#we did well in school and BOTH have ambitions in life that were completely ruined and wasted from a childhood

[adustoflove]

My parents did NOT like me 💀

[maadorii]

you’re gonna wanna be my best friend— y. itadori x gn! reader

max.note’s: this is my child, my baby and i love it. probably my favorite fic i’ve ever wrote uwu i think the ending is bit rushed but that’s i was writing this at 4am (i’m also trying out a new layout-ish so yea) 

synopsis—where you and Itadori came up with the greatest, yet stupidest idea in your lives: getting married to lower your tuition cost. what could go wrong? well, there’s getting caught by the government, and then there’s potentially falling in love with your best friend. 

warning/tags: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, characters aged up (18+), high school/college au, modern au, fluff & crack, megumi is the only one with a working brain cell 

w. count— 3.1k

“yuuji, what’re we gonna do!?” you exclaimed, pacing around the open space of said boy’s bedroom. itadori groaned loudly from his spot on his bed, tugging at the skin underneath his eyes with him. 

looking down at the bright, bold red letters of the opened email on your phone screen, you internally cried to yourself, because… fuck. this is what all the hard work all four-years of high school led up to?

25, 580 dollars worth tuition left to pay, out of pocket. 

“i don’t fucking know. ...wait, do you think megumi would have an answer?” he perked up at his own, and quite frankly, idiotic idea like an excited puppy. if you squint you can see a tail wagging behind him. turning around to look at the pink headed boy, you practically leaped across the room to slap him repeatedly upside his head. 

“ow– hey... ouch! what the fuck?!” itadori whined, lifting his arms up to shield himself way from your merciless assault. “yuuji, are you dumb? we cannot, for the love of god, ask megumi. he’ll probably tell us to apply for a loan or something.” you snapped. 

“we’ll do that then, it can’t be that hard.” 

“have you seen your credit? there’s no way we're getting approved for a loan.” you exasperated as you folded your arms across your chest, plopping yourself down next to itadori. and the both of you were left to sit in condemning silence that laid itself like a thick, winter blanket over you. itadori could’ve sworn he heard the gears turning in your head because of the stark silence. 

you suddenly gasped, jumping to your feet. it was almost like a lightbulb went off on the top of your head. itadori gaped at you as your eyes lit up like stars, turning to him, it was your ‘aha’ moment. the biggest smile he’s ever seen on your face. he couldn’t help the tinge of nervousness settle in the pit of his tummy, probably for good reason.  

“here me out– what if we got married?” 

-

you and itadori meet in the lunchroom on the first day of school your freshman year of high school.

to say you meet by pure coincidence is actually a perfect explanation to describe what really went down. you remember how you sat alone at the lunch table, scrolling through your phone on social media when all of a sudden a rather energetic boy with pink hair crashed into your table. face planted in your bowl of greek yogurt. and it was the fancy kind too. 

the cafeteria around you erupted in laughter at the... spontaneous display happening before you. and although you wanted to laugh (in all honesty, it was funny), the boy below hasn’t moved an inch. truthfully, you were worried. 

“hey, um, are you okay?” you asked, nudging the top of his head. itadori didn’t show any sign of getting up. you nudged him a little harder, shaking his shoulder. with a gurgled grunt, itadori lifted his head from the bowl and the first thing that caught your eye was the crimson colored blood smeared along the stark white of the yogurt. there was a delirious look in his eye as if he wasn’t completely there in the real world. the laughter has long since died down, only a few strangers coming up to the table to record the aftermath. 

when itadori came to, he peered up at you through his yogurt clumped eyelashes and he felt his heart tighten considerably in his chest. 

“you okay? you’re... bleeding, a lot.” you asked again, gesturing to the entirety of his face. he didn’t say anything as he wiped around his nose, seeing the blood covered dairy. he looked mortified, now catching onto the stares and cameras by nosy teenagers being shoved in his face. reacting quickly, you reached out to one his unoccupied hand, gently guiding him in the direction of the nurses office. your footsteps echoed as you walked down the empty hallway, itadori following close behind you. neither of you said anything during the trip, nor when you entered the nurse’s office. it wasn’t until you had a warm wash rag against itadori’s cheek, wiping away the food and blood mixture, that he finally said something. 

“i’m... sorry, for ruining your lunch...” you stopped in your tracks, left to ponder in your thoughts. he’s sitting here with a busted lip and a shattered dignity... and he’s apologizing for face planting in your yogurt?

“hey, you have bigger things to worry about. so, what’s your name?” you continued to wipe at his face, waiting for him to reply.

“yuuji itadori.” and you saw the slightest glimpse of a smile tugging at the corner of his rosy lips. you returned the smile, teeth showing. 

from then on, you two were joined at the hip. there wasn’t anything you didn’t do together. 

there was something about itadori that brought out the inner child in you. he was sweet, loyal and compassionate. he was a lamp to a moth– hard to resist. hard to ignore. he was your first taste of an easy going life, being able to enjoy being a kid. 

on the other hand, you were the foundation he needed. you were open minded, authentic and grounded. you were the first thing in itadori’s life that felt stable. obtainable. your ambition turned into his drive; he wanted to be by your side for as long as possible. 

you both were something– somebody, each other needed the most. it’s like what they say: the best people in your life come when you need them the most. 

-

“are you two dumb or something? now, i expect this kinda thing from yuuji, but not you.”megumi quipped, left eyebrow arched in concern as he gestured towards your direction with his pencil. nobara in a similar state next to him, working on the worksheet the teacher handed out earlier. it was currently mid-way through the school day, you, itadori, megumi and nobara sat at your assigned table in statistics. it’s been about a week since your discussion with itadori about your... rather brilliant idea. 

“well, that’s harsh.” itadori grumbled, flipping him off. megumi snorted as he returned the gesture. “okay, now listen! they’re explaining the thingy.” 

you cleared your throat, sitting up straight to try to make yourself look dignified. “when applying for financial aid, if you’re married, we’ll be considered an independent on the document. meaning? more money!” 

“okay, well that’s great and all but, you do know you’ll be responsible for each other legally? as in, medical and money expenses. what would you do if either one of you dies? ” megumi questioned. you chuckled, wrapping your arm around itadori’s neck. “i’ve been legally responsible for him since freshman year, what’ll be the difference?” 

megumi rolled his eyes, burying his head in his hands. “god, you’re both so helpless.” 

“you know what megumi? i hope both sides of your pillow are warm when you go to sleep tonight.” itadori gasped in shock, hand reaching up to grip the cotton fabric of the shirt he was wearing. nobara snickered behind her hand to which megumi prompted to shift in her direction, whispering something along the lines of “don’t encourage them!”

“(y/n)! you did not just say that!?”

“i sure as hell did. and i’ll say it again!” you snapped your fingers, jutting out your hip. “and they’ll say it again!” itadori said, copying your actions.

megumi and nobara only watched in pity as the two of you continued to embarrass yourself in the middle of the classroom, other classmates turning to catch a peak of the commotion.

“wait, i got one, i got one! ahem, i hope you pour yourself a nice, big bowl of cereal of— what do you eat? apple jacks? only for there to be no milk!” 

you sputtered out a laugh, pounding your fist on the table. itadori was loud with laughter as well, body slung over the back of the chair.

megumi sighed, picking up his pencil to erase a mistake he spotted on his paper. he watched as the eraser smudged the lead on the paper instead of actually erasing it. watching the scene unfold before you, wheezing out another laugh, and clutching on to your stomach for relief. 

“shut the fuck up, the both of you.”

-

graduation was only a month away. 

teachers were cramming review lessons left and right. completing any last minute work to turn in. senior activities, trips, prom, and getting ready for what was to be the biggest day of your life. where all your hard work and putting up with the shitty ass public school system for 13 years will finally pay off. 

at least that’s how they make it seem. 

itadori was currently sitting in megumi’s living room, sprawled out on the floor like a starfish. his political science textbook laid open next to him. he’s been unusually quiet this afternoon, megumi noted when he would glance up from his own textbook in his lap.

“hey, yuuji? something the matter?”

itadori didn’t respond right away, instead, he shifted himself closer to megumi to lay his head on the other boy's lap. caught surprised by his actions, megumi tried to shove his head off but itadori being the stubborn man he was wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“god, you’re so annoying—“

“then why are you still friends with me?” his words were quick and sharp like a kitchen knife. and megumi had to take a second to pause. “is this what this is about?” itadori still hasn’t said anything, his body curling in on itself. eventually, he shook his head no. 

“alright... then what’s wrong?” 

megumi watched as itadori twiddled with fingers, reluctant to share his feelings with the other male. you see, the thing is that although megumi and itadori have been friends since middle school, they found it hard to share each other's feelings. especially megumi. they’ve always been the “i don’t know how to talk about my feelings so let me enjoy your company for a while?” type of friends. except for that one time. 

“it’s just... i’m not so sure if i want to marry (y/n) anymore...” megumi could barely hear what itadori said, but he caught it. and color him surprised. “have you finally come to senses that it’s a stupid idea?” 

“no, it’s not that–” megumi sighed internally, “–it’s just, what if our relationship changes after it’s finalized? we planned to do it after graduation a-and– it’s just a really scary thing to think about.” itadori’s voice began to warble, and megumi could feel his body tremble as the boy beneath tried to hold in his tears. 

in all the years they’ve known each other, itadori has only cried once in front of him. and that was the night of his 16th birthday. because itadori didn’t come from the best home, and at the time, only megumi knew of such disclosed information. 

“they said it themselves, you guys have always taken care of each other. so why do you think it’ll change things?” he gently tried to coax itadori into calming down, his hand stroking the soft tufts of his hair. thumb caressing his buzzcut. itadori sniffed, and megumi can hear the disgusting sound of snot being sucked back in his nostrils, but he refrained himself from reacting. 

“b-because, i just don’t want my feelings to get in the way, ya’ know? this is simply supposed to be platonic, but it isn’t anymore. at least for me.” 

and right then and there, megumi’s suspicions were confirmed. itadori did have feelings for you. more than what a best friend should have. “your feelings? and what might these feelings be, yuuji?” 

“that i want to spend a very long time with them, by their side. but not as their best friend. something more than that.” he let out a shuddered  exhale, and the room was engulfed with silence. megumi took this time to process what itadori said, the last four words resonating in his mind. 

something more than that.

megumi shifted itadori’s body off his, moving to sit up on his own. and that’s when he saw his face for the first time; his red-brimmed eyes and how the tears clumped his willowy eyelashes together. the tremble in his lips because, damn, he’s trying so hard to hold it in. 

he didn’t have anything to say– there wasn’t much to say to begin with, but megumi wrapped his arms around itadori in a hug. he felt him relax against his body, taking in the cool scent of his sweater. 

“it’s okay to be scared, yuuji, but i believe... you’re smart enough to make the right decision.” 

 - 

standing underneath the blazing summer heat, you stood in front of the court house waiting for itadori to show up. today was supposed to be the day, where you and itadori were to be married. it’s been thirty minutes and no itadori in sight. which is unlike him considering that he is, surprisingly, very punctual. he hasn’t even responded to any of your texts or calls, which also isn’t very much like him.

but those thirty minutes turned into an hour, that soon turned into two hours. 

and to say you were angry, was a complete understatement. you were livid. and that’s how you found yourself banging on itadori’s front door, ignoring the stares of the noisy next door neighbor peeping through their window. 

“yuuji! open the fucking door! i know your ass is in there, i can see your minecraft lamp turned on from your window.” you shouted, breathing heavily through your nose. there wasn’t an immediate response, only dead silence, which prompted you to raise your fist to go another round of beating up the door until the faint sound of footsteps reached the door. opening with a creak. 

there stood the man of the hour, yuuji ita- fucking- dori.

“there you are! dude, what the hell happened? why didn’t you show up at the courthouse today? did you forget or...” you were quick to jump the gun, bombarding him with questions left and right. 

“no... i didn’t forget.” was his reply, eye downcast to look at his sock clad feet. anywhere but your face right now. 

“then what yuuji? what could’ve been so important that you decided to just forget?” you flayed your arms around like a mad man, the anger rolling off your body in waves. you knew that you weren’t necessarily being fair to him right now, you can tell by his stand-offish attitude since opening the door. but you couldn’t bring yourself to care at the moment. 

itadori was reluctant to answer, his legs wobbly with the anxiety running rampant in his system. he was tempted to say sorry and be done with this, but then he remembered megumi’s words.    

...you’re smart enough to make the right decision. 

“because... because this isn’t a good idea anymore.” now you’re more confused than angry. 

“what do you mean this isn’t a good idea anymore,” you asked, placing your hand on your hip. “that's not what you said 4 months ago.” 

itadori sighed, starting to feel the twinge of annoyance in the tips of his fingers. he was starting to regret his choice of words. “i know what i said 4 months ago. but now 4 months later, i’ve changed my mind.” 

you wanted to laugh, but you couldn’t muster a bubble of it in your system. was he for real right now? 

“oh really? and why do you say that?” 

“it’ll change everything.” the reply was short. straight to the point. 

“what? no, it won’t! don’t be silly, we’ll still be best friends!” you try to muse, but itadori wasn’t budging. his face was disdained, detached from the world. the answer was sitting on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn’t ready to say it. especially in front of you. 

taking in his physique, your mind started to slow. you didn’t want to go there but you couldn’t help it. it was only natural, right? 

he’s been off putting since the graduation ceremony two weeks ago. he was so bright and happy that day, shoving his diploma in megumi’s face a numerous number of times. you remember the scream he let out when your name was called to walk across the stage of the arena. how embarrassed you felt as you did so, but a twinge of giddy happiness filled your chest. because he was calling out your name. your heart always did leap with joy when his attention was on you, and only you. the way he had you wrapped around his finger, without him even knowing. it takes you back to when you two first met, how you were so captivated by his amber eyes. the sudden urge to be there. to always be there and to be more. 

so... “do you not like me anymore? is this what this is about now?” it came out a whispered, and itadori was shocked nonetheless. now what were you talking about? 

“what, no! of course i still like you!” you almost laughed at how quickly he responded.

“then why? why did you–”

“i just didn’t want to make things awkward between us! i didn’t want to ruin our friendship with my... stupid feelings.” glancing up, you can see the slightest tint of pink on the roundness of his cheeks. awkward? ruin? 

you took a step forward, your hand reaching to hold his. kindly, thumbing his knuckles with your thumb. the way he always liked it. 

“yuuji, your feelings are never stupid. i’m your best friend–” with a frustrated huff, itadori ripped his hand away from yours. 

“but that’s the thing though! best friend this and best friend that– what if i don’t want to be your best friend anymore, hm? what if–” make the right decision, “what if i want to be more than that?”

more than that?

“you want to be more than friends? is what you’re saying.” itadori can almost feel himself shit his pants. 

that giddy feeling that always erupted whenever you were around him expanded ten fold. you’ll be damned: your best friend of four and a half years, was in love with you. the smile that you struggled to fight bloomed with mirth on your face. and itadori followed suit, reaching out to hold your hand once more.

not much needed to be said, the smile on your face was enough for him to put it all together. for once, he was actually smart enough to make a decision. a good one at that. 

copyright © 2021 maadorii. all rights reserved. 

[mariamermaid]

Darkest Nights

Regulus Black x fem Reader

Summary: It was blatant, that the day of your wedding would come. Yet, you feared it as much as he did.

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: Angst, arranged marriage

A/N: I don´t know too much about Regulus, which is why I decided to interpret this oneshot in my own way. (Also, Timothee Chalamet as Regulus= chefs kiss)

 Denial was the first stage you encountered. Blatantly you had been prepared for it your entire life, but when the message reached you, it was still denial. It couldn´t be true, you were promised more time. Time to live.

Any excuse sounded better than the one thrown into your face: There was no other option.

You recalled word for word in your head as you starred at yourself in the large mirror. It should be an honor, you´ll be a good wife, you´ll have a big house. But none of it mattered to you, your priorities laid differently in society. Will I be happy?

The mirror, the room and the entire house was furnished with golden details; flowers, flourishes and patterns. It reminded you of the palaces in the renaissance period. You had loved the paintings from the time, but finding yourself in a similar ensemble on your wedding day felt all too wrong.

A knock appeared on the door and your mother entered, stunned with her hand over her heart as she admired you. The two servants, who had helped you to get ready, carefully stepped back. Their work was done. If it weren´t for your mother´s sake, you´d thank them from the bottom of your heart.

“You look absolutely gorgeous, he´ll be very pleased to see you.”

Yeah, because that´s all that mattered. Your eyes wandered back to your silhouette in the mirror; long, delicate arms of lace traveled down your skin, the train measured at least ten feet and the veil, which was still placed to show your face, followed the train. Your mother handed you the flower bouquet, white, blue and lavender. Then she pulled the veil over your face and nodded a last time. “Your father will be waiting for you downstairs. They´re all ready.”

 Heavy chains were attached to your feet and each step you took, was harder.

Outside the hall, where the ceremony would take place, your father waited for you. He matched your mother´s dark attire, but as so often, he loved the embellishments on his suit. In your opinion, they always looked disgustingly conceiting and plump on him. Every cell in your body screamed for you to run and as you stepped inside the large hall, you wondered why you didn´t listen to your heart. Like the rest of the villa, it was stunning and a true architectural treasure. Dark, even wood was spread on the floor and the walls were delicately painted in cool grey tones. Against the gold details, the walls looked like painted clouds, dreamy and far away.

Within the dark ensemble the white spot like a ray of sunshine; you.

Why didn´t you run?

Would it be so bad to never see your family again? A family that had no emotional connection to you, you were never told, how much they loved you or even appreciated you.

You could live a free life, away from all pressure and deciding how you wanted to live. If you wanted to get marry, or not and even more importantly, who.

The painful truth was, that running even as far as you could, only brought you time. You were their only child, their only way to safely secure, pleasant and reputable future. They would find you eventually and by the mark on their forearms, it wouldn´t be a reencounter to spread joy.

Under the veil, none of them saw your shivering jaw and your blinking eyes in tears as you made your way to the altar.

Your father´s hand, softly put over the arm you had linked with this, grabbed you harsh enough to stop you from running. It might have looked like a lovingly scene, how he approached Regulus and placed your hand in his, but it wasn´t.

It felt like somebody threw away the keys from your chains.

Oh, right, Regulus was there as well.

You had barely acknowledged his presence, which was surprising due to the fact that he was your soon to be husband. You would never, not even on your deathbed, admit it, but he looked attractive. Plenty of times you had seen him wear a neat black suit, but today he didn´t look like Mommy´s boy put in attire. Somehow, he looked like a true man in front of the altar.

He seemed so steady and calm, was he even pressured into this?

You had spent almost your entire school career knowing him, he was a year older, but you couldn´t remember a singular conversation between the two of you. You started believing, you never had one.

Regulus wasn´t the scrawny kid anymore. He was tall and had a sleek figure, which he had proved many times as Slytherin´s seeker. His dark, rather short locks framed his angular face and his high cheekbones. He truly looked like a perfect descendant for a pure-blooded family.

His hand was warm, no hint of nervousness, while yours was as cold as ice. He barely glanced at you, both of you facing the altar and the wizard, who guided you through the ceremony.

He was a man of at least sixty years, grey hair and beard, but everything that left his lips, barely entered your conscience.

Finally, it felt like years, the peak of the ceremony had come.

You turned to Regulus, carefully and slowly, his long fingers grabbed the edge of your veil and pulled it back to reveal your face.

What did you expect to see in his expression? Excitement? Awe? Admiration?

For a split second, his jaw tensed, but he turned back to his neutral expression. You didn´t know how to pinpoint those bare split seconds, where his façade had vanished,  and you didn´t like, not knowing how he felt. Was he glad to marry you? Was he only looking forward to this, because you were pure-blooded? Did he find you pretty or at least attractive? Or did he find you so attractive, that he wouldn´t hold himself back? Would he follow his instincts and ignore your potential feelings?

You wanted to curse and scream, but your eyes were glued on his lips and you felt how the magical string wrapped around your hands.

“Today Y/N and Regulus join their lives in the union of marriage. Before I declare you to one another, I want to hear you confirm that it is indeed your intention to be married today.”

The lie couldn´t be bigger. A no was stuck in the back of your throat.

“Now I ask you; Do you, Regulus Arcturus Black, take the hereby Y/N Y/L/N as you wife? If so, repeat after me.”

You waited for a stutter, but Regulus repeated the words without hesitation.

“I, Regulus Arcturus Black, take you Y/N Y/L/N, to be my wedded wife. I give to you in the presence of these witnesses, my promise to stay by your side, In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow. And cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

“Bride, please repeat after me.”

Oh, dear Merlin help me to not completely ruin this.

“I, Y/L Y/L/N, take you Regulus Arcturus Black, to be my wedded husband. I give to you in the presence of these witnesses, my promise to stay by your side, In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow. And cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

The magical promise, which wrapped around your hands like a hot string, tightened as the words left your mouth.

“I now announce you, husband and wife!” You felt how the golden glistening oath disappeared, but you still felt the warmth pressing against your skin. It was done. All plans and hopes for this not to happen, were completely useless. You were now officially Y/N Black, wife to Regulus Black. Regulus eyes pierced into yours, somehow you took the last of your strength to keep up the eye contact. Then, to your biggest surprise, he offered you the smallest hint of a smile.

 “Even the most beautiful places turn dark during night.”

Regulus´s voice was steady, but quiet. For the first time this evening, he spoke to you in his own will. Without the pressure of a family member watching. You glanced at him, while his eyes were stuck on the ensemble. He was right, it was beautiful.

The light walls were barely enlightened anymore and the golden details, which glistened from time to time, seemed to float in the air. The delicate paint strokes had become invisible, vanishing into dark. Regulus fitted in, with his dark suit, green attire and jet-black locks and you contrasted him in a way, that couldn´t be more opposing. The white fabric attracted the last bit of light, like the rising moon beneath carpet of golden stars.

You had spent the early evening, which was turning into night already, with careless and empty conversation. Even though Regulus was at your side for most of it, you didn´t even perceive him. You were too focused on not crying, not running, not saying the wrong things, not falling over your dress, not eating too much food, not smiling too much, not fake smiling enough and not being you.

“I meant it, you do look stunning”, he added, tilting his head ever so slightly in your direction. Previously, the words had seemed nonchalantly thrown into a conversation. Now, it sounded honest and against his offish body language, Regulus was different beneath his façade.

“Thank you”, you replied with barely a whisper.

For once, he wished to be more like his brother Sirius, who swept of girls with no effort and compliments fell of his lips like the lies for his pranks. Of course, he wasn´t there.

Regulus never imagined that his bride would be you or even closely like you. He remembered you from school, something he never told anymore. Back then, you had barely exchanged words. You knew about each other´s existence, but a safe distance was kept. However, he remembered the evenings at the library. Where you had sat quite focused, tapping with your pen against the book. You had watched every single of his Quidditch games and you cheered.

You were cunning and smart, driven by your own ambition to surpass yourself, but unlike him, you were empathic. People approached you easily, feeling enchanted by your natural politeness. Regulus had become used to the shadow side; people evaded to not get in is way. They avoided him, not knowing what lied behind his dark exterior. Maybe they even feared him.

He knew it was wrong for him to feel relieved to find you in the spot of his bride, he was bereaving you of all prospective dreams and a chance for true love.

“I´m sorry.”

The apology took you by surprise and your head snapped towards him. “For what?”

He sighed, knowing he couldn´t dodge the eye contact anymore. “For having to marry me.”

The emphasis clearly laid on the word me, even though he tried to hide it.  

“Are you happy to have me as your-“, you paused. You had never said it out loud. “As your wife?”

He chuckled. Regulus Black chuckled. “I knew marrying out of love was never an option, but honestly, you´re the best bride I could´ve wished for.”

He quickly became serious again, too fast for your taste. “You´re not like them, not as posh or artificial.”

“Apparently, neither are you.” You added, feeling how your body leaned a little closer to his.

“I try my best.”

The dark had covered expectations and superficiality and what was left, was a man at your side, who was honest and real. Not perfect, but not cruel. You didn´t fear him anymore and more importantly, you didn´t fear potential actions. He wouldn´t lay a hand on you, unless you would allow to do so. There was only one apprehension left, the dark mark burning on his arm.

You didn´t know how or why, but that obligation was reserved from you. Slytherin or not, pureblood or not, you weren´t evil. You weren´t one his fealty and you swore on your life, that it wouldn´t change.

Regulus felt your apprehension, but for now he wasn´t ready to share the perilous information with you. The horcrux inside the cave was his secret, but if it meant keeping you safe and sound, he was ready to risk it. For now, it was his task to make you believe him. Regulus Black wasn´t evil and he didn´t share the Dark Lords radical views. The dark mark on his arm was just like the ring on his finger, an inescapable path.

Carefully, but with clear intention, he took your hand. “I will never hurt you; I promise.”

You saw something inside his eyes sparkling, but you couldn´t pinpoint it. Pressing your lips together, you starred at the rings on your fingers. “You shouldn´t make a promise you can´t keep.” He opened his mouth to disagree.

“But promise me to be honest; talk to me Regulus. I don´t want this to be a marriage of secrets and intrigues.” He nodded agreeing. “I promise it, do you?”

“Yes.”

Cautiously, as if you could break beneath his touch, he placed a strand of hair behind your ear and slowly, waiting if you would push away his action, he placed a kiss on your forehead. You didn´t push him away, catching yourself almost leaning into it.

Yes, even the most beautiful places turned dark during night, but tonight the darkness revealed true nature. And in this darkest hour, the two of you were shining together strong as the brightest light.

[joachimnapoleon]

Hello, Can you tell me about the relationship between Joachim Murat and Caroline Bonaparte. Thank you.

I've been wanting to write about their relationship more in-depth for a long time, but I've been putting it off for various reasons, so thanks for giving me an excuse to finally get down to it. :) And... this is probably going to be pretty long. Their relationship was very complicated and often tempestuous (I could use that exact phrasing to describe Murat's relationship with Napoleon, but that's another, possibly even longer post, for another day).

I'm still not entirely certain how I feel about Caroline. She has been greatly maligned over the years, and is, in my opinion, the most misunderstood and demonized of all the Bonaparte siblings aside from Napoleon himself. So much of what we know (or think we know) about her, derives from memoirs that were largely hostile to her; she left none of her own (though her daughter Louise and granddaughter Caroline did). Her remaining published correspondence is sparse, and very one-sided; she apparently was in the habit of destroying most of her received correspondence, including nearly every letter she ever received from her husband, and Murat almost never kept copies of the ones he sent her. So there is this gaping hole in their correspondence where you almost never have Murat's voice. This lost correspondence has been the biggest bane of my existence since I started studying Murat a few years ago.

Their first meeting may have been at Mombello in 1797, but if so, it would've been brief, as Murat only stayed there for a short time before returning to Brescia (and his then-mistress, Madame Ruga). But it seems to have been long enough for Caroline to have become completely infatuated with him, and to confess her feelings for him to Hortense while they were together at Madame Campan's school. She didn't see him again until after the Egyptian campaign, but their courtship seems to have taken off once he was back in Paris. Caroline became bent on marrying him, and Napoleon was opposed to it, only reluctantly signing the marriage contract in January of 1800 and then spitefully not attending the wedding. Apparently it was Josephine who persuaded Napoleon to let the two marry, hoping to finally secure an ally among the Bonaparte siblings. She developed a sort of motherly affection for Caroline early on, but Caroline eventually ended up--whether due to the influence of Joseph and Lucien Bonaparte, or her jealousy of Hortense--firmly in the anti-Beauharnais camp, and Murat and Josephine, who had initially had a good relationship, also became enemies over the next few years.

The early years of their marriage were, from all indications, happy. They had four children in fairly quick succession. They were a very affectionate couple--often publicly so, to the point where a disturbed Madame Campan finally asked Hortense to urge Caroline to show some restraint.

They endured a long period of separation very early in their marriage--the first of many, adding up to several total years spent apart between 1800 and their final parting in May of 1815. Murat was sent to take command of a force in Italy in November 1800 while Caroline was pregnant with their first child; they did not see each other again until May of the following year. There are a couple of letters within Murat's published correspondence that hint that, though he at first attempted to remain faithful to his wife during this interim, he may have given up on the endeavor prior to their reunion. The diplomat Charles Alquier, who befriended Murat in Italy, wrote to him in April 1801, lamenting not being able to spend a few days with him in Florence, teasing that he "would like to witness your gallant successes there and hear you talk about your marital fidelity, without believing it in the slightest." The following month, after the arrival of Caroline, Alquier teases Murat again along these lines, in a postscript that reads "It was about time that Madame Murat arrived in Florence, or your hard-pressed fidelity was about to escape you." He had almost certainly resumed his affair with Madame Ruga during this period.

After the birth of their fourth child, Louise, in March of 1805, Caroline was not pregnant again until 1810 (she would end up miscarrying while Joachim was waging his Sicilian campaign). This has led some historians to conclude that there was a "physical separation" between them, a rift of some sort in their relationship. This may have been the case, but I haven't found much evidence on it either way. There is very little remaining correspondence between the two during this period. Murat was away for long periods due to multiple wars, plus the time he spent in Spain in 1808 prior to taking the throne of Naples that year. Neither of them were faithful to the other. Murat, who was in his early thirties and quite set in his womanizing ways when he married Caroline, doesn't seem to have been either capable of, or interested in, monogamous relations, and at some point this seems to have taken enough of a toll on Caroline that she apparently decided to follow suit. Hortense records an encounter with Caroline from the mid-1800s where Caroline's "sole topic of conversation was the joy of loving and being loved. Her affection for her husband, which once had been so violent, seemed to have diminished. She was now attracted by the charms of a pure liaison."

Over the years Caroline allegedly had affairs with Charles de Flahaut (who was also Hortense's lover), Junot, and Metternich. One of her biographers has theorized that Caroline carried out each of these affairs for the primary purpose of future political leverage (Junot, for instance, was the Governor of Paris at the time). Another theory I've encountered is that she picked these men as a sort of game of one-upsmanship over her female rivals--to show Hortense that she could take Flahaut from her; to show Laure Junot that she could have her husband or her later lover Metternich if she wanted, etc. I... don't really have an opinion on this one way or the other. Caroline was definitely ambitious, and also capable of petty jealousies. What affairs she had (or allegedly had), were of short duration and so far I've come across nothing to convince me that she ever actually fell in love with anyone other than Murat.

Out of the two of them, you may as well flip a coin as to which one was more ambitious. I think, in the end, Joachim managed to overtake Caroline in that department, when he got it into his head to try to become the king of a united Italy while Caroline just wanted to preserve their throne in Naples after Napoleon left Elba. But early in their relationship, Caroline seems to have been the one most obsessed with titles--throwing a fit until Napoleon conceded in granting her and Elisa the title of "Princess". Once Caroline was a princess, she wanted to be a queen, especially after her friend/rival Hortense became the queen of Holland via being married to her brother Louis. Joachim and Caroline were essential to each others' elevation, and they both recognized this; and this recognition, along with their devotion to their children, were the two things that kept them united even when they were temporarily at odds with each other. Once he had obtained the title of "prince" by virtue of being Caroline's husband, Murat became as obsessed as Caroline with the idea of having a throne. Napoleon himself later blamed Caroline for putting grandiose ideas into Murat's head, which then, in his words, "hatched chimeras." He also took it for granted that it had been Caroline who had pushed Murat into defecting from Napoleon and signing the treaty with Austria in 1814, and remarked that Caroline had tremendous influence over her husband.

The irony of Joachim and Caroline Murat achieving the height of their ambition by being given the throne of Naples, is that their reign was probably the worst thing to ever happen to either of them. It wreaked havoc on their marriage for years. It was easily the most miserable period of Murat's life.

For starters, Napoleon essentially poisoned the well, so to speak, by making it clear in the Treaty of Bayonne that Murat was only king by virtue of being married to Caroline, language which Murat found deeply humiliating. The humiliation was further compounded by Caroline being named his direct heir, rather than their son Achille, in order that the throne stay within the Bonaparte family.

So Murat started his reign with a certain amount of resentment and jealousy--and a fear that Caroline would attempt to edge him out of power and dominate him the way that her sisters dominated their husbands, a prospect which was intolerably degrading to a man of Murat's pride. There's no real indication that this was ever Caroline's intention--but Murat was prone to paranoia, worried for years about being superseded by his wife, especially as he increasingly fell out of favor with Napoleon, and Caroline (and her faction at court) steadily gained influence. The first couple years of the reign saw Joachim doing everything he could to keep Caroline on the margins of power. She spent much of her time reading, writing letters, and visiting the ruins of Pompeii.

There was a reconciliation (for a time) between the two in 1810, while they were in Paris together for Napoleon's second wedding. After the wedding, when Murat returned to Naples and began preparing for his Sicilian expedition, Caroline remained in Paris for several more months, during which she served as a sort of intermediary between her husband and Napoleon during a time when the two were at odds and Joachim and Caroline were worried about losing their throne. Her letters to Murat during this time are full of tenderness, consolation, and advice. Examples:

"My dearest, this last separation seems to me even more insupportable than the others. You were so good, so perfect to me in those last moments, that your kindness brought me to tears and still fills me with affection. I confess that when you do justice to my true feelings for you, I am the happiest of women." (11 May 1810)

"You will see one day: we shall be the happiest creatures in the world, and we shall owe it to our children. They will give us back all the love we have for them, and our old age will be adorned with their virtues. See as I do--far into the future." (13 May 1810)

"I'm always anxious about your expedition... Do not expose yourself more than the duty of a general requires, I ask you in grace, imagine that your existence belongs to me and is a possession you cannot dispose of." (16 June 1810)

"We can be happy, but in order for that, we need to be content with what we have, you must calm a little your head, which gets hot so easily, and await, with more patience than you've had until now, the moment where we will be more tranquil and more independent. The happiness of our interior will compensate us for our many pains, and you will find with me, with our children, and from all those who sincerely love us, enjoyments worth all the others." (5 August 1810)

Their relationship was fractured all over again before the year's end. Murat's aggravation with his Sicilian campaign boiled over in a scathing letter to Caroline in which he accused her of being disloyal to him; she received it two days after her miscarriage in September, further adding to her heartbreak. It wasn't a permanent rupture by any means, but it was a deep wound in their relationship that took time to heal. The following year, Murat received reports (almost certainly false) about Caroline having an affair with Daure, Joachim's Minister of the Police, who Joachim soon removed from office, writing to Napoleon that Daure had "aimed at forming a party against me. He did not hesitate to attack me in my tenderest affections," but that "his efforts in that respect were far from obtaining the success that he dared hope for." Murat's relationship with Napoleon likewise grew even worse in 1811, and Caroline went once more to Paris to serve as a go-between/peacemaker.

Leaving for the Russian campaign of 1812, Murat had no choice but to leave Caroline as regent, and he spent most of the campaign worrying about what was happening in Naples in his absence. But she proved a capable ruler, and ruled as regent again during the 1813 campaign, and then again in 1815 during his failed campaign against the Austrians. Joachim seems to have gradually gotten over his fear from early in their reign about Caroline trying to edge him out or dominate him, after she had ample opportunities to do so when he was out of favor with Napoleon throughout 1811 but never did; the latter years of their reign indicate something of a happy equilibrium, and Murat was not above consulting Caroline for her views on complicated issues.

Joachim accompanied her to the ruins of Pompeii on a number of occasions. They both shared a love of art, and patronized a number of artists, including Canova, Ingres, and Antoine-Jean Gros. They danced together regularly at court balls, and went to the theatre often. But above all they preferred spending time together with their children, and their favorite place for this was the terrace of the Palazzo Reale, their personal sanctuary, off-limits to all but the royal family and invited guests, where they would often dine and walk in the gardens (and under the shade of the lemon trees Joachim had had planted for Caroline). 

To sum it up, their relationship was extraordinarily complex and they weathered some serious storms which would've broken most relationships beyond repair. The more I read about them, the more I'm impressed by the resilience of their relationship and their determination to keep mending it and making it work, rather than just giving up on it and going the way of Caroline's sister Pauline and her husband Camillo Borghese, who lived mostly separate lives and had minimal interaction. But the Murats had been a love match, and neither of them ever seemed to reach the point of wanting to give up on their relationship entirely. Their relationship--like Caroline herself--has been maligned and badly misinterpreted by earlier historians leaning too heavily on hostile memoirs, and also by those who have been intent on salvaging Murat's reputation by putting all of the blame for his mistakes on Caroline's shoulders.

Thanks for the ask! And sorry if I rambled on too much.

[purplesurveys]

1269

Last thing you bought online? Did you like it? OMG OMG so I got Angela an Army Bomb!!!!!! for her birthday!!!! It was HELLLL looking for sealed ones that were already onhand, but fortunately I was able to find one from this really nice seller a few days ago and the shipping was quick as well. I’m just a little worried because the outbox has a little dent on it :( but it was the best onhand offer I could find so I got it before anybody could call dibs. I still hope she likes it! I got her batteries too so that she can try lighting it up as soon as she has it. :D

Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)?  I feel like this is such a petty thing to make a big deal about...if they knew how to commute or any other way to get to their destination, I don’t think this should be a problem. It would only be an issue to me if they refused to get a license in a very I-generally-lack-ambition kind of way.

How would you react if your artwork became famous?  I don’t have any to show off to begin with. I love appreciating art, but creating it was never a forte of mine.

Would you get your nipples pierced?  No, I don’t plan on getting any piercings. How many people know your birthday?  Outside of my family, my best friends. I think everyone else relies on Facebook to be reminded, which is fine with me.

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?  No. Quite the contrary, really...I was sometimes informed about red flags taking place, which of course my stubborn ass ignored.

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial?  Probably, as a kid. The channel from which I used to watch WWE aired these really long infomercials so I would watch those while waiting for like Raw or whatever show was going on after.

What is your current MySpace song?  I never hung out on Myspace. I had an account, but I was too young for it so it wasn’t long before I got bored.

What is your favorite kind of meat to put on your sandwich?  Pulled pork or fried chicken.

Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with?  I only have one ex.

How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets? I find it really cute. But I personally wouldn’t put in as much effort lol.

Have you ever personally known a pair of conjoined twins?  Hmmmmmmmm I don’t think so.

What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say? She threatened suicide in front of me and my dad in a very calm way when I was around 11, I think? Maybe 12, idk. I haven’t actually thought about that moment in an extremely long time until this question. I’ll move on now and shove the memory at the very very back of my head before I get sad.

Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it?  Aside from members of BTS (lol), interior design inspirations.

Chewy chocolate-chip cookies: like or dislike?  Ooh, love. When I bite into a cookie it hassssss to ooze chocolate, otherwise I would be underwhelmed.

If your boyfriend/girlfriend wanted to dress only in the opposite sex’s clothing, would you support that? If not, would you leave them?  Support.

Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful?  They both are.

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on?  Anything that has to do with writing (except poems), I guess? I like being able to give people advice and tips when it comes to that.

When was the last time you got all dolled up?  Last July when we had a big PR media launch thingy and I couldn’t afford to look like shit on Zoom.

Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.)  Never.

Do you have a criminal record?  Not criminal but it’s possibleeeee that I have some kind of record on my license from the time I got stopped by an officer in Alabang, lmao. It was a minor offense from a tiny part of the town so I don’t actually know if they filed it, but it’s possible.

Last person you took a nap with?  I don’t really nap with other people. I hate falling asleep in front of others to begin with.

Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well?  No.

Do you think someone likes the same person you like?  I don’t like anybody.

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever?  No, I do not want to stay in a pandemic and not get to maximize my life the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed forever.

Have you ever been to craigslist.com?  I’ve never checked it out; idk if we have that here?

What about eBay?  I also dunno if they operate here so no, I’ve never bothered.

Have you ever used Nair?  Not Nair, but I’ve used Veet before.

Are you medicated?  Nope.

Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows?  I never do stuff to my eyebrows except shave them.

Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex?  Several articles of clothing were left behind here, yeah. I never had the chance to give them back because I stupidly thought we were going to get back together eventually. By the time I moved on the timing was already off, so the clothes stayed with me untillll...just a few days ago, actually – when I finally cleaned up my room and got rid of a bunch of knickknacks that accumulated here over the years, including all her shirts and sweaters and stuff.

Could you make a statement about anything political?  The 2022 presidential election landscape looks like complete shit and I’m nearly at that point where I want to stop giving a fuck about this country’s future.

Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate?  No.

Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon?  I think I’m already living in it, haha.

Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche?  Sure, but cliché is also hit and miss for me. I love Titanic and Love Actually, but I cannot stand movies like Me Before You and The Notebook. I guess it depends on certain executions, like the acting, screenplay, casting, etc.

Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month?  No, not inside. We did drive-thru within the last month, though.

Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house?  Not at Andi’s, but I have at Angela’s.

How often do you go bowling?  Extremely rarely. I can’t tell you the last time I went bowling.

Last time you were in an apartment?  Like 2007 when I visited my aunt back when she still lived in one. None of my friends have their own apartments.

Have you ever seen a live seahorse?  I don’t think so.

Would you like to have your own yacht? I mean I wouldn't say no if you offered it to me for free, but I'm not exactly interested in one. < Same.

Winnie the Pooh or Tigger?  Tigger always made me laugh as a kid.

What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve eaten today?  Luncheon meat, I think? I didn’t go overboard with the junk food today.

Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink?  Hm, not that I can recall.

What is something you’d be happy to receive as a gift, that doesn’t cost a lot?  A bag of the salted egg chips that I really like costs like 30 bucks, or roughly 60 US cents.

What kind of music does your significant other/crush like to listen to?  I don’t have any irl crushes, can I use a celebrity crush instead? HAHA he’s heavily into jazz and whenever he gets asked for music recos he always gives jazz artists from like the 50s and 60s.

Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were?  Gab. Dark brown.

Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? The Big Bang Theory and Friends; and then I also liked humming to the themes of Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, and BoJack Horseman. The Phineas & Ferb theme was also a lot of fun to sing along to.

Do you eat dessert after dinner? No, I never do that. I’m usually already full after dinner, and we don’t always have sweets at home anyway.

Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day?  Sure.

When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink?  Cocktails. I very rarely go for hard drinks/shots, especially if I brought my own car.

What was the last animal that you saw?  Dog.

What was the last thing that you said to one of your siblings?  I just told my sister I was done using her laptop so she can have it back. My Memories of 2020 DVD turned out to be region-locked so I have to use her laptop every time I want to watch it :(

What is the most expensive thing that you’ve purchased that you paid for:  My Map of the Soul photobook cost me around 5k in total.

What is your favorite messaging program?  Messenger.

Do you eat fast food more than 5 times a week?  Wow no. Aside from being extremely unhealthy, that’s also a LOT of spending??

Have you ever almost drowned?  Yes.

Have you ever learned something shocking about someone through Facebook?  I mean I’ve had to learn about more than one family death through my Facebook feed, which sucks but is nothing I have control over. Otherwise the most shocking thing I’ve seen is probably classmates from high school having their own kids, but at this point I’m used to it already.

What’s the scariest living animal that you’ve petted?  I’m not really afraid of carrying/petting animals especially if there’s a guide or expert nearby, but the most daring one was probably the crocodile I volunteered to hold in Palawan.

Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for?  Not at all.

Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why?  I hate Mondays for obvious reasons lol. I don’t know anyone who is actively cheery about reporting back to work.

If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it?  I never eat oatmeal. I had that every single day for breakfast from like kindergarten to 4th grade and I vowed never to take a spoonful of it again.

What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep?  I dunno. I used to keep a log of the things my ex used to say in her sleep and a great deal of them were hilarious, but obviously I deleted that note a long time ago.

Choose one - Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers:  Butterfinger.

Do you use Mozilla Firefox? Nopes.

Who is your favorite person to hug? Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever had to have a mug shot?  Nope.

What was the last thing you carried to your room?  Kimi.

When was the last time you had a late night phone call?  WELL over a year ago.

[knchins]

The 16th Year - Hitoshi Shinsou

Summary: Your quirk was destined to awaken on your sixteenth birthday, and it would force you to take to sea-life with your birth parents. No one with your quirk had wanted to stay on land before, but none of them had been so in love at age 15…

Pairing: Histoshi Shinou x Fem!Reader

Rating: G

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: Light fluff, some angst, teenage heartbreak

Notes: Hello! This is the first thing I’ve written for the bnha fandom so I hope you enjoy it. I wrote this for the @bnhabookclub​ Mermay event! This is loosely based off of the old Disney Channel movie “The Thirteenth Year”. A throwback to fellow 90s babies. Special thanks to @hawksward​ for reading of this for me. <3

She had always accepted him and his dream. The first day they met, when he mentioned that he wanted to attend UA and be in the heroes course, she didn’t laugh. She didn’t sneer and tell him that his quirk was only suited for villainy. Instead of scoffing and looking down at him, she brightly smiled up at him. To her, his dream was perfectly reasonable. There was nothing wrong with wanting to be a hero, in fact in her opinion there was quite a romantic ideal to it. 

Their chemistry was profound and none of their peers had anything that came close to their magnetism. She had told him that she was quirkless, when the truth was that her quirk was not bound to awaken until midnight of her sixteenth birthday. Currently she had two weeks to tell him the truth. It was a heavier weight than any young teenager should have to bear. 

They were in the same class at UA, she had opted to follow him there as she knew her time with him was limited. They had known one another since they were eleven and even then she always knew that her clock was ticking down with each passing second. She dreamed of a way to be rid of her fate, to stay with him and see his ambitions come to fruition, but alas there was no cure for her. In fourteen days she would be a merperson and would have to swim into the arms of the others that were bound to the sea. 

She was already exhibiting subtle signs of her quirk. It was little things that she kept under wraps, hoping no one would notice. And in truth, no one did except her adoptive parents...and her best friend. 

Shinsou had not brought up her strange behavior. How she was incredibly thirsty all the time, how her skin suddenly seemed drier than usual, or how fast she had become in the water. Weekends spent at the community pool where the two of them liked to relax suddenly made him feel as though she were a fish out of water. He didn’t know how right he was. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?” He asked one night as they sat at their favorite sushi restaurant. Y/N sat stiffly in her seat, chopsticks in midair. How did she tell him? How could she knowingly break his heart like that? 

She forced a smile but the sadness shone in her eyes. “There’s something I need to tell you.” She confessed, placing her utensils down. “I’m not quirkless.” 

He cocked his head to the side curiously. She had never shown any signs of having a special ability, so the notion that she had been lying the past four (almost five) years seemed a bit ridiculous. Still, he decided to bite. “Alright, what is your quirk then?” 

Y/N had never worried about Shinsou using his ability on her. He never had and he told her a long time ago that he never would. She trusted him with all of her heart so any time he asked her a question she simply answered. Other people that knew them thought this was wildly dangerous, especially as they got older. What if he took advantage of her? But Shinsou would never do such a thing. He wasn’t a villain, not in a million years. 

“Remember how I told you I was adopted?” She probed, thinking perhaps it was best to start from the beginning. The purple haired boy simply nodded in response. “My parents, they live in the ocean with a colony of other aquatic people….they can’t live on land.” 

A deep frown formed on his features. What did that have to do with her exactly? He wondered to himself. Obviously she could live on land. Still, he said nothing as he waited for her to continue. 

“People with my quirk, don’t manifest it until their sixteen.” She continued. “They’re bodies undergo a transformation. Their legs fuse and turn into a tailfin. We become ningyo on our sixteenth birthdays.” 

Hitoshi continued to stare unblinking. He could typically tell when she wasn’t being series and he waited for a tell to show him that she was totally joking. After a few minutes, when her sad expression did not change, he realized that she was telling the truth. His chest became uncomfortably tight, as if someone dropped a hundred pound weight onto it. The air left his lungs, his tired eyes widening in shock. She was going to leave him? The one person who seemed to support him most? The one person who always uplifted him and encouraged him and cheered for him...gone?

The hurt expression that crossed his usually stoic face broke her. She thought she had prepared herself for this, but in reality she hadn’t. The impending destruction of their relationship was all the more real now that he knew of it. She was certain that neither of them would ever fully recover from this. 

“You’re leaving me?” He asked, his voice a whisper that didn’t dare to show any kind of true emotion. The apathy did not match with the words. The disconnect only told her that he was beyond angry with her for never telling him about this. Suddenly, the horrifying thought of having ruined their relationship before her birthday dawned on her and she nearly began to cry right on the spot. 

“Not because I want to.” She spoke softly, hand darting out to grab his across the table. “Hitoshi, you know I would never leave you if I had a choice. I care about you more than I care about myself.” 

The tears fell freely down her face as she was unable to hold them back. “I love you, you know? I don’t think you understand how much it hurts knowing that we can never actually be together. We’ll always be a world apart.” 

He wanted to recoil from her touch, but the sight of her crying caused his anger to recede back into the back of his head. She had never admitted her feelings to him, and while he knew he had been wildly in love with her for years he also had never been able to bring himself to confess it. He was always worried that he would ruin what they had. Little did he know that it would ruin itself one day. 

“You love me, Y/N?” He asked, his voice still quiet. This time there was emotion behind it. Raw, tentative emotion that was deeply afraid to be shown. Sometimes he hated his own vulnerability around her. How his walls came down any time you were around. No one knew him better than she did. No one brought comfort to his soul like she did. And now...now she’d be taken from him forever. 

“With all of my heart,” she murmured to him, dabbing tears away with her napkin with her free hand. She hoped her makeup wasn’t completely ruined, however she knew deep down that it was. She felt his hand flip over in her gasp in order to hold her palm. She wrapped her fingers around him in return. 

“Let’s get out of here.” He said before standing, helping her up with their connected grasp. He left money on the table for the bill and led her outside. There was still that same incredible weight on his chest, despite her confession. It only seemed to make him hurt at the loss of her even more. 

She didn’t know where he was taking her until they ended up on the nearby waterfront. They walked onto a long pier and stared out at the ocean in heavy silence for a long time. The only thing they could hear were the laps of the waves against the wooden pillars of the dock. 

“Well this isn’t how I expected to spend my Saturday night.” Shinsou finally murmured as he pulled her closer to him. He had wanted to kiss her for so long now, perhaps now the time was right. Perhaps he should also tell her his own feelings. His silence had unnerved her, though he obviously wasn’t repulsed by the thought of her caring about him in a way that exceeded friendship. 

They were facing one another now, chests pressed against each other as Shinsou’s other hand slipped around her waist. He had never done anything like this before. They both felt incredibly awkward at the closeness, cheeks glowing pink with uncertainty. “Me either.” She mumbled back to him, voice quaking. This kind of embrace went far beyond a platonic hug. 

“Y/N, can I kiss you?” He asked, his voice dropping low as his eyes were glued to her lips. Both of their hearts were hammering within their chests so loudly that it was deafening. 

Her eyes blinked slowly as she lifted onto her toes to connect her lips with his softly in lieu of a verbal answer. The future hero was taken aback, so much so that he nearly stepped away from her. He hadn’t noticed her desperate grip on his shirt of the tightening of her hand around his. The simple need to be kissed by him too much for her to simply wait. 

Slowly his eyes closed and he reciprocated, lips pressing against hers in a chaste kiss that was over way too soon. Neither one had ever kissed someone before. It was perfect in every conceivable way. 

Before another word could be said, they kissed again and again until the moon shone high above the water. Only when their curfews edged closer did Shinsou decide to walk her home. 

He kept her hand held securely within his own, never wanting to let it go. Finally they could express how they felt with one another. The years of tension were gone only to be replaced with longing for what could have been. The walk back was torture as they both knew the time to revel in their mutual feelings would only extend for the next two weeks. 

The time spent until her sixteenth birthday, Shinsou and Y/N were inseparable. While before it was common to see them together, studying for school or just hanging out, now it was more steadfast for them to be attached at the hip. They were constantly touching each other in one way or another, her arm wrapped around his or their hands holding as they walked. His hand on her knee when they sat next to each other or even sometimes his arm around her shoulders when they watched a movie. It was small and innocent.

“Hitoshi.” She whispered to him sadly as they sat on the dock on the eve of her birthday. At midnight she would return to the sea from which she came as a newborn. “Do you promise to never forget about me?” 

She knew her request was selfish, but the thought of being totally erased from his life had plagued her tremendously. They had grown infinitely closer over such a small amount of time. Shinsou was staring at their reflections in the water. The question seemed completely absurd to him, as how could he ever forget his first love? 

“I could never forget you.” He said honestly, not noticing that she had slipped off her clothes. He was too lost in thought. 

Thousands of scales covered her most intimate parts, obscuring them from view. Her legs were already beginning to ache as she sat down on the edge of the pier, toes touching the water. Shinsou seemed outwardly unfazed by her lack of dress. Really seeing her figure without obstruction for the first time made him wildly uncomfortable with arousal. Obviously it wasn’t the time nor the place for that, but it was still a teenage boy pumped full of hormones. 

Y/N plucked a shining scale from the center of her chest and held it out to him, a sad smile on her delicate lips. “You have to promise.” She said in a voice so soft that he almost didn’t hear it. 

He took the turquoise scale and held it tightly in his palm, never wanting to forget the feel of it. “I promise.” He said, sounding totally defeated. Would he ever see her again? She said she would come to this pier as often as she could at night to visit him, but he simply did not know if she would be able to keep her word. The insurmountable pain rendered him unable to even cry at his loss. 

She slipped into the water as his watch beeped to signal the turning of the hour. She was totally obscured by the darkness. Two minutes later, a small head popped from the water and he noticed a swirling of scales scattered down her neck along with what looked like gill slits. 

“I love you.” She said one last time, as if he’d instantly forget unless she reminded him. His heart trembled in his chest as tears finally did threaten to fall. 

“I love you too.” He said resolutely, and then she was gone. 

[loverdrew]

Promise, You Won’t Fall In Love With Me

He never knew love. He never understood relationships. He never imagined his life after high school or outside of his fame. She was the opposite. She deeply loved her family, she had ambition, intelligence and drive. They were the complete opposite, but together, they wouldn’t know what to do without each other.

Inspired by the movie A Walk To Remember.

Senior year. The year all the students turn 18, throw the wildest parties, the lifelong dreams of getting acceptance letters from their dream college. However, the Ethan Dolan didn’t have to worry about that one bit. He already had a future. He would continue making video comedy content online for his millions of girl fans that adored his soft eyes and bright smile. After this year he would move to California to pursue even bigger dreams, leaving his heart in New Jersey. 

The hallways and outside the school yard filled with laughter, hugs, girls wearing close to nothing, and the guys drooling over them. Ethan walked in holding his football, jersey on full display, taking in the last first day of any schooling he’d ever get. 

“My boys!” One of his friends, Jason, exclaimed. He hugged both Grayson and Ethan and put both arms around them walking into school. “This going to be the best year yet?”

“Oh you know it! The parties, the easy classes, the girls!” Grayson rubbed his hands together and laughed.

Ethan’s laughed along with his friends walking into the building, when the most unexpected girl caught his eye at her locker. It was Y/N. He had known her since kindergarten, she always wore the same type of outfit: a pastel skirt to her knees and a blouse with the same beige knitted sweater. Her hair always out of her face either in a ponytail or behind her ears, and she wore a brown shoulder bag to carry her books. They never particularly talked or even hung out together, but he somehow knew everything superficial about her. She never paid him any attention, except in class when he tried to be disruptive on purpose. He weirdly wished she would pay attention then. But he’s hooked up with prettier girls than her, so she wasn’t one to be upset over, right?

“Ethan Dolan, to the principals office. Ethan Grant Dolan, please come to the principals office.” They all heard, even Y/N. Their eyes met for a split second, before she closed her locker and headed to home period. 

“Damn dude, trouble on the first day?” Jason joked.

“Shut up man. You know I’m the model student.” He smirked, shaking hands with his friends before headed to the office, which happened to be right across from Y/N’s home period, not like he noticed. He swiftly walked into the office and sat in the chair in front of principle Henderson, who closed the door with a stern look on his face.

“Ethan, what did I tell you about getting into trouble again.” He crossed his arms.

“Principle Henderson, I don’t know what you mean but I have been an angel since last semester, haven’t I?” He flashed that boyish smile of his that got him out of every situation, just not this one. 

The principle proceeds to pull out 5 beer bottles and 2 bitter nubs of used joints. Ethan stiffened, his mouth running dry.

“I have no idea what those are.” He said quietly.

“Cut the act Dolan. Along with drinking and smoking on school property, you’re on the verge of not graduating. You have a combined GPA of 2.3. You need at least a 2.9 to graduate. Now I could expel you and kick you off the football team now...” Ethan begins to worry sit up straight, trying not to believe this could be true. “But I won’t.” Ethan looked up at him with a big sigh, eyes falling shut.

“Thank you, thank you so much Mr.Henderson I promise I’ll be even better-”

“You didn’t let me finish. Instead of doing all that, you’re going to be doing something for me. You will get a tutor which I will assign to you, and you’ll be spending time after school participating in our schools fall play.”

“Oh cmon Mr. Henderson you can’t be serious. I can’t act, at all.”

“You acted like you didn’t know where that bottle came from. And now you’ll act as the prince in our schools production of Beauty and the Beast.” Ethan struggled with the principles decisions, but if he didn’t do it he would’ve been destroyed having to give up his friends and football. 

“When do rehearsals start.” He said plainly.

______

At lunch, instead of being in the lunchroom with his group of friends laughing and being dorks together, he was stuck in the library for the next 45 minutes, waiting for whoever his new tutor is. He tapped his pencil impatiently. All he had to do was pass English and Government/Economics with at least a 75% and he’d be golden, but even he didn’t know how he could manage that. He looked around, and heard the library door open in front of him, revealing the golden eyed girl walking in with such ease. Her eyes found his and slightly pulled at her bag strings nervously. He sighed in disbelief, of course the girl with straight A’s, captain of the science club and the church singer was his tutor. 

“Hi Ethan. I’m Y/N, your tutor for this semester.” She said in a soft voice just above a whisper. “Today we’re just going over basics explained in the syllabus but it won’t take long, maybe 25 minutes so you’ll be able to run off with your friends.” She took a seat in front of him, opening up the Government textbook and her notebook with the classes syllabus laid out.

“I don’t need you to do me any favors okay, I just need to pass. I would think you’d want me here considering Ms. I’m-so-holy doesn’t have many friends.” He spat at her. Partially because he felt embarrassed, partially because he didn’t want to give her any impression that he in any way cared about her. It didn’t even phase her, being that her whole life was filled with constant ridicule and bullying. She stayed calm amidst his venomous words.

“The teachers are my friends, my church choir are my friends, my father is my friend. Please don’t pretend like you know me, Ethan. You haven’t even spoken to me ever.”

“But I’ve been going to school with you and living in the same neighborhood as you since we were 5. Your father is a prodigious doctor that always goes to church to watch you sing. You’ve lived in the same white house with the pink flowers surrounding the white painted porch. You always wear pastel colors because you like to be girly but don’t want attention. You started putting your hand back in middle school because it always got in your face when you were studying. I know you Y/N. Don’t act like you don’t know me either.”

“I know you Ethan. Which means I know you’re capable of doing greater things than being the stereotypical jock. You’re successful and talented and smart, learn to use it. Now let’s get started.” She said without even looking at him, and staring daggers into her book. 

_____

After school, Ethan trudged his way to the schools theatre, where everyone would be meeting up for the parts and the production of the play. No surprise that Y/N was there, script in hand near the piano, while someone playing ‘Beauty and the Beast’, and she hummed along. The stage lights somehow made her skin shine brighter, and her hair glisten. He scoffed, and sat in the 3rd row, seeing all of the theatre nerds gather with smiling faces ready to start production.

“Alright everyone settle down. We are going to cast roles right now so listen up!” Ms. Davida clapped her hands and stood in front of the stage. 

“For the role of Lumiere and Cogsworth, Louis and Jeremy! Mrs. Potts goes to Claira, Gaston goes to Derrick, Belle goes to of course, Y/N, and The Beast is played by the newest member to theatre Mr. Ethan Dolan.” Ethan knew he would get the lead, but Y/N did not. Her eyes spread wide, whites fully visible as her grip on her script tightened just slightly, the realization that she’d have to play his princess. She could barely handle his demeanor during tutoring, but in something that she loves to do she would only hope he wouldn’t ruin it for her. 

“Opening night is in exactly 3 months just before Christmas break, so that means you’ll all need to work hard and together to make this production amazing but I believe in you all. So let’s get right to it! Ethan, Y/N on the stage please we will be starting with the scene when Belle and the Beast argue, right after he saves her from the wolves. Feel the anger, feel the frustration.” She had that typical musical theatre teacher ‘passion voice’, really trying to emphasize the feelings within the scene. Ethan couldn’t take her seriously, laughing as he jumped onto stage and grabbing ahold of a script. 

“Y/N, you start and pretend that you’re cleaning up his wound.”

Y/N slightly rolled her eyes and put her hand out signaling Ethan to give her his arm. He sighed and slammed his arm into her palm, she then yanked it closer to her not caring if it hurt him, and pretended with her other hand to be patting it.

“If you’d hold still it wouldn’t hurt it as much!” She yelled her first line. Ethan could tell some of that frustration was real. So he decided to do the same.

“Well if you wouldn’t have run away, this wouldn’t have happened!”

“If you wouldn’t have frightened me I wouldn’t have run away!”

“Well you shouldn’t have been in the West Wing!”

“Well you should learn to control your temper.” She said plainly, as if it was an actual piece of advice.

“Now hold still. This might sting a little.” In the script it says for Ethan to wince in pain, so he did, just not well at all. It was forced, and painfully bad to watch his face squint uncomfortably. Y/N sighed, turning to the teacher.

“Ms. Davida he needs to take this seriously, some of us really want this play to go well.”

“I don’t even want to be here, I was forced to join the play, I could’ve gone my entire life without acting in a play.”

“Then leave.” She stepped forward in his face, quickly walking away towards backstage to get some air. He made her so angry. His cocky attitude, his rude tone of voice, the way he could get under her skin over and over again yet she still wanted to see good in him because she truly believed he had some left. Ethan looked off with a surprised face to see all the cast looking at him, and the principle standing at the edge of the theatre, arms crossed. He got nervous, making his way backstage to catch Y/N drinking some water.

“Y/N, hey Y/N, please listen to me.” He grabbed her hand but she angrily pulled it back.

“What.”

“Help me okay. I’m sorry, I really need to do great in this play or else I get expelled. I’m sorry for being so mean and always in your face. I just-this is all new to me.”

“Being nice to someone trying to genuinely help you is ‘new to you’?” she used air quotes, rolling her eyes taking another sip of water. 

“No, trying new things. Trying to be good. I’ve always acted tough on purpose because I thought that’s how it should be. People give you more respect.”

“Your act only works on an audience.” Y/N saw through it since first day of kindergarten when he stole her crayons and snored next to her ear during nap time to annoy her. But she paid no mind, there were more important things to worry about than a little boy. 

“Ethan, if you promise me you try, like really try, in all aspects, I won’t be opposed to helping you.” She said calmly, with her normal soft voice.

“I won’t say I’ll be perfect, but I’ll do the best I can.”

“That’s all I ask.” She started walking back onto the stage where they were already rehearsing another scene, but she quickly turned back around to say one last minor detail.

“Oh yea and Ethan, one more thing. You have to promise not to fall in love with me.” 

A chuckle came from his mouth as he looked her up and down. 

“Without a doubt, that is a promise I can keep.”

[kid-crashed]

Jon Kent and Damian Wayne in the Young Justice Animated Series

It’s been a good long while since Young Justice: Outsiders came out, so I feel like I can finally write about this without worrying about tagging spoilers and ruining lives or something. This is something I thought about the second this episode aired, and I’ve been waiting to write it. So here it goes!

Young Justice: Outsiders was obviously exciting for many reasons, but some of the most excitement came from introductions of well beloved characters, such as Jason Todd and Damian Wayne (seen in Episode 6) and Jon Kent (seen in Episode 9). Anyone who follows Super Sons already knows that this is a massive deal, because it establishes that Damian and Jon both exist in the same animated timeline for the very first time, as well as it being Jon’s animated debut.

While I’m obviously extremely excited for the possibility of a Super Sons animated moment, it got me thinking. The screen shots above show that Damian and Jon are both infants, likely somewhere around one (1) year old. This is completely different from the three (3) year age difference we’re used to, and while this difference might not seem like that big of a deal to some people, it has the capacity to completely change their character dynamics.

Let’s start by looking at Damian:

We all know Damian’s backstory by now; raised in the League of Assassins by Ra’s and Talia Al Ghul, until he was ten (10) years old, when he moved to Gotham to live with Bruce Wayne. It was at this point that he became Robin. This is a pretty concrete point in Damian’s character, and is very unlikely to change. At some point in the YJ series, he needs to become Robin. But lets take a minute to think about what kind of person he was at that age: arrogant, violent, stubborn, and desperately trying to prove his worth to a father he just met. At this point, he was a killer, and regularly fought with just about every member of the Batfam, Bruce and Dick in particular, as he tried to break the habits he’d been brought up with. 

In the context of YJ, we can assume that Dick would at some point bring Damian along to join the Team, but the question is, at what age? Damian joining almost immediately fits pretty well with how quickly he was introduced to the Teen Titans. But, at that age, he was hardly a team player. It wasn’t until he was about thirteen (13) that he really started developing actual friendships. However, the age Damian joins the Team - in my opinion at least - would depend very heavily on when the other “Next Generation” heroes join. 

This brings us to Jon:

Jon is known for being the complete antithesis to Damian. Rather than being raised to be a loyal machine, he was raised to be a loyal friend. Jon is a character who puts family first, and thinks of his friends as family. He’s truly a breath of childish fresh air in an industry that loves feeding us doom and gloom. While he is beloved by the majority of the fanbase, other characters were very apprehensive about him when he first got into the hero business at ten (10) years old; not-so-coincidentally, the same age as Damian. 

However, Jon is also the character in DC comics with the most amount of pressure on him. You imagine being the son of Superman for a moment, and growing up knowing that every single person you meet expects you to one day take over that title. Do you think you’d be able to handle that? Let alone at ten years old? I certainly can’t. Yet it seems like Jon doesn’t actually realize just how heavy that weight on his shoulders is.

While Supers are known for being power houses, and every team seems to want one, Jon was a kid, and very new to his abilities. He was unpolished; constantly making mistakes, misjudging his own strength, overshooting his speed and flight, and who could possibly forget when he lost control Manchester Black, or when he went full Super Nova and nearly killed the Teen Titans? It became very clear at the end of the first Super Sons run that Damian was actually the only other young hero that trusted Jon, which is why they continued to function as the newest take on a dynamic duo. 

How does this all come back to Young Justice: Outsiders? Well it’s actually very simple. All of that mistrust that characters were going to have in Jon was immediately erased the second the series did this:

Right here is the next generation of the Team. We all know it, and unlike previous heroes, this is the first generation that’s growing up together. Unlike every other iteration of the Justice League, Teen Titans, Young Justice, and literally every other team you can think of, these kids are all going to grow up watching each other’s powers come in. They’re going to know each other’s weaknesses and flaws, from weekly play dates, birthday parties, and any other hero-family get-together; some of them might even end up going to the same schools in this universe. Yes, Jon is the youngest out of them, but that just means that every single one of these kiddos is going to watch him grow up, knowing that S on his chest will always be there.

Let’s think about what we know about Jon again. He’s charismatic, funny, loyal and true, and has this uncanny ability to be able to talk to literally anyone, regardless of who the are, where they’re from, or what circumstance he’s in. You know what those traits line up perfectly with? A natural born leader. 

Growing up in this environment, where all these super kids play all the time, it’s so easy to imagine Jon growing up and being this larger than life personality that everyone just naturally seems to listen to. Jon would be the kid coming up with new games to play, and teaching them to everyone else. He would be one of the team captains when they play kickball, soccer, or any other sport. He would be genuinely interested in everyone’s hobbies and skills. He would be the one everyone turns to when they need someone to talk to. If someone’s unsure about him, chances are they’ll just do what everyone does; take one look at that S on his chest and just start listening. 

The series progresses. There’s another time skip, and Damian and Jon are now both ten years old, taking on their respective superhero mantels for the first time. As all young heroes in this series eventually do, they join the Team. Perhaps around the same time, perhaps Damian joins a few months before hand, or vice versa. But that doesn’t matter, because the effect will be exactly the same.

Damian is harsh. He’s vindictive, and unemphatic; the exact opposite of what everyone expects a Robin to be. He refuses to take orders, and is very clearly trying to fight his was to the top of the food chain. Plus, he comes right in and kicks Tim Drake out of the Robin title, someone who could very likely be the current leader. Chances are, everyone would hate Damian from the get-go. Meanwhile, everyone would be looking forward to the day Jon joins. They all knew he would. It was just a matter of time. 

Rather than being introduced to each other with a clear difference in experience like in the comics, Jon and Damian are now on relatively even playing fields because they’re the same age. Damian would have more combat skills, but Jon’s already an integral part of the group, and he’s a fast learner. Obviously they would but heads, likely even more than they did in Supers Sons. 

One of the biggest debates we see in every single season of YJ is “Ok, but who’s in charge?” This would undoubtedly come up as Damian flat out refuses that listen to any leadership if he doesn’t deem them worthy. Even at ten (10) years old, he would likely be fighting for that position of head honcho, because at this point in his life, Damian’s driving forces are his ego and his ambition. Unfortunately for him, at ten (10) years old, with that personality, and after having just left the League of Assassins, he’s completely untrustworthy. 

Jon on the other hand is a perfect candidate for eventual leader. Everyone would have followed Kon, the Superboy before him, to the ends of the Earth. Superman led the Justice League at one point, plus he’s, you know, Superman. Here we’ve got that legend’s kid, with all the makings to eventually take over the whole operation. He’s young, and pretty green, but chances are every single person on the team would have it in the back of their minds that this kid was born to lead. 

The biggest problem? Jon has a tendency to crack under pressure, and second guess himself. There is a chance that Damian rushing to be in charge would force Jon to be pushed forward far too quickly, long before he’s ready. Meanwhile, Damian’s smart as sin. No one on the Team would be able to deny that Damian’s a perfect strategist, who analyses and memorizes every skill set and strength of the people he has to work with. He can come up with a flawless plan at the drop of a hat. Meanwhile, Jon would be the kind of person to lead with his heart, and build morale on a foundation of morals and trust.

That’s going to be the conflict between Damian and Jon in Young Justice because of how they were introduced in the series, and with their lack of age gap. Damian doesn’t have the time to grow and gain everyone’s trust before Jon becomes Superboy, where as Jon wouldn’t have the chance to learn before getting pushed into leadership positions he isn’t ready for. They’re likely going to but heads even more than before, and right now, there’s no way to tell if they will ever be able to achieve the friendship they have in the comics, or if they’ll be stuck as rivals.

Is it too early to make assumptions? Yeah. Probably. Who knows what the writers have planned. But I don’t think there’s any way to doubt the conflict they just created for themselves.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Episode 6: All Souls and Sadists

My thoughts are heading your way.

SPOILERS AHEAD

0:40 - “No as a white man. We’re terrible.” hahaha I hate Martin on principle but that’s hilarious - and somewhat truthful. 

1:00 - Notice how Ainsley and Malcolm have similar facial expressions when talking to their father? They both do this thing where they sort of smile and look at the ground in a “Dad’s crazy” kind of way. It’s almost like they think their Dad is endearing in a very frustrating and dysfunctional kind of way? They also both shake their heads and close their eyes a lot when talking to Martin. Even the tones of voice that they use with Martin is similar. They start speaking to him calmly and softly but they end the conversation angry, frustrated and desperate. You can really tell that they’re siblings. 

2:32 - “It’s not the right one.” How did the car salesman know Malcolm was looking for a specific car? If I were the salesman I would’ve interpreted that as “It’s not the right car for me. What else can you show me?”...and then show Malcolm a used Honda Civic or something.

3:50 - Malcolm is completely losing it. He’s so desperate. You can see how much pain he’s in during this scene. Look how sad his eyes are. You can tell how close to the edge he is. Also - is this foreshadowing? Is this why Malcolm looks so broken in the 1x19 promo pics? Is he going to revert back to his mute, scared 11 year old self?

6:35 - Despite how broken Malcolm looks in Gabrielle’s office, he looks and acts remarkably put together in this scene. He’s calm, rational, and professional. He’s also subdued. 

6:43 - There’s a look that Dani gives Malcolm right here. She’s concerned about him. Rightfully so. His behaviour is wildly out of character. This is maybe the calmest, most serious he’s ever been at a crime scene. 

7:30 - Dang. This woman is OCD and very numb to her husband’s murder. Did she even care about her husband? I mean I know they were getting a divorce but I would be more upset than she is if my neighbour died - and I don’t even talk to him. 

8:20 - Right here. Malcolm just stopped profiling. He’s trapped inside his head. Overwhelmed with empathy for the little boy who just lost his father. Overwhelmed with the realization that this woman and his own mother feels the same way about their children. He and Ainsley are Jessica’s everything. 

8:30 - See this look in Malcolm’s eyes? That sadness and empathy? That’s a good man right there. That’s not a killer. 

9:00 - You know, right off the bat, this kid is off. No child who has been through trauma that recently is comfortable talking that openly and calmly about how they feel (or how their rabbits feel) because they haven’t had time to process how they feel yet. 

9:15 - You know. I feel like the fact that Martin appeared to be such a good dad to Malcolm during the first 10 years of his life really compounded Malcolm’s trauma. It ruined Malcolm’s ability to trust. It ruined Malcolm’s ability to look fondly at his early childhood memories. 

9:46 - Again. This kid is weird. “I think she’s not that sad.” What? What child talks like this less than 24 hours of the death of a parent? He’s calm and articulate in a way children in emotional pain rarely are. It’s strange.

10:35 - I love how Malcolm is interacting with this kid the same way that Gil interacted with him as a kid. Because Gil made Malcolm feel safe when his whole world fell apart and Malcolm wants Isaac to feel safe. It warms my cold, dead heart.

10:55 - Malcolm’s self-deprecating humour is really heartbreaking. 

11:28 - Tell me I’m not the only one whose heart breaks when Malcolm asks Ainsley if she’s okay. It’s something about the way his eyes widen. He looks so concerned for his little sister and I love it. 

11:45 - I love Ainsley BUT the severity of her ambition is a little concerning. However, I don’t blame her. Chances are the only time Jessica ever showed Ainsley any attention (between her alcoholism and worrying about Malcolm) was when Ainsley achieved something extraordinary. Makes me wonder what kind of a student Ainsley was like in school. What kind of extracurriculars did she do as a child? 

12:00 - Jessica’s behaviour in this scene is wildly inappropriate but also completely understandable. She’s so concerned with her children’s well-being. She always is. It’s why she meddles in their lives and tries to order around her adult children as if they’re 10 years old. Her personality in general is a little extreme, cold, and controlling. I’ll say it again - Jessica lost everything except her children when Martin was arrested. If Jess had some true friends who stuck by her then (or now) I bet she would’ve been less of a controlling force in her children’s lives. 

12:46 - Holy crap. Is Malcolm sleeping with that photo? He’s pulling it out everywhere. The car dealership. His psychologist’s office. His Mom’s house. I know he’s in a fragile mental state right now but that level of obsession with a photograph is not healthy. 

13:09 - Has anyone else been trying to figure out what time of year the Surgeon was arrested? So far the flashbacks look too warm to be between November - February (when there’s usually snow) but we’ve also had confirmation that Malcolm was in school. Therefore, it was during the school year. So it was either in September, October, or sometime between late March - early June? I’m thinking it’s probably closer to June because that’s when camping season generally starts? Anyone else have ideas?

14:20 - I’m genuinely surprised Jessica didn’t make Malcolm stay the night after that little outburst. He looks positively terrified. He’s clearly looking off into the distance because he’s hallucinating. You’d think she’d jump on that and keep him at her place for the night. 

15:08 - Martin might be the most dangerous criminal in Claremont because he’s so manipulative. Watch him try to manipulate Stanley. Martin is clearly doing it deliberately. Martin is so desperate for attention that he’ll do and say anything to be the center of attention. He always has an ulterior plan. Ugh....actually it kind of reminds me of a much more extreme version of Ainsley....which is slightly concerning.

17:00 - UGH. Gil why did you have to walk in now? Dani was just about to get Malcolm to talk about what’s bothering him. She was so concerned about Malcolm you could see it on her face. It was beautiful.

17:21 - I love that JT says what we’re all thinking. Where do you get a stat like that? 

18:25 - I wish we could’ve seen the scene where Malcolm has to convince Gil to let him get beat up for a potential sadist. That would’ve fuelled my heart for days....also Tom Payne looks super attractive in this gym outfit. 

20:15 - You know, I don’t think Malcolm is a masochist. I think he’s so depressed and in so much constant emotional pain that sometimes he forgets that his life is important. He forgets that he matters to people. He subjects himself to physical pain because it numbs out the emotional pain. He’s not a masochist - he just needs an escape.

20:49 - There’s Papa Gil. Look how annoyed he is. He totally wants to give Jake a piece of his mind for trying to hurt Malcolm. You can see it. Too bad he won’t because it was technically consensual.  

21:56 - Seriously? How fast is this woman and how quiet is she? Dani looked away for maybe 5 seconds and didn’t hear the woman book it toward her? Nah. I don’t buy it. 

23:00 - Dani is a badass. JT is a total big brother look at how concerned he was for Dani. I love it all. 

23:15 - Proud Gil is everything. <3 

23:45 - This little pep talk that Gil gives Malcolm is precious. Gil is Malcolm’s Dad in all the ways that matter. Look at how concerned Gil is about Malcolm. Gil knows. He knows that Malcolm is spiralling. *sigh* My heart is breaking.

24:10 - Again. Where did JT go? Sometimes JT just disappears in the middle of an episode with no explanation. 

25:15 - “It’s what you say to a kid.” Is it Gil? Because you’ve spent the past twenty years of your life trying to ensure that Malcolm is okay. Why do you think Malcolm is so cut up about Isaac’s current predicament? It’s because Malcolm is trying to be as good a man as you are and he thinks that he’s failing.

26:04 - Why is this dude always half-naked? Seriously. This whole episode he’s shirtless. 

26:21 - Do you think Ainsley dated much in high school? Given the way Jessica is currently treating her boyfriends I can’t imagine that it would’ve been easy for Ainsley to date. 

27:10 - THIS. I feel this. “Everything I know has been coloured by your resentment”. This is real. My Dad was abusive. He left (court-ordered, long story) when I was ten. Everything my brother and I know about our Dad and his past is coloured by our Mom’s resentment. Even though we know he was a bad guy, we still wish we could’ve met the guy that Mom fell in love with. We wish we could have happy stories about his past that aren’t coloured by his mistakes. Ainsley’s reaction here is totally justified. Sometimes you’ll do anything to find the one story that reassures you that your Dad wasn’t a total loser. 

27:36 - “Did you love us?” That one hurt. The real answer is no. He didn’t. He’s a psychopath. He’s incapable. And deep down Ainsley knows that but look at her eyes. You can see how desperately she wants to believe her that her Dad loves her. Ugh. Martin is scum. He’s such a good manipulator. I hate it so much.

32:50 - This whole scene with Malcolm barging into the interrogation room is amazing. I mean I have nothing to point out that isn’t blatantly obvious but holy moly this is a good scene. Makes you wonder if Gil was ever worried about Malcolm becoming like Martin.

37:00 - A wild JT has reappeared.

38:00 - This scene is perfect. The juxtaposition between Bright and Isaac is beautiful. The insight to Malcolm’s childhood is heartbreaking. The empathy on Malcolm’s face is heartwarming. The concern on Gil’s face. You can really see who Malcolm might have become without Gil. 

40:30 - This Gil and Malcolm conversation is perfect. “Not on my watch.” My heart is full.

42:00 - Does Malcolm have any sense of self-preservation? I know he’s desperate but hanging out at a junkyard in the middle of the night is a bad idea. 

Thanks for hanging out. Catch you again soon.

[lia-jones]

Growing Pains - Chapter Twenty Four - Unfinished Business

When I was ten, my piano teacher organized a small contest for students. It should be pretty small, but the unexpected happen. One of my piano teacher’s friends, Matteo Mancini, an acclaimed pianist, was in the jury.

By that time all I could think about was the piano, school being a secondary obligation. I lived and breathed to tickle that ivory and turn it into song, and my ambition was to be such a great pianist as the acclaimed Mancini, so obviously I was a huge fan, and it was an honor to play for him.

Decided, I prepared myself for the big day. I was going to play one of my favorite pieces, one I recently just started to master: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy by Tchaikovsky. I rehearsed night and day, stopping only to address my daily obligations, such as school and meals and sleep. I really wanted to win, but most of all, I wanted to prove Mr. Mancini my worth, show him my talent, maybe get some advice for my future career.

My brother wasn’t as passionate about music as I was. Ironically enough, since he was the one that ended up with a musical career, as I took a major turn towards Economics. But by that age, he was learning the bass pretty much because my mom made him, and he couldn’t care less about lessons or rehearsals. And one day, he was really bored, nagging me to go with him to the greenhouse and play treasure hunt, hiding random stuff in the soil of my mother’s vases.

When he asked, I said no, sitting on my piano, stubbornly practicing until it sounded perfect even with my eyes closed. He decided to convince me in another way: by being extremely, utterly annoying. And that drove me insane. I had my drive, my ambition, and I needed to follow through with it.

This passion that I had, the one that made me go the extra mile to achieve success, was fortunately one I had brought with me to my work, making me able to complete my doctorate, get a new job, and see my clients succeed as well.

And I walked out of Victor’s limo with pride, watching what a great job Miss Bates had done with hosting her fashion show, the one I had proposed to her months ago, before Victor and I were even a couple.

Although I didn’t work at LFG anymore, Miss Bates asked me if I could still give my opinion on some aspects concerning the planning of the whole show, and I gladly took that task, answering emails and offering advice when needed. In return, Miss Bates offered me one of the gowns designed for the show, and a place as a guest of honor at her reception.

I felt like a princess in that tule dark blue ball gown dress, with white Swarovski crystals covering the halter backless bodice and drawing constellations on the skirt. Victor took my hand and led me to the white carpet, where paparazzi and reporters were to meet us, just as I had advised Miss Bates to have.

Miss Bates was already at the door to greet us, her smile a mile wide.

“Andrea! Victor! So nice to see you both!” She said, shaking both our hands. “Sweetie, you look so beautiful in that dress! You’ll be the most beautiful woman in here!” Miss Bates said, and I gave a discreet semi twirl, expressing my happiness.

“Thank you for your generosity, Miss Bates.” I thanked her, smiling. “It’s astonishing. I have no words to express my gratitude.”

“Oh, Andrea, I’m the one without words!” She touched my shoulder lovingly. “I would never have the courage to prepare something so big, if not for your encouragement. And it’s going so well!” She shook her hands, acting giddy. “Well, I want you both to enjoy yourselves. Get a drink, the show will begin soon. I have some other guests to greet!”

She left us and said something to the waiter, pointing at us. Soon enough, both me and Victor were sipping champagne.

“Miss Bates is absolutely right.” Victor whispered in my ear. “You are the most beautiful woman in the room.”

“Oh, stop it.” I blushed, giving him a discreet playful nudge. “You seem to be unusually left alone, don’t know many people here?”

“No, not my usual area of busin--” And just like that he froze, his eyes following something behind me. Suddenly, I heard a chirpy voice behind me.

“Victor!”

I barely had the time to move away. Before I knew it, a very tiny woman almost jumped to Victor’s arms. He was suddenly pale, his usual poker face in place, looking down at the woman.

“Mia.” He said in a hoarse voice, clearing his throat right after. “You’re organizing the fashion show?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed, an excited look on her slightly childish face. “We had some fierce competition for this project, but Miss Bates signed in immediately when she knew we used to work together.”

And then the pieces all fit together, the proverbial coin dropped, the bigger picture came to frame. This was the producer. The love he never got to live. Victor’s unfinished business. I quickly noticed my mouth dropped a bit with surprise and composed myself. I smiled placidly, trying not to give out my real feelings. Whether we admit it or not, we all have our social walls. Victor’s was his emblematic poker face, mine was a serene smile, which I took from Dr. Mariana.

“Good for you.” Victor concluded the subject, turning to me. “Andrea, this is Mia Carter, LFG funded her company a few years back.”

“Nice meeting you.” I said, shaking her hand.

“And Mia, this is Andrea….” Victor paused shortly, giving me a loving look. “My girlfriend.”

Mia’s childish eyes open very wide, her mouth forming a perfect O. She shook my hand even harder.

“You have a girlfriend?” She looked at Victor, shaking my hand so hard I feared she would dislocate my shoulder. “So nice to meet you! You can call me MC.” She said with a slightly high-pitched voice, hugging me. My serene smile was replaced by an uneasy frown.

“Let go of her, dummy.” Victor reprimanded. “You’re making her uncomfortable.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She let go of me blushing. “It’s just that I’ve known Victor for a long time, and he was usually so lonely… I’m glad you found each other.” She smiled, and noticed my dress. “Your dress is so beautiful!”

“Thanks, it’s actually from one of the designers, and with Miss Bates amazing fabric.” I said, moving slightly to make the crystals shine under the light.

“Of course, you’re Andrea!” Her face lightened up. “Miss Bates talks a lot about you. The whole show was your idea! And I loved all your suggestions, by the way. You would be a great producer!” Her face turned serious all of a sudden, a decided look in her eyes. “You must wear that dress of yours on the catwalk! It’s a masterpiece, and we’d end the show with a sweet loving note.”

My eyes widened. Hell no. Over my dead body.

“I don’t think that’s a really good idea…” I started.

“It’s a brilliant idea! Miss Bates will love it!” I tried to refuse again, but she simply wouldn’t let me. “I’ll talk to her and then I’ll let you know when to go on stage! I have to go now, but I’ll see you soon!”

Victor chuckled as she left. I just stood there, and I bet my mouth formed a perfect O.

“She’s stubborn. That’s what got her the funding in the first place.” He chimed in.

I didn’t reply, the wheels still turning inside my head. Did I agree to be on stage?

“All you need is a drink.” Victor said, handing me another glass of champagne. “But not too many. You don’t want to stumble on your dress.” He teased. “She’s right. You have been the catalyst for this event. And everybody should see how beautiful you look.”

After a while, we were asked to take a seat to watch the show. And it was a huge hit. I could easily recognize some big names of the fashion industry sitting there, watching in amazement the beautiful creations with the fabrics made by Miss Bates company. After a while, Mia came to our spot to call us backstage. I walked with her, never letting go of Victor’s hand.

Miss Bates pulled me immediately behind the curtain, her eyes glimmering.

“Thank you so much, Andrea. Thank you for being so bold that day and showing an old woman that she can still have spunk! These last months were the most exciting of my life! Thank you!” She said as she held my hand.

I glanced at Victor, standing at the corner next to the closed curtain, and Mia walking by him, towards us. Suddenly she tripped on a cable on the ground, and Victor reached out to grab her before she hit the ground. She blushed, standing up, and he looked at her, still holding her shoulders. And the look in his eyes made time stand still for me. There was deep emotion swimming in those grey pools. It was love. The love he never got to live.

The searing pain in my heart made me remember the pain I felt when my brother accidentally closed the piano lid hard on my fingers, as he tried to convince me to play with him in the greenhouse. I remember going to the hospital in extreme pain, my fingers being taped together, my chance of showing my talent to the famous pianist ruined. Decades after, the thought of my missed chance still made my eyes sting. Missing that show was my unfinished business. Victor’s unfinished business was Mia.

And as I watched the scene unfold before my eyes ever so slowly, it dawned on me. No matter how much I loved him, no matter how much he thought he loved me, there would always be her, perfect, immaculate, because they really never spent the time to find each other’s flaws. She would always be in his mind, flawless, as I stood by his side. He was giving me his heart, but it wasn’t really his to give. It was hers.

The emotions flooded my senses, and I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes as the curtain opened and I was led to the stage with Miss Bates. Miss Bates’ eyes were brimming with tears as well, so my sadness remained unnoticed. By everyone but Victor.

As I got back from the stage, he caught my arm, watching me closely.

“Is something wrong?” He frowned slightly.

“No.” I croaked, not able to stop a tear from falling down my cheek. “Just got a little emotional.”

I should’ve known Victor wasn’t going to believe me. Displeased with my answer, he took my hand and led me to a secluded place backstage, where we could be alone.

“What’s the matter? Tell me.” He held my chin so I would look him in the eye, but I avoided his gaze, unconsciously trying to release myself from his grip. “Why won’t you look at me?” His eyes were focused but his voice betrayed him, showing me how much my evasiveness had hurt.

I kept my eyes down, and another tear fell. Victor let go of me, poker face in place, cold voice in action.

“Would you like to go back to the hotel?” Victor straightened up.

“Yes, if you don’t mind.” I took a deep breath, not wanting to cry anymore and make a scene.

“Wipe your tears before we go.” His voice sounded cold again. Its iciness hit my heart.

The engine running was the only sound heard inside the limo. We sat apart from each other, both staring at our windows, a huge gap and an emotional wall between us.

Once in our hotel bedroom, I started taking my dress off, undoing the button of my halter top. Victor sat on the bed and removed his shoes. He spoke as he undid his tie.

“This is because of Mia.” He confirmed almost in a whisper, letting the tie fall loose on his fingers. “I didn’t know she would be there.”

“I suspected as much.” I said, unzipping my dress, letting it fall on the ground.

“I did nothing wrong.” He said a bit louder, rolling the tie and placing it on the nightstand. “I stood by your side. I held your hand.”

“I know.” I whispered, taking my black satin nightgown from my bag, letting it slide over my naked body.

“Then why do I feel like I’m being punished!?” He raised his voice slightly, unable to contain his frustration.

I sat on the bed, my back to him, tears threatening to flood again. I couldn’t help but let out a nervous sob, as I saw my tears hit the expensive white carpet.

I felt his warm hands on my shoulders, and raised my head to look at him.

“Don’t hide from me.” His eyes were begging. “Talk to me.”

I took a deep breath, trying to convey my feelings in an orderly, comprehensible fashion.

“I saw how you looked at her.” My voice failed me, and I cleared my throat. “When she almost fell. You still love her. You may be with me, and I believe you love me, but you’ll always love her more. Unfinished business takes a huge part of our hearts, Victor, no matter how much we try to walk around it. I may spend my life at your side, loving you, but the truth is, I will never be able to compete with her.”

Victor stared at me with wide eyes, taking in what I just told him. Suddenly he kneeled close to me, his arms wrapped tightly around my waste.

“There is no competition.” His eyes were earnest. “And even if there was, you’d always win. My unfinished business, as you put it, was finished the moment I met you. I will always love you more.”

Another tear escaped from my eye. I remained silent, not knowing what to do with his words.

“If you can’t believe my words...” His face came closer, his lips brushing against mine. “Just let me show you.”

His kiss was more than just a kiss. It entailed all that he felt and failed to explain. He was actively expressing himself with his lips and his hands, holding my body tight. My body melted under his touch, as was usual. But my heart also melted, and any shred of doubt I had easily faded away, as he deepened the kiss.

“Dummy…” He spoke into my lips. “Do you believe me now?”

I wasn’t going to answer him. I wanted more. I always wanted more of him. I took his face in my hands and kissed him again, igniting a fire in both of us. He became hungrier, his hands alive on my body, his fingers covering every inch of skin they could under my nightgown. I felt the soft fabric rise over my body as he took it off, his trained eyes on my naked breasts.

“Take my shirt off.” He almost pleaded in a low voice, dark eyes on mine.

I started unbuttoning his shirt, his breath becoming deeper the further down I went, his yearning more and more visible under the fabric of his pants. He let his grey eyes flutter with pleasure when my hands touched his chest, and his breath hitched when they came down to unbuckle his belt.

He took me like I was his, and like he was mine, like he had no other choice, like his life depended on it. And as the world faded to black and back to color again, as we shook in each other’s arms, I had no doubt in my mind. I truly loved him, and he truly loved me.

[lifecftheparty]

━ ☾ ✧･ﾟ “ he was full of light, in whom is no darkness at all”

  ʻ   /   let  me  introduce  you  to  a  prized  member  of  our  environmental club     ,   FAZIL IMANI .  this   CISMALE CANCER   has  been  a  student  at  our  institution for   4 MONTHS  and  is  currently  a  21  year  old   JUNIOR.   through  the  halls ,   he/him  has/have   always  reminded  me  of  aria shahghasemi   ,   but  there  is  always  more  than  meets  the  eye ,   like  the  fact  that  he sells his dad’s pharmaceuticals to fund his own drug addiction .  coral  cape  has  made  their  future  just  as  bright  as  their  smile ,   i  assure  you .  ʼ      (   muse 15 ,  aubrie ,  19,  pst,  she/her   )

↪  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 𝕗𝕒𝕫𝕚𝕝 𝕟𝕒𝕫𝕖𝕖𝕞 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕚 

BASICS:

nicknames: fazi

pronouns: he/him

age & dob: july 14, 1998 ( 21 )

origin: carnegie hill, new york

nationality: american

ethnicity: iranian

fluent in: english, persian & a bit of arabic

occupation: drug dealer freelance artist

height: 5′11

sexual orientation: ???

major: biology & art

clubs: environmental club

↪  *:✧ background

trigger warning ! drugs, drug abuse, car accident, death

IMANI PHARMACEUTICALS  ━ a name you MIGHT recognize from the side of your zoloft bottle. from benzodiazepines to amphetamines, they specialized in at all -- A GREAT EMPIRE, built off of other’s sorrows and fazil was happily perched next to the throne. a family portrait, four heads adorning a thin-lipped line -- not a smile in sight. and just by glance, you could tell the family meant business. a serious group, all doctors, all their own achievements; a glistening image of PERFECTION, if not for the taint they liked to call FAZIL.

he didn’t mean to be a fuck-up, but alas, his body was completed with error and corrupted by bad decisions. THE FIRST BEING  ━     his art. an adorable skill, at first. though, like a flower, it started to blossom into more than a childish hobby, and that was when they tried to uproot it from the ground. oh, how his family DESPISED his art ; oh, how fazil despised his FAMILY -- it was a mutual passage of hate. really, painting was the only thing he had ever felt ambition for, otherwise a foreign feeling to the sullied son. he could care less about doctorate programs, but it was the path he was set on since birth -- a forced burden he could NEVER get rid of.

he lived to reject everything his family represented; the happy-go-lucky, irresponsible, reckless boy mirrored the solemn and dignified imani clan. taking to extremes to separate himself from those around him, he dived head first into the deep end. he began to get involved with drugs -- and lots of them. cocaine, xanax, morphine, you name it   ━ all were party favors in the new york night life, those in which he was more than eager to dabble in. the feelings of euphoria that would shine down on him where storm clouds once reigned, the wide smile that would stretch across his face, and the body, that almost felt weightless. the highs they produced were those of which he could not experience on his own, and like a foolish wanderer, he followed them down a rabbit hole -- their effects so tantalizing even fazil could not resist. OF COURSE   ━  he could stop if he wanted, but what happens when the bleary-eyed teen refuses himself paradise? shivers, aches, pain so sickening it would spew from his mouth. no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, he couldn’t stay away. it held him in a choke-hold, ever-so slowly draining his life.

the result of making an already irresponsible boy forget the bounds of consequence? a totaled ferrari and a DEATH-- no, no, no, fazil wasn’t prepared for that. an unforeseen causality in the war with his family. god -- his family, how ENRAGED they were, his father noting that he had wished it was fazil that was the one lying lifeless on the ground. a plan had to be put into place, NOTHING could ruin this family’s image; not fazil, and definitely not a murder. a cover up was devised, could you be surprised? the imani’s were saturated with money, and with money, bought ignorance. and to save face, he was booted out to live with his brother in maine, and made to attend CAPE CORAL. nasty habits die hard though, and fazil’s fought back, refusing to lie dormant. no way could he be sober now, but how do you maintain your ever-growing addiction? WELL  ━   it’s crazy what a last name and a forged signature can get you. 

↪  *:✧ personality

on the outside fazil presents himself to be this happy-go-lucky, fun-loving guy. which, to an extent, he is. however especially since the accident he festers a LOT of shame, embarrassment, and remorse. he is so full of regret and it really does haunt him on how things went down. 

as said, he has a lot of shame. not only for the accident, but also his addiction and how bad it is. he would absolutely hate anyone finding out about either of those, and would probably get really aggro with whoever did. especially if said person tried to take his drugs away or something of that nature?? would not be a happy camper. 

speaking of, he cannot go without his drugs, and will literally do anything to obtain a high.

while he tries to reject his family, it does hurt him that he cannot appease them, insecure about the fact he really doesn’t live up to the family name.

on a happier note -- loves, loves, LOVES painting. really is one of the only positive things in his life, will gush on about it for days. if he shows you his art, he’d lowkey be so anxious for approval ( though he wouldn’t admit it ).

plant dad™ loves plants and the earth. if he sees you liter he WILL pummel you.

total flirt, has commitment issues and doesn’t realize it. kind of a fuck-boy but isn’t so brazen about...which is kind of worse? 

in general, he’s a pretty laid back guy, doesn’t care too much about status. but really what you see is what you get, he will not let anyone past the front he puts on! 

↪  *:✧ wanted connections

i want to say, first off, i am REALLY up for anything. pls feel free to throw any ideas my way i am sure we can work something out <3

best friend !! : someone that he just connects with more than everyone!! while he wouldn’t disclose much about his past, he’d probably let them in on more than he does with everyone else. and i mean lets be honest...there will be a point they find something out. imagine the angst....

someone he fools around with : i mean...im sorry he really is a fuckboy. he doesn’t mean to be though!! i think it’d be interesting to have someone he has a strong flirtationship with or something a little more ifyaknowwhatimsayin. i think it’d be cool for it eventually reach an unrequited love type of thing..whether that’s on his part or your muse. unless you just wanna keep it like they both kinda know what it is..and they’re both okay with leaving it like that. really up for whatever!

frenemies : yOU ALREADY KNOW!! the banter!!! the bickering!!! the annoying the hell out of each other!!! I WANT IT ALL

deep romantic connection : aka someone that really makes him tap into his feelings/emotions. really tests him as a person, and forces him to just really care?? this would be a slow burn thing but again....imagine the angst....

someone who knows/finds out about his secrets : this can tie into plots and doesn’t have to be just it’s own standalone ( if that makes sense ). but i think i’d really like someone just eventually figuring it out and kinda being like fazi ???  what are you doing ?? now this can come at an angle of concern OR maybe your character finds out somehow and hangs it over his head. I would also like to note that fazi came into the school randomly, showed up in the middle of the school year like nothing, and when asked about it he has a bullshit excuse. so mayhaps someone tries to really look into it and pesters him about it. and it makes him turn into the panic emoji 

customer : someone he sells drugs to, which btw! would only be over the counter meds his father makes !! the harder drugs he buys himself for his own collection 

anyhoot, that’s all i could think of rn but i’m sure i’ll add more in the future! and like i said, i am open to ANYTHING. please please hmu <3

[goodwordguru]

One Piece MasterList [2016-2019]

Soul Jars [09-15-2016] With trembling hands, he unscrewed the top and lifted the glass until the soul was within its waxy confines. The jar was almost too small to contain it, but it did, and Marco closed it before clutching it to his chest.

Those Damn Brats! [10-18-2016]

Eye Contact [10-20-2016] Ace must've made some kind of noise because the boy looked up. They both froze as their eyes met and the world exploded in color.

Filling The Void [10-28-2016] Sometime after the events of Dressrosa, after parting with his precious little brother, Sabo has a dream where he's faced with Ace – not the Ace who he'd known as a child, but the Ace who had died without knowing that he still had two brothers.

Closed Doors [10-31-2016] Closed Doors: What's behind the door? Why is it closed?

Harrowing Inferno [11-28-2016] He turned, apprehension and excitement boiling together in his mind and bringing a large grin to his face. "Ace!"

Freedom [12-14-2016] (MarcoAce Week 2016)

Hobbies [12-15-2016] "Your wings are your arms, right? Do they still feel like arms, or do they register as wings in your brain when you're like this?” Cue exasperated eye closing and sigh. (MarcoAce Week 2016)

Laugh [12-16-2016] Marco laughed then; it was soft, unlike the delighted laugh he'd shared with the others, but it held an affection for Ace that he hadn't received since he left Luffy. (MarcoAce Week 2016)

Heroic/Cowardly [12-17-2016] After breakfast and chores were done and over with, Usopp gathered the crew to tell a tale of the brave Captain Usopp's grand dream. (Usopp Week 2016)

First Impressions/Beginnings [03-21-2017] Ace was all alone out there on Mount Corvo, and seemed to have been alone for a long time, and Sabo was all alone, despite being surrounded by people back in Grey Terminal. Ace had to be feeling just as lonely as him, even if he refused to show it. So he wouldn't give up. He would be the best soulmate ever! Ace would never have to feel alone again. "Hey! Ace!" he shouted, charging up the mountain in the direction the brunet had gone. "Wait up!" (SaboAce Week 2017)

Idiot/Genius [03-22-2017] “Are you a complete idiot?” (SaboAce Week 2017)

Sailing/Adventure [03-23-2017] Sabo was recovered by the Revolutionaries, like in canon, but he was not permitted to join the Revolutionaries because Dragon did not want to drag a child into such a war against the world/World Government (Koala hasn't joined at this point; she joined after Sabo did in canon). However, Dragon agreed to drop Sabo off at Loguetown so he was as far from Dawn Island as possible without going into the Grandline. At the age of 18, Sabo decided to set sail for the Grandline to have an adventure. (SaboAce Week 2017)

Scars/Tattoos [03-23-2017] Life was going pretty good, considering the hassle it took for Ace to pass High School in the final stretch.  But in Ace's experience, when things began going too well, something bad was bound to happen. (SaboAce Week 2017)

Blush/Innocent [03-25-2017] “Hey, Ace? Where do babies come from?” (SaboAce Week 2017)

Regret/Hallucination [03-26-2017] "Happy birthday, Sabo. I hope you're freer in the stars than you were down on earth." (SaboAce Week 2017)

Only Sparks Remain [03-27-2017] “But I still can't believe that crybaby became so strong... Can you, Ace?” (SaboAce Week 2017)

Say Cheese [05-10-2017] Art was Usopp's passion.

Burning Memories [05-17-2017] "Sabo-kun? Are you alright?" "Huh? Oh, yeah. Just a weird dream..."

Silence [05-29-2017] Peace, Law discovered, was not easy to come upon while on-board the Thousand Sunny. (10 Days of LawLu 2k17)

Terminal [05-29-2017] He felt like maybe he would be alright with being in a relationship with Luffy as opposed to just a friendship. (10 Days of LawLu 2k17)

Recherché [05-30-2019] “I love you, Torao,” he mumbled into Law's dark hair. “Mm... I love you, too, Luffy-ya.” (10 Days of LawLu 2k17)

Achromatic [05-31-2017] He didn't know what he was looking for, though, until he saw him. (10 Days of LawLu 2k17)

Wish [06-01-2017] Whether it was fighting against a Yonko or dealing with the demons of Law's past that tried to drag him down, down, down, Luffy was there with a smile to make everything better, make everything okay. So why wasn't everything okay right now? (10 Days of LawLu 2k17)

The Dreamer [07-14-2017] A lucid dream is a dream during which the dreamer is aware of dreaming. During lucid dreaming, the dreamer may be able to exert some degree of control over the dream characters, narrative, and environment. (ZoLu Week 2017)

Sunshine [07-15-2017] The world was infested by cruel and corrupt souls. As far as Zoro knew, it had always been that way. (ZoLu Week 2017)

Eternity [08-12-2017] I’m sorry, Torao... (10 Days of LawLu 2k17)

Family & Relation(ships) [01-11-2018] Family, friends, nakama and more, a lot of people love Usopp and he loves them, too. (Usopp Week 2016)

Dreams / Ambitions [01-11-2018] "You are going to bounce back from any fight we get into, whether we win or we lose, and I'm not going to doubt myself, right?" (SanLu Week 2016)

Die Traumdeutung [02-06-2018] He found that staying up for most of the night usually left him falling asleep in time to witness more pleasant dreams. His favorite, which showed up the rarest out of all the dreams, was when he found himself submerged in the ocean, surrounded by fish he used to catch in his own village and fish he was skeptical about the existence of but couldn't deny looked amazing (and appetizing).

Dragonheart [02-14-2018] Dark blue scales, tinted maroon from his blood, had pushed their way out of his skin like thorns from a rose stem. Taking a bath in the middle of the night to rid himself of the blood and throwing away the ruined shirt, Sabo spent the rest of the night pursuing answers on his laptop, finding that the appearance of scales was just stage one of a fledgling dragon's shift to adulthood. Sabo felt ill to his stomach.

Rekindled [02-14-2018] WIP He had died saving Luffy, and now he was alive.

5 Times Trafalgar Law Found Himself Involved In Sentimental Situations (And 1 Time When Words Weren't Involved) [03-04-2018] Law wasn't a sentimental person. In fact, he was best known for his cold and almost sadistically cruel personality. While most information about the North Blue captain were just rumors, he never did anything to prove the public wrong. Not where they could see, anyway.

Hugs/Cuddles [03-21-2018] “Okay, I think I'm finished,” the blond finally said. “You think?” Ace repeated, looking vaguely unimpressed as he took a long drag of his cigarette. Sabo ignored him as he dropped the empty spray-paint can into his bag, where seven more equally empty cans rested. The graffiti took him about an hour to create, and it was a pain to hold an illusion over the alley the whole time, but now that he was done, he could trigger the spell and they could finally sleep. (SaboAce Week 2018)

Then/Now [03-22-2018] Sabo never lost his memories and he didn't go with the Revolutionaries. Instead, he returned to his brothers. (SaboAce Week 2018)

Love At First Sight [03-28-2018] “I see you made it,” he said with a small laugh. He extended a hand and Ace shook it, made speechless by how soft it was. (Kidd was smirking at him out of the corner of his eye.) “I'm Outlook Sabo.” “Portgas D. Ace.” (SaboAce Week 2018)

Laughter [05-29-2018] He could hear Luffy snoring behind him, the lanky man's arm and leg thrown lazily over Law's waist. The doctor basked in the warmth of the quasi-embrace before tossing away the stray limbs and sitting up. (10 Days of LawLu 2k18)

Back to Back + Healing/Injured [05-31-2018] “Ow. Ow! Oooooow!” Law really wanted to punch Luffy, but unfortunately, he was wrist-deep in the other's chest cavity. (10 Days of LawLu 2k18)

Love [02-17-2019] “Bonney, it is ass crack o'clock,” Ace all but growled when he answered his phone at five-something in the morning. “What-” “Who even says that?” Bonney interrupted with an ugly snort, sounding much too awake. That didn't bode well for Ace.

Looking For Yourself [06-06-2019] Trafalgar D. Water Law disliked kids, whether they were his age – twelve – or not. He'd just lost his taste for being around anyone after his little sister and parents died and he was placed into the foster system. So when, to his irritation, a little brat who couldn't have been older than six climbed up next to him on a park bench he'd been reading on, he was less than thrilled. Additionally, the pest wouldn't stop running his mouth once he began to speak.

Plans Made (and Ruined?) [06-06-2019] “That's why I'm here,” he said. “What?” Luffy gave him a look as if he was missing something that should've been obvious. “I don't want you to be alone.” “I love being alone,” Law deadpanned, “so you can go now.” Luffy grinned broadly. “Nah. Because then you'd be lonely, and you hate that.” (10 Days of LawLu 2k19)

Clockwork [11-29-2019] Sanji rose with the sun like clockwork.

[yellowbluemoonshine]

BNHA Foils

I would like to talk about parallels between the characters like if this hadnt happen to him, he would be someone like him. I will just give a few examples about it. But i didnt write too much details so maybe, in the future i can fix it or write better. Well. Lets start.

a-) Darker Foils:

I noticed something about darker foil and that darker foil is not villain foil. its different.

1-) Bakugou and Endeavour:

Ok. Between these characters, who are the darker one?

Endeavour.

These characters have a lot of commons between them. Both of them wanted to be top heroes, they were both ambitious and violence. They both are kind of hero who care about winning, valued invidual strength more than saving victims.

Endeavour couldnt reach his dream to become No. 1 hero and cause of it, he was blinded by his ambition that he ruined/abused his family.

Bakugou is a spoiled kid who abused/bullied (whatever you called) his quirkless classmate. He is still a young kid and unlike Endeavour, he had a chance to change, before becoming someone like him.

Point is Bakugou would become Endeavour, if he hadnt have a chance to change. Endeavour is there to show that what kind of person Bakugou could’ve become, if he doesnt change.

Now, are they completely same? No. I think Bakugou wasnt just lucky about have a chance to change but he was also lucky about a lot of things.

Bakugou was praised his entire life. Thats why he became Bakugou, he was born with strong quirk that allows him to do whatever he wants but Endeavour worked hard for his place. His quirk wasnt perfect or he wasnt praised like Bakugou was. I am not saying that Bakugou didnt work hard or something. Of course he also worked hard but he was luckier than Endeavour about this cause Endeavour suffered cause of his quirk and other things.

Not just this, also Bakugou faced the fact that he cant continue like this, before Endeavour did. Bakugou learnt what happenned to Shouto or he had Allmight and Aizawa and most importantly Deku was there, besides by him but for Endeavour, probably he hasnt these kind of things before.

Shortly, what i am saying is;

Endeavour is not the darkest version of Bakugou. Endeavour is Bakugou s future, if he doesnt change. (Well, he is changing. Thats why his future will be different probably.) But also, Endeavour is unluckier version of Bakugou.

2-) Kouta and Koutaro:

Koutaro was Kouta s future, if Deku wasnt there for him. Thats why, its not “darkest” or “villain” foil, its DARKER foil.

They also have parallels. Kouta s parents were heroes and they died cause of it. Kouta was too young to understand this case cause he felt like his parents left him. his parent chose other people over him. Thats was what he thought, until Deku came.

About Koutaro, he is also just like Kota. He lost his parents cause of “hero jobs” and they both were traumatized by it. He was young too but like i said before, Koutaro was unluckier compared to Kouta. He hadnt have an aunt besides him and Nana was abandoned him, unlike Kouta s parents who had no idea they will die that day. ( Maybe Nana  knew that too but in Koutaro s mind, its different.) And not just that, Koutaro had a foster family and who knows what happenned to him. So basically Kota s conditions was way better, compared to Koutaro s case.

3-) Eri and Shigaraki:

They both accidently killed their father. They both believed that they are only exist to destruction. They were both manipulated by villain father figure who only sees them as a tools but the only difference between Eri and Shigaraki wasnt just the fact that Eri was saved;

but also, the way of they were manipulated was different. Eri was meant to be only tool, someone who cant do anything, helpless by Overhaul. Overhaul gave her fear while Shigaraki was meant to be villain who has to destroy things even when his abuser All For One wasnt around.

Eri was victim and she knew that. Thats why, she tried to escape and thats how she met with Mirio and Deku. But Shigaraki has no idea that he is victim. The way of All For One manipulated him made him think that he is not a victim but someone who only exist to destruction. Eri was luckier compared to Shigaraki.

Shigaraki was Eri s future, if she wasnt saved by Deku and Mirio but point is Eri s darker foil Shigaraki isnt completely same as her. Shigaraki watched his family s death completely brutally but about Eri, it was just his father s disappearance. Of course, its also terrifrying too but there is a big difference between watching disintegration of your family and your father s suddenly disappearance .

Shortly, about darker foils:

Even if they werent saved or hadnt have a chance to change; Bakugou wouldnt become Endeavour, Kouta wouldnt become Koutaro, Eri wouldnt become Shigaraki. Not because they are better person, the reason is they were already LUCKIER, compared to their darker foils. Their life conditions were way better than their darker foils and also they were saved thats why fortunately they didnt become their darker foils but also let me remind this; the only difference between them is basically luck.

b-) Darkest/Villain/Parallel Foils:

In bnha, there are two sides of hero society. Light side, dark side. About “villain foils”, i didnt mean to say “evil version” of characters. More like, character s having different kind of life version.

1-) Midoriya and Shigaraki:

Midoriya is from light side of hero society. He is kind kid who wants to become a hero only to help them. Pure heroic hearth. Same as Tenko (Shigaraki.)

Midoriya and Tenko s origins are same but in the end, one of them become a hero, one of them become a villain. What happenned to Midoriya that hadnt happen to Shigaraki or What didnt happen to Midoriya that happen to Shigaraki.

It’s not just about meeting with Allmight or All For One.

If Deku hadnt met Allmight, it doesnt mean that he would become a villain. Deku had a mother like lovely Inko besides him. Deku grown up and met with other people. Even though he was quirkless and was abused/bullied, he wasnt completely outsider of hero society. He was still part of light side of hero society. Maybe his dream to become a hero wouldnt come true but that wouldnt turn Deku to villain.

In Shigaraki s case, he was abused by his father and watched disintegration of his family when he was just 5. He was ignored by people who could’ve helped him. Even if it wasnt Allmight, there was just one person to save him, he would be ok. But then All For One came and manipulated and abused him his entire life. Shigaraki didnt go to school like Deku did. He was completely  outsider of hero society and only person who “save him” taught he has to kill, if he doesnt want to suffer, his entire life. And a lot of/ countless tragic things happenned to Shigaraki. Its completely different.

So basically only difference is they were just born in different sides of hero society. Deku could’ve become someone like Shigaraki while Shigaraki could’ve become someone like Deku. If same tragic things happenned to Deku, Deku would become Shigaraki. If all these tragic things didnt happen to Shigaraki, he would become Deku.

Shigaraki isnt Deku s future cause their entire lives were different but their hearth, the kind of person they were meant to be is same. Shigaraki is probably Deku s darkest foil but it doesnt mean that Shigaraki is irredeemable cause people dont become completely different person, just because something bad happenned to them. What makes us, us is the choices we made when choices are given to us. And Shigaraki always chose to care about people around him when choices are given to him. He is still same person. He is not the evil version of Deku. Shigaraki is just Deku who has a completely tragic life.

(Well, of course there are some diversities between them but thats not the point here. Point is they are same kind of person, similar people. I think parallel characters are there to show that what kind of person this character would become, if circumtances changed. To turn a kind person like Deku to a villain, you have to give him all tragic things including maniputive father figure but still, in the end you cant destroy his true self (a person s true self). In the end, he is just who he is, even when he was broken. Well, its actually very harder than its seems though.)

2-) Uraraka and Toga:

Unlike Deku, Uraraka didnt become a hero cause of justice. She became a hero for more selfish reasons. She was coming from a poor family that support her no matter what. She hadnt got a siblings and she became a hero to support her lovely family.

Unlike Shigaraki, Toga didnt become a villain cause of the unfair hero society. She became a villain for her selfish reasons. She was coming from a rich family that rejected all she has. She had a siblings and in the end, she became a villain to abandon her family, to run away from her old life.

Uraraka and Toga could become each others. If Uraraka was born with a weird quirk like Toga had and if her family was like Toga s family, then Uraraka would also be just like Toga. Same for Toga. If she wasnt born with that kind of quirk and only her parents were supportive just like Uraraka s, Toga probably would be just like Uraraka. I am not sure that we can say “Toga is Uraraka s darkest foil” maybe if more tragic things happenned to her, she would be darker. So basically not “darkest foil” but something like “same character, different lifes” cause the parallels between them is undeniably there.

Toga isnt Uraraka s future cause their entire lives were different but the kind of person they were meant to be is same. They both also supportive characters for main characters.

Uraraka started to change after meeting Deku. She started to becoming a true hero too. Same for Toga. After meeting Shigaraki, Toga started to being less self centered and she is also becoming someone who fights against to unfair society.

So shortly about parallel foils;

its like “same character, different lives” so again the difference between them is luck.

PARALLELS

I wanted to talk about the difference between darker foils and villain/darkest foils. There might be different kind of foils though. But for now, thats it. Also i wanted to explain with a little more detailed version cause some people keep saying “they are just villains, they are irredemable” or other things but if you look at these details, i think its unfair to think like that and i dont think its true. Well, i just wanted to explain this subject.

(Thanks for reading it. Sorry for bad english. I hope, i explained it well. ^^.)

[mst3kproject]

615: Kitten With a Whip

Watching this movie is a very frustrating experience for me, and not for the reasons you might think.  Everything that happens in it just makes me squirm.  Every one of the characters is an idiot.  I hate them so much.

A young woman named Jodie Dvorak (like the keyboard) escapes from reform school and climbs through an open window to hide in a suburban house.  This happens to belong to ambitious politician David Stratton.  He finds her there in the morning and she spins him a story about how she was running away from her abusive stepfather.  For some reason David believes this, so he buys her some clothes and a bus ticket and heads home feeling like he’s made the world a slightly better place.

He’s wrong.  When he gets back to his house she’s there again, and she’s brought a heaping helping of blackmail!  Turns out Jodie not only ran away from school, she set the place on fire and stabbed one of her teachers.  Now if David doesn’t do everything she and her friends ask, she’ll accuse him of rape and ruin his career and his marriage.  He tries to make her see reason, but Jodie and her fellow delinquents aren’t reasonable people.  David will be lucky if he gets out of this alive, never mind with his political ambitions intact.

My god, this movie is terrible.  The idea had plenty of potential: David’s in a bad spot, being held hostage at the whims of this unpredictable young woman who has already demonstrated she’s happy to hurt people who get in her way.  But everything about it is done wrong, in a way that makes me want to throw things at the screen.

For starters, there’s the most noticeable problem, the acting. Kitten With a Whip was intended to be star Ann-Margaret’s big break, the movie that would prove to Hollywood that she could be a serious dramatic actress as well as a pretty face.  The character of Jodie is designed (very, very obviously, without regard to consistency or motivations) to showcase her range, running the gamut from innocence to evil, from elation to tears, terror to rage… and Ann-Margaret acts her heart out in every single scene and she’s absolutely terrible.  Not a single word out of her mouth is convincing, even on the rare occasions when Jodie is supposed to be telling the truth.  Her ferociously melodramatic delivery just screams look at me!  I’m acting!

John Forsythe isn’t much better.  He’s supposed to be a man who is trying to stay reasonable while surrounded by unreasonable people, but he never gives the impression of impotent anger (as, for example, I feel at the thought of continuing to watch this movie without actually being able to reach into the screen and strangle anybody).  Instead he just stands there bemused while everything goes on all around him.  At several points he has the opportunity to just leave the damn house with people who will listen to his problems and stand up for his character, but he never takes it.

The side characters are annoying, too.  David’s well-meaning friends and family are all stagey and false, and the situations that bring them into contact with him are painfully contrived. There is nothing to them as characters beyond the bare minimum needed to further the plot, and even that is forced and formulaic.  They’re there to ask questions and notice things and give him opportunities to escape or ask for help which he never takes.  None of them sound natural, because the things they’re doing and saying are not things any person would naturally do or say.

Jodie’s slang-talking friends are no more than an extension of her. It feels like the writers couldn’t think of any much more to do with Jodie on her own, so they decided it was time to call in more delinquents – but they can’t think of anything to do with them either, because they just go on doing exactly what Jodie’s already been doing.  It feels like the movie’s starting over.  Then, having realized it doesn’t know what to do with these people, the movie awkwardly dumps them one by one.  They leave the story having barely had any effect on it besides wasting the audience’s time.

If they were at least funny or in some way memorable maybe they wouldn’t feel so useless, but they aren’t.  The Girl is stupid, The Thug wanders around threatening people, and The Guy In The Hat rattles off pseudo-philosophical dialogue that’s supposed to be deep but transparently makes no sense, and you can tell the actor is reciting it from memory without a clue what it ought to mean.  All three of them, plus Jodie herself, go out of their way to annoy each other for no reason.  For about twenty seconds the movie attempts some kind of love triangle with them, but then realizes it’s pointless and gives up.

The plot depends on a series of coincidences, one after another. Things happen, people arrive, the doorbell or phone rings, always at exactly the wrong moment.  Jodie’s picture was on TV exactly when David was there to see it, on a screen exactly facing the table he and his friend were sitting at.  Why not have him see her in one of those stupid newspapers he’s been ignoring? That would have added some irony, in that if he’d actually read the damned things he wouldn’t have helped her in the first place.  Both his friends and Jodie’s just happen to want to go to Tijuana where they can run into each other.

The thing that makes me angriest in this entire infuriating movie, however, is what a fucking idiot David is.  Not only does he have chances to leave with his friends or tell them what’s going on and ask for help, he has multiple opportunities to just walk or drive the hell away and he never does it!  He could have told the couple who turned up to deliver the flowers!  He could have left Jodie at the motel!  He could even have said something in the strip club!  Mike and the bots talked about this a lot and sometimes I get fed up with them when they harp on a point over and over, but here they’re right.  You idiot, just leave!  Cut your losses and fucking go.  What is wrong with you?

Worst of all, it just goes on and on.  Again and again we reach a place where we could have stopped but then David’s an idiot, another coincidence happens, and the fucking movie just continues.  It never feels like there’s more to this story that we still need to see. It feels like somebody was counting pages and went, “we’re not at feature length yet, what else can I do?” So not only is everything that’s happening just frustrating, it’s also completely gratuitous.  There is no reason why I am still watching it, and yet here I am!  When Jodie steals David’s car keys at the motel, it’s all I can do not to throw my laptop across the room or stab the screen with my knitting needles.

Does this movie have a point beyond showing us how nicely that dress fits Ann-Margaret?  It tries to have a couple, but like the love triangle, it gives up pretty quickly.  One is that it’s a modernized tale of the succubus, the female sexual demon who drains a man of his will and turns him over to the devil.  David is helpless to resist Jodie and she leads him merrily down the road to hell, knowing that if he refuses she’ll ruin his life but helping her is ruining it anyway. This could actually have been a pretty nice metaphor if The Guy In The Hat hadn’t spelled it out for us letter by letter.  I guess the writers were afraid we wouldn’t get it.

The movie’s other point is the idea of respectability, and how fragile it is.  David’s friends are constantly urging him to do things that will make him seem respectable. Meet this newspaper man, tone down these points in his speech, be as appealing as possible to as many people as possible.  In order to lay the foundations of his election campaign, David must be squeaky-clean… but the thing the public loves most about squeaky-clean people is the opportunity to sully them.  This is particularly plain here on tumblr, where a person may be a popular blogger one day and then go down in flames the next, as somebody takes something they said or did in the wrong way.

Jodie seems quite drunk on the power David’s need for respectability gives her, and while I don’t understand why he doesn’t make the effort to escape, I think the reason she forces him to stay around is because she simply enjoys being in that position.  If she really did have an abusive stepfather and was then mistreated at reform school, she’s not used to being in a position of power.  Having been bullied yourself can make being a bully that much more intoxicating.

Of course, this plot thread comes with a side of ‘women only cry rape to ruin innocent men, don’t listen to them’.  That’ll be the reason you guys were expecting me to hate this movie.  Make no mistake, it does contribute, but it’s a measure of how fucking bad the whole thing is that it’s not actually the top of the list.

There have been all kinds of awful movies on MST3K and there will, I hope, continue to be.  There are ones that intrigue me, ones that amuse me, and ones that put me to sleep, but I honestly can’t think of one that makes me angrier than Kitten With a Whip.  Only Project Moon Base comes anywhere close but Kitten With a Whip still edges it out.  I’ve only seen the episode once before and I barely managed to finish it, I hated the movie so much.  Now that I’m done with this review I am never going to watch it again.  Ann-Margaret is actually still acting and she eventually won a number of Golden Globes, but I bet this movie set her career back by years. Fuck Kitten With a Whip and the horse it rode in on.

[snowdog49]

Sunrise

ROYAI Week 2019

Day 6: Revival

Rating: General Audience

His fingers tapped on the steering wheel as the soft music played in the car. It was quiet, like the sleeping form next to him. The dark road was dimly lit by the headlights, straight and narrow, leading into some farmlands. Dark haired, casually dressed, the high ranked military official took his time, driving slow to be careful of holes and bumps. He wasn't tired, as he should have been. His black eyes inspected the road which he would have guessed that it was only used by locals. Considering it was summer season, the harvests were not ready yet, and the road would have little traffic at all. Last time he drove down it was years ago, but before that, he was just a lad. It was hardly a road then. At least now he didn’t have to have her walk for miles to get there. He was sure that’d be a disaster in the least. Roy had been thinking about this for the past week. It was essential that she didn’t wake. The surprise would be ruined. Roy had never driven so carefully before. He watched diligently for wildlife, holes, and anything else that would ruin this trip for them. He wasn’t going to screw this up. It was a very important gift.

It’d already been stressful enough, and insomnia plagued both of them. She tossed and turned at night, groaning as she tossed the covers off, or pulled them closer. If she was awake, so was he. Normally he wouldn’t mind. She usually comforted him when he woke and was unable to sleep. However, she needed sleep for a whole other reason besides just going to work every day. Since he had bestowed the responsibility upon her, he would be awake when she was. It probably didn’t help her mood swings either. Roy merely tolerated those. Once he was given the news, he read every pregnancy book he could get his alchemic fingers on.     

The trip wasn’t without its specific purpose. Work had taken its toll on both of them. The paperwork and tasks didn’t decrease even though Roy explicitly told others to take parts of her duties for her. He watched her struggling to stay awake, her getting up and moving though it was painful on her swollen feet most days. No matter how bad she wanted it, the doctor, and he refused to let her exercise. At lunch last week she was lamenting on how fat she felt. No matter how often he kissed her cheek and told her that she was the most beautiful that he’d ever seen her, she only broke down and cried. There was nothing Roy could do to make her happy. She was unhappy, he was unhappy, and moreover, he felt useless.

As his fingers drummed away to the familiar tune, his chest felt full with the idea of himself being a father. It wasn't the perfect situation or time, but he'd welcome it. It was certain that he was taking it better than her. He didn't consider himself father material. His past was dark, heavy, and regretful. He didn't deserve anything. He certainly didn't deserve the sleeping angel next to him, the growing child in her, or his rise to redemption. The little light that it was, it was strong and mighty as it shone through the darkness of his deep hole of despair. He would not only change the world through his own leadership but through his child.

It was fun even to think about the child’s gender. He teetered back and forth on what he wanted, but truth be told, he didn’t care. Sitting down with Havoc, he admitted that a girl would be wonderful. She’d have anything she wanted. Riza only giggled and told Havoc that Roy just wanted a boy so that he had someone to get in trouble with. Roy imagined both worlds clearly. He did have a habit of having clear and larger than life ambitions. It was even amusing to him, imagining himself, a General, with a little girl attached to his finger, dressed in her finest dress, as he inspected the troops in the morning. He could see a six-year-old boy, looking identical to himself, jumping around the cadet school and playing on the training equipment. He snorted as he imagined Lieutenant Breda holding his girl, being ordered to read her favorite book to her for the tenth time.

The short golden hair, peaceful expression, and twitching fingers were lost in the dark car. Roy knew they were there, however, the only illumination was from the dash and the stereo, which was a yellow weak glow. It was probably best for a darker interior. It’d help her sleep. He was more surprised that she had only woke once when they were at the gas station when he was getting gas. She went in to use the restroom.

"Where are we?"

“I don’t know,” he lied with a shrug. “I’m just driving.”

She looked around nervously. “When are we going to head back?”

Roy shrugged again.

“I hope my legs don’t cramp,” she warned, getting back into the vehicle. He put his jacket over her before starting the car and continued on his way.

He hadn't been in this direction in a long while. His dark eyes glanced at her as she snored lightly, seemingly as if she was waking up. He held his breath, hoping that she wouldn’t be angry that he had dragged her out into the wilderness. But she didn't. Riza shifted, letting out a hum, her body stiffening and relaxing. Roy could hardly believe how beautiful she was. Granted, it was the same thought that led the two of them into this situation, but she continued to blow by his expectations every day. He woke up next to her and felt as if he was blessed as if he wasn’t a complete failure after all. Though having a child out of wedlock was viewed as irresponsible and maybe heavy looked down upon, Roy put all that aside and still puffed his chest out with pride. He loved Riza with all his heart. He couldn’t say that he regretted it...yet...

It was exciting too. Every new turn of events, every experience was seemingly more exciting than the next. He thought back to just the other day when they were in the office. She jumped in her seat, resulting in a quick jump from him as well. Every officer nearby looked at her.

"It kicked," she had whispered, putting her hand on her stomach.

"Kick it back," an officer joked.

But Roy didn't hear that. He only felt the sinking of his heart that he couldn't run to her and touch her. He couldn't feel his child. It wouldn't be till they got home. By that point, he was following her around with his hand stuck to her stomach in constant anticipation. When they slept, her back tightly tucked into his chest, his hand resting on her, waiting even in his dreams for his child to reach out to him. The moment he did feel it, Riza could do nothing but laugh at him. He jumped up and down, celebrating with such vigor. Once was not enough either. He continued to follow her, relentless, without a parting touch until Riza had enough and swatted him away.

Another strange difference was her smell. Roy could have sworn that it was her hormones that made her smell so good. He was attracted to her, so naturally. He found himself leaning over her shoulder at work, or holding her from behind, just to nuzzle her hair. It was intoxicating! He even joked that her body was brainwashing his body. And he did want her. He wanted her madly some days. It seemed as if a primal instinct was released from him to protect and care for her. Maybe it was the smell of his unborn child, that made him so attracted to her. He wasn’t sure. But Roy wanted to be by her side and serve her with every want and wish. That included snuggling up to her to get another deep breath of her.

The other side of the hormones was her sexual arousal. He wouldn’t deny it. He was drawn to her like Breda was drawn to a meatball sub, or maybe Hayate to bacon. And it was never that he found her unattractive. At seven months, it was difficult for him to mentally move past having sex with her with the baby there. She insisted, begged, for it. And he tried, but he continued to worry about hurting her or his heir. She was blatantly pregnant at this point. It wasn’t just some small bump he could mentally get over.

"I'm not made out of glass, damn it." She screamed at him. "You already got me pregnant! Fuck me like you mean it."

Maybe he'd come around to it.

The sky above him began to wake. The dark l, starry blanket above him brightened and the stars faded to their own slumber. He was almost there. He would have been there earlier if it wasn't for the road conditions. But he wasn't late, and that was the important part. When he did arrive at the parking lot, Roy felt horrible for waking her. He’d much rather let her sleep. It was as if she was finally catching up from all those lost nights. He reached back, grabbing their jackets and a blanket, his gentle touch awakening her.

"Riza, Love… wake up."

She opened her eyes, noticing how dark it was. She didn't even know where she was. "Where…"

"Thought that we'd get away for a morning." He smiled at her. Roy reached back one more time, handing her a roll of toilet paper. "You better go," he offered.

Riza pulled herself out of the car, stretching towards the warming sky. He watched as she rubbed her leg as she looked around. "I got stiff," she yawned. "Guess I better find a bush before this child decides to puncture my bladder." She couldn't even squat on her own. Roy felt as a good "husband," he should be helping her even in this moment of vulnerability. He squatted behind her, holding her from behind as she did her best to go pee. She was a highly independent woman, never needing help. She was disciplined, calm, level headed, and most of all, loyal. Though all these qualities were never… mostly never...compromised with the pregnancy, her independence was somewhat taken from her. She was barely wouldn't even be able to tie her shoes. She was seven along and was more than upset she couldn't pick up dropped papers and pens. Roy had offered to get her a lieutenant to help her. That ended well…

He helped her put on her jacket, more out of courtesy, and extended his elbow for her, as if he was taking her to dance. She smiled, tiredly, her eyes wrinkled with sleep, taking his arm and following him. He could tell that she wanted to keep up with him, go at a faster rate. But He took his time, letting her set the pace. “Doesn’t this place look familiar,” she grinned sideways, knowing exactly where she was. “You’re very clever, Roy Mustang.”

He snickered, cresting the top of a knoll. He pulled the blanket from under his arm while she stood looking East.

“I haven’t been here in forever,” she admitted quietly.

That left a big grin on Roy’s face. The sky was brightening faster, the stars already are gone. Slowly a bright, yellow glow grew on the horizon; pink and purple erupting in a beautiful blend towards the high of the sky. Roy wrapped the blanket over his shoulders before pulling her into his chest. His arms wrapped the flannel blanket around the two of them. He knew she’d enjoy his warmth on a cool morning. Roy rested his head on her shoulder, taking advantage of his position to smell her. His hold on her tightened as the glow brightened, the golden rays reaching out from the green fields. The land awoke with the sun’s yawns, peaking above the horizon to greet the world. To top it all off, birds below them in the trees began to chirp lightly.

“Feel better,” he whispered in her ear.

He felt her nod, leaning her head against his. “I do. Thank you”

There were many things that made her perfect to him. He couldn’t name all of them, but he felt them. And one of those things was when he held her during a sunrise. It didn’t matter if it was a hill in her hometown or in bed with the blinds open, the feeling of warmth and deep connection radiated through him. That moment was when he felt most complete.

“Nothing like starting a new day with the sun, feeling renewed,” he sighed.

“A birth of a new day,” she giggled. “That is a little ironic.”

Roy laughed. “I think it is yes.”

[saltyslack-toast]

How I deal with my puberty

“Teenagers are the most misunderstood people on the planet. They are treated like children and expected to act like adults”  – Anonymus.

Facing the ‘youth age’ seems to be very interesting for most of the pre-teen age kids, they thought it will be filled with good memories, cool friends, hangouts, parties, and probably some of charming boyfriends. Well for some of kids, teenage phase is the way it is, they called it for a ‘stupid phase of life’ because they have been through all those reckless and dumb things yet so exciting and memorable events at the same time, but for me teenage life is probably the most broken phase of life.

Start in my early teenage which was in the 5th grade of my elementary, I started having a crush with my one year older senior. Everything was went smooth, I used to have a lot of guts to actually approach him and surprisingly he responded it very well, I’m gonna count that shit as my real first love (since I already have a crush to boys since I was in kindergarten). He was soon graduated and I CRIED SO MUCH, I don’t even understand why would I cried so much back then, but it is kinda sad because that was the first time a boy actually like me back lol and also bc me and him not gonna be in the same school again because he decided to continue his education in Islamic boarding school which was so far away from the area we lived and obviously school which my parents not gonna approves me to go to. Last year of my elementary was the first time I got period, the changes all over my body was so appalling, my voice was getting more shrill and my breast swelling so much i started used a fucking mini-bra that has a cute character printed in it. Also, this stage filled with academics stuff to prepare the junior high school and fighting with my own teacher (she was terrorizing me through anon messages, dude not gonna lie but that shit is scared me as fuck) because…. That’s a fucking long-ass story I’m going to tell you a whole complete story on different page. I got a very terrific result for my academic stuff but I also start to received a lot of bullies from the boys in school, well that was poor but I still have a very good girl pals in school that always accompany me until I managed to graduate elementary school with a very keen grade and also knowledge that my body is changed A LOT.

My middle school life would probably the darkest stage of my life, I did enter one of favorite school in Bandung which I wanted to, but I’m not as happy as I thought to be. I’m amazed with all the bewitching seniors and that’s quite tempted me to have another activity outside the academic stuff which I hoped I could get close with the seniors and try my luck to actually dating with one of them (I was so obsessed to approach to the seniors because dude just admit it, u need that RECOGNITION to survived a new phase of school life, especially when u had a popular life back in previous school stage), but I joined a fucking scouting which was the most unpopular extracurricular activities in school (Pffffttt……….). The first year was quite so so, and up to the next years I really gulping a lot of bullies from the boys (again) more than I received my whole life that was so awful I even got scared just to attend the school. At this point, my level of confidence just dropped so bad until it penetrated the last form of earth soil, I was so insecure, I can barely made any eye contact with people, since then I became more closed to people, I was so scared for getting rejection, bad and all the harsh word from people I met. And for the record, I still remember all of their names, I’M NOT GONNA TO FORGET ALL OF U BITCH, U’VE RUINED MY LIFE.

Due to all the bullies I seized, I’m not maximizing my potential and have to accept the fact that I didn’t went to the high school I wanted so bad (which was the number one in Bandung, perhaps in Indo as well), instead, I have to go the high school (still one of the most-favorited high school in B-town though) that is filled with the most popular peeps in Bandung and known for the superiority of the all the seniors there, CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE THAT? A girl who was traumatized so bad, scared of might get bullies since she’s not as beautiful, popular, rich or even attractive as most of the other girls in school. I was crying so bad to accept that difficult truth that I might got bullied again. But hey, there’s always a rainbow after the storm, turns out I did quite well in high school, I joined the student council and got so many good friends and capable of having group of girls squad (eventhough I always be the duff) and more active in non-academic stuff that lead me to a very bad grade result.

The relationship with my family is not went so smooth at all, I used to buried all my problems deep down on myself alone, and the result is no good. I was overly sensitive and got upset and explode VERY EASILY. My family doesn’t help at all, they also blame me for anything, made me hate myself more. I need to run away from this situation, I need to shed my resentment over something, AND THAT’S THE BEGINNING. I started to slashed my fingers with a cutter, not really bad, just until I saw blood drops over my fingers. But then the problem got more serious, I am addicted, after I had through a big fight with my family I start cutting up all over my hands, the blood is overwhelming (yet, I still had the time for doing the documentation, but obviously I’m not gonna post it in here anw, or maybe I will, ofcourse with a proper sensor), even when my sister have taken away all the cutters, I still use my nails to scratching my skin harshly until it get bleed terribly and left a very bad scars on my hands until now.

I failed academic stuff in high school miserably, and had to be genuinely accept the reality that I have to go to not-so-favorited-private uni in Cimahi, I took International Relations because that is the only major that is accredited with an A, lol but yeah my sister realized that I like to talk politics a lot and I’m not so bad in English (kinda true, nah still sucks). And yeah until now I just currently finished the 3rd semester very well. I got a very good grades (Probably because I regret my academic stuff so much in high school) and hoping that nice event will come up to me. My goals right now is to graduate college as soon and as perfect grades as possible, and got a very good job soon after I graduate, Oh God I want… No, I really need that things so bad.

Now I am 20 on April this year, so much things has happened in my teenage life but most of all is not that impressive because I came to be more ignorant(?), but geez I grew up doesn’t care about people, they are all so mean and cruel. But at the same time, people are so interesting to learn, including yourself. Teenage phase could be so difficult for some of you (just like me, or perhaps worse), but chillax that shit will over soon if you able to learn about yourself, finds out about anything you like and don’t, stop hearing all those shit opinion about you, what matter most is what makes you happy, focused on it and leave all the bad and negativity behind, and TRUST ME you’re gonna get over your hard-teenage-life phase soon! And if you were angry to your parents (I’m pretty sure that fight with parents happens all the time in everyone’s teenage life), take a deep breath and thinking something funny in your head, after u have control all the madness inside yourself, get over your parents nicely because that shit will never get over if you were just as emotional as them.

The more you grown up the more you understood about people around you, there are people that is fake, people that is actually care about you, and other types of people out there. Puberty might be shocking for some of you, you finds a lot of changes both in your physical and mental conditions, no need to be worry about that, is normal and very understandable. The passion for being ‘seen’ would be very strong, it would be good for you to use this ambition to achieve many great things in life but don’t forget to take care yourself and those people who care about you.

“Tough time never last, but tough people will do” – Robert H. Schuller

So yeah, that was the end of this boring and so weird writing of mine. I am so sorry if this shit was that bad and also the grammar errors that is whack (even though no one probably read it lol), this was my first experience to actually writing and posted in on any platform online, hoped my writing will get better next time!

Xiao!