#we need to talk about her more i fear
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one of my roman empires is beatrix potter because everyone knows she wrote the peter rabbit books but no one talks about how she studied lichens and fungi and was deeply involved in mycology like we wouldn’t know a lot about lichens without her
#beatrix potter#peter rabbit#women in science#shes so cool ive been crazy about her since i was 8#we need to talk about her more i fear
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barbara trying to integrate cass into civilian life via boys and reading when all she had to do was sign her up for amateur rugby
#social with a backdrop of something shed likely be quite good at (<- happy to expand on why i think rugby specifically would be a good spor#for her)#like talking to people is (fucking surprise) not something that comes super naturally to her#and when interactions go badly it can feed into her more general fears of inadequacy#i think adding a physical aspect that can in a way satisfy her need to be 'good' at all times takes the edge off a bit#flimsy evidence: one of the times we see her most at ease socially (with strangers) is the issue of batgirl with the party and dancing#she can do physical! shes great at it! it simultaneously tells her a lot about the people shes with whilst adding a second part to#interactions that comes more innately to her#cassandra cain#.log
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seeing non-black people critique rick's portrayal of black characters is interesting sometimes. only like 30% of the critiques I see make any sense to me to be honest
#“rick made carter be an elvis presley fan that's fucked up!” is a real thing I just read#do you think black people can't enjoy elvis even though he appropriated black culture for personal gain#boy you would not like what I have to tell you about eminem. or kpop. or anything else bc black culture has been#appropriated by like everyone forever. are black people not allowed to enjoy iggy or ariana or billie or [the list goes on]#I myself am not biracial but I /mostly/ like carter and sadie (specifically carter who isn't white-passing) as black representation#the part where carter feels indignant that he has to hold himself to a higher standard because the world is harsher on black boys#did genuinely resonate with me when I first read that part as a child and it still does to this day#can we talk about how rick knows nothing about black hair instead#or how hazel is from the jim crow era and seems to not have one single thought about race in the modern era#or hazel's horror over the amazons keeping slaves but “no they're not slaves they just like it that way 🥰”#my problems with hazel are not at all about stereotypes I just don't buy her as an authentic portrayal of a black girl from the 1930s#don't get me started on beckendorf. does every black character need to die a violent horrible death rick#anyways this isn't intended to make anyone feel bad but we need more meaningful nuance in critiques beyond “hey that's a stereotype! bad!”#if you can't discern and communicate WHY it's bad then you're not saying anything of substance#is it a caricature? is it uninformed/underresearched? are all the characters from that group being represented in that way?#is the stereotype itself a degradation of that group? is it being played for laughs? is the character a one-dimensional stereotype?#what can we glean about the biases of the author/narrative and their worldview through their portrayal of certain groups in the text?#a big part of literary analysis and critique is not only pointing out The Thing. you need to also say something about The Thing#like if you have a black character say they like hiphop then sure it's a “stereotype”. but lots of black people do like hiphop#it's an important part of black american culture and portraying that in media isn't racist by default#and in fact lots of poc keep parts of themselves quiet for fear of being perceived as a “stereotype” when we shouldn't have to do that#BUT if you're doing it like jonah wizard was written in the 39 clues then that's where we've got a problem bc wtf was that rick#that was so racist oh my god I was like 11 years old reading that 😭 and then he had the white mc poke fun at him for being a gangster#and him being a “gangsta” was always played for laughs throughout the story#not being pro-rick here as I'm a big fan of critical riordan reading just being pro-thoughtful critiques because some of you guys actually#sound a wee bit ignorant when saying things like what was mentioned in the first tag#baye.txt#pjo hoo toa#rr crit#<- tagging that just for. well the tags basically
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Which version of Rick is your fav?
it's so hard for me to choose tbh. HOWEVER, I'd say Evil Rick
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then I'd say it's C-137 and Memory Rick
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I love how pathetic™ Evil Rick really is tbh. love that he's being controlled by his Morty. can you guess who my favorite Morty is?
#the only reason why Evil is above C-137 and Memory is because#Memory's design is something I don't really like in the style of the show#his fanart makes him look so much cooler but in the show he just looks.. unfinished?#idk it's weird to me. I love him outside of that though#and with C-137. I'M SICK OF HIM LMAO I AM SO SORRY#there are too many fucking episodes dedicated to this man. pushing everyone else aside just to have him yap about his dead wife#I love him so much but there's only so many times we can bring Diane up and not really develop her as a character but rather to boost Rick#and the show is Rick and MORTY yet all I see is Rick 😭😭 don't get me wrong I love this man#I just feel like we know more about Rick than the rest of the family#WHICH IS FINE IF THAT WAS WHAT THEY WERE GOING FOR#and if they wanted to go in that direction so be it! it's fine!#I just feel like he needs less screen time or at least balance episodes among the family#cause even the most recent Morty episode is about Rick. it was so frustrating watching it cause it's literally MORTY'S fear hole experience#yet we're watching Morty's head canons about his grandparents#I also hate the narrative they took with Diane. only ever having Rick talk of her or others bring her up#it just doesn't make her a character but rather an extension off of Rick. that's how I'm feeling rn with the family#they're all just there to prop up Rick or something. super annoying#but that's about it. I'm not gonna continue my rant#unless you want me to?#idk if I even made sense but that's all good#rick and morty#rick and morty fandom#rick#memory rick#evil rick#C-137#Rick Sanchez
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You know, children of Hades/Pluto and Thanatos/Mors with a propensity to develop SZPD or AVPD would also work. Their fathers are entwined with death, the dead, which makes connecting to the living hard for them.
It could be partly because of rejection when their parentage is discovered by demigods, possible unease mortals may feel around them due to their aura or whatever, and then partly because of their own innate nature, meaning even in the friendliest of circumstances they struggle to connect with the other person.
#in my headcanons bianca is the one with an innate detachment from living people outside of her immediate family#however i don't think she'd develop szpd if she had lived. she can make connections and friends easily. it's just not instinctive to do so#and she wouldn't fully meet the criteria needed to qualify. it would just be the personality type 👍#happy talks pjo#but if i was assigning them pds (which im not) I'd put Bianca at SZPD Nico with AVPD and Hazel with both#nico was rejected due to be a child of hades so there's that#as for Hazel i think it would be a combination of many things - her abusive upbringing making her recoil into herself#the racism and explition alienation due to the curse from the people around that she had to deal with#followed by isolation and an overbearing morher when she moved to alaska#then when she's brought back to life she struggles with derealization which causes a disconnect from the people around her#and she can't really socialize or talk about her life because 1) she was dead for 70 odd years 2) she's cursed but no one knows#and 3) her life sucked#so i think she'd have the fear of rejection from others for avpd as well as the disconnect/detachment from people for szpd#again I'm not headcanoning any of them with the above. I'm just playing around with where they would fall#for the most part what we see of the underworld kids is that they are relatively more adjusted than other demigods despite their traumas#it could be dissociation repression that their father is more present with them so they have resources available to seek help#or it could be that a general disconnect with their own life because as child of the dead they will never be fully grounded while alive#so all the pains really hit them once they die but while they're alive it's just oh well terrible things happen to me but its whatever
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Spite has to be the most chill demon so far because all 3 approaches work with him Lucanis fights with him and succeeds usually Taash talks to him like one would with a misbehaving dog or toddler at BEST-very funny and I let my Rook be the contrast and just be chill and even if he isn't happy about everything or the explanations he obliges
so as far as the whole case of Spirit/Demonic possessions go we got lucky here...not looking at any...past examples and the...results of that
#txts#da:v#dragon age: the veilguard#everyones bringing smth to the round#davrin w/ Assan-best boi#Emmrich and Manfred-2nd best boi only bc Assan is around otherwise best boi#Bellara got her...Archive Spirit think she brought back#Neve is surrounded by wisps and complications#ofc Lucanis brought Spite in and Rook got Solas in their head during the night#Harding brought the whole little totally casual hearing the 'Song' back which hasn't worried me at all //looks at DA2#Taash decided to bring gender and mommy issues which...relatable#...we need smth more personable for Taash to bring#lets get them (and with that us) a dragon next v-v#going back to the post above#it is kinda funny in a sad way how much Lucanis hates/fears what he is bc of Spite#and meanwhile Rook Taash and Emmrich are just kinda chill whenever he shows himself#Davrin balances that out#Neve is also chill but less direct....makes me notice#I never had a scene where SHE talked with Spite#only w/ Lucanis about him#well it has only been 50hours#lets see where the future takes us on all accounts
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#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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>Laughs Out Loud
I thought that piece was just about people focusing too hard on labelling Mizuki instead of letting them be themselves like they ask, not that it was transphobia ._ .
its ok to have ur own interpretation of that piece but its very clear to me that that wasnt ame's intention
#also i dont think its bad At All for ppl to 'focus too hard on labeling mizuki' is it bad that trans ppl are celebrating rep#if u find it annoying maybe distance urself from the fandom honestly. its So Ok i did it too after the debacle with the facts acc lol.#its so normal and common for queer ppl to be A little annoying about queer characters dude theres been so little rep for such a long time#ppl just end up feeling overprotective over the character bc they dont see their experiences reflected in media as often#its just so sucky to me to scold ppl over being happy and expressing their queerness#what is focusing too hard anyways? the argument just reeks of how cishets get annoyed at anyone openly queer for 'shoving it in their face'#and ame liking a post calling mizuki a he + her response to the backlash makes me think her threshold for 'too much' is way lower than mine#talking#mizuki5#asks#work with me here why do you think ame has to 'forbid herself from thinking about mizukis identity'#edit also how do labels stop mizuki from being herself like yeah labels can be limiting but as far as we know mizuki is a femenine tgirl#i dont think she'd find it limiting shes just scared atm to be openly trans around ppl she cares about in fear of being treated differently#in fact i think itd be super sweet if we eventually got an event where mizuki connects with other trans ppl and finds a sense of solidarity#with ppl who mirror her own experiences with gender#niigo going to a pride parade.. mfy finding strength in knowing theres other ppl out there that defy their family to be themselves..#i think knd would know the least abt queer ppl bc shes been so Composingbrain but eager to understand to make songs that can save ppl..#like how her dad told her she needs to be more worldly to make good songs#ena i think would know what the average person knows but sososo glad to see mizuki happy and comfy
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"how did your visit this weekend with your grandmother [who has advanced dementia] go?"
let me put it this way: when i left the home, i texted my brother and said "you can call her if you want to, but you do not want to see her again" and then got very drunk.
#dementia#advice would be appreciated - like how to talk her down when she's paranoid and scared#i know not to encourage the delusion but telling her outright that nothing's happening just makes her more distressed#my therapist told me to recognize that while the things she's seeing aren't real the emotions that they're causing in her *are* real#and to try and soothe those fears where they are rather than contradict or confirm the delusions#i think it helped some?#she seemed to calm down as i told her that it sounded frightening but that it was going to be okay#she was convinced that a group of people associated with a bunch of companies were conspiring to do something but she didn't know#what they wanted with her or what to do#i told her to just keep on keeping on and that if something bad were going to happen then it would have happened by now and so things#were going to be okay.#it seemed to help? she stopped talking about conspiracies against her at least? and seemed less frightened but more... lost#she started saying that she felt like she was floating and that she didn't know what to do#and i had no idea how to handle that#i just landed on reassuring her that the tech was going to come and get her ready for bed in just a moment and she just needed to wait#when the tech came and we said goodbye she held my hand and thanked me for coming#so at least there's that#i guess#i don't know how much (or if) i really helped#her decline has been so fast and it's like having a piece of my heart carved out one awful visit at a time
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"why are people mad about AI being pushed on them when they SHOULD be mad about all the privacy erosion??"
1) plenty of us bitches are mad and annoyed about both, actually.
2) the privacy erosion has become the normalized state of existence for the average person for the last 10 fucking years at least, its snuck in, they disguise it as Convenient Features to Help You Shop Better, and thats IF they bother telling you theyre doing it, instead of just opting all your shit in without asking, its so fucking normalized that yeah, a lot of people do not bother to question it, they just sigh in resignation and go, yeah, i guess, do i even have other options? and they do, but theyre an investment of learning and time you dont have capacity for at the moment, or maybe you do but you feel like you dont bc it feels like a bigger hurdle than it is, and computer stuff is already kind of intimidating, cos man, what if you hit the wrong thing and brick your expensive ass machine? easier to just let it data harvest, you guess, it cant be THAT bad, can it? plenty of people live like this, put up with this, seek this out, its easier not to resist the privacy erosion. fucking whatever, i guess. yeah, i guess twitter i mean X, or walmart, or facebook, can just have all of my contact info and my phone number and my birthday and phone contacts and bank information and fuck it, give them my ssn while im at it. less effort later. this is just how tech has been for the last 10 yrs. no one can effectively get rage clicks on this topic anymore bc we all fucking know. it sucks and we know. what do you want me to fucking do about it? i have other shit to deal with more urgently. etc
3)
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you cant turn anything on or log onto anything or go anywhere without hearing about whatever new shit theyre throwing AI at for no real reason, no one will fucking Shut Up about AI, and its Annoying, man
#toy txt post#toy pic post#image id in alt text#im so fucking Tired of hearing about it and in applications that make no sense cos they made the thing and are now trying to justify its#existence and cost instead of like. creating it to actually meet a need.#im annoyed at both of these things everytime i turn on the god damn computer#i keep getting texts about upgrading my phone to get one of the new AI models. man. i dont want that#i dont want it bc theyre as invasive as ever and the ai shit is stupid and i dont want it#AND YES. THERE ARE GOOD AND USEFUL AND DECENT APPLICATIONS AND USES FOR AI. I KNOW. ITS NOT ALL BAD#BUT MOST OF THE FUCKING CHATTER ABOUT IT IS ANNOYING AND THE INTERNET IS AS FILLED AS EVER WITH MEANINGLESS BULLSHIT#WHETHER IT BE AI GENERATED OR JUST TALKING ABOUT THEIR NEW BULLSHIT GENERATOR 3000. PLEASE DOWNLOAD#TO JUSTIFY THE VENTURE CAPITAL#man ppl are tired of it all. we want to opt out of it all#and some dont even want to bother.#and then theres ppl like my mom who no. i cant convince her the privacy erosion is a problem bc on an individual level she doesnt care#but i could convince her hopefully to be wary of 'answers' from ai and that they generate slop and if anyone asks you for money for ai shit#lmao Dont. okay#and at this point ill take that as a wij#win#and honestly the privacy erosion at this point. needs. legislative shit. legislative shit that isnt just 'oh the companies were data#harvesting teens? well if the companies stop giving that info to advertisers and instead give it to Their Parents. and also give them full#control of their accounts and everything the kids see. well that fixes it. no. god#its a big stupid messy problem that is gonna suck to fix and so far anyone who talks about fixing it on a mass scale is a fucking hack#who is fear mongering to exert more control over kids man it all sucks so bad. and it sucks more cos it doesnt Have To#it Could be good! computers could be good again. the answer is not necessarily everyone download linux bc thats not going to happen#maybe more ppl should and that would be good for us. yes. like idk teach it in school or some shit. but that cant be the only thing you do#windows and Microsoft and apple should not be retroactively fucking up the products they have monopolized into everyones homes & businesses#they should not be ABLE to do this. idkeverything sucks and is stupid and that sucks and is stupid and you all are complaining about dumb#rubes getting mad at the wrong thing and falling for ai fear mongering instead of being like. why are the bitches who are turning every god#damn computer into inherent spyware also shotgunning money into ai amd articles hyping up about ai
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the urge to respond to critique about portrayal of unpolitically correct attitudes or phrases or actions or whatever in regards to mental illness with "what if I told you that it's not my job to tell my readers that when my character says stuff like 'my binge eating disorder is not as bad as my brother's bipolar + PTSD combination; he has to win at something' that it's Bad and the Wrong Attitude to have when it's largely a tongue in cheek joke about living with mental illness and watching the people you love experience a different flavor that is also worse
#one of my characters tells another character that her grandmother committed suicide#and the critiquer said that I should have said died by suicide#because that is now the “correct” way to talk about suicide#and... I know that#I work in the psychology field#and i'm aware of how speech impacts perception#however#my character does not care about this distinction#and honestly neither do I#it doesn't matter to me whether or not you say “committed suicide” or “died by suicide”#and I have had someone close to me kill themselves#it fucking sucks but no amount of “died by suicide” takes away the reality of the action being performed by the person dying#imo it's a cheap trick that purports to discern the complexities of suicide in that people who do it aren't fully to blame for it#but it doesn't! that conversation needs to happen in full without shying away from the reality that the person did choose to die!#I just... I don't know#i want to portray life as it is not as we wish it to be and I'm not writing a message book about mental illness#also this critiquer comes from the YA space and this book is adult and I fear that the gearing towards YA generally meaning a more actively#condemning attitude towards “problematic” attitudes regarding characters that doesn't have to be present in adult fiction#dealing with someone else's mental illness for years and years is taxing and takes a toll on you and that's problematic sometimes#but you know what! everything is!#/this person had a lot of good things to say but there is something so blah about this in particular#“say die by suicide”#no#anyway
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I hope I will get to discuss queer experiences with my grandmother, we had one or two discussions about it already but I want more, I know some of our experiences are similar, even tho I highly doubt she identify with our community
idk exactly what is my point with this post, but it's juste that... being queer is an important part of my identity y'know? and... and I know it's not exactly her world but I just hope she could know that she isn't alone, and maybe she does know! I don't know! we never talked enough about it for me to know
#i don't *want* her to identify as queer i don't care#i just want to tell her about other people experiences so that she see she's not alone#it's not even inherently queer experiences btw she just happen to have experiences i know me or other queer people have too#i want to tell her i know it's not the same but here look other people feel kind of similar#she's the person i'm the closest to in my family‚ or even outside of it‚ we always had a special connection#and i just wish i could tell her more about my life and my identity but i never found the 'right' time for more than a few topics#and... she's getting older‚ and i fear i will not have the time to do so#but there are so much other things we have to do or talk about and so little time#those tags are getting kinda personal now but well i kinda need to vent#personal
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Really funny this white dude in my speech class group i remember he kept making eye contact with me and i was like does he like me um and turns out he did that with everybody white people weird
#cherry says#anyways fun inside GOD THAT SEMESTER WAS STICKY my mom could not take unemployment well#me i got used to the cycle of looking for jobs getting nothing then stop looking bc my mom said dont worry about it ill pay the bills#i did that over and over and with film jobs id just look at texas film commission sometimes just to look#but i myself got used to the job hunting so i felt zoned out from it yet#that area felt as much a daydream as my wanting to go make a movie i didnt think i wanted to tell myself that#especially because i still was doing acting looking for acting#but yeah there was times my mom would make violent fits she would wonder what was happening#i think those times revealed a lot of the weird complexity of our relationship after high school#i didnt pity her but i did feel like i owed her something i believed so many things she told me#i feel like she wanted me to see her work as a sacrifice so i must do this and that but it was way deeper#parental love became a fucking duty to show it that was just it i did what she said#to at the same time comfort myself when i had no job and maybe even to comfort myself for being scared#i think tbh i need to face that past action that i was scared i was scared of reality even if it was a reality she talked of#i was scared of growing up and didnt wanna think about it i was scared of the future in 2 months when class ended#so maybe my mom with no job suddenly presented the risks we were all taking#maybe it made me more scared of what was to be on the outside#somebody who put fear in my head who said dont worry u study i work and that was gone#perhaps i shouldve taken that opportunity to realize NOTHING LASTS.#YOUR MOTHER WHO ALWAYS MADE IT SOUND LIKE THE WORLD WAS CONTROLLED AND PREDICTED BY HER IS AS VULNERABLE AS YOU NOTHING LASTS#but i didnt i instead became the punching bag again the quiet good girl and kept on thats a lot to swallow even more
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 54
Chapter; Highlights
Before battle tomorrow-before they might stand a chance of actually saving Anielle.
He was still working through all that had transpired these months he'd been gone. The battles and losses. Where Dorian had gone with Manon and the Thirteen. Chaol could only pray his friend was successful-and that he didn't take it upon himself to forge the Lock.
Needing to unravel all he'd learned, he'd left Aelin and the others near the Great Hall to find whatever food they could, immediately.
Part of him half wondered if the mare knew that his back ached, that he needed his cane, but that he chose to be here.
He ran a hand down her ebony mane, then patted her strong neck. "Ready to trample some Valg grunts tomorrow, my friend?"
Farasha huffed, angling a dark eye at him as if to say, Are you?
Chaol smiled, and Yrene laughed softly. "I should head back to the hall," his wife said.
"See who needs help." But she lingered. Their eyes met over Farasha's powerful back.
He came around the horse, still mindful of her biting. "I know," he said quietly. Yrene angled her head. "Know what?"
Chaol interlaced their fingers. And then laid their hands atop her still-flat abdomen.
"Oh," was all Yrene said, her mouth popping open. "I- How?"
Chaol's heart thundered. "It's true, then." Her golden eyes scanned his. "Do you want it to be?"
Chaol slid a hand against her cheek. "More than I ever realized."
Yrene's smile was wide and lovely enough to fracture his heart. "It's true," she breathed.
"How far along?"
"Almost two months."
He studied her stomach, the place that would soon swell with the child growing inside her. Their child. "You didn't tell me, I'm assuming, because you didn't want me to worry."
Yrene bit her lip. "Something like that."
He snorted. "And when you were waddling around, belly near bursting?"
Yrene whacked his arm. "I'm not going to waddle."
Chaol laughed, and tugged her into his arms. "You'll waddle beautifully, was what I meant to say." Yrene's laughter reverberated into him, and Chaol kissed the top of her head, her temple. "We're having a child," he murmured onto her hair.
Her arms came around him. "We are," she whispered. "But how did you know?"
"My father," Chaol grumbled, "apparently possesses better observational skills than I do." He felt, more than saw, her cringe. "You're not angry I didn't tell you?"
"No. I would have appreciated hearing it from your lips first, but I understand why you didn't want to say anything yet. Stupid as it might be," he added, nipping at her ear. Yrene jabbed him in the ribs, and he laughed again.
Laughed, even though every day they'd fought in this battle, every opponent he'd faced, he'd dreaded making a fatal mistake. Had been unable to forget that should he fall, he'd be taking them both with him.
Her arms tightened around him, and Yrene nestled her head against his chest. "You'll be a brilliant father," she said softly. "The most brilliant one to ever exist."
"High praise indeed, coming from a woman who wanted to toss me from the highest window of the Torre a few months ago."
"A healer would never be SO unprofessional."
Chaol grinned, and breathed in her scent before he pulled back and brushed his mouth against hers. "I am happier than I can ever express, Yrene, to share this with you. Anything you need, I am yours to command."
Her lips twitched upward. "Dangerous words."
But Chaol ran his thumb over her wedding band. "I'll have to win this war quickly, then, so I can have our house built by the summer."
She rolled her eyes. "A noble reason to defeat Erawan."
Chaol stole another kiss from her. "As much as I would like to show you just how much I am at your command," he said against her mouth,
"I have another matter to deal with before bed." Yrene's brows rose.
He grimaced. "I need to introduce Aelin to my father. Before they run into each other." The man hadn't been near the hall when they'd arrived, and Chaol had been too worried for Farasha's well-being to bother hunting him down.
Yrene cringed, though amusement sparked in her eyes. "Is it bad if I want to join you? And bring snacks?"
Chaol slung an arm around her shoulders, giving Farasha a farewell stroke before they left. Despite the cane, each step was limping, and the pain in his back lanced down his legs, but it was secondary. All of it, even the damned war, was secondary to the woman at his side.
To the future they'd build together.
As well as Yrene's conversation with Chaol had gone, that's how badly things went between Aelin Galathynius and his father.
Yrene didn't bring snacks, but that was only because by the time they reached the Great Hall, they had intercepted his father. Storming toward the room where Aelin and her companions had gone for a reprieve.
"Father," Chaol said, falling into step beside him. Yrene said nothing, monitoring Chaol's movements. The pain in his back had to be great, if he was limping this deeply, even while her magic refilled. She had no idea where he'd left his chair—if it had been crushed under falling debris. She prayed it had not.
His father snapped, "You fail to wake me when the Queen of Terrasen arrives at my castle?"
"It wasn't a priority." Chaol halted before the door that opened into the small chamber that had been vacated for the queen and knocked.
A grunt was the only confirmation before Yrene’s husband shouldered open the door enough to poke his head inside. "My father," Chaol said to whoever was inside, presumably the queen, "would like to see you."
Silence, then the rustling of clothes and steps.
Yrene kept back as Aelin Galathynius appeared, her face and hands clean, but clothes still dirty. At her side stood that towering, silver-haired Fae warrior-Rowan Whitethorn.
Whom the royals had spoken of with such fear and respect months ago. In the room, Lady Elide sat against the far wall, a tray of food beside her, and the giant white wolf lay sprawled on the ground, monitoring with half-lidded eyes.
A shock to see the shift, to realize these Fae might be powerful and ancient, but they still had one foot in the forest. The queen, it seemed, preferred the form as well, her delicately pointed ears half-hidden by her unbound hair.
Behind her, there was no sign of the golden-haired, melancholy warrior, Gavriel, or the utterly terrifying Lorcan. Thank Silba for that, at least.
Aelin left the door open, though their two court members remained seated. Bored, almost. "Well, now," was all the queen said as she stepped into the hall.
Chaol's father looked over the warrior-prince at her side. Then he turned his head toward Chaol and said, "I assume they met in Wendlyn. After you sent her there."
Yrene tensed at the taunting in the man's voice. Bastard. Horrible bastard.
Aelin clicked her tongue. "Yes, yes, let's get all that out of the way. Though I don't think your son really regrets it, does he?" Aelin's eyes shifted to Yrene, and Yrene tried not to flinch under that turquoise-and-gold stare. Different from the fire she'd beheld that night in Innish, but still full of that razor-sharp awareness.
Different-they were both different from the girls they'd been. A smile curved the queen's mouth. "I think he made out rather well for himself." She frowned up at her consort. "Yrene, at least, doesn't seem like the sort to hog the blankets and snore in one's ear all night."
Yrene coughed as Prince Rowan only smiled at the queen. "I don't mind your snoring," he said mildly.
Aelin's mouth twitched when she turned to Chaol's father. Yrene's own laughter died at the lack of light on the man's face. Chaol was tense as a drawn bowstring as the queen said to his father, "Don't waste your breath on taunts. I'm tired, and hungry, and it won't end well for you."
"This is my keep."
Aelin made a good show of gaping at the ceiling, the walls, the floors. "Is it really?"
Yrene had to duck her head to hide her grin. So did Chaol.
But Aelin said to the Lord of Anielle, "I trust you're not going to get in our way."
A line in the sand. Yrene's breath caught in her throat.
Chaol's father said simply, "Last I looked you were not Queen of Adarlan."
"No, but your son is Hand to the King, which means he outranks you." Aelin smiled with horrific sweetness at Chaol. "Haven't you told him that?"
Yrene and Aelin were no longer the girls they'd been in Innish, yes, but that wildfire still remained in the queen's spirit. Wildfire touched with insanity.
Chaol shrugged. "I figured I'd tell him when the time arose." His father glowered.
Prince Rowan, however, said to the man, "You've defended and prepared your people admirably. We have no plans to take that from you."
"I don't need the approval of Fae brutes," the lord sneered Aelin clapped Rowan on the shoulder.
"Brute. I like that. Better than 'buzzard,' right?"
Yrene had no idea what the queen was talking about, but she held in her laugh anyway.
Aelin sketched a mocking bow to the Lord of Anielle. "On that lovely parting note, we're going to finish up our dinners. Enjoy your evening, we'll see you on the battlements tomorrow, and please do rot in hell." Then Aelin was turning away, a hand guiding her husband inside. But not before the queen threw a grin over her shoulder to Yrene and Chaol and said, eyes bright—with joy and warmth this time, "Congratulations."
How she knew, Yrene had no idea. But the Fae possessed a preternatural sense of smell. Yrene smiled all the same as she bowed her head-just before Aelin slammed the door in the Lord of Anielle's face.
Chaol turned to his father, any hint of amusement expertly hidden. "Well, you saw her."
Chaol's father shook with what Yrene supposed was a combination of rage and humiliation, and stalked away. It was one of the finest sights Yrene had ever seen.
From Chaol's smile, she knew her husband felt the same.
"What a horrible man." Elide finished off her chicken leg before handing the other to Fenrys, who had shifted back into his Fae form. He tore into it with a growl of appreciation. "Poor Lord Chaol."
Aelin, her aching legs stretched out before her as she leaned against the wall, finished off her own portion of chicken, then dug into a hunk of dark bread. "Poor Chaol, poor his mother, poor his brother. Poor everyone who has to deal with him."
At the lone, narrow window of the room, monitoring the dark army hundreds of feet below, Rowan snorted. "You were in rare form tonight."
Aelin saluted him with her hunk of hearty oaten bread. "Anyone who interrupts my dinner risks paying the price."
Rowan rolled his eyes, but smiled. Just as Aelin had seen him smile when they'd both scented what was on Yrene. The child in her.
She was happy for Yrene-for them both.
Chaol deserved that joy, perhaps more than anyone. As much as her own mate.
Aelin didn't let the thoughts travel further.
Not as she finished her bread and came to the window, leaning against Rowan's side. He slid an arm around her shoulders, casual and easy.
None of them mentioned Maeve.
Elide and Fenrys continued eating in silence, giving them what privacy they could in the small, bare room they'd be sharing, sleeping on bedrolls. The Lord of Anielle, it seemed, did not share her appreciation for luxury. Or basic comforts for his guests. Like hot baths. Or beds.
"The men are terrified," Rowan said, gazing out at the levels of the keep below. "You can smell it."
"They've held this keep for days now. They know what's waiting for them at dawn."
"Their fear," Rowan said, his jaw tightening, "is proof they do not trust our allies.
Proof they don't trust the khagan's army to actually save them. It will make for sloppy fighters. Could create a weakness where there shouldn't be one."
"Perhaps you should have told Chaol," Aelin said.
"He could give them some motivational speech."
"I have a feeling Chaol has given them plenty. This sort of fear rots the soul."
"What's to be done for it, then?" Rowan shook his head. "I don't know." But she sensed he did know. Sensed that he wanted to say something else, and either their current company or some sort of hesitation barred him.
So Aelin didn't push, and surveyed the battlements with their patrolling soldiers, the sprawling, dark army beyond. Baying cries and howls rent the night, the sounds unearthly enough that they dragged a shudder down her spine.
"Is a land battle easier or worse than one at sea?" Aelin asked her husband, her mate, peering at his tattooed face.
She'd only faced the ships in Skull's Bay, and even that had been over relatively quickly.
And against the ilken who'd swarmed them in the Stone Marshes, it had been more an extermination than anything. Not what awaited them tomorrow. Not what her friends had fought on the Narrow Sea while she and Manon had been in the mirror, then with Maeve on the beach.
Rowan considered. "They're just as messy, but in different ways."
"I'd rather fight on land," Fenrys grumbled.
"Because no one likes the smell of wet dog?" Aelin asked over her shoulder.
Fenrys laughed. "Exactly because of that."
At least he was smiling again.
Rowan's mouth twitched, but his eyes were hard as he surveyed the enemy army.
"Tomorrow's battle will be just as brutal," he said. "But the plan is sound."
They'd be on the battlements with Chaol, readying for any desperate maneuvers Morath might attempt when they found themselves being herded and crushed by the khagan's army.
Elide would be with Yrene and the other healers in the Great Hall, helping the injured.
Where Lorcan and Gavriel would be, Aelin could only assume. Both had peeled off upon arriving, the latter taking watch somewhere, and the former likely brooding. But they'd probably be fighting right alongside them.
As if her thoughts had summoned him, Gavriel slipped into the room. "The army looks quiet enough," he said by way of greeting, then unceremoniously dropped to the floor beside Fenrys and hauled the platter of chicken toward him. "The men are rife with fear, though. Days of defending these walls have worn on them." Rowan nodded, not bothering to tell the Lion they'd just discussed this as Gavriel ripped into the food. "We'll have to make sure they don't balk tomorrow, then."
Indeed.
"I was wondering," Elide said to none of them in particular after a moment. "Since Maeve is an imposter, who would rule Doranelle if she was banished with all the other Valg?"
"Or burned to a crisp," Fenrys muttered.
Aelin might have smiled grimly, but Elide's question settled into her. Gavriel slowly set down the chicken. Rowan's arm dropped from Aelin's shoulders. His pine-green eyes were wide. "You."
Aelin blinked. "There are others from Mab's line. Galan, or Aedion—"
"The throne passes through the maternal line-to a female only. Or it should have, Rowan said. "You're the sole female with a direct, undiluted claim to Mab's bloodline."
"And your household, Rowan," Gavriel said. "Someone in your household would have a claim on Mora's half of the throne."
"Sellene. It would go to her." Even as a prince, Rowan's own heritage connecting him to Mora's bloodline had thinned to the point of being in name only. Aelin was more closely related to Elide, probably to Chaol, too, than she was to Rowan, despite their distant ancestry.
"Well, Sellene can have it," Aelin said, wiping her hands of dust that was not there. "Doranelle's hers." She wouldn't set foot in that city again, Maeve or no. She wasn't sure if that made her a coward. She didn't dare reach for her magic's comforting rumble.
"The Little Folk truly knew," Fenrys mused, rubbing his jaw. "What you were."
They had always known her, the Little Folk. Had saved her life ten years ago, and saved their lives these past few weeks. They had known her, and left gifts for her. Tribute, she'd thought, to Brannon's Heir. Not to... Gavriel murmured, "The Faerie Queen of the West."
Silence.
Aelin blurted, "Is that an actual title?"
"It is now," Fenrys muttered. Aelin shot him a look.
"With Sellene as the Fae Queen of the East," Rowan mused.
No one spoke for a good minute.
Aelin sighed up at the ceiling. "What's another fancy title, I suppose?"
They didn't answer, and Aelin tried not to let the weight of that title settle too heavily. All it implied. That she might not only look after the Little Folk on this continent, but with the cadre, begin a new homeland for any Fae who might wish to join them. For any of the Fae who had survived the slaughter in Terrasen ten years ago and might wish to return.
A fool's dream. One that she would likely not come to see. To create.
"The Faerie Queen of the West," Aelin said, tasting the words on her tongue.
Wondering how long she'd get to call herself such.
From the heavy quiet, she knew her companions were contemplating the same. And from the pain in Rowan's eyes, the rage and determination, she knew he was already calculating if it might somehow spare her from the sacrificial altar.
But that would come later. After tomorrow. If they survived.
There was a gate, and eternity lay beyond its black archway.
But not for her. No, there would be no Afterworld for her.
The gods had built another coffin, this time crafting it of that dark, glimmering stone.
Stone her fire could never melt. Never pierce. The only way to escape was to become it—dissolve into it like sea-foam on a beach.
Every breath was thinner than the previous one. They had not put any holes in this coffin.
Beyond her confines, she knew a second coffin sat beside hers. Knew, because the muffled screams within still reached her here.
Two princesses, one golden and one silver.
One young and one ancient. Both the cost of sealing that gate to eternity.
The air would run out soon. She'd already lost too much of it in her frantic clawing at the stone. Her fingertips pulsed where she'd broken nails and skin.
Those female screams became quieter.
She should accept it, embrace it. Only when she did would the lid open.
The air was so hot, so precious. She could not get out, could not get out—
Aelin hauled herself into waking. The room remained dark, her companions' deep breathing holding steady.
Open, fresh air. The stars just visible through the narrow window.
No Wyrdstone coffin. No gate poised to devour her whole. But she knew they were watching, somehow. Those wretched gods. Even here, they were watching. Waiting.
A sacrifice. That's all she was to them.
Nausea churned in her gut, but Aelin ignored it, ignored the tremors rippling through her. The heat under her skin.
Aelin turned onto her side, nestling closer into Rowan's solid warmth, Elena's muffled screams still ringing in her ears.
No, she would not be helpless again.
#Chapter 54#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Chaol Westfall#Yrene Westfall#Lord Westfall#Fenrys Moonbeam#Aelin Galathynius#Elena Galathynius#Aelin Ashryver Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#no spoilers please#first read#read with me#read along#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 54 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#Hellas Horse aka Butterfly-Never again-A chance-let’s go babies!-waddlebeautifully lol-he wants to build her a house😭-maybe a nursery#when it’s all gone-together-prettier with you-they scared her from the flame-worse marks were left-she’s tired but she will#she fought she’s fighting-what’s real what is what was-whatever was left-the weeping always eases in the end-it’s lovely fracturing joy#dam Sarah not future you quote again ITS ALREADY BURNED ME ONCE-one foot in the forest-they share meals-don’t ask-line in the sand#wildfire touched with insanity-I mean how would she not be a little insane-admirable-and please do rot in hell lol-the meeting we needed#congrats they meant-they loved it about her-and Rowan-the casual easy lean on him QoS how far we’ve come *good for once*#it’s either laughing or crying so-the sort of fear that rots the soul-what then they didn’t know-he knew-lol the wet dog-watch and brooding#It’ll save her-not a coward-Mab again-the dearie queen of the west-HER-a fools dream but a dream nonetheless-he will do whatever he has to#the world didn’t know-never helpless again-he let her steal the warmth-finally their all having those talks-hi cousins again-2places at onc#Him taking care of the horse was kind-shes always helping-Farasha congrats ur the other1st2be told-happy moment cuz their having a bb#At least he was smiling again-all the names-faerie queen-couldve been worse noone got stabbed shes shad worse dinners-@her side#stood that towering Fae warrior-spokeWsuch fear&respect-Aelin shifted fae again-AGREED YRENE-i knew she’s a blanket hog lol41wfire powers#A line in the sand the titleOnly sweetness when its horrific Fae BastardLaughed anywaysBuzzard she said w love-tru joy&warmth#its bad if Elide hates you-l luv her feist-as her own implying Yrene is-wanting joy4them-No Maeve-no bed-the truth-just a name-stars
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It's like Marina said, as bad as the mini fight of that day was, it was necessary, we finally talked about the things we suffered and showed how they also hurt us, and how mom hurts us too, she doesn't understand/doesn't try to understand us, and that's it!, maybe that's just how it is, mom is like that, she's not considerate, she doesn't understand what we suffered indeed
Before that it seems that I/we get it very frustrated with that, even though I didn't admit it, it seems like I wanted her to understand, I/we wanted her approval, but now with this day....we don't need her approval, it's just like that, mom is like that, she'll never understand what we went through, and she's not interested in the things we do indeed, and that's all right, she's just like that, she doesn't understand and she doesn't need to understand, I/we no longer want her to understand and be interested
#reflection#The reason of the mini fight was just that mom started talking about trauma and said that she has afraid of being judged...#We said that we had this fear a lot too but then she question us saying that...#How we have this fear “judged of what?” She said#I snap it what you mean? “Being judged of what?”(Ugh The way she says) I think you forgetting something...#Very important about our life we suffered bullying!! Bullying is basically an phsychologic abuse of judgement💢🔥#We were judged almost our whole life a-and it was in everywhere by people at our age adults kids...#At the english course at school at the street#How dare you say that!!! As if what we being thru was nothing!#I had afraid of going outside I didn't had a voice god and it seems we eventually become a target to judgement just for existing...#People laughed at us i had an anxiety attack almost every day#Are you having amnesia should I get worried? First forget that you liked mine s1fu w0man and now forget that we were victims of bullying...#In a very Young age(these are so unimportant to you that you simply forget)#Then we open up about a very suck day that the school superior screamed at us cuz we didn't find...#People for doing a group project(this story is for another day it was worse than that)well it had a teacher...#That put us in this situation I swear I almost hate this woman till this days cuz of that well mom was saying “ ah it was the teacher job..#She was doing what she has to do?" We fuckin know that it was her job I not saying she was evil I just want you to see how it hurted us...#Marina was the one that fighted more back she said how much frustating it is to open up to mom...#Cuz she always like that she always tries to almost put the blame on us make us understand the other side but NOT OUR SIDE#And we always caring and understanding with her but she is not the same with us that was what marina said...#Then mom just go away crying I guess(I didn't saw my eyes were shut)#Now everybody is okay again time cease those things#....well it was very intense but it was the right thing#I don't understand what mom's being thru and mom don't understand what we being thru....#Cuz we are different people for more similar that “trauma” is we dealt differently....and that's okay we don't need to understand
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Unfollowed and soft blocked an irl sorta friend on ig cause she posted saying condolences to trump like. Girl he lived. It was his ear. What about the people who aren’t dickheads-
#we haven’t really talked since my 21st birthday though so#still sucks a bit though. I feel guilty for doing that but I just. didn’t see reason to continue#we were kinda close (I guess?) but. I suppose that’s life#main fear is her trying to confront me about it#Idk if she really will or not but. yeah#I know a few of our mutual friends still follow her and she follows them so I’m really hoping this doesn’t blow up more than it needs to#oh well.#is this a vent??? idk lol#vent#vent in tags#just in case y’a know#and that’s the tea
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