#we were both hurt and betrayed in the same ways. but we also learned from it in the same ways. and now it’s something we share

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

I am the happiest person on earth right now because I just went out with a friend to grab a late lunch and it was just supposed to be a quick casual catch up thing that turned into a 4 hour conversation in the car about things that happened to us almost a decade ago 🥲

[sepublic]

Unlocking the Sad Backstory

I find it interesting how a lot of arcs in TOH have this general pattern of…

Character hurts others -> Character is unhappy, reconsiders their harm -> Character begins to do better -> Character’s sad backstory that re-contextualizes them is unlocked

And it applies even to characters that aren’t exactly villains or even antagonists, but for whom hurting someone nevertheless is a major premise! So to look at examples;

Amity is Willow and Luz’s bully, but we see how she’s unfairly manipulated by Lilith and is ashamed because of it. Luz reaching out to her makes Amity reconsider, she undoes the binding oath she placed on Luz. Then we see Amity’s siblings and how both parties are toxic to one another, and then we get a flashback confirming her parents are abusive. In regards to Willow specifically, Amity acknowledges she’s done harm to Willow in burning her memories, and works to fix them with Luz before we get this context.

Emira and Edric are also toxic to Amity, but in their next appearance they’re remorseful about what they’ve done to Amity, they’re working to make it up to their baby sister. And while they’re not present in the aforementioned flashback, their parents being confirmed as abusive tells you everything you need to know about them.

Lilith has a petty rivalry with Eda, but we see how much she cares and keeps breaking the law to look the other way, too. Then we see how she’s pressured by the Emperor’s Coven, and even threatened by Belos, before she captures Eda. We learn of her curse, but again; We see Lilith next and it’s reiterated that she believes this will cure Eda, we remember wanting to be kinder happened after cursing Eda. We see Lilith attempt to free Eda, and then we get the backstory about how the curse was mostly an accident. We get more info later on how Gwen’s neglect contributed to Lilith’s inferiority complex.

Hunter is the Golden Guard, he threatens to boil Luz, Eda, and King to death and wants the Selkidomus dead, but won’t even do it himself. He kidnaps Palismen to feed to Belos. But then later we see how he’s unhappy over his situation, how he feels like his uncle won’t let him help. Hunter begins to show consideration towards Flapjack and later Luz when he reveals his name, and then we get context as to how physically abusive Belos is, and where that scar came from. Flapjack returns and Hunter spares him.

Alador is either a controlling abuser to Amity, or a neglectful one. But he does hold his wife accountable when she tries to betray their daughter by going back on her end of the deal, and later shows genuine love for Amity when Alador isn’t more concerned about the family’s socioeconomic status. Amity admits how unhappy she is, Alador realizes he truly is hurting his daughter, and promises to talk with his wife over this. We later see him try, and then we see that Alador is also abused, and it’s implied his neglect comes from overworking himself in exchange for his children being spared the same.

Boscha is a bully, through and through. She torments everyone for purely petty reasons. But she also admits to feeling similar pressure as Willow, and then confesses to being lonely without Amity, Skara, Amelia, or Cat. Amity acknowledges that Boscha is lonely, but points out that Boscha needs to respect her for who she is. Boscha listens, and helps stop Kikimora. In the credits we see fully that she really was a miserable, scared child being manipulated by a grown adult.

The Collector is aiding Belos�� genocide, and (seemingly) knowingly. But they’re also fretful over the nature of their ‘friendship’ and are left betrayed and hurt. They meet King, and after being freed by him, we see how they try to be a good friend to King and are slowly listening to him bit by bit, which is why King vouches for rehabilitation over imprisonment. The Collector is already against harm to a certain point, defying what the Archivists mandate. And then we learn that they were unjustly imprisoned by the Titan, and didn’t even know about death in their childish, simplistic view of the world, seeing people as only broken and unmoving yet capable of being fixed at any time, if all the parts are there.

Gwen makes Eda feel ashamed of her curse, she neglects Lilith. But she does care for at least one daughter, and is horrified when she realizes the harm her antivaxxer actions have done. Gwen makes things up not only to Eda, but Lilith especially in taking her back home, even as Gwen explains during her reconciliation that she honestly saw Lilith as self-sufficient. And then a few episodes later, we find out her husband was mauled and left disabled by the curse, unable to continue his life’s work. And we get even more context for Gwen’s obsession in curing her daughter of the condition that gave her so much guilt.

Camila made Luz feel unwanted at home, going along with the camp, and her outburst later on was the wrong call; But she’s not punished for it, that’s not necessary. Instead she apologizes, we see Camila worry about the camp taking away Luz’s passion by salvaging her daughter’s weirdness for her, we see her be accommodating to Luz and her friends when she returns, having reflected in that time, and offering support. And then we learn that Camila was just like Luz, she fit in to survive, and she lost Manny, someone she needed to stand up for herself.

Bump is introduced as a principal willing to dissect Luz, but he also appreciates Willow’s magic and vouches for her to her parents. We see that he’s actually open-minded and cares about his students, he lets Eda enroll Luz on the fair grounds that Eda clear her own messes; Bump insists on following the coven system and places students into the detention track, but when those kids save the day, Bump owns up to a mistake he clearly didn’t like anyhow and changes things. And then we see his past, and how he’s been improving things this whole time, challenging Faust and looking out for Eda!

Even Steve technically qualifies; He’s a covenscout, he’s a jerk who knocks over someone else’s books to express his cop enthusiasm. But Steve forgives Skara for punching him in the face because he kidnapped her, and then admits to Hunter that what they’ve done is wrong, and he’s now reconsidering. Afterwards Steve has his introspective interactions with King, and then we see his face; Implying (and eventually confirmed by Dana) that he is the older brother that Mattholomule spoke of, who gave him the map to the Looking Glass Ruins that Adrian, in the previous episode, admitted he couldn’t find; Because Steve gave away the map to make his kid brother happy.

Likewise, I want to discuss two characters who don’t exactly fit this sequence, and don’t mature or get better, not of their own volition for one:

Kikimora is Belos’ assistant, she’s complicit in his executions. She tries to murder Hunter out of nothing but jealousy, helps bring Raine to Terra, goes after everyone at the Knee, etc. But then we see Kikimora is miserable because of her unsympathetic mother, who is probably abusive; She has no consideration that her daughter is obligated to their dictator, who demonstrated on live television that he’ll execute even his own high-ranking officials if they don’t go along with him, and Kikimora was there in-person. And is now expected to help with a major event involving other high-ranking officials and the dictator himself.

So we get Kikimora hurting people, being unhappy, and having a sad backstory; But we don’t have Kikimora reconsider the harm she’s doing. She accepts Luz’s help for her own sake, and instead of empathizing with Luz as a result, Kikimora betrays her when she sees a potential promotion. Kikimora is let down, we see later that she’s been demoted to the Crate Coven.

But then she attempts to bring Hunter to Belos, and it’s revealed later that she knows what happens to Grimwalkers like him, and has known about the genocide and still went along out of obsessive devotion. Despite this, Kikimora does not warrant Belos’ callousness, it’s not triumphant it’s just cruel because he was going to kill her just for being a demon, villain or saint it didn’t matter. So Kikimora is given her revenge when she helps free the Collector, who splatters Belos, an injury that leads to his eventual death, and stops the draining spell, saving Kikimora’s own life in the process!

At which point, you think she’d learn, right? But instead Kikimora does the exact same thing as Belos, which Luz calls out, despite having had her pedestal shattered because Kikimora doesn’t care about the harm to others, only herself. And so she can only temporarily be an ally, before going back to being an antagonist; The system is fine if she’s in charge, she doesn’t learn anything from what happened. And Kikimora is captured by rebelling students, and forced into community service four years later.

There’s also Belos, whom… Okay do I even need to explain??? We learn that he is upset by his brother’s death and misses him, too. And he does feel guilt about murdering Caleb and even the Grimwalkers, they weren’t purely replaceable in his eyes! But he never reconsiders his harm, he keeps repeating it, he never changes. Belos doesn’t even acknowledge that he’s doing witches and demons wrong. And while we do get his backstory, it’s clear from his priorities, the details, and Masha and the Titan’s own takeaways that he fully chose his misery, and that his backstory is not so sad with this in mind.

I wonder if the takeaway is that these characters can’t truly get better because in the end, they won’t acknowledge the harm they’ve done; They won’t admit it, they won’t do anything about it. And so they can only be counted on to care about making themselves feel better, but that’s it. And so on a pragmatic level, co-existence has to be forced.

Because with Kikimora, she’s made to do community service, and with prisons being abolished for hospitals, she’s likely on house arrest because the alternative is execution and no state should have that power. And with Belos, he proved himself too dangerous, he was well past his lifespan and dying anyway, and they were not going to sacrifice even a single, unwilling Palisman to keep Belos alive.

As for all the other characters, for whom things do work out with? I find it interesting how Sad Backstory is something for the protagonists and viewers to unlock. Maybe the idea is that the protagonists aren’t prepped to forgive a character simply over what happened in the past, just what’s happening now, and what they’re trying to do about it. You can still empathize when they’re sad, even without a backstory for context because look at Luz during Covention!

But as a whole it makes sense for the takeaways of those around them, because why should I care that you were sad, if you’re still being a jerk anyway? Now I know your sad backstory, but you’ve known it the whole time you were hurting me, so what difference does it make about you if you’re not changing; Do you just expect me to keep forgiving you out of pity?

It could be a consideration for what characters around them might realistically feel. The sad backstory, the re-contextualizing for why they’re like that, is the cherry on top to their arc; Yes this person sucks, but maybe they aren’t having a great time either. They give people a reason to be sympathetic. And then those people get to really appreciate their side of the story when they don’t have to worry about still being hurt.

Maybe it’s also a message to the audience, because with other characters showing that you still need to be careful in extending a hand, and given the toxic and abusive relationships we see, maybe this could be the context for that? An abuser’s sad backstory is the last thing on your mind; Your first thought should be that they’re hurting you.

But if they’re looking for help and actually want to improve, then you can offer it, and if they accept, then you can let yourself be caught up over their tragic past, instead of making excuses for them from the get-go because of that, RIP Hunter. When it comes to Willow, she was allowed to be angry well after learning Amity’s Sad Backstory, when she felt Amity wasn’t pulling her weight in making up for everything.

By contrast we have Eda not really giving a damn whether the curse was an accident, because Lilith still took knowingly took Luz hostage and threatened her, captured Eda. So her present actions are being unaddressed even if Lilith thinks her past one is. And when King vouches for Lilith, Eda refrains from taking vengeance; Lilith saving the family and taking the curse, past and present actions made up for, culminates in forgiveness.

It’s not enough that Lilith felt bad about it, she needed to tangibly do something about it, something genuine that doesn’t miss the point (unlike a certain emperor), and so to a no-nonsense adult like Eda, that’s when she can be forgiven. That’s when her sad backstory resonates, just as for the audience, that’s when we learn it so we can even appreciate it at all.

Some of this may just be basic storytelling conventions, like of course you’re going to get the character first and their characterizing actions, and then their backstory. But then again you could just as easily mix things up. Or it could just be an extension of this show’s larger fascination with re-contextualizing previous scenes and details. I just think it’s an interesting pattern to dwell over, and I wonder if it was intentional, how much was intentional, etc. Because with a show wanting to help kids understand abuse, to avoid it and/or realize it’s happening to them, to get help and heal, and finally figure out if they should forgive their abusers, if they want to… All of this could work in that regard.

[missholloween]

The only characters that sing (and in a way, twist) the Great Astronomical Discoveries motif during TGMH apart from the Stratfords are Benjamin and John. And let me tell you, I love what they do with it.

Benjamin's take comes first, during Benjamin's Appartment/The Radiance. After days of listening to the Stratfords talk about their hoax, of seeing how they meticulously crafted their stories and the world clamor them, Benjamin has finally given up and is ready to betray the Stratfords. So, he invites Margaret to his appartment to reveal their hoax. Benjamin uses the same language he's learned from the Stratfords, and so, the great astronomical discoveries motif starts playing.

For the first time in the album, it's not a victorious melody: it doesn't sound grandious anymore, it doesn't have any build up, it's just Benjamin and a piano. Curt Mega's performance is really sober, as he's trying to cover up his own emotions. He only fails to do so in "to advance their own career", where he bitterly laughs, losing the beat for a second. Although a bass and another string section join for the climax they quickly go away, as Margaret also joins the sad melody. Even if Great Astronomical Discoveries brought the Stratfords fame and renown, it has also deceived and hurt many. It is satisfying to hear two of its victims sing it then.

That's also why, in John's Choice, it's Herschel's time to speak, we are expecting something similar to happen. The music stops, all the characters await, and Herschel starts to talk... And the melody is More Than This. It's subtle, and one may not notice it on their first listening or if they're not that familiar with the soundtrack. But then there's a crescendo, and John starts singing Great Astronomical Discoveries.

The passion, the energy, the love that comes from John's voice (in another amazing performance by Curt) blows away both the audience and the characters that were there. He has the same accompaniment as Rose and Samuel did, but there's a key difference: there's no harmonies. And it doesn't matter, because really, what a chilling performance. There's also something very poetic about John taking the Stratford's position and being in control of his story after all the hoax.

TL;DR I love the Great Astronomical Discoveries and everything Matt does with it in part 3 of TGMH. Curt totally kills it every time he sings it in any way <3

[yandere-avatar]

Yandere! Team Korra Headcanons

Wishing my friend a happy birthday! <3 [Even though he's kind of a loser]

You met Korra first, since she was the Avatar. You were smitten with her, but thought she was out of your league, so you didn't pursue

The next person you met was Bolin and he was sweet and quick to sweep you off your feet

You slowly become part of Team Avatar. You fit in well and Bolin makes it easier for you to fit in

When learning you are not a bender, Asami is quick to teach you how to defend yourself. Besides, you're dating boys who are brothers

You become very close and anyone can see it. In fact, Bolin becomes a little jealous and you both get into a fight

"Well, maybe we should break up!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" And then you leave, letting your words really sink into Bolin's mind. He knows he fucked up

You do eventually make up again, but you don't want to date him again

Mako didn't like you for a while, for hurting his brother's feelings, but once he spends some one on one time with you, a thought in the back of his mind appears. You were out of Bolin's league and maybe it was for the best you both broke up... Besides, he could probably treat you better anyway

He tries to get you to like him, even though he knows it's wrong

Bolin's not happy about it, but seeing you happy makes him all giddy and happy, so he let's go of his resentment. Though, he's still protective over you, so if his brother breaks your heart, he'll beat him up

Asami finds out you're dating Mako, even though you tried to hide it, because they used to date, but she seems okay with it-

Well, that's not true. You suspect she's jealous- But not because you're dating him, but because he's dating you?

She'll bring up bad things he did when she was dating him

"I just want you to have the best, because that's what you deserve and while he is my friend even after everything, I still think you deserve better"

Girl was out to ruin your relationship from the beginning

Though, Mako being Mako, he does end up fucking up the relationship on accident

He tried to apologize, but you couldn't forgive him

You found comfort in Asami, just like she wanted

You avoid dating her for a while, in fear of being a 'Homie hopper'

When you and Mako get back on better terms, you talk about it with him

He seemed okay with it, though he'd rather you be single, but he knows Asami, so you'll still be close to him, even if you date Asami

Korra was always sweet to you, but never anything that made you think she felt something special about you

You two are friends, but don't date, not until later, when she starts doubting her abilities

You're there for her and she gains an emotional attachment to you

She realizes she's in love with you, but you're dating Asami

Asami has been so good to her, just like you, so she couldn't betray Asami like that

Bolin and Korra are much more laid back and more willing to let you do as you please

You can get away with a lot more with them. Especially Bolin

Asami and Mako are stricter and restrict what you can and can't do

Mako is the strictest and you can't get anything past him

Asami wants you to like her and when realizing you get along better with Korra and Bolin, she tries to be more laid back

Though, when Korra gets hurt, you try and stay with her

She tells you no- The world needs protector, especially since she can't do it. She also doesn't want you seeing her like this. She feels weak and helpless

Korra is the only one who hides her feelings for you

The only way you find out is because she accidentally lets it slip to Asami

Asami is surprisingly open to the idea of a throuple

She knows that she can't always protect you, but Korra can. You'd always be safe if you were with Korra

They try and make you seem weaker than you are, because they all want to protect you

They know that something is wrong with them and with each other, but they find peace in that they all feel the same way for you. They love you, so who cares if other people don't understand- They do.

[thatfrailsoul]

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P.s. See the full painting at the end!♡

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Slow down for a moment. Allow your heart to guide you, to tell you if there is really a message here for you... And whatever the answer is, feel free to listen to it or to let go. Remembering that when you will be ready or will have the need, your true message will find its way to you.♡

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This wait, this hope, this constant search for more in this situation and the grip of pain that your heart holds on you... It is doing much worse, it is hurting you much deeper, than they ever did. Than they or anyone ever could.

All because of the profound love for them, for you, for your hearts together. For your connection and your story. For what you were and what you could've been. All because of that love that simply doesn't want to accept this ending, doesn't want to ruin the memory of that fairytale with the reality of it all.

Convinced that if you do accept it, surrender to this cruel and not at all magical end... It will invalidate everything that you felt. Transforming that deep and sweetly overwhelming love... In just delusion, another mistake, another wound on your tired heart. Another lie. Another fantasy and its destruction.

Another you that is too naive, too romantic, just too good. Who stayed allowing yet another person to betray and hurt you. A person that, no matter what happened and all this pain, you still remember so tenderly. Incapable of seeing them as someone that could've done for you so little, or perhaps, that done to you so much.

But it doesn't need to be black or white, only one thing or another. It doesn't need to be a perfect story from the start to end to be worth it. Because there isn't a perfect one. The ups and downs, the realizations, mistakes and learning, lies and truths, are exactly what make a story worth to be lived and listened to. Worth to be remembered and carried in our hearts.

You don't need to be only a hopeful or a cautious person. They don't need to be a dreamy lover or a villain in disguise. Your story, your moments, don't need to be only sweet and tender or false and cruel... They can be both. They can be sour and sweet at the same time. They can be heart wrenching but still right.

The same way you can cherish the connection you've shared and love them, while still accepting this ending. Letting it go and recognising that it's moment to stop.

Because not everything that is beautiful, good, and so deep, needs to exist forever. And perhaps it's what it gives more worth, and allows us to cherish it. Truly. In the memories of what we lost, but that we still had a chance to love.

P.s. For personal guidance, reviews from my clients, and more... take a look at my linktree.♡

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What you are holding onto.. is very different from what you tell yourself in your mind. It's different from them, from your story, from the moments that you've created and shared before ending it all... No matter how sweet, tender, warm it all were...

What you are holding onto is something that never happened, but that could've been real if only you had more time together. If only one of you tried more, if only one of you listened more, hoped more, waited more...

You are holding onto what could've been. Unable to let go of the person that felt so vivid, that made you feel so deeply, because they were the last one that your heart had the courage to connect with. And deep down you fear that it was not only the last person, but also the last chance, the last forces and faith that you've had in finding the right one.

But it's okay to let go of them. It is safe for you to let this connection end, for your heart too. It is safe, right, for you to surrender and let this love fade. Because you will never be so lonely as you will be while waiting for them to change their mind. You will never be as hurt as when your gaze meets only their fading foot prints, while they keep walking away without turning back. It will never be worse, than what you feel now as you put yourself in a cage, convincing you on your own that this is all that there is and will be for your heart.

It is scary, it is tiring, to start all over again. Without knowing if you will have at all a chance to create something new, if you will have the strength to let someone new into your life. But in this worry there will be also excitement. In that uncomfortable fear and uncertain steps, there will also be so many beginnings, new experiences, new feelings. That you will let in as soon as you will realize that only because it was so strong, so overwhelming, so important... It is not the only option and way to find love. To experience love. Not the only person to be loved by, not the only way to be treated and cherished. Not the only right chance and way for your heart to tremble so sweetly, making you feel alive again.

P.s. For personal guidance, reviews from my clients, and more... take a look at my linktree.♡

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Will it be worth it or not... Will depend only on you. But not in how it will end, what else can be done or what you can come up with to make them have a change of heart... The worth of it all will depend only and truly on what you will learn, what you will choose to understand and remember from this, keeping it from now forward in your heart as you walk through this life.

It will depend on how you will choose to see yourself, the narrative that you will tell about what happened and how you lived and felt it. It will depend on if you will once again conclude that you were not worthy or good enough, that you needed or need to do more, to give more, to convince more...

Overlooking this time too, how much you already gave of yourself, the work you've done, the readiness and courage of your heart that kept fighting and hoping. And that even now, overwhelmed with this love that doesn't seem to vanish, still looks for a reason that can excuse them, their decisions and how they treated your soul.

Because at the end of it all... You are not waiting for them to come back because of them, of their love, of their heart... But you are waiting for your own self and what them returning would mean, would demonstrate, about your worth to your own heart and mind.

But you don't need them, or anyone else to be worthy. You don't need to be chosen by them to demonstrate it and make it true. You can do it only by yourself. By what you think about your own self. The worth that you give to your own self and the parts of you that you are ready to change and sacrifice for others again and again.

Let them go. It's all ended now. There is nothing more that you can or should do. Because you already did so much. And the fact that it is still not right, not enough for them, is not your responsibity. It doesn't say a thing about you but says a lot about them, and perhaps their wounded, confused and tired hearts and minds.

They know their worth, they know what is best for them, they choose it even if it hurts others prioritizing themselves. And so you too can. Your worth, your deserviness, your love, is not categorised and determined by others and how much they choose you above someone else, including themselves.

It is only determined by how much you understand that someone is not right for you, for one reason or another, letting them go. Instead of trying to change it and make them stay, to hold together the story you chose to tell yourself now about you and your connection with them. It is not determined by how much you hold onto them or someone on you... But only on how much you hold onto yourself.

P.s. For personal guidance, reviews from my clients, and more... take a look at my linktree.♡

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"In the Boudoir", Delphin Enjolras, 1857–1945

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[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis (and Critique) of Lea's Japanese KH3 Character Arc

(Japanese Translation) Roxas: No matter how many times you disappear, I'll always bring you back. Axel: Yeah. Roxas: Got it memorized? Axel: It's a promise between best friends.

Nomura said that in his mind, KH3 begins at DDD, so that is where I'll start with this analysis. At the beginning of Axel's arc, he had a dream where Roxas reminded him, "You made us a promise". Us.

Lea said the same lines, “Why do I always get the icky jobs,” and “I’ll always be there to bring you back,” to Xion in KH Days when he brought her back. Does he remember that? Nomura: The nature of the being known as Xion and all memories to do with her were erased, but he would remember other things. (KH3D Ultimania, May 2012)

We the audience know that he also made that promise to Xion. But Axel didn't remember her anymore. However, it was implied that he did remember making that promise to someone besides Roxas.

Xigbar and Saix appeared as members of Organisation XIII. Did they return as humans like Lea and the others? Nomura: The conditions of becoming a human have been met, so you’d think they had returned, wouldn’t you? For them to have been with Xehanort and the others, perhaps they were collected after they had become humans and before Lea and the others woke up. You could say the same for the members of Organisation XIII that didn’t appear in this title, however… I’d rather everyone use their imaginations. (KH3D Ultimania, May 2012)

This scene is from the HD Re:Coded movie, and it takes place shortly before DDD starts. It shows Young Xehanort and Braig physically taking Isa before everyone woke up. Xehanort has had his eye on Isa for a long time. He knew exactly where to find him due to the sigil.

Lea: That's me. Dilan, Aeleus, Even, Ienzo—We're people again. But only the ones who joined the Organization here. I guess Xehanort doesn't count, but where are Braig and…Isa?

Axel awakens in the Heartless Manufactory. Unlike the others, he was still wearing the Organization XIII black robe. The fact that both he and Isa were not wearing the same clothing as the apprentices when they lost their hearts implies that their status was different from the other apprentices. IMHO, it was always heavily implied that they were subjects of the experiments on the darkness of the heart.

I really liked this scene because it was reminiscent of the scene from 0.2 where Aqua faced her shadow while looking in the Magic Mirror. Axel was now face-to-face with Lea. His other self. Now that he was human again, he would have to confront his past and all the emotional baggage he'd been running away from up until then.

There was a sense of dramatic tension when Lea finally uttered Isa's name, highlighting the deep emotional history between them. And unlike all of the other apprentices, Isa wasn't there. Along with Braig, he had mysteriously disappeared, setting the stage for Lea's journey.

(Japanese Translation) Lea: Ah, this is such a hassle. What about the idea that they weren't recompleted at all? What do you think of that? Ienzo: That would be— Lea: No, never mind. I'll go search for them. Ienzo: Huh? How are you going to do that? Lea: My role is the same as usual.

It wasn't TOO obvious as to spoil the eventual twist, but it was still heavily implied that Isa was the other person Lea made that promise to. And the fact that Lea was going to go find him to keep that promise was a significant turning point for his character development. Saix was the one who mortally wounded Axel in KH2. He hurt and betrayed him in the deepest possible way. For him to immediately go to bring him back demonstrated such a profound sense of love and forgiveness on Lea's part. I found it very touching, and it only made me want to learn about their past even more.

Is he still able to pass through the Corridors of Darkness like before? Nomura: Diz is also human and can pass through the Corridors of Darkness. Since Lea has the memories of being Axel, he saw the message Ansem wrote on the wall in Radiant Garden and thought that was the only way he could travel. Of course, using the Corridors frequently is dangerous. (Famitsu, May 2012)

It was also interesting that Lea was the only human member of the Organization who could still use the corridors of darkness. And Lea's dialogue hinted that this ability was something he had used before as a human as well. I don't think this was the first time Isa had disappeared. DiZ and the Beast were the only other non-Nobodies who were able to traverse the corridors of darkness. DiZ had this ability due to the hatred in his heart. And the Beast because of his desire to bring back Belle. Lea likely had a mix of both sentiments.

Why did Lea visit Disney Castle when he should have been looking for his friend? Nomura: To search for his friend he needed the power to move between worlds, and there is no way to do that other than become a Keyblade Wielder. At the time, wanting to be made a Keyblade Wielder, Lea saw a message recorded by Ansem the Wise in the past and, knowing it was dangerous, used the Corridors of Darkness once more to go talk with King Mickey and the others. That’s why after Maleficent left he was asking at the Mysterious Tower. (KH3D Ultimania, May 2012)

I loved the scene where Lea proudly reclaimed his human name. Naturally, he didn't want to be referred to with the name Xemnas gave him anymore. And it sends the message to the player that Lea is not the same as Axel from KH2. Axel tried to turn Sora into a Heartless by targeting Kairi, something he was ashamed of and gave up his life to atone for. Lea had moved on from that goal. He wanted to be on the side of light, wielding a Keyblade. But his motivation for wielding a Keyblade was simple. He just wanted the ability to safely travel between the worlds so he could continue to look for Isa.

Who are the thirteen researchers of darkness? Nomura: Thirteen seekers of darkness that share a consciousness and heart with Master Xehanort, serving as raw material for the X-Blade. In this game, they failed in their attempts to make Sora the 13th of their ranks, but who's to become the 13th in his stead? And who are the six whose identities have not been revealed? Nomura: Time was stopped just as Master Xehanort was materializing. So he moved his consciousness to Young Xehanort’s body. Reacting to this, King Mickey exclaimed, “That’s impossible!” Young Xehanort was holding a Keyblade that he originally wasn’t able to handle thanks to Master Xehanort’s power. Though the keychain on it is different, the Keyblade he takes out is Master Xehanort’s. (Famitsu, May 2012)

Nomura referred to the seekers of darkness as "raw material" who shared a consciousness and heart with Master Xehanort. He did not need their mind or will; only their body. MX literally moved his consciousness over to Saix's body and controlled him like a puppet.

By the way, Braig’s dealings with Master Xehanort in Birth by Sleep make sense, he was to become a vessel. Nomura: There is a certain reason for Braig to proudly exclaim, “As for me, I’m already half Xehanort.” Isa (Saix) is included too. I think you’ll understand the details about their circumstances eventually. (Famitsu, May 2012)

When Lea first began training, he could not summon a Keyblade. Yen Sid wasn't even sure if he had the potential. And at that point in the story, Lea still had a lot of inner conflict. He was still unsure of what happened to Isa. All he knew was that he had gone missing with Braig. Would Isa still see him as a traitor? Would they have to fight? I'm sure this sense of doubt weighed heavily on Lea's mind. During the final confrontation, he looked very shaken when it was finally revealed that Isa was back on Xehanort's side.

Other than Braig, Isa was the only member of the original Organization who was already a vessel. That's why he was the only one they bothered to collect before the game started. And yes, Nomura suggested that we were supposed to learn more about what actually happened to him and why he became a vessel in the next game after DDD. He wasn't power-hungry like Braig, so there must have been some other reason for how he ended up in that condition.

Mickey: Aw, Sora. Don't tell me your heart's sleeping, too. Yen Sid: No, Mickey. This affliction is not the same. Riku: Can we do anything for him?

After returning to the MT, Lea was off by himself in the corner lost in his own thoughts. Naturally, everyone would have learned from Yen Sid about Master Xehanort's plan to turn Sora into one of the thirteen dark vessels. And obviously, if someone like Sora could be turned into a vessel, then the person doesn't have to consent to it, like Braig did. In fact, Xemnas specifically revealed to Sora he previously conducted mind control experiments to create a vessel.

Xehanort's plan with Sora was to cause his heart so much pain that he would become an empty husk. In a figurative sense, "empty husk" implies a person is physically present but emotionally hollow, as if they lost their original meaning or purpose.

When I first played DDD in 2012, my impression was that Lea probably was not thinking that Isa made a conscious choice to side with Xehanort again. He was lost in his own thoughts until Riku asked about a cure for Sora's affliction. There was a very subtle implication that the same thing that just happened to Sora is probably what happened to Isa, a long time ago. And I wasn't convinced that Isa even regained consciousness after he was recompleted. After Axel left him in KH2, he was just an empty husk ripe for the taking.

What happens to the hearts of those who have had Master Xehanort’s heart planted within them? Nomura: They’ll gradually be swallowed by it. As for Master Xehanort, he plans to control them completely. The planted parts of the heart are captured rather than disappear. (Famitsu, May 2012)

Saix was depicted as a unique Nobody in Days. While the other Nobodies could awaken their human hearts, Saix seemed to be the exception. He was the only member who couldn’t see Xion as anything. And he was unable to feel anything other than rage. His heart had not disappeared, but it was captured and likely dormant.

After Riku successfully used the power of waking on Sora, Lea was ecstatic. The true power of a Keyblade Master is not exhibited through combat. The Keyblade's true power is to bring back a heart that was lost. THAT is the power Lea knew he wanted.

Nomura: I figured since Lea had returned to his human form, it'd be no good if he didn't have any power to bring back the person he wants, so I thought he should become a Keyblade Wielder. (Famitsu, May 2012)

Lea then summoned his Keyblade effortlessly. And I really liked the Phoenix motif they incorporated into the design. After dying in a blaze of glory, Axel rose from the ashes and was reborn as Lea. The Isa that Lea knew as a boy was effectively dead. His body was merely a hollowed-out shell. But Lea now had the power to bring him back to life. Even if the overall plot was convoluted, I loved DDD for Lea's storyline alone. It got me incredibly hyped for KH3 and I waited seven long years to see the conclusion to Lea’s storyline in particular.

(Character File Short Story) The setting sun was red again today. When my daily training was done, I always watched the sunset from the top of a hill in the Secret Forest. “Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.”

I really enjoyed the symbolism of this quote. Of the seven lights, Lea was the red one. And red is the one that travels the farthest. More than any color, it can penetrate the deepest darkness.

(Japanese Translation) Lea's training with me. He apologized to me over and over again. It's alright, I'd say, but he'd keep on apologizing… At first I was a bit scared but as we trained together we started talking to each other. I found out Lea also has a best friend he wants to save. I felt like, he's not a person that I can bring myself to hate. Sometimes... he'd stare at my face. So I'd ask him, what's wrong? "I don't know, but I feel like it's something I must recall", he'd say...

Hayner, Pence, and Olette felt a bond with Roxas due to the relationship their data counterparts had with him. And it’s clear that Lea was experiencing the same effect. The heart works in mysterious ways, after all. Obviously, DDD foreshadowed that Lea was supposed to regain his memories of Xion eventually. But honestly, I felt no desire for Xion to come back when the implication was that Lea/Kairi was, on a heart level, the same bond, just in different physical forms.

Lea told Kairi that his goal was to save his best friend. When this scene was first shown off at the orchestra event in 2017, I still think he was supposed to be referring to Isa. But sometime during KH3's troubled development, they completely dropped the whole "save Isa" subplot and I guess we were all just supposed to take it for granted that he was talking about Roxas here. At least...I think?

Lea: Way back when I was a kid, I met this other weird kid. Somehow we became fast friends. Never saw him again—nearly forgot about him, too. Then I met Roxas. Couldn't believe it. The two of 'em were identical. Oh, I didn't tell Roxas. Didn't want him to go vanishing on me, too. The kid's name was Ventus. He's one of the lost Keyblade wielders we're looking for. Think he's still got me memorized?

The handling of the Roxas/Ven situation in KH3 was...confusing to me, to say the least. There was no particular indication that Lea ever viewed Ventus and Roxas as two separate people. Lea knew that Sora's goal was to free Roxas's heart and also to save Ventus. And Lea never said anything to indicate that he thought those were two separate goals. To him, saving Ventus was saving Roxas.

Lea was looking forward to meeting Ventus again. Not just because of their brief encounter as kids in BBS, either. It's because he wanted closure with Roxas after their friendship fell apart due to Axel lying to him about his true identity. Lea wasn't sure if Ventus would still have the memories of being Roxas, though, so he was worried he wouldn't remember their time together in the Organization.

Roxas was a blank slate amnesiac. His whole life revolved around eating ice cream after work because he had no memories of anything else. Axel was determined to keep him that way to fulfill his own emotional needs. On the other hand, Ventus had his own life and his own group of friends. I was excited to see Lea grow beyond his over-attachment to Roxas, which is what tore their friendship apart in the first place. I wanted to see Lea establish a healthier friendship with Ventus on more equal grounds as young adults.

Ventus: Yeah, 'course! We’re friends. I can't believe you became a Keyblade wielder just like me. Lea: Yeah… Sora: Axel, you know Ven? Ventus: Axel? Who's Axel? Lea: See, see, see? Major brain ache.

Unfortunately, that never happened. When they finally reunited at Yen Sid's Tower, Lea learned that Ventus didn't know who "Axel" was. There was no follow up conversation to mend the rift after Roxas walked away from Axel, leaving behind only the Winner stick. The whole reunion scene was just played off as comic relief.

Jiminy: Not to worry, folks. To help us out, I've given each of you a Gummiphone. They've got summaries of everything that's happened so far. That way, you can read up, if you like. And if anyone has any questions, we can call each other.

I guess after this, Lea was able to download an info file on his Gummiphone and that's when he learned that Ventus wasn't really Roxas, they just looked identical. It's pretty dumb. And the later joke when Ven and Roxas met ("had a couple of plot points that needed ironing out") indicated that Nomura probably never intended for Roxas and Ventus to be two separate people and couldn't even pretend to take the idea seriously. But anyways, after this scene, Lea now knew that "Roxas" was a totally different person from "Ventus".

(Japanese Translation) Lea: Roxas… In the end, the day has come without me being able to save you.

Lea's motivation was now stated to be "saving Roxas". It did confuse me that he seemed to completely forget about saving Isa. I guess that we, the audience, were just supposed to assume that Isa made a voluntary choice to become a vessel in DDD (even though I didn't get that impression at all). And Lea apparently just wanted to focus on getting Roxas back again to fill that best friend shaped in hole in his heart. So, everything went backwards, and Lea was once again the same character as Axel from KH2. Honestly, how boring.

(Japanese Translation) Isa: This world isn't your true home, is it? Lea: You… Isa: I'm not here to fight. Relax.

Before the final battle, everyone spent one last night with their best friends. Lea ate ice cream and watched the sunset all by himself. And the scene should have ended just like that. Lea should have reunited with Ventus (who actually matured from his life as Roxas) and the two of them should gotten closure. But Ven had his own best friend he wanted to save and his own home to return to. This scene should have emphasized that Lea needed to finally save his best friend.

When Isa showed up, Lea was pretty shocked. And honestly, so was I. DDD depicted him as a full vessel. Someone who totally shared a heart and mind with Master Xehanort. Why was he now suddenly acting so nonchalant and friendly? How was he able to just sneak about without Xehanort knowing? It was so jarring and killed all of the dramatic tension DDD built up regarding their reunion. However, it did leave me with the impression that the clock tower was once a special spot to Lea and Isa before it became the RAX special spot.

(Japanese Translation) Lea: Hey! Isa: You won't be able to eat that much, will you?

IMO, Isa was supposed to be a completely separate character from Saix. You were supposed to hate Saix. But his Mystery Gear was a cute bunny rabbit. While it was incredibly jarring to see Isa suddenly wolfing down ice cream, it was intended to change our perception of him. In Japanese media, a fondness for sweets often symbolizes a connection to simpler, childlike pleasures, hinting that the character may have an innocent or pure aspect to them. The big plot twist planned was that Isa was supposed to be endearing.

(Japanese Translation) Isa: One of those is for Roxas, but who's the other one for? Were you planning to eat two by yourself? Lea: I don't know. For some reason, I ended up buying three.

Yes, it can be interpreted that Lea got the extra ice cream for Xion. But he still had no memory of who she was. So, the scene does imply he got it with Isa in mind. It's kind of cute that Isa knew it was for him and was teasing him about it and Lea got so embarrassed. The whole "you can't eat two by yourself" was also a reference to Days and what Roxas wrote in his diary after he got the Winner stick.

(Japanese Translation) Lea: Anyway, what are you here for? Isa: Do you remember? When we were best friends, sneaking into the castle from time to time… Lea: Yeah. Isa: To save the friend we made there, we became apprentices to Ansem the Wise.

Isa then reveals that he and Lea once wanted to rescue a girl from Ansem's castle. I really want to talk a bit about this sudden backstory exposition dump, which seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere. I don't think it's too farfetched that this idea of helping a girl was always a part of their backstory, even when Days and BBS were first written. However, I highly doubt this girl was supposed to be one of the Lost Masters or a character from Union X. If this idea existed all the way back in 2009, the girl was probably just Kairi. In any case, rescuing the girl was probably just a small fraction of the backstory Nomura initially had planned for Lea and Isa.

Experiments of the Heart – Notes on Subject X, Excerpt 1 (KH3) After his initial experiments on me, Ansem the Wise ceased his research into the heart, his hand stayed by some fear I cannot fathom. Yet this new subject is like me: devoid of memories. She is the perfect sample upon which to continue my master's work. She, too, could benefit from it; by traversing the heart, we have a direct path into memory. I myself have begun to reclaim my lost past thanks to these very experiments.

After AtW initially delved into Xehanort's heart, he put a stop his research. Xehanort then conducted more research in secret, including experiments on the girl and other kidnapped victims.

Ansem's Report 2 (KH1) The experiments caused the test subjects' hearts to collapse, including those of the most stalwart. How fragile our hearts are! My treatment produced no signs of recovery. I confined those who had completely lost their hearts beneath the castle. Experiments of the Heart – Notes on Subject X, Excerpt 2 (KH3) My pilot studies used a handful of subjects, but none possessed the fortitude to endure them. Ultimately, all suffered mental collapse. I knew it would be a heavy blow to lose a subject as unique as she.

Subject X was one of the pilot subjects mentioned in Ansem's Report 2. The girl and the others were imprisoned under the castle. All of them turned into Heartless except for the girl, who regained lucidity. Xehanort found her useful and she was locked up long enough to befriend Lea and Isa. But Braig/Luxu eventually took her away.

Memoirs, Excerpt 2 (KH3) We slipped into the castle that day knowing only that we wanted, with all our hearts, to save her. But we did not find her inside on that day or the next, or any of our subsequent visits. Had she been moved? Had we simply imagined her? Lea and I knew there was only one way to be certain. And so we stand before the castle gates today, not as trespassing children but in order to become Ansem the Wise's newest apprentices.

Sometime after the girl disappeared, Lea and Isa offered to become apprentices because they wanted to save her. However, the real Ansem already ceased his research and it's highly unlikely he would accept new apprentices. So, Lea and Isa most likely became apprentices to the impostor Ansem while he was in the midst of his research on the Heartless, which was a secret from the real Ansem.

Ansem's Report 4 (KH1) The Heartless appear in groups, and are multiplying rapidly. I've provided them both living and nonliving samples. They've responded only to the living. They seem to multiply after absorbing something from the living creatures. Their prey vanishes without a trace. I believe the Heartless are taking hearts. They are born from those who've lost their hearts, and thrive on hearts seized from others. The hearts taken by the Heartless become Heartless themselves.

Under the guise of helping out with research, perhaps Lea and Isa were used as "living samples"? That would explain why they were wearing the black coats when they were recompleted, rather than the white lab coats that all the other apprentices wore.

(Japanese Translation) Xemnas: The experiment to generate Heartless was an attempt to control the mind and abandon the ego. Even if we made one lose their heart that way, one could still harbor a heart in their body, which serves as a vessel.

In Ansem's Report 8, the experiment to generate Emblem Heartless required Xehanort to recreate the conditions that spawned the Pureblood Heartless. So, Xehanort would have needed another subject, right? This subject would have probably met the same fate as Subject X. Suffered a mental breakdown and locked up in the Chamber of Repose. Saix's favorite insults for Xion were "defective failure" and "broken". Almost like it was intentional innuendo to foreshadow his dark backstory of being turned into a vessel.

(Japanese Translation) Subject X and Notes on Mental Experimentation 2 (KH3) During the initial experiments, we tested a few candidates, but none of them could maintain their sanity—they all broke down. I can't afford for something to happen to her, this special subject. In the midst of this, it was revealed to my master that I had been conducting repeated tests using a large number of subjects. This led to a strict order to halt the research and dispose of all the results. But that wasn't all. Along with the release of many test subjects, she, too, disappeared without a trace. Where is the subject now?

This Secret Report from KH3 coincides with Ansem's Report 9. After discovering what his apprentices were doing, Ansem sealed off the Chamber of Repose. Xehanort believed Ansem found Subject X and hid her away, but it was actually Braig who had done so already. But Ansem may have taken other subjects out of the prison and hid them. And I always found it noteworthy that Saix was retconned to have orange eyes starting in Days and DDD. It may have been foreshadowing that he too had a connection to Ansem the Wise. Maybe Isa was one of the subjects taken away?

(Japanese Translation) Lea: I remember. But we never found her, did we? Isa: Have you given up? Lea: I haven't given up, but… Right after we became apprentices, before I even knew what was happening, Ansem the Wise disappeared. Before I even knew what was happening, we became Nobodies. Before I even knew what was happening, you became Xemnas's right-hand man. It wasn't even a matter of that, was it?

Lea speaks about this mystery girl as though he hasn't even thought about her in many years, and he was completely caught off guard by Isa's question. The English version of this scene leads you to believe that both Lea and Isa made a choice to become Nobodies and then they both voluntarily chose to join the Organization (and doing all the dirty work involved with following Xemnas) all in order to find Subject X. But in Japanese, this was not really the case.

Lea repeatedly used the phrase 「なんだか知らねぇうちに」 ("Before I even knew what was happening") to describe how events unfolded. The dialogue suggests that their original plan was to become apprentices to Ansem the Wise in order to save the girl. But everything else was portrayed as an unintended consequence. In other words, the situation spiraled out of control.

Lea also used the phrase 「それどころじゃなかっただろ」 ("It wasn’t even a matter of that, was it?"). This means that the situation they were in (Ansem disappearing, becoming Nobodies, Isa becoming the right-hand man) was too overwhelming or urgent to focus on their original goal of finding the girl. She wasn't the priority to Lea anymore. She was never his motivation for joining the Organization.

(Japanese Translation) Isa: Xemnas's original self, Xehanort, used her as a research subject. I thought becoming his right-hand man would be the quickest way to save her. Lea: So… did you find her? I helped you at first, didn't I? To help you climb the ranks. Isa: I didn't find her. There wasn't even a trace of her. Maybe she was never there to begin with. At some point, I started to think that way. And before I knew it, my goal had changed—to become a stronger existence.

Saix's primary goal was to get close to Xemnas so he could stab him in the back and take over the Organization. And it probably had more to do with a getting revenge on Xemnas than anything altruistic. He knew Xemnas had a "friend" in the Chamber of Waking and he wanted to use that to his advantage. Saix literally had no heart. He barely even reacted when Axel almost died in Castle Oblivion. His obsession with strength was likely due to his gradual Nortification.

And there's no reason to believe that Saix was not fully Norted by the start of Days. The idea that he was just selflessly looking for that girl and only acted so evil because Axel grew closer to Roxas and Xion is a retcon to avoid addressing the elephant in the room—Saix was possessed. That's why Axel grew distant from him in the first place.

I honestly don't know why they completely dropped the possession idea after DDD, since it would have made Isa so much more sympathetic. I guess they thought fans didn't care enough about Isa to think too deeply about it. I personally thought it was not only very insulting to Isa's character but the audience as a whole. It's insulting to drop such a flagrant retcon at the last minute and assume that the player wouldn't possess the reading comprehension to even notice. But honestly, I think Nomura thought so, too. But he mentally checked out with KH3 and stopped caring.

(Japanese Translation) Lea: That's where you went wrong. It's not too late—quit the Organization already. Isa: And you're the same. Roxas is just like the friend we were searching for. That friend is already gone. It's better to think that way.

IMO, this line had a slightly different nuance in Japanese. Isa was saying that Lea's borderline obsession with Roxas mirrors his own fixation on finding the missing girl. And if you ask me, both of them were the same in that regard. Lea was trying to replace the best friend he lost with a new one. And Isa was using the girl similarly.

(Japanese Translation) Lea: Don't mess with me! I'll bring Roxas back, no matter what. And I'll find that friend too. If it comes down to it, I'll even bring you back. Isa: The marks under your eyes… they're gone. Lea: Yeah. I don't need them anymore. Isa: You, who used to be such a crybaby—I was the one who taught you the charm to reverse your tears. Lea: Shut up. Go home already. I'll beat you to a pulp tomorrow! Isa: I'm looking forward to it.

There were little vague hints for a deeper backstory that we never got to see, like Isa getting a Winner stick and the mention of Lea's upside-down tears. I’m sure the Winner stick was an important memento to Lea and Isa even before Roxas gave it to Axel in Days. And tears no doubt had to do with his bond with Isa. That's why the subject embarrassed him so much. Yes, just like in DDD, it's still strongly implied that Lea originally made the promise to Isa that he'd always bring him back. When Lea says, "I'll even bring you back," the camera angle even is the same as Lea's dream from DDD. Just like when Axel declared that to Xion before they fought, Lea was getting worked up remembering his past promise to Isa.

MESSAGE FROM THE DIRECTOR I am assuming that you already have a copy of KINGDOM HEARTS III if you are looking at this page, but as I do not know if you are reading this before or after you played the game, I will write my foreword without any spoilers. I had quite a tough time writing the story this time around. So many characters appear in this game, with each of them having their own set of problems and needing to choose their own fate. They are characters that were born over the course of ten plus years, and each character has fans who love them. I ask for everyone to see their stories to the end, and see what each of them grasped from their stories. I rewrote the ending multiple times, and took a lot of time deciding how I want it to play out on the screen. After much thought, I ended up keeping it simple. I believe that KINGDOM HEARTS III is truly completed when the two thoughts - whatever you feel from playing the game, and my thoughts that I’ve secretly placed in the game - match up together. I hope that everyone playing the game will complete the game for us. The release of this game was truly a long time coming. We did make you wait for a long time, but I’m sure it will feel like a blink of an eye for you to reach the ending compared to the time it took to get here. However, I believe the reason as to why this series has lasted this long, is because of the feeling that it leaves you with after you finish playing the game. It would make me happy if you talk with friends about KINGDOM HEARTS III, the new addition to the series, and if that triggers you to think about stories that haven’t been told yet.

As a whole, the KH team just wanted the Dark Seeker Saga over with. I don’t think they ever intended for Isa’s storyline to continue past KH3. But Nomura secretly wanted players to finish KH3 feeling unsatisfied and thinking of all the other stories he wasn't able to tell. Even if that meant he had to connect one of the Lost Masters to Lea and Isa's past in a pretty contrived way, he wanted their backstory to be left open for the possibility that he could depict it someday.

Back in 2019, it was still unclear whether he'd ever revisit this backstory (his answer was leaning towards a no). In 2022, Nomura finally confirmed that we WILL see more of this backstory since fan interest was sufficient. But it still leaves their storyline in KH3 feeling less like an actual conclusion, and more like a teaser.

To say I was extremely disappointed in Lea and Isa's story back in 2019 when I first played KH3 would be…an understatement. The short scene about their past was still mainly just exposition to introduce a girl who would be important in the NEXT game. I would later learn that this girl was possibly Skuld from the mobile game Union X. Whatever. I certainly didn't buy KH3 to learn about her, lol.

Ultimately, the big reveal in DDD that Saix was a human puppet meant nothing in KH3. Saix just randomly turned back into Isa again off-screen. So, after this clock tower scene, I realized that there was not going to be any storyline where Lea would need to use his Keyblade to be the hero, bring his best friend's heart back from the darkness, and change him back to the person he once was. I had to force myself to keep playing after that. And it was VERY hard.

"Fans all have different favorite characters, so I thought I should give each of them their own time to shine, but because the amount of things needed to be explained was too large, I had to find a way to have Sora move forward, at the very least. Actually, when the scenarios were being written, the Keyblade Graveyard part was the most difficult. If I focused on each character at a time, the progression of events would be quite slow, and the battles involving Sora were necessary to be shown, so making allowances for everything was difficult. The way I imagined it, all of the characters tied to each other should fight in order and put an end to everything [themselves], but if I did that, the explanations would end up being too long. On the other hand, if I made the enemies you can battle only a few people, and showed the rest via cutscene, that wouldn't have been very satisfying. After worrying about it quite a lot, with a certain intention in mind, I placed the emphasis on the pacing, and the way the plot unfolded was able to be brought to life."

At first, I do think Nomura probably tried his hardest to incorporate an abridged version of Lea and Isa's backstory into KH3 (along with many of the other Organization XIII members' backstories). But due to the troubled development, costly budget, and the push to make the game more accessible, the team pressured him to make the game more fast-paced, cut down on the amount of boss fights, and keep the exposition to a bare minimum. Lea and Isa's entire scrapped storyline needed to be concluded with barely ANY screentime. I think Nomura was very unhappy about this. And he probably also had no idea how to even to write it with such restrictions.

『キングダム ハーツIII』でのロクサスやシオンの復活に関しては、かなりギリギリまで悩んでいて、復活させないルートのストーリーまで考えていました。ただ、皆さんの想いが強かったので復活ルートになりました。どうしようかと悩んでいる部分に関しては、皆さんの想いにかなり影響を受けますね。 "I struggled quite a lot, right up until the last moment, about the revival of Roxas and Xion in Kingdom Hearts III, and I even thought through a story where they wouldn't be revived. However, because everyone's feelings were so strong, it became the revival route. When I'm uncertain about how to proceed, everyone's feelings have a significant influence."

Lea's whole fight with Isa at the KG was basically a plot device to allow Xion and Roxas to return. Logically, I understand why it was written that way. Fans were, by and large, more invested in the nostalgic reunion of the Days trio anyways. Without a detailed backstory, fans wouldn't be emotionally invested in a Lea/Isa reunion. Most fans simply saw Isa as the contemptible bastard who bullied Xion and Roxas, not as Lea’s beloved childhood friend/lover. Logically, this choice made sense. But emotionally, I still hated how the final story played out. It just felt so cheap. And I definitely got the sense that Nomura's heart really wasn't in it, either.

"復活させないルートのストーリーまで考えていました" (I even thought through a story where they wouldn’t be revived)

The phrasing here makes it clear that not only was a non-revival route considered, but it was detailed enough to have its own story. The use of "ただ" (however) and the detail about a fully fleshed out non-revival story imply that Nomura probably leaned toward not reviving them. And I really would kill to see this alternate version of KH3. Hell, if you ask me, I think an alternate version of the Lea/Isa battle was not only written and storyboarded, but it probably even was partially animated and only altered at the last minute.

Isa does not even look rageful like he does in his KH2 berserker mode. He looks totally mindless. Like he's a puppet being controlled. It's interesting how he stops his attack just as he's about to finish off Lea. Then Xemnas comes out of nowhere. He is clearly pissed that they're not clashing, and he steps in to finish Lea off himself.

Isa is watching and he seems to be gaining a bit of self-awareness. And then he steps in just in the nick of time to save Lea.

Just kidding!

That's when Xion gains self-awareness and does it instead. Isa kinda just hangs out in the background. He says nothing and does nothing until he's defeated by Roxas. I have no idea whether he was supposed to be fully self-aware during this fight or not. Re:Mind sorta hints that he deliberately did nothing to help Lea so Xion could come to her senses. But I guess it really didn't matter because Isa was chopped liver in this game's storyline anyway. I guess the team thought, as long as Isa helped R+X come back, that was enough. He didn't really need to be a well-developed or likable character in his own right.

Roxas reveals that Isa was working the whole time to help him get a body. Wow, how convenient. No wonder Isa wasn't allowed to be possessed. The plot needed him to do things off-screen. How did Roxas even know this? No idea. It makes absolutely no sense. But I definitely had no trouble believing Nomura when he said he only decided to revive Roxas at the last minute to please the fans. I had already suspected as much, but I respect his honesty for actually admitting that, considering how angry it made some fans.

(Japanese Translation) Isa: What's with that face? Lea: Damn it, stop letting yourself be manipulated so easily! Isa: Don't you think you've outgrown that little charm by now? Lea: Yeah. Isa: Then quit making that face.

They never actually reveal what the "charm" to reverse tears was. The word used was "おまじない" (omajinai) which often conveys an element of emotional reliance or psychological comfort. It's not an actual magic spell; more like a silly little ritual, like crossing fingers for good luck. It often has a whimsical or lighthearted connotation and can involve anything from simple gestures to spoken phrases.

In KH2, Hayner shot down the notion that their friend group would stay together forever. Naturally, things would change after they grew up. There's a very similar exchange in 358/2 Days. Axel told R+X that being together forever was impossible. Then they both looked sad, and he tried to cheer them up. "What's important isn't that we hang out with each other every day. As long as we keep each other in our thoughts, we'll never be apart, right?" To me, it seemed like Axel was just repeating something told to him by Isa, to keep him from crying.

Regardless of how much Isa wanted to help Subject X, I don't think he would ever have chosen to become a vessel or become Xemnas's right-hand man. The more likely scenario is that his storyline was supposed to have overlapping themes with Xion's. Rather than let himself become a puppet dancing on Xemnas's strings, he chose to disappear. And Lea did not take that decision very well. He probably beat Isa up and dragged him back to the Organization himself.

(Japanese Translation) Lea: You should stop pushing yourself too hard. You've been looking for her all this time, haven't you? Isa: Maybe. I've been searching for her seriously—even going as far as siding with them. Meanwhile, you acted like you'd forgotten her, made new friends, and started enjoying yourself. Watching you like that… it just pissed me off. It felt like our goal was slipping further away.

In Days, one of Saix's reports mentions the plan Lea and Isa formulated when they joined the Organization together. After KH3, players just assumed that their goal was to find Subject X. But again, Lea's dialogue casts doubt on that. After everything that happened, he was not particularly concerned with Subject X anymore. He didn't even know that Isa was still looking for her. Whatever their shared goal was, it was likely to be something more mutual and personal to them. Like, taking out Xemnas, securing their freedom, and then eating ice cream and watching the sunset every day. I'd wager that when Days was first written, that was the idea, more or less.

Disney has been more conservative lately about LGBTQ content and they are the ones that own KH. Or maybe Square-Enix just thought overt romantic undertones between two men would damage the game's "accessibility" especially in places like China or the Middle East where even implied homosexuality is illegal. In any case, the KH3 team clearly wanted to drive home that Isa was obsessed with a girl. He was mad that Lea forgot about the girl. The GIRL, okay!? Honestly, I think Nomura was probably told to "tone it down".

(Japanese Translation) Lea: I never forgot. Isa: Yeah, I know. You're not that kind of person. Probably… I was just jealous. Lea: You're being honest. Isa: Once I'm human again, I wouldn't say something this embarrassing.

Lea's shadow self was a crybaby. He couldn't bear to lose his best friend. Isa's shadow was also related to his difficulty acknowledging his feelings. The VERY subtle implication was that Isa was not being candid about his intentions. His anger at Axel in Days and KH2 didn't have a damn thing to do with any girl. And finding her wasn't the reason he joined the Organization once again in KH3. But he didn't want to admit the real reason. It was too embarrassing. So, he lied.

You used to be a crybaby. Before I knew it, the marks under your eyes that stopped you from crying disappeared, and you began to make friends other than me and laughed with them. [...] In the end, you're still a crybaby, but you don't need those upside-down tears anymore. Just like you don't need me anymore. Yes, I thought I wasn't someone you wanted around any longer. That's why I sacrificed myself for that man. If you don't need me, then there's nothing left for me.

He does admit it in his Character File short story, though. He thought Lea didn't need him anymore and he no longer had any purpose. But if he stated this on screen without also mentioning the girl, I think too many people would have realized how gay Isa and Lea were for each other. We couldn't have that now, could we? The short story HEAVILY implies that Lea's upside-tears were related to how much he needed Isa and couldn't bear to lose him.

“I never thought he would grow as much as he has. We originally planned to have him exit upon being defeated by Roxas during the opening of KHII, but all the staff, myself included, were strongly inclined to have him keep playing an active role after that. It's possible he will have things to do in the future, too. I tried to put that into his 'see you' line in KH2 FM+.”

Overall, Lea and Isa's storyline in KH3 was only a shadow of what it was originally intended to be. After waiting seven years, I can’t say I enjoyed it all that much. But I respect that Nomura didn't completely extinguish the intimacy between these two and their final exchange was still extremely tender. Especially with the Japanese voice acting. The last words that Lea and Isa exchange on screen are "see you". That particular line was apparently very significant.

Axel: Let's meet again in the next life. Roxas: Yeah, I'll be waiting.

Even in the original KH2, I always suspected that what Axel said to Roxas was what he and his human best friend once said to each other. But Lea, being the crybaby that he is, couldn't let Isa go.

Next to you, I eat the sweet and salty ice cream. It tastes the same as it did back in Radiant Garden when we were young. I never imagined a future like this, sitting side by side and eating ice cream. Being the crybaby is supposed to be your specialty. And yet… The sunset stings my eyes.

It makes me sad that for most players, the main takeaway they got from Lea and Isa's KH3 storyline was: "Who is Subject X? Is she Ava or Skuld? Where did Luxu take her? Will Lea and Isa go looking for her in KH4?" I couldn’t care less about Subject X or the Lost Masters arc, to be frank. The main payoff for their story wasn't supposed to be a potential reunion with some time traveling girl in KH4. It was supposed to be this moment right here. This epilogue scene was supposed to be the definitive ending to Axel's long and painful character arc. At least Tomoco Kanemaki viewed it that way.

[idontactuallywherepjs]

pt. 2

I loved it. I'm well past book one but i loved it. My assorted thoughts out of order that nobody asked for because im screaming

I really really like how Horace was handled. When the three bullies started on him, it was a little bit of "yeah a taste of your own medicine, learn empathy you little shit", because he was mean to Will. And it's made very clear that Will bit back, verbally, and no one party was truly in the right, but Horace was the one to start shit and used his greater physical prowess to his advantage. So with three older boys giving him hell, he might reflect a little. And that's a fine way to write a bully learning and changing.

But then. In the same scene they were introduced, the bullies took it all a step further, and messed with everyone else's things, and forced Horace to clean it up and, possibly, take the fall. In a place like Battleschool, with how strict it is? That's dangerous. And it kept building and building every time we see them. When Harvest day comes, and Will and Horace have their fight, it doesn't feel good. Because even with his actions in the moment, I felt for the kid. He felt like his friends betrayed him, while everywhere else he went his life was made a hell. The only respite was training, and that's just because it was out in the open where the bullies couldn't reach him.

And when Rhodny breaks up the fight, there is a sense of dread. Not just because it could make Rhodny think Horace is more violent then he actually is and kick him out, but because Will and Horace both aren't finished with each other. Their both angry and hurting and this fight is not over.

And then suddenly, it is. They both do their best to defend the other from the boar. They exchange words of peace. But due to the nature of the moment, a lot is left unsaid. Then the three bullies go after Horace. Then they go after Will. And again, they defend each other. And they trust each other. They are friends. Not best friends mind, there's a long ways to go, but they are in each other's corner, and through all this, Horace did gain empathy, and a greater moral compass. It didn't come out of nowhere, but it was strengthened. I really really like how it was done.

Halt being just subtly caring for a lot of the book, so it's hard for even the reader to see just how deeply he cares for Will at any given moment up until the second boar, where he just runs and Hugs Will. In front of Everyone.

That is Halts Son.

I'm going to have to reread this and pay special attention to Halt. Will captured most of my attention he is the baby boy.

Halt and Will working together to pull one over Gilan.

Also Gilan.

So silly that right before he showed up Halt was like "Former apprentices always go after their masters" and Will is about to be like "i won't" and then thought about it for a second longer and shut his mouth because. Yeah. He will.

I absolutely adore Tug. That is a good horse.

The run down of archery, the bows, and the specifics given is, while not in depth, is REALLY FING ACCURATE! LIKE THAT NEVER HAPPENS IM SO HAPPY. I DO ARCHERY AND WAS METALLY PREPPING TO SUSPEND MY DISBELIEF BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO REALLY!

I mentioned this briefly in my first post, but I love the pacing. More than halfway through the book and we finally get plot. And none of that time was wasted, it was all spent learning the characters and world and getting comfortable so that when things are disrupted it feels disrupted.

I like that Will was a little awkward around Gilan, just because he's a new person. Like yeah they got along right away but they weren't just instantly besties.

The fight with the Kalkara was really tense and well done on all sides. The tracking was interesting, The fights were cool and believable, I was half convinced someone was going to die, and everyone's skills and fears were on full display, and made them feel more real. Even when Will got his certified Protagonist Moment TM it felt both earned and not out of place, or like the plot just decided to make it happen. The set up and pay off were both well executed.

I also really love that the adults do their best to make sure Will is as safe has possible. He's just a boy and while he does save them in the end, they do everything they can to protect him, even if it is an all hands on deck situation.

During the tracking, Halt taking every opportunity to teach Will and comfort him. The moment with the false alarm of not being able to see Gilan comes to mind. And Will just being so concerned for Halt's safety. Will and Gilan having some moments together. They're family your honor.

Halt and Gilan embracing when they first meet up on the way to the Gathering. Such a cute moment.

Actually Halt's training style in general was a highlight. It's a little bit of tough love but he makes sure to get through to Will what he's trying to teach and feels more patient then he wants to let on. It's really sweet.

The story of Wills bio father nearly made me cry. Oh my gosh such a tender moment on all sides. ow.

That's all I have to say on book one for now. Ive got plenty for book 2 though, and im like, 2/3 through book 3? ive got 11ish chapters to go. Im buying 4 and 5 tonight, they don't have 6 or 7 though. they can be easily obtained, but it's still sad. Might also get book 8 just to make sure i have it in case they sell the rest of the latter half of the series before i can get my grubby hands on it.

pt3 coming at some point!

[heartfullofleeches]

Do it!! We love your ideas chief, that’s why we’re here!

Also ghoul reader is hot as fuck

[Light body horror. Angst]

Well- two important factors about ghoul reader are both their body and mind deteriorate over time, but can be rebuilt to full structure by eating human meat/brain healthy meals.

This led me to think of a "healer" ghoul reader who can sorta transfer/reconstruct the healthy cells to others and heal people that way. Lose a kidney? Ghoul Reader can create a new one and negate most side effects by eating some ground beef left in the freezer. A personal sacrifice of their flesh for another being.

Given the nature of their healing properties, Ghoul Reader is extremely caring and always puts others before themself. They make friends with the wrong person- someone who hardly cares about their well-being and uses Reader for their personal gain. They had been scarred horribly by mistakes they'd already made and without them even asking Reader starts to slowly heal them. Their body needs more work than reader's can take, but they just write the ghoul off as lazy and trying to keep them around. Reader's body mass continues to shrink no matter how much they eat. It hurts them to put so much strain on their body... it hurts so much... but they still try. They still keep that "friend" in their heart and notebooks so they'll never forget them when their memory blanks. They care about their friend. They love them. They want them to be okay and love themself for who they are-

But they never knew how truly rotten that person was - inside and out.

"Finally... All those horrid scars were a damper on my social life. I'm even more beautiful than I was then. That being said, I can't be seen around something like you. It was fun."

That isn't what friends are supposed to say.. After all they did for them... Gone without even saying goodbye. That was the ghouls first time being betrayed to such caliber- and it crushed them. They wouldn't feel this pain if they were just another mindless creature, but they were proud of the person they'd become. The "normal" human being who walked around same as everyone else. They were just like them... only rotting... maybe that person wasn't so wrong to leave them behind...

Ghoul Reader shuts off from the outside world after that. They stick to their routine as it's all they've ever known, but they've lost that rosy view of the world. Is it worth making friends anymore? What's the point of trying if they'll just be abandoned again? They were more human than the people around them. Unlike them - they felt pain. They wanted to forget it all - so they did. Most of it at least.

While out one night reader notices a musky scent in the air. So faint only their nose would catch it. They follow the trail to a body lying behind some dumpsters - stab wounds having torn deep holes through their vital organs. Their pulse was weak - fading. Despite all the pain they've been dealt, Ghoul couldn't let someone die for another's mistake. They fixed up the near corpse and waited for them to wake up so they couldn't get home safety.

"Ugh....I'm still alive....lame...who the fuck are you?.."

Ghoul Reader explains everything that lead up to the encounter and their healing capabilities.

"Eh....with how my nights gone - I'll believe anything at this point. Thanks for the help, bud."

It was nothing. Ghoul Reader gets up to leave.

"Aye! Where ya going? You save people's lives on the regular and expect nothing back? Lemme treat you to dinner. Know a good spot close by and I still have the wallet I was gutted over. Let's get going already!"

Reader learns more about their new acquaintance. A petty thief trying to get on the right track in life. They spun some wild story about seeing a guy dropping his wallet and them trying to return it with the guy flying off the rails and accusing them of stealing it. The details were spotty, but Reader nodded along to every word. They needed a place to stay for the night as their home was too far to trek back too at that hour. They give Reader the rest of the cash in the wallet in exchange for their couch and they become the first real friend Reader makes.

Everything Reader gave they always tried to give back double. The near death experience gave them a new outlook on life. It was something to be cherished and not thrown away so easily as they had in the past. They wanted to share that new view with their only friend. Reader was a better companion than people they'd know their entire life. A little bitey when they got hungry, but everyone gets a little cranky when they're starving.

The friend gets a call over. Reader had skipped breakfast and wasn't sticking to their usual diet. They sat alone, unable to move and succumbing to the painful cramps of hunger. They begged their friend to bring them meat from the store, but their friend wanted to end their suffering as quickly as they could. They pulled out their trusty switchblade, embedding its teeth in their pinky finger. Ghoul Reader tries to stop them.

"Y/n, you saved my life. It's as much yours as it is mine. I'd give anything to properly replay you, but I'll never be able to and I don't mind living with that debt on my shoulders if it means we're together. This is the least I can do for you- so shut up and eat my damn finger."

-

A week after Reader tries them their finger back there's a knock on the door. Their friend refused treatment seeing it as a marker of their loyality to reader. They make sure reader is well fed at all times. A face reader has seen before stands behind the door. Some model they've seen on billboards and flyers. What could someone like that with them?

"Y/n. I know you probably don't want to see me after what I've done, but I need your help. I got into an accident after a few drinks last week. Nothing serious before you ask, but I've got these bruises and I have an important party to attend this Saturday. I'll allow you to be my plus one if that fixes things."

....

"I'll be out with a friend Saturday, but thank you. I can still fix you, but if you don't mind me asking - how do you know my name?"

Reader leads them to their couch and heals their spotty face all while the stranger is left bewildered. They're acting like nothing happened. Why are they acting like nothing happened? Who was this new friend and who the hell was that standing by their bedroom door?

"Are you seriously going to play this game?"

"What do you mean?"

"Pretending like you don't know who I am. That's harsh even with everything that's happened."

Ghoul Reader backs away from them.

"I've seen you in pictures, but that's it. I don't know who you are."

"It was cute at first, but I'm not playing whatever game you're trying to start. You know who I am."

Ghoul Reader racks their brain for answers, but there's no result. They begin to hyperventilate. "I don't....I don't know who you are....Stop it, please!"

"Not til you say my name. I'll own up to my part when do that simple thing."

They grip at their face, talons catching on their softened skin. "I don't know who you are...Don't make me remember..... Get out.... GET OUT!"

As the stranger leaves and heads towards their car a notebook flies out reader's window - aiming for their skull had they not stepped out of the way in time. Inside are pages of filled with scratched out ink held on a weakened spine. It was a miracle they held together. The pages stick togethered, water damgaged by crusted specks of blood and smaller dots of a clearer fluid. The words written were near illegible, but there's a few key points they could make out. A birthday, the begining and ending characters to a person's name, a repeated phrase pieced together over the various pages. Don't forget. Never forget.

They'd been erased completely from reader's conscious mind. This notebook had been kept to prevent that very thing from happening. All those precious memories thrown away. The stranger was happy with the life they'd been robbed of - but no one had ever been their for them like Reader had. A new stain falls to the page.

Flipping to the final page, a note slides off the back cover.

"Come here again - and I'll erase you permanently."

It wasn't reader's hand writing. The person in the window holds up a new journal - comforting a sobbing ghoul on their shoulder.

[onyxino]

Break Me Down

Lieutenant!Muken!Aizen x Captain!Reader

WC: 3.8k

CW: Creampie, riding, soft sex, Oral (M&F receiving), Virginity loss (M). Slight Dom and Sub dynamic. Touched Starved Aizen. lil OOC/soft Aizen. If there is anything else lemme know &lt;3

I'm always of two minds on Aizen's sexual experience, on one hand he gives off the aura of 'THIS GUY FUCKS' but on the other hand I really don't think he would have the time or desire due to being more concentrated on his plans. So today I decided to play with the idea of Aizen having little to no sexual experience. Hope you enjoy! Prolly grammar and spelling mistakes but idc I'm human and yall just read for the fucking so .

this is just a conjuring of my delulu mind

You couldn’t believe it when they exonerated him.

You couldn’t believe it when Kisuke found a way to remove the Hougyoku from his chest without killing him.

You couldn’t believe it when they simply just placed him in your squad. With the head captain's only statement on the matter being “Captain (Name) can handle him if he gets out of control.”

Then you really really couldn’t believe it when you appointed him to be your lieutenant.

He had really proven himself to you, he seemed remorseful for his actions. He no longer wished for the fall of the soul society he wanted quite the opposite actually, he seemed to have been changing right before your very eyes.

At first even though you treated him with the same respect as you did your other subordinates but you limited your contact with him to just bare minimum, the stigma around him was just too strong.

Then one day you caught him sitting on his own underneath a shady tree and decided to join him, he looked so lonely and in a weird way you felt sadness for him.

The way his face twisted up in shock at your presence sealed in all of your assumptions. He wasn’t used to someone just willingly being in his company, he wasn’t used to human interaction at all.

As time passed you joined him under that tree any chance you could. You took your time and actually had meaningful conversations with him. You learned that you two enjoyed a lot of the same things. That’s when you decided that he would make a splendid lieutenant for you.

Aizen declined the offer at first stating that he hadn't had a real chance to earn your trust yet but you insisted and he relented.

That led you to now both of you sitting in your personal quarters on the floor looking and digging through old files looking for a specific report that would aid squad 12 in some research they were conducting.

You sighed and pinched your bridge. It was near midnight at this point and your eyes were starting to betray you, lids becoming heavier each time you blinked.

Aizen also felt the fatigue setting in, since returning to his shinigami state he realized how easily it was to become exhausted.

“Welp Lieutenant of mine, I really don't know if we have a shot at finding this report for them!” You said a yawn forming as you stretched your arms into the air.

“Agreed, my head is starting to hurt.” Aizen replied, running a hand over his partially covered face. It's true the headaches that have been coming and going since returning to his shinigami state had been killer. One of the many, many side effects his body had been enduring over the course of the last year or so.

“Oh damn, another headache again, Sosuke?” You ask worry etching its way to your face.

“Yes, unfortunately. Urahara said that they will lessen in time though.” You nod your head at his reply before slowly standing up.

“Would you like some tea then? I have chamomile, which works wonderfully for headaches.” You offer walking over to your kitchenette 

“Yes captain, please.” Sosuke had taken this moment to let his composure falter while your back was turned. Slouching forward he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

Having put the electric kettle on to heat making note that the timer would go off in 10 minutes and the kettle would shut off. Swearing to yourself that you wouldn’t forget about it this time you turn and you catch your eyepatched subordinate in this state. 

You felt your heart lurch a little for him “Do you want me to try something that my mom always did for me when I got bad headaches?” you asked, retaking your seat in front of him.

He opened his eye a little and nodded, “I’m willing to try just about anything at this point.” 

You nodded back at him and scooted a little bit closer just within arms length, you took note of how he flinched slightly at your movement “It involves me touching your head, if that's okay?”

All he did was a nod and you slowly reached your arms forward, slotting your digits into the brunette’s hair. He shuddered slightly at the contact, you massage his scalp digging your nails in ever so slightly.

Sosuke seemed to be enjoying it and it seemed to be alleviating some of the discomfort. You frowned slightly at the strap of the eyepatch getting in the way, your nimble fingers went for its buckle at the back of his head.

“Wait!” Sosuke almost yelped as his hands wrapped around your wrists stopping you in your tracks.

Your eyes widened at the sudden action, “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” panic ran through you. You have never been able to get this close to him, the thought of crossing a boundary and having him regress on you made you feel ill.

“N-No, it’s just some parts of me are still- My eye it’s still discolored.” He explained quietly, still having your wrists in his hold.

“Sosuke.” The way his name slipped off your tongue in such a sweet fashion had him slightly shivering “It’s okay, I just wanna be able to message your head better, can I please take it off? I won’t judge you, I’m your captain, this is a safe space.”

He exhaled a breath he didn't realize he had been holding “Very well.”

You smiled at him and he swore the heart he insisted he never had stopped.

You slowly remove the eyepatch from his head and let it fall to the ground, you then return to lightly massaging his scalp.

You were right, he thought, this does feel a whole lot better.

Keeping his eyes closed he leaned into your touch more and let himself get lost in the feeling of your hands combing through his hair.

Then he whimpered,

You paused and his eyes shot open in disbelief. 

It was a small one but it was unmistakable, Sosuke Aizen just whimpered and you were the one who pulled it from him.

“I-”

“Wow, you really are touch starved aren’t you?” You ask a sympathetic look gracing your features, you dug your nails in just slightly harder. Testing the waters.

This had him inhaling a sharp breath “N-Never been touched like this.”

“I can tell, do you want me to keep going?” You ask cocking your head to the side.

“Yes, keep going but I need you closer.” Before even registering what he had said you felt a soft but strong grip on your hips pulling you into his lap. He lifted you like you were made of nothing.

You found yourself straddling his lap, chests smooshed together and faces dangerously close, It was your turn to take in a sharp breath. A hot feeling coursing its way throughout your body.

You can’t remember who did it first but in a fraction of a second your lips were connected, Aizen’s hands running up and down your sides. He was already a whimpering whiny mess in your arms, just from kissing you. He felt like he was going to explode when you took the opportunity to slide your tongue into his mouth.

It was sloppy, but it was passionate. He craved more, he never experienced wanting like this. Wanting another person. His hands further their exploration sliding their way up to your chest squeezing breasts roughly, you moaned into his mouth and it only fueled the fire, sending blood straight to his hardening cock.

You both parted from the intense makeout session with a string of saliva connecting your mouths. Heavy breathing just staring into each others eyes, taking this time to admire his slightly fucked out features.

Man, if this has him fucked out just imagine what sex would do to him you thought. 

Thinking of having him in such a state had heat pooling in your core, without thinking you slowly grind your hips into his. 

He yelped at the friction “(name)” he pleaded, and you did it again.

“D-do you wanna keep going?” You sheepishly ask burying your face into his neck placing soft kisses along the sensitive flesh leading up to his jaw line.

“I’ve never-”

He didn’t even have to finish his sentence, you understood completely. You pulled away from his neck and gave him a soft smile. “I can lead. I want you, Sosuke.” your hands rubbed up and down his shoulders in a comforting motion.

He sucked in a jagged breath “Please.”

“Please what, Sosuke? Use your words.” 

“Please, fuck me.” He panted, gripping your hips and pulling your clothed cores closer to each other in a desperate attempt to gain friction.

You placed a soft kiss to his lips before standing from him, he looked confused and almost sad at the loss of contact you couldn’t help but giggle at him. Sticking your hand out, he grabbed it and you led him over to the futon before gently pushing him down on it.

His breathing picked up once again as you kneeled over him. “Relax, at any time you wanna stop, just tell me and we will.”

He nodded in understanding at this and licked his lips as he watched you go for the knot tied in front of your shinigami uniform. Suddenly a surge of urgency ran through his body as he shot up and stopped your hands from continuing their action.

Your eyes shot up to him, worry spread throughout your body, had he changed his mind all of a sudden? Was something wrong?

“I want to undress you.” This statement sent a rush of liquid into your already damp panties.

You pulled your hands away from the semi untied knot of your uniform and allowed his hands to take their place. He was slow and gentle with it as you pulled the knot loose and went to work on your top. The way his face gained a new shade of red as he exposed your bare chest to himself had you breathing heavily.

He wasted no time exploring the new territory, the way your breasts fit perfectly into his hands had him in awe. He was a fast learner too, as to be expected he picked up quickly on what made those little noises he’d come to like so much fall from your mouth.

He noticed how sensitive your nipples were and little flicks and taps turned into rough pinches and pulls. “F-fuck, Sosuke. That’s so good.” You mewled as his lips attached to your right nipple and his hand continued to assault the left one.

Slotting your hands into his hair you slowly pulled him away from your chest, “I need you here though.” guiding his hands down to your bottoms, he picked up on exactly what you needed and he was quick to remove the rest of your clothing.

The sight before him was like no other, you laid out legs spread open for him. He may have been a virgin but he knew exactly where women liked to be touched. It took him no time to locate your bundle of nerves rubbing slow and soft circles against it.

“Can I taste you?” The request sent shivers down your spine.

“Only if I get to return the favor.” You said cheekily as you combed your fingers through his dark brown hair.

He swiftly lowered himself between your legs and applied a rough suck to your clit, the action caused a guttural moan to leave your lips. The hand in his hair tugging lightly was now gripping it aggressively pulling his face into your heat. Your other arm laid itself across your eyes unable to contain your embarrassment at your noises and sounds.

This did not go unnoticed by Aizen who detached his mouth from your heat and leaned up to remove your arm from your eyes “Don’t, I want you to look at me, if you look away or close your eyes I will stop.”  

You took in a sharp breath at this, this was the first showing of his dominance you have seen through this entire ordeal. You said you would lead but it was short lived once Aizen got the hang of this particular task. He needed your eye contact, he needed you to see him making you feel this good. You needed to know it was him and only him who could do this to you.

You maintained eye contact as he lapped and sucked at your clit, you gasped lightly as the intrusion of a long slender finger into your walls “Sosuke!” You cried as his finger curled up and he began to softly move it in and out of you.

“More a-and faster, please.” You pleaded, these pleas did not fall on deaf ears.

Aizen then added another finger and increased his speed, drinking up your arousal while listening to the sweet noises that tumbled from your shaky lips. It was a new form of heaven for him.

“S-sosuke- I’m really, really close.” You mewl pulling his face into your cunt, he increased his speed just a little bit more and sucked just a little bit harder on your clit but it was enough to send you falling over the edge. The sound of his name broken and falling from your lips had him grind into the futon below it was a high he knew he’d soon be addicted to.

Your breaths soon steadied as Aizen lifted himself over top of you taking in your form, your eyes met his and you gave him the sweetest smile he thought he’d ever seen, it filled his chest with warmth. “Thank you, that was so good, but now it's your turn.”

The warmth in his chest rose to his cheeks as you flipped your bodies in an instant demonstrating your strength just as he had earlier. Now you were sat on top of him grinding your naked core against his clothed one, the repeated action provided some friction but not enough and it was frustrating to him but not as frustrating as the moment you ceased all movement and removed yourself from his body.

His mouth hung open and he looked at you in disbelief “Don’t look at me like that, lieutenant. I have to undress you too don’t I?”

The realization hit him and had him slightly embarrassed, the pink dusting his cheeks turning a darker shade. Your hands went to the knot in the front of his uniform and with a simple tug it came undone, you decided to tease him with this and keep your movements slow. Aizen felt as if he was burning from the inside out.

He sat up slightly so that you could pull the top portion of his shinigami uniform off. You gasped slightly at the sight before you, he was absolutely gorgeous, like the gods chiseled his body by hand. 

Too Aizen, though your gasp was one of disgust, adorned on his chest was not only the scars from the seals piercing him but also the scar left from the Hougyoku’s removal procedure. He turned his head away from your gaze fearing the worst from your silence.

“Sosuke, your body is gorgeous.” You said in awe as the tips of your fingers grazed the scars upon his chest, he shuddered at the contact.

He returned his gaze to you eyes widened slightly at the compliment. You? Find him? Gorgeous? He was pulled from his thoughts by you applying just a little bit more pressure to the center of his chest with the tips of your fingers causing him to wince slightly. This did not go unnoticed by you “Did it hurt?”

He gazed at you trying to understand the context of your question. Did what hurt? The seals piercing my chest for what felt like ions? Or the surgery that I was mostly awake for that had me feeling as if my soul was being sucked from my body? He pondered.

“Yes, it hurt. All of it hurt.” He muttered quietly.

A somber look etched its way to your features “I’m sorry, love.” leaning down you pressed your cool lips touched the scar in the center of his chest and it felt like fire had begun to run its way through his veins once more.

Lastly you began working on his bottoms, once ridding him of the garment he was fully bare in front of you. Hungry cock springing free, your eyes widened at the impressive length of his manhood. Your mouth began to salivate at the thought of trying to take all of him down your throat.

Softly wrapping your fingers around the shaft you gave him a few strokes as you settled in between his legs. A strangled groan escaped Aizen’s lips, he thought he would cum from just the contact alone. You giggled at his reaction, the noises he made had your clit throbbing and your hole clenching around nothing.

Licking from the base to the tip you wrap your lips around his head and slid him into your mouth as far as you could take him. Your hands stroked what you couldn’t reach and you began to bob your head up and down hollowing your cheeks.

The pleasure was almost unbearable for Aizen, his hands found purchase in your hair swooping it back into a makeshift ponytail. He was finding it very hard to control himself, he eagerly wanted to thrust into your mouth and face fuck you until you were gagging, the thought of that had him on the brink of orgasm.

He was getting close, way too close. “Captain (Name), if you keep going like that I’m not gonna last.” the words left his mouth broken moans in between each word and you could have sworn you heard his voice crack.

You lifted your mouth from him with a obscene ‘pop’, “Fuck.” the curse fell out of his mouth as a hiss. 

Wiping your mouth on your arm you settled on top of him, running your folds against his shaft, fingers digging into his shoulders every time his tip bumped into your clit. Aizen’s grip was ironclad on your hips helping you drag them back and forth on his member.

“I need to be inside you.” He pleaded his nails leaving crescent shaped marks into your skin that will no doubt be bruised come morning.

Listening to his pleas, you lifted yourself up and aligned him with your entrance, sinking yourself down just enough to have his tip buried in you. A throaty gasp left Aizen’s lips, silently praising and cursing you in the same thought. 

“You’re gonna drag this out aren’t you, little minx.” He accused, head thrown back in pleasure.

You couldn’t hide the smirk playing on your lips, you had to tease him just a little “You can take it.”

In one swift motion you let yourself completely sink down on to his cock. You knocked your head back, eyes rolling ever so slightly at the delicious stretch of his girth. You couldn’t help but clamp down around him as you adjusted to his size.

“You’re so tight.” He hissed, eyes glued shut focused on not coming to an end just from being sheathed inside you.

You rolled your hips just a little and the moan that fell from his lips was obscene. You slowly bounced yourself on his cock it was like torture for the man below you, he was getting very impatient. He bucked his hips rough up into you cause your rhythm to falter “Faster, please- I”

You silenced his pleas by giving him exactly what he wanted. You picked up the pace and he met you halfway as he thrusted up into you, cock kissing your cervix with each thrust. 

He couldn’t contain the whimpers and pants rolling off his tongue. He looks so fucked out and on the edge. A particularly hard thrust from Aizen brought you out of your thoughts back into reality.

His hands slid from your waist to your thighs, groping them and gripping them hard, those will also undoubtedly become bruises come sunrise.

 “F-fuck, Sosuke. You’re doing so good, fucking me so good.” you whine tossing your head back and raking your nails down his chest leaving little red lines behind.

All he could muster in response was obscene moans and whiny breaths. You take a moment to drink in his image, he is beyond fucked out. His hair everywhere, his mouth a gape and there is a little bit of drool that slid from the corner of his mouth to the pillow below

You make note of this to tease him about later.  

You bite your lip hard at the sight, feeling that knot in your lower abdomen tighten up. You were getting close, really close and he was too. You walls clench around him when he brings his thumb to you clit rubbing slow circles.

“Tell me- Tell me where-” you already knew what he was getting at and you took no time with your answer.

“Inside please- need to feel it.” The thought of him cumming in you made your head spin and sent you flying off the edge. Walls squeezing against him repeatedly and the way his name fell off your tongue was pure sin.

His name sounding so debauched coming from your lips sent him over the edge with you, a rush of warmth spread through your core. You slowly rocked your hips against his working him through his orgasm, and milking his cock dry.

Taking note of each breathy whine that left his lips when your hips rocked forward.

Unable to hold yourself up any longer you laid atop his chest trying to regain your breath. His hands rub gently up and down your sides. You tilt your head upwards hoping to lock eyes with him but you are met with his eyes shut, a peaceful look etched into his features,

You admired him for a minute and a smile slowly curled on your lips as you drank him in.

“What are you smiling at?” He quipped, opening an eye to stare down at you, you would be lying if you said you didn’t jump a little bit slightly embarrassed. Just how long had he known you’d been staring?

“Oh nothing, nothing at all.” You say lifting yourself up and off him.

The sudden movement and disconnection of your conjoined bodies made a small barely audible whimper leave his lips. This did not go unnoticed by you, again you make a mental note of this to tease him about later.

“Stay here tonight, we can talk more in the morning.” You suggested as you snuggled yourself into his side.

He only nodded at the statement silently agreeing with you. He watched as your features slowly relaxed and your breathing mellowed out as sleep took you into its grasp. A sense of peace washed over him as his eyes wandered over your sleeping form.

What in the hell are you doing to me, woman.

[satureja13]

And while Saiwa, Jack and Ji Ho stay at home, Jeb, Kiyoshi and Vlad went to the Temple to help Arturo. All of them silently agree it's best to keep Kiyoshi away from Jack until he healed. It's a long way to go for Jack. Even though he says he's fine. We all know he isn't. It would even be better if they parted ways. But Other Jeb's message makes this impossible. No one wants to take the risk of some of them getting hurt - let alone be killed.

Vlad joined Team Kiyoshi. Jack is Vlad's best friend and this wasn't an easy decision to make for Vlad - but he and Kiyoshi grew very close at Belgraves Institute. They shared a room and ran their penalty laps at the sports ground. They slept next to Jack's pod when he was in his coma. And in the end Kiyoshi had to betray Vlad to the Council to maintain Kiyoshi's camouflage.

Vlad knows that Ji Ho and Saiwa take good care of Jack and that Kiyoshi is having a hard time now since he became a diety, had been banned from Kojin's Temple and lost Jack. And no one, except for Jeb, knows how to deal with him after they learned that Kiyoshi was Jack's Alpha and fated mate and kind of co-responsible for Jack's misery. And that Kiyoshi had been sent by his father to the Lab to torture captured Jack and Saiwa. And rescued them in the end. It hadn't been easy for Kiyoshi either with all his duties for the temple, the resistance and the council. He didn't hurt Jack on purpose. They just didn't know better and couldn't act better. He can't be mad at Kiyoshi. Maybe it was because they were too young and unexperienced or it just wasn't meant to be - yet. Fate doesn't make mistakes and Vlad is determined to help both of them.

Kiyoshi cared for the saplings of his Tree. And when he touched the little one Jack had lit with some kind of magic, it hit him like a bolt - again. This is a sign. Kiyoshi is sure. As a werewolf, Jack isn't capable of doing such magic. This has to mean something. Jack is his fated mate. Kiyoshi will give Jack all the time he needs to heal - but he will never give up on him. He tried it - for decades while he'd been in the tree - futile.

Mood is gloomy and everyone was working in silence lost in their own thoughts. Vlad thought he could try Jack's puppy strategy to light up the mood a bit. So he started to tell some funny stories of the times they hadn't been all together. Vlad: "... and when Jeb and Ji Ho had already left to do their school project at Mount Komorebi, Jack insisted to put me on my gloves! I had been blind then, but I still was capable to put on my gloves. And then I made fun of him because he wore a fur jacket! A werewolf in a fur jacket! And then Kiyoshi said: 'I like fur'. Somehow I knew that something was going on between you two." Jeb was cutting the planks, had the pencil between his teeth and chuckled. He repeated 'I like fur' because he thought it was so cute and funny of Kiyoshi. But since he had the pencil between his teeth, it was gibberish.

Arturo froze: "What did you just say?"

Jeb, gibberish: "I like fur?"

Arturo: "Gods - it sounds like the last words from the Master! 'I like bird'!"

Jeb: "I think everything sounds the same when you have a pencil in your mouth while speaking ^^'" Arturo: "True hahaha." Little Goat: 'Hello?!'' omg...

After their work at the Temple, they sat down to eat. Arturo: "Vlad, why don't you take a plate and give it a try?" Vlad: "Ah, I'm sorry but I'm a vampire and can't digest food. I get sick if I do and live off of plasma packs and fruit."

Arturo: "I aware of that - but I also feel your strong craving for food. Other vampires just ignore it." Vlad: "Oh I'd been able to ignore it all my live - until... I drank Ji Ho's blood... and when I came back from hell after I died, I started to smell the incredible odors and had a hard time not giving in and try some ever since."

Arturo: "A lot of things changed after you drank mermaid's blood, hm? Why not you digesting food? Give it a try." Vlad: "Uhm - ok..." It smelled so amazing, Vlad thought it was worth getting sick.

And this is how Vlad tried his first food!

And it seems he likes it!

Oh my Arturo was right - Vlad yould have eaten food since he bit Ji Ho September 2022! And even though he knew he'd changed a lot and craved for it, he never tried - because he was afraid and convinced it would make him sick. This sounds trivial but made him think a lot. What else could he have experienced since then and never tried? And how much has Ji Ho changed him? But before he could follow his thoughts any further, it hit him! Hot hot HOT!!! Arturo: "Maybe Burmesan Samosa Soup wasn't a good choice for your first meal ^^'"

But it was. Vlad will never forget this - his first meal. And it will remind him to be bolder and try new things and not hide behind his fears! (Hear, Hear!)

After lunch Arturo went for a walk with them. He has an idea wow they can make up with the others.

And after a hard day's work, they gathered at the fire. Arturo was pondering all afternoon about 'I like bird' and 'I like fur'... (Try it yourself, it really sounds the same!) Arturo: "Kiyoshi - who did you think about before you became one with the tree?" Kiyoshi: "Jack. I've never been able to forget him. Even when I felt nothing else anymore, I still felt him."

Arturo: "I have a weird inkling: maybe your last words weren't 'I like Bird' but 'I like Fur'? Because Jack is a werewolf? Or you thought of that experience with the fur jacket?" Jeb: "When Kiyoshi thought of Jack and not of Saiwa before he left and Saiwa isn't his fated mate but Jack... Gods - I urged Sai into this fake relationship with Kiyoshi to bring him back because we thought Kiyoshi's last thoughts were about Sai... Saiwa will kill us all." (Omg... ö.Ö') And there's no way not to tell him because they all agreed to be honest to each other...

'I know your eyes in the morning sun I feel you touch me in the pouring rain And the moment that you wander far from me I wanna feel you in my arms again And you come to me on a summer breeze Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave And it's me you need to show

How deep is your love? I really mean to learn 'Cause we're living in a world of fools Breaking us down when they all should let us be We belong to you and me

I believe in you You know the door to my very soul You're the light in my deepest, darkest hour You're my savior when I fall And you may not think I care for you When you know down inside that I really do And it's me you need to show'

How deep is your love? - The Bee Gees

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest 🛺 'Home happy Home' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[many-but-one]

I really admired you and looked up to you. Parts of our system were influenced by your journey to do the same. Our gatekeeper watched many of your videos and found them to be helpful. However, due to your association with a certain person, and after what I've been hearing about them influencing other systems to think they have a ramcoa history when they don't, I don't trust myself anymore. I don't know if I'm a real survivor anymore, maybe I was just led to believe I had that history due to the amount of information I was taking in from various sources. I wish I could still trust you, but I don't know if I can anymore. I also don't think it's a good idea to go into such graphic detail about your trauma. It caused me to do the same and feel that it was okay to do so. And I kept triggering other alters due to that. I kept pushing and pushing through it. And I did make progress with certain alters, but I think it really put me in an unhealthy state of mind too. I don't think I was ready to be dealing with that. Now we have a fight-reponse alter who will stop at nothing to ensure we deprogram and become free, even if at the expense of other alters and our overall wellbeing. He only cares that we keep fighting, that we tell our therapist information about our system and get her to believe us and help us, even though it's a lot for some alters. He's become a very dominant member of the system now, and has even tried to hurt persecutors before they can hurt us.

Hi anon,

I am assuming you are talking about the Legion system. Yes, I was friends with them for some time. About a year or so. However, I’m no longer friends with them and do not associate with them. I’m not sure why you think my association with them has anything to do with them trying to make people believe they have ramcoa when they don’t. I wasn’t involved in their interpersonal business with others. I apologize if this makes you feel like you can’t trust yourself or is making you go into denial, but I fail to see how this is somehow my fault.

Blaming me for sharing information about ramcoa and my trauma and saying you think it led you to believe you had something you may or may not have is not my fault. I educate about ramcoa in efforts to help others who have it. I make it very clear on both my tumblr and my tiktok that I don’t do armchair diagnoses. So you came to this conclusion yourself, and you coming to that conclusion by watching my content or reading my content has nothing to do with me. I’m not trying to influence anyone to do things that are unsafe in therapy (like deprogramming too fast), and just because you saw me talking about my trauma history made you do the same does not mean I forced you to do so. Placing all of this blame on me, an internet stranger who is well within their right to talk about these subjects, is incredibly unreasonable.

I understand you may feel betrayed by the situation that happened with Legion, but imagine how I feel? They were my best friend and I lost them to TERF ideology, even though I tried to warn them not to go down that path. And I have learned a lot of things from other people that I never knew about them, because I don’t really interact with much people online, so I was never aware of their actions outside of the ones they did with me. Learning that I was friends with someone who did some shitty stuff that I never knew about has been devastating.

However, blaming me or even Legion for how your system has chosen to heal is absurd. Because I tell people deprogramming is possible and share info on ramcoa and how to deprogram, suddenly it’s my fault that an internet stranger’s system is going about things in a way that is causing them distress? And trying to tell me not to share my trauma because it made you decide to share your trauma too? No, I didn’t make you do anything.

Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do on my healing journey. Educating the best I can and sharing The Horrors (which are always properly TW’d for the record, so you are allowed to scroll away if it’s not something you want to see) has helped our system heal, grow, and find community. I won’t apologize for doing so, but I am willing to apologize that you feel that it made you take actions that weren’t the best for your system’s healing process. However, placing all of the blame on me for this is immature and ridiculous. You are responsible for what information you take in and what you do with it. In the past, I have made it clear that my information is not a diagnostic tool and I’m not a therapist. What you do with the information I share is completely out of my control because I don’t know you and I am not your therapist.

That’s all I can really say here. I am a bit appalled that you’ve not only come to the conclusion that all of your problems in therapy/system healing are somehow my fault, but you’ve also decided to try and tell me directly that this is so. Your actions you take in healing aren’t something that I can control.

If I can offer some advice here—slow down. Help your protector alter who is trying to speed run this understand that speedrunning the healing process will only cause more problems. Help parts understand that trying to go gung ho into the healing journey before everyone is ready to go that direction will only cause more problems. And lastly, if you think consuming my content has been detrimental to your healing process, block me. Because I’m not going to be silent about ramcoa or what I went through. I will never be silent again.

[ikamigami]

I think the most frustrating thing for me about both Moon and Nexus, or Moons in general if we are speaking multiverse-wide, is that the whole "Moons will always hurt people" isn't inevitable like he and most others think, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, one that Moon, Nexus, and presumably other Moons in the multiverse keep letting themselves feed and fall into, when it could be changed, because if you track their behavior, much of it has roots in the same core flaws that if Moon(and Nexus) made some real effort to fix, and maintain, to genuinely improve themselves, they'd destroy that "Moons will always hurt people" prophecy for good

There is a concept from God of War Ragnarök that I think applies here(SPOILERS AHEAD)

The game asserts that Fate and Destiny are not the result of some divine plan or curse, but rather it is the inevitable outcome of where one's character and behavior will take them, how the react to each scenario is predictable as they always react that way based on their experiences and flaws, that fate is where you will go if you keep acting as you are, that if you do not change, your fate is immutable and inevitable, because you CHOSE to act and react that way, and to break the fate that your current self will lead you to, you must change who you are and how you act

Both versions of Moon seem to be fated to always hurt Sun even when trying to help, but what both fail to realize is that that is not because they are doomed to be this way, that they can't help it, but because they keep repeating the same patterns of behavior that get Sun hurt in the first place, and after hurting Sun they do not change, they don't learn from their mistakes, they do the same thing again as if it will produce a different result, they might try to be nicer, but without changing the core of the problem, the fundamental, selfish and destructive flaws in their character that lead to them hurt people, small changes are only going to stall the "inevitable" conclusion because you cannot apply duct tape over a crack in a dam, it doesn't matter if they have good intentions if they let those flaws manifest in the execution and the result is more pain for everyone

And we are already starting to see what changing those core flaws could look like, look at how much good Nexus had done Sun initially by just being a decent person, by not constantly threatening or insulting Sun(after Earth told him to stop making the bipolar/schizophrenic jokes while Sun was grieving because that was already insensitive if you weren't adding the soul-crushing grief and guilt Sun was suffering through on top of it) and being a safe person, how he listened to Sun when Sun admitted to having hallucinations and didn't insult or diminish him(like Moon used to) and then tried to talk him through it, and outside Sun, look at how close Nexus and Earth were, how vulnerable and supportive they were of one another, how Nexus made Solar feel welcome and gave Solar a home after his own became dangerous to him and offered no judgement despite Solar being an Eclipse(this is ignoring the fact that he destroyed most of the good he had done when he chose to betray and disown them all), and look at how now Moon is trying to not keep secrets, keeping Sun in the loop and asking for his opinions, actually respecting Sun's choices, and most of all, when he comforted Sun about July 16th, there was no selfishness, making it about himself for ONCE, no trying to deny that July 16th was partially his fault, there was simply comfort, validation, concern, and consideration, and look at the good it did for Sun! Sun is actually starting to HEAL from July 16th after that wound kept getting torn open and was left to fester for two years

I am still angry it took Moon(not Nexus, original Moon) this long to actually comfort Sun like this, properly, I think this is the first time there was nothing backhanded from him whatsoever, and also why did it take this long for Sun to be comforted and allowed to process July 16th in a safe environment? Why hadn't that happened immediately after that horrifying day, when Sun was receiving widespread public blame for something that wasn't his fault(and Moon knew that) along with the unimaginable grief and horror of seeing who were basically like his own surrogate children brutally murdered on the Daycare floor in the blink of an eye? Why did Moon have to make it exponentially worse by gaslighting Sun into thinking it was his fault(along with Eclipse doing the same thing)? But better late than never I suppose

My ultimate conclusion is this, and this is a famous saying and I know it is cheesy, but: If nothing changes, nothing changes, if you always do what you always did you'll always get what you always got, if Moon wants to not "be the monster", he must stop pitying himself and break the cycle, only he can, and as we've seen, he CAN actually do it, Nexus did before he decided to destroy it all, and Moon is trying now, he can do better, neither are doomed, it's just a matter of doing good and STAYING that way(of course that doesn't mean they can't have negative moments, but Nexus went far beyond what was right)

Moon and Nexus don't have to be a super-genius, they don't have to be the hero, the savior, they don't have to be this great thing, they never had to be, they just have to communicate, be decent to their brother, that's all Sun ever needed, all he ever wanted from them, just to have a brother who won't hurt him, how hard is that really? Now let's see if Nexus will choose to be better, or follow this dark path he decided to walk to its inevitable, terrible conclusion

Thank you dear anon cause this is exactly what I was thinking but I'm not good at wording things in simple and understandable way..

But you did it and I need to thank you for this again cause now I can share it with my followers and other people in this fandom ^^

I don't have anything to add to this because you said everything 👏

[consumed-by-fandom]

MY ARGUMENT FOR WHY LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO BY TAYLOR SWIFT FITS OSWALD COBBLEPOT A LITTLE TOO WELL

So people seemed quite interested in my thoughts on this sooo here ya go! :p

Spoilers for Gotham (2014) obvs

For context the song fits with Oswald’s Season 3 Arc, where he becomes mayor of Gotham and is taken down and killed by Edward after Oswald kills Ed’s ‘weird ass totally-a-clone-of-his-dead-ex’ girlfriend, Isabella. Oswald survives because of course he does, and plots his revenge against Ed for the rest of the season. AND HE FUCKING GETS IT BECAUSE HES OSWALD FUCKING COBBLEPOT

Anyway lets get into the lyrics shall we?

First off, Riddler is known for his games and puzzles, and in particular his whole revenge plan might have been seen as a game to both of them, with Ed seeing it as a strategic game to destroy Oswald, and Oswald seeing it as a childish game played unfairly to Ed’s own agenda. The tilted stage also ties to Riddler’s showmanship and love of being in the spotlight, as well as how, to Oswald’s perspective, he’s putting himself up on a pedestal while criticising Oswald despite everything Oswald has done for him (I think Oswald definitely saw Isabella’s murder as an act of kindness or love, the latter might be canon too?) Oswald being forced to play the fool is pretty self-explanatory, he was thrown through the rings of Ed’s deception and tests none the wiser to Ed being the culprit.

I think even Oswald would have to admit that Ed outplayed him, using everything he knew about Oswald, all his weaknesses and vulnerabilities, to completely ruin his life and prove a point (even if that point got disproven because he accidentally proved Oswald WAS capable of real love lmao) And how Oswald, as paranoid and wary as he is, still did not believe for a second that Ed would betray him. (This is unrelated but Oswald’s trust issues is so sad to see because as the show goes on he gets increasingly more distrustful of others and by season 5 it doesn’t take much for him to go “YOUVE BETRAYED ME I FUCKING KNEW IT” poor lad). Anyway Ed is a pro at shit eating grins, and has no qualms lying to others, something I think hurts Oswald even more because he always believed that they’d be honest with one another (even though he went behind Ed’s back… hes a bit of a hypocrite guys) But Ed is also one to gloat and mock, perhaps even more than Oswald, and he definitely rubs it in Oswald’s face when he reveals that it was his plan all along, that he was behind everything. Stretching a bit with the gun here but I like to think that Oswald believed they were always on the same page, that Oswald would always call the shots so to speak, that he was the one in control. Ironically it was the shot that Oswald took that pushed Ed to take a shot of his own (i am NOT sorry for the wordplay >:] )

Speaking of wordplay. “Isn’t cool” Ahahah. Get it. Cuz. Cuz ed gets… anyway.

What does Oswald Cobblepot do best when wronged? Plan an elaborate revenge scheme of course! He learns from his mistakes, learns more about who Edward is as a person, and also learns not to let love weaken him :,). His revenge against him does what Ed initially did to him - use his flaws and characteristics to his advantage. And Oswald PLAYS HIM LIKE A FIDDLE by practically leading him to his doom, right until the reveal by the pier. Him escaping death is also surprisingly common for him, surviving from the pier not once, but TWICE by this point in the show. Not to mention all the other murder attempts on his life. The list of names would relate to Oswald’s growing enemies, his revenge hitlist so to speak, with Ed being at the very top for obvious reasons.

I think Oswald would definitely blame other people for his behaviour. Like “you made me this way, you provoked me, you forced my hand.” No dude you just love murder and vengeance get over urself. I MEAN he probably knows he’s ‘just like that’ but he’d still blame people anyway lmao.

When Ed got shipped to Arkham for girlfriend strangling and cop killing Oswald eventually got him out so he could be by his side as he campaigned for mayor of gotham, and he was pretty dedicated to being there for Ed as Ed was for him, even including him in paintings and promoting him to chief of staff. He loved him so much, and would do anything for him (even if it meant doing what he thought was for his benefit. Like killing girlfriends.) So naturally Ed ruining his life and then going off and making a name for himself as the Riddler would absolutely piss Oswald off, because to Oswald he had been so generous and a good friend/potential life partner, and this was the thanks he gets? I could also see Riddler’s rise to prominence as something Oswald would be jealous of, because thats his crime spotlight he’s stealing dammit!

Also. Also Ed stole the keys to his heart ahahahAGUGHUGHUHGAHGHH

Gotham is full of drama all day everyday 24/7, I have to imagine even Oswald gets sick of it after a while lol. Anyway he’s very good at losing himself to his own plans and thoughts driven by his emotions, pushing the rest of the world aside so he can solely focus on his revenge. He never forgets a grudge, he always gets what’s “deserved” to him (and he’s actually really good at getting revenge too, using Ed’s eventual sentence as an example). Ironically that also fits with how Oswald got his punishment for Isabella’s death, but now he’s paid the price, its Ed’s turn (and anyone else who Oswald had a vendetta against at the time. Which was probably a lot of people idk Oswald makes a lot of enemies in the show)

Again, Oswald has MAJOR trust issues and this paranoid only grows as the show goes on and more people betray or leave him. He’s also pretty sly himself, and if his plans include completely screwing you over for whatever reason, you better bet he’s going to do it.

As for the latter lyric…

Do i even need to explain this one?

There isn’t much I can link for this it just seems like something Oswald would say lmao

Aaaaaand thats all! I didn’t go over repeating choruses for obvious reasons, but that’s my own brainrot explanation for why this song fits him soooo well. Now if you’ll excuse me i’m going to daydream about the animation that would go to this that I’ll probably never do.

[ylojgtr]

i've been mulling over tales of the empire and overall i think im very happy with the series. when morgan elsbeth first showed up i thought she was just another one-note imperial warlord, but through ahsoka and now especially tales i have become much more of a fan. how she deals with her clan's genocide was tragic in ahsoka but is just heart wrenching here

barriss was one of my favourite characters in tcw and even though i still think the terrorist arc could have been built up to better and less...uh, racist, i still find it to be an essential and interesting part of ahsoka's story. my only major disappointment with tales of the empire was how vader was handled. im not one to get upset at frivolous or over-the-top uses of vader, i loved him in rogue one and force unleashed etc., since he's objectively cool as fuck and people are entitled to their interpretations. but barriss betrayed ahsoka. and i don't believe for an instant that anakin, even when vader has taken over, would let anyone get away with hurting his padawan.

i decided a long time ago (since we've been waiting so fucking long to see barriss again) that in my hc, barriss *was* recruited to be an inquisitor during the chaos of order 66, as so many people speculated, but that vader immediately tried to kill her upon meeting her the first time. because i love her i decided she did escape, having to recon with her desire for the jedi to fall having come true in the worst possible way.

i imagined barriss further developing a connection to the dark side but using it to combat the empire. there are already so many jedi and thinking of ezra and luke's brief dark side uses i thought it would be sick to see that in full force against sheev & co. i think it would also fit perfectly into her development, if done right, going from highly rule-oriented healer to violent idealistic refugee to finding some kind of peace as a freedom fighter operating somewhere in between. i imagined her learning from the empire and reflections on her bombing that terror is not usually a very good way to spread a message, but still believing that violence can be used for good. sort of like a saw gerrera type but with less of the extreme ends justify the means mentality. hell she could even join saw gerrera's cell that would be sick.

(and of course she'd have to meet up with ahsoka again and YES they still have feelings for each other imagine the romantic tension, the memories of betrayal, the possible reconciliation but impossible circumstances both externally (war) and internally (opposing worldviews)...the potential encounters where they repeatedly end up with the same target but believing there to be two best ways of dealing with it but the TENSION...FUCK i need this)

anyway i like the idea of force users who are ""good"" (like in barriss's case, having strong conviction for justice) but don't strictly use the light side of the force or don't adhere to the jedi code. of course, since this is filoni we're talking about, everyone he previously claimed to "not be a jedi" just ends up being a jedi again 😐

not that i even mind this, i like the end of tales of the empire and am still excited to see what becomes of barriss (assuming she survives, which based on everyone else we've seen stabbed like that recently she probably will) (<not a slight against how lightsabers are being used, i honestly don't care that much it's fantasy). my one big complaint is that we didn't get to see what vader does with barriss.

when the trailer came out i actually thought my dreams were coming true! they show vader walking past her and i was so excited to see his reaction...and then he just sits there. he looks great, but...idk i hope we get to see more of that later on. im just happy to finally see barriss again

[questforgalas]

Sibling moments in the Bad Batch that live rent free in my head

S1E3 "Replacements"

Omega as youngest smallest sibling and getting the floor to sleep on

The shove backwards to have a sibling meeting about a sibling

Wrecker's second youngest energy

"Yeah add it to the list" as Echo casually noms on his ration bar

Tech COMPLETELY ignoring Echo as he rattles off about the ship's state LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO HIM

"Repairs would go faster if I had some help" combined with pointed head tilt and glare. A+ passive sibling sass Echo

"I thought you said they were defective?" Echo loves to call out Tech

"Getting thrown out of hyperdrive. I'd say that's pretty critical Tech." "It's not affecting life support. We are fine." "Are you kidding me?" Siblings 101: maintain sass levels at all times even when crashing towards a planet

Hunter's glare at Tech

Hunter's glance at Echo for support

Wrecker and Hunter both making sure Omega's strapped in

"We're gonna die we're gonna die we're gonna....be fine! We're gonna be fine"

THEIR CRESTFALLEN LOOKS WHEN OMEGA TAKES OUT CROSSHAIR'S KIT 😭😭😭

Allow me to go feral over over analyze this scene because it's one of the best examples of siblings confused and betrayed but still sad

Tech's sigh and frown deepening, eyes never leaving the kit

Hunter's deeeeep sigh and the way his shoulders sag

Hunter's glance away and eyebrow furrow when he says "Crosshair"

Echo's careful observation of Tech and Hunter

Echo's sad glance down when Hunter finishes explaining

Omega's big sad eyes 😭😭

Literally none of them take their eyes off of his kit

"I'll say it. I kinda miss 'im" and Tech immediately glances back down at the kit

Hunter's eyes softening and the brief nod he gives

"He shot you, remember?" "Ha! I sure do! That hurt!" Wrecker may be confused and hurt by Crosshair but he is still so proud and impressed by his sibling I cannot with him

The hope in Wrecker's voice and the hopeful glances they all share talking about the inhibitor chip

Hunter going full big brother mode focusing on the task at hand

Love the rollercoaster of going from soft, confused siblings to Tarkin experimenting on my fave. I want to throw a rock at his head

"Careful, those capacitors hold a massive charge" at the literal experimented genius. Echo is the sibling who needs to explain everything

"I'm a little busy at the moment"

Echo and Hunter both have the same tone and drawl when they say "Tech" in an exasperated way and that's hilarious

"That would've been good to know beforehand, Tech" Echo is so done with and also loves Tech so much

FUCK THAT LAST ONE REALLY HURTS NOW

"I'm part of this squad too now, right?" followed by Echo's shoulder shrug at Hunter like "I don't fucking know what else do we do with her?" was literally my siblings every time they had to babysit me

Hunter's "what's the worst that could happen?" shrug at Tech

Now for the scene that whenever someone says "Hunter doesn't care about Crosshair he never shows any emotion towards him" I will shove their face in the screen and make them watch until their little brains comprehend it

Little Omega copying everything Hunter does down to the same knee bend and finger sifting of the dirt

Omega asking a question every 10 seconds while Hunter is trying to complete a mission

"Can I learn to track like you?" BABES 😭

Hunter's glance back at "Crosshair" and the deep sigh he follows it with

His eyes widening and then turning down with sadness and some anger

Hunter's shoulder sagging sigh at "He can't help it"

"I'm angry at myself. We don't leave our own behind" someone sedate me

Hunter's determined nod after Omega says they'll find a way to get Crosshair back

Cut to the toothpick committing war crimes. IT'S FINE it's fine, he's just going through some things *anxiously sweats in Crosshair fan*

"I tracked the dragon, like you did" Omega is so precious dear god

"Is that my blaster?!" A+ older brother slightly concerned and slightly proud

Crosshair standing to glance around their barracks (keep in mind, last time we saw him enter them, he just shoved his way in, not giving anything a second glance, and in this shot we follow his gaze go across Tech and Hunter's bunks that still have their markings on them)

THE GLANCE DOWN AND PAUSE AT THE MISSIONS BOARD SERIOUSLY SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

Obviously all of these are solo and not actually interaction with the Batch, but Crosshair's slow walk to his bunk to be followed by a deep sigh and obvious look of contemplation/thinking on his face is 10000% him thinking about his brothers you cannot tell me anything differently because you are wrong they set it up for exactly that and the lone shot of him on his bunk, shoulders slumped and clearly defeated wrecks me

"Yeah took you long enough" Wrecker your brothers literally just fixed an entire ship

Hunter's fond and proud look at Wrecker as he unveils the room to Omega 😭😭

Just, like, Hunter that whole scene

Echo's tap on Wrecker's shoulder and his and Tech's approving glances at him

[dumpingfacts-2-notdumped-mylife]

The fact that Theo was able to take Gabe pain away as he dies and the parallel between the two of them is actually so amazing and I just can't be normal about it.

Like we can all agree that they are both dickheads, they've both did a lot of bad, wicked things.

They both tried and almost succed at killing Scott and his pack (Theo way more than Gabe but still we cannot forget that Gabe literally fired through Scott's house until it looks like swiss cheese)

They're both kids, so young and still so twisted by life and their own choices,

They both just human surviving into a world where one is afraid of supernatural and put his whole soul to fight it but still got betrayed by his own side leading him to not fit anywhere in the end and the other is just not able to fit anywhere by his own very way of being which he chose to become in order to obtain better (that's why i consider Theo more human than anything, he represents perfectly the way humans achived perfection and power by lies and treason), living by scratched and blurry rules and thus never actually fitting anywhere (it doesn't mean he cares or that it affects him poorly, it is just a fact)

And Theo sees that in Gabe, he sees the resemblance.

But he also sees how the way Gabe died was useless and so cruel for just a kid,

And that is their biggest common point, Theo was a kid whom got offered fairytales in real life, he got the possibility to become special, the possibility to obtain what he always wanted, he wasn't evil at birth it happens afterward as he met the wrong person and belived them. And so did Gabe, he was forced into a common feard thanks to the anuk-ite but more than that he belived in Monroe when she praised him and promised him lies of securities (what he desired the most), he listend to her and that how he found himself in the hospital in the end.

They both are kids that have been cheated on by adultes. And where Theo has been able to change, Gabe got his redemption stolen by the one who make him need to have one.

However I'm absolutly not saying they didn't know what they were doing, they did, especially Theo. But it doesn't change that none of them were fully aware of what they got themselves, at least in the beggining and Gabe was really blind to the consequences of his actions.

And that is how Theo was able to care for Gabe, not because he change so much is was able to give a shit and blah blah blah, no it's because he actually knows how bad it hurts to came back on earth after feeling invincible, he knows how it feels to be alone while there is other person around, he knows betrayal from both sides, he knows what it feels like to die alone, he knows the feeling to be kill by the hands you once trusted and deceived, he knows that no matter what Gabe did in the end he is still a kid who was afraid, a kid who just wanted more for himself.

Yes the scene also show how much Theo changed (saison 5 Theo wouldn't have gave any shite) yes he learned to not care but acknowledge others, to see a bit more than just himself, he learned what being accepted, even just a little feels like, he learned to actually appreciates compagny, he learned that life is not just fulfilling objectif but also enjoying being there, being alive.

This scene with Gabe resume all thoses changes.

He is still Theo and still does not really bother for others than himself (as we see in the scene with Mason earlier in the saison) but he now makes effort (he tried to take Mason's pain).

And in the end he took the pain of the one who feels like him, the first step to finaly healing from himself, he took the pain of the one who feels like him when he was painfully dying because Theo sees himself in Gabe and decided to help, he sees him dying like a dog, whimpering, surrounded by ennemies in the hospital (the same hospital Theo died again and again in) and help, he did to Gabe what no one ever did to him and i find that amazing.