#we should celebrate it or why not
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Merry Christmas the lesmis fandom!
AnD THiS ChrIsTMaS IS LITERALLY the 200th Anniversary of
VALJEAN-TAKING-COSETTE-FROM-THE-THENARDIERS (1823-2023) !!!
hooray!!!
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Sneaky God Gale Still Loves You
I want to take a moment to offer some reassurance to any of my fellow Galemancers who got the worst Gale romance ending—the infamous ‘Sneaky God Gale.’ (credit to @airydandelion, who I believe first coined the term and who did a ton of valuable research as noted at the end of this post!)
This ending happens when you think you’ve convinced Gale not to ascend. You turned down his offer for godhood in the boat! You didn’t push him towards the crown at all (or so you thought)! And most importantly, he seemed convinced!!
Then you get to the ending on the docks and suddenly he’s all: “that crown tho…🥵” And he leaves.
Worst of all, he won’t even offer to ascend you at the epilogue party.
So what gives?!
Putting aside that this happens because 1. There are some extremely subtle and not-great dialogue options pushing him towards the crown which should’ve been better written/more obvious, and 2. Gale ‘I’m-many-things-but-not-coy’ Dekarios should have been clearly displaying his intentions towards the crown in order to give fair warning to the player, I do still think we can explain his behavior.
The most important thing to remember is that he is not gaslighting you! He’s not smooching you and giving you those big lovey cow eyes while smugly thinking about how he’s going to dump you.
When Gale offers you godhood in the boat, it’s literally called the ‘Be My God Proposal’ in the data files. It’s a proposal. And what a proposal! Because he’s not just offering you a marriage where it’s a short span of mortal years together until death. He’s offering you a literal eternity together.
…and you turned him down.
You did it for all the right reasons, your heart was in the right place, BUT…Gale is uncertain. He loves you, but do you really love him? Just him? He’s still not sure he’s enough for you. You weren’t vehemently against the crown, you seemed to waffle. And you turned down his proposal…an eternity with him was something you did not wish for…
So when he gets to the brain stem, and then the docks, and he still feels uncertainty in his heart, well—it makes him very easily swayed by the orb’s hunger for the crown.
But he still loves you.
When you get to the epilogue, he doesn’t offer you ascension for the simple reason that you already turned it down. He respects your choice, and he’s not going to try and coax you into it; your desires are different than his, and that makes a life together impossible.
But he still loves you.
Well, but, you argue, why can’t we be together as a mortal and a god? Like Gale was with Mystra?
He would never expose you to such risk, because he still loves you.
‘Ok fine,’ you say. ‘Sure, he’s still got his kind heart buried underneath the arrogance. But even so, he chose to leave. There’s no absolute, definitive proof that he still loves me!’
Sneaky God Gale absolutely, 100%, still loves you! So go do yourself (and him) a favor and fix that ending:
You can use this amazing, incredible, fantastic guide created by @airydandelion to ensure you pick the right dialogue choices to get the Gale ending you want!
If you are on a PC and do not want to go back many hours of gameplay to replay/redo the dialogue choices, you can use this mod to convince Gale to stay human with the dice roll at the brain stem.
If you’re on a PS5 (which does not currently have the above mod) my best suggestion is to use the cheaters ring. This is a PS5 mod that essentially lets you cheese all combat and speedrun the game, saving you a ton of time if you need to replay Act 3 in order to get your human Gale.
Whatever you decide to do, you can go forth secure in the knowledge that Gale was 100% truthful when he told you this:
(One final shoutout: credit to @galebrainrott for their post sharing Gale’s datamined files!)
#Essay number 171 on why I think this man is perfect#even when he’s being a dumbass 💜#The only thing that he should be sneaky about is what over-the-top celebration he’s planning for Tav’s birthday#THAT’S the Sneaky Gale we deserve#gale of waterdeep#bg3#gale dekarios#baldur's gate 3#gale x tav#galemancer#spoilers#Sneaky god gale#God gale
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Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.
It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.
Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.
The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.
This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.
Actors are not the same as voice actors.
And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.
I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.
People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.
Voice Actors ≠ Actors.
#(i am incredibly passionate about this)#(and seeing celebrity voice actors in what should be a voice actor's role completely burns my buns it doesn't matter WHO it is)#(hemsworth as optimus? someone tell me one good reason why they couldn't get a good v/a to replace mr. cullen properly for the future)#(ben shwartz as sonic? dude literally isn't even a good voice actor OR actor anyways-)#(- A N D jason griffith AND my boy roger craig smith are still RIGHT HERE)#(jason griffith IN PARTICULAR would have pulled back SO many sonic fans that went to watch the film anyways. if not /more/.)#(and on top of that he has the same tonality and energy they tried to force this moshmo to try and emulate anyways so GET THE REAL THING)#(chris pratt as mario? i can at least defend /him/ and say that barring his failure to do a NY accent consistently he wasn't terrible)#(but mario's new voice actor could've been used instead and people would've clearly appreciated that WAY more)#(vanessa hudgens as sunny starscout in mlp g5's pilot movie? literally why. they replace her and hitch's va in the show.)#(don't even get me started on the concept of hiring celebrity singers to do musical theatre roles or not letting musical theatre singers-)#(-dub the celebrity voice actors you just HAD to hire for your film bc you're so worried about not getting enough clout to get ppl in seats#(that you're putting it all in this (1) big name hire bc turns out that you have no faith in your writing ability much less-)#(-animation as a medium.)#(and no before anyone says anything : no this is not me saying that ALL celebrity voice castings are bad.)#(there are some that aren't that bad and others that are actually pretty good.)#(i especially appreciate it when actors are damn well aware they aren't voice actors and try to LEARN from voice coaches-)#(-and/or their va predecessors if applicable.)#(that does not change the fact that the celebrity shouldn't have been hired just because the film wanted to have bragging clout-)#(-oh look at this FAMOUS PERSON we were able to hire — yeah ok. sure wendy. i want to know if this film is quality or not.)#(and 9/10 times the SECOND there is money spent on a non voice actor to voice the main character especially)#(that usually means somewhere along the way animation IS going to get shafted. if not w the animators themselves then in the way of-)#(-the actual animation itself and ESPECIALLY the screenwriting because it's especially been so dogshit lately even before the strike.)#(a celebrity being hired to fill a voice actor's role is such an immediate red flag to me and it is VERY rare that i get to be proven wrong
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#shoot from the hip#sfth#99% chance someone did this already but what the hell#we stan andre beetroot in this house#it is my personal belief that after the somerset fire he fled the country#hence why he is now hosting a bobsledding tournament in sweden#although how being a celebrity beetroot farmer makes you qualified to host bobsledding tournaments is beyond me#burglary and bobsleds#almost tagged this as beetroot and bobsleds#now that would the ultimate crossover#it would have to be about andre and would bridge the gap between the two plays#hang on that should be a fic#i can't be arsed but if anyone is reading this far into the tags and is inspired i would love you forever if you wrote it
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Apparently PETA is going after Steve Irwin’s zoo.
#remember what happened last time you insulted steve’s legacy?#for context: apparently they made a statement after taylor swift visited the australia zoo#saying she should visit a ‘sanctuary’ instead#why is peta so obsessed with celebrities#like who cares what they’re doing#swifties… we may not see eye to eye… but I call on you now#tell peta to shut up#steve irwin#australia zoo#peta#anti peta
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Crazy wild shit man
#how are we straight up accepting the emmrich romance lich choice for how it’s written#does anyone feel me#hello???#no one else can see the inherent tragedy in this?#maybe I’m too mort ass pilled but um. trading away your life to escape death is no life at all#and why can’t rook be like. you killed yourself and took yourself away from me and now you have no skin for me to caress and no warmth for#me to share and though it’s still your consciousness you’ve a) gained a perspective I can never ever share and b) you have accepted#outliving me so thoroughly that I will be just a drop in the bucket of your life even if I get another good 50 years out of life.#why can’t I ask him is all this worth it without your heart????!??#why can’t I break it off?!!!???#why do I HAVE to celebrate this choice#emmrich volkarin#dav spoilers#and that’s not even getting into the philosophical questions surrounding fear and what it means to live like.#emmrich… has ocd. and I have no doubt that those fears are truly debilitating (despite this almost never coming up in the narrative)#and essentially this choice is one about how to deal with it. acceptance vs avoidance. and we see no consequences for either!!!#if he chooses to accept this fear as a part of him and work through it WE SHOULD SEE THAT WORK#he should struggle!! and that struggle should lead him towards making peace with that fear#AND!!#if he chooses to escape from that fear— to actively avoid ever resolving it— we should see him struggle with that too!!!!#molding your entire existence around this fear to the point you embody it… where are the emotional consequences for that!?#WHY DO I— AS SOMEONE WHO SUPPOSEDLY LOVES HIM— NOT GET ANY OPPORTUNITY TO PUSH BACK OR ASK SOME TOUGH QUESTIONS?!?#in a game about the tyranny of immortality… we can send our beloved to kill his mortal self to come back as an immortal husk.#and we’re not even allowed to be sad abt it the very next scene is some goofy cartoon shit at the lighthouse where every single person just#immediately accepts this reality and has no issues. not even taash 😭
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Sansa didn’t feel horrified at Joffrey’s death and Arya didn’t in her grief still say that a dead Joffrey won’t bring her brother Robb back for y’all to revel in violence and miss the point of the books that badly.
#I get why he is the most hated character ever#but should we celebrate death?#grrm in his most recent interview also touched upon this point#he said (paraphrasing here) that sure Joffrey is a son a of a bitch but surely a son dying horrifically in front of his mother’s eyes calls#for sympathy#grrm really said look inwards and it was lost on even the people who present at the interview#gah#asoiaf#joffrey baratheon#arya stark#sansa stark#robb stark#game of thrones#will there be singing in the dark times?
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IT'S
#happy “'platonic' love at first sight” season 2 for those who celebrate#it's crimson chin land in here#why do they both have so much chin#is this too mean spirited#or am i just jaded#i refuse to be a part of 2020s j0nhl0ckgate#we should know better by now#spirk#snw spirk#snw s2#star trek snw#spock#jim kirk#james t kirk#star trek#he’s meme jim
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Well they caught him. If he wasn't the exact kind of person tumblr loves, the conspiracy theories about this being a random person being framed would have continued to spread. But he's an attractive 26 year old white man who was caught carrying a manifesto about corporate America and has an internet history that matches up with tumblr's general politics. So everyone is going to get excited about how he's a martyr and go back to acknowledging reality in that there isn't a conspiracy to frame the wrong guy.
The discussions over whether or not this man should be lionized as a hero are honestly not as relevant as the comfort with which people are going to drop the conspiracy theory they would have been fully committed to if this man's politics turned out to be nuts. The ease with which the userbase of this website switches between realities based on whether or not they confirm their biases is really alarming. I just hope people understand how weird it is to claim a random person is 100% going to be framed by the FBI on one day, and then drop that by the next day when it becomes clear that the person being "framed" is the exact kind of communist you had hoped.
#gingerswagfreckles#i feel like this comes off as waaah the ceo got shot and i really dont feel that way#i dont care he had it coming#and also. i cannot say yet bc not much info has come out but so far the shooter doesnt seem like someone i dont generally agree with#(preliminarily. maybe the manifesfo is super nuts idk)#but i really think that everyone's excitement to celebrate this guy as a hero is going to#distract from the fact that leftists have like decided conspiracies theories are completely acceptable#and not only that they're fun and true based on nothing but also that they stop being true#when theyre no longer politically beneficial#which just like. do you guys even understand how bad that is. not just that ppl are all gung ho about conspiracies now#but that theyre not dropping them in response to new information that disproves them#but in response to new information that makes them politically inconvenienient to continue to believe#it implies that a huge chunk of leftists are not basing their opinions on reality and facts but whatever makes them feel good and confirms#their identity within their social group. which has been true to some extent for a while#but we are getting to the point where people arent uncomfortable with the cognitive dissonance#that comes with believing in different versions of reality from one moment to the next based on what feels like it would be cool#in that moment#idk we are all doomed i think#i saw this coming back in 2017 and no one listened to me :/ people dont believe in objective truth anymore#they believe truth is something malleable that can be changed to confirm their beliefs#rather than something objective that they should change their beliefs in response to#like why are you all dropping the whole this is a random person being framed thing if you believed that yesterday#like oh ok NOW the police are a reliable source for identifying who the perpetrator is?? bc the perpetrator turned out to be someone you#think is cool?? i do not believe you guys would be believing these same souces arent in on a conspiracy against leftists if this guy#had turned out to be someone you dont like and agree with#luigi mangione#united healthcare#united healthcare ceo#united healthcare ceo assassination
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#We Should All Know Less About Each Other#we live in a society#memes#meme#funny#funny memes#lol#truth#facts#opinion#every other day I’m being forced fed completely worthless info about a celebrity or politician I don’t give a shit about on my newsfeed#why should I care what the dead queen’s favourite breakfast is
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02.10.23, thursday
I feel like taking whole weekends off doesn’t work for me. Like if I take the days off, I’ll get stuck in that mood and I’m just now getting back to the groove of things, and it’s friday again tmrw. I think the ideal for me would be like 2 weeks on and then couple days off. Something I could actually do sometimes if I just schedule it. But couple last weekends I’ve had set plans so had to have actual weekends and my productivity has taken the hit
#basically I’m just so bad at starting things that I should never stop bc it takes too long to get back to it#i have things this weekend and probs next weekend as well but after that#(also side note; why do we have to stuff _everything_ to the end of the year?? like every celebration/event and then also the deadlines like#why don’t we have legit anything for january-april like those months suck)#aesthetic#books#studyblr#study#reading#read#bookblr#book#studyspo#dark academia#booklr#chaotic academia#november 2023#2023
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you know. white liberals would be far less annoying (still deeply annoying) and far less difficult to take seriously (still deeply difficult) if they stopped lying to themselves and everyone else about what they were doing. ‘cause y’all either sound completely stupid and removed from reality at best or violently callous at worst.
(and before anyone fails their reading comprehension here, i am not telling anyone to vote or not vote or who to vote or not vote for. get off my dick.)
but no, you’re not doing “real leftism” by voting for kamala (something i have actually seen countless people say. “real leftists” would vote for kamala!!1!!1!! if you don’t vote for her ur not a “real leftist!!!!”). that’s not what that is. words mean things. you’re actually engaging in pretty textbook liberalism. it’s not “real leftism” to vote for a genocidal fascist who is actively employing genocidal fascistic policies both overseas and domestically, and who has pledged gladly to continue doing so. (again, bc this is the bad reading comprehension website, i’m not telling you if you vote for kkkamala ur not a “real leftist” (mostly because that’s meaningless); i’m saying that that act itself is not a """leftist""" action). if you feel the need to justify what you’re doing to yourself by pretending you’re doing ~real leftism~, stop.
you're not “stopping fascism” or “saving democracy” or whatever else. you’re not “stopping fascism” by voting for a fascist. you’re not “saving democracy” by voting for a fascist. if you genuinely can’t see in this current moment that kamala harris & the democrats are fascists, you are deliberately ignoring and excusing fascism as long as it’s happening to nonwhite people. it is willful, deliberate ignorance at this point and it is violent. you genuinely do not see victims of fascism unless it happens to white people.
you’re not “protecting palestinians” by voting for kamala. you’re not making their chances better or being better for them or improving their conditions. you’re not “more likely” to sway kamala on palestine; you can’t even threaten to withhold your support for her because of her wanton slaughtering of palestinians. 13 months of ongoing genocide and ongoing mass protest movements and multiple polls showing that she would literally guarantee the win in key swing states if she would just call for an arms embargo / ceasefire as part of her platform have not swayed her. she constantly, constantly reaffirms her willful, enthusiastic support of this genocide. she has said over and over again that she will not end her support for israel, that she would not have done anything differently than biden, that she has no intentions to stop sending israel arms and money so they can keep slaughtering palestinians and now lebanese. you are not “protecting” or helping palestinians by voting for her. keep their names out of your mouths.
you’re not protecting """minorities""" or """poc""" either. not when the candidate is a cop whose administration has already funneled billions of dollars into the police and the military, who is priding herself on wanting to create the most lethal military, on being tougher on the border&immigration than trump, who is happily continuing to perpetuate racist atrocity propaganda to justify the mass slaughter of palestinians, who continues to reaffirm and support the escalation of imperialism and war even elsewhere in the so-called middle east, who is gladly seeking (and securing) endorsements by racist white supremacist republicans (like dick fucking cheney. come on), whose administration has been for four years enthusiastically accelerating the climate crisis, whose campaign has been littered with examples of both their supporters and the politicians themselves being virulently racist. you’re not protecting us. you’re not helping us.
your candidate wants us dead. your candidate wants me dead. your candidate wants my people in iran dead. your candidate wants my sister peoples in palestine and in lebanon dead. your candidate is actively orchestrating their slaughter.
kamala might be better for you, white liberal american. fine. vote for her if you wish. no one is stopping you. but stop white knighting about it. stop pretending you’re doing this for anyone but yourself. stop lying to yourself and everyone else about what you’re doing. stop speaking over us the with fucking audacity that you’re somehow doing us a favor, and stop talking down to us, palestinians especially, like they are children who need to be ~explained~ the right way to save them. stick your white savior complex up your ass.
vote however you want, but stop lying about what you’re doing and who you’re protecting.
and if you want my vote too? fucking earn it.
#us politics#politics#genocide#kamala harris#liberal#joe biden#palestine#israel#racism#quasartalks#if dems wanted me to vote for them they’d stop being so fucking racist to me & people like me. they’d do the literal one (1) thing that the#statistic vast majority of usamericans want. but they won’t. they care less about winning the election — and less about /doing their job/#(you know - responding to the wishes of their constituents they represent) — than they do about being able to continue bombing hospitals#and burning children alive in tents. they would rather blow babies’ brains apart than win the election. they KNOW. that they would GUARANTE#A WIN. if they would STOP SLAUGHTERING PEOPLE. and they DO NOT CARE ABOUT WINNING ENOUGH TO DO IT. they dont care abt winning the election#enough to stop slaughtering civilians.#why should i care then? if they don’t? if they clearly don’t care enough to do the single thing that would guarantee the win?#you’re asking me to care about people who care more about killing me than they do winning the election. be so for fucking real.#and leave me alone. leave us alone.#vote for whatever you want. but keep our names out of ur mouths.#i’m going to try to have this b the only actual post abt this i make#but goddamn. dems are so disgustingly violently racist and you get madder at the ppl they deliberately denigrate than u do them for-#-alienating swaths of their voter base. y’all are a little too excited abt these racist maniacal genociders.#we see the way you celebrate racists. if kamala wins and you’re doing anything but breathing relief that trump is gone and strapping in to#actually 'pressure' kamala like u said u would? if i see any of you freaks Celebrating?? celebrating these racist wastes of space?#it’s on sight lmao
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ignore the fact i disappeared that was simple winter hibernation ( still sick and coughing out my lungs btw )
for a basically nonexistent context it’s currently 1:50 am my paper is literally just on my mattress hello hard surface who and this is the most abhorrent lighting and i COOKED (dubious) 🔥🔥🔥‼️🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🌶️🌶️✨🌶️😋😋🌶️😋😋🥺🥺💖💖✨✨
one of my ocs grgrggrjekslalksj I need to talk about them more on here nyways yeah uhm bye read the tags thanks
#★ ˎˊ˗ melonrambles!#guys. guess what. your dearest father#i mean melon#has returned with the goods omg this is so splendid wait wait why are you turning around#and leaving again wait no wAIT#too slow. ive disappeared with the wind 😱😱#on a less silly note writers block burnout and a bunch of other silly fun happy things got meshed together into this really ugly ball#and it may or may not have taken we like 3 full days to get down a single sentence#so. hahahaha#melon is sometime but definitely before February definitely definitely aaha im not gaslighting myself im not g-#and to like throw something at this feral audience i have ammassed#a bone#if you will#ill get a work out soon#plan smth special for our silly celebration ILY GUYS SM SHHSHSHKS UGH WAHHGHH 💖💖💖#and i am finally going to be poking that smau of mine that’s been on mine indefinite hiatus for far too long <43#i was honestly thinking of discontinuing it but the anemo men… im an anemo kisser I couldn’t possibly..#so. that should be all from me#ill be workin on a new tagging system when I get back fully hopefully#so this blog will look less like an active track wreck <3#giggles okay bye im off to do more silly bybye 🫡
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hiiro made so many cute noises in the vermilion prologue. here's a rough cut of all of his audio clips from there that i made for my hiirop friends
#enstars#hiiro amagi#it took like 30 mins to make this for some reason#my video editing software is not the most intuitive lol#why am i posting this? man idk i just think we should celebrate the beginning of vermilion event on engstars#i'm on track for hiiro by the end of the event!
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hey man. i'm just saying. why would we put inexperienced teenagers with over-inflated egos and obvious emotional issues into combat classes and make them claw their way to the top of their dorms and expect things to just run smoothly. who actually thought this
#the reason rsa doesn't have overblots is because they understand the joy and whimsy of life and friendship btw#LIKE. why is there no school counselor?? do you know how much time & resources & effort & TRAUMA we could have saved the students &#school from if ANYONE had reached out to riddle and was like 'hey are you alright i heard xyz and i wanted to let you know...' ESPECIALLY#since TREY LITERALLY TELLS US 'oh well here's the lowdown on her trauma this is Probably what is causing this'#or if someone sat down to tell leona 'hey! i'm rooting for you in ur magift(?) game! you're my fav player!!' AND LET HIM FEEL NOTICED#or if someone approached azul as an Equal to try to stop his plans. as a friend even. BEYOND A BUSINESS TRANSACTION#or if ANYBODY BUT ESPECIALLY KALIM was like 'jamil i think you should follow your passions and do something you enjoy today!!' or AT LEAST#let him know he was appreciated as a person NOT JUST FOR HIS WORK#'i know you're doing a lot today but i just wanted to thank you for how much Effort you put into this and..' etc etc etc#ERM.. IF ANYONE TREATED VIL LIKE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CELEBRITY??? or even 'hey i loved you in this film i was wondering if we could#do a play together or something..!!' AND LET HER TRY A TYPE OF CHARACTER SHE NEVER GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE. and sing her praises.#if anyone reached out to idia beyond a 'hey the teacher said to come to class'/'get out of your bed and come to our housewarden meeting'#or even. IF ORTHO HIMSELF was like. 'you know it's not your fault... you didn't cause all of this. not really' OR SOMETHING#or if malleus ever got to experience a small firsthand loss AND WAS COMFORTED THROUGH IT. not just quick fix via magic. not replacing. just#GRIEVING SOMETHING??????? and wasn't feared by literally everyone#um. maybe the real twisted part is that all of this tragedy was easily preventable if we had a support system in place.#but idk. twst is a highschool. there's no support in real high school either. i'd probably overblot too if i could ajdjrjfinfdndjd#twst#chatter#LONG RAMBLE SORRY#yes overblots are essential to the plot. but also. do you know how frustrating it is watching the blot build up and sitting in silence.#I'M SORRY IK IF SOMETHING LIKE THIS WAS HAPPENING TO A GUY I JUST MET I WOULD PROBABLY NOT NOTICE.. but of it was my Friend or Housewarden..#I'D ASK BRO.... I'D ASK ... UGHHHHHUUUHHHH#not that anyone would notice if *I* was about to lose it tbh#speaks volumes about our society o think#OKAY NOW I'M DONE FOR REAL
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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