#we're basically the same person at this point
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I totally think Code lyoko should have it's talked about reboot, mostly because
- when it came to Carthage, the most canon explanation from Franz himself, the explanation only lasts about 1 minute and 25 seconds, and nothing else comes of it
Sure, we knew why Xana was created, but like, Franz never really said Xana stopped it as it was his main intended purpose, why Xana was made to begin with, so like, that's a real issue in canon consitering Franz wanted to stop the project but never got to consitering Xana gained autonomy and all
And like, Carthage was kind of hinted at to be a bad thing too, you'd think that could be a real issue in universe
- spent 3 whole seasons building on this one character only not to do much with it at all and give him a really bad rep in universe afterwards
Okay, you know me, I like William an abnormal amount, but with all things considered, he wasn't a character to begin with, neither was a plot device imo
Yeah, he absolutely has no personality, argue with the wall if you need to
So like, yeah, he got posessed, but then what? Sure he was used to try to throw Aelita into the Digital sea, but like, tarantulas could do the same thing with those long ass arms, they could just use them as bats
And you've literally seen megatanks push her closer to the digital sea when she used a energy field as a sheild of sorts, so really, what was the point of him to begin with of other monsters could do the same thing no problem
And after a whole season of dawdling around, the writers rushed the whole "set him free" arc after ignoring it for basically the whole season, like there wasn't any episodes besides cold sweat where the characters actively try to break him free, you'd think there would be a little more give from the characters considering how #depressed Yumi was
(and yes, I know the show says, "I made ___ program" but let us see the FAILURE!!!!)
Even then, when he came back, the characters all decide "fuck this, you ain't shit to me" and dropkick him back to his life without any support, like dude lost months of his life without something he either remembers or blanked out on
- character writing in season four
Okay, this isn't really a reason why, it's more of saying "Why did you make your characters worse, we deserve better"
Because Odd in season four just became an absolutely terrible person, man
Constantly throwing his freinds under the bus just for some scheme he pulled or literally abusing the fact that he knows about Lyoko as a point to say to the others "This is why we're friends!!!1!@1!!" Even though at this point their friendship is downright terrible, like to the point where they just want to get Lyoko dealed with so they can fall apart like a poorly put together cup with scotch taped all over it
Imo nobody seemed to like each other as opposed to season 1 and 2 where they talked casually, like they had an actual friendship going on, not like "so, what's new on Lyoko, I want this shit dealt with today..." they were actual friends who did stuff together and had fun, I miss that :<
Anyways that was a more personal take, but season 4 just leaves a bad taste in my mouth with that rushed ending of theirs
Uhm oops, this was a long rant of what I dislike about the show, I was supposed to make this post simply to tell you guys what I'd propose for a continuation
Here's what I'd do:
Consitering Carthage was an abandoned idea from the depths of season 2, we build on that again
I'm imagining a non-terribly written Evo mixed with the chronicles, like bitch I actually love the idea of Ulrichs dad being tied in with Carthage simply because like, it would make so much sense (absolutely don't pull a chronicles though making EVREYONES mothers under the sun being tied in, that was stupid)
I'm also thinking, the antagonist we have is still a program, but it isn't Xana like in main series
Sure, they're simular, but it's a remnant from Carthage that has the same ideas as Xana, but worse (this is all first draft, but that's like the main idea that could work)
Also, give Will and actual personality this time, not just this "I'm soooooo sad" attitude that any traumatized character has, he has the potential to be COMPLEX!!!!
Kids cartoons nowadays are getting complex so don't say "Oh no they can't, it's a kids cartoon"
Anyways I'm hoping they build off of Carthage because that would be a PERFECT continuation aauaghh
Enjoy (?) My unexpected rant, idk
#code lyoko#extremely hot takes with ideas#sorry if I said something you don't like but thats how I feel#also make Sissi a cool character too#I dont want her to be this bratty bitch#give me nice sissi moments#william dunbar#odd della robbia#aelita schaeffer#ulrich stern#yumi ishiyama
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Episode 19
SERIOUS SPOILERS in this one, jfc do NOT read ahead if you have not already watched ep 19!! 😭😭
Wait where did all the other demons go? We only saw Li Lun let one out and leave with her.
"You're the reason I have nothing" says Li Lun??
Ooooh Li Lun killed all the people keeping the demons in cages... and the "fight" we saw a glimpse of earlier was Zhu Yan stopping Li Lun from killing one more person.
So Zhu Yan was trying to stop Li Lun from indiscriminate killing, which would surely get him in trouble, and Li Lun saw it as Zhu Yan putting humans over demons and protecting people who had hurt demons...
Oh SHIT!! Oh wait! That flare of power when he stopped him was NOT intentional! It was the ever-burning fire branch that was absorbed into Zhu Yan.... and Li Lun is a fucking tree demon! He accidentally kinda set him on fire?
He didn't mean to hurt you Li Lun, just to stop you from killing!
Shit he killed the clinic patients, not even the bad guys who imprisoned the demons. As I said, indiscriminate killing. But as far as Li Lun is concerned, all humans are the same, all are guilty...
Okay point of order, how come Li Lun calls him Zhao Yuanzhou in these flashbacks? Cos I thought he only got given that name by the Baize Goddess, and I thought he only started spending time with her later on, when he was mired in sadness? The Zhu Yan in these scenes is still young and (relatively) carefree?
Uh, your Zhuo Yichen fanboy is showing Zhu Yan...
Ayyy gang to the rescue!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! What the fuck did you do to my baby boy?!!!
Divine power?! Is Bai Jiu part-god? Is he like Ying Lei and half-demon, half-god?
Ugh, Zhu Yan telling the others to get Bai Jiu to safety and confronting Li Lun alone... except he is NOT alone because Zhou Yichen stayed with him!
Oh dang. Well, she wasn't wrong that Li Lun would want to torture her in front of Zhu Yan.
Ooooh so he WAS trying to curse her and control her into hating Zhu Yan.
Another thing I love about this drama is the realism... which sounds daft to say about a very much fantasy drama but what I mean is bits like this... when the script/story calls for a character to get wet/be submerged in water... they actually DO it. There's no CGI/fake underwater scenes, and no actors with hair and clothing that has basically just been spritzed so it is barely damp... they actually get them properly submerged and wet.
Yes boi, use that ice water power!!
Damn boy, you so fucken cool...
Oooh he cut him with a blade coated in his own blood... and therefore malicious energy...
"I now carry blood with malicious energy"... meaning.. he didn't before? Or just... his malicious qi levels weren't previously high enough that it infected his blood too? I mean... Li Lun obviously knew about him absorbing malicious qi, hence the whole blood moon plot...
Oh fucking GO Wen Xiao!!
Took that fucker by complete surprise and swiped his weapon right out of his hands!!
Smash it! See how he fucking likes it!
Okay that was dumb, you decided to try and use it instead.
Oooh we saw that earlier when he escaped after the seal was broken - the skin on his arm is turning woodlike...
Yup... as I had surmised... Zhu Yan accidentally damaged him with the ever-burning fire back then... and because he is a tree demon... the fire of that burn has never gone out. He's been burning in agony ever since.
Aaaaaand that's another nice helping of guilt for Zhu Yan, who no matter how he tries seems to keep hurting people due to things that are out of his control...
Oh shiiiiit so being sealed by the baize token actually controlled the fire from the ever-burning wood. Otherwise he would have burned to ashes.
So if she hadn't sealed him, he'd be dead. And now that the seal is broken... he is burning again...
Wait up is he actually burning up right now? Like he's gonna die now? With 13 eps left?
Jfc give Hou Minghao ALL the fucking acting awards!!
So... the big bad is dead and gone? And we're only just over half way through.
So... am guessing the plot will now revolve around how to avert the two impending disasters of:
the wilderness collapsing if the baize token cannot be repaired; and
Zhu Yan destroying the human world when he inevitably loses control of the malicious qi.
Oh and here comes Chongwu fucking camp to join the party...
Oh so the bowl had the Yao water in it? But now it's polluted with blood...
I wouldn't necessarily believe what Li Lun said dude...
Yeah keep telling yourself that babes....
Oh wait, I hadn't realised it was Chongwu Camp AND Demon Hunting Bureau together?!
And let me guess, the purpose behind this unprecedented cordial entente is... to kill Zhu Yan?
Oh, arrest him is it? So your guy can then kill him and take his core.
Pleeeeeease tell me Demon Hunting Bureau isn't gonna sign off on this shit?
Since when is Sijing the Prime Minister's representative?
Also, Wen Xiao, sweetie, you should NOT be relying on Sijing to back you up... she's a fucking mole for Chongwu Camp!!
Aaaand there it is.
Uuuuuh okay... so mum is not dead? And yeah... there sure is a lot to explain to your kid fella... like how the fuck he's got divine power?!!
Can't see how Chongwu Camp's prison could hold Zhu Yan any better than Demon Hunting Bureau's if he really wanted to leave? (Am not seeing any demon-power suppressing charms). So I guess for the moment he doesn't want to leave...
Oh my, has our boy Yichen finally managed to acknowledge that things aren't quite so simple as black and white?
He sure fucking is!
I'm... starting to wonder if the dude behind the mask is gonna turn out to be... said prime minister?
Ooooh I stand corrected, they did put a bunch of suppressing tokens in his cell....
(Ngl my whumper's heart is still kinda hoping he will get injured/tortured whilst his powers are suppressed.... come on Chongwu Camp... do this one thing for me... )
Oh shiiiiiiit the Prime Minister is the "scholar" who attacked the dragon mountain god. He's had it out for demons since the start!!
Uhhhh that's a new look for Wen Xiao?!! I'm gonna guess this is a demon pretending to be her? Perhaps the same one that was doing the same in Li Lun's dream world?
Oh MAN, he were go again with flashback city!! And Zhu Yan has fucking known from the start that Sijing was a Chongwu spy and has used it against them!!
Oohhhh those fuckers lied to her that her brother was still alive and tried to use that as leverage - not knowing that she already knew for certain he was definitely dead.
So she's been pretending to be their mole all this time... to help Zhu Yan find out what they are up to.
Ahhhhh fucking epic!!
So Chongwu camp has been using demons for research... just like the clinic Li Lun and Zhu Yan busted all those years ago?
Okay wait I am CONFUSED. It was only 8 years ago that he and Li Lun busted the clinic? And that's what Li Lun was sealed for (so he's only been sealed for 8 years?) and that's when Zhu Yan wigged out under the blood moon?
So... Zhu Yan had already been hanging out with baize goddess long before that? And been given her brother's name?
But was also visiting the mortal world with Li Lun, seemingly carefree? So this hairstyle...
and this....
were a matter of maybe days apart? Was the grey hairstyle just something he used for visiting the mortal world with Li Lun? But we also saw him with that hairstyle being reprimanded by Ying Zhao for visiting the mortal world when he hadn't fully mastered malicious qi, which I had assumed was when he was much younger? Which is why I had assumed the grey plaited hairstyle indicated younger Zhu Yan? But I guess not?
Oh damn... mystery mask dude is... Xiao Bai's master? Ngl I did NOT fucking see that coming!
And he's been experimenting on demons all this time?
Has... has he experimented on Xiao Bai? Is that why he has divine power and was worried when asked if he was a demon? Have this fucker used demon/divine blood on him?
Oh FUCK and that's why he wants Zhu Yan's core! For his experiments!! A great demon's core!
Ohhh fuck that doesn't sound good...
I think this might be a trap...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHAT
THE
FUCK?!!
NO! Noooooooooo!!! Not my baby Xiao Jiu!!
I AM NOT OKAY!!!
#fangs of fortune#episode 19#liveblogging... kinda#noooooo#i am crying#how could you do this to me show?!!!
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it feels like a lot of people have given up on fully connecting ISWM/Engie Mark to the wider lore (aka WKM) since IRL Mark straight up told us he wasn't Actor.
but not only am i a stubborn son of a bitch, but yknow what Mark also said?
"Engineer Mark isn't Actor Mark, but Actor Mark just might be Engineer Mark."
so hear me out, y'all.
preamble; if you saw this in a yt comment section, no you didn't. (that was also me i didnt steal this i prommy-)
i have this entirely insane theory about iswm that Engineer Mark is actually Damien, but only sometimes.
the most obvious places i can spot him is in the abandoned ship with the candles ("captain needs their sleep" and whatnot), as Old Mark (specifically in the empty diner), and most definitely as the "Mark" we see as part of the finale, the one who realizes he was wrong.
Actor is allergic to admitting fault so I Don't Believe That's Him.
this explains the thematic focus on sleep and rest in these scenes, things told to Damien and told to US by DARK several times.
("Don't remember" anyone?)
speaking of Dark, it explains why he isn't there. we DO however see the suspiciously Darkiplier-esqe Ms. Whitacre, which it isn't controversial to say atp is CLEARLY Celine.
that is, until the universe does its final kablooey and Dark as we know him, Damien attributes and all, comes to take the warp-crystal.
and besides, think about it.
given Actor's whole goal in all this, as laid out in the Damien Project, do you REALLY think he would write a story in which all problems arise from HIS OWN NEGLIGENCE? NO!
that would make him a villain, and all he ever wants is to be portrayed as the hero, literally for eternity!
but you know what i think he would do? set up a farce for the most troublesome of his "co-stars".
you, the viewer, want genuine choices? you want to have some real control over the story? some responsibility? FINE.
everyone looks to you, but under your leadership everything goes wrong, no matter what. you don't know why, but you're actively villinized and the harder you try to go back and fix things, achieve an "ending" on your own, the more people HATE you. the more the thought that maybe there IS something wrong with you specifically will stick in your mind as a possibility.
all these options, but none of them "right", creating MORE suffering instead of fixing it just to find that ever elusive end.
damien wants control of the narrative? he wants his old friend, you, the District Attorney to be released from his eternal story and given back to him? FINE.
here's his role back in earnest, given the possibility to engage and choose instead of intrude and twist like usual.
(yes, i do think Damien/Engineer is genuinely going down his own hopeless path while we find our own. in one of the descriptions leading to the final "Hold On/Let Go" confrontation, it says "you're not the only one making choices. you're not alone, you never were".)
he is allowed to fight for the safety of others, side by side with his closest companion, just as they did when they were alive.
BUT, the twist is Damien becomes a genuine villain. in his quest to do the altruistic thing and help at all cost, he is personally responsible for the death of LITERALLY EVERYONE EVER.
this is a personal hell for someone like Damien, as seen from WKM, all he ever seemed to want was help others and guide them towards peace.
for his actions/leadership to fail so unthinkably catastrophically, seems like the exact hell a bitter Actor would want to subject his "old friend" to for meddling. :/
Actor sets the stage for a theatrical punishment game. Mayor and Attorney, together again, taking an impossibly long stay in a personally crafted hell for the horrendous crime of ever even thinking they'd be worthy of ✨️staring roles✨️.
Actor turns you two against each other, and once Damien is brough down to the depths of despair and you have finally learned that true responsibility can lead to catastrophic, painful results, we're brought back to our proper places.
you go to a proper ending, with the Engineer role now being played by Actor once and for all, and Damien once again becomes part of Darkiplier, pocketing the warp-crystal to plant on the box in Heist.
Engineer isn't Actor, it's a role he plays when it suits him and his goals, to make his enemies suffer. he's willing to be Damien's understudy, if only for this purpose.
but at the end of the journey, Actor becomes Engineer to take in the fruits of his labor. ..and maybe invite you to a Heist while he's at it.
BUT HEY, THAT'S JUST A
very long winded """theory""" that is pretty much only insane fanfiction-
#this makes perfect sense in my own head and thats all that matters to me#mark returns to tumblr to tell me personally that im wrong lmao#NO THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY#yall i rewatched the damien film after i wrote this and when he said “aye aye cap'n” my eyes popped out of my head like in a looney tunes#took all of my strength to not add that to my points bc its so flimsy but goddammit if its not in my hcs now#ramblings#markiplier#iswm#iswm theory#head engineer mark#engineer mark#mayor damien#wkm damien#darkiplier#in space with markiplier#yes this relies on other theories like “adventure viewer is the da” but thats basically canon atp#could go on abt how the capns ordeal kinda mirrors the actors journey to do “the right thing” while also fucking everything up at every tur#obviously we're more benevolent. but im certain the actor thinks the same of himself#hes just like “you have no idea how hard it is being so handsome and misunderstood :'( this is just a TASTE of my pain!!”#then i punch him in the face 10 million times#engie mark
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*noises of sheer delight* Okay, responding in order:
Bri is having A Time. I am also having A Time but so far I have not time-travelled and have remained firmly in possession of my body at all times.
Ah, that was a somewhat unclear figure of speech. We each caused an explosion which brought down a room on top of us. And then passed out for somewhere from 18 to 28 hours. I think we were both rescued from severe injury by other people.
Glad I could provide context for what minders are!
Coming up with non-spoilery ways to describe my boys while still conveying the important information was so much fun.
And now for your formal questions:
Our minders are NOT the same. We both have Atticus, but Bri has not met Sock Police and I have not met the mysterious A.T. This also answers the next bullet point - I know all these peoples' names, and Bri knows her guys' names, but since neither of us knows all the other's characters, we're using nicknames to avoid accidentally spoiling each other about characters we haven't met yet. Atticus, we both know, so I use his name in public posts.
Not all characters we meet become minders, but I definitely am acquiring them at a surprising rate. Atticus is also the Dumb Trauma Baby. I nicknamed him mostly for fun, because Bri and I both already knew him.
Statue rolls the dice whenever someone tries to perform an action. I would roll dice for myself but I don't have a d100.
Morwen tripped over the menu in a metaphorical fashion - she accidentally did the thing that shows you your character's stats.
All the characters can see their stats, to the best of my knowledge. However, while Morwen knows she's in a world that works like a video game, for the characters whose world it is, this is just how things work and they would probably be very confused if she even tried to explain what video games are.
RP takes place over Tumblr chat!
Basically, spoilers are anything that would give the other player significant information about a person or situation she hasn't encountered and change how she reacts to it. At least, that's how I've been treating them. I haven't been entirely successful in avoiding spoilers, but I think I've mostly managed.
Morwen...does not entirely know. And what she does know might be a spoiler, so I'll be mysterious about this one. ;-)
You are most welcome! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to ramble about my boys and the general chaos!
alright, I'll bite: what is terrafell
A video game world that sucked our main character into it in order to defeat the great evil known as the Enlightening One.
I've been worldbuilding for it for a year and a half, and was ready to start writing the book only to realize I had zero idea for a plot so Winter and Bri have been role-playing with me to help me come up with one.
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Had the extremely upsetting experience of a mutual of like 6 years going off on me for occasionally making posts about supporting Harris because apparently that makes me a g n cide denier who refuses to learn and grow, with all of my views just being assumed not even from what I've told them I believe or what I've posted before, but just because I DON'T post particularly the kind of things they THINK I should be. When I pointed out how much they were just completely assuming about stuff I'd never talked to them about, I was told it doesn't matter what I do in real life or "care" about if I simply disagree with their conclusion and vote for her anyway. Like they were absolutely not sorry for the level of maliciousness they not just assumed of my character, but for some reason thought appropriate to bring directly to me before unfollowing me. No apology whatsoever for how discomforting or upsetting that might be and certainly no acknowledgment that I could disagree with them and still be a good person. I just got another even longer rant about how they fundamentally can't fuck with me because of this one thing, no matter WHAT else I do in my real life (which I pointed out that they do not know), and how I'm directly supporting fascism.
Like seriously what is it about Tumblr that makes people think they know someone based off of occasional posts? There were just such DEEP assumptions they were making of me and going off of very little or absolutely nothing. Around the time I first became mutuals with that person I used to express my personality and beliefs and talk about what was going on in my life a lot more openly, but I've significantly scaled back on doing that in many ways for many reasons. One of my major ones is privacy and the way I've had strangers outside my followers and following circles just find random things I say and dogpile me for it. I was fundamentally changed after some T Fs did that to me like 3 years ago. I also just didn't have many conversations w that person anymore (I message people in general on here like 10x less than I did circa 2018-2019, which I'm somewhat sorry about!). My point is to say I think this person felt comfortable assuming that they knew me, especially who I am in 2024 at the age of 25, much better than they actually did.
One of the specific things they accused me of was being afraid of learning and growing (because I don't perform social media activism on here like they think I should). Like AFRAID to take criticism. When again I've never received criticism from them or had to respond to any criticism on here before as pertaining to my views on... well, absolutely any of the issues they accused me of not caring about. They essentially treated it as if the only thing in the world I cared about was the US election and characterized me as the most out-of-touch liberal they could possibly imagine, because I'm not "pushing" Kamala Harris to be better (Oh?? Should I do that on here?? Does she read my blog??).
And most hypocritically what they said was that I only *sometimes* *vaguely* post pro-Harris things (I often post like 5 or fewer things in a day though?). But here's the kicker. "Because I know I'll get shit for it. And rightfully so."
Really????? Not a single person, anon or not, in my messages or in a tagged post or anything, has ever given me shit before for saying who I'm voting for. I'm actually NOT afraid of "getting shit" for that opinion, I just don't start fights with people who are anti-voting. And why should I??? I genuinely don't believe in trying to change the minds of strangers on the internet about that sort of thing. I'm just not confrontational about it; that is so not the same thing as being "afraid of getting shit." I'm not posting ENOUGH about my support for Harris, therefore I'm afraid. But therefore they can also make all these assumptions about me being their strawman for an ignorant Harris supporter.
I'm afraid of getting shit but I still post anyway? But if I weren't afraid of getting shit I'd be posting a lot more?? This is ALL based on their assumptions of what my blog *should* look like, based on what I really and truly believe. My level of posting every now and then is an accurate gauge of my feelings on complex, sensitive, global issues. Because I'm voting for the Democratic presidential candidate and I'm ok sharing pretty much just that little glimpse of myself.
I really don't think that person knows just how inappropriate and insulting that is to just say all of that to me. Like they really know what's going on in my head. Their first message began and ended with like "I'm sorry I love you I just can't take it anymore" but they clearly weren't sorry enough to try and be more respectful to me, and they didn't love me enough not to default to extremely ungenerous assumptions and attacking me based off of those instead of any actual words I've said that they take issue with.
Online radicalization is real and it's not necessarily bad because your political views can start to fall well out of the contemporary Overton window. The way you find it appropriate to treat people whose views, however common, seem to fundamentally misalign with yours... that does matter. You can't just assume the worst of everyone and then act on that in how you approach them as individuals. And then be shocked that you don't stay friends with them. You can't be confrontational with someone about an issue you've never had an honest conversation about, and then expect them to take your bad faith in them as reasonable well-meaning criticism.
I'm afraid of criticism??? I'm afraid of criticism. No I'm not. This person and I have never had an issue before where they criticized me and I got harshly defensive. It was ALL projection. The entire tone of their messages was as if all their anti-voting posts recently were somehow in communication with the occasional go-vote-for-Harris posts that I make. That's not a conversation. I don't post for your satisfaction. I don't post in "response" to my mutuals I disagree with. I just post what's on my mind, sometimes, about some things. I really again can't stress enough how baffled I am by this
#tales from diana#long post#this is not really a post about voting this is a post about online etiquette#i also remember that this person at one point when we were teenagers had a crush on me#so they might have somewhat idealized me or maybe just had respect for the good times#good conversations we had over the years etc#i still held them in regard even though some of their anti-voting posts i took serious issue w#again i really don't care to argue w ppl against voting bc really i mainly only disagree w that one conclusion#the systemic critiques that were made in those posts i don't think make them bad ppl#i sympathize w why someone might think that way#i just cannot pretend that i think nothing changes if we have dt as president again#i can't act as if im not anxious at the state of the world we're in where we're seriously at risk of that#i don't have that same level of concern about harris. i don't. i don't think theyre the same#i think they diverge in so many meaningful ways but im usually not writing detailed long thoughtful posts about it#do i have to??? for TUMBLR?? id rather not...#but i don't wish to be confronted as if these are nuances i MUST not hold in my opinion#can't stress enough they were basically calling me a g n cide denier like that's just a cool ok thing to do#i have literally never made a post about ppl not voting for harris bc of the war in gaza#i specifically haven't not because im 'afraid' but bc i don't believe in comparing those 2 things#there was gonna be a presidential election this year anyway and there does not have to be this war#if u think dems aren't doing well enough on the war for u to vote for them. i can't argue w u#but i was always going to vote anyway#again im afraid of getting shit?? ONLY this person has EVER given me shit until now#im not pushing harris enough? how tf do u know that? bc im not reblogging ill-informed posts from ppl like u?#im not PUSHING this woman running for president enough bc im not writing critical posts she and her advisers will never see#about how im threatening to withhold my vote from them. something id never honestly do considering the opposition#they kept stressing to me to about how they weren't a trump supporter when *i* never said as much to them#i do agree that not voting for harris 'supports' trump in that it benefits him overall#but i don't attack ppl who just aren't voting in that way. ok?#damn i hate being on the defensive like this
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We ought to write more Pokemon fic some time. We want to recreate the Pokemon Manners/Human Manners cheat sheet that we made a few years ago we think that this site would like the Sliding Scale Of Politeness When Greeting A New Pokemon You've Never Met Before.
#we speak#writing#we grew up with pmd games and we feel like the way that pmd pokemon's dialogue tends to be excessively... direct?#should be a feature and not a bug when any pokemon that you meet might be totally unfamiliar with your species and biology#it's probably very polite to start up front with some basic facts about yourself so they know how to act going forward#the very upfront feel to dialogue also very much helps with keeping the dialogue feel more... pokemon#people mock the series for weird npc dialogue a lot but we think that taking these things literally makes for more fun society building#it doesn't all have to fit with socially acceptable for our world we think. polite in our world isn't even consistent by household.#sometimes a polite interaction sounds like “hello! i'm poochyena! i like to chase people and bite!”#name and immediately socially useful information. now you know about the chasing people and biting so you don't assume it's rude#of course poochyena bites and chases people. it likes to do that. you can say you don't like that and it might stop doing that to You#but it will not stop biting and chasing people because that's what it likes to do and it will probably only befriend people okay with that#it makes a very specific dialogue feel that's very fun to do. we like how the pokemon world tends to treat any sort of like#disability or “weird” things as something that you just say out the gate and everyones like “oh okay”#and then treat that as Part Of Interactions going forwards. there are a surprising amount of parts of the pokemon manga#that are dedicated to working around a character's disability after one or all of their means of dealing with it get taken out#admittedly we aren't that caught up on newer content but we find the way that it tends to be just Accepted as very refreshing#making the dialogue this direct does also tend to make it read as more “childish” in english and particular because a lot of Maturity's jus#learning how to dance around what you're saying or phrase it in different ways to get your idea across differently#whereas here everything is just as direct as possible. “i don't like charmander”. “i like roasting berries”. “i want to dig things up”.#all pokemon dialogue tends to go towards being exceedingly simple and it makes for some very distinct writing#especially when you have to tackle complex situations with characters who probably dont employ that sort of vocabulary#though we personally enjoy doing this sort of stuff your mileage may vary ofc#we are biased towards this sort of thins because we find it MUCH more fun to build up what we're talking about from blocks#than to like. try and use more indirect wording that may lose things in translation#unfortunately this is not fun in irl conversation. everyone has to be on the same page and you need to use the same playbook to communicate#we REALLY wish people said what they meant though. we're really tired of being asked shit like “is this accessible”#when what they mean is “can you climb these stairs” a question which depends on the day our energy level and how things have been going#there are a lot of things we could say that would make us feel like some sort of anti sjw type guy and a lot of em boil down to just#"for the love of god dont dance around a Sensitive Topic just get to the point and ask us about it this just makes things harder for everyo
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"I know you keep saying you're doing stuff to help your mental health, and I know you try to track your moods and have a routine and stuff but you really need to try harder to not get so stressed about things" bestie when I say I'm trying to help my mental health, yeah I'm doing that stuff, but I'm also:
using DBT techniques to improve my emotional regulation, which takes a lot of energy because I have to focus on taking a step back and doing that while experiencing strong emotions that make that hard
actively unlearning unhealthy coping mechanisms and trying to replace them with healthier reactions to things, which once again requires catching myself doing stuff while experiencing strong emotions that make it harder to think rationally
working through shit like core beliefs to figure out why I act in certain ways and then challenge those beliefs to slowly fix things from the ground up (have you ever dug into core beliefs? it's a great way to end up sobbing for 2 hours straight while half your life suddenly clicks together and makes sense in a way it never had before)
basically improvising exposure therapy for various triggers because I don't have access to actual therapy so I've gotta DIY this shit if I actually want to get better at handling my triggers
having to work through processing years of trauma, abuse, etc, most of which gets brought up randomly and then I have to deal with it whether I'm in a good place to do that or not
and a whole bunch of other exhausting shit I can't remember off the top of my head because I'm brain foggy and have a migraine right now
and I'm having to do all this on top of repeatedly getting so ill I can't keep up with basic chores and experience the kind of symptoms and pain levels people would normally go to the hospital for on a daily basis and just having to try and carry on as normal anyway because I have no other choice, not to mention all the various stressors piling up in the background that I'm having to process and deal with.
"you need to try harder to not get stressed about things" says the person who won't even begin working on their own deeply unhealthy behaviours that negatively effect everyone around them because "that's a lot of work and I don't want to have to do all that"
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#had a deeply infuriating conversation earlier and this comment was just one little thing in the middle of that shitshow#but it has really driven home the point that people don't realise that when I say we're doing a lot to manage our mental health#I mean we're having to teach ourselves healthy coping mechanisms and emotional regulation#while in an amount of pain that would have a lot of people in the ER screaming that the staff because they can't regulate shit in that stat#and then also being thrown straight into intensely triggering and stressful situations that we can't get out of and just have to deal with#like yeah actually I've seen how ''normal'' people react to the pain of a dislocated rib#and I know that on a daily basis for the last month I've been in significantly more pain that I get from dislocated ribs#quite frankly it would be perfectly understandable if I just laid on the floor and screamed for several hours a day#but instead I'm criticised if I can't regulate my emotions to the same level as a mentally healthy person who isn't in pain#regardless of how much effort I'm actually putting in#and the fact that it's basically impossible to regulate your emotions properly when you're in this much pain#the fact that I'm still using DBT techniques and taking a step back to figure out how to handle emotions in a healthy way#is quite frankly a fucking miracle but it's still gonna get treated like I'm doing the bare minimum
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help I'm having a case of "game got out, many complicated feelings, beer in a dingey hotel room by the highway on my own", we'll get through it but I might cry about it a little bit at some point
#thoughts#personal#these moments always make me ponder on the relationship of gamedevs and the audience regarding fandom and criticism#because it's sooo complicated#very often you will agree with the criticism wholeheartedly#perhaps in many ways the audience has not picked up (yet or at all because some information is just kinda out of reach)#but to see that criticism casually dropped on your lap by people who are... basically tourists to a situation you fought tooth and nail for#that can afford to say “this thing sucks haha lol” and move away and never think twice about it#it does hurt#it does hurt even when you agree and you'd be even more critical of the same thing#you're like “cool haha sorry you don't like the end result”#“me neither tho fun fact btw this exact thing you're describing was my tipping point into a major mental health crisis"#“but I guess you'll never know about that!!”#“so fun and cool have a nice day I'll handle your casual “End Result Bad Lol” emotionally in some way eventually”#(which is why I think good in-depth criticism is actually MORE cathartic for devs than shallower “well that kinda sucked”)#(but that's just me I think most of my colleagues would disagree)#cw mental health#might delete at some point because we're in dubious territory nda-wise even if I'm being vague#but UHHH yeah#yea yea yea
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the apartment we looked at today was really bad - like, one room was missing half the flooring and they (the landlord) just put carpet over it. luckily it was only the current tenant there, though - she told us about the landlord and that she's... not great. so even if the apartment had been decent we wouldn't have been interested after that.
#it also helped us further narrow down which places/villages we'll consider from now on#it's basically just down to three places now.#and they're the same ones we would have preferred the last two times we moved.#but damn I'm just really not willing to go through all this work again just to end up in *another* shitty village that I know I won't#really like.#I'd rather stay with my mother for a couple months if it means we find a good place.#(it'd have to be my mother and not my in-laws because we're pretty sure they wouldn't want our cats in their house. so)#like it'd SUCK but I can. not. keep moving somewhere new every fucking year#especially since it takes me a year to start feeling sort of at home#we've been thinking we *might* be able to start thinking about maybe possibly mayyybe buying a house at some point. if I find a job and if#it's one that pays enough and so on.#and we would really rather not move again until we can do that.#(if we can. it's only a very vague idea at this point. but we've realised it's the *only* way we'd actually feel fully comfortable somewher#we're bad at living in a house with other people 🙃)#(and there are *no* houses for rent that aren't absolutely huge and/or way too expensive)#personal
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...well i had a post in my drafts about how i wish instead of blaming "the mouse" for disney's problems and saying "i want the mouse dead" or whatever, people would directly name and blame bob chapek since mickey mouse is a fictional character and hating him is meaningless while chapek is disney's CEO and is the actual human being (if you can even call him that) who's responsible for the company's most recent evils. but now that iger's back idk if there's any reason to post it.
#like i guess the basic point is still the same#i want people to know the name of the person responsible for the shit we're mad about#and hold him accountable instead of a fictional character#but half the post was basically a list of heinous things bob chapek did#not that bob iger is great either lmao but i don't wanna rewrite it
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not much i can do about or with people who have a fundamental misunderstanding of reality.
#mood#vent#we're clearly never gonna reach a middle ground here. i can tell you what it is a million times and it wont matter bc you've already#dug your heels in. and theres no way for us to healthily interact after that point. bc in many ways you perpetuate the abuse my abuser#put me through and *wants* other people to put me through. consciously or not.#and i cant just keep subjecting myself to people like that.#i hope some day you actually realize what your doing and actually try to like... be a better person n all but like until then you're just#gonna keep convincing yourself that abusing me and isolating me is morally just in some way. and i think i deserve better than that now.#i dont mean this to sound snarky tho ik its gonna come off that way but im genuinely sorry that you believe lies so easily.#bc ik what its like to struggle with that and not knowing what reality is so you just conclude something and not want to think about it#bc you never know whos telling the truth. if there was some way i could just *SHOW* you that im telling the truth I would but obviously#i cant. i just hope you believing those lies doesnt end you up in a shittier situation. or at least that the veil will eventually be lifted#i know how convincing they are and thats why im basically begging and pleading with you to be fucking careful#think whatever you're gonna think about me to confirm your bias's or whatever tf idc but at least fucking be careful around them.#at least fucking heed my fucking warning a little bit. it might save you from going through the same shit i did.#i mean- i do care. it hurts obviously. but i dont care enough to try to control and stop you is what i mean.
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roommate's partially blind(?) female turtle keeps doing this today to elevate her basking game
#it's possible it's a mating thing but they're both very young and again she's female so. less likely to me than#that she was like 'oh sweet more rock im gonna be so tall' but im also not a turtle expert#note: this turns into a rant about these turtles' conditions like 4 tags in#ive never seen her do this before#also don't blame me for the tub setup roomie straight up Does Not Know what she's doing at all#im trying to nudge her into like. proper care and stuff right. and trying to make sure they don't die#and with some things it's more an issue of being able to get the proper supplies rather than not knowing#but i told her to get a bulb that. yk. actually gives off heat (again) and gave her an approximate wattage yesterday#and i found out today that she was planning on getting a regular light bulb witt that wattage#i had to explain to her that heat bulbs exist and you shouldn't like. pick a bulb not designed for heating To Heat just bc it has the same#wattage. head in my hands i want to keep this lighthearted but it's kind of extremely distressing to me tbqh#did she not research at all before getting them?? she's had them for at least a year how has she not wondered why her turtle's eyes don't#open??? etc???? and she just lets them chill in an open tupperware and though she chastises rascal for swatting at them#she's gone like 18 hours of the day so it's not like she's there to stop him#guhh my point is if she had these time/financial restraints beforehand it was really irresponsible to get all these pets#and then not fucking take care of them!!! if you can't get them incredibly basic necessities then hold off on taking on the responsibility#of another creature's life!!!!!!! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!#ugh i know firsthand how depression can fuck with pet care in some ugly ways but she Keeps getting pets#this was a three time mistake not a one time mistake and she seems so unbotherwd#and she's fine with dealing with the problems she just Does Not Notice Them because (afaict) she's just not paying attention or wondering#but i don't know?!!! i don't know. very conflicted feelings about my roommate to be honest#i was terrified to learn that she would be my roommate and im very Not Cool with the animal neglect thing#nor the fact that she's apparently cheating on her bf (she blames him ofc) but idek what to do or say about that#but she's also very friendly? it's a really weird dynamic. we're on good terms but i wouldn't call her a good person#arghhhh whatever. whatever. i have since moved top turtle (😐) off since i dunno if she could get down on her own#+ i dont want bottom turtle (😐😐) to shake her off. shell or not im not risking it
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#(ramblings in tags. dont read if u dont wanna see criticism of female character writing in naruto)#(i think im pretty chill but it's still negativity so look away if u dont wanna see this)#my hot take (?) is that the naruto author is 100% a misogynist and that HAS to factor into your analysis of his female characters#im only getting thru the anime in increments bc the way theyre written is so frustrating#and fandom discourse surrounding them isnt great either#(i already know the gist of how it ends bc the ending is infamous for being hated so idc about spoilers)#from what ive seen everyone generally knows the female chars are written terribly and arent respected by the author#but dudebros hate them for gross misogynist reasons#and in contrast fans of those female characters get so defensive that they loop right back around to being misogynist#idk how to explain it but its odd seeing fans say “its empowering actually!” for the female chars to end up in miserable marriages#with less combat involvement than the male chars despite taking up the same profession/training#like yeah in a vaccum these conclusions are fine and completely neutral. but we're not in a vacuum. this was written by a male misogynist#how do i articulate that u can personally like characters w/out pretending misogyny didnt play a role in their development + conclusions#and critiquing the way female characters end up is not misogyny. its basic media analysis#like if i were to apply this to MHA i would say Midnight's death was poor writing in comparison to Nighteye's (narratively similar)#bc it supposedly was supposed to give development to the class. particularly Momo since Momo was the one she was rooting for#however hori did not bother showing more interactions between Midnight and her so it falls flat. her death even happens offscreen#and Momo wasnt there to confront the ppl who murdered her. it was Mina. so Midnight's arc wasnt completed satisfyingly#her death ends up becoming meaningless for Momo's development and purely for shock value so the war has stakes#as opposed to Nighteye and Mirio having a fleshed out relationship/backstory and a proper goodbye#there was a difference in the way the author wrote male mentorships and female ones. critiquing that is fine#now imagine if some Midnight fans went “its misogynist of you to downplay her death. she was noble and heroic and a girlboss”#it misses the point completely bc they interpret writing criticism as shade against her as a person#anyway thats what a lot of female character discourse in naruto feels like#and thats not even mentioning the cesspool of dudebro sexism but i avoid them so i dont see it as much#anyway in conclusion naruto would probably be a great series if the author wasnt a raging misogynist#sorry for the rant#my post
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For the rare coherent, rational thought: it's pretty unlikely this is actually about him or even me. He's sure as fuck not helpin but it's just a smokescreen.
#i started spiralin pretty suddenly at almost two weeks since any interaction w/ him & w/ seemingly no trigger#unless we look outside the system. cause it woulda been a couple of days after we broached some things in therapy#n i don't know what it means but i don't like it#was just the general topic too close n triggered some kinda emergency protocols? we've mentioned it before w/ no issues#or was it that what we've assumed to be basically just speculation w/ nothing tangible is closer to the truth than we think#we can't assume anything til we have either smth tangible or actually remember things but#it's all blocked away#what changed? would pointing fingers at the wrong person have caused this too?#is someone tryin to tell us smth or is this a sign to back off?#we can't keep backin off forever we can't fucking live like this but idk what we need to do to get past that block#n i know we can't go digging it just triggers more defenses n doesn't even work#but it's driving me fucking insane#i keep wanting to watch some specific movies or shows to see if it'd trigger a memory but i know that's not even remotely safe#i don't know what to fucking do#do i ignore it? obsessing over the same things over n over helps no one but i got nothin else to go on from#some things in val that we don't.....recognize. it's not rly source him it's none of the other people he introjected things from#it's no one we remember. who is it? do we even wanna remember?#cause sometimes i look at the shit i say n see the trauma holder who Knows the one who can't tell n only talked about it once#something we're replaying just w/ a different cast#who's feelings are these? whose words is he repeating?#n then we have the fucking dreams we never talk about but idk if that's just cause we think about it so much#is it just all of the shit mashed together or is it a memory#or more just fragments of one anyway#spdrvent
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Nails vc yeah the director burned some of my work to my face she must be so stressed out and sad :(
#rat rambles#oni posting#out of the shower and still thinking abt their log theyre so silly I love them#also thinking abt how much of a piece of shit nikola is (affectionate)#I need to put him and ellie in the same room so they can take jabs at eachother with increasing agression until they get physically violent#bonus points if they come out of it almost friends in a fucked up way#think 'I hate your guts and would gladly punch you but we're both going through the same fucked up shit so guess Id die for you' vibes#bonus bonus points if joshua is also in on the oh fuck were doomed arent we fun#like he probably doesnt know and would be horrified upon finding out and thats generally what I go for in my head#but. itd be so incredibly fun if he was just as deep in the muck as the other two.#or even better. deeper. but thatd likely just put him in a middle point between ellie and nikola#ellie is in the know enough that even if she doesnt Know she probably figured it out at some point#nikola is like the most knowing motherfucker in the world#and we don't see shit of joshua's actual work so god knows how much he knows#we know he and ellie work in the same department and handle a lot of important data#but we only ever see ellie be talked to about said data#so while she and joshua do the same type of work we dont know what joshua specifically worked on#which basically means he could know any amount of information about the shit going down at gravitas theres literally no way of knowing#I cant even make a personal character judge because nice doesnt necessarily mean strong morals#like for all we know he could have been actively involved with the dna stealing he most likely wasn't but we dont know#maybe hes a nails situation where he was blinded by optimism or blinded by his friendship with ellie#or maybe ellie goes out of her way to keep him not involved in an attempt to protect him#but ellie herself doesn't Seem to have realized how fucked shit was during what we see of her so idk#maybe jackie just has favorites and likes making ellie her lil grunt#and makes ellie stay quiet which ellie likely wouldnt find too out of place given her job#basically Im saying that while we do see a lot of these two we still know basically nothing abt them#which is a part of the appeal I think#anyways its almost 4 am rip#bed time here we go
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unclear
bucky barnes x fem!reader
summary: everyone thinks you're dating bucky, except yourself.
word count: 2.4k
warnings: 18+ minors dni. miscommunication (i love this trope, sue me), angst with a happy fluffy ending, quite stubborn reader, implied smut if you squint, usage of petnames such as baby and doll. lowercase for basically everything.
i haven't finished anything in decades, but i suddenly had an idea just now and decided to write it down. surprisingly, i finished it? might have a lot of mistakes and such since i haven't proofread it yet. also, sorry for using lowercase for this, i kinda like how it looks. hope you enjoy this one!
dividers by @cafekitsune!
comments, reblogs, and likes are highly appreciated. thank you! ♡
“you're confusing me. so... you're not dating bucky?”
wanda tilted her head, confusion etched on her face as you spent your weekly girl's night with natasha. it usually consisted of eating food you all desired, drinking until you got wasted, and spilling secrets to one another.
although tonight, you weren't sure if you had any secrets to spill.
"as far as i know, no. we're just friends, teammates. nothing else," you answered with a heavy sigh. "can we talk about something else?"
"hold your horses, young lady! we are not skipping this topic again. you obviously want a label but he isn't giving you one!" wanda protested. she has been constantly asking about you and bucky's relationship for the past weeks, and you always had the same answer. you don't know.
"have you never talked about it with bucky? he looks at you like you'd get lost if he looks away for a second. not a single soul in the tower would think that you're just friends," natasha interjected, taking another sip from the bottle of beer she held. she had a point, as always. "if he's just playing with you, which i highly doubt for barnes, then just end whatever that is. you deserve better than having doubts and confusion, babe."
you've tried asking him multiple times, but every attempt felt like you were stepping on his boundaries. after years of being controlled by hydra, you knew it was possible that he'd hate the feeling of being rushed and entering a relationship that could potentially feel like a cage to him.
but natasha was right. your "relationship" was no longer anything friendly. he sleeps in your bed, claiming he slept better in it, and wakes up beside you to shower you with kisses. none of you even tried to hide it after some time. you always cooked your meals and ate them together, casually feeding one another and stealing kisses in between. you even stopped going on dates and you had no idea if you were exclusive. you deserved to know what your relationship with bucky was, but you were too scared to lose everything once you asked.
"we're not dating. i only see him as a friend, so you can both stop worrying about me." you lied through your teeth, your chest aching as you realised how stupid this was. you sighed and faked a smile, shifting the attention to natasha. "so, tell me about your date with steve! how was the first ever date of captain america since the 40s?"
wanda was distracted by the question, immediately bombarding the now blushing widow with questions. on the other hand, your mind flew away for a minute, finally deciding to get an answer from bucky.
the annual ball that tony stark held for, well, nearly anyone, was nearing. you only had two weeks left, and you haven't even gone out to find something to wear. it was hard to find any motivation to do all that effort when the person you've been waiting to ask you as his date hasn't asked you yet.
although, bucky had a tendency to get shy and hold back. you knew that. so here you were, standing behind the doors to the gym, knowing that bucky would be training at this hour. you still haven't asked him the question you were supposed to ask him, so you decided to do it all at once.
after you've finished your small pep talk, you opened the door to enter the room and your first instinct was to search for bucky.
considering that he was a huge chunk of a man, he was easy to find. however, the sight of him standing in front of a woman that was too close for your comfort wasn't delightful.
he didn't see you entering the room since he was facing the opposite direction, conversing with the agent that happened to be training as well. she had the sweetest and flirtiest smile on her face, bringing her hand up to his arm, slowly caressing it. you didn't mean to easily hear their conversation as you walked closer.
"so, do you happen to have someone for me to have as a date for the ball? i don't want to be lonely on that night, sergeant," the agent said with an extra pout, swaying her hips side to side like a child asking for candy.
"oh, yeah? i think i have someone for you," bucky replied, breaking your heart into pieces with how enthusiastic he was with his answer. "i'm sure you'll—"
you sniffed. unconsciously. not knowing that your tears were already falling, causing your nose to get stuffy. how pathetic, you thought.
your little sniff caught the attention of both the agent and bucky, looking at you in shock. although, the girl was more pleasantly surprised than the opposite. thankfully, you already had your tears wiped before they could see them.
"oh, we didn't see you there!" she greeted you with your name. "we were just talking about our date for this year's ball. who are you bringing?"
"i haven't decided yet, no one's worth it even if i try," you answered bitterly. "so you're going together?"
before bucky could answer, the agent already had her arm wrapped around his, happily smiling at your question. "yeah! amazing, right? i actually thought you two had a thing, but i guess not. glad things worked out in the end."
and that was your last straw. "well, enjoy yourselves. i have to go and find natasha."
you turned to leave, ignoring the loud calls of bucky. you were glad that you never asked him about your relationship and the ball. you were going to be hurt either way.
you spent the next hours stuck in your room, body covered with a thick sheet as you ranted about your frustrations to friday.
it was silly, you knew that, but you refused to call natasha and wanda to remind you of your stupidity and decided to let an ai robot listen to your problems instead.
"and he even flirted back! answering coyly like a teenager. he's 107 years old, fri!" you whined, not noticing the new nickname you've given the alternative intelligence. "ugh, now i have a broken heart and no date in sight. how did it get to this?"
"perhaps you must discuss this matter with sergeant barnes first. your conversation ended quite abruptly with no clear conclusion."
"no, i don't want the truth rubbed on my face," you said, grabbing another piece of tissue to sneeze in. "you restricted him from entering my room, right?"
friday answered with a yes, then you thanked her for listening and decided to get some sleep after tirelessly crying for hours. you knew you had a team meeting with the avengers in a bit, but you couldn't bring yourself to even walk a few steps.
your sleep ended and you were woken up with friday's reminder that it was time for dinner with the team.
with a groan, you pushed yourself off your bed. bucky would be there, but you were too hungry to care. it would be awkward, of course, but you had to face him at some point anyway.
your feet padded towards the door, opening it after trying your hair in a bun.
"ah, fuck."
you jumped at the voice and the body falling to the floor as you opened the door.
"bucky?" you asked, still in shock. "were you sleeping outside of my room?"
you watched bucky stand up, his hand massaging his aching nape as he looked for your eyes. "friday won't let me in. i waited outside instead. i guess i fell asleep during that," he explained, a frown forming on his face. "did you restrict me from entering our room?"
your eyes widened at his choice of words. our room. he considered your room to be his room as well. while that would've made you melt in an instant, you were still hurt to entertain that possibility.
"this is my room, barnes. not yours, not ours. and yes, i had you restricted because i couldn't face you yet. what do you need anyway?"
"i wanted to see you, talk to you." a flash of pain crossed his eyes. "whatever happened at the gym, it's—"
"bucky, you don't have to explain anything to me. we're just friends. it's my fault i assumed we were something. i just need some time to get over it."
"but i thought we were something as well..." he replied, his voice was almost as quiet as a whisper. "i thought we were dating."
"were we?" you asked, genuinely curious. "we never.. you never said anything. i mean, yeah, i wished it meant something, but i thought you wouldn't want to be trapped in a relationship with me, so i just waited. apparently, i was right and i can't blame you for that."
"right about what? the thing that happened in the gym this morning?" he asked. you nodded in response. "i know it sounds like i was flirting back, well i didn't know at the moment, until i asked steve who was clueless but he called nat to help me out and explained that it looked like i was flirting back. i wasn't. i was just going to suggest sam as a date for her. i would never agree to anyone."
oh. so he just wasn't interested in anyone at all.
"besides this one girl who's constantly been in my head. that's if she'd even give me a chance and say yes. i fucked it up badly before i could even ask her properly."
you knew what hoping got you, but you couldn't help but think that he was talking about you. he'd have to be clueless to say all those things in front of you only for it to be someone else.
"i love you, baby. i should've told you that, i should've made it clear sooner. i'm so sorry i let you have doubts when i could've been reassuring you about what i feel for you."
"bucky..."
"i would never feel trapped with you, doll. only you made me feel so much love and freedom. i'd be a fool to let go of that. i'm sorry it took a few hits and harsh words from natasha to make me realise that i wasn't giving you enough when you deserve everything." he held your face in his hands, bringing you closer to him. you felt breathless, tears threatening to fall but this time it was out of joy. "hydra made sure i had no voice to express myself. now, i'll use it to let you know that i love you so fucking much that it hurts when you're not around. i promise to work on it. if anything like this happens again, ask me, baby. demand things from me. i'll give you everything in a heartbeat."
"even if i ask for your arm?"
he laughed, a sound that was music to your ears. "it's yours baby. although, i do like fucking you with my metal—"
"bucky!" you scolded him, hitting him lightly on the chest.
"sorry, baby. couldn't help it. missed my girl so much."
his girl. you loved hearing that.
"it's only been a few hours. don't be silly," you reminded him, but you knew you also felt the same.
"i miss you even when i don't see you for a second." you couldn't help but laugh at his words. "something funny, doll?"
"sorry, natasha said something similar about you a few days ago," you answered. "i'm sorry for assuming so quickly, bucky. you deserved the chance to explain."
"and you did let me explain. i can't blame you for assuming and getting hurt when i never gave you the confirmation to believe otherwise. don't apologise for it, baby."
"i love you," you said, causing him to grin widely.
"yeah? you love me too?" he asked, a hint of pink tinting his cheeks. "this is official now, right? we're dating?"
you nodded happily, giggling as he landed a kiss to your mouth. "so, you wanna go to the ball with me?"
he kissed you again. "don't. i'm supposed to be asking you that. i had an entire thing prepared for you, i even dragged half of the team to help me out days ago. besides wanda and natasha, of course. couldn't let them tell you about it."
your heart swelled, he was already planning to ask you before all of this misunderstanding happened, and it could've been solved with communication. lesson learned, indeed.
"well hurry because i can't wait to say yes," you playfully threatened him, kissing the tip of his nose until the loud rumble of your stomach interrupted your sweet moment. "ah, right. i was on my way to eat dinner when i opened the door."
bucky laughed, his eyes twinkling witth adoration as he kept his eyes on you. "we can't have you starving, that's for sure. come, let's get you something." he held your hand, and dragged you to the kitchen. he turned to look at you with a playful smile. "wanna cook together like the old times?"
you smiled. "like the old times."
in the middle of your cooking session, you heard whistles and claps along with the footsteps that entered the kitchen. you both turned to find the rest of the team with shit eating grins.
"finally! so is this real or do we need to smack your heads?" tony asked, his hand placed on his hip.
"it's always been real, stark," bucky answered, wrapping his arm around your waist. "except this time, i'm making sure my entire world knows it."
"i think everybody knows you have a thing for each other, barnes." clint added.
"i meant my entire world, not everybody." bucky looked at you with awe. "she's my world."
bucky's answer gained various loud reactions from the team, mostly calling him a cheesy old man and fake gags, but there you were, cheeks heating up as you looked back at him with the same amount of love, if not more.
and he did ask you to be his date to the ball the day after, surprising you with his so-called secret plan.
a year later, he surprised you with a ring as he knelt on one knee.
if you have any requests for bucky, send them my way! 💌
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