#was it all the Johnny depp stuff??

[catgirltoes]

Also I hate how there's so little feminist consciousness in the zeitgeist nowadays. Like for the mostpart people have a vague awareness that 'sexism bad' but there's so little ability to actually identify when things are sexist and why. There's so little recognition that misogyny is a genuine force of oppression. And what feminist consciousness does exist is utterly impotent, regardless of the form it takes.

[selfiesforalgernon]

Just going back through stuff I noted on Jack Kerouac's "Visions Of Cody" and man I'd kill to have an audiobook where Matthew McConaughey reads it.. I feel like he fits Kerouac's vibe well enough he should've even been Dean in that mid adaptation of On The Road a decade or two ago, but seriously do you not hear this in his voice?

[georgestraitpridemonth]

why is one of the few famous men to defend their girlfriend from being hated on Ed Norton when he dated Courtney Love. imagine being a worse guy than Edward Norton

[vamptastic]

easy to forget how other people use the internet until i watch my annual movie and look in the tags. you guys really live like this?

[youremyheaven]

Outcaste Nakshatras: The Outsiders (part 3)

Here's part 1 and part 2

The more I study Mleccha nakshatra natives and the art they make, the more I understand how deeply lonely it is to have a Mleccha nak (Bharani, Ashlesha, Vishaka, Shravana) and I really feel for them. To live your whole life feeling misunderstood and othered is so difficult.

The movie Edward Scissorhands is a really good example of the "outcast" trope. The titular character is played by Johnny Depp who has Ashlesha Rising and his love interest is played by Winona Ryder who has Mercury (amatyakaraka) & Venus (atmakaraka) in Vishaka

I find Outcaste nak pairing very interesting because obviously you only feel like you belong/truly feel accepted in the presence of another Outcast.

Sidharth Malhotra, Vishaka Moon is married to Kiara Advani, who has Mercury & Venus (atmakaraka) in Ashlesha (if you have 2 or more planets in the same nak that energy is very concentrated even if its not your big 3)

they're both known for being pretty low-key people which is unusual in Bollywood lmao

Sid is an "outsider" which is what we call non-nepo actors in India. imagine the extent of nepotism in cinema in India that its the exception to be an "outsider"lmao. anyway Sid is pretty reserved and introverted and is known for not fitting in with the Bollywood crowd. Kiara is also kinda like that I guess but idk too much about her personality. They both seem happy together tho

Kareena Kapoor, Shravana Moon is married to Saif Ali Khan, Ashlesha Sun & Shravana Moon

Kareena's parents are famous actors who are separated (her dad was misogynistic and abusive and didn't want women to act) and even tho she's a nepo baby she didn't grow up with the same privileges as others in her famous family. Her elder sister had to drop out of school to support the family by acting as they were raised by a single mom and had fallen on bad times. You can see how the "outcast" themes were present in Kareena's life even though she's a very privileged nepo baby

Saif is also a nepo baby (welcome to bollywood lol) but he married a much older actress when he was 21 and had two kids. they later got divorced and Saif received a ton of bad press for alleged adultery, not getting custody or visitation rights of the kids, not paying child support (the amount was absurdly high tbh) etc he didn't fit in with the other actors of his generation. The media & public went crazy when news of Saif & Kareena getting married came out bc Saif is a divorcee with 2 kids (this stuff is still taboo in India unfortunately) and Kareena is one of the most successful stars of her generation. But they've been married for 10+ yrs and have 2 kids and are as happy as ever.

Even Kareena's longterm ex-boyfriend, Shahid Kapoor was a Mleccha caste nak guy (he has Vishaka Moon)

Expanding on the outcast tropes, Shahid's parents separated when he was young and he saw little of his biological father. He had to work very hard for very long to break into the industry and even now, he's not really given his due as an actor.

Alia Bhatt, Shravana Rising is married to Ranbir Kapoor, Shravana Moon

their marriage seems hella toxic to me ngl BUT they've both had similar childhoods.

Alia & Ranbir are both nepo babies (welcome to bollywood), Alia is like a tier 3 nepo (her father is a notoriously controversial filmmaker) whilst Ranbir is like a tier 1 nepo (he is a 4th generation actor from the biggest film family in India) however both their parents had unhappy marriages, and both of them had abusive fathers. trauma bonding, mayhaps? they're both also extremely close to their mothers as well (Moon dominant people often tend to be)

Its another example of Outcaste naks bonding over their shared experiences/feelings of being the outcast.

all members of Blackpink have an Outcaste nakshatra in their chart that is prominent in some way.

Jisoo- Shravana Moon, Venus in Vishaka (darakaraka), Ketu in Bharani

Rose- Venus conjunct Jupiter (debilitated) in Shravana

Jennie- Vishaka Moon, Mars in Shravana

Lisa- Jupiter in Shravana (debilitated), Swati Moon (Swati is a Shudra nak, which is the lowest caste so the themes are similar to that of outcaste naks)

This is interesting to me because BP is the biggest girl group of all time yet they are also probably disproportionately hated for things they cant even control. they were mismanaged by a shitty ass company with very few comebacks and barely got to display their true calibre as artists and their media interactions, promos, other activities etc were severely controlled and restricted. all of this is to say that despite being the most successful group their actual experiences are far from sunshine and roses. they were treated like outcasts by their company and the industry and fans. they trained for 4-6 years, enduring a brutal and toxic system, worked very hard with what they were given, with 0 creative liberty to come this far im glad theyre pursuing solo careers now and hope to see them thrive<333

the movie Lost in Translation is a good example of two outcasts/lonely people who find comfort in each other

Bill Murray is Shravana Moon and Scarlett Johansson is Vishaka Moon

Sridevi, Ashlesha Sun & Rising and Boney Kapoor, Vishaka Sun & Mercury

So they had a really fcked up marriage that I won't get into but they were both people who felt like outcasts in their lives. Sridevi grew up with a stepfather and was pushed into acting by her mother when she was 3-4 years old (she's like an Indian Judy Garland tbh) who deprived her of formal education and a normal life so that she'd be the family cash cow. Being South Indian, she also found it hard to fit in among Bollywood folks as she initially spoke neither Hindi nor English. Boney's the ugly duckling of his family and his younger brother is one of the most famous/iconic actors ever, he had to become a movie producer since his brothers became actors and his father (who was a movie producer) thought it would be better if he stayed behind the scenes. themes of exclusion and outcast-ness crop up in their lives and in the lives of all the people I mention here.

Lady Bird is a good example of a movie about a female teenage outcast. The titular character is played by Saoirse Ronan, who has Bharani Moon

Recently I came across the content creator, Alana Lintao who often makes shorts about social behaviour. This one in particular stood out to me because its literally about one person being excluded by a group of friends or being treated like "the other".

Alana plays the excluded friend in this short as well. She has Bharani Sun, Swati Moon and Mercury in Revati amatyakaraka (Swati & Revati are both Shudra naks)

Outcaste naks are vilified and crucified for mistakes others get away with.

Janet Jackson, Vishaka Rising & Ketu

Janet's career took a hit and her life took a tumultuous turn after the Superbowl incident. She did not deserve all the vitriol she received then especially considering how so many others get away with wayyy worse

Jennie, Vishaka Moon gets hated on for absolutely nothing

Lana Del Rey, Ashlesha Moon, Vishaka Rising (&stellium)

Lana does say dumb things from time to time but she gets soooo much unnecessary hate

I have noticed how Outcaste nakshatras often tend to have really difficult childhood experiences

Jeanette McCurdy- Ardra sun, Bharani Moon & Pushya Rising

Jeanette opens up about her abusive mother and terrible childhood in her memoir. I mention her other placements as well because I've noticed that both Ardra & Pushya natives also experience abuse in their early lives

Britney Spears, Shravana Moon

she has endured so much abuse from so many people including her family. i wish her peace.

Wheein, Vishaka Moon grew up with a single mother and later after she made her debut her estranged father tried to borrow money from people under her name?? there was a minor scandal about it many years ago. She also grew up quite lower middle class if not poor.

David Bowie, Shravana Rising

Bowie once said, "“It wasn’t a particularly happy childhood, my parents were cold emotionally. There weren’t many hugs. I always craved affection because of that.”

Cole & Dylan Sprouse, Ashlesha Sun

Speaking on the Call Her Daddy podcast, he explained that their mother's issues with mental health and addiction contributed to her being "financially the most irresponsible woman ever." He said that when their dad was given forced custody when the boys were 10, their mom had already spent everything they'd earned from their early acting jobs. Though their dad wanted them to be "normal kids," he ultimately decided that the boys' acting careers were a financial necessity.

Ariel Winter, Shravana Sun

Ariel Winter has spoken out about how acting wasn't her choice, but it was her mother's. Ariel shared that her mother, Crystal Workman, had dreams of being an actor herself. Ariel said that with Crystal as her stage mom, she dealt with a lot of abuse and exploitation.

Once Ariel's acting career began, she said her mom put her on a strict diet and neglected her education. Her mother also had her dress in outfits that sexualized her. Ariel claimed her mom put her in “the smallest miniskirts, sailor suits, low-cut things, the shortest dresses you’ve ever seen. People thought I was 24 when I was 12. If there was going to be a nude scene when I was that age, my mother would have a thousand percent said yes.”

Now Bollywood is an industry run by film dynasties, its very rare for someone from the outside to break in and make it big. Being an "Outsider" is very difficult, people bully you, try to sabotage your career, try to isolate you etc etc, needless to say its not for the faint of heart. So lets take a look at some of the most successful "Outsiders" in Bollywood who made it big without any family in the business

ofc we have to start with the most successful outsider of all time, Shahrukh Khan, Shravana Moon

he truly came from nothing (father died when he was a teenager, mother died before he made his debut, has a sister with special needs who he has taken care of his entire life) and became the biggest star in the world.

Akshay Kumar, Vishaka Moon, he was a martial artist, chef, waiter and worked numerous odd jobs before he started modelling in his late 20s and later started acting and today he has a net worth of $340 million

Anushka Sharma, Bharani Sun

her life is truly a case of being lucky af, she was a model and by the age of 19-20 she was cast in a film opposite Shahrukh Khan aka the biggest actor in the country produced by YRF, one of the biggest film production companies in India. its truly a fairy tale because neither can Anushka act nor is she gifted in any other way (bad dancer, heck she was even an awful model) but she's incredibly successful in every way and is now married to the (former) Captain of the Indian cricket team

Deepika Padukone, Shravana Rising

she is from a privileged background (her dad's a renowned badminton player) but she worked very very hard to get where she is today and has had more career longevity than just about any other actress.

Bipasha Basu & John Abraham, Bharani Moon

they were both a hot couple who were really popular in the 2000s

there are many other successful Outsiders but they don't have outcaste naks lol, these are the only ones i can think of rn :/

i hope this post was informative<33

[verysium]

some hcs abt the bllk boys doing modeling shoots as pro-players? (like what they’d model for and the ways they captivate their audiences and stuff)? ty and love ur works btw 💞💞🫡

idk why but this ask made my brain freeze up and refuse to write anything for 3 days, so apologies if this is late anon:

sae would be so done. i mean....he walked out on a literal interview, so what makes you think he won't walk out on a photoshoot? he probably hates the very idea of plastering his face all over billboards and magazines. but his manager said that he was in desperate need of good publicity, especially after that stunt he pulled with the last commercial endorsement. if sae was forced to model though, he'd definitely be as stiff as a board. no facial expressions whatsoever and always sticks to one pose. oftentimes, this involves him facing the wall and only showing half his face. if the photographer wants a full frontal, he's going to have to deal with sae's "i don't want to be here and i'm being held hostage" face. even if sae does try smiling, it looks more like a grimace. the only redeeming quality here is that he is good-looking. if you look at the official art, he doesn't even have to try to get all of you drooling over him. that face card does not decline. like ever. so the shoots usually wrap up pretty quickly because out of the 100 images taken, at least half are going to be usable. he's photogenic from any angle.

kaiser would strike a pose for everything, even his own mugshot. i picture him as that one johnny depp advertisement for dior sauvage. blue lighting. a silk blouse with the top button open to show off a sliver of his sculpted chest. his hair is slicked back with gel, and his knuckles are decorated with silver rings. the tattoo just pulls everything together. if not a perfume commercial, then i think he'd model for adidas or some other german brand (maybe even a beer company if he's old enough). i don't think he has any trouble with the actual modeling part of process. he knows how to flaunt himself. the only issue is that kaiser is a lazy perfectionist. he would show up late to the shoots and then stays even later just looking through the shots and choosing which ones to include. puts a lot of time and effort into things like this. after all, his image and his brand are important to him.

shidou would be sponsored by an energy drink brand. like red bull or monster. if not that, then axe body spray lol. as for modeling, i feel like he wouldn't be able to sit still. probably pulls out crazy poses that piss the photographers off on purpose. it always cracks me up how one of his first appearances in the manga is him being muzzled and restrained in a straitjacket inside blue lock's time-out zone. he's so chaotic. you would have to hold him down and shove the camera into his face to actually get a good shot. i also picture him wearing lots of black leather, maybe even silver jewelry (eg. studs, piercings). and of course, you can't forget the hot pink accents.

isagi would model for family-friendly brands. if not that, then just japanese brands in general. i imagine him doing skincare commercials for shiseido or maybe even participating in a campaign for UNIQLO. as for modeling, he would be awkward at first but then gradually get the hang of it. always thanks the team afterwards and is very mindful of the photographer's suggestions. everyone says he is a pleasure to work with.

rin would model for luxury watch brands like TAG heuer or IWC. maybe when he grows older and further develops his career, he might even become an ambassador for louis vuitton or bulgari. overall, his advertisements are very elegant and professional. only endorses high quality products. never looks at the shots afterwards because he hates looking at his own face. gets somewhat embarrassed when his mama points out his billboards and makes clippings of his magazine covers. he absolutely flipped when a brand suggested that he do a collaboration with his brother. so when this collaboration actually did take place, it was like a repeat of the whole messi-ronaldo photoshoot. they didn't actually meet on set. they were just photoshopped together into the same frame.

barou models for calvin klein. lots of denim and shirtless photos. all of the staff got nosebleeds, and his fanbase went wild when the issue was finally released. there's this one image his fans worship religiously where he's posing in his boxers and there's a clear shot of his abs and happy trail. (he's so hot wtf) there's also another shot that wasn't used cus a million people would've been deceased. he's standing there with his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans and wearing nothing underneath his denim jacket. his hair is also down, and his skin is all sun-kissed and golden.

reo models streetwear, and this is canon because he has the drip. honestly, his duality needs to be studied because he can go from high class gentleman to bad boy who wears chains and knuckle rings. he'd try all different sorts of styles, and he'd look good doing it. out of all the bllk boys, i feel like reo gets the most sponsorship deals because of his versatility. he does the styling, hair, makeup, posing, editing, etc. honestly, they need to hire him as a creative director already. nagi would tag along behind the scenes, but he'd end up scrolling on his phone the entire day.

[tobacconist]

Okay like i actually feel so guilty and this isnt even a joke. i dont know how to say this without sounding insane but yes; wizards are real. i am one of them. no, i havent been to hogwarts. yes, i do have a wand. no, i won't show it to you. etc, etc. genuinely this weighs heavy on my soul. ive talked about this before but i feel like its important for me to write this out once again. j confess it: j was party to them what put that curse on jk rowling. (iykyk) like, bitch, im actually so sorry. it was never meant to go this far. i mean i never meant for... well, i dont think any of us did (originally) but now we are where we are, and theres no turning back. not now.

basically, there was a big uproar in the wizarding community after that play 'the cursed child' came out. idk, i never saw it. you see, jk rowling didnt actually 'write' the harry potter series. she 'wrote' it, but it was not actually 'wrought' by her, like... to put it bluntly, the original was all based off of real events (albeit with significant alterations) and ,madame, was the one chosen to write the 'muggle-redacted' version, because she has (distant) wizard ancestry. she herself is completely unaware of this. well then, anyway, then there was the fantastic beasts saga; and, like, we were ALL pissed off. even the muggles sensed that something wasnt right. it wasnt 'magical'. it was a disgrace. so... yeah... we did it. we... uh... put that powder on her doorstep, so to speak. we crossed some bones. it was actually nothing to do with transness at all to begin with, it was about some political shit to do with the labour party and jeremy corbyn? or something like that? idk, were not supposed to vote and be political, we have our own kings and queens. anyway yeah we were just sore about how we were portrayed in it and especially how she distorted the whole plotline about grindelwald and harrys children. like bitch, if youre listening, tell me: WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE 'THE FOUR MARAUDERS' LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!? OR 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE' OR 'HOGWARTS A HISTORY'? or ANYTHING ELSE! it could have all been so different... 'fantastic beasts'??? sorry what??? it was genuinely like smearing dogshite upon our screens. im sorry love, but were still right angry about it. we loved you... how... how could you? 'newt scamander' - who is this fellow? we have never heard of him. oh, what? did you feel some tingle of inspiration? some new character, who loves magical creatures. he was expelled from hogwarts... fond relationship with dumbledore... THATS HAGRID! THATS THE YOUNG HAGRID! FUCK! anyway yeah, i didnt watch any of the other ones cus it was just embarrassing to see johnny depp dressed up like that.

and ofcourse there was all the other stuff before that (dont forget to be awesome!) but basically we cast a spell, several spells, and sent evil fortunes to be upon her. i regret it deeply. but by gum was the woman strong! i beg you all to realise that she literally was not transphobic until we caused this incessant stream of abuse to be directed towards her. like, we literally did this to her. on purpose. it was a targeted campaign of psychic harassment and manipulation that we have put her through for YEARS, and its only a few months ago that she truly started to crack. weve all since disbanded, because covens never stay together very long; thats why hogwarts is only a dream - but the spells have been spoken and the weird it is weft, and it would be a strong hand that would unweave them. that is to say - it is ongoing, and i am so sorry sorry sorry sorry

and for the record :- transexuality/homosexuality/genderqueerness/goatfucking is literally not an issue in wizard society we literally have potions that can change your gender in an instant or turn it back again, most of us have non-human ancestry, and we regularly trade our sperm and eggs with other species such as elves and the chinese. so there.

[bisexualoftheopera]

Movies/Series to watch with the Obey me! Boys on date nights

Lucifer:

Probably a comedy, he needs a good laugh and to relax after a long day. I suggest Brooklyn Nine Nine for a series (Jake reminds him of a certain white haired scumbag) or, for a movie, Rango (the comedic genius of Johnny Depp and the fact that a lizard is doing all this because he got lost)

Mammon:

A romance or a action comedy. I feel like he'd enjoy Glass Onion: a knives out mystery (especially the end scenes) or Red Notice (he'd enjoy the story and the action and the comedic moments)

Levi:

Hard to imagine what he'd like, I'm 100% sure he'd like way of the househusband tho. Maybe he'd get into marvel and binge all of those movies (I feel like he'd like Tony a lot and maybe Peter Quill too?)

Satan:

I don't know why but I definitely see him liking baking impossible (the combo of engineering and baking? He'd want to see everything) or liking iZombie (zombie solves people's deaths by gaining their memories from eating their brains? Cool!) I see him watching Love and Monsters and snuggling you, thinking about what he'd do if that happened

Asmo:

Definitely watching next in fashion together or glow up. I feel like he'd watch horror movies just to hold you close but if it's a psychological horror then you're the one holding him. I see him watching the school for good and evil as well. I do think he'd enjoy Shadowhunters as well, Magnus would be his favorite.

Beel:

He would watch anything with you honestly. I do see him really enjoying the Johnny English movies and watching them with you and Belphie. A nice comedy is good but let's add some variety to it. A good romcom, maybe an action comedy or a horror comedy. No tearjerker movies though, he'd get so upset if the love interests don't get together or one dies.

Belphie: (the inaccuracies part in this only applies to the devildom and the game not actual inaccuracies in the movie and/or actual religion)

If you do get him to stay awake for a movie or even an episode, he would be the worst movie buddy (always talking, guessing what happens next and spoiling it if he's already seen it) but he'd love mystery stuff, they keep him on edge and he can't fall asleep until he knows what happens. He'd love Glass Onion as well and enjoy Constantine a lot (the inaccuracies in it slightly ticks him off because hello? Mammon is not Lucifer's son?? What???)

[shanicetjn]

In what order is ur fav Willy wonky?

Omg Kit- You can't just put me on the spot like that!! /light-hearted

If I really HAVE to choose from the films, it'll have to be Timothée Wonka - Johnny Wonka - Gene Wonka.

Info-dump below:

I grew up watching and getting obsessed with Willy Wonka through Johnny Depp from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005). I literally have watched that movie at LEAST 60 times and it's one of my favourite favourite films ever!

(I might be the ONLY one having this opinion but-) That film is the most magical thing I have ever seen as a kid and Mr. Wonka is just the most relatable person to me. Also, how can you not love THIS face:

That later introduced me to the book by Roald Dahl that the movie is based off of which I read religiously. I never knew about Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) until I started seeing the memes!

Fast forward to recent times- To the Wonka (2023) trailer that dropped last June..I initially thought it was a joke because I just could NOT believe they would still make Wonka stuff let alone a film. But no, it was real (and I watched the trailer a good 20 times).

Went to the cinema TWICE because I was so absolutely blown-away by Timothée Chalamet...It felt like I was transported back to my childhood and all that whimsy came back to me at full blast.

He's so beautifully interpreted...EXACTLY how I imagined younger Willy to be like. Literally reignited my love for Mr. Wonka of 20 years! And the most important thing to me? It's so absolutely surreal to see a Willy Wonka that is the same age as me.

After that, I finally got to watch Gene Wonka twice in the last 2 months after knowing about it for idk-how-many years. AND I love him so so much too..??

He's totally different to Johnny Wonka yeah but once again- What's not to love about and relate to an unhinged chocolate man that has murderous tendencies? >:3c

It was so fun to catch all the little details / references they put in the Wonka (2023) film from that movie! Also, it makes the transition from Timothée Wonka to Gene Wonka all the more tragic.

Sorry for such a long post and info-dumping but I just really wanna talk about him and the amount of joy Mr. Wonka has given to me over the years!

Willy Wonka never steals but he has certainly stolen my heart. ♥

[oldinterneticons]

Do you care about trans people? The amount of HP stuff you've posted just this year has started to make me think otherwise so I'd like to ask if you're simply unaware or if you don't agree with the many people who want it to fade out of culture

Hmm I wondered if this would come up eventually.

No, I don't endorse or agree with JK Rowling's stance on trans people and I support the LGBTQ+ community. I'm aware of the controversy but I don't keep up with the latest details of it.

My goal with this blog is just to present these graphics like a time capsule of the era in which they were made. Like I said about Pirates of the Caribbean when people were upset about seeing Johnny Depp here last year, it’s hard to grasp how massive and much a part of internet culture Harry Potter was if you weren’t there to see it first-hand when the books and movies were coming out. I can tell you that especially in fandom spaces, there was a hell of a lot more Harry Potter than I ever post.

Lots of these icons include questionable people and media. That’s what the 2000s were like - someone said previously in a comment, it was a lot less sanitized than the aesthetic Invader Zim glitter graphics nostalgic version. That's how any era will look in retrospect. I don't do much censorship of topics here other than things that go against Tumblr rules. If I did, you wouldn't see all the punk pop bands whose members have later been exposed for unsavoury acts here.

As far as Harry Potter goes, I have a LOT of HP icons collected because, as I said, that's how it was and I just save whatever I find or get linked to. My method for running this blog is randomizing the file names of the images in my icons folder as a string of numbers and letters and loading the queue in whatever order they come up, and honestly, I often weed out some of the Harry Potter (and Twilight, and Naruto, and My Chemical Romance, and other super popular topics of the era) themed ones that come up in the folder just because there are so many of them. So believe it or not, I have way more of that theme of icon than I ever post. I do purposely steer clear of ones focusing on JK Rowling alone rather than the franchise (though haven't found too many of those).

I would be curious to hear what others think, though.

[pjharvey-moved]

i genuinely want to kill johnny depp with my bare hands and also every man on social media continuing to support him/harass amber heard. i don’t care what the consequences would be. i know there are murderers and war criminals in the world and stuff like that but i genuinely think that man deserves to die for putting amber through all of that i don’t think anything else would be good enough 🙂

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

Hi, Amber anon here ! Yes JB is a D3pp supporter, although they seem to have forgotten all that to focus on Taylor. There's tons of stuff in their Amber and J0hnny tags though :/

https://www.tumblr.com/jewishbarbies/tagged/Johnny%20Depp

https://www.tumblr.com/jewishbarbies/tagged/anti%20Amber%20Heard

lmk if you want to be known by an emoji!! for now i’ll be tagging you as ‘amber anon’

jewishbarbies is disgusting and that tracks with her ridiculous zionism. anyone who supports depp is an abuse apologist and failed to support a dv victim. his insane humiliation campaign was psychologically abusive and he abused his wealth/fame to drive the national smear (this isn’t a strong enough to describe what he did to her) campaign against her. i hate him.

everyone who supported depp that i know is a raging misogynist. idc how much you say you support abuse survivors, amber heard was a litmus test and not supporting her means you’re an abuser apologist.

jewishbarbies — what a horrible human being. im so glad i blocked her after october 7th when i saw her ask equating hamas to innocent palestinians. but she also believes in a two state solution and i don’t, it’s #freepalestine until i die over here.

[writing-till-i-am-dead]

Laigan oneshot - Date night

Recommended by Only_Stxr on AO3 <3

When Logan and Aiden had started dating, no one expected it. The two didn’t really hang out or talk to specifically just each other when they were all as a group. 

However, as it turns out, the two have been texting a lot. Even calling, something Logan is terrified to do. 

Calling wasn’t so scary with Aiden, though. They like to face time and Aiden just rambles while Logan does some studying. It’s nice. 

“And that’s why banana candy doesn’t taste like actual bananas!” Aiden said, concluding a hyperspecific topic he knows a strange amount of details on. 

“Interesting! Didn’t know you knew so much about horticulture. Maybe you should work for my grandparents.”

“If I could see more of you, sure!”

Logan went quiet. 

“Logan, are you flustered again?”

“Um… s-so, how’s your homework going?”

“Finished it all already.”

Logan chuckled. “Where do you get the time?”

“Magic.”

“Ha..”

The two go silent for a moment, only filled by the writing of Logan’s fountain pen.

“So, Starshine, are you busy tomorrow?”

Logan snorted at the nickname. Aiden had started calling him that when they watched the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The name just kind of stuck. 

“Tomorrow? Um.. I’m working at my grandparents’ shop from 11-4. Why?”

“I wanna have a date!”

Logan jolted from his desk so fast that papers fell. “A date?”

“Ya! A proper one! We haven’t gotten to do that yet.”

“I…” He fiddled with the strings of his pajama pants. “Where would we go..?”

“The amusement park I was thinking!”

“Oh.. like.. rollercoasters, or..?”

“YEA!”

“Oh..”

“Don’t worry. I’ll let you hold my hand so you won’t get scared.”

“Aha.. all right. As long as we go on the ferris wheel.”

“Of course!”

There was a pause before Aiden speaks. 

“So, I’ll see you at 4:30 tomorrow?”

“Ya. I’ll see you.”

“Prepare to have lots of toys won for you!”

“Aiden, my stuffed animal collection is already huge!” Logan said, laughing. 

“Well, tell them to prepare for some new friends.”

He snorted. “Good night Aiden. I’ll see you in the phantom world.”

“Hardly,” he whined. “Too busy fighting and stuff.”

“Go to sleep.”

“Fine.”

Logan hung up because he knew that if he waited for Aiden to do it, they’d be on the phone for another 10 hours. 

Aiden was definitely right about them not getting to hang out in the phantom world. But that’s not too surprising. It’s always like this. Aiden usually has to do checkups on the base and Logan has to do patrols. 

“So, you and Logan are dating?” Taylor asks, walking with Aiden. 

“Yep! 3 weeks and 4 days!”

“That’s so cute! I had no idea you guys liked each other!”

“Well, yknow, Logan’s pretty shy and I’m respectful enough to not embarrass him.”

“Aww. You can be sweet when you want to, Aiden.”

“I’m always sweet!”

The two continued with their jobs and eventually the next day came. Logan was up bright and early like he always was. Went on his morning walk, feeding the neighborhood cats, making breakfast for his grandparents, and getting ready for his work. His normal morning routine. 

Aiden was awake ever since he woke from the phantom world. He rarely ever falls back asleep after that. He played Minecraft until the sun came through. Ben had walked in on him and gave him a concerned look before bringing him to the living room to have him do morning stretches with him. Ben did these every morning. Then Aiden ate the sugariest cereal ever to get his day started and debated opening a Red Bull, but decided not to yet. 

Then he spent the rest of his day being stuck in waiting mode. That’s his struggle. Everytime he’s doing something later in the day, he has trouble doing anything else. All he can do is really stare at the clock. 5 minutes feel like 5 hours and it’s like being stuck in limbo. 

He tried to pass the time by playing GTA and Call of Duty, but he still checked the clock every 10 minutes. 

Finally, it got to 4:00. He changed out of his pajamas, which he had been wearing all day, into a black t shirt, jeans, converse, and a hoodie.

“Hey, Ben, I’m going to be heading out!” Aiden said as he started walking to the door. 

Ben got up and stopped him. 

“Huh? What?” Aiden looked confused, tilting his head.

Ben pulled out a box of chocolates and then handed Aiden a note. 

At least give your date a gift. 

Aiden laughed, taking them. “I was going to win him tons of prizes.. but, chocolates aren’t a bad idea. Thanks, Ben.”

He then started walking to the amusement park. One of the perks from moving from the city to a small town? You can walk everywhere. And enjoy the scenery too! Lots of trees and grass. Neighbors already had Halloween decorations hung up. It was cool to see it all. It wasn’t something he was used to. 

He finally reached the amusement park and there he saw Logan in the front. He was wearing a cobalt blue sweater that made him look so huggable. Then again, Logan always looked huggable. And the best part is that Logan lets him hug him!

So, the first thing he did was wrap his arms around him, startling Logan who had not seen Aiden. 

“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” he said, grasping at his heart. 

“Hey to you too, Starshine!”

Logan shook his head and stopped shaking from the scare. “I got you your ticket,” he said, handing it to Aiden. 

“Thanks! And I got you chocolate!”

“Oh.. thanks.”

“What? What’s the face?”

“Just.. wasn’t expecting it. Now I feel bad. I didn’t get you anything.”

“You gave me your presence. That’s good enough.”

The two grasped hands and went in. 

“Oh wow.. it absolutely packed,” Logan said, trying to sound like he’s joking but his voice is still very tense.

“Ya, no kidding. Cmon, let’s look for the shortest line!”

“Ah, w-wait!”

Aiden dragged Logan off to explore the fairgrounds. 

“C-can we stop running?” Logan exclaimed. 

“Huh?” Aiden came to a sudden halt; causing Logan to crash into him, the two nearly falling. 

“Sorry!” Aiden said, laughing his ass off as he smooshed Logan’s face with his hands. “You’re not hurt, right?”

“No.. I’m fine,” Logan says awkwardly. 

“Kay!”

He glances over and see a booth selling some AWESOME stuffed animals. Huge, fluffy ones. 

“Oh. My. Gosh. Logan, I’m gonna win you that prize!” 

Logan follows his finger and sees him pointing toward a giant shark stuffed animal. It was actually kind of perfect. It was really derpy looking. Plus, Aiden and Logan have both been hyperfixating on ocean life recently, going in long rambles about what they had learned and theories about the deep. 

“Um.. ok,” Logan said, smiling excitedly as he followed Aiden to the booth. 

They stood in line for a couple of minutes, during those minutes, Aiden did cool hand tricks, like clasping his hands, bringing his middle fingers downs, and twisting his hands. Logan laughed. It was such a simple trick, yet Aiden’s face was so silly as he did it that he couldn’t help but find it hilarious. Aiden always managed to make things really funny. 

Finally, it was their turn. Aiden slapped a dollar onto the table and picked up the water gun. “Ok, lemme just..” Aiden took a moment to finally aim and shot the water into the clown’s mouth, the balloon slowly filling up. But Aiden’s hands had trouble staying still, causing him to get off track and eventually he ran out of time. 

“Huh?! No!! Let me try again!”

Aiden tried at least 3 more times, failing those as well. 

“Nooooo!!!”

“Sir,” said the man at the booth. “Please hurry up and give someone else a turn.”

“Nooooo!”

Logan smiles nervously and places a dollar on the stand. “May I try?”

The man shrugs. “Go on ahead, kid.”

Logan picks up the water gun and closes one eye as he aims. Once he finds the perfect position, his muscles completely locked together, the only thing that moved was when his finger pulled the trigger, the water shooting straight forward, not moving at all. 

The balloon popped right before the alarm. 

“Hey, good job,” said the man.  “Which prize do you want?”

“I’ll take the shark.”

Once Logan was handed the shark, he turned to Aiden, smiling. Aiden’s jaw was on the floor and blushing like an idiot. “I.. always forget how good an aim you are,” Aiden says after composing himself, taking the shark and burying his face into it. “So soft!!”

Logan laughs. “Where do you wanna go now?”

Aiden’s eyes shone and he smiled mischievously. “Roller. Coaster.”

“Oh dear.”

“It’s ok! I’ll make sure you can stay safe and sound!”

“That’s.. not exactly the point.”

“Haha, cmon!!”

The two got in line for a rollercoaster that was called the FUCK YOU IF YOU’RE SCARED OF ROLLERCOASTERS, BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T RIDE THIS ONE, YOU’RE LAME AS HELL. 

The name of it definitely made Logan not feel great about himself. 

“Uh, sir, you can’t go on with such a big stuffed animal,” said the ride operator. 

Aiden hissed, actually hissed, which made Logan snort, and pressed the shark to his chest. 

“It goes where I go.”

“Well.. since it’s the size of a human, you and your buddy will have to go in two different seats.”

“H-huh?!” they both exclaimed. 

The ride operator shrugged and Aiden hesitated before reluctantly handing it to her. “Guard it with your life,” he said in a threatening tone, which actually managed to freak the operator out a little. 

The two got in their seat, Logan shaking and grabbing Aiden’s arm. 

“This is going to be so fun!” Aiden said at the same time as Logan said, “This is going to be terrifying!”

The speaker went over some rules to stay safe on the ride, then there was a count down, then started to slowly move. 

Logan began breathing fast, shaking uncontrollably. Fuck. He’s literally fought against demonic-like creatures. Why is this affecting him so bad?

He felt Aiden squeeze his hand. “It’ll be ok, Starshine,” he says before giving him a big, toothy smile. 

Logan squeezed Aiden’s hand so hard, Aiden was sure he would have some broken bones. 

Finally, they reached the peak. Logan sucked in a sharp breath and screamed as they dove down at top speeds. 

Aiden was whooping and cheering and laughing, throwing his hands into the air while still holding Logan’s hand. 

The wind was overwhelming and Logan used his other hand to keep his glasses in place. Fuck, he should’ve taken them off before getting on!

Once the ride came to a stop, Aiden was laughing and kicking his legs giddily. “Oh my gosh, that was awesome!!”

He hopped off and helped Logan get off; who was shaking like a leaf. “You ok, Lo?” he asks, laughing, concerned. 

“You owe me a Ferris wheel ride..” he grumbles, looking down and trying not to throw up. 

“Haha! Yes, I do. Cmon. Let’s go get something to eat, first.”

“Hnghhh…”

Aiden retrieved his shark and they went over to the food court. 

“Oh, it all smells so good!”

“Hmmmm…” Logan whimpers slightly, the idea of eating sounds awful. 

“You good?”

“I just need to.. sit down..”

“Right..” They sat down at a bench, Aiden rubbing Logan’s back while Logan had his face buried in his hands. 

“You feeling any better?” Aiden asks. 

Logan shakes his head, his face buried in the stuffed animal.

Aiden nearly frowned, but stopped himself. “Wait here.”

He got up and quickly ran to a booth. It was just a ball throw to knock over some cans. Easy as hell. “Um, here,” Aiden says, putting some money on the stands. He won with ease, knocking over every can. 

“I want that toy,” Aiden says. 

As he walked off, he also stopped to grab a water. 

When he comes back, he spots Logan. 

“Hey, Starshine..”

“Hm?” Logan looked up. Aiden handed him a water, which he quickly downed. 

“I also got you this.” He held up the stuffed down. A star with a pair of sunglasses on. 

“Pffft.. silly,” Logan says, taking the toy and squeezing it. 

“Does it make you feel better?”

“I think the water is making me feel better.”

“Aaaand the toy?”

He snorted. “And the toy.”

Aiden ruffles Logan’s hair and Logan finally starts to feel better. “Let’s go on the Ferris wheel,” he says, standing up. 

Aiden takes the shark plushie and nods. “Kay!”

They walked through the fair grounds and got in line. 

“I think our stuffed toys are dating,” Aiden says confidently. “They are super in love.”

“They don’t even have names, Aiden.”

“Ok.. mine is… CHAZ!”

“Chaz the shark? All right. And I’ll name mine.. Spock!”

Aiden laughs. “Of course.”

Finally it was their turn. Aiden decided that one side of the Ferris wheel, the stuffed animals could have that bench. 

“Like they’re on a date!”

Logan ducks his head and smiles a little. “You’re just doing that so we can sit on the same bench, aren’t you?”

“Haha.. I am not slick, huh?”

“Not really,” he says, laughing. 

The two sat next to each other, Aiden hugging Logan tightly. Logan rests in the hug for a moment before twisting a little to look out the window. 

“Not many stars..” he murmurs. “Curse you light pollution..”

Aiden also looks out the window. He notices Logan’s disappointment. “Is that why you wanted to go in the Ferris wheel? To star gaze?”

“Maybe.. it sounded romantic.”

“Hmmm…” Aiden rests his chin on Logan’s shoulder, looking out the window on his side before turning to look out his own. By the lights from the fair were too bright. He squints, trying his best to find something before jumping up. “Logan! Logan!”

“Huh?”

Logan turns and looks at the sky through Aiden’s window. 

“I don’t see anything..”

“A shooting star!!”

Logan squints and then spots it before smiling. “That’s.. a plane, Aiden.”

“Oh..” Aiden looks down, smiling but clearly embarrassed. 

Logan leans in and kisses his temple. 

“Nice try, though.”

“O-oh!” Aiden exclaims, not expecting the kiss. “That was..” He rubs the spot. “A very welcome surprise.”

Logan smiles shyly and the two grasp hands. Logan liked how Aiden could be so casual sometimes. He knew that Aiden was probably screaming on the inside, but he was able to remain somewhat level headed for Logan’s sake.. somewhat. Logan could feel Aiden shaking from buried excitement. 

“Hey.. Aiden. Wanna come to my place?”

“Huh?”

“We can watch Interstellar! I’ve been wanting to get you to watch it.”

“Ya, sure! I’d love to.. wow.. it’ll be the first time we’ll be hanging out at one of our places alone. Excitinggggg!” he says, shaking Logan by the shoulder. 

The ride comes to an end and they grabbed their stuffed animals and stepped off. “The air has really cooled off,” Logan said, shivering slightly. “Guess it is that time of year. Should’ve worn a thicker sweater.”

“I have been waiting my whole life for this.”

“Huh?” Logan turns to Aiden to ask what he was talking about but his eyes widened when he saw him removing his hoodie. 

“What are you doing?! You’re gonna catch a cold!”

“I’m durable, remember?”

“Aiden, seriously. I’ll be fine.”

Aiden shakes his head and puts it on Logan. “There we go.”

“Are you not cold?”

“Lo, I’m like a heater. It’s a Clark family trait. I’ll be fine.”

“Fine.. at least hold my hand to keep those warm.”

“Ohhh, that was smooth,” Aiden says, taking Logan’s hand. 

“I wasn’t even trying to be smooth.. I guess I just got lucky.”

The two grasp hands and began to walk to Logan’s place. 

“Hey.. Lo.”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for dating me.”

“Um… y-you’re welcome?”

“I really mean it! I didn’t realize I was so into nerdy guys! You’ve opened my eyes!”

Logan snorts and shoves his shoulder into Aiden’s. “Stoppppp.”

They look at the Halloween decorations of the neighboring houses. 

“What’ll you dress as for Halloween?” Aiden asks. 

“Probably Spock..”

“You and Star Trek.”

“What’ll you be?”

“I was thinking of dressing as a phantom.”

“Seriously?! Why?”

“I think it’s a total power move.”

“Oooof course.”

When they reached Logan’s house, Logan put a finger to his mouth. “Be sure to just be as quiet as you can. My grandparents like to go to bed early.”

“Kay.” But they both knew Aiden probably would shout at least 10 times during the movie. He has no volume control. 

The two entered Logan’s room and Aiden was awestruck. Fairy lights, star stickers, a huge bed covered in blankets, stuffed animals, and pillows, posters covering the walls and a whole glass jar filled with fancy pens (Logan likes collecting fancy pens). 

“This is the greatest room I have ever seen in my life.”

Logan laughs and grabs his laptop. He sits on the bed and pauses for a moment. “Wait.. are we going to cuddle?”

Aiden tilts his head and chuckles. “Ummm.. I thought that was the plan?”

“I-I didn’t even think about it! I just wanted to watch the movie and unwind!”

“Do you not want to cuddle?” Aiden asked, failing to hide his disappointment. Physical touch is his love language. 

“Yes? No? I-I don’t.. I-“

Aiden cut him off by plopping himself on top of him, knocking the wind out of him. 

“Took too long to answer,” he declares. 

Logan freezes for a moment before realizing just how warm Aiden was. “You really are like a heater!”

“Told ya!”

Logan manages to loosen up a little, pulling the movie up and the two wrapping up in the blankets. Aiden was a total blanket hog, but Logan had tons of blankets, so it worked out. 

Aiden was talking through the whole movie, which made Logan a bit sad. 

He’s not interested in it.. he thought. 

But then Aiden started making comments and theories on the movie, damn near getting the entire ending right. 

“Are you.. enjoying the movie?” Logan asks. 

“Huh? Ya! It’s cool!!”

“Ok… cool.”

Once the movie concluded, Logan found himself crying. He always cried when watching this movie. Aiden was hugging the shark plushie and looked at the star stickers on the ceiling. “Cool movie! ….What now?”

“Um.. do you wanna watch Star Trek: Next Generation..? We don’t have to! I know I you probably don’t wanna watch any more of my nerd space stuff, but-“

“I wanna watch it.”

“…ok.. cool..”

They turned on the show and Logan finally was relaxed enough to lean back. The entirety through the movie, he had been sitting up. But he’s starting to feel fine now. Loose. 

While an episode was running, Logan turns his head to Aiden. “Hm.. your eye bags.. they’re pretty heavy..” he notes. “Do you sleep?”

“Uhhh.. ya? All the time. How else do I get to the phantom world?”

“You know that doesn’t count.. besides that.”

“Um… nooooooo….”

Logan pouts a little. Aiden’s never seen him pout. 

“Take them out.”

“Huh?”

“Your contacts. Take them out.”

“What? Why?”

“You’re going to sleep early.”

“Whaaaaaat?”

“Do it.”

Aiden hesitates before relenting. It was hard to say no when Logan was so serious and stern. He took them out and he had to squint at the screen to see it. 

Logan closes the laptop and rests his head against Aiden’s chest, his glasses smooshing against him. 

“Aren’t you going to take your glasses off?” Aiden asks smugly. 

“Hm.. right.. I always forget.”

“Hypocrite,” he says playfully. 

Logan places them on his nightstand. Aiden wrapped his arms around him, the two shifting a bit to get comfortable in the blankets because there were just so many. 

Once they finally got comfortable, Aiden started doing this weird thing where we rubbed his legs together like a grasshopper. 

“What’re you doing?” Logan asks quietly, chuckling. 

“It’s comfy!”

He shrugs. “If you say so. I just think it’s because you can’t sit still.”

“That too.”

Aiden buries his face into Logan’s hair, relaxing a bit. He actually started to get tired. Heavy eyelids, yawning, brain becoming static, everything. And everything is soft, and warm, and nice. And not.. lonely. Not a screen buzzing in his face and a cold empty room. 

He wasn’t alone.. and that was the last thought he had before he actually fell asleep… He fell asleep. 

[lokisgoodgirl]

My dear. Unrelated to love notes but about Loki and the series I'm writing. It involves swords. I need assistance picking a type of sword that should be featured

In this photo, I'm digging the look of the long sword and the claymore.

However from this link, im loving the Crusaders sword and the Henry V sword.

Help. Please 🥺🥺

Hey love! Firstly, it took me like a week to reply to this...I started thinking about it too hard and then overthought it 😂

I'm gonna share some sword-insights from my personal experience. Each of these has different roles, and hopefully this helps you decide which is right for your scenario. i should say, shouldn't obscure your creative vision. If it works for you - go for it! Apologies for the word vomit, I just really like swords.

Longsword (and Claymore, which is basically a meaty scottish longsword but bigger) is a two handed weapon, designed for solitary, powerful strikes. As it's two handed, the force comes very much from the upper body, with a low amount of movement with the legs. It's very 'purposeful' - ideal for big swings, and big energy one-to-one on the battlefield.

This isn't to say a master couldn't use it one-handed, but it's too long and unwieldly to be sustainable. (See: Aragorn, LOTR.)

Crusader Sword - from the link you sent, I'd describe this as a type of broadsword based on the lengths (approx 35 inch blade). The Crusader name is essentially a design.

A broadsword is a good mid-size sword (and the one I currently train in, coincidentally) and allows much more flexibility and nimble attacks and defences. It's a one-handed sword, meaning that all attacks and defences are, duh, from one hand. The other arm is used for balance, or whatever. Most of the power comes from the arm holding the sword, and the wrists, as well as footwork. It can be carried on the hip, although maybe a bit cumbersome. (see Johnny Depp below - different hilt, same mechanics)

Shortsword - my wildcard suggestion if the two options you mentioned don't quite fit. The shortsword is a funny one, it's not the cool sword, but it IS probably the most useful. The nerd sword, if you will.

The shortsword is a short blade, natch - which offers max flexibility and response in a fight situation. It's all in the footwork, and the power behind the thrusts - because it's pretty light so YOU need to strike harder.

It's designed for close combat, including easy blocks and counters. Defo an indoor use sword, when you need to stab someone in the ribs and be done with it.

Because of the typical length (12-24 inches) it can be used as a single blade, or dual blades. Something you can't do with a broadsword cos you'd end up slicing yourself. You do need to know what you're doing with it though, as strikes won't land unless you hit the right place. It's all about the technique with this one, rather than a solitary killer blow like Longsword. (reference: Loki)

It also works well with a leather back holster. Just sayin.

I hope this answers your questions :) Lemme know if you have any other burning blade related queries😂⚔️

@gigglingtiggerv2 @lovelysizzlingbluebird @fictive-sl0th @peachyjinx @holdmytesseract @mochie85 @simplyholl know you like this stuff

[joannerowling]

is it true that Rowling sent flowers to marilyn Manson? 💀

Unknown/unclear. Manson tweeted once "thank you for the lovely gift JKR" with a picture of roses that doesn't seem to have been taken from the internet, however JKR never acknowledged it, which is out of character.

Since your angle is obvious here, let me disappoint you: i'm perfectly knowledgeable about the topic of JKR's supposed "friendships" with Johnny Depp and his clique, and comfortable discussing it. In fact, here's a reddit thread written by someone who is anti-JKR, which i'm linking so that anyone not knowledgeable can learn the basics (it's factual enough, though not always honest in providing all context), and so nobody can accuse me of ignoring the subject out of misplaced idolatry.

TRAs seeking to undermine JKR's character through any mean available have attempted the "oooo, JKR the so-called women-defender is actually friend with abusive men!!" route a few times. It's failed to gain much popularity, even amongst themselves, because there's just not much meat to it. (Which, considering that most attacks against JKR rely on making stuff up about Harry Potter that she never wrote, is saying a lot i feel.)

JKR's connexions with Depp amount to buying stuff from him. No picture of them hanging out, no known exchanges besides saying they admired each other's work. Vague hearsay from untrustworthy sources - one of the things the above reddit thread fails to contextualise is who Dan Wootton, the guy who accused JKR of being too close to Depp and refusing to fire him from FB, exactly is (hint: not a trustworthy guy). I'm pretty sure Wootton is a blueprint for Culpepper in the Strike novels, if you get the reference.

The only thing confirmed is that JKR initially believed Depp's word against Heard's. I feel like she is a pretty good judge of character in general, but eh, no one is immune to a famous actor's charms. The fact she hasn't come to defend Depp during his latest trial suggests she may have changed her mind – she hasn't exactly shied away from defending unpopular people when she felt strongly enough about their innocence. But, she didn't feel strongly enough about defending Heard either. Maybe at this point she feared she would do more harm than good; maybe she still supports Depp privately; maybe she's too proud to admit to have been wrong. Maybe she just doesn't like Heard and didn't want to support her! Who knows.

What i know for sure is that JKR pours like half of her money into charity work to help women and kids. She makes her positions on abusive men clear, both in public and in her fiction, so you can't even accuse her of influencing anyone into supporting them. Even if i didn't like JKR, i really fail to see what could possibly be the problem here. I feel like people just NEED women to be secretly wicked witches who manipulate everyone into believing they're good-hearted when in fact at night they're evilly cackling at the suffering of babes. It's misogyny my dude, that's it.

Edit: on second thoughts this was an insane reply but i STAND BY IT

[adarkrainbow]

Spooky season fairytales (5)

We have looked at movies (or additional material) exploring individual fairytales that could fit the spooky season. For the candy and the witchy, we looked at Hansel and Gretel. For the apples and the disguises, Snow White. For the monsters and horror, Little Red Riding Hood. But now let's take a look at those stories that are definitively dark, spooky, horrifying stories... But that use several fairytales together at once.

Let's start with...

Terry Gilliam's The Brothers Grimm.

Aka probably the most disturbing fairytale movie you will have ever seen. And not even fully disturbing on purpose... I mean, there are many moments intended to be disturbing, but there's just as many that were disturbing by accident. But this movie marked an entire generation and gave nightmares to many, many people. Be ready... for disturbing stuff.

The plot of the story is quite simple to explain, but it hides deeper things. The story is basically an alternative history exploring a different incarnation of the brothers Grimm, now poor crooks trying to make a life in a Germany ravaged by the Napoleonian wars by being fake "ghost/witch/goblin" hunters, using their folkloric knowledge to play on the terror of villagers. It all backfires on them, however, when the French authorities send them to "investigate" a problem of missing girls in a remote village - a series of mysterious disappearances the villagers explain with a bunch of superstitions and folktales. The two brothers will then discover that some fairytales are real, and evil lurks within the woods...

Now, there is ONE thing, one VERY important thing to know to understand the nature of this movie. This movie was the result of a sterile and useless war that disappointed everyone - and this is why you have in effect a movie that could have been great, but is just... okay, alright, with some very good, some very bad... and a LOT of disturbingness. This movie is a Terry Gilliam product, a Terry Gilliam fantasy film, and if you know his other works, you'll recognize his brand. His exploration of the themes of dreams, belief, escapism, hope in front of corruption, despair, the death of the imagination and tyranny ; his style of oniric, surrealistic fantasy superposing creepy and dark creatures with extravagant and comical characters resulting in disturbing comedy and absurd horror and unsettling wonders. We are talking of the man behind Brazil, The Adventures of Baron Munchaunsen, Time Badits, The Zero Theorem, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, etc etc... And this movie still bears the mark of his imagination, mind and style, and you can see how he twisted fairytales into a horrifying nightmare. But it is only half of a Gilliam film.

Because the other half was the result of another man imposing with brute power, a lot of anger, and a lot of money, his own ideas upon the piece. Bob Weinstein, yes, of the Weinstein brothers. He was a producer of the movie, and the kind of producer that was going to direct, write and do everything with the movie. Weinstein's idea of the piece was basically what would later be known as "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters". This movie was that Weinstein wanted "The Brothers Grimm" to be. While Gilliam wanted a movie in line with his "Time Bandits", his "Brazil", his "Fisher King" and... well his Gilliam brand. But Weinstein wanted more action, more battle scenes, only big-name actors, he wanted all the women to be sexy... Heck, Bob Weinstein refused to have Gilliam's choice of Johnny Depp playing William Grimm, because he wasn't "commercial" enough, and when he was replaced by Matt Damon, Gilliam wanted Damon to wear a prosthetic nose so he looked more like the historical Grimm, only for Weinstein to refuse again because it would have ruined his "good looks". Similarly, for the main female role of Angelika Gilliam wanted Samantha Morton, but the Weinstein brothers (yes both of them) refused because she wasn't sexy, and insisted on having a sexy actress - in this case Lena Headey.

This movie was a constant, constant battle, feuds and struggles with no end - and it was so frustating that Terry Gilliam, out of spite and despair at seeing his project ruined, went on to make a separate movie while "The Brothers Grimm" was done (and this movie was the very disturbing and unfamous "Tideland", which is a good reflection of what Gilliam's state of mind was at the time). In the end, in Gilliam's own word, he managed to make a movie that wasn't what the Weinstein brothers wanted, and in such a way it was good... but he also couldn't make the movie he wanted either, and so nobody won here. And you can feel that indeed this movie is tugged between two directions, stuck between two roads, halfway between "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" and "The Company of Wolves", a monstrous hybrid between "Snow White and the Huntsman" and "Pan's Labyrinth".

But it still has its own horror, its own charm, you can see the movie that was intended to be made, that was half-made - and it still marked the history of fairytale cinematic adaptatons with some of the creepiest, most nightmarish ideas and imageries that ever were. This movie is probably the most disturbed adaptation of "The Gingerbread Man" you'll have ever seen, and the HORSE! By all gosh, you think Little Red Riding Hood's wolf was bad, WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE BIG BAD HORSE! This is a nightmare-fuel movie, people. And I do not sugar-coat this.

Next on our list would be the 2015's "Tale of Tales" movie, an Italian product (with French and British help and participation). This movie is, to my knowledge, the only movie adaptation of Basile's Pentamerone, and since it couldn't possibly cover the hundred and so stories, three were selected and readapted to fit into a greater ensemble: The Enchanted Doe, The Flea, and The Flayed Old Lady.

Together, these three stories were reinterpreted and woven to focus on the Maiden-Mother-Crone archetype (the girl-princess in The Flea, the mother-queen in The Enchanted Doe, the old women of The Flayed Old Lady), and thus explore women's relationships to men in their most negative lights ; but moreso, the movie was designed around the themes of extreme and dangerous desires - the theme of obsession.

This movie is beautifully shot and designed, with incredible sets, excellent practical special effects and gorgeous costumes - but this movie is also very mature, very sad and very dark. One thing that needs to be known is that the original Pentamerone is a comedic work. Its fairytales are all pieces of vulgar humor and extravagant farces, filled with slapstick-gore scenes and lots of sexual jokes. It wasn't the oniric folk-wonder of the Grimms, it wasn't the refined and elegant terror interwoven with modern and delicate miracles of Perrault and d'Aulnoy - these were "laugh-out-loud" and "burst-your-gut" stories of old women pissing and ogres farting loudly and husbands cheating on their wives and bad people scamming idiots before being strongly beaten up...

What this movie did was take back the stories, and remove all the humor and extravagance of it. And as the saying goes, when you remove the laugh track of a sitcom, you get an uncomfortable tragedy. This movie still has the gore, the sex, the crazy or foolish characters, the caricatures and the bizarre... But without the humor and the jokes, it all becomes sadness and horror, it becomes distubring and grotesque. In a way, this movie at the same time works as the antithesis of Basile's original work, and yet as a very faithful adaptation since, while it betrays the original intentions, it brings to light what the stories are fundamentaly made of and the themes it was driven by.

It also helps understanding the aesthetic of the movie to know that one of the main inspirations for this piece were the drawings and paintings of Goya.

And the final piece of this post would be Adam Gidwitz's "A Tale Dark and Grimm".

Now, you might be aware of a certain Netflix animated adaptation that was released not so long ago. Aka this one:

But it will not appear on this list - or rather I will mention it by extension of the original book, which is the one I wanted featured on this list.

Because very simply - the original novel is actually "darker and grimmer" than the series adaptation. Gidwitz's novel and the Netflix series both begin with a a heavy dose of dark humor, creepy slapstick and child-level jokes - but the novel relied on a progression. Tale after tale, with each new chapter in Hansel and Gretel's life, as they grew from children to adulsts, the stories got gloomier and more serious, and the humor became scarse and more cynical. There was really a neat and clear evolution from a "big laughs" goofy-gory show in the first chapters to a teary tragedy/sinister epic in the end. But with the Netflix series? They decided to emphasize the humor and jokes a lot to give the story a truly "cartoony" feeling, and they kept jokes and humor all throughout stories which originally did not have any...

So overall, while everybody called the show "dark", in truth I found it much more light-hearted and kid-friendly than the original novel X) And for this spooky season, I truly advise you go read the ORIGINAL book.

[EDIT: My friend @lapluieellepleut warned me I might have been a bit misleading with this description so I will insist: the original novel is still aimed at kids and pre-teens. Aka... this is a children's novel. This is not an adult read, not even a full teenager one. It is still a simple, sweet, funny story, though with morbid humor and trying to highlight the brutality and darkness of the Brothers Grimm fairytales. But... don't expect a Stephen King novel or a Shakespearian tragedy. Its still a kid tale. If you want something more adult in tone, go look at The Book of Lost Things - "A Tale Dark and Grimm" would be for the age range below The Book of Lost Things.]

If you have read it already, the book had two sequels to form a trilogy. The first one is "In a Glass Grimmly", which is just as good as the original ; and the second sequel (third part of the trilogy) is "The Grimm Conclusion"... Which I did not read. I heard it isn't as good as the others and the quality drops, but I'll give you more info once I actually read it.

Oh, and if you are ever in France or able to read French, do yourself a favor and pick the French edition of this book, aka, this one:

"The terrifying tale and bloody fate of Hansel and Gretel". On top of having perfectly creepy shadow-puppet silhouettes full page illustrations, it also uses a color-code for the text (mixing night-black and blood-red) similar to what for example The Neverending Story used. Truly emphasizes the creepiness and darkness of the novel - while making it even more obvious the humoristic part and more jarring the jokes.