#we dont even have to compare childhood trauma

[echoesofadream]

okay one way i am autistic tho is the way i have super strong emotional empathy but really hard for cognitive empathy . And like when people make fun of empaths by all means but i know that when i feel other peoples feelings its not necessarily accurate because im projecting myself into their situation

[notedchampagne]

Thoughts and takes about vi and cait getting freaky in the prison cell

badly timed and poorly done much like the rest of pacing in arcane season 2. i dont give a pellet of shit that i saw animated lesbian music video sex 1) they started making out when cait revealed she "helped" (read: did bare minimum) vi help jinx escape. you know the sister that was in there an hour ago. the sister that just said she was going to kill herself that vi presumably did all this for. dont worry though fascist girlfriend that did zero apology for saying you have the same dirty blood and comparing you to animals comes first 2) i know one of the directors said that scene was "reclaiming her prison trauma" wow idk i feel like it would have meant something if we actually got to know how being imprisoned during most of vis childhood affected her and her belief system. instead everything about her personality and moral code is extremely wishy washy and centrist for the purpose of making her play whatever political part is needed to support the next guy. i. do not. care. about the lesbian sex if everything surrounding it was so absurdly bad i could not even laugh about it. brother i am getting flashbacks to the klance fandom

[chomping-sicknasty]

Heinz's heritage and relationship to his home culture has always interested me. coming from an immigrant family who was really poor and rural, when my family got to the us there was an effort to "americanize" ourselves. we still keep ties to our culture of course but most of us havent visited the homeland since leaving. and theres been a noticable effort to distance ourselves from our poor and struggling past. (Im sure some previously poor kids will understand or see this in their own relatives. Trying to overcompensate financially, being more materialistic/consumeristic, marrying into rich families/pressure from relatives to "marry rich") This has been going on for some 30 odd years

Heinz's homeland was a bit different from ours, but the fact is theres a lot of negative association with Childhoods and "Home". In most of his backstories there is some reference to cultural customs that he couldnt fit into, abuse/abandonment/neglect, having to fend for himself. Theres so much fear tied to Drusselstein, i would imagine. I can barely remember any scenes of the show where he shares something from Drusselstein in a positive light. And considering him living in the usa for most of his life now, im sure his style, personality, likes and dislikes, and the social norms he practices, has changed dramatically compared to when he was a kid.

His homeland is a touchy subject but not one he ever strays from mentioning. He mentions Drusselstein a LOT. And even goes back to visit (to see his abusive father no less, and give him the garden gnome they lost- both a cultural staple AND point of trauma for heinz) (and another time he goes is to retake the driving test which he is TERRIFIED of).

What i find most interesting is the fact Heinz confronts his past and the culture he grew up in pretty often. He's definitely aware to how its influenced him and hurt him. But when it comes to americanization...well lets look at Roger

Roger, who could easily pass for american-born. He has made considerable effort to rid himself of his previous accent and replace it for an american one. He has successfully imbeded himself into american society- widely accepted and loved, holding office for a considerable amount of years, always dressed professionally, wealthy. Roger has grasped american customs and fit into them incredibly well. But, unlike Heinz, he also keeps positive ties with the family. In all of Heinz backstories, it seems Roger did just fine in Drusselstein.

We also dont get to see much of Roger or get an idea of him outside of Heinz's lens. I have no doubt Roger americanized himself for the same reason many others do- to survive. But when it comes to the pair of them, i would say Roger has an easier time understanding social power and wanted to aquire that in america- much like how he had social power back in their homeland by being the family favorite and performing his social roles well in childhood.

Despite the fact that Heinz's experiences in Drusselstien were more traumatic and negative than Roger's, it seems Heinz is the one that still has the strongest tie to their homeland. It is a central part of his character and his behaviors. He has grown into american culture like most people who immigrated young, but to him, Drusselstein was like Yesterday. I would like to speculate more into if theres any part of Drusselsteinian culture he cherishes. But i cant really remember if there were any foods or traditions or events that left a positive impact on him.

Not really a solid conclusion here but overall. I really am interested by the messy and complicated relationship Heinz has with his status as an immigrant and his hometown. Its such a wound in the way only a childhood home can wound you.

[souvenir116]

Okay, we know that Charles and Max are weird about each other on their team radios, so I would imagine an outsider's point of view from Bryan.

When it's announced that he will be Charles's new race engineer, GP invites him to a mysterious meeting somewhere to warn him and prepare him for this. Because GP wants someone to complain to about the two of them who will understand (he tried with Xavi, but at that point, Xavi was so checked out after all the Lestappen trauma, he was on planet Carlos most of the time).

At first, Bryan doesn't take it seriously, but then it slowly sinks in. "What are Verstappen's onboards?" ”What is Max doing, are they on slicks or inters? Let's do the same.” "What is my pace compared to Max?" even though they are 4 positions apart. "Tell me when Red Bull pits." "Tell me when Max is in DRS." "Tell me Verstappen's time in quali." "Tell me the differences between me and Verstappen, where is he gaining?"

So GP and Bryan become friends over this, making fun of them and joking around. And eventually Bryan would figure out that Charles down bad, that it is not just weird homoerotic rivalry. Maybe by getting invited to their wedding or something. Or they could be already married, just making it public and stuff. Oh my, if i was not in middle of the longest fic I've ever written I would jump on this one, but I'm not good with multiple WIPs.

my god imagine how done GP is with their whole nonsense homoerotic acts around each other 🙄 my man suffered enough already... and Xavi being traumatized lol 😭 I'm afraid Charles running to Max with all his being, and forgetting to close his car only to be the first one who congratulates Max for his wdc was the peak he could endure 😔

And Bryan probably wouldn't take it too serious because why would they be crazy about each other? It makes no sense. Until Charles asks what's Max's position when they are literally off points with 10 laps remaining and they just fight for it as if for a win... one of them taking the fastest lap and then the other doing the same. then again. they are really competitive but they are literally p15 and p16 <3

also they only rate each other, therefore it makes complete sense when Charles wants to do the same strategy as Max or challenge his pace while ignoring everyone else... it's only their little karting track, just the two of them, think of it like a romantic date but in their terms where they try to push each other because the win is even sweeter when it's against your childhood rival <3

being invited to their wedding would be shocking for both of their race engineers, imagine their faces <3

I hope you'll have the perfect and calm time to write this fic dear, dont pressure yourself and take your time ❤️❤️

[antiendovents]

// vent, medical ableism

tldr; my fucking DOCTOR is pro-endo and her source is a dumbass paper that proves nothing and now my healthcare is at risk!!

just had my appointment with my gender wellness doctor. she asked how i've been and i mentioned finding a 2nd therapist for specific stuff. she asked what and i said dissociative disorders. i wanted to be vague but she pressed me to talk about it and reluctantly i talked about having alters and answered her questions bc i struggle with saying no.

i told her i was ok with doing an adverse childhood experiences scale but that i had stuff i wanted to talk about (like my hrt not being at the pharmacy for months) she said "we'll get to it".

after the assessment she asked abt it causing distress and she was talking about how in the office they use the term "plural identities" i said that was fine but that its still a disorder. she was like "disorder is negative" and compared it to how it used to be called gender identity disorder (comparing the two as if she has any place to talk on it, being cis and a singlet) but its better to use "plural identities"

i was like "thats fine as long as its still seen as a disorder and caused by trauma" and she was like "no its not always caused by trauma" and i straight up said "do you have a source for that?" and she was like "google my husbands name" and i did and THEN she moved on to my actual issues with struggling to get hrt for months.

the whole time after i had to mask how i was feeling so i could get basic healthcare. after she hung up i burst into tears. its been like 10 min and im still crying and feel sick. ive had doctors say they dont know what DID/OSDD-1 is before. ive had them say DID is a personality disorder. ive never had anything like this before and i feel unsafe. the fucking endo community IS affecting healthcare. i dont feel like i can ever talk to a doctor about this stuff again. she completely talked over me and then moved on like it was nothing

btw this is the stupid study her husband worked on. read it and its not even PROVING ANY OF WHAT SHE SAID. its just "oh well some people THINK theyre plural and of course disordered people have to be miserable so if you like ur alters they must be magically there!" and was from the plural association. its fucking disgusting this is being used as fact when theres nothing but subjective opinion.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S246874992300042X

i genuinely think im going to go to planned parenthood from now on. i cant work with her anymore. its been 2? maybe more years of working with her but im done. im sorry to ramble so much. im still having a breakdown over this.

-arachnid anon

im really sorry about that arachnid anon. That sucks and if you can we hope you manage to get a new doctor because she is clearly causing you distress. This really sucks, I feel like endos don't always realise how dangerous this stuff can be for actual systems. If doctors don't see it as a disorder then they won't treat it as such, meaning you won't get the help you need and you won't feel safe with her (as you said), which like,, isn't good. She's not a specialist meaning if anything she shouldn't really be saying stuff about DID/OSDD at all, because that's not her job or her place ((I understand you brought it up, but still. She should keep her opinions out of her damn job))

[ceriseisland]

Can you talk about what exactly blue’s (f) arc was in FRLG?

I have two thoughts on her "arc" in frlg: that it's conceptually interesting and that she also suffered from a nonsensical personality change

FRLG opens with Silver stating that Green has recovered from her trauma with the help of her friends. This is the logical next step to take her development after GSC, but Kusaka decided to essentially remove her personality to show that she's grown as a person. Like, her personality was formed from trauma so we're just taking the whole thing away to show that she isn't traumatized anymore, which isn't how people work. This is similar to how Yellow's bravado and denseness has been slowly replaced by softness and shyness ever since she was revealed to be a girl. It doesn't feel like a logical progression like other dexholders have, but instead she just feels like a new version of the same character

Some things about Green in FRLG are completely different. Why does Red say he doesn't want to involve her in the fight? The arc acts like her parents disappearing in front of her is the most traumatic thing instead of, like, just another traumatic event on the list of shit she's been dealing with since she was five. Her response doesn't make sense when we know that her cheeky personality is a response to growing up having to take care of herself, so completely dropping that especially in the face of stress feels weird. I assume she would revert to her old coping mechanisms under stress, but instead she's more open and vulnerable than we've ever seen her despite the rawness of the situation (compare that to how Ruby keeps reverting to his bad coping mechanisms despite his efforts to change). And Red has seen her overcome her fear of birds by capturing the legendary bird trio and showing up to fight with them, so wanting to keep her out of the fight doesn't make sense either. And why does professor oak insist that she's the most sensible kanto dexholder? The girl he publicly humiliated for stealing? She's definitley not more level headed than them enough to justify only giving her vital information. It really does feel like her personality was yanked out and replaced with Generic Girl personality. It doesn't feel like a realistic next step for her development as a person

On the other hand, her "arc" fits really well into the theme of FRLG (though some of it is just speculation). FRLG is a story about these one dimensional characters in a simple shonen universe growing up and realizing that the world is more complicated than they thought, and suffering because they dont realize it at first. For Green, she starts out in new clothes sitting pretty and proper under an umbrella, waiting for her parents to arrive and everything wrong with her childhood to be righted. But since this is FRLG, it isn't that simple, and her parents get abducted by Deoxys. Then later on we get this exchange

where she admits to her parents that she's changed because of what she went through and she can't go home just yet. It seems to me like Green thought she could make everything go back to the way it was before she was kidnapped. That's why the first full shot we get of her is this

where she's sitting all ladylike waiting for them, and she definitely isn't a ladylike person. I think there's some delusion there about a simple world, like other dexholders in this arc, where she thinks if she just acts like the child her parents lost, they'll go back to being the family they were when she was little. But she changed because she was kidnapped, and it's impossible to go back to who she was before all the bad things happened. I think that's what Kusaka was getting at with her here, that just like with Silver the ending is tragic and bittersweet. It feeds really well into the theme of FRLG, even if it isn't focused on much

[exilynn]

title: 𝕰𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖊𝖘 𝕹𝖔𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖘( Eddie Munson X OC)

˗ˏˋ 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 (x)ˎˊ˗

synopsis:

"They say that the legend of Nocteris echoes only in the hearts destined to meet. But what if this echo is so strong that it transcends time and memory?"

Love never made sense to Eddie Munson.

With a cynical view and a shielded heart, he believed that fate was always against him. Until a girl came into his life, and everything changed.

He rolled a 2 and saw her for the first time, laughing with her friends while he played with his band.

He rolled a 5 and, that night without rules, she gave him a glimpse of something deeper in the night.

He rolled a 7 and showered her with compliments at graduation, and for the first time, he saw her beyond the idealized girl – she had something much deeper.

He rolled a 10 and, while she was going through her own inner struggles, he found himself wanting to protect her, but not knowing how.

He rolled a 12 and, after a night full of laughter and confessions, he realized that she was changing his view of love.

He rolled a 15 and, even when everything seemed confused, their hearts were more connected by the echo of feelings.

And when he rolled a 20, he knew that love was never a game, and that he had won the lottery of love, but had no idea, until it happened. The bat of Love bit your soul, and nothing would be the same again.

♥ Spotify:

♥ format: longfic; canon divergence, headcanon's

Characters:

♥ pairing: modern eddie munson x fem oc( self insertion but you is quinn)

♥ warning:

Eddie Munson/Original Female Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Slow Burn, Sexual Tension, Drug Use, Childhood Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Sadness/Grief, Childhood Friends, Original Character(s), Bullying, Eddie Munson Needs a Hug, Protective Eddie Munson, Background Hellfire Club (Stranger Things), Basketball Eddie Munson, Explicit Sexual Content, Eddie Munson has a Crush on Quinn Josephine, So many references 80's time, Eddie Munson Has a Sister, Eddie Munson moms Headcanon, Past Jason Carver/Eddie Munson, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Antonella Munson, Corroded Coffin Concert (Stranger Things), Minor Eddie Munson/Original Character(s), Adopted Sibling Relationship, Quinn Josephine has a Crush on Eddie Munson, Loss of Virginity, Good Friend Dustin Henderson, A rewrite of Stranger Things for Eddie Non-canon Love Circle, Alternate Universe - No Upside Down (Stranger Things), Protective Parent Jim "Chief" Hopper, Denial of Feelings, Good Friend Eddie Munson, Character Death, Smoking, Eddie Munson Lives, Blow Jobs, Eddie Munson is an ABBA Fan, Eddie Munson is Whipped, Eddie is a simp but just for Quinn, Eddie Munson has Golden Retriever Energy, Eddie Munson Has a Praise Kink, Eddie Munson Has a Daddy Kink, Eddie Munson Has a Breeding Kink, Degradation Kink, Sexual Overstimulation, Eddie Munson is an Rob Zombie Fan

A/N: first i got say, welcome. Second: I know in this fandom people dont like and almost is not looking for fanfic with "OCS", stories like mine aren't popular in this fandom, but i have a porpuse, this fic/au. can be the best love story of eddie and his love role(headcanon). so, please support me, you'll reblog for it can arrive the right persons, that they like OCS!

Good reading🫦♥️

14. True Blue

— Shall we go to the living room, dear? — He asks sweetly, opening the closet to get some blankets.

I smile and accept the invitation like a clueless person. Before that, I try to find Eddie's face between the blankets.

I get up from the bed and offer to help him, aware of the weight of the fabrics compared to mine. He refuses, but I insist, pulling the blankets from his hands. However, being clumsy, I end up falling with the weight of them on top of me.

Eddie struggles to contain his laughter when he sees me lying in front of the bed.

— If I hear a single laugh, you'll hear it from me, Munson! — I barked.

— How cute, your size doesn't stand a chance against the molecules that make blankets heavy! — He says, feeling like a physics genius.

— You think you're tall? Fuck you before I forget!

— Learn to swear, my dear... — He challenges me. — Hold the blankets more carefully, otherwise you'll drop everything before we get to the living room!

I get out of bed, wanting to punch him. Eddie can't stop laughing when he sees me panting from exhaustion.

— Eddie, stop laughing. I'm more of a man than you in many ways! — I exclaim, and he starts laughing even harder.

— We'll sort out this size issue later. You'll get something big later... — He says in an enigmatic tone, and for a moment, I wish I had played dumb!

— Quinn, I was talking about my hand. I can't believe you thought of something dirty! — He widens his eyes, feigning innocence.

— It couldn't have been your hands, you're so clueless!! — I reply, laughing provocatively.

— I think it's cute, my angry girlfriend. Can't I love that? — He asks, looking at me with those doe eyes.

—EDDIE, ARE YOU A MASOCHIST?—He's about to confess that he's Grey from Howling. But the one in the Nine and a Half Weeks version with Mickey Rourke.

— If you let me, I won't be able to hold back, my dear. Sometimes it seems that, besides being hot, you're also cute...

— You want to throw me on the bed and fuck me, do you? — I tease him with dirty thoughts.

He is speechless, swallowing hard. To disguise the erection in his voice, Eddie throws the blankets on the couch.

— Eddie, um... Why so many blankets? Let's build a fort?

I try to understand his intentions, but he remains silent, leaving me tense and full of anxiety.

— Edward... Are you deaf or did you buy a ticket to Mars? — I pout, realizing that I'll probably be talking to myself.

— I want to try something with you... but first you need to trust me and get the sheet, okay?

— Whatever it is, don't talk to me in code because I'm not a bar product.

He gives me the cold shoulder. I agree to everything he wants to do, and Eddie throws a sheet over my head, but not completely.

Is it crazy to think my boyfriend is acting like a five year old?

Without much choice, I put the sheet on. He takes my hand and guides me to the door, where there is a window on the other side of the kitchen.

— I promise you'll have fun like when we were childhood friends! — He assures, pursing his lips.

— Why the hell are we wearing headscarves?

— There's a Halloween party here in the neighborhood, the birthday of the neighbor's niece's daughter, Dorothy. Why don't we dress up as ghosts and scare the kids? — He repeats, almost like a child asking his mother for candy.

— Well, you're a fan of slashers, but isn't this crazy? What if the kids call their parents to hunt us down?

— But you talk like I'm a maniac, I just want to have fun. What's wrong with that? — He understands my idea and smiles happily.

— I thought you didn't like children…

— I don't like spoiled children, but imagine? Scaring them? I want to practice being a father, Quinn!

— I'm claustrophobic with a sheet over my face, Eddie.

— I promise... — he sighs. — Come on, are you really going to deny your Eddie a request like that? — He pouts like a crybaby.

— I'm scared because it's dark outside and there might be thieves, I don't know. 

— So what? I'll keep them out of my girl's way. Besides, the dark can be fun when you're not alone.

— You keep getting the impression that you want to have children. Make hairy babies! — I shoot, laughing.

— Like... industrializing them? That's inhumane, Quinn! — He steps away from me, taking a step back but laughing like a madman.

— Not in that sense, you idiot! I'm talking about planning fur babies with me…

— Ah, a love ritual? I'm one hundred percent up for it. — He smiles obscenely.

After that little direct flirtation, I decide to please him and go along with the childish and crazy game, perhaps it would give us some fun stories in the future.

— Let's scare the children, otherwise I'll lose more brain cells if I keep talking to you, love!

Eddie laughs and gives me a bear hug that nearly crushes me. I pull off the blanket and watch Eddie do the same. I approach the window to watch the movement on the street.

There's activity in the Mountain Park trailer park neighborhood.

As Eddie puts on the sheet and assumes the ghost position, we approach the window. He gives me an appraising look. Together, we imitate ghosts, making classic sounds like "Uhhh Uhh!"

The girls freeze, paralyzed with fear. We shake off the sheets, and the group of dressed children run home as if they were running from a maniac.

We laughed at their panic. I never thought I had so much fun outside of Halloween month.

— Mom, there are ghosts in Howling. I swear there are! — Says a girl, terrified.

We run after them, chasing them like crazy. But there comes a point when we give up on scaring them. Eddie suggests we go back to the trailer. We close the metal door, pull the covers off our heads, and laugh so hard my cheeks hurt.

Eddie says, breathless:

— Now they're going to talk about the Satanist panic. The girl called her mother saying there were ghosts in Howling! — He comments, still laughing.

— Don't make a fuss, it was fun, Eddie. No one is going to put you behind bars and if they try. They'll see me, I swear! — I say protectively.

— How cute. Honey, did you have fun? — Eddie runs his fingers over my cheek.

I nod, smiling.

After a few more laughs, Eddie grabs a blanket and spreads it on the messy couch. I'm curious to know what else he has in mind.

— It's okay, Klung. Since we caught the night breeze and you can't get sick.

— You'd be a great husband, taking care of me like that so I don't catch a cold. Oh, how sweet. And I want to hug you until I suffocate!

He can't help but smile and give me kisses all over my face and neck. And then we switch roles, and I shower him with my over-the-top love squared.

— Mmm... There shouldn't be such an addictive kiss — I murmur, pressing my lips together.

—Really? Hm, I think we invented love. Don't you think, Quinn?

— I don't really know what to say, I'm almost like Shakespeare when I'm in love... — I reveal, and he smiles beautifully.

— Of course, you can be whoever you want. Be yourself, and you'll be at peace, dear. — He stops talking and remains silent, watching me with those puppy dog ​​eyes.

— What, Eddie? — I ask, worried.

— Nothing, it just doesn't seem real. I'm not the same outcast kid from school anymore...

— I don't understand. Is that bad, my beautiful star?

— No, but it's just... I never thought you'd make me mature so soon...

As I gaze at her cherry-colored face, admiring every detail, our eyes meet, creating a hypnotic connection on another galactic level.

Eddie clears his throat, and the unexpected sound makes me jump.

— I need to go to my room, but I'll be right back, darling... — He interrupts the moment of tenderness in which our souls seemed about to merge.

I see Eddie walking away and running towards the bedroom, quickening his pace. While he's gone, I try to find a place for my backpack, ending up leaving it on the couch.

I look around, taking in the details of the small living room. My eyes drift to the corner, especially to the bookshelf, where his collections of CDs and high fantasy books rest, organized alphabetically and by color, like the colors of the rainbow.

Eddie had a box of novels on his shelf, among them soft porn films. Next to them were the classic horror and slasher films.

Not satisfied, driven by curiosity and the urgency to find him, I search the whole house, but there is no sign of him.

Neither in the living room nor in the other rooms. When I give up trying to find him, I approach the shelf where his collection of CDs and vinyl records from the golden era are.

Eddie has diverse tastes and is a true lover of vintage eras.

Curious, I go there, open the little door and come across his CD collection. From Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, to a box set of Michael Jackson and The Beatles.

Suddenly, Eddie appears behind me. His hot breath makes me nervous.

— How long have you been spying on me, huh? — I jump in fright when he tries to surprise me.

— I think I just fell in love with your personal bookshelf…

— Do you like my collections?

— Your musical taste is very similar to mine. And worse, you're my mirror, damn it!

— Honey, we're like twin flames. — He winks, and I'm left speechless by his flirting.

---

Without saying anything, I walk away and go to the couch, feeling strange with the intensity of the moment. My hands are cold, a wave of nervousness invades me.

— How about something more... physical? — Eddie approaches the couch, placing his hands on the back.

He reads my lips with his eyes, studying every expression on my rosy face. I close my eyes and he presses his lips to mine. But I startle when I feel the collision, almost as if I were in space.

Suddenly, I push him away.

— Damn... what was that? — he asks, sitting next to me with a worried look.

The curly-haired man closes his eyes and leaves one half-open, looking at me sideways, as if he was waiting for an answer about the sudden kiss.

— Don't be tense. — I rub his arms.

Eddie looks at me intently, searching for answers in my eyes, the windows to my soul.

— So you say that my kisses on other lips are not good? — His words have a double meaning, but he sounds melancholic.

— What did you say??— I wasn't surprised. He knew how to make me tremble to the core. The epicenter of my fantasies, he knew the door to enter. Damn the time when I forget the key and he steals it.

He stands back, feeling a little awkward for seeming to force the moment.

— I'm a failure at giving love, at loving you. You're never satisfied. — He punishes himself, making me nervous.

— No, it was never about being enough to give love. You are my greatest love, Eddie. — I look at him seriously.

— My father was right, Quinn. Now I see how weak I am with women and everything I touch crumbles. Like dust…— He says, his face lowered and he squints his eyes, as if he feels angry.

— Your father never knew how to value the family he had. You are not where you came from, you are so worthy of love and acceptance!

I can't hide the anger I feel. Alanfiero should have seen his son grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth as someone to be proud of, and no, he didn't have to see Eddie as someone who was ashamed of his charming yet chaotic nature. But I love this guy and the chaos that surrounds him like a planet orbiting in space.

— My father abandoned me... I was just a child. He knew I wouldn't honor the Munson line. — He almost cries, and I take my hands in his and press them gently. 

— No, my angel. You're Edward Munson. The dream of... women... — I stammer. It's definitely nervousness.

— Are you sure, Quinn? There's still time for you to run away from me, as if I were a Lich. — He scratches his neck, probably in denial.

— I'll swear at you if you ever stoop again, Eddie!

— I wish things in my life hadn't gone so wrong. You were the only thing that went right. And I don't want to lose you to any thoughtless choice...

I never know what to say to someone who is tormented, but I hope to become their point of comfort after Eddie finds himself.

— You are amazing to those who care about you and know who you are. Don't doubt for a second that people love you, Eddie!

— Make me see how you see me, Quinn? Please? — He asks with red eyes and my heart almost goes sick.

I'm silent for a moment and then I say:

— I will, but it will be my way. And that includes punches and kisses. Is that okay? Or do you want to give up?

— Damn, I can never tell you how much I love you. You're beautiful, perfect and mine... — He says passionately, pouring all his love into me.

I feel like a bowl full of candy. It's weird, but it's like being filled with sweet things, when Eddie declares himself to me like a sick man in love.

— About the kiss... I love the way you hold my face. And how you pour love into me. — I admit, a little shy and bold. 

He looks at me, skeptical.

— You're sexy even when it comes to love. I want you to never change, no matter how much they want you to change, don't change. — He demands that I open up to him about every thought, with a serious but very enchanted look.

— I don't intend to. I just want you to not be afraid of being human. Cry as much as you want, as long as I can cry with you... — I assure, running my fingers along his jaw trying to record every tiny feature that the poet burns in a beautiful poem that captivates.

He still wears a droopy, melancholic expression, which makes me reconsider my approach.

— And if my kiss were classified, where would it be?

- I don't know. Argh, oops, defensive? Is this how basketball works? — I ask, not trusting my sports slang skills.

He looks at me, surprised.

— You know, right? Have you ever been involved with an athlete before? — He asks, curious.

— And does it matter, Eddie Munson? — I'm not offended, I'm just being a good actress.

— Did you hook up with someone, like, fall in love before you liked me? — He raises an eyebrow, pretending not to be jealous.

— There have been cases, but it was never real. Because I only have eyes for you. Even though I know you are the perpetrator of the crime: Ghostface's anonymous flirt!

He laughs, tries to contain his laughter, but he can't because his laughter alternates between funny and nervous noises.

— Guilty! Wow... I didn't know how to approach you otherwise! — He defends his behavior.

—I couldn't have suspected, Eddie. You've always loved the movie Scream since you were a kid! — I reply, feigning indignation.

— Okay, blame me. Hmm... Are you happy to spend the night in Munson's trailer? Or do you want to run for the hills? — Eddie rubs his fingers on the back of my neck and leads the way.

— I'm not going to lie, I got excited thinking about sleeping with you and smelling your weed and your Harley scent...

— Do you really exist, Quinn Josephine Klung? — He asks, holding my face like a puppy.

— Hey... How do you feel?

— Excluded from the Munsons, and that's been making me anxious for some time now. And ever since my heart was broken... — He confesses, unsure that I won't take this seriously.

— I can solve this with a punch. Who was it, Eddie? — I ask, with a hint of anger.

— It's not your job to hold my world up when it falls, darling. — He whines, but I slap his arm reprimandingly and make him look at me. 

— The only weight you carry is that of being a badass guitarist who has no idea how amazing you are! — I say, holding his hand on my thigh.

— Ouch, my cheeks... — He mumbles, taking my hands and placing them on his face.

I carefully pull my hands away, not wanting anything to interrupt our more mature interaction with the adults. Since we are both fans of physical contact, which previously seemed like a challenge.

—Holding on to pain is like poisoning yourself, Eddie. — I suggest, trying to help.

He lets out a little laugh, but he knows I'm serious, that my conflicted heart is fine. A past of pain similar to his.

— You will still be loved for the paths that lead you to music. People will cry to take a picture with you. — I assure him, smiling and caressing his hands gently. I can feel him shiver at the touch.

— I don't want this concept of being the king of the world. — He comments, rubbing his hands on my legs.

— Alright, humble people!

— At the end of the day, I just want to do the right thing for me. For both of us. — He kisses my hand, and the warmth of it comforts me.

— I'm not perfect, Eddie.

— But you are, in your own way, and no one can change that. Because if you want to change. The guy can talk to me with my palette stuck up his ass! — He protests, pouting.

— You have no idea who you're loving, you'd run away if you knew I have shadows too…

— Who cares about shadows? We're all monsters at some point, love.

— How awful, Eddie. Am I Godzilla? — I say, a little sentimental but inside I want to laugh until I die.

— Oh, shut up. — Eddie seems to have an epiphany. — Damn, you make me take my clothes off with words.

I look at him, surprised at how emotionally open he is becoming.

— The nakedness of the soul is beautiful, isn't it. Hey, rocker?

— Maybe a little of your love has banished my pain and every damn shadow that comes back strong when I fall. — He admits, smiling.

With Eddie by my side, I know I can face anything negative.

---

Eddie attacks me when I'm off guard. He jumps on top of me, almost knocking me off the couch.

It seems impossible that someone can break another person's sadness, but he does, and I'm amazed every time. And we are a better team by helping to reintegrate each other's worlds. Polishing them like Lego pieces.

— Come on, tickle fight! — Eddie yells, knowing he's putting his life at risk.

— GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU STEAMROLLER! — I shout, but he pretends not to hear, acting like a disobedient child.

— It's not the way you smile. It touches my heart. It's not the way you kiss. It destroys me... — Eddie recites the Beatles, while pressing me against the couch. He stands up and makes me dance with him to the music.

His brief display of affection makes my eyes shine, as if stars were reflected in them. I dance in his arms, like in an old movie, only without the time travel.

Eddie spins me around, but I fall to the ground.

The rocker looks at me worriedly and starts patting and tapping my face to wake me up.

— DAMN... JOSEPHINE?? ARE YOU OKAY?

I regain my senses in seconds.

— I thought I was going to live in a sarcophagus, I saw some dark things. — I say, dizzily, and he steps back, embarrassed.

—I guess... I got a little carried away? — He feels guilty for his rash action.

I start to laugh at his insistence on worrying.

— Hey, this is love... I'm not going to die, calm down? — I call, and he comes back, sitting near my knees on the floor.

— Are you really okay or just pretending?

I nod that I'm “ok”.

— That's great, honey. What a scare, damn, you make me feel so free that I get excited like a child! — He describes how he feels when he's around me.

— You're a lovelorn idiot, but I love you. Because you bring out the best in me and I take care of my worst. — I exclaim, standing up and slowly sitting on the couch.

— Hm, maybe I'm a fool for that mouth, those autumn-colored eyes…

— God, you're so beautiful. Did you know that? — I hold his jaw firmly. And I twirl my finger around it.

— I love you. You make life seem painless. Like breathing is divine, Quinn. — He confesses, looking sincerely into my eyes.

I feel my heart melt with his sincere words. It's amazing how he can make me feel so special with his philosophical phrases.

— You saved my little girl who was sad and excluded, thank you... — I admit, feeling a comforting warmth envelop me.

Our lips meet in a sensual kiss, full of passion. Eddie's hands grip my waist as the kisses intensify. Each movement of ours seems to reach a hellish nirvana. Our bodies intertwine in the thin air, dancing to the sound of the music written on our lips.

No matter how cliché it is, this is how I feel. This is where I should be: in Eddie Munson's arms.

---

Followed by kisses, Eddie and I settle into the couch, exchanging intense glances as our hands intertwine.

— Mm... — I try to breathe, still out of breath, swinging my agitated tongue against the roof of my mouth. — You still take my breath away with that damn tongue, Munson.

— I love kissing your lips, making you philosophize in my mouth. — He smiles. — Hm, hey… give me a nickname? — The curiosity in his eyes is evident.

— Peanut? I don't know, hm, Snoopy? — I joke, playing with our hands.

— You're Woodstock, so small, you look like a dwarf sperm.— He says, unable to contain himself, still with a playful tone.

—Wow, do you hate me, love? — I feel offended, and I still have the mood intact of being at your feet.

— Snoopy drives Woodstock crazy, Eddie, so you're the beagle.

After exchanging couple comparisons, we laugh about it, and he starts imitating the beagle, with the same mischievous gestures, making us fall to the floor laughing. He notices my Corroded Coffin sweatshirt in pink letters.

— Now I get it... You're advertising my band. It makes me want to hug you! — He jokes, smiling like a fool.

— I'm a fan. Do you think I'm a squeeze toy, Munson?

— You're my toy, darling. — He says, his face close to mine, watching me melt like ice cream in the sun on Sunday.

Before he could continue with the compliments, I slapped him across the face without thinking much.

— HEY!! — He exclaims, surprised.

I remain silent, not knowing what to say. He looks at me, so I try to ease the situation.

— Oops, I think… I heard my intrusive thoughts! — I try to explain my wrongdoing.

He seems to doubt me, not understanding why I slapped him for no reason.

— Seriously? — He teases, mischievously. — Hm, don't you want to try again? — He challenges me, but I prefer not to go any further.

— Since when are you interested in sadism? Are you crazy?

Eddie looks at me intensely, as if he expects me to fall into his web of love. I feel a scent of boldness take over the room, between us, orbiting.

— I may have punishments for you, dear.

The threatening tone in his words makes me change the subject, but he doesn't let me escape. He draws my attention back like a spider hunting a fly, but with his thoughts rather than physically.

— You didn't answer... Do you want to be punished? — He asks, with a serious, almost magnetic look.

I try to divert my attention, feeling a heat rise in my throat. Eddie has this annoying habit of teasing me, and it makes me furious within seconds. I know there's some truth to this, but I don't want to admit it. 

My eyes reveal what I try to hide, and he notices everything.

He keeps teasing me, making me uncomfortable.

— Do you want to hold back from kissing me or slapping me? — He whispers, in a seductive voice, in my ear.

I snuggle up to him, putting my face in his neck, feeling his intoxicating scent, without any malice, and he gives in.

— Everyone can see it, some can't. Quinn, you're my nirvana. Believe me, I was a corroded coffin — He confesses, caressing my face using the name of the band itself as a reference. 

— How cute, oh...

— See how your fingers almost close together? I love your little hand close to mine. I never want to lose this contact... Stay with me, love me. — says Eddie, intertwining our hands.

— I'm here, aren't I? I'm not going to leave, okay?

Eddie's insecurity reflects the moment when life tore us apart, only to bring us back together, showing that in the end, we were made for each other.

— Sometimes it feels like you're going to run away, Quinn... I'm afraid you'll get tired of me. It was a beautiful fate, wasn't it?

I think about the answer, trying to be kind.

— I'm not going anywhere, okay? You saw all my torments and you didn't leave. You're here, and I love you so much, Munson.

Eddie hugs me, as if my torments were his too, and our pieces fit together almost perfectly.

— My Quinn, you shouldn't be ashamed of feeling things deeply, okay? — He comforts me, hugging me. I can feel his heart racing.

— Traumas are unpleasant things that devour the soul.

— Hey, don't wake me up if it's just a dream? — He says, his eyes shining with emotion and laying his head on my lap. 

— Am I beautiful? In what way?

I don't believe someone like Eddie sees anything special in me. The darkness is still a part of me, but he seems to see beyond that, beyond dragons and dungeons.

— In any context, from behind, from the side, from the front, from behind... From the soul! — He answers boldly, making me laugh.

— I love how you take my pain away, you know... There's a song, a chorus, that reminds me of our moments. — He runs his fingers delicately over my belly.

“Which one, Eddie?” I ask, genuinely curious.

— I've heard every verse. I've cried so many times. Those tears won't fall again. I'm so excited because you're my best friend. So if you ever doubt. Wonder what love is. Just think and remember, darling. Those words whispered in your ear, I said; True love. You're the only one I'm dreaming of, Your heart fits me like a glove. And I'll be true blue, baby, I love you.

— Ah, True Blue... — I get emotional, feeling the depth of the music, and he gently wipes the tears from my face. — Is it about comfort?

— Yes, you are my home. — He kisses my temple. — Now, about dragons and inner demons, I guarantee that mine will make yours run. — He challenges me, with a provocative smile.

— I don't believe there is anyone with more demons than me... — I answer quietly, with doubt.

He lets out a laugh.

— Ah, Quinn, we can fight your dragons with kukris. We're friends, first and foremost. I swear...

— If you run away, I'll kill you! — I say, holding tightly onto his Hellfire shirt. 

— Hey, do you want to see something? — He lifts my hands and I'm confused.

— Obscene? — I ask, trying to understand what he wants to show me, but he shakes his head.

— No, look, some people pass through your life like the seasons... Even if you don't believe it, you leave a mark on someone's life. Like when you compliment someone who has never received a sincere compliment. Or understand them in a way that no one else has ever understood. You have that gift. It was that gift that made me fall in love with you. Intensely...

— God, I'm not a goddess, Munson. — And with that he lifts his head from my lap. 

— It’s weird to say this, but be kind to yourself. You’re also an essay that needs to be written with patience. — He says, clasping our hands together again.

I feel like two planets are colliding: Venus and Mars, who in mythology were lovers...

I can only smile, like an idiot.

— Do I have a fever? — He infers, looking at me adoringly, analyzing every part of me with his guitar-calloused fingers.

— You make me dizzy. Eddie Munson, before Quinn Josephine, didn’t know what sunny days were. He lived with hypocritical clouds…

He completes.

— That's maturity, even though you have the soul of a hellish child, I can handle your beatings as long as they end in passionate hugs and kisses. 

— Stop flattering me. — I put my hands in front of my face, but he makes me remove them, patiently. 

— Don't hide from me, I want to see that beautiful face.

 — I've always been yours. We get distracted by trivial things, but we don't look at what orbits us, which is so simple and lovely, damn it.

---

After we spend some time exchanging caresses, Eddie turns to me and takes my hand.

— You don't even know, but so much nonsense went through my head about you being with that idiot Carver or Harrington...

— Were you jealous? — I pinch his cheeks, and he looks at me, angry.

— OK, DID YOU... LOSE? — He bursts into an awkward laugh. — Jealousy is cute, but not the crazy kind that suffocates, for God's sake!

— I don't... — He sighs deeply, moving away a little, stopping near the mossy sofa. — Okay, I was jealous. So jealous, especially when you talked about Harrington and didn't look at me first!

“Come here, jealous Munson.” I pat the couch like he’s a kitten, but when he doesn’t come, I pull him down onto the couch, covering his sullen face with kisses. Eddie can barely breathe, overcome by my affection.

— I wanted you, but I was just the weirdo you would never look at in a romantic, affectionate way...

— Shhh… — I exclaim, irritated, hugging him tightly.

—That idiot Jason almost grabbed you, just like Harrington's little quiff...

— Shut up and kiss me until your tongue thanks you?

The tension between desire and resentment makes me give in, and we begin an intense kiss, but slowly it turns into the kind of kiss that only the two of us know how to give — the one that is ours.

— I burn with you. My bones, everything. — He brings my hand to his heart, asking if I don't see his heart burning.

I can feel your irregular pulse, but I'm speechless. I just want to hear your heartbeat and be able to count it from one to a hundred.

— Do you enjoy excommunicating me from purity, Munson? — I tease, and we continue this back and forth.

— Of course, redhead... you're the very definition of fire in the ass, just like Charmander! — He intertwines his fingers in my red curls.

— Devour me? — I whisper, biting his right earlobe.

— Mmh… — He trails off, looking at my lips and how they move. — If you want, spit those words in my mouth. It'll be divine, Quinn.

I feel like there was more to be said, but appearances always speak louder than words. As in "Enjoy The Silence," words — like violence — break the silence.

heyy If you like, reblog, wharever, just support me 💗✨✨

[uriekukistan]

choso and/or megumi? :)

im so. i just spent so long typing this out only for the page to crash and delete everything i said. why does tumblr HATE ME anyway thank you for the ask i’ll try to remember everything i said the first time 😭

choso!!

favorite thing about them: his relationship with itadori is so cute! such a good brother! his facial expressions are so cute and silly! literally found out itadori was his brother and went “okay i’ll die for u now”

least favorite thing about them: the fact that they robbed him of his sick shoes in the anime. maybe something else will come up in the future but for now that’s it

favorite line: i got two! *in a life or death situation* can u just call me onii chan like once please please please please (paraphrasing), *facing kenjaku after finding out that they’re his dad and yuuji’s mom* “hey little bros look at this im gonna kill our parent

brOTP: gotta go w yuuji since they are in fact bros. his relationship w mahito is so silly to me tho, and i’d love to see him interact with todo!

OTP: i dont really have one. rn i think he’s too focused on his brothers to think abt that

nOTP: its not a no for me per se just that i think choso and yuki are very one sided. yuki clearly likes him but he’s too focused on yuuji rn

random headcanon: i can see him having a long skincare routine with a fluffy hairband

unpopular opinion: i think he is frequently mischaracterized in the name of fitting ppl’s sexual fantasies about him. ofc im all for having fun but i noticed it does impact broader perceptions of his character sometimes. could say this about any jjk man tho.

song i associate with them: mmmm maybe sunflower by post malone, don’t have a reason for it buy yea

favorite picture of them: have two

MEGUMIIIII

favorite thing about them: he is me i am him we are the same. realistic depiction of what it is like to be abandoned by your parental figure and then be told you’re “special” for some reason and now too much is expected of you but you never wanted this in the first place. i could raise him so well let me adopt him. I Will Take Care Of Him.

least favorite thing about them: can’t. that’s my son.

favorite line: soooo many but i think about “so start by saving me itadori” DAILY. hourly even.

brOTP: love his relationship with kugisaki. would love to see him with yuuta more for purely self indulgent reasons that are not related to my dancers au….

OTP: obviously gotta go with ITAFUSHI i could talk abt them for hours. a brain virus fr they’re everything to me.

nOTP: 🧑‍💻 megumi & sukuna, megumi & toji, megumi & gojo, megumi & mai, etc. i try not to yuck other ppls yum but uh. i couldn’t even decide which of these was worst.

random headcanon: uhhh this ones a sad one, but i think before gojo came along, he and his sister were starving (compared to other characters shown as kids he looks much bonier), so even into adulthood, he has a hard time gaining weight from the effects of childhood malnutrition and as a result, is a bit less physically strong than he could potentially be (still very strong tho)

unpopular opinion: you already know what im gonna say. most overhated character in jjk. yall need to get off his back before i get violent im so serious rn everything he does is a perfectly valid reaction to the trauma he’s been through since he was literally a toddler

song i associate with them: i got so many…recently been thinking of dreams of losing teeth by suave punk & moon i already know by mount eerie the most

favorite picture of them: soo many…unhinged megumi vs pocket sized gumi i cant pick

[sadcharactersrmykryptonite]

Sandray and why they are the The good thing at the wrong time, or the right person at the wrong time.

So i have read a lot of amazing meta on this series, especially the ephemarilty squad and it has made the viewer experience so much better. A big thank you to those people.

This post is technically not a meta nor am I claiming this is something groundbreaking. I just wanted to get my thoughts out.

Only friends has been an experience and my favourite couple is sandray. I know it will only give me pain but i am a masochist.

After episode five, I have seen a lot of people start to put blame on either sand or ray or Boston ( who is at 80% fault). But in this series we can't just easily put them in a blame box. It's way to complicated for that, as emotions are.

Ep 5 is from the perspective of sand while ep 4 was from ray, from these two eps we realise how different they are, how different their experiences are.

Ray is not exactly a mature person or even a put together person like sand. And we know why, he has self esteem issues, depression and is an alcoholic due to childhood circumstances. And he does not have a supportive network. And we can't blame the friends group because they are twenty something college kids who have no idea of the seriousness. Case in point, how they wave off rays talks of being a burden and continues to enable his bad habits. He is an incredibly messy character, with clear trauma and we have given enough points, explicitly told through the narrative. We are supposed to feel sympathy for him, we are supposed to feel empathy for him. We should root for him to become better.

Compare that with Boston. Boston has been given implied issues, acted out brilliantly by neo. Now whether they are some deep rooted issues from his childhood or parents or others, we dont know. Cause we are not explicitly told. We are supposed to be see him as the antagonist.

In the case of ray, we have given reason to believe that mew is not a great friend to ray as he claims to be. So we are not supposed to root for them so then who should we root for.

Enter sand, who's practically perfect, put together, mature and hot. But the problem is sand is not a put together person, at all.

Sand juggles between jobs, he takes care of the debt of his mother and is a good son. But he's in need of money and he has told that he will do anything to get more money. Aka his illegal plum business.

Ep 5 gives us mote depth of his character. And from the outside he looks cool, calm and collected, inwardly sand is an emotional person, who's driven by his emotions. Now from the first eps we were led to believe that ray is the emotional drunkard looking for trouble. He's not. Ray is driven by his trauma, his addiction, his thoughts, not his emotions.

Sand on the other hand is quick to anger, sarcastic to the point that someone has probably tried to punch him and has a rigid moral sense. And he wants to take care of stuff. And he falls fast. But he doesn't know how to deal with them.

Sand has gotten hurt before by way of top. And he keeps his emotional walls up. Ray is lonely, he wants to connect. And a lot of people have said that he doesn't know to connect but he does. Everything he does with sand is that, he's forging a connection.

Ray was the one who initiated every one of their interactions, even if it was done in an annoying manner. And sand doesn't give a rigid boundary he immediately gives into ray.

And this connection has already been formed, entirely initiated by ray and its strong. To the point that sand has fallen hard and has already given a designated time for ray.

But they are not in the same page. Sand has told ray that he wants to just be FWB and ray has agreed to that. And while we have seen clear signs from both of then that they like each other, I don't thing they are getting it. There understanding level is clearly marred with their issues, sand with being a second choice and ray with everything.

But they have shown that they can communicate. So why are they not communicating now. Because sand has put up the boundary of FWB. No amount of mooning and looking sad is going to tell ray that he wants to be boyfriends. He has to be explicitly told and sand has to do that.

Ray should also be clear with want he wants. Verbally. But both of them are not in a place of mind to do that. And that is surprising, because we could have expected that from the put together one. Expect sand is dealing with his issues and is unwilling to try , because of the threat of heartbreak and is letting his emotions get the better of him.

On the contrary, in rp 5 , ray seems more calm. He is actually trying, he's connecting with sand with doing the things that he loves. He's falling for sand and I think he does know.

Even after being drunk and high he has the werewithal to open up a conversation, he gave the chance to sand to try. But sand rejected it. That was a big chance and if sand had taken that chance, they could have talked about their current situation. That's what's so heartbreaking about it, because the possibility was there. I mean look at him here.

He clearly wanted him to talk to him.

Expect sand didn't take it, his problems prevented him from doing it, his emotions which were going overbroad prevented him from thinking rationally.

And ray took that rejection, personally. We can easily infer what went through his mind from what we already know ," I am a burden, I am a jinx". "I have tried my best but it's not working, So why should I try more", aka the devastating happy birthday.

Ray was rational at that moment, and dare I say mature, especially considering the scene that happened just before that. Ray was able to think above his emotions and give a rational way out of that predicament. But sand rejection triggered his trauma and he went back to square one.

There was a beautiful post about different types of understanding in this series. That's what is happening here, different types of understanding. But I can't find that post.

At that point both needed to understand the other but there individual issues left them unable to do it. And it's not anyone's fault. It's not a blame game. It's the reality of trauma situations.

How trauma and mental health issues can create problems, can make situations seem bigger then they actually are. How it made two people who are compatible with each other be reluctant to go further.

They can be the perfect couple the audience want them to be. But at this point of time , they are the right person at the wrong time archetype.

And they will remain if they don't communicate. Let's hope by the end of the messiness they both have some clarity on how to go further. And give the audience an emotionally charged story.

[aita-blorbos]

my friends directed me to this blog to see what people would think about my situation. theyre fully supportive, but wanna see what tumblr thinks, i guess.

aita for killing the person who murdered my family, and then killing my rich abusive adoptive father?

hi. im like, 19. or 20. i lost count. i dont care about gender, but i guess im male and use he/him. anyway. when i was around 10, there was a break and enter into my house. we were getting robbed. the robber killed my mom and dad, while i snuck into the kitchen do grab a kitchen knife. i stabbed him in the back and took his gun while he was stunned. i was scared to use it, so instead i just kept stabbing him until he stopped breathing. great childhood, i know.

anyway, after that, i was all alone. i didnt know where my brother went, and my parents were dead. we didnt really have an extensive family, so there were no funerals, and there was no one to take care of me. so for a while i just roamed the streets. some random guy saw me, and seeing a kid covered in blood probably isnt the most normal thing, so he ran up to ask if i was ok. he brought me to an orphanage, where i stayed for a while. eventually, my second "dad" (i dont even want to call him that. hes a disgrace compared to my real father, even calling him a parent feels disrespectful) came to the orphanage to adopt a kid. said kid was me. i was happy, cause id finally have a home again, and he was rich! i would be spoiled, and given a wonderful life for the trauma i had to go through.

i was wrong, though. the guy who adopted me was a prick. he was a rich scumbag who only thought about others if it meant he could say bad things about them. he was negligent, and would sometimes hit me. he got drunk all the time, and usually i was left alone in his huge house, only having the occasional housemaid to care for me. whenever i see pictures of the interiors of huge houses or mansions it gives me chills. anyway, after all this bullshit, i finally thought enough was enough. i still carried a few knives on me ever since the incident, in case something bad happened again. at night when no one except the two of us were in the house, i stabbed him in the heart while he was sleeping. i took all his money, and figured if worst comes to worst, i could pay my way out of being punished for murder. fortunately, that wasnt even necessary. when i called 911 pretending like i had no idea what happened, none of the officers even touched me. no one had a clue i had the weapon. it was eventually ruled down to a robber that got away, ironically enough.

after all this, i inherited all of his shit. all the money, the whole house, and all his stupid rich guy bullshit (think yachts, fancy cars). it was all mine. i turned the house into a housing unit, letting anyone who wanted to to live in it (like the homeless or people who needed to get away from an abusive household), given how huge it was. seriously, it felt like a palace in a disney movie. i sold all the shit he had that i didnt care about, or gave it away for free to others. i donate frequently to charity. i make sure i dont keep too much money for myself at a time, and i dont buy stupid things that i dont actually need. i dont want to become like him.

alright, so heres the final question. i know some people think murder is unacceptable, no matter how evil the victim is, that my parents may be watching me from the stars with hatred, and that rich peolle are assholes. but im trying my best to be a good person.

am i the asshole?

[sneefsnorf]

films i think should have won best animated feature: 2001 - shrek deserved the w its a fun movie 2002 - again the winner was so deserved. spirited away is a masterpiece 2003 - i havent actually seen triplets of belleville but it looks soooo fucking good. but because i havent seen it i cant say it deserved it over finding nemo, which is indeed a very good movie. maybe this will change 2004 - the incredibles is such a good fucking movie obviously. shrek 2 is amazing but nowhere near the overall quality of the incredibles 2005 - now i love wallace and gromit with all my heart but miyazaki was robbed. still curse of the wererabbit is so much fun and its cool to see stop motion win 2006 - this year was dismal for animated films. i really dont care about monster house, cars or happy feet. honestly flushed away should have been nominated and won. i've also heard good things about paprika but i havent seen it so i'll hold my judgement 2007 - listen i loooooove ratatouille but is it better than persepolis? .......... no sorry. persepolis is the winner in my heart. but im not mad about ratatouille winning 2008 - what can i say we all know wall-e is a beautiful love story between a butch and a femme robot. deserved 2009 - fantastic mr fox was robbed sorry up fans 2010 - i havent watched the illusionist so again i cant say that deserved the oscar. i CAN say that httyd deserved it over toy story 3. ive never cared for the toy story franchise much 2011 - rango is a crazy weird movie but i think it is probably better than kung fu panda two. just a bit. there's something so interesting about the animation style. a cat in paris sounds fun as hell though 2012 - this year's nominees were also pretty weak. rise of the guardians was robbed. i guess of the actual nominees brave is probably my fave 2013 - who in their right mind voted for frozen over the wind rises. i just want to talk 2014 - song of the sea is a beautiful beautiful movie which is much better and more visually breathtaking than big hero 6. i have also heard incredible things about princess kaguya and i wouldnt be suprised if that was the more deserving movie. LEGO MOVIE WAS SNUBBED THOUGH I CANT BELIEVE THEY FUCKING LEFT OUT THE LEGO MOVIE. LEGO MOVIE SWEEP 4EVA 2015 - ive only seen the winner, inside out, which is a great movie, but i wouldnt be suprised if anomalisa or when marnie was there was better 2016 - ive always found zootopia's message pretty muddy even though its fun. my life as a courgette was robbed af. it is such a beautiful, heartfelt movie and the way it deals with horrific childhood trauma in such a sensitive and hopeful way. go watch my life as a courgette NOW 2017 - coco is a lovely movie but the breadwinner made me feel emotions i never want to experience again in the best way possible. cartoon saloon's visual style is one of the best out there and it needs more recognition 2018 - we all know into the spiderverse is one of the best animated movies of all time and none of the other nominees were even in the same ballpark. its laughable that ralph breaks the internet was even allowed to be in the same space as this masterpiece. 2019 - again i dont really care for toy story but i reeeeaaally didnt care for httyd3 or missing link. i havent seen ive lost my body so i cant say thats better, but i am looking forward to watching it. i would honestly say that klaus is the best one here, the style is so visually inventive and this take on santa claus is really great

2020 - listen soul is fun but it would have been so much better without all the little blue blobs. like the existential jazz shit was a 10/10 they should have just made a slice of life movie out of that. not an oscar winner imo. ESPEIALLY NOT compared to wolfwalkers. obviously im biased towards everything cartoon saloon but this movie is a culmination of their years-long efforts and a combination of what makes their movies great. im biased because im irish but the folklore balanced with the soul-crushing message on colonialism is just perfect storytelling. the animation is some of the best ive ever seen from 2d and oliver cromwell dies violently. literally the perfect movie it should have won over the usual "lets vote for pixar" 2021 - encanto is funsies but i have a soft spot for the mitchells vs the machines and think that should have won. luca is also pretty good. i havent seen flee but the idea of an animated documentary is so innovative so that probably also could have deserved it. im not mad that encanto won though. 2022 - i havent seen director man's pinnochio but ive heard its good so i cant dispute its win. but marel the shell with shoes on is my favourite from 22 2023 - honestly all the nominees except elemental are 10/10s but the competition was really only between spiderverse and boy and the heron. my personal fav out of the 2 is spiderverse but i totally understand why miyazaki won and im glad he's getting recognition from the academy again. i wanna see more love for robot dreams though. and of course nimona is bombastic. fuck disney 4eva

ok thats it thank you for reading my rant

[zhongscara]

📿for rizzler,💄+👗 for scara, like do u think he likes dressing up? bc i think on one hand hes very attention seeking and likes feeling superior\wanted, but hes also self-hating and "dont look at me", curious what u as scara scholar think on this. 🚬 for zhongli

rizzness - 📿 faith-themed headcanon

oh wow right to the gut... i don't think he believes in gods in any way. he explicitly doesn't believe in the prophecy, and while he respects furina, he doesn't treat her as a god (or even a celebrity) like the rest of fontaine does before the trial. i think his childhood trauma really dashed any beliefs he could have been taught/couldve had. and then furina as god walking out of his trial and him interpreting it as her finding his trial "boring" didn't help matters either.

for where he is now, i think he's like. well the gods exist, but they're not going to help me in any way, so i should help myself and others like me. he worries about the people of meropide and on the surface, and the main quest shows us that he'd rather take things in his own hands than relying on the archon.

i do think he trusts in neuvi more than he trusts in any gods and he likely figured out neuvi wasnt just some immortal a long time ago etx, but he's still staunchly independent and his deep respect for neuvi doesn't translate to like. religious faith as we know it in teyvat. especially because neuvi is someone he can actually communicate with and talk to compared to how distant archons are portrayed.

scara - 💄 makeup +👗 clothes-themed headcanon

i agree that he's torn between the two extremes of wanting attention and hating when people look at him ("you dare gaze upon me" etc).

for me, he was definitely the one who picked out his fatui and wanderer outfits (like they do say and show that he was the one who chose to start wearing a big hat after his villain origin story), which shows that he's very particular about his outfits and prefers to dress in familiar clothes aka inazuman inspired fashion. (compare dottore, who is from sumeru, but is wearing something nobody in sumeru is shown wearing.)

for the fatui outfit, this is really interesting because his big hat + sort of veil references uchikatsugi, which was worn by noble women to protect from the elements and also to protect their anonymity/purity.

from Melissa Rose Chasse on flickr

so in a sense, it's like. he wants to show off his status, while also hiding himself from others. so for me, he goes out of his way to pick out beautiful, high-quality clothes for himself, and then remembers "oh fuck people are going to look at me because i'll stand out" so he tries to obscure his face in any way.

as wanderer, he (originally) doesn't have that trauma/complex, so the uchikatsugi influence is more like. thin banners behind his head, versus the wider covering in his fatui outfit

wow i'm rambling so much JSHDGKHSDJKGHSKJG. one of these days i'll make a longer post about scaras fashion etc.

as for makeup, i like to think his eye makeup was actually painted on. either by ei, as a rare moment of her caring, or by someone in tatarasuna, as like. actual proof of people caring about him. since he's still technically a doll/puppet, he doesn't really see the point in putting on other makeup. (this also means in like modern aus i think he's one of those people with annoyingly clear skin who only puts on eyeliner, if anything LMFAOOOO)

zhongli - 🚬 headcanon about a bad habit

funny that the emoji used in theme is a cigarette bc i just knoooooow zhongli is on that opium/nicotine to relax JKSHGKLSDHGJKSHGSJ. while he has the image of a proper gentleman and doesn't like doing things in excess, i think he deserves a smoke break. maybe he's even tried naku weed idk i don't smoke myself bc of asthma lmfao. he's also a "collector" but more like. he buys random things and justifies it to himself and others with some long-winded explanation and then goes home and puts it on a shelf overflowing with other random ass things he barely uses. he's always impulsively buying some trinket smh

[onthegreatsea]

i rewatched some of naruto via a fan edit recently.

its supposed to make it better... and it does remove the terrible 'jokes' that made me cringe even at 14 and generally improve the pacing.

but tbh its still terrible cuz fundamentally the story kishimoto wrote is bad

if i'd been a smarter kid i wouldve realised it wasnt going to go well when it kept having those world building info dumps (with diagrams!) that bring the narrative to a screeching halt. esp considering these are kids who should know like… basic geography.

(au where after naruto saves iruka he still doesnt graduate because he knows absolutely jack shit, displayed a complete lack of judgement, is completely unqualified for the role and! stole state secrets! lol)

despite that there is enough there that i can see why i got so invested in it. and why the wave was my fave arc. and also why i started to lose interest near the end of the chunin exams.

idk a story about child soldiers being taught by ex-child soldiers is interesting to me. a story where the world seemed to be driven by politics between nations who functionally use their child-soldier-villages like nuclear deterrents. villages driven by clan politics and eugenics in a desire to make the ultimate murder machine.

a world where you no matter how many dragons made of water u can summon, u can still be taken down by smart tactics and academy level techniques. a world where someone who can shoot fire from their mouth at will is a bit player compared to the guys whose power comes from money and politics.

did i mention the eugenic shit going on with blood line techniques? man that coulda been INTERESTING. shit. like i really thought it was gunna explore the trauma that all this shit involves esp when such a big deal was made of narutos childhood. but kishimoto doesnt really care about that.

and i still cant believe he made itachi a good guy. what the fuck dude. he murdered an entire clan of people!! entire families. children. babies. and then he horrifically tortured his brother. twice! dfsdfsdfs but its ok. because………….. listen. its ok now :) dw about it. <- (that was when i peaced out of the manga) i rly thought after haku naruto was genuinely going to start questioning shit. i mean i thought his whole revelation there was 'we are just tools to be used and discarded and thats awful' and not 'child soldiering is only bad when u dont treat them niceys :(' especially when the chunin arc has the hokage go 'i dont care if u die horrfically during this, im just trying to promote our assassination business lol' <- *kishimoto voice* dont think too hard about this

[ase-trollplays]

When We Were Kids (Part Two)

There, d'y'all feel better now that yer big strong moirail's gotcha in her arms-- Er, arm. Fuckin' hell, this is gon' take forever ta get used ta.

...yeah... i feel a little better... ...what about you though?... ...i know it hurt to adjust yourself...

Yeh, but it ain't nothin' I couldn't handle. Y'all just heard what I been through, an' that was when I was a wriggler. I'm built warship tough.

...hehehe... s-sure you are...

Are y'all laughin' at yer moirail? Ya don't believe I'm tough as they come?

...its a little hard to believe when a few pokes can take you out...

Yeh, well I ain't gon' be this sore ferever. Matter a fact, I think I'm already on the mend.

...s-so you can s-suplex dantli through the floor when he gets back?...

Gimme another night'r two an' I'll be judo flippin' him out a window. I'll do it with one arm.

...just clean up the glass afterwards... ...i dont want mom or any of us getting cut on it...

Yeh, yeh, I know. ... So, since we're sharin' wrigglerhood stories, I'd love ta hear what yer growin' sweeps were like.

...compared to what you told me... my childhood was completely wonderful... ...i cant complain about anything...

This ain't a game a trauma poker where we gotta one-up who grew up worse. No one with a perfect childhood grows up ta be a depressed adult who hates everythin' about herself. Y'ain't gotta tell me shit if ya don't wanna. I know yer not the kinda person who likes talkin' about herself.

...no... no... its fine... ...you told me everything about yourself... s-so its only fair i tell you what growing up was like for me too...

...i was always s-small and not very s-strong... ...im pretty s-sure i was a runt when i was a grub... and i wasnt much better after i pupated... ...i dont remember the trials... but what i do remember is being completely terrified... ...i probably just barely made it out...

...i was s-so s-scared of other people... ...it didnt even matter what caste... ...lower castes could kill me with their psionics... and higher castes are just plain s-stronger than me... and s-some like purples and cobalts have psychic powers... ...on top of that... if one of them killed me it would be justified because im lower on the s-spectrum than them...

...mom went with me everywhere when i left my hive... ...s-she was s-scared for my s-safety because i would be s-so easy to kill... ...s-she always told me to run if i got into trouble because im too weak to put up a fight... ...in hindsight... s-she s-shouldnt have been s-so coddling... ...it only hurt me in the end... but its not her fault... ...s-she was s-scared just like i was... and s-she wanted me to be s-safe more than anything... ...s-she just did what s-she thought was best...

Sounds like ya coulda used a lusus like my pa. He's a hardass who don't coddle'r or baby anyone. My first fights growin' up were with him cuz he didn't want me ta grow up weak an' defenseless. Bein' the lowest a the low castes, I couldn't afford not ta be if I wanted ta survive.

Ah fuck, sorry, I didn't mean ta interrupt.

...your fine... dont worry...

...anyways... when i was three s-sweeps old... i met s-sonja... ...he tried to... ...he tried to kill himself jumping off the cliff my hive's built into... but it wasnt high enough for the impact to kill him... ...he got injured very badly... and he managed to find the hatch leading into the maze and climbed in...

...i dont know how long he was there before i found him that night... but when i s-saw him... i was pale at first s-sight... ...at least... i thought i was... ...looking back on it... it was just s-strong platonic pity...

...he was a mess... hes only a s-sweep older than me... but he was s-suffering s-so much... ...his personality was s-splitting... and it ruined the few friendships he had... ...he was having trouble coping with basically becoming two different people... and having to go through it all alone... s-so he tried to end it... ...when he s-saw me... he demanded i finish the job and kill him... ...he s-said i had to do it because hes a highblood... s-so i have to do whatever he s-says...

...obviously i refused... but i s-stayed with him and talked to him until he calmed down... ...after that... i s-started taking care of him... ...it felt like my responsibility s-since he didnt have anyone else other than his lusus... and im s-supposed to always help highbloods because im just a midblood...

...once he was healed... he insisted that we were meant to be together... and it was no accident that we found each other... ...our meeting was pure fate... just like moirails are meant to be 'fated allies'... ...i admitted that i wanted to keep him company and keep helping him s-since he was all alone... and i was afraid that he would try to kill himself again if i left... ...s-so we agreed to be moirails...

...he was incredibly doting and s-sweet... ...both halves of him were... ...he went out of his way to s-spoil me and protect me... and i was s-someone he could confide in and trust and rely on for s-support... ...honestly... if i didn't have his protection growing up... i dont think i would have s-survived to adulthood... ...at his insistence... i never went anywhere without him just in case things went wrong... and he s-saved me a lot...

...we were happy... but we were terrible for each other in reality... ...just like my lusus... he reinforced that im helpless and weak and fragile... s-so i didnt learn how to defend myself much and become more independent... ...at the s-same time... i was too coddling of him and never reinforced boundaries... s-so he got used to always being my priority and having all of my attention at a moment's notice... ...we were only four and three s-sweeps and too immature to be in a relationship... but we didnt know that at the time... and we both ended up worse for it...

...i internalized that i cant do anything on my own... and i felt even worse about being s-such a 'bad' troll and the complete opposite of how were taught to be... ...i felt worthless... but helping s-sonja gave me a purpose and made me feel like i was doing s-something important... ...which turned into the depression i have now... ...im not s-sure he even noticed how i felt...

Prolly cuz he was so damn obsessed with himself and his own feelin's that he wasn't payin' attention ta yers, cuz that's the kinda impression I'm gettin' a this guy.

...yeah... i know that now... but back then i just s-shrugged it off...

...once we were about eight and nine s-sweeps... he s-started depending on me a little bit less... and i was finally able to make my own friends outside of him...

Wait, y'all didn't have no friends that whole time?? Fer five sweeps!? He hogged all a yer attention fer that long!!? An' that didn't set off red flags??

...like i s-said... i didnt know any better... ...i thought that was just part of being s-someones moirail... ...even once i s-started making my own friends... he had to be my priority at all times... and i accepted that because that had been my normal for s-so long... s-so it didnt s-seem problematic...

...it didnt become a problem until i met dantli... and we s-started to become flushed... ...now i had s-someone else that was a priority in my life... and i couldnt always drop everything to run to s-sonja whenever he called anymore... ...i wouldnt s-say he was livid... but he didnt take having to s-share me well at all... ...he would get incredibly jealous... which made him clingier and more demanding... which in turn made dantli upset... and he would get jealous and clingy too...

...i was constantly caught in the middle of them... which only made my anxiety and depression worse... ...it finally came to a head when i was badly injured when i was nine... and they both insisted on taking care of me... ...they were constantly at each others throats and competing with each other over who was the better caretaker... ...eventually enough was enough... and i had to make a choice...

...at this point... id been telling s-sonja for at least half a s-sweep that his overdependence on me was making me uncomfortable... ...after developing healthy friendships with other people and s-seeing how a good relationship is s-supposed to work... i realized what i had with him was deeply unhealthy... ...however... he kept making excuses and trying to justify his behavior... s-sometimes even going s-so far as to s-say his life wouldnt mean anything if i wasnt in it... and that s-scared me... ...but i just couldnt do it anymore... s-so i broke up with him...

Surprised he didn't do somethin' stupid like kidnappin' ya or tryin' ta kill Dan an' gettin' squashed fer his troubles. Seems like the type that ain't gon' take bein' dumped with dignity, 'specially if he was attached ta y'all at the goddamn hip like he was.

...i actually got lucky... ...we had a mutual friend who was vacillating flush and pale for him... ...after i broke up with him... he went straight to her...

Hmph. Sounds like she was plannin' on bein' a li'l hivewrecker. She saw things was goin' sour an' was just bidin' her time 'til y'all broke up so she could swoop in an' take him fer herself.

...i dont think it was like that... but i was just relieved he had s-someone who would be able to keep an eye on him...

An' yet he's still bummin' around ya. Why're ya even givin' him the time a night still after he spent yer whole childhood abusin' ya?

...its complicated... ...and he wasnt abusing me... ...we were just two kids who didnt know what we were doing and ended up hurting each other...

He manipulated ya, kept ya isolated fer sweeps, constantly put ya down an' made ya feel helpless an' worthless, an' then threatened ta off himself if ya didn't stay. He. Abused. You. Y'ain't gotta make excuses fer him. He's an abuser.

...kamava s-said the s-same thing...

Exactly. So why're ya still entertainin' him? 'Specially after he was stalkin' ya last sweep?

...that was the other one... ...the one ive been s-seeing is more mature and rational... and he goes out of his way to never hurt or be a threat to me... ...he always makes s-sure i have complete control and make the final decisions...

Uh huh. An' y'all believe him?

...yes... ...i cant trust the other half of him... and i know he s-still hates me for leaving him... but the good half of him is completely trustworthy and reliable...

I'll believe it when I see it. I'd say I don't trust him far as I can throw him, but seein' as he's a shrimp, I bet I could chuck him pretty dang far. If he starts givin' ya trouble again--

...no... corali... ...youve done enough trying to hurt people on my behalf...

Yeah, but he ain't fleet, so I ain't in any danger. ... He ain't fleet, right?

...no... but that doesnt matter... ...i dont want you... or danny... or anyone else getting involved... ...just trust me...

I do trust y'all. it's him I don't trust. Ya sure ya can handle him if he decides ta fuck around? Y'ain't immune ta mental bullshit like I am. If he decides ta voodoo yer brain, can ya defend yerself?

...

That silence ain't assurin'. I ain't telling ya ta never ever see him again if yer sure about this. Just. If shit goes sideways, let one a us know the second it does.

... ...okay...

Ya promise?

...i promise...

Good. I love ya. <>

...i love you too... <>

[cleromancy]

actually. still thinking about the stuff i mentioned in this post about like. people getting disproportionately mad at jason for mia compared to. like. any other supervillain that is *absolutely* also supposed to be somewhat sympathetic. like, thinking of two-face here in robin: year one (the dixon/beatty version).

because harveys role in the plot is adjacent to what Jason's is. he poses a clear danger to robin that makes the guardian/mentor reconsider the wisdom of having a kid sidekick at all. jason's actually there to make mia think about it, moreso than ollie, but their role as the antagonist of the story raises similar questions.

and i get that with comics in particular, your emotional reaction to what you read will always be influenced by what you see the fandom doing, and you do have... like im fairly sure the harv apologists are just like "i dont care who he hurt he looked good doing it" (and tbeyre so valid for that). and by comparison the jason legion, for we are many, are this whole scatterplot range of--some people only like him as a villain/think hes "unredeemable" (🙄), and some people want every bad thing hes ever done to be whooshed away by "pit madness" (🙄), and some people who. i have no ill will towards them but theyre fans of the new guy, the prime earth guy, and thats just a different character from my guy to the point that hes not even really relevant to ga 69-72 when we talk about it-- but nevertheless theyre in the same fandom, and the guy they like has the same name. so that can color peoples interpretations of whats on the page jf, for example, any of those factions really grates their cheese.

anyway. all that aside i do still feel like people get very angry at jason for being the antagonist--being a supervillain, even--maybe because he's so sympathetic by comparison in under the red hood/lost days (or i guess stuff the new guy's been in, if thats more your speed). like why did he terrorize mia! why did he scare her and beat her up!

and while i think the answer to that, from a character motivation perspective, is so obvious as to be. fucking asinine to need it spelled out-- the real answer is because as the storys antagonist he is there to challenge the protagonist. and in this case the challenge is not only the physical fight, its also a challenge to the question of whether or not plucky teen sidekicks should still exist in a post-death in the family dcu, where the baddies are badder and anyone can die.

r:yo was never asking that *specific* question, so lets just set it aside. thank you for your help harvey.

jason is a much easier target for reader anger than ollie because well. jason is absolutely doing something *wrong,* and he knows it, but he also has a fucking point, *and he knows it.*

ga01 was ABSOLUTELY engaging with and exploring aspects of the kid/teen sidekick trope that we know and love--mia kills a man on her test run, and the responsibility for mia being in a position where she felt like she had to do that, and the resulting trauma, is placed squarely and correctly on ollies shoulders. mias origin story meant she was never safe in her fucking life until she moved in with ollie, and now she finds out its left her with something permanent and life-changing--shes HIV+. what is safety? what is childhood? what does she want out of life, faced with her own mortality? she wants to help people. she wants to be a hero. and the way this unfolds, in the context of the dcu and how it works, you can see why ollie says yes this time. (and im so so glad he did.)

and jason shows up 20ish issues later when shes good and established to be like, "hi. you sure about that?"

and this is a chicken or the egg kind of situation where jason would not have done this to a civilian. shes a superhero. shes in uniform. there is an inherent danger to doing that and while you know that--both you the reader and you, speedy, green arrows junior partner and teen titan--nobody demonstrates it like jason "trolley problem" todd, both as the first notable dead sidekick and an incredibly dangerous, incredibly *terrifying* person. one who is *hell-bent* on *proving* it to you.

and when i say chicken and egg i mean while jason's responsible for his own actions, Ollie is explicitly responsible for mia's safety. imo blowing up the school wasn't to scare mia--it was to scare ollie. jason took the stakes of what it means to be speedy, or to *have* a speedy, and made them concrete. and that takes the concept of a plucky teen sidekick and makes it uncomfortable again because, god, she's just a kid. should she really be fucking doing this? (should her guardian really be *letting* her do this?)

(and people forget this, or purposely ignore it, but jason cant be more than 2 years older than her in this continuity, using tim as a benchmark. and i say this not because i want to emphasize that he would see mia as a peer rather than a child--though he would--or to imply he wasnt responsible for his actions--he was. i say this bc what was he doing in the supervillainy, he should have been at the club)

what i was getting at was i think rather than allowing the concept to exist in that gray area it is so much easier, so much more comfortable, to instead just be like. Well jason shouldn't have done that. he could have done it a different way. if he never put her in danger she wouldn't have been in that danger that night. and yknow all of those things are true but they don't negate the point he was making (and he was also doing more than that yk but this post is already Long lol), which was that that uniform puts a target on her chest. are you prepared for what that means?

and the difference between jason doing this, and Harvey, aside from the relative annoyingness of the people who want to condemn or exonerate them, is that. jason is not just a supervillain. he is a victim of *exactly* this thorny question. and he became a supervillain directly in response to this. you can not separate his actions here from the part where he knows what the fuck hes talking about, because it happened to him. and to make that less thorny, less uncomfortable, the focus turns away from the point he was making back to. Well he shouldn't have done it like he did it. while also ignoring that...... he did it like he did it because he knew how it felt, what it meant, to be a hero. if he didn't do it like he did it, would it have gotten through to them at all? would we still be talking about it like 20 years later?

anyway jason did such a good job posing uncomfortable questions in the narrative 🥰 im so proud of him for all his hard work!

[cybers-shithole]

i just realized that im not getting a diagnosis for osdd, did, udd or whatever type of plurality we have. we are seriously not. if qw do, itll be in at minimum 6 years from now. its expensive as fuck, and we cant even TRY to tell our parents. when we tried to say we have autism, we were shot down, compared to our aunt's kindergarten students, and they didnt even try to look into it until a year and a half later when my therapist brought it up. i cant explain to people that my body doesnt feel like my own, that im hearing other people in my head, that im not always in control. no matter how many times we get the classic "you act so off sometimes, its like another person!" no one will ever believe us. i cant tell some of my closest friends because they just wont believe it. some of the people i trust most in the world, i cant even tell them. we cant explain that we have no memory of 3rd grade, and we have little childhood memories, but theyre all happy. we cant explain that we dont know what actually happened. but telling people im hearing voices is the hardest part for me. it makes me feel crazy and like im gonna be sent to an asylum or something or put on meds i dont need. i just want to be medically recognized so i can be open about it but theres no way i can. im just stuck here with no treatment, very little people believing me, and unsolved trauma i cant get to.