#waste to energy generation
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Aro Swiftie culture is not relating to Taylor Swift's love songs at all but still singing along and also preffering her songs about losing friends and mental illness to her love songs like she should make more songs about having a mental breakdown and her friends. I still love Taylor Swift's music.
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#aro culture is#aro#aromantic#actually aro#actually aromantic#ask#mod axel#i will be totally honest in a social-annoyance way i hate her music#even the comparatively good stuff just. gets so overplayed for being good and not... great tbh.#i just feel like her songs have the super fucking generic vibe of things most people can relate to + the nepo baby capable of monetizing it#i don't really care about it enough to waste my energy hating someone for like. participating in a system#but i do gotta admit i will leave a room if her songs are playing and i could sit somewhere where they aren't
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just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE your comic I am so inspired by it and it’s so lovely and I wanna buy the physical books (I’ve never done that before) I just AUGGHHH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO 💙💙💙
do you allow fanart? And is there anything not allowed? I wanna draw adam and steve so bad 😭
Of course it's allowed! Fanart fanfic fan music fan dubs whatever!
I like to think I'm sort of "building a playground" when I make a story, have fun on it! I made it for you!
In my general opinion, it's not my business what my "fandom" does... It's on you and also me to curate our own spaces! If you're inspired by my work in any way, that's the greatest honor I could imagine and I want you to feel fully free to explore that. If someone is being weird, I know where the block button is and they can keep being weird where I don't have to see it haha
Just don't like... sell it... it's messy legally with webtoon and I'm one person making the story and it's my whole income so the few sales I get are kind of huge for me ;_;
#the way I see it is if I put up a boundary of like 'dont make something that I wouldnt want to see'#all it does is scare the people who respect me into not making anything!#and the people who were never going to respect me anyways were going to make those things regardless#because they didn't respect me. so they wouldnt care if I put that boundary up.#so my opinion is like honestly it's not my business what you do... if you're doing something weird with my story it's not reflecting on me#like youre the one doing the weird thing not me...? so why would I care LOL#I'm pretty good about blocking tags or ignoring the things that make me uncomfortable. which has happened#also like. I'll be honest#if you sold like 3 I also wouldnt care AHGASJGLKGJASLGKJSA#cause idk. I dont generally feel like it's taking away from my business...#idk!!! it's a weird zone#like I need money to live but morally I'm not opposed to other people making art and selling it so idk where to land on that#but uhhh webtoon wouldnt like it if you sold it. so#I'm not going to like go after someone idk...#if I did not need the money to live. I wouldnt care at all and would probably encourage other people selling my stuff#or like their art of my stuff. not my art of my stuff. never do that#thats just regular theft#but webtoon does NOT!!! like that and idk how much they go after stuff like that. I know they went after scanlation sites sob#novaeverse#asks#sorry this is so unclear. my opinions on it are unclear lmao#basically. do whatever.#I can't stop what you are doing and I will not waste the energy trying#all I ask for is some basic respect!#and I dont think I can or should ask for more. so#enjoy! make whatever! it's literally making free art for me AUGASJGLKSAJGALKGJ how could I say no...
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it's normal to be disappointed when you learn that your dreams are already dead. but just like a phoenix, our death will lead us to our own rebirth; and like a supernova, some deaths are beautiful.
#context is in the tags where i hide#which will be a lot#so uh#you all probably know about... my au.#all the team is busy. of course including me.#one's in uni; the other... idk. probably living his life.#as i mentioned in a previous post i've been missing the times when the group was still as active as how young people would be#and the youthful days i had in general#one thing i used to be scared of is change.#now i don't think i'm scared of change anymore. just dreadful but no longer scared#because change is inevitable and there's nothing we can do#so uhhh#go with the flow i guess#i always let the people i cherish live their own lives and i give them all the privacy they need#even if it means not being able to keep in touch with them#that is if they'd still remember me#whether they would or wouldn't that's okay with me#(no hard feelings everything is genuine and honest)#so... let's go straight to the point#the au would probably end up being solely written... that is if the art stuff doesn't push through#it's not like i've grown sick of those 'promises' i totally understand them i SWEAR.#i just don't wish to be misunderstood but like i just. couldn't spit all of it out in front of them#i'm sorry for being a coward#and if you see this... i don't know. probably tell me how you're doing? and either give me hopes that this could all still be sorted out-#or tell me if it's impossible at this point?#please just don't give me any false hope.#and... if we all ever don't push through#i'm genuinely sorry if i tired you or wasted your time and energy.#i'm sorry for dragging you to all my demands and perfectionisms and insecurities#missing entry
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Y'all, it's 2023. Can we please stop pretending it's cool to hate on Dear Evan Hansen?
#it's totally fine if you don't like it but that doesn't put you above anyone who does#and just because you used to like it when you were younger and less mature doesn't mean that those who still like it are young and immature#and regardless of your opinion deh was a groundbreaking musical that helped destigmatize mental health struggles for an entire generation#that's pretty freaking cool if you ask me#this post applies to literally everything else too btw#it's not cool to hate on anything#why waste your energy griping about things you don't like when you can spend it gushing about things that bring you joy?#full transparency: I love deh. the music is gorgeous the complexity of the story is fascinating and the overall message is beautiful#also I'm talking about the musical. I can't comment on the movie or the novel because I haven't seen/read them.#dear evan hansen#deh#musical#musicals#theatre#broadway#my opinion#rant#food for thought#mini rant#musical theatre
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Both Nobara and the blonde witch (Momo?) make good points about the role of women in this Jujutsu society. Momo points out that power is not enough for them, that that which is good enough for men isn't for women, that they are held to higher standards, and for them scars aren't badges of honour as they are for men, but make them undesirable and damaged goods.
And then there's Nobara, pointing out those are sexist standards one doesn't have to adhere to, that it's on them for playing by the rules and having those exigences in mind. That she likes clothes and looking pretty, but for herself, she doesn't expect it from others or respect more someone who does as well if they don't want to, like she likes Maki but dislikes Mai. And she too is right! It's true that adhering to those exigences perpetuates the standards! But what she says doesn't negate what Momo says, which is the fact that, yeah, okay, it sucks, but that's how it is and not playing by the rules just makes everything harder. And harder still for someone like Mai (or Maki) to whom perfection isn't just the goal, but the very starting point being people from one of the main clans. So she can understand and defend Mai's position and approach to the problem, as Nobara understands and defends Maki's.
This all gains layers of complexity and juiciness considering Momo and Mai are Utahime's students and Todo's classmates. I am sure the manga won't go there, but wow is it intriguing how Utahime's situation may have influenced their views. What a pity the manga won't go there
#On the other hand perhaps Gojo's flippancy could have further reaffirmed Maki and Nobara on their own ideas#Gojo is flippant and does as he wants and they see that's proved to be convenient for them#For them as women for them as people without Cursed Energy and for them as people that are considered akin to a curse like Yuuji#Momo says that and she has Todo as a classmate. Todo‚ powerful‚ feared well respected scarred Todo. And she has Utahime as a teacher#Utahime‚ mocked for being weak. Utahime‚ kept in the dark about the old man's awful plans. Utahime‚ scarred#It adds so many layers and it's so intriguing. It also adds another context to Utahime's dislike for Gojo#and her passionate way of reacting to his teasing. He's probably just teasing but he also often takes it too far#And perhaps for him it's nothing but to Utahime it has implications#Anyway... I love now even more that Utahime is well loved and respected by her students#Especially with those students being Todo‚ a Kamo guy and this Zenin girl#What a pity WHAT A PITY that this manga doesn't dwell more on the actual characters and especially secondary characters#Because this whole thing is soooo juicy and Utahime could be that deep#JJK in general is such a shame. Constant source of wonderful characters‚ dynamics‚ concepts and topics all to end up being mainly nothing#Mainly nothing more than a few long fights#*sigh* I could have really really loved this#Really what a waste of potential. I am so sad all the time haha#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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are you sure microsoft?? are you sure???????
#me#anti ai#environment#environmental issues#i know there are different kinds of AI and machine learning can be pretty useful#but this is a flex tape to environmental damages caused by the other AI including the ones microsoft themselves use#''oh ai is wasting water and energy and producing carbon emission at an insane rate let's solve that by making a different ai''#how about yall stop unnecessary ai especially the generative ones#how about that microsoft??? ever thought about that????
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how long did it take for your fanfiction to start getting some recognition? did you "advertise" it or "promote" it in any way?
i know that people say this doesn't matter, but i feel like even if you love writing the feeling that you're just talking to yourself gets pretty exhausting at some point. so i'm not talking about having thousands of readers but rather like. what's your advice to have readers at least?
- someone who hasn't even started writing their ideas yet...
LONG POST INCOMING.
First I want you (and everyone else reading who may be struggling with this) to know I'm absolutely with you and generally think 'it doesn't matter' is a horseshit answer. It's this weird thing we do in fanfic that we generally don't apply to other artforms that I've seen. If you're a painter, a playwriter, a novel writer, and you say, 'I want at least a few people to love my paintings, I want some people to come see my play, I want my novel to be published and do at least ok' we all support them, we nod, we agree, we talk about how they can do that successfully. It's considered normal to want some amount of success. But hold up fanfic instead and it becomes, 'how dare you want that praise, you're being egotistical, you should be writing only for yourself'. I'm not saying you can't do that - there are some who do - but it's definitely this bizarre switchup to say there's this single artform in which we can't want attention on our work and that there's something wrong with us if we do. That can be an absolute creativity killer depending on what kind of writer you are (hi, extrovert writer here who only gets writy writy juice from social interaction - aka comments and discussion. So I totally get it being exhausting just doing this on your own).
So let me say this categorically: you're allowed to want things. You're allowed to want kudos, comments, and hits. You're allowed to want messages and asks. You're allowed to want some readers you can talk with about your story.
You. Are. Allowed.
Ok, now that that's out of the way.
Edit: more below the cut cause I didn't realize the length of this on mobile
TRT definitely didn't get popular overnight. The first four chapters were sporadic, and then I took a hiatus due to life things for a couple years. During that time, it kept slowly ticking up bit by bit on AO3, with occasional comments. Iirc it was hovering somewhere around 700 kudos by the time I came back in Jan 2021 - and that's a awesome! It's big! But it's also a number that was gained over a few years, to put it in perspective. It absolutely took off after I came back though, and over the past 2 years both TRT's popularity and the stats of my one-shots in the fandom have grown. Part of that's just the time frame (TRT's been up about 6 years), but it's also due to a couple things that I think built up TRT's popularity.
Building a tumblr presence was huge. Ironically I didn't really intend to do it for advertising; I just wanted a place readers could ask questions or we could all freak out about Matt or I could post some drabbles or updates on the fic. But considering the fact that AO3 and tumblr are the top fic sites online, I wound up promoting my fics unintentionally just by being a friendly, happy tumblr user and fandom goer. All I did was follow the courtesy rules I knew - post stuff regularly, reblog, comment, make friends with other writers, just be friendly in your neighborhood because you love the lady with the gif flower shop on the corner or the wise old pizza maker who serves hot fandom takes all day long. I built familiarity with my writing and name by posting short fics, and by taking part in challenges and prompt lists and short requests for drabbles if I saw them, though that's something that's hard to do if you don't have time (I've got less time now, but I started this blog in the early pandemic so I had aaaaall the time in the world to write and was using it to stay sane). I tagged religiously because I LOVE tags, but that helped, too. Tumblr's search system is half broken but the half that works means people CAN find your writing even if they aren't following. Doing all this over here got me a huge boost over on AO3.
I will say that if you can have a fandom tiktok presence, there's a lot of fic reviewers, edits, and good stuff that can get your fic some readers (I've had some people do this on tiktok for TRT and it sent a surge over). I personally haven't done anything there yet, in part because while I'm on tiktok I try to keep my actual, real person accounts separate from my fic/fandom accounts and i haven't bothered to make a second account solely dedicated to the Pasta name yet.
Longfics on AO3 have the advantage in fic stats in the sense that every time you add a chapter, it gets bumped to the top of the front page and you get seen again. Eventually a lot of people will click out of curiosity. They may not, however, give you a lot of user subs or add to your other fic stats at first, whereas if you do a bunch of oneshots you're more likely to get user subs but less hits on each fic. This is a decision you'll have to make, and I know folks in both camps who built their followings using different methods on each. Either way, it helps if you're posting regularly, either in a long fic or one-shots. I call this the Stephen King method, who said he just writes a ton and throws it all at the wall, and eventually you get enough good despite the bad that you start building a following.
Learn learn learn. This is standard fic advice I always give, but it's still relevant. I think one of the reasons imo TRT has done so well is that I've spent a lot of time over the years learning how to write and edit - I read a ton of books (sometimes just to figure out HOW good authors structure their stories), I took a lot of English classes, I've taken some creative writing courses in my spare time. That two year hiatus was heavily spent doing a lot of research and practice around an original novel I want published one day. And I used ALL of that in TRT, just to see what it was like to put it all together. Be hungry for knowledge, be hungry to learn. The more you learn, the better your fic will be, and the more people that will click.
That learning also includes a looooong string of fanfics that started at a very novice level (hello 12 year old me), to fics that were ok and did moderately well but weren't anything huge. Hell, I had a tumblr account for my previous fandoms before I wandered over to Pastafossa, and while those fics did decently, I never had the huge reaction I've gotten here. But I used each and every one of those fics to learn and grow and adapt. Treat your own fics the same way. If it doesn't get hits, try to learn from it before moving on to the next idea a little wiser and a slightly better writer than before. There will always be people who start to follow you along the way.
A small one, but important: I swear to god, do not shit-talk yourself. Not in the summary, not in the tags, not in the A/Ns. I'm not talking, 'this is my first fic!' That's fine. I mean trashing your own work. Shit like, 'ha ha this sucks, it's terrible but oh well' will absolutely lower your stats, because people will believe you and will ditch your fic. On top of that, it's just mean to yourself, and as I said above, you want to be a good person in the fandom neighborhood. That means not breaking the windows of your own house.
People generally think of summaries as a side note, but a shitty summary can absolutely tank your stats. Treat it like the rest of your fic - this is the trailer before the movie, and it's a huge element of what gets people interested in the first place.
Lastly, like I said at the top, the biggest factor is time. There are people who post one fic and explode in popularity, absolutely. But far, far more little followings are built on the bones of time, of abandoned fics, of muttering and highlighting phrases in books in the middle of the night, of trying and trying and trying until we have at last have a breakthrough and then drag that breakthrough forward with us to the next fic. TRT is absolutely one part lightning in a bottle - the biggest success I've ever had anywhere with my writing, a confluence of fandom factors and world events that gave people (and me!) time to write and read. But it's also standing on the back of whole lot of fics I wrote that look like everyone else's: ones with no comments, low interaction, insults; ones where I had precisely zero idea of what I was doing, but wanted to try anyway. And the way I got through that, as a writer who needs interaction in order to create, was by building friendships in fandom so that even when a fic didn't do all that well, I still had friends I could talk to about the characters, the world, the fandom itself. I asked friends to look them over and give advice. I had friends being my cheerleaders. And if you're an extrovert like me, or just a writer who needs that to create, then those connections are vital as you build up a following.
That's a lot of what I've done. I know there are other ways to build a following, but this is generally what I've done, what I've learned to do, and it seems to have worked. Just remember that there are no bad fics - just learning opportunities. Learn something, and that fic's a success, and work as hard as you can to make those fandom connections to carry you through the process.
I absolutely hope to see your work around one day, so that I can be on of those followers!
#writing advice#fic advice#fic tips#building a following#fanfic#fic#writing tips#tbh i was shocked and still kind of am by how popular trt's become#because i have had ZERO previous experiences in my fic writing time that aligned#BUT#there are absolutely things I did in hindsight I think that helped a ton#and all of the practice and writing fic including the ones with zero interaction helped#i learned how to be a good fandom goer even when i didn't write#because i genuinely loved my little neighborhoods#and i used a lot of that when i started writing again cause why wouldn't i???#also avoid petty fandom drama you don't need to waste your energy on it#i WANT my blog to generally be a positive space cause i've got shit going on elsewhere and i don't need more#but that also means i think that people like wandering through cause they know there's a lot of happy things here#be the person in the neighborhood watering your daisies and putting out a rainbow pinwheel even when ted down the block#is feuding with susan up the block over the height of ted's fence
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not to be one of those "google is free" bitches (bc in some instances they do more harm than good) but i did just search "nct l*cas allegations" (w/o the censor) and found several articles, a reddit masterthread, and some twitter threads recapping the situation (with varying degrees of reliability, proof, bias, etc.) in about ten seconds of scrolling, about the same amount of time that it takes to send me a message. so please! do that instead! i do not want to waste any more of my time/energy thinking abt that man, nor do i want anybody to form their thoughts or opinions solely on information they get from me! that's way too much pressure and responsibility to put on me.
#like ive generally kept my mouth shut abt him during his redebut bc i genuinely do not deem him worthy of wasting the mental energy on#my only posts have been abt blocking ppl who support him#and listen. no hate to the ppl asking me what he did. i think ur coming from a fine place and i understand that i brought him up first.#i always google it myself first before i tell someone google is free. just to make sure its that easy.#this time i give it a 3/10 difficulty. out of thr first 5 results maybe 1 or 2 were supportive and/or lukewarm#the others.....not so much#i believe in you. genuinely. lets bring back critical thinking. you and me. lets bring back not being spoonfed our opinions by the algorithm#talk#text#mine
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why do people even bother hate watching stuff
#ze.txt#y'all so unserious fr 😭#this is about hellaverse but also just. everything. in general#why you wasting time and energy on something you dislike when you could be having fun instead
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Man it drives me up a wall to come across an anti saying shit like "but the slendermen incident" (whatever that is/was), "but people who emulate fictional serial killers", but but but whatever people who saw something fictional and used it to justify their bad choices.
Just.
You do realize that none of that takes away from the fact that fiction isn't real and the rules of reality should not be imposed on fiction right? People do absolutely horrible things to each other for more reasons than either you or I could possibly think up. Someone choosing to enact something awful they read in fiction isn't any different than someone choosing to do something awful because they read a news article about it.
Think about that for a second. People absolutely have emulated serial killers that they heard/read about from the news. So then, by anti logic, would the solution be to never talk about serial killers on the news ever again in case someone uses it to justify hurting someone else? I sure fucking hope not.
The problem isn't with the news and it isn't with fiction. The problem lies with the people who actually commit the heinous acts and societal issues we have that make it so easy for people to feel for whatever reason that they can and should turn to committing real acts of violence.
Working as a culture to destigmatize having violent thoughts and urges, educating from a young age about these thoughts and urges (and what do about them if you feel them or think someone else is), and providing ample resources for healthy non harmful way to embrace those thoughts and urges would go soooooooooooo much further than arbitrarily trying to police things that are only tangentially related to the core problem.
Honestly, it's my belief that almost (we won't say every because nothing is a monolith) every human alive has violent thoughts and urges to some to degree. We are still animals. We are highly intelligent apes, but apes nonetheless. Look at the violence in other apes and in beings all throughout the animal kingdom. We still have the instincts/genes/biological coding that drives us to hunt, kill, fight for territory, attack any possible threat, do whatever it takes to stay alive and sometimes these instincts+our intelligence lead to people wanting to or causing harm. Some people, for a myriad of reasons, struggle more with violent thoughts and tendencies than others.
I just think if we embraced and acknowledged violence as part of our nature on a foundational level and gave people the tools to handle it without shame or causing harm, there would be a massive reduction in violent crimes. This is done a little bit through things like contact sports, fighting sports, violent fiction and video games, etc, but I think proper education about why people want violent things in the first place would make a huge difference.
I just wish antis would stop pointing the blame of people who do violent things "because fiction told them it was ok" on fiction and point it at the people doing the violent things and the society that allows it instead
-an annoyed researcher
#proship#pro ship#profic#profiction#anti censorship#anti anti#can we please just#cease with the bullshit#and work together for real change that actually makes a difference#just#Jesus fucking Christ#we're all supposed to be on the same side#we all (all is a generalization here) are leftists who want societal change#a large portion of us are prison abolitionists on both sides#do we want to reform society or do we not?#wasting time arguing about fiction when we could be putting energy to debating and discussing what changes we want#and how we want to enact those changes so we can actually work on BUILDING something#I'm not saying fiction isn't important#fiction is incredibly important#but I'm just remorseful#imagine if antis could focus on doing things that will actually keep people safe?#we could have our differences in opinion but not allow it to stop us from doing the work#so much wasted potential
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hey doc! uhhh, i've been thinking about that stuff you said earlier. y'know, about the stayin' up late and ending up passing out in weird spots. doesn't sound too good. you've tried energy drinks? i've seen you drink coffee and hot chocolate. pretty much the same! only got a little more of that caffeine stuff in there. perfectly safe and fine
scout. for the last time, no i do not want any bonk, and no, it is not 'pretty much the same' as coffee or hot chocolate.
#for the record i have tried energy drinks before#some of them i will even tolerate#but not that one#also. fun fact! coffee actually has more caffeine than energy drinks do#generally speaking anyway#unless you have a very strong energy drink....#or radioactive waste in a can but that is a completely different story....#no i do not want any#the doc is in#replies from the void#tf2
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The global Industrial Filtration Market is expected to reach USD 47.1billion by 2029 from USD 37.1 billion in 2024 at a CAGR of 4.9% during the forecast period according to a new report by MarketsandMarkets™. The rigorous environmental regulations imposed by governments worldwide require industries to adopt filtration solutions to mitigate pollution and ensure compliance. This regulatory pressure creates a universal demand for filtration technologies across various sectors.
#industrial#industrialization#energy industry#chemical industry#industrial filtration#industrial wastewater treatment#industrial filtration market#filtration#bag filter#filter press#energy#energia#power generation#water treatment plant#wastewatertreatment#wastewater treatment#waste management#zero waste
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Shows really need to stop doing this thing where they have a couple, break them up, have them develop a really solid friendship after individual, personal arcs outside of each other then have them be attracted to each other still and almost try again only for the former almost a couple again be at a wedding where the guy reiterates that he'll always be there for her after making some kind of gesture of unconditional love
and not have them try again or have them get back together in the story.
I get it. I do. But history, personal development and friendship are like the most solid foundations for a healthy romantic relationship.
#daxton#makorra#mostly daxton bc i'll give that korrasami was a wlw ship in 2014 and they had to cut an ep#ks were friends asami was just not utilized well and generally underdeveloped#daxton was a waste of narrative buildup in service of a guy who just sort of started being nice to her#and i get that ben and devi are supposed to “understand each other” and match each others energy#i wanted to like benvi and i don't hate it#but it didn't convince me that it was earned#i don't really Believe Benvi
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Wondering if tumblr is really good for me
#fudge does a talky talk#idk im just thinking#i keep on going to reply sections (bad idea)#and find myself getting into arguments#but what im most concerned about is how#idk harsh i feel im becoming?#like i try my best to somewhat be polite even in repkies but I find myself failing#and i feel like the hostility in tumblr reply sections in general might be a part of that#idk i probably just need to stay away from replies#i geuss whats concerning as well is that i usually tried to avoid arguments in the past#it felt like a pointless waste of energy that wouldn't change the other oersons mind anyway and woukd juetclead to anger on both sides#maybe in some ways its better that I'm more open to the idea people won't always be closed minded but#idk if thats worth the amount of aggression that usually comes with using tumblr reoky sections#or if replying and argueing at all is really worth it#or maybe I'm just blaming tumblr for a me problem idk#because I'll admit deep down kindness is not my first instinct#it is unfortunately to insult and attack perceived threats#i try to manage that but i don't always succeed#maybe tumblr doesn't help but idk#I know I don't usually make posts like these but#i geuss i should in case this leads to me not using tumblr as much? idk if thats going to haooen honestly but I'm thinking#In case it does i felt i should post this so people would udnerstand whats going on#i geuss i don't exactly owe anyone that but#I also wanted to get this off my chest#the more i think about it i think this is more of a 'tumblr bringing out the worst in me' then 'tumblr making me act a way i usually wouldn#idk what haplened with the reoly sections though i really used to not do that#geuss I've been desperate for human interaction? and getting into arguments is easier then starting a freindly conversation with someone#and idk maybe I've been feeling frusterated and like I can't really express my feelings to the people around me#so I've also been craving being able to actually say I don't agree with something#vent post
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it’s so crazy how like. i KNOW that the reason i am fat and, am fat in the specific way that i am, is just that i lost the genetic lottery. i know this. i KNOW that i am always going to be fat and nothing short of a full blown eating disorder or surgery would ever change that. i know these things. and yet every few months i will cycle through the old well maybe if i did this or that or only ate this or ran ten miles and did 600 burpees every day or whatever the fuck. it is so deeply ingrained in our culture that fatness is a character flaw, a simple lack of effort and discipline.
and i KNOW, objectively, scientifically, that is bullshit. but it is still so deeply ingrained in me.
i know that i have so many more fun and interesting and important things to do than dedicate my time to making myself tiny and fuckable and miserable. i know from my own experiences and from watching people i love suffer that it is so much better to just be fat and happy. but it STILL consumes so much of my thought and time with the guilt and the shame and the self-loathing and wanting so badly to be anything else.
#and it always seems so easy for everyone else#i don’t always make the best choices but i don’t think i’m that unhealthy. it seems so much easier for everyone else#AND THATS BECAUSE IT FUCKING IS!!!!#i just drew the generic short straw. sorry bud. try again next life!#and i KNOW all of this to be true but none of it works on the voice that says#it’s just excuses you’re just lazy if you did this if you did that if you made an effort if you were Better if you had discipline if you Try#and it’s just constant daily battle of hitting that voice back with a hammer and yelling MAYBE THATS TRUE BUT ACTUALLY ITS A STUPID FUCKING#THING TO WASTE EFFORT AND ENERGY ON. I DONT WANT TO HAVE AN EATING DISORDER AGAIN IT WASNT FUN AND IT ONKY MADE ME TRY TO KILL MYSELF!!#ITS NOT WORTH IT SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!#guy on the floor pulling his hair out tiktok jpeg#who else is feeling so normal tn
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