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moonstruckme · 3 days ago

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Thawing Out

collab with @ellecdc

cw: modern au, chronic pain, alcohol, smoking

poly!wolfstar x fem!reader ♡ 3.2k words

Remus is quiet the next day at practice. Or maybe that’s only in your head. After all, it’s not like he can just shout across the ice at you like he used to at home, not with the rink packed with a dozen other figure skaters practicing before their events today and tomorrow. Maybe it’s only easier for you to imagine he feels as confused and conflicted as you do.

Evidently you’d been wrong about the feelings between Remus and Sirius. Or if you were right, Remus hasn’t taken notice of it himself yet. But perhaps it’s not your place to assume that you know what he wants. As you learned last night, you don’t even know what you want.

You didn’t realize how badly you’ve been wanting to kiss Remus until he did it for you. Your mind emptied out and your body reacted like it had been waiting for years, desperate to feel him, to learn all of him, with your mouth and your hands and the press of your nose against his cheek. Your skin became more sensitive than it’s ever been under his touch. You’ve never felt more aware of your body than you are on the ice, but Remus ignited something different in you. The softest press of his hand made you want to bend and mold yourself to his liking.

Ordinarily, you’d be desperate to tell Sirius. He’s your best friend, your partner, he’s known about every crush you’ve had since you were teenagers. But when you woke up this morning, thought about seeing him and divulging every detail from the night before, something odd and unpleasant curdled in your gut.

You’ve never had the urge to keep secrets from Sirius before. But this, you find, you don’t want him to know. It makes you feel sick even now, going in and out of turns with him while Remus watches you both from outside the boards. Watching your best friend look at you like everything is normal, with all the trust in the world, and knowing that you’re keeping this from him.

You feel guilty, though you don’t know why. And you don’t know if it’s for kissing Remus or for letting Remus kiss you. All you know is that suddenly whenever Sirius looks at you, you feel like you’re holding his heart in your hands, and you aren’t certain you can be trusted with it.

“The American is looking at you,” Sirius says as you finish your routine.

You glance behind you, catching the eyes of another skater before he looks away. Your face heats.

“He could’ve been looking at you,” you point out.

“Babe, there are lots of people here looking at me, but just as many with their eyes on you.” Sirius grins, slipping an arm around your waist. “We can feed the rumors that we’re together if you want to keep them from bothering you,” he says in a low voice, eyes drooping in a show of flirtation, “but don’t pretend you’re not the most gorgeous thing here.”

Remus’ voice echoes in your head. You’re beautiful. Your heartbeat pounds. Sirius is watching you with an easy familiarity, waiting for you to either give him the go ahead or tell him to back off. The feeling of his hand on your back makes something tighten in your core, even as that strange guilt spreads through the same area like a blight.

You swallow. “Would you be okay to run the death spiral again?”

Sirius blinks. “Now? It’s a bit crowded for that.”

“I think we can manage.” You move away from his arm, taking him by the hand instead. Your eyes meet Remus’ as you skate to a clear part of the rink. Maybe it’s still only your imagination, but you think he looks as distraught as you feel.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Remus feels like a piece of shit.

He’s known about Sirius’ feelings for you since forever, but you’d looked at Remus like he was still worthy of admiration and apparently that was all it took to bring him to his knees. It felt like the worst possible betrayal of Sirius, who was finally maybe becoming his friend, and then when Remus had tried to reverse course he’d hurt you, too.

The way you’d looked at him—surprised, wounded, uncertain. Remus had been too panicked to give you the explanation you deserved. He’d left you like that. And though you acted normal at practice today, he can tell he’s left you confused.

Weeks of building trust with the both of you—at first unconsciously, but lately with more intention and hope—and Remus has managed to ruin it in the course of a night. You and Sirius deserve better.

Remus wanted to be your friend—if his actions last night were any indication, part of him has wanted to be more than that—but he’ll have to make it up to you by being your coach. If he can’t do anything else, he still can get you through this competition. He’ll leave it up to you to decide if you want anything to do with him after that.

And part of being your coach, he reasons, is making sure you get enough sleep the night before competition. He doubts you’ll want to see him again, but still Remus knocks on your door to ensure you’re getting ready for bed at a reasonable hour. His heart squeezes when you answer with your toothbrush in your mouth, those sweet pajamas of yours creased and crinkled from the night before. You’re an angel for making it easy on him, your usual smiley self as you assure Remus you’re going straight to bed and wish him a good night before shutting the door.

Sirius’ room is only next to yours. The lights are out, which Remus takes as a good sign, but when he knocks there’s no answer. He knocks again.

“Sirius,” he says into the doorframe. “Just say something if you’re going to sleep.”

He waits for a groan or a resentful grumble, but there’s no sound. He knocks for a while longer. When Remus finally gets out his phone to call his charge, he listens for buzzing in the room, but he doesn’t hear it.

Sirius picks up on the third ring.

It takes Remus a while to find him. Sirius’ instructions were vague and convoluted, partly because he was lost himself and partly because of the way his words were slurring. Eventually Remus locates the other boy on the rooftop of a bar, Sirius’ legs dangling out over the street and a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

Remus has to negotiate with the bar manager for a handful of minutes before he’s shown the frightening metal ladder that goes up to the roof. When he sits down beside Sirius, the first thing he does is pluck the cigarette from between his lips.

“Oi!” Sirius turns to him. Remus sets a hand on his chest, a perhaps overcautious measure to ensure he doesn’t lean himself right off the roof. “I thought you were cool about that.”

“Not the night before comp.” Remus steals the cig for himself, looking at Sirius over the glow of the cherry. “Did they just let you up here?”

It takes Sirius a second to catch onto what he’s asking about. “Yeah. Why?”

Remus shakes his head, fighting a grin. “You always get whatever you want, don’t you?”

Sirius' laugh is short and bitter. “Not quite.”

He turns away from Remus, and Remus’ heart sinks. For a brief, harrowing moment, he thinks, He knows.

Sirius says to the empty night air, “Why don’t we see how we place tomorrow, and you can tell me then if I always get what I want.”

“Oh, I see.” Remus takes another drag, relieved. “So you’ve come up here to have a pity party about things that haven’t happened yet. Have I got that right?”

Sirius pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. Remus snatches it before he can react. The other boy turns around, angry now. “Piss off, Remus.”

“Wish that I could,” Remus says evenly, stowing the pack in his pocket, “but it’s my job to make sure you perform as well as you can tomorrow. That means working lungs and a clear head.”

Sirius sulks but doesn’t try to grab them back. He only looks out into the black night.

“Sirius,” says Remus, “if you’re worried about whether you’re going to medal, or what medal you’re going to get, that’s pointless. You can’t control how anyone else performs or how you measure up relative to them. All you can do is give your best to your routine.”

“Right. Is that how you thought about it as well?”

“No,” he admits. “But you guys didn’t hire a competitive teenage prick, you hired a coach.”

Sirius’ mouth kicks up at the corner. “I suppose that is better.”

“I think so,” Remus agrees. He watches the other boy for a handful of moments, sensing an opening. “You know, when it comes down to it, doing your best might involve doing an actual death spiral.”

Sirius’ expression sours again, but Remus presses on.

“I know you could do it if you wanted to. You don’t seem to want to, though. I don’t get why. At first I thought you might not trust y/n to keep herself level, but obviously you’d trust her with anything. And she trusts you to keep her there, too, so what’s the issue?”

For a while, it seems as though Sirius might not reply. The silence is thick and heavy. He continues looking out at nothing, at the stars hidden behind thick clouds, but eventually his lips part on a sigh.

“She trusts too easily. She shouldn’t be so sure of me.”

Remus’ brows furrow. Something unexpected about getting to know Sirius has been learning how quickly all his brash confidence can crumble away. It’s almost never when someone else is upset with him; rather, when he’s upset with himself. Remus used to get irritated by the other boy’s bravado, but now he’s just beginning to realize how fragile it truly is. That he never needed to bring Sirius down a peg, because Sirius was almost always already doing it himself. He’s still not quite used to it.

“Let’s get back,” Remus says gently. “It’s cold up here.”

Sirius doesn’t protest as Remus leads him downstairs, watching carefully as he climbs down the creaky ladder. On the street Sirius nearly walks into a brick wall, and Remus takes his elbow in hand to prevent it.

“You know,” he says, “y/n was actually just telling me last night that she was worried she was going to let you down.”

Sirius makes an appalled scoffing sound. “Her? What for?”

“I don’t know,” Remus half fibs. “But it would probably sound equally ridiculous to her that you’re thinking the same thing about her. And from an outside perspective, it’s always seemed to me like you’re perfectly suited to each other.”

Sirius makes a low, whiny sound. Remus startles when he pulls out of his grasp.

“Neither of you get it.” He lists sideways.

Remus grabs for him, getting an arm securely around Sirius’ waist. He can’t help but think that two weeks ago this sort of behavior from Sirius would have irked him, but now he only feels a bemused sort of tenderness. He doesn’t understand what Sirius is so upset about, but he can tell it’s not nothing. “Explain it,” he coaxes.

Sirius seems almost relieved to have been pulled back. He lets himself lean into Remus’ side. “I don’t deserve her trust,” he says in a quiet, mumbly voice. “I don’t deserve any of her. I don’t know why good people like her and James and you always find me, but I’m no good at keeping you. I’ll get mean, or selfish, and you’ll see. But I can’t—” His voice thins, and Remus’ grip on him tightens unconsciously. “I can’t risk losing her. I’m going to get her hurt, and she’ll stop trusting me, and I’ll have let her down again. I can’t do it.”

The pair walks for a while in silence. Remus can feel the shadows of deeper fears swimming underneath the ones Sirius has just divulged to him, but he’s not sure how to respond. Even during Remus’ most spectacular failures of his career, he was at least the only one who got hurt. He was never tied to anyone else, never risked anybody but himself. If he messed up, he suffered the consequences, and that was it.

Remus holds Sirius against him as he uses his card to enter the Village. The halls are quiet, most athletes and staff having turned in for the night.

“When I first started working with the two of you,” Remus says lowly, “I didn’t always see why y/n trusted you so much, either. You were a brilliant skater, of course, but you just seemed like such a tosser.”

That works as intended, getting a puff of laughter out of Sirius.

“But I knew I had to figure out a way to work with you, and she just seemed to have complete faith in you. So after a while, I just started trusting that she knew what she was doing. She knew you better than I did, of course, so I figured the two of you had an understanding I just couldn’t comprehend. And the longer I worked with you, the more I could see how she was right.

“What I’m trying to say is, it took me a while to trust you, but I came around because I trusted her. You trust her, don’t you?”

Sirius has been quiet, but at this, he looks up as though in surprise. “Of course, yeah.”

Remus suppresses a smile. They both fall silent as they pass by your room, eyes catching on the door you’re sleeping behind like there’s a siren’s call coming from within. Remus wonders if it’s for the same reasons.

After Sirius lets them into his room, Remus continues softly, “So maybe you ought to give it a try. If you can’t trust yourself, trust the faith she has in you. When is she ever wrong?”

He expects Sirius to smile at that, but he doesn’t seem to be in the mood for joking. His eyes are big and sad as he sits down on his bed, a quiet sort of asking in them.

“I think she could be wrong about this,” he says in a near whisper.

Remus’ throat aches with sympathy. He crouches by Sirius’ feet, ignoring the protests of his hip to start taking off the other boy’s shoes.

“She’s not,” he says. “She’s just smarter than the both of us. You’re loyal, and brave, and kind. She’s always known that, but it took me a while to catch on.”

“I’m not.” Sirius sounds almost desperate.

Remus doesn’t back down. “You are.” Frustration and tenderness war inside him. He sets his hands on Sirius’ knees, looking him in the eyes. “Why would I lie to you?”

A look comes over Sirius face, peculiar only in the moment before Remus recognizes it. He’s seen Sirius look that way a thousand times. At you.

Remus’ heart thumps.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Remus’ thumb strokes over his thigh, and Sirius’ heart does something abhorrent behind his ribs

“Sirius.” Amber eyes look into his, warm and earnest and unrelenting. “Why would I lie?”

Sirius began to sober up as soon as Remus called him earlier tonight. He’d started drinking to try and rid himself of that pesky, familiar feeling of derealization that had taken hold, but he’d stopped then. Paid his tab and gone up to the roof, where in the cool air Sirius had the powerful, frightening urge to wait for Remus and tell him everything about himself. Tell him every last terrible thing and see if he flinched.

Only he hadn’t flinched. He’d taken Sirius home, whatever drunkenness was left lost on the wind during the walk, and taken his shoes off for him, and told him in various words that he was worth something.

And now Remus is rubbing the sides of his knees. And his hands are gentle and so are his eyes, and his expression says that he believes it, that Sirius is worth something, and Sirus thinks, Fuck it.

If it goes poorly, he can say tomorrow that he was drunk and doesn’t remember a thing.

Sirius mashes his lips into Remus’.

A hoarse sound tears from somewhere inside Remus. He pushes against Sirius’ mouth, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and pressing him backwards onto the bed. The mattress is hard and the frame creaks under their combined weight, Remus’ hand finding Sirius’ throat and wrapping around it like an embrace.

Sirius flips them over. Remus lets him, reclining back against the pillow propped along the wall and tugging Sirius closer like someone’s going to rip him away. He tastes like chocolate and cigarettes. A low whine rises in Sirius’ throat.

Remus’ hands loosen their grip. “Wait.”

“No,” Sirius pleads.

“Aren’t you….” Remus pants. He pulls their lips apart but doesn’t go far, resting his forehead against Sirius’. “I’m confused. I thought you had feelings for y/n.”

Sirius sucks in a breath. “You know about that?”

A quiet, nervous chuckle. “Yeah, love. But you’ve just kissed me, so…I suppose I’m wondering what that means.”

Sirius’ heart trembles. “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t know.”

“It’s alright.” Remus’ voice is a balm. He kisses Sirius once, a soft peck. “What do you feel?”

Sirius opens his eyes and finds Remus watching him. The other boy’s forehead sits a bit higher than his, so Sirius has to tilt his gaze up, feeling cracked open and wretched.

“I don’t know,” he says again, softer. “Is it bad to want both?”

There’s a brief pause. Remus’ brow creases slightly. “I don’t think so,” he replies. “But I have to tell you something.”

Sirius takes his forehead away from Remus’, putting a couple of inches between them. “Go on, then.”

“Last night, I kissed y/n.”

Sirius braces himself to hide a reaction, but there’s nowhere to hide from Remus’ perceptive gaze and after a moment, Sirius finds there’s not much reaction to hide anyway. He doesn’t feel upset. The idea of Remus kissing you is…well, it’s not unlike hearing him call you pet names or watching him touch you. Sirius doesn’t wish that Remus hadn’t done it, only that he’d been there as well. He does sort of wish that he’d gotten to kiss both of you first, though.

“I stopped it as soon as my head caught up to me,” Remus goes on. He seems to be studying Sirius, though Sirius has no clue what he might find. “I felt really awful for doing it when I knew you had feelings for her, but now that you’ve said that, I think I might have feelings for both of you, too.”

“Brilliant.” Sirius’ heart is hammering, but he does his best to make his voice sound unaffected. “Then what do we do now?”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You stumble out of bed half-awake. You’re not even entirely sure if someone’s knocked on your door or if you’ve dreamed it, but your feet propel you there with urgency nonetheless. You rub your eyes as you open it, mouth stretching with a yawn.

Sirius and Remus are standing outside, both rumpled but still in their daytime clothes. Their pupils are blown and lips wet and swollen.

“We were wondering,” says Remus, slightly breathlessly, “if you might have a moment.”

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cressidagrey · 1 month ago

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Stars all aligned - Chapter 7

Summary:

If there was one thing that both Azriel and Zahra Archeron had in common, it was that they were both very good at blending into the background.

They just never thought that their family were going to be the ones who never saw them at all.

Warning:

I'll keep the warnings, even though there is no outright mention in this part: Bashing of like...every IC member? Especially the Archeron Sisters, discussion of chronic pain, discussion of Infertility, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Underage Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please, take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

(Lovely dividers thanks to @sweetmelodygraphics)

"I want you out of Velaris, when I have a talk with them," Azriel broached the topic a few days later. Zahra just stared at him.

"I have nowhere else to go," she said drily.

She had the cottage and that was it. And her tries at winnowing…let’s just say she did not trust herself to winnow anywhere she didn’t know very well.

Azriel’s face was unreadable, but there was a tension in his shoulders, a tightness in his wings.

He was clearly on edge...but then, he had been for quite a while, whenever the topic of their family came up.

Whenever she told him about her life in the cottage and later as a maid at the Archeron Estate…he had looked murderous.

"I have a small cottage by the sea you can...stay in," Azriel suggested softly.

Zahra just stared at him. "You have a cottage by the sea," she echoed, amused besides herself.

Azriel moved to stand behind her, where she was washing dishes in the sink and he pressed a kiss against her cheek.

"I am just paranoid," he promised her. "Nothing bad will happen...But I would feel better if you are out of the city, if I get into a fight with Cassian and accidentally level it."

"That's not funny," she told him drily, but bit back a smile, especially as she leaned back against his broad chest, the dishes forgotten in the soapy water in the sink.

"At the coast?" she asked him softly. The coast sounded…nice.

"Rosehall," he explained. "It's...It's where my mother lives."

"Your mother?" she echoed, surprised.

Azriel nodded, his hands resting on her hips as he leaned down and buried his face in her neck.

"I bought it for her a long time ago," he murmured as his lips brushed against her skin. "It's...right there by a little hamlet we turned into a haven for displaced Illyrians. You can stay there...just until my brothers get the stick out of their asses and come to their senses."

Zahra let out a snort of laughter. “Sure, I will just wait around until your brothers come to their senses,” she said with a little smile, turning around and reaching up to brush away the stray strands of his dark hair from his forehead. “And how long do you think that is going to take?”

"Not long," he promised her. "And then I'll get started on your sisters," he promised her, pressing a kiss against her forehead and Zahra melted.

She loved the easy attention, the sweet little forehead kisses he dished out to her so often, nearly absentmindedly. The touch of his hands on hers…

She loved the way he smiled at her...just at her.

And yet…and yet she couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt at the mention of her sisters, even if she tried her best not to let it show.

“You are so sure of yourself,” she teased him, trying to keep her voice light as she rested her hands on his chest.

Azriel just smiled down at her, the expression in his eyes gentle, his wing shifting to wrap around her body as he pulled her against the hardness of his chest.

“We’ll get things figured out,” he murmured as one large hand moved up to run through her braid, smoothing back some of the messier strands. “You don’t need to worry.”

“You sound so confident,” she said, a smile playing on her lips despite herself as she took a moment to admire his handsome face, so close to hers.

His smile was a rare sight, his features so often schooled into a careful mask of neutrality, but as she studied his face she could see the warmth in his dark eyes, and she loved the way his lips curled up in their corners so slightly.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you are arrogant.”

He chuckled at that, and the low sound of his laughter vibrated through his chest.

“Are you calling me arrogant?” he asked, his wings shifting around them again, pulling her just a little bit closer to his body, the powerful muscles of those wings pressing against her back.

“Yes, I think I am,” she said with a smile, tilting her head up to look at him, her eyes flicking between the different shadows on his face.

His gaze held hers for a long moment, the corner of his lips still curled up, a teasing expression in his dark eyes.

“Arrogant and overconfident and insufferable,” she added jokingly and she felt the rumble of a silent laugh in his chest.

"Don't worry," he repeated. "It will be fine," he promised her evenly.

Zahra wished she only had one bit of his confidence

“And if it’s not?” she asked him quietly.

The tension was back in his shoulders, in the hands that were still resting on her hips.

His whole body grew taut in that second but his voice was even as he spoke. “This isn’t the first time we are having a heated disagreement. They’ll get over it.”

“Maybe,” she agreed grudgingly.

But something inside of her didn’t feel so sure, and her stomach was tied into knots at the thought of her sisters catching wind of what was going on between her and Azriel.

Still, if it calmed him...she filled a bag with clothing and toiletries, not that she owned much, and locked the door of her cottage after herself, just as Azriel offered her his hand...and then she dragged him to one of the flower stalls in the city, because she was not going to show up to meet his mother empty-handed.

“Flowers?” Azriel asked her, a smirk on his face as he looked at her with that amused look in his eyes.

She shot him a glare. “I am not going to pay a visit to your mother without carrying anything, and I don’t own a single bottle of wine, so flowers will have to suffice.”

He just shook his head at her, a look of exasperated fondness on his face as he let her lead him towards a stall with a colorful display and an array of wildflowers.

Flowers acquired, Zahra was ready to go to Rosehall.

"It's going to feel different than winnowing," Azriel warned her. "Just hold onto me."

Zahra just squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fingers around his...and a second later, she could taste sea salt in the air and feel icy illyrian air on her skin.

Even when summer had already arrived in Velaris, the same couldn’t be said here.

The icy cold air was a shock to her system as she was suddenly assaulted by the brutal cold, the sharp wind and the thick cloud cover.

Zahra stumbled on her feet as her knees nearly buckled from under her and she found herself clinging instinctively to Azriel’s arm, trying to find her footing as she took in her surroundings, blinking as the cold air was slapping against her face.

It was icy there.

She’d known that the coast was chilly, but she was not prepared for that kind of cold.

“You didn’t mention it was this cold,” Zahra said through chattering teeth.

"Let's get you inside," Azriel said quickly, pulling her from the forest where they had appeared, towards a grey stone cottage, nestled in the harsh terrain. If she stood on her tiptoes, she could just see the sea down over the cliffs...a couple more houses dotted around, as Azriel pulled her towards the one with smoke happily puffing out of the chimney.

Zahra had no chance to truly study it, before Azriel was pushing the door open wide and ushered her into the house.

The air inside was warm, a heavy sort of warmth that made it clear a fire had been lighting for a while in the stone fireplace that stood in one of the corners of the room.

Zahra was so relieved to get out of the biting chill of the air and she was about to take a look around, when a voice startled her.

"Azriel?" A female’s voice called, and just a moment later she appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.

For one moment Zahra was struck by how young she looked. If Zahra hadn't known better, she would have thought this was Azriel's sister and not his mother.

The dark hair, braided and pinned to her head, the same hazel brown eyes... the planes of her face were different though. Azriel must resemble his father more than her. But she was beautiful...even with a vicious, gnarly scar that destroyed the left side of her face.

“Hello, Ma,” Azriel said warmly.

"And you brought a guest," she said with a smile as her eyes settled on Zahra, studying her.

Zahra shifted, feeling suddenly very self-conscious and nervous, especially as the woman's eyes, so much like Azriel's, slowly appraised her from head to toe.

Azriel just stepped closer to her and placed his hand on the small of her back.

"Ma, I'd like you to meet Zahra Archeron, my Mate. Zahra, my mother Esmeray," he introduced them and a smile stretched over Esmeray's face, so bright and beautiful that her scar was forgotten. Surprised but…pleased.

Esmeray's eyes filled up with tears and she made a quick move forward, that nearly made Zahra flinch, but then she had already wrapped her arms around Zahra's shoulders, pulling her into a tight bear hug that nearly had Zahra stumbling from her feet again.

She got a whiff of a scent that had the same fresh and clean scent of Mist that Azriel must have inherited from her.

"Your Mate!" Esmeray exclaimed, as she pulled back and beamed at Zahra. "I'd given up hope of him ever finding his Mate,” she told Zahra conspiratorially. “But here you are!”

Azriel rubbed the back of his neck in that familiar nervous gesture, a slight flush in his face and a small smile on his lips.

Zahra, meanwhile, was still struck dumbfounded and all she could do was to give Esmeray a weak smile, when the female suddenly let go of her and turned to her son.

"I cannot believe it!" Esmeray said, her voice nearly a whisper, as she threw her arms around Azriel's neck.

He looked stiff for a moment, like he wasn’t quite used to being hugged, but then a smile appeared on his face and he relaxed in her embrace as he hugged her back.

She pulled back a few seconds later, still smiling up at him, her eyes wide, before she turned back to Zahra.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Zahra said quickly, as the woman's attention turned back to her.

Esmeray's smile only grew bright. "The pleasure is all mine. But look at me, I am being a terrible host," she said, before she took a step back and gestured towards the chairs around the fireplace. "Come, please sit down."

"I brought flowers," Zahra said hesitantly.

Esmeray's attention fell on the flowers and another smile appeared on her face. "How thoughtful," she said, a soft edge in her voice. "Such a sweet girl. But you didn't need to do that."

"She insisted," Azriel said drily.

That just made Esmeray chuckle, a sound that filled the room, warm and low.

“She has very good manners,” Esmeray told her son drily as she stepped to the small table to search for a vase.

Azriel just shot Zahra a little smile as he guided her to one of the chairs around the fire, and pulled out one of the chairs for her to sit down.

Zahra shot him a thankful look, even as her mind was still processing the fact that she had just met his mother. His lovely, kindhearted mother.

Zahra couldn't remember her own mother. At least not really. And Mrs. Archeron…she had hated the very air Zahra breathed. But Esmeray...

Azriel must have caught the look in her eyes, because he gave her an encouraging smile as he sat down beside her and took her hand in his.

His mother soon turned from the kitchen, the vase of wildflowers clutched in her hands as she set in on the table.

“They’ll look lovely on the windowsill,” she said as she took a seat at the table, that smile still on her face as she regarded them.

Zahra bit her lower lip. She had no idea how to handle this kind of situation. So much warmth inside this little house, so much love...she could feel the energy rolling off of Esmeray in waves.

Azriel squeezed her hand, his expression soft, as his mother observed them intently.

"So," Esmeray said a few seconds later, her eyebrows raising slightly. "You found your Mate."

Azriel inclined his head.

Zahra shifted uncomfortably in her chair, her stomach tying into all kinds of knots, as his mother's eyes moved between her and her son.

"You want to tell me the rest of what is going on?" Esmeray asked, her voice softer now. "I can see it on your face."

"I need to get back," Azriel said quietly. "Can Zahra stay with you for the night?"

"What happened?" Esmeray asked. "And of course, she can stay with me. What kind of question is that?" She said with a snort. “She’s your mate, she’s always welcome here.”

"We have a few...family problems," Azriel said drily. "I imagine that Rhysand will be ill-pleased with the mating bond snapping and her sisters are...being...difficult."

That was the understatement of the century.

Zahra sat there, shifting awkwardly in her seat as he spoke, but his mother’s attention remained on Azriel.

“Rhysand will get over himself, you know that,” Esmeray said with a shrug, as though waving away a minor inconvenience. "He always does, and he’s smart in many ways."

Azriel smiled at that, but the shadows in his eyes told a different story.

“And the sisters?” Esmeray asked.

There was a pause, then Azriel shifted uncomfortably. "They’re...adjusting," he said, his voice carefully level, his fingers tightening around Zahra’s.

"I am only their half sister," Zahra said carefully. "I am their father's bastard daughter."

Esmeray mustered her with dark eyes. "You do not need to say more," she said drily. “I can imagine the rest.”

It was strange how a feeling of acceptance washed over her at Esmeray’s words and Zahra stared at the female, speechless for a second before she got her bearings.

“You are not bothered by that?” she asked, the words slipping out before she could think about them, her voice shaking.

Esmeray let out a little scoff. “Of course not. Why would I be?”

The female picked up a cup of the table and took a sip of from it, those dark eyes studying Zahra with a sort of intensity to them. "I gave birth to a bastard myself," Esmeray said, her voice even. "I can probably imagine better than most what exactly your mother went through...what you went through. I would hope that you were treated better than my son, but if your sisters are being difficult about a mating bond for you...I imagine that hope is without reason."

Zahra swallowed, hard. Her throat felt dry all of a sudden, as an aching sort of feeling settled over her at Esmeray's words. The same sort of aching that appeared whenever she thought of her own mother.

She didn't want to think about the past, about any of that, especially not here, in this house filled with warmth and welcome and an overwhelming sense of acceptance.

Esmeray must have sensed her turmoil, because a soft smile appeared on her face. “You are safe here, Zahra,” she said quietly. “I would never judge you for the failings of your parents. Or for what you yourself may have done in a bid to simply survive.”

Zahra just swallowed. There was a lump in her throat and all she could do was to nod, not trusting her voice. Somehow she felt...strangely stripped down. Like Esmeray could see straight through every mask she put up. She wondered how much she had simple picked up on by meeting her for a few minutes.

It was too much, and she had to look away, because she didn't feel like she could handle the kindness in Esmeray's words.

"But enough of that," Esmeray said after a moment's pause. "Do you like cooking? I was going to make some beef jerky."

"I do like cooking," Zahra agreed with a smile.

“Then come into the kitchen when you have seen Azriel off,” Esmeray said simply.

She got up gracefully and made her way to the kitchen and Zahra was left staring at her in awe for a few seconds before she felt Azriel's hand squeeze hers again.

He met her gaze and her heart gave a lurch at the shadows in those eyes and the look on his face. "Are you going to be okay here?" he asked softly.

"Please be careful," she blurted out.

Azriel just smiled at her, the look in his eyes turning soft at her words as he pulled her a little closer. "I will be," he said softly. "And I will be back as soon as I can. I promise."

He leaned towards her and pressed his lips against her forehead, lingering for a few seconds, his hand curling over the side of her face. He inhaled, taking in the scent of her hair, and Zahra leaned into the touch.

She wanted...no...she...she needed...she caught his face in her hand, gently stroking his cheek, and then tipped up her chin.

If...If gods forbid...if...She wanted to feel this. At least once. She wanted....

Azriel froze underneath her touch for half a second, then he seemed to realize what she was going to do and a smile appeared on his face.

He chuckled, the sound a soft thing that made her heart flutter, before he leaned down and captured her lips with his.

Zahra let her eyes flutter shut at the feel of his lips against hers, the kiss gentle and soft as he ran his thumb along the curve of her jaw, still holding her steady. For just a moment, all that existed was Azriel.

He gently cupped her face in his hands like she was something fragile and breakable, and then he pulled back, gently pressing his forehead against hers and taking a deep breath.

Gods, Zahra wanted nothing more than just...stay. Right there at his side.

"Nothing will happen," he promised her. "I swear."

"I know," she breathed, opening her eyes to look at him.

He swallowed at the look in her eyes, then he smiled softly. "I will see you soon," Azriel said, the words a promise and a vow all at once.

***

Feyre couldn’t get her mind of it.

She couldn’t.

The idea was running through her head on constant repeat.

Over and over, the thoughts just kept circling her mind.

As she lay in bed with Rhys, as she went about her day, as the sun rose and then set, over and over, she just couldn’t seem to get her mind off…off one simple question.

Had Zarah actually had an affair with a married man…or had it been something far worse than that?

She couldn’t get that question out of her head. And so she twisted and turned that night as well, until she finally turned to face Rhys.

He still slept, blissfully unaware of her tossing and turning, of the heavy feeling in her chest. Slowly, she ran her fingers over his features, watching the way he slept. Peaceful and relaxed, a sight that usually made something clench in her chest.

He was everything she had ever wanted. She wished Zahra would have the same one day.

But right now….the sight only made the thoughts in her head whirl faster.

This was her mate, the male she was completely and utterly in love with. And she knew, without a doubt, that he would never…he would never force himself on a female. Would never touch a female for any other reason than mutual consent and desire.

But there were other males out there…males who…who didn’t share the same feelings as Rhys. Males who would see a female trapped in a situation th ast had been…dire like Zahra’s, and see it as nothing more than….than an opportunity.

She thought back to these years trapped in the cottage. Thought back to Zahra cooking and cleaning…

Thought about the long hours spent in the kitchen, mending and cooking…

Thought about the bony and skinny girl with the messy dark braid…these green eyes, the way she stayed quiet and in the corner, never raising her voice, never drawing attention to herself.

Feyre had never seen her disappear but then Feyre had often been off in the forest.

She wouldn’t have really noticed the times Zahra snuck off. She’d been so tired after her hunts, too focused on staying alive and keeping her family alive to pay attention to the things going on around her. Had her sister…had she…had she been meeting someone?

Had she snuck out to meet with…with a male?

Had her sister…had Zahra had an affair with that apothecary?

She tired to remember him…tried to remember the long suffering wife of his…her ash blond hair pulled back from her face, their gaggle of three kids…all of them wide eyed and quiet.

He was one of the richer man in the village…with beady eyes and hair struck through with grey…

She remembered the way he’d leer at females who came into his shop for supplies, the way he would look at them as if they were a piece of meat to be bought.

She could remember the way he'd sneer at poor female who'd come in, bartering and scrounging for every copper coin they had, and the way he'd look so smug when he charged them for every little thing…

Zahra had had an affair with him?

There was nothing attractive about him.

Feyre had always hated the way he’d leered at her. The way he'd looked at her as if she was a piece of meat.

There was nothing about him that was appealing in any way.

He was old, cold, calculating and cruel. And to think that a young, pretty female like Zahra…who, despite the way she tried to dress to blend in, was still gorgeous, would have anything to do with him…

Rhys stirred, his face scrunching up in a frown and his eyes slowly blinked open.

Violet eyes met hers, and Feyre forced herself to push her worries aside.

“What’s wrong?” Rhys’s voice was heavy with sleep, his words slow and mumbled.

Feyre let out a shaky breath, running her fingers through his black hair, trying to calm her thoughts.

“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head. “Go back to sleep.”

Rhys grumbled, shifting his head to bury his face into her neck, making a sound of disagreement from deep in his throat.

His arms wrapped around her middle, pulling her tightly against his side.

“Something’s on your mind, Feyre Darling,” he mumbled against her neck, planting a kiss on the skin there. “I can tell.”

“Did you ever…did you ever get anything from Zahra’s mind about…” Feyre trailed off.

A beat of silence fell, and Rhys’s breath against her neck paused, his body stilling against hers.

A long moment passed, before Rhys inhaled, pulling his head back to look at her. “No,” he finally said. “But then…I never even tried to get into her head. She’s as bad as Nesta. Even trying to look at her shields is like staring at a brick wall.”

“But you’ve never looked?” Feyre pushed on, looking into his eyes. Searching for something, anything, any hint of deception.

Rhys’s face softened, a small smile on his face. “The only thing I ever got from Zahra, as a human, was protectiveness about you, Darling,” he said drily.

A small exhale left Feyre at his words, and she fell back against the pillows.

Rhys shifted, rolling over to lie half on top of her, propping his head on his folded arms that he rested on her stomach. A soft smile on his face. “Is that what’s keeping you up?” he wondered aloud. “Worries about Zahra?”

“I…I need to know if…why she did it,” Feyre said weakly. “I can’t…Zahra would have never taken the risk of having a bastard born child herself, Rhys. Not when she knew exactly how…how that life was. Living in two worlds and belonging to neither,” Feyre said with a grimace.

Rhys’s eyes softened at that, and his fingers ghosted over her stomach, tracing small, gentle patterns. “You’re worried that it wasn’t a choice,” he filled in.

“I don’t know,” Feyre whispered. “I can’t see her…I can’t see her do it willingly but I am wrecking my head and I can’t…if he hurt her…she hid it so well.”

Rhys’s face darkened at her words. It wasn’t hard to see the same thoughts circling in his mind, the same anger and disgust.

“You think the apothecary might have forced himself on her?” he asked quietly, a hard look on his face.

Feyre felt a pit in her stomach at the question. Felt nausea creeping up, bile rising in the back of her throat. The idea of something so…so vile happening to a young, innocent girl…it filled her with horror and sickened her.

“I…I don’t know,” she whispered. “But I can’t… I just can’t see her… taking that risk willingly. She’s too smart for that.”

"Maybe you should try to talk to her," Rhys said carefully. "But Feyre...if she...if she didn't do it willingly...if she had a reason for it, be it she was forced or she did it in exchange for something...she may not want to talk about it," he warned her.

She could see it on his face...could see the memories that she had…

“I…I know,” Feyre said softly. “If…if it’s true, she might not want to talk about it. But…I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about it. I need to know. And if it’s true...I can’t just sit back and do nothing."

Rhys was quiet for a moment, his fingers still tracing small patterns on her stomach.

His face was taut, “And if she truly has had an affair with him…willingly?” he asked quietly.

Feyre let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes. The thought of that being true…it just didn’t seem possible.

She just couldn’t see Zahra doing something like that. Not when she was so well aware of what would happen if she made such a mistake.

It just didn’t seem right.

Could she have really seen something in the apothecary, enough to want an affair with him, at the risk of being saddled with a bastard child?

"She must have had some reason," Feyre said quietly. "Even when it was just...wanting comfort of some kind."

Rhys was quiet, his dark eyes searching her face.

Slowly, a soft sigh escaped him, and he pulled himself up, pulling Feyre into his arms as he sat back against the headboard of the bed.

Feyre buried her face in his neck, inhaling the scent of his familiar, comforting scent.

His fingers combed through her hair, the touch soothing her frazzled nerves.

"I just want you to think about...if you do pull on that thread, you don't know what you are going to unravel," Rhys said carefully. "You need to be prepared that you maybe won't get the answer you think you will."

A shuddery breath left Feyre, and she closed her eyes.

She didn’t even know what she wanted to hear. Both options were horrible in their own way.

"I know," she said softly. "But I...but I have to try."

And so the next morning...she sat out to find her sister's apartment. She had never gone there before. There had been no reason for it. Even when Zahra had moved out of the townhouse and into her apartment, she had still showed up for Solstice and for Starfall, had still come to dinner. Zahra seemed to have made the best out of her life in Velaris. Had found herself a job and an apartment...just as Feyre walked the streets she realised that...she knew nothing about her sister's life but these two facts.

The realisation hit her hard, and a wave of guilt crashed over her, making her nauseous as she walked down the street.

It had never occurred to her before...but now she realised that she knew almost nothing about her sister’s life now. Nothing about the people in her life, or her dreams, or any hobbies...nothing except the fact that she had an apartment and a job, and that she still came to dinners.

Feyre didn't know about her sister's friends, didn't know about any hobbies she may had taken up...because whenever Zahra had come over, seemingly all they had talked about was whatever went on in Feyre's life. Feyre's worries, Feyre's problems. Zahra's problems hadn't ever been a topic of conversation. And Feyre also weakly admitted herself that the fact that Nesta and Elain wanted to spent time with her now...it was such a rare treat that...that maybe she had forgotten the older sister that had always been there for her for that.

She had been so elated that her sisters were spending time with her, and she had soaked up the attention like a dry sponge.

But now, with the sickening realisation that she hadn’t asked about Zahra’s life hit, a wave of guilt hit her.

Had her sister felt neglected by her? Had Zahra ever felt like a forgotten afterthought?

Feyre felt nauseous, and her steps slowed as she approached the building where Zahra lived.

The realisation that...that while she had been so happy to hang out with her elder sisters, she hadn’t even asked Zahra about her life...she didn’t even know what kind of apartment she lived in, what her home was like…

And apparently it wasn't an apartment at all.

Feyre blinked twice at the cottage in front of her.

A cottage?

The word echoed in her head, over and over, while she stared at the small building before her.

Zahra lived in a cottage.

A cottage that had clearly seen better days.

The exterior of the house was badly in need of a new coat of paint.

A pang of worry hit Feyre as she looked at the home, an anxiety filling her stomach.

How could Zahra possibly be living in such a place…?!

Though it was obvious that Zahra had put time and money into making it her home. It was clean, the windows were sparkling...the door had been painted bright blue.

She had done some work.

And the small garden in the front had clearly been tended and cared for meticulously.

But it was clear that her sister had a limited budget.

The paint job only really covered the worst of the blemishes rather than giving the home an actual makeover, and the windows sparkled, but they still looked old and worn.

It was a tiny cottage, barely more than a two-room house, but it was in the outskirts of Velaris and the next neighbours clearly were far away.

"Seems like I wasn't the only one who had this idea," drawled a voice behind her.

Feyre almost jumped, nearly letting out a shriek as a voice suddenly spoke up from behind her. A voice that she recognized far too well.

She didn't even need to turn around to know who had spoken.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, turning around to face Cassian.

Cassian didn't look the slightest bit guilty.

Instead, a broad smirk was on his face, his wings folded neatly behind him and his arms crossed in front of his armoured chest.

"The same thing you are, clearly," he drawled as he looked at the cottage in front of them.

"You want to speak to Zahra as well," Feyre said more as a statement rather than a question.

Cassian didn't deny it, simply shrugged.

"Why?" she demanded.

Cassian sighed, unfolding his arms and letting his hands fall loosely to his sides. "I need some answers," he said shortly. "Answers, because I am pretty sure that Nesta is wrong about her having just an affair. And if she is wrong..." Cassian grimaced. "The fallout is not going to be pretty."

"And if she’s right? If Zahra did a stupid, young mistake? Then what?" Feyre asked.

Cassian shrugged, a nonchalant look on his face.

"It's not like I haven't done the same," he said drily. "Or worse at that matter. She'll not get judgment from me."

Feyre felt a flicker of surprise at his words.

Cassian was…far more blunt and straightforward than Rhys…but, she thought as she studied his face, he actually didn’t look entirely comfortable.

His features were schooled into a look of nonchalance, but there was a tension in his face and body that hinted that the situation had him on edge, as well.

Still, Feyre walked up the step of the porch that had seen better days and knocked at the door. "Zahra?" she called loudly.

"She isn't here," Cassian said helpfully. "I can't hear a heartbeat. It's empty.”

Feyre’s heart sank at the words, and a curse fell from her lips.

She’d come all the way here…and Zahra wasn’t even home.

“Then where is she?” Feyre bit out.

"Probably at work, I'd guess," Cassian said, a small shrug on his shoulders.

He eyed the house, his lips pressed together in a thin line.

"I’m going to look inside," he said then, making a step towards the door.

"You can’t-" Feyre hissed at him, but Cassian cut her off.

"If you have a better idea, I’m open to suggestions," he said, looking back at her. "But if we’re here already, I want to see if there is anything inside that will give us a clue. Something, anything."

Feyre held his gaze for a long moment.

She knew he had a point, and she knew she wouldn’t win this argument.

"Fine," she gritted out. "But you leave everything as it is. No messing with anything."

Cassian shot her a smirk, before he grabbed the door handle and with a sharp twist, he had opened the door.

Without pause, he stalked into the house, leaving Feyre to follow him.

"You'll better fix this before we leave," Feyre snapped at him, following behind, into her sister's living room.

It was clean...tidy. A couch that had seen better days...and an absolute monstrous plaid chair that looked like it was made for wings. Feyre wasn't the only one who stared at that.

Cassian did too.

A long moment passed.

Cassian, the Lord of Bloodshed, a hulking, tall, intimidating figure, stood in the small living room and stared at the chair as if he was struck mute.

Just staring.

A long moment passed, before he let a shudder run down his spine. "That thing is an abomination," he said gruffly.

Feyre watched as Cassian’s nostrils flared, and his eyes widened, like a cat scenting something in the air.

A frown appeared on his face, and he took a quick, short sniff again.

"What is it?" Feyre demanded.

"Az was here," Cassian said, surprise colouring his voice. "More than once."

Feyre’s eyes widened at that, and she sniffed the air.

Cassian was right.

A familiar scent was lingering in the air. So subtle that she wouldn’t have sensed it if it wasn’t pointed out to her, but it was there.

Azriel’s mist and cedar scent, lingering in the room.

"Why was Az here?" Feyre wondered.

Cassian just shook his head as he continued to sniff.

"Not just here," he said, making a step into the kitchen. "In there, as well. And in the bedroom. "

Feyre wasn’t even surprised to find that he was right.

Azriel’s scent was all over the small house, lingering in the air in every single room.

Even in the bathroom.

"What in the Cauldron...?" Feyre breathed as she followed Cassian into the bedroom.

The scent was even stronger in the small room, clearly having clung to the bedding and lingered on the furniture.

"Azriel has clearly been frequenting this place," Cassian said slowly, an intense look on his face as he glanced around the bedroom. "And more than once. It's all over the house."

"He wouldn't...right?" Feyre asked. Had her sister and Azriel been...together?

"I...I don't know," Cassian said slowly.

A pensive look was on his face, his gaze sharp as he looked at the matress.

"We all know how...discreet Azriel is about these things," he said, a grimace on his face. "But Azriel...and Zahra...?"

Cassian shook his head, his nostrils flaring again, clearly trying to scent the room.

"They...I mean, it doesn't smell like sex. But that doesn't mean anything," he said with a shrug. "Maybe they haven't had sex in a few days. Maybe they just have friendly sleep overs and nothing else," he suggested and Feyre snorted.

"Sure, Azriel just uses my sister as his own personal teddy bear and nothing else," she said darkly. "I am going to have words with both of them when they come over for dinner. What in the cauldron is going on?!"

#acotar fanfiction #azriel x oc #azriel x reader #azriel fanfiction #azriel fanfic #Azriel x Archeron!Reader #Stars all aligned

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theelvishfiddler · 4 months ago

Text

AN ARTIST'S GUIDE TO HANDS

No, sorry it's actually not an artist's guide to drawing hands. Those are just warmup studies (which I'll talk about in this post.)

This is a guide to Your Hands and how to take care of them when making art.

No one ever sits down and teaches artists how to take care of their hands. They didn’t even teach me this while I was in art college. This is just what I've learned myself through years of pain and scouring the internet for advice.

This is going to be a long one and geared towards illustrative traditional/digital/pen/pencil artists specifically, but artists of other mediums and crafts should take care of their hands too! Well, we all should take care of our bodies in general, but this is about hands.

(advice is below the read more)

First off I'm not a professional or anyone with actual medical advice. I'm just some guy with chronic hand pain who makes art. This advice is free for you to use or discard.

WARMUPS!

Ever sit down in the morning to draw and wonder why your art is so stiff and looks so much worse than what you were drawing last night? It's because you didn't warm up!

You know how for physical sports they all warmup and do stretches before getting into the actual sport. To prevent injuries and all that? Yeah, it's good to do that for art too.

One way to warmup is to just draw lines. Try to keep them as straight as you can. Going up and down and diagonal. Draw squares. Big squares. Small squares. Circles! You are warming up, keep it loose and relaxed! Basically just scribble away.

(examples. I usually keep going until there is no paper white left. This can double as practice for drawing straight lines without a ruler, which is a great skill to have when freehand city drawing.)

Before hopping right into drawing people you can try doing some quick gesture drawings. Line of Action has timed sessions with a large variety of clothed or nude models. I usually do the 30 min class as it has a nice balance of short and long timed poses. The point isn't to draw nice art, but to warm up. Try to get the basic form down, not the details. I find that doing a full class session can really help my drawings feel more loose and grounded in reality for the rest of the day.

Some examples I found in my folders. I suggest looking into what a line of action (not the site) is and giving it a try with some of the studies!

COOLDOWNS!

For sports it's to return your body back to your everyday baseline after a workout.

Example; you are working on a big project! A masterpiece! It's detailed and cool! You have been focusing on this for hours and drawing so intensely. But you need to stop working for the day.

A cooldown is for winding down out of the go go go mindset. Put away the big project and do a couple small doodles and sketches. You are relaxing your hand and letting it stretch out. Keep the sketches loose. Let the art happen slowly. Don't polish anything, that can happen another day. Just ease yourself out of drawing.

...

Cool! Now we get into the meat of this thing.

HAND PAIN

How to avoid it and how to manage it if you already have it.

I love you artists and creatives, I am begging you to please take care of your most important creative tools. I really don't want this to sound like scare tactics like "oooh you better do this or blah blah!" Nope. I just had to learn all this the hard way and I'm extremely passionate about it.

Take this advice or don’t ╮(ﾟ～ﾟ;)╭ I can't tell you what to do, I'm not your dad

Adjustments and Small Solutions

If you are feeling physical discomfort while drawing there are many different solutions to try! Here are some suggestions that may or may not work for you.

Hold your pencil more loosely. Stop gripping that thang so tightly!!! Relax that hand! They make these… squishy pen grip things... I think they are called Adaptive Pencil Grips or Adaptive Writing/Drawing Aids? They stop your hand from being all cramped up by making your drawing tool wider. It's going to take a bit of time to adjust to drawing with it, but it's worth it for those who hold pencils too tightly.

Don't press as heavily. For traditional art, if you find yourself pressing really hard to get darker lines try moving to a softer pencil. Most standard pencils are HB, the B pencils have softer graphite. Experiment until you find the right one for you. For Digital, adjust your pressure settings so you don't have to press as hard to get thicker lines. You should not be pressing so hard all the time, it wears out both your hand and your tablet! It takes a bit of time to adapt to pencil or pressure changes. Try doing some unimportant sketches, they don't have to be good. You are just training your hand and mind to adjust using less pressure.

Draw with your arm and not your wrist! It's small repetitive motions that cause the most strain. You probably hear this one a lot, what does it even mean? It means moving your arm with the motions of your line, and trying not to make too many tiny movements with your just your fingers or wrist. This one is hard! It takes time and conscious thought to change the habit. Tips? Work bigger. Zoom in more. Use bigger sheets of paper.

(Motions exaggerated for a clearer example)

Change the angle of your drawing surface. They make angled tablet holders, angled desks, angled desktop raisers. Experiment, find and angle that is comfortable and the one that causes the least pain. (It's also good to make sure you don't have to hold your head at an uncomfortable angle when drawing. Staring straight down or hunching over a paper flat on the table can cause pain!)

Compression Glove? Wrist brace/tensioners? Some folks use them and I've been thinking of getting one for years now. I can't give advice on this one, because I don't have experience with it. Look into it if you want!

Managing Pain

First things first.

IF YOUR HANDS START TO HURT WHILE YOU ARE DRAWING. STOP! Put the pencil/pen/paintbrush/whatever down. The art will still be there for you to continue tomorrow.

I know from experience that it's extremely hard to pull away when you are hyper focused on an art piece. It's hard to remember all sorts of basic needs like food or bathroom when hyper focused. But you Need to stop when you feel that pain. (Preferably even before the pain…)

Take Breaks! Let your hands rest when you can. Just like a machine, if you don't schedule maintenance, the machine will schedule maintenance for you. Often that means having to wait a few days for it to return to functional. Best to take a day off from heavy usage or take an occasional 30 min break throughout the day to let your hands rest.

Stretching is important! Full body stretches are good; your arms, shoulders, neck, and spine are all connected, but I'm specifically talking about HAND and wrist stretching. There are a lot of stretches and massages for carpal tunnel and arthritis out there. I find they work for hand pain in general. Move into and out of each stretch slowly. Do not push a stretch if it hurts!! Be gentle!!

I am not a qualified professional and I will not be giving out specific stretches (that is beyond my personal comfort level). There are other artists out there who have made helpful stretching info-graphics which are cool, but I will not be because i don't want to be responsible for someone accidentally hurting themself. Ask your doctor for stretches & advice or look some up on your own.

Don't feel bad about forgetting to stretch frequently! Of course it is good to do it regularly and frequently, but I would be a hypocrite if I said that I remember to stretch daily. Setting timers for stop and stretch sessions can work for some people, but also doing stretches whenever you remember is fine! If you are sitting on the toilet you can idly do some hand stretches. On the bus? Laying in bed? At the beach? Do a couple stretches! Even just once a week is better than… nonce a week.

Using Cold or Heat to treat pain. If you really overdid it, put your hands in some cold water or wrap a cloth around an ice pack and apply it to your hand. Cold works best for me, but warmth works for others. This is just pain reduction and reducing inflammation from overuse! This is not a permanent solution.

If your hand hurts a lot! Frequently! Talk to your doctor? Idk mine has never given real advice. Just gently poked my hand and told me there isn't much to be done about it :/ but there are really good doctors out there who will care and give helpful advice!

Again. IF IT HURTS TO CONTINUE DRAWING. STOP DRAWING! This is not a "no pain no gain" type situation. Drawing so much that you hurt yourself isn't noble, it's just… limiting yourself. You only get one set of hands. These things are very handy to have.

Other Advice

Things I couldn't figure out how to fit into the earlier sections.

Your other hand can't handle the strain! Lets say you hurt your drawing hand... the other hand is right there free to use for art. Right? Wrong. Your other hand can't keep up with the demand, it hasn't been trained to the same extent as your dominant hand, it does not have the built up muscle. If you want to use that hand for drawing you are going to have to use it s l o w l y and train it bit by bit over a long period of time. When I tore a tendon in my right hand I decided to just keep drawing with my left and I got Really Good at it. It only took like two months before my left hand hurt too much to move. Then I had 0 functioning hands to pull up my pants. Not fun!!

People who draw on phones. That is extremely impressive! I'm amazed by the things people can create on such a small space. But phone artists are the ones I see most frequently mentioning hand pain. please please please make sure you are taking breaks. Would a stylus work instead of using a finger?

Outside of Drawing. Sometimes it's things outside of drawing that are causing the pain. For me there are multiple sources, but I also have tiny baby hands. Holding a phone too long causes pain. The handheld mode for my Switch causes A Lot of pain. The way my hand rests while typing on my laptop hurts! Playing tense videogames for too long hurts! Find the source of your pain and make some changes. The same things will apply to most; take regular breaks, do some stretches, and find soft things to prop up or rest your arms on.

Change your Artstyle. This one is more of a last resort. You might have to change your art style if you are getting sharp pains every time you draw. I loved drawing tight clean lines and many small fancy details, but drawing like that left me in so much pain at the end of the day. In 2023 I had to take the better part of year off from illustrations just to learn how to sketch and draw more loosely. I had to learn how to be gentle. To stop gripping my pencil so tightly. Learn! Adapt! You might discover a new style that you love even more!

A lot of this stuff gets more complicated in a work setting where you have to draw fast and long in order to get paid. Things like reducing your workload can help, but that can be... financially rough. But outside of that, it’s ok to be a slow artist. Going full steam and hurting yourself is not worth it.

Aaaaaanyway, thats all folks. Today's rant brought to you by me! The guy with chronic hand pain who always forgets to stretch! The guy who got frustrated with a sketch yesterday and decided to push to keep drawing for just one more hour! The guy who woke up this morning and had to spend 2 hours massaging and stretching their hands. The guy who probably shouldn't have typed all of this out because ooww ow ouch

If your hands do hurt, it's going to be ok! You don't need to be a speed demon who draws all the time. It's ok to take your time and take frequent breaks. You are going to do great things! Just be gentle with yourself...

#art advice #carpal tunnel #hand pain #last tips!#don't punch people... use your elbows or smthn. your hands are too precious to wreck punching a jerk #if you are an artist and enjoy longboarding wear wrist guards. lifesaver fr #i hope this thing is readable. it's long and my eyes are tired #also i am an artist not a writer... forgive my grammar

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bad268 · 2 months ago

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Love your writingg!!

Could you write a oneshot with ollie when reader couldn't make it to a race and she got sick while at home but didnt tell ollie cuz it couldve made him shit the race and he comes back home at takes care of herr??

+hiii!! idk if ure still taking request, but maybe an ollie x reader where she gets her wisdom tooth out and the aftermath is just her being chaotic and funny while ollie just goes with everything.

but yeah, i think it’s pretty cute. thank you!

Boyfriend Of The Year (Ollie Bearman X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/F2/F3

Requested: Clearly (I just did a sick fic, so i decided to incorporate these. Hope yall don't mind <3)

Warnings: Wisdom teeth surgery and recovery

POV: Majority Second Person (You/your), some Third Person (They/them)

W.C. 2301

Summary: A routine dentist appointment turns into a secret to keep Ollie sane.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

Your phone was blowing up with texts from Ollie. He was probably wondering where you were at this point since you promised to be at the qualifying session, but due to a dentist appointment scheduled between the sessions, you had to split up. Ollie and his dad drove together, and you took an uber to your appointment. Well, at that dentist appointment, you found out that your chronic jaw pain was actually your wisdom teeth getting dangerous. They were growing inwards and pressing your teeth, so your dentist strongly encouraged an emergency wisdom teeth removal for the same day. Ollie was going to be pissed and you knew it.

“Hey, CareBear,” You greeted in a fake tone. You were still at the dentist, but you stepped outside to get a little bit of privacy. “What’s up?”

“Don’t ‘Hey CareBear’ me! Where are you? You said you were gonna be here,” Ollie asked. He was finally able to let out a breath after running around the paddock trying to find where you were. When he couldn’t find you, he started asking around, but no one had seen you. Then, he started calling you, and coincidentally, the calls were during your x-rays or consultation, so you were not answering. It was driving him insane. “Are you almost here?”

“The dentist was short-staffed, so they haven't gotten me in yet,” You came up with on the fly. You knew he would hate that you lied to him, but he would also throw his entire race weekend away for you. Yes, it was adorable and it’s part of what made you love him, but this was not the time to be a loving boyfriend. This was the time to show everyone why he deserved the Haas seat. He could be boyfriend of the year afterward. “I can text you when I’m done, but I need to see them today. You know how bad my jaw has been hurting lately.”

“Oh?” Ollie smirked as he lowered his voice, about to make a joke but his dad walked right past him.

“Don’t even start, Oliver,” You pressed as you saw your dentist gesturing for you to come back in, so they could prepare you for the surgery. “Listen, CareBear, I gotta go. I think they’re ready to take me back. I’ll text your dad to pick me up when we start wrapping up. You need to get back for debrief or start preparing for quali.”

“Yeah, I should probably eat something,” Ollie said to himself as he scratched the back of his neck. He had never had to go into qualifying without you, so he was a bit nervous. However, he totally understood that this was something you needed to do. “I’ll get on pole for you.”

“I expect you in the top 22, nothing less,” You joked as you both said goodbye and hung up the call. You headed back inside as they started giving you the rundown on how the surgery would occur. For once, you were thankful for scheduling your appointment in the morning and not eating beforehand. Just before they would put you under, you decided to call Ollie’s dad. It didn’t take long for him to answer.

“Hey, Y/n,” David greeted immediately as he walked toward the back of the garage, “Need me to pick you up? That was awfully quick.”

“Actually no,” You chuckled nervously. “Don’t tell Ollie until after quali, but I’m getting my wisdom teeth out right now. If we tell him, he’s going to freak out.”

“Was this the plan the whole time?” He asked, quieting down as Ollie walked by nonethewiser. He was finishing up before he would be getting in the car, so he had enough on his plate, in your opinion.

“No, I just found out that the jaw pain I thought was the start of TMJ was actually my wisdom teeth growing inwards,” You explained with a smile as you watched your dentist finish setting everything out. “Listen, David, I’ll need you to pick me up in like an hour. Maybe after qualifying break it to him? Or just let him figure it out when I’m loopy. I really don’t care.”

“I’ll take care of him, don’t worry,” David reassured as he saw Ollie gesturing for him to come over before he would get in the car. “Have them call me when you’re done, and we’ll pick you up.”

You thanked him before ending the call and heading into the back where the operation would take place.

The qualifying session went by quickly for Ollie because it was basically a one-lap shot. Right after the first laps, it started pouring rain, so when Ollie was at the top of the timing page, no one was able to beat him. He tried to call you as soon as he got out of the car, but every call went straight to voicemail. It freaked him out a little, but he brushed it off, thinking you were still getting your cleaning. It wasn’t until his dad was ushering him to change and get to the car park almost as soon as he wrapped up media that he started thinking something was wrong. Ollie sat nervously in the passenger seat as his dad drove in silence, which was completely unusual for him, so he decided to try and break the tension.

“So, dad,” He dragged out as he looked over at his dad. They pulled up to a red light, and David looked at Ollie. “Where are we going?”

“The dentist,” David said simply as he moved the car into first gear when the light changed. “We need to pick Y/n up.”

“Shouldn’t they have finished up during quali?” Ollie asked before muttering to himself, “I thought they would have been in the garage by the end of media.”

“They had to get some work done,” David responded. It was light-hearted, so Ollie wasn’t too worried. When they pulled up, he parked the car but made no move to get out for a second, causing Ollie to look over confused. “They had to get their wisdom teeth out.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Ollie freaked out, immediately getting out of the car and trying to reach the front door before his dad. Unfortunately for him, his dad anticipated this and beat him to the punch by blocking the door. “Dad, let me in.”

“No, you need to understand why we didn’t tell you,” David pressed as he put a hand on Ollie's shoulder and sheered him back toward the car. “They didn’t want you to be nervous in qualifying. It’s getting to the end of your season, and next year, you’ll be in F1. Everyone’s eyes are on you, and the last thing they wanted was for you to get nervous and risk your position in the championship.”

“That makes no sense! I wouldn’t have thrown the session!” Ollie disputed as he threw his hands up.

“Oh, please,” David tsked, “You almost crashed the car when you found out they had a headache a few months ago. Of course, you wouldn’t completely compromise your qualifying session knowing they were getting surgery. That sounds totally believable to me.”

“Maybe you have a point,” Ollie mumbled as he dripped his hands to his sides in defeat. He looked back over to his dad as he sighed, “Can we go in now?”

“Are you going to cause a scene?”

“No.”

POV Switch-Third POV

All the while, Y/n was just waking up. The team had wrapped up the surgery at the end of qualifying and called David, saying he didn’t need to rush since they still needed to ween Y/n off of the meds and they still needed to pass the memory tests.

Y/n didn’t remember even waking up, but they did semi-register people walking in, around, and out of their room. Most of them were dentists or nurses checking their vitals, but then two people walked in that didn’t look like a dentist or nurse. It was Ollie and David, but Y/n was still too out of it to recognize them (or what they were saying to be honest).

“So they’ll be a little loopy for a while,” one of the dentists said to David, causing him to nod. Ollie had already taken a seat beside you and was holding your hand. The dentist then took David out of the room to talk about how to help clean the wounds and give him a list of foods that Y/n could eat while recovering. Ollie wanted to say something, anything to Y/n but they ended up talking before him.

“Whoever is your significant other is lucky because damn you’re hot,” Y/n chuckled slightly as they fell back against the pillows and smiled sleepily as they looked at him. “They’re like really lucky.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to know that you’re my significant other,” Ollie chuckled with them as he brought their hands up to kiss their knuckles.

“No way!” Y/n said as loud as the gauze in their mouth could allow as their eyes almost fell out of their head. “You’re telling me I bagged you?!”

“You bagged me,” Ollie chuckled in disbelief. He was upset at first that Y/n didn’t tell him sooner, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at them, especially when they said something like that. “If I tell you a word, can you remember it for me?”

“Anything for you, handsome,” Y/n shamelessly flirted as they leaned in a little closer to prop their head against Ollie’s free hand that was resting by their head.

“The word is ‘pole’,” Ollie said, and Y/n repeated it a couple of times before nodding that they understood it. “Okay, how are you feeling now?”

“I’m feeling tired. I wanna sleep. I wanna eat. I’m hungry. I want someone to tell me what place Ollie is in for the race tomorrow,” Y/n ranted before gasping toward the end, remembering the qualifying session they missed. In the haze, Y/n’s brain never connected that Ollie was sitting in front of them as they went on a rant. “Ollie Bearman is my favorite driver, and I wanna know where he placed. Do you know Ollie?”

“I know of him, yeah,” Ollie said as he bit back a laugh. There was no way he was witnessing this. “I think I know where he placed.”

“Where?” Y/n gasped as they tried to sit up in the bed, but the vitals machine started going off, causing a few personnel to walk in, but Ollie was already pushing them back.

“What was the word from earlier?”

“Pole?” Y/n said confused before it finally connected, “Wait, pole position?”

“Yup, he’s on pole for the feature race,” Ollie smiled at their enthusiasm. “Now, what’s my name?”

“What’s your name? CareBear?”

“Well, yes, but what’s my real name?”

“Oliver,” Y/n dragged out before the fog cleared enough for them to make the connection. “Wait! Ollie, my CareBear! You’re Ollie!”

“I am,” Ollie chuckled as he leaned over to place a kiss on Y/n’s forehead while the dentists started removing wires and needles from Y/n, so they could leave. Ollie wrapped an arm around their shoulder, knowing Y/n didn’t like needles. He took to whispering reassurance in their ear until they were cleared to leave. Ollie then asked, “You still sleepy?”

Y/n didn’t respond as they were already asleep, so when all of the paperwork was signed, Ollie picked Y/n up to carry them to the car. The entire ride to the hotel, Y/n was asleep against Ollie’s shoulder until David pulled into the parking spot. That’s when Y/n woke up, stretching their arms above their head.

“I still wanna sleep,” Y/n whined as they leaned back against Ollie. “My legs feel like jelly.”

“I can always carry you again,” Ollie commented already getting out of the car and moving around to help Y/n out. As soon as Y/n stepped out, Ollie’s arm was lifting up their legs to carry them up to their room. Thankfully, David was already leading the way and opening doors for them.

“You’re really working for that Boyfriend Of The Year award, aren't you?” Y/n teased as they plopped their head against Ollie’s shoulder.

“I didn’t know I was in the running,” Ollie joked back as he left a kiss on their nose.

“You’re always in the running,” Y/n pouted before going on another tangent, “Y’know, I’d love to kiss you, but I can’t really feel my lips so I don’t know how that would go.”

“I’ll give you a kiss when you don’t have bloody gauze in your mouth,” Ollie said as he walked up to the door. “Does that sound like a deal?”

“Add some ice cream or smoothies and you’ve got a deal.”

“You can’t drink from a straw, so no smoothies.”

“Buzzkill.”

“Not a buzzkill,” Ollie said simply as he set Y/n down on the bathroom counter, so he could change their gauze. “We’re not risking you getting dry socket.”

“Kissass.”

“How does that make me a kissass?” Ollie chuckled as he helped Y/n down from the counter and to the bed. Ollie fixed the pillows around them to make them comfortable before grabbing an icepack from the freezer.

“You know the judge of the Boyfriend Of The Year award, and you’re kissing their ass,” Y/n chuckled as they leaned back into the pillows and took the icepacks from Ollie, immediately pressing them against their face. “Let me say, you’re winning.”

“I would hope so,” Ollie retorted, “I should be the only one in the running!”

~~~~~

#ollie bearman x reader #ollie bearman #ollie x reader #oliver bearman #oliver bearman x reader #formula 2 x reader #f2 #formula 2 imagine #f3 #formula 3 #f1 x reader #prema racing #bad268 #ship268 #thing268 #ferarri f1

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galedekarios · 9 months ago

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i'm reading a new interview tim downie gave about gale and it offers some of tim's own headcanons about gale, as well as tim's thoughts and insights on gale's character:

Nerds & Beyond: I like that you mentioned that the game is full of rounded characters because they are, they all have different aspects that make them feel real. I adore that Gale specifically is so serious and studious, but at the same time he has this really playful side — he often jokes about how he was a mischievous youth, he encourages other people like Arabella to do so, he understands when The Dark Urge first mentions their violent thoughts. There is a lot of nuance and depth there. But the quality that I love with Gale most is that obviously he is very ill when we first meet him – not that we know immediately – and he’s dealing with a lot of chronic pain. I find him incredibly selfless because he takes that day-to-day head on to help the party, which is an aspect I feel continues to show throughout the three acts. What’s your favorite quality of Gale’s, or what did you take away from him? Tim Downie: It’s so interesting hearing you say that, because I had so many different feedbacks about what people take from the character and sometimes things really surprise you. It’s interesting hearing that such and such has taken that particular aspect, because there are broad things like “He’s funny,” and that’s quite nice, that’s a nice trait, though not one you necessarily get to see that much. It’s so interesting hearing other people’s views about what they take from Gale. The idea of dealing with chronic pain I found really interesting and an interesting subplot to play, and that was the great thing about doing something like this is that it is so unbelievably nuanced. You have so many layers that just keep going and going and going, as much as we all contain multitudes within ourselves. We all deal with these things, but only certain things pop up to the surface at any given point. What did I take from Gale, though? I liked his studiousness. I would imagine that he was probably bullied as a kid for it, and he was probably a bit of a joker because he was bullied, and he uses that as a defense. But an even bigger defense for him is “I now know stuff that I didn’t before,” and that’s a power. It’s very similar to when you are being bullied and you’re the funny one – that’s your power, that’s your thing. “I may not be able to hurt you in a traditional sense, but I can say things that will make you feel pain,” which is a very different thing because you physically can’t go after them. That’s the wonderful thing about acting and this character as well is being able to explore all these things that you might not have, that you might have gone, “I’m not gonna look at that again, I don’t want to deal with that,” and then it brings it up again and it’s like, “Oh, this is actually quite cathartic,” to re-explore these these moments of sorrow and loss and how you deal with grief and things like that and heartbreak and how you get over that. It’s not all just tears, you do try and make a joke of it.

i really like that they are addressing the topic of gale's chronic pain. it's something that doesn't get addressed often, not even in the game itself.

i also found his answer as to why people might connect to gale very nice:

Nerds & Beyond: Gale is the most popular origin character to play as. What is it about him that you think allows so many different players to connect with him to the depths the fandom has? Tim Downie: I really don’t know. I think you’d have to ask the players that, ‘cause I don’t know, to be quite honest with you. He’s a wizard, and who wouldn’t want to be a wizard at the end of the day? I always say the difference between wizards and sorcerers is that sorcerers just pretend – they just assume they know what they’re doing, but a wizard has really learned this trade. And so there’s that kind of weight of knowledge and learning, which I would love to play as and be for a length of time. I think it’s also the frailties. I like characters, and a lot of people do I’m assuming, that have flaws, otherwise you’ve made them completely unapproachable. To be completely superhuman or completely extraordinary at something then removes the humanity from it because it becomes like, “Well, that’s never gonna happen.” But when there’s a flaw, when there’s, “Oh, I’ve got that wrong, too,” or like, “My knees hurt” as you say, or “I’ve got a bit of a headache. I really don’t want to do this,” “You’re really annoying me, this is very annoying, could you please hurry up?” or “Stop licking the damn thing,” it’s always those moments that are fun because it shows what we’re all thinking at that point, it removes it from almost archetype and stereotype and it becomes human in a way.

gale is approachable and likeable, has flaws, but is genuinely nice. i think that very much sums up his character.

this bit here made me laugh:

Nerds & Beyond: When you’re talking about those different layers in the humanity building, I think one of the most important aspects in this game is the more “background” or passive dialogue, so dialogue that is prompted in the world and not in the cut scenes. For instance — the first time I made Gale sneak he immediately complained about his knees, and it was such a real moment where he was just like, “Oh, don’t make me do this. This is not what I’m here for, I’ve got bad knees and I’m not made for this.” Did you have any of those background lines or moments that stick out as being particularly fun to craft? Tim Downie: I remember the first time I ever had to do waiting, I found it infinitely interesting in so many ways. The idea that I did actually just have to wait and just actually, “Hmm…” Those little things I find really funny because they’re probably the closest to me that the character ever gets. His waiting mannerisms are kind of very English – slightly annoyed and I’m not going to show it to you though because we’re all being very nice, but I’ll do it with a huff and a slightly sarcastic, “Well, that’s great. Another 20 minutes. That’s great.” Those kinds of sentiments I found wonderful and incredibly fun, and funny, to do.

if you want to read the whole interview for yourself, you can do so here!

#gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #tim downie #ch: gale dekarios #actor: tim downie #vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #please keep in mind that this is not canon and just tim sharing his thoughts #i'd just like to add that as a general disclaimer

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xothatnerdykid · 14 days ago

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read your mind

You’re a newly minted pro-hero with a quirk that lets you to read the mind of anyone you touch. So imagine your surprise when you accidentally read a certain stoic, brooding hero's mind and find out he doesn't hate you like you thought, but rather, something dangerously close to the opposite.

Aizawa Shouta/Eraserhead x fem!reader. NSFW but not very explicit. 5,002 words.

“Your form was sloppy,” he says in lieu of a greeting.

You used to cringe when he’d tell you things like that, become sheepish and apologetic. Now, after months of knowing him, you'd simply smile and quip, “Awww, you watching my saves on the news again?”

You hated bumping into him. He was the reason you tended to leave mission briefings early: the ever-stoic, perpetually unimpressed Pro Hero Eraserhead.

As a relatively new hero working in the same city, you were thrilled at the chance to learn from someone as experienced as him. But your excitement quickly dimmed the first time you met as you noticed his gruff demeanor and critical, scrutinizing gaze.

You knew he was tough on everyone, but there were times when it felt like his criticism was directed at you more than anyone else. And no matter how hard you tried or how much praise everyone else gave you, he always found something to correct.

So, for the sake of keeping your self-esteem intact, you’ve resorted to treating his criticism like a game, teasing him back whenever he dropped one of his classic deadpan remarks. It was either that or crumble under the weight of his seemingly endless disapproval.

But today, all you can muster is a grunt in response, head throbbing from fatigue and chronic sleep deprivation.

“That’s my line,” he says flatly. Because apparently, someone always has to be the cheeky one between the two of you.

“Can we just…” You rub your temple, wincing as the pain spikes. "Can we just not do this today?”

“Are you feeling alright?” His voice loses a bit of its usual sharpness as he steps closer, eyes narrowing in concern. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I’m fine,” you huff, waving him off. "Just tired. We can't all function on only ten shots of espresso a day."

"Seven actually. I'm not a maniac. And you don't sound fine."

You roll your eyes, feeling too drained to banter with him. "I said I'm fine. Can you spare me the lecture?"

You mean to walk past him when you feel his hand wrap around your wrist, startling you. Suddenly, there’s that familiar buzz in your mind — your quirk activating with the skin-to-skin contact. The headache momentarily takes a backseat as his thoughts flood in.

Is she really okay? She looks like she’s about to collapse.

Why does she always push herself so hard?

You look up at him, eyes wide and unblinking.

He yanks his hand away as if he’d been burned, the flood of his thoughts abruptly cut off. His dark eyes flicker with something—surprise? Guilt? He takes a step back.

“Sorry,” he mutters, his voice rougher than usual. “Didn’t mean to…”

You open your mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. How are you supposed to respond to that? All this time, you thought he was just cold, that he only ever saw your flaws. But just now, he…

He was worried about you?

“I—” you start, but your voice falters. He’s still staring at you, his expression carefully guarded again.

“I’ll see you around. Feel better." His voice is clipped, betraying none of the thoughts you just heard. The words sound so casual, so dismissive, that for a moment you wonder if you imagined it all.

You want to say something to break the tension between you, but you're suddenly nervous. Your heart races, pounding with the weight of this new knowledge. Before you can compose yourself, another hero calls his name, and he mutters a quick response before leaving.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You promised yourself you were going to avoid him like the plague.

Later that day, when you were tossing and turning in bed, still overthinking your last encounter — you promised. You even came up with (what seemed to you) a solid game plan: You were going to focus on hero work so much that you won’t even have the time to think about him, much less see him.

But the mission had gone from bad to worse in a matter of minutes.

What was supposed to be a simple recon had turned into a full-on chase through the streets when the criminal you'd been tracking for weeks unexpectedly showed up at the deal you were sent to bust. Orders be damned, you vaulted over the rooftop ledge and ran after them.

You leaped across buildings, adrenaline spurring you on. Your mind was focused, heart pounding in rhythm with your footfalls. You’d chased this villain twice before, and both times, they’d slipped through your fingers. You weren’t about to let that happen again.

The villain was fast, but so were you. With each bound, you closed the gap, watching as they darted into a narrow alleyway below. This was your chance. Your heart surged as you prepared to drop down and cut them off.

Suddenly, a figure descended from the shadows, blocking your target from your sight. Your stomach dropped.

Of course it was him.

"Stay back. This is too dangerous for you to handle alone.” His voice was firm and authoritative. Even with the goggles on, you could feel his dark eyes trained on you with that same stern expression you’d come to dread.

"Dangerous? I've been on this case longer than you have!”

You stepped forward but so did he.

“I said stay back,” he warned you. “Don’t be reckless. He’s already evaded you twice, and now he’s cornered. Desperate villains do desperate things.”

“He’s getting away! You’re ruining my chance to finally catch him!”

“And you’ll get yourself killed,” Aizawa snapped. “I’m not going to let a rookie run into a trap.”

Anger flared in your chest. You knew he didn’t respect you, hadn’t from the start. Always criticizing, always watching with that disapproving scowl. You try to push past him, but it’s no use. He’s stronger than you, and maybe even more stubborn.

“Wait here and let me handle it,” Aizawa growled, his voice low and commanding. His scarf moved like a serpent around him, a silent warning that he wouldn’t hesitate to use it if you pushed any further.

You clenched your fists but did as you were told. Much to your frustration, the villain was apprehended quickly after that. You watched from the rooftop, fuming as Aizawa cornered them with ease, his scarf tangling around the villain's limbs like it was second nature. Within minutes, the situation was over, and backup arrived to escort the criminal away.

You stayed put, your heart still racing with the adrenaline of the chase and the frustration of being sidelined once again. The cool night breeze did little to calm your heated emotions. It wasn’t fair. You’d been so close, only for him to swoop in like you were some rookie who couldn’t handle their own mission.

Now, you watch as he finishes giving his statement to the police and then make his way towards you.

You cross your arms tightly, readying yourself for whatever critique he’d throw your way this time. But when he stops in front of you, he doesn’t say anything right away. He simply takes off his goggles and looks at you.

His silence is almost worse than his usual condescending remarks. When he finally speaks, his voice is gravelly, strained. More measured than you expected.

"Are you okay?"

You blink. "I…I'm fine," you answer, maybe a bit too defensively.

Aizawa's eyes narrow, and for a moment, you think he’s about to call you out for your tone. But he just stares at you, his expression as unreadable as ever.

You shift on your feet, feeling the weight of his scrutiny. The silence stretches between you both, heavy and awkward, until he exhales and rubs the back of his neck.

"Good," he mutters, his voice softening just slightly, but there’s something behind his eyes—a flicker of something you can’t quite place. His hand lowers back to his side, and as it brushes yours for the briefest moment, something happens.

Skin contact.

Before you can stop it, his thoughts are bleeding into yours, loud and clear.

I should’ve handled that better. She probably thinks I hate her…

Dammit, I don’t want her to hate me.

Your breath catches in your throat. A rush of emotions flood your mind: frustration, concern. Genuine fear.

She doesn’t need to prove herself to me. She’s already good enough. More than good enough.

Heat floods your face, your pulse quickening. He… cares? Before you can process it fully, the connection snaps. A sudden coldness washes over you as your quirk is forcibly erased.

Aizawa’s eyes lock onto yours, his irritation visible in the sharpness of his gaze and the tight line of his mouth.

"I…I didn't mean to," you tell him, your voice barely above a whisper.

Something like uncertainty flickers in his expression, and his hair falls down in waves as he shuts off his quirk, too. His jaw tightens but his brow furrows as though he’s trying to decide what to say.

“I...know you didn’t,” he finally says, his voice low and rough.

You flinch, guilt bubbling up in your chest. “I’m sorry,” you murmur again, dropping your gaze to the ground. You didn’t want to invade his mind, but now you couldn’t unhear what you’d discovered.

Just like before, he turns to leave.

“Wait—” you blurt out, reaching for him instinctively. You don’t know what you’re going to say, but you can’t just let him leave like this. Not again.

He pauses, half-turning to glance at you over his shoulder. Your heart is pounding in your ears. The words are there, but they feel jumbled in your throat, tangled up in the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions swirling through your mind.

“I—I didn’t know. About any of it.”

Your eyes search his face for any sign of what he’s thinking, but his expression remains impassive. You fight back the urge to touch him.

“I thought you couldn’t stand me,” you admit in a small voice.

Aizawa heaves a sigh. His hand rises to pinch the bridge of his nose, and for the first time, you notice how tired he looks; exhausted, worn down in a way that makes him seem more human, less the untouchable figure you’ve always seen him as.

“I’m not trying to be hard on you,” he says after a long pause, his voice softer now, the anger draining away. “But you don’t always think things through, and that’s dangerous. You’re talented. You don’t need to prove anything to me or anyone else.”

His words surprise you, and you look up, meeting his gaze again. There’s no scowl, no biting critique, just honesty. You swallow hard, feeling an odd mix of warmth and discomfort settle in your chest.

Before you can think better of it, your hand moves instinctively, brushing against his arm. You freeze, realizing what you’ve done, but this time, he doesn’t pull away. And though he has every opportunity to, he doesn’t erase your quirk either.

I’m too close to her. The thought is faint, hesitant. She’s already in my head… and it’s getting harder to push her away.

Your breath catches in your throat. He’s not just frustrated with you — he’s frustrated with himself.

You pull your hand back, not wanting to intrude further.

You don’t know what you expect to see on his face; surprise maybe, or even anger. But for the first time since you’ve met him, you see something warmer in his eyes — something that sends a flutter through your chest.

Aizawa takes a half-step closer and your pulse quickens at the proximity. Then, in a voice so soft it’s almost a secret, he murmurs, “Don’t make me worry like that again.”

“I won’t,” you manage to whisper, your heart caught in your throat.

He takes a step back, as if remembering himself, and his usual stern demeanor slips back into place.

“Go home. Get some rest.”

You nod, still too flustered to speak. The warmth of his touch lingers long after he's gone.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

It’s well past midnight, the city quiet except for the soft hum of distant traffic and the occasional sound of wind rustling through the streets. Your patrol route brings you to the edge of a quiet park, where you catch a familiar figure standing in the shadows, keeping watch.

“You really like brooding in the dark, don’t you?" You smile at him from over your shoulder, though your usual sarcasm is gone.

“It's my favorite pastime,” he deadpans, but you don't miss the way his dark eyes hold yours a beat too long.

“Right,” you snicker. “The city’s most stoic hero. I bet you even scowl in your sleep.”

Aizawa’s lips twitch, the tiniest of smirks threatening to break through. “You can’t prove that.”

"Oh?” You smile sweetly, batting your eyelashes for good measure. “Something tells me I can.”

His gaze sharpens slightly, and for a moment, you’re sure he’s about to call you out on your teasing. But instead, he steps closer, his tall frame looming over you.

“You’re bold tonight,” he says, his tone somewhere between amused and intrigued. “Careful, I might start thinking you’re actually enjoying my company.”

You bite your lip to keep from smiling any wider. “And what if I am?”

He steps just a fraction closer, and you can feel the heat radiating off him in the cool night air. His voice is low and smooth when he says, “Then I’d have to wonder what it is you think you’re getting yourself into.”

The air between you thickens, the playful banter now laced with something a little more dangerous, a little more exciting.

“You know, I could buy you a coffee sometime,” you offer, hoping to diffuse some of the tension, keep the conversation light. “To say thanks for helping me out with that last mission.”

He pretends to mull it over but, before you can react, he reaches out and grabs the coffee cup you’re holding. He takes a deliberately long sip, watching you with an intensity that makes your skin tingle.

When he lowers the cup, he meets your gaze with a half-lidded look that sends your pulse racing.

“Consider it done.”

Your face feels impossibly warm now, and you’re sure your blush is painfully obvious, but you manage to keep your voice steady as you quip, “An indirect kiss? Maybe you’re the one who needs to be careful, or else other people will start getting the wrong idea.”

With a low laugh, he hands the cup back to you, and the subtle brush of his fingers against yours sets off another wave of his thoughts.

I wonder if she realizes how much I want her.

Your breath catches.

For a split second, you think you might’ve misheard it, but the heat in Aizawa’s gaze as he watches your reaction tells you otherwise. The cup is back in your hand, but your fingers are numb. Your focus is entirely on him, his thoughts still rattling around in your mind.

His lips twitch again. “You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden,” he teases, his voice low, almost a purr. “What’s going on up there? Something I should know about?”

You swallow hard, trying to gather your composure. He’s looking at you like he’s daring you to admit what you heard.

You take a deep breath and decide to play along. “Oh, nothing. Just wondering if you always flirt this shamelessly.”

“Maybe I just wanted to see how you’d react.”

Your heart is racing now, fingers trembling around the cup in your hand. His gaze is dark and intense. Unwavering. He's looking at you like he knows exactly the effect he’s having on you and he’s enjoying it.

Your quirk had always been a double-edged sword; sometimes it revealed things you wished you hadn’t known, and other times it brought clarity to situations that seemed hopelessly opaque.

This time, it left you with a dilemma.

“Go ahead,” he murmurs, as if sensing your thoughts. He’s close enough now that you can feel the warmth of him, his presence overwhelming but not uncomfortable. “Since you’re already in my head…why stop now?”

Your breath hitches. His invitation is dangerous, yet impossible to resist. There are a dozen reasons why you shouldn’t — you work together, it’s an invasion of privacy, you hated his guts just a few weeks ago — but the temptation is too strong, his presence too intoxicating.

Hesitantly, your fingers brush against his once more, and his thoughts flood in again, more intense and vivid this time.

She’s braver than I thought. I like that.

I shouldn’t be doing this. But damn, I can’t stop thinking about her. The way she looks at me…

“Good girl,” he cooes, his voice a low rumble that sends a flutter of excitement through you.

You feel lightheaded, dizzy with the weight of his thoughts, the tension between you at a boiling point. You swallow hard, trying to regain some semblance of control, but the way Aizawa’s eyes are fixed on you — dark, intense, hungry — it’s making it hard to think straight. He wants you to know. He wants you to feel what he’s feeling.

And you do.

You feel everything.

His desire is a palpable thing, hanging in the air between you, electric and heady. You can see it in the way his gaze lingers on your lips, the way his breath hitches ever so slightly when you lean in.

“Hardly seems fair. I don't get to know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.” His voice dips lower, enough to send another wave of heat crashing over you. “Are you going to keep me guessing?”

Your voice wavers slightly, but you manage to respond, “I’m not sure you’re ready for what’s in my head.”

He chuckles, a dark, low sound that makes your stomach flip. “You might be surprised.”

You can barely breathe as he brushes the back of his hand against your jaw, his thumb pressing lightly on the corner of your mouth. You feel his thoughts ripple through you again, even stronger this time.

I want her. God, I want her so badly…

Your knees feel weak, and it takes everything in you not to lose yourself completely in the moment, in him. The tension between you feels unbearable now, as if one wrong move could send you both over the edge. And you’re not sure how much longer either of you can hold back.

Aizawa smirks, just a hint of satisfaction flickering in his expression.

I could kiss her right now. It would be so easy.

The thought lingers between you, thick and heavy, and you can’t tell if it’s yours or his anymore. All you know is that just the idea of his lips on yours is making your entire body hum with anticipation.

Aizawa watches you carefully, as if waiting for your reaction. He knows you heard him, and he’s not backing down.

You swallow hard, the weight of his gaze pinning you in place. “Go ahead then,” your own voice sounds small and distant to your ears, but it’s enough to tip the balance.

His lips are on yours in a second.

The kiss is soft at first, tentative, as if he’s testing the waters, but it quickly deepens as the tension that had been building between you finally breaks. His other hand slides around your waist, pulling you closer, and you feel his thoughts rushing through you again.

God, she tastes even better than I imagined.

Your knees nearly buckle, and you can barely focus on anything except the way his lips feel against yours — firm, warm, demanding yet tender. He’s kissing you like he’s been holding back for far too long.

When you finally pull back for air, your heart is pounding, your breath shaky. Aizawa’s forehead rests gently against yours, his eyes half-closed as he catches his own breath. His thumb brushes lightly over your cheek, a small, affectionate gesture that has you smiling up at him in a tizzy.

“Still think I hate you?” he murmurs, his voice low and full of heat as he slides his hands into the curve of your waist.

You laugh softly, pulling him closer by his scarf. “I think I might need a little more convincing.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The days that follow your little late night tryst at the park are deliciously unbearable.

It’s as if you don’t know how to be around him anymore. There's tension during training sessions. The gym hums with its usual energy, but you can’t focus. Not with him in the room. You’re sparring with someone, half-heartedly dodging and throwing punches, but your mind is elsewhere, replaying the feel of Aizawa’s lips on yours, the heat of his body pressed against you.

Across the room, he’s speaking to a group of trainees, the same unreadable, stoic expression in place. But there's a flicker of something else in his eyes when they briefly meet yours, a look only you recognize.

Your opponent lands a hit on your shoulder and you nearly stumble. You grit your teeth and bring yourself back to the present moment. When the sparring session ends, you grab a bottle of water and try to catch your breath.

He walks over to where you’re sitting off to the side, seemingly doing the same. His voice is low enough so only you can hear. "You're distracted."

You flush, struggling to keep your expression impassive. “And what if I am?”

“Focus, or I’ll have to give you some private training later.”

His words are a promise, dripping with intent, and your blood sings. You can’t find a response quick enough before he’s already pulling away, leaving you flushed and even more distracted.

It’s not much better during night patrol, when the city streets are dimly lit and mostly empty. Although the two of you are supposed to be overseeing different sectors, you know when you turn a corner into a dark alley that he's following silently, closely behind.

You walk deeper into the alley, pretending to scan the area, but the quiet crunch of his footsteps has your heart racing. Just as you’re about to turn back, a hand wraps around your wrist, pulling you into the shadows, away from prying eyes.

You open your mouth to say something, but he’s already on you, crashing his lips against yours.

“You’re making—it hard—for me—to concentrate,” he murmurs between kisses, each word punctuated by the soft graze of his mouth against yours. His hands press against your hips, pinning you gently yet firmly to the wall, and a wave of heat spreads through you.

Suddenly, an image flashes in your mind: him trailing his mouth downwards until he’s on his knees, hooking your leg over his shoulder and eating you out. A thought that isn’t your own.

“You’re one to talk,” you shoot back, though there’s no real bite to it. If anything, your voice is barely steady. “You’re supposed to be patrolling your own area.”

He runs his fingers along your jaw. "And let you wander into dark alleys alone?" He leans in, lips brush against your ear, nibbling. "Not a chance."

He crooks a finger under your chin and tilts your head up, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the column of your throat, his teeth and lips lingering just enough to make you gasp.

I want to taste you. All of you, he thinks. I want you to make a mess on my face, on my fingers, and then lick it clean.

You grab a fistful of his hair and tug. He presses you harder against the wall, and it’s dizzying, intoxicating—

Until the sharp crackle of comms cuts through the haze.

“Report. Any activity?”

You both freeze, breaths mingling, still pressed close. His eyes flick to yours, and there’s a hint of amusement dancing in them.

“Nothing to report,” he says, voice calm and collected as if he hadn’t just been kissing you senseless a moment ago.

You look up at him, dazed and wanting, heart pounding. He tilts his head at you and you realize they’re expecting a response from you, too.

“N-no activity here either,” you manage despite the tightness of your throat.

The comms fall silent once more. Aizawa is looking at you through half-lidded eyes and a self-satisfied smirk. You hate him as much as you really don't.

“We should get back to our routes before someone decides to check on us," he murmurs.

“Oh, so now you’re concerned about protocol?” You arch an eyebrow at him, though you’re sure your flushed cheeks betray any semblance of teasing bravado.

"For now." He leans down to brush the shell of your ear with his lips. "But if you keep looking at me like that, I might just break a few more rules.”

A few days later, you find yourselves seated across from each other during a mission debriefing. The room is full of other pro heroes, but it might as well be empty for all the attention you’re paying to anyone else.

Your thoughts scramble every time Aizawa's knee brushes against yours beneath the table. He, on ther hand, is the picture of composure, listening to the debrief with his usual detached focus.

This meeting’s dragging. I can think of better ways to pass the time with you.

You try to focus on the mission details, but half way through, he moves his hand atop your thigh and you shiver.

How long do you think it’d take if we just slipped out, right now?

You steal a glance at him, and there’s the barest flicker of amusement in his eyes when they meet yours.

You force yourself to look down at your notes, but your mind is elsewhere, his presence impossibly distracting. Fuck it, you think before you slide your foot up his calf.

He sputters a cough, a rare crack in his usually unshakable composure, and you feel a surge of satisfaction. Under the table, his hand tightens on your thigh, his grip firm, almost possessive, and the thrill of it has you biting the inside of your cheek.

Keep doing that and I won’t be responsible for what happens after this.

As the meeting draws to a close, everyone rises to leave, and Shota gives you a barely perceptible nod toward the hallway. You follow at a careful distance until you reach his office, entering a good few minutes after he does so as not to arouse suspicion.

He backs you gently against the door as he locks it behind you, his gaze pinning you in place. His eyes are dark and stormy, with that half-focused look you’ve come to love so much. When he speaks, his voice is soft, a murmur meant only for you. “You’re going to get us caught, you know that?”

You smile up at him sweetly then tip-toe to give him a soft, lingering kiss. "You’re the one who can’t seem to keep things professional,” you coo, your fingers tracing along the collar of his shirt, teasing.

A muscle in his jaw twitches. “Is that so? Funny, I don’t remember you objecting."

“Of course not,” you confess breathlessly, head thrown back in pleasure as you tug at his hair. You can’t make out the sound of your own voice over the blood thumping in your ears. “Do you know how many times I’ve imagined us doing inappropriate things in your office?”

Your words seem to snap the last of his restraint.

A low growl escapes him, and before you know it, he’s gripping your hips and lifting you just enough to press the hardness of his length against you. You gasp. His mouth finds yours with a raw, pent-up hunger that has you clinging to his shoulders, heart racing wildly.

“And here I was, thinking I was the only one losing sleep over this,” he murmurs between kisses, tugging your bottom lip gently between his teeth.

He pulls you flush against him as his tongue explores your mouth, and you trail your hands down his chest and the ridges of his abdomen just as eagerly. You grind your hips down on his erection and he lets out a deep, guttural groan, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“Fuck, baby,” he pants, his warm, rough hands slipping beneath the hem of your shirt. “You’re lucky we’re alone.” His tone is half-warning, half-promise, and you can feel his heartbeat racing beneath your hands.

"I know somewhere we wouldn't have to worry about being interrupted," you tell him breathlessly. “My place. Tonight. If you’re up for it.”

He lets out a quiet chuckle, thumb brushing over your lower lip. "I'll clear my schedule.”

#gnawing at the bars of my enclosure for this man #aizawa shota #bnha shota aizawa #shota aizawa x reader #aizawa x reader #mha aizawa #bnha aizawa #aizawa sensei #eraserhead #aizawa imagine #aizawa shota imagine #aizawa shota x you #aizawa shota x reader #aizawa shota x y/n #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #aizawa shouta #aizawa shouta drabble

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chaotic-toasters · 6 months ago

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Up the Stairs?

This actually happened to me one time LMAO

England Lionesses x Teen!Reader

------------------------

"I'm not climbing those creepy old stairs!" Ella protested. "Y/N and Hannah should go. They're the youngest and the most fit, so if there's a serial killer hiding in the stairwell, they can outrun them. I'm taking the lift, I don't care."

You rolled your eyes. "C'mon, Hannah. Let's go."

"Tooney's such a baby," the Keeper laughed, matching your stride as you approached the hotel's staircase. "I swear, she believes the dumbest things."

You snickered. "Right?"

Hannah started climbing the steps, but you began bounding up them three at a time instead of your usual two. The girls always said you were childish, and this was one of the reasons why.

Because you weren't used to the extra height, you tripped, moving your hand out in front of you to break your fall. However, the sudden impact to your hand sent a sharp pain shooting down from your wrist to your forearm.

"Oh my days," Hannah grimaced, forcing you to sit as she gingerly picked up your hand. "How much does it hurt?"

You squinted at her. "On a scale of what?"

"One to 'take me to A&E, I'm dying'."

"Meh."

She scoffed. "Yeah, right. That crack echoed 'round the stairwell."

"That's just because the acoustics in here are really good," you dismissed her concern. "Seriously, Hannah. I'm fine."

"I'm still telling everybody," she warned. "We need to keep an eye on it. You might not have any symptoms now, but that can change in a few days."

You groaned. "Fiiine."

-----------------

"Are you hurt?! What happened?" Rachel yelled in your ear, startling you. "How did you break your hand?! Are you alright?"

You scooted away from her and closer to Alessia. "I'm fine, Rach. And I didn't break it, it's just a scratch."

"Scratch? More like a loud arse crack," Hannah shook her head. "I think we should take you to the medics. Even if you aren't feeling too much pain and it's not broken, you might have sprained it or something."

You pouted, turning to your more empathetic teammates pleadingly. "Lessi, Niamhy, tell them I don't need to! I'm literally fine."

"Sorry, kiddo," Alessia smiled apologetically. "I'm with Rach and Hannah on this one. If it goes untreated, it'll heal wrong and you'll have chronic pain."

Niamh nodded her agreement, a sheepish look on her face.

You turned to your last hope. "Hempo?"

The forward picked up your hand, turning it over and observing it. "Nah, you're fine."

"She doesn't even have full range of motion!" Hannah exclaimed. "Her wrist can't move in a circle smoothly."

"I'll go to the medics if it gets worse," you grumbled. "Now let me be."

An awkward grin spread across Rachel's face, causing you to frown. "What?"

She looked down, unable to remain neutral. "I- uh... I texted Leah."

As if on cue, the door flew open, revealing a very worried Captain England. "Y/N! What the hell did you do?"

You gasped, glaring at your traitorous teammate. "You snitch!"

"Get up, we're going to the medics," Leah pulled you up by your non-injured hand. "Come on, let's go."

You tried to remain still. "Leah-"

"We're going," Leah grunted, throwing you over her shoulder despite your protests. "You're not getting out of this."

You stared glumly at the floor, ignoring the giggles of your teammates.

"I need a medic for this one," Leah declared as she entered the room, setting you down on a chair. "She fell down the stairs."

Sarina's head whipped towards you. "What?!"

You looked at Leah indignantly. "No, I fell up the stairs. Get it right."

Leah threw up her hands in exasperation. "How do you fall up the stairs?"

"I was going up and I tripped," you answered, frowning when one of England's medics held up your arm and hand. "I fell onto the step above me."

Sarina sighed, rubbing her temples. "Did she fracture it or anything?"

The medic shook his head. "Likely a mild sprain, especially if she can still somewhat move it. We'll give her a wrist brace. I'm sure you know how that works, Y/N."

You gave Leah the stink-eye. "This is all your fault."

"No, this is all your fault," she corrected, patting you on the shoulder. "You're the one who likes to go up multiple steps at a time."

"Whatever," you stuck out your tongue, taking the brace from the medic. "We all know that this is really all Tooney's fault."

Leah paused. "Yeah, that's true."

#lionesses #engwnt #engwnt x reader #woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso one shot #leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #ella toone #alessia russo #rachel daly #lauren hemp

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beatrice-otter · 1 year ago

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The Other Half of the Social Model of Disability

Lots of people in fandom are aware of the Social Model of Disability, which is a direct contrast to the Medical Model of Disability. Problem is, most of those people only understand half of the Social Model.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, the "in a nutshell" version is that the medical model views disability as something that is broken and which needs to be fixed, and little or no consideration is given beyond trying to cure it (and little or no consideration is given to the needs and wishes of the person who has it). The social model of disability, on the other hand, says that the thing that disables a person is the way society treats them. So, for example, if someone is paralyzed and can't walk, what disables them from going places is buildings that are not wheelchair accessible. (Or possibly not being able to afford the right type of wheelchair.) Inaccessible spaces and support equipment you can't afford are choices society makes, not a problem with the disabled person.

People then take this to mean that the only problem with disability is the society that surrounds it, and therefore in some utopian future where capitalism is no more and neither is ableism or any other form of bigotry, all problems disabled people have will be solved.

Except that what I've just described is not actually what the social model of disability says. Or, rather, it's only half of what the social model of disability says.

The actual social model of disability begins with a distinction between impairments and disabilities. Impairments are parts of the body/brain that are nonstandard: for example, ears that do not hear (deafness), organs that don't work right (e.g. diabetes), limbs that don't work (paralysis), brain chemistry that causes distress (e.g. anxiety, depression), the list goes on. The impairment may or may not cause distress to the person who has it, depending on the type of impairment (how much pain it causes, etc.) and whether it's a lifelong thing they accept as part of themselves or something newly acquired that radically changes their life and prevents them from doing things they want to do.

And then you have the things that disable us, which are the social factors like "is there an accessible entrance," as described above.

If we ever do get a utopian world where everyone with a disability gets the support they need and all of society is designed to include people with disabilities, that doesn't mean the impairments go away. Life would be so much better for people with impairments, and it's worth working towards, but some impairments simply suck and would continue to suck no matter what.

Take my autism. A world where autism was accepted and supported would make my life so much easier ... and yet even then, my trouble sleeping and my tendency to hyperfixate on things that trigger my anxiety would still make my life worse. I don't want to be cured of my autism! That would change who I am on a fundamental level, and I like myself. My dream is not of a world where I am not autistic, but a world in which I am not penalized for being autistic and have the help I need. And even in that world, my autism will still sometimes cause me distress.

There are some impairments--conditions that come with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, etc.--where pretty much everyone with that impairment agrees that the ultimate goal is a cure. But nobody knows how long a cure will take to find (years? decades? centuries?), whereas focusing on the social things disabling you can lead to improvement in your daily life right now.

In conclusion: the social model of disability is very valuable, and much superior to the medical model on a number of levels. But: please don't forget that the social model makes a distinction between disability and impairments, and even if we reach every goal and get rid of all the social factors that disable people, some impairments will be fine and cause no distress to the people who have them, some will be a mixed bag, and some will still be major problems for the people who have them.

Also on Dreamwidth

#disability #social model of disability #actually autistic

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moonsandmobilityaids · 2 months ago

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The Plan

Pairings: Poly!marauders x disabled!reader Summary: It's the boys' turn to enact their plan. Warnings: Chronic pain, smut (group sex, fingering, p-in-v, multiple creampies) Series Masterlist | Part 1

"Now that you've had your fun," he murmurs, lips brushing against your jawline, "can we proceed with our plan?"

The question stirs a flutter of anticipation within you, but also a sense of unease. You furrow your brow, considering the implications of his words.

"Your plan?" Your voice is barely a whisper, taut with both curiosity and apprehension. "What are you planning?"

You ask, though part of you fears the answer, another part yearns for the promise of change, of hope. Sirius's grin doesn't waver, only widens, revealing the reckless edge that always seems to accompany his bravado.

"Just lie back and let us take care of you," he suggests, the twinkle in his eye belying the gravity of what he implies.

"That doesn't exactly clarify anything," you retort, and James chuckles, a sound that vibrates through you as if you're intimately connected.

"Do you trust us?" James's question hangs in the air, heavy with implications, as he begins to loosen your jeans. His gaze never leaves yours, a silent challenge that quickens your pulse.

"Yes." The word slips from your lips before you can fully comprehend the gravity of what you're saying, but James appears satisfied. A small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, and he nods, acknowledging your consent. His thumb traces slow circles on your lower abdomen, just above the waistband of your jeans, and you shiver under the feather-light touch.

"We want to take care of you," James murmurs, the words a soft promise against your skin. His fingers deftly unbutton your jeans, the action slow and deliberate, his touch lingering even as he moves to pull them down. All the while, Sirius watches, his eyes never leaving the sight of James's hands on you.

Your breath hitches as James hooks his fingers into the waistband of your jeans, pulling them down in a smooth motion that leaves you bare to their gazes. He follows the path with kisses, each one burning into your skin as he descends to kneel between your spread thighs. Remus leans against the wall, his eyes locked onto yours as his hand moves rhythmically his cock, stroking himself back to being hard. His hair is tousled, lips slightly parted as he watches you, and the sight of him so undone by desire sends a jolt of anticipation through you.

The air is thick with want, each breath you take filled with the scent of them—of sweat and cologne and something distinctly male. Sirius leans down to capture your lips once more, and the world tilts on its axis. His tongue explores your mouth, possessive and demanding, stoking the fire within you until you're certain you'll be consumed by it.

"Impatient, are we?" you manage to breathe out when he pulls back, his eyes darkened by a hunger that mirrors your own.

"Always," he whispers, the warmth of his breath dancing across your skin. His fingers trace a path down your side, edging beneath the lace waistband of your underwear. The rough pads of his knuckles glide against your sensitive flesh, drawing a sharp intake of breath from you as your hips instinctively buck towards him. You yearn for more—more contact, more friction—to quell the fire that's been ignited within.

But Sirius doesn't yield to your silent plea just yet. He teases, his fingertips ghosting along the edge of your underwear, tantalisingly close to where you need him most. His lips move with yours in a deepening kiss, his tongue pressing forward as if seeking answers to unspoken questions. But then you feel it—a firm hand, not Sirius's, pushing his away from your underwear. James's fingers curl around the lace, a mischievous grin playing on his lips as he tugs them down slowly, exposing you completely. Your clit pulses with anticipation, aching for the touch that has been promised.

The wait becomes unbearable as James leaves you hanging, his gaze fixated on your bare form like a predator eyeing its prey. You let out a frustrated whine, earning a soft chuckle from Remus who leans against the wall, his eyes never leaving the scene before him. The sound of his low laughter only stokes the fire within you, fuelled further by Sirius's lips marking your neck.

Finally, the torment ends—or rather, it takes a different form. James's fingers find their way back to you, tracing slow circles around your outer folds. He's achingly close to your swollen clit but never quite touching it, the promise of contact making you whimper in need.

"Please," you gasp, the desperation clear in your voice. You no longer care how needy you sound—the desire coursing through your veins demands satisfaction, and you're past the point of denying it.

Your hips rise off the bed, seeking his touch once more, but he pulls back, leaving you bereft. A whimper escapes your lips, a sound of pure frustration.

"James," you breathe, not caring how desperate you sound. His expression is unreadable, and it only serves to increase your confusion. How can he be so aloof when there's so much desire between you?

"Please," you plead, unable to keep the quiver from your voice. "Touch me."

A low chuckle rumbles from Remus' direction, drawing your gaze to him. He's watching, his eyes filled with amusement and something darker, something that makes your heart pound against your ribcage.

"Stop teasing her, Prongs," Remus says, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. "It's almost cruel."

"I just want to see her beg," James replies, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he meets your gaze. There's a cruel satisfaction in his eyes, one that makes your stomach flutter with anticipation and dread.

Sirius lets out a low sigh and reaches between your legs himself. His fingers find your clit, and you gasp as he applies a gentle pressure. He circles the sensitive nub with a firm touch, coaxing a moan from your lips. The relief is immediate, sending waves of pleasure radiating through your body, making your head spin.

But then Sirius pulls away, leaving you hanging on the precipice. You whimper at the loss, your hips bucking up in silent plea. "You're so needy," he whispers against your skin, his warm breath raising goosebumps along your flesh.

"God, Sirius," you gasp, trying to sound stern but failing as your voice breaks with desperation. "Don't tease."

"But begging looks so good on you." James's voice is a low growl, resonating with primal desire. He continues his ministrations unabated, the rough pads of his fingers dragging over your sensitive skin, stoking the fire within.

Desire flares within you, hot and urgent, making you curse the traitorous way your body yearns for their touch. Sirius lowers his head, taking one of your nipples into his mouth, and you cry out as he bites down gently. Pleasure spikes through you, sharp and sweet, before he soothes the sting with languid strokes of his tongue.

James' thumb finds your clit, slick with lube. He circles it slowly, his touch light but insistent. The pleasure builds in you like a wave gathering strength, each stroke pushing you toward the crest.

The heat of his hand against your bare skin contrasts sharply with the cool air of the room, every point of contact a flare of sensation. His fingers dance over your folds, tracing paths that have your breath hitching.

"Fuck," you groan, hips lifting to meet his touch as he changes the rhythm. Now his strokes are purposeful, no longer teasing but intent on driving you toward release. His thumb presses down harder on your clit, and a shudder racks your body.

But he doesn't relent. Instead, his movements become more deliberate, alternating between firm pressure and feather-light caresses that leave you writhing beneath him. Your fingers dig into the sheets, grasping for something solid as James continues to play your body like a finely tuned instrument.

His hand trails lower, fingers teasing at your entrance while his mouth finds your clit. Before you can draw a full breath, he's sucking there, hot and wet, and it's almost too much. His tongue flicks against the sensitive bud as he slides a finger inside you. You feel the pressure building, your inner walls clamping down on him instinctively.

You want to move against his hand and mouth, but each shift sends a jolt of pain shooting through your hips. It's a stark reminder of reality, grounding you amidst the sea of desire that threatens to pull you under.

"Love, are you alright?" Remus' voice cuts through the haze, concern lacing his words as he watches your face contort with both pleasure and pain.

"Yes," you manage to choke out, though it comes out more like a whimper. "Just... need a moment."

James pulls back immediately, ceasing his ministrations. His fingers, slick with your arousal, retreat and instead, draw soothing circles along your inner thigh. "What hurts?"

"My hips," you manage to say, wincing as you try to adjust your position.

"Let's try this," Sirius suggests, his hands carefully guiding you onto your side. The change in position brings some relief, the pressure on your lower back lessening slightly. His grey eyes meet yours, mirroring the same concern that lingers in Remus'. "Better?" he asks, and you nod, if only a little.

"Yes," you breathe out, the word barely more than a whisper. A small smile tugs at the corners of Sirius' mouth, not one of amusement but of relief. He brushes a stray lock of hair away from your forehead, his touch feather-light against your skin.

James moves to sit on the edge of the bed, his gaze intent on your exposed centre. There's an unmistakable hunger in his eyes, even now, when pleasure is secondary to the potential for pain. He reaches out, his thumb tracing along the curve of your lips before pressing gently, parting them with a reverence that belies his usual bravado.

"You're beautiful," James murmurs, his voice a mere whisper against the backdrop of pounding heartbeats and shallow breaths. His eyes rake over your body, lingering on the sheen of perspiration that clings to your skin, the flush spreading across your cheeks, your breasts rising and falling with each ragged inhale. He can feel the heat radiating from your core, a testament to your desire for not just one, but all three men who now lay claim to your pleasure.

And they crave you with equal fervor. Remus continues his steady strokes, the sight of you spread before them too much to resist. James and Sirius are both achingly hard, and at some point, they’d shed their clothes, but they pay no mind to their own arousal. All their attention is focused on you, watching as your body responds to their every touch.

Your hand moves to reciprocate, reaching for Sirius's arousal, but he captures your wrist in his firm grasp. "Not now, baby," he breathes into your ear, his voice a soft growl that sends shivers down your spine. His fingers lower, finding the sensitive nub at your apex. He begins circling it with a slow, steady rhythm that has you arching against him. "Tonight is about you."

You whimper in response, your head falling back onto the pillow as pleasure curls within your belly. Your body reacts to their touches, aching and yearning for more of their attention. You give a small nod, consenting to their ministrations.

Sirius continues his gentle assault on your clit as James pushes two fingers inside you. The stretch burns, your body adjusting to the intrusion, but the discomfort soon gives way to pure pleasure. Your hips shift, seeking more contact, more pressure and James obliges, his fingers curling within you.

"Fuck," you gasp out, your breath coming in short, ragged bursts. Every brush of Sirius's fingers against your clit sends jolts of electricity coursing through you, each one stronger than the last. James's fingers move in time with Sirius's strokes, a symphony of sensation that leaves you writhing beneath them.

Your voice is a broken whisper, your plea barely more than a breath. You lift your gaze to meet his, your eyes half-closed with need, and the smirk on his face says he knows just how desperate you are. James adds a third finger inside you, stretching you further as his thumb takes over from Sirius on your clit. He rubs it in slow circles, applying just enough pressure to keep the pleasure mounting.

His thumb continues its steady pace over your clit, each stroke sending shocks of pleasure through you that make your toes curl. The knot in your body tightens with every pass, wound up and ready to snap. As James shifts his fingers inside you, the sensation changes, hitting an angle that steals your breath away. When he curls them just right, striking that elusive spot, your vision swims.

"Ah—!" You gasp, your back arching. The pressure builds, your body on the precipice of something monumental.

"That's it," Sirius murmurs into your ear, teeth grazing your neck. "Let us make you feel good."

The roughness of his voice sends shivers down your spine, your body responding to his command before your mind can catch up. Your hips buck against James's hand, seeking more of that delicious friction. "Yes," you breathe out, the word barely a whisper.

"You like that, baby?" Sirius asks, his hot breath fanning over your skin. He bites down gently on your neck, marking you as his, and you respond with a nod, too lost in the sensations to form words.

The bite sends another jolt of desire coursing through you, adding fuel to the already roaring fire within. Every touch, every whisper, every look from them adds another layer to this exquisite torture, pushing you further and further towards the edge until you're teetering, ready to fall.

"Please," you gasp, the word barely a breath, your hips grinding against the rhythm of his fingers. Your body arches, pressing into James's touch, seeking more—a deeper, harder friction.

His fingers move faster inside you, their pads rough against your slick walls. The pressure builds as he curls them, hitting that spot deep within you over and over. Sirius’s mouth finds your neck, biting gently at the tender skin, his hands exploring the curves of your body with an almost reverent touch.

Across the room, Remus watches, his eyes dark with desire. He strokes himself slowly, savouring the sight of you writhing between the boys. Your soft moans fill the room, a symphony of pleasure that stirs his arousal, yet he remains where he is, watching and waiting for you to beckon him closer.

James's thumb circles your clit, applying just the right amount of pressure, driving you closer to the edge with each calculated movement. Your legs tremble, muscles tightening around him as your body threatens to unravel.

You sense Remus stepping closer, his body radiating heat as he moves to the edge of the bed. His hand still strokes himself, his gaze locked on the scene unfolding before him. You can see the desire in his eyes, matching the intensity of James and Sirius's attention. It's intoxicating, the way they all focus on you, their every action designed to coax pleasure from your trembling form. But it's also disorienting, the room spinning slightly as you fight to keep yourself grounded. You want them to feel this too, to experience the ecstasy they're bringing you. They deserve that much.

James's thumb finds your clit again, pressing down in rhythm with the thrusts of his fingers inside you. Each stroke sends a jolt through your body, heightening the sensations coursing through your veins. It's almost too much, the pleasure bordering on pain as you struggle to keep up. Your breath comes in ragged gasps, your mind reeling from the onslaught of sensation. You lose yourself in it, letting the feeling consume you until there's nothing left but raw, primal need. It's so intense that you nearly forget about the burning desire to reach climax, to find release from the tension building within you.

Almost, but not quite. The frustration simmers below the surface, a tight knot in your stomach that refuses to unravel no matter how hard you try. You can feel it there, just out of reach, taunting you with its elusive promise of relief. The more you chase it, the further it seems to recede, slipping away like sand through your fingers.

The next touch comes from Sirius, his mouth closing over your nipple with a sureness that sends sparks shooting through your veins. He suckles with an intensity that has you gasping, arching into the sensation as pleasure sharpens into something bordering on pain.

Remus shifts to the other side of the bed, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that is both an apology and a promise. His hand mirrors Sirius's actions, teasing your other breast until your skin is alive with want. You taste your moans on his tongue, hear them echoed in the low growl that vibrates against your chest.

It's too much and not enough, all at once. The room spins with the intoxicating mix of sensations, yet you crave more—more of their touch, their taste, their presence pressing in on all sides.

You feel each stroke of Sirius's tongue like a brand, every squeeze of Remus's fingers like they're moulding you anew. James's hand delves lower, tracing paths across your stomach that make your hips buck, seeking friction against nothing but air. Your breaths come in shallow pants, your heart pounding a desperate rhythm against your ribs.

The pressure mounts, each touch a promise of the release you crave. But as your body strains towards its peak, something holds you back. The climax you yearn for remains elusive, an echo of pleasure that dances just out of reach.

"Fuck," you gasp, the word torn from your lips by frustration and need. "I can't... I need..."

James pulls away abruptly, leaving you bereft and aching, your body thrumming with unfulfilled desire. His eyes are dark, filled with a hunger that mirrors your own, but there's a calculating edge to his gaze.

"No," you protest, voice hoarse. "Don't stop. Please."

A wicked smile plays on his lips, but it's not satisfaction that fuels it—it's anticipation. "We're not stopping, love. Far from it."

Relief washes over you, followed by a fresh wave of confusion. If they're not stopping, then what are they doing? You look to James for answers, but he only watches you, drinking in the sight of your flushed skin and heaving chest.

"You're so beautiful like this," he murmurs, tracing a finger along the curve of your hip. "So desperate, so needy. You'd take anything we give you, wouldn't you?" His words aren't really a question—they're a challenge, and despite the rawness of your body, you find yourself nodding, eager for whatever they have planned.

"Maybe it's time we give her what she wants," Remus suggests, his voice velvet over steel. He leans in closer, his lips hovering just beside your ear. The warmth of his breath fans across your cheek, making you shiver. "We each have an idea of how to make you cum. So who do you want first?"

"I can't," you breathe out, the edges of your vision blurring as the pleasure continues to build. "I can't choose."

"Then let's go from least likely to most likely," James decides. He reaches for his wand and Sirius reluctantly pulls away, allowing James to slide in beside you. You wrap a leg around his waist, drawing him closer. He grips the base of his cock and strokes it a few times, eyes never leaving yours.

"What are you going to do?" you ask, breathless as he reaches for the bottle of lube.

He glances over his shoulder at Remus and Sirius before looking back at you. "I'm going to fuck you," he says, voice low and full of promise. "And while I do, I'm going to cast a spell that heightens your sensations."

Your heart hammers in your chest as he begins to lube up his cock. The thought of what's to come sends a thrill of anticipation through you. Three men, each with their own unique approach to pleasure, ready to claim you in turn.

"But it doesn't stop there," James continues, his eyes never leaving yours. "Once I've finished, Sirius will take my place. He'll use a different spell, one that acts like a muggle vibrator."

A whimper escapes your lips at the thought, your body already aching for more. You can't imagine what this spell will feel like, how it could possibly enhance what you're already experiencing. But you trust James, trust them all, and so you nod, giving him permission to continue.

"Good girl," he murmurs, leaning down to kiss you once more. His lips move against yours, a soothing balm to the storm of desire raging within you. "And after Sirius... Remus is going to use a toy on you, a suction one, right on your clit while he fucks you. It'll be... intense."

"God," you moan, the word barely a whisper as heat floods your core. The idea of it all, the promise of what's to come, has your head spinning. But even amidst the whirlwind of sensation, one thing is clear: you want this. You want them, all three of them, and everything they have to offer.

A thrill of anticipation shivers through you as James murmurs a warming charm, his fingers deftly tracing a path over your clit. The magic sends a rush of heat to your core and your thighs quiver in response, the pleasure building with every gentle stroke.

"Fuck," you gasp, your back arching off the bed as the warmth intensifies, each pulse more potent than the last. Your vision blurs with the intensity of it, the world narrowing down to the sensation between your legs.

Then, with an incantation you don't recognise, he amplifies your sensitivity even further, making you acutely aware of every tiny movement, every breath that fans across your skin.

The soft whimper that escapes your lips is involuntary when he positions himself at your entrance, the head of his cock teasing your folds. You're wet and ready for him, but the need to feel him inside you is so overwhelming that your hips lift involuntarily, seeking contact.

James doesn't make you wait any longer; with a low groan, he pushes forward, sinking into you. His eyes slip shut, and you can almost taste his pleasure in the way his muscles tense and relax as he begins to move. The creak of the bed beneath you is drowned out by your own moans, each one a testament to how good he feels inside you.

Every nerve ending in your body is alight with sensation, but you barely register the way your fingernails dig into his shoulders, pulling him closer, deeper. He fills you completely, and the friction of his cock against your walls is just right—enough to keep you teetering on the edge, but not enough to send you over.

"Fuck," James breathes, a swear that's half groan and half prayer. His hand tightens on your hip, fingers pressing into the tender flesh as he moves, slow and measured within you. The warmth around your clit is almost unbearable, amplified by the rhythm of his body against yours. Each stroke sends tremors through you, waves lapping at the shore of your senses before receding, only to return with even greater intensity.

Your breath hitches in your throat, a gasp that's swallowed by the night. Your muscles clench around him, a silent plea for more. He answers with a low growl, his pace quickening. Heat flares along your skin, the friction between your bodies sparking a fire that threatens to consume you both.

James' grip on your hips is unyielding, each thrust driving him deeper, harder. Anticipation coils tight within you, a spring wound up to its breaking point. And then, with one final, devastating push, he breaches the last barrier of your restraint, sending you hurtling over the edge into ecstasy.

Remus and Sirius watch in rapt attention as James begins to move against you, the rhythm slow but unyielding. His moans fill the room, a testament to the pleasure coursing through him, but they are only a backdrop to the symphony of your own rising desire.

Their gazes burn into your skin, sending shivers down your spine even as James's hands explore your body. You can see the shared need reflected in their eyes, the hunger that mirrors your own. It's intoxicating, this dance of desire, made all the more potent by the presence of those who share it with you.

Sirius reaches out, his hand closing around one of your breasts with an urgency that matches the rhythm of your bodies. The unexpected touch sends a jolt of pleasure coursing through you, and you arch your back, a low moan escaping your lips. Your nipples harden under his touch, each flick of his thumb sending waves of pleasure radiating through your chest.

But despite the mounting tension within you, release remains just out of reach. It's infuriating and exhilarating all at once, the promise of climax hanging in the air like an unspoken vow. You dig your fingers into James's shoulders as he thrusts into you, the friction between your bodies sending sparks of pleasure shooting through your core.

Sweat beads on your skin, the heat between you both intense and unrelenting. It slickens the movement, each slide of James's body against yours sending shudders through you both. He maintains a steady pace, the rhythm familiar yet overwhelming, each push coaxing another moan from your throat.

His breath is hot on your neck, the sound of it a steady whisper in your ear. One of his hands leaves your hip to trail down your body, fingers seeking out the source of your pleasure. When he finds it, you gasp, lifting your hips to meet his touch. Your body reacts instinctively, craving the contact that promises to tip you over the edge.

Your eyes flutter shut, a whimper escaping your lips as you bite down on the soft flesh of your bottom lip to stifle the scream threatening to break free. The additional stimulation is almost too much, pushing you closer to the edge, but still not enough to send you over.

James's thumb moves in slow circles around your sensitised pearl, his smirk one of pure satisfaction as he watches you unravel. Desperate for more, you grind your hips into his hand, seeking the friction that will tip you over the edge, but James simply holds you steady, his rhythm unyielding as he plunges into you again and again.

Leaning in, Sirius captures your lips with his own, drawing you into a dizzying kiss that makes your head tilt back to offer him better access. His breath is hot against your skin, his tongue tracing the seam of your lips before delving deeper, his pace matching James's. You moan into his mouth, the added sensation amplifying everything until you're on the brink once more, squirming beneath their touch.

You push your hips harder against James's hand, but his fingers falter, the sudden pause in his rhythm leaving you gasping, the need for release becoming unbearable. Your body tenses, and a whine of frustration escapes your throat, the pent-up pleasure begging for release.

"Fuck!" You gasp, breaking the kiss with Sirius to look at James with eyes that plead for mercy. "Please, James, I need...just...ugh!"

The tension inside you feels unbearable, and every time you think you're close to finding release, it slips away. Frustration builds into a low growl against Sirius's lips, and he doesn't laugh at your desperation this time.

"Shh, I know, love. Just relax," James murmurs against your ear, still moving inside you with a control that's maddening in its precision. Then, almost simultaneously, Sirius's thumb begins to circle your clit while James mutters a spell under his breath. The sensation on your nipples intensifies, making them ache with a sudden sharpness that steals your breath.

The combination is heady, a symphony of pleasure that lights sparks from your breasts to your core. You can't help but arch into their touches, the enchanted heat winding tighter within you. Yet despite the crescendo of sensations, release remains tantalisingly out of reach.

"Please," you gasp, voice rough with need. "I... I can't..."

You writhe, hips undulating against Sirius's insistent touch, seeking the relief that dangles just beyond your grasp. But they don't relent, the intensity building until you're certain you'll shatter.

"Ah," James groans, the sensation of your hardened nipples brushing against his chest only adding to the delicious friction. "You are going to cum for us. We won't stop until we've done that, but I... Merlin... I may not last much longer."

His confession sends a thrill through you, as if his impending release is another form of control he's surrendering to you. You feel him throb inside you, the pulsating rhythm matching the frantic beat of your heart.

"I don't know how much more I can..."

"Cum for me, James." Your voice is no more than a breathless whisper in his ear, yet it carries the weight of command. Your legs wrap tighter around him, drawing him deeper still. "Please. I want you to cum."

And with that, he shatters. His thrusts become erratic, his grip on you tightening as if you are the only tether to reality. The pulsing heat of him sends waves of pleasure through your core, but it's not enough to tip you over the edge.

"Fuck," he gasps out, chest heaving as he collapses beside you. His body is slick with sweat, muscles twitching from the aftershocks of release. You smile at the ceiling, reaching up to push damp strands of hair from your forehead.

"That's good," you murmur, turning onto your side to face him. His eyes are half-lidded, clouded with satiation and something warmer, softer. You lean in, pressing a slow kiss to his lips, savouring the taste of him—salt and sweetness, desire and relief.

When you finally pull away, his smile is lazy, the flush on his cheeks deepening under your scrutiny. The corners of his mouth lift in a satisfied grin, one that speaks volumes of the pleasure he's just experienced. But his satisfaction is short-lived because there's still unfinished business between the sheets—you've yet to find your own release.

Sirius's eyes flicker with anticipation as he shifts, positioning himself between your spread thighs. They're slick with James's release and lube, and now, they're ready for more. Sirius guides himself, sliding the head of his cock up and down your folds, spreading the mixture of fluids around.

James passes the wand to Sirius, who takes it with a knowing smirk. "Let me help you with that," he says, his voice low and full of promise. He angles the wand just right, directing its tip towards your clit. As he utters the incantation, a pulse of magic surges from the wand, sending waves of vibration through your body. You gasp, your back arching as pleasure radiates from your core. Your hips jerk instinctively, seeking more of the sensation that threatens to consume you.

"Patience, love," Sirius says, his voice a teasing caress that matches the rhythm of the wand. He moves to position himself at your entrance, replacing James's absence with his own girth.

The stretch is more noticeable with Sirius, his thickness a contrast to James's length. Yet there's an odd sense of completion as he fills you, as though each man offers something different yet equally satisfying.

Sirius sets a rhythm, steady and deep, his eyes never leaving your face as he watches every reaction. Your pleasure is mirrored in the depths of his grey gaze, the firelight flickering across them, casting shadows that only add to the intimate atmosphere.

"Talk to me," he commands, his voice a low growl. "Tell me how it feels."

The words are barely a whisper, lost in the space between your bodies. "It's... incredible." You arch into him, chasing the sensation as he thrusts deeper, hitting just the right spot. A moan escapes your lips, unbidden but entirely warranted given the circumstances.

"You're perfect," Sirius grunts, the strain evident in his voice. The charm continues its relentless assault on your clit, sending jolts of pleasure through you each time he moves. The dual sensations are almost too much to bear, blurring the line between pain and pleasure until all that exists is this moment.

Your head falls back, your body arching instinctively towards the source of your pleasure. Sirius follows your movements, adjusting his angle to hit that sweet spot inside you over and over again. Each thrust sends stars bursting behind your closed eyelids, the world narrowing down to the feel of him inside you, the sound of your ragged breaths filling the room.

You're barely aware of the lips that trace a path along the back of your neck, the warmth of breath on your ear a stark contrast to the slight roughness of stubble against your skin. The hands on your hips are firm, holding you steady as Sirius continues to ravage your senses from the front. His fingers dance across your skin, every touch igniting tiny sparks under the surface, and you can't help but arch into his touch, seeking more.

Remus's voice is low, almost a growl, as he leans in closer, his body a wall of heat behind you. "Beautiful," he murmurs, the word barely audible above the sound of your own ragged breathing. He's watching you, you realise, taking in every reaction, every shiver and gasp that passes your lips.

The praise sends a thrill through you, stoking the fire within until it threatens to consume you completely. You're teetering on the edge, the world narrowing down to the feel of their hands on your body, their voices in your ears. There's an urgency now, a need that claws at your insides, demanding to be sated.

"Good girl," Remus whispers, his words a lifeline as you drown in sensation. "So good for us."

But despite their efforts, the release you crave remains just out of reach. The pleasure is intense, overwhelming, yet something holds you back from the edge. Sirius can sense it, feel your frustration mirroring his own as he drives into you harder, faster, desperate to tip you over into bliss. He's close too, so close, his breathing erratic and strained as he urges you on.

"Please," he growls, a note of desperation creeping into his voice. "Just let go, love. You're so close... I can feel it..."

His fingers dig into the soft flesh of your hips, anchoring him to you as he seeks his own release. But it's your pleasure he craves, the sight of you undone beneath him that will send him spiralling into ecstasy. He can feel it building within you, the tension coiling tighter with each thrust, each moan that escapes your lips.

"Sirius," you gasp, fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer. "Please..."

Your nails drag down his back, leaving trails of fire in their wake. The sharp sting only spurs him on, his movements becoming more frantic, more desperate. He's losing control, and the thought sends a jolt of arousal through you, intensifying the pleasure that threatens to consume you both.

The pressure of Remus' hands against your hips is a grounding presence, anchoring you when every nerve ending screams for release. His fingers dig into your skin, holding you steady as Sirius continues to thrust, the rhythm unrelenting. The vibrating spell on your clit hums with an intensity that borders on too much, threatening to rip you apart at the seams.

"Fuck," you gasp, head falling back against Remus' shoulder. Your eyes flutter shut, the room spinning as pleasure coalesces into a single point of blinding light. It dances just out of reach, tantalising and maddening in equal measure.

Sirius doesn't let up, his movements growing rougher, more desperate. The bed creaks under the weight of your tangled bodies, the air heavy with the scent of sweat and sex and magic.

Every fibre of your being is wound tight, strung taut between the promise of release and the fear of losing control. Your heart pounds in your chest, the sensation so intense it's almost painful. And then, as if sensing your struggle, Remus' voice cuts through the fog of pleasure once more.

"Trust us," he whispers, lips brushing against the shell of your ear. "We've got you."

But you remain stubbornly stuck on that precipice, teetering on the edge, unable to fall into the delicious abyss that awaits below.

"Fuck, I—" Sirius's words cut off with a growl, his teeth gritted against the onslaught of sensation. One final, powerful thrust and he stills, his body taut as a bowstring. You can feel him pulsing inside you, each throb sending ripples through your senses, even as your own climax remains frustratingly out of reach.

Sirius’s lips find your collarbone, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses along the line of your throat before his tongue traces a path upwards to your ear. "You're so beautiful," he murmurs, the words a rough caress against your skin. His voice is thick with desire, the darkness in it hinting at promises yet unfulfilled.

The sensation of Sirius pulling out is almost too much to bear, a keen sense of loss chasing the echoes of pleasure. The magic that had been dancing on your clit ceases, leaving you bereft and whining softly in the hollow stillness.

"Don’t worry, we're not finished," Remus's voice is a soothing balm, his hands warm and reassuring as they trace patterns on your skin, igniting the path for what's to come. He pulls you back towards him, your hips meeting his in a rhythm that promises more pleasure—different this time.

"Are you ready for something new?" His words are heavy with anticipation, a soft growl that makes your stomach flutter in response.

Before you can answer, he presses a small device against your clit, a different form of magic buzzing to life. It's not like the vibrating spell—this one feels more... suction-like—and you let out a low whine at the unexpected sensation. Your clit is already sensitive from the earlier spell, throbbing with need, but you don't care about the overstimulation. You're teetering on the edge, desperate for release.

"That's it... Let yourself feel everything." His breath fans across your ear, sending shivers down your spine. "You sound so beautiful when you lose control."

His fingers slip between your folds once more, gathering your arousal before he replaces them with the tip of his hardened length. He presses in slowly, allowing you to adjust to his size before he starts moving inside you. The sensation is almost too much—his cock filling you whilst the toy continues its relentless pressure on your clit.

"Fuck," Remus groans as he enters you fully, his hand gripping your hip tightly. He sets a slow, deliberate pace, thrusting into you while keeping the toy firmly against your clit. But it's not enough—you need more, your hips pushing back to meet him, seeking the intensity that only he can give.

"Easy, love," he breathes against your skin, placing a tender kiss on your shoulder blade. His control is slipping, and you can sense it—feel it—in every stroke.

But you're past reason now, desperate for release. "I can't, Remus... I need..." Your voice trails off, unable to articulate the urgency coursing through your veins.

A low hum grows louder as the toy increases its pace, the suction pulling at your sensitive bud in a rhythm designed to drive you mad. Each pulse sends a jolt through your body, drawing gasps from your lips and leaving you writhing against the bed.

"Please," you whimper, the word barely audible over the sounds of your own pleasure. "Please..."

The slow drag of Remus's cock within you is nothing short of exquisite torture, each thrust calculated to keep you teetering on the edge of release without granting you the sweet relief you crave. Your hips buck into his, seeking more contact, more friction, but he maintains his relentless pace, his fingers digging into your hips to hold you still.

A gasp rips from your throat as the toy buzzes against a particularly sensitive spot, your eyes rolling back as you arch into the sensation. A smirk pulls at Remus's lips, his thumb swiping over the controls to increase the intensity. The sudden change has your breath hitching, your body tightening as pleasure edges you closer to release.

"Fuck," you breathe, your hands clenching in the sheets as your body writhes under the onslaught of sensations. "Remus, I can't..."

But your plea falls on deaf ears—or perhaps it is simply ignored. Either way, the toy against your clit is relentless, pushing you ever closer to the precipice you're not sure you're ready to tumble over.

"Please," you whimper again, your voice barely above a whisper, but the desperation behind it is palpable. It's a plea for mercy, for release, for him to take you there—and yet, he doesn't relent.

Instead, his movements become more purposeful, more forceful. His hips meet yours with each thrust, driving him deeper inside you. Each time he hits that spot within, a jolt of pleasure courses through you and converges with the relentless rhythm of the toy against your clit. It's too much—too intense—but it's also not enough, leaving you teetering on the brink, desperate for the release that is just out of reach.

You've never felt this close, and Remus knows it by the way you're tightening around him. His lips quirk in a satisfied smirk as he keeps the toy pressed firmly against your clit. The suction sends waves of pleasure through you, making your hips buck back against him, despite his attempt to hold you still so he can continue. Your breaths come fast and desperate, each one sounding more strained than the last.

The ache inside you pulses intensely, and your clit is so sensitive it borders on pain. You're swamped with sensation, focused entirely on that single, all-consuming point of desire.

Remus's grip on your hips tightens, his own breath hitching as he feels you clenching around him. He knows you're teetering on the edge, and there's an undeniable sense of relief for both of you as this intense build-up finally nears its peak.

The sounds of James and Sirius are there too, their breaths hitching, their groans intermingling with your own. But it's Remus's moans that float above the rest, a low growl that vibrates against your skin. His hips move with purpose, each thrust bringing you closer to the edge.

"Remus," you whimper, your fingers curling into the sheets as you feel your climax building, coiling tight within your core. You're so close, teetering on the brink of release. You can taste it, the sweet promise of ecstasy that awaits just out of reach.

The tempo shifts, a sudden urgency replacing the steady rhythm. Remus is a force of nature, his movements as unpredictable and thrilling as a storm at sea. His breath gusts hot against your ear, the words he whispers there lost in the swell of sensation that threatens to drown you.

His grip tightens on the wand, the pressure against your sensitive flesh increasing until the vibrations become an irresistible pulse. It resonates within you, an echo of your own heartbeat that drives you closer and closer to the edge.

"Please," you whimper, the word barely more than a breath, yet it carries the weight of your desperation. "Please."

"Let go for me," he whispers, his voice rough with shared need. It's a plea, a command wrapped in velvet tones that hits you like a tidal wave, resonating in the very core of your being.

And with those words, the dam breaks. A rush of pleasure so intense it borders on pain sweeps through you. It starts from the epicentre of your desire, radiating outwards until every nerve ending is ablaze with sensation. Your vision whites out, replaced by a burst of stars behind your eyelids as you cry out, your voice echoing off the walls.

Your body convulses, wracked by waves of ecstasy that leave no room for thought or reason. All that exists is the here and now, the overwhelming fullness of him inside you, and the relentless surge of pleasure that seems to go on forever.

Remus' length pulses as he finds his own release, hands splayed wide on your hips, grounding him to reality. His body tenses, a silent exclamation of climax before relaxing into a boneless heap, his movements slowing but not ceasing, drawing out your pleasure until you're left trembling in the aftermath.

Finally, when your muscles have stopped clenching around him and your breaths come in shallow gasps, Remus pulls away. You're left feeling empty yet fulfilled, your body humming with satisfaction even as exhaustion begins to take hold. Every limb feels heavy, yet you're weightless, floating on the remnants of shared ecstasy.

With a final shudder, you roll onto your back, chest heaving. Remus pulls the toy away from your overstimulated clit and you gasp, both relief and loss echoing through you. Your body feels like a battleground—exhausted yet humming with residual energy, muscles relaxed but also tensed as if bracing for an aftershock.

Every nerve ending feels raw, a dull ache beginning to settle in your lower abdomen. You're distantly aware of James and Sirius moving around in the bathroom, the sounds of water running and low voices discussing something you can't quite make out.

But it's Remus' voice that draws your attention back to the present.

"You alright, love?" he asks, concern lacing his words.

You turn your head towards him, blinking slowly as you take in the sight of his worried gaze. You manage a weak smile, lifting a shaky hand to brush away a lock of hair sticking to your forehead.

"Yeah," you whisper, voice hoarse. "I... I didn't know it could be like that. Thank you."

Remus's smile is warm as he shifts next to you, his fingers brushing a stray lock of hair from your damp forehead. "It's our pleasure, love. Always."

The door creaks open again, and Sirius steps back into the room, now clad in a pair of loose boxers. His eyes, usually so full of mischief, are clouded with concern. "Are you in any pain? Your hips were hurting earlier." His voice is gruff, laced with an undercurrent of something akin to fear.

You pause. Your joints were aching before you’d even got started, and there's a residual ache in your muscles, a tenderness that wasn't there before, but it's a good sort of soreness, a testament to the pleasure they'd coaxed from every fibre of your being. You nod, just once. "A bit, but that's to be expected."

A frown etches itself onto Remus's face as he processes your words, but he nods, understanding dawning in his eyes. "Alright, love," he murmurs, his voice softer now, like a balm to your frayed nerves. "How about a bath? It might help ease the tension in your muscles, and... well, you need to get clean."

You nod, surrendering to the idea. The thought of warm water enveloping your aching body brings a small measure of relief.

"We'll help you," James interjects, his voice steady despite the worry that lingers in his gaze. He moves towards you with calculated steps, testing the strength left in your limbs. His arms slide under you, careful not to jostle you too much, and he lifts you from the bed with a gentleness that belies his strength.

You don't protest, too tired to assert independence you're not sure you possess right now. You let him carry you, your body limp against his chest, as he navigates through the corridors toward the bathroom. The door swings open to reveal a tub filled with steamy water, bubbles clinging to the surface.

The water's warmth seeps into your muscles, loosening the painful knots that have formed over time. You let out a sigh, the first hint of relief washing over you. Remus hands you a washcloth, and you accept it with a nod of gratitude, cleaning yourself up.

For a few moments, all is quiet except for the gentle lapping of water against porcelain. You lean back against the tub, allowing the heat to work its magic on your body. Another sigh escapes your lips, this one less pained, more relieved.

"Feeling any better?" James' voice is soft, cautious, as if he's afraid to shatter the fragile peace that has fallen over the bathroom.

You turn your head slightly, meeting his gaze. "Yes," you whisper, "much better, thank you."

A silent exchange passes between you and James—a moment of understanding, an acknowledgement of the bond you share. You close your eyes again, leaning back against the tub's porcelain curve. The water's warmth seeps into your tired muscles, sapping the last vestiges of tension from your body.

"Okay, you're going to drown if you stay in there any longer," Remus jests, unplugging the drain. The water gurgles away, leaving a faint chill in its absence. You shift, suddenly aware of how refreshed your body feels—cleaned of sweat and grime, but also of some intangible weight.

James steps forward, offering a hand to steady you as you rise, muscles still weak from exertion. He wraps a towel around you, the plush fabric a stark contrast against your skin, still shivering despite the warmth of the room. Gently, he guides you to sit on the dry shower stool.

"Dry her off," Remus instructs James and Sirius, retreating to your bedroom for a moment. When he returns, he carries an armful of soft clothes—nothing fancy, just simple garments designed for comfort rather than style.

James and Sirius move with care, patting the towel against your skin with a gentleness that belies their earlier intensity. Every brush of cotton feels like a promise, a vow to keep you safe even from the smallest discomforts. You can't help but lean into their touch, finding solace in this unexpected tenderness.

The warmth of the towel envelops you as James helps you dry off, careful not to aggravate your injuries. Then he assists you in slipping on the fresh clothes Remus brought—a soft cotton shirt and lounge pants that feel like a balm to your battered skin. He lifts you up once more, carrying you back to the sanctuary of the bedroom.

As he lays you down, the soft pillows cradle your head, offering a comfort you haven't felt in what seems like forever. Sirius and Remus take their places on either side of you, their bodies a reassuring presence as they lay down with you on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asks, his voice low and soothing. His hand reaches out, brushing a damp strand of hair from your face with a gentleness that makes your heart ache. His eyes, so full of concern and something deeper, never leave yours.

"Better," you admit, offering him a small but sincere smile. The warmth of the water has seeped into your aching muscles, coaxing them into reluctant relaxation. And their presence brings a sense of calm you always crave.

A soft touch traces the curve of your arm, raising goosebumps on your skin. Sirius's fingers lightly dance up and down, his movements almost reverent. "Just rest," he murmurs, the playful edge to his voice belying the gravity in his storm-grey eyes. "We'll take care of you."

James's hand finds yours, his strong fingers lacing with your own. The connection sends a current through you—subtle, reassuring. "We'll see to it," he says, his confidence a steady anchor amidst the roiling sea of uncertainty. "Whatever you need."

Emotion wells up within you, a mix of gratitude and affection that threatens to spill over. Without uttering a single word, your fingers tighten around James's hand, and your body leans instinctively into the steadiness of Remus beside you. Your head finds a resting place on his shoulder, and he responds with a comforting arm draped protectively around you. Sirius shifts closer, his presence a silent vow that no harm will come to you while they're here.

With them surrounding you, their bodies a living barrier against the chill of fear, you let your eyes drift shut. The rhythm of their breathing—steady, sure—becomes a lullaby to your frayed nerves. Their heartbeats, once distinct, now merge into a single, reassuring thrum that vibrates gently against your skin, grounding you in the reality of their care.

This is safety, you realize—a sanctuary woven from the threads of their commitment to you and each other. This is where you are cherished, not as an object to be possessed but as a person to be loved and respected. You draw in a deep breath, taking in the subtle scents that are uniquely theirs, and release it slowly, surrendering to the tranquillity that has settled around you.

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