#welcome to the transgender experience

[maydayhall]

I've hated my body more recently and I swear I can feel disconnected for just the air making me feel like a mess of flesh

[solarlesboy]

umm... are there no trans masculine creators on nebula??

im asking genuinely because i scrolled through all the channels and didn't see any? and then i scrolled through the reddit's previous posts about queer creators still didnt see any? so did i miss them or does nebula really not have any transmascs???

[our-trans-youth-experience]

Hi just some notes from the safe space for trans kids :)

If you want to message me to vent or ask about something, but don't want to be posted on this blog, then you can! Just send a message directly to me rather than an ask, so I can reply and help in any way possible.

If you are sending something anonymously, but would still like to be recognized (for example if you write in on multiple occasions), feel free to end your message with a signature. That could be using an emoji/word/combination of the two e.g. ~ 🌿✨

[whats-amata-you]

Man it’s weird being trans. Like yeah I did always know, I did my googling waaaaaaay back in middle school and found the gender vs sex rabbit hole when I was like 11 on ye olde 2004 Wikipedia, I prayed for years for god to let me be some kind of intersex that just looks female so I wouldn’t get boobs or periods, I asked my Texan dad to call me “sir” instead of “ma’am” when I was maybe 7 and he did for a week before he realized I wasn’t going to get sick of it.

But I didn’t always KNOW. I grew up under this weird kind of rock made of autism and whiteness and being middle-class and non-denominational Christian, so I was brought up believing everyone was basically the same, and then there were The Weird Ones, but The Weird Ones were usually fine as long as they weren’t being “in your face” about things. I knew that there were men and there were women and there were intersex people, I knew what was expected of men and what was expected of women. But I didn’t know how the cishets ACTUALLY saw the queers. I didn’t know the consequences of being born in a female body but insisting on being a boy. I didn’t know what my transness would actually cost if I pushed too hard for it.

And no,I didn’t try, because I didn’t know it was an option, obviously. But I’d never seen trans people anywhere before, never heard of them outside that Wikipedia article, never saw them referenced in media (we only got PBS until I was 16 and by then I was disinterested in almost anything outside my hyperfixations). I heard about gay people, and how it was wrong to sleep with someone of the same sex, but it was the lukewarm distaste of casual homophobia that just “doesn’t want to see it.” The biggest cost I actually saw to queer people was just… people not wanting to see them kiss their partner. As an aroace kid, I didn’t understand why that would be a big deal for either side.

I’d only heard of HIV and AIDS in dry, clinical explanations in sex ed. “It’s a sexually transmitted virus so use a condom every time, it also spreads via needles so don’t do drugs. The virus works like this and destroys your immune system so even a cold can kill you. You cannot get it by breathing their air or touching them or using a toilet seat or whatever, it has to be bodily fluids and usually not saliva. It’s incurable and fatal.” In retrospect, I learned WAY more about HIV/AIDS than a lot of kids did back in the late 90s and early 2000s, so that’s a mark in favor of Washington state (or maybe just that particular school district). But I never, not even once, heard queer people of any type and AIDS mentioned in the same sentence. I never heard of “the AIDS crisis” or its impact on the queer community until after I graduated high school and met a queer or two on the internet.

My old mentor Orion would probably have been shocked and appalled. She must have lived through and seen so much that I never knew about up until the last couple years, actively chasing down this elusive thing called “queer history” that I’d never known existed until I created a tumblr account in 2017.

I’m an aroace gay gnc trans masc enby. I could fill an entire book just explaining all the different aspects to my own queerness that I’ve found over the years. Most of it is just stuff I found words for, not things I didn’t already know about myself. And I never, until 2017, had any clue what any of it actually means in the context of society, culture, or politics.

I dunno what to do with that. I’m gonna chew on it for a while longer.

[uncanny-tranny]

How do you stop caring about what transphobes think? I've never encountered any kind of transphobia irl (other than the typical misgendering and occasional ignorant comment) but every time I see hateful posts online I get scared. Are they going to come after me, next?

Honestly, it comes with experience, I think. I know it's scary, you're right, and there's no reason to be ashamed of being scared.

However, if what you want is to make your online experiences positive, you have to prioritize yourself. I used to be one of those people who almost bragged about "never blocking people," and now I have a block list a mile long because the block function is a tool, not a moral indication of being a Good Internet Person. Blacklist words, block accounts, go on private accounts, unfollow people if they stop sparking joy, and your internet experience will feel less like you're walking a tightrope and more like a positive interaction.

Additionally, I really encourage anybody ymto invest in themselves outside of anything else. What I mean by that is that it is so much easier to devalue trabsphobes when you feel at peace with yourself. Whenever I find myself overwhelmed by transphobia or whatever, the first thing I do is take a step back and do what I can to remove myself from that interaction. I've picked up a ton of hobbies, for instance, that make me feel fulfilled when I engage with them. I'll pluck my bass, or read a non-fictiob book, or play a video game, or play with my cat. Evaluate what in your life makes you feel fulfilled. Experiment with them, and go to them as a way to cleanse your soul. It won't fix everything, yes, but it can help you feel as though you have control, because you do.

Honour the way you feel, anon. You don't need to feel belittled - it sucks to see so much shit. However, you don't need to keep others in mind when you're living. You weren't made to kow tow to every little request.

Basically, my advice is:

Not to entertain people who aren't interested in seeing your humanity

Find a way to fulfill yourself. This could look like a hobby, or a field of study, or anything, so long as it makes you feel fulfilled.

Don't downplay your own emotions. Let yourself be angry, upset, sad, and whatever other emotion you have. Emotions are not bad, there are no such thing as "bad emotions". Give yourself the space to express those emotions in a way that's healthiest to you

This takes time. It's okay to not be at that point where it doesn't affect you strongly. Please reach out to people - friends, family, whomever you feel safe with. Community is important, you are not an island. You aren't alone.

I'm wishing you well, anon. I hope you are treated well

[eggsbie]

I've rarely seen reviews/posts on top surgery with John Hopkins, probably due to their strict privacy policy, but I wanted to note on my experience.

As of writing this I am 5 days from my set date with Dr. Mundy at Hopkins. I've had a very welcoming experience, everyone I interacted with was extremely respectful of my name and pronouns (I am an enby, and had my name legally changed during the process).

I had a short wait for a consult because I chose to go with Dr Mundy dispute her being new. Dr Laing had a much longer wait list, as she is the known sergoen at Hopkins. The consult was very very brief and I did not ask many questions, partially due to nurves and how much I've prepped for surgery. I did not know at the time, but you must request to see patient results due to their privacy policy. Even without seeing photos, Dr Mundy made me feel extremely comfortable and went over everything with me and I feel comfortable going into surgery without seeing photos. Her assistant went over everything Dr Mundy did as well when she came to take photos. Both her and Dr Mundy were extremely respectful and made sure myself and my mother who accompanied me felt sucure in our understanding.

I was extremely lucky and was at least partially due to scheduling with Dr Mundy that from a May consultant I was able to schedule surgery with her in early July. With scheduling we were very clear on our limitations with travel and school in the fall and they were amazing at following them.

Some thoughts I've had that I wish was handled better was doctor preference. A lot of Hopkins preparation documents and instructions simply saying "follow doctors preference"( ex, soap for showering day of, drinking limitations, etc) Except I never went over preferences with Dr. Mundy. They did clear up the drinking limitaions with the surgery prep call before my surgery date, but I was never instructed on which soap to use, simple told to follow doctors preference or instructions. I understand Dr Mundy is new to Hopkins and she may not be as familiar with their policies, and Hopkins does provide a general soap guild line that I will be following, but still feel it should be noted.

[the-omega-artist]

The waternooses react to Barbie

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

welp this is probably the weirdest thing i've asked but uh... send me some of the worst stuff you've ever seen (or received) from TERFs. I'll compile it into a single post (and maybe a Google Doc too if I have enough lol)

[cipher-of-the-round-table]

Sharing this for all my Trans friends.

The worst thing you can do, as someone who has recently realised they are transfem, is to let terves and transphobes convince you cis women will never accept you.

I was told that when I came out everyone would reject me. That I would find myself isolated from the world, and from other women especially, who would react to me with horror and revulsion.

In reality, within the first months of coming out, in no particular order:

My sister's reaction on my coming out was, "Right, so I have a sister instead of a brother. Cool. I'm taking you clothes shopping tomorrow."

A friend, when she learned I am a woman, immediately invited me to her women-only, girls-night-out birthday party the following week.

Another friend, when a friend of hers expressed doubts about my gender, immediately shut them down and reaffirmed I am a woman.

I went camping with a group of friends, and we had two tents, one for the boys and one for the girls; I was unsure as to which I should enter, to which a girl friend responded by grabbing me and physically dragging me inside the women's tent.

In the women's bathroom at a movie theatre a random woman, whom I'd never seen before and haven't seen since, stopped me as I was going into a stall, to warn me there was no toilet paper in there, because she'd just used the last of it.

All of these, and more, some from friends, some from complete strangers. All within a few months, as a trans woman who hadn't started medical transition yet, and was very visible as being a trans woman.

I've had some people reject me, true, but the vast majority, including almost all cis women, accepted me as a sister with open arms.

Cis women are cool. It's terves who are bigots.

[catboybiologist]

"Death before Detransition" does not mean that I will kill myself if I can't access hormones or be referred to by my preferred language.

It means that there will always be another way. There will always be a stockpile, or distributors, or ways to synthesize the medicine we need. And even if that fails, there will always be community. There will always be identity. There will always be expression, and identity, or some piece of the trans experience, whether it be societal, physiological, or even completely internal, in perpetuity, that lives through every transgender person.

"Death before Detransition" means that the only way to erase my reality as a transgender woman is to put me in the ground.

We'll talk damage control and ways to help in the coming days and weeks. I welcome input on the topic as well- if there's a cause you want recognition for that will suffer under the new administration, let me know.

But for now, rest. Sleep. Take care of yourself.

I love you.

[tacticalhimbo]

covidsafehotties , a blog dedicated to covid pandemic resources run by a trans* woman, was deleted for "harassment" after mentioning that her abusive, tme roommate had drawn a knife on her. she simply mentioned that this roommate was tme (which does not mean inherently mean transmasculine; iirc this roommate was cisgender), received threatening and harassing anonymous asks for simply stating that she was a victim of transmisogyny, and SHE was the one banned.

edit: here is a [link] to the covidsafehotties discord server; and here is a [link] to a follow-up post i made about certain recurring comments/questions!

edit 2: here is a [link] the new tumblr blog, covid-safer-hotties! in case this one also goes down; to find a better archive of information, make sure to check out nadica's proboard dedicated to covid safety, which can be found at this [link] !

while nadica (blog owner) has privately stated that she is attempting to go through the appeals process, tumblr's email from @staff has made it clear that she as a transgender woman is not welcomed on this site.

just as they have numerous trans* women in the past week.

in fact, she received the exact same email as them, stating that "automatic means were not used to make this decision or identify the content at issue", meaning that real. human members of staff saw a trans* woman being harassed, talking about her experiences as a trans* woman, and banned her for daring to say so.

they even went as far as to state that she "[should not] engage in the unwanted sexualization or sexual harassment of others".

how in the FUCK is her sharing these experiences sexual? how in the FUCK is her being harassed by transmasculine folks on this site sexual??

just a reminder: here are details surrounding tumblr’s NYCCHR Settlement, which is publicly accessible information

Summary of NYC Gov. Settlements [ LINK ]

NYCCHR Settlement Documentation [ LINK ]

in case y'all really want to raise a stink over the "queerest site on the internet" raising their transmisogynistic paws (again). and from nadica herself:

" Can we all appreciate that even beyond the transmisogyny of the likely scenario, that this person disliked a single acronym [re: tme] I used so much that they got the most [active] and interacted-with covid blog on the site banned. i can't imagine being so cruel and thoughtless about any resource "

as a tme person, i stand with every fucking trans woman and transfem that tumblr has banned from this site for existing within the content guidelines. i stand with every fucking trans woman and transfem who has been harassed, stalked, and booted from this site because the moderation staff refuses to do SHIT about it.

and i stand with every other group who faces the same treatment. the dozens of black bloggers. the dozens of indigenous bloggers. the dozens of palestinian bloggers.

tumblr is not the queerest corner of the internet. it is not a safe space. and if i get banned for saying that, then fuck it and fuck every one of y'all who let it happen.

[agendercryptidlev]

We need to talk more about the transmasculine suicide rate.

There's a common saying that every transgender suicide is a murder, because it is the lack of acceptance in society that leads transgender individuals to commit suicide at such a high rate, this is true of trans men who have the highest suicide rate across all gender identities:

[image ID: a stylized graph depicting the percentages of considering & attempted suicide for different gender experiences.

Cisgender boy/man: 28% considered suicide, 8% attempted suicide

Cisgender girl/woman: 37% considered suicide, 10% attempted suicide

Transgender boy/man: 59% considered suicide, 22% attempted suicide

Transgender girl/woman: 48% considered suicide, 12% attempted suicide

Nonbinary/genderqueer: 53% considered suicide, 19% attempted suicide

Questioning: 48% considered suicide, 14% attempted suicide

end ID] ID by @tstomboy

Trans men are not receiving the support they need, and many of them are not surviving because of this. We need to make sure that mental health support and suicide for transgender individuals is as inclusive as possible for these transgender men who are at the highest risk.

We need to ensure trans men feel safe and welcome within the queer community as isolation is one of the more exacerbating factors on one's mental health. We need to make sure resources for victims of sexual violence are inclusive of transmasculine individuals, who face the highest rate of sexual abuse and yet often have to recloset themselves to find support. We have to love trans men because society shows them nothing but hate.

Check in with the trans men in your community, you may just save a life.

[frogeyedape]

She's not cis. She's transfem. See also:

@tpwrtrmnky's comic makes a point you might want to consider

And even if you still don't understand why Purple doesn't identify as either cischromatic or transchromatic, the point that someone who is AFAB can end up identifying as transfem and that doesn't make her cis. It makes her transfem. You don't know the gender journey she took to get there!

And as an aside, "transfem" is popularly "AMAB now presenting as female" but that is far from the only way it's used. There's all sorts of genderfucked ways of looking at it that aren't immediately clear unless you talk to the person using it that way! (I've seen "transfem" used to self-identify as AFAB who was assigned fem but now is transfem man. He's transfem. It's not standard; it's also not wrong. Your experiences aren't universal)

Transing your gender can mean you end up identifying similar to what you were assigned as at birth. The transing part still makes you trans if you still consider yourself trans.

I mean i guess ppl can use it if they want, not my life and it's not going to cause the total destruction of the trans community but..it quite literally doesn't make sense? The point of calling yourself transfem is to express that you were born AMAB (or intersex) but are a woman/feminine. I can't see why exactly an AFAB person would even need to call themselves that?? That would just be considered NB/genderfluid/bigender/etc. words have to mean something to make sense lol. when people hear transfem or transmasc they automatically assume it's someone who is a gender that is not their sex assigned at birth.

[alt text available]

[genderkoolaid]

In Los Angeles, one of the queerest cities in the United States, there are surprisingly few spaces where trans masculine individuals can find solidarity and community. For some, trying to fit into queer spaces after transitioning can be an isolating experience once they start to pass as men. “In general, people can’t necessarily look at me and know that I’m trans,” says Devyn Payne, jumping rope outside to warm up ahead of his match. It’s now different for him to enter LGBTQ+ rooms where lesbians might read him as a straight man or gay men might not recognize him as trans. “Passing as a Black man, my experience has been different in sapphic spaces ... I don’t necessarily feel welcomed [anymore].” The 27-year-old used to wrestle competitively in high school, but three years after coming out as trans he is now rediscovering his joy in the sport and reconnecting with the queer community in a different way — tonight by wrestling another trans man in a neon green jock strap under the alter ego “T-Payne.”

“Before I went to my first Trans Dudes of LA event, I had no trans men friends,” Payne says. “I can’t necessarily relate to [cisgender men]. So it’s great to have people who I can talk about the changes of being on testosterone.” [...] In this room full of transgender people, the weight of a gender binary disappears. Masculinity becomes play material, a performance to bend and break. People dressed for the part exude “Brokeback Mountain” homo-eroticism, another pair act out a construction worker role-play in a BDSM scene in which a plastic hammer is shoved in the mouth. Cal Dobbs, dressed for the part as a judge for the tournament, wears a white wig reminiscent of the founding fathers and a thong under his black robes. (“RBG, classic sex symbol,” Dobbs explained of his costume inspiration from the late Supreme Court Justice.) “Trans men and trans masculine people are redefining masculinity,” says the 27-year-old, who was the first trans person to run across the transcontinental United States. “[Wrestling] is a hyper masculine sport, [but the competitors] bring an element of humor and romance and cuteness to it that makes everyone feel really comfy and safe.” [...] In the weeks leading up to the big performance, Elías Naranjo and Arón Sánchez-Vidal had practiced their wrestling routine weekly for a month, familiarizing themselves with consent and boundaries to make sure they wouldn’t hurt each other. “I was asking them, ‘Is it OK if we kiss? Is it OK if I pick you up and grind on you?’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m open to it,’ ” says Naranjo. But on the spot the two also decided to improvise as Sánchez-Vidal took his testosterone shot on the wrestling mat — a moment met with thunderous applause. The two entered the ring waving Mexican and Peruvian flags dressed as vaqueros. “EL VAQUERO... STR8 4 PAY?” read a sign that Sánchez-Vidal’s girlfriend had made to cheer on her partner. “There’s so much in being brown and trans and queer,” says Naranjo. “We want to show up and take up space ... we’re Peruvian, hot and trans.” The two won best partners, splitting a $150 cash prize at the end of the tournament. Inclusiveness was on the forefront of co-organizers Miller and Bandrowski’s minds as they planned this event. They prepped over 200 hot dogs to feed their hungry fans, a hot and heavy playlist to rally their attendees, and hired ASL interpreters to make the event accessible for deaf members of the queer community. This was their biggest event yet.

[skys-archive]

I think in honor of pride month and also in general forever we should stop trying fit queer people into the identities we think they should call themselves.

And I know no one is going to see this because no one ever does but I'm going to talk about it anyway because this is important.

Bisexual doesn't mean you don't date trans people, it doesn't mean you like men and women, it doesn't mean you can't have a preference. Someone can identify as polysexual or bisexual or omnisexual and have no preference and you don't get to say that that means they're pansexual. Because no, if they don't identify as pansexual then they're not pansexual.

Transmasc doesn't mean you use he/him pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a man. Transfem doesn't mean you use she/her pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a woman. You can be nonbinary or genderqueer or agender or any gender that isn't binary and not use they/them pronouns. You can use any of those labels and still identify as a man or a woman. You can use different pronouns than is typically used for your birth sex and not consider yourself transgender. People can be gender non conforming and not he trans. People can be trans and not gender non conforming.

A trans man can be fem. A trans woman can be masc. Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people are people, they deserve way more attention than a way to one up transphobes. Intersex people face discrimination and body altering surgeries without their consent and then are only ever talked about to say "some cis women have penises" or "some people have an extra x chromosome" and then we never talk about the struggle they face as part of the queer community.

Asexuality and aromanticism is a spectrum. Some aces like sex, some aces are repulsed, some aces only experience sexual attraction to one person or once in their life, some aces need a deep emotional bond, some aces their attraction changes. Some aros change identities. Some aros are repulsed by romance unless it's a fictional character. Some aros have romantic feelings until they get to know someone. Some aros crave a romantic relationship but never have romantic feelings. You don't get to say someone isn't asexual or aromantic enough.

Asexuality and aromanticism is having a unique relationship with romance or sexual feelings and impulses. Someone who is transgender has a unique experience with gender. You don't get to decide that they don't have a unique experience. But guess what? You don't get to decide if they do either. Someone can have a unique experience and still not identify as asexual aromantic or transgender. You can cross dress and still fully feel like a man. You can use he/him pronouns as a cis women. You can have trauma around sex and not identify as asexual. You can never have a romantic relationship and not identify as aromantic.

You can have "contradicting" labels. I don't know as many of these because I don't personally identify as any but please fell welcome to add in reblogs. There are trans men lesbians and gay women. There are sex loving asexuals. I know there are others I just genuinely am not educated enough.

YOU DONT GET TO CHOOSE SOMEONES LABELS

ANYONE CAN EITHER IDENTIFY OR NOT IDENTIFY AS QUEER

Please feel welcome to add anything in reblogs. I'm sure there's things I've missed. I haven't talked about neopronouns I haven't talked enough about "contradicting" labels. I haven't talked about queer platonic relationships or kink or polyamory or enough about intersex people or pronouns vs gender. There's so much important things but at the end of the day it's just so important to not choose other people's labels.

[femalesdoitbetter]

everybody ganster until i say that my feminism includes only females because females are the only of the two sexes being historically oppressed. men in dresses are not and never will experience real sexism.

everybody gangster until i say that once we start letting transgender identified males into female spaces (ie: rape shelters, bathrooms, changing rooms, saunas) then soon all males will be welcome, whether they have good intentions or not.

everybody ganster until i have the most lukewarm feminist take on transgenderism that was widely accepted before men found out they could get away with hate crimes against women by pretending to be one of us.