#i know how convincing they are and thats why im basically begging and pleading with you to be fucking careful

[snekdood]

not much i can do about or with people who have a fundamental misunderstanding of reality.

[lovethatmakingcoffee]

im going to write the same thing I did for the ko-fi page so followers, please bare with me.

I'm sorry to be suddenly springing this on everyone but for those who know, I got deported from Germany at the end of last October 2023. I had some help from a relative to get me out of that situation but she won't help me with anything financial ever again. Why I was in Germany was because a relative convinced me and my dad that there was work for us there and we should move in with them. That we would get the documents all squared away and immigration would be a snap. My dad got the job as working for her handy man to fix up her estate, and I… Didn't have a opportunity like that. There were a lot of details, but the end of it was that there really wasn't any job, she lied, she didn't help me get citizenship and I was basically deported after spending 8 months there. I was thankfully saved by my mom so I wouldn't become homeless, but my dad is still there. Still with that psychopath. He had no way to leave, cause he no relative to swoop in and help, so he had to stay and work for this freak until he could financially leave. I was trying to make as much money as I could from my end, but my job is mininum wage and I had other expenses but we both thought that he would have time (a years worth) cause she would renew his work visa cause she wants him to work for her. But lo and behold, she remains true to her selfishness and craziness, cause she said she won't renew it because he isnt doing this project for her anymore, but for himself. Which, what? No, he is doing the project so you will pay him and he can escape, but whatever. She had one of us deported, it seems that she wouldn't mind having both of us deported. And that is why I ask for help. I didnt press for financial assistance with my deportation, but I plead with his. He has no one to help him and I'm not enough. Please help him, he gave up so much to help her cause he trusted and loved her (his cousin). But she wouldn't return the favor. So now she is throwing him away cause she's done with him, so I beg anyone to help. He will need at least 10k to get a semi fresh start. 20k would be a comfortable one even though that is asking for so god damn much. But to explain, the finances would be for the plane ticket so he won't be thrown on a thirty hour flight which is possible and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. A $200 ride to the airport cause thats how much it was for me and my luggage and she didn't help with any of that. He had several luggage items so that combined with the plane ticket. Then he will need money for a place to stay until he can get back on his feet and the state he will be moving to is a pricier one but it will have my sisters who will be there for him. They can't help much either cause they are also poor. I intend to ask, and I'm sure they will hand over some but it won't be enough. And then he needs a car since he got rid of his moving to Germany and just general expenses like credit cards and we have a storage space filled with stuff we were going to bring with us but that's not happening. So I ask this much, because it's what he needs but I don't know if it's what he's going to get. I'm sorry for springing this one everyone, but I am literally not enough and won't get any outside help. So please, if you can, please help my dad.

I will make art if requested or short stories if asked for. I won't have too much time balancing out my job and things, but I will commit. Just send a request and I'll type that shit like there is no tomorrow. Just please, help us. I am actually begging and losing my mind over it. Please.

I'm sorry to be suddenly springing this on everyone but for those who know, I got deported from Germany at the end of last October 2023. I had some help from a relative to get me out of that situation but she won't help me with anything financial ever again. Why I was in Germany was because a relative convinced me and my dad that there was work for us there and we should move in with them. That we would get the documents all squared away and immigration would be a snap. My dad got the job as working for her handy man to fix up her estate, and I… Didn't have a opportunity like that. There were a lot of details, but the end of it was that there really wasn't any job, she lied, she didn't help me get citizenship and I was basically deported after spending 8 months there. I was thankfully saved by my mom so I wouldn't become homeless, but my dad is still there. Still with that psychopath. He had no way to leave, cause he no relative to swoop in and help, so he had to stay and work for this freak until he could financially leave. I was trying to make as much money as I could from my end, but my job is mininum wage and I had other expenses but we both thought that he would have time (a years worth) cause she would renew his work visa cause she wants him to work for her. But lo and behold, she remains true to her selfishness and craziness, cause she said she won't renew it because he isnt doing this project for her anymore, but for himself. Which, what? No, he is doing the project so you will pay him and he can escape, but whatever. She had one of us deported, it seems that she wouldn't mind having both of us deported. And that is why I ask for help. I didnt press for financial assistance with my deportation, but I plead with his. He has no one to help him and I'm not enough. Please help him, he gave up so much to help her cause he trusted and loved her (his cousin). But she wouldn't return the favor. So now she is throwing him away cause she's done with him, so I beg anyone to help. He will need at least 10k to get a semi fresh start. 20k would be a comfortable one even though that is asking for so god damn much. But to explain, the finances would be for the plane ticket so he won't be thrown on a thirty hour flight which is possible and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. A $200 ride to the airport cause thats how much it was for me and my luggage and she didn't help with any of that. He had several luggage items so that combined with the plane ticket. Then he will need money for a place to stay until he can get back on his feet and the state he will be moving to is a pricier one but it will have my sisters who will be there for him. They can't help much either cause they are also poor. I intend to ask, and I'm sure they will hand over some but it won't be enough. And then he needs a car since he got rid of his moving to Germany and just general expenses like credit cards and we have a storage space filled with stuff we were going to bring with us but that's not happening. So I ask this much, because it's what he needs but I don't know if it's what he's going to get. I'm sorry for springing this one everyone, but I am literally not enough and won't get any outside help. So please, if you can, please help my dad.

I will make art if requested or short stories if asked for. I won't have too much time balancing out my job and things, but I will commit. Just send a request and I'll type that shit like there is no tomorrow. Just please, help us. I am actually begging and losing my mind over it. Please.

If I reach 20k on both goals combined, I will freeze them so no one adds anymore, thanks you.

[tillman]

Pls infodump about lancelot from what i observe almost everyone hates him? (Ok its understandable bec of his affair with queen) im curious why do you like lancelot? And i remember a few days ago you post that there so many things you want to talk about him? And i want to see you rant/gush about his character, relationships, mental illness, his flaws etc ans also what is the difference between fate lancelot and lancelot in the legends? I want to know more about him he is complicated

OK its not that everyone hates him its that people hate what he stands for. the french side of arthurian lit is VERY focused on making lancelot seem like the greatest knight in the entire world because…. wow… hes french. and french people suck. stop normalizing the french. i like lancelot because of what he COULD stand for. theres a lot of things that could be delved into more (his mental illnesses, his communication issues, his inability to comprehend love, the struggle with being unholy or wrong, ect) but no one ever does. so i stole him hes mine now fuck the french they did him dirty.

uhm ok this is under a cut for talks of kinda heavy topics (lots of mental health talk, lots of abuse talk) and also cus its long. sorry i have a lot to say about him) 

i like lancelot a lot cus i see myself a lot in him. mostly in his mental health and how he ends up dealing with situations. his struggle with violent mood swings and his huge burden of being labeled as a sinner or whatever for a relationship he admits to feeling trapped in is…. relateable… comforting to see in a fictional character i guess. as flawed as he is hes still heralded as a good person. hes still loved by his friends and his family. and thats nice.. i like it. 

uhm for his mental health the main thing that comes out is his struggles with trauma, awful depression, and also just the fact he dissociates a lot. in knight of the cart he is so out of it he doesnt realize a knight is attacking him until hes thrown into the water in which he reacts violently and freaks the fuck out, trying to rip the guy off his horse. he like. physically can not handle extreme emotions and will either fall asleep so he doesnt have to face it (le morte says this is a known quality of him, he does this enough dinadan expects it as soon as he gets mad) or he swings so hard he has an extreme bout of depression (in the vulgate when trying to comprehend his relationship with guenevere and galehaut he just shuts down and spends all his time sleeping or staring at the river) or awful mania (see: the many times guenevere freaks out at him and he gets so upset he jumps out a window and lives in the woods). Lancelot has a lot of unworked out trauma from being r*** twice by the same woman who continues to use him and freak him out so much he cant find camelot safe (triggering another huge spike where he runs off into the woods) or the literal entire end of the legends where he has to deal with the trauma of while having one of his dissociative episodes in combat he accidentally kills gareth, someone he loves and adores like a brother or son and gets so upset he just accepts everything happening and hides in joyous gard, where his cousins have to BEG him to go and defend his honor from gawain whos basically knocking on his door pleading with lancelot to kill him. 

lancelots inability to understand a lot of social nuances is also really interesting but like, ultimately leads to a lot of strife for him most namely galehauts death and gueneveres constant abuse. The thing is Lancelot basically idolizes guenevere and this is where a lot of the abuse and weird shit comes from in their relationship. lancelot was a very young knight who honestly didnt understand anything about BEING a knight when he came to court. the queen knighted him and him, being young and not understanding, took this as “i am her knight! i will do anything for her!” and guenevere just kinda ran with this? i dont rlly wanna go too into it ill do that later when i get farther in the vulgate and can talk more on it but it leads to lancelot being trapped in a relationship he admit hurts him, but the small sliver of love guenevere gives him when she needs him is enough to keep him in because his mindset is still “im her knight! this is what a knight should do for his lady!” Galehaut is a different situation where his blindness to social cues and other shit leads to a lot of drama and hellish shit and when he finally snaps and realizes “oh. oh no this is what love should be” its too late and galehaut is dead and lancelot isnt much better. his own mother has to come and convince him not to literally kill himself over this and sends him into a spiral of depression where he doesnt leave the joyous gard for months. when he does and when he comes back to court, no one really … cares? that galehaut is dead. and this is lancelots first experience with actual love and his first experience with the death of someone close to him. which is an awful double whammy to have to experience. he does have good friends like gawain and dinadan and tristan and his relationship with galahad is good but they all end up dead or turned against him by something thats he did and its just. god its so sad to watch. the only people lancelot is left with in the end are his cousins, and even at the end of all of that hes left alone with the corpses of people he thought he loved. 

like hes a very flawed man. lancelot is a problem causer and not a problem solver. he doesnt try to he really doesnt, he strives to be the perfect knight mostly for some sliver of appreciation from someone he idolizes he never really ends up getting. he doesnt know how to cope, and ends up making things worse when he inevitably ends up screwing shit up because of this. hes called a sinner and unholy by god, and while he is very proud of his son for what he ends up achieving, has to deal with the trauma of the grail quest alone. he ends up killing someone he loves, and who genuinely respected and cared for him like a brother in a fit of him not being able to deal with heavy emotions. like he truly is in the wrong in most situations but like. in such a pitiable way. hes a good person, but lets his flaws overtake him a lot and pushes away the people who want the best for him. its like…. sad. 

(about to talk about fate u can drop off now if u just wanted to read my arthurian lit opinions :-) )

i could go off about fate lancelot and all the problems i have with him for hours but i think the main thing i wanna talk about rn is how they handle his internalization of his life and then just did nothing with it. his wish for the grail is just to be told he was wrong. thats so fucking GOOD!! in life he was heralded as the best knight like of course his one regret was that no one ever stopped him and went “you are wrong. this is wrong. you are doing the wrong thing.” and that being all he wants out of the thing that can grant any wishes is soooooo soo cool and neat. and then they just reduced his personality to “oh boo hoo im so sad im going to fuck a married woman now” like. the fucking dissonance. like lancelot isnt the type for random flings. tristan sure i understand that a bit hes unhinged and hard to characterize and .. honestly does just go around fucking married woman. weirdo. but lancelots entire struggle is over his relationship with guenevere being both wrong morally and literally abusive! i jsut dont get it i dont understand how they built up something so interesting with zero and threw it all out the window it makes me so mad. i dont even wanna talk about fate lancelot anymore rn its giving me a headache cus im so mad. 

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

Run Boy Run (Number 5 x reader)

A/N: hahahah im so sorry i was in a bad mood and didnt need much convincing to write this, were so this is based right after Five ran away. :) yet again do apologise. stay fresh my dudes (also you should all listen to pretty girl by clario because some of the ideas to an extent are based off that but its also just a good song.) also 3 fics in a day oof.

Context: You and Five were best friends, the night before he ran away he admitted his feelings to you, you went to school together and protected you from bullying. But now he’s gone.

words: 1318

Warning: Suicide, just sad really, bullying, swearing. 

Polaroids filled your wall, it reminded you of a happier time, a time that seemed so long ago. The pictures couldn’t keep you going anymore, it’d gotten too much and he wasn’t there anymore, he’d left you. You look at the photos while writing a letter with shaking hands, ink running on the page where your tears hit, the sound of them sounding like beating drums on a parade. You couldn’t wait for him, not anymore. 

You remember the night before it happened, even though it was almost two years ago, since he left, gone without a trace. A flash of blue and he was in your room, breathing heavily as he gently shook you awake.

“Five? What are you doing here?” He took a seat at the end of your bed, you sat up and rubbed your eyes. “Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know.” You say in a soft voice, placing a comforting hand on his back.

“y/n...” Five sighed, he was almost searching for the words to say, repeatedly opening and closing his mouth. He looked down at the ground, tears filling his eyes. “I’m going to do something really stupid tomorrow, I can’t tell you what, or why I’m going to do it.” He looked at you, his green eyes filled with sorrow.

“What do you mean Five?” You were confused, it was too early for this and you just didn’t understand what he was talking about, in hindsight, you should of known what he was going to do, you should of talked him out of it but you were naïve, stupid almost. Five was too smart for his own good, to wise for his age.

He looked at the floor again. “Y/n, please, just remember to wait for me.” he grabbed your hand. “Promise me you’ll wait.” He was begging you, pleading with you.

Without knowing what me meant you agreed, you agreed to wait for him from whatever he was doing. You watched as the boy you almost love push his hair out of his face with shaking hands. He grabbed your hands, almost trying to calm himself down, without a second though he leant over and pressed his lips to yours, it lasted mere seconds but felt like it was infinite, you were flying and didn’t want to land. 

“don’t forget me.”

And just like that he was gone, a flash of blue never to be seen again. How could you ever forget him, you never thought he’d be gone for long, maybe a week tops. But no, every nice thing must come to an end.

Five was your protector at school, thats how you met him, someone in the corridor had gone to punch you but as you braced yourself nothing hit you, you opened your eyes to see the bully in question on the floor and Five asking if you were ok and after that he never left your side. It only took a week after he ran away for the bullies to start again, pushing and shoving to mean comments and with no one to protect you anymore you just endured it, day in day out. Until finally, you shut down, after two years without him you couldn’t wait any longer.

You closed the letter, writing on the front as best you could with your shaking hand ‘for Five, when he comes back x’. You had left another note for your family, explaining on basic terms that you simply couldn’t do it anymore. Putting on your cheapest clothes you snuck out your window and made your way towards the Academy, you didn’t want to wear anything too expensive just incase your family had a hard time with money and needed to sell some stuff.

You approached the Academy’s doors, remembering the numerous times you had snuck in there with Five, or the time when pogo found you two giggling in Fives room and promised he’d keep it a secret, you smile at the fond memories. Quietly, you pushed the gates open and gently pushed the letter through the post box, and then you walked away, and you didn’t stop walking, not until you reached the cliffs at the shore. You took a breath of fresh air, dangerously close to the edge, the words of the bullies echoing in your head like a lone singer in an empty stadium ‘Five left because he couldn’t stand the sight of you’ and deep down you think its true, he hasn’t came back for you yet, but you could never forget him. You wanted to feel like you were flying again, like how you did with Five that night, the night he kissed you, you wanted to soar through the air again. So you did.

All Five could think about during the apocalypse was y/n, the thought of them was what kept him going through it all, through the wasteland, through the commission. He had finally done it, he’d got the equation, he didn’t care if he broke his contract he needed to see her smile again, hear her laugh. 

He fell though the portal, and looked up to see the rest of his siblings but y/n was no where to be seen. “Shit.” He looked round at their shocked faces. “Wheres y/n?” It took them a second to think about what they asked, little did he know they hadn’t heard of y/n since what happened.

“You’ve been gone for all that time and that’s the first thing you ask?” Luther stated, boy had he gotten big, but obviously his brain had shrunk since Five had left.

“Where is y/n.” Five asked again, louder this time. He watched their faces drop, how could they tell him.

“She’s dead Five.” Fives heart almost stopped, she couldn’t be, she promised she’d wait.

“Stop fucking lying. She can’t be, she promised me she’d wait!” He almost shouted at them. They were lying and he knew it, they were all lying.

“Five, y/n killed herself, two years after you left.” Allison jumped in before any of her brothers could talk. “She left you a letter, it’s in your room on your desk.” A flash of blue and he was gone, his chest was tight with the news, he couldn’t believe it, he wouldn’t.

There it was, a dusty letter sat neatly on his desk, untouched and preserved, y/n writing clear as day on the front ‘for Five, when he comes back x’ his hands begin to shake, there were tear droplets over the front of the letter. The more he read, the more his heart sank, the letter was rushed explaining every question he would of had on why you did it. Without even realising, his eyes stung, lifting a hand to his face he could feel the damp of his tears on his face but his body was numb with grief and his heart aching loss. At the end of the letter there was a polaroid of the two of you at Griddy’s, you’d ask one of the waitresses to take it for you, the waitress before taking the photo had mentioned about you being a cute couple and it made you both laugh right before she snapped the photo.

Fives vision was becoming blurred, he wanted to scream but no noise was coming out, a stabbing pain wracked through his whole body and he collapsed into a heap onto the floor clutching the photo of you both close to his chest, hoping it would ease the pain. He couldn’t help but blame himself for what you did, he shouldn’t of left. All he could do is silently cry, he couldn’t even think of what to do but he knew one thing, he had to stop the apocalypse and go back, go back to save you, to see your smile again. He would do anything to be back with you, even if it killed him.

[foodhx]

I havent written in a very long time. Im grateful i wrote previously and have something to look back on. So much has changed. S and i broke up. Its been more than a year, depending on how you count it, maybe 1.5 yrs.

Im not sure where im going with this, or in life. There were things i believed in before, had hope and ideals. I havent any hope now, i dont know what to hope in (apart from God). Its been like this for a while. What does it look like to hope in God now?

Ive ended up in a specialty i didnt plan on going into. What’s done is done. But the learning point is, it would have been better to take more time to rotate around before deciding, because it was an emotional, impulsive decision (felt way too rushed, i knew this even at the time of applying). It wasnt a peaceful decision, the way such “life-defining” decisions should be made. It was an emotional time - literally six days after S sent that message to break up with me, my boss texted to ask if i was still interested in applying. Im deeply grateful for the opportunity he gave me which i didn’t and don’t deserve. I should have a word with him at some point. On a side note, im deeply grateful that this dept and the people i work with now are mostly of incredible Godly character, a very unique and irreplaceable quality in a workplace.

So much has fallen apart. My career, and the relationship with the person who became my best friend over the course of 7-9 years. It felt unreal, standing there watching everything explode. I couldnt believe what was happening. I never expected things to explode this way. I never expected myself to leave, and i never expected him to leave. He didn’t mean to be cruel, but i experienced it as such, through the whole months of me begging. Especially at the point where he physically walked out on me and closed the door when i was crying hysterically - not to be overdramatic, but it felt like pure coldness to do that to my uncontrollably hemorrhaging heart (like watching that aorta spurting on cardiothoracics). He still thinks choosing not to carry on is right and directed by God, which i doubt. He declined reconciliation despite months of my sincere apologies, pleading with him and my attempts to remediate where i screwed up (he hasn’t made an effort to reconcile with me in 1.5 yrs, cos he’s lost faith in our relationship and, it seems, me, entirely. Unfair as it might feel, that’s the way he feels). All in all, the break up was devastating. I’m still disoriented and trying to find my feet.

Ive significantly lost respect for him, because of his choice not to carry on and to, well, give up on us. I feel that this was more an emotional decision than a decision based on a true seeking of God, true dying to self and true obedience, especially to certain biblical instructions (love your neighbour as yourself, in humility value others above yourself, the relationship as an expression of love for Christ “what you did to the least of these you did to me” rather than a competition for love for Him, 1cor13).

I feel his decision to give up, abandon and betray is not biblically based, even if it can be justifiable by a twist of verses (he justifies not carrying on as him “putting God first”). I feel his decision was driven more by his hurt that i broke up with him, over text, last feb, and my cheating on him in july, than a real, honest, self-challenging attempt to “put God first”. I feel the decision not to carry on came more from his hurt over what i did to him than a true excavation of what it means to obey God and seek Him first. Its not necessary to leave someone whom youve built up a relationship with in order to put God first. Its arguable that being there for one’s friends IS putting God first, rather than leaving them because you can’t deal with it emotionally (greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends).

E says that its never so simple as “i heard it from God”, its all a mix of (sometimes sinful) human emotions as well as right-minded intention to follow God. How much of this move is driven by God vs his own human uncontrollable emotions? I doubt he’s admitted the whole truth to himself or me.

But i think his hurt is valid. It definitely is. He says he still doesnt feel whole coming out of 2019 and how i broke things off with him over text in feb and how i cheated in july. I’m not sure what he feels because i cant identify, but he says he doesnt want to deal with the pain with me because it was caused by me, and he’s not ready to talk to me (“can’t deal with it”). He tried to forgive me at the time, attending counselling with me, but gave up after 2 sessions. So i guess i can believe there may be a part of him that could want to work towards a friendship at some point (tho this is thrown into doubt at times, because of our apparent fundamental and irreconciliable differences). On my end, I feel that ive given him the benefit of the doubt many times, and hes always disappointed me in this process, since the break up. He’s never showed up or been the bigger person.

I could give him time, or i could end things. I could give him time to process what he needs to, and give him the chance to potentially engage with me the right way at some time in the future.

Should i, though?

Well, yes and no. Part of me knows he will only ever disappoint me cos thats all hes ever done consistently. The other part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt and just let him process things in his own time because its destructive to operate with such cynicism. One is overly cynical, the other is overly hopeful, and both responses arent centred.

Overall i just dont want to think about this anymore. I just want this whole thing out of my mind.

But is that enough for me to cut him out completely and forever? When i ask him, he replies that he wants to be friends but doesn’t know how or when that could happen. He isn’t at all invested in this “friendship”, even if he says its what he wants. He thinks God needs to encourage it or something before he will put in the effort... its all so screwed up cos of his ridiculous view or way of hearing from God that’s so mystical and non-bible based. I honestly feel really disgusted by him. He has been asking me not to contact him for a long time, more than a year. I’ve agreed to honour that. Mainly out of an understanding that he’ll never change, and ive outgrown him and his cuckoo ideas about how to hear from God. I know even if we become friends in the future, he’s gonna be the exact same dud - and why would i want to go back to that? Even as a friend. My basic requirements for friendship are that i respect the person and they respect me back. He absolutely does not respect me, and i absolutely dont respect him. Even tho we pay lip service to each other in emails for the sake of appearing holy and peace loving, we each are 100% convinced we know better. I don’t see a friendship here. I see disgust. I see contempt. Its beyond repair. And theres no instruction from God to repair it. So it will lie unrepaired for life.

Thinking about him makes me get into unpleasant thoughts and feelings. I dont have the exact words to describe how i feel. Not quite just anger (im over the peak of that), not really sadness (i do feel its sad that i still care about him and think about him so much when he wants nothing to do with me and wants me to not contact him - i mean, i dont have a practice of asking people not to contact me indefinitely, i think its rude, unfair and cruel), not just superiority cos i do admit i dont know everything and God works in mysterious ways and He still establishes a relationship with S even tho there is likely disobedience and misguidedness in S that he may never ever come to realize in this life). Its not purely a sense of betrayal as i walked out first - i knew he wasnt what i wanted, cos he wasnt loving me, or kind, or Christlike in his countenance towards not just me but everyone around us. I shouldnt just have walked out i should have pointed us to God, but there you have it. I dont regret ending things cos i know if i had continued we would be in a worse place than we are in now, where im stuck in an unhappy relationship out of obligation and fear of being alone. Its better to not be in a relationship than to be in one where you arent respected or loved.

I would say this whole event has had an impact on my relationship with... effort and commitment? Knowing you can try your best and have everything still fail. I used to believe in the “power of my dreams”. That i could get anything i wanted if i wanted it enough. But ive learnt that where the outcome is dependent on things outside my control (eg other people, genetics, politics), just trying my best and bringing my best intentions isnt enough. Its something but it doesnt guarantee an outcome - nothing can. You can say God can guarantee an outcome, but i would be cautious to believe only what He’s given in the bible and some revelations that are consistent with that and have been confirmed by wiser believers than myself, and those who know me well.

I have to hope again. And i have to stop wallowing and being selfpitiful. No. I have to hold myself to a higher standard.

The between places.

To focus on the next right thing - passing anatomy and being punctual. Seeking God, esp in my work...

[roaringheat]

Wait so what happened to barrett, pleasE, i want to know more!

Im so happy you asked holy shit

Under a read more cause it’s just as long as the last one lmao

I really should have done this before talking about Morgan but im doing it now i guess!! So, starting over again, Barrett goes into the woods to experiment with plant photography cause Morgan likes the outdoors and Barrett wanted to gift him those plant photos as a kinda thank you for the camera thing. I also want to mention that both Barrett and Morgan are in their early to mid 20s rn. He’s wandering and taking pics along the way when suddenly he spots a big bush of pink marigolds. The kind of marigolds that are bigger and have a bunch of smaller ruffled looking petals. He’s immediately intrigued and he doesn’t know exactly why but he starts walking towards it. He’s never seen pink marigolds before and there seemed to be some kind of glow about them so because of that, he crouches down to get some close up pics. The bush suddenly lashes out, immediately grabbing hold of him and dragging him in and thorns that weren’t there before are now suddenly digging into his skin. At this point, he’s thrashing around and being pretty loud which catches the attention of someone named Muriel as she steps into view. She’s a black woman in her late 30s who could be described as a “witch” kind of but i dont really think that term suits her. She’s brandishing an axe covered in charms, got this iridescent cloak sort of outfit, has some gold lines on her face, and both her eyes are this solid dark blue. No pupils or anything. But yea she happens upon this scene cause she was out on a routine check to find and destroy things that have gotten mutated due to the “magic” she does in her house nearby. This plant in particular had basically mutated pretty far to the point where it became basically a carnivore. The reason Barrett was attracted to it so quickly was,because of the mutation, the plant could attract/lure humans and some animals within reaching distance so it could attack and eat them. Everything caused by the mutation is the “glow” Barrett saw which was actually a faint pink aura, the ability to move, and the thorns which were used kinda like venom in the way that with enough of it its supposed to kill the victim quickly so that the attacker can eat with ease. So Muriel is feeling pretty responsible for Barrett being in this position so she goes over and gets him out of there and kills the bush with her axe. The plant managed to get a bit of the venom stuff in Barrett’s system so he’s weak and kinda just passes out after getting saved. Muriel hoists him over her shoulder and takes him back to her house a little further into the woods. She genuinely feels like shit for indirectly being responsible for this so she decides to keep an eye on him til he’s ok again. Barret wakes up in a spare shitty bed in Muriel’s place in the most excruciating pain he’s ever felt all over him as if his whole body was on fire. He launches himself out of bed but just drops to the ground again basically screaming. and Muriel bursts into the room and doesn’t know what to do but she sees him on the ground in pain and then notices he now has this pink aura around him and it starts clicking into place for her. Basically with the venom from the plant, its kinda like a zombie bite. The intent is to kill but if bitten and then left alive, the person would turn into a zombie. In this situation with the plant, the venom was never meant to turn others but yet since Barrett got the venom in his bloodstream and wasnt killed, the plant has basically grown in his body and given him all it’s abilities including some extra stuff. But yea back to the scene, he’s basically begging her to stop the pain in any way possible and so she knocks him out. When he wakes up the 2nd time, the pain is a lot more dull but now he’s freaking out cause he’s now noticing the pink aura and like he almost fuckin died and now he’s in some stranger’s house. Muriel explains to him all of what happened and Barrett is kinda a dick to her cause he absolutely doesnt trust her and i mean like he’s a white man in the 1920s. Ofc Muriel doesn’t take too kindly to that but she’s convinced if she lets him leave while he has no control over the shit that he got into, he’ll get killed. So he stays with her for about a year and eventually they warm up to eachother. That whole year, they both learn most of what exactly Barrett can do now. As far as appearance, his eyes have changed into this shimmery pastel pink and he’s gained that same pink aura that the plant had so his whole body looks tinted pink. They make him look pretty fuckin inhuman so Muriel teaches him how to suppress it so he look normal. It’s easy for him to do (just a bit uncomfortable) as long as he’s in a stable mental state and as soon as he stops holding it back, it’ll come right back out again. As for abilities, He can grow and control those marigolds branches/vines from his skin, heal quicker and more efficiently so he’s a lot harder to kill (although serious wounds can still take him a couple days to heal), and he’s gained the same attraction ability that the plant used to lure victims. This mainly makes people immediately trust him and easier for him to manipulate which comes into play a lot later on. Then they find another ability of his thats completely different than anything the plant had and this one is 100% my favorite. If Barrett is making physical contact with someone else’s skin, he can bring out the most recent emotion that person is feeling towards the person theyre looking at and like amplify it to the extreme. So like for example, if person A is mildy frustrated at that moment with person B and theyre looking person B, when Barrett uses that ability on person A, itll amplify that frustration and make person A suddenly extremely hostile towards person B even if they would never hurt person B normally. It always depends on the most recent feeling towards someone so a lot of the time Barrett has no way of knowing what he’s amplifying and which emotion will come out. Depending on how much effort he puts into using this ability, this effect can last from 15 minutes - an hour. Its harder for him to use it on anyone who isnt human so he has to put significantly more effort and usually wont last as long as it would on a human which i absolutely did on purpose cause i introduce more nonhuman characters later and its really cool. The way to tell if someone is under that effect (other than the abnormal behavior ofc) is that theyre eyes will turn the same shade of pink as Barrett’s are when he’s not holding everything back. The draw backs to using this though is that the more effort he puts, the harder it is for him to keep himself looking normal. So if he were to use that ability with like full force, he wouldnt be able to hold back the aura, eye color, or any branches growing from him. So basically he has to be real careful. Its really useful for fights/ self defense tho which i have a lot of scenes like that planned out. But yea Barrett and Muriel find this out cause he accidentally does it on Muriel during an arguement. Muriel is looking at Barrett at that moment and was currently feeling immense guilt for everything that happened to him so when Barrett accidently amplified that she just starts sobbing. It doesnt last long cause although Muriel is technically human, she has some powers herself due to “worshipping” this beetle god which is a whole nother story lmao. But yea anyway, Barrett learns how to control all his shit over that whole year staying with Muriel and once they both think he’s gotten a decent amount of control, Barrett goes back to normal society and brings Muriel with him since theyve gotten really close in that period of time. Muriel tells him not to tell anyone in fear that he’ll be hurt but he doesn’t really listen. And like you guys already know he goes to Morgan and then Virginia and tells them all about everything that happened. Virginia takes it a lot better than Morgan obviously. For a short period of time before Morgan starts going crazy, Barrett, Muriel, Virginia, and Morgan all become like a kind of friend group. Once Morgan starts getting paranoid and reclusive, it gradually falls apart. Muriel has been staying with Virginia since coming with Barrett back to society which is why she was there when the hitman Morgan hires is threatening Virginia. You guys know the basics of all of what happens next pretty much. There’s more scenes with Virgina in between this and Morgan’s death but they aren’t really major scenes. She does try a few times to fix everything with Barrett and Morgan but obviously it doesn’t work out. So skipping to after Barrett and Muriel flee, like i said Barrett is never caught cause ya know 1920s crime investigations were shit lmao. The murder does cause uproar for a while cause of how weird it is what with all the flowers and Morgan’s weird behavior before his death. and cause Morgan was almost famous. Barrett becomes pretty untrusting towards humans after this and as the years pass with Muriel he gets to the point of just straight up hating them and hating being referred to as one. I have ideas for events that happen in between the 1920s and modern times for Barrett and Muriel but don’t have anything set in stone yet. Around late 1920s early 1930s they discover that Barrett’s aging has also been affected. At this point they dont know how much but its obvious hes gonna have a longer life span than most humans. Barrett gets really upset thinking about out living Muriel and basically begs her to work some “magic” so she’ll live longer cause she’s pretty much the only person he trusts completely. Muriel says no cause tampering with the natural cycle of things rubbed her the wrong way. They get into an argument where Barrett is mainly just pleading with her and she storms out. While she’s out tho she decides to do it for him and arranges some stuff to pause her aging until she decides to let it keep going again. There’s drawbacks to this kinda magic of course but i still havent decided what exactly. So basically after this point her body stays aged in her early 40s. Years past and its modern times and Barrett and Muriel are now a little over 100 years old. Barrett’s only aged about 15 years since now he looks to be in his early 40s as well. He’s definitely adapted with the current life style a little bit but still really keeps an old timey way of speech and clothing style. He’s changed a bit personality wise due to being alive so long tho. Him and Muriel have become very nihilistic. Barrett still really resents humans especially with how his attraction ability makes them all so trusting of him and predictable which has gotten boring for him. He’s kinda gotten a bit of a superiority complex due to believing he’s above humans in every way but learns to be charming and fake nice around them to not raise suspicion. Then they meet those 2 nonhuman ocs i briefly mentioned earlier! I got a lot of plot stuff for modern times as well as currently working on figuring out more stuff for Muriel and Barrett back in the 1930s and 40s but this has gotten insanely long and probably more than you even wanted to know so ill leave it at that!

[johnnys-so]

I don't think anyone has requested Leo or N! Since there's been too much Hyuk, if you feel like it, can you please do model!au for either Leo or N? Either will be fine!

A/N: hey there nonnie. i apologise but uni has been pretty busy lately. but i finally finished my degree and exams and now im here to fulfill your scenario needs.

N / Hakyeon:

first off, no one ever expected hakyeon to be a model. he’s more of a manager type, or even an idol but he takes up the job completely because he needed the money in college but now, he has slowly come to enjoy it.

when he first got into the scene, the designers and photographers loved him simply because of his unique skin colour. the korean designers were happy enough to try bolder colours that he could pull off better, especially when autumn and winter rolled around

he eventually took the model scene by storm not just for his skin colour but also because he was so self-sufficient

hakyeon makes a habit of showing up on time and personally greeting everyone on set. he’s very bright on set and interacts with everyone and loves discussing concepts with the fashion designers and the coordi noonas

if anything, he’s picked up so many makeup tricks over the years that if they need an extra hand, he’s up for helping with makeup too

he becomes such a sensation and dabbles and shares his opinions on everything - from clothes, to makeup - that eventually a very huge MNC asks him to design and model a new collection

and he couldn’t be more happy except youre his photographer and you honestly are a bit put off by how controlling he can get

for hakyeon, anything less than perfection is not acceptable. (it’s one of the reasons, he’s never changed his manager in all these years because he’s been trained to perfection)

after a lot of banter and grumbling about you difference in opinion, he decided to take you to the place where he got his inspiration from and it turns out, it’s his old university

and when you’re both sitting down in a quiet park, after you’ve taken a few aesthetic shots of the university, he tells you how this is where he began from and he feels like this is where his roots emerge from and you’re like “but wouldn’t you rather get inspiration from your family or your hometown or something like that???”

and he explains how it was here that he learnt to survive on his own and learnt to love himself by putting himself in a profession that meant that he had to show off his body and use his body as a profession and you’re just like “that’s some extreme measure of self love dude”

but you get where he comes from and you finally have THE BEST concept for the photobook

and you surprise hakyeon with a fully well orchestrated on-campus shoot and even convince a few of his lecturers and friends to play along so you can get hakyeon’s pictures like the on-campus hottie/cutie that you lowkey imagine him to be

and by the end of it, when you see him standing below the sakura trees, you just exchange your amazing DSLR for a nice old film camera and he’s like wtf are you doing we need this in HD quality and you just calmly mutter “these are for me hakyeon. you look too ethereal to be put in a photobook” and hakyeon turns into a shy mess ////

Leo / Taekwoon:

taekwoon starts out as the tallest and coldest player of his local soccer team and they even send one of his pictures to the local newspaper to promote for the upcoming game. he really doesn’t mind because he could care less tbh

but then when the soccer team gets picked for the nationals, they need sponsors and they decide to have a calendar and photobook and basically have a photoshoot for a local sports brand to fund them so when the guy comes out to pick a model he straight up picks taekwoon “he looks tall and model-like, he’ll do” and the coach is just like “OFC HE’S OUR STAR PLAYER THE BEST IN THE TEAM HE COULD KICK STEEL I SWEAR” but the sports brand woman doesn’t care she’s just like “yes but he’s also smoldering hot. he’ll do” and thats how the coach flipping corners him after practice and begs him to do the photoshoot even though leo is like no no noooo dont put me in front of a camera i cant do this

the rest of the team begs him “hyung we need equipment and shoes and travel cost and there is no way we can win this if you dont do the photoshoot” and leo can be manly as heck and straight up scare the coach but he cant say no to the youngest and cutest player in his team. he is just so soft for his dongsengs

so thats how leo begins. but soon enough, the netizens go crazy with that spots ad and it becomes a booming brand and everyone wants to know who is this sportsperson with those cat eyes

and people come to scout him to play for their team only because he has so much popularity

and soon enough he becomes more model taekwoon than star striker taekwoon and it hurts him a lot but he also knows the money is necessary and more than anything, his team adores the fuck out of him and so many people come to watch their shows and he’s sure 7/11 people in his team are dating because of him and theyre just so happy

and you meet him at one of those ‘take a picture with our model’ event at the store and you are in line to get his picture and you’re the last one and he just looks so tired after smiling for 90+ selfies and being exposed to screaming high school kids who have no interest in football or the sports brand and just want to see a handsome oppa

so when it’s your turn, leo literally pleading looks at you like ‘pls no dont come up’ and you really wanted to talk to him but siiiggghh he looks so sad and tired so when its your turn you just bow, say sorry and leave and you thought he’d look relieved but he just looks so offended and hurt but you’ve already started walking away

like a few minutes later you’re in some cafe trying to get some food into your system after your long practice and that long line and he suddenly sits in front of you and no greeting straight up asks you “why did you leave like that? did you really not want anything to do with me???” and he sounds like he’s interrogating a murder suspect. you nearly spit your hot chocolate out

and you explain very quickly, very clumsily, that he looked so tired and you didn’t want to burden him. and he’s just like “you just wanted a picture anyway.” and you’re like nooooooo i actually wanted to congratulate you because i come to see your matches and the way you play is so elegant i think youre the best striker ive ever seen and you make me want to practice harder and play better

and leo is shook but also so happy like wow a cute girl who’s healthy and actually admires me for a footballer and not just because im handsome (he really doesn’t think he’s handsome that idiot)

and so he stares at your for like 95786 minutes and sheepishly apologises and you slowly push your hot chocolate forward and say “you look like you need this” and he just nods and sips and eventually you have to go and get yourself another one but oppa taek pays for it and promises he’ll help you practice soon.