#we must look to the future but stay in the present and remember the past

[randomaj]

i think I'm just emotional tonight, but as I was staring into the night, I was just struck by how big everything is.

I can't visit all of the places in the world, not truly, not to the extent I want to. Neither can I consume all of the information there is, it's impossible. I'm just struck by how beautifully unfathomable everything is.

And that's just on earth. To think that there's the possibly that there other inhabited worlds out there, with their own unfathomable cultures. And even if there isn't! Just everything.

There's so much to learn and see, that I can't even imagine or comprehend. I am so small and insignificant and yet everything is so beautiful.

[riansdiary]

IT'S NOT MANIFESTING, IT'S HAVING AND BEING NOW!

Hello my dearest gentle readers! 💎

Did you miss me? I am back with another epiphany! I had it last few weeks ago and it was when I realized that we f*cking over complicated the law of assumption too much. When I started manifesting with the help of Hyler's videos, there was no stress or worrying or over complication about it at least for me. That is because I knew that all I needed to do was assume that I have it now, there was not too much focus on the 3d because why would we identify with the old story?

Let me give you a simple analogy for this. It's just like changing batteries or having a new phone or erasing the board for a new lesson. When you need to change the batteries of your remote, you just put in the new ones (new story) and that's it. You forget and toss the old ones (old story) in the trash! That's how simple it is. There's no "why is it still not working?" or "what if it doesn't work?" when manifesting because that is being in the middle!

You're hanging in the balance and your subconscious is gonna be confused so go straight to the end. Manifesting is that simple. You either have it or you don't but you're not just pretending you have it either. You know you have it. I don't even like calling it manifesting that much because that implies a process or waiting time. It's just having it or being it now and not looking or identifying with the 3d or the old story.

You just choose a story and stick to it. Heck, I didn't even affirm that much before to manifest things. I wanted to make the two vaccines I'm getting to be completely painless, what did I do? I relaxed and affirmed only a few times and lived in the end. I didn't worry because I knew it was done. I wanted a specific food I'm craving? I affirmed a few times in the state of the wish fulfilled and forgot about it. Later on, I get the very thing I affirmed for. We must remember that the 3d follows us. Okay so what do you think will happen if you're saying stuff like "Where is it? I've been affirming for x amount of time!" or "I've been listening for so long to subliminals but there's no results!"

You are now reacting and you're pulling yourself back to the old story. There's no problem if you rant or cry it all out. We're human and we can do that but we keep staying in the new story. The problem is if we give up. The only thing that is stopping you from having it is exactly those thoughts about the 3d. That is keeping you in the old story. If you're really living in the end then why oh why do you spiral and think thoughts like that? If this ever happened to you, you can just go back to the new story. Reject and cancel your reaction. I reject negative thoughts or anything I don't want. Yes, you can do that. Do not forget that you are the operant power.

Let me tell you how to really do it in the easiest and simplest way possible. This is how I used to manifest effortlessly when I started learning about the law. Now I over consumed and yeah you know, took too much info when I already knew what worked for me even before. Now, I'm not saying that this is the only way or the best way to manifest. I'm just recommending this. What works for me might not work for you but that's okay. We all have our own special way.

Now without further ado, let me tell you how to do it. Try it for two weeks or however long or short you want. Just trust me and try this out.

1. Think of what you want to manifest. Anything you want. Go crazy.

2. Either pick an affirmation or multiple ones to say in your mind when you think of it. That's option A.

Option B: Rampage a.k.a just say whatever you think if you have that already. It's just naturally whatever comes to your mind about it that is in the past, present or future tense. You pick what you want but personally I like the present tense the best. Let me give you an example and yes, this is what I used to affirm for the things I mentioned above. Let me link the video I got this from!

Example 1: For my painless vaccines, these are the thoughts I had. All in the wish fulfilled state.

"Oh goodie the line's moving so fast now! The vaccines I'm getting are gonna be painless. Yup it was painless, it felt like an ant bit me. That was nothing! I literally finished so fast and I'm ready to go home with Mom!"

This is what I thought to make the lines go faster which honestly helped so much because the line was so long but it started moving faster and faster after I affirmed. I also thought in my favor about making the vaccine painless. I made sure to affirm that I won't have the side effects that people are talking about. I did it like that, very naturally but I also repeated each sentence at least just three or five times. It changes a bit as I think but it's just the same sentence simplified or just another form of it. Let me show you what I mean.

"I got the vaccine and it was painless. It didn't even hurt. I got the vaccine so fast and we can go home now. Oh the line's going faster. Why is the line suddenly moving so fast? Oh that was fast!"

Something like that! It's just like my natural way of thinking!

Option C: Just decide you have it and keep deciding whenever you think of it and know that your words are law. That means that when you decide, it is instantly done.

3. Always replace the old story with the new story. Take the old story and chuck it in the trash. It's in the past. You now have whatever it is that you want. That means whether you see it or not, think that it is done and it is here now. Yes, full on delulu mode but not really delulu because it's just being in that mindset of having it. That also means that you don't need to find it in the 3d. Why would you? That's the old story and it's trash. Do not even think about it. Aha, do not even try. You accept that it is here now and it is done. Remember that what you focus on stays in your reality. It is that easy. You don't want to be broke? Okay forget about that. It's in the past and it's not true anymore. Accept that you're rich now whether you see it or not. Have faith in the law of assumption. Acknowledge your desire to be in your reality now. Acknowledge that money you now have in your bank account. I acknowledged that croissant that I wanted. Yup I know the croissant is right in front of me now. Instead of finding your desire in the 3d, SPAWN THAT SH*T! MAGICALLY MANIFEST IT OUT OF THIN AIR. Um, excuse my french 🤭

4. All you need to do now is to know that it's done. RELAX. Why would you worry about it when you have it now? Be in the reality where you have it now. What would you think now that you have it? How would you feel? You'd feel relaxed and you can kick back and watch movies! Know that it is truly done. Would you count how many times you affirmed if you had it already? No. Would you worry about it if it's already here? No. That is still being stuck in the middle and making it a process! What would you do if it's already here? Do that. Do what makes you happy. Watch some Disney or Ghibli movies and just chill because you have it now whatever it is you desire. Let go of the 3d and the old story because it's in the past. Please. Manifesting doesn't really include the 3d. It's just a mere reflection of your thoughts or state. That's all it is. And please do not wait for it. There's no waiting. You just need to know and acknowledge that your desire is here, you have it now and it's done.

Here's a little summary of that:

1. What do you want? Okay you have it now. Congrats! 🎉

2. Affirm in whatever way you want for a few times or whenever you think of it.

3. Live in the end/state of the wish fulfilled. The old story is in the past. Focus on the new story. What you focus on sticks/stays in your reality.

4. Know it's done now. Do what makes you happy. Acknowledge your desire being here now.

Before I end this post, let's do a little fun exercise. Shall we proceed? Just a little extra thing!

Okay this is the situation: You were rich all your life. You've always lived a lavish life and you are spoiled with gifts on the daily. You literally can always afford and get the latest Iphone or whatever else you wanted. You have always gotten whatever the heck you want.

For the first two, it's gonna be an acting exercise. More like try being this character and embodying them.

First is improv acting. Be this character and rampage or naturally say lines that you think they would always be saying. Think Audrey Hope, Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald or any rich spoiled characters you know!

Fun fact: Audrey is my fave character in the Gossip Girl reboot! She's so cute! My inspo when it comes to being classy and demure! Idk I also really like her personality! That's why I used her gifs!

Something like: "Oh I really want those compact mirror cameras! It's small so it's easy to put in my bag and it looks like makeup! It gives Totally Spies vibes so you know what... I'm gonna place my order now! I always have money anyway and it's so cheap so why not?"

The next thing is a line that you can say. I asked Chatgpt to make me a random rich character monologue. It's like a vaunt basically! Imagine it's Blair Waldorf's opening narration line. Be it, Embody it and say it in your mind like it's just normal for you. You can read it everyday if you want to!

"I always get what I want. That’s just how it works for me. I don’t even have to think about it—if I want something, it’s mine. No questions, no doubts. It’s like the world bends a little to make sure I have exactly what I need, when I need it. And why wouldn’t it? That’s just how my life goes.

I walk into any room, and I know I belong there. I don’t have to prove myself or explain why I deserve it. I just do. Everything I touch turns into something special. When I want something—whether it’s an invitation to the most exclusive event or a last-minute trip halfway around the world—I make a call, and it’s done. Effortless.

People think money changes things, but it’s not really about that. It’s about knowing that everything is always within reach. I don’t chase after things—I attract them. Opportunities, people, experiences—they all come to me naturally. It’s just how my life flows.

And the best part? I don’t even have to try. It’s just who I am. I live on my own terms, and the world just fits itself around that. Everything always works out for me."

Here's the next exercise. This is something more specific. This is inspired by one of Hyler's videos that I will link here.

Think of a thing you're manifesting right now and imagine it right in front of you. For people who can't visualize, find a picture of the thing (if possible) in Pinterest or Google and look at it as if it's in front of you.

If it was right here in front of you, what would you think, how would you feel and how would you act? This has helped me immensely after I watched Hyler's video. I realized that I would feel relaxed now that it's here and my thoughts would align with it being here now. I would take a deep breath and feel relieved.

Now I want you to do this for your desire. I want you to always ask yourself these questions to remind yourself that it's here now and it's done. Whatever is in the 3d is old news. What you focus on sticks so focus on only what you want. The 3d is not included in manifesting. It's just the effect while the 4d a.k.a your mind is the cause. Live in the reality where you have it now, live in the 4d and embody the version of you who already has it. Don't do things to manifest or get things. That will happen naturally but that should not be our focus. The basics are to assume/decide/know you have it now. If you have it now then why would you identify with the old story? Do not identify with the old story. You're not there anymore. It will just stay in your reality if you pay attention to it and give it power.

That's all I have for you in today's post but I know or at least I am now assuming that this will help everyone and make it easier for you! I hope you're having a good day or night!

Yours Truly,

Lady Rian Whistledown 💋

[outsideratheart]

Home Part 2 (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: Sorry it’s taken me so long to get this next part out but writer’s block has been a bitch.

You spent much longer mingling and people pleasing than you had hoped. The plan was to do a quick lap of the room then spend the night with you family only that didn’t happen. At first you were worried about Alexia, with her being in an environment that was unfamiliar and surrounded by people she didn’t know but every time you looked over you found her having a blast with your sister in laws. You wonder if she missed your presence but that question was quickly answered when you returned to her.

The Cruyffs; present, future and Alexia were all at the bar. She feels you beside her and just as she turns around someone pushes into you and you find yourself very close to Alexia.

“Hello you” you whisper. 

With the close proximity you could smell Alexia’s perfume. It was your perfume which she must have taken from your bag when you wasn’t looking. 

“Have you done your duties?” Alexia asks and you nods your head, a smirk tugging at your lips “then you can have another one of these?” 

She takes a shot from your brother and hands it to you. It seems that Alexia’s new found comfort was all thanks to the liqueur which you knew is drank by the bottle at events like this.

“Thank you” you take the shot without breaking eye contact.

Even after the mouthful of alcohol you cannot take your eyes off Alexia. She truly did look beautiful. This event had been the reason for so much anxiety but since touching down in the city you barely felt any of it and you knew that the reason was the woman standing in front of you.  You wasn’t feeling grief and you wasn’t consumed by the past. Alexia made you focus on the present and you cannot remember being this happy in years.

“I think we should leave” you whisper in her ear. Your hand sat dangerously low on her back.

“Why would you want to do that?” Alexia asks and you can tell that she genuinely wanted to stay.

“Because there’s things I want to do and I can’t do them here” 

“And what would that be?” Alexia again asked a question but the change in her tone told you she knew exactly what was going through your mind. She also have the confidence given the confession Liv and Mia made earlier.

“Let me take you home and I will show you” 

At this point Alexia pulls away to get a better look at you and to see if your being serious but with the hold you have on her you are able to pull her back towards you. 

“Not to interrupt your moment” Luuk says apologetically

“Again” Jordi adds earning a slap from you.

His words gain the attention of the others. No doubt them all wondering what he meant by again.

“You know the rules Y/N. The children have to stay till 11 then we are free to go” 

“2 hours” Alexia says after looking at her watch.

“Me and Jordi normally leave earlier than that and leave Luuk to deal with mum” 

You and Jordi share a look. He may technically be older but the two of you are like twins and your mother knows best than to force to be somewhere you don’t want to be. She did it before and you both caused havoc which lead to you father kicking you out of the event.

“Give it an hour then we will sneak out” 

Alexia nods her head wondering whether or not the next hour will pass by quickly or if it will drag. It wasn’t a thought that lasted long because you pulled her to the dance floor. It wasn’t like a dance floor at a club but the Cruyffs knew how to have a good time so there were plenty of guests dancing the night away. It meant you and her were able to blend in without bringing too much attention.

The idea of dancing came from an innocent place, well a mostly innocent place. You wanted to find a way to pass time but the intention soon changed when you found yourself dancing against Alexia and felt her hand on your lower abdomen. It wasn’t dirty dancing but it was enough to flood your mind with less than innocent thoughts. 

“Stop” you lean back so Alexia can hear you.

“I’m not doing anything” 

Whilst she was right, she also couldn’t be more wrong.

You could feel her breath on your neck, it was overwhelming. 

“We’re leaving. Now” you grab her hand pulling her towards the exit. You couldn’t care less what you mother would say about your early departure. The only thing you cared about was the Catalonian beauty you were about to take home.

The car ride was filled with anticipation. Very few words were exchanged and truth be told neither of you had a lot to say. Enough had been said and from the words that had been spoken, you and Alexia were able to read between the lines.

You grab Alexia’s hand the moment you are through the door as you lead her upstairs to your bedroom, to the room the two of you were to share for night. 

This wasn’t you first time nor was it Alexia’s but you weren’t in any rush.

“Will you help me, porfa?” Alexia asks. 

The brunette turns around and pulls her hair to the side to give you better access to the zip of her dress. Given that she had already taken off her heels, you k=now had the height advantage. You stood behind her but instead of undoing her dress like Alexia asked, you rest you hands on her hips and place a soft kiss to the side of her neck. 

“Don’t tease” Alexia makes no effort to move, instead relishing in the feeling that is your lips against her skin.

“As you wish” with one last kiss you turn you attention back to the zip making sure to take your time. Once you are done you tap Alexia on her hip assuming that she plans on going to the bathroom to take it off only that isn’t her plan.

“Take it off” Alexia turns to face you. 

Her eyes are dark and you see the lust growing within them. She wants what you want yet you find yourself hesitating. You hand sits on her shoulder, on the top of the material of her dress but you make no move to rid her of it. 

“What are you waiting for? Is something wrong?” 

“I’m taking in the moment in case it never happens again” 

It took a second for Alexia to recognise the look in your eye. It was a mixture of uncertainty and insecurity. She wasn’t sure if you would believe her words so she showed you how much the moment meant to her. The brunette leans forward and gently placed her lips on your own. There is no hunger or desperation. The kiss slow but filled with more passion than either of you had ever experienced before. 

With a new found confidence and a focus on the present you pull the straps down exposing her perfect body. Once the dress is on the ground you take her hand and help her out of it. 

She stands in front of you in nothing but a black lace matching set. 

“You. Are. Beautiful” you tell her, each word followed by a kiss to her lips. 

“Can I?” Alexia asks as she plays with the fabric on the front of your dress. 

It seemed only fair that you let her undress you so you nod in agreement and before you know you are both standing in nothing but your underwear. 

“I want you Y/N. I have since the first night I met you. I only wish I would have told you sooner” 

“I’m right here and I’m all yours” no words had ever been more true than these in this very moment. 

Hearing you say those words was like music to Alexia’s ears. It was a sweet melody at the beginning on the song that would be your first night together.

This woman who you had known for less than a year knew your body as if it was her own. Each movement made you want more. Every touch set your body on fire and every kiss make you believe that the love you saw in movies was possible. She knew just what to do for you to reach a new climatic height and you in suit showed her just how much you worshipped her body.

Your bodies collapsed on the bed a couple of hours later and it seemed to be perfect timing because just as Alexia laid her head on your chest, you heard the rest of the family come through the front door. Knowing that they wouldn’t come in, you made no effort to move and you tightened your hold on Alexia so that she didn’t move either.

 As you lay there the silence caused your mind to wander and to no surprise of your own it goes back over the intimacy you and Alexia had just shared.

Alexia felt the hitch in your breath. She adjusts her position and sees you staring deeply at the ceiling. 

“Hola, what’s going on in the beautiful head of yours?” 

You didn’t feel her move but you certainly wasn’t complaining about the closeness that Alexia was currently in.

“Did that—does this—“ You didn’t want to finish either sentence because you knew that there was a chance Alexia would answer in the worst way possible.

“You told me you’re mine and now I’m telling you that I’m yours Y/N, there is nobody else out there for me. That much I know is true”

“I was hoping you’d say something like that” 

The woman laid back down in your arms and remained quiet. It took a couple of minutes for you to realise it was because she had fallen asleep, clearly exhausted by the nights events.

The smile that tugs on your lips is out of your control. It seemed to be a theme with Alexia. She had all the control, all the power and held all the cards. You didn’t have a choice in falling for her, nor did you have a choice when she became the highlight of your day. Her company is the one your crave for. For Alexia you let your heart lead and it lead you to her.

[mayullla]

Hello! I love ur work, and was wondering if I could ask for dottore (?) with 🌹🍁 ??

if you can’t that’s ok =) take your time!

Note: I am gonna assume (?) means that I could pick if it is yandere or platonic yandere and reader? well either way hope you like it!

Title: Unfair Trade

Character(s): Il Dottore (Genshin Impact) Summary: You trapped yourself in your mind after you and the traveler had been lured into a trap made by Dottore. Why you were stuck in your own conscious Il Dottore and the Grand Sage talked about their little deal. Warnings/tags: Dendro archon!reader, fem!reader, yandere themes, possessive behavior, manipulation, power imbalance, 3.2 archon quest scenario, drabble, this is related to a really old brainrot I had before (here)

[ - A little present~! Event - Closed - ]

"Now that I have done my part of the deal, it is only fair that you, too, hold your end of the deal."

"Yes! Yes!!" Azar spoke in a hurried tone. There was greed in his voice of a hopeful future that he could not wait to come. The price was cheap for what it was. Something that he would gladly give.

"You may take the pitiful dendro archon. With our new archon who will rule Sumeru with wisdom and knowledge giving away that weak archon is but a far small price to pay. In fact, I feel as if this deal is not even fair." Azar spoke to the expelled scholar of the academia once he would have looked down on such a man now he spoke with respect. 

Yet he could not help but furrow his eyebrows. Why did this man even want you... "Considering how much you have helped us, we would gladly give you anything else you want?"

"An archon is still an archon while she is weaker compared to others. She is still an existence above many beings." Dottore smiled at the grand sage, appearing more satisfied with the trade than anything. "I do not need anything she alone is enough for me."

"Suit yourself. I must go now, I have another scheduled appointment that I must go to. I apologize. Stay for a while if you wish, and I will have someone bring in more tea if you want." No longer willing to push the subject matter. Azar stood up about to call someone to come in.

"There is no need to worry. I too also need to go soon. The Tsaritsa had called me, and I must prepare to leave for Snezhnaya soon." Waving his hand, he let the Grand Sage leave as he too left the room, heading higher and higher up the stairs of the building.

"If only our own archon was wise in wisdom and knowledge, would we never have to resort to this."

"Trust me, I know your sufferings. I only provided you a way the rest you have worked hard for the benefit of Sumeru." Dottore could only laugh at such useless talks, both knowing well they have their own goals and motivations, yet spewing lies and deceit.

Reaching the place only the higher-ups could enter.

Dottore looked at the person with the orb, sleeping soundly as if, once upon a time, a few days ago, she wasn't trying to rebel with the traveler to rescue her land.

"I still remember the emotions in your eyes when you saw me. Standing in front of the academia with the traveler, it was only proper to cheer for the hero and their own archon." Il Dottore smiled when he got a clear glimpse of your peaceful sleeping face nothing like the face you gave him when you found out and realized what he has done to your people. "Your expression that time is still something I relished every time I remember it."

"How unfortunate." There was a small movement on his lips that looked like a frown of displeasure and dissatisfaction but quickly curled into a smile again. "I was so close to having you back then, yet you soon left as soon as you realized that the traveler was far away and safe. It was a shame back then, but I wouldn't put it past you to do something like that. And even now, you have avoided most of my trap with something like this.”

"It is quite disappointing, I must say. But no matter, it was all pure entertainment. After all, no matter where your contious was, your body was always here in this little orb."

He circled around your orb. His mask looked in your direction. The sounds of his shoes tapping the floor echoed within the quiet wide place where it is just you and him.

"Would you push me away again after Sumeru had abandoned you like this?" Dottore asked mockingly, "The sages were so thrilled by this chance of a fake god that they were so quick to make a deal that once they have their man-made god they will give you as payment."

"All the Tsaritsa wants is the dendro gnosis. She doesn't care much for how we attain it, so I am sure she would let me keep you from myself. After all, I have already done many things for our Tsaritsa's sake." Stopping his body turned towards you as he raised his hands a little as if showing you something that he was proud of. He knew that he was talking to deaf ears and that you couldn't even hear him. But that didn't stop him. He had you, and now you belonged to him.

"It is, after all, only a matter of time dear. We shall see how long you can hide in this darkness that you have created, this barrier to keep me out. I will slowly take away those walls that guard your consciousness." His grin could not go down no matter what as he looked at you curled up in a ball within the orb.

"Those sages are foolish to give you away from a man-made archon. But that doesn't matter in the end so long as you are mine. It is only a matter of time, dendro archon. Soon, your consciousness will be mine, and I will make sure that it will be locked away from the world with only myself in your thoughts."

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Songs to Listen to While Descending into Madness

Hey, remember when I found Ian's perfect theme song for Sunshine in Hell? Well, I found one that fits Joseph's descent into madness and embracing the personality of Jack. Maybe I should make a playlist specifically for Sunshine in Hell sometime...

Not only does it have this manic energy that switches to disturbing and somber, a lot of the lyrics really give me the vibe of the suffering Joseph went through as he tore away at his very identity to become someone and something else.

When did I become afraid of the dark? Are my eyeballs just yet to adjust to seeing the light? The room I'm in is still the same, the shadows have not rearranged it No, the only thing that's changed is how I see at night I fumble for the switch and strap on infrareds and wish For sunshine when the morning's somewhere else But I can't change what time it is or dilate my irises Only what I look at, and I'm looking at myself I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see? I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between When did I become afraid of the dark? Was it when I left the cave and swore I'd never go back? If we can't see each other, then there's no more use for hiding I've decided I'll abide it; why deny the color black? I'm not a flower, not a solar-powered calculator Damn my eyes for seeing what's not there I'll trade in vision for a practiced intuition 'Til my fears come to fruition, I'm not scared I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see? I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between The future must know where you've been The past predicts the state you're in The present did and will not last Is, isn't, was, have, hasn't, has All that I ask is, keep those empty frames If nobody's in them, then no one is to blame For your self-portraits, sign another name Well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same? I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night Who else could I be, when I can't fucking see? I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night I'm nowhere now, here's no one now to be And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares? I'll stay awake tonight

It really gives me vibes of the animatic Sauce made where Jack antagonizes Joseph, particularly that high energy of Jack strutting around, being cheerfully scary and threatening. It also reminds me this classic picture of a cheerful Jack and a traumatized dead(?) Joseph.

It even has a sketch updated version you can check out here!

Credit as always goes to the awesome Sauce for their awesome art, characters, and stories. They and the rest of the crew of SnaccPop Studios are a wealth of endless inspiration. Consider joining their patreon, won't you? Just remember - don't repost anything privately posted there!

There's so many lyrics that make me think of Jack's broken mind and the effects of hell had on him. I have to really break it down to show all the different feelings/images that it conjures up, since there is so much here virtually every line.

"When did I become afraid of the dark?" When you were trapped in hell, Joseph. His loneliness was bad while he was alive, but his death made it so, so, so much worse. He's terrified of being alone and forgotten. He can't stand the cold numbness only broken up by pain. It's a night he can never sleep through or wake up from.

"The room I'm in is still the same, the shadows have not rearranged it. No, the only thing that's changed is how I see at night." It didn't get better. Nothing changed in that hell. It just repeated his death and the delusions of his decaying mind. The only thing that changed was himself into someone else, someone who could better handle the madness.

"I fumble for the switch and strap on infrareds and wish, For sunshine when the morning's somewhere else." Joseph struggles desperately somehow, someway to find some sort of light, some hope in hell. Unfortunately, his sunshine Mary is somewhere else, reborn as Alice. All he can do is wish for a miracle.

His sunshine was always like a miracle to him. She found him twice. He prays she'll find him again.

"But I can't change what time it is or dilate my irises, Only what I look at, and I'm looking at myself." Joseph can't change his circumstances. He can't feel anything but cold and pain, no matter how much he struggles. He's helpless.

The only thing Joseph can do is relive his death and look inward into an ever growing abyss that stares back at him. That abyss, that hell is changing him because he can't do anything but stare inward.

Joseph only has himself in this hell, and the longer he stares at himself, the more he hates what he sees.

"I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night." Joseph isn't as good as his sunshine was, in his opinion. He's not even as good as a fraction of her, like the sunlight is reflected on the moon. He doesn't even have a glimmer of her light either.

"I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between." In a way, he is nowhere, trapped between life and death. Joseph/Jack was erased. He became no one.

"When did I become afraid of the dark? Was it when I left the cave and swore I'd never go back?" Jack swore never to go back into the tape, never to be Joseph ever again. He's terrified of being alone, and he refuses to ever be alone and forgotten ever again.

"I've decided I'll abide it; why deny the color black?" Joseph gives into his darker impulses, his madness, his yandere side. He'll do anything to be free of this hell, to have his sunshine back.

Even if that means staining his soul irreparably with sin by torturing and killing others to do it.

He'll be damned to hell either way. He knows that from experience.

"Damn my eyes for seeing what's not there." When someone is put through sensory deprivation, they hallucinate, make up alternate personas, and the like. Jack himself was confused at first when the tape was played, asking if MC/Alice really was real, that he wasn't just dreaming.

How many times did Jack imagine someone was really there to save him, only to be disappointed by a cruel reality that he was still trapped in hell?

"I'll trade in vision for a practiced intuition. 'Til my fears come to fruition, I'm not scared." These lines sum up the whole Jack persona. He'll bury himself in that cheerful façade in order to deny his own fears that he'll be trapped in hell forever. He'll lose himself in a dream of his own making since he can never sleep again.

The only way to avoid being scared of an eternity in hell is denial, denial, denial.

"Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see?" He's Jack. He can't see himself as Joseph anymore. His mind can't handle it. He's blinded himself to his real identity by burying memories of anything else.

"The future must know where you've been." This feels like the video tape. The few traces left of what happened in the incident of 1984.

"The past predicts the state you're in." All the mistakes Joseph made and the few things that made him happy with himself are the reasons why he became Jack.

"The present did and will not last." Time is cruel, constantly marching forward and erasing the past. Jack lost everything so many times. He lost his identity, his dreams, his sunshine, and his life. Everything was lost so easily... how can he not dread losing it all again?

"All that I ask is, keep those empty frames." If nothing else, Jack is desperate to be remembered. Even if the person in the picture isn't himself anymore, he's desperate for at least some trace of him is remembered, even if it's this caricature of the character he played.

"If nobody's in them, then no one is to blame." A reference to LambsWork Productions covering up the part they played in Jack's death or the scandal the 1984 incident created. They can't have their reputation ruined if no one remembers the SunnyTime Crew Show after all.

"For your self-portraits, sign another name." This makes me think of all the autographs Joseph had to sign as "Sunny Day Jack." The character had his face, his voice... but it was a different name. He couldn't break character, because the character was what people loved. It's another reason why he's Jack now instead of Joseph.

"Well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same?" Joseph Cullman is missing. [Redacted] Haberdae is dead and erased. He can't go back to being either. Who should he be? What name or persona should he use that will give him peace?

"Who else could I be, when I can't fucking see?" What is left for him but to be Sunny Day Jack? He has nothing else but that persona in this hell.

"I'm nowhere now, here's no one now to be." This line sums up Jack's state in the tape. He's nowhere, and he doesn't know how to be himself anymore. He is nothing... so he'll be the character he played.

He doesn't know how to be Joseph anymore because he can no longer see the good qualities he had as Joseph. Everything good was attributed to Jack in his mind, even his sunshine's love.

"I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night." He will be Sunny Day Jack. He will be his own hope, his sunshine. Losing himself to this alternate persona was the only thing he had to cling to in that cold and lonely hell. He clung to it like a piece of driftwood until the splinters dug into his hands and made him bleed madness.

"And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares?" Now this shift makes me think of after Jack is freed and the lingering trauma from being in the tape. It's fitting because it comes after a drastic shift in the song to something somber, slowly building into something almost... hopeful?

His dream of being saved came true... but the nightmare of that hell still haunts him.

What if he goes back?

Jack could, just as easily, be sent away if Alice doesn't want him there. He needs to make sure that never happens.

Can Jack really dare to cling to this hope that he's been given, that this actually is reality?

Was he really saved, or is this just another delusion?

So even though Jack finally can sleep, he's finally safe... his fears still haunt him. He can't truly rest until he's sure, absolutely sure, that he won't lose his sunshine ever again. It's the hope he's desperate to hold onto.

"I'll stay awake tonight." The hell of the tape robbed Jack of his ability to sleep, both in the past and in the present. His trauma and mental scars run deep.

No doubt there were many nights where Jack just laid in bed and watched Alice sleep. He focused on her warmth, her steady breathing. Her heartbeat, her soft skin, her smell...

Alice is real. This sunshine is real. Jack knows that. He knows that deep down in his soul, but...

What if?

Just one minute longer. One second more to reassure himself.

This beautiful person Jack holds close in his arms is his salvation. Alice chose to save him. She promised to never forget him. She promised him forever.

Jack feared that the tape would be his forever.

So even though he's tired, Jack just needs a little bit more, just that extra moment more to drink in Alice with all of his senses so that he can truly believe that she delivered him from damnation.

Joseph is dead. The good parts of him, the light and hope he found in himself as that redacted identity are gone from even his memory. Jack is the only one there now.

Alice is the only sunshine Jack can see now, and he'll do whatever it takes to make sure he never loses that light, his hope, his love ever again.

Of course, during these moments of insecurity, Alice would stir, just a little, and cling to Jack tighter. Sometimes she even murmurs his name softly. She can feel that he needs her love through their connected souls.

The thoughts and feelings flow both ways. Sometimes Alice can pick up what Jack is thinking too, especially when his soul cries out to be seen, heard, felt, and loved.

Even though Jack didn't say a word, Alice heard his thoughts, his deepest need, and answered in a sleepy mumble, "Don't worry... I've got you. 'm not going anywhere..."

The soft words, slurred by a haze of sleep, sent a jolt through Jack, and all the love and gratitude he felt for her washed over him. Even in her dreams she would reach out to him, reassure him that she won't let him go. Even when in moments when his fear made their connection feel so tenuous, so fragile, all it took was a soft squeeze of her delicate hand always holding so gently onto his to quiet his fears.

Alice won't remember what she said in the morning, or anything else she mutters in a half-asleep haze, but she'll always remember Jack. She'll remember this man, no matter what name he uses, no matter what the fractured picture of his sanity looks like now. Their love is forever.

Even if Jack can't find the light in the man he used to be, even if the light of the good parts of Joseph are dead, buried, and forgotten in his mind... Jack can always believe in Alice, his sunshine. As long as he has her, he doesn't have to fear the dark or that he'll be banished back to hell.

Jack has the light of hope. It's in his sunshine Alice, and in the persona he wears. Most of all, it's in their love that lived on even after death.

Fortunately, over time, Alice will help him see that the light was always there even when he went any other name. With her help, he'll be able to finally find true peace and rest his weary soul in the gentle sunshine of their love. He'll finally be able to heal and truly shine in spite of the darkness.

Yeah, I know the song ends on a more somber note, but I'm all about happy endings and fluffy vanilla goodness. I couldn't help but add on a bit of a sweet reprise of sorts, even if not in so many lyrics. Sunshine in Hell is all about these wounded soulmates helping each other heal after all.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[miryum]

Foundling Villa- Chapter 12

Royal!Charles Leclerc x Reader. Princess Y/n is arranged to marry Prince Charles. There will be many ups and downs that the author hasn’t planned out yet, but read along to find out more! (Yes, I know that sounds super cheesy) Warnings per chapter. Hope you guys enjoy!

Tag list: @notleclerc @sunsumonner @saturnsrinqs @livster @chonkybonky @eau-rougee @champomiel @justyouraverageeverydaysimp @multifandom-loser

Warnings: Argument, misogyny, a man being a putz and hitting on reader (he grabs her wrist), and protective!Charles (yes, that’s a warning)

ao3 link  next chapter>>

Princess Leclerc,

I am, admittedly, surprised by your letter. It’s not often that a princess writes to me after I attend her brother-in-law’s coronation with tales of foreboding. 

I’m happy that you call me a friend. It’s nice to know that I have confidante in this upscale ladder of hierarchy. 

Concerning your words, I’m afraid I can’t say much more. My father would have my hide. Hopefully, he doesn’t find out that we’re conversing. 

Enza and Redull have always had a rivalry. It started when Redull was an up- and- coming kingdom. Enza felt threatened, so the king sent troops to watch over our building and monarchy. The people of Redull didn’t look kindly on that, and if Enzan troops hadn’t been deployed, Redull’s territory could be much more expensive today. My kingdom has never forgiven yours. My father, especially, had a personal vendetta against Enza. I’m not sure I’m in a position to disclose why. 

There is the past. I cannot tell you the future. All I can say is: tread carefully in the present.

Best wishes,

Prince Max Verstappen 

P.S. pawn to f6

**

“King Stein, once again, I wish to express my immense gratitude for allowing me and my wife to stay with you.” Charles shook King Stein’s hand and bowed. It was a lovely day and the royals of both Enza and Haas stood on the steps of the Haas castle. 

“It’s my pleasure!” King Stein grinned. “The kingdom of Haas is always welcome to Enzans. And my daughter loves having Princess Y/n as a playmate.” Charles glanced over to watch as you swooped up the princess of Haas in a large hug, whispering goodbyes and promises to come again. “But Prince Charles,” King Stein gripped the younger man closer. “Remember what we discussed. It’s vital to Formuline’s future. I recommend sending your quickest messenger to your brother to tell him what you learned.”

“Yes, of course. Once again, my deepest thanks.” Charles bowed once more before his eyes shifted back over to you. “Darling,” Charles ambled over to you and the young princess, setting a hand on your lower back. “We really should be going; King Verstappen is expecting us before nightfall.”

You sighed dramatically. “You’re right, unfortunately. I am so sorry, Princess.” You set the girl down, bopping her on the nose. “I must go now.”

The Princess of Haas groaned. “Noooo! Princess Y/n! We’re not done playing!”

“I know, dear,” you crouched down and pouted. “But I’ll visit soon, okay?”

“Okay…” the young girl huffed. “Do you think you could bring your baby next time?”

You frowned cautiously. “What baby?”

“Your and Prince Charles’ baby!” The girl exclaimed, “everybody has babies and I wanna see yours! I bet they're adorable!”

“We’ll get right on that,” Charles smirked, hand snaking to your waist and pinching your side. You slapped his hand away and bid goodbye to the monarchs of Haas.

The flirting between you and Charles had increased, and you weren’t sure why. It made you feel like a teenager again, daydreaming about the beautiful people you saw at court with your sisters. Your connection with Charles had grown ever since the night at Foundling Villa and the unfortunate death of King Hervé. Along with the connection, the butterflies in your stomach. 

Charles took his place beside you in the carriage and opened up a small chest. “What are you doing?” You hummed, peering at the chest and resting your head on his shoulder. 

“I need to write a letter to Lorenzo,” Charles explained. “King Stein said some very interesting things that shed some light on our current situation.”

“Like what?” You nuzzled into his side, feeling tired after your visit in Haas. Charles focused on the parchment, quill, and ink in front of him. He hoped to ignore the fluttering in his stomach and the pain in his chest.

He started composing his letter to Lorenzo, simultaneously telling you what he had learned. “Redull came to Haas asking for an alliance. Haas demanded to know why, but Redull refused. King Stein heard from King Hamilton that Redull also came to him. We’re nowhere close to knowing their plan, but it’s going to be big. Clearly, Redull doesn’t believe they can do it alone. As long as we keep allies away from them, it’ll buy us more time. I don’t want to believe my worries, but Redull may be looking for war. If they acquire the support of another large kingdom, or even a smaller kingdom such as Lauren or Aston, their army would amass overwhelming numbers that could easily cut down all of Formuline.”

When you didn’t respond with helpful insight or advice, Charles looked down at your sleeping figure. “Oh.” He blinked twice. Does this mean she trusts me now?

**

“Y/n, cherié,” Charles rubbed your back gently. “We’ve arrived in Redull.”

“What?” You mumbled, curling into him. 

“You must awaken. We have to meet with King Verstappen.” 

“Right, yes, alright.” You nodded sagely, and then promptly went back to sleep. Charles chuckled deeply. He continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ear and gently coax you awake until you were fully conscious. “I am so sorry,” you shook your head, embarrassed. “I guess the rocking of the carriage put me to sleep.”

“That’s quite alright, but we still have a meeting to attend to.” Charles knocked on the carriage interior and the door sprung open by a footman. 

“Must I join you in the meeting?” you wondered. 

Charles frowned. “I would prefer it. I’m not sure I trust the people of Redull. Especially the aristocrats. I would rather have you close by so I can see and tend to you.”

“Well, that’s very sweet, Charles, but I’m pretty sure I can handle my own.” 

“If that’s what you want,” he conceded. 

Stepping down from the carriage, you two were greeted by King Verstappen and his son, Prince Max. “Prince Leclerc! Princess Leclerc! What a pleasure to have you join us in Redull!” The two men were dressed to the nines in a way that made you suspect they were trying to upstage or intimidate you. Prince Max muttered something and his father shot him a glare, murmuring a harsh complaint back.

“King Verstappen, how chivalrous of you to invite us,” Charles said.

“Well, once I heard about your newlywed excursion around the continent, I simply had to. It didn’t seem right that you would pass through Formuline without visiting Redull. We are one of your closest allies.” The words had a thinly veiled threat hidden in it. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, after all.

“I can’t imagine how we skipped over Redull,” you spoke up, surprising the Redull monarch. “It pains me that I wouldn’t visit my good friend, Prince Verstappen.” The said man bowed lowly to you. “Oh, and Prince Verstappen,” you began. “King's pawn to e3.”

**

The throne room was bustling with people. You stuck to the edges of the room, priding yourself as a wallflower. You dreaded your decision of not following Charles to his meeting with King Verstappen. Instead of being with your husband, whom you knew, you were stuck in a room full of foreign strangers. Who knew if they were whispering behind your back, plotting the demise of Enza? Needles seemed to prick down your spine. You didn’t feel safe. You felt surrounded by wolves in sheep's clothing. Here in Redull, Charles was the only other sheep you could count on, certain he wasn’t wearing a disguise.

It didn’t help your discomfort that a man kept watching you over the rim of his glass.

This man, in military garb, had shaved blond hair and a lanky frame. His eyes, which bored into you, were a dark brown. You carefully watched as he set down his goblet and stalked over to you. 

Immediately, you turned away. Your gown, which had just been cleaned after the long trip, swished around your feet. The simple tiara that Redull maids had woven into your hair felt heavy. Spying the doors- your exit- you hurried towards them.

“Do you know where Prince Charles is?” you asked one of the guards stationed nearby. Once he gave you directions, you set out down the corridor he instructed. A quick glance over your shoulder confirmed your fears; the military man was following you. An unnerving smirk flew onto his lips when you made eye contact. You turned away and your steps became faster. You knew that as long as you found Charles, this man would leave you alone. You wondered if you should’ve stayed in the throne room- at least people were there to witness anything. Guards had lined the room, capable of intervening. Cursing your impulsive thinking, you knew you were too far into the halls of Redull to turn back. 

Unfortunately, the man caught up to you just as you rounded a corner. “Princess Y/n of Enza, correct?” His gravelly voice made your insides curl with disgust. 

“Princess Leclerc, yes,” you corrected him, attempting to brush past. Just one more hallway and the room where Charles sat would be in your sights. 

“I’m Duke Samuel Hasting. I also hold the title of a commander of King Verstappen’s cavalry.” He seemed to boast, yet his brag wasn’t as grand as he had hoped.

“Fascinating.” You wanted to roll your eyes. “I also hold the title of married.”

“Yet, where’s your husband?” Hasting looked even more disgusting as he lent into you. 

“In a room right down the hall, actually. Would you like me to grab him for you?” 

“No, no, that’s alright. I’m sure he doesn’t have to know everything that happens to you.” Hasting grabbed your wrist.

“I will scream,” you said lowly. It sounded more like a threat than a warning. “Let go of me this instant.”

“Oh, Princess, you don’t mean that.” It sounded like Hasting was trying to sound seductive, but he just sounded constipated.

“I do mean it,” you retorted. “Why would I say it otherwise? That’s stupid.” You wrenched out of his grip and stormed down the hall. Finally turning the corner, you saw Charles exiting the meeting room, shaking hands with advisors of Redull, looking pleased, yet reserved. 

“Y/n!” Hasting called out sharply.

“Y/n?” Charles’ head turned towards you. You let out a sigh of relief. Seeing your expression, Charles’ brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?” He stepped towards you, hand outstretched and you grasped it thankfully. “Y/n?” he asked again.

“Please, can we leave?” you asked.

“Yes, but why?” Charles’ eyes darted to Hasting, who stood at the end of the corridor.

“Princess Y/n was bothering me,” Hasting smoothly lied. “Making advances, and such. I thought you should know.”

“Is this true, cherié?” Charles glanced down at you. 

You shook your head, a little hurt that he thought you would flirt with another man. “The opposite, actually. I was coming to get you when this… Duke grabbed me.”

“He touched you?” Charles’ words became dangerously low. 

“He took hold of my wrist, Charles. It wasn’t that bad.”

“No, you’re wrong. He should never have touched you. What this Duke did was betray the trust of Enza by pursuing you.” Your husband shot a look at the Redull advisors, who shrunk from his stare.

“Charles, please, can we simply leave? I don’t feel comfortable here.” Admittedly, this new protective, even possessive, side of Charles sparked something within you.

“If that’s what you want.” Charles shot one last glare at Hasting. Hasting glowered back, pissed that you outed him. Charles placed a hand on your back and swept you towards the palace entrance.

As you and your husband passed Hasting, the latter man clapped a strong hand on your shoulder, jerked you backward, and snarled, “you bitch!” His hand drew back, as if to slap you, but Charles intervened.

It would best be described as a dance. Charles’ movements were fluid and languid. In one motion, Charles gently pushed you behind him, reared back, and punched the man. “That is my wife!” A primal instinct seemed to rush over him: an instinct to protect what he loved. 

Blood poured out of Hasting’s broken nose and the skin at Charles’ knuckles split. Redull advisors were quick to pull Charles back, lest he do anything worse. You and Charles were ushered out of the Redull palace, hurried goodbyes from both you and Prince Max; you wanted one good tie to the kingdom. 

Once you were in the carriage, tying one of your handkerchiefs around his hand, you whispered softly, “thank you, Charles.”

Charles’ eyes had gone from livid to loving. “I told you- I’d do anything for you.”

[cosmichighpriestess]

There is only now. You know this deep down. Release your rigid beliefs about time every chance you are aware.

Practice makes perfect. Time is a limiting belief that God did not create. Humans have been brainwashed into believing in time to keep us from evolving or ever finding out the truth. Check your "time" It's always now. It's never not now. What you feel is time is actually energy. Energy follows thought. The ego mind believes so strongly that you have to hold on to the past. There is no such thing. There's only now.

When you watch a movie or when you think about the past when you claim that you have proof of the past from videos or photos, you are actually just looking at another now moment in time happening simultaneously. You can quantum jump to another version of you existing on a parallel reality. Every time you change your perspective, you quantum jump. You're already doing it all the time. You don't have to create the illusion of being the same person you were. You're a multidimensional, limitless being. You're the only one setting limits on yourself from fear based beliefs. It's not your fault we were all brainwashed and programmed heavily forgetting who we really are. Your ego is holding onto these beliefs so tightly about who it thinks you are and should be because it doesn't know any better. The illusionary past is creating your depression. Let go of it. It doesn't serve you any longer. Or do, you have free will.

The ego knows nothing. Let go. Be gentle with yourself but let go. If you want to imagine a memory remember, you're having an out of body experience just by imagining this childhood version of you or younger version of you. That is happening now. So, get this through your mind, you will get it just remember the present moment now, is all there is. It's always now and it's never not now. The sun setting is an illusion. It never sets, it's still shining right now, you just can't see it because it's shining on another side of your planet. The darkness at "night" is just giving your body time to rest so you can keep an equal balance of resting and playing because you're in a physical body. We're in an experiment. We are in a video game holographic reality. But remember it's always now. Time follows thought.

As you stay in the now moment you vibrate higher and you are more grounded into this hologame on Earth. Then you will stop aging because you're not focused on the illusionary future keeping you stuck. If you're more passionate at "night" in the darkness which is a gift, then remember you can forget that there's such a thing as time and remember you can do whatever you want to. Time is fluid, its not contained on a calendar. Time is not solid. Just remember to rest when your physical body needs rest. When you're manifesting remember there's only now, so release your beliefs that something is coming tomorrow, it's here NOW. You're keeping it away from you every single time you keep the limiting belief that it's not here now. It is here now, it's just invisible to you because you must match the frequency of it.

So once you realize you're timeless, once you realize every single moment that there's no rush, there's no hurry because you're an eternal, limitless being you will shift your reality. It takes practice to remember to live in the now. So don't plan. Don't make goals. That's your ego. Your ego doesn't know any better. But don't set limiting beliefs up for yourself that make life harder. These are only programs within our system the ego bought into because everyone else bought into it. Work smarter, not harder. Just play. Making goals is not living in the now. Planning is not living in the now, it's living in, anxiety in the future. Anxiety is just excitement with a negative judgement. Remove the judgement and you have excitement..Just do, just be, just live NOW. Stay in the flow and life will naturally work for you and always in positive synchronicity because you were living in the now staying in the present moment, therefore creating more joy therefore creating more positive synchronicity. Every single time you experience a synchronicity or a miracle you are experiencing time being fluid. We're always shifting into new realities every second. But we create the illusion of being the same person we were.

But there's no such thing as a past or a future. Just different realities on different frequencies. Do You understand? It's all just different "stations" and frequencies it's not another place. It's just all realities, dimensions levels of consciousness that are all next to each other but invisible to each other. New Earth has new rules, one of them being stay in the now or get left behind because you weren't willing to listen to your higher mind and ignore your ego and create the illusion of aging. Wake up divine soul, you are immortal. Immortality is a state of consciousness. Just decide now that you have plenty of "time". Because there's only now.

So, ignite that fiery passion within you, doing whatever it is that excites you the most and don't stop doing it until your physical body is tired and needs to rest. Then find the next most exciting thing to do. Even if it's resting and relaxing. Always remember resting is an action. But when you feel called to get back up again just do it. Just act on it, just let go and relax and enjoy yourself. Don't give time which is an illusion, the power to run your show. Keep this perspective if you wish, every single day is an entire lifetime to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Stop honoring time and start honoring the now present moment because it's beautiful and it's all you'll ever have.

[eighthday]

Review first season "Vigil"

Ep 3. An episode about loneliness and loss.

Although the series is shown from Amy's point of view, but in this episode, each character experiences his own trauma and deals with it in their own way. (An episode about each of us.) The pressure on Amy is starting to build up. The first attempt to find the killer came to a dead end. Amy's time on the submarine has been extended from 3 days to 3 weeks, and her pills have run out. And she let Poppy down again by promising what she couldn't deliver. After all, it was then that she realized that she would not have the opportunity to wish Poppy a happy birthday. Who rewarded her with such boundless responsibility and a sense of guilt not even for her mistakes? These downward steps, which she has taken more than once in the past, will reach a deep end and a state of revelation on her part at the end of the episode.

And then the present comes and passes familygram ❤️from Kirsten. A pleasant little thing again)

This familygram is more personal than all the others. Was Amy a little happy that the radio operator who delivered the telegram only confirmed that Amy knew about Kirsten's attitude towards her, but was afraid to admit? It is likely that Amy does not specifically reminisce about Kirsten, not understanding and doubting where they are in the present. Is this her approach in a relationship, or does she not want to hurt herself even more?

This is also one of the few times when Amy smiles sincerely. Kirsten hides behind a wish from a cat to emphasize, but not to attract the attention of other people, highlighting only three words for herself. "So do I". It's about work, but for me it's also a part of Kirsten.

Looking at this scene, I have several questions: Who are all these people except Amy and Poppy? Why are Ian's parents not at the funeral? Is Poppy being picked up by a close family friend or a social worker?(They can't be Ian's relatives, because if they were, Poppy would have stayed with them) Is there no one on Amy's side who could support her? Are they even alive or is she alone?

It's great to know that, after several previous attempts, these two have started to build a good relationship in Amy's absence)

In addition, we see a lot of photographs in many scenes that decorate Amy's home. Who enjoys taking pictures, storing them on their phone, and then printing them out? Amy has many skills besides saving her own phone password from Poppy.

"It's unfair." Say this phrase to a detective who must uncover the truth and restore justice, who works so hard that he becomes a DCI, who has tools and assistants at his disposal, who solves cases after case, but who due to chance loses his future. We don't know why Amy left medical school after the second year, which is very difficult to enter, but maybe she was searching for justice? Amy saves and gives a chance not only to Harry, but also to herself. If you put a mirror in front of Amy, the main core of the scene wouldn't change. She admits something to herself that she couldn't even tell the therapist or Kirsten.

Since Kirsten sent such a familygram, there was more than just one moment associated with this book. Most likely, there were also many other books, because Amy couldn't immediately understand the message. Amy is probably used to seeing Kirsten awake in the early morning and therefore does not ask her anything, but simply raises Kirsten's hand in a familiar, confident gesture to hug her and be closer.

P.S. It couldn't have been another animal, could it?)

Who remembers the story of Jonah? The prophet who was swallowed by a whale for three days so that he would become what he was destined to become.

[starres-stuff]

Day 27: Memory FFXIV Write 2024

Memory: something remembered from the past; a recollection.

An entry from the journal of Viviane Jienuex-Vimaroix

Someone asked me today at the bakery as I was packaging their order if I had a favorite memory. It is not a question that a stranger normally asks to make small talk and at the time I was not certain how I would answer it. So I told them I did not. The customer was an Au Ra, who grew up in Thavnair, her Father one of the Radiant Hosts, she shook her head at me and insisted we all have a favorite memory, to recall it we have to tap into life's flow. 

It was not a strange concept for me, I had been told before that time and memory flowed like a river both moving to one point where it became part of something else, and that would become part of something else. The eternal passage of life. That was what it was called or as Doshaine had called it one night, The Way. 

Still, I could not think of one singular memory that I would deem my all-time favorite, and even after this mysterious Raen left my bakery I could not get the question out of my head. It lingered there as I packaged other orders and was there as we did the baking for the morning. It followed me home as I walked through the Beds and into the garden Kovalt has cultivated with love and understanding. Through dinner, I heard that question again and eventually, it begged me to sit with my journal to think. Still, there was no favorite to find there were just so many that I had recalled since I was asked the question. 

After our visitor was gone, Xixa had turned to me and told me that the Spinner sent the Raen to test my growth, that she was a voice who knew well the tapestry and how it flowed into the next chapter of life. It was not the first time I had been tested on my faith and growth but it has been the hardest to date. The longer that I sit with these thoughts and this question, I come to the realization that no, I do not have a single favorite memory, it is not that simple and it is quite impossible as memories are forged with every person we know and every place we had ever been. 

Our memories are special to us whether they are good or bad. They let us monitor our growth and see our changes. They remind us of what did not work for us and what we should do more of. Every significant event in our lives, large or not, becomes part of our flow and for me, I had no singular favorite memory as they were all special to me. They helped shape who I have become today. 

There are more dangerous things that dwell in the flow as well and fight to keep us from going forward. Stagnation, lack of trust, and anger just to name a few. They are the traps left in our memories to halt our growth. They become lenses we look through when we look at others and as soon as we see them that is when we push people away. We use those things to build walls around our hearts and minds to stay safe. We were fooled once and never again. Then slowly we begin to treat that person as we were treated until the day comes that we have transformed them into ourselves at the height of our hurt. 

It is such a complex thing, memory. It can build hopes or destroy our dreams depending on what we do with it. We can seek tomorrow with an open heart and mind, or we can become trapped in the past and relive it with people who do not deserve our scorn but do deserve our love. They deserve that place in the flow uninterrupted by our fears. 

If I see the Raen again, I will have an answer for her. No, I don't have a singular favorite memory, I have many. This includes meeting her for she brought to my mind all these rich thoughts, and through doing so pointed out to me my flaws. To go forward I can no longer look back to the darkness behind me or worry about what the future has in store. I must dwell here in the present and now. It is where the adventure truly is after all. 

V.J.V

[golden-sandwing]

There are many fans who wonder why the Silkwings don't have Nightwings parts since Clearsight was involved with several Beetlewings (which hasn't been explained yet but that's okay)

After seeing many theories and headcanons and also reading a lot about the Silkwings I came to a conclusion

Silkwings are Beetlewings in the present

why? because if you look closely, the Hivewings are a generation of hybrid children of Clearsight, which means that the Beetle gene was reduced over time and the only parts that remained were the horns on the forehead, wings and perhaps the tail, now the Silkwings have much more of Beetlewings than the Hivewings themselves

let's remember the past, Clearsight went to Pantala and met the Beetlewings and Leafwings, she stayed with the Beetlewings and started having partners and children, ok now what if we think about the following that a part of the Beetlewings must have stayed not long happy with that since Clearsight was from Pyrrhia the place they were expelled from besides she can see the future so they must have been a little scared of her powers and so they went to a rainforest to live away from Clearsight and the Her children and they over time began to evolve into a more "simple" appearance and became the Silkwings while Clearsight's children became the Hivewings

Maybe some Silkwings were involved with Clearsight's children, yes, but I don't think it was a big part and that's why the Silkwings must be the only ones who still have pure Beetlewing blood because they are from the present while the Hivewings are a result of hybrids

remembering that what I said is not canonical since the guide doesn't say anything about that, it only cites old stories so I'm not entirely sure

One thing I find strange is the Hivewings' abilities, how do they have venom? like maybe the Beetlewings didn't have venom since they don't mention them using it in combat with the animals of Pantala so where did this poison come from since we know that the Nightwings don't have venom, I believe it's a part of the Rainwings since they went to Pantala too, a small group, perhaps they were involved with Clearsight's children and have very few Rainwing genes but these genes must be precisely the venom of the Hives

[tinysnailtales]

Thoughts from reading Yona of the Dawn Ch. 4

Ch.4 in summary: the symbolic end of childhood, the (Yona, Hak, Soo-Won) trio backstory, and the history of Yona's loneliness and circle of support

The child left behind.

"Please don't cry, father. Mother's gone, but I'm still here"

When one parent is lost, the burden can fall especially hard on the child as the surviving parent relies on them and/or grows absent. In a way, the loss of one parent is the loss of both.

"You're not alone" – a BIG THEME for the story.

"I need to stay cheerful so my father doesn't cry"

I usually do the The Apothecary Diaries connection, but surprise! Here I'm calling on Fruits Basket and Tohru with how Yona must be there and behave a certain way for her father's benefit like how Tohru did for her mother after her father died.

"You're not alone. And...I have Soo-Won with me" – Yona has Soo-Won as a friend and a support and she has Hak, which we are repeatedly shown but Yona never seems to address (at least not yet or when looking at the past). Could it be she's simply taking him for granted? Has him as such a staple that he isn't noteworthy or "special"? I take it she doesn't realize how important he is to her yet. These two, both in denial in some regard.

"That's amazing, Hak! You cheered Yona right up" – no notes, just genuinely hilarious. And shows off that Yona-Hak dynamic we've come to know. The teasing and comfort.

"Where's my father?" "His majesty is extremely busy. He only just ascended the throne, remember." – poor Yona :( She tries to be there for her father, but feels a bit abandoned by him.

But! If King Il only recently ascended the throne and his wife recently died...is it possible that Soo-Won's father is behind Yona's mother's death?

Even in this memory/flashback, all is not well and there's a lot happening in the background that young Yona probably doesn't understand. This is ultimately a feel-good memory, but Yona is missing the full picture as she focuses on her personal relationships and trauma (not that I blame her).

Yona, Soo-Won, and Hak really are a trio of best friends.

"Lately I've been holding Yona's hand while we sleep, so this is just like normal" "You do that? I think I should leave. I'm in the way." "What?! All three of us should hold hands!" – Hak is already feeling some jealousy and his "I'm in the way" is very much the outline of his future approach to the Yona and Soo-Won situation. And Soo-Won's obliviousness to the lines being drawn within their group is also very telling.

Soo-Won is doing all this and expects us to believe that the way he acted with Hak and Yona was all a lie. Look at those hearts. He is a lil bean excited by everything.

"I didn't know he was your grandfather." "I'm an orphan. Grandpa and I aren't actually related." – Soo-Won didn't know about Hak's connections and status, these things didn't really matter to these kids. Only Hak already feels like he isn't "really" the heir to the Wind Tribe. He feels unworthy and like an outsider.

"But...Mundok came to see you. He must really love you, huh?" – yes, you tell him Yona! She is of course hurting on the inside because her father hasn't come to see her, but this is also a sweet moment between her and Hak. Don't let him be such a grump resigned to feeling unworthy!

Soo-Won's love and admiration for his father just pours out of him. He also admires Mundok and his strength, showing what Soo-Won values in a person and what he will try to emulate.

"Uncle Yu-Hon...he's so tough and stern. He's nothing like Soo-Won at all" – or so it seems, for now.

"Yon-Hi was determined to come too...But in her condition, it would be dangerous for her to fall ill, so I made her stay home" – what's up with Soo-Won's mom? Is she pregnant? What happened to her? Soo-Won (in present day) seems like he doesn't really have anyone.

"You mustn't make your mother worry. I want you to slaughter this sickness as soon as possible" – strength is valued above all else by Soo-Won's father too. It seems he is probably hard on his son too, at least having high expectations of him.

"It hurts so much, father...Don't abandon me."

Little Yona is a reflection of current Yona (and vice-versa) – in moments of hurt, she retreats into herself, becoming distant and depressed. She doesn't eat or take care of herself, as if life (or her life specifically) is not worth living/doesn't matter.

"Yeah...I'm sorry. I'm, sorry for thinking I was all alone."

More emphasis on Yona having Hak and Soo-Won– they're her people (along with her father, but he is not there for her as much).

But King Il does say Yona gets lonely when Hak (and Soo-Won) aren't there, and it's true–what does she do when they're gone? Loneliness is still a big part of her life. I said she lives for snatches of moments with Soo-Won, but moments with Soo-Won and Hak light up her life and drive her forward (though infatuated Yona seems to forget about the Hak of it all).

I wonder how Yona's loneliness shifts when Hak becomes her personal guard and is a more permanent fixture.

"Your father is the king. He's doing his job even at a time like this. I admire that." – Hak's words are to cheer Yona up, but I think he also demonstrates true admiration for duty.

Yona joyfully eating the terrible food her father made her really exemplifies how much she values acts of care from other people.

I said back in chapter 1 that Yona hasn't really thought of the future much beyond wanting to be with Soo-Won– she's not really ambitious or caught up in who she could be or what she could do, she's happy living for those small moments and the people she loves. She wants to love and be loved in return. She knows she's the princess in terms of the lifestyle she's gotten used to, but she hasn't considered the implications of being a princess– at least she hadn't until her father brought up that her position might put the ones she loves in danger.

I love the look exchanged by Hak and Soo-Won, expressing their mutual care for Yona.

A stab to the heart!

"I wish we could all sleep next to each other forever and ever, even if it meant having that cold" – and this from Soo-Won! At this point, he too had simple desires.

"We don't have to be sick. Staying together...is pretty simple." "You're right. Soo-Won...Hak...let's play again tomorrow. Let's play forever and ever..." –I love Hak being the one to point out that they can just choose to stay together and here we basically get a promise of that, an expression of the intention to remain close forever. Ouch.

Now that childhood and that promise is forever tainted. Yona (and Soo-Won and Hak) will never get it back.

I wonder if his father's death is what tainted it for Soo-Won and changed his heart. And now with the death of her father, Yona is forced to experience the same.

Soo-Won threw all of this, the love and the friendship, away. And basically ruined it for all of them, but I feel it isn't just his fault. Whatever we're missing from the story of King Il and his brother will shed some light on this.

It's sad that now even happy memories must be viewed through this new lens. Yona can't think of Soo-Won or her father without feeling the weight of what happened.

The pain continues when Yona wakes from her memory-dream-nightmare to find Hak gone. Her facial expressions are such a journey! From panic to relief at seeing Hak to feeling the full weight of sadness and grief as reality sets in.

She had her father, Soo-Won, and Hak, but now Hak is all she has left.

"The three of us...always used to gaze up at the sky together. That sky is nowhere to be see now." 💔

What was and the future that could have been are gone. And Soo-Won isn't unaffected, even if he pretends to be. He remembers it all too.

The symbolic end of childhood.

Soo-Won lets Hak and Yona go. "You're going to let them live?"

"Now that they've left the palace, there's nothing they can do to us. Anyway...we've got more important things to do." – In spite of everything, Soo-Won still cares for them but hides his affection behind practical justifications.

Our broken trio. Three different expressions.

Soo-Won is angry and determined to follow the path he has set on. Yona is lost and sad. And interestingly, Hak still looks to the sky.

Does he think of Soo-Won?

[toliveforthehopeofitall626]

Learning Never Stops

Silence filled the room as you waited for Ochaco to say anything. She stood a bit awkwardly as if she were waiting for something. "Do you... want to come over here and sit down?" You finally asked, breaking the silence. 

She smiled softly. "I'd love to." She walked over and sat with you in the nest. "An omega has to invite others into their nest. If anyone enters an omega's nest without being invited and accepted it's incredibly disrespectful and can be dangerous." 

"Oh I see, I wouldn't want to cause any problems. I'll try to remember that." You responded as you watched her get comfortable. 

"Now that that is settled let's talk, okay? Tsu and Izuku got a chance to know you, I would like to as well. I'm sure the other pack members will feel the same. We all are very close; we went to high school together and have been working together ever since we graduated. Due to this we all know each other very well." Ochaco could see that her speech was beginning to make you antsy as you shifted a bit nervously in your nest. "I'm not saying any of this to scare you, I just wanted you to be aware of how our pack is. Izuku told us about your old pack and sire and how things might be weird for you."

"So all of you know about my past then?" You could feel your anxiety ready to jump into the deep end. 

"I'm sorry, you should have been the one to tell us, but... well Tsu and Izuku thought if we knew the whole story there was no way anyone in the pack could say no to helping you." She quickly responded, keeping your anxiety at bay. "We all plan to take time to get to know you as well so that you don't feel out of place and can feel more comfortable staying here."

"I don't want to put anyone out, I'm not all that important that they have to go out of their way to make a big deal of getting to know me." You looked down as you spoke. 

""It's not a big deal, besides it's important that everyone gets to know someone who will be staying with us for the foreseeable future." She shrugged as if it truly was no big deal. "Besides I know Deku and Tsu really like you, if the others feel the same you might even be asked to join our pack one day. When you think about it that way, none of this is a big deal or putting us out. Think of it as building friendships and possible courting if it ends up leading to that."

You looked over at her a bit confused, but you didn't really want to ask another question. There was already so much that they had to teach you today, you didn't want to keep bothering the others. "That's a lot of possibilities. I... I'm not sure how to feel about all of that. I've only ever been around one pack before and... well mates and pack houses were not something any of them did. Any friends that were made were... well no one really cared about anything outside of themself."

"I see, you really do have a different experience with packs. I can't imagine what it must have been like surrounded only by a bunch of alphas who, as you put, don't care about anyone else. Wasn't that incredibly lonely?" She frowned a bit. "A scared, young omega, forced to put poison in her body and having to face the world essentially alone? How did you get through that?"

"Oh well I wasn't really alone; I had my mother technically. I was her only child. After the incident I created with my presenting my mother was pretty much banned from trying to sire any other pups. They didn't trust she wouldn't give the pack more useless beta mouths to feed. Oh that is their opinion not mine, I promise. I know that their views are wrong. I've known for a while but... until now there was nothing, I could have done to change my situation. And now I'm rambling and I'm sure that you don't care about all of this." You scoffed at yourself for not learning when to stop over sharing. 

"I care y/n." She gave you a small smile. "Everyone in here cares. I promise you no one is going to be upset that you share any detail with us. Heck if Katsuki can handle Deku's relentless rambling and mumbling when he's hyper fixated, I'm sure they won't mind you talking. Now back on topic, your old pack and Sire were terrible. I know she was your mother but your alpha did so much that was wrong."

"Oh no I understand that. I know that it was wrong. But, she's my mother. I can't help but to have felt a connection, to want to please her, make her happy so that one day she might actually love me back like a real parent should. I was so close. I was going to graduate this year you know? Get myself a good well-paying job, finally stop being a waist of space and money and actually contribute to our pack."

Ochaco frowned a bit as she listened to you talk. It was that same kind of look you'd see when a person stuck in an abusive relationship claims they love their abuser. And while the claim may be true it in no way forgives the things that were done. "I know that you love her, any crazy person could see that, there's no other reason for you to have tormented yourself and allowed her to abuse you for so long if you didn't care. I'm sorry that the love you felt was not returned, but I promise one day, you're going to find people who do love and care about you just like a real family should. And until you find it, you have all of us here who will care and support you." 

You could feel tears well up and leaned forward, hugging Ochaco close. "Thank you." The two of you hugged for several moments before finally pulling away. "Really never in my life did I ever imagine being able to get out of that pack. I most certainly never expected to make friends or have the opportunity to think about finding mates and packs of my own one day. I'm so incredibly thankful to you and everyone else."

"I think you're going to be an amazing omega to whatever pack you choose to be a part of. I'm sure there will be a lot of alphas and packs trying to court you. You're pretty and smart, and you actually have a will of your own. They'll be lining up for a chance." Ochaco joked a bit with you, causing you both to laugh. 

"Well, I don't know about that, I don't even know what you mean. I know what the definition of courting is of course but why do you make it sound so important?" You finally asked. May as well just stop being insecure about not knowing anything. The only way to learn is to ask after all, right?

"Oh well like dating, but also the alpha, or beta in some cases, makes a show of how they can treat you, provide for you and a pack. It's all really... well the term is very outdated. Essentially it's like advanced dating." It made sense, and you felt a little silly for not already knowing that. 

"Thank you for explaining, and for wanting to talk. You're welcome in here any time. Actually, I'd like it if you all came in regularly. It's been nice being able to have people to talk to instead of just... well keeping everything bottled up and being left on my own." Ochaco leaned forward and hugged you again. This had to be the most amount of times you'd been hugged in a single day, not that you'd complain. You desperately craved it. It was something you never knew you needed until now, and now that you did, there was no way you could go without. You needed that companion ship, hugs, talking, support... all things you'd missed your whole life and now it's all being handed to you, and you'd never felt so safe and happy.

[sisitrip]

Welp, I missed day 28 of A.U.gust 2023 (the one day I was excited to do), but life/drama/the humidity that made me enemies with my hair lol kept me from it. But, since ill editing and reading for a bit, my brain wouldn't let me do that until I posted this one. I want to thank @gallavichthings for hosting A.U.gust once again. I only got in two days, but I had fun nonetheless.

With that said, I'm offering "Will Do" with no expectations. (2,082k words)

Housekeeping:

Da: Yes (Russian)

Spasibo: Thank you (Russian)

TW: Mention of scare tactics used against a small child by our most hated sperm donor.

_______________________________

Ian pads into the dining room grappling with a helplessness he hates. 

Silent and distressed, Mickey is huddled on their bed recovering from yet another nightmare and there’s nothing he can do to stop them. Nothing. 

He paces, futility ushering him to do something, anything to erase the memory of Mickey crying in his arms, scared and curling his toes hard enough to turn them white. Desperate, he’d come out to heat some milk, the only thing he could think to do and it kills him that he can’t do more. 

He takes a few angry swings in the dark, hissing “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you” with each jab. He didn’t think his hate for Terry could grow.

“Bad dreams again?”

Ian jumps when Svet seems to materialize out of the shadows of the sparsely lit kitchen. He laughingly sags into a dining room chair, hand on his chest as orange sparks prickle his vision.

“Christ, Svet. You need a bell,” he says, unsteady. “Yeah, third nightmare this month. Night sleeping is still new for him.”

He blinks a few times and the sputtering orange lights finally fade. He needs sleep. He always sees dumb stuff when he’s this tired.

“You fixing Yevvy a bottle?” he asks.

“Da. He will shit again, but we must feed the bottomless pit.” 

Ian laughs softly. Yev’s appetite was legendary, a trait Mickey was proud of. 

“I’ll go get him. I just came to warm some milk for Mick,” he says, rising.  

“Wait!” 

He stills at Svet’s sharp tone. The delicate detente they’d reached was fresh and he’s always careful not to upset that balance. 

“Did … did I do something, Svet? I know this situation isn’t, I don’t know, ideal. But, we … me and Mickey, we could stay at my place if it makes you-”

“No, that part is okay. It’s just Yevgeny. He sleeps. I thought I would move before air raid alarm,” she jokes, sounding anything but amused as she waves him back into his seat. “I heat milk for the enfant terrible too.”

Ian smiles, relieved he hasn't clumsily ruined the truce he’s fought hard for and won. He takes a deep breath and wrinkles his nose against a warm electric smell he can’t quite place. Like burning metal maybe. 

“You were always sweet, Ian. Too sweet for this world you’d lived in with Mickey,” Svet says, rueful and quiet. A stove burner alights with a blue flame as she twists a knob. “But, it was that sweetness that let you accept Yev. What I didn’t know at the time was that you would come to love Yev like I did.”

Ian pauses in rubbing his sleepy eyes. Her past tense is throwing him off, making this moment weirdly surreal. Like an echo from a remembered conversation. 

He corrects her gently. “Like you do. Love Yevvy like you do. Here we say “do” for present and “did” for past.”

“What do you say for the future?” she asks. 

���Will do.”

“Spasibo.” Svet opens the refrigerator with her back to him. “You took good care of Yev. You were a better caretaker than either of us and I failed him when he’d needed me most. But, you never did. Even when you didn’t know yourself, you made sure he was safe. I’m betting that you'll do it again when he comes looking for you.”

There it is again. The odd use of the past tense. And did her accent just drop entirely?

Despite those disturbing anomalies, Ian’s too distracted by her clothing to focus on them. She’s not dressed in the robe and nightgown she usually favors. Instead she’s wearing some sort of reflective leggings that look metallic and uncomfortable. Her shape is different too. Softer, fuller. 

“Failed Yevvy how? And what do you mean when he comes looking for me?" he asks, watching her move slowly to the stove, like her limbs couldn’t respond fast enough. 

“Nevermind that.” She sets a milk filled pot on the flames then leans carefully against the refrigerator. “I have to tell you about my Yev. You need to be there for him.” 

The dark is doing something strange to her voice. It sounds otherworldly with a slight echo or reverb that gives it a tinny sound. Like a radio playing at night in a distant neighbor's yard. He doesn't know why, but it's freaking him out.

They both jump when a bedroom door opens and they hear Mickey’s footsteps approaching. Jesus, the whole house is spooking him tonight.

“Don’t tell him I’m awake. He’ll get embarrassed,” Svet whispers, slipping to the side of the refrigerator shrouded in darkness.

Mickey pads over, naked save his socks. 

His heart aches at the sight of those socks. Tonight is the first time Mickey’s told him why he always needs socks after a nightmare. Ian couldn’t imagine waking up from sleep as a four year old with your father gibbering like a monster under your bed and grabbing your naked toes in the dark. He finally understands why Mickey prefers sleeping during the day and it breaks his heart. 

“You comin’ back to bed?” Mickey steps between his legs, squeezing his shoulders. 

Ian’s about to warn him that Svet is up, but thinks better of it. She’s seen him naked before. 

“Just warming up some milk. You want cinnamon this time?”

He pulls Mickey close by the hips and kisses his sleep warm belly. 

“Yeah. But, I’ll make it.” 

Ian presses his face into Mickey’s stomach and runs his hands up and down the back of his thighs. He's not quite over Mickey screaming awake like he did. His protective caveman had surfaced with a vengeance.

“No, baby, I got it. Go back to bed. I’ll bring it in,” he mumbles, blowing warm puffs of air into Mickey’s navel, making him chuckle. 

“Baby.” Mickey’s soft snort is affectionate as he strokes the back of Ian’s neck. “You only call me that after a nightmare.”

“That’s the only time you’ll let me.” In the dim glow of the streetlight, Mickey’s face is still marked by his dream. Vulnerable and stricken. “I could call you that when we’re in the supermarket if you want.”

Mickey sucks his teeth and runs his fingers through Ian’s hair. 

“Let’s try it around here first, alright?” Mickey kisses him. Sweet, precious. “Hurry up. Hate layin’ in there without you.”

Ian lets him go after giving his hips a squeeze. 

“I’m right behind you … baby.” 

Mickey huffs a soft laugh and kisses his forehead before padding off, leaving him smiling. Yeah. He's going to call him baby everyday. 

The clink of a pot against a mug brings him back down to reality. Svet’s pouring the heated milk and he flushes. He’d forgotten about her. Mickey, like always, eclipsed everything around him. 

“You teach him to love. That’s good. Needed,” she says, pulling the cinnamon from their meager rack of spices. “Yev will need both of you to know love.”

“He’s taught me a few things too,” he says through a yawn, wanting their Mickey scented bed now more than ever.

“Da. How to be a father without actually being a father. I will be grateful for that later.”

Svet sets the mug on the dining room table and he has a mild shock. She looks … tired. There are lines in her face and her hair must be catching the light weird because it looks silver in some places. And her pajamas. They’re definitely reflective and have panels in the chest and along the arms, almost like protective plating. Crazier still, they’re pulsing with a warm orange light. He blinks hard, leaning forward to get a better look, but she steps back into the gloom of the kitchen. 

“Svet, what the hell are you wear-”

“Oh fuck, no. It’s too soon. The cycle’s started. I was supposed to have more time,” she says fast, accent completely gone as she backs up. A warm copper scent begins to suffuse the room. “Listen. Yevvy’s going to come to you, Ian. When he’s 14, he’ll find you. Take him in. Even if Mickey doesn’t want to. Take him in.”

Ian’s heart begins to trip as tiny orange lights flicker around the kitchen. They fizzle to life between him and Svetlana, only to wink out as soon as they appear and are replaced by more. The hot copper smell is strong now, overpowering.

“Svet, what are you talking about? Holy shit, are we having an electrical fire?!” Ian stands and takes a step forward as more sparks of orange light swirls around her. Despite the violence of their appearance, they make no sound. 

“Stop! Stay there! The intake will kill you,” Svet warns, backing into a dark corner. “Just take Yev in. He will have no one but you and Mickey until I’m released. Promise me!”

There’s a horde of orange lights swirling along Svet’s body now, illuminating her. What he sees takes his breath away. 

Svet’s older. At least 60. Her face is wrinkled and her hair is gray. She’s aged 40 years since yesterday and that’s impossible. 

“I agreed to do this only if I could change Yev’s trajectory and this is the moment that triggers you to remember later. We found that your hippocampal storage will retain this specific memory and I need you to hold onto it! Yev needs you to!”

The orange lights surge now, filling the kitchen with an unearthly glow and an odd warmth. Frozen, Ian watches Svetlana fight against an invisible current that seems to be pulling her inward. She speaks rapidly now, as if racing against some unknowable deadline.

“Take him in. His life changes for the better because you do. He won’t get radicalized. I will get to see him again if I survive this. Just help him Ian! Promise me you’ll do it! Say you will do-” 

She winks out into a cloud of orange sparks, leaving behind a strong smell of heated copper. 

In shock, he responds to her pleas while they still echo in this empty space.

“Will do.”

The air in the kitchen crackles in the silent aftermath and Ian can’t move, sure that what he just witnessed wasn’t real. He’s been under so much stress - living with Mickey and Svet, running out of money, dancing at the club. Add to that the coke he hadn’t told Mickey about, but had needed lately to keep moving. Maybe he needed to cut back like he told Fiona because no fucking way that happened.

“Ian.” 

Mickey’s standing in the dining room holding the steaming mug of milk. “What are you doing?” 

With a start, he turns away from the dark kitchen. It wasn’t real. It didn’t happen.

“I-I couldn’t remember if I turned off the stove,” he says, soft and uncertain. 

“Doesn’t look like it. Turn it off now, it smells a little burnt in here,” Mickey whispers. “C’mon. Let’s go back to bed before you wake Svet.”

Ian turns off the stove and follows him, slowing past Svet’s room. He peeks in and she’s sleeping on the bed holding Yevgeny. He lets out a shaky breath. He’d sleepwalked. It’s happened before. That’s all. Nothing more than that.  

“Ian, you better get in here before I finish this milk or you ain’t gettin’ any,” Mickey teases from their bedroom doorway. 

He hiccups a disjointed laugh and follows Mickey inside, shaking off the last of whatever that waking dream had been. 

In bed, he loses himself in Mickey’s body, emptying him twice, until he’s wet, gaping and emotional. Still unsettled by his waking dream, he seeks stability and an outlet for his need to fix. He finds both in every moan, gasp and soft cry Mickey gives him until he no longer feels adrift. Satiated, they curl around each other and Mickey presses his feet atop Ian’s, body relaxing with this anchor he seems to need. Ian holds him tight and falls asleep, allowing the dream of Svetlana to fade into memory.  

He won’t think about this night again. 

For exactly fourteen years, he doesn’t even have the vaguest memory of it. But, the day there’s a knock on their Westside apartment door and a blond teenager with Mickey’s eyes says his name is Yev, he instinctively lets him inside.

Later, after they decide Yev should stay, Mickey asks him to make up the couch. Ian smells warm copper before he speaks without thinking. 

“Will do.”

[fleet-admiral-hiba]

Helloo

First off thank you so much for doing my request, I appreciate it so much and it turned out a absolute masterpiece

you have skills I swear

I have another request but it could be more angsty, wherever you wanna take it

Alright so one of the harbingers or two, dottore would make the most sense in this scenario, while testing out some random things or whatever they somehow jump to the future, whilst looking around the palace (It could be ruins but that’s going down the angsty route, would still be entertaining though) they find some sort of hooded figure, after a bit of questioning where they are and who we are it is revealed that we are a future version of the little fox, us being in our teen years of sorts,

this really could go anywhere tbh, we could be mad at them for some reason, it could be revealed they pasted away and we where still in mourning,

ofc if you don’t wanna do this you don’t have to lmao

Thanks again, you’re work is amazing

-Simon

A/n: another great request man,I'm glad you liked the other one.

ADIEU

He was messing around with a new concept. He had always been fascinated by time travelling, but he didn't expect to really achieve such enormous task, even as basic as it had been.

He felt the pull, making him lunge forward.

Time stretched until he fell.

Snow covered the land.

It seemed familiar.

Very familiar.

.

.

.

He walked around the place, realising he had just landed outside the town surrounding the cathedral. But everything was silent.

No movement, no noise.

Nothing.

Shops laid abandoned. Houses ruined by the never ending storm, no pedestrian walking.

It was so silent.

So dead.

A once bustling town reduced to nothing but ruins.

Walking further along the road, he made his way towards what remained of the majestic building.

Looking around, he saw nothing but dust,broken pillars and remains of what once was the hotspot of the most prominent nation in the world.

He checked every room, but there was no one. Not even automatons. Or the few that were there were nothing but junk, having succumbed to the ferocious weather.

Not even the rooms had been spared. Walls busted down, nothing remained.

Only a lonely figure, kneeling on the ground.

And behind them...tombs.

He approached the seemingly only survivor.

But before he could ask who they were, he recognized the names engraved in the stone.

PANTALONE

PULCINELLA

PIERRO

CHILDE

And they went on. And on.

Disbelief. Surely it must have bee a dream, a sick sort of hallucinations.

But it wasn't.

And he knew who he had in front of him.

"Y/n" he whispered.

You turned around, but you had lost all of your humanity. You remembered him, but it was for nothing.

"Everything is lost. The traveller... destroyed everything. I am the only survivor" you said, already anticipating what he was going to ask.

Dottore stilled. How could it happen? Why? Didn't the Tsaritsa...

"Not even mother survived. They hid me in a chest, and told me to stay quiet. Time passed, I heard the shouts and the screams. But then...silence. They found me, they wanted to take me with them. I couldn't. I was but a child. I couldn't do anything to protect my home...

Once they died, everything went downhill. The city, the land itself. All perished" you went on.

Impossible. It was...

Before he could say anything else he got pulled back.

You stood there. Looking forlornly at the now print of where once Dottore stood.

You bid farewell to your home. And went away into the storm.

.

.

.

He was pulled into the present, and he run. He didn't even think he had it in him to care about something so trivial, he joined the Tsaritsa to fulfill his wish.

But your eyes... They were wrong. No child had to suffer like you did. And now he could prevent that suffering.

The emergency call round fast around, and soon all of them were there.

Pierro was... petrified.

The others were traumatized.

They had to do better.

Not for them.

But for you.

.

.

.

Time flew by...but who knew what happened to the beating heart of Snezhnaya...

Nor what happened to harbingers...

All we knew was that a great war ravaged the land ...

But no winners nor losers ever emerged back...

Only a lonely piece of scarf flew around the land of eternal winter.

[gunkreads]

S2E3 thoughts:

They absolutely fucking FACEPLANTED. Fully shit the bed. on the pacing for Nynaeve's arch challenges. I'm going to talk about this to distract myself from the loss of My Boy Uno. Let me explain:

The core of the arches is to stare down the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future and beat the shit out of them. Aspiring Accepted are meant to look at the regrets, the wrongs, and the joys of a life they could've led and say "No, the ring and shawl mean more to me." THAT is the point. The way out (which astute readers and watchers alike may remember "comes but once") must come when there's a reason to stay in the dream for this to work.

That is not what they fucking did in the episode.

This isn't about divergence from the books, this isn't about my own personal preference; this is about the show establishing a concept and then just drop-kicking it backwards into a wastewater treatment pond.

First dream gets a soft pass. What the hell was she gonna do there? Go upstairs and get killed/kidnapped? I dunno, it was just weird and didn't set up the nature of the challenge very well.

Second dream, we see a problem. The way out only appears after we've implicitly established that there's nothing Nynaeve can do to help. What the hell's the point of that? Of course she's capable of walking away! The show used its visual language to explain very explicitly that Nynaeve can't Heal here and consequently can't do anything to help, then uses regular language to tell us she's not wanted there (bearing in mind that she doesn't really even know how to Heal at this point in the books, so it'd be an herb situation anyway). This is mostly how it goes in the books, sure, but because of the placement of the Healing attempt, there's basically nothing more for her to do at that point besides sit by Tam's side and watch him die. This would've been more potent if there was absolutely any inkling that there was more she could do to fix the situation.

Third dream is the faceplant. I'll tell you what should've happened and you'll agree with me: the arch should have appeared as she watched the boys die, then she should've had to go through it as she watched the Trollocs go into the house after her daughter. Waiting until almost everything was lost, then letting her try to carry her daughter to safety, makes it a non-choice. There was literally no incentive to stay.

There's genuinely nothing wrong with Nynaeve's characterization in this whole sequence. I actually love it dearly. I just think they went 0 for 3 on a very crucial part of the pacing of the sequence.

Anyway.

Mat's fun still. It's super weird how much less antsy he is than his book counterpart--or, at least, how much that antsiness is channeled into smaller physical tics rather than large-scale paranoia and anxiety. I haven't gotten a grip on what'll be driving him yet, but the show is doing a good job telling me that they'll set that up soon. They'd fucking better, at least.

I'm getting weirded out by the power dynamics in the Tower--unpopular or not, Liandrin has absolute authority over the girls in the books by virtue of her status, and turning that on its head in the show just so Egwene and Nynaeve can have more effective rebel moments feels super odd. I don't understand why they're doing it that way. Egwene's confrontation with Liandrin at the ring melter was more confusing than, like, cool.

Rand's plotline is wonderfully paced for a whole-ass different show. His whole shit is going so slowly compared to everyone else's (except Mat) that it's just jarring to cut back to him having made next to zero progress. Arguably the most jarring part is that his goals are unclear right now. I'm speaking from my girlfriend's perspective here, who has not read the books: how the hell did Rand track down Logain, how the hell did he figure out this plan, how the hell did Selene get them into that party, etc. etc. NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING because I'm thinking it too. I fucking know how, don't worry. And my girlfriend can wait to find out, don't worry. The problem isn't that these things aren't been spoon-fed to you, it's that everything else is. Rand's arc in this season is creating a lot of pacing dissonance; it's running so much more slowly and steadily than the other characters' lightning-quick plot sprints that it just feels out of place. Great in isolation, confusing in context.

Perrin's plotline was HRRRRRRGHGHGK

We don't talk about Uno. Do not say his fucking name around me for at least three weeks. I need some time.

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 102 - The Past, Present, and Future, Part 1

The Lemons arrive at their rental in San Sequoia, and the weather is about as gloomy as Ophelia feels right now. Still, it's exciting to be going on their first vacation as a family. Maybe it will make this whole thing suck less.

Xander takes Gemma back to her room for their stay and gets her ready to take a nap.

Xander: Are you going to be good for Miss Celeste? I know you will!

Gemma: 😇

Ophelia watches her husband dote on their daughter. He's nothing like her father. It's amazing.

Ophelia comes over and soothes Gemma after Xander lays her down.

Ophelia: Sleep tight, baby doll. We'll be back soon.

Xander: Are you sure you want to do this right away?

Ophelia: I just want to get it over with. I'm afraid if I don't do it now, I never will.

He nods. He can't relate to her feelings on her parents do he doesn't want to dictate how she should approach it.

They arrive at the office building for Lemon & Lemon shortly after Celeste comes to keep an eye on Gemma.

The building looks exactly the same as it did the last time Ophelia saw it, many years ago.

Xander's here mostly for moral support, since Ophelia has decided she wants to speak to them alone.

Xander: If you need me, give me a shout. Or if things take a turn for the worst, I know a guy who could hook us up with some botched pufferfish nigiri.

Ophelia: Thanks, babe.

Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?

Ophelia: I don’t need one. I’m Richard and Jane's daughter.

Receptionist: Oh! You must be Ophelia. I’ve heard so much about your internship at UBrite.

Ophelia: Oh I bet you have.

Ophelia arrives at their office door and hesitates. She can't remember everything she's been scripting in her head the past few days. What if she makes a total fool of herself?

Well, they already think pretty lowly of her. Guess things can't get much worse.

Ophelia bursts into the office to find her parents talking about an upcoming case. They're elders now. They've changed so much since the last time she saw them... she doubts they've changed internally though. Guess we'll find out.

Richard: Excuse me, just what do you-

He pauses, once it finally registers with him who he’s looking at.

Richard: Ophelia?

Jane somehow doesn’t seem as shocked.

Jane: Ah, Ophelia. I didn’t know you were in town.

Ophelia: Yeah, you don’t really get to know stuff like that anymore when you disown someone. You also don’t get to lie about it to the whole city! What's this I’m hearing about me taking over the firm?

Jane: Nice to see you too, dear. We're doing great, thanks for asking.

Ophelia: No, don’t you DARE give me that passive aggressive llamashit. Have you two seriously been telling people the reason I left is because I went to law school? What, were you embarrassed to admit you threw your own child out into the streets like trash?

Jane: Don’t stand there and play victim. Your father and I gave you every opportunity to succeed and you squandered it for a silly pipe dream!

Ophelia: I know you don’t keep up on trends because that’s too close to having fun but that ‘silly pipe dream’ made me a 2-star celeb!

Ophelia: That’s right, I made it! People love my music, and that might not mean anything to you but it means the world to me! Honestly, I should thank you for kicking me out. Having your toxicity out of my life was the best thing that ever happened to me!

Jane: Here we go with the dramatics. I would have hoped you’d grow out of this by now, Ophelia. I’m SO sorry we fed and clothed you and sent you to the best schools with the best tutors. Oh, what awful parents we were!

Ophelia: You don’t get to talk to me like that anymore!

Ophelia: Nothing you did in my entire life was because you gave a rat’s ass about me. Everything you EVER did and ever do is about status. I’m sure that’s why you lied to everyone about disowning me, because deep down you KNOW it was a shitty thing to do.

Richard: You’re one to talk, young lady. I had to find out about my mother’s passing after the fact. How could you not invite us to the funeral?

Ophelia: Gran wasn’t subtle about hating you two after what you did to me. Besides, I figured you'd be too busy with work to show up!

Jane: Did you come here just to throw a tantrum, Ophelia? Unlike you, we have jobs.

Ophelia: Are you not listening? I have a job! I’m the lead singer in an up-and-coming band!

Jane: I meant we have REAL jobs that matter, darling.

Ophelia: UGH!

Ophelia: You know what? I don’t need to prove myself to you two! I have an amazing life and I’m surrounded by people I love. That’s more than you two can say! You have to lie just so people won’t know how scummy you are.

Jane: We lied for YOUR sake, but we should have known you wouldn’t be grateful.

Ophelia: Enlighten me! How does that help me in the slightest?

Jane: We figured you’d come crawling back once your little music thing inevitably blew up in your face. We were protecting you.

Ophelia: As if. You were protecting yourselves, just like you always do.

She smirks.

Ophelia: Well, I’m almost a B-Lister, so your lie is about to unravel. Since you were doing it to protect me, and surely not yourselves, you won’t be ashamed when news gets out, right?

Jane glares at her daughter.

Jane: I don’t know what we ever did to you to make you so spiteful.

Ophelia has a lot of things she could bring up. The missed birthdays. The meals she was denied because she got a B on a test. The isolation.

Ophelia: You know exactly what you did.

She thought she’d feel like the queen of the world after confronting them, but they really haven't changed.

Ophelia: I thought maybe after all this time, you two would feel a LITTLE bad for what you did to me, but I guess that just proves how little I ever mattered to you.

Richard: Of course you matter to us, that’s why we don’t want you to waste your life! You’re our daughter!

Ophelia: No! I would NEVER treat my daughter how you treated me!

Richard: You… You have a daughter?

She didn’t want to tell them but no going back now.

Ophelia: I do. Unlike you, my husband and I will support her no matter what.

Jane: You have a husband too? It wouldn't have killed you to tell us. Do you know how bad it’d look if someone brought them up and we had no idea?

The AUDACITY of these people!

Ophelia: When you disown someone, you're not entitled to updates on their life anymore. And you’re going to look EXTREMELY bad when I’m a five star celebrity and you have to explain to everyone that you lied to them.

Ophelia: You got the last word when I was a teenager, but I’m an adult now, and you know what? I’m happy. I have the life I’ve always wanted… and it’s becoming more and more clear every day a good life for me will never include you two. Have the lives you deserve.

They return to the rental shortly after. Ophelia didn't really say much to Xander. She just wanted to get back to Gemma.

Ophelia: There's my little girl. Come here. Mommy could really use a cuddle.

Her heart is heavy right now, but Gemma knows just how to make her feel better.

Ophelia: I'll love and support you no matter what, okay? You could grow up to be a damn rodeo clown for all I care. No matter what, I'm always in your corner.

Ophelia doesn't even understand how her parents could be the way they are. She only wants her daughter to be happy.

Ophelia: I'm not going to let them ruin our fun. We're going to have a good day tomorrow, aren't we? Do you want to go to the splash pad?

Gemma: A buh!

Ophelia: That's definitely a yes!

It's time for dinner. They eat a pizza while watching TV in the living room of the rental when Xander breaks the silence.

Xander: I hope you got what you needed today.

Ophelia contemplates this and smiles.

Ophelia: I think I did.

Ophelia: Seeing my parents so old and bitter… They might not have begged for forgiveness as I would have liked, but they reminded me who I don't want to become. Thank you for being here for me.

Xander: Of course, Lemon Cake. This trip can only go up from here!

Gemma's just been flopping around on the ground during this heartwarming conversation, love that for her