#we have plenty of streamers and such on here already

[ailurinae]

I remain of the opinion that tumblr live would be basically fine, if when you looked at it you only saw tumblr users, not people from other parts of that live video provider.

Of course, it is also hard to sell people on using a system that seems to have no users... but probably easier than selling a system that seems to have these users to tumblr users.

(also they need to finish making the TOS and privacy policy fully adapted for tumblr and make it more clear what the privacy terms are... I think many of the complaints about that are not actually real issues, but look like they are do to the generic policy)

genuinely feel like im being pranked rn

[skeletonapricationday]

Collaboration

Dead dove do not eat

I do not condone any of these actions and neither should you. This is purely fantasy. Do not forget that.

Warnings: blood kink, choking (gone a little far), bondage bench, face fucking, knotted genitals (fox pp), dark web streaming, recorded sex, and too many more to count.

Minors dni

You move around your messy warehouse excitedly and nervously. All the cameras placed perfectly, even a few mics placed caustiously as to not be in view. You walk over to your computer screens, their bright lights the only lights in the room. They shine on your face as you slip the mask on. Securing it tight. The familiar feeling of power surging through you.

1...2...3...Action!

"Hey my little degenerates! Cobra here today with a very exciting stream." You see the chats and views roll in quickly. The followers you've gained over the years quick to join.

'A new exciting stream! We've missed you Cobra' one writes. 'I've been so lonely without my favorite whore.' Another chimes in. All types of messages on your screens.

"Awee you've missed me. That's so cute." You say, your lips curling into a foul smile. The mask covered the top half of your face, leaving your plump round mouth as the only thing in view. "I missed yall too, but you won't regret why I've been gone for so long...today we have a very exciting guest. Can yall guess who it is?" You ask sickly sweet.

'A guest? Is it a new toy?' A chatter asks. 'No, she never introduces her toys this way.' Another correctly assumes. 'Could it be another streamer?'

"Oh my. You've gone from cold to burning hot chat. You're close~" You purr. Waiting for them to catch on. "C'mon yall begged for this. You should know!" You say fake pouting. Setting up a silent hype for your viewers.

Suddenly the door opens behind you, setting your nerves ablaze. You've never met him before, but you've seen his streams. Always quick to jump in and even tip him. You look over as he stands out of the cameras view, slowly putting on his mask. He's so quick you didn't get to see his face. "Guys! Your surprise is here." You giggle standing. Walking over to him, flaunting your hips as you walk for the camera.

The man barks out a laugh. "My, you seem more excited than your chat." He says in that usual mechanical tone you've come to love.

"Can't help it, I'm also a fan yknow." You giggle nervously.

You can hear the chat going wild. Some already catching on from his voice alone, and others left in utter confusion. You toy with the stockings on your lingire nervously. Wondering what to say or do, but you quickly go back to being professional.

He walks slowly into the frame, walking straight up to a camera. "Hey chat- did you miss me too?" He asks expertly, his reveal making the fans go nuts.

'No way! Cobra did it!' 'I wanna be her, I've always wanted to meet Fox.' 'Shut up and just enjoy this!' The chat goes wild, sending in tips before the show even starts.

You walk over and playfully grab Fox's arm, pulling it close to your barely clothed chest. "Isn't this just exciting! Who knew you'd ever respond to little ol' me." You tease, looking into his cold eyes.

"I'm not dumb enough to reject such an offer! I'm sure plenty would kill to be in my place." He teases back, quick on his feet. "Though I'm sorry for the time crunch, I wish we could've met behind the scenes first." He says earnestly, like he's also excited for this show.

"It's no problem. We're both busy people." You purr out like honey. Voice more animalistic than the fox being in front of you. Excited merely at the thought of this shoot.

He wrenches his arm out of your grasp, grabbing your waist with it. His sharp nails caressing your bare side. "I hate making pretty woman wait, especially when they're famous. Should we get to it?" He asks, then looks back the screen. Fans biting their nails eagerly for this.

This was it. You're a famous gore streamer yourself, frequently buying from Fox's underground trade. Breaking toy after toy. You even did a few streams of just yourself, a nice toy, and a knife, those seem to be the fans favorites. They want to see you in a reversed position. Used the same way you use others. You're pulled out of your thoughts by a harsh grip.

His nails now digging into your side, small spots of blood pouring down from the small puncture wounds. You hiss and groan, receiving a small chuckle in return. "Now now- we haven't even started. Can't have you zoning out...yet." He says, a dark looming foreshadow. You blush under your mask and look at him.

"Sorry I'm a tad nervous. I'm not exactly used to handing over my reigns." You say like an announcer, trying to keep the act up for the fans. He simply looks humored as he pulls his hand away. When he does you quickly show off to the camera the small cresant shaped injuries. Nothing major, not even worse than what you've done to yourself. Simply telling of what's to come.

"So I've brought something special, since I'm being gifted such a special toy." He purrs, walking over and opening a suitcase. Inside is a choke chain you've seen on stream before. "Don't worry doll, that's just the beginning." He hums out. Pulling out the chain and placing it aside. Underneath is a peculiar looking stick. You don't know what it is until he pulls it out, it's a cane. Long, hard, and sturdy. The perfect tool to get yelps out of someone. You gulp nervously, unsure of this, but also entirely sure.

He walks over and grabs your bandage bench, setting it up to fit you. Hooking the choke chain into the ceiling above it. If he wasn't wearing a mask you could swear he was smirking. "Do you understand the plan now doll?" He asks darkly with a honeyed undertone. You nod slowly and understanding. Seeing that the play has already begun.

You look at the camera and pretend to fan your face. "Geez chat it feels like it's already gotten hot in here!" You beam. Feeling Fox come behind you, running his hands up and down your sides.

"I think it's just you." He says into your ear, gripping onto your breast in front of the camera. Pushing them together for the viewers pleasure before teasing your nipples through the lace. Getting a small moan from you. "Afterall, what a cute little outfit. Is this all for me?" He barks out curiously, running his hands down to your thighs. Wiggling and playing with them like a cat.

"Of course it's for you silly. Gotta put on my best wear right?" You respond right back, trying to keep your confidence.

He whispers low into your ear, so quiet the microphones can't pick it up. He's speaking just for you. "Perfect darling. Perfect. Because I'm going to destroy you." He then looks at the camera and crinkles his eyes innocently. He grabs your throat, squeezing lightly.

You gasp as your airflow is weakened, not completely restricted. "Now where do we start with a little inexperienced thing like you?" He quips to the camera. Reading off chat requests till one catches his eye.

'Just strip her already and put her in that chair. I wanna see a Dom squeal.' He laughs at the chatter. Turning your head so you can see the message too. "You hear that doll? Your cute little fans wanna see you turned into a mess. Normally we'd do some kind of light play before getting into the meat of the show but...I can see you're too tantalizing for that." His grip on your throat tightens. Completely cutting off your ability to breathe.

You struggle a bit, surprised by his harsh grip. He only lets out a huff through his nose and squeezes tighter. Causing you to feel a small ring like bruise form on your precious skin. He lets go.

You fall to the floors coughing, holding the concrete floor as a life line. He picks up a camera and zooms it in on your face. "We've only just started and she's already sputtering. Are you sure you aren't just a bottom in disguise?' He asks curiously, running his boot up your thigh, pressing painfully into it.

"Nope, I'm a switch, Fox. Never claimed to be a dom." You giggle out cockily. Looking through the holes of your mask defiantly. Rubbing your throat to ease the pain of the mark, feeling wetness pool at your thighs. His harsh and unloving gaze already turning you on.

"Doesn't mean anything if you're still pathetic." He says, barking out another laugh. Taking his boot off your thigh he notions towards the bdsm bench. Telling you to get ready to be strapped in.

You slowly stand and walk to it. The bandage bench forcing you into a downward dog position. He straps you in carefully, till you can only move your head back and forth, and mildly rock your hips. "You look better positioned like the bitch you are." He says looking down at you. Putting the choke chain around your neck, forcing you to keep your head up. One wrong move and the nails would pierce through your throat, rendering you dead.

"I'm not a dog." You say in a bratty tone. Smirking at him like 'what are you gonna do about it.'

"Sure you are." He smiles, running a cold gloved hand down your back all the way to your ass. Goosebumps forming whereever he touches. He quickly brings a hand down to your ass causing you to yelp. "See? You just barked." He giggles out. Entertained by your shattering ego.

"I don't bark, I moan get it right." You huff in response, rolling your eyes. He can't see it since he's behind you, but you're sure he catches it in one of the several viewfinders. Your kinky play broadcasted to thousands. It makes you grow wetter at the thought, and distracts you enough for Fox to surprise you

A sudden blinding pain vibrates through your body. Starting at your ass and zapping all the way up your spine. You whimper when it subsides. "What is-?" You shout confused.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten? I even showed you." He purrs behind you. Rubbing over the mark on your ass, soothing it with his cold palm. "That's one."

"On-one?" You stutter. Keeping your head painfully up despite the urge to hang your head in pain. "How many are you gonna do Fox." Suddently you scream in pain again.

"Wrong." He states coldly. "Whats my name?" He asks.

You bite your bottom lip in thought but come up blank."Fox-its Fox- AAA." Another slap of the cane.

"Fox is only when you're human." He coos. "And right now you're a toy. What do toys say?" He hums, tapping his nails on your back expectantly.

"Daddy..." You hush out quietly.

"Say it proudly or you've earned another." He grabs the back of your hair, forcing your head even further upward. "Say it, slut."

"Daddy!" You shout, tears pricking your eyes under your mask. You hear a laugh behind you and he lets your head go. Leaving you to hold yourself up.

"Good girl!" He says proudly, a lustful tone underneath. "See it wasn't that hard...but I am." He jokes to the camera. Looking right into the lens like a famous actor.

"You're hard?" You ask excitedly. Your ego lighting aflame in your chest. You made Fox hard. You've won. You did it.

"You don't believe me?" He says with a fake pout. Rubbing his cock against your ass. "Do you believe me now?" He says, rutting his hips a tad, groaning at the clothed contact.

"Yes daddy." You purr. Feeling it twitch in his pants, his tip probably already soaking wet just like you. "I'm wet~" You respond.

You yelp when the cane comes back down on you, this time hitting your thigh. It's difficult to keep your head up on your own through the fire but you manage. "I don't need a naughty girl stating the obvious. Do I?" He ask retortically, not looking for a real answer. He's looking for submission.

"No daddy. You don't." You whine, biting your bottom lip.

"Behave and you'll get rewarded, so will your fans." He hums, a smile in his voice. He walks in front of you and removes the choke chain. Letting you finally hang your head limply, giving your neck a rest. He tsks his tongue "No, no baby. That isn't why I freed you. You got a show to put on!" He says micheviously, like he's reprimanding a toddler.

"What do I do daddy?" You say trying to convince yourself to look up, no matter how limp you felt.

You hear the pop of buttons and that gets your attention. Looking up at him through blurry eyes, blinking rapidly. "So that catches your attention huh?" He teases. He rubs his claw against your bottom lip, smearing your blood from earlier on it. "Open. Do a good job and you won't get the cane for the rest of the night."

'That's right, treat her like the whore she is!' 'This is the best show yet!' 'I'm so glad I paid for this.' Echos of chats and tips come in, but they simply bounce off your blurry mind.

You open your lips slowly, feeling his knotted tip entering your mouth. Jaw being stretched impossibly wide. You hiss at the angle but open your mouth further, allowing him to push in the rest. "Remember, no teeth doll. I feel a single tooth and I'll pull them out of your skull." He beams cheerily. Throwing his head back with a groan as he slides in and out of your wet tight mouth. "It's like you were made for this." He says with a smirk in his wavering tone. His voice gravely, but his groans higher pitched.

You can't properly respond so you hum around him. Sending pleasurable vibrations through his dick. "Oh yea that's it doll. Fuck." He curses and looks back down at you. Making direct eye contact through your mask.

You whine around him, feeling your throat painfully restrict on every thrust. His tail swishing from side to side behind him, betraying his cold gaze and revealing his excitement. You move your tongue around rapidly, hoping it'll make him cum. Wanting nothing more than to feel his salty seed pour down your throat. He starts to thrust faster. Holding you by your hair to angle himself better. "That's it. Take it. Fucking take it." He repeats his words as you feel his cock twitch in your mouth. The veins pulsing more and more, tipping you off that he'll cum soon. You suck harder, desperate. "I'm going cum- that's it. Imma' pour my cum right down your throat. You want that baby?" He urges. Almost like you could say yes. You can't speak so you hum again and that sends him over the edge. Cum painting the inside of your neck. The thick liquid clinging to the walls, almost gagging you. He pulls out slowly with a relieved sigh. You cough and sputter, drool and a little bit of cum leaking down your chin.

"My, my don't you just look pretty. Let's see how wet you've become huh?" You look at him blushed, not wanting him to see the mess you've made. He walks behind you and laughs, gently slapping the side of your ass. "Wow, you really enjoyed that didn't you. Do you often dream of being a cocksleeve?"

You think of lying, but his cold sharp gaze can be felt behind you. You decide against it, clearing your throat. "Yes daddy. I do." He barks out another laugh.

"I made her suck me so hard I made her an honest woman." He teases cockily. Proud of everything. He rubs a hand against your still clothed folds. Collecting slick even through the fabric. You hear lick and slurping behind you, he was cleaning it off his hand. He was tasting you, and he moaned while doing it. "Geez, wish we could bottle this taste."

"That wouldn't sell well daddy." You joke back, he chuckles.

"On the contrary, I think it would be top teir on the sales chart." He giggle and rips your panties in half. Leaving your aching hole in the open, the cold air making you clench around nothing. "I don't even wanna bother preparing you, I mean you're already so wet. What's the point."

"You can just enter daddy...please." You whine, rocking your hips purposefully. Begging to finally get your rocks off after all this pain.

"Whatever you say, don't complain if it's a tight fit." He says proudly, stroking his own ego.

You feel the tip of his cock slip through your folds, teasing and collecting wetness. He even slaps the tip against your clit a few times, earning hefty short moans from your lips. "Daddy please!" You shout and as soon as you do he enters. Painfully stretching you open, filling up your aching cunt all too quickly. You cry and sob out a moan. A mixture of pain and pleasure as his hips meet your abused ass. His balls slapping against your clit.

"This is one tight cunt." He growls approvingly, like he was rating it. Slowly slipping in and out again. Actually giving you a few thrusts to adjust. You moan out babbles of thank you and daddy. "Oh baby I'm not gonna be nice, it just feels like I'm going to break in half. You got one beast of a pussy baby." He chuckles out.

He starts slamming back into you at an impossible speed, each thrust earning a yelp and moan. You whine as his tip kisses your cervix with each aching movement. Your thighs already shaking like you're going to cum. "Not so soon~" He purrs between his own moan. "Daddy has gotta get close first." He says cockily. Leaning down and sniffing your neck. "God you smell so fucking arousing!"

You moan and press your hips back against him, begging nonverbally for more. "Daddy please m' needa cum. Gotta cum daddy please-" You pant out. Bucking and trashing in the bondage bench desperately. More drool dripping down your already coated jaw. Each inahle you can taste his cum again, it only heightens your senses. "Daddy-daddy!" You shout.

"Just a little longer baby mm." He responses softly despite his animalistic pace. "You're gonna take it, and take it, and take it till I tell you otherwise." He punctuates every word with a sharp thrust. Fucking you deep and fast, not even pulling out completely. Every slap of his balls on your clit causing you to scream, tears falling down your face.

" 'mma cum 'mma cum I can't I can't-" You sob out, your cunt clenching impossibly tight around him. You hear a deep gravely sound pull out of him. He leans down into your shoulder and you hear his mask unclip. He bites harshly into your shoulder, blood dripping down onto the floor in front of you. You scream loudly, clenching again. He licks and laps at the wound, hiding his face from the public in your skin.

"Look into the fucking camera when you cum." You hear him put his mask back on. A strong hand gripping the base of your jaw, forcing you to look up. "Cum slut, now." He hisses between clenched teeth.

You do, the whole world turning white. Your walls spasming like crazy on his dick. Squirting onto the floor, his pants, and cock. Clear liquid streaming out of you. The world feels blurry and unreal as all the pleasure hits you. You don't even know if you're moaning, maybe you're talking but you don't know. It all feels too good, it's feels too too good.

"That's it. That's fucking it doll. Cum on daddy." He growls. Shooting hot ropes of seed inside you, burying himself in your cunt. Each pulse is another round of cum slipping out of him and into you. If you weren't on the pill you'd be pregnant for sure. "God I could fucking breed you. Whore." He hisses as he pulls out. Cum dripping down your abused folds.

You chuckle cockdrunk, drool leaking out of your mouth uncontrollably. "Hehe daddy~" You purr.

The lights of all the cameras shut off as you see the room grow darker. He had ended the stream. You're unhooked from the bench and fall right into his arms. He pulls your mask off and his too, bringing you in and kissing you deep. Your blood on his tongue and the taste of his cum of yours. It was like lightning.

"Let's see how good you preform off stream." You hear the dark voice as you fade out of consciousness. Passing out.

[evilminji]

Back on my: Holotuber Jedi Youngling - OC Thoughts >.>

Prev <-

You think folks debate at first? Shtick or Real Thing? Like? No... no WAY could that be one of those Mysterious Mystic Space Cult Kids. No WAY. They would NEVER let their kid be unsupervised on the Net.

But like... (and since I'm a She, gonna use She, but realistically could be any pronouns here) she LOOKS like she's recording from a...? Is that a closet? This one looks like a vent. THIS video is definitely some sort of maintenance area. So she's definitely sneaking...

Ooooh! Thaaaat's a Jedi! REAL FUCKING JEDI. Just dropped down silently behind her. Arms crossed. Mouse droids be snitching. BUSTED.

:T

"Uuuuuuh, h-heeey, Master Uvalii. Fancy seeing YOU here!"

"Yes. Quite interesting isn't it? Since you should not be able to access this area at all, much less to achieve holonet access. Of which we are both aware you are expressly Forbidden To DO unsupervised."

".........I can explain?"

"Please. Do."

*feed ends, chat goes fucking NUTS*

Like? Oh SHIT. Baby Jedi in troooouble. But also? Oh no! What's gonna happen?! Are they gonna be okay?! S-should they TELL somebody? What do Jedi do to kids who disobey them? Does anyone actually KNOW? What DO any of us know about them!? Someone find their Com Code! MA! MA, I need you to yell at space monks! An adorable CHILD MIGHT BE AT STAKE!!! D:>

Even coming BACK on? For a supervised feed? Going "no, I'm just in trouble. Have to right paragraphs and meditate on 'why I felt the need to do this' (even though I KNOW why, not that they'll LISTEN. They just hope I'll meditate until I come to an answer they LIKE)" under the offscreen supervision of a teacher or Creche master?

Whole ass Net gonna be like "youngling! Blink Twice if they're holding you hostage! We can afford bounty hunters! We got a group pot thing going already!!! Aaaaaaaa-!"

Like? *waves at the camera and chat* she TOLD you. They don't believe you. This is part of WHY she wants to do what she's doing. Palpatine's and his Master's machinations have been building for a while. Eroding trust. The Jedi have become strange, dangerous, semi-mythical cryptids with magic powers we must HOPE are benevolent.

Not people.

Why would they expect some unfeeling, magical, sword-wielding space legend to be patient or kind to children? To even have the capacity? We are said to kidnap children and be unfeeling. Can not reach enough people to show otherwise. To reveal the mundanity of our lives. The traditions. The norms.

Food, children, laughter.

The Common Good.

And like? She obviously isn't gonna name Sith-ly NAMES. Not on CAMERA. But her lil "why I wanna play the tooka game and chat about lunch" speech? Convincing. Calms chat down. Still in trouble, mind you. But... provided it's SUPERVISED? And they work out some sort of effective moderation? Alright.

It's a matter of SAFETY, youngling. And no matter HOW much good you wish to do? They will NOT be sacrificing children to achieve it. That is NOT the Jedi way. There are plenty of old masters who would live nothing more then to ramble all day into cameras, if only to here themselves talk. (Oh? Good to know. Guest speakers pog?)

Like? Imagine making a game. Have a "mystical sage" character you TOTALLY BASED of Jedi in it. And your feed gets? Flooded with XD reactions in response to some smol bby streamer playing it? You go to check it out. Cause you're kinda a big deal on your planet. And?

Oh No™

That tiny streamer? Is a tiny JEDI streamer. Who is sitting there, in the stills, going O.o like "Wut." And the next still? Her lil friends are pulled in. The next? A teenager. The NEXT. An adult. The one after THAT. A few adults looking over her shoulder. Then a CROWD. All deeply, deeply confused looking.

The comments are DYING. Howling with laughter. The Jedi were so earnest. Trying to identify which Era you must be referencing. Which sect. But the head dress... cultural, maybe? It doesn't fit with the features though. Could be adopted. A hint at, I believe the term was, "lore"? No, no, those are DEFINITELY padawan beads! But so MANY? In THAT order?

They aren't even connected to a braid! And he's supposed to be a Master, right? But, wait. Perhaps it's meant to suggest he is a Padawan of the Force itself? A student of life? No, that wouldn't make sense! Stolen? It could suggest he has TAKEN the beads? Is regurgitating stolen texts without true understanding? Much like wearing bead he did not EARN?

They keep going and going. Ripping your character design to SHREDS. Picking it apart. Not even meanly! They are genuinely confused. AND IT ONLY MAKES THE CHAT LAUGH HARDER. Because it devolves into a MARATHON, after the game has been paused, of chat spamming different character names? For the Jedi to go "???" Over.

T...that's not? What? How does he even EAT in those robes? And those ones don't seem very non-humanoid friendly. Is he FLOATING HIS SWORD WITH THE FORCE? WHY!? Just keep it on your belt!!!

And? Now every game developer in the galaxy is PARANOID AF. Either make their mystics Very Obviously NOT Jedi rip offs... or shoot a "if I pay you $20 will you consult on something real quick" email. It's just... just easier man. Last guy got laughed into oblivion. Oof.

They can bill it as "Realism" or something. See guys? WE do or reasearch! Give us your credits!

Oh YEAH? Says the growing fan base of this Funky Lil Monk Child. Then put you game where your communication organs are. Send her the game, you cowards.

Do It.

Cut to "oh no, guys! The sorta-jedi died! What? Next objective? No. No we gotta give him a funeral! Oh good, we ca-BURY HIM?! What!? No!!! I could understand if he was from a race that held beliefs that bodies must be returned to the soil from whence they came, but this guy is a SORTA-JEDI! Absolutely NOT!"

"Let's cut down some trees. WE are building him a PYRE. Never ran one of these, but I can look it up. Gimme a moment. Okay. Draaaaag, him on to it. Where's his weapon. There! Thanks chat! On it goes too. Okay. Looking it up..... got it. Ahem...!"

*hold funeral for the sage character by burning his body*

*mods are IMMEDIATELY created to change the "burial" scene to a "Funeral pyre" with somber music*

Just? I can not let go? Of how the subtle shift would spread? Not in shining senatorial halls, but in class rooms and living rooms, dingy pubs and long hyperdrive flights? Anywhere boredom might be found and "hey check this out" might spread? Where someone else, might overhear and get curious?

Lik?? Imagine being the bounty hunter, who fuckin HATES Jedi, thinks they're sanctimonious BASTARDS, hearing someone snort laugh. Just... just fucking CHOKE on their cheep beer. Oh? Now everyone's interested. What's funny?

It's a teeny, tiny, lil jedi youngling. Playing that new Bounty 5 game. Unrealistic as hell. But they are going "I am a MASTER of stealth. A LEGEND of the hunt. You will not see me. I am sneaky. So, so, sneeeeakyyyyy!" As they concentrate on sneaking through back alleys.

Only for their character to fall RIGHT of a ledge, bounce against three buildings, smash into a parked Speeder, and roll right into a cut scene. Where they are call the "greatest bounty hunter of all time".

They look so incredulous.

"Are you SURE? Cause I'm fairly certain that phrase alone is banned for the trouble it causes, near most Bounty outposts. Could be the concussion talking though!"

They are? A sarcastic lil SHIT. Roast EVERYTHING. Know a surprising number of them. Given that they gave the Duros support character a modded in hat. Named him Definitely-Not-Cad. The fake look mustache REALLY sells it. Yeah, Bane. Clearly not you. YOU don't have a mustaches. *watches as she unleashes the Not Cad Bane like a highly tactical meat thresher on legs* brutal lil shit. They like her.

Granted, it's only BECAUSE it's not real she does so.

But I just? Have so many ideas? Spam the Galaxy with "this is who we are. We are people. Develop bonds with us. Care about us. KNOW us." Because the Sith can not possibly kill us all. Can not stop truth, so widely spread. Light dies, when you smother it in closed hands, hidden away in dark and long forgotten places. When you let fear dictate your actions.

It thrives in the open. With people. With the chance to SPREAD. Grow. Bloom.

It's about talking and caring. Being heard. What better place? Then on the screen in their pocket?

@babbling-babull @hypewinter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @spidori

[sinnerandafool]

Idk if anyone is actually wondering about what's going on with Watcher's Patreon but I figure that as a long time Patreon supporter and a person interested in facts, I could shed a little light.

On the day of the streaming site announcement, they posted a very long post explaining in detail what changes the Patreon will go though and why. They outlined the new reward tiers and told the patrons the changes would take effect on 4/22. They also thanked everyone for their support and said that they would understand if people couldn't support the Patreon and the streaming site. They offered a 40% discount on the streaming site.

They also posted the final Watcher Weekly +, which will not be continuing. It will be replaced by PodWatcher +, which I understand to be an extension of regular PodWatcher.

They also posted a slate for the new streamer, stating "we don't want anyone to feel like they're making a blind decision"

For a few days there was nothing, then today (4/21) there was a (suspected to be) scheduled post reminding everyone of the changes to reward tiers.

About an hour later, they posted saying that the podcast would be postponed this week, and they hope we understand, and they are excited to share the episodes with us. The comments were disabled on this post only.

Okay that's the facts.

It needs to be said that there are a few patrons commenting that they are upset about paying a year membership and then having the reward tiers changed to things they don't care about, and that is totally valid. Watcher or Patreon needs to refund these people ASAP, and in my opinion information about refunds for annual subscriptions should have been brought up by the Watcher team. This is really the only criticism I've seen on the Patreon that hasn't been shared a hundred times already, that's why I'm stating it here.

I've seen a lot of exaggeration and speculation on the state of the Patreon, so I just thought I would add some perspective. I've also seen some saying that they are "silencing critique" by disabling comments on the most recent Patreon post. Which is silly, the comments on the other posts they've made this week are still open and there are plenty of negative comments there. Some positive ones too.

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 5 - Catholic Character Tournament

Propaganda below ⬇️

Pope Pinion IV (Cars)

HELLO. IT IS I. THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY ITALIAN TOURNEY. PLEASEPLEASE PUT HIM IN THERE WAS SO MUCH POPE DISCOURSE ON MY ACC AND HE WAS SOLOED IN THE FIRST ROUND BY LUIGI😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 PLEASE AVENGE HIMMMM

The existence of Catholicism in the Cars universe implies that there was (or at least there was believed to be) a car Jesus who died for the cars’ sins, and I for one would like to see how a car gets crucified or sins. I guess the blood/wine here would be gasoline, but what would the body/bread be? How did they sit at the last supper? What is the layout of car church? How does a car build a church? Do other human religions exist in the cars universe? How does a goddess with the body of a human and the head of a cat translate to a car? Do Buddhist cars rein-car-nate? Do cars have souls?

he lost the italian character tournament, he will win here

Harrowhark

I'm pretty sure you've already got plenty of submissions for her so I'll just say she was raised in what is basically a cult (technically a nunnery but let's be real) dedicated to keeping the body of the thing that will kill God behind the rock. One of their prayers is actually "I pray the rock is never rolled away". Harrow is extremely devout as penance for her earlier heretical actions in the tomb as a child (spoiler!) so the Catholic guilt really comes through

imagine being a catholic nun and you meet god, but it turns out he’s a twitch streamer from new zealand who became god because everything got a little bit out of hand. and just before you met him you gave yourself a diy grief-fuelled lobotomy with the help of your best frenemy. imagine how insane you’d be. now multiply that insanity by nine. that’s the fictional love of my life right there.

she meets god. she’s not inspired

she’s number one practitioner of space Catholicism. The locked tomb is chock full of Christian (catholic) imagery themes metaphors etc. just look at her she’s got a bone rosary

They're Catholicism with extra bones. Everyone is a nun. They have what is basically a rosary made from knuckle bones. They technically worship the same God as everyone else, but they're waaaay more focused on The Body in the Tomb (Mary) and we get a moment where we find out that while everyone else prays the equivilent of The Lords Prayer, they're doing the equivilent of Hail Mary. And they paint their faces with skulls.

She thinks leaving dry bread in a drawer is taking care of someone. She's in love with a 10,000 year old corpse (the same one they worship). She spent ALL NIGHT digging with her bare hands to make sure a field had bones every 5 feet so she could fight her girlfriend - I mean, greatest enemy. Spoiler territory: She's been puppeting her parents corpses since she was 8 years old. Instead of grieving her dead girlfriend, she gives herself a lobotomy. She makes soup with bone in it so she can use the bone IN THEIR STOMACH to try and kill them.

The author is/was Catholic and the entire series had heavy Catholic overtones. https://www.tor.com/2020/08/19/gideon-the-ninth-young-pope-and-the-new-pope-are-building-a-queer-catholic-speculative-fiction-canon/ A good breakdown of how it's Catholic

Anti-propaganda (spoilers)

I love the Locked Tomb series but Harrowhark has daddy issues with God, had a childhood crush on God's cryogenic partner, and is in love with God's daughter, not to mention that she's essentially a bone-bender. The religion on her home planet exists in a way that is technically against the will of the canon in-universe God, even. All of this to say, Harrowhark is heretical at minimum if not an outright witch. Terrible Catholic. Burn her.

[kaz-oooo]

I’ve already done music recommendations so, you can check out these posts (playlists and list of artists) if you’re looking for that specifically. But Wilbur made a lot of content over the years and idk, i figured I’d make a a list of recommendations for similar content to fill that void as well :)

Minecraft SMP’s (specifically DSMP)

The same SMP’s but other POV’s — I’ll just start with this cos it’s the most iffy. There’s plenty of enjoyment to be had with these fandoms still, and I personally don’t think we need to let the actions of a couple shitty guys ruin the silly Minecraft roleplay we all enjoy. That said, if you aren’t comfy watching these anymore that’s perfectly valid as well, especially since Wilbur’s character will be lurking around in the background of plenty of these. But yeah, we can also uplift other creators by watching the fun stories they made, especially those who got buried by bigger creators at the time. So Dream SMP, QSMP, Origins SMP, SMP earth, SMPlive all have content you can enjoy.

Different, completely unrelated SMP’s — hermitcraft, the life series, empires SMP (shubble was involved in this one, I’m planning on watching her POV when I find some time) etc. I’ve had plenty of people recommend these to me before, from what I’ve seen they’re very enjoyable :)

Hamilton — not even joking, if you enjoyed the L’manberg era of DSMP and you didn’t watch Hamilton, I’d heartily recommend it. Great music, lots of politics but all in a fun and silly way, also tragic endings!

Editor Wilbur ARG (I’m a massive ARG fan so I have tonnes of recommendations here)

Generation Loss — Ranboo’s very awesome Horror project that they’ve been working very hard on!!! Ranboo’s been teasing new content lately as well so that’s exciting

Analog horror series — Local 58, Gemini Home Entertainment, Mandela Catalog, Kane Pixel’s Backrooms videos, etc. All very good and spooky videos, definetely an inspiration for Gen Loss, and I know Wilbur enjoyed this content as well (though the editor Wilbur arg predates a lot of this genre) those are some of the biggest on YouTube atm, and some of my personal favourites, but there’s plenty more to find (I recommend channels like Nightmind and Nexpo who do analysis videos for all this horror and ARG stuff if you wanna find more)

Marble Hornets — gets its own category! One of the original analog horror genres (predated the genre actually) it’s basically one of the biggest and most comprehensive Slenderman series out there. There’s a LOT of content here and lots of lore and mystery (though a lot of the game clues have been lost to time) (Jack Manifold also reacted to this on stream, it was very chill and good fun)

Horror podcasts — Magnus Archives and Magnus Protocol, Malevolent and Archive 81 are some of my favourites, but there’s plenty more out there to find and enjoy :). Also very spooky with lots of mystery to involved, the Magnus Protocol is very new as well so great time to get into that!

Just Chatting / Geoguessr / other chill content

Geoguessr streamers / YouTubers — honestly I genuinely didn’t watch much geoguessr content outside of Wilbur’s streams so, I don’t have many recommendations here. I know Eret has been doing geoguessr streams lately and their content is very good and chill. Jacksuckatlife plays as well and last I watched he was fairly good at it (like similar skill level to Wilbur), otherwise Rainbolt is a geoguessr legend, he terrifies me a little ngl.

Other streamers — I think the thing with the just chatting streams is that we watch for *that specific streamer’s* personality. It’s hard to really make recommendations other than just saying go watch more of the streamers you enjoy. Personally I enjoy Phil’s hardcore streams, and Sneegsnag’s Crime Time the most, but there’s plenty of other people both in this MCYT space and outside of it that you’ll probably enjoy :)

Sorry boys (unlike horror I don’t watch much comedy so, sorry, this’ll be lacking)

Just Roll With It — Charlie Slimecicle’s DND podcast. I’ve only listened to a little bit of this but it’s really good and REALLY silly (oh, and emotional sometimes, gotta have a bit of angst y’know) Wilbur was a guest on a couple of episodes, but you can always skip past those if you want.

Tommy’s videos — so Wilbur features in a lot of the early vlogs and *minecraft but* videos, but Tommy’s content has always been good fun, his recent stuff is excellent as well! He’s been doing a lot of comedy content lately, specifically a live show so definitely check that out if you want :)

Smosh pit — not something I’ve watched a lot of, but I’ve seen clips of their try not to laugh videos and they’re definitely on par with the bat shit improv you get from Sorry Boys.

Game changer — again, not something I’ve watched much, mostly consumed through osmosis, but the show is funny, the cast is always silly and it’s a lot of fun all round

Whatever else Sorry Boys make after this — judging by some of the responses to Wilbur’s “statement” I think it’s fair to assume if Sorry Boys do continue making content Wilbur will be cut from the group. Of course don’t feel obligated to stick around if you don’t want to, but Wilbur won’t be compensated if he’s kicked and the rest of the guys are still fun :)

YLYL and similar goofy stuff

Just… other streamers again — Jack Manifold does YLYL streams with his friends. James Marriott does a lot of reaction videos as well, sometimes YLYL, sometimes reacting to content his viewers send in (like TikTok’s and break up texts), those are my favourites atm.

YouTubers — that niche between video essay and reaction content, people like Danny Gonzales, Drew Gooden, Kurtis Conner, Pinely, all good fun YouTube channels that make good, silly, and easy to consume content.

Other gaming streamers and YouTubers — Slimecicle, Ranboo, Games Grumps, RT games, and SneegSnag all play a wide variety of games, they’re all relatively chill but none of them take the games all that seriously either so it’s fun and goofy as well :)

And of course Fanfiction!!!

I might be a little bias here cos I write myself but fic is created by and for fans and it exists to give you even *more* content about the stories you love, whether it be reimagining canon events or just dumping your favourite characters into a silly au.

I know a lot of authors (myself included) are feeling super conflicted and weird about writing Wilbur in the future. Plenty of authors have been moving onto new fandoms so if you find something you enjoy make sure you check out the author’s other work and who knows, maybe you’ll find some cool new fandoms that way!

And do the same for artists and other creators, or even go check out some of your mutuals fandoms, you guys might have more in common than you originally thought!

[synnthamonsugar]

Sending an ask instead of commenting because I prefer to keep discourse away from my blog. but, I have to get some of this off my chest. it's bound to be lengthy, so don't feel like you have to read/respond. you just seem like maybe you'll get my point. Read this as one big I statement because of course it's my opinion and I'm not out here reading everyone's minds.

On that last post. I think a lot of people have gone and manic-pixie-dream-girl'd Eris beyond recognition, and that some of shippers (not all, ofc) have spent so much time with their own headcanons & fanfic that they've forgotten how their real dynamic is. It's easy to project a relationship onto them if you're already looking for one. People see them bicker and go "aw, they're arguing like an old married couple!" when, no. They're just arguing.

Drifter definitely flirts with her, but she doesn't reciprocate and I don't even think that it's necessarily serious. That man would flirt with a wall if he thought it would be funny. He seems like the type to tease people that way regardless of gender or attraction to them.

I don't deny that there's something between them. knowing the lore as I do I think it's safe to say that they're somewhat close, whatever that can even mean for either of them, but for fucks sake close isn't always romantic. Are they friends? Maybe. Can either of them have friends at their level of stability? I genuinely don't know. I don't think that we've been given enough to go off of, honestly. I don't like the idea that they're going to magically have their trauma cured by dating each other. She doesn't need him to "file down her teeth", and I don't think that he would. He definitely seems to benefit from her input, though. I don't feel like their relationship is very balanced in that. There's plenty of lore to back up him getting and using advice from her, and it being helpful to him, but I haven't seen much the other way around. He's immature in a way that she isn't, and people seem to think she's going to settle for that.

I don't care who people ship or what their headcanons are, that's all their own business. If I don't like it, it's not like I'm going off on their blogs in the space they've made themselves about why I don't agree with them. I prefer to just back off a bit, let them have their space and I'll have mine. But I don't always see that respect going both ways, and it starts to really bother me when people try to project their headcanons onto other blogs and onto the developers. Almost anything I see of them independently, it seems someone has to show up with "but where's [the other one]", and I've seen shippers go after multiple people for asking that their fanart of the two isn't tagged as ship art. It's just overstepping at that point.

Of course, I don't like lumping a bunch of people under the single label of drifteris shippers and calling them all a problem, I'm well aware that it's probably a loud minority silent majority type situation and I'm not going to assume someone's like that just because that's their content. But a lot (that I've seen) are.

On the misogyny part, I've definitely seen it in some. I'm a guy, so I'm probably not going to have the world's best explanation of why, but what gets to me is mostly the over-romanticism of Eris as his quirky goth gf. It's dumb and often comes off as objectifying. Sometimes it's like people think she's some edgy egirl twitch streamer. I find it strange how much fanart of her changes her appearance too, given we can barely actually see her. And sometimes it winds up painting Drifter as this douchy dudebro that he just isn't. One of the best things about his character to me is that he has his attitude without the shit treatment of women that comes along with it with most similar characters in games. I don't understand the need to turn around and twist him into someone that pushes her boundaries, which is pretty necessary to read their arguments as flirting.

I don't know what else to say, it's late and I'm tired and I'll probably feel stupid for letting myself get wrapped up in fandom discourse but I might as well say it while the conversation is happening.

(adding in case you do post this) v

No shade to shippers that don't fit the description I've put here. If you're reading this and go "Hey! I don't do that!" then obviously I don't mean you. You're all just doing what makes you happy and, hey, go for it. Tumblr is a great place for that. It's only an issue (imo) when that crosses the line into expecting everyone else to have the same headcanons or ignore what is canon. Go make art and fanfic and whatever you want, there's plenty of people who will appreciate it. I'm glad the positive side of the ship fanbase helps boost both of their stories, I hope it winds up driving Bungie to put more content in of them, together or apart.

Thank you for the thoughtful message Anon. Honestly I cosign all of this and wish I could respond to each of your points, but will at least try to cover a few of the ones that hit most with me.

Replies under the cut, since this is a long one ...

I think a lot of people have gone and manic-pixie-dream-girl’d Eris beyond recognition

I've thought about this for awhile. Eris is frequently written as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl insofar as being the offbeat catalyst for a jaded man's journey to a better version of himself.

He seems like the type to tease people that way regardless of gender or attraction to them.

Whether you ship them or not, it's odd seeing Drifter's canon characterization as a recklessly charismatic flirt lost in fanon. That special significance is placed on his flirtation with Eris, and not with the Guardian, Orin, Efrideet, or Rahool, or the others I'm probably forgetting.

Of course, the Guardian is a blank slate the player can project motives onto, and the others are characters whose interactions with Drifter are limited to lore. His & Eris' interactions stand out. That still doesn't mean it's inherently romantic; I've platonically flirted, held hands, snuggled, danced, bed-shared, and other things fans would dedicate thousands of words of shipfic to were I a fictional character.

Though reading it as such is fine (and I'll concede, probably lines up with the authors' intent, since we know some of them are shippers), nothing in the lore is explicitly romantic. Note, authorial intent, word-of-god and canon are all separate things, as much as fandom conflates them.

An aside, it's interesting how fanon surrounding Drifter paints him as socially anxious, touch starved, romantically awkward ... until he meets Eris. While I understand the utility in shipping — to emphasize the One True Love aspect since serial monogamy, much less polyamory, is unknown to most, especially F/M, shippers — it also comes off as "did not read the lore" at best, and "perpetuating negative stereotypes about Asian men" at worst.

Can either of them have friends at their level of stability? I genuinely don’t know.

This is why Eris' and Drifter's dynamic peaked in Arrivals & Beyond Light. The tenuousness of their alliance, the acceptance and rejection of each other's flaws, the trust between them that wasn't earned but necessary to survive. It was fun, tense and compelling and I wish more of the fandom focused on this era of their relationship.

I don’t like the idea that they’re going to magically have their trauma cured by dating each other.

Cosigned. The idea that love can mend any wound, heal any trauma, or fix any flaw is textbook amatonormativity, and has unfortunate implications when applied to Eris' story. I shouldn't have to detail why "woman overcomes trauma with the affection of a man" leaves a bad taste in my and many other fans' mouths, especially when it's favored over her longer-standing relationships with other characters. Why is her bond with Ikora ignored? Zavala? Asher? Mara? Why is so much of her growth pinned on one man, when there are other, deeper relationships that have existed since practically the beginning of Destiny's narrative? Why is there so little shipping surrounding Eris and these other characters?

Almost anything I see of them independently, it seems someone has to show up with “but where’s [the other one]”, and I’ve seen shippers go after multiple people for asking that their fanart of the two isn’t tagged as ship art.

I don't typically engage with popular Destiny ships, but I draw Mara Sov frequently. By herself, and, frequently, in non-Marasjur pairings. Not once have I gotten a "Where's Sjur?" comment, or even a "Where's Shaxx?" for that matter, as pushy as the "helmet stayed on" bros are. Meanwhile, I expect these comments when posting Eris art, particularly Eris F/F. I've had this happen in art I've drawn of her and Drifter with a disclaimer that the art is platonic/not to tag as ship! At that point it's not misunderstanding, it's entitlement.

I don’t like lumping a bunch of people under the single label of drifteris shippers and calling them all a problem

Agreed. I'm technically an Eris/Drifter shipper in the sense of consuming and producing art & fic for them, though I've pulled back from interacting with that part of the fandom because [waves hands generally]. I have no issues with drifteris as a ship, nor enmity drifteris shippers as a whole, but the individuals who engage in rude behavior.

what gets to me is mostly the over-romanticism of Eris as his quirky goth gf.

I'm going to repost what @/unsaelig said, since it's a salient point:

"I have no actual way of proving this, but given how much it’s been a staple, for the past 9 years, to speak of Eris as an unpleasant, unstable, worrying, suspicious individual, and given how much people like to fixate on how Eris & Drifter’s dynamic “softens” her and makes her more palatable and conventional, I do strongly feel Drifter is probably brought up with her as a “package deal” so often because in their eyes he “defangs” her & makes her much easier to take."

I do think there's a popular fandom read on Drifter as a funny, quirky guy who's a little out-of-pocket, an edgier fandomified-and-flanderized Cayde-6, if you will, and that Eris has to naturally follow by being an inoffensively gothy dommy mommy. It's perplexing, it's objectifying, and it makes me wonder what people are actually shipping them for if they sand down their characterization so much.

I don’t understand the need to turn around and twist him into someone that pushes her boundaries, which is pretty necessary to read their arguments as flirting.

The misogyny - amatonormativity combo again. Before anyone comes for me because I like enemies-to-lovers: sword-fighting your beloved to the death over a pit of lava isn't normalized, but saying that boys who bully girls are "just flirting" is. "I hate my wife", "I wish my husband was dead" and "ol' ball and chain" 'jokes' are. The patriarchy instructs men to disrespect women, and tells women to be flattered by the disrespect of men because at least you're receiving a man's attention. It's neither cute nor funny, and I equally dislike it when empoweringly reversed so that the man is the target of the insult.

No shade to shippers that don't fit the description I've put here. If you're reading this and go "Hey! I don't do that!" then obviously I don't mean you.

Cosigned completely. I know I have reputation as an arch-hater, but I have nothing but respect for people who are shipping them in ways that don't play into tired stereotypes of M/F relationships. (Or misogyny, or racism, or...)

Sometimes I wonder if I should try to put more good Eris/Drifter out there, but most of the time I fear I would only be stemming the tide; I am just one person with limited resources, and there is so much out there that my work will go unnoticed and my time is better spent boosting small ships that need the help.

Mostly I wish there was more focus on Eris and Drifter as individuals, in the game and in the fandom, further exploration of their bonds with other characters, and an environment where a wider range of gen and ship fic/art could flourish.

[heartfullofleeches]

NOW DO HUMAN C.C AND DEMON! READER. I AM BEGGING. ANYTHING? I imagine C.C as am idol or streamer (since for stripper we have June??). And the tattoo artist Baron vs C.C human fighting over who gets to feel reader.

(Canon C.C is a D.J which I feel transfers over fine.)

"Hey dude, loved your set!"

"Thank you so much!" C.C smiles and puts on a good face - shoving the fan aside as passively as he could once they've taken up too much of his time. He storms off stage, eyes scanning the crowd as he clamps down on his polished nails.

Where are you, where are you?

A packed venue and the greedy nymph was close to losing his shit. It was his first week back after a needed hiatus and the tensions were high. He needed something to help him with the rest and went to the only person who could help.

"Just focus on one person in the crowd and think of them as your muse. Maybe a close friend or acquaintance?"

His brother was an obvious no-go, but that guy from the antique store gave pretty solid advice. C.C had plenty of friends, but none he'd fancy looking towards for peace of mind. He found his muse that first night and was lucky enough to see them the rest of the week. A pretty face, but one easy to lose in a large crowd. Something about those eyes too. The only problem was he'd gotten a tad bit too hooked on that serenity, and fallen for that mystery person. He needed to know what their voice sounded like and if they were free this weekend. What their favorite color was and if it'd look good as his next dye job.

C.C admits defeat at the bar, ready to drown his sorrows away in whatever top shelf trash he could get his hands on.

"One Coke, please. For him."

C.C side eyes the person next to him, snorting back a laugh as the drink is set out for him. "Is that how you get noticed by all the pretty girls?"

"No, just ones I'd like to feel no remorse by morning."

C.C catches a glimpse of that familiar grin from his peripheral view as the stranger laughs, placing those angelic lips round the rim of their glass. His throat feels dry, and every breath only increases in tightness in his lungs.

"Well, it's better to start the night off dry anyway." His nails clink against the glass as he takes it in his trembling mitts, drowning himself in the fizzy drink until the cup was empty. "So, you got a name? Seen you around here the past couple of nights and it'd be a shame to let you slip away again without knowing."

He's not planning on letting them anywhere, but it's probably better if they're unaware of this tidbit. He hasn't had the best of luck in the past, but he's getting one thing tonight if it's the last thing he does. Their phone number, or their license plate.

"It's Y/n. I'm normally not one for big crowds, but the music has picked up in quality lately. I assume it's your doing, but you already have enough talent with that cute face."

C.C chokes on pure air. "So... What's your favorite color?"

[queenofthearchipelago]

So watcher keeps their patreon and the supporters over there have to pay twice if they want to see everything? Or will the patreon content be available on the streamer as well? This is confusing.

So my understanding of the situation the Patrons are in right now is that the ONLY benefit to continuing to pay for the patreon subscription is that they still get access to Watcher Podcasts.

So yes, the Patrons have to pay "double", essentially. Probably what's going to happen is that a lot of people on the patreon cancel their subscription. It simply isn't worth it anymore.

And as for whether the exclusive content on the patreon is moving to the streamer, I don't think so. I scanned the website for exactly this when I looked at it. I'm pretty sure if they were moving the patreon stuff over there, then there would be more Watcher Weekly and behind the scenes at Watcher videos on the streamer.

I agree it's very confusing. Seeing posts from patrons on here and then also finding some patrons in the comments section of the YouTube video, it sounds like the patrons are just as upset as we are. Like... the whole point of the patreon was to help fund them because we liked THEM as creators and didn't want them behind a paywall. And so if I had been a patron, this decision would feel even more like a betrayal because Watcher is simply saying they weren't good enough.

Like I genuinely don't know how to emphasize that those 12,122 people (last I checked) that subscribed to be patrons were doing that so that the 3 Million people who were subscribed to the free YouTube channel wouldn't have to.

Usually when a creator makes a patreon, the understanding is that the content Simply Would Not Exist without them. There are plenty of YouTubers and other creators who rely on their patrons to make the content worth the time and resources to make, and if the patrons disappeared then the creations would simply stop happening, the creator would have to find a new project or potentially a new job. It's essentially the same relationship you have between a commissioner and a creator. Patrons give the money for the creator to create what they make best.

But this decision from Watcher makes it feel like they're looking at their Entire Audience this way. They see the difference between 12k patrons and 3M subscribers on YouTube, and they feel that if they forced those 3M to pay, then they could lose the ads and do what they want with production.

But those 12k patrons were there by grace. With kindness. Those 3M subscribers were there because they were welcomed with love, not because they could obviously afford to be a patron and they were just chosing not to be. (Because apparently anyone and everyone can afford this, right?) The 3M subscribers are not a funding resource to be mined. They weren't an untapped fountain that was holding back the water.

We loved them. We thought we were respected for just being there. It's not even that we feel entitled to free content, it's that if Buzzfeed had been behind a paywall, most of us never would have heard of these guys. And with this move being primarily about production quality, it implies that things of "quality" must be behind a super expensive paywall. And that simply isn't true.

I've even already seen some YouTubers discussing this move, saying they have more than 25 employees and they manage to pay them. YouTubers who know how to do the math on how much money each Watcher video would make, and they they should be turning a profit with each episode. The quality should be possible without betraying the fans this way.

But I've already talked a lot here, and this is waaaaay beyond the question that I was asked lol. It's just that while the average viewer of Watcher is disappointed and upset about this, the patrons already had money in this, and they're in such a strange place now.

[cyncerity]

I am becoming a utter bitch for Jackmanifold so I was curious if he is in your Epic au and if so tell me about him

Hi hi hi!! I know this ask was sent like a year ago but uh in case you’re still curious, he’s basically Tommy’s nanny! Phil got tired of Tommy running off so he’s been hiring people to try and keep an eye on him (keyword: try)

Anyway Jack is my comfort streamer so I always want to include him in stuff, so I wanted to write a short little thing to show his dynamic with Tommy and Niki. This “short little thing” turned into a full story and character designs because I have no self control! Hope you enjoy!!

(btw anyone who can pick out the song quote in here and tell me what it’s from gets a cookie)

“Hold on, get back here!” Jack yelled running after the young prince, who stopped his sprint down a hallway to turn and look back at Jack with a disapproving stare. Jack stopped and took a few deep breaths from exhaustion before continuing through pants. “I promised his majesty that I wouldn’t let you out of my sight, and I intend to keep that promise. The last thing I want is the fuckin king mad at me…again.” Tommy simply rolled his eyes, hands on his hips as he took a few steps towards the older leafmen. “Ooo King Philza this, King Philza that,” Tommy said in a mocking tone. “Let’s be honest with ourselves here Jack, if Phil hasn’t fired you yet he’s not gonna. The last guy got kicked after losing me like 4 times and you’re already way past that. The only reason you still have a job is cause you’ve got connections in high places.” “Is not!” “Is too!”

“God you’re so immature,” Jack said, having finally fully caught his breath. “Maybe if you could actually be responsible and not fuckin disappear every day then the king wouldn’t need to assign you a-“ “Babysitter. You’re a babysitter.” Tommy cut him off, only angering Jack further. “You’re such a fucking child! Why can’t we have one normal conversation about you disappearing under my watch, it’s like you want me to get exiled or something!” “Oh my dad’s not gonna exile you,” Tommy responds nonchalantly, “Niki likes you too much for that.” “There are only so many times you can lose the crown prince before his dad will get fed up. Niki isn’t more powerful than the fucking king, Tommy.” “No, but she’s one of his best soldiers, which means her and her happiness is important to him, and for some unexplainable reason you’re part of that happiness. Phil isn’t gonna risk losing his General cause he dismissed her best friend like he dismissed the rest of the fucks he hired to watch me.”

That made Jack pause. He knows Phil; they’ve had plenty of talks personally (well, personally with Schlatt in the room too, as if Jack would ever pull something with the ruler of the whole goddamn forest). In all the talks he’s had with Phil, he’d never guess that anyone’s personal happiness was important to him. The kingdom’s happiness? Sure, of course, that was his fucking job, after all. But, personally? Jack just always assumed that Phil was kind of a cold guy. To hear that he valued Niki’s happiness personally, even for his own gain, was…an odd thought. “Phil cares about Niki?” Jack asked, though he wasn’t quite sure why. Tommy seemed just as confused, before shrugging it off. “Yeah, ‘course he does. She and Schlatt are, yknow, his friends.” That genuinely shocked Jack. “There’s something in that guy to befriend??” He questioned, though as soon as the words came out of his mouth he regretted it. Tommy’s face wore absolute shock, and Jack quickly slapped a hand over his mouth as they both stared at each other in silence.

“I- I’m so-“ Jack’s poor attempt at an apology was cut off by roaring laughter from Tommy, the teen bent over to his knees wheezing as Jack stood terrified. He’d almost forgot that he was in the presence of the second most powerful person in the forest, magically and politically. That the boy in front of him was just as capable of exiling him to The Bogs as King Philza was. And, just as a bonus, Tommy never let Jack doubt the fact that he didn’t fucking like him. And now he’s just gone and insulted the king and gave his son a free pass to get rid of him for good. Oh fuck.

But, to his shock, when Tommy righted himself his face was absolutely beaming. He wiped a tear from his eye as he slapped a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Ok, I take it back, maybe I can see why Niki likes you, just a little bit though.” “S-so you’re not…gonna tell Phil..?” Jack asked, his fear only slightly relieved. When Tommy’s face morphed from humored to smug, though, that fear was immediately back. “Well, I think that can be arranged…for a price.” “Price?” “Yeah, let’s put it like this; you let me go right now and don’t make me tell you where i’m fuckin going, and I don’t report you for lèse-majesté.” Tommy stuck out a hand, and Jack shook it before he could even fully fathom what he was agreeing to. “Deal, a hundred times deal, your dad would fucking kill me.” Tommy just laughed. “Good man. Well, i’ll see you later then, Jack! Good luck with Schlatt when he comes to ask where I am!!” Tommy chuckled as he began to walk away.

“Wait, your majesty!” Jack shouted, and Tommy turned, seemingly slightly annoyed that Jack was still trying to talk to him when he so clearly wanted to fuck off to wherever he went to when he disappeared for hours. Jack knew he had to be careful with this; he’d just made Tommy like him a little bit, he couldn’t lose that yet. “Just…when you get back, can we talk about this? A bit? I don’t care where you go, for fucks sake you can do magic, I know you can protect yourself, but can we like…work out when you leave or don’t? So your dad doesn’t absolutely fucking hate me? He may be a bitch but he’s still my boss.” Jack hoped that insulting Phil again (as horrified as it made him feel) would open Tommy’s mind to the idea since it had seemingly worked before, and given that Tommy seemed less annoyed, it apparently worked. “You mean…you’d cover for me? Without even knowing where I’m headed off to? You would lie to the king for me?” “I mean, sure, man, why the hell not. Right now I don’t know where you are and I get in trouble, I’d much rather not know where you are and not get in trouble. Plus, who’s gonna turn me in for lying, you? You’d be turning yourself in.”

Tommy stood in shock, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and that scared Jack. Shit, had he overstepped a boundary somewhere? Was Tommy angry that he would advocate a scheme against his dad? Did he just fuck himself over?? But Tommy, ever so full of surprises, just smiled at Jack. “We’ll see, let me think about it. I’ll let you know when I get back.” He said, and held a fist in front of him. Jack smiled unsurely and fistbumed him, making Tommy chuckle as he turned and continued down the hallway.

Oh Prime, what has he got himself into?

~~~

“So, Jack, where is my son?” King Philza said, sat at his desk in his chambers, and Jack could barely utter a word. Schlatt stood behind Phil on his right, face as stone cold and intimidating as ever. Niki, bless her heart for arguing to be in the room with him for this, stood behind Phil on his left, eyes pleading with Jack for him to think of something. But, truly, in the dozen or so times he’s had to do this because Tommy fucking sucked, he’s never had an excuse. He’d always just apologized and Phil had disappointedly sent him home for the night with the command that he’d better be able to do his job tomorrow. That he’d better know where Tommy was the next night. It never happened, he never did, and this “i’m not mad i’m just disappointed” routine with the fucking king had become a nightly routine. Jack was getting kind of sick of it.

“Jack?” Philza repeated, and Jack sighed. “Your majesty, I-“ The door was kicked in suddenly, scaring the shit out of Jack and no one else in the room (fuck the royals and the guards and their unnatural lack of fight or flight), the prince in question proudly standing in the doorway, panting and exhausted but excited looking. “Holy shit!” he shouted. “You were right Jack! This was a tough book to find!” Tommy chuckled only mildly unbelievably before chucking a book at Jack, who quickly caught on. “Ah, yes! I was just about to tell his highness your father that you were down in the library grabbing a book on…uh, gardening…yeah! Yeah, we…we gardened today.” Jack lied through his teeth. “Yeah, we were looking into where the best place for crops would be so the bugfolk have a good harvest this spring! Y’know, doin some charity work, spreading peace and kindness and all the shit you preach, yeah?” Tommy continued, waltzing up to the king’s desk and leaning on it. Jack had to keep himself from gasping, reminding himself that Tommy was the prince and therefore wouldn’t be harshly punished for showing such disrespect in a royal’s presence. He himself was a royal, after all, though that didn’t make his lax behavior any less unexpected in an area that Jack had come to know as strict and horrifyingly stressful.

“So you were…out gardening.” Philza repeated, seemingly not buying a word, and Jack felt his heart stop. Tommy, however, was unfazed. “Yeah!” Tommy exclaimed, ignoring his father’s skepticism in favor of pulling a map out of the book in Jack’s hand. The map was a hand-drawn top view of the forest, with doodles, circles, arrows, and written notes scribbled all around it. He proudly came around to Phil’s side and excitedly began rambling about every little thing on the map. If Jack didn’t know that Tommy was his son, he’d assume that Phil was on the verge of exiling him based on his face alone. He seemed…more than annoyed, he seemed straight up miserable sitting and listening to Tommy talk. Yeesh, maybe this was why he had to hire someone to be around him. It seemed like an overreaction to listening to his kids talk about plants, he looked like he wanted to die right then and there.

“-so I think the best place for the sugar cane would be this spot where there aren’t any trees so it gets super hot, and it’s close to the lake but not too close so the soil doesn’t get waterlogged, which means the dirt will be ideal fo-“ “Stop!!” Philza shouted, slamming his hands on his desk and startling everyone in the room, even his guards. He dropped his head into his hands and sighed, fully missing the reaction of everyone in the room. Schlatt’s eyes were wide and Niki looked panic. Tommy looked…scared. Well, scared for all of .2 seconds before his expression shifted to something smug. Phil looked up at him with pity and Tommy’s reaction quickly changed into innocent confusion, slipping a mask back on to continue his act.

“Just…just stop. Listen, Tommy, I’m glad you think you’re helping. I am. But we can’t involve ourselves in the bugfolk’s problems. Their crops provide absolutely nothing to us, it’s a waste to fix what they need to be fixing amongst themselves.” Jack saw Tommy’s mask crack a bit. “But they’re like us, dad, they’re our people! This winter has been rough for them and they need all the help they can ge-“ “No, Tommy.” Phil interrupted, eyes turning hard, any and all pity gone. “They may be our people, but they’re not like us. They will never be like us. They’re in our land, and we allow them to be, with all of the benefits that come from living here. That’s all we owe them, nothing more, nothing less. End of conversation.” Tommy’s facial expression was blank, though if looks could kill, Jack was sure that Tommy would have needed a coronation by the next morning. He was pissed at Phil. A bubbling, festering anger that was sure to explode and cause permanent damage at some point in the near future.

However, it wouldn’t today.

Tommy, ever the actor, breathed out deeply to compose himself before rolling up his map. “‘Course, dad. Whatever is best for our p-…for the forest. You know best.” “You’ll learn, Tommy.” Philza said, reaching out to hold Tommy’s fists that curled around his map. “You’ll be a great king someday. A wise man once said: ‘the line between naivety and hopefulness is almost invisible.’ You just haven’t found the line yet, and I don’t expect you too at your age. In time you’ll learn just as I did exactly what needs to be done to keep the people you care about safe.” Tommy just stood, pointedly not answering. Philza sighed. “You are dismissed, Tommy. And Jack, good work today, keep this up. You are dismissed as well.” Tommy, deadpan as ever, walked back towards the entrance as Jack bowed in response. Well, tried to. Tommy yanked him by the shoulder and dragged him out of the room midway down, almost making him drop the gardening book.

As soon as they were far enough away from the chamber, Tommy dropped jacks arm and started screaming with clenched teeth, yanking on the petals on his head and kicking the nearest wall to him. Jack figured it was best to just…let him have his moment. “UUGGHHH, just, who does he think he is?! ‘oH Tommy they’re not liKe uS, they’re our people but they’re woRsE cause they’re not LeAveS’ it’s fucking ridiculous!! He barely knows anything about them, who is he to just decide that we just shouldn’t help with their crops?!” Tommy yelled, kicking another wall. “I- i don’t know, man.” Jack whispered, unsure if any of what Tommy said was rhetorical. Tommy looked over at him and just sighed.

“Sorry, it just drives me up a fucking wall. He thinks he’s the prime example of a fucking king and meanwhile he hates like half his citizens, and 3/4 of the forest as a whole, it’s fucking ridiculous.” Jack stood for a minute, eyes wide. What did he say? 3/4 would imply that he was upset that Phil hated…the enemy? “Well…he, uh, at the very least protects us from the boggins, but yeah…all that stuff about bugfolk, that wasn’t, uh, that wasn’t cool, man.” Now it was Tommy’s turn to be shocked, before he quickly tried and this time failed to put a mask back on. “Oh, yeah, ha! Whoops, sorry, I, uh, yeah, no fuck the boggins. Totally, yeah they suck. They’re, ha, yeah they’re horrifying, i’d hate to ever have to face one of them, thank god Phil keeps ‘em out!” Tommy rambled awkwardly, which led to a far more awkward moment of silence between Jack and Tommy after he finished.

“Look, man,” Jack finally broke the silence, “I appreciate you helping me out of that. I think Phil was really done with me that time.” “Well, I figured it was a good enough idea. Would benefit both of us, anyway. You wouldn’t get in trouble, my dad gets to think i’m doin’ shit, it’s foolproof.” “So, it’s official?” Jack said, offering a fist. Tommy laughed and fist bumped him back, a genuine smile on his face. “It’s official. We’ll work out the details tomorrow, though, I’m tired as shit. See ya, man.” Tommy said as he turned away, waving with one hand and holding a map in the other…

He was still holding a gardening book.

“Wait, Tom!” He didn’t know when he decided that it was ok to call the crown prince by a nickname, but given that Tommy didn’t correct him when he turned in response, he supposed the nickname was accepted. “You forgot your book.” He said, holding it out to a very relieved looking Tommy. “Shit, right, thank you! Can’t believe I almost forgot this.” He said, unrolling his map and placing it back in his book. “I gotta say, man, that’s a lot of effort to put into a map for a bit.” Jack said. “Where did you even get this gardening book? I’ve never seen it in the library.” “Oh, it’s not from the library, it was a gift from a friend. And the map wasn’t for the bit.” Tommy said gleefully, ignoring Jack’s shock for probably the fiftieth time that evening. “I wasn’t lying this time, that’s genuinely what I was out doing all day. I didn’t have time to think of a fake out story. But don’t expect me to tell you everything from now on, that’s just a thank you for helping me out. Night Jack!” Tommy said, waving and running down the hall towards his room, leaving Jack in confused shock. Jack huffed and shook his head as he started in the opposite direction towards the castle’s exit.

“Jack, wait up!” he heard a familiar voice call as his best friend caught up with him. “Hey Niki, don’t you have important General shit to do?” “C’mon, you’ve been a personal hand to the royal family for almost a month now, i’d say it’s important to make sure you’re escorted home safely.” She snickered, and Jack rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, as if the king would care if I got home safe.” “Well, he might start to if you make a habit of keeping track of the prince! It’s been a while since he’s even told us how his day was.” “Has it also been a while since his highness had a freak out like that or is that a regular thing?” Jack whispered. A pause, before Niki sighed and whispered back. “He’s stressed. I…I haven’t seen him get like that in a long while. Phil is my friend, I know him, I know how he is, and that isn’t him.”

Ok, so getting the confirmation that Phil and Niki’s relationship wasn’t strictly professional and was an actual friendship was unexpected, but that wasn’t the topic right now. “Was it Tommy? Does he really hate the idea of gardening that much? Does he just…not like being with Tommy? Is that why he needs me?” “No, not that, definitely not that.” Niki responded urgently. “He loves Tommy, I know he doesn’t show it well, but he does. I…I think it was more the topic. Not the gardening, more the idea of who it was for.” “The bugfolk? Why?” “Beats me, but Phil doesn’t ever really like to talk about them. If we’re trying to be more specific, though, something happened recently. More territory shit, some leafmen got hurt, we’ve been dealing with it so it doesn’t turn into an uprising. It’s been getting handled, but I think it was just bad timing, we haven’t told Tommy about that incident because it’s contained, so he wouldn’t have known that talking about helping the bugfolk would set Phil off.” “Prime, man, that’s…that’s rough. Not like it’s Tommy’s fault, though, felt kinda wrong for King Philza to snap at him of all people. Plus, some of that other shit he was saying was…how do I put this…..distasteful.”

Niki looked…uncomfortable, to say the least. “I know, and I agree with you,” she sighed, “but he’s my king. He’s my friend. He has his reasons to be like this and frankly? Our kingdom is thriving, so what’s the harm?” The harm is that he might hurt bugfolk like he’s hurt others, Jack thought. The harm is that he could exile an entire species out of the forest to a place of rot and death and savage beastly occupants and the worst part is that it wouldn’t even be the first time he did that. The harm is that he’s destroying his relationship with his kid and making said kid standoffish to anyone who attempts to befriend them. And oh, didn’t that just make so much sense? Maybe it wasn’t that Tommy was just brash and rude, could it…could it be self defense? Was he pushing people away on purpose? Now that he thought about it, he’d never actually seen Tommy talk to…anyone. Prime, did this kid have friends? He doubted it, if his general approach is the same one he used with Jack. He would have given up with the prince a long time ago if it weren’t for Niki and the fact that a royal job pays well.

“Jack?” Niki said, snapping him out of this thoughts. “Sorry, sorry Niki, I’m just…I’m just tired.” “I can only imagine,” Niki laughed, elbowing Jack in the arm, “you’ve got to be exhausted if you were out gardening with Tommy all day.” And oh, Jack hadn’t thought of this part: he’d have to continually lie to his best friend for this plan to work. Fuck his life. “Yeah, yeah, ha..takes a lot outta ya.” He laughed uncomfortably, though Niki didn’t seem to notice. “Well, you’re almost home and I’ve got to get reports in from the soldiers in my unit. I’ll talk to you later Jack! Good night!” She gave him a quick side hug before turning back towards the castle, leaving Jack alone in his thoughts.

Ok, so new notes for the day: the prince is…tolerant of him. Dare he say kind of likes him. He’s kind of still reeling from the realization that Tommy may just be acting out due to daddy issues and loneliness. The king likely knows they’re full of shit and just doesn’t care, Niki trusts him and he’s going to have to break that trust and lie to her because the prince is a secretive prick, and, oh yeah, the king might be a fucking bigot. Great.

Fuck.

[aroaceacacia]

HI!!!! sorry if you've already posted about this before, but i'm aware you help maintain a vod archive - we're trying to do this for another server and were wondering if you had any tips for useful tools or ways to go about this? thanks and sorry for bothering !!

yes ok!!! here r my tips

1. Have some sort of location where all the VODs are accessible from, for people who may want to find them. For us, we have a spreadsheet, with dates & labels; this could also take the form of a YouTube playlist or an archive.org collection

2. Having only one way to download VODs probably wont be able to cover every scenario you encounter. Here's a list of a BUNCH of resources and tools, many of which you might never need, and most of which I've never heard of. In terms of programs to download VODs, I personally use a mixture of three: Twitch Downloader, 4k Video Downloader, and Twitch Recover. (I use Downloader to access most Twitch VODs, 4k for YouTube videos/streams - although it also does Twitch - and Twitch Recover for when a VOD has been recently deleted*.)

3. TWITCH DELETES VODS !!!! unless a vod is saved as a highlight, those suckers go KABLOOEY at a certain point! the exact amount of time will vary, depending on whether ur streamer is affiliate, partner, or not, so knowing your streamer's status is very helpful. I think non-affiliates and affiliates have a week, and then partners have 60 days. Note that Twitch Recover does not work on VODs older than 60 days, so this time limit is REALLY IMPORTANT.

4. If you're able to get in touch with your streamers in some way, that is really cool and epic! Not necessary at all, but sometimes it's nice being able to remind streamers theres a demand for an official VODs channel, or asking if they have any spare VODs lying around

5. HAVE FRIENDS TO DO THIS WITH !! you said "we" so I assume theres probably a team of some sort already, but division of labor is HUGELY helpful for VOD archiving, because those GB start adding up fast. (It's about 2.5 GB per 1 hour of video at 1080p quality, and generally you want the highest quality possible, so VODs can get pretty chunky.) Oh yeah I guess storage space is useful too. Remember to do spring cleaning also every now and then and make sure you dont delete anything that isnt already backed up elsewhere 👍 but yes. Teamwork. Communicating with the group about who will do what, being able to mobilize in a potential crisis, and making occasional public calls for additional hands on help are all super important, I've found.

6. YouTube is a copyright bitch! While it's better for watching vods back on, it will occasionally block a vod for copyright. YouTube is great, I upload all my MCC vods there unlisted, but I also recommend getting familiar with archive.org. archive is a little slower to upload but it won't hide a VOD worldwide because it had a copyrighted song or three in it. Having mirrors of uploads is a good tool for peace of mind - one of my friends has been on a kick of double mirroring VODs lately, even ones that will eventually be up on a VODs channel, but that's also a lot of uploading and slows him down

7. Being aware to at least some degree of the contents of what you're archiving is a good thing. Sometimes you need to censor out an accidental doxxing or worry about an IP leak, and I find it makes me feel more confident in my work if I know what I'm preserving. Like, I archive plenty of MCC POVs I havent necessarily watched, but they're all MCC, and I know what happens, and I sometimes hear details from other people - but a random server VOD from a guy I don't watch much of could contain anything. Sometimes I worry I've accidentally stuck deeply personal information into the internets biggest document repository. And maybe I have. But having some familiarity helps the peace of mind

8. Have fun with it and take pride in your work! You're helping to prevent something you love, the hard work of others, from becoming lost media! That's sooooo epic and sexy and cool of you, actually, and more people should do it - either on their own for their own personal purposes, or in the context of a larger project, like me and you

tl;dr its work but it boils down to communication, having the right tools, and having a team that is willing to adapt and cooperate in order to get stuff done! best of luck in your efforts

[kisskisskys]

Hey, hope you’re doing better… time will make things better, believe me. Just here to give some advice ig, I don’t if it’ll be useful or not, but here I go.

First of all, you are not a bad person. You couldn’t know he was an abuser at all, none of us could… Even if there were signs or not; abusers tend to be good at hiding them… Also we never really know a content creator/celebrity/influencer/etc. We just don’t. The person who they show us can be just a part of them or a completely made up “show” persona. So, it’s not your fault for not knowing and admiring/loving him while you didn’t know. You did nothing wrong at all.

Now that you know, you can do smth abt it. If you want you can give away stuff you have of him (like merch) or use it in privately (as to not show any more support for him). Please don’t burn stuff or throw it away in the trash just to make a point; it really helps no one, you’ve already payed for it, you can’t take the money back, so better give it another use—reuse, reduce and recycle pretty much.

This will be controversial, but you aren’t a bad person for liking something that was made by a bad person. I know this is the “separate the art from the artist” conversation… but just here me out: sometimes I think it’s really not the sin everyone is making it out to be, as long as you try not to support the “artist” (content creator and his music in this case) any longer and acknowledge that the artist is bad, I think you are okay.

You aren’t tainted, bad or somehow it means you are an apologist. It really doesn’t. Just be cautious with it; not saying this like in a “hide that you like him so ppl don’t realize you like him and so /know/ or think you are bad person”, but more in the “some people might be triggered by him and because of what was reveled it’s probably best to try not to support him anymore”.

Support always meaning giving him more money, expanding his voice, introducing more ppl to him and his music, etc.

That said. You can still listen to his music if you want. Again, it’s not a sin or reflection of who you are; it doesn’t make you bad by association or bad at all. Just try to listen it in other ways to not give him any more money or any more of a platform.

You could listen to his music on ytb, many channels have uploaded his stuff and since they are not official acc’s I don’t think he gets any money from it. You could download his music and listen to it outside Spotify or whatever; you can do so from ytb with YouTube Convertors :) You could also listen him from SoundCloud, just make sure the /file/ you listening wasn’t uploaded by the official band (if they even have a SoundCloud acc?).

I wanna add. Just like this could be a “separate the art from the artist” conversation, ig it could also be a “death of the author” one. You are free to take whatever you want from his art, it is yours now and having that doesn’t make you bad because he is bad. Doesn’t really work like that.

Lastly I guess, it takes time to grow out of an attachment to someone. So please give yourself time, be kind to yourself… It will happen eventually, believe me.

In the meanwhile, specially if you feel too guilty about listening to him or watching his content, you can look for alternatives. There’s plenty of recommendations going around rn, both for similar music and streamers to listen/watch instead; so you could look into those. Yk what they say: nothing like a new hyperfixation to replace another B) haha Idk if anyone has ever said that but sometimes it works like that.

Hope you feel better soon. I do. Hope you get to forgive yourself if you need to? I don’t think you did anything bad, but sometimes we feel like we did regardless… so I hope you found forgiveness if you need it. Remember to be kind to yourself and give it time.

Best of luck. Sending good vibes to you too 🌟✨💫🌸🌻🌱

Thanks so much Anon, that is actually really helpful advice. Luckily, I have other content creators, it’s just hard to go from being obsessed and worshipping him to crying in bed because he is a bad person. I don’t have any merch, but I wanted the records for record day, but I kinda didn’t think it was a good idea anymore… At first, I was trying to distance myself, ignore it cause it hurt to much to think. What I was doing yesterday was keeping myself constantly busy so I didn’t get the chance to think at all. Now I’m kinda accepting it and a little step forward I’ve seen myself take is instead ignoring videos bashing Wilbur on TikTok, I watch them and not avoid them. It’s baby steps but it’s something. I used to use YCGMA to fall asleep, but stopped two nights ago coincidentally, I haven’t dreamed, or haven’t had as vivid of dreams that I’m used to. I basically conditioned myself to be obsessed with him, and not I need unconditioned myself.

[the-bar-sinister]

In Justice We Trust (84327 words) by thesavagesabretooth

catch up here

With Simon Blackquill and Athena Cykes assigned as their psychologists, the Phantom and Fulbright must grapple with their identity, their deeds, their future, and their love for the twisted samurai whom they betrayed.

All the while, Edgeworth and Wright find their relationship tested as they walk the narrow path between pursuing real justice, and the dark age of the law.

-

December 25, 7:15 am

Athena walked nervously into the hotel restaurant's dining room with Simon right behind her, and Halblicht and Gumshoe following a little way behind.

Despite having suggested 'just keep them separated the whole investigation' in the first place, she had, in the end, been the one to nix the idea. The idea of running around intercepting Apollo every time he came too close was not only stressful– but it left her feeling a little sick. She’d only repaired trust with Apollo a few days ago, when he’d doubted her hard enough to go along with the attempt to indict her for the murder of her mother. She’d only just promised that they’d try to trust one another from here on out. She couldn’t lie and sneak around him– which was exactly why she walked straight for him with the truth heavy in her heart. 

And that was why they were headed to the cafeteria, to hopefully link up with Apollo Justice, and have a civil conversation over coffee.

Hopefully. Despite the hopes for a civil and understanding discussion of a complicated situation…she felt the sinking in her stomach that this was likely going to get worse before it got better. Christmas morning in the hotel dining room was not jam packed, though it was festively decorated. More festively than Athena was feeling, with red and green streamers, and old American christmas music being pumped through the speakers. There were only a few people sitting and eating the buffet breakfast– fewer than a half dozen including their own group– and Athena quickly spotted Apollo sitting with Ema, drinking coffee. WIth her best and brightest smile she turned her walk into a near skip and hurried over towards them with a wave. “Ema! Apollo!! Good morning!”

“Hey uh, morning Miss Sunshine" Ema jolted, nearly spilling her cup of morning coffee with a sharp choke. "Sounds like someone had a good night without me.” 

Apollo looked up, and lifted his coffee in salute. She felt a wave of embarrassment from him as he grinned at her. "Hey uh, morning Athena. Morning Prosecutor Blackquill."

"Good morning," Simon nodded. His low hum of anxiety was like a wall behind her. Athena's head cocked to the side thoughtfully, her ponytail trailing over her shoulder as she smiled. The embarrassment was …not what she'd expected. 

Perhaps he’d spent the night with Ema? Either way, it wasn’t the worst emotion to start out on. She pulled out a chair and dropped in to sit opposite Ema and Apollo with a big grin on her face. 

“Well. I mean, mostly I slept…which is better than some of the other days this week!” 

Apollo laughed and sipped his coffee. "Yeah, I hear that. I got uh, a little sleep. Glad to hear you tw- you got more than I did!" …. Athena felt her face flushing as understanding dawned at just what conclusion Apollo may have drawn. She cleared her throat with a smile, leaning on her hands with a shrug. 

“Yeah…hey uh, Apollo? Can I talk to you about something important?” Ema raised her eyebrow, halfway through tipping back another sip of coffee. 

"Uh, sure?" Apollo cocked his head. "Have a seat. There's plenty of coffee."

"Thank the heavens," Simon murmured. Athena poured herself some coffee before she mixed in a little cream and sugar. “Thanks, guys!” she raised her glass to them, before she set it down. “Ema, you already know about this…so maybe you can back me up on it?” The detective looked like she nearly choked on her coffee again. “...oh…frick.” 

"Try not to die at the breakfast table, Skye-dono," Simon drawled. He started grabbing buffet items and putting them on a plate, passing some to Taka on his shoulder.

Apollo looked more surprised at that, and glanced at Ema. "Uh, I mean, are you sure this is something I need to hear about? I mean, I'm not gonna be weird about it or anything." Athena began grabbing breakfast items too, piling them onto her plate with a sheepish smile “it’s absolutely something you have to hear about…you trust me, right?” “You’re probably gonna be weird about it.” Ema murmured. 

Apollo sipped his coffee and set it down. "I promise I won't. Look, ten years isn't that weird. If you and Simon–"

Simon made a choking noise and looked down from where he was feeding Taka. 

"Justice-dono, I'm afraid that's not what this is about." “Yeeeeeeeeeep!!!” Athena waved her hands back and forth, despite the croissant clutched firmly in one hand. “No, no no! that’s…I mean, GEEZE that’s not what this is about at all!” She was scarlet red, she knew she was, and the solitary emotion that broke through her chest was the utter embarrassment and desire to melt into a puddle and hide. “It’s…it’s about the investigation!” 

One thing was for sure, no matter how strong her own embarrassment it was toweringly overshadowed by Apollo's as he turned as red as his vest. He looked like he wanted to hide.

"Oh boy, Justice, you really put your foot in it this time," he murmured to himself, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh, sorry about that… I just assumed…"

Simon sniffed. "Defense attorneys. Always assuming they know how the evidence fits together." “Tell me a—” Athena’s head shot up. “SIMON, I’m a defense attorney, you jackass.”“Whoo boy This is off to a great start.” Ema groped for more coffee, grimacing the whole way while Simon laughed and slapped the table. 

"Oh it certainly, certainly is."

Apollo just hung his head in his hands. "Oh for Justitia's sake…" “Justitia had nothing to do with what I know she’s about to say,” Ema drawled, giving Simon and Athena a knowing, and somewhat reproachful glance. “But promise you’ll be cool, Justice.” 

"Sure, yeah, of course I promise." Athena smiled awkwardly as she finished punching Simon solidly in the arm. “...It’s about someone who’s going to be investigating with us, and…well…a special assignment that Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth gave Simon and I.” 

"Okay…" Apollo's embarrassment waned a little, matched by a rising confusion. His sharp eyebrows raised. "Well you have me curious…" She glanced at Simon, who was feeding half a donut to Taka, and watching closely, before she continued.“...we’ve been asked to rehabilitate…and give intensive therapy to…the man you once knew as Bobby Fulbright.” 

Apollo's confusion rose to fever pitch, overshadowing everything else at the table. 

"Bobby Fulbright is dead. That's what was said at the trial. Was that– not correct?"

Simon closed his eyes. "Hmm." Athena glanced off to the side. 

“Reality’s a little more complicated than what’s reported in the news, Apollo.” She wrung her hands together, before embarrassedly noticing it was an unconscious mirror of a gesture she'd been seeing a lot lately. “...the person we’ve been calling ‘the phantom’ survived the sniper attack…and is very much a victim of all t-this too. Not to get too deep into a man’s psychological profile over breakfast, but…there’s a reason Miles asked us. And we’ve had breakthroughs already.” 

As Athena spoke, Apollo's confusion didn't fade any, but it was joined by a rising anger as the flus– and the hesitant smile– on his face both disappeared slowly.

He put his hands on the table.

"Tell me this is a bad joke, Athena," Apollo said in a raspy voice.

"Oh it is," Simon huffed back. "Unfortunately the joke is on all of us, by Lady Justice herself."

"You can't be serious." Athena shook her head. She could feel her smile strain, before it crumbled completely into the quietly neutral expression she’d worn most of her childhood. “As serious as the grave, Apollo.” she looked down at her fidgeting hands. “We’ve been administering therapy for a few days now, and …and Prosecutor Edgeworth needs his help in finding the people really responsible. So he’s been asked to come with us while under Simon’s custody, with me as his appointed psychologist.” 

She looked up, meeting Apollo’s eyes. He remained quiet, staring at her in disbelief, his hands trembling on the table. “I know you can feel if I lie. So believe me when I say that the man known as the phantom’s as much a victim in this as us…and that doing this will he-help us find the real murderers.” Ema hissed through her teeth, and clarified “...he’s on staff under a new identity, Justice. Detective Halblicht he’s calling himself…”

"You knew about this?" Apollo asked, his voice slow, and shaking as he looked around at the three of them. "He's been alive this whole time and you all knew– and this is the first that anyone told me?"

"Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth is responsible for the security on the matter," Simon said with a stiff shrug. "We were instructed not to tell anyone about it. I'm surprised he didn't tell you."

"I– I–" Apollo grabbed the edge of the table tightly with both hands. Ema held her hands up. 

“...I assumed you were in the know. They didn’t even tell me until I figured it out for myself. I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t, Simon wouldn’t have said shit to me.” She grimaced. “...besides, Justice. I only found out yesterday…and I only just saw you this morning. Didn’t exactly have the chance to break the news to you , did I?” Athena kept her own expression still and quiet. “I’m guessing he was waiting to break the news to you soon, Apollo…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth put his trust in us to perform the job quietly and securely…but, I’m telling you now.”

Apollo was shaking like a leaf. He had gone pale, and his emotions had become such a storm to Athena as to be completely unreadable.

He stood up, jerkily, and nearly fell over. He opened his mouth to speak but only a croak came out, and he turned his back to them. “Apollo…” Athena spoke up, starting to stand up as well. “I know it’s a lot, I know. I was really shaken up about it too, but it’s… it’s..complicated.” 

Apollo looked over his shoulder squarely at her, and there was hardness in his strange, dark eyes."Really? Because it seems pretty simple to me. Excuse me. I need to go talk to Mr. Edgeworth."

Simon frowned, leaning on the table, and looked like he was weighing whether to speak or not. Athena broke into a sharp frown as she fully stood up and slapped her hands on the table. 

“...Dammit, Apollo! You said you’d trust me! You said …you said you wouldn’t get weird about it!” She slapped her hand on the table again. “The people behind my mother’s murder– behind Clay’s murder– are still out there. Even if you don’t believe me when I say that the therapy is very much necessary, then you have to believe me when I say that we need Robert’s help to take the organization down. Every second they’re out there is another orphan, another lost friend, a-another abused child.”

"Athena, when I said I trusted you, I didn't expect to hear that you were giving therapy to the man who killed m–m–my friend!" Apollo's famous chords of steel suddenly rang out, but faltered mid way through. "How can you? How could you even think–"

He whirled around fully to face her, and there seemed to be a dark fire in his eyes.

Simon was up from the table in an instant and his hand was at his belt while Athena braced herself against the table, her fingers digging into the wood as Ema shot upward, too. 

“Hey, hey…let’s all take a deep breath before we cause an incident, alri–” Ema had started to say when Athena pushed forward toward Apollo. “He’s the man who killed my mother, Apollo! Who framed me for it! You don’t think it’s hard for me? That I wasn’t conflicted?”

She slapped her hand on her chest. “but I’m giving him therapy because it’s the right thing to do…because it’s the kind thing to do– there’s more to the phantom than a psych profile and the blood on his hands. Something made him that way, Apollo. Are you going to be upset at me because I’m trying to treat the wounds it left?” 

Apollo shuddered physically, almost violently, and crossed his arms– more like he grabbed himself– almost as if he was trying to hold himself back.

He made a sputtering noise that wasn't words, and everything in the cafeteria fell silent. All eyes were on them.

And then the silence was broken by the soft clip of dress shoes on tile.

"Mr. Justice– if you're going to yell at someone, how about you yell at me instead of Ms. Cykes."

It was Robert Halblicht.

December 25, 7:20 am

"Festive, isn't it?" Halblicht observed as he poured a large cup of coffee, and offered it to Gumshoe. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Athena and Simon approached Apollo.

Do you think it's going to be okay?

No, Bobby, I highly doubt it.Gumshoe nibbled his way through a large plate of pancakes and eggs, his coffee cup steaming in the open air as he looked around. 

“Sure is, pal! Guess it’s Christmas after all…hah, brings back memories, I’d say.” 

"I imagine this wasn't how you were hoping to spend your Christmas." Halblicht's own plate was hardly more restrained than Gumshoe's– and he was half a donut in before they even sat down.

It's not how we wanted to spend our Christmas either…

Still, he kept a careful eye on the situation across the dining room. “I’ll be honest with ya, pal. The way things go in the precinct, I dunno if we’ve ever had a half-decent Christmas. Things tend to like goin’ sideways if you know what I’m sayin’.” 

"Is that why the office Christmas party is in January every year, then? Just in case?"

It had been such a hell of an evening. It had been such a promising morning. For just a few minutes, things had felt almost normal. Almost like they had early in the year, when they would just be able to get up, get ready for work, and go into the precinct.

Now, as Robert watched the discussion across the room, and heard voices begin to raise, he thought he should never have let himself hope.

Never even let Bobby hope.

Robert, you can't stop me. Look, it'll be alright. Somehow.-- I know it. Mr. Justice is a good man… 

Isn't that exactly why you said it was so terrible what we did, Bobby? Because he was a good man?Gumshoe nodded, oblivious to their internal turmoil, as he tipped back his coffee. 

“Yep…that’s why. Because if somethin’ happens on Christmas Eve again, like the whole mess with poor Mr. Edgeworth, we wanna be able to bolster everyone’s spirits with a big party. Nice gesture, ri–” Dick;s gaze was drawn to the raising voices “...they alright over there?” 

They're fighting, Robert. We should go over there. We can't just let them–

–Bobby they asked us to let them handle it.

So why did he feel so uncertain that was the right answer?

Robert narrowed his eyes, and sighed. He pushed his fingers up under his glasses and rubbed the tense bridge of their nose. "No, I don't think they are. Dick– they asked me not to intervene. What would you do, if it was you?" “If it were me?” Gumshoe rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “...Honestly, probably barrel over there anyway with my signature Gumshoe charm and ask ‘what seems to be the problem here, pals’. Usually that gets me whipped by Ms. Von Karma or somethin’ but it at least breaks it up!” 

Robert smiled deliberately, and set down his coffee.

"I was thinking the same thing. Hopefully, I'll be right back."

If Dick would do it, and Bobby would do it, why not just do it? Could the result possibly be worse than not intervening? He thought not.

That's the spirit!

December 25, 7:25 am

There wasn't any sword at Simon's belt for him to draw, but his hand went there anyway, as the tension in the situation increased– Athena and Apollo facing one another as the latter seemed on the verge of some kind of nervous breakdown.

This had been a mistake. They should have gone to Prosecutor Edgeworth instead of trying to deal with it themselves.

Just as Simon was about to step forward and intervene, he found himself interrupted.

"Mr. Justice– if you're going to yell at someone, how about you yell at me instead of Ms. Cykes."

Simon's attention turned swiftly. Halblicht had come to intervene, like some idiot white knight– despite his current black suit.

Simon hissed. "Half wit, I thought we told you to stay put."

Halblicht smiled a cold, thin smile and adjusted his glasses. "That didn't seem to be the right call in the situation, sir. But you're welcome to dock my pay about it."

Apollo was standing there, eyes alight, haking, and face pale. All his attention slowly turned to Halblicht. Athena winced, and her expression of anger that reflected in the bright red light of Widget’s display turned to surprise. 

“Robert?” She quickly looked down. “Apollo’s just upset. I can’t blame him…I ..ah..” 

"No, I don't think anyone could blame him in the circumstances," Halblicht agreed, slowly. I'd say he's owed a free shot at the very least." 

Robert turned toward Apollo, his hands lowered.

"A free shot?" Apollo whispered in a low, dangerous tone, as he finally managed to speak. "A free shot? You owe me a hell of a lot more than that, you bastard, after what you took from me!"

Simon's throat tightened in shock as he watched Apollo suddenly launch himself at the larger man like a missile, grabbing his lapels and slamming him back against the table.

"I want it back, do you hear me!" Apollo yelled. There was something wrong with his voice. "How the hell can you be here walking around when I–"

December 25, 7:28 am

The table beside Athena slid several inches as Apollo slammed Halblicht's body into it. “APOLLO!” Athena shouted. Widget flashed yellow and red as the ambient emotions pinged through her system like an alarm bell. She moved quick when emotions became difficult– her body defaulting to action over the difficult prospect of expressing herself in words. 

Flipping that cop back in Nine Tails Vale, preparing to fight when the courts were turning against them– trying to take down the person threatening Juniper– action was simple. Action is what she took, grabbing Apollo’s shoulder as soon as she could muscle herself closer. “Get a hold of yourself!” 

"It's him I want ahold of, princess!" Apollo snapped back. He wrestled against the grip on his shoulders, slamming his fists against Halblicht's chest.

The air went out of the detective and he shuddered against the table as Apollo hit him with strength. There it was– Aura’s sarcastic snipe every time she tried to talk to her for the past 7 years. ‘The Princess of the Cosmos Center’. A sting of hurt , and growing anger flashed through her with the hot sensation of tears behind her eyes. If she had to take a blow from his fists to snap him out of it, then she’d do it. 

She pushed Apollo with her considerable strength and shoved her arm and shouldered her way between him and Robert’s chest. She could hardly hear the heavy footsteps approaching over the sound of the ambient emotions and her own pounding heart. But suddenly, just as she was face to face with Apollo– between him and Robert– and standing over them all from either side were the two great stormclouds of Simon and Gumshoe.

Apollo shuddered– his fists tight and raised– but he didn't make a move. “Stop.” Athena said. She spread her arms out between him and the shuddering detective “Apollo, leave my patient alone. Consider it a ‘royal decree’ if you want, I don’t care– but I won’t let you hurt someone who’s not even fighting back.” Apollo didn't say anything for a moment. His lips were tight– and he moved to back away.

"Just let me out of here," he rasped out finally. "I need some air. Fuck."

Halblicht had gone limp against the table, and Athena could see Simon's hands on his shoulders, ready to pull him away, or perhaps shield him if necessary. Gumshoe’s hand patted his shoulder, and Athena heard him murmur. “Let’s get you some air, pal. Come on…” With a tug on his shoulder, Apollo moved towards the exit as Athena shook on her feet. She was openly crying now– of course she was. Another day, another fracturing connection. Another fantastic Christmas. Just like always. “I’ll see you later, Apollo. Try to relax…if you need some therapy, just…just let me know.” Her voice quivered, and she found herself instinctively glancing back to make sure Halblicht was alright. 

"Yeah," Apollo hissed. He jerked his shoulders and slumped across the dining hall to the exit with Gumshoe, as everyone watched. "I'll let you know."

[fukuokanodivision]

Eko’s Thoughts On Akihabara Division

Anika Kiyozaki

“A hypnotherapist? That’s new…Come to think of it, How many ‘super interesting’ DRB divisions have I heard of now? Let’s see…Aomori, Kumamoto, The ‘other amazing’ Fukuoka team, The list goes on. Off topic again, Agh!!! After all the interesting characters the DRB has offered, Hypnotherapy is the most unknown right now. Caring, Laid back and a solid support system, Everything you want in a team leader, Right? I should schedule a Akihabara show for my idol work, To see what these ladies can truly do…”

Shian Meizono

“A bail enforcement agent…So this is another interesting division, Though there are plenty of those already… Originally, I thought Meizono was more of a feisty person, Strangely I was wrong. Instead, They’re a calm individual apparently? The one time I assume something, Great… Hmm…I wonder how good they are as a bounty hunter, Maybe I’ll have to check them out, If they’re in action still. I won’t count on it though, The DRB is where real battles happen.”

Makina Setsukura

“Screenshot, A video game streamer? Don’t mind if I do~. Usually during my breaks from idol work, Video games are a go to for me, So finding Setsukura’s channel wasn’t difficult. Her videos are nice, However their streak of perfectionism is quite high apparently. Not necessarily something you want to have if you’re playing video games in my opinion, You win some, You lose some… ‘Rage Quit?’ Scary rap ability…I’ll say she’s a pretty tough rapper, So I’ll just have to make some ‘adjustments’ to face her.”

Pixel Syndicate

“Akihabara division…Pixel Syndicate, Kiyozaki Anika, Meizono Shian, Setsukura Makina, There all here. Let’s see…Huh ‘In a game, We always win…?’ Sounds like a ‘total RPG fantasy’ to me. Makes sense when you live in a buzzing shopping hub of a division, I almost misread them as a ‘purple version of Fukuoka’ by accident. These guys don’t really pose as a threat, Although ‘Let the stupid boys fall’ concerns me…Whatever, Their not a threat in my books. We’ll just see where the DRB takes us, I guess…”

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

If this scene exists at all, can you give a snippet of Spider + any of his uncles/aunts in Cabin in the Woods?

There are/will be plenty of scenes with his aunt/uncles! Currently with what I have written Ja plays a major roll in one ending, but I'm thinking other members of team Deja Blue will get there moments to shine down the road.

here's a more fluffy family snippet for you though!

*********************************************************************

  It seemed unreal how quickly the year had passed. One minute it was his first day of school. The next he was sitting amongst his classmates in a graduation cap and gown, waiting for his fake name to be called, his father, aunt and uncles watching him from the surrounding seating of the auditorium. After everything he’d been through he couldn’t believe he was here, receiving his high school diploma with his loving family in attendance. The whole affair went on for an agonizingly long time yet once it was over, it felt like it had passed in an instant.

   Plenty of pictures were taken. He posed with his two closest friends just outside of the school before they broke off to take some pictures with their families. He went up to his Pa expecting that he’d want the two of them to get in front of the camera as well but instead he said, “it’s too crowded here. Let’s get home. Beat the traffic.” Miles felt a little dejected at the refusal but obeyed.

   During the ride home he ran his hand over his diploma tracing the letters of his fake name, with a mix of accomplishment and sadness. If his Pa noticed his mood, he ignored it, silently focusing on the road the entire trip. Their driveway was already filled with his aunt’s and uncles' cars by the time they got home. Miles figured that they had left shortly after he threw his graduation cap into the air. They entered the building to a chorus of cheers and applause. Miles laughed in shock as he looked around the living room, his relatives having set up an entire party for him with plenty of food, a cake, balloons and streamers, in under an hour. “Thank you so much!” Miles practically shouted once the noise died down.

    Pa ruffled his hair, “it’s nothing son. We're proud of you.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

    “Sit down,” Uncle Lyle said, ushering him to the couch. “We know you're probably hungry but we got you some presents and were really excited for you to see them.” 

    “You guys didn’t have to get me anything.” The room filled with cries of denial from every adult in the room making Miles laugh at their indignation. 

   One by one he was handed gifts like it was Christmas. Most of it was for his upcoming trip. A new camera from Uncle Mansk. A first aid kit from Uncle Ja. A bunch of travel books from Auntie Z. New art supplies from Uncle Fike. And then, Uncle Lyle handed him a thin rectangular package the exact same size as his diploma. Ripping off the paper revealed that it was his diploma. He stared at the red pleather cover in confusion before opening it. Inside was an exact replica of his graduation certificate, with one major difference. His real name. Miles Socorro-Quaritch Jr. High school graduate. 

   “I snuck into your school a few nights back,” Uncle Lyle admitted, “they keep those things on a template. All you have to do is add the name and print.”

   “Thank you.” Miles said in an oddly choked hush as he traced the letter of his real name.

    “Now you know why I wanted to wait for pictures.” Pa said, patting him on the back. Miles just nodded.

    Before they really got the party started father and son, plus Lyle made their way outside, Cupcake following on the heels of her masters. They stood with the wide open countryside as their background, Pa with his arm proudly wrapped around his son’s shoulder, Miles displaying his real diploma, Cupcake sitting by their feet, tongue hanging out and tail wagging from all the excitement. 

   Once a few pictures were taken Lyle held the digital camera out for them to inspect the images. Miles felt like he was glowing looking at the two of them like that, no disguises, no fake names. Just one happy family.

[lyssiesleakedmemos]

Getting started in the industry

TW heavy topics such as Sexual abuse

Real life story

Not erotic but adult themes

Trembling, stomach in knots, only a bra and panties away from being from being completely exposed.. and even that small security blanket was going to be ripped away momentarily. "Breathe" I instructed myself. I braced for the impact of potentially the worst mistake of my life. And clicked, "Go live."

How did I get here?

It feels like a lifetime ago, only taking my first steps of adulthood, already weighed down with the pressure of coming up with a plan. I didn't have money for college, doubted every skill I had, and was recently taken off the medications that may have been the push I needed to be a whole lot more productive job hunting. I had been a legal adult for nearly a year, I was "running out of time." A sentiment I can't even wrap my head around today.

Hurry hurry hurry.

While panicked about my entire future prospects, I did manage to find time to embrace the new freedom and independence that suddenly felt abundant. My upbringing was certainly not strict but days and nights of making my own choices without so much as asking permission was a fucking rush. Party after party. Run from the cops. Repeat.

But it wasn't until the relationship that consumed my life the 4 years prior came to an end that I truly felt the world open up in front of me. Despite adoration from our peers who only saw the best of us and despite my limited experience convincing me that this must just be how some men are.. the truth is I was lying with a monster. It took time to see it for what it was sexual and emotional abuse. But even then, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders leaving. No longer would I be under his control, no longer would my body be close enough for him to touch after repeated pushing him away, no longer would I be the person he came to with his sick confessions of disturbing crimes he'd committed or sought to commit like a burden he gladly gifted me and he'd never have the opportunity to ignore my pleas or break the promise of "I'll never do that to you again."

With the heaviest of shackles broken, everything I CHOSE to do became liberating and quickly that became exploring sexuality on my terms. I started dating Walter, who, for all his flaws, wasn't a monster and was actually quite supportive of exploration and seemed like he was on a journey of his own. More on him later.. but when I came to him with the crazy idea to start Webcam modeling, he not only encouraged me, but he offered up his house as a work space.

I wrestled with the idea for awhile, likely made a pros and cons list if I know myself

Pro: Exciting

Con: Scary

In no time, my account was set up, and I was hyperventilating at my laptop. The first account I used was sketchy, one of those where you had a "manager" who would call you and demand you stream more (which for the record I thought was completely normal). This guy was a character, vulgar, crass, and unprofessional, even for such a profession at the time. He'd come into my streams and beg for free shows or call me and complain about other streamers. It was only a minor bump in the road, and it took no time to get comfortable performing, especially when I made the switch to a different platform. I think I even liked it.. for a job. My days were never short of interesting. My stories were plentiful, and i always felt connected to a world outside of my day to day life. Even the idea of being an adult performer gave me a sense of pride that I think most people in those days couldn't understand.. hell, if modern-day reception to OF girls is any indication, I'd say many still don't. Countless times, I found myself defending my choices in this era, something that may sound like a waste of time but went positively more than you'd expect. The truth is, regardless of your own preferences, most people can't argue with someone doing what they want to do because we all more or less fear losing the freedom to do so ourselves.

Now, the industry has been a part of my life off and on for over a decade, and I can honestly say I get that it's hard to get. There have been moments where I reflect on how much time I've spent solely catering to the male gaze or questioning the line between liberation and objectifican. It's not a simple equation, but I think I learned what the answer is for me.

Walking through life, especially as a female, means guaranteed objectification, leering men and societal pressure to look fuckable. Before ever signing a contract, making a cent or making a CHOICE, someone I was meant to trust took something from me.. so believe me when I say that when people use the menu I've provided for a mutually beneficial service, that difference is clear. Not to mention the power of the freedom to decline and, of course, the block button.

This expectation exists that trauma should make you cower from sexuality moving forward, and sometimes that's what we have to do, but in the end, I gave myself the gift of reclaiming someone that was always mine. I am every bit as sex positive and open as what some might interpret as a marketing scheme, I have built myself a life that allows me me to explore that as one big exhibition.

Someone somewhere is rejoicing in the stroking of their confirmation bias because I followed the often assumed trajectory of Trauma -> Sex work. I used to dispute the comparison because I knew many examples that weren't that case as I met other creators, but rather, the more important point is who does the fault than lie on? To say "this" is a product of "that" is to blame "that" and not "this." You've agreed the problem is abusers and I think that's a good place to start the conversation at least.

I don't regret stepping foot into this industry. Retroactively, I would have told my younger self to wait, learn, and heal more first, but I think I would have always ended up here. Despite everything that more directly brought me here, I'm at my core an entertainer, and if their is a stage, I was going to find it.. who knew it would be a mattress?