#we’re staying friends in that way queers do

[skelavender]

actually kudos to my now ex for breaking up with me the week before taylor swift releases an album that shit is gonna HIT

[jackass-jones]

Time for me to be completely changed as a person! *just watched falsettos*

[palms-upturned]

.

[blushweddinggowns]

Eddie threw an arm over Steve's shoulder, bringing him into a half-hug, “So, what did you guys think?”

“It was great!” Steve said quickly, relaxing into Eddie’s side, “You guys killed it, dude!”

“He’s right,” Robin agreed, “It was awesome! Super, duper fun and we’re so glad we got to see it. But actually, we kinda got to go-”

Eddie frowned, the loose grip he had over Steve’s shoulder tightening on it’s own accord, “Go where? Don’t tell me you guys are tired already?”

For some reason, Robin didn’t look at him after he asked the question. Instead she looked to Steve, a brow raised as she waited for something. But then Steve was giving her a subtle nod, her queue to start talking again. She leaned in closer, whispering as loud as she could in the noisy environment, “So… you’re like cool, right? Steve said you were cool.”

Eddie cocked his head at her, beyond confused, “I-yes? I guess?”

“About the thing?” She pressed, jerking her head his direction, “Steve’s thing?”

“Oh!” Eddie blurted, finally catching on. But he still didn’t get what Steve being gay had to do with them ditching. He nodded quickly, “Very cool with it. Have zero issues.”

It was almost true. Whatever issues Eddie had with Steve’s sexuality involved his own bullshit more than anything else. Plus, his answer had Robin smiling. Gesturing for Eddie to lean in closer, “Good. Because we, um. Share the affliction if you catch my drift.”

“That’s fine,” Eddie said, not missing a beat. He had kind of figured that out along the way. Considering the process of elimination on who could have possibly talked Steve through his queer thoughts. Not that Eddie cared, “No problem here.”

“Good!” She said with a grin, “Then you know just how limited our options are where we live. And according to an insanely pretty girl, there is an honest to god gay bar, like a few blocks away!”

Eddie swallowed, discomfort suddenly settling in at the suggestion, “T-That’s where you guys are going?”

“Yeah!” She said excitedly, setting her sights back onto Steve, “It’s time for someone to realize that we are hot enough to flirt and be flirted with! Closets don’t matter when you’re hours away from home.”

“We share the exact same closet,” Steve groaned, “Don’t start preaching to me.”

“And tonight we can escape from it!” Robin argued, “Come on! Eddie’s going to be busy with his friends and groupies anyway. What else are we doing-”

“I’m actually not that busy,” Eddie interrupted, trying his damndest to keep his voice calm. Suddenly, he felt nauseous again. He didn’t-He knew Steve could handle himself. He did. B-But creeps were everywhere! And he wasn’t used to being around guys who only wanted one thing and Robin would be distracted with girls a-and Eddie was really struggling with this idea.

Though Steve seemed to disagree. The next thing he knew, Steve was smiling back at her. Letting out a good-natured sigh, “Fine, fine! We can go. Someone has to make sure you don’t get kidnapped.”

“Oh my god, yes!” Robin nearly squealed, bouncing a little in her seat, “This is gonna be so fun!”

Eddie’s heart squeezed uncomfortably in his his chest at the excitement, dread starting to fill him. He opened his mouth, words escaping before he could even think of it, “Sounds like you two might need a D.D. I can do it.”

It was probably the first time Eddie had ever invited himself to something he clearly wasn’t a part of. But he had to give himself some credit for how smoothly it came out. 

Robin looked up at him, clearly surprised, “Really? It’s not exactly your scene.”

Eddie shrugged, “It could be. I like George Michael.”

Steve snorted next to him, “That is the one true gay litmus test. You got us there.”

“Seriously though,” Eddie pressed, refusing to let it go, “Then you can both drink, dance, have fun. And not worry about how you’re getting back to the hotel.”

“But don’t you want to stay here?” Steve asked, “Robin wasn’t kidding about the groupies. You should have heard what some of them were saying.”

“You could definitely get laid,” Robin added. She was staring at him now, looking at Eddie in a way that seemed a little past confused. Like she was examining him. Testing him. Or maybe that was just in his head. 

Eddie held firm, “Maybe, but I’d rather hang out with you two vs playing wingman to the boys. What do you say?”

“If you really don’t mind…” Steve said, trailing off. But Eddie could tell that he was happy. He could barely keep his smile to himself as he looked to the side, biting his lip in a way that Eddie fucking knew other people would notice. How could they not? 

from the next chapter of this fic

[crueltyserpent]

When she introduces us, she’s either my girlfriend or my mom. She’s neither of course, she killed my mom and my girlfriend so long ago at this point. Sometimes I think she chooses whichever she thinks will make me more uncomfortable; it’s not like whoever she introduces us to will live long enough for their thoughts on it to matter. If I were to choose a name for what I am, I would probably go with captive. Victim also comes to mind, but it’s hard to feel like I’m the most victimized person in the room when she’s cutting off the fingers of a naked woman one by one.  At least she’s not making me eat them this time. The “here comes the airplane” bit with raw human flesh isn’t nearly as funny as she thinks it is.

If I guess why she keeps me around, why I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere like every other poor bitch who get’s her attention, I’d guess it’s because simply torturing attractive women to death every other day doesn’t fully sate her appetite for cruelty. Sure, her ability to wring physical pain out of a stranger is staggering, but there’s a special type of satisfaction she gets from the form of psychological torture that is only possible to inflict on someone she keeps close for an extended period of time. I don’t know if she chose me because something about me was uniquely appealing to hurt or she just liked how my dick felt inside her, but at this point I’m fairly confident she’s sunk too much work into messing with my head to casually replace me.

The woman bleeding out on the floor is the owner of the Air BNB we’re staying at, a chipper blonde thirtysomething who was now karmically paying for the fact that nothing in her life had ever gone wrong before. I used to vomit seeing a girl taken apart like this. Now it’s boring enough that I can sit on the bed reading a romance novel while barley acknowledging the poor cunt’s slowly decreasing number of body parts. This is an easy one, relatively speaking. I don’t really have enough emotional energy left to feel bad for well to do women a decade older than me who’d never give me so much as a smile if I weren’t a customer.

I call myself a captive, but it’s not like I couldn’t walk out of the room if I wanted to, physically speaking. She wouldn’t stop me, she’d continue her ruthless execution and not even remark on me leaving. I was never bound (except for sex), never locked in a room, always free to go where I wanted. It had just been incredibly clear to me that if I ever made an attempt to do something she disapproved of, she could make my life so much worse than it already was as her unwilling partner in crime. One time she had left me alone for three months, letting me think I was free, only to return and kill every single person I had met and liked to any degree. I was trapped with her because she had created a situation where helping her murder people every few days was the decision I could make with the lowest innocent body count. And it meant that sometimes women like this died instead of the cute queer girls my age who used to blow me in alleys. Seeing someone I might have been friends with in a different life die was a whole different story to something like this.

I turn the page, working my way through a particularly arbitrary love triangle as I hear the death rattle. I don’t remark on it, but I’m not at all surprised when my bloodstained captor sits at the foot of the bed, looking at me with those hungry eyes. Don’t get me wrong, this woman is evil, the worst person I could even imagine who I would do anything to be free of.

She’s also probably the hottest person I’ve ever met. She was the first woman ever to be hot enough to make me cheat on my girlfriend, in what was either the greatest mistake of my life or the sole decision that kept me alive, depending on what would have happened if I turned her down. Her nude body sprayed with fresh blood is a powerful sight, and her toothed smile makes me shiver as blood rushes between my legs.

“Anything spicy happening in your book, honey?” She asked in a soft, motherly tone, her hands moving to undo my belt buckle. I hate how much her sexy mom routine works on me. It’s humiliatingly effective. I should be anywhere else right now, doing anything else, doing anyone else, but as she rides me, her other victims blood dripping off her chest over my face, I can’t do anything but whimper in enjoyment.

[salmonskinrolltf]

Soulmates 2

[Here's a sequel of sorts to my previous story Soulmates (you don't need to have read it to understand this story). With thanks to @guytransformedforever, @beardobession, @tf-vigilante, @maletransformationlover, @clevertreephilosopher, @scorpionofredsand, and @maletffanatic for providing the photos used as inspiration.]

Hello, my name is Tyler. This is me:

And this is my roommate, Dylan:

Now look, I don’t have a problem with gay people. My cousin is a lesbian. And Dylan is a great roommate. Stays out of my way when we’re not gymming together, but is always down to hang when I need someone to talk to. I just wish he would be less in my face with all his gay shit. Rainbow flags everywhere, blasting Ariana Grande at all hours, constantly bringing new Grindr hookups back to the apartment but giving me side-eye when I ogle women. It’s just… too much for me.

Here’s the thing. I might actually be able to change that. I have this friend Evan, who I’ve wingmanned for on a few occasions over the past year. One night, when we were getting drunk together, he shared his secret with me. He has a magic gift. He clasped my hand and said “tomorrow, you will wake up and have this magic too.” And sure enough, the next day I could feel a tingle coursing through my veins, and I automatically had the knowledge of how to channel it.

Now I have the ability to change somebody’s future. I can’t fiddle with anything that’s innate or has already happened to them. Like, I can’t just make Dylan straight. But I can shape his future decisions or actions, and my magic will make alterations to speed the process along. Like if I made him decide to work out more, he would basically become a muscle beast within the week. Not that I’d do that. I still gotta be the alpha here. I just want to make him a little more… palatable. Someone cool to kick back with all the time, even if he sucks dick. Let’s see... I think I know what will work.

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL BECOME OBSESSED WITH SPORTS

———————————

Hello, my name is Dylan:

Sports are my LIFE. I never cared about them much growing up, but about a month ago I felt the urge to join my local queer volleyball team and never looked back. It became my everything. It’s been great exercise, but on top of playing volleyball and getting totally jacked off of it, I’ve loved the sense of camaraderie. I love my team. So much so that I even pierced my nipples on a dare when we lost the semifinals. My teammate River also recommended I stop dyeing my hair, and I think the look is really working for me. For some reason, even though it’s only been a month, my hair has grown out significantly since then. Was the red dye stunting its growth or something? Anyway. I also feel like my roommate Tyler and I have really bonded. We’ve been watching baseball games together and I think he appreciates how into it I am. He says he’s excited to bro out while watching football together in the fall.

I love Tyler, but here’s the thing. Maybe I love him too much. I’ve always had this huge crush on him, and no matter how many random Grindr hookups I try to distract myself with, I just can’t stop hoping that one day he’ll give up women for good and decide he loves me. Especially now that we’re spending all this time together, bumping chests when our team wins and shit.

I know us getting together is never going to happen, but I have this… temptation. I was born with a gift. Or maybe I wasn’t. Something my twink friend Paul told me made me think maybe he had something to do with it. Anyway, I have the ability to reshape someone’s past. I change just one thing about their past, and everything about their present just ripples forward to reflect that change. It’s a delicate art. Changing something big can have huge effects that are totally unpredictable. It’s a major temptation to make Tyler gay, but who knows how he’d turn out. Plus, I think that’s just too invasive.

But… Maybe I could change something small about him. Something that would make him less my type, and allow me to move on and focus on finding a boyfriend who would actually be into me. I’m into nice guys. I really love how kind and caring he is. And come on, he’s a FIREFIGHTER. So maybe I can try…

TYLER GREW UP SELFISH AND SPOILED

———————————

What’s up, I’m Tyler.

You dig the jacket? Yeah, I’m still a firefighter, I’m just off duty. But babes dig whatever look I rock, you know what I mean? I get what I want, and what I want is a lot of one night stands. I know how to get ‘em, too. I’m so glad I made the decision to grow this beard out a year ago, it’s opened so many doors for me. And opened a lot of legs.

I’m getting what I want from Dylan, too. Finally, I have a roommate who’s willing to grab brews and watch the game with me. But I think I fucked up when I changed him. Queer volleyball isn’t exactly “sports,” at least not in my book. I thought he’d come out like a linebacker or something! I mean, nipple rings were never part of the plan. The gay guys seem to really go for them, too, so he’s got an even steadier stream of Grindr hookups coming in and out of the place.

On top of that, I’m a little sick of his shit. He’s always giving me lip about stupid stuff like leaving my dishes in the sink or dropping my unwashed uniform on the bathroom floor. He says it’s unsanitary. Like his parade of twinks aren’t dying to sniff that shit anyway. He just doesn’t get it. I think his volleyball teammates are a bad influence too. They’re all so obsessed with aesthetic and anti-hetero rhetoric. I still can’t make him straight, but I can definitely make him less… annoying.

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL START HANGING OUT WITH MORE STRAIGHT PEOPLE WHO WILL HELP HIM STOP WORRYING ABOUT STUPID SHIT AND BE LESS PRISSY, WELL-GROOMED, AND UPTIGHT

———————————

Yo, I’m Dylan.

Yeah, I cut my hair shorter than the last time you saw me. The upkeep was just getting to be too much, y’know? A couple weeks ago, about the time I dumped that lame-ass volleyball team I was on, I just got bored with shaving every day, too. I invested in a trimmer and now I rock the stubble look, and it’s working for me. I’ve gained a bit of weight since then, and it’s all for the better because I joined my local football league. Having a few extra beers with my new buds afterward just adds to my potential as a linebacker, anyway.

I thought hanging out with more straight people would make me get used to their vibe and kinda inoculate me against Tyler, but I’m still totally obsessed with him. He’s more of a bad boy now, but I’m finding that less unappealing than I used to. Plus, he’s still parading around in his uniform all the time. I can’t help it! I’ve jerked off more times that I can count to his Mr. June photos in the local firefighter calendar.

Whenever I see his mom, she’s constantly going on about how, out of all his Tonka toys growing up, the fire truck was always his favorite. She thinks that’s why he grew up to be a firefighter. Maybe I can change that core memory into something a little more… disreputable. That would definitely make him not my type anymore. I hope.

TYLER’S FAVORITE TOY GROWING UP WAS A TONKA MOTORCYCLE

———————————

Fuckin’ A, man, I’m Tyler.

God, I love my hog. She’s a beaut, ain’t she? My parents wanted me to grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer or a firefighter or some shit, but all I ever wanted to do was ride my hog. Chicks want to ride my hog too, and I let them. As long as they don’t go near my bike! Hahaha, get it? Fuck, I love life. Let me take another drag on this stogie real quick.

Where was I? Oh yeah, my roommate, Dylan. I wish I didn’t have to room with anyone, but my boss at the garage keeps refusing to promote me. I should knock him around one of these days, see if that changes his mind. Anyway, sure, Dylan isn’t so much of a priss anymore. He doesn’t give me shit if I leave my grease-stained clothes on the couch or light up when we’re watching a football game.

But I wanted him to be straight-acting, you know? I tried to train him up as my wingman but he wore a super gay shirt with all these see-through holes to the party, and all the chicks kept their eyes on him the whole time! Fucker. Why can’t he be more like his brother? I’ve seen pictures. That dude is a full on redneck slob, got a Confederate tattoo and everything. I know they had the same backwater-ass trailer trash upbringing, why can’t he be rougher around the edges? You know what… maybe he can!

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL REALIZE HE WANTS TO EMBRACE HIS WHITE TRASH UPBRINGING

———————————

Hey y’all, I’m Dylan.

Hoo-ee, life has been good lately. I dunno why I resisted my good ol’ boy roots for so long. This goatee really makes me look rugged, dunnit? Also the chest hair. So grabbable. I decided to stop shaving my body, and poof! There it went. A full rug, within like two days I reckon. Like a sign from God. This is how I was always meant to be.

I know I was trying to push away my crush on Tyler by making him not my type, but what’s the fuckin’ point? I need someone who can handle me, and this hot as fuck biker dude I’ve created might be the only one who can handle me at this point. I ride ‘em rough and bareback, just like the horses back home, and weak city dudes just can’t handle it.

Will he be the same if he’s not straight? Maybe not. But as long as he can take my eight inches, I’ll keep him around. I vaguely remember having some sort of compunction about changing him so drastically, but I’m too horny to remember what it was.

Fuck it.

TYLER WAS BORN GAY

———————————

Uh… hi. I’m Tyler. Who are you again?

Sorry, I’m pretty forgetful. Daddy Dylan says I don’t gotta remember shit though, as long as I let him ride me as rough and as long as he likes. He’ll do all the rest for me. He tells me where to go, what to do, who to do. There are so many nice, hot guys who are willing to pay our rent if I turn a few tricks. I love it.

I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. My mom and dad kicked me out when I was 18, in my senior year of high school. I was caught sucking my English teacher’s dick behind the locker rooms. I never went to college after that, but it’s not like I was getting good grades anyway. Sucking Mr. Brentmon’s cock wasn’t for my health, you know. He had a nice juicy one, too. I still dream about it sometimes.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, I took up with this biker gang for a while after getting kicked out. I’ve always had a thing for bikers. But once they got through using my ass, they got bored. It was hard for a while, but now things are oh, so easy. I get all the dick I could ever want. I have a roof over my head, and no job to worry about. All I do is go to the gym and eat and fuck and I never have to think. Dylan said he might take me out muddin’ sometime too. I don’t know what that is, but anything Dylan does is fun. Fuck, I love the way his goatee tickles my skin when he kisses me, so rough, so manly. Way manlier than I’ve ever been. It’s so fucking hot. I love how he takes care of me.

I really have no complaints. I wouldn’t change anything about my life, even if I could remember how…

[tommykinard6]

Buddie fans, my loves, come have a seat for a moment.

I want to have a chat, from a long time Buddie lover to you, whether you’re new or have been here a long time.

It’s okay.

I’ve been in the trenches with you. I’ve been pulling for Buck and Eddie to get together for years. I haven’t given up, even as I’ve seen other fans leave because they lost hope. I don’t blame them. The Buddie section of the fandom has been powerful and beautiful and all consuming. We’ve gone seven seasons and up until this point, not one of the two men in question was even confirmed to be queer.

But we all need to take a moment and breathe. That’s it. Stop doom scrolling for a moment and breathe in.

Good. Now hold for a moment.

And breathe out.

I’m going to get real here, alright? And you might not like everything I say and that’s ok.

We need to stop being a problem. Stay with me. I’m not saying we need to stop shipping Eddie and Buck. Far from it. I will love that ship forever. I’m not saying we need to stop our fanfics or fanart or our love for these two. Our feelings are valid. Many of us have been in love with these two for a long time. The Buckley-Diaz family is a strong unit.

Our feelings are valid and we feel what we feel. But our reactions are utterly and entirely our own responsibility.

We need to stop the bullying.

Let’s face it, many Buddie fans have also been long time bullies in the fandom. Particularly in regard to the actresses who have played the female love interests in the past. Don’t get me wrong, aside from maybe Ali, I have disliked every love interest introduced. But have we not yet learned to separate actress from character? If we are going to dislike an actress, let’s do it for a valid reason. Marisol’s actress for example is problematic. But many fans have rained hell down upon any woman introduced.

I’ve noticed this issue for a long time. But now we’re dealing with the issue being even more widespread because of Buck/Tommy. Now fans are bullying each other. The fandom is divided, even in what is probably one of the better seasons we’ve gotten (in my opinion). I need you guys to stay with me here.

Buck is bi.

Let’s say that again. Evan Buckley is bisexual. A major character on a major show on a major network, previously a womanizer and still a very masculine figure, is queer.

This is monumental. This is amazing.

But so many of you are letting your feelings about Buddie get in the way of appreciating the progress we’ve made. Especially with the reintroduction of Tommy Kinard, Buck’s love interest.

Let’s clear up a couple of things, shall we? Tommy Kinard is not Sal DeLuca. He is not Captain Gerrard. While he was part of the old 118 and definitely was in the old boys club, not only is he not the major problem, but in most cases that he’s an asshole, it can be traced back to his own secret. It’s not great, sure. But let’s look at the facts. Chimney is friends and still keeps in touch with him. Hen appears to hold no animosity and was clearly comfortable with him. In Bobby Begins, they all are friends. And clearly, Tommy has undergone a massive self-growth period. You cannot try to back up your point with inaccurate facts.

People can change. People can also be forgiven. It’s the prerogative of those involved. Enough said.

“But TK6,” you may say, “Buck should be with Eddie! Tommy is a plot device!”

Let’s set aside instant gratification culture really quick and talk about storytelling. You cannot get everything you want when you want it. You also cannot have your cake and eat it too. Buck and Eddie, if both queer, were never going to come out at the same time. Do we really want that?! Because identity is messy. Self discovery is messy. Eddie has Catholic guilt. Buck has self esteem/worth issues. Life isn’t a fanfiction. The real possibility of their relationship surviving such a transition isn’t all that high. IF Eddie is canonically queer, he’s going to have a rougher path than Buck has had.

Also, everyone is a plot device. Let’s get real. If a character doesn’t move a plot along, what’s the point? YES, Tommy is there for a storyline. That doesn’t in anyway invalidate his existence or his presence in Buck’s life.

If you want an instant Buddie storyline, visit ao3! There are amazing stories on there.

Now let’s talk about Buck/Tommy, or TEvan.

I am a long time Buddie lover. I also proudly ship TEvan. Yes, those can coexist. I don’t often multiship, but it’s a beautiful thing. I want Buddie to be endgame, sure! But I’m also okay if TEvan lasts. If they end up being endgame, will I be disappointed about Buddie? Of course. I will also be thrilled because Buck and Tommy are a sweet couple and I’m here for it.

As a queer woman, I’m happy that Buck is bi. Multisexual representation is still sorely lacking. Male sexuality that lets a man keep his masculinity while being queer? Even more so. Just take a look at the ao3 tag. Buck is emasculated in many fics. That’s why I stopped reading a lot.

We have a ship here that includes two very masculine men, who are emotionally vulnerable and exploring something new. I understand ship disappointment. But the negativity is wild. We need to stop the bullying. We need to stop the cheating storylines. We need to stop making Tommy into an ab*s*r only because we apparently can’t handle a love interest being a good person.

At the end of the day, these are fictional characters. It’s a fictional show. But these are real people. All of us are sitting here behind our screens with real feelings. We need to stop.

Buddie may one day happen. And maybe they won’t. TEvan might be endgame. They might not be. Tis the way of 9-1-1. It’s exciting, isn’t it? Waiting for something new and exciting. It was starting to get a little stagnant.

As a queer person, I’m not trying to gatekeep anyone. However, we cannot sit here and say “stop queerbaiting us!!!!” (They weren’t, we’ve always had queer representation on 9-1-1) “give us more representation” and then when they give it to us say, “NO! Not that way!”

If it was about the representation, it being Eddie or Tommy would matter a lot less.

So if you are someone using representation to shield yourself, kindly just be honest with yourself and everyone else.

In the words of our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift, “You need to calm down”.

Now, back off into the world of scrolling you go, my lovelies. Remember, keep an open mind and breathe. At the end of the day, it’s a show. But I for one will happily wait for every episode because I’m loving this.

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Part 1: It's Gay

We’ve finally made it to the Love in the Big City TV adaptation. Despite all the drama going on around this show’s release, we got the whole show at once. We won’t get canceled midway through. Though I hoped for a global weekly release schedule, I understand the decisions that led to dropping the whole thing at once. Thankfully, Nam Yoon Su is so charismatic as Go Yeong, and I have much to say about how this show doesn’t hate BL, has great regard for the humanity of its characters, and so far is one of the better adaptations I’ve experienced in my life. 

Nam Yoon Su’s Go Yeong

I just want to state plainly that I love how queer Go Yeong feels in this show. I love his pissy little expressions. I love his frustration and anger at gross straight men. I love his gay little run. I love his dancing in the street to girl pop artists. I love him making out with men in public. 

I loved opening with Yeong in the midst of a new fling and openly having lots of sex before the military boyfriend came back home. I loved Yeong ending things before later going to a club to seek new partners. We haven’t had that in so long, with Queer as Folk being the biggest cultural memory for many. 

More than anything, I love how lonely he felt. Many others have noted it in the tag, and I think that’s the part that resonates when something feels queer for a lot of us. It was notable that they brought Yeong’s friends forward this time, which gives us insight into the shallow nature of most of his relationships. His connection to them is through the club, music, and boys. Go Yeong keeps everyone at a distance. It’s the hardest part about being queer sometimes. You try to connect with others, but something always seems to come up to prevent that closeness. 

Kim Nam-Gyu

I think casting Kwon Hyuk as Kim Nam Gyu was such an excellent decision. He previously played my man Jong Chan in The New Employee, and it feels like a nod from this production that they are not opposed to BL. BL is a drama full of romance tropes and huge optimism about relationships, and they cast the actor who played my favorite version of the ideal man in a way that showed empathy for his lonely, quiet nature. Casting Kwon Hyuk feels like a tactful way for this show to say, “We’re not BL, and we respect the work others are doing.” The New Employee was directed by a Korean gay activist, and I love this show giving K-BL a polite nod.

Nam Gyu is a quiet gay. As one myself, I get a lot of what I saw in Nam Gyu. He takes pictures of hot models because it’s a socially acceptable way for him to be close to hot men. He leaps at the chance to be with Go Yeong, and speed runs the intimacy route. He missed that he was smothering Go Yeong, and I think it’s because it’s clear he lacks friends.

I feel so sad for Nam Gyu, because it’s clear he overinvested in his relationship with Go Yeong. He was so ready to give Go Yeong everything, but it was way too much for a club gay. Despite all the ways he rushed in (like a fool), he was otherwise so safe in his life. He stayed in the lines everywhere, and it’s so tragic that he died while speeding. 

I thought a lot about the lack of Kylie in this section and the health scare, and it adds a layer to the situation with Nam Gyu as @twig-tea pointed out in one of our conversations that Go Yeong asked how he died because he might already know his status. Did Go Yeong wonder if he’d infected Nam Gyu? It also makes me wonder about the sex we didn’t see with Nam Gyu and IG guy. 

Finally, the empty funeral hurts me to my core. This man was so decent, and no one was there to see him off. I am still thinking about how all of the breakups mirrored each other in this section.

Choi Mi Ae

I think @lurkingshan already covered Mi Ae in this adaptation very well. I’ve been thinking about her for a few days, and I’ve decided that I like that we get to see more of her outside of Yeong’s POV in the show. We can see how her circumstances rattled her, and how it was clear that she couldn’t make it on her own long term. 

I get her taking the cushy job. I get her finding a nice enough guy who didn’t want kids. I get her choosing to protect herself when cornered. The most tragic thing about her outing of Yeong is that she told the truth and it only seemed to make things worse. Jonho could never understand the solace she and Go Yeong found in each other, and he was not ready to ever hear the truth of Mi Ae’s life. 

I feel more sympathy for Mi Ae in this version because we can see that their relationship meant so much to her. Learning that he actually went on to become a writer touched her because it feels like he’ll immortalize a time in their lives that was mutually important to them. It also means that one of them may not have to settle for the choices available to them. The singing at the wedding hits so painfully here because it’s the last fun memory these two will ever have. Yeong goes back to the apartment Mi Ae left for him to eat the last of their blueberries, and that’s the last we’ll see of her.

Final Thoughts

I’m so relieved that we have book club discussion again. I’ll be reading and reblogging people’s posts, and I’m looking forward to the next part to see how Hyung fits into the show’s narrative. This adaptation has been so beautiful so far, and it’s been really great to see how the show has softened some of its edges by putting us in third person perspective. We are giving room to understand Mi Ae, Nam Gyu, and the T-aras by not seeing them exclusively through Yeong’s eyes.

[campgender]

from In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado (2019)

In Dorothy Allison’s short story “Violence Against Women Begins at Home,” a group of lesbian friends gathers for a drink and they discuss a bit of community gossip: a pair of women recently broke into another woman’s house and trashed it, smashing glass and dishes and destroying her art, which they deemed pornographic. They spray-painted the story’s eponymous phrase on her wall. The friends debate police involvement and intragroup conflict mediation; but toward the end of the story, as they are parting ways, the problem crystallizes into a single, telling exchange:

“Look, do you think maybe we could hold a rent party for Jackie, get her some money to fix her place back up?”

Paula looks impatient and starts gathering up her stuff. “Oh, I don’t think we should do that. Not while they’re still in arbitration. And anyway, we have so many important things we have to raise money for this spring—community things.”

“Jackie’s a part of the community,” I hear myself say.

“Well, of course.” Paula stands up. “We all are.” The look she gives me makes me wonder if she really believes that, but she’s gone before I can say anything else.

Queer folks fail each other too. This seems like an obvious thing to say; it is not, for example, a surprise to nonwhite queers or trans queers that intracommunity loyalty goes only so far, especially when it must confront the hegemony of the state. But even within ostensibly parallel power dynamics, the desire to save face, to present a narrative of uniform morality, can defeat every other interest.

The queer community has long used the rhetoric of gender roles as a way of absolving queer women from responsibility for domestic abuse. Which is not to say that activists and academics didn’t try. When the conversation about queer domestic abuse took hold in the early 1980s, activists gave out fact sheets at conferences and festivals to dispel myths about queer abuse. [see footnote 45] Scholars distributed questionnaires to get a sense of the scope of the problem. [see footnote 46] Fierce debates were waged in the pages of queer periodicals.

But some lesbians tried to restrict the definition of abuse to men’s actions. Butches might abuse their femmes, but only because of their adopted masculinity. Abusers were using “male privilege.” (To borrow lesbian critic Andrea Long Chu’s phrase, they were guilty of “[smuggling patriarchy] into lesbian utopia.”) Some argued that consensual S&M was part of the problem. Women who were women did not abuse their girlfriends; proper lesbians would never do such a thing. [see footnote 47] There was also the narrative that it was, simply, complicated. The burden of the pressure of straight society! Lesbians abuse each other!

Many people argued that the issue needed to be handled within their own communities. Ink was spilled in the service of decentering victims, and abusers often operated with impunity. In an early lesbian domestic abuse trial, a lawyer noted the odd and unsettling detail that most of the time the jury spent behind closed doors was—contrary to what she’d been worried about—the straight jurors attempting to convince the jury’s sole lesbian member of the defendant’s guilt. When she was later questioned, the lesbian juror told the lawyer that she hadn’t “wanted to convict a [queer] sister,” as though the abused girlfriend was not herself a fellow queer woman.

Around and around they went, circling essential truths that no one wanted to look at directly, as if they were the sun: Women could abuse other women. Women have abused other women. And queers needed to take this issue seriously, because no one else would.

footnote 45: Among the myths tackled by the Santa Cruz Women’s Self Defense Teaching Cooperative: “Myth: It’s only emotional/psychological, so that doesn’t count.” “Myth: I can handle it—unlike her last three lovers.” “Myth: Staying together and working it out is most important.” “Myth: We’re in therapy, so it’ll get fixed now.”

footnote 46: Actual questionnaire language by researcher Alice J. McKinzie: “Is your abuser present at this festival? If your abuser is at this festival, is she present while you are filling this out? If your abuser is not present while you are filling this out, is she aware that you are filling out this questionnaire? If you answered NO to the question above … do you plan to tell her later?”

footnote 47: This No True Scotsman fallacy could bend these narratives in every direction conceivable; create a kind of moving goalpost that permitted an endless warping of accountability. In a firsthand account of her abuse in Gay Community News in 1988, a survivor wrote: “I had been around lesbians since I was a teenager, and although some of them had troubled relationships, I was unaware of any battering. I attached myself to the comforting myth that lesbians don’t batter. Much later, when I was ‘out’ enough to go to gay bars in a town that was liberal enough to tolerate them, I saw that some lesbians did indeed batter. However, I thought they were all of a type—drunks, sexist butches or apolitical lesbians—so I decided that feminist lesbians don’t batter.” Activist Ann Russo put it more succinctly in her book Taking Back Our Lives: “I had found it hard to name abuse in lesbian relationships as a political issue with structural roots.”

[unfinishedslurs]

bedsharing (future stobin lavender marriage) (steddie)

“Why do you have tampons in your bathroom?” Eddie asks, toweling off his hair. “Wouldn’t your mom just keep them in hers?”

“They’re Robin’s.”

He can feel Eddie’s eyes on the back of his neck, and turns around from where he’s hastily folding his clothes. He has another towel wrapped around his hips, and Steve’s gaze drifts there before snapping back up to his face. 

“What?” He asks.

“I thought you guys weren’t together.”

Steve sighs. “Just because I have tampons for when she stays over—“

“It’s just—why wouldn’t they be in the guest bathroom?”

“She stays in my room,” he says, and then realizes how that sounds. “Okay, yeah, but we’re not dating. That’s never gonna happen.”

“So you’re just hooking up?”

Steve instinctively makes a face, and Eddie’s eyebrows jut up. “No. I’m not her type, and even if I was, at this point that ball has left the court. I don’t like her like that, she definitely doesn’t like me like that, and next time Henderson tries to convince someone we’re soulmates I’m going to wring his little neck.”

“I thought you said you were soulmates.”

“Yeah, but not like that.”

“Just enough that she sleeps in your bed and has tampons in your bathroom, apparently.” Eddie bends over to wrap his hair in the towel, and Steve spends a long moment staring at the curve of his bare spine. 

“Hey, man,” he says belatedly. “We got caught off guard one time. I’m not doing that again.”

Two loads of laundry, and Robin had cried in anger and embarrassment. Steve of ‘83 would have found it disgusting. Steve of now was a little grossed out, but also had been bled on in ways much worse than a period, so he just took her out to milkshakes and stocked up on enough supplies to last for a lifetime. After that, all bets were off when it came to the few boundaries they had left. 

Eddie grimaces in acknowledgment, grabbing the pair of sweatpants on the bed. Steve turns around before the towel drops, because years of locker room experience can’t possibly prepare him for seeing Eddie Munson’s naked ass. 

“So no dreams of a white wedding and gaggles of grandchildren running around?”

“I mean, we’ll probably get married at some point,” Steve says absently, fiddling with his bedspread to keep from turning around. He can have self control. He’s capable of not ogling his friends. “It’ll be safer that way.” Shit, why did he say that? He might as well hang a neon sign that says QUEER over his head. “Easier,” he corrects himself, knowing damn well it’s useless. 

There’s a thud and a groan, and Steve whirls around to see Eddie on the ground, halfway into his pants. 

“Are you okay?”

“So you’re not together, and you’re not hooking up, but you’ll get married?” Eddie demands from the floor, wiggling into his sweats. “And…what? Have a loveless, sexless marriage? Because it’s easy?”

“Just because the love isn’t romantic doesn’t mean our marriage would be loveless,” he protests, mind whirling with excuses he can’t use. Why did he open his big mouth? Why couldn’t he have just said anything else?

“That’s what you’re focusing on?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, man,” he shrugs, trying to get his heartbeat under control. “We’re already going to spend the rest of our lives together. Might as well get some legal benefits out of it.”

“Sure, sure,” Eddie laughs, disbelieving. “Getting married for legal benefits and safety. Harrington, if I didn’t know better, I’d say this sounds like—“

“Sounds like what?” Steve cuts through what Eddie was about to say. He doesn’t know what it is, but there’s a bone-deep certainty that Eddie will end up on the truth if he keeps talking. “Are you coming to bed or not, man?”

Eddie falls silent in the middle of standing up, dark eyes pinning Steve to the spot. He knows, Steve thinks, and tries not to picture what Robin would say if he got another concussion. He hasn’t confirmed anything, and Eddie seems like a good guy, maybe even their kind of guy, but if he’s wrong then he’d better grab Robin fast and get the hell out of dodge. Dustin might forgive him eventually, if he knew the reason why.

The silence is getting unbearable. 

“Yeah, alright,” Eddie finally shrugs. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I want the left side.”

“You asshole,” Steve hisses, pretending the relief in his chest isn’t damn near killing him. “You know that’s the side I sleep on.”

[butchhazard]

my trans to radfem story. started off as a response to another post i saw but i kind of just kept rambling and now it’s its own thing lol. i was always a bit nervous to share my personal experience out of fear of being judged but i think a lot of people will be able to relate to my perspective. or keep sending me hate if you want it’s all the same to me atp 👯

in the same vein of always seeking out arguments against my own views i frequently look at trans blogs and the amount of projection they do about “TERFs” is astounding. especially claiming that radical feminists have no sense of “kinship” with other women and that we think being a woman is all about suffering and hating yourself. they literally only believe this last part because we’re the only group of people who are honest about misogyny. the “kinship” thing is especially crazy because i WAS trans for *8 years* and during that time almost every single one of my friends was trans as well. i had zero solidarity or kinship with other women and believed them to be completely unrelatable because i was “different”.

the one time i felt brave enough to confide in my closest friend of 10+ years (who later dumped me like trash for becoming a feminist) that i was uncomfortable with penises and only wanted to be with “people with vaginas” she looked at me like i was crazy and told me, “that’s weird. I don’t feel that way. You probably shouldn’t say that.”

eventually i did cave into the pressure of being “inclusive” and put myself in many dangerous situations where men were able to take advantage of me and abuse me. at one point i truly believed i had more in common with TIMs than with “queer cis women” and had come to the conclusion that cis women were dangerous. did this MRA rhetoric serve to strengthen my female friendships like TRAs are somehow claiming it did or did it just make me the perfect victim??? (being male-identified in this way made me a horrible friend not only to other women but to myself as well.)

meanwhile i peaked as a radfem towards the end of 2021, when i was 22. i was staying at a women’s college w/ my ex. for 2 weeks we both felt completely insane and like we had just stepped into another reality. suddenly our lives became so much clearer. we were sobbing constantly just reflecting how misogyny and male violence had affected not only our lives, but the lives of our mothers, sisters, and friends. i was horrified to speak to any of my trans friends about feminism because of the “TERFs are nazis” shit we had been conditioned into believing, but i literally believed that i owed them the truth as a friend who cared and was concerned for their safety. i also naively believed that since *i* realized the TERF propaganda was a complete lie and that radical feminism was not only empowering but life-giving, they would feel the same. nope! they called my ideas brilliant and “galaxy brained” to my face and then turned around and told everyone else i was now dangerous. everyone cut me off from their life as punishment for daring to think differently. i was completely devastated. the friendships that i held so close to my heart for years and years meant nothing to them. this hurt especially because i was starting to realize just how easily they would forgive their male friends for worse, including things like disrespecting them in public or physically assaulting a woman. these were lesser crimes than being a female-identified woman.

meanwhile, around the same time, rumors of our cancelation had been going around the college and another feminist actually reached out to us. she called us her sisters and introduced us to other likeminded women who were so intelligent, supportive, gnc but proudly female. we were all the same yet so different, and different viewpoints were encouraged instead of suppressed. i was learning more about the world and my place in it every single day. for the first time in my life, i felt purpose. every since i was a little girl i had this foreboding sense that other people knew something i didn’t and that i was always “missing a piece of the puzzle”. that feeling disappeared after i became a radical feminist. 

since then, almost every feminist woman I’ve met has been such an inspiration to me, regardless of whether i like her or not. it’s actually funny that TRAs claim we have no sense of “kinship” as if women’s lands and festivals aren’t the ultimate expression of friendship and solidarity lol. i’m constantly floored especially by how kind and generous older women are to me, and how easily women my age accept me if i just allow them to. i love being a woman, i love other women, and i know that other women love me.

women in general do have a solidarity/kinship problem but this is simply not true of lesbian feminists and other radical feminists as a community. other women are our strength and lifeblood. after my ex and i broke up (it was messy girl) i wanted so badly to hate her but i literally couldn’t because i still loved her as a woman even if i didn’t love her as a partner anymore. to this day i would probably struggle to come up with a woman i actually “hate” bc it’s just not in my nature any more. my anons literally can’t relate lol 

yes radfems as a group aren’t perfect and we are generally “angry” but so are TRAs. the main difference is we direct our anger outwards rather than inwards. when i was 23 i submitted a letter to Lesbian Connection that included this paragraph that still sums up my views of being a TIF vs radfem completely:

“Realizing that my femaleness was the only thing that determined my gender– that I was born a woman and would die a woman despite not conforming to made up standards created by and for men, liberated me from the chains of believing I had been “born in the wrong body” and needed plastic surgery to fix myself. I was never born wrong and the fault never lay with me– it lay with the patriarchal society we all live in which forces females and males into incredibly limiting boxes.”

[we-are-inevitable]

it is not lost on me that a lot of my followers are young, and american, and i just wanted to hop on and say: we are going to be okay. i know this is a really scary time right now, but we’re going to make it. we have to. staying alive and thriving is the best way to shove it in their faces until direct action can be taken. there’s a reason we’ve all been drawn to newsies, right? the biggest lessons we can learn from the show are that community is vital and necessary for resistance, resilience is difficult but worth it, and even small actions can make a difference.

when trump was elected the first time in 2016, i was 14. i was 14, had just figured out i was queer, wasn’t touching my gender identity with a ten foot pole, and lived in a small town in deep-red Oklahoma. i was terrified for my future- and rightfully so. so many people were hurt and harmed, so many lives were ruined, and there was so much bad that it was hard to see the good— but the good was there. i saw it in mutual aid from all ages, whether it was kids sharing food in the cafeteria so everyone could eat or community organizers in my tiny town banding together to save the animal shelter. i saw good in neighbors helping neighbors, mowing each other’s lawns and bringing home-cooked meals to mourners in the wake of a loved one’s death. i saw good in activism all over the country, people marching for what’s right and sharing information and resources for people like me: young people trapped in places that made direct action difficult.

if you can only do one thing over the next few years, focus on your community. build each other up. support your queer and trans friends. support the people of color around you. listen and learn from disabled folk, from indigenous folk, from elders who have fought for our rights before and will do it again. it’s scary and overwhelming, but you don’t have to be the perfect activist when you’re focusing on surviving. just be there for your people, and your people will be there for you. it’s easy to feel helpless when you’re young and can’t do much, but you can do so much more than you think by being a community-minded person. i love you, i’m thinking about you, and i am wishing you all safety and comfort over the next few years.

[ken-tfc]

MY INTRODUCTION

HIIII my name is Kennett or Ken and i do art (alot.)

im the co creator of undertrack and a few more aus that im obsessed with hehe.

i like requests and asks ALOT, please dont spam my inbox with requests though like max 3 a day from one person bc i cant keep up.

in my posts you may find queer relationships and shipping in general so DNI if you dislike ships or if youre one of those "canon only" mfs

In my posts you may also find suggestive content (nothing too explicit) if that is something you REALLY don’t like than this blog might not be for you I fear

In my posts you will find other fandoms than just undertale (but it is my main)

bounderies:

please dont give unwarrented critisism unless im drawing one of your characters or specifically asked for it!

2. please dont tag me or use my characters in media discussing SA (you know who you are)

3. you may trace or use my art as bases as long as you PROPERLY credit me!

4. Do NOT feed my art into ai or claim it as your own >:/

FIND ALL MY ORIGINAL POSTS (not reblogs) UNDER #kennettrememberstopost

thats it for now!

also if you draw any of my character or use them in anything you dont need to credit me but i do like seeing it so a tag would be nice anyways!!

UNDERTRACK INTRUDUCTION

under track is an au made by me and my friend @fivebecomesnone !! With some input from @youregonnahavetime

Undertrack is an AU that features the survivors of a destroyed Universe.

As their universe was collapsing they created the train as a last resort to survive, once gathered onto the train they found out that instead of just going to a different universe and restarting life it was better to stay moving because they didn’t really wanna settle down. Currently they’re always travelling between universes transporting whoever has a ticket! (There’s a whole system for this, you can see examples from five’s post.)

IF YOU WANT MORE TECHNICAL INFO LIKE TICKET SYSTEM OR WORLD FUNCTIONS MAY I REDERECT YOU TO @fivebecomesnone BECAUSE THEYRE REALLY GOOD AT EXPLAINING !! (Also they made the system) They can also explain how to make tickets for your own characters if you want to make that!

We’re currently working on a lot of content for this AU so expect more posts along the way. Find all content of it under #undertrack !!

(Ps if you want to draw your undertale ocs and AUs into the train as a passenger feel free to do so hehe, also you may request me to draw that if you want a little doodle of it)

Thanks for reading chat, enjoy!!

[sebs-raging-with-testosterone]

this is my little corner of the internet, yes, and even if it’s tiny, and will stay that way for a while, i still will say what needs to be said and what is probably being thought about by millions of my fellows.

i’m a transdude. i’m pre-everything, and have an appointment set up with an endocrinologist next week that will probably help me get on testosterone. i’m 17-years-old. i’ve been out as a transguy, as anything queer for that matter, for a little over a year now.

i’m terrified. i did not plan on being another part of the vast majority of history that has come to exist in this country when i had first discovered myself and come out. i did not plan fearing for my life, my identity, literally every single second of the day. i know some already have to deal with that, and i know i already have to be careful, but this is a whole new level of fear.

and i’m currently in the depths of recovery from both SH and the beginning stages of an ED, both of which are constantly on my mind, same with SI, and now i have this. this was not a good timing at all. i’m terrified i might lose my internal battle before they can come for me, because of the fear that they will. (i’ll keep living, if purely in rebellion of them and in the intention to give my fellows hope and strength.)

but do i go stealth? i don’t pass, people will misgender me. should i not correct them when they do?

or should i wear my pronoun pin? should i do trans themed makeup when i go out? should i patch up some pants of mine, covered in patches that are speaking about the rights to my very existence?

or should i detransition for the time being? should i, to the outside world, become a girl?

should i just simply exist as i always have?

i don’t know what to do. i’m terrified. i want to help, help make some random queer stranger feel not so alone when they see my pronoun pin, help trans kids who are still in the closet know that we are still living when they see me out and about, help rebel against those who hate my every breath on this earth. but i don’t want to be killed. i don’t want my boyfriend, my sibling, (both of which are as equally queer as i am, only one is “visibly” so), my mom, to have to mourn someone, and see their loved one go down with history.

i have a life i want to live. what do i have to do to have it? what do i have to do in order to breathe anymore?

i’m terrified. i am. i really, truly am. and i’m unsure of what to do next, but i think my mind is pretty made up.

i’ll wear my pronoun pin. i’ll patch up some pants of mine. i’ll paint my face with trans themed makeup. i’ll live visibly queer and transgender. i’ll get on Testosterone. i’ll grow facial hair and i’ll speak deeply, as my chest is still visible.

i have every right to live my life as who i am, and to shout that from the treetops if i have to.

and i want all my queer, trans fellows to remember, and keep in mind, you are not alone. we have been here before, our community has been here before. we survived it ten million times before, now we have to survive it again and i’m unfortunately sure this is not the last time we’ll have to.

my advice: stick together. i know we’re all a bunch of socially awkward people, but this is your time to make connections. any trans or queer person, you two are now buddies, best friends, you have each other’s backs, and are always there for one another when they come to you randomly about anything under the sun. if you need someone like that right now, i’m your new buddy, i’m your new best friend, come to me any time of the day. if you aren’t in a situation where you can safely be out and the danger of your outness is pretty much entirely confirmed, don’t be out to those people/the public. if you can pass, pass. if you are visibly trans or queer, and you do have a safe/r place to do so, do so if you want to. but most of all, don’t give up on yourselves. it’s gonna be a rough 4 years, but i can promise you, we’re gonna survive, and that means you have to live. it’s hard, no one said it would be easy, but we got this. you are worthy of love, of acceptance, of support, of everything they say we aren’t. there is nothing wrong with you, and you don’t deserve death of any kind. if i keep living, you keep living. we can do this together, too.

we’re gonna get through this, together. STICK TO EACH OTHER LIKE GLUE, THEY WANT US SEPARATED SO WE HAVE LESS POWER!!!

[ineedpaigebuckets]

I have a request, maybe you can make it a short series 😭 I also had to ask chat gpt to organize it cause I can’t write for shit.

This is what I wrote on my notes app, but I’m going to put the organized version chat gpt gave me as well in another ask.

Anyway, pazzi!

Au pazzi fic where paige and azzi meet bc az family moves to MN and azzi is transferred to Hopkins HS, she meets paige there on the team but she has a gf on the cheerleading team.

They don’t get along at first bc azzi meets a guy her first day there who’s been trying to get with her, azzi likes him back, but what she doesn’t know is that this guy used to make derogatory remarks about paige (homophobia maybe or something else idk) and so paige thinks azzi knew that and still went out of her way to date him, now she thinks she’s straight and homophobic.

Azzi does think she’s straight, and really likes this guy she’s met but as time passes she gets uncomfortable with some things he says or his friends say. She thinks it’s because she knows there’s a lot of queer people in the wbb community, but deep down she worries it might be something else. She lets this comments slide or even laughs (anxiously) along with everyone else to feel “normal” but it feels wrong.

Paige overhears some of this things and it only makes her more mad at azzi, she’s found out they work incredibly well together on the court, insane chemistry, and thinks she can maybe get to know her, but after that she’s just upset about it, about her, she’s heard it before, from other people, from this group, but doesn’t know why she’s letting it hit her so hard when azzi does it.

Some people throw a house party and everyone’s going, the athletes, cheerleaders, azzi’s bf group, etc. Everyone’s drinking, paige is with her gf and some girls on the team and azzi’s with her bf and his friends playing beer pong. Paige and her gf have an argument over paige not stepping up to azzi but paige defends herself saying she can’t let outside conflicts affect the team and their game. Truth is they’ve been having relationship issues since before azzi moved to MN, but Paige’s gf always seemed to be back, this time, paige knew she was probably right, but she didn’t care, she was tired. They break up.

Azzi heard a bit of their argument before they went outside (she didn’t hear when they were talking about her). She felt a little bad, even though she didn’t have a good relationship with paige, nevertheless it was none of her business, until a friend of her bf saw paige come in alone and a little frustrated and said “ooh the dykes broke up again” and azzi’s bf and other friends laughed, this time, azzi wasn’t about to let it slide, maybe it was the liquor courage but she threw her cup of vodka at the guy who made the comment and then looked at her boyfriend and said “control your fucking dog” “if I hear any other bs about anyone on my team, we’re done”.

She then leaves not caring the guy who she got her drink spilled on was calling her a bitch between other insults. She goes to one of the rooms upstairs and lays down on the bed, pondering. Paige, after seeing that scene, goes looking for azzi, not even knowing why, it was none of her business, maybe it was the alcohol in her system. She finds the room azzi is in but not knowing what she was there do in the first place, tries to start an argument with her, azzi defends herself saying she just stood up for her, paige says that she didn’t before and that she was full of shit. They’re both heated and drunk, azzi’s out of words, she knows paige has a right to be angry and she doesn’t know what comes over her, but she starts crying. Paige feels bad and goes over to her, azzi apologizes, and they stay quiet while paige holds azzi for a minute. Paige doesn’t know what comes over her now, but she asks azzi to break up with her boyfriend.

Azzi is taken aback by the request, she knows it’s probably for the best but she doesn’t know why paige sounds like it’s more for her than it is for the sake of the team, etc. Still, azzi locks eyes with paige and tells her she will, if that is he isn’t with some other girl already, they laugh, then they stare at each other quietly. Azzi starts getting nervous and she says they should head back down, but paige grabs her hand and gives her a kiss on her cheek, azzi stares shocked, but it’s only right to do the same, right? She tries to kiss her cheek back but paige moves and they share a kiss on the lips. Azzi is embarrassed and immediately apologizes, but paige grabs her and they start making out, azzi pulls away after a while and says “I’m not gay, just drunk”.

Paige is shocked even though she should have expected this but says “ofc you are, way to ruin the moment”. They don’t know if it’s because they’re drunk but neither of them can get away, like they’re frozen, so they go at it again, until there’s a knock on the door, someone trying to go in but thank god it’s locked. They pretend azzi was throwing up in the bathroom inside the bedroom, and then go back to the party without saying another word to each other. Azzi finds her boyfriend cuddled up with another girl, they exchange words and break up, then she turns around to leave, until she sees paige go past by her and punches azzi’s now ex boyfriend. She’s pulled back by azzi and some other people around them.

Azzi drags Paige outside and argue a little about how azzi had it handled and didn’t need to be saved, paige says it was for herself and all the times he had something to say about her before, but being honest they both didn’t believe that. Paige gets frustrated and says the real reason azzi’s so bothered by this is because of what happened upstairs, they argue some more and then part ways, they’re back to square one.

Idk where to go from there, just very angsty, good ending though pls lol 😞

oh my god i love you!!! i WILL be writing this whenever i can trust me it will be a multi part series of you wanna dm me PLEASE i'll give you credit and like i literally love you 🤩

[louisjude]

this is my thoughts on what has been shown to us on screen/in canon from the perspective of someone who shipped bvdd!e and was deadset on them being endgame until seeing what unfolds in season 7 and why i slowly came to the realization that bvdd!e may forever stay fanon and choosing to embrace bucktommy rather than making it my enemy because buck is my favorite character and seeing him happy makes me happy.

certain 7x04 spec/response: buck is misconstruing his feelings for tommy with what he’s actually feeling for eddie, because it’s obvious he was trying to eddie’s attention not tommy’s—well at least tommy gave buck his queer awakening so that means bvdd!e canon is possible!

what actually happened: buck made an effort to try and get to know tommy, his attempts to get close with tommy are interrupted by eddie. so buck spends the rest of the episode desperately trying to get invited to hangout with tommy too, because buck is a silly goofball who’s unknowingly crushing hard and too nervous to ask tommy to hangout again in fear of rejection or eddie and him already having plans. buck fully processes what he was doing was for tommy’s attention right before they kiss which gives tommy a 🚨gay🚨signal. tommy being buck’s queer awakening is about buck and buck alone. tim minear confirms the entire episode was a bait and switch and that eddie was the red herring to the audience. at no point in the episode does eddie indicate having feelings for buck, in fact eddie doesn’t even realize he’s been unintentionally leaving buck out and feels bad about it.

continued below ⬇️

certain 7x05 spec/response: photo stills release. everyone is so sure that eddie and marisol will be sat across from buck and tommy and eddie is going to grow jealous watching them. this doesn’t end up happening but thats ok. as the episode continues we’re sure tommy isn’t going to return and eddie will continue his catholic guilt arc which will lead to his own gay realization. buck comes out to maddie and it’s almost feels like maddie knows buck has feelings for eddie with her “if theres something you need to tell eddie, you will” line (because of previous dialogue like bucks boy crush on eddie) we get buck then coming out to eddie which we think might spark up eddies feelings as well after finding out his best friend he has unknown feelings for is bisexual. marisol moving out means marisol bones soon, yay! buck asks tommy for a second chance, not what we wanted but ig it’s fine because tommy can be buck’s first boyfriend to show him the queer lifestyle.

what actually happened: buck is entirely too nervous but excited to be on a date with tommy. tommy seemingly knows how to make buck and blushing mess which is something we haven’t really seen before and its adorable. buck gets overwhelmed and screws himself over with his “hot chicks” line which he absolutely did not need to say at all when eddie and marisol run into them. we’re given conflict within the date because we need to see buck fully embrace this new queer side of himself, and although the storyline overall is fairly lighthearted the way tim and oliver wanted, it’s still good to show what it’s really like for a lot of newly realized queer people, especially someone in their 30s who isn’t necessarily ashamed but is still coming to terms with the fact that they are queer and having to tell people after spending so long as presumably “straight”. especially a masculine man like evan buckley. the rest of the episode has buck mourning what he could have has with tommy because he really likes him, he accidentally comes out to maddie because he can’t stop talking about how stupid he felt ruining his chance, maddie tells him he’s not a fraud, that he obviously is nervous to tell eddie because that’s his best friend and a queer man coming out to their (atp, canonically) straight friend is a scary thing to do. he doesnt want things to change between them. we eventually get to see buck coming out to eddie and seeking acceptance from eddie which he automatically is given. its a weight off his shoulders, his best friend accepts him and reminds him it changes absolutely nothing between then and in fact, eddie tells buck to call tommy because buck admits he cannot stop thinking about him but is scared of rejection again. tommy agrees to meet with him and they actually have a very beautiful conversation, buck takes responsibility for his behavior on their date, tommy assures buck he isn’t really upset about it because it was mostly about not wanting to pressure buck into something he wasn’t ready for. buck then assures tommy he is ready for something and thinks that something could be with him. their coffee date sweetly ends with tommy agreeing to be bucks date to maddie and chim’s wedding and then holding hands.

now this is where i truly started to lose my rose-colored shipping glasses and where the plot became completely lost to me.

certain 7x06 spec/response: the karaoke scene is going to be huge for bvdd!e. tommy not dressing up for the bachelor party is red flag behavior. they didn’t have to write him being on standby, even he’s on standby he could have worn an 80s band tee. he put in no effort meanwhile bvdd!e have matching costumes*. buck and eddie are going to drunkenly kiss/almost kiss which causes tension between them. buck and tommy will end up broken up.

what actually happened: tommy showed up to the bachelor party despite being on standby, meaning he could have open been there for 5 minutes before having to leave. no one else dressed up in costume or 80s themed, tommy wasn’t the only one. tommy only leaves because he gets called into work and promises buck he’ll try his best to make it to the wedding. buck is visibly upset but they hug and buck even tells him to be safe. most of the episode afterwards is chimney focused and at the end we get tommy showing up for buck, sooty, grimey in his turnout gear because he didn’t even bother getting changed because he wanted to show up for buck. tommy is showing he will put in effort of buck, even if it means not sleeping for at least 12 hours and showing up after fighting a fire all night and day. they kiss in the middle of the hospital, buck brings tommy to the hospital room with soot all over his face, basically coming out to everyone including his parents. buck is showing he’s not anxious to let people know he’s queer anymore which is a huge contrast from 7x05.

certain 7x09 spec/response: eddie is shown after buck gets his award, this points to bvdd!e endgame because everyone else has their loved ones shown after their medals. tommy’s comment about “enjoy while is lasts” is rude and pointing to bucktommy bones. the still we thought was between eddie and buck isn’t right but! buck still shows up at eddies house to confront him, ditching tommy for eddie.

what actually happened: yes, each character has their loved ones shown on screen after their medals, but i think the reason they chose eddie for after buck was because he was the last one called and it easily fit as his named is called while he’s on screen. also no one denies eddie and buck love each other, it just may not be romantic. tommy’s comment perfectly shows how he and buck contrast each other but work very well together as well. it’s very black cat x golden retriever vibes between them from what we’ve been shown. it’s also mostly there to foreshadow the return of gerrard. buck doesn’t ditch tommy for eddie because buck doesn’t stay all night, surely it’s implied buck still went to tommy’s afterwards. buck goes to eddies because he’s genuinely worried for his friend, thats what friends do for each other, tommy can wait an hour more for buck it’s not a big deal.

certain 7x10 spec/response: buck is going to ditch his date with tommy for eddie. bucktommy bones!

what actually happened: eddie fucks up bad. buck is there for eddie because he’s a good friend. buck and tommy’s date isn’t interrupted at all, in fact it’s nice that it was squeezed into the episode to show were their relationship is currently at. tommy can tune into buck’s emotions, he can tell needs to say something and asks if he’s okay. they’re still on getting to know each other terms but are becoming comfortable sharing vulnerable things about themselves to each other. they’re also openly flirting and being sexually suggestive with each other. bucktommy bones… oh boy. they sure do.

after each speculation became untrue, proven wrong, people seemed to double down on their toxic behavior and hatred of a fictional couple/person because they weren’t getting what they wanted to the point of harassment towards cast, crew and other fans. now im not saying all bucktommy shippers are angels, but the hostile reaction of people from one subset of the fandom left a bad taste in my mouth. most accounts i enjoyed i ended up blocking due to toxicity and their outright bullying towards those who enjoyed bucktommy even if they still believed in bvdd!e endgame. no im not embarrassed of being a multishipper or ‘jumping ship’ (i still ship bvdd!e i’m just convinced it’ll stay fanon atm) it’s a completely normal thing to happen in fandom, it’s not a sin to begin liking other ships or to start shipping characters with other people that you previously shipped with someone else. there’s a reason people enjoy buck and tommy together and it’s not because we just want to see two men kiss, that argument is so overused and bullshit because mlm ships so prominent in fandom you could use that argument for literally every mlm ship in existence that you hate. despite the echo chamber certain toxic fans are in, bucktommy has been well received by the GA and other 911 fans who couldn’t care less about buck and eddie as a ship. overall, this does not mean your ship isn’t valid, canonicity is not the end all be all of ships, it’s about having fun and being creative. it’s when you start trying to deny canon and villainize characters/ships/shippers simply because it exists that causes people to start making posts exactly like this.