#we are literally driving a day and a half there
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“My dad was a happy drunk.” The crackle of his inhale is right in your ear. “At least when he was still doing it regularly.” He holds the cigarette over for you to take. “I don’t know what he’s like now…like that.” He peters off for a moment, shimmying his shoulders across the old hardwood so one touches one of yours.
Laying oposite each other, heads in the crooks of each others necks, he glances over to see you staring holes through the ceiling.
“He never treated me like shit, not like that, like other kids. I can be grateful for that.” He takes the cigarette back from you when you hold it over his face. “It was after my mom died. It’s like he realized suddenly I could talk back and he forgot to treat me like a kid.” It’s his turn to stare at the ceiling while the ember dances around his words. “I was very suddenly his best friend. Always called me ‘pal’ but now? When he was home? It was like I was on the barstool next to him.” He’s not gonna cry about this. “I hated that shit.”
Another hand off, only this time he digs out his own smoke so you two can be in a haze together.
“So by the time I got to middle school, I didn’t have a dad, I had some guy who sometimes lived in the house with me.”
“Wait, you were living alone?”
He turns his head when you break your hours long silence, nodding as best he can while laying on the floor.
“Yeah. I didn’t move in with Wayne until ‘85.”
You stare at him for moment before turning back to face the ceiling.
“Anyways, it was a Fourth of July thing with some of his buddies. Someone forgot they were holding a bottle rocket and not a Roman candle and at the end of it all I had about half a head of singed hair.” He can remember the smell. Almost sour as the burnt strands crumbled on his shoulder and his dad has started laughing. Talking about near misses and being lucky but he hadn’t felt lucky. “Whole drive home he was trying to crack jokes and I wasn’t having it.” He takes a deep breath that makes the ember glow brightly. “I started crying and he told me to man up. I think he was sobering up, probably shook him to see me covered in soot.
“When we got home he took me into the bathroom and just shaved it all off. Didn’t put a fucking guard on it or anything. I don’t think I’d ever had hair that short, not since I was like…little.” He turns to stare at you then, eyes tracing the shell of your ear where your hair wisps around it in short curls. “He told me it was fine and that it looked better than before. Said the long hair made me look like a queer.”
That earns him a huff from you. One last puff of smoke into the ceiling before you stub out the butt into the ashtray near your elbow.
“I say all of that to tell you my opinion doesn’t matter. The people at work or the grocery store, it literally doesn’t matter.”
You spent the past two days crying about it but it seems your either over it or past the worst of it.
“If it upsets you, it upsets you and nothing I say is gonna make it better. I’m not gonna change your mind.” He holds his hand out across his chest and waits for you to grab it. “I’m sorry it didn’t come out the way you wanted, I know this keeps happening.”
“I didn’t think my hair meant so much to me.” You aren’t crying but the emotion weighs down your words, this he knows after years of practice.
“It’s okay that it did.”
“Feels stupid to cry over a bad haircut.”
He hums and shakes his head and doesn’t tell you it’s not stupid, you already know that. Simple things mean a lot, he knows that fickle game of attachment. He also knows that while his opinion does matter to you on some infinitesimal level, he doesn’t need to constantly remind you that it’s okay. He didn’t start a relationship with you over your hair. It’s just hair is something he’ll be able to say a few days from now when you finally start styling it and talking about a new product you bought. It’s a waiting game that he doesn’t mind waiting through, not with you. However he will remind you of one thing.
“Regardless, you’re still the prettiest girl I know.”
You laugh, something real but quiet, the first one in a few days. “Shut up.”
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The tropification of Elisabeth of Austria and the perils of historical dramas without history: A review of Die Kaiserin season 1
Back in 2022 Netflix long awaited (by me at least) new historical drama about Empress Elisabeth of Austria premiered. And to my great disappointment, the series had little to nothing to do with history. Now, two years later, we are on the eve of the premiere of the series’ second season. Since I’d forgotten most of the story, I decided to do a rewatch of season 1, despite my deep dislike of it back in the day. I usually don’t do this, I truly believe that (unless you’re a paid reviewer and it’s your literal job) the only reason for watching a series should be that you like it. If it wasn’t because of my completionist drive to finish every piece of media relating to Elisabeth and analyze the hell out of it, I would’ve dropped it two episodes in. But I promised a review in 2022, and I still feel bad for not finishing writing it then. So at last, here is my review of Die Kaiserin.
Revisiting Die Kaiserin was an interesting experience, if just as frustrating as my first watch was. The character assassination of literally every real person depicted in this series is still infuriating, the costumes and hairstyles are dreadful, and the portrayal of the few historical events is so bad it makes any person with some knowledge of the time period roll their eyes and wish the series had gotten canceled in pre-production. And yet, looking at it from the outside, trying to watch it as if I were an spectator who doesn’t know nor cares about the time period and only wants to kill time with Netflix’s shine new period drama series, Die Kaiserin reveals itself exactly for what it is: a mediocre soap opera set in a half-assed court setting. Upon this rewatch I realized that the biggest crime of this series isn’t that it’s inaccurate, but how boringly predictable it truly is. It’s not that the characters are nothing like their historical counterparts, it’s that they are not characters at all. They are stereotypes, walking tropes crashed against each other like dolls in the hands of a child. And the entire plot of this series is built around serving these tropes.
Although we are not given a clear year at any point on-screen, the story begins in 1853 as it always does when it comes to Sisi media: with a young and rebellious Elisabeth learning that her elder sister Helene is going to be the emperor of Austria’s future bride. The first episode proceeds to re-imagine the fated encounter of the Duchesses in Bavaria with Franz Josef and his family, finishing with the climatic moment in which the emperor reveals that he will marry the younger Elisabeth instead of her sister, shocking everyone present (in fiction, for in real life the entire family realized right away that he had fallen in love with his cousin at first sight).
So far, the typical beginning of every piece of media about young Elisabeth under the sun. But then the series makes the bizarre choice of setting the entire season in an atemporal space in which nothing of note happens. The episodes usually take place during a brief period of time (from a couple of hours to a single day at most), yet it is uncertain how much time passes between them: days? months? Who even knows. The timeline is fuzzy, bending to the whims of the script.
You now may wonder: why does that matter? Plenty of good series don’t have clear timelines. And I agree, there are indeed good series which don’t need a clear timeline. I just don’t believe historical series about real people whose lives are well documented are one of them. Why am I tuning in the history based series and finding no history at all? Why can’t I even guess in which month are we supposed to be in?
In the later years there has been a boom of period dramas which are historical satires, historical fantasies and/or alternative history. These series take history and throw it out of the window for the sake of their plot (whether it’s romance or comedy or both). And I don’t hate them, in fact I thoroughly enjoyed plenty of them. But Die Kaiserin doesn’t belong to this genre. Die Kaiserin is supposed to be a serious historical drama. I still remember that before the series premiered the screenwriters talked about how they wanted to follow the steps of The Crown. Yet the quality of the script is far more reminiscent of the alternative history teen drama Reign. If Reign thought it was The Crown.
What is the point of taking these real people, ignoring the entire context in which they lived, and throwing them into completely fictional settings, while still claiming you’re adapting their lives? If Die Kaiserin had owned what it was, if it had not pretended to be a serious historical drama, I don’t think I would’ve been as upset as I was when the series was released.
I realize this is a personal frustration since I know and care for the real history, and that someone who doesn’t probably didn’t notice the dozens of inaccuracies that plague this series. That’s okay. But I can’t help but feeling a deep disappointment in the fact that I’m not the target audience of a series about one of my favorite women from history. Which also makes me wonder: if not us, the people with a genuine interest in history, then who is the audience for this series?
I don’t have an answer. Not only “the general public” is as vague as it gets, time and time again “the general public” has shown they can and will love historical dramas more grounded in fact. I wholly disagree on this notion that you must “dumb down” history in order to make it more palatable. Again, audiences have shown they can enjoy complex writing - a memo I wish the screenwriters of Die Kaiserin had received.
Because even putting the inaccuracies aside, I ultimately just don’t think the writing of this series is good. Going back to the beginning of the review, upon my rewatch I realized something: this series is almost entirely made up of well defined but poorly developed tropes. This series feels written as if it was one of those viral Tiktok books whose entire plot is just a list of popular tropes. “Love triangle with a villain”, “fierce FMC”, “betrayal”, “falls first/falls harder”; and I could go on. Any complexity is simplified in order to create an easy to watch story, every character is made into a one-dimensional caricature. It is also ironic that, despite the screenwriters’ clear attempts to distance their series from every previous portrayal of the empress - to the point of having Elisabeth disdain her nickname “Sisi”, which is never be used after the first episode - they fall into almost every already existing stereotype on Sisi media anyways. Elisabeth as a humble country girl deemed the “troublemaker” of the family? Check. Sophie as an evil mother-in-law who manipulates her son and daughter-in-law? Check. The empress reconciling the discontent masses of the empire with her kindness alone? Check check check.
I highly doubt I’ll ever watch this season again. I simply do not like it, and I know it may not seem like it given how much I’ve been talking about this series lately, but I don’t enjoy being a hater. It’s just that I’ve been following this series since the project was first announced years ago, and I’m still mad about how much it missed the mark. Will there ever be an Elisabeth - or just 19th century Habsburg/Wittelsbach - historical series with actual history in it? As of now, sadly, it still feels like an impossible dream.
#this is so long i'm sorry jgjgkgk#and there's so many things i didn't even got into aaaaaah#also i wrote it having in mind the the 3+ people who will read it probably already read my rants before lol#that's why i don't go into a lot of detail on the series inaccuracies#anti die kaiserin#review#the empress (2022)#die kaiserin (2022)
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Not me packing only 5 ish hours before I leave for a 3 day road trip. I also only just remembered that pajamas are a thing I need to pack. Yay!
#relatable?#funny#hilarious#lol#relatable#trip#road trip#im losing my mind#we are literally driving a day and a half there#staying for an like hour and a half#and then turning around and driving a day and a half back#how insane is that#I am getting up at 4 in the morning#and so help me God if I end up being awake for most of this road trip I will riot
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There's a hurricane headed on a direct path for me and they're predicting it to be at least a category 3 and it's got me like
#i think iokaye okay since im far enough in land#but everyone is panic buying food and supplies and its impossible to drive even a half mile to the grocery store cus if how busy it is#not to mention my job has been bothering me on my days off cus we're right on the water#like i know im going to be insanely busy the next two days#cus theyre going to order an evacuation order tomorrow i just know it#and then we'll have to literally chase people out of the hotel#cus we gotta prep the hotel to isnstead accommodate emergency response workers
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#school rumble#i could write an essay on it#actually i have#one of the most powerful stories ever written gah it drives me crazy that it comes in such a strange package#the story so powerful the animation team rejected the manga's bs to give the characters the finale they deserved#even though they were forced to retcon it in the final 2 episodes to push for another season#literally they just end the story on episode 19 and hard pivot to movie parody skits/vacation specials for the rest of the episodes#it's magical#until the episode 25 does the ''ohhh nooo they forgot the whole thing and put us right back where we started uh oh whoops''#''awww looks like we're gonna have to have another season''#literally#anyway if i ever start feeling emotions im probably going to start school rumble posting and never stop#schoolrum's so stupid you can only appreciate it emotionally#it's not like nichijou where theres still all this artistry and richness you can still engage with if youre cut off heartwise#i didnt even have emotions when i first watched it but it was still powerful enough to make a visceral impact#but at this point im just too far gone i need a bit of heartspace before i can have any chance of actually registering any of it again#<- finally caved and posted a schoolrum rant after like 5 and a half years on here#its the kind of series that lurks forgotten for years at a time#until one day it jumps out and grabs you and refuses to let go until you rewatch it again#best dub in history btw you didnt know english localization and voice acting could be this good#knocks the original japanese out of the park and truly ties everything together#nichijou japanese and school rumble english are the two best animation dubs of all time
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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the darkhold or charcoal?
other pics from the lake
#lake day#pictures#i got a bit of motion sickness on the way up#literally 20 minute of super bumpy gravel/dirt road#anxiety was not happy with the cliffs we were driving next to but eh#another 20 minutes of rocky road and cliffs and then i can read for the next half hour home#the darkhold#charcoal#i drew on some rocks#with the charcoal
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not my dad being a complete dick about my sound sensitivity
#ive had so many arguments with him about his chewing#he cant seem to understand that it literally drives me insane and i cant do anything about it#and now we had a big fight and he was being a complete asshole obviously#and he was like 'u need to be more understanding' like lmfaooooo this man is2g#i wanna cry but im calling my friends in half an hour so. wonderful.#why are dads so fucking rude to their daughters#like ive been feeling so fucking awful mentally these last couple of days.. this just made things so much worse#personal
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This is generalization but it does make me feel like I’m losing my mind. Anglo-American romance novels aimed at women—‘what if you, a normal person, were forced into proximity with the smuggest most self-satisfied person who physically invades your space, insults you, acts like an attention whore at best, borderline sexually assaults you, isn’t that great’ and then you go to romance manga aimed at young women—‘what if you, a normal person, we’re forced into proximity with a two faced bitch who tries to control your every move and also refuses to speak or engage with you unless it’s to isolate you from your peers or get mad at you for talking to another living person’
#obviously there are variants but it drives me insane how even stuff aimed at women is like. isn’t it nice when men treat women horribly.#wouldn’t you love to be treated horribly except the horrible guy in question is hot#literally the extent of straight women’s fantasies is that they get some enjoyment out of looking at men who hate them#aim higher! aim anywhere other than the floor! read yuri for crying out loud#can we not get women to fantasize about getting along with someone and having a good time with them.#save me LoveCom you’re my only hope#kelsey rambles#romcom discourse was dead five years ago but the point remains that if the male lead of your average love interest existed in real life#he should not be allowed within 10 ft of any woman but his grandmother#this isn’t talking about the way romance is used in fiction or the way relationship arcs work or anything#this post is strictly limited to romance as a projection of women’s fantasies out into the world to be consumed for pure self-indulgence#if you’re having a cheat day you shouldn’t be eating stale chips ahoy.#if you’re indulging why not have a crème brûlée! have the world’s densest chocolate cake!#have an almond slice with cream and strawberries. self-indulgence ought to feel good.#I have a sister who likes men so I am assured that the despicable shoujo love interests of the world are attractive in some arcane way#I just can’t fathom it. if a man even half hinted at me that treatment like that was on the table I’d move cities.
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When you're on a time crunch but your (presumably) ADHD brain decides "fuck you I want to write"
#and NO this is not a time crunch I can be flexible on and YES I literally have to do it and NO there's nobody here to help#we've established I function best under pressure BUT APPARENTLY THIS ISN'T PRESSURE ENOUGH#kill me#also I have like. 2-3 days min 2 weeks max to somehow get my dog to walk well enough on a leash that he won't pull on distractions#harder than it sounds#especially because I'm working off of YT videos without help#(I'm trying to look at trainers for help but A I will be completely alone in paying those expenses for a while)#(and B I don't know where to look except for local pet store that we don't have the gas to spare to drive to rn)#vent in the tags#umm yeah#I'm fine this is fine everything's fine#I want to stop existing and sit in bed chewing on peanut butter and doing nothing all day#but I'm determined to kick SAD in the butt this year (also my half-brother will get on my ass if I do that) so FUCK IT#I've taken my dog out and am trying to find someone to VC/call and am writing instead#FFFFFF#*dying*
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...
#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...#itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine#but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary#and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far#and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking...#i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two#universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places#fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid.#at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae#hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see#fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow#its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving#and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends#in a smear across the highway#oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too#thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour#lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️#bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days#my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend#but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno#when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie#time sheets :-P#unrelated
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when u tell someone who hasn’t had to apply for a job in a while “the interview process is like 6 weeks atp” they don’t believe you but a lot of employers will wait like 2 weeks to follow up, and they always need to do multiple rounds of interviews which takes a week for each round, and then there’s two more weeks of dead silence before you hear back. sometimes you’ll apply for something in january and they will call you up in the summer like “hey you still want the job” it’s crazy. they’re out here putting desk clerks through two phone interviews and two in persons at two different locations. they make the pages interview TWICE and they also have to do TWO sorting tests!! that job pays well below minimum wage, it’s a job meant for retirees and high school students why do you interview them like it requires a mlis
#i had to do a skill test for carson’s too but at least it was only one round of interviews#i know it’s not just libraries bc i applied to two eye doctors four dentists and as a desk clerk type job but idr where#i think they could tell i wasn’t enthusiastic about the job tbh and how dare they put me all those interviews aksjsj#also the one eye care made me refill out my entire resume when i got there. i think they didn’t like that i didn’t drive#but a lot of library workers are also car less lmao. like half of them like me could never afford it so we never got a license#and a good quarter are retirees who do this as basically a hobby and they only have one car so the husband takes the car bc he works farther#that may sound specific but i know like 12 different old white ladies with exactly that story#at goodwill they wrote us up if we were late bc of the train that was literally down the street meanwhile in libraries ur manager is always#late bc she commutes in from The Big City and the most senior person in the department is always late bc the bus was late and her husband#had the car that day and she is the oldest most wrinkled woman you will ever meet. a stiff wind will blow her away. she smokes 8 packs a day#anyway i hate applying for jobs#rani makes text posts no one will read
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Just remembered how one of my dedicated to people last roadtrip literally was like “oh actually I don’t think you can stay here tonight I have work early tomorrow :(“ after driving like seven and a half hours to him (and he texted me this when I was an hour away from his house and we had literally talked about my plans to stay there all day) like hello red flag red flag red flag
#the way he made me drive ten hours in one day when it was like less than a week after my fathers funeral like bro hello#he really was like idk you should be able to just drive three hours to your next person idk ur gonna figure it out#insane insane insane#not to be that guy but literally to be that guy I am so glad I am making my own plans to sleep in random places on the road and not staying#at anyone’s house besides Millie and direct family#it was literally snowing in the mountains of West Virginia he was like yeah just drive three extra hours at night thru the mountains while#it snows#GRAH MAKES ME SO UPSET STILL#AM I THAT SHITTY OF A PERSON THAT HE DIDNT REALIZE THAT WAS A SHITTY THING TO DO#me willing to wake up at four in the morning to get out of his hair before work just for a bed to sleep in and not drive#I literally stopped and napped in his bed while the he smoked weed with our West Virginia friends before driving the extra three hours#he should’ve just let me crash if he was willing to have me and three other ppl over that night#god. angry. okay. gonna go shower and try to stop thinking about dedicated to people. I think I’ve also decided I’m not even gonna try to#talk to my Chattanooga almost friend at least not on the way up maybe on the way back I’ll shoot him a text#it only cuts like half an hour off of my trip but like whatever I’ll take that time over an awkward hang out with someone I haven’t talked#to in six months#ugh having friends is hard I hate it#Millie I love you. I know you don’t really tumblr often and don’t even follow this blog but Millie forever#gives me as much space as I need but then we randomly call each other and talk for hours and then go mute for a week again#send each other random pictures or texts or videos and then call in another week or two#and then we meet up in person and just absolutely love the vibes and then go back to being low key distant#I love it she is so awesome Millie ily forever and ever dude ur so good and so cool I am so excited to visit again even tho it’s only been#a couple months#okay I’m back to ranting I’m still thinking about it. we literally fucked and then he (dedicated to…) rolled over and tweeted abojt thinking#about someone else during sex LIKE I WAS LAYING NEXT TO HIM#AND HE TWEETED THAT. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. Not to mention all the just so so clearly ignoring me and talking to dudes on grindr while I was#sitting in his living room trying to hang out with him#still mad but I don’t want to be mad but I am still so mad he treated me like shit and I just was like yeah this is how having friends works#I was so dumb but I wanted attention and when he gave me attention it was incredible but so fucking rare but I actually cared about him and#he just didn’t care at all about hurting me while I was literally going thru the worst shit in my personal life like god I was so dumb
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pc players talking about missing the combat of dao and how good it is as if they don’t have twenty million quality of life improvements and still constantly use skip combat mods. you do not want dao combat again. you hate it. take it from a console player who is forced to endure dao as it actually is: you do not want this again. you are not playing dao and you can’t even begin to understand how little you know it nor how good you have it
#keeping some degree of tactical elements and party control is good but dao is not a good game to play. its bad#i’m genuinely astounded at how much it sucks to play despite only being from 2009. it’s aged Decades it feels#which is baffling because earlier bioware games and even da2 just a year and a half later don’t have this problem or it’s only a fraction#as bad as origins is#anyways every da game is super different from the last and also dai will be a decade old when dreadwolf comes out and origins can probably#get a learner’s permit to drive in the us by that time. the new gameplay’ll be fine probably and either way that’s not really what most#fans are really here for anyhow. it’s about the cast and the world and scrambling that egg#i just really hate this specific kind of player who’s deluded themselves into thinking origins doesn’t suck#it’s good and it’s bad and feels terrible and amazing#it needs a remake for so many reasons and number one is an oghren rewrite and number two is making it bearable to play#also we literally have no idea what the gameplay for dreadwolf looks like in practice so maybe save your comments for when you play it
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by the time I graduate I may as well have a second degree in flipping mind-reading.
#feels like nothing is moving forward at all in lab.#We got the equipment fixed which is awesome but now we’re having data analysis software issues#So preprocessing the data is fine but post processing isn’t#And we need a new research certificate thing which is awesome but talking to prof about it is like talking to a wall#So for now we literally can’t take in more data#I’d write it up myself and just ask her to sign off but her opinion of what we should do changes by the day#I’m talking “we should add X we should add Y” and it’s both incredibly unstructured and vague#And from what I can tell the new people in our group have skedaddled into busier projects or are thinking about doing so#Which is meh idk I get how this is frustrating and don’t really blame them#That’s also the other thing driving me up a wall.#How am I supposed to train them?!? Half of this is self explanatory. I can’t help them collect data if we can’t collect data.#I can’t teach them post processing if our post processing software’s dependent software’s license expired and I can’t use it.#Ffs one in particular doesn’t have a key. Even though I’ve mentioned it to prof. Repeatedly.#And it’s like I’m the only line of communication istg?!?#Prof is iffy on emails and uses Slack but a hyper specific college of X one not the general uni one#And the specific one requires onboarding/registration via freaking secretary to get to it#And since new people don’t have access to that I’m the damn messenger pigeon shot through the middle.#This prof is v important in her department#And the research is cool! It really is#But nothing’s moving unless I prod and prod and prod#at this point I’d take a micromanaging PI with insanely high work hours expectations if it meant CLEAR COMMUNICATION#and see I know how this goes. Both previous people working on the project left it unfinished. Some data collected nothing written up#Like a barebones ancestral protocol and that’s it#No data actually analyzed no background made nothing#And that was with a grant over 100k. I’m doing this unpaid.#The writing’s on the wall: publish and finish this or leave it to the next unsuspecting undergrad wanting research experience#Publishing isn’t really the main thing: the main idea is just to get it to a state of vague completion#And put the damn thing to rest. Otherwise it’s just a time sink.#anyways rant over#i’m exhausted
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