#we say people should open their mind and understand that gender is not binary and never has been

[kirabook]

Words change meaning over time.

Whether you're progressive or conservative, there's nothing you can do about that. As society moves forward, words will evolve with us. Meanings will change. Sometimes even misspellings become official spellings. Negative words will become positive words and vice versa.

Trying to keep everything the same is a pointless effort, especially if you're progressive.

Society can be shaped. Society can be changed. Society can get better and society can get worse. That is how the world is no matter where you're from.

[genderqueerdykes]

i don't wanna try to like. idk, minimize the struggles of people with queerer genders than mine but like as a trans lesbian who follows a lot of men dni blogs. idk... if i say "men don't interact" i almost only ever mean like, genderstable cis binary men. like. it's not about wanting people to fit into very specific boxes it's a frustration with non queer people fetishizing lesbians, stealing content from us, repackaging our content for straight consumption. and i am plural in a single gender system so i both understand the system struggles and can't quite relate but. is it really that hard not to interact with a blog. i feel like there's an assumption that everyone's personal online space should be open to everyone and some people just don't want that. like there's other blogs. at the same time i feel like this is probably unconvincing. like if someone put "people who are cis straight men at all time dont interact" it wouldn't really fix the problem from the perspective of people who have an issue.

i guess it's just not about singling out a single gender and deciding anyone even slightly involved in that gender is evil, but about the recognition that there are people out there that have privilege over us, and have proven themselves incapable of not committing violence when we let them anywhere near us.

women dni doesn't make sense to me unless it's literally gay men trying to ward off fujoshis tho.

i get what u are saying! i think everyone is free to determine what the DNI is on their blog, and i think it's fine if u have personal reasons for wanting to do so. it's just good to keep in mind that it's the internet so a lot of ppl won't see that DNI, even if you include it in the body of a post, because a lot of ppl don't know what that means, even now, and if you don't include it in the body of a post, it can be deleted from tags, and most ppl don't check the OP of every single post they RB

moreso what i have an issue with is like. making ppl feel like they are not welcome in a space they rightfully belong in due to their identity as though it's the obvious answer. again, everyone is allowed to establish boundaries, and i don't think it's an issue to want to try to weed out folks that could potentially harm you, you can just end up shooting someone you like in the foot without realizing it. it's a hard balance to achieve unless u wanna have friends that are all within the same identity range in which case that's fine literally anyone is free to determine their boundaries on their blog

what i'm trying to stress is making sure ppl are expressing their boundaries in a clear and safe manner that doesn't make ppl feel like their identity is somehow a problem for every single person who shares the same identity cuz that's not the case! but again like. i'm literally not gunna tell someone else how 2 run their blog, like. i just block ppl that seem unnecessarily hostile, or if i think me identifying partially as a man and woman is gonna be a problem or what have u. i utilize the block button a lot, its honestly the only thing that makes this website navigable LOL

[mdhwrites]

what are your thoughts on luz insisting on calling philip 'belos'? as a trans person it felt like a weird decision cause he specifically asked to be called philip. what makes it worse is he is depicted as an evil monster/irredeemable for being so "two-faced" which is not great when he says something that most definitely does not sound cis

i'm inclined to believe this wasn't intentional malice on the part of the show writers cause honestly they probably forgot he said that or just didn't put too much thought into the dialogue when they were writing it. regardless it still came off as slightly irritating to me. i like ur takes so im curious what u think

So first I just want to throw out that despite the fact that I'm pushing myself more and more to be inclusive, transgender identity and characters is one of those things I'm not comfortable doing myself. I still argue with myself about a joke with Daina in Rich Witch that has spoiler explanations/justifications. It's not because I'm anti-trans either. Trans rights are human rights. Period. But like… There's a reason Juro Rigged Pets, literally started the day I chose to stop watching TOH or close to that, is a converted fic because I want to use the community as a soundboard for not fucking up with my first enby character because Luz is non-binary in that one.

And if you're going "Wait, why are you okay with writing sapphics then?" Well, my personal reasoning is that I see love as love and that that emotion is fairly universal, even if the expression is going to change due to gender. There is still an emotional in for me to write them, I've been exposed to a LOT more sapphic emotions and talking than I have anything about trans identity and in general I just like writing and hanging out with girls more. Not even from a "Hurr hurr, I'm a straight white dude" perspective but more from a "I like that these people seem to be capable of being more mature, emotional and honest than a lot of the guys my age seem to be." I literally spent lunch most of the time in High School with only girls around me. I just don't know if I have a comfortable, emotional in when it comes to gender identity. While identity is universal, questioning one's gender and how people treat you about it is not. It's just not the same from my perception as a feeling like love. Is that maybe small minded me? Maybe. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like the best I can do in a situation is admit my own ignorance and hope I learn to do better in the future. My ears are always open though to try and learn and understand better.

I say all of this because… Well I don't think I have a lot to say about your ask. I mostly agree. It's not meant to have any active malice to it even if it's a dick move by Luz. If we're charitable, it's meant to be reinforcing the point Luz makes in that scene about Belos wanting to be called a human name when he has clearly thrown away his humanity for his goals.

Which… I don't like in general. Yes, he is monstrous and has magic but it's really the only time they make the case and Belos still identifies as human more than he identifies as magical. If they were willing to interrogate it more, it'd be a cool recognition of the use of religion and the like to say you have noble goals while being the literal worst person ever but it's much more about Belos being a literal monster than his inner monstrosity in that moment. Like so much with Belos, it's an interesting idea obviously on the writer's mind but not done anything with because they won't dedicate the effort to it.

If we take it less charitably and look at Luz's character as a whole… Why should Luz care about other people's identities? Her claims of caring about other weirdos and the like never come out to anything. I've talked about before how Yesterday's Lie plus the pilot kind of implies that Luz actively chose never to make friends with nerds because they weren't special enough. That Willow and Gus only meet her requirements because they have magic.

Luz doesn't see Belos as meeting those requirements so why would she care about basic rights such as being given the name you desire? I think this is too mean of a take. I don't know if I personally agree with it but it is the unintentional effect that one can take from it just like how you feel awkward about the dead name being used at all when a preference is shown.

It's like if someone calls me Mikey. I don't like it. Someone pointed out to me that it's like a dog's name when I was a kid and ever since I've HATED being called that. Mike is fine but don't call me Mikey. If someone does, I know they don't give a shit about me and so I shouldn't give a shit about them and we better split our separate ways. Same goes for the assholes who have befriended my brother and called me shit like Chris 2 or Chris' Brother. Alright asshole, I see how little I matter so I'm just going to go now.

Hell, I gained a little bit of an identity issue with my brother when we were both in JROTC because a lot of people go by last names in that program. You have a twin, you end up getting called the same thing. Equated to each other. Etc. like that. Fun times.

But like Luz disrespecting Belos, I didn't take it as disrespectful until people started thinking I could be my brother's wrangler or that I should be matching my brother's athletic accomplishments. And that's what I feel about with Luz denying Belos the courtesy. It's kept at just the functional level of "You're the villain and this is the name you used to rise to power so I will not let you forget that," then seeming to be active malice about a person's identity and how they wish to be called.

Could it have been cut to be more comfortable to those who care deeply about dead names, identity, etc. like that? Yes. Could I imagine people with those same issues also overlooking it because at worst it's a microaggression as presented and the show is at least mostly respectful to people's identities? Also yes. So I don't really know which way to lean on it.

I wish I did. I wish I felt more comfortable with the subject. Frankly I'm paranoid about my personal stories here to give context to my perspective on these matters still being tasteless. I try not to let stuff like this stop me from giving my thoughts but…

Well, I want to be respectful. Maybe even more respectful than Luz is to others, depending on how you want to turn the globe of her character. Edit: I do want to mention that I actually have a fanfic where Luz is non-binary. I'm actually proud of how much that story will theoretically touch on identity and change frankly. At the time I also thought I had a Discord who would help me make sure to do it right/convinced me to give it a shot and didn't realize that enby people are considered on the trans spectrum. It's called Joro Rigged Pets. Like Crises Girlfriends, I plan to convert it someday after I finish it first as fanfiction. I'd love all of yours thoughts and feelings on how I'm doing it because like I said: I do try to be respectful. ========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[disaster-fruit]

Believe it or not, I am 27 and have just discovered ATLA and I have some questions. Is my feeling correct that most Zutara shippers are women/nonbinary folks and most Kataang shippers are, well, men. I just can’t help thinking how Kataang is written with such a male gaze in mind, while Zutara covers both perspectives. Anyways, I understand why the show ended with Kataang, I’ve read all the big metas, I understand that Bryke kind of sucks etc. etc. But I’m curious what you think about this perceived gender divide since you’ve definitely been around longer lol

Hello! I gotta say, i don't think i have a better perspective of the fandom to offer, since i haven't actually been part of the fandom since maybe 2012? and back then i was a literal child and i couldn't speak English so 'being in the fandom' was mostly just reblogging gifs and reading the zutara fics in brazilian ao3 of the time. I have watched and re-watched ATLA an unholy amount of times since then, and i have read and watched hours and hours of meta and theories and whatnot, but the fandom itself is not something i'm well acquainted with to give a good perspective on.

I do, however, love to talk and love receiving asks, so i guess you'll get my opinion anyway. And everyone knows i'm not usually concise.

First of all, are most zutara shippers women/non-binary and kat@ang shippers men? I don't know. I haven't been in the fandom and i haven't checked the bios of most posts i did see and interact, so i have no idea. The only kat@ang shipper i personally know is a friend of mine, who is a woman. So i won't speculate on whether or not your feeling is correct, perhaps a fandom veteran would be better equipped at answering it.

What i WILL say is that Kat@ang is, in my opinion, much more appealing from aang's perspective than from katara's. She's older than aang, in an age girls are absolutely not looking at younger boys that way, and doesn't show any interest in him romantically through the whole show, with the only exception that comes to mind being their dance on season 3 (easily their best moment imo), and then their kiss at the very last minute. All we know is that Aang likes Katara, and the other way around is open to interpretation at best.

One sentiment I've seen from kat@ang shippers is that they seem to really like aang and what him to be happy, and since he likes katara, they ship the two. That is all well and fine, we support people having fun with their ships for whatever reason here. That is however not a good enough motivation if you are, you know, the creators of a show who were supposed to have some duty to storytelling, themes, and cohesion. So them making kat@ng happen just so that aang could 'get the girl', despite all the ways that weakens an otherwise phenomenal story, is a bad choice that should be criticized. At the very least, in its execution.

So yeah i don't think its wrong to say there's a 'male viewpoint' to kat@ang as it was made in the show, though i wouldn't necessarily extend that to the kat@ng fans in the fandom since i don't know them, and it feels unfair to make that assumption. For all i know there is probably no shortage of amazing fics out there that explore their dynamic much better than the show did.

But though i can't speak for kat@ang fans, there is another group i've seen more often in my metas and video essays journey and talking to male friends throughout the years, what i'll call 'shipping neutral' men. You know the type, they love avatar, they'll spend hours and hours dissecting all the aspects of the story and the themes and the worldbuilding up UNTIL the topic is romance in the show. Then they'll wave it away dismissively saying the show 'was never about romance' and the crazy shippers are 'getting distracted' from the real story and how they just don't care about that aspect. And some of them will say they're fine with Kat@ng because it's canon (and no other reason), some wont have an opinion on any of the ships, except that they're not important and anyone who HAS an opinion on that is just silly.

And HERE i definitely see not only a gender divide but a sexist tendency to disregard romance as less important to any story, and not as an integral part that deserves care and deserves to be well interwoven with the rest of it. It's basically a stereotype now about how zutara fans have all these metas and analysis about how perfectly the ship fits the shows themes and how that would improve the writing (and yes, i agree with all of them) and that's because we know that romance is just as deserving as action, as worldbuildng and whatnot, and that it can be a powerful writing tool to enhance character and plot and themes, and that the way it is done it ATLA is not that. And i think these 'shipping neutral' men's analysis all fall short and even tend to not notice flaws in the story because they refuse to interact meaningfully with that aspect. Because as we all know, romance is for silly girls.

And being honest, i have much more respect for any kat@ang shipper of any gender that is out here being passionate about what they like, writing their fics and writing their own metas and having fun in a respectful way, than i have for men (and people who aren't men) with that dismissive attitude towards the romance arcs in the show.

That was a tangent! But damn i haven't answered an ask like this in a while and its always very fun. Hope i didn't offend anyone lol If its not clear i'm not a fan of ship wars, we stan having fun here. Buuut i also love debating and engaging with the story and that sometimes can get confrontational. There's definitely a space for 'ship discussion' or 'ship debate' that doesn't cross the line to 'ship war', i think that line is 'fun'. We're having fun, right? Discussing fandom and writing is fun, right?

Anyways hope this makes sense, sorry I didn't actually answer your question even though i talked THIS MUCH.

[queer-merm]

I try not to bring up too much discourse but I will just this once:

You may have noticed that this blog went from “yeah haha I am an inclus :) I guess I just support queers haha (refuses to elaborate, refuses to specify)” to “I am explicitly inclusive of all good faith identities including but not limited to ace and aro people, but also queer people, kinky people, polyam people, and bi lesbians, lesboys, turiagirls, trans people with “contradictory” sexualities, etc”.

When I went with the former, it was really out of fear of getting hate, but also cowardice.

And when it turned out someone close to me had one of those lesser known identities, I realized it’s not enough to be vaguely inclusive.

In the face of hatred, we /have/ to take a stand. It’s not enough to not hate, we have to show support to ALL queers. In the face of discourse, in the face of gay related things we don’t understand, it can be easy to forget that the people whose identities were ducking fighting about already face hate from the cisheteropatriarchy for /being a queer. Being a faggot. Being a dyke. Being a tranny./ These people are already vulnerable, how dare we not show support to people in our own communities?

Who cares if you don’t understand everything? Who cares if I don’t understand everything? It’s not about me, it’s not about you. It’s about standing together no matter our differences.

And you know what? I think I can empathize with people who don’t get /how/ easily one can identify as a lesbian. I remember when I first started identifying as one. After years of feeling pressured of being into men, only to realize no, actually, I don’t like men, it can feel liberating, and frustrating to know that it took years to unlearn that.

Then you turn around and see people seemingly going “I don’t care about what #society thinks. I’m gonna identify like I fucking want, lulz”.

If I learned about the concept of bi lesbian right after I came out, I think I would have had the same knee jerk reaction. “It’s not fair! /I/ WORKED HARD! I had to work for my label, and these people can just choose to do it? What the fuck?”

Two things to note:

-our goal /should/ be to make it that everyone has an easier time figuring themselves out. People saying “fuck cishets, I’m queer in my own way” is a good thing! (And, I’m saying this in the most gentle, kind way, but you being upset you had to work for your labels is not other people’s problem. Sorry.)

-honestly, it’s bold to assume people didn’t think this through. Honestly, they probably had very similar self doubts and thoughts than you did. I guarantee they chose their labels after thinking about it, just like you did. One word can have multiple meanings, and that’s okay.

(Also, no, bi lesbian (because I’m gonna guess this is the current big one that people are still pissed over) isn’t inherently transphobic, it wasn’t made by and for transphobes, it’s not from last year, and no one (no one) is forcing you to ever like a man or give up on your bi idetentity. come on yall we’ve been through this)

And look if you foam at the mouth reading about bad queer identities, and you refuse to ever tolerate people who use them, fine. I’m not here to change your mind. My goal with this blog and my posts isn’t to make you happy, it’s to make queer people feel safe and included. Cis straight people already want us gone, I won’t tolerate people feeling like they are not safe with fellow queers. We /have/ to support each other no matter what.

And look I don’t get fundamentally understand everything. I don’t /get/ how one can only be one gender in one way their own lives. I don’t understand people who are comfortable using certain labels when they are non-binary. I don’t understand people who find men attractive. But I understand I don’t need to understand everything, I just understand I need to be open minded and be kind even if I don’t always “get it”.

(If you’re not queer, if you don’t like the word queer, consider that this post isn’t for and about you and not everything revolves around you :) if you’re not queer you’re not included in this post dw)

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

I don't know who else to turn to about this, because I want to ask the question but I don't want to get -cancelled- Can you tell me why so called "terfs"/radfems are wrong? because as far as I can tell they make a lot of sense but I know that makes me a "bigot" I just don't understand why. Men have already taken so much from us, is is so much to ask that they leave us the identity of womanhood? This is a serious question if thats okay.

…

(I’d like to find a gif of a character pouring out a glass of alcohol for something like this. On the other hand, I don’t drink, so it would be distinctly out of character…) 

Okay, let’s see if I can explain this to the best of my ability. 

It’s not men who are coming after you, not in this case. Because Trans women are women, and that’s a full sentence. It’s a fact. And that’s the real point here, but I’ll either persuade you that it’s true, or I won’t. At a certain point, I can’t choose what to believe for you. I can only tell you that on this one, you are wrong. TERFs are some of the most disappointing enemies we face in the fight for LGBT rights, because you are so, so close to getting the point, and yet you still miss it by a mile. The irony is that misogynists and other bigots of a similar caliber are glad you exist. Because intentionally or not, you are doing their dirty work for them. 

Let me try to put it another way. 

Let me ask you a single question - why. Why would men make the choice to “pretend” they’re women? The current social climate doesn’t exactly welcome trans people with open arms. People are being ostracized to the point of suicide. People are being murdered. Coming out as Trans typically involves, at the very least, changed pronouns and possibly a different name. But in the examples that TERFS usually talk about, it involves men “dressing up” as women. It often involves physical transitioning, up to and including sexual reassignment surgery. I repeat my question - why? Why would a cisgender man pretend to be otherwise? What benefit are they going to gain from that? The Patriarchy has done everything in it’s power to reduce womanhood, and with that in mind…why would men ever want to “steal” it from you? So they can go into a girl’s bathroom to assault people? I shouldn’t have to remind you of this, but men have been walking into girl’s bathrooms and assaulting them since the dawn of time, without bothering to use a disguise. They don’t need to do that. Our system is so fucked that they’d get away with it just fine in plain clothes, and that’s a bigger problem. You know what else is a bigger problem? Trans people having their privacy invaded when they try to use the bathroom they’re comfortable with. What does it even matter? It’s a bathroom. They don’t need to be gender-segregated in the first place, and plenty of them aren’t. So I’ll say it one more time - why? What’s the motive here?

While I can understand the instinct that there are certain things only cisgender women experience…that sentiment is true for just about every group you can conceivably name. Trans women likewise have unique experiences, just as Trans men do. And cis men. And nonbinary folk like myself. It’s not a competition. We should all be on the same side if we stand for equal rights. And that’s the main problem with the TERF ideology. You’re not standing for equals rights. I know you think you are, but you’re not. Who are you, who are any of us, to tell a Trans person that their identity is wrong? I assume you’ve heard of dysphoria, but if you’re cisgendered, that’s another experience that you can’t truly know or understand yourself. And speaking honestly, neither can I. But maybe I don’t have to understand it entirely. Maybe I just need to be considerate and look out for other people. Maybe feminism means standing up for the rights of all women, even the ones who don’t fit our perception of what it means to be a woman.

Because that perception is largely built on the back of the gender binary. 

I should put this out there, I am not a psychiatrist. I’m not even claiming to be particularly smart. But this is my interpretation of what’s going on here, and I think there’s some merit to it. I believe transphobia is largely rooted in misogyny. Because the Patriarchy’s power comes from the pecking order that’s been established and entrenched into every aspect of our lives. And you can’t keep women properly subjugated if the definition of a “woman” isn’t clearly defined and based on traits that cannot be negotiated or changed, like the genitals we’re born with. The misogynists at the top depend on this gender binary, and on the two sexes being irrevocably linked to it. What if the people we thought were men yesterday turn out to be women today? How does that calculate in the inherent system we have for men and women? It’s just too confusing, right? Makes it too difficult to keep everyone in their allotted places. 

But it does more than that. It interferes with the way young men are supposed to think and feel, what they’re socialized to think and feel. A boy can’t have feelings for another boy without being “gay” and that’s not supposed to happen, but that’s easy enough to work around. Just don’t date boys. But hold on a second! If the gender binary is thrown out and we accept the premise of trans women (as we should) this completely upends the system. Now they can’t judge people as men or women, with all the preconceived notions they have about both sexes, because just looking at a person no longer tells you what they are. And the misogynists cannot stand that. Because it prevents them from assigning people their designated role, and in doing so, it puts them in a place they fear. Now they can’t tell if the women they pursue are actually “men” or not. This is the infamous concept of the “trap.” Not only has led to trans women getting murdered, but historically, the “trans panic” defense actually held up in court! People committed literal hate crimes and got away with it. 

…Can you see why Trans women are not the real enemies here? You think they represent the demographic that has always preyed on you, but that’s simply not true. They’ve been turned into a scapegoat because the only solution bigotry could think of, to subjugate trans people and stop them from destroying the precious gender binary…was to sexualize their identities and try to paint them as predators. So the people who should be their allies will turn against them. And the TERF movement is proof that it worked. 

Like I said, I can’t make this journey for you. I may not even be able to convince you of anything I’ve written here. But if you’re wondering why TERFs are “canceled” this is why. Because, from where we’re standing, you’re fighting for the wrong side. The LGBT movement includes the “T.” Excluding any letter (and there are more, I’m just using the shorthand) goes against the entire spirit of what the movement is about in the first place. 

[dykenamicfield]

"Breaking Chains and Busting Myths: A Queer Guide to Inclusive Kink" So, I wrote this article two years ago while deep-diving into kink, queer history, and trying to figure out my own place in it all. What started as messy diary entries scribbled in the middle of the night turned into something I decided to clean up and share with the world.

Here is the polished version just as cheeky, just as real.

Alright, let's talk about kink, but not just any kink, let's dive into the kinky queer spaces where the leather’s tight, the safe words are sacred, and the inclusivity could use a little work. We’re here to figure out how to make these spaces as welcoming as a late night diner after a wild party where everyone’s invited, no matter who you are, what you look like, or how you get around.

First off, let’s address the elephant in the roomor should I say, the overly curious sub in the corner. Race. Yeah, I know, heavy stuff. But here’s the deal: kink should be about liberation, not recreating every problematic dynamic from the real world. If your idea of a good time involves racial stereotypes, you need to sit down and have a long chat with your inner dominatrix about why that’s not cool. And let’s be real, nothing kills the vibe faster than realizing you’re just another character in someone else’s outdated script.

Next up, gender. Let’s throw those old fashioned, binary gender roles right out the dungeon window, shall we? In kinky queer spaces, we should be celebrating the fact that gender is as fluid as the lube on the bedside table. But instead, we sometimes see folks trying to shove everyone back into the same tired categories. Newsflash: gender is a spectrum, not a box to check on a waiver. If you can’t handle that, you might need to reconsider your kinks because nothing says “killjoy” like a rigid binary mindset in a world built on breaking boundaries.

And then there’s disability. This is where things get real. Picture this: you’ve got your best gear on, you’re ready to roll, and then bam! you realise the dungeon isn’t accessible. Cue the world’s saddest tiny violin. The kink community prides itself on being open minded, so let’s make sure that openness includes more than just a metaphorical door. We’re talking ramps, accessible bathrooms, and the understanding that disabled folks can (and do) get down just like anyone else. Because nothing says “badass” like a community that ensures everyone, and I mean everyone, can get their freak on.

So how do we fix this? Easy: we listen, we learn, and we evolve. Ask yourself, “Am I being inclusive, or am I just playing dress-up in my own bubble of privilege?” If it’s the latter, it’s time to step it up. And for the love of all things kinky, stop treating people like they’re there to fulfill some tired fantasy. Respect, consent, and a sense of humor go a long way because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to have a good time.

Let’s make kinky queer spaces as diverse as our fantasies, as flexible as our rope skills, and as welcoming as a well equipped dungeon. Because when we get this right, everyone wins and isn’t that what kink is all about?

[realfactsnlogic]

In which I write this because this post is *genuinely* not good for Twitter’s word count…let alone Twitter itself

‪I saw a post about a trans woman sharing her thoughts about the doomposting by newly out or closeted trans women who tend to start off being insecure about passing and essentially hinge on the perceptions of strangers.

Me, not realizing I am a trans man commenting on a trans woman, I shared my thoughts, agreeing with what she said in her thread.

Someone saw my comment and said that while the fact that I’m a man commenting on a woman’s post was initially irritating, he checked my profile and saw that I’m like a parallel universe version of him.

At first, I didn’t know what to say. It felt like a compliment. Not backhanded, but not the superficial, hugboxing, ego-boosting kind either. It just felt “good.” Now that I’ve typed this out, I’m thinking…holy moly am I a masochist getting off to this kind of thing?

Digression aside, I get this logic. Trans men are men, and trans women are women, right? (Spoilers: yes, that is true, and nobody will change my mind on that.) I saw a tweet going around one time that said “trans men are the Men of this community” — of course some of the trans guys I’d see on the For You TL got upset about this, maybe some trans girls too. But despite being a chronic grass toucher due to my job, I somehow had a basic grasp the reasoning behind the belief.

The reasoning, in short terms: men suck. Especially of the white, cisgender, heterosexual kind. Or even any of those combinations of the three. So yes, I get it. I get the so-called “man hatred” online. I talk with feminists IRL, and call myself one, for the sake of all that’s holy. Of course I’d know what the patriarchy does to an mf.

I may be a man now, but as I settle into my 20’s, I’m still getting used to This Whole Being a Man Thing — I’m new to this concept about being perceived as…well, a man. To be a little bit more personal, I can be considered a “trans kid” or “trans youth” considering I came out when I was 13, but that can entail being raised in a pretty patriarchal environment. Still, my backstory doesn’t excuse the fact that I *do* hold privilege. *Acquired* male privilege, as I like to call it.

While trans men can be oppressed for being assigned female at birth (misogyny), oppressed on the basis of being trans (transphobia), we’re still men at the end of the day. And men (can) suck.

I really don’t want to bring race to this conversation, but if we’re gonna get intersectional: I an Asian trans man, was commenting on a white trans woman’s post. I’ll put the race thing on the table. Both of us have went through gender affirming medical care.

So when it comes to this thing about gender—this reinvented Gender War between trans girls and trans guys and non binary people — what takes precedence? I wish I had the answer aside from wanting everyone to hold hands and sing Kumbayah.

Maybe I should make my own thread one day, but I want my status being an open secret kind of thing. It’s being “Stealth Lite”.‬ My trans status should be known on a case by case basis. I consciously chose this, even if it was slightly motivated by fear of being mistreated for being trans. Yeah, that’s my passing privilege showing, but hey. I’m doing my best to use it to defend the people who lack it.

To any trans guy who finds this: fellas, i know it’s tough that people are realizing that “trans men are men. and since men suck, we should be including them” or whatever. I get it. It does hurt our egos when “trans men are men” is a phrase being used to mock the shitty nature of many (cis and mainly hetero) men. But we’re men, right? We straighten up, stiffen our upper lips and move on.

I know that last sentence is problematic. And to clarify, I don’t mean it sarcastically. But I hope you can understand what I meant to say.

To put it bluntly while also softening my “tough love” language: a lot of men, especially the cis and mainly hetero ones, tend to have fragile egos. This is especially applied to the trans men I’ve seen who have lived as men since they were in their teens.

When we see the complaints by trans women online, especially those of colour, and especially if you’re a white trans man reading those tweets—listen. Don’t get defensive. Learn something from your trans sisters.

i certainly will, and will continue to do so. check your privilege, including the ones you’ve acquired.

everyone has to. even me.

*drops the mic*

[gaymessriku]

Old issue at this point, but the American reception to Dragona Joestar really is emblematic of the remaking of the gender binary into a 'woke' version. As presented in the manga, Dragona is called Jodio's brother and uses he/him pronouns. He also has a stereotypically feminine appearance and has canonically had surgeries to achieve this.

It is of course important to understand this in the context of Araki's treatment of women in past chapters. And he has in fact repeated these tropes with Dragona. However, especially with any knowledge of how gender is seen in Japan, there is no reason to view his pronouns and presentation as unintended or inherently transphobic.

I have seen person after person use she/her or they/them when referring to him, not due to any textual support but their own confusion and discomfort. Dragona may be a binary trans woman, or a gnc man, or whatever the fuck his heart desires. That is irrelevant to his pronouns. The idea that he cannot possibly use or like he/him due to his presentation is incredibly restrictive and disrespectful.

Viewing pronouns as inherently tied to gender or presentation only rebrands transphobic ideas of gender being inherently tied to sex. It implies an inherent scale between 2 points of male and female which are tied to certain appearances and behaviors, and everyone falling somewhere on it. E.G. the idea of having to be a masc or fem aligned nonbinary, or stereotypically feminine traits in men causing jokes about how they're secretly trans women and don't realize it yet.

This is harmful to not only the people who fall outside these categories but also those who are comfortable within them. It perpetuates stereotypes in queer spaces that cause fear and ostracization. And it is completely ahistorical to the movement as a whole. Accepting gender as a construct means both acknowledging the utility and weight of its signifiers in a personal and societal context, while also releasing yourself and others from the obligations thereof.

A trans man and a butch lesbian can look or act exactly the same and that makes them no less different or authentic in their existence. Promoting men wearing skirts or makeup while simultaneously viewing them as less their gender is hypocritical and still presents maleness as a default that femininity and womanhood is an aberration or change to. Saying you support trans people and gender nonconformity is incongruous with assigning certain traits to certain genders.

It is of course entirely possible that Araki has some level of misunderstanding or ill intent in his representation of Dragona. It is also possible that his identity or pronouns will change over the course of the manga. However, as currently presented, that is what he wants and is comfortable with. As a reader, in the same way you wouldn't misgender someone who doesn't fit your standards for presentation in real life it should also be applied to characters. This is not a matter of personal headcanon but the material as it is presented.

I'm not attributing intent or malice to those who do this. It is very much not about accusations of queerphobia or inciting self flagellation. This is about explaining how these actions are harmful and what they perpetuate. It is an invitation to think about how you view these categories and apply them to the world, even subconsciously.

It is not a sin to be wrong. It is not a sin to not have the perfect enlightened ideas inside and out. We all have biases, and they take time to identify and account for. Part of having moral and ethical principles is recognizing your own flaws in these areas. That is always the first step to understanding and improvement.

And of course I'm not a perfect being either, so contributions, criticism, or questions are very much welcome. Community is based on shared values and identity but also the ability to keep an open mind. We all have pieces of the world and the only way to get a better picture is sharing them.

[morg-among-the-stars]

How My Views and Thoughts Were Skewed and How I Un-Skewed Them (Read tags before reading, please.)

For a short time, I felt wanted. I thought I was loved.

You said I was hot and that you thought often about railing me, whatever that meant.

I thought that’s what desire was.

During the rare times I truly felt confident in myself to wear something that showed the tiniest bit of cleavage or my thighs, you’d tell me that you had a boner (which never made sense, considering you were non-binary and didn’t have… those parts, but who was I to discredit however you saw yourself and your gender?)

You were utterly obsessed with porn and that funneled down to me. You told me you’d tie me up so vigorously that it could break my wrists and you said you’d choke me so hard that it would kill me.

I just thought, “Well, some people are kinky.” and excused it. Rationalized it. But my gut and my body knew better, fear wrecked me. The idea of lying under such crude and uncaring hands wrecked my soul and make me ill.

You’d watch unethical porn and it would get into your mind and funnel down to me. But you had rules; I couldn’t ever try to seek out something like that myself, even when I knew how to find ethical and morally-sound adult things. That was, “being lustful”, sinning after others as you called it. I’ve never even believed in God, but I didn’t want to make you mad.

When we broke up, you called me a whore and a slut, when I’d never done a single thing wrong. I followed your rules (What relationship has rules? Who are you to strictly tell me what I can and cannot do?) and went along with every violating, grotesque thing you talked about doing to me, and I let you shove me into the hard-set box of being your submissive, delicate thing to use and the mere notion that I could have some control or say was always, always brushed off.

But I’ve learned that I’m not supposed to want to vomit at the thought of sex.

I’ve learned that sometimes, showing my thighs is just that, showing my thighs or cleavage or a bit of my stomach. I like shorts in the summer and the occasional crop-top. I’m allowed to wear it and just have it be a cute outfit.

I’ve learned that sex is supposed to be warm. Pleasurable and fun, of course, but warm and intimate mostly.

Where it’s never railing, but lovemaking or just the word sex. I prefer the word sex over anything you’d ever say.

Where there’s a mentioning of aftercare and where there’s a mutual agreement to communicate and truly listen to what the other person wants to do or try.

Where I’m allowed to say no.

It’s taken so long to not freeze up at the mentioning of sex, to open up again and not feel vile when I have sexual thoughts or fantasies of my own. It’s taken so much mental work and re-wiring of my thoughts.

But I’m learning. I’m still learning. I’m learning and working hard to shake off the bitter, violating taste that you left in my mouth.

There’s still a long road ahead of healing and communicating. Helping my partner (who actually gives two shits about my boundaries…) to understand me and to help them in any way I can, in return.

It’s a long road ahead but it’s a road I can take to dispose of all your true sins. You call me the sinner, when you should take a good, long look at yourself.

[dhampiravidi]

terms of usage: bio sexes, genders & sexuality

I feel like (if you focus on people who are legitimately confused and/or worried about how queer history/theory would impact the safety of those growing up), if we just got people to understand the differences btwn BIOLOGICAL SEX & GENDERS & SEXUALITY we'd get so much done. I know Some People don't want anyone to be educated (literacy rate & creativity who?) but...that's dumb.

BIOLOGICAL SEX (what you were physically born as): there's 3 of these -> male, female, intersex. Like when people say "the male of the species" referring to the creature that makes sperm.

GENDERS (how you present so that society views you a certain way): there's several & some people's fluctuate, so we simply say -> gender is a spectrum-based thing; may include "___man", "___woman", genderfluid, agender, non-binary. I put a space because this is typically where people put "cis" or "trans" to specify if their gender tends to correlate/not interfere* with their biological sex.

SEXUALITY (who you want to fuck & sometimes also who you want a romance w/depending on how specific you want to be): lots of these, but you've probably heard -> lesbian, gay, queer, bisexual, pansexual, polygamous, polyandrous, bisexual demiromantic, asexual, aromantic, heterosexual, homosexual.

I hope this was well-written & that it helps someone who's been indoctrinated into heteronormative/homophobic/transphobic society to open their eyes & mind.

*I apologize if "interfere" doesn't seem like the word I should be using. I don't mean to offend anyone, I just wasn't sure what other word I should use, because someone can identify as trans w/o wanting or having gender affirmation/surgical reassignment surgery OR hormone replacement therapy.

[mineofilms]

duos trilineum nummum

This BLOG came from two sources: 1) Dialog with a friend about her journey to un-Christianity herself and her reasoning for leaving not just this faith-based standard but ALL-OF-THEM. 2) I have been having dialogs with ChatGBT about the inconsistencies and fallacies of the Christian faith and the Bible in general. This BLOG serves as a starting point for that discussion while continuing my probe into binary information systems and what they are and why they severely hinder spiritual/societal/social growth in the Human species as a whole.

“Young people raised to believe that God is in charge are much harder for the government to control as they grow up. They won’t worship the government. But by contrast, as a child is raised to be a narcissist; someone who thinks, ‘I could change my gender.’ he will grow up, confused, weak, and reliant on the people in charge of the state. It's a very simple principle. It's why the Mullah’s Government went after the Tibetan monks. Anyone who sincerely believes in God is a threat and that is the measure of the free country in the end. Are you allowed to believe that there is an authority higher than the people in charge of your Government? That is always been the hallmark of America. Religious liberty; it's in the first amendment.” 'Tucker Carlson Tonight. 3/2/2023'

What is a FACT:

“But the Bible's true because it says it's true, because it's been accepted as the truth for generations, because some events described match historical events in other texts, because God is perfect and therefore his word is perfect and without error.” ~ glamcat

This quote is similar to something I just said in another message to another person on a different topic, but yet closely associated with this… Breaking down what a “real” and “fact” actually are and why “anyone” saying “air quotes, ‘FACTS’” doesn’t make what they just said a “real” and “fact.” “They say” the bible is based on truth, but we know what “truth” and “facts” actually are based on and when we associate that to the bible we find out that most if not all the “facts” labeled in the bible are based on a foundation of belief, not fact. Facts are based on/from the scientific community, which is now completely independent from most religions. This now, very well-established practice, of what a fact is, directly contradicts what the bible stands for, TRUTH...

“Maybe God just works in mysterious ways.” Maybe it isn’t God or a god at all; “perhaps” something, a being of sorts, an entity, that latches onto concepts like this to either communicate or invade our minds. Perhaps for food/sustenance or other purposes. Maybe… This is just as plausible as it being a real God. We say we know stuff cause of science, but our science is incomplete, just like our understanding of religion and the bible. Reality itself is open for interpretation and since there is no other self-aware/intelligent beings around to bounce ideas off of we are stuck with our own imaginations.

The Atheist and the Agnostic:

Even though we have thoroughly defined the differences it should be stated that an atheist is someone who does not believe in the existence of a God or gods, while an agnostic is someone who is unsure or uncertain about the existence of a God or gods. Atheists typically hold the belief that there is no evidence for the existence of a God or gods, and therefore see no reason to believe in them. They may also argue that the concept of God is contradictory or incompatible with scientific evidence and rational thought. Agnostics, on the other hand, acknowledge that there may be a God or gods, but they do not claim to know for sure. They may see the question of God's existence as being inherently unknowable or beyond the scope of human understanding. Agnostics may also be skeptical of organized religion, but may not necessarily reject the idea of a higher power altogether. In these definitions, I tend to lean more as an agnostic than an atheist, but also feels atheism has grounds on the impossibility of a God or gods.

Binary Thinking and the MATRIX:

I feel the first two and the newest Matrix movies explain this so well. That whatever it/they are that control this flow of information pertaining to religion and the one God creation myth, and it is a myth; that they do not care if you love the Jesus being or the Satan being, but you must embrace one. Either side cannot exist without the other. Either side cannot agree/disagree on which is right/wrong. Either one cannot fathom one existing without the other or even fathom their own existence in their belief as false.

That is why I feel it is ok to flip/flop between Atheist and Agnostic. If we are talking specifically Christianity and/or the Christian God over a-god-like-being or beings. My reasoning behind Christianity is very close to the same as “I’m neither a democrat nor a republican.” Binary information systems are only logical if both sides of the coin keep believing one side is right/good and the other is wrong/bad. Once you eliminate that as the-be-all-end-all it is very easy to see a triangle as a pyramid, a sphere rather than a circle, and/or the puppet master pulling the strings of the coin’s favor. Is it a heads or tails? No other options exist! What do we know about that? It is never that simple nor will it ever be, but we still play the pretend game and forget that God is an imaginary friend for grownups.

People ask me all the time what side I am on. I am on the side of logic… Bad answer if ones’ believe good/bad, right/wrong exist as the only choices. That if you eliminate Human Beings then the concept of Good and/or Evil no longer even exists in the Universe, from a Human's point of view. Evil only exists in nature because humans exist. The same can go for good. Take humans out of the equation then nature exists as it is, unfiltered and everything tends to make sense in that Universe.

Hypothetically; what if we messed up the math and the Sun won’t turn into a red giant in five billion years engulfing the Earth and turning it to gas. Nothing will survive, not even our iron core. What if five billion years was five years? Now if this happened would this be an act of good or evil? It’s God’s will, right? So why is God destroying all life on Earth and the Earth itself? From human’s point of view all life on Earth and the Earth itself is all the life in the known Universe, as we actually have no evidence of life outside of Earth. Again, remove humans, now there is no one here to label this thing good/evil. Is it still an act of good or evil? It must be one of these if we follow the ideology.

This has always stumped people I have talked to about this. Just like politics; one asks a serious question and gets a very runaround answer that can be applied to just about anything or everything, doesn’t make much logical sense, and never at any time was the answer of the question actually presented. It is a simple answer. Is it an act of good or evil?

You apply man (humans) to the equation and see what we have now? Unbalanced, confusion, good, evil, love, hate, codependency, clichés, delusional, deteriorating, emergence, entropy, erratic, hubris, kugelblitz, narcissists, sociopathy, pariahs, pseudoscience, body dysmorphia, gender dysmorphia, identity dysmorphia, dysmorphia and lack of understanding. The Indians, the Vikings, had a better sense of existence than modern-day man does...

Humans wrote the bible. If those humans really believed their words, motivations for writing the words were from God, we, us, regular folk, will never know. We have to trust in non-facts and belief. I say non-facts because belief is not a measurement of making a theory or belief a fact. It is in there, sure, at the theory stage, but just because one or many believe a thing to be real and/or true doesn’t really make said thing real/true. We, us, humans, decide what is good and what is evil. Now we have never agreed on what a fact is and that is clear since this WOKE shit happened.

Cancel Culture and the Reclassification of Language:

Definitions should only change if we revisit a concept that is called ‘a fact, based on belief,’ but then we applied the scientific method to how beliefs/theories are converted from that to real facts. If we learn something new from that revisit and prove we were wrong that the belief does not in-fact equal fact then we can redefine a thing. We cannot redefine a thing because we want to redefine a thing. That is what WOKE teaches… Does not require any other effort whatsoever other than belief to make it real. Christianity also tends to share this belief across its core teachings.

You cannot question politics without questioning the belief structure it is based on. You cannot question faith without questioning the foundations it is built upon. The more we look into these things with a logical mind. A mind that is inquisitive like Mister Spock or Data from Star Trek. When one sees binary in terms of logic you can see where/when/how/why it can be acceptable in some cases, but in other cases it severely hinders spiritual/societal/social growth in Humans. We try to look at politics and religion in modern terms and they do not make any sense for the present and what is happening, now. Yet, here we are. This shit is still being projected onto us like a codependent relationship with a narcissist and we have all been there before and no one wants to be there again, but people settle. They would rather be comfortable with being miserable than making those hard choices and putting in the work. I will say this again… They would rather be comfortable with being miserable than making those hard choices and putting in the work. If one tries to grow faster than society will want us to. We may find that a lonely place, but the few we have close to us will be worth it and probably be more beneficial and enduring than being a part of this WOKE cancer…

Last year I wrote a blog about why 2D thinking can be bad and I used Star Trek II to describe it. When Khan attacks the Enterprise: “He is intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking.” ~ Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, 1982 – In reference, to Khan’s military strategy in ship-to-ship combat. A man of the 1990s, hyper-intelligent, but doesn’t understand that one can fight ship-to-ship combat on a plane with three and four dimensions, as Khan’s inexperience in ship-to-ship combat looks as if he is playing an RPG on a flat surface, like a board game. Spock says; “two-dimensional thinking,” which translates to; Two-dimensional thinking implies concepts that are flat or only partially representative of the whole. Three-dimensional thinking implies the first part of 2D thinking conjoined with intersecting dimensions rendering a deeper field of meaning. A triangle as a pyramid, a ball/sphere rather than a circle. Kirk proves this when the Enterprise drops below Reliant, then rises up to be behind her, as the Enterprise unloads a barrage of phaser shots and completely renders the ship powerless. Khan finally understands his mistake and his last ditch effort for revenge is to detonate the Genesis device in hopes the explosion will destroy both ships. Kirk and crew survive, but lose Spock to self-sacrifice to save the ship. alta versus brevis

Conceptual Awareness:

This whole scene demonstrates a paradigm shift in logic-practitioning from 2D conceptual awareness to 3D and 4D conceptual awareness. In this scene, it is like boom, boom, boom with these possibilities and the choices made. We gotta dump this binary, flat, 2D thinking as a normal part of the decision-making process. Binary choices have their place, but they should not be the main, normal, used all-of-the-time ways to find answers to problems. To those that hold onto faith as a be-all-end-all of decision-making, I never have the expectation my words will change their mind. I know they won’t, but not because of “my words,” but more their slavery or loyalty to the faith. Albert Einstein said; “Never stop asking questions.” Faith/Religion says, “shhhhhhhhhhhhh, its God’s will.” Well, what about my will or our will? You cannot base a fact, a real fact on faith and/or belief alone. There must be real, tangible things, associated to the concept to make it real and that is where this all comes from. What can you prove to exist and what you can only believe to exist, but cannot give any proof of said concept’s existence to begin with…

If we were more like the Vulcans and lived our lives based on logic instead of faith/belief then perhaps we would have dismissed all religions for what they are. ‘Good for some, but let’s not get too crazy here as to what is real and what isn’t.’ If religion gives a person peace, great for them. If they twist that inner peace and say, ‘all must obey to this or else,’ the message has been lost. If God is real, God would be way above human ethics, human sense, yet, we see pettiness, we see things in the book that kind of say; ‘man, this God fellow sounds like a silly little narcissist and needs a good slap in the face…’

People still feel they need to belong to something, some ideology, a group. Joe Rogan says it all the time about tribalism. One of the things the WOKE saw and ran with it. People want to belong so bad you see young minors making huge claims based on almost nothing, all so they can get attention, likes, hearts and be accepted by some group, any group. You see this in politics all the time now. This is why the Florida gov’t is working very hard to try and get all this gender identity stuff sorted in a way that protects young impressionable minds like this. No one here in Florida is saying do not be trans, do not be gay, do not be drag or whatever. The bill is to protect young minors from using things like this for these purposes. No one is saying if one is born a man and they want to be a woman they cannot go and do that. What they are saying is, be an adult about it, be of sound mind, make good judgments, seek Doctors of both gender reassignment and mental health officials to make sure one is of sound body/mind. The only way we currently make that understood is by making them adults first. To be an adult one must be 18 legal years of age. That is all I am saying with that. Probably a poor example and would need its own thread to discuss but you can see where this is all going and where it stems from. Faith/belief is terrible when trying to make really big and bold choices, which should be available to all that live in the USA. As I said during all this communication. You cannot base a fact merely on belief/faith alone. One or more must have that tangible real thing to hold up and show everyone or it won’t be considered real to the people that still hold onto what reality actually is and means.

People were more gullible in biblical times, sure, but only because they based facts on belief over proving the belief to be true/real. People are still like this today, but replace ‘belief as fact’ with ‘if it is on the INTERNET then its real/true’. When the peoples’ that created the faith/book planned this out its attributes are like that of "von Neumann architecture." It has the ability to spread itself on its own with little to no help from nature itself to help populate the concept. That isn’t the best definition here, but I am defining this based on how it can be applied to how the belief in religion spreads like a virus. Off topic; but AI is Hubris or will be; a species of mental illness that is defined by the delusion that causes people to mistake themselves for god. They imagine they have power, wisdom, foresight, insight and superpowers. They can never be wrong. They float between Sociopathy and Narcissist. A Hubris personality are unwell. They are crazy. There’s nothing more dangerous than that. Many involved in politics, and religion can be labeled as Hubris…

Being a skeptic or someone who needs more from the fact gathering process to deem a thing real in our reality within the confines of Christianity can be deadly. The creators again embedded the answer in their description. Skeptics are to be turned or burned and history shows that is exactly what Christianity has done in and around the last 5,000 years on Earth. The second humans were left to their own vices and had the power along with the faith to back it, humans ability to prosper, grow and move forward as a society has slowed down, even with the technological growth of the past 75 years. We have moved forward more in the past 75 years than we have in the last 2000 years thanks to the microprocessor.

duos trilineum nummum Latin for: two-sided coin by David-Angelo Mineo 3/25/2023 2,940 Words

[undercoveravenger]

Terms and Conditions

Pairing: Jaskier x GN!Reader

Requested: Yes

Request: “could you write a fic about an ace non binary/gender neutral reader meeting Jaskier and having adventures together + slow burn and best friends to lovers sorta thing? I think it’d be really cute if the reader was scared of telling Jaskier how they feel because they’ve never been in love/dated anyone before (speaking from experience lol) but when they finally confess Jaskier’s just like “why the fuck didn’t you say so sooner, I’ve been in love with you from day one” and he gets all flustered and cute when the reader flirts with him/shows him affection❤️”

-----

As a witcher, you were no stranger to late nights and early mornings, but that didn’t mean you’d ever really be accustomed to your best friend waking you up at some god-awful hour of the morning.

“Come on, come on, come on,” Jaskier exclaimed frantically as he burst into your room at the inn the two of you had chosen to stop at, hurriedly crossing the room to shove at your shoulder. “We need to leave immediately!”

He relented when a groggy groan escaped you and you sat up, moving instead to gather your things into your pack and bring your boots to your bedside for you.

“What’s wrong this time, Jask?” you asked blearily, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you pulled on your boots.

Jaskier looked up from where he was crouched by your bag, “You know that woman I was with last night?” When you nodded he continued with his story, “Well, her husband came back and, needless to say, he was less than pleased to see me. So we should go very quickly because he was right behind me.”

You huffed out a laugh, ignoring the sharp stab of hurt at the thought of Jaskier with someone else. “Have you ever considered that your life would be in substantially less danger if you chose to stop sleeping with married people and settled down with someone?”

He gave a sarcastic laugh, though he grinned a little when you pushed yourself to your feet and slung your bag over your shoulder anyway. “Yes, well, that would be far easier if the only person I’ve had genuine feelings for shared that interest.”

You raised an eyebrow curiously, though Jaskier ignored your probing questions as he led you cautiously down to the main floor of the inn to return your keys and then out to the stables for your horses. “Have you told this person how you feel about them?” “Of course not,” he said, finally giving in to your questioning. He gave you an odd look as he pulled himself up onto his horse. “I am… decidedly not their type.”

You remained quiet as you mounted your horse, lost in thought as you considered who exactly might be the unknowing bearer of your friend’s heart. Certainly none of the lords or ladies he’d fucked his way through throughout the time you’d been traveling together; he never spoke of any of them after spending the night with them and hardly ever remembered their names. Really, the only person he’d ever spoken fondly to you about had been…

Well now, that really made too much sense. You nodded to yourself, now certain that the bard was in love with his former traveling companion; a white-haired witcher by the name of Geralt. You’d heard the dozens of songs that Jaskier had written about the witcher and his adventures, and he’d told you enough stories that his fondness was easy to see. And with what you’d heard about Geralt’s exploits with a mage named Yennefer and the women of the towns they passed through, you could understand why Jaskier didn’t think he was the witcher’s type. With all that in mind, you understood why he wouldn’t want to say anything.

Hell, you couldn’t judge; it wasn’t like you were planning on saying anything to Jaskier about your own feelings anytime soon.

-----

Eventually you pulled your horse to a stop when you judged that the two of you were far enough from town to be safe from slighted husbands, and Jaskier followed suit. You opened your mouth to say something, but stopped when the faint sound of bells chiming caught your ears. Your brows furrowed and you slid down from your horse, tying off your reins to the branches of a nearby tree before turning and making your way into the treeline.

You could hear Jaskier scrambling noisily through the brush behind you, though your attention remained focused on the small figure sitting crouched at the bank of the murky lake ahead of you, partially obscured by the trees.Your hand fell to the hilt of your sword and you noiselessly drew it from its sheath as you approached the child.

“You’re quite far from home,” you said, eyes locked on the creature as you stopped, gaze not wavering even as Jaskier came crashing into the clearing behind you. “And I suspect you’ve caused a lot of trouble for a great many people.”

The young girl turned to look at you, blond curls tumbling over her shoulder with the movement. She cocked her head as she noticed the blade leveled on her, “I suppose you mean to make me go home?”

“I do,” you replied firmly, “Though I’d prefer it be by your choice rather than force.”

Jaskier puts a hand on your shoulder, leaning forward to speak softly to you, “She’s just a little girl, is the sword really necessary?”

A wry smile crossed your features and your grip tightened on the hilt of your sword until your knuckles went white, “Except it isn’t a little girl, is it?”

The creature let out a delighted laugh and its glamour fell away; fair skin fading to a dark ash gray and brilliant green eyes being consumed by the darkness of the pupils until there was nothing but black left. The curl of the hair straightened and silvered, falling as easily as snow on a winter’s morning. “You’ve good instincts, witcher. He’d have been dead without you,” it said, gesturing at Jaskier.

“You’ve a decent glamour, fae,” you acknowledged, sheathing your sword. It’s visible amusement had you convinced that you weren’t actively in danger. “However, I still cannot allow you to remain.”

It nodded thoughtfully, “I would not be opposed to returning to my court, though I will not do so without payment.”

“What would you deem adequate?” you asked, knowing you’d have to make an iron-clad agreement to lock in a faerie.

It made a thoughtful noise, tapping its too-long fingers together, “You’ve caught me in a good mood, so I will agree to return home to my court and leave this town undisturbed for the foreseeable future in exchange for some…” Its eyes flickered between you and Jaskier once more and a sly grin formed across its lips, “Entertainment. A secret will do.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in disbelief; everything you’d ever heard told you that the fae would rake you across the coals in any deal they made, but a secret? It sounded too easy. “Just a secret, huh?”

“Yes,” it confirmed with a nod, “I quite wonder what a witcher such as yourself might value as much as your most private secret.” Their eyes locked onto Jaskier once more, and their grin grew predatory, “Tell me, how do you truly feel about your companion?”

The faerie’s question had you blanching, tensing under the weight of Jaskier’s baffled stare. You were half tempted to lie, to say he meant nothing more to you than a brother might, but you knew that would void the terms of your deal. You steeled yourself, closing your eyes as you forced yourself to speak. “I’m in love with him.”

Jaskier’s shocked gasp echoed through the clearing behind you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to turn and look at him, instead keeping your gaze fixed on the faerie and its smug smile as it vanished into thin air.

Twigs and leaves crunched under Jaskier’s boots as he moved to stand in front of you. “You… love me?”

You couldn’t meet his gaze, instead keeping your eyes fixed on the far bank of the lake as you nodded.

“Oh, thank fuck,” he said, not even giving you a chance to respond before he was taking your face in his hands and surging forward to kiss you. He pulled away after a moment, smiling brightly at you, “Why the hell didn’t you say something sooner? I’ve been in love with you since literally the first time I met you!”

For a long moment you struggled to process what you’d just heard, but as it set in an embarrassed flush spread over your cheeks, much to Jaskier’s amusement. “I didn’t think that- You seemed interested in anyone but me!”

“I didn’t want you to break my heart!” Jaskier huffed, stealing another quick kiss.

You rolled your eyes at the very thought, but you couldn’t help but smile at the thought that this would now be a regular occurrence. You supposed that every now and then a faerie’s deal could have good results.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Andrew Ford was questioned and fetishized when he came out as bisexual. The gay community insisted he wasn’t being honest with himself; women at clubs started to excitedly fantasize about hooking up with two guys at the same time.

All the while, the soccer standout stayed true to himself. Ford came out his freshman year at Malone University, a small Christian liberal arts college in Canton, Ohio — home of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. His friends and teammates were accepting, which was an incredible relief. But his journey into the LGBTQ community was a little more rocky.

“I got a lot of pressure from the gay community,” Ford told me recently on the phone. “I felt like I was misunderstood, and didn’t know who I was.”

Ford is one of an increasing number of openly bisexual college-aged athletes whom we’ve profiled recently on Outsports. Despite some surveys showing more Americans identify as bisexual than either gay or lesbian, there is a dearth of bi visibility in pop culture and sports.

As bi sportswriter Jeff Rueter challenged me: “name a bisexual man, and don’t say Frank Ocean.”

These kick-ass kids are going to change that.

Biphobia is real

Let’s start here: Biphobia is real. It manifests itself in gestures as seemingly fleeting as dismissive jokes, and actions as harrowing as outright physical violence. Bisexual people typically suffer significantly higher rates of depression and anxiety, domestic violence, sexual assault, and poverty than lesbians, gay men, or straight cisgender people, according to the Human Rights Campaign.

A black-and-white society, most of us grow up with the notion people are either straight or gay. Those attitudes have historically prevailed in the LGBTQ community, too.

Alex Keuroghlian, the Director of the National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center at the Fenway Institute, says bisexual people can be looked at skeptically.

“Within LGBTQIA+ communities, there has historically been a stigma toward bisexual people, and the false notion that they’re really gay and lesbian people who haven’t accepted that about themselves,” he said.

Megan Duthart, a rower at Washington State University who identifies as both bi and queer, has experienced the stigma first-hand. She says she thinks bisexual people are often excluded in the LGBTQ community.

“I’ve struggled a little bit with being identified as an ‘other’ in the community with the term ‘bisexuality,’” she said.

Why are bi people targeted for erasure?

More people are identifying as bisexual. Over three percent of U.S. adults say they’re bi, according to the 2018 General Social Survey. That’s three times the number as 2008.

And yet, bi people are still targeted for erasure. One of the ways it happens is through language. When people see same-sex couples, for example, they may be inclined to label them as “gay” or “lesbian,” without considering that one or both of the people could identity as bi.

While Americans’ attitudes about sexuality are evolving, many still adhere to more binary definitions of sexual orientation. A recent YouGov poll found 41 percent of American adults don’t think sexuality is a spectrum (conversely, 37 percent think it is).

As Ford puts it, bisexuality is stereotypically viewed as “the stepping stone stage.” That ties into one of the more insidious aspects of bi-erasure: the belief that it’s just a phase. It’s a line Ford recalls hearing many times, from both men and women.

“(Gay men) said, ‘I came out as bisexual first. It’s just a phase, you won’t be there long,’” Ford said. “I was also scared how women would think about it. They wanted to change me. Some of them wanted to use it as a thrill they were seeking.”

When professional hockey player Zach Sullivan came out as bi, his father told him it meant he was still making up his mind.

“I remember what my dad said when I told him,” Sullivan said. “‘Well, you aren’t all the way there. You haven’t really decided.’ I was like, ‘no, I know I’m attracted to both genders. I’m not halfway towards coming out as gay.’”

The bi burden

Every LGBTQ person can relate to the fear and anxiety of coming out. But for most of us, once we do it, it’s over.

That’s not the case for bi people.

“We have to keep coming out to our significant others, whether it’s a man or a woman,” Ford said. “If you’re gay and you start dating a gay, you’re not going to be like, ‘I have to tell you something: I’m gay.’ They’re going to be like, ‘no shit.’”

And once bi people do come out, they could get charged with being greedy — the sexual equivalent of having their cake and eating it, too. The insult angers Sullivan.

“The majority of people in the LGBT+ community have struggled with their sexuality, and when they finally become comfortable enough to come out in the open with their sexuality, I don’t think the first thing to say to someone who’s come out as bisexual is they’re greedy,” Sullivan said. “I took over 10 years to get to where I am.”

Duthart finds the concept of bisexuality can be difficult to explain. She largely identifies as queer.

“I’ve had coaches question whether I’m rebelling or going through a phase,” she said. “Then when I explain the whole queer aspect, they’re like, ‘Oh, OK. That seems more justified.’ I don’t want to have to justify those things, but I sort of have to.”

Changing attitudes

Jack Storrs came out as bisexual last year as a college football captain. His teammates at Pomona-Pitzer rallied around him, and wore Pride decals on their helmets.

But even some who were supportive suggested he was on his way to identifying as gay. Storrs said he couldn’t hide his feelings for men anymore, and came out because he wanted to explore.

Maybe he was gay, maybe he wasn’t. The questions didn't bother him. He was a relieved to have the dialogue.

“It was killing me on the inside,” Storrs said. “It got to the point where I was like, ‘screw it.’ This is who I am, and this was meant to be.”

Nowadays, Storrs says he’s more towards the “gay end of the spectrum,” and expects the fluidity to continue.

He’s cool with that, and numbers show his peers are, too. Generation Z is among the most progressive and diverse in U.S. history. A 2018 study from Ipsos Mori shows only 66 percent of young people today identify exclusively as heterosexual.

Young people have a better understanding of how sexuality can evolve, says Keuroghlian.

“There’s been less of a reflex to box people in, and categorize people in ways that could be static,” he said. “A key part of all of this is not projecting behavior or projecting attraction. People tell us — they self-identify that’s who they are. And we have to honor that.”

Visibility challenges misperceptions

But to get back to Rueter’s question: can you name a famous out bisexual person besides Frank Ocean?

It’s challenging, and the lack of bi visibility may be one of the biggest contributors towards bi-erasure. But that is changing. Each person who comes out as bisexual has the ability to change perceptions within their own communities — and many young athletes are.

Bri Tollie, a bisexual college basketball player at Southern Methodist University, wrote in her coming-out story she refuses to conform.

“It is important to be visible because everyone is unique,” she wrote. “Our uniqueness means no one should not have to give up a part of themselves to conform. It is called self-respect.”

Growing up, Storrs tried to shut off his attraction to guys. He told himself it wasn’t a big deal, but the angst became all-encompassing.

Storrs is done hiding any part of himself. He did that for far too long, and is now out for all to see.

“I am bisexual, and my point is, I don’t really give a shit what anybody else thinks,” Storrs said. “This is who I am, and I don’t have to figure it out, but the reason I’m coming out is to figure it out, or at least get to a point where I’m comfortable.”

With their stories, these young bi athletes are making it more comfortable for bi people every single day.

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning

Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.

This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.

So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.

Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.

So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.

1. Safety is everything.

Always no matter what.

A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"

If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.

If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.

2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.

There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.

Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.

3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.

A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...

Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.

4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.

If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.

5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!

It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!

I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.

Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!

Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.

6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.

If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.

Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.

I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.

And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.

I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.

I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.

Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.

To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.

7. Next the scientific method.

Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.

It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.

8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.

For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.

It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.

It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.

In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.

We should be grateful for our allies.

9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.

If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.

Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.

Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.

10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"

The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.

Always pick the one that calls out to you.

And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!

And with that, I conclude my fourth part!

I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

i know you’ve been open about your opinions on nonbinary genders but it’s still disappointing. like, that r/agender anon… how do you know that these people are cis? how do you know if all of these people are dysphoric or not? it’s such a huge generalization to make. did it ever occur to you that most agender people aren’t comfortable as EITHER gender? i just don’t understand why you’re so dismissive to the experiences of nb people. i really don’t. i’m a binary trans guy and it makes total sense to me how gender is more complicated than “man or woman”.

Listen. When someone tells me the reason they don't identify as a girl is because they don't like makeup, or because they didn't enjoy Barbie's growing up, or maybe because they don't feel comfortable wearing revealing clothes like they see other girls do. And they use that to claim they are trans-- ya I'm gonna question it. Cuz those are all gender roles. I loved Barbie's growing up, so did my cisgender little brother. Had a cisgender friend, and she hated them. Same thing with makeup. The clothes one is the only one that really holds any value. But your assumption should be to first explore if it's body dysmorphia or being uncomfortable because of objectification.

There are hundreds of reasons why someone would feel uncomfortable in their body that have nothing to do with being trans. And anyone who's immediately reaction to any of those reasons is to say it must be gender dysphoria or say they're trans is gonna get a hard pass from me. You gotta rule out the other stuff first. Same goes for anyone who describes being trans as a "feeling." Cuz there is no way to "feel like a women/man." You just are what you are and the disconnect will manifest in various ways.

I'm not actually opposed to nonbinary at all. And I've said so before in my posts. My issue is that the ones that claim that nonbinary is apart of the trans community ALSO explain it as a feeling. Describing issues that stem from gender roles not gender itself. Things that would be solved if we lived in a society where gender roles didn't exist. And that harms trans people a lot.

There i already a big misunderstanding of what it means to be trans. A lot of people think that it ties into gender roles. But it has nothing to do with them at all. If the world was perfectly equal in terms of gender, and there were no gender roles, I would still be trans.

What I hear a lot of nb people talk about is things that would be solved by pushing for social change. But instead they just create a new gender and call it a day. That doesn't fix anything. If you don't feel like a women because you want to be able to wear and look however you want without the judgement and social stereotypes that come with being a women that's 100% understandable. The solution however, is not to separate yourself from women but to work towards getting rid of that social stigma. So you can be yourself and be stressed about it.

I have yet to see any nb people (afab or amab) describe their experiences in ways that actually sound like their talking about gender instead of gender roles. I really don't mind and even support the idea of nb if it was actually about gender itself and the physical body. But every reason I'm shown looks like it's related to social issues and then described as being trans (which feels like a big slap in the face) or they describe body dysmorphia instead of gender dysmorphia (which points towards body shaming issues NOT transgender).

I'm not gonna tell someone what they are or aren't. I'm a firm believer that everyone has to come to their own realizations of who they are on their own in their own time. The only time you should share your opinion is if they ask for it. But that doesn't mean you can't talk about the harm that a special issue or label has. I'm not singling anyone out. I'm just talking about the very very common problems that I find with nonbinary people as a whole.