#we dont even have to compare childhood trauma

[noka-exe]

Cass would have more scars than jason, childhood trauma erasure

ok but 1) what if jason just has a skill issue & 2) who said he has more scars

[echoesofadream]

okay one way i am autistic tho is the way i have super strong emotional empathy but really hard for cognitive empathy . And like when people make fun of empaths by all means but i know that when i feel other peoples feelings its not necessarily accurate because im projecting myself into their situation

[notedchampagne]

Thoughts and takes about vi and cait getting freaky in the prison cell

badly timed and poorly done much like the rest of pacing in arcane season 2. i dont give a pellet of shit that i saw animated lesbian music video sex 1) they started making out when cait revealed she "helped" (read: did bare minimum) vi help jinx escape. you know the sister that was in there an hour ago. the sister that just said she was going to kill herself that vi presumably did all this for. dont worry though fascist girlfriend that did zero apology for saying you have the same dirty blood and comparing you to animals comes first 2) i know one of the directors said that scene was "reclaiming her prison trauma" wow idk i feel like it would have meant something if we actually got to know how being imprisoned during most of vis childhood affected her and her belief system. instead everything about her personality and moral code is extremely wishy washy and centrist for the purpose of making her play whatever political part is needed to support the next guy. i. do not. care. about the lesbian sex if everything surrounding it was so absurdly bad i could not even laugh about it. brother i am getting flashbacks to the klance fandom

[souvenir116]

Okay, we know that Charles and Max are weird about each other on their team radios, so I would imagine an outsider's point of view from Bryan.

When it's announced that he will be Charles's new race engineer, GP invites him to a mysterious meeting somewhere to warn him and prepare him for this. Because GP wants someone to complain to about the two of them who will understand (he tried with Xavi, but at that point, Xavi was so checked out after all the Lestappen trauma, he was on planet Carlos most of the time).

At first, Bryan doesn't take it seriously, but then it slowly sinks in. "What are Verstappen's onboards?" ”What is Max doing, are they on slicks or inters? Let's do the same.” "What is my pace compared to Max?" even though they are 4 positions apart. "Tell me when Red Bull pits." "Tell me when Max is in DRS." "Tell me Verstappen's time in quali." "Tell me the differences between me and Verstappen, where is he gaining?"

So GP and Bryan become friends over this, making fun of them and joking around. And eventually Bryan would figure out that Charles down bad, that it is not just weird homoerotic rivalry. Maybe by getting invited to their wedding or something. Or they could be already married, just making it public and stuff. Oh my, if i was not in middle of the longest fic I've ever written I would jump on this one, but I'm not good with multiple WIPs.

my god imagine how done GP is with their whole nonsense homoerotic acts around each other 🙄 my man suffered enough already... and Xavi being traumatized lol 😭 I'm afraid Charles running to Max with all his being, and forgetting to close his car only to be the first one who congratulates Max for his wdc was the peak he could endure 😔

And Bryan probably wouldn't take it too serious because why would they be crazy about each other? It makes no sense. Until Charles asks what's Max's position when they are literally off points with 10 laps remaining and they just fight for it as if for a win... one of them taking the fastest lap and then the other doing the same. then again. they are really competitive but they are literally p15 and p16 <3

also they only rate each other, therefore it makes complete sense when Charles wants to do the same strategy as Max or challenge his pace while ignoring everyone else... it's only their little karting track, just the two of them, think of it like a romantic date but in their terms where they try to push each other because the win is even sweeter when it's against your childhood rival <3

being invited to their wedding would be shocking for both of their race engineers, imagine their faces <3

I hope you'll have the perfect and calm time to write this fic dear, dont pressure yourself and take your time ❤️❤️

[antiendovents]

// vent, medical ableism

tldr; my fucking DOCTOR is pro-endo and her source is a dumbass paper that proves nothing and now my healthcare is at risk!!

just had my appointment with my gender wellness doctor. she asked how i've been and i mentioned finding a 2nd therapist for specific stuff. she asked what and i said dissociative disorders. i wanted to be vague but she pressed me to talk about it and reluctantly i talked about having alters and answered her questions bc i struggle with saying no.

i told her i was ok with doing an adverse childhood experiences scale but that i had stuff i wanted to talk about (like my hrt not being at the pharmacy for months) she said "we'll get to it".

after the assessment she asked abt it causing distress and she was talking about how in the office they use the term "plural identities" i said that was fine but that its still a disorder. she was like "disorder is negative" and compared it to how it used to be called gender identity disorder (comparing the two as if she has any place to talk on it, being cis and a singlet) but its better to use "plural identities"

i was like "thats fine as long as its still seen as a disorder and caused by trauma" and she was like "no its not always caused by trauma" and i straight up said "do you have a source for that?" and she was like "google my husbands name" and i did and THEN she moved on to my actual issues with struggling to get hrt for months.

the whole time after i had to mask how i was feeling so i could get basic healthcare. after she hung up i burst into tears. its been like 10 min and im still crying and feel sick. ive had doctors say they dont know what DID/OSDD-1 is before. ive had them say DID is a personality disorder. ive never had anything like this before and i feel unsafe. the fucking endo community IS affecting healthcare. i dont feel like i can ever talk to a doctor about this stuff again. she completely talked over me and then moved on like it was nothing

btw this is the stupid study her husband worked on. read it and its not even PROVING ANY OF WHAT SHE SAID. its just "oh well some people THINK theyre plural and of course disordered people have to be miserable so if you like ur alters they must be magically there!" and was from the plural association. its fucking disgusting this is being used as fact when theres nothing but subjective opinion.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S246874992300042X

i genuinely think im going to go to planned parenthood from now on. i cant work with her anymore. its been 2? maybe more years of working with her but im done. im sorry to ramble so much. im still having a breakdown over this.

-arachnid anon

im really sorry about that arachnid anon. That sucks and if you can we hope you manage to get a new doctor because she is clearly causing you distress. This really sucks, I feel like endos don't always realise how dangerous this stuff can be for actual systems. If doctors don't see it as a disorder then they won't treat it as such, meaning you won't get the help you need and you won't feel safe with her (as you said), which like,, isn't good. She's not a specialist meaning if anything she shouldn't really be saying stuff about DID/OSDD at all, because that's not her job or her place ((I understand you brought it up, but still. She should keep her opinions out of her damn job))

[robintherobiner]

Types of fics i need more of:

de-age fics. Baby Bruce? Teen Bruce? Baby Dick? Teen Dick? Baby Jason? Teen Jason. The list goes on and on. deage them all. is it sad? is it funny? is it cute? is it traumatic? i dont care, make them all little.

ghost fics. i want Jason to haunt the shit out of his family. he sees them all grieving, comes back to life, and instead of killing people he just leaves ominous notes like "i saw you trip on your cape." or "leave fifty bucks at *address* or i'll tell everyone about your superman body pillow."

Tim being an utter loser. I love him, but he should be incredibly put together in public and then he gets home and just... is a mess. never felt the touch of anyone, woman or man. can do complex mathematical equations but needs a calculator to solve 4 x 3. think Sherlock Holmes, who can tell everything about you from one look but doesnt know the earth revolves around the sun.

Alfred being called out for being an enabler! fuck that old man, i hate him. however if he made me a cup of tea, i would die for him. Im a very complex person.

Dick being Damians dad. so cute, i love it. Damian deserves to have his own taste of found family. fuck blood of the womb, lets go with blood of the covenent or whatever the quote says.

Jason being childish!!! i think his mental age should younger than his physical one cuz, trauma, being dead, being catatonic in some cases, also just being pretty young anywas? gimme a fic where he comes home covered in blood cuz he just killed four guys and then goes to have a shower so he can play with his rubber duckies.

kiddie crushes!!! gimme more Jason loving Wonder Woman and being an utter fanboy when he encounters her. "Oh em gee you're here to apprehend me? Wonder Woman, this is such an honor, can i have your autograph-" Young Dick meeting Superman for the first time and hiding under Bruce's cap because "He's so pretty Bruce, he's gonna hear my heart go fast!" Tim meeting Constantine and, to everyones despair, somehow adoring him. "So you do magic? Thats like, so cool! Tell me all about it. My parents were archeologists, we probably have loads of of magical objects, do you wanna check them? Do you like coffee? Did you really sell your soul to multiple people? Thats so hot- I MEAN COOL SHIT FUCK-"

Literally anything about Dicks time in the circus. I think i've only read like two fics about it? Compared to the hundreds going indepth on Tim and Jason's childhoods?

Similar to the last one, but gosh the culture shocks they all probably had! Dick was used to constantly moving from city to city. Jason going from being on the street to a mansion. Tim going from boarding school, a place full of kids his own age, to being alone in his house so that he could be Robin. Damian was used to being respected and honored, he was a prince after all, only to suddenly be told that everything he knew was wrong.

Babs and Tim. I think they would get along, i wanna see them bonding!

Joker Junior. i know its not canon and it was only in like one cartoon but oh my GOD i love it.

Trauma reveals!! i love them. Dick's time in spyral, his apprenticeship with Deathstroke, the multiple fucked up relationships he's been in. Everything Tim did during 'Brucequest', Jasons time with the LOA, literally anything from Damians childhood.

Jon being aged up and his relationship with Damian! i dont even need to add anything, you get the point.

Dana, Jack, and Janet. I want it so bad!!! Dana is implied but never confirmed to be dead so bring her back and let her and Tim mourn!! let Tim find out his parents both slept with Bruce and have Bruce be like "oops i forgot about that, soz sweetie-" let tim hate christmas eve because thats when his mother was buried!

if anyone has recs for any of these sort of fics, PLEASE GIVE THEM TO ME. i've probably read most of them already, but i have a terrible memory so i love re-reading fics. just, gimme gimme gimme

[ceriseisland]

Can you talk about what exactly blue’s (f) arc was in FRLG?

I have two thoughts on her "arc" in frlg: that it's conceptually interesting and that she also suffered from a nonsensical personality change

FRLG opens with Silver stating that Green has recovered from her trauma with the help of her friends. This is the logical next step to take her development after GSC, but Kusaka decided to essentially remove her personality to show that she's grown as a person. Like, her personality was formed from trauma so we're just taking the whole thing away to show that she isn't traumatized anymore, which isn't how people work. This is similar to how Yellow's bravado and denseness has been slowly replaced by softness and shyness ever since she was revealed to be a girl. It doesn't feel like a logical progression like other dexholders have, but instead she just feels like a new version of the same character

Some things about Green in FRLG are completely different. Why does Red say he doesn't want to involve her in the fight? The arc acts like her parents disappearing in front of her is the most traumatic thing instead of, like, just another traumatic event on the list of shit she's been dealing with since she was five. Her response doesn't make sense when we know that her cheeky personality is a response to growing up having to take care of herself, so completely dropping that especially in the face of stress feels weird. I assume she would revert to her old coping mechanisms under stress, but instead she's more open and vulnerable than we've ever seen her despite the rawness of the situation (compare that to how Ruby keeps reverting to his bad coping mechanisms despite his efforts to change). And Red has seen her overcome her fear of birds by capturing the legendary bird trio and showing up to fight with them, so wanting to keep her out of the fight doesn't make sense either. And why does professor oak insist that she's the most sensible kanto dexholder? The girl he publicly humiliated for stealing? She's definitley not more level headed than them enough to justify only giving her vital information. It really does feel like her personality was yanked out and replaced with Generic Girl personality. It doesn't feel like a realistic next step for her development as a person

On the other hand, her "arc" fits really well into the theme of FRLG (though some of it is just speculation). FRLG is a story about these one dimensional characters in a simple shonen universe growing up and realizing that the world is more complicated than they thought, and suffering because they dont realize it at first. For Green, she starts out in new clothes sitting pretty and proper under an umbrella, waiting for her parents to arrive and everything wrong with her childhood to be righted. But since this is FRLG, it isn't that simple, and her parents get abducted by Deoxys. Then later on we get this exchange

where she admits to her parents that she's changed because of what she went through and she can't go home just yet. It seems to me like Green thought she could make everything go back to the way it was before she was kidnapped. That's why the first full shot we get of her is this

where she's sitting all ladylike waiting for them, and she definitely isn't a ladylike person. I think there's some delusion there about a simple world, like other dexholders in this arc, where she thinks if she just acts like the child her parents lost, they'll go back to being the family they were when she was little. But she changed because she was kidnapped, and it's impossible to go back to who she was before all the bad things happened. I think that's what Kusaka was getting at with her here, that just like with Silver the ending is tragic and bittersweet. It feeds really well into the theme of FRLG, even if it isn't focused on much

[kiisuuumii]

@kiisuuumii's writerly questionnaire !

thank you @lead-to-code for tagging (ily kara <33)

i'd love to see yall's answers (only if you'd like to share of course !) @noahsbong @yearning-rambles @thesorcererpoet

about me:

1. when did you first start writing?

i was maybe between seven and nine ? to be honest, i can't really remember when it was, but i remember the first few things i wrote were story quizzes on a (now gone </3) website called quizilla (it was naruto rp....................)

2. are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

not really, now that i actually think about it ! ive always been the type of writer that only liked writing angst, and even outside of writing (fan) fiction (which tbh i dont do very much of anymore), so much of my poetry either comes from heavy emotion or features it so sdghjksd

3. is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

theres one mutual, actually, who i actually wished i could write more like. in a very self-deprecating way, but ive since become very comfortable, and maybe even happy (!), with my style of writing ! so, no, i'm not really looking to emulate anyone in particular, and no one's ever made a comparison between my work and someone else's so no to that one too :0

4. can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (room, coffee shop, desk, etc)

i usually write on my phone, in the notes app or in my drafts here ! and ill usually only write in a (head) space where i can really think, undisturbed, for at least 30-45 mins. so i'll usually be out in my backyard under one of my calamansi trees ! though, lately, ive been occasionally writing at my desk on desktop tumblr :>

5. what's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

fall in love with someone

once i start thinking about how everything around me is alive, i start remembering that i, too, am apart of nature—a lucky enough set of sequenced mutations, to make me—just a eating, breathing, shitting animal. how lucky this set of mutations is to take it all in, the emeralds in the trees, and the beat of a chipmunk's heart, how scared we all are.

that or love

6. did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

people, no, but places, yes. i grew up for most of my childhood in the desert, and i have /always/ hated summers, because i'm kinda heat sensitive, and i sweat easily, and i hate it i hate i hate it djhks

but, a year ago, i moved back home, and, honestly, since being back home, ive come to appreciate the desert a bit more sgkjds i used to think they were ugly and uninteresting, but there's so much more there if you look a bit harder imo

7. are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

honestly !! i think there are plenty obvious ones, but i really wanna talk about /the lack of/ sexual themes in my work !! i wanna write more sexetry or whatever, but it feels really embarrassing to sdghks i really like writing them too, but again !! it just feels embarrassing !! ;w;

my characters:

1. would you please tell me about your current favourite character? (current wip, post wip, never used, etc)

not to copy of kara dskjfs but i love my first (and my current) d&d chara !! her name is maeve umerie, and shes a drow wild magic sorcerer / (planned artillerist) artificer !! shes so packed full of trauma and self-harming behaviors and addictions that i dont even know where to start <33 (i promise i love her i would actually be so devastated if she died before i could give her a proper happy ending </3)

2. which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

i have this fantasy novel thought that ive floated in my head since maybe september-october of last year, and, in it, i have a character named levin hel, and AUGH hes just a sweetie :^( hes the son of a blacksmith-gunsmith duo who know a thing or two about magic, and is the apprentice to the son of the wizard who saved his life (who's name is nox, and he's an asshole ! but also i love him so much ;v;)

i need go go back to all my notes and stuff on it, bc i invested A LOT of time worldbuilding for it, but yea levin's a very kindhearted person, very much wanting to be like nox's father :'''^) </3

3. which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

i would absolutely hate to meet maeve mother. she's horribly self-serving and emotionally manipulative. she rules the house with an iron fist, and anything less than the best is worthless. she uses everything at her disposal to get what she wants, family or not.

4. tell me about the process of coming up with one, all, or any of your characters.

im ngl most if not all of my characters are just bits and pieces of me and my wants in different aus >_> .................................

5. do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

family and/or religious trauma mhm yep

6. how do you picture them? (as real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc)

for my fantasy wip, i imagine imaginary artwork, but for maeve, i have pieces i've drawn and pieces i've commissioned of her !! id love to someday get pieces of her family and other major characters in her past commissioned :>

my writing:

1. what's your reason for writing?

i will say that it's changed over the years. as a kid, and up until college, i've wanted to always be a story-teller. but, lately, i dont really have a reason for writing, other than to satisfy the thing that lives inside me that wants to write :^)

2. is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particular motivating coming from your readers?

knowing other people's reactions, getting to hear how something made them feel emotionally, or physically, or if there was a particular thought or memory that came to mind. i love knowing what people see, what my work makes people see, if anything.

that or if theres something, a word choice, or a line, that you thought was clever or struck you !!! i always love knowing people's thoughts !!!

3. how do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (for example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who "gets" the human condition; as a talented world builder, as a role model, etc)

i want to be thought of just as another person, honestly. someone who had very human emotions, and did the only thing she knew how to do.

4. what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

uhhhhh im ngl i think this is also my greatest weakness but i have a tedium to my world-building, in that i need history-book-level details of my worlds or i will die (like i drew my own map. i drew a fucking map of an entire contiment)

5. what have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

yk,,,,, no ones given me a whole lot of specifics so im not sure,,,,,

6. how do you feel about your own writing? (answer in whatever way you interpret this question)

i said it before, but im pretty content at the moment with my poetry. though with prose, i think i could probably improve a bit sdgjksg

7. if you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

uh yeah !!!! i write and record voice memos in my journal fully knowing no one will ever read it or listen back right now as it is so !!!!

8. when you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it's a mix of the two, which holds most influence?

i gotta be honest, writing is a selfish act for me. i write because i want to, in ways that tickle my fancy dgkjds

it really is almost like an instinct for me

[uriekukistan]

choso and/or megumi? :)

im so. i just spent so long typing this out only for the page to crash and delete everything i said. why does tumblr HATE ME anyway thank you for the ask i’ll try to remember everything i said the first time 😭

choso!!

favorite thing about them: his relationship with itadori is so cute! such a good brother! his facial expressions are so cute and silly! literally found out itadori was his brother and went “okay i’ll die for u now”

least favorite thing about them: the fact that they robbed him of his sick shoes in the anime. maybe something else will come up in the future but for now that’s it

favorite line: i got two! *in a life or death situation* can u just call me onii chan like once please please please please (paraphrasing), *facing kenjaku after finding out that they’re his dad and yuuji’s mom* “hey little bros look at this im gonna kill our parent

brOTP: gotta go w yuuji since they are in fact bros. his relationship w mahito is so silly to me tho, and i’d love to see him interact with todo!

OTP: i dont really have one. rn i think he’s too focused on his brothers to think abt that

nOTP: its not a no for me per se just that i think choso and yuki are very one sided. yuki clearly likes him but he’s too focused on yuuji rn

random headcanon: i can see him having a long skincare routine with a fluffy hairband

unpopular opinion: i think he is frequently mischaracterized in the name of fitting ppl’s sexual fantasies about him. ofc im all for having fun but i noticed it does impact broader perceptions of his character sometimes. could say this about any jjk man tho.

song i associate with them: mmmm maybe sunflower by post malone, don’t have a reason for it buy yea

favorite picture of them: have two

MEGUMIIIII

favorite thing about them: he is me i am him we are the same. realistic depiction of what it is like to be abandoned by your parental figure and then be told you’re “special” for some reason and now too much is expected of you but you never wanted this in the first place. i could raise him so well let me adopt him. I Will Take Care Of Him.

least favorite thing about them: can’t. that’s my son.

favorite line: soooo many but i think about “so start by saving me itadori” DAILY. hourly even.

brOTP: love his relationship with kugisaki. would love to see him with yuuta more for purely self indulgent reasons that are not related to my dancers au….

OTP: obviously gotta go with ITAFUSHI i could talk abt them for hours. a brain virus fr they’re everything to me.

nOTP: 🧑‍💻 megumi & sukuna, megumi & toji, megumi & gojo, megumi & mai, etc. i try not to yuck other ppls yum but uh. i couldn’t even decide which of these was worst.

random headcanon: uhhh this ones a sad one, but i think before gojo came along, he and his sister were starving (compared to other characters shown as kids he looks much bonier), so even into adulthood, he has a hard time gaining weight from the effects of childhood malnutrition and as a result, is a bit less physically strong than he could potentially be (still very strong tho)

unpopular opinion: you already know what im gonna say. most overhated character in jjk. yall need to get off his back before i get violent im so serious rn everything he does is a perfectly valid reaction to the trauma he’s been through since he was literally a toddler

song i associate with them: i got so many…recently been thinking of dreams of losing teeth by suave punk & moon i already know by mount eerie the most

favorite picture of them: soo many…unhinged megumi vs pocket sized gumi i cant pick

[sadcharactersrmykryptonite]

Sandray and why they are the The good thing at the wrong time, or the right person at the wrong time.

So i have read a lot of amazing meta on this series, especially the ephemarilty squad and it has made the viewer experience so much better. A big thank you to those people.

This post is technically not a meta nor am I claiming this is something groundbreaking. I just wanted to get my thoughts out.

Only friends has been an experience and my favourite couple is sandray. I know it will only give me pain but i am a masochist.

After episode five, I have seen a lot of people start to put blame on either sand or ray or Boston ( who is at 80% fault). But in this series we can't just easily put them in a blame box. It's way to complicated for that, as emotions are.

Ep 5 is from the perspective of sand while ep 4 was from ray, from these two eps we realise how different they are, how different their experiences are.

Ray is not exactly a mature person or even a put together person like sand. And we know why, he has self esteem issues, depression and is an alcoholic due to childhood circumstances. And he does not have a supportive network. And we can't blame the friends group because they are twenty something college kids who have no idea of the seriousness. Case in point, how they wave off rays talks of being a burden and continues to enable his bad habits. He is an incredibly messy character, with clear trauma and we have given enough points, explicitly told through the narrative. We are supposed to feel sympathy for him, we are supposed to feel empathy for him. We should root for him to become better.

Compare that with Boston. Boston has been given implied issues, acted out brilliantly by neo. Now whether they are some deep rooted issues from his childhood or parents or others, we dont know. Cause we are not explicitly told. We are supposed to be see him as the antagonist.

In the case of ray, we have given reason to believe that mew is not a great friend to ray as he claims to be. So we are not supposed to root for them so then who should we root for.

Enter sand, who's practically perfect, put together, mature and hot. But the problem is sand is not a put together person, at all.

Sand juggles between jobs, he takes care of the debt of his mother and is a good son. But he's in need of money and he has told that he will do anything to get more money. Aka his illegal plum business.

Ep 5 gives us mote depth of his character. And from the outside he looks cool, calm and collected, inwardly sand is an emotional person, who's driven by his emotions. Now from the first eps we were led to believe that ray is the emotional drunkard looking for trouble. He's not. Ray is driven by his trauma, his addiction, his thoughts, not his emotions.

Sand on the other hand is quick to anger, sarcastic to the point that someone has probably tried to punch him and has a rigid moral sense. And he wants to take care of stuff. And he falls fast. But he doesn't know how to deal with them.

Sand has gotten hurt before by way of top. And he keeps his emotional walls up. Ray is lonely, he wants to connect. And a lot of people have said that he doesn't know to connect but he does. Everything he does with sand is that, he's forging a connection.

Ray was the one who initiated every one of their interactions, even if it was done in an annoying manner. And sand doesn't give a rigid boundary he immediately gives into ray.

And this connection has already been formed, entirely initiated by ray and its strong. To the point that sand has fallen hard and has already given a designated time for ray.

But they are not in the same page. Sand has told ray that he wants to just be FWB and ray has agreed to that. And while we have seen clear signs from both of then that they like each other, I don't thing they are getting it. There understanding level is clearly marred with their issues, sand with being a second choice and ray with everything.

But they have shown that they can communicate. So why are they not communicating now. Because sand has put up the boundary of FWB. No amount of mooning and looking sad is going to tell ray that he wants to be boyfriends. He has to be explicitly told and sand has to do that.

Ray should also be clear with want he wants. Verbally. But both of them are not in a place of mind to do that. And that is surprising, because we could have expected that from the put together one. Expect sand is dealing with his issues and is unwilling to try , because of the threat of heartbreak and is letting his emotions get the better of him.

On the contrary, in rp 5 , ray seems more calm. He is actually trying, he's connecting with sand with doing the things that he loves. He's falling for sand and I think he does know.

Even after being drunk and high he has the werewithal to open up a conversation, he gave the chance to sand to try. But sand rejected it. That was a big chance and if sand had taken that chance, they could have talked about their current situation. That's what's so heartbreaking about it, because the possibility was there. I mean look at him here.

He clearly wanted him to talk to him.

Expect sand didn't take it, his problems prevented him from doing it, his emotions which were going overbroad prevented him from thinking rationally.

And ray took that rejection, personally. We can easily infer what went through his mind from what we already know ," I am a burden, I am a jinx". "I have tried my best but it's not working, So why should I try more", aka the devastating happy birthday.

Ray was rational at that moment, and dare I say mature, especially considering the scene that happened just before that. Ray was able to think above his emotions and give a rational way out of that predicament. But sand rejection triggered his trauma and he went back to square one.

There was a beautiful post about different types of understanding in this series. That's what is happening here, different types of understanding. But I can't find that post.

At that point both needed to understand the other but there individual issues left them unable to do it. And it's not anyone's fault. It's not a blame game. It's the reality of trauma situations.

How trauma and mental health issues can create problems, can make situations seem bigger then they actually are. How it made two people who are compatible with each other be reluctant to go further.

They can be the perfect couple the audience want them to be. But at this point of time , they are the right person at the wrong time archetype.

And they will remain if they don't communicate. Let's hope by the end of the messiness they both have some clarity on how to go further. And give the audience an emotionally charged story.

[aita-blorbos]

my friends directed me to this blog to see what people would think about my situation. theyre fully supportive, but wanna see what tumblr thinks, i guess.

aita for killing the person who murdered my family, and then killing my rich abusive adoptive father?

hi. im like, 19. or 20. i lost count. i dont care about gender, but i guess im male and use he/him. anyway. when i was around 10, there was a break and enter into my house. we were getting robbed. the robber killed my mom and dad, while i snuck into the kitchen do grab a kitchen knife. i stabbed him in the back and took his gun while he was stunned. i was scared to use it, so instead i just kept stabbing him until he stopped breathing. great childhood, i know.

anyway, after that, i was all alone. i didnt know where my brother went, and my parents were dead. we didnt really have an extensive family, so there were no funerals, and there was no one to take care of me. so for a while i just roamed the streets. some random guy saw me, and seeing a kid covered in blood probably isnt the most normal thing, so he ran up to ask if i was ok. he brought me to an orphanage, where i stayed for a while. eventually, my second "dad" (i dont even want to call him that. hes a disgrace compared to my real father, even calling him a parent feels disrespectful) came to the orphanage to adopt a kid. said kid was me. i was happy, cause id finally have a home again, and he was rich! i would be spoiled, and given a wonderful life for the trauma i had to go through.

i was wrong, though. the guy who adopted me was a prick. he was a rich scumbag who only thought about others if it meant he could say bad things about them. he was negligent, and would sometimes hit me. he got drunk all the time, and usually i was left alone in his huge house, only having the occasional housemaid to care for me. whenever i see pictures of the interiors of huge houses or mansions it gives me chills. anyway, after all this bullshit, i finally thought enough was enough. i still carried a few knives on me ever since the incident, in case something bad happened again. at night when no one except the two of us were in the house, i stabbed him in the heart while he was sleeping. i took all his money, and figured if worst comes to worst, i could pay my way out of being punished for murder. fortunately, that wasnt even necessary. when i called 911 pretending like i had no idea what happened, none of the officers even touched me. no one had a clue i had the weapon. it was eventually ruled down to a robber that got away, ironically enough.

after all this, i inherited all of his shit. all the money, the whole house, and all his stupid rich guy bullshit (think yachts, fancy cars). it was all mine. i turned the house into a housing unit, letting anyone who wanted to to live in it (like the homeless or people who needed to get away from an abusive household), given how huge it was. seriously, it felt like a palace in a disney movie. i sold all the shit he had that i didnt care about, or gave it away for free to others. i donate frequently to charity. i make sure i dont keep too much money for myself at a time, and i dont buy stupid things that i dont actually need. i dont want to become like him.

alright, so heres the final question. i know some people think murder is unacceptable, no matter how evil the victim is, that my parents may be watching me from the stars with hatred, and that rich peolle are assholes. but im trying my best to be a good person.

am i the asshole?

[sneefsnorf]

films i think should have won best animated feature: 2001 - shrek deserved the w its a fun movie 2002 - again the winner was so deserved. spirited away is a masterpiece 2003 - i havent actually seen triplets of belleville but it looks soooo fucking good. but because i havent seen it i cant say it deserved it over finding nemo, which is indeed a very good movie. maybe this will change 2004 - the incredibles is such a good fucking movie obviously. shrek 2 is amazing but nowhere near the overall quality of the incredibles 2005 - now i love wallace and gromit with all my heart but miyazaki was robbed. still curse of the wererabbit is so much fun and its cool to see stop motion win 2006 - this year was dismal for animated films. i really dont care about monster house, cars or happy feet. honestly flushed away should have been nominated and won. i've also heard good things about paprika but i havent seen it so i'll hold my judgement 2007 - listen i loooooove ratatouille but is it better than persepolis? .......... no sorry. persepolis is the winner in my heart. but im not mad about ratatouille winning 2008 - what can i say we all know wall-e is a beautiful love story between a butch and a femme robot. deserved 2009 - fantastic mr fox was robbed sorry up fans 2010 - i havent watched the illusionist so again i cant say that deserved the oscar. i CAN say that httyd deserved it over toy story 3. ive never cared for the toy story franchise much 2011 - rango is a crazy weird movie but i think it is probably better than kung fu panda two. just a bit. there's something so interesting about the animation style. a cat in paris sounds fun as hell though 2012 - this year's nominees were also pretty weak. rise of the guardians was robbed. i guess of the actual nominees brave is probably my fave 2013 - who in their right mind voted for frozen over the wind rises. i just want to talk 2014 - song of the sea is a beautiful beautiful movie which is much better and more visually breathtaking than big hero 6. i have also heard incredible things about princess kaguya and i wouldnt be suprised if that was the more deserving movie. LEGO MOVIE WAS SNUBBED THOUGH I CANT BELIEVE THEY FUCKING LEFT OUT THE LEGO MOVIE. LEGO MOVIE SWEEP 4EVA 2015 - ive only seen the winner, inside out, which is a great movie, but i wouldnt be suprised if anomalisa or when marnie was there was better 2016 - ive always found zootopia's message pretty muddy even though its fun. my life as a courgette was robbed af. it is such a beautiful, heartfelt movie and the way it deals with horrific childhood trauma in such a sensitive and hopeful way. go watch my life as a courgette NOW 2017 - coco is a lovely movie but the breadwinner made me feel emotions i never want to experience again in the best way possible. cartoon saloon's visual style is one of the best out there and it needs more recognition 2018 - we all know into the spiderverse is one of the best animated movies of all time and none of the other nominees were even in the same ballpark. its laughable that ralph breaks the internet was even allowed to be in the same space as this masterpiece. 2019 - again i dont really care for toy story but i reeeeaaally didnt care for httyd3 or missing link. i havent seen ive lost my body so i cant say thats better, but i am looking forward to watching it. i would honestly say that klaus is the best one here, the style is so visually inventive and this take on santa claus is really great

2020 - listen soul is fun but it would have been so much better without all the little blue blobs. like the existential jazz shit was a 10/10 they should have just made a slice of life movie out of that. not an oscar winner imo. ESPEIALLY NOT compared to wolfwalkers. obviously im biased towards everything cartoon saloon but this movie is a culmination of their years-long efforts and a combination of what makes their movies great. im biased because im irish but the folklore balanced with the soul-crushing message on colonialism is just perfect storytelling. the animation is some of the best ive ever seen from 2d and oliver cromwell dies violently. literally the perfect movie it should have won over the usual "lets vote for pixar" 2021 - encanto is funsies but i have a soft spot for the mitchells vs the machines and think that should have won. luca is also pretty good. i havent seen flee but the idea of an animated documentary is so innovative so that probably also could have deserved it. im not mad that encanto won though. 2022 - i havent seen director man's pinnochio but ive heard its good so i cant dispute its win. but marel the shell with shoes on is my favourite from 22 2023 - honestly all the nominees except elemental are 10/10s but the competition was really only between spiderverse and boy and the heron. my personal fav out of the 2 is spiderverse but i totally understand why miyazaki won and im glad he's getting recognition from the academy again. i wanna see more love for robot dreams though. and of course nimona is bombastic. fuck disney 4eva

ok thats it thank you for reading my rant

[zhongscara]

📿for rizzler,💄+👗 for scara, like do u think he likes dressing up? bc i think on one hand hes very attention seeking and likes feeling superior\wanted, but hes also self-hating and "dont look at me", curious what u as scara scholar think on this. 🚬 for zhongli

rizzness - 📿 faith-themed headcanon

oh wow right to the gut... i don't think he believes in gods in any way. he explicitly doesn't believe in the prophecy, and while he respects furina, he doesn't treat her as a god (or even a celebrity) like the rest of fontaine does before the trial. i think his childhood trauma really dashed any beliefs he could have been taught/couldve had. and then furina as god walking out of his trial and him interpreting it as her finding his trial "boring" didn't help matters either.

for where he is now, i think he's like. well the gods exist, but they're not going to help me in any way, so i should help myself and others like me. he worries about the people of meropide and on the surface, and the main quest shows us that he'd rather take things in his own hands than relying on the archon.

i do think he trusts in neuvi more than he trusts in any gods and he likely figured out neuvi wasnt just some immortal a long time ago etx, but he's still staunchly independent and his deep respect for neuvi doesn't translate to like. religious faith as we know it in teyvat. especially because neuvi is someone he can actually communicate with and talk to compared to how distant archons are portrayed.

scara - 💄 makeup +👗 clothes-themed headcanon

i agree that he's torn between the two extremes of wanting attention and hating when people look at him ("you dare gaze upon me" etc).

for me, he was definitely the one who picked out his fatui and wanderer outfits (like they do say and show that he was the one who chose to start wearing a big hat after his villain origin story), which shows that he's very particular about his outfits and prefers to dress in familiar clothes aka inazuman inspired fashion. (compare dottore, who is from sumeru, but is wearing something nobody in sumeru is shown wearing.)

for the fatui outfit, this is really interesting because his big hat + sort of veil references uchikatsugi, which was worn by noble women to protect from the elements and also to protect their anonymity/purity.

from Melissa Rose Chasse on flickr

so in a sense, it's like. he wants to show off his status, while also hiding himself from others. so for me, he goes out of his way to pick out beautiful, high-quality clothes for himself, and then remembers "oh fuck people are going to look at me because i'll stand out" so he tries to obscure his face in any way.

as wanderer, he (originally) doesn't have that trauma/complex, so the uchikatsugi influence is more like. thin banners behind his head, versus the wider covering in his fatui outfit

wow i'm rambling so much JSHDGKHSDJKGHSKJG. one of these days i'll make a longer post about scaras fashion etc.

as for makeup, i like to think his eye makeup was actually painted on. either by ei, as a rare moment of her caring, or by someone in tatarasuna, as like. actual proof of people caring about him. since he's still technically a doll/puppet, he doesn't really see the point in putting on other makeup. (this also means in like modern aus i think he's one of those people with annoyingly clear skin who only puts on eyeliner, if anything LMFAOOOO)

zhongli - 🚬 headcanon about a bad habit

funny that the emoji used in theme is a cigarette bc i just knoooooow zhongli is on that opium/nicotine to relax JKSHGKLSDHGJKSHGSJ. while he has the image of a proper gentleman and doesn't like doing things in excess, i think he deserves a smoke break. maybe he's even tried naku weed idk i don't smoke myself bc of asthma lmfao. he's also a "collector" but more like. he buys random things and justifies it to himself and others with some long-winded explanation and then goes home and puts it on a shelf overflowing with other random ass things he barely uses. he's always impulsively buying some trinket smh

[onthegreatsea]

i rewatched some of naruto via a fan edit recently.

its supposed to make it better... and it does remove the terrible 'jokes' that made me cringe even at 14 and generally improve the pacing.

but tbh its still terrible cuz fundamentally the story kishimoto wrote is bad

if i'd been a smarter kid i wouldve realised it wasnt going to go well when it kept having those world building info dumps (with diagrams!) that bring the narrative to a screeching halt. esp considering these are kids who should know like… basic geography.

(au where after naruto saves iruka he still doesnt graduate because he knows absolutely jack shit, displayed a complete lack of judgement, is completely unqualified for the role and! stole state secrets! lol)

despite that there is enough there that i can see why i got so invested in it. and why the wave was my fave arc. and also why i started to lose interest near the end of the chunin exams.

idk a story about child soldiers being taught by ex-child soldiers is interesting to me. a story where the world seemed to be driven by politics between nations who functionally use their child-soldier-villages like nuclear deterrents. villages driven by clan politics and eugenics in a desire to make the ultimate murder machine.

a world where you no matter how many dragons made of water u can summon, u can still be taken down by smart tactics and academy level techniques. a world where someone who can shoot fire from their mouth at will is a bit player compared to the guys whose power comes from money and politics.

did i mention the eugenic shit going on with blood line techniques? man that coulda been INTERESTING. shit. like i really thought it was gunna explore the trauma that all this shit involves esp when such a big deal was made of narutos childhood. but kishimoto doesnt really care about that.

and i still cant believe he made itachi a good guy. what the fuck dude. he murdered an entire clan of people!! entire families. children. babies. and then he horrifically tortured his brother. twice! dfsdfsdfs but its ok. because………….. listen. its ok now :) dw about it. <- (that was when i peaced out of the manga) i rly thought after haku naruto was genuinely going to start questioning shit. i mean i thought his whole revelation there was 'we are just tools to be used and discarded and thats awful' and not 'child soldiering is only bad when u dont treat them niceys :(' especially when the chunin arc has the hokage go 'i dont care if u die horrfically during this, im just trying to promote our assassination business lol' <- *kishimoto voice* dont think too hard about this

[charmedreincarnation]

Does improving sc changes our desires ?/

What if we dont want that. For ex I like certain kind of men , uk my type. But I also feel that getting my sc perfect might make me not like them.as much. Also I have heard healing childhood trauma affects these (?). But the thing is I ENJOY these things obviously coz I like them😅 and I dont want to lose interest in them uk what I mean.

Similarly there are more things related to my hobbies I fear the same.

My Confusion: to combat these anxious thoughts I say "I will always like so and so and always enjoy". But then I also notice some contradiction come up with things like "am I robbing myself or something by giving myself these and not something extraordinary" or "am I wrongly forcing myself to like these" when I know very well I am not or "what if I change in future but by saying affs like these I keep myself from experiencing something else" and tbh I dont even want to experience that something else. Or the most sensible one yet something I dont want idk why "if I even start liking something else I will enjoy it just like I enjoy what I do now".

So am I really doing something wrong for making me like these forever?! Even if thats what I want FOR NOW.

2. Another Very important question I have.

We know about the law and ANYTHING is possible. So manifesting simple things feel mediocre. Uk what I mean. Its like I am WASTING my power. Its like I see people here waking up in villas, shifting realities, going back in time and wjat not. And here I am wanting to lead a lovrly and happy "human" life. And being mediocre. So I feel this "guilt" of "wasting" my power. I dont know how much of it made sense to you. But I would love your opinion here!!

Does improving sc change our desires ?/

Not unless you want it to. You already answered your own question by stating anything is possible, so why would keeping your own desires be impossible

As for the second part I am very confused. Don’t compare what you want to what other people want. Unless you’re planning to live for other people and be in their shadows.. you definitely need to work on your self concept love 💗. Not trying to be rude but you’re even doubting that your desires that you have intrinsically are minuscule when they’re literally your desires. There’s no way to measure what desires are big or small, your desires are important and great because they’re your desires. It doesn’t matter if you use manifestation to manifest 10 dollars or 10 billion they’re all on the same level of equivalency. If they make you happy i don’t get what the debate is. I’m not sure is you don’t think you deserve it or what, but find your issue, reflect, and try to get over that boulder bc it will definitely help you on your journey :)!

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Scorpios : Vulnerability & The Hidden Force Inside Them

Scorpios have this polarizing power in them that not many can describe but it can be felt. this is why people are 'intimidated' by them because these people are very aware of themselves and the powers they hold in their bodies. Even if a Scorpio isn't fully aware of how to use it or may even be scared of its own potential the people they encounter can feel it from a mile away.

This is scary for some scorpios though, they may not admit that but some have a hard time expressing it due to childhood traumas and being seen as different from their peers because of this power they tend to hold it in a treasure box and lock away the key for what seems like forever.

As they grow, if they never allow the power to surface it could show in illness, mental health issues, poor appetite and self-hate. They almost want to 'die' but at some point they would already feel 'dead' before it actually comes. if they never allow themselves to fully express their power they would wither away and truly die.

Im not dramatic here, they are the butterflies, the snakes, and the scorpions of the zodiac. What happens if the butterfly is too scared to leave the cocoon? it dies. What happens if the snake doesnt go through its shedding phase? it dies.

You die, when you decide that transforming is too much, too painful for you. All that fear you let wallow inside and youre too scared to see the other side? You literally come from there.

Scorpios are hyper aware of the spiritual realm and what lingers in this physical realm we live in. We all refer to them as 'psychic' however scorpios have always been connected to with themselves to know when someone is off, seeing things before it happens, and having a understanding of the human psyche helps them with this psychic abilities. I put quotes around psychic because most scorpios will tell you their not 'psychic' their just able to see what all of you choose to ignore. whats 'hidden' is open in plain sight. you just have to know what youre looking for.

Scorpios get around to holding secrets from a young age due to learning why we do what we do. you may have seen a 5 year old express to you something that they shouldn't have known in the first place. but their abilities to see into the unknown gets them there. thats what makes them 'scary'.

I used a 5 year old as an example because most scorpios did live this life, you knew waaaaaaay to much at this age and as you grew you started to wonder what the human minds are capable of holding, you've learn to 'study' people. So much so that if you knew if someone would try to study you, you'd hold back and make sure they cant enter into your mind-body-soul like you can with them. I mean, you've been mastering this at an early age. you know the ropes around it. you know how vulnerable it is to see someone way into their unconscious mind. because thats what you do.

I refer to Scorpios as the walking shadow because man, you do the shadow work even when people are in front of you. they just dont see you. That invisible force they carry in them is what magnetizes people to them. Its like "what is that? I feel it but I dont see it... im not sure if its good or bad but I might want to find out" <<<<< this is the vibe people have with you almost all your life. At some point you find out this is so people could mimic, steal or try to categorize you but they dont know what it takes to even BE you. they didnt go through the ropes to find yourself the way you did. they didnt go through the pain, trauma, fear, sadness, psychotic breakdowns and darkness that you went through just to evolve and get here.

They dont understand what it takes to go into your subconscious and continue to heal wounds that you yourself didn't put there. it takes a lot to be you. nobody can compare.

What I will say with you guys though, is that you have to stop hiding the main parts of you that make up most of your power.

Yes I know its scary. Not for you but too others, because they dont understand themselves so they won't be able to understand the power you possess. thats not your problem.

we need the healing that comes from your snake like aura. Did I mention snakes are healing too? there bite isn't just venomous, they can also be very healing for others given the right antidote.

That special 'thing' you locked away needs to be heard, seen, and flourishing. We need you. Vulnerability is not always easy, but its the part of our healing stage that makes us stronger !