#we could have so much more...
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upset because every time I see tiktok about j**nsa getting viral/more popular, I think about the possibility of people loving jonarya if only show was more like a books
#jonarya#needleheart#jonrya#im thinking about people using that scene when Jon talking with Arya on the balcony#or her peperring jon with kisses#oh oh! or if they didnt cut of that moment of 'and no mater what. dont tell sansa!#or if they didnt cut of the "sometimes different roads lead to the same caste' or whatever was that sentence of Jon's#or maybe letting characters in the show say out loud some of their thoughts about each other#like imagine we would get Arya in that green dress and Gendry compliments her#and she says 'Jon used to call me pretty'#or maybe Jon speaking with Sam and maybe Sam says 'think about something relaxing for once' and Jon's voice softens and#my little sister... I used to mess her hair. and we often speak in unison. we always knew what the other was thinking'#OR if they actually made Jon & Arya's renuing about Jon and Arya#without adding the topic of S**sa and Arya protecting her#like imagine Jon would mess up her hair AFTER ALL THESE TIME again and call her pretty AGAIN#and arya would say her worriees like 'but my hair are short and i look like a boy even more than before' and jon would smile softly#and hug her tighly his face in her hair and 'you will always be pretty in my eyes little sister'#like please so many things editors would be able to work with#and viewers to actually see how deeply they are important to each other#LIKE BRO#we could have so much more...#and i said that all accepting that the show would still go with S**nsa going ro R**say and not Jeyne#but god imagine if they went with book version Jon actually dying for Arya asdfghj
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everyone out of the way, this is the only thing I'm going to be thinking about from now on.
(okay, there is one more thing)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#jade is having the time of his life being a nasty little mofo and i love him for it#and gosh...leona and sally being friends is SO cute#sometimes i forget that leona is canonically a feminist#sally poisons a man and he's like 'you go girl'#they have so much in common though!#they both have eye scars and no ears on the sides of their heads!#no but they're adorable and i love it#and i suppose i have to reluctantly admit that i understand why lilia could not be in this event#he would just be stuffing frogs into his mouth left and right without even blinking#every time we get a moment of culture-clash he would just be there like 'mm-hm. yes. i do not see the problem.'#man. i do so adore any event that forces the boys to Work Together#their one weakness...not being petty dipshits who get into slapfights at the drop of a hat#absolutely nothing got done that first day and the mayor set off the emergency alarm because he was so done with them#this is perfection#anyway brb gotta go do some missions for the other jack's birthday#see you next week for more of scully becoming increasingly disillusioned with all these fake halloween fans
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A Moment in Time - Dearly Missed
#love them so much#a moment in time is the title because seeing the sunlight once more is gonna only be for a short period of time...#because karlach [spoilers] non blue ended#and astarion spawn ending#the two people who havent seen the sun in decades#enjoying the sunshine that was robbed from them when they were forced into servitude#i only wish we could have extended this time for them... i wish nothing but happiness for them#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion bg3#karlach#karlach bg3#bg3 karlach#astarion ancunin
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Still thinking about Gortash’s coronation and how smoothly he cuts a Durge off from their companions (and wishing we had a follow up with that)
The first words out of his mouth are that he cares about them- anybody else who remembers Durge has only distain for them, but not him- he’s happy to see them, he missed them, they’re his favorite assassin and he’s only glad to see them alive
And then he takes it a step further by providing insight into their past, something Ketheric refused to do for them- and Gortash isn’t dumb. He knows exactly how Durge’s companions will react, knows that he’s effectively outing Durge when he so easily could have pulled them to the side instead
And when their companions snap at them and refuse to look at them, Gortash is still smiling. Suddenly, he’s the nicest person in the room. Suddenly, everything is unstable and dangerous- but he likes you. He’s sitting there with open arms while the companions are rightfully so mad with Durge, but Gortash is more than happy to resume their alliance
He’s more than happy to be their sole source of comfort again, and isn’t he just so sweet for that?
#anyways really wish we did have a follow up- it feels like he so very effectively gets between Durge and their companions#and all of the companions are rightfully mad at them#and then you just keep on trucking along and eventually it feels like that conversation didn’t happen#which is too bad- I think it could be a lot of fun to put more pressure on Durge and co#and I think it’s a fun insight into Gortash’s character#he’s remarkably honest during that whole conversation and it’s all incredibly manipulative#plus I like to think he knows how finicky durge can be- and how quickly they feel backed up against a wall when their friends snap at them#and there he is. conveniently offering a different option#conveniently offering for them to fall back into step#which is nifty! mostly because it’s both caring (as much as someone like Gortash knows how to) and super manipulative#durgetash#Durge#enver gortash#bg3#bg3 spoilers
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the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh
#lucanis is being SO cringe with that line right out there in public and I would die for him. it's just such a weird thing to say#tbf if anyone in the world is used to the insane things lucanis says and would go 'yes yes lucanis waxing poetic about coffee#in ways normal people reserve for trying to get in someone's pants (the roast won't fuck you lucanis)#we've all heard it' like it's all normal I suppose it would be illario. and also he's too busy with the 'shit fuck shit he's not dead#he's not dead of the family members 'supposed' to be dead we're at two definite failures out of two and woe me if the twain should meet#if that IS a demon in there it sure talks exactly in the same bizarre way only my cousin does#does that mean anything what the fuck do I do who do I kill about this' internal monologue I guess#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I mean he does very much say that to a non-romancing rook too which only makes it all the more delightfully odd#is it a very lucaniscore way of testing the waters. is it just how he always talks about coffee. many plausible approaches here#no one forced him to bring up kisses and 'you should try it' out of the blue like that is all I'm saying. he could have acted normal#(theoretically)#i feel there are reasons to read some stuff into it lol#lucanis when rye says he prefers tea: it's so over cautious overture I don't quite understand myself yet gently rebuffed#lucanis when rye takes him up on the 'so what should a first kiss be' theme: oh we're so back!!!! wait. what. what do I do now#what is this#it's kind of really sweet that rook answers with their own playfully florid beverage based barely hidden metaphor at the end too#matching freaks and having fun with it#as far as lucanis is concerned rye's only true flaws are 1) prefers tea to coffee (oh well. no one can be perfect. cross-cultural love#can conquer all even in this) and 2) weird taste in interior design (did we really HAVE to bring your 15 foot tall corpse statues#with us home rook. I can understand a tasteful skull here and there but this seems excessive. well if it makes you happy I guess)
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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I made a compilation of references for the main tmnt characters from every iteration and I thought it would be helpful, so I’m posting it here :]👍
I brightened the saturation in some so it’s more readable
Also, this is so cute, I’m keeping this
Edit: I forgot about bay Donnie, updated version
#tmnt vs Batman needs more love#It’s barely talked about#It’s great I swear#plus I love the character design#It’s a pity we could only see the turtles 😔#also#the character design changes so much in idw#so I just added some#because you could make a whole page just on that#also also#if you wonder why I didn’t add bayverse April and Casey#It’s because they don’t have April or Casey vibes#idk#I didn’t add splinter cause I forgot#tmnt#tmnt mirage#tmnt 87#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2012#tmnt idw#tmnt bayverse#rottmnt#tmnt mm
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pjo should have become an animated series instead of live action send tweet
#i probably said this before but i found myself getting upset by it again#animated series generally have more seasons bc of the fact the actors dont look older#PLUS THERED BE SO MUCH MORE OPPORTUNITIES…. grey eyed annie…….#and we could have gotten HoO and maybe even ToA but THATS UNLIKELY NOW#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#pjoverse#pjo series
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Wars and Wild as knights in Lu
They have issues.
I have a lot of thoughts on Wild and Wars and their relationship (Order of this post is talking about saluting, Wild and Wars' different perspectives, memory issues, and fire) Rant time.
No saluting!!
So Wild took a formal- almost/awkwardly saluting pose when Wars confronted him in 'Entrance pt.2'
It's similar to the first time Wild addressed Wars as 'captain'. His left hand is up from where a salute should be, and his overall posture is awkward, with his shoulders and right hand raised, but it's clear he's trying to do a salute in the presence of a fellow knight.
In the second example his hand is behind his head, but his posture is very straight and his right arm stiff- he's again attempting a formal saluting position. Which is still awkward
It is less clear but his changes in posture clued me in. He goes from like a deer in the headlights to visibly sweating to straight backed and looking up at Wars- looking at the changes in his body language
Side note but I literally love how Jojo draws the champions tunic so much-
We can't see the action of Wild's body language in a comic, just the positions he went to. But he visibly leaned away from Wars before switching to a straight backed saluting-like posture. He's clearly freaked out, hence Twilight's face: >:(
I think that Wild taking somewhat military poses around Wars is important to their relationship issues because it comes from his struggle with memory and identity
.
So like. All of them have different perspectives
Wars
I adore Wars. He is baby and I love him. I think it is also important to acknowledge that he would not speak to any of the others this way.
And the scarf man cmon it's so pretty they are so cute-
Why is Wars talking to Wild like this? He's called him out and reprimanded him multiple times in front of the others. Wild has taken it well but tbh if it was Legend I think he would be on fire.
To some extent I think he is in captain mode. I think that he has trouble seeing Wild as not a knight. Wars gives Wild respect as a knight who sacrificed for his kingdom, but now it seems he's taking it away as a knight who's not doing well enough since he 'disregarded the plan'
At least I think that's the outside (or Wild's) view of it. But Wars internally really cares about Wild and he saw him run up to a giant and lose it. Different ways of showing concern perhaps?
Who wouldn't want to keep Wild from getting more scars?
I just. Don't doubt for a second Wars really cares about Wild- even if the way he's acting still isn't cool. He has no right to treat him like a soldier any more than the rest of the chain, and right now I think Wild is acting as the more mature person.
Wild
I adore Wild. He is baby and I love him. I think it is also important to acknowledge that although he is clearly making efforts after Twilight's injury, Wild has ignored Wars for the majority of Lu, by not speaking to him much, and not thanking or acknowledging Wars when he directly helped him. (Small example being walking with Hyrule not Wars when injured and not directly responding to Wars)
Wars cares about and respects Wild, but it seems Wild wants nothing to do with him, and he's been cold towards Wars for the majority of Lu. To Wild, Wars reminds him of his perceived failure. Which is valid feelings, but still not fair. And I think that ask is talking about these two.
The thing I love about this is each of them are right and wrong in some ways, leading to the tension between them. So fully blaming either of them is not logical
The rest of the chain is just vibing. Except twilight who's mad and wants them to just grow up, but. Heros of courage not wisdom @uniquevoidflowers ;)
And that ask- '''Are any of the Links ever jealous of another Link for adventures that were less difficult/life threatening?'' ''When you hear Wild say he 'hates' someone you'll have your answer.''' somewhat leads to my next point-
Wild's identity and memory issues exacerbate all of this
In Entrance, Twilight is being stressed and defensive, that's ok. What concerns me most is that Twilight has talked with Wild through stuff like this in his rough moments
Wild has tried to be formal several times- he is not very good at it
Four's face I can't didnwidkekfjej
Wild isn't and can't be 'him'- the same 'perfect' (<actually has crippling anxiety) knight he was before, and Twilight knows this. And I agree with him a bit, I think, that Wars is making things worse in Wild's mind by being that perfect soldier, and seemingly holding Wild to a standard he isn't
Wild's attempts at saluting is symbolic of that- Wars makes him feel like a failure trying to be the person he should be. But Wild shouldn't be anyone but himself.
Anyways. Fire.
Wars and Wild have issues, and I want them to work through all their relationship drama so they can reach their PEAK dynamic, which is obviously this
I mean like. We need these two to be friends
Anyways. Wild is in this constant state of identity crisis, and being around Wars has not been beneficial- neither of them is or has been showing the other the respect they deserve. Not as knights, but as people and brothers. They need a get along shirt.
All this Art is by Jojo @linkeduniverse au!
:)
#that's it that's my argument. they need a get along shirt#I think times armor would work. they are small enough to be the kids shoved in dads clothes to get along#it could hold up when wars starts breathing fire and wild blowing stuff up#linked universe#linkeduniverse#hiii Jesse#Lu wild#lu wars#let's talk about it! I know some of yall will disagree with me probably on some of this#open communication and whatnot#but. do not take this post to hate on wild or wars bc they are both baby <3 fire babies#this post took like three days. like it.#<wait that's unclear. I don't mean literally like it lol I just want you to like as because I made it for you and want it to make you happy#':D if I've said anything like mean or offensive accidentally sorry let me know. we all care so much about these little arsonists <33#remember you are loved yall matter so much and I care about you#:)#if I have type the word 'wars' or 'wild' one more time I'm gonna lose it
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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Wei Wuxian should be able to get drunk for once. I think he'd either be singing bawdy drinking songs on the roof of the Jingshi or he'd be getting irrevocably lost no matter where he is. He's found in the bushes behind the mountains like a cryptid, and then he's like "I can't believe you all got lost" (extremely slurred) as if he didn't get embarrassed by something Lan Wangji had said and just somehow disappeared when everyone looked back at him
oh ABSOLUTELY im walking with u and nodding and agreeing, i can see him becoming an absolute menace to keep track of at his drunkest.
anyway heres wonderwall The Gang (Wangxian & their fave group of ducklings) in a city known for its STRONG wine and wuxian being like well. ur all grown now, youre technically not juniors anymore. we have to see whos lasting the longest against this stuff!, smash cut to a suspiciously wei ying-less group of the worlds drunkest cultivators being wrangled through the woods by designated driver hanguang-jun, with at least 2 of them clinging to his robes at all times.
#i ALSOOOO LOVE the hc that wuxians just. very affectionate when drunk. bc he lowkey is that way in canon#we dont really know if the alcohols affecting him a lot when him n wangji r drinking but he sure is affectionate#but i think thats Stage One of drunk wuxian. like b99 with the 1-drink-amy system#he goes Unaffected -> lovey dovey -> musical -> fucking off into the woods#also THE IMAGES ARE LOADING IN WE DID IT GANG!#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#wei wuxian#lan wangji#sketch#doodle#jin ling#lan sizhui#lan jingyi#ouyang zizhen#sizhui came back to life somewhere between the Petname Drop and the ensuing panic he felt the Anxious Dad vibes radiating off wangji#wangji Attempts to question wwx as to why the fuck he RAN AWAY???? when he sobers up and all wwx has to offer to the conversation is#'well to be fair im a fragile man'#as if that explains anything#except post-canon wangxian understand eachother far too well so it does in fact explain everything#wwx when lwj is nice to him: ???husband is unyielding???husband is cruel??? husband wants me dead??? husband wants me to have heart attack?#JAIL for husband! JAIL FOR 1000 YEARS! but first! self imposed exile!#i was gonna make this longer so it made more sense and was actually good but its 00:38 so u see why i dont wanna? anyway#wwx drunk out of his mind on the roof of the jingshi with wen ning: BIG DIRTY STINKIN BASS! DIRTY STINKIN BASS! DIRTY DIRTY STINKIN BASS#lwj who just got back from a solo nighthunt internally: i wasnt aware he COULD get drunk? am i impressed? i think im impressed?#also the stick in his waistband. very much not chenqing. he dropped chenqing at some point and just pciked up a random stick and was like#yuh thatll do#and fun fact it will not in fact do
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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🧙♀️🐈⬛
#xmen#avengers#xmen comics#avengers comics#wanda maximoff#scarlet witch#francesca the cat#ORGANIC FRANCESCA POSTING FROM SNAP ??more likely than you think..#snap sketches#did i doodle this just so i could rant in my tags. maybe.#i will talk about this doodle first tho ... cause i still like to ramble bout my own stuff....#uhhh i just wanted to draw wanda :) and fran :) yeah thats it jvAELKJEKLAJ#thought itd be cutesy ... they can be friends ... if mags will be apprehensive about the cat wanda will be the exact opposite#its only natural ..... ok Unrelated Vent/Ramble Time#i was very mad when i started drawing this but ive mellowed out considerably... still i love complaining..#ill delete my venty ranty tags in the morn .. for now i need my piece read .. or at least out there for my sanity ..#anyways tldr we all know i hate my mom and i very much do not like using 'hate' so lightly when i hate I Hate#like you know the hate speech from I Have No Mouth yeah literally me. literally me about my mom#most days i tolerate her because she barely exists in the same room as i for more than thirty seconds#but tonight. Ugh. note to self remember to never ask her for anything again. as is what ive said for years..#what a fool i was to think that would ever change. THAT in of itself is whatever yk her being irritating when it comes to. Being A Parent#but then she had the gall to start talking about my dad like oh my god see NOW im getting mad again#nothing makes me angrier than her talking about my dad like. UGH ill cap it there so i dont catch on fire somehow#also ill feel compelled to drop three novel's worth of lore and i dont have tags for that. also this is just supposed to be a cute doodlejV#i had plans to draw something else that was cutesy but then i got mad and couldnt focus on it#so now we're here... in any case bye bye. ill try to continue that other idea..#then i wanna focus on another thing.... if i make any progress on That afterwards it'll be a miracle
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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I've seen the headcanon that Lucanis' mother, Caterina's perfect heir, was actually similar to Illario in some ways. That she was calculating, ruthless, ambitious, obedient... all the things Caterina overlooks in Illario because Caterina sees her favourite daughter's deep brown eyes and quiet, controlled demeanor and careful planning in Lucanis.
But I am also attached to the idea that the opposite is true too. That Illario's mother shared similarities with Lucanis; that she was empathetic and stubborn, with a slight rebellious streak. But she was always outgoing and charming, was more impulsive with her emotions, and was always sharper with her tongue than with a sword, so Caterina only sees her in Illario.
I just love the idea that Caterina can't look beyond the surface and see who her grandsons really are because on some level she can't see past the ghosts reflected in their eyes. She can't see that the quiet brown eyed boy is is more of the gentle hearted rebel, and the one with blue eyes and a shining, fake smile is the ruthless leader who would do anything she asked.
#Illario Dellamorte#Lucanis Dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#I wish we knew anything about their families#Illario's name means happy. You could (and I choose to) read that as meaning his parents' main wish for him was happiness.#What does that say about them as people?#What does it mean that a Dellamorte once looked at their newborn and their only thought was 'I hope he's happy'#I have been thinking about the Dellamortes all morning at work#Lucanis' mother the favourite child the quiet one who learned to turn off her emotions and would do anything to keep her status as favourit#Vs loud emotional Illario's mother the less favourite because she was rebellious and stubborn and tried to be her own person#(as much as she could)#(Also imagining Lucanis' mother sneaking into her younger sister's room at night after she's punished and tending to her#the way Lucanis and Illario will do years later)#I like the idea of Illario's mother being a bit of a rebel because I think a lot of people look at Illario and think disobedient rebel#despite the fact that I think objectively Illario is the more obedient one#he has disobedient rebel energy but in canon he's a follower who doesn't even consider breaking the rules unless it's Lucanis' idea#(until he has Lucanis killed but you could argue even that is him following Crow rules it's just him being who Caterina raised him to be)#I really want to know what's up with their families though. Lucanis is the horse Caterina is betting on. Lucanis' mother was the first of#her children to die. What makes her so sure Lucanis is the best option? Is it just that Lucanis is less like her and she knows she failed?#Is there something about Illario that makes her see him an ineligible? I want to interview her.#anyways I have to go back to work now hopefully this all makes sense I don't have time to proofread anything oops this is how much I ramble#when I don't have the time to go back and edit it down and take out all my irrelevant thoughts
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