#we missed you toos! (mostly me)
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mori bro now's your chance. his other ex-husband died man he has no one else to go to you should shoot your shot again come on bro
#SORRY#i miss fukumori. don't get me wrong i loved the old man yaoi divorce and old man yaoi widowing we had here#but maybe fukuzawa needs his other evil man back in his life. they're about to enter another custody battle too right?#let's go mori you can goad him into hate sex before it gets bad. i believe in you bro#bungou stray dogs#< half tagging to inflict this on more ppl but mostly tagging to keep us in the trending for longer uwu
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nicktoonsunite's tigerghost haunting my brain
#IF I PUT IT INTO THE WORLD IT WILL STOP HAUNTING ME#thats a straightup lie bro i have a half finished fic in my gdocs#anyways thank you so much tumblr user NTU i missed my fave childhood shows n completely forgot about el tigre.. we are all tigreheads here#tigerghost#im not gonna put it in the fr tags. NOT my afternoon lecture sketches#AND THE GRUMPY ONE FELL IN LOVE WITH THE SUNSHINE ONE... AUGHH#i think theyve got such interesting parallels. especially re: living inbetween two extremes#ghost and human. hero and villain. a bit of a bisexual slay on both counts#plus Secret hero identity vs Public antihero alterego. interesting dynamics#also the Riveras >>>>> the Fentons.. let this nice mostly supportive loving family get a traumatized half ghost son in law#(and Jazz shes aight she can come too)#timmy you truly cannot raise an eyebrow you little punk you are happy domestic partners with a boygenius
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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow#vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and#i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie#like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking#careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on#for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little#anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it 🫶 or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed#it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do#not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent#there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m#a post#do not watch this show#I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu#it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most#special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows#OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical#abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various#vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are#we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks
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Well.
#(I'm back)#It was. Uhm. A chapter#First of all: I'm ENDLESSLY GRATEFUL to the person who sent me the translation basically as soon as the chapter came out.#I even did like 90% of typesetting but didn't finish it because I had to go out#(aka with my friends were literally knocking out at my room and I couldn't make it any more late lol)#Mixed feelings about it? Mostly because there's so much exposition... I'll need to reread it another three times before it sinks in#The color page is AMAZING 10000000000000/10 I love my sskks so much they're so cute I love them so much they're so cute.#Easily the best part of the chapter.#The color page was? Very very pretty too? Like a lot more than usual if you ask me! I can't wait for the volume cover 🥺🥺#It should come out soon shouldn't it? Usually color spreads / pages open the volume...#Akutagawa fake dying again is funny. Like it isssss but also. Idk it's a little lame how we're changing the pov from ss/kk again :/#I can't even tell if I'm being biased or if it's an actual storytelling critique. I don't care right now I just want to see Akutagawa–#being cool rather than. You know. Dead on the ground.#That said! It's also very funny and touches my sense of humor precisely.#Like yeah Akutagawa being like the second strongest pm member and overall one of the most powerful ability user in the world–#that everyone fears (and I know he is! He is indeed for real!)#And yet he always ends up face to the ground 😂😂😂 Like if we don't count the ss/kk fights he literally only ever won against Hawthorne.#And even then he failed to kill him and Mitchell. It's so funny to me. I love him. He's so pathetic#“Wow! Akutagawa is so cool and invincible now!” *ends up biting the dust not even two chapters later*#It's okay because I love him. He's very very powerful and he's also very very pathetic I love that for him#That said :/ I don't really care about Fukuzawa :/ Idk :/ Like :/#Don't get me wrong I LOVE Fukuzawa (I don't. I'm mostly neutral towards him) but this is the ss/kk moment man :/ Whatchu doin#That's about it. Let's see what the next chapter brings!#Everything accounted for I'm glad there wasn't like. A ss/kk kiss or any other big big ss/kk moment#(although Atsushi admiring Akutagawa and thinking about his eyes has its fair share of neatness to it!!)#Because with everything going on this evening I really would have been let down to miss it#But I keep hope for the next chapters!! Please...#random rambles#Had tons of fun typesetting! Even though I don't think there's a point in posting it now. But would love to do it again in the future!#bsd spoilers
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something i've been missing in s12 (and somewhat s11) is those introspective solo moments when a character is alone and finally gets to process or express what they're feeling. dean's prayer scene in 08x16 comes to mind. or even a scene like the s10 confessional where they get to tell someone how they're feeling, even if it's a stranger. i know the emotion is there i just feel like i have to dig for it, and it's easy to lose track of just how much has happened with no time or space to deal.
#this is mostly about dean but i would happily take it for sam or cas or mary too#i think dean tends to benefit most from these moments and that's why he has more of them#like imagine if after seeing claire call jody he left a voicemail for mary that just said i miss you and i hope you're okay#and we got to see him sadly stare at the phone or the picture of the two of them#or maybe slide off his seat to sit on the floor with his knees drawn up#something to remind us how much he's going through#because it's so much and yet there's so much happening that it's easy to forget how deep these wounds are#dean hasn't had a break since season 8. he hasn't had a second to process anything that's happened since he took the mark#3 seasons ago!#and i think he should get a chance to work through some of it. on-screen.#it's not that the show is bad without it. it just feels a little hollow to me.#here look at the plot. don't worry what's underneath. yknow?#spn
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don't you love when you're like, okay now I'm going to leave this sorrow in the old year so I don't turn into a crotchety bitter person over it, and then you walk on feeling all refreshed and bright no longer carrying it on your shoulders, but then the sorrow wanders after you like a child who was lost in the supermarket weeping its eyes out and it says to you where did you GO I was lost! I was lost and I missed you!!! and you can only sigh and take it by its hand and say to it very well. here's your seat. I'm sorry I left you behind, I promise it was with the best of intentions, but I want to do my best by you, so let's sit together and try to figure out what you're saying to me.
#thinking out loud#i'm truly like. ok i'm mostly fine i'm a little bit going through it because it's harshest month of winter and it's always weird this month#but i just think it's so funny that i have to be like OH you don't suddenly stop....hurting over something because you decided to!#if you were missing someone who was important to you two months ago by golly you probably still will two months from then!!#weird how that be! anyway#it's funny to me because it's like the opposite of object impermanence#i used to think i was all heart no head and that there's a part of me that went hard in the opposite direction to counteract that#but i am still as much as heart as i ever was except now i have my logical side going yip yip girl we gotta go!!! let's go!!!#and the heart is like holding up a shakey hand going oh lads you go on without me...i just need to catch my breath for like....15 years#anyway anyway. the narrative is indeed kind but that doesn't mean that it doesn't sting sometimes#but! we can do the best that we can and take our troubles by their hands and learn what we can from them and it will all be okay in the end#(i hope this post isn't too complainy or miserable. i may take it down later but i feel the need to say it somewhere.)#regardless of that. happy Friday my friends I love you all dearly bless you for being near me <3 <3
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kicking my feet and giggling thinking about vector spaces
#ok mostly this was yesterday. i meant to post this yesterday and forgot#and it was a more specific thing than JUST vector spaces#but im always afraid if i post too much about [specific math specialty] on here i'll accidentally doxx myself lol#i mean PROBABLY not. but you never know#i got nerd sniped the other day#my friend sent me a minecraft video where some streamers were doing math#and idk if she knew or not but it was specifically math thats right in my wheelhouse#which apparently ive missed!#it doesnt come up much in entry level stuff for [field im trying to get a job in]#ended up getting one of my old textbooks out to read about something we didnt cover in my uni classes :)#math#numbers do not lie
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i feel like there must be a gold mine of yo-kai watch stuff that my moms bought and then never actually gave to me.
i have this now-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#it's just a novelization of the first anime episode meant for. level 2 readers i guess. whatever that means-#my yo-kai watch collection is growing without me even doing anything i haven't bought anything but the games#okay that's a lie i did buy my jibanyan and rudy plushies. but other than that-#i have the jibanyan baddinyan n robonyan medal moments figures courtesy of my moms buying them years ago#when dollar tree sold yo-kai watch stuff (i miss those days)#that one jibanyan feature you can pose and change the expression of with stickers also courtesy of dollar tree#a bunch of medals courtesy of blind bags i got for my birthday and also a yo-kai watch that i got at the same time#i have a komasan figure that's like the jibanyan one somewhere. and a jibanyan figure you can switch to baddinyan. also from dollar tree#oh i have a komajiro medal moments figure from one of my elementary school friends who liked yo-kai watch. okay we weren't really friends#we were kinda friends. we mostly just bonded over liking yo-kai watch and never talked beyond that-#god i miss those days 😔#oh right i also bought the manga volumes i have myself. still need the others. should probably put them on my wishlist#anyways. yea i didn't buy 90% of my yo-kai watch merchandise-#also those medal blind bags basically just got me a bunch of snotsolong. i got like five. i got a lot of other stuff too#but i have so many snotsolongs. five different snotsolong wanted to be my friend i guess-#i have no use for the yo-kai watch tbh. it's way too loud 😔#cool to have tho
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lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters
#*emerges from 430 HOURS of life-changing playtime blearily like a lost and confused kitten*#i lost my interest in drawing bc everything is too sad & horrible right now. it was a luxury and privilege to lose myself in this instead#what follows will be my personal and trivial emotions about that#i'll do better proper drawings later. for me. they are both so very dear to me... deeply dear...unforgettable journeys of fate#truly have played like one possessed for the past few weeks. you have no idea. what do i do now. what do i do.#their personalities are so vivid to me though they mostly made the same choices. both intersex and they/them - canonically <3#i missed out on FOUR PARTY MEMBERS in my first playthrough due to not understanding anything whatsoever.#gloaming ended up with wyll and pavane romanced karlach and astarion. and ended up with the one i did NOT plan on. this wasnt the plan#one of the most fulfilling romance paths i've ever..i cant say more..it all got too immersive and now i have to just.. MOVE ON ??????????#live in THIS world where i can't gut imperialism personally and emerge alive from that?#without Long Resting? without my character requesting a kiss from their beloved after a tough day ??#without preparing my little spells? without channelling divinity from my death god to keep us all alive?#without dyeing my man's clothes fancy colours for him? without him Approving whenever i lie and double-cross our enemies#without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity?#without orchestrating ways for all of my friends to kill the abusers that ruined their lives for a decade or even 200 years?#without experiencing degrading horrors on a daily basis but in a cathartic way where we always make it back to our rooms at the inn#WITHOUT SPEAK WITH ANIMALS???????????#at least there's music. just like with persona 5 that will always be with me. always#like how p5 melodies take me back to those feelings. those rich and personal feelings.... BUT THIS WAS A WAY MORE NUTS EXPERIENCE#i thought i would hate it. i did at times. thought it would desensitise me to various things. it did. but there was so much more..it was...#Well anyway *continues my life* imagine if dnd was real..something to think about
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english used to be the normie filter & how you could tell someone was a Trve Internethead but after the DAMNED 2020 quarantine for obvious reasons EveryBody & They Momma is acceptably fluent so now i have to learn swedish or something. -_-
#already been spending time this past year & a half i only need someone to actually speak it with IRL for maximum efficiency#technically i want to say 2019 people were already turning to english at least in my city. 7 year old me would be so happy but#ARRRRRRGHHHHHHH#YOU ARE POSERS I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH YOU & I NEVER WILL. has me feeling so ♯DECEIVED#native english speakers will probably never understand this feel#speaking english now is just as cringe as i thought being francophone was a decade ago Yes even as a child i was against normies#i was forcibly taught.by my millennial older brother i had no choice but to abide by that line of thought & so here i am today#well he was right. not anymore he ain't but he used to be#but technically you can say this new wave of self taught anglophones are going against the current & remnants of colonialism so well#it is a good thing objectively i just miss the ease of recognizing Real back in the day TT_TT like you just KNEW they shared your interests#& weirdness they knew your references it said something about what their social status likely was too ETC ETC. But not anymore...#i enjoyed it tho i had a bestfriend whom i mostly spoke english with & we were known for it we were outcasts#i distinctly remember this fag who got so mad at us & harassed us for it during middle school recess. like fluency was a bad thing#we were not even gossiping about him Altho we should have been. & that was the best part is that it was a barrier#so you could talk about anything out loud & nobody would be able to understand you & at the time it was just us & our older siblings#+their friends
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guys i genuinely don't know what to do. my quirky little destiel fic which was already far too long to begin with now has a second smaller fic nested inside of it and somehow the second smaller fic is the absolute crackfest of this supernatural/tazamnesty crossover where dean lowkey hooks up with barclay the bigfoot and i don't KNOW what to DO. do i cut the scene. do i post it separately. do i post it separately but ALSO leave it in the fic. do i just pretend like barclay is an OC i made up and all the references to the fictional town of kepler west virginia are incidental. WHAT IS THE MOVE HERE
#stuff#THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT THIS IS NOT WHAT I PLANNED#i think that i have no choice but to post the dean/barclay section separately as its own thing#because i don't want to tag the destiel fic as a whole as being a taz crossover when it's relaly just the one scene#but i don't want the very small niche audience of spn/tazamnesty crossover enjoyers to miss out on this goofy little thing#mostly for categorization purposes. they need to be separate#BUT THEN WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THAT SCENE IN THE ORIGINAL FIC#it was supposed to be like a 'oh dean's a repressed bisexual how can we unrepress him I Know let's give him a hot stranger man'#'and see what he does'#but then i had too mjuch fun and the hot stranger became bigfoot and i can't go back but i dont want to have to write this shit AGAIN#i get very bored writing sexuality crisis/internal sexuality realization scenes#like ughhhh just be cool with it who cares#this one was only fun because it was dean and BARCLAY TAZAMNESTY#and i cant do that shit again#you know what would be even fucking FUNNIER but would never happen#god. i can't do this. but dean/duck newton would be so funny just sosososo funny#the strong desire to write a legitimate tazamnesty/spn crossover case fic type deal is slowly taking over me#i need to be free#of my MIND PRISON#i'm going to watch jane the virgin. DON'T text.
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no matter what color variations are coming out keep in mind that the halloween event with limited time horses/pets/clothes & tack is coming
#this is mostly a reminder for me after seeing that cute selle#i keep forgetting the best event of the year is coming#unless they ruin it like every other fucking event this year#lol#valentines day/easter/midsummer/rainbow festival/birthday event im looking at you guys#wondering if halloween/christmas is next on the chopping block#easter bad because religious event christmas good regardless that it is a religious event too#oh sorry ‘winter village’#you coulda just called it ‘egg hunt’ and we wouldve been all happy#i miss searching for the eggs+ghosts#running around w friends listening if they are near:(#i miss it
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Puuuuud!!! I missed you guys
(Sorry I haven’t interacted much ^_^;)
Oh hey Lumina-BHRYBGRHVRUVNRUVNRHJNVIJRNHBGHFHVGNFV
#serif talks#we missed you toos! (mostly me)#been mostly just taking it easy if I am honest#its been a tough recovery road but were making headway on it.#the feeling to not be able to feel like you can do something that you have ALWAYS done for the near part of most of your life?#It was jarring- nearly brought me down to my knees#I love what I do- It is the very passion that has got me through so much pain. but for a few good weeks- I didn't want to draw#I had no energy for it- I would think constantly and just- the drive wasn't there#the love of it wasn't there#started to spiral into hating my art-style again- but I'm kind a back?? for the most part#I may still not post much- Haven't been completely ready to#but I'm here if you'll have us :]#sorry this got long- Hope your week was at least better than mine!!
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This reminds me of one of my first tumblrs. I started with erotic art, and ended up finding myself. I will be back here soon.
#ok a couple things#not scrolling yet#because I don't wanna get sad#BUT#well for one everything looks like a penis to me right now omggg#I have used my vibe a couple times but mostly I just sit in the feeling#also#I fucking forget how much I LOVE this industry until I get back into it#why do I DO this!?#I just got my boudoir photos back#they are so good#we slapped that shit together and I was a hot mess and they still look fantastic#it's really cool that we used the vintage camera and that they were developed by hand#I've almost gotten to the excited anticipation stage#I've never felt this disconnected#I wonder if my telepathy worked#lol#I am doing all of the things#because I know that's what he would want me to do#and for me too#but fuck I miss that man more than anything#I have really learned to be truly alone#good news is I like myself#so that's cool#bad news is that I need to feel like a hot girl again#that's only bad news because do you know how much work it takes to be a hot girl!?#but it's my favorite thing to do in the world#I have come full circle back to self 🧘🏼♀️💋
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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getting into bob ross again cause of jet set radio. the pipeline is real.
#jetsetradio.live#bob ross#jet set radio live#jet set radio#jet set radio future#jsr#jsrf#jsrl#sega#shoutout the channel 7 on jetsetradio.live tv#shoutout jetsetradio.live tbh#getting me back into listening to music#i havent listened to new music in so long i feel like im losing a part of myself#but with this website its kinda making me remember that theres no rush and i can do it at my own pace#cause really i was holding myself back cause i felt like i had to do all these arbitrary things i dont feel like explaining rn#and with work it felt like i had no time to just sit down and really enjoy it all the way through#but i have so many songs that i want to listen to and its ok to just listen without too much thought#and i can listen to what i want when i want and im still learning more about what that means since i started ''listening to music'' ~8y ago#which is really as far as id say i started trying to seek out music instead of listening to whatever was put on in the car#or when i would flip through the channels of/listen to the cds my parents had bought on the radio/cd player we had#the stations were mostly very scratchy for reasons im not educated enough to know#but when you find that one channel that plays the music cleanly its so magical#miss that thing so much#this is really a trojan horse post#lolz#goombs big day in#secret goomb thot#😱
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