#welcome back Shania

[cordelianewman]

Do you want the honest answer to that, or the sugar coated version? No problem baby, I'm not going to make you stay home another day for me. Not that you had to stay home today, I told you that. I'm going to try and make it fun for both of them. Maybe start off at the aquarium and then let Colton choose where he wants to go. With some lunch mixed in. That sounds nice, don't buy too much I'm still not super hungry but I will eat something. Especially if it involves something like homemade mac and cheese.

I was going to ask if you were feeling any better, but I didn't want to push. I think that would be a good idea, I have to go back to work tomorrow, we are going to get historical designation on that bungalow we looked at, so I've got to start surveying and drawing up plans -- which means I'll be very jealous of you guys having an afternoon together. Colton would love that, and then maybe I can pick up dinner and meet you guys at home?

[e-dubbc11]

No One Needs to Know

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google

Pairing: Tattoo Artist Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: little drinking, smooches, fluff, maybe a swear word or two

Word Count: 1.6K-ish

Summary: Takes place before Billy and Reader get together, when they’re still crushing on each other and one scene in present day

A/N: Part of the Sweetest Pain Series. I’ll leave the rest of the series linked HERE so I heard the song No One Needs to Know by Shania Twain last week and it just reminded me of this series and sparked this little idea. I’ll link the song at the end.

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕💕

Billy didn’t know.

He had no idea that every time he touched you, every cell in your body tingled from the top of your head, all the way down to your toes and the hair on the back of your neck would stand up.

But he was your tattoo artist, he was supposed to touch you, he was supposed to rest his long talented fingers on your warm soft skin as he drew permanent works of art on you for everyone to see, but you weren’t supposed to be turned on by it. The needle gently scratching the surface of your skin for hours, although painful at times, was the best kind of pain and it kept you going back for more.

The growing ache between your thighs, the butterflies in your stomach, and the goosebumps that peppered your skin…all of them were not supposed to happen. Billy’s clean familiar smell of green soap was not supposed to be one of your favorite smells in the world but it was.

Impure thoughts of “What else are those fingers good at besides art?” or “I wonder what it’s like to fuck in the tattoo chair?” raced through your mind almost daily.

A couple of days before your appointments, your heart would begin to beat just a little bit faster than normal, you’d catch yourself daydreaming and smiling for no reason thinking about Billy. You would replay some of your past appointments in your head, how gentle he was drawing little circles on your skin with the petroleum jelly before pressing the needle to your skin, how cool the sharpie felt at first when he needed to free hand some of the flowers on your arm, and how the warm air that escaped his lips moved across your shoulder when he was trying to get the stencil to dry quickly.

All of these thoughts and memories made you question whether or not what you felt for Billy was just a crush or…were you in love with him. Above everything else, the two of you were friends and you didn’t want to ruin the friendship by telling him how you felt if he didn’t feel the same way about you.

It was even difficult to tell your friends what you were feeling for Billy because of his reputation around town of being a womanizer and never having a serious relationship so you never even told them you had a crush on Billy.

They learned how you really felt about him during a karaoke session where you were a little bit tipsy on one of your girls’ nights. You sang Shania Twain’s No One Needs to Know. They figured it out pretty quickly after that. Just as Billy told you he had a secret love of 80’s hair metal, 90’s country was your guilty pleasure. Ever since you had walked into his shop, you had that song playing in heavy rotation.

Am I dreamin’ or stupid?

I think I’ve been hit by cupid

But no one needs to know right now

I met a tall, dark and handsome man

And I’ve been busy makin’ big plans

But no one needs to know right now

I got my heart set, my feet wet

But he don’t even know it yet

But no one needs to know right now

I’ll tell him someday some way somehow

But I’m gonna keep it a secret for now

“Is that song about anyone in particular, y/n?” Your friend Danielle asked.

Her question took you by surprise because you thought you were doing a good job of hiding the fact that you were crushing hard on your tattoo artist, so you just shook your head nonchalantly.

“Come on, you can tell us. We’re your best friends!” Said Jessie, excitedly.

Danielle pondered for a minute and then asked, “Well what if we guessed who it is? Would you tell us yes or no?”

What harm could come from them guessing? You were really sure that they had no idea you had a crush on Billy.

“Sure. If you guess, I’ll tell you yes or no.” You said.

Both of them were deep in thought before Danielle asked, “What about that dude from work? The one that always comes into your cube to talk.”

You closed your eyes briefly and shook your head.

Jessie had the next guess.

“Or the guy from the gym that always asks you to spot him?” She asked.

You replied with a slightly sinister smile. “Nope! Not him either.”

“Well, shit…who could it be?” Danielle asked in a frustrated tone.

You could almost see the lightbulb appear over Jessie’s head when a wide smiled stretched across her lips and her eyes lit up with excitement when she said, “I got it! Ya know how she is always ridiculously happy after she’s done at the tattoo shop?!”

Danielle’s eyes widened and started pointing.

“Oh my god, she has a crush on her tattoo artist!!” Exclaimed Danielle.

Jessie gasped then replied, “I think you might be right!”

The two of them held their breath as they waited for you to reply.

You didn’t want to keep it a secret anymore. “Yes, alright. I have a HUGE crush on Billy, ok. And I know you guys are gonna tell me he’s always out with different women but we’re friends, we always talk and laugh when I’m at the shop. It’s just easy with him and I just…I just really like him, ok?”

Your friends looked at you fondly like they knew you were really in love with him and no matter how badly they wanted to tease you about it, they just couldn’t bring themselves to do it. They just wanted you to be happy.

Danielle worked at a bar that Billy frequented and she then told you something that surprised you.

“Ya know since he’s been tattooing you, he hasn’t been to the bar…at all. Well, maybe a handful of times with Frank but he always leaves alone.” She said with a friendly smile, moving a stray hair away from your eyes.

I want bells to ring, a choir to sing

The white dress, the guests, the cake, the car, the whole darn thing

But no one needs to know right now

I’ll tell him someday some way somehow

But I’m gonna keep it a secret for now

We’ll have a little girl, a little boy

A little Benji we call Leroy

But no one needs to know right now

“He hasn’t? He’s been tattooing me for six years!” You asked with a hitch in your voice.

She shook her head slowly. “No…I even asked about the nights I’m not there. Maybe you should tell him how you feel. He could feel the same way you do, ya know.”

“I have another appointment in a few days.” You said nervously.

Jessie looked at Danielle then looked back at you and said, “I think it’s time to tell him. He really could be the one…and I’m just gonna throw this out there, you guys would have beautiful babies.”

The three of you laughed, hugged and enjoyed the rest of the night but it didn’t make you any less nervous about telling Billy how you really felt about him.

You really hoped he felt the same way.

**********

“And I did feel the same way.” Said Billy, as he kissed the top of your head.

As you kissed him on the cheek, the bristles of his beard gently tickled your lips and your mouth split into a smile. Billy had also been nervous about telling you how he felt about you because he was scared to fall in love, scared that if he finally let his guard down that you would leave and never come back…just like his mother had done.

Falling in love would just be another curse, leading to more pain and self-loathing because he thought he didn’t deserve love.

That’s why he never had long term relationships. If he never got attached, they’d never have a chance to leave and he wouldn’t consider himself weak. But you were different. You were everything he had ever wanted, someone who could make him laugh, someone he could open up to, and someone who accepted him for who he really was. Billy Russo was finally happy because of you, his little firecracker.

“We had beautiful babies too.” You said with a warm smile.

Billy captured your lips with his, your smiles chasing each other in between kisses, and he gazed at you with his endless brown eyes like he hadn’t seen you in a week. With that million-dollar smile and a wink, he pulled you flush against his chest and said, “Well, you know what we have to get now, right sweet girl?”

Confused, you pulled away slightly and asked, “What’s that, baby?”

“A little Benji we call Leroy.” Billy sang softly to you in your ear.

As a wide smile stretched across your lips, his long slender fingers reached for the hem of your shirt then brushed the soft skin of your stomach as he leaned in until his lips were on yours once again.

From the very first time Billy kissed you, it felt like his kisses were meant to be all for you, like the ones that came before you never existed and he’d be the first one to tell you that none of them mattered to him…at all.

Billy had wanted you all along and he wanted everyone to know…right now.

And I’m not lonely anymore at night

And he don’t know that only he can make it right

I’m not dreamin’ or stupid

But boy have I been hit by cupid

And no one needs to know right now

Tag List: @wheresthesunshinesblog @rafaelakelley @idaoftheburningmind @fakehappy27 @snowkestrel @music-indie-tv @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @fictional-hooman @celestialend @nutmeg17 @k-marzolf @vaguekayla @rosaleenablack @danzer8705 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @aoi-targaryen @rachlovesactors @qu1etwolf

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @ittybxttykxttytxtty @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @mrsbillyrusso

If you’d like to be added (or removed from) my tag list(s) for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but you didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again.

[jamdoughnutmagician]

A Cut Above The Rest

Mechanic!Eddie x Fem!Hairdresser!Reader

Will You Be My Girl? (Part 10) FINAL PART

Summary:Things are starting to look up for you as the prospect of a new job comes your way, and the boy of your dreams has one final surprise for you (sorry I suck at summaries but I didn't want to spoil anything!!)

also I highly suggest listening to this just so you can imagine the same thing I imagined when I wrote a particular scene.

Thank you so much to everyone and anyone who read and enjoyed this fic. Writing it was at times very challenging but it warms my heart to know that even a small handful of people liked this story. 🧡

Word Count:1,988

<- Previous Part

Masterlist Series Masterlist

It takes you about an hour and a half to drive into Indianapolis, the sounds of Shania Twain’s ‘Come On Over’ album filtering through your car’s CD player as you pull up outside of the salon in the centre of town.

The exterior of the building already looks way more fancier than any other establishment you’ve ever set foot in, never mind worked in, with colourful lights and flowers decorating the windows.

You pick up your portfolio from your passenger side seat and make your way to the salon. You push through the door, with a chirpy bell ringing above you as you do.

You approach the front desk where a young girl with long, dark braids greets you.

“Hello, Welcome to Blossom Studios, how can I help you today?” she smiles, her pearly teeth shining between glossy lips.

“Um hi, I spoke to Madison Martin on the phone a few days ago, I have a meeting with her today.” you say confidently.

“Ah yes, of course! You must be Y/n? I heard Maddie talking about you. Right this way.” she smiles as she brings you through the salon’s already busy floor to a small room toward the back.

The girl knocks on the door,

“Hey! Maddie, your girl is here.” she shouts.

“Thank you, Naomi, send her in.” comes the voice from behind the door.

Naomi pushes the door open for you, and ushers you into the small back-room.

A woman with her glossy strawberry blonde hair styled back into a sleek and professional ponytail stands up to greet you.

“Hi, I’m Madison, you must be Y/n, right?” she smiles as she extends her hand for you to shake.

“Yes, that’s me.” you nod politely as you shake her offered hand.

“Well, we’re a bit short staffed at the moment, and we are looking for people to work here on a more permanent basis, and when I saw your advertisement in the library, I thought I’d take a chance on you.”

“Well I’m very glad of the opportunity.” you smile. “If I may, I’d like to show you my portfolio?” you say raising the black ring binder in your hands.

“Of course, I’d love to see your work.” she returns as you hand over your folder.

You sit quietly as Madison begins to leaf through your folder, looking over the pictures of your work, as well as reading through your resume and cover letter.

“I see that you're a very accomplished stylist, and have a very well-put together portfolio. If you’re willing, I would love to ask you to be a part of our styling team.” she smiles brightly handing over your portfolio back to you.

“That would be amazing! I would love to” you cheer.

“That’s wonderful news, of course for the first two weeks, we’ll have one of our senior stylists shadow you, and show you how we do things around here, but I think that someone like you could be a great asset to our team” Madison praised.

“Again, thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity, I promise I’ll give it my all.” you reassure her with a confident smile.

“I’m sure you will.” she shakes your hand once more. “You start Monday at nine o’clock.”

“Nine o’clock it is, I’ll see you then. Thank you again.” You smile brightly as you gather your things back up and make your way out of the Salon.

You get back into your car before breaking into a small victory cheer, thinking how things couldn’t have gone any better for you. 

You reach into your bag to pull out your phone, immediately wanting to call Robin to tell her the good news.

The line rings three times before she picks up, her voice already eager to hear what you had to say.

“Well? Did you get it? Did you get the job?” she babbles out.

“I got the job!” you tell her, beaming with happiness and a wide smile spreading across your face.

You have to hold your phone away from your ear slightly as the sound of enthusiastic screams from your best friend echo down the line.

“I knew you would get it! I told you!” she exclaims, with a cheerful laugh. “Get back here and I’ll treat you to a celebratory drink in The Hideout!” 

“You’re on, Buckley. I’ll see you there.” you say as you end the phone call and begin to make your way back into Hawkins.

“Right, I just got off the phone with Y/n” Robin says, pulling Eddie closer. “So that gives you about an hour and a half to make sure everything is ready to go for when she gets here, okay?”

“Relax, Buckley. I know the plan. I worked it out myself, I’ll have you know.” Eddie replies confidently.

“Okay, so when she gets here, I’m going to bring her in, get a drink with her at the bar, and then you and your boys are on, got it?” She reiterates the plan once more, going through it, making sure every last detail goes as it should.

“Got it.” Eddie nods, his shaggy curls bouncing as he does, before turning to go set up things on the stage.

“Oh! Eddie?” Robin calls out to him. “Good luck.” she smiles giving him a thumbs up.

He rewards her with a thumbs up of his own before setting up the stage with the rest of Corroded Coffin.

You walk into the already busy and bustling Hideout, and surely enough Robin is there to greet you with wide open arms.

“There she is! The girl of the hour” she smiles, bringing you into a squeezing tight hug. “I knew you’d nail it”

“Thanks Rob!” you nod.

“Now how about I buy you a celebratory beer?” 

“Sounds perfect to me.” 

You take the time to enjoy a quiet drink with your friend on a Friday evening, catching up with each other, and just talking about everything and anything.

“Y’know, Eddie’s performing with his band in a bit, shall we head down to the stage to watch him?”

You can’t help the butterflies that flutter in your stomach at the mention of his name.

You link your arm around Robin’s and make your way over to the seats in front of the stage.

The guitars, drum kit and microphone stand are already wired and set up, as Eddie and the rest of the band make their way on to the stage.

He looks every inch the rockstar you know he is, with his beloved Dio vest thrown over a dark Judas Priest t-shirt. Ripped black jeans and a pair of black DMs complete his look.  He saunters up to the microphone as he slings his crackled red and black guitar across his body.

“Good evening everyone!” he shouts out to the small gathered crowd, earning him a few cheers “I hope everyone’s having a great day! We are Corroded Coffin, and tonight we are here to make your Friday a little bit more metal.” he rasps as he leans into the microphone with a slight chuckle.

Eddie and the rest of the band launch into their set list, playing a few songs from Black Sabbath, Motörhead, and Metallica. His voice is perfectly gravelly and low as he plays along with the rest of the band perfectly.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to change things up a little.” he says putting his electric guitar on the stand and reaching for his acoustic guitar and taking a seat on a bar stool that had been placed on stage.

“I’ve recently had someone very special come back into my life, and she's amazing, and beautiful and if I'm being honest, totally out of my league..” he chuckles, earning a few laughs from his audience “so I'd like to dedicate this final song to her.”

The rest of the band take a backseat, as Eddie takes centre stage with the spot-light hitting him, illuminating him in a soft golden glow. 

Eddie’s fingers start to pluck the strings of his guitar in perfect rhythm, and suddenly you find yourself turning to Robin with wide eyes when you immediately recognise the opening notes of Whitney Houston’s Saving All My Love For You.  Your favourite song. The song that you had shared with Eddie all those years ago.

Eddie’s raspy voice joins in, the song being slowed and pitched down slightly, perfectly arranged and to fit the slow romantic vibe of the song.

You watch him intently, with the biggest smile on your face, and when his gaze catches yours in the middle of the crowd he gives you a small wink and a smile, letting you know that he sees you, and every word he’s singing is meant for you and nobody else.

The song ends, and applause is heard all around as Eddie puts his guitar down and leans into the microphone one final time.

“Thank you everyone, you’ve been a wonderful audience, and you guys enjoy the rest of your evening.” 

You turn to Robin as you watch Eddie make his way off stage.

“I’m gonna go see him.” you smile before running off to find Eddie.

“Go get your man, girl!” you hear Robin cheer as you 

“Eddie!!” you shout out as you sprint your way to him before colliding your body with his and wrapping your arms around him in the tightest hug you can manage. You feel him return your affections as he slips his arms around you and places a kiss to the crown of your head.

You pull away from him, although you find his hands holding their place on your hips.

“You sang my favourite song.” your voice comes out as no more than a whisper as your emotions catch up with you.

He’s bashful under your gaze, his cheeks blooming with a pink flush. 

“I did.” Eddie nods. “There’s this girl I really like and I kinda wanted to impress her.” he chuckles, as his eyes flick down to your lips. “I also wanted to ask her if she would be my girlfriend.” he flashes you that cheeky boyish smile that you’ve come to love. “So, Y/n, Sweetheart, will you be my girl?”

“Yes!” you smile up at him, your heart bursting with love.

“There’s another thing I’ve been meaning to ask you.” Eddie nodded as he looked at you with those beautiful, big brown eyes.

“Oh?”

“Can I kiss you?”

You rise up on your tip-toes to meet him, kissing him with a soft peck to his lips.

“Indeed you can.” you smirk at him, as you pull away from his lips, only to feel him pull you close to his body.

He presses his lips against yours, one of his hands holds steady on your hips and the other weaves its way into your hair, as he kisses you with all the passion that he has for you. Warmth bloomed in your chest at the gentle brush of Eddie’s lips on yours. Kissing him made you feel dizzy, like a million butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Kissing Eddie just felt right. Like you were always meant to be together like this.

You part from his lips breathlessly with a smile.

“In case it wasn’t already obvious, I love you, have done for a while if I’m being totally honest.” Eddie confesses, his lips curling up in a matching smile.

“I love you too, Eddie.” you nod, taking your hand in his, lacing your fingers together. “I love you a lot, actually.”

When Eddie had helped you after you had broken down on that cold and rainy road on the outskirts of Hawkins, fleeing from heartbreak, you never could have imagined that it would lead to this, but you’re glad it did. Forever thankful to your metal-head in shining leather who helped fix your broken car, and helped to mend your broken heart. 

@penguinsandpotterheads @slutty-thevampireslayer @xxhellfirebunnyxx@mmunson86 @avalon-wolf @ali-r3n @jesssssmaybankk @munsonology

[pcwpolwrestling]

Replay: PCW Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, Ohio Taped Tuesday November 3rd, 2020 Thursday December 31st, 2020

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

SHOW OPEN The crowd starts out with a “PCW! PCW!” chant to start the show.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave comes out with a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain and says, “Welcome to PCW- Loose Cannons LOCK AND LOAD!”

The crowd continues the “PCW” chant- much to the annoyance of Suave’s real life co-host Colleen Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “We are coming to you tonight from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio at the northeast corner of the intersection of Airport Highway and Shoop Avenue,” Suave continues.  “I am Johnny Suave. This hot piece of cardboard is Shania Twain and tonight we find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years- current PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) or challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance).”

Crowder glares at and then elbows Suave in the side at the omission of her introduction.

Suave responds in the most unenthusiastic way possible.

Johnny Suave: “Oh.  And this is Colleen Crowder- a low level New York Times reporter trying to make a name for herself.”

Colleen Crowder: “Really?  Do you have to say it like that?”

Suave ignores her and quickly moves on.  He introduces a video clip from 2016’s Extreme Election Night when Trump defeated the Progressive Alliance’s Hillary Clinton.

(REPLAY: Extreme Election Night 2016- Donald Trump (American Patriots) vs. Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) -It’s not looking good for Trump. 

The mainstream media and the Washington DC establishment have interjected themselves into this match at every opportunity including Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman.  Even some members of the American Patriots, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring on Clinton’s behalf and a huge scrum explodes.  Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Cut to Paul Ryan.  He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring.   Mitch McConnell?  He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found.  The rest of the establishment?  Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

Then…

-Deplorables ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people.  Bryan hops up on the ring apron.  He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back.  McAvay wields a Big Bertha Driver and takes down Chuck Schumer (Progressive Alliance) and Lindsay Graham (American Patriots).  Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd.  He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring.  Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair and starts taking people out left and right: Paul Krugman, Don Lemon, and Jeb Bush.

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Deplorables inside.

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle.  The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Clinton eventually has to submit to Trump’s figure four leg lock submission and Trump becomes the new PCW CEO.

Crowder complains… again… that Russian referee Corrina Romanov interceded on Trump’s behalf and cost Hillary Clinton the match.

“Who will leave here tonight as the CEO of PCW?,” Suave continues, again ignoring Crowder.  “Will Donald Trump (American Patriots) book himself another four year stint at the top of the political universe?  Or will Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) put an end to Trump’s run and take PCW in a different direction?”

Colleen jumps in to point out polls indicate that Joe Biden will win tonight and win very easily.

Johnny Suave: “Because your polls was so correct four years ago.”

Suave then eats another elbow from Crowder.

The entrance music brings out the owner of PCW Dawn McGill as she makes her first appearance of the evening, much to the enthusiastic fanfare of the overwhelming majority inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

But not Colleen…

Colleen Crowder: “She’s the real problem! She just doesn’t get it.”

The camera pans around the arena.  First…

The Deplorables/Les Miserables section of the bar: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, McAvay’s wife and one half of the famed West Texas Adult Entertainment duo Dark and Stormy, Stacee (Dark) Perry.  Paige ‘Stormy’ Reynolds is also there along with Bert the Janitor and General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs- all on their feet cheering wildly.

Colleen Crowder: “And so are they. They’re the problem too!”

Next…

The Conservative Inc. section, the American Patriots/Never Trumpers/country club set (Bill Kristol.  Charlie Sykes.  Jonah Goldberg. David French.  Tom Nichols.  David Reaboi.  Jennifer Rubin.  David Brooks, Ben Sasse, Mitt Romney, Rick Wilson, George Conway, John Kasich. and S.E. Cupp)- are on their feet as well but not cheering all that wildly.

Finally…

Then there’s Progressive Alliance section.  Professor McCarthy waves his ‘good book’ (the good book that tells us things that are correct or incorrect to say, think, or believe) in the air while his Flock- The Green World Order (Peta from PETA, GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick), the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and Anna- the foul-mouthed sidekick), the Deep State (One and Two), Emily S. List, and Code Pink- all sit in their seats not happy to see McGill step out on stage.

McGill smiles and acknowledges the crowd.

Her smile goes away the second Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) and Mitch McConnell (American Patriots) walk out and join her.

COMPROMISE AGREEMENT Dawn has a microphone.

Dawn McGill: “WELCOME EVERYONE TO P-C-W’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020!”

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

McGill proclaims PCW is back and the faithful jammed inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon cheer her on.

Crowd: “Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!  Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!”

Dawn McGill: “This show belongs to YOU!  The people!  This show is made by the people for you- the people!”

More wild cheers and thunderous applause.

Next, she tells the PCW faithful that she needs to make a quick announcement before Extreme Election Night 2020 gets under way.

McGill surprises many in the crowd when she announces that she’s reached a compromise agreement with Pelosi and McConnell and Joe Biden and Donald Trump will NOT wrestle each other in the main event tonight.  Cue boos.  McGill herself does not look all that pleased at this development either.

“Tonight’s main event will be ‘Stars N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott of the American Patriots with Donald Trump in his corner versus ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance with Joe Biden in his corner versus Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition for the PCW Title,” McGill explains.

Suave wonders if Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots) sold out Donald Trump by agreeing to the compromise agreement?

Dawn McGill: “Per the terms and conditions agreed to with Ms. Pelosi and Mr. McConnell, the PCW CEO will be named after the match in the same way it used to be- by the owner of PCW which in this case. . .”

McGill turns to Pelosi and McConnell and smirks.

Dawn McGill: “. . . is me.”

Pelosi’s smile suddenly goes away.

The crowd again expresses their support of Dawn McGill.

Crowder protests.  Suave points out that former owner Bubba Jackson was the one who chose Barack Obama not once but twice.  “I’m sure Dawn McGill can make a well-reasoned and fair decision here.  I trust her a lot more than would trust your colleagues,” Suave declared.

Yeah, that doesn’t go over well.  But before Crowder can work up enough righteous indignation to respond…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

VOICES OF ‘REASON’ …CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter come out and walk to the ring and gives the PCW fans a chance to express their righteous indignation.

Colleen Crowder: “It’s about time voices of reason come out and set these idiots straight.”

Tapper and Stelter both climb in.

Tapper reassures Crowder that ‘she’s not alone’ in having to put up with people who are unable to accept reality.

Jake Tapper: “There are some people that are so mendacious, I wouldn’t put them on the air, period.  Like Kayleigh McEnany…”

Stelter shakes his head and mutters “she’s the worst.”

Jake Tapper: “These are just people who tell lies the way that most people breathe-”

*WHAM!*

Crowd pop.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  IT’S KAYLEIGH McENANY!”

And her steel folding chair.  The crowd roars as Tapper falls to the floor.   Stelter turns around and…

*WHAM!*

…he’s face down on the mat.

More crowd popping follows and causes Crowder to become even more indignant.

Colleen Crowder: “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!”

A referee suddenly races down to the ring.

Colleen Crowder: “WHAT?”

Johnny Suave: “WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MATCH!”

Colleen Crowder: “NOOOOOO!”

*****************************

MATCH #1-HANDICAP MATCH

Trump Spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney vs. CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter

*****************************

**DING-DING**

Both Tapper and Stelter remain on the mat.

Jim Acosta runs in…

*WHAM!*

…and joins them.

Don Lemon rushes down…

*WHAM!*

…yep, same result.

Kaitlan Collins…

*WHAM!*

…down and out.

Johnny Suave: “HERE COMES JEFF ZUCKER!”

The President of CNN rolls into the ring.  He’s pissed and starts shouting at McEnaney.

The result?

*WHAM!*

Zucker finds himself careening through the ropes to the outside.

Crowder goes full on apoplectic now.  “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!” she shouts at the top of her lungs.

McEnaney throws the chair down and drags Tapper on top of Stelter.  She sticks her foot on top of the pile.

ONE.

TWO.

THREE!

**DING-DING-DING**

WINNER: Kayleigh McEnaney @ :30

Johnny Suave: “Kayleigh McEnaney just wiped out CNN!”

McEnaney grabs the microphone.  She calls what just happened tonight “a therapy session for a broken network” Then McEnaney drops the chair and leaves.

Colleen Crowder: “Kayleigh McEnaney doesn’t get to determine what the truth is- that’s our job.  We determine the truth.  We determine the narrative.  We determine the news the people need to see.  We determine the way that the people should react.”

Johnny Suave: “Just like pro wrestling.”

Suave winks.  Colleen just glares at her broadcast partner.

Johnny Suave: “That’s the problem.  Most people would rather you just report the news and let us figure out how we feel about it.”

Crowder starts to respond.  Suave cuts her off and runs down the rest of the card for tonight.

ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE FACTION WAR GAMES HOUSE MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) vs.  ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)

MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels vs. ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

Finally, either Donald Trump  or Joe Biden will be chosen to become the CEO of PCW for the next four years.

Crowder says all the ingredients are there for a blue wave to sweep through PCW.  Suave responds that we’ll find that out soon enough and sends it back to the ring for the second match of the night.

*******************************

MATCH #2-ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

*******************************

McSally returns after losing two years ago to Krysten Sinema at Extreme Election Night 2018.  Can she pick up her first PCW win over former astronaut, and husband to Gabrielle Giffords, Mark Kelly?  Or will Kelly continue the recent trend of Progressive Alliance wins in Arizona?

**DING-DING**

Johnny Suave: “And we are underway!”

Kelly and McSally circle.  Wicked chop hits McSally and then she takes a headbutt from Kelly.  Whip to the ropes – scoop slam to McSally by Kelly.  Another whip to the ropes – McSally ducks – off the opposite ropes – Kelly evades a right hand – belly to back suplex to McSally.  Cover.  McSally kicks out.  Kelly with a headlock – McSally reverses and takes down Kelly.  McSally waits – and spears Kelly to the mat.  Cover One – two – kick out.  Waistlock by McSally – Kelly reverses and takes McSally down with a judo takeover.  Leg drop by Kelly.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  McSally gets the shoulder up.  Kelly drags McSally up and pops her with a steel folding chairshot.   McSally looks done.  Kelly hooks the leg.  One – two – NO!  McSally kicks out before the 3.

Colleen Crowder: “That’s it!  I’m calling the match for Mark Kelly!”

Johnny Suave: “The match is not even remotely close to being finished-“

Colleen Crowder: “Nope!  It’s over!”

Kelly swings the chair again – McSally dodges.  She goes springboard off the ropes and kicks the chair into Kelly’s face.  Right hand by McSally drops her and the fans fire up!  Kelly back up – McSally with a waistlock.  Kelly escapes – but runs into a roll up.  One – two – Kelly slips out in time and then decks McSally with a front kick.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  McSally gets her shoulder up in time.  McSally goes to the ropes and rushes at the champion.  Kelly greets her with a chop that literally takes McSally right off her feet!  McSally scrambles up – Kelly measures and SUPERKICK!  McSally collapses to the mat.  Cover.  One – two – NO!   And then a spinning knee from Kelly and again, McSally is down.  One – two – NO!  McSally miraculously escapes again.   Kelly reels McSally in, but McSally wrenches free, only for Kelly to waistlock, spin and LARIAT!  Hook of the the legs.  One – two – NOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “McSally kicked out at the very last second!  It’s not over yet!”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope.  We’ve already called it.  The match is over.”

Shaking his head, Kelly methodically rolls out of the ring and pulls a table out from under.  He sets the table up in the ring and brings McSally back to her feet – McSally fights out of a grapple and chops Kelly.  Arm drag takedown by McSally and she goes top rope. Then…

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  THAT’S ARIZONA SECRETARY OF STATE KATIE HOBBS!”

Hobbs (Progressive Alliance) to ringside.  She goes to McSally and shoves her off the top rope.  McSally flies and goes through a table.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Now it’s Kelly’s turn.  Kelly sets McSally up on his back. Gory Special sends McSally face first to the mat and shook the ring.  Kelly covers.  One….two….THREE!!

WINNER OF ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) @ 7:54

The referee hands Kelly the medallion.

Johnny Suave: “McSally did everything she could.  Katie Hobbs’s interference helped swing the match to Mark Kelly.”

Crowder is blatantly cheering on the result.  She’s going full on gloat.

Colleen Crowder: “What did I tell you Johnny?  We called the match and we were right!  Blue Wave baby, Blue Wave!  First Martha McSally, next Lindsey Graham.”

Suave expresses skepticism about Graham losing tonight.

Colleen Crowder: “The polls and our narrative say Graham’s going down.”

CALIFORNIA DREAMING California Governor Gavin Newsom.  No mask.  Dining out with some ‘friends’ inside a swanky restaurant while normal Californians are subjected to strict guidelines against large gatherings and ‘staying home.’

Newsom makes a plea for Joe Biden to bring PCW to California.

Suave notes that Dawn McGill is on record as stating that as long as she’s the owner, PCW will never set foot in California.

Gavin Newsom: “Joe.  When you win later on tonight and become the new PCW CEO, don’t forget that California is open for business!”

In the background, an endless parade of moving trucks pass by.

Newsom says forget holding PCW shows in rednecky bars out in the middle of Nowheresville USA-California is the place PCW should be.  He hails California as the home of Silicon Valley, Hollywood, the Pacific Coast, Disneyworld-

Johnny Suave: “Closed.  Employees laid off.”

Gavin Newsom: “And-“

Johnny Suave: “Choking regulations that is driving business out of the state.”

Several moving trucks honk as they drive past.

Suave also notes an average California home costs $440,000 (two–and–a–half times the average national home price of $180,000) and that the average monthly rent is about $1,240 (50 percent higher than the rest of the country-$840 per month).

Behind Newsom, Elon Musk looks at him with disgust.  Then he leaves and hops on a moving truck.

Gavin Newsom: “With all that, it’s no wonder that California is the place to be.  So come to California, PCW.  And, oh, make sure you bring your checkbook…”

Suddenly, the electricity goes out and the restaurant is left in total darkness.

Gavin Newsom: “…so you too can live the California dream!”

*********************************

MATCH #3- SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

*********************************

Colleen Crowder: “Our polls say that Lindsey Graham is in trouble.  I predict he’ll fall before the big Blue Wave that’s coming!”

Johnny Suave: “Well?  We’ll find out in just a moment. Will this be Lindsey Graham’s biggest battle yet?  Will Jaime Harrison bring the South Carolina Medallion to the Progressive Alliance?”

…Harrison goes waistlock – Graham elbows him away!  He drives his shoulder into Harrison’s gut and drives him into the corner turnbuckle.  Graham then with a forearm shot and runs at Harrison again – shoulder into the stomach topples him over.  Cover.  One – TWO!

Johnny Suave: “Harrison kicks out.  But the surprise here is just how tenacious Lindsey Graham has been tonight about defending his South Carolina Medallion.”

Crowder calls Graham’s effort noble but futile. She still maintains that Harrison will win.

Graham doesn’t let up.  Hip toss sends Harrison to the middle of the ring.  Cover – One – TWO!  Again Harrison kicks out. This time he rakes Graham’s eyes and whips him into the corner.

Colleen Crowder: “Here we go!  Jaime Harrison is going to-“

Graham counters with a raised foot to the face.  Graham waits – he launches himself at Harrison –LARIAT!  Cover.  One – two – THREE!

WINNER OF SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) @ 3:15

Johnny Suave: “And the answer is no.  Crowder was not correct and Lindsey Graham wins comfortably.”

Suave turns to Colleen for her take on the match.

Colleen Crowder: “The match isn’t over yet, Johnny.  We haven’t called it yet.”

Johnny Suave: “The referee just made the three count.  It’s over.”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope.  It’s not until we call it and say it’s over.”

JOE BIDEN INTERVIEW Shaking his head, Suave moves on.  He recounts Extreme Election Night 2008 and 2012 where the then-owner of PCW came out after the main event and announced who would be the PCW CEO for the next four years.

VIDEO REPLAY: –2008.  PCW Owner Bubba Jackson names Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) as the winner and new CEO of PCW.  He shakes hands with his opponent John McCain (American Patriots).

-2012.  Jackson again names Obama as the winner.   Obama’s opponent Mitt Romney (American Patriots) walks over and shakes hands with the returning PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: “Then in 2016 after Dawn McGill took over ownership of PCW, Donald Trump defeated Hillary Clinton inside the ring to succeed Barack Obama.  But tonight, we return to the old way.

Cut to: Outside Dawn McGill’s office.

Inside Dawn’s office.  The Progressive Alliance’s Joe Biden.

Johnny Suave: During Extreme Election Night, the candidate is interviewed by the PCW owner.

The door opens.  Biden and his candidate for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris emerges from McGIll’s office.

There’s a perfunctory handshake between McGill and Biden just outside her office that seems more than a little bit awkward.

Then Biden goes to the podium to talk briefly to his supporters.  There’s eight of them on hand- socially distanced standing in appropriately separated circles.

Biden gives a brief statement and ends with…

Joe Biden: “We’re going to build back…um…to make better…changes so we can…change for the… better.”

He also added.

Joe Biden: “TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE!”

Scattered applause.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: Ladies and gentlemen.  This is your next PCW CEO!

Johnny Suave: Next in to see PCW Owner Dawn McGill- the current CEO of Political Championship Wrestling, Donald Trump.

Crowder gives a thumbs-down to Trump and ‘boos.’

Cut back to outside Dawn McGill’s office.

TRUMP INTERVIEW Following Trump’s interview with McGill, he and his Aide de Camp Mike Pence exit her office- both smiling.

Trump and McGill share a more effusive handshake, again everyone all smiles.

Trump then goes to the podium and addresses the enthusiastic two hundred and fifty people who’ve crowded into a very tight area to hear him speak.

Colleen Crowder: Really?  Where’s the social distancing?  Where’s the masks?  This is irresponsible.

Trump gives his breif remarks and ends with…

Donald Trump: We are one movement, one people, and one family!  Together we will make PCW great again!

Big cheers follow.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “So Colleen, how’s that Blue Wave coming along?”

Colleen Crowder: “Shut up!  The night isn’t over yet and we still haven’t called the Lindsey Graham-Jaime Harrison match.”

Johnny Suave: “I’ll make it easy for you. Graham has the medallion.  He won.  Harrison lost.”

Colleen Crowder: “But we didn’t call it-“

THE AMERICAN PATRIOT BOX Quick cut to the American Patriots’ box.  The Coke Brothers-Charles and David, financiers and mover and shaker of the American Patriots, glares towards the ring from his suite.  He plucks his phone from a suit pocket and punches in a number.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE BOXQuick cut to the Progressive Alliance box.  George Moros, big money spender and mover and shaker in the Progressive Alliance, has a sour look on his face as well.

TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH TIME Suave announces it’s time for the big three-way PCW Tag Team Title match.

First team out…

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Pop. Big…big pop.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

Colleen Crowder (voiceover): What do you mean it’s time? It’s time for what?

The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her executive assistant Melissa in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone.   Melissa furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring followed by P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

A huge roar greets the procession as it emerges from the back onto the stage and starts their way down the ramp.  Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as the ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.

Berg and her Executive Assistant Melissa leads Banks and Walstreit out to the stage.

Jill Berg Enterprises MGR: ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg ASST: Melissa P.M.C. Banks AGE: 30 / HT: 6′ 1″  WT: 230 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Bank Statement Overdraft Kirk Walstreit – ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.’ AGE: 34 / HT: 6’ 2” WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Stock Market Plunge

Berg leads the group down to the ring. Once inside the ring, Walstreit walks around holding up a velvet painting of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit. Why? Who knows. That’s just what he does.

Next out…

♫ “Do you hear the people sing? – Singing the song of angry men?”

The camera pans over to the Deplorable’s section of the arena.  Ray McAvay and William Daniels Bryan high five while Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido stands up from their seat.

Crowder is not happy to see them.

Colleen Crowder: “BOOOO!  BOOOOO!  These Deplorable idiots are the ones responsible for Donald Trump winning in 2016!  BOOOOO!”

The Deplorables MGR: Bert the Janitor‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay HT: 6’ 3” WT: 215 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX FIN: McGill Bomb Valets: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy William Daniels Bryan– ‘The Prairie Populist’ -4 time PCW Champion.  Former PCW Television Champion HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska / FIN: Cattle Mutilation or the Crane Kick SUBGROUP: General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen

Also rising from their seats, General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs and the man smoking a cigarette in violation of several anti-smoking ordinances…as usual, Nic Koteen.

McAvay and Bryan stands up and edges towards the aisle. Blackwell, and Escondido follow.  Then General DeBauchery, Cahall, and Koteen.  Before McAvay and Escondido start to descend down the steps towards the rail separating the stands from the floor, McAvay turns around and gestures to the Les Miserables to join him.

The Deplorables rise up from their seats and line up behind him and Escondido as the pair start their way down towards the ring.

The camera spots West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy with their protégée Starbrite, all sporting the PCW Ray McAvay “Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up.  Get to Work” baseball jersey, marching along with the other Les Miserables as McAvay and the procession head down to the ring.

McAvay, Bryan, Blackwell, Escondido, and the rest reach the steel barricade around ringside.  One by one, they climb through the railing down to the floor and march towards the ring.

Then finally…

WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!

The song opens with a full minute and a half of abstract acapella tones.  The wrestlers already in the ring wonder what the hell is with the music.

They’d find out soon enough after another minute of somber keyboard strikes and overlaid whale calls.

Male Voice: “My name is Brock Cole Lee.  You can call me the Vengeful Vegan.  And I’m here to let you know one thing.  It’s time for a new force to emerge.  It’s time for someone to come in and take over.  It’s time for us- the GREEN… WORLD…ORDER!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Brock Cole Lee: “That’s right.  Boo us all you want.   The bottom line is . . . the Green World Order is here and WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!”

This excites Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: “They’re changing everything Johnny!”

Johnny Suave: “They’ve been saying that since 2005.  I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Lee, his tag team partner GreenPete, and valet Peta from PETA- who spends most of the trip to the ring shouting at people for eating hamburgers and other assorted objectionable food.

Green World Order Valet: Peta from PETA GreenPete HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 195 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA FIN: Harpoon (modified spear or gore) ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 192 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: The Juicer WITH: PeaceNick

All three teams in the ring now.

*********************************

MATCH #4-PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:

Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

*********************************

Johnny Suave: “This is NOT an elimination match.  The first team who gets a pinfall will be the new PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “GO GREEN WORLD ORDER!”

P.M.C. Banks, McAvay, and GreenPete will start.  Outside the ring, The ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg watches with arms folded.  The Green World Order’s PeaceNick chants peaceful, pacifistic mantras while Peta continues to berate people at ringside for eating meat.  The Deplorables at ringside clap their hands and cheer on McAvay and Bryan.

Brock Cole Lee and Kirk Walstreit taunt each other on the ring apron.  Banks and GreenPete do a lot of talking while McAvay and Bryan confer.   Banks shoves GreenPete.  GreenPete shoves Banks.  Head butt by GreenPete staggers Banks.  He slams him down.  Cover.  One – two – McAvay makes the save.

Banks rolls out of the ring.  GreenPete tags out to Brock Cole Lee who tells Banks to get his ass back into the ring.  Banks and Walstreit talk strategy outside the ring with Jill Berg.   Finally, a ten count begins and Banks returns.

Banks ties up with McAvay.  McAvay gets leveled from behind by Lee.  Banks decides he’s had enough and tags out to Kirk Walstreit.  Walstreit rushes in – Lee gets a takedown.  Waistlock by Lee – he holds on as Walstreit tries to escape.  McAvay back up and he’s got a chair thanks to his tag partner.  *WHAM!*  Walstreit then German Suplexes Lee.  Oklahoma Roll – one – two – GreenPete in for the save.  Bryan tags in and he connects on a mat slam to Walstreit.  He covers.  One – two – BANKS MAKES THE SAVE!  Lee tags GreenPete back in.  Bryan and Walstreit duel – MULE KICK by GreenPete connects.  Walstreit lets go – he dives for the corner – NO!  GreenPete pulls him back at the last second.  Lee clocks Bryan from behind with a steel folding chair and then throws him out of the ring.  Banks tags in for Walstreit.  GreenPete kicks Banks around the ring. Banks down.  He tries to get to his corner but Walstreit stomps away with kick after kick after kick.  The referee starts a five count – GreenPete stomps more.  Then he goes back suplex but Banks lands on his feet.  He ducks two more kicks from GreenPete and hits a DESPERATION BANK STATEMENT OVERDRAFT.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Colleen Crowder: “THAT CAN’T BE LEGAL!”

Suave assures her it is and that GreenPete is down and in big trouble.

Crowd on their feet.  But Banks can’t make the pinfall on GreenPete.  Both men crawl to their corners – hot tags to Brock Cole Lee and Walstreit!  Lee and Walstreit exchange right hands.  Lee decks Walstreit with a right hand.

Outside the ring, Jill Berg strolls over and… *SMACK* unleashes a vicious spinning heel kick to an unsuspecting GreenPete and knocks him out cold.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT?  WHAT IS SHE DOING?

PeaceNick looks on in horror and starts to protest.  Berg calmly walks over to him and *SMACK* …you guessed it.

Johnny Suave: Getting in some martial arts training during the match?

We hear Crowder’s overly audible ‘huff’ following Suave’s remark.

Now Bryan back in and he’s looking for anyone in a green shirt.  He ducks a Lee clothesline and runs the ropes.  Bryan ducks a second clothesline – stops, spins around – SLEEPER!  Lee spins around and tries to get Bryan off his back.  Lee slams Bryan into the corner turnbuckle.  And again.  A third time – Bryan is scraped off.  Banks give him a stomp and then clocks Lee.  GreenPete in the ring and runs and SPLASHES Banks in the corner.  Banks down.  Cover by Bryan.  One – two – WALSTREIT MAKES THE SAVE!   Bryan goes after Banks.  Lee scoop slams Bryan.  Cover.  One – two – BRYAN GETS THE SHOULDER UP!

Bryan slips through Lee’s legs and tags McAvay back in.  Both Deplorables hook up Banks, then hit a double suplex.  McAvay’s cover.  One – two – NO!  Banks kicks out.  Lee shoves McAvay out of the way and hits a spinning neckbreaker on Banks.  Cover.  One – two – Banks again kicks out.  Banks reverses a hip toss – steps back – SUPERKICK TO BROCK COLE LEE!  Lee down.  Banks rolls over.  One – two – Lee kicks out.  Banks tags Kirk Walstreit back in.  Flying elbow off the top rope by Walstreit takes Lee down again.  He covers.  One – two – 2.999!

Johnny Suave: “RAY McAVAY MAKES THE LAST SECOND SAVE!”

McAvay goes for the cover.  But two masked men hit the ring and tackle him.

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  IT’S LOAF!”

League of Anti-Fascists aka…LOAF Ted HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 180 / HOME: Portland, OR FIN: The Riot Act Chaz HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 205 / HOME: Seattle, WA FIN: The Riot Act

McAvay tries to fight LOAF off – but Ted throws McAvay over the top rope to the floor.  Then LOAF hop over the top rope and splashes McAvay and Bryan on the floor.

Colleen Crowder: “This is payback Johnny.  Payback for what McAvay and Bryan did four years ago to help Donald Trump become the CEO of PCW and it’s ABOUT TIME!”

The Deplorables come to McAvay and Bryan’s aid and LOAF has to bail out.

Johnny Suave: “But the damage is done.  Both McAvay and Bryan are down.”

Not for long though, McAvay drags himself up.

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  JILL BERG JUST TOOK OUT RAY McAVAY WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK!”

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “AND WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN, TOO!”

This makes Crowder happy.

Colleen Crowder: “Again, it couldn’t have happened to better people.”

Walstreit again goes top rope – flying ax-handle drives Lee back down.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  Lee ejects Walstreit to the middle of the ring.  Walstreit with a waistlock – Lee reverses – backdrop to Walstreit.  Cover.  One – two – Walstreit slips out.  P.M.C. Banks runs in.  He slams Lee down.  Walstreit comes over.  Set.  DOUBLE SUPERKICKS!!  Lee is out of his feet.  Walstreit in – STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! COVER!  ONE – TWO- THREE!  NEW CHAMPIONS!

WINNER AND **NEW** PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jill Berg Enterprises @ 14:05

Johnny Suave: “Jill Berg Enterprises win!”

Colleen Crowder: “Again, they have not.  We have not called the-“

The referee hands Walstreit and Banks the PCW Tag Team title match.

Johnny Suave: “Walstreit and Banks hold up their new title belts!”

Colleen Crowder: “They can’t do that!  This match hasn’t been called yet!”

Johnny Suave: “Breaking news!  The new PCW Tag Team champions put on their new title belts signifying that they are, in fact, the NEW PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you dare mansplain to me!”

Johnny Suave: “Okay.  We are going to go right to our next match.  A special bonus match for the Alabama Senate Medallion between the Progressive Alliance’s Doug Jones and former Auburn Head Football Coach Tommy Tuberville of the American Patriots.”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s another win for the Progressive Alliance.”

Suave rolls his eyes and waves her off.

Cut to a quick video of the match:

VIDEO-Alabama Medallion Match: Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) vs. Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) -Tuberville is having little trouble with Jones.

Voice Offscreen: “Hold on Johnny.  Stop the video.”

SHOWSTOPPERS Arriving at the broadcast table: Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams- all from the Progressive Alliance.

The group inform Suave that the show is going to be stopped for the moment.

Johnny Suave: “Stopped?  But why?”

Josh Shapiro: “Look.  This is the first show back.  The production crew is tired.  They’re getting back into the flow of things.  So we will pick up the show on Sunday evening with the conclusion.”

Colleen Crowder: “When Joe Biden will become the new PCW CEO!”

Shapiro nods to Crowder.

Josh Shapiro: “When Joe Biden will become the next CEO of PCW.”

Johnny Suave: “I guess we will be back with Part Two of PCW Extreme Election Night 2020 on Sunday night!  For Colleen Crowder-“

Colleen Crowder: I am more than capable of saying goodbye.  I don’t need a man to-

Johnny Suave: Good night everyone!

Cut to:

EPILOGUE Darkened room.  Dim light.

Shadows move around.

George Moros- billionaire financier of the Progressive Alliance.

The Coke Brothers- billionaire financiers of the American Patriots.

A door opens.  Then closes.

Charles Coke: Sarah.

The woman is Sarah Lenti, executive director of the Alan Lincolns Project- a group of American Patriots and former American Patriots dedicated to preventing Donald Trump from winning a second term as PCW CEO.

Sarah Lenti: What the hell is going on!  I thought you had things under control.

David Coke: Sarah, I know things haven’t exactly gone to plan-

Sarah Lenti: Not gone to plan?  Dawn McGill is still in control of PCW with all her ‘PCW is for the people’ bull-*BLEEP*.

George Moros tries to reassure her.

George Moros: Look.  We stopped the show for the evening.  That gives us time to figure this out.

Sarah Lenti: Dawn McGill is going to hand the reins of PCW to Donald Trump for another four years!

George Moros: No she won’t.  Clearly, it’s time to take this to the next level.

Moros pulls out a cell phone and hits a button.

George Moros: It’s time.  Operation Dominion is in effect.

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]

[assortedseaglass]

Come Back To Me - Chapter Five

Billy Washington x OFC

[Masterlist]

Warnings: Language, Trigger Point (TV) Spoilers.

Author’s Note: We’re mostly with Ida for this chapter. A Washington (or three) may appear...

Word Count: 2.6K

Billy and Ida hadn’t spoken since their argument. She ran down the stairs from his flat, hunched over the steering of her car and let her hot tears spill over. Violent, full-body sobs ripped through her body. He’d said she looked nice. That she was perfect. That he didn’t want her anymore. Bitter anger mixed with her heartbreak and she looked up to his flat. There he was, silhouetted against the window, looking down at her. She jerked back and started the engine. Fine. If he wanted to shut her out, she’d make it easier for him. The streets were quiet. Ida pulled away from the curb and sped away.

A little over a week later, she was staring at her desk. Her grandad’s guitar, perfectly wrapped in dark blue paper, leant against the chair. While looking through old photos, months ago in her grandma’s loft one afternoon, she had come across the guitar in a tattered leather case. A few coats of varnish and a set of new strings later, it was as good as new. Better than that battered charity shop one of Billy’s anyway…

“I hope he gets as much enjoyment out of it as my George did,” Gwen had said. “And I hope you enjoy listening to it as much.”

It had been wrapped and ready for weeks. With ten minutes left until she had to leave, Ida was still undecided as to whether she should go. Whether he would want to see her.

“Come on, honey,” It was Sofia, who had offered to drive Ida to Billy’s. “Just pop in and say happy birthday. If he’s still being foul, I’ll be outside waiting to whisk you away! And if he’s realised what a knob he was, even better!”

“And if he needs is head knocking against something, let me know.” Faisal called from the lounge.

Ida looked at Sofia, all bright and sunny in her favourite summer dress. She stood up and put her arm around the taller woman’s shoulders, placing a gentlest kiss to her temple. “Thank you,” she whispered.  

“Come on,” Sofia replied, nodding to the guitar. “Let’s get this over with.”

The late morning sun was heavy and oppressive and, after a week of feeling little other than despair, Ida welcomed it. The girls drove around the outskirts of London with the windows down and their hair flowing. Sofia blasted classics through the radio; Britney, Shania, Aretha, Destiny’s Child. For a brief moment, Ida wondered if Billy had been listening to Oasis, Nirvana or Radiohead. Then she thought, fuck him, and carried on singing at the top of her lungs.

By the time they pulled up outside Billy’s flat, Ida’s hair was wilder than usual, her heart was hammering and she felt like she could conquer the world. Val and Jeff Washington were sat in the car opposite, and Val gave Ida a little wave. Lana pulled in, her black brick of a car blocking the sun from Sofia’s. Sofia patted Ida’s leg. “You’ve got this! I’ll be right here if you need me.”

Ida greeted the Washingtons; Lana with a hug and Val a kiss on the cheek. Jeff pointed to the guitar and said, “Let me guess, bottle of wine?” He chortled to himself and moved to unlock the door. Ida followed them up the carpeted stairs into Billy’s flat, careful to avoid hitting the guitar on the walls of the narrow stairway. She took a shaky breath and stood a little taller. Here goes…

“Billy? Wake up.” Lana shouted into the flat, already assuming he was still be in bed. “What a shit tip,” she added, glancing at the kitchen.

Val, carrying the cake into the lounge, said in a sing-song voice, “Where’s the birthday boy?” Ida followed and set the guitar by the sofa.

“I’ll wake the lazy sod up,” said Lana before calling his name.

“If you can’t lie in on your birthday, when can you?” Ida said, and Val nudged her shoulder with a smile.

“Oh look, he started the party without us,” Jeff kicked a beer bottle with his foot, his voice somewhere between pride and disgust. Ida imagined Jeff at Billy’s age; a boring young man with an old head on his shoulders, trying to woo sweet Val with cheap aftershave and flowers from the garage forecourt.

“Well, that’s typical,” Lana entered the lounge. “He’s not here.”

“I told you we should have called first,” Jeff said to Val, who in turn held out a placating arm to him.

“He’s obviously had people round,”

“Maybe him and Becky have gone out for a birthday surprise!” Val said cheerily.

Ida and Lana’s eyes snapped to each other. As if reading the hatred Ida held for Becky in her eyes, Lana spoke quickly. “I doubt it mum. Think them two have split up for good now,”

“What?” Val seemed genuinely upset; she always saw the best in other people, which Ida admired. “He never said,”

“Well he wouldn’t, would he?” replied Lana. Ida sighed.

“His car’s gone and all-“

“Oh, that’s a shame about Becky.” Val said as Ida bristled. Not noticing, Val continued to Lana. “How did he seem when you last saw him?”

“Er, mardy? Confused?” Lana scoffed. Ida glared at her.

“No change there, then.” Jeff added. Ida caught him under her eyes too, and he turned back to the window. Each of them was silent for a few moments, unsure of what to do. Ida didn’t want to speak. Never before had she felt so uncomfortable in Billy’s flat. Without Billy here, and without the warmth she usually felt at coming to see him, Ida felt she was intruding in someone else’s life. The only thing anchoring her to reality was the other Washingtons and their whinging. She took a deep breath.

“Bloody hell, what’s that!?” Val pointed to the floor. The bandage that Ida had replaced around Billy’s knuckles lay amongst a pile of dirty clothes.

“It’s a bandage,” Lana grabbed it before her mother could reach it. “He cut his hand a couple of days ago.”

“When?”

“A couple of days ago.”

Christ. The only thing worse than listening to your family argue, is listening to other people’s families argue. Ida fiddled with the hem of her skirt, thinking of excuses to leave and get back to Sofia.

“It was after Nut’s funeral,” Lana said, defeated. “He got absolutely battered. He’d had too much to drink, and he ended up smashing a window and he got arrested-”

“Arrested!?” Ida shut her eyes. Imaginary images flashed through her mind. Billy, drunk and angry, slamming his fist through the glass of the butchers’. Slamming his fist into the wall by her head. Leaning his body against hers…

“Yes dad,” said Lana. “But he didn’t want you to worry, so I promised I wouldn’t say.” Ida smiled.

“You promised you wouldn’t say.” Val said. It wasn’t a question.

“Come on, mum,” Ida’s eyes were dashing between the three Washingtons.

“What’s going on?” Val straightened and narrowed her eyes at her daughter.

“Nothing, mum. Please, stop worrying. Billy’s not turned up to his own party, what’s new?” Jeff laughed in response and a pulse of electricity jolted Ida.

“Shut up.”

All three Washingtons stared at her, stunned into silence.

“Ida?” Whichever one of them said it, Ida didn’t know.

“Just shut up!” she hissed from her seat on the sofa.

“Now just a minute, Ida. What’s brought this on?” Jeff took a step forward.

“It’s no wonder Billy’s not here,” she gestured around the flat. “I’d have run a mile too if I knew you lot were coming over. Some fucking birthday party you make.”

“Ida!” That was Lana.

“Lana.” Ida replied sarcastically, standing up to face her. Val laughed in uncomfortable disbelief and looked at her husband. Jeff took an awkward step forwards, hands out, seemingly scared of making any sudden movement in case Ida attacked him.

“It’s not the first time he’s not told us what he’s up t-” Jeff tried, but Ida cut him off.

“Can you blame him?” Ida whirled round. Billy was the tallest of the Washingtons by a long way. Her face was level with Jeff’s as she stared him down. “When was the last time you took the remotest interest in him? And not about whether he has a job or not!” Ida added as Jeff opened his mouth and shut it again like a goldfish. Not one of them answered. “WELL?”

Silence.

“Shall I tell you how he is, seeing as you asked earlier, Val? He’s not feeling ‘mardy’ or ‘confused’, for a start. He’s scared and hurt and angry. If you paid any attention to him, you’d know that bitch and him haven’t been good for a while.” Val gasped at Ida’s language but she carried on. “He’s applied for job after job. No one wants him apparently. Not work, not Becky, not you lot. All he’s ever wanted to do is make you proud! He never wanted to join the army, you know? He only tried because he saw how happy it made you when Lana did!”

“He could have gone his own way,” said Jeff.

“Yeah, he didn’t have to do exactly what I did-” added Lana, but Ida bent double and roared into her fists. They didn’t get it.

“Do you know who could tell you about Billy, Jeff?” Ida was shouting now. “Hm? My grandma could. Do you know how many times he came over after you’d given him a bollocking? Billy knows that Lana is your favourite. We all do. He’s not stupid, and you’re fucking SHIT at hiding it.” She jabbed a finger at him, her hair whipping around her red face. Jeff was too stunned to speak. Clever, quiet little Ida had never risen her voice to anyone. Well, what the fuck did he know?

“Don’t you shout at them,” Lana bellowed. Ida turned on her the second she spoke.

“I know you’re used to bossing people around and getting your voice heard, Lana, but you can’t do that with me.” Lana looked like she’d been slapped. “He idolised you! He thought you’d always have his back, but you’ve been a fucking shit sister these last few years.” Tears were beginning to prick at her eyes. Ida knew she must look mad but my God this family brought it out of her. When she continued, her voice wobbled with years’ worth of hurt and anger.

“Do you know what I’d give to have a family? For gran to have her kids back? To have my parents back, and maybe some siblings too? Some fucking family you lot are. When was the last time you took an interest in him, Lana, and stopped treating him like a child?”

“Well, maybe if he didn’t act like one-” Ida laughed madly at Lana’s reply. “He’s been charged with racially aggravated assault, Ida.”

“I’m not excusing him, Lana!” she shouted over Val’s gasp. “But I’m the only one that’s tried to help him, rather than cast him out further.” Val was crying now and Ida could not bring herself to feel any pity. “CHRIST! THIS FUCKING FAMILY!” She screamed, grabbing her bag and heading to the door. “In the unlikely event that you see Billy before I do, tell him I’m gonna kill him, yeah?”

SLAM

The sound of the door slamming behind her rang around the building as she tore down the stairs and out the front door. Sofia, the legend that she was, already had the engine running.

“Thought I was gonna have to come up,” she said as Ida sat in the passenger seat. “Billy not a fan of the guitar then?” She added as a joke.

“He’s not in,” Ida rubbed her face. “Is it twelve yet?”

“Pub it is.”

*

After a pint or three with Sofia in the pub garden, Ida made her way to the nearest tube station and caught the train to her grandma’s. She let herself in and, a little drowsy from the heat and alcohol, poured herself a glass of water. It was then that Gwen entered the kitchen.

“Hiya, love! This is a nice surprise.” She kissed her granddaughter’s cheek and set about making sandwiches, as though she knew Ida hadn’t eaten yet. Ida watched her move about the kitchen, apron tied around her waist, gardening gloves left on the table.

“Cuppa?”

“I’ll do it, Gran.”

In silence, the two went about their tasks. That was until Gwen spoke again. “Something on your mind, Ida?”

“It’s just the heat,”

Gwen hummed. “Billy popped over this morning.”

Ida placed the mugs on the kitchen table as her grandma did so with the sandwiches and looked at her. How did she know? Ida didn’t speak, only waited for her grandma to continue. The older woman removed her apron and sat down. “I wasn’t expecting to see him on his birthday,” Gwen said.

“We went over this morning but he wasn’t there. Didn’t realise you’d stolen him from us.”

Gwen laughed a little and said, “Well, not to worry, I didn’t tell him about the guitar.”

They cheersed their mugs, and Ida took a bite of her sandwich. “Did he say what he was up to today?” she asked, trying to sound casual though her heart burned to know.

“Don’t talk with your mouthful. Said he’s off to see some mates, maybe catch the footie?” Gwen watched her granddaughter, and when she didn’t say anything, added. “What’s happened with you two, hey?”

Ida coughed and set her sandwich down. “Nothing,”

“Oh, don’t lie to me Ida. I know you better than you do.”

Ida looked at her grandma’s kind, concerned face, and her lips started to tremble. God, she was sick of crying. “He doesn’t want me anymore, Gran.” The heartbreak she had been carrying over the last week burst out of her and she lay her head on the table.

“Oh my darling,” Gwen cooed, standing to rub Ida’s hair. “Come on, come on.” She pulled her hand and led her into the sun of the garden. Change of scenery, change of mood, Gwen told Ida as a child. She dusted off the worn, wooden bench and patted the space next to her for Ida. Not long after they sat down Tiggy, Gwen’s decrepit tabby cat, came to sit on their laps and soak up the July sun. With each stroke of Tiggy’s mottled fur, and her grandma’s through her hair, Ida’s breathing returned to normal.

“I don’t think you’re right about Billy,” Gwen said gently.

“He told me!”

“Don’t interrupt. Shall I tell you why I think he came to have a cup of tea with the old biddy next door for his birthday?” Ida laughed lightly and nodded for her to continue. “I think it reminded him of when you were children. The amount of times you two were sat at that table, covered in mud from running around Cranstead, stuffing sandwiches in your mouth so you could get back to playing. I don’t think he wants rid of you, Ida. I think he needs you more than ever. He needs his best friend.”

Notes: Sofia, Faisal and Gwen are the miracles everyone needs in their life. Really enjoyed writing Ida going off at the Washingtons. That’s where the idea for this whole story started; a little scene of someone bashing their heads together.

Next chapter we’re back with Billy. Strap in because we’re getting to That. Point. very soon. I'm getting to writing it straight away because it's the only thing getting me through this sickness bug.

Tags: @jessssica1234 @anditsmywholeheart @bookwyrmsblog @phantomontheinternet @aemonds-wifey @slytherincursebreaker @valerie977 @i-killed-ramsey

[hannahhook7744]

'The Marvelous Misadventures of Hannah Hook' Moodboards (Revamped)(Part 4);

Liberty Edith Titan.

Age 14 years old.

Daughter of Arges the Cyclops and .

Cyclops and Back Up Carpenter of The Storm Bringer.

Family: Arges the Cyclops (Father),

(Mother).

Pet(s): None.

Hobbies: Wood carving, bug/insect collecting, painting, embroidery art, metal working, arson, playing games, playing ball, taking care of animals, weapon making, listening to music, fruit picking, dumpster diving, treasure hunting, carpentry, hunting, running, hiking, climbing, etc.

Weapon of Choice: Wooden Club.

She doesn't have magic but she does have inhumane strength and she's strangely good at mimicking people's voices.

Theme Song: "Roar."

Michelle 'Misty' Del Rey-Silver.

Age 16 years old.

Daughter of John Silver and Marina Del Rey.

Mermaid and Diver of the Storm Bringer.

Family: John Silver (Father),

Marina Del Rey (Mother),

Shania Silver (Sister).

Pet(s): None.

Hobbies: Dumpster diving, treasure hunting, diving, swimming, playing the bongos, swimming with the sharks, smoothie making, jellyfish catching, fishing, water fights, sea shell collecting, sand sculpture building, listening to music, dancing, exploring, playing games, Whale baiting, Jewelry making, sculpting/carving, tattooing, scavenging, racing, knitting, and story telling.

Weapon of Choice: Harpoon.

She has mermaid powers but not magic.

Theme Song: "Just the Way I Am."

D.E Anonymous.

Age 12-15 years old.

Daughter of Unknown.

Anonymous Helper of the Storm Bringer.

Family: Unknown.

Pet(s): None.

Hobbies: Singing sea shanties, dancing, parkour, hide n' seek, reading, playing cards, embroidery, sewing, writing, art, self designing, spying, babysitting, climbing, swimming, pickpocketing, and crocodile wrestling.

Weapon of Choice: Slingshot, Catapult, Canon, and Rocks.

It is unknown whether they have any magical abilities or powers. Oc is based on @dragoneyes618 .

Theme Song: "Secret."

Shan Bri.

Age 13 years old.

Daughter of Shan Yu and Xianniang.

Back Up Kid Wrangler of the Stormbinger Crew.

Family: Shan Yu (Father),

Xianniang (Mother),

Shan Desiree and Shan Deja (Sisters),

Shan Simon, Shan Shing, and Shan Shiro (Brothers).

Pet(s): Fernando (Succulent).

Hobbies: Archery, gardening, cooking, baking, various forms of art, sparring, playing games, wrestling, swimming, playing with fire, sword fighting, learning languages, surfing the web, horseback riding, rat trapping, hunting, etc.

Weapon of Choice: Bow and Arrow & Butterfly Knife.

It is unknown whether they have any magical abilities or powers. Oc is based on @mysticfables .

Theme song: "Warriors."

Tiger Khan.

Age 14 years old.

She was found and adopted by Shere Khan for unknown reasons, learned to talk from other isle kids, and was simply known by Tiger.

Translator of the Stormbringer Crew. 

Family: Shere Khan (Father).

Pet(s): None.

Hobbies: Drawing, Embroidery, Hunting, fishing, writing, reading, watching tv, vandalism, graffiti, dancing, swimming, parkour, climbing, cooking, sailing, photography, etc.

Weapon of Choice: Bone Knife and Knife Gloves.

They have no magic. Oc is based on @panthera-tigris-venenata .

Theme Song: "Welcome to the Jungle."

Fiona Freelend Foundling.

Age 8 years old. Abandoned/orphaned fairy child with dark wings that just popped up on the isle out of nowhere. No one knows who she really is.

She is the look out of the Stormbringer Crew.

Family: None/Unknown.

Pet(s): Bagul (Skunk).

Hobbies: Dancing, drawing, collecting stuffed animals/creepy things/bugs/silly bands/slap bands, acting , sewing, coloring, having tea parties, listening to music, trick or treating, playing dress up, knitting, meteorology, creative writing/poetry, arts and crafts, catching fire flies, acting, learning, and gardening.

Weapon of Choice: Bat Handled Sword.

They have fairy powers.

Theme song: "Hide and Seek."

Noah Sage Napoleon Bradford Aoratos.

Age 8 years old.

Son of Persephone and Hades.

Prince of the underworld and cabin boy of the Storm Bringer.

Family: Hades Aoratos (Father),

Persephone Athanasiou (Mother),

Melinoë and Makaria Athanasiou and Skia Aoratos (Full Blooded Sisters), 

Zagreus Athanasiou (Full Blooded [allegedly] Brother),

Hadie Aoratos (Twin Brother),

Treycor Fae-Aoratos, Alex Aoratos-Sinclair (Half Brothers),

Darcy Aoratos (Half Sister).

Pet(s): Cerberus the dog.

Hobbies: Playing in Haul's band, hide and seek, dress up, tye dying things, making flower crowns, playing house, running errands, braiding hair, making plants grow, watching cartoons, coloring, gardening, listening to music, singing, dancing, treasure hunting, dressing up his stuffed koala, tea parties, building minatures, collecting stuffed animals/bugs/silly bands/slap bands, acting, etc.

Weapon of Choice: Stygian Iron Sword.

He has demigod powers, can see ghosts/the dead, and has Persephone's abilities.

Theme Song: "I'm Just A Believer."

[justinsentertainmentcorner]

Miles Klee at Rolling Stone:

YOU CAN’T PLEASE all the people all of the time — even if you’re as popular as Taylor Swift. Having attained a somehow higher level of mega-celebrity with her record-breaking Eras Tour and a closely followed romance with Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs (who are headed back to the Super Bowl as the defending NFL champs), the singer now faces the perplexing wrath of MAGA conspiracy theorists who have decided the league and the relationship are rigged to help Joe Biden’s chances in the 2024 presidential election. The premise is as disconnected from reality as it sounds, but it’s all the stranger given that this courtship between a pop icon and football star — both white, Christian, good-looking, wholesome public figures — should fit the all-American conservative ideal. And Swift herself long retained her mass appeal with a mostly apolitical presence on the world stage, only voicing liberal positions and endorsing a select few Democrats from 2018 onward. But it was, in part, this late entry into civic discourse that allowed right-wingers to sell themselves a narrative of Swift as a propaganda puppet, after years in which some ardently worshiped her as a blonde, blue-eyed avatar for white supremacy. Here’s the complete timeline of how the far right fell in, and out of, love with Taylor Swift.    

Pre-2016: Country Roots

Swift came up in the Nashville scene, from the age of 14, as a country singer-songwriter inspired by the likes of Dolly Parton and Shania Twain. Her debut single, “Tim McGraw,” alluded to her love of another country legend — and her early hits climbed the genre’s charts along with heartland tunes full of cowboy twang and pickup trucks. Whatever the identities of individual performers, this music has always been conservative-coded, and its biggest names have rarely shied away from an aggressive style of red-meat patriotism. Swift, of course, was a teenager singing about innocent young love: She only happened to suit the fantasy of a small-town girl next door that informs so much Americana. (And she certainly didn’t have Parental Advisory stickers on her CDs.) It was when she started to drift from these roots on Red (2012), and fully embraced electronic pop with 1989 (2014), that fans could begin to think of her as totally distinct from the traditionalist milieu of her early career. The latter’s “Welcome to New York” signaled a new, cosmopolitan life far from the backroads of country radio. In fact, a civilian Donald Trump was blasting the album’s second single, “Blank Space,” while driving around with wife Melania and son Barron, as seen in a 2014 video Melania shared on her Facebook page [...]

The ascendant alt-right, shitposters by nature, saw a chance to disingenuously claim Swift for their own, as both a secret Trump supporter and neo-Nazi. (It didn’t seem to matter that she had previously expressed her happiness at Barack Obama taking the White House in 2008, her first election.) The attempt to rebrand her had older, murky origins, including 4chan in-jokes and a Pinterest user who in 2013 went viral for images falsely attributing Hitler quotes to Swift, but picked up steam as Trump did. Andrew Anglin, founder of the white supremacist website the Daily Stormer, declared her an “aryan goddess,” while Milo Yiannopoulos, in a column for Breitbart, explained why she was an “alt-right pop icon,” noting her whiteness, blondeness, unrevealing clothes, lack of piercings, and occasional mini-scandals over music videos accused of racist undertones. It probably didn’t help that Swift endorsed neither Hillary Clinton nor Trump, leaving room for misinformation about how she secretly voted for the GOP candidate. Following Trump’s victory, some Democrats vented their frustration at Swift’s silence during the campaign, believing she could have moved the needle for Clinton. [...]

In the following months, the #MeToo movement shed light on how often sexual misconduct is dismissed or covered up to the perpetrator’s benefit, and Swift became one of the founding signatories of Time’s Up, an advocacy group for survivors, and donated to its legal defense fund.  None of this was likely to endear Swift to conservatives who had already begun to argue that #MeToo had “gone too far,” yet she continued to press the issue, gracing the cover of Time’s Person of the Year issue along with fellow “silence breakers.” And the next year, she finally waded into electoral politics, sharing on Instagram that she would be backing Democratic congressional candidates in Tennessee for the 2018 midterms. [...]

2019-2020: The Activist

By 2019, Swift’s politics were no mystery. She was openly in favor of gun-control reform, took a pro-choice stance against government attempts to crack down on abortion, gave a surprise performance at New York’s Stonewall Inn for that year’s Pride celebration, and urged the senate to pass anti-discrimination laws. Any far-right fan clinging to the notion that she harbored extremist views would’ve been in clinical denial. For the most part, conservative commentators got in the habit of attacking her as they would any other liberal entertainer with a massive platform. Ben Shapiro, for one, complained of her “abrupt and obviously pandering shift into a political wokescold.”    At last, Swift also formally denounced any admiration from the racist far right in a cover story interview with Rolling Stone. “There’s literally nothing worse than white supremacy,” she said. “It’s repulsive. There should be no place for it.” She explained that she feared a 2016 endorsement of Hillary Clinton could have backfired, since Clinton’s celebrity support was “used against her in a lot of ways.” As for conservatives who had once assumed she was on their side, she quipped, “I don’t think they do anymore.” [...]

2021-2024: Taylor Derangement Syndrome

The “aryan goddess” interpretation of Swift had been more or less put to bed by the time Biden assumed office. But the reorganizing MAGA right had little reason to single her out among the legions of professional entertainers who express their distaste for Trump here and there. She didn’t endorse candidates in the 2022 midterms, either, though she did communicate her dismay at the overturning of Roe v. Wade. Conservatives who bothered to take a swipe at her tended toward lazy outrage bait: calling her boring, overrated, or a lonely cat lady (mind you, she was in a long-term relationship with actor Joe Alwyn that was heavily covered by the tabloids). In 2021, Swift embarked on the formidable project of rerecording her first six studio albums after the rights to that catalog were sold to a company run by controversial music mogul Scooter Braun, and released the hit record Midnights in 2022.

It was in 2023 that American conservatism launched into an enduring freakout about Swift, her cultural dominance, and her potential influence on voters. Anyone dimly aware of the Eras Tour — an unprecedented run of sold-out stadium shows — could see she had reached another pinnacle of success, and amassed a near-cultish audience of millions who hung on her every utterance. We got plenty of think pieces on whether this was a good or bad phenomenon, with varied musings on how Swift had created her own monoculture. The sheer saturation of Taylor content was enough to irk those less disposed to her vibe — and there were gripes about that, too.

[...] The release of The Tortured Poets Departmentlast Friday, April 19, inevitably (and unfortunately) brought a new round of grousing. Sean Feucht,  the far-right “MAGA Pastor,” raised the alarm on social media, saying “half the songs” on the album “contain explicit lyrics (E), make fun of Christians, and straight up blaspheme God.” And lest you think he’s “just being religious & overreacting,” Feucht shared several apparently offending lyrics that certainly dabble in classic religious imagery, but in the most basic, writerly way imaginable. Among the most harrowing lines, to Feucht: “I would’ve died for your sins, instead I just died inside” (from “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived”); “What If I roll the stone away / They’re gonna crucify me anyway” (“Guilty as Sin”); and “God save the most judgmental creeps / Who say they want what’s best for me / Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I’ll never see,” from “But Daddy I Love Him,” which definitely seems more critical of Swift’s own fans than an entire religion.  And, of course, Shapiro got back in on the action as well with a YouTube video dubbed, “Taylor Swift’s New Album Is GARBAGE” and nuanced opinions like, “Can we stop pretending she’s high art?” and, “She’s so tortured that she’s worth billions of dollars for singing songs that are most appropriately sung by 16 and 17 year old girls.” 

Rolling Stone has an in-depth report on the timeline of Taylor Swift's career that led to the eventual right-wing sour grapes-fueled culture war against her, especially in the last few years or so.

[lasshoe]

15 questions + 15 mutuals

tagged by @waywardted 💛💛💛

Were you named after anyone?

my middle name (blair) is after blair from the facts of life and my first name i think my parents were at my cousin's graduation and a girl had it and they liked it and they were right 😌

When was the last time you cried?

lmao embarrassing and i wish i were joking but like 30 minutes ago watching a video on twitter of beyonce saying “welcome to the renaissance” brnrjdkdnfnekapk

Do you have kids?

no but i want them one day! my own and/or as has been previously well documented that i aspire to be a stepmom so dilfs hmu

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i don’t particularly think i do

What's the first thing you notice about people?

their clothing and not in a judgy way it's just an occupational hazard i guess?

What's your eye color?

hazel

Scary movies or happy endings?

are u kidding me happy endings every time

Any special talents?

idk if it's a talent but i have like....... insane reflexes so if i fumble or knock something over or if anyone else does close enough to me 99.9% of the time i catch it? it's very weird. i can also do at least a back handspring which i haven’t attempted in years but i genuinely believe i still could if the opportunity presented itself and i tried

Where were you born?

virginia, usa

What are your hobbies?

me 🤝 ayo edibiri…. watching tv and watching movies. but also taking walks around the city, going to museums, thrifting, swimming in the ocean, traveling, trying new restaurants if that counts? i do genuinely need more hobbies

Have any pets?

not personally

What sports do you play/have you played?

most of my childhood i spent in competitive cheerleading but also dabbled in dance and softball and basketball

How tall are you?

5’3

Favorite subject in school?

english and art

Dream job?

my job rn (creative trend director) is actually my dream job in basically every way except financially

Tagging:

idk who or who hasn’t been tagged but here goes: @ohtendril @topsee-turvee @thesumdancekid @endlessblasphemy @factoseintolerant @talldecafcappuccino @jcusack @romansroys @coachlasso @villainesses @iloveyouandilikeyou @mrgaretcarter2 @shania-twain @dollsome-does-tumblr @cowherderess 😮‍💨

[justwannaflex]

(—) ★ spotted!! NOUR WILSON on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 53 year old looks like SALMA HAYEK, but i don’t really see it. while the CASTMEMBER OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS is known for being CAPTIVATING my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be TEMPERAMENTAL i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song KA-CHING! BY SHANIA TWAIN {she+her / cisfemale}

Headline

Can you hear it ring. It makes you want to sing. It's such a beautiful thing, ka-ching. Lots of diamond rings. The happiness it brings. You'll live like a king. With lots of money and things.

Stats

name: nour wilson née mouawad

age: 53

nicknames: tba

date of birth: 1970

place of birth: Beirut (Lebanon)

nationality : lebanese, mexican & american

gender identity: cis woman (she/her)

sexuality: moneysexual

family : Henry Wilson (husband), several children tba (1st born in 1990)

occupation: cast member of the real housewives of beverly hills

career claim: jennifer grey (sort of)

net worth : 3,1 Md $

spoken languages : english, arabic and spanish

positive traits: resourceful, cunning, captivating, perfectionist, confident

negative traits: materialistic, self-centred, temperamental, opportunistic, deceitful

characters/celebrities inspo: tba

zodiac sign : tba

Bio

tw : civil war and death mention

Nour was born in Beirut to a telecom mania father and a telenovella actress mother. She spent the first five years of her life in a Lebanon which was becoming more and more unstable and dangerous. At the beginning of the Lebanese civil war, her family fled the country, relocating to the United States. They still had money but most of it was stuck in Lebanon. She lived a relatively luxurious life in Los Angeles until she was twelve years old. Her father who still went back to Lebanon from time, did not return from one of his trips. He had been caught in the war.

With her father gone, her family began to lose money and status. Eventually, they had to sell their luxurious L.A. mansion and move to Mexico with their remaining fortune but Nour did not accompany them. She plead to stay in the States and her mother agreed to leave her in the care of a distant cousin. Inspired by her mother's past as a telenovella actress, Nour started to go to auditions. She hoped to become famous and gain back the life that had been stolen from her.

When she was seventeen, she quit school to star in her first movie. Dirty Dancing became a hit and she was suddenly under the spotlight she had sought. Nour was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Actress. She was invited everywhere and tasted a life better than the one she had lost. She quickly burned her 50 000 dollar fee but no new movie was coming along.

Not wanting to go back to sharing a bedroom, she had to act fast. With her fame and pretty face, she was a catch and it was not hard to secure a rich suitor. At only 19 years old, she married Henry Wilson, heir to a real estate empire. She quickly became pregnant and gave birth to her first child at the age of 20 years old. That way, even if Henry divorced her, she would still get alimony and child support. She would be set for life if she played her cards right. The couple later welcomed other children.

Nour tried staring in movies or tv shows from time to time but none became very successful. Offended by those failures and not needing the money, she stopped acting. She simply led a socialite life, spending her husband's money.

In 2009, she was approached to appear in dancing with the stars. She won the season and rediscovered media's attention. It felt so good to be back on talk shows and red carpets. Not wanting to go back to relative anonymity, she joined the real housewives of beverly hills to stay relevant. She had missed the spotlight too much.

Career

At seventeen Nour starred in a movie called dirty dancing. It would become a classic. She still appeared in movies and tv shows from time to time but never knew real success again.

She won the 2009 dancing with the star season.

She is one of the original cast member of the real housewives of Beverly Hills.

[3rddimension]

Here we go again🤦‍♂️

https://reddit.com/r/smosh/s/F0erDP0iEu

This is starting to give off, where's Anthony vibes😩

How many times do we have to do this?

What even is a "sibling friendship"?

Don't even get me started on the Spencer/Courtney comment,"Spencer was present for the entire video", so? That is part of his job, he runs the games channel and always rides shotgun for Thursday streams, taking questions from chat.

Tbh, I get it. Oh, Courtney and Shayne are on camera together, Shartney fans are going to pee themselves🤣

People love beating a dead horse, I tell ya. But, in all seriousness can people just tone it down a little? I know that it'll never completely go away, nevertheless it has worn out its welcome.

Genuinely, I can say without question, people have run out of excuses for why these two couldn't possibly be together. We've gone from siblings to bffs, co-workers to weaponizing Courtney's sexuality against them, the list goes on and on.

Just let them be. As much slack as Shartney shippers get for making compilations or writing fan fic, those on the opposite side are doing pretty much the same thing, just the inverse. It must be tedious for them after a while, but I know they can handle it. They've been at this a long time, they've got tough skin.

Lastly, they probably looked at each other that way, because as previously mentioned, they've definitely heard this/something similar for years now. On top of the fact, what else are they supposed to do? Kiss each other on stream or call each other by some pet name? Court and Shania, obviously being excluded. That would surely do wonders for their private lifes🙄

In moments like this if I were them I'd just be like f*** it! Why not throw caution to the wind and subtly go public? Despite all this I understand why they remain resloute.

TLDR, Sorry if this came across as rambling at certain points, I just needed to vent. I didn't expect to see this on the Smosh Reddit, I thought I'd definitely see it here instead.

Regardless of everything mentioned, I did find it rather cute when the og poster called it a love stream by mistake.

🖖

Yeah. I saw that thread on Smosh Reddit back when it just created and muttered to myself "Here we go again..." but surprisingly the comment is not that intrusive except the one from your screencap. Also I think a lot of Smosh fan probably realized now that they're together and low key rooting for them too.

It's quite tame based on all the previous thread on that subreddit tho. There are even more blatantly ask if they're a couple or a someone just post that they're living together. But those are all gone now for quite awhile.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/09/2023 (Nines/Tom Odell/blink-182)

Content warning: References to sex, emotional abuse, cancer and outdated memes

It’s the fourth week for “Paint the Town Red” by Doja Cat at #1 on the UK Singles Chart - welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, like clockwork, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40, and we do have some pretty notable losses this week. We see the end of two awfully premature two-week runs for hits-that-could-have-been team-ups, those being “Bongos” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion and “My Love” by Leigh-Anne featuring Ayra Starr, and we also say farewell to “I’m Just Ken” by Ryan Gosling, “Seven” by Jung Kook featuring Latto, “Talibans” by Byron Messia, in no doubt assisted in its run by a sequel / remix with Burna Boy, “UNHEALTHY” by Anne-Marie featuring Shania Twain, and finally, “Dancing is Healing” by Rudimental, Vibe Chemistry and Charlotte Plank.

What’s also interesting are our notable gains and returns, and whilst we don’t get a third song from Kylie Minogue’s newest #1 album Tension - with a new single stalling outside of the top 75 - we do get the return of “Padam Padam” at #72 and a big gain for the title track “Tension” up to #47. As for the rest of our list, we see the return of RAYE’s “Escapism.” featuring 070 Shake for… some reason and a much clearer return to #49 for Bakar’s “Hell n Back”, thanks to his recent album release, though the album didn’t make the top 10 of the albums chart and only features the song in the form of a remix featuring Summer Walker so it’s honestly just as inexplicable a return. As for our gains, it’s a mixed bunch, as there are boosts for “Another Love” by Tom Odell at #61 thanks to residual streams from his new release which we’ll get to, “ecstacy” by SUICIDAL-IDOL of all songs at #52 probably thanks to an okay remix with syris and 6arelyhuman, because of course, those guys are certified hitmakers, then “Back on 74” by Jungle at #41 again probably in part thanks to a remix by Joy Anonymous but still awesome nonetheless, “PARK CHINOIS” by Headie One and K-Trap at #39 thanks to the album release which we’ll also get to later, “My Love Mine All Mine” by MItski at #34 (this four-way streak of gains is pretty great actually), “City Boys” by Burna Boy at #17 and “Water” by Tyla continuing to be a surprise hit at #16.

As for our top five, well, as I kind of expected, “greedy” by Tate McRae continues to do well as it scoots to #5 off of the debut, and then we see the usual: “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo at #4, “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #3, “Strangers” by Kenya Grace continuing up to #2, and finally, of course, “Paint the Town Red” at the top. Now to get to our business as usual.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 - “Would You (go to bed with me?)” - Campbell and Alcemist

Produced by Campbell, Alcemist and Franklin

For some context, Campbell and Alcemist are both drum and bass producers, and they released this song back in July. It’s not exactly inaccessible but definitely not the typical drum and bass hit, with a piercing horn line that just blares over all the production mist clouding around it, as well as a spoken word sample that’s purposefully awkward about finding someone attractive and wanting to sleep with them. These are all sampled elements from a song called “Would You…?” by the jazz group Touch & Go, and with the organic percussion, that insanely infectious jazz hook hits even harder - it hit #3 in 1998 and is in my opinion, a perfect song. By the way, “Believe” by Cher was #1 that week. Now how well does it translate to drum and bass? Pretty naturally, given the fast-paced jittery feel of the original and the memetic nature of the vocals. As someone who is into jazzstep, best genre name ever by the way, it’s pretty great to see drum and bass that uses horns directly influenced by jazz on the charts, and even if it’s in a harder, bass-heavy jump-up style rather than cribbing from atmospherics, the sample flip - though admittedly kind of a copy-paste job in some ways - sticks the landing incredibly well. Now why is this drum and bass remix of a forgotten jazz single from 1998 with no real chorus charting? I have no idea, but what may help it next week is the fact that the day I am writing this, they released a Caity Baser remix, and I have no idea why anyone told her she could rap. She is incredibly awkward, somehow deflated-sounding despite putting all of her energy in it, and ultimately cringeworthy, clashing against the intended subtle awkwardness of the original vocal so hard that it’s almost impressive how far they missed the point. Now speaking of obvious samples to rip from…

#56 - “Got Me Started” - Troye Sivan

Produced by Ian Kirkpatrick

Troye. Troye, Troye, Troye. One of the loveliest elements of “Rush” is the fact that there is no sample, seemingly, and that instead its filtered hook is completely original yet made to emulate the French house style through editing. It’s a brilliant work of songwriting, even if the song has slightly soured on me since release. So I know for a fact you and your co-writers didn’t need to do whatever the Hell this is. If you were on the Internet in 2017, you probably remember the weedy synth line from “Shooting Stars” by Bag Raiders, a song that was originally released in 2009 and became a very minor dance hit in Australia, the group’s native country, but never charted here. “Get Me Started” takes that Internet meme melody and essentially just drops it to the most “memorable” or “TikTok-worthy” parts of an otherwise completely average cloudy dance-pop jam about doing it. It’s in the intro to catch your attention, and the transition into the actual song is fine, but then it completely disappears, and the melodies they bring through the pads don’t really replicate the original lead or anything, so it seems like a troll… but then the pitch-shifted chorus ends and abruptly, almost as if it were a mistake, you get the “Shooting Stars” melody played completely straight over the song’s rhythm section. Then as if he’s hurrying to try and make sense of it, Troye delivers an awfully manipulated vocal take of incoherence in an attempt to harmonise with the synth lead. This is pathetic, desperate and just sad to hear in a year that has relied so much on these recognisable samples. There’s little to no attempt to effectively sequence this sample into the song. It’s just there, because you remember the song, right? Or you remember the meme from six years ago? Let’s just redo the meme, that was already taking a seven-year-old song’s chorus, and repackage it in marketable Troye Sivan form. The original song is so good because it is from 2009, and it goes for a purposeful clash between the despair present in much of the song, especially the lead vocal, and that earworm of a hook, until the chorus comes in by the end of the song and the synth line finally makes sense. It’s incredibly satisfying. Repackaging it to be as straightforward as possible with no respect for the source material outside of its meme factor is almost YouTube Poop-esque, which I would respect and find fascinating if it was clear that any passion was involved in the rest of the seemingly unrelated song. There is no comedy in the shock of that drop, just exhaustion.

#31 - “TRIPLE THREAT” - Headie One, K-Trap and Clavish

Produced by M1OnTheBeat, Likkle Dotz OTB and Ghosty

I have not listened to that Headie One and K-Trap collaborative album yet - been a bit too busy for new releases - but I am pretty impressed it got to #4. I know Headie’s big but he was kind of the decline right up until he took K-Trap under his wing for STRENGTH TO STRENGTH, with this cut getting the video push, and well, I’ll give it to Clavish, this is the first verse I’ve heard from him that I think he does very well on. His flow is tighter, he comes in with more energy than I think he ever has before, and there are honestly some pretty good lines, with his usual problem of leaving too much empty space really not here, which is impressive considering how this beat is pure menace with the waves of synths under particularly metallic drill percussion. Hell, he’d have the best verse here if Headie One wasn’t so effortlessly sick with his looser rhyme schemes, rich voice and memorable punchlines. With all of that said, the beat gets dryer overtime - the song’s not too long but the instrumental is pretty unmoving and copy-paste for it to work when K-Trap comes in and he has the loosest flow of all of them, leading to more awkwardness than there probably should be in his otherwise decent verse. Outside of that brief issue, I think this is still very solid drill, I’m honestly glad there’s still drill charting that’s as intense and dark as this.

#29 - “Agora Hills” - Doja Cat

Produced by Earl on the Beat, Gentuar Memishi, Jean Baptiste and Bangs

It’s no surprise to see that Scarlet, a fascinatingly bad self-immolation on Doja’s behalf, is under-performing compared to Planet Her, and whilst the fall isn’t drastic - this album still made it to #5 on the albums chart - it is telling that this of all songs is what is being pushed and what fans are gravitating to. First things first, this song samples “All I Do is Think About You”, a song originally cut by the Jackson 5 in their declining last few years on Motown before being popularised by Troop in 1989. It was a minor hit on the pop charts but very big on the R&B charts, and Troop’s is the version sampled because I mean, she can’t afford good mixing on this project two thirds of the time so I assume a Michael Jackson sample was also too much. The song never charted in the UK. Second things second, this song is pretty explicitly about Doja Cat’s current boyfriend who has some harassment allegations lept towards him, as well as some edgy X posts, with Doja emphasising the appeal of people not appreciating their relationship, sexualising the idea that they might get caught and harassed or trolled. There are sarcastic interludes about how she lives in a mansion, verses comparing herself to Fortnite and him to Jesus, a chorus threatening to tie the knot all delivered playfully as if she’s dangling keys in front of children and, considering that Mr. Cyrus allegedly had manipulated and emotionally abused several women and members of his Twitch community, a particularly striking line about how she doesn’t care where his penis has been - there aren’t sexual misconduct accusations as far as I’m aware but I feel like Doja jumped the defensive gun with that one and hints towards levels of discomfort I don’t think is actually even there. Third things third, Earl’s on the beat - this is a gorgeous production. Sure, the bass is mastered strangely, but the filtered 80s R&B synths skate under the expected trap skitter really well, and whilst Doja doesn’t do much R&B in this record, this song features her best vocal harmonies possibly ever during the refrain. Fourth things fourth, I have to ask the question: do I care more about how a song sounds or what it’s trying to convey? Can I really separate them? Last things last, I really don’t know.

#28 - “ONE MORE TIME” - blink-182

Produced by Travis Barker

blink-182’s comeback single, “EDGING”, was a horrible and misguided attempt at replicating their older humour. However, I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that this was a purposeful “sellout” or troll moment just to excuse the high ticket prices and get some viral bombast to their comeback record with the original line-up. This song goes for nostalgia in the video but is also a pretty genuine reflection on how tragedies and hardships in the members’ lives have brought them closer, such as how Mark Hoppus fought cancer quite recently. So I feel kind of like a terrible person for thinking this song is pretty bad. It’s a rote acoustic guitar line accompanied by really rough vocals from Tom DeLonge and stock pianos that sound straight out of the 90s, but not blink’s 90s, more like the adult contemporary and dream trance of the 90s. The lyrics carry weight but not in a way that is all that poetic or hard-hitting, and the melodramatic “emo” delivery isn’t doing the already whiny vocal melodies all that much justice. The vocal mixing - especially for Mark - is unacceptable for a band asking that much for a concert ticket, and Travis Barker isn’t left with much to do, especially not in that underdeveloped outro which lets a final “I miss you” sit there in the air before an increasingly sappy instrumental passage. I know this is human, I know this is genuine and to a lot of fans, going to bring back some memories, I’m sure. For me, I’m just sad the boys don’t have it in him to make a genuinely crushing single like they used to.

#21 - “Black Friday” - Tom Odell

Produced by Tom Odell and Cityfall

Thanks to the bizarre longevity of “Another Love”, Tom Odell is a mainstay on the UK Singles Chart, but he’s finally got another single in the top 40 and it does indeed have an acoustic guitar line. It has strings, a vocal take from Mr. Odell that implements reverb and softer vocal delivery, singing lyrics about love and relationships in a particularly frail cadence. In fact, so frail that I have to get out of ChatGPT mode and wonder what actually is going on in this song. It starts with an obscure soundscape that ends up being drowned out by the typical folk-pop, and even then it isn’t all that typical given the distance the mix gives the guitar and the subtle squeals before the first verse. Odell seems a bit checked-out and paranoid, not able to enjoy the time he’s spending with his partner, as he feels like a burden due to his inability to truly be happy and have fun, feeling like he’s being carried by his partner - or really friend as there’s not that much romance here - through life. Spending time with them almost confuses him, it seems, due to his perceived inability for self-improvemnet, with that falsetto warble in the chorus as he asks what is happening to him wavers on the drumless forest like he’s calling out for help. Sure, some of the lyrics may feel a bit cliché or stunted, but the performance definitely makes up, especially in that second chorus where he starts belting over a swell of strings and rushijng percussion that so cathartically crashes into a symphonic Britpop-esque instrumental, never fully erasing his yelped question: “what is happening to us?” It could be mixed a bit more dynamically at times during that impactful bridge, but otherwise, um, this may be a fantastic song. Colour me kind of confused and very corrected about Tom Odell, this is beautiful.

#20 - “Daily Duppy” - Nines featuring GRM Daily

Produced by Karlos

And we end, somehow, with a Nines freestyle. Huh. Well, you know the drill by now, GRM Daily is a YouTube channel that invites UK rappers to freestyle in this Daily Duppy series, and the biggest guest stars end up having their single officially released and charting. This beat from Karlos is one of the best I’ve heard from Daily Duppy freestyles, given the smoothly-blended 90s R&B loop being very effectively chopped up under a very hard trap beat. Oh, and Nines is here. I’d prefer if he weren’t. Yup, that’s it. What did you expect? It’s Nines, he doesn’t say anything interesting, and his dull flow actively detracts from a beat that deserves so much more personality. This is also just one long verse as usual, so there’s not a catchy hook or anything to latch onto sadly. Just kind of a wasted beat - and even that overstays its welcome a tad.

Conclusion

I feel like “Agora Hills” sums up this week pretty well because it really was kind of a binary clash between good and terrible for the most part. As a result, these titles fall out pretty easily. Best of the Week goes to Tom Odell of all people for “Black Friday”, as the Honourable Mention ends up in the hands of Alcemist and Campbell for “Would You (go to bed with me?)” though that sample is doing a lot of lifting. As for the worst, Troye Sivan gets the Worst of the Week handedly for “Got Me Started”, it’s practically insulting. I do feel bad for saying it but blink-182 get the Dishonourable Mention and really aren’t that far behind with “ONE MORE TIME”, sadly. As for what’s on the horizon, I don’t think it’ll be too busy of a chart outside of maybe Ed Sheeran but my predictions are pretty awful so take me with a grain of salt. For now, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

[broadway-june]

welcome, june from another timeline! glad to see you back. could you please do a parody of I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain? i was thinking I Feel Like An Egbert could be a fun direction to take it in alskjdk but it's up to you!

hey there anon! it’s nice to be here :D

i wanted to say thank you for the suggestion! I just gave the song a listen and i think you’re on to something! i’m not too familiar with it, but i definitely agree it has potential!

i have a few songs planned coming up in the next couple weeks (i’m still looking for that dang microphone…) but!!!

because you’re the first person to send me a request, i want that to feel special! so the next slot i have in my planner for writing lyrics is dedicated to you!

i’m a little rusty with song writing, but hey we’re here to have fun right?

hope you’re doing well anon! remember to keep your ears clean, ‘cause you never know when you need to listen out for a DUCK-

;D

[garthim-brooks]

I saw the 9/11 effect happen in real time. I was fresh out of high school and a lifelong country music fan as someone who grew up poor and rural and was introduced to the music by my parents - who, by the way, weren't conservative AT ALL. Some of my earliest memories are of hearing them shit-talking Reagan as working people who knew he was their enemy. My favorite artists at the time were Shania Twain, Garth Brooks, and the Chicks, then known as the Dixie Chicks. If you don't know what happened to them, story time.

It's important to understand that before 9/11, the Chicks were one of the most popular acts in country music, maybe even music in general. They were HUGE. They sold out stadiums and scored #1 hit after #1 hit. If you're Gen Z and don't know them, there's a very big reason for that. Welcome to (real) cancel culture!

After 9/11, the hyper-patriotism surged. Not just in country fandom - it was everywhere. But country artists capitalized on it. Thoughtful songs like Alan Jackson's "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning" gave way to Toby Keith singing "we'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way." Like the modern-day industry plants sneaking pro-capitalism messages into their lyrics, a lot of it was for show and for money. I read somewhere (citation needed) that Toby Keith is a registered Democrat. But it didn't matter. It stirred up outrage among the kind of rural conservatives who would go on to vote for Trump, the kind the right loves to use as pawns by convincing them that they can make their hard lives better by hating other people.

So bringing this back to the Chicks. At a performance, they spoke out against then-president George W. Bush invading Iraq. The backlash was swift and absolutely crushed them. Country stations blacklisted their music while DJs held public record-burning parties. (Sound familiar?) They received death threats and eventually stopped touring. For YEARS, they basically dropped off the map. They've only recently come back with new music and they're being recognized by the country world for their contributions, but without it really being acknowledged that their cultural impact would have been much bigger had they not been censored.

This doesn't DIRECTLY have a lot to do with Johnny Cash, who was around long before this, but it does explain why the post-9/11 generation might understandably think that country has always been a right-wing echo chamber. It hasn't. We had Johnny, and Dolly, and Willie, and yes even Garth, long before the "I love 'Murrrica and cheap beer and being exploited by my employer" wave took over. Those tides have been turning, too: we have artists now like Jason Isbell, Brandy Clark, Maren Morris, and countless others who are openly left-liberal in their politics and challenge artists like Aldean when they show their ass. There's finally more diversity in mainstream country. There are openly gay country artists who are popular. So nature is healing itself... but I suspect that's WHY we have an obvious plant like Oliver Anthony going on rants about welfare recipients instead of condemning the system that puts people in that position. There are people in the country establishment who don't want the genre to evolve and move left because then they can't use it as a propaganda machine to control poor rural people anymore.

The kids on TikTok think that just because he was a classic country singer, Johnny Cash was conservative??? My babies he covered a Nine Inch Nails song in his seventies.

Classic country singers (the majority of which came from poor roots) were always talking about how much The Man sucked because they were taking money from poor rural folk. You’re gonna tell me that’s conservative?? Get outta here.

[mrentertainerkaraoke]

Up - Shania Twain (KARAOKE)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVtjVIqroU0 Up - Shania Twain (KARAOKE) Welcome to Mr Entertainer Karaoke, Premium Karaoke Versions with Lyrics! Checkout our channel for thousands of high quality karaoke videos with new songs added regularly covering the latest chart hits from the biggest artists. Click link below to SUBSCRIBE and be the first to see all the newest releases... https://ift.tt/eqy6IQm Want a song made into #karaoke? Mention it in the comments and our production team will look into it ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ If you are new to our channel, we're happy you clicked on our video! Hope you enjoy. Please show your love💓 and support🤝 joining "MrEntertainerKaraoke" community now by subscribing and press (🔔) to join the Notification Squad and stay updated with new uploads✨ 🔴 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝟏𝐌 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞𝐫 : More subscribers = more songs! @mrentertainerkaraokechannel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8saA2uSz4hIUAo31Y5cM2w 👍 Like the video (it helps a ton!) 💬 Comment below to share your opinion! 🔗 Share the video :) ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ Want More to Sing? Checkout our Mr Entertainer Karaoke Playlists... https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0GuJt1mkGsSbkUoXmIFTxL87 https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0Gtm4f5mLOXEFZrqic6qEZK6 https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0GsXDNmGNh2tDaALYZFvqHmh https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0GuKVsIvjPd28YqcvKyHAp9l https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0Gssu40-J1ZfQzHgkspfKbP5 https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0Gt_kQOrAPeT1X6HlKGhrkC3 https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0Gv3IZJKpfdpWvA8wDY5bKdS https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0Gtt-CL7zGMRa94cavojmHQV https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxOgX7k3V0GsXDNmGNh2tDaALYZFvqHmh Or checkout some of our other Popular Videos... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2al3qI9eAA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrCO-wYZevM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4icB8OqRr_o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxrRTB1R5jI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wrmt5VKQ8-E ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ 📲 Stay Connected : 📷 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦: https://ift.tt/afUIup9 🔵 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤: https://ift.tt/XrfRWFO 🌐 Karaoke Hardware 𝗪𝐞𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞: https://ift.tt/h4dqRby 🌐 Karaoke Downloads Website: https://ift.tt/7NwXPs8 📩 𝐄𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐥 (Business Enquiries) info@mrentertainer.co.uk ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑 & 𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄 : This video and our YouTube channel contain music and images that are the property of Mr Entertainer Karaoke and is intended for non-commercial use only. You are authorized to share the video link and channel and re-record with your vocals and share on your own channel as long as a link back and credit to our YouTube channel is provided. ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ 🔎𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 #UpShaniaTwain #UpShaniaTwainKaraoke #Up #ShaniaTwain #UpKaraoke #ShaniaTwainKaraoke #Karaoke #KaraokeVersion #KaraokeVersionWithLyrics #KaraokeSongs #Kareoke #KaraokeSongsWithLyrics #KaraokeLyricsSongs #KaraokeParty #MrEntertainerKaraoke via MrEntertainerKaraoke https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8saA2uSz4hIUAo31Y5cM2w October 16, 2024 at 04:54PM

[pcwpolwrestling]

11/4/2008-Replay of Extreme Election Night 2008

PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008- November 4th from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, Wauseon, OH HOST: Johnny Suave

The voice of PCW, Johnny Suave, stands in the ring with a life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain. The sell out crowd is on their feet.

Crowd: “JOHNNY SUAVE (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!”

Suave: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! JANUARY 3RD, 2008. DRAMA AT DES MOINES STARTED IN EARNEST THE ROAD THAT LEADS TO TONIGHT LIVE FROM HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON IN WAUSEON, OHIO. WELCOME TO PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT…2008!”

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”

Suave: “I AM JOHNNY SUAVE. THIS HOT PIECE OF CARDBOARD NEXT TO ME IS SHANIA TWAIN. WE HAVE A SELL-OUT CROWD HERE TONIGHT AND THEY ARE READY FOR SOME EXTREME POLITICAL WRESTLING!”

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”

Suave: “ONE MORE TIME, THIS IS OUR CARD FOR TONIGHT!”

Suave and the life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain exit the ring. A video package comes on the big screen behind the ring and quickly runs through the matches.

–Mixed Tag Team Three-Way Dance: Bill O’Reilly and ? from Fox News vs. MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and ? vs. CNN’s Lou Dobb’s and ?

–Minnesota Street Brawl: Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) vs. Norm Coleman (American Patriots)

–Carolina Cat Fight: Elizabeth Dole (American Patriots) vs. Kay Hagan (Progressive Alliance)

–New Hampshire Intergender Match: Jeanne Shaheen (Progressive Alliance) vs. John Sununu (American Patriots)

–PCW Television Title Match: FUBAR © (Independent) vs. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Progressive Alliance)

–PCW Tag Team Title Match: Jack and Bull Schett © w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance) vs. Big Oil w/Texas Tex and Kirk Walstreit- the man with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (McMann Corp)

–PCW Women’s Title Match: ‘The Empress Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree © w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom (Progressive Alliance) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins aka KRC (McMann Corp)

Tonight’s Main Event: -PCW Title Match: ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes © w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)

——————–

VIDEO PACKAGE: O’Beck Bahama and PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes Announcer: “O’Beck Bahama arrived in PCW in early February to much fanfare and the full support of Barack Obama. Bahama won his first match on February 19th at Milwaukee Meltdown defeating Progressive Alliance stalwarts such as DLC and Triple R. He met Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots) and Halitosis (Independent) for the PCW title at Day of Judgment. Bahama acquitted himself well but in the end come up short against the more experienced Starz N. Stripes.”

REPLAY from March 4th BCEW Day of Judgment It comes down to the ‘Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes and the ‘New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama. Starz puts on a wrestling clinic, constantly staying one step ahead of the inexperienced Bahama. Armbar by Starz. Bahama reverses to a half nelson. Starz reverses that into a fireman’s carry takedown and then a chinlock. Bahama twists and escapes. Dropkick by Bahama. Chop by Starz. Irish whip by Starz reversed by Bahama followed with a suplex. Bahama misses a leg drop. Starz bounces up, lifts him up, and back suplexes Bahama. A second back suplex by Starz. Bahama wildly charges. Starz sidesteps. Bahama bounces off the ropes and Starz delivers a Death Valley Driver. Cover. 1…2…3…and we’ve got a new champion.

Announcer: “Starz and Bahama met for a second time April 1st at Night of Champions. This match never got off the ground thanks to some interference from Triple R…”

REPLAY from April 1st BCEW Night of Champions Both men shake hands as a sign of respect. The bell rings. Starz and Bahama lock up. And Triple R runs in and belts Bahama in the back. Dean, Pelosi, and Reid are swallowed by the scrum as the Left Wing Bloggers surge ahead and engage the Clinton Political Pitbulls. Triple R kicks away at Bahama. Triple R then turns and takes a couple shots at the BCEW champion.

Suave: “IT’S TOTAL PANDEOMONIUM HERE!”

Triple R wails away at Starz in the corner. Big Oil shows up out of nowhere.

Suave: “BIG OIL’S OUT HERE TO EVEN THE ODDS!”

The big guy rumbles into the ring. He looks at Triple R. He looks at Starz. He lifts Starz up and chokeslams him to the canvas.

Suave: “WHAT? BIG OIL JUST CHOKESLAMMED THE BCEW CHAMPION! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”

Triple R nods and piledrives Bahama. Then both men throw Starz and Bahama out of the ring.

Suave: “WHY? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?”

Announcer: “Then two months later, Starz N. Stripes and O’Beck Bahama met again at PCW Loose Cannons 4. This time, no interference. Bahama pushed Starz to the limit but again just came up short…”

REPLAY from June 9th PCW Loose Cannons 4 Bahama hits another neckbreaker out of nowhere. The referee counts to two before the champion gets a shoulder up in time.

Suave: “WHAT A MATCH! THIS IS THE BEST BAHAMA HAS LOOKED YET!”

Bahama climbs to the top rope but Starz crotches him on the top turnbuckle. Bahama tied in the tree of woe. McCain throws Starz a chair. Baseball slide and Bahama is potatoed with the chair. Roll up. Obama again pulls the referee’s attention away. McCain slams his hands on the canvas in frustration. Starz releases the hold.

Suave: “Barack Obama again saves O’Beck Bahama from…WAIT A MINUTE! HERE COMES JOE LIEBERMAN!”

Lieberman and Obama continue their debate from earlier in the night. Bahama gets up and sees Obama arguing with Lieberman. He turns his back on Starz and leans across the ropes. Starz slaps on the American Stars Double Fuji Bar submission hold and drives Bahama to the canvas. The referee is right there. Obama can’t get past Lieberman. O’Beck taps out. Announcer: “On September 9th, Starz, Bahama, and Green World Order member Brock Cole Lee met up on PCW Extreme Political TV. But it was the McMann Corporation who stole the show.”

REPLAY from September 9th PCW Extreme Political TV The second the referee calls for the bell, Mr. McMann and his new corporation suddenly return.

Suave: “What the hell? They’re back?”

Quadruple R, Bradley Scott Wilson, Richard Emerson Brantley III, and Kathryn Randall Collins hit the ring and attack. A scrum develops with the four contestants for the PCW title. Now working together, O’Beck, Starz, Nic Koteen, and Brock Cole Lee fight back against McMann’s corporation. Huge brawl develops. The ref scrubs the match and the free-for-all continues.

Announcer: “One week later, they met up again.”

REPLAY from September 23rd PCW Extreme Political TV Libertarian Bob Barr walks out with Politically Incorrect’s Nic Koteen, Pith Lord Darth (Ralph) Nader, and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee(Green World Order) and demands to know why neither Koteen or Lee were included in tonight’s match. Suave notes that both men were screwed out of their PCW title shot at Lock and Load 3. Nader pithily observes ‘this proves there’s no difference between the American Patriots and the Progressive Alliance!” Bahama turns away from Starz to see what the commotion is. Starz charges and crunches Bahama into the ropes and then flips him over his head. One…two…three.

Suave: “Again, the PCW champion is able to outsmart the younger, inexperienced O’Beck Bahama and…HOLY CRAP!”

Cut to Barack Obama lying on the floor and John McCain walking away with a Singapore cane in hand.

Announcer: “The next week, a final match is set for PCW Extreme Election Night 2008. So now, it comes down to this. The final shot at the PCW title for the ‘New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama. With Barack Obama in his corner, can he finally reach the top- the PCW title? Or will the experience of the ‘Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes and John McCain be the difference again? We’ll find out tonight.”

—————

Suave and the cardboard cut-out are now sitting at their broadcast table.

Suave: And tonight, PCW Owner Bubba Jackson will announce who will be the next CEO of PCW. Will it be ‘The Natural’ Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)? Or will it be ‘Straight Shootin” John McCain (American Patriots)? Let’s to go the back.”

BACKSTAGE PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with PCW Owner Bubba Jackson. Bubba is flanked by two Wauseon city police officers.

Bernstein: “Bubba, tonight you name the new PCW CEO. Are you leaning towards one person?”

Jackson: “Possibly. But I want to go through the interviews I did with all four as well as review everything that’s happened the past eleven months here in PCW before I make my final decision.”

Bernstein: “So, you’re essentially locking yourself in your office until you decide.”

Jackson: “Pretty much.”

Bernstein: Okay. One last question. It’s no secret that you and ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann have openly feuded over the years. The old BCEW Political Cable Show. The BCEW-EECW War. Now he comes back with the McMann Corporation. This is what he said last week.”

REPLAY- 10/28-PCW Extreme Political TV ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann slams open the door of his corporate suite and marches in. Gordon Guyko, Bradley Scott Wilson Esq, Rough Justice, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Big Oil, KRC, Quadruple R, and Kirk Walsteit follow. D.B. Ruff of Rough Justice tries to apologize; McMann waves him away. McMann confers with Guyko and Wilson.

McMann: “It’s not anyone’s fault. I should have anticipated something like this happening.”

Guyko: “Maybe we need to get you a full-time bodyguard.” McMann’s eyes light up.

McMann: “You’re right. And I know just the person who’ll fit the bill. But it’s going to take some…prodding, you know.” Guyko smiles and pulls out a wad of cash.

Guyko: “I know. Greed is good. Greed is really, really good.”

Bernstein: “Are you concerned?”

Jackson: “Sure, I am. The McMann Corporation has put at least five of our wrestlers out of commission in the past few weeks. Yes, I’m concerned. But I’ve been at this for almost four years now and I’ve learned that sometimes you have to take a step back in order to take two forward.”

Bernstein: “Thanks, Bubba.”

Bubba goes into his office and shuts the door. The two police officers station themselves in front of the door.

Suave: “We don’t know when Bubba will come out and make the formal announcement but-…hold on. Why are the women from The View walking up the aisle? And…that’s Charlene Ann Beckworth, our ring announcer. Okay. Let’s go to the ring.”

Charlene Ann: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! OUR FIRST MATCH WILL BE A HANDICAP MATCH. THE SPECIAL REFEREE WILL BE BARBARA WALTERS! IN THIS CORNER, ELISABETH HASSELBECK! IN THE OTHER CORNER, WHOOPI GOLDBERG, JOY BEHAR, AND SHERRI SHEPHERD!”

Suave: “Hey! It’s three against one, just like the TV show.”

MATCH #1 The View Handicap Match-Special Referee Barbara Walters WHOOPI GOLDBERG, JOY BEHAR, SHERRI SHEPHERD (Progressive Alliance) vs. ELISABETH HASSELBECK (American Patriots) Suave: “All right then. This is our special added attraction match.”

The bell rings. Hasselbeck and Goldberg to begin.

Suave: “I also question how ‘fair’ Barbara Walters is going to be in refereeing this match.

Hasselbeck starts fast. She slams Goldberg down and lays the boots to her. Side headlock. Shepherd in to help Goldberg escape. Goldberg gets a leg trip and then an arm bar. Tag to Shepherd. Double ax smash and drop toehold. Hasselbeck whipped into the ropes. A shoulder block by Shepherd and then a cover for 2. A very quick 2 count. Hasselbeck momentarily glares at Walters and allows Shepherd to work her arm, tag to Goldberg and she continues works the arm. Hasselbeck reserves, Goldberg kicks her and then stun guns her off the ropes. Whip back into the corner and Hasselbeck gets mugged by both Behar and Shepherd. Spinning kick by Goldberg. She slams Hassebeck’s head to the mat repeatedly and then tags in Behar. Double team elbow drop to Hasselbeck and then Behar slaps a choke hold on her. Goldberg hits with kicks to Hasselbeck. Now Shepherd in and they triple team her. Hasselbeck sent to the corner. Shepherd goes for the splash. Hasselbeck moves. Behar eats a big boot. Hasselbeck throws her through the ropes to the floor. Goldberg and Hasselbeck trade shots. Hasselbeck off the ropes and charges. Shoulder block. Hasselbeck covers. 1…………2…… Shepherd finally pulls Hasselbeck off.

Suave: “OH, COME ON!”

Behar back in. She ties Hasselbeck up and then puts her in the STF. Walters asks Hasselbeck if she wants to quit. Hasselbeck screams no. Behar cinches it in even more. Walters asks her again. Same result. Behar releases the hold and Hasselbeck slumps to the canvas. Behar pulls her back up by the hair. Hasselbeck is woozy and wobbly.

Suave: “Just end it already.” Pancake slam. Behar covers. Goldberg covers. Shepherd covers. Quick 3 count by Walters. Match over.

WINNER: WHOOPI GOLDBERG, JOY BEHAR, SHERRI SHEPHERD Suave: “Well, considering it was three against one…actually…four against one if you count Barbara Walters…I thought Elisabeth held her-…HOLY CRAP! THEY’RE NOT DONE YET!”

Goldberg and Shepherd hold Hasselbeck up. Behar slaps her and starts jawing. Behar slaps her again. She puts Hasselbeck back in the STF.

Suave: “THAT’S ENOUGH! THAT’S ENOUGH!” Behar releases the hold. Goldberg and Shepherd drape her over the top rope and start choking her out.

Suave: “YOU’VE WON THE MATCH. LEAVE HER-”

A deafening cheer erupts.

Suave: “IT’S SARAH PALIN!”

The Alaskan Pitbull charges to the ring with her hockey stick. Immediately, Goldberg and Shepherd bail out of the ring leaving Behar behind.

Crowd: “SARAH’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) SARAH’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

*THWACK*

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! PALIN NAILS BEHAR WITH THE HOCKEY STICK!”

Behar’s stunned and stumbles right back into Palin’s wheelhouse.

*THWACK*

Palin connects a second time and sends Behar over the top rope, pinwheeling to the floor.

Suave: “SARAH PALIN CLEANS HOUSE!”

Barbara Walters helps Behar to the back. Palin attends to Hasselbeck.

BILL PROMO Dr. Bill: “FUBAR, when I took you in June of this year, I took in a broken man. A man who’d been an abject failure. I took you in and nourished you, gave you the benefit of my vast knowledge and wisdom. How do you repay me? By leaving me out of the MOST IMPORTANT MATCH OF YOUR LIFE! YOU’D BETTER LISTEN TO DR. BILL BECAUSE DR. BILL IS LISTENING TO YOU! AND I HEAR SOMEONE WHO’S UNGRATEFUL. SOMEONE WHO THINKS HE KNOWS THE QUICKEST WAY BETWEEN A AND B. LET ME TELL YOU FUBAR, THE QUICKEST WAY FROM A TO B IS NOT ALWAYS AT THE MOST FEVERISH PACE! I GOT YOU THE PCW TELEVISION TITLE! AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET. (takes deep breath) FUBAR, a wise man once said ‘the most you get is what you ask for,’ actually, I said that. You’ve asked for it, FUBAR. Life’s a marathon; not a sprint. You’ll see soon enough why I did the things I did for you. To protect you and your meager talent…………….and you know that, FUBAR. But as another wise man once said…actually, I’ll admit it- I said that one too, awareness without action is worthless. And failure is no accident.”

Suave: All right, Dr. Bill there venting because PCW Television Champion FUBAR is defending his title for the first time without him in his corner against ‘No Frill’s Chris Escondido.”

VID RECAP-ESCONDIDO vs. FUBAR FEUD: 9/30- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: After FUBAR defeats Michael Hunt, a swinging neckbreaker by Escondido lays out the TV champ. Again, Escondido runs down FUBAR as a ‘glorified jobber’ and ‘talent enhancement.’ Escondido demands a title shot but Dr. Bill says no. Dean and Escondido then assault Dr. Bill but then the Jobbers aka Talent Enhancement run out. Jimmy from So Cal, the Jim Rome Clone wannabe come to his aid.

10/14- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: FUBAR defeats Halitosis when Dr. Bill directly interferes and helps him win. Escondido tells FUBAR that he can’t beat him without Dr. Bill. Escondido: “You’re nothing without Dr. Bill.” Escondido leaves an anxious FUBAR looking at Dr. Bill.

10/21- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: FUBAR wrestling the Jim Rome Clone wannabe, Jimmy from So Cal. FUBAR in control of match. Dr. Bill, though, still whaps Jimmy in the head with his clipboard. Escondido comes out again and demands his title shot. Dr. Bill tells Escondido ‘there’s no way in hell he’s getting a title match.’

10/28- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: Dr. Bill interferes again in FUBAR’s match against Richard Headd. Escondido gets on the mic but FUBAR snaps and goes off on him. FUBAR accepts Escondido’s challenge and told Dr. Bill that he was going this one alone.” MATCH #2 PCW Television Title Match ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO vs. FUBAR © (Independent) Suave: “This is all about respect for the Television Champion. FUBAR wants respect from Escondido. Escondido wants the PCW Television Title.”

The bell sounds.

Suave: “And here we go.”

FUBAR and Escondido meet in the middle of the ring and start trash talking. Escondido shoves FUBAR to start. FUBAR slaps on a headlock. Escondido powers out and whips FUBAR into the ropes. Escondido does a handspring into a hurracanrana. FUBAR right back up. Escondido sweeps the leg for a single leg takedown. Hammerlock by Escondido. FUBAR rolls out of it but Escondido whips him into the corner for a 10 punch. Dropkick by Escondido. Then he slams him shoulder first into the corner. Escondido bodyslams FUBAR. Leg drop.

Suave: “This is a wrestling clinic by Escondido. FUBAR looks totally outmatched out there.”

Escondido goes up, but misses the double knee drop. FUBAR hits a jumping back kick. He sends Escondido to the corner and then nails him with a spinning wheel kick. FUBAR goes up and hits a flying crossbody. He covers…1…2. Escondido pulls FUBAR into the corner, but misses the big splash. FUBAR counters with a moonsault. FUBAR with lefts and rights. Irish whip into the ropes…back body drop.

Suave: “FUBAR with momentum now. Chops to Escondido. FUBAR to the top rope…MISSILE DROPKICK! ESCONDIDO IS REELING NOW.”

FUBAR presses the attack. Kick to the midsection. Neckbreaker. Small package roll up. 1…2…NO! Escondido gets the shoulder up in time. FUBAR goes for the vertical suplex…gets it. Escondido is driven into the canvas hard.

Suave: “FUBAR to the top rope. He leaps…AND MISSES! ESCONDIDO ROLLED AWAY JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME! ANKLE LOCK! ESCONDIDO LOCKS IN THE ANKLE LOCK! FUBAR HAS NO WHERE TO GO. HE TRIES TO GET TO THE ROPES BUT ESCONDIDO HAS HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING. FUBAR DESPERATELY TRYING TO- HE TAPS! FUBAR TAPS OUT AND WE HAVE A NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION!”

WINNER AND NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO

Suave: “ESCONDIDO WINS THE PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION BELT FOR THE SECOND TIME!”

Escondido has a mic and he’s going to say something.

Escondido: FUBAR! I have to admit, you put on one hell of a fight tonight.”

The sellout crowd at Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon agrees.

Escondido: “I’m man enough to admit that I may have misjudged you. Even though you lost the Television belt tonight, and I know it’s a small consolation, but you’ve earned my respect. FUBAR, great match!”

Escondido extends a hand to FUBAR. FUBAR takes it and they shake.

Suave: “Well, it looks like both men got what they wanted tonight…”

The new champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido walks to the back *WHAP*

Suave: “…what the h- DR. BILL JUST KNOCKED FUBAR INTO A DIFFERENT TIME SIZE WITH THAT SHOT!”

Dr. Bill hits FUBAR over and over with his clipboard. Then he demands a microphone.

Dr. Bill: “FUBAR. What did I tell you? You were nothing before and after tonight you’ll be nothing again. Winners like me, don’t hang around losers like you-”

Suave: “ESCONDIDO’S BACK! HE GRABS DR. BILL…NECKBREAKER! NECKBREAKER! ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK!”

Escondido cinches in the ankle lock and Dr. Bill is in extreme pain. Dr. Bill quickly tries to tap out but Escondido doesn’t release the hold. Several referees run out and finally Escondido releases the ankle lock. Dr. Bill rolls around holding his ankle in major discomfort.

Suave: “While Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean up Crew come out to check on Dr. Bill, let’s go backstage with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.”

BACKSTAGE PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein is with PCW Women’s Champion Opal Winfree.

Bernstein: “Opal, any thoughts about your match tonight?”

Winfree: “Woodward, Kathryn Randall Collins is a formidable opponent. She beat me back in January for the title so I won’t underestimate her.”

Bernstein: “What about the McMann Corporation? Given the havoc they’ve wreaked over the past couple weeks, does their involvement concern you?”

Winfree: “No. I’ll have my flock, New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom, with me as always. And Barack Obama has my back; just like I have his. All I can do is bring hope to the ring and I will prevail.”

AMERICAN PATRIOTS LOCKER ROOM ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain comes up to John Sununu.

McCain: “John. Look, I’m sorry about the mix-up last week. We’ve been having trouble with Tina Fey impersonating Sarah Palin. But, I do offer my help-”

Sununu: “Thanks John, but no thanks. Your campaign for PCW CEO has been floundering and I’m in big trouble. I went ahead and took care of back up myself.”

Sununu walks out.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE LOCKER ROOM Jeanne Shaheen walks up to Barack Obama.

Shaheen: “Barack, I’m a little concerned about tonight’s match. Last week, Tina Fey helped me but I’m thinking the American Patriots are going to be looking for her this time.”

Obama: “Jeanne, leave it to me. I’ve got everything under control.”

MATCH #3 New Hampshire Intergender Match JEANNE SHAHEEN (Progressive Alliance) vs. JOHN SUNUNU (American Patriots) Suave: “Two weeks ago, Tina Fey snuck in and took out Sununu. What does Obama have in mind to help Shaheen win tonight?”

Shaheen goes right after Sununu. Rights to Sununu. Sununu pushes her down. Shaheen pops back up. A dropkick to Sununu. Sununu sends Shaheen out of the ring.

Suave: “That was a tough fall. Shaheen’s a little shaken up…HERE COMES ‘DEFENSE EXPERT’ HALLIE BURTON AND NEAL CONN…making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order. I have to read that whenever I say Neal Conn by the way.”

Burton gets an Enziguri and beats down Shaheen a bit. Hangman’s DDT on the floor.

The music of Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?”

The crowd explodes. A spotlight points out a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha appears on the second floor of Hack’s.

Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! HE’S BACK!”

Sununu can’t believe it.

Suave: “HE’S BACK! IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!”

The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.

Suave: “HE’S BACK HERE IN PCW!”

The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the bar area. He climbs up on the bar, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.

Suave: “Say what you will about Al Gore. But the man knows how to make an entrance.”

Burton and Conn watch Gore closely.

Suave: Even with Gore out there, Shaheen still outside- HERE COMES THE CLINTON POLITICAL PITBULLS!”

James Carville and Paul Begala aka the Clinton Political Pitbulls attack Burton and Conn from behind.

Suave: “CARVILLE AND BEGALA ARE ALL OVER HALLIE BURTON AND NEAL CONN! SUNUNU’S NOT WATCHING. GORE’S IN THE RING!”

Distracted, Sununu focuses on the mayhem outside and not on Gore. Sununu finally senses someone’s up. He slowly turns around and sees Gore. Sununu puts his hands up and backs into a corner.

Suave: “SUNUNU’S TRYING TO BEG OFF *THWACK* AND IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK! *THWACK* HOLY CRAP!”

Sununu spins around and flops to the canvas.

Suave: “SHAHEEN BACK IN THE RING…COVERS…ONE…TWO…THREE!”

WINNER: JEANNE SHAHEEN

Shaheen, Gore, Carville, and Begala are joined by Hillary and Bill Clinton in the ring. Hillary holds Shaheen’s arm up in victory.

Suave: “That’s three for three for the Progressive Alliance so far tonight. We’re going backstage again with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.”

BACKSTAGE PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office.

Suave: “Inside that office, PCW Owner Bubba Jackson is in the process of deciding the next PCW CEO. Will it be Barack Obama from the Progressive Alliance? Or will the American Patriots’ John McCain take the job? We will found out soon enough.”

BACKSTAGE At the back entrance to Hack’s, a large limousine has pulled up. The door opens and out come the McMann Corporation. Each member wears a nice suit or suit outfit. Bernstein tries to catch Kathryn Randall Collins as she walks by.

Bernstein: “KRC? KRC! Can I have a word with-”

Corporate Spokesman Bradley Scott Wilson Esq. pushes Bernstein back as the group files into a private area.

Wilson: “No comment.”

The door slams shut behind Wilson.

Bernstein: “Back to you, Johnny.”

Suave: “The McMann Corporation looks all business tonight…literally.”

CNN’s Lou Dobbs and Campbell Brown walk down the hallway towards the ring.

Brown: “Lou, I don’t know if I’m really comfortable doing this. I’m not a wrestler.”

Dobbs: “Don’t worry about a thing, Campbell. The two clowns, O’Reilly and Olbermann, hate each others guts. My guess is that the partners that they chose probably hate each others guts, too.”

Suave: “Okay. We now know that Campbell Brown will be Lou Dobbs’ partner tonight. Hopefully…hold on…”

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow walk down another hallway.

Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly and Syndicated Columnist Ann Coulter are shown in another hallway.

Suave: “There you have it. That’s your mixed tag team three-way dance participants tonight. But before the match starts, we have a special, special treat for you. The official house band of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon. Playing their brand new song ‘Keith.’ Here are the Black Swamp Pirates!” The crowd stands and cheers as the Pirates come out and plug themselves in. The lead singer, Junior Jackson, strums his acoustic guitar and steps up to the mic.

Jackson: “This is our ode to Keith Olbermann. It’s called ‘Keith.’”

Jackson (sings): Keith, you hit it big at ESPN But then your tenure there came to an abrupt end I know it seems so silly They won’t let you back in the building Even when you went back, and worked for them again

“Keith, you didn’t let them keep you down So you traveled on from town to different town Fox Sports didn’t work out well MSNBC the first time was hell Cause Bill Clinton, and Monica was going down

“But on Countdown, you found the thing that finally worked So you became even more of an overbearing elitist jerk And now you just don’t care Compared to you Fox News is balanced and fair And you make good ol’ Ann Coulter seem almost moderate to us

All right, let’s go now…

(Big Chorus) “Keith You’re the hero of the left. And the cultural elitists Who think they’re better than the rest With your furrowed brow Your mocking smile Special Comments serious and terse I might be the worst person in the world But you’re the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe

Jackson: All right, everyone follow the bouncing ball and sing along!

Keith You’re the hero of the left. And the cultural elitists Who think they’re better than the rest With your furrowed brow Your mocking smile And Special Comments serious and terse I might be the worst person in the world But you’re the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe You said, I was the worst person in the world But you’re still the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe

The Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon crowd give them a standing ovation. Johnny Suave even gives them a standing ovation.Keith Olbermann steams out and points at the Black Swamp Pirates.

Olbermann: “Y-you…are all- the WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!”

Maddow joins him. Dobbs and Brown come out next followed by O’Reilly and Coulter. Immediately, O’Reilly and Coulter and Olbermann and Maddow start jabbering back and forth.

MATCH #4 MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN and RACHEL MADDOW (Progressive Alliance) vs. BILL O’REILLY of Fox News and ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. CNN’S LOU DOBBS and CAMPBELL BROWN (Independent) Suave: “This is going to be fun!”

The bell sounds. Immediately, Olbermann races across the ring and goes after O’Reilly. Coulter and Maddow hook up in the middle. Dobbs and Brown just hang out in their corner. O’Reilly throws Olbermann over the top rope to the floor. Olbermann gets right back up and pulls O’Reilly’s legs out from under him. He pulls him out of the ring and they start going at it. Olbermann rams O’Reilly’s head into the railing. Clothesline. O’Reilly falls backward over the guardrail into the crowd. Olbermann climbs up the guardrail and lands a flying elbow on O’Reilly. Olbermann is handed a steel folding chair. *WHAP* Olbermann winds up again. *WHAP* O’Reilly kicks the chair into his face. Now O’Reilly with a chair. *WHAP* Olbermann spins like a slow moving top. Chair on the ground

Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! OLBERMANN’S BUSTED WIDE OPEN.”

O’Reilly drags Olbermann up to the edge of the stage and heaves him over the edge, five feet below to the wooden floor.

Suave: “O’Reilly’s set to jump. OH, WOW! OLBERMANN GOT HIS FOOT UP AND O’REILLY GOT A BOOT TO THE BALLS! THAT’S GOTTA HURT!”

O’Reilly bent over at an angle. Olbermann grabs a dirty plate off a waitress tray and breaks it over O’Reilly’s head.

Suave: “O’REILLY’S BUSTED OPEN NOW! OLBERMANN’S GOT A FORK…HOLY CRAP!”

More blood spurts out from Olbermann jabbing the fork into O’Reilly’s forehead.

Suave: “O’Reilly pounds the floor in agony! NO! OLBERMANN’S GOING FOR A PILEDRIVER ON THE WOODEN FLOOR!”

Olbermann gets O’Reilly up. O’Reilly’s so tall though that Olbermann can’t keep his balance. Olbermann and O’Reilly both fall backwards and the MSNBC star catches his head on one of the chairs going down.

Suave: “BOTH MEN ARE DOWN AND NOT MOVING VERY MUCH!”

Dobbs and Brown lean over the ring ropes and watch the action.

Suave: “Okay, if Dobbs and Brown are still in the ring, what happened to Coulter and Maddow…what…we’ve got a portable camera following them. Where? Oh…the bathroom. Might have guessed.”

Maddow goes for the Irish whip. Coulter reverses and slingshots Maddow into the bathroom door. Maddow staggers back. Coulter atomic drops her. Coulter puts her hand under the soap dispenser.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SOAP IN THE EYES! SOAP IN THE EYES! MADDOW CAN’T SEE!”

Maddow tries to find the sink to wash her eyes out. Coulter takes her by the hair and heaves her at the bathroom door again. Trash can shot. Maddow’s bleeding now. Coulter takes a step forward and slips on the soap on the floor. Her legs fly out from under her and the back of her head hits hard on the floor.

Olbermann slams O’Reilly into the steps leading up to the second floor. O’Reilly had just set up two tables just below the edge of the second floor. O’Reilly kicks Olbermann in the chest and sends him flying. O’Reilly with an empty beer bottle. Swings…misses. Olbermann low blows O’Reilly and swats the beer bottle away. Olbermann jumps on O’Reilly’s back and deliberately tries to choke him out.

Maddow in control in the women’s room. She goes to the soap dispenser and covers her hand in soap. Then she sticks it in Coulter’s mouth. Coulter gags and desperately tries to remove Maddow’s hand from her mouth. Finally, she bites down hard on the hand and Maddow yelps. Coulter reaches the sink and tries to wash out the soap taste. Maddow grabs her arm and whips her into a stall. She charges to follow up. Coulter kicks the stall door shut on Maddow’s face. Maddow pulls herself up and tries again. Same result. This time, Maddow grabs the trash can and heaves it over the wall into the stall. Then she charges in and flails away at Coulter. Maddow grabs Coulter by the hair and slams her face into the wall. Then the other wall. She takes the porcelain cover off the commode and plasters it over Coulter’s head. Coulter’s eyes roll up into her head and she slides to the bathroom floor.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! I THINK SHE JUST KNOCKED HER OUT!”

Maddow stumbles out of the stall and falls on the soap spot on the floor. She crawls to the door and exits the bathroom.

Dobbs and Brown continue to hang out in the ring.

Dobbs: “See? What’d I tell you?”

Suave: “Maddow coming back towards the ring…oh, no. WHAT THE HELL IS O’REILLY AND OLBERMANN DOING ON THE SECOND FLOOR?”

O’Reilly and Olbermann, both extremely battered and exhausted, try desperately to get the upper hand. Left by O’Reilly. Right by Olbermann. Left by O’Reilly. Right by Olbermann. Right by Olbermann. O’Reilly backs up to the railing overlooking the first floor. Left by O’Reilly misses. Right by Olbermann. Kick by Olbermann. Right by Olbermann. Olbermann then backs up a few steps.

Suave: “Oh, no. This can’t end good.”

Olbermann runs towards O’Reilly. Clothesline. O’Reilly up and over the railing but he grabs Olbermann’s arm and pulls him with him. Both men fall twenty feet down through the two tables set up below.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Crowd: “HOLY S***!…HOLY S***!”

Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! OLBERMAN AND O’REILLY JUST FELL TWENTY-FIVE FOOT THROUGH TWO TABLES!”

Crowd: “THIS IS AWESOME! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…THIS IS AWESOME! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)”

O’Reilly and Olbermann aren’t moving in the wreckage of the two tables. The referee immediately calls for Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean up Crew.

Maddow staggers out on the floor.

Crowd: “SHE’S HARDCORE!…SHE’S HARDCORE!”

Suave: “MADDOW’S BACK OUT…AND SHE’S A MESS.”

Maddow somehow makes it back to the ring and crawls back in.

Crowd: “SHE’S HARDCORE!…SHE’S HARDCORE!”

She stands back up…and falls right back down. Dobbs looks at Brown. Brown walks over. Roll up. 1…2…3.

WINNER: CNN’S LOU DOBBS AND CAMPBELL BROWN (Independent)

Suave: “THAT’S IT! LOU DOBBS AND CAMPBELL BROWN PLAY IT SMART AND LET OLBERMANN AND O’REILLY AND MADDOW AND COULTER DESTROY EACH OTHER!”

Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean up Crew attend to Olbermann and O’Reilly.

Suave: “It’s going to take a few minutes to clean this up. And I hope someone is checking on Ann Coulter in the bathroom.”

JACK AND BULL SCHETT PROMO The PCW Tag Team Champions have some stuff to get off their chest.

Bull: “Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit may have all the money in the world, corporate connections, wealth and privilege beyond my comprehension. But the Schetts have one thing that they don’t have…besides the belts that is.”

Jack: “That’s right. We have the ultimate insurance policy…the ultimate security blanket. Because if you try to take our PCW Tag Team belts, you’ll have to get past the Extreme Schnauzer- Hans Gruber. And if you think that’s going to be easy, then you don’t know Jack Schett.”

Bull: “That’s right. Hans Gruber is only the…GREATEST MOVIE VILLIAN OF ALL TIME! DIDN’T YOU SEE DIE HARD! ALAN RICKMAN WAS FREAKIN’ AWESOME! AND THAT’S NO BULL SCHETT! SCHELL!”

BACKSTAGE PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein knocks at the door of the McMann Corporation. The door opens. It’s Bradley Scott Wilson, Esq.

Wilson: “The McMann Corporation does not have any comment at all about tonight. We are going to make our statement in the ring.”

The door slams shut again.

Al Franken heads to the ring.

Norm Coleman walks towards the ring in another hallway.

Suave: “Norm Coleman got surprised a few weeks back on PCW Extreme Political TV. It was a wild ending to his match with Al Franken…”

REPLAY- Oct 7th PCW Extreme Political TV- Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) vs. Norm Coleman (American Patriots) The crowd chants ‘PCW.’ Rights to Coleman. Cross face shots. Body kick by Coleman and back to the wristlock. Coleman adjusts to a hammerlock and works the other arm. Franken rolled into a pinning position for 2. Again, Obama breaks the count. Franken to his feet into a shoulder block by Coleman. Suplex try by Coleman countered by Franken. Coleman thrown out of the ring. Franken to the apron. Flying elbow drop from the ring.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Arianna Huffington sets a table up and Obama puts Coleman on it. McCain runs around the ring. Arianna latches on to him and holds on for dear life. Franken to the top. Sarah Palin hits the ring again with her hockey stick and whacks Franken in the back. Franken falls and hits hard on the floor. Joe Biden now to the ring. Obama and McCain get into it. Biden climbs up to the top rope. Palin starts towards him but Arianna gets in between her and Biden. Biden leaps and puts Coleman through the table.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”

Biden rolls Coleman back into the ring. Then he rolls Franken back into the ring. Arianna and Palin rolls around on the ring canvas.

Suave: “CAT-FIGHT! CAT-FIGHT!”

Franken crawls over and covers Coleman. 1…2…3.

Franken and Coleman reach the ring.

Suave: “If the last match was a war, I hate to see how this one turns out. Both men don’t like each other. Is Coleman’s vast political experience enough to hold off Franken? Can Franken pull off a huge win and add to what has already been a huge night for the Progressive Alliance. And will we see Sarah Palin again in this match? We will find out in just a…SOMEONE’S RUNNING TO THE RING. WHO IS THAT? THAT’S DEAN BARKLEY THE INDEPENDENT. AND HE CAUGHT BOTH FRANKEN AND COLEMAN COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE. THERE’S A REF IN THE RING…HE’S CALLING FOR THE BELL!”

MATCH #5 Minnesota Street Brawl AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance) vs. NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots) vs. DEAN BARKLEY (Independent) Suave: “IT’S NOW A THREE WAY MINNESOTA STREET BRAWL!”

Barkley starts the match with a back elbow smash to Franken. Then hard right hands to Coleman’s face. Coleman back into the corner. Barkley blatantly chokes him. Franken clobbers Barkley from behind. Coleman wisely ducks out to the outside to catch his breath. Franken throws Barkley out of the ring and then Coleman slams him into the ringpost. Coleman stomps and kicks Barkley. Barkley gouges him in the eyes. Franken, now out of the ring, throws Coleman into the ring steps and then clotheslines him over the steel barricade into the crowd.

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”

They brawl in the crowd. Barkley comes up from behind and plants a steel folding chair over Franken’s head.

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”

Coleman tries to go back towards the ring. He rams Barkley into the steel barricade, jumps the barricade, and then slingshots Barkley over the barricade into the ringpost. Coleman went up top and took too long. Franken grabs the ropes and crotches Coleman. He falls back in the ring. Franken hits a leg drop from the second ropes and then bites Coleman’s forehead.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

The fans again cheer. Coleman reverses a whip then hits a pumphandle slam. Barkley hits a low, low blow on Franken. Franken somehow gets back up and thumbs Barkley in the eye. Coleman rams Franken shoulder-first into the corner ring post. Coleman rolls up Barkley from behind and hooks the tights. 1…2…3.

DEAN BARKLEY ELIMINATED

Suave: “IT’S DOWN TO COLEMAN AGAINST FRANKEN!”

Coleman drags Franken out of the ring and slams him into the guardrail. Franken counters, blocks a suplex, and drapes Coleman across the guardrail. Franken’s spin kick from the ring apron misses. Coleman moves out of the way and Franken crashes right-knee-first into the rail. Quick chair shots in succession leave Franken dazed and wondering what hit him. Back suplex by Coleman.

Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! HERE COMES SARAH PALIN! SHE SWINGS THE HOCKEY STICK��MISSES FRANKEN AND HITS COLEMAN!”

Palin winks.

Suave: “THAT’S NOT SARAH PALIN! IT’S TINA FEY FROM SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE AGAIN! HERE’S COMES THE REAL PALIN!”

Sarah Palin runs in and tackles Fey. They roll around on the floor.

Suave: “CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!”

Franken nails Coleman with a road sign. He next pulls out a cheese grater and rubs it across Coleman’s forehead.

Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! COLEMAN IS BADLY BUSTED OPEN!”

Franken pulls a ladder from underneath the ring and clocks Coleman with it. Franken grabs a garbage can and drop toe holds Coleman onto it. Cover. Two count. Coleman staggers back up and Franken knocks him right back out with a steel chair.

Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.”

Franken puts Coleman on top of the ladder and climbs up on the corner turnbuckle. Franken leaps off the turnbuckle and crushes Coleman on the metal ladder.

Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.”

Franken covers. 1…2…3.

WINNER: AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)

Suave: “THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE SCORES ANOTHER VICTORY HERE IN AN EXTREME HARDCORE POLITICAL MATCH! WOW! It’s now 4 for the Progressive Alliance, 1 for the independents, and 0 for the American Patriots.”

BACKSTAGE PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office. The door is shut and two Wauseon city police officers keep watch outside the door.

Suave: “The tension mounts as shortly, Bubba Jackson will come out and announce who the new PCW CEO will be. “

AMERICAN PATRIOTS LOCKER ROOM John McCain goes up to Elizabeth Dole, who’s warming up for her match against Kay Hagan shortly.

McCain: “Liddy, I just wanted you to know that if you need anything tonight, I will be there for you.”

Dole: “Thanks, John. But I have a plan for tonight and I’ve got everything under control.”

Suave: “Wow. It’s almost like some of the American Patriots are trying to distance themselves from John McCain.”

Kay Hagan (Progressive Alliance) walks towards the ring.

Suave: “It’ll be Liddy Dole versus this woman- Kay Hagan in a Carolina Catfight. Let’s go back two weeks and see what transpired in their preview match.”

Replay Oct 14th PCW Extreme Political TV Hagan attempts a standing moonsault and leaps into Dole’s knees. Dole locks in a submission hold. Obama comes in and pulls Dole off Hagan. McCain and Obama chin to chin in the ring.

Suave: “This could finally be boiling over! McCain and Obama look like they’re about to- HEY! WHO’S THE LADY IN THE RING?”

An unknown lady climbs into the ring with a skillet. She shrieks ‘I don’t trust you. You’re an Arab!’ and starts to swing the skillet towards Obama. McCain grabs the skillet at the last second.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE WAS GOING TO SKULL OBAMA WITH THAT SKILLET!”

McCain: “No, ma’am. He’s a decent family man with whom I happen to have some disagreements.”

Behind them, Hagan sneaks in and rolls up Dole. 1…2…3.

MATCH #6 Carolina Catfight ELIZABETH DOLE (American Patriots) vs. KAY HAGAN (Progressive Alliance) At the bell, both women charge each other and meet in the middle. Single leg takedown by Dole. Hagan forces her way up and they roll around in the ring.

Suave: “CATFIGHT!…CATFIGHT!”

Snap mare takeover by Hagan. Rake of the eyes follows, then neckbreaker. Hagan goes for the quick cover. Dole kicks out at one. Hagan sweeps the leg and dumps Dole back on the canvas. Leg drop doesn’t find its mark as Dole rolls out of the way. Dole chops Hagan. Hagan chops right back. Irish whip by Dole, Hagan reverses and send Dole into the corner turnbuckle. Hagan charges. Dole moves and Hagan rams into the corner. Dole rolls her up. 1…2… Hagan rolls through. 1…2… Dole kicks out. Hagan sends Dole into the corner. Headlock. Dole powers out and whips Hagan off the ropes. Single leg takedown. Hagan bounces right back up and dropkicks Dole.

They lock up again. Hagan hip tosses Dole. Leg drop. Hagan sits on Dole and wrenches her neck back. Dole tries to escape. Hagan bounces her head off the canvas. Dole fights up again but Hagan throws her through the ropes and out. Hagan climbs the corner turnbuckle.

Suave: “TOP ROPE MISSILE DROPKICK! WOW! THAT NEARLY DECAPITATED DOLE.”

Hagan on the offensive. She whips Dole into the steel guardrail. Dole staggers up and then gets clotheslined over the guardrail.

Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”

Hagan pulls Dole back up and drapes her over the guardrail. Guillotine leg drop flips Dole back over the guardrail and lands on the floor.

Suave: “WHAT A MOVE BY HAGAN. DOLE’S IN REAL TROUBLE NOW!”

Hagan drags Dole to the ring and rolls her in. Hagan to the top rope.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! 180 SPLASH! Hagan for the cover! One. Two. Th- TWO PEOPLE IN ROBES HAVE HIT THE RING- WAIT A MINUTE, IT’S THE PIOUS PAIR, IT’S THE GOD SQUAD!”

Rev. James Dobson and Rev. Pat Robertson pull Hagan off Dole and drag her out of the ring. Rev. Robertson holds a Bible up high.

Rev. Robertson: “Behold the good book shall smite-ith down our enemies!”

*WHAP*

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE JUST CLOBBERED HAGAN WITH THE BIBLE! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT?”

Rev Dobson: “This is the price you pay when you consort with Godless Americans!”

Dobson takes the ribbon that’s used to bookmark the Bible and wraps it around Hagan’s throat.

Suave: “AW COME ON! YOU CAN’T BE CHOKING SOMEONE WITH THE BIBLE! THAT’S JUST WRONG!”

The God Squad roll Hagan back into the ring and then climb in themselves. Rev. Robertson drags Dole over and lays her on top of Hagan. 1…2…

Suave: “NO! HAGAN KICKS OUT!”

Rev. Robertson and Rev. Dobson can’t believe it. Again, they put Dole on top. 1…2…

Suave: “NO! SHE KICKS OUT AGAIN!”

Rev. Robertson jumps up and down angrily. Dole pulls herself up on the ring ropes. Rev. Robertson and Rev. Dobson stand Hagan up. Rev. Robertson again raises the Bible.

Suave: “Oh, not the Bible belt again.”

Robertson swings, Hagan steps aside, and he catches Dole flush in the face.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE HIT DOLE! HE HIT DOLE! HE HIT DOLE INSTEAD!”

Rev. Dobson looks in horror at Rev. Robertson.

Suave: “HAGAN FOR THE COVER. 1…2… NO! REV. DOBSON PULLS HER OFF LIDDY DOLE! WAIT! HERE COMES JOE BIDEN!”

Biden, who’s been pretty much invisible since his botched promo a few weeks back, runs in and horse collars both Dobson and Robertson.

Suave: “BIDEN DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES THE GOD SQUAD! HAGAN COVERS 1…2…3! SHE’S DONE IT!”

WINNER: KAY HAGAN (Progressive Alliance) Suave: “That’s win number four for the Progressive Alliance tonight! Kay Hagan gets a tough and hard earned victory over Elizabeth Dole here at PCW Extreme Election Night. Let’s head to the back again.

BACKSTAGE PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews Barack Obama of the Progressive Alliance.

Bernstein: “Barack, as you wait for PCW Owner Bubba Jackson to announce the new PCW CEO, how do you feel?”

Obama: “Peaceful. I think we are minutes away from changing Political Championship Wrestling.”

Bernstein: “If you’re chosen, what will this mean to you?”

Obama: “If I’m chosen, this victory won’t be for me. It’ll be for all of those quiet heroes that we have all across America who, they’re not famous, their names aren’t in the newspapers, but each and every day they work hard, they look after their families, they sacrifice for their children and their grandchildren. They aren’t seeking the limelight. All they try to do is just do the right thing.”

Bernstein: “Wow…you’re really good at this.”

Obama: “Years of practice, my friend…years of practice.”

Bernstein: “Back to you, Johnny.”

Suave: “Here comes the McMann Corporation. They are here in full force tonight.”

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, CFO Gordon Guyko, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Rough Justice (D.B. Ruff and Connor Jackson- 2 former police officers fired from their jobs because of their rough and often across the line views about law enforcement), Corporate Spokesman Bradley Scott Wilson Esq., Corporate Secretary Richard Emerson Brantley III, and Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson aka Quadruple R. lead Big Oil with Texas Tex and Kirk Walstreit- the man with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit- to the ring.

Jack Schett, Bull Schett, Horst Schett, and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer follow.

Suave: “The Schetts have been the PCW Tag Team champions for over six months. Tonight, they may face their stiffest challenge yet in Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, backed by the full corporate might of the McMann Corporation. Two weeks ago on PCW Extreme Political TV, the McMann Corporation flexed their muscles for real for the first time when Big Oil and Walstreit destroyed A-Bomb and H-Bomb to become the new number one contenders for the PCW Tag Team title…”

REPLAY from October 21st PCW Extreme Political TV Suave: “Here we go. This one should be a doozy. The winner gets a shot at the PCW Tag Team belts in two weeks.”

Suave also notes that it’s weird to see Daisy Cutter-Bomb in the opposite corner of her brothers A-Bomb, H-Bomb, and N-Bomb. The bell rings. A-Bomb and Big Oil lock up.

Suave: “Hold on! Quadruple R in the ring…*WHAP* HOLY CRAP! That was a sickening chairshot on A-Bomb. H-Bomb’s in the ring…Ruff and Justice are in the ring. Newt Tron Bomb is in the ring. IT’S CHAOS!”

Big Oil plants A-Bomb with an Oklahoma Driller.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! And now, Ruff has a taser…HE JUST TASERED H-BOMB! DAWN McGILL IS LYING ON THE FLOOR OUTSIDE THE RING. SHE’S BEEN ASSAULTED BY DAISY CUTTER-BOMB! WALSTREIT GIVES H-BOMB THE STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! THIS IS CARNAGE!”

Big Oil drags A-Bomb up and Daisy climbs into the ring with a Singapore cane.

Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! DAISY’S NOT GOING TO…NOT TO HER OWN BROTHER…*THWACK* CANE SHOT! CANE SHOT! A-BOMB IS BLEEDING PROFUSELY!”

Big Oil throws A-Bomb down and gets the easy cover. 1…2…3. MATCH #7 PCW Tag Team Title Match JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT © w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance) vs. BIG OIL w/Texas Tex and KIRK WALSTREIT- the Man with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Walstreit w/the McMann Corporation (McMann Corporation) Suave: “We’re about ready to go!”

Walstreit kisses a photo of Kirk Herbstreit and then rubs a $1,000 bill for good luck. Big Oil hands Texas Tex his golden money belt. Tex puts the belt over his shoulder and guards the wheelbarrow that’s not so full of cash as it usually is- thanks to plummeting oil prices. The bell rings. Big Oil and Walstreit charge the Schetts. Outside the ring, Ruff, Justice, and Quadruple R take off around the ring.

Suave: “THEY’RE GOING AFTER HORST SCHETT!”

In the ring, it’s mayhem. Big Oil and Walstreit and Jack Schett and Bull Schett throw haymakers back and forth. Outside, steel chair shot to Horst Schett by Quadruple R.

*WHAP*

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! QUADRUPLE R WAFFLES HORST SCHETT A SECOND TIME WITH THE CHAIR!”

Horst falls to the floor. Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer, chases Ruff and Justice around the ring. They pass by Quadruple R.

*ZZZZAP*

Suave: “TASER! THEY JUST TASERED HANS GRUBER- THE EXTREME GERMAN SCHNAUZER!”

*ZZZZAP*

Suave: “TASER ON HORST SCHETT! HERE COMES THE GREEN WORLD ORDER!”

The GWO, Peta from PETA, Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and GreenPete, run in and attack Quadruple R.

Suave: “THE S*** HAS HIT THE FAN! THE GREEN WORLD ORDER DON’T TAKE VERY KINDLY TO SOMEONE TASERING A DOG!”

Quadruple R is swarmed under. Daisy Cutter-Bomb gets involved. She yanks Peta from PETA by the hair from the pile and Daisy Cutter Power-Bombs her.

*ZZZZAP*

Suave: “BROCK COLE LEE GETS TASERED. *ZZZZAP* GREENPETE GETS TASERED.”

Ruff advances on PeaceNick. PeaceNick chants peaceful mantras and non-violent slogans. *ZZZZAP* Doesn’t matter. In the ring, chokeslam by Big Oil on Jack Schett. Bull Schett powerbombs Kirk Walstreit. Big Oil and Bull then go at it.

Suave: “QUADRUPLE R’S IN THE RING. HE’S GOT A CHAIR *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! HE BENT THAT CHAIR ON BULL SCHETT’S SKULL!”

Bull down. Ruff throws Big Oil one of the Schett’s bricks. Jack is back up and stumbling around the ring.

Suave: “OH, NO! NO, NO, NO! *WHAP* HOLY CRAP!”

Big Oil breaks the brick over Jack Schett’s head. The brick explodes on impact and Jack’s out. Big Oil covers. 1…2…3.

Suave: “WE’VE GOT NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!”

WINNER AND NEW PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: BIG OIL and KIRK WALSTREIT (McMann Corporation)

Again, Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean up Crew are out to check on all three Schetts and their dog.

Mr. McMann flashes a thumb’s up to Big Oil and Walstreit on bringing the tag team belts to the McMann Corporation.

Suave: “BIG OIL AND KIRK WALSTREIT ARE THE NEW PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! THE McMANN CORPORATION HAS REACHED ONE OF ITS OBJECTIVES TONIGHT. WE’RE GOING TO FIND OUT IN A FEW MINUTES IF THEY REACH THE OTHER!”

BACKSTAGE PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews John McCain.

Bernstein: “John, your thoughts?”

McCain: “This is it. Mere minutes away from taking Political Championship Wrestling in a new and exciting direction, my friends. We need your help. We need your help and I will prevail here tonight.”

Bernstein: “John, it’s been a long, tough road. Do you have any regrets?”

McCain: “Well, in any campaign there’s things you should have done and things you shouldn’t have done. I know it doesn’t look good for us right now. But I’m a fighter and I’m in this to the very end.”

Bernstein: “Do you think the overly aggressive attacks backfired?”

McCain: “Maybe. Perhaps laying out Obama in three consecutive house shows wasn’t the best thing to do. Or taking out O’Beck Bahama. Or hitting Obama with a Singapore cane. But this is a tough business. It’s not for the faint of heart.”

Bernstein: “I just can’t believe you didn’t know Cheech and Chong got back together.”

McCain: “Who knew? The last I heard, Chong hated Cheech’s guts. The next thing you’re going to tell me is that I may very well lose my own state.”

Bernstein: “Well…um, that’s a possibility.”

McCain: “S***.”

Bernstein: “Thanks, John.”

Suave: “We are back. In January, Opal Winfree and Kathryn Randall Collins had two epic battles- both resulting in title changes. On January 8th at Mayhem in Manchester (NH), KRC got some help from Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls and defeated Winfree to become the PCW Women’s Champion. However, twelve days later at the Weapons of Mass Political Destruction pay per view, Winfree, with help from Barack Obama, regained the title. Since then, Winfree has consolidated her hold on the title while KRC went through some hard times. Collins hit a low at PCW Loose Cannons 4 when she lost to the PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin and the number one contender slot for the women’s title. KRC joined McMann’s Corporation and began the road back. Collins regained the number one contender spot on PCW Extreme Political TV when she obliterated Martin with help from Daisy Cutter-Bomb- who turned on the PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl. Let’s go back a couple weeks.”

REPLAY from October 14th PCW Extreme Political TV KRC advances on Tessa. Tessa calls for her oversized pizza box. Daisy Cutter-Bomb climbs out and grabs the box. KRC gets closer. Tessa again calls for the box. Daisy climbs up on the apron, raises the box, and then blasts Tessa in the face with it.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE…SHE…I DON’T BELIEVE IT. DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST DOUBLECROSSED THE PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL!”

Daisy climbs in the ring and gives Tessa a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. The PCW Arena crowd can’t believe it. Johnny Suave can’t believe it. KRC sticks her foot on Tessa’s chest and that’s all. Kathryn Randall Collins walks to the ring.

Suave: “The McMann Corporation is one for one. Can Collins make it two for two?”

‘The Empress Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree comes out next. She’s escorted by Barack Obama and Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom.

MATCH #8 PCW Women’s Title Match KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC w/The McMann Corporation (McMann Corporation) vs. ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Barack Obama and Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom) Suave: “We’ve had two title changes already tonight. Are we about to see a third?”

The McMann Corporation huddle together outside the ring. The bell rings and Collins and Winfree lock up. Collins tries to switches and gets behind Winfree. Takedown by Winfree. Modified surfboard by Winfree. Daisy Cutter-Bomb (McMann Corp) immediately runs in and pushes Winfree off. Winfree chops at Daisy. KRC climbs the rope and hits a DDT. KRC covers. 1…2. Easy kick out by Winfree. KRC goes on top again for a top rope Frankensteiner. Soccer Mom (Opal’s Flock), yells “WE MUST DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!” and goes to push KRC from behind. D.B. Ruff of the McMann Corporation runs over and pulls her off the ring apron sending her toppling down. KRC attempts a missile dropkick from the top rope and misses. Winfree executes two consecutive powerbombs. She climbs to the top rope for a splash and Quadruple R (McMann Corp) runs over and pastes her with a steel-folding chair. New Age Sensitive Guy (Opal’s Flock) tries to take the chair away from Quadruple R.

Suave: “NEW AGE SENSITIVE GUY DOESN’T SEE CONNOR JUSTICE (McMann Corp) BEHIND HIM… *ZZZZAP* TASER! TASER!”

Justice throws New Age Sensitive Guy to the ground. KRC picks Opal up by the hair and flings her face down onto the canvas. KRC pulls the PCW Women’s champ up and whips her into the corner.

Suave: “Big splash coming…NO! OPAL MOVED JUST IN TIME!”

KRC staggers backwards. Atomic drop by Opal. Body slam. Leg drop. Opal launches herself backwards into the ropes. Daisy jumps on the ring apron and throws Opal a chair.

*WHAP*

Suave: “VAN DAMINATOR! VAN DAMINATOR! KRC JUST KICKED THAT CHAIR INTO OPAL’S FACE! Opal’s in trouble!”

Barack Obama is on the ring apron and shouting encouragement to a woozy Winfree.

Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB IN THE RING! HOLY CRAP! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB ON OPAL WINFREE! KRC FOR THE COVER. ONE…TWO…NO! HERE COMES THE CLINTON POLITICAL PITBULLS!”

James Carville and Paul Begala hit the ring and double-team clotheslines Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Big Oil climbs into the ring and grabs Begala from behind.

Suave: “Oh, oh. This isn’t good for Paul Begala.”

Grab throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Begala bounces off the canvas. Carville tries to get out while the getting’s good. Big Oil drags him back in. Grab throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Daisy lifts Opal up again for another Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. Obama jumps in the ring and tries to stop her. Quadruple R grabs Obama and whips him into the corner. Daisy up and wham! Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. KRC calls for a table. Kirk Walstreit slides it in and KRC sets it up. Daisy drags Opal up one more time.

Suave: “THEY’RE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN!”

Opal up. Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb through the table.

Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”

KRC calls for another table.

Suave: “WHAT? JUST PIN HER ALREADY!”

Again, Walstreit slides in a table. KRC sets up on the top rope corner turnbuckle. Daisy drags Opal over to her and sets her up.

Suave: “OPAL’S SET. HERE COMES SOCCER MOM. DAISY GRABS HER! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB! DDT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!”

Crowd: “THIS MATCH RULES! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) THIS MATCH RULES (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST OBLITERATED SOCCER MOM WITH A DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB. THEN KRC DDT’S OPAL FROM THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE TABLE! KRC COVERS… ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT! WE’VE GOT A NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!”

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (McMann Corporation)

Suave: “WE ARE THREE OUT OF THREE IN NEW CHAMPIONS TONIGHT! THE McMANN CORPORATION NOW HAS TWO PCW TITLES IN THEIR STABLE! AND WE’VE GOT ONE MORE TO GO! WHAT A NIGHT!”

BACKSTAGE PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office. The two Wauseon city policeman are still there.

Suave: “Still nothing from Bubba Jackson about who the new PCW CEO is. We’ll keep an eye on that door.”

McMANN CORPORATE SUITE ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann returns to a waiting CFO Gordon Guyko.

Guyko: “Well? Did you get our man?

McMann: “It took some of our Wall Street bail out money to do it, but we got our guy.”

Guyko: “Excellent. Greed is good. Greed is really, really good.”

McMann: “Yes, it is.”

*YEEEEEEE-AHHHHHHHHH!*

Suave: “Of course, that’s the unmistakable calling card of one, ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean.” Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Steny Hoyer and Harry Reid (Progressive Alliance) come to the ring. O’Beck Bahama and Barack Obama follow.

Suave: “We are minutes away from the PCW Title match. O’Beck Bahama is here. Now, we wait for the PCW Champion.”

GEORGE W’S OFFICE George W works on paperwork. He aide de camp Dick fumes.

Dick: “I still say there’s no reason why we shouldn’t be out there for this match. We are the leaders of the American Patriots.”

W.: “Dick, I’m not worried about it. This is what John McCain wanted.”

Dick: “John McCain can kiss my ass!”

Dick stomps out.

Suave: “Well. Dick seems a little bent.”

American Patriots John Boehner and Mitch McConnell lead the way for McCain and the PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes.

Suave: Starz N. Stripes’ title reign is over eight months. Can he extend it even further tonight? We will find out soon enough.”

Both men in the ring now. Charlene Ann Beckworth climbs in to do the ring announcing.

Charlene Ann: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THIS MATCH IS FOR THE PCW CHAMPIONSHIP! IN THIS CORNER, SECONDED BY ‘THE NATURAL’ BARACK OBAMA, HE’S THE ‘NEW ROOKIE SENSATION’ O’BECK BAHAMA!” Roughly half the crowd stands and cheers on Bahama.

Charlene Ann: “AND IN THE OTHER CORNER, SECONDED BY ‘STRAIGHT SHOOTIN’’ JOHN McCAIN, HE’S THE ‘ORIGINAL ROOKIE SENSATION’ AND THE CURRENT PCW CHAMPION- STARZ N. STRIPES!”

The other half stand and cheer.

Suave: “You can feel the buzz in the air. We could have history in the making here tonight.”

BACKSTAGE PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office. The two Wauseon city policeman stand in place.

Suave: “Okay, still no change with Bubba. We’re about ready to go. Starz and Bahama for the PCW Title.

MATCH #9 PCW Championship Match O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) vs. STARZ N. STRIPES © w/John McCain (American Patriots) The referee calls for the bell.

Suave: “Here we go!”

Staredown as O’Beck and Starz circle each other. Starz smiles and they finally lock up. Starz goes for a bodyslam. Bahama reverses and pushes Starz to the ring ropes. Starz holds on to the ropes. Circling and staring again. Another lockup. O’Beck shoots Starz’s leg and takes him down. Arm drag into a wrist lock by Bahama. Into the corner. Starz unleashes a right hand that glances off Bahama. Bahama with a side headlock. Irish whip into the ropes. Back body drop by Bahama. Bahama shoots him into the ropes again but this time Starz hangs onto them. Starz slides out of the ring and takes a walk to confer with McCain. .Starz back in and they lock up yet again. Bahama monkey-flips Starz and delivers the boots to the gut. Out of nowhere, Starz slaps on the American Star and Fuji Arm Bar submission hold.

Suave: “THIS COULD BE IT!”

Bahama grabs the ropes and hold on to them for dear life. The referee breaks the hold.

Starz confers with John McCain. Bahama slingshots himself across the ring and crushes Starz against the steel barricade. Irish whip into the barricade on the other side. Another Irish whip from Bahama. He ducks for a backdrop but Starz kicks him in the mush. Starz starts laying in right hands and pushes Bahama out through the ropes. Bahama quickly climbs back up on the apron. Starz charges. Bahama ducks and back body drops the PCW champion over the ropes and through a ring table.

Suave: HOLY CRAP!”

O’Beck wastes no time in climbing the top rope and splashing Starz on the floor.

Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”

Starz crawls out of the wreckage but Bahama follows up with an Irish whip into the steel guardrail. Bahama grabs a chair and waffles Starz with it. Starz slumps to the ground. Bahama climbs the ring steps.

Suave: “MISSILE DROP KICK FROM THE STEPS! STARZ CAUGHT IT FLUSH ON HIS JAW AND HE IS DAZED!”

Bahama pulls Starz up. Superkick! Starz falls backwards and hits the floor hard. Barack Obama urges Bahama on. Bahama presses the attack, grabbing another steel folding chair and pastes the champion in the face with it. He throws the chair on the floor.

Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! THE PCW CHAMPION IS IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE HE’S AT!”

Bahama drags Starz back into the ring. Bahama goes for the win.

Suave: “1…2…NO! BAHAMA GAVE HIM TOO MUCH TIME AND STARZ KICKS OUT!”

Bahama goes for another cover.

Suave: “NO! STARZ KICKS OUT AGAIN! BAHAMA MAY HAVE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE IN NOT TRYING TO PIN THE CHAMPION ON THE FLOOR!”

Starz tries to fight back. Bahama lifts him for a jack-knife power bomb. Starz flips through and shoves the New Rookie Sensation into the ropes. Wild right by Starz misses badly. Bahama trips Starz and he lands throat first on the top ring rope. Running splash takes the air out of Starz. Bahama covers.

Suave: “1…2…McCAIN SAVES HIM! McCAIN RAN OVER AND PUT THE CHAMPION’S FOOT ON THE ROPES!”

Bahama drives Starz to the canvas with a running power bomb. The crowd begins to anticipate a possible title change.

Suave: “THIS COULD BE THE NIGHT! BAHAMA COVERS…”

A huge roar erupts.

Suave: “IT’S SARAH PALIN! SHE’S IN THE RING! *THWACK* HOLY CRAP! *THWACK* OH! SHE NAILED BAHAMA WITH HER HOCKEY STICK!”

Bahama staggers.

Suave: “TINA FEY! TINA FEY’S OUT HERE! SHE GOES UP TO PALIN…SHE TAKES THE HOCKEY STICK AWAY. AND NOW, FEY’S LEAVING! PALIN’S CHASING HER.”

Standing drop kick by Starz drives Bahama into the corner.

Suave: “SARAH PALIN HAS TOTALLY CHANGED THE COMPLEXION OF THE MATCH!”

An newly energized Starz throws lefts and rights. Snap mare take down. Enzuigiri by Starz and then a backpack stunner. Bahama blocks a suplex attempt but eats a flying knee. Starz charges and shoulder blocks Bahama into the ropes. Bahama walks right into a Ricola bomb. Cover. 1…2.. Bahama gets the shoulder up. Bahama gets crotched on the top rope and schoolboyed for another two. Starz goes for a Texas Cloverleaf but Starz rolls through it. Starz hits a Michinoku Driver. Starz hits a fireman’s carry takedown and then a chinlock. Bahama escapes the hold and pushes Starz back. Right by Bahama. Right by Starz. Right by Bahama. Right by Starz. Irish whip by Starz reversed by Bahama followed by another reversal. Bahama misses a leg drop. Starz back suplexes Bahama. Bahama wildly charges. Starz sidesteps. Bahama bounces off the ropes and Starz delivers a Death Valley Driver. Cover.

Suave: “One…Obama breaks the count this time.”

Starz hits a tilt-a-whirl suplex. Starz goes for a piledriver; Bahama kicks him low.

Suave: “That’ll stop your momentum in a big hurry.”

Bahama with rights. Irish whip into the ropes. Bahama ducks the lariat. Lou Thesz Press by Starz. He pummels Bahama on the canvas. Irish whip by Starz. Belly to belly suplex. Bahama bounces off the canvas.

Suave: “STARZ WITH THE MOMENTUM AND…HE WANTS A TABLE!”

McCain slides a table into the ring and Stara sets it up. Rights by Starz. Then he sets Bahama up. Suave: “HE’S LINING BAHAMA UP…” The PCW crowd roars again.

Suave: “SARAH PALIN! .SARAH PALIN’S BACK OUT!…OR IS IT TINA FEY?”

Palin climbs up to the ring apron.

Suave: “I DON’T THINK STARZ’S SURE IF IT REALLY HER OR NOT.”

McCain’s confused.

Suave: “STARZ PULLS BAHAMA UP AND HOLDS HIM…HE’S TELLING PALIN OR FEY OR WHOMEVER TO GO AHEAD.”

Palin swings. Bahama ducks. Starz catches the stick with his hand. He throws Bahama out of the ring.

Suave: “STARZ IS PISSED. HE FLIPS HER INTO THE RING!”

The crowd stands and cheers.

Suave: “HE’S NOT! YES HE IS.”

Starz powerbombs her through the table.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Tina Fey runs out dressed as Palin. She winks at Starz and leaves.

Suave: “OH MY GOD! STARZ JUST POWER-BOMBED SARAH PALIN THROUGH A TABLE!”

Starz looks at the unconscious Palin lying among the ruins of the table in abject disbelief. McCain is stunned. Starz checks on her. Bahama claws his way back into the ring and blindsides the distracted Starz from behind.

Suave: “BAHAMA BACK ON THE ATTACK!”

Kicks to the stomach. Rights by Bahama. Irish whip.

Suave: “SOMERSET PLANCHA BY BAHAMA! BULLDOG BY BAHAMA! HE’S CALLING FOR A LADDER!”

Obama slides a ladder in.

Suave: “Bahama with Starz. DDT ONTO THE LADDER!”

Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”

Bahama puts the ladder over him and spins like a propeller and decks Starz. Bahama throws the ladder at Starz.

Suave: “STARZ IS HURT AGAIN! HE FALLS BACK INTO THE CORNER!”

Bahama places the ladder on Starz and goes to the opposite corner. He sprints across and plasters the ladder into the champ.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THIS COULD BE IT!”

Crowd: “This match rocks! This match rocks!”

Suave: “BAHAMA GOING FOR THE PIN…… ONE…TWO…NO! McCAIN BREAKS THE COUNT! McCAIN LITERALLY LEAPED ACROSS THE RING TO STOP THE REFEREE FROM COUNTING OUT STARZ!”

Bahama climbs up the corner turnbuckle. 450 Splash on Starz. Again, he covers.

Suave: “ONE…TWO…AGAIN! McCAIN AGAIN STOPS THE COUNT!”

McCain stumbles back to his corner. Bahama picks up Starz and power bombs him. Cover.

Suave: “ONE…TWO…NOOOOO! McCAIN AGAIN SAVES STARZ! UNBELIEVEABLE!”

Obama pounds on the ring canvas. Everyone is standing up in the building.

Suave: “THIS CROWD IS GOING NUTS! JOHN McCAIN HAS SAVED THREE PINFALLS! HOLD ON. BAHAMA WANTS A TABLE SET UP OUTSIDE THE RING.”

Obama quickly sets up a table. Bahama picks up Starz. He runs towards the ropes and heaves him over. Starz destroys the table.

Suave: “AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! BAHAMA TO THE TOP ROPE. 45O SPLASH! HE COVERS. ONE…WAIT! WHAT’S DICK CHENEY DOING. HE RUNS INTO McCAIN…”

The bell rings.

Suave: “THAT WAS THE BELL? WAIT A MINUTE…CHARLENE ANN BECKWORTH IN THE RING.”

Charlene Ann: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE WINNER BY PINFALL AND NEW PCW-”

The deafening crowd drowned out the rest of what of Charlene Ann said.

Suave: “HE DID IT! HE DID IT! O’BECK BAHAMA IS THE NEW PCW CHAMPION!”

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW…PCW!…”

Suave: “LET’S LOOK AT THIS FROM ANOTHER VIEW. HOLY CRAP! McCAIN WAS TRYING TO GET OVER TO STARZ BUT DICK ACCIDENTLY TRIPPED HIM UP. THERE’S THE THREE COUNT.”

BACKSTAGE PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office. Bubba leaves the office and heads towards the ring escorted by the Wauseon police.

Suave: “HERE’S COMES BUBBA JACKSON! IT’S TIME!”

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW…”

Obama, Bahama, and the rest of the Progressive Alliance celebrate in the ring. Bahama holds up the PCW title belt.

Suave: “WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MATCH! THIS MAY HAVE BEEN THE BEST MATCH IN PCW HISTORY! O’BECK BAHAMA DEFEATS STARZ N. STRIPES AND BECOMES THE NEW PCW CHAMPION”

Bubba makes his way to the ring.

Suave: “AND NOW, IT’S TIME TO FIND OUT WHO WILL BE THE NEW CEO OF PCW.”

PCW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON ANNOUNCES THE NEW PCW CEO Jackson: “PCW fans! Before I announce my selection to be the new PCW CEO, I want to thank both Barack Obama and John McCain for a spirited and passionate contest. John McCain. You swore you were going to fight to the end and that’s exactly what you did. You stuck to the courage of your convictions and battled as fiercely as I’ve ever seen anyone battle. Barack Obama. Your leadership helped take a raw, unproven talent in O’Beck Bahama and raise him up to where he’s now the PCW Champion. Your youth, your ideals, and your passion has served you well. Both of you are men of honor but there can only be one choice for PCW CEO. PCW fans, the new PCW CEO is…Barack Obama!”

Suave: “IT’S OBAMA! IT’S OBAMA!”

Obama and McCain shake hands and then Obama takes the mic.

Obama: “Bubba Jackson. I humbly accept the position of CEO of Political Championship Wrestling.”

The crowd stands and cheers as the show ends.

[mayhemproduces]

Syn & Abigail vs Taya Valkyrie & Johnny Mayhem

For the first time in MPW, we’re being blessed by the presence of Johnny Mayhem, known by many names over the years, and his wife, Taya Valkyire! With Valentine's day right around the corner, Johnny and Taya make their MPW Tag Team debut, against maybe MPW’s most notorious couple, responsible for sewing so much destruction and doubt throughout the company, everyone’s least favorite couple, Syn & Abigail. 

As soon as the bell rings, though, Syn and Abigail both try to charge right at Taya and Johnny, and knock each of them through the ropes! Syn & Abigail with a not very warm welcome here to their opponents tonight, but as they follow them out of the ring, Taya and Johnny decide they’re not gonna stand for that, and start beating down Syn & Abby! Syn and Abigail though, both being adept and powerful strikers, hit right back, with Syn and Taya trading forearms, and Abigail and Johnny doing the same! We’ve broken down into a full on Valentine’s day brawl!

Taya and Johnny quickly find themselves overwhelmed and try to run for it, with Syn and Abigail not letting up! Syn starts catching Taya with a couple of clubbing blows to the back, as Taya tries to drive Syn into the ring apron, to no effect as Syn keeps laying into Taya! Abigail has Johnny against the steel guardrail, and starts laying into him with several chops to the chest! Abigail sends Johnny into the ringpost, bouncing his head off the steel, before she rolls into the ring for a brief second, rolling right back out to force Jake Clemons to restart his count. This time, Abigail goes right after Taya as Syn grabbed Johnny, who was trying to crawl away, by the hair, catching him with a couple of cross face shots as he held him down. Abigail rakes Taya’s eyes, before grabbing a handful of her hair, and bouncing the Wera Loca’s head off the guardrail! so far Syn and Abigail have complete control of this match!

Syn catches Johnny with a chop so hard it drops him, as Abigail is now putting the boots to Taya’s midsection against the guardrail. Syn grabs a handful of Johnny’s long brown locks and drags him along the outside of the ring, before driving Johnny’s head into the ring post again! Even without weapons, Syn had a way of using everything in the surrounding environment to his advantage! Syn catches Johnny with a boot to the back, right on the spine, as Johnny laid on the outside, before it’s his turn to roll in and back out of the ring to restart the count. As long as one of either Syn or Abigail stayed close enough to the ring to keep doing that, they could keep this outside brawling up all match, a style that vastly advantaged the two of them. Abigail continued to lay into Taya with a series of right hands, as over on the other side of the ring, Syn had Johnny’s head pressed up against the guardrail, and Syn was raking Johnny’s face across the bars! Johnny was already bleeding, whether it be from the repeated throws into the ring post, or he was opened up by the guardrail, but either way, The Fallen is getting everything they want here tonight!

Syn grabs Johnny into a headlock, and pushes Johnny’s hair back, displaying the cut on Johnny’s head that was currently leaking blood for the fans at home to see. “This the guy? This the guy they’re bringing in to fight me?!” Syn spoke right into the camera. “This the dude you thought would get the better of me?! Really?!” Syn then peppers Johnny with a couple of short punches to the forehead, opening up Johnny even further, before releasing him and blasting him with a chop to the chest. “Shania Twian sucks anyways.” 

Johnny staggers away, and once again Syn rolls in and out of the ring, breaking Clemons count. Clemons almost looks resigned to it at this point, and even though he was told to strictly enforce the count tonight, it wasn’t doing anything to get Syn and Abigail to bring this one into the ring just yet. Maybe Clemons knew this all along, being the MPW Senior Official and all, and knew it would be a fools errand to try and get any sort of control in this one. 

Abigail bounces Taya’s head off the ring apron, before leaving him, trying to get Syn’s attention for something. As Syn is still laying into Johnny, Abigail grabs his shoulder, and while the cameras can’t pick up their conversation very clearly, the way Abigail is gesturing, it seems like she’s trying to talk Syn into setting up some sort of double team move. Syn looks confused at first, and there’s definitely a breakdown in communication. Perhaps a bit of struggling after such a big loss to the Shield last sunday! The conversation took longer than it probably should have, as Syn turns around into a eye poke from Johnny Mayhem, and as Abigail tries to grab Taya, she grabs her and whips her right into the steel ringpost! Abigail’s head bounces off the steel, and she spills to the floor! Johnny grabs a handful of Syn’s hair, and drives him into the ring post as well!

Taya checks her own forehead, and notices she’s bleeding, before giving a stomp to The White Reaper, making sure she stays down, as Taya starts digging around underneath the ring. Back on the other side of the ring, Syn is trading right hands with Johnny, and actually looks to be getting the better of him, before Taya comes over and cracks a chair over Syn’s back! Syn drops down to his knees and clutches his back, having to use the apron just to keep his feet. Some payback for what Syn was doing to her husband! Taya starts laying into Syn with a couple of right hands, stunning him, before going and checking on her partner. Johnny was gushing blood, but was otherwise okay, on his feet, and ready to fight. Taya began digging around the ring, looking for more weapons in order to press Johnny and Taya’s advantage at the moment. Clemons count reaches nine, before Johnny slides into the ring and slides back out, restarting it. Why Clemons was even bothering at this point was probably both beyond him and us here watching, but you have to admire Referee’s Clemons' attempt. Johnny charges in and catches Syn with an axe handle to the back, and as Syn drops to a knee, Taya follows it up with a kick to the ribs! Johnny continues to beat down on Syn as Taya shouts at the booing crowd to shut their mouths. Both Taya and Johnny pick Syn back up, and the two of them together whip Syn into the steel ringpost, smashing Syn’s head against it and causing Syn to collapse to the floor! Syn might be out cold! 

Abigail was back on her feet, and tried to go over and help, but Taya lifts her up and charges with her, using Abigail as a batting ram and driving her spine into the other ringpost! TTaya grabs Abigail and tosses her back into the ring, this match finally for the first time since the opening bell getting back into the ring. Johnny rolls in with her, as Taya goes to get on the apron, Johnny catching Abigail with a kick to the head. Johnny drops down and hooks the leg for the first cover of the match. 

1…2… Kickout!

Abigail out at two. Abigail tries to crawl to her team’s corner, but Syn wasn’t up on the apron, still laying on the floor after the beatdown he received from Johnny’s pissed off wife. Abigail tried to shout down at him to get up, but Johnny puts a knee right in her back to silence her for the moment! Clemons yells at Johnny to get her off the ropes, and after a count of four, Johnny puts his hands up, trying to feign innocence. Johnny tries to go back at Abigail, but Abigail catches him with a shot in the gut, before getting back to her feet, catching Johnny with a series of right hands, before sending Johnny off the ropes, but Johnny turns it around on her, sends Abigail off the ropes, and then nails Abigail with a dropkick! Abigail is on wobbly legs after that one, but doesn’t go all the way down. Such a big, powerful competitor like Abigail, sometimes even your best strike isn’t enough to take her off her feet. It takes a second dropkick to knock Abigail down, and Johnny grabs her leg, the one with the knee brace on it, a frequent and perhaps sole weakness of Abigail’s, and drags her back over to his team’s corner, tagging in Taya Valkyrie. Taya puts her foot on the front of Abigail’s knee, and Johnny grabs the leg, snapping back with it, causing Abigail a great deal of pain to her bad knee! Abigail grits her teeth in agony, and clutches her bad leg, as Taya comes over and presses his knee down right across her throat, using the ropes for leverage! 

Abigail once again tries to crawl for her empty corner, the camera panning down to Syn, who had just barely started to move on the outside, the Poisoned Prince now also leaking blood from his forehead. Taya catches Abigail with an elbow to the back of the head, keeping her grounded for the time being. Taya lifts Abigail up, and tries to lift her up for a Suplex, but Abigail blocks it, before rolling Taya into a small package! Shoulders are down, Syn and Abigail could steal it here!

1….2… Kickout!

Taya manages to kick out, and immediately gets back to her feet, dropping Abigail with a clothesline! Abigail and Syn were big, but Taya was a powerhouse in her own right, and boy did she hit like one. Taya grabs Abigail’s bad leg, holding it up, before dropping an elbow down onto it, causing Abigail even more agony. Taya then began to twist the leg, trying to cause Abigail even more pain, and maybe convince her to tap out. While that wasn’t likely, it was clear Taya and Johnny had done their homework for tonight, and knew how to pick Syn and Abigail apart. Taya continued to wrench back on Abigail’s leg, putting her in even more pain, and looking to make it so that Abigail couldn’t stand on that leg. If you can’t stand, you can’t fight, it doesn’t matter who you are. Abigail reaches up and starts digging her nails into Taya’s face, digging her claws in until Taya lets her go, but before she can do anything else, Taya makes the tag to Johnny. Taya and Johnny each grab a leg, before wishboning Abigail, causing her to sit up in agony. Johnny shoves her back down to the mat, and makes another cover!

1….2… Kickout!

Abigail out at two again, Syn finally back on the apron as Johnny traps Abigail into a headlock. Abigail fights back to her feet and starts catching Johnny with a couple of stiff elbows to the sternum, forcing Johnny off of her, before Abigail sends Johnny into the ropes, and catches him on the rebound, planting Johnny with Wrath of the Gods! Abigail into the cover! 

1…2… Broken up!

Taya Valkyrie charges into the ring and drops an elbow down across the back of Abigail’s neck, breaking the pin up! Taya catches Abigail with a couple of boots to the head, ignoring referee Jake Clemons, before he tosses Abigail aside, and drags Johnny back to his team’s corner, tagging himself in, before getting back into the ring, and laying into Abigail in the corner with a couple of boots to the midsection. Suddenly, though, noticing Syn had finally got back on the apron awakened something in Abigail, as she began hammering away at Taya with a couple of stiff right hands, before Abigail CRUSHES Taya with a Big Boot! Taya sits up from the impact, and there’s a far, far away look in her eyes, as he slowly falls to his back. There’s a good chance if you asked him right now, Taya has no idea we’re in Akron. Abigail begins crawling for her corner, and, perhaps as a shock to many, Syn’s actually reaching out his hand, looking for a tag! Abigail gets to her corner, and makes the tag, Syn is legal! Johnny gets the tag from Taya and charges into the ring and tries to cut Syn off, only to get LEVELED by a lariat from the Poisoned Prince! Syn watches as Taya gets to her feet, and drops her with a lariat as well, before Syn sees Johnny trying to get up in the corner, charging in, and crashing into Johnny with a Stinger Splash! Syn lifts Johnny up onto his shoulders, and, turning to see Taya still down, Syn drops Johnny onto Taya with a Death Valley Driver! Syn then grabs Johnny, and tosses him into the corner, before whipping Taya into him, inadvertently causing Taya to Cannonball her own partner! Syn decides to head up top!

Syn sets his feet on the top rope, before measuring, leaping off, and crashing down on both Taya and Johnny with a Front Flip Van Terminator! Syn drags them both out of the corner, and goes over to his corner, tagging in Abigail, as both of them get up to their feet and shitcan Taya Valkyrie out of the ring, before grabbing Johnny Mayhem, lifting him up, and planting him with Farewell, Mona Lisa! Goodnight, Johnny Mayhem! Abigail & Syn both lay across Johnny for the cover, sharing a kiss as Clemons counts three!

1….2….3!

“Here are your winners, The Fallen!”