#The reason of the mini fight was just that mom started talking about trauma and said that she has afraid of being judged...

[celibibratty]

It's like Marina said, as bad as the mini fight of that day was, it was necessary, we finally talked about the things we suffered and showed how they also hurt us, and how mom hurts us too, she doesn't understand/doesn't try to understand us, and that's it!, maybe that's just how it is, mom is like that, she's not considerate, she doesn't understand what we suffered indeed

Before that it seems that I/we get it very frustrated with that, even though I didn't admit it, it seems like I wanted her to understand, I/we wanted her approval, but now with this day....we don't need her approval, it's just like that, mom is like that, she'll never understand what we went through, and she's not interested in the things we do indeed, and that's all right, she's just like that, she doesn't understand and she doesn't need to understand, I/we no longer want her to understand and be interested

[ordinarykeys]

Otto progression part 2! Here's a collection of my dnd character from throughout the year so far. Including some NPCs and other player characters. We recently had our 1 year anniversary for the game so I wanted to draw everyone's character and some memorable NPCs / Enemies from the game.

I'll talk about the images under a read more if you're interested.

So the first picture was Otto's new look after becoming divine. We thought it would be cool to try out the Gestalt system (which is leveling in 2 classes at the same time), and Otto had a combo of Death Cleric with a Homebrew Necromancer we found. I would NOT recommend the homebrew we found, the subclass I took turned out to be extremely broken without us realizing. It did make for an extremely funny combat where we were fighting a mini army, dropping Sickening Radiance down on them, and getting 100+ HP back once a turn through syphoning traits. Honestly it was incredible, and extremely fitting for Otto who basically became a God of Death.

Right after making the art of Otto's next outfit shit hit the fan hard, which made the very happy and cute expression in the picture just... completely unfitting for what happened. Otto grew up in a foster home along with their six other siblings, Everette(the eyeball ghost) being one of them, and raised by an old woman named Ingrid. They loved their home, and even after they reached the age they could move out to live on their own, they chose to stay and help take care of the home. Turns out, Ingrid has been a flesh puppet orchestrated by the "real" Ingrid, who was this powerful old Ascended(super powered humans basically) that wanted to keep Otto safe until everything came together for her to set off her plan to send them out into the Otherworlds(basically the dimensions that open up to the players when they become an Ascended, think of it like the "world map" name). Then it turned out Otto was taken at birth because Ingrid needed their blood to create an immunity to the BBEG's mind control effects, and used that to give to the other players. The reason Otto was immune at birth, is because their mom is the BBEG. So, it turned out Otto had been an Ascended all along, but their powers were suppressed and they've basically been lead down this path by their grandma. Otto's BBEG mom is the bottom right lady in the 6th picture with the white hair. Which was COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL OTTO'S HAIR HAS BEEN SLOWLY TURNING WHITE. I had begun the process since they became an Ascended, and then when we found that out I just... my reaction was just the surprised Pikachu meme. So we found out that the BBEG had been doing this for a while, having kids, and basically killing them and taking their power for herself. Before she had the chance to do that with Otto, Ingrid snatched them and went into hiding to start her whole revenge plot.

Anyways though, since then it's just been constant emotional turmoil of the party trying to grasp what the fuck is going on(again). But we're all having a great time. I mean between the emotional trauma. It's been hit after hit for our nb legend, their other bro was murdered along with one of their companions, they've been questioning their trust with the party, they had to defend their friend against another god of Death(who they ended up taking the powers up) and now that friend won't talk to them, and they're sort of just going through the motions. IN ALL THAT THOUGH, they did start getting close to one of the NPCs named Serfan that's been helping them out. They met because Serfan was hired to kill the party. :) Good times. He's in the group picture, if you look close enough you might be able to spot who he is.

AND FINALLY, THE LAST PICTURE, is how I imagined Otto's design progressing towards the end of the story. Tired, embracing their new self, and I thought they would just look cool with a big coat. Very regal feeling for someone that would take over restoring balance in the universe as a death god.

Anyways though thanks for reading! The game is currently on pause while one the players got busy over the summer. Hopefully we'll be returning to the game soon and finishing it up. Even after the game is done, I might still draw Otto. They've grown to be a fav.

[elizacinnamon]

Its the way that 6x10 was an episode that it was given all that happens in that episode which in some ways created unnecessary drama that then went no where:

~Archie and Betty speaking on their emotional tethers and in a sense Archie kinda believing he could be one for Betty given his body language. As this could speak to the fact that they feel safe test and emotional vulnerable to each other the most out of anyone. As Betty saying her mom is an emotional tether while Alice treats her like crap is RICH coming from the writers on some parts.

~Veronica showing up to Archie’s abilities competition but this girl didn’t even know that Archie was invincible and no one told her yet… HA so stupid just to tease the VAs and annoy the heck out of the BA fans. As Betty can not have ONE moment with him as her man doing shit like that. They didn’t even give them a cute scene after it was over, instead they gave us Jughead interacting with Archie instead about a stupid statue that means NOTHING by the end of the episode. Ugh. . Plus going back to the Veronica of it all, it was very weird that they specficially dressed cami in the same jacket that V wore when Archie was with Josie during that fight in S3.

~ They had Betty not attend the fight because she was with Cheryl (valid) but then when she finally shows up… Jughead doesn’t give them space to just talk together (basically C-blocked by the way he is basically giving daggers at them the whole time) she couldn’t even give Archie more than a touch on the arm because Jughead was right in their faces and have a quiet moment for her to apologize for missing the fight about having to care for Cheryl / give them a cute moment in the locker room just to take a moment to breathe. Instead we cut basically to IMMEDIATELY there is then this moment of angst with each other (Barchie) about the palladium not being where Betty said it was which was so random.

Also people critiqued how she happened to be sleeping in her own bed instead of beside Archie in that flashback / cut away scene was strange considering he’s living right next door. The scene was already creepy enough that Percival was able to manipulate Alice to let him into Betty’s room to unlock that info out of Betty, lord only knows how even creepier that would have been if Percvial who was downstairs with Frank assuringly plotting whatever shenanigans they were only for Percival to walk upstairs to Archie’s room opened the door to Betty/Archie in bed together sleeping to then try the mind control trick on her… that would be even more messed up.

Some of the choices in some of the episodes in this era were so strange and were to drum up drama but it just fell flat because they didn’t know what they were doing with it.

As like Veronica is the literal last person to gain her powers / know about them… but they also COMPLETELY retcon how she obtained her ability. As she got her abilities initially from Percvial, via Reggie’s gift. It’s why Percvial is literally SMIRKING at her when she does her “Toxic” performance because he is so proud its working. There was so many signs that Veronica was going to turn into a mini villain, but no we had to again throw Kevin, and Alice/ Frank into that role instead because we can’t make her a true baddie for whatever reason. Veronica in her light Villain era like in 6x03 Rivervale would have been ICONIC for S6 proper. As episodes later it is said that Veronica got her “abilities” because she killed her ex-husband and her dad as it’s THAT trauma as why she’s got these “black widow” abilities. Give me a break that makes no sense.

If you wrote even a one shot for 6x10 it would have been better executed than what we got 💕

I agree all of this drama went nowhereeeeee.

I starting working on my 6x10 fic and hope to publish it soon! I know people love missing scenes so trying my best.

-Betty is psycho for saying her mother is her tether. Maybe Polly but definitely not Alice. I have a theory for why she said that and why Archie reacted, which I may wait to elaborate on in my fic.

-Veronica acting like that, especially since she knows Betty and Archie are dating, is super cringe to me. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t know, whereas Betty is like “yeah, he’s fine.” Betty is also less hype in general. I also think Betty finds the whole competition a little silly, which is something I will also explore in the story.

-Jughead was SO annoying in this episode. So much you could argue he was borderline in love with Archie. The statue is embarrassing. But even more annoying, he should’ve given Betty a moment with Archie. I have the headcanon he potentially was a little oblivious to their relationship, which I will also further explore in my fic.

-The palladium bit was also odd but I liked the angst. I can imagine Archie getting a little mad at Betty for not being at the match/the palladium, leading to some emotional (and physical breakthrough).

-Betty sleeping alone is odd but I guess they weren’t living together yet and they needed her to be for the sake of the scene.

-I agree I wanted Veronica to have a much deserved villain arc. Making her desperate instead was a major downgrade to her character in my opinion. I don’t hate Veronica but the writers really missed with her characterization.

But overall, I agree the writing choices were off here. A combo of bait and bad writing. We’ll see what I can do . . .

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[princekirijo]

Pspspspsp some Riku and Ann being bros headcanons???

OH FUCK YES THANKS BRO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT Riku Ann friendship my beloved… This got super long so under a read more it goes 💀

OK so these two are literally chaos incarnate.

They have about two braincells between them. And they never use them.

Honestly apart? They're very intelligent (Riku has his mom's brains and Ann is intelligent in her own right) but whenever they're together it just cancels out.

Their number one favorite activity to do together? Annoy Makoto. At first it was unintentional because they just got up to their normal bullshit but it pissed Makoto off so much and they found it funny and now they do it deliberately.

Don't get me wrong they love Makoto and Ann really has no beef with her but Riku gets very annoyed at how "know it all" she is (he's exaggerating but she does it a lot you know? At least that's how I felt). But really it's harmless and they do back off it starts to upset her.

They also love to go shopping together! Ann will drag Riku to all the best boutiques in Tokyo and he just comes along for the fun of it. He also let's Ann pick out his outfits and buys her some clothes in return (he insists he's too lazy to pick out his own clothes but it's actually because he can see how happy Ann gets doing it and that makes him happy :] - not that he'd admit it)

They also sing a lot. They'll just randomly burst out into song in mementos and the only reason as to why no one has killed them yet is because they're both surprisingly good singers.

This is also accompanied by a lot of dancing. Riku had dance lessons as a kid and is actually super passionate about it and Ann loves watching him dance and rocking with him ofc. Makoto just wishes they wouldn't do it in the middle of a mini boss fight 😞

They constantly make stupid bets/dares with each other. Like Ann will be like "I bet that shadow is weak to magna" and Riku is like "buy me crepes and I'll find out" and before Ann can say deal Riku has already launched himself at it (and most likely gotten his ass yeeted across the field)

On a more serious note they're really supportive with one another when it comes to their trauma. Ann was the first person Riku properly opened up to about Hatanaka. She is very sympathetic with him and really helps him through his rough patches. In turn Riku is super supportive about Ann's own trauma and her feelings of guilt around what happened to Shiho

If either of them is having a bad day the other will show up on their doorstep with the cheesiest movies, 10000% packets of sweets and blankets just in case. They don't even talk sometimes, they just sit together in comfortable silence.

Riku will always come to Ann's modeling shoots if he can. He intimidates anyone who makes Ann (or any of the other models) feel uncomfortable and has the time of his life bullying Mika <3 (also because I hc Yukari as having her own modeling agency - don't ask I don't remember where that came from - he also gets to see his mom occasionally)

Ann has also offered to come to any fancy business party and bully old rich men for Riku if he needs it. She tends to come to any meetings he has and waits outside for him to get food after if he doesn't have plans (if he does Mitsuru will ask Ann if she wants to come to and ofc she'd agree).

The only time they ever butt heads (and even then it lasts like 10 seconds before it's all forgotten) is whenever Ann calls Yukari and Mitsuru milfs. Riku gets very annoyed and Ann thinks it's hilarious. Yukari thinks it's funny too and just laughs it off and Mitsuru has no idea what milf means. No one's gonna tell her either that it's not Mother I'd Like to be Friends with 💀💀💀💀

All in all they are very close and great buddies and I live for their dynamic. Also their dynamic with Yusuke. That's my phantom thief brot3 😌

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

It would be cool if they did another 400 days type mini series with some characters. like showing us the beginning/middle/different parts of the apocalypse from the perspectives of: Marlon, Louis, Violet, Sophie, James, and Lilly. I think it would do well

I think something like this would do well, too. We talk about this a lot and I keep hoping that if we continue to talk about it, they’ll somehow hear us and actually do it haha. 

Just think of the possibilities- a game with each episode dedicated to following a different protagonist during a different time in the apocalypse, telling a previously unheard story. They could even do more character-driven stories that focus more on that aspect rather than the walkers and outside dangers, y’know? 

Really the only downside I could see if they actually did this is that people outside the fandom would be whiney about it? I mean, people who casually played Telltale games would look at Skybound like “Rehashing old characters who aren’t muh Clementine? Pass.” Y’know? And to be fair, I could see people within the fandom being disappointed, too. 

But a majority? I think we’d all be happy to just have another twdg installment if Skybound wanted to make one... as long as they leave Clementine alone. That’s my one condition haha. 

Leave her alone, Robert. 

I’ll even throw out a bunch of possibilities for episodes-

Carley and Doug - I would love an episode that starts with Carley working as a reporter just as the walkers come. We could meet her crew, go through when they were attacked and explore the trauma she experiences after watching her producer get eaten alive in front of her. 

Then, in comes our hero: Doug. Doug saves her life, and the two of them manage to escape and hideout. This is the perfect time to explore Doug’s character, too, as well as the relationship he and Carley had before they met up with the drugstore crew. 

We can learn more about how Carley came to be so good with firearms and more about Doug’s technical background. Not only that, but it would be interesting to see these two actually interact since, y’know... they canonically have romantic feelings for one another. 

Then the episode could end with them meeting Glenn outside, who brings them back to the group at the drugstore. 

The St Johns - Here me out, but I would totally be on board for an episode about these people and how they starting picking off their farmhands for food. We don’t even have to play as any of the St Johns, we could play as a farmhand that actually escaped that fate after discovering what these people were doing. 

It could definitely be more horror based, too. Like a cat and mouse sort of chase scene with the protagonist and Andy or Danny with them escaping with their life at the end and journeying off. 

We could also see more of the bandits and how that agreement came to be with them. We could see more of Jolene, too. 

Lilly - Okay, I want to know what the hell happened to Lilly between s1 and s4. From what I’ve gathered and inferred, Lilly wandered alone for years before finding the delta, the first place she ever considered home since... well, the motor-inn. Which... is nuts. 

Then there’s all the trauma of losing Larry on top of what a piece of shit he was. I know I laugh at her for being all “No more ice cream, no more hair dryer” when she was telling Clementine about Larry cutting their power but we don’t know much about just how abusive Larry was. 

Plus, we don’t know what happened to her mom. Larry still carried her wedding ring even into the apocalypse and died with it in his pocket. There’s just... a lot of things. 

So I think an episode about Lilly by herself could be an interesting exploration of her being her own enemy, y’know? When I say character-driven, I mean solely character-driven with Lilly having flashbacks or nightmares or talking to herself or even hallucinations. Think Michonne, but even better executed. And with no ghost children. Maybe a ghost Larry, though. Which is arguably worse. 

And it could end with someone from the delta finding her. 

Christa and Omid - I feel like this is an obvious one since everyone loves these two and we’re still salty that they never brought Christa back. So it’d be cool to see these two either before meeting Lee’s group, or their time with Clementine between s1 and s2.

This is the only time I’ll allow Clementine to be here. If they feel they have to plop Clementine into this, then do it this way. We could explore Clementine’s guilt of what happened to Lee and the trauma she suffered while with the stranger, we could explore Christa’s pregnancy and learn more about her and Omid’s relationship. 

We could see some dad moments with Omid as he and Clementine bond, perhaps dive into the fear and anxiety of a baby that’s coming, too. 

Kenny and Sarita - So... while Kenny’s not my favorite person, I can’t deny that I’d be interested in seeing him after he apparently escapes the walker horde after killing Ben and what he went through before he met Sarita. 

Hell, have an episode where we play as Sarita as she stumbles upon Kenny and how she saved him from the restaurant he was hiding in. We could get a glimpse into Kenny from Sarita’s point of view and what they went through during their time together. We could learn about Walter and Matthew, too. 

Honestly, I just want to know more about Sarita as a character rather than a plot device to die in order to further Kenny’s development, y’know?  

Bonnie - Yeah, yeah, I know. No one likes Bonnie and “who wants to play as Bonnie again?? she sucks??”, but damn it... I want them to redeem how badly they fucked up with her story in 400 Days. 

I want an episode about her struggling with her drug addiction and how it affected her when the dead started walking. What she was willing to do to get her fix, y’know? Bring back Leland and Dee and how they helped with her road to recovery.

Leland himself even said that when they found her, she was still so stuck on those drugs. I think exploring that could be a fascinating experience. 

Jane - An episode about Jane and Jamie? An exploration of Jane’s struggle with keeping her sister alive while having that internal survival instinct trying to take over all leading to her finally giving Jamie what she wanted- to leave her. Then how that guilt and loss took a toll on Jane and hardened her.

And like, I know Jane is kind of in the same boat as Bonnie where a lot of people [specifically Kenny followers] absolutely hate her and would whine about an episode dedicated to exploring her character, but I don’t care. I’d play it, I’d love to understand Jane more, even if I don’t particularly like her. 

David - This one is here for selfish reasons. I want an episode all about David. I don’t care what you do, but I want to see David’s struggle of literally losing his entire family in a single night, as well as losing the world to the apocalypse and having to move forward.

Like... seriously, remember what Kate was all “I bet David was happy when the world ended” or some shit? I actually disagree, Kate, since the day the world ended, he lost his father, mother, brother, uncle, his fucking children, and you, his wife within a night.  He spent years thinking you all were dead while traveling with Ava and his unit, fighting the dead and trying to survive.... but no, the day the walkers came was probably super great for him. Ugh. 

The bonus is we get more Ava, too. Also, I don’t think anyone would oppose if you threw in the whole “David and Lingard might’ve had a thing”... just sayin’. We stan bisexual David. 

Javier - Throwing this one in there because I think an episode about Javi, Kate, Gabe, and Mari would do incredibly well. Everyone misses the Garcia’s, everyone was bummed that we ever got a follow up to what Javi was up to after ANF. 

Y’know... since ANF was a mess, they probably didn’t feel they could do a follow up because people wouldn’t play... but I’m telling you, we’d play another adventure as Javier Garcia. I don’t know what kind of story you’d tell, but it doesn’t matter. Well, it does... but ya get me. 

Plus, more Gabe and Mariana content. C’mon. 

James - *slams fists on table* I want my James and the whisperers episode damn it!! And I’m gonna keep saying it until someone either makes it or pays me to shut up. 

I don’t care if you like James or not, you can’t deny how fascinating it would be to have an entire episode dedicated to the whisperers. On top of that, we’d get to see James and Charlie and how their relationship suffered during their time with the whisperers, as well as James realizing what a monster he became. 

Maybe we could have a scene where James actually makes his famous mask, or a scene of James escaping them and leaving Charlie behind. It could end with James in his camp until he hears gunshots one night. When he goes to investigate, he finds Clementine and AJ trying to escape Lilly and Abel and we get him intervening from his perspective. 

There ya go, there’s a second Clementine cameo that doesn’t fuck everything up. Ta-dah. 

Sophie and Minerva - A popular one that most of us would want. Them after they were taken away and how they suffered within the delta. It’d be cool to play as Sophie, and tragic since we know how that would end. But we could be the one who acts out and tries to escape all while doing our best to keep Minerva from giving into them... which again, imagine the heartbreak. 

The Ericson crew - Like with the twins, this would be a popular one that most people would want to play. While I’d rather they kept their fingers off Louis and Violet since they’re bound to fuck them up, I can’t deny that I want to know what happened at the school during the first days. 

We could even play as Ms. Martin as she chooses to stay and take care of all these kids, how she bonds with them before inevitably meeting her fate in the greenhouse. 

And c’mon, you know you want to see baby child versions of our Ericson kiddos. Imagine Louis and Violet at these young ages? Seeing other kids we never got to meet? We’d eat it up! ...Well, assuming they did a good job with their characterizations. Y’know. 

---

Those are all the major ones I’d like to see, but hey, if any of you had other ideas for episodes following characters I didn’t mention, feel free to share! 

[repo-net]

I really enjoyed writing yesterday's Nagisa mini talk, so I thought I'd do another one of these while I'm still in the mood.

Today's Nagisa topic of the day: His relationship and underlying care for the other kids

One of the things that I think commonly describes Nagisa by the general fanbase is him being a "bad person whos done awful things but has an inside guilt and regret of those things"

While I definitely understand that point of view and think it's valid, let me make the case that he's more of a "good person who's done bad things who has really deep guilt about all his wrongdoings"

Why do I think Nagisa's a good person? Simple, really. His deep care for the other Warriors of Hope and the amount of stuff he's done for them, and the things he hasn't done but they're things he's more than willing to do.

This is a topic I wish got talked about more, since Nagisa has really interesting relationships with the UDG cast, in particular the other Warriors of Hope, and of course Komaru & Toko. But we'll ignore the despair girls duo for now, I'll get to that in maybe another time.

On the surface to his allies, Nagisa's cold, blunt, and a smartass who's way too serious about everything, and one that doesn't care about the others but rather only for Monaca.

Inside his heart however, he's probably the most caring out of all the Warriors of Hope despite his cold exterior.

Out of all of the Warriors, he was the one most fixated on their goal: creating a safe place for kids. He wasn't a big fan of the killing adults thing, and the only reason he wouldn't try to stop it is because it's Monaca's game. I already explained how much Monaca meant to him in the last post and why he didn't have the willpower in him to defy Monaca. I won't really be talking about her this time around, but her and Nagisa's relationship and dynamic is extremely tragic and well-written, and I'm probably going to make a post about that soon too.

Now, enough filler. Let's talk about all the things Nagisa has done for all the Warriors of Hope, atleast in what UDG and the art books with his relationship charts have provided us with.

Let's start with Masaru. Masaru and Nagisa are complete polar opposites in terms of personality, but it's honestly impressive how many similarities the two actually have. Wanting to be a leader, a huge desire to protect the kids, and being a simp for Monaca. Well, I'm sure they're both over that now since the events of UDG, but they were both most definitely what the definition of a simp is, atleast.

Masaru and Nagisa really don't get along all that well. Masaru's red fire and Nagisa's blue water are complete 180s on each other, but as much as they seem to not get along, Nagisa is the one that has shown care and genuine worry for Masaru.

During Masaru's "funeral" in Chapter 2, Nagisa was the only one who refused to believe he was dead, because the report he received was that we went missing, not dead. The other Warriors were so wrapped around the idea that Masaru was dead, (due to Monaca's convincing of the idea) but not Nagisa. He, who was probably the one that argued with Masaru the most. He, who seemed to hate his guts on the surface. He was the one who wanted to look for Masaru.

Even after all his talk of annoying him with being their leader and a hero, he still wanted to look for him because he was still their friend and ally, no matter how many times they argued. Now those are the qualities of what you want out of your team's leader.

Of course, his effort was all in vain because Monaca talked him down, by convincing the other Warriors of Hope that he was acting like an adult, effectively turning them against him and making him retract any idea he had of searching for him. Poor boy.

Moving on to the next Warrior, let's go with Jataro. Jataro always hated himself, and that's what he always wanted the others to feel about him too. Hatred, disgust, malice, and just plain disliking of his whole existence, because that's how Jataro handles with his trauma.

Honestly? Quick praise to Jataro for being the only Warrior of Hope of using his trauma as a way of pleasure rather than getting hurt by it. And also fuck Jataro's mom, all my homies hate Jataro's mom. What the hell did she say to him that made him develop such a weird complex at such a young age? Good lord...

Anyways, back on topic. Jataro wanted all of the Warriors of Hope to hate him. The girls most definitely did, they're open about it. Masaru probably just dismisses his existence as a whole and couldn't care less.

There's an oddball out though, and it's Nagisa. Nagisa was, despite him definitely showing some annoyance with Jataro at times, he really was the only one who truly cared for Jataro and the only one who acknowledges his existence on a more positive note than the others.

As much as Jataro wants the others to hate him, Nagisa is mature and smart enough to understand that this is not an okay mentality to have, and discourages it. He's a change from the other Warriors of Hope (Monaca and Kotoko, especially) who bully him and just make the problem worse. Nagisa even told Jataro in one of the art books, I quote, "Shouldn't you only fight in the demon hunting game and not with yourself?". This was genuine advice and proof that Nagisa cares about Jataro.

Also, can we talk about this picture?

If you hadn't noticed by now, Jataro's clinging on to Nagisa's arm. I don't know what that really means, but at the very least we can get that Nagisa is seen as a comforting figure by Jataro.

not my cup of tea personally but no wonder why this is nagisa's most popular ship

Anyways, this post is getting way too lengthy already. I still have to talk about Kotoko and Monaca, which I think I'll do tomorrow, so look out for that. The Kotoko-Monaca-Nagisa trio is one of my favorite trio groups in the entire series, only getting beat by probably Makoto-Kyoko-Byakuya and maybe, just maybe Nagito-Hajime-Chiaki. But the trio of kids is definitely up there with them.

Anyways, let me know what you guys thought of this post, I had a lot of fun writing about it and I will definitely have even more fun tomorrow when I get to Nagisa's relationship with Kotoko and Monaca.

[mwokozi369]

I get almost no questions so there is no FAQ yet I will make one if I do get questions on my AUs and will make one for each AU if I do have questions.

All stories are under rewriting in AO3 so don’t look there yet.

Here are the summaries.

Diamond Bound leads to Diamond Bound: Diamond kids, they are the same universe.

The background summary for Diamond Bound and Homeworldwashed:

This is if Pink came clean to the Crystal Gems while in canon I see why she didn’t, she was afraid that her being a Diamond would ruin the message behind their movement and also she hated herself and wanted to be someone else, to run away from who she was, while it was childish and wrong I cannot fault her, her beliefs go against her purpose, everything she stands for is not what she should stand for, she hates being a Diamond and being a Diamond is like a prison to her, being Rose was a release. Her whole existence is a Diamond is like a prison to her, one she can’t escape but tries whatever she could think of, Pink had traumas and issues she was never able to receive help for. In this AU she actually decides to tell all the Crystal Gems in the beginning. I will make a mini comic on this, Pink makes a speech of her not being the leader but just a friend. Still she is a Diamond and I do believe the Crystal Gems would be unsure about this revelation and Pink was work to earn their trust just because she is a Diamond.

Pink does earn their trust and they work together. She does get Spinel and bring her back towards the beginning too and comes clean to Spinel, apologizing and instead helping Spinel find new friends, again this will be made into a chapter in the written and comic versions. There will be many chapters about Pink’s past on Homeworld and as a Crystal Gem.

Every plan Pink comes up with she tells the trusted Crystal Gems, only the trusted ones also know that she is Pink Diamond, this is so Homeworld spies don’t find out about anything. Pink gets feedback and listens to everyone. She does realize Bismuth has feelings with Pearl, again another chapter this one with Pink getting Bismuth to open up to her and it ends with Bismuth says how much of a coward she is for not being able to tell Pearl and begs Pink not to tell Pearl. Pink tells Bismuth that she isn’t a coward and tells her that her secret is safe with her but tells Bismuth to go for it once she feels ready and instead offers to help whenever Bismuth wants and would put in a good word for her. It’s a sweet scene and Pink even talks about her past with Bismuth and her regrets, her many regrets as she admits she was not the best person on Homeworld.

Pearl knows Pink’s feelings for her is of a close friend, Pink makes it clear that she loves Pearl as her best friend and her closest ally, the gem she trusts with her life. There is a scene with Pink telling Pearl that she loves her but not in a romantic way and that Pearl deserves to be with someone who returns her feelings and that she couldn’t find that if she is to be in a relationship with Pink. The two just sit there is silence and after awhile Pink goes on adding that Pearl deserves the best, that she matters and deserves to be happy, that Pearl should focus on herself above all.

Every plan Pink has goes through the Crystal Gems and it’s run as a democracy. Pink’s fake shattering is run through Garnet who predicts the attack, though no one knows about corruption so Garnet predicts that it will destroy all gems like it was purposed to do.

Pink asks if there is anything they can do protect themselves and then looks to Pearl, she doesn’t have Lion at this time and she knows she could shield herself and a few close gems. She then decides that the best course of action would be to bubble everyone besides herself and Pearl. This plan is agreed to and put in motion, the Crystal Gems are bubbled and stored in Pearl’s gem.

The stage shattering happens, Pink shields Pearl doing the last stretch when the attack happens then they release the other Crystal Gems. They soon realize the attack corrupted the Homeworld soldiers who were unable to leave in time and they bubble them.

Pink goes on to live a life similar to canon but everyone knows she’s Pink Diamond, Pearl has no gag order and the Crystal Gems are around. She has who own adventures, helps Bismuth open up to Pearl about her feelings and Pearl gets together with Bismuth. Pink gets Lion but does tell Pearl about him and later meets Greg and they have Steven.

However in the two AUs Pink is able to live inside of Steven’s gem. Steven has her memories, she watches his life through the gem and is sometimes visits him through dreams to help him.

The Two AUs split up now. Homeworldwashed Steven is found as a baby and taken.

Diamond Bound’s Break:

Events are extremely similar to canon up to Steven’s Dream. Steven does keep his heritage different from Homeworld gems like Peridot and Jasper so those arcs stay the same up to after Peridot becomes a Crystal Gem and the Cluster is dealt with when she is told everything and she gets to have a little comic of her processing everything. Jasper later is told this and Steven has his gem rotate to its Diamond shape and she later becomes a Crystal Gem but first tries to get Steven to join you with the Diamonds but later gives up and decides to protect her Diamond.

Now comes Steven’s big mistake. He does start to think hiding his identity as Pink Diamond as unnecessary as it helped get through to Jasper so he believes it can help him get through to other gems. Steven shows Eyeball his Diamond and flashes her Diamond eyes. Eyeball believes the best course of action it to poof Pink Diamond and bring her back to the Diamonds but Steven flings her away in space.

Steven’s Dream is when it starts to change. When Blue Diamond takes Greg Steven releases his aura and gets her to stop. Blue turns to Steven and drops Greg but Steven manages to catch Greg and once setting his father down is snatched by Blue Diamond who takes him away.

When they arrive to Homeworld Steven is brought to White where he tells her he is not his mom and she takes out his gem. Pink’s coding is still there and she reforms. Once seeing her dying son she scoops him up and uses her tears to heal him. He needs a gem, his DNA has Diamond code in it so a new Diamond form’s within Steven.

Steven is unconscious at this time. When he wakes up Pink has to take him back to White, it was White’s orders. At this time Steven is confused and doesn’t know what’s going on. This is where we are at in the comic, the background will be covered in the comic. Soon everything will become clear, this is Steven’s perspective right now but it will be clearer once we switch to Pink’s perspective.

Homeworldwashed:

Same background, same reason Steven is alive with Pink’s tears making him his own Diamond. Steven grows up on Homeworld as a baby. White Diamond is more cruel in this AU. Yes it follows more Diamond Bound’s story but with a different twist.

Two Rebel Leaders:

Rose and Pink are two different people, Pink hated what was going on and purposely made a defective Rose Quartz to try and get the Earth to be abandoned but it doesn’t work. Rose Quartz then convinces Pink to join her side completely and shows Pink the beauties of gems because at this time Pink was just fighting for Earth. Pink joins as a spy and they later stage the shattering, Garnet perdicts an attack and so most gems were bubbled for their safety but not all as some were unable to do so in time. Rose Quartz shields a few Crystal Gems and Pink shields her close friends, Spinel, Garnet and Pearl.

They live life like normal but with more Crystal Gems, Pink is a little more reserved and prefers just to hang out with her small circle of friends and organic life. She meets Greg and has Steven, she was able to make a copy of her Diamond and give it to Steven which drained her and made her weak for awhile be she did recover and survived to raise Steven, both with their own intact gems.

Rose later has a child, only Pink Diamond and Rose Quartzes are able to have hybrid children with organic life since they have a special connection with organic life however Rose can’t make a copy and gives up her physical form to have her child. Rose has a baby girl, Nora and her father leaves so Pink and Greg are left to raise her themselves.

Nora messes up one day as a little kid, pressing random buttons in Pink’s Leg Ship and ends up calling Yellow Diamond. Yellow answers because she is utterly confused why she is recieving a call from Pink’s Leg Ship since only Pink could power it on and Pink was shattered. She sees a human toddler, another human child who has pink diamond eyes and then spots Pink who rushes to turn it off. Yellow tries to message and call Pink back but Pink ignores her so she gets Blue and even White to help her.

Pink gets threatening messages and Yellow tells her about the Cluster, Pink begs her to shut it down and leave the Earth alone and Yellow, Blue and White agree if Pink come back. With no other choice Pink agrees but then takes it back saying she has to raise her hybrid son. The three order Pink to bring him and that they’ll have a base that she can warp to from her room whenever they wish. Pink agrees and has to bring Nora too.

Once settled in Nora is brushed off by everyone as they all focus on Pink and Steven and Pink, though she tries her best to be there for both of them is focused more on Steven since he is not just her son but also the one the other Diamonds are trying to sway to be more like them. Pink tries to make sure Steven doesn’t turn out like them and argues a lot with the other Diamonds.

Steven and Nora must adjust to life on Homeworld, Pink must protect them and they all have to find a way to free themselves from The Great Diamond Authority.

Also Asks are always welcomed and appreciated.

Want to start reading?

Diamondbound’s first page is https://mwokozi369.tumblr.com/post/640316884201422848/intro-part-1

or first

[paradisobound]

It’s Time to Begin

Summary: Dan and Phil went through hell and back when they were teenagers to fight against the evil clown. However, when they get called back to Derry, they know that the fight is just beginning again with whatever it is. But old feelings begin to get rehashed and they decide to confess something to the other before they head towards the fight for their lives. 

Phan IT Part 2!Au 

Word Count: 3.9k 

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of violence, homophobia, emetophobia, alcohol, death (not MCD) and general horror movie elements 

Written for the @phandomreversebang for the art by softphiily and beta work by @flymetomanchester! 

**Read on Ao3**

A/N: I purposely left the ending as hopeful because if you've seen the movie, then you know the ending and it's extremely sad. So i left the ending ambiguous because I want people to not read this and feel sad but read this and feel hopeful for the end!

When Dan got the call that was about returning to Derry, he vomited. It wasn’t that he was feeling queasy before then, but it was because he knew what the call meant.

The call had come in from Joshua. All he said was the words, “Come back to Derry” and the words had filled Dan’s head with dread.

He was due to go into his comedy show that afternoon, but the words rattled around in his head and he failed to say anything. People booed him, and he laughed because he tried to make the best of it.

He left the stage without announcing so and vomited in the bin on stage right just behind the curtain. He prayed that the microphone on his shirt was turned off and no one could hear him.

It had been so long since he’s thought about Derry, so long since he’s left there. He was convinced that he never wanted to think of the name of that town again, and he had been successful up until this point.

Joshua had told him to take a flight to Maine but Dan was all the way in Los Angeles and was reluctant to do so. He could drag feet, pretend he didn’t actually hear the words, and move on with his life.

But that wouldn’t be fair.

Oh, yes, why wouldn’t it be fair? Dan remembered the blood pact that they had made on the other side of the Stone bridge that one afternoon all those years ago. At the thought, his hand itches and he instinctively itches his palm, raking his fingernails over the slightly raised scar.

He can’t go back. No, there is no way that he could. Too many memories. Too much trauma. Too much everything. If he goes back, that literally only means one thing: it’s back.

Dan doesn’t even want to think about it. He doesn’t want to think about any of it. He doesn’t want to think about Derry, about his former friends, and especially about what they experienced the summer when they were 14.

No, Dan refuses.

He rubs the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he managers rushes a cold bottle of water to him and he takes the damp plastic and shoves it to the nose of his neck and holds it there.

He stands up a bit straighter and makes a beeline past his manager for the table of food and drinks in the back. He grabs the first bottle of wine that he sees, some white bottle that says it’s a Moscato, and he unscrews the cap and begins to drink it down.

Alcohol is going to be the only thing that can numb his feelings tonight.

***

It all started in Derry, back in 1991.

He was a young nerdy boy who just wanted to spend his summer playing the shitty arcade games at his local theater. He’d gotten pretty good at Pac-Man and Donkey Kong that summer, setting multiple high scores just to show off to all of the weebs around him that he was the best.

But when school came around that fall, things began to change a bit more. Namely, his friend group. He’d begun to hang out with Robbie and Steven.

Robbie had a bit of a stutter, but Dan didn’t mind. He likes to pick on Robbie, and sometimes Robbie took it well, and sometimes he didn’t.

Steven was quiet, kept to himself. He was Jewish and while Dan himself wasn’t any religion, he still decided to go with his new friend occasionally to temple to see what it was all about. As they grew up, Dan was willing to always help Steven with his studies for his bar mitzvah.

And then there was Jenna and Bradley. But Dan didn’t know them as well as he knew the others. Yeah, they all hung out, but he still knew the others better.

But it was Phil who Dan liked the most. He was a little bit of a hypochondriac���well, maybe a little bit isn't the correct way to phrase that. Phil panicked a lot about anything. His mom had him conditioned to believe everything and anything was a germ and it was a miracle to Dan that Phil even lasted this long in a public school without having an actual freak out.

But there was always something about Phil that Dan never forgot. Not even all these years later, as Dan is sitting in his car in the parking lot of the studio for his show, fighting back tears as he struggles to breathe.

His phone continues to vibrate on the seat next to him, texts from Joshua rushing in asking him to come back to Derry, that Derry needs their group there to save everything.

Dan knows what is waiting for them, and he’s not sure he wants to ever face it. He had faced it once when they were kids, trying to stop the monster from hurting any other children like they had hurt Robbie’s little brother.

For many years, Dan has tried to act brave because he tried to forget about everything that had happened to them. And really, he had pretty much done that until today's text and all of the memories came flooding back.

He starts his car, turns on the radio as loud as it will go as it blasts Radiohead out of its speakers. The couple in the car next to his turn their heads and he sings alone, trying to forget and drown out the buzzing of his phone on the passenger seat.

No...he won’t go back to Derry.

He can’t go back.

***

Despite Dan’s best efforts, he finds himself in the small town he grew up in, driving past the old arcade where he held all of his records and he sees posters still tacked on the outside from the ‘90s, the last time it had ever been open. Dan’s gut aches a bit more but he’s gotten sick way too much over the last 3 days to still have anything in his stomach.

Dan books an overnight stay in the only bed and breakfast in all of Derry. He books only for one night because he has no intention of actually staying. Part of him hopes that this is all a sick joke to get all of the Losers group to meet up again but he knows deep down that’s not gonna be the case.

After all, it had been a long time since the first ordeal happened.

Dan’s not even sure if he wants to see any of his old friends. It seems like so much has happened since they left and he can’t even decipher if he wants to try and make up for lost time. Maybe the only person he would like to reconnect with is Phil, see how he’s doing, how his health is doing.

Dan laughs to himself as he sits on the edge of the bed with the key to the room in his hand. Phil...good ole’ hypochondriac Phil. Dan does miss him, miss the way he used to freak out over just touching a handrail on a staircase and immediately start dousing his body in hand sanitizer.

He hasn’t heard from Phil in years. The last time he did, he heard Phil got married. And while that’s great for him, Dan can’t help but feel the punch in his gut over the fact that Phil got married.

Mostly because Dan is still harboring a crush on him after all these years. So many years of repressed homophobic language and words. He’s not out to anyone he knows. He’s not even out to his friends back in Hollywood. The only person he is out to is himself.

Dan drops the key out of his grasp and he jumps at the clatter it makes on the hardwood floor in the way too silent room. Part of him wishes he had gotten the nerve to come out to Phil before they all left for college--which Dan dropped out of anyway. They hadn’t even said that much before they all left for their own lives. Dan just gave Phil a quick hug goodbye at graduation and gave them all a promise he’d keep in touch and then they were all gone.

A knock sounds through his door and his shoulders jump as he stands up from the bed and walks over to the door. He opens it slowly and a bit of glee jumps into his chest as he sees Jenna standing there, her strawberry blonde hair tucked behind her ear.

“Hey, Dan!” She says, a voice wavering a bit with tiredness but her eyes still bright green. “Long time no see.”

Dan nods and lets out a laugh. It’s been so long that he’s seen her that it feels a bit unreal to see her now as 30 year old than her teenage self, “You look really good!”

A loud laugh escapes her lips and she waves him off, “Stop lying.”

Dan’s really not but he laughs along. She invites herself into his room and they find themselves talking about their life from the last however many years that they haven’t had contact.

Dan learns that Jenna is going to be filing for divorce from her abusive husband soon and Dan wishes her well in that. He tells Jenna about how he has an upcoming comedy tour beginning in a few months and she jokes that she’s going to buy tickets for one of his shows in New York City.

It feels nice to catch up, but in the end, they both still sit in silence because they deep down know the real reasons why they are here right now. Jenna begins to shake a bit and Dan feels sick again but they both just smile at each other and then Jenna tells him that the others are here too. So they walk downstairs together.

It’s like a mini-reunion but upon seeing everyone standing there, he quickly realizes that they’re missing someone. Steven isn’t here. Dan looked around to make sure he wasn’t just missing him.

“Where is Steven?” Jenna asks before anyone can say anything. She folds her arms over her chest, standing next to Dan.

Robbie stands up and Dan sees the pain behind his eyes, “Steven...Steven passed away. I got an unfortunate call from his wife.”

Everyone opens and closes their mouths and Dan particularly feels the wave crash over him. Did that fucker get to Steven first? How is that even possible? Steven didn’t live around here.

“I know you guys all have questions,” Joshua says, “And I’m sure that you already have some of the answers for them too.”

Dan nods along with the others. Joshua reaches down his side and opens the messenger bag on his shoulder, pulling out a notebook. As he does this, Dan turns his head and looks at Phil for the first time since he came downstairs.

Phil looks so much different. He’s wearing a pair of glasses and his black hair is pushed back into a quiff. His body has also filled out a lot more, more muscle and more definition. And if Dan wasn’t totally in love with him when they were teenagers, he definitely is now. He still is looking at Phil when he looks down at his hand and sees that Phil’s left hand is missing a ring.

His heart stutters for a moment.

“...So you all will need to go out and get that piece to put in our sacrifice to kill it.”

Dan wasn’t listening to much of what Joshua had told all of them. But he was listening now.

“So…” Bradley asks, sitting his hips against the bar behind him. “You’re asking us all to disperse on our own to relieve our teenage trauma just to find that missing piece.”

“Yes.”

“I’m not doing that,” The voice is Phil’s. He’s stood up straighter, his body a bit more rigid. “I can’t do that.”

“How do we even know where to look?” Dan speaks up. “This town is basically vacated. None of the locations we knew as teens are still going to be here.”

“Well, you have to try,” Joshua speaks up. “Or else we’re all going to end up like Steven.”

An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air and Dan swallows back the tension in his throat. He doesn’t want to do this. This seems like such a ridiculous idea and he really wants no part of it.

“If we all don’t get our objects,” Robbie says, speaking up again, “It’s not going to work.”

“So when do we need to have these found by?” Jenna asks, uncrossing her arms from her chest.

“We should all meet here by 6 tonight,” Joshua responds, “So we can make sure everyone has their object. We’ll also need to find Steven’s.”

“How are we going to find Steven’s?” Dan asks. “There isn’t…”

“We’ll find it,” Robbie speaks up, “We--we have to.”

The stutter in Robbie’s speech brings him back to the days of his youth when Robbie had a really bad speech impediment and Dan used to pick on him about it. Of course, he regrets all of that now, but he can’t take back what he did in the past.

“Okay, let’s break up then,” Bradley says, smoothing his hand over his face.

“I’m still not going to do this,” Phil says, standing his ground. “This isn’t worth it.”

“So everyone dying is?” Joshua asks, his voice serious. “If you don’t go and find your object, we’re all going to die. There is no question about it.”

No one else says anymore. Joshua and Robbie both leave and Bradley, Phil, and Jenna are left standing there. Jenna leaves eventually too and Dan stands there with Phil. He takes one last look at Phil before he leaves and he tries to ignore that he can clearly see Phil is crying. If he stays for a second longer, he’ll start to cry as well.

***

Dan doesn’t even know where to start. He gets into his car in the parking lot of the bed and breakfast and turns on the engine. He’s not sure where he wants to go, where he should go. He supposes he can just drive around because there has to be a sign somewhere.

He ends up on the main street and he finds himself parked in front of the old arcade. He remembers this arcade so clearly. It wasn’t really an arcade, it was a movie theater with some games in the front.

But Dan treated it like an arcade. He spent many afternoons here during the school year and during the summer. He particularly loved the Donkey Kong machine and as he opens his car door, he wonders if the machine is still here.

He gets up and walks towards the front of the dilapidated building and looks at the way the broken glass glistens in the sunlight behind him. The doors are completely broken open and when he looks down at the floor just beyond them, he can see many pieces of glass.

Maybe this wasn’t the best idea for him to come here.

But then he sees it in the distance, the donkey kong game that he used to play every single summer. He laughs to himself and braves the glass as he walks inside and goes over to the dust and cobweb-covered machine.

It probably doesn’t even work still, but he wants to try it out anyway. He pulls the sleeve of his jacket down over his hands and he quickly wipes the screen off and presses some buttons. The machine suddenly boots up and he laughs at the luck. He moves the joystick to the high scores and he feels a hit of nostalgia as he sees that his initials still hold all of the top ten spots.

He kind of wants to see if he can beat his old score. Just for the hell of it. But when he presses all of the buttons, it says he needs to insert one token and he knows that those must be long gone. But he starts to look for them anyway.

He looks beside the machine and on the floor and he looks inside the coin flaps of the machines in case any were left there and never picked up again. He kicks over a few pieces of glass, trying to be careful but still eager to find a token. He suddenly finds one and picks it up, looking it over in the sunlight.

It’s the classic gold token he remembers so much, having to pay a quarter for every token back in the day and his mom only giving him $2 at a time. He used to blow through all of that to play every game for as long as possible but sometimes that didn’t happen and he’d waste his token.

Especially when the bullies started to come more and more frequently. He remembers so vividly one day in particular. It was the summer after everything had happened with it. He came to the arcade every single day to get his mind off from the horrors he experienced and he quickly became a target.

He was called a nerd for a while. Weeb became more and more of an insult. But when the words stopped working, next came the punches and Dan became accustomed to them. They started calling him a ‘fag’ or a ‘homo’ and those were what stung the most.

He would always run to try and avoid them. Normally he ended up in the park across the street because he knew that’s where he could get away from them since the bullies didn’t dare to touch him while he was in front of everyone else.

Dan falls back to the present and looks down at the token in his hand. This has to be the object he needs to give to Joshua. He felt such a strong emotion from it just by picking it up in his hand.

He walks back out of the arcade and sucks in a breath as he sees a red balloon pass by him and continue down the street.

***

Dan winds up in the park by himself, twisting the token in the pocket of his jacket. It’s so empty around here now. It’s like no one even lives here anymore but really who can blame them? After all the horrific shit that happened, he’s surprised anyone stayed at all.

He’s sitting on the bench when he hears footsteps come up to him and he sees Phil standing in front of him, his own hands in his pocket as the cool spring breeze blew through, “Did you find your object?”

Dan nods and pulls out the token from his pocket, “Arcade token.”

Phil nods and takes a seat beside him, “I found mine too. My inhaler.”

“You used to rely on that all of the time,” Dan says with a chuckle. “I remember you wouldn’t go anywhere without it.”

“Did you know I didn’t even need this?” Phil asks, pulling it out of his pocket. “I was told a few years back that I didn’t even have asthma.”

“So what were you even using that for?” Dan asks because surely that’s not healthy.

“Nothing,” Phil says with a laugh. “I was just listening to what my mom told me.”

Dan just nodded and sat there,  silence between them.

“How is your wife doing?” Dan asks because he’s trying to just make polite conversation.

“Oh, we’re not together anymore,” Phil says. “We settled our divorce over a year ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Dan says biting his lip.

Phil just shrugs, “She reminded me too much of my mom.”

Dan let out a snort and Phil did too.

“Oh gosh.”

“Plus I just realized something about myself that...well, that made it so it was hard to fully be in love with her.”

Dan bites his lip and tries to not get his hopes up by what Phil means. Of course, Dan would love for his crush to be reciprocated after all of these years but he knows that that won’t ever happen.

“What about you?” Phil asks. “Never did hear much about you once you left.”

“Oh, I never really had any relationships,” Dan says at first. “I put so much focus on my comedy career and it’s finally starting to pay off. I have a big tour coming in the next few months.”

Phil smiles at him, “That’s awesome to hear.”

The wind bustles around them and the sky begins to darken as the night rolls in. Dan didn’t realize he had been out for so long. It feels like only an hour or so has passed.

“Hey, Dan,” Phil says, his voice wavering a bit, “Can I tell you something?”

Dan swallows back his feelings and nods, “Of course you can.”

Phil sucks his lips into a tight line and then opens them as he says, “It’s just...if I die here, I want someone to know this about me so I didn’t live my entire life a lie.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m gay.”

Dan fights back the smile that plays on his lips at Phil’s confession because as soon as the words sink in, Dan feels his tears well up in his eyes as well.  After all, he feels the exact same way. If he dies within the next few days, no one is going to know his secret either.

“Phil, I’m gay too,” Dan says.

Phil turns to him and forces a smile on his lips as a stray tear makes its way down his cheek and Dan fights back the tears that want to spill down his as well. He takes a few deep breaths.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad,” Phil chuckles out with a watery laugh.

Dan just nods and chuckles as well, “You’re the only person who knows.”

“You too, for me,” Phil says. “I haven’t told anyone else yet.”

The sun sets a bit lower and Dan feels his phone buzz in his pocket. Just as he grabbed at his, Phil grabbed at his own as well and sighed.

“It’s from Joshua,” Phil answers. “They all have their objects and are at the hotel so we should go too.”

“So this is really happening then?” Dan says, his voice wavering more. “We’re really going to finally kill this thing then?”

Phil nods, “I guess so.”

They stand up from the bench and make their way back to the main street. They round the corner towards the arcade and Dan sees his car is still sitting there. A single red balloon is floating next to the driver’s side window.

Dan takes a deep breath and he looks at Phil next to him as he takes one as well. As they walk towards the car, their hands brush for a second and Dan fights back the tears as he realizes that this may be the last time he can have a conversation like this with Phil.

Because they may not be alive after tonight.

Dan just prays to whatever God that is above that they can finally finish this battle tonight, kill the thing that’s been torturing them, and make it out alive. Because he wants to be able to see Phil on the other side.

And as Phil looks at him too, and their hands suddenly intertwine without either of them initiating it, Dan realizes there is nothing he wants more than to get revenge and move on with his life.

It’s time.

[shegoesbyarose]

All I Ask | Two

A/N: This is my take on Endgame Thor. Obviously, if you haven’t seen it, DO NOT read this. Really. You’ll spoil so much.

This is very very very late, but alas, it is finally here! It includes smut as requested by the lovely @coldmidnightlights ! I really tried! 

Part 1

Weakly proofread | GIF found via Google

Pairing: Thor x Black!OC | Song Inspo: All I Ask by Adele

Words: 3.3K | Warnings: Smut, Angst, PTSD, and Mental Health

tags | @kreolemami @chaneajoyyy @kpizzletrash @letsshamelessqueen-m @marvelmaree @nina-sj

All I Ask

Folding up a red, sleeveless shirt, Naomi roamed her bed that was consumed by a mountain of various clothing garments, and she spotted a pair of denim shorts. Leaning over, she grabbed them, pulling it up to her figure, noticing how her thighs peaked past the sides.

She sighed.

She knew that she’d put on a couple pounds over the past few months, but it didn’t really bother her. She’d never been a universal puzzle piece among the other ladies in her career. She was naturally thick, and no amount of training and diet changed that. And as long as she was able to keep up, which she certainly could, she saw no issue.

Pairing the two items together, she placed them in the open suitcase that sat on the floor near her the window. Straightening back up, she pushed her hair behind her ear.

Looking around the room for favorite pair of sandals, her eyes fell on the photo frames located across her dresser.

She licked her lips, instinct carrying her feet over to the reminders. Naomi grazed her hands over the first photo. It was of her and Nat, one of their first missions together as partners. Nat’s hair was still long and curled, and Naomi’s was freshly cut into an asymmetrical bob.

Both ladies were in cocktail gowns, and neither wore a smile. At least, not with their mouths. Naomi detected the lighthearted relation in their gaze, the pride that accompanied their successful completion of a rather difficult assignment.

Naomi pushed her lips together, swallowing the uncomfortable lump growing in the back of her throat. She then transitioned over to the next photo.

Again, just one look, and she returned to that moment in time. It was the night that they’d secured the tesseract from Hydra. Of course, they’d also lose it again later that night, but when the photo was taken, they were still oblivious to Stark and Banner’s secret project that would lead to the creation of Ultron.

A shot glass of alcohol pressed against his lips, one arm around her waist, her hand pressed against his chest, and a playful scowl on his face. He was enthusiastic that evening as was she. They’d planned to go on a brief getaway to celebrate the demise of a two-year-long mission. He’d spent his time traveling the nine realms both fulfilling his royal duties and assisting in the repair of the damage inflicted from Loki’s attack.

Namely, she also spent her time searching for the tesseract as well as dealing with the fallout from SHIELD. Their time together was limited, so there was ardent excitement at being able to leave without worrying about what occurred during their absence.

Licking her lips, she tasted the familiar salt. Sighing with frustration, she angrily wiped at her tears.

She sighed, going back upstairs to finish packing. She went to grab a few bras when she heard the creaking of the floorboard.

"What’s up, Korg?"

"I-" Naomi spun around to see Thor standing in the doorway, his eyes immediately going to the dresser beside her, the pictures.

She paused, unconsciously crossing her arms. "Hey."

"Hi." He cleared his throat. "I don’t mean to bother you-"

"You could never bother me, Thor," she interrupted quietly, opening and closing her mouth as she moved closer to him. "Come. Sit."

Recognizing the lack of available space, she immediately moved to push her pile of clothes toward the top of the bed. "Sorry."

"It’s-" he stopped, allowing her to finish. He waited for her to stand back up when she instead stayed seated, moving up, crossing her legs over each other.

Naomi licked her lips. When he made no effort to move, she patted the spot beside her. "Please."

For a few seconds, he did nothing, and Naomi considered standing back up. However, just as she straightened her back to get up, he made two short strides and gradually lowered himself onto the mattress.

Sitting across from him, Naomi forced her hands to remain at her side. It was hard for her to converse with him without there being any sort of physical contact.

And then she remembered why there was an additional layer of tension surrounding them.

The fight….

She turned her head, allowing her eyes to focus on a small, black, dress which she immediately connected to the last event she wore it for.

Date night…

"I’m sorry." She broke the silence, still determined to not allow their eyes to meet. "I-I should have talked it over with you first."

"Would it have made any difference?" There was an almost sarcastic tone to his voice that was also doubled with irritation. "Would it have affected your decision?"

She closed her eyes. "You know it wouldn’t….."

Diverting her gaze, she stared down at her lap, raking her nails over her brown skin. "He’s my brother, Thor."

"I understand that, Naomi."

"Do you?" She questioned softly, finally willing herself to look at him. "Because if you were in my situation, and if it were Loki-"

"Don’t." He immediately silenced her, his voice carrying the heavy weight of finality.

Naomi straightened up and contemplated her next statement. If this were a conversation that took place before the Snap, her response would be something entirely different from what she planned to say. They were different.

"I’m sorry," she relented and licked her lips. "I just-" Looking away, her throat tightened. She cursed. "I watched him kill my parents,-"

"I kno-"

"No," she interrupted. Naomi was doing everything in her power to be understanding, to be patient, and she was, more than anyone else left in Thor’s life. But she had her own trauma she was trying to manage, trauma she’d been neglecting because she was so focused on him. "He tortured them in front of me, all the while, telling me that I was next, that when he was done with us, he’d go after Sam." Her voice broke. "And that’s exactly what he’s done."

Thor’s gaze softened. Naomi was never one for tears, so seeing her so fragile before him stressed the depth of her pain. "Naomi-"

"My mom, my dad, my best friend-" her jaw trembled. "And I feel like I’m losing you too." It was something she absolutely hated admitting aloud, but it was the truth. She knew he still loved her, but she also knew that you could love someone and not want them around for a variety of reasons. "So, don’t-don’t sit here and tell me that I’m wrong for wanting to do this."

"I don’t think that you’re wrong, Naomi." He sighed, shaking his head. "I-" Now it was his turn to figure out if what he wanted or would say would be the truest testament to how he felt. "It’s dangerous. He is dangerous."

"I can do this, Thor. You know I can."

"No, I don’t, Naomi."

She leaned over and pressed her fingers against her temple. "Thor-"

"You know what I do know, though?" He didn’t wait for a response. "Every person that I have ever cared about, always, without a doubt, ends up hurt or dead."

"Thor-"

"Despite all of my efforts to keep them safe" As his eyes glazed, Naomi reached her hand out to grab his, surprised when he didn’t jerk away from her touch. "Nothing works. They leave or they die."

"Thor, that’s not going to happen to-"

"It already did, Naomi!" His volume increased to a level where she was sure Korg, Miek, and anyone within 100 yards of their home could hear. However, she remained still, watching as his anger quickly dispersed into another emotion, one he worked meticulously to hide but was always visible to her. Pain.

"I lost you." He whispered in a devastated voice. "For five years, five long fucking years, I’ve spent every day regretting everything I did and didn’t do because they all led up to what happened-"

"It wasn’t your fault-"

He waved her off, turning his head as the frustration started to return. "You keep saying that-"

"Because it’s true!" She interjected, emotion imbued in her voice. "I-I would give anything, anything to take away your pain, and I know that I can’t, but-" she also shook her head, jaw shaking as she realized she could no longer filter. It was time to lay it all out. "I am doing everything I can to let you know that I am here for you, that I love you with all that I have, but-" she allowed her tears to fall. "I’m hurting too, baby. I-Nat was my best friend. I loved her, and I also love you, so much, and I wish you would just give me a chance, something, because I need you, but I need you to need me back." She broke, covering her hands with her face as she took a deep, shaky breath that left her stomach quivering from the intensity of her emotions. "And I’m trying to be strong, for you, for me, for everyone, but now I may lose Sam, and I can’t-I can’t lose him too, Thor. I-I can’t."

The Asgardian’s head dropped. He knew that Naomi was trying, and yes, he too continued to struggle, but in the midst of his dwelling on his loss, he continued to take advantage of what the universe had granted him. Naomi was alive, she was real, and she wasn’t asking much from him, just a chance. Just for him to show her that he still cared for her, that he still wanted them to be together, that he still loved her.

Naomi felt both shame and frustration. The last thing she wanted to do was have a breakdown, let alone in front of him. She was supposed to be there for him, be strong for him, and yet….

"I’m sorry." Berating herself for being so vulnerable, she twisted her body to get up from out the bed and relocate her mini-breakdown into the privacy of her bedroom. However, just as she went to rise up, he stopped her.

Naomi looked down with uncertainty, her eyes never leaving his as he gradually pulled her toward him. Before she could even reassure herself that he was offering what she thought he was, she pushed herself into his side, directing her tears into his shoulder.

Eyes closed as she silently cried into him, he allowed his arm to move around her body, his hand on her hip. "I’m sorry, Naomi."

As he spoke into the top of her head, Naomi struggled with her emotions that were already all over the place. This was what she’d been craving for so long, to be close to him, to be near him, to be with him. She’d tried her best to give him the space that he needed, to allow him to initiate when he was ready. Of course, things rarely happened as they were supposed to.

Calming herself down for a few seconds, she looked up at him, her eyes and face damp with her tears. Mouth slightly parted, she watched as he met her gaze, his eyes briefly dropping to her lips. She was unsure as to how much, if at all, she would regret what she did next, but at that moment, she couldn’t care less.

She needed him.

Pushing up, she pressed her lips against his, her hand going to palm his face. She felt his initial resistance and responded with further molding of her body against his, and when his hand near her hip moved to graze her ass and the underside of her thigh, she moaned.

Placing her other hand on his face to deepen their kiss—God, she’d missed the feel of his lips on her—she sat up and swung her leg over his lap so that she was straddling him. His stomach created a slight barrier between them, but nothing that could hinder the intensity of their kiss that was becomingly increasingly heated by the second.

He finally broke it, eyes closing. "Naomi…"

"Please," she whispered, pressing her forehead against his. "Please, baby." She inched away from him to reach for the bottom corner of her camisole, lifting it over her head and tossing it on the floor. "I need you. I-I need this."

Hands moving down his shoulders, she panted slightly while trying to push down his cardigan. "I’m not going anywhere." A beat. "Pl-"

Naomi was suddenly on her back, Thor hovering over her, his mouth latched to her neck, her mouth ajar, hands exploring his body. From there, desires were blurred. He wanted to savor this, each second of exploration reminding him how much he’d missed this, missed her while Naomi was yearning for his touch, for the familiar stretch that left her clawing his back until she drew blood.

They both wanted the same thing but had different ideas on how to attain it.

"Please," she panted, pushing up against him to remove her bra when he reached behind her, snapping it off with one swipe. She moaned, pulling his lips back on her as he disposed of his cardigan only for him to trail his lips down her face, neck, and latching onto her nipples.

Moaning and writhing against the pillow, her fingers pushing at the waistband of his sweats. "Stop teasing me."

"I’ve waited too long. Let me savor this moment.”

The anticipation was grueling but his sentiments were reciprocated except the god above her possessed a greater amount of patience and restraint. Naomi was restless, eager, ravenous for his touch, to feel him in a way she’d been starved of for far too long.

“Thor.” A breathy whisper as her fingers crawled down to feel him, her nails grazing his thick shoulders. “Say it.” Eye closing as she pressed into his skin like her loved pushed through his walls. “I-I need you to hear you say it.”

Thor was teetering into complete surrender to his desire as well so he dumbly questioned, failing to see past mere words. “What?”

Naomi lifted her eyes open to ensure she grabbed at his beard, forcing his vivid blue eyes to stare into her warm brown orbs. She licked her lips, nerves trying to get the best of her. “Tell me you love me.”

It wasn’t even the request that startled him. It was the emotion. The vulnerability. The sentimentality. The fear. Naomi rarely bared her emotions, so this blatant display of transparency created unfamiliarity within the god.

A few additional seconds of longing was enough to increase her anxiety, prompting her to sit up, hands still gripping his shoulders. Thor offered no objection as she repositioned them so that she was straddling him, her eyes clenching shut at the feel of his hardened member grazing her seeping core.

Typically, foreplay preceded penetration, but this wasn’t a typical sexual escapade. This was lovemaking in the form of the purest and most innocent level, a higher form of intimacy where intertwined bodies conversed and conveyed feelings and emotion that word failed to accurately embody.

Starvation clouded her sentences as Naomi welcomed the almost vaguely familiar stretch and fill as she guided his thick length inside of her weeping opening. Her essence saturated both of them.

Low profanities slipped past her pressed lips. She’d almost forgotten what this felt like, what he felt like. It still amazed her how she was able to take all of him as she did.

Thor kept his hands on her hips, helping to guide her, his eyes never leaving her face, searching for any indication that she wanted to stop even though he knew that stopping was the last thing on her mind.

Naomi placed her hands on top of his and squeezed. As she finally acclimated to his girth, forbidden words were replaced with pleads. She wanted, needed to hear him say it. For her own sanity.

“I love you, Naomi.” His eyes never left her face, watching the scrunch of her brows, nose, and the tremble of her lips as the declaration finally escaped the depths of his fear. “I love you.”

She sniffled, moving her hands to his belly, stabling herself as she welcomed a slow pace. Back and forth. Gradually, finding her comfort and basking in the comfort of confirmation. She hadn’t realized that despite her best attempts at self-pep talks, she needed him to verbalize it.

She needed to hear it.

“I love you, Thor.” Her voice cracked in conjunction with the bed beneath them creaking from the steadily increasing pace as she rode him. “P-p-please don’t leave me.”

Clarity replaced clouded judgment as Thor recognized the latent content of her heartfelt request. His ability to recognize underlying meaning improved with each statement that left her full lips. Their fears were one and the same, just masked with different packaging.

He feared to lose her, again, in a physical sense. She feared to lose him in an emotional sense. The same outcome. Different paths. One result.

Heartache.

They both were fighting for and against something not realizing that their actions were playing into what they feared the most.

Loss

Grabbing her arm and pulling her down against him, Naomi moaned into his soft kiss as he lifted his hips, amplifying the depth and speed of the thrusts.

“I won’t leave you,” he vowed as she brought her hands to either side of his face, her forehead pressed against his, eyes clenched shut. “I promise.”

She swallowed back a scream. The love, verbal and physical, it was all so overwhelming. She finally receiving the comfort and intimacy she’d desired for so long. And much like his opening decree, Thor enjoyed every minute of it, every stroke, every touch, taste, and feel of her soft body against his. He savored their time and her like it was his last day in Valhalla.

Likewise, Naomi cherished him, his love, him, up until her body couldn’t physically withstand anymore.

When all was said, done, and depleted, she curled up beside him, arm across his core, her hand softly caressing circles on his stomach.

He kept her close to him. Proximity was everything to the king these days. Silence was okay for a short amount of time, but Naomi recognized that there was still a conversation to be had.

“You know I have to go….”

He sighed, kissing the top of her head. “I do.”

She peered up and smiled sadly. “I’m coming back, Thor. With Sam. I’ll be okay.” She added. “Bucky is going with me.”

“The one-armed man?” Naomi muffled a giggle. She missed this. His humorous naivety. “The one who shot you?” His hand instinctively moved down to the scar left from a mission that left her facing off against the Winter Soldier.”

“He’s better now, Thor. And he won’t let anything happen to me.”

“Neither would I.”

“I know, baby, but this isn’t exactly a Stormbreaker worthy mission. It’s a rescue mission, and it’s-“

“Personal,” he finished for her, lightly rubbing her back. A few seconds of silence. “If you’re not back in three days-“

“You’ll burn down everything to come find me,” she smiled shyly, lifting her hand to his face and gently pressing her lips against his. “I will come back, Thor.”

He kissed her palm. “You better.”

Eyes watering at the love she felt and saw in his eyes, she warmly exclaimed, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He pressed his lips against hers, soft and sweet, transitioning into hot and steamy. Naomi went to shift so that she could move her legs over him when the door swung open.

“Hey, Ms. Naomi, do you know what station Lifetime i—oh my god!"

“Korg!"

[chessdaze]

Day 3 of my @khoc-week​ catch up!

  Friends or Lovers? Show and tell who your OC is familiar with! Any friends? A Significant Other? Or maybe an enemy? Draw a picture of them with their best friend(s), enemy, or special someone! Or write a one shot about them interacting or going on a mission together. 

OH BOY I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THIS. But I wanted to focus on two relationships in particular with Atlas - that with his mentor/father figure Wynter and that with his two best friends Kei and Quest (who were briefly shown in yesterday’s prompt!). family figures weren’t really in the prompt but I went with it anyways because I HAVE to talk about Wynter. 

Wynter is the reason that heartsmiths exist, he’s an incredibly powerful magic user. He’s also the reason Atlas is even alive, so of course he’s an important figure in Atlas’s life. Including Atlas’s wonderland background which he doesn’t recall, Wynter is the only father figure he’s ever had. Atlas loves Wynter. However, there was a big strain on their relationship during the time leading up to the keyblade war.

Readmore time

Wynter is a keyblade user. I’ve done a piece of him with his keyblade here, besides probably MoM, he’s probably the eldest keyblade wielder in Daybreak Town. However he doesn’t use his keyblade for fighting heartless  on a normal basis as it has a very specific trait. It can freeze someone’s heart in time. Thus the name ‘hand of time’. A theme of Wynter’s character is that he’s stuck in time and not able to move forward and his keyblade and it’s power are a reflection of that and how his heart is stagnant - which is like a punch to the gut when MoM is explaining all of this to him (MoM and Wynter are like old buds).

As the keyblade war draws closer it becomes clear why Wynter was given this particular keyblade with this particular power. He aims to have Atlas survive the keyblade war through freezing his heart and body in time. He knows of the dandelions via Quest (who was chosen to be apart of the dandelions - but more on that when i get to him and kei), and wants to freeze Atlas in time and then let the dandelions/Ava know of his location so after the danger has passed they can retrieve him. But things never go as planned. 

Atlas refused, almost violently so, when the idea was brought up. In the end. Quest and Kei had to hold Atlas down while Wynter stabbed him with his keyblade. Hence the below picture (which was like one of the first i drew with atlas ever - and of wynter’s keyblade it’s changed a bit since this look):

As one can imagine, this wasn’t great on their relationship. In Atlas’s main story, he ends up drifting with the heartsmith’s shop/forge in the space between (being a ‘mini world’ in its own right), Wynter’s notes being scattered to the worlds (like ansem’s reports - and his notes on heartsmithing is a precursor to keyblade armor being made, but that’s an entirely different ramble), and doesn’t awake until the guardians of light find him 1000+ years later. 

After awaking he has so many mixed emotions about his mentor. He’s angry that Wynter took the opportunity for him to help wielders away, he’s angry that he was pretty much forced to have a keyblade he never wanted (in stabbing atlas with the keyblade, atlas pretty much became the successor to it), and being left all alone without his friends or his family was just...sad. He blamed Wynter and his two best friends for the longest time.

REWIND A SEC AND I’LL TALK ABOUT ATLAS, KEI, AND QUEST. 

I have dubbed them the ‘ribbon trio’ as their design all involve ribbons. my sister has also affectionally called them the ‘rose buds’ because of this picture below and thinking on it, it fits because of Atlas’s past with wonderland, Quest being from Beast’s Castle, and Kei’s family being florists.

here’s another one because they’re cute

As mentioned above, Quest is from Beast’s Castle. His parents died during the plague and he had been having a rough childhood when he was given the power of the keyblade and was able to go to daybreak town and join a union. Considering the state he was in (practically skin and bones), Gula was surprised when he appeared and wanted to join Leopardos. He had to be nursed back to a fighting health but when he was able he became a party leader and lead the party the Chevaliers (I did a photoset of them here).

Kei is from daybreak town and her family are the local florists (see a picture of her and her sibs here). She was the only one gifted with the power of the keyblade and felt the need to become stronger and stronger so she could protect her family - and so she joined Ursus. She’s known as a ‘party hopper’ because as soon as she thought she learned all she could from a party - or if she became the most powerful one in a party - she left in search of new challenges.

They both met Atlas via the heartsmith shop, and while kei and quest didn’t quite see eye to eye at first - Atlas was the glue that kept them together and eventually they became closer and could consider eachother friends aswell. 

Leading up to the keyblade war, the one chosen to become a dandelion was Quest. He was extremely torn over it, not sure what to say or what to do. Some dandelions mentioned that it might be useful to have a heartsmith with them because ‘who knows what could happen’ so Quest asked Ava about Atlas joining. However only keyblade wielders could join - so Quest left to ask Wynter if he planned to pass his keyblade onto Atlas, if he became a wielder then he could become a dandelion. 

He was explaining this to Atlas when Kei suddenly appeared and started an argument about Quest picking Atlas over her- and why she wasn’t chosen to be in this special group of wielders. This caused a huge rift between the three. Atlas became too busy with wielders flooding into the heartsmiths shop for repairs and upgrades before the war to really tackle the issue - but Kei and Quest were at odds for quite some time. Eventually they came to terms with eachother and the problem at hand -- and they both quit their unions to become heartsmiths instead. 

pictured in the main photo at the bottom is sort of what directly came after that - Wynter stating his plan to freeze Atlas in time and Atlas retaliating. Quest and Kei both agreed it was for the best, and that they would do their best to become even half the heartsmith that Atlas was. But of course Atlas still wasn’t having it - and to save their friend from the war they held him down in a chair while Wynter stabbed him with the keyblade.

The two of them then had a crash course of how to be a heartsmith and not long after the war happened. 

I feel like I should say it doesn’t end well for any of them. 

Wynter dies before the war even begins. He uses the last of his strength from non stop weeks of working to send the heartsmith shop into the space between after Kei and Quest leave - has enough time to reach his twin sister Crystal (who is the local baker), then dies in her arms. 

Kei and Quest both die on the battle field - Kei dies protecting Quest dies protecting a wielder (I’ve plotted it out with friends that he protects the player character pretty much and it’s the reason that the dandelions are able to reach them in time). Kei and Quest’s hearts however find themselves at the heartsmith shop in the space between - and for those 1000 + years, they protect Atlas.

However they get corrupted over time and become phantoms which is where the darkling like designs i made come into play. When the guardians of light reach the shop - they have to fight passed Kei and Quest to get to atlas because they’re still trying to protect Atlas even if they’ve been lost to the darkness. 

Kei and Quest are freed from the darkness after they are defeated, and they stay long enough to see atlas being awoken before vanishing from sight. 

So as you can tell ATLAS HAS A LOT OF FEELINGS AFTER WAKING UP/HIS TIME BEGINNING AGAIN. And I just....love his dynamic with his friends/mentor so much okay.

And as a fun fact - since trios sometimes have an object that’s related to them. Besides ribbons TM Atlas, Quest, and Kei all have actual keys and armbands that are personalized to them. Kei has a flower design on her key, Quest has a star design, and Atlas has a heart design. Wynter made these all from them - and they’re literally all keys to the heartsmtih shop. Atlas was given one at first but when it was clear how close he was to Quest and Kei, Wynter made the other two keys by hand and gave them to the two. Kei suggested the armbands and Quest found them and atlas fashioned the chains they all hang off of. 

Now I’ve rambled enough about that ONTO CANON CHARACTERS.

Sadly the above picture took me forever and I don’t have the energy to draw much else but here’s a small comic I made for a friend when we were plotting things together - because of course Atlas knows Ventus and they probably have a deep connection even if Ven doesn’t remember him. Sadly I never finished this comic but maybe one day....

and honestly I could ramble for hours about how Atlas would mesh well with a lot of the canon KH characters. He’s literally a therapist, it’s his job to talk to people and help them through problems AND BOY DO WE KNOW THE CANON KH PEEPS GOT SOME TRAUMA. and he’d want to help all of them the best he could. I can see him and Riku getting close especially. And he would definitely want to talk with Aqua after all of her time in the realm of darkness. 

as a small bonus have the first picture I ever drew of the ribbon trio+ wynter together! Their designs haven’t changed much since this - aside from a few small things. I think the major things that changed is that atlas doesn’t wear his glasses on a normal basis and both Quest’s and Wynter’s hair is longer. 

[lycorogue]

Gabriel Agreste: A 3-Part Character Study

Part 1: Why a Character Study?

I actually had to revise this about three or four times before getting to a point where I felt comfortable posting it. Even so, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this three-part series, or just post the second and third parts as separate entities.

See, this whole thing started off as a simple observation/shower-thought, and just grew. Shower-thought became a mini-essay on how Gabriel SHOULD have been written to be a sympathetic character, and how they got him wrong. As I was writing it, the mini-essay somehow transitioned into a sort of headcanon character-study short story.... thing. It would have been easy enough to post the short by itself, but I felt I would have also needed a bunch of “I'm not condoning Gabe's actions” disclaimers. Likewise, the “how he should have been written” mini-essay could have stood on it's own, but I like tying them all together. In the end, I felt this introduction to explain my train-of-thought would help improve the next two parts of this series.

If you want to just get to the short story that makes up Part 2, you can jump to it here. If you want to just get to my essay about how I feel Gabriel should have been written, you can find Part 3 here. If you do want to know how my mind created either of the above parts, you can read more below the break.

This whole project started on Friday when I was working on a scene where Adrien (as Chat Noir) hears a story of Tom and Sabine having a bonding moment with Marinette when she was only about five. Most people would probably default to “Adrien has no clue what that's like” or “He only had bonding moments like that with his mom.” I was going to have the same thought, but after watching Style Queen and how Gabriel spoke both to and of Emilie, I wondered if he was more affectionate when she was around. Maybe the reason Adrien still craves his father's love so much, and accepting of any shown, is because Gabriel has only been this cold since Emilie “disappeared.” Maybe Adrien is used to his father actually being a decent father. Adrien is smiling in the family portrait with both of his parents. Perhaps Gabriel used to laugh and run around with his son, having water balloon fights or something. Wouldn't that be fun to picture? Adrien even stated in the Adrien’s Double Life webisode that his father has changed since his mother's disappearance.

Something kept pulling me from that thought, though. Adrien still calls his dad Father. If this cold distance - this wall between them - is only a year or so old, why would Adrien be accustomed to calling his dad something so formal if he also calls Nathalie by her first name and his mother Mom. Clearly this isn't a strictly formal family or upbringing.

No, while I'd like to believe that Gabriel was more attentive and nurturing with his son at least while Emilie was around, I still don't see him and Adrien bonding. It still seems too formal a relationship. I've seen too many of my friends refer to the step-father that raised them and bonded with them as Dad while their biological father they barely see is “father.” It's an impersonal sign of reluctant respect.

That being said, Gabriel couldn't possibly be just this cold, cruel person; the epitome of this cruel characteristic shown in Sandboy when he ordered Nooroo to not speak, and sealing the kwami's mouth as “a joke.” (Side note: I’d like to think that Gabriel didn’t realize he had THAT much power, but didn’t want to show weakness by apologizing, so he played it off as “it was just a joke, seriously...”) Anyway, my point is that I don’t believe Gabe could have been this way his whole life. He seems to surround himself with too sweet of people: Nathalie, The Gorilla, and Emilie (based on how Adrien misses her and speaks fondly of her). If the school threw a friggen party to celebrate Chloe moving to NYC (as seen in Malediktator), there's no way the Gabe we know could attract the loyalty (and love) of the sweethearts we know are closest to him. Besides, I know Thomas Astruc must be trying to make Gabriel a sympathetic villain. All of the reveals about Emilie, The Scene between Gabe and Nathalie in the beginning of Queen Wasp, and the rare moments of Gabriel bonding with Adrien; they all seem to be leading us to at least sympathize with Gabriel's plight. Maybe even see ourselves in him: being so in love with someone no one and nothing else matters but them.

This is when I transitioned into my “how he should have been written” mini-essay which takes up Part 3 of this series. Again, if you want to jump to that you can do so here.

So then I tried to move back to my original quandary about Gabriel being so maddeningly in love with Emilie, but still distant from Adrien the kid's whole life. How could that be possible? How is this the same man: so full of love and yet unsure how to showcase it? That's when I thought about someone in my personal life who seemed to answer the enigma.

See, I was fortunate enough to grow up with parents very similar to Tom and Sabine, so a cold, distant, neglectful and/or abusive parent is a foreign concept to me. I knew that Gabriel had to have a reason though. He doesn't hate Adrien. He's not purposely cruel to his son (and we have seen that Gabe’s not above being cruel in order to try to akumatize someone). While it’s clear that Gabriel has no clue how to show it, and is going at parenting in a horrendous way, there are still scenes that prove that he does very much love Adrien and wants him safe.

Sure, Nathalie pointed out in Style Queen how much danger Adrien tends to be put in (if only they truly knew), however, Gabriel has a contingency. If he fails, and Ladybug cleanses the akuma, then she can restore Paris. And any harm that befell Adrien would be reversed. We'll pretend PTSD and other such mental/emotional trauma is also taken care of.... On the flipside, if Hawk Moth wins, then he has both Miraculouses and the power of a god. He can revive Emilie. He can heal or revive Adrien as well. He can do whatever the hell he damn well pleases, and his family will be healed and whole again. So, to him, Adrien isn't REALLY in danger. At most the kid would be scared until the battle is over.  

So what IS the deal? I don't know if this is truly what Astruc is aiming for, but based on that IRL person I spoke of a couple paragraphs ago, I suspect Gabriel acts the way he does and seems so callous towards Adrien because he loves Emilie TOO much.

In the latest episodes we’ve seen more and more of Gabriel’s drive for being Hawk Moth. In the first Origins episode we are introduced to Nooroo via Gabe closing the Moth broach with a picture of Emilie inside. In the Christmas special we know that Gabe is more closed off than usual due to the loss of his wife. Zombizou closes the akuma portion of the episode with HM stating that he’s certain to have his wish granted if love is so powerful. We see him visit Emilie in Style Queen to talk about how much he misses her, and how much he's trying to get her back. Finally, in Queen Wasp we witness the anguish Gabriel feels in “failing” her, as well as his sincere belief that Adrien would understand everything Gabe is doing once Emilie is back home and with them again.

Long and short? It is painfully obvious that Emilie was this man's sun and moon. She was his world; his heart; his everything. He is but a shell without her. Nathalie tries to be his conscious and compassion, but it doesn’t have the same affect due to his blind, tunnel vision love for his wife. It SHOULD be sweet. Key word there though is SHOULD.

Again, I go into more about this in my “How Gabriel/Hawk Moth Should Have Been Written” essay in Part 3.

Getting back to my IRL example. I know a man whose wife was his everything. You wouldn't realize this at first, because the two of them were like the old couple neighbors from 1950s sitcoms. The Bickersons. Stick around long enough though, and you’d see that the wife was the pumice stone that filed off the husband’s rough edges. She truly was the light of his life, his everything, and even his compassion towards other human beings, which is now very much how I picture Gabriel and Emilie.

The wife of this IRL couple originally thought she couldn’t have children. Then, as a “honeymoon gift,” she got pregnant with her first. Of course this made the baby girl their little miracle. The wife doted on her daughter. She knew no love greater than that of being a mother. Her attention was mostly - and appropriately - aimed at her child. Unfortunately, this made the husband jealous.

He wouldn’t say as much, and I know he tried to not act upon it. He tried bonding with his daughter, and mostly did a good job. She does have pleasant memories of him. However, as she grew up, and her mother became her best friend - and vise versa – the husband became more jealous and salty. He loved his child, but he wasn’t as compassionate or empathetic as his wife was. His job with this young woman was to raise, to teach, and to protect. Not to bond. His wife was the only one worthy of bonding with. The rest of humanity sucks.

Thinking about this man was the initial inspiration for this whole trek to try to explain Gabriel, and potentially what Astruc had planned for him. I could see Gabriel being very much the same way: an overly devoted husband, and a descent father, even if he wasn't one that really bonded with his son.

As I was writing out more of this essay on how I now picture Gabriel as this man I know IRL, I realized it had a sort of story element to it, so I ran with it. You can read my pseudo-short about my new headcanon of Gabriel and his relationship with his family prior to us meeting him in the series in Part 2.

Please know that in no way am I condoning his behavior both as a villain and as a parent. I'm not even really condoning his actions as a husband. It does help me, though, to better understand him as a character. To understand why he acts the way he does.

For those interested, I'll see you in Part 2.

[ohhoneato]

So if anyone would like to know how just weird last night (technically this morning) went:

So I sat down to play a card game (very nerd card game, cause bff wants to quit smoking, so she went to a much more expensive habit of Magic because of her boyfriend) with bff, roommate and roommate's boyfriend.

But before we started playing, I asked bff if she wanted any of the edibles gummies I'd gotten, because I'd gotten some delta 9 gummies earlier in the day. She says yes, we each eat exactly half the package, 2 1/2 gummies. The amount in each gummy was the exact amount we've had before, that hadn't done literally anything to us and we've actually required the whole package to get high.

Anyways. We eat the gummies, we play for a bit. And then, the big reason I didn't want to play anyone but bff in Magic, we get into a fight. Not even about the game, but roommate is invalidating bff's trauma by telling her to just have blind trust in her partner when bff was being vulnerable and opening up to us all. Roommate decides to stop playing, bff starts organizing her giant amount of dice that she randomly poured out by the number it rolled in sadness, and I'm just sitting there wanting to go to bed now, I'm pissed off.

I eventually get food, eat like one burrito and, at bff's request, roommate comes back out to talk things out. I'm like slightly high by this point, we've been vaping too, but I'm not too bad and I'm reasonably angry at the situation still. She comes out and apologizes to both of us, then immediately starts saying what she was saying again, despite knowing she had a misunderstanding initially in what bff was talking about. It was literally just stuff about how she shouldn't let her father, who mentally abused her, is mentally abusing her sister actively right now, and mentally abused her mom for 25 years of unhappy and borderline abusive marriage, as a narcissistic, control her actions with her relationship. Which, one, if she actually believed she'd misunderstood, she wouldn't have felt the need to say that. Because bff wasn't doing any action or considering any action that would be considered letting that control her actions. Second, you, as a trauma survivor, who got the absolute pulp beaten out of you daily by your own mother, are telling her to just drop her trauma?! She of all people should have known that there's things that trauma survivors just do, that aren't even harmful or anything. She legitimately was just talking about observing her boyfriend's reactions when being proved wrong, so she doesn't have to find out after marrying him by accident that he's just like her father. She's not going to purposely put him in that situation. She realized, "oh hey, this will happen eventually! I get to see what he's like in this situation!" And got attacked for it.

So, so I don't start another fight, I exit the room. I sit down to eat at my desk and slowly realize that I'm getting higher. I decide to lay down after eating and realize I'm blazed out of my mind. I'm sitting there, playing solitaire on my phone, listening to Distractable on Spotify. The episode I'm on is too real for me, I start going into a mini panic attack, immediately stop it and go onto YouTube instead. Bff comes in and asks if I'm high. It all hit me at 4:30 in the morning. I tell her yes and sorry I didn't measure it out, our guy just has weak shit. Roommate comes in and somehow we're all joking and I apologize, which I couldn't have meant, because I knew I was still angry, but was high af so I didn't have the mental capacity to care or think. I didn't want to apologize until I was sober and could mean what I said, but roommate wanted to sleep peacefully. I don't even know how they resolved everything, I just sat in the bedroom, scared I'd have to comfort crying bff while high off my ass.

Turns out, crying sounds I'd heard were her cat, who just wanted out a door, he didn't care which one. And they were laughing. So I guess it got solved pretty well. I just hope roommate didn't end up convincing bff that her trauma was invalid. Her boyfriend seemed to understand really well, as a survivor of domestic abuse from his last girlfriend.

Anyways, we went to bed at 5:30 am, high off our asses and my mom is supposed to be driving 4 hours to visit us and get here at 4 pm at the latest. I'm legitimately surprised that I woke up before 3.

[girlsbtrs]

The Five Best Songs in Movie Scenes, According to a High School Senior

Written by Jennifer Moglia. Graphic by Laura Cross. 

As a girl who was born in the 2000s, lived out my childhood in the 2010s, and turned 18 years old in the year 2021,  all forms of media have played a huge role in my experiences growing up. From movies and TV shows to all different types of music to YouTube videos and social media creators, I’ve spent a large portion of my life watching other people do things, whether it was acting, singing, playing an instrument, or even just reviewing makeup products on Vine or TikTok. 

However, one of these mediums has stood out from the rest; movies (or as the nerd in me would like to call them, “films”). As a freshman in high school, I decided to try to start watching more movies when I realized that my favorites consisted solely of Disney cartoons and the occasional cheesy rom-com. 

Over the years, I’ve practically exhausted Netflix and Hulu’s libraries, bought a ridiculous amount of DVDs, and my Letterboxd diary has just reached 200 films (shameless self-promo, you can follow me there @happilyjennifer). When watching movies, especially ones that I’ve never seen before, I always try to pay attention to the music used in each scene - not the instrumental score, but the specific songs used to highlight pivotal moments. 

The right track can make a sad scene heart-wrenching or a happy scene exhilarating, a romantic scene fairy tale-worthy or a death scene absolutely traumatic; a particular song can elevate a key scene in a film, making it that much more impactful. So, without further ado, here are my five favorite uses of songs in movie scenes, from films I’ve seen throughout my 18 years.

Honorable Mention: Heroes by David Bowie in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”

Some might be shocked at this scene’s placement in the “honorable mention” section due to how revered it is, but that’s almost why it lands there. This film and book have both been overhyped to death as a coming-of-age staple for as long as I can remember, and for that reason, I was underwhelmed when I first read and watched it. 

However, I don’t think it should suffer because of its reputation, which is why I simply couldn’t pick a numbered spot for it. Standing alone as a scene, without any of the praise, this song and movie combination is absolutely breathtaking. 

The visual of Emma Watson’s character Sam standing up in the car with Patrick and Charlie, her arms outstretched as the trio zooms through the tunnel to the city, is a visceral experience. Charlie proclaiming that he feels “infinite” is the cherry on top - he finally feels free, free from any past trauma or current stresses or general pressures of being a teenager. 

It’s a beautiful moment, and it’s made iconic by the addition of Bowie’s hit song. The pairing of Heroes with “Perks”’ instantly recognizable “tunnel scene” is unforgettable.

5. God Only Knows by The Beach Boys in “Love Actually”

As a member of “Gen Z”, you won’t be surprised to hear that my attention span is not the best. That’s why, at times, “Love Actually” dragged a bit for me - I felt that the two-hour and 15-minute runtime was just a little much, especially with so many different stories to keep up with. 

Despite all of that, though, I think that the ending practically saves this movie. The words “one month later” flash across the screen, and we are brought to Heathrow Airport, the place that David, played by Hugh Grant, spoke of at the beginning of the film. 

We’re reminded of his opening sentiment, that whenever he’s feeling down, he thinks back to watching families reuniting at the gates in this airport, and he instantly feels better. It’s a perfect opening to a film about love, and calling back to it makes for a perfect ending. 

The viewers see each of the film’s stories wrapped up neatly with a bow, particularly helpful for people like me who practically forgot about some of the characters by the time the two-hour mark was reached. What really makes this scene one of my favorites, though, is the very end of it. 

As the lyrics “God only knows what I’d be without you” repeat and start to fade out, we are taken away from our characters and the screen now shows real families reuniting in Heathrow Airport, not actors. The clips form a collage and then, ultimately, a heart, before it all fades to black. True human connection can warm even the coldest of hearts, and this classic love song by The Beach Boys is the perfect soundtrack to these heartfelt moments.

4. Fooled Around and Fell in Love by Elvin Bishop in “Guardians of the Galaxy”

Throughout my middle school and early high school years, I knew more about Marvel movies than I did about my family or the material I was learning in school. I saw “Avengers: Age of Ultron” in theaters five times, skipped my first spring formal dance to see “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” in 3D on opening night, and even had a personalized Iron Man sweatshirt that I wore nearly every day.

The Marvel franchise that utilizes music, or at least recognizable music, the most is definitely the “Guardians of the Galaxy” series. Chris Pratt’s character Peter “Star Lord” Quill’s mother made mixtapes for him while she was still in his life, filled with pop music from the 1970s-80s that she listened to when she was younger.

Titled “Awesome Mix Volume 1”, Quill becomes attached to it as it was one of the only items he had left of his mother after they were separated. The music that she shared with him becomes a key piece of this movie as well as its sequel, from Baby Groot swaying in a flower pot to “I Want You Back” by the Jackson 5 to Star Lord completing a mission while Redbone’s “Come And Get Your Love” plays through his headphones.

My favorite use of a classic song in a “Guardians” movie, though, is in an interaction between Quill and his love interest, Gamora. The two are bonding over their unusual relationships with their parents with Quill talking about how music connects him to his mom, pulling out his tape deck and headphones.

The dynamic between the two characters here is hilariously adorable, as Gamora explains that she doesn’t believe in music or dancing, which appalls Quill and leads to him explaining the plot of the movie “Footloose” to her, applying it to the people on her planet. He then takes off his headphones and puts them on her head, allowing her to listen to “Fooled Around and Fell in Love”, though she doesn’t quite appreciate the moment, talking over the music about how the “melody is very pleasing.”

I’m a sucker for awkwardly cute couples and the mini enemies-to-lovers storyline between Star Lord and Gamora gives me butterflies every time; I can’t help but giggle when Quill goes in for the kiss and Gamora immediately pulls a weapon on him. The use of such a well-known love song makes this moment that much sweeter.

3. Where is my Mind? by The Pixies in “Fight Club”

Yes, I realize that I’m automatically breaking the first rule of “Fight Club” by even listing it here, but I had to. This is a movie that countless people (men, countless men) had told me to watch for years, and I finally caved about a year ago out of “quarantine boredom.”

While I don’t praise this film as much as others do (men, as much as men do), I can certainly appreciate the influence that it has had on the world of film at large. There’s a lot of commentary on consumerism, violence, individualism, and the concept of masculinity packed into these two hours, even though many people (you know what these parentheses are about to say: many men) miss all of that and just watch it for the fight scenes.

The scene I chose from “Fight Club” as one of my favorites uses of a song in a film is the ending, which includes “Where is my Mind?” by The Pixies. The Narrator (Ed Norton) has just shot himself, effectively killing his alternate personality of Tyler Durden, and his love interest Marla (Helena Bonham Carter) has been kidnapped and brought to him by his Project Mayhem workers.

Marla is horrified upon finding The Narrator in the condition that he’s in and learning that he’s the one who put himself in this situation, or at least he thinks so. All he can offer to her is to say this: “I'm sorry...you met me at a very strange time in my life.” This is when the buildings start to fall.

All of the explosives planted by Project Mayhem begin to detonate, exploding and imploding as Marla and The Narrator look on, The Pixies’ hit playing softly in the background. She looks startled at first, before relaxing and allowing him to take her hand, and the two watch the city crumble to the ground with “Where is my Mind?” as the backing track; it’s masterfully done.

2. Everytime by Britney Spears in “Spring Breakers”

I want to start this section by saying that I’m fully aware that this scene shouldn’t work, let alone be beautiful, and the same could be said for this movie as a whole, but for some reason, there’s something captivating about “Spring Breakers” and the renowned “Everytime” scene. Netflix first suggested this movie to me as a freshman in high school (complete side note: Why, Netflix? What was okay about suggesting this to a 14-year-old?), and it has stuck with me for years after.

The way that “Spring Breakers” sugarcoats itself in its marketing is almost a microcosm of its themes and storyline. The neon color schemes and promos including former Disney Channel stars Selena Gomez and Vaness Hudgens hide a story of four girls on their spring break consumed by crime, drugs, and murder, and this scene exemplifies that perfectly.

After Gomez’s character Faith gets scared and goes back home, drug and arms dealer Alien (James Franco) takes Brit (Ashley Benson), Candy (Hudgens), and Cotty (Rachel Korine) to a strip club where they meet his rival, fellow drug dealer Big Arch. Alien arms the girls with shotguns and pink ski maks adorned with unicorns (hello, symbolism!), and they gather around the piano next to his pool to listen to him play.

Franco’s character begins to play Spears’ hit “Everytime”, the girls singing along, before Britney’s original version takes over, playing as a montage of the group participating in multiple armed robberies plays out on the screen in slow motion. The juxtaposition of the soft, feminine song with the violent crimes being carried out sums up this entire film in a nutshell; I strongly believe that this scene helps this film earn its title as a masterpiece.

1. Young Blood by The Naked and Famous in Disney’s “Prom” 

Giving the top spot to a movie that most people probably haven’t seen could be seen as a bold move, but I’m telling you, this movie raised me. I have such a vivid memory of seeing it in theaters with my mom when I was only eight years old, dreaming about the day that I’d get to dress up and go to my own prom; pretty crazy that ten years later, I’ll be attending my high school’s prom in a month, and I still think about this movie often.

I identified with Aimee Teegarden’s character Nova Prescott heavily when I was younger, the star student who always wanted to be the best and do the best, quickly turning into the obsessive perfectionist who doesn’t know how to have fun and let go. Thomas McDonnell’s portrayal of Jesse Richter, the bad boy with a soft side who introduces Nova to a whole new world, has always tugged at my heartstrings.

The scene in this movie that has stuck with me for a decade now comes when Nova and Jesse are starting to work together to plan and decorate for prom while also started to develop feelings for each other. Nova is stressed that another school’s theme is too similar to theirs and that they will be upstaged, to which Jesse says, “let’s see how starry their night really is.”

The pair hops onto Jesse’s motorcycle and sets off to visit the rival school. As they take the ride, indie band The Naked and Famous’ song “Young Blood” plays in the background, the upbeat chorus and “yeah yeah yeah”s perfectly framing Nova’s change of heart towards Jesse.

They sneak into the other school to check out their decor, only to be caught by the police and taken home by their parents. Nova’s father snaps at Jesse, and while the girl she was at the beginning of the movie would have agreed with her dad, she doesn’t; in fact, she defends Jesse, and apologizes to him for her parent’s behavior the next day.

In addition to being one of my favorite coming-of-age movie moments, this movie also introduced me to The Naked and Famous and the album that this song is on, “Passive Me, Aggressive You”, which has become one of my favorite records of all time (listen to Girls Like You and Punching in a Dream and you’ll be hooked). As I mentioned earlier, the right soundtrack can make a romantic scene a million times more magical, and that’s exactly what the use of Young Blood does here. 

[rachelillustrates]

A stream-of-counciousness-ish, overanalytical observation of Karolina Dean/Julie Power, from the perspective of a Xavin fangirl.

Follow up to two other overanalytical posts about Karolina and Xavin, which I highly recommend reading first.

First post here

Second post here.

(And a third mini-commentary here.)

Spoilers for the recent “Runaways” series abound, of course. 

As they established/discussed in “Avengers Academy” 27, Karolina and Julie DID feel an attraction to each other from their first encounter – waaaaaaaaaaay back in the early Runaways stuff, before Xavin even showed up. Regardless of team affiliations.

But in terms of this re-introduction to each other - it is a note of betrayal that Julie still fights back even when her team is trying to break up Karolina’s FAMILY. Yes, all sides stop fighting once they start actually talking it over, but Julie is NOT the one to initiate that. She assumes her leaders know what’s best first, and tries to understand second.

As for the “Understand” spell Nico casts in issue 28 – I am assuming that there’s a reason they show certain individuals sharing certain memories with specific other individuals. Like how Nico sees Tigra losing a love she was “supposed to have a whole life with” (doesn’t THAT open up a can of worms, wow), and Chase seeing two lovers who choose not to be together due to future memories (extra poignant considering what’s going on with him and Gert in recent issues).

And dammit, Karolina and Julie seeing what they see of each other – especially Julie seeing the breakdown Karolina had with Nico, which I wrote about in the second aforementioned post.

The fact that she sees THAT is important (and again, better writing than I expected - I am such an angry Xavin fangirl). So even though Karolina said she was only “sorta” engaged *ahem. Still bullshit* Julie herself must SEE the seriousness of that Love and the loss in Karolina’s heart.

Karolina saying “Oh my god, you are so awesome” to Julie right after the spell is also pretty telling – she saw a vision of Julie’s supportiveness to another queer comrade, a supportiveness and solidarity she herself has never experienced. Nobody else on her team has professed themselves to be anything like her, in that sense, so she’s never had that kind of support from anyone, nor been able to GIVE that kind of support. So she probably sees in Julie a validation of her own identity, and feeling of not-being-alone that must feel amazing in the face of her new loneliness.

It still bothers me that Kar speaks so flippantly about her relationship with Xavin. Maybe that’s a defense mechanism, whatever. But the knowledge Julie gains from this spell is indeed important - and what she says right after really shows that she understands the pain Karolina’s been through, and I HOPE means that she will be a solid, reassuring force in Karolina’s life. The fact that she is super gentle about asking Karolina out later in the issue is also heartening.

….I may not approve, but I do understand the emotional trauma Kar must feel, and I do want her to feel safe.

What we see of them together in issue 39 is reassuring, too, in terms of that sense of safety – it’s only a moment, of course, but they appear happy together.

When we see Karolina in college at the beginning of the new “Runaways” series (issue 3), they still seem pretty solid – in her inner-monologue-narration….thing, she describes Julie as “the kindest, most beautiful, BEST girlfriend.”

And she, herself, is trying very hard to move on from EVERYTHING – not just Xavin, but her entire old life and the family she built with the other Runaways. Everything she says in that monologue thing about her therapist’s advice, about her right to be happy, is beautiful and valid.

Buuuuuuut.

Wtf?

Is this the same Karolina that always fought so hard to keep everyone together, really?

(I DO love the fact that Gert calls her out on that, btw. “…my Karolina would never leave Molly behind!” TRUE.)

It does seem like the pain of everything – what her parents did, what happened to her people as a result, everything what happened during her time with her new family (not even just the Xavin stuff, they have all seen some weirdness) – MUST have hit her even deeper than she let on in the previous series…es. We just didn’t get to see that, as readers. Even the cover of the issue seems to imply that, with all those different hands reaching out as if to grab her (and sadly I can’t tell if Xavin is one of those hands - if anyone caught that, please let me know!).

Or maybe she herself didn’t even see it until that family broke up, and she was on her own, for real. 

Which means Julie is probably an even more stabilizing force in her life, being a constant source of love and support that is OUTSIDE of all that pain.

And I imagine that’s going to be very hard for Karolina to face, or leave – I mean, if (WHEN!!!) Xavin returns. It’s hard enough that she’s chosen to return to her family at all. They show her breaking down intensely about it in that same issue, when everyone shows up at her door and she tries to NOT go with them: First, she absolutely trashes the memory of what they all had together – “We weren’t anything real. We were just….together. We were just a bunch of scared kids who didn’t have anyone else.”

Absolute bullshit, btw, and I do not for a second think she really believes that – again, defense mechanism, probably – but OUCH.

All that therapy, all that self-autonomy and college and whatever, seems to actually be making her into a WORSE person. She seems to have been on a HUGE downward slide in that manner since Xavin left. But I digress.

And then she has a real, pillow-hugging darkness-crying breakdown when Nico leaves the room after calling her on THAT bullshit. And that mantra…. “I am a good person. I am my own person. My parents’ decisions don’t define me. I forgive myself for the mistakes I made when I was too young to know any better. I am allowed to be happy.”

I wonder how often she has to say that to herself. And I think that the difference is – when she’s with the Runaways (her FAMILY, goddammit), she is actively DOING something to address that guilt and pain inside of her. Instead of just trying to “move on” and “be happy.”

I know from personal experience that in order to be happy, you have to FACE that guilt inside yourself. Own it. And I don’t think this Karolina is doing that AT ALL.

That is, until we see her again in issue 5. She seeks out Nico on her own (with Julie’s help – more on that later), and seems resigned to being back with them. But when Nico tells her that their reunion has fallen apart, she DOES seem genuinely disappointed (and at the end of issue 6, she does say “let’s go home,” so she does seem to move from resigned to happily-accepting pretty well).

As for Julie, when Nico tries to kiss Karolina, she adamantly (as in freak-out-ishly) defends herself, almost shouting that she “has a girlfriend.” I mentioned before that that specific defense bothers me – after all, Kar “has a fiancée” still for all she freakin’ knows – but the word choice is interesting, too. She declares her relationship status, not that she doesn’t want Nico, but that she’s already taken by someone else.

(Though to be fair, it seems like Karolina is ALWAYS going to want Nico. First love and all.)

In my mind, that reinforces the space that Julie must fill for Karolina – a stable, safe space. Somewhere to belong after all the drama and trauma she’s been through with other people. God, the fact that she seems to need – and WANT – that, a shining safe happy rainbow place with no issues, makes me worry that she’s too bright and innocent for Xavin, even after all they’ve been through together. Noooooo bad thoughts.

I know this whole investigation is coming off very Karolina-negative. And I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. Even in this reread it looks like she’s been spiraling since Xavin left – and while I WANT to believe that’s a sign of how important Xavin was to her, it just reads awful (not in bad writing, I mean I’m just sad for her, and I question a lot about her with what she’s chosen to do in their time apart).

And I probably shouldn’t blame her for wanting that. We all deserve to be safe and happy. I just feel like she’s not really facing her demons and she can be- and HAS been – SO MUCH BETTER and so much MORE.

In terms of Karolina-positivity, though, she does kick ass in the fight against Molly’s grandma, and stays true to the beliefs we do know and love about her – Molly tells them not to hurt her grandma, then the cats, then her ‘mom,’ and Karolina sticks loyally to that demand (until the threat is too much, of course). THAT’S the Karolina I know and love.

Back to her connection to Julie – as I pointed out before, she does call on Julie for help, first to find Nico, then she suggests calling her when they need to contact the Avengers about Molly’s grandma. She clearly relies on her a lot, and it seems like it’s a solid situation for her. She knows she can rely on this person, and that must have been proven again and again in ways we haven’t even seen.

That shows really clearly, too, from the way Julie reacts when she can’t get a hold of Karolina in issue 7. When she doesn’t hear from her for a whole day, Julie freaks, and calls out the point that she’s allowed to freak – considering Karolina’s history and the danger she could be in at any second. I do actually find that admirable. At this point, it does seem like Karolina wants someone who will be that overprotective.

But I think if she really wants to grow, she needs someone who can and will respect that she can handle herself.

And I STILL believe Xavin is that person. They have been, for her, in the past – yes, a little overprotective in moments, but VERY aware of her own power and capabilities (I’m thinking specifically of the moment in “Dead End Kids,” in 1907, when she goes out exploring on her own and Xavin just says “Have fun. And then stop having fun and come back.”). An maybe Julie will grow into that, I don’t know, but I want my space lesbians to reunite thankyouverymuch so I AM going to be rooting for their reunion and reconciliation no matter what.

No matter how frustrated I am with Karolina’s behavior, even.

As for issue 7, again, we do get to see Karolina making a compromise with herself. She’s there, and showing up for her family, but she hasn’t given up her desires in terms of still going to school and still being with Julie. The fact that she’s skipped some classes, and will have to skip more to pick up Julie, doesn’t exactly bode well.... but for now, it seems like its working. And she does talk to Nico about HOW back she is – when Nico turns down her offer of money (also, DAMN, about her being so financially set), saying “we have to figure out how to do this on our own eventually,” Karolina immediately says “I’m part of ‘we.’ I’m part of ‘our own.’” I know I complained a lot about her fractured loyalty in her first appearance here, but I am truly glad that her need to be with her family again, REALLY be there, seems to be resolved. Even if it sounds like she still plans on living on campus, not at the Hostel.

It really does seem like a lot for her to have to figure out, and so suddenly :/

And as for that phone call, again, it is nice to see that Julie is so supportive of the fact that her family is back and THAT implies that the off-screen conversations they’ve had about it show that Kar is much more on board than it seemed at first, when her past literally came back to haunt her.

So I guess in closing, I am glad that Karolina has support and love. I am.

But I still think Xavin is better for her, especially if they’ve done the growing I hope they’ve done (as I talked about in my last post). 

If you just jump back into the new series without rereading the old runs, it seems like nothing happened with Xavin at all – all that’s been swept under the rug, and only mentioned in passing if you lump them and their love in with the comments that the monologue-thing includes about Karolina’s people and her parents’ actions. That’s not fair, and that’s not enough. I want closure, at least.

I’m worried they won’t give it to us. I guess we’ll see, with how they very Julie/Karolina-focused next issue goes. 

And I’m sure I’ll have words about that, too.

[woman-devours-books]

Review: Blue Moon by Angela Colsin

Book: Blue Moon: The Crucible Book 1 Author: Angela Colsin ( @angelacolsin ) The Lovers: Cade Hodgins & Ashley Passmore Tropes: Paranormal, Romance, Alpha Male, Mates Trope, Shifters, Wolves, Starting a new life, Hesitant attraction Hotness: Not Safe For Mom Rating: 4 stars

Synopsis

When betrayed by his Alpha, Cade Hodgins takes the role in leading the Arkin City pack and begins his search for those responsible for his father’s death. Information is hard to come by however—until a stray lupine wanders into his territory.

But Ashley Passmore is no ordinary stray. She’s a newborn wolf, turned from being a human with no prior knowledge that lupines existed. Due to her blackouts, she can’t recall who turned her or why, but Cade suspects her attackers may be the same as those who entrapped his father.

In the meantime, Cade takes Ashley in to help her regain control of her new life, and finds more than just a lead—she's his mate. But Ashley is adjusting to the new world she's been thrust into, making it uncertain she'll accept the growing bond between them, while those who turned her want to make sure she's silenced for good.

I decided to put in a warning prior to my post today. This book, and subsequent post, deals with both consent and life after a traumatic event. This isn’t about rape, though some of the events in the book might as well be a thin veil for talking about it. As I’ll repeat in the post, considering the climate, the #metoo movement, and the stories women share, I want to make sure you as a reader are prepared for this. There is nothing graphic shared in this post, however, knowing that the hint of this conversation can be upsetting to some, I wanted to put this warning out there.

You know those assholes who like to shit on the romance genre as a whole? The people who say that romance is nothing more than trash, is all about sex, isn’t smart, isn’t edifying, isn’t up to their perfect pseudo-intellectual standards? You know those assholes. Those asshole are wrong! And have probably never picked up a romance book in their life (Mini rant never over).

And the reason I know they’re wrong is because of the numerous, edifying, issue-raising books I have read in this genre. Take exhibit A and the book I’ll be reviewing today: Blue Moon by Angela Colsin.

I reviewed another of Colsin’s books, Strange Brew, back in September and I loved it. Blue Moon is equally fantastic. All her books have held up pretty damn well. While I loved the 5th one, The Final Calling, the best, I’m reviewing the first on for two reasons: 1. I was given a copy of this book by the author to review, but 2. And maybe more importantly, this book deals with consent and life after trauma. In this climate, with the #metoo movement and the unending stories of women experiencing sexual assault, I felt it was important to review this book. There was a moment I thought about reaching out to Colsin to see if she’d be alright with me reviewing The Final Calling instead. However, this blog isn’t just to highlight books I love, but to highlight books that have important things to say. I think Blue Moon has some important things to say.

Here's a little book-backstory for you. Cade Hodgins is a Lupin. This is different than a werewolf, which I won't get into because it's irrelevant to this review and Colsin tells you all about it at the start of the book. He's the Alpha (leader) of his pack and is hunting for the bastard Lupins who killed his father. Dad Hodgins discover these jackasses were running an illegal and highly dangerous gambling ring based on pitting newly turned Lupins against each other. Which, in this world is a HUGE NO! Not only are they running these fights, it also turns out they're turning people without their express permission. Again, a HUGE NO in this world. Which brings us to Ashley.

Ashley becomes the unwitting victim of these Lupins. Her world is turned upside-down, she’s scared, she doesn’t know what’s happening, and has no idea that the supernatural world exists. She’s halfway convinced she’s going insane. When she meets Cade, she’s vulnerable and, more than anything, wants someone to explain what the hell is going on.

So the fact that she is taken in and cared for by Cade and his pack is so important to Ashley’s arc.  Everyone in Cade’s pack who heard about Ashely being turned against her will were angry…downright murderous, even. Ashely is believed. She isn’t told she’s wrong or her being turned was her fault. In fact, she’s told this:

“Don’t go on a guilt trip, Ash. You’re not a bad person, you were victimized. Nothing that happened was your fault.”

Do you know how many women need to hear this? Need to hear that it wasn’t their fault. That what happened to them wasn’t because of something they did? Probably every single woman. I love this. And this is the part of the book I think is so important. The people who surround Ashley are caring and nurturing. She quickly finds a family within this pack and who will fight for her and teach her how to fight as well. Colsin does an amazing job of balancing Ashley’s recovery and giving her a lodestone to turn to when things are starting to overwhelm her. I wish more people had this! Everyone needs a pack.

I just…I have a lot of feels about this.

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