#well rot in hell you dont even deserve it

[s1llybug]

trying to process and heal from the trauma that a certain someone caused me and trying to talk myself through it (while being plural and mentally unstable) is currently going somewhere along these lines

(warning: some pretty triggering and very personal discussions from me in the tags however feel free to just relate to the funny pitture)

[threepandas]

Bad End: Preserve Us

You know how in conservation biology you sometimes try to introduce a pair to be mated and one will just... just fuckin' merc' the other? Just absolutely obliterate them in a hissing, growling, nightmare ball of fury? Before anyone can stop them? Territorial and (to put it lightly) "uninterested", dispite your desperate desire to save their species from extinction, and need for them to get frisky?

I know.

Holy SHIT do I know.

There's a lot of reasons. Ways you can (hopefully) get around it. But first? Is finding out WHY it happened. Was it just the one? The environment? Were they sick? Or... as is the case sometimes, did they decide their Handler was their mate? Some species only mate once. Are loyal for life. You gotta work around that.

Which is all well and fine and good.

When we're talking about ANIMALS.

Non-sentient, non-sapient animals! Not ALIEN SPECIES! What the ABSOLUTE FRESH HELL did they expect from me!? Compliance?! This was UNETHICAL! Monstrous! I had been trying to slip my gaurds long enough to radio for help SINCE I GOT HERE.

I hope the fuckers ROTTED in whatever their Gods considered a Hell.

"Conservation facility" my ENTIRE ASS. You can't run CONSERVATION EFFORTS like this on SENTIENTS. Eugenics loving, atrocity fetishizing, immoral BASTARDS!!! And they KNEW it too. They HAD too! Or they wouldn't be HIDING it! Fucking KIDNAPPING scientists! Biologists! Doctors!

I was on my ways to study Lekku monkeys!

God...

I'm? I'm so tired of being pissed.

Furious and outraged and SCARED. Horrified and sick. There are PEOPLE here. Kids! And I don't... oh god, I don't... H-How LONG has this been going ON? Why did no one NOTICE?

Every day I feel my heart break. The desire to scream and scream and never STOP, grow inside me. I have to get out. I have to get us ALL out. Get these people FREE. Do SOMETHING. But I am forced to "conserve" the species assigned to me. The group assigned to me.

It's killing my love for the field. Making a mockery of everything I worked for.

I don't... I don't think my hands will ever be clean again.

But I have to help. Do everything I can. Make hell a little kinder, if nothing else. At least while I figure out a way OUT. My group deserves better. The groups I do not work with, deserve better.

I disguise games as "testing". Pages and pages of meaningless numbers ans scores. INSIST that enrichment is the key to success. Diet is EVERYTHING. Oh, and habitat? Well unless we can mimic their habitat there's no WAY they'll "breed".

No, no, using machines would stress them out too much.

It's like you DONT want babies!

Who's the expert here? That's RIGHT! Dr. Cho, but FAILING her and like five other people? Me. And I know for a FACT they are pulling the same scam. We ALL fucking hate you. Dr. Cho has KIDS, you FUCKS. Hasn't seen her son in YEARS thanks to you bastards. He was engaged. She's probably missed his WEDDING thanks to you!

Getting distracted, spiraling again, gotta stop DOING that.

It wont help anyone.

But God, if my brain doesn't slowly feel like it's shorting out the longer I'm here. Stress is called the silent killer for a reason. Or what that something else? Fuck. I can't even look it up! Bastards cut us off from the galactic web. Full information blackout. Because of COURSE they did... can't risk us rightfully calling for help.

Getting the Feds involved to shut this hell pit of a black site DOWN. Or a "whatever it truely is" site. Because it sure as SHIT has nothing to do with conservational biology. Except maybe the abuse of it.

But that doesn't help me right now.

Focus, damn it!

The Yanderens. Old, absurdly rare, nearly extinct, with a home planet they'd reduced to uninhabitable wastelands millennia ago due too... something. No one knew what. There had definitely been fighting. It WAS documented they were excellent fighters. Ruthless ones at that. But it was ALSO documented they strongly pack bonded.

There had been a lot of strongly worded warnings on what few documation my captures were able to find, translate, then shove at me. But honestly? They said the same thing about humans. Ooooh big scary persistent hunters~ oh nooooo! Watch out for the omnivores with a history of war! Sins of the father and we are defined by our diets! Class systems! Let's all JUDGE each ooooootheeeeer~!

Yeah, no. Not buying it.

Especially when the "warnings" were so damn vague and poorly documented. All "the HORRORS!" and "we barely SURVIVED!". Cause honestly? The Yanderens I was watching over? Easily the most mild and temperate individuals I had ever met. No tantrums from the kids, no big emotional meltdowns, just curiosity and at WORST? Mild frustration.

It made everything ten thousand times worse for me, that these poor people were in this hellish place. They were calm. Curious. Meant for greater, BETTER things! They should be out, playing and learning. Exploring and enjoying peaceful strolls in some art gallery or zen garden somewhere! Not... not this sterile fucking LAB.

But then M-17 loses his SHIT.

And now I'm kinda panicking. Because F-6 is not just dead, God rest her soul (she didn't deserve this. Oh god. She was so SWEET.), but M-17 might just be too, soon. If I can't find out what HAPPENED. Because if he's "feral" or "diseased" or whatever other horrifying terminology they end up using? They DO something about it.

And I can't actually stop them.

I... I don't know if it was a trauma response. Or I did something wrong. I could PROBABLY pass it off as my needing more studies into their observed "mating habits"? That... that I somehow... turned it... uuuuh... dominance battle? Shit. Where are my notes?!

F-6 is DEAD and its all my fault.

She was such a cuddle fiend too. Always excited to hear about my studies, from before. My life. Wanted to join me after we got out of here. I never should have let her volunteer. Granted, she wouldn't have taken no for an answer. Wanted to spend the pregnancy plotting our escape. Asked me to help raise the kid once we got out. Had a whole grand plan. But I...And I...

God...

I should have said NO. Insisted. It was just so hard, when F-6 had made it all sound like it would be okay. Like she had a plan and all I need to do was trust her. Believe in her. Then we could be free.

I had hoped M-17 would work best. He was always the most agreeable and quick on the uptake. I figured... well... ha ha. God, I'm such an IDIOT. I should have CHECKED. Who KNOWS what happened before I arrived? What triggered I just accidentally rammed my foot into? FUCK! I sweep everything from me desk onto the ground. Don't give I shit that I'll have to clean it up later,

I had figured M-17 would be COOL with it.

This place is getting to me, isn't it?

Why the FUCK would anyone be COOL with getting jumped? Bred like an animal? Shoved in some random ass room, with a vaguely familiar stranger, and told "now fuck. We want a literal litter from you two"? All while some biologist watchs and makes god damned NOTES!?

Of course he fought back. OF COURSE he didn't stop!

The only one there he could trust was himself.

I...I'm becoming a monster... aren't I?

Oh god.

At least we're in the satellite facility. The gaurds are definitely going to rat me out, but the news will take time to filter back. And... and the Yanderens being so "dangerous" might work in my favor. I... I can spin this. I HAVE to spin this. I can't let TWO people die for my fuck up.

I promised myself I would get as many people out as I could. I refuse to back out now. Even if that means crying, puking, then going out there to lie my ASS off. This was TOTALLY NORMAL. In fact, expected! Yep! It means that's we've determined that M-17 is the alpha Yanderen! A thing that is both REAL and possible to BE!

I rinse my mouth, stomach empty. Crying has exhausted me. But I can't give up. Too many lives count on me now. I... I wish so badly I was just a nobody again. Just some random biology student, trying to make a name for herself. Being "important" is a CURSE.

I try not to chug my water as I half stumble out of the glorified shoebox that is my bathroom into the much larger and Fancier CLOSET that is my room. Truely, no expense spared, for the captives they ripped away from their lives. So glad I am here willingly and of my own volition.

I gather myself. Finally ready to go and try to untangle the mess I have made of everything. When a deep booming alarm rattles my bones. The lights flickering to red. Blast doors slide down, SLAM shut over the transparent recessed bit of wall that counts as my window, the door to the rest of the facility.

Trapping me inside my small room.

Almost immediately after, an EXPLOSION rocks the world hard enough to knock me from my feet. Only the bed's limited padding keeping me from a nasty concussion. The edge of it still ramming painfully into my shoulder. Another explosion. Then another. I sit for a long, terrible, second stunned.

The moment passes.

I scramble on my hands and knees for the in facility communication device that I had knocked from my desk in anger, grief. Not daring to stand lest I be thrown down again. I manage to find it as the world shakes again for the fifth time. Followed by what sounds like gun fire out in the halls.

I fling myself back towards my shitty little bunk. Drag every bit of padding and protection I can, down and under it with me. If the roof goes? I want shock absorption. If shots get through the door? I want something to slow those blasts down. Anything. ANYTHING! To increase my fucked chances of surviving.

I burrito up and wriggle back as deep as I can. The world muffled but ending just outside my crawlspace. Then I desperately try to get one of the others on the line. I got nothing but chaos. Running. Running. Hiding. And Dead.

Dead. Dying.

Remember me.

And GONE.

Some of them fighting with their groups too freedom. Some being targeted right along side their captors. Others savaged by the ACTUAL animals they had been working with, the one's Galacticly deemed too dangerous for effort like this. Someone or something had set EVERYONE free. A simultaneous attack on all fronts that our captors could not put down or escape.

The Yanderens were out there.

Oh god. Please let them be okay. They wer-

My thoughts ground to a halt as M-32 LAUNCHED his tiny body onto the screen of one of the security feeds I was desperately looking through. F-6 had figured out how to get us a backdoor to them a long time ago. M-32 was just a kid. A small, soft, cuddly little thing that loved to lean against me and crawl into my lap. All cherubic cheeks and cute little curls. Shy!

Yet I watched... in mounting horror... as like a lion on some unfortunate animal, he landed on a gaurds back. Small arms going around his body in a mockery of a hug. Head tilting so he could BITE at the back of the man's neck, small hands clawing and ripping at weak points in his armor, as he screamed. Thrashed. Tried desperately to get M-32 OFF of him.

There was so much blood.

My hands were shaking. So much, I accidentally hit the next screen button. Jerked my thumb back. But... but oh god. There was F-26. Using the butt of a rifle to slam down against the head of a scientist. Again and again and again. Long after the begging and thrashing stopped. I flipped again. M-4? No... please not M-4. Not the soft spoken and wise...

I watched as he grinned, a cold thing, and shot out another joint. His foot on the chest of the head scientist who had moved him to a different group. In the background, his supervisor lay dead. They had not died quickly. The head scientist was begging. A mess of tears and pain. M-4 shot another joint, pressing his foot down harder.

I wanted to be sick.

I flipped again. And again. And AGAIN.

H...Had I known them at ALL? Like demons wearing the faces of those I'd known. People I'd trusted. Not a SINGLE ONE was... oh... oh god. F-6. Had she been too? Would I have ever known? Was THIS what all those warnings meant? I couldn't think. Couldn't breath. Had... Had never had a panic attack but... BUT-!

I wheezed.

Shook.

"Oh, Clever giiiirl~" A familiar voice sang, before a blood splattered face flickered into being on the screen in my hands. "Where aaaare yoooou~?"

M-17. He'd somehow managed to take over the security cameras. That or the communication feed. His eyes were bright. A grin on his face like I'd never seen from him. ALIVE in a way I'd never seen him. The excitement transformed his face. No longer softly doll like, but something DANGEROUS. Unhinged. His eyes dilated and deadly teeth on display.

"Come out, come out wherever you aaaare~. I have so much to TELL you! We have so much to DO! I'm going to make you MINE sweetheart! No one else can have you. So come out. I won't hurt you much, I promise! Just gotta make you mine then we can leave okay~?"

Furious snarls echoed through the halls. Male and female alike. Old and young. I... I recognized each of those voices. What was HAPPENING?

"Aaaah? Did you TRASH really think you DESERVED her? Ha! Please." M-17 grin was cruel. Mocking. "You don't have a chance in hell of taking what's MINE."

His eyes seems to shift away from unseen enemies and back, somehow, to me. Warming to something euphoric. Resting his head on his hand as if to consider me. His fingers spread, stroking his own face, as if the desire to TOUCH was simply too great. As if what he was imagining was bleeding over into the real world.

"Oh clever girl~ my clever, clever girl~♡ I can't wait til it's just you and ME. Start think of where you want to go first, okay? We're going to get married. Have that child you wanted me for. All the things you ever dreamed~♡ I'm going to have you all to myself. No more annoying others. Ah~ can't wait to find you soon!"

"But first?"

"May the best of us Win."

[clearnachopirate]

not to turn my page into dead boy detectives brain rot but

imagine youre simon (Edwin's classmate who he saw in hell). no, seriously,

so youre simon, a 16 y/o boy in 1916. presumably youre religious, and even in the extremely rare case youre not, queerness as a whole is still considered an illness and treated with genuine torture or death.

you are queer. and you think someone else might be as well. a well spoken though awkward classmate by the name of Edwin, who occasionally wears a lovely cap you think he looks swell in. so one day, you take the cap, hoping it will finally get him to talk to you. it doesnt work how you want it. and he avoids you. doesnt return your feelings. your feelings that are inherently wrong in the first place.

when you hear the other lads going on abt a prank for Edwin, you think seeing him scared of nothing might just help you get over him, so you comply.

except thats not what happens.

the boy who you love (or at least really like) is dead. you are dead. and you are in hell. exactly where everyone has said people like you go. and its what you deserve

you listen to the headmaster, because if you had listened to the people in your life and ignored your feelings, you might not be here. you wouldnt have gone along with such a stupid plan. you wouldnt have killed him.

and sometimes he visits, Edwin does, and he says all the things you already know, but it hurts so much more coming out of the mouth you had shamefully wanted to kiss.

so when he comes in again, its nothing new.

Edwin doesnt yell, and he doesnt reach to hurt you. Edwin says you dont deserve this pain, that you can leave, that he had left, and he was on his way out again. That he wants you to come with. That neither of you deserved what you had been given.

its only after he leaves that you turn back to your book that you realize its gone. along with it that shame you have felt for nearly your entire life, because Edwin had been like you. and he was free, there was something better out there for him.

there might just be something better out there for you too.

[sniksnak-sad-blog]

why not the most pressing topic

(be warned, armchair phycology inbound)

oh Pansear highlight of this community (past tense) they made amazing things, such as the kiss me kill me map, their comics period, and left an empty wasteland in their leave.

God what a fucking mess, they closed off there final message, leaving the rumors to run rampant only for the source to let the blame fall a step down the chain.

I dont blame Azriel, i find it hard to do that, they are just a minor, just like me. They take just as much responsibility as us, the spread it without fact checking, you know who else did that? And they had an excuse, mental health and a particular distain for our long gone friend. (Witch mind you in fact is totally justified, they where the one wronged by Pansear, its up to morals for us to forgive Pan, but Azriel is under no such obligation.) And hey, look at that, the internet beat the shit out of them, doing exactly as I expected and not thinking a single intelligent thought.

Speaking of which I need to real quick give some sympathy to those poor bastards I just insulted. excuse me if this might get long, but I find it eager to attempt an understanding for each party in this shit show:

You, a young teen, have looked up to a famous artist for making works that you personally relate to. You follow them religiously watch there every step and treat them like a king, their word is law. You have had their work lift you, help you though the days where it just doesn't feel like you can make it. You might even find someone who kept fighting on because of that work, it might have saved someone's life.

one day you wake up to find a post, something about how pansear is a pedophile, about how they support grooming, about how they are a bitch and deserve to rot in hell. Well, you might have seen that last part, I'm sure it was out there some where. Needless to say you were devastated, it was now dangerous to even support this person you loved, and had helped you though maybe even your darkest times.

It's a hit, but you survive, Pansear assures you of that. They continue to post, they seem pretty down, and you feel very down, the whole situation tugs on your mind, not all the time, but in the late hours of the night, where instead of sleeping, you think, you think about how it all could have gone better.

then tragedy strikes again, something far more conclusive, the claims previously put out now spread like open flame, lit by the gasoline of 4 screenshots.

it hurts, it hurts a fucking lot, you cry, you cry a fucking lot. Worse, Pansear isn't here to defend them self, they left, Pansear left. If it was harder to ignore, now its impossible, you cant focus, you cant even talk about it, then you would be "defending Pansear."

that would hurt, that would hurt a fucking lot. And you have not choice but to let this rage simmer for about 2 weeks, and after that time.

you find reason to let it boil over. Who could blame you, no where to put this stress, no where to put this anger, you go to whoever you can, and (for lack of a better term) beat the shit out of them.

excuse my writing, i got a habit of that. but i should clarify, i was not there, this is a prediction of how i would have reacted if i where a bit farther down the rabbit whole. I know Pansear was popular, it gives me reason to believe that this might be a common experience. Or perhaps it was different. Perhaps for some they had a server, a place to talk about there feelings without judgement, where they could prosses loss. (i know by way of my self that this might have been the first time someone truly lost someone else)

So take that story with a grain of salt, but i do find it rather important to ask you, why? Why did we have to be so cruel to each other, could we not have taken a step back and realize that name calling and death threats only made things worse.

There is a reason, even for the most extreme situations, that someone says "do not harass anyone." When did we forget that?

I should clarify, I'm not sure how the fandom as a whole responded, I'm not on twitter (GTFO of there if you are) and where I am on tumblr, it was not common mention. I've reason to believe that the story is not entirely of my mind alone, simply because with size it becomes harder and harder to not have one of each person.

i think this will be my first rant, i have only spoken on one of the things i want to talk about i have thought a lot about this, in the dead of night. i dont think ill forget this, but i will chose to remember this as something positive, what ever positivity i can get out of it.

to anyone out there reading this i think its important to let you know what i believe is the final message sent in Pansear's discord server, not the emote ones but the forest.

to anyone struggling out there, remember, Pansear believed in you. i take solace in this message, you should too.

[what-if-nct]

hiiii today's reminder is fuck moon taeil I take back every time I've wished him well or complained about him being treated badly, if everything I'm reading is true he deserves SO much worse. burning in hell is not enough, i need him to watch his life go up in flames and never be able to show his face in public again because wtf do you mean he was 24 and she was 12 and this has been going on for 6 fucking years what an absolute scumbag may he never know one single moment of peace for the rest of his miserable existence

He doesn't exist to me. To me, he is dead. when I first saw sex crimes I naively hoped it was something like prostitution but it is so so so much worse than I could have even imagined. It's absolutely disgusting, she was a baby, a baby!! What the hell. That poor girl. he is despicable. And I always say idols are no different than any random man on the street. I stand by that. You can hope their a safe person, but you can't just trust them. I am jaded cause I have been assaulted multiple times and once was by a woman. And you wouldn't expect a woman to do that but it's always someone you wouldn't expect. And I know we all wouldn't think taeil would be capable of something this horrible but at the end of the day we do not know these idols, we dont know what theyre up to, we dont know the kind of person they are. And I hope he gets exactly what he deserves. And I hope the victim is being supported, taken care of and has access to every resource she needs to heal. That poor baby did not deserve that to happen to her. And Taeil can honestly choke, fuck him. Hes a disgusting pathetic little man who deserves to rot. I got his poster in the walk album, and im so glad I didn't put it on my wall. I was just going to save my haechan pc from the album and leave it but it'd be better to just throw it away. Good riddance, he no longer exists. Fuck him.

[faiseuse-d-histoires]

Well, you saying you dont know the answer of what should happened to Pen tells me more than anything. What she did it wasnt that badN it wasnt that important. Really, marina like went really well, eloise have the pretty never bad bridgertons and all the money and beauty and the protection of her brother ( unlike Colin Who is hate by him) . Are you telling you are naking that problem for a silly beast comment?? Im sure you had call poor fst girl worst in school and here you are. You just hate her for the sake of it. Thats the truth, if your dislike was genuine for her actions you would knlw the answer. Just what i thought. Another buller. And please dont lie, you didnt like Pen from books either. For Kate and Anthony you base their personalities with the ones in the books ( she is nit a family person in the show) but for Pen you dont think of that cute girls in the book and críticamente the writer like you did with KA, you blame Pen, the wallflower

Just because the consequences are any less dire because others persons intervened doesn't erase that what show Penelope wrote was actually ruinous and malicious and could have been disastrous. It's actually quite sad that in need to defend her, you have to dismiss others' suffering, and banalize what she writes, what she makes money of.

One laughable thing is that you don't actually seem to have grasped that I was being sarcastic while saying "oh, I don't know". Had you read the entire post, you would have had your answer. What should happen to her? Well, show Penelope should learn that her words have consequences, can hurt people, ostracize them, ruin them. She should learn that she could have made Marina ostracized by her words, prompting the girl to dangerous options, just because she did not want her crush to marry her, and that it is not ok (and it even backfired on her, because by association, there was that disgrace on her family that prompted Eloise to seek LW to do something about it). She should learn that calling someone a beast, especially a WOC, certainly for comic relief, or even insulting anyone like that is not ok. That antagonizing the queen was never a good idea in the first place. She should learn that she cannot criticize one for not doing something when she actually made sure that person was stopped from actually doing anything about it, else it is very hypocritical. That by unravelling everyone's dirty laundry and even twisting things at her convenience, of course it can have dire consequences and she is responsible for it.

This season had people dismissing the consequences of her actions and praising her. That should not be the case. It is at least realistic to think at least some will just give her hell for it, and some families refuse to invite her.

That doesn't mean she can't make amends. That she deserves to be unloved and alone for the rest of her life, or to be bullied. Just that she should aspire to be a better person (she certainly could have the power to inspire more reflection about social classes, the status of women, etc), and not one that thrives on others'misery while still maintaining a holier-than-thou attitude. I certainly cannot root for that last kind of person.

You keep bringing up the body, the wallflower parts. You keep patting yourself in the shoulder, telling yourself you are right. At this point, it seems you are making your own story and do not read at all what I actually said. I can see clearly you need to vent and have your enemy (any unresolved issues, perhaps), and anyone would do, and perhaps it must feel very satisfying to throw hateful words while being anonymous, for you do so on and on (I will certainly not read the others that are rotting in my inbox, and that will find their place in the bin). It is still very much a coward and a bully's move.

[katyspersonal]

thank u for pointing out the unfair finlenia stances in the fandom..a lot of people dont get that not liking a ship is sometimes a taste thing and not bigotry. i personally hc malenia as demi and i like to imagine she kept a professional relationship with her soldiers but finlay was a big admirer. i dont want to get hate for this take though

Aww anon come here;

I'd love to say that disliking a ship is always a taste, not "sometimes", but... well, some people who are invested in shipping will prefer only straight ships and consider gay ones "sin"/degeneracy/whatever led them to it. I haven't run into this sort of fans in a VERY long while but I doubt they went 100% extinct.

Nonetheless, it IS important to not instantly assume the worst about the person just because they don't share the vision of the ship that the 'cool kids' of the fandom decided is canon! Even if initial concern comes from a 'reasonable' place (like not wanting those conservative bigots to shame people in the fandom), this sort of fear and alertness ALWAYS ends up hurting waaaaaay more innocent people than it punishes the guilty ones! This principle applies not just to fandomry discourse of course but everywhere; being hyper-alerted and always set on detecting the enemy just inevitably turns you into THESE guys:

(In case if you don't know of Bloodborne, these guys are pretty much the mentality and reflection of what happens when you become so paranoid you'll rather have many innocents executed than "risk to let a beast slide", super smart and striking portrayal of our clown world ssdhfhds All this to say is that I do not DEhumanise these haters, I know where it came from but I still disapprove of this culture of reactive paranoia)

Okay enough with my ENTP bullshit and back on the subject; aro/ace spectrum Malenia headcanons are valid! As well as your suggestion about her keeping professional distance with her knights. For example, it is reasonable to assume that she felt guilt since all her Knights inflicted inevitable decay on themselves to stand by her side:

What if Malenia had emotional barrier, if not deep guilt for existing, that no amount of Finlay's convincing that she wanted this fate could break? What if the issues Malenia developed through life of both idealisation and demonisation (both are dehumanising) made her push someone, especially a subordinate, away upon assuming they "don't know what they want"? What if she is afraid of relationship because, since Scarlet Rot can sprout stronger in reaction to emotional pain (as we seen from Millicent blooming if she was betrayed), Malenia is scared shitless to harm another person or herself should relationship ever cause deep pain? Or what if Malenia forsaken considering relationship altogether because she identifies as 'blade of Miquella' and is not willing for any bond to become more important than that (and someone can expect romantic love to eclipse familial one, it depends on the perspective).

There are many directions to take in either why Malenia might not love Finlay, love but not want to date Finlay, or not love/date anyone. Why she either can't or doesn't want to! I have a couple of two other mutuals who are scared to tell anyone they don't 'see' Finlenia because even a deep analysis of the character will be received as attempt to "invalidate a representation"! One of them also thinks Malenia ships don't work period because it's hard to let romantic feelings bloom under so much physical and mental illness, speaking from perspective of a person with physical disabilities and severe depression themselves! Also a very valid perspective! Again, do we then want to argue about whose projected experiences "deserve" validation and whose don't? The hell we do :/

In the end of the day 1) fandom is not a majority rule and thus they can't just "collectively decide" how to interpret canon that IS left open to different interpretations, especially using problems like bigotry as an excuse or even weaponizing their identities. What will happen if a lesbian saying the heretics that don't ship Finlenia are all homophobic meets a lesbian that also doesn't ship it? I don't wanna know. 2) culture of reactive paranoia is bad, let's NOT become Yharnam Huntsmen

[eliteseven]

So I finally gathered the courage to read the latest chapter and now that ive calmed down i would like to give a comment that isnt just incoherent screaming lol (obvious spoilers)

Holy shit that chapter was intense.

I know we talked about the idea of Shadowheart being controlled but I never considered it the other way around and it fucking broke me.😭 I would like to file a lawsuit for infliction of emotional distress (or i would if i had money lol) The way it turned the tables on Serena in the worst way to going from being abused to in an instant becoming the thing she never wanted to be and being powerless to stop it… fuck man. This poor woman 🥺 i just wanna hug her so bad! The pure horror all over her face and Shadowheart refusing to try and defend herself, just being so loving and supportive till the end just *gross sobbing

Ok can we talk about Nocturne for a minute. First of all the absolute relief that Nocturne was herself and not just a mindwiped thrall was a true blessing. I may or may not have internally screamed when i found out she kept the ring. Just the fact she still cared enough to notice and gave it back. The fact shes still such a good person after everything is so important to me cause it would be really easy for her to turn bitter and jealous but shes not and i love her so much even though she also makes me sad. Their relationship is so complicated and I’ll never not love it. Also love the idea of her transitioning to the harpers tbh. It suits her. Hopefully she can find much better company in that work and some much needed healing. It’s what she deserves.

The fact that we dont know what was lost, and even Serena doesnt know, is absolutely KILLING me. Like was it childhood memories? Was it sandcastles? Was it the moment she first fell for her? Or was it some random thing none of us even thought of as being important until now? That would be an interesting butterfly effect to think about cause some things we think are inconsequential and dumb can sometimes save the world. It would be spicy if we lost stuff from the nobleheart au where they met before the tadpole business, cause that was formative and a turning point for Serena, and if thats gone then neither of them will really know cause it was lost to Shadowheart years ago. At the very least I’m happy she remembers who she loves :)

Looking forward to seeing the aftermath and recovery from these two ❤️❤️❤️😊

Omg 😭🥰 getting to open this made me feel like a kid on Christmas lol so firstly, thank you for reading and making the effort to come on over and share your thoughts!!! ❤️ it’s always appreciated!!!

Onto the subject at hand 👀

Firstly!! I’m so glad you liked it! I’ve said it a billion times but writing action is like my least favorite thing ever so I’m glad you could like…understand it 😅

Yeah…Shar sucks 💀 I think she understood Serena’s deepest fears and utilized them well. Poor Shadowheart didn’t know what to do in that moment except…be there for her. even though her life was on the line. (Wyll is the MVP for taking that shot in the dark- literally!!!). Serena is going to have a very hard time coming to terms with that. She almost hurt her baby 🥺She’s livid that she was compromised and in a position to harm Shadowheart, Shadowheart is livid that Serena was dragged into this mess bc of her… they have some coping/healing to do. They both sorta just lived out part of their worst nightmares. But…give it time. They’ll grow from this.

Nocturne is a good bean 🥹💕 no way in hell I was gonna let her rot in the side-cloister lmao. I think she’d fit in well with the Harpers. I do think she loves Shadowheart- to an extent. Maybe not like full blown romance but she definitely had feelings for her growing up and I think she’s still kinda weak about her. She was super gentle with Serena because she recognized her, too. So this was nice because Nocturne got to repay Shads, and she’s free to pursue her own life now, outside the cloister. That love for Shadowheart will always be there 🥰 now Shadowheart can check in on her and make sure she’ll thrive!

Yeah…tricky thing, memories 😅 you’ll find out what she’s lost in the next chapter, and probably over the course of several more. I had to take away enough to be meaningful, but also refrain from leaving her with no memories- because she’s still clearly in love with Shadowheart, remembers her mother, etc. you take too much away, and that changes. So I had to balance it out a bit lmao.

Certain things, potentially even people who were important to Serena, are really gone, though. Just luck of the draw with whatever memories were at the forefront of her mind when she was getting wiped, I suppose. You have to admire the way she fought to cling to every last memory of Shadowheart, though 🥺💕

But they’re safe and sound now 🥰 and the healing can begin! I hope you enjoy what’s to come!!! (I heard there’s a wedding around the corner lmao) thank you so much for reading and sharing these incredibly kind words!!!

[mspeevee]

Would it help more to ask you questions so you can vent, or would you prefer comfort? If so, would you prefer reassurance or advice?

I know it's a lot, and I don't want to condenscend. But I do promise that you aren't doing anything wrong by feeling this way. Take as much time as you need <3

i just wish i felt like i was important to my friends enough that i was worth the time i put into them back

i wasn't gonna vent but then i exploded anyways.

the gist is that multiple times now i've felt like i do all this effort, messaging first, making art (i don't do it expecting anything back), sharing my life with people only to receive like, appreciation but not reciprocation. and then i watch them do all of that for other people and i can't help but feel like it's my fault. like i am just so replaceable.

and then when i am hurting so bad i understand they don't know what to say me, hell they prolly have my vent and complaining tags blocked i'm sure, but i feel left to rot and seethe until i fucking hate them. and then i feel bad about it, cuz i don't want to, but i'm so tired of feeling this way every few months. it makes me wish i were dead because i don't see any point in going on if no one genuinely cares if i'm in pain or not. not even a simple "hey im sorry you're going through this but i care". i get ignored. and i feel like it reflects my worth to them.

and rn i can't blame myself for feeling so angry about it too when i feel like i'm bleeding out with their backs turned to me. and maybe that's dramatic but i'm not exactly rational right now anyways so.

and later on i prolly won't blame them or anything, i know this is all because my mental health is bad and my brain tortures me using them against me, but when it happens so often and i feel like i'm finally getting better only for something random to set me off into wanting to stop existing again i'm like, well what's the fucking point??

would they even cry about me for that long? would me leaving leave any impact longer than a week? a month? would they regret not taking every chance i gave them to engage with me? did i deserve their time at all anyways? am i selfish for interpreting continual silence as dismissal?

this applies to literally everything but i cannot blame myself for not knowing how people think when they don't tell me. i can't know if anyone likes my art if they don't like it or reblog it or tell me. i can't know that you told your friends you really enjoyed a post on my blog if that's the only people you told.

and obviously that extends to me, too, how can they know i'm slowly resenting them if i dont say something? but isn't that so cruel of me to mention? isn't it so mean of me to make them feel bad for doing harmless things that just so happen to be used as ammo against me because of my own problems by my own brain? should i just stop making friends? where do i give up here? where do i work on it?

honestly i'd love advice, idk how to cope like this. everything online just says therapy but that's not an option for me. im trying so hard to practice mindfulness and challenging the thoughts but they seem so right and like there's so much "proof". "oh you did all this for your friend but they never did it back but look now they're doing it with this new friend! and it's not the first time either, how many times will you assume you mean as much to them as they do to you."

i wish i wasnt struggling alone. even tho i know i'd just think they're lying if they ever reached out to me at least i would remember they tried when i started to come out of this ditch. but no one wants to try with me anymore, and it's my fault.

[eldritchmochi]

Word prompt for the letters! SWORD TIME

mina pls that is so many letters lmao

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

okay, if it is not obvious, i have thought SO MUCH about disability in exandria, so heres a general worldbuilding headcannon vs character based hc but it's shown that disability isn't overly impactful in exandria. basically everything we've seen ranging from pcs like shakaste to big npcs like dancer and also smaller one off pcs like the moorbounder dealer in the city of beasts, whatever the name is, they're fully functional within society despite major physical disabilities and theres functionally not a whole lot of ableism at a surface level when it comes to worldbuilding (thanks matt).

however..... its not hard (for me) to extrapolate how the dynasty in particular would have a not great view on disability (thank u cherry for putting it into words as i was charlie day-ing over coping skills early on). it's not something that i talk about explicitly in coping skills (and may not since it would be really info dumpy and not vibe with the way i write or characterize the wizards lmao) but it's something ive spent a great deal of time thinking thru for the dang fic and my in-head notes are basically a) in a modern setting like coping skills, the healthcare situation moves at a glacial pace partly because elves live forever so what is a several year wait for a non emergent specialist issue and b) major disabilities, things that impact daily living to a significant degree that cannot be "fixed" with magic, are at best really only tolerated until anamnesis or consecution so the body can be reset into a more perfect form

i could wax poetic about the nitty gritty as it relates to coping skills specifically, but that is like, the base premise of 90% of the fic lmao

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

okay so, heres the thing: with the exception of a few squicks, if something is well written with some fukken *heart* i will eat up just about anything. theres some tropes i don't really get myself and haven't found anything with it that's interested me, like hanahaki, but i have fav fics involving things i notoriously avoid, like kid fic and hs aus. like legitimately, my absolute fav fic is a non explicit hs au, which considering i basically dont read non explicit fics OR hs aus is fucking wild

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

lets see, i did one here for an ashrym fic, and one here for general shadowgast so lets go with a single character, and a delightfully weird song for her

obviously imogen, again, because its funny. do not ask me why spotify recommended this german edm country album to me a bit ago but i listened to the whole thing and it fucking slapped, and this song immediately went on my hells playlist

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

I AM ONLY DOING ONE BECAUSE I DONT TRUST YOU MINA (ilu but also damn many letters lmao)

but callowmoore is just chefs kiss. i don't see anything necessarily romantic between them but i love the idea of the two of them bonding over being absolute gremlins. ashton definitely needs a charismatic wingman and fearne definitely needs someone who has (some level of) smarts re Doing Crimes, so the two of them playing off each other is just delightful and i love how soft they are with each other in cannon and in turn all the fanart (especially the forehead kiss???? im still not normal about that)

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

hmmmmmmmmmmm okay i guess maybe reylo? the rots kiss was absolute garbage rey deserves better BUT i am in theory into her domming the shit out of him but reylo shippers as a whole soured me on the ship and now i just hhhh no thank you, even from authors i trust to write it in a way i'd enjoy :C

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

T answered here! (basically no lmao)

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

homestuck :I like part of it was definitely the Fandom Cycle of falling out if interest with something, especially once there stopped being new cannon i could access but a bigger part of it was seeing all my fav artists and writers in the fandoms, particularly the ones 30+, PARTICULARLY Black artist, being absolutely shat on by kids for the crime of... being adults in fandom spaces basically, or otherwise creating fanworks that featured non-white, non-thin depictions of the characters. i live vicariously thru @/roundandtalented when they spam share hs art because i still love those characters but yeesh ye olde tumblr hs fandom got VERY toxic

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

answered once here with ashton and here with astarion so i guess i gotta keep the train going with "a" name characters

hmmmmmmmmmm

okay lets say abby from ncis (i have watched Many crime procedurals lmao). i imagine she and i would be GREAT fashion buddies, especially when i'm bubblegum pop kawaii to her scary goth. we could swap tips on breaking in big stompy boots and all the best places for cute clothes, and i think we're fairly close in size too so could even SWAP gasp The Dream

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

god i do not know if fandom as a whole has picked up on any of the various things i've built in my fics but tbh i think its absolutely hilarious how i inevitably write a porn/camming au for like every fandom i write multiple fics for. it happens, every single time. EVERY TIME. in fact, mine and cherry's sg camming au started with me lampshading this trend i have, laughing about how FINALLY here was a fandom where i couldn't write camming and make it work, except whoops i thought too hard on it and made it work. this occurred over the course of like..... a single evening. i had the basic outline sketched out within twenty minutes of me being like "theres no way i could write camming into critical role, NO WAY" i am not even exaggerating

so i guess maybe my hilarious contribution to critical role is the contemporary magical setting proof-of-concept???? cherry did say there werent really that many at the time i asked because i lov me some modern aus

there are maybe some letters left idk at this point lmao but here is the meme for those of u who made it thru all that

[femingrab]

Ok so i want to ask a genuine question here, i am being as sincere as i can and im wondering what the answer to this may be:

In what world, is siding with nazis and fascists a normal thing to do when upset about a group? (In this case trans people). In what way does siding with genocidal monsters make sense when you're "enemy" are people who just want to be treated with baseline human respect?

I mean look at Rowling, she's gone and sided with matt walsh, a literal self proclaimed fascist, the organization he's apart of is spewing genocidal rhetoric, hell they defended kanye while he was being openly antisemitic.

I just wonder why theres never any introspection here, surely you must be aware that what you want will lead to genocide. Surely the knowledge that your beliefs are shared by people who want you dead as well should be some kind of giveaway shouldnt it?

(I was going to anon this but fuck it ig, i dont much care this has been on my mind for a bit now)

Damn, you're obsessed, aren't you? You just can't handle women disagreeing with you and try to guilt-trip them and act like you're oppressed for being a GNC male with a fetish when everyone is now kissing the asses of you people and you get more protection than actual women do. You think people disgreeing with your lifestyle means they want you dead? Oh please. Spare me the tired old narcisstic whining. At least more people are waking up slowly but surely because of the nonsense going on, lately, with so-called "transwomen" and their activists. I think people should be able to defend themselves from violent misogynistic males regardless of their "gender identity". If they're going to prey on and threaten women, then they deserve the consequences. If they're going to attack gay men and lesbians for their same-sex attraction or try to force them to have sex with them, they deserve the consequences. Being "trans" shouldn't be a free pass to get away with shit, but it is, now. "Transwomen", especially violent ones like sex offenders, don't belong in women's prisons.

I bet you can't even cite any of those claims. J.K. Rowling never said she hated trans people and said she accepts them, but not predatory transwomen and that she thinks their female rape victims shouldn't be forced to address them as female. Everyone who claims she hates trans people in general can't actually give any proof.

I've already shown you how conservatism aligns with trans identites, but you ignore and keep deflecting to protect your misogynistic porn brain rot fetish, Mr. "horn-meister demon trans lady" (BTW, "meister" is masculine). Go bother someone else. 🖕

[exactlysizzlingdonut]

I. JJTS FINISHED WATCHING MONSTER AND HOLYYYYYYY FUCK

IM SO SAD THAT THIS IS THE END 🙁

SPOILERS!!

NO WAY JOHAN ESCAPED AGAIN BRO HE'S GONNA FUCK EVERYTHING UP 💀

ALSO TENMA IS SUCH A SWEETHEART WHAT THE HELL.. JOINING DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS HES A GEM I CANT BELIEVE THE LACK OF TENMA CONTENT AFTER ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT HE HAS DONE FOR EVERYBODY IN THIS SERIES

ABSOLUTE GEM OF A MAN I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT JIM WITHOUT SOUNDING FERAL AND CRINGE CRONGE (potential verbal appreciation post? It’ll probs be rotting in my drafts HAHSHD)

Also can we talk about how pretty Nina’s voice is when she’s serious, it really reminds me of nausicaa’s voice WHIHC IS A WIN WIN!

Really wanted to find out their real names

ALSO WHEN ROBERTO WAS ADOLF REIN WHATEVER??? THINKJNG ABOIT HOW GRIMMER WAS TALKING ABT HIS BESTIE OMG I NEARLY CRIED BRO.

THAT ALSO LEFT ME WITH MY JAW DROPPED BECAUSE NAW WHAT THE HELL HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO CASUALLY REGISTER THAT INFORMATION WHEN YOU DROP SUCH A BIG BOMB ON ME. AT LEAST WARN ME 😀

Johan being a menace to society (in the worst way possible) never fails to make me giggle

Adding on, Roberto is a meme of a character cos just when you think everything is going okay, he makes an appearance and suddenly you know damn well everything is not going okay anymore

ALSO I DIDNT KNOW GRIMMER WAS GOING TO FUCKING DIE??? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT

FRANZ BONAPARTA BEING SUCH A SISSY,, GOING ON A MF TANGENT OF HOW HE FUCJED UP LIKE YEAH NO SHIT STFU

wim being so adorbs <33

EVA AND MARTIN BRO THEY HAD IT GOING;;;(;;(::-6;;) WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE

Eva redemption arc I mean queen was lowkey killing it throughout the series.. sometimes questionable but otherwise ily (but I HATED how she treated tenma 😒)

NINA GETTING THE BEST SCORES GO YOU QUEEN YOU DESERVE IT

What was Johan and Nina’s mum doing bro- did that favouritism play a role in this outrage.. guess we’ll never know!

OH NOT TO MENTION MONSTER SOUNDTRACK SLAPS SOOOO HARD. SKIPPING THE OPENINB FEELS LIKE A CRIME. FULLY LISTENED TO THE ENDING IN THE LAST EPSODE BC YK I WANT TO GO OUT PROPERLY AND DAMN IT’S RLLY NICE? BUT I DONT THINK I WOULDVE BEEN ABLE TO LISTEN TO IT AT THE END OF EACH EP BECAUSE MAN THESE CLIFF HANGERS AND HOOKS MAKE ME GO FERAL FOR THE NEXT EP

WHENEVER “THE SEEDS OF TIME” STARTED PLAYING IN A SCENE I WOULD GET SO EXCITED IT’S PROBABLY MY FAV OST RN. OMG AND “Present” IT’S SUCH A CUTE OST AARGRGEGSGESHSGDFFEDD

THIS AJIME IS SO GOOD HOW COME I BARELY SEE OR HEAR PPL TALKING ABT IT… ???DEFINITELY TOP 3 BRO MAYBE EVEN TOP 2 (idek what my anime ranking list looks like 👹)

LUNGE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC REAL?? When he said he’d buy a beer for grimmer n they can talk about this whole case 💔💔

Nah Lunge was mad funny, his only personality trait was hunting tenma down,, then half way through the series he goes “I’ve made a fatal mistake 😗” n reconsiders his life decisions. The audacity,, and I was loving it.

Milan bro 😢 AND TENMA TELLING THE KIDS TO STUDY HARD AND NOT GIVE UP?? I NEED A TENMA IN MY LIFE.

DIETER IS SUCH A CUTIE PATOOTIE OMLLL

okay after some reflection johan saying "which one didn't she need" or stmhn like that at the end BAFFLED me. it made me really sad too

oh yeah HAHAHAHA johan being an iconic cross dresser. you can't tell me he wasn't rocking that outfit when he was with suk... also when he dressed as young anna HIS FACE WAS SO FUNNY "welcome back! :D" bro is so devious HEGHAHSDG

just thhnking about that tenma push up scene it had me giggling and swinging my feet OGH LET;S NOT FORGET WHEN HE WAS LIKE "good girl" TO NINA .... that's the stuff i want to hear frfr

on a serious note though, he's such a good father figure. this man would make the best father ever.. i've seen multiple comments saying that even johan saw him as a father figure and LORD DOES THAT MAKE ME UPSET :(((((

that nameless monster book spoke facts at the end tho, johan is such a beautiful name no joke

his hair looks so fluffy too

HAHA no how about the scream he scrumpt i was lowkey embarrassed like johan you can scream sm better than that.

idk why but he's so fine when he drops the ground- both times in the library and in the rain. i swear it's the hair and his back

yk this anime reminds me of that one tiktok sounds with the garden song that says "no matter where you are, everyone is always connected". it's quite cool to think about it holistically, but in a sense it's also so surreal, and even scary. this masterpiece is an extreme reflection of our world imo, with many elements of truth and reality. anyways i'll leave this kind of stuff for another post (draft lol). but honestly though, i really liked this series. maybe since it's older, it has that sense of authenticity?? not invalidating other anime series but idk. i really enjoyed it.

RAHAHGSHJDHFGHJG LET'S STAY TOGETHER BEING TENMA'S FAVOURITE SONG OMG THIS IS KILLING ME HES SO my heart is aching sm..

im jus reading about tenma's childhood rn :')

WAIT THETRS;S SOMETHING CALLED ANOTHER MONSTER?/ IS THIS A SEQUEL OR SMTHN... well yk what time it is then!

[the-whispers-of-death]

dominic's furious rn. he has half the mind to call the cops on stone immediately. or at the very least break a bone. do *something* to him

sure butcher deserved what was coming his way. you cant keep evading death and expect it to stay that way, but that doesnt mean hes okay w it either. but dominic doesnt ever show up on the ranch again either. hes spiraling and is besides himself with anger. but he doesnt want to actually hurt anyone so he locks himself away from the world. sorry simba and nala

i think everything on the ranch has just stopped. mārītes just shut down and the poor girl's trying her best to organize a funeral or *something*

i think she settles on cremation. sylvester doesnt care what happens to his body. he does get a kick out of it when mārīte wants to bury the urn next to his greenhouse and plant a tree on top of it.

hes also painfully unhelpful with mārīte. she just wants to talk to him and to make sure hes also happy w her decisions, but bro's like "fuck if i care. im dead anyways. its up to you. throw my body in the river for all i care" and shes like "daaaaaaaaad. oh my god. what is your problem???"

i dont think theres even a ceremony or a proper funeral. most that happens is that a small portion of the ashes are given away to ainārs, wherever the hell he is right now.

well. that is unless someone decides to step in like "uh yeah. no. lemme cook something up"

Maecetis, after I read that everything has fallen apart at the ranch: Oh if only I could've stopped this from happening, simply by going back in time and reviving Sylvester before Stone can kill Butcher.

Me: You're not in this AU, you're literally a goddess in another universe!

Stone is just laying on the floor of the bedroom because he can't sleep in the bed without Sylvester. He hasn't eaten, he hasn't showered. He's just... letting himself rot.

Laila's not doing much better either. She left to escape the memories, taking Anika with her. Akhil is only staying because Heartthrob is and Heartthrob's only staying because someone needs to make sure Stone eventually eats and takes care of himself while Kali takes over Stone's ranch duties.

You know how I said "Let the angst rain"? Yeah, I regret that. As evident by Maecetis chilling in my head, waiting to undo everything.

[garrothromeave]

i would actually argue that making shad the big bad of mystreet would be less impactful for his character than the ending he got!

i WOULD agree that micheal is kinda... boring, but at least it makes sense. the demon warlock was defeated easily in mcd - he still has pent up rage, desires for power, etc.

i think that making shad the villain again would be a bit disregardful of the character behind his villainy. shad is a tragic character; he was dealt an unfair set of cards. he's already the main "bad guy" of mcd, even while not being the main antagonist until season 3. s3 was clearly building up for this big fight with shad, especially with how focused it was on him as a character & the divine. shad was outcasted as a young adult. he was a magicks user in a time where it was still not understood, and all he was seen was was as a monster. it's all he knew. and then he met irene, was given a chance, shown that he could do good, and he did his best to do that.

and then he was given the relic of the destroyer. and then his daughter was killed. and then his friends try to kill him. and then he loses his mind. and then is stripped of his body, his humanity by the one person who had once extended that hand, and due to the nature of the relics' promise of immortality, was forced to rot in hell with no physical form for centuries. did he deserve that?

now, this could seem like an argument as to why he should have been the villain of mystreet - that's a lot of anger, why can't it carry on for centuries after mcd - but to that, i ask of you, look to the ending that was given to him in mystreet.

at this point, ""shad"" no longer exists. when we see him, it's upon irene/mcd aphmau's death, and he is known as "judgement." he is still shad, but he has a much different role.

there's issue in the fact that we don't get to see the inbetweens. we don't get to see how shad got here, how he was able to let go of this rage that fueled him from centuries, we dont know what happened. but it did, and he's here. i speculate we would have seen the beginning of this or at least the seeds planted had mcd season 3 ended, because it's clear by mystreet that this is the story that jess wants to tell.

had shad been the big villain of mystreet, he would be deemed as - well, irredeemable, and would likely get the same fate micheal got. obliteration. the bad guy was killed! woop!

but that would not be satisfying for shad. such a tragic villain, seemingly never able to crawl out of the hellhole that he was imprisoned within. doomed to forever hold hate. doomed to never change. doomed to be trapped in the box irene forced him into.

by the time we meet judgement, he now has the ability to fully separate irene & aphmau. this in itself is important - he doesn't really get there in mcd, but this distinction is one of the most important. i think that's because aphmau did have an impact on shad. not as irene, but as aphmau. they're seperate beings to him by this point - imagine that, irene was the one who imprisoned him, and aphmau being the one to help set him free.

obviously, we don't know what actually happened or if she actually had any hand in it, but if shad can move up to such an important role such as JUDGEMENT itself - this means something changed. he was given a chance and he took it. just like he once had - but he's not the same. he doesn't hold the same resentment. this is truly the perfect role for a reformed shad, someone who would understand the nuance of ALL the actions we make in our lives. sure, it remains unsatisfying that we don't know HOW he got to this point, but at least its an ending to his story! i would kill to see how it happened too, goodness.

but that isn't it either. he's not just forced to immortality in a different light, trapped to be judging those in purgatory forever - at the end of irene's life, the daughter he was never able to see grow up takes him by the hand and brings him through the doors. "we can be with mommy now," she says. irene has died. shad, going through those doors, dies. his time is over. the episode is called "the end of a lifetime" - this is the end of BOTH of them, not just irene. shad, irene - they're through, and they can finally die, despite their curses of immortality. with all of these relics being destroyed & their separations from them, finally unbound, they can move on. shad was given the mercy he deserved.

if jess wrote ANYTHING right in mystreet about mcd, it was this. shad's death. i'm so so happy he wasn't the villain. he was given an ending that subverts expectation and is equally as compelling. i love him mwah

(that being said shadow knights would be cool. i think it coulda been utilized had they been not directly tied to shad as a puppeteer/creator of sorts

As much as I enjoy the lore the later seasons of mystreet provide, I would have much rather Shad be the antagonist that came back, rather than Michael. I already feel like Shad is a way more interesting character (Having a fairly good reason why he is the way that he is.) and with his return, you could have access to the shadow knights, easily one of the coolest parts of MCD.

You don’t even have to use the same characters you used as Shadow knights in MCD. Like for example, what if Gene accidentally got Dante killed somehow and he came back as a shadow knight. That could be a really cool parallel to what happened in MCD.

Or maybe some of the immortal shadow knights could be brought to mystreet, like Vincent, and try to aid Aphmau and friends to defeat Shad.

You could also use this as a way to tell the audience what happened to Shads character and more of his backstory and motivations (considering that MCD s3 was cut short.)

There are so many ways you could take it, and I have so many ideas, I might make this it’s own au or something.

[hdhdkekjfjcnskjcncndmnf]

dont wanna help me? fine

now dont you ever come around saying "okay youre digging your own grave" or "youre only making this worse for yourself" or "you didnt even say anything, doesnt even ask for help" because you know damn well youre fucking lying.

seriously dont even come by me i dont want your face anymore i hope the next 3 minutes you die with your own disgusting spit for making me feel like i will fail at everything at do and make me tired enough to not learn anything anymore and then be mad at me for thinking that i hope you leave this house for good i cant stand you anymore youve made me so damn fucking mad and then come around offering food offering to go out with me saying youre doing gods work youre doing nothing but being a hypocrite

want me to learn? leave me alone and dont you ever fucking speak to me again because i hate your voice as much as i hate myself for thinking you cared in the slightest about how i feel i hate your guts so much i hope in future i will never ever see you again because i will leave this place i will make sure to never bat an eye on your skin i hope you rot from the outside in and feel like your veins are exploding one by one i hope your eyeballs give out day by day so you wont ever see me again you dont deserve that i hope your lung has a failure i hope you have a heart attack i hope your soul goes to the deepest pit of hell and youll never be able to crawl your way put and when you ask for help? ill be only standing, watching you struggle as much as i did when i wanted your help but youve done nothing but tell me im a failure, call me stupid and say i have no god damn worth

i hope you never get to see the light of salvation as you dont deserve nothing but disgrace and pain i hate you so fucking much i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i fucking hate you i hope your insides melt together and you vomit it all out in front of your loved ones and me. i will do nothing but smile at how horrid your life gets i hope you forget your entire existence i hope you live in life of imense despair

i hate your whole being. i hope i never get to see you again after this.

[miikewazowski]

i HOPE you see this.

disclaimer: this post is filled with all the hate i could possibly emit. it is everything i want to say to him, so please excuse my french. it is the punch to his nuts that i should have given him then. it is the mental pain i wish i could have reciprocated in the moment. 

other disclaimer: i am not a violent person. i do not condone violence. this post is simply my demons having a little freedom for a moment. they are running amuck in my head. i need them out. i never abused anyone, i was always the one BEING abused.

you fucking suck. you are probably the worst human i have ever met. youre fucking crazy. you should be a mental patient. and if you need proof of that, i have it sweetie. i will have it until the day i die. in case your dumbass tries some shit in the future. “wHy ArE yOu ReCoRdInG” fucking dumbass. i have all your little meltdowns on tape. you yelling at me, you scaring my DOG. you PUNCHING YOUR OWN DOG, you telling lies, you pulling out the GUN, should i keep going? you cant be trusted. and we ALL know you have your fucking family wrapped around your little finger. you treat them like SHIT and they still care about you. they still think theres something there worth saving. first hand i can tell you, you are a shell of a human. YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP YOU ARE AND YET YOU STILL REFUSE TO BE HELPED. so fucking be it bro. what really pisses me off is you just fucking got away with ALL OF IT. i called the cops on you TWICE and both times you stopped me. i WISH one of them went through. i was on the phone with the girl while you were screaming. hoping you wouldnt see me on the phone. i couldnt put it up to my ear. do you know HOW BADLY i wanted her to trace the call. i was BEGGING for the universe to save me from your insane ass. you are a piece of shit. karma is on its way to you. i manifest it every day. i hope your life is awful. i hope nothing ever goes your way. i hope you rot in hell, oh how i wish hell was real. people like you deserve to live there. burning. in constant agony. YOU NEED TO ATONE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME. YOU NEED TO BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR ACTIONS. YOU NEED TO OWN UP TO THEM. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE IN SILENCE. THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR FACE, YOUR NAME, YOUR ENTIRE BEING.

YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.

YOU PUT ME IN DANGER WITHOUT ANY REGARD.

YOU SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.

takes u to court for emotional turmoil

bitch i would sue you for everything you OWN

i should have taken bucket. youre going to kill that dog one day. for fucks sake you punched him full force in the head because he tried to lick your popsicle. then threw him across the room like a football. i should have called the animal police bro. you cant even take care of yourself, why are you being trusted with a helpless dog? i dont give a fuck about you. let me make that clear. you dont deserve anything in this world as far as im concerned. but that dog, that dog needs to be saved.

you are LUCKY that you still have your family, unfortunately for them. but they are all you will ever have. you are a gaslighter. and i hope to fucking GOD that you dont entrap ANYONE else. live alone, die alone. 

that being said, you pussy ass bitch, if you MIRACULOUSLY decide to admit yourself and become a GOOD PERSON, then MAYBE i will consider manifesting positivity for you. but if you are still the same abusive asshole that i lived with, then i will continuously wish nothing but hell for you.

but heres the thing about GASLIGHTERS. its in your DNA fuckhead. your brain is LITERALLY fucked up. so you cant change. and i doubt you will. because you are “fine”.

well, YOU DONT GET TO GET AWAY WITH THIS. the more i heal, the more i see the truth. you manipulated my entire life. i became a pet to you. a pet that you abused. im basically bucket. i loved you unconditionally, and you abused that love. YOU ARE AN ABUSER. YOU ARE DANGEROUS. you need to be stopped. and i will live with this pain for the rest of my life because of you. i will ALWAYS remember what you put me through/did to me. if i EVER see you on the street, i WILL catch a case I. DONT. GIVE. A. FUCK.  DONT YOU ever STEP IN MY LANE AGAIN. you are dead to me. i was the best thing you ever had. i hope you think of me. i hope you miss me. i hope your heart aches from the loss of me. i hope the pain is as unbearable as the pain you caused me.

now heres where you misunderstood me.

you took me for a fool. someone that you could manipulate endlessly. you must have thought i was dumb. LMFAO. i love HARD but i am NO idiot. i saw you. i KNOW the real you. and it gets clearer every day. you cant run from who you are. and if i have to let the world know who you are too, i will. so stay low. dont make any noise. dont hurt another SOUL. or i’ll pop up. you dont get to hurt anyone else. i refuse to let it happen. i crave justice and revenge. only thing keeping me quiet now, is i dont want to be a bad person. i dont want drama. you aint worth it motherfucker. but im ready for anything. you can not be trusted.

so keep telling your lies. keep everyone thinking you have a halo. keep abusing people. keep it up. i know you will end up where you are supposed to be. people like you dont make it very far in life. 

just know, as long as im alive, you have an enemy walking this earth.

fuck you w, d.e.