#well one problem at a time i guess
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Me on the phone booking a repair guy to come fix the fridge and him asking me if the 17th is alright and thinking that I cannot wait till August and the genuine shock that no, he meant next Monday and not next month. Cannot remember ever waiting less than a week for a repair on something??? I am shocked and elated.
#meanwhile I've fucked up my neck but oh well i guess#my wet hair towel turban just killed me it hurt so much lol#well one problem at a time i guess
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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Obsessed with Lloyd never mentioning his grandfather is the First Spinjitsu Master, apparently to the point even Arin didn't seem to know, because "eh, it never came up". Cause like, yeah, sure, my grandfather is God, what of it? Normal day for me. Shit happens. My dad is also evil, you wanna talk about that? I sure don't.
It's also funny from a character arc perspective. Here's itty bitty baby first season Lloyd, loudly proclaiming he's the son of Garmadon, and probably also making sure everyone knows he's God part 3 electric boogaloo. And then one Tomorrow's Tea and a few more years later and he's doing everything physically possible to NOT care about his heritage. In fact he'd probably rather his parentage was literally anyone else. Dude could care so less he forgets about it most of the time. King behavior.
#ninjago#dragons rising#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago dr#lego ninjago#lloyd garmadon#first spinjitzu master#garmadon#text post#talk#ideas#lloyd that entire time interally was probably like 'did wu get a temple--? oh wait thats granddad. sorry granddad. i guess'#he took one look at that altar and went hm. should probably fix that. mostly cause it'll fix my problem but wu didnt raise no disrespect#(except for when the disrespect is funny) what who said that#do you think he was like 'oh thank granddad finally my godly heritage isnt screwing me over' when the ghost mentioned needing a descendant#or was he like 'well. its another day of me being grandfathers favorite i guess'#do you think sora and arin felt awkward realizing they were in the temple of lloyds granddad. meanwhile lloyd did not give a flying fck#as far as hes concerned granddad can stuff it cause hes 80% all the sht that happens to him is bc God really likes him & thinks starting#problems is an appropriate way to show his love. and he doesnt think god takes constructive criticism#he sure will try tho#also yknow his closest interactions with Gods are his dad & uncle. & Wu is. like that. & also he's so sick of garmadon's bs#'my dad is literally banging some news guy i could not respect him less if i tried. his taste has only ever been mediocre. sorry mom'
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I WANT ENDLESS BLISS!!!
HALF-AWAKE, HALF-DEAD, HALF-LIFE CRISIS
ALL NATURAL POMEGRANATE PULP.
FERMENTED TO PERFECTION, SAVOUR YOUR SAVIOR.
Q: What's your favourite food? A: THE ALE THEY SERVE AT THE TAVERN!
other versions : )
#uhhhh happy pride month have a fucked up chilchuck that im really proud of#i took so long on that hair rendering just so i could cover it up with the stars...#this was a reaaaally experimental one#if i had another go at this id change a lot of things but sometimes you gotta know when to stop#ive learned my lesson from this one so ill do another one with my knowledge now ykyk#ive discovered i reaaaallly reaaaaaally like thin lines#still figuring out how rendering + painting works but hey it was a nice attempt!!#this is my first finished peice in a looongggg loooooongggg time and it makes me really happy how well it came out#i guess switching things up really helped with things.. i usually get stuck at flat colors because i get so bored#cw alcohol#cw alcoholism#eyestrain#<- maybe? its really saturated#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#by the way i always thought him saying “ale” as an answer to “favourite food” was odd#maybe its a translation thing where theres a japanese wprd that covers both food and drink and the translator just estimated it to “food”?#cause if its not... sir??? chilchuck thats not a food... my man... you have a problem...#this is#[ tragedy au ]#but honestly you could take it as set in canon#by the way do you like my little poem : ) im pspspsps-ing at the dungeon meshi fandom/fandom in general to write more poetry/short lit#maybe ill tweek it and post the poem on ao3.... shrug !
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the way cole makes varric conflicted is so delicious i think. most of the characters are uncomfortable around him because they're genuinely terrified of demons and the fade and magic in general but varric is a completely different case. the thing is, he doesn't see cole as a demon at all because he doesn't want to.
he acts like he doesn't care about this stuff. that's a little weird kiddo around here and he wants to befriend him. teach him something even. why not. that's a little guy who's a little too good with knives and can't pick up a single social clue at the same time.
but there it is. the "he could have been a person" line if cole is made more spirit. varric is so upset about it because it's not like he saw cole as, well, a spirit who got a little too human. for varric, he was a human first, a weird kid second. the spirit part didn't even come into consideration because. well. it would make him question things. you know where it goes.
every time he starts bitching about anders he brings up justice. justice drove him mad. justice took over him. justice this, justice that. justice is a scapegoat because the thought that someone varric was friends with was actually willing to blow up the chantry and it wasn't just some evil demon's wish is a very unsettling one. varric's friends may be crazy but they're cool and make no irreversible life decisions of that extent, don't they? blondie turned out this way because he let a demon possess him and make him do terrible things. completely out of the blue.
it's either varric's ex-friend has never been driven crazy by some inherently evil entity and there was a whole other person around him all along and that anger he used to mock was coming from the same place as compassion's urge to become a killer or that little weird but kind kid he started to care about has never been and will never be a real kid. he can't have both. a bitter pill to swallow for someone who has never picked a side in his life
#got a lot of cole thoughts yesterday. can't help myself#anyway. varric really must have not just apostate issues but also spirit issues now. a whole existential crisis#i mean. yeah. he was backstabbed (from his perspective) by his apostate buddies twice#but he also almost adopted a spirit guy. and before that he never took another one seriously for 6 years up until he and his host teamed up#and set varric's favourite city on fire. well i guess he has some mental gymnastics to do from time to time now#because cole is nice. he also kills people but who doesn't these days. also these people are bad so it's fine.#he wouldn't blow up a building for a greater goal or something. or would he if he becomes a spirit again#or maybe it's not about spirits and humans at all. i guess varric would rather not. find this out.#ofc his problem with anders is understandable on a character level and it's not only about justice. but he brings him up. well. a lot#and he never was interested in justice as a separate person. he was like. an evil unhinged anders for him. and then cole happened. and. yk#cole#varric tethras#dragon age
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a better life is a myth. real is better than fake. now is better than then. accept your life. accept your life. accept your life. your problem is your anger. your anger is THE problem. it is your responsibility to stop being angry. that will allow you to accept your life. that's your problem. you're angry and can't accept it. that's on you.
play your role.
#ever notice how the only people claiming dean is angry are 1) writers who don't get him and 2) people trying to manipulate him#i go back and forth on perez sometimes i think he really gets dean and sometimes i think he's got no clue#this is one where i think he gets it and amara is intentionally playing dean#but the way she does it appears to feed the angry dean narrative#the thing is even now having seen most of dabb era i can only think of a handful of times when dean has been angry#and of those they all occur in times of extreme distress when a more vulnerable expression of emotion would be dangerous#you can't just tell us dean's problem is his anger and expect us to buy it without any legitimate evidence to support it#well. people do buy it. that's the problem i guess.#spn#spn rewatch#15x15 gimme shelter
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how come I love leading class and reading groups and small groups and lectures and conference papers and book clubs
and I HATE leading Women's Bible Study
#the actual leading is i guess fine although i STRUGGLE to actually lead#because they're all older than me and kind of friends and confident#and entirely unused to being steered and led so they just take off chatting and comforting each other#and mostly want to talk about their lives way more than about the topic#also our discussion guide is quite meh#but even worse I think is the texting all week long#i don't want to be constantly getting texts! noise! distraction! everyone checking in about everything!#and i recognize that it's a beautiful support in many ways and stay at home moms are lonely#but also. i can't do ANYTHING without that text thread popping up#feels like there's absolutely no boundaries#and they all have problems they always want to talk about#and this year not only do i have most of my previous women with problems i also have one with some really major issues#that i haven't dealt with personally and i need a lot of wisdom and care in leading her well#i need to change my tires! i need to be able to read on my phone and not be constantly reminded of the people i'm helping!#the only way i've remained stable this long in life is by keeping problems in separate spaces!#sigh. and with that i will go do yoga and get immersed in a conference paper#and not think about problems#(can you tell the time of women approaches me)
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the thing with applying for federal seasonal jobs in national parks or forest service is they'll put out a general application for like 50 locations and ask you the check the ones you'd be interested in working at. Not all of them will allow you to select "any" and they generally want at least your first preferences. So basically the federal government has me sitting here with maps open on another tab playing lightning round smash-or-pass with "places I would be interested in working at for 6ish months of my life" checking answers as I go.
#this one had some in my home state and some in states I like so that's nice#but oh god the amount of options. I've been here an hour#the problem is that. for a seasonal job? yeah I can do anything probably. almost all of these are a smash just bc well. I Need A Job#after this position ends#and preferably one that will give me more experience in thisgs I like#personal (ok to rb)#going through the states like oh that's near where I worked a corps one time#oh that's near the Ocoee nice#oh hey that's a not too far drive from my dad I guess#oh neat that one's on top of a mountain#etc. like it's kind of fun but also GOD THE SHEER AMOUNT OF OPTIONS#makes it less fun#also the page will log me out if I dilly dally too much without action.
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Holding out hope that the writing in veilguard will get more bearable but rook saying to lucanis that it's "not nice that Spite hurt him" and he "shouldn't accept that it’s fine bc it wouldn't be ok if a person did that" like. That is a demon. Built off a single emotion called SPITE. Rook I am finding it really hard to believe that u have lived in thedas for more than 30 seconds.
#wow the demons which are one of the consistently evil forces in these games did something bad#hey players do you know that that was not nice#ok thank you. do u think I am 4#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#also grinding my gears that everyone (including dalish elves???) just immediately accept the evanuris are evil/have come back#like the first person to not immediately believe it is the first warden and honestly he is the only character so far I respect#like maybe if this was like inquisition and a huge hole in the sky/rifts opened everywhere#but it seems like nothing like that happened but everyone somehow magically knows about the ritual and instantly believes everything rook sa#the more I think about these things the more annoyed I get#guys did you know being a leader means u sometimes need to make hard decisions... varric taught me that in my ma15+ game#i am enjoying the combat at least lol and I like Bellara and want to see Babylon so I'm in it for the long haul#why does everyone have a gun to their head making them nice though like it's so painfully out of place sometimes#and being able to only say the same thing but in a slightly boring slightly funny or slightly serious way is driving me insane#like I seem to be the only one who had no problem w the limits on dialogue in inquisition but this is driving me insane#Mourn watch rook what if you were somehow boring and nice. yay thank you bioware#ALSO rook stop talking and forming opinions without me getting to choose what u say like no I don't want u to day we have to save that perso#ok I swear I'm done now.. I need to go back to writing my thesis instead of grinding my teeth about this game#this is all coming from an inquisition enjoyer as well (sorry) but like so far I have found nothing I enjoyed about inquisition in this game#maybe if the inquisitor and Ghilan'nain are cool latee on I can focus on that (big maybe)#I am only early on still (just met first warden) so there is still time... i guess..
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oh right, i drew this the other day
#deer#fantasy#fields of valhalla#this quest was supposed to be them stealing from the funeral and risking getting singed for their troubles but it struck me as a decent#excuse to have brida have an actual human emotion about someone lmfao. so rauta and caern are kinda just wating for this to be over and are#bored out of their little mean deer minds#i will take ANY excuse to draw fire. Any excuse.#oc#doodle#exchange i wrote down in the comments on deviantart was something like:#caern: this is boring. i'm bored. how much longer do we have to sit around waiting#it's not THAT big a deal if one of ours dies right? we kill people all the time and no one cares! im bored#rauta: no no this is interesting. isn't it fun?#caern: no. what are you talking about#rauta: well you have to imagine that if this happens when a human dies that means a whole bunch of people do this every time we kill anyone#caern: i don't have to imagine anything actually#rauta: no but just consider it. it's true right?#caern: yeah i guess. ... ..... okay i don't get the point. what are you--#rauta: it's a nice thought right? :)#caern: no. this is still boring. whats your problem#cearn and rauta are. the deer. to be clear
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So I’ve been trying this thing this year
Where I look at the things I’ve decided in the past were too difficult for me or that I couldn’t do so I shouldn’t try
And saying “fuck it let’s noodle around for a couple hours and see what happens”
Because the time will pass anyway and I might as well
And listen
I already knew I was far too powerful and my incredible gifts had to be nerfed by the gods in the form of about six separate physical and mental disabilities lest I threaten the fabric of reality
But it turns out that actually I am a golden god and the limits of my abilities are defined solely by a combination of my own self doubt and the amount of time and energy I’m willing to put in to practice something
I can be as good at anything as I decide I want to be, because I decide when I don’t want to put more work in to improve
And listen
This might sound hard
This might sound silly and completely inapplicable to yourself because clearly you are not as magnificent and talented as I
But that is the demon of self doubt that sits upon your shoulder to constrain your might
And how do you know you’re not also a golden god capable of anything unless you give it a try?
#self aggrandizing#it’s a lot more fun than self deprecating actually#also yeah i am Learning To Art now#and i can draw HANDS#better than faces frankly and fuck knows how that happened#anyway try all the things you think are too hard#and as soon as you stop thinking you must be perfect from the first touch#and just keep learning and focusing on where you want to improve#you too will learn that you are a golden god capable of anything#the confidence of a mediocre white man but then Actually Do Somethjng#motivation#ya damn skippy this is about dungeon meshi#none of y’all practiced and professional artists gonna make me a canary sweater i will DAMN WELL make one myself#not gonna let me throw money at my problems well i guess i will throw time and energy and learning a new skill fuck yoy
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you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…
like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?
like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!
#asscreed#ac syndicate#ac odyssey#dont get me wrong#i do have problems with syndicate and even more so with odyssey#but it's not the tone lol#honestly i think kassandra is the protagonist that's the most similar to ezio if you really think about it#but bc she's a woman she's suddenly 'overpowered' and 'unrealistic'#yall don't remember the insane things that ezio survives in revelations do you#speaking of which#been replaying the ezio games lately#and i have something to confess...... i really don't think ac2 is good#ac brotherhood was a BIG improvement#in terms of story pacing for one (none of those insane unmotivated time jumps... well aside from the strange montage at the end)#and the characters are a lot more fleshed out (probably bc there aren't like 20 of them)#and the handling of female characters is MUCH less egregious#maybe bc there's only really claudia and caterina left LOL#lucrezia is a little annoying i guess... but she gets a pass bc she's cesare's sister and really they're the same kind of crazy lol#and hey we actually get to see how dangerous sex work can be and how it's not just a way for sexy nuns to give inner peace to men#even cristina gets fleshed out!#and i like that we get so see ezio being a little bit of a selfish prick in her missions#and making bad decisions in interpersonal relationships#at least i THINK that's what we're supposed to take away from it... but who knows maybe it's just supposed to be a tragic love story...#i hope not.... i hope the player IS supposed to think that ezio's treatment of her is bad. otherwise.... :/#sorry for rambling#guess im just kinda surprised by how much i enjoyed brotherhood#it had been a long time since i last played it#also the modern day is really good!#that you can talk so much to everyone and also being able to read their emails and the mundane banter... idk i just think its neat :)
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quickish practice covar featuring lily the animove from vocaloid
#vocaloid#volume warning btw it starts loud suddenly#lily vocaloid#vocaloid lily#i did a little bit of tuning but nothing major#i think i managed to identify what my biggest problem regarding mixing was#it seems however that because of compressing and/or equalizing too much the consonants are too loud and there's noise this time#as well as some other issues. oh well can't win them all#one thing at a time i guess#this is just practice so i didnt want to spend the time redoing the entire thing after eventually finding out what my main issue was lol#i feel like i may be more or less equipped to start working on a more serious project nyaow though?#if i actually put in effort it may sound less ass now after having made my research lol#lily de l'animove#my art#<- bloahgh organisation tags
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~
#delete later#another journal entry 📝 for the void#i have not been sleeping well for the past 2 wks 😵💫 i always wake up like clockwork after 5-6 hrs which feels like not nearly enough#i feel like i've done everything there is to do (consistent exercise + consistent sleep times + earplugs + weighted blanket + no caffeine)#last night i took melatonin too but no... same problem staying asleep 😭#ahh whatever. i'm just frustrated that it has to be this way :(#anyways in an act of spite i reread like the 4 wips that have been sitting in my drafts from the past few weeks#i think something that will never cease to surprise me about writing is that more effort/time doesn't necessarily translate to better#results; i suppose that's the case with all kinds of art but#it does feel somewhat unintuitive. one of my fav professors in uni said to not dismiss those 'lightning in a bottle' moments (in art) as#blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply#respect said something similar (wrt artistic rituals/setup). i have too many thoughts on writing and on my own creative processes and#weaknesses to fit into any number of tags here. :') that said...#*shakes ch2 draft* after everything i did and all the hours i spent WHY are you still so bad?!!! D: i am baffled and frustrated.#and why do i prefer this other [redacted] draft which i hammered out with utterly no regard towards the quality??#anyways. back to the drawing board i guess T.T
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y'know despite the pervasiveness of modern au in les mis fandom i don't think i've ever come across a fic that has an interesting and well-executed answer to the question of what enjolras's politics would be/what he would actually be doing in a modern au
#most of the time they just don't care about the question. which is fine#like genuinely it's only one of many ideas to engage with and many fics engage with other ideas very well#but i guess my point is that i think it's silly when people complain that people get his politics wrong in modern aus#i just think the question is much more complicated than people give it credit for and doing it “right” is less important to me than#doing it interestingly#txt#like people do in fact explore how he as a person is affected by his devotion to whatever his vague politics are#which is part of what im getting at here#but not all of it#anyway maybe one day I'll fr write fleabag au. the only problem is that i don't think i have anything to say that isn't obvious
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i just think that if you truly believe barely any bylers dislike/vilify el then you’re just turning a blind eye and being naive on purpose
#whatever helps you sleep at night i guess idk#it’s not outright hate it’s this thinly veiled effort to make her look bad all the time and then you’re like oh but i love her sooo much i#swear ☹️☹️☹️ like sure lmao#and then when someone posts something about how female characters are treated by mlm stans and bylers are like omg not us though :) like no#actually we were most definitely explicitly including you in there hope this helps#insert alfred’s our fandom doesn’t have that typical female character hate problem post#and then on the rare occasion someone does talk about this then here come the mike stans like well actually my poor babygirl mike is the one#who gets unfairly hated on all the time not her :( like oh brother here you guys go a true gift for making anything and everything about him#em.txt
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