#we don't see this kind of edits anymore do we

[butyoudidthis4what]

Would You Believe Me If...

Jack Abbot x F!Reader

3.5k || All my content is 18+ MDNI || CWs: mentions of alcohol; reference to sex; mental health issues; reader is not having a great time; reader doesn't like beer; depression; being sad for no articulable reason; self-hate; ass grab; kissing with tongue; little to no editing/proofreading; Jack being the BEST; hurt/comfort type situation (reader's brain is the hurt, Jack is the comfort)

Summary: Jack sees the sadness you're hiding from everyone and pulls you aside to talk and love on you.

AN: I was sent this ask and inspired to write whatever this is!!!! A short little fluffy comfort fic! I very much agree with that anon that Jack is very much an "On purpose. On purpose I am going to care about you" and "I never loved you on accident?" man. He would see all of you, good and bad, and still love you. I tried to give him that kind of vibe in You're Okay too and we see it here again (I hope, I don't really know what I'm doing anymore). I have absolutely zero fucking clue what the end is or where that came from but here we are friends. ALSO there is a very small Star Wars nod in here since I’m posting on May 4th! Thank you for reading!!

Jack’s eyes find you the second he hears you laugh. 

Quite literally a second because he’s always keeping an eye on you when you’re out together, not controlling or because he cares who you’re with. He just always wants to know where you are relative to him, just in case something happens and he needs to get to you. Military training, he supposes.

His eyes find you because he knows that laugh. It’s not your real laugh. It’s fake, the one you put on when you’re not super present and are hiding your sadness. To anyone else it’s very convincing, they don’t blink at it. 

He narrows his eyes a little to watch you better as you chat with McKay, Samira and Parker. Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes and he can see your leg bouncing under the picnic table, can see the way you chew on the side of your cheek every so often. 

“You gonna pay attention to this conversation or just stare at your girl all day?” Robby asks Jack. Most of the crew is at a local park for a picnic celebrating Dana’s birthday.

“I’ve been paying attention and heard everything you said. Unlike you I can multitask.” Jack finally lets his eyes leave you as he turns to look back at Robby. Shen and Whitaker stifle laughs. Everyone knows it’s not true and just Jack giving Robby shit. You have to be able to multitask to be a good emergentologist, and Robby is one of the best, Jack’s told him that many times. 

“I agree though,” Jack nods at Robby. “The patient satisfaction scores are bullshit. They should automatically be a ten or whatever the highest thing on the fucking form is if they’re brough in via ambulance and survive.”

“People come in by ambulance for really stupid things that don’t really require us saving them,” Whitaker observes. 

“And people walk in with injuries they really should have come in an ambulance for,” Robby shrugs. “It would even itself out.” 

“Exactly,” Jack nods. He looks back over at you for a second and then stands up. “I’ll be back.”

“Sure you will,” Robby drawls, smirking. 

Jack ignores him as he starts walking over to you. “Hey,” he says to the group as he reaches you, sets his hands on your shoulders from behind and squeezes. You feel a little better already, just from being closer to him. The rest of the group continues chatting as he leans down to speak just to you. “Take a walk with me for a few minutes?”

You furrow your brows, tilt your head and look back a little to see him. “Um, sure. Is there a reason why? Are you sure? It seemed like you guys were having a good conversation.” You flick your head towards Robby, Shen and Whitaker. 

“I’m sure. And does there need to be a reason why I want to take a walk with my girl?” He turns his head a little more and places a soft kiss just below your ear. 

My girl. Even though you’ve been together for a while now it still makes you a little dizzy to hear. 

“No, I guess not.” You give him one of those fake smiles and he knows it’s not because you’re trying to fool him, not really, deep down you know better than to even try by this point, but because you’re in public. Have to keep up appearances. 

“Well I know not, so.” He leans back up and moves his hands from your shoulders. “I’m stealing her for a minute.” He nods at the group. It pulls some smirks but nobody says anything, they all just nod. As you get up Jack finishes off the little bit of cider left in the bottle you were nursing. 

Once you’re up Jack laces his hand with yours and leads you over to the park’s path, walks down it a ways with you in silence before pulling you off it. He walks with you on the grass until you come to a spot where the ground starts to slope down, the top of a little hill that provides a nice view of the sun setting over the city. You’re more than far away enough that nobody can hear or see you.

“What’s up?” You titter a little, clearly a bit nervous. 

Jack nods at the ground and you both sit, feet out in front of you, grass and soil dry from the heat of the day. “You were totally spaced out and not really there.” He eyes you carefully. “You’re back now, for the most part, but I wanted to see what’s up away from everyone.” 

You push your bottom lip out a little and shrug, shake your head. “I’m f-” Jack gives you a look. “I don’t even know why I bother trying,” you mutter. 

“Neither do I. But I get it. Wanting to hide it and not let me see because you know I don’t like seeing you upset. I feel the same.” He squeezes your leg gently and doesn’t press when you’re quiet for a bit as you think of what you want to say. 

“Would you believe me if I said I didn’t know?” you murmur. You already know the answer but you’re using the question as an answer itself.

“Yeah.” Jack pauses and cocks his head at you, catches your eyes and holds your gaze as he speaks. “Would you believe me if I told you it was okay not to know?” He already knows the answer but he’s using the question to tell you it’s okay. 

You let out a breath through your nose and shake your head a little as you look away from him and out at the city, Jack doing the same. “I know it is. Rationally. But the irrational side of my brain doesn’t.”

You see Jack nod out of the corner of your eye. He gives you space to think, sits in the background buzz of the park with you, hand running up and down your thigh to ground you, remind you he’s here. 

“I’m just sad.” You shrug. You aren’t teary, don’t even have the urge to cry at the moment. It’s a hollow sadness. One that just vaguely aches and makes you tired. “There’s no reason for it. Just am.” 

“Would you believe me if I told you that’s okay too?” Again, he knows the answer but uses the question to make the point. 

“Is it though Jack?” You reply quickly. It surprises him, catches him off guard. 

He turns back to study your face, see if he can read what this is from your profile. He has a feeling he knows where this is going. 

“It doesn’t feel okay,” you continue. “Not even for me, but for you. It’s not fair to you. For me to just randomly be sad sometimes and unable to explain why. Because fuck Jack, I just want to sit here and be sad. I just want to sit here and be sad and maybe cry if I can get past whatever fucking emotional brick it is that’s stopping me from doing so. But what I don’t want is for you to have to sit here with me in it.” 

Jack lets your words hang in the air for a few seconds so that you know he’s really listening and taking them in, but not so long that it feels like he’s having to think of a response.

“It is okay. I promise you it is.” As much as he loves eye contact he knows it would be a little too much for you right now so he doesn’t push you to look at him or try to catch your gaze. “And it’s okay for us to just sit here. We can just sit in the sad. I hate seeing you be sad and struggle, yes. But sometimes you just need to sit here and feel it. And I want to be there next to you when you do. You don’t have to be okay and happy all of the time. You’re allowed to just sit here and be sad or whatever emotion you want to be. You don’t constantly have to be working towards being better when you get sad like this. We can stay here for a bit. I’m not going to let you or us unpack and move here, but we can visit sometimes. You can feel whatever it is you need to feel in front of me and with me. I want you to.”  

You let out a shaky breath. You know that what he’s saying is true. At least part of you does. But it’s so hard to accept. 

“And there are very few things in life that I have to do anymore, sweetheart.” He gives your leg a little squeeze before resuming running his hand up and down it. “You’re not holding me hostage or keeping me here against my will. I know I don’t have to sit here with you while you’re sad and don’t know why. I don’t feel like I have to. I choose to. I choose to sit next to you here in the sadness the way you do for me when I want to sit and be sad and not know why. I choose you.” 

“You should choose better.” It’s whispered. “You deserve better.” 

Jack starts shaking his head before you even finish the word better. 

“Yes, Jack, you do,” you say before he can get anything out. “Because you’ve been through so much already. You deserve to be with someone better. Someone easier to love who isn’t constantly putting you through shit like this. I know you love me, Jack, I promise. I never doubt that. But sometimes I don’t understand why you love me. Why you love me when I can be so fucking awful and all over the place and sad randomly for no reason. Do you see that Jack? Do you really see me? What you put yourself through by loving me?” 

Jack’s hand stills and squeezes your thigh again, longer this time, but still at the perfect pressure. He hurts, physically, his heart hurts seeing you like this, hearing your voice and knowing how much you mean what you’re saying. He hates it. He wishes he could take away your pain. But he can’t. All he can do is try to help and try to make you feel a little better and at the very least not let you be alone in it. 

He adjusts his position so that he’s turned toward you a bit more, the side of one of your legs and one of his pressed together. 

“Darling, the way you see and feel about yourself is not the way I see or feel about you. Just like the way I see myself and feel about myself is not the way you see or feel about me. We’re our own worst critics, as fucking cliché as that shit is. And I love you and mean this with all the love in the world, but you’re right. You can be awful at times. But the only person you’re ever awful to is yourself. Like you are right now.” You can feel tears start to form behind your eyes at that. Not because it’s mean and his words have hurt you. Because he’s right and you know it. 

He takes in a deep breath and looks out at the city for a moment before his gaze returns to you. “I don’t put myself through anything by loving you. I’m not burdened by loving you. And of course I see you, I always have,” he says with a heavy conviction. “You think I fell in love with you by accident? Or blindly? With my eyes closed?” 

You swallow thickly, can feel his eyes on you. “No.” Tears sting at your eyes now. “But still. You shouldn’t have to do this with me. I shouldn’t be work. But I am.”  

“Oh honey,” Jack breathes out softly. He takes a second and then shifts, sits a bit further up and grabs your legs, pulls them diagonal a bit and you a little closer so they can rest on top of his and you can look at each other better.   

“I need you to listen to me, yeah? Really listen.” Jack holds your face with his hands, thumbs brushing over your cheekbones for a second while he looks you in the eyes. “Loving you is not the chore that your past has made you think it is.” He squeezes your face a little. “It’s not a chore at all. It’s a fucking privilege.” 

That gets a few tears to slide down your face and Jack’s thumbs are quick to wipe them away.

“And I know you can’t see that, and that you might never be able to see that. But it’s okay, because I do. And I will tell you it over and over and over and over until you understand why Robby tells me nicely to shut the fuck up sometimes.” He gives you the smallest knowing smirk.

You laugh at that, and it’s watery, and through your tears, but it’s real. You love the way he does that. Knows when to instill just enough lightness into this serious of a conversation to keep you grounded and from getting completely overwhelmed, but also knows when it’s not appropriate in a serious conversation. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper through some tears and shrug at him. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Jack whispers back. He leans in and kisses your forehead, lets his lips linger there before pulling them away and resting his forehead against yours.

“You have to repeat this speech a lot.”

“I know.” He says it so matter of fact as he pulls his forehead from yours to look at you better. His hands leave your face and take yours in his, fingers tangling together.

“It makes me feel really bad. Like it’s going to push you away. Or like you’re going to think I don’t trust you or your love or-”

“I don’t think that, nor will I. I understand, baby. I really do. Because I feel the same way sometimes. I don’t care that you need reassurance at times. It doesn’t make me feel like you’re questioning me, or my love, or our love. It doesn’t make me feel like I’m the problem or somehow doing something wrong or not doing enough or anything else. It makes me feel like sometimes your brain’s chemicals get a little fucked up. And you know what? So do mine. I think we’ve had this conversation at least a time or two with the roles reversed. I think you have to repeat a version of the speech I’m giving you right now a lot. And do you care?”

You shake your head gently. “No. I would give you it every day if you needed me to.” 

“Guess what?” he whispers.

“So would you?” You give him a little pout and big doe eyes that show how much you love him and it’s so adorable he has to smile a little.

“Yeah. So would I.”  

He leans back in but this time he gives you a kiss on the lips, lingers just long enough before he breaks it and nuzzles his nose against yours. You keep your eyes closed as he pulls away, a little smile on your face. You open your eyes just in time to see the nearly beaming smile it pulls from Jack. 

The two of you sit there for a few more minutes before you finally turn to look at him. “We should go back.” 

“Yeah?” He raises his eyebrows at you. “We can stay longer.” 

You shake your head. “No, I’m ready.” Jack nods, gently moves your legs off his and stands up before holding both hands out to help you up. 

Instead of taking your hand and starting to walk back though he slips his arms around you, slides his hands in your back pockets and pulls you right up against him by your ass. He raises his eyebrows and smirks a little, a slight bobble of his head when it makes you gasp in surprise. 

His hands leave your pockets and slide up so that they’re wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him. You rest your hands on his chest, look up at him knowing he wants your eye contact. Jack smiles when you give it to him. 

“I see you. I see all of you. Even the parts you don’t want me to see. The parts you’ll never show anyone else. And I did before I fell in love with you. And I still chose to jump head fucking first into being in love with you and even right now, sitting here in the sad with you, I’d make the same choice without a second thought.” One of his hands comes to hold your jaw, thumb on one side of your chin, his other four fingers on the other side, index finger right in front of your ear and the other three just below your ear and on your neck. “I choose you. All of you. Not just the you that you like and think is good enough. I choose all of you because I love all of you and I know that all of you is more than good enough. I choose you and I will always choose you and I know I’m lucky to get to make that choice. I love you.”

Jack kisses you then, hand tightening just a little to hold you still for him. They’re chaste at first but turn deeper, his tongue running over one of your lips, a silent question. You let your hands run up his chest and over his shoulders before sliding your fingers into his hair, playing with the curls at the nape of his neck and open your mouth for him in silent answer, just enough for him to slip his tongue in and taste you, let you taste him. The taste of you pulls a groan from deep in Jack’s chest and you shiver. You only pull back when you’re desperate for air and Jack chases your lips with his. It makes you giggle.

You can feel him smile against your lips as he rests his forehead against yours again.

“Thank you,” you murmur. “And I choose you too. I love you.”

“I know.” You feel him smile a little wider against your lips before he gives you another kiss. 

You bite your lip as he pulls away, let your eyes open back up slowly to his grin. Jack grabs your hand and leads you back towards the path.

It hits you a few steps in. “You taste like cider.”

“Yeah,” Jack nods.

“You don’t like cider. You don’t drink it.”

“Yeah,” Jack shrugs slightly. “But I was drinking beer and you hate the taste of beer. And I knew I was going to kiss you like that so when you got up from the table I finished off your cider so you wouldn’t taste the beer on me.”

You beam up at him and he just smiles, can feel your happiness. He knows it hasn’t made it all better, that you might still be sad overall, that it might linger for a while.

You walk in a comfortable silence for a minute until you break it. 

“They’re going to think we fucked, probably.” You smirk a little at Jack. 

“You wanna play into it?” He’s so unfazed and stoic about it. So Jack. “I can go grab some little twigs to put in your hair, a leaf, some grass.” 

You burst out laughing. Properly. Fully. Real.

“Twigs?!” For some reason him saying the word twigs is hysterical to you. 

“There’s my favorite sound,” Jack laughs with you. “Well, one of them, anyway.” 

“Oh?” You glance up at him as your laughter trails off. 

“You would have been making another one of my favorite sounds if we had in fact fucked,” he says nonchalantly, swinging your hands a little.

“Oh,” you breathe. You can feel the smirk radiating off him. “Do you have more favorite sounds?”

“Course.” You see him nod out of the corner of your eye. “You saying my name. You saying you love me.” He squeezes your hand. “And the sound of your heartbeat when I rest my head on your chest.” 

You bite your lip at that. It’s so sweet it almost makes your heart ache. “Awwwww!” You squeeze his hand and lean into him. “You’re such a romantic, pookie.” 

“Ha!” The pet name catches him by surprise. “No.” Jack shakes his head at it, but his smile gives him away.

“Pookie is cute!”

“Do you understand the actual level of shit I would get from Robby if he ever heard you call me pookie? I’d have to get a new best friend and a new job.” You giggle at him. “You’re laughing but I’m serious.” 

“I’ll go into work with you one day this week and conspire with Myrna to come up with an even better nickname than fruitcake for Robby if you’ll let me call you pookie sometimes.”

Jack stops walking and looks down at you, pretends to eye you up for a second before giving you a little smirk. “Come up with something really good that’ll drive him up a wall and I’ll consider it.”  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm so sorry but the thought of hearing him say twig just sent me at the time I wrote this. I have no idea why. Anyway, I hope this was okay and you enjoyed and thank you so much for reading!!

You can find my Masterlist here for more Jack! Requests are closed while I catch up, but apparently if you just send in an ask with your thoughts about Jack I may be inspired and write something! I love chatting with you guys and likes/reblogs/replies are super appreciated and motivating!

Tag list: @loveyhoneydovey @love-affair-with-fandoms @mstrsgoodgrl0628 @equallyshaw @kmc1989 @artsymaddie @moonshooter @whiskeyhowlett-writes @smallcarbigwheels @hawkswildfireheart @blackwidownat2814 @yxtkiwiyxt @viridian-dagger @andabuttonnose @beebeechaos @pear-1206 @starkgaryan @travelingmypassion @marvelcasey05 @daydreamingallthetime-world @millenialcatlady @nursejuju86 @escapefromrealitysm @emilia527 @satanxklaus @frazie99 @kastleandmurdock @guardiancardigan @zoctopiii @4rosabellaa @adissapointmentlol @nowandajenn @dantemorenatalie @book-of-roses @redzscare @concentratedconcrete @freshbearbouquetblr @qardasngan @practicalghost @wolviehugh @athena1504 @iamcryingonceagain @acn87 @moonpascal @lostfleurs @beltzboys2015-blog @pouges-world @tinyharrypotterkpopfriend @roseanddaggerlarry @a-stari-night

[tetrapaec]

From the research I made last night, this would have made numbers in 2013

Sources (X, X, X, X, X)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!

[the-knight-of-the-stars]

Are we gonna talk about how that finale entirely erased any conversation about class divisions or are we too focused on ships?

Are we gonna talk about how Caitlyn for a good chunk of the season willingly enforces violence and opression against the lowest class, no doubt directly causing more deaths and suffering, and she is forgiven by the narrative without any meaningful reflecting?

Her great moment getting together with Vi is right after she JUST had a conversation with Jinx where we see she STILL doesn't recognize any class bias she clearly has, insted making it about HER.

Her and the other enforcers are treated like noble heroes in the final battle, all the blame put on Ambesa. Vi's happy ending is getting into a relationship with the exact type of person who perpetuated all the suffering she endured as a child.

Are we gonna talk about how Jayce never leaves his privilege pedestal, never actually reflects on how he was also enforcing violence to the people of the undercity and living on his bliss of progress at THEIR expense?

Jayce, who got help on every step of the way to get to where he is, who wasn't disabled, who never lived the kind of poverty or class obstacles Viktor did, who never recognized the harm he enabled and was complicit to, HE was the one to tell Viktor "People build their own destiny." and "There is beauty in imperfection" ?????

Not to mention the whole bit where he implies Viktor did all that because he wanted to "eradicate what he thought was weakness"??? Didn't we stablished Viktor wanted to HELP THE PEOPLE FROM THE UNDERCITY TO HAVE BETTER LIFE CONDITIONS?? don't try to gaslight me.

I know this is just a TV show, but I need to remind everyone that what perpetuates opressive, discriminatory and violent systems as long and as deeply as they do is indiference. Is turning your head and enabling others to stay ignorant.

Edit: You guys are misunderstanding me. And I admit it is probably my fault, I wrote this high with emotion I wasn't as eloquent.

Jayce's exact choice of words or his time living in the alternate world is nowhere near my point.

My point is, that the narrative is establishing that the privileged character, is the one that has to show (and is quite literally, textually, always the one to show) the underprivileged character that "he was looking at life the wrong way." Forgetting that Viktor's journey of feeling powerless was greatly influenced by the fact he was poor and from the undercity.

That's what I meant by it erasing the part of the plot about class systems. In the end, the story only requires Jayce to understand Viktor's struggle on a superficial level, but the text never recognizes that it as the product of a deeply rooted SYSTEMIC ISSUE. One Jayce and even Viktor on some level, benefited from and perpetuated.

Understanding Viktor still doesn't give him any moral ground, and nobody ever challenges him on that because the story isn't interested in that anymore.

And the same with Caitlyn. She knows what she did what's wrong, fine, she feels bad. Like I said, she still has a class bias, and no character challenges her on it again because the story derails to magic and fighting and whatnot.

The plot just forgets (or ignores) that layer of the story despite it being so prominent up until now.

And ignoring the class discussion does a disservice to every single character because they were initially built on it. You can see it in how they lose the essence they had on s1.

I know y'all love the characters and want to empathize with all their motivations, okay? But the fundamental issue is that characters also represent things, and more so in a story as political as this one. We also have the right to point out that the show told us they represented something and then abandoned that narrative.

What do I think they could have done differently? If I tell you scene by scene we could be here for an entire year. The gist of it is: I think they should have stuck to the character themes they already had established.

Vi as someone fiercely loyal to the undercity beyond her relationship with Powder/Jinx, and being "cursed" by the role of the older sister. Jayce as someone with good intentions but who is ultimately limited by his blind idealism. Mel as a cunning politician who thinks she is on the right path because she isn't violent like her mother, not realizing she is still perpetuating it. Caitlyn as someone kind and compassionate who realizes the institutions she believed in are fundamentally flawed, and because of the way they are built will never be on the side of kindness. Etc, etc.

None of that gets any meaningful resolution.

I am glad if you liked it, or got something from it, you are entitled to your opinion.

I wanted to say this because I was angry, and still am. Because there was so much incredible potential, and honestly, to me, it feels like the writers chickened out on actually saying something in the end.

That's all I have to say about that.

[maelancoli]

Adding Tension After the Ship Happens

i feel a lot of slow burn ships lose steam after the characters finally get together, whether it's just from sleeping together or them actually engaging in a relationship, so here are some ideas for how to maintain steam.

their problems are not solved now that they've crossed the thresh hold

first things first, the plot itself i'm sure has other details than just their relationship. even the most fluffy of fluff has other things going on than kisses and giggles. don't abandon these details once the relationship truly begins. and if there was any kind of unresolved tension point or previously mentioned ex/trauma/insecurity/fear bring it back! bring things back around that might put a strain on a new, tender relationship. this can either make them have problems or be a way to develop their bonds and *show* it in action. any of these foreshadowing/resurrected points can be added in edits if you didn't start out with them or with retconning if you're writing rp/fanfic. all the writers do it. we see it in tv everyday it's ok if u gotta pull a rabbit from a hat.

their relationship will not be suddenly smooth and solid as if they have been married 20 years

okay they kissed/fucked/agreed to be together. now what? what circumstances kept them from getting there sooner? are those circumstances still present and how will they deal with it as a team? you also don't have to have characters officially together once they've done something physical. there is still discussion to be had and boundaries/expectations to establish. those conversations could be interesting to explore. and, even more-so, this is the perfect point for plot to happen and keep them from being able to have those conversations when they should. you can add angst, you can add miscommunication, you can add anything that tickles your fancy. especially a perfect time to have an ex return to cause some tension and uncertainty if they haven't made it official. they don't know what they are yet and that uncertainty is a delicious point to write it and really give the characters a hard time

utilize the main plot's tension

again, if you're writing more than just a contemporary fluffy romance, the romance should enrich the main plot. the romance as a subplot should be a component which merges with the main storyline and does not take away from it. if you don't want to milk the will-they-won't-they anymore than you already have it's time to build the relationship up in the midst of OUTSIDE conflict. let them disagree about how to resolve problems. let them butt heads. let them be scared and do and say stupid shit because they're scared. let them be worried or angry or frustrated and have to figure out how to balance their newfound vulnerability with who they are and were before that point. let them hurt each other a little so they can come back together stronger.

utilize the characters around them

if it is a plot which is mainly romance filled, then think about the tension from the lives around them. think about their loved ones and how their own issues could influence the plot points the characters have to face together. this could be a time for them to be introduced to loved ones. you could throw in a group trip with silly mishaps and shenanigans. you could even have loved ones try to break them up or doubt the love interest. navigating new relationships while also dealing with friends and family can be a source of plot and tension in and of itself. this can be a point to let love interests reassure each other and prove their salt. it can help them grow closer. it can be the heroic moment for one of them to stick up for the other or prove they're there for them no matter what.

overall if you're struggling with what to do after the slow burn feels like it's sizzling out it's time to zoom out. make sure you are not losing the whole picture of their environment or steamrolling past the real development of new relationships.

[coldsaturn]

hiii! i have a question i thought you might be able to answer: how did aftg originally get so popular? i know it was mostly word of mouth on tumblr (still is, i think) (who says this website is unmarketable!!) but what were the early days of the fandom like? personally i've "only" been here since 2016, and by then the series was already decently popular. i remember at that time that the fandom was really welcoming and kind in a way that felt really exceptional to me, and it definitely contributed to me picking up the books, which is the only explanation i can really think of for why it got a bigger following than some to other books which did receive a whole big-publisher marketing campaign aside from it just being well-written. do you have any theories for why it got so massive on here? and do you know how the first readers found it? i hope you don't mind me asking you this, but i remember your blog from wayyyy back when and thought that if anyone had the answer, it would probably be you :)

Hello! I always get so happy when I can talk about the early days of the fandom <3 Sit down here around the fire, let me tell you about this wondrous tale.

So, story time: it was spring 2013, I had just finished a thorough read of In The Company Of Shadows and I was starving for another black hole. It was automatic for me to look up the goodread lists ICoS was featured in, to see what other titles I could pick up, and ended up on the list called "Online M/M stories that deserve to be published". The Foxhole Court was right there (it's not anymore because it IS published <3), so I read it. That was the start of the end lmao

If I remember correctly I didn't wait too long before reading TRK, but TKM didn't come out until the end of the following year, so in the meantime I all but shelved it as something that had incredible potential but that was possibly doomed to never be completed. Fast forward I think the start of 2015 when I accidentally stumbled upon TKM and I couldn't believe I could finally know how the story ended. Nora had a blogspot where she talked about the books (including updates between TRK and TKM), and I remember trying to get as much info as I could on this series. And that was it. For a bit.

So, by the first half of 2015, the fandom was made by people commenting on her blogspot, on her livejournal, the book pages on goodreads, and Ao3 literally had 2 fics ( webarchive gives you what we saw - btw Don't Speak Against The Sun is FIRE and instantly became a new standard for f/f for me). You can still find all this content online. Tumblr had a handful of scattered posts about TFC, mostly Nora's mutuals/friends on tumblr, and a couple of readers screaming into the void with no one answering their call.

I was pretty active on here, especially in the bellarke fandom, and I engaged with mutuals and other blogs often enough that I knew if I talked about something, at least someone would reply. A mutual was reading The Raven Cycle and got me curious enough to liveblog it myself. Instant love, of course, and if you've read TRC you know how strong the found family vibe is. So at the end of my liveblog (we've reached July 2015) I threw out a comment where I recommended AFTG as another worthy title. With the first book being free while the other two were only a dollar each, it sounded a fairly easy commitment. One mutual decided to read it (if you're reading, hi!!!) and liveblog it, and that got the party started.

A party of 2, and I'm not kidding. While we chatted and made up headcanon after headcanon on the phone, the intention was to get others interested in this story. But they'd never do it if there wasn't enough content around to engage with and motivate them to blog themselves, so we started with quote posts, liveblog reactions, a few timid edits and poems. An important choice was figuring out which tag to use (at the time tumblr search only scrolled through tags, not post content): "all for the game" was an actual sports tag, "the raven king" was the title announced for the next TRC installment, "the king's men" was the last book of the trilogy and it wasn't even the free one, so we settled for "the foxhole court" which was an empty tag. Even now my blog content is organized around "tfc" because of it, even though we took over all the relevant tags. A couple other mutuals I had from bellarke fandom got curious as well, and now we could consider ourselves a proper group. We were so starved for fan content that whatever you put out would be automatically reblogged and enthusiastically engaged with. It was a happy little fandom bubble. Then Nora noticed us and started interacting with us, and you got the birth of what would become the extra content page as she replied to our questions.

I possibly had a little bit too much time on my hands because I appointed myself as fandom archivist and tour guide. I reblogged every single post I saw in the tags, and I started a welcome page where I could keep track of everyone announcing they were reading the series. It was meant as a way to find mutuals to interact with since tumblr hadn't yet "canonized" all the tags, and it was entirely possible to lose each other in dashboard chains. I used to reply to everyone reading the series by "officially" welcoming them into the fandom, linking them the page where they could find mutuals, Nora's blog, and the extra content present up to that point. Oh and there was a fictional exy team where you could choose your position and then put it in your blog for fun or roleplay it. I also used smashword's gift system to buy the series for whoever said they couldn't pay for it, just to try and avoid pirating the book (good for word of mouth, bad for sales). This was on my side, but this fandom had so many people pouring their entire heart out I still get emotional thinking about it.

Everyone (before January 2016) made as much content as they could, be it meta, fanart, fanfics, headcanons, edits, wikia pages etc. We had fandom challenges where we pronounced the names of the characters and aftg keywords with our native accent, others where we said our favorite scene. Every headcanon was the first headcanon ever seen in the fandom. The fun thing was that at the time there was a strong etiquette toward "if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything" so fan content really went in all directions with basically no limits. We tagged for triggers and that was it, we had free reign. For those who were around at the time, the sin squad was a group of us fans churning out the saddest/filthiest/fluffiest/most problematic content we could think of.

Then we reached January 2016. We were around 300 in the fandom at that point (I know because I counted them, literally), it had been slow but constant growth where each new fan brought at least other two people with them, and we had around 20 posts per day in the main tag. Then someone bridged the gap between us and the TRC fandom. If you ask me how the fandom got really popular, that's it. The TRC fandom was stuck in hiatus waiting for The Raven King, and now you had 300 rabid foxes spamming aftg content on tumblr, using trk as tag, too. Popular fanartists that were active in that fandom helped making aftg known, and semi viral posts did the rest. We went from 300 to 700 people in a couple of months, and shortly after I had to stop adding people to the welcome page because the post broke. I didn't even know that could happen. It wasn't long after that we were featured in the tumblr end of year recap for book ships. We were so many it was suddenly possible to meet in real life! Cosplays, tattoos, merch. You name it, someone in the fandom did it.

But how did it feel when we were only 20 people and a cardboard dog cutout? It felt like the most chaotic book club ever, and every new fan was automatically a friend. Nostalgia is a lying bitch, but I really don't think I'm making shit up here. We had fun and made great memories.

By the way, if you want to see how things were in 2015, you can! Just go through my archive starting from July 2015 (I think 17th) and onward. You can also search my blog for the tags "fandom history" and "started from nothing and now we're here", whereas here you can find a list of aftg fandom tags I used.

Tl;dr We were starving for good content, we wanted to have fun together, and we were lucky enough to half-hijack a bigger fandom in hiatus. That was all the marketing AFTG needed on tumblr.

[purpdrawsthings]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

special birthday post 💜

[very long yap incoming 💥]

Edit : this was supposed to be released on midnight yesterday right when it turns 20th in my country but I didn't have time so yeah, kinda upset <=[

IT'S MY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the time I post this my phone will be well, closed and I will be unable to access it since it's past 9 and it'll turn back on at 7 in the morning.

This was made one day before the bday btw I did not prepare 💔

Anyways..

Todays the day I turn ▒▒ years old! Oh. Why would I tell my age? Gotta keep that a secret!

Funny fact, the 20th of April is also the same date as when the prophet of Islam Nabi Muhammad was birthed! Crazy amirite?

But anyways, I've gone through so many things. Both sad and also wonderful. Life sure is full of possibilities isn't it? I'm in a fandom about beans and suddenly I'm in a fandom about a Saturday morning cartoon mario shitpost? Never thought that would happen but it did, somehow.

The thing is, you'll never know what ever happens next! Prepared or not, you'll always be hit with the most unexpected occurrences. And that's the wonder of life! It's what keeps us interested and curious!

It's okay to change. I used to promise to myself that I would always stay in the among us fandom! But look where I am now. I used to think that I was a bad person for doing that, but now I realize that, it's okay! It's not like the end of the world happens when you leave a fandom you've been in for 3 years!

Looking back at old things may be cringe to most, but it's always nice to feel that nostalgia that you haven't felt in a while! It really shows how much you've grown for the past few years!

I used to be really terrible with animation. Like- really ass. But since 2024, my animations have started to become much better! It just takes time and patience. Thing won't always go your way and you shouldn't rush everything! [ Ironic considering that I always rush stuff 💀 ] Taking your time slowly but surely will pay out and you'll have a good result in the end!

Now those few past paragraphs I literally said earlier made no sense whatsoever considering I just talked about life but in a non rearranged order. So I'm sorry for that one 😭

But anyways, all I wanna say is, thank you. For everything. To everyone here! Involved or not, I could NOT be here if it weren't for you all! You can't BELIEVE how much it has impacted me! I sincerely love you all! 💜 <=3

Being in here for less than a year and having this much is crazy! Like I didn't know you guys liked my stuff! I'm just a silly girl who just draws that's all 💜

For the last part, I'd love to say a few words to some people that I love/admire the most 💜 [ the words I'm about to say may be a bit similar to the ones said in the Christmas special so yeah =[ ]

Neptune - You were my first friend, friendo and best friend. We don't interact a whole lot anymore but I just wanna say, you are an amazing person. You were so supportive and amazing! You always made my day back in amino. And I won't ever forget about that. You've improved so much on your art too! I'm glad to see youre improving so much on your art, and to that, thank you Nep. Thank you for being my friendo. 💜

@rr3d2y - My first friend in the SMG4 community! I WANNA HUG YOU SO BAD IRL 💔 you are seriously such a kind and wonderful person! GENUINELY LIKE YOU SO COOL!!!!! We got along with each other so well like, I didnt know you were that chill smh??? I LOVE YOU AND CHERISH YOU SO MUCH A FRIEND!!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING FRIENDS WITH ME YA SILLY!! 💜❤💜❤💜❤💜❤💜

@mikchi8 - Pulls you out and hugs you and shakes you affectionately. YOU TOO MIKCHI. YOU TOO!! YEAH WE DON'T TALK A WHOLE LOT BUT GENUINELY YOU'RE A COOL PERSON!!! LOVE YA YOU FUNNI PERSON!!! 💜💜💜💜

@superluigiglitchy - I will make art of Oliver soon I'LL GET TO THERE SIDHOSHSKDKDHD 😭 PJ I love ur art and the stuff you do like- A LOT! Like that vanellope AU and also the squib! THE SILLY HIMSELF!!! No seriously how'd you make him so cute siudidjdodjdojdodhdidj /silly we don't a talk a whole much as much as we used to but I'm always interested and up for what u're cooking! Love ya ^^ ! 💜

@jmaknavigr @markboyblue - You both are so kind and sweet like JMA YOUR AXOLOTL GIFTS ARE SIYDIDHDIHDOFJF AND MARM YOUR COMPLIMENTS THEY'RE SO SIHDISHDIDHDKHDKSJS I'LL GET YOU BOTH!!!!!! MARK MY WORDSSSSS /silly /jk /nsrs /lh I'M SORRY FOR NOT HAVING ANYMORE TO SAY BUT JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE U TWO 💜💜💜💜

@tiredsmashbros @strange0-0storm @cookiepopcat @its-a-me-mango - You four have been like my main source of inspiration like HELPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! YOU ALL ARE STILL VERY COOL TO ME. All of you fours contents are just so unique and well made?? Man that what I really strive for tbh 😭 all I wanna say is you are all creative in your own separate ways and I'll continue praise you four for that, 💥💥💥💥💜💜💜💜

@libbytwq @bear-boi-5 @coralalala64 @4thwallbreakerdraws2 - OKAY I DID NOT EXPECT TO BE FRIENDS/MUTUALS WITH ANY OF YOU. SERIOUSLY 😭. LIKE UH... HOW? You four have like, really cool stuff and people should really see that because y'all are cooking some rlly good art in that kitchen right there 💥 interacting with like all four of you has got to be one of the goofiest and silliest things. Like- sure it's not that chaotic but it can get rlly silly at times and I'm glad for that do what you four do XD 💜💜💜

@michaelscorneroftheinternet @grinnames @dorriostareyes - OH GOD YOU THREE ARE REALLY COOL TOO. Micheal and Dorrio, you boths writing are actually like top notch WHAT ARE Y'ALL COOKING UP WITH CHANGE IN SCRIPT PUT THAT GIF WHERE SOMEONE IS WRITING AND IT'S ON FIRE 🔥🔥🔥🔥 Grinnames you too I know I said this before but ur Godbox au is so interesting very excited to see how that like.. Event... Thing.... Ends =D! You three are all obviously very cool and deserve more recognition 💜💜💜

@alelathedragon - Hey uhhhhh wasn't expecting this huh? I KNOW WE HAVEN'T INTERACTED A WHOLE LOT BUT I GOTTA SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME LEND A HAND ON THE COMPETITION!!! I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT AT ALL LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT MY DOORSTEP ALL THE SUDDEN!! Honestly I love broken star like he's such a silly goober AND LOYBOO TOO. HE'S SUCH A CUTIE!!! Man you so cool. Yeah this is what you get for interacting with me muahahhahaa 💥💜

@eliscz @meg-girumi @theclosetcreature @fbanjex @jovialoddity @bidinonsense @h4ppysoki @dakaakula @icedbeverageenjoyer @jibrilthethingart @stargus0k @hplonesomeart @scimagic @the-masked-astro @yasmin70 @fenicearts420 @mrtophat518 @alex-dolmatescu2-0 @change-name-later - YOU ARE ALL REALLY COOL MR PUZZLES ARTISTS IN YOUR WAYS!!!!! SERIOUSLY YALLS IDEAS FOR THIS SILLY MAN ARE REALLY COOL LIKE THE WAY Y'ALL DRAW HIM, HEAD CANNONS AND THE STUFF Y'ALL DID WITH HIM, ARE ALL JUST REALLY COOL!! Will adore you all till the ends of handsome tv man 💜💜💜 /silly

And these are the list of people that I'd like to make messages to but I simply don't have the time and energy to do that so yeah 😔. Just know that I enjoy you all as equally as everybody else before this!! 💜💜💜

@opossol @shygirl4991 @theartistisme24 @art-parasi-te @fruit-sy @dictatortirah @corgibuttdraws @smp-eclair @psinkaaa @rat-n-atty

And for the last bit! A recap of alllllll of my digital drawings since I interacted online! Enjoy 💜

And that's it!.. There was supposed to be a bit where I yapped more but with my real voice but that got scrapped.. =[

Anywaysssss yeah! Thank you for whoever read this far smh ig you have a good attention span 💥💥💥💥

Have a great day every body and most importantly, happy purpday to me 💜

[charlypancakes]

it is difficult to not look around constantly to see if something looks off. there are examples of people's artistic choices or skill levels being mistaken for ai, when sometimes it was just an artist avoiding drawing hands. when ai tools became popular it was fascinating and fun for me to try out and think of how i could integrate them into my cc. while i wasn't planning on using it for all my future cc, i also wasn't aware of how fast ai would become so prominent in all kinds of media. in previous projects i used different techniques to create art for my custom content, like altering copyright free images or photography and i also used my own illustrations, but i never found a workflow that i could stick to or completely satisfied with my results, so i really wanted to give the new image generators a chance. between stylistic choices, different perception or visualization of light, perspective, colour, proportion, as well as the skill level or post editing effects, there are many other factors that can result in interesting art style, that we can appreciate even if an artist isn't as experienced or has the knowledge that computers do. but still, it will rarely be as irritating for the eyes, as what the off-putting ai generated look and feel some of those images have. ironically i still find the weird compositions and funky shapes that often come with ai art actually quite fitting with the maxis art style as well as the simlish language and script, but as genAI art is all around us now and the generated content becomes so overbearing, i don't want to have generated imagery on my custom content anymore. currently, the frame tv is still bugged due to a recent patch which broke the compatibility with custom content tv's and the gaming consoles. unfortunately the batch fix in sims 4 studio only seems to work for regular tv's, but not the wall mounted ones, so i was stuck on trying to fix it manually but that didn't work out for me either. therefor i will have to re-do the whole object anyway which goes hand in hand with the retexturing of the screen. i'll happily take suggestions and requests for this update from you! :)

[ozerashome]

I'm going feral thinking about the bad kids with the "I met my younger self for coffee" poem

---

Adaine

I met my youngerself for coffee today.

I showed up 30 minutes early, and she was already there, picking at her nails.

I ordered for both of us, drinks and desserts even though she tried to insist she was fine with water.

I let her hold Boggy. She couldn't meet my eyes when she told me she was rejected from Hudol this week.

Her eyes sparkled when I told her about our friends. She was eager to wear my jacket- I didn't comment on how frail she looked in it.

She complained about her dad. I told her that he's not a problem anymore and that our sister likes us now. She couldn't believe I was happy about that.

Before she left, I made sure to tell her how to make a proper fist. I won't see her again, but I know she'll do alright.

Fabian

I met my younger self for coffee today.

I waited around the corner and after he ordered his drink I pulled around with the hangman. He immediately challenged me to a fight, and of course I won.

He noticed the eyepatch, but when he realised whose it was, he didnt ask how I got it. We had an arm wrestling match while we waited for our food. The hangman started crying over seeing the younger me, I had to remind him to chill.

Little me asked of our triumphs and I told him we're regularly slaying dragons, demons and getting our kisses in.

Before he leaves I warn him to take cardio more seriously. He stares in horror as I tell him about Chungle Down Bim.

"HE WANTS TO SHIT IN MY MOUTH"

"WELL YOU BESTED HIM RIGHT???"

"NO, HE'S STILL HUNTING US"

Fig

I was supposed to meet up with my younger self for coffee today.

I showed up 30 minutes early, to scope the place out. I chose the best table and strummed a few notes on my guitar while I waited for her to show up. I was going to tell her about Ayda so we can find her sooner. I'll also tell her to trust her hunch about creep teachers.

She showed up 15 minutes later. Hair curled and dressed in her favorite outfit. She brought a backpack with her, she doesn't want to run late to cheer practice after.

Her horns still haven't grown in.

She still only has 1 dad and she hasn't kissed older men- trying to feel any kind of love.

She doesn't look like her mother's mistakes yet.

I don't call her over. She doesn't recognize me and waits, tapping her foot with excitment.

I leave without waiting to see her dissapointment. She wouldn't understand my happiness.

She can stay oblivious a little while longer.

Other ramblings:

Kristen avoiding topics of family, mostly just nodding along to her younger self ramble praise for Sol. Her younger self notices her staff is different and Kristen casually drops that they're creating Gods now. Advising herself to get better shoes, maybe start doing some basic coordination excersises- her younger self clearly doesnt listen.

Alternate quip to young kristen noticing the different staff.

"But like... why though? I'm Sol's choosen prophet and I'm questioning him?"

"That's not the only thing you're going to question"

Riz meeting with his younger self, just as exhausted but a little more reckless. They both order an unholy concotion of caffine overload. Young Riz is still mourning the loss of his father, and Riz has to kill the urge to tell him everything. He drops a few hints, maybe his younger self can find the secret room faster. Young riz asks if the business cards work, Riz is glad to report they did, and they've even got the honor of being a shrimp king and The Ball.

(Edit; I FORGOT GORGUG)

[enchantressiren]

❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟!❞

How to heal from your sexual trauma? (Detailed).

Masterlist ♡.

Author's note,

Two more pap are coming if you don't feel connected to any. Also, warm hugs to everyone. Much love.

Divider. (Edited by me).

Pile I.

Sometimes the people we trust are the people who turn their backs on us. And those around them will not bat an eye. Why should they? You were a child after all, and sometimes children lie so why ruin your male figure/uncle’s reputation, right? Like who cares, you were a liar. You lied about it all, so why should anyone believe you? Weren’t these your thoughts growing up? Didn’t you find yourself unworthy of love because of what your family said? How many times did your mother or aunt say it was your fault that it happened? That you should have covered your younger self's legs? How many times have they mentioned it for you to believe them and never heal from it?

How many times have you self-harmed because of their words? Cut, cut, cut. What makes it appealing to destroy your precious legs because of their words? What makes it appealing to harm yourself from anything they say? What makes anything appealing to please them? Do you think it is okay to harm yourself like this? Genuinely—if you were doing the same to your younger self, would it be okay then? What makes it okay compared to before? “Because they didn’t know, they were naïve and wrong! I have the right to do it now! You don’t get it!” Perhaps? But then again, what makes it truly okay for you to do it now? Why not do it to someone younger? Are you comfortable doing it to a victim of grooming? How about a baby survivor? Are you going to cut the baby’s legs because they got raped or groomed? Are you going to insult any survivor like yourself because they got touched? Is that okay with you?

It doesn’t feel right, now does it? It does not sound appealing to you anymore. The thought made you uncomfortable when it came to the baby. Some of you are questioning if it is possible for a baby to be raped and it is. You were a baby too when you got groomed, so why are you questioning it?

“I was not a baby, I was a loser that got touched. I should have done something about it, defended myself. At least pushed him away! It’s my fault! You seriously do not fucking get it, do you??” No. You do not get it. You were a baby when you were groomed by a male figure in your family. How can a baby consent to that? How can a child consent to that? Even someone who is legal would not consent to being groomed by a family member. So, I ask again, are you going to insult any survivor like yourself because they got touched? Is that okay with you?

Groom. Groom. Groom. This word keeps running in my mind like a wildfire. My mind is spinning and each time the word groom pops up, I feel nauseous. You felt the same as it was happening, and as you read this pile, those same fears are coming back to haunt you. Some of you have healed from your CPSTD or PTSD but have not treated yourself in the way you deserve: compassion. Those who did not suffer from the disorder, you have to accept what happened was not your fault. It was their fault. Your family members who have not said anything about it, have brushed it away, or blamed you for it are just as guilty as the male figure. Do you understand? It is their fault just as much as it is his. Not yours. Him.

Each of you is worthy of having someone appreciate you. And this is not coming from an intuitive perspective, more so with how I see it. I know that people have told you it is not your fault. And that you have tried numerous times to heal, to do better for your younger self or inner child, and focused on trying to be kind to yourself but failing with the lack of support. But support does not only come from family members, you need to remove those thoughts. They won’t help because they are just as guilty as him. You need to give yourself the support you have been seeking for a while. You need to find your support in different and logical ways rather than focusing on your emotional side. And you need to fully grasp that it is not your fault. Truly feel it. Don’t tell yourself, “yeah, it wasn’t my fault,” and move on as if it is nothing. Allow yourself to mourn it. It is not a disease to mourn your feelings and your past, and it is not always a bad thing to look into your past. Use your past to heal and fully accept what had happened and what is happening now. Stop treating those who are guilty as friends. They do not deserve your kindness nor appreciation when you compliment or gift them things because you feel pressured to by your mother or aunt.

Masterlist ♡.

Pile II.

“Mama, it hurts. Everything hurts. My bone hurts. My mind hurts. I wanna die, momma. I wanna die, momma! Just let me die, momma! A scream. I need to die momma, it hurts, it hurts—a slap—it’s what you deserve, child.”

A mother is supposed to take care of their child. Supposed to love their child, put their child above themselves, educate their child, protect them, and make sure they can survive on their own. A mother is supposed to give you the warmth you need and to give you advice in other affairs. A mother is supposed to be your role model, someone you want to grow up into, someone you want to be when you have a child. Your mother is supposed to be your best friend, so why was your mother your rapist? Why did your mother have to brainwash you into believing that you deserve to be spanked? To be sexually groomed by others for money? Why did your mother touch you like it was okay? Why was your mother the sole reason you are learning to understand what sex is all about through your current relationship or with yourself? Why is your partner or your comfort stuffed animal your provider when you have to deal with panic attacks from your mother? Why do you have to suffer from this when your mother is living in “heaven” or in a mansion? Why are people giving her an out just because she was a “great” mother to others, making sure they are okay and if they are eating? But when it came to you, it didn’t matter? Why did everyone ignore your screams and your heartfelt tears when you begged others for help? How come no one helped you? When everyone found out what happened, why was it okay to be gaslighted because there was no way your mom could do that? Why do you have to believe it was your fault and not hers? And why do you have to cry yourself to sleep hoping no one hears you when you remember every single detail of what happened while you struggle to sleep? Why me, why not her? Why? Why? Why?

Green man (synergy): “You have the advantage of an incredible synergy at this time.  A flow of Life is guiding you, where things just seem to fall into place as you move about your business.”

“Mama, why do the trees grow brown and the leaves perish? Mama, why is the color of the snow yellow sometimes? Mama, why do you ignore my questions sometimes? Am I a burden? Yes. She whispers, Yes, you are.. my sweet thing.” She caresses your cheeks, gazing into your innocent curiosity, and smiles with maliciousness, 'such a sweet thing deserving of pain.' Mama, why are things the way they are? Because that is how God (or Gods) made them, my sweet child. Oh! That is so cool, mam— yawns, good night mama. Goodnight sweet child.”

Sweet child—were you a sweet child or a burden to everyone in your hometown? How did it make you feel to be one? Do my words sound harsh? I’m sorry, I am just speaking upon everyone’s words, those trigger words that have hurt you. Are you crying right now? Good—or so that is what they would all say. Right? Do you also think you should say the same to yourself too? Good? Good that you are crying! You deserve to cry, you deserve it all, you deserve all that was given to you, you deserve it, yo—do you? Do you really deserve it? I don’t think so.

I understand that you came here to LEARN how to heal your trauma, but I cannot give you the reading you seek. And I am sorry that I triggered you, but you had to be triggered so you could heal on your own. You DO NOT need anyone’s help but your own. You are all such a strong pile, I mean it. So so strong and so very resilient. An image of Hercules popped up and how he saved Meg; the same can be said about the attachment you have with the movie and your stuffed animal or partner. I cannot tell you how to heal as much as I would want to, nor can they do much to help you heal. But you have to accept what has happened and understand that you are ALLOWED to cry and feel the pain. To allow yourself to go back into the past and accept everything that has happened to you. You are allowed to stay in the past for as long as you want and stop allowing your subconscious mind to repress your memories. You are allowed to tell your attachments what really happened—allow yourself to say the truth to them. Stop hiding them because you are so ashamed of it. And you have absolutely no reason to be ashamed. You were a baby. A precious baby that deserved so much but didn’t have that. But now, you have to give yourself that love, or else you will never heal properly.

Channeled song

Why why why by Shawn Mendes.

Masterlist ♡.

Pile III.

Justice.

To be manipulated and tricked by your abuser and to be gaslighted by yourself—those troubles have been causing you pain. To have your so called friends abuse you sexually or rape you and then mock you must have hurt. To have shamed yourself for trusting them but blaming yourself must have damaged the friendship you had with yourself. To have become self-aware of what they wanted you to do must have made you fraught. So, why exactly did you follow through? If you knew they wanted to deflate your confidence just as you were with your guardians, how come you followed through? How come you had to gaslight yourself with what actually happened? Why couldn’t you be honest about it? You knew they raped or sexually abused you. You knew they were tricking you from the start; you knew they were going to drug you and let their friends take your virginity—so why did you allow it? Why? Why? I SAID WHY—

Can you keep your shameful and hateful thoughts to yourself and understand that you are not in the wrong if someone touches you without consent? There are no whys. Let it go and accept what has happened. If you keep letting this happen, you will let yourself go and become crazy. All your thoughts are always whys, it should not have happened, it is not their fault, why did I trust them, and did I, or what did I do to deserve this? What do you think you did to have had this happen? Nothing. Their main goal was to destroy your confidence since they were intimidated by it. So, how could that be your fault? How can you blame yourself for their distasteful personality and projection? It is not your fault, nor could it ever be.

The only thing that is your fault is allowing these thoughts to control your life. Stop living in your fears, stop letting your fears MAKE all the decisions for yourself. Stop saying your healed self will decide for you, or at least be stuck in the future and imagine what your future self would choose for yourself. Stop fucking neglecting your present self; it deserves your love and care right now, so make yourself a priority. How can you heal, or expect to heal and become your best self, if you are neglecting yourself? It’s impossible.

One thing I wanted to add was: those were not your friends, so don’t forgive them. I know that some of you are assuming that if you were to forgive them, then you could move on from your trauma. But you will never move on from it. The person who needs your forgiveness is you. You have to learn to let go of this anger you feel for yourself. I understand that you could not protect yourself and therefore it should be your fault, but the problem with that is.. it lacks honesty. Some of you pride yourself that you are an honest person, but you are a hypocrite. A huge one—you are a liar to yourself. So take a peg down for a moment and be honest with yourself—you were raped or sexually abused, and even if you could have protected yourself, you would have dealt with the same issue. You cannot change or fix the past, what is done, is simply done and you must let it go. So let it go, forgive yourself, and—it is okay to hate on those who cause you harm. Ignore people who say otherwise, they do not know your story and do not deserve to control HOW YOU FEEL. You are ALLOWED!!! to feel angry. To feel hurt, disappointed, and so forth. So let it go and learn to trust yourself genuinely again. Okay? Okay.

Some of you are wondering how to let yourself feel those emotions without disrespecting someone else. Read that again. Why are you worried about disrespecting someone else when it is YOUR EMOTIONS? It is YOUR EMOTIONS, not theirs. You are allowed to feel, stop disrespecting yourself for someone else. Let me ask you something and tell yourself this answer honestly. Why do you feel the need to disrespect yourself for someone else? Is it based on judgment? Why are you feeling judged? Were you supposed to be emotionless your whole life? If so, understand this.

Emotions are emotions. Emotions are normal and it is OKAY to feel them. It is okay to feel disappointed, you do not have to be aloof for everything. If you want to feel them, then feel them and push your thoughts away. Those thoughts are taking away your personality, happiness, and sabotaging you. I know that ignoring those thoughts can be daunting sometimes, but I also know it is better to be scared than sorry. What I mean is, would you rather deal with a shitty outcome because you let your fear dictate your life, or would you rather have those fears but not act upon them? Which one sounds appealing to you?

Masterlist ♡.

[drunkkenobi]

Hi bb, ty for the prompt to write my thoughts!

So I can't get on tumblr at work anymore unless I go outside to get good signal on my phone so I have only been privy to what's going on here today from friends on discord. So maybe I'm missing some nuance or the what my mutuals think and I apologize in advance for that but I'm going to speak plainly.

This is the only way Watcher is going to survive.

The view counts have been steady through Mystery Files season 2 but they aren't, like, astronomical. A video with a million views nets a channel between $10,000 - $30,000. Guys. That's nothing for Watcher. They have to pay each of their 25+ employees a salary with insurance and benefits and for everything else their channel requires. Steven said in the video today that a season of Ghost Files costs hundreds of thousands of dollars. I don't think everyone is hearing that part and understanding how much money that is, especially compared to many other YouTubers they watch. I'm not an expert on other YouTubers but I look at the Sims people I watch. They are successful with views in the hundred k range because they are a company of one. Themselves and maybe paying a freelancer to help edit their videos. For one person, the stakes are lower and the potential for profit is higher! Especially for gamers that are filming in their homes. YouTubers like this, making niche content on the cheap, are who is going to make it in YouTube now.

Watcher is none of those things. They have, from day one, wanted to make high quality unscripted content. All of their shows are shows. They aren't just "Ryan and Shane do [thing]" or "Steven eats [whatever]". They are shows, like ones you see on cable TV or any streamer. And shows are not cheap. Unscripted is cheaper, sure, than scripted. But that doesn't mean cheap. Especially not with the sheer production value we've seen on all their shows, in particular Ghost Files (hundreds of thousands of dollars). That is how much something like Ghost Adventures costs, which is on Travel Channel, an actual TV network that puts up all those costs.

So. That's why Watcher has to pivot to survive.

I think it's a great idea, personally. And yes, I am in a position where I can financially afford it no problem, which I know is a privilege! I am very lucky in that regard. And I understand that many people are upset they won't see the boys as easily on YouTube anymore. That is valid! But they have openly said they are totally fine with password sharing and I think that's a great way to cut down on costs for some folks. Also right now there's a great deal on the yearly sub for early subscribers. $40 for a year is cheaper than any streaming service and it doesn't go to anyone other than Watcher.

I understand that people feel hurt and blindsided, but I think Watcher is also feeling this too. They have been so excited about this and being able to make whatever they want without having to worry about sponsors and now they're mostly seeing anger directed their way. Especially at Steven. Steven is not rich. You know who's rich? David Zaslav, a man who is single-handedly ruining Warner Brothers and making himself a billionaire while he's at it. THAT is the kind of person we should be directing our anger at streaming prices and quality of the media landscape at. Not one small business that is just trying to survive so they can continue paying their employees.

And one more thing. I've seen folks saying they'd rather watch more ads than pay and while I get that, that's not going to help Watcher make what they want. YouTube famously demonetizes videos with swears which is why I can't watch a video with DRAG QUEENS without every other line being bleeped and Watcher has been so good about not bleeping their content because they know we would hate it. And YouTube does this because of advertisers. Advertisers only want to appeal to the most broad of audiences so that means not supporting anything slightly left of center. Having to deal with ads sucks from the creator perspective and does not help them in the long run.

Anyway, this is all a bit rambling, but these are my thoughts on WatcherTV. I'm extremely excited to subscribe and make them make more Weird Wonderful World. I hope to see you all there.

[maikelfist]

Working Title: Man With Big Dick Fucks His Precious Boy

Okay so I had the weirdest, most random ass idea for post-breakup BuckTommy and it just got more and more random the more I kept going. It's all over the place, I kind of rushed near the end, I have no idea where I was going with this. I would call this a fever dream more than I would call it a fic but it's here now so might as well throw it at you guys PS: Don't get fooled by the working title, this is more sappy than sexy

Edit: There's a more refined version of this on ao3 now and I updated it here as well

Buck's sex life went from mind-blowing, life-changing and so-so-active to Missing In Action in what felt like seconds, and unfortunately, his libido hasn't gotten the memo yet. He'd been advised to throw himself out there again multiple times now, but every single cell in his body recoils at the idea. I'm not your last, I'm your first. Yeah well, we'll see about that.

It feels like a no-brainer to start watching gay porn since that's what Buck's currently missing the most. He jerks off to a handsome guy—the hint of cleft in his chin may or may not have been the reason Buck clicked on the video—fucking into a pretty twunk, and honestly, Buck is having a good time. It’s only when tears begin to swell in his eyes after he comes with Tommy’s name on his lips that he realizes he should not do that again.

The next videos he watches pointedly feature plump bears and dainty twinks, but even then, Buck can't help but make comparisons. Can't hold a rhythm, not attentive enough, where are the reassurances?

Buck comes to a visceral, gut-wrenching realization: Every single guy he considers will have to measure up to one Thomas fucking Kinard from now on.

So.

No gay porn for Buck anymore.

He moves to het videos, and the second realization of his latest porn binge hits him a lot quicker. There is absolutely no way he will ever be able to go back to regular straight sex again. Buck is very, very bi, and even relationships with women will have to be queer from now on.

Of course, porn isn't reality, but being confronted with the exaggerated heteronormativity of it all—the idea of fulfilling a society-given role after Buck learned what things can feel like when he's allowed to be himself—makes his stomach churn.

Living in a post-Tommy world is not an easy feat.

Buck's baking bouts aren't enough to distract him. Doughs need chilling, batters need baking, and before the waiting time can make him spiral, Buck keeps going on a Goldilocks mission of trying to find just the right porn that would help him take his mind off Tommy.

Luckily, after browsing the most obscure, likely virus-infested websites the internet has to offer, Buck finds a video that instantly becomes a staple in his tabs—a comforting presence whenever he feels lonely, which these days is all the time. He doesn't even bother closing it.

As long as it took him to find the video, it’s quickly forgotten when Tommy and Buck make up.

The reunion is messy and like a balm for Buck's wounds. It is filled with tears and Tommy's ability to make difficult conversations feel easy—something Buck had desperately missed when Tommy chose to walk out of his life. It’s a skill Tommy can apparently lose when he’s petrified with fear. Buck vows to chip away at all of Tommy's worries now that Buck is aware of them. Now that Tommy lets him.

It's strange and not surprising at all how much like coming home it feels to have Tommy back. How easy it is for Buck to cook for them in his kitchen while Tommy looks for something they can watch later on Buck's laptop.

"I found this documentary about hyper-regional food," Tommy says.

Buck perks up from the herbs he's cutting. "Like Threads of God? Do you know that only three women in Sardinia know how to make that type of pasta?"

Tommy hums at that. "Sounds like we don't need to watch it."

Buck laughs and lowers his eyes to the herbs again. "No, I want to. But isn't there a new part of that car restoration series you like?"

"We can watch that later." Tommy emphasizes the last word in a way that makes another part of Buck perk up.

Early in their relationship, they found out that there are few things that can make Buck relax and fall asleep quicker than the sight of competent hands making old things look new to the rhythmic sound of metal being hammered and ground. This means Tommy has to make sure it's him that gets to tire Buck out before his favorite mechanics have a chance to. Thankfully, Tommy seems to be fine with Buck never reaching the end of any of the restoration videos he enjoys.

Tommy makes an intrigued noise of interest that breaks Buck out of his musings. "Ooor we can watch this."

Buck listens to the sounds of shuffling and smacking coming out of his laptop's speakers, confusion furrowing his brows before recognition seizes him by the throat.

"Oh my God!" The parsley Buck is holding ends up somewhere in Nirvana as he frees his hands to grab his laptop. "OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod—" Since when is closing a laptop so fucking difficult?

Tommy lets him fumble for a moment, a teasing smirk playing at his lips. It’s infuriating how he can just calmly wait till Buck, wide-eyed and pink-cheeked, finally meets his gaze. Only then does Tommy speak, slowly and deliberately, savoring each syllable.

"Woman With Dragon Dick Fucks Her Precious Girl."

Buck is glad he wasn't cutting chili because there's no way he can stop himself from pressing his fingers into his eyes as he whines, "You don't have to say it out loud!"

"I simply appreciate the originality of the title."

God, why was Buck a firefighter when he couldn't even do anything about his face being on fucking fire?

"Look, I missed you, and I-I couldn’t watch gay porn because they—they either reminded me too much of you or they weren’t you, and regular straight porn was tedious, so I found this feminist porn site, a-and I didn’t feel bad about supporting them, and please, please don’t judge—"

"Evan." Tommy says his name in a way that allows no ifs and buts. "I'm not judging." Whenever Tommy's voice falls into that no-nonsense sternness, something in Buck stills. He has learned to hold his breath when Tommy speaks to him like that. It's a Pavlovian reaction that only Tommy can ignite and it sends shivers down his spine. Tommy raises his thumb to the birthmark on Buck's temple, gently brushing it as his voice softens. "I'm taking note." Buck exhales shakily and leans into the touch.

Tommy reaches for the laptop, opens it, and enters the password that Buck shared with him even before they broke up. He moves to stand behind Buck, arms wrapped around him, as he hits play again.

The titular precious girl is on all fours surrounded by luxurious wine-red pillows and candlelight, purring kittenish noises into the mattress as the woman, adorned in gold and jewels only, kisses her neck and shoulders, murmuring sweet nothings into her skin. She's fucking her strap-on in between her thighs, making sure the dildo rubs against all the right spots.

"The shape is interesting," Tommy observes. He glances at Evan, curious about what kind of reaction his comment will provoke. Maybe some more bashfulness or a sweet sigh, similar to the ones the girl is making on screen while the dildo enters her.

Instead, Evan turns to him with an excited smile on his full lips. "Yeah, right? I found this website! Wait, hold on—" Evan pauses the video, opens a new tab, and Tommy is greeted with the sight of colorful, artfully crafted fantasy dildos. Handmade, apparently.

Evan starts rambling about which ones he finds the most appealing, what media they're inspired by. Tommy has never heard him talk this much about pop culture, and no one is ever allowed to know that Evan learned about Avatar this way. Howie would get an aneurysm.

Having Evan in his life means being in a constant state of whiplash, and Tommy has learned that he wouldn't have it any other way.

Tommy keeps in mind which ones Evan pointed out and makes a mental note to check out the cock sleeves the store offers before gently nudging Evan back to the porn.

"What else do you like about the video?" Evan relaxes back into him as they keep watching. Tommy can guess what Evan might find hot about it, something that has nothing to do with pretty girls kissing, but he would like to hear it from Evan before making assumptions. He also just wants to hear Evan, period.

"I like— I like that she's sweet to her? Women in straight femdom porn are usually just mean, like men being dominated by women is automatically degrading. I don't like that."

Tommy hums in acknowledgment, enjoys the small gasp he receives as he dips his fingers into a gap in Evan's button-down shirt, soothingly playing with the trail of hair on Evan's stomach. That Evan likes sweet talk isn't new information, but hearing it is always lovely. "Keep going," Tommy encourages.

"But she's also kind of… possessive about it? She calls her 'my treasure' a couple of times. I love it when she does. It's like—it's—she—she's—"

"Cherishing her?"

Evan sighs and nods, rubbing his temple against Tommy's.

Tommy leans in, noses at the pulse point of Evan's neck as he goes in for the kill. "Claiming her?"

Evan's moan sounds like it was punched out of him, and Tommy barely has enough time to hold onto the laptop to keep it from being dragged down as Evan turns to kiss him.

Tommy braces himself, gathering more and more courage with each kiss, praying to whoever might be listening that he's not mistaken when he asks, "You want me to hold on to you? Make you mine and never let go?"

A heart-wrenching sob escapes Evan's mouth, and Tommy swallows it greedily. "God yes, please!"

Evan keeps pressing pleas against his lips, and Tommy desperately wants to give in, but there is just one small thing that needs to be done first.

"Evan, the thing you're making, can—can that wait?" The last time they allowed themselves to get distracted while cooking, Evan kept pouting afterwards over the food being 'ruined'. In an attempt to cheer him up, Tommy had said that he couldn't tell the difference which had just made things worse. He wouldn't make that mistake again. There are many mistakes he wouldn't make again.

Evan utters a dazed noise before clarity settles into his beautiful features. "Oh. Yeah. It'll just marinate."

Tommy nods and moves to turn off the stove, Evan clinging to his side. He returns his attention to Evan, fingers playing with his curls.

The stove was a short distraction, but long enough to ensure that Tommy's next words are spoken with all the gravitas they deserve.

"My treasure."

Another broken sound escapes Evan's throat as he burrows into Tommy and continues what they started.

Tommy hates breaking things, but, God, does he love repairing them. He knows he has a lot to make up for, and he will do it happily. If that means wiping away his boyfriend's tears and indulging in his trauma-induced dragon kink, so be it.

[midnight-in-town]

Classical language and paranormal powers : Anya Forger and Arnold Crowley

Crack theory that I haven't seen anywhere, but I can't get it out of my head since ch95, so here goes.

We've had enough clues across the story so far to understand that there is a link between Anya's past and telepathic powers and her mastering classical language (which is not spoken anymore nowadays, according to Twilight), which recently earned her a stella :

While the nature of the link is still unclear, I can't help but question if Sensei hid other clues about this topic.

More specifically, Anya scored second, a big victory for her, but we eventually even met the kid who scored slightly better than she did in ch 95:

Moreover, he seemed particularly interested in Anya and wanted to meet her, before the dance party gave him the chance to.

Of course, it can be purely mundane kid behavior or just a comical way to annoy Damian, but still, I couldn't help but notice that mainly he, like Anya, has weirdly shaped pointed hair.

Might I even add, he has 3 horns/antennas, while Anya only has 2 (is it why he scored better ?). That's one similarity to two kids scoring well in classical language. Could be coincidental, I hear you.

Even more recently though, Anya and Yor encountered Melinda at a festival, when trying to get a fortune telling for Anya. Melinda shyly explained to Yor that it's a hobby of hers and that she believes in destiny and paranormal activities & powers, like telepathy :

However, Melinda is not super confident in her reading abilities, which is why she's not charging any money for it. But did you notice the name of another fortune teller who seems very accurate and popular, in ch107 ?

That's right : Magical * Crowley

Of course, at this point we don't know at all whether or not Arnold from ch95 is related to this fortune teller. However, I kinda doubt Sensei would mistakenly give the same name to the weird boy who beat Anya in classical language and to a popular fortune teller, when someone like Melinda, of all people, hardcores believes paranormal forces and powers are real.

Melinda who, by the way, is extremely scared of her husband who may have undergone surgery to get telepathic powers at some point.

Last but not least, we also know that fortune telling is likely to be a real thing in this universe, meaning Magical * Crowley's could have actual powers, considering Anya's family already owns a dog, Bond, who can see the future.

TL;DR Arnold Crowley from ch95 may be a kid with a strange power, like Anya is.

What this has to do with them being good at classical language, which is not used anymore nowadays, I don't know**, but I'd bet a few pennies it's going to be plot relevant.

**EDIT : To specify on what I currently imagine, since Anya's powers disappear during the new moon, maybe her powers depend on some kind of emitting/transmitting wavelengths (received by her hair horns/antennas), that could be coded with classical language (since it's not spoken anymore) ? It is a spy manga after all. x)

And if I were Endo-sensei, I'd take it a step further and reveal that she was actually hearing/reading all along people's thoughts in classical language, because that's how her powers were coded. She just doesn't realize it, because she's 4 years old, which is why most of her mistakes during classical language tests were spelling ones.

We shall see later. :) Thanks for reading and happy new year 2025 !

[cherryblossompink303]

Patience: ~Covering the famous host club!~

➼ pairing: Kyoya Ootori x Reader ➼ summary: Tamaki finds himself with his heart set on helping save the newspaper club. ➼ what to expect:  "For the first time in your life it was you and him, not just you." ➼ warnings: none ➼ Part Thirteen | Part Fifteen

You had to admit that the times that the host club was held outside that you actually do find a sense of calm during club hours, there was notably less chaos on days like these.

"Wow, I've never notice that the courtyard had such a lovely stream"

"It's called a yarimizu channel, it is said that during the Heian era, people would better experiance the seasons by watching the petals or autumn leaves that drifted along the water. I had it specially made for all of you, hoping it would express my desire to spend all four seasons with you. so then what do you say ladies? This fall, there's an autumn leaves tea party with alimited number of invitations"

"Oh! Sign me up!"

You roll your eyes through a laugh from nearby, it always catches you offguard when Kyoya lays it on thick for the sake of a sail but you had to admit that the times that he does it is certainly entertaining.

The next thing you know Tamaki comes tumbling through the garden, tackling Haruhi to get her out of the way of a ball flying in her direction, resulting in an argument with the twins. "You think so? Well check this out! Starlight kick!"

The ball disappears it gets launched so far "Take care of yourself! Bye!" however when the ball comes back down it barrels through a window"

"Oh god" you sigh, so much for peace.

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

Covering the famous host club!

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

"Really. We're terribly sorry about that" you had all found yourselves in the office of the newspaper club after it turned out the ball had hit the president in the head. "Don't worry, it's no big deal. Could've happened to anyone, right? Just a ball flying through a window and hitting me upside the head"

"Please accept our apology"

"Well this works out perfectly, I was just thinking about approaching the Host Club about a cover story I don't suppose you'd be interested?"

"I didn't know we had a newspaper club"

"It's more gossip rag than newspaper"

"Like a trashy tabloid, it's filled with stories about scandalous love affairs, family power struggles and junk like that"

"It's just a lame hossip rag that specialises in stirring up scandal. And everyone knows its all lies, so nobody reads it anymore"

It is then that you realise where you recognise the president from "It's Komatsuzawa isn't it?" The question leaves your lips before you really get the chance to stop yourself, drawing attention to where you had been stood in the corner of the room.

"yes, sorry have we met"

"A long time ago in passing, my father is l/n"

It was slowly starting to become a bit awkward when you realise that Komatsuzawa was the son of your fathers old business partner...one that he betrayed to build up a media empire.

He grits his teeth "I see, I didn't realise that you went here, last we met was out of the country"

You shrug "I transferred, surely with all your fathers experience he would have taught you journalistic integrity?"

"You know I guess we have kind of lost sight of the truth because we've been so worried about drawing in more readers. It's a shame we're just now realising our error, now that the paper's at risk. We've finally realised what we should have been reporting to the students of ouran" He stands up.

"Help us please, for the last paper of the semester, we'd like to do an up-close special edition, revealing the charms of ouran's host clubb members. I'm begging you, without your help, our club will close"

"You can count on us" Tamaki assures.

You and Kyoya exchange eyecontact, silently communicating through shaking your heads.

"On behalf of the host club i accept-" "we have to decline" Kyoya shoves Tamaki out the way.

"But Kyoya he got hurt because of me, what's the big deal?"

"Sorry, we have a policy prohibiting us from sharing any personal information with anyone other than our guests. But we'd be more than happy to pay any medical expenses related to your injury"

"And another thing, what makes you think we'd want to help you spread rumors and gossip? We've got a reputation to uphold and you'd just ruin it"

"Besides you guys cause a lot of trouble for other people, and who would want to get mixed up with that"

"I understand, well, I guess you really can't erase the sins of the past, can you?" The president makes direct eye contact with you. "People won't even give you the opportunity to try and redeem yourself Ow! my head is killing me"

"President!"

"I'm ok, don't worry you two, oh no i'm getting dizzy again" you were starting to think that his acting skills are as bad as his journalism. "I guess all we can do at this point is disband with grace"

"No you don't have to" Tamaki doubles down "You can always make a fresh start. we'll help, we will rally the power of the host club, and we can re-establish the Newspaper club together!"

"Well count us out"

"You're way too trusting boss we can't just go along with everything you do forever" "yeah we've had enough"

Kyoya places a hand on your shoulder, guiding you towards the door "We're leaving too Tamaki, we're holding an evaluation meeting, mostly about you"

"Hold it! How can you be so heartless? These men are about to lose their club. Don't you feel sorry for them? Their family's breaking up! As your president I demand you help them and that is a direct order"

"We're not going to do it"

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

Tamaki has been sat sulking in the corner for who knows how long, to the point of concern as the rest of you look on "well it's obvious he's upset with us"

"Yeah, he hasn't even changed clothes"

"I hate it when he ignores us when we're right in front of him. He's such a child"

"Nah, Tama-chan's just a lonely guy, you know?"

"I hate to give in, but would it really be that bad to help them out with their newspaper?" Haruhi asks, grabbing everyones attention. "What?"

"Hey, since when are you taking his side?"

"Since never, just listen okay? I know any moment now, he's gonna look over here with those puppy-dog eyes he always uses when he wants something, and none of us will be able to say no, and so he'll win"

"Let me guess, you're speaking from experience, aren't you?"

"Besides maybe I'm wrong but isn't this the kinda thing you guys usually go for?"

"Well no, this seems like more trouble than it's worth" The twins shrug. "What about you Honey-senpai?"

"Count me out, I have this cake to eat and Takashi sticks with me, right?" Honey wolfed down a strawberry cake.

"Y/n?"

"After Renge's film we leave any and all PR to internal affairs, but also I'd like to point out that this club does have secrets that the newspaper club would go for. If they are sniffing around us all it takes one slip up and it's 'favoured host club member secretly a girl?' or 'Host club member secretly engaged' we would be giving them exactly what they want"

You all look over to tamaki, who pulls out said puppy dog eyes mentioned earlier "those are the eyes"

"Puppy dog eyes"

Kyoya sighs "There will be some conditions"

"The outline for their article will be submitted by us. Interviews are strictly prohibited, it is vital that our client's identities be kept confidential, and no one is to reference Haruhi's identity and y/n's ties to the club beyond professional."

"Do we agree?"

"Well, if you it's cool, Kyoya-senpai" "Then we do too"

"I'll do it since Kyo-chan says it's okay"

"Kyoya, a word please?"

The two of you step away from the main group out into the hallway "I don't have a good feeling about this" you are straight up with him once the door closes behind you two. "Relax y/n i've got this handled"

"But-" "Seriously, relax, trust me, it will be handled"

Suddenly the words from that bizarre dream you had recently echoed in your head

"perhaps the reason you think you can't depend on others is that you reject it"

You know that it is strange to take advice of a strange dream version of Tamaki of all people but maybe he is right.

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

"Of course! If you'll allow us to cover you, we promise to observe your conditions"

"Well then, you may start tomorrow"

"Excellent"

"So how is that bump on your forehead feeling?"

"Oh, that? It's no big deal, I hardly feel it anymore. I owe a lot to this bump because without it, we'd never have come together for this article"

"That's true, but we're still very sorry it happened" Kyoya slides a first aid kit over the presidents desk "I brought you a little something as an apology of sorts. This is a first aid kit, made by my family's company"

"That you I appreciate it"

"No problem, please excuse me" Kyoya turns to leave "Oh, it just dawned on me, your family runs the Ootori group right? They manufacture medical equipment don't they?"

Kyoya avoids the urge to roll his eyes "We mostly deal with hospital management"

"I am so glad that we'll be working together, my father is a president as well, of the Komatsuzawa publishing firm"

"Yes, I am well aware of that, so being president of the newspaper club is your way of preparing to take over your family's company?"

"Well yes to an extent but I have this younger brother. He's a bright young man, and my father's very proud of him you seeso now my father has decided to turn future management of the company over tgo my younger brother. And thereby passing over me, the eldest son, first born. However, if I'm able to finish my third year at Ouran Academy as the president of a succesdul newspaper club I think he may reconsider my candidacy as his successor. Do you understand? I cannot allow this club to fall apart no matter what"

"Please excuse me" Kyoya leaves, closing the door behind him.

"Mr president are we to assume you were trying to win over Kyoya Ootori?"

"But of course, you see my plans have expanded now, I can knock out two birds with one stone, not only now do I have the opportunity to bring down Tamaki Suoh but if I create enough scandal surrounding y/n then it will reflect badly on the l/n group and will certainly gain favour from my father"

"But how would befriending Kyoya Ootori help with that?"

"Well isn't obvious? the two of them are always together not to mention their fathers are very good friends, I can use him to get to her" he stands up, looking out the window. "As for Tamaki Suoh he clearly flaunts his power and standing to sucker all those poor girls into that host club. I will dig until I find scandal in all of them"

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

It was actually entertaining watching the host club play red light green light out in the gardens, purely for how much Tamaki gets into it as opposed to the rest of the club, you aren't partaking in it, trying to put some distance between you and them, also to keep an wyw on the newspaper club stood nearby.

"President, what on earth are we witnessing?"

"Could it be some kind of new religion?"

"Why are you asking me? How should I know?"

"You know, I can't blame you for being shocked, I was nunfamiliar with it myself, but it's a commoner's game. They have a wide variety , and none of them require spending any money. All you need is a few friends to play with" Tamaki prances over to explain,

"Mhm, and what does this have to do with our coverage of the host club?"

"You need to learn friendliness!" tamaki is very dramatic with his demanding "If you want to clear the negative reputation of the newspaper club, and attempt to capture the hearts of your readers, you must try to be more down to earth. I can just imagine the headlines now 'The handsome boys of the host club enjoy commoner's games' wioth pictures of us frolicking in the scenery of early summer. It would be the perfect face life of your front pag. And it gives you the chance to show that a certain commoner is happier now reliving his childhood here with us!"

Tamaki pulls the host club into another game, running back to the rest of the club, the Newspaper club approaching Haruhi for an interview, you watching on noting that they had agreed to no interviews and they are already breaking that however they did not seem to be inferring anything about Haurhi's identity. Still you shut it down quickly when it starts to go longer than needed.

During a game of kick the can, or kankeri the newspaper club wander off while the others hide and Kyoya starts counting until he hits 6, dropping the facade of playing the game and standing up once he realises they are gone, you raise an eyebrow "I didn't think you would cheat at anything as small as a playground game kyoya" you say, assuming hes going to jump to searching for them early.

"I'm not cheating, there's something I need to do" he says, wandering off to follow the newspaper club "Wait!" you call after him, running behind."

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

"That's it i'm writing the article" Komatsuzawa seeths, marching down the hallway "But president, you have no evidence, gossiping about suoh or l/n is dangerous"

"I don't need evidence, I'll make evidence if I have to, I can think of all kinds of scandals surrounding them. Everyone will see it, once I'm finished with them they'll both have to flee back to europe"

They slam open the doors to the newspaper club to find the twins waiting for them. "So we were right all along"

"You two"

"well, I guess it was pretty obvious"

"The boss and Y/n are the only ones who haven't caught on yet, well, she'll know soon enough, both of them are quite oblivious when it pertains to anything about themselves"

"I should warn you, if you threaten either of them, there will be concequences" "Are you ready to have the Hitachiins and every other club members' family as your enemy?"

"I knew it, you're nothing but Suoh's lackeys! Tamaki's holding his parents' power over you"

"That's not true, we don't hang out with tama-chan because of his parents. We love him. We all like being around him, and that's why we choose to be here."

"He may be a hopeless idiot but even so" Kyoya appears against the wall the door is on, hand on your shoulder.

"Well what will you do?"

"Please leave Tama-chan alone, okay?"

"I'll get you all! It's not just about him anymore! I'll write an article that will ruin all of you"

The president squints at you and Kyoya, assessing his body language and the interactions he had in the past couple of days. "Oh I see now, it's so obvious I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. Your family's have paired you two haven't they?"

You and Kyoya fall silent, you had to admit that you had underestimated him enough to assume he wouldn't put it together. "That's why you came to Japan of all places, why you're always together, they want to combine the forces of the Ootori and l/n groups"

You note how Kyoya's grip tightens at the words. "How perfect, I can both expose your engagement to drive away host club guests and write an article that will tear the deal apart"

"Go ahead, be my guest" your jaw drops at Kyoya's words as he wanders over to the first aidkit he had gifted them. "Although..." he presses a panel at the bottom of the box, ejecting a disk.

"What should we do about this little disk? You see it's been here since yesterday, and it recorded everything. It would only take y/n one phone call and it would be all over the country. How do you think your father would react to that?"

"President just give up already" He falls to his knees.

"Let me explain it to you in terms you can understand. You would do well to remember that the ootori group and the hitachiin family alone have enough stock to remove your father from his position as president of the Komatsuzawa publishing firm. However, we would never do something like that. We are not like you. What we strive for is fundamentally different."

The president is still on his knees as you go to leave the room "You're just as twisted as your father" you pause at the words. Leaving only him, you and kyoya in the room. You shake your head.

"No i am nothing like my father, I don't betray the people I trust, I am sorry for what he did to your father. But you don't think I'm twisted because I am similar to him, you just don't want to admit that you have started to become like him"

You leave, kyoya following behind.

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

Eventually you found where Tamaki and Haruhi disappeared to within the hedge maze, now on the way out for cake. "Why didn't you tell me about planting the bug in the Newspaper club?" You ask Kyoya, the rest of the club ahead. "i didn't know how you'd react, I knew it would be the best way to ensure that no harmful articles came out, I had a feeling komatsuzawa would pull something like this once you mention how you two know each other"

you pause, realising exactly how many times Kyoya has gone out of his way to protect you despite him not needing to.

'You love him, don't you? is that romantic love or something else?'

Mori's voice rang around your head, almost taunting you.

pressure seized itself in your chest as you realise a few things.

You had let Kyoya in. For the first time in your life it was you and him, not just you.

"Come on y/n! We don't want to lose you" Tamaki called from further ahead.

Next time on patience 'A refreshing battle in Karuizawa!'

Tag list (reply to be added): @skottch @cgmajor @rebirthbunbun @bbybubbles @blueberry19000 @katgirl05 @smellslikelovinglies @veras-fanfic-reblogs @sadprimrose @mirtalikesdr @sleeplesssskeleton @ritzes28 @crackpeole @rory-cakes @renjunniex @II-kita-san-II @angelicwillows @missbrebre1012 @sleep-7372 @strawberrbitch @reticent-writer @eternal-dokja @meme848 @mistyhydrangeagarden

[stilljuststardust]

I'm so sick 😭

Peoples perception of faces are so warped. Every time I see one of those "feature appreciation" or "what kind of face do you have" slideshows they don't show half of the features accurately. People do this with lips a lot. I'll literally see lips with lip filler in compilations and I'm just like??? They're moderate just with a pronounced cupid's bow. People are so used to the extreme.

Jawlines, they almost NEVER show soft jawlines, only softer in comparison to sharper ones. Yes, the lips could be bigger, the jaw could be sharper, but that doesn't change the fact that they just aren't what we say they are.

People can't make genuine "appreciation" posts because they haven't actually accepted the features they're trying to spread positivity for. The ACTUAL photos of these features would be too far for them so they just post the less extreme version of existing beauty standards.

We are SO used to editing, filler, filters that we do not know what people look like anymore.

Those videos where women in their early twenties show their skin in the sun with no filter. No wrinkles, just the occasional patch of acne and pores and they get TORN apart, mostly by other women. "You look 63" no you just haven't seen a woman without a filter in 5 years.

[madonnamadeofasphalt]

EA & Bioware honestly did an incredible job at killing any enthusiasm I had for a new Dragon Age. Fucking hell, man, I've played the first two games so much I could probably go through them with closed eyes and still pick all the right dialogue options to get My Exact Personally Canonized Plot. And the only reason I didn't do the same thing with DA:I is because it was made after EA completely gave up on optimizing their shit so the fucking thing takes up like a billion terabytes of disc space and takes 10 hours to download and install. I honestly think it's the best-written cRPG franchise to ever have a budget that doesn't involve a list of Kickstarter backers or getting an eccentric Estonian billionaire fixated on the project. And the gameplay is also there, I don't really care about that part.

Then they proceeded to fire all the talent that made me love those first three games, and scratch and restart the production twice, and be suspiciously cagey with any details or gameplay footage for a fucking decade, so my hype consistently went down and down. And yet I still managed to hold out some hope that somehow, by some miracle, it wouldn't fucking suck.

I kept that hope until the trailer dropped. You know the one. The one where we see a bearded Varric. This, I think, was the exact moment when I lost any desire to play fucking Veilguard.

Like, first of all, Varric being there at all is already an issue. Leave the man alone. His presence was already kinda forced in DA:I. And after DA:I and Tresspasser, his story couldn't be more finished if he got killed, eaten, shitted out, condemned to hell, redeemed by divine sacrifice, bathed for eternity in the everlasting light. There is no point to Varric anymore. Whatever arc they've given him in Veilguard, and I don't even give a shit enough to read the spoilers before writing this post, it has no business existing. Fuck you. The only reason he's there is because he's a recognizable IP, and when you're a certain kind of soulless corporate moron, you think there's nothing more important than putting a recognizable IP in whatever new bullshit you're trying to peddle. Maybe if you didn't fire every decent writer in your trash fucking company, you'd have someone to tell you about the importance of Ending The Fucking Story When The Story Fucking Ends.

But that's not even the core of the problem. Beard? they gave Varric a Beard? Varric I fucking hate everything that's even tangentially connected to dwarven culture with a passion which is why I've made a point to shave my beard all my life to spite anyone who gives a fuck about it Tethras? beard? you gave him a beard? He changed so much offscreen in the goddamn timeskip between these two games that he got a motherfucking berd? fucshhfdbeard? feadsgfsvarricafgfdh BEARD? yyousftoiuslyhhabevarricasgsfucningbeardandthivkimgosabedineditit?beard????

PS. (edit after finding out spoilers) I've gone to TV Tropes to read up on Varric's role in DATV after writing this (just in case I'm wrong and dumb, and there's actually a deeply compelling narrative reason for his presence), and, well, this shit is cheaper than I thought. And more importantly, just as I thought, there appears to be no justification for the beard beyond "adding a beard is a cliche way to show that a bunch of time has passed, and we didn't care enough to think this shit through". I'm fucking tired, man.

PPS. (edit after reading the rest of big spoilers) This is so much worse than I could even begin to suspect. This is worse than the final season of Game of Thrones. This is the final season of Game of Thrones if they straight-up fired GRRM, burned his notes and hired a showrunner who's only read a one-page summary of the first six seasons. This is fucking depressing, man. I'm genuinely fucking sad. So many subplots that were started over the course of these three games, that were clearly going somewhere, scrapped in favour of a simplistic good vs. evil story that would get rejected by fucking CD-Projekt in 2007 for being too basic. All because the artists who poured their hearts and souls into this bullshit franchise got thrown out like trash by its "owners". Morrigan's kid, the Well of Sorrows, all the implied complexities of Tevinter politics, the Crows, the Old Gods, Andraste. All went to shit. Death to capitalism.