#was hoping to have a good gifset for you all by this point

[peridotsarelongterm]

🍿 De Video Clip 🍿 - Lawman, “The Squatters” (1961)

Been debating whether I should post this - cw for very mean! and scary!De 🥺 - but as usual, the accent and stubble won me over.

Bent still thinks power of attorney means he should be able to kick all the tenants off his late boss’ land even though he’s not even the heir. The marshal just declined to help him, so now he’s having a hot Southern temper tantrum and doing it anyway.

[flugame-mp3]

what do you fucking mean that's how charlie dies. THAT'S HOW CHARLIE DIES??? i mean i know the show has a penchant for killing off every character who's not a winchester brother or an angel of thursday but good god. what the fuck. charlie was such a good and enjoyable recurring character, and she had such a fandom impact that i've seen, and she's only around for THREE SEASONS?? (sidebar: it's amazing she has the presence she does for only being around for a couple episodes in the long run!) but: was this necessary? and she just dies offscreen after her skills are utilized to progress the plot of decoding the book of the damned?? oh my god. what in the actual fuck. i'm finding myself getting genuinely very upset at her death. she did not fucking deserve that. and i can absolutely see why the fan response to her death is what it is now. completely fucking unjustified and throwaway and useless.

[pronouncingitwang]

where did the idea that aziraphale doesn't know gabriel tried to kill him come from. he literally did. they did the bodyswap specifically bc both of them were aware of how similar their ex-bosses are and aziraphale knew gabriel would fully try to murder him and also in the first fight of s2 crowley SAYS that gabriel "tried very hard to cast you into hellfire and destroy you" so even if somehow aziraphale believed he did the whole bodyswap just to save crowley from holy water (which he KNOWS was brought there by michael also) while heaven kidnapped his body to give it a stern talking-to then that line would've given it away. this one is not a communication or information problem folks he is fully aware of how bad heaven sucked in s1

[sunshinechay]

Okay I finally had time today to finish watching your video and my god thank you!!!

You perfectly explained all of the reasons I dropped Only Friends half way through and only watched the specific scenes lots of the fandom talked about after that. The fandom had way more to do with why I dropped it than anything the show ever did and it only got worse the longer the show went on.

Like you explained in the video, I also had figured out towards the beginning of the show that it likely wasn’t going to be as messy as we all wanted it to be (myself included) but I still settled for a good ride and for Jojo and Den and Ninew to tell as true a story as they could (and I think they succeed) but watching the fandom take a tail spin into anger made me want to watch it less and less, to the point where I tried to stay off tumblr as much as I could the day the finale aired because I KNEW the reactions were going to be bad. Now watching some people go after Jojo like they go after Mame has just made me never want to interact with some people ever again. It’s frustrating and I love so many people in this fandom so I mostly tried to stay quiet about my dislike of it.

P.S. The stuff about TopMew and ForceBook. Couldn’t agree more. I like TopMew more than most I think (because I love the bickering married couple trope I’m not sorry) but the fact that there were times (from what I watched and other specific scenes from the episodes I didn’t) that I genuinely wondered why they were together and why they shouldn’t break up and the awkward chemistry is a testiment to ForceBook and abilities and yet people just went after them and the people who liked them and just made me go “big yikes” and also “please don’t do that” (also would like to echo that MJ please don’t delete your account I love you so much)

P.P.S. thank you for the stuff about pathologizing characters and especially about whether or not actions should be considered abusive or not. While you were speaking specifically to OFMD (which I have not seen) as well as your own experiences, it also spoke to me with regards to the way some of the fandom has treated Ray in OFTS. Week after week I would have sit and try to calm myself down after the show aired because of it. Because no he does not react well when things don’t go his way and yes he will resort to insulting/mistreating people he does genuinely care about when he is upset and he will absolutely say things he does not mean and will later regret but he does it anyway because he has no better way of expressing himself. While I do not think he has ADHD and the often resulting RSD, he definitely has trauma (likely stemming from parental neglect) that makes him react the way someone with ADHD (and RSD) would. In my most bitter moments, I sat here and just went “tell me you’ve never suffered from low self worth/self esteem, depression and suicidal ideation or never suffered parental neglect of any kind without telling me you’ve never suffered those things” because it felt like so many people were invalidating my own lived experiences and calling me abusive for also having done some of those things. (Because ADHD/RSD and depression/anxiety/passive suicidal ideation are a bitch of a combination I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy). Ray’s lived experiences with his mental health and parental situation (at least in terms of parental neglect) are pretty similar to my own (barring addiction) and watching other people simplify it and call him abusive towards others (especially Sand) to justify why they don’t like him or why they think another character has the moral high ground above him (which they do not, that’s the whole fucking point of the show) felt a lot like people telling me that they have the moral high ground on me and I’m a terrible person for having suffered those things and having reacted in similar ways to him. Ray might not be a perfect character and he does treat a lot those around him like crap because of his issues, which is not okay, but the fact that he gets help towards the end and hopefully starts becoming a better version of himself makes me feel hope for my own continued work on myself but seeing so many people just continue to shit on him makes me even more scared to interact with people in the fandom then I already was because what if they realize I can be like that too and thus decide they don’t want to know me at all?

made a video dissecting Clexa, Izzy's death, the messy ending of Only Friends, and Gaylors. please pray for me 🙏

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I’ve been working on what’s turned out to be a really long gifset (don’t worry, I’ll put the gifs side-by-side so they clog up less dashboard space lmao) and I can’t decide whether I should even bother trying to get it finished and posted tonight or if I should just finish it tonight and post it tomorrow.

[graciehart]

AMIDST THE CHAOS: An MSR Playlist ⤷ Part One: Mulder

It's the heart in you, I know it in my bones, that made me change direction when I thought better off alone.

playlist / songs ↘

FAVOR by Julien Baker / "Who put me in your way to find? What right had you not to let me die?" I think in the context of an MSR playlist, this song speaks to Mulder's self-destructive and self-sacrificial tendencies and how he comes to learn that Scully does what she does for him — "I used to think about myself like I was a talented liar / turns out that all my friends were trying to do me a favor / I always want to tell the truth but it never seems like the right time to be serious enough / ... / how long do I have until I've spent up everyone's good will?"

FOUR by Sleeping at Last / The lyrics featured in the gifset are from this song: "This blurry photograph is proof; of what, I’m not sure, but it feels like truth" is such a Mulder line. I'm not sure what enneagram I would guess Mulder is, but I think there's something to this song and his tendency to seek out the extraordinary/learning to find the beauty and mystery in the ordinary. Plus the line right before the one above: "I've fallen in love with a ghost / I lost my balance when I needed it most." And in an MSR context: "What if we already are who we've been dying to become? / In certain light, I can plainly see a reflection of magnificence hidden in you... maybe even in me."

I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY by Gracie Abrams / Anyway... pain!! This song describes how Mulder loves so well: "I like to slam doors closed / Trust me, I know it's always about me / I love you, I'm sorry." And I think it touches an important point about how trauma can impact behavior: wanting to do better is one part of healing, but sometimes we end up in patterns despite ourselves. It doesn't mean that it's not on us to do better, but there can be a feeling of helplessness that comes with trying to do better and failing, knowing you're hurting others and wishing you were learning faster.

SOON YOU'LL GET BETTER by Taylor Swift / This song is so devastating to begin with—truly one of my favorite songs ever—and it is absolutely the worst thing ever to think about the cancer arc and this song :) This whole song fits cancer arc (and abduction arc/literally any time Scully is hurt) so well, but I especially die when I think about the bridge: "And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you? / This won't go back to normal / if it ever was / it's been years of hoping / but I keep saying it because / 'cause I have to." And if you really want to hurt, watch this incredible video. It's fine, I'm fine.

READY TO LOSE by Ingrid Michaelson / The chorus really says it all: "I'm ready to lose everything but you." This song is also where the lyrics I featured in the post come from: "It's the heart in you, I know it in my bones, that made me change direction when I thought better off alone."

ANYWHERE BUT HERE by SafetySuit / Something something abduction arc... "and when I'm not with you / yeah, I know that it's true / that I'd rather be anywhere but here without you."

RUT by the Killers / "So I'm handing you a memory I hope you understand / that steadily reminds you of who I really am." This song reminds me of I Want to Believe; I think it's some of what I imagine Mulder to feel when Scully prepares to leave.

COME AROUND by Rosi Golan / "You feel like breathing / come around, come around, come around, come around to me / can't you see you're my lifeline?" To me, this song feels like a companion to "Rut."

A THOUSAND YEARS by Christina Perri / Cliché, I know, but hear me out — "The Field Where I Died." I know their conversation is Mulder asking Scully about it, but it's so Mulder to believe that they've known each other and been friends, always. "I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more."

THE ARCHER by Taylor Swift / "And all of my heroes die all alone / help me hold on to you." There's something so, so beautiful about the way this song builds — "they see right through me, they see right through me, they see right through—can you see right through me? they see right through me, they see right through me, I see right through me, I see right through me." And the way the questions that are asked—"Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?"—are then answered: "you could stay." And guess what? Scully does.

LET YOUR HEART HOLD FAST by Fort Atlantic / This song was one of the choices I almost put for the description: "to believe I walk alone is a lie that I've been told." I've always loved the core message of this song — let your heart hold fast, for this soon shall pass — and it makes me think of Mulder surviving all these years of loss, especially with Samantha.

ORPHEUS by Sara Bareilles / I think there's a theme of "don't give up on me" in these songs, but I think this one adds softness because it goes beyond what Mulder perceives as his own personal shortcomings to speak more generally: "don't stop trying to find me here amidst the chaos / though I know it's blinding there's a way out, say out loud: we will not give up on love now." The beginning of the song makes me think of Mulder as a child: "I know you miss the world, the one you knew—the one where everything made sense because you didn't know the truth." And then one of my all-time favorite lines: "if the bottom drops out, I hope my love was someone else's solid ground." And really, Mulder is love.

PEACE by Taylor Swift / I'm so glad that we get to see Mulder grow over the course of the series and that this song begins to take on new meaning, but I think this song speaks well to the idea that chasing ghosts and monsters is part of who he is, as well as his worry that that isn't going to be good enough, that he can't be what Scully needs—"would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" I think by the end of the series, the meaning of this song can change to refer more to the questions that may never be answered, rather than Mulder's difficulty giving up the chase, which reflects his growth in his partnership and relationship with Scully. But I also think this feels like a very Mulder song because there is so much insecurity; I think at the core of his character is a sense of unworthiness, and it's part of what's so beautiful about his relationship with Scully—eventually, he's able to give her the peace that she brings him.

[twig-tea]

Things from Wandee Goodday ep 3 I can't stop thinking about:

I love so much that we got some good friends with benefits tension around personal boundaries when Dee asked who Yei was and then backed off (but Yak told him anyway). And between the jokes about rimming, Dee demanding Yak pay more attention to his dick last episode, and starting this episode in the 69 position, I am very, very here for this show saying over and over that sex is not just one act.

[ID: Gif of the beginning of episode 3, whichi is a pan-to-shot of Dee and Yak laying in 69 position on the floor under blankets]

i loved the different responses to hearing someone you love is in a "Friends with Benefits" situation; Kao warned Dee not to catch feelings or read too much into the situation and Cher/Yei teased Yak for lying to himself about what the situation is. Both are super valid and speak to who Dee and Yak are, who Kao and Cher/Yei are, and all of their experiences with love. And it speaks to the closeness of these relationships too, that Cher noticed Yak's necklace gone immediately and Kao similarly clocked its addition on Dee instantly.

Super here for Kao being the ultimate support bestie at work, equal parts haranguing and backing Dee up. Their relationship is perfection.

I really liked Yak peace-ing out of their agreement when Dee dropped a huge request with no context, that was so valid and in the spirit of FWB (he didn't actually owe him a bigger conversation).

I've already reblogged a couple of other people (@negrowhat and @lurkingshan) talking about this so I won't belabour it, but I am judging Dee for not only ignoring Yak's boundaries by going to his workplace and forcing him to train him and then flirting with him during training sessions after Yak both made clear he's worried about being out at work and had ended their agreement. I hope we get more of an explanation for Yak's reticence about dating a man while aiming for the championship as well as his change of mind.

The conversations with Cher and Oyei have me so curious about their history! Tell me everything, show. I put these questions in tags on a gifset (but to put them on main: Where is Oyei and Yak's father (who is also a former champ but apparently uninvolved with this family business, if he's still alive)? What happened to Yak's mother that he doesn't know if he takes after her? Why can they go to Cher's family for financial help but not Yei/Yak's (to the point where they had to take out what sounds like a predatory loan during COVID)? What is Cher afraid of re: being seen being affectionate to Oyei, and where does that come from? Is this history related to why Yak is so worried about his relationship to Dee getting in the way of his championship? All of this is seeded so organically and I'm so, so curious. It also has me even more in my feelings about Cher and Yei calling Yak their son.

[ID: Gif of Yei saying to Cher: I own this place. What's there to be afraid of? From the set linked in the paragraph above]

[I have a clown theory that Cher and Oyei's relationship is why his dad is out of the picture and his gym is in financial trouble (because it prevented Yei from getting sponsorship despite being a champion), and why Yak is worried about being in a relationship with a man even though he knows his brother won't care...we'll see how much of this the show pulls together!]

The flash of trauma from Dee at the crosswalk was interesting too; where is that going? What happened in Dee's past and how is it going to affect the story in future?

[More clown speculation: Is it related to why Dee is so good with patients and passionate about ortho? Has he seen someone in his life become disabled due to physical injury?]

Speaking of, I really loved seeing Dee be good at his job and great with patients and their families. In addition to it being just nice to see and good for our understanding of his character, it sets him up to have a fighting chance in the contest too, since patients apparently get a vote.

I love love love the camaraderie and giggling between Dee and Yak around making Ter jealous and shoving their fake relationship in those gossiping nurses' faces. The way they are actually friends who like one another and enjoy spending time together is just really wonderful to watch.

My biggest question is: Will Dee get a chance in this narrative to show up for Yak the way Yak has been showing up for Dee? And how can that current imbalance be reconciled with this all leading towards Dee trying to get a placement to go abroad--and his self-stated toxic trait of always needing to win? [shoutout to @chicademartinica for laying that out succinctly in her post]

In the meantime, I'm having a blast.

[fllagellant]

After screenshotting my original 1:27 am rant just for safekeeping and returning to this line of thought, I think I would like to swing this bat at a hornets nest . And I shall call it ;

BG3 And Polyamory, AKA The Discourse From The Eyes Of The Polyamorous

Hi, I am now disclosing the polyamorous part of my queer identity to the internet. Yay! Remember, I am only one polyamorous person on this website and I am not the spokesperson. This is just my own opinion and my own feelings with how both the game and the fandom seem to be handling the inclusion of polyamorous relationships and characters.

And in my humble opinion: Yikes !

This should be no surprise, but the polyamorous rep in bg3 isn’t … really good . It’s there, sure, and maybe I’m the fool for expecting it to be good when it really is the first time I have ever really heard of a game having an actual polyamorous option. Like on purpose. But with how much bg3 was hyped up as being super inclusive and completely different from all other games in the genre, I had hoped that it would take a good approach to polyamorous people and relationships.

Suffice to say, it fell flat once I actually looked into it.

The companions listed as open for an open/poly relationship are Astarion, Shadowheart, Minthara, and Halsin . What’s wrong with that?

3/4 of these characters already feel like they lean into the conservative fear of polyamory . Three of them are the ‘ evil ‘ members of your party . While ( besides Halsin, but we’ll get to that ) the rest of the ‘ good ‘ character are all monogamous. Growing up in a conservative home, in a conservative province, discussions of the idea of polyamory always came back to the same argument. That only the strange and amoral would do it. Only people who can’t be trusted and don’t actually care about you want to be in a polygamous relationship. And sadly, that is what I see echoed in the choices of who is and isn’t polyamorous.

I romanced Wyll in my first playthru. I had always planned to romance Wyll, actually, since I first saw his design when I first learned of bg3 during its early access days. When I met Halsin next, and chose the options to flirt with him, I thought that a polyamorous relationship between my Tav, Wyll, and Halsin would be cute. I had hoped it would work. I had already seen plenty of Astarion and Halsin and Tav art and gifsets and every other piece of fan content floating around . I had hoped that maybe that bit I read about who is and isn’t open for polyamory was outdated, and I could have this relationship play out in my little playthru .

Of course, it came down to having to choose. And I shrugged it off, at first. Sure, Larian didn’t make Wyll polyamorous for whatever reason. It is the first game that has polyamorous options, and I can just continue the game but have that polyamorous relationship in my head as my canon for my character. That’s fine, that’s what I’ve done before. It can’t be different now, right?

But then, I looked online, opened Tumblr, wondering what other people would say. Not thinking that it would be a big debate about if it is or is not okay to pair certain characters in an ot3 or not.

Wyll can’t be polyamorous, because knightly tales of courting and the mere act of courting is strictly monogamous. Pairing him in an polyamorous relationship is fundamentally misunderstanding the character and you’ve missed the point of him if you do that. It’s wrong to want that, wrong to think about it. The game has polyamorous options, be happy with what you have.

And so, I felt guilty. Larian already set up this dichotomy between their good leaning characters having the normal and good monogamous relationship and the evil leaning characters having the strange and perverse polyamorous relationship. But then, to see that the mere act of pairing your own character with two characters because you think it’s cute, is now being looked down upon so heavily and being seen as a “ fundamental misunderstanding of the characters “. And to have those ideas an opinions suddenly become the most agreed and accepted stance on the topic? How was I supposed to feel anything other than shame. Like I had been enjoying the game wrong, in a backward way.

If Wyll was polyamorous, you do know his approach to love wouldn’t change, right? Same with Gale. Same with Karlach. Same with Lae’zel. None of them would suddenly have to have completely different approaches to love and how they want to show it and how they want to go about it. Wyll can still be replicating the courting, the dancing, the slow burn that he always heard about in bards tales and he could still be polyamorous. There’s this idea that polyamorous love is only able to be expressed in very specific, very narrow ways. That miss the point of what love is.

People don’t act like this with the polyamorous companions, I’ve noticed. You aren’t suddenly bad and misunderstanding the story of Astarion or Shadowheart or Minthara or Halsin for having a strict two person relationship with them, and not expanding into the idea of those characters taking on another partner at some point. If you have Astarion in a strict monogamous relationship, no one says anything. But saying that you have a Tav who’s dating both Karlach and Gale? People are going to talk about you. They’re going to make vague posts. They’re going to talk about how it is Impossible for those characters to Ever be comfortable in a polyamorous relationship and how it is Wrong to protray them as happy in one.

I didn’t think people forgot that the stereotype of monogamy = good and polyamory = bad is still alive and well, but it seems that when it comes to the funny dungeons and dragons video game, it’s okay to prop that stereotype up and get mad when that is possibly challenged.

Now, what about Halsin? He’s a strictly good companion. He cannot fall under the pervious argument, so is he an exception?

No. It’s worse.

Halsin being polyamorous stems in racism. Wood Elves are all described as being polyamorous, and that they do not understand jealousy. And that they do not ever settle with any of their partners. And that the relationships they have are seen as “ doomed to fail “ . This is a stereotype. Commonly associated with indigenous people. That we cannot hold a ‘ proper ‘ relationship and that we always sleep around . We didn’t fit the white model of what a (white) family and a (white) relationship should look like, so the stereotypes and misconceptions started. And, unsurprisingly, ended up as another bit of dnd racism and bioessentialism.

Halsin doesn’t uphold the pervious argument at all, but he shows another part of the discussion that I don’ t think anyone really thought of. The racism stereotypes didn’t vanish when Larian made BG3, they’re all still there. You still have good races and evil races. You still have all the dnd bioessentialism that everyone was so keen to say was gone or just pretended it wasn’t there anymore.

And Halsin is an example of those stereotypes that people are still feeding. So much content with him in it narrows him down to ‘ Big Elf that Fucks and is Horny ‘ or ‘ Big Elf that can be Sexualized no matter What he Does ‘ and it is because Larian didn’t remove the stereotypes in the first place , and fandom doesn’t care enough to take a step back for a second to realize they’re playing into them.

Am I saying you shouldn’t have an ingame polycule with the characters available? No. If it’s cute, and you like it , and it makes sense with the story you’re making for your character, and literally just because you can, go for it! But for the love of god, can we be a bit more careful with how we treat the concept of polyamorous relationships and how we talk about them? Polyamory isn’t just a fandom thing with your ot3s, it’s a real life thing. And we can see how you treat people just having fun with their characters. You understand that, once you get that torn up over the act of making three characters hold hands, it becomes a little bit hard to forget that that is the attitude you hold towards the concept of polyamory when it doesn’t fit the molds you’ve subscribed to.

[even-in-arcadia]

@saints-who-never-existed I hope you don't mind me continuing this here but your tags! This started as a ramble in my own tags on that gifset but then it got very long and then I realized that I was no longer talking about Morfin & Tozer & Silna. So I'm putting it here in a seperate post because that moment is SO good, the beauty of the clarity and understanding that passes there, and I didn't want to take away from that post.

But I have been trying for a while to figure where Goodsir falls in this turning of mercy. It never ever occurred to me that Goodsir's panic attack might be more than just the visceral grief of seeing his patient in such pain that he, a doctor, is incapable of curing, and the trauma of him being so violently killed at such close quarters. But on top of that!! Now must he reckon with the fact that he has been prolonging this man's life and suffering (and again, Goodsir doesn't know what Morfin knew about Lt Fairholme) only to bring him to such a cataclysm and end: and that this makes him entirely re-evaluate his concepts of mercy, of compassion, and what it means to truly provide relief! Of the value of his entire profession as he has understood and practiced it! Does he feel complicit in Morfin's death? In the manner of it? As you say, no wonder he had a panic attack! How does he reckon with the fact that Tozer, a marine (and probably not someone he cares for), is ultimately the one who is able to understand and give to Morfin the only true mercy possible in the circumstances?

So when Gibson comes to him with scurvy and asks what to expect: he tells him the brutal, plain truth of it with no offer of comfort or hope, not even a softness in his tone. Because he is angry, but also because that is a different kind of mercy. He spent so long telling Morfin there was hope, there were options, but he was wrong. It all came to this horror, to his patient literally begging for death.

And is this what brings him to the point of being able not just to contemplate but to carry out his suicide & murder? Because the Goodsir of the first nine episodes might have killed Hickey, but he also must know that many of those men are in that camp out of fear and desperation and even chance and are complicit but not Guilty in the way that Hickey is. Does he think he's freeing them, or punishing them, or both? Does it mean that for him mercy has ceased to be a concept of value or meaning in these circumstances?

Anyway, that's what's rattling around in my head now.

[khaopybara]

Top ten seductive/hot Ray moments according to you? 😊 You can just list them or yap about them. Whatever you want 🤗🤭

*Cracks knuckles* Anon, first of all, thank you for asking. In this dissertation, I’ll unravel all the moments Ray made me pause for a second or ten because he looked absolutely out of this world hot/seductive/enchanting/surreal. For the purposes of this, I’ll try not to overlap my Ray’s greatest hits with Sarah’s, who has already pointed out some excellent moments here. I agree with basically every one of her choices, but it’s not like we lacked on hot scenes from Ray. Because I’ll take every opportunity I have to gif Only Friends because at the time it was airing, I didn’t possess the skills to do a thing for the show, I certainly have a gifset queued for later this evening, and I hope it shows up 😀. Now, without further ado, let’s begin.

1. Checking Sand out after he lit his cigarette, episode 1.

Already starting by doing something I said I wouldn’t do, but listen, right when Sand walks off after lighting his cigarette, Ray just looks at him and checks him out with such a laid-back charm. You can clearly see he’s getting ready to hunt and his eyes are on his prey. Honestly, 10/10, no notes, super-hot.

2. Stop playing and tell me what you wanna tell me, episode 6.

If I’m not mistaken, SandRay only has three scenes in episode 6 and this one is the least angry one. Ray has been trying to reach Sand who has been actively ignoring him after the disaster at Sand’s apartment (when he was going to get birthday sex and instead got, I’m my crush’s second option). Suddenly, Sand contacts him and he thinks they’ll finally reconcile, but instead he’s faced with Sand trying to manipulate him by using his feelings for Mew. Ray ain’t stupid, he acts on his emotions quick and hot, but he knew he was being played, and right there when he sighs and rolls his eyes and forces Sand to go to the point? Quite hot.

3. Smoking in the bathtub with Sand, episode 11.

How do I describe this one? Maybe it’s the peacefulness in Ray and like, the genuine happiness from having cleared the misunderstanding with Sand and with no immediate issues in sight (we don’t count the substances abuses for this) that simply makes him glow. His hot score is high. His attractiveness score is high. Happy Ray makes him look hot.

4. Deal with him or I’ll do it myself, episode 12.

Possessive and mad Ray will always have a place in my heart. In this one, he was not only pissed, but he was also fucking insecure the man he recently realized he was in love with was going to ditch him for the hot muscular ex-boyfriend, and he still had in it him to say if you’re going to pick him let me know but if you pick me, deal with this quick or I’ll do it my way. So good.

5. The boy is mine, episode 2.

Ray being a little shit is one of my favorite types of Ray. In this case, it’s a good type of little shit because here he is making sure for the first time in his and Sand’s relationship that Sand will chose him before anyone else. The little satisfied smirk as Amm walks off because he won? Amazing. We love confidence.

6. Take the shirt off me, episode 5.

What a fucking menace, Ray Pakorn. He wanted to be fucked the whole day that day but unfortunately, Sand is working class man and had places to be and things to do. Doesn’t mean Ray can’t get his way, and he will get his way some way or another. When he told Sand to take his very tight shirt off him, I was already at the other side of the room screaming silently. I appreciate Sand’s self-control. I would have none.

7. Stop fooling yourself, Sand, episode 8.

I don’t know how many of you are traumatized by episode 8. For me, it’s pure suffering. Maybe it’s also because discourse that week literally anywhere was insufferable. But anyway, Joker!Ray is a nightmare. He’s drunk and high and very out of his mind but stay with me a little bit. The I can have feelings for as many people as I want thing? Problematic? Yes, but also kind of hot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

8. He could convince you to kill someone or at least help him get rid of the body with his eyes alone, episode 8.

Ray being a little shit has a certain charm, we must agree on that. You have to admit that you need a certain level of confidence and lack of shame to show up to the person you didn’t pick and say, “hey, how about you help me with community service, hun?” And Sand folded like a wet piece of paper, and do you know why? Because Ray had his best pleading for cock 🥺 eyes on, and he was so charming and so manipulative, and so attractive. (I mean, the poking thing? It’s endearing.)

9. Just Ray, episode 2.

I think this is a serious case of lone wolf hotness or something. There’s just something especially attractive about Ray being by himself near the pool, with his sunglasses and a flask.

10. Watching Sand, episode 3.

Sand knows for sure how to fuck someone good, because Ray followed this man looking for a round 2 since that morning they woke up together, and he was sure he’d get that when he invited Sand to play at the hostel’s party. He had eyes on Sand up until Boston reminded him he should have feelings for Mew or whatever. He’s just exhaling hot energy. Let’s never forget the scene we didn’t have of Ray throwing his cup after his “confrontation” with Top, too.

[hyunin]

hiiii everyone, this blog hit 1k followers the other day 🥹 tysm to anyone that has followed me here over the years! i'm sure at least a third of my followers are dead blogs from my suju (🤮) era in 2013 before i returned to gifmaking tumblr in 2020, but so many of you joined me once i returned and i'm so thankful for everyone that has reblogged my content and chatted with me and followed me up until this point! 🫶 i wanted to write some fun lil messages for my mutuals and pals below the cut, as well as shout out some people i don't necessarily speak to but like having on my dash also 💗 if u aren't mentioned on here and we're mutuals that doesn't mean i dislike u it just means i'm stupid and missed you 😭 before i get into the messages i also want to ask anyone who can to consider commissioning me for a gifset or writing by donating at least €10 to this fundraiser and sending me a screenshot of your donation! more info on that via this post. thank u so much again everyone!!! 🥳 (edit: i don't think half the mentions in this post are working so please check to see if you were mentioned even if you weren't notified!)

@redvelvetcult hi ele 🫶 i know we don't speak as often anymore but i'm always so happy to see u around and i love you <3 thank u for running yangjeongin with me even if it has been in spirit for 99% of its run LKJSDLFKJSJLKFD still wouldn't be the same without u @bataranqs hi kid! this is going to sound so lame but it's been rly fun watching u grow up over the years through awoo9, every time u use our weird ass humor it's so much funnier coming from u. thank u for hyping up everything we all do, especially my writing!! i really appreciate it and u @anyujins iwin...whew....LLKSJDKLFJLSKF i'm rly happy that we're a lot closer now than when we were last time i made one of these posts. i think we are anyway?? i forgor...but either way ilysm, thank u for your support when i've been going insane over the years and it would appear both of the stories of our love lives that we've been following for so long will have a tragic ending. LJKSDFJLKSLK but i hope we can be friends for many more moments of insanity to come and that we have more good news than bad news to share w each other soon. in the meantime it's always rly fun to talk to u and i am glad i have u in my life @miyawaki ver. i appreciate u v much if only bc u are a major provider of quality shitposts on my dash, u also being into kpop and giffing is a bonus. u are also so funny even if u are also MEAN!!!! it's funny most of the time. and u have also supported me a lot in ur own ver way over the years, and i can always count on u to give me feedback on giffing and such. i'm so happy for u that u are going to uni again and i hope u have so much fun but also don't forget about us 🔫 🫶 @seulggi gfx queen minya! u deserve a shoutout if ONLY bc u are carrying the gfx side of kpop tumblr on ur back fr. and i love seeing what u make on my dash. but u are also an awoo9er so i will give u a long AWOOOOOOOOO of appreciation ❣️ @meongppangz RI omg idk what account is best to tag u on so i tag u here. i rmr the last one of these i made i was like 'hope to talk more under better circumstances' and now we talk nearly every day LJSDFLKSDF i love that for us. thank u crazy person gc for bringing us together fr....love that we can bond over loving ggs and also hating collecting pcs and any other random shit of the day skz is doing. and giffing ofc. talking to u always makes me happy so i hope we continue talking and being friends for a long time to come 🫶 ily. also i'm going through my follow list for this in order of oldest blogs first and i just discovered y'all were one of the first skz blogs i followed. how cute @curiosityjams hi drea, we haven't spoken ages but i wanted to shout u out individually as well because i still enjoy seeing u on my dash and i still consider us friends 🫶 fellow eunbi stan...i will never forget waiting for the 2020 election results w you LMAO abt to do it all again soon...but i hope you're well and hope good things continue coming to u 🙇‍♀️ @hyunjinz agnes, backbone of stayblr that u are, i love u!! i know we don't Personally speak much at all i still feel like u are a dear friend of mine. you were one of the first ppl to support my skz content and i think you're that for a lot of people on stayblr and i think that is so sweet of u and also important for the community. u are so brave for going through the tags all the time and reblogging everything i do not have that kind of energy but i'm so glad u do!! i miss ur gifs but i'm happy that you're still around even when you don't gif. we're some of the last remaining pre-kingdom era skz ccs left 😱 so i will always appreciate ur company here <3 @innielove hi vi, i just want to say i love that u are giffing skz again. i've probably missed a lot of ur sets bc i'm bad at checking tags and dash but when i DO see them i'm like omg vi's gifs r really looking better than ever. thank u for returning to us 🫶 u have also actually been on stayblr for a long time so i'm always happy to see some of the oldies (can u believe we are oldies now...) back on the dash 😌

@kazuhas MS KALE it always makes me happy to see u on my dash here. ur gifs are so lovely and so are u!! i know we mainly know each other from off cc tumblr 🫣 but i wanted to give u a shoutout among all of my other tumblr beloveds bc ily. it's what u deserve @seo-changbinnies marie...another fellow stayblr hag at this point...u are still one of the funniest people on this site i swear. and i'm so glad u are still here and making gifs and blessing us w your funny tags. i hope u always stay just as insane, i love u for that <3 @seungs HI MIAAA we don't talk that much anymore but i wanted u to know that i still always love seeing u and your gifs on my dash 🫶 @felixies luna, legend of stayblr that u are 🙇‍♀️ i think ur work largely goes unappreciated by the fandom but u are an icon for keeping createskz running for all these years despite everything going on in ur life. tysm for your service 🫡 @huiracha marie huiracha...this is how i refer to u in my head btw. like 'huiracha' is ur last name. LKJSDFKLSKLD we have barely spoken but i want to give u your own shoutout just for surviving and continuing to gif on stayblr as long as u have. veterans' discount fr @hyunsung hi mona 🫶 we haven't spoken in a while either omg but i am still always excited to see u on my dash when u gif something or reblog something from me i'm like omg that's my friend mona :D SDKJFSJKLDF so thank u and i hope you're doing well 🙏 @hyunpic VILMA HYUNPIC...u know i am so glad we are better pals now. u are so funny and fun to talk to but also the sweetest ever!! thank u for always listening to me and being kind to me and also making me laugh. every time i feel like an rper named their hyunjin character something dumb i am glad i get to report it to u. some things only u will understand and appreciate. LKJSDKLJFSKLJFKLFD @sungtaro eri <3 we don't talk much anymore and maybe we NEVER HAVE??? but i have always felt like u are a dear friend and beloved mutual. i love seeing u on dash even if we don't have too many groups in common anymore. ur content is always lovely and so are u so we will always be pals as far as i am concerned 🫶 @exocean hi mo!! i must admit i don't have much to say but i wanted to mention you individually because you are so sweet and i love seeing u around and u deserve to know it <3 @hyumjim i don't even know what to say (positive) u know i am so glad ur squirmy wormy tag on one of my hyunjin sets brought us together. idr if we have ever properly spoken like via dm but bc u follow me on all my accounts i feel Seen by u....nd u haven't unfollowed me yet so god bless u. i always enjoy seeing ur thoughts and the posts u put on my dash whether they be a funny text post or someone's hot take getting dismantled or something Thought Provoking. my dash is definitely a better place because of u so thank uu 🫶

@wolfchans lau the Actual backbone of stayblr tysm for ur service fr. without u providing files for us i genuinely believe most of stayblr would be lost. not only do u do that but u are also genuinely very kind and make great content so i appreciate u so much!! thank u for making stayblr (and my dash) a better place @hyunebear hi adri i gotta admit i didn't even realize u were back on tumblr until i was going through my following and saw that u posted recently akljsdflkjdsf goes to show how much i'm on my dash...but i wanted to mention you individually even though it's been so long because you have genuinely touched my heart a lot and i will never forget ur compliments 🙏 ok maybe i did forget some of them word for word. but i will never forget how sweet u were to me. how about that. so thank you and i hope to see u around more!! i probably have to be on my dash more for that tho huh... @romanceuntold hi jen 🫶 i miss u on stayblr i'm ngl but i'm also still glad to see u on my dash through all your phases. you are such a warm and kind person and another person who i will never forget being so sweet to me. thank you and i hope you're doing well ❣️ @wearehappiness sidrah <3 the fact that we were both on stayblr but met properly on pc ig first is still so silly to me. me intending to wait on ur mail to get to me then being like 'stayblr perk i'll send ur mail rn' after i found out u were here LKJSDLKFLJKSF but you are suuuuch a sweet person who makes lovely gifs too. i miss ur gifs also!! and just you in general. wishing u the best in life always 💗 @mybodyfails hi oli 🫶 another person who has been soooo sweet to me, i'm so glad i got to help w leeknoween and i still have all the freebies u sent me from it preserved safely in my freebie photocard binder 😌 you are always lovely to talk to whenever we do, and thank u for reading my fic too despite zombies not being ur thing i appreciate u!! @strayklds / @facethesuns em i just think it's so funny that we like didn't speak before i invited u to the gif streaming server and i just did that on a whim bc u passed the vibe check and now i feel like we are good friends. despite still rarely speaking KSLDFLSDLKF but i love that for us and love ur gifs and seeing u around always 💞 @neohyune hi fae <3 i know us speaking is like a very recent development but i also wanted to mention u individually to thank u for your help 🙏 i need to write more of my fic tbh...but i Will be checking our conversation again for Notes. you also seem like a very sweet person so i would love to talk to u more in the future also 💕 @linoyes another very recent friendship (yes i am calling it that already) in my life, but thank u for your generosity, let's meet that fundraising goal together 💪 i hope we're also able to talk more outside of this context too. i just have a feeling i will have a lot more to say about u once i make another one of these!!

i'm ngl i don't know how many of you actually follow me here and i don't have time to check everyone's username individually so i'm just going to list a bunch of blogs i follow who may or may not follow me JKLSDFLKSDF but y'all make my dash a better place, thank u for all u do! 🫶 feel free to talk to me anytime too

@dazzlingkai @theseulgis @joytual @anyujin @cchuu @cherry-heartss @boynextdoors @hyunchans @ambivartence @minzbins @everglowz @chogiwow @ttathinker @minhosblr @minho-knows @yang-innie @leegahyun @bu99erfly

[eddiediaaz]

Hi! Your coloring on that recent may day gifset of eddie and buck is so incredibly gorgeous, do you think you could explain how you managed to color the scene like that, despite how dark and blue it is, with flashing lights? Only if you want to! Love everything you post 💌

hiiii, oh my gosh thank you so much!! yeah this scene is so dark and cold, and with the flashing lights it's not the most ideal scene to color. what i did is mostly just worked on bringing back some warmth and light back into the scene, and keep the shadows deep enough.

you're lucky, this is one of the very few times where i actually kept my psd, so i can give you the exact details 😅 steps under the cut! (reference gifset)

this is how the gif looks sharpened without any coloring layers:

i usually start coloring by trying out the automatic settings of a curves layer, see if that helps. it sometimes does the heavy lifting for me, but for this particular scene it didn't do much. so i just brighten up the scene a bit with some levels, curves, and exposure layers. i prefer doing it little by little over multiple layers than all at once.

don't worry about the blacks being too lifted and gray, i'll fix that later.

when the brightness is where i want it to be, i usually use channel mixer and/or color balance to bring back some colors in (or remove tones i don't want). for this scene i only used color balance to bring back some warmth (reds and yellows). i always use color balance in all three midtones, shadows, and hightlights (usually in that order too, but i often go back in between them to change the values as i need).

when the tones are where i want them, i go play around with the separate colors with a selective color layer (or two or three, depending. usually at least two). for this one i went in the blacks and added some more blacks, so the shadows are a bit more deep. then i went in the reds and yellows to bring more warmth.

and the magentas to make sure the skintones aren't too pink, then i went to the blues and cyans to enhance the blue tones from the lights i didn't touch the greens, neutrals, or whites for this scene.

i then like to add some vibrance and saturation with a vibrance layer. it's at this point that it really comes to life, and that i really see what difference a good selective color layer makes. sometimes i use multiple selective color layers to separate warm and cold tones, but i didn't feel the need to do that here.

i wanted the yellow stripes on their turnouts to be less green so i fixed it with a hue/saturation layer in yellow.

then i added my usual brightness/contrast and black & white layers on top to add more depth and contrast.

after these final touches, the skintone was slightly too deep for my liking so i went in and fixed it with another selective color layer in the reds, but you could always go back to the first selective color layer and edit the red sliders there, if you prefer to have less layers. i placed this layer between the vibrance layer and first selective color layer.

and that's it! here's the before after:

that's my process for most gifs i make :) i hope this helps

[bisclavret]

hello I'm thinking about that gifset you did. yaoi cocaine. whatever it was. with gwaine and merlin having figured each other out. and gwaine looking betrayed while merlin looks elated is SO IMPORTANT TO ME YOU DON'T EVEN GET IT.

GWAINE USES HAVING MERLIN FIGURED OUT TO BRING HIM JOY. MERLIN USES HAVING GWAINE FIGURED OUT TO HURT HIM.

fuckkkk it just. you can sort of see it with how they distance themselves too and what their relationship looks like in s4 & 5. ESPECIALLY 5 bc at the end of the season merlin uses his knowledge of gwaine (that gwaine cares about him and would risk his life for him without hesitation) to hurt him (not being honest with him about his magic or allowing him to help get it back) LIKE OH MY GOD. THEY HAVE EACH OTHER FIGURED OUT. MERLIN KNOWS IT'LL HURT GWAINE IF HE DOESN'T TELL HIM THINGS BUT HE ALSO KNOWS GWAINE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM AND I JUST. AUGH. I THINK THAT SHOULD BE EXPLORED MORE BC LATER SEASONS MERWAINE TOXIC YAOI IS EVERYTHING TO ME

oh im so glad you picked up on that too! theyre literally ideological foils to each other in that episode: even as they bond over some shared values and trauma (and attraction), the key conflict between them is that gwaine's life experiences have made him a staunch anti-royalist while merlin is prophecy-pilled into believing he lucked out with "the good ones". from the moment merlin learns gwaine's dad was a knight he relentlessly uses this fact to convert gwaine back to catholicism nobility so he can stick around as a knight of camelot, which merlin rationalizes as a kindness because gwaine seems lonely and leads a dangerous life.

but the way gwaine reacts to merlin's attempts at persuasion is conflicted and suspicious because "what's this guy's agenda?" and i don't think that ever fully lets up. even as gwaine concedes that arthur is one of "the good ones" i do believe it's just for merlin's sake because there are no "good ones" in a class war lol he sees how rooted merlin is in his beliefs (not to mention the repressed sexuality) and wants to reassure him that even though he's in no rush to join him, he's not judging him either. and merlin is relieved and happy with this outcome because gwaine kindly didn't call him out on the homosexuality and he stopped trying to threaten his beliefs. that whole episode is the equivalent of being a leftist on a dating app in 2022 wondering how low you'd stoop for a cute british twink that's unironically mourning queen elizabeth. but i digress.

merwaine is toxic yaoi to ME because not only does it start with them butting heads ideologically, merlin's ideology WINS and gwaine abandons everything he stood for to become a knight in the hopes of finding love and community. and then of course by the time s4 and s5 roll in there is so much grief and shame and fanaticism in merlin that he refuses to indulge, refuses to go off-script and allow gwaine to be anything except a tool and a weapon. which is obviously not the vibe gwaine was getting off of merlin in s3, but by his last episode he's surrendered himself to the reality that that's all merlin allows himself to want from him to the point where after merlin rejects him one last time he literally gives him his sword and lets him walk away. grim!

then again, they're both complicit in making each other feel worse! gwaine sounds like he already has some mistrust of magic when we first meet him, and by s5 he's parroting camelot-isms about magic, "you are a sorcerer and a heretic", and killing sorcerers who did nothing. and then merlin quietly marks their grave and keeps repeating to himself that "it'll get better one day" while refusing to listen to anyone who has any criticism whatsoever.

and to circle back to the point of "they figured each other out": THAT'S WHY IT'S SO POTENT. TO ME. merlin knows that gwaine loves him best of all but whenever gwaine tries to act on his love merlin recoils because of catholic fanaticism he's convinced everyone he shares his secrets with will die. the repression is off the charts. and gwaine resents repression but he's forced to abide by it because he's disarmed by merlin's apparent selflessness and bravery (and the fact that merlin gets to live a life of adventure and self righteous fighting while not actually being a noble - that's literally gwaine's dream!) but i simply cannot look at gwaine in honestly ANY of the seasons he's in and go "oh he doesn't mind :) he just wants to be involved!" the man practically died of a broken heart. merlin broke his heart. and gwaine let him, he was also an active participant! i like to overanalyze eoin's acting decisions and try and pinpoint moments where he bites his tongue lest he says something that goes against merlin's (and the show's) ideology that will cost him his place. which is not unlike hiding a secret identity if you think about it

[lover-of-mine]

Seeing your parallels gifsets of Buck's LIs made me realize that either the writers are doing this on purpose or he's turned dating into a social experiment. It also made me think about him somehow turning off the vulnerability he had with Abby after she left and choosing people he won't be getting that deep with. And that's interesting because he's transferred the emotional vulnerability to Eddie instead but it's more complicated because there's intricate rituals there. Idk if this is just intuition but I think more than just a hamster wheel, it feels like he's approaching a breakdown somewhere. It's like Maddie said once, even as a kid Buck knew there was something wrong with his family. And Buck sought out Dr Copeland on his own. There's something going on with his dating choices and I think we're approaching the point where it comes to a head.

As someone who will forever beg for a Buck breakdown, I like the way you think, honey. Because, sure, Buck doesn't realize he's trapped in a cycle, but the idea that he stays in shallow relationships because he doesn't want to go as deep as he did with Abby is interesting for sure, because, yeah, we haven't seen boyfriend Buck come out to play in the degree he did with Abby, and the idea that Buck's chooses people who see him in a specific way can be backed up by the "i feel like she sees me" comment because it was glaring that what was happening was that Natalia saw the parts of him he wanted, and while I think he did care about Taylor as much as he could, there was always a wall around them. And with Tommy right now we were not shown a lot of emotional depth. And, yeah, he has that vulnerability with Eddie and I think he rationalizes it in a "that's what a best friend is for" type way, so he doesn't fully see what he's doing, but he's not fully honest with Eddie either, or maybe he tells Eddie the same lies he tells himself. And the way Buck just goes with the flow has to do something in this particular area of his life, it has to have consequences, because yes, Buck is weirdly perceptive. He knew Abby wasn't all the way in, he knew he would be forced to learn to live with the parts of Taylor he didn't like, he knew something was off with his family. And Maddie tells their parents that Buck is better at seeming fine than anyone gives him credit, and that's very true. Buck is good at carrying the weight once the dust settles. Sure, he will blow up initially, but it's not like he actually deals with stuff. He chooses to ignore the way his parents lied to him, he sits by the window and waits for months, except when talking to Eddie and the doctor during recovery he looked perfectly fine with his death, he got crushed by a truck and they got caught in a tsunami and didn't even blink about it after. His worries about the tsunami were about losing Chris, not almost dying. He's good at diverting, distracting from what's really bothering him. And well, we've learned that bottling shit up won't ever work, with Bobby, and Eddie, and Maddie, and that man has been through A LOT. It has to catch up to him eventually. Because the thing is, Buck is a runner the same way Maddie is, but Buck is running from himself. He ran all across the continent to escape something he couldn't name while searching for something that would make him stay. He settles for anything that makes him feel something because it gives him the illusion he doesn't have to keep running. And that pressure has to go somewhere. So, yeah, ideally this leads to something. I don't have high hopes about it though. But it would be great. I=

[crumb]

okay okay so re: this post about this gifset

tell me what you think--did Benson plan on killing everybody in the restaurant? did he plan on killing himself after? did he expect to spare Randy, or was he on the fence? was he gunning for Chris and Chris alone and anticipating having to improvise?

I just love the way this scene plays out and how, despite the horrific violence, there's still something undeniably human about Benson as he goes about it. I would LOVE to hear your take!!

Holy shit my response is so long and rambling I'm so so sorry but uhhhh here's my thoughts under a cut to save people's dashboards from my dumb brain 🙈

Omg so yes this is something I think about ALL the time. Chris is, of course, a definite 100%. He was basically dead the moment he grabbed Benson's shoulder and said "...I'll have no problem turning your peaceful redneck existence into a living hell..." Benson warned him, gave him a chance to back down from bullying Randy, but Chris doubled down so RIP lol. Which was the spark that lit the first fuse.

The rest I think may have been improvised a bit but not by much. I think he planned on killing everyone, except Randy, but wasn't sure how exactly it would all go down. There's a chance Hardy might not have heard Jess screaming and never come out of the back. Which that alone I find funny that it was Jess' shrieking and not the two shotgun blasts that managed to rip him away from his morning jerk off session. So Benson might have planned on getting Hardy in the office by surprise after doing in Chris and Jess.

Jess is interesting because Benson tries to quiet her first before getting frustrated and shooting her to shut her up. Like, was bro gonna give her some speech before offing her? I wouldn't be surprised. Something about not dating entitled dickheads? I get why some people think he might not have killed her if she stopped screaming, which is a fair theory! But I also think she's been clearly joining in on the bullying and egging on Chris with her little comments and giggling like she had been earlier that morning. So I think she was already firmly on his kill list by that point, plus she would have no use to him other than being another witness—and the whole thing wasn't about her, it was about Randy, so dragging her around with them, or leaving her behind, would be pointless and risky.

Randy Randy Randy. I don't think he ever intended on killing Randy at any point, except maybe there being the risk of it happening when he was shaken after the whole Sheppard situation. At that point, Benson was so out of his own body I think almost anything could've happened, though ultimately I don't think that would've ever been on purpose, only in a knee-jerk reaction. I do think it was a liiittle bit of a test. I think Benson, like he said in the diner (the first round lol) that seeing Randy just stand there doing nothing and waiting for Benson to kill him was the only thing he believed in. He, like Benson mentioned, had been watching Randy and knew he was smart, but also knew he wouldn't do anything to stop what was happening. But I think a small part of him was hoping he would be proved wrong, hoping Randy would do something and show some agency.

And then there's Benson. I've mentioned this before but yeah, I think throughout the film he kinda goes back and forth on having a deathwish. I think when he's having his smoke and probably semi-planning what he's gonna do he is also fully aware that this is the end of the road for him and Randy is his... I don't know, I guess one last chance at redemption before ending things. Pulling Randy back from the brink of dead-end small town small thinking monotony is his like... last hurrah. Ok well maybe killing Chris and everyone is really the last hurrah, but helping Randy figure his shit out is like his last good deed, helping Randy not end up like him. When they're driving to the diner after cleaning up BBB he's in high spirits. The relaxation and acceptance phase of his road to inevitable death/suicide. But then as things progress and he learns more about Randy and everything, once they reach the school, I think at that point he had stepped back from the ledge and was thinking, maybe wishfully thinking, that he could make it out of there. But then Sheppard had to show up and ruin everything. I think Benson had started to think that maybe things could be alright, if only he could get Randy to Ms. Beard's, get that checked off the to-do list, and then they could try escaping. But Sheppard appears and reminds Benson that no matter what he can never escape. He'll never escape what happened to him, the things he's tried to forget, or who he is. So at that point it's like trying to save a sandcastle from an incoming tide. There's no use. Benson didn't have the tools to deal with seeing Sheppard, especially not on a day like that day when he had already spilled blood three times. Chris and them, maybe they deserved it to an extent in Benson's eyes, but no one deserved it more than Sheppard. So after Sheppard he's given himself whiplash. He had accepted his death, then got hopeful, and then had the ceiling cave in on him causing him to have to re-accept his fate, though not as steadfast. There's a few points after Sheppard where it feels like Benson is mentally clawing at the oncoming events in panic. Ms. Beard getting that call and answering it before they could leave. Benson hearing the sirens after Randy calls the cops. Both times it looks like he's reliving some cosmic disappointment like even though he's had to re-accept his fate, he's still desperately looking for an off-ramp. I think that's maybe what Benson means at the end. "I was never in charge, Randy." His fate or inevitable end was in charge and was something he'd already considered set in stone. Though I think that's also due to some self-sabotage. Like Randy tried to tell him, he had the opportunity to just run and never look back but instead decided to go on some self-assigned white knight quest for Randy in circles around town. Following some perceived path to "fix" Randy in ways Benson could never fix himself. Benson is a walking self-fulfilling prophecy. So to answer your question about whether I think Benson planned on killing himself after killing Chris, Jess, and Hardy (and after "helping Randy")—in my opinion, yes, I believe so. But I also think it switches back and forth from yes to no like 15 times between them leaving BBB and watching the cops pull into the diner parking lot that night, lol.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Dean & Cas Are In Love

A hopefully one day conclusive study of these assholes, hopefully told as briefly as I can.

[it went fuckin canon? Rendered useless in my own job. Posting these gifsets from my drafts for @mittensmorgul​ who can make better use of them than me.]

-------

I clearly picked this out to highlight the conflict between the three of them, and how the dynamic with Benny present also serves to highlight a lot of the things we can’t see when it’s just Dean and Cas talking at each other so urgently they pretty much forget that Benny is there. 

Cas tries to convince Dean out of it again and Benny is hearing what Cas is putting down and understands that Cas has very different motives and intentions to what Dean has, and that their quest has hit a dead end here, and now they simply have to survive around this obstacle. So he tries to show Dean gently as he can that Cas is not moving on this and will keep finding reasons to nay say the plan for whatever reason. 

The choice of “are you hearing what he’s saying” as phrasing is well chosen to have Benny urging Dean to re-evaluate what he’s looking at when he sees Cas, which is important when up topside he’s then making up a different interpretation of what happened to Cas and tormenting himself with that. Showing that at this point Dean is NOT understanding and reading Cas well, caught up in his hero fantasy of rescuing them all and having a nice happy family reunion at the end of this. 

A good clean win. 

Benny is more realistic and also an outside eye, so he can clearly read that this is not in the cards, and try and poke Dean to seeing it.

Dean immediately hate-crimes Benny and makes it plain he’s not bending to this reality, but this is what Benny is going to have to deal with; I think Dean is reading it as hostility between Cas and Benny that neither wants to work with the other and would rather the other was not there. In truth I think they’re already kinda connecting better over what is the objective reality than what Dean’s living in, and if you look at it from their point of view, Dean’s being by far the least realistic one and living in a hopeful state which I think is crucial to survival for him but unfortunately not going to be very emotionally healthy in the long term.

You know, normal Dean Winchester coping mechanisms.

And that ends the tour of posts Lizbob had saved up from 5 years ago! Glad to get this out of my drafts, sorry I am not making gifs any more and haven’t watched Supernatural since I was trying to catch up before the finale then heard the news and immediately stopped trying to catch up :P Happy for you or sorry that happened I ain’t reading all that etc.