#was supposed to be living with a friend but that didn’t work out
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i love you, i’m sorry
— m.s
in which . . . matt accidentally confesses something he shouldn’t have in the heat of an argument.
genre/trope . . . enemies to lovers, angst. (resolved)
warnings . . . arguing, kissing & more.
written by . . . @delilahsturniolo. do not copy, steal, or re use my works. do not take inspiration without asking permission first. happy reading! :)
“lay on the horn to prove that it haunts me.”
“i love you i’m sorry.”
you and matt have known each other your entire lives, which was unfortunate for the both of you. you may be asking yourself, if you’ve known each other for so long shouldn’t you be best friends?
well, it was quite the opposite actually. you and matt have hated each other for whatever reason, it was a rivalry between you two. you guys couldn’t even be in the same room without bickering, when your family and matt’s family hung out it was absolute hell for you.
all you wanted was to avoid matt at all costs, no matter the circumstances. however, you always got along with matt’s brothers.
you and matt never had a reason to hate each other, in fact you tried being nice to him sometimes. you both just never got along, bickering and complaining about each other 24/7. if you got a dollar for how much you both piss each other off everyday, you’d be filthy rich.
but, matt wasn’t a complete jerk. he didn’t completely despise you, sometimes he held the door open for you. other times, he would slam it shut in your face. matt absolutely adored teasing you, and doing small gestures just to make you annoyed at him. that was something he never failed at.
you had sort of a mixed and unsure feeling about matt. you were confused, you didn’t know how he felt about you. did he hate you, or not? even better question, did you truly hate him?
yes, of course you did. you were supposed to, you can’t love him. but…you felt something different over the past few weeks. as much as you hated to admit it, nowadays you didn’t mind his presence. just a few months ago, you’d rather get hit by a bus than be near him. but other days, he pissed you off more than anything. you hated him…but you didn’t at the same time.
you didn’t know what this feeling was, it made you sick. falling for your childhood enemy? it was impossible, it couldn’t happen. you hated it, you couldn’t make it stop. all you could do was push down your true feelings, and keep pretending.
so now here you were, in the present. it was pretty late in the night. you were at the triplets house, in the kitchen. nick was out for a space camp photoshoot, while chris was sleeping in his room.
you leaned against the counter, scrolling mindlessly on your phone as you popped a potato chip in your mouth, feeling the salty sensation sink on your tongue. quietly humming to yourself, you took in the peaceful silence. that is, until you heard the front door open.
matt walked in the house, going right into the kitchen. he huffed as he saw you, rolling his eyes. you bit your lip, not even acknowledging him.
matt walked over to the counter, shoving you over with his body so he could get by. you grunted, your phone clattering to the floor.
“dude, can you not?” you scoffed, pissed off as you picked your phone up from the floor. matt turned on the sink, beginning to wash the dishes.
“can you not with the attitude?” matt mocked you, not even batting you an eye. usually you would just flip him off and leave, but you didn’t this time. you wanted to confront him, show him that you weren’t a pussy.
to the both of you, arguing was a competition. you would just keep going on and on until one of you backed down, and usually it would be you. however, not this time.
“i don’t have a fucking attitude.” you crossed your arms, the back of his head facing you as he aggressively scrubbed a plate. you were testing his limits, and you found pleasure in that.
“whatever floats your boat.” matt shrugged, laughing to himself. “do you always have to be so annoying?” he continued, which only provoked you more.
you rolled your eyes and sealed the bag of chips shut. “do you always have to be so mean to me all the time?” you shot back at him. matt turned off the sink water, wiping his hands before turning around to face you. “i’m not mean, sweetheart. come on, is that all you got?” matt teased you, knowing it would make you annoyed.
“shut up!” you raised your voice at him slightly, making him scoff in disbelief.
“what the fuck is your problem?” matt raised his voice back at you, you weren’t in the mood for this right now. your frustration was building up by every passing second.
“you, matt! you’re my problem!” you shouted back at him.
“my fucking goodness, y/n. you’re always starting shit, aren’t you?” matt complained, throwing his hands up in the frustration. you simply said nothing.
“what? cat got your tongue?” matt darkly chuckled. you rolled your eyes, starting to walk away. matt only followed after you.
you stomped outside into the driveway, it was the dead of night. you suddenly felt matt grab your arm, turning you around to face him.
“let me go, matt.” you spoke fiercely, trying to yank away from him. his grip only grew tighter, he completely ignored your protests.
“y/n, stop it. listen to me.” matt told you, you only shook your head.
“get away from me, matt. i hate you.” you remarked, matt shook his head. “no you don’t.” he pulled you closer.
the cold wind blew in your hair, matt’s eyes pierced into yours. “what are you talking about?” you questioned him.
“you don’t hate me.” matt shrugged, you weren’t even trying to pull away from him anymore. something was drawing you to him, and you didn’t mind it for once.
“yes i do! you don’t care about me!” you argued back, matt completely snapped at you.
“of course i care, y/n! how could i not care? i care more than anything in the world.” he shouted.
“since when did you start caring about me!?” you scoffed in disbelief.
“since fucking forever, you idiot!”
and those exact words, the moment they came out of his mouth silenced you. which by the way, was a rare occurrence. your lips parted slightly. “what?” you murmured.
matt let go of your arm, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “i love you, okay? i love you so fucking much, goddamnit! i’m sorry i fell in love, i can’t do shit about it and…i didn’t want it to happen, y/n.” matt blurted out. what? this was the absolute last thing you were expecting.
“you…what?” you spoke softly. your mind was racing with a million thoughts at once. matt was in love with you? your heart began to beat faster as you looked into his eyes.
“you think i wanted this to happen? trust me, i’m just as confused as you.” matt’s voice broke. you both stood across from each other, goosebumps raising onto your arms.
“i love you too, matt.” you whispered. matt’s gaze immediately softened.
“but…the thing is i can’t. i can’t love you. it won’t work out. we can’t be together and you know that.” you muttered, looking away from him as you said that.
“you don’t get it. it’s not that easy to lose feelings for you, if i could i would. i can’t lose feelings for someone i’ve loved for so fucking long.” matt’s voice came out shaky as he expressed all of his emotions.
you sighed, stepping closer to him. he looked down at you, his eyes growing glossy. your hand traveled up his chest and to the side of his neck, matt’s breath hitched at this action.
before he even knew what was going on, you leaned in, pulling him in for a kiss.
both of your lips connected, your heart felt full, as if you had been needing this your entire life. matt groaned against your lips as the kiss grew more and more passionate, more hungry.
you both wanted this badly, you craved each other more than anything. this felt so wrong in your brain, but yet so fucking right in your heart.
matt’s hands gripped your waist tightly as you wrapped your arms around his neck, your lips continued to dance with his, you felt his soft and supple lips crash against yours once more.
matt pulled away from the kiss, not letting go of you though. you looked up at him, a smirk creeping up on your face.
“mmm..you’re not so bad after all.” matt hummed, his finger lifing your chin up with dominance.
“i’m gonna murder you, sturniolo.” you teased, matt only chuckled, his hand moving to your cheek, caressing the skin gently.
“you wouldn’t.” matt smiled down at you, before leaning into your face once more, his lips colliding with yours again.
maybe loving him wasn’t so bad after all.
© delilahsturniolo
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Love in verses (XXVI)
Chapter 26: ‘Well, how else are you to live except by denial’
Hi! Here is a new chapter! This is one of my favourites, just… some adorable stuff!
I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!
****
Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)
Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here
Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?
Word Count: 4227
Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist
Earl
In Sitka, because they are fond of them, People have named the seals. Every seal is named Earl because they are killed one after another by the orca, the killer whale; seal bodies tossed left and right into the air. “At least he didn’t get Earl,” someone says. And sure enough, after a time, that same friendly, bewhiskered face bobs to the surface. It’s Earl again. Well, how else are you to live except by denial, by some palatable fiction, some little song to sing while the inevitable, the black and white blindsiding fact, comes hurtling toward you out of the deep?
Louis Jenkins
The pain in your abdomen was a sensation you were used to, sadly. You recognized the pattern in the intensity, you knew it perfectly after years of suffering once a month. This month seemed to be particularly nasty though, and there was little doubt on to why. Your stress was so high these days, between your new job, your research, your career, and Frank’s bloody wedding… You were drowning, to be fair. Drowning in an ocean of emotions. You bent in front of your sink, waiting for the wave of pain to fade again, closing tightly your eyes, while the microwave beeped with the heating pad now reaching a burning temperature. You placed it on your stomach, not caring about your skin, only about the pain under it.
Damn… that was a bad month…
You stood straighter again, letting out a long and careful exhale, relaxing once more. Your head was spinning a little, but you didn’t dare to eat too much for now, your nausea was too bad and you didn’t want to end up throwing up. You settled for a bit of rice and an apple for lunch.
You were supposed to see Andrew this afternoon, but there was no way you could plan on fucking up Frank’s appointment at the tailor when it was hard to stand… At least, it was the weekend, you didn’t have to deal with work, and could spend your day being a burrito on your couch while watching TV and eating junk food.
You were supposed to shop for groceries in the morning, but you didn’t have the strength for that either, so you decided that you would get some food delivered for the rest of the weekend and would tackle the issue of not dying of starvation on Monday.
You sat down on your couch, at long last, heaving a sigh of relief. You held the heating pad against your stomach, covered yourself with a blanket and grabbed your phone while you turned on the TV.
You pressed on Andrew’s name on whatsapp while the tu-dum noise of Netflix echoed in your living room.
You heaved a sigh…
… you had forgotten tea… never mind, you were too much in pain and too tired to be bothered making some tea now that you were seated.
Back to your phone, you typed your message quickly.
Hi Andy! Sorry, but I’m not feeling well today, gonna have to cancel for this afternoon. We’ll talk about our plans next week. Hope you have a nice weekend, see you on Monday! Xx
You pressed ‘send’ and started browsing in the list of movies available on your TV screen.
Your phone lit up with Andrew’s name.
Sorry to hear that! Are you alright? Do you want me to drop you something?
You were too tired not to acknowledge the warmth that spread in your chest as you read his text.
Nothing to worry about, don’t worry.
His answer was quick to arrive.
Are you sure? You want me to drive you to a doctor or something?
You chuckled at his obvious worry. He really was too sweet…
No, I’m okay. Period being bitches, that’s all. I can handle it.
He answered with a thumbs up right under your text, right when you found Pride and Prejudice was on Netflix…
Well, it looked like your afternoon was all set.
You cursed under your breath. You didn’t have any snacks. Not even chocolate… and your kitchen was so fucking far… a whole ten steps away…
Damn you and your stupid brain.
You were surprised when you received another text from Andy.
So, what’s planned for today? Did you get your groceries this morning?
You snorted at the mere thought.
Nah. Too much in pain. Too tired to go to the kitchen and make myself tea, so imagine going outside with people?! No, thanks.
I’m gonna spend my afternoon with Mr. Darcy instead.
You waited for his answer, ignoring your TV now.
The Keira Kinghtley movie?
You sent him a thumbs up.
Will you hate me if I admit that I’ve never watched that film?
You almost dropped your phone.
YOU’VE NEVER SEEN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?!
OH THAT’S IT! DISHONOUR! DISHONOUR ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!
He sent a laughing emoji.
You’ve forgotten the dishonour on me and my cow too…
You couldn’t refrain a laugh, even though it hurt your stomach.
You don’t have a cow. But I’ll take it out on Elwood.
You could picture the grin on his face at the joke.
HOW DARE YOU! HE’S SUCH A GOOD BOY!
Elwood, my son, don’t listen to the nasty lady…
You laughed again, but quickly stopped this time, the pain getting too strong.
You didn’t think as you wrote your next text.
You could drop by and watch it with me.
You reread the text and realised your mistake; your eyes grew round. You were in your old pyjamas, you hadn’t showered and had no intention to do so, your hair was a mess, you hadn’t washed your dishes…
You wanted to delete the text, but the blue symbols under it let you know that he had already read it.
Damn it!
I mean… I’m in pain, grumpy and look like trash…
So… maybe not the most pleasant way to spend your afternoon.
Feel free to refuse.
You waited for his answer, watched the dancing dots, until a text was received.
I’d love to, actually.
Besides, I am not five, I know about menstrual cycles, thank you very much…
You bit on your lips as you hesitated.
You’ve never seen me like that.
A pause. You guessed that he had rephrased his text several times.
Would that make you feel uncomfortable?
You thought about it for a second. Frank didn’t really pay attention to that part of you. It was cliché, but you knew he was making a conscious effort to acknowledge your period and how much of a burden they were to you. You saw it as him making an effort at the time. Now, you were worried Andrew would be the same, with typical disappointing male behaviour…
And yet, you didn’t care. You couldn’t find a way to care. You couldn’t imagine Andrew, out of all people, disappointing you on that. Perhaps it was naïve, you weren’t sure. Your answer was earnest anyway.
No
His answer came in a matter of seconds.
Give me forty minutes to come over then.
You smiled.
An hour then.
You laughed again at his answer.
Gobshite…
You didn’t select the movie for now and merely watched some crappy TV instead, with whatever was on.
You tried not to pay too much thought on how excited you were at the idea of Andy coming soon…
Andrew ended up ringing at your door an hour and fifteen minutes later, proving you right about his time blindness, and the thought made you smile. You had washed your dishes waiting for him, using a fifteen-minutes break from the pain to stretch your legs and attempt to look like a human being. The pain was soon back with full strength though, and you gave up on the idea to change into a proper outfit. You remained in your comfortable pyjamas, tied your hair up to hide the mess it was, and went back to suffering on the couch, the heating pad growing colder and less effective, but you were too tired to get up again.
You groaned as Andrew rang at your door, forcing yourself to stand. You couldn’t hold yourself completely straight, not with the pain in your stomach being now combined with a sharp stinging sensation in your lower back. You opened the door still, and welcomed Andrew with a genuine smile.
He was wearing his hair in a bun today, his glasses perched on his nose, and a warm smile on his lips as his gaze rested upon you. He looked gorgeous in a simple brown jacket, dark jeans and a black turtleneck. You couldn’t refrain the way your heart fluttered at the sight, nor the butterflies that were added to your painful stomach.
“Hey! God, you do look like shite,” he exclaimed, but there was worry in his frown despite the obvious teasing in his voice.
“Thanks for the compliment,” you stuck your tongue out, and he couldn’t refrain a chuckle.
He walked inside, took off his shoes and jacket, and it’s only when he set the bags on the floor to do so that you noticed them.
“What’s that?” you asked.
“Groceries.”
You looked up at him with a puzzled look.
“Jeez… if you were busy this afternoon, you should have declined!”
He laughed, and you were more puzzled than ever.
“These are for you,” he clarified, picking up the bags again.
You blinked up at him.
“For… me?”
“Yeah… you said you didn’t get any groceries this morning. Can’t let you starve! Come on, get a move on, these need to go in the fridge.”
You let him pass, followed him in your kitchen. He started to empty the two paper bags on your kitchen counter.
“I didn’t get you much, just enough to last for a couple of days. Pass the weekend. Nothing that needs fancy cooking either, don’t worry. Mostly pasta, rice, and a few vegetables and fruits. I also got some take out for tonight, so you don’t have to bother with cooking today. Chinese, hope you’re in the mood for that. And then, the obvious ice cream, crisps and chocolate combo. Oh, and I bought you this tea! My mom recommended it once for menstrual cramps to one of my cousins, and it’s apparently pretty nice, so… thought you could use that too.”
He looked up at you then, after his little babbling. He frowned at your expression though, and you noticed the shift in his demeanour: the way he shrank, bending over himself instead of standing straight, with his full height. Trying to look smaller than he was, to occupy as little space as possible. He rubbed nervously at his collarbone.
“I… I thought it would make things easier for you. I… I’m sorry if I’m overstepping… if you… sorry. Sorry…”
But he was interrupted by your arms around him; you almost tackled him with the strength, and you heard the loud huff he let out at the impact. It took him a couple of seconds to close his arms around you too, but then it felt like he was unwilling to ever let go.
“Thank you so much,” you mumbled into his chest. “That’s… so fucking sweet, Andy.”
“That’s nothing,” he tried to brush your thankfulness away, but you could hear in his voice that he was smiling again, feel that his body was relaxing once more. “I didn’t mean to overstep… I just… I just thought it would make it easier for you.”
You spotted your favourite chocolate on the table, along with some ice-cream.
“These are my favourite,” you whispered.
“I know.”
“You didn’t have to do that…”
“It’s nothing.”
You didn’t say it. You didn’t say that Frank had never done that for you. And Andrew did? When he wasn’t your boyfriend? When he didn’t even have feelings for you?
“Do you need anything else?” he asked, rubbing your back, and the caress was so soothing you were ready to cry. “Painkillers or something? I can go to the pharmacy…”
“I’ve got that covered, don’t worry. Thank you.”
“Right…”
Another cramp came breaking your embrace, you let out a groan as you held your painful stomach. You tried not to think of how your heart stumbled and missed a few beats when Andrew brushed a messy strand of your hair behind your ear.
“You really don’t look well. You should sit down.”
“I need to reheat my heating pad…”
“I’ll do it. I’ll do that, love. Sit down, okay?”
‘Love’… he had called you ‘love’… You wanted to cry…
Why were you so affected by it? It was Andy. It was Andy, not Frank, and you wanted Frank, you wanted Frank, you wanted…
He walked into the living room about 10 minutes later, carrying your heating pad under his arm, ice cream and some chocolate. He had to go back to the kitchen to fetch your two cups of tea.
“Alright… need anything else?”
You shook your head, and he settled on the sofa next to you. Readjusted the blanket so it would cover your feet. You didn’t recognise the flavour of the tea, you reckoned he had made a cup of the one his mother had recommended.
You refused to name the feeling that was spreading across your entire body, the unbearable fondness aimed at Andrew that came with it.
I want Frank, I want Frank, I want Frank…
“Alright, let’s watch Mr. Darcy getting rejected…” he grinned at you, as if he was at his happiest, as if he couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend his afternoon than to watch Pride and Prejudice with you while nursing you back to health because you were on your period…
You scoffed, trying to hide the tears in your eyes by looking for the movie on Netflix again.
“He doesn’t just get rejected. They do get together at the end, you know?”
“Thanks for spoiling it all to me…”
“Wait… you told me you read the book…”
He laughed.
“I did! I was joking, like… It was a joke. I did read it. I simply haven’t watched any adaptation.”
“Wow… Oh… so you haven’t seen the one with Colin Firth either?! The BBC series?”
“Nope…” he answered, popping the ‘p’ before taking a sip of his tea.
Two teabags. As always. The detail made you smile.
“Okay, that is going to be our next activity together.”
He laughed, but didn’t contradict you, on the contrary.
“Well, I guess my next Sunday is all booked…”
“Indeed, it is!” you grinned, but your tone was too soft not to show how emotional the thought of spending another afternoon like this with Andrew made you feel.
He didn’t comment on that, though, and you were grateful for it.
He reached for your coffee table, where he had put the two sets of ice-cream and spoons, and handed you one.
Your heating pad was back on your stomach, warm and effectively soothing your cramps. You seized the opportunity to eat a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream.
You moaned at the taste.
“Andy… this is perfect, I hope you’re aware of how amazing you are.”
He chuckled, but there was something a little sad in his eyes when he looked down at his food, a tinge of melancholy. You didn’t know why.
“Bribing you with chocolate is the way to your heart, then,” he joked, clearly stirring the conversation away from himself, while pushing his glasses higher on his nose.
“Of course,” you rolled your eyes, starting the film.
You exchanged another smile, while the movie started. You didn’t realise your own movements as you scooted closer to him on the couch, and neither did he notice how he leaned towards you, until your arms were softly touching.
“You have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love… I love… I love you…”
You heaved a sigh after whispering the words in sync with Mr. Darcy, clutching at your heart, burying your face further in Andrew’s shoulder.
You weren’t sure when you had ended up in Andrew’s arms, but you were now. He had wrapped an arm around your shoulders at one point, noticing how livid you had become because of the pain, how you had tried to withhold your wince but failed. And it was meant as a temporary anchor, a soothing gesture that should have lasted just a few minutes, until the pain subsided again. But when you relaxed once more, he didn’t pull away, and instead of freeing yourself from his hold, you leaned closer, sank deeper into his embrace. And now, he was resting his long fingers on your waist, while you leaned into his chest.
Which was… better not think about boundaries and friendship and professional behaviour and all those limits you were breaking.
Meanwhile, Andrew was brushing a tear away, but you spotted it before he could pretend it hadn’t happened.
“I know… I know…” you patted his chest, trying not to notice that you were touching his chest. “I cry every time too.”
“For proof,” he chuckled, brushing your tear away with his thumb, making your heart stutter and expand to the point that you wondered how it hadn’t broken any of your ribs yet.
“It’s Jane Austen’s superpower, Andy… we can do nothing against it,” you concluded before nuzzling into his chest again.
“I’ll have to agree,” he nodded.
You noticed how his breathing was a little irregular for a moment, when you shifted to be a little more comfortable in his arms, but he didn’t push you away, didn’t move at all, in fact. Instead, he waited for you to settle again, readjusted the blanket on both of you, and stared at the end of the movie. His cheeks were turning a bright shade of red. You hated the thought that crossed your mind…
There were but a couple of minutes left, it was the end: Mr. Darcy had walked across the moor already, he had declared his love and Elizabeth had accepted his hand in marriage. They were waiting for Elizabeth’s father. You were staring at Andrew, the feeling of your gaze on him made him look down as well, catching your eyes with his. His hazel eyes, they looked so green now, in the rather bright light of the late afternoon, and the tears he had dried just before had enhanced that colour too. Green… like leaves bathed in sunlight during the summer… you loved that shade…
You didn’t even notice when the screen went dark, when the credits started rolling. You were thinking of Andrew, of how sweet he had been all afternoon, of how handsome he looked now, how much turtlenecks suited him, how cute he looked with his glasses…
He blinked a couple of times, as if he were coming back from a reverie, and looked at the TV again. You looked at his profile, found yourself longing to run your fingers through his short beard, noticed the red tainting the brown of his hair.
“Well, that was an amazing film,” he easily admitted, bringing you back to earth.
And indeed, the story was over. Mr. Bennett had accepted their union. Elizabeth would marry Mr. Darcy. All ended well. Black screen and a list of names, printed in white pixels…
You pushed yourself out of Andrew’s arms.
Back to reality now… and in the real world, you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank. You wanted Frank…
You looked away in a hurry, and trembled at the loss of contact, when Andrew finally moved his hand away from your waist.
You kept on talking about the film for a while, but eventually, Andrew checked the time.
“I should get going, let you get something to eat. And I mean… something proper. Not snacks,” he teased, standing up and taking the remnants of your various snacks with him to the kitchen.
And you had to tell yourself that mantra again. Because your heart was aching at the thought of Andrew leaving. Which was ridiculous because you would see him in two days. Which was ridiculous because he was only a friend. A colleague, even. And it was ridiculous because you didn’t want him, you wanted Frank. You loved Frank. You wanted the life you had with him back. You… you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank… You… You wanted…
“Andy?”
He reappeared, coming from the kitchen, and tilted his head a little as a silent invitation for you to speak again.
“Do… do you want to stay for dinner?”
He stared at you for a few seconds, long enough for you to start spiralling and babbling…
“Unless you need to take care of Elwood…”
“No, my parents took him to the seaside today, they’re keeping him for the night. He’s living his best life, trust me. I bet my dad is giving him all the treats he wants.”
“Or like… I mean… you’ve already spent your afternoon with me, even if I’m sick and not the best company today, and… yeah, I totally get it if you don’t want to stay, like… that’s…”
“Y/N.”
“Hmmm?”
“I’d love to stay.”
“Really?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
Because I’m too much to take care of…
You merely shrugged in response, making him chuckle, clearly unaware of your thoughts.
“Well, if you’re not bored of me yet, I’d love to stay for dinner.”
You grinned.
“Grand…” you nodded, and Andrew disappeared in the kitchen again to prepare dinner.
Still, you noticed how he was smiling when he turned around, how he was blushing, too…
You ended up watching tv again after dinner. The pain wasn’t as vivid as it had been during the rest of the day, and so you were more comfortable during that part of the evening. So much so that you started dozing off, as you were watching for the nth time how Luke and Han were trying to save Leia.
You had stumbled upon a rerun of the old Star Wars movies, and settled on the nostalgic feeling of these stories to end the day. Andrew was supposed to go home after the end of the movie, once the Death Star was gone and Leia was placing medals on the heroes’ chest.
Andrew had made you laugh with his best impression of Chewbacca, and you had made him choke on his glass of water with one of your jokes and snarky remarks. It was lovely, but you were so tired you neared exhaustion by now. So, it was quite logical that you started dozing off after a while, losing tracks of the story when Han and Luke were dressed as stormtroopers.
You hadn’t noticed that your head had fallen on Andrew’s shoulder as you were falling asleep. You didn’t notice how he stopped paying attention to the movie when you did. How his heart started pounding at how adorable you looked like this. He waited for a few minutes, to see if you would stir and wake up again, but you didn’t. He stared at you for a moment longer, but you weren’t aware of it. You weren’t aware either of the longing in his gaze, of the smile on his lips as he watched how peaceful you looked in your sleep.
You blinked your eyes open again only when you felt something slipping under your knees and behind your back, felt the warmth upon which your head rested move.
“Andy?” you called in your drowsy state, still unable to understand what was happening, where you were…
“I’m here, love.”
That pet name again… were you dreaming it?
You reached up, held onto a soft fabric, and somehow, despite the fact that you had closed your eyes once more, you knew it was Andrew’s turtleneck.
“You’re falling asleep, you need to go to bed,” he said softly, his voice unbearably low and deep, it made your heart skip a few beats and warmth spread across your entire frame.
And it sounded so reassuring… so safe… He was so reassuring…
You nuzzled into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. His cologne, his softener, him…
“Can I help you reach your bed? Can I do that? Is that okay?” he asked in the same caring voice, and you nodded. But then again, you would have accepted anything, for as long as you could remain in his warmth, as long as his voice came back…
You realised then that he was slipping his arms under you, it took a moment longer for your brain to register he meant to carry you.
���I can walk,” you whispered, opening your eyes again and forcing yourself to look at him.
You were too stunned when he bent down to kiss your hair to argue when he told you there was no need, that he got you, that you could close your eyes again. You obeyed, having no strength left to argue, and you wrapped your arms around his neck when he stood up and lifted you off the couch.
He readjusted your position, and then you were vaguely aware of moving, while he walked through your apartment. You nuzzled closer, your forehead brushing his jaw and your entire body trembled as you felt his beard against your skin.
Too soon, he was gently putting you down on your comfortable mattress, tucking you in, under your warm blanket.
You blinked your eyes open before he could leave, found his hazel eyes looking down at you. He seemed so tall like this, standing above your bed.
“Thank you, Andy. For everything.”
He smiled, gesture gentle and full of fondness.
“Sleep well, Y/N. Goodnight.”
He tucked a strand of your hair away from your face, and the brush of his fingers across your cheek made you close your eyes for good.
Your last thoughts were of him, while you heard him move away from the bed, recognized the creaking of the tiles by the door of your bedroom.
God, you wanted him so much…
#hozier#andrew hozier byrne#the hoziest#hozier x reader#hozier x you#hozier x y/n#hozier x fem!reader#hozier fanfiction#hozier fic#hozier series#hozier au#hozier professor au#professor au#series#fanfiction#fanfic#writing
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Four sighed, taking a sip of his beer as he looked at the embers glowing and crackling in Time’s fire pit. “I hate seeing people in pain and not being able to do anything about it.”
Sky glanced at his friend, wondering where that statement came from. Nobody said anything for a moment, and then Legend piped up.
“Yet you chose to work in a surgical-trauma ICU where everyone is in pain all the time,” he quipped with a little playful smirk to take the edge of the sarcasm.
Warriors snickered, leaning back in his chair, beer bottle held lazily between his fingers. Sky almost laughed at the sight of it, recalling that he and Hyrule had been refilling the bottle with water after their friend’s first drink. The army nurse hadn’t commented on the matter.
“Oh shut up,” Four laughed as well. “I know I set myself up for this. But I… I wanted to help. And I wanted to do nursing that made me feel like I was thinking through puzzles and able to focus on as few patients as possible so I could really get into taking care of things. And I like the thrill of it. But…”
He trailed off a moment, looking around at the group relaxing by the fire pit. Twilight paused briefly in the act of throwing another log on the fire, glancing at Four, before finishing the action, sending sparks showering into the air briefly. Time and Malon watched Four quietly, bundled together under a plaid blanket, Malon’s head on Time’s shoulder. Warriors perked up from his slumped position, head tilting towards the ICU nurse while Legend’s playful smile faded. Wild and Wind paused from eating their s’mores to give Four their attention while Hyrule sat up from where he’d been laying in a burrito of blankets on the grass.
Sky watched Four try to ask what he wanted, and as much as he wanted to prompt his friend he knew to wait.
“Does it ever get better?” Four finally asked. “The compassion fatigue. I’ve only been in nursing a short while and I can already feel it. Am… am I done?”
Sky bit his tongue, remembering when he’d asked Legend a similar question. But Sky had been through a war and had been flying sick, injured, and dying patients for years now. Four was still a fairly new nurse, wasn’t he?
He supposed it didn’t matter. Everyone’s exposure and experience was different. Four very clearly was uneasy about this.
Warriors spoke up first, sitting up. “It comes and goes, buddy.”
“Sometimes you just have to stop and remember they’re people,” Legend added. “We… you know, when everyone’s worst day is your workday you have to shut it off. It’s not…”
“We have to protect ourselves,” Sky picked up for his dear friend. “We suffer when they suffer. But if you let it get to you then you can’t focus on helping them. You’re not a bad person for doing that. For…”
Well. Were they bad people for feeling nothing when their patients were in pain?
Honestly, Sky knew there wasn’t a single person in this group who felt absolutely nothing. They just redirected what they felt into something else. Dark jokes to make a bad situation funny, frustration to turn strong emotions into rambling with coworkers… they all felt it somehow.
But it did make it hard to remember who they were taking care of sometimes.
Sky was grateful he just flew his helicopter. He wasn’t sure he could tolerate much more exposure than that, honestly.
“I don’t know if it ever gets better,” Warriors finally said. “It’s kind of just something you learn to live with.”
“I’ve seen nurses who have all the compassion in the world,” Twilight noted. “But I also have no idea how they do it, honestly.”
“Oh, you mean like you, Mr Biggest Bleeding Heart in the Room?” Legend remarked. “I bet you’re everyone’s favorite CNA over there. I don’t know how the hell you deal with sick kids day in and out.”
“It’s a lot easier when you’re the tech walking in and out of the room instead of the nurse responsible for that kid’s life,” Twilight argued mildly. “I mean, I do get attached and I want to take care of all of them, but I’m also so spread out it makes encounters shorter. So like… I don’t know, not as much burnout I guess. Except for the chronic kids.”
“Well, techs make a hell of a difference,” Four noted. “I’d be so screwed without you guys.”
“Back to the point,” Twilight frowned, waving a dismissive hand. “I’m sure even the kindest nurses have moments when they just can’t let themselves get hurt anymore. You’re not a jerk for being worn out from constantly watching people suffer.”
“What’s important, love, is getting out and having moments like this,” Malon piped up. “You boys all tend to self isolate when you’re not working, and all that does is make work your entire life. Take time for yourself but go out in the world too. We’re all here for each other. That’s why we had this tonight.”
Four sighed a little, glancing down at the fire. Sky elbowed him teasingly, smiling. “Hey. You can’t be any worse than Legend.”
The travel nurse perked up, face flushing and eyes wide with irritation as Warriors wheezed. “HEY!”
Everyone started to laugh while Legend rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air. But Sky knew it was just theatrics; after all, he and Legend had talked about this very thing a few weeks ago.
Healthcare broke people. They all knew that. But a little crack here and there could be supported, one person holding the other up. Sky wasn’t sure how long any of them could last in any one area, but he knew they’d try to make it work.
#writing#lu in healthcare#lu sky#lu warriors#lu four#lu legend#lu malon#lu twilight#The others are there but these are the ones talking#Me: I don’t have time to write fluff prompts :(#Also me: *spontaneously comes up with healthcare au scenes while dragging myself to work*#Ok I’m dipping out again bye bye#Will queue more fluff until I can get my life in order
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Used as Bait
Jason and Tim, who have been goofing off since getting out of the Batcave, finally arrived at the GCPD building thirty minutes after they were supposed to be there.
“Got anything for us, Gordon?” Jason asks.
Gordon looks up from his file, then looks back down.
“What is he doing?” Jason asks.
“Ignoring us for the mandatory five minutes because we wasted his time,” Tim answers. “He put it in place when B got into the habit of making a meeting and then being late for it.”
“And B hates having his time wasted.”
“Yup. And to be fair, we’re like thirty minutes late. Gordon does usually have some grace if we’re not too late.”
Jason takes his helmet off and starts messing with his hair.
“Is something wrong?” Tim asks.
“Nope,” Jason answers. “We’re just gonna be seeing Maria before patrol’s over.”
“You have got to be kidding me.”
“No, of course not. You’re the only one that will let me.”
“You have to do something for me.”
“Fine.”
Gordon offers the file to Tim, so he takes it.
“Maria your girlfriend?” Gordon asks.
“Nah, she’s just a friend of mine. But she lives and works in a bad part of town, so I like to try to walk her home,” Jason answers. “She can handle herself, but I literally take out bad guys at least twice a week.”
“That didn’t work with Barbara,” Gordon says.
“Yeah, your fiercely independent daughter didn’t want your protection. Maria isn’t a fan of me feeling obligated to walk her home, but she likes that I like to walk her home. We get to talk.”
“Huh.”
“We’ve got a possible meeting of gangs?” Tim asks.
“That’s the thought. We have two officers over there you can meet,” Gordon says. “I want this dealt with tonight if you two can.”
“Will do, boss. I’ve got something to do at midnight,” Jason replies, “and Red’s got a date with Spoiler.”
“I already said that I’m not dating Spoiler,” Tim says. “You’re just telling people to get a rise out of me.”
“Maybe. We’ll come back when we’ve got something for you.”
“Just call,” Gordon replies. “I’m gonna be in a meeting and then two briefings for the rest of the night. If you really need anything from me, just call.”
“We will,” Tim says, then the two of them head towards the location in the file.
They get to the location and there’s an undercover cop car there, just like Gordon said there would be. Tim’s phone rings, so he looks at it.
“I need to take this. Can you get the info from the officers?” Tim asks.
“Yeah, of course,” Jason answers, “but it’ll cost you five dollars.”
“Shut up and go over there.”
“Whatever.”
Jason walks over and knocks on the window. He looks inside and nobody’s in the car.
“Weird,” Jason mutters. “Where did they go?”
“Red Hood?”
Jason turns and there’s an officer standing with two cups of coffee.
“Gordon sent me and Red Robin to help you guys with the incident,” Jason says. “Where’s the other officer?”
“He’s not in there?”
Jason shakes his head.
The officer quickly strides over and looks in the window. “Oh shit, where could he have gone?”
Jason shrugs, then turns in the direction to check on Tim. Tim’s not standing where he was a minute ago. Jason goes to look around when he feels a needle in the back of his neck.
“Nighty night.”
Jason swings his elbow and manages to hit the guy in the face with it before he passes out.
Tim wakes up to complete blackness.
“You’ve failed me,” Batman’s voice says.
“What?” Tim asks.
The scene around him turns from black to a full color image of the city in flames.
“What happened?” Tim asks.
“You failed, and we all paid for it.”
He sees his entire family, bleeding out while the villains are close by celebrating.
“No, no,” Tim says, shaking his head. “This can’t be real. I… we hold each other up. I can’t be the reason they’re dead.”
“The most pressure on you to succeed,” Cass says.
“The most pressure to get everything right,” Dick adds.
“It’s your fault we failed. Your plan went south and we paid the price for it,” Damian says.
Tim tries to calm himself down so he doesn’t hyperventilate, but the scene changes to the manor and Tim sees Jason sitting on the couch, reading a book. His blood is still pumping from the stress and anxiety, but he feels a small amount of comfort in the sight of his brother. Tim runs over.
“Jason!”
Jason doesn’t look up or acknowledge him.
“Jason?”
“I don’t want to be around you,” Jason says.
“Why?”
“Because who would want to? You’re annoying, uninteresting, and unable to hold a conversation.” Tim opens his mouth to argue, but Jason continues. “The only reason that Bruce took pity on you was because he was a basket case. If I hadn’t died, you wouldn’t be around. Not even Dick likes being around you, and he likes being around everyone.”
Tim can’t help the rage that floods him at that moment, especially hearing it from Jason. He was the only one around to help when everything was going up in flames, and any of them feel like they have the right to complain?
“You’re utterly useless, Drake,” Damian says, appearing out of thin air before Tim can get any farther in his thought process.
The world goes back to black as Tim tries to figure out what’s going on.
“Time for you to sleep now.”
Tim recognizes the voice and he searches for Mad Hatter. He feels himself starting to lose consciousness, but starts thrashing around when he feels something with a similar feeling to a mask being pulled over his face. He passes out without succeeding in getting the mask off.
Jason wakes up to complete darkness. He hears a familiar laugh that sends a chill up his spine. Jason struggles against the restraints, starting to hyperventilate. Joker comes into view with a bloody crowbar.
“Ready for round two, little bird?”
Jason breaks the restraints and throws a punch at Joker. It goes right through him and he starts laughing again.
“Batman’s favorite toy, how does it feel? You almost caused the downfall of Batman with your death. It must feel fantastic to know that you almost succeeded in your goal solely by getting your head bashed in and then inhaling a little smoke,” Joker says.
Jason throws another punch at him and it goes through him again. Jason gets his feet untied in enough time for the scene to disappear. Something knocks Jason off balance and he lands on his back. He blinks and when he opens his eyes, he’s lying down in a wooden box. Jason starts trying to bust the box but no matter how much force he uses, it doesn’t break.
He can feel the oxygen getting thinner. He’s panicking too much and while he knows it, he can’t seem to get his breathing to slow down. He can’t seem to stop panicking. No matter how hard he tries, he’s stuck in this coffin of dread. He squeezes his eyes closed.
“Dad!” he cries out, hoping that Bruce is right outside to save him.
“No father to save you. There never was,” Joker’s voice says. “You really think that Batsy ever loved a little screw-up like you? No, he only pretended to. His savior complex made him take pity on you.”
Jason shakes his head, refusing to believe it again.
“My dad loves me!”
Joker laughs, taunting and mocking Jason.
“Time for you to sleep now.”
Jason doesn’t recognize the voice and he searches for the person attached to it. He passes out as it feels something go over his face, like a mask.
Dick’s watching TV, waiting for Damian to call him to discuss the details of Damian spending the weekend with him. Currently he’s watching a rerun of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but he’s only half-watching it. The screen goes black, drawing Dick’s full attention back to it. The screen glitches, then shows a close-up of Scarecrow’s face. Dick sits up. The camera backs away from Scarecrow’s face enough that you can see more of him.
“Hello, Gotham,” Scarecrow says. “This isn’t for many of you, so feel free to ignore. Batman, on the other hand, we have your little birds.”
The camera moves to show Jason and Tim in full uniform, clearly in distress. They’re fighting hard against the restraints, but in a wild and restless way that Tim would never normally attempt to get out in. Dick gets and starts searching his coffee table for his phone. Right on cue, it rings.
He answers. “Hey, Dami. Are you watching right now?”
“I’m watching,” Damian answers. “Barbara’s trying to figure out where the signal’s coming from and Father’s getting suited up. I’m already suited up before you ask.”
“I’ll be there as fast as I can.”
“Thank you. Father’s panicking.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
Dick grabs his keys and rushes out of his apartment. He heads to his safehouse to change into costume then gets on his bike and makes a beeline for Wayne Manor. Once he hits city limits, his comm crackles.
“Grayson will be here when he gets here,” Damian says. “Nothing we’re going to say is gonna make him get here faster.”
“Hey, I’m at city limits,” Dick says.
“Hey, Nightwing,” Barbara replies. “I’m sending the location to your bike now.”
“Thanks, Oracle. How’s Batman?”
“I’m fine,” Bruce says gruffly. “I’m heading to the warehouse now. How long will it take for you to get there?”
Dick checks the location. “Five minutes. It’s closer to the city limit than I thought it would be.”
“We’ll meet you there. I’m here with Orphan and Robin. Spoiler’s out of town.”
“Alright.”
He gets there at the same time they do and runs over.
“Hey, what did the scan of the building indicate?” Dick asks.
“Four heat signatures and their trackers are still transmitting from inside,” Bruce answers. “Alright, remember that our top priority is getting them out. If one of them gets away, we can deal with it at a later point.”
Cass and Damian both nod. Dick notices Mad Hatter and Scarecrow leaving the building. Cass notices them too and looks towards Bruce for instructions. Tim and Jason jump down onto the roof and ready their weapons. Bruce nods at Cass, and she goes after Scarecrow and Mad Hatter while Jason and Tim attack the rest of the Bats. Tim viciously attacks Damian with his bo staff and Damian barely dodges.
“What the hell?” Damian asks.
“The masks belong to Mad Hatter,” Dick says, trying to grab Tim so he can get the mask off. “He’s probably controlling both Hood and Red.”
Tim grabs Dick’s wrist and flips him onto his back. Tim jams a batarang into Dick’s arm, pinning him to the roof in the process. Dick hisses and tries to figure out how to take it out without hurting himself worse. After watching Jason beating Bruce and Tim beating Damian for several minutes while trying to think, he finally just pulls it out as fast as he can and runs at Tim. Bruce can hold his own a little longer. Tim drives a hard kick to Dick’s shoulder, which was slightly injured in a battle earlier that week.
“Shit,” Dick mutters, grabbing his shoulder. “That hurt, bud.”
Tim swings his staff at him again and Dick grabs the other end. He uses the momentum to throw Tim on his back. Damian grabs the mask and rips it off.
Damian checks his pulse. “He’s alive. You should probably go help Father with Hood before he makes him cry.”
Dick looks up and the two are sparring.
“I knew that Hood could reasonably fight Batman but seeing it is something else,” Dick mutters, “but I’m gonna go help Batman.”
Damian nods and starts checking for injuries on Tim. Dick flips over to Jason and kicks him hard in the side of the head. Bruce rips the mask off and stomps on it repeatedly. Dick checks Jason’s pulse while Bruce finishes destroying the mask.
“His pulse is there. Little weak, but steady.”
“Good,” Bruce says. “Let’s get them home.”
Bruce watches his kids as they rest and recuperate. Cass is patching up Damian’s injuries while Dick is patching himself up. Bruce notices that Tim starts shaking. Before he has a chance to get up and get him another blanket, Tim wakes up and sits up, looking concerned.
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re home,” Bruce says.
Tim’s facial expression is flat and hard to read. Bruce notices that he seems concerned, but can’t tell about what exactly. He sees everybody and seems to ease a little, but still gets up.
“You should be resting,” Cass says.
“I’m gonna go rest in my room. I don’t… I don’t want to be here right now.”
“Hey, Tim,” Bruce says.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Dad,” Tim says, rushing through the words, then hurriedly heads up back to the manor.
Jason wakes up not long after. He looks around but his fear and anger are completely visible to Bruce. He gets up to walk over and Jason seems to calm down a little, the anger seeming to disappear.
“Are you alright?” Bruce asks.
Jason opens his mouth, then closes it again. He thinks for a moment, then shrugs.
“I don’t want to talk about it… right now. I’ll talk to you when I feel up to it,” Jason says. “Does that work, Dad?”
Bruce puts a hand on Jason’s shoulder and nods. “Of course it does.”
Jason nods. “I’m gonna head upstairs and try to sleep off this migraine that’s hitting me.”
“Make sure to take something.”
“I will.”
Jason heads upstairs as Damian walks over to Bruce.
“How are you feeling, Damian?” Bruce asks.
“I’m fine,” Damian answers. “Cassandra stitched up my injury. I’m going to speak to Timothy if you don’t need anything else.”
“Go ahead.” Damian heads upstairs.
At least someone can get Tim to talk. If Damian can’t, I think I’ll talk Dick into trying.
Dick walks up. “Hey, you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Bruce says. “You?”
Dick sighs. “I don’t know. I don’t like fighting my siblings in such a setting. It hits the edge of that line I swore I’d never cross again. I’m physically fine, but they could have not been. Mad Hatter had them pushing us full strength. The strain that would have put on their brains…”
“I know. Don’t worry about that right now. Full brain scans show no signs of damage and we’re gonna keep up with scans until we’re completely in the clear. I won’t let anything happen to them without doing everything that I can to stop it,” Bruce promises.
Dick nods, then hugs Bruce. Bruce hugs him back and they stay like that until Dick’s phone starts ringing. Dick looks at it, then smiles.
“Hey, babe. What can I do for ya?” A pause. “I’m gonna take this outside, then probably head home.”
“Goodnight, Dick,” Bruce says.
“ ‘Night, Dad,” Dick replies, waving as he walks upstairs with his jacket.
Bruce heads upstairs after a little while and goes to his room. He leaves his door open a crack, a sign that the kids can come in if they need something, then gets in bed to get some much needed sleep.
#whumptober2024#whumptober#alt prompt#no.13#used as bait#batman#batfamily#batfam#jason todd#tim drake#jim gordon#dick grayson#damian wayne#bruce wayne#barbara gordon#cassandra cain#scarecrow dc#dc mad hatter#angst#feels#emotional angst#emotional hurt/comfort#whump#blood and injury#fear toxin#mind control#tw torture#whump writing#writing challenge
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put her canine teeth in the side of my neck
summary: you’re lest’s favorite client, but her services aren’t free
a/n: yk that saying of the devil works hard but fan fiction writers work harder? yeah.
tags: fluff, making out, dry humping, drug use, lest is transfem, female reader
ao3 version
you tentatively knocked at the door with your hood up over your head, glancing back to make sure no one had followed you. lest opened the door with a hum and stepped to the side, an open invitation that you happily took. shucking off your cloak and setting it on one of the hooks by the front door, you made yourself at home on her couch.
lest was in a comfortable purple skirt with slits up the side and a simple strappy white tank top. she strode into the living room where you were lounging, her hips swaying side to side in a very purposeful way. glancing over to her as she leaned down with an intentional arch in her back, she could feel your eyes burning into her ass. your mouth salivated a little which you embarrassingly gulped down, turning your gaze away quickly as she straightened up. with the shimmer paintbrush in her hand, she kneeled down next to the couch and started painting a twirling pattern on your wrist.
lest continued to paint patterns and gently dragged the paintbrush up your arm, ending with a swirl around your bicep that matched the other patterned brush strokes adorning your skin. a familiar buzz worked its way into your bloodstream as the shimmer traveled through your veins, giving you eyes a purple glow at the peak of your digestion. your body sagged with relaxation and a euphoric sigh left your lips.
currently, you were in lest’s shoebox apartment draped over her velvet flea market couch with faded tassels lining the edges. some were missing while others had very few strings left, but she had the couch re-stuffed and replaced the springs so it felt like new. she usually insisted on traveling to her client's houses instead of letting them into her home, but you were a lifelong friend, so she didn’t mind. maybe a friend was the wrong way of putting it, friends don’t usually kiss.
seeing as you were properly satiated, lest turned to her own vice of smoking through a pipe. while she mainly worked with clients who preferred being painted, she always smoked. if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it you supposed to yourself.
she carefully set the brush into its proper case and stuffed it into her doctors' bag. picking up her pipe from the coffee table, she took a long drag and blew the air straight up. you watched as the purple clouds danced in the air and slowly dissipated as if it were never there in the first place.
was she always this pretty or did the shimmer haze just make her seem more ethereal?
she climbed on all fours onto the couch and straddled your lap. your hands connected to her hips and squeezed the soft flesh. rubbing her sides to slightly pull up her shirt, you softly dug your fingers into her fur and felt her shiver above you. she took a long drag from her glass pipe and blew the purple smoke into your face, which you happily inhaled.
she set the pipe down on the table and started rocking her hips against yours, a soft moan sighed from her lips. leaning forward, she panted her hands on either side of your head. you met her rocking by thrusting your hips up against her, arching your back against the couch and zeroing in on her lips. she chuckled at your eagerness, you were always so needy when you were high.
she pressed her lips against yours, her canines quickly nipping your bottom lip for access into your mouth. the taste of the shimmer smoke flooding your mouth as your tongue danced with hers, her sandpaper-like tongue ticking your wet muscle. you giggled into the kiss and she smiled against your lips.
you felt her bulge pressing against you and you’re sure that she could feel the wetness soaking your underwear that was surely moistening your pants. a loud purring started in her chest as she continued to lazily grind again you, kissing down your neck. she licked up the side of your neck, smirking as you squirmed beneath her and held back your giggles. your hands trailed down her waist and gripped the flesh of her ass, needily bucking up against her with a whine. she scraped her sharp teeth against your neck, sinking them in shallowly at the junction between your neck and your shoulder. you gasped as she sunk her teeth into your skin, pleasure quickly overcoming the initial pain that you felt.
she pulled back and gently licked at the bite mark, burying her face in your neck with a deep sigh. you hummed and closed your eyes, rubbing her back as the tones of her purring slowly lulled you to sleep. while the shimmer was nice in your system, holding lest in your arm was better than any drug.
a/n: part 2 with actual smut? 👀
#lest arcane#arcane lest#arcane season 2#lest x reader#lest x female reader#lest x fem reader#reader x lest#arcane#strawberrykidneystone writes#strawberrykidneystone#lest
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I am about to get a lil sappy here, but…I remember when I was in middle school, I was in private Catholic schooling, and I was dealing with the fact that I knew I was gay. I knew this was “wrong” because that’s what I was taught, so I suppressed it and tried so hard not to be. I told myself I’d do what my uncle did, which was push it down, marry a woman, and have kids like I was “supposed” to.
I remember specifically one day, I was home alone, and I knew I couldn’t keep it in for much longer. Jurassic Park was on my TV (weird detail to remember but I do) and I was sobbing on the couch pleading to God to just make it go away, and to make me straight. I didn’t even care if it made me an asshole and changed my personality I just wanted to be straight. I remember thinking it’d be easier to straight up just die than to live the rest of my life this way. Keep in mind this was around 2007-2008, gay marriage wasn’t even close to a reality, I had no positive gay rep that I knew of on TV or in movies, and again, private Catholic school so I was surrounded by homophobia. I didn’t come out for about 3 more years from this point.
I give this depressing backstory so that I can say-
I just woke up next to my husband, he is in the kitchen making us coffee, we have been together for 10 years, happily married for 1.5, and our only plans today are to play video games and then go do a performance of SCREAM’D together. I truly don’t think I’ve ever felt more fulfilled in who I am or what I’m doing in life. I have a great group of friends around me, I feel love & support from people from all across the world. I have truly made a genuine effort to create and portray queer characters almost exclusively and hopefully in doing so given people some representation that maybe they’re searching for. I’m 29 now, and if I could go back and tell 15 year old Ray that everything was gonna work out in its own way and in its own time, I would.
I know it’s cliche, but it does get better. It just takes time. And sometimes, you’ve got to make it better yourself. If you’re struggling, if you’re in a religious school, if you’re in a conservative area, I just want you to know that I know it’s tough rn to keep the faith; but it’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. It might just take a little bit of time. Find likeminded people, whether it’s irl or on the internet, there’s a community of people for everyone. There is a world of love & acceptance out there for you, you’ll find it 💙
#oh also my Uncle came out and has a man now and they’re very happy#he actually officiated my wedding#text#just wanted to say this#lgbt#gay#poly#suicide TW#religious trauma tw
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A3! Backstage Story Translation - Tasuku Takato SR: The Two Runaways - Part 1
Izumi: Tasuku-san, Azuma-san, thank you for your hard work!
Azuma: You too, Director.
Tasuku: I’m glad we finished safely. Thanks to you too, Director.
Sakyo: Although you were just acting, you were pretty impactful, Takato.
Tasuku: Really?
Sakyo: Yeah. The reason you can act as a student despite your age… is probably because you’re such a convincing actor.
Tasuku: Well… I did have my concerns about playing a student role at my age.
Itaru: Just like in manga, delinquents have their own character types. Isn’t that what you fit perfectly?
Itaru: Well, you’re playing a high schooler who’s good at fighting, for example.
Izumi: You had to research how to make it look like it’s a high schooler that’s fighting, didn’t you?
Tasuku: Right. If I overdid it, it wouldn’t resonate with students, so I had to find a balance.
Tasuku: Regardless, it wasn’t realistic enough to be comparable to people who actually fight.
Tasuku: I probably could’ve done more if I had looked into it deeper.
Izumi: I hear that brothers get into physical fights with each other often. How was it for you, Tasuku-san?
Tsumugi: Fuyuki-kun and Tasuku… You guys didn’t hit each other, right?
Tasuku: I don’t think my brother and I fought physically a lot…
Sakyo: … Hear that, Fushimi?
Omi: Yes…
Tsumugi: Did you get into fights, Omi-kun?
Omi: Well, I suppose you could call them fights… But we were just playing around and doing pro-wrestling moves.
Omi: But that’s from when we were kids. We don’t fight at all now.
Tasuku: … ‘Cause you’re not at home?
Itaru: Thinking about it, you’re serious and have no delinquent attributes whatsoever. I bet you’ve never run away from home, either.
Tasuku: No, I have.
Tsumugi: You have?
Tasuku: C’mon, that time our families got together…
[Flashback starts]
Fuyuki: Heeey Tasuku, it’s about time we started going home, so clean up~
Tasuku: Don’t wanna. We’re just getting to the good part.
Fuyuki: Hey now, don’t be selfish.
Tasuku: Tsumu wants to play more too.
Tsumugi: Y-Yeah. Please, Fuyuki-kun! Just a little longer!
Fuyuki: Not you too, Tsumu… Sorry, but no can do. Alright, it’s clean up time~
Tasuku: … Tsumu, let’s get out of here.
Tsumugi: Huh? Together?
Tasuku: Yeah. If we run away, we can stay together.
Tsumugi: … Okay.
[Flashback ends]
Tsumugi: Ahaha, that did happen.
Azuma: That’s a pretty cute runaway story.
Izumi: Little kids sure do think like that~
Itaru: You’re childhood friends, though. Didn’t you two live, like, right next to each other? You’d have seen each other again soon anyway.
Tasuku: No… My family were planning to take a week-long trip after that. Though now that I think about it, that’s not a big deal.
Omi: A week is a long time when you’re a child. I’m sure you thought you’d be lonely.
Sakyo: So? How far from home did you brats run off to?
Tsumugi: I wouldn’t say we got too far.
part 1 | part 2
#a3!#translation#a3! translation#tasuku takato#itaru chigasaki#omi fushimi#sakyo furuichi#tsumugi tsukioka#azuma yukishiro#izumi tachibana#tasutsumu#'is it this serious' yes. i promise.
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Title: There's Something Wrong with Shinichiro Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Rating: Explicit Pairing: None. Side pairing Shinichiro x Unnamed Sano!OC Word count: 2306 Warnings: Dark!fic. Incest. Underaged teen pregnancy. Obsession. Forced Relationship. Emotional Manipulation. Swearing. Violence. Suicide. Canon divergence. Unbeta’d. *warnings are not exhaustive* Summary: There's something wrong with Shinichiro. Haruchiyo tries to get to the bottom of it. What he finds destroys everything he believes of the man. Shin is supposed to be the good one. Not this.
MAJOR MANGA SPOILER WARNING!
This fic mentions events in the manga that have not yet been shown in the anime. You have been warned.
Notes: I enjoyed writing this and the exploration in Sanzu's POV. It's a look at how desperation and fear can change a person and how distance can give the perspective needed to see the truth. I hope you like it.
There’s something wrong with Shinichiro.
It started after Mikey’s death. Maybe even before it but Haruchiyo wasn’t around for a lot of that. Juvie does a number is keeping one out of the loop. He doesn’t regret it though. Not after what he heard those assholes say. But Shinichiro…maybe it’s because he was gone that he can see the difference. It’s not a gradual thing.
Mikey died. A broken fucking fragile thing his friend never had any right to be. Emma left long before Haru got out. And people…he thinks people are forgetting there was another one. Another sister who was friends with his. He heard Takeomi say she ran away but Haruchiyo knows her as well as he knew Mikey. She wouldn’t do that. She was a fucking bleeding heart who tried hard to step up to take care of her family long before she had any right to. Shinichiro was supposed to be the eldest. He looked out for them. But then Mikey died and Shinichiro was going fucking insane which was saying something with how he knew people thought about him.
Haruchiyo tried to ask Baji. He tried to even ask his fucking brother who waved him off like it was nothing. When Takeomi ordered him to leave Shin alone and not go visit, he knew something was up. He knows something’s wrong and fuck Takeomi if he thinks he’ll listen to him. Haruchiyo isn’t a child anymore. He’s not afraid of his brother. Shinichiro was more of a brother to him than Takeomi ever was. If he can help him, he will.
So he goes to visit him.
But Shinichiro keeps him standing on the porch instead of inviting him in. It’s weird. Shinichiro was always welcoming to him. To any of Mikey’s friends. To anyone. It was part of why he was so popular, why he was a good leader. So the way he’s standing on the porch smoking, body angled in a way to keep Haruchiyo from even looking in the doorway sets his nerves on edge.
He doesn’t get let in. Shinichiro makes some excuse to go to work or the shop (he changed his story twice) and leads Haruchiyo away from the house before he ever realizes what he’s doing. It makes him suspicious and afraid. He attended Mikey’s funeral but he wonders if they never cremated Mikey’s body. If Shinichiro has some kind of shrine set up…but he wouldn’t do that. Shin wouldn’t let Mikey be unable to pass on. So there’s something else.
🪟
The next time he visits the house, he does when he knows Shinichiro is at work. He knocks on the door, but there’s no answer. He hears it though. Hears the soft sound of feet padding on the ground. Living in the type of home he did, surviving juvie without getting jumped, you pick up things. Including an acute sense of hearing to start.
He moves as quiet as possible around the outside, trying to find the right window. Mikey used to joke about sneaking out as teens when they were kids. Before…before the accident. It’s never locked. Not that anyone would attempt to rob a dojo.
He prys it open slowly, just enough that he can see first and freezes. She didn’t run like Emma. Instinct urges him to continue, to break in and demand what happened. He’ll fuck them up but there’s something warning him and he remembers sitting in Mikey’s funeral, watching Shinichiro grip his last sibling’s wrist tight, as if he was afraid she’d disappear too. It was chalked up to grief.
He swallows tightly, shaking his head as he tries to make sense of it. He’s wrong. He has to be wrong. But Takeomi ordered him to leave it alone, no one asks about her anymore and the former Black Dragons have made every excuse about Shinichiro’s losses. They helped spread the rumours that both girls are gone.
He closes the window as quietly as possible. And runs.
🪟
“What the fuck are we doing?” Baji complains as Haruchiyo drags him along.
“Will you shut the fuck up?” Honestly, it’s a miracle Baji even let him because the two of them haven’t been friends in ages. He thinks it’s the curiosity of Haru demanding his presence. That he has something to show him. Baji is the only one who Haruchiyo knows will react the way he should. The way he reacted. Haruchiyo needs him to prove that he’s not insane. That his suspicions are right.
“Is this some fucking obsession thing? Does Shin know we’re here?”
“No,” he admits. “I was trying to see what was wrong with him and–” he can’t even bring himself to say it. Can’t air the thought that one of his heroes…
“He’s fucking grieving,” Baji says like everyone does. Haruchiyo shakes his head though and his former friend falls quiet. Thankfully just in time as they reach the house and sneak around to the same window.
Haruchiyo prys it open the same way and looks, praying that she’s in the same spot today. He sighs as he sees her. Folding laundry now and looking too domesticated. It’s not right. He nods towards the window and moves out of the way for Baji to see. The other boy gives him an exasperated look but steps into the space and peers in.
“What the fuck!?”
In the desperation for the truth, to know he’s not seeing things, he’s forgotten that Baji has never been quiet once in his life.
Baji shoves the window open completely and pulls himself up into it. Haru follows quickly. He got him into this after all…and he needs to know the truth.
She looks stunned to see them and a little scared which is ridiculous because they were friends. They are friends. “Yo–you can’t be here!” She says, looking around like she’s expecting something to jump out at them.
“Who the fuck knocked you up?” Baji demands, storming towards her. “Does Shin know? Fuck, course he does. Who was it? Are they still fucking alive or did the dragons kill them?”
Haruchiyo can only stare at her, watching as she looks around, clutching the shirt she’s holding. Her stomach protrudes enough to make it obvious. She’s probably going to be due soon. She’s too fucking tiny to look like this.
“You need to go,” she tells them after taking a deep breath. “Shin-nii doesn’t like visitors. Not anymore.” Something about the endearment, the honorific attached to his name sits like lead in Haruchiyo’s stomach. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard her say a thousand times before, but it somehow feels worse now.
“We’re not going anywhere until we get some fucking answers,” Baji stands his ground. “Why is everyone saying you ran away? We haven’t seen you in years! Who the fuck knocked you up? You’re fifteen!”
“Is it Shin?” Haruchiyo asks, finally cutting in. Baji looks at him like he’s insane and ready to take all his anger out on him for the sheer disrespect.
But then she looks away. She doesn’t protest the idea, doesn’t accuse him of telling lies and her silence is all the confirmation he needs. Baji seems to realize it too because he whirls back on her, staring at her in horror.
Haruchiyo feels like his world is collapsing around him.
Shinichiro is supposed to be the good one. The type of brother anyone could rely on. He was the type of person who laughed and nodded when his siblings’ friends called him ‘nii-chan’ and treated all of them like they were his little siblings too. He wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not Shin.
“What the fuck?” Baji asks again, quieter this time, like he’s having as much trouble believing it as Haruchiyo is.
“How–” his throat is tight. It feels like something is lodged in it. This is worse than seeing Mikey decrepit and fragile. “How long?” he chokes out.
“It’s not what you think,” she says quickly. “He…he needs me…”
“You’re fifteen!” Baji snaps. “He’s your fucking brother!”
She flinches at that. “I...I know. I didn’t…he needs me. We’re the only ones left!” she looks up at them pleadingly, as if trying to get them to understand.
For the first time in a long time, Baji and Haruchiyo look at each other and agree with each other without a word. “Bullshit.” They say at the exact same time.
“He does!” she insists. “Everyone’s gone! You don’t get it! We only have each other…we…he needs me. He promised he’d never leave!”
“Not like this,” Baji says. “This isn’t fucking right. Brothers don’t do this shit.”
“How would you know?” She snaps at him. “You don’t have any family.”
Baji scowls at her. “You’re my fucking family! You, Mikey, Emma! All of you!” He motions towards her. “No wonder Emma fucking ran if this was what would have happened if she stayed!” She flinches as he says it.
Haruchiyo steps closer. “You know this isn’t right,” he says quietly. He thinks of his own younger sister and the hell he’d reach if someone did this to her. He makes a mental note to get her as far away from Takeomi as possible. His brother knows. Even if he’s not doing it himself, the way he warned Haru away makes it obvious that he knows what Shin’s done. “Have you even seen a doctor?”
She swallows tightly, tears building in her eyes as she nods.
“Come on,” Baji says. “We’re taking you to my place. My mom will know what to do.”
“I can’t,” her voice cracks.
Haruchiyo leans down, cupping her cheeks with his hands as he meets her eyes. “You can. Trust us.”
🪟
It takes ten more minutes until she agrees. They take her to Baji’s mom like he said, sneaking around and making sure that none of the Black Dragons see them. They get her out of the city, to Baji’s mom’s relatives, as fast as they can. Baji makes a show of complaining in public about his mom trying to reform him by way of the countryside. Haruchiyo stays far from him, making it look like they’ve continued to be on the outs, to not be friends anymore. Haruchiyo can trust that Baji will protect her.
He takes responsibility for redirecting the Black Dragons, current and former, as well as Shin. Shin who devolves quickly, reacting first with anger only to sink further into his darkness. The man known to be charming enough to bring together opposing gangs can barely bring himself to leave his house, praying for the return of his sister and their unborn child. His friends, the men who followed him, tear the city apart.
Izana, leader of the Black Dragons, has his men drag Haruchiyo off of the street, demanding answers.
“You know, Shinichiro asked me to make sure you made it through juvie alive,” he tells him. “You asked about him. Why?”
“He picked me up when I got released.” Haruchiyo says, spitting blood out from the last hit. He glares up at the silver-haired man. “He seemed off. I wanted to make sure he was okay.”
“Why?”
“Because I owe him a lot.”
Izana scoffs at him, looking at him like he’s unworthy. “Where the fuck is my sister?”
Haruchiyo looks at him. “She’s not your sister.” He gets a kick to the face for that.
“She’s Shin’s, that makes her mine.”
Haru wonders what it is about her that’s making these men like this. If it’s Shin’s provocation, if it’s contagious or if it’s just the way she’s always been kind and trying hard to keep her family together that draws people into her.
He keeps his mouth shut.
🪟
He hears through Takeomi, through Wakasa, that Shin’s obsession has grown. Not only is Tokyo being torn apart, but Shin has apparently gotten it into his head that the problem is Mikey’s death. That if he can find a way to go back, he can fix everything. He can have his brother back. He can get his sister back and their child. His child.
It reinforces Haruchiyo’s belief that he’s doing the right thing keeping her out of the city.
🪟
“Please, Haruchiyo.”
Shin looks worse for the wear. His shirt is stained, hair unwashed and Haruchiyo thinks he hasn’t bathed in a few days. It’s almost sad seeing a man who was leader of one of the most powerful motorcycle gangs reduced to this. His grief is eating at him but instead of doing something about it, he’s spiralling.
The only reason he’s talking to him is because Takeomi called, demanding to know what the fuck Haruchiyo did. He’s the prime suspect but even with the fading bruises and threats from Izana, Haruchiyo gave nothing away. Shin apparently clung to that and tracked him down, finding him to beg the boy for answers. Haruchiyo thinks it’s pathetic, even if he’ll never say that out loud. What happened to the man he idolized?
“Where is she? Where’s my child?”
“I don’t know,” Haruchiyo answers. It’s not technically a lie. He doesn’t know exactly where she is. It’s better that way.
Shinichiro sighs and looks up to the sky. “This is all my fault.” For a moment, Haruchiyo’s hope rises at the admission. If Shinichiro realizes he fucked up, that there’s something wrong with him, he can get better. He can– “I should have chained her to the bed or some shit.”
His heart sinks. “What?”
Shinichiro shakes his head. “I lost them all. She…she was all I had. If Mikey hadn’t…I thought I found the answer. I really did.”
Haruchiyo watches in horror as Shinichiro gets closer to the edge of the bridge they met on. “Hey, wait! Stop!”
“We were happy,” he sees tears in the older man’s eyes. “I love her. I always have. No after how fucked up it was. Take care of them for me, alright? Tell my kid..tell them I’m sorry.”
Haruchiyo stares at him in shock, seconds too late to lunge forward and stop him from falling over the edge. He didn’t want this. Never this. “SHINICHIRO!”
🪟
Haruchiyo never thought he was insane, despite what people said about him. He always knew exactly what he was doing. But the moment he went from being glared at by a majority of people at Shinichiro’s funeral to being at home with a different series of memories in his head, he thought he finally cracked.
But there are scars on his face that he never had before.
Haruchiyo races, trying to find the truth. He heads for the Sano home as fast as he can and nearly crashes into Shinichiro headfirst. If Haruchiyo is confused then Shinichiro is just as surprised to know that Haruchiyo remembers everything. No one else does.
He thinks that’s the end of it. Shinichiro is alive. Mikey is alive. Emma hasn’t run away and the last Sano isn’t pregnant with her own brother’s baby. There is a relief that settles in his chest at the fact that everything is fixed. Shinichiro fixed it.
But then he sees the way Shin looks at his sister when he thinks anyone isn’t paying attention and Haruchiyo is forced to face the reality that this Shinichiro still loves her in every fucked up way imaginable. When he stares too long at her stomach, Haruchiyo wonders if he’s imagining the baby that he put there. That he left behind.
He can see the obsession in the man’s eyes, the guilt and the way he holds her too long when she hugs him. Haruchiyo stays around the Sanos more now and he would bet all the money he doesn’t have that Shinichiro has to force himself not to send him away. That would gain questions because Haruchiyo has always been welcome. Everyone has.
Then, out of nowhere, Shinichiro is killed.
An accident that Haruchiyo doesn’t really believe because who doesn’t know that SS Motors is Shin’s? Wouldn’t Mikey have taken his friends there? Guilt eats at him for the relief he feels. Haruchiyo doesn’t have to protect her from her own brother now that he’s dead.
He promised to keep her safe. Even if he didn’t get the chance to respond, the nightmares he has of Shinichiro falling off that bridge, of Mikey’s expression as he ripped apart his mouth and told him to laugh. It keeps him awake sometimes. Mikey never used to be like that. He knows that. Something changed. It’s the same feeling that led him to discover Shin’s secret, so he stays by the Sanos, stays at Mikey’s side, and watches.
Just because Shin is dead doesn’t mean shit. Not when Haruchiyo remembers the way Izana threatened him at Shinichiro’s funeral the first time, promising him that he’d find her and raise Shin’s kid as his own. Nor with the way he sees Mikey starting to spiral after Shin’s death and the way her and Emma are stepping up to take care of him. The way he clings to them, to her, like they’re the only thing keeping him standing.
He doesn’t trust the Sano men. Not with her.
He stays. He changes his last name to Sanzu, to get as far as fuck away from his own brother he still sees as complicit even if he never was in this timeline. He keeps in touch with his own younger sister, keeping Senju away from their own brother and using her to keep track of the Sano girls as he remains at Mikey’s side. He couldn’t save her from Shinichiro, but he can try from Mikey. From Izana.
He made a promise.
tr tag: @mitsuwuyaa @blackfire2013 @bleach-your-panties @reiners-milkbiddies
I’m not tagging anyone else lol
#in which sanzu is the good guy#tokyo revengers fic#tokyo revengers spoilers#sanzu fic#tw incest#tw teen pregnancy#tw forced relationship#sanzu haruchiyo fic#tw suicide
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does anyone in the fort collins, colorado area want to start a birdwatching club or book club or coven or something idk i’m literally so lonely after moving here from chicago and not having a lot of people to hang out with yet 🥺
#was supposed to be living with a friend but that didn’t work out#i’m so introverted and anxious and this whole thing has been very hard#i know the first year in a new place is always difficult but it’s even worse for people like me who aren’t naturally extroverted 💀#sage talks
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do you ever feel yourself on the edge of a depressive crying session and you’re trying so hard not to give in
#oh my god. it has not been an academically productive week and i don’t know what’s wrong with me#i’m really tired of living far away from my undergrad friends…..#my friend from cali was supposed to visit but i’m not sure if he’ll be able to and i know he’s able to hang out with our other friends#bc they all live in toronto and i’m so far away…..#ughhhhhhhh . the fomo is actually going to break my heart#and i’m visiting home this weekend and i was excited to see my other friend who was in europe this summer#but she’s being weird about making plans and doesn’t seem that enthused. and my parents want to take a day trip on sunday#so they’re busy doing things they need to do on this day trip and ik they’re not gonna pay attention to me…#and i skipped movie night with local friends today bc i needed to do work and then i didn’t even do that work bc i’m lazy and sad 😔#not even near my period idk what’s going on with me#shadi stuff
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Friends with new baby and 1.5 Days left before moving if we’re including moving day itself: “We think it’s basically fine, but as an outsider, do you reckon we’re more or less done packing?”
Me looking around at their very not-packed house: “I’m sure we’ll be able to get it done in time if we all pull together.”
(internally: 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬)
#and is their new house ready??#hahaha no#the kitchen isn’t even in#they had to get an emergency carpenter#didn’t know that was a thing#to make new skirting boards#cus the old were falling apart#before the carpet gets laid#and this guy neil#who was supposed to be doing it#saw he was running out of time#his idea wasn’t going to work#and just took his tools and fucking booked it#won’t answer his phone#apparently friends’ new neighbour#has offered to go round and fight him#cus he thinks he knows#where the fucker lives#that’s welsh hospitality#neil is genuinely and not ironically racist against the welsh#(they’re not welsh just moving there so didn’t come up)#which was a surprise#also racist against the polish#which is bad when you’re working with eight other builders#who aren’t racist#and have been saying they reckoned#neil would do a bunk and also probably nicked the#massive tin of paint that went missing#all my friends hate neil the racist carpenter
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So I’ve been thinking abt getting an emotional support animal for a while now but the freaking puss in boots movie is making me think abt it more seriously (what is with that movie??? Why is it perfection???) So here’s a list nobody asked for:
Pros:
Little guy who lives in my house
Probably warm and fluffy
Can help me when I’m stressed, overwhelmed, or burnt out
Put things in perspective
Someone to talk to and play w (literally I go days wo talking to ppl here)
I’ve had pets/petsat many times before and I know how to care for all kinds of creatures
Cons:
Expensive, both in the actual pet and in the upkeep (food, vet, etc)
Poop scooping
I’m hesitant to get into another long term commitment
Balancing work and pet. If I’m already stressed/burnt out, will I be well enough to care for them properly?
Having to tell my parents that I’m struggling (nonononono not doing that)
Having to ask my therapist to approve it. I asked him abt anxiety meds one time and he said “no, I don’t think you need those” and that was the end of that discussion. (Same thing w me asking if I’m adhd or autistic. “Tell me why you think you are … well, you can sit through our whole sessions wo getting distracted and leaving and have no problems w social cues so u can’t be”)
My sister will be jealous. She’s been asking for a pet for years
Where will it live when I’m not in school? Not in my parents’ houses that’s for sure (my mom hates animals and my dad has no space/money)
Idk what kind of animal to get. Rabbits can’t live in small spaces like dorms, birds are too loud, cats get litter and hair everywhere, I don’t want to touch fresh steamy dog poop, and hamsters, rats, fish, and reptiles can’t go on planes
In conclusion… maybe when I graduate and get my own house. There are too many cons rn…
(Shit)
#I’ll just have to stick w my weighted blanket and heated stuffie#and tough it out. it’s just school stress and not having any friends. solution: don’t get a little guy just do the work and make the friends#it’s not fucking hard it’s what I’m supposed to be doing as a normal college student#everyone else can do it#anyway someone tell me I should get a little guy to live in my house. i still won’t but it will be nice to validated#maybe I’ll get one next year#if you’ve read this far in the tags: congratulations! I’m sry I didn’t mean for this to turn into some huge thing in the tags#esa#emotional support animal#mental health#neurodivergent
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I cannot believe my dad sometimes dude. God forbid I ask him for guidance on something relating to HIS business. I probably fucking fixed it wrong too. Can’t wait for that conversation.
#i don’t know all the shit he has in the rooms#I didn’t know the light had a dimmer#ok so I replaced the bulbs and I replaced the batteries in the remote#(probably put the wrong style of bulb in there too but he has like 15 different styles of bulbs and NONE are the same as what I pulled out)#and now the lights aren’t flickering anymore but the dimmer isn’t working#(the new bulbs are supposed to be dimmable so idk what’s going on there)#the remote works for the fan and turning the lights on/off so I don’t think it’s that#but I don’t know!#I asked my dad for help but he and my mom were leaving for a drive so he got all pissed off at me for asking#the customers are ok with where it’s at for now (a little annoyed that it’s not working but none of us know how to fix it)#like I said. it’s at least not flashing anymore#I’m just upset that my dad got mad at me for asking#like im sorry! if the lights weren’t working I’d know where to start there#idk I’m just in a foul mood again now#cause like. I’m not a mind reader! I don’t know everything!#I hate it here and I very much want to leave#I cannot wait until I can move away again#I love my parents but I cannot stand living this close to them#I’m sooooo thankful I’m not living with them#cause I’m pretty sure I would fully lose it#and they have the audacity to ask why I drive 4hours away every weekend to be with my friends#it’s because if I didn’t things would have gone very south many months ago#yes it’s a lot of driving but I will lose my shit if I can’t get away from this place every now and then#you’d think they get it given how often/long they leave but nooooo#ughhhhhhhh
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Sigh I really hope that’s the end of it. I just want to be able to post on here without worrying about my ex. Apologies to friends that may have to witness the tags below
#so much for that pre law degree#can’t even stop yourself from doing the dumb shit like check on me because you can’t let me go.#you can front all you want#I was the one that got away in the end and it feels so good to know that you can’t help yourself#you either want my attention or miss having control over me#being able to freely verbally abuse me whenever you wish.#why do you think I was gone all those times?#I could care less what you were doing away from me.#I could’ve been sleeping in my car on the side of the road#but it didn’t matter because I was away from you#you are nothing but words written on a page that isn’t even worth a name#it’s weird huh. I’m supposed to be hung up on my ex aren’t I?#I mean this only works for you if it’s what you expect#like no one in the last 3 years of my life knows who you are#and that’s how I want it#don’t get me wrong I do wish you the best#but you have no power over me#be thankful I deadname you. we aren’t personal nor are we friends.#and if I show up to your bar? stay behind that counter and pour my drinks. I’m there for me#not you#so take your couple of minutes to gather yourself up in the bathroom or kitchen and get back to work.#how do you fall for the same shit twice?#that little murdurous intent coming out again?#awww does the little angry ex want to hurt me again? 😩#months later and you still check on this#YEARS later and you still check on this.#wishing I was in the hospital with a tourniquet#couldn’t even be thankful for your second chance at life from that crash#you need multiple people in your relationship to validate your feelings.#I need no one to validate my life and how I’m living
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Hellooo, I have a requesttt. Bully!Geto & bully!gojo x reader please!!
𝐚. 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: didn't know how to tackle this, but I think I got it >:3
⊹ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Geto + Gojo x afab/fem! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - modern au! college setting; satosugu + you are juniors - sex in shared space; college dorm - fingering (f! receiving) - breast fondling + nipple play - oral (m! receiving) - facials - clitoral play (pinching and swiping) - Eiffel Tower/spit-roasting position - slight degradation - pet names (baby, crybaby, cutie, good girl, plaything, pretty girl, sweetheart) - unprotected sex (doesn't shoot inside, tho) - mention of tears and drool.
⊹ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.4k
“—Gaaahh!! N-Noo, shtop! No more, no mo—Oooh!”
“Aww, don’t go cryin’ on us yet; let’s see how much this pussy can cum!”
“Satoru, keep playing with their nipples; they keep gripping my fingers like crazy…”
Being bullied seems to be an everyday thing for a wimp like you—especially in the hands of Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto.
What kind of person lets two of the hottest guys in the school bully them? You’re practically nearly a full-ass grown adult; you shouldn’t be letting people push you around like it’s middle school! And yet, you can’t seem to bring yourself to stand for yourself, too meek and reserved to step up the ladder of confrontation, even if it’s from people who’ve tormented you most of your life.
Gojo and Geto have been your bullies for nearly your entire academic life, starting from first grade. To say that your life was hell on Earth was just the surface, coming home in tears and wishing to disappear every single day. The emotional toil was too much to bear, so much so that you did everything in your power to make sure you didn’t end up in the same high school as the two, a task that you’re proud to act on as making friends and getting through the final four years of your primary education became easier to accomplish.
However, this fulfillment was thrown out the window when you walked on campus grounds and discovered that after two years, your bullies had transferred to the same college as you! Not only in the same place but in the same dorm section and sharing the same class—had the world gone mad?! Just when you have accepted this new chapter in your life to start anew and fresh, these two spin back and the pool of anxiety swallows you back up and pulverizes your heart. There was no way for this situation to be envisaged.
“Ohaaa!! Shtooop, t’ooo fasst!!”
And now, they have new methods to diminish your dignity.
Against your comfort, you and the two were assigned a spreadsheet to work on and have it done by Thursday, so you three were supposed to be working in the living room of their dorm apartment. Nevertheless, you don’t think lying on the couch with your back to Gojo and Geto between your legs has anything to do with the assignment…
You were squirming, Gojo’s slender hands cupping and fondling your chest, tips of his fingers tweaking your nipples roughly so that you whine helplessly. Legs spread open for your panties and bare cunt to be exposed when you were stripped from your leggings, and Geto toys your private part with his fingers. The sensation of his middle digit inside you was hard to believe, like the howl from curling onto the upper wall of your vagina.
“Uuuwww, ohmyGoooood…!” You throw your head back to the shoulder of the white-haired one whose forefingers circle the buds of your mounds. “W-We can’t be—hic—doing this…”
“Ehhh, c’mon, baby,” hearing Gojo talk to your ear so close has to be something out of a dream or nightmare. “Who says we can’t play with our favorite person, huh?”
You gulp at the lick of your earlobe. “Because…we have work to d—Aaahh!”
“Don’t think about that assignment when I’m busy shoving my fingers in you,” Geto reminds you, the pace of his digit increasing and the scrape of his fingertip having your toes curl. “Doesn’t the pretty girl wanna play us like old times?”
A hand grabs his wrist, yet that does little to hinder the raven-haired one’s diligence within your leaking chasm. “B-But…We can’t!” Jesus, it’s tough to think adequately the more Geto pushes and pulls his finger, brushing it up against your texture. Tears welled up in your eyes, your body sore from their constant touches.
“God, still cryin’ from being teased, huh, crybaby?” Gojo chuckles while cupping your cheeks. “Still a cutie, though…”
No way, there’s absolutely no way! You had to be dreaming because there is no way you’re awake to see the day Gojo is kissing you! Biting your bottom lip and shoving his tongue inside, your brain practically explodes as you moan in his mouth, and your slit contracts the rub of Geto’s finger. Did you just cum from a kiss?!
“Oh wow, they’re spasming like crazy,” Geto chortles at the sight of your legs trembling and your genitalia fluttering around the digit. “Cumming from a kiss, huh? Heh, so easy to mess with.”
Your response was deterred to that of imperceptible wails, crying into Gojo’s pillowy lips as he sucked on your tongues to hear you sob more. This was so unfair; this situation was not in your favor once you were dragged into their apartment.
Not even in the next phase of this meet-up.
Your clothes are discarded from your body to the living room floor, mounting on the couch on all fours, Geto to your front and Gojo to your back. The three of you are too far gone to think about the damn assignment—your frame too occupied by their cocks to evade them so.
Soapy lips suck on the dick of the dark-haired other, puffy cheeks making room for the limb burrowing inside your mouth. He fucks you orally with vigor, snapping his hips to your lips as your head pounds with every jab to the back of your throat. You’re not left with a second to breathe calmly, his girth overwhelming.
“Fuuuhhck, Jesus Christ,” he curses, grinding his pelvis and moaning at the feel of your tight throat. “Such a good girl, sucking me so well; got the mouth of a great cumslut.”
“Has the pussy of one, too!”
The words burn your ears, coming from behind as the guy with snowy hair plunges his length into your vagina. His hands are situated on your waist to keep you on him, the curve of his cock scratching your sweet spots too accurately that you’re forced to scream on the other’s shaft.
Gojo throws his head back with a sigh, “Fuckin’ shiiiit, this pussy…clamping on me so hard, you wanna milk me dry?” He bends down to your ear, “Want my load so bad like a little whore?” Squeezing on him was inevitable, making him hiss. “Fuck! Don’t do that…”
“Damn this throat, man,” you peer up to Geto. Your eyes have already released the tears stricken down your face, the lower part of your face all hot from the frequent hits. He chortles, “You look so good all messy like that, sweetheart…Holy shit, you looked so fucked out.”
Of course you were; they’ve been toying with your body for ten minutes with no rest! Your frame was aching so bad, sobbing because of the cock busying your throat and the dick grazing your G-spot. It was too much to catch up with, especially when Gojo sneaks a hand to your clit to rub and swipe. Your eyes roll to the ceiling, and a scream is muffled, your figure submitting to the pinches on your sensitive pearl.
“Wanna cum?” Silver brows trench together at the clamp of your walls. “Do it, cum on my dick, you nasty crybaby.”
More tweaks to your clitoris coincide with the erratic pistons of Gojo’s thighs, and you have no choice but to climax once more. Your cunt tightens around his cock with every hit of your orgasm, and he makes sure to get his raw cock out of you to ejaculate his milky fluid onto your back, painting your skin with his load.
The same goes for Geto as well, who grabs your head and roughly pulls himself off to paint your face with his essence. You whimper with every quiver and addition of his sperm, spurting to your forehead and decorating your cheeks to slide down your chin. You never felt so dirty in your life, your tongue accidentally tasting it from licking your lips. “Good girl,” he compliments with a teasing pinch to your cheek.
Gojo rubs his length on the cusp of your butt. “Man, cutie, you keep driving me crazy.” His fingers aimlessly play with your clit. “Now I really can’t leave you alone…”
Dread weighs your bones at his words, and you can only question how you can survive these upcoming semesters with these harassers. And now that they’re hooked on you, this fresh new start has become much more suffocating…
© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 – reblogs and comments are appreciated wholeheartedly ☆ header edit done by me + dividers by @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more.
#𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊 ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ 𝑾𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒔: 𝑺𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x you#jjk smut#jjk x y/n#gojo x reader#gojo smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojou satoru x reader#gojo satoru smut#geto x reader#geto smut#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru smut#getou suguru x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk imagines#anime smut
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In Another Life
Summary : Bucky is certain you only see him as a friend. It only took him travelling to a different reality to realise otherwise.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (she/her)
Warnings/tags : slight cursing, very slight suggestion of sex, Yelena being a third wheel, and multiversal travel!!!
Requested by : anon
Word count : 3.9k
Note : This was really fun to write. And yes, I slipped Yelena into this because I can. Enjoy!
Requests are open!
○ buy me a ko-fi ○
“I’ll miss you,” you mumbled as Bucky handed you a knife to sharpen. As he sat there in your living room, the evening light reflected on your curtains, casting a soft shadow across his face. You sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder, so close yet not quite close enough. He had asked if he could come over the day before his mission, claiming he needed help sharpening his knives. He has said ‘no one sharpens knives as good as you’. To some degree, you both knew it wasn’t the only reason he was here.
“Weren’t we supposed to see that new World War II exhibit at the museum tomorrow?” you asked, your voice riddled with a tinge of disappointment.
“We were,” Bucky admitted, his gaze dropping to the floor. If there was one thing he hated, it was letting you down, especially over a mission he couldn’t refuse.
“Who does Strange think he is anyway— that lunatic wizard?” you quipped, with a little gossipy tone. “Showing up at your doorstep and just… demanding you drop everything last minute?”
A small smile tugged at Bucky’s lips, enjoying this sassy part of you. “It's a bit annoying, but I can’t exactly turn him down.”
You sighed, leaning back against the couch as you worked. “What’s so important that he needs you and Yelena for, anyway? This isn't one of those ‘end of the world’ things, is it?”
Strange had basically asked him to commit theft, and not just any theft— he wanted Bucky to steal something from a multiversal variant of himself in another reality.
Still, Strange had made it sound urgent. It would be most obvious to partner him with you, since you were proven to work well together, but you had just returned from another mission in Antarctica. Both Bucky and Strange knew you needed time to recover.
That left Yelena and Sam. Sam, with his unmovable sense of duty, would’ve questioned every detail and repercussion. He was growing more and more into his Captain America mantle, and that wasn’t a bad thing— it was just inconvenient sometimes. Yelena, on the other hand, would do what needed to be done and ask fewer questions, which was why Strange approached her instead.
If the mission worked out, Bucky would have earned himself a favour owed by one of the most powerful sorcerers in the world. That was a card he couldn’t afford to pass up.
Bucky hesitated, feeling the familiar weight of secrets settle on his shoulders. “It’s classified,” he finally said, which was technically true. He didn’t want to trigger your anxieties with the details, especially when he didn’t fully understand the whole multiverse mess himself.
You gave a small nod. You’d been around the hero-type for so long to know there were things you weren’t always allowed to know. Even though you were laser-focused on sharpening another knife, you could tell something was off.
“Are you okay?” you asked, watching his fingers dance along one of the blades, tension flowing through his body like a wave he cannot tame.
He didn’t answer immediately, but you could see the conflicting spark in his eyes. He didn’t mind the danger. But the multiverse, something that was so unknown to him? That was a different kind of fear.
He didn’t want to leave things unsaid with you. Not when there was a chance he might not come back.
He called your name softly. “Can I talk to you?”
There was something in the way your name left his lips that made your chest tighten. Bucky wasn’t the nervous type—not with you, anyway. Your hands stilled on the sharpening stone. “Of course,” you said, setting the tools aside.
He took a deep breath, glancing down at his hands, gathering the courage to speak. “You mean a lot to me,” he started, his voice low but steady.
Your heart skipped a beat. Bucky’s hands reached out to gently clasp yours, the cool metal was a sharp contrast to the warmth of his human hand. It was such a Bucky thing to do, to find a simple, human way to connect, even as he struggled with the mechanical parts of him.
“I need to tell you—”
A loud, insistent knock thundered the door, startling both of you. Bucky’s fingers slipped from yours as you turned towards the sound.
“Yelena!” you exclaimed, standing up.
“Yelena?” Bucky echoed, blinking in confusion.
“Did I not tell you?” you asked, biting your lip. “When you asked if you could come over, I asked if she needed her knives sharpened too. She did, so I invited her. I hope that’s okay?”
Bucky’s heart sank, but he forced himself an unreadable expression. Of course, You’d invited someone else. Maybe it wasn’t the right time to say what he wanted to say, if it ever was. In fact, maybe this was a sign to never tell you.
You invited Yelena, your friend. Which probably meant he was also a friend—just a friend. It probably meant you would never see him as something more.
Before he could respond, you were already at the door, revealing the deadly assassin packed into a 5 '4 vessel of human fury. She gave you a sisterly smile in greeting before her eyes landed on Bucky.
“Hello, Bucky,” she said, her russian accent a little too cheerful as she dropped a heavy duffel bag on the wooden floor with an echoing thud.
“Yelena,” Bucky replied, somewhat coldly. He didn’t dislike Yelena. He knew better than to make an enemy of her. Besides, they had saved each other’s life before. But at that moment, he resented her.
He resented that she had unknowingly interrupted something he might never get the chance to finish.
“Drink?” you offered, already heading towards the kitchen.
“Just water,” Yelena shrugged, flopping down into the armchair with the casual confidence of someone who could kill you with both hands behind her back. As you left the room, Yelena turned her mischievous gaze to Bucky, her lips curling into a knowing smirk.
“I’m not third-wheeling today, am I?” she teased, pulling out a couple of dull knives and placing them on the table in front of her.
Bucky’s ears burned red. “Shut up.”
Yelena chuckled, twirling a knife like a baby would play with their dummy. “I can see the way you look at her, you know. If you put half as much effort into flirting as you do into those knives, you might actually get somewhere.”
He clenched his jaw, the frustration building. He hated the insinuation that he wasn't trying. But now? He might stop. He might just give up because clearly, he was a friend to you, the way Yelena was a friend. “It’s none of your business.”
“Oh, it is when I’m sitting here watching you blow your chance, Barnes.” Yelena’s tone softened, just a touch, before she glanced in the direction of the kitchen. “She’s oblivious, but she cares.”
Bucky stared down at the knife in his hands, knowing he had to deal with this teasing all day tomorrow. A constant reminder that he will always be too afraid to tell you. “It’s not that simple.”
Before Yelena could respond, you returned with glasses of water in hand, completely unaware of the exchange between the widow and the soldier in your absence. You handed Yelena the glass with a smile and settled back down beside Bucky, completely oblivious to his racing heart.
—
The multiverse… wasn’t as confusing as Bucky had expected it to be.
Sure, he didn’t understand how it functioned or what the exact mechanics were—something about a teenager named America Chavez punching a star-shaped hole through space-time. Or something like that.
But what really threw him off was how familiar this reality felt, how similar it was to his own. The streets, the neighbourhood, the people, the world around him—it was all the same, yet different in subtle, uncanny ways he couldn't quite point out.
America had opened the portal in an alley near Bucky's apartment in this different reality. After he and Yelena stepped through, America warned them: "I will open a portal again in two hours. Don’t miss the window." America was still so young, but she had a grim seriousness in her voice. Bucky wondered what her story was.
Now, Bucky and Yelena sat perched on a fire escape across from his own apartment—or, at least, a version of it. It was the same address as his was in his reality. The mission was simple: retrieve an artefact that belonged to this variant of Bucky—a blue stone embedded in a gold ring—from his apartment in this reality. Strange had briefed them on it: the ring was a powerful protection charm, and he needed it.
He just had to wait until his variant went out for his daily run, slip inside, find the ring, and get out. Yelena would be backup, keeping watch in case things went south. Maybe in case the variant of him decided to return early.
“I can’t imagine your girlfriend approves of this dangerous multiverse stuff,” Yelena quipped, resting her sniper rifle on the edge of the fire escape. “She’s very protective of you.”
Bucky’s cheeks turned bright red. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he muttered, though the title felt strange on his lips.
“Whatever,” Yelena grinned, clearly unconvinced.
Only thirty minutes later, variant Bucky stepped out of the apartment for his run.
“Radio silence unless it’s an emergency,” Bucky instructed before slipping his earpiece in, turning it on. He didn’t want distractions. Not today.
Sliding off the fire escape, Bucky quickly made his way to the apartment. To his surprise, his keys worked just fine. No need for breaking in. As he stepped inside, he couldn’t shake the feeling of being somewhere both familiar and alien.
Everything was almost identical— just almost. The couch was a lighter shade of blue, the TV a different brand, though it looked the same. It was like staring into an uncanny mirror of his own life.
Focus. He needed to find the ring.
He began searching the usual spots—safes, drawers, anywhere he’d hide something important in his own apartment. But no luck. Think, Barnes, he thought to himself, where would you put a protection charm?
Then, something caught his eye— a framed photo on the mantle of his fireplace that wasn’t supposed to be there. A photo of him and… you.
His breath hitched. It wasn’t just any photo. You were kissing his cheek, a lake in the background. The warmth in your smile, the easy comfort between you both... It was a picture he'd never seen in his reality.
Were you together in this one?
Suddenly, everything clicked. The extra clothes in the closet, the toiletries. In his reality, you had a drawer in his apartment, since you stayed over sometimes, as a friend. But this? This was different. Here, you shared a life.
He spotted a camera, instantly recognizing it as the same model you had back in his reality. He knew he should stay focused on finding the charm, but curiosity got the best of him. Before he could stop himself, he turned it on, eyes shifting through the photos. Image after image appeared—of him and you together. Holidays, long walks, intimate dinners. Kisses and comfortable hugs.
His chest tightened with a hollow ache of jealousy. Was this what he could have? What he might be missing?
Before he could process the feeling, a buzz in his earpiece snapped him back to reality.
Yelena’s voice came through, saying your name urgently.
“What?” Bucky asked. Why would Yelena say your name like that?
“She’s here. She’s entering the building.”
Panic surged through him like a thunderbolt. “Don’t shoot her,” he ordered.
“Yeah, didn’t plan to,” Yelena answered, annoyed that he thought she was thinking of it, “but what are you gonna do? She has keys.”
Of course she does, Bucky thought, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. Frozen in his place, his mind raced. What now?
Suddenly, the door opened, and there you were, a version of yourself he had never met before.
“Buck?” the variant of you said, startled, eyes widening. “I thought you’d still be on your run. And why are you wearing your tactical suit?”
You closed the door behind, placing your bag on the couch.
“I—” he stammered, completely unprepared for this, unable to move. His heart pounded in his chest, the sound tangled in his throat. He glanced at your hand. There, on your finger, was the ring. The protection charm.
Of course. He should have known. He’d do anything to protect you.
His mind spun with conflicting emotions— jealousy of his own variant, longing for you back home, and guilt that he was even here.
You took a step closer, a teasing smile tugging at your lips. “Not that I’m complaining about the tactical suit... You know I like it when you wear it to bed.” You flirted with a tender laugh, that soft sound that always made his heart stutter filling the air around him.
Bucky’s breath caught in his throat as you leaned in. It would be so easy to give in, to just pretend for a moment that this was his life, that this variant of you was his. To feel your lips on his.
His hand twitched at his side, wanting to grip your waist, to pull you closer. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t let this continue.
He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, stopping you. “I can’t,” he whispered, voice strained. “There’s nothing I want more. But I can’t.”
Your brow furrowed in confusion. The variant of you pulled back, studying him more closely now, noticing the subtle changes. There was a subtle scar on his neck that wasn’t there before. “You’re not my Bucky, are you?”
Yelena’s voice crackled in his earpiece again. She had been able to hear everything. “Bucky, I know she’s your weakness, but we need that ring. Do not tell her—”
Bucky switched the earpiece off, ignoring Yelena’s warning. He’d deal with that later. You deserved better than half-truths.
“This is Strange’s doing, isn’t it?” you asked, taking the revelation surprisingly well. “I thought he was done with all this multiverse shit.”
He nodded, guilt twisting in his chest. “Yeah. But… not your Strange. Mine.”
Silence hung in the air, thick with unspoken words. The variant of you looked at him carefully, as if searching for a trace of the Bucky you knew.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I didn’t mean for you to get involved.”
“What does Strange want?” you asked, frowning. “And why is he sending my fiancé to do his dirty work?”
Bucky blinked. Fiancé? His heart stuttered. That ring wasn’t just a charm. It was your engagement ring.
You noticed his shock. “We are engaged in your reality, right?”
He swallowed hard. “No. I—I haven’t even told you, uh, her… how I feel.”
A soft chuckle escaped you. “So, all the Buckys are like this then? Huh.”
Bucky’s heart raced, his mind still reeling from the idea that you— at least this version of you—were engaged to him in this reality. It was everything he wanted but didn’t have.
“I know I shouldn’t be here,” he muttered, guilt laced in his whimpering voice.
You tilted your head like you were trying to piece the puzzle pieces together and came to a conclusion that you were safe. As if you convinced yourself that no variant of Bucky would ever hurt any version of you.
“It’s okay,” you said softly. “You’re still him. In some way.”
He wasn’t your Bucky, and yet, you spoke to him like he was. You spoke to him with the same compassion, the same love. His eyes flickered to your hand again—the ring.
Focus on the mission, he reminded himself. But how could he? Your eyes followed his stare, and it landed on the gold band around your finger. You let out a small but heavy sigh.
“Strange wants the ring, doesn't he?” you asked. Bucky nodded, feeling his heart twist in his ribs. He didn't want to take anything away from you.
“He said it’s a powerful protection charm.”
The variant of you stood still for a moment, “I know.” You gently slid the ring off your finger, holding it in your palm.
You stepped closer. “If Strange wants it, I know it has to be important. I trust that lunatic wizard— and I trust you.”
You were trusting him— this version of him who wasn’t even yours— with something so personal, something tied to your bond with his variant. “But, it's your engagement ring,” he said. He knew he got what he wanted, but he can't help but wonder why you gave it away so willingly. “I—Your Bucky gave this to you to protect you.”
The variant of you smiled, taking a necklace chain from under your shirt. There it was, the same stone that was on the ring also sat on your chest.
“My Bucky asked this reality’s Strange to split the gemstone,” the variant of you said, “He knows I have this tendency of misplacing my jewellery.”
Bucky can't help but chuckle. His version of you had that quirk, too.
“I’ll explain everything to my Bucky when he gets back. I know he’ll understand.” You hesitated giving him the ring for a second. “On one condition.”
His brow furrowed.
You gave him a knowing smile, one that was all too familiar. One that made his heart swarm. “Go back to your reality, and tell me—her how you feel.”
His heart twisted. He does not make promises he can't keep, especially not to you— any version of you. “I can’t—"
“You can,” you interjected with that stubbornness he knew and loved. “If she means anything to you, you will.”
He stared at you, and no words came out. All this time, he had kept his feelings hidden, afraid of losing you if he told the truth. But here, another version of you telling him to just suck it up.
Bucky’s voice wavered above a whisper. “What if she doesn’t feel the same?”
A soft laugh escaped your lungs, and you shook your head, knowing something he doesn’t. “Trust me, she does.”
He could tell that this variant of you knew him so well, even if you were from another universe. Slowly, he took the ring from your hand. It felt heavier than it should’ve, weighted with more than just its magic.
“I will tell her,” he whispered a promise, “thank you.”
You nodded, giving him a small, encouraging smile.
Bucky clenched his jaw, putting his earpiece back on.
“There you are,” Yelena’s voice crackled back into life. “Our window’s closing. We’ve got about ten minutes before the portal opens again. Move it.”
A shaky breath left his lungs. “Ring secured. On my way.”
He gave you one last look, his heart full of a thousand swirling emotions he couldn’t even begin to put a name to. “I hope your Bucky knows how lucky he is.”
The variant of you smiled. “I think he does.”
Without another word, Bucky slipped out of the apartment, the ring safely in his pocket.
—
Bucky had knocked on your door after the day of his mission. When he saw you, your name escaped his lips like a prayer as he hugged you.
Now, this was you. Not another version of you.
“Are you okay, Buck?” you chuckled.
Bucky held you a little tighter, his chest rising and falling against yours as he tried to ground himself in the present— this present reality. He pulled back slightly, eyes scanning your face like it was the first time he’d seen you in years. The both of you slipped into your apartment, closing the door.
“I missed you,” he admitted softly, though it had only been two days. The words now carried more weight than they ever had before. His mind was still reeling from the alternate reality, from the life he could have had with you, and from what the variant of you had told him. He found some comfort and confidence, knowing that there was a version of him out there who had done what he was too scared to do—tell you how he felt. It was his turn now.
You smiled, but concern flickered in your eyes as you noticed something different in his touch. “You’re acting weird. Did something happen on the mission?”
Bucky hesitated, but he knew he couldn’t let this opportunity pass him by again.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” Bucky said, his voice uncharacteristically shaky.
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but you stayed silent, giving him the space to continue. You’d known him long enough to recognize when he was on the edge of an emotional breakthrough.
He took a deep breath to steady himself and stepped closer, his fingers brushing the side of your arm. “I’ve been afraid of losing you if I told you…”
Your heart skipped a beat as you realised where this was going. You stayed quiet, letting him speak.
“I care about you more than anything,” he continued, his stormy blue eyes locking with yours, vulnerable and frail. “I’m in love with you, and I’ve been too scared to say it.”
Your breath caught itself before it left your lungs. You could feel the truth of his words in the way his voice wavered, in the intensity of his gaze, in the flutter of his touch.
“I’m sorry if this is too much, too fast,” Bucky added quickly, misreading your silence for rejection. He cursed at himself, wondering if the variant of you had been wrong. “If you don’t feel the same, I—”
You didn’t let him finish. Instead, you closed the distance between you, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. It was soft and tentative at first, but as soon as your lips met his,the hesitations, the doubts, the fears all fell away.
Bucky’s metal hand settled at the small of your back, pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. His soft lips moving against yours with a mix of relief and urgency, taking each other in for the first time as if it was your last. The warmth of your body against his, the way you fit perfectly in his arms— it was everything he could ever ask for.
You finally pulled back breathless, your foreheads rested against each other as you let the adrenaline settle.
“I love you too, Bucky,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I was just waiting for you to see it.”
Bucky chuckled softly.
You playfully shook your head. “I owe Yelena ten bucks.”
Bucky raised an eyebrow.
“She was here yesterday night, after your mission,” you said, “She bet me that we’d be together by the end of the week. I took the bet because I didn't think you’d feel the same.”
Bucky let out a low laugh, the tension in his shoulders easing as a grin spread across his face. She had been pestering him after the mission yesterday, insisting on knowing what the variant of you had told him. But he had not volunteered any information to her. “Yelena knew before I even said anything? I’m losing my edge.” he teased himself, shaking his head.
“Please, Buck. She’s like a human lie detector,” you quipped, rolling your eyes fondly.
“Well, ten bucks is worth it, right?” he smiled.
You kissed him once more, short, sweet, and fleeting this time. It drew a giggle out of you, “Definitely.”
Maybe one day, he’d tell you about the mission, about the variant of you.
But for now, he only wanted to enjoy the moment.
-end
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