#because on one hand they’re growing old together and god can u believe they made it here

[pinkfey]

wip wednesday :D

tagged by @mrs-theirin; tysm quill!! tagging @arklay @steelport @aartyom @malefiicarum @rosebarsoap @kirnet @shadowglens @narshadda @lavinet @druidgroves @swordcoasts @calenhads @brujah @nuclearstorms @florbelles @shepardgf @devilbrakers @jillvalcntines @morvaris @kymal @risingsh0t @solasan @lvllns @rosykims @aelyosos and you!!!!

have a depressing oddly interpreted take on the taint affecting alistair and rowena 😘

The taint came for his hands first.

A side effect of days spent clutching a sword and shield no doubt. His veins went fast, running black and blue overnight. He didn't like looking at them, but Rowena traced them over every night. Hardened bones were next. Protruding metacarpals and thinned knuckles and a noticeable creak in the mornings. Then the pain began. The ache. Days where his joints stiffened to stone, where a grasp clenched too tight refused to come undone, where splaying fingers to their fullest extent proved too much.

Rowena often caught him staring at his hands in the corner of her eye. Busy hands, curious hands, hands made to fidget and gesture and move above all else, now immobile. His worry token went untouched for months, as did many of the things he loved to hold. Flowers in the garden. The mabari's paws. Rowena.

There was a time when Alistair couldn't keep his hands off of her. Affection of the physical kind was a bright and shiny concept and it took time for him to adjust. Rowena could touch him anywhere, after all. It came easy to her, the affection, the initiation. His cheek, his chin, his collarbone--anywhere would do. Eventually, he came to reciprocate. Tentatively at first, as if asking for permission, but confidence came with the security of her affection. Touch became a comfort. A hand around her waist, on her jaw, in her hair. Anywhere would do.

It couldn't have been more different now. He shied away when she reached for his arm to hold, twitched when she kissed his neck in the mornings. Evening baths became sparser until they no longer existed at all, and this Rowena could hardly bear--facing this truth that the old rituals had died, so she clung to the last of them.

No amount of massage relieved the pain, but Rowena would be damned if she didn't try. Nightly, he let her take his hands in her own.

It was a relief each time to see that despite the Taint, Alistair's hands were still his own, broad and square-fingered and devastatingly gentle. Calloused on the underside and scarred by his earliest days with a blade, too young and eager to know any better. And those nights by the firelight, nights where she took his palm in her hands and massaged the ache away, she could see that Alistair's hands were still freckled, just barely. The sun could still shine on him and leave honeyed kisses against his skin and this was one thing the taint could never take. No darkspawn could take the sun.

The night she realized this, she wept silently. She'd stopped him before he could speak, pressed his freckled hand to her cheek before he could pull away, and whispered, "Bathe with me."

Months later, the taint came for her.

For Rowena, it was her vision and it was swift. [reduntant fix this queen lol]

[mntalbrakdown]

Locket - T. Holland

masterlist!

mentions of: smut (MDNI) it’s vanilla, hands? Unprotected sex, pregnancy, bisexual reader if u squint, hate comments, slight angst if you squint, fluff

synopsis: Tom is weirdly obsessed with your locket

wc: 2.1k

The intricate pendant was one thing he associated with you. The way it hung on her neck. How it was longer than the pearls she wore every day with it. How he loved how she kept her necklaces the same every day. It was something that he found fascinating. How she can have something so dearly on your neck to take them where ever she goes. He wondered for a long time what was inside, he grew slightly jealous of how her, and maybe others knew, but not him. For all, he knew it was her nude photos, but after him finally being able to grow a pair and start talking to her he was able to ask about it

“So what’s in there,” he asked with furrowed brows and a finger darting straight to her chest, she had to follow his finger and put two and two together that he wanted to know what was in the locket.

“Oh, it’s just a picture of my parents,” she said opening her locket moving closer to the man to show him.

He made a note to himself that the other side was empty and wondered why. He knew you had siblings so why was it empty?

“I have no clue what to put on the other side, I would put my siblings, but I don’t know,” she said as she was closing her locket looking away from his gaze and looking through the coffee shop’s window to see the passing cars

“You aren’t close with them?” he pries trying to read her expressions

“No I am, I just kind of like it by itself, so if something were to happen and I want to put something there, I don’t have to choose between my parents and my siblings,” she says turning back to his gaze

“Would you put your husband on that side?” he says trying to picture him in her locket

“Maybe even a wife” she jokes making them both laugh

“Kind of jealous that you can leave me for a girl”

“Hate the game, not the player,” she says looking straight at him trying not to laugh

“Kind of hard to do that when you’re so far away and I want to kiss you so bad,” he says trying to scoot her chair to him and succeeding. He tried leaning in but she swerved her head so he would kiss her cheek

“Not in public Tommy” she says smiling, kissing his cheek

“And why is that,” he says in a bit of a frown

“Your 12-year-old fans will attack me” she jokes around with the hate she has been getting, which made him stiffen visually because how could some people be so cruel to people they don’t even know, and how was she so ok with it?

That was that their relationship continued for years after. Every young fan wanted and prayed that they would break up to whatever god they believed in. Their wish did come true for a second and it was all over the media.

“Can’t they just leave me the fuck alone?” she said to her friend hoping the paparazzi would leave her street and stop taking pictures outside of her house.

“Price to pay when you’re dating America’s golden boy,” her friend says

“He isn’t even American!” she says in shock raising her hand “Is this shit not illegal?” she says pacing back and forth in her living room

“They’re on public property so I don’t think so”

“But they’re taking pictures of me in my fucking house, fucking creeps,” she says flipping the paparazzi off, which would make them enough to pay their rent or even upgrade their cameras

“Let’s just watch shameless together” her friend pats the couch next to her which she reluctantly follows and plops down

sorry

Why the fuck is he apologizing? It isn’t his fault. It’s the creeps who are obsessed with ordinary people and ordinary feelings. She hated and still hates why people always put people on higher pedestals when probably all they want is a normal life, but hey they signed up for this when they went for this career, right? Tom taught her that it wasn’t true, that they deserve a normal life too.

not your fault :)

She sent back. Just because both of them broke up doesn’t mean they both couldn’t be friends. They both still hung out and talked about their significant others. She was convinced he was her soulmate platonic or not, they both understood each other and that made her smile

want to hang out ;)

She debated for a second, but than thought ‘why the fuck not’ so she did. She started to hang out with him. She went to bars even though she didn’t drink and he went to bookstores even though he hated reading, partly because he was dyslexic and because it was boring. But they loved each other, that’s why they did things for each other even if they hated it.

soulmates

After a while of doing this and doing that. They got back together. This time it lasted and they never once spoke about the last break up. The 12 year old girls as she likes to call the crazy fans were upset. They knew it was forever. They looked inseparable, there would be no way in breaking them.

---

Every night night she would keep her necklaces and jewelry on. Her mother always told her to take them off, but she never listened. She thought it was so time consuming of putting them on and off every day when she can just keep them on and only take it off when she’s showering.

“You’re going to choke” he says to her

“I haven’t for the past 25 years, I think I’m ok” she smiles sarcastically at him

“Suit yourself,” he says as he wraps his hands around her waist looking at her straight through the mirror

“What the fuck turned you on?” She asks laughing at him when he tried to hide his face in her neck

“You’re wearing my Spider-Man shirt” she turns around and starts to kiss him everywhere except his face trying not to give in to him

“Fucking kiss me already” he practically begs

“Make me” he grabs her cheeks and makes her face him, he started to lean and kiss her, she gave in and kissed him back passionately. He picked her up and brought her to bed.

He was only wearing shorts to bed and was starting to take them off while she just looked at him. She loved the way he would get undressed quickly because he was eager to have her. He knew the outcome wasn’t anything special or different, but he loved it he would never get bored of it. He quickly dove to the bed making her laugh and he switched both of them so she was on top.

He grabbed the hem of the shirt and bringing it up her body to take it off. Loving the way she would stretch to help him out. When her face came back up again, her hair was covering her bare chest and her black glasses were falling. She pushed them back up which made him laugh because she can be the sexiest person and still be a nerd, something he always bullies her for.

“No bra” he questions as he brushes her hair back to get a full view

“Easy access I guess” she moves her body to try to align herself with him

“Wait no underwear” he’s a bit in shock about how he has slept with her all these years and never found this out

“I only wear a shirt, I thought you knew”

“What the-Fuck” he says as she grabs him and rubs it along her folds. She was wet and ready for him, she didn’t want it to be harsh and quick she wanted it to last for a while.

As she sinks into him she holds his chest for support. She arches her back from pleasure moaning his name. He finally realized he has easy access to her tits so he leans in to suck the right and massage the left. Then he moved his head to start leaving marks on her neck growing impatient to see them in the morning as little trophies for him. He could be able to mark her so people knew she was his and only his, and she would always show them off to the public, which he thought was hot.

Praising her of what she’s doing. He then massaged her thighs to spur her on which made her weak and she leaned to his chest. Her locket was cold and pressing against his chest. He hoped and prayed he could be in there like he belonged to her. Like she belonged to him. Something more emotional than a ring, like having a picture of her in his wallet.

He brought her jaw to him, to kiss her passionately. Her version of the locket was his watch. She couldn’t be in a watch theoretically but she always found it attractive. She found his hands attractive and having a watch decorate it was even better. She would also purposefully ask him for the time even if she had her phone. It was a turn-on for her and don't get her started on his touch, touch that would make her melt at the spot.

His other hand was grabbing her hair to keep her in that spot. Having her necklace and tits against his chest spurred him on. He glided his hand gently along her spine ticketing her making her arch her back. It was like his touch was the matches and she was the surface to ignite the fire. They were a pair that had no use if they were by themselves.

“Fuck Tommy” two words flipped a switch inside him to flip them over. Her hair was in a halo on the pillow. The way her eyes would glisten for him spurred him on. And how her mouth hung open as she was screaming from pleasure. He was so close that he wanted her to go first, he would make figure eights on her clit to add stimulation. He brought her leg up to his shoulder to go in deeper to hit the spot which succeeded.

“I’m fucking close” he already knew from the way she would tighten around his dick. She was now the one who brought him down to kiss him. Which sent butterflies through him. He released in her and she followed behind. As he laid next to her he brushed her hair behind her ear. She looked straight into his eyes which looked like they were filled with pure love.

“Be honest” he started his sentence

“Yeah”

“Do you want to have a kid” he finally asked, he looked fragile just by thinking about the other option, the bad option

“No -but, but I want to have one with you,” she says smiling at how his almost frown quickly turns into a smile

“Really,” he says a little too enthusiastically

“Yes, seeing you with kids is so fucking hot,” she says snuggling closer to him

“Shit let’s make sure these bad boys are swimming fast enough,” he says while he pushes his cum in her which made her laugh. She tries to swat his hand away as they both doze off to sleep

The day after the sun was coming through the curtains and danced along her skin. He loved the way she slept because she would usually smile through it and after would tell him what it was about. He was playing around with her locket twisting it and flapping it. He finally opened it and to his surprise, he was in it. It was him and Tessa that same picture was also her Lock Screen she would always say that it was her favorite picture of him because he was smiling innocently at Tessa not even caring what he looked like. His messy hair was still curly but slightly wet from coming back from a shower and had a black shirt and pants. she says it's special because he wasn't trying to look good.

“I love you,” she says catching him off guard

“Shit, you scared me,” he says chuckling

“So you’re just not going to say it back” she acted offended

“Love you”

---

“Happy birthday!” Tom and both of your daughter's come up to her in bed. With a tray of food and apple juice because she cannot express enough how much she hated OJ. While she was scanning the tray in front of her, she saw a little box. It was a black small one with a red bow with a card that says to mommy from her daughter's name but she knew it was Tom. She opened it to see a new locket, instead of it only being two-sided, this time it was three. It had a picture of her parents, Tom because he was selfishly keeping himself there forever, and their daughter with her missing both of her front teeth. And on the back it said “I love you, nerd” engraved

“Awe thank you sweets” she says kissing the top of her daughters head and than moved to kiss Tom

“We can try for baby number two later while you wear that locket” Tom says winking at you

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 287: Family Reunion

Previously on BnHA: The Tomura For One VS Deku And Pals clusterfuck reached new levels of clustfuckery as AFO possessed Tomura’s body and stabbed Kacchan and Endeavor. Shouto was all “good thing I leveled up offscreen so as to be able to fly around whilst carrying 400lbs worth of people”, and did just that and it was like, damn, son. Meanwhile Deku’s rage went Mach 100, and he kicked Tomura’s ass for almost two whole seconds, but in the process he apparently forgot that IF TOMURA TOUCHES HIM THAT IS VERY BAD, and so he stupidly let Tomura touch him and Tomura was all “GAME, SET.” Fortunately for Deku, his quirk plays by its own rules, and so the chapter ended with us cutting to the METAPHYSICAL OFA/AFO PARANORMAL DREAMSCAPE OF MYSTICAL BULLSHIT, where AFO!Vestige was all “lol Tomura y u mad”, and Nana!Vestige was all “SUP DEKU, YOU’RE JUST IN TIME, LOOKS LIKE IT’S ASSKICKING O’CLOCK.” I’m paraphrasing a bit, but that’s more or less the gist of it.

Today on BnHA: AFO is all “well if it isn’t Tomura’s grandmother who I murdered that one time”, and Deku is all “?”, and AFO is all “fucking vestiges, man, wild”, and Deku is all “??”, and AFO is all “ANYWAYS GETTIM TOMURA”, and OFA is all “NOT SO FAST”, and Deku is all “???”, and really, same. AFO then goes off on some wild tangent about how Deku is unworthy because he couldn’t protect everyone and needed help from OFA and got mad about his friends being stabbed, which is such a cold take it gave me hypothermia, but it ends up not mattering since Deku and Tomura both wake up seconds later with OFA still in the possession of its rightful owner, HOW ABOUT THAT. The chapter ends with the LoV approaching on Gigantomachia’s back with Dabi practically salivating at the mouth, and Toga trying to reignite an old fandom blood feud. Toga why would you do this to me. Toga.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

[CROWD LOSING THEIR MINDS] FINALLY THE NANA HAS COME BACK TO BNHA!! IF YA SMELLLLL WHAT THE NANA IS COOKIN!!!!! [RINGSIDE BELL CHIMING WILDLY] [LOUD AIRHORN NOISES]

“chapter 287: mistake” omg. yeah I’ll say you made a mistake, AFO. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE FLEETING LAST MOMENTS OF YOUR SHITTY EVIL LIFE

(ETA: so in all seriousness this must be referring to AFO’s belief that All Might/OFA made a mistake in choosing Deku, right? “I can’t believe you went and chose this shounen manga protagonist as your champion, what were you thinking.” I’ll just put this out there: however many comic books AFO read as a child, it clearly was not enough.)

wow Deku how slow are you

yes you’re inside OFA you dimbulb, did you think your clothes suddenly vanished out of the blue and the ghost of Nana just randomly appeared in the real world by some freak coincidence?? can you believe this kid. breaks his arms a measly 10-15 times in a row and all of a sudden he can’t think straight, get it together Deku

but also brb having a moment at the fact that his thoughts immediately run back to Kacchan, even with all of this nonsense going on and Nana about to lay the beatdown on AFO’s potato-lookin’ ass. forget that noise, all he wants to know is whether or not Kacchan is all right. fuckin’ geez. AM I OVERREACTING HERE A BIT. probably

(ETA: ALSO!! the way he just trails off!! “Kacchan is...” and then he can’t bring himself to complete the thought. oh my god my heart.)

HOLY SHIT

okay,

damn but this man sure knows how to ruffle my feathers. as eminently detestable as ever!!

could it be any clearer here that AFO is not on Tomura’s side?? for a moment I thought he had actually grabbed him by the back of the head in order to get him to look. but nope, he’s just resting his pointing hand on top of his head instead while he’s all “HEY TOMURA LOL IT’S THE GHOST OF YOUR DEAD PATHETIC GRANDMA”

for those keeping track at home, this would be the first time that Deku has heard this information -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandson -- and possibly the first time Vestige!Nana has heard it as well. Nana died when Kotarou was still a child, so for all we know the Vestige!Nana didn’t even know she had a grandson, lol. TODAY ON “MAKESTE RANTS AT LENGTH ABOUT THINGS THAT WILL PROBABLY BE ADDRESSED WITHIN THE NEXT THREE PANELS”, anyway moving on

lmao for the record I fucking LOLed at this giant question mark immediately bubbling up over Deku’s head

no idea what AFO is about to ramble on about now, haven’t read that far yet. but let the record show that Deku’s immediate reaction to hearing “BTW NANA IS YOUR ARCHNEMESIS’S GRANDMA LULZ” is everything I could have hoped for

(ETA: fandom nailed the shit out of this one with the confused Mr. Krabs meme lmao.)

okay so now AFO is monologuing at length about how he would sometimes have “riveting dreams” about the previous owners of all the quirks he stole. but once he gave the quirks away they stopped bothering him?? holy moly let me just take all the notes

okay so he’s saying that Vestiges are created whenever someone has their quirk stolen by AFO. but if they then disappear when he gives the quirks away, does that also mean that whoever receives the quirks also gets the original owner’s Vestige bundled in every time?? that would be wild okay hold up let me read the rest of this

so he’s saying that the Vestiges are actually the “consciousnesses” of the original quirk owners, which have become embedded in their dna or something. SOUNDS INCREDIBLY DUBIOUS TO ME LOL but on the other hand this is a world where children can be born with airplane heads, so my disbelief can hardly afford to pick and choose what it’s gonna be suspended at! anyways though, how does he know he’s the only one who was able to converse with them? did you conduct detailed six-month follow-up interviews with everyone you gave quirks to or what

and if it really is the case that this ability was formerly exclusive to him, isn’t that more evidence than ever that OFA and AFO are actually THE EXACT SAME QUIRK oh whoops am I getting ahead of myself again, sorry

MEANWHILE TOMURA IS ALL, “GRANDMA?”

“WHY AM I HERE, WELL LET ME TELL YOU A STORY, GRANDSON. YOU SEE THAT MAN GROWING OUT OF YOUR RIBCAGE THERE? WELL IT’S JUST THE FUNNIEST THING, ACTUALLY”

WAIT SO IS HE SAYING THEY’RE SOULS OR NOT??

this makes it sound like they won’t ever get to rest, which sure sounds like a soul thing to me. well whatever, soul, consciousness, I guess it’s just semantics at the end of the day

anyways though, so this asshole is finally done talking (I’m sure that won’t last), so now we can finally have the heartwarming reunion we’ve all been waiting for

sigh

-- actually, no, not “sigh”!! you know what!! because Tomura says “whatever the reason”, but that’s only because he doesn’t actually have a fucking clue about the reason. like, I don’t know if the knowledge that AFO killed Nana would be enough to give him pause, but if he knew the whole story and knew that AFO was behind not only Nana’s death, but the rest of his family’s deaths as well... now that would be a whole different thing

anyway. but at least it’s becoming clearer now why AFO spent all that time raising Tomura up as his heir and brainwashing him even though he seems to have been planning this body takeover the whole time. it’s all because he loves making people miserable! yaaaaay

btw HAS NANA HAD THE EXACT SAME MOLE ON HER CHIN AS TOMURA THIS ENTIRE TIME WTF. am I just the least observant person who ever lived lmao

lol wtf

ground: [randomly starts exploding]

Deku: “ONE FOR ALL IS BEING ERODED!!!” LOL IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE, OKAY THEN. I’ll take your word for it

y’all I cannot fucking get over this “AFO growing out of Tomura’s hip socket like a fucked-up ventriloquist dummy” shit though

you do realize that absolutely no one can take you seriously right now, right?? it’s important to me that you know this

WHAT’S THIS NOW

seems like SOMEONE has had it up to here with a certain SOMEONE ELSE’S bullshit lmaooo bye Felicia

I SAID GOOD DAY!!

you guys why is he not dying!!

-- OH DAMN

love how Deku is just lying there like “YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU’RE LIKE, THIS MIGHT AS WELL HAPPEN.” poor Deku

(ETA: where in god’s name is OFA Prime standing. why are my thoughts fully consumed by this lmao.)

are Nana and OFA Prime even doing anything?? why are they sticking their arms out like that. wait hold up is this all a big metaphor for the back-and-forth going on between Tomura trying to steal OFA and OFA being all “actually no you can’t, please enter your password and click on all the boxes with bicycles in them to prove you’re a human first”?

OH SNAP OFA PRIME SAID NO THANKS

“SORRY BRO WE’VE ALREADY MADE OURSELVES AT HOME HERE”

I have only just noticed that metaphysical!Deku has the same scars as actual!Deku. and yet his arms are not currently broken! that doesn’t really seem consistent to me but whatever!! maybe he saved right before the boss battle, that would be smart of him

anyway, that’s great and all that OFA Prime is here helping out, but I really wanted to see Nana fight AFO in a one on one though so I’m a bit disappointed. also why is it only the two of them?? where are Banjou and the others. of all the times to be sleeping on the job

FOR FUCK’S SAKE, THIS MAN

WOULD YOU STOP. WOULD YOU JUST QUIT IT ALREADY

oh shit hold up

doesn’t this confirm that the reason he wanted to transfer his power to Tomura is because he believed it would make him strong enough to finally take OFA because of Quirk Singularity? jesus christ. and here he was so sure of himself. but it turns out he doesn’t actually know shit! you can’t just fucking take OFA like that ya dingdong that’s not how it works

(ETA: SO, A THOUGHT -- is there any sort of subtle hinting here in the way that he words this? “if your strength is combined with mine”, as opposed to “if my strength is combined with yours”? no idea if the admittedly-so-small-as-to-be-almost-inconsequential distinction between those two sentences exists in the original Japanese or not, but I find it very interesting that the English wording implies that he’s the one adding Tomura’s strength to his own, rather than vice versa.)

now he’s insulting Deku!!

excuse me sir WHO ASKED YOU anyway. and never mind that being consumed by an, AND I QUOTE, “unquenchable” rage is your protege’s whole THING, and that he also needed your help to avoid being burned to a crisp a short while ago. where do you get off I swear

(ETA: also just want to point out that in the panel before this one he says that he’s been “watching through Tomura”, which pretty much confirms that his consciousness or whatever is alive inside of him all the time. Tomura is definitely not getting rid of this guy any time soon.)

WOW

first he calls Kacchan useless, then he calls Deku a simpleton, and don’t even get me started with Nana. just, you guys. this man is just... a very, very rude man

NOW OFA IS ALL “THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT MAKES HIM SUCH A GOOD PROTAGNIST YOU BUTTMUNCH” AND OMG PREACH

“DESPITE HIS COMMON SENSE” sdfkllk my man he already has one brother roasting him, take it easy guy

AHH WHAT

IS THIS BACK IN THE REAL WORLD

YEP

hahaha nice try Tomura

so Deku’s all “I didn’t lose my power! BUT” and I assume the “but” is the part where his arms are still broken and shit, and meanwhile Tomura’s body is almost healed up now finally

they’re both wiped out and now AFO is again petitioning Tomura to let him take over goddammit

“you won’t lose your mind” yep, he sure won’t! scout’s honor!! pinky swear!!

meanwhile Deku is getting fucking desperate flkjl;k my baby. and Machia is going to show up any second now too, probably. what else can fucking go wrong at this point

oh shit I shouldn’t have asked

get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuumble, probably

OH MY GOD

WELL AT LEAST SOMEONE HERE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME. jesus

so as soon as he heard Endeavor was there he got all, “TIME FOR THE BIG REVEAL”, is that right? WELL JOKE’S ON YOU TOUYA, YOUR DAD DOESN’T SEEM ALL THAT CONSCIOUS AT THE MOMENT, SO THAT’S GOING TO DRAIN A LOT OF THE TENSION FROM THE SCENE WHEN YOU GO ALL REVERSE DARTH VADER ON HIM AND HE’S ALL “ZZZZZZZZ”

meanwhile Toga is having unsettlingly quiet angst

jesus christ Toga this is all we need right now

“WAS JIN-KUN NOT A PERSON” sdkfjlk Horikoshi I swear. please have mercy on this fandom. this is the debate that refuses to die!!

but seriously ffs, the issue isn’t that Jin deserved to die, it’s that the countless people whom Jin would have either directly or indirectly killed didn’t deserve to die either. people don’t only become people when you attach names and faces to them! we all loved Jin because we’d gotten to know him, but that doesn’t mean his life was inherently worth more than the lives of all the people he would have killed. sometimes there’s just no good answer

like, it’s just crazy to me that because the heroes are all “we want to protect everyone!” but then aren’t always able to do so because that’s literally impossible, whereas the villains are all “we don’t care about anyone other than the select few people that we actually like!”, the villains somehow wind up getting the better PR. it just so happens that it’s infinitely easier to be loyal to the interests of a few people as opposed to ALL THE PEOPLE. like, no shit, it’s easier to stick to your moral code when you barely have a moral code. and so the villains can kill thousands and no one bats an eye, but if a hero fails to save even one person they’re hypocritical moral failures. like what the hell

BUT ANYWAY, sorry to go off on a tangent there lol, it’s not really a big deal. I’m just preemptively trying to stave off more discourse about it lol but who am I even kidding

anyways lol, but of course they won’t kill you unless they have no choice, Toga. but when it comes to catch-22 situations, it’s a bit much to infer that the heroes don’t consider the villains people just because they opt for the choice that spares more innocent lives. I sure as hell don’t want my babies out here killing people, but to say that they can’t no matter what or else they’re no different from the villains is just...

anyway so the chapter has now just ENDED, just like that!! on a shot of Ochako’s face!

I SENSE ANOTHER THROWDOWN COMING. and it had better not be a total letdown like the last one! NANA BARELY DID ANYTHING HORIKOSHI, WHAT THE FUCK. I started out with such high hopes lol

but I will settle for Toga VS Ochako, and Deku VS Tomura: The Sequel: Shouto’s Revenge! SPEAKING OF HEROES WHO HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT MURDERING PEOPLE lmao

[sokkas-honour]

hii if ur taking requests can i get a zuko x reader where they get into an argument & they dont talk to each other for sometime but then they make up & its just angsty & super fluffy? also can it be when zuko's firelord? thank u!!

ofc you can! hopefully this works :) it’ll be a two parter

The ember island failures: part one - zuko x reader

summary : zuko and you had been growing slighty apart from all his duties as firelord. in order for him to catch a break as well as spend more time with you, you both planned a trip to ember island months ago but what happens when the avatar shows up stating he had a diplomatic trip with the firelord planned the same day you’re set to leave

wc : 1.8k

notes/warnings: i tried to make this as gender neutral as possible but didnt know how to switch out firelady to it being gender neutral so i apoligise. i use a curse word here and there but thats about it. stay tune for two though!!

part two

taglist (always open) : @draqondance @biqherosix

you woke up, excitement cursing through your veins as you immediately remembered what was happening today, you were heading to ember island with your boyfriend to finally have some time alone to relax, away from all of the problems in the world for just a few days. your excitement dimmed a bit as you realised zuko was long out of bed but it didn’t matter, you’d have him all to yourself later today.

you finished packing a couple of things, even taking the time to make zuko’s bag so that he didn’t have another responsibility on top of everything he already has to deal with. your excitement was still going strong as you gently put a couple of bathing suits into your bag. once you were done, you called a nearby servant that you adored to bring the bags to the airship.

your smile and happiness filled the nearby palace corridors, making nearby servants and guards chuckle as it had been a while since they’d seen anyone in the palace seem so carefree. you made your way to the kitchen and asked the cook if you could have a fruit tart and of course he gave it to you, you had always been so nice to him and his staff, constantly complimenting the food, they couldn’t wait for you to finally become firelady.

munching on a fruit tart, you made your way to the courtyard where zuko and you met each morning if he’d awoken long before you. you waited patiently while watching the baby turtle ducks splash around making you smile at how adorable they were. suddenly, you heard a voice that you recognised but it wasn’t the raspy one you loved but the chirpy voice of the young avatar.

“y/n! it’s so good to see you!” he exclaimed while walking towards you, turning your head to meet his gaze you grinned. it had been a couple of months since you’d seen your friends with whom you’d traveled the world with in order to defeat the old firelord. though his presence did confuse you.

“aang! it’s been so long!” you met him half way and embraced him in a hug, god it had been a while.

“it has, it really has. i’m sorry that i can’t talk for awhile, appa has become a bit impatient these days but hopefully we can catch up on him while we see how yu dao is going! speaking of that, any idea where zuko is?” he chirped. his words bright and cheery confused you, since when were you and zuko going to yu dao? you were both supposed to leave for a couples getaway to ember island, not a diplomatic trip to the ex colonies.

before you got to ask your friend about what the hell he was talking about, you saw the love of your life from over his shoulder.

“aang! it’s so great to see you!” his sweet, slightly raspy, voice beamed. his facial expressions all showed the sheer amount of happiness that the firelord felt to finally see a friend of his that he’d been away from for awhile. with greeting aang on his mind, zuko didn’t notice the look of confusion on his partner’s face.

the airbender turned around, his back now facing you, in order to embrace his close friend.

“there you are! how was the fire nation been since i last saw you two?” aang asked after they separated from their hug. he had directed the question to the both of you but you were still confused as to what was going on to even bother to answer the question but apparently your face didn’t express your current feeling as your usually attentive boyfriend hadn’t looked at you in any way other than just happiness. he even made his way next to you, placed an arm around your waist and gently kissed your forehead as a way to say good morning.

“it’s been worse that’s for sure.” he joked nervously, not wanting the avatar to be worried. both boys turned to you for your answer but were met with silence until you realised they were waiting for you to speak.

“yeah, it has.” you absentmindedly said but quickly composed yourself as to not alert the benders near you. you added on to your response in a more cheery and reading manner. “firelord business has been stealing this boy from me.”

all three of you nervously laughed.

“we should probably start heading out, appa’s been a bit impatient these last couple of days so i don’t want to keep him waiting for too long.” aang was the first to speak, urging the couple to bring their stuff into the flying bison.

“i’ve already told a guard to bring my bags to the barn, i just need to double check something with a general and i’ll meet you out there.” zuko informed him and removed his hand from your waist. he turned around but before he could even make a step, you grabbed his wrist to stop and interrogate him.

“when did you plan this trip to yu dao?” you asked rather harshly as his head turned to face you in order to hear what you wanted to say.

“aang wrote to me about two weeks ago in order to check on how they’re doing ever since they’ve been left to do their own thing. didn’t i tell you about this the other day.” he turned his body around completely to face you.

“no, you haven’t told me anything zuko. we haven’t had more than ten minutes to each other in so long!” you exclaimed and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he was so sure he’d told you about it.

“i’m sorry then, i genuinely thought it’d told you. now, if you don’t mind i’m gonna go to general ikoso to make sure that he’s got everything under control. then i’ll come back to say goodbye okay?” he reasoned with you, eyes darting to your grip on his wrist, trying to make you get the hint to just move on and let him do his job.

“don’t you even remember what today was supposed to be? or are you stupid enough to forget about it?” you asked accusingly, removing your grip rather aggressively.

“hey guys, i’m just gonna go wait by appa. y/n, it was to see you, zuko, i’ll see you by appa.” the airbender awkwardly said trying to get out of the area, not wanting to see any sort of fight between his friends. you felt a bit guilty about bringing this up while aang was around but you couldn’t bother to wait.

“that’s fine aang, youre good.” you turned your head briefly to give him a small smile before he rushed out awkwardly and turned back to your boyfriend.

“no y/n, last time i checked it wasn’t our anniversary, it isn’t your birthday or mine. believe me, i would never forget those even when i’m swamped with work.” zuko smiled warmly reassuring you which just made you even madder.

“you’re right, you didn’t because i would be even more pissed at you.” you calmed down a little making him chuckle a bit at your statement. you continued.

“you forgot about the fact that we’ve been planning a trip to ember island for months!” your anger and annoyance came back, completely ditching the softer tone you’d taken just a second ago.

you watched as his face went from a simple smile to confusion, to realisation to then regret and embarrassment.

“shit, i completely forgot we even planned that, it’s fine we can reschedule.” he asked for forgiveness while attempting to reason with you, if only he knew that it only pissed you off.

“no we can’t zuko! i’ve been prepping for this for months! it was a time for us to finally see each other because you’re never around! i understand you have duties as a firelord, believe me, i agreed to deal with all of this when i followed you to the fire palace after ozai. but you also agreed to make time for me! and guess what? you’ve completely neglected me for the last couple of weeks!” you vented, your voice getting louder and louder as you continued.

“y/n-”

“no! listen to me! not only have you been neglecting me but you have also been neglecting yourself! you wake up before me and go to bed after me, so not only do i not see you, you’re barely getting any sleep zuko! you’re tiring yourself out, i can see it, aang probably saw it, hell everyone who works in this stupid palace can see it! you’re gonna hurt yourself and you keep denying to open up to me or even just relax!” you interrupted him, not wanting him to interrupt you before you finished. your tone switched from accusing to just pleading after you took a breath. “you promised me this trip! you promised yourself this trip! two weeks, that’s all i’m asking for zuko! everyone in this damn place was ready to take over while we enjoyed time together, something we haven’t experienced in months. please zuko, i’m sure aang would understand.”

his eyes had averted from your gaze a while ago and was just staring at the ground, trying to figure out what to say to his partner that as he personally believed was in the right but he just couldn’t take a break now. him cancelling a diplomatic mission could come to hurt him later but he knew that aang could deal with it.

you stared at him while his gears were turning, your right hand had suddenly placed itself on his upper left arm to add to the fact that you were pleading him to understand your point of view.

he lifted his head and stepped back, making you drop your hand to your side and search for his gaze to try and anticipate what he was going to say.

“seeing how yu dao is going is more important than a stupid little trip y/n.” he harshly stated, his usually warm gaze turned rather cold which took you aback. you swallowed literally and figuratively the information, taking in your boyfriend neglecting the trip that had planned months ago, his mental and physical health, and your relationship together.

“well zuko, if you feel that way, i guess i’ll see you in two weeks. believe me, my trip wouldn’t have been any different than my every day life.” you replied, your tone matching his before sharply turning on your heals and left towards the docking area before he could even reply.

zuko watched you leave, realisation washing over him at his words as you were out of his eyesight.

“damnit, how stupid could i be?” zuko cursed under is breath, head leaning slightly on his arms. he took a deep breath and made his way to the stables where he assumed appa was with his head down in shame. he just hopped that when you saw each other again everything would be forgotten.

[serendipitous-posts]

Sacrifice you for nothing

Tubbo and Ranboo get a history lesson

title from Ain’t No Crying by Derivakat

"Damn" Tubbo says, staring up at the ceiling. "That chandelier really is fighting you every step of the way, huh?"

"And it's winning" Ranboo adds.

Foolish, hanging from the ceiling as he fixes the corner piece, glares down at him. "It is not winning" he hisses "I won't let it win." That declaration would have been a lot more solid had he not squeaked as the chandelier rocked dangerously.

If that fell and broke he would actually lose it.

Tubbo has no mercy for him. "You must hate that chandelier right now" he mocks "must be your least favourite thing in the world."

 "Nah" Foolish grips a small chunk of gold carefully in his teeth to avoid breaking it "that would be cults" he mumbles. There's a brief bit of quiet below and then;

 "Oh yeah, I heard that the Eggpire wrecked your buildings or something."

 Chandelier finally fixed (for now) Foolish drops to the floor, a fall that would have shattered anyone elses ankles but just leaves him slightly winded. "Nah" he says "I've run into cults before; one's way worse than this one."

 "Worse?!" Ranboo exclaims "worse than the parasitic chicken embryo?!"

 "Far worse" Foolish confirms body language completely relaxed despite such a dark topic

 (but outside the seas begin to froth and bubbles, rapids forming and pushing and pulling, crashing against teeth sharp rocks and punching away at the cliffs surrounding it.)

 "they seem to keep popping up wherever I go. I-

 (hate them hates them with everything he is and everything he is supposed to be divine blood in his body but he can't save them can't protect everyone can't heal everything some things can't be reversed)

 "really don't like them. They suck."

(I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so so sorry, I can take your broken pieces and stitch them back, back together and it won't be the same but it will be similar and that is all I can give you)

 (the totem in Ranboo's back pocket begins to burn)

 "I'll say" Tubbo agrees, then, with childlike curiosity and teenage macabre "which one would would you say is the worst?"

  Foolish falls still.

(the sea falls still. the totems stop burning.)

 (it is somehow worse)

 "Probably the one made for me" he says at last.

 The story goes like this; there's a village that prays to him daily. It's not that uncommon really; he's the God of the Ocean and the Undead. People pray to him for safe passage on the seas or to help them find a totem.

 But the people in this village are- to put it bluntly- really fucking annoying.

 It's not uncommon for people without totems to pray to him for hours on end, begging him to revive their loved ones, but these guys have turned it into an art form, any and all hours of the day, banging around in his head.

 And when words don't work, they turn to physical ways to show their devotion to their God. 

 Silly little mortals, trying to gain his favour with dead animals and trinkets, trying to gain his favour. He already gave them a way to cheat death, all they have to do is grab a totem. Why do they want another?

 They have all they need to survive. He painstakingly carved those totems. He will not give too much of himself.

 (lord foolish please my mother is gone i want her back lord foolish you can bring my husband back lord foolish fix this fix her i know you can)

 So he ignores the animal sacrifices and the pretty trinkets offered to him in exchange for reviving a daughter, a son, a wife, a husband. He cannot revive the long dead, he learned that a long time ago.

 The only real bearable one in the village is the child, and he doesn't even think the child knows what he is the God of, really, which is odd considering the inordinate amount of statues in the town. Whenever the child prays to Foolish, it's never about a dead loved one or the sea, it's always about what the child did that day. Foolish feels more like a diary than a God in those moments.

 And at least that's interesting

 (mister foolish i learned how to spell flower the other day f-l-o-u-u-e-r mister foolish i saw a dead cat on the side of the road the other day)

 (mister foolish are you ever lonely)

 The humans grow more and more frustrated with his complete and utter radio silence, and while he's out their festivals to him grow more and more complex, the animals growing bigger, rarer, more impressive.

 (i offer you this ender dragon egg this elytra this nether star this emerald ore this music disc)

 He's not gonna lie; the person who built that beautiful cottage had him for a solid minute.

 But he's not really paying attention to any of that; he's not the only God to have festivals and sacrifices in his name. Definitely not gonna be the last.

 (what do we have to do to bring back our loved ones?)

 He's just happy to build.

 Bargaining is a stage of grief, but so is acceptance, and they must learn to accept this.

 (except their not accepting it, the town is just growing angrier, more desperate, going bigger and bigger, hunting animals around them to extinction.)

 The first time they kill a human, he's pretty sure it's an accident. An old man, long past his time, probably just died from shock or disease.

 They put his body on the altar and offer him up to him, not to revive but as a sacrifice. He arrives, cloaked in illusions as thick as the fog around the town. He still sees Death though, watching sedately from where she's sitting on the wall, her angel beside her.

 They're gone in the next moment.

 The town never buries the old man, keeps him on the altar, and, after three days, Foolish takes him, takes him far away to an old field and buries him there.

 (the leader of the town finds the missing body and smiles. their god has accepted their gift)

 He hopes it's a one time thing

 (because what did they do to that man how could they these humans these ants small and painfully easy to kill but flocking together working together how could they turn on one of their own)

 (because what would he do then?)

 (after the man disappears from the altar, the child prays to him again, telling him the man's name, and how he once stopped the child from getting a rash from poisonous flowers. he liked violets the child tells him)

 (maybe the child really does know what he's the god of. maybe the child's just lonely.)

 He doesn't know what exactly triggered it. Maybe they saw the child trying to make conversation with a God instead of praying to one. Maybe the child, in the way all children are, said something controversial, maybe about the man who was left on the altar to rot.

 Maybe, maybe, maybe.

 He isn't there when the child is dragged out onto the streets, and dumped at the feet of the altar in front of the whole town, trembling and shaking. And the child is a child but is no fool, has seen the sacrifices has seen what has happened, and does what any scared child will do-try to run.

 And at the same time the child tried to back away, the leader swung his sword, and the whole town watched as the child screamed, eyes bloodied and slashed from the blade. 

 (he had been aiming for the neck)

 (not a fighter, that leader)

 "A life for a life!" The leader exclaimed and swung again.

 (the child collapsed on the floor and the crowd pressed in, eager to watch as they choked and gagged on the blood spilling out of their torn open throat, arms scrabbling into the ground like a beetle like a cockroach like an ant whose colony had turned on it)

 And- and then-

 And at the same time the child tried to back away and the leader swung his sword, the child had had one last panicked, desperate thought.

 (mister foolish, they're gonna kill me)

 And at the same time-

 And at the same time the leader slit the child's throat, a golden clawed hand grabbed him by his.

 "So yeah" Foolish says. "Cults are, like, the worst."

 Ranboo and Tubbo continue to stare at him. "Uh" Ranboo says, then promptly stops talking.

 "Did you . . kill them?" 

 He nods, bouncing on his feet a little. "Yeah" he smiles "good times."

 The two teenagers both look like they don't know what to do with that.

 "Well, at least they deserved it" Tubbo offers up attentively, and Ranboo nods

 "Can't believe they executed a child. Nobody deserves to die like that" Ranboo mutters and Tubbo winces beside him.

 "Y-yeah" Tubbo agrees nervously, twining his hands together "that poor kid. Hope it was peaceful."

 Foolish blinks at them. "Wait, what?" Then he replays their entire conversation and laughs.

 "Laughing at a kid's death" Ranboo notes, before turning to Tubbo "why are we letting him near Michael again."

 "No, no" Foolish waves his hands "you misunderstood me; the child didn't die."

 "You guys do remember I'm the God of Undying, right?" He raises an eyebrow at them both. "I healed the kid's neck wound right up." Ranboo just blinks at him in that slightly unsettling way that only an enderman can do.

 "I thought you didn't revive people personally."

 Foolish glances outside, past the both of them. "This was different" he says "this was-"

 (my fault my fault i turned a blind eye i could have stopped this sooner you choked and gagged and cried out for anyone to save you but in the end the motivation for your murder had to step in.)

 "-an exception."

 "Good for you!" Tubbo cheers, shooting his hands in the air vehemently "the whole stinking town is gone and you and the child lived!"

 Foolish makes a noise in the back of his throat. "Except the other towns had heard about the towns rituals. And it began to spread."

 Tubbo's hands drop. "Oh."

 "Yeah" he agrees "oh. But the worst part was the damage done to the child."

 "Let me guess" Ranboo says, dry as Egypt. "Traumatised?"

 "To put it mildly."

 (the child had turned blind eyes towards him, and when he had reached out to grasp the pudgy hand it had recoiled, the small body curling up away from him and he had burned)

 (the child hadn't seen or felt the tsunami that destroyed the entire town. but the screams- they had ears)

 "But uh" he shifts awkwardly from foot to foot "not just that. I'm the God of Undying, so I can heal other's mortal injuries."

 A long pause.

 "Their mortal injuries" he repeats.

 "Oh!" Tubbo jerks back "oh God! The child's eyes-"

 "I healed them" he says, then winces "tried to heal them" he corrects. Better. "But uh, because they weren't fatal they weren't exactly, uh, restored."

 (the mirror is broken and the cracks will show even when it's put back together and you'll never see the same way again my fault my fault i'm sorry i'm so so so sorry)

(this is all i can give you i am so sorry only child lonely child i cant take all you pain away but i promise you here and now you will be lonely no more)

"Damn." The closest Ranboo will ever get to a swear.

 "It gets worse" Foolish chirps "the other towns found out that a child had been blessed by the Totem God himself. Were very interested in what exactly this child could do."

 A long pause.

 Then. "Cults" Ranboo says faintly.

 "Cults" Foolish agrees cheerfully, thinking of a child screaming in agony with bloodstained eyes and a gashed throat as others looked on, indifferent.

 Cults Foolish thinks grimly as that same child is dragged up to be executed by the Eggpire.

[spideywhites]

Hey spidey

Totally waiting for an update from u

For the prompts thing please tell me about Toshiro or Kousei in regards to:

🌍, 🤝, 💍, 💀, ✨, 📚, 😍 , 😇

Any and all of them will do.

[ 🌎 ] are there any aus you have for your muse? what are they like, and how is your muse different in them?

oh, tons. i always end up making AUs for literally every OC that i make, but usually i keep that in my head. they come around because i get super attached to an OC and want to fit them in everywhere!! for Toshiro, i have the general Konoha High School AU, Mythos AU, soulmate AU, ABO AU, and alternate meeting AU.

Konoha High School AU: nurse Toshiro ! honestly... he's probably just less traumatized and more happy-go-lucky. Mythos AU I've done a little one-shot about, with dryad Toshiro. Soulmate AU is . . . interesting, because it doesn't go as you'd expect. But i'm not going to say more on that just yet, in case i actually go through with making a little mini-fic for it. ABO AU is about Alpha Kakashi and Omega Toshiro being absolutely not the norm for their dynamics, and Toshiro being a late-presenting omega who is already halfway through his reforms when it hits, causing a whole new slew of political upheaval for the initially presumed beta. (honestly, might write a little thing about this too, but i shouldn't get ahead of myself lol) as for the alternate meeting au, it's mostly where they meet early on during the third shinobi war, when they're both actively child soldiers. trauma bonding? hm.

[ 🤝 ] how does your muse approach intimacy? are they hesitant, or do they like it? what types of intimacy do they like and dislike? (ex. physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc.)

toshiro is . . . simultaneously direct and nervous, depending on the type. he is very warm-hearted, but lawful (in a sense) and takes great stock in morality. he's comfortable with physical intimacy with children (hugs, holding hands, general paternal care) and close friends, otherwise he's not . . . touchy? or rather just uncomfortable with prolonged touch from strangers or people he doesn't feel close to. he'll tell you directly that he's uncomfortable, and maybe even give you a lecture on good-touch bad-touch lol. sexual intimacy is exclusive to his partner. he's not one for flings, as he doesn't feel exceptionally sexual impulses towards those he's not close to. emotional intimacy has to be the most complex.... he's very open with children, showing care and love with relative ease. if he feels like he's grown close to someone, he's not afraid to open up to them. he can be nervous and procrastinate for a time, but he always ends up as the type to make the first moves. not exactly 'heart on the sleeve', but is willing to jump when he comes to the edge.

[ 💍 ] does your muse have a “type” of people that they prefer to enter relationships with? is their type generally compatible with them, or does the dynamic tend to be toxic?

toshiro will say he doesn't have a type, but he definitely does! it's not exceptionally particular, but he's certainly more attracted to people who are 1) tall, 2) the type he can sit in quiet with, 3) independent, 4) have nice arms.

in most cases, he's pretty compatible with his 'type', though the variety of personalities you can get who also possess those four qualities is pretty huge. luckily he's very straightforward and oddly centered, so he will call out toxic behavior when he sees it and is unlikely to enter a relationship with someone before analyzing every facet of them and how they would work with him.

[ 💀 ] has your muse gone through anything traumatic? if so, how has this trauma affected them?

as a child soldier, you could say he went through... a bit of trauma. he was forced through a rigorous training schedule that he barely passed, considered a statistic, and thrown onto the battlefield where at most he was expected to serve as fodder or a distraction for better nin to use to their advantage. he was the sole survivor more than once, moved around and placed on multiple teams to fill space, and made to carry the bodies of other child shinobi back. obviously this still affects him mentally, but he used a lot of the accompanying rage to put a plan in motion and twist the world into something better.

[ ✨ ] what aesthetics or symbols do you reference when writing your muse? are these backed up by canon, if your muse comes from a canon? is there any specific relevance to these choices?

pale gold / rose / peach / crimson / ink & parchment / plants / the scent of rubbing alcohol / white / the sun & stars / soft kimonos / red piercings / warmth / spring / autumn

i use constant reference to these as a way to describe him and make him feel more .. . in the moment? like his presence is actually taking up space in the scene.

[ 📚 ] what books does your muse have on their bookshelf? what books would they like to have? if your muse isn’t an avid reader, is there anything they collect or might like to collect?

a few fuuinjutsu for beginners scrolls, heaps and heaps of medical texts, some cheesy romance novels, guilty pleasure enemies to lovers books. he doesn't have a lot of time to read for fun, so most of his bookshelves are stocked to the brim with reading material concerning his craft.

[ 😍 ] does your muse believe in true love? why or why not?

n ot . . . exactly. he thinks love is something you have to both feel and think about. you have to work for it, with it, and around it. he's not sure there's a true definition of true love when there are so many types, kinds, and versions that work better for different individuals. if everything with kakashi works out and they grow old together, he'd consider kakashi his true love, the love that worked out best for him. in short, he really thinks too much to believe in the unanalyzed concept, and he doesn't believe in 'love at first sight'... because that's just attraction.

[ 😇 ] what would your muse do if they became a god?

probably keep moving the same as he always does, unless he god powers give him better healing abilities. then he'd go around the countries fixing people up and trying to stop wars. essentially goes back to his original goal of ending child death in shinobi ranks. he's not fond of being a solo leader tbh.

[spine-buster]

t h e  c o l o u r  o f  a  c o n s t e l l a t i o n  | elias pettersson

Summary: Life comes at you in moments.  Elias and Svea are on solid ground now.  Back in Vancouver after an idyllic time in Sweden, they are faced with personal decisions that will affect their future together – both on separate and different paths professionally, though personally their connection is stronger than ever.  Many things are up in the air, but one thing that Svea and Elias know for sure is that they will always be together.  So how hard could those decisions be?

Word Count: 15k

A/N:  This is the final part of “The Space Series” although there will be an epilogue (because this bitch loves an epilogue).  It’s a bit more piece-y than I wanted it to be, but at the end of the day I’m still proud of it and I hope you enjoy!  We need more Petey love around here!

PART ONE - MADE OF OUTER SPACE  //  PART TWO - LIPS LIKE THE GALAXY’S EDGE

Svea got the text message from Grace while she was in class.  I’m here to pick you up.  Don’t ask questions.  And don’t check your notifications.

Svea did as she was told, but that didn’t mean that her heart wasn’t beating out of her chest as she left her seminar room and saw Grace’s Porsche at the bottom of the steps of the building.  When she approached, Grace reached over and opened the car door.  “What’s going on?” she asked, sliding into the passenger’s seat and clutching her messenger bag against her chest.

“The stupid media picked up your stupid boyfriend saying he has a girlfriend on a stupid camera, and now it’s everywhere,” Grace explained in an annoyed voice, signalling to rejoin the road.  She was very clearly annoyed, judging by how fast she rejoined the other cars and by the rev of her engine.  “You know, for such a quiet guy he’s got a big mouth.”

“And how do they know it’s me?”  Svea knew how stupid that question sounded the millisecond after it left her mouth.  She and Grace gave each other the exact same knowing look, one that said absolutely everything that needed to be said between the two of them.  It began happening as they grew closer, and now, it happened almost all the time.  “Never mind.  Why can’t I check my notifications?”

“Because God knows what’s going on in your DMs right now,” Grace warned.  “Anyways, what do you want to do?  Go shopping?  Go for a manicure?  How about we go for a manicure so you can’t check your phone.”

Svea couldn’t help but laugh.  She knew Grace was protective – had been since that night she came over to Elias’s place with Pippa and Svea was making sausage stroganoff – but this was taking it to a whole other level.  “Do you think it would be that bad?”

“If it’s anything like what I got from Brock’s fan club, then yeah, it’s pretty awful,” Grace said.  “And I’m serious – manicures?  You’re going to have to start getting them regularly if you want to be a hot shot lawyer,” she winked.  “Or, I don’t know, the speechwriter for Chrystia Freeland or Justin Trudeau.  Whatever you choose.”

***

When Svea walked into hers and Elias’s apartment later that day, after she’d been pampered with some Starbucks, a manicure, and a pedicure, and even a cheeky mimosa by Grace, she found Elias lying down on the couch scrolling through his phone.  She put down her bag in its usual spot before walking over to him and lying on top of him without warning.  After an entire day without him, she wanted to get close to him, to feel every inch of him.  

Elias smiled as she nestled into him, ditching his phone and paying complete attention to her.  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her towards him.  When he kissed her, she sighed into the kiss, knowing that she was home and in her favourite place: the place where she felt the warmest, the most protected, the happiest she ever could feel – in his arms, of course.  And as they continued kissing on the couch, not bothering to stop for air – because really, who needed air when you were kissing the love of your life? – Elias shifted their bodies so Svea was on her back, and he was on his side perching himself up with one arm while the other snuck under her button-up shirt.  With his hand gliding against her bare skin and his tongue down her throat, Svea moaned slightly.  Elias took the opportunity to start unbuttoning her shirt to expose her bra.

“Elias…” she breathed out.

“Shhh…” he kissed along her jawline and down her neck.  His hand groped her breast.  He pushed the fabric of the cup down and began kissing along the curve of her breast until he reached her nipple, sucking on it gently.  Her back arched up to him.  “I missed you,” he finally hummed.  

“I was gone for eight hours,” she huffed out as she felt his tongue slip along her skin.  Her breath hitched in her throat as she felt him move towards her other breast.  She was gone at least a few hours some days because of classes, so it wasn’t like her absence was out of the ordinary.

“Too long.”  He sucked on her other breast.  When he heard her moan again, he kissed a trail back up to her lips.  Eventually, he grabbed at her wrist – the one wearing the bracelet he got her in Stockholm – and placed a kiss on the inside of it tenderly.  She was trembling by the loss of his lips on her skin, but she smiled at the gesture.  “Hello pretty girl,” he cooed playfully.  

“You’re the worst,” she huffed again, annoyed this time.  

“How was your day?”

She couldn’t believe she was sprawled out on their couch with her shirt unbuttoned and her bra pushed down with her breasts exposed and Elias was asking her how her day was.  He was playing a game and she knew it.  “Besides the fact that I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life?  Fine,” she said.  “How was your day?  I heard microphones are really strong these days.”

Elias closed his eyes and groaned.  He buried his head in her chest and shook his head.  “I’m sorry.  I’m an idiot sometimes.  Brock told me that for such a quiet guy I have a big mouth.”

Svea snorted at the reference.  For all that Grace and Brock liked to say Svea and Elias were the same person, she and Brock were astoundingly similar as well.  “Grace said that too.”

“Well, you know how they are,” he said, resting his chin against her chest, in the space between her breasts.  

Svea ran her fingers through his hair.  “It’s fine, Elias.”

“Is it though?” he asked, worried.  “I don’t want anybody to bother you.  Not now, not ever.  But especially this year when you have so much to figure out.”

“They’ll just be noise.  They’re not a part of my life,” she assured him.  “Not like you.”

Elias sighed, moving up and nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.  He inhaled sharply, smelling her scent that he loved so much.  She smelled like everything he loved about her – flowers; vanilla; lavender; the saltwater waves of the Baltic Sea crashing again the Swedish shore; the crisp Swedish air during an early morning, though now it was later in the day and they were in downtown Vancouver.  She was magic to him, made of the moon and stars, and he wanted to keep her safe and happy as much as possible now that it was out in the open, however unwillingly, due to his big mouth.  “I love you,” he mumbled.

“I love you too,” she said easily.  Easily because she knew – it was the only thing she was certain about in life these days.  “Can you do me a favour?”

“What’s that?”

“Can you keep using your tongue, Elias?” she asked boldly, a small smirk playing on her face.  She was getting more confident with all of this – not just their new situation, but the activities that accompanied their new situation.  She felt safe and listened to and respected and catered to whenever she was in bed with Elias, always satisfied.  Elias, for his part, was also getting more confident with everything.  

“Oh?” he arched his brow at her words.  “Keep using my tongue, eh?”

“Eh?  Canada’s really getting to you.”

“Mmm,” he mumbled, kissing her chest.  “Let’s git er done,” he put on an accent.

Svea burst out laughing, shaking her head and pushing him away like she was disgusted with him as he tried to continue to kiss her.  She began wiggling to get out of his grip.  “Nooooo no no no no, not after you said that with that accent!”  She knew his teammates were responsible for that bit of lingo coupled with the accent, and while it was hilarious, she wasn’t exactly happy with it.  She knew Elias would use it constantly now.  

“Come ooonnn!” he begged, laughing and grabbing at her body so she wouldn’t wiggle away.

“We lost the moment the second you put on that accent!”

>< >< >< >< ><

Svea loved the UBC campus.  It was so beautiful, with enough old buildings to make it feel regal but enough new buildings to make it feel modern.  And the trees – God, the trees – the campus was full of lush trees, so many and so close to the water.  When she was stressed, she could always take a walk down the coast and admire the Pacific Ocean, the mountains in the distance, and the crisp British Columbia air.  After being at UBC for going on four years now, she understood why her mother loved it here so much; why it was so hard for her to give up when she moved to Sweden to be with Svea’s dad; why she constantly talked about it growing up, like it was some magical place not fit for the real world.  Svea understood now.  She thought the same things.  She didn’t think she’d ever be lucky enough to experience the things that her mother did growing up in Vancouver, but she did; she got that experience now, in university, with her own love of her life.

Despite all the stress in her life and the looming decisions she had to make, she at least had that: Elias, the love of her life.

As she grabbed her coffee from the barista and made her way to the seminar room, where she’d spend two hours learning about global uprisings, she thought about the decision she’d have to make this year.  On the one hand, she could go to law school – another three years of school, articling, and then pass the bar (all hopefully in British Columbia), and then she could join a firm or open her own.  She was already prepped and signed up to write the LSAT.  On the other hand, she could apply to the Masters of Public Policy and Global Governance program – another year and a half of school, gain her Masters, and then hopefully work in politics, but in the background, like a chief of staff or a senior advisor or even a speechwriter.  She had all the prerequisites and knew she could get in.  

But which one did she want to do?

Svea settled into her seat beside her friend Devansh, greeting him with pleasant conversation while taking out her laptop, notebook, and textbook, flipping it open to the chapter that she knew the professor would be lecturing about.  Her big decision seemed to be the only thing she thought about these days besides Elias.  But the more she thought about it, the more stressed she got.  And the more stressed she got, the more—

“So, like, you’re dating Elias Pettersson?” her friend Francesca asked as she plopped down into the seat beside her dramatically.  Instead of grabbing her notebook and laptop out of her bag like she usually did, she was intently focused on Svea who was sipping on her coffee innocently.  

“Wait – Elias Pettersson, like from the Vancouver Canucks?” Devansh perked up once he heard the name being tossed around.  “That can’t be…that’s not…no.”

“Wow, Dev,” Svea deadpanned.

“Wait – you are?” his eyebrows raised.

“H-How did you know?” Svea focused back on Francesca, still perky, still not taking out her laptop, still not taking out her notebooks.  

“So apparently Petey said something on camera?  And this journalist from the Vancouver Sun, like, scoured his Instagram and his tagged photos and found your profile kept popping up tagged in pictures with him, so the two and two were put together, and there’s an article about it on their website today!  It came up as a notification on my phone!” Francesca held up her phone as if it was still there.  It wasn’t – it was full of Snapchat notifications, but the point still stood.  “I mean, they’re right, aren’t they?  Svea Nilsson…you are dating Elias Pettersson?”

Svea was mortified.  Elias had the common sense to just say he had a girlfriend out loud, not broadcast her name for the microphones to pick up too, but they’d found her profile anyway – by stalking his, essentially.  She thought things would die down, especially because her profile had always been private, and though she did get some intense DMs like Grace knew she would, there wasn’t a bombardment and she’d just deleted them all without looking at them.  Now that her name was published in a newspaper, she had an entirely new problem on her hands.

She noticed Dev and Francesca were still waiting for an answer.  “I…yeah, I’m dating him,” she said meekly, not wanting to say too much.

“How did you even meet him?” Francesca asked.  “I mean, no offence, but you don’t exactly come out with us a lot.”

“He’s my childhood best friend,” she said, immediately putting an end to the notion that she’d met him at some bar.  “I…I grew up with him.  We’ve been best friends since we were three and he essentially followed me to Vancouver because I came here first.  He’s the person I live with and—”

“Wait – you live with him?!” Dev was shocked at her revelation.  Svea was always pretty secretive of why she never moved into a place near campus after first year, and always eluded questions as to how she was able to afford a pricey apartment in Yaletown.  Now he knew.  “You live with him and that’s why you live in Yaletown?”

“Yeah.  We…” she stopped herself, not wanting to reveal too much.  “It’s…I’m dating him, okay?”

“Svea, this is huge,” Francesca’s tone was a mix of serious and excited.  

Francesca said it as if Svea didn’t know how much of a big deal it was that she was dating the biggest star on the Vancouver Canucks.  Svea knew how much of a big deal it was.  Clearly.  If people from newspapers were stalking Elias’s profile to see who she was, it was a big deal.  It was just that, Elias, as a person, wasn’t a big deal to her.  He was her best friend.  He wasn’t the star first line centre.  “Yeah, I know.”

“Massive,” Dev commented too.  “Well I’m happy for you if you’re happy, Svea.”

“Secure that bag, girl,” Francesca quipped.

Before Svea’s jaw dropped, and before her brain could function to say anything to Francesca, their professor walked into the room and greeted the class loudly, thus ending their conversation.  He almost immediately started lecturing.  

Svea began typing, and Francesca was scrambling to get everything out of her bag.

>< >< >< >< ><

“It’s ready, pretty girl,” Elias called from the kitchen as he finished stirring the pasta in its sauce.  He looked over at Svea sitting at the dining room table, head in a giant textbook that looked menacing to him.  She looked so concentrated and focused on what she was reading, but when she heard his voice, she looked up momentarily.  She let out a loud sigh.  

Elias remembered back to the summer, back in Sweden, when they went to Emma Gardner’s dinner party and he was intimidated by Soren’s supposed ‘smarts’ and how emotional he got by it all the next morning.  When they came back to Vancouver and Svea began her last year of university, he wanted to change things.  As much as they resolved the issue right then and there, he knew he needed to do more – and he was willing to do more.  He was making a big effort to be in the know – not exactly to understand everything she was studying, but to at least know what it was.  Now that he was with Svea, he wasn’t the most important person in his life anymore – it was her.  He needed her to know that.  He made sure to show it to her every day, through his actions, his words, and his priorities when he was away from hockey.  

When he brought the plates over, he wouldn’t set hers down in front of her until she kissed him.  The textbook was cleared by then, off to the side where she didn’t have to look at it while she ate with him.  When they came back to Vancouver and she began her last year of university, she wanted to change things.  She made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t be distracted by school work during meals, especially meals with Elias.  She could tell Elias was making a huge effort to know more about her studies, and she wanted to reciprocate.  There was no way she wouldn’t put in the same effort he was into the relationship.  Now that she was with Elias, she wasn’t the most important person in her life anymore – it was him.  She needed him to know that.  She made sure to show it to him every day, through her actions, her words, and her priorities when she wasn’t engaging with school.  

“Everything okay?” he asked as he settled into his seat across from her after their kiss.

She nodded her head.  “Just reading about the Cuban Revolution.”

“Is it interesting?” he asked.

“Interesting enough,” she shrugged.  She began digging into her pasta in vodka sauce.  Now that Elias had finally mastered the art of cooking some pasta, and didn’t over or undercook it every time, she could enjoy him making dinner at least once or twice a week now.  Though the first time he cooked ravioli was an absolute fucking shit show (there was spinach and ricotta floating everywhere in the pot because he left them in too long and they all burst open), he’d gotten the hang of penne, spaghetti, and fettucine.  “How was the gym with Brock?”

“Same old,” he answered, eating his pasta.  “Grace told him how much you were screaming at the game the other night.”

Svea snorted.  She’s almost embarrassed herself by how much she was screaming and swearing.  She didn’t know what came over her.  “It was pretty bad.  I’m surprised she left with me, to be honest.  She wasn’t even that loud, and you know how she gets.”

“I can’t believe it took Vancouver to get you to scream at my games,” Elias quipped.

Svea laughed, but the comment panged her a little bit.  Growing up in Sweden, she was always at his games, but her head was, as Brigitte so lovingly put it, ‘always in a book instead of in his lap’.  It wasn’t that she didn’t care – because she did, she knew how much hockey meant to Elias – it was just that she had different interests.  But she was always there; she always supported him.  Suddenly, she wondered if that was enough.  “Did…did that make you mad?” she asked softly.

“Did what make me mad?”

“Me being quiet at your games growing up.  Me having a book in the stands and reading in between periods,” she said.  He knew because the girls told him as a means of gossip.  “Like, did you hate it?”

“Of course not,” he furrowed his brows.  “Why would I hate that?”

“I don’t know…”

“Svea, I hate nothing about you,” Elias said.  “Not even the fact that you’ve started to talk in your sleep sometimes.”

“I do not.”

“Yes you do.”

“Then what do I say?”

“Oooooh, Elias, right there.”

She kicked him underneath the table, but he was ready for it, grabbing her foot with his free hand.  “You’re an ass,” she sneered.

“So you don’t have wet dreams about me?”

“You wish,” she stuck her tongue out like a child, causing him to smile and laugh.  

“For what it’s worth,” he began, trailing his hand up her leg, “I didn’t care about any of that.  You reading at games or whatever.  You’re your own person, Svea.  I don’t care what anybody said.  The fact that you were there was enough for me – like, the fact that I could see you in the stands with my family or whatever.  When you made it back to Vaxjo after flying in from Vancouver, and you watched me score that game winning goal and then surprised me on the ice – Svea, that was, like, one of the greatest moments of my life.  And it wasn’t because I’d just won the championship.  It was because you were there for it.”

Svea smiled.  Elias knew to say all the right things, but what was better than just saying them was knowing that he meant them, fully and completely.  “I love you, Elias.”

“I love you too, Svea.  More than anything,”

There was a comfortable silence between them as they ate dinner, Svea’s foot still propped up in Elias’s lap after she’d tried to kick him.  “Are you going to be able to come to the game on Saturday?” he asked once they were almost finished.

She nodded.  “I’ll finish this reading tonight easily and I’ll be back yelling in no time.”

“Good,” he smiled.  “I like it when you’re loud.”

She kicked him again.

***

“Brock reminded me that Grace is setting the date soon for the next Parkinson’s gala,” Elias said later that night, after dinner and after clean up and Svea finished her reading and after they cuddled on the couch and after they watched a few episodes of Jeopardy at Svea’s request like an old married couple.  They’d gotten themselves ready for bed and Svea watched as Elias fluffed up their pillows while she pulled the covers back.  

“That’ll be fun,” Svea said.  “Every time we’ve gone it’s been a blast.  I can’t wait.”

“And we have Dice and Ice again this year too.  I wonder if they’ll make me play Family Feud again,” he mused as they both got into bed.

Svea giggled.  “Maybe this time you can announce to six hundred people that you finally have a girlfriend – oh wait, you already did that a few weeks ag—HEY!”

Elias pulled her into his body in one quick tug and wrapped his arms around her, peppering her face with kisses as she began to laugh at the sensation.  He flipped her around so she was beneath him.  “Yeah yeah, I’ve got a big mouth, I know,” he mumbled against the skin of her neck as he bit down on it gently.

“Mmm,” Svea hummed, enjoying the feeling like she always did.  “How about you remind me what else you can do with that mouth.”

A low chuckle erupted from deep within Elias.  “With pleasure,” he smiled devilishly.  Almost immediately, he shoved her old t-shirt (technically, his old t-shirt) up and over her head and moved down her body.  He hooked his fingers into the hem of her shorts and pulled them off too, watching as he saw a smirk appear on her face.  “What’s got you smiling, pretty girl?”

“You,” she purred.  “I’ll always regret waiting so long to be with you.  We could have had so much more time together.”

Elias brought himself back up, placing a tender kiss on her lips.  “Don’t regret that.  We have the rest of our lives together, pretty girl.  We always did.”

Svea smiled, pulling him down by the neck to kiss him again.  The universe knew that them being together was always endgame; it just took them longer to realize.  She liked Elias’s optimism – not focusing on what was in the past, but instead focusing on the future.  “Elias…” she mumbled in between kisses.

“Hmm?”

“Show me I’m yours,” she whispered.  She knew it would set him off completely, just like it did the first time, just like it did subsequent times since.  “Show me I’m yours, Elias.”

He audibly groaned, slipping his way back down her body before forcing her legs apart and lowering his face between them, lapping and sucking so expertly that Svea was squirming within no time.  Her pants and callouts of his name only fueled him as time went on, and when she ran her fingers through his blonde hair and tugged on it, he let out his own groan.

“Fuuuuuck,” she breathed out, tugging on his hair even more.  “You’re so…your tongue is so good Elias.”  He moaned at the sound of her voice, the vibrations causing her to squirm even more.  He brought his arm around her thigh and held her hips down.  It made her huff out in slight frustration.  “Elias.”

His only response was to push down harder.  Her response was to pull his hair as tight as she could and squeeze his head between her thighs.  All the while, he kept up his movements, looking up at her with his striking, beady blue eyes.  “You taste so sweet, pretty girl,” he mumbled against her wet lips.  “So sweet for me.”

“Elias—”

“Are you gonna cum on my face, pretty girl?”

Svea nodded her head fervently.  “I’m so close.”

“Mmmmm,” he hummed, the vibrations yet again making her squirm.  “Cum for me, Svea.”

Svea arched her back, and after a few short moments, she was screaming out his name, squeezing his head in between her thighs even tighter than before.  Elias kept lapping until she calmed down, sucking up the last of her juices before looking up at her again.  “I could taste you all day, pretty girl,” he mumbled against her lips, the last thing he did before moving up her body and placing open-mouthed kisses and dragging his lips along her stomach and up to her breasts.

“I need you inside of me right now,” she said, her breath hot and frantic as she moved to wrap her legs around him.  

“So impatient,” Elias mused.

“Fuck me, Elias.  I can’t wait anymore.”

He didn’t need to be told twice.  When she felt him enter her, quickly and in one swift movement, she dug her nails into the skin on his shoulder blades and almost immediately rocked her hips against his, trying to get him even deeper.  “Svea…” he groaned out, feeling how deep he was inside of her.  “Svea…fuck, you’re desperate, aren’t you?”

She nodded.  She couldn’t help it.  She was desperate.  She was always desperate for him.  Desperate for his voice, his touch, the sound of him, his smile, his laugh, how he filled her up, how he felt above her and beneath her – everything about him.  “You like it when I’m loud, right?” she asked.

Elias’s eyes bulged for a moment.  “Y—Yes.”

“You want me to be loud?”

His pupils dilated.  “Yes.”

“Let me ride you.”

Svea wrapped her arms around Elias so he would stay inside her before he turned onto his back.  She quickly got comfortable, adjusting slightly, and Elias brought his hands up and their hands intertwined, letting her lean against his elbows so she had something to brace against.  When she began to rock back and forth slowly, he let out a groan.  “You feel incredible, baby,” Svea said as she quickened her pace slightly.  

“You do, too,” Elias said quickly.  She began to moan loudly, like she knew he wanted and liked, and she could see his eyes practically roll to the back of his head.  Elias liked knowing that it was him who made her feel this way.  As she continued her noises, he didn’t know where to focus – her hips, her breasts, her eyes, how his cock had disappeared inside her – but he knew that everything felt good.  He was left speechless by everything.

She led his hands to cup her breasts, but he had other ideas.  Instead, he used his arms to push himself up so he could kiss them instead, his hands on her back.  He remembered back to their little rendezvous at the lake during Midsommar, what she’d done and the quiet confidence in which she’d done it.  He had obviously never done anything like that before.  “When we get married these are going to be all mine,” he mumbled against her breasts, licking at the space on her chest where he remembered his cum covering her.

“They already are,” Svea mumbled, lost in the feeling.  She brought her hands up to run through his hair so she could tug on it and so he could look her in the eye.  When he was, she said what she wanted to say – what she knew he wanted to hear.  “I’m all yours.”

Elias smiled.  “I’m yours and you’re mine.”

“I’m yours and you’re mine,” Svea repeated.

They kissed, wet and sloppy, and Svea could feel herself getting close again.  She dug her nails into the skin at the nape of Elias’s neck.  When he felt her walls tighten around him, and heard her cries of pleasure at the feeling, he came completely undone as well.  They clung on to each other, riding out their highs for a long as they could until they finally settled down, their breathing laboured and shaky, their chests heaving less and less as the time went by.  Neither let go of each other.  There was no need to.

Elias slipped out of her slowly, and Svea whimpered at the loss of feeling him fill her.  He wrapped his arms around her as he fell back slowly, laying them on the bed.  They stayed close, wrapped in each other, giving each other quick, soft kisses.  “I love you,” Elias mumbled, his voice tired.  

Svea smiled slightly.  “I love you too.”

>< >< >< >< ><

An advertising executive must schedule the advertising during a particular television show. Seven different consecutive time slots are available for advertisements during a commercial break, and are numbered one through seven in the order that they will be aired. Seven different advertisements – B, C, D, F, H, J, and K – must be aired during the show. Only one advertisement can occupy each time slot. The assignment of the advertisements to the slots is subject to the following restrictions:      • B and D must occupy consecutive time slots.      • B must be aired during an earlier time slot than K.      • D must be aired during a later time slot than H.      • If H does not occupy the fourth time slot, then F must occupy the fourth time slot.      • K and J cannot occupy consecutively numbered time slots.

Svea read over the logic puzzle three times, breathing harder every time.  She wrote the requisite lines and letters.  She moved on to the first questions.

1. Which of the following could be a possible list of the advertisements in the order that they are aired? a.  BDFHJCK b.  CJBHDKF c.  HBDFJCK d.  HDBFKJC e.  HJDBFKC

Svea tried not to panic as she tried to work out the first question based on the parameters presented to her.  When she took at her answer, then at the options, none of them matched.  She tried again.  No match again.  She tried not to panic irrationally, but when she tried a third time, she still couldn’t get the right answer.  She felt her cheeks heat up and her eyes start to well.  No.  No.  There’s no crying in doing logic puzzles.  She moved on to the next question, seeing if she could at least solve that one, but she couldn’t.  Okay, back to question one.  She tried a combination one more time and finally, finally found a match, so she circled the option.  

She checked her time.  Six minutes had passed, and she had five more questions to answer based on this logic puzzle alone.  On the LSAT, they got about eight minutes per entire puzzle and four puzzles, for a total of around 35 minutes for this section.  So she was severely behind.  Like, severely.  She looked at the note in the margins of her book.

This is generally considered one of the easier questions.

Svea whimpered.  Audibly.  She felt a few tears falling down her cheeks as she tried to move on to the second question, realizing it was now predicated upon the answer from the first.  Seven minutes.  And based on the wording of the question, her answer for the first one was wrong.  It wasn’t even possible.

She let out a sob.  

Eight minutes.  She’d officially already failed this section of the LSAT.  

As she tried to wipe her tears away with the backs of her hands, she heard the lightest knock on the door.  As she looked over, she saw Elias’s head peek through the doorway, a bowl in his hands.  “I brought you some raspberries,” he said softly, closing the door behind him.  “How’s it going?”

Svea shook her head and started to cry again.  “Elias…”

“Heeeyyyyy hey hey,” Elias cooed, rushing over to her and putting the bowl on the desk.  He pushed out her chair, moving it so she was facing him, and knelt down in front of her.  “What’s wrong?  What’s going on?”

“Elias, will you still love me if I fail?”

“Svea—”

“Be honest,” she interrupted.  “Will you still love me if I fail the LSAT and don’t get into law school and don’t get into grad school and just become a bum?  Will you?”

“Svea, don’t say stuff like that,” he said, running his hands up and down her thighs trying to sooth her.  

Svea shook her head fervently.  “I’m dumb.  I’m so dumb,” she whimpered out.

“You know you’re not dumb, Svea—”

“But I am!” she exclaimed.  “I couldn’t even do this logic puzzle in time.  I had eight minutes and I couldn’t do it.  And it’s one of the easier ones!  Imagine me sitting in that room trying to write the LSAT and I can’t even get past the logic puzzles!”

“Shhhhh,” he cooed, bringing his hands up to cup her face.  He began wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs, still kneeling in front of her.  “Svea, you know that I love you more than anything.  I’ll love you no matter what.”

“Even if I fail?”

“You won’t fail.  But even if you fail, yes, I will still love you,” he nodded, knowing it was what she needed to hear right now.  She wouldn’t have dropped it if he didn’t say those words.  

“And here you are, bringing me raspberries like a good boyfriend and I can’t even get a log—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Elias warned.  “Svea, it’s fine.  You’re probably just very tired.  You had a day full of classes, then homework, now this.  I bet when you have a fresh and well-rested brain tomorrow, it will be much easier for you.”

Svea whimpered again, wrapping her arms around Elias and squeezing him against her chest.  He was such a good boyfriend, always bringing her snacks or water or tea without her even having to ask, and she was just being a blubbering mess.  She’d missed some of his games lately due to her studying and she felt horrible about it, and it all led to this: he was the one still comforting her about the long-term goal of why she was even studying in the first place.  

“And Svea?”

“Hmmm?”

“You know I’ll always love you.  You know that you’re going to be successful.  This is just a little bump, that’s all.”

She took a moment to consider his words.  She knew he was right, but it took her a while to digest.  She hated that it did – that it took her so long – but her mind was off right now, overtired and overworked from a full day.  “Maybe I should go to bed,” she mumbled as her head rested in the crook of Elias’s neck.

Elias didn’t even have to say anything.  All he did was move to pick her up, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and her legs wrapping around his torso, and he carried her across the apartment to his bedroom, now their bedroom, with her face still tucked.  He could feel her tears on his skin, and when he lay her down gently on the bed, he made sure to wipe the rest of them away before he began undressing her, helping tug her shirt off and pulling off her jeans, leaving her in just her underwear.  He did the same quickly, stripping down to his boxers before climbing into bed and pulling the covers over them.  

They gravitated towards each other in bed like they always did, Elias wrapping an arm around her and Svea tangling their legs together.  He began running his fingers gently through her hair and could hear her sigh, like she was letting out all her frustrations, all her nerves, and all her stress.  “I love you, pretty girl,” he said softly as he continued his motions, knowing that it would soothe her, calm her down, just like it did for him when she did so.  It was one of the best feelings in the world, when he thought about it.  

“I love you too, even when I’m in my own head too much,” she responded, her voice soft and almost a whisper, but there was enough there.  “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

>< >< >< >< ><

Back in her global uprisings course, Svea took a moment to stretch as the professor gave them a five minute bathroom and coffee break.  She debated on whether or not to go down to the main floor and get a coffee and croissant, or just stick it out until lunch time.  She made sure to save her notes before she closed her laptop.  

She’d finally gotten the hang of the logic puzzles and was doing them like crazy now.  She’d seen advertisements on the bulletin board on the main floor for LSAT prep classes, and she wondered if she should take another round of them, even though she’d taken them last year as well.  But then she had the fact that she needed to finish her application for her Master’s.  There were a few more things to do on the supplemental application and some other things she needed to perfect before submitting it.  She’d need someone to look it over.  She needed to make sure the professors she’d asked to be references actually wrote their letters.  She needed to—

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Francesca asked suddenly, snapping Svea from her thoughts.  

“I’m thinking about the LSAT,” Svea decided to be honest with her.  “The LSAT and my application to grad school.”

“The LSAT?  Grad school?” Francesca asked like it was the most absurd thing that Svea was continuing her education and applying to these programs.  “What’s the point, Svea?”

Svea furrowed her brows.  “What do you mean what’s the point?  I want to work in law and politics.  You know that.”

“I mean, what’s the point when you’re with Elias now?”

Svea’s body stiffened at Francesca’s words.  “What do you mean?  I have to make a living, Francesca.”

“Do you?  Do you really?  Isn’t Elias gonna be signing, like, a huge contract at the end of this year?  Do you honestly think you’re going to need to work to support yourself for the rest of your life when he’s going to be making, like, ten million dollars a year?  Minus endorsements?  I mean doesn’t he already support you?”

Svea was taken aback by Francesca’s line of questioning, and, to be honest, deeply hurt by it as well.  Did Svea give off the airs and graces that she was fine with being a kept woman?  Had she ever made it seem like she didn’t want to do anything with her life?  That she didn’t care?  She didn’t think she did ever.  But for some reason, Francesca was bringing it up.  “Francesca, I can’t let my boyfriend support me for the rest of my life.”

“You can’t?  Because I can,” she quipped.  She said it in a joking manner but Svea knew she was completely serious.  The next line of questioning confirmed it for her.  “I mean, does Elias have any teammates?  Brock Boeser maybe?  Or is he still with that Gillespie girl?  The billionaire?”

Svea furrowed her brows.  She didn’t like the direction this conversation was going, and she didn’t want Francesca anywhere near Brock or Grace.  “They’re still together.  He’s madly in love with her,” she mumbled before turning away from her and back to her laptop.

“Damn.  Should’ve told me you were dating Elias earlier so I could’ve jumped at the chance.”

“Hmm,” Svea hummed, just to acknowledge what she said.  She began typing something so Francesca would leave her alone.

When class was finished, Svea took out her phone and immediately texted Elias.

I’m going to be the most horrible housewife on the planet

Svea wtf are you talking about

Francesca said today I didn’t have to apply to law school or grad school because now I have you to take care of me It was the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever heard

Not even thirty seconds later, her phone began to ring.  When she picked it up, Elias didn’t even greet with any formalities.  “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, too,” he said.  “I mean, who says something like that?”

“Someone who wishes she was kept, I guess.  I mean, she asked about Brock afterwards and I had to break her heart and tell her that he’s still madly in love with Grace.”

“What do you mean kept?”

“It’s a saying.  It’s like a girl who has a nice and lavish lifestyle because of a rich man,” she explained.

Elias was silent on the other end trying to understand what Svea was explaining to him.  “Did she just call you a prostitute?  Or one of those sugarbaby things or whatever?”

Svea snorted.  “In her own way, probably.  I mean, when you think about it…” Svea tried to joke, seeing the humour in the situation, finally.  Elias did pay for most things and Svea did enjoy a nice, comfortable life because of it – an apartment in Yaletown, access to a luxury car, an $8000 gold bracelet screwed onto her wrist…

But that didn’t mean she was kept.  They were equal partners in their relationship.  There was no power dynamic.  Elias didn’t do those things and provide her with what he did because he wanted to control her, or because he wanted to have sex with her, or because he wanted to keep her at home all the time doing nothing besides looking pretty and being ready in bed for him.  He did it because he genuinely loved her, because she was his best friend, his soulmate, his sun and his moon and his stars, and because he could, because what the hell else was he going to do with all this money?  Spend it on himself?  He already did that and there was a ton left over.  Who better to spend it on than Svea?  

“What is it with everyone trying to get into our business?  We’re happy this way.  It works for us.  What the fuck does it matter?” Elias asked.  “And why is everybody so obsessed with money?”

“It makes the world turn, Elias.”

She heard him huff on the other end.  “Just…don’t worry about what she says.  It doesn’t matter.  You’re going to law school or grad school or you’re doing what you want to do and that’s that.”

“Why did I have to love debating in high school?  Why did I have to like law and politics?  Why couldn’t I have loved to bake and like…I don’t know, opened up some hipster coffee shop here or in Stockholm and just made coffee and cake and cookies all day?”

“Because then you wouldn’t have been Svea,” Elias said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “You would have been someone else.  And I don’t know who that someone else is, but it’s not you.”

And he was right.  He was so fucking right that Svea was taken aback by the simplicity of his words but just how deep they were; how they hit the nail right on the head and how they were just so…right.  She wouldn’t be the same person if she never debated, if she was never a precarious kid checking out books at the library.  She wouldn’t be the same person if she had baked cakes and cookies and opened some hipster coffee shop with vegan treats made exclusively from organic ingredients.  She wouldn’t be the same Svea.  She wouldn’t be the Svea Elias loved.  She wouldn’t be the Svea her friends loved.  She wouldn’t be the Svea her family loved, that Elias’s family loved.  She almost teared up for how right he was.  “Thank you, Elias,” she said softly, not knowing what else to say.

“For what?”

“For loving me the way I am.”

She could practically hear him smile bashfully on the other end.  “I love you for the way you’ve always been, too.  And the way you’ll be.”

She knew he would.  That was the best part.

>< >< >< >< ><

Svea clicked send.  

Your application to the University of British Columbia’s Master of Public Policy and Global Affairs has been received.  You will receive a confirmation email with your application number shortly.  

She took a deep breath.  Now she waited.

***

Svea clicked send.

Your application to the Peter A. Allard School of Law at the University of British Columbia has been received.  You will receive an email shortly confirming your application.

She took a deep breath.   Now she waited.

>< >< >< >< ><

“It would be chic to wear black, right?” Svea asked Grace as they scoured through the racks of dresses at Holt Renfrew, the iconic upscale Canadian department store, looking for something to wear to the upcoming Dice & Ice fundraiser the Canucks held annually.  Grace loved to shop, and she was good at it, so Svea was confident they’d find something to wear.

“Well, it’s always chic to wear black,” Grace said as she pulled out a beige coloured, skin-tight dress.  She took a good, long look at it before deciding it wasn’t the one and pushing it back in.  “But you need to spruce it up a bit.”

“Spruce it up?”

“You’ve got a great body and you need to show it off.  You’ve been wearing your knit sweaters for so long that I’ve forgotten what your boobs look like, Svea.”

She snorted.  Leave it to Grace, the professional dancer with the near perfect body, to mention her boobs.  “Grace, I barely have boobs.”

“Doesn’t matter.  You can still show off your figure.  It’s to die for.  And I’m sure Petey would love it.”

Well, that was true.  Svea kept that in her mind as they continued to look through racks and racks of dresses, never quite finding the right one, though they pulled some to try on just in case.  Grace always had something to say about the dresses Svea pulled – “You’re going to look like my uncle’s fourth ex-wife if you wear that” or “That looks like something a retired art teacher would wear”.  Svea couldn’t help but laugh.  She was thankful to have Grace along for this ride since Grace had a sense of style and what would look good on her body; if she wasn’t here, Svea wouldn’t probably end up picking a dress that made her look like a 17th century peasant woman from Croatia ready to milk the cows.  As Grace would say.

They verged into the designer departments.  Grace picked out a dress from Dolce and Gabbana, and handed one from Gucci to Svea.  They checked in Yves Saint Laurent and Versace but there was nothing.  Chloe.  Louis Vuitton.  Celine.  Miu Miu.

“What about this one?” Svea asked, pulling out a gorgeous dress from the Miu Miu rack.

From down the line, Grace looked up.  “It’s black.”  Svea took it off the bar completely, holding it against her body, showing its crystal-studded top.  “Ooooooooh,” Grace’s jaw dropped at the detailing.  She immediately let go of the dress she’d pulled out and walked over to Svea.  “Now that’s a good one.”

“You think?”

“Mhm,” she nodded her head fervently.  “Let’s go try these all on now.  I need to see that dress on you.”

The first few dresses Svea tried on and modeled for Grace didn’t “work”, according to her.  There was something off about them – a hemline, a cut, the fact that it made Svea look like a nun – that sent them back on the hanger.  But when Svea put on the Miu Miu dress she pulled, even just seeing herself in the dressing room with it half on, she knew it would look good.  “Um…I think I’m going to need to take off my bra for this one,” she called out to Grace is the dressing room beside her.  

“Then take it off.”

“There’s gonna be a lot of side-boob.  I’m not sure that’s appropriate for a gala raising money for children…”

“Nothing a little double-sided boob tape can’t fix,” Grace retorted.  “Now get out here so I can see.”

Svea pulled back the curtain.  When she did, Grace’s jaw dropped.  Grace was standing in a beautiful dress of her own, but she didn’t even care – her full attention was on Svea now, and the dress she was wearing.  “Oh…my…God,” she gave Svea a complete up-down, a giant smile forming on her face afterwards.  “This is perfect.  This is it.”

“But what about this?” Svea moved to show Grace her side profile.

“Like I said, boob tape.  But we’ll bring it to a tailor as well.  We want this thing pinched in and showing off that body.”  Grace approached her, moving them so that they stood in front of a mirror together with Grace behind her.  Svea could feel her hands on the low backline of the dress.  Grace tugged on it.  “See?” she said, getting Svea to look in the mirror.  Even just the simple pinch covered up some of the side boob – enough that Svea felt more comfortable and more appropriate.  “Now imagine what my tailor can do.  This thing will fit you like a glove when he’s done with it.”

Svea nodded her head.  She did look good.  And she had a feeling Elias would like the open back and the fact it would be tight.  Elias liked her in anything but her dressing up did something to him.  He would treat her as a present he needed to unwrap.  “Is there any point in trying on anything else?” she smiled.

Grace smiled back.  “No way.”

***

“D’you ever think about marriage?” Grace asked suddenly as she and Svea ate lunch at Coast, raw oysters in between them arranged perfectly on a platter.  

Svea was taken aback by the question, which was posed out of the blue.  She thought anybody would be, all things considered.  “Uh…sometimes.  Why?”

“I just think of you and Elias a lot. And Brock and I, obviously, but more so you and Elias.  Because, like, we both know you guys are going to get married one day.  I mean, so will Brock and I…but…I don’t know.  Do you ever just think of what marriage will be like?”

Svea knew what Grace was trying to get at.  In her own roundabout way, she was expressing a deep-rooted fear.  Not of marriage in and of itself – the act of it, of getting a legal document and signing it and being attached to a person through marriage – but the dynamics of it instead.  How to make it work.  Communication.  Trust.  Traveling.  Schedules.  Children.  Her parents notoriously didn’t speak to each other after their horrible divorce and used her and their lawyers as pawns.  She got along well with her step-brothers and all was well and fine now, as an adult, but divorce traumatizes kids.  “I do.”

“What do you think your marriage with Elias will be like?”

“Comfortable,” Svea said without any thought.  She felt the need to clarify.  “I don’t mean that in a bad way.  I just mean that like…I think it will be easy.  Easier.  We’ve known each other our whole lives and our relationship is already strong.  I don’t think that signing a document and becoming husband and wife will drastically change anything in our relationship.”

“Because it’s bound to happen,” Grace said.

“Exactly,” Svea nodded her head.  “Like I know it will change, but not by much.  And Elias and I talk about what we want and what we want to do, and we sort of just, like…already know.  So it’s not going be this, like, seismic shift.  He’ll still be Elias.  He’ll just be my husband, Elias.”

Grace nodded her head.  She thought long and hard about what Svea was saying.  She envied Svea, somewhat, because she also had good role models in her parents to base a marriage off of.  Grace didn’t really have that luxury – though she had her mom and her step-dad now, but that was different.  Because after everything that happened in the divorce, Grace couldn’t look at marriage the same way.  “Do you ever look to your parents and what they went through?”

“Somewhat.  I mean my mom uprooted her whole life for my dad.  She moved to a foreign country and learned the language and brought up two daughters in a small town…I don’t think they would have lasted if she didn’t know my dad loved her unconditionally like Elias loves me now,” Svea explained.  “I mean they obviously weren’t perfect but they provide a great example.  Same with Elias’s parents.  I think they provided a good example for him.”

“When I think about my mom and dad, and what happened with them, it doesn’t make me scared about Brock and I, because I know we’re different,” Grace began.  “But what gets me scared is, like, the possibility.  Like there’s always a possibility we could end up like them.”

Svea shook her head.  “You can’t wage your happiness on a possibility, Grace,” she said sternly.  “If we go by that logic, of possibilities, that means there’s a possibility that Elias would cheat on me and break us up.”

“That would never happen.  Elias would never do that to you.”

“Exactly,” Svea said.  “You and Brock are nothing like your parents.  So let me ask you the same question.  What do you think your marriage with Brock will be like?”

Unlike Svea, who answered with one word in a heartbeat, Grace thought about it for a while.  It wasn’t because she wasn’t confident in their relationship – she was – and it wasn’t because she couldn’t see herself married to Brock – she could – but it was more so because what she had with Brock was indescribable.  It had all happened pretty quickly, but everything about it felt right, and felt like it was supposed to happen.  Marriage would feel the same way.  Having kids would feel the same way.  “Comfortable,” Grace repeated Svea’s word.  “Because he gives me a sense of comfort than no-one else has.  He makes me feel safe and happy all the time.  And because we want the same things.  We always have.”

Svea smiled.  “See?  Comfort isn’t a bad thing.  Not everything has to be a rollercoaster.”

Grace nodded.  She knew Svea was right.  She just wished she didn’t have such bad examples to base a marriage on.  Svea was wise and knew these things because she had good examples.  “Has Elias ever brought up marriage?”

Svea smirked slightly, grabbing her water to take a sip so she could avoid the question.  Grace wiggled in her seat excitedly, knowing the answer based on her response.  “In passing, mostly.  We were in bed once, too.”

“Oh God, did he propose once when you two were having sex?”

Svea snorted.  “No, thank God.  Nothing awkward like that.  It was more so, like…” she trailed off, wondering if she should even say anything.  She told Grace pretty much everything these days.  “When we get married, so and so…” she mimicked Elias’s voice.  

“Ah, I get it,” Grace nodded.  “I once gave Brock a blowjob so good he called me his wife afterwards.”

Svea burst out laughing, which caused Grace to laugh as well.  Both of the girls had to wipe away tears and take a drink of water before they could resume talking.  “Brock would totally do something like that,” Svea commented.  

“I know.  He’s so predictable,” Grace rolled her eyes playfully.  “Is it weird these things happen with our boyfriends during sex?  I swear they only share one brain cell.”

“They definitely do, but we love them for it.”

>< >< ><

“Do you want to marry me?”

If Svea was a dog, her ears would have perked up like someone was opening the treat bag.  She and Elias had finished dinner and had been cuddling on the couch when Svea thought they needed a snack and went to go microwave a bag of popcorn.  The question didn’t make her nervous because she knew the answer.  If anything, she wondered what exactly it would lead to.  “Of course I do.”

“Now or eventually?” he asked again.

“Eventually,” she answered.

“Why not now?”

Svea poured the popcorn into the bowl.  “Because I don’t know what I’m going with my life yet, and I think it’s important to establish that before I get married.”

“So if you establish it, we would be able to get married?” he asked, using her logic.

“Eliiiiaaaaas…” she elongated his name, taking the bowl and bringing it back to the couch.  He sounded like a four year old with all of his questions.  “What’s this about?”

“I’m just wondering when we can get married,” he said like it was so simple.  

“Why are you wondering that?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Elias, we’re only twenty-two,” Svea said.  She wanted to turn the tables.  “And besides, do you want to marry me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my soulmate,” he said automatically.  “Because I love you more than anything.  And we waited long enough to get together, so why wait to get married?”

“Elias…” she whispered.  Instead of sitting down by his side like she had been, she straddled his lap.  It brought them much closer, of course, and Svea could look at him face-to-face.  She brought her hands up to cradle his face.  “Listen to me.  I love you.  I want to marry you.  There’s no doubt in my mind about that, okay?  None whatsoever.  But there are a lot of things happening this year between me and my future and you and your contract,” she said.  “I feel…I feel like once all of that is…I don’t know, settled, then we can start seriously think about getting married.  And I can’t do that when everything is up in the air with me.”

Elias moved into her touch, eventually nodding his head.  He looked so cute and his lips were so pouty, Svea felt like kissing him right then.  But she knew she couldn’t until they finished their very serious conversation.  “I just don’t want to wait.  I’ve already waited too long for you, you know?” he asked.

“I know.  But I’m not going anywhere.”

“You better not be,” he mumbled, leaning forward to rest his head against her chest.  She moved her hands so one was still cradling his face while she ran her fingers through his hair with the other.  “I hope you don’t think I’m pressuring you or anything.”

“You’re not.”

“I just really want to marry you.  I really want you to be my wife.  I know it’s probably stupid of me but I don’t care how young we are.  I would’ve married you at eighteen.”

Svea smiled.  “If we hadn’t denied our feelings for each other we probably would have been dumb and done it,” she laughed.  “But you’ve gotta get me a ring first.”

“Oh, that’s no problem.  I’ll make sure the ring is bigger than your eyeball.”

“And you still gotta kneel.  I want the whole kit and kaboodle.  I don’t care that I know it’s happening.  You still have to kneel and ask me.”

She felt Elias smile against her, giggling slightly.  “I plan on it.  I meant it when I said that time in Stockholm wasn’t the last time I would kneel in front of you.”

“Good,” Svea smiled.  

“But we can still get a pet, right?”

Svea snorted.  She was very, very, very well aware of how much he wanted a pet.  With Diesel, Whiskey, and Tequila far away in Sweden with Fanny and Emil, he had limited access to animals.  And after spending practically the entire summer with them, he was desperate for some animal contact.  Grace bringing Pippa around was always nice, but it wasn’t enough.  He couldn’t cuddle with Pippa whenever he wanted.  Pippa wasn’t at his home.  “Elias.”

“What if I brought home an iguana one day?”

“No,” she said loudly, pulling away from him so his head wasn’t on her chest anymore.  He had a cheeky smile on his face.  “I told you to stop sending me reptiles to adopt.”

“But what if—”

“If you bring home an iguana or a reptile or God forbid a snake, you’re not allowed to marry me anymore.”

“Whooooooaaaaaa whoa whoa hey hey hey, let’s not get crazy here,” he held up his hands.  “Okay, I’ll stop sending the reptiles.  But that means I can send you more dogs.”

“Okay, deal,” she smiled, finally getting her opportunity to kiss him.  “You’re lucky I’m already crazy for you, because you’re gonna drive me crazy.”

“Hmmm,” he hummed happily, snaking his hands up her shirt.  “I’m crazy for you too.  And I can think of a few crazy things we can get up to right now.”

>< >< >< >< ><

“Elias—”

“—Svea—”

“—Elias we’re already late—”

“—Pull up your dress—"

“—Eli—oh, oh Jesus,” Svea felt herself getting pushed against their bedroom’s glass window.  Elias was behind her pulling her dress up and bunching it around her hips.  She could hear the buckle of his belt clink as he rushed to get it unbuckled.  “Elias—”

“Bend over.”

She let out a hot sigh as she did what she was told, trying to grip onto the glass as she bent over slightly, her ass sticking out and grinding on Elias’s already hard member.  She could feel his hand on her ass, slipping her lace panties to the side.  She’d bought them specifically for tonight.  No set, because she wasn’t wearing a bra (only boob tape, as per Grace and her tailor).  She’d planned on surprising Elias after the gala but he apparently had other plans.  She felt his fingers play with her folds, letting out a mewl at his teasing to get her wet, eventually slipping two fingers inside of her, causing her to cry out.  “That feels good, Elias,” she whispered, looking back at him.

“You like that?” he asked, to which she nodded her head.  “You think looking that sexy in this dress wasn’t gonna make me do this?”

She smiled slightly.  “I knew it would.  Just thought you’d be able to wait,” she smiled devilishly.

“Nuh uh,” Elias shook his head, curling his fingers and making her visibly shiver.  “No waiting.  Can’t wait.”

“Then fuck me already.”

Elias entered her with such force that they crashed together against the glass.  Svea let out a loud moan as he filled her up, feeling his hot breath right behind her ear as her own hot breath fogged up the glass in front of her mouth.  She absolutely loved the feeling of him filling her up – always had, always would – but this was different.  This was hot and fast and raw and rough, and she liked it, God did she like it.  “Fill me up, Elias,” she breathed out.  “Fill me up and fuck me.”

He crashed into her hips again, and she sent out another shout.  His body pressed up against hers gave her little room to move but she liked it.  Another crash.  Another shout.  Another crash.  Another shout.  On and on and on, the more shouts and moans escaped her body without her having any control over them.  On and on and on, she got louder with each passing one.  He could see her knuckles turning white from trying to grip the glass unsuccessfully.  “You like being fucked like this?” he mumbled into her ear.

“Yeeesssssssss,” she nodded.  

“How much?”

“So much,” she breathed out.  “I love it when you fuck me hard, Elias.  I love it.  It’s so good.  It’s so fucking good.”

It wasn’t meant to last long – rendezvouses like this never did – and so with a bite of the neck and an arch of the back and a slip of Elias’s hand around to her core, rubbing and teasing, Svea came undone, coming loudly and shaking as she tried to keep her balance.  She could feel his breaths shorten, and soon after, he came inside of her, hot and wet and causing her own orgasm to last longer.  As they tried to catch their breaths, Svea could feel Elias’s lips on the open skin of her back, placing soft, tender, loving kisses along it as they came down from their highs.  

Elias’s lips moved from her spine to her shoulder blades and along her neck.  “I love you,” he whispered softly, placing a quick kiss on her jawline.  

The fact that he was still inside her made it that much more tender to her.  With her skirt still bunched up and the heat still pulsating in her core – evidence of what they’d just done – it was a nice bring-me-down, a return to reality for Svea who had just been seeing stars thanks to her boyfriend.  “I love you too.”

When he softened and he finally slipped out of her, she whimpered as she always did at the loss, though she knew that more would be waiting for her later.  She adjusted her underwear upon hearing Elias’s belt clink again.  After rearranging themselves, they looked at each other to see the other perfectly well-kept, as if Elias didn’t just fuck her against the window.  Elias had a smile on his face – a proud one, not one filled with lust like minutes before.  “We should get down to the car,” he said, though neither of them bothered to move.  “You do look beautiful,” he added.

“We clean up well,” Svea smiled back.  She stepped forward to help him arrange his tie and collar.  

“I can’t wait to see you in a wedding dress,” Elias said, looking down at her.

Svea looked up.  “Yeah?”

He nodded, clasping her hand in his.  “Yeah.”

***

“Svea, you look fantastic!” Jacob Markstrom smiled as he bent down to hug her.  Almost the entire team and their significant others had sad variations of the same thing to her as they saw her, so she knew she had picked the right dress.  She and Elias were one of the last couples to arrive, but it seemed like things were running slightly behind schedule anyway because of people trying to find their seats in the giant room.  It saved them, really.

“Thanks Jacob,” Svea smiled.  “You look quite dapper yourself.  A change from the scruffy bear you turn into when we’re back in Sweden.”

He let out a hearty laugh before moving on to greet Elias.  Svea looked around the room to see it already almost full of people mingling.  The stage was lit up in blue and green lights, and the DJ was playing music in the background of everything else that was happening.  There were already food stations open in the middle of the room.  Svea wondered if the boys could eat before they had to go their designated stations – she knew Elias and Brock were going to be set up in the photobooth part just like last year.  That meant she and Grace could gossip and get a good talk in before dinner, where they would inevitably be separated at different tables.  

About five minutes after Svea and Elias arrived, Brock and Grace did too.  They made their rounds with the team.  When Grace approached Svea, she gave her a good up-down.  “You look phenomenal,” she said before going in to hug her.  “Was Petey able to keep his hands off you?” she whispered in her ear.

Svea giggled.  “No.”

Grace nodded knowingly as she pulled away from the hug.  “Brock wasn’t either.”

Soon, the boys were called to their “stations” and Grace and Svea found their tables before going to the bar.  A lot of people were approaching Grace because they recognized her from her father, and they asked questions about her and her initiatives and her uncles as Svea stood awkwardly with her, barely acknowledged or subtly acknowledged with just a nod of the head.  Grace knew how to work a room, so it was fine, and she tried to include Svea into the conversations as much as possible, but people weren’t interested in her as much as they were interested in Grace.  It was fine.  Grace came from a prominent family of billionaires who were famous in Vancouver for their philanthropy.  Svea was just…Svea.  To be honest, she somewhat liked it.  She could never be in the “limelight”, so to speak, as Grace was.  That’s why if she went into politics, she’d be an advisor.  There was no way she’d run for public office, even though she could debate better than the best politicians.

At one point, Svea and Grace unfortunately got stuck with quite the…character.  Young, brash, and somehow invited to a gala that benefitted children, he was making jokes left, right, and centre.  Most of them inappropriate.  Both girls wished he noticed their awkward laughs and buzzed off, but such was not the case.  He just had to chat up the daughter of Hamish Gillespie.  

“You girls having a good time?” Brock’s voice was heard suddenly as he crept up behind them, putting his hand on the small of Grace’s back.  Elias wasn’t far behind, smiling slightly.  

“Whooooa ho ho!  Brock Boeser!” the man exclaimed, doing one of those slap-shaking of hands boys always did with each other – if they were friends.  Brock had no idea who this man was.  “What’s up, Boes?  Just talking to your girl here about where the Gillespie’s are donating money next.”

“Hmm, really?” Brock said, eyeing Grace and seeing the look she was giving him.  “You’re talking to Grace about it?”

“Yeah, your girl.”

Elias watched as Grace rolled her eyes.  “I was just about to say it’ll probably be another arts centre somewhere,” she said curtly.

“And what about you?” he nodded his head towards Svea.  “Raya, was it?”

“Svea,” she deadpanned.  

“Svea’s looking to do public policy and work in politics,” Elias interjected, saying the information proudly.  

The man laughed out loud.  Like, actually laughed out loud upon hearing the news.  “You gonna be a political husband, Petey?  The Good Husband?  Like that TV show?” he joked.

“I don’t get it,” Svea interrupted before Elias could respond.  She knew what she had to do: she had to use the technique of playing dumb and not understanding the “joke” in order to have someone awkwardly explain why they thought their racist/sexist/misogynist/ableist “joke” was funny, thus shining a light on their horrible character.  She could bask in the awkwardness of them stumbling over their own words and seeing how truly ridiculous and stupid they really were.  “Can you explain that to me?”

She watched as the man’s face fell slightly.  “Oh, you know,” he tried to play it off.  “It’s just a joke.”

“What’s the joke?”

Now his face really dropped, but he still tried to keep a smile on his face, which just made him look completely like that Chrissy Teigen meme.  “It’s just…you know…”

“I don’t know.”

The man shifted awkwardly on his feet.  “Petey doesn’t need his girl working in politics,” he said.  “What are you even gonna do in politics anyway?  How’s Petey gonna feel about that?  Having his girl running around with a bunch of politicians?”

“I’m not exactly sure where you’re going with this,” Svea said.  She couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.  “What exactly are you trying to achieve?  Please explain to me how having a successful wife is so threatening to a man’s ego?”

“Does he need the trouble?” he continued.  “You can’t be out there…you…I mean, shouldn’t you just do what all the other wives and girlfriends do?  Be with the kids and tend to the house like a good wife?  Petey is the important one here.”

Svea was so shocked her jaw didn’t drop.  She closed her jaw, curtly, and closed her mouth, curtly, out of fear of saying something she might regret.  It was Brock who had to intervene.  “I think it’s best you leave now,” he said as calmly as possible.

“I—It’s not—”

“Leave,” Grace stressed.  

The man scoffed and walked off.  Svea could feel Elias grab her hand and squeeze it.  He had an angry look on his face, understandably, as he watched the guy walk off, back to his table and back to his group.  Elias would make sure to walk by the table to see the company they came from so he could make a complaint.  “What a fucking asshole,” he mumbled.

“What a crock of shit,” Grace piped up even louder than Elias.  She looked up at Brock.  “Can we kick him out?  I’m serious.  Can we go speak to someone so he’s thrown out?  Let’s go.”

“It’s fine,” Svea said.  

“But Svea—”

“Honestly, it’s fine,” she stressed.  “I’m going to be a woman in politics.  This won’t be the last time somebody is going to make a comment like that.”  Grace was still visibly mad.  So was Brock.  But they listened to Svea’s wish and didn’t pursue it any further.  “Let’s go sit.”

***

Despite the man’s horrible comments, Svea forgot about them for the duration of the gala and had an amazing time.  There were some hilariously funny moments that the organization put the players through, and Svea was laughing almost the entire night.  She had some great talks afterwards, as well, with Jacob and Troy and Bo and Holly, and when the night ended, she was tired but happy as she and Elias made their way back home.  Grace suggested they go for late-night pizza but Svea was too tired.  They promised Grace brunch the next morning instead, which was readily agreed upon.  

“I appreciate that you don’t expect that life from me,” Svea whispered as she stood in their bedroom in front of their mirror, Elias behind her unzipping her dress.  She’d already been to the bathroom to wash off her makeup.

He knew exactly what she was talking about.  He honestly wondered when she was going to bring it up.  They’d been through this discussion months earlier when Francesca made her comments.  He couldn’t believe they had to put up with them again.  “I know you do,” he said from behind her.

“I just…I haven’t gone to university and pursued a life and career in public policy or law just to be called your girlfriend and become…become a…a trophy wife!  A wag!” her anger was coming through now.  “And I know I shouldn’t be angry and—and I’m not, I swear, because I know how ridiculous he was, but I…still.”

“I get it.  It’s okay,” Elias said as he finished unzipping her dress.  “You know I’d never want to dull your shine, Svea.  I never want you to settle for anything you don’t want because I know you don’t want me to do that either.”

“You don’t…” she stopped herself, thinking if she should even ask the question, since he posed the same one to her when they were in Sweden after the entire Soren debacle.  “You don’t think I’m holding you back, right?”

“How would you?” he asked, his tone showing he thought it was the most absurd idea on the planet.

“From like, doing stuff with your friends.  Going out, having fun…I don’t know Elias.  Normal guy stuff.  Normal hockey guy stuff,” she clarified.

He’d been shaking his head since her first word.  “No,” he said definitively.  He dress fell to the floor, leaving Svea standing in front of the mirror in just her lace underwear.  “I see what some of my friends and teammates have gotten up to on the road and I don’t want that for me.  The only things I want in my life are my family, hockey, and you.  There’s nothing else I need.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” he nodded.  “You keep me grounded, Svea.  I don’t need to do that shit when I have you at home.”

“I just don’t want you to miss out,” she said.

“I’m not missing out.  Trust me.  I still have my fun but I have it on my terms.”

Svea internalized his words and nodded her head.  She turned around and began helping him undress, undoing his tie and the buttons on his dress shirt before moving to his belt, the clinking of the metal reminding her of their previous activities just hours ago.  “I know that you love me.  And you know that I love you.  I just want to make sure you’re living the life you want because I know you want me to live the life that I want.  Which is why I’m comfortable with telling you the next thing I’m going to say.”

“Which is?”

“If we get married, we’re not having kids anytime soon.  I’m not even entertaining the idea,” she said, looking him straight in the eye.  “Like, it’s not on the table.  It’s not an option.  I’m going to school and I’m working.  And when I’m ready, we’re having kids.”

Again, Elias was nodding from the beginning of her first words.  “I’m fine with that.  I—yes, I’m fine with that.”  

“You’re sure?”

“Positive,” he kept nodding as she pushed his dress shirt back with her hands, letting it fall to the floor as well.  “There’s no way I can even think about taking care of a kid right now anyway, so there’s no way I’m gonna do that to you.  I wouldn’t put that on you while I go live my dreams.  You have to live your dreams too.”  He bent down slightly to give her a light kiss on the tip of her nose.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.”  

That night, as Svea was on top of him, under him, on her hands and knees for him, spooning him, and everything in between; as every orgasm coursed through her body from the top of her head to the tips of her toes like a tidal wave, leaving her a shaking, moaning, mewling, whimpering mess, she was shown time and time again how much Elias loved her, how much he adored her, how much he would do anything for her; and she was shown, more than anything, that they were in this together.

>< >< >< >< ><

Dear Miss Nilsson,

Congratulations!  We are pleased to offer you acceptance into the Peter A. Allard School of Law…

***

Dear Miss Nilsson,

Upon review of your application, we are pleased to offer you acceptance to the University of British Columbia’s Master of Public Policy and Global Affairs…

>< >< >< >< ><

“Stella!  Stella!  Speak!”

“Brrrrrrrraaaaark!”

“Gooood girl, Stella!” Svea gave her a treat.  “Okay, now twirl!” she did the hand motion, and Stella spun around and sat down when she was finished.  “What a good girl you are, Stella!”

“RrrrrBARK!”

Svea watched as Elias came up behind Stella and picked her up in one swift movement, swooping her up in his arms as he brought her up to his face.  He snuggled his face into hers, her wet nose tickling his skin before she started licking his face.  Svea laughed at the sight, and soon Elias was laughing too because Stella wouldn’t stop.  “You’re just like mommy, Stella.”

“HEY!” Svea opposed, pinching him on his side and causing him to wince.  “That’s not very nice.”

“It’s true though.”

“So what if it is,” she mumbled as she watched their puppy continue to lick his face.  “We should put her harness on her now if we’re going to take her to the park.”

“But before that,” Elias said, placing Stella back down on the floor before walking over to their fridge.  He bent down to open the freezer and took out a bottle of champagne.  Stella waddled over to him, trying to see what else was in the freezer.  “What’s that?” Svea asked as he set the bottle down on the counter.  It was an expensive bottle too – he’d really gone all out.

“You didn’t think I’d just give you that necklace to celebrate you getting into your programs?” he asked with a smirk on his face.  He took out two champagne flutes from a cabinet and set them down on the counter.  

Svea touched the necklace sitting pretty around her neck – the Cartier Love necklace in yellow gold with diamonds, of course to match her bracelet that she hadn’t taken off since.  “Elias…”

“And I know you still have to think about which one you’re going to choose,” he said as he took the foil off the top and began to uncork the bottle, “but we’re still going to celebrate.  Because you’re my Svea, and I love you more than anything.”

Svea bent down to pick up Stella and cradle her in her arms as Elias poured the champagne into the flutes.  “I did choose,” she said softly.  “I came to the decision mentally, like, half an hour ago and I was going to tell you at the park.”

“Oh yeah?  And?” he asked as he finished pouring.

She took a deep breath.  “The Master of Public Policy and Global Affairs.”

Elias smiled from ear to ear, handing her one of the flutes to hold.  He stepped towards her and wrapped an arm around her, cradling her and Stella against him.  “To you, my pretty girl,” he said softly as he looked down at her.  “My moon, my stars, my Svea.”

>< >< >< >< ><

@ThomasDrance: BREAKING: Elias Pettersson has signed a contract with the Vancouver Canucks.  More to come shortly.

@ThomasDrance: Sounds like a long-term deal.  Elias is staying.  Canucks fans rejoice.

@ThomasDrance: Somebody on the media beat just screamed.  Another danced.  One is just smiling as he’s staring down at his phone.  Just in case you were wondering how happy the people of Vancouver are.

>< >< >< >< ><

“You guys want to meet up on…let’s say Saturday?” Svea asked Grace on the phone.  She was lying on the couch with Elias giving her a foot massage and Stella sleeping on her chest.  

“Yeah, of course.  Pippa down!” she asserted.  “What were you thinking?”

“We kind of want to go super-fancy,” Svea said, knowing that Grace would be able to help with that.  “Like, really nice outfits.  And I want Brock in a suit.”

“I’ll make reservations at Hawksworth,” Grace said like it was the easiest thing in the world – because it was for her.  Everyone else would need to wait weeks.  But not her.  “And I’ll stuff Brock too-many-cookies-gut into a suit, no problem.”

“Make the reservation for 1:30 in the afternoon.  But can we meet at 11?”

“Of course…” Grace said.  “Why so early?”

“For Stella.  We need to show you something with Stella.”

>< >< >< >< ><

Elias waved Brock down outside once he noticed his car.  Elias was dressed in his best suit, one he’d know he’d never wear again from now on.  He watched as Brock parallel parked the car on the street.  Grace got out first, wearing a very pretty and fitted yellow dress with a boatneck and cap sleeves, looking especially elegant.  Her hair was sleeked back into a low bun, and she had a pair of high-heeled sandals on to complete her look.  Brock followed behind her, wearing one of his particularly well-tailored and fitted black suits, shiny new shoes and a skinny tie.

“Why’d you make me dress up?” Brock asked as he approached Elias, adjusting his jacket so he could button it up.  

“You know I like seeing you in a suit.”

Brock winked.  “I do, but you see me in one almost every other day.  Why my best suit?”

Elias didn’t have the opportunity to answer, because Svea came up from behind him to hug Grace and Brock.  They both bent down and kissed Stella as well.  “Do you guys mind if I leave my jacket in your car?  It’s getting a bit hot out,” she asked as she began unbuttoning her trench coat.  

“Yeah yeah, of course,” Brock nodded, moving to open the backseat door for her.

When Svea handed the handle of the leash to Elias and took off her trench coat, she had everybody staring.  She revealed the dress she was wearing: plunge V-neck, frilled outline, sequin-embellished waistband, flowy skirt.

White.

“Wait…” Brock held his hand up, not bothering to close the backseat door even though Svea was finished throwing her jacket in the back.  Finished and waiting.  He had a confused look on his face.  But then it suddenly hit him.  “Are you guys getting fuckin’ married?”

Svea smirked.  When Grace saw, she screamed at the top of her lungs.  Brock looked at Elias, who was now smiling and laughing at Grace’s reaction.  “Are you fucking joking?”  Elias shook his head.  “You guys are getting fucking married?!  Right now?!”

“Yup,” Elias finally nodded his head.  “You and Grace are our witnesses, and you may or may not need to FaceTime in our parents and siblings.”

If it was possible, Grace screamed even louder before jumping up and down and lunging herself at Svea, who was ready to catch her and hug her.  Brock and Elias watched as she kept changing “ohmygodohmygodOHMYGOOOOODDDDD” over and over again before she finally had the wherewithal to grab Svea’s left hand.  When she did, she saw Svea’s ring: a beautiful yellow gold pave ring with a sapphire halo around the centre diamond – a giant round cut that took up most of Svea’s finger.  She gasped at the sight of it.  “Oh my God this is stunning,” she said, inspecting it before turning to Elias.  “You picked this out?”

“Wow Grace.  You don’t have faith in me?” Elias smiled.

She turned to Svea.  “Our men have no taste.  You have to tell me who picked it out.”

“HEY!” Brock protested.  “I have taste!”

“We went to the jewelry store together.  I chose the diamond and he said to get it bigger—”

“—Good—”

“—and then I wanted the pave band.  But it was Elias who actually suggested the sapphires in the halo.”

Grace nodded.  “The sapphires make it.  They truly do.”  She gave Elias another look.  “Good job Elias.”

“Thanks Grace.”

“So are we gonna do this thing or what?!” Brock asked, clapping his hands together.  “Let’s get married!”

***

The picture was simple, and taken by Brock.  In it, Elias and Svea stood on the steps outside Vancouver City Hall.  They stood side by side, and were holding hands.  Svea held her bouquet by her hip, and in Elias held the leash for Stella, who was sitting in front of them, smiling at the camera.  They were smiling, too.  Formal smiles, mostly, but in Elias’s unabashedness, and in Svea’s absolute pure joy.

Elias posted a simple caption.  

💒

***

@of_pettersson: The Church of Pettersson could have married you!!!  Alas, we bestow best wishes to you and your bride!  

@peteyfan40: pettersson married? What a way to ring in his contract!

@canucklehead406: gotta love that the first thing elias does after signing a contract is get married. Remember that ice and dice when he said he’d never had a girlfriend? What a change

@vancitybaby: ok, so I’m not the only one who think elias looks super cute with his new wife and puppy, right? Like I basically sobbed.

@ThomasDrance: Signs a contract, gets married.  Bride is childhood best friend Svea Nilsson.  Congrats to Elias & Svea.  Bright things are in their future.

@BBoeser16: So happy for my two best friends and to have been there with them <3

@gracegillespie:  I love love.  Congratulations to Elias, Svea, and Stella.

>< >< >< >< ><

Elias and Svea cuddled on the couch.  Svea was in Elias’s lap and Stella was sleeping in hers.  Elias placed a kiss on Svea’s temple.  “I love you so much, Svea.”

She smiled.  “I love you too Elias.”

For at least a moment, everything was perfect.  

[bosspigeon]

38 kiss prompt for juni :) if u want <3

38. relieved kisses

He can't stop staring at his hands, but at the same time, looking at them sort of makes him feel sick.

He's sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, while he waits on the results of whatever tests are being run on him now, but earlier when he went for an anxious pee in the tiny, hyper-sterile hospital bathroom, he almost collapsed laughing against the sink because he couldn't help but mutter "Out, damned spot!" to himself as he washed his hands.

Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him.

It was less funny, after that. Sometimes, Juni really regrets being an English major.

The red hasn't faded. He's pretty sure it's not going to. It's like two big, red port wine stains, from fingertips to forearms. Bloodstains that won't go away. Soaked into his skin, into his veins. He hasn't even begun to figure out how he's going to explain them to people outside the Agency, or hide them.

When a fuss kicks up outside his door, he naturally jolts so badly he slips right off the bed, because suddenly hearing loud, pissed-off swearing after sitting in silence with only his own terrible thoughts for company for what has to have been close to an hour is just a bit startling.

At least it's not hard to figure out just who is causing the fuss, once he climbs back onto the bed and tries to pretend he wasn't just under it once the door bursts open.

Mason's lips are curled fiercely, his hair is a wreck, and he braces both hands on the doorframe as if to block the attending nurse (a man who looks mostly like a very small human, aside from his tufted ears, and his slightly-too-large-to-be-normal orange eyes) from getting inside.

Juni, sitting on the bed kicking his feet nervously and twiddling his fingers, tries for a casual greeting, but all he really manages to squeak out is, "How'd you get past Elidor?"

Mason doesn't answer, but Juni's nurse squawks out a deeply offended, "You can't go in there! We're not finished running his tests!" and then the vampire is pushing him back with one foot, his boot laces dangling as if he'd hauled them on as quickly as possible before booking it here, slips inside the room, and shuts and locks the door behind him. He takes a nearby chair and wedges it under the handle for good measure, before turning his stormy eyes back on the detective while the handle jiggles fruitlessly and the nurse makes noises that sound less and less human the more worked up he gets.

Juni's not sure what to even make of that look.

"Um," Juni offers cleverly as Mason stalks towards him like a wildcat, eyes dark and face clouded, even more unreadable than usual. He looks as if he's drinking him in with his eyes, taking in every inch of him from top to bottom, and Juni really wishes he were wearing something more flattering than a hospital gown and ugly non-slip socks that he's definitely going to steal once they let him change back into his own clothes.

Mason finally stops, a fraction of an inch in front of Juni's knees, and looks down at him like he's...

Like Juni is something. Something important, maybe? Something... something necessary. Like he's coming up for air, like seeing Juni is all he needs to keep breathing.

He feels stupid for even thinking it, stupid and self-absorbed, but he doesn't get much time to start self-flagellating, because Mason is grabbing him by his cheeks and kissing him like he's trying to draw the air right from his lungs, trying to make Juni feel as breathless and unmoored as he is, like he needs to imprint the taste of him on his tongue to assure himself he's still in one piece, that he can still touch him.

Or maybe you're reading too much into things, Juni thinks dazedly, once Mason seems to remember humans do need to breathe. He doesn't let go of Juni's face, though he gentles his touch once he seems to realize how tightly he's holding him.

Juni sucks in a much-needed breath, his lips tingling, the skin around them rubbed raw by Mason's stubble, and he looks up at the vampire wide-eyed and swallows hard. "Your hands are shaking," he murmurs weakly. He sounds far away, even to his own ears.

Mason, again, doesn't answer him, and his grim silence is beginning to ratchet up Juni's already overwrought nerves. Instead, he grabs the detective's hands and yanks them (in perhaps the loosest sense of the word, because there's the urgency, yes, but also a pointed care to his touch) up to look them over. Juni winces and looks away. He wants to pull them back and sit on them, but when he tugs even slightly, Mason looks up sharply, and his eyes look wild.

"This," he growls, jerking his chin down at Juni's red-stained hands, "is enough DMB to down Adam three times over."

Juni swallows hard. He doesn't look down at his hands. "Y... you should be pretty proud of yourself then," he snaps back, but his sharp tone falls flat with how his voice is wobbling. His vision starts to blur a bit, and he blinks furiously in an effort to clear it. Not now. You are not going to start crying now, you useless fucking— "Seeing as it was in you first."

"They wouldn't tell me what happened," Mason says, tossing his hair with a wordless, furious sound. He looks like he wants to rake it out of his face, but he'd have to let go of Juni's hands to do it, and seeing as his fingers are twining between the human's, he doesn't seem likely to do that anytime soon. "Elidor gave me a little, more than he was probably supposed to, but you were— I woke up here. You were gone. The last thing I remember was—" His eyes find Juni's again, and while he still has a look like a caged panther second from throwing itself against the bars, he's beginning to visibly settled. "You were crying."

"I cry all the time," Juni sniffles, smiling weakly. "You know that."

"Tell me what the fuck happened out there," Mason says. Phrased like a command, but it comes out almost pleading. He pulls Juni's head to his chest, like he knows— like he remembers Juni hunched over him and crying, trying to make out the sound of a heartbeat under his owned panicked sobs. He closes his eyes and sinks into it, focuses on the strong, steady rhythm.

Mason stares at him hard, and they've had sex—a fair amount of it, at this point—but Juni's never felt so bare.

And then, like Juni isn't two-hundred-plus pounds of anxiety, Mason lets go of one hand (just one) so he can scoop the detective up and deposit him more fully onto the bed, and crawl on with him, bundling him close. Juni thinks once someone does come that can open the wedged door, they're going to have one hell of a fight on their hands trying to drag Mason off him.

"I don't really know what happened," Juni murmurs into Mason's shirt. He's a little annoyed they let Mason wear his own goddamned clothes, but Juni's got his entire backside hanging out of his hospital gown. As if he can sense the discomfort (which he probably can, perceptive bastard) Mason yanks the thin blanket up to Juni's waist. He mumbles a quiet thanks. "Um... It was just.. We got separated from the rest of the team, and we wound up surrounded. You... You'd already taken a dose. One of them had, like, a dart gun or something, and caught you out when they ambushed us. And then I got damsel'd, as per usual, and when you were distracted, one of them—" Juni chokes. He can't see much, face buried in the vampire's chest, but he can feel the dark shirt growing wet under his cheek. "It was a big fucking knife, Mason. And it was dripping, even before they pulled it out of you." He swallows, and it feels like he's choking down a mouthful of sand. "It's like they were trying to gut you. Like they were trying to make a point." Before he loses it entirely, he says, "I... I don't think they were normal trappers."

"I don't think so either," Mason says, and his voice is so, so soft. It's so good to hear his voice. It takes a minute for Juni to register the hand tangled in his hair, thumb dragging along the line between the shaved part of his undercut and smooth skin, a soothing gesture for both of them, he thinks. "Elidor says you pulled the DMB out of me."

"Before you ask, I have no idea how I did it," he mumbles. It's a good thing Mason's got super-hearing, because Juni's not going to lift his face from the vampire's chest for anything, at this point. Not when he can't bear the thought of being unable to hear his heart for longer than a few seconds at a time. He shifts a little. He's not sure how much he can say about Petrichor, the dying god-thing and its ghostly forest, the deal Juni apparently made to save Mason's life. At least not while they're still in the Agency facility. "It doesn't hurt anymore," he says, to avoid the subject. "It did a lot, at first. I know it's not supposed to hurt humans like it does you lot, but..." He laughs, bitter and just a touch manic. "It fucking hurt, Mason."

Mason makes a noise so soft Juni would almost believe he'd imagined it, if he didn't have his ear pressed right to where it came from. He squeezes Juni's hand, digs his fingers deeper into his hair, and presses his mouth to his forehead and holds it there for a while.

And then they're both out of words, every last one of them completely wrung out. Juni can even be grateful for it, considering Mum's told him he didn't really have a first word, so much as he started talking and just never stopped. (It doesn't sound like something she'd say, more like something she picked up from someone else, and Juni refuses to think about that too hard, especially right now.)

There's a chair under the door handle, and eventually they'll have to move it, and go back out into the world, figure out what the next course of action is. Probably deal with Adam's disapproving glower, Rebecca's pointed stares, Felix's eyebrow waggles, and Nate's overwhelming concern, but, for now, the world is narrowed down to the crowded hospital bed, the two of them tangled together, Juni listening to Mason's heartbeat, and Mason holding him to his chest, as if the proof of one another's continued existence is the only thing that's ever mattered.

[bleh-bleh-blehs]

Forgotten

Peter Parker x Reader 

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Summary-  Your worst fear was of being forgotten and no matter how hard you try you were always forgotten.

Warning- Angst, child loss, major character death.

A/N-I’m sorry if the ending sucked. I was tired when I was writing it. Please leave feedback, Thank you for reading. 

Word count- 1.7k

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 Friends are supposed to be the best thing that ever happened to us right? The answer is no, they are not. How can these people be your friends when they do the worst thing you are afraid of. The fear of being forgotten. They forgot you, didn’t they.

Your crush on your best friend doomed you. He didn’t feel the same way as you did, which led all of your friends to ignore you. You didn’t know why, but they always cancelled your plans on going out together. Stopped inviting you on study dates, movie nights or any other plans that included you.

It hurted you because you thought they would never leave you. Your heart broke when Peter and Mj started dating but they were still your friends right? You were happy for them. Why can’t they see that.

Peter started to ignore you first, then Mj and then Ned and Betty. You tried to talk to them, tried to resolve this but it’s like they never heard you, like you never existed. They didn’t notice how you stopped sitting with them, never noticed how you stopped trying.

______________________________

“You sure you invited them” your husband asked you or more like mocked you. You were embarrassed because you told everybody that your friends will come but they didn’t. They must have forgotten about your wedding too. And they’re not even your friends because your friendship ended in high school right?

You were now married, you knew they would never come to your wedding but you still invited them in hope that they were your best friends at least Peter and Betty were.

You were still hoping to find any familiar face but there was none. You wished you would never ever meet them again. But your wish was not granted. You met him again. 

___________________________

“Y/N” you turned around to see who called and saw him standing behind you, eyeing your belly as you protectively put your arm around your growing child, you were now divorced and five months pregnant. You were at a science exhibition, looking through the projects college students had made.

“Peter” you barely recognized him, he was taller and more muscular than before but his eyes were the same. “I-I didn’t expect to find you here.” You gave him a soft smile. He is still old Peter who can’t help but stutter while talking. “This is an open exhibition Peter, thought might look at the wonderful creation these students made.” You reasoned, which is true  because your parents were worried about you because you haven’t gone out for a while other than your workplace.

“Congratulations on your wedding and baby” he gestured to your belly. You let out a bitter laugh, as he looked at you curiously.”I am divorced now Peter.” How dare he congratulate you now, he didn’t even come to your wedding. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Y/N. May I know why?” Why does he wanna know. “He was cheating on me.” You said bluntly. “I’m sorry Y/N. I-I don’t know what to say.I-I..” “Then don’t Peter. You don’t have to say anything to me, I don’t want anyone’s pity anymore.” Ouch that was rude But Peter was more hurt because of the harsh look on your face. 

He was speechless, he saw that you were on the verge of having a breakdown. He wanted to do nothing but hug, make up for the lost time. He slowly opened his arms, gesturing for you to come closer and you did, you hugged him back, you let your guard down. You need him even when you act like you didn’t, but needed your best friend, needed him to be there for you.

 “I am here for you Y/N, I’m here.” he said and you believed him.

___________________________

Everything was going fine.It’s been two months since you met Peter in the exhibition. You and Peter became friends again. Like high school never happened. Peter took care of you, he was there for all your needs, you and your baby became his top priority. 

He took you shopping and he even asked you to move in with him which you happily did. If an outsider saw you both they may think you both are a happy couple, expecting your first child. You always politely told everybody that you both are friends and that this is not his child. But you wished it was true, that this was his baby and that you both loved each other.

Peter never told you how he felt for you and you never had courage to ask. You were at the clinic today for your routine check up. You were waiting for Peter to come but he was nowhere to be found. That’s odd because he never missed your check ups at least since he met you again.

Peter has been distant lately. He was ignoring you and you were not sure why. Were you too clingy, did you become too emotionally dependent on him. It was like high school again. Why is he doing this again? You were taking a lot of stress because of the sudden change in Peter’s behavior.

You waited for him to come home and talk to him, tell him how you felt. Peter showed up late at night again. He saw you sitting on the couch with your head resting on your palms. You looked tired and more importantly sad. You sat up as you saw the front door open and Peter getting in.

“Where were you?” Peter looked at you totally confused, why were you asking him this? ”Don’t ignore me Peter, I am tired of being ignored” you were starting to get angry. “I was out with my girlfriend.” ouch! This broke your heart. If he already had a girlfriend then why was he treating you like one. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about her?” Peter started to grow annoyed now. “I don’t need to tell you everything. Do I?” You looked him in the eye and then he saw the tears in your eyes, the hurt look on your face. “So, all these days, when-n you-u were ignoring me, you were with her.” You were trying not to let your break.

He said nothing and was just standing there. You took his silence as your answer. “Why do you keep doing this to me, hun.” you were angry now. “KEEP DOING WHAT EXACTLY?” How dare he shout on you. “KEEP IGNORING ME, JUST LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.” You were furious now. You had to let out everything out of your heart now.

“WHAT ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?” “WHAT? YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BAD YOU AND MJ AND NED AND BETTY IGNORED ME BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL. YOU GUYS ACTED LIKE I DIDN’T EVEN EXISTED. AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE MY STUPID CRUSH ON YOU. You shouted it all out. Peter stood there in shock.

“WE DIDN’T IGNORE YOU AT ALL AND EVEN IF WE DID. WHY DIDN’T YOUR LONELY ASS FOUND SOMEONE ELSE?” Peter instantly regretted what he said. “Y/N I-I am sorry.” 

“Get out.” “Y/N please” “I SAID GET OUT AND DON’T COME BACK. AND ONLY COME BACK WHEN YOU REALISE YOUR MISTAKE.” “FINE BY ME” Peter still hasn’t realised his mistake he made in the past.

You sit on the couch again, rubbing your belly. You hear the front door slam shut, making you aware that Peter has left. Silent tears were going down your face. 

You cried yourself to sleep until you felt a sharp pain in your lower abdomen. You let out a shriek as the pain only seems to grow every second. After what seems like 5-8 minutes of trying, you finally stood, only to feel a pool of water and blood under your feet. The pain increased even more now.

You took out your phone and called Peter because he was the last person you called. But Peter didn’t pick up your call. You tried to move forward only to slip on your own blood and hit the back of your on the coffee table. You cried in pain, now it was impossible for you to get up. You just laid there in pain and waited for someone to help you, but nobody did. Because you were forgotten .

___________________________

After what seems like an hour Peter returned. He didn’t come home to say sorry, he came because he wanted his stuff and to tell you that he was moving out

He didn’t find you on the couch, so he thought you had gone to sleep. But then he saw you laying on the floor, he saw the blood and he definitely noticed your unmoving body.” Y/N oh my god. Y/N open your eyes .” Peter was scared now. Is this why you called him? Peter immediately called the ambulance. This was all his fault. 

The ambulance arrived and took you to the hospital. You were separated from Peter. And now it was time for Peter to wait. And he did wait for you. He waited for the doctor to say you were fine. The door opened and Peter looked up in hope of any good news, but the sad look on his gave it all away.

“Mr.Parker, Ms L/N went into premature labour, I think that the labour was so sudden that she couldn’t push the baby out and the baby died, she had also lost so much blood that I don’t think she will survive.”  “Please, please don’t say that.” “I’m sorry Mr.Parker, you say your last goodbye to her.” You can’t die like that, you can’t leave him like that. Peter slowly entered the room looking at your almost lifeless body.

“Y/N I’m so sorry, please don’t leave me, please Y/N. I can’t live without you.” Peter cried as he sat beside you, taking your hand in his. He took in your features, they were not radiant anymore but you still looked heavenly to him. How can he be so idiot,how can he have never noticed  your love for him? He thought. You were now looking at him and his whole focus was on you. He wanted to know your last words desperately.

“You know how to live without me Peter,” and with that you left him. Peter let out a choked cry. You were dead because of. He always left you but now you were the one who left him forever.

[teeztheflag]

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Wolf!Ateez Reaction to the daily life with their pregnant mate

warnings: strong language, argument, angst, inappropriate behavior, impregnating kink, violence, suggestive

a/n: this is connected to the other wolf!ateez reaction to finding their mate; I hope you like it anon! also I included some action

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k i m h o n g j o o n g

Hong Joong is a natural leader so he would try to plan and control everything including your daily routine. You know he normally wants you safe and sound but now that you’re in the sixth month and your bumb is becoming bigger he doesn’t really realize that the tasks are just too much for you.

Everyone in the town is super happy that you’re giving them a future leader or maybe a little princess. The pack members always want to talk to you or give you presents which made a normal shopping tour impossible by now. You can feel the pressure they’re inflicting on you and for gods sake just want some last months of peace but that won’t be possible with the alpha’s brilliant plan for you.

Today was also an enormous stressful day as all the grannies of your pack planned out a full five hour ceremony for you and the pup. You knew some things in Hong Joong‘s pack would be different but this made you feel uncomfortable like never before.

„Y/N?“ Hong Joong sees his mate crying in the living room your head held between your hands and sobs leaving you occasionally. „What’s wrong?“ He crouches down in front of you on the ground and takes your shaking hands away to see your glassy orbs and reddened cheeks.

„I- I cannot do this anymore...“

„What?“

„The ceremonies and gifts and talks and meetings and - it‘s just all too much!“

„Are you serious? I didn’t know... I mean the ahjummas told me you are just nervous. It’s traditional for the luna - “

„Joong! I am crying in front of you and pleading for some peace and everything you can think about is the pack and your stupid traditions! I am not nervous I just don’t want to stand naked in front of some old ladies who are telling me how to raise our baby!“

The alpha‘s eyes turn into a rich golden color and you can see that his wolf is coming to the surface at your little outburst. An alpha usually doesn’t take any shit but you’re his luna and you are indeed able to stand your point in front of him (also the naked part seems odd to him, too). Hong Joong sighs and takes your hands into his ones.

„I didn’t know it was so stressful for you and our pup. I just wanted to follow the traditions of my pack and forgot about your feelings and well-being entirely... I am really sorry my beautiful mate.“

The alpha takes you into his arms and gives you a kiss full of love. „From now on you can decide for yourself what you want to do and I will try to become a better mate. Our pack loves you, they will understand.“

„Thank you, Hong Joong“

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p a r k s e o n g h w a

Park Seong Hwa was a calm and loving mate. He always dreamed of a family with his beloved one and a pup. When the doctor said you were going to get twins he was lost. Your tummy became so big he always feared it would hurt you in some way but you assured him it was fine.

As Seong Hwa had a reputable family background and Y/N not really you slowly became aware of the possessive behavior of his family. Seong Hwa, too, had something slight arrogant to himself but you could handle it. The gatherings at his on the other site turned into a slight inconvenient time for you.

„A boy and a girl! I am so proud of you!“ His aunt said excited.

„Yes, at least one boy.“ Of course, you already expected Seong Hwa‘s parents to want an heir for their prestigious estate but now you feared for your little girl. Growing up in a family where only your son is loved his grandparents was something you wouldn’t want for your daughter.

Your patience was soon at it‘s limit when he and his family continued praising your boy and almost forgetting about the other pup that was in your tummy.

„I am so proud of Y/N! We are going to have the best boy in the world and - “

„Park Seong Hwa, we need to talk.“ You stood up and everyone went silent when you dragged your mate outside into the garden.

„I know you only want to impress you parents but what do you think is our daughter going to feel as soon as she‘s sitting with us at the table if you continue only talking about our son?“

„I - I didn’t consider that.“

„Why can’t you be happy about our babygirl like you’re when we’re alone? I am a girl, too. We’re not any less than boys.“

„Y/N, you know I would never think like that.“

„But your family does. They only see me as the one who gives you heirs.“

„I think it would be better if you go home.“

„Seriously? You know what, I am really going home. Home as in my parents house. You should start realizing that I am the mother and I won‘t allow you and your family to hurt my family in any way!“

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j e o n g y u n h o

Your and Yun Ho‘s relationship wasn’t easy at all. You being the princess and him one of the rogue leaders made it hard for you to live your romance freely. You often wanted to tell your parents but seeing them fighting the rogues more and more stopped you from your plan. You wanted peace, just like your mate, too.

To end the war between the wolves and rogues meant a mind change and you felt like the moon goddess picked the two of you on purpose. Maybe it was your destiny?

When you met Yun Ho that day to tell him the news about the pup you were having he suddenly changed into his wolf out of excitement and happiness which caused tears out of joy into your eyes.

By now it was inevitable to not tell your parents about your mate. It was the right time and you didn’t tell Yun Ho something about your decision because you trusted the king and the queen.

It was a fatal mistake to believe that - your mother only cried when the king screamed and trashed around and like an insane person he ordered the guards to bring you into a prison and lock you away from the rogue leader until he killed him. What was worse, they planned you to abort the pup and marry you off to another wolf.

Yun Ho soon found out about everything and nearly collapsed at thought of not only you being in danger but their baby, too. He gathered as much pack members as possible and made his way to your estate.

„I am warning you one last time King Y/L/N! You’re going to give me back my mate or I will burn down everything here!“

„Your mate? She’s my daughter and the princess! My blood would never interact with your kind and this scum that is growing inside her is going to die like you!“ That was enough to start the attack leaving Yun Ho taking some of the wolves with him to find you down in the basement.

He once saw you like this before and it nearly breaks his heart only this time it’s worse. You lay on the ground unconscious and beaten when he picks you up and flees out of your kingdom.

„Don’t worry my love. I promise no one’s going to lay a hand on you ever again!“

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k a n g y e o s a n g

„Mh, mine.“ Yeo Sang stood behind you his nose deeply nuzzled into your neck and his arms holding you and your tummy.

„Who?“ You feel him smirk and are sure of it when he raises his head and bites your earlobe a little bit.

„Both.“

Today you were having a big dinner with some of the other alphas and their families again. There was one big long table where everyone sat down and as you and Yeo Sang were mates your families now sit together.

You already had a bad feeling this morning knowing your ex would be there, too, seeing your mate being extremely overprotective since you’re pregnant.

You went to the restroom and when hen you wanted to get back to the others someone stopped you holding your wrist.

„Long time no see. The pregnancy suits you, Y/N.“

„Jong Su.“

You turned around and gave him a shy smile. How everything turned out a few months ago wasn’t in your interest, too. Before you can say anything he nears you and lays his hand on your belly making you slightly uncomfortable.

„That should’ve been mine. This bastard really didn’t wait long to shoot his dna into your dirty little cunt, right?“

„Jong S - “ Suddenly Yeo Sang grabbed the boy‘s hand and smashed it into the wall next to you leaving the boy crying and rolling on to the ground holding his hand.

„You better not touch what’s not yours! I thought I taught you last time?! I swear if I see you in her vicinity one more time I fucking break your neck!“ With that Yeo Sang took your hand carefully and guided you to one of the balconies of the mansion.

„Yeo Sang, I am sorry...“

„Why are you sorry? I love you Y/N and he has no right to talk to you or about you like that!“

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c h o i s a n

There was nothing better for him than seeing his mate with her little tummy standing in the kitchen and baking the cake for a garden party with their friends. San sneaked up behind you and before you could stop him he already stole a berry from your topping.

„Choi San! Hands off!“ You clapped his hand away and laughed out loud when he took a berries and ran away from you.

„Mooowwwrry.“ You stood behind the couch whereas he was in front of you on the other site smirking at you while he choked down the rest.

You lunged forward and luckily he caught you with open arms causing the two of you to land on the couch. He layed on top of you holding him up with one arm and in the other hand still some berries.

„Be careful my love! You cannot be so wild with our pup inside you!“

„Ah, now you’re acting concerned? What’s with my cake, hm?“

„Sshh... - “ He pops one of the red fruits into your mouth and grins at you. When you were about to shove him off you he held your wrist still and smashed his lips onto yours.

„I love you so much.“

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s o n g m i n g i

You could say Min Gi was a little bit overwhelmed with the situation first but fascinated at the same time. You still remember how he asked you how this could happen and you started to explain the intercourse to him leaving the two of you laughing the whole evening.

When he first bought the most ridiculous things like clothes for two genders and 50 packs of diapers he was now doing pretty good. Min Gi calmed down a little bit and started to read books and asked friends for advise. By now you probably didn’t even need to take care about anything because he planned out every detail.

Min Gi and you got closer while exploring the forests in your wolf form. His wolf went crazy everytime he saw your grown stomach - a typical natural instinct of possessiveness. Sometimes he got so excited he nearly climbed you on your trips. He had such a huge wolf so you were afraid that some day he would accidentally crush you.

„Be careful!“

„Ah, I am sorry... I cannot control myself. I think heat‘s coming.“ His wolf let out small whines while he let himself bump on the ground.

„Aish, Min Gi... Please don’t be sad. I didn’t mean it like that and I only think it’s not a very good idea to do it in our wolf forms right now.“

„You mean, human would be ok?“

You cuddled yourself into his side and licked his ears. Suddenly he jumped up and began to heckle like a maniac.

„Then let‘s go home so I can have some fun with you.“

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j u n g w o o y o u n g

Although Woo Young was the wolf prince and his daily life was often spent with office work and meetings he was quite childish when being alone with you. That doesn’t mean that he’s not mature enough but he likes to make people happy and is a friend of positivity.

Oh, and you always knew when he got home because of the sentence: „WHERE ARE MY BABIES?“

Woo Young also resembled the perfect father in your eyes - every evening when the two of you sat down on the couch and watched a movie he told you about all his future goals and what he wants to do with your little son when he’s finally there.

He also helped you a lot when your stomach grew bigger and bigger and took care of the house duties when it became too hard for you.

Maybe the sweetest part of the pregnancy was how Woo Young liked to talk with your tummy. He used every chance to lay his ears on it and feel the little kicks of your pup. His eyes grew bigger every time something happened and he looked so fascinated.

After the tough time the two of you had your mate was able to make you trust him and give you the love and family you never had. All the hate was gone and replaced with harmony and safety.

„Y/N?“

„Oh god, no ‚Where are my babies?‘ today?“ You chuckled at him while planting the roses in your garden. When Woo Young didn’t respond you got up and watched him smirking at you mischievously.

„Just you wait. Someday you’re going to say it, too!“

„My prince stop being a nuisance and help a pregnant girl.“ Your mate grabbed you by your waist and turned you around so your faces were only centimeters apart.

„You’re not some pregnant girl. You’re my pregnant princess and like I said, we‘re meant for eachother and it shows.“

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c h o i j o n g h o

„You’re kidding me.“

„No, you can see it here.“

„Yeah, more like I can see nothing.“

Jong Ho was totally overwhelmed with having a girl instead of a strong wolf boy. He didn’t even consider it beforehand and now reality crashes down on him. A girl? He’s pretty much busy with protecting his mate and now he has to protect two females?

At home Jong Ho enters after you leaving the keys on the side table and watches how you clap your hands and jump a little bit.

„Isn’t this great? The baby is healthy for now and it’s going to be a little girl! We can chose names if you want I already have some ide - “

„You’re really happy?“

„Choi Jong Ho, I know that voice you’re using. What’s wrong?“

„Y/N, you know me. I know there are many other boys like me outside and I am afraid of having a daughter! I don’t want her to meet a copy of myself and that sounds very wrong but I hope you know what I mean...“

„Jong Ho... First you’re not that bad - I mean, you were a big playboy before you met me but, the point is, you changed.“

„Yes, after I met you. When is she meeting her mate? She’s going to make mistakes. She will meet some asshole who breaks her heart before he comes.“

„Well, I wouldn’t say that you were pretty nice to me before my birthday but that doesn’t matter anymore. And don’t believe you are the only guy, I had my experiences and they make us stronger. It’s okay, that’s life. Why don’t you use your fear to turn her into a strong and confident girl?“

„You think I am able to?“

„Of course. I believe you can do everything. You made me fall in love with you if that’s not proof enough I don’t know what’s then.“

With that you both start laughing and he whispers a small ‚okay‘ while you give him a peck on his pouting lips.

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↺ back to navi

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[fellhellion]

can you make a rec list of your favorite fe3h fics? if that's alright?

OF COURSE I WOULD LOVE TO <3 always happy to give my fave works a shoutout <33333

Though mind u this is going to be a LOT so ill pop them under a cut

from the heart in exile

TLDR: platonic hubert edelgard fic that haunts me. It’s extremely good with really well written character voices and focuses on these two characters trying to find out who they are beyond the war with their friends refusing to leave them behind

Summary: 

You can’t speak just yet to whether time—and age? experience? not that war or rulership have given you much of the latter, at least in the area of gardening—has made your thumbs any less brown, but the house in the Oghma Mountains is surrounded by so many growing things it hardly seems to matter. It sits at the edge of a forest, on the gentle lower slopes, and the people in the nearest town had all smiled to speak of it when they pointed the way for Hubert, the day you arrived. A number of them were old enough to remember what it had been like, years ago, in the warm and golden before, and to insist that it had not changed in the ways that mattered. It was still full of light. The air still smelled green.

In which Edelgard keeps a garden, Hubert learns to fly, and those they leave behind refuse to be left behind.

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Watchtower

TLDR: platonic fic and amazing sylvain character study. Like genuinely one of the best i’ve ever read. If you’re someone who really wanted a deeper exploration of Sylvain’s feelings about Dimitri this fic is for u. 

Summary: 

When Sylvain is six and a half and climbs to the top of a tower with no one’s hand in his, he realizes that each and every one of the people he loves has been born as a gift to something else. Dimitri was born for Faerghus, and Felix was born for Dimitri. Glenn was born for the royal family, and Ingrid was born for Galatea and for Glenn. He realizes, too, that what they’re for decides their future. Dimitri will lead them into a better world. Felix will guide his path, and Glenn will protect his life, and Ingrid will bind her future to theirs.

And Sylvain, who was born for the border, will stand in a watchtower. He will see the enemy before it comes, and he will keep Dimitri and Felix and Ingrid and Glenn safe.

Dimitri reappears after five years. Sylvain knows it's his role to fix the mess they're in, but he doesn't know how.

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little light

TLDR: really good exploration of flayn and seteth’s relationship (+ with his wife and flayn’s mother) pre canon (also post canon if i remember right) just a really good if heartbreaking family fic 

Summary: 

"She is beautiful, and she is perfect. It is foolish to say so, because the goddess herself says perfect beings cannot exist - but Cichol knows now she must have been wrong, because his daughter is perfect. They name her Cethleann. In the old tongue, it means 'light.'"

Cichol, Cethleann, what they lost, and who they became.

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conjure the wind, ease my mind

TLDR: this author in general writes FANTASTIC work so pls check out their whole repertoire. a platonic fic between holst and claude w an exploration of claude’s past that’s just so good....found brotherhood i am WEEPING 

Summary: 

“I’d like to know what’s wrong. I’d like to help if I can.”

Calculating green eyes lock onto Holst’s own, but this time they’re laced with something a little bit like resignation

Many people call Duke Riegan a liar, but Holst feels like he knows the young man a bit better than that. To call him a liar is wrong, you see, because all Claude has ever really done is master the art of giving up as little of the truth as possible. He keeps truth close, treats it like a valuable commodity.

“I have three brothers,” he says. “Half-brothers.”

***

Claude won’t spar with Holst and Holst wants to know why.

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my fellow passerine

TLDR: same author as before and just...god this fic is so good. a platonic exploration of the relationship between Claude and Cyril. This fic has it all: found brotherhood, worldbuilding about Almyra, Claude character study, CYRIL character study. it’s just fantastic 

Summary:

Then the Alliance delegation shows up, and their offering strolls through the gates of the monastery like he already owns the place.

A reminder, for those who need it: Cyril is not an idiot. He has good eyes and he uses them.

An observation, for those who want it: The Golden Deer house leader is Almyran.

~

Cyril knows a lot more than he lets on, Claude is far less covert than he thinks he is, and messing with the guy your parents told you was a possibly-unkillable demon-prince isn’t usually supposed to earn you a lasting friendship but hey… life is already pretty damn weird.

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Autotomy

TLDR: god this ferdibert fic just fucking...destroys me. i cannot get through it without crying at least twice and usually more. it’s basically a CF canon divergence with a heavy HEAVY exploration of ferdinand and hubert’s perspectives towards usefulness and how abelist thinking affects that in their efforts to find Shambala after Ferdinand loses his sight from one of Hubert’s experimental spells. All while falling in love. this fic is VERY fucking heavy, please mind the tags, it’s amazing but it’s subject matter is something you need to be very aware of. Also i would highly reccomend reading the prequel to this fic as it provides some critical context to Hubert’s actions that you don’t get through Ferdinand’s flawed pov. Basically this author is a master of character perspective.

Summary: 

Ferdinand von Aegir's war record ends in 1182. The war does not.

Or, blind man's bluff.

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Coming of Age

TLDR: same author as before and god...just my FAVOURITE ferdinand character study. Takes place within the period Byleth is away. I don’t want to spoil anything but it’s incredible. Mines the fantastic character drama hook between Edelgard and Ferdinand that canon DIDNT rip

Summary: 

Ferdinand was a general. In theory. Edelgard had promised him continued command of his battalion, and a general needed a certain measure of wealth to supply his horses, his servants, his armor and rations and lodgings and, she’d promised.

But his father sat rotting in a cell, or worse, and it could be nothing more than a fable they thought him simple enough to believe. What did promises matter?

When the house of Aegir collapses around him, Ferdinand struggles to forge a path forward. He quickly discovers he can't manage it alone -- and neither, perhaps, can Edelgard.

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Another Life

TLDR: same author AGAIN (can u tell theyre my favourite fjsdhfk). Ferdibert fic, a man loving his partner and trying to figure out the best way to support them as they silently wrestle with questions about their gender identity is something that can be so PERSONAL and make u CRY god. also dark flier hubert my beloved. 

Summary: 

Ferdinand notices things. He cannot say what he notices, precisely, because he has no one to ask, and if he were to ask Hubert it would damn well result in every questioned moment up and vanishing forever behind a new wall of prickly austerity. Ferdinand cannot risk that. The things that he notices stick in his chest, and he thinks only, but.

Hubert wrestles with unasked questions; Ferdinand wrestles with a pegasus.

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Beneath the Sheets of Paper Lies My Truth

TLDR: Dimilix fic in my FAVOURITE fucking format of secondary in game historical sources exploring their relationship in retrospective.

Summary:

It was said that Duke Fraldarius’s grief at King Dimitri’s death was more potent than even the queen’s—but said by whom, and how, and why?

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A Fair Day’s Work

TLDR: Post CF Canon ferdibert where Hubert and Ferdinand’s overworked aides desperately try to get them together so they’ll be too busy being uhhhh AMOUROUS to give them so much work. Very much a romantic comedy with very fun OCs as our protags. 

Summary:

“I may have some coffee in the place for you,” said Prime Minister Aegir. “Let me show you how much better I have become at brewing it to your taste.”

“If you insist,” said Minister Vestra but he sounded pleased. To Delarivier, who had literally made it her profession to attune herself to his tone (usually ranging from sort-of-murder-y to extremely-murder-y), Minister Vestra sounded very pleased indeed.

--

Ferdinand and Hubert's long-suffering aides figure out a way to work fewer hours.

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Roost

TLDR: Dimilix post AM Canon with some pre canon moments. Basically an exploration of the complexity of their relationship with bird symbolism and extra Holy Kingdom lore. Gifting ur lover a vulture is something that can be so personal fksdhfsjkd

Summary:

Dimitri makes an affirmative noise. Then he takes a breath, voice leveling out into what Felix had long ago dubbed his 'future king voice', all steady explanation: “Long ago, the saying fledged right along with the nobles' and royal family's love of hawking, and it has remained a common phrase from one generation to the next. As adviser to the king, the duke is meant to be regal and strong, even deadly when required, from his place at the king's side. To always act as the most piercing, watchful eyes over the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus and her sovereign."

He looks over to Felix as soon as his mouth snaps shut on the final word, as always seeking approval on his recitations.

Felix tilts his head, trying to look unimpressed. “I like eagles.”

A hand automatically comes up to cover the lower half of Dimitri's face, muffling the inarticulate sound of a snort of amusement. “That is good, since you are to be mine.”

***

They say an eagle watches over Fhirdiad.

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A faint and faraway sound

TLDR: Ferdibert with an excellent Hubert centric character study....just so good...makes me warm and fuzzy...the mutual pining and ROMANCE of it all

Summary: 

Hubert learns to be a person, with a lot of help and complication along the way.

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In golden light

TLDR: A really REALLY good ferdibert fic with ferdinand centric pov that focuses on him reflecting on his life as he prepares the Aegir house to become a boarding school. Ferdinand sibling exploration is ABOUND here and it’s great

Summary: 

When his family's summer home at Lake Aegir is set to be converted to a boarding academy, Ferdinand pays it one last visit and contemplates his complicated relationship with family, love, and legacy.

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one three four three four zero

TLDR: the fic that actually got me into dimilix. VERY heavy character study and you NEED to mind both the general fic tags and the content warnings the author lists for each chapter but it’s incredible. Takes a very familiar trope and just. slams you in the face with over 60k words of amazing character study. 

Summary: 

“How are you going to get the One-Eyed Demon of Garreg Mach, the Boar Prince of Faerghus, smuggled past Dukedom soldiers? What plan could you possibly have to get a creature that incapable of even pretending it isn’t a bloodthirsty beast into Dominic without getting caught?”

The Professor gives him one of their steady, unreadable stares. They definitely do not and could not possibly have answered him, “You’re going to pretend to be married to him.”

or, How to Pretend to be Married When One of You Can't Stop Hallucinating and the Other One Uses Hostility to Cope

[ashistrashhh]

here are some fic recs!! including sakuatsu, bokuaka, kuroken and matsuhana bc i couldnt help myself

if you want, ask me about a certain ship and ill give you some recs!

-sakuatsu-

Marble and Sandstone by red_camellia

rating: G words: 12,937 chapters: 2/2 

author summary: Miya Atsumu only cares about volleyball and nothing else. That is, until he develops a strange obsession with the marble statue of a young man that seems vaguely familiar in his university's arts department. One day that statue comes alive as the very real Sakusa Kiyoomi, and they are left with the mystery of why Sakusa Kiyoomi was turned into a statue and only came back to life when Atsumu touched him. Their new-found connection and the strange mystery turns Atsumu's life upside down, not least because of his growing feelings for Sakusa.

my notes: this was a rlly cute fic!!! 11/10 would read again!!

let it go (paint my body gold) by lunarism

rating: T words: 3,272 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It becomes a routine for them. Sometimes they go grocery shopping and make dinner together, other times they end up talking until Sakusa feels like his own shower and bed is calling him. Every single time Sakusa gets home, shrugs his coat off, balls it up, and proceeds to scream profusely into the fabric for a few minutes.

my notes: pining!!! sakusa!!! also casual painter!atsumu!!! and they paint together!!!

craft a miracle with these hands, lips, (silence) by chrysanthe (sonderesque)

rating: T words: 4,252 chapters: 1/1

author summary: ‘Someone is here to ruin your night,’ his door tells him. ‘You should let them in.’ “I’M HOMELESS OMI-OMI. HOMELESS,” yells the one here to ruin his night. “LET ME IN.”

(What does Kiyoomi sell his sanctuary for?)

my notes: hnnn rlly fuckin cute,, and domestic,,,,

Clipped To You by littleboat

rating: T words: 8,174 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It starts with Hinata Natsu, of all people.

Well, if Atsumu’s being honest with himself, it started way before that, but he’s not, so that’s besides the point. And thankfully, he’s just petty enough to blame all of his problems on a thirteen year old girl.

or Sakusa starts wearing hair clips and Atsumu is more than a little obsessed

my notes: minor kagehina, bokuaka // god these fics rlly make me simp for fictional characters even more than i should. but!! sakusa!!! in hairclips!!! and a pining atsumu!!!

learn how to lay me down in something other than danger, other than fury by rosevtea 

words: 34,211 chapters: 1/1

author summary: All of the ways fellow college TA Miya Atsumu reinvents Kiyoomi's definition of normal.

my notes: god i loved this. it’s a fake dating au and like,, even though they’re “dating” sakusa keeps letting his guard down little by little around atsumu and it surprises everyone. komori and akaashi just know  that they’re were genuinely pining for eachother

among probabilities and a thousand fates by aalphard

rating: T words: 15,675 chapters: 1/1

author summary: prompt fill for “in a world where the red string of fate exists, person a’s finger always twitches when person b, who can see the string, tugs on their string” | or sakusa thought he had a tic and atsumu liked to see his confused expression when it started to happen exclusively when he was around.

my notes: i! loved! it!! so basically atsumu and osamu have the rare gift of seeing the red string of fate, so they know its real but sakusa, like most other people dont believe it exists. so atsumu gives sakusa a (kinda) hard time. rlly cute!! i love soulmate aus!

-bokuaka- 

love in the time of wifi by dalyeau

rating: G words: 4,177 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Akaashi is coming to terms with the fact that he might be romantically interested in his volleyball captain. Hence, doing what any sixteen year old with a problem should do. He asks about it online.

my notes: really cute fic about akaashi asking what he should do about his crush on a site similar to reddit. its kinda a “i didnt know it was you” kind of fic and it made me happy

steam by orphan_account

rating: E words: 8,474 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

 bokuto: why is he so hot bokuto: why am i so gay kuroo: LMAO you mean your vice captain right bokuto: yeah

The coach blew the whistle for practice to begin, and Bokuto drummed his fingers against the bleachers, awaiting Kuroo’s reply. He was about to walk away, when his phone buzzed in his hand.kuroo: i got this bro bokuto: what bokuto: wtf does that mean

Bokuto started to panic.

my notes: explicit!!! but really wholesome. kuroo is honestly the best wingman. i also think this is my favourite bokuaka smutfic?? 

just to miss the sun by rosevtea

rating: T words: 15,126 chapters:1/1

author summary: Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

my notes: akaashi is a booktuber and bokuto crashes one of his streams. fans begin to speculate. rlly fluffy and can u tell i like bokuaka

brain fish by iceblinks

rating: T words: 12,026 chapters: 6/6

author summary: Akaashi wakes up to a string of texts from an unknown number. 

my notes: i love text fics and i love wrong number aus so u can tell how much i loved this. really fluffy and i come back to it time to time

-kuroken-

us three by honey_s

rating: T words: 5,137 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo’s gaze flits over to the utensil. His eyes bulge out of his skull. “Wh—is that a meat hammer? Put it back!” Akaashi’s head recoils back in confusion. “I don’t understand the problem here.” “Why on Earth have you got a fucking meat hammer? We aren’t going to kill somebody!” “Well,” Akaashi begins, clearly taken aback, “I apologise for assuming. I had heard Kenma-san had been hurt in school and after getting a message from both of you to meet late at night, I merely filled in the blanks and assumed we were going to beat someone up, for lack of a better term.” “Not literally! I meant metaphorically, or figuratively, or something!” “Idiomically?” “That isn’t a word, Bokuto-san.” “Jesus Christ,” Kuroo groans, dropping his head into his hands. “We're going to jail."

my notes: bokuaka and kuroo are ready to beat someone up for kenma!! and we stan!! 

Cherry Pits and Cat Tattoos by strawberryriver

rating: G words: 6,141 chapters: 1/1

author summary: 

Kuroo has been in communication with his soulmate ever since they were kids. They've known each other for so long that he never really worried about when or how he would meet them. At least, not until he meets the roommate of Bokuto's soulmate.Soulmate AU in which things written on your skin show up on your soulmate. Companion piece/same AU as Serendipty

--------------------

Kuroo Tetsurou liked to write on his arms. Despite his mother's half-serious warnings about “ink poisoning” or staining his skin, he insisted on marking his arms and legs wherever he could. Not like his best-friend-since-always Bokuto Koutaro, who had to write on his arms or he’d forget to breathe, but artfully. He’d draw designs, animals, the occasional chemical compound. The whole idea behind soulmates fascinated him: how one person could mark their arm and someone potentially thousands of miles away, would have that same mark appear. The amount of articles, studies, and books he’d read about the topic, even at a young age, could put an undergrad researcher to shame.

my notes: again with the soulmate au bc i cannot help myself. but really cute!!! probably gonna read this again later!

Boom, Toasted by protostar (hearthope)

rated: T words: 6,782 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

 FROM: yuuji any bets on who hes texting??

FROM: eita He's smiling at his phone. Kuroo, probably

FROM: kentarou Kuroo

TO: fake family Have any of you ever once considered not prying

FROM: eita You deserve it

FROM: yuuji how can we not when ur in love!!

Kenma gets a text from an unknown number. He'd be lying if he said the guy behind it wasn't kind of endearing.

my notes: again, i love wrong number texts. it focuses more on kenma’s friendship, but kenma’s pov with texting kuroo is more than him realizing feelings and stuff. really cute, ive read it multiple times. 

Japan's most subscribed by NeverNothing

rating: T words: 3,631 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo Tetsurou @blacktetsurou changed his bio : volleyball player, co-owner of Bouncing Ball Corp. and so much more ;)

my notes: i! love! social media! fics!!! really cute and basically people wondering who the mysterious kuroo is to applepi. 

MATSUHANA!!! the underrated gem

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic

rating: M words: 2,119 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Hanamaki breaks his No Texting In Class rule, and it's all downhill from there.

my notes: honestly more funny than it suggests, but its matsuhana, they’re meme lords.

rated m for by orphan_account

rated: T words: 10,692 chapters: 1/1

author summary: He should have known that there was a Specific Reason™ why it was so absolutely vital that he and Matsukawa specifically meet for a reading of the script. He should have known that there had to be some evil catch beyond sitting in a tiny, cramped studio with his newly sworn enemy.

Hanamaki stares at the title of the script he’d so gracefully neglected the night before.

FORBIDDEN PARADISE

“Excuse me,” Hanamaki starts, raising a pen in the air while staring blankly at the packet in his free hand. “Just to clarify, you want me to record a boy's love CD with Matsukawa?”

my notes: a very good voice actor au. there is some misunderstanding on hanamaki’s part bc he didnt finish listening to matsukawa, and this is really cute and i love matsuhana. 

In A Quiet Night, All Sounds Carry by levyovochka

rating: E words: 4,794 chapters: 1/1

authors summary: “Ah, ah, Too—!”

Hanamaki hates his university dorm.

“—ru, let me cum, please!”

Hold up. That’s a fucking understatement. Let him rephrase it: Hanamaki loathes his university dorm with passion. Detest the damned abomination, abhors it—

“—ru! Coming, coming—”

It has only been a month and Hanamaki already wants to die.

my notes: as u can guess minor iwaoi // rlly well written and bottom hanamaki rights and maybe my favourite matsuhana smutfic??? and hooh boy i simp for matsukawa

call me maybe by totooru

rating: T words: 33,689 chapters: 14/14

author summary: Hanamaki texts the wrong number when trying to extort tips out of Oikawa in order to defeat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling, and then continues to text the witty stranger who had answered.

my notes: minor iwaoi, daisuga, bokuaka // god i think this is my favourite matsuhana fic overall, maybe in general, but my god is it great. this is probably a common rec, but its understandable as to why it is. basically au where makki texts matsun (who goes to karasuno) instead of oikawa for tips to beat iwaizumi at an arm wrestling match. but they keep messaging. and holy shit i love their conversations. please read this, it is 256/10

there we go!! i might go a part two with more ships (kagehina, tsukkiyama and iwaoi) but this took up way to much time lol. i have an essay due in a couple hours. but hope u like these fics as much as i do!!

[ifliamsmile]

Jealousy - Dick Grayson Imagine

summary: titan!reader have a past with cyborg or whatever and dick is reeeeally jealous (they’re in a relationship) and ignores her and she gets all touchy and needy (maybe a little smutty)

pairing: Dick Grayson x Titan!Reader

Warning: cursing, smut and mentions of fighting.

notes: anony, i’m sorry the delay. I had internet issues, hope u like it xx

When duty calls, you come running.  

The Titans were on their way to meet The Justice League after Dick received a call from Clark. The thing was, Darkseid was back and they needed to work together to stop him from destroying earth. Clark decided that they should meet to find a way to do it together.

Bruce decided to send a private jet to take you guys so it would be safer. It was morning when you arrived in Washington and there were already two cars waiting.  Dick was driving one to take you, Gar, Rachel and Conner while Donna took the other with Dawn, Hank, Jason and Rose.

“Ready?” Dick asked you smiling resting his free hand on your thigh while the other held the steering wheel.

“Ready” you replied with a smile.

[10a.m, Justice League’s Base, Washington DC]

The base door opened and you  got in to see Clark, Diana, Barry allen, Victor Stone and of course, Bruce.

“Diana” you ran to her freeing your hands from Dick’s as the black haired woman smiled to you hugging you back. She was always so sweet to you.

“Son” Bruce greeted Dick giving him a little hug.

The other Titans greeted the league as well. Dick was by your side now with one of his hands on your waist.

“Guys, we called you here to explain the whole situation. Darkseid’s troops were located somewhere on eart, which lead us to believe he wants to invade our planet and take all of it’s magma to apokolips.” Clark explained the titans as they paid close attention to him.

“Son of a..”Jason said.

“Watch your mouth, Jason” Bruce scolded him as he rolled his eyes to the old man.

 You laughed looking at Dick, who would normally laugh with you, but right now he was too busy staring at Cyborg with killer eyes.

You felt like an idiot for not noticing sooner. The boy was staring at you ever time since you arrived. 

 Dick was completely pissed off. You felt his hands pulled you closer by the waist without breaking the eye contact with Victor, so you put your hand on top of his, looking at him trying to say  “ignore it” but it was useless because Dick kept staring at him. It couldn’t be good.

You could say Dick was a jealous boyfriend, but never enough to escalate more than just a angry stare, he was too polite for this. But the thing was: you and Victor Stone had a little something in the past when you first got in Titans/Justice League.

He was one of the first heroes you met while you worked for  league; you both hit it off pretty well.

You had a lot in common and became good friends even had a one night thing; feelings were never involved but he was a good guy and a good friend.

One week later, Bruce introduced you to the Titans and you met Dick. He trained you and the both of you spent a lot of time together and you eventually fell in love with each other. 

Clark finished talking about the plan and the tension between the two boys kept growing, you hoped you were the only one that noticed how the boys were looking at each other.

“So we’ll stay here on earth, receiving and sending information to you guys in Apokolips?” Donna asked Clark.

“Yes, we will need you guys to guard the earth while we go there” he answered Wonder Girl.

“Seems like a good plan, Clark.” You said “Right, Dick?” you asked the boy trying to put his attention on you.

 And if it couldn’t get any worse, Victor was now staring back at him.

 “Uhm...yeah,sure.” He answered  looking at Superman “We’ll give you all the support, don’t worry.” he spoke in a serious tone.

With the plan already made up, the Titans were ready to go back to San Francisco. When you were saying goodbye to the others Dick who was by your side, heard the voice of the only person he didn't want to hear talk.

“It was a good to see you again, Y/n.” Cyborg told you ignoring your boyfriend’s presence. 

Dick was quiet, trying to control himself.

It wasn’t some toxic “I’m the only one you can talk to” thing, it was more “You don’t know what he really wants to do with you”. 

“Hey Victor” You gave him a half smile trying to be polite.

 “You are looking beautiful as ever” he replied. This was too much even for you. You knew Dick was completely able to hold his anger to solve it in home but you couldn’t be sure if he was going to keep it now. How could you even react to this?

You felt Dick’s hands gently pulling you away from Victor and him

“I’m sorry, are you trying to flirt with my girlfriend? Have you lost your mind?” Shit. Dick’s voice raised and the veins in his neck appeared for a second as he pushed Cyborg. Your mouth dropped as you watched the scene, you stood paralyzed and all of the attention in the room turned to the both of them.

Cyborg tried to push him back but he’s stopped by Flash who grabbed his arm to stop him

“Hey, hey, calm down, babe. It’s fine, let’s go home” Attempting to calm him down, your hands were now on Dick’s chest. He kept the same confronting position “Please, Dick” you were looking at him but he was so pissed off that he couldn’t look at you now, he stared at Victor stone with a deathly look.

 “I’m sorry man, don’t get me wrong-" Cyborg tried to speak trying to show  he didn’t mean any harm, but Dick wasn’t dumb and he wouldn’t take it in silence.

“Cut the bullshit” Dick told him before he could finish the sentence. 

He grabbed your hand, walking out of the base, not looking back.

The whole way back home was silent. Dick didn’t want to talk about anything that happened. His eyes were focused on the road and his jaw was clenched, he was furious. You couldn’t help but noticing how sexy he was when he was pissed off.

You tried to put your hand on his thigh looking at him, but you received no answer. 

Back in the tower, he went straight to your shared room with you hot on his heels. 

You watched him put his jacket on the armchair. He sat on the bed with his elbows  on top of  his thighs, the annoyed expression didn’t leave his face for a minute and he only got hotter. You took your jacket off and made your way to him without saying a word. His eyes followed you, observing your acts as you stopped in front of him, looking into his eyes. 

“I’m mad now, y/n. Not a good time” he told you without looking at you. He was serious about it. That much was obvious. The furrowed of his brows, the flare of his nostrils, and the hard set line of his mouth made it clear. 

“I know, babe. Let me help you, okay?” You had lust on your eyes, seeing him angry like that got you all hot and bothered.

You pushed him back to the bed and straddle his legs. You started to unbutton his shirt, giving wet kisses all over his neck -which felt so hot right now- with little bites, and god he smelled so good.

He tried to ignore it and hold himself trying to punish you, but you could feel the bulge on his pants getting bigger. You rolled your hips against his member and he couldn’t keep it anymore. He put his hands on your ass, pulling you closer. 

You took off his shirt and kissed him, your heart almost dropped when he switched your positions, he was now on top of you. You let a moan escape as you felt the weight of his body on yours.

“You think I didn’t know his intentions with you?” he kissed you intensely

 “He thought he could fuck you good but i can fuck you better" he said in your ear with his voice choked in mix of pleasure and jealousy.

He took off your shirt while he attacked your neck, you unbuttoned and opened the zipper of his pants as the kiss got hotter, caressing his member as he tried to muffle his moans kissing your breasts. He moved away a little to take off his pants and boxers and got back making a trail of kisses from your belly to your lips.  You and him were closer than ever, skin on skin. No clothes coming in-between, it was just you and Dick.  You wanted to feel that love, the desire, the passion and feel him forever. 

He spread your already wet pussy with two fingers, making you moan. He started pumping his fingers with rhythm  making you arch your back, moaning softly, you were already coming when you heard his voice.

“Could he make you come like I do?” he looked deep in your eyes, and the only answer you were able to give him now, in your state of ecstasy was nod your head  “no”.

He was on top of you again, you pressed your lips against his, looking at his brown eyes filled with lust, he stared at you with hungry eyes. He closed his eyes, placing his hands on your hips, 

He thrusted into you deeper than before making you lose your breath for a second, you moaned at the same time and you felt the grip on your hips, moaning louder.

“Shh” he said moving deeper and harder, he moaned against your neck  “Tell me you’re mine, you’re my girl” He slowed his moves. Dick was taken by the pleasure and you couldn’t help but surrender too.

“I’m your girl, Dick” You said “Fuck me, please” you begged for more, you needed him and he did it, he thrusted harder and harder, and you both came together.

Your sweat bodies were almost turning into one right now.

“My girl” He said kissing your lips.

[kythed]

hi gwen!! congrats on your milestone! i just recently followed u bc of ur fic "an age of miracles" which made me break down yesterday,,, it was so good TT it's so painful and beautiful—i don't know how to put it into words but—:(((<3 i'd say more but this might get long and i had to redo this ask bc i lost the first ask i was going to send u ㅠㅠ but yeah,,, that fic,,, hurts but its so good</3 esp when osamu came into the picture c': i cried and couldnt focus on anything for a while after that LMAO

again, congrats on ur milestone! i'd like to participate in your event:)) can i req 🍡 ? lyrics would be "if there was a place that i could call home, before i die, you oughta know, it'd be in your arms tonight" from soren by beabadoobee and charac is osamu!:) thank you gwen! congrats on ur milestone sending lots of love n take care<3

oh my hello there! thank you so much! i’m glad you “enjoyed” age of miracles LOL! and believe me, it hurt just as much to write </3 oh, and i wrote an assassin au for your drabble! i hope you like it!

+

Osamu has nice hands. You realize this as soon as you grab his for a firm shake, looking into those steely eyes with just a glint of mischief. 

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he says, a half-smile creeping onto his face. Your face is warm, but you return the shake, cocking your head inquisitively. 

“I look forward to working with you, Miya-san.” 

+

Osamu has nice hands. They look especially elegant wrapped around the base of a gun, finger hovering over the trigger. You watch him hit target after target at the company shooting range, striking down each human-shaped plank with the precision of a viper. An embarrassing heat sinks into the pit of your stomach when he turns back to you with a grin, snatching off his protective glasses and shaking the sweat from his forehead. “Your turn.”

The heat twists and contorts itself until you’re nearly nose to nose with him, chewing on your bottom lip with mock innocence. Without breaking his gaze, you raise your arm and take aim. When the gun goes off, you both turn back towards the range. A smoking hole gapes from the forehead of one of the targets.

Osamy cocks an eyebrow. “Impressive.”

“And to think,” you say, examining your nails. “I wasn’t even trying.”

He laughs. Oh, he likes you. 

+

Osamu has nice hands. The night after your first mission together, they trace their way down your sides, lightly brushing your waistband as he presses his lips to yours in a heated kiss, making a small noise in the back of his throat when you pull him closer. 

“God,” you breathe when you break apart. “You’re so annoying.”

“Is this just because I eliminated our target before you even got a chance to identify him tonight?” Osamu’s voice is laced with amusement. He slips a finger beneath your bra strap. 

“Partly,” you say, shivering when he leans in to brush his lips below your collarbone. “But partly because you’re just fucking irritating.”

“In a sexy way though.”

“Oh, definitely,” you say, and that’s the last word you get out before he pins you to the sheets. 

(You don’t get much sleep that night.)

+

Osamu has nice hands. They’re very capable, too. They can fold laundry, whisk an omelette, take the dog on a walk. Your shared apartment is kept neat and welcoming by their virtue, cheery yellow curtains and lilies on the kitchen counter every Sunday. 

“Hey, pretty girl,” he says, coming up from behind to kiss the nape of your neck. It’s early, but not so early the sun isn’t yet shining its benevolent rays across your living room. “Sleep well?”

“Mhm,” you hum, nursing a cup of coffee. His t-shirt hangs below your knees, swishing softly as you walk to the counter and hand Osamu his own mug. “Two sugars.”

He smiles and lifts the mug to his lips, blowing softly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you, you know,” he says, coming to sit beside you at the counter. A stack of unsent invitations reminds you of the diamond that sits on your left ring finger, catching each stray ray through the window. 

“I know.” You smile and cross off one more square on the calendar hanging on the wall at your right elbow. Two more weeks. 

+

Osamu has nice hands. Even pale and shaking, they’re lovely and slender, agile and competent. He reaches out to run a finger beneath your eye, wiping away a hot tear. It’s two days before your wedding, and he’s lying in a pool of blood. His own blood. 

“Hey, no,” he says, struggling to get the words out. “It’s fine. You’re gonna be fine.”

An ugly sob tears from your lips. “No, I won’t be. Not without you.” 

“You will be,” he says firmly, looking up at you. His head rests in your lap as you desperately try to staunch the flow of blood from his stomach. “We always knew this was a possibility. Risk of the trade.”

“It was supposed to be our last mission,” you choke out. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this.” 

“I’m sorry, love,” he says. His voice is quiet now, breathy and faint. “I’ll miss you.”

“I love you,” you say, kissing him for the last time. 

His lips are cold, but he kisses back and smiles before closing his eyes, letting the lids flutter gently. “I know.” 

+

You come home alone that night, setting your work bag on the kitchen counter and resting your gun alongside it. After washing your face and kicking off your shoes, you head back into the second bedroom and softly make your way over to the bed in the corner. 

“Hey, lovey,” you breathe, but your five month old daughter remains sound asleep. Her fingers curl over the edge of her blanket, and your throat grows thick. “You know... you have your father’s hands.” 

[sambergscott]

i'll promise that i'll love you for the rest of my life

one giving the other flowers, as requested by @rosalitadiazz AGES ago, also dedicated to @397bartonstreet for the initial idea of amy sleeping in/just being the best and @nine-niall for helping with the marriage highlight reel.... and for making me listen to heartbreak weather on repeat for the last few days and coming up with this title

happy anniversary to jake and amy!!! (also since the ep aired 2 years ago today i'm not *technically* late thank u very much)

One million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes after marrying Amy Santiago (or, two years), every moment is as wonderful as day one. He still feels the same rush of excitement when he sees her waiting by their car at the end of a shift, the same swell of pride when she introduces him to someone as her husband, the same “oh my god we’re actually married” moment when he catches her rings glinting in the sunlight. It’s been the best one million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes of his life. And while he appreciates every single second they have together, knowing how in their line of work things can change all too easy, their second anniversary presents the perfect opportunity to remind her that everyday he gets to be with someone as amazing as her is crazy to him.

He has flowers, a handmade card, he even hoovered and she’s still asleep.

She never sleeps this late.

Everyone knows she’s the morning person in their relationship and he’s the Get Out Of Bed After Snoozing The Alarm Seventeen Times person. They live together, share a car, and yet most mornings he ends up riding the Subway, squashed between an old woman and a nerdy looking guy who smells like he hasn’t showered in a week, Amy rolling her eyes when he gets to work mid-briefing. The rare days she can get him out of bed early usually involve some kind of bribery using food and/or sex.

The point is, he’s supposed to be the one sleeping in past 11 AM, but ever since their doctor prescribed Clomid to help stimulate ovulation and boost their chances of making a baby, their roles have been totally reversed like Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday.

Pregnant Amy falls asleep anywhere and everywhere. The couch, the car, the cleaning cupboard at work when she was trying to find some Nuclear-strength cleaner to remove the stench of Charles’ lunch from the air before she hurled again.

She could sleep all day if he let her and he quite easily could. She looks so peaceful and cute and free from the stresses of her family asking why they waited so long (well, long for Santiago standards) to start a family. Plus, the messy hair and tiny bit of drool on her chin are impossibly endearing in the way only she can be.

He smiles and wraps his arms around her, resting his head on his shoulder, his hands - like his thoughts - drifting to her growing bump as they inevitably always do.

This time next year they’ll be celebrating with their little boy or girl, telling them all about the insane, magical day that was May 15th 2018. Of course, it might be some time before they can fully grasp the TV-worthy drama of the creepy phone call, the bomb in the vent, the ex-boyfriend proposing - twice! - and the wall of Amy photos, but they will sure as dammit know how beautiful their mom looked in her dress and how happy their dad was when Grandpa Holt finally announced them as husband and wife.

“Can’t breathe,” his wife squeaks, finally awake. “Arms too tight.”

“Oops. Sorry, babe.” He kisses her by way of apology; sometimes when he gets to thinking about that day, about seeing her walk down the shredded paper aisle under the glow of fairy lights, surrounded by the very people who watched them fall in love, he kind of forgets where he is and what he’s doing.

She’s always had that intoxicating effect on him. That’s never gonna change.

“Time is it?” She yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

“Twenty five to,” he pauses to brace himself for her reaction, “...twelve.”

“Twelve?” Horrified, she moves to get out of bed and yeah, he knows her so well. “Let me go,” she huffs in frustration when he forms a barrier to keep her from leaving.

“No can do, Santiago,” he says authoritatively. “You’ve been working yourself to the bone and you’re pregnant. You need to rest. We’ve both got the day off, our dinner reservations aren’t until 8. Just let your husband take care of you for a couple of hours.”

She chews on her lower lip, making her contemplative face that he recognises from sitting opposite her for so many years, preferring watching her piece together the leads in a case rather than work on his own. “Fine,” she eventually concedes. “Happy anniversary, by the way.”

“Happy anniversary,” he returns the sentiment, kissing her again because, well, he can, one of the perks of marrying Amy Santiago (alongside a perfectly organised sock drawer and getting to hang out with the best person in the world 24 sevs). “I got you these,” he adds, procuring the daffodil bouquet he found online.

“Jake,” she sighs dreamily, placing the flowers on her nightstand. “They’re beautiful. And my favourites.”

“I know,” he smirks. He may not be Santiago level smart, but he’s smart when it comes to all things Santiago. “Also made you this.” He hands over the card.

She opens it, instantly tearing up at his sweet message inside, the dam bursting when she notices the scrawled message written with his wrong hand from their unborn baby. “Mine sucks in comparison,” she laments, passing him his card before locking her eyes back on the words ‘happy anniversary to the world’s best mama’.

“It does not suck,” he reassures her, clutching it to his chest. “I’m going to savour it for all times. I want to be buried with it.”

She rolls her eyes, drying her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I thought you wanted to be buried with your original copy of Die Hard.”

“OK, Die Hard and your card. Rhymes for a reason, Ames.”

“You’re such a dork,” she responds, stifling her laughter. “Can’t believe I’ve been married to you for two full years.”

“I know.” He grins. “What was your favourite part?”

Her eyes glimmer with excitement and love and memories of their first anniversary before things turned upside down. “Are you suggesting we do a marriage highlight reel à la NBA inside stuff?”

“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. I’ll go first. NUMBER FIVE,” he yells in his spot on Ahmad Rashad impression, earning a giggle from his wife. “Number five is that dress you wore on my birthday. Your butt looked the bomb in it.”

“Thanks, babe.” Two years in, she’s used to the constant “your butt is the bomb” comments, often uttered at the most inappropriate of times like when she stands up to brief the squad or play soccer with her brothers, much to her chagrin and their delight.

“Number four,” she quickly moves on. “The time you taught me to play Mario Party and I beat Wario on the first try.”

“That was my worst moment,” he groans.

“And that’s why it’s my best.”

He sighs, considers debating it, engaging in the classic back-and-forth that is the very foundation of their relationship, but it’s moot. She was way better than him. Santiago’s learn fast. It’s in their genes or something. And despite the crushing disappointment when she beat Wario with ease and dork danced her way to the kitchen to grab them both an orange soda, it was still a very fun night and a worthy moment in the highlight reel.

“Number Three. The York murder.”

Immediate understanding spreads across Amy’s face, but he explains anyway.

“I spent three days working that case and you just came in, saw the board and solved it right away.”

“I’m very smart,” she jokes lightheartedly.

“You are,” he agrees, his voice coming out softer and sincerer than even he imagined. “I love that about you. I love your brain. I love how good you are at your job, at figuring out puzzles. I love that you listen to NPR and know so much about the font Helvetica and have read, like, a million books. I love that you do a crossword every night and I love how proud you look when you give me a sports clue and I actually get it right. I love cheering you on at Trivia Nights even when Kylie can’t stop glaring at me. How lucky am I to have the smartest wife in the world?”

Touched, she can barely compile her thoughts to reveal her Number Two.

“The night at Shaw’s, at Hitchcock’s second divorce party, your speech, the way you kissed me, the way you were so gentle when we got home,” she sniffles. “It was special and made me feel so loved and if I say anymore I’m going to cry again, so you go.”

He chuckles knowingly. The pregnancy hormones have been making her extra emotional lately, they can’t even watch commercials anymore without her fully weeping. And while last year Pam and her twisted bowels interrupted before they could get to Number One, this year Number One is obvious. Clear as day. And there’s no one to interrupt.

He pretends to think about it for a minute (because he will always love teasing her, married or not). Only when she grabs his arm and digs her nails into his skin does he put both their hands on her bump and smiles. “Obviously this little guy or gal is Number One.”

She smiles back at him, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

His own face falls. “Ames?”

“It’s been a hard year, hasn’t it?” She sighs, thinking back to calendars and fertility appointments and the strict no nacho policy.

“Yeah,” he says, “it has. But this next year is gonna be the best one yet.”

“I mean... We’re probably not going to sleep a lot.”

“You might not sleep a lot but I sure will,” he teases, his words falling flat. “Just kidding, babe. Obviously I’m going to get up for all the feeds and diaper changes and whatever else this kid throws at us. Gonna be there for you both. No matter what.”

The pregnancy hormones strike again and she starts crying and, honestly, he can’t wait for this baby to get out, for more reasons than one.

“BRB, I’ll go make your favourite breakfast to make you feel better, don’t grow anymore body parts while I’m gone.”

He returns seven minutes later with pancakes, a ton of fruit, decaf coffee and another kiss. He climbs back into bed, devours his own Nutella pancakes and posts his favourite blurry, drunk on Champagne and love selfie from their makeshift wedding reception at Shaw’s, on Insta with a caption about how he promises he’s gonna love her for the rest of his life.

And he keeps that promise.

[alisnmoon]

WINTER TASK + SELF PARA : : But. But!  

Who : : Carmichael Davis, Allister Davis, and Gigi Brandt

Location : : Scotland and wherever Gigi is 

Timeline : : December 24th, 2020 to December 27th, 2020

Word Count : : More than three

“ But. But! “ Premise : : Carmichael Davis goes back to Scotland to spend break with his younger brother Allister Davis while their uncle Montgomery Davis is still undergoing physical therapy. Their time together starts off nice and the two catch up, sharing details that have happened during the months they spent apart. However, due to the careless words said by Allister Davis, an argument and physical fight breaks out between the two. Carmichael Davis then calls Gigi Brandt as he leaves Scotland, heading back to Gallagher earlier than he expected. tw: death mention and violence

This is strange, the feeling of lost. While Cyrus wasn’t his friend or anyone close to him, he was still a fellow student. He’s heard of the deaths during the spring semester and over summer break, how the students just expect for someone to lose their life while attending Gallagher. Death shouldn’t be the norm, not while you’re in school, that’s what he thinks. Out in the field, actually working as an agent, death is something you prepare yourself for. But as a student who’s simply learning? You should be safe and feel safe while at school.

“They’re traumatized,” he says to himself, staring outside of his cab window. “Normal students wouldn’t think like that, agents in training or not.”

He feels bad for them, the Gallagher students, but he would never say that out loud. The others would only look at him strangely, think that he’s gone soft. Honestly, he’s sure that they already see him as soft, weak even because of his relationship with Gigi. Which he guesses is fair, maybe he is soft but what’s wrong with that. Not like he’s the only one in relationship with someone or even keeps another person close to them.

Maybe they’re all soft and none of them wanted to admit it? Who even cares at this point.

His cab comes to a stop, the driver telling him that they arrive at his stop. Stepping out of it, he thanks the other as he drives away, before he turns to look at his surroundings. North Berwick, still the same small town that he’s grown up in. With the same neighbors, homes, and barking dogs. And that very similar dark red, two story house whos ground plan he memorized. Of course he did, it’s his home after all.

Unlocking the door and walking inside, Carmichael is met with an abnormally quiet house. “I thought he was going to be here,” he says to himself, closing the door behind him. “I guess I was wro—“

His words fall short, as he hears someone say “ ow “ farther into the house. Tilting his head to the side, he goes to where the voice came from, careful steps taking him to the kitchen. There, he sees an all too familiar back, one similar to his own. “Allister?” He calls out, the other’s actions pausing before he turns around. In that moment, Carmichael is met with a face that mirrors his own. With the same long brown hair and deep blue eyes filled with curiosity and fire. Eyes and smile that instantly lit up at the sight of the older boy.

“Carmie, you’re home!” And in a flash, the younger of the two throws his arms around his brother, bringing him in a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Carmichael doesn’t hesitate to hug him back, pulling him in tightly. When was the last time they were able to hug like this, July maybe? He misses it, his brother, breathing and able to walk on his own. Alive and well.

Allister is the first one to pull away, a wide grin on his face as he looks over his older brother. “Look at you! You look good— wow, I can’t believe you look better in that shirt than I do.”

He laughs gently at that, shaking his head at the others words. “No way, I can’t pull off your clothes like you do,” Carmichael assures him. “Your crop tops? Still can’t do them, I feel weird in them.”

“That’s just your inner toxic masculinity talking! You’ll get used to them in no time.”

“This is coming from the straight twin, I see…”

“Why you…”

Jabs and nudges, loud laughter, smiles, eyes that shine brightly, and an instant connection that the two missed. The Davis brothers are back together and nothing could top that moment of serotonin for them. “Come on, I’ll help you unpack! We can talk while we do so, oh, tell me all about Gallagher.”

“I’ve already told you everything—“

“Yeah, in our chat and over the phone but it’s not the same! I want to hear you talk about in real time, to see your reactions about everything,” Allister says, already taking the lead to the stairs. “Come on, I need something that isn’t hospital gossip.”

“There’s such a thing as hospital gossip?”

“Yes and it’s terrible. I mean, it’s interesting but only for so long.” A dramatic sigh leaves his lips just as Carmichael just rolls his eyes. “Now come on, tell me everything!”

So he does exactly that, tells Allister everything. About his progress when it comes to the mission, to the people he’s met, to working with the other agents, and also his classes. Allister listens carefully as he pulls out shirts and pants from the suitcase, creating a separate pile for dirty and clean. He’s focused, not just on the task at hand but also the words leaving his older brother’s mouth. Carmichael knows that he’s storing each information quietly into little mental drawers in his head. For someone so destructive and disorganized, he’s somehow good at what he does. Carmichael wishes that he was like that too.

“So Cecilia knows, about us?” Allister asks as his brother nodded his head. “Oh boy, this doesn’t sound too good for me. I bet she’s extremely angry.”

“Oh, you don’t even know the half of it.” Though, Carmichael takes most of that anger is at Allister than him. Well, actually at both of the Davis twins. “She said that she won’t tell Eva and Cole, so it’ll be a secret between us.”

A moment of silence as Allister picks up the dirty pile and places it into a hamper. “Trust her, Cecilia isn’t the type to break a promise like that,” he says, talking as if he and the younger Casragi are close. “If she told that she won’t, then believe her.”

“And what if she does?”

“Then kill her.”

His heart stops, eyes growing wide at the serious tone and expression that his brother is displaying. But only seconds later that the younger boy cracks, laughing hysterically. “I’m just kidding,” he says in between laughs. “If she tells then she tells, no need to go crazy over it.”

It’s a joke and he should laugh at it but he can’t bring himself to do so. He’s reminded of Suzume, the Japanese princess that pins him to the wall in one of the secret passageways. How she tells him that he tried to murder her years ago, that she could never forget his voice or accent. Of course, he doesn’t believe her, unable to even fathom that Allister Davis could even try to assassinate someone. But hearing his brother’s voice, seeing the look in his eyes and how serious he was, he almost believed it. Because that joke sounded too real, as if he’s already done this before.

And it scares Carmichael for a minute, that Suzume could be right. That his younger brother, the goofy and dumbass twin, had done it. But the thought doesn’t last for long as he shakes the idea away. He knows his brother, better than anyone else in the world. Carmichael knew everything about Allister, he trusts the younger boy. Why would he trust the words of some random girl?

“Just hope that you’re able to get into the school’s system before the two find out your true identity. Don’t want them screwing up your name mid conversation.” Clearing his throat, Allister put on his best British accent, pretending to be Cole in that moment. “Oh hey, Carmichael there you— Oh, bloody hell, I meant Allister not Carmichael. Let’s hope that no one else heard that.”

He laughs then but it’s softer and not as strong. Almost forced. Worry clouds his senses. Worry, doubt, questioning, all of it. He wants to ask his brother about it but he couldn’t figure out how to say it. So he leaves it out, the information about Suzume and his failed assissnation. He’ll do some research on it later, whenever he gets the chance.

“Are you hungry? Because I am.” Carmichael stands to his feet. “Let’s go out into the town, yeah?”

“Yes, of course, you don’t have to ask me twice!”

. . .

The rest of the day is spent looking around their small town like old times. Talking to their neighbors, going to the grocery store together, and then eating out. Despite his own tiredness and desire to just rest, Carmichael remains awake, enjoying his time with his brother.

He doesn’t say it but seeing others at Gallagher with their siblings, especially twins, made him miss Allister even more. It’s like the old times again, where they’re inseparable, glued to the hip like when they were children. One of the locals even made a comment about that. “Haven’t you boys tried to spend anytime apart?” The twins gave each other a look, trying their hardest not to snicker loudly.

If only he knew.

Carmichael took notice of how his brother was walking that night. How the other walked with more care and slower than usual. He would take his time, sometimes even falling behind the other, to where Carmichael had to slow down for him.

Oh, how much have changed since the accident.

When they finally arrived back home, a movie was put on in attempt to watch it. But Carmichael ends up falling asleep on the couch after ten minutes. By the time he does wake up, it was when the TV was shut off and a blanket was placed over him.

The next morning rolls around, being the start of Christmas day. Gifts are exchanged between the two boys, Allister going first as he pulls out a large bag. “I swear to God, Al, if it’s something weird—“

“It’s not, I promise! You’re going to love it!”

He’s not too sure about that but doesn’t say anything else. Pulling apart the wrapping paper and then opening the box, his movements come to a pause at what’s inside. “You got me… a skateboard.”

“Not just any skateboard, a signed skateboard! And it’s custom made with your virus logo on it, turn it over.”

Pulling it out of the box completely, he turns the skateboard over to see what his brother is referring to. And right there, he’s met with the logo that he created at the age of ten. It’s a creepy smiley face with drips leaking from it’s mouth, eyes, and the bottom of its face. Right above it is Sam Beckett’s signature. “H-how did you get this?”

Allister shrugs his shoulder, obviously proud of his purchase. “Oh, you know. I just reached out to my best friend Sam and he signed it with no problem.”

Carmichael smiles. “Thank you, Al, I really appreciate it.” Putting the skateboard to the side, he then pulled out his gift for his brother. “Here’s yours, hopefully you’ll like it.”

“I’ll love anything you get me.” Beat. “Unless it’s clothes, I would kindly ask you to return them. Sorry, Carmie, I just can’t trust you when it comes to— Oh.”

It’s in the middle of his rambling that he sees the gift. A beautifully painted picture of Allister and Carmichael Davis, from when they were fifteen. One of their best pictures where the two boys had shoved cake into each other’s face, angry with each other over something stupid. But seeing how ridiculous they both looked, the boys laughed loudly, their anger instantly disappearing. Without their knowing, Montgomery had snapped a picture of that moment.

It became one of Carmichael’s favorite pictures with his brother.

“How did you—“

“Let’s just say that I know an artist.”

The two laugh at their words, gifts are put away, clothes are put on, and they’re both out the door. There’s one member of their family that they’re missing so of course they have to go see him.

“Oh, you got a text,” Allister says, phone in his hand as Carmichael drives them to the hospital out of town. “From Gigi, oh, your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Allister says, smirking. “She’s my girlfriend, thanks for reminding me.”

He doesn’t like that either, frowning slightly at his brother’s words. “Whatever. What did she send?”

“Just a generic Merry Christmas text and her saying thanks for the gift— what did you get her?”

“Just jewelry, nothing much.”

But it was much to him. Gigi was his first friend from Gallagher and someone who he cared for deeply. He still remembered how she tried to help him find his earring, how serious she was that day. Because of that moment, and many others, he got her earrings. Very small and simple, he was sure that she would throw it out after one use.

Carmichael wants to offer the idea that him and Allister have. Where one wears one earring and the other wears the second one. Though, he realizes how that might be too much for a relationship that wasn’t even real, so he went against it. Swallowing that idea into the depth of his mind.

“I told her Merry Christmas and that she’s welcome,” Allister says. “Anything else you would like me to send, Mr. Boyfriend?”

“Al, shut up!” But the younger of the two doesn’t, he’s laughing loudly at his brother’s reaction. It was not that funny, goodness.

Time goes on until they’re at the hospital and are able to see Montgomery. Carmichael gives him his gift, which is a painted picture of Montgomery with Eleanor when she was still alive. The two were so young and proud, even despite their living conditions. It’s definitely one of Carmichael’s favorite pictures of the duo, so it’s no wonder that he gets it painted. Allister gives him a gift too though Montgomery doesn’t like it too much. But it doesn’t matter too much, as long as they’re all safe and soft.

The rest of Christmas becomes just him cooking as Allister cleans. Time is set to the side to FaceTime Gigi and letting her talk to Allister pretending to be Carmichael Davis. It’s strange, being here to watch his brother pretend to be him. So used to seeing it over the phone, this is completely different. It makes him feel nauseous for a bit that he’s glad that he’s able to take the phone from the other and go to his room.

He almost makes the mistake of going into the room belonging to Carmichael Davis, that he remembers to go to the one belonging to Allister Davis. There he talks to the other for a bit, just sharing details about their winter breaks and Christmas gifts that they got. He thanks her for his gift ( whatever the fuck it is ) and she thanks him for hers.

He’s happy right then and there. But the happiness doesn’t last long as his brother knocks on his door, asking if they can talk. So he hangs up on Gigi, telling her that she’s more than welcome to call him later whenever she wanted.

“What’s up?” Carmichael asks, throwing the phone onto the bed.

“We never got to talk about the mission in full,” Allister says, putting on a serious demeanor. “Has Mr. Stewart given you further instructions?”

“Yeah, it’s right here.” He goes into his book bag, pulling out the letter that he received just before leaving Gallagher. Giving it to Allister, he watches as the other carefully reads over the letter. “My mission is still the same, nothing about it has changed.”

“I guess that’s a good thing…” Allister says, handing the letter back to him. “I wouldn’t expect him to give us a new direction, it would be pointless. We’re the only hackers on the team, it wouldn’t make any sense for him to do that.”

Carmichael doesn’t let the pronouns that his brother uses go over his head, how the other made this about them. About Agent A/C instead of Agent Carmichael. “I know but I’ll be able to get through it, just trust me.”

“I’m not sure about that.” He raises an eyebrow, watching as Allister crosses his arm over his chest and closes his eyes, deep in thought. “If you couldn’t get through the system this semester then who knows if you’ll be able to in the spring.”

His jaw tightens at that. “You don’t think I’m capable enough to do this?”

“Honestly? I don’t,” Allister says. “Which there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just more difficult than either of us were expecting. I should be able to get through, don’t worry.”

“Oh wow, thanks,” Carmichael says, frowning deeply at this point. His mind was reeling and heart is racing as the words fall from his mouth. “Happy to know that you actually believe in me.”

“I do believe in you but—“

“But. But!” Carmichael’s voice is raising, catching both him and Allister off guard. “But he says! But as in he’s going to disregard his previous message about me. But! But what, Allister?”

The other boy furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because you don’t believe in me,” he continues. “You don’t believe that I can do this.”

“I do believe in you—“

“But you said but! That means you don’t!”

“No, I do believe—“

“But—“

“I—“

“But—“

“Carmichael—“

“But—“

“Would you shut the fuck up and let me talk!”

It was a game, a power struggle between the two of them, as they try to one up the other person the entire time. Their anger showing in their expressions and voices. Carmichael wants to feel silly for letting his emotions get the best of him, to break away and apologize but he cant. Because these are emotions and thoughts that have been sticking with him for months now. Of feeling unworthy, unwanted, incapable, and more when compared to his brother. So to have the other say that, he cuts him deeply. Deeper than anything else.

“God, what’s gotten into you? Why are you angry at me?”

“Because you think that you’re better than me,” Carmichael says, getting into the other’s personal bubble. “You don’t think that I can do this like you, that I’m going to fuck this mission up.”

“I never said that—“

“You implied it! You implied that I would mess up and get us all caught—“

“God, Carmichael, now you’re just putting words into my fucking mouth. I did not imply that or anything.” He can see it, the passion in the others eyes, the fire that burns brightly and violently. Of how hot it was and how it could easily consume him. He should’ve stepped back, not test the other anymore than he was but he doesn’t stop. He keeps pushing because he’s a fucking idiot.

“You did imply it, that’s why you want to switch back.” Something he does not want to happen. “Because you just know that you can wrap this mission up faster than anyone else. Way faster than me apparently. Admit it, that you think that you’re better than me.”

“No, I won’t—“

“Admit it—“

“Carmie—“

“Admit it!”

“Car—“

“Admit—“

“Okay, fucking fine, yes I think that I’m better than you. No, I know that I’m better than you,” Allister says, giving into his own rage and chaos. “It’s not like you were put onto this mission in the first place. Mr. Stewart put me in, not. This is my mission so yeah, I should be the one to go back and finish it.”

There it is. He switches from “ our “ to just “ my “, of course he would. Because it’s their mission when it’s Carmichael out there but it’s only his mission when Allister is the one out there. “Are you happy now?” Allister says, voice lowering just as quickly as his change into the rage and chaos. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

It is but at the same it isn’t, he’s not sure anymore. He’s silent, eyes hard and cold as Allister just sighs deeply before putting on a smile, attempting to lighten the mood. “Look, I’m sorry for saying all of that and I do believe in you. It’s just… Mr. Stewart did give me this mission because he knows that I can do this so that’s why I’m acting like this, that’s all.” He reaches for the others' hands, squeezing them gently. “Now come on, let’s go downstairs and start cooking, I’m starving.”

He tries to pull Carmichael to the door but the other doesn’t try to budge. So grounded and feet rooted into the ground, he doesn’t want to go anywhere. There’s a numb and hollow feeling in his chest that he hates it here. The numbness travels throughout his body, controlling each part of him. Mouth included as words that he’s been trying to keep to himself fall out.

“Is it true that you tried to assassinate Suzume Minamoto?”

Allister goes still and tense, his grip around Carmichael’s wrist going limp. “How do you know that name?”

He doesn’t mean to say it, he wanted to figure it out for himself and to see if it’s actually true or not that. But the words are already out of his mouth and there’s no going back. Especially when Allister doesn’t try to deny it. “So is it true?”

“Carmichael,” he says, disregarding the other’s question. “How the fuck do you know that name?”

“S-she’s a student at Gallagher,” Carmichael says, pulling his wrist away from the other. “I met her, well, apparently she said that we already knew each other. That she could never forget my face or my accent, even said my full name without me introducing myself. Well, she said your name, Allister Davis.” It has a bitter taste to it. “So answer me, is it true that you tried to assassinate her?”

The look is back, the one from earlier when he joked about murdering Cecilia. “It’s true,” he says. “Emphasis on ‘ tried ‘ since obviously she’s walking around still. More of a reason why I should go to Gallagher so I can finish the job, or maybe I should notify her father about this.”

“Are you fucking serious right?” Carmichael shouts, obviously appalled at the others' words. “You want to go back to assassinate her again? Are you fucking crazy?”

“She knows who I am, Carmichael! We have to get rid of her so she doesn’t get in the way of the mission.”

“No, we can’t do that. One has already died, Allister, they’re undergoing an investigation right now. If you murder her then you’ll only make the situation worse for the team.”

“Minamoto walking about, alive and well, will make the situation worse, trust me,” Allister says, the wheels in his head turning. “I need to get rid of her—“

“Stop talking like you’re a fucking assassin, Allister.” His chest is tight and he feels nauseous because of this. “We’re agents, double agents to be specific. We don’t murder people—“

“I’ll do anything for Caledonia.”

And he grows silent, no words able to fall out. “Do you want to know the difference between us?” Allister continues. “The reason why Montgomery comes to me for missions is simple: they come to me because I’m not afraid to die. I’m not like you, a boy who fears death. I’m the boy that death fears.

“That’s what makes me a better agent and so loyal to Caledonia because I’ll put my life on the line for it. That’s why I’m the better agent because of—“

He punches him, right in the mouth with no sort of hesitation. Allister falls to the ground, not expecting it, before his eyes cloud over with anger.

The commence the fighting that breaks out. The two boys throwing and punching at each other. Allister is still weak but puts up a fight. It’s Carmichael who gets the most punches in and wins, throwing his brother down to the ground one last time. They’re both breathing heavily, eyes watching each other before Carmichael walks out of the room, going straight for his own.

. . .

He doesn’t sleep that night, he can’t actually. Instead, he’s packing his bag again, just putting random clothes into it, not even caring to figure out which belonged to Allister Davis and what belonged to Carmichael Davis. He just throws it into the suitcase before wheeling it downstairs. He found a plane ticket to head back to the states at the last minute, it cost him a lot of money but he didn’t care. He needed to get out of this fucking house.

Once downstairs, he pulls out his phone and calls Gigi because honestly, he just needs to talk to someone. And the main person he usually reaches out to is the one he’s pissed at.

“Hey babe,” she says once she answers. “What’s up? Why are you calling me so late?”

“Just wanted to tell you that I’m leaving Scotland early,” Carmichael tells her, looking out the living room window to see if his ride is waiting for him. “There’s been a change of plans.”

“What, why? Did something happen?”

Hands run through his hair, groaning softly. “I just… I got into a huge fight with… Carmie. A really bad fight where we both said some hurtful things about each other. Don’t really feel comfortable with staying here anymore.”

“Are you serious right now? Do you want me to go after him for you? Because you know I can and will.”

He laughs gently at her words, grateful that she wants to fight in his honor. Though, he’s not sure if he likes it that she wants to fight ‘ Carmichael Davis ‘. “No, it’s alright, seriously,” he tells her. “I kinda already did that already….”

“OMG, you fought your brother? Like, a physical fight?”

“Why do you sound so surprise—“

“I don’t know, you just don’t seem like the type to hurt someone! I just see you as that weak computer nerd—“

Their conversation over the next few minutes revolves around the two of them joking and poking fun at each other. It’s something he needed to pull his mind away from his argument with Allister and he’s glad that Gigi doesn’t ask him about it, though, he knows that she will once they’re back on campus. And it’s not like he can open up to her about it, about the real reason why he fought with his brother. He would just have to come up with a lie until then.

“My ride’s outside,” Carmichael says to her, sitting up from the couch. “I’ll text you when I get to Gallagher.”

“Okay,” Gigi says. “You know, if you want, I can meet you there too—“

“No, enjoy your break, I know that you’ve been looking forward to this. I’ll just see you when you get back,” he tells her. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so.” A beat before she continues. “Hey Allister?”

“Hm?”

“I’m here for you, you know that right?”

He doesn’t say anything at first, just blinking a few times before smiling widely. Not an Allister Davis smile but a genuine Carmichael Davis smile, one that he doesn’t display that often. “I know,” he says. “And I’m here for you, Gigi.”

The two hang up and he grabs his luggage to leave the house. As he rounds the corner, he’s met with Allister standing in front of the door, giving the other a hard stare. The corner of his mouth is no longer bleeding which is good, he guesses. “You’re leaving.” It’s a statement not a question.

“Obviously enough since I’m not welcomed here.”

Allister opens his mouth, ready to say something to make it worse but stops himself. Instead, he just unlocks and opens the door. “Then leave,” he says. “And remember this Carmichael. You’re on your own from this point on. If you fuck up, it’s on you so good luck with my mission.”

Carmichael shoves the other out of his way, walking out of the door and to the car waiting for him. No byes or love you’s are said, the two boys just leave each other on a bad note. The door is slammed shut and the car pulls away, neither one of them looking back at the other.

And in this moment in the car, away from his brother and Gigi, it’s when he finally brings himself to think about what happened. How his own insecurities got the best of him, pouring and spilling before his brother, prompting the other to admit that he was better. Just because Carmichael Davis is weak, constantly pushing himself down as he compares himself to his brother. No one else is comparing the two, other than him!

But it doesn’t excuse how others genuinely like the other more and trust him with things. From Montgomery and Mr. Stewart who gives Allister missions, ones where he basically puts his life on the line every time. How Gigi, Ting, and Cecilia like the personality belonging to Allister than his own. That even Cole and Eva likes this version of him more than anything else, that the two like Allister over Carmichael. Or maybe it’s his version of Allister that they like but either way, it’s Allister Davis over Carmichael Davis.

And he hates that so much.

Then final piece to this fucking puzzle is the fact that his brother tried to assassinate someone years ago. How he swore up and down that his brother would never, ever do such a thing. But there he was, standing there and admitting to his crime, not even ashamed of it. ‘ they come to me because i’m not afraid to die ‘, the words replay over and over in his head.

It feels as though he’s finally meeting his brother for the first time. He’s always sworn that he knew everything about Allister, that he knew every little secret and small fact about him. But this, right here and now? He feels like a stranger when it comes to his own twin brother. Nothing about him makes sense anymore, he’s not even sure if he can trust the fucking guidebook that the two of them made for each other. It’s probably filled with fucking lies too!

What more is the other hiding from him, he wants to know. He needs to know because what the fuck even is the point of no secrets between family? Between brothers, between twins? Because all of this is absolute—

A tear hits the back of his hand, pulling him away from his thoughts. He didn’t even know that he was crying, so out of it, so numb. And they don’t stop either, the tears continue to fall like a soft stream before pouring out. No matter how much he tries to wipe them away, they keep coming. He finally gives in, just letting the tears continue to fall and his head down, not wanting the driver to see him so vulnerable.

That’s how he feels, vulnerable. Weak, useless, incapable, insecure, dumb, unloved, broken, and so many more things.

So he cries and allows for those emotions to consume him. What else can he do? Nothing, nothing at all.