#we missed you toos! (mostly me)
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mori bro now's your chance. his other ex-husband died man he has no one else to go to you should shoot your shot again come on bro
#SORRY#i miss fukumori. don't get me wrong i loved the old man yaoi divorce and old man yaoi widowing we had here#but maybe fukuzawa needs his other evil man back in his life. they're about to enter another custody battle too right?#let's go mori you can goad him into hate sex before it gets bad. i believe in you bro#bungou stray dogs#< half tagging to inflict this on more ppl but mostly tagging to keep us in the trending for longer uwu
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Finally finishing totk
#Totk#Art#Comic#Link#This one gets main blog privileges lololol#Context: I had beat 1 dungeon and promised my buddy not to progress without them. I was just filling out the map and these guys appeared#Totk spoilers in the tags#Okay so here's my totk story because it hurts everyone I tell including myself#First time I played totk I got really fed up with the tutorial. It would just never end.#I got so fed up with it in fact... I never did the story. At all!#My buddy wanted to watch me do the story but we kept missing each other#So I ended up avoiding anything even tangentially related to plot#I never met any characters. Never even knew there were bosses and dungeons. Never entered the castle#And one time my buddy told me there was the awesome boss in the depths I could fight-- a king dragon. Woaaahhh#I made my way over there and was so ready for this epic battle and ended up killing it in 5 seconds. I was too powerful 😂#Keep in mind I did NO DUNGEONS and had grinded up the dynamic difficulty entirely through common enemies to the point of silver lynels#So yeah I stopped playing because I realized I was way too overpowered to start the story#So I started all over again. Finally doing totk the Intended Way™#Uhh... Doing one single dungeon raised the difficulty to the point of black hoglins appearing?? What???#I'm basically rushing every dungeon (I just finished the second one) without preparing at all or doing any shrines#(I killed colgera while dying from cold damage at 4 hearts because I ran out of cold res LMFAO)#So this is really testing my Zelda skillz. It's very fun.#Also. During the first dungeon. I was so obsessed with the kid I almost looked up how I could keep him as my companion#My buddy was so excited for me to find out what the reward was for beating the dungeon 😂😂😂#What else funny... Oh yeah my old save was so jank I never actually got any more than 5 hearts.#Yes I had to defeat lynels mostly hitless since they can kill you despite the mercy quarter heart#I also went to do the first dungeon on the first save and accidentally entered the ship without the child. It TRAPS YOU INSIDE.#It doesn't even give you a warp it just says “die or warp out”. Except I didn't get the shrine halfway up. So I decided to hoverbike out 😓#Oh yeah and it turns out you can ABSOLUTELY get the master sword so so easily.#She flies right past the water dungeon and phases out of existence near immediately it's very funny.
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nicktoonsunite's tigerghost haunting my brain
#IF I PUT IT INTO THE WORLD IT WILL STOP HAUNTING ME#thats a straightup lie bro i have a half finished fic in my gdocs#anyways thank you so much tumblr user NTU i missed my fave childhood shows n completely forgot about el tigre.. we are all tigreheads here#tigerghost#im not gonna put it in the fr tags. NOT my afternoon lecture sketches#AND THE GRUMPY ONE FELL IN LOVE WITH THE SUNSHINE ONE... AUGHH#i think theyve got such interesting parallels. especially re: living inbetween two extremes#ghost and human. hero and villain. a bit of a bisexual slay on both counts#plus Secret hero identity vs Public antihero alterego. interesting dynamics#also the Riveras >>>>> the Fentons.. let this nice mostly supportive loving family get a traumatized half ghost son in law#(and Jazz shes aight she can come too)#timmy you truly cannot raise an eyebrow you little punk you are happy domestic partners with a boygenius
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Crimson and Clover
10x14
Hand-cut, mixed media collage
2024
#collage#dark art#collage art#paper collage#artists on tumblr#illustration#paper art#gothic art#dark aesthetic#surrealism#pop surreal art#pop surrealism#This is a message in a bottle for a girl who broke my heart in the city of angels#i waited for you#isn’t that silly?#I don’t know what’s worse: that you came and didn’t say hi or that you didn’t come at all because I’m a delusional mess.#Both scenarios are heartbreaking even if one was unintentional.#So I removed myself — a little bit for your sake but mostly for my own.#But there’s this nagging feeling that won’t go away.#A whisper of maybe maybe maybe.#You haunt me and I can’t help but wonder if I haunt you too.#If I do haunt you can we throw away the Ouija board?#Can we send the medium home?#I hear email is punk AF#All the cool ghosts say it’s the next big haunt.#anyways#I miss you
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Mello and Misa on a one mofu open sleigh, the bimbo sleigh if you will
#yaaalllll the exhibit was so dope i left feeling like i was walking on a cloud and missed the train to yoLohama#no but really. so so cool#you could literally see the pen/brush/marker strokes! it was so much fun to spot all the little corrections! i think they changed misa's#side profile a little?? and for mello it was mostly just his lips#near had his whole existence remixed basically wbk but i personally didn't know the extent of it like they didn't even leave his hair alone#on those drawings there was more correction fluid than ink or marker#light looked sliiiightly different at the beginning (or is it just me?) and not in the schoolboy to kira way#it was something subtle about his features. L was the best drawn character like. for a mf whos supposed to be unattractive those lines +#shadows were consistently sublime#but then again all the art was. there was this one panel in which light looked like he might've had braces but I'm sure it was just an#optical illusion bc once again of the corrections#overall so much fun idk what i was so scared of the other fans there were just as excited and some even shy and nervous as me#we couldn't find the right elevator lmaooo#most of the girlies there were slaying like. *Slaying* im so glad i dressed up a tad!#only 'downside' is i feel like some merch items were missing like im not sure but. there wasn't that much. besides the plushies i only got a#misa sticker and the m2 & remisa acrylic glass panels thingies#at the ticket counter they had a map for international fans to put a dot on their country which was kinda cute♡#there werent many dots around the world maybe just like 20?is that even possible? but the southern Mediterranean gang has a dot too now hehe#oh and i got a free Light card..... like. i don't wanna see it💀💀💀#death note#death note shitpost#misa amane#mihael keehl#mello death note#dn#now that i look at them again they're kinda giving hunger games tributes on the chariot hfsgjzgk
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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow#vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and#i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie#like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking#careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on#for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little#anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it 🫶 or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed#it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do#not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent#there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m#a post#do not watch this show#I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu#it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most#special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows#OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical#abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various#vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are#we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks
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i'm gonna share a bit of wisdom with you, because this is how i approach writing both my hyper intelligent characters who also happen to be idiots:
you can be super competent in what you do, and still walk into a light pole.
#( ooc )#( tbd )#// thinking about this again today#// mostly because missing the whimsy in emmrich is a mistake#// if he's too serious he stops being who he is#// but seriously#// no one is immune to tripping over their own feet#// and i can't be serious to save my life like...ever#// and if you're not occasionally taking the piss out of your characters#// for being disasters#// are you even living?#// i got one cosplaying a fucking lich the first time you meet him#// who forgets he's got his lich mask on#// and one who has to have the cheez-its hidden from him#// because he'll eat them all#// does that make them any less top of their fields no#// but they are stupid#// and that's where we live#// eta: it ties into i think me hating pissing matches#// and writing characters who know they don't know everything#// and will seek out the people that know what they don't#// instead of being dicks about it ig
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something i've been missing in s12 (and somewhat s11) is those introspective solo moments when a character is alone and finally gets to process or express what they're feeling. dean's prayer scene in 08x16 comes to mind. or even a scene like the s10 confessional where they get to tell someone how they're feeling, even if it's a stranger. i know the emotion is there i just feel like i have to dig for it, and it's easy to lose track of just how much has happened with no time or space to deal.
#this is mostly about dean but i would happily take it for sam or cas or mary too#i think dean tends to benefit most from these moments and that's why he has more of them#like imagine if after seeing claire call jody he left a voicemail for mary that just said i miss you and i hope you're okay#and we got to see him sadly stare at the phone or the picture of the two of them#or maybe slide off his seat to sit on the floor with his knees drawn up#something to remind us how much he's going through#because it's so much and yet there's so much happening that it's easy to forget how deep these wounds are#dean hasn't had a break since season 8. he hasn't had a second to process anything that's happened since he took the mark#3 seasons ago!#and i think he should get a chance to work through some of it. on-screen.#it's not that the show is bad without it. it just feels a little hollow to me.#here look at the plot. don't worry what's underneath. yknow?#spn
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Well.
#(I'm back)#It was. Uhm. A chapter#First of all: I'm ENDLESSLY GRATEFUL to the person who sent me the translation basically as soon as the chapter came out.#I even did like 90% of typesetting but didn't finish it because I had to go out#(aka with my friends were literally knocking out at my room and I couldn't make it any more late lol)#Mixed feelings about it? Mostly because there's so much exposition... I'll need to reread it another three times before it sinks in#The color page is AMAZING 10000000000000/10 I love my sskks so much they're so cute I love them so much they're so cute.#Easily the best part of the chapter.#The color page was? Very very pretty too? Like a lot more than usual if you ask me! I can't wait for the volume cover 🥺🥺#It should come out soon shouldn't it? Usually color spreads / pages open the volume...#Akutagawa fake dying again is funny. Like it isssss but also. Idk it's a little lame how we're changing the pov from ss/kk again :/#I can't even tell if I'm being biased or if it's an actual storytelling critique. I don't care right now I just want to see Akutagawa–#being cool rather than. You know. Dead on the ground.#That said! It's also very funny and touches my sense of humor precisely.#Like yeah Akutagawa being like the second strongest pm member and overall one of the most powerful ability user in the world–#that everyone fears (and I know he is! He is indeed for real!)#And yet he always ends up face to the ground 😂😂😂 Like if we don't count the ss/kk fights he literally only ever won against Hawthorne.#And even then he failed to kill him and Mitchell. It's so funny to me. I love him. He's so pathetic#“Wow! Akutagawa is so cool and invincible now!” *ends up biting the dust not even two chapters later*#It's okay because I love him. He's very very powerful and he's also very very pathetic I love that for him#That said :/ I don't really care about Fukuzawa :/ Idk :/ Like :/#Don't get me wrong I LOVE Fukuzawa (I don't. I'm mostly neutral towards him) but this is the ss/kk moment man :/ Whatchu doin#That's about it. Let's see what the next chapter brings!#Everything accounted for I'm glad there wasn't like. A ss/kk kiss or any other big big ss/kk moment#(although Atsushi admiring Akutagawa and thinking about his eyes has its fair share of neatness to it!!)#Because with everything going on this evening I really would have been let down to miss it#But I keep hope for the next chapters!! Please...#random rambles#Had tons of fun typesetting! Even though I don't think there's a point in posting it now. But would love to do it again in the future!#bsd spoilers
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i miss stupid rafaela
#why is exam season always missing the worst people alive who probably havent thought of me in months hours#and i have been banned from texting her but i want to scream so i will do what she'd caricature of me and be immature#and scream about it here#you were supposed to be my sister i genuinely loved you like one what is wrong with you why do i still love you deep down#whatever.#btw i've known about your new blog since basically the day after you made it. im just choosing to try to have some self respect for once in#my life and not contact you because you dont want me to#i guess a part of me will always love you. because i take sisterhood seriously and cant just unlearn that i saw you that way#even if ive mostly moved on#the relapses still fucking suck#but yeah. that part will always hope we can reconnect some day. i know its pathetic but i guess that's me#when i tell someone i will always love them i mean it with my whole heart. ik if you asked id forgive you in a heartbeat#but i also kind of hate you now. and i dont think about you most days. but every so often the universe will remind me of how deeply i loved#you and that sucks#you're pretty much the grudge by olivia rodrigo to me#not the first person i associate with that song but it does describe how i feel about you a little too well#rafaela 🎶#blatantposting
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I mean. I guess the good news is that I am now 100% sure I'm not in love with Her™ even a little bit at all anymore, but like. At what cost.
#I think mostly I just. I miss my friend. she and I were friends. I LOVED being friends (until it became untenable obviously)#and I wish so SO much that we could have held onto that.#and I guess I could try again now but it's been so long. I doubt she even has an interest in that anymore. we've been completely no-contact#for enough time that I don't...think it's actually possible to build that back up. and I'm not sure that I won't get cagey and Weird™#about it because. you know. the memory of hurt is still there even if I can't bring myself to be mad at her anymore. even if genuinely#in a platonic way I just miss her.#though apparently she did keep the shirt I gave her and thinks about me every time she wears it. I know this because she told me#herself when I caved and messaged her a few weeks back.#there was a time where...I COULD have talked to her about everything that's going on. where I know she would have listened and#taken me seriously and offered advice even if she didn't understand. because she always made an EFFORT to understand.#and she wouldn't have judged me for handling things so badly or like...feeling them in the first place? for all the shit that happened she#never thought I was An Inconvenience™ or too Messy™ to bother with.#she always took me seriously in a way that few people ever have. she was so...patient. and thoughtful. and it was never a burden for#her to be those things. I'm a difficult person I think. but it didn't seem like that when I was her friend. and GOD do I mourn that.#anyway. enough waxing poetic on my fucking birthday lmao.#today is for playing Farming Game and talking to friends#In the Vents
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kicking my feet and giggling thinking about vector spaces
#ok mostly this was yesterday. i meant to post this yesterday and forgot#and it was a more specific thing than JUST vector spaces#but im always afraid if i post too much about [specific math specialty] on here i'll accidentally doxx myself lol#i mean PROBABLY not. but you never know#i got nerd sniped the other day#my friend sent me a minecraft video where some streamers were doing math#and idk if she knew or not but it was specifically math thats right in my wheelhouse#which apparently ive missed!#it doesnt come up much in entry level stuff for [field im trying to get a job in]#ended up getting one of my old textbooks out to read about something we didnt cover in my uni classes :)#math#numbers do not lie
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i feel like there must be a gold mine of yo-kai watch stuff that my moms bought and then never actually gave to me.
i have this now-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#it's just a novelization of the first anime episode meant for. level 2 readers i guess. whatever that means-#my yo-kai watch collection is growing without me even doing anything i haven't bought anything but the games#okay that's a lie i did buy my jibanyan and rudy plushies. but other than that-#i have the jibanyan baddinyan n robonyan medal moments figures courtesy of my moms buying them years ago#when dollar tree sold yo-kai watch stuff (i miss those days)#that one jibanyan feature you can pose and change the expression of with stickers also courtesy of dollar tree#a bunch of medals courtesy of blind bags i got for my birthday and also a yo-kai watch that i got at the same time#i have a komasan figure that's like the jibanyan one somewhere. and a jibanyan figure you can switch to baddinyan. also from dollar tree#oh i have a komajiro medal moments figure from one of my elementary school friends who liked yo-kai watch. okay we weren't really friends#we were kinda friends. we mostly just bonded over liking yo-kai watch and never talked beyond that-#god i miss those days 😔#oh right i also bought the manga volumes i have myself. still need the others. should probably put them on my wishlist#anyways. yea i didn't buy 90% of my yo-kai watch merchandise-#also those medal blind bags basically just got me a bunch of snotsolong. i got like five. i got a lot of other stuff too#but i have so many snotsolongs. five different snotsolong wanted to be my friend i guess-#i have no use for the yo-kai watch tbh. it's way too loud 😔#cool to have tho
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idk if anyone is following specific projects ive talked about/mentioned but. i just want to say i know this year (especially the last couple months) has been chaotic and scattered and ive kept starting things and then they just. disappear from existence. i wanna semi apologise for that & tell you that i will be trying to do a lot less of that from this point- i wont always succeed, in very whim prone ':) but. i will be trying to keep a stable focus. i think i have plans to help with that.
i hate to treat my craft as content, but i hope whatever you signed up for will be better next year. i love talking about what i do & figuring out problems with you guys, and im looking forward to more of it in the future.
#this is mostly for the regulars on here <3 thank u for ur patience my dear friends#this year has been a lot. and ive been trying to control my emotions & understand them and i havent always succeeded#and there was definitely a point in here where i got out of control in letting my brain do whatever it felt like at that exact second#which felt good at the time but led to a lot of shiny sparkling ideas and no actual progress#sorry this is probably too personal but i know some of you dont follow my main & therefore miss out on my more personal posting#im not sure that i have some kind of mood swing disorder. but treating myself like i most likely do has been working out well for me#so thats the path im taking until it stops being productive#theres still a lot to figure out about the best way to live but. i feel in control and im also taking control instead of going with the flow#so we will see
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having the realisation that like 50% of my memories of feeling safe and comfortable as a kid for any amount of time are basically down to 3 teachers
thank you Mrs Armstrong for being literally the archetypical Good Primary School Teacher who recognised the scale of children's emotional distress
thank you Ms Uzzell for philosophy club and for making your RE classroom a consistently safe and welcoming space for Weird Autistic Children to spend 45 minutes a day discussing ontology and the existence of the soul instead of going outside for lunch. bc that may literally have got me through school for a couple of years.
and thank you Miss Thompson (who I don't think I realised at the time had done so much good for me). she didn't just lend me her own art supplies and encourage my artistic development, she protected the spare art room as a space for Fucked Up Goth Kids to be left alone, pretended not to notice that we were in there way more often than we had free periods, worked with the fact that we inevitably got loud and disruptive when she was trying to teach next door, and she really fought for that to be somewhere safe. and now if I think about when I felt safe and comfortable to be myself I go back into the art room with a couple of my best friends and BBC 2 on the radio and somewhere genuinely safe enough to talk about the shit that we were trying to manage without having to play tough or whatever.
idk I didn't have a super Tragic Upbringing and I wasn't an obviously deprived or troubled child but nonetheless those teachers seeing me and making space was like an oasis sometimes and I think that's amazing, right? sometimes I wanna tell them but mostly I'm just glad I know they did a good job. like my emotional wellbeing mattered to them and even if I forget their names and faces I will not forget the impact it had.
#red said#you know and to be clear the art room thing wasn't Just For Me it was a Thing. but also.#i do think that Miss Thompson was in the habit of identifying and inviting people who needed that space#cause there were like 5-10 kids in each year group who shared an amount of ownership for the space#it was a sixth form room mostly but i think i was in there in year 10 and 11 while skiving off PE#idk it hit me this morning like. it's not my only memory of feeling calm at that time in my life#but honestly it's most of them. shit was not going amazing. school was very stressy and home was very lonely.#and my friends and i spent most of our time and energy trying to hold each other together and stop each other dying#and that was sometimes the vibe in the art room too but usually it was like. chill. we drew wall badgers and ragged on contemporary art#emotional safety for me at 16 i think was me Sian and Sam or Kim and Rose with a bag of doughnuts and some paint#it's that and it's philosophy club and it's playing video games with Phil and Rose#and those are the like. warm safe places to go in my memories from that time.#being 16 fucking sucks by the way. nobody should have to do that everything happens SO MUCH.
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lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters
#*emerges from 430 HOURS of life-changing playtime blearily like a lost and confused kitten*#i lost my interest in drawing bc everything is too sad & horrible right now. it was a luxury and privilege to lose myself in this instead#what follows will be my personal and trivial emotions about that#i'll do better proper drawings later. for me. they are both so very dear to me... deeply dear...unforgettable journeys of fate#truly have played like one possessed for the past few weeks. you have no idea. what do i do now. what do i do.#their personalities are so vivid to me though they mostly made the same choices. both intersex and they/them - canonically <3#i missed out on FOUR PARTY MEMBERS in my first playthrough due to not understanding anything whatsoever.#gloaming ended up with wyll and pavane romanced karlach and astarion. and ended up with the one i did NOT plan on. this wasnt the plan#one of the most fulfilling romance paths i've ever..i cant say more..it all got too immersive and now i have to just.. MOVE ON ??????????#live in THIS world where i can't gut imperialism personally and emerge alive from that?#without Long Resting? without my character requesting a kiss from their beloved after a tough day ??#without preparing my little spells? without channelling divinity from my death god to keep us all alive?#without dyeing my man's clothes fancy colours for him? without him Approving whenever i lie and double-cross our enemies#without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity?#without orchestrating ways for all of my friends to kill the abusers that ruined their lives for a decade or even 200 years?#without experiencing degrading horrors on a daily basis but in a cathartic way where we always make it back to our rooms at the inn#WITHOUT SPEAK WITH ANIMALS???????????#at least there's music. just like with persona 5 that will always be with me. always#like how p5 melodies take me back to those feelings. those rich and personal feelings.... BUT THIS WAS A WAY MORE NUTS EXPERIENCE#i thought i would hate it. i did at times. thought it would desensitise me to various things. it did. but there was so much more..it was...#Well anyway *continues my life* imagine if dnd was real..something to think about
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