#was theres nothing wrong with saying “this person seems to have an identity that i connect to and i see myself in them''

[officiallanxichen]

[ID: a screenshot of a reply by yuri-alexseygaybitch that reads, "Can you explain?" End ID.]

the historical source we have for understanding much of the early roman empire are so fucking bad. like whenever you hear any insane story about tiberius/caligula/nero/commodus/elagabalus imagine trying to put together an account of any modern figure if your only avaiable sources were tucker carlson archives and the daily mail

[the-bonfires-ember]

ive been thinking about that thing people say about mental illness. yknow, 'its not a part of your personality' 'dont make it your identity' etc

but when you have a personality disorder, that doesnt really make sense anymore.

which makes my feelings on cluster b pride flags a little conflicted. coz, sure, it is fundamentally a part of your personality and certainly shapes your identity, but something about pride flags has always been off to me. perhaps especially as a person with aspd.

now, sure, on the one hand i get it. theres something appealing about having that kind of validation that you arent alone, especially when you are constantly masking and shifting who you are to fit the situation best.

we might have antisocial personality disorder but we are still, at our core, social creatures. we still desire community, we're just also afraid of it.

so yeah, a banner of community and others 'like us' seems fair enough, right?

BUT

theres still something... off to me about it. what it was, exactly, only came to me after a discussion with my partner about DID and PluralKit - yeah i know, im diving into plural drama now, lfg i guess

they showed me an infographic about the process of DID recovery which showed the progression from very disconnected and separated identities to a more blended 'final fusion' (a term they take issue with but thats a different story). i said that PluralKit must be confusing for people on the later ends of the spectrum they were showing me because, at that point, how do you tell who is blending with who? when the lines are blurry, how do you know who to tag yourself as? it seemed like an inhibitor to recovery if you were constantly cutting yourselves off from each other. (this is not me saying anything one way or the other about plurals and recovery in DID or whatever the fuck else, im just using this as an example. stfu i dont care about your opinions on any of this so dont waste your breath)

i think my feelings on aspd flags is somewhat similar. coz i mean, they are pride flags, right? and i think if you are taking pride in being aspd then you are far more likely to lean into your symptoms, and i think thats a slippery slope to go down and has just a very 'anti-recovery' vibe, if you know what i mean.

with that all said, i also very much think that if you dont want to recover, you dont have to. i dont think you can force anyone to recover and i dont think you should even try to. recovery is fucking shit and its hard and if you arent ready for it, you are just going to hurt whoever you are trying to make recover.

but i also think that you can have that opinion, whilst also being a voice for recovery, and be against 'anti-recovery' thinking.

because look, like it or not aspd is a fucking disorder. and at some point that becomes unhelpful or it wouldnt be a disorder. symptoms of aspd are debilitating and pretending otherwise that helps nobody. especially with all the 'all pwASPD are evil' scum out there.

so yes, i think the pride flags are... unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. but what about the other stuff? the creatures alla tbh creature and the plushiedreadful rabbit? (i think both of those designs suck btw but thats not the point)

idk those feel like they are in a different category. theres not really a sense of pride in those, more a sense of comfort. again, community, but also a sort of softness(??) that the pride flag things seem to miss - especially when they are like 'vampire aspd' or 'evil aspd' or any of the other bullshit things ive seen out there. i guess they are also just way more 'mental illness' coded than pride flags are.

pride flags have always been a 'we're here and theres nothing wrong with us' kind of thing. but the creatures and the bears are more lighthearted and sort of making fun of the conditions a little bit. highlighting symptoms and coping mechanisms. just look at the imocreature - specifically the worm one which is my favourite - and the way its able to be so pathetic looking and cute. its not meant to be cool or badass or whatever else, its just a lil guy that gets sad without supply.

which, yknow, relatable.

[sentientgopro]

I've written this piece of advice shortly before, and alot of people seem to dance around this idea alot but I don't think I've personally see someone outright say it clearly. This might be good advice, idk, it helped me.

So, to be clear, this is about questioning gender identity and sexuality.

This advice is for people in the situation of "I might be x, but I'm probably not because y". And the key question is, its hard to tell, it can be very subconscious, but how does that make you feel?Dissapointed?

Lemme give a few personal experience examples to explain what I mean: "I think I might be Ace, but I'm not because I have a libido". And I felt disappointed. That's the key thing. The reason feels more like a barrier than an explanation. It didn't feel like "I'm not ace because", it felt like "I CAN'T be ace because". And that's a hard difference to tell in your feelings, but it helps. As it goes, it often turns out that the barrier is based in misconceptions anyway. Ace people can have a libido, its got nothing to do with being ace.

And another example: "I can't be ace because Ive had a crush" and I was dissapointed, but after further examining my feelings, I realised I was wrong, it wasn't really a crush.

"I can't be trans, I don't feel dysphoria." And I was disappointed. But Not all trans people do. However, I did later realise I do feel dysphoria and just didnt notice it before.

And, the important one: "I might not be aro, because I think dysphoria was clouding my judgement and attraction, I just couldnt be hally in a relationship as a guy and so repressed my feelings, I think Im a transbian." And I did not feel dissapointed, I felt fine and comfortable with this fact.

What I'm trying to say is, when finding yourself in a position of "I can't be x because y" if that makes you feel disappointed, there's a good chance you're x. And you also need to do some looking into reason y because theres a good chance it turns out to be flat out wrong and not a barrier. If you think you aren't x and you feel fine with that? You're probably right. Keep an open mind, don't get me wrong, but you're probably right.

I don't know how useful this is, or how original it is, but I hope I'm along the right lines and can help someone either figure themself out or give others the right explanation of how to help and advise other people who they talk to.

[puddlesl1me]

oh im just doing so great. so fantastic.

and it doesnt even matter! none of it matters at all! because in the end no one sees this, no one cares about this, and no one can help me!

and its so awful of me, to want to get help from others in this way, to want to get help from people who are struggling so much more than i am. they dont have the energy to help. they cant help because they need to help themselves first. so im not allowed to ask for help, and yet i do, like the selfish crab i am.

and i expect help as well! i want all my problems that i bring up in vent posts to be mentioned by someone, and thats so awfully needy of me! who am i to ask for that, to ask people to help me in this way? im not nearly important enough for that, nor can anyone actually help me.

...theres actually no reason that i should be feeling like this. that i should want to die, that i should want to feel worse so i can die. everyone else actually has reasons to feel bad. bad parents, horrible accidents, any number of things. and guess what?

I DONT EVEN HAVE ANY TRAUMA!!! IM NOTHING!!! THERES NO REASON I SHOULD BE LIKE THIS!!!

and yet here i am, attempting to steal the spotlight from others, just to feel like something. here i am, attempting to act like others, so i can feel important. theres nothing actually wrong with me, is there? my parents have almost always been good to me, ive never gotten seriously injured in a way that would affect me mentally, ive never experienced a great loss, ive got no reason to feel like this.

and yet. and yet i do. aaaaall to give me some sort of identity. aaaall to make me seem like an actual person rather than a cardboard cutout. a crabbing awful cardboard cutout, too, since i cant even play the role im supposed to play.

maybe thats it. maybe the key is to just continue with my role

BUT I CANT. I CANT DO THAT. ill kill myself before then

oh, but ill kill myself anyways, wont i? theres no reason for me to be here, and dont you dare try to argue otherwise. everyone i know can find a replacement for me. sorry. im not too concerned about all of you. youll lose me and itll all turn out fine.

i just need to make sure i stay feeling awful. i have to wake up awful and go to school awful and go home awful and go to bed awful. a week of this should do it. maybe more if im still feeling like a coward.

and i need to find a way to distract my therapist. i cant be talking about this if i want to die. theyll try to stop me and it wont go well and i CANT HAVE THAT. so i need topics to discuss without drawing suspicion. so that i dont lose my therapist but i also dont alert them that im not doing well. that would erase all my progress.

hhhhhh these vent posts are so annoying to make. i hate that im forced to make them. im sorry for subjecting you all to this. i know im terrible and awful. you cant help and im making you think that you can. im sorry. its awful of me to do that to yall. im the only one that knows better, and im setting an awful role model.

supposedly, i wanted to schedule this so i didn't feel bad about posting it when someone else is doing bad. i suppose ill schedule it for... 7:30, or maybe 7, well say. that way people have some amount of time to see it. maybe.

...not like anyone other than one person will. not like it matters. because people seeing this wont help. no one can reasonably respond to all of this. no one can reasonably help me either. i just need to suffer for the next week or so and i can kill myself. itll be fine. its fine. its fine.

...oh look at me, coming back to this over and over, trying to add more to sentence myself to worse fates. you know people wont read all of this. why bother. the more you add, the less theyll see, the less theyll read, the less theyll respond to. better to spam people like the crab you are.

...like you have been for the past week, with your daily vent posts. no one wants to see this. n-

no, stop. we arent doing this right now. we said wed end this, so lets do that. sorry everyone.

[tmasc-confessions]

(same anon as before) i cant help but suspect that mine aren't being posted because i complain about my fellow trans mascs and how they treat me + others in the trans community. i know i cant see all the submissions you wade through but lots of confessions getting posted are complaining about either cis people or transfems, to about the same degree that mine are critiquing transmascs. nothing inherently wrong with posting those of course. im just getting a feeling about it because it seems disproportionate. some of mine were submitted weeks ago and never posted so its not because im not giving you enough time.

i do not mention discourse or any of the terms you guys dislike in my submitted vents. theyre about transmascs because we are the majority on trans tumblr AND in the queer spaces ive been to irl, so it just happens that most of the trans people ive interacted with are transmasculine. i definitely dont at any point imply that behaviour has anything to do with identity. but there is bad behaviour within our own community that i think needs to be pointed out.

this is turning into another vent, but ive felt alienated my entire life because im a gay immigrant. too gay for my own people, but not western enough in my beliefs/values/actions (or whatever it is people want from me) for american queers. and i feel like i cant talk about that problem because the americans always take it as an insult and get defensive on me. my vents being ignored here is feeling similar but i know that at least some of it is me projecting, since i cant see your inbox myself. idk. i could be wrong.

you published my one vent where i complained about people equating fandom discourse with actual oppression, and told me not to speak over people... maybe it was a misunderstanding, but i just meant that theres a key difference between something online that upsets you but ultimately doesnt matter, and systemic transphobia. it wasnt specifically about confessions on this blog, just general tumblr spaces. i dont think im wrong for pointing this out and wanting to focus on real problems. i know part of it is my phrasing, i have never been "nice enough" by western standards (and folks from my culture think im Too Nice which makes me creepy and weird to them lol) and i promise im trying to be better at that.

it seems to me that theres a drive on this blog and throughout our community overall to validate every negative feeling a trans guy ever has, and i get why, but sometimes its impossible to validate everyone (e.g. you didnt validate my upset in the posted vent because that would invalidate the guys I'm complaining about). but to me, it is insulting to imply that seeing a strangers gender headcanon is anywhere near the same as experiencing systemic transphobia so now *i* feel talked over. like i just keep getting told not to talk about whats bothering me bc other people cant handle it?? i really want a space where i can vent out these feelings and i was hoping to do so here. you dont owe me the space of course, but thats what i was looking for.

i apologise for the length but i hope that gave more context. just to be clear im not assuming the mods here are american, all that is just about personal experience irl. i will be patient for your response (or you can publish this as just a vent and no comments). 🐯 ill start using this tiger emoji if i send any more so you know its me

Well, yes, on a vent blog there is a drive to hear everybody out. Of course. That’s how a vent blog works.

And yes… of course systemic oppression is a billion times worse than headcanons online. Nobody’s putting that in question. I 100% agree with you.

But the purpose of this blog isn’t “tell me the biggest darkest most horrible thing that bothers you”, it’s just “hey, rant about whatever you want no matter how big or small it may be because we wanna provide a space for transmascs to feel comfortable saying what’s on their minds without being scrutinised by the community at large.”

So when you send asks saying what is basically the intercommunity equivalent of “it makes me angry that my friends complain about their lunch in the school cafeteria because there are children starving in third world countries”, then you understand why we would find them a little unreasonable, no?

Nobody’s trying to minimise your struggles or put them on the same level as more trivial things like that. That’s not the purpose of this blog. But if it genuinely makes you uncomfortable to see people venting about headcanons or representation or whatever, then this probably isn’t the blog for you, and I’m genuinely sorry… We try to hear people out about their issues and the things that bother them. Yes, even if it’s something silly like ��I got the girl’s toy at McDonalds and that made me dysphoric.”

You are free to send your rants and vents as long as they are not at the expense of other’s rants and vents. You wanna vent about oppression? I actively encourage it. But there is no reason to drag other people’s vents, no matter how invalid you might think they are, into it.

Also, no, neither of us are from the USA. Neither of us speak English as a first language at all, actually, I’ve just just gotten good with it by using the internet. And I think 🦚 did the same.

[decayfromwithin]

Could I have a reality check? If that isn't okay, please disregard this message.

I worry I am starting to have the delusion that we are a lil spiritually/psychically connected, that we may be the same "souls" experiencing similar but different lives. A lot of the things you post I feel like I "get it", and maybe I project my own identity onto you.

This all sounds very narcissistic and egotistical 🤢 But it is comforting. I don't wish to be close, and I wouldn't want to cause you harm. I've followed you for like 6 years, and these thoughts have only been recent.

This doesn't seem right, does it? /Genuine

Im probably not the best person to ask for a "reality cheek" from since i belive reality is individual. But ill try answer this ask regardless.

I think im a very "spiritual" person, i do belive in connections between people that are deeper than "normal connections", and connections that are meant to be. But theres no way for me to know if we have any sort of connection because you are anonymous, i know nothing about you or who you are, or if we have talked before. I have discovered to have deeply spiritual connections to people before though. But thats alwaya been discovered in physical reality, not online. As its also a physical feeling.

I do not belive in souls at all. In my mind there is no way two people can be the same person. There is only me, in my current life. I wish it was different honestly, and i could hope for more. I cant allow myself the comfort of thinking i have or am more than what i currently have. (Unless we are talking about different dimensions , but we share one, and i can only exsist in one dimension at the same time. But all dimensions i exsist in are a part of me and my current reality, not separate and i could not interact with myself from another dimension, just gain consciousness of it and experience them Simultaneously)

Its very normal if you "get" my posts, and relate to me. But before you get delusional about me , maybe talk to me on a personal level first. Because im very complex in ways that cant be precived from just following me and seeing my online content... even if you feel yourself seen or reflected in 100% of what i post online, that would not mean you are me or even similar to me as a person, or that you even understand me in any degree as your preception of me could be horribly off/wrong.

And again, i dont show all of myself online. Im very carefull to keep my most personal information or even traits to myself or close ones to learn about. I also have DID, so this is just a small part me as an antire person in itself. Our life experiences that shape us are completely diffrent too.

If we do have similarities, if youre able to relate to me deeply, or feel we might have a connection, i think thats at most a great opportunity for friendship. Feel free to dm me, id love to talk. If not, thats fine too. If you are concerned youre getting attached to me in an unhealthy way, maybe just block me and walk away. Whatever you think is best.

I don't understand "dont wish to harm you". The only thing that would upset me is trying to claim you are me online or impersonate me. Id also be uncomfortable to me if you tried to copy my behavior, art or style in order to feel closer to me or being me. There is lovely wonder in accepting yourself as your own being and exploring your own self. Being you is the one thing you will always have that can never be lost or taken away. (Well.. only by de*th...) id say you are the most important being in your own life/reality. Just like i am to myself. And you should focus on that and enjoy it while you can.

Youre free to find comfort in me and my content though. I know a lot of people do relate to my posts and find it comforting and it makes me glad to hear. I want to bring comfort to people. Never pain, hurt, fear.

Wish u the best<3

[razmazaniya]

fakeclaiming is unbelievably damaging and i don't know why people are fine with it like at all

i can understand being skeptical when people say they have a rare disorder that's typically a pretty heavy diagnosis, im guilty of it and i imagine most people have seen someone and gone "i don't know about that one lol," but i will NEVER understand harassing people based on half-baked suspicions

have we forgotten that people who ARE faking still need help guys?? like people don't fake disorders just because they think it's fun and silly, these are people who are in pain and want that pain to be recognized the vast majority of the time

people who are faking could be experiencing psychosis, i know there's a significant chunk of people with bpd who felt like they had multiple identities because of how extreme splitting can be, a lot of the time when people are "faking" they're likely just misinterpreting their own symptoms and still NEED help

nothing will make someone who's mentally ill and in need of help worse than telling them theres nothing wrong with them guys

sorry for ranting in your inbox!! i just can't stand fakeclaiming

i don't even HAVE did it just pisses me off that people think fakeclaiming is some moral responsibility of theirs when its just plain harmful

No no, anon, you're so good. I'm with you on this.

Malingering and factitious disorder are two distinctly separate things and I think people are mostly accusing fakeclaimers of malingering; faking for clout or other benefit. Factitious disorder as far as my own limited knowledge goes is a psychologically-driven compulsion to exaggerate or fake things and is seen quote "in clinical settings" and can be related to other entirely real conditions going on with the person, to put some labels onto some of the things you described in case anyone wants to look further into them.

People also don't understand the drastic overlap of SO many disorders, and also symptoms and how similar they can be OR how similar they sound when they're being explained or felt. Mental disorders are not as well understood as physiological diseases and for the most part, the DSM and official cases and statistics are continually updated and not driven by Pure Scientific Knowledge of equal distribution; there's funding, biases, stigma, misinformation, flaws, peer issues, social problems, and plain technological or human barriers. The DSM is first and foremost shorthand to identify and therefore treat an individual's host of issues. It's not a bible, and the best doctor will treat a person, not a diagnosis.

One symptom of anxiety is "feeling like you're going crazy!" that can cause a lot of issues in a clinical sitting. Dissociation can happen for tons of reasons on a spectrum too, and as you said, BPD is characterized by an unstable sense of self that can be so extreme as to seem like DID. There are really so many things that can be causing something and often a lot of things happen simultaneously, so the focus should always be on healing the person, not debating the labels we have made up literally just for the purpose of communicating and treating people efficiently.

[gikairan]

If you wanna know my thoughts on the game (There will be some spoilers)

Its good! I had a lot of fun! At no point did i go "wow im not having fun"!!!

The combat didnt overstay its welcome, and stayed a good difficulty all the way through. The major bosses managed to all feel pretty different and were engaging to play

And like.... ive seen hints of what people are Discoursing about and i just dont care...

One is "you cant be evil!" And like, have you been able to be evil since DAO? Have you?? Because you kinda havent.

"Writing is bad" Idk man it seemed fine to me. Look, maybe i just like wallowing in trash or something, idk. But nothing made me cringe, nothing made me wish for it to end. Like, the worst i feel in terms of the games writing is that there was one faction, and associated companion, i could not care less about. So that content was a slog. But ill be honest, the entire concept of that faction was always going to be a hard sell to me.

"Companions arent mean to each other!" Idk man, half the fandom hates the (mostly female) characters that are mean to their male favs so like... having everyone get along was probably for the better. Also did you miss the part where Solas commends you for building a team based on trust and friendship? It is literally a power of friendship story!

Like ill give that theres not a lot of opportunity for roleplaying. Rook DOES feel like a very set personality that you can customise exactly what they say, but it all kinda ends up the same vibe But... have many Bioware games are different? Having a voice acted PC limits how many dialogue options you can have, because otherwise the amount of voice lines needed just grows and grows and grows. Like it doesnt feel wrong to me, because thats sort of what i expected from a modern Bioware game? And maybe others should lower their expectations too? this is clearly the course the studio is on, and if you dont like it... you dont have to play their games? Spend more time playing Larian games, or... Owlcat i think theyre called? The ones who made the Pathfinder games, and Warhammer Rogue Trader. Give them your money, and prove theres a demand for that kind of stuff. Instead of expecting a studio owned by a publisher a little hostile to single player story based games to give you that kind of RPG.

Like, i had a good time. I dont really care what other people didnt like about it. There wasnt any big major things that bothered me..... Seriously my biggest complaint is "I dont like how they handled Taash being an immigrant, and their Choice being a binary decision between Qunari culture and Rivain culture. Especially combining with their sub-plot of exploring their gender identity as... non-binary. It feels contradictory!"

Everything else is fine! Its exactly the kind of game i enjoy!!

I also did feel like Bioware heard some of the most common complaints about Inquisition and basically did the opposite. WAY more focus on companions, reduction of busywork quests, more focused maps, making a big decision that actually has major consequences for the rest of the game.... its all a pretty big improvement. I appreciate it a LOT, because playing inquisition again was a struggle. This is way more FUN to play, and will be easier for me to replay in the future

IDK man, i just wish people would stop complaining every time a new dragon age game comes out and it isnt exactly what they want 🙃 I definitely have a lot less complaints about this game than Inquisition, and boy did i get tired of the discourse around Inquisitions release!!

[soudakuwunmoment]

ok so

about the autism yippee guy. thing.

look i dont want to tell you that you cant like it. whether or not you like it is none of my business. i am specifically asking if there are other people who dislike it.

personally, i find that thing to be infantilizing as fuck. it simplifies autism into "yippeee!!!!!" and. i dunno. a little pixel sprite thats supposed to be cute, though i personally find it not to be. it looks like it tried to turn the homestuck baby characters into an animal drawn by a child.

what is it supposed to represent even? that autistic people get excited/loud sometimes? yeah, thats true, but i dont yell "yippee!!!"

thats the opposite of what i do

because im fucking autistic

one of the primary struggles of having autism is that your genuine emotions dont come out the way people expect. ive never had genuine joy or excitement translate to a verbal "yippee". it translates to stimming or nothing, usually.

and the expression of the thing rubs me the wrong way. clearly, its meant to represent the problem i just went over. that expressing your emotions genuinely is difficult. but as an autistic person, im the most expressive person i know. why? because i had to learn to be. being animated and expressive is a result of having to force myself to blend in.

so here we are; half of the autism creature is an innacurate representation of what its like to be autistic, something that we cannot express genuinely (socially accepted verbal excitement) and half of it doesnt actually represent how an autistic person might act.

so heres what you might argue: "you have it backwards! the yippee represents the social masking while the expression represents our actual selves!"

if that were the case, then yes, id be wrong. but dont you think theres a reason it reads the opposite way? am i, as an autistic person, reading it wrong? after all, everyone else seems to like it just fine!

but its just. those people who are connecting with the yippee creature guy. i cant relate to them. anytime i meet someone who is obsessed with the thing, they always come across to me as someone whos trying to be autistic. and dont get me wrong, im the last person to have an issue with people exploring their identities and self diagnosing. i think it can be productive, and a great method of soul searching. what im trying to say is that these people seem to be uneducated in what it really means to live with autism. these people always seem to have the "im obsessed with anime so im autistic" kinda thing going on. yknow, people who think that liking something makes you autistic. and yet i talk to them and i cant see any of what actually makes a person autistic beyond just liking something a lot. and i think its these people who use and spread and hype up the autism creature guy, thus why it literally represents nothing about autism except for the stereotypical traits spread by 14 year olds. this isnt a criticism of people "pretending to have autism" its not my place to decide whether or not youve got autism. maybe the thing that tipped you off to knowing youre autistic is the very fact that you tend to obsess over things in an unusual way. instead, im criticizing the fact that the creature that is supposedly a symbol of autism is an absolute bastardization of what an autistic person actually is. just a cute little fandom guy who gets excited about special interests. maybe that represents your autism, but not mine. sure, i like fandom, im a fucking homestuck, pokemon and fnaf fan after all. but simplifying autism down to that trait is why people dont believe we're actually autistic. its stereotypical and harmful, it ignores the traits of autism that actually are hard to live with. how is this creature supposed to tell you that taking a shower hurts because of how sensitive i am to touch, sound and temperature. how is this creature supposed to tell you how i had become socially outcast as a kid because social lines are blurry at best. how is it supposed to tell you that i cant eat 90% of foods, that i cant drink water because the taste and texture will make me want to throw up. or is it saying these things after all, its just hidden and unspoken, and i was supposed to guess. too bad i fucking cant, because im autistic.

im not a cute little animal thing, thats not my autism, and thats not how autism feels. not even on my best day, do i relate with that creature. not even when my interest make me happy, can i look at that thing and go "yes, this is how i feel!" because its so obviously not me. it just feels like its trying to be me, and insulting me in the process.

i dont understand why people like it, and how im supposed to relate to it. i honestly just fucking hate the autism creature :/

[losingandlearning]

hmp

why cant i communicate clearly? i dont know i feel like im doing.. what others are doing... mimicking them in a way but everytime i talk with someone i never seem to get the reaction im expecting. they always take me the wrong way. i dont feel like i can win in most conversations... ill either be silent and get nothing out of it or say the wrong thing that i dont even know is the wrong thing... and end up feeling weird and off putting. its strange i thought i was getting better at it but i lack the consistency that others seem to have. i thought i if i ignored the expectations i have, and just say what i want it would be more natural and easier. but that doesnt seem to work either. i feel like with the connections i do have, ive already fucked up enough to where i cant say anything to affect their pre established thoughts on me. id love to be able to find out what people truly think of me, not in a narcissistic sense but.... more rather in a way to understand how i come across to see how they think about the things i say. i really dont get it . they can say the exact same things i say, even in the same tone, but it will elicit a completely different reaction. do people just naturally hate me? i know thats self pitying and obviously not true but... even a space where theres no prior history or link to any of my identity i still fail to connect in the way i desire.

"like theres not anyone who.. needs me to be around"

"do you know why that is?"

i dont and thats what bothers me. its weird i want to learn how to not need others but ... in doing so i would definitely solidify the already presence lack of anyones requirement for me. its one of the selfish reasons in why i desire i relationship. i want to need someone in the sense that.. there are few people in this earth who i feel i can share certain parts of myself with, to be able to share it all with one person must be magical... and i want someone to bless me with that same trust. is it so selfish to want to feel special? i dont know i think i deserve it... i just dont know how to get it. not only in a romantic relationship but in all of my connections... i want to be... liked i want to be trusted i want to be ... loved. but. i dont know i guess i must be going about it the wrong way. i cant accept that im just not loveable because well. what do you do then... just die alone and sad?

but i just.. i cant keep waiting for that moment. the flame inside me lingers dully, it will last but it will not give me the strength i need to even enjoy life. i float miserably along. getting stuck on random things that dont even phase others. i dont. i dont know. i WANT to know though, thats the worst thing i WISH i knew what i was doing wrong. maybe i still wouldnt put in the effort to fix it but . atleast id know.

[starswordneo]

Same here; I love the silly goat guy, and Evil Ralsei / False Prince Ralsei & Asriel *Is* Ralsei theories just rub me the wrong way. Theres so much to him that people are willing to brush off callously! Hes such a fascinating character with unique and interesting properties (such as being able to exist anywhere, the Grand Fountain, his advanced knowlege on the Prophecy, etc etc). Evil Ralsei is boring, and we already have Flowey who tried to trick us, that and Ralsei seems to genuinely care for the two. Do the Castle town rooms & ralsei/susie UltimaHealing scenes mean nothing? "Ralsei is hiding information from us!" he literally gave us the manual. Its so dense it "makes your head spin" if you try to read it. We have an IN DEPTH BOOK about rh prophecy, we only dont know it because Kris cant concentrate on how much info is in it (and also, not be spoiled in future developments). False Prince ralsei is also just not a theory im fond of, because of Ralsei seemingly being deceptive, which... isnt really his character? Plus, Lancer seems to be knowledgable that hes a prince, same for King. King of all characters should go "Hah! Your title is as true as lightners being worth your time."

Asriel being Ralsei is such a silly theory I dont know where to begin on debunking / slapping someone on the face (silly) for even conceiving it haha, so much has to be bent in order for that to even be considered to be serious. Theres my vent, now we're even >;]

Oh I had completely forgot that only Lightners can create dark fountains... *facepalm*

However, I like the idea of double trouble knights, but I bring ahold of you with; A flowey esque senario. A being of neither light nor dark. Or maybe even, as foreshadowed by spamton, a Darkner with a Lightner Soul (Perhaps... Dess's?), I'll call em a Shade-ner. A being that is able to traverse both light AND dark worlds, but passes as a darkner? Honestly if not true, I just cooked up a pretty fun concept! I love looking into religons/worldbuildings with dualities, and theorizing about Seraphim/Gray moraled beings. Said Shadener would have to find a way to not be noticed by the light world. With the power of a Lighters Soul for a Darkner, they could likely use said lightners power to create dark fountains

Ralseis identity is such a fascinating subject! In chapter 1, his whole existance was just waiting for Susie and Kris, and before Card Castle's Capture sequence, Ralsei says that all darkners are good for are guiding lightners. Then in chapter 2, hes got the swan ride where he has a slight identity crisis, and Spamton has a slight dark reflection of Ralsei, a man who wants to do what HE wants, not serve others. A Darkner who abandons all healing all conceptions of helping lightners. (Speaking of, Fascinating that Ralsei gets a special item from Spamton. Meanwhile Susie gets Devilsknife specifically for her. What this means... idk)

The resemblence to Asriel is certainly not a coincidence, and is intentional, but why? I had another sort of crack theory that Ralsei is who Kris wanted fo be. A goat like their family, and the second golden kid that never was, hence why Kris's Tea in Cyber City is low. If you saw a reflection of your idealized self, or even someone who reminds you of someone you love dearly, but isnt them... I would be a little bitter/upset, personally.

Anyways, I absolutely love your brain and I've been enjoying talking and theorizing with you! Definitely gonna gnaw on your words for a while :3 Enjoy your day!!

Deltarune crack theorycrafting. Might not make complete utter sense BUT im thinking..

[bunny-heels]

i kept going back and forth on if this would be an appropriate thing to post, but i feel like this is another thing that a lot of people should know regarding the situation, especially since all the things i've seen are only visible to the notes of my post that i feel like others need to be aware of.

so since making my post about the no-fly list situation, ive honestly received almost nothing but people absolutely agreeing with it. other than the first reply of that post being someone who called me anti-american, which i deleted, all the notes have been very civil, open, and completely appreciative of what i wrote, and especially it seems like it's given people a lot more respect for both maia and the targeted people of the list.

ive seen people talk about maia's identity and how important it is to acknowledge that what it is was also correlated to what it did. a lot of people being supportive of maia's personal labels and saying that it doesnt matter what you think of them but whats important is what it did. even someone who said they didn't like maia for being a bi lesbian said they appreciated the effort it took to do what it did.

there's a fair amount of tags on the post from people who had their own, or similar experiences related to the list, or general discrimination when it comes to travel. one person who had a japanese teacher who was on the list for protesting the vietnam war. one whos dad was flagged during screening because of his muslim+indian name. one who had a friend whos been on the list since 4 years of age, meanwhile none of their other family is on the list, because they were the only one with an arabic name.

there were people in the notes who were muslim themselves, some not from america aswell, who had very little info even about the list, and when reading about it were absolutely shocked by what was found, but also grateful for its discovery, probably even feeling a lil safer knowing that there is someone who cares about them enough to do something that many, many people wouldnt.

today, someone who was on anon sent a message in my inbox, saying that they appreciated my post for very personal reasons. out of respect i wont share it, but one particular part of it that stood out, among the other details, and something that many, many people in the post notes have been saying is that my post was their exact thoughts on the situation that they couldnt put into words the same way i did.

i think theres another important thing that people are missing about the no-fly situation. something i've seen myself, which many people will completely discouraged and say it's dangerous.

you should not be scared to talk about and have opinions on things you care about. because if you cared about them, then it doesn't matter what others think of you. if you say an opinion and you lose a friend over it, that's their decision. you lose family over it, that's their decision. you lose followers/subscribers/supporters over it, that's their decision. it's everyones decision to do what they feel depending on the reactions they have to what you say. there is nothing you can do about it. there is nothing you can do about someone disagreeing with you. and that's okay.

it's okay if you lose a friend, a family member, and supporters. it's okay if they disagree with you. it's okay that they don't want to be around you anymore. because then that means you can be happy. that means you are finally getting room to be who you are and have no one around to tell you otherwise, to tell you that they think youre wrong and deserve to be left alone.

as time goes on, you'll gain people who will care about you again. who agree with your opinions and agree with who you are. people that want to let you know they value your opinion and will keep you in a space with others like you. by then it won't matter what or who is against you. all that will matter is that youve given yourself a new start. a new area to be free and not worry about those who go against you.

it's okay to show that you care about people. that you want the best for them. that you want the world to be a better place. it's okay for you to surround yourself with those who will respect you and care about what you have to say. it's okay that you've formed opinions based around you and others experiences. that's okay. you're okay.

learn to care about yourself. to care about people who are like you and have been through what you have. to listen to others and understand where theyre coming from. you dont know them and they dont know you. and learn to stand up for yourself. be open about what you believe in. dont be afraid of who wont like you. of who will threaten to leave or hurt you for what you think. your opinions and what you have to say are important. you are important. as important as everyone who is similar to you and thinks what you think. you will never lose that.

to people who are also in LGBT+ like maia, i'm glad you have someone to look up to. to the muslim, indian, arabic, hispanic, japanese, chinese, korean, russian, ukrainian, and many others out there, i'm glad you know just how much people care about you and want you to be happy.

and to the anon, i won't post your ask. but i will keep it with me out of joy that i've made you feel comfortable.

[transmeds]

I fail to see the issue with “masc nouns” (mealexical language). Such nouns refer to language that is generally used to describe individuals who experience some sort of gender masculinity or consider themselves a male/man, hence the use of the use of the word “masculine” (of or referring to men/males). Everyone knows that men do not have to be masculine, but by the same token, surely you realize that masculine people don’t have to be men and can choose referential language that describes them as anyone else. So, yeah, it does make sense if a person who isn’t “male”, a word that is used to describe a binary gender identity, bodily sex and the gender role of “man” often ambiguously, wouldn’t want to be called male if they weren’t one. Still, they may have other connections to manhood, maleness or masculinity they deem significant enough to use mealexical language, and they deserve to have that respected. Male isn’t a dirty word, but it’s a loaded word for many trans people. Also, some people who are masculine aren’t males. Surely, you, a GNC trans man, can at least appreciate that. After all, you describe yourself as effeminate and can obviously distinguish presentation from identity. What it seems that you are misunderstanding is that they can be intertwined in complex ways that you yourself may not understand, but the individual themself does, which can include a non-male identity, but a legitimate desire to be referred to using mealexical language. I find it strange you can separate presentation from identity, but not pronouns and other similar functions of grammar. Can you maybe explain why you feel that way? How is one okay with you but not the other and why?

see i can separate presentation from identity, but i consider he/him pronouns and words like man, which mean nothing except for male, to inherently be.. male and completely separate from presentation.

you basically asked me "how can you separate something that has nothing to do wifh gender from gender, but can't separate words that have no other purpose except for describing gender and referring to someone in a gendered way?"

its not like i think that people have to exclusively be okay with using the accepted pronouns n words n theres no exceptions, but i am saying the people who genuinely want to be called a man, a boy, a him. words that do nothing except describe being a male, have no reason to call that something masculine when it's not, its male.

i get what you mean by masculine people not having to be men, for sure. but why would someone who isn't male actively wish to use "masculine" nouns and pronouns and actively wish to gender themselves as a man? as a male?

and see, im fine with it in a lot of situations. im fine with people calling me a girl in the way that i want crossdress. im fine with people using she/her on me in the same sense. but i am not a girl and i dont use she/her pronouns. i am fine being Seen as a woman because i just don't care. theyre wrong and they dont change what i am, i am not female and i dont identify as female or with female nouns. i like FEMININE things, feminine words. being pretty, being beautiful. none of those things are inherently female. being a girl, a woman, a ma'am however? those are female. so why call them feminine nouns when theyre not?

if someone is a "non-male" but actively wants to call themselves male (1. at that point they probably are male 2.) it is not an excuse to actively try to degender words meant to males and try to force men into using masculine instead of male. there is no "gender masculinity" there's masculinity and theres gender. separately.

[aftonfamilyvalues]

she didnt look like a man. she looked like a woman wearing a silco cosplay. which is how i could tell she was a woman and not a man. because you can typically tell the difference between short haired women in mens formal wear and regular ass men. do you think theres something wrong with being attracted to masculine women who embrace being women and know that rejecting femininity doesnt make them not women?"

By your own admission they arent a woman bc of her pronouns? Now you're saying bc your opinion and feelings on them that they are and you didn't just insult them and talk shit? Lmfao you spend alot of time creeping on people it seems bc you can instantly spot somebody in formal wear and tell their gender. By your own logic someone like Eliot Page isnt a man bc he isn't masc enough but wasnt a women before bc they looked masc beforehand.

It must be confusing to be so stupid and full of hate plus being small minded.

If this was 50 years ago you would be in a freak show 🤣

you lot tend to get really defensive over people having pattern recognition when it comes to recognizing biological sex. creepy? we are animals for fuck sake, it wouldnt serve us or any other species to not be able to tell who plays what role in reproduction. recognizing sex is literally the basis of sexuality and every time you play stupid youre being homophobic. gay people dont accidentally end up in gay relationships. if people couldnt tell the sexes apart, homophobia wouldnt exist and no gay person would get beaten or murdered for being gay.

anyway, that cosplayer is a woman who rejects her womanhood. she still is a woman and always will be but doesnt see herself as such. pronouns or any other view she may have of herself dont change her reality of being a woman though.

and elliot page isnt a man not because "he isnt masculine enough,” but because she was born female. she is and always has been a woman simply because of this fact. it doesnt matter what she calls herself or how drastically she alters her body. it never mattered how she acted or what she wore because femininity and masculinity have nothing to do with anyones sex. being a woman is the reality of being an adult human female, not an identity you can hop in or out of. same as the cosplayer. not sure where you pulled any of that bullshit from though.

but maybe if you could read what i wrote without twisting every word into something to be offended by you could understand what im actually saying and come up with an argument built upon that instead of arguing with an imaginary person over the made up point of view you gave them?<3

[mattelektras]

in your opinion what’s ur top 4 worst dc writers and top 4 worst marvel writers (and maybe top writers too for both?)

even writers i'd put at the top i have issues with sometimes or im not willing to commit to them being good for the future i dont wanna get too friendly w these bitches

tbh most writers write for both marvel and dc (and other stuff) so theres only rly one list and it’s more than 4 because i’m jessie, 25, and i never learned how to shut the fuck up

frank miller - has wronged me personally as well as just. being a bad person and that showing in his writing

dan slott - will see a spiderman franchise doing perfectly fine, ask who is going to fuck this up for the rest of time? and not wait for an answer

grant morrison - just never seems to care about the history of the character theyre writing. like there's jsut no substance because they pretty much do whatever they want regardless of the consequences

charles soule - has wronged me personally. writes comics for years and fails to convince me even once that he likes the character

scott lobdell - just. a fucking idiot. just dumb as all fuck w the atrocious choices he makes in his writing. an honest to god moron

dc: tom king - just writes in circles whist thinking he's saying something profound. he isnt

chuck austen - makes some balls to the walls insane choices no one asked for. sees a woman, fuckin floors it. yes she hulk SHOULD fuck juggernaut and anyone who disagrees doesnt understand redemption

bendis - just. wildly shifts from writing good shit and then some absolute nonsense. often tries to take established characters in new directions and it WORKS sometimes ie daredevil identity reveal but other times its a shitshow ie mcu tinged guardians

brian azzarello - edginess isnt a skill. i would know

favourites that i like but exist eternally on thin ice

mark waid - basic action superhero genre shit w a real intelligence and thoughtfulness which is what makes comics more than just silly little picture books sometimes

ed brubaker - has a classic spy brand throughout all of his books without it being repetitive or boring or out of place

ann nocenti - really DEVELOPS her characters. no character shes ever written has been the same at the end of her run. you believe that theyre really gone through some shit

greg rucka (elektra vol 2 notwithstanding. i do not perceive it) - just fuckin. GOOD honestly. innovative stories without the need for continuity events, care about what hes writing

peter milligan - this is a me thing i think. i just find his writing kinda comfy. ive read elektra vol1, justice league dark vol 1, xstatix more times than i can count. theyre nothing universe changing or groundbreaking and they dont really matter in the grand scheme but i have Fun. his red lanterns book give me bleez content. i owe him my life

john byrne - his superman stuff has real like. soul. and u cant write superman without it. ppl talk about frank miller ~~~~defining batman or daredevil or whatever but byrne's superman is what Defining a character looks like imo

[spnshameblog]

I'm interested to know what you stance on Misha is after all this. peope seem to be pretty divided about this. has your opinion of him changed?

ok, i think this is gonna be a bit wordy. ive been in this fandom on and off for about a decade. if you follow a show and its actors for that many years, you are going to see them act in ways you cant support. everyones boundaries are different and ive withdrawn my support for people over things that other might find laughable, so i would never say that he hasnt done anything so bad that people should "unstan" him. personally, i dont think he has done something so bad that i cant ever support him again. over the decade he has said and posted some really dumb and sometimes offensive shit and i cant give you an itemised list of all happenings, but iirc he almost always apologised and i dont remember him making the same mistake twice. so if he says he apologises and is learning, i want to believe him, i just have no idea what thats going to look like.

see, a lot of us arent upset about a "misfired joke", if anyone else had done that people would be like "haha embarassing, lets move on", but a lot of people genuinely assumed him to be queer even before he made that comment, which is proven by the thousands of comments going like "i thought he had been out this entire time". a huge amount of people drew the conclusion, based on his actions and his words, that he wasnt straight, even though he personally never said so. so the thing most people are upset about is that theyre now having to recontextualise years (in my case a decade) of stuff we consciously or subconsciously interpreted as evidence. YES you shouldnt assume someones identity, but its not like he dissuaded people from speculating. quite the opposite and that is another reason why people are upset.

they feel like misha has been deceiving them, using his ambiguity for attention and support from lgbt people and theyre not entirely wrong. a lot of stuff can, in hindsight, be explained by him noticing that his fans seem to really respond to him acting a certain why, so why not act that up a little. what i take issue with is the claim that most of his personality and his support for queer causes were to garner support from queer people. i dont know the guy and i cant make any definitive statements, but i believe he is really mostly like that lmao. he has talked about how people are surprised by how, for a lack of a better word, 'unmasculine' or emotionally open he is. if he was just 'acting up the gay' around fans, then why have his colleagues and friends also commented on this? and he definitely has had to experience homophobic microaggressions esp on the set of spn, which doesnt make sense if hes like, a normal macho dude when fans arent watching. again, yes, i totally believe he purposefully exaggerated some of it bc fans eat that shit up and if nothing else hes a people pleaser. and also sometimes straight guys just act a little gay, idk what to tell you.

so now theres the theory that it actually WAS an honest comment, but for some reason he decided he needed to go back into the closet. now, if someone states their own orientation THIS explicitly im bound to accept that, however i can see where this theory is coming from, given that there are some instances that simply cant be explained as jokes or him acting up the gay etc. at least from our perspective. so idk buddy, he might be, he might not be. however i dont agree with the sentiment that him going back in the closet is funny. like ive seen posts like "funniest outome would be him actually coming out in 5 years and nobody believes him" idc if im a little softie, but that idea isnt funny to me at all. IF he ever comes out, im fully prepared to believe him immediately, even if it makes me look like a clown again.

so i can empathise with people having all kinds of reactions to this from trying to make sense of it, to distancing themselves, from trying to forget about it, to dragging him for filth, imho all valid reactions. i dont agree with people saying that this situation is the fault of the fans, ive said multiple times that this specific situation and the fact that people were so ready to believe he's bi were misha's own doing. and i dont agree with people saying he is a master manipulator who has been tricking lgbt people out of their money for years by being a 24/7 gay for pay.

so tl;dr: idk lol? im waiting to see how his behaviour changes after these events, but aside from being really confused i cant say my opinion of him has changed that much?