#well i guess the option’s always there
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Clari you ripped my SOUL out with that reply to the ask about Touya-nii!! It hurts my heart to imagine him in so much pain. You've crafted a beautiful character; I'm so emotionally invested in him. 😭🥺
aw anon!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 i’m sorry hehehe <3 but wow!!! thank you for such an incredible compliment!!!!! your words mean the whole world to me anon bb, thank you 🥺🥺 <333
#i really really REALLY want to publish my touya-nii work#but obviously i’d have to change the name touya to something else and the ‘niichan’ to like#fratello or something hahahaha#because i am italian!!!#and then obviously scrap the ‘-nii’ suffix#i dunnoooo it’s just a thought#and sell it for like very cheap; $5 or $10 depending on how much content it includes#i just love the series SO much and i’d love to have it officially published :(#well i guess the option’s always there#anyway now i’ve rambled HAHA IM SORRY ANON#you know he wouldn’t live without her!!!!! ever!!!!!!#there’s no fucking way he’d go on without his baby by his side#and when they’re old and withered they will pass one after another#the second to pass dying of a broken heart only a day or two later#ugh <33333#i hope you’re having a fabulous tuesday sweetpea!!!#stay safe and don’t forget to drink water!!!#inky.bb#clari gets mail
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the thing that fucks me up about Arthur Bennett isn’t that he would never have chosen different, but that he really could have. that he almost does. but he doesn’t. and the cycle continues
#I love him because guilt is such a big thing for his character. but it never stops him#when he goes ‘I guess I play the game’ yeah fucker I bet you do#you don’t break the cycle you play the games the way they were meant to be played#you play a little too well#and you’ll always hate yourself for it#arthur bennett I’m putting you under a microscope#jrwi#jrwi spoilers#jrwi the suckening#the suckening#the suckening spoilers#arthur bennett#sorry for so many tags idk what spoiler option everyone got blocked yknow#z speaks
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one time eva told me that inigo was basically just a total drama character and i cant like that kinda hit me like a slap in the face but like in a good way because like. she was right. and that was several months ago but the concept was so good i sometimes just come back to it and now i have a question for the class
no i dont think inigo (or anyone else i excluded) would win but if you have a case for him im open
#fe13#polls#i think severa could do it but she’d have to pull a heather#where she starts off bad and goes through forced character development#i think yarne could pull off a flying under the radar kind of win#where him being a scaredy cat is just kinda like. ‘well hes definitely not gonna make it’ and then he does#but then like i feel like they could be fucked up and try to feed him rabbit or something and he would have to leave so 50/50#i dont think inigo would win i really dont#but i think he could go far#unfortunately i think he’d actually be good at the game but then. well. target#i think the same thing goes for kjelle which is why shes not here#but i guess theres always the possibility she just wins every challenge so it doesnt matter#i also just didnt want to write all 13 options it splits the vote too much#i think owain would be funny but i think hes also either 100% winning or the first one voted out#bc god… SHUT UP#how many of u guys have actually watched td#i feel like it was so popular but when i ask ppl around me theyre like What are u talking about#LIKE WHAT DID YALL WATCH AS KIDS HELLO….
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Love being able to write. I can do whatever i want. I can make Ryuji interact w Lala-chan and u literally cant stop me.
#chattin#i feel like shinjuku and crossroads doesnt get enough love#ohya and lala dont get enough love 😭#if they had an option to work there as a parttimer some how my akira wouldve absolutely taken it#u never see the place packed or w customers at all; it just feels cozy every time u go there#akira doesnt have a lot of places free from prying eyes; so id imagine he goes there often to just hang and study#catch up w ohya and get a bit of knowledge and validation from lala#like shes so sweet. i love her. she comes across as wise without being unapproachable#she makes comments she shouldnt (talking about ohyas job and history) bc she just forgot that she shouldnt lol#adamant about not letting him drink while hes there. its like. a safe space for him.#and i think hed like to invite his friends into his safe space; esp ryuji#gets to a point where even ryuji stops by on his own sometimes.#hes got questions but hes always in his head; never says it out loud#but it leads him in the right direction almost all the time#im thinkin of him having like. the most base level internalized homophobia and transphobia#like the kind of shit you just pick up as a child and teen and never question#and u kinda make fun of it bc everyone else is. but akira stumbles into his life and makes it so confusing#like. i dont think hed be trans. but akira would make him second guess alot about himself#about what he likes. what hes into. what hes okay w doing w someone like akira#and lala is like. u got that look in ur eyes kid. come sit.#doesnt entirely get it. but he feels a little lighter. not on labels but on his feelings#‘kid. u think of the ideal person and u think of him. at that point; it dont matter what bits he got.’#and its blunt and MAYBE it gets him a little flustered. but hes always responded well to blunt words. no beating around the bush#makes his brain confront shit head on without the second guessing hed suffer through when left on his own#WAA. rambling.#gonna see if i can draft this up at some point
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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having another one of my job-related crises
#where are the jobs for blokes that do fuck all. where are they!!!!!!!#i am quite literally looking for jobs where you do nothing. you do not understand how much i dont want to do anything#granted my current job has a certain amount of doing nothing in that i have the time to look for jobs where i do nothing#but i want to do even more nothing. do you understand#if i lived on my own i probably would consider some weird night shift job#but its probably better i have the routine i have living during the day like a normal person#despite the drawbacks of my cursed routine#where are those jobs i see people making tiktoks about where you do fuck all in the office and send like one email a day. id kill for that#my dream is to be paid for like. mostly sitting somewhere where i can work on my needlepoint#id even do mindless data entry. PLEASE pay me for mindless data entry i love repetitive tasks. if you let me listen to music im unstoppable#ive come across a couple data entry jobs but i think they always require a college degree#and its like oops sorry i never had the time or money for that! still dont! however i can promise you my autism is qualification enough#my dad talks about the market research jobs he used to have and how for like the entry level jobs there#there was clearly so much goof off time they were playing early computer games and shit#but there were like so much more data entry jobs that i guess are obsolete now bc of technology#and its like yes technology good but theyve destroyed an important job category: jobs where you do fuck all#whenever i have one of these crises i also check out gigs n jobs on craigslist and unfortunately everything there seems so sketchy#like every 'personal assistant' job sounds either super pervy or like im going to get serial killed#i should get paid a million dollars a year for doing nothing at all i think#anyway once again my only option is my successful director dreams. would be great if theyd actually happen#<- guy that doesnt spend enough time actually working on creative works in progress#well anyway. such is my mental state today thank you for your time
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I owe hoyo my life for adding new poses to photo mode oh my god.
#genshin posting again yes#but omg its amazing bcs trying to take ss of a character's attack is impossible#like always has the ui in the way#i guess yu could get a friend to help?#but them actually adding cool poses is soooooooo good omg#its so funny all the other characters thay got poses this ssn are pretty boring imo?#like they're all just standing there#i think actually xiangling's is prob the 2nd best?#and then they give raiden the sickest pose ever#they know us so well bcs as soon as i obtained it i started going around inazuma trying to find the best photo location#PLS HOYO GIVE MIKO AN EQUALLY GOOD POSE I BEG I BEG#theres so many little options rn 😔 im so glad raiden got one and the best of the bunch#i just need them to give every electro woman a sick pose#could you imagine a miko one w the tails from her ult.....#or a clorinde one with one of her poses from her skill#at first im like thats silly theyre adding poses cause i first thought it meant poses for the pfps#and now this is the best thing thats ever happened to me#tho im punching the wall abt how you basically cant take any pics in the imaginarium theater room :(#i think the only comparable pics i have to these are when i got Eula#my pics of her are actuallt pretty good#genshin impact#catie.rambling.txt
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bleh
#blabbering#rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold#i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me#basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it#which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl#(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin#might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrors™ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out#and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depresso™).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no#No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon#(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options#watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)
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ive joked about it before but man i really am the only person on earth who remembers the gun commander is a character that exists arent i . because the other day when the shadow panel was happening and the voice actors were talking about their characters and how they were eachothers only friend and maria was completely isolated from other people i was like What about the gun commander . and i havent seen anyone else point the contradiction out . lmao
#okay well i cant find a video of the full panel so i cant recheck that they said those things but i swear they did i remember hearing it#for people who never played shadow the hedgehog and dont know what im talking about#its shown that one of the guys whos currently in charge at gun lived on the ark as a kid and was close friends with maria#but he hated shadow because he witnessed his creation and it scared him and he always blamed him for marias death#and its NOT one of those extremely minor details only hardcore fans would notice either . its shown in the main story#to be clear i dont even care about the gun commander as a character. hes one of the sonic characters i care about the least#i just cant help but notice people always forget about him when talking about stuff related to the ark#(like saying that maria didnt have any friends aside from shadow or that her and shadow were the only kids who lived there around that time#or that shadow was the only person who lived on the ark thats still alive)#i mean hes one of those things that wasnt in sa2/sonic x and was added in later so i guess its fair a lot of people forget. but lmao#now im wondering if sega forgot he existed or if the current voice actors just didnt know he existed in the first place#i think the second option is probably more likely because from the way they talked#it seemed like they dont really know muhc about the sonic lore aside from what theyre told about for upcoming projects#so maybe the gun commander just isnt relevant right now so they werent told about him?
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wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man
#fucking hate ppl commenting on my 'self control' for being sober bc I get it all the fucking time and its so patronising !!!!!!#even if its not intended that way. dont care didnt fucking ask. especially from someone im friends with#but whatever i should know better than to expect ppl to know me#maybe other ppl need discipline to stay sober but i dont bc the alternative is a non option and always has been. not that hard for me#and i have my own self control struggles w other shit man like im not pristine and perfect fuck off. you only dont know abt the#shit i actually fucking struggle with bc i dont know or trust u well enough for that.#and i HATE when ppl fucking imply im susceptible to peer pressure. im not. dont fucking overestimate your influence#ppl act like shit is a choice like actually i have a trauma rooted fear that comes from ppl in my family dying of substance abuse thanks 👍#which i dont expect strangers to know. but my friends should fucking know that!!! but i guess its not worth remembering#whatever it doesnt matter im prolly upset for other reasons im going to go out for a walk to calm down i cant be at home right now#even more fucking annoyed that im missing the gym over this. i shouldve been there an hour ago.#i mean i could still go maybe the cycle ride would stop me feeling mad and blowing everyone up once im there. i doubt it tho#UGH. fucking whatever. whatever whatever whatever. sorry for ventposting i was typing out a longass reply#but its not gonna fucking do anything except come across needlessly aggressive and ruin the conversation#even if i really really want to be needlessly aggressive. and ruin the conversation. but i guess i have the self control to not. lmfao#what if i just killed myself. anyway i think im gonna go get some shitty fast food on this walk and watch a horror movie when im back#.vent
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also regis swearing at stygga is so meaningful to me because he swore over milva’s dead body and also in front of angoulême (and assumedly cahir too)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#txt#especially because milva was like… not only his friend but he cared for her medically…#i mean he did for everyone (including cahir and dandelion’s head injuries) but#idk regis seeing her dead when he had saved her life under the bridge and counselled her about pregnancy and abortion#and (i guess it’s headcanon but) when her ribs were broken by the druids and she was healing from that he was there for her#milva was beat up by the narrative but regis was always there with bandages lol#so to see her DEAD completely DEAD with no possibility of healing her#also because *he was off* and he paused for a drink (or two—who knows how many)#of course he’s like ‘fuck this place. i’m going to fuck this shit up’ because how shitty of a surgeon must he feel right now#and if he can’t protect his friends now with medicine well the only other option in his arsenal is Fucking Shit Up#his NOSEDIVE begins early in the halls of stygga castle and he just starts losing it#milva: dies | me: oh… oh they’re *all* gonna die huh…#who knows if regis had returned to the rest of the company and milva was still alive. who knows. maybe he wouldn’t have continued to drink#and maybe he wouldn’t have made that suicidal leap towards vilgefortz in the end#i think that in the loss of the rest of the company regis had nothing left to live for#both from an in-universe POV and from a narrative writing POV#because remember that there were previously written versions in which regis survived and lived#so paying attention to not just when he dies but when he starts to go on this downward trajectory is relevant#because sapkowski intentionally devised a way in which he would die that would be plausible for his character#which means that his death isn’t just random. this version was a specially crafted version to ‘allow’ for his death#i love how AS was like well yeah of course milva and cahir are going to die. but yeah i admit angouleme and regis are just stupid#(to clarify he said angouleme dies stupidly)#but i think saying ‘there were other versions in which the vampire survived’ = this is the version where he is stupid#c: regis#analysis#IN THE TAGS lol#book: lady of the lake
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needless to say i am NOT wynning
#for refrence my skin is always looking to the left (right when looking right at him)#my first online game in a VERRRRYYYYYY long time#im having fun#also he doesnt have to sweat drip but maybe on my next go 'round on my skin ill add it#wynncraft#I GUESS#sona#my sonas coat is now this other thing because i really like how i did the sleeves#and stuff so i didnt wanna cover too much....#boltslinger archer lvl 31 btw i wanted to be a sharpshooter but my style of play is definitely NOT geared towards that#if theres an option i tend to play ranged <- scared#but then i get cocky and start trying to get in peoples business before getting scared and running away again#this is probably the effect of playing so much kid icarus uprising all those years ago#maybe ill color....#ALSO the cut off is of my sona groveling because i think im the onlt minecraft player to grovel regularly in game#well kinda it doesnt look it but i imagine it as my sona on his knees almost praying but its like that one OooOOOoohHHhHhhh emoji image#and then down with luvs hands on the ground#and then up again!!!! idk what else to call it other than groveling#or mourning my lost soul points#okay ill shut up now#if any mutuals wynn or are interested..... hit me up ive been playing a lotta games recently and not doing a lot of literally anything else#but i think it would be fun to play... you just need minecraft and thats it skdbdkdhd its all vanilla too so dont worry 'bout mods#ALSO if i ever dont play with you or anything dont be mad.... sometimes i just am A. Scared or B. tired or C. just wanna be left alone lol#i always feel bad for not playing with people on online its a huge reason i avoided it for years (outside of my ither anxieties)#okay NOOOWWWW ill shut up#wait no i just wanna say i like how i did the bow tip for arrow bomb i think it looks cool#i also wanna say that i put MOST my points in defense so i made the undercoat spiky to reflect that#if i was more agility based it would be wispier dexterity would be more lightning-esque#you get the idea :-)#also i am very much wynning just not WINNING haha pun
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oh yeah the way mass effect made me think of portal which is surely what youtube was doing too in sliding me a portal related video which made me think of like ah yes that little harmonizing thing want you gone credits song does, another banger. then i was like wait speaking of secret losersongs filmed rehearsal videos just the other day was reexperiencing like code monkey's really a banger as well, the way that part of the chorus could have one line end on One Pitch then the next line end a half step up but Doesn't & that pwns actually. then going hang on and they're both jonathan coulton. they're All jonathan coulton (adding in: wow just like will putting still alive on his off the shits jared kleinman a.m. pump up playlist)
#portal / 2 / 2's co-op mode; the rare VideoGames i've Actually Played#the rare puzzle centric games that pwn b/c the Parameters & Goals are always sufficiently clear....#so i did not play mass effect at the time or since. meanwhile i did happen to meet ellen mclain once. wah#doubting that mass effect had any characters singing a song over the credits. Maybe.#but seems plausible indeed the most any individual sings is the optional source material for modern major general / scientist salarian#and that has no Complete Version until here's william lmao. good for him. & those games coming out when he was a little college lad....#wait what the. mass effect the first & portal the first released a month apart in '07??? i guess that tracks lmao but#happy birthday video games....portal 2 in '11; me3 in '12. weird that i was Also in college#''great day to not be in high school'' post like hell yeah it is & i evaded high school entirely lmfao#which was a major motivation in going to college. i can just cut out [school years] that's what i'm talking about. & it did.#hang in there everyone in high school. or middle school god forbid. or college even though it's Also indeed better. lord#just another thing like well try not to die i suppose while put through endless [pass test]#anyways then this full version is created & will sings it!!! & kills it!!! cosigned all the mass effecties....#suppose it's plausible that will ''in college doing musical theatre times'' would look up the composer of credits bops & go from there#let me put together a cabaret solo show & oh gee i dunno....
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The thing is I honestly.. really do still need some kind of second job or secondary income if I want to finally stop having to rely on my parents as heavily as I do / actually feel comfortable financially but I just. Have no idea what I could possibly do
#working 40 or more hours a week at this point isnt going to cut it yknow. id lose my fucking mind#but im just BARELY getting by. and thats with the help#so my options are. freelance?? which i could do and do well theoretically#but in reality i have no desire whatsoever to pursue freelance photography#and personally i feel like id have to dump some money into it either way. id want to update my current equipment to feel justified in#charging what my work is actually worth#there's always my absolute last ditch option of the family restaurant i guess
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hi i haven’t been on here for a bit bc things are crazy but… i got my learners permit today 🤓
#purrs#well yesterday technically bc it’s after midnight now. but i did it!!! i passed and only missed one question. and ive been awake since 5 and#im so tired and i was SO scared studying and taking the test but it was worth it. and now i get to start driving :D#im kinda annoyed bc the question i missed technically had 2 correct answers and it was just like question logic ghat was the reason i got it#wrong not anything abt me not knowing smth… it was like ‘what is an example of something you could do to prevent aggressive driving’ or w/e#and one option was like always intend to use ur turn signals and another one was like don’t compete w other drivers. and i thought well the#turn signal one is a concrete action whereas the competition one is like.. what does that even mean bc it could be a lot of things. so i#picked the turn signal one but i was wrong :( oh well#anyways tomorrow i might get behind da wheel for the first time sooooo 😳 guess i actually can make progress in my life… lole!#also one year ago today (technically yesterday) i graduated….. 😳
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"you can't be mad at people for not knowing" i'm not! i'm mad that you haven't made any effort to learn while you spread harmful bullshit and claim you're a poor innocent baby who can't be expected to know any better whenever you're called on it!
#text#'people just care so much they can't help being antisemitic by accident ://// why are you being so mean'#well the rhetoric you're repeating has literally gotten my people killed so there's that!#if you want to help instead of hurt you have a responsibility to know what the fuck you're talking about#if that's too hard you can always shut the fuck up! that's always an option!#like you can actually you know. listen to organizations that have been working towards peace for decades? figure out tangible steps to take#posting is not activism. posting misinformation isn't activism. spreading antisemitic rhetoric definitely isn't activism#unless the goal of your activism is to kill jews i guess. then i suppose it's helpful to your cause#ilana says stuff#i/p#antisemitism
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