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nerdzzone · 3 years

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Once Bitten - Twice Shy

Summary: Raising a child is hard. Raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars is even harder. And raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars who you’re not actually in a relationship with is even harder still.

One of the challenges of sharing custody is sharing holidays which is something that Whitney Taylor found herself struggling with in the December of 2019. The prospect of spending Christmas without her son was dismaying, but the complications that come with the alternative might be even harder to face.

Chris Evans x OFC

Note: Thank you to everyone who has read, liked or commented on this story! I appreciate the support.

This was the entirety of my original plot, it was just supposed to be a one shot when I started writing it, but it took on a life of it’s own. There’s quite a bit more to come now so I hope no one is too disappointed by the way this ends! I’ve started working on the sequel and have it all mapped out, but I probably won’t post it until it’s mostly finished like I did with this one. So, keep your eyes peeled and please let me know your thoughts!

Part Two

—-

Part Three

26. 12. 19

Waking up, it took a few moments for the memories of the night before to come back to me. When they did, I was filled with relief that I was alone and Chris was no where to be seen. My head throbbed, partially from the alcohol I'd consumed and partially because of the regrets that were filling my mind.

How could we be so stupid? So reckless? How could we risk everything that we'd built for Grayson just for a few moments of relief? How would I be able to push my feelings for Chris aside again after sharing such intimacy with him?

It broke my heart to make the decision to be friends the first time we found ourselves in this situation, how could I be foolish enough to put myself through that again?

I turned my head and groaned into the pillow, a much more distressed, melancholy groan than the ones leaving my lips the night before. I felt like an idiot and I was dreading facing Chris.

After taking another moment to chastise myself for my bad choices, I checked my phone to see the time and was shocked. It was already almost nine thirty and I hadn't heard a peep from the rest of the house. Unfortunately, that meant I didn't have time to mope around in bed, puzzling out what to do.

So, I took just enough time to decide that I needed to make a quick exit before getting up to get myself ready to leave.

When I got to the kitchen, it was surprisingly quiet. None of the men or children were anywhere to be seen as Lisa, Shanna and Carly tidied up the dishes from the breakfast that I'd missed. Apparently, there was another snow storm forecast to start by the early afternoon and everyone had headed out into the snow as soon as they'd finished eating to start shovelling so that we could all leave before it hit.

I was relieved by their quick action because even if I had to shovel the whole driveway by myself and then drive home in a blizzard, I was not sticking around for another night.

Lisa had tried to convince me to let her cook me breakfast, but my stomach was in too many knots to even think about food. I politely declined and settled for a banana and a cup of coffee, chatting with the women as I ate. It distracted me for a while as I tried to shut off some of the noise in my brain, but once I was finished, I knew I had to face the music and head outside.

By the time I got out there, Chris, Scott and their brother-in-law were already halfway down the driveway which was an impressive feat considering how long it was. I waved to them as I put my bag in my car before heading towards where the children were playing in the front yard.

"Mama!" Grayson cheered as I approached them. "Look! We're building a snowman!"

I looked at the sloppy pile of snow they were assembling and smiled.

"Wow, I can see that! Great job, guys!"

He grinned as he ran over to me and threw his arms around my legs. It was a feeling that never got old and I leaned down to squeeze him closer, trying to ignore the wave of guilt that washed over me. He was the most important thing in our situation and we'd lost sight of that.

"Can you help us?"

"Of course," I nodded. "But I need to go talk to your daddy real quick, okay? Then I'll be right back."

"Okay!"

With that, Grayson bolted back over to his cousins to continue their little project. They were so good with him, including him in their games and activities despite his young age and I was happy that he had such good role models to play with. Leaving them under Dodger's watchful eye, I took a deep breath and headed down the driveway to Chris.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," Scott shouted over, the first to notice me coming their way. "Thanks for getting up so early to help us shovel the driveway."

I laughed at his sarcasm and stuck out my tongue, but when he shot me a knowing wink, I felt my cheeks burn. Of course Chris would tell him. I should have expected it, they were as close as brothers could be and Chris was always open with his family.

But it just made me feel worse about the conversation I was about to have as I went over to Chris. Luckily, he was on the opposite side of the driveway to the other two. At least that would give us a modicum of privacy.

"Hey, good morning," he grinned. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did," I returned his smile, though mine was much more forced. "Thanks for letting me sleep in."

"Grayson wanted to wake you up at breakfast," he admitted, looking over at our son as he spoke. "He was worried that you'd be hungry when you woke up and there would be no more food left."

I couldn’t help, but laugh at the thought of his concern.

"He's too sweet, but I appreciate you stopping him," I admitted. "I guess I was tired out after last night."

"Last night," Chris smirked. "Last night was..."

He trailed off as he tried to think of a word to describe it, but my smile disappeared entirely as I could tell from the look on his face that we weren't reflecting on our little incident in the same way. So, I beat him to the punch.

"Last night was a mistake."

My words hung between us for a moment and I knew, from the way that his jaw dropped slightly as if I'd just slapped him across the face, that he wasn't happy with what I'd said.

"Oh, don't give me that crap!" He protested once my words had sunk in, keeping his voice low enough that no one would be able to overhear. "You're saying that it meant nothing to you?"

I really wished we weren't outside with so many watchful eyes around, but this conversation needed to be had and at least this way I'd have an excuse to keep things brief.

"I'm saying that it shouldn't have happened," I clarified, my voice wavering slightly as I questioned my own confidence in my words. "We've worked hard to keep things as stable as possible for Grayson and that's what we need to stay focused on."

"So, you just want to pretend that it never happened?"

My heart felt like it was in a vice. I didn't want to pretend it never happened. I wanted to be with Chris, I wanted us to give it a shot, but I knew that it wouldn't work. I was nothing compared to the women that Chris usually dated and when it all fell apart, Grayson would be the one stuck in the middle. It wasn't fair to him.

But that knowledge didn't make it any less painful when I nodded my head.

"I think that's for the best."

Chris scoffed, looking down at the snow as if he couldn't even stand to look at me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to run away or cry and throw myself into his arms so I settled for simply standing there quietly, waiting for him to say something.

It felt like an eternity, but after a minute or two of total silence, he finally spoke.

"Just let me make sure that I'm getting this right," he started, looking back up at me with such an intensity that it made my eyes swim with tears. “You really have no feelings for me at all? Because if you feel even a little bit like I do then you couldn’t possibly think you’re making any sense right now.”

I swallowed hard, trying to come to terms with the situation that I found myself in. A situation where Chris could be standing in front of me, telling me that he had feelings for me after all these years that we’d been determined to be just friends. It would have felt like a cruel joke if there wasn’t so much hurt in his eyes, so much fear that I was about to reject him. Fear that proved to be entirely justified when I finally got my emotions under control enough to answer him.

"It doesn't matter," I told him softly. "It's not about what I feel or what you feel. We have someone more important to consider."

“That's bullshit!"

I flinched at the harshness of his words and his raised voice as Scott shouted over a reminder about language as the kids weren't very far away. I could feel the tears still filling my eyes, but I knew I had to stick to my guns.

"It's not bullshit," I insisted. "It's the right thing to do."

"But you said yourself, he's starting to notice that things are different," Chris pointed out, his voice thankfully much softer than it had been moments ago . "Why not take the chance to give him a normal family if that's what we both want anyway?"

"Because it will hurt him more if it doesn't work out."

"Hurt him?" Chris questioned, his scowl deepening. "Or hurt you?"

Both of us.

The truth was that I was worried that Chris would hurt me just as much as I worried that our decision would hurt Grayson, but I could handle the risk to myself if it was my choice. I couldn't handle our son being collateral damage.

I could feel Chris' gaze locked intently on me, but I couldn't lift my eyes to meet his. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold onto my argument when the decision I was making wasn't even what I truly wanted. I needed this conversation to end before I let my guard down and made anymore stupid choices.

"We can't talk about this here, Chris."

"Well, when will we talk about it then?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I need to think."

Chris shook his head as a sigh fell from his lips. He looked defeated.

"Alright."

I took that as an end to the conversation and turned to walk away, but I'd only made it a few steps when Chris called out to me again.

"I care about you, Whitney," he told me as I looked back over my shoulder. "This wasn't nothing to me. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to make this work."

That only made me feel worse as I had done it without such noble intentions and with doubt still plaguing my mind. I felt cowardly, but I couldn't bring myself to answer him as I looked away and continued on my way back towards our son.

I stayed outside, playing with the kids in the snow, until the driveway was clear. Once my car was free, I scooped Grayson up and said my goodbyes.

"Be good for your dad, okay?"

"Okay, Mama!" He smiled, pressing a big, sloppy kiss on my cheek. "I love you!"

"I love you too, buddy. I'll see you in a few days."

I put him down and waved as he ran back to follow his cousins who were heading inside.

Turning back to my car, I wasn’t entirely surprised to see Chris leaning against the hood. However, I was surprised to see that the scowl that had been firmly on his face since we talked had eased somewhat and I was even more surprised when he pulled me into a hug as soon as I was close enough.

"Drive safe," he warned me. "The roads still look pretty bad."

"I will," I nodded, easing myself out of his grip. "And I'm sorry, Chris. I really am."

"Don't sweat it." He shrugged, but the dejected look on his face did little to assure me that he accepted my apology. "We'll talk soon though, right?"

I nodded and stepped back, moving to get into my car as Chris moved away from the hood.

He stayed there on the driveway, watching me as I turned the car around and waving as I drove off until he was out of sight.

I felt exhausted and heavy. There were tears brewing in my eyes as I turned onto the road, just as they had been when I drove these streets on Christmas Eve as I was taking Grayson to dad's house and thinking I would be spending the holidays alone. It was amazing to me how I managed to escape the sad, bleak Christmas that I had been anticipating at that point, and yet still somehow managed to come away feeling just as lonely.

And it was amazing to me that I ever let myself think that raising a child with Chris Evans wouldn't be emotionally draining as long as we weren't in a relationship. At this point, it seemed to just make things harder, but I knew that one day both of them would thank me for the sacrifice I was making right now.

I knew that it was the right decision for all three of us and one little slip up, one lapse in judgment and will power, wouldn't derail all the hard work that Chris and I had put in to co-parenting our son.

Or, at least, I hoped with all my heart that it wouldn't.

#chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #chris evans x ofc #once bitten twice shy

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ocean-blue-whump · 3 years

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Leo Finch’s Failure: 2

Part 2/4. Thank you to @shapeshiftersandfire for beta reading! Also, some of the dialogue in this was written by or modified from ideas by @painful-pooch and @circus-of-pain! You’re all wonderful. And again, thanks to the Whump a Woman server for working out some ideas with me.

PREVIOUS // NEXT

Sunny + Star Masterlist

Tagging @ashintheairlikesnow @whumpinggrounds @whumptakesthecake @justplainwhump @whumpfessional @winedark-whump @painful-pooch

CW: facility whump, referenced lady whump, whumping the whumper, humiliation from coworkers, name calling, punishment for poor work performance, light slapping, forced to kneel, jokes about forcing someone to become a pet

***

Bennett, one of the nurses in the clinic, is waiting for Leo at the door. The twenty-five year old African American grimaces at Leo’s wheezing, hunched over body, and leads him to a bed in the employee section.

“I already heard,” he says, grabbing a few things from a cabinet.

Leo lies down on the paper-covered bed, staring up at the ceiling. “So you heard that I’m in deep trouble?” he wheezes out.

“Hey, Leo, we all make mistakes.”

“Not my first one,” Leo mumbles.

Bennett walks back over, putting his supplies down. “Sit up for me. I need to check a few things before I can let you rest.”

Leo swings his legs over the side and sits up, grumbling.

Bennett taps on Leo’s chin. “Open.”

Leo drops his jaw and looks up at the ceiling, too embarrassed by the intimacy of it all.

Bennett briefly shines the light in Leo’s mouth before stepping back and setting the tool aside to be sanitized. “Okay. I don’t see any issues with your throat. Do you have any pain anywhere?”

Leo shakes his head. “J-just the bruising.”

Bennett frowns. “Tilt your head up. Let me see.”

Leo drops his head all the way back. Bennett runs his calloused fingers over the bruises, gentle enough so it won’t hurt. “Okay, you can relax now. Bruising isn’t that bad, I’ll put some cream on your throat that will soothe it, but they should fade in a week. Lie back down for me, sweetie. And then we can get to healing those emotional wounds.”

Leo flops boneless onto the bed. Bennett rubs a cream on his fingers and starts working it into Leo’s neck. “Why’d you do it?” Bennett asks quietly.

Leo makes a soft noise of protest. “Don’t want to talk now. Sorry.”

Bennett finishes rubbing the cream in and stands up. “Yeah, I understand. I’ll come get you when they call you to the Committee, okay? Lights on or off?”

“Off, please,” Leo says.

Darkness envelopes him as Bennett closes the door. He doesn’t know how long he’s there, but it’s long enough that he could have fallen asleep.

His guilt is eating at him. Right now, 501 is probably heavily sedated in the heavy restraints while a plan is developed for disciplinary action. It’s his fault. He provoked her, he knows better than to bait the former Guard Dog.

When Bennett comes back to get him, Leo’s stomach has twisted into complicated knots.

“James is here,” Beckett says. “The Committee’s ready for you.”

“Are they okay? The other handlers?” Leo asks.

“James was only dazed. He has some residual pain in his groin and some bruising on the side of his face and ribs. Dennison has a minor concussion, surface lacerations, a deep wound from being bitten, bruises on his back, and a desperate need for a chiropractor. None of the Guard Dog handlers who sedated 501 were injured.”

Leo stands up and heads out. James is waiting for him at the door to the clinic, a bruise blooming out from his temple. He doesn’t greet Leo, just turns and walks them down the hallway.

The Committee of Handlers for No-Mortality Incidents meets in a room just near the elevator. Before they walk in, James leans over and fixes Leo’s hair. “You tell them the truth. It’s best that way. Dennison was awake enough for this meeting, though, so there will be hell to pay.” He pauses. “Awake is a strong word. To be honest, kid, he just wanted to kick the shit out of you, and then he’s going back to the hospital.”

Leo nods frantically. That’s it, he’s going to be sick, he’s going to throw up all over James’s shoes that the pets have to polish.

James sighs. “And we’ll talk about this later. I’ll be here with you for the meeting, and Greco is also going to talk to the Committee, but you and I will have a private conversation at some point.”

Together, they head into the room.

The Committee is sitting at a long table, all six of them in a row and grouped by designation. The table is elevated slightly so they all look down at Leo. There are two handlers from each designation present, selected by corporate. The Guard Dog Handlers are Handler Robinson, a tall, lean woman with a scar on the side of her face, and Handler Cain, a muscular, quiet Hispanic man. Handler Paisley, a short blond man, and Handler Bright, a lanky brunette, make up the Platonic and Domestic Handlers. For the Romantics, there’s Handler Thomas, a pretty African American woman, and Dennison, who’s holding an ice pack to his head. There’s a bandage around his neck and an IV in his hand, leading to a bag of blood.

Handler Cain gestures to the chair in the center of the room, and in a voice too soft for his frame, he says, “Sit.”

The chair must be shortened or something, because Leo feels like a small child sitting in front of them. James sits in a chair on the back wall, joined by Greco when he slips in a moment later.

“Okay.” Handler Thomas looks around the room. “I call this meeting of the Committee of Handlers for No-Mortality Incidents. Handler-in-Training Finch, since this is your first official disciplinary strike, I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. Since the merchandise, Romantic 728501, was not damaged during her escape, and there were no deaths of any merchandise or handlers, we’re allowed to peer-review you and assign appropriate disciplinary action. You’ll give your account of the events and what went wrong. Your supervising handler will speak on the accuracy of your account and Handler Greco will speak on 501’s condition. Then we’ll make some remarks on it, tell you what to do next time, and assign discipline. Understood?”

Leo nods. His leg is shaking out of control, he’s about to jump out of his chair and run.

There’s a horrible silence in the room before Handler Paisley leans forward. “You gonna start talking, kid? Or do we have to make you?”

There’s a chorus of laughter and Leo is burning up.

“I’ll talk,” Leo says, cringing at how weak his voice sounds. “What happened was that I gave 501 the green stuff, and Handlers Dennison and Hanford put the electrodes on her to do a shock treatment, but she slipped the restraints. She attacked Handler Dennison first, then Handler Hanford. Both did their best to subdue her, but failed. She, um, then she destroyed the shock machine and the remaining vial of the green stuff and started strangling me. Once I was able to, to stand back up, I followed her out and saw that Handler Greco and his team had managed to subdue her.”

“James, is that correct?” Handler Bright asks.

“Yeah,” he says from behind Leo. “But the little bitch didn’t tell you why this happened.”

Little bitch? Leo’s heart drops. He’s in danger here, a sheep surrounded by hungry wolves.

“Go on, dumbass,” Dennison snaps. “Tell everyone what you did.”

Leo’s words are barely audible. “I took her collar and gag off, and I left the restraints loose. But, but I had reasons, I needed to do the injection in her neck, and I was asking her a question, and her wrists and ankles were all chafed and I didn’t want her to be in more pain—” Nothing he’s saying is going to help his cause.

“What question was so important that you had to take off the gag on one of the most dangerous, volatile pieces of merchandise we have in this facility?” Handler Cain asks.

He can’t bring himself to say it.

Dennison slams his hands on the table. “For fuck’s sake!” he yells, then winces.

Handler Thomas watches him carefully. “I can call an alternate,” she says.

“Nah. I wanna flame broil this kid and then I’ll go back to the fucking clinic. What the fuck did ask 501, Leo?”

Leo focuses on a blemish on the floor. “I asked her if she was okay,” he stammers out. “I wanted to see if she was okay.”

The room erupts into chaos, people screaming at Leo but he can’t distinguish the words, before Handler Thomas cracks her baton down on the table, drawing everyone’s attention. “Quiet!” she yells. “Let Handler Greco make his report on 501’s condition and the damages before we do the peer review.”

Greco steps forward, holding a file folder. He throws it on the Committee’s desk. “The machinery and drugs that 501 broke cost ten thousand dollars. In addition, she put two handlers in the clinic with moderate injuries and caused bruising to another. That alone ups the cost because of the medical treatment. Now, as for 501, she’s in solitary, currently heavily sedated and in the restraints we use for Guard Dogs. Muzzle, straight jacket with metal bands woven in and bucked around the arms, high power shock collar, legs restrained with canvas, straps, and metal bands, chained to the floor with only three links of chain. When my team and I were restraining her, the pet was in severe psychological distress, which may in part be due to taking a high dose of the Hypersensitivity Enhancer, but I would say it’s mostly from her situation. Any questions?”

“What punishment is 501 receiving?” Handler Robinson asks.

“Handler Hanford and I will determine that tomorrow. After this meeting, he has been ordered by the clinic to go home to sleep off his injuries. 501 will remain in my care until then.”

“And the bonded?” she asks.

“The bonded is going to his room and will be staying there. He’s been reassured that 501 is alive and being punished. I slipped some mild sedatives into his food. 236 has always been a good boy, though,” James adds.

God, the trainees must be terrified. Or at least they will be tomorrow, when the aftermath sinks in.

“Can we get to the fucking peer review?” Dennison snaps. “My head is killing me.”

Leo grips the sides of the chair for dear life.

“Here at WRU, we don’t like company property destroying company property,” Handler Thomas says. “And we sure don’t like it to seem like a handler-sanctioned event.”

“These things aren’t people.” Handler Cain shifts in his chair. “They’re pets. They’re toys. They need structure. They don’t understand that. And 501 is particularly unstable. Any change in her environment, she reacts with anger. You need to be more strict with the pets. Help them stick to their schedule.”

This isn’t so bad. It’s fair feedback, actually, and Leo’s starting to calm down.

As if on cue, Handlers Robinson, Paisley, and Dennison stand up and crowd around Leo, boxing him in.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Handler Robinson grabs a handful of Leo’s red hair and yanks, snapping the boy’s head back. Leo whimpers, looking up at her with wide eyes. They can’t do this. He’s a handler, he works for them, this is wrong wrong wrong.

“What’s the matter, kid? Daddy didn’t hit you hard enough so you turned out all sweet and stupid?” Handler Paisley slaps Leo across the face, hard enough to sting. “Or did he leave you all alone? Probably deserved it, since you’re this fucking weak.”

Fuck. Leo feels tears building in his eyes.

Dennison glares at Leo. “You fucking bitch. You think we’re so bad and mean to that fucking mutt, but look what she did!” The bite mark is wrapped in gauze, but it’s already bleeding through the bandage. “Come on, Leo. Grow a pair and do your job. Letting these things, especially that mutt, have a break, doesn’t teach jack shit.”

“Eh, I think he’d be a better pet than a handler.” Handler Robinson gives another hard yank on his hair. “If he keeps whining like that, I think we better make him one of Dennison’s trainees.”

No. Leo thrashes around, ignoring the sharp tugs at his hair. He has to get out of here, he has to curl up and hide.

“He fights like a Romantic trainee, too,” Handler Robinson says. “Well, a normal Romantic trainee. 501’s just fucking crazy, so she’s an exception.”

“Our methods work,” Handler Paisley hisses. “Get your head out of your ass and see that. James filled us in on how you break the rules and try to make them like you. All you’re doing is fucking ruining everything!”

Dennison pauses for a minute, carefully appraising Leo before turning to Handler Robinson. “Get him on his knees. He wants to help the pets so bad, then he can join them.”

Handler Robinson grins wickedly and pulls Leo up by his hair, sending a kick to the back of his legs to force him onto his knees.

He wants to curl up and die but he can’t, not with Handler Robinson keeping him on his knees in front of the whole Committee. His left cheek is still red from Handler Paisley slapping him, his handler uniform is rumpled, his throat aches.

A single tear slides down his face. 501 isn’t worth this. They’re right. She’s just a feral animal. She’s just a mutt.

A camera flashes in the room, Leo cringes away, but it’s too late. The picture was taken. The damage was done.

Handlers Dennison and Paisley head up to the table. Handler Robinson rubs Leo’s head. “Think you can stay on your knees?”

Leo’s internal organs are made of shame. He nods, another tear falling.

“Good.” Handler Robinson slaps him in the back of the head before going back up to take her seat.

“Handler Dennison, since you’re the closest to this situation, I’ll allow you to make the call on the disciplinary measures for Handler-in-Training Finch,” Handler Thomas says. “As long as they’re approved by Handler Hanford.”

Dennison stares at Leo. “Do you like being on your knees? Do you like being a pet?”

“N-no, Sir.” Leo can hardly speak.

“Do you understand, pet, why we do what we do?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Dennison shakes his head. “I don’t think you do. Not well enough. Do you want to be my little bitch pet or do you want to be a handler?”

“I want to be a handler.” Leo gulps. “Sir.” He doesn’t want this, not really, but it’s better than the alternative.

“Okay. We have to solidify that, though. 501’s punishment was interrupted. Not only was that a behavioral adjustment for her, it was also a test of combining the green stuff and the shock machine. We’re missing data now.”

Leo doesn’t like this, not at all.

“Your discipline for allowing 501 to escape and damage handlers and equipment is to undergo 501’s punishment for her. I don’t think you’ll ever want to help the trainees after that. Handler Greco will administer. Then, you’ll be on two-day leave and I expect to see you back here with a brand new attitude.” His face softens, just for a minute. Maybe it’s from pain, maybe he’s thinking about his favorite trainee, the pretty boy with the silver eyes. “I don’t want to see you here again. Ever.”

It’s a general understanding that handlers who go rogue, start questioning the morality of keeping the trainees locked up like this, try to circumvent the system to get the pets out never see their friends and family again.

They end up on their knees wearing a white shirt, black shorts, and a shock collar.

Leo’s already one for four.

“Move him quietly,” Handler Thomas tells Greco. “If any of the trainees see a handler being treated like this, we’ll have widespread chaos on our hands. Handler Bright, is there any more documentation necessary for the conclusion of this hearing?”

Handler Bright scans the paper he’s been filling out. “Not to my knowledge. I’ll need Committee signatures once we conclude. Is there anything that should be redacted or…removed?”

Handler Thomas sighs. “Take out where Handlers Robinson, Paisley, and Dennison were talking to Handler-in-Training Finch. And where they hit him.”

Leo bites his bottom lip and stays on his knees. They can’t do this. They can’t just make it all go away that easily.”

“Okay. I’ll remove that part.”

What else have they redacted? They shouldn’t be able to do it that casually, just taking out where they forced Leo to his knees. How many times have they removed worse from their files?

The part that turns Leo’s stomach isn’t that they can redact whatever. It’s that they can redact things. That they know what they do is wrong, and they choose it anyways, over and over again.

Isn’t that what Leo’s doing? He’s not going too end up as a pet so instead, he becomes a monster, just like the handlers sitting in front of him.

He chose this.

“Meeting adjourned,” Handler Thomas says. “Handler Greco, make sure you give Handler-in-Training Finch a proper demonstration of how a pet should be secured.”

Leo doesn’t move until Greco taps his shoulder. “Come on, kid. Let’s go.”

#box boy universe #bbu #facility whump #forced to kneel #handler-in-training finch #handler dennison #handler hanford #handler greco #handler paisley #handler bright #handler thomas #handler robinson #handler cain #nurse bennett #blue's words

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whumpiary · 4 years

Note

Can we hear about the first time Christopher kissed Cassius? Merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 ❤!!!

A little late for Christmas, Anon, but here’s a Happy New Year present! I’ve been vibing on some early Cass and Christopher so thank you for such a wonderful request.

content warnings: dubcon kiss, grooming, predatory thinking, supremely fucky power dynamics, abuse of power, emotional manipulation, referenced beating/whipping.

Cassius has been doing well since he’s been here. Very well. He’s opened up so much since his arrival ten-odd months ago. The moody, sullen, watchful boy that had arrived is being replaced day by day by the wide-eyed, curious, observant one.

Some boys were like that. Used to a world unpredictable, unrelenting, unforgiving. It was peaceful to them to be in a place that was relatively calm by comparison. Where the rules were plain and simple. The discipline severe and the rewards plentiful and easy to win. They just needed the right kind of guidance.

Cassius had arrived guarded and cynical, and then piece by piece, the shell had started to crack away. Revealing a soft middle. A trusting, confident middle. A sweet and hopeful middle. It was a thing to behold.

The past couple of months he’d taken to hovering in the doorway to Christopher’s office after curfew, asking some sort of question that might stir a conversation or a debate. Sometimes the questions were soft and gently probing. Other times they were outright rude and accusatory.

Boundary testing, Christopher had recognised early on. Seeing if he’d get in trouble for asking questions, for staying up after curfews, for sitting down. He didn’t mind a little of that. Especially when it was so clearly, underneath it all, a bargaining for attention, for affection, for care. Cassius wasn’t the only one of his boys starved for it, but the only one the right mix of bold and hungry to go searching.

Tonight they’re reading. Well, Cassius is reading. He’s doing well tonight too. The dyslexia now just a hurdle instead of the mountain he used to see it as. And Christopher listens. He always listens. Guides. Helps take the words from the page and shape them when the letters stick and shift too much.

Cassius’ eyes run across the pages of Gone With the Wind. Christopher’s run across the curve of Cassius’ cheek.

“He was shaking, as in- as though he stood in a strong wind, and his lips, trawl-, trailing-”

“Travelling.”

“-Travelling from her mouth down where to where… Wait,” he falls quiet for a moment, lips moving around the words as he shapes them out, stills them, unwinds them. “Downw- Down where. No, downward.”

“Very good.”

Christopher shifts his arm along the couch, stretching it out along the back, hand laying loose along the leather back. He flexes his hand, thumb trailing just barely along the seam of the boy’s shirt, imagining the pretty bruises that sit just below it.

“Downward to where the wrapper had fallen from her body, fell on her soft flesh.”

Cassius shifts in where he sits, perhaps the stiffness in his back bothering him. He’d taken a lashing a few days for speaking out of turn. Well, speaking out of turn and starting a fight with one of the other boys after breakfast.

Cassius seems to crave it if left for too long. Go searching for it. The punishments seemed to soothe him, calm and collar the restless thing inside of him. Like a balm. Like a back-burning.

He’d stayed silent and good for the first dozen or so. And then pretty cries of pain. Pretty arch of the spine. A gently whispered please when Christopher had asked if he’d learned his lesson somewhere along the thirty fifth.

Cassius keeps reading, “He was muttering things she did not hear, his lips were ev-oh-king feelings never felt before.”

Christopher doesn’t mind a few mistakes here and there. He’s still learning after all. And it’s sweet, really. The little frown that creases his brow. The pink tongue flicking out to wet his lips as he speaks. The set rhythm of his breathing that shows his focus.

“She was darkness and he was darkness- wait,” and that little pause again as he mouths the words, voice whispering out just barely. Christopher’s eyes drop to the boy’s mouth. He really does have gorgeous lips. Full and pink.

The shirt Cassius wearing is cut a little lower, shows the curve of his collarbone, the flutter of his heart beat against it. The perfect place to run a tongue...

“She was darkness and he was darkness… I’m skipping again.”

Christopher blinks and brings his attention back to the book.

“Hm? No, that’s right,” he says softly. He leans across to trail his finger underneath the words. He can feel the heat from the boy’s body against his arm. “She was darkness and he was darkness and there had never been anything before this time, only darkness and his lips upon her. My favourite line”

“What’s it meant to mean?”

Christopher looks up from the book and smiles warmly, eyes tracing over the boy’s face. He tilts his head, holding the boy’s gaze, “What do you think it means?”

A single lifted shoulder in shrug, eyes back on the page. “I don’t know.”

Christopher breathes a laugh, “Well, I don’t believe that.”

Cassius glances at him side-long and gives a little smile, coloured with the tension of boyish embarrassment. Another shrug.

“Never had a stolen moment in a dark corner somewhere with a pretty girl?”

Cassius raises an eyebrow. Christopher raises his own.

“A pretty boy?”

Cassius snorts a laugh and looks away again, and Christopher watches him go. He’d bet his hat that this boy has had both. Would have both. He’s sure he’ll have snuck away in a hall somewhere in East Wing with one of the other charges. Pressed them against the wall or vice versa.

“No I get that. I get the...” he shrugs again instead of specifying. Sweet. “I just don’t get the like… darkness, darkness thing.”

Christopher tilts his head, hums in thought. How to describe. Explain. Guide. Shape. “Well... it’s about intimacy, isn’t it? And passion.”

Cassius gives him a wry smile, “So Rhett Butler’s just a really good fuck?””

Christopher laughs and rolls his eyes with a sigh like the suggestion is childish. He runs his thumb along that seam again.

“It’s about more than sex,” he says, smiling fondly. “It’s about... Feeling so close to someone that you can’t quite tell where you end and they begin. Like it’s always been this way and always will and this moment between you will last forever.”

Cassius is looking at him like he’s just hand-painted stars into the sky. Like he’s hung the moon. It’s such a gorgeous look. Makes a man feel special.

But he doesn’t speak to that, of course. Instead what comes out of the boys mouth is,

“Think I’d rather stick a needle in my eye.”

“Mm? Why’s that?”

“Sounds gross as shit. Just… losing yourself to someone like that.”

“Oh, you don’t lose yourself,” Christopher assures, smiling warmly as he turns his body. Cassius shifts, too opens himself up without seeming to think about it. Christopher rests his head on his hand, elbow on the back of the chair. “It’s lovely. You feel like you’ve finally found the way it’s meant to be.”

His boy’s breath seems to catch. “And you’ve had that? Known people like that?”

Christopher smiles, murmurs conspiratorially, “I’m old. I’ve known all sorts of people.”

Cassius breathes a laugh but his eyes stay fixed. Like he’s locked in. Trapped. Lured. “And which one were you? Rhett Butler or Scarlett O’Hara?”

Christopher laughs lightly, tracing his eyes over Cassius’ face. He resists the urge, just barely, to tuck a curl behind his ear. “I’d say I’ve played both in my time.”

Cassius is watching him. Assessing. He does that from time to time. Like he’s weighing his options, figuring out what the next best move is. What’s expected. What’s wanted. What’s owed. Christopher just smiles and points back at Gone With the Wind.

“Listen to this next part, maybe it’ll make more sense to you” he says, he reaches across to the open page, finger trailing the words again, arm brushing against Cassius’ hand where he holds the book. “Suddenly she had a wild thrill such as she had never known; joy, fear, madness, excitement, surrender to arms that were too strong, lips too bruising, fate that moved too-”

Cassius launches forward.

Fast.

Christopher’s not expecting the kiss. But it isn’t surprising.

It’s boyish. Enthusiastic. Searching, questioning, sweet. Very sweet. Christopher nearly laughs into it, delighted and intrigued. The joy and the fear and the madness. The surrender. It’s lovely.

He wonders, briefly, if Cassius can feel the darkness between them. Or if he’s chasing the light.

Cassius pulls back just as fast as he’d fallen in. His hand flies up to cover those lovely lips, eyes that were sparkling a second before now filled with dread and shame. Something like fear.

It’s very, very sweet.

“Oh my god,” he says, barely a whisper against a palm. His cheeks are flushed. Eyes wide. “Oh my… oh fuck, I just-”

Christopher ducks his head a little, raises a reassuring hand, “It’s alright.”

Cassius is shooting to his feet, he’s standing up, he’s pacing the rug, he’s borderline panicking, “Oh my god, I’m- I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know why I-... I’m so sorry.”

“It’s nothing to apologise for.”

“No but I- I, I, I was reading the book- you were reading the book and I thought, I, I, I felt-”

“Cassius…”

“I didn’t mean, Oh my god I’m so, so sorry, I-”

Chrsitopher sighs and drops his voice, sets his gaze, “Cassius.”

His boy looks over to him finally, looking stricken and frightened. Like he’s about to be sick. Like he’s about to be punished. Like he’s ready to fall to his knees and ask for absolution. Christopher’s eyes drop to those lips again.

“Come sit.”

He does. Of course he does. Like a puppet on strings.

“I don’t know why I-”

“Shh,” he says, taking a fidgeting hand

“I’m so sorry-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Cassius. Darling boy,” he brings his hand up to cup his boy’s cheek and every cell in Cassius’ body seems to freeze in stasis. Cassius’ eyes flick between each of his own, searching for direction. For guidance.

Christopher runs his thumb along the pretty cheek just to feel the shudder of the exhale. His boy isn’t sure if he should be expecting punishment or forgiveness.

Christopher leans in, hand shifting to tilt his boy’s chin up. He kisses him softly. Tenderly. And then he pulls back, admires the stars in those dark eyes; the sweetness, the confusion, the hope.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Christopher repeats, voice dancing between them, words catching on Cassius’ breath, running a visible shiver down his spine.

He melts against Christopher’s hand, eyes closing tight in desperate relief, pressing into his palm like a lost puppy. Christopher gives him a quiet moment, moves his thumb in a soothing stroke over his cheek. He looks beautiful like this. So uncharacteristically and honestly soft.

It’s only when Cassius opens eyes that Christopher smiles and speaks again, keeping his voice low, “Shall we keep reading?”

Cassius nods against his palm, lifts his head up, looks away. Wiping an escaped tear from his cheek with a rough fist. Christopher gives him the decency of looking away.

He shifts again so his arm is along the back of the couch once more. He makes no comment at the way Cassius has inched his body closer, all but cuddled against his side.

He’s really come so far since he’s been here. He’d go further too. With the right kind of guidance.

#answered #christopher #cassius #grooming cw #dubcon cw #dubcon kiss cw #power dynamics #abuse of power #Anonymous

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valhallasubstitute · 4 years

Text

What is Mine, is Yours

Sihtric x reader

Prompt #13 & #17 - ‘There was only one bed’ and ‘They were right in front of your eyes the whole time.’

You and Sihtric are entrusted with a holy relic while the others sent on a rescue mission. You arrive at the rendezvous point before the others and make camp. As night falls you discover that Sihtric left his pack behind and it’s too cold to sleep without one… with the light of a new day some things become very clear.

A/N: I re wrote this like 8 million times but we got there finally! I found it really hard to write an oblivious reader bc how can you not take notice of Sihtric? How can you not immediately fall deeply in love with him? Idk if anyone has the answer then let me know

WC: 1207

WARNINGS: none

Tags: @flowers-in-your-hayr

The relic was a leather-bound book - old, worn and valuable to the Church beyond measure. It had belonged to a long dead Saint, whose name escaped you, but the importance of the item had been stressed so strongly that you felt its spiritual weight as you carried it.

A group of Danes had heard of its worth and ransacked a monastery in hopes of an agreeable ransom. They had taken a handful of monks and a bible they had mistaken for the relic. Uhtred had been summoned and while he argued that only one of his men needed to guard it the bishop had insisted that there should be two of you.

Sihtric walked beside you, huffing with annoyance at missing out on another raid.

‘I do not understand why it needs us both.’

‘Do you not enjoy my company Sihtric?’ You nudged him with your shoulder teasingly. The man beside you said nothing, opting to roll his eyes before continuing his rant. The friendship between the two of you was strong, having known each other for many years you understood each other better than anyone. You were family, bound by loyalty and love, just as the others were.

The sun was setting when you finally reached the rendezvous point. It was a small clearing in dense forest, known only to those in your party and the deer that darted at the sight of you.

‘There goes dinner…’

You set up camp quickly, keenly aware of the dropping temperature and ache in your feet. The fire did little to fight the cold, but you were grateful, the glow it cast was warm and gentle, lulling you into a peace that one only found when immersed in the flicker of a flame.

Sihtric sat opposite you, shield at his side and axe in his lap, his eyes coming to rest on you as you kicked off your boots. You sighed at the relief, stretching like a cat does in the sun.

‘I cannot wait to find a river to bathe in and wash away all this mud.’

‘Mmh and the smell.’ Sihtric’s tone was level and his face straight but his eyes danced with amusement, a smile breaking out as your boot flew past his head. It landed just behind him, startling your horse. As he made his way over to calm the mare, he returned the shoe, dropping it in front of you.

You raised your hand to smack his passing form, but he caught it mid-flight. He held your wrist with little force, both of you trying and failing to keep a straight face as he shoved you harshly off the log you sat upon.

Many people mistook you and Sihtric for lovers, your fondness for each other was palpable but you always dismissed the claims with fake disgust and horror. Sometimes you played on it, knowing you worked well together Uhtred often used your relationship to his advantage, playing Sihtric’s wife was something you had done often when sent to spy but it had never encroached on your friendship. Yet why he had never found himself a real wife nagged at you.

Once the horses had been settled you let the fire begin to fade, turning your attention where you would rest your head. Your pack rested next to the shawl covered book and you delighted in the idea of unconsciousness, to let your mind wonder away from the relic without guilt and your body rest from the journey.

As you finished laying out your furs Sihtric called your name, confusion evident in his tone. You made your way to him in the darkness, his silhouette familiar and inviting as you placed your hand on his back in comfort.

‘I cannot find it…’

‘Find what?’

‘My furs.’

‘You were the ones that packed the horses Sihtric, how do you manage to not pack your own bag?’ The man beside you huffed once more, dragging a hand over his face he turned to you.

‘We will have to share.’ You groaned at the inconvenience but there was no weight in your displeasure. You and Sihtric had shared a tent many times, and often when on the road his shoulder was the best place to nap in all of Wessex.

‘I will repay you Y/N.’

‘No need, what is mine, is yours.’ You led him to your furs and his hand squeezed yours briefly in thanks. The two of you settled quickly, drooping eyes and the call of dreams making words seem entirely unnecessary.

You dreamt of long dead saints and Danes and hands grasping one another in far more gratitude than just thanks.

You woke just before dawn, light just beginning to filter through the leaves. You felt warm despite the frost on the ground, breathing in the pillow beneath your head. It was then that you realised that it wasn’t your furs, but Sihtric’s armour clad chest acting as your pillow. His arms were wrapped around you, one resting on your waist and the other laying on top of your own hand that lay on his stomach. His cheek rested on the top of your head and he nuzzled into it, breathing you in, in his sleep.

The action was gentle and reminded you of how he was with other women that warmed his bed. You would often watch him once he had found someone to share the night with, your initial quiet amusement would fade into an aching curiosity; his actions were so subtle, but his claim was obvious. They way he whispered in their ear, hot breath fanning their neck as his did to yours now. The way he would trail his fingers up and down their arms as they spoke, how he would take a handful of their arse if any other man looked for too long, despite her only being his for the night.

It made you seek out a man of your own.

Now that you lay in his arms you marvelled at how natural it felt, you would be hard pressed to think of somewhere you felt more at home. Rationally you knew you had gravitated together in seek of warmth but the way he held you felt different than just intimacy born of circumstance.

You could feel Sihtric stirring beneath you and your first instinct was to pull away, the realisation of emotion too blatant to hide, but his arms trapped you. You waited with bated breath for him to pull away, to address your tangled bodies with amusement and indifference but the blow never came.

You turned to him, a sheepish smile on your face. Your eyes met and your own expression was mirrored in his gaze, the confusion, the questioning, the happiness. It dawned on you as he studied you with tenderness that if you were never to wake up in his arms again there would be little point in waking up at all.

‘Sihtric…’ Your hand traveled up from his stomach to cup his face, the action was ill practiced and over cautious, but the way he lent into it, with just as much tentativeness settled your nerves.

‘Y/N.’

‘Why have you never taken a wife?’

‘The same reason you have never taken a husband.’

#the last kingdom fanfic #tlk fanfic #sihtric #sihtric fanfic #sihtric x reader #sihtric kjartanson x reader #sihtric kjartanson #inga writes #100 followers celebration

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alia-turin · 3 years

Text

For @golden-olea I know that came as your idea, I hope I did it justice.

Fic Title: Last Words Fandom: The Witcher (Aen Elle) Pairing: Avallac’h/Lara Warnings: Break up, some harsh language.

AO3 Link

Avallac’h held the piece of paper, his fingers gripping it so hard he had to try not to destroy it before he had finished reading it.

Reading it was a strange way to describe it. He was looking at Lara’s writing but he didn’t see whole sentences even if he was sure they were there. It was single words and phrases that actually reached his mind.

‘It is not easy for me…’

His heart was beating miles per minute. Lara has been absent a lot recently, exploring other worlds she had called it. Seeing new cultures. She was always curious and Avallac’h loved that about her. In his mind he could see all the precious memories of the two of them spending long nights and just talking about other worlds and other cultures. The curiosities they had seen together, the novelties they had experienced with each other.

‘...you will not understand…’

Did he push her too far? Was he too certain of what Fate had in store for them that he ignored everything? All the times he held her in his arms and all the kisses shared between the two of them, was that all for nothing? Maybe he was too persistent or the opposite? He had allowed her too much freedom where he should have been the voice of reason. Did he blind himself with love and all he was seeing was Lara but not the bigger picture? He was imagining it, he knew that but even now he could feel the softness of her lips against his even if they had not shared a moment of intimacy in months.

‘My own path…’

He couldn’t understand - her path? Her path was with him, their future and everyone’s future, they had duty, they had...it wasn’t about him and his ambitions it was also his heart. She had his heart in her hand. They had talked about that, what they would do, how they would change the Aen Elle together, allowing them a better life than what they had. Was that all a lie? Or was that his plan that she just agreed with to make him happy. It was not possible to have a path without him, that was just...he was her destiny as she was his, they were bound by more than just attraction and love.

‘...someone else…’

Avallac’h couldn’t go past that point. Someone else? Who? He started going through his mind. Yes, Lara travelled to other worlds a lot, but that was of no consequence - they all did, they lived for hundreds of years they all had to explore and learn especially someone in her position. Someone else - the words echoed in his mind as if she had pronounced them. It was just a letter but he could hear her voice, confident but kind telling him there was someone else. Who? Jealousy started crawling at the back of his head, thinking of every man or woman he had ever seen her with in Tir na Lia or otherwise.

Eredin.

Somehow the general’s name came to his mind. He knew Eredin had ambition, he knew he was ruthless, was he that ruthless? He started thinking and he couldn’t deny he had seen it - Eredin smiling at her, Eredin opening a door for her and giving her that look...he could even point to moments when Eredin was not in Tir na Lia, but neither was Lara. Avallac’h’s pain grew into anger. He was nothing but a common soldier, what right did Eredin have over his Destiny?

‘...a child…’

Avallac’h threw the letter in the fire without even thinking. Eredin was taking everything from him. Lara, his life, his future...just like that. Hundreds of years Avallac’h had waited for this moment and now someone had taken it from him.

He lashed out of his room walking down the hallways, not seeing anything around himself. He needed to find Eredin. That was absurd. He had no idea what he would do once he saw the man, probably kill him, although what good will that do, he had already stolen his Destiny. Ambitious and arrogant, he knew that he should have told that to Auberon years ago. Dangerous. Everyone knew it, Avallac’h knew it, he ignored it. Why wouldn’t he? A soldier, good soldier, but had no power beside that of his sword. And low cunning. He was hurt by Lara, but it hurt a million times more because it was Eredin. He had tricked her, he had used that brutish personality of his to attract her and trap her. How long had he been planning that? Years? Months?

Avallach stormed into the barracks passing soldiers who just gave him curious looks, it wasn’t common for a Sage to walk among them. He almost kicked the doors to Eredin’s room. The man was standing next to his desk talking to two of his men.

“Get out.” Avallac’h shouted, which surprised him as well. He couldn’t remember the last time he raised his voice at...anything. Eredin’s men did not follow orders from him. They both turned to Eredin with questioning looks.

“Go.” their general said calmly and made a hand gesture pointing at the door.

Avallac’h barely could wait to hear the door being closed behind him when he started - he didn’t want to shout but anger and heartbreak met somewhere in his mind and he could no longer control himself.

“You are irresponsible and arrogant.” Eredin raised an eyebrow but did not answer. Just looked at him with a smug face. Avallac’h could kill him just for that. “It wasn’t enough you took her away from me, but that? You had to go that far? Not just her, but...my life everything I had been working for so many years. But you couldn’t just watch and sit could you? Your arrogance would never allow you to admit that you are nothing but a simple horse master and you will never be anything but a border guard.” Both of Eredin’s eyebrows were raised now, but again no comment, nothing. “I don’t even understand what she sees in you!” that was a lie, he could see what any woman could see in Eredin - the arrogance, the looks, the bravery, the attitude...he couldn’t believe Lara would fall for any of that. “You waited for so many years and now you did it, now you had to take it away from her and from me, you have doomed her with nothing but suffering, the destiny of all of us is at risk and you wasted it for what? Ten minutes of pleasure? Was she even willing or you did her the same way you do your other whores? Probably you did, you are incapable of any sort of gentle emotion or compassion, sick ambition and bloodlust is all you know and that is what you have created now. This was supposed to be my child not yours!”

Avallac’h stopped, Eredin was just staring at him, calm, unmoving. He expected some sort of reaction, defence, insult...anything.

There was nobody alive who could walk in Eredin’s room and talk to him the way Avallac’h did. He would not allow even a king to do it and Crevan was far from a king. He found it amusing that someone like Avallac’h had completely lost control over his own emotions, but if he gathered the situation correctly, probably he would as well. Silly of him to bet all his money on one horse especially if this horse is a woman who, like everybody else, could just change her mind. There were few moments when it was hard to keep silent, the insults were just too...personal, but he kept his cool, he would pay Avallac’h for that with interest. Maybe in two hundred years, but he would.

“Anything else?” Eredin was leaning against his desk, his arms crossed at his chest. Crevan didn’t speak, but there was a storm growing in the man’s eyes. He pushed his hand down to his belt and let it rest on the pommel of his sword, he didn’t expect Avallac’h to attack him, not after the verbal waterfall of feelings, but Eredin had been known to provoke people. “I never touched Lara.”

“Don’t lie! You are low, but even such a blatant lie seems below you.” Avallac’h barked back.

“Crevan, if I came in your precious ticket for internal glory, would I deny it?” He didn’t need to explain further. He waited. He knew there was a drop of reason left in Avallac’h’s mind he just needed to reach it. Honestly he didn’t care if Avallac’h saw reason, he could lose his mind and jump off a cliff, not Eredin’s problem. But there was a bigger problem that the other man needed to see.

Avallac’h opened his mouth and closed it. Then he turned his head to the side like a curious puppy. There it was, the rationality taking over. The storm in Avallac’h eyes calmed, but did not disappear, different sorts of emotions started showing on his face, Eredin found all that amusing, Crevan who had always been so controlled in his actions and words, now the man who always had been a bit of a mystery was an open book from read and gloat.

“Who…”

“I don’t think it’s Aen Elle.” while Avallac’h had been busy looking for creative insults Eredin had been thinking and connecting pieces. He knew Lara would sometimes disappear for weeks or months. He also knew no one made a big deal out of it, including himself, she was young and she had power few others did. “It’s a human.” He had not taken the issues seriously, probably he should have. “One of my men is involved with one of her servants. Lara has been sleeping with a human.”

“And you are telling me that...now?” Avallac’h’s rage came back in his eyes. “You could have prevented all that, do you know what is at stake? We are doomed, Eredin.”

“I’m but a simple soldier, the dealings of the great Sages are beyond my understanding.” He threw Avallac’h words back at him, he had remembered the insult and that was not going to be the payment he collects, but it was sweet seeing Crevan’s reactions. “It is your job to keep her happy, not mine.” he could see Avallac’h about to launch at him again so he just raised his hand to stop him. “Crevan, if we lose her, we lose the portals. Let her have her fun, fix it after that.” If Eredin was in his shoes he would probably find the insolent human and drag him through the streets before he killed him slowly, the baby he would drown and it will be as if it never happened. Avallac’h was not him, and he knew the man would probably just accept it once his current rage had passed. Either way they had a problem.

“I need to speak with Auberon.” Avallac’h had finally found reason and walked out of his rooms as fast as he had walked in. Eredin could see his soldiers peaking through the door the Sage left open. He didn’t know if they heard anything but for sure they heard the raised voice.

Didn’t matter, everyone would know soon, he gave it a week. That created other issues for him, but it did open an opportunity as well. One head never hoped to have even in his wildest dreams. Eredin smiled.

#avallac'h #lara dorren #eredin breacc glas #the witcher #the witcher 3: wild hunt #my writing

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utterlyinevitable · 4 years

Text

On The Subject of Love

Paring: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 3.3k Warning: Tame. A few curse words and mentions of sex. Summary: Becca coaxes Ethan into talking about his experience with love during their visit to Leland Bloom's yacht.

Author’s Note: this took waaaaay too long to write and i’m still not sure i’m happy with it :/ but thank you @aylamwrites for pre-reading and leaving hilarious comments ❤

________________________________________

The drive to Leland Bloom’s yacht was staid, a direct contrast to the glorious sunshine surrounding the bubble of the sedan. Ethan was navigating the unfamiliar route to the private yacht club with extreme disdain. His ego wanted to resolve this case and finally put an end to this petulant competition with Mass Kenmore Hospital. Sitting in the passenger seat of his car was his favorite accomplice, Becca, calmly staring blankly out the window and still so unsure of his feelings towards her.

She knew she riled him up when she went behind his back to seek out the first high-profile patient, influencer Gwenyth Monroe. Though, in her defense, the man wasn’t actively trying to save the Diagnostics Team from the budgetary chopping block. Ethan Ramsey was always so blinded by his pride and ethics - He did the same with their future as well. But, Becca also knew she stepped over the line this morning when she called him a spoiled child in front of Baz and June at Mr. Bloom’s estate. Though she didn't really regret it because someone had to tell him off, the interaction still left a bad taste in her mouth.

Becca wasn’t too sure where they stood - professionally or romantically. The words Ethan spoke not too long ago in the dark of his office rang through her head: I want to know you as you truly are.

That was a few weeks ago. There he was breaking down their simply professional facade once again. It was a constant tug-of-war with him. Some days Ethan would let the wall crumble by letting her in or grabbing her hand, and others where he’d build it higher than before just to keep the force of Becca at bay. She didn’t realize how sweet of a memory the two of them creating his Pictagram account during that late-night research session would become.

He’s such an old man…

Ethan cut through her reverie, “What are you thinking about?”

With her gaze fixed on the passing trees and her mind still half-stuck in her daydream, she responded without further consideration, “Do you really never want to get married?”

Ethan’s brow furrowed at the random intrusion, needing to think before settling on a response. “Are you still stuck on this?”

The two sometimes-lovers spoke briefly about his views on the subject while working on Gwenyth’s case late into the evening. To Becca it was one of the most important questions in building their not-so-subtle budding relationship - she needed to know if Ethan was worth all the… complications. He spoke about how he didn’t believe in soulmates, unconditional love, and his doubts on marriage as an intuition. He never once spoke about his experience with love.

Looking out the window into the cloudless end of summer day, Becca boldly asked, “Haven’t you ever been in love? Wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone you’ve dated?”

“Oh god, no,” he scoffed with wide pale blue eyes. “I told you, Rookie, I don’t see the point.”

She rolled her disbelieving brown eyes and let the conversation pause there as they pulled up to the dock.

***

After the yacht set sail the doctors waited around the stern in a restive silence for 45 minutes while Mr. Bloom wrapped up his business meeting. Once safely away from the prying eyes of investors and colleagues in the yacht's master bedroom, Ethan and Becca begin to run tests and scans on the deteriorating businessman.

“Mr. Bloom, can I ask you and Caroline a question?” Becca asked as she drew a few samples of blood. “It has nothing to do with your case. Me and my friend here are debating something,” she nodded her head at Ethan’s general direction.

The patient looked between the two with a devious smile, “Sure, swing.”

Becca quickly peered over at Ethan standing at an expensive gold and glass table with the mobile sonogram machine, his arms crossed and waiting for her to enlighten the room with her inquiry.

She shot him a coy smile before turning back to the worldly man and asking, “How did you know you wanted to get married?”

Ethan stifled a surprising cough. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought she’d ask a complete stranger that.

Mr. Bloom smiled as he instantly recalled every moment he has ever spent with his now-wife.

Closing his eyes he recited, “We’ve been business partners for decades - since college, actually. We were married about 11 years ago. I’ve known her my entire adult life and waited until I was almost 50 to tell her how I really felt.”

His eyes opened and found Caroline sitting in the chair by the large bay window immediately. The two looking adoringly at one another for a few seconds, speaking volumes in the language of love. For a moment Becca’s heart panged with hope that she could have that level of fondness with a man - that unconditional and unencumbered attachment that precedes words.

“My recommendation is to tell the other person you have feelings for them from the get-go. It’ll buy you time together. Its - it’s the most precious thing in the world to be with the one you love most.”

The way Leland Bloom spoke about his wife humanized him - he wasn’t a cut-throat businessman with oligarch-like wealth. He was a man who wanted as much time with his loved one as this world would permit, no matter the cost.

“But how did you know she was the one?” Becca quizzed further.

Mr. Bloom looked at Ethan's awkward form first and then to Becca as he asked, “Have you ever been in love?”

Ethan’s attention was focused on watching the images printing, deeply embarrassed by Becca’s brazen question and wanting no part of the conversation. Feeling everyone’s gaze on him he took in the three expectant stares and exclaimed incredulously, “Wha - Of course I have!”

Becca smiled at the old man, “Yes.”

“Do you remember how it felt?” Leland’s eyes bore into Becca’s begging the memories to surface.

She nodded.

Becca peered over at Ethan for a split second, his eyes meeting hers. She could see the curiosity swirling around his dark blue orbs alongside something else. Feeling ashamed for getting caught staring she bit her lip and tore her eyes away from him before she could even try to pinpoint just what the mystery emotion was.

“It’s like that,” Leland reassured. “But you’re constantly drawn to one another. The simplest and meaningless of tasks make you the happiest. You can sit in the same room in your own little world of silence together. Your heart swells when you look at them.” Like before his eyes flashed over to Caroline. “You’re never bored. And you can rely on them. The most telling sign was that I knew I needed her in my life even before I knew I had feelings for her. The intimacy was an added bonus.”

He smiled up at his wife who now stood close by with an affectionate hand on her husband’s shoulder.

“Would you agree, darling?”

She nodded only for him. “I knew he was my person when he’d stand up for me. He wouldn’t let anyone belittle me or my intelligence. He challenged me to be a better person and comforted me when I needed it. He’s the best partner I could ask for.” Caroline’s body shifted to Becca though her eyes never left Leland’s, “Does that help your debate?”

Becca looked over at Ethan who didn’t have an inkling of amusement in his features. “I think you’ve just proved my point, but I'll give him a few minutes to form a rebuttal,” she winked at the couple.

They shared a pleasant laughter at Ethan’s expense.

“Ok, Mr. Bloom, you’re all set,” Becca beamed as they finished their examination. “We’ll give you a call once we have the results from the lab later today.”

With a nod of his head Mr. Bloom replied, “Good evening, doctors.”

Ethan didn’t say a word as they disembarked the vessel.

“So…” she started, expecting him to begin arguing his case on the disillusion of soulmates.

Ethan wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

The walk back to his sedan was stewing in awkward tension under the afternoon raging heat. More than halfway back to the car Becca had just come to accept the fact that Ethan wasn’t going to engage in their little intellectual tiff when he spoke with a critical eye;

“How many people have you presumably been in love with?”

She certainly didn’t expect that to be his first rebuttal. It almost made Becca drop the medical bag she was holding. Almost.

She simply responded, “Two. You?”

Over her shoulder she saw Ethan walking straight and stoically, eyes fixed ahead. He was ever so expertly guarded and displaying no telling emotions.

“Three, maybe,” he shrugged, not giving it a second thought.

“Maybe?”

“I don’t think teenage relationships could really count as love.”

“So we won’t count it,” Becca agreed with a small nod. “My number stands at 2.”

They made it to the car and Ethan popped the truck for them to put the gear. He fussed with the equipment, taking slightly longer than necessary to make sure the bag with the blood samples were safe and secure. Becca eyed him carefully from the sidelines expectantly.

With a loud thunk of the trunk and eyes glued to the license plate, he hesitated, “One.”

“Tell me about her.” Becca demanded sweetly as she moved to open the passenger side door. “Or I can go first?”

“Please,” he motioned for her to continue as they settled into his sedan.

Becca took a cleansing breath as she buckled herself in for the journey.

“It was my first year of undergrad. His name was Mack.” Becca could almost hear the roll of Ethan’s eyes as she stared out her window. “We dated for a year and broke up because my workload got intense and I couldn't go out much.” She took a pause as she remembered all those meaningful moments that came to define her adult-self. “He was a liberal arts major, really outgoing. He brought me out of my shell and taught me to be the person I am today. I’m really thankful for him, but more grateful that it didn’t work. I loved him, but I know now I definitely wasn’t in love with him. Looking back I don't even know how we would have made anything work.” Becca chuckled to herself. “He works in television now.”

There was a pause before she continued onto the second romantic love she’s ever experienced. Part of her hoped Ethan would jump in with an antidote.

Still, he kept his eyes on the road ahead.

“My last relationship was during med school. He was something else,” Becca continued with a vibrant smile. “We had great chemistry and a good time together.”

The affection in her voice for the nameless man instinctively had Ethan gripping at the wheel just tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. Medical school wasn’t more than two years in her past, still enough time for the exes to find their way back to one another…

“We thought we were supposed to be together because that’s what you’re told as a kid - go to school, find your soulmate, get that good job, get married and have babies. We groomed each other to be all that. But the pressure of trying to be someone’s perfect person was too much. He went to California and I went to Boston. I don’t know what he’s up to today.”

Her smile faltered as she wordlessly recalled the day she and Thomas Miller III walked out of one another’s life for good. Ethan would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little relieved to know her break up was not amicable.

“Your turn.”

Becca didn’t have the strength to turn and face him, the still-raw memories were playing out against the glass of the rear-view mirror and she couldn’t banish them just yet.

Ethan began to recite his past relationship like a bulleted list, checking off any sort of pertinent information; “It was for nearly 10 months. During medical school. She was gracious and brilliant. We never saw much of each other but when we did we had the most riveting medical debates. It was good fun.”

“That’s it?” Becca questioned in astonishment. Her brows were furrowed as she tried to keep her mouth from hanging open. How could someone look back on their first love with such displeasure? Even if it ended horribly the feeling of being in love is magical... and shouldn’t that in itself be celebrated?

He nodded.

Becca folded her arms across her chest and bit her lip as she pondered his words.

With the slightest scoff Becca boldly concluded, “I don’t think you were in love.”

Ethan was taken aback, clenching his jaw tightly in blatant refusal of conveying his surprise at her account of what happened with his heart while she was still in grade school. “How would you know?” he retorted.

“Because if you were you’d see each other all the time,” she responded simply and with a jovial lightness - like she’d cracked an undefined code. “You’d forgo sleep to spend some time together. You’d talk about your insecurities, your family, your dreams of the future. Not just medicine and cases.”

“You’re romanticising it.”

That one phrase stirred something up deep inside Becca. Who was he to tell her those things didn’t matter in a relationship? Those are the things they talk about and she… she wouldn’t admit to it. With that one romantic phrase they dove back into the quarrel Ethan so desperately didn’t want to be having.

Undeterred by consequences she countered, “How often did you have sex?”

“Excuse me.”

“You heard me,” she challenged.

Ethan let out a long breath of air. They were stuck together for at least another 25 minutes and there wasn’t a single thing he could say to dodge his way out of this one. Although he didn’t like the fact, they both were acutely aware that Rebecca is the only person who could ever ask him an impudent question. She had earned that right that night he crossed the line and they ruined one another in the most pleasurable of ways.

“Once, maybe twice a month, I think.”

“Months!?” Becca practically jumped out of her seat. Her head whipped around to face him.

Ethan hadn’t moved from the upright position and tight grip on the steering wheel she noted when they began their journey back to Edenbrook. The only thing that was running through Becca’s mind as she gawked at the admirable DNA of the man beside her was: How?

“It was a long time ago,” Ethan said, still completely unflappable. “I can’t remember correctly.”

“I was lucky to have sex twice a week.” Gosh, there were so many questions fluttering around Becca’s mind that she just couldn’t find the right words to articulate how unfathomable his confession seemed.

She watched as he raised an eyebrow, “You had other priorities.”

“No,” she stopped him right there with a point of her finger. “I had the same education as you. In between classes, assignments and reading your entire body of work I found time to find time.”

The corner of Ethan’s lip twitched when she mentioned her devotion to his life’s work.

Becca couldn’t believe he dared question her priorities - he read her application, he knows just how diligent and qualified she is.

She wanted to continue arguing but knew it was futile. Instead she asked another innocent question, “How many relationships have you been in since her?”

“Hurm, one,” Ethan grumbled, “Harper.” He paused to look at Becca out the corner of his eye for any sort of reaction. She gave him no ill indications - Her alert brown eyes were on him and brows rose high, awaiting further explanation. The two have had a quick quip on his history with the surgeon, but nothing past hearsay. “We’ve been on and off since residency,” he told her once more. “Now can we stop talking about this?”

Becca conceded, settling back into the shiny black leather. “I can’t believe you dated Harper,” she mused as she played with her seatbelt strap, “You two are so…”

“Different?” Ethan finished for her. “We actually have a lot of the same interests.”

“Intense,” Becca grinned as she finished her train of thought. “But I'm glad you got along.”

“We didn’t.”

If she wasn’t confused by the attendings’ relationship before she sure as hell was now. “Wha- How? You just said you have a lot in common.”

“Having similar interests and getting along are not mutually exclusive, Doctor,” Ethan smirked.

With a slack jaw and eyes trained on him once more, Becca all but demanded, “Explain please.”

“We were two people at the top of our respective classes,” he began. “Medical journal leeches were pitching us again and again. Everyone was pushing us together - a power couple, if you will.”

“The pride of Edenbrook,” she muttered in understanding.

Ethan nodded, “Pretty much.”

“Did Naveen orchestrate your coupling?” she asked. “He loves a good gossip story.”

Ethan shook his head once, “Naveen just wants me to be happy. At that moment he thought she’d make me happy.”

Becca let his words settle amongst them. She shouldn’t feel unsettled by his honesty, yet she did. There were too many comparable variables coming to light today.

Becca chewed on her bottom lip for a few pensive seconds before asking the fated question; “Did you like her?”

As soon as the words fell off her tongue she shut her eyes. She didn't want to see the damage the words could cause, and yet her body craved the answer.

“I had an affinity for her, if that’s what you mean,” he asked but didn’t give her the chance to clarify. “We had the same interests; both of us very career-orientated. Ultimately that’s what got in the way.” He paused for a moment, thinking carefully about his next words. He said them slowly and a decibel quieter than the last, “And that I didn’t have highly romantic feelings for her.” Just then Becca’s eyes shot open, fixed at his loosened grip of the steering wheel. “I still have a lot of respect and admiration for her.”

A small smile crept up on Rebecca. Those words alone held all she needed to know - Harper Emery never was and never will be a contender for Ethan’s heart.

“Then why do it?”

He shrugged as his features settled back into their default stoicism, “It was the right thing to do. If we didn’t… people would spend the rest of our lives forcing us together.”

She cocked an eyebrow, “So your relationship was a PR stunt…?”

“Absolutely not. I’m not a low-life, Becca.” He took pure offense that she thought he would do anything without a saturation of intention. “We tried because it seemed right. It seemed… inevitable... to try.”

“Huh, ok.”

He used her words against her. ‘Inevitable’ was what they were. Does he feel the same way about their relationship that he felt about Harper? Surely he didn’t, but she’d have no way to know. Ethan Ramsey kept pushing her away, and yet years ago he refused to wait and chose to explore those ineludible feelings with someone else.

Was Harper the reason we aren’t together, since he’s done the whole ‘inevitable’ tango before? She speculated.

Ethan’s next comment broke through her trance, “Aside from those disasters called relationships I have spent time with a few other women. You can rest assured I’m not completely incapable of intimacy.”

“I know you’re not a robot, Ethan,” she lamented. I’m happy to be one of those women.

Becca was glad he opened up to her, and for their intimacy all those months ago. Though, the gnawing of how many other women Ethan Ramsey had taken to bed in the days without her or Harper Emery plagued her mind. She wanted to press further but knew not to - she pushed her luck too much for one day.

_____________________________________

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#open heart #open heart fanfic #choices open heart #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x harper #choices oph2 #oph series #oph ff #choices fanfic #ohsy

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quillingyousoftly · 4 years

Text

Betrayal

Written for @amonthofwhump and their event March Madness. I pushed myself to finish it today and only did minimal proofreading, so sorry for any mistakes.

Warnings: infidelity, terminal illness, Brock Rumlow/John Garrett

Brock doesn't know what pushed him, if it was the desire to punish Jack for his indifference or to prove to himself he can still be attractive. Perhaps it was a mix of both that made him follow John to his house and into his bed instead of driving home to Jack.

He wakes at dawn, a burning hot wave of shame crushing over him as it hits him with clarity what he's done. He checks his phone with nervous hands, but there are no notifications, no missed calls, and the relief he feels comes with the pain of a twisting knife in his stomach. It's clear as day Jack hasn't even noticed he is gone. Would he notice if Brock didn't return home at all, if he joined John for breakfast instead?

Having decided he's not ready to find out, he gets up and haphazardly throws his clothes on. His underwear and pants are by the bed, his sweatshirt is a crumpled mess on the hallway's floor. His socks are still on his feet. John doesn't stop snoring as he sneaks out of his house.

There are few cars on the streets at this hour, and despite all the emotions bubbling away inside him, Brock can't stop yawning as he drives back home. He turns on the radio for a minute, but the music is too cheerful, and the speaker's sense of humor too quirky. Thankfully, his anxiety keeps him awake until he parks in his driveway. Jack's dirty black Jeep is still there--of course it is, it's four in the morning.

The house is quiet. The couch in the living room is empty, and the closer Brock skulks to the bedroom, the better he hears Jack's soft snores. Him sleeping soundly and unaware of Brock's nightly shenanigans is somehow worse than everything else Brock half-expected to come home to. It means he can slip under the covers next to his boyfriend and pretend nothing happened, but maybe that's not what he wants. Maybe he wants a fight. A big one, with shouting, glasses breaking, maybe some punches and pushes. Maybe that's the only way he knows how to let his pain out.

Jack's curled on his left side, Brock already knows before he opens the bedroom door, because that's the position that makes him snore. He doesn't stir when Brock sneaks in and loses his yesterday's clothes. He can smell John's cologne on his skin as he pulls his sweatshirt off, but decides against a shower. Maybe he wants Jack to notice.

He wants Jack to notice him.

He slips under the covers behind his back and wraps one arm around his midsection. Jack's body twitches, but stays unconscious. Brock stares at the back of his neck, his eyes stinging. He doesn't fall asleep again.

Usually, Brock would get up before Jack to go on a morning run. Ever since Jack stopped touching him, he's been pushing himself more and more. Maybe he's started slacking off, maybe he wasn't fit enough.

Maybe he was getting too old.

He ran longer, spent more hours at the gym, ate healthier. He has basically no body fat anymore. Jack still is more interested in sleeping than sex, and mumbles something about a headache before Brock has a chance to initiate intimacy. He claims he's overworked, but Brock's his superior; he knows Jack doesn't work harder than usual.

Brock lies still as the alarm goes out and makes Jack stir. He watches him pat around for his phone blindly, wondering if he has someone on the side. There should be other signs; secret texts, calls, and meetings. Brock would stay up at night, wondering where his boyfriend was. But Jack always comes straight home after work and doesn't guard his phone like a dragon guards its treasure.

It's not somebody else. It's just Brock who lost his appeal.

Jack turns onto his side to face him. His sleepy smile breaks Brock's heart.

"Hello," he rasps. "We're sleeping in today?"

"You know we can't." Brock rests a hand on his hip. It's so easy to act like nothing's wrong.

"Too bad." Jack covers his yawn with the back of his hand. "I could sleep forever."

"You have been sleeping forever."

Brock gets up and hurries to the bathroom without giving Jack a chance to respond. In the light of the morning, a fight is the least desirable thing.

It's so easy to act like nothing's wrong.

They have lunch together, and Jack asks if everything's alright. He makes more excuses for his tiredness, and Brock lies that he gets it. It's wrong, he knows, but his thin-walled office isn't a good place to discuss their relationship problems.

Jack spends the rest of his workday holed up in his office, and Brock runs into John in a corridor. His smirk makes his body light up, and they end up fooling around in the armory like a pair of hormonal teenagers. Brock lets his common sense turn off in the heat of the moment, lets his yearning, starved body decide for him. It's not John's hands and mouth it wants, it's Jack's, but a dick is a dick, and John's a good--and willing--substitute.

"You're truly evil," John comments after all is done, and he's zipping up his pants.

Brock hesitates for a moment, taken aback by it. He bends over to do his boots before he snarls, "You don't know what I'm going through."

John huffs out a laugh of disbelief. "What you're going through? Your boyfriend's struggling with cancer, and you're fucking around behind his back. But sure, you have it worse." He laughs again. "Not that I'm complaining."

Brock's blood turns to ice at the word 'cancer'. Slowly, he straightens up. "What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Don't act like you don't know. If Lee could dig up his medical history, so could you. Fuck, you could just ask for it as his superior." John's smirk fades. "Fuck, don't tell me everyone knows but you."

Brock can't leave the armory fast enough.

He spends a few hours in the car, bracing himself to face Jack.

John didn't lie; Brock requested access to Jack's medical history and got it the same day. Advanced lung cancer that has spread to his stomach. A death sentence, as far as Brock's concerned.

He doesn't know how to tell him he knows and figures Jack had no idea either. He doesn't know how to look him in the eyes and tell him he loves him without thinking how good John's dick fucking him felt.

He rolls down the window and pukes on the driveway.

When he finally forces his body to enter their home, he finds Jack asleep in the bedroom. Of course he's been so tired; Brock can't imagine how hard it must have been to hide all the pain and other symptoms, to keep a smile on his face around Brock and act like everything was alright. For the first time in a while, Brock takes a good look at him and finally notices the weight he's lost, how his hair thinned, how pale and tired he looks.

It's never been Brock Jack had a problem with, but he's been too self-centered to notice his boyfriend's terminal illness. Jack deserves so much better. Brock wishes he was a better man, but he's never been a particularly good one, and Jack knows that.

He joins him in bed and holds him close through the night.

Yet again, he stays in bed until Jack wakes. Jack's surprised, but glad to see him.

"What happened to your morning runs?"

Brock looks at him seriously. "I know about your cancer."

Jack's mask falls within a second, and Brock finally sees what he's been hiding behind it. Pain. Exhaustion. Despair.

"Oh," he says. Then he nods. "Good."

They stare at each other quietly for a while before Jack breaks the silence again.

"I didn't know how to tell you."

Brock sighs. "I know, sweetheart. It's alright."

"What now?"

Brock shrugs. "Wanna sleep in?"

Jack nods and crawls into Brock's open arms. Brock can feel his tears on his neck. He doesn't cry himself. Maybe it hasn't truly hit him yet.

He gives Jack a vacation, but needs to head to work himself. He stays three hours at the gym after out of habit. It's already dark outside when he leaves the Triskelion. He doesn't expect to run into John in the parking lot, but when he's invited to his home, he tells him to fuck off without a second thought.

He expects Jack to be asleep when he returns home, so he's surprised to see the lights on in the living room. Jack's sitting on the couch with his phone in his hands, and Brock's instantly alarmed at how red his eyes are.

"Jack?"

Jack looks up, a fresh sheen of tears covering his eyes, and Brock's widely unprepared for the disgust aimed at him.

"Care to explain this?"

Jack raises his phone to show him a picture of him getting fucked from behind t5hat Brock had no idea existed. Brock's heart stops.

"There's more," Jack continues angrily, swiping through the pictures. "There's you with somebody's dick in your mouth in what I believe is SHIELD's armory, and you--"

"I can explain."

Brock immediately regrets his words, because there's no explanation he can offer that doesn't end with Jack kicking his face in. But Jack goes quiet and watches him intently, waiting to see what he has to say. Brock sighs.

"I didn't know about the cancer when it happened," he says. "You acted like you weren't interested in me anymore, so I went for someone who was."

Jack's eyes go from burning to icy anger. "So it's my fault?"

"No! No. It's mine. I fucked up. I know I did. I'm sorry, Jackie." Brock winces at how lame his apology is, but he doesn't have a better one.

Jack sighs shakily, and Brock watches him put the phone away in a tense silence. His shoulders drop, and he wipes his eyes before his tears can fall. When he looks up at Brock again, his face is unreadable, masked.

"Do you know what I see when I look at you now?"

Brock nods stiffly; those pictures are burned behind his eyelids as well. The tangible evidence of his betrayal that can no longer be hidden and forgotten.

"I can't stand it," Jack continues. "Please, leave."

"Okay," Brock lets out, his breath still trapped in his lungs making his chest hurt. "I'll stay in a motel. I'll give you the address so you can check for yourself."

"I don't care where you go."

Brock can only hope it's a lie.

"I really am sorry, Jackie. I didn't mean to cheat. It just..." He winces again and doesn't finish. Anything he can say will only make it worse for him. "Please let me know when you're ready to see me again."

Jack simply nods, curled on the couch with his gaze fixed on his knees. Brock leaves with what he has on himself, hoping to come back soon.

As he drives through the city, he has to talk himself out of going straight to John and murdering the motherfucker. He preyed on Brock when he was vulnerable and hurt them both in the end.

No, Brock shakes his head at himself, John wasn't the one who hurt Jack. He only brought out the monster Brock has always known he is.

#hydra husbands #my writing #amow march madness #amowmm.bb2 #betrayal #jack rollins #brock rumlow #john garrett

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despaired-hcs · 4 years

Note

May I request for Kokichi’s s/o giving him affection and love when he’s sad. Like he’s good at hiding his emotions, but s/o would piece everything that happened in the day and would come to the conclusion that he needs love, especially when most of the characters don’t treat him kindly. So she goes to him, and nonchalantly hugs his back, kiss his face for “no reason”, talk about how much he means to her, and more loving stuff to make him feel better. We stan for Kokichi having a better mentality

We stan for Kokichi having a better mentality indeed

Word count: 1194

A/N: I loved this request and maybe that’s why it got kinda big hehe. Kokichi def acts like a tsundere when it comes to intimacy, always denying his feelings and trying to push you away because he’s just so used to being alone. I wrote this like reader and Kokichi aren’t in a relationship but have something going on. I hope you like it!

————————————————————

Kokichi is certain everyone hates and despise him.

He can see it in their eyes as he enters the room and everyone’s stare demand him to leave immediately, like he doesn’t belong there; He can hear it in the quiet whispers they exchange when he decides to say and force his presence into them; And, above all, he can feel it. Like an obscure shadow engulfing him as he finally walks away under the judgmental eyes of his colleagues.

Well, that’s what he wanted, right? To be the villain they needed so much. The one they’d blame and throw the rocks at when things got rough. He’s the hero covered with lies and sins, about to sacrifice himself for his fellow friends.

But, now, here he is: looking at the bubbly water in the sink of the empty kitchen like it was about to tell him a joke. Or a secret. Or just some random fact. Anything. The bubbles could tell him literally anything they wanted and he would be grateful, willing to keep the conversation forever.

Because Kokichi feels alone. He feels like suffocating during the nighttime, the quietness being too loud inside his own dark room. Kokichi learned the hard way that being alone with his own thoughts wasn’t really a good idea, especially not for so long. He thought he could do it, he thought he could do anything he wanted. He’s the Supreme Leader, after all.

But it just hurts too much.

The short boy sighs in annoyance, rolling his eyes at the stupid bubbles that couldn’t even start a conversation. He’s about to turn his back to the white sink, but the feeling of two hands slowly caressing his torso makes him freeze in the spot.

The air scapes from Kokichi’s lungs as he sees two arms gently wrapping his chest and his knees tremble at the soft squeeze that follow. He instinctively leans against the warm chest pressing his back, closing his eyes to take in the sweet sensation.

“Are you okay?” Your worried voice sends shivers down his spine and he gulps. “You have been by the sink for quite some time now.”

You speak each word with so much attention and care, it makes his heart flutter and blood rise to his pale face. Kokichi had never been so grateful for you not looking him in the eyes, otherwise he’d have to create a hundred lies to explain his flushed cheeks.

“I was making sure Gonta didn’t leave any bugs in the sugar bowl.” He quickly lies, too distracted by the feeling of your fingers brushing his abdomen to think about a better excuse.

You chuckle against his head at the obvious lie but doesn’t point it out, which he’s very thankful for. Instead, your beautiful arms hug him a little bit tighter as your lips gently kiss his left temple. “You’re so attentive.”

His purple eyes wide at the compliment and he gasps quietly in your grip, almost offended by the words. Why are you like this? He tries to ignore your kind words and open guard, but you always get him like this in the end: slowly melting in your arms, his heart beating one mile per second and his cheeks gradually turning pink. In your embrace he finds peace like nowhere else and how come you never take advantage of it? You just… comfort him without asking a question.

And it’s regrettably exciting.

Kokichi grabs both your hands and remove them from his chest to prevent you from feeling his increased heartbeats, almost regretting it the moment your touch leaves his body. How do you make this to him?

“Or maybe I was putting the bugs myself, nishishi~” He turns around to show you his devilish smirk, hoping it would be enough to make you go away.

He shouldn’t have done it. Now he can see your bright eyes curving as you smile at him, stealing his breath away once again. You seem to notice his reaction as your gaze falls to his lips slowly dropping his smirk and he curses mentally. His mind starts combining words that’ll surely make you turn his back to him.

“I trust you.” You say the moment he opens his mouth. Kokichi feels his palms sweating as he blinks at you. “And I know you don’t mean harm, you’re not like that.”

A small, tender smile adorns your gracious face as you brush one lock of his purple hair away from his eyes. “You’re important too, y’know?”

For a moment, Kokichi can’t think straight. Your eyes, your smile, the way your slender, soft finger traces the lines of his face and the closeness between you two… it’s too much. He is supposed to be hated, insulted and left alone. He’s a disgrace, a lie walking in two legs and pretending to be a person. He’s a monster.

But the press of your lips on his forehead tells him otherwise. His eyes flutter shut as your attentive hands cup his face and his trembling ones grip your waist weakly. You proceed to kiss his cheekbones with the same tenderness as before, making him sigh audible in return.

It is almost overwhelming the amount of care you manage to put in each kiss, and Kokichi wouldn’t mind drowning in it. His ego is long forgotten as you cover every inch of his face with soft kisses, your lips wet with some of the tears that escaped from between his eyelids without his consent. Nose, temples, cheeks, jawline and eyelids: your angelic lips reassure your words with each touch.

But then your mouth leaves his face and all he can feel is your tangled hands caressing his scalp just the way he likes, giving him goosebumps. Hesitantly, Kokichi opens his puffy, red eyes to you and a smirk forms on his lips at the closeness of your face. You’re looking at him, only him.

It feels amazing.

Suddenly, he isn’t afraid of you or your intimacy anymore. His boldness comes back to him and he cups your face with one hand, bringing your lips to finally touch where he wanted the most. The distance between you two is closed as his mouth covers yours in a long, soft peck. Kokichi practically purrs in satisfaction when you turn your head to one side and deepens the kiss, seeking more of him as your fingers tug some of his hair.

He sucks on your lower lip, his teeth brushing lightly against it as he pulls away to look at you again. He wants - needs - to see your reaction. A frown, tears or an insult… he is ready for any of this. But what you show him are enamored eyes and an excited smile. His heart skips a beat at the sight of it.

“Come with me?” You ask softly.

And at this moment, when Kokichi grabs your hand and allows you to take him away, he just knows: his plan didn’t work and he isn’t hated by everyone. He didn’t become the villain just yet. One person escaped from his manipulations and wrapped him around their little finger.

You never cease to unmask him, to see behind his lies. You’re always looking at him. And the worst part is that you don’t even know how much it affects him, how weak he gets when you act so affectionate towards him.That’s exactly what he fears but also loves about you.

Having someone caring and cheering for him… Kokichi may one day get used to it.

#danganronpa v3 #danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa imagine #danganronpa v3 x reader #danganronpa v3 imagine #kokichi oma #kokichi oma x reader #kokichi oma imagine #kokikchi #kokichi x reader #kokichi x reader imagine #request #my writing

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milknette · 4 years

Text

day 11 - star-crossed lovers

if my love was just a curse, then i have only tears to shed.

tumblr month: @auyeahaugust

links: ao3 | ff.net

"PLEASE, dearest, tell me the truth."

Marinette doesn't even look up as he speaks, his voice echoing from the otherwise empty dungeon.

"For what reason?" She asks, instead. "It seems you've chosen your side." Marinette spares him a passing glance, and it's so cold he almost takes a step back. "Who to believe."

"I was given no other choice!" He argues, holding almost desperately onto the bars that prevented him from holding her directly. "Lila is trusted by the people— trusted by my father, even! She's—"

"The divine messenger," Marinette finishes for him, though her tone drips of venom and nothing of the kindness he had known from her prior. Had he truly been fooled? "The woman who claims to speak directly to God." She laughs to herself; bitterly, almost angrily. "And yet it is I who is considered the heretic."

At that point, Marinette keeps eye contact.

Her stare is sharp and icy; the warm ocean blue he had familiarized himself with nowhere to be seen.

"How foolish."

Adrien grips the bars tighter. "Then tell me she's wrong," he pleads. "Tell me that you hadn't… that you're not…"

"Not what?" Marinette asks, voice almost terrifyingly devoid of emotion. "Tell me, dearest, what crime you've accused me of." She rages with quiet ferocity. "Tell me what I've done that justifies being treated like a monster." Her tone borders on cruel. "Say it."

They stare at each other, neither willing to back down. Accusing her outright, he knows, means that there's no turning back. There's a finality that comes with speaking it aloud— a finality that quite clearly meant that whatever they had with each other (if anything) is over.

So, Adrien ends it.

"That you've enchanted me to fall in love with you."

The words hang in the air, becoming much heavier when said aloud. He continues, quiet. "That I've been cursed to give my heart to a witch."

Marinette's strangely silent.

Then, almost vulnerable, she asks it:

"Was the possibility of you loving me so outlandish that only a curse could make it so?"

For a moment, he almost sees his Marinette; kind, loving, honest, and who he had loved so purely.

"Do you despise me?"

The 'no' escapes his mouth before he can even register it, shocking both of them.

Adrien knows he should hate her; loathe her for the sins she's committed to the kingdom— to him.

But he also knows confidently that his feelings are the complete opposite.

The only question that remains is whether that feeling of love to her is genuine.

He sighs, dropping down to his knees. He leans his head against the prison bars, exhausted. "I could never despise you," Adrien mutters, almost as if he were saying it to himself. "And that's the problem."

"Adrien, I—"

Then he faces forward, staring directly at her. "And you misunderstood," he starts. "I never believed the curse because I could never love you."

He smiles, though all he can really feel is the crushing sadness that threatens to bury himself whole.

"I believed the curse because I never knew I could love someone that much."

The silence is deafening.

Then, a single tear rolling down a cheek.

And in a moment, it becomes an overwhelming torrent of them.

Marinette finally breaks down, collapsing onto the floor as her body's wracked with sobs.

Adrien's never wished so terribly that he had some cataclysmic power to destroy the cell holding her hostage, and to hold her in his arms.

So instead he watches, almost helplessly, as she puts herself back together.

It only takes a moment.

(She never did make it his business to see her vulnerable; Marinette believed it to be the most intense form of intimacy, and she had always been too scared to take that step.

Now he knew her fears weren't unfounded at all.)

"I'm sorry," she finally says, after what seems like an eternity. "I had never meant… for any of this to happen."

He laughs lightly. "I don't think anyone could have expected this outcome," he says. "I'd have thought our story would finish with a completely different ending, really."

Marinette smiles, wiping her cheeks with a tattered cloak. "And what would that be?"

"The palace," Adrien hums. "I take over my father, and rule on my rightful place as king."

"How wonderful." She says, features softening. "Though I do recall you saying this was our story? How would I fit in?"

"Every king needs his queen."

"Perhaps Lila can fill that role."

They both share a laugh.

"No… only one person can fill that role, truly." Adrien stares at her, almost nervous, as he speaks up. "And that woman—"

"— is someone you'll find someday," Marinette interrupts, before standing back up. "Whoever she is, I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have someone so lovely by her side."

Marinette cups his cheeks, and the warmth that spreads throughout his body only yells his deepest desires:

How could this be evil?

She smiles, then presses a kiss to his forehead.

"I now release you from this curse, Prince Adrien of the Agreste Kingdom," Marinette begins. "Now live and love freely, without this monstrous witch to hold you back."

"Wait, Marinette—"

"There he is!"

Lila comes bursting through the entrance to the dungeon, a string of guards on her trail.

She immediately runs to him, almost yanking him away from her cell.

"My dearest prince," Lila cries, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I've been so worried! I've prayed and spoken with God, who by His gracious heart, has told me where you've been kept captive."

A snort.

The nun seethes at that sound, suddenly turning to face Marinette, eyes glassy with anger. "And you!" She growls, walking forward to roughly grab Marinette by her dress' collar; almost strangling the girl as she's held up. "Release Adrien from his curse, you damned witch—"

"Lila, stop!" Adrien pulls her away, allowing Marinette to be thrown back; coughing and breathing deeply as she falls to the floor. "There's no need to be cruel."

She glares at Marinette, before letting go.

"Fine." Lila says, though the lack of remorse on her expression is evident. She reaches upward and holds the cross on her necklace, rubbing it almost too intensely. "I'm confident that the Lord will pass upon her fair judgment."

At that she latches on to Adrien, then grins. "Now come with me, I have some great rituals to help remove the horrid stench of that witch from you."

He only nods, silent, as he's led upstairs.

He turns back.

"Goodbye, Marinette."

It physically hurts him to see her smile.

"Goodbye, Prince Adrien."

"Marinette, you are henceforth being trialled as a witch. What say you to this claim?"

"If it is a sin to love, then I will gladly admit I am guilty of it."

"Then we shall take that as your acceptance of the accusation. Prince Adrien, as the victim, what say you?"

"..."

"Prince Adrien?"

"..."

"See, he is clearly under the spell of this witch! We must kill her now to free him! Do it now!"

"Here, here!"

"No…"

"Kill the witch!"

"Wait…"

"Burn her at the stake!"

"... Don't!"

Screams, fire, a vision of black, then—

Nothing.

She's gone.

A dark red scarf flying in the wind.

A hand outstretched, grabbing it from the air.

A woman, running over.

A man, falling in love.

Between them, something is lit.

It begins the same way it ends.

In flames.

#auyeah2020 #mlauyeahaugust2020 #auyeahaugust #auyeah august #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #lila rossi #lila rossi salt #??#adrinette #but make it angsty #ml #miraculous ladybug #milk writes #ml fic #ml fanfic

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thequarantinejjbablog · 4 years

Note

hi!!!can i get the whole emoji alphabet for fugo please🥺🥺💓i love your work💖💖

Omg my dude, fuck that’s a lot of emojis, alright errrrr here goes. I prefer to warn you though, some of those questions overlap a bit so I might repeat myself a few times. Under the cut because this is LONG and it took me forever and I’m not doing anything like that ever again, ahah.

From this list. (Still accepting)

❤️ Are they romantic?

Y e s . The man is a very classic romantic, that’s how he was raised and that’s how he thinks he should treat his s/o. With time, he will learn to “personalize” a bit more your dates for something he knows you would both enjoy but as long as he is not absolutely sure of your tastes, he will stick to Romanticism 101. He will always make sure to keep some time to share between the two of you, even when his schedule gets really busy.

🧡 How do they confess that they like someone?

You will absolutely see it coming. He will court you and it will be very obvious, so when he finally confirms his feelings with his words, well, that’s all it is, a confirmation, because unless you’re very oblivious, you would already feel very loved or at least cared for before that.

💛 Do they drop hints that they like someone and what are they?

Fugo is not subtle at all. Remember that scene where he tells Bruno he wanted to offer pasta to Narancia? He didn’t learn any better even since then. He is going to go from acting like a friend and spending time with you to just straight up ask you on a very romantic date. There won’t be any mistaking his intentions, he is going to court you.

💚 What’s their type?

Fugo enjoys long and interesting conversations, so he is naturally attracted to people who can hold their own in a debate and are open-minded, so it might be a bit hard for someone a bit shy to catch his attention. However, he needs someone patient with him and his outbursts, someone who won’t be afraid to call him out on his bullshit but is cool-headed enough to not let anything escalate. Other than that, I think he would really appreciate someone romantic and caring.

💙 What is their perfect date?

He wants to talk to you, have deep conversations and get to know you better, so any romantic places he can do that is good. He enjoys taking you to the best restaurants in Naples, before finishing the date home, snuggling and probably making out. Expect to be spoiled though, he often tries to find some kind of small present to give you.

💜 What’s their favorite kind of gift?

Fugo loves books, and in general anything that can stimulate his brain. In general, anything that proved that you were paying attention to what he was saying and that you’re listening to him? He loves it. But in general, any gift you could give him means you thought of him and he will love it.

🎁 What gift would they get their s/o?

The classics at first, anything that he knows he is going to have a greater chance to please anyone. For example, for flowers he will go for roses at first, and then change when he learns you have another favorite. He loves the idea of offering you jewelry too if he sees you’re wearing some or if he finds something that would fit nicely some clothes you have. He always hopes to see you wearing them, it’s like a physical proof you accepted his love.

🖤 Do they enjoy loving or being loved?

He is... not used to it. Love is very new to him in general. His parents were far from loving or caring, and after that the only form of family he has ever had was Bruno’s gang so it’s not the same. Being in love is confused and scary, but he will see that he loves that really much. Being loved is another new thing and even if it might take some time before being completely comfortable with it, he is enjoying it very much too.

💔 How do you break their heart?

This one is easy, by losing patience with him. Not just snapping at him, but also by being tired of waiting for him to heal and to get over whatever issues he has. It breaks his heart because he knows that deep down, he can’t blame you, he is asking a lot from you and you’re in your right to be tired of it. If he is the one who snaps at you then by all means fight back and don’t let him treat you badly, but he needs people to forgive him for his outbursts after, when he apologizes.

❣️ What makes them blush/gets their heart pounding?

Answered here already, but some extra.

He is quite good at managing his emotions - with the very clear exception of his anger so you’ll need to step up your game a little bit if you want to make him blush. Squeeze his ass discreetly in public, or whisper something naughty in his ear or what you’re wearing under your clothes, that should get him but except repercussions once you’re alone.

💕 Their future goals in a relationship? How far do they want to take it?

The strawberry boy isn’t interested in one-night stand or any temporary relationship. He takes too much time to fall in love, so when he does, that means he is genuinely considering spending his life with that person. If your relationship survives the first stages (which will be the hardest with Fugo), then he is here for the long run and he is going to work very hard to keep that relationship.

💞 How do you win their heart?

By spending time with him, having interesting conversations, and having some patience. Fugo is very smart and he needs that intellectual stimulation in his life, if he has someone he can talk about anything, who gives him a different point of view on topics, and in general by being passionate about something, he will seek their company more and more. His crush will appear later, once he feels comfortable and at ease, and he will realize he wants to get to know them better on a personal level.

💓 How do they act when they realize they’re in love/have a crush?

Quite awkward at first, and a bit... stiff? Fugo had a very classic education, so he won’t know how to be smooth. He might beat about the bush for some time before very bluntly ask his out for a very classic date, like a romantic restaurant or something of the sort. It will probably come out of absolutely nowhere, with no relation at all with the topic you were talking about.

💗 How do they show affection?

Fugo likes very classic romanticism. He will do everything there is in the textbook, so restaurants, flowers, chocolates, jewelry, bringing you to romantic places, that kind of things. He enjoys spoiling you a lot and it’s the easiest for him to show his affection. They very often come with declaration of love, who can be anywhere from very simple or very poetic. He tries to avoid being cheesy but sometimes, it just can’t be helped.

💖 Do they like PDA or are they a private person?

He doesn’t mind PDA, as long as it’s not too much. He will hold your hand, link arms with you, wrap an arm around your waist or your shoulder, give you a couple of chaste kisses on your lips, face or back of the hand. If you’re about to go on your own way and saying goodbye, he might hug you, but that’s as far as he’ll go.

💘 Do they take the time to learn more about their crush by talking/asking or observing?

For Fugo to fall in love, he needs to know them first. So chances are, he will already quite know a lot of things about them before starting to grow a crush, and that will be mostly by talking a lot with them about everything. Are they passionate about something? He wants to know more about it, even just for sheer curiosity. Once the crush is here though, he will start noticing the little things, like their favorite ice cream flavor, the sparks in their eyes when they smile, or the color of their skin in the morning sun.

💝 Are they more likely to fall for someone if they’re friends first?

It’s actually mandatory. Fugo is way too guarded to fall for someone he doesn’t know very well. He doesn’t trust strangers easily and though he won’t be outright aggressive or an asshole about it, he is going to be very mistrustful for some time. Then, friendship will come slowly as they spend more time together, especially if they’re someone interesting and enjoy talking about any kind of topics too!

❌ Are they scared of being in love?

He is scared of being vulnerable. The man has issues with intimacy and he knows he will need someone patient and understanding to accept waiting for him and helping him overcoming all of them. So yes, he is afraid of falling in love, because he knows there are higher risks of them leaving him and breaking his heart than with anyone else. What if they lose patience? What if they decide it’s too much for him? What if he asks too much of them? What if he realizes he will never be able to get over his past? Those are terrifying thoughts.

🔍 Do they ask for advice or just deal with their crush on their own?

It might depends on the situation itself. If it’s simple (you’re friends, everything is alright), then he will deal with it on his own unless someone like Bruno gently starts the conversation about it. In this case, he might open up and confess his confusing feelings to him. However, if the situation is more complicated (you’re in a rival gang, you don’t know he is working for Passione, you’re already in a relationship, etc.) then he might go to Bruno to ask for help.

♒️ Do they end up checking to see if their signs are compatible? Or maybe do they do ‘love-tests’ (enter in your name and see if you’re meant for each other kind of thing)

Absolutely not. Fugo understands that they can be fun, but he is not going to let some stars or papers tell him if you’re meant to be or not. He will bluntly refuse to do any of them if you’re not together yet and will get mad if his teammates tease him about it or do it for him “just to check”. If you’re already together and you insist, he might concede and do a couple to please you, but it’s really because he loves you so much.

🎇 Are the feelings they have like a whirlwind or are they able to keep it under control?

Well, we all know Fugo needs anger management classes, so he is very bad at keeping control over that, especially if your safety or well-being are in line. But! He is very slowly getting better at that, thanks to maturity and the patience and understanding of his gang and s/o. It also means he is very good at controlling his other emotions who are much less violent.

⭐️ Do they believe that soulmates exist?

Not really, no. As much as he is a romantic, he thinks love takes effort and commitment, it’s not as easy as finding a soulmate and hoping it’ll never go away. He might even say that the notion of soulmates can be quite dangerous because people tend to think everything will be alright when they should do something about it.

🌹 Are they likely to say ‘I love you’ first?

He will say I love you when he is ready, regardless of his s/o says it first or not. He is not going to hide his feeling until they say it first, but he is not going to say it back if he feels he is not ready to or if he is still unsure. So, it all depends on the partner! If they’re the kind of people to wait until the other says it first; then Fugo will be the first, but if they’re sure of their feelings before him, then they might say it first.

🌸 How often do they say ‘I love you’?

Very often, surprisingly (or not). Once he said I love you for the first time and his partner said it back, then he has no problem repeating it every time they roll in the sheet, before leaving for work, or whispering it against their lips after a kiss. More than just words though, he does his best to show it through his actions too, with regular dates, gifts, and thoughtful gestures.

💐 Do they enjoy giving compliments or do they like getting them more? What kind of compliments do they give/like?

He clearly prefers giving them, and doesn’t quite know how to react when he is receiving them. The only exception to that is when you praise his intellect or how quickly he can learn something, and then the boy will blush madly and look away, telling you it’s no big deal really. On his s/o, he is going to compliment the hell out of them, how beautiful they are, how smart, how amazing, how soft, anything they might like, he won’t hesitate.

🌺 Do they like to tease their significant other?

Maybe very gently with private jokes you two share, but nothing more. You mispronounced the name of an artist? He is going to use that name now, that kind of things. Though he can be soft, he is more of a serious individual and he would never risk embarrassing you in public so he keeps it behind closed door.

🍀 What’s their love language?

Quality time spent talking about anything you want, and a lot of romantic gifts mostly. The man wants to spoil you and show you he thinks about you every day of his life. He is a little bit more touchy in private, letting his hands linger on the small of your back or your thighs, and he might steal more kisses when he knows you’re alone too.

🌼 How do they view their significant other? Are they the light in their life? Best friend? Savior, etc.?

Considering how Fugo struggles to open up emotionally to other people, his s/o is probably also his best friend. He needs to feel like he can talk to them about anything without fearing to be judged even if he is wrong. His s/o is someone very precious to him, he knows he is not the easiest man to be with and he asked a lot of them in the beginning of their relationship, and he will be forever grateful of that.

🥀 How do they act when falling out of love?

Oh, he is going to fight like hell against it. Fugo didn’t get in a relationship with someone to just give up when, for whatever reason, love starts to disappear. He will try very hard to fall back in love with them, by any mean necessary (more dates, spending more time together, trying something new, going on a holiday, anything). If his s/o is feeling the same then he will try to recover their love, but he needs to feel like his s/o is trying the same too. Even if he stops seeing the stars in his s/o’s eyes, he is willing to wait and keep looking until he sees them again.

🌻 Will they do anything for their s/o? Will the crocodile tears win them over or are they stubborn on not giving in?

Fugo is a reasonable man, and there are many things he will accept to do for his s/o if it can make them happy though he doesn’t see the point. However, if it’s a real point of friction, then he can be quite the stubborn man and refuse to give in. He will feel terrible if he sees his s/o cry and he will try to comfort them and explain his point, but if it doesn’t work, then they both might need some time to cool down and give up the topic for now.

💋 How do they kiss?

Your first kisses are hesitant and nervous. Fugo doesn’t really know what he is going and he is stressing a lot over doing something wrong, but he tries to act confident and might be... a little too aggressive? He will soon learn to calm down and take things slower. After that, his everyday kisses are slow and very tender, with his hand often going to cup your cheek.

👁 What’s their favorite part of their s/o?

Their brain. Fugo is more attracted to their personality and their views on the world rather than their body. However, if he had to choose he would probably go for their ass and their legs. His mind might shortcut for a few second if he sees them wearing heels or stockings or even just nicely fit pants. He is a little bit ashamed of saying it, but he loves how his partner’s ass fits in his hand and when he can give it a very nice squeeze.

👀 Are they protective?

Answered here already, but some extra.

He loves his teammates like they are his family, but he won’t be afraid of starting a fight with them either if he sees they’re being too friendly with you too. They all know it and they think it’s a lot of fun to poke him so they always make sure to spend extra time with you to piss him off and get him all worked up. Though it’s always all in good fun, Bruno had to intervene a couple of time to calm everybody down.

🤧 How far will they go to take care of their sick s/o?

He is a good boyfriend and he will do anything he can, even if he has to learn new skills for it. If he is not confident enough he might ask for help and/or advice if he is out of his depth. If the illness is serious, he will read about it as much as possible and do whatever he can to help. If his s/o is contagious he will try to avoid catching it by washing his hands and being careful why spending time with them because he doesn’t want to be sick at same time or make them take care of him when they feel better.

☠️ How do they react when they find out their s/o is dead?

Absolute and pure rage. The man will go berserk and if there’s no one to stop him, then he might even kill innocent people, both with his Stand and his bare hands. Hell, he might even hurt his s/o’s body trying to shake them awake or clinging to them. Fugo will need to be stopped. Once he wakes up from his blind rage, he will feel so empty. He will cry for the first hours, but he won’t even be able to bring himself to regret what he did, the pain is just too great to be overshadowed by anything else. He will drown in depression and be an empty shell for a long time. He might recover, but he will never be the same, probably getting a very destructive behavior.

🥳 How do they cheer their s/o up when they’re down?

It will depend a lot of the s/o and why they’re feeling down. In general, he will try to take their mind of things, suggesting a couple of activities they could do together to make their brain focus on anything else. If they need to vent or any kind of support he is there to listen to them of course, and if it’s something he can help with or a problem he can solve, he will immediately offer his help.

😱 What makes them worry about their s/o the most?

Fugo is a member of Passione, so their safety is his primary concern. He very well knows they could be in danger at any moment because of him, either to check if they know any information, or to use them as bait or hostage or blackmail against him, or simply as a revenge tool to make him suffer. This is why he is very careful and protective of his s/o. He is also very concerned about their health, especially if his s/o has bad habits (like smocking or drinking or anything of the sort).

🥰 How often do they stare lovingly at their s/o?

A lot. He is not quite happy about it because sometimes he will lose track of the conversation because he is too focused on his s/o lips or face because of how beautiful they are and how much he loves them. He will blush madly when he snaps out of it and he will be very apologetic because he doesn’t want his s/o to think he is not interested in what they’re saying.

😎 How do they impress their s/o?

It all depends on the s/o and their personality, but there are two choices really depending on what works best on them: either very romantic demonstrations of love (a weekend for two in Venice, huge bouquets of flowers, presents like jewelry or chocolate, the best restaurants in Naples, etc.) or just flexing his knowledge and/or his intelligence. Not in a smartass way, but if he sees there’s any topic they’re interested in and he knows about that? He is going to flex it. If the s/o knows more about it though, he will ask a lot of questions. And if it’s a topic you two share, then he will try to start interesting debates to oppose ideas.

😆 How do they make their s/o laugh?

He is not the best at making people laugh because he is quite the serious individual, but he will try to share fun stories he knows about anything, or simply fun facts, like that time a general won a battle against ships by charging them with horses (the water froze during the night, they made a whole strategy around it). Otherwise, I’m afraid he’ll have to suggest watching some comedy on TV.

🏵 Do they enjoy Valentine’s Day?

YES. Favorite holiday. It’s the perfect excuse to go all out for his s/o. Everything they love, they get. Favorite restaurant, favorite flowers, favorite chocolate, candlelight, bath with rose petals, several gifts through the day, passionate night, e v e r y t h i n g . If for whatever reason he can’t spend Valentine’s Day with his s/o, he will never stop bitching about it for weeks.

🎫 How do they celebrate their s/o’s birthday and how would they like theirs to be celebrated with them?

Their s/o’s birthday is their day, and he will do whatever they want to do. If they like birthday parties, he will try to throw a surprise one, if they prefer spending the whole day home he will be happy to do that with them, etc. He probably bought a dozen of presents for them too. About his own birthday, Fugo wouldn’t like anything too extravagant, sharing a cake and some time with his gang first, and then he wants to spend the whole evening (and a good part of the night) with his s/o.

🎀 Are they likely to fall for someone first or is it the other way around?

It’s a complicate question. Fugo needs time before he can feel emotionally safe enough to be vulnerable and fall in love, that means you’re going to spend a lot of time together and probably be friends first. So, you’re going to have plenty of occasions to fall for him first. However! He won’t return your feelings simply because you have them, and he won’t answer to any flirting if he doesn’t feel safe enough. So... I would say he needs to fall in love on his own terms and make the first step, even if you were the one to get a crush first.

💌 Do they send loving/cutesy texts to their s/o?

Answered here already, but some extra.

If he is reading poetry and any passage makes him think of you, he is going to quote it and send it to you in a text, telling you he misses you. If the poem is too long or if he can’t find a small enough quote, he is just going to tell you he found a poem he really likes and he can’t wait until he can whisper it in your ear.

🔪 Do they try to be a good influence on their s/o or do they not care?

Fugo is not the most patient or delicate man, if he sees a behavior he doesn’t like he is going to be very straight forward with it. Even if he is in the mafia, he still has morals and he won’t accept anything fishy coming from his s/o. It’s the same for bad habits like smocking or drinking, he will try to understand where they come from (are you under a lot of stress? is it just for fun? are you pressured into them?) and depending on if he considers them a good “excuse”, he will be more or less patient with you, but he will try to help and get you to stop.

🎉 Are they a fan of nicknames? Do they prefer cutesy, traditional or silly ones?

Answered here already, but some extra.

He will glare at anyone else using nicknames for you. Excuse me, you’re his s/o and he is the only one allowed to call you like that thank you very much. The only exception to that would be your family calling you something cute, but even if they’re your friends and the nicknames is prior your relationship, he will struggle accepting it.

#Pannacotta Fugo x Reader #JJBA #Pannacotta Fugo #Bucci Gang #Vento Aureo #Part 5 #my writing #Headcanons #Prompt #This took so long omg

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himbo-buckley · 4 years

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INTIMACY, SEX AND BUDDIE (BETTER KNOWN AS I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SHOW, SOME OF WHICH ARE RELATED TO THE BEFORE MENTIONED TOPICS) - Part 3

Well, hello there (again)!

 I got to say, this was both my favourite and least favourite part to write because by now all my theories are (hopefully) explained enough that I can just ramble about the characters and connections and ya’ll will forgive me if I stray away from what’s actually happening in this episode. Which I will do. A lot actually.

On the other hand side I have so many thoughts about what’s happening and this is gonna be long af as I started writing on part three at the same time as I wrote part 1 and 2 and I barely found things to cut, which means we are clocking in at a casual 7700 words. So maybe get that drink now, cause it’ll be a ride!

Also the links to part one and part two

And look, by now you probably know the drill but I’m just gonna give you my preface again:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta will so far have FOUR parts now. The original plan was to do three, one for each Season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along, but due to personal reasons, also known as *feelings*, Season 3 has already exploded disproportionately and for readability reasons I have split it in two (this is part three, the cut will happen after Christmas, it works storyline-wise)

And now, for our next instalment of I read too much into things: Season 3A (also called: „Eddie Diaz, stop being such a boy scout (Wait, no, not like that!)“)

Episode 3.01:

911 as a show has a fairly interesting way of storytelling where it sometimes feels a little like they cut together snapshots of lives in regards to certain topics. And because of that you only ever see a small part of the lives of the characters. That being said: I hate hate hate how 5 months passed between the Season 2 final and the first episode of Season 3 and aside from a few offhand remarks we get virtually nothing. Also it’s very unrealistic that Bobby and Athena didn’t have any parties for 5 months, like nope, I don’t believe you show!

That being said, I appreciate how much time it took Buck to heal because it’s realistic! And also most importantly gets Oliver Stark a chance to truly shine!

I wanna take this chance real quick, to thank the producers and writer both for writing Evan Buckley the way they write him and for casting Oliver Stark to play him because omg, it works so well! Look, Oliver Stark is attractive. He is buff and handsome, but he is not perfect. He is Tinder-buff, not MCU-I haven’t seen a drop of water in a month-buff, he’s the kind of fit that will fill the whole screen one minute and make you say „Wait, I thought he was wider than this!“ the next (you know how everyone always talks about the hips to shoulder ration of Chris Evans? Yeah, the opposite of that) . And he has a really pretty face but his nose is a little too cocked and he has scars and there’s the „adorable facemark“ and he seems so damn dorky which is exactly why Evan „Buck“ Buckley works, why he is hot. And he gets to be emotional and sensitive and caring on top of that and yeah, I don’t know if I wanna be him or date him anymore either. Like he singlehandedly made me rethink my view on dating, just because I am hoping for someone like him.

Anyways, that’s probably something none of you wanted to read about in a META so we’ll get to the juicy stuff now, alright?

One thing that I realised as I watched season 3 for the third time just now is how often it repeats itself. It feels a bit stagnant at times, the way the characters make two steps forward and one step back all the time, most notably in Bobby.

I wanna talk about Bobby for once because you can not look at Buck in Season 3 without looking at Bobby as well. These two characters are connected the same way Buck is connected to Eddie. Most things Buck does character wise in Season 3 are caused by Bobby’s actions, in the same way most of Eddie’s are caused by Buck.

And the thing that 3.01 tells us from the get go? Bobby thinks of Buck as somewhat of a son (which we knew already) and Bobby sees himself in Buck, which is why he does what he probably hoped someone would have done for him the 10 or something years ago when he hurt is back and holds him back. There is also the fact that he tries to teach Buck to have a life outside the firehouse, though that is something he probably should at some point in the near future actually voice to Buck, because Buck on his own can not draw these conclusions from Bobby’s actions. Buck on his own thinks it’s about him not being good enough and so he works himself to the bone to try and proof otherwise. (Someone please just finally tell him what a good boy he is? Yeah?)

As for the scene during the party, you could actually see how much Buck had to force himself to be that open and that vulnerable with Bobby (and not just because he is *literally* having an embolism) and that hurts because to this day Buck has not realised that Bobby will always be there to catch him. Buck still thinks he needs to proof himself to Bobby because of his firing in Season 1. And would you believe I actually cried a little typing these words?

And now I’m gonna talk about my agenda, also known as Buddie real quick, and point you toward the fact that while we have seen Eddie be vulnerable with Buck and Buck be vulnerable with everyone else we have not seen Buck be audibly vulnerable with Eddie and I do not think this is a coincident at all.

Look, Eddie is a guarded guy, right? He has a hard time being vulnerable, a hard time asking for help, a hard time giving up control. But he does all these things with Buck and he does them willingly and with barely an outside push, which is different to say with Bobby. Eddie let’s himself fall with Buck and by doing so raises Buck’s self worth and gives him the feeling of being in control Buck craves so much (while Eddie sort of despises it because he feels like he always has to be the one in control), but it also means that Buck is afraid to let himself fall with Eddie because it might mean Eddie won’t trust him again. Buck generally is a very emotional guy and he doesn’t seem afraid to voice his weaknesses, in fact he is probably too aware of them and too willing to let others poke at them, except with Eddie. With Eddie Buck always tries for strong, because he knows Eddie needs him to be and because he thinks, if he’s not, Eddie will see what everyone else saw and leave him. On Eddie’s side I do think by now he is more than willing to catch Buck and still let himself be caught in return. At least at this point.

(also, if we do ever get Buddie I could see a reverse of the Shannon-Eddie situation happening where Eddie is the one being open and Buck has a hard time being emotionally vulnerable, afraid it’ll scare Eddie off and he’ll leave like everyone else.)

But then, one could also point out that Eddie probably knows all the things going on with Buck anyways because I truly think they know each other inside out and are two feathers of the same bird and same recognises same and all that - it’s just that Buck is someone who needs to actually voice his feelings to deal with them, so unless he voices his vulnerabilities to Eddie, for him, the other guy doesn’t know them. (Except Eddie does know.) (and man, I wish the rest of the 911 would finally figure out that with Buck you always - always - have to say things! You can’t just imply. You can’t think your actions speak loud enough. You need to actually use your words and do so in a way that leaves no doubt because that boy thinks so little of himself and he will make himself doubt every nice thing that ever happens to him.)

Now, moving back to what’s actually happening in the episode and why all of this is important:

We have the very important talk in the Station were text points out some of the things I just said and Eddie realises that he needs to do better, so he pulls a Buck and steamrolls him. (also do we truly believe that Carla was out of the country? Do we? Do we not think Eddie spent the whole ride over coaching his son on lying to his best friend because Eddie is just like that?)

Also I love how before this Maddie is talking to Josh and she says something along the lines of wether she should push Buck or coddle him and it cuts to Eddie trying the first.

On Eddie’s side of this meta we somewhat learn where Eddie’s issues stem from and it’s of course Daddy issues because this show loves them very much. (Seriously, out of 5 firefighters 3 have confirmed absent fathers causing issues and one has it heavily implied. Tim Minear, do you wanna talk?)

Also, Ramon Diaz probably threw in a „real men don’t cry“ with his macho speech about just brushing shit off and thereby emotionally crippling his child further, because he seems cliche like that.

Sidenote: The Buck and Christopher relationship is so beautiful and important and „Some cool outfits, too.“ is one of my favourite lines, though I do have to say - as someone who works professionally with kids - that this is what really shows how much Eddie truly thinks of Buck and how much he trusts him because it’s safe to assume that Buck has never been alone with Christopher or any child for longer and has never had to take care of one by himself and yet Eddie just trusts him to take care of his son for what is probably a 24h shift. Truly magnificent. An unparalleled relationship. So meaningful.

Episode 3.02:

No actual relevance but I do wanna point out that the thing about the mom being the love of boat guys life but her son being her’s? Yeah, that’s Eddie (and Buck).

Also, Buck’s just a natural at being a dad (not because of the fun stuff but the stuff when he knew exactly how to distract Christopher when those bodies floated by) and at some point I need Eddie to point this out to him and I need him to voice his jealousy about it, because Eddie? Not a natural dad.

(I actually think that is something that is true about a lot of things for these two. I mean yes, Buck is a hard worker but I think only in areas he is already naturally gifted (remember that whole thing with the Seals? “You just have to be badass, which I am?”) and he generally doesn’t try if things don’t come naturally because Buck hates failure because Buck already feels like a failure. Meanwhile Eddie seems like the kind of guy who has this huge capacity for learning, so even if something doesn’t come naturally to him (like fatherhood) he has the determination and willingness to try and try again until he finally gets it right and is perfect because Eddie, too, hates failure.) (And now I wanna see more about their childhoods because I could actually see Buck be somewhat of a gifted child in his youth who never learned how to actually apply himself and because of that has always been told he had so much wasted potential while Eddie was either an overarchiver or a slacker, I’m sorry I don’t make the rules. Or maybe I am projecting.)

Episode 3.03:

I read somewhere on tumblr that Ryan Guzman and his wife thought Eddie and Lena would be a thing and where actually on board and I was like? No?

I mean I do love the way she takes one look at him and decides he needs his ego checked (and also Eddie is like: ui, me like-y! (maybe because he misses another person that used to be an asshole to him right off the bat?)).

Also love all the references to Eddie being in the army („The 118 is huffing it“-scene comes to mind). Again, kudos to Ryan Guzman for always acting with all his body, because you can always feel the army training in his posture like the way he usually stands just a little bit straighter than everyone else (well, at least that’s what it looks like to me, someone who has not been in the Army and knows only like two people that got drafted and no one who went willingly, because my country generally doesn’t do that these days ).

As for what is happening in the episode, I think it’s a reference to Shannon that Eddie dealt with that couple that, despite loving each other a lot and getting along fairly well, decided to get divorced. Which is what 911 should have done with Shannon. (Me being salty about Shannon? It’s more likely than you think.)

I also think it’s a nice parallel the way both Lena and Buck are so desperate to search for their missing loved one with no regard for their own safety and I’m assuming Eddie saw Buck in Lena’s actions as well, which is why he trusts her so fast. (Because Eddie just like Buck is looking for connection and intimacy but Eddie is even worse at creating it than Buck, so he just tries to recreate the one working bond he truly has.) (Something actually proven in text by Eddie: becoming a firefighter because he misses the army.)

And I know everyone and their mother has already pointed out how Eddie was not worried about Chris at all because his son was with Buck and he knows Buck would never let anything bad happen to his son ever.

Which is why *that* scene is even more heartbreaking, because Eddie has so much trust in his Buck and kudos to Ryan Guzman because man, the way you see Eddie steel himself for what Buck is saying? The way you can feel him pulling himself together because Buck needs him to hear this. (Look, the scene is about a father learning from the person he trusts most in the world that his son might be dead and they could have easily forshadowed Eddie’s fighting ark by having him react negatively and violently here but instead he stays calm because it’s Buck and Buck for once needs him to be the one in control - also, on a less ship-y note because Eddie’s world is falling apart right there and he needs to keep in control because if he doesn’t, he will probably never be again.)

Which brings us to that scene in the loft, and listen, I know I said at the end of part 2 Eddie barely had any character development in the two seasons since we met him, but uhm, this scene? Proves he had some development, because right then right there he is so fucking vulnerable with Buck. It is of course part of him being a protector because just like with Shannon in 2.04 he realises that this is was Buck needs him to be right now, so vulnerable it is.

I do think however that it’s beautiful how Eddie apparently took the time during a fucking natural disaster to figure out that Evan Buckley needs him to use his actual words, so use his actual words he does.

And I do wanna point out that this is something he never had with Shannon, Eddie was never able to figure out what is wife of what? 7-8 years needed of him but he does know what his best friends needs. And wether that is just Buddie or just plain old character development, remains to be seen.

(Though we should mention that it wasn’t a permanent thing, Eddie does fail Buck a few times in Season 3 (but he also doesn’t a few other times) but we’ll get to that when we get to that!)

Also, honourable mention to Maddie Buckley-Kendall for getting that phone call and probably nearly dying of a heart attack and then having to race to the VA thinking the worst and probably imagining her very selfless brother either being already gone by the time she gets there or close to dead - only to probably arrive there and see Christopher in a bed with Eddie sitting next to him and Buck sitting vigil a few feet away because he doesn’t think he deserves to be with the Diaz’s anymore but he also can’t bear to part from them!

And another mention to the poor stranger who probably never got their phone back.

Also a teeny bit mad they forgot to give Oliver scars on his legs.

Episode 3.04

First of all I gotta say Eddie is such a boy scout goody two shoes with his whole „Well, it’s mandated!“ (also he’s been probably hanging out with Buck a buncha times in whatever many weeks passed since the Tsunami and therefore knew how hard his best friend worked on this and he’s gonna be supportive, kay?)

That being said, remember when I talked about two steps forward, one step back? Yeah, that.

As for the lawsuit, look, we could argue all day on wether it was justified or not, but I personally do think Buck had a basis. But he was also acting rash and hadn’t thought all the implications through and should have used his words instead, but quick reminder: Buck has severe abandonment issues and he has problems with emotional intimacy - so the whole talking about it? Not that easy.

Also, imagine working for months to come back to work, the one thing you think you’re good at and thinking you have everyone’s support only to find out the person you love like a father has betrayed you, probably with the knowledge of everyone else. Yeah, you’d lash out too!

Even though, I have to point out it’s not his normal MO (which is why we see him regret it almost immediately in the next episode).

As for Eddie in this episode, he has not one, not two, not three, but four whole conversations about feelings! You go buddy-boy. Embrace that character development! Don’t take a step back! … or, nevermind, we all know what happens next.

That being said I think it’s interesting that while Chimney clearly confides in him, Eddie does not confide in him in return but rather talks to female!Buck. I mean, talking about his struggles with his son and his family worked with him and Buck so why not with him and Lena (cause Lena isn’t Buck).

I do think Eddie and Chimney are close, but Eddie just doesn’t feel the same connection to him as he feels to Buck.

As for Eddie being so beautifully open and vulnerable with his son and saying like the exact opposite of what he had been taught: Eddie loves his son. He loves his son more than anything in the world. And if Eddie can’t let himself be vulnerable with him, who can he be vulnerable with? Especially when it helps Christopher.

(Also, Eddie by now recognises what is wrong with him, he just doesn’t think he can change it but he can prevent it from happening to his child.)

Episode 3.05:

This episode has a lot of shit happening and I have a lot of thoughts, most of which are relevant to the episode. But we’re gonna start slow, ease you in:

Boy do I love overprotective Dad!Eddie! How long do you think did it took Carla and Christopher to convince Eddie to let Chris sleep over at his friends? A month?

In other news Buck is just the picture of regret during the deposition and yeah, he should be. The whole thing is harsh. Never sue your friends, no matter how justified, if you want them to stay your friends! But it’s so obvious Buck didn’t know it was gonna go down this way because he did not think this through at all.

First off: Remember how in part 2 I said Buck and Eddie’s storylines were connected and how earlier I said Buck was the catalyst for Eddie like Bobby was for Buck?

Yeah, that’s the episode for all of this.

It’s not as obvious as in Season 2 because usually it happens over two episodes but it’s no coincident that after last episode Bobby triggered that shift in Buck, Eddie is now suddenly careering out of control as well - it’s because Buck is his catalyst, his *trigger*.

Please watch 3.04 and 3.05 back to back and tell me Eddie doesn’t make a 180 between those episodes. He goes from worried about his son to punching people in parking lots. What changed? Well, he could no longer talk to Buck. And Buck is his anker and his catalyst, the one person he doesn’t have to be in control with (which he really could use considering what he is going through with Christopher). And when you take that away he spirals. (Also there is the deposition where his best friend betrays him by talking about his dead for less than a year - wife, a topic Eddie has been avoiding in regards to his feelings since … well, the day it happened, probably.)

And I’m not saying the whole street fighting thing wouldn’t have happened if Eddie wasn’t such a boy scout and said, screw the chain of command and just called Buck to bail him out, but that’s what I’m implieing.

Also the scene between Eddie and Lena, I mean, I’ve already talked about it somewhere else but I do wanna point you to the way it is phrased: Eddie „wasn’t allowed“ to call Buck. Meaning he wanted to. But you know: Boy Scout.

Now, let’s talk about the grocery store fight because I have so many thoughts!

And what I love about these two episodes, as well as the next one, is that they show both the connection Buddie has as well as the contrasts between them:

One of the biggest differences in Buddie is how they deal with fear and obstacles and it is visible throughout all their lives and specifically these three episodes.

Evan Buckley is a force of nature, he is a fighter, he sets a goal and he reaches this goal with a single minded focus, steamrolling through everything in his way until he reaches said goal. Just look at the lawsuit and remember how his original plan was to get everyone to sign a letter of support for him.

When something frightens him, Buck doesn’t run away he runs right into it, tries to destroy it or be destroyed. He fights. And if that doesn’t work, he finds a way around the problem, but always going head to head with the thing because Evan Buckley is very determined and very self destructive.

Just look at the way he held onto Abby for nearly a year after she had left: Instead of dealing with his feelings of abandonment and the fact that the woman he loved left him, that boy dug his heel in and fought tooth and nail to keep what little he had left of her, of them. Refused to acknowledge being left for months. And when he finally leaves he literally compares himself to a ghost, because you know, he is just an empty shell at this point.

It’s also why he falls so hard for Ali because he is just desperately looking for something to cling to and so he transfers all those un-dealt feelings onto her and then he get’s hurt and his problems become bigger and different and Ali can’t deal - not surprising considering they had barely a foundation. They just went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds and that just never works out, unless you’re in a very expensive sports car.

I also truly think at times Buck hides behind the loud mouthed, dumb adrenaline junkie persona he got going on as it keeps people from looking deeper, because Buck is very scared they won‘t find anything deeper - or worse, decide they don’t like what they see (and hey, he even got that confirmed by Ali leaving! and Abby! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MADDIE!).

(Which, to push an agenda real quick, is why I ship Buddie so hard? Because they do have a foundation, they have been emotionally intimate with each other, they’ve seen the worst of each other and still went: I’m gonna have your back. And they have pulled a lot of shit on each other in the two years since meeting! Like, I’m sorry 911, I love you, but please never try and tell me they will have a deeper connection with anyone but each other because it’ll be a damn lie and you know it! If you don’t wanna do Buddie, let those boys get emotionally healthy and THEN give them an endgame but don’t try and replace Buddie with Loveinterests. I’m serious. I might stop watching!)

Eddie meanwhile is much more open with his feelings in the sense that he is less open in general so it’s far more noticeable when something is bothering him *because* he is subtle about it. Because Buck is so loud and so open and all about what you see is what you get, you don‘t assume he is hiding anything because you already see everything, right? (Always hide the real shit in plain sight, you guys, that‘s where no one remembers to look!) But Eddie, Eddie keeps his cards close. Sure he is funny and nice but he is also fucking reserved! And when something bothers him he draws into himself even more and that’s something that shows, that people will take notice of.

Eddies reaction to bad things (also known as *feelings*, because that boy is fucking repressed) happening is running away. And I am not saying he is a coward, I am saying he probably thinks he is and I am saying he runs away from his problems - that’s what 3.15 was about for Eddie: embracing his family (his vulnerabilities) and from what I‘ve seen in the last few days floating around in spoiler *now* Eddie has to learn to face his problems and not run away.

Which will be hard because Eddie deflects a lot.

It‘s funny (in a way that is not funny) that Buck, the fighter, is like the least aggressive guy around while Eddie, Mr quiet and reserved, who is all about running away from his problems, is so physically aggressive - except it is not and makes a lot of sense.

Season 3 truly shows how they deal with problems and I love it, I love them and this show so much!

Because Buck deals with the bombing by working tirelessly to come back to work, he deals with losing Christopher by nearly killing himself trying to find him and he deals with his fear of being replaced by filing the lawsuit to get his job back - which is also why I have to agree with Eddie: Buck truly has a one track mind. He sees the problem and nothing else. That makes him an amazing firefighter but an exhausting guy to be around because he does not give up.

I think in canon we only ever see Buck give up twice, maybe three times once with Abby and once with Christopher, both times he nearly killed himself first. (And one could argue that neither of these times he actually gave up, he was just out of options and time.) Tbh the only actual time he gave up was with Ali and that was probably his one track mind just not having any capacity to deal with a girlfriend on top of everything.

Eddie meanwhile deals with his wife dying and his best friend nearly dying twice and his son being traumatised and his best friend not being allowed back to work and his best friend filing that lawsuit by ... not dealing with it. He just moves on. Runs away from his feelings and his pain by fighting. He can’t deal with - can’t fight - his actual feelings so he fights something else. He lashes out. Becomes feral. That’s literally the gist of this episodes voiceover!

So tbh as much as I like that they resolved that lawsuit within one episode I am a bit bummed that we hardly saw anything of the 118 and especially Eddie without Buck there (specifically during his fighting time) mainly because I think we would have seen Hen and Chimney with Cap and Eddie maybe with Lena but generally keeping his distance, hiding away from them. (I don’t think Eddie just brushing past Buck in 3.06 was just about Buck.)

I truly meant what I said about 2.01 and Eddie taking one look at Buck being an asshole and deciding this one is gonna be his friend. Because while Hen and Chimney have been nice and friendly with him from the get go, they never give him shit the same way they give each other or Cap or Buck, and Eddie needs that. He needs someone who isn’t afraid to call him out and push back, both to get Eddie out of his own head and to make him feel comfortable enough to do the same. Which is why he bonded so fast with Buck and Lena (also, would he have bonded with her like that if Buck had been there? Probably not. Eddie is like the definition of „I only have the emotional capacity to care about three people at a time and two of them are my son“), because both held him accountable for his shit, which no one else on the show does, specifically not Hen and Chimney who treat Eddie as the guy who is good at most things so they just overlook the shitty stuff. And Cap does the same, because Eddie has a lot on his plate and Cap understands his issues better than anyone else’s.

Ya‘ll just need to watch the supermarket scene! It‘s all there!

Buck is in the store trying to create a moment so he can talk to all of them (meaning he is pushing, leaning into the problem until it gives), tries to make the problem go away by apologising (remember what I said about trying another way? Working hard didn’t work. Accepting his predicament didn‘t work. The lawsuit didn’t work. So now he tries talking it out - which he should have done to begin with, but hey, I’m not his therapist (sadly)) (It’s too bad it only worked to a certain level as we saw in the next episode but oh well, that’s actually realistic.)

Meanwhile Eddie has none of it because Eddie is currently running away from his problems so he can’t have his problem stand in front of him buying cat laxatives. So Eddie goes feral, and makes it all about Buck and his mistakes and then throws Christopher under the bus because that man is fighting for his life and he has nothing left to loose!!! I truly love this scene so much, you guys. It’s so revealing about these characters.

(I also shouldn’t have to point out that most of the stuff Eddie said to Buck was about Shannon, right? He was saying the things he was feeling about Shannon and he was throwing them at Buck because Buck was the one who brought it up, but also … look, it’s just ship-y from here all right?)

As for what I said about Hen, Bobby and Chimney in regards to Eddie? I know Chimney made some remarks but come on! Had it been any of them or Buck who yelled at someone like that they would have all interrupted and tried to diffuse the situation. But because it’s Eddie they sort of let it happen. (Also tbh because it’s Eddie and Buck and everyone is a little mad at Buck but they are something different to each other.)

Also, not to push my agenda, can we just talk about how comfortable Eddie has to be with the 118 but especially Buck, how much he has to care, to scream at him like that? Because he is reserved and he always tries to let go of his feelings and he hides so much. And I know part of it is that Eddie is coiled too tight already and about to burst but it’s also about Buck and the fact that Eddie expected better from him because Eddie has such a high opinion of him. Like sure he gives him shit sometimes but I think it’s because Eddie always expects the most of Buck (and Buck rarely lets him down). (And now I did go all ship-y)

Just compare this with his relationship with Shannon: with Shannon Eddie always is the one to make decisions, in part because he believes that’s what a man should do but also in part because he doesn’t trust her - and that was even before she left. Eddie trusts no one but himself for the most part but he does trust Buck, because to Eddie Buck can hardly do wrong. Which is why the whole law suit probably hit him so hard cause he expects everyone to let him down all the time but Evan Buckley? The guy he trust with his son more than anyone else? That guy? He expected better off! And that my friends is beautiful.

As for the voiceover it does poise one very central question for Eddie’s character: If he gives up control, will he be able to regain it? Because that is Eddie’s biggest fear and why he always holds everything so tight: he thinks if he lets the floodgates open once, he’ll never be able to close them.

In other news: Ryan took his shirt off.

Episode 3.06:

Before I write another 2400 words about our boys, I wanna remind you of that scene of Bobby, Chimney and Eddie wearing sun glasses, with Hen wearing her normal glasses, standing round, looking like an album cover! *plays „Clique“ by Kanye West, Jay-Z, Big Sean*

Do you think Athena and Hen talked about Bobby and how he would / does handle Buck? They did, didn’t they?

Also love how Hen and Chimney are super welcoming because one, they know what it’s like to be the odd one out and two, they love Buck and actually see his point of view. I believe. Now if only someone would remember to tell him.

Like, come on, they probably sit in the ambulance gossiping all the time!

I really love that we saw some bonding between Buck and Hen and Buck and Chimney in this episode because as much as I love Buddie we do not see enough of those combos (we don’t see enough of Buddie either).

Also the whole two steps forward, one step back? That is Bobby in this episode.

Now, we have to talk about the apology scene because this is Buck, expressing himself, being vulnerable. I love this episode a lot especially in regards to this Meta because here we see all the things I explained for the last episode: Buck is expressing, trying his best to make the problem go away while Eddie avoids it.

Also, you know, there is the whole illegal fighting thing that is visible on Eddie and look, if you did something like that would you willingly spent time with the one person who will call you out on it or will you avoid him like the plague? Especially if the last time you saw him you were screaming bloody murder at him in the middle of a grocery store! And the next time you see him he calls you out for your bruising. Yeah, guys, that’s just realistic.

Also bit of a reach, but the reason this is part of my discussion of 3.06 and not 3.05, which is Eddie’s relationship to Buck. Remember how 3.03 ended? That beautiful moment that made Oliver Stark cry on Instagram live? Remember how Eddie said „It’s his turn to save you now.“? Yeah, what happened to that?

Okay, Eddie is not an expressive guy. He is bad with feelings. He hates having them. And here comes Evan „Buck“ Buckley and he is just the polar opposite. Sure, he’d rather not talk about his feelings either but he has a lot of them and he *likes* having all of them and he wallows in them and that is probably a lot for a guy like Eddie to deal with. Especially when I do think Eddie understands somewhat where Buck came from and he probably feels guilty af about making Buck feel like he was being replaced. About not seeing the pain Buck was in. About not being there for him - which is why he lashes out, because guilt can make the healthiest people do horrible shit and Eddie is far from any definition of healthy at that point.

But I do have to say I am reaching with this and if I ever meet Tim Minear I will have him explain the fight scene and the apology scene to me word for word because it has to be deeper, right?

It can’t just be Eddie lashing out, and saying exactly the things he knows will hurt Buck because he is mad mad mad? Yeah, I know, whatever.

(Because even if that is the case? This is still the scene where a guy uses his best friend as a substitute to get his anger for his dead wife out in a somewhat healthy manner.)

Which is why I love both these scenes immensely, because it shows exactly how differently Eddie and Buck deal with things, because Eddie avoids them or gets mad and screams at them while Buck, actually does something fairly healthy and try to talk it out - but like only as his last option. He tries anything but talking before that, except with Eddie because they are connected and he finally *finally* lets himself be emotionally vulnerable with Eddie.

Which is also why the apology scene is so important to me, despite thinking while a bit rash, Buck wasn’t exactly wrong in his actions. I would have hated if they just brushed the grocery store over or made it about Eddie and the issues he had at the time. Instead they gave us this beautiful scene where Buck finally - FINALLY - gets to explain himself to someone, especially Eddie, the guy who he hurt the most because Buck is his anchor, and Eddie actually listens and then he gets it and he is like, oh, I wasn’t wrong! He really deserves all my trust!

So you know, that’s just beautiful, wether it’s platonic or romantic.

Episode 3.07: no relevance

Episode 3.08:

I wanna say something right of the bat that is probably controversial as hell:

Eddie did not want to share with Bobby. Eddie likes Bobby, he trusts Bobby, but he wasn’t really feeling like sharing with Bobby.

The reason Eddie talked with Bobby about all of this? Well, first of all it was bound to happen, sometimes things need to be said and then it doesn’t really matter who you’re talking to.

Also Eddie? Boy Scout. Army man. Chain of Command. If your superior officer tells you to share - you share! There. I said it. (This is not a Bobby Nash - stan account)

Also: „A friend of mine told me I needed an outlet - think I found it.“ - no, you didn’t Buddy boy, it’s why I’m currently 10.000 words into an episode by episode analysis of your character! (can you tell I am slowly going off the rails with this?)

But I do love how we finally got to see sassy!Eddie again. I missed you, babe!

As for the kitchen scene and the look, yes, I know, Maddie was looking at them like that because she just called them out about gossiping and they turned around and gossiped, buuuut … ya’ll also realise that Chimney was apparently *not* aware that anything was wrong with Eddie when Eddie had been acting weird way longer then Hen. He nearly punched Buck in a grocery store, he comes in with new bruises like 3 times a week but sure mate, he is all normal! (Or you know, Buck is just hyperfocused on Eddie)

One thing that freaks me out every time I watch this episode is how completely fucking nonchalant Eddie seems by the fact that he nearly fucking killed a guy. To quote Lena Bosko, professional plot pusher: „What the hell, Eddie?“

And then of course 3.15 happened and we saw Eddie shoot multiple people, so he probably learned how to compartmentalise and I guess I need to remember this is a TV show and no one actually died. But wow, I really need this addressed more because I have such mixed feelings about this.

And with regards to this I wanna say something even more controversial: Eddie got off easy. Yes, the guy willingly went into that ring but Eddie nearly killed him and all Bobby wanted to talk about was why Eddie was fighting? Again: What the hell?

Another thing this episode firmly proofs is that Lena is really just a poor substitute for Buck because Eddie doesn’t actually know anything about her, he just uses her as a sounding board because, well, Buck wasn’t there and he was lonely?

As for the actual conversation happening, yes, there we have it, in plain sight, Eddie needs to be in control because he thinks this is what Christopher needs him to be and as I’ve said before Eddie will always do anything for Christopher, even if he hurts himself in the process.

Also, remember when Lena told him he needed to show and tell his son how he felt so Christopher knows it’s okay to feel that way as well? Clearly didn’t stick of he would not feel this intense need to be in control. Which is realistic, you don’t just unlearn behaviour you had for like 30 years just because someone gives you some good advice once! (Man, my life could be so different!)

I’m also not a fan of Bobby’s „She died.“ because while yes, it wasn’t her fault that she left this time, grief isn’t rational. And even without the looming divorce Eddie has every right to be upset and to be angry at the world, and yes, even his dead wife. She’s dead. It doesn’t hurt her anymore. (Although that would be one feeling he should probably keep from Christopher.)

Not to mention Eddie feels guilty as hell. His anger? Mostly at himself. The sentence “I broke his mother”? Broke me as well.

But I also understand Eddie because while he may be grieving, his son is clearly traumatised by the whole situation, as seen in 3.04, and Eddie is trying his best and look, his outlet wasn’t the healthiest but um, at least he realised he needed one? He addressed that? That’s growth (sorta).

Amount of shirtless!Eddie scenes: 2, which feels a bit like overkill for one episode (pace yourself, Tim, this isn’t Game of Thrones)

Episode 3.09:

Frank! My main man Frank! Ui, I love him! When Tim calls me to come consult for Season 4 because clearly by now I am an expert on his characters and the way they should act, I will tell him to bring Frank back. I miss Frank. I hope he’s doing okay. He deserves the world. Also really wanna meet Rosemary.

And hey, as someone who has worked in the mental health sector and probably will again come October (if I manage to finish my degree by then, urgh, Corona, you are destroying my thesis!), I love that scene on the sofa so much! All of them openly sharing that they have been in therapy and talking about their therapists and just, uh, that scene makes me all tingly!

Before we get into all the emotional things I’m just gonna add the scene on the sofa to my list of scene I don’t fully understand. Like, what emotion exactly was Eddie supposed to be conveying because to me he sounds angry. And why should Eddie be angry about Buck sleeping with his therapist? What reason could he have?

Okay, yeah, maybe it’s a little exasperation and annoyance because apparently Evan Buckley is just coasting through life and doesn’t even take therapy seriously. Idk. I haven’t read the script.

But it does lead us to Buck giving Eddie shit, because, as I’ve said before, that’s what Buck does.

As for the therapy scene, yay, there is a mention of the nearly dead guy! Who is not dead. Yay!

I do love Eddie’s reasons for going to therapy and really trying, even though he is not clicking with Frank. He is such a good dad! (Also I’ve been debating for like 20 minutes whether Eddie would be more comfortable sharing with a woman or with a man and for some reason (his connection with Buck vs his relationship with Shannon) I think he’d be more comfortable with a man. Idk. I could be wrong. - Also Eddie is probably always uncomfortable talking about his feelings, so there is that!) His reasoning shows also yet again what I said about both Buck and Eddie before: they are protectors. They will make themselves vulnerable to help someone else. It’s a thing.

Also I pulled out my pocket edition of ICD-10 to check and while we don’t have enough information to give a full diagnosis, it’s safe to say that he is supposed to be going through a depressive episode. Because yes, sometimes depressed people aren’t sad, sometimes they are fucking angry.

Now, as for the Evan Buckley of it all and that scene: I read another Meta by someone clearly much better at this than me that stated Eddie uses Sarcasm as a way to deflect, which is exactly what is happening here because Eddie is not as fine with everything that happened as he pretends to be. I think he has just come to the sudden and horrible conclusion that his tipping point has been Buck no longer being in his life and so he decided it was easier to just move on then deal with his feelings (which is what got you into this mess in the first place, Edmundo, so please rethink,) if that means Buck back in his life.

I also think Eddie deflects here because he realises how much what he did and what he said actually hurt Buck in return and Eddie doesn’t fully know how to deal with that. And look, if they actually start discussing their issues then Eddie will have to admit his guilt and Eddie will have to say he’s sorry and right then he is still too pissed to do so, so he decides to move on.

Ah, the wonderful clash of Eddie thinking actions speak louder than words but Buck needing to hear the actual words.

Sidenote: I sent the kitchen scene to my roommate, stopped before they played the video game and asked her what she thinks happened next. And to quote „Love me <3 <3 <3. Please fuck me“ - because yes, she did take one look at them and decide the one with the puppy dog eyes was a bottom. That’s also a quote.

Episode 3.10:

Eddie really is trying so hard to be a good dad, isn’t he?

I also love the little head shake Eddie gives after Chris ask Buck about spending Christmas with him, because he clearly has already talked about the whole thing with Buck. And I’m not gonna talk about the framing. Other’s have done that before and I don’t actually know that much about it in first place.

Also it is cute as all hell that Chris asked Buck in the first place and also heartbreaking.

Other than that this episode doesn’t have that much of a relevance for this meta, because if I have to start discussing Buck’s other issues as well this will never be done.

Before I let you go, I wanna say something real quick:

In the past few days there have been several posts about content creators and liking vs commenting / reblogging on my dash and I just wanna say this is true for meta writers as well! Look, I love everyone who likes this because validation, but I’m not actually writing this meta for myself, I’m writing this because I have thoughts and I wanna share them with the rest of the class and have the class discuss it with me!

So please, reblog this and comment under or in the tags or come to my ask or my messages, even if it’s only to tell me that my punctuation is shit!

Anyways, @angelcamael and @greyhello here’s part 3!

#buck meta #eddie meta #buddie meta #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck #buddie #911 meta #911 #911 fox #textpost #mine #meta #season 3 #my meta

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ears-awake-eyes-opened · 4 years

Text

Now or never

(Hayffie ff ❤️. I initially shied away from this prompt because I didn’t think I could write it in a way that felt interesting. But I ended up having a great time with it, so much fun that this became one of my longest one-shots. — I make no apologies for the length of my posts in the feed or in the tags. I don’t apologize for any aspect of my free expression. For personal reasons, I write on my phone using the tumblr app, and the limitations are what they are. Like the limitations of my disabled body are what they are. For prompts, I reblog the prompt along with the link to my fic in case anyone wishes to reblog something shorter. — I write for myself, for my love of the characters and the process. When people comment on, like, or reblog my posts, I view those interactions as unexpected gifts. I have such love for writing that I’d do it old-school like Anne Frank, without any audience beyond my journal itself. This blog has been that for me for over 5 years, my space for coming of age and processing intensities in a strained and oppressive midlife. — I’m inspired now by prompts much more than I have been in past fanfiction efforts. So, thank you to everyone who offers them. And when people are willing to slog through my long fics and other posts, that is fabulous devotion to the characters/issues that are important to me, and I feel good to know I’m not caring alone. — 💛 Kim)

***

His facial hair was rough against her lips. The sensation triggered fantasy which played out more readily if she didn’t have to look at him. So she kissed him with her eyes closed whenever they fucked around. He was the same height as Haymitch. When she wore 5-inch heels, those added to the feeling of intimacy. It wasn’t entirely real, but it felt better than loneliness.

Their relationship was discrete, of course. Mutual discretion was a condition she established before getting involved with anyone, especially someone as high-profile as Seneca Crane.

As far as Capitol society was concerned, their connection was primarily professional, with occasional dinners at expensive restaurants. It was an image they’d been comfortable projecting, and it wasn’t far from the truth.

In moments that weren’t overly physical, she enjoyed his eyes. Blueish-grey with a streak of emotion, they were familiar enough to help her pretend. That’s why she’d first invited Seneca up to her apartment in the fall — to have sex with Haymitch in fantasy.

The sex was good enough. He was gifted with his hands, though he smelled too much like her. She wondered if he wore the same cologne as she did. And his body frame was smaller than the one she actually wanted intimacy with. By November, they’d become a regular *good enough* thing.

A dozen years earlier, they’d been schoolmates at the Academy. He graduated two years before her. She was softer then but already a force to reckon with. He was shorter in those days, sharp, obsessed with tech design. Ambition was an attribute they shared, perhaps the only one.

By 30, he’d become one of the youngest Head Gamemakers in history. He enjoyed the rush of adrenaline he experienced when executing the Games, and he relished the opportunity for artistry. The thrill and beauty he saw in death made Effie uncomfortable, but she viewed it as part of the job. He carried out the president’s wishes, though he confided in her that he didn’t fully agree with the way Snow ruled Panem.

On an evening in late December, they walked along a garden path covered in trellises draped with strands of fairy lights. Effie kept her hands warm in her pockets. It had been a long day, and she was ready to be home in bed, asleep, alone.

“What do you think about marriage?” he asked. The question was slightly more inspiring than if he’d asked her what she thought about the weather.

“I haven’t given it much thought,” she answered honestly, leaving out her occasional ludicrous fantasies about having babies with tiny purple wigs and predispositions for alcoholism.

“A union could be advantageous for both our careers. The publicity could improve your chances of promotion to escort for an inlying district.”

“And what do you stand to gain from a *union*?”

“You’re iconic, Effie. You represent the Capitol with style and positivity, and you execute your work flawlessly. You’re in good favor with the president. You could be a wonderful ally for me,” You could be a buffer for me, he didn’t say.

“Is there anything more?”

“Like what?”

“Really, Seneca, is THIS how you’re proposing??”

“Well, our families would support us. And there’s the matter of sentiment.”

“Sentiment?”

“I like you. I care for you, of course.”

She thought of Haymitch’s words from last summer, the night they almost... but didn’t.

‘I like you too much,’ he’d said, ‘I can’t fuck around with you and pretend it’s nothing. And that’s how it would have to be. That’s the only way it could be.”

Venia and Octavia insisted Haymitch loved her, but she believed that was still a pipe dream. She could keep waiting in vain, or she could choose a more sensible path.

“And there’s this...” From his coat pocket, Seneca pulled a black velvet box and flipped it open. Effie’s jaw dropped. The diamond was huge. It was far and away the loveliest ring she’d seen. She looked in those blueish-grey eyes that reminded her a bit of everything she wanted that wasn’t accessible to her.

Seneca pressed, “Say yes, and the wedding can be one of the biggest events of the year, rivaling even the Games.”

She imagined what her dress would look like. He was saying the right words to tempt her. They didn’t love each other, but maybe she could look past that inconvenient reality. Sometimes people married for other reasons.

“The press would go crazy,” he continued, “There would be red carpet interviews. We could invite everyone who’s anyone: stylists, victors, even Snow.”

Victors... Would he show up to watch me get married? 6 months ago, Haymitch had asked her what she wanted. He’d unzipped her dress and touched her body. He’d taken off his shirt and shown her his scars. Then he effectively told her a relationship between them was never going to happen, and he held her hand as she fell asleep.

Damn him.

She took her left hand out of her pocket. “Let’s see how it fits.”

Seneca had investigated her ring size, so the fit was perfect.

“Let’s show him,” she said.

“Show who?”

“Them. Let’s show them all.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes. Let’s get married. ...This spring.” She could plan a wedding in 5 months, no problem. Isn’t this the time couples usually cry and leap into one another’s arms? Shouldn’t this occasion call for a show of passion?

“This spring it shall be then.” When Seneca kissed her, she closed her eyes and embraced the same fantasy as usual.

***

Haymitch rarely received mail beyond his compensatory income from the government. In March, when the post delivered an envelope addressed to him in gold ink, he almost tossed the thing straight into the trash, recognizing it as an invitation to a Capitol party. Then he saw the name “Trinket” and the return address of Effie’s family home.

What’s this? He opened it right there on the porch with uneasiness gnawing at his stomach.

“You are cordially invited to celebrate the marriage of

Euphemia Rosalind Trinket -and-

Seneca Lucius Crane

Saturday, the first of May

At 3 O’Clock in the afternoon

Palazzo Annaeus”

What the hell is THIS! His stomach churned, and he vomited up a pint of white liquor on the ground beside the porch.

Memories flooded in... tracing up the seams of her stockings, unhooking her garters, feeling her body without a corset, running his fingers through her hair as she curled up in bed, so soft. So damn soft. Fear had screamed warnings about getting attached to her. Fear was always screaming.

When those Games were done, he’d left the Capitol with a strained sadness between them, like a rubber band stretched too long. Today it snapped and smacked him in the face. He felt the sting of annoyance and regret.

Damn her.

He couldn’t fix this. The only thing left to do was decide whether or not he was willing to watch it happen. He would have burned the invitation in the fireplace if not for the P.S. in her obnoxiously perfect handwriting.

***

Seneca had been right about one thing. Effie’s parents were thrilled that she’d decided to marry one of *the Crane boys,* especially the Head Gamemaker. Historically the Cranes had been part of the old guard of the wealthy from the Capitol, and they’d successfully diversified their financial interests in the years following the Dark Days.

Her parents spared no expense for *the wedding of the decade.* Effie spent the winter so caught up in the comfort of validation and the thrill of event planning that most of the time she evaded the sense of dread that nagged her when she startled awake in the mornings.

When she’d addressed the invitations, she considered adding a postscript to Haymitch’s, either “Fuck you” or “I love you.” Both feelings were nonsensical and nonetheless true. In the end she’d written,

“H — Please come. — E”

She checked the mail each day for his response card among hundreds, but it never showed up. Figures. He probably threw it away.

She didn’t need anyone to *rescue* her from the fate she’d chosen. If she wanted to call off the wedding, she’d simply come up with a logical explanation to save face; she’d apologize to Seneca and her parents; she’d put a stop to all plans, and that would be that.

The phrase “Mayday mayday mayday” was a distress signal used by Capitol troops during the Dark Days. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d subconsciously scheduled her wedding on the first of May because, apart from the fine details, opulence, and attention, her heart wasn’t in this.

***

“We’re here at Pallazo Annaeus,” Claudius reported from the red carpet which had been rolled out along the walkway to the galleria of the Crane family mansion. “Just a short time from now, fashion icon and District 12 escort, Effie Trinket, will wed two-time Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane.”

“Isn’t this exciting!!” Caesar was in typical form. “The air is positively electric!”

“So much so that my hair is standing on end!”

“As is mine!! Thank goodness for hair products.”

“And wigs! We’re seeing all of the ABOVE as the guests arrive. What a crowd!”

Their interviews with attendees were concise, asking which stylists designed their gowns and suits, and if they had particular wishes to share with the couple.

“Now here comes... Is that?... It is! Haymitch Abernathy, victor of the second Quarter Quell.”

“How touching. One advisor for District 12 supporting the other on her special day.”

“I LOVE it!! Haymitch, do you have any words for the happy couple?”

Haymitch stomped past them without pause. He hadn’t entirely sobered up from the bottle of whiskey he drank on the train, and he didn’t even try to resist flipping Caesar off when asked the question.

“A man of few words,” Claudius covered for a shocked Caesar. “We never know what to expect from that one.”

“He certainly does keep us on our toes.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we have stylish shoes!”

“Indeed!” Each of them spun around on tiptoe, and the cameras zoomed in on their footwear as a distraction from Haymitch’s persistent middle finger.

Just beyond the entryway, the galleria was packed already. Guests were dressed in yards of fabric and large hats. Floral arrangements lined marble walls covered with paintings, some of which were probably older than Panem itself. Haymitch slipped into the first empty chair he spotted, ignoring the usher who asked him, “Are you here for the bride or the groom?”

The question pestered. The bride. Shit. I’m here for the bride.

***

With every detail attended to, Effie curled her fingers around her father’s arm in the vestibule. Flower girls and bridesmaids entered the galleria first, then it would be her turn.

“My princess is getting married in a palace.” Her father kissed her cheek.

“Daddy! Careful of my makeup. Photos aren’t being taken until afterward.”

“Of course. It’s YOUR perfect day.”

Effie had certainly made everything perfect, except for this unrelenting nausea and desire to run away. She forced herself to breathe slowly. The last thing she needed right now was to throw up, ruin her white gown, and have the press start a false rumor about pregnancy. She had no desire to have children with Seneca. She’d made that clear, and he agreed.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

Her father calling her “sweetheart” made every discomfort worse. Clearly she thought of Haymitch.

“I’m trying to be alright... but I don’t know,” she confessed.

Her father wasn’t sure what to say. “It’s almost time to walk down the aisle. Is that what you want to do?”

He asked it like she had a choice, but it was too late for choices.

“Let’s go pay the piper!” As Effie started down the aisle on her father’s arm, she didn’t notice the splendor and fullness of the room, nor the oohs and aahs from standing friends and family. She didn’t notice the rose petals on the floor, nor her fiancé sweating like a pig about to be roasted alive with an apple in its mouth.

All she saw was Haymitch.

He stood at the edge of the aisle, in the middle of the room. In the years that she’d known him, he’d been clear about his disdain for Capitol events, yet here he was, no RSVP and very much himself in his regular clothes from District 12. She’d probably be irritated if she hadn’t missed him so much. He was standing right here, and she was still missing him. It took every ounce of restraint to not tell him so.

“Great dress, sweetheart.” He offered a subdued smile as she passed.

She looked back at him once, and her eyes felt like old glass, holding tears too hardened to fall. Then there was nothing to do but look forward.

***

Fear was screaming different words now at Haymitch. Stop this. This wedding. Stop this!

As she walked away from him, he could see that her dress had an open back from her waist to the top of her shoulder blades. The gap was bordered in ornate jewels, stitching, and fancy shit. But he couldn’t take his eyes off her skin, and he couldn’t stop thinking about touching her.

She glanced at him again as she handed her bouquet to a bridesmaid. Her eyes were pleading. He knew the look because of all the times he’d tried to ignore her feelings for him ...and his feelings for her.

The officiant addressed the audience, “We are gathered here today to join Effie and Seneca in matrimony. Family, friends, and honored guests, do you support this union and affirm that these two should be married today?”

Haymitch looked around as the audience responded in unison, "We do."

I don’t.

The officiant continued, “Will you surround this couple in love, offering them the joys of your friendship? Will you support this couple in their relationship? At times of conflict will you offer them the strength of your wisest counsel and the comfort of your thoughtful concern? At times of joy, will you celebrate with them, nourishing their love for one another?”

The automatons responded together again, "We will.”

Like hell I will.

“If any of you has a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Haymitch sighed and shook his head. Someday he’d be the death of her, or she’d be the death of him. Maybe today was that day.

This felt like now or never. The bit of whiskey still in his veins helped it be now. He stood up and moved quickly down the aisle to the sound of gasps and murmurs all around him.

***

“What are you doing?” Effie was stunned as he gripped her wrist.

“Excuse us,” Haymitch said directly to Seneca, then he pulled Effie out of the room down a long hallway.

She went willingly, chastising him in hushed tones along the way. “Haymitch! This is highly inappropriate!”

“More inappropriate than us having this conversation in front of the entire Capitol?”

“What conversation?”

He pulled her into a room down the hall.

“Not so tight!”

He loosened his grasp on her wrist but didn’t let go.

“What are you doing, Effie?”

“Do I need to state the obvious?”

“Marriage?? Why are you even WITH him?”

“I don’t owe you explanations — or anything else for that matter.”

She was right. She owed him nothing. His edge softened, and he stroked her wrist with his thumb. “Why are you marrying somebody you didn’t even look at as you walked down that aisle?”

“I LOOKED at him.”

“For about five seconds, and what did you see?”

She hesitated, “He’s wearing a tie, not an ascot. We had a dispute about it this week, and I insisted he wear the tie.”

“That’s what you’re thinking about on your wedding day when you see the man you’re about to marry — a goddamn tie?”

“Why are YOU giving ME the third degree! What are YOU thinking about on my wedding day?”

“I’m thinking about how much I hate Seneca Crane. I don’t want him marrying you. I don’t want you fucking him.”

“Well, that ship sailed! We’ve been having sex for months, not that it’s any of your business!”

“Not my business?”

“Absolutely not!”

He was burning with a mix of emotions: anger, jealousy, frustration, confusion, desire, fear. “If it’s not my business, then why did you ask me to ‘please come’ today? What am I doing here? ...If it’s not my business, then why did reading your wedding invitation make me puke. Why can’t I stop thinking about you? ...If it’s not my business, then why do I want to be the one to take this dress off you. I keep holding your wrist because if I let go, I’m gonna touch you, and what would your *fiancé* think about that? What would YOU think about that?”

He’d never confessed so much to her all at once, and she was in a mild state of shock about it. “Last summer you told me if we ‘fucked around’ then you’d have to pretend it means nothing. You told me you can’t pretend that, so where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know, honey.”

“I think you do. ...Let go of my wrist.”

“I told you what’s gonna happen if I let go.”

“Then let it happen.”

In a duality of reluctance and eagerness, he let go of her wrist and caressed her through the open back of her dress. She shivered and leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her, touching every inch of skin he could reach.

The wig she wore resembled her actual hair color, light golden, like wheat before harvest. In this moment, she was an angel. He’d kiss her if she’d just shut up, but she had things to say too.

“If it’s not your business, then why am I still here with you instead of out there marrying Seneca?” Her tone softened. “Why do I close my eyes and picture you every time I kiss him and every time we have sex? ....If it’s not your business, then why do I miss you so much?”

“Jesus, Effie. What are you doing to me?”

“I don’t know, honey.”

“I think you do.”

***

From the doorway, Seneca cleared his throat. He’d been listening awhile. Effie tried to pull away from Haymitch, but first he had to untangle himself from the back of her dress.

“This isn’t quite what it looks like,” Effie laughed nervously.

“It looks like unfinished business,” Seneca said.

“Then it IS what it looks like,” Haymitch told him.

“Will you please excuse us?” Seneca asked, proper as fuck. “Effie and I have some things to discuss.”

“I’m not leaving.” Fear and desire for her wouldn’t budge.

“I’ll handle this,” she insisted. “Please wait in the hall.”

This was the Gamemaker’s house, his wedding, and his girl for god sake. What else could Haymitch do? Pull out his knife and slit the guy’s throat?? This was Effie’s world, not his. Without another word, he stepped out of the room, and he hated that she closed the door behind him.

Seneca confronted her, “I’ll say this quickly because our guests have already waited long enough. A marriage of convenience is prudent when the motivations for such a union are stronger than the desire for love. I’ve realized that’s not the case here. For me, and apparently not for you either.”

“Are you in love with someone else?”

“Someone my family regards as unsuitable. I’m sorry I didn’t speak about it sooner. I was afraid you wouldn’t understand.” He glanced at the door, “But I see that you do. Frankly, this interruption is an enormous relief.”

Effie was slightly miffed to realize that Seneca would not be pining for her, but the interruption did lift her feeling of dread. “I apologize as well. I haven’t been forthcoming with you, or with myself. What do we do now? The Capitol is expecting a wedding.”

“The Capitol is expecting a show, and they’re getting that. Let’s walk out there together and announce that we’ve decided to cancel the nuptials and move straight to the reception. It can still be the party of the year.”

“But my parents...”

“I’ll reimburse your father for his investment in this. It’s the right thing to do. I do care for you, Effie, but I should never have discussed marriage as a hypothetical, let alone proposed and let it get this far.”

He held out his hand. “Shall we? Before any more time passes.”

She threaded her fingers with his in solidarity.

When the door opened, Haymitch was still there in the hall, fuming now at the sight of them holding hands.

“Seneca, give me another minute,” she said.

He let go of her and took several steps away.

She touched Haymitch’s arm and spoke into his ear, “The wedding is off. But we need time to appease our families and everyone else. Meet me at 9 o’clock at The Popina on 6th St. Do you know the place?”

He’d never been there, but it was a good call. He doubted the press would look for him at a swanky wine bar. “I know the one.”

She whispered, “I said I don’t owe you anything, and you don’t owe me anything either. Regardless, this feeling between us isn’t going away.”

Seneca told him, “Keep following this hallway as it bends to the right. You’ll eventually reach a side door you can take out of here if you want...”

Haymitch didn’t trust him and didn’t want to leave.

“...Unless you’d prefer a walk back down the red carpet with the other guests.”

I don’t.

Effie urged him to go. “I need to set this right. Please don’t make this harder for me than it already is.”

“I don’t wanna run out in the middle of a pile of shit.”

“Language! This wedding is not a pile of anything. It’s an event we need to finish differently than expected. Will you trust me?”

“Fine.” He answered without conviction, turning away so he wouldn’t have to watch them link hands again. Holding the handle of the knife in his pocket, he followed the hallway to the side door and left all that nonsense behind him. Did he trust her?? If she walked into that bar tonight without a rock on her finger, then maybe he just might.

***

Afterward, the red carpet commentary indeed made for a more interesting show.

“The only thing more exciting than a wedding,” said Caesar, “Is a kiss at the altar between the bride and groom after they’ve CALLED OFF the ceremony!”

“You may now kiss the woman in white who is no longer your bride!”

“Oh, Claudius, you’re so cheeky!”

“I can honestly say I’ve never seen a couple more happy to be NOT married.”

“Did somebody bring the sun INSIDE the palace? Because they were positively glowing.”

“The reception is still on, and did you hear their words about it?”

“Caesar, I was on the edge of my seat, and I couldn’t miss them, but say them again.”

“Seneca began, ‘May 1st, May Day, is not just one of folktales. Mayday was a cry of distress during war, terrible war. The Capitol responded and transformed that distress into peace.’

“Then...”

“Then Effie continued, ‘Instead of celebrating a wedding, we’ve decided to transform the reception we’d planned into a festival honoring the glory of the Capitol. Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever.’”

“Don’t you just love that?”

“I DO! I absolutely do!”

“Well, that’s the only ‘I do’ that we’ll be hearing this afternoon!”

Hysterical laughter ensued between the two.

“Claudius, the question on everyone’s mind revolves around the influence of a certain mentor from District 12.”

“Yes. Haymitch Abernathy interrupted the ceremony.”

“He pulled Effie away, and Seneca followed. When the couple returned hand-in-hand, they called off the wedding. The mystery is, what happened in between?”

“As you said earlier, we never know what to expect from Haymitch. That one is a wildcard.”

“We’ve been waiting for him to emerge from the palace so we can ask him, but as we noted before, he is a man of few words.”

“Maybe we’ll catch him at the reception.”

“The festival!”

“The festival, of course!”

***

By 10 o’clock, Haymitch had read the sign on the wall a hundred times. “Hedone says, ‘You can drink here for one; if you give two, you will drink better; if you give four, you will drink Falernian.”

‘Hedone’ he recognized as the Roman goddess of pleasure. He thought pleasure would be a fine devotion if it wasn’t pursued at the cost of other people’s lives or pursued to chase away demons. He was already chasing one bottle of Falernian with another. “Damn Capitol wine doesn’t get you drunk unless you chug two bottles. And this is the best they’ve got?”

He’d been there a couple of hours. During that time, his attention was divided between that sign reflecting on hedonism and the screen showing footage of Effie’s non-wedding reception.

They were *saving face* alright. Haymitch had rarely seen Effie kiss anyone, and tonight he’d watched her kiss her *former* fiancé every time someone clinked a glass. The kisses were pecks mostly, a game they were probably playing to host a fun party and show the Capitol there were no hard feelings between them. But as the kisses added up, Haymitch’s dislike for Seneca Crane became more palpable.

“Slide a bit,” she said, showing up beside him. She was hiding in a simple dress and a light layer of makeup. Her hair was pulled back beneath a scarf instead of a wig.

He scooted over, making room for her at his booth in back. “You’re late, sweetheart. Did Crane kiss all that makeup off your face?”

“And you’re drunk.” She caressed the back of his neck, content to be with him right now, drunk or not.

“Wasn’t drunk an hour ago after the first bottle of this Falernian shit. But the more you drink, the better it tastes.”

She drank from his glass, and he didn’t object. From his perspective right now, she could drink straight from his mouth or off his body.

He encircled her waist, pulling her as close as the setting allowed. He was relieved to see that she wasn’t married. His inhibitions were reduced, so she could do just about anything to him right now, and he wouldn’t object. He tried not to think about her having that kind of power.

She stroked his arm wrapped around her. “There’s a rumor circulating about you.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?” He kissed her neck after each question. “Do they think I’m fucking you?”

She giggled because the hair on his face tickled her skin and because she was anticipating his response. “Not quite, honey.”

“What then?”

“They think you’re fucking Seneca.”

“What the hell?!!”

“Caesar and Claudius predicted ‘the mentor from District 12 is having a torrid affair with the Head Gamemaker,’ and you pulled me away from the wedding in the hopes of taking my place at the altar.”

“They’re lunatics.”

“It’s a risky move breaking up a wedding. Who knows what people will say.”

“What do YOU say?”

“I say you look at my breasts far too often for you to be interested in Seneca Crane,” she chuckled.

“And what do you say about me breaking up your wedding?”

As she looked into his eyes, there was no approximation, no almost. It was a relief to not have to *pretend* that he was the one she wanted, but to just KNOW it. “I say, thank you. ...Sweetheart.”

What fantasies and real desires would be accessible with him? She’d know more in time.

#hayffie #hayffie fanfiction #effie x haymitch #haymitch x effie #haymitch abernathy #effie trinket #seneca crane #thg #thg fanfiction #the hunger games #hunger games #claudius templesmith #caesar flickerman #the capitol #pre-74th hunger games #may day #mayday #slide a bit nancy lee #HayffieFics

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kayokos-villain-imagines · 5 years

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Pls can you write more stuff for our sad, but loving, boi Setsuno? He's best boi other than my bby, tabe

// I win for most eager to write for Setsuno. Everyone else go home. //

// Short but Sweet //

You watched Setsuno squirm on the couch, trying to figure out what he was doing. He had been sitting there for around 10 minutes, trying to fill out paperwork regarding a recent mission, but occasionally he would tense up and lean back against the couch, shifting around uncomfortably. When he reached over his shoulders, and then twisted his arm to reach his lower back, realization hit you.

“Toya?” You tried not to smile when he jumped and whirled around to face you, cheeks red with embarrassment. “Do you have an itch?” He nodded, dropping his eyes to the floor, and you took the opportunity to go sit next to him. ‘He’s just so cute!’ you thought, trying not to squeal when you noticed his blush grow darker.

“Here?” You asked, putting a hand on the middle of his back.

“A little to the left, actually.” He spoke quietly, almost as if he was afraid to correct you.

You adjusted your fingers, smiling when you hit the right spot and he melted into your touch. He still refused to look at you, but you could see a pleased grin on his face as he leaned into you. You were glad he was happy, but after a while, your fingers were getting tired. “Is that good?”you asked, snapping him out of his daze.

“Oh- yes! Thank you.” He leaned forwards suddenly, and turned to look at you.

“No problem! I’m glad I could help.” You beamed at him and his heart fluttered a little.

‘No, I don’t like her like that- she’d never like me like that, we can’t be together! Maybe I should ask anyway?’ Setsuno inhaled sharply and would have spoken if your name hadn’t been called somewhere off in the distance.

“Well, it looks like Hari needs me for something. See you later?” You were out of the room so quickly that Setsuno didn’t get a chance to answer.

‘Maybe we’re really not meant to be together…..’

// Stuff that would never happen at a real prison so please don’t call me out //

You couldn’t believe it when you saw it on the news. Saw him on the news, in handcuffs, being lead into the back of a police car. Toya- your Toya was a criminal??? And it wasn’t just petty theft, either. He’d apparently been involved with the yakuza for long enough to have a determined role in their ranks.

‘All those nights away, “job trips”, he said.’ You didn’t even want to think about what he had actually been doing while away.

It took you a few hours to stabilize your emotions, and even now you weren’t really sure what to think. You were mad at him of course, but you were also sad and concerned. Why would he keep this from you? What was he doing with them? Had he even thought about what you would want? Regardless, you still loved him, and arranged a visit as soon as possible. The facility he was being held in was relatively low-security for a villain prison, so it wasn’t that out of the ordinary for them to receive frantic calls from concerned friends and family. They offered to accommodate your visit as soon as possible, which happened to be in two weeks, provided that you were approved for visitation.

It was unbelievably difficult to wait so long to see Toya, and you could only imagine how he was faring. When the morning of your first visit came, you jumped out of bed and got ready quicker than you had for anything in your life. You were finally allowed to see your boyfriend, and you wanted to be there as soon as possible.

When you arrived, you were surprised to see how routine this was for the prison staff- moving visitors to and from destinations seemed to almost bore them, and you soon discovered something they had neglected to tell you- since villain prisoners couldn’t leave their cells with visitors nearby, you would sit outside Toya’s cell, communicating through the glass. This meant that there would be no way to touch him; to cradle him on your lap and brush your fingers through his hair. You knew this would kill him, and you could already see the pain in his eyes when you rounded a corner and he came into view. The guard leading you took his post next to the cell and nodded, giving the go-ahead for you to communicate with your boyfriend.

You had so much to say and no idea how to say it. You mustered up the courage to look at him, and he promptly burst into tears. It hurt to think about how much he must have missed you and worried that you might never come to see him and know that you couldn’t give more than verbal comfort.

“He’s been like this since he first got here.” You had almost already forgotten that the guard was there. “Sobbing about how he misses you and wants to see you, or he doesn’t want to see you because you hate him now.” He pauses and looks between the two of you. “I really can’t take much more of it. Do you think you can calm him down, if given a chance?”

You instantly knew what he was implying and jumped at the offer. “Yes, yes, of course!” Unfortunately, this meant that you had to remove your coat for a very awkward pat down, before the guard cleared his throat uncomfortably and entered the cell to double check for any contraband on Toya’s part. When it was clear that neither of you had any ulterior motives for this meeting, the guard allowed you in, but stood close by just in case.

You wasted no time in scooping Toya up in your arms, and he wasted no time in wetting your shirt with his tears. He kept trying to apologize, but you shushed him, just wanting to be close for a minute before you discussed anything.

Eventually, you broke the silence. “Toya?” He looked at you with teary eyes. You thought for a moment about what to say, even after all the thinking you had done, you had no clue how to question him without making things worse. “Why?” was what you eventually settled on, knowing that he would understand your vagueness.

He sniffled and pushed his face into your arm. “I-I was with them before I met you. I had friends there who made me feel wanted. I didn’t want to leave them, but if I told you what I was doing, you would’ve left me! I’m so so sorry for not telling you the truth- I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” Toya whimpered out the last part, and began to cry again.

This made you tear up, but you willed yourself to stay strong for him. “I’m not mad at you. I can’t be. You mean the world to me and I’ll always want to be with you wherever you are, even if you’re here.”

“S-so I’m forgiven?”

“Yes Toya.” He held onto you tighter, and you leaned down to press your forehead to his.

You stayed like that for a while, on the floor of a jail cell comforting your lover while he reminded you of all the reasons he loved you and couldn’t live without you. By the time your pass had expired, you’d even gotten Toya to smile again. Of course, this was short-lived, as the guard was forced to cut your time short.

“I hate to, uh, interrupt whatever’s going on here, but I believe you’re time here is up, miss. You may return tomorrow if you wish.”

This brought your boyfriend back to the harsh reality that his time and intimacy with you would both be restricted from now on. No more falling asleep in your arms, you gently shaking him awake to go to work, cuddling whenever he was sad. Now it was 4 hours a day, with a guard in the room if they wanted to do anything more than talk through glass. The thought pierced his heart like a blade, and he attached himself even more firmly to your arm, refusing you let go.

You hated to separate yourself from him, but if you stayed too long, the warden might send other guards to check up on you, and that would be trouble for all three of you. “Come on, Toya. You were strong enough to handle being without me for two whole weeks. You can handle it for a little longer. I’ll come back first thing tomorrow morning, I promise!” Toya whimpered softly, but loosened his grip on your arm. You slowly pulled away, giving him one last peck on the forehead before you let the guard escort you out of the cell and away from your lover.

Walking back to your car, your chest felt unusually heavy. Toya’s sentence would most likely be for life, but you weren’t sure how long either of you could handle your current arrangement. When you got back into your car, you rested your head on the wheel as you tried to figure out how to make this as bearable as possible for both of you. You quickly came to the realization that it couldn’t be, not if things were to stay like this. Turning the key in the ignition, you decided to get home as soon as possible. You had a few calls to make to some old friends of yours.

// I remembered that this template exists //

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Total cuddle bug. Loves giving affection because he wants to make you feel wanted, and loves receiving because it makes him feel wanted. He gives you lots of hugs, but he’s shy about giving kisses.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’s anxious and awkward as hell, so if you’re just friends, you might have a connection to Hojo or Tabe. If that’s the case, he’ll always be willing to take a bullet for you, silently wondering why you’d ever want to hang out with trash like him.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddles are probably his favorite thing ever. He will plop down in your lap and nuzzle your neck, cooing about how much you mean to him. He can’t help but get drowsy if you pet his hair, and will 100% fall asleep on top of you at least twice a month.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Having someone to settle down with is all he’s ever wanted deep down. He’s not great at cooking, but it’s edible, and he really tries. He doesn’t like cleaning, and will avoid it if he can, but if you ask him directly, he’ll clean like his life depends on it.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d never break up with you. In fact, he’d do anything to keep the relationship going even if it seemed impossible. You don’t approve of his work in the yakuza? He’ll quit. You want him to be richer? He’ll work two jobs and beg on the streets if he has to. No matter how toxic or harmful to him you become, he’ll do anything to make you happy.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As much as he loves you, he’s honestly really scared of commitment for the first few months. He doesn’t want to have his heart broken again, even though he trusts you, he can’t help but be nervous. After the initial anxiety period of your relationship, he’s going to definitely want to settle down.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s a golden retriever with an egg in its mouth. Because he’s naturally sensitive and empathetic towards you, he would never do anything to you that would upset him. He’s not very strong (in comparison to some of the other bullets), so it’s easy for him to be physically gentle.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Looooooves hugs. He will hug you 24/7 if you let him. Gives gentle, warm hugs, almost like he’s afraid you’ll get uncomfortable if he hugs too tightly. That being said, he enjoys tight hugs. Squeeze him as tight as possible, and he’s in heaven. Being in your arms makes him feel so safe and secure.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Nervous about saying it too soon, partly because he’s scared of coming on too strong, and partly because he’d scared that you’ll leave and he’ll be alone again. When you say it first one evening, he just sort of freezes up and doesn’t move at all while you desperately reassure him that there’s no pressure to say it back until he’s ready. When he does say it, you’ll most likely be cuddling, and maybe you’re just absentmindedly running your hands through his hair while you’re blowing off steam by ranting about some jerk at the grocery store, or maybe you’ve just complimented him and pecked him on the cheek, when he remembers how lucky he is to have you and he just mumbles “I love you” to himself and goes red when you stop talking to ask him what he just said.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Very jealous. Very very jealous. Whenever you’re having fun talking to someone else, he’ll become insecure and hypervigilant to any “moves” they make towards you. He doesn’t want to be a controlling boyfriend, especially when you’re just having fun, so he’ll probably just glare at them and cuddle up to you, silently asking for comfort in the form of head pets. After the person is gone, he’ll be quiet and just cling onto you for the rest of the night.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses can best be described as gentle, sweet, and loving. He’s really shy about giving you kisses, but will kiss you while he’s nuzzling your neck, or press his lips to your hand while you’re cuddling. Loves lip kisses, but his favorite place to be kissed is behind his ears. That being said, he’s not opposed to pecks on the nose, either.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He doesn’t really know how to act around kids. He’s not confident in his parenting skill, but that doesn’t mean he’s not good. He secretly admires kids’ tendencies to bounce back quickly and be happy no matter what. If they show interest in him, he’s a little more confident, and might initiate small interactions with them (e.g “What are you coloring?” “Did you enjoy your play date today?”). A longer example of this is the story I wrote a while back, found here (that’s all for self promotion, I promise.)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Basically, him just snuggling you for as long as possible. He doesn’t want you to get up, but he knows you have to go to work soon. If you don’t work, you’ll eventually have to get him up to go to work, but he’ll be attached to you while getting ready.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He absolutely loves nighttime. You’re home, he’s home, so you’re naturally cuddling. You might be watching TV, reading a book, or just talking. Eventually, one of you decides that you should get ready for bed, so you two take turns showering and brushing teeth. After that, you two get under the covers and resume cuddling. This is usually when he reminds you how much he loves you and tells you that he doesn’t deserve you, and you have to remind him that you’ll love him no matter what.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Setsuno has no problem sharing the basics of his past with you, but actual details and emotions will take him a while. He’d probably tell you everything after a few months, when it’s clear that you only have eyes for him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

By you? Not at all. The only time he’d probably ever get close to being angry is if you seem to be purposefully neglecting him and preferring the company of other guys. But even then, it’s more just hurt and nervous, and it’ll be resolved if you reassure him you’re not leaving, and spend a few days loving on him more than normal.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Setsuno remembers everything you’ve ever told him about you. Every little detail will be taken into consideration when buying you a gift. After all, he really wants to prove that he’s a good boyfriend.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Probably when you confessed your love to him. Hearing that you fully reciprocate his feelings and listing off everything you love about him made him happier than he ever thought possible. If you catch his staring at you with unfocused eyes and a lazy smile, that’s why.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

EXTREMELY protective. Will protect you from what he perceives to be threats to your safety, or your relationship. He won’t hesitate to get in front of you and pull out a knife if he suspects something. When you’re protecting him, it’s almost always from himself. Just let him curl up into a little ball on your lap and tell him that everything’s going to be okay. You adore him and you’d never leave him. You love everything about him. Reassure him like this while petting his hair, and he’s okay again.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

All the effort. Ever since you started dating, it seems like his main focus in life has been to please you. He’ll consider every factor when buying you a gift, choosing a restaurant for a dinner date, or even what to make you for breakfast. He lives in constant fear of not being good enough for you, so he can’t help but put way too much effort into doing everything right for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

If he’s left alone with his thoughts for too long, he’ll start to spiral and hyperfocus on all the reasons you wouldn’t want him. This means that he could be in a good mood when you leave to get groceries, and having a mental breakdown when you get back. He also gets really jealous, but won’t be vocal about it at first, so it comes off as him being huffy.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s insecure about almost every part of himself, looks included. He’ll go out of his way to make sure he looks good for you, but he’s still a little nervous that it’s not enough for you. He’s especially worried about the things he can’t change about himself, like height, build, and general facial features.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

YES. He felt incomplete even before meeting you, and now that he has, he’s not going to want to leave your side. He can’t believe that someone as beautiful and perfect as you would ever consider dating him, but even though he thinks you deserve better, he can’t live without you. Even just a few hours apart is torture for him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Kind of wants a pet. Something soft and cuddly to hug when you’re gone. He’s not too fond of the responsibilities associated with owning a pet, but he’d take care of it if you asked him too. If you guys do get a pet, expect to come home to him sleeping peacefully on the couch next to it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

If you repeatedly disappear for hours at a time, with no warning or explanation, you run the risk of him turning yandere. He can’t handle the thought of you cheating, and as much as he’d like to believe you never would, it’s hard to justify when you leave unexpectedly so often.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Definitely falls asleep cuddling you. He’s so happy to have you in his life that even your simple presence is enough to relax him into sleep. If you’re not in the mood to cuddle him (first of all, why?) he’ll settle for holding hands to make you happy, but it takes him a lot longer to fall asleep. Once he’s asleep, he instinctively moves closer to you throughout the night, so there’s really no escape from Setsuno’s sleepy love. On a less obvious note, he secretly wants you to read or sing him to sleep. He’s too shy to ask you for it, but he’d be ecstatic if you offered.

(⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄

#toya setsuno #setsuno toya #toya setsuno x reader #bnha setsuno x reader #bnha setsuno #setsuno x reader #shie hassaikai

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