#we are literally driving a day and a half there
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I'm Your Man - Robert 'Rosie' Rosenthal x OFC - Chapter 19
Masterlist | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18
AO3
Word Count: 3.5k
Tags: @mads-weasley @xxluckystrike @curaheehee @footprintsinthesxnd @dcyllom @storysimp @latibvles @love-studying58 @justheretoreadthxxs @blakelysco-pilot
A/N: I'm sooo sorry this chapter took so long!! things have been super busy lately and my motivation to write was so low it was literally in hell. But! we got there eventually - please enjoy!! <3
December 1945
Morning sunlight flooded the room, the hustle and bustle of New York sounding through open windows as Frankie pried open a new paint can with a grunt, leaving a smudge of blue in her wake as she raised a paint-stained hand to wipe across her forehead. With each brush stroke, the room grew more alive with colour as everything steadily seemed to come together.
She'd been up since before dawn. Sleep didn't come easily these days.
Hair pulled messily out of her face, Frankie dressed in a pair of Rosie's old pyjamas, the shirt only half-buttoned, left open where it became too small to reach across her swelling stomach. A bassinet remained unassembled in the hall, waiting for its spot to be ready, and the smell of coffee wafted up from downstairs, a surefire sign that Rosie had awoken too, undoubtedly readying for work.
Within a few minutes, he came to her, hovering in the doorway in his suit - the one that was tailored the best, the one that made her melt a little no matter how many times he wore it. "Morning," She called with a smile, adjusting a piece of masking tape along the window frame. The sun caught her at just the right angle, illuminating her silhouette as she straightened.
"You're beautiful," Rosie beamed, crossing the room towards her. Lifting a hand to cup her cheek, he brought his lips to hers, delivering a gentle kiss.
"Ah-ah," Frankie chided, ducking backwards as she lifted her hands in surrender. "Paint hands." He chuckled as she scampered from the room, scurrying to the bathroom to wash away the streaks of wet paint that stained her hands to preserve that excellent suit of his.
He was waiting when she returned, a pleased smile creasing his cheek as she returned the first kiss, one of his palms pressed against her stomach. As she finally pulled away, he raised a hand, stifling a chuckle as the pad of his thumb rubbed at the paint staining her face.
"Don't work yourself too hard, honey," He urged, entirely unable to meet her eye without a smile creeping across his expression.
"Oh, you know me," She teased, straightening his tie.
Scoffing, Rosie shook his head slightly. "That's the problem."
Frankie shrugged. "Eh. Bucky's coming over in a bit, might sit down for a whole ten minutes. I'll drop by the garage for a bit just to check in."
"Have him drive you," He nodded, turning to head for the door.
"I can drive!" She protested. Rosie let out a bark of laughter, swinging back on his heel.
"No, you cannot - for the safety of New York, I beg."
Frankie guffawed, batting a hand in his direction. "Get outta here!"
"Yes ma'am," Rosie grinned, tipping an imaginary cap before disappearing down the hall.
Once again alone in the nursery, she smiled to herself, chuckling as her fingers drummed against her stomach. "Your dad thinks I'm a terrible driver," She whispered as if confiding a secret to the child within her. "Although, your uncle Bucky says it too, so they might be onto something. Either way, it looks like I won't be doing the school run."
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A little over an hour later, the doorbell sounded, startling Frankie enough to make her jump, a splatter of paint falling from her brush and staining her sock as she cursed beneath her breath. Waddling slightly as she made her way downstairs, she seized a sweater from the back of a nearby chair, tugging it up over her head to cover her stomach. As she wrenched the door open, gaze settling on the figure standing on the front step, she fought the urge to grin.
"I'm sorry, do we know each other?"
"Shut up," Bucky chuckled, stepping inside as he wrapped her in a hug. "You look huge."
"You smell bad," Frankie grimaced.
"Late night."
"Oh yeah?" She raised a brow, a smirk curling her lip as he shrugged nonchalantly, a faint splash of colour tinting his cheeks. "Anything to share with the class?" Bucky frowned, side-stepping his way inside like he owned the place
"Oh come on," Frankie groaned, shutting the front door with a slam. "I haven't been out for a drink in months, I need someone to live vicariously through."
"There... may have been a girl."
"Knew it," She grinned, scurrying into the front room to take a seat in one of the armchairs. "Sit, sit, sit!"
"Jesus, you need to get out more," Bucky muttered, perching on the edge of the couch. "That baby's making you weird."
"Not the point. Start talking."
Throwing his hands up in frustration, he let out a sigh. "I don't know! I got drunk and we danced - she was pretty, I think her name was... Jo? Josephine. But other than that I got nothin', so I'll probably never see her again."
Frankie let out a long, agonised groan as she pushed herself back up out of her seat, waddling towards the kitchen. "God, what's the point of living through you if all you do is make stupid decisions?"
"Where are you going?" Bucky called after her, craning his neck to watch as she disappeared into the kitchen. It was quiet for a while until she reappeared in the doorway, a plate of shortbread in her hand, already chewing a mouthful.
"You want some?"
He snorted back a laugh, smiling sceptically. "You made those?"
"They're the only thing I'm good at. Three ingredients." She mused, licking some sugar from her fingertip as she returned, putting the plate down on the coffee table. Lowering herself back into her chair, Frankie let out a groan, the feeling of weight being taken from her practically euphoric. "So. What's the plan for tracking down this Jo?"
Bucky threw his hands up in despair. "I dunno. It's impossible."
Her eyes narrowed slowly. "I don't think I've ever heard you say those words," Frankie teased. "Do it again. Slowly."
"Shut up," He frowned, stuffing a piece of shortbread into his mouth to avoid having to speak for at least a little while.
"I just never knew you to be a coward," She shrugged. "You're setting a bad example for the baby."
Bucky scoffed, a few crumbs blowing loose from his moustache. "The baby doesn't know what's going on."
Frankie felt a stretch within her as the baby kicked out with her tiny foot. "Oh, she begs to differ."
"Oh my God."
"Hm?"
"I just realised there's actually gonna be two of you. I dunno if I can cope with that."
"Oh, don't tell me Uncle Bucky's gonna shirk his duties."
"...Uncle Bucky?"
"Mhm."
He began to grin, chuckling to himself, unable to suppress his smile as he leant back into his seat. "Well... alright. I think I can work with that."
Frankie mirrored his smile, the room falling into quiet for a long moment before she snapped her fingers.
"Ok. You're giving me a lift to work."
"Oh, am I?"
"Yep. Rosie says I'm not allowed to drive."
"Oh, yeah, no, good call actually. I'll get my coat," Bucky nodded firmly, fumbling for his keys as he rose to his feet.
"Well, I was thinking I'd go put proper clothes on first," She pointed out. He turned, taking in her appearance, the sleeves of Rosie's sweater dangling past her fingertips, paint-stained socks peeking out beneath the hem of her pyjama bottoms.
"Seems fair."
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Bucky's car vanished around the corner as Frankie headed inside through the open garage door, groaning slightly as she craned backwards, stretching her back against the weight it carried. The place was alive with work, her staff bustling away as they tweaked and mended the cars in their custody, a raucous whirr filling the air and bringing her back to the countless hours spent in her father's shop as a girl.
"Mrs Rosenthal," One of the mechanics nodded to her as she waddled past, tipping an imaginary cap in her direction.
"Mornin', Ted," She paused, stepping up beside him as he peered beneath the hood of one of the cars. "How's it lookin'?"
"Think we got a problem with one of the carburettor valves - I'll take it out and have a look, but we'll probably have to order a part."
"Alright," Frankie hummed. "I'm sending out an order later anyway, if you can get it checked today I should be able to get it in fast."
"Thanks, Frank," Ted smiled, the pair exchanging nods as she headed towards the office, which sat tucked away in the far rear of the place, its windowed walls giving her a perfect view of everything that went on.
"Excuse me?" A voice echoed through the garage, barely audible over the roar of machinery, giving Frankie pause as her hand reached for the office door. A woman lingered in the entryway, clutching her purse as she glanced around hoping to be noticed. Her blonde hair was pulled back in neat curls, a pleasant smile curling red lips as she met Frankie's eye.
"Hi!" She grinned, meeting the woman in the middle of the room as they headed towards each other. "What can I do for ya?"
"I'm just here to pick up my car, I brought it in a few days ago."
"Alright, no worries," Frankie nodded, back-tracking towards the office to grab her clipboard "What's the name?"
"Josephine Pitz."
She paused, slowly looking up from her notes, her earlier conversation with Bucky replaying in her head.
"Mhm. Ok. If you could just take a seat, I'll go deal with the paperwork and you'll be good to go," Frankie urged, waddling at full speed back to her office as Josephine found a chair.
Alone in the privacy of her office, she grabbed the papers, fumbling for the phone on her desk as she forcibly dialled the familiar number. Holding the handset between her shoulder and her chin, she scribbled away, deigning not to get too precious about her terrible spelling as she waited for her friend to pick up.
"Hello?" Bucky's voice came down the line.
"I think I've found the answer to your Josephine problem."
She heard him scoff. "Aren't you supposed to be working?"
"Shut up, she's just come in. Josephine Pitz - blonde hair, green eyes... great legs."
"Oh shit."
"That's what I'm saying! Get down here right now - knock on the back door."
"Alright, yeah - On it."
The line beeped as he hung up, and she couldn't help but chuckle at the mental image of Bucky scrambling to get out of the house, scurrying to his car in a frenzied hurry. Frankie pushed herself closer to the desk, the table's edge digging into her stomach as she signed off on the last paper, only half paying attention as she focused on keeping Josephine firmly in her peripheral vision.
After ten minutes of clumsy stalling, the knock of a fist against the back door came as a welcome intrustion, and Bucky was scarcely able to offer greetings before he found Frankie's lunch thrust into his hands.
"Wh-?"
"Go round the front - pretend I forgot this, and Rosie's asked you to bring it."
He looked down at the crumpled paper bag, nodding firmly. "Good plan. Great plan. Ok."
"Right, go."
Flashing her a grin of excitement, Bucky disappeared around the side of the building, appearing mere seconds later at the front entrace, her lunch held aloft as if in victory. Josephine did a double take, eyes widening slightly in recognition, whilst he seemed to be pretending he hadn't noticed her yet. It struck Frankie as an odd decision.
"Here you are," Bucky declared, holding the bag out to her with a smile as he approached. "Can't keep forgetting this. Feedin' two n' all."
"Oh! Yes, thank you," Frankie nodded. Even when unable to see her own face, she could tell her attempt at appearing surprised was not going terribly well.
"... John?" Josephine's voice intruded. He turned to face her. If Frankie's effort at feigning shock had been unsuccessful, his was worse.
"Jo? Huh! Fancy seeing you here!"
Jo's jaw hung slightly slack, gaze darting between them as the gears turned in her head. Bucky and Frankie stood frozen, waiting for her to speak.
"... Oh my god, you're married?!"
Some kind of terrible squawk escaped Frankie's throat, an awkward middle ground between a choke and a guffaw. "Oh, Jesus, no! No, no - see the Rosenthal & Co. sign outside? I'm the Rosenthal. He's Egan, completely unrelated."
Jo's frown faded slightly, brows still pinched as the shock of what she thought she'd realised slowly wore off. Briefly glancing at Bucky, he offered her an awkward thumbs-up.
"So... Who's the 'Co.'?"
"Right here," Frankie patted her stomach, which barely fit beneath the buttons of her coveralls.
"... Huh."
"We're just friends," Bucky assured. "We worked together during the war."
"This whole thing was just a set-up attempt, cuz he was at my house earlier talking about you," Frankie shrugged.
Suddenly the others were both staring at her with expressions of equal alarm. She paused, clicking her tongue awkwardly.
"I am... gonna go get your car. Just... carry on without me."
"Please go away now," Bucky uttered.
"Yep."
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5th January 1946
Christmas lights still bathed the living room in a flickering array of red and green, the tree long since wilted and thrown away, although neither of them had quite found the time to take down any of the other decorations. There always seemed to be another job that needed doing more urgently, and as the days passed, Frankie found herself more and more open to Rosie's pleas that she simply sit down, rest, and let him take care of it all.
He was lounging in one of the armchairs, newspaper unfolded in his lap, a few dry patched of paint still staining his shirt from where he'd helped her to finish painting the nursery. Padding across the room, Frankie's eyes screwed shut as she let out a yawn, only opening them as she felt his hand gently tugging at her wrist. She hadn't even had to look at him to know what he wanted, hearing the rustle of the newspaper being cast aside as she lowered herself to perch in his lap, wrapping an arm around the back of his neck as his hand rubbed circles against her spine.
"God, I'm bored of waiting for this baby," Frankie sighed. He hummed, breath warming her skin as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, a bubble of laughter escaping her throat.
"Not much longer now," He said, voice muffled against her as he held her as close as he could, the red and green lights reflecting against the polished metal of her ring.
"... You think it's time for the decorations to come down?" Rosie asked, chin resting against her shoulder as he glanced around the room.
"No," She tutted. "I like the idea of it still being Christmas when she gets here."
"You're so sure it's a girl?"
"Oh, yeah. And I'm always right."
"Of course."
A soft finger against his jaw tilted Rosie's face to look up, his eyes softening without delay the moment they landed upon her. Her hair had been messily scraped back into a ponytail, loose strands sticking out at every angle. But her cheeks were rosy, and her eyes were bright, and to him, she'd never been more beautiful. Frankie pressed a quick kiss to his lips, their foreheads resting against one another as they both let their gazes travel to her bulging stomach.
"You're gonna be such a good dad," She hummed, barely more than a whisper. He lifted his head, pressing another, longer kiss to her temple.
"She's gonna love you," He muttered against her skin. Frankie shrugged, fiddling with the cuff of her sleeve. After a beat of silence, Rosie pulled away, looking her in the face. "You okay, honey?"
"I dunno, I just," She sighed. "I don't remember my mum. I don't really remember how they're supposed to... be."
Sucking in a long, deep breath, he wrapped his arms tighter around her, a frown creasing his brow.
"You're not supposed to be anything. You're already the kindest, funniest, smartest person I know. And you've got your dad - if you're anything like him at all, our kid's gonna be just great."
Rosie chuckled as she wrapped her arms around his head, squeezing it in a vice grip. She kissed his scalp firmly before resting her cheek against his hair. "I love you."
"I love you so much," He said, muffled against her sweater. But she could hear the smile in his voice.
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10th January 1946
Frankie's face was still drenched with sweat, hair clinging to her temples as she cradled the tiny infant in her arms, unable to wipe the grin from her cheeks even for a second. Even as exhaustion willed her eyes to close, she couldn't bring herself to look away. "Oh, there you are," She whispered as a gurgle escaped the girl's throat, her hand so small it could do nothing but wrap around her mother's pinky finger.
Rosie wiped away the sweat from Frankie's brow, hand ceaselessly gentle. "You feeling okay?" He asked quietly.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm good," She nodded. He looked down at the baby in her arms, eyes welling with immediate tears. A tired laugh escaped Frankie's throat. "Oh, honey. You wanna hold her?"
Beaming at the prospect, he reached out to softly pry the child from her mother's grip, his hands so big against her tiny frame that it seemed almost impossible that something so small could even exist. "Hi there Maggie," He sang, sniffing loudly as he tried to blink away the tears before they could roll down his cheeks. Frankie reached out a hand, wiping them away with the pad of her thumb.
A soft knock sounded at the door, cautious and restrained as whoever stood outside waited patiently, hesitant to intrude.
"Come in!" Frankie called, voice mellow to avoid stirring the baby.
Creaking slowly open, George's head poked inside, a wide-eyed smile crumbling as she processed the scene in front of her. "God, I said I wasn't gonna cry," She tutted, wiping her eyes as she hovered in the doorway, as if hesitant to make her entrance before she'd fully composed herself.
"Oh, who cares, c'mere," Frankie laughed, holding out her arms as her best friend hurried forward. Passing the baby with barely more than a glance, she enveloped her in a fierce hug, perching on the edge of the bed beside her.
"I'm so proud of you," George choked back a sob, raising a hand to stroke Frankie's hair out of her face. "You smell terrible."
"Just like the old days, huh?" She laughed. "Although I did just have a bloody baby, do you actually want to see her?"
"Oh, shit, yeah," George sniffed, wiping her tears as she pulled out of the hug. Rosie was still standing in the corner with Maggie, a smitten smile creasing his cheeks, seemingly unaware of anything else around him.
"Rosie," Frankie prompted gently, snapping him out of his trance.
"Hm? Oh, yeah," He looked up, edging towards George so that she could get a peek at the child beneath her bundle of blankets.
"Hiya," She whispered, grinning as she leaned closer, lifting her hand so that the baby could wrap a chubby hand around her finger. "What's her name?"
"Margaret. Well, Maggie," Rosie smiled.
"Margaret Georgina Rosenthal," Frankie pointed out, George's eyes widening as she turned to look back at her.
"Shut the fuck up," She blurted, hand raised almost immediately to cover her mouth, glancing nervously back at the baby as if she somehow understood. Rosie began to laugh, the vibration of his chest making Maggie gurgle happily. "You didn't."
He shrugged. "Well, we thought that you-"
"I don't even like that name!"
Frankie snorted. "I know!"
George groaned. "Fine, well, I think she suits it better anyway." She nodded to Rosie, wordlessly asking his permission, and he gently placed Maggie into her arms. "Yeah. She's a cool baby."
"Bucky's coming to see her later," Frankie said. "He'll be mad I didn't somehow find a way to name her after him."
"He's gonna cry," "He's gonna cry," George and Rosie stated simultaneously, lifting their gazes from the baby to look at each other, snorts of laughter escaping them both.
"Alright, that's enough, give me my baby," She grunted, shifting forward on the bed and holding out her arms. Maggie let out a series of gargling sounds as George lowered her into Frankie's arms, tiny eyes staring up at her mother as she held her close. She let out a faint chuckle, stroking her thumb across her cheek.
"Yeah... She is gonna be pretty great."
#fic | i'm your man#rosie rosenthal#rosie rosenthal x oc#mota fic#mota oc#oc: frankie#frankie x rosie#oc: george#john egan#mota
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Not me packing only 5 ish hours before I leave for a 3 day road trip. I also only just remembered that pajamas are a thing I need to pack. Yay!
#relatable?#funny#hilarious#lol#relatable#trip#road trip#im losing my mind#we are literally driving a day and a half there#staying for an like hour and a half#and then turning around and driving a day and a half back#how insane is that#I am getting up at 4 in the morning#and so help me God if I end up being awake for most of this road trip I will riot
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There's a hurricane headed on a direct path for me and they're predicting it to be at least a category 3 and it's got me like
#i think iokaye okay since im far enough in land#but everyone is panic buying food and supplies and its impossible to drive even a half mile to the grocery store cus if how busy it is#not to mention my job has been bothering me on my days off cus we're right on the water#like i know im going to be insanely busy the next two days#cus theyre going to order an evacuation order tomorrow i just know it#and then we'll have to literally chase people out of the hotel#cus we gotta prep the hotel to isnstead accommodate emergency response workers
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#school rumble#i could write an essay on it#actually i have#one of the most powerful stories ever written gah it drives me crazy that it comes in such a strange package#the story so powerful the animation team rejected the manga's bs to give the characters the finale they deserved#even though they were forced to retcon it in the final 2 episodes to push for another season#literally they just end the story on episode 19 and hard pivot to movie parody skits/vacation specials for the rest of the episodes#it's magical#until the episode 25 does the ''ohhh nooo they forgot the whole thing and put us right back where we started uh oh whoops''#''awww looks like we're gonna have to have another season''#literally#anyway if i ever start feeling emotions im probably going to start school rumble posting and never stop#schoolrum's so stupid you can only appreciate it emotionally#it's not like nichijou where theres still all this artistry and richness you can still engage with if youre cut off heartwise#i didnt even have emotions when i first watched it but it was still powerful enough to make a visceral impact#but at this point im just too far gone i need a bit of heartspace before i can have any chance of actually registering any of it again#<- finally caved and posted a schoolrum rant after like 5 and a half years on here#its the kind of series that lurks forgotten for years at a time#until one day it jumps out and grabs you and refuses to let go until you rewatch it again#best dub in history btw you didnt know english localization and voice acting could be this good#knocks the original japanese out of the park and truly ties everything together#nichijou japanese and school rumble english are the two best animation dubs of all time
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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the darkhold or charcoal?
other pics from the lake
#lake day#pictures#i got a bit of motion sickness on the way up#literally 20 minute of super bumpy gravel/dirt road#anxiety was not happy with the cliffs we were driving next to but eh#another 20 minutes of rocky road and cliffs and then i can read for the next half hour home#the darkhold#charcoal#i drew on some rocks#with the charcoal
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not my dad being a complete dick about my sound sensitivity
#ive had so many arguments with him about his chewing#he cant seem to understand that it literally drives me insane and i cant do anything about it#and now we had a big fight and he was being a complete asshole obviously#and he was like 'u need to be more understanding' like lmfaooooo this man is2g#i wanna cry but im calling my friends in half an hour so. wonderful.#why are dads so fucking rude to their daughters#like ive been feeling so fucking awful mentally these last couple of days.. this just made things so much worse#personal
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This is generalization but it does make me feel like I’m losing my mind. Anglo-American romance novels aimed at women—‘what if you, a normal person, were forced into proximity with the smuggest most self-satisfied person who physically invades your space, insults you, acts like an attention whore at best, borderline sexually assaults you, isn’t that great’ and then you go to romance manga aimed at young women—‘what if you, a normal person, we’re forced into proximity with a two faced bitch who tries to control your every move and also refuses to speak or engage with you unless it’s to isolate you from your peers or get mad at you for talking to another living person’
#obviously there are variants but it drives me insane how even stuff aimed at women is like. isn’t it nice when men treat women horribly.#wouldn’t you love to be treated horribly except the horrible guy in question is hot#literally the extent of straight women’s fantasies is that they get some enjoyment out of looking at men who hate them#aim higher! aim anywhere other than the floor! read yuri for crying out loud#can we not get women to fantasize about getting along with someone and having a good time with them.#save me LoveCom you’re my only hope#kelsey rambles#romcom discourse was dead five years ago but the point remains that if the male lead of your average love interest existed in real life#he should not be allowed within 10 ft of any woman but his grandmother#this isn’t talking about the way romance is used in fiction or the way relationship arcs work or anything#this post is strictly limited to romance as a projection of women’s fantasies out into the world to be consumed for pure self-indulgence#if you’re having a cheat day you shouldn’t be eating stale chips ahoy.#if you’re indulging why not have a crème brûlée! have the world’s densest chocolate cake!#have an almond slice with cream and strawberries. self-indulgence ought to feel good.#I have a sister who likes men so I am assured that the despicable shoujo love interests of the world are attractive in some arcane way#I just can’t fathom it. if a man even half hinted at me that treatment like that was on the table I’d move cities.
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When you're on a time crunch but your (presumably) ADHD brain decides "fuck you I want to write"
#and NO this is not a time crunch I can be flexible on and YES I literally have to do it and NO there's nobody here to help#we've established I function best under pressure BUT APPARENTLY THIS ISN'T PRESSURE ENOUGH#kill me#also I have like. 2-3 days min 2 weeks max to somehow get my dog to walk well enough on a leash that he won't pull on distractions#harder than it sounds#especially because I'm working off of YT videos without help#(I'm trying to look at trainers for help but A I will be completely alone in paying those expenses for a while)#(and B I don't know where to look except for local pet store that we don't have the gas to spare to drive to rn)#vent in the tags#umm yeah#I'm fine this is fine everything's fine#I want to stop existing and sit in bed chewing on peanut butter and doing nothing all day#but I'm determined to kick SAD in the butt this year (also my half-brother will get on my ass if I do that) so FUCK IT#I've taken my dog out and am trying to find someone to VC/call and am writing instead#FFFFFF#*dying*
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#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...#itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine#but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary#and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far#and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking...#i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two#universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places#fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid.#at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae#hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see#fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow#its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving#and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends#in a smear across the highway#oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too#thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour#lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️#bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days#my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend#but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno#when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie#time sheets :-P#unrelated
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when u tell someone who hasn’t had to apply for a job in a while “the interview process is like 6 weeks atp” they don’t believe you but a lot of employers will wait like 2 weeks to follow up, and they always need to do multiple rounds of interviews which takes a week for each round, and then there’s two more weeks of dead silence before you hear back. sometimes you’ll apply for something in january and they will call you up in the summer like “hey you still want the job” it’s crazy. they’re out here putting desk clerks through two phone interviews and two in persons at two different locations. they make the pages interview TWICE and they also have to do TWO sorting tests!! that job pays well below minimum wage, it’s a job meant for retirees and high school students why do you interview them like it requires a mlis
#i had to do a skill test for carson’s too but at least it was only one round of interviews#i know it’s not just libraries bc i applied to two eye doctors four dentists and as a desk clerk type job but idr where#i think they could tell i wasn’t enthusiastic about the job tbh and how dare they put me all those interviews aksjsj#also the one eye care made me refill out my entire resume when i got there. i think they didn’t like that i didn’t drive#but a lot of library workers are also car less lmao. like half of them like me could never afford it so we never got a license#and a good quarter are retirees who do this as basically a hobby and they only have one car so the husband takes the car bc he works farther#that may sound specific but i know like 12 different old white ladies with exactly that story#at goodwill they wrote us up if we were late bc of the train that was literally down the street meanwhile in libraries ur manager is always#late bc she commutes in from The Big City and the most senior person in the department is always late bc the bus was late and her husband#had the car that day and she is the oldest most wrinkled woman you will ever meet. a stiff wind will blow her away. she smokes 8 packs a day#anyway i hate applying for jobs#rani makes text posts no one will read
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Just remembered how one of my dedicated to people last roadtrip literally was like “oh actually I don’t think you can stay here tonight I have work early tomorrow :(“ after driving like seven and a half hours to him (and he texted me this when I was an hour away from his house and we had literally talked about my plans to stay there all day) like hello red flag red flag red flag
#the way he made me drive ten hours in one day when it was like less than a week after my fathers funeral like bro hello#he really was like idk you should be able to just drive three hours to your next person idk ur gonna figure it out#insane insane insane#not to be that guy but literally to be that guy I am so glad I am making my own plans to sleep in random places on the road and not staying#at anyone’s house besides Millie and direct family#it was literally snowing in the mountains of West Virginia he was like yeah just drive three extra hours at night thru the mountains while#it snows#GRAH MAKES ME SO UPSET STILL#AM I THAT SHITTY OF A PERSON THAT HE DIDNT REALIZE THAT WAS A SHITTY THING TO DO#me willing to wake up at four in the morning to get out of his hair before work just for a bed to sleep in and not drive#I literally stopped and napped in his bed while the he smoked weed with our West Virginia friends before driving the extra three hours#he should’ve just let me crash if he was willing to have me and three other ppl over that night#god. angry. okay. gonna go shower and try to stop thinking about dedicated to people. I think I’ve also decided I’m not even gonna try to#talk to my Chattanooga almost friend at least not on the way up maybe on the way back I’ll shoot him a text#it only cuts like half an hour off of my trip but like whatever I’ll take that time over an awkward hang out with someone I haven’t talked#to in six months#ugh having friends is hard I hate it#Millie I love you. I know you don’t really tumblr often and don’t even follow this blog but Millie forever#gives me as much space as I need but then we randomly call each other and talk for hours and then go mute for a week again#send each other random pictures or texts or videos and then call in another week or two#and then we meet up in person and just absolutely love the vibes and then go back to being low key distant#I love it she is so awesome Millie ily forever and ever dude ur so good and so cool I am so excited to visit again even tho it’s only been#a couple months#okay I’m back to ranting I’m still thinking about it. we literally fucked and then he (dedicated to…) rolled over and tweeted abojt thinking#about someone else during sex LIKE I WAS LAYING NEXT TO HIM#AND HE TWEETED THAT. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. Not to mention all the just so so clearly ignoring me and talking to dudes on grindr while I was#sitting in his living room trying to hang out with him#still mad but I don’t want to be mad but I am still so mad he treated me like shit and I just was like yeah this is how having friends works#I was so dumb but I wanted attention and when he gave me attention it was incredible but so fucking rare but I actually cared about him and#he just didn’t care at all about hurting me while I was literally going thru the worst shit in my personal life like god I was so dumb
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pc players talking about missing the combat of dao and how good it is as if they don’t have twenty million quality of life improvements and still constantly use skip combat mods. you do not want dao combat again. you hate it. take it from a console player who is forced to endure dao as it actually is: you do not want this again. you are not playing dao and you can’t even begin to understand how little you know it nor how good you have it
#keeping some degree of tactical elements and party control is good but dao is not a good game to play. its bad#i’m genuinely astounded at how much it sucks to play despite only being from 2009. it’s aged Decades it feels#which is baffling because earlier bioware games and even da2 just a year and a half later don’t have this problem or it’s only a fraction#as bad as origins is#anyways every da game is super different from the last and also dai will be a decade old when dreadwolf comes out and origins can probably#get a learner’s permit to drive in the us by that time. the new gameplay’ll be fine probably and either way that’s not really what most#fans are really here for anyhow. it’s about the cast and the world and scrambling that egg#i just really hate this specific kind of player who’s deluded themselves into thinking origins doesn’t suck#it’s good and it’s bad and feels terrible and amazing#it needs a remake for so many reasons and number one is an oghren rewrite and number two is making it bearable to play#also we literally have no idea what the gameplay for dreadwolf looks like in practice so maybe save your comments for when you play it
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by the time I graduate I may as well have a second degree in flipping mind-reading.
#feels like nothing is moving forward at all in lab.#We got the equipment fixed which is awesome but now we’re having data analysis software issues#So preprocessing the data is fine but post processing isn’t#And we need a new research certificate thing which is awesome but talking to prof about it is like talking to a wall#So for now we literally can’t take in more data#I’d write it up myself and just ask her to sign off but her opinion of what we should do changes by the day#I’m talking “we should add X we should add Y” and it’s both incredibly unstructured and vague#And from what I can tell the new people in our group have skedaddled into busier projects or are thinking about doing so#Which is meh idk I get how this is frustrating and don’t really blame them#That’s also the other thing driving me up a wall.#How am I supposed to train them?!? Half of this is self explanatory. I can’t help them collect data if we can’t collect data.#I can’t teach them post processing if our post processing software’s dependent software’s license expired and I can’t use it.#Ffs one in particular doesn’t have a key. Even though I’ve mentioned it to prof. Repeatedly.#And it’s like I’m the only line of communication istg?!?#Prof is iffy on emails and uses Slack but a hyper specific college of X one not the general uni one#And the specific one requires onboarding/registration via freaking secretary to get to it#And since new people don’t have access to that I’m the damn messenger pigeon shot through the middle.#This prof is v important in her department#And the research is cool! It really is#But nothing’s moving unless I prod and prod and prod#at this point I’d take a micromanaging PI with insanely high work hours expectations if it meant CLEAR COMMUNICATION#and see I know how this goes. Both previous people working on the project left it unfinished. Some data collected nothing written up#Like a barebones ancestral protocol and that’s it#No data actually analyzed no background made nothing#And that was with a grant over 100k. I’m doing this unpaid.#The writing’s on the wall: publish and finish this or leave it to the next unsuspecting undergrad wanting research experience#Publishing isn’t really the main thing: the main idea is just to get it to a state of vague completion#And put the damn thing to rest. Otherwise it’s just a time sink.#anyways rant over#i’m exhausted
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My brain is. Goop. Running at about quarter speed right now. It's a little bit embarrassing, actually.
#speculation nation#i was poking around the class website and saw the class participation for today wasnt open#which made me remember that my professor mentioned not being here one day this week#and it took me. too long to remember if she said today or thursday.#literally checked the calendar over it (it wasnt stated on there) before i Finally remembered that class participation doesnt open until#class time starts.#so im Prettyyy sure that she said she'd be here today. and it's thursday she wont be.#it just got so lost over the weekend. most things. have been. lol.#between the stress of finishing that midterm on Thursday and then hanging out with friends and procrastinating my essay exam#(while also still being stressed about procrastinating my essay exam)#a lot left my mind. i straight up forgot that we were supposed to have dnd yesterday night#i got up from my failed nap and realized it was an *hour and a half* after when it was supposed to start. i felt so bad.#thankfully it turned out others couldnt make it either so it ended up canceled but Man.#i need to get a grip. i need to stop procrastinatng. i have an online exam on thursday tho & a video audition to finish Preferably by friday#and im going driving practicing tomorrow & im determined to make it the last one before i take my driving test. which means parking practice#really really really remembering why i hate college. dear fucking god please help me.#also have a book to finish by the end of the month. im probably going to be working on that over the weekend.#buuuut after that i have. uhh. like 6 more weeks of the semester? which means im gonna keep roughin it#but. it also means im getting closer to the end. and at least i'll have a few weeks break.#and then... my final semester... and so much more work.... aughhhh#im doing my best though. i may be struggling but im still finishing all my fucking work and im finishing it well.#i will bend but i will not break!!!!!! i will get good fucking grades!!!!! just watch me!!!!!!!!!
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