#we were at the church i grew up in but i didnt really notice even though i fucking hate that place

[milkwands]

had a dream abt him last night

[sludge-wizard]

I’ve noticed lately there’s an uptick in people who write characters as being poor/growing up poor(particularly Mario and Luigi), and I love to see it because I grew up poor myself. I wanted to compile a bunch of memories I have of growing up poor as a potential reference to anybody who wants it, because i know not everybody here was broke but wants to write characters as broke and it can be hard to find resources that AREN’T just guesses at what things might’ve been like. do note my own experiences aren’t universal, but they’re what I’m familiar with since it was my own childhood.

Definitely not a totally complete list and I'll add more as I think of them, and if people want to ask me questions for any clarification, go ahead!

-Brushing our teeth by taking a mouthful of watered down mouthwash and sticking the toothbrush in your mouth and brushing with your mouth full so we didnt need to buy toothpaste

-often times breakfast was just a glass of milk because it was relatively cheap

-fancy family breakfasts were sundays only and usually simple french crepes because they’re only eggs milk and flour, and we’d have them with butter+sugar or lemon+sugar

-my mom was a waitress at nights and those days she’d send home leftovers from her job as dinner since they didnt want to waste at the restaurant she worked at

-Birthdays i always shared with my older sister and parties were every other year with a hard limit on 5 invites each. they were either at the small family owned movie theatre or the bowling alley.

-I never had a playdate at my own house. I never understood at the time, but i know now it was because our house was really run down and we didn’t have extra snacks or anything to entertain guests really

-once a month our mom would have enough change scrounged up to send me and my siblings (5 of us total) to the corner store 2 blocks down for slurpees. Highlight of the month.

-we’d have quesadillas a lot (tortillas with cheese salsa and chicken, not really authentic) because one grocery store chicken could feed everybody for 2 days straight this way

-fried rice or hash browns with bacon and onions were a common meal since onions, potatoes, rice and bulk frozen bacon was cheap at the time

-every family pet we ever had were rescues we got for free with the exception of my 2 current cats which my mom bought for $75 off of kijiji 14 years ago. I still have the kitties!

-we often had those massive flatpacks of assorted soda flavours because it was cheaper than juice or bottled water but we were limited to 2 cans a week

-we shared the bathwater up until we were in highschool, and even then we wouldn’t drain the tub if somebody else needed a bath and they could re-use the water.

-the local church would send a lot of donations our way. the most prominent were bags upon bags of day old bakery bread they couldnt sell.

-a lot of times dinner were whole frozen fish we could get for cheap since they were too small to cut and sell as fillets.

-hot dogs were a VERY common meal because they were cheap in bulk frozen packs

-the fanciest appliance in the whole house was a massive, clunky kitchen maid my mom got at her wedding.

-we always made our own fresh pesto since it was much cheaper than storebought pastes. it also tastes WAY better imo

-every christmas the local church would request gifts of a certain variety, under the premise of secret santas. they’d ask for “gift for -gender- child, -age-, -interest- and then send the gifts to the appropriate family. We got a LOT of gift cards to places like indigo or EB games/Gamestop for this reason

-the year my older brother and I got nintendo DSlites for christmas was because we were donated money. we each got 1 DS game each, and took turns with them. all the DS games we got after that were second hand or donated.

-I had about 15 random Littlest Pet Shops and no houses/playsets for them because again, donations. the one year I finally got one was during a white elephant at the local church, where I got the messenger pigeon and post office.

[candy8448]

So i rambled for way longer than i thought i would and may have gone totally off track from where the original post went. I just had to talk with my own ongoing experience with religion and how i was made to learn about it. ill just copy and paste the last paragraph as a tldr

TLDR: Its useless to raise your child as a christian if all you are doing is enforcing routine and rules without giving a reason or meaning for them, in fact, it can leave them more lost and leave them to either abandon it, or force them to pick up pieces on their own.

---------

I agree, but depending on how its done, it can be way too overbearing. I grew up in an extremely orthodox christian family and my mum was really strict in what we had to do.

Of course praying and going to church is important but the problem was that we would go to an arabic church so when i was little, indid not understand a word, and that's why i started to feel that church was a massive waste of time. It was meaningless to me and even when we went to an english mass, my mum didn't explain what was going on so i still didnt understand the meaning of what was being said and still found it a waste of time. (I still to this day get irritated when going to church because of this, old thoughts stick sometimes)

My mum also wouldn't teach us the meaning of praying properly. Obviously its talking to God but to me it was just reading words that made no sense to me from a pre-made book. I never learned how to acctually open my heart to God and actually feel like im talking to him.

Those were the main reasons why i hated being a christian, i was just not taught what any of it meant in a way i could understand and it was being pushed way too strictly onto me and too often when i didnt even know what the point was.

I also cant bring myself to go to confession because sure, maybe a priest has permission to forgive sins but i thought God was able to hear us praying and that if we really wanted to be forgiven, surely God will understand if we do it through prayer and not have to talk to someone about our sins, surely he understands how difficult it can be confronted by another human who you feel is still on a human level and therefore has no reason to hear what i want God to hear?

Many questions ive had have been dismissed by my mum and by others at church by "it's what God wants us to do" or "it's what's in the Bible" when i wanted a meaning behind it. And when i express my doubts of being christian, they just "solve" it by enforcing everything harder, which is what drew me away in the first place, even when i express what the problem is.

Ive also noticed way too many things im told to do or beliefs that are told i should believe that i feel directly contradict something else ive heard before or what im taught that God is like and it just makes the entire idea of the Bible so trivial to me.

I will admit, i do still feel doupt about being a christian. Dont get me wrong, i certainly believe in God and that he exists, there is no doupt in that, but i still find it difficult to do "what the Bible says" because ive never been given a reason to care about it.

And ive been trying to figure out how to fix that, but the problem is that i have to on my own. I pay attention to church now, but only because im old enough to be able to decipher the meaning on my own. I never feel close when im "praying" where i force myself into a room and read out pre-written psalms from the agpya, i feel close to God when i have a question for him randomly in the car, and i just stop my thoughts to ask them, and even if i dont get a direct answer, i often feel much better, or when i feel like i need to say something to him while im walking randomly, but all i was taught was to robotically read out stuff to "speak to God" instead of being taught that maybe prayer doesnt need to be a structured thing to be real.

Ive had to figure it all out on my own, and still i have so many unanswered questions and so many doupts because my mum never actually taught me the meanings behind them.

Its useless to raise your child as a christian if all you are doing is enforcing routine and rules without giving a reason or meaning for them, in fact, it can leave them more lost and leave them to either abandon it, which i was so close to doing many times before, or force them to pick up pieces on their own.

Yes i believe in God and many things ive been told again and again stuck with me, and i still think certain things that i was taught all because i was raised "like a christian", it is better than raising your kid completely without it if you believe in it, but i really think that if you are going to raise your kid as a christian, then really do raise them as a christian and not raise them like following a rulebook

Also allow the child to make their own interpretation on what they learn, the Bible has been translated hundreds of times and meaning can change. Let them contradict you if they think something different as long as it doesnt hurt anyone (being lgbt+ for example doesnt hurt anybody!) Being a christian to me is having your own connection with God, not being forcefed beliefs even if you do explain them properly.

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.” – The Family: A Proclamation to the World

I’ve seen a lot of people giving up on the idea of the family and the gospel lately, so I felt like I should share. There is nothing broken about the ideal of a family with a father and mother and children, all striving to live as Jesus taught. Not all families look like this, and not all families that try to follow the gospel are happy, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with the idea. It is still worth striving for.

If you ever worry that you are somehow doing your child a disservice by teaching them what you believe and encouraging them to follow the commandments you believe in, consider whether they would really be happier without it, and whether they would find it on their own. Without your active, positive influence, they will be far more susceptible to the adversary, who will not step back just because you do. He does not have their best interests in mind. The world needs parents who care enough to show their children the path. It is up to the child to decide whether to walk it.

[cilldaracailin]

Staycation Day 3...

So we went very touristy today (and I guess a warning in advance, religious too. I dont know if I need to give a 'warning' and I respect and understand everyone has a different faith but I visited somewhere very Catholic today so I felt, a 'warning' was somewhat needed just because...)

Anywhoo, first off this morning, King Johns Castle in Limerick. I learnt a lot and forgive my Irish bias here but my God the English were penisheads!!

Tiny Irish history lesson - King Henry the 2nd had a number of sons - one if which was Richard the Lionheart (I am sure we all know of him) and another John who came to Ireland on behalf of his father to basically further the English rule over Ireland. Although the castle is called King Johns, he never visited it and the castle was so called after he died. History lesson in short, John, Henry and a number of other English (and to be fair Irish people too), rebelled and warred and fought against each other to try and win Limerick and in the end the English won, taking over Irish chieftian lands, making it illegal to follow traditional Irish customs. There is a lot more to it then that with all the inbetweeny stuff but that was gist of it. England won but obviously that changed as history moved in.

There was an exhibtion first and then you could go under the castle and also climb up the top.

It was really interesting. Here are some photos...

Ok and here is the religiousy bit...

I left Limerick to head for Co Mayo and on the way towards my next stop, I saw a sign for a place called Knock.

If anyone is familiar with the story of Fatima in Portugal, it is the same religious apparition.

Knock is a tiny town and in 1879 it was teeny tiny. On August 21st 1879, in the evening, on a very wet evening, 15 witness's saw a heavenly vision surrounded by a white light in front of the church. Each one said it was the Virgin Mary dressed in white robes, her hands held together in prayer. On her right stood St Joseph and on her left, John the Evangelist. The 15 stood and prayed for two hours in front of the light until it faded away and although they were wet, none noticed any rain falling as they prayed.

All witness's were spoken too, all said the same thing and all were of sound mind, ranging from the ages of 16 to 70 plus.

Its a place I have never been too and as I was so close decided to visit.

I am not an overly religious person even though I grew up going to mass every week, have gone through all reglious practices of a Catholic person. Now I guess I pray and have faith in different ways, only going to mass twice a year now but it was so very strange kneeling in that shrine. I felt suddenly overly emotional and even got teary and I have no idea why at all. It's very hard to explain but I dont know what it was. Just wierd and I don't even know if I believe that Mary did appear to those people but being in that church was surreal. Though in saying that, I have always wanted to go and visit Fatima and the Vatican and when Pope Francis came to visit Ireland in 2018, I did go to the mass in the Phoneix Park in Dublin but being in a place that is so holy well I can't find the right words. Just strange.

Anyway, I took some photos outside, not inside because even I know something like this deserves to be respected.

The triangular glass building is where the appariation happened and you can just about see the point of the top of the orginial church on the left roof side of the triangle.

But yeah, for me it was great to go and see it and I am glad I did. Unfortunately because of COVID people are not allowed to touch what is called 'the gable'. It's a piece of the church where the appriation happened. There have been some incredible stories of sick people/people with disabilities touching the gable and being cured so who knows.

That little odd square piece is the gable. I would have liked to have been able to touch it and if it hadn't of been so busy, I would have sneaked a sneaky touch but didnt want to risk it.

I got some holy water and rosary beads instead.

Each to their own with their beliefs and faith but I just wanted to share my visit to Knock and experience and for me, I enjoyed it.

I am now at my next stop in Castlebar Co. Mayo. I've no pictures. Its not a capital city or anything. Just a town. Tomorrow I am going to visit another touristy town and am debating whether to do the Aran Islands. Cos I'm moving onto Co. Donegal for tomorrow evening, there's not a lot of time for island hopping so might just leave it and do the beaches instead.

Anyway, I am rambling

Oh more news... two of my fish died (Elton and Eggsy) and I just have Eddie left. My mam sent me this video today...

She got me 2 new fishy's!!! Haha! I laughed so much when I saw the video! She has called them Crystal and FireFly (Don't ask where she got the names from).

So Eddie has two new friends to play with! What a mad surprise! Also I laughed too 'cos in the video mam sent me (I edited that one above down), she let the bag fall over and the fish went splash! Hilarious!

Ok I am done now!

Suze xx

[amugoffandoms]

saw SIX on Broadway on Monday and here are everything I thought of/details I recognized during the show! Nicole went on as Boleyn that night as well, so whenever I say Anne/Boleyn, I'm talking about her version of Boleyn!

also a lot of caps and keyboard smashing because why not o.o

THE SWCOND I HEARD THE OPENING NOTES FOR EX-WIVES I WENT, OH SHIT ITS STARTING FUCKERS GET READY HRRE WE GO..

literally everything looked so cool from my seat (I was in the rear mezzaine so some specific details might be a bit lost o.O)

SPARKLY COSTUMES

Holy shit they sing so well and I am just WOW

literally I was juet in awe

also the lights in the back very funky

Audience interaction!!!

hi Queens :D

the protestant line from Parr (Joy) was really funny o.o even when Katherine (Sam) looked at Parr and was like ??? until she explained

the Thomas Cromwell line was really funny even though I've heard it so many times

WELCOME TO THE SHOW TO FHE CORONATION WHO WILL TAKE THE CROWN AS THE POP SENSATION EVERYBODY KN-

ARAGON!!! (Adrianna)

MARIA GIVE ME A BEATT

I SIDNT REALIZE THAT THE LIGHTS ON FHE BACK WALL THING GLOW UP EVERYTIME SHE SAYS "OKAY."

Aragon motioned for everyone to come closer and they were like ??? And then OH.

then she was like "I don't think I'd look that good in a wimple..." and all the Queens nodded like "yes, queen very true.."

THERES NO WAY, YOU MUST AGREE THAT BABY IN ALL THE TIME-

YES ARAGON GO OFF QUEEN???

that part where they acted like a church choir was so cool I was wow wonzaj

literally I fucking loved it

dancing dancing

I got distracted for a second and then they were doing the line where Aragon is on her knees and I focus again and they're just staring at the audience like: "anything?? I'm waiting???"

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY IM NOT GOING AWAY THERES NO WA-

yes go off aragon!!

I WON THE COMPETITION AND I HIT THAT TOP C SO YOU KNOW...

the really famous one that people actually care about

BOLEYN INTERLUDE

I saw Anne (Nicole) move closer to the centrr of the seat/stair and I was confused for a second and then I REMEMBERED IT WAS THE BOLEYN INTERLUDE

YOO LETS GO DLYH

GREW UP IN A FRENCH COURT OUI OUI BONJO-

Nicole got into that role my God Anne actually felt like someone who knew and didn't know what she was doing

DONT BE BITTER, 'CAUSE IM FITTER im PRETTY SURE SHE SAID THAT LINE WIFH AN ACCENT

THE PART WHERE THE MARRIAGE MUSIC PLAYS ANNE LIKE WALKS LIKE SHE HAD A BOUQUET AND ALL THE QUEENS ARE CRYING AND THEN SHE THROWS THE BOUQUET

when that uappens like all the Queens reach for the bouquet [Anna (Brittney) grabs Katherine's hair] AND THEN WHEN SHE SAYS, "HOLD UP LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT WENT DOWN." everyone moved back in position

YES ANNE TELL HENRY OFF

Oh shit she about to die o.o

The red lights felt like danger o.o (also I had just watched like those off Broadway heathers but I point out the small details like a few days before and I kinda recognized them from the Yo Girl song??)

"IM NOT SORRY"

DONT LOSE YOUR HEAD

THE LIGHT WAS LIKE JUST ON ANNE'S HEAD LIKE??

what a weekend, I'm like dead wait didn't you actually die?

CATHERINE WAS MASSIVE CU- I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT WAIT DONF AIQOKWK

Jane (Keri) DID LITTLE HOPS OR SOMETHING TO HER SPOT ON STAGE AND I JUST FOUND IT KINDA SWEET LIKE??

I was lucky.. (The queens look at her) I was really lucky..

honestly I was so excited to hear Keri because I hadn't heard her before o.o

MY GOD GO OFF JANE WTF

THE TRUTHFULLY PART I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD...

YEAHHHHH YOU CZN BUILD ME UP YOU CAN TEAR ME DOWN YOU CAN TRY BUT- (HONESLTY I WAS JUET IN SHOCK, I FUCKING CLAPPED SO LOUDLY)

HONESTLT I CANT ITS UUST LIKE OH MY GODD I FANT..

YOULL STILL FIND STONE MY HEART OF STONE

HONESTLY I DIDNT NOTICE MUCH BECAUSE I WAS JUDF SO EXCITED TO LISTEN

BUT HEY SHE HELD HER STOMACH LIKE SHE HAD A CONNECTION TO EDWARD IM GRASPING AT STRAWS BUF LIKE HEY..

I fucking CLAPPED during the ending

cause what hurts more than a broken heart? A severed head.

I FORGOT HAUS OF HOLBEIN EXISTED AND THEN WHEN THE SMOKE CAME IN INWAS LIKE: !!!! WAIT!!!!

he had to change his location settings if you will

IN ZE HAUS OF HOLBEIN JAAA DAS IST GUT OOH JA

MY GOD IF WAS LIKE SOME BIG ASS PARTY MY MOM WAS BOPPING ALONG AS WELL LIKE

AT LEAST YOUR COMPLEXIOJ WILL BRING ALL THE BOYS IN

To hold everything up o.o

TIE THESE HEELS SO HIGH ITS NAUGHTY, but we can not guarantee that you'll still walk at forty ;)

yes let's fucking dance bitch yes

oh the lights are o-

NEVERMIND

THE HAUS OF HOLBEIN

CHRISTINA OF DENMARK (PARR) FUCKINGNTURNED AROUND AND LOOKED AT THE RED BOX LIKE: "bifch what..." AND LOOKED TOWARDS BESSIE LIKE YOU SEE THIS RIGHT??

OKAY SO AFTER ANNA GETS PICKED AND THE QUEENS WALK OFD STAGE, PARR STAYS BEHIND JUST TO SAY THE HAUS OF HOLBEIN AND JOY IS FUCKING FLEXIBLE LIKE SHE BENT BACKWARDS SLIGHTLT LIKE O.O

Anna's like entire speech about how tragic her life has been is so funny

LIKE EVEN BRITTNEY FUCKING PAUSSS BEFORE TRAFIC AND LIKE THROWS OJF LIKE SYNONYMS OF TRAGIC OR WHATEVER LIEN AIQJOWJS

Here WE GO GET DOWN MOTHER FUCKERZ

release the bitches woof

I'm sorry but the fact that the Queens have to keep thr most stone cold face during it is so funny like??

profile picture time bitcjez

IM THE QUEEN OF THE CASTLE

she fucking grooved during the grt down part like

And then the profile picture part was funny like her face and her hand movement like Ishwia

ANNA WAS LIKE "....hey." DURING THAT ONE PART AND I WAS LIKE ??? HEY WHO IS THIS??

THE COSTUME REVEAL?? WOAH I FORGOT BOE COOL IT WAS

keep the applause for a few minutes Anna yes

when she says like, "I look my rad than LUTHERANISM.." She fucking skipped I think??

OKAY LADIES LETS GET REFORMATION.

The face she makes after she says, "that I tricked ya" is so funny like o.o

oh my GOD THE OPERA SINGING PART WHEN SHE SAYS GET DOWN YOUNDIRTY RASCAL INWAS LIKE WHAT THE FU K. HELLO? HELLO?? IT WAS SO AMAZING HUH

she did the "heyyy.." again and it was really funny

I'm not saying im a gold digger, but check my prenup (AYE) AND GO FIGURE

when she did the "MY HORSES CAN TROT UP TO 12 MILES PER HOUR" She did the thing and I was like uHM.. O.O

IM A WIENER SCHNITZEL, NOT AN ENGLISH FLOWER

the Queens did the money thingy with their hands and I was like o.o WOA

like during the tricked ya line the Queens sing Britt does a little dance like o.o I'm pretty she also said "oh how you doing?" But honestly I'm rewatching a slime tutorial to remember what she did during the thing so I can't remember details o.o

HENRY. NO. YOU CANT STOP ME.

I'm the Queen of the castle :) GET DOWN YOU DIRTY RASCAL >:)

SO THAT PART WHEN AN AUDIENCE MEMBER GETS UP AND DANCE THE AUDIENCE MEMBER WA SLIKE ME?? AND TOOK A SECOND TO GET UP AND DANCE AND ANNA WAS LIKE, YEAH YOU COME ON LETS DANCE

"Cause I'm the Queen of the Castle." yes QUEEN GO OFF.

so yeah it was really heartbreaking. That doesn't sound difficult at all?? Oh yeah, you're right. I probably won't win then, BACK TO THE PALACE!!

THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY HAD PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH.

my son had to deal with the loss of his mother. oh wow, kinda like how my body had to deal with the loss of its head. Queens, come on now. Can't you see what's happening? Comparing your losses isn't gonna change the fact that I've already won. :)

honestly the entire dialogue before Katherine's roast is HILARIOUS

same! Yeah, same! Nice neck by the way. :) (high five)

WHEN ARAGON DID THE LINE ABOUT THE CHICKEN POX AND JANE CAME IN LIKE SOUNDING LIKE SHE WAS WHINING NSIANIW

"oHhhhh, bAbbYy MarRyyY had the CHICKEN POX and yOouu didn't get to hold her hand!! you know it's funny because wHennN I wanted to HoLld MyY nEwborNn SonNn, I DIED." (casually poses)

GUYS I HAVE THE PLAGUE!! (What?) LOL JUST KIDDING MY LIFE'S AMAZING.

it's time we heard from our next Queen, K. Howard!! (I CASUALLY WOOOO!)

oh uhm I think she was the least relevant Katherine.. oh yeah i still don't care (Nicole oddly made it sound like she was going to say something else but then said that and Made it sound like regular dialogue?? I don't know lol)

IM SORRY BUT KAT'S ROASF WAS SO DUNNT.

your lives sounded terrible!!... and your songs.. :)... your songs... your songs REALLY helped to convey that.

I'm sorry but when Kat roasted Anne, I COULD NOT. "divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, behea- oh, nevermind." AND MOCES ON LIKE WHATJ IWMWIWMW

Jane, dying of natural causes... WHEN WILL JUSTICE BE SERVED?? (SHE RAISED HER HANDS AND I STILL FIND THAT FUNNT)

and surviving........... (moves on AND I FOUND THAT FUCKING HILARIOUS LIKE THE LONGSILENCE) Parr looked at Bessie again I think and was like my God she did not..

All jokes aside, being rejected for your looks, that legit sounds really rough. I wouldn't know anything about that. I mean, look at me, I'm really hot.... (She like paused like uh... so uh..) SO ICANT EVEN BEGIN TO THINK OF HOW I COMPETE WITH TOU ALL.. OH WAIT, LIKE THS..

durinf kat's roast, BRITTNEY HAD TO LOOK AWAY BECAUSE SHE JUST COULDNT I

YES BITCH AYWD LETS FUCKING GO..

bro I was so excited for this song like I EAS JUST EXCITED

I think I saw Anna run back on stage probably after a break o.o

NOT THE STONE COLD FACES AGAIN.

I was 13 (innocent voice), going on 30 (regular voice??)

MAJOR TO MINOR, C TO D (IT WASNT AS HARSH LIKE IN SLIME TUTORIAL, BUT IT WAS FUCKING HILADIOUS EITJE WAY.)

YES GO OFF

ew hands.. get off her you fucks o.O

the dancing oddly seems more innocent and she got into the dancing??

playtime

SHE DRAGGED THE ASS PART OF ASSISTANT FOR A BIT AND I WAS LIKE OH OH OKAY

"favorite quill" AND SHE OUTS BITH OF HER HANDS ON THE MICBKKE I DIDNT KNOWCWTATBDHE MEWMT.. I KNEW KATHERINE, I KNEW..

CHORUS PART 2 THE DANCING FELT SIMILAR TO LAST TIME SO I DIDNT REALLY NOTICE ANYTHING

I can't rememv34 how she said it, but when she was talking abou5 how th4y employ women to grt them into their private chambers, she sounded a bit tired?? Like of all the men??

"you'll never guess who I met!! tall, large!.. Henry the viii...." LIKE WHEN SHE SAID HENRY'S NAME SHE WEBT SO SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT?

To be honest the dancing was really funky loved it :D

she tries to get their hands off of her :( and then they return :(((

SHE OOOKED SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING DYRING THE 3RD CHORUS LIKE.. KATHERINE HONEY I WILL HUG YOU WIRH TOIR CONDENT VUT

the queens casually close in on katherine

so we got married... woo?

KATHERINE NO HE IS NOT A FRIEND I KNOW YOU WANT ONE BUT-

casually knocks away the hands away :)

he says we have a connec...tion.. (PAUSE FOR THE HANDS AND THE DISAPPOINTMENT AND PAIN. [I THINK SOMEONE LAUGHED LIKE NO GAMERBOSS NO..]) I thought this time was different. Why did I think he'd be different? but IT'S NEVER EVER (THE EMOTION WHEN SHE SAID EVER HUH??) DIFFERENTTTTTTTTTT NOO NO.

BRO KAT SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO CRY LIKE SHE LITERALLY HWD TO PAUSE OCCASIONALLY LIKE SHE WAS SOBBING

IN FACT THINK SHE PROBABLY WAS??

I WAS LIKE WHAT??

NO NO NO NO I LOVE YOU PLATONICALLY KAT PLEASE NO TEARS I WILL CRY

I WAS SO SURPRISED

HER VOICE WAS SHAKING I THINK AND SHE KITERALLY WAS GOUNG TO CRY??

WHEN WILL ENOUGH BE ENOUGHIES?? she sounded so heartbroken I could not..

PLAYTIME'S OVER.. THE ONLY THING, THE ONLY THING, THE ONLY THING YOU WANNA DO IS MWAH. (BRO SHE SOUJDED LIKE SHE WAS CRYONG WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.)

THE LIGHT ON THE EHAD

she like casually wipes her tears and waits until the applause is over (which takes a while o.o)

...and then I was beheaded :)

Seeing as I won the competition, I want to thank all the men that got me to where I am today. (KAT SOUNDED LIKE SHE HESITATWD FOR A MOMENT??) Couldn't have done it without you. Thank you, New York! Good night! (All the Queens come in right before she ends and like tells them to stop ending the show o.O)

There were four choruses, that's how much sh- I had to deal with. Yeah, yeah, sorry, when you died, your son had to live without a mother. Wait, that was me and no one cared when you died.

It's not her fault no one remembers her bland and uneventful life. :)

Parr looked at Kat for a moment like, "You okay??"

THREE HISTORICALLY CONFIRMED MISTRESSES. OH, YEAH? WELL, WHEN I WAS QUEEN, I HAD NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE MISCARRIAGES!! WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, ANNE BO-LOSER?? I HAD FIVE MISCARRIAGES!!! SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK- (Anna like walks towards Catalina like bitch woAH CALM DOWN UOLD ON..)

Parr just stands there like uh.. yeah uh.. I'm.. uh

ALSO PARR LWTS FUCKING GO (MY FIRST FSVOTITR QUEEN)

jazz music energy??

Someone in the audience laughed and then Anne went, "hahaha, what?" I find the timing very funny

When Joy said, "wOAH-" when the light shone on her it was really funny o.o

What gets the biggest cheer, trauma or abuse? Woohoo! (yes queen)

"I'M CatHerIne ParR! I dRaW thE liNe in arbItrAry pLacEs!! BLAH, blah blah." KATHERINE JSIAJWOWJWJW (SAM SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS MOCKING PARR AND WHINING AT THE SAME TIMEBAUWJAKWJ)

All the Queens literally clap while Cathy tries to stop them and they're like, "Yes, Catherine, yes. Congratulations." and then Parr turns to face the audience like, "you see this?? You see this??"

Are you sure, Catherine? Are you sure you're not tired from BACKING VOCALS? (DAMN BIFCH WTF ajJAJSNS THE AUDIENXE ALL WENT OOOOHH... LIKE OH MY GOD KATHERINE JWKAKQ)

Go on Queens, take a seat :)

honestly the Parr dialogue was just so interesting to listen to even though I know it well o.o joy made it interesting :D especially the gold star for Cathy Parr part sinajajw

Tudor womanhood, would recommend. :)

She sounded so disappointed and sad during the part where she talked about Thomas and then how Henry came in

IDNYL STARTING...

SHE SOUNDED SAD AGAIN :(

FEELS SO RIGHT.. IM HOLDING BACK THE TEARS TONIGHT... :((

The singing was... on Parr. (JANE WOULD BE PROUD OF ME FOR THAT ONE.)

but seriously, the singing was amazing

Somehow I had that choice... No holding back I'd raise my voice! I'd say Henry, yeah, it's true, I'll never belong to you! (ARAGON UNCROSSED HER LEGS AND LOOKED AT CATHERINE FOR A MOMENT BEFORE ANNE GOT UP AND EVERYONE STARTED TO AS WELL.)

JANE HESITATED WHILE GETTING UP LIKE HMM SYMBOLISM?

THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO! I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE, NOO NOOO. (yes queens vibe with Parr yes) I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE, NOO NOOO.

But the thing is I can't say that. Not to the King ;(

So this is goodbye. All my love, Cathy.

YES LETS GO CATHY COME ON

I find that fheees probably some kind of symbolism/metaphor/whatever when she distances herself away from the other Queens to show that she'd rather not have her story aligned with the other Queens and Henry, but would want it to be about HER if you understand. But also because, well, not in the competition

THAT I WAS A WRITER. I WROTE BOOKS AND PSALMS AND MEDITATIONS. YES QUEEN YOU DID!!! ALSO JOY MADE THIS LINE SO EXCITING I THINK??

YES QUEENS HYPE HER UP

I DISAPPEAR ;(

Wait I don't get it? Okay, look, why does anyone remember who we are? MY SIXTH FINGER!! (AND SHE LIKE HELD UP HER OTHER HAND TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SIXTH FINGER AND I DIDNF KNOW THE ACTORS FKR ANNE (OR MAYVE JUST NICOLE) DID THIS THAT WAS SO FUNNY.) Put it away, babe.

When Cathy asked who Henry the VII wife was, everyone looked at Anne like, "you know bitch??"

We don't know. CATHERINE DE VALOIS!... (And then she pauses and Anna looks at her like, "...girl-") I MEAN- We don't know.

But isn't there a bigger problem?? The dissolutions of the monasteries. No. I'm talking about us. Because as soon as we get together as a group- Everyone notices Jane can't dance! (AND THEN JANE TRIES TO DEFEND HERSELF LIKE, "UHM- HOLD ON, UH-")

THE SIX SOUNDED SO SAD ;(

Oh my God, I get it! Since the only thing we have in common is our husband, grouping us is an inherently comparative act and as such unnecessarily elevates a historical approach ingrained in patriarchal structures. (Anne says it like you're SUPPOSED TO KNOW SHES SMART AND TO BE HONEST, YOU SHOULD /J but honestly it was just really funny.) Yeah. I read.

So, basically, we' re stuck. What a waste of time. I guess there's not much we could do about it now. (And now they scatter across the stage and are just standing there like. Uhm. Hm. Hm . Well. Uh. [I think Parr was just leaning against thr stair thing near Maggie]

I DONTNREMEMBER WHEN BUT IT WAS PROBABLY HERE WHEN AN AUDIENCE MEMBER SHOUTED "SING TOGETHER!!" AND THEN KATHERINE RIGHT AFTER SAID HER LINE ABOUT FIGHTING THE WHOLE SHOW OAIANQ

We could have done like a fake competition, showing us how messed up comparing us is. Then, we could have found some cool way to reclaim our stories or all become the leading ladies. Aw, we could have done it as a song! :(

If only we'd thought of it before.... ;)

SO WE HAD NO CHOICE. BUT NOW ITS ALONE. SO WE GOT NO CHOICE. NO WE GOT NO CHOICE. WE'RE TAKING BACK THE MICROPHONE. IM GONNA RAISE MY VOICE.

YOU NEED TO KNOW!! I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE, NO NOOO. NO I DONT YOUR LOVE!!

PARR'S TURN GET READY

YES JOY GO OFF!!!

NOO I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE.. NOO

YOU CAN GET ON OUT!! YOU CAN WALK ON OUT THE DOOR!!

OH MY GOD THE SINGING AGAIN AHT WUF8CK

NEW YORK, WE HAVE A VOICE!! WE SAID WE HAVE A VOIIICEEE! (i THINK WHE GOT INTERRUPTED BY THE CHEERING SOWUJAA)

Well, actually- Now's not the time, Catherine :)

WOOOO FHE CHEERS

ARE YOU READY FOR A ROYAL HAPPY EVER AFTER??... Well, we don't have one. (that STILL IS so funny to me oh my hod)

They all walk off stage and I'm sitting there like, oh you lying you LYING

WAIT, THIS IS OUR SHOW AND WE CAN HAVE WHATEVER ENDING WE WANT!

ARE YOU READY GUYS

ONE OF A KIND, NO CATEGORY, TOO MANY YEARS, LOST IN HIS STORY, WE'RE FREE, TO TAKE OUR CROWNING GLORY, FOR FIVE MINUTES!!! WE'RE SIX!!!

Well, I wouldn't mind going first for a change JAKAJSJWUW

I FUCKING HURT MY HANDS CLAPPING TO THE BEAT BUT ALSO CLAP TO THE BEAT

LIKE YES I WILL PARTICIPATE WITHOUT HESITATION

YES REJECT HIM ARAGON YES LETS GO GIRLBOSS

NO WAY PACKED MY BAGS AND MOVED INTO A NUNNERY

I CHANGED A COUPLE WORDS AND PUT IT ON A SICK BEAT

THE SONG BLEW THEIR MINDS NEXT MINUTE I WAS SIGNED, AND NOW IM WRITING LYRICS FOR SHAKESY. P

HONESTLY LETS JUST FUCKING VIBE

WEVE MADE A BAND AND GOT QUITE WELL KNOWN. YOU COULD PERHAPS CALL US THE TUDOR VON TRAPPS.

ONLY KIDDING!! WE'RE CALLED THE ROYALLING STONES (CAUSALLY DOES A ROCK POSE YES QUEEN) (ALSO ANNA WAS LIKE GIRL PLEASE NO AND TRIED TO STOP HER AKBASIJW)

CLAP TO THE BEAT AGAIN

I KNOW THE DANCE TO THIS BECAUSE OF HOW MANY TIEMS IVE SEEN THE CHORUS IN SLIME TUTORIALS

ALRIGHT WHO WANTS TO GO NEXT?? I GOT THIS.

SO I MOVED TO THE HAUS OF HOLBEIN IN MY HOME TOWN. HIS FRIENDS WERE SUPER ARTY BUT I SHOWED THEM HOW TO PARTY.

NOW ON MY TOUR OF PRUSSIA, EVERYBODY GETS DOWN

MUSIC MAN TRIED IT ON BUT I WAS LIKE BYE (YES QUEEN YESSSSSS!!!) SO I THOUGHT WHO NEEDS HIM I CAN GIVE IT A TRY!!

I LEARNED EVERYTHING AND ALL I DO IS SINNNGGGG (OH MY GOS YES PLEASE YES GOOD FOR YOU!!!) AND ILL DO THAT UNTIL I DIE.

ALL THE OTHER QUEENS GO INTO ROCK/POP POSES AND IM LIKE YES.

HEARD ALL ABOUT THESE ROCKING CHICKS LOVED EVERY SONG AND EACH REMIX SO I WENT OUT AND FOUND THEM AND WE LAID DOWN AN ALBUM

NOW I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE ALL I NEED IS SIX AWWW..... THAT'S SO SWEET..

clap BITCH CLAP

WE'RE ONE OF A KIND, NO CATEGORY. TOO MANY YEARS LOST IN HISTORY! WE'RE FREE TO TAKE OUR CROWNING GLORY FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES

WE'RE SIX, WUHH OHH WOOHHH WE'RE SIX WUHH OHHH, WE'RE SIX, WUHH OHHHH WOHHHH, FOR FOUR MORE MINUTES.

Not the END OF THE SHOW PAIN..

THE CURTAIN HAS BEEN DROPPED THOUGH, LIKE MY JAW /J

WE'RE ONE OF A KIND, NO CATEGORY. TOO MANY YEARS LOST IN HISTORY! WE'RE FREE TO TAKE OUR CROWNING GLORY FOR THREE MORE MINUTES!! (GET YOUR HANDS UP!!)

CHORUS AGAIN AND THEN WE DANXE CUKCERS

SOME OF DANCES ARE DROM EX-WIVES BUF THEN TWISTS ARE ADDED TO THEM I FIND IT KINDA LIKE HOW THEY DIDNT LIKE EACH OTHER THAT MUCH BEFORE THE SHOW BUT THEN BY THE END, THEY KINDS FORGAVE EACH OTHER AND BECAME BETTER FRIENDS AND PEOPLE LIKE!!

WE'RE SIX FOR FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE MORE MINUTES!!

WE'RE SIX!!! CONFETTI WOOO

NEW YORK CITY!! DO YOU WANT ONE MORE SONG? MARIA HIT IT!

I WAS WOOING SO MUCH DURING MEGASIX

STAY ON YOUR FEET, NEW YORK!! I WANNA SEE EVERYBODY CLAP THEIR HANDS. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLT, GET READY TO DANCE!

LADIES IN WAITING!!

OH MY GOD I WAS SO READY AND HAPPY

YOU MUSTBTHINK THAT IM CRAZY YOU WANNA REPLACE ME

DONT WORRY DONT WORRY DONT LOSE YOUR HEAD, I SIDNT MEAN TO URT ANYONE!

you CAN TRY BUT IM UNBREAKABLE, YOU WANNA DO YOUR BEST BUT ILL STAND THE TEST

LET'S GOO!!

ALL ALONE ON THE THRONE IN palace that I HAPPENED TO OWN THE ONLY THING YOU WANNA DO TOO BAD I DKNT AGREE

ALL YOU WANNA DO ALL YOU WANNA DO IS SING ALLNG TO YOUR FAVORITE QUEEN'S SONG (WOOS EVEN MOEE)

I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE NO NO ITS TIME TO RISE AOVE WOAH WOAH

WE DONT NEED YOUR LOVE (CASYALLY TRIES TO SING BUT BECAUSE I WAS JUST YELLING I WAS PAINCULLY OUT OF TUNE ANDI KNOW THIS HECAUDE I TOTALLY DIDNT RECORD ANYTHING)

CAUSE WERE SO MUCH MORE THAN

diVORCED

BEHEADED

DIED

DIVORCED

BEHEADED

SURVIVED

WE'RE SIX!! (ONCE AGAIN I PAINFULLY FAIL AT BEING ON NOTE.)

PICTURE TIME ON STAGE

OH BOY THAT WAS AN AMAZING SHOW

GUESS WHAY HAPPENS NOW I GET MERCH OH MY GOD I WAS SO HAPPY IM WEARING IT NOW AS I TYPE THIS LAST LART

I WANTED TO DO A BIT OF STAGE DOOR BUT I WAS LIKE SO NERVOUS SO THE ONLY PERSON I DID ACTUALLY TALK TO/TAKE A PICTURE WITH WAS NICOLE AND I GOT HER TO SIGN MY PLAYBILL...

ALSO SAM AND ADRIANNA LEFT BEFORE I LEFT BUT I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING HECAUSE THEY WERE DOING OTHER STUFF SINWIWJWJ

BUT ANYWAYS I COLLECTED CONFETTI FRON FLOOR AND WE LEFT

AND THEN I RAMBLED ABOUT THE SIX WIVES OF HENRY THE VIII WHEN WE GOT HOME AUWHUWJDU

OVERALL!!

I had such a fun time at SIX and I'd love to go again when I have the time/money to go!! The show became one of my favorite things during quarantine and as I got back into it late last year, early this year, it was so fun to revisit old videos I used to watch and start watching new Queens (including the Broadway cast!!)

Thank you for reading my long writing about SIX because I love it so much, good night (day/evening)!

[fookinfandoms]

Life Eternal | Hector Castlevania

Set before Dracula requested Hector’s services. Reader is believed to be a witch, but in reality she just doesn't care for human company.

Pairing: Hector x Reader

Warnings: Language, small mention of smut, mentions of animal death/resurrection. 

Part One.

_________________________________________________________________

They call you a witch, and you never bothered to correct them.

It was preposterous, you were nothing of the sort. You never really understood why the townspeople hated outsiders so much. It had been months since you had settled in, yet you couldn't get as much as a smile from your own neighbour.

There was one woman however that would spare you a few words, that is if you paid her some coin in exchange for her cooked goods.

Was it because you didn't attend church? Perhaps it was because you choose to remain in the company of your dog over the local women's group that congregated every Thursday. The people weren't friendly at all, and you often wondered if you made the right decision in moving to such a tight-knit community. 

You weren't the only outsider however. It had been three weeks after you had moved in when you saw him. 

He wasn't like the others here. 

He kept his head down, his voice to himself. Even when the people would throw abuse at him, he kept his eyes to the dirt. It both saddened and confused you, wondering why such was happening. He didn't look like some brute, nor some boisterous drunk... so why did they all hate him?

Finding the courage to ask the baker, she informed you that he dabbled in dark magic, and was often found talking to wild animals. He lived on the big hill, and she continued to babble on about how he was rumoured to bring animals back to life. This surprised you, and you asked for more information but she held her hand out for more coin.

It didn't bother you as much as it should, for you spoke mainly to animals too. Your small companion - a beagle named Rhubarb. He was your best friend and the only family you had left. He wasn't everyone’s cup of tea that's for sure, often stealing fish from the baskets from local fisherman. 

This was life. 

It was Rhubarb and you against the world, that is until you came home from your weekly trip to the market, having bought new blankets for the two of you when you found Rhubarb lying on the side of the road. 

He stayed unmoving, even after calling his name twice. Rain poured down heavily, and you wondered why the silly dog hadn't run under a tree yet. You knelt down by his side, placing your basket by his head. 

He still didn't move, and your breath caught in your throat.

It took you some seconds to realise he wasn't breathing, and you screamed out in anguish at the sight. Your hands shook as you pulled his small, limp body into your arms, holding him in an embrace as you sob.

His fur was darkened in harsh line, and you knew someone had purposely run over him with a carriage. He knew better than to play on the road, but being an older dog, he wasn't as quick as he used to be. 

He was your life. 

Rhubarb still had years ahead of him, running past your feet and stealing fishes from baskets. Who would be so cruel to run over a dog? On purpose? 

The tears wouldn't stop falling. Was this your curse in life? Everyone you loved being taken away from you?

No. 

If there was a way to bring him back, you will have to try. 

You wrap Rhubarb in one of the new blankets, careful not move too quickly. There was only one destination on your mind, and you hoped the baker was right. The rain had soaked through your dress completely, clinging to you like a second skin.  

Your hair blew in the wind, tangling into a mess, and tiny sobs still escaped you as you cuddled your beloved friend in your arms. 

You weren't sure how long you had been walking for. Minutes? Hours? It felt like days by the way you shivered in the storm. In reality it had only been twenty minutes, but each step felt like an eternity. If this didn't work, you didn't know what you would do. 

The sky had long since turned dark, and you felt no fear as you walked. Finally, light could be seen ahead, and you silently prayed to whoever was listening that he was home. Lighting struck from behind you, and your breathing came out harshly as you trudged up the hill. 

You wouldn't be surprised if he couldn't hear your kicks against his front door over the sound of thunder. Your hands were full, and you were sure your toes would be bruised over how hard you kicked. 

The door didn't budge, and so you kicked again, over and over. 

The tears continued to fall, and desperation came out in small cries as your arms grew weak from the heavy weight. 

“Please,” You yell out. “I know you're in there! Please!”

The door finally opens, nearly causing you to lose balance. He stands in front of you, face full of anger at the intrusion. 

“What the bloody hell do you want?” He peers down at you in confusion, his eyes staring into yours. If it weren’t for the fact you were currently shivering and holding your deceased dog in hand, you would’ve said something about his unique appearance. “Well?”

“Y-you have to help me,” You held Rhubarb closer to you. “They s-said you could help!”

The man pays no attention to the bundle in your arms, instead choosing to shut the door. He doesn’t get the chance however, as your foot wedges itself before it could close.

“What are yo-“

“He didnt deserve this!” You cry, ignoring the pain shooting up your leg at the sharp movement. The rain pours even harder, and there’s not one part of you dry.

“He?” The man questions, and instead of replying, you peel back an edge of the blanket, revealing a limp paw.

His eyes narrow slightly, before he looks back to you. “What are you asking of me here?”

“I think you know exactly what I’m asking.”

“The last time I helped somebody,” He shakes his head. “It didn’t work in my favour. Leave.”

“I will pay you anything, I will slave away in the kitchens if I have too,” Begging was your last resort. “I will give you myself for Christ’s sake! Just please help him!”

He sighs, his head looking towards the ceiling as if in deep thought before letting the door open again. He steps aside, signalling for you to enter. You do so quickly, immediately feeling better at the warmth. It didn’t help that your clothes were completely drenched. Gods, you probably did look like a witch right now.

“Well?” The man says from behind you, and you turn your head. His arms are outstretched, asking for you to pass the animal over.

Your teeth clatter as you shiver yet again, but you gently pass Rhubarb over to the stranger. He takes him with as much care, and your hands immediately begin to rub at your upper arms for warmth.

He begins to walk away, further into the house and you follow suit. A cat runs past your feet as you pass through a hallway, and it’s then you notice half her face missing. It surprises you to find that you’re not scared, and the further you look around the more you begin to notice plenty more pets.

“Don’t pay them any mind, they won’t harm you.” The stranger mumbles ahead, and you whip your head in his direction.

“I’m not worried, they seem pleasant.” Your tone matches his, and he chuckles. He stops, turning his head around with a forced grin.

“Pleasant. They’re dead. They don’t like strangers, so don’t get too comfortab-“ As if on cue, another cat rubs their head against your leg, and the stranger frowns. “Well that’s new.”

“Most animals like me, even the dead ones I guess.” You shrug, bending down to pet the cats head. It’s stomach is exposed, and your heart aches knowing the animal must’ve suffered before meeting the magic man.

“And this one?” He nods towards the bundle in his arms, and your bottom lip quivers. He begins to walk again, and you wipe away a stray tear.

“T-that’s Rhubarb,” You stand, following once more. “I’ve had him since I was young.”

“So old age got him then.”

“No,” The man was taken back by the sudden change of your tone. “Someone in the town killed him on purpose, they don’t like me and they certainly didn’t like him.”

“Bastards.” His jaw clenched at the news.

“I guess it was easier to kill my boy than it was to kill me.” He nods in agreement.

“They’re scum, all of them.”

It was your turn to nod. Finally the two of you came to a room, a stone table laying in the centre. Various knives stood at the side, and your stomach dropped.

As if sending your unease, the man shakes his head. “I’m a forge master, there is no need to worry about those.”

It didn’t exactly help calm your nerves, but realising the man was actually a forge master and not some magician made more sense. Forge masters weren’t exactly liked in the world, much to your confusion.

“I’m Hector,” Hector places Rhubard down on the table, removing the blanket off of him. “And you are?”

“(Y/N),” You stood in the back as Hector moved around. His movements were graceful, and your chest tightened at the site of your beloved pet. “I moved here recently.”

He chuckes. “I thought as much, we don’t get many of your kind here.”

“My kind?” The air turned colder by the second, and you slowly made your way to the fireplace in an attempt to warm up, keeping your eyes on the forgemaster.

“Good-hearted.” His hands rest of Rhubarbs stomach, petting him as if he were alive.

“How do you know I’m good hearted? I don’t think even forgemasters can read souls.”

“You offered me your body in exchange for your dogs life,” He looks back at you with a genuine smile. “Not many people would do that. No sane person at least.”

“Most sane people have others in their life to keep them as such, I only have him.”

“Well let me just say that there will be no need for such payment, I can see you care deeply for him.” Hector reaches for a peculiar shaped coins. “But you may want to look away, it gets quite bright.”

You do as he says, choosing to look at the fire. The room grows dark as Hector works, and you close your eyes, silently hoping for success. Minutes go by, the sound of metal on metal ringing through your ears as you breathe out quickly.

The ringing continues for sometime, before the whole room goes quiet. The only sound heard is the cracking of the fire, that is until a familiar bark startles you.

Your eyes open, and you’re met immediately with a beagle at your feet, jumping onto his hind legs in an attempt to climb on you. You fall to your knees, your arms surrounding Rhubarb as he licks at your cheeks. His eyes are no longer a dark brown, instead a shimmering blue. You didn’t care, all that mattered now was that he was alive.

“Oh my darling boy,” You cried, letting the small dog climb into your lap. “My sweet, sweet boy.”

Hector wipes his hands with a clothe, before clearing his throat.

“You have to let me pay you somehow,” You sniff as Rhubarb continues whining for attention. “You have a gift Hector.”

“Others don’t think so.” He laughs, throwing the clothe onto the table.

“The others can go jump off a cliff for all I care,” The beagle in your lap jumps away, turning his attention to Hector for pats. “You saved him, that matters to me.”

“Yes well right now you’re getting my floorboards wet,” Hector kneels down to Rhubarbs level. “So if you’re wanting to pay me somehow, you can pay me but dressing into something more comfortable and staying.”

Your stomach drops at his words, and as if realising his own innuendo, he stumbles over his next words.

“N-no not like that! I just m-mean it’s too dangerous to return home right n-now,” Hector coughs, his cheeks turning a small tinge of pink. “You know with the storm in all, and it would’ve been a w-waste of both our efforts tonight.”

In just a span of a few minutes, Hector went from a cocky forgemaster to a blubbering mess. It made you giggle, and he releases a few small chuckles himself as he scratches the back of his neck.

“Alright, I’ll stay.”

[omoghouls]

more rain omo!!! like the tea story from a long while ago:)

Agdjh my brains running a blank but, I hope you mean this lil fic https://omoghouls-writes.tumblr.com/post/182689385704/hhhhhhh-i-really-liked-this-idea-aaa-also sorry if not aaaa-

But,👀 Rain omo is always on the mind here nonny♡♡ And since we have seen a rather new budding of confidence on stage, makes me wonder just how far that confidence goes- 

So, let's say they have all returned back to the church, integrated back into their clergy task as they had before they had left. And it's not hard to notice the extra bounce in the bassist's step as he attends to his chores. It's on one particular day he's out in the garden, helping one of the earth ghouls in watering the garden. As they're tending to the sunflowers, the watering can that they were using breaks. The earth ghoul mentions that there is an extra one in the shed, Rain nods and walks on over. 

Only to bump into a white robed ghoul as he's backing out of the shed. That's when he remembers, he was supposed to have a small get together with the elders! :^0  He apologizes, his mind still stuck in the timezone of their last place of ritual- the elder understands and pats his shoulder, saying that after he's finished with this task he's free to come down their their area.

Rain goes back to the garden, silently cursing himself for being such a scatter brain, especially towards the elders! Sure, theyve gotten close over the time but, nonetheless, they're still the eldest ghoul's, they deserved the respect of others keeping to their timely affairs.

He pours the water, watching as the water trickles out of the can, splattering against the soil. His tail curls against his leg, feeling the all too firmiliar sensation in his lower abdomen. The bassist brushes it off, fortunate that the extended time on tour, the few halls that didnt have functioning backstage washrooms had strengthened his bladder to a degree. 

After he is finished with the garden work, Rain mosses on down the stairwell, his back straitinging up, his chest growing lighter with the missing fear that usually resonated deep in his bones when he made his way down. 

As he presses his knuckle against the door, the sensation sends a warning pang, the bassist rolls his eyes as he knocks on the door. 

No more distractions. 

Aër is the one to open the door, opening the door fully as he and the others greeted him in. Rain smiles, walking over to the couch after greeting them all back. 

"So, tell us everything, lamb," the elder asked, walking towards the gaggle of ghouls, setting down the tea set on the coffee table.

Rain picked up the tea cup, letting the pleasant aroma waft under his mask, humming happily after taking the initial snip.

"It was, interesting, always plenty of fun when you have six ghouls and a Cardinal," Rain began, taking another sip. 

Certainly one thing he had missed while on tour was the way the elders made tea. Sure, Mountain's tea brews were amazing but, it missed that, home feeling. 

So, obviously that means that the water ghoul might have indulged himself during the time he was with them. The elder ghoul's eyed the bassist, a slight surprise to the new found confidence in their lamb's voice and body language. However, his body language also indicated a certain need.

Perhaps one of the elders brings it up, expecting his previous reaction of blushing and scurrying off to the washroom. But rather, Rain glanced to his cup and shook his head, saying he was fine, asking for the elder to continue on with the fillings in of what had happened while he was away.

The elders all raise their brows in speculation. But, shrug, perhaps their little lamb had gotten some strength.

Rain smiles a bit, downing the rest of his cup, placing it back on the table, pausing hesitantly when the elder takes that as him wanting more. The bassist thanks him softly and nurses the cup in his claws, taking progressively slower and smaller sips as he listens.

Unfortunately, as much as he liked to pretend, eventually the silent warnings grew to be quite well known. Rain shifts occasionally, his empty hand clawing at his upper thigh to keep it from jiggling. He wants to hold it, not wanting to interrupt Fer as he talks about what some of the pranks Sister's and Brother's had pulled and of course, the surmons he had missed.

Rain chews on the inner of his lip, trying to nod along to the voices. But, a ghoul can only hold so much- the bassist sets his cup down on the table, about to excuse himself but, his actions are paused when he hears the trickling of tea hitting the procilen.

"My, you really do enjoy my mint tea, yes, Rain-" the ghouls voice abruptly pauses when he hears a whine only one particular water ghoul made.

The others look up in surprise as they watch the slacks of the bassist beginning to glisten in the light, urine spilling down his trembling legs and puddling beneath his feet. Rain feels his face burning, his throat tightening, knowing they're all looking at him and his mess.

"Rain?" Aër cautiously says.

The bassist simply whines, slowly growing in a sob.

The elders leap up, going over to Rain.

"Oh my, little lamb, too much for you?" The earth ghoul softly coos, running his claws up and down the back of the crying ghoul.

"I-I, thought, thought I could hold it," Rain hiccups out, lifting his mask to scrub away the tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Oh, Lamb, we know you have gained a new confidence, one that perhaps made you feel rather high and mighty in comparison to your previous however, your vessel is still the same as it was before, and," Aër said, slowly lifting the younger ghoul's mask completely off, "so, accidents are bound to still happen," he added, wiping the tears away with the pad of his thumb.

The others agreed, the eldest running his hands through the curly locks, "And, we are not mad, we know you tried you best to hold it," he mused.

Rain sniffled, looking up with his glassy baby blues, "R-really?"

The earth ghoul nodded, "Absolutely, accidents are just that, accidents and we would never punish you or anyone over this." 

And then the elders help him clean up, running him a bath, letting him rest on their lap as they tell softer stories for the evening ♡♡♡

[fromnibelheim]

[[MORE]]

Just had some Big Dreams gonna write it down

It started out with a boyfriend trying to convince me to talk to my ex so we could be on good terms. My ex and I had left on bad terms and there was a lot of bad blood and my new boyfriend felt bad and thought we should talk it out so we could at least not have that animosity and maybe even be friends. The way he put it was really sweet and he was so handsome and well dressed, with chocolate brown loosely curly hair and wearing a nice wool coat, good for dream me. We walked into a sporting goods store, where my ex worked I guess, and went to the elevator to the second floor. My bf was holding my hand and being really sweet and supportive bc i was nervous. We got into the elevator and it was surprisingly huge. Like the size of a room. And i noticed there was a woman at a desk in there who looked rather secretary like and I started to wonder what I was getting myself into.

When we got out of the elevator we were in this VERY fancy mid-century style office building where everything was honey-color stained hardwood and emerald green and gold and looked like it was straight out of the 1920s. I got WAY more nervous bc it was so fancy and everyone was wearing suits and I felt so out of place but my bf went right up to the counter and got a number for us to get called up to state out business or smth I guess. I was like wtf are you doing we cant do this! But he had already gotten the ticket so we sat down in some plush green velvet seats and waited. I realized I had no idea what my ex did but it was way more important than I'd thought. The man at the counter called our number and asked what our business was and I just got so nervous and didnt even know what position my ex had that I would answer him with, so I just said we were still waiting for someone. I think my mom showed up at one point. Eventually I was able to talk to the ex and he was some big hotshot but also a complete ass who acted like he didnt even remember us dating, even when I brought up specific events that happened. He had short blonde hair and just looked like a prick lmao. So we all left knowing it was resolved, maybe not in the best way but still resolved. On our way out we stopped to have tea in a cafe in the fancy office part of the building, and my mom told me that dreams were memories from all the other lives you're living right now. Not past lives, but memories of the universal. I remember she specifically said memories of the universal. Then the dream shifted.

I was in this new place I didnt recognize, lying in the floor covered in heavy ornately decorated blankets in a tiny japanese style room with a big monk sitting across from me chanting and praying to me. And I started shaking and crying bc I didnt know what was going on or why this guy would be praying TO me, and people were talking about remembering their other lives and who they really are and that I was lost and confused bc I didnt remember yet, and I figured that maybe if I could remember all the other lives I'd had and was living then my situation would make more sense, or at least id be more at peace with it.

I was given a letter that didnt really mean much to me bc I couldnt decipher it as it was mostly a series of small images. A group of young people around our age came in, attracted by the letter and all saying how surprised they were to see it and that it was safe and survived, as if it had been through some huge ordeal just to get here. They came right over to me to look at it as I'd laid it out right in front of me, and I pulled one of the blankets I had wrapped around me over the side of my face bc I didnt want them to see me upset. One of them came over and sat down by me. He had beautiful pale hands and I reached out and grabbed his hand and he hugged me tight. I didnt remember who he was but I knew he was important to me and that I had loved him before and I just felt like as long as he was there everything would be alright. After a while though that group left and I was alone in my tiny room, locked in. I remembered a spell someone had told me for finding things and I used it to summon the key to free myself and flew out the window. I jumped out and just started flying. I wasnt sure if I could but I put as much force into it as I could and was able to clumsily fly just above everyone in the little town I was in. The big monk and a couple other people chased after me but I quickly outran them. Then I just focused on flying. I think I was some type of angel or something since i actually had wings, and could feel the air gliding over them as i flew. It felt really nice and refreshing. Then there was another shift.

I ended up in this enormous indoor city, like a mega mall but it never seemed to end. It seemed to go up infinitely high too, and there like three were ornate cathedrals like St Patrick's Cathedral within a couple blocks of each other. I flew around the cathedrals and looked in and listened to the people talking, and inside they were more like luxury restaurants than churches, but anyway. I heard an old woman saying that they had reached their capacity as a race and no one grew old anymore. Because of this they stopped having children and no longer had the desire to give birth, which made sense to me but was surprising. I flew away from the cathedrals into a much more densely populated part of the indoor city which still had the structure of a mall just on a much more massive scale and was more technology advanced. It looked like they were having some kind of parade. I was trying to find someone, probably the people from before, but it was too loud and crowded.

I moved on and came across this group that was having a standoff. They looked like they were in a cyberpunk style gang or something and one of them pulled out a lasergun and was threatening innocent bystanders. I watched them from under the suspended walkway they were on and went from under to try to use magic to freeze them in place, but it wasnt strong enough. They caught onto me and started to chase me.

The rest of the dream was me running from them, dodging laser fire and trying to fly fast enough to put some distance between us. I ducked into shops, chased one of them into a shop at one point, even jumped onto the top of a giant fast moving train to get away, etc.

I tried to fool them at one point and it almost worked, but they came back and caught on. At that point I was wounded and didnt have much energy left to fight but for some reason they didnt kill me. I think we may have had one last battle or they retreated but either way I came out of it alive and finally was free of them and made it back to the group of friends I had been trying to find that entire time. Although at that point I was so hurt I couldnt even stand, let alone fly, so they all helped me along and carried me.

Not much worth noting happened in the dream after that. I got a bit better, we ended up in a really cute shop that had a secret base where you go down this ladder into the next floor down that had a really cute cozy circle bed with plushies on it and string lights that would have been a perfect place for taking insta pics, and then I wandered into a shop that was all dark stained hardwood and cases and cases of antique china and crystal glassware. I went back into the first shop and then woke up.

[lord-king-saint]

WEAK BOUNDARIES pt1

theres always that one person that loves you so much that you'll never doubt yourself-- or your "lovability"-- ever again. my person came late, and it didnt last, but it changed me forever.

snap wasnt the most beautiful man in the world-- but he was cute. a mutual friend introduced us at brunch, and i thought he was funny, and decent, but i figured i would never see him again. socializing in the city was so transitory.

but i did see him again, that same day. i left brunch, ran some errands, and was craving something cheap and greasy, so i went to panda express. while devouring the thin and crispy chow mein noodles, i saw a cute lil bubble butt in line. i was staring, but maintaining my queer hyperviligance-- until i realized it was him. it was snap, wearing a tight jogging outfit, and it amused me. why go for a jog if youre just going to eat bad chinese afterwards? i was intrigued.

when he recognized me, he danced over and sat at my booth. he didnt look sweaty-- but who was i to judge? i mean, he was in better shape than i was, so he had more social capital in gay world; and he had soft skin, a professional beard, and liquid green eyes. the more i looked, the more i found things to like.

he was a therapist who worked at a middle school, and we made small talk about our mutual friends. he said i had a good effect on everyone in the group. my mere presence cooled the egos of the gays who tended to be more self-involved, he noticed. it was definitely shade, but i was humble and simply said thank you-- and i remained humble when he asked for my number. he was hard to read, but i was open to his friendship. he was funny, and decent.

later, i discovered he had a partner, who happened to be very handsome. a group of us went on the rooftop together to drink wine, and snap's partner had just returned from spain filled with stories, and we got along well. i noticed that as a couple, they werent intimidated by how i could cool and dazzle a crowd. they were both drawn to it.

it was always fun to run into them. one night, a group of us went dancing and we enjoyed being sloppy drunk messes together. snap cannot dance to save his life. he made awkward hip gyrations, leaned on one leg, and would thrust his arms out in long offbeat displays of emotionality. he was terrible, and dangerous to dance with, because you could easily lose an eye.

even when sober, he danced like a staggering drunk with no rthythm-- but i loved that about him. i loved seeing him express himself, because he truly looked free, and i admired that. it was his own interpretative dance, and eventually the three of us were slowly grinding together, to the gay classics. when they drove me home, i sensed "something" there, but i thought better of it and went home alone. i wasnt prepared to be that messy.

but then, the happy couple came to my spa, and invited me into their hot tub, while i was on the clock. they were both naked. i thanked them, but declined. id never had a threesome, and i was just beginning my queer sexual odyessy. i didnt want to experiment and get my sea legs with my friends. i felt there was too much to risk.

months went by, and eventually the happy couple broke up, just before christmas. they were together for a year. by now, our gay tribe was meeting once a week, and during our Monday Night Dinner, snap spilled the beans. he was distraught, because he had never been broken up with. not only was it devastating, but it was new, so we asked how we could support him. "just text and visit me more," he said. my heart bled for him.

so, i texted him, and visited him more. i even gave him a massage, and invited him out with us to dance or watch standup. i realized i didnt know that much about him, really. he was a secretive scorpio, despite his decent casual nature, and i enjoyed making him laugh, and letting him pour his stories into me. i was an unhealthy empath at the time, and it made me feel good to be a receptacle for his feelings, while also showing him a good time. i thought i was healing him! and so, snap grew very attached to me.

he invited me over to his apartment to see his shelves of comicbooks. we would play music and hold each other while he poured his soul into me, telling me about how he scared his partner away with his jealousy, and his insecurity. i should have seen the red flags early, but i was a trauma victim. i was traumatized from childhood to avoid prolonged human touch-- but snap made me feel so safe in his arms! it surprised me, and it was healing me. i felt like he could hold me all night, and i wouldnt try to escape. it clouded my judgment.

there were so many nights with snap: cuddling with him, spooning him, making him laugh, burying his face in my neck, wrapping our legs and touching feet, breathing, going to new thought churches, planning our new years eve, laying out ideas for a podcast, doing yoga, talking to Alexa, walking to the comicbook store holding hands, crying, talking about libido, making salty mario kart jokes, listening to his top 100 new year playlist, and just laying in bed, him playing with my necklace.

we made plans to drive to san mateo for new years, but while we were rolling around the bed, and i threatened to tickle him, he cried out in fear. it felt like i was struck with a cold lightning bolt! i jumped off of him! i was so sorry! but he said he was fine. he said he was only triggered, and he confessed that i had a lot of power over him. it was the night before new years eve, but i didnt sleep.

the next morning, we were organizing the trip, but he was dark and faraway. i wanted to talk about the night before, and the cry that haunted my thoughts, but he went completely silent. suddenly, i realized what i was doing. i was over-involving myself in snap's dramas, and abandoning my own boundaries. when snap finally spoke, he said that i was in a precarious situation, because snap was still sensitive because of his ex, and he didnt want to take it out on me.

why was i abandoning my friends on new years to be with someone i just met? why was i playing caretaker for snap when he needed to be alone, to process his breakup? i was out of order, so i tried to bail. perhaps i should be with my friends instead. "this is your pattern!" he shouted angrily. "why are you doing this?"

i dug deep.

"im afraid that youre just saying youre fine, but secretly youre still mad at me!" i confessed, starting to cry. "i feel like im being punished for making a mistake!"

next thing i knew, i was sobbing in his arms, and he was stroking my head, soothing me, while my diaphragm pushed hoarse cries into his chest. this wasnt normal or proportionate, and we never resolved the actual issue. instead, we were trauma bonding, and when i finished sobbing, i was filled with so many chemicals, and i was so relieved from expressing my childhood trauma, that i changed my mind and went to san mateo with him.

it was his coworkers new years party, and we ate sliders on hawaiian buns, drank wine, danced the cumbia, and bought a hotel to sleep together. we changed into pajamas, spooned, and in the dark, with my arms around him, snap said, "where have you been all my life?"

when we returned home, i didnt leave. i helped change his bedding, i coached him through his exercises, and he lipsync'd to his favorite songs while i gushed. snap was becoming important to me. whatever he believed, especially about me, affected me greatly. i wanted to be his favorite person in the whole world.

he asked to take me to capitola for another vacation, but my friends warned me that we should spend some time apart, and i sensed they were right, so i did. snap was disappointed, but he went with his friends without me-- until he called me from capitola, and said he was coming back early, to see me. his girlfriends said he talked about me the whole trip, and he offered to drive back, even pick me up some food, and take me to a party.

"i cant believe i miss you this much after just two days!" he laughed. i hugged him tightly. i was happy he missed me. i never wanted to be apart from him, and he felt the same way! he even offered to throw my 30th bday party!

meanwhile, he was showering me with gifts. "look in the bag," he said one night. he had purchased me $60 worth of allergy supplements, the ones i had always wanted! i jumped on top of him and kissed him all over his face.

"youve shown up for me in such a powerful way, and it means more than words can say," he said, holding me. "youre my favorite person."

it was like crack.

we were fully enmeshed.

snap wasnt healing from his past relationship, and i was letting him use me as a distraction. i wanted his energy! i wanted his attention! i didnt care! it was a fully functioning codependent relationship-- and soon, i would have to fight my way out of it.

[imhereforthetryus]

Love is Hate and there no other way

(Anti Harringroves pls do not intereact with thid fanfiction your welcome to talk about anything else but this fic yes dont worry about the title i just do dEeP 💩 )

Tags: @thelonious-jagger-smitten @i-am-church-the-cat it glitching and so u might have to use the link

Tw: for abuse and panic attacks i apologize deeply i dont know how to do the read more thing im so sorry

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19911385

I be like we self projecting 👋🤦🏼‍♀️😂 noises

(Why get therapy when u can get bad coping methods 😎)

Words:7,932

Billy's eyes were blue kind of like his mother's blue but not really sure he had the paleness blue of his mothers but her eyes were just different he took a lot after his mother, the same not same eyes and bright blonde curls that seemed to grow a foot a month.

He figured that why Neil hated him so much Neil and his mom relationship was weird, in a way not just the whole abuse thing but that Billy could never really tell who was the victim and who was the aggressor.

Sure sometimes it was obvious when Neil was towering over his mother as she stood on the floor tired and hurt but then there were times when both were yelling at each other and trading insults, or his mom eyes pale and blue filled with rage would hit a plate against Neil, clawing at him and screaming truth be told at first it was amusing but he found himself laughing less and more just watching the scene unfold.

“My little Isla...Don’t cry everything is fine...let me tell you an old story of mine...about the necklace” then she would start weaving tales endlessly he would laugh and she would smile she was always a great storyteller she always wanted to be an actor it was kind of ironic how she was acting all the time … acting like everything fine “Is my bunny happy” he would not and hug her and everything would be fine but it wasn’t and maybe it would never be.

Like how if he had just been able to keep his mouth shut about the new boy at school. Who played with Billy the only child to not shun him, and who drew him a picture and how cute he looked and how he was going to marry him one day his dad anger wouldn’t have increased tenfold forever. His mom wouldn’t have left angry at Neil unacceptable of him but then if he hadn’t he wouldn’t have had his mother there to kiss his bruise stinging from Neil fist and the tears from the word faggot he didnt know what it meant but he knew it wasnt good, but she was there she was awalys there to tell him there was “nothing wrong with loving a boy that love is just loving and wherever and whoever you find it with loves you back and that the only thing that matters Isla”

He missed being a child but was he ever a child he was grown up before he knew it. He forced himself to stop thinking about everything focus on something else,...your eyes he had just noticed that his eyes well they were always blue but their not really blue if that made sense they sort of changed blues but to his drunk mind taking dangerous trips fueled by chugged countless cheap beers at Tommy H. Party it didn’t matter.

If he was drunk or sober one thing that stayed the same was he fucking hated this day...hated how his mother had left him and how she loved him she awalys used to say how much she loved him while hugging him gently like it would make Neils slaps , his red cheeks and tears disappear, as if her overwhelming love bundled with hugs and kisses would make up for it, but all it did was make Billy confused if she could love him so easily why couldnt his dad and then she came back.

Like as if she couldn't bother leaving him alone without the emotional damage of coming back she had only done it a few days at a time after years of hiding away with the words or letters getting fewer but then she had ghosted him a year later but he still remembered that day.

He remembered being thirteen his favourite toy bunny the one his mother had when she was a child and the one he spelt with to protect him from the monsters under the bed when she couldn’t sleep with him that beautiful bunny disposed and ripped to shreds it white fur blood-splattered and it head gone all because “he was too old for them” sitting on the floor of his bedroom just praying every night for his mom to come back and take him with her, and trying to lock himself in and saying his prayer faster as if to make her appear right there and then...and she did eventually on the eve of his fourteenth birthday there she was in the flesh, sneaking through the tiny window and grabbing Billy.

She shushed his protest and laughed at him but she was happy so he was happy and very confused But isn't that the life of a child, to be one without power or choice, always going with the change in the wind and praying for a safe harbor? .Wasn't that always his life going with the wind and following the “adults” he was sure they never grew up his mom was still a believer in hope even in despair while that was surely a good thing for her. it wasn't for Billy nothing was ever good for him. He was a ping pong to his parents, a useless fix it child.

They demanded him to pick a side many times even when there was no fight to be won it was a never-ending war to win his love they bad-mouthed each other constantly but he just stood there trying not to intervene in their war of hate, but he had too sometimes when he didn't want to or else he would be the target they desired to know who he loved more, but in truth there is no such distinction. They asked and should the “right” answer not arrive there is anger, swift and brutal in the form of his mom shunning him and his dad hitting him.

So even when his mom came it wasn't for him but just to win another point to piss off Neil, but he was used to the bribes. it wasn't too bad though he could get used to the perks he decided he would make the best of it as his mom carried him on her slim shoulders, he would admire the stars from above to him she stood like a giant.

Or maybe that the way he envisioned her he couldn't help exaggerate her tiny height even when he was boarding on it. he held on close afraid she disappear again just to let him calm his nerves she let him touch her hair curly, long and blonde a shining clone of his and play with her necklace. She had told him the story about how her grandmother had made the necklace from the last of their metal as a birthday gift many times usually with Neil letting a murmur of disapproval fall from his lips but this time it felt different maybe even magical. As they were walking along the boardwalk his socks light against the board, as his mom flowered him with Ice-cream galore. It was his favorite Strawberry and five scoops high he smiled happily letting the dark light shine across his face and the pools of ice cream melt onto his clothes.

They had come across an abandoned climbing place, an adventure playground of sorts, it was dark and quiet but his mom said it was okay and encouraged him to climb the fence.

She had done it too her heels landing against the sand she had laughed so he did, running up against the wooden structure which reeked of paint but she was giddy like a child taking him everywhere. At some point they ran onto the cold wet damp grass in the rain barefoot, her colorful dresses always finding a way to light up in the darkest nights, the light green still stood out even amongst the grass and as they laid there. His mom rubbing his hair and pointing at all the stars and telling him about it like a well of infinite knowledge.

“You see William that star right there” he had nodded hesitantly she rarely called him William, only when she wanted his attention, she usually called him Isla or Bunny and while he protested those pet names as long as he had been living she had just laughed and just pulled him closer he never thought he miss those names so fucking much. before you get the wrong idea she wasn’t dead but it was like that she was a ghost now refusing to acknowledge Billy but this time there were no secret trips to wherever, maybe Billy just outgrew them or his mom outgrew him he wasn't sure which possibility was worse.

As his bruised muscles cracking with pain,up against his hard mattress nothing like a beating and shitty necessities not like Neil gave a damn to his comfort after all, he give him a semi comfortable bed because “cost” but Billy knew that was bullshit.

Neil would do anything to see Billy suffer it was practically his favourite hobby when he wasn’t gutting the insides of fish but it was practically the same Neil would rail in the fish with bait or in Billy cases kind words and flashy gifts. Then he would wait a bit till the fish took the bait like Billy would let his guard down a tiny bit.Then go in for the kill using his fishing pole and fist to kill the fish slowly and painfully like he would to Billy and he knew for a fact that not only were these mattress so stiff and hard. They cost way more for whatever reason rich people like hard mattresses. but it could be worse his dad could have not given him a room at all yeah it could be worse it was something Billy always thought about him finally getting away from Neil not by his own choice but by cps he tried it before but Neil was so charming and Billy wasn’t ten and a half anymore, his mom wasn't there to challenge Neil and to protect him.

He couldn't risk a visit now so it would never happen not by any fault of his own at least he knew Neil could predict most of his movements.

He heard the horror stories he wasn’t going to subject himself to any more shit and while his dad was shit he was still legally required to provide for him otherwise how else would he use that line in his next argument, to justify his parenting methods and to complain about how hard it was raising a useless piece of shit like Billy and to think of it his father sure loved to complain about useless shit.

But he couldn’t complain he never could without a slap against his cheeks or his dad's famous speech scientifically designed to make anyone who hears it feel like shit which Billy already was, but hey the speech is such a great deal for shitty dads everywhere who wouldn’t love to mentally toture their child when their fist became too bruised to hit them.

And in all honesty Billy loathed that speech more than he loathed himself, more than he loathed his dads fist, more than he loathed girls how he hated to fuck them and go out with them and even more than he loathed Harrington.

Stupidly perfect Harrington who made Billy heart skip and leap, who made Billy blush at an insult who made Billy nervous and not just out of fear, he made Billy scared way too scared.

He could not be with Harrington even if he wasn't straight which he couldn't be because almost all the gays in California used Farrah Fawcett Hairspray it how they found each other.

Not like Billy ever went as far like that even then he was too much of a coward, his pale blue eyes glanced at the alarm finally calm for once because this was his favourite part of the day, when he could just lay in bed and glanced up at the ugly peach ceiling letting his thoughts flowed like a river stream quiet yet loud.

He pulled the wool cover closer shivering in his empty room another form of sadstic toture if Neil wasn’t beating the shit out of him he was fucking up Billys air and heat supply. He never knew when he would be hot or cold plus it was just another way for Neil to keep him on his fucking toes.

Like he didnt do that every single fucking day, with Neil mood deciding if Billy could only get away with a slap and a walk outside in the snow and how he hated the cold, he wasnt used to it . Ofcourse, he was a California Baby he could stand hot weather but not cold especially when he only had one blanket to protect himself. Because everything belonged to Neil if he pissed Neil off too much his belongings would be gone because they were never his , Neil spiteful face popped up and he imagined another cruel smile as he “grounded” Billy.

“You need to learn a lesson about Respect and Responsibility” he saw his dad, felt him “punishing” Billy, he felt his tears and struggled to get out of this hellish nightmare, his breath heavy, breathe breathe don't be such a pussy his panic attack was stopped by a knock on his door he opened the door angrily.

“What the fuck do you want M-..” his father stared at him stone cold and hard like he awalys was calculating watching Billy squirm.

“Is this how you talk to your sister” he grabbed Billy chin and squeezed it tight.

“No sir” Billy tried to make himself shorter, trying to disappear into the wall but it never worked, no matter how he wished it did but his father was in a good mood suprisngly so he let Billy off with a slap and a spilt lip, and Billy could thank him right then and there for not beating the shit out of him for being so rude and disrespectful, but the stare of disappointment and the glare was more painful than the backhand.

Billy forced himself to go downstairs dreading every step to eat with his “family” as far as Billy was conserend his mom was his only family but all his stubbornness did was put Neil in a bad mood.

“You’re Mother is gone Billy suck it up” he would say chewing his steak and despite Billy hating eating breakfast with Susan and Neil , being under his dad microscope was irritating and annoying but he knew if he didn't eat all his food, thank Susan, and be quiet and not exist then there wouldn’t be any food to digest, because Neil had done it before It was either eat everything Susan made no matter how much it taste like horseshit or not eat at all or even worse eat the way Neil wanted him too and while Billy personally thought both options were cruel and unusual toture and neither qualified as the best option but he still needed food to survive so he ate it all.

Every last spoonful in fear for Neil trailing eyes on him, his back arching aganist the chair, eating softly and trying not to throw up watching Max shoveling burned eggs and bacon into her mouth, his mom food was way better.

He glared at Susan subtly as he thanked her how he wanted to go off on her but he wasn't in the mood to skip school today and be bruised. so instead he took his anger out on Max he yelled at her to get up, which resulted in her eating her scrambled eggs slower then finally getting up and taking forever to get ready, grabbed Max by the elbow when she wasn't moving fast enough. he hated running into Neil in the morning who was less of a morning person than Billy and he grabbed her hard enough to bruise but not enough to get shit from Neil.

He ignored her screaming at him to the point where she was being a cocky little shit, and had the nerve to put her disgusting mud covered red shoes on his dashboard, with a little grin that stupid brat and when he told her to knock it off she flipped him off. so he drove like a manic letting his hands off the steering and speeding up just to see the fear in her eyes and dropped her off to the stares of the middle schoolers.

He drove back even faster it was the only way plus he couldn't miss getting ready for his favorite class of the day aka Bothering Steve for 40 minutes, he stood against his Camero letting cigarette smoke fill the air, then he went inside shoving a couple of kids who dared to look at Billy in anyway no one was that stupid to do it on purpose but still he had to install fear or he would be scared.

He wasn't always mean he used to be kind but kindness never got him anything but a broken heart and fag screamed at his face by older boys, a shove to the ground and the laughter of his classmates it never gave him anything but humiliation.

So He hid behind a charming carefree smile and reinvented himself, learning to keep his feelings inside to stop thinking about boys that way. The hurt lodged in that sweet heart like a slow acting poison and before long he became a “problem child,” destined for a life behind bars. He hated his “parents,” hated the system, hated the government and the whole damn world he had to or he would hate himself.

The hate It burst forth in his speech, his actions, his attitude. He got close to people just to hurt them, power at last. Nothing pleased him more than to walk away from a new lover ripping their valentines while they whimpered and ran, To shove a kid down and make him cry to spit the word fag in the kids fave.. To Billy people were “bad, dangerous, and they deserved what they got." Because he deserved what he had gotten.

Steve loathed first period, not only because it's English Class but Billy who made it his personal goal to harass Steve anytime he could which meant every class they shared together. Because Billy obviously didn't think his crude and sexual teasing,his fists and trips down the hallway was enough time to toture Harrington and fortunately for Steve.

There were only four classes but that meant Billy had to make an impression so Steve sighed as Billy came in late what a surprise , came up to him, knocking his books down against the floor, Mrs.Ava looked like she was going to say something but the look Billy gave her shut her up Steve reisted a snort great everyone was intimidated by Billy.

As the minutes of the lesson passed, the ceaseless buzzing of the classroom grew quieter watching them it was no secret that Billy and Steve weren’t pals but a look of shock always seemed to come on their face watching their interactions a quiet glance from Billy made the chatter started up again and they pretended to be talking about something else and looked away.

“Hey Prettyboy” Billy licked his lips at him, slamming into the seat next to Steve, Billy smiled at him.

Steve rolled his eyes trailing the pencil in between his fingers, he was way too tired to deal with Billy “Don't you have someone else to bother” .

Billy pouted giving him a small smirk he even makes puppy eyes look evil Steve sighed.

“But you’re my favourite Stevie” Steve kicked Billy from under the table.

“Fuck off” Billy just laughed and reisted the urge to whimper why was he being so weak it was just a little cut there Billy felt himself ponder looking at Steve who was trying very hard not to look at Billy and to focus on the lesson which Billy should be doing to, but Steve and his perfect lips and how much Billy wanted to kiss them, his soft hair i wonder what it would feel like oh how he wanted to kiss Steve, shove him against a wall, fuck him and punch him all at the same time why do you have to be so damn amazing Harrington.

“Ouch you really hurt my feelings Harrington..I think i just shed a tear” Billy smiled oh how he loved first period plus steve was so cute when he was annoyed FAG his mind screamed he reisted the urge to punch himself, Steve gave Billy a small smirk.

“Bullshit you dont have feelings” Billy chuckled slowly unbutoing his top not like it was open anyways but cmon if he didnt give the cows here a show people might think he a fag which he is , he winked to Steve.

“You’re right about that Pretty Boy” Steve glared and turned towards the window suddenly interested in the blue sky and clouds that dotted the sky. The bell rang finally freedom Steve thought he was one comment away from shoving his pencil up Billy ass.

why does he have to be such an asshole even worse a cute one and yeah it was pretty cliche of him to have a crush on his bully. but like can you blame him Billy was hot and straight his mind screamed at him it was too risky plus he didnt think he could handle Billy disgust more than his fists but Billy was so hot and an asshole but hes a hot one.

Steve groaned in frustration stupid horny brain but this felt weird and different he didnt like boys right i mean, and if he was gay which he wasn’t wasnt he liked nancy for a long time goodness sake then couldn’t he atleast have a crush on a boy who isnt an asshole, but what was he, after all if you weren’t straight then you were gay but he liked both he couldn’t possibly be gay and straight at the same time, there had to be a word and Steve had to investigate it for his sake so on he went after Mrs. Ava class to the library.

-

Steve ducked from Nancy and Jonathan he felt bad about missing lunch but if they even knew where he was going they would ask questions he wasn't ready to answer yet when he saw them leave he sprinted towards his car driving to the town library which was well not im Hawkins but the next town over he couldn’t bare to see anyone he knew. He opened the doors to the library entering he was hit with a cloud of dust, and started to look around.

Row after row of neatly lined up books with their spines facing outward, colour coded with dots, fiction section arranged in alphabetical order, young adults section, comfortable chairs, tables for quiet study, muffled stillness.

He took a breath walking up to the resident sub librarian Mrs. Mervil the hawk who stood about 5’4 her lip always tight and pressed as if she was simply always waiting for disappointment as if she never bothered to smile, her eyebrows and eyes were thin and like her whole self her clothes reflected that always dread and uncolorful, so professional and tight. It made Steve parents outfits look casual and who despite Steve best try hated him for whatever reason, maybe it was the blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes those combinations always seemed to despise Steve or just everyone but mostly Steve.

He gave her a false smile “Hi Mrs.Mervil” she turned towards him. her eyes cold and bored she took off her silver rimmed glasses for a young woman she sure acted old she put down whatever book she was reading he examined it, she slammed it before he could see the title but it was a space book for sure.

“What is it Steven” he sighed and gave her a smile he hoped his face wasn't giving away anything.

“Mr.Harrington if you’re just going to stand there and go dont waste my time” he bit his lip and shoved his hands deeper in his cardigan. He couldn’t do this she already hated him she could tell everyone, or even worse whatever worse was. But he needed to know this more than he needed to breathe, he could wait but he wasn't willing to wait.

“I need to find a book...to tell me about my sexuality” at that her face and demeanor softened a bit like she was remancissing she gave him a small smile and lead him towards the shelf her heels dragging along the whole way.

“Alright come along Steven I don't have all day” he sighed in relief and walked up with her, he tried to make conversation as she rustled through the books.

[kim-isnt-seaweed]

I want to sleeep but i cant cause if i lay down i feel like im gonna choke and apparently if i am not completely laying down i cant sleep either.

So lets use this time, of pain and feeling like im in some episode of naked and afraid in a desseret despite downing water every 5 seconds, lets talk about sleep paralysis.

If you dont know what it is, its when -correct me if im wrong- your body is asleep but not the rest of you, so like its freaky.

In Colombia, we say it's because a witch is laying on you, by that i mean it in a litteral sense, we(not everyone obviously) still very much believe in them gals and we are terrified of them, thus if you experience sleep paralysis sometimes people will immediately assume it was a spooky lady trynna fuck you up (i am very scared of them and even saying the word please dont judge me). although they usually always say they only haunt men, and you only hear these stories from men, so either women are less prone to this or both explanations are true idk, but imagine a poor sucker that suffers from both.

Anyway, i grew up believing that until a few years back where i learned about sleep paralysis (i still believe in the other reason too, my family is too got damn superstitious for me not to) but again i just didnt think that was something that could happen to me, idk. However to date i have expereiend it two times for sure and other two times i am not quite sure what the fuck that was, but lets start from the beginning:

1. The first time was probably two years ago, T (my boyfriend at the time) my FIL and I had gone to my FIL's home town 4 hours away, we were coming back to Seoul and since I had the whole back seat to myself I just spread out and fell asleep. Next thing I remember was waking up, facing the seats (my back towards the front seats) and not being able to move, I remember trying to talk and move around, I could hear them clearly but I won't able to make my body move, I tried screaming but nothing, I then kept thinking to myself "please one of you shake me up!" But then I suddenly opened (?) My eyes and I was like "that sucked"

2. Maybe last year? I was in bed when I suddenly "woke up" I felt like I was choking soi was struggling, again hoping T would shake me, I remember just seeing the dark ceiling (thank god) then I kinda realized I must be having sleep paralysis again so I relaxed and fell back to sleep.

Now for the other two that were kinda like sleep paralysis but I am not sure. If you are wondering "how does she remember her dreams? She must be lying" believe what you will but I have so many crazy ass dreams I just tend to remember many or at least an important part of it.

3. I was having a dream, it was a normal dream nothing really crazy but I remember in one part I was in a room and this guy came in and I felt that something cringy was about to happen so I was told myself to wake up (a skill I learned to do when I was little and having nightmares) only when i "woke up" I wasn't able to move, I was facing my blanket but i couldn't move or speak so i -I swear on my life this is actually what I thought- "fuck I didn't wake up all the way, go back to sleep then" I went back to sleep, the dream rewinded itself or something and then I woke up and I had to wake T up too because that was weird. So either it was sleep paralysis or just a very interactive dream idk.

4. It was last week, again I was asleep and I was having a dream, but as a really lucid lifelike dream, there was nothing dream like about it. The first thing I remember from the dream was me being out of bed, I remember seeing T and our cat sound asleep curled up in bed when I left the room so I realized it was right probably right before sunrise because of the bluish lighting in our house, everything seemed because I do tend to get up at all hours of the night to use the bathroom, but then as soon as I stepped out of our rooms doorway about to move forward I fainted or at least I think I fainted, it all went dark and then when I woke up it was the same setting, our normal house at dawn just as if you had passed out in real life, but then I noticed I couldn't move. My eyes were seen the house around me but I wasn't able to move, I tried calling out for T, I tried wiggling and just when I felt like I couldn't breathe, I realized 1. How could the sound of a body hitting the floor not wake our cat up (T is a heavy sleeper so no surprise there) 2? And most importantly I couldn't remember waking up and having to climb over a cat and a grown man to get of out bed ( our bed is in a tiny room and my side is against the wall so if I want to get out I literally have to climb over T, something I always complain about.) All I could remember was just suddenly standing next to them and then leaving the room. With this in mind i was like "I must still be asleep and dreaming" so I willed myself to wake up and i haven't been able to stop thinking about that dream since because it felt like sleep paralysis but I don't know for sure if it was since I wasn't like "oh my mind is in reality but my body isn't" it was more like "my body is in reality and neither is my mind" so can you have sleep paralysis while your mind is still asleep and dreaming?? But then again why was the dream so..normal and life like? Its a scenario that can actually happen in real life, me getting up at dawn when the house is dark anymore but the sun isn't shining yet, everyone else is still asleep and all I'm really going to do is use the restroom.

Don't get me wrong I have had my fair share of lucid dreams but they still had their sprinkle of crazy in them,one where my dead father appeared crucified in the middle of church saying something Although I knew it was a dream because his parents were there and their Jehovah's witnesses, they wouldn't step foot in a Catholic church even if you pointed a gun at them, the other one it was my families apartment at the time and it was overrun by hell creatures (fun fact I had gotten into a fight with my mom about God and religion before bed sooo yeh) one of those little bastards scratched me and when I woke up my hand actually hurt and another recent one was that I died, I went to an office, god was there (he had an eyepatch) and he then sent me back to earth, that's thing I saw before wakeing up was falling down to earth.

So there you have it, those are my experiences with sleep paralysis, and some crazy dreams of mine as well. Now i will see if i can finall go to sleep, good night!

[wannawrite]

혼자야 - forever rain 🌫

blog navigator !!

day6 masterlist~

group: day6

members: park jaehyung, kang younghyun

genre: platonic, brotherly "fluff" :">>

a/n: jaehyungparkian but written with no intention of making it gay HAHAHAHA i really love their relationship +++ I WAS IN SUCH A BIG WRITING RUT so this was birthed ¡¡¡ originally a reject of my youngk series (when you love someone) LOL

imagine that brian doesnt know jae well yet and vice versa yEA HAHAHA this takes place before congratulations era~

_________________________

Just as the clouds shrouding the city in mist had so subtly predicted, it had began to rain, and it had began to rain mercilessly.

The raindrops fell from the clouds, plummeting towards Younghyun's bangs at a lightning pace as if the seemingly harmless, rolls of white and grey had finally reached its breaking point and decided to offload their anger on the public.

Gradually, with each droplet gathering into one big puddle, and escalating into a waterfall, he could see the drops draping precariously on the rough tips of his brush shaped bangs, as if he was wearing beads on the tips of his hair.

Younghyun sighed as a song he held dearly to his heart, the song that spoke for their hustling generation, Forever Rain started to play, perfectly in sync with the now, unlike him. He had sighed a lot of times today, but that was most probably, his expression to life most of the time.

His songs, too, were sighs of his own. Younghyun's self written songs were never a voice of his own-they were simply a insignificant puff of hot steam, emanating tiredly into the air like a ball of wispy feathers only to disappear into thin air two seconds.

This song on his phone too, was a sigh.

A beautiful sigh.

Just like you

If I could

Just knock on somewhere

If I could kiss

The whole world so hard

Would someone welcome me

Maybe embrace my weary body

His pretty, gradually angled eyes looked up to the sky with the gaze of a baby lamb-innocent and demure. The world seemed to stop for him as he saw the beautiful teardrops of the sky pour down, knocking furiously onto his shoulder and asking for an invitation to come in.

The clouds were of white, grey, and dark grey hues, all layered vaguely together in a gently fierce gradient as their feelings oozed out onto the lamp posts, from the tips of Younghyun's raven locks to the edges of his tailor made black shoes, skimming to the depths of the drain.

The sky when it cried was so beautiful, and so unjudgemental to whoever it poured out its feelings to.

However, beneath the curtain of his clustered, jet black hair hid Younghyun's gentle sigh-in the knowledge that he'd never be able to do the same with his group members.

Still, for the first time since he had come to the thriving, fast paced city of Seoul, Younghyun felt raw, enveloping love drip through every vein in his blood as he stood upright amidst the care of the rain, and listened silently.

____________________________

"Younghyun! What the heck, why are you standing like that there? You're a soaking mess, get over here!"

Revelling in the quiet of the rain caressing his ears gently and quickly, Younghyun hadn't noticed anything amidst his little zone of peace until his ears opened before his eyes did. Standing across the road was a tall figure with a striking, red umbrella domed over his even more striking blonde bangs.

"Wait, I'm sorry, I just-" Younghyun struggled to gather his words, scrambled across the road like the rain puddles as he broke from his standing position, with rising fear of disappointing his friend in his chest.

"You don't have to apologise. I know you've always liked the rain, you told me that." Jae laughed in his low, boyish voice before placing a hand on Younghyun, who had finally came back to reality and started to approach his friend. Knowing very well that it wasn't the reason for him standing there, the younger boy couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt surface to his forehead as he nodded slowly.

As both of them walked to the venue with a sudden, yet somehow not so awkward silence hanging around them, Younghyun knew, with an uneasy feeling in his heart-that someone that took to socialising like a duck to water, would never understand the pleasure of having something as insignificant as the rain to accompany them.

"H-Hyung?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever felt lonely before?"

The squeaky sound of Jae's rubber soles ceased with his question, and they stopped walking, in sync with the previous calmness that had soothed Younghyun.

Filling the awkward silence was the pattering of raindrops, crashing louder on the field of ridges in the pavement but a little softer on their umbrella.

Suddenly, the rain didn't seem so comforting after all.

"Lots of times." Jae suddenly spoke to break the silence, with an unreadable, blank expression on his face. Not being able to see a smile spread across his dashing, clear cut features felt very foreign to the younger boy, and seeing Jae feeling lonely, felt just as foreign to him.

Surprise was evident on Younghyun's face as he susceptibly raised an eyebrow.

"You're joking." he said disbelievingly.

Jae shook his head quietly. "No, I'm not."

He looked to the floor with an unusual maturity emanating from his gaze, and paused for a bit before speaking again.

"Just because I have a lot of friends doesn't mean I don't feel alone."

Instinctively and unconsciously, Younghyun's lips parted ever so slightly, gaze transfixed sharply onto the sad sliver of light skating across the curves in Jae's small, miniscule pupils.

He never really saw Jae this sad over something as small as being alone. Over being away from home, sure-over occasional fights with members, sure-but never, the hollowness of not having someone by your side.

Then, an uncheerful-maybe even condescending, maybe even bitter laugh slipped through the gaps of Jae's loosely clenched teeth.

"Ah, Younghyun, I really, really can relate to All Alone more than you think I can." he said, tone a lot more gentle than before before continuing, "It's funny, isn't it? When you have so many people surrounding you but it makes you more lonely than you were before."

Slowly recalling the sting of past incidents, Younghyun found himself nodding as he replied, "Yeah. It really just feels like...just feels like..."

"No one really cares."

The same words had come out from the mouth of two seemingly different people.

Then, with a brief exchange of glances, Younghyun started to giggle with an understanding, almost happy feeling in the crease of his eyes, and in turn, causing Jae to giggle back.

They both stood stupidly in the crowd, in the prominent presence of the storm clashing behind them-laughing, laughing and laughing, before reality hit their smiles like a brick and put a halt on their silly fit.

"H-Hey, Younghyun-or should I say, Brian-" Jae teased, with the corner of his smirk digging a small dimple at the side of his lips and earning a slap from Younghyun- "whenever you feel lonely, talk to me, yeah? We can be lonely together."

Casually, he hung a lazy arm around Younghyun's shoulder, eliciting an endearing, hearty laugh from the younger boy.

In turn, Jae's smirk softened to a smile.

"I'm totally cringing at myself for saying this, but-I'm always there for you."

Feeling the warmth amidst the cold weather beneath the laces and crosses of Jae's soft, red jumper, Younghyun's heart blossomed a small spark of warmth himself-a warmth he had never felt upon arriving in Seoul.

"I'm always there for you too, chicken-hyung." he smirked, masking his gratitude well and subsequently, arousing a strong reaction from Jae. "Hey, excuse you, since when were you-hahahahaha-allowed to-HAHAHAHAHA-tickle me?!"

In the rain, as two children played, beneath his squeals of laughter Younghyun thought inwardly-that if this was really the after effects of the rain, he wanted it to rain forever.

THE END

_____________________

forgive me for how absurdly cliché this story is, this is just a warm up LOL i was having writers block after church camp but ughhh i learnt sm and grew sm spiritually <333 my life has honestly changed forever and isjdjsjsjdjs im so SOOOOO thankful rnnn hhh

anywaY like this was originally supposed to follow up w my current youngk series but i didnt really write it w my emotions so i was largely unsatisfied ://// so it was an unfinished reject sitting in my notes for a while and i really never intended to publish it HAHAHAHA until i realised i hadnt wrote in ages and then liKe i felt so so empty nd i felt like i had forgot how to immerse myself properly whenever i tried to start a chapter so all of them came out really fake and it was like a 8 year old composition quality work LOL but anyway even tho im not that happy w this either i needed smth to write (without having to think up an opening LOL IM WORST AT STARTING A STORY) to help me grasp my emotions better again <33 so i started today at "H-Hyung" HAHAHAHHAAHA obvi it has to be about my 2 day6 biases uwuwuwuwuwu

IF YALL CLDNT TELL BTW THe sCOPE OF THIS STORY WAS LARGELY INSPIRED BY MY MANS KIM NAMJOON UWUWUWU stream mono guys he deserves it :3333 alt this mixtape has been getting a lot of hypE BUT hehehe idk ilh and forever rain especially :)

also i apologise if yall are getting sick of seeing so much day6 on this blog lol as u can see i have been SO SO hooked onto their music and knowing more about them so ;------; i will write whilst i have the most inspiration to do so !!

thanks for sticking by my shitty posting times rip :"""" this is also to revive the blog because l and i r on vacay watch it slowly die for the next few days iM SORRY :(

from your favourite chicken and briyani enthusiast ^3^

(WILL BE EDITED SOON)

[feralgoblinchild]

A lot of white people just genuinely don't notice when some kind of media is severely lacking in diversity. It's not like they're trying to be exclusive or say that there's never a need for anyone to make more inclusive media. They just really truly don't realize it until they have someone point out that "did you notice there are only 3 characters in this multi season show that arent white?"

When I was younger and more oblivious, I just never noticed it. And honestly probably took me until college or even partway through college before I noticed it even more. Sometimes I still dont notice until someone points out "hey this is nothing but white people". It's really easy to miss when you live surrounded by people who look so similar, in neighborhoods with predominantly people who look like you, mostly see people at the grocery who look like you. When everywhere you go doesnt look that diverse (I live in Alabama and I cant speak for much the rest the world but the corner of Alabama I'm in still has a lot of self segregation in terms of neighborhoods and school districts etc.) So I grew up seeing the vast majority of people around me being white. I didnt think much when the TV characters and movie actors were mostly white. Because that's what I saw in the world around me. As I stated going to other places, other parts of the state, other states, etc I got to see just how diverse humanity is. I learned that hey whites are not the majority of the world. That hey yeah theres only 1 Asian kid here in this show and they're either the smart nerdy mom only let's me make good grades kid or the my mom tells at me cause I make Cs and Ds regularly and what's math I'm a shame to my family Asian character. I slow started noticing more the lack of POC in a lot of media. I think it's getting better. Not gonna say we're there. But I think it's getting better.

This being said, I acknowledge I am, for now, back in that same corner of Alabama where it's mostly white Christians who assume you're a Christian because you're alive, and when you say something absurdly heretical as a joke, they ask what church you go to, try to recruit you there, then get huffy and offended and domt know how to handle it when you're like "dude I'm a pagan jesus isn't the center of my life hes been dead for thousands of years chill the fuck out" they get insanely offended. I'm back where I mostly see white people in my day to day life (aside from work, but that's because hospitals have more diversity than some places due to the mature of the ER. But even then I still see a LOT of white people at work.)

So the nutshell of what I'm saying is it's really easy when you're white in a predominantly white area to not notice a lack of diversity.

Maybe it's because it looks like your area, maybe it's because you just haven't developed a habit of paying attention to diversity or lack thereof. But it's not always intentional, and sometimes it takes an active reminder, or actively evaluating to see it. And whenever someone who isnt white tells you there really aren't enough POC in something, maybe try to listen, evaluate it, and try to understand where they're coming from.

There are inherent advantages to being born white. One of those is seeing most media and being able to identify with almost any character and not have racial differences be very prevalent to this. Just acknowledge that we arent always the best judge of diversity whenever we are the majority of what's represented. That sometimes we need reminders, sometimes we have to actively try to be better about evaluating it. And that's ok. We arent perfect. Sometimes we'll just be entirely oblivious until someone points it out. Just respect them when they do, and don't use "it's getting better" to excuse a lack of diversity. "Its getting better" means "we're headed in the right direction, so let's keep on trying until we get it right" NOT "well 20 years ago was worse so be thankful for any crumbs we throw you". Its not an excuse.

[abitofafatass]

I am still so hecked up about Grif leaving the rest of the Blood Gulch Crew honestly. I dont think there’s a single thing in RvB that has hecked me up more.

I’m going to try to not regurgitate what other people have said about him quitting the teams, but a lot of people have got my views of Grif and his characterization spot on.

This got way longer than I intended to and probably would have gone on longer if I wasnt so tired

First, this is probably the first time that we’ve seen Grif upset. We saw him utterly pissed off in season 13, right after Hargrove and the Staff of Charon showed up, with his angry pacing and cursing, but this is the first time that we see Grif isolate himself because something upset him. And Church’s reappearance clearly did.

The rest of the Blood Gulch Crew sprung into action to go save Church, but Grif went and hid. That tells me that he and everyone else were in different stages of mourning. Maybe the others had gotten past it, or they were in denial, or maybe the reappearance of Church hit a reset button, but whatever it was, Grif was clearly not on the same page as them.

I think its very telling though that no one noticed that Grif was not with the rest of the teams as they were getting ready. You could argue that no one noticed because Grif is usually slacking off when there’s work to be done, and that’s probably what the teams assumed. Blue team was arguing on whether or not they should leave right away, and the Reds were... doing Red Team nonsense as they usually do. But not even Simmons noticed that Grif wasnt right there right up until they were practically out the door. 

Grif is sitting in that damn cave, going through some heavy emotional shit, and no one bothers to notice. You know who else people constantly forget about, and dont realize when he’s not there? Doc. Grif was about as exactly important to the teams as Doc is, and since Grif has been on the Forgot Doc Train, he knows that’s “not at all” to “barely even” important.

This thought is solidified by the fact the only person who comes to find him is that damn reporter, the lady who started it all. Grif is obviously the kind of guy who doesnt like to talk about his feelings, or what’s bothering him. That’s why he hid in the cave in the first place. And yet, here comes the last person who he wants to see, and she wants to talk to him. All the while, Grif is probably aware that his teams are getting ready to go on their stupid mission.

Dylan made two mistakes when she talked to Grif. The first one was she made everything about Church, which was what Grif was upset with in the first goddamn place. The wound from Church’s most recent death is still very fresh, and on top of that, the happy peaceful life that Grif had finally gotten was getting uprooted. Again. All for some asshole. Remember, from Grif’s perspective, this most recent Church also had a penchant for abandoning them (first by going after Tex, going after Tex into the Epsilon Unit, ditching them for Carolina the first chance he got, going along with Carolina after the Director, fucking off with Carolina on Chorus...), so why the hell would Grif want to chase after Church again just to have him leave?

And then Dylan brings up Sister. For all Grif knows at this point, Kaikaina is dead. They have not talked since the end of season five, which, if my math is right, was anywhere from 6 to 8 years ago.How dare Dylan pretend to know him, how dare she bring up his sister, whom he himself hasnt seen in half a decade.

How dare she strip Grif of that safety blanket of apathy he’d built for himself since his first assignment, where everyone he’d served with and presumably grew to care about died.

Because as long as he could pretend to himself that he didnt care about these people, he didnt have to deal with the fear of losing them again (with a Church exception). Dylan took that away from him. So of course he had to decry that he hated the father figure that he obviously looked up to, at least enough to emulate under times of stress. Of course he’s going to scream he hates the guy that has been his best friend for close to a decade. 

Compare that outburst of anger and frustration to when he’d walked up to the Reds and Blues. I’m not certain how much time had passed since Grif stormed out of the cave, but he’d obviously had a chance to think things over, and he realized that he just.... couldnt go with them this time. He’d never wanted to be out here in the first place, and now he has a choice. This is really the first choice he could make about his future in at least a decade, probably longer. Probably since his mom left. Note, when he tells Tucker “I can do whatever I want” there’s a slight bubbly-ness to his voice. That realization filled him with a small bit of glee. He has a choice.

He has a choice to not put himself through the mental strain of Church coming back and leaving or dying again. He can chose to go with a team that openly threatens his life (even if its not as much anymore) and openly mocks and belittles him. He has a choice on whether or not to put himself into danger again. 

And I think even as he was saying he quit, Grif was sort of hoping that someone would talk him out of it. Because this is his family, possibly the only one he’s ever properly known. But they dont. They mock him, they insult him, and they call him selfish. 

So, he leaves.

In season 13, I was blown away by how brave Grif was to stand up and say fuck that to dying, and how much growth he as a character had. This season I’m amazed that he had the strength to look at a bad situation and say fuck that I cant put myself in that situation again, I’m leaving. Even if that means leaving family behind.

I honestly cant wait to see how this Refusing the Call gets resolved.

[freerebelmentality]

Take me to church

AN: While writing this long fic, I was listening to Take me to church by Hozier and it just stuck after. The original name of the fic was Welcome to the bacl parade. So Im sticking to Take me to church. Oh my goodness I hope you will enjoy this series. Im still continuing writing this fic and almost finished.

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Word Count: 1,233

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You land at the airport and couldnt believe you are back in your home town. The one place you wanted to get away from and stay far from it as possible. After finishing school, getting yourself a good job and made something of yourself. Your parents didnt like the idea of you moving away but understood because you wanted to go to school and better your education. Now you are back in Charming.

You got out your phone to call for a cab and head down to the garage and surprise everyone on your return home. You went outside with your luggage to wait for your cab, you looked around and noticed a police cruiser parked out side. You immediately thought about the old man Wayne Unser. For some reason your thoughts are brought on someone else, the one you left behind and feeling heart broken about it.

“Are you y/n?” The cab asks to pull you away from your thoughts

“Yeah, sorry” You reply while the cab driver gets your stuff in the trunk of the cab and you get in.

“Where to?” He asks before turning on the meter and driving away

“Teller Morrow Automotive” You reply while looking out the window

“Alright” The cab driver says and begins to pull out of the airports parking lot.

You sit in the back seat, looking at the town while driving down the main street and remembering the places you hung out while growing up. Saw the old ice cream shop where you had your first date, even though your dad didnt approve of and your brother was being a jerk towards the boy. Well he isnt a boy anymore.

“Alright, we are here” The cab driver says once more pulling you away from your thoughts.

“Right, thanks. Here is what I owe you” You tell him as you pay for the fare and get out of the cab.

The bikes are perfectly lined knowing everyone is inside the club house. You grab your luggage and walk towards the office where your mom will be busy at work. Everyone inside the garage are busy at work trying to get the cars ready for the customer to pick up.

You walk up to the door and knock to see if your mom will look away from her paper work.

“Name and problem” She says without looking up

“Can a girl get some decent service around here?” You reply while looking to your mom

“Well if you would” She cuts herself off from saying anything else while she finally looks away from her massive paper work.

“My baby is home” She says and gets up from her chair to give you a hug

“When did you get here? How did you get here? Did you take a cab? Why didnt you call that you are coming home? Why didnt you call all together?” She asks very rapidly while you try to stop her from talking and finally answer her.

“It wouldnt be a surprise if I called for pick up or even called that I was coming home now would it?” You say while place your bags in her office.

“You know I hate surprises. I missed you so much” You says and gives you one more hug

“Go into the club house and surprise the shit out of everyone. I will meet you inside in a little bit, I need to get some paper work done” She says as she leads out the door and gives you a little pat.

As you are walking is when the noises get louder and louder. You knew that they were celebrating something, once you got into the bar area is when every single one of them stopped to look at you. Neither of them recognized who you were and the two people you wanted to see the most are not in sight.

“Hi uncle Tig, Bobby, Piney. Wow more like grandpa Piney” You correct yourself and finally it hits them.

“Holy shit y/n?” Bobby asks as he walk towards you.

You nod your head as you smile. He lifts you to spin you around while excitement rushes through him.

“Last time I did that you were as tall as my finger and that was a lot easier to twirl you then” Bobby says as he sets you back on the ground

“Last time I saw you, you were way smaller then and you are hell of a lot more stronger now. Well sort of” You tease while he nudges you.

“You grew up beautifully, just like your mom” Tig says as he pulls you in for a hug

“Thanks uncle Tiggy. Now where is my brother that I love to claim on certain days and my dad?” You ask while Tig still as you tucked under his arm looking around the club house.

“Its really good to see you baby girl” Piney says as he comes to give you a hug

“Y/n I dont know if you remember Happy, Chibs, Kozik. This is Juice and Opie is some where here” Tig says while introducing you to the others but you remembered Chibs.

You have always remembered Chibs, you never forgot about him and you always thought about his perfectly deep voice along with the accent you have come to love all these years.

“Aye, your da is in church wit Jackie and should be out soon” He says with his Scottish accent

You give him a small smile as you nod and loving the way his voice sounds like along with his accent.

“Kozik, isnt that the guy you said was an asshole and if you ever saw him again you would skin him alive while he watches you fillet him like a fish with your machete?” You ask while looking to Tig.

Kozik throws his arms in the air and walks out the door. The others roll their eyes as they sit at the bar and you join them for an afternoon drink. They ask questions about your school, how life is and how your job has been since you started. Finally the doors swing open.

You sat next to Chibs and waited for your dad and brother to come out. You looked around the bar and how much the place hasnt changed one bit. When the doors opened, you turned around slowly as the room got quiet real fast. Your dad stopped in his foot steps while Jax looked twice in hopes he wasnt imagining what he saw.

“Hi dad. Jackson” You say as you got up from the bar stool

Thats when your mom Gemma walks into the club house with a wide smile on her face. Your dad Clay looks to his wife to get reassurance it was you. She nods her head.

“Missed you doll face. Are you home for good?” Jax asks as he pulls you into his arms and twirls you around and never wanting to let go.

“I missed you to big brother. I dont know yet, for now on holidays from my job and see how the rest of the visit goes” You tell him still in his arms

As you let go of Jax and pull away from him. You look to your dad who has tears in his eyes because his little girl is finally home.

[blookmallow]

goin through tma transcripts again making some more observations

i think im picking up on another potential thread here i didnt notice before 

- in Growing Dark, natalie becomes obsessed with darkness. the lightbulbs appear to be going out because she’s intentionally unscrewing them, so it doesn’t seem to be the exact same as what was happening around montauk, but there’s a clear connection anyway (and mark bilham says the streetlights and the car headlights and everything all seemed darker than they should be when he went back to confront natalie, as well) jon suspects this but says it’s only a suspicion, and he isn’t sure. not sure why two different names were given (”the peoples church of the divine host” and “the hither green dissenters”) but it could just be two different names for the same group. jon doesn’t seem to know either 

- Why Didn’t Kathy ASK Her What The Food Was and i also cant decide if i really want to know what it was or really DON’T want to know but i dont think it was spinach 

- if it IS the same cult: if they were trying to summon the darkness, or worshipping it, or something, it doesn’t quite fit that montauk himself was apparently trying to keep this darkness away

but then, his killings began after his wife left, and she left the pendant behind when she did, so maybe she left the cult and that’s what made the darkness angry, but. julia doesn’t mention having ever seen her father wearing a pendant like that so it doesn’t seem like he himself was part of the cult before, and if his wife was the one involved/the one who left, why would the darkness be coming for him 

or if she was... protecting him from it and now that she’s gone it’s coming after him why would she have left her pendant behind like that, if “I’m leaving the church” was something personal to her and wasn’t intended as a statement to him

- seems like there may be two rival cults clashing here, could be some kind of Fire/open eyes/Seeing vs Darkness/closed eye/Listening happening. the clown doll in Strange Music also had eyes painted shut, and that was centered on. strange music. and the darkness cult emphasizes losing sight but there’s that discordant singing

this is a theme i didnt pick up on until just now and i dont really want to go back through and search for Sight vs Sound in everything else right now but, hm. seems like there’s been a lot of creatures that don’t want to be Seen, things that resist all attempt to Prove them, things that don’t show their true forms visually. things that don’t show up on cameras even though they were there. things that you can only see properly when you’re not looking directly at it

the strange blonde man sasha encounters says “How would a melody describe itself when asked?” his appearance distorts in reflections and he describes himself as sound 

something something magnus institute trying to cast Light and Understanding and Truth onto things that don’t want to be seen and don’t want to be understood. prentiss says in her statement - “I need it to be seen. To be seen in the cold light of knowledge is anathema to the things that crawl and slither and swarm in the corners and the cracks.”

so prentiss appears to be on the Darkness side/that makes the most sense but sasha notably discovers she can kill the worms with a fire extinguisher, while martin had noticed a partly burned worm that had apparently not been killed by fire before (and. timothy clearly did not escape the worms, regardless of whether he killed some of them or not). after prentiss was found the first time the complex burned down. i cant quite make sense of whats happening there

- there were screams heard in the abandoned chapel on the day gertrude died so something’s definitely going on there. the guy with the dream about her believed something unspeakably horrible was coming for her it doesn’t make sense that she was just shot, and “the unspeakable horror was Betrayal” seems like a cop out to me so i dont think thats it 

- the guy in Burnt Offering was. under the effects of some kind of Burning Curse so that’s. pretty clear, but why were there pictures of gertrude in that clearing. the fuck is happening there 

- I’m still trying to figure out what’s happening with Written Word vs Speech, maybe related to Seeing/Silence too, like. all these statements are written. jon is speaking them and at first i just thought he was really into the storytelling but now I’m starting to worry that the reason he sounds so different when he’s narrating the statements is that they’re. getting into him. somehow. like he’s some kind of a conduit for something. i don’t like that at ALL and i REALLY hope im wrong lmao

anyway then there’s Cheating Death, where nathaniel thorp says that his story is folklore which has never before been written down, so we have... oral tradition being spoken by an illiterate man, copied down in written word for the first time by the magnus institute (not sure if it’s relevant Who transcribed it, jon says it was a research assistant named Fiona Law, who died from what seems to be completely unrelated causes like 30 yeas later, so) and now being recited/spoken again by jon. and there’s probably something to the fact that thorp says it’s a legend/folklore but it turns out to have actually been his statement all along, so im not sure if he was... saying that the stories were about Him, or if the concept of “people who try to gamble with death become something stuck between death and life” was a story he grew up with and then discovered to be Real, or if none of it was folklore in the first place and just talking about it in a detached third person way was the only way he could do it 

prentiss describes the magnus institute as “This place of books and learning, of sight and beholding” and seems not to trust in Words, 

“There is no right word because for all your Institute and ignorance may laud the power of the word, it cannot even stretch to fully capture what I feel in my bones. What possible recourse could there be for me in your books and files and libraries except more useless ink and dying letters? I see now why the hive hates you. You can see it and log it and note it’s every detail but you can never understand it. You rob it of its fear even though your weak words have no right to do so.”

that also speaks to jon’s skepticism, everything “verifiable” about these statements does not make sense to the person’s actual experience, things keep happening that for whatever reason cannot be explained and understood, people who were THERE but theres no record of them existing, cave systems that are heavily mapped and documented but the actual experience of exploring them doesnt follow the documentation at all 

after reading prentiss’ statement jon says “There are weird things out there that are perfectly natural. It’s not, though. I know it’s not natural.” which is... the first time ive noticed him actually looking at something that could be explained rationally (prentiss is a mentally ill woman with a very aggressive currently-unknown-to-science parasite) but instead follows his feeling that theres something more underneath it 

he also. says this after having read the statement and remarks that “something in this statement has got to me a bit” and the... way he read it was very alarming and very..... Not His Voice. it worries me a LOT that something about these statements seems to be getting into him and ESPECIALLY that one