#we doubt either of them need support for it they feel like the sort who would be very open and unabashed abt It All

[mantisgodsdomain]

I feel like doctor H.B. Would be part of the “attracted to the horrors” therapy group because while I don’t have anything specific in mind she’s definitely the type and if nothing else she’d do it for science.

...yeah you're right we have one(1) applicable AU we can import her from.

[watcherintheweyr]

'Rhaenyra is a bad mom bc she knowingly gave birth to bastards and she knew how much danger they'd be in!!!!'

1. She had no way of knowing those babies wouldn't pop out looking exactly like her, beforehand. And unfortunately she couldn't stop at Jace. The throne needed an heir. Driftmark needed an heir. And a spare was needed as well, given the sheer rate of Targaryen children dying untimely deaths.

2. She had to provide heirs to the throne, and to Driftmark. If she hadn't, society wouldn't have blamed Laenor, they would have blamed her- which makes her position even more unstable, bc then she 'can't fulfill a woman's duty' so why would men think her 'able' to fill a 'man's role' by ruling the kingdom? And she and Laenor tried. He was either unable (meaning infertile or impotent, or unable to get it up), or unwilling. (And they did try. We dont know what they tried but Rhaenyra is shown to be clever in the show so honestly i have no doubt she attempted what Margaery suggested with Renly.) Laenor was in on the entire thing. He was aware of every part of this. He wasn't duped, he wasn't cuckholded- it was a plan greenlit by him, bc this way he and Rhaenyra would both have their heirs and a family. This cannot in any way shape or form be compared to Cersei cuckholding Robert (fuck Robert Baratheon tho), seeing as Robert was **not** at all aware that his children weren't his, and wouldn't have been OK with that.

Either way- she chose not to maritally r*pe her husband and put him through more trauma after it was clear their attempts weren't working. Yall are always so upset for Alicent (rightfully so, bc show!alicent was maritally raped, even if it wasn't considered as such in that time), but you... WANT Rhaenyra to do that to Laenor? Hello???

[And no. Rhaenyra did NOT rape or coerce Criston Cole. The actors, writers, and directors have all stated their sex was consensual and 'an act of love.' It was Rhaenyra going to someone she felt close to and trusted after feeling abandoned and unwanted and betrayed. In that scene you literally watch, as after Cole tells Rhaenyra to stop undressing herself, she moves aside so she isn't blocking his way to the door. The director states that the moment they show Cole folding and setting down his cloak was him choosing his desire over his oaths. And Criston Cole has known Rhaenyra since she was 14. He knew damn well the sort of person she was- and she was not the person who would have harmed him for saying no. She was an intoxicated and emotionally vulnerable 19 year old- Criston was in his late 20s to early 30s. And it's explicitly stated in ep.9 that the ONLY person a Kingsguard cannot refuse is the king. In ep.7 Criston disobeys a direct order from Alicent when she wants him to mutilate Lucerys. Criston Cole was not assaulted. Stop trying to assign Aegon's sins to Rhaenyra so that you can feel better for supporting him.]

3. In the books, the rumors of their bastardry at large halted when all of Rhaenyra's boys' cradle eggs hatched. The ONLY people who continued to try and raise issue were the core green faction. But the realm at large *did not give a fuck* why? Because every actually relevant party claimed those boys. Repeatedly and without flinching. Laenor claimed and loved those boys even face to face with Alicent's bullshit. Corlys claimed and love those boys- he was proud of them, and it's been stated by the actor in the show that Luke was his favorite- that given the... events of ep.10, Corlys will be out for blood. And Viserys repeatedly insisted upon their legitimacy- because Laenor and Corlys claimed them, because he knew that by forcing Rhaenyra to marry Laenor in order to repair the damage his insults caused House Velaryon, that he had backed her into a corner.

Rhaenyras boys are remembered to history as Velaryon. Even **Green supporters** noted that they were good, capable, intelligent, and **worthy** princes. That their deaths were unfortunate *for the realm.*

Legally, those boys are legitimate. They cannot be proven illegitimate without Laenor renouncing them, and he never did. Furthermore, trying to declare children illegitimate due to their appearance is a stupid, dangerous precedent. The fact that it's people who have no ties to House Velaryon pushing these rumors and pushing for disinheritance makes it even worse, because they're meddling in the succession of a House that *is not theirs.* if that became a standard, imagine the feuds and conflicts that would erupt- lords pushing for the children of rivals to be declared illegitimate all for the sake of trying to grasp and steal land, power, and influence as a norm? The realm would tear itself apart. Not to mention the sheer danger that would place women in, in Westeros.

Furthermore, even whilst usurping her, even while calling her children bastards, the Greens also imply Laenor's homosexuality was inherited by the Velaryon princes- that they would use Rhaenyra's 'promiscuity' and Laenor's 'predilections' to turn the Red Keep into a brothel- ironic, considering that's more what Aegon would've done. So even while claiming that Rhaenyras children are bastards that shouldn't inherit, they try to state that what the boys inherit or learn from Laenor makes them unfit for the throne. They can't keep their own damn story straight- because their usurpation was never about what is moral, what is right, or the greater good. It was about greed. Power. Sexism.

It doesn't matter what those boys looked like, especially seeing as Rhaenys had dark hair in the books. What matters is that Corlys and Laenor and Viserys claimed them and declared them legitimate, and that they **never** deviated from that.

As for Vaemond, he was a second son. And he waited until Corlys and Viserys were dying and too ill to stop him to make a grasp for power. Youre not supposed to look at that and feel hes in the right. Youre supposed to look at that and see a man consumed by greed, and literally trying to bury Corlys' will and intentions before the man is even in a grave. He was NEVER Corlys' heir- he just wanted power. It wasn't about his House, or their legacy, it was about him.

(And before yall start shit about Rhaenyras boys stealing Laena's girls' inheritance... Rhaena and Baela are *TARGARYEN*. Not Velaryon. Their claim was to the throne or to any holdings in Daemon's name. NOT to Driftmark.)

Rhaenyras boys being betrothed to Rhaena and Baela tied up any issue of 'Velaryon blood.' Baela would have been queen consort of the seven kingdoms at Jace's side, and they very clearly adored one another in book and show. Rhaena would have been Lady of the Tides- which she never would have had a chance for, without Rhaenyra (and Laena) making those betrothals. She and Luke were also canonically very close- and in show she's very encouraging of him whenever he looks nervous or uncertain. They had a bond.

Rhaenyra stole nothing. She gave those girls more. And she loved them- they were the only daughters she got to have, seeing as the Greens treachery caused the early death of baby Visenya. If she hadn't loved them, she wouldn't have trusted Rhaena to look after Joffrey or give her Morning's egg from Syrax. She wouldn't have immediately invited both girls to the table when she was queen, which is something her father did not do for her until much, much later. He allowed Rhaenyra's voice to be silenced too often when she was first made heir. Rhaenyra did not repeat that hurt to her girls or her boys.

Anyways, moving on.

You lot do also remember that Rhaenyra herself has Velaryon blood, right? Jaehaerys I's mother was Alyssa Velaryon. Aegon, Rhaenys, and Visenya the Conquerors' mother was Valaena Velaryon. It's not immediate, but there *is* Velaryon blood through *all* of Rhaenyras boys.

Ultimately, Rhaenyras boys were only in danger because of the core Green faction usurping the throne. If they hadnt- no succession crisis or rebellion could have truly threatened Rhaenyras boys- because none of them would have had dragons. All of Rhaenyras children loved one another- her sons by Daemon would not have turned on her sons with Laenor (and Harwin). They were a true, loving family- possibly one of the healthiest and most close knit one House Targaryen ever boasted.

And another thing... 'her having babies with Harwin was stupid, she should have picked someone Valyrian!'

Here's the thing. Rhaenyra had to be careful as hell choosing who would father her and Laenor's heirs. She had to choose someone who was physically close, and who could be trusted. Someone who wouldn't try to publicly claim those boys in boast or jealousy. Someone who would keep their mouth shut and had no ambition of their own in regards to the throne. Do you really think Vaemond Velaryon (as I see him suggested a lot) would've kept his mouth shut? That he wouldn't have tried to use this to blackmail Rhaenyra and Laenor for more power and status? Do you think Rhaenys would have ever fought for or supported Rhaenyra if Rhaenyra had tried to have Corlys sire her children? And flying to see Daemon in Pentos and having a purely Valyrian child 9 months later would have made things look even more suspect.

Furthermore... she chose someone who cared for her deeply. Who clearly had a positive relationship with Laenor. She chose someone so she wouldn't have to traumatize herself- she took power over her body in a way almost no Westerosi woman has ever been able to. They were a family unit- Rhaenyra, Laenor, and Harwin. Those children were loved and cherished by two fathers and their mother. They were raised never doubting their mothers love, nor their father's- either father. They were raised and educated to be true, good princes of the realm.

Rhaenyra fought like hell for her children. She was an incredible mother. Yall just believe everything the Green faction says without looking at it critically, and that's unfortunate as hell.

[modmad]

Hey Mod, I don't know what's going on that hurt you, I feel like I missed something that's happened, but I can tell from what I did see that it didn't just hurt you, but scared you and made you feel a Lot of doubt. I've also seen a lot of messages pouring in with support, and I want to share mine.

I have hypermobile type EDS, fibromyalgia, and a whole bucket's worth of faulty wiring in my brain. And I've always had stories to tell but I never felt I was good enough to share them. If it's because I can't focus enough to get through nanowrimo, or because I can't manage the focus and time towards drawing as a hobby, or the fact that an excessive amount of either for me leads to my hands wanting to shut down. But you? You *inspire* me. Your stories, all the ones I've seen, read, experienced in some way or another, they're so good. And you're open and honest with your fans about your own health, and of course, we support you and always would rather you rest and feel as best you can, instead of pushing out something and working yourself too hard. But all of this is to say that. I think I would have given up on my own stories if I hadn't found you and yours.

I hope whatever is going on sorts itself out, I hope you're able to keep telling your stories. At your own pace, in your own way. I think you deserve to be happy. If there's anything we (your fans, especially those of us too awkward to come off anon, whoops,) can do, to help in some way? Even if it's silly videos or cute cat pictures or whatever it is that could just help you smile. We're here. We love you.

woof. I woke up to so many messages I can't even read them all in one go I'm getting too emotional- I do feel I owe an explanation so I'll explain what happened under the cut but all you guys need to know is I'm okay, I got through it, I love you, and you're so important to me and I'm so grateful for all the messages that have asked me to stay.

tw for suicidal thoughts and all that

yeah so I have the bad morning of all mornings: was introduced to the fact there's this one character (Mr Puzzles) on a very popular youtube that. resembles RGB. incredibly strongly. like. I don't want to link to it just look if you want to. Anyway at the time I thought it had just dropped (seems to have been around for 6 months actually), and having commented on it I immediately got an inbox full of hate mail.

My website, meanwhile, had locked both me and my web designer out of it, and- already in a bad state of mind- I went into full on panic/paranoid spiral of 'they have hacked it, and they are going to delete any proof that I was here before them.' This of course wasn't true, and we have since recalimed control of the site (don't know what happened there but hey. it's fine???? haha. ha.)

On top of this my father has terminal cancer of the pancreas, which is horrible for everyone already but it means that- at some point this year- I am going to be the only person with an active income in my house. I am disabled, do not make a lot of money, and the cost of living is skyrocketing. Combine that with months of Despair at the world right now, with the multiple wars, genocide, corruption and AI and the loss of control any of us have over our IP or lives and I just decided it was time to end it all.

I somehow remembered this was a bad idea to act on immediately (hard during a period of entirely irrational thought) and instead went for a very long walk, crossed the bridge I could have jumped off and during that I came out of the worst of it. I then came back home to so much love online I felt deeply ashamed for ever contemplating it, and I cried a lot. My nose is still puffy and now my feet hurt! lmao

Anyway. Yeah. There's your context. I am not going to stop hoping, making, or living. I am prone to moments of weakness and this was one of the worst of them and I am still here, thanks in a large part to all of you. I might need you in the future to defend me against this, or people who take our ideas, but I hope you know that I will do the same for you. We need each other, and to be there for you I need to be here at all.

also fuck Mr Puzzles

[landoscar-f1]

Too Sweet for Me - Ch 02

taglist (strikethrough could not be tagged): @alessiali @piastri-my-boy @adreamerinadream @landosgirl please fill this form if you wish to be added!

pairing: CS55 x fem!reader, eventual!OP81 x fem!reader genre: fluff, angst, slow burn, smut chapter warnings: relationship anxiety, distrust, gaslighting (pls lmk if i missed anything!) ch 02 wc: ~680

ch 01 | masterlist | next

Read the chapter under the cut

The next morning, you woke up with a heavy heart and a mind full of questions. Carlos was already up, making breakfast in the kitchen. The aroma of coffee and scrambled eggs filled the air, but it did little to ease your tension.

“Morning, hermosa,” Carlos greeted you with a warm smile. “I made your favorite.”

“Thanks,” you replied, trying to match his cheerfulness. You took a seat at the table, watching him move around the kitchen with ease. How could he seem so… normal?

As you sipped your coffee, you mentally rehearsed how to bring up the message you saw last night. Every scenario felt either too accusatory or too dismissive. You needed to find the right balance.

“Carlos,” you began cautiously, “can we talk about something?”

He turned, concern flickering in his eyes. “Of course, amor. What’s on your mind?”

You took a deep breath, deciding to ease into it. “I just feel like we’ve been drifting apart lately. You’ve been so busy with work, and we hardly spend any time together anymore.”

Carlos sighed, setting the spatula down. “I know, and I’m sorry. The work’s been intense, but it’s important for the next season. You understand that, right?”

“I do, but it’s not just about the work,” you said, your voice trembling slightly. “I saw a message on your phone last night. From someone I don’t know.”

His expression shifted, guarded. “A message? From who?”

“I don’t know. The name wasn’t familiar. But it said, ‘Can’t wait to see you again.’” You watched his reaction closely, hoping for an explanation that would ease your mind.

Carlos’s face hardened momentarily before softening. “It’s just a colleague, amor. We’re working on a project together. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Then why haven’t you mentioned them before?” you pressed, feeling a pang of doubt.

“I didn’t think it was important,” he replied, turning back to the stove. “I’m sorry if it made you feel uneasy. I’ll introduce you next time we have a work function.”

You nodded slowly, not entirely convinced but not wanting to push further. “Okay. I just needed to know.”

The days that followed were marked by a fragile truce. Carlos made an effort to spend more time with you, but the underlying tension remained. You tried to convince yourself that it was all in your head, that Carlos was telling the truth. Yet, the nagging feeling persisted.

One evening, as you were sorting through some old photos, you stumbled upon a picture of you and Carlos from a few years ago. You were at a carnival, laughing, with his arms wrapped around you. The contrast between then and now was stark. What had changed?

Just as you were lost in thought, your phone buzzed with a message from Lily.

Hey, let’s grab coffee tomorrow? We need to catch up.

You agreed, needing a friend to talk to. The next day, you met Lily at your favorite café. As you sipped your lattes, you couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Lily, I need to talk to you about something,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

“What’s up?” she asked, concern etched on her face.

You told her everything, from the increasing distance to the mysterious message. As you spoke, the weight on your chest lifted slightly, but the uncertainty still lingered.

“Do you think he’s cheating?” you asked, needing an outside perspective.

Lily was quiet for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “I don’t know, but I do know that you deserve honesty. If something feels off, trust your gut. Have an open, honest conversation with him. Don’t let this fester.”

You nodded, grateful for her support. “You’re right. I just… I need to know.”

That night, you prepared yourself for a deeper conversation with Carlos. You needed answers, and you were determined to get them, no matter how painful they might be. As you waited for him to come home, the picture of you two at the carnival lay on the table, a reminder of the love you once shared and the hope that it could be rekindled.

all credits to @landoscar-f1 2024

[heavenlymorals]

In Defense of Bill Williamson: A Curious Case Of Hear Me OUT-

Warning: this post contains mentions of rape, homophobia, and period typical attitudes.

The first time I played RDR2, I was very curious and went into Sonny's cabin. If you know, you know.

I was horrified over learning what happened to Arthur and the shock of it all was impalpable. The fact that Rockstar put in such an encounter was diabolical, but either way, it happened, and I was pissed and heartbroken for Arthur. Out of all the encounters that happened in this game, all the awful encounters, this is the only one that did not get a journal entry- mostly likely due to the trauma of getting raped and the shame of it as well- let us not forget that Arthur is a man, a very tough and burly man, living in 1899 America. The likelihood that there would be any support for him is nigh on none.

I fed Sonny to the alligators (obviously) later and more or less forgot about it because I avenged my Arthur.

Then Bill came along.

"I met a guy at the swamp who seemed to know a lot about you. I mean A LOT about you…"

I was pissed and it was the first time in the game that I heard pure, unadulterated hatred in Arthur's voice as he more or less growled at Bill to go away. From then on, I always antagonized Bill for seemingly mocking Arthur like that for getting raped.

But then I played again and again and played Red Dead 1 too and learned that Bill is gay. Even though it isn't said outright, it is implied so heavily that it would be laughable to suggest that he liked women.

So after a while, my reaction to Bill's words changed. I pity him now.

Now I know what you are thinking- Heytham, how the hell can you pity a man who mocked a fucking rape victim?

Because I don't think Bill thought Arthur was raped.

Here is how I came to this conclusion (feel free to disagree with me, but here is how I came to this conclusion):

Being a homosexual in the 1800s was a very isolating and daunting experience, with the threat of jail time and even death. Society was super judgemental and cruel to people who did not fit into what was expected of them, so being a homosexual would feel like hell on Earth because there wasn't a real way to express this attraction beyond longing and secrecy, which would make finding other gay people hard to do.

Beyond just isolation, homosexual actions can ruin careers, which we can assume is one of the reasons that Bill got dishonorably discharged ("deviancy") alongside attempted murder. Crazy to think that "deviancy" is on the same level of attempted murder and was probably shamed more, but that is neither here nor there.

Even the gang wasn't really accepting of Bill's sexuality, which speaks a lot about the gang's supposedly "progressive politics", as they aren't really politically progressive and more so idealistic in the romantic standards of 1800s America. In terms of Bill's sexuality, it felt more like a outta sight, outta mind sort of deal. Bill is the butt of jokes and his sexuality is too ("Is he gonna kiss that guy or punch him", "Bill and Phil", "He likes to do a lot of things with men on their knees (RDR1- John says it to purposely shame Bill more to the people he works with)")).

When his sexuality seems to be a bit more upfront, there is agression and disgust. The biggest example of this is Arthur's reaction to Bill wanting hair pomade. He sounds disgusted and mean and the sneer in his "Yeah, I'll get you your hair pomade…" is very telling that Arthur thinks that Bill is asking him for pomade for gay sex because of the way he reacts to it- he already has a disposition to thinking this is why Bill wants the pomade and it disgusts him, even though he does it anyways.

To give Arthur the benefit of the doubt, I'd be pretty weirded out if someone asked me for lube, but Arthur didn't know if that is what Bill actually wants. He could very well just need it for a job that requires him to look nice, which happens in the ball mission. The point is that he had a disposition and that disposition made him react in not only a bewildered way but a disgusted way. Im serious, just listen to that interaction- I don't think I am reaching.

In any case, it is quite obvious that Bill feels isolated and that isolation makes him awkward and aggressive around men that he does like (Kieran) and overall just angry at the world because of it, amongst other things. He has no one to talk to, no one to relate to, and he is shunned and despaired over something he cannot control.

So then Bill meets Sonny and whatever the hell they did together, Sonny talks about Arthur, and let us be real, what is the likelihood that he would flat out tell Bill that he raped Arthur? Low, I'd think. Most likely, he would just say that the two of them had sex.

Now think about this- Bill has mostly likely lived his entire life hiding his sexuality and only expressing it in secret because if he does otherwise, he will be punished in some form or another. But now he learns that another man in camp, the fucking enforcer of all people, has apparently went to this man for sex.

Do you realize what this means for a gay person? Especially a gay person who lives in a society that actively discourages and punishes same-sex relations? It doesn't necessarily mean that that person would try to drum up a relationship, but there is comfort in the fact that now you know another person who is experiencing the same thing you are- the solidarity in that is priceless. I would know, I come from a culture that still kills gay people.

When Bill comes up to Athur, he genuinely sound giddy, like he found a big secret. There wasn't really any malice in his voice, other than a "haha, guess what I just found out" sort of tone.

When Arthur tells him to get out of there, he didn't seem offended. He didn't seem annoyed or aggressive, which is unusual for Bill. He just puts his hands up in surrender and goes off, almost as if he was saying "hey, I get it man," in the sense that a man during this time period, especially a man like Arthur, wouldn't want to be found out as gay. Internalized homophobia was definietly rampant.

He genuinely doesn't seem to have malice in that tone- Bill only talks like that when he is either excited or happy or acting like a human being. And at this point in the game, Bill still respected Arthur, so I doubt he would want to step on his toes, especially in a way like that.

If I am not talking out of my ass, this could be such a great moment of character development for Bill- sympathy for another man supposedly like him in the world that they lived in. Fucking Bill having sympathy and empathy- who would've thought.

Or he could be mocking Arthur for being a rape victim because Bill is genuinely a piece of shit.

But on the off chance that he does not? What an interesting microcosm of LGBTQ+ dynamics in 1899 America.

In any case, FUCK SONNY AND DONT GET INVITED INTO HOUSES IN THE SWAMPS-

[detshin]

uhm, how exactly will gosho develop the cousin thing in the manga.

I mean, I wouldn't know, honestly. What goes on in the mind of that man only he knows (and sometimes I doubt even that).

My opinion under the read more...

Personally, I've already stated many times that it's a trope I've liked and headcanoned for a long while now, and it's not like it's COMPLETELY out of the blue. The whole "they look the same" is a big factor, there have been references to them having some sort of "ancestor" in common, the Toichi and Yusaku tease was already there in the childhood case of Shinichi (where Toichi appeared and called Shinichi big bro btw 👀) and there was a time long ago that Gosho said something about it in an interview and that it was going to be talked about.

Anyway, point is, I could see this going in different ways. I would LOVE to see this being explored and dealt with nicely and seriously, but my hopes for that are low. He'll either just have it mentioned and never more explored or talked about (like with akemi and akai), or maybe in the mk manga now to talk about Toichi, I don't know?

Because honestly, I feel like people are getting hung up on the cousins thing and are forgetting about the confirmation of what we all have been fearing and it's that Toichi is indeed alive and both of Kaito's parents suck ass. And what scares me is the possibility of it being comedic or Kaito being okay with it or something when he deserves to have that be explored. He became a criminal because of it! And his parents know and aren't doing ANYTHING!

I've said this before, MK is not as shits and giggles as it seems. Story is pretty darn dark if you think about it. Kaito is one of if not THE most solitary (lonely) character of the dcmk universe. He is not as the fandom tends to represent him sometimes. That's not Kaito. The over the top, flirty, pompous one is Kid. It's a mask. A facade. Kaito is not like that, he is just a teen who is struggling to make real connections with people and who is terrified of being found out as a criminal and cannot for the life of him let people IN because they'll see right through him and whose "dead" dad taught him NOT TO SHOW HIS EMOTIONS.

Kaito NEEDS some support. Jii alone is not enough. His own parents have lied to him his entire life and he's constantly alone, grieving for something that is not real. He has Aoko, but he CAN'T let her in completely for obvious reasons. Hakuba's there, but same thing. And I'm sorry but Akako I don't really think counts either, he actively seems not to really even like her or whatever...

MY POINT IS. If Kaito can get some new family members that could support him... Why refuse it, no? I'm not talking about Yusaku because he's also been keeping him in the dark and all and hasn't really seemed to do anything about it. But Yukiko (yes I'm choosing to believe she's also oblivious to Kaito being put in that situation) and Shinichi? Oh, those two could do wonders for someone like Kaito, in my opinion. Because Yukiko is Yukiko (she was born to be the cool aunt), and Shinichi is... Well... Shinichi. He could understand Kaito and actively show him support and help. They COULD be amazing as family.

Now it's all just a matter of... Does Gosho WANT to go that deep into this? Or is he going to continue to disregard Kaito's suffering and not give him anyone to lean on?

Anyway, cousins Kaito and Shinichi rule!

[jamiedc-they-them]

Family (Platonic)

This one is a bit long!!! Nimona was so good, and meant so much to me! Wanted to do this as soon as I saw the film and have finally completed it! Just a quick warning, story contains some mentions of self doubt over lgbt identity, some mentions of Suicidal Ideation, and I think that is all (if I have forgotten anything, please let me know!!!). All my love to my lgbt siblings with everything going on right now <333 you matter so damn much! And this film coming at a time like this (and even more so after I learnt about the author of the graphic novel!) is everything!

Also, all my love to the WGA and SAG-AFTRA, keep fighting the good fight!!! I wouldn’t be here writing this (or really any fanfic) without your incredible writing and work! <333

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Nimona and Y/N are not siblings by blood, but choice, friendship, and loyalty. They find that support and acceptance in each other; but, when they catch wind of a knight who is just has hated as them, they see an opportunity to find someone else to add to their family.

If you had parents, you didn’t know them.

You just remembered always being out in the streets, just about standing by.

You never stole, you just took whatever left others you either found, or were given out of sympathy.

Pity did get you a long way, you had to admit.

People felt sorry for you, but then did nothing else to help you.

While it hurt, it never really put a chip on your shoulder. There was nothing anything you could do anyway. You couldn’t fight. You didn’t have a lot of strength in you.

One time, a group of people decided to leverage that. People like you; left behind and given nothing but scraps. Instead of coming together, however, they saw you as a weak link; something to blame for their issues and lot in life.

Just when you thought that would be it for you, someone called out. The pain stopped, but even if it lingered. You weren’t hit again. Your hearing was fuzzy, eyesight blurry.

You blacked in and out a few times.

When you came to, you are on a couch. You hear someone humming. You sit up, slowly, and see a girl around your age cooking.

“Oh, hey!” She says, turning back to you with a smile on her face, “don’t worry about those guys,” she assures you, “I took care of them.”

She seems almost proud.

Still, you just feel good that they’re gone now.

“You can have some of this, if you want,” she says, gesturing to her food.

“I don’t…I don’t want to be a burden,” you say.

You hear a growl, and see a red tiger in front of you, baring it’s teeth, “who said that?” She demands.

“No one really. Just…just the vibe, I guess?”

You look down, subconsciously; the girl seems to notice this, only watching you as you scramble to find the words you need. Then —

“I’m sorry…for not – for not knowing anymore. Could use someone like you out there.”

You feel something on your leg. Looking down, you see a red cat, rubbing itself on your leg. It looks up at you, before jumping on the couch.

“It’s not your fault, kid,” the cat says, “we’ll find them.”

You stroke the cat again. You feel safe. Sure, it’s a talking cat, but the cat was a girl a minute ago. You’ve seen what the world can hold magic wise. You know different things exist. Some people thrown out for all sorts of things they can’t control; this is that for her.

“‘We’?” You echo back to her, as she changes back to her redheaded form, arms crossed with a smirk on her face.

“Hell yeah, us!” She says, arms now up in the air, “we can watch each others back! Like a –“ her eyes light up, “like a sidekick!”

Something in your eyes brighten; something in hers soften, slightly.

They both do that a bit more as your smile widens, “ok then, where do we start?”

“Well, how about names?” She says, but there’s excitement in her eyes, “I’m Nimona!” She says, holding her hand out.

“I’m…” you say, holding out your hand and then pausing, “oh…”

She seems to catch onto what you mean, “I have a bunch of lists of names if you want to look?” She offers.

You nod, eagerly, and she fetches it – throwing some other items over her shoulder while she looks. She presents it to you. It’s a massive scroll that unfurls, “take your pick!” She says, arms outstretched to it like a ‘ta-da’ like pose. She’s proud of it.

You do pick one, even if it takes a bit of time. Still, you find one that works for you:

Y/N.

“Had a feeling you’d like that one,” she says, “I like it!”

You smile again. She does too, even if hers looks a bit like a snarl in a way; seems she’s already thinking of the damage you’ll do together. For you though, it’s about not being alone anymore.

You do get up to trouble. A lot of trouble. You paint art on walls; you play pranks on the guards so you can get somewhere – or sometimes just for fun.

Nimona’s ability to shapeshift is so damn cool. Internally, she feels a spark of happiness she hasn’t felt in a long time at your genuine acceptance and awe of her ability.

She, in turn, helps you find yourself as well. Your style, clothing wise. She notes things that make you uncomfortable as well. Sometimes that leads to deep chats; like the one you have about your lack of care for anything to do with sex or romance, or gender norms.

All she has to say to that is, “metal. Norms are for losers, anyway. I mean, end of the day, you’re Y/N, and I’m Nimona. That’s all that matters.”

It doesn’t matter if it’s something small or major that changes identity wise, her words are always the same and always true.

Her loyalty to you is the same as yours is to hers. You’re always defending her – despite her not always needing it – and backing her up in fights.

You always assure her she has you. You see her moments of vulnerability. Where the mask sort of drops. She always appreciates it. As while she’s not like you in the way of comforting people, she tries to learn from your softness and comforting manners.

You’re all each other have. At least, for a while anyway. You see the news of the manhunt for a man who killed the queen. Someone almost as hated as you are.

Nimona looks to you, and you know what your best friend is thinking.

So, you track him down. She does the talking; though at one point Ballister does look at you and seem to start implying you’re a monster to, and says, “hey, don’t look at them. Look at me,” he complies as he sees you looking around his room. You’re a curious thing.

“What — um, who are…?”

She raises an eyebrow, “they,” she starts, “are Y/N. My best friend and partner in crime and all things evil,” she then leans forward, “and I’m Nimona.”

“Yes…but, what does that mean?” He asks, trying not to piss her off. In his mind, scared he’ll become one of her – he’s sure – many victims.

A smirk appears on her face as she answers, “whatever we want it to mean.”

“Right. Yes. Ok,” he says, “that’s understandable.”

He sees you fiddling with one of his spare arms, “please be careful with that!” He says in fear. You put it back carefully, backing away from it. Nimona raises an eyebrow, letting you handle this. She knows you’re tougher than you look. Don’t get her wrong, you look better now; both a bit more comfortable in your own skin, but also decently fed.

“What is that?” You ask.

“Oh…it’s one of my spares. Just an old prototype I guess, for this,” he says, gesturing to his arm.

“Hm,” you say, looking at it and then the old version, “it’s always nice to have a spare.”

“Like a sidekick!” Nimona says, adding it one to try and persuade the knight – or ex-knight you guessed.

“No, no! Those things do not match!”

“Oh, come on!” Nimona snaps at Ballister. You just watch the interaction go on. She’s always been a stubborn one.

Still, he leaves on his own. You sigh, looking to your friend, “come on,” you say, opening the door to go to where he will end up.

“Ok, kid. You ok with a quick flight?” Nimona asks you as you look at the scale of the building. It’s intimidating; that, and heights were never your thing.

You gulp, “y-yeah.”

“Alright!” She says, happy you’re trying to put yourself out there more.

So, up you go. Despite the fact that she can shapeshift, she keeps you in mind as well as you sneak into the cells section. You do, however, keep watch, letting her go into the cell and break Ballister out the old fashion way – and the way she more enjoys, violently punching the release.

In the closet, you help keep it closed, finding more items. Out of the two, you’ve always been the more resourceful one.

She gives you a single look after Ballister makes his promise. You know what she’s going to do, so you just pull Ballister back a bit as Nimona shifts once again.

Having had some close calls and only gotten away via her shifting, you’re able to stay on better than Ballister, though you do help him when you can reach him. As for you and Nimona, however, you’re pretty much in synch with each other.

However, then comes the need for an exit. You know Nimona can fly, but she can’t hold both of you. So —

“I’ll lead them away,” you say, not allowing anyone to stop you as you take off in the opposite direction.

“Y/N, no! Come back!” Nimona calls out to you. She knows you are quick on your feet, but this is a bad place to try to be. Don’t get her wrong, she’s having fun causing havoc, but now what she might gain in a boss, she may lose a friend. She won’t do that.

Still, nothing she can do. Boss comes first.

So, off she goes, getting them both to the floor.

“Do you see them?” Nimona asks; and he hears the concern in her voice. She’s violent, but cares a lot. He respects that. Despite being surround and fighting, he tries as much as he can to keep an eye out for you.

“There!” He shouts, pointing up before dodging another strike.

Nimona turns as well, smirking, but concern still in her eyes as she sees you near a ledge. You don’t even think about it, you just jump.

So, with the wings once again, she flies upwards, dodging any attacks, before catching you and bring you down to the ground.

You both roll, before joining the Frey once again. You’ve never been as good in fights as her, but your agility and quick thinking does help. Nimona goes more aggressive once she sees Ballister in trouble. You go around some of the guards to help, but you’re taken down too.

That’s only enrages her further.

After you escape, you both start to bond with him. And, he seems a bit more at ease with you both now. You did break him out after all. So, he lets you help. Being a bit more open to ideas.

You all get down to the subway, seeing your wanted images. Somehow, you had never been photographed, so you were just a question mark. Seemed fitting, in a way, you guessed.

“Hm, no,” your best friend says, looking from you to the question mark you, “I don’t see the semblance.”

You roll your eyes, and she just giggles to herself. Ballister watches you both, eyes softening slightly at your genuine friendship and connection.

On the subway, he asks you guys, “so, how long have you both known each other?”

You share a look; her’s is asking if you want to say it, and also asking if you are ok with it being said; yours is the same.

You both shrug. She goes first with her tale, using it to make fun of Ballister.

He still seems a little disturbed by her ability to shift, even asking her to go back a to the ‘normal’ version of her. You both raise eyebrows at him. Sure, he tries to cover up by saying that it’s for other people, and not him, but you don’t exactly buy it.

“Are some of your best friends, ‘normal’?” You say, having heard that before with some people trying to cover up their hatred for you by saying that they know others. It’s bullshit.

“What? I — I, no… No, that’s not what I meant —“ he says, trying to correct his error.

“Too late,” you say, folding your arms, looking away.

Nimona changes back to her human self, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“I, uh, I’m sorry,” Ballister says. You keep looking away.

“Boss means it, Y/NN,” Nimona says, squeezing your shoulder a bit.

Ballister goes to say something else, but Nimona only holds up a hand. He nods, knowing that this is your moment. You need your own breather.

After a moment, you look up at him, seeing his eyes holding a genuine guilt to it. And a plead to make this all better. It’s the first time someone other than Nimona has looked at you. Like a person. A friend, maybe even.

You look at your best friend, the only person you’ve ever been able to call family, and she gives you a smile. You mirror it, putting your hand on top of hers.

“Thanks, Nim,” you say softly.

She removes her hand, before nudging you with her arm, “course, squirt. You and me, right?” She says, holding out her pinky finger. You link yours to hers.

“You and me. Nimona and Y/N.”

“And that’s all that matters.”

Ballister smiles. Then a thought comes to him about the question he asked but didn’t get answers to.

“Are you guys siblings?”

You look at each other again, and nod in sync.

“Closest we’ll ever get to it.”

“That’s cool,” he says, “seriously. Having a friend is…it must be nice.”

Again, you share a look; your journeys have been rough, and you’ve saved each other more times than you can count, but he’s right.

Nimona changes to a small boy, and you smile at her comment of “I am today,” before she goes off to do her part of this hastily cobbled together plan.

Ballister notices your look, “what’s wrong?”

“Just…it’s weird.”

Ballister chuckles, but not in a mean why; more surprise than anything else, “can’t be, especially not compared to my day so far.”

You nod, only really half listening. But, the words come out of your mouth before you can stop them, “I don’t…I don’t feel a fit in with…all this,” you say, pointing to him and then a random woman across the road, “and Nim…she’s fluid with it, you know? Labels don’t really matter to her. I like them. But…I can’t find the right ones. We do our names, and it works and it…I mean, it’s a statement and I love that, really. I just — I don’t know.”

“We’ll find it,” he says, not catching himself on the first word, “trust me, from what I’ve seen of Nimona, she’d burn it all down for you to find it.”

“We’ve taken up too much time,” you say, clearing your throat, gesturing for him to follow you, as you watch the man Nimona was – well, once distracting, but now chasing, went around the corner, “sorry.”

You don’t give him time to say anything back in return, you just take his hand and lead him out into the street once again, trying to find a getaway.

He recognises someone; the one with the punchable face? Maybe, you can’t quite remember. Either way, Ballister is terrified.

He hastily gets you into the vehicle with him, but you do see Nimona with a giddy smile as she shuts the boot.

Then, off you go, though Nimona does call out to you to get down.

With nothing but blind luck, you make it to an alley way. Ballister freaks out at Nimona being hurt, but she doesn’t show it hurts that much. You’re sure it does, but not as much as what is going on inside of her. You sit on the boot of the vehicle as they talk, though they do make their conversation loud enough to make you feel included.

You watch with soft eyes at the interaction, and how Nimona describes it all. When she jumps down when saying “I just wouldn’t be me,” she puts a hand on your leg too, “just like they wouldn’t be them.”

She then nudges you, “go on, bud,” she says softly, gesturing over to the bench, “go have your lil session. I’ll stay with this guy,” she says, jumping up on the boot, legs swinging.

Silently, you go over to Ballister. He looks at a cut on your arm. You aren’t entirely sure when you got it, but he does what he can to clean it.

“May I try ask again how you met?”

“Sure,” you say, looking to Nimona, she nods, encouraging smile in tow, “not the greatest of origin stories. I was always a street rat,” a crumbled up piece of paper hits your head, thrown by your best friend, “Was just always out on the streets. Never remembered anything from before. Guess either I was abandoned by parents dying, or they just left me.”

Ballister pauses, looking at you with sympathy. Nimona’s eyes are casted down to the floor. Like noted before, your lives weren’t easy, even if you had each other. The chaos was always fun, when you guys controlled it. Rebellion was something you both loved, but you were always focused more on survival than rebellion; even though you tried.

“I’m so sorry.”

You give him a sad smile, “I have my moments where…” you drift off. Nimona’s eyes shoot right up to your figure. She knows where your thoughts are going.

“Your parents were either unlucky, or bad people,” she says, “if it’s the latter, then they lost out on someone awesome.”

“Thanks, Nim.”

“No, she’s right,” Ballister says in support, “you’re a sweet, kid. You’re loyal, and kind.”

“But I don’t know who I am.”

“Well, if it helps, I thought I liked girls when I was around your age,” you chuckle softly at that after he does.

“I don’t think I want that from anyone,” you admit. Nimona smiles, glad you feel safe enough to say it. It’s your own small rebellion; she can’t be prouder of you, even muttering out a small ‘hell yeah’ under her breath.

“That’s cool,” Ballister says; you scrunch your eyes brows up slightly, not expecting him to say that, “we want what we want from life. And…if I may ask, about the other thing?”

“…I – I don’t…I don’t think ‘he’ or ‘she’ fit me. I mean,” you look to Nimona in self consciousness, “I know that’s swapping one label for another, but —”

“Labels can help us find a home in ourselves,” she says, wisely. Ballister looks to her, seeing her gaze soft as she continues, “sometimes they change. But, as long as it’s your choice on it changing, then it’s all cool with me.”

You nod, but Nimona catches the slight guilt in your eyes. She hops off the boot, approaching you as Ballister finishes his work on the cut – having only resumed it after your addition, “I always said I’ll tell ya as many times as you need. And I don’t mind, really,” she says, putting an arm on your good shoulder, “you’re my little buddy. My best friend. You’re Y/N, and who that is may shift and change, but you’re still you at the core of that.”

Emboldened by your friends and the feeling of safety to be honest, you look to the man in the boot, “shall we?”

The two look to the man, who then speaks. Saying he’s happy for you all, but now really just wants to be let go.

“Oh, yeah,” your best friend says, cracking her knuckles.

You get the video evidence that’s you need. This is it, your boss – and maybe even friend at this point – can be free. Sure, it pisses you both off at his want to still believe in this system – this system that is built to hate people like you – but you still go with him. Nimona says she’s in it because everyone hate’s Ballister too; and yes, that is part of your reasoning too – you guys aren’t alone anymore. But…if you’re honest with yourself, it’s mainly the latter part to that. To find your crew, you go by your labels and accept you fully.

The plan goes well, and you all escape together this time. Ballister holding you as you fly away.

“Why didn’t we think of this the first time?” You shout over the wind.

“We’re not very smart!” Nimona says with a chuckle.

“You have your moments, though?” Ballister asks, cheekily.

You both laugh this time, “seems so!” You say in sync.

Back at Ballister’s, the events of everything, including another brawl - this time you were more successful - though Ballister was almost taken in but you guys won, and feeling of safety, allows you to sleep soundly for once. Nimona runs a hand through your hair, head in her lap. Ballister puts a blanket over her.

“Don’t wake them, Boss,” is all Nimona says, quietly.

Ballister chuckles quietly, “I won’t, don’t worry,” he assures, before going to his computer.

Nimona soon falls asleep herself.

When Ballister meets with Ambrosius, nothing on your past comes up. Ambrosius is question on it, and says, “I’m sorry, Bal. I really am. I think that (he/she) —“

“They,” he interjects.

“Ok, sorry, yes,” Ambrosius says, correcting himself, “I think they may of met Nimona and been taken down a path. But,” he reaches out and takes Ballister’s hands in his own, “you can stop this. You can save them. We can.”

When Ballister comes back, Nimona seemingly has a sixth sense about this. She wakes up, happy, but slightly on edge when she sees the look on his face. Carefully, she removes herself from you.

“What are you?” Ballister seethes.

“We aren’t doing this here,” Nimona says, moving to the back of the couch, as if a shield.

“Answer me.”

“You aren’t dragging them into this,” she says, a fiery protectiveness in her gaze, “do you know how much they’ve been –“

“How much as done because of you?” That stings, she won’t lie, “you drag them around with you into your schemes. They’re an innocent pers-“

“Exactly,” Nimona says, keeping her voice quiet, but letting the anger still roll through her words, “so, if you wanna blame someone, which you oh so apparently do, then blame me, ok?”

“What’s going on?” You say, slurred as you still adjust to the world. You blink a few times, before slowly sit up on the sofa. You turn to your friends, and both have angry looks on their faces, “what’s wrong?”

“Gloreth,” Ballister says, “the darkness she was fighting to keep out? It was her,” he says, ripping the bandaid off instantly.

You look to Nimona, eyes wide, but not filled with fear, just shock.

“Y/N…” Nimona says, seemingly only seeing what she wants to.

“Nim,” you say, taking her hands in your own, “it doesn’t matter,” despite the reassurances, her mind is already made up. Those voices that she’s kept at bay for herself, and help you fight – and you have returned the favour in both small and large ways – are back in full force. You can see it on your friend…on your sister’s face. It pains you to no end.

“Get away from her, Y/N,” Ballister advices.

“No,” you say, firmly.

“Y/N, please…” you hate how her voice cracks a bit, looking at you.

“Hey, what was it you always said? We’re all we’ve got. You and me, yeah?”

“Don’t you understand what she is. She’s a —”

“No,” you spit, looking to Ballister, who is a bit taken aback, “it doesn’t matter. It matters who she really is. She’s Nimona. Just like I’m Y/N, and you’re Ballister. You’re the ex-knight. I’m the street rat, and Nimona is the reason this broken system was made in the first place.”

“It’s not broken,” Ballister says, running a hand through his hair.

“It always has been!” You shout, he jumps, “don’t you get that? Someone framed you for power. That power is used to make people like me hate themselves. It turns people against each other. It tears people apart, and you still support it!”

“Because it keeps us safe from monsters who want to destroy it!” He can’t stop the words as they tumble out. But, as soon as he sees you both flinch, he wants to take it back.

Nimona runs first, and as you go to follow, you pause at Ballister’s door, “you know, I really thought you’d be different,” the words strike him just like Ambrosius’ sword did. Then, you’re gone.

He slams his hand onto the table, swiping objects away. One gets his attention, that old arm he’d made. The spare. The useful spare. The one that got him through a lot before this better one.

Sure, he knew the metaphor didn’t completely work, but you were curious being. You just wanted to find safety, and Nimona just wanted to find that as well. You were both just looking for love in a world that hid it from you because of who you were.

He remembered when he first came out, how it was rocky. You were both young (sure, Nimona was old in terms of this story of her, but she was a young girl in physical form) and your lives had been several levels below rocky.

You and Nimona were all you had. He…god he realises, he was part of that too. For a moment, they let someone else in. Let someone else be a lifeline.

The words he’d said…he could see on Nimona’s face when she looked at you that something had changed in your dynamic as soon as he said it. She looked at you like she was a poison, and there was no antidote. He always remembered your words, about how at the beginning you would…oh, oh he knows what you mean now by what you wanted to do.

That pain because you couldn’t be free; you couldn’t completely be you. Oh no. Oh god.

He finds his sword. The thing that started him on this path. A path that led him to you both. Two spirited, loyal people.

He then feels the ground shake. He looks to the tv. He knows who that is. He knows who is on one last run.

“Good Gloreth,” he says, before running out of the door, just hoping that he isn’t too late. That he can make this right. As right as he can, anyway.

As for you, you try all you can to get Nimona’s attention, and she only flies away. God, you hate it; you’ve never really been out to this part of the walled off city before. You don’t know where she would go. You go to the town. There’s an abandoned building you went to one time when at a low. Nimona saved you that day, flying up to you and sitting with you. It must’ve been hours, but she managed to get you down and home. Sure, that location changed. But Nimona was a constant. She was family. She was home. She was security; always there for a pep talk or defence. You were always there with a plan or a way out. She’d always follow them, executing them to a T. You just worked.

You affirmed each other. Any doubts you’d talk about. You’d clean swap clothes, steal some if they didn’t fit or felt wrong. Tag areas with different names, but the same style so everyone knew it’s was you.

You feel a rumble as you reach the top of the building. A dark, shadowy creature, makes its way into town. Stomping over things, but not hitting anything. The only time it does is when it’s shot, screeching out in pain as it falls down.

You know who it is. You recognise a part of the scream.

It’s Nimona.

You look down the building, a hell of a drop. You see more of the flying vehicles going for her. Quickly, you do some calculations. You take a few steps back. Don’t get yourself wrong, you’re not in the healthiest of mindsets right now. If you miss, it’s a big drop, and then…well, whatever comes next. But, you have to try this. You have to try and protect your family as best you can. So, counting down quickly, you run.

You jump.

You land right on one of the vehicles. The guard is too shocked to really do anything. So, you push him with all your might, and he falls, but catches himself. You just focus on the controls of this thing. Not that many. It’s simple, but effective. It works.

So, despite some near crashes, you sort of get the hang of this thing. You use it to shoot at the attackers hurting Nimona. Some fire back at at you, others dodge and keep going at this person they decided needs to be put down for the benefit of the people.

You try your most, even get lucky, but there’s a lot of carnage going on; all their own doing.

You see, however, what Nimona is making a bee line for. The sharp end of a sword that was pointed at her so long ago.

You race forward, not even noticing your previous guard friend managing to climb back up. He wrestles with you for the controls. Once again sending you pretty much into things. However, he then pulls the breaks, but catches you before you fall. He’s not looking at you now, he’s looking at Nimona, who is stood in front of the sword, white, beating heart out.

“NO!” You cry, sending the vehicle forward once again. You get to the sword, jumping off it. The guard tries to stop you, but just misses.

“Stop —“ he calls. But, a new voice stops him.

“They’re with me!” Ballister, “they’re with me.”

He looks at you; so many apologies and silent words being sent at you at once.

You nod, “later,” you say, before running to save your sister. He follows. You both hold her back. She looks down at you.

Ballister apologises to her as well. She looks to you.

“Please don’t,” is all you can say, “I need my sister. I need my sister,” you say, repeating it as your tears finally leak.

She changes back, and you both catch her. She looks a mess, beaten to high hell, but alive.

“I love you too,” she says to you as the three of you hug. You pull back, looking at her with elation -she’d always shown it, never said it; but you did always, sort of selfishly, wanted to hear her say it – and she chuckles tiredly and brings you into a hug of just the two of you, “I need my sibling in my life too. Besides, you rebelled completely against them,” she says, having seen you on the roof and your stunt, “guess I could do something a bit different, yeah?”

You chuckle, tightening the hug. It feels right. Like pieces of a puzzle coming together. Ballister joins, and it mostly feels complete.

A hug of a family. Of people who love and accept each other.

People soon start running again, and you all see a giant cannon aimed directly at you all. You all look at the citizens, knowing it will hurt them as well.

“No –“ you say, looking to Nimona, knowing what she is planning.

She smiles, however; her mind is mind up.

She kisses you on the forehead, “I love you,” she mumbles, before giving Ballister a wink, “take care of them for me, Boss.”

“Nimona,” Ballister says, trying to stop her. To try find another way.

However, “we know I’m fast enough to stop that thing,” she says, “and we’re wasting too much time. I get to punch someone with a punchable face, like really hard,” she then looks back to you, and sees you about to break again, “hey,” she says, cupping your face in her hands, “I’ll always be here,” she puts her hand on your chest, “you’ve got this. You’re gonna build a new, better, world.”

With that, she turns into a phoenix, and flies right into the cannon. The explosion rocks the wall, creating a massive gap in it. What does it show? It shows that the outside world is beautiful, that they had anything to fear. There is danger there, but also beauty. So much beauty.

Ballister and you go down to try and find Nimona, instead you only find red specs flying around.

You curl up into a ball, letting out sobs.

Ambrosius comforts Ballister, but saw how you were with the guardsman above. Granted in glimpses, but given your friendship with Nimona, your distrust of this system that he too is now questioning is understandable. So, he lets Ballister take his time before bringing you into a hug as you both cry for your fallen friend.

Some time passes, and you are all called heroes. You move in with Ballister, and your friendship rebuilds. He becomes this role model to you of perseverance and light. Softness and love. He becomes a sort of parental figure. He supports you when you stumble, and you do the same for him.

Ambrosius respects your boundries. He’s a nice person, even if you have your many issues with the system. He listens, like actually listens to them, and does what he can to set them right. He knows it will take time, but he knows you’ll appreciate the effort.

It’s slow going with him, but he is sweet. He’s kind. So, you are warming up to him. And he’s getting to know you. And, you do have to admit, him and Bal are sweet.

One day, when you’re in home alone, Bal and Ambrosius out on a date, you hear something. It’s like the wind, but that’s not possible as it’s a peaceful day. You then turn, seeing a glare of light. It gets brighter and brighter —

And then it stops. You lower your hand, and drop your bowl of popcorn. It doesn’t break, but the effect is there.

“Hey, champ,” you hear her say.

And you barrel right into Nimona’s awaiting arms. She chuckles, spinning you around before putting you back on the ground, “oh, look at you!” She says, turning your head with her hands, noting the subtle changes to your style and your looks, “you look so good!”

You chuckle, before going in for another hug. She hugs you back just as tightly.

She shuts her eyes, hoping to hold this moment in her mind forever; just as you are as well.

She pulls back, then looks to the TV, “what you watching, squirt?” She asks. You grab her hand, and pull her to it, hopping over it, which she mirrors on the other side, before now sharing the blanket with her and handing her the bowl and filling it up with more popcorn.

You hit play, and both watch the TV.

Bal comes back, and does a double take when he sees you both. It’s like a mirror version of the last time he saw you asleep on her lap, hand going through your hair again.

“Oh, hey, Boss,” she says, “just figured I’d pop in, say ‘hi’ and all that.”

Ballister can only laugh, tears of happiness forming in his eyes.

“Hi,” he says, holding his arms open.

“Hey,” she says, hugging him.

The family is complete.

Y/N and Nimona the siblings; and Balister and Ambrosius the parental/older siblings. The label isn’t exactly exact, but sometimes labels aren’t. They fluctuate.

But the love, just as the person, is still there. Still them. Still have all that love and hope inside of them.

Some people like labels, some don’t.

Either way, you all fit together. You all know what you are.

Family. And a family who aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

[tismtron]

can I ask for specific hcs? (ex trans characters or sth like that)

I want to make this to what I personally see while also keeping it to character I can. Like for example I don’t think mean little teenage boys from the 90s to early 2000s know what demiromantic means nor are going to know that theres more than two genders. Much less grown ass men who canonically have Facebook. Just a pet peeve

Hyperspecific or weird headcanons

Bill Dickey

•He is a dictionary definition of a sociopath or has antisocial personality disorder; but has never been to the doctors to be diagnosed. He wouldn’t even think there’s anything wrong with him either nor would think he would have any symptoms, even when they heavily show up a lot.

•symptoms of antisocial personality disorder are characterized by: those with antisocial personality disorder tend to lie, break laws, act impulsively, and lack regard for their own safety or the safety of others. Which we see him do by lighting himself on fire to intentionally burn down the comic shop and everyone in it.

•His overall lack for empathy for others is very prominent from the beginning to the end of the comic series.

•He is not gay, but he isn’t straight either. His hatred and Blanton misogyny towards women compared to his almost religous idolization fictional men is something that speaks for itself.

•Deep down he is aromantic. Though I doubt he would find out about this for himself until he’s seventy-five years old or dead in the grave. He dreams and yearns for sexual intimacy but doesn’t want to actually achieve it with a person in real life. He sees sex more as a social status to achieve than something you do with your partner in a romantic relationship.

•my most extreme head canon I mentioned in my general head canon post was that his parents are divorced and his mother has full custody of him and his sister.

•His father used to be very abusive to him and his sister but neither of them really registered that ‘violence and beating each other is bad’ and that’s why they are so violent towards each other and just physically aggressive in general. Also gives a reason why we never see his father.

Jerome Stokes

•is neurodivergent, more specifically having verbal stimming and stutters when trying to say the letter B. Jerry is more high-functioning on the ASD spectrum.

•Hates having his clothes wet, some clothing material like polyesters or cotton and can’t stand certain smells and lights because of sensory issues. But with his friends or if had partner was around him when he was having sensory problems he would mask and try to thug it out even though he is having a mental breakdown internally.

•It would take a lot for him to even open up about his feelings because he emotionally shuts himself off when his with the club members to get less hurt when they shit on his interest in fantasy or get into fights verbal and literal fights.

•Lives with his mother and father but they’re very religious and conservative so they don’t support his fantasy hobbies at all but let him indulge thinking “it’s just a phase”. They don’t really know how to live with the fact he is neurodivergent, specifically his mother. His father works a job with long hours so he is rarely home, if he is home he’s not awake half of the time. So his mother helicopters him and coddles him when he doesn’t need to be.

•The most open minded person of the group, but will follow in the clubs behaviors because he doesn’t want to be excluded or not have friends despite the ones he has right now are god awful.

•Has definitely was sent to Christian camp over the summer in middle school. His mom has found some of his fantasy porn stash in his closet and thought he was going astray from god.

Josh Levy

•Josh is a collective turned organized hoarder and over consumer. He canonically stated in the comics how he lost the passion in his hobbies and now just grasps at any collectibles he can find just to have them.

•sort of a sudo-masochist. Like he would never enjoy pain for his own pleasure but he’d know when he’s miserable and is aware what he does isn’t healthy, but continues to do it because he’s already in the deep shit of it.

•speaking of shit, the fact he only eats certain food products because they have collectibles even though he hates the food and has horrendous bowel movements on the regular makes him so much more sadder because he is willing to borderline torture himself just to collect.

•He comes from a Jewish family and a very religious family at that.

•he has naturally curly hair but he doesn’t shower almost at all so his curls turn into a greasy oily slick mop of a ponytail.

•moles and birthmarks all over his body.

•secretly closeted gay, and has probably online dated with men but will die in his grave than come out to his friends or loved ones.

Pete Dinunzio

•Pete is seen to have some anger issues in the pilot and in the comics like bill, but his anger derives from a sense of justice and fairness (though only when it benefits him).

•lives with a very strict and intense father and a couple older brothers, along with his more lenient mother.

•closeted gay but is homophobic to out gay people because he can’t process his own turmoil and eternalized homophobia. (his family is catholic Italian New Yorkers they probably don’t fuck with gay people.)

•Pete is impulsive and vain. Not thinking about the consequences of his choices like the other boys but his hobbies do take a toll on him more differently than the other three. when he gets older he thrives in an environment where they enable his worst habits and addiction to the point where he is a assistant producer in snuff films, horror porn, etc.

•you could hold the argument where Josh has a similar path in his career as swell, but Josh is only and editor while Pete is a co-producer. Having a higher job title and embedding the fact that this is no longer a new he hobby but apart of who he is in the worst way possible to where he is taking sexual advantage of the women who work for him.

•He wants to be covered in tattoos when he’s older with full sleeves and everything, but in his later years has a couple of five to eight tattoos scattered over his body.

•this is very much a stretch but I think he warms up to people like rigby from regular show. (stay with me-please) He is very distant and mean at first but if he warms up to you he will grow to be very loyal towards you.

[thatguywhodoesstuff]

Some Unsorted Thoughts Regarding Murder Drones Episode 7 & Episode 8

Hopping back online for a moment to post a bunch of unsorted thoughts & mini-theories about the upcoming episodes:

Nori and Yeva are well and truly dead, and didn’t fake their deaths like I’ve seen others theorize. Despite this, I can picture them directly being involved with the plot via some convoluted Absolute Solver related shenanigans.

Personally, I like to think all Drones can save, edit, & transfer copies of their memories in a manner akin to saving files onto a flash drive to transfer over to another computer to be modified. This isn’t all that far fetched given how V and N’s memories were altered and how Uzi managed to help recover them.

Going off of the above points and the fact that each episode lampoons a different horror genre, I feel that we are due a good ol’ fashioned psychological thriller. I can easily imagine the under depths of the labs being loaded with all sorts of Eldritch nonsense (like those decidedly organic hands that drag off N during the trailer) that will undoubtedly push everyone to their breaking point before episode 8 even happens.

I’ve always had the long-standing theory/belief that Khan actually knows more than he lets on. I know there isn’t a lot to back this up, but it’s just something I always thought would make sense given everything he’s managed to live through.

I am of the mind that Nori was not the one to cause the core collapse that wiped out the humans on Copper-9. If anything, I think it would be neat if the core collapse was a complete accident that actually prevented/delayed the Absolute Solver from destroying Copper-9, with the event simply happening to coincide with whatever hell Nori was undoubtedly raising at the time.

I’ve seen a number of people point out how Uzi seems to be in control of herself when she grips N’s hand, and while a number of people seem to interpret this as her being mad at him for keeping secrets, I’m not convinced that’s the case. My crackpot theory is that Uzi is going to learn some hard facts about her mother and she is not going to handle them well and, with everything else going on, needs N now more than ever for emotional support, probably at the expense of his own mental well-being.

The cathedral under Cabin Fever labs was either built by Drones already under the thrall of the AS or Drones like Alice who got trapped in the facility and went insane from the experience.

As for what purpose the cathedral actually serves, I feel it could’ve an actual place of worship for the Absolute Solver, just as easily as it could be a conduit to broaden the area of influence of the malevolent “program”. Then again, it could just as easily serve as both, sort of like a giant transmitter/receiver with a decidedly gothic style to it for added flair.

There is this weird feeling in the back of my head that we won’t get a proper confrontation between the gang and Doll and, in true subversive horror fashion, something will happen to her that takes her out of the plot, at least for the rest of the season.

Part of me wonders if the reason Tessa acted so strange during episode 6 is rooted in the trauma from CYN’s massacre. After witnessing that and implicitly having been seriously injured, it wouldn’t surprise me if Tessa is poorly coping with the situation at hand. I also can’t help but wonder if she’s got a touch of robophobia directed towards Solver infected Drones.

Out of everyone, I feel that N is the least likely to perma-die in the upcoming episodes. In pretty much every horror series I’ve ever watched the nice one (when they aren’t one of the first people to die) typically lives the longest so that the narrative can torment them, regardless of whether or not they eventually earn their happily ever after. I doubt that N is any different, and I fear that his suffering has yet to begin in earnest.

Doll also doesn’t seem likely to die just yet (but given how Liam doesn’t seem all that shy about killing off major characters when needed…), and I have a feeling that if given the chance she could become a valuable ally, even if the alliance itself would be pretty unstable at best.

Of the four, Tessa and Uzi have the highest number of death flags waving around them. One has to wonder which is worse, losing an old friend who didn’t dehumanize your every action, that you just recently remembered/reunited with or losing the first friend/love you have had in a long time, who has also helped you recognize your own self worth. Either way, N is going to be crushed by the loss, especially given the likelihood of it being at his own hands.

If Tessa dies, I imagine her final moments will involve her bemoaning how N has doomed everyone… only to impart words of encouragement to him and assure him that his loving nature isn’t a weakness and may be instrumental later down the line.

If Uzi dies (I wouldn’t put it past Liam to pull this), it will be in an intense heat of the moment situation that won’t immediately register to her or N. I also think that if Uzi does die, it will only happen in a physical sense. My logic being that since Uzi became N and V’s new Administrator in episode 5, she could continue existing as a voice inside N’s head (sort of like Zane and Pixel from Ninjago), which could also result in N developing Solver powers. Alternatively, Uzi just straight up dies and N has to live with the pain of losing two of his closest friends and his first and second loves… Not to mention the fact a dead Uzi gives the Absolute Solver the perfect ammunition to use against N in the future.

TLDR: That trailer gave me a lot of thoughts and with everything going on in real life, I haven’t been able to put them into text until now. Thank you for taking the time to read the inane ravings of a burnt out college student/part time shut-in. Likes and Reblogs are greatly appreciated…

…I really hope Uzi and N kiss in the season finale.

[yuurivoice]

Not answering is A-okay with me fyi, but I just wanted to say as someone who struggles, THANK YOU for the sh "content" take. Do some people have good intentions? Sure, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Do good intentions even begin to scratch the surface of qualifying someone to handle it in a respectful and proper way regardless of personal experience? Nah. Thanks for keeping your space cool and safe, you're a real one.

- appreciative long time follower

I appreciate the message because sometimes I second guess myself like omg is my stance on this too firm? So hearing that I'm making sense to someone is comforting.

If that sort of stuff has helped people, etc, and it never got weird, I'm glad it helped. I wouldn't want to diminish that experience.

At the same time, my exposure to this that radicalized me was when I stopped in on someone's stream to get some insight into a situation (untold years ago) and got some key info that I think set my opinion in stone.

People boasting that they were making content like that for vulnerable people, and that those people "need us", framing the dynamic in the most codependent, unhealthy way you could fathom.

People who had been making this content since they were MINORS, and into young adulthood, who were also at risk themselves at the time.

Financially incentivizing their help with donations and wishlists, leveraging their own struggles and lack to create what I feel is a radically unhealthy relationship between comfort/aid and risky spending.

So yeah. I don't take too kindly to idiots with microphones specifically targeting vulnerable individuals who need a hotline far more than a parasocial hyperfixation.

I don't speak on a whole lot on shit in the ASMR Roleplay slash hobbyist VA space, but that in particular is a rancid corner I stumbled across that I think invites some of the most at risk, vulnerable members of the community to put their wellness in the hands of people who I frankly wouldn't trust to put my fries in the goddamn bag let alone talk to me about the value of my life and why I should stick around.

If I seem harsh, it's because somebody damn well should be. Shit isn't a game.

Anywho......yep. The topic came up recently in private when I was dealing with an unrelated situation, and I remembered this exact thing and how much it bothered me.

I can respect anyone who would like to hear very specific comfort from one of my boys. I don't fault you for that. You know they'd want the best for you. I just don't think I can personally deliver it to you, and they wouldn't want me to, because I can't do nearly enough for you. You deserve better than care being pantomimed and imagined, and no matter how alone you feel, there are people who will fight for you, you gotta go grab them and tell them you need that. And if they fail, you try again, and again.

Me and my content can be a lot of things, and helping soothe aches is a big part of the job, but there are limits. I think there has to be for the safety and peace for everyone involved.

I can't risk putting myself in a spot where someone has to rely on me like that, and I wouldn't want to put them at risk either. Because I can fail. Maybe the words wouldn't be right. Or the tone didn't match their needs. Or it was just too little too late.

For everyone, that's a path we shouldn't go down. But we can still support one another. I think my characters and their stories are filled with messages and purpose for people who are in need, because I've been there. Quite literally, I'm familiar with the territory. So what I've created reflects that journey. It may not be specifically comfort for the thing. But the underlying meaning and purpose is one that speaks to some of those dark places.

Or not. Because it's art. You'll take what you want from it. But you'd probably find it there if you need to.

Anywho. Thanks for the message, Anon. Take care of yourselves, everyone. 💖

[bloggingboutburgers]

I need some help.

So, I have this friend who’s Aro/Ace, and we have a very close group of us and like 2 other people. He recently came out to this group, and we’re all super supportive. He actually came out to me before the others, and I helped encourage him to tell them.

I am demisexual, and was planning on telling these same people around that time, but he got there first, and I didn’t want to be a jerk so I waited like a day to tell them, but I’m not sure if I waited long enough. He‘s also being weird about me being demi, and kind of treating me like I’m not really part of the same community, like, just little comments, not malicious or anything, but lots of little things.

I was the one to introduce him to all the fun ace memes, like, garlic bread, and such, and I’m the one who explained the difference between romantic and sexual attraction to him, and I introduced him to qprs, but he still treats me like I’m not the same.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I’m already insecure about being aspec, but not fully ace, so it’s just kinda freaking me out. Should I talk to him about it? Just deal with it? I don’t know. I don’t want to „me too“ his identity, but I don’t want to be erased.

Thanks.

Is that like... Ace gatekeeping of sorts...? Man I'm sorry you're going through this, that sounds awkward.

Sorry I'm replying so late, I hope I'm not too late, but... Yeah, personally I would recommend talking to him about it, to find out why he's doing this. I have no idea what's going on here, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he might have felt your coming out might have undermined his in ways, even though that wasn't your intention at all and now HE's undermining yours...

Coming out is a very personal experience that should be up to a person's choice on when and how it's best to do it, so it's important for him to be able to respect yours like you did your best to respect his.

Being queer, and being on the asexual spectrum, is also very personal and CAN lead one to being defensive after having been othered for so long, not sure why, maybe 'cus we're afraid we might be damaged in the process or reduced to an image we don't wanna be reduced to. I mean... I don't know if it's a universal experience, but for instance, while I'm always happy to meet other aros and aces, I have trouble engaging in aroace-dedicated communities (welp... mostly 'cus I'm afraid of groups) but also and mostly, every time I get recommended a work with aro or ace characters in it, it hardly ever fails to give me a massive nervous stomachache and make me want to put off checking out said work forever, 'cus... I think I'm scared of finding out the many ways my identity can get undermined in the process, ironically.

I'm not sure what causes this. Maybe growing up in a reality that's so hostile to being on the aro and ace spectrums fucked me up. And maybe there's something like that going on for him too, though I don't wanna project at all. I can only ever speak about my own experience.

Either way... Both of you are valid in both of your ways, he shouldn't be gatekeeping anything, indirectly or not, especially when you've been so open to sharing your experience, and yeah, you're not the same, but you're on the same spectrum, and there are part of your struggles that you share, and he should respect that. Just because your experience doesn't 100% align with his doesn't undermine either of you. You're in this together and you should be able to have each others' backs. I sincerely hope you can talk it out and I hope he doesn't get too defensive about it... But yeah, I hope you can get your feelings across to him as well, 'cus you don't deserve this. I sincerely wish you both the best.

[herejusttosufferalong]

i got this train of thought and i wanted to share it somewhere before i explodeeee. i am seated at the WH vibing and I think they're endgame for sure. but i am not doubting that L and A have a relationship. now is this relationship going to last? ijbol anyways this is going to be looong message

i have a theory that during the HBS, since L was spiraling and did all that on SM, he might have went to R about advice on what to do with his break up with J and his possible feelings for N. R prob told him terrible advice (given his current relationship) and was like try finding a casual gf and maybe it will help you figure it out! since we don't know how they met (right?) i wouldn't be surprised if she was a friend of a friend of a friend type situation or maybe they did meet on raya and R was supportive lol

what if the pap walk was L's team because they wanted him to have a spotlight moment since N was very much so catching everyone's eye and have A lingering in the bg as a way to like slowly break away from lukola? i wouldn't be surprised if L is still unsure of his feelings and is trying to wrap his head around his feelings about N. in my head, i'd think he would want to try to detach himself publicly from bridgerton/nic/the world just for a little while because all of them have been pushing the lukola agenda and he hasn't been able to wrap his head around realizing that he does like someone who has been there for him for 5 years, been through a seemingly devastating break up, his HBS and is still willing to support him through everything else. the proximity of the tour most likely didn't help either because i don't think they have ever spend this much time with one another since they stop holding back their chemistry. he's said before that it is hard for him to picture friends to lovers since he never experienced it and so i wouldn't be surprised if his feelings for N threw him in for a whirlwind of emotions. the timing of it all seems like it would easily overwhelm him and he just needed a breather and a break which is where A comes in while he sorts what the hell is going on with his feelings.

but then A decided to take it upon herself to try to hold his hand to speed up the "launching" which completely backfired and blew up in their faces. i wouldn't be surprised if she had used the excuse to L that she wasn't aware they were still getting their photo taken which is why she tried to hold his hand entering the hotel and L had bought that or was too tired/stressed to even question. i wouldn't be surprised too if R had gotten involved and been like telling him to not get angry at A for acting that way since L has been so uninvolved with their relationship/launch publicly. maybe L even felt a feeling of guilt? that he wasn't as invested so he can't find it in him to fault her for doing her games.

i think L is being pulled back and forth between N and A. because i'd assume the bton cast is 1000% rooting for LN since they are able to see how they are behind the scenes esp after how they've been during s3. then there's his friend group (or i guess R specifically) who clearly does not like N and would obviously favor A. then there's his family who just wants to support him and probably is too supportive enough to give an opinion and just wants the best for him since he was clearly hurting after J. i feel like he's seeing and hearing all these sides which is frustrating him because it probably isn't helping him process his emotions by himself.

i do think L is starting to pick up on what is happening around him and is starting to realize this shit ain't worth it anymore. imho i think he has been trying to ignore the shitshow everyone (staring at his friend group intensely) is throwing at him because he's not ready to face his feelings yet and wants more time. shooting for s4 is coming up soon and i would like to think he really wants to figure out how he feels by then before he's forced back into the bubble and sets back all the struggle he has been going through for the past few months. i think it is important for L to also be in this relationship with A (just gagged irl) because it able to help him figure out his feelings. i am sure L cares for A to an extent because why would he be putting up with her bullshit for this long (guilt?) and is using this relationship as a rebound from J and N.

also i saw some people mention that L's family follows her on SM and interacts with her and i honestly wouldn't think much of it lol. L seems very close to his family so i wouldn't be surprised if he told them that he had a (biding) relationship with A and his family went to follow and interact with her esp since she was seen with his sister. i know people who do not hesitate to introduce their partners to their family and friends like one week into dating so like it doesn't strike odd to me that they're just supporting them lol. and if you think about it: they were the ones who was able to see the full effect of L and J's break up, why wouldn't they want to support him possibly moving on?

anyways sorry for the super long message. i have been keeping a lot of my thoughts in since i am trying not to just publicly theorize anything and i needed to just let it out somewhere! also sorry if these theories?? were already discussed i'm still fairly new to this and only hopped on because genuinely thought LN were another tomdaya situation and wanted to support their show. riddle me surprised when i found out everythingg

lol i really enjoy your blog and you're really funny! thank you this great little bubble :') i feel very seen to know that there's other people as delulu and invested as me lolol can't wait for the endgame content to start rollin out

💜🥃

Thank you for sharing anon!

[elliespuns]

What I love about Ellie's 'queerness' in TLOU 1 is how subtly it was portrayed in the story. That's one of the reasons why I used quotes for the word queerness right there.

What I think is that up until Ellie was like 16 or 17 years old, she wasn't even aware that she was full-on gay, at least not till she started crushing on Dina and then later dating Cat. Which only takes me back to my point about how perfectly and subtly it was added to the story of the first game.

None of us had the slightest idea when we played The Last of Us in 2013 that Ellie might be gay. Let's be honest. Ellie's only mention of her best friend at the end of the game was nothing to take from. No one could know. At least not before Left Behind came out (and even then, it wasn't just thrown into our faces).

I love that the creators weren't pushing her sexuality onto us. Ellie being attracted to her girl best friend just somehow existed in her world, and no one needed to know. We never heard her say anything about it. We never saw her fighting her feelings either, because the way she felt was always somehow natural for her.

I don't even think 14-year-old Ellie, who saw the world through a 10-year-old's eyes, ever wasted her time thinking about it as deeply either. Riley has always been the closest thing Ellie had to love, comfort, support, and being there for her. When she started having mixed feelings towards her, she just went with it without even questioning it. You would expect a 13–14-year-old to have doubts or questions about it. Ellie was just content with it.

I honestly think (and this might be an unpopular opinion; don't get triggered) that even if Riley was a guy and they'd still be this close, Ellie would still fall for her anyway, no matter her best friend's sex. Growing up at a military school and being surrounded by men who have been trying to 'train' you to fight so you could be useful to them later with no one to show you comfort just sorts of affects you. So recognizing love and affection in someone at this age, you wouldn't really care about their sex or what attracts you physically. It just happens for you.

In the 2nd game, there's no doubt Ellie already knows about herself that she's a mad, raging lesbian, lol, but yanno, more likely she didn't care that much when she was a kid, that's all I am saying.

I simply love how they made Ellie's character realistic and so believable in how they portrayed it. It only made me love Ellie even more.

[photo: vipo777]

[capitalwildcat]

Now, I am just saying words recreationally, but the last 2 episodes of The Magnus Protocol really have me in a specific mindset about the series and the friends I discuss with IRL are not caught up, so I'm just throwing my thoughts onto the wall here instead. I'll start at the most recent episode (24) and work my way through all my raving after. Obvious spoiler warning for under the cut. (For both TMA and TMP)

This is a long post.

Episode 24 - Monster Babies & Endings:

Celia's involvement in the support group seems to have a lot of people asking questions. Is her baby also a little changeling monster? It's unclear, but I had initially assumed (and still feel) that the support group was simply a support group for single mothers. As our unfortunate statement-giver points out, none of the other mothers seem to need bandages. There's clearly something wrong, but there's no reason to assume Celia knows what it is.

On the other hand, I'm inclined to agree with the folks who assume Gwen has started to formulate a sort of plan regarding the Externals and that she is putting up a huge front with Lena. As much as she doesn't seem to want to deal with the externals, she admits to Lena that she'd rather have the small amount of protection that Knowing might give her - even if it's not going to protect her That Much. I don't think she really wants the role, but she's not going to let herself be caught unaware. Alice, meanwhile, might be against Sam's plans to kick the Magnus- Archives-Brand-Hornet's-Nest, but it seems like she's either unaware of Gwen's new, somewhat dangerous plan, or else she thinks Gwen is more capable of handling herself (or that Gwen's avenue of research could protect them all, while Sams' might only doom them).

I especially appreciated the scene in this episode of Celia playing mediator between Sam & Alice. To me, Celia is the bridge between new audiences and old audiences. She appears to be from TMA's universe (more on that later), but she wasn't a "Main Character". She's also clearly not normal to TMP-only listeners, but she's been more understanding with Alice than Sam has, and she seems to be happy to pretend things are normal - despite her obvious and suspicious willingness to believe everything that she's told about the supernatural being real.

It's too soon to say whether she's "trustworthy" or not, but I feel like she's about as trustworthy as anyone else.

Jumping to the end of the episode- I think it's an interesting choice for Basira to call in "Mrs. Banks".

Deliberate reference or not (I obviously choose to believe it's deliberate), Oliver Banks was an avatar of the End. Even if they never expand on who Mrs Banks is, or confirm whether she's connected to the larger plot... that's not the point.

As an audience, we have reached an end point. There might be something in this graveyard for us to dig up, but we have to stop asking the Corpses where it is and start asking the Gravekeepers. (Ie- engage with the premise and setting where it is at, and do not expect a miraculous appearance from someone else we already know to give us All The Clues.)

I'm sure we will learn a lot from Sam & Celia's investigations, but the writing is nowhere near sloppy enough to put all the weight on their piece of the story.

I also got the feeling that this statement, in a way, reflects a bit of the fear that comes with creating a sequel - do you cannibalize the progenitor to satisfy the spawn? Whatever anxiety the writers had about creating something "new" and "perfect" has definitely manifested itself alongside the transmogrification & birth metaphors of the last 2 episodes. At least to me. It could be projection! It could be nothing! But I don't doubt that there's been a lot of pressure to follow up TMA with something really outstanding and I'm sure some of that has found its way into the work. (Writing is a self-portrait sometimes).

Expanding that thought - Perfection, Creation, and Alchemy:

It certainly feels a lot like episode 23 and episode 24 are a matched set.

There are plenty of themes of obsession and individual stories/statements about trying to attain a sort of personal perfection or divine creation or level of acclaim that ends up corrupting or destroying the participant/creator. (Everything with Ink5oul, for a start. Honestly, Gwen's ambitions to move up in the company, too.)

There is, frankly, no way the theme has been so prevalent by accident.

Alchemical symbols may have been convenient shorthand for the ARG, but I don't believe for a second that's all there was to it. Episode 19 gives us one example of this - the letter to Robert Boyle regarding Arbor Philosophorum Perfecta - aka. The Philosopher's tree. Obviously we can look at the episode as explaining the invocation of "The Protocol" (scorched earth), but more than that - it's a reminder that alchemy is concerned with study and refinement.

Refining elements to their purest forms, creating precious metals from base ingredients. Possibly creating 'externals' could be a type of alchemy, though I have less coherent thoughts on that. Given that we know Alchemy is not only present, but seems to have worked before the events that might tie together Protocol's universe with Archives'... we're not going to get far without considering The Homunculus. The idea of constructed or cobbled-together life-forms has been a recurring theme (from Episode One, Even) and I suspect we're going to get even more of that as we go on.

Fears, Externals, and Coincidence:

Not to reinvent Smirke's 14 here or try to impose a framework on a series that doesn't necessarily follow or need it, but I have a working theory that the multiple ocean-themed cases could be related. I've been referring to this thing in my head as "The Deep".

Mainly my suspicions are based on the story of the ship tattoo and the profound effect the ocean has on 'Gordon J' in in Episode 11 , the woman drowning on land in Episode 15, and possibly the coral in episode 23. Also potentially related, from episode 22: "I dreamed of an ocean, deep and unforgiving, with an unplumbed heart full of dark secrets waiting to be uncovered, whilst overhead flew radio signals, invisible and unknowable, not even rippling the surface".

These things don't necessarily connect at all, but the ocean motif does have me spinning my wheels.

Then there is the matter of [ERROR]. This isn't as well-thought-out of a category, but I did notice that when Gwen is compelled to speak in episode 21, her story involves finding a dead fox. Gee wouldn't that be odd, if someone had specifically mentioned a dead fox before? Oh, wait-

Episode 10, when Sam & Alice are exploring the institute (when the inadvertently release [Error], when discussing the smell of the place. "It's Manchester, so yeah, probably. Whether they’ll serve us when we smell like a dead fox is another matter…"

I just thought that was an interesting connection. Did Sam recognize the smell? Did he pick up on something? Was Gwen's story her story, or is it something that came from [ERROR] directly?

Character Sets: Gwen & Alice:

We've had a divide going for a while now, but this episode really managed to split our team into neat sections.

To me, Gwen and Alice are the "you don't have to listen to TMA" section of the podcast. Obviously the show would not work without them. (Also, I love them). They are experiencing these things for the first time.

Mr. Bonzo is a perfect representation of their part of the story. A familiar character from TV turns out to be a facade for a violent creature in ill fitting skin. Something, something, the loss of innocence. Something, something, the horror of realizing what you assumed was Safe is most assuredly Not. Something, something, Gwen's eagerness to take on this role and her immediate regret at finding the job entails bloody murder. The works.

I'm extremely excited to see what Alice and Gwen plan to do, now that they've agreed that the Externals are a danger. It seems like Gwen asking for another opportunity to be the externals liason (and taking a modicum of protection over complete ignorance) is a step towards really figuring out why the OIAR is working with these things, how they started... all things that are completely divorced from what returning TMA audiences could really know.

Character Sets: Celia & Sam

Celia and Sam are the characters whose story will likely appeal more readily to people who have listened to all of TMA.

First of All: Celia is almost definitely from TMA's universe.

She recognizes Chester's Voice

She appears to have knowledge of Smirke's 14, which makes sense given her time in the apocalypse

She would have met Helen, and while I believe she was taken before Basira's arrival, Melanie seemed to get on well with Basira, so it makes sense she would have told the others about her.

It explains why Celia knows, without real confirmation or in-universe backup, the names Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood.

It may also explain why she knows this universe's version of Georgie. If I were pulled out of my own personal hell, I would also seek out my heroes' counterparts in an alternate dimension (Not sure if she's tried to contact Melanie and failed, or if we're just not there yet)

While she would not have known Gertrude or Gerry, she and Sam didn't seek them out on her prompting - they looked for Gerry based on records from the institute that "John" mailed to Sam.

"Complicated immigration status"

Now, Celia, to me, is a perfect bridge character. First of all, because she has just enough information about the universe of the previous series to keep people who are familiar with it from getting too antsy. She also wasn't a main cast-member, which means that she doesn't have so much information that Protocol-only audiences can't possibly understand her, nor was she so important that Archive-listeners know everything about her.

She also has her own unique plot going on that we can't really infer from just listening to TMA. It's going to have to be handled in universe.

Her exhaustion could be related to a monster baby, sure, if that's really what is happening with the support group. However, it seems like she's been waking up in areas that she doesn't remember traveling to, more than anything.

This is exciting, because it opens up a lot of possibilities.

Sleepwalking

Involuntary Teleportation

Possibly (and this is my favorite so far) sharing a body with the Protocol version of Celia. This could be related to the statement in episode 22 that shows us multiple souls in 1 body could be possible.

Then we come to Samama Khalid. My dear Sam.

His complicated relationship with Alice is reason enough for him to react badly to her perceived interference - he already knows she's a bit jealous, and she's always very contrary, and she fiddled with his computer behind his back. As far as Sam is concerned, Alice is meddling because she doesn't think he can handle things himself. Celia's mediating between them is welcome and appreciated, and it cuts through their arguing very neatly to keep the story progressing. Now is not the time for Sam & Alice's relationship drama to derail our investigations.

I also know a lot of folks were put off by Sam's reaction to Gwen re: Mr. Bonzo, but let's be completely honest: If someone got really dramatic about monsters and then told you that like... Count Von Count from the muppets was the monster they meant, you'd laugh too. Not to mention that Sam is used to Alice messing with him. He dismisses her, but it's a completely sensible and human reaction.

And yes, his obsession with the institute is definitely blinding him to some of the other goings-on at the O.I.A.R., but he doesn't need to fill that role. He has a vested interest in a very different piece of the puzzle than Gwen and Alice. Sam is also the only person so far that we know for certain has been contacted by both "John", and the Response Department (that isn't supposed to exist).

Honestly I'm more excited at the moment to learn about the response department than I am to learn about what might be going on with the institute, but I will not lie to you - I anticipate hearing news eventually about Jmart and co. I just don't expect it to be good news.

Series Notes - Connected Universes (Welling Mutare Materia Research Program):

Speaking of Jmart. Let's hop to episode 17.

This case is the first real confirmation of dimension hopping in Protocol. Our ex-con was going to court-mandated anger management therapy. Shockingly, at the same place where we had (what most people assume) our Alternate Universe John and Martin in the waiting room.

He goes into the Dr's office. He meditates. Then he is gone. When he comes-to, the office is dark and he is exhausted, emaciated, dehydrated, in pain, and his legs aren't working well... I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure this is when he is transported not just through time, but also realities.

He even makes a point to mention seeking out people he knew in his life prior, but they don't seem to know him or recognize him.

[Celia actually responds to this case with a "Thanks, but it's not exactly the same, is it" (I might be biased but I count that as a win for 'Celia is from TMA' bingo).]

There is a similar discovery of a body in episode 18, though the woman is deceased when she is found, and gives her "statement" posthumously ("I wander lonely. I wander lonely. I will die in this place. And no-one will miss me.") I interpreted this to mean that she was present in a domain of the lonely in the TMA universe during the apocalypse and appeared in this universe before succumbing to her exhaustion, starvation, etc.

Anyway. The statement is only part of what is interesting here. In the report itself, the subject is ranked for viability as subject, agent, and catalyst. These categories appear in other places too - like episode 9, about the dice that change fortune.

The part that gets me, of course, is the Welling Mutare Materia Research Program. The Dr Welling in question is mentioned in episode 21, which I will get to now.

Series Notes - Connected Universes (The Dome):

Episode 21 gives a lot of information that I think is very crucial. First of all, we have the Millenium Dome as a site, and the concept of "Universal Transmutation".

1) Obviously whatever plans were in place, it is no accident that the institute was burnt down in December 1999 when the launch of this project was anticipated to be in 2000. (At Dr. Welling's suggestion, given the turn of the century's psychological impact)

2) The concept of Loci. Ie "in the process of developing into a locus without our intervention".

It is unclear whether a locus is more akin to Hilltop Road, or to The Panopticon, but I'm guessing whatever it is will be closer to the latter. The "hungry architecture" structure discussed in episode 8 may also be developing into a locus, along with the Oxford outreach center of the institute (Episode 17 & possibly 18's subjects appeared there)

3) Of course, the mention of incorporating the dome into a "grand ritual" is noteworthy, though it is unclear whether this was intended to call down an entity, or several entities, or to transform existing parts of the world into something else.

4) The Millenium Dome was a real project in the UK, and the dome was originally conceived of as being split into 14 sections (some folks already pointed this out and how fun that knowledge is when you consider Smirke's 14. If nothing else, it is a fun coincidence.)

5)The doppelganger of a worker pulls his double into the earth. I want to bold this, underline it, and highlight it. This is another confirmation of "selves from alternate realities", and at minimum is a 2rd example of someone's double appearing from another world.

Series Notes: Tie-ins & Foreshadowing

Finally, I'm going to wrap up this rambling string of thoughts with this: I refuse to believe that the Very First Statement in protocol isn't relevant.

"I just couldn’t face the thought of the rest of my life never hearing him again, I had to try"

(Did hearing that in Martin's Voice hurt my heart? Very much so)

But beyond that, this piece stuck out to me.

"Arthur? Is that you?

And that voice I have loved for twenty years answered:

Some of him".

First of all, the statement feeds into later themes of obsession and blah blah blah. But it also, crucially, encapsulates the idea that even the things we love and recognize- the things we'd do anything to see again- are likely going to be so irrevocably changed in this story that we might regret wishing for it. I take this as a warning to the audience. Listen at your own risk.

It also could give us a hint into the existence of [ERROR], with it's many eyes and its tape recorders. There was some speculation that it might be a monstrous version of John, or Elias, or even Sasha. But I think that, most likely, it's not any single one of those things.

If some part of John (or any of our characters) is in there, I wouldn't be surprised, but that's just it- some part. "Some of him". Back to my homunculus rambling from earlier (and my obvious graveyard simile) this could be an in-universe example of someone digging up the past (literally) and trying to bring it into this world.

ANYWAY

That's it for now I just really, really, really had to get this all out of my system. Thanks.

[haydenigmatic]

After hearing (or reading) the Draconian family spoiler my curiosity has sparked once again.

First the news of Drystan legitimacy has me wondering if this little secret were to come into light will our MC be able to save him from execution at least? (Children shouldn't have to be punished for their parents' wrongs)

Second I read that Drystan will suffer a certain incident will said incident be the result of our MC'S actions (in like a tournament or something and whether we intended to or not)

Third if Drystan legitimacy were come to light and our father Bhaltair were to question our MC'S legitimacy what traits would we need to prove we are his full blood?

Fourth who would most likely declare us as primary heir to the Throne? (Logically it would be Bhaltair, but I feel like grandmother Zhera would be the one to declare us as the Dragon Emperor/Empress)

Fifth when our MC has children what would the R.Os hope to have first a boy or a girl?

Sixth regarding the Children's heterochromia I know they will inherit one of the R.O's eyes and one of ours but will we choose which eye and what color or will it be if we choose their left and they inherit our left eye and vice versa?

Seventh for those who will be using one handed or short swords if we were to hold the scabbard in our not dominant hand and the sword in our dominant hand would it be possible for us to dual wielding with them both?

Eighth will people comment on our MC if they have a heterochromia of Red and Violet eyes and Silver White hair?

Ninth how would our MC'S family react when we tell them we wish to have multiple spouses (those who want to do the Harem route)

And finally a friend of mine is going to be doing an event of sorts on the forum as a celebration for the upcoming update of Blood of the dragon and he would like to know if you'd like to participate?

SPOILERS

1 - Oh my dear, hypothetically, if this were to actually happen, there's nothing MC could do, even if they were able to convince their father, it's the law and it's sure the entire realm would know about it, so they cannot be seen as being weak.

2 - No, MC will have nothing to do with it, but I can say, it will happen in a tournament.

3 - All of Bhaltair's line will have a peculiar birthmark (a port-wine stain)

4 - I'm afraid this one will be way too revealing, so it's going to be a surprise 😄👀

5 - For most of them it's a boy, mostly because they think it's going to be easier for them when they ascend the throne (in a harem route), but they are fine with either.

6 - Regarding that, I have thought in letting up to you, as in you guys describing them and that way choosing their appearance.

7 - Well, I suppose so, yeah.

8 - Oh yes, they definitely will.

9 - They would all have their doubts or concerns, might even try to sway MC out of the idea if they think is too risky, but they would support MC on their final choice.

10 - Annnd of course I would love to participate, I'll be thrilled to, really.

[onceuponastory]

letting you down - rockstar!bucky x reader

Don't you get sick of only hearing your own voice? Talk like you're so damn tough, but you're just a little boy You like to think you've broke the mould, but now I'm sure, You'll crack just like the rest when I break your fucking jaw! - the best thing (that never happened) by we are the in crowd

Edit: Although the girl I used in the original moodboard was meant to be Natasha, I want my fics to be inclusive for all, so have updated the moodboard to reflect this. Plot: Tour romances mean nothing serious...right?

Or, fresh out of a breakup and deciding to focus on her music, Y/N jumps at the chance to go on tour with one of her favourite bands to take her mind off of things. Especially romance. Unfortunately for her, their drummer just can't keep his eyes off of her. Pairing: Rockstar!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Emotional abuse and manipulation (not from Bucky), reader’s ex being a dick, self doubt, a tiny mention of violence and anxiety. As always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: Another rockstar Bucky fic, because I do love him so. Also, this was inspired by song above, so I recommend you listen to it (also because it’s a great song). Again, thanks to @staticscreenwriting / @astartothemoon for my dividers. Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

Taking a seat on the cold wooden chair in her agent’s office, Y/N anxiously nibbles on the skin of her lip, almost tearing it off with how nervous she is. Only an hour ago, she was told to come to the office urgently because her agent had news for her, too important to share over the phone. The whole time, she’s been wracking her brain to figure out what she could want to tell her. And each time, her mind has come up with the worst potential outcomes. And after just being dumped, that’s the last thing she needs right now. “So, we have some news.” Helen, her agent, announces, peering at her over the frame of her glasses. Y/N gulps. It’s the sort of look a mother gives her child when they’re caught sneaking cookies out of the jar, or when she knows that they’re the one who broke her vase. Either way, it’s not a good sign. She’s definitely about to be dropped. Maybe Dylan's right. Maybe she’s not cut out for this. Her stomach churns, and she warily eyes the exit, just in case.

“Good news, I hope…?” She chuckles awkwardly, starting to hope the ground will swallow her whole.

“It depends on whether you have any plans in September.” Frowning, Y/N raises a brow. However, before she can even ask why, Helen continues. “Because The End of The Line wants you to open for them on their US Tour that month.” She states casually. Y/N’s mouth drops open.

“WHAT?!” she squeals. “Are you serious?!” The End of The Line is a band she knows very well. Okay, she knows their music. Yet, considering how they’ve got multiple number ones and album nominations under their belts, practically everyone knows who they are. They’re one of the most successful bands going in the scene right now. But she had no idea they knew who she was. What feels like only a few months ago, Y/N was posting her own original songs on her YouTube and performing in her local bar…and now, she’s going on tour with one of her favourite bands. Not even that. Imagine the exposure this could bring. All the new fans and support. She doesn’t even realise how much her heart is beating or how close she is to hyperventilating until Helen passes over a glass of water.

“Don’t be so modest.” She tuts. “The first single you released has been in the Top 10 for weeks, and your album is selling incredibly well. You’re in high demand, and people know it.” Y/N gulps down the water almost in one go, still shaking. “Are you okay? I don’t want you passing out on my floor.”

“No, no. I’m okay! I’m good.” Y/N lies. Helen raises a brow.

“Okay, well I need to confirm your attendance with their team so they can schedule a meeting with them and the band to go over venues. And then there’s merchandising, transport arrangements….” Helen’s voice fades into static as Y/N grapples with the situation. She’s going on tour with one of her favourite bands. They know who she is, and they like her. She pinches her skin a few times, wondering if she’s still dreaming. That she’ll open her eyes and she’ll be a nobody again, her perfect Cinderella story over. 

However, the repeated pinching doesn’t work, meaning that this is real. That revelation somehow both makes her relieved and absolutely terrified. Sure, she’s going on her first tour…but that means there’s more people to disappoint. The band, for a start. But then again, going on tour means meeting one of her favourite bands ever. Not to mention that by getting herself out there, more and more people can discover her music, and she can hopefully do what she loves for a living, rather than waiting tables for the rest of her life. Which means potentially more tours and new albums. And she won’t have to spend as much time in her practically empty apartment now that Dylan’s left. “So? What should I say?” Helen asks, peering over the rim of her glasses again.

Taking a breath, Y/N answers: “Tell them I’d love to tour with them.”

A few weeks later, Y/N and Helen enter the building where she’s about to meet The End of the Line and their agent. Glancing around the vast building, Y/N’s heart rate picks up. A year ago, she could only dream of going to a place like this for a visit, let alone to meet one of the biggest bands in the scene to plan a tour with them. As they enter the elevator, Y/N fiddles with the waistband of her trousers, suddenly feeling more and more constricted. 

“Maybe this was the wrong outfit choice. Maybe I should’ve been more casual?” She wonders. “Actually, maybe I should just go. I definitely do not fit in here. Sure, I’ll be getting out of the house, but is it really worth all this?” Y/N bounces anxiously on her heels, waiting for the elevator to reach the floor they need so she can make a break for it. 

“Y/N, please calm down before you stress me out. That’s the last thing either of us needs.” Helen sighs.

“Sorry. I’m just nervous.” Yet she can tell Helen’s words are not malicious. Helen really does care for her. She just has a funny way of showing it sometimes.

“I know. Trust me, though, they don’t bite. And I made Tony promise that he’d play nice, too.” She chuckles. Y/N doesn’t laugh. The elevator dings, and Helen announces that they’ve made it. Y/N’s heart drops. Although she considered running, she now can’t move. “Come on.” Helen orders, beckoning her to follow. Y/N does as she asks, as if on autopilot.

“That woman must have magic powers.” She thinks to herself.

When they reach the meeting room, to Y/N’s surprise, Helen simply walks in without knocking, giving her no time to prepare. 

“Well, look who finally arrived! It’s wonderful to see you again, Helen.” A man grins, shaking Helen’s hand. He’s dressed in a crisp black suit, one that Y/N recognises absolutely costs more than her rent for a year. Presumably that’s Tony. Y/N steps forward, ready to introduce herself. Until-

“Hey! You must be Y/N!” Before she can even react, Natasha Romanoff is standing in front of her. Y/N gulps. 

“Yeah, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you!” She holds out a hand for her to shake, but Natasha pulls her into a hug instead. 

“There’s one thing you gotta know about Nat. She’s a hugger.” She recognises Steve’s voice, but suddenly realising Natasha Romanoff is a real person to then being hugged by her in such a short space of time is a lot for Y/N to cope with.

“You’re gorgeous! I can’t wait to go on tour with you!” Nat squeals, and Y/N mutters something in reply, still in shock. 

“Nat, let the poor girl breathe and let the rest of us say hi!” a voice speaks, and Y/N is soon released from Nat’s grasp. Then, she meets the rest of the band, starting with Steve and Sam. “And over there is…” 

But the man on the couch needs no introduction. Bucky Barnes leans against the back of the couch, twirling a drumstick between his tattooed fingers. In fact, tattoos cover both of his arms and most of his hands, little of his actual skin showing. He cocks his head, looking over her body with a smile. This man just oozes confidence…and he’s fucking gorgeous.

“Bucky.” She whispers, although not quietly enough, as Bucky laughs.

“Yup, that’s me.” Y/N blushes. Bucky gets up and shakes her hand. Her fingers brush over the calluses dotted around his fingers, and a shiver reverberates through her body. “Nice to meet you.” He smiles, and Y/N gulps. Fuck, this man is attractive, and he knows it. And he probably knows that she knows it too, given how he’s looking at her. Nothing can come of this, though. She’s here to do a job and for her music, not to fall in love. Especially after everything that’s happened in her love life, and especially not with a band guy like Bucky Barnes. 

“Come on, let’s start planning.” Tony orders. As the group takes their seats, Bucky sits right across from her, still smiling. Still staring at her. Y/N’s breath hitches in her throat.

She can already tell…he’s got trouble written all over him.

The next few months of interviews, photoshoots and practice sessions whizz by in a blur. In seemingly no time at all, it’s time for Y/N to go on tour. She looks up at the tour buses, her stomach churning with both excitement and her nerves. 

Is it too early to go home?

“Hey! You made it!” a voice calls. And there go her escape plans.

“Hey Eddie. Do you know where I’m supposed to be staying? Am I with you guys on your bus?" she asks. Eddie is one of the band’s merch guys, and since meeting, the pair gelled right away, something which Y/N is immensely grateful for. Of course, she’s glad she and the band are getting on so well, but it’s nice to have a friend who isn’t in a band, someone she can just talk to about anything. In all honesty, Y/N’s still nervous around the band. They’re lovely, but she’s star-struck and hopelessly awkward whenever she’s with them, which isn’t a good thing when you’re trying to make friends. 

To her confusion, though, Eddie chuckles. “Sorry Y/N, but you’re not with us.” He gestures his head to the other bus. “The musicians are all in there.” Y/N gulps. This isn’t what she expected. She feels like a fish out of water, even now. Like she doesn’t belong. She’s just an opener, a nobody.

“But-” 

“Yes, that means you too.” Eddie cuts her off. “And we’re full.” He continues before she can say anything more. “On you go.” When she doesn’t move, he gently nudges her forward, towards the door of the bus. “You better be fast and get a good bunk!” He calls after her as she nervously steps on board. 

As she makes her way to the bunk area, clutching her bag close to her chest, Y/N looks around the bus, her home for the next few weeks. Its kitchenette is even bigger than her kitchen at home. Actually, this whole bus is bigger than her apartment. Earlier this year, she could only dream of standing on a bus like this, yet alone living here. This is definitely going to take some getting used to. 

“Hey guys.” She smiles when she reaches the bunks. They all smile when they see her, each welcoming her to her new home, which makes her feel a little less nervous. “So, which bunk is mine?” 

“You’re up here, above me.” Bucky answers. Y/N’s eyes widen, and immediately, her nervousness is back. Bucky? She’s sleeping in close proximity to Bucky? The same drummer who’s been on her mind ever since she met him, despite her attempts to block him out? How can this possibly go wrong? “I hope that’s okay. If you’d rather have the bottom one, just say.” He reassures her. Despite her nerves, Bucky’s commitment to making sure she’s okay and comfortable makes her smile. 

“No, the top one is totally fine. Thanks Bucky.” She nods, trying to throw her bag onto the bed, but unable to reach.

“Let me help you with that.” Bucky chuckles. 

“Are you sure? I’m okay Bucky, it’s-” But the bag falls to the floor before she can finish her sentence. Bucky laughs again. Yet it’s not a mocking laugh. It’s a friendly laugh, actually. “Okay, maybe I do need help.” Bucky picks up her bag, lifting it over her head and onto the bunk with ease. As he does, she immediately notices his proximity to her. He’s so close that he’s almost trapping her between the bunks. So close she could reach out and run her finger along every single outline of each of Bucky’s tattoos, touch every freckle and birthmark dotting his skin. Y/N gasps. She never realised how muscular he was at first. “Thanks.” She smiles.

“You’re welcome.” He nods. For a moment, it’s as if it’s just them two on the bus, in their own little universe, each staring into the other’s eyes. But then, a little voice sounds in Y/N’s head.

“Don’t get with band dudes. They’re no good. And they’re the last thing you need, especially now.” And so, she pulls away. As she does, she registers Bucky’s smile faltering slightly. “So, what are the beds like? Are they comfy?” She asks, climbing up to her bunk, hoping to change the subject. 

“Yeah, they’re alright.” Bucky replies, his voice mumbled slightly. As she lays down, Bucky’s smile fading and his slight disappointment replays in her mind. His disappointment confuses her.

This is for her own good.

For both of their own good.

So why does she feel so bad about it?

Early the next morning, Y/N sits alone at the small table in the bus’ kitchenette, staring out at the window and watching the world go by. A steaming mug of coffee sits opposite her. Unsurprisingly, her nerves meant she didn’t sleep well the night before. Especially since tomorrow marks the first night of the tour, and her first time performing for people who aren’t the regulars at her local bar.

“Hey.” A familiar voice speaks, pulling her out of her thoughts as Bucky sits opposite her. Y/N rubs her eyes, mumbling a good morning. “You good? Wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up so early.” He remarks. She waits, a part of her expecting a cheeky or sarcastic comment to follow. However, there’s no malice in Bucky’s comment. In fact, it’s far from cruel. It’s from a place of concern, making sure she’s alright after having her world changed practically overnight. And Y/N appreciates it more than he’ll ever know.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Y/N murmurs, wiping at her eyes. “Just homesick, that’s all. I’m not used to being away from home on tour yet. I mostly just stick to playing local bars.” It’s not exactly a lie. Sure, it’s not the main reason she’s sitting here teary eyed at not even 8.30am, but it’s still part of it. Bucky’s brow furrows. A part of her expects him to judge her, or to laugh at her for being so inexperienced. Like she’s used to people doing. Well…like she’s used to Dylan doing. Or worse, he’ll start prying. Something she absolutely isn’t ready for. However, Bucky simply nods. 

“Yeah, I get that. It took us all a while to get used to it, too. But don’t worry, you’re doing great, and you’re definitely good enough to be on tour.” And for the first time that morning, Y/N finds herself smiling. 

“So, now we’ve established why I’m here so early in the morning, can I ask why you are?” 

“Well, I’ve always been a bit of an early bird, and when you share a bus with three other people, some of whom snore….” He trails off, and he and Y/N laugh. “I usually take this time to write some music, but it’s nice to have some new company for once.”

“Have you been working on anything special?” Bucky shrugs.

“Just some things here and there. Maybe we could plan a writing session.” 

“Just us?” Y/N regrets the question almost immediately. Because who does that? Who asks a cute guy who talks about hanging out with you if his friends will tag along too?

“If you want.” Bucky smiles, and something in Y/N’s stomach flutters. “Okay, I’m gonna get some breakfast.” Bucky announces, getting up. “Do you want some?”

“Sure, what have you got?”

“We have…cereal or cereal.” He offers, holding up two boxes. Y/N laughs.

“Wow, what varied choices. I think I’ll have cereal, please.” Y/N points out the box she wants, and Bucky nods.

“A wise choice.” Y/N giggles again, and he grins. He passes over a bowl and sits back down. The pair chat as they eat their breakfast, laughing at each other’s jokes. Y/N can feel her heart beating like crazy. She never imagined she would be here, doing simple things like eating breakfast with a rockstar, or that they’d get along so well. Especially so soon after having her heart broken. It’s an unfamiliar experience…but it’s a nice, comfortable one all the same. 

As the morning goes on, the rest of the band slowly make their way towards them, and the bus fills with laughter and chatter. Bucky drums a rhythm on the table, and once again Y/N finds herself smiling as she watches him play, and as the others all sing along. Yet, despite how much fun she’s having at that moment, all she can think about is when this tour will be over, and how, when it ends, she’s going to be heartbroken and alone all over again. And she can’t handle that pain. Not again.

She has to limit the risk of heartbreak, wherever possible. 

The next night, Y/N paces around the green room, nervously murmuring to herself. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. Oh god, they’re gonna hate me.” She wrings her hands together. “Is it too late to go home?”

“Hey, it’s alright Y/N. Calm down. Take deep breaths.” Sam encourages. 

“Yeah, you’ll be fine! You’ve practised more than enough for this. We were nervous our first time too.” Natasha continues, and the others nod. Yet, Y/N shakes her head.

“No. I won’t. It’s a huge crowd, and I’m not good enough.” A figure stands in front of her, gently taking her arms.

“Y/N.” Bucky. “I promise you, you are good enough for this. After all, that’s why we brought you on tour with us, right, guys?” A chorus of agreement fills the room, alleviating her worry slightly. 

“What if they hate me, though?”

“Nobody’s going to hate you. Did you see the reaction we got when we announced you? Everyone is so excited, and you’re going to go out there and kill it, just like you did in rehearsal.” Seeing that she’s still nervous, Bucky leans in slightly closer. “When you’re out there, imagine you’re performing just for us, like before. Think you can do that?” He asks.

“I guess….” She murmurs, and Bucky smiles. 

“Good girl. Want us to walk down to the stage with you?” He asks, and she nods. When the time comes, the band does exactly that, reassuring her the whole way there. As she waits for the song before she goes out to finish, Y/N takes deep breaths. She registers someone squeezing her hand, and Bucky whispers in her ear. “Don’t worry. Just like you practised. We’ll be right here, watching.” Y/N nods.

And then, it’s time, and Y/N steps onto the stage. Immediately, she launches into her first song. To her surprise, most of the crowd seems to know it, and she can see the people in the first few rows singing along and dancing. Even those who don’t know her look like they’re having a good time. And the same things happen with the second song. And the next song. The crowd seems to love her. 

After a few songs, Y/N takes a minute to have a drink.

“Hey guys! I’m Y/N.” The crowd cheers, and she can’t help but smile. “Some of you may know this, but this is my first actual show on an actual tour, and what a fucking amazing crowd and band to start my tour life with!” More cheers. “So thank you all, but especially thank you to The End of the Line!” She glances to the side of the stage, catching the eyes of the band. All four grin, giving her a thumbs up. Y/N smiles proudly. “This next song is called Crimson. Sing along if you know it.”

Y/N’s set goes by both quicker and better than she expected. As she gets closer to the end of her set, the band leaves to finish getting ready for their own set. However, Y/N doesn’t mind. She already feels more confident than she did at the beginning. As she finishes up her last song, she calls out: “Thank you all so fucking much! I’m gonna be hanging out at the merch table over there for a bit if you wanna come say hi or tell me I was shit. Fuck it, you guys bought the tickets.” She giggles. “Goodnight!”

When she makes it to the merch stand, Eddie hands her a beer, which she almost downs. “Damn girl.” Eddie praises. “That was fucking awesome!”

“You think?”

“Uh, yeah! The crowd loved you. We’ve sold a bunch of your merch already.” She gasps.

“You’re kidding.” He shakes his head, gesturing to something behind her. Y/N turns around to see some girls standing there, staring at her all wide eyed. “Oh sorry. Am I in your way for merch? Just tell me to move. It’s okay.”

“You were amazing! I love your music so much.” One of them grins, holding out her ticket and a sharpie. “Can you sign my ticket, please?” Y/N’s mouth drops open. She wasn’t actually expecting people to want to meet her.

“And mine!” The others chorus.

“T-Thanks!” Still slightly in shock, Y/N nods, signing each ticket and taking pictures with each of them. Soon, a few more fans come to see her, and still amazed, Y/N repeats the cycle. This is her first ever meet and greet, the first time people actually like her.

“Have a good night!” She calls as they go back towards the crowd. “Did that just happen, or am I fucking dreaming?!” she asks Eddie, who laughs.

“I told you. They love you.”

During The End Of The Line’s set, Y/N stands side stage watching them, smiling and singing along to every song as the crowd laps it up, screaming every word back to them. They’re such incredible performers. Maybe one day, that’ll be her, selling out venues across the country. She glances out on the stage, watching as the band plays. Natasha jumps around, her red hair swinging around wildly. Sam and Steve lean against each other as they play their guitars, smiling and joking with each other. And then, she sees Bucky, drumming furiously, his arms moving rapidly. He throws his hands up into the air, twirling his drumsticks between his fingers. Once the song ends, he runs his hand through his hair, strands sticking to his sweaty forehead. Breathlessly, he smiles, mouthing a thank you to the crowd. Y/N feels her breath hitching in her throat. He looks so gorgeous, a true rockstar. 

In an ideal world, one where she and her love life aren’t so broken, they’d probably be together. But there’s no way that can happen. She can see how the girls in the crowd look at him and the others. If he has the pick of any girl he wants, why would he ever go for her?

After all, she’s just an opener. Feeling her heart sinking, Y/N sighs sadly. With one last look at Bucky, she turns and walks back to the green room.

After their set, the band comes back to the green room. To her surprise, though, they’re not talking about their set…they’re talking about hers. “I knew it! You were perfect!” Natasha squeals. “We’re so proud of you!”

“And Eddie told us about your meet and greet. The fans love you.” Sam praises. Before Y/N can say anything, the band envelopes her in a group hug. The overwhelming love and support shown to her throughout the night suddenly reaches a head. Immediately, tears come to her eyes, and soon, Y/N begins crying.

“Oh god, sorry was it too much? We can be a lot, so if you’re uncomfortable, just tell us, sweetheart.”

“No! I’m just…not used to all this, to being shown so much support all at once.” She murmurs, and a chorus of “awww!” fills the room.

“Trust us.” Natasha smiles. “You deserve it.”

“Welcome to touring life Y/N! As a celebration, I say we go get food. My treat.” Steve grins.

“Wow, you’re paying? That’s new. You should savour this experience Y/N.” Sam teases, and the group dissolves into laughter. As she looks around at the band, her new friends who changed her life, Y/N smiles, already feeling her anxieties beginning to melt away slightly.

“Come on then. Let’s go.”

“That was so good. And it tasted even better since I didn’t pay.” Sam grins, and Y/N laughs. 

“Shove off. It’s your turn next time.” Steve replies. As Sam, Steve and Natasha walk on ahead, Bucky falls into step beside her. Right away, she can feel her heart rate beginning to increase.

“I’ve eaten so much, I’m surprised I’m still able to walk.” She murmurs, and Bucky laughs. 

“Yeah, I feel that. We go there every time we’re here, and every time I eat too much too. Join the club.” Y/N looks up, glancing at the stars. She used to wish on them every night, hoping someone would discover her, and that she might actually have a shot at making music, the thing she loves, her job. And now, here she is. Maybe dreams come true after all. “So.” Bucky begins, drawing her focus back to him. “Is there anywhere on this tour you’re most excited to go to?” 

“I don’t really know. In all honesty, this whole thing and getting to tour the country is still mind blowing to me. I’m happy to go anywhere.” Smiling, Bucky nods. 

“Yeah, I was the same when we first started out. You’ll still pinch yourself, even when you get as famous as us. And I have every faith you’ll get there.” Y/N gasps. It’s strange, how he’s so much more famous than her, and yet he still talks to her and treats her like he’s his equal. He really is one of the kindest people she knows. Her stomach twists in knots. And that’s going to make leaving him even more difficult. “I’m most excited to be back in New York, though. Even though I moved away, hometown shows are always the best.”

“You’re from New York too? Same!” Bucky smiles. Her eyes trace along Bucky’s jawline, illuminated by the streetlights. He looks so beautiful. She feels Bucky’s hand brushing against hers, and her heart rate increases.

If dreams do come true...she has an idea for a new one.

“Really? That’s awesome. You know, there’s a really great Italian restaurant I go to all the time whenever I’m there. Maybe we could go.” Y/N suppresses a laugh. She’d love that more than anything, but deep down, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. It’s just him trying to be nice. He’ll forget about her when all of this is over. They all will. And she can’t even blame them for it. Sighing, she nods.

“Yeah. That’d be nice.” 

As the tour continues, Y/N’s confidence continues to grow. Each night, she becomes more and more excited to go on stage. And in turn, she becomes more confident around the band, and spends more time with them, whether it’s writing songs together, shopping with Natasha, or hanging out with Sam and Steve. Basically, her touring life is perfect…aside from one little thorn in her side.

Bucky Barnes.

It’s not that Bucky has been horrible to her, not at all. In fact, he’s been the same kind and welcoming person he’s always been. That’s the problem. He’s so kind that it’s hard to not get close to him, or to want to spend time with him. Especially since she can already feel herself falling deeper in love with him with every passing day. Each time she has to pull away, Y/N feels terrible. 

“So.” Natasha smirks one day whilst they’re out shopping. “When are you gonna put that poor boy out of his misery?” When Y/N raises a brow, Natasha rolls her eyes. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I mean! Bucky is so clearly whipped for you, and you’re obviously into him. I can see it all over you.” She grins. Y/N gulps. Despite how happy she is to know that Bucky might feel the same way about her, this is the last thing she wanted to happen. 

“Nothing is going to happen Nat. And you don’t even know if that’s true.” She points out. Natasha says something in reply, but Y/N doesn’t hear it. All she can think about is how big of a problem this is, and how she’s going to have to break Bucky’s heart even more. Of course, the idea of just telling him the truth and admitting her feelings has crossed her mind a few times. Yet, despite how much she wants to do that, and to stop letting her fear and Dylan ruin her new chance at happiness…she’s too afraid to admit the truth, and to drag Bucky into her mess. Or to lose him, and be heartbroken all over again. And this time, it’ll hurt even more than it did with Dylan.

As soon as they get back, Y/N enters the bus, shutting the door behind them. She climbs into her bunk. Angrily throwing the pillow across her bunk, Y/N grabs her phone. Hopefully, scrolling through social media will make her feel better. And at first, it works as posts from her fans fill her feed. She likes and comments on a few, continuing to scroll. As Y/N reads their words, a smile grows on her face. She’s so lucky to have her fans and their support. But then, another post appears. One of her ex and her ex-best friend. Immediately, her heart sinks. They’re still together, smiling like nothing happened, acting like they haven’t left a trail of destruction in their wake and ruined her life. She’s sitting here, terrified of getting too close to Bucky and the others in case she gets hurt like that again. And the people who did it to her in the first place don't even care. They never did.

Angrily, Y/N grips her blanket, grabbing her songwriting notebook and opening it.

It’s about time she lets out her emotions.

“Is Y/N okay?” Sam asks the next morning, after they arrive in New York. “I didn’t see much of her last night, and she shut herself away as soon as we got to the venue.” Bucky furrows his brow, concern flooding his features. Y/N barely spoke to anyone, only a few words here and there. Natasha shrugs.

“She said she’s busy writing, and she doesn’t want to be disturbed. I guess we’ll find out when her new song comes out.” That makes Bucky even more concerned. He knows all about being in a deeply focused, creative headspace, and how you don’t want to speak to anyone until it’s done. But he also knows how bad it can be when you shut yourself away for so long, especially when she already looks so upset. He’ll have to check on her when he gets the chance.

Yet, the next time he sees Y/N is when she’s getting ready to go on and is in a rush. 

“Are you sure you’re alright? We were worried about you.” He asks, watching as she runs around the room, spraying hairspray and perfume everywhere. 

“Yeah, I’m good. Much better.” She insists, reapplying her lipstick in the mirror and giving herself one last check over. “Right, I gotta go. Talk soon, yeah?”

“But-” Bucky begins, cut off by Y/N placing her hand on his arm.

“Bucky, trust me. I’m okay. Bye!” And then she’s gone, leaving the scent of perfume in her wake. Despite his concern, Bucky chuckles. She sure is something. Tonight, she looks like an angel, glitter covering her lids and outfit. She looks beautiful. But she always does. This entire tour, he’s been trying to find the guts to tell her the truth about how he feels, with no luck. And the way she always turns him down or pulls away at the last second makes him think she doesn’t feel the same. Turning, Bucky follows her down towards the stage. 

Although, if she doesn’t feel the same way, he’d understand. When he gets to the side stage, Y/N is already on, in the middle of her first song. Bucky watches her as she works through her first few songs, smiling. The way she controls and interacts with the crowd is incredible, much better than he could ever do.

“Well, hello New York!” Y/N shouts into the mic, the ending of her sentence being drowned out by screams and cheers. “You guys are fucking awesome. Thank you so much!” Another round of cheering sounds, and Y/N grins, the lighting illuminating her teeth and the glitter she’s wearing. Bucky watches, smiling. “Are you guys excited for The End of The Line?” The crowd goes wild again, and Y/N laughs. “That was probably a stupid question.”

“I wanna try something new with you guys, if that’s okay.” She continues, and Bucky raises a brow. “But it means I have to tell you a story too…. Oh, I can see complete excitement on your faces, so I won’t talk too long then.” She jokes, laughing. And then, Bucky realises he’s laughing too. “So a few months ago, just before The End of The Line invited me on their tour, my boyfriend dumped me over text.” The crowd immediately starts booing, whilst Bucky raises an eyebrow. She never mentioned this. “I know! But unfortunately, it’s not just that, New York. He told me he was dumping me for one of my best friends. The same friend he was cheating on me with for the last few months of our relationship. Apparently, me playing shows was too much for him to handle, and I’d never be famous, so he had to think of his future with a girl who ‘knows what she’s doing, instead of just a bar singer’ like me.” The boos intensify, and Y/N nods, clutching a hand to her chest. “I know! At first, I let his words get to me. Look at me now, though!” The crowd cheers, and Y/N grins. “So, I put all my pain and anger into a song, and I’d like to perform it for the first time for you guys. Is that cool with you?!” The crowd goes wild, and Y/N grins, tuning her guitar. “Okay, okay! I hear you loud and clear. If you’ve ever had to deal with a shitty person in your life, I hope this song speaks to you as much as it does to me…and that you tell them to go fuck themselves.” She smirks, and Bucky laughs. “This song is called Letting You Down.” 

As the song plays, Y/N sings with more passion and fury than Bucky has ever seen. She controls the crowd masterfully, having them hanging onto every word she sings. For only just starting out, she really is a natural. Yet, her admission replays through his mind. Hearing how poorly she was treated infuriates him. Y/N’s such a talented and good-hearted person, and she doesn’t deserve that. Her ex obviously has no idea what he’s talking about. Although going through all that may explain why she’s been pulling away from him so much, and so nervous about being on tour. Y/N needs to know how talented and loved she is. And if she doesn’t, he’ll tell her every day.  

After Y/N’s set, Bucky waits in the green room for her. When she walks in and sees Bucky sitting there, her eyes widen. “Aren’t you meant to be on stage in like five minutes?” She frowns. Bucky shakes his head.

“That’s not important right now. I need to talk to you.” Her face falls.

“You heard, didn’t you?” He hates how small and ashamed her voice sounds, like he’d be mad at her for admitting the truth. Bucky nods, stepping closer.

“I did, listen Y/N, I-”

“Buck, come on, we have to go!” Steve calls, poking his head through the door. Bucky doesn’t even care. He just wants to be with Y/N. “Buck!” Steve repeats.

“You need to go!” Y/N insists.

“But-”

“Bucky. Go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She promises, gently pushing him towards the door.

Throughout the entirety of their set, all Bucky can do is think of Y/N, and the things he needs to say to her. Things he’s wanted to say to her from the beginning. The second their set is finished, Bucky runs backstage. Y/N sits in the green room, anxiously fiddling with her thumbs. 

“Y/N.” He smiles, breathless. She looks up at him, her face falling. Bucky’s heart sinks. He hates seeing her so upset. “Can I sit?” She nods. “Y/N, I-”

“Look Bucky.” She sighs, finally cutting him off. “You’re incredibly sweet and all, but I just can’t commit to a relationship right now.” She sighs. “You heard the story about my heartbreak, right?” He nods. “Well, I can’t put myself through that pain again. I can’t give my all to somebody and receive nothing in return, I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, he sounds like a dick. And I promise you, not everyone is like that.” 

“It’s not just that.” She murmurs, staring down at the ground. “I know you’re a good person, Bucky. Fuck, I see it in you every day. You’re one of the sweetest guys I know, and I don’t want to think you’d ever hurt me like that. That’s why I’ve been pulling away from you, so neither of us get hurt. Yet, I hurt us both. Honestly, I think I’ve been in love with you ever since we met, and I do want to be with you. But what happens when this tour is over? When the fairytale is over, and we go back to our normal lives, whatever they are now? Sure, we’re musicians, but we come from two totally different worlds. And I don’t fit into your world.” She sighs. Bucky raises a brow, shuffling closer towards her. “Maybe Dylan’s right. Maybe I am just a bar singer.” Bucky gets up from his seat, kneeling in front of her. He takes her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs along her knuckles.

“Y/N. You are one of the most beautiful and talented people I’ve ever met. We could only dream of being able to control and entertain a crowd like you can. Especially tonight!” He insists. “And besides, there’s nothing wrong with being a bar singer, especially when they’re as good as you. Your ex has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about.” As she gazes into Bucky’s eyes, Y/N feels tears building in her own. 

“I want to be with you more than anything. I just can’t. I can’t risk being hurt again.” She whispers. Bucky feels his heart breaking, but he knows he can’t force her to do anything. And so, he nods.

Suddenly, the door opens, and Natasha pops her head in. At first, Bucky expects her to say something about how they’re going out for dinner or something. Yet, as soon as she sees the serious look on Natasha’s face, Y/N frowns. “Nat? What’s going on?”

“Y/N, there’s someone here to see you. He insists he knows you, and even tried to bribe our door staff to let him into the venue. Says he won’t go until you hear him out.” Immediately, Bucky tenses from beside her, and Y/N’s stomach drops. 

“Did he leave a name?” But she knows who it is before Natasha even confirms it.

“It’s Dylan.” Her entire body goes stiff. It feels like someone dumped a whole bucket of ice cold water all over her, plunging her into a horrible nightmare. 

“Wait, Dylan as in ‘Letting You Down’ Dylan? Your ex who treated you like shit?” Bucky asks, and Y/N nods, still numb. “Where is he?”

“He’s in the dressing room. The guys just shoved him in there.” 

“Oh, fuck.” Y/N hisses, already beginning to feel herself hyperventilate. 

“Y/N, we can tell him to go.” Bucky offers. To his surprise, Y/N shakes her head.

“No. I need to do this. I need to tell him myself.” She gulps. Bucky can tell she’s absolutely terrified. “I might need some moral support, though.” She admits, her eyes glancing down at the floor. Bucky finds her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Of course.” He whispers.

When Y/N and the rest of the band enter the room, Dylan turns around. As soon as he sees Y/N, he grins. Immediately, Bucky hates him. His grin looks smug, and the way he looks at Y/N makes him feel sick. If he could, he’d punch that asshole right in his smug fucking face.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She gasps.

“Wow, I just didn’t realise you were serious about this whole thing!” Dylan muses, looking around the room. “When I saw you online and on TV, I knew I had to come see you…and talk about what happened. Tell you what, why don’t we go get some drinks or some dinner, and we can just…talk it out?” Dylan whispers, reaching out to stroke her arm. The same way he used to when he was trying to get back on her good side, hoping she’d ignore all the cruel things he’d say about her and her career. Reflexively, Y/N steps back, away from him.

“Oh, so you only care about her once she’s getting more attention?” Bucky demands, earning a sharp jab in the ribs from Natasha.

“Bucky.” she hisses.

“What? He doesn’t give a shit about her or her career at first, but when he sees how popular she is and how he’s probably being blasted all over social media for rightfully being called out, he suddenly cares?” Dylan scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“Buddy, this doesn’t concern you.” Y/N’s heart sinks. Bucky’s right. Dylan doesn’t care about her at all. He’s only here to save his ass.

“Actually, it concerns all of us, buddy. We’re her friends, and we actually give a shit about her, unlike you.” Bucky snaps back.

“Can we have some alone time now?” Dylan asks, his eyes narrowing as he looks at Bucky. For a moment, Y/N almost says yes, wanting to just get rid of him as soon as possible with no further trouble. That is, however, until she glances back, ready to tell the band to do as he asks. The entire band looks pissed off, but Bucky is seething. He stands with his arms folded as he glares at Dylan. They’re the ones who care about her and her career. Not Dylan. And then, Y/N realises what she has to do. 

“No. They stay.” She states. Dylan’s brows furrow. 

“But Y/N, sweetie-”

“Don’t call me that. You lost the right to call me that a long time ago. And you have no right to come here unannounced and start making demands, especially after what you did. I want them here, so they’re staying.” She folds her arms. “Now. What do you want?” When he sees he isn’t getting his way, Dylan splutters.

“I just don’t see why you had to make such a big deal out of it, that’s all! And besides, I was just thinking about calling you before I heard the song, anyway. It would be nice to talk again.”

“Oh, you were, were you? Well, you sure have impeccable timing, don’t you? And besides, I know that’s a lie because as far as I know, you were with your girlfriend last night. Have you told her you want to start talking to me again?” 

“Y/N, come on, don’t be like that. I’m trying to apologise. You always were so dramatic. It’s obvious I didn’t mean everything I said.”

“And yet ‘sorry’ isn’t the first word that came out of your mouth.” She hears sniggering in the background, which only spurs her on further. “And it’s not being dramatic. It’s called standing up for yourself and realising that you’ve treated me like shit for as long as I can remember, and I’m tired of it. If you think I’m coming back to you so you can do it again, you’re dumber than I thought you were. So, you can take your apology and shove it up your ass.” Dylan’s eyes widen, and he splutters again. In a way, it’s funny seeing the man who treated her like shit be unable to handle her sticking up for herself. “Now, go.”

“I’d advise you listen to her and fuck off before we call security. Trust us, you don’t want that.” Sam warns. Dylan tries to argue back, but when he sees he isn’t getting anywhere, he groans, beginning to leave.

“Bitch.” He murmurs as he walks by. Bucky, Sam and Steve follow him out, making sure he leaves while Natasha stays with Y/N. 

“That was incredible! You really gave that asshole what he deserved.” She grins. Y/N doesn’t feel incredible though. In fact, she feels like shit. After being on such a high from the concert and finally letting her emotions out in song, suddenly being confronted with Dylan and being reminded of just how little he cares about her is breaking her all over again. Her bottom lip trembles and her vision blurs. Shit.

“I’m sorry Nat, I-I have to go. I’ll be on the bus if you need me. I just. I need to be alone.” She stammers, her words coming out in a rush. She doesn’t even give Natasha time to reply before she hurriedly leaves the venue and climbs back onto the bus, crawling into her bunk and huddling into the corner. As soon as she knows it’s safe, her tears are unleashed, and she shakes as tears stream down her cheeks. She wraps her blanket around her, hoping it hides her from the world.

Y/N lays there for what feels like hours until the door to the bus opens again. “Who is it?” She calls, her voice croaky. 

“It’s just me.” Bucky replies. As soon as she hears his voice, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of Y/N’s shoulders, and she lets out a breath of relief. “I know you said you want to be alone, but we just want to make sure that you’re okay.” She turns around, looking into the pair of blue eyes she knows so well. The pair belonging to the man she loves. When he sees her tear-stained face, Bucky sighs. “Oh, Y/N.” She holds out her arms, and without another word, Bucky climbs in beside her, wrapping his tattooed arms around her still shaking form. 

He lets her cry into his chest for as long as she needs, rubbing her back and whispering comforting words into her ear. “It’s okay. He’s gone. We got rid of him.”

“I’m sorry.” She hiccups. Bucky looks down at her, frowning.

“Y/N, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Yet, she sniffles, nodding.

“I do. I care about you so much. You’re so kind to me, and I’d love to be with you. In all honesty, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. But I ruined everything between us because of him.”

“You haven’t ruined anything, sweetheart.” Bucky soothes. “You’ve been through a lot, and nobody would judge you for being wary about dating again.” He kisses her head, his stubble lightly grazing her skin. Y/N feels that same flutter in her stomach again, this time amplified. He finds her hand again, intertwining his calloused fingers with hers once more. He brings her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. “It’s going to be big and scary, but we can take things as slow as you want. All I want is for you to be happy and comfortable.” And as she looks back up at him, Y/N realises that he’s right. Maybe she shouldn’t be scared, and actually let herself be happy again, with someone like Bucky.

“Okay.” She nods. Bucky smiles, softly kissing her on the lips. 

“How about I take you out tomorrow? Properly.”

“Where do you wanna go?” Bucky smiles, chuckling slightly.

“Well, we’re in New York, aren’t we? Like I said…I know a restaurant.”

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