#was anything more than an egocentric choice

[civilization-illstayrighthere]

PHANTOM LIBERTY SPOILERS SPECIFICALLY FOR GIG: THE MAN WHO KILLED JASON FOREMAN

Would someone lmk what Briana’s (the woman who lives in the stacks and gives you the quest at the start) reaction is if you kill Rinder? I had him call Regina and was just curious to know what the alternative would be. (She was obviously uhhhh not very happy)

[mahgyu]

Thinking about Toji, who only realizes what he truly feels for you when he sees you happy with someone else.

Toji used to tell himself that you were just another woman he used for sex and nothing more. However, weeks turned into months, and even though he kept saying that you weren't anything special in his life, the situation was actually completely different.

You already spent more time in his small apartment than in your own. When he woke up in the morning, it wasn't with Megumi poking and asking him to prepare breakfast anymore because you promptly woke up before to do it. You did so much for them and never expected anything in return.

Speaking of Megumi, he also began to develop a strong bond with you. You always played together, watched movies, and you even helped with homework when you could. Megumi always looked at you with admiration, as if you were the mother figure he didn't even realize he needed. Toji might have displayed the facade of an unshakable man, but deep down, only he knew how much witnessing these domestic moments affected him.

But, in a way, Toji felt inadequate for you. He was just a troubled single father trying to stay alive, with a questionable job and a life that felt more like a rollercoaster. He looked at you and saw an incredible woman, full of life and potential, while he saw himself as someone who would only hold you back. You deserved more than just sex and a miserable life beside him.

Toji tried to end things by acting like a bad guy, a personality he always portrays to everyone but never before to you, behaving like a jerk so that you would hate him and feel nothing for him but contempt. He was cold, distant, and even cruel in his words. He knew he was hurting you, but it was the simplest way out.

He saw the pain in your eyes when you finally accepted his words and distanced yourself, leaving him alone with his regret and loneliness. Deep down, he hoped you would find someone better, someone who could give you everything he couldn't.

But as time passed, the pain of separation only grew in Toji. He tried to fill the void with more work, giving more attention to Megumi — who didn't make things easier by constantly asking why you had abandoned them. He even sought out other women for sexual satisfaction, but it didn't help. They weren't you; nothing could take you out of Toji's mind. He constantly wondered if he had made the right choice, if he had done what was best for both.

Months later, Toji saw you from afar, leaving a coffee shop, happy with another man. In one hand, a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and beside you, a well-dressed man, with neatly combed blond hair and a serene expression on his face as he briefly sealed his lips on yours. Toji's heart clenched in a way he had never felt before, seeing you smiling and radiant beside someone else made Toji realize how foolish he had been. He realized he had let slip away the best thing that had ever happened to him, all because of stubbornness and egocentrism.

At that moment, Toji realized that you were everything he had ever wanted, and that he had made the biggest mistake of his life by letting you go. He wished he could turn back time and fix his choices, but he knew he couldn't. All that was left for him was regret and the memory of the love he let slip away. He would never forgive himself.

I'll give a gift to whoever can guess who the other man I described at the end is ᵔ⤙ᵔ

I haven't fixed it yet so sorry for any mistakes.

ㅤㅤㅤ

[lipgloss05]

It’s so funny to see that the same people who say that Viserys was such a terrible father are now saying that Aegon is the father of the year. Like, dude, did we read the same book? Are we watching the same show?

They had a scene of Aegon forcing Jaehaerys out of his lessons to take him to the council meeting with no other purpose than to feed his ego and show off his power to the lords of the small council and suddenly he became the greatest father in Westeros.

Aegon has been way more neglectful of his children than Viserys ever was to them. We have scenes of Viserys joyfully holding Aegon and supervising his sons’ training, so why is he a terrible father and Aegon is a great father? What makes them different?

And the scene where Aegon takes Jaehaerys to the council was nothing more than a power move he used to show the green council that now that they crowned him, he can do whatever he wants and they have no other choice but to obey and respect him. He wasn’t interested in Jaehaerys learning anything at all. As soon as he felt satisfied with his little display of power in front of his council he sent Jaehaerys away. What I saw in this scene was an egocentric clown using his child more as an ornament to his newfound power rather than a father wanting to educate and spend time with his son.

Seriously, if Aegon is the father of the year, Viserys is the father of the century.

[bapydemonprincess]

I could imagine, deep down- as in so deep down she doesn't even know herself) -Sebastian having a fear of being in a female form and fully recognized as a woman, after centuries of servitude and the expectations of like, 90% of the people who summoned the demon being greedy selfish men more than anything.

And thus if Sebastian really feels like being female while in the current contract/life as Sebastian Michaelis, any changes she makes- if at all -to be more feminine are very subtle. Very careful. Most don't even notice at first..

Like a slight change of voice tone, a change in posturing, maybe wearing the barest minimum of makeup...

And of course, the one to finally FIRST notice, would be Grelle Sutcliff.

Who makes a big deal instantly about it, GASPING and GRINNING and RAMBLING ON about "HOW LOVELY YOU LOOK, DARLINGG!! Oh, so elegant and gothique! Even if you still wear the suit of a butler, you hold yourself, truly, like the woman in charge!! One hell of a governess, one could say!!"

Of course that tiny, tiny, hiding, unknown fear deep down has the demon IMMEDIATELY snapping and biting at this revelation, even as her pale complexion burns with red; in realization.

"If you've arrived to merely make accusations on my appearance and do nothing more, you are not welcome, so.. GET OUT!"

And the demon is especially aggressive on this day, diving in with butter knives to lunge at the woman.

Who yelps! Confused about this reaction!! Grelle has always known this particular "butler" to be very egocentric about his- her??- THEIR?? -appearance, and to fluff up like a crow at any compliments tossed their way...

And her confusion makes her clumsy and one or two knives even get her, giving her tiny slices here and there as her focus is still locked on this reaction.

And half way through this half-frantic, one-sided battle, the butler STOPS, and GLARES at this opponent.

"Grelle," Sebastian calls to her.

"Er- Yes??"

....

She looks like a startled cat who got caught trying to take something..

Sebastian burns and glares further.

"I told you: GET OUT! You're not even avoiding my knives! Do you plan to dance around, letting me slice you up for once??"

Grelle Sutcliff blinks.. and takes a moment to touch the red liquid sliding down her cheek... as if she didn't even feel it.

...

And then after a second of staring at her own blood on her fingers...

Grelle's eyes hood themselves, lashes shading green gleaming pupils, and her lips curl up once more as she starts to lap at her own blood on her black gloved fingers.

... And kind of goes overboard, just licking her own gloved digits in a very obviously symbolic way as she keeps her eyes on that red, red RED butler that is normally not.

"Mmm I might, I could use the work-out, I suppose.. and I do so love getting physical with you," she purrs.

And then adds after a purposeful pause:

"Ma chère."

Knives rain down upon the reaper in seconds, and finally, she has no choice but to leap away and leave the scene.

But all the while the red, romantic reaper is thinking of all the ways she will in the future woo her lady; from letters to the language of flowers.

And keeps that last image of the other in her mind the whole trip.

Of a Demon, affronted, like a WOMAN scorned.

But also a wide realization in those red, red, slit pupil eyes. (slit pupils like a creature PANICKED, AFRAID, CORNERED!)

That someone finally sees a woman in the butler livery. In this traditionally male uniform!!

And Grelle of all people, knows how this feels.

Knows that that is fear.

And plans to do something about it.

[le-panda-chocovore]

What do you think are Gojo and Geto’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

Until now, have you found any couple (canon or non canon) from any media (books, tv series, movies, anime/manga, etc) that the dynamics remind you of Gojo/Geto?

Thanks if you want to answer....

(I forgot this ask in my drafts sorry)

Asking me to ramble about my hyperfixation when I'm too tired to write in correct English is cruelty actually /j

I think their strengths are mostly the same as their weaknesses. (It's only my take on them, everyone has a different opinion)

Geto's empathic, he understands people, he likes helping, giving advice, protecting, and caring ; he makes a point to ensure that everyone around him is fine and safe. He's strong so he can bear with painful tasks, he knows he can, so he doesn't complain about it. He has a great sense of morals and responsibilities. It's all amazing qualities, until it became too much. He was caring too much, worrying too much, enduring too much, and he drowned under the weight of everything he fought so hard for. His morals contradicted his will to help people and he had to make a choice. He loved people so much he couldn't bear to see his friends die, so he sacrificed the entire world to protect them. I think his greatest weakness is that he loved his close ones more than he loved himself, so he didn't even think about asking for help because he didn't believe people would care about him as much as he cared about them.

Geto, like everyone else, would say that Gojo is selfish, which is ironic because Geto is the one who kept everything to himself and didn't let people worry about him. He tried to fix himself alone, then decided he didn't need to be fixed.

Gojo's selfish, egocentric, forgetful, defiant, and is very much in love with his best friend. Those are weaknesses, to be clear. He's also kinda naive, because he believes things will be fine no matter what, but this is just another side of his arrogance. He hates authority figures but he needs to be told what to do because he is not able to regulate himself. He needs someone to draw a line for him, but he cannot express the importance that person has because he doesn't think it matters. Not that he doesn't believe they'd care but because he thinks they already know. (They don't- again, it's because of his arrogance). He doesn't realize nor understand how other people feel, but that doesn't stop him from reacting accordingly. Because he knows what it's like to suffer, to be lost, to be betrayed, to be lonely. He is not empathic, he doesn't feel what people are feeling, but he was so self-centered that he lost the person he loved the most, and now that he knows the pain he can project his own emotions on others. He's selfish and egocentric, so he saw people he could take care of and decided it'd be his responsibility to ensure they'd grow up happily. He doesn't care what the higher-ups think, he will do whatever pleases him. He also doesn't care what those people he takes care of are thinking, he forces himself into their lives because he truly believes he can make it better -and he does. (arrogance, the good side).

Gojo is arrogant and strong, he thinks he can change the world and deal with the consequences. He knows he can fight anything, so he doesn't actually worry about threats, even though it sometimes hurt his students. He proposes a status quo because he knows no one can fight him. He manages to keep Yuuta and Yuuji and Megumi safe by pure defiance.

Also it's canon that Gojo's mortal weakness is Geto himself.

What I love about them is perhaps the metaphors, the parallels, and the co-dependency. They're literally soulmates, they're a perfect match, they value each other so much it's overwhelming. They're also dumbasses and I love that kind of ship. They're handsome and pretty and gorgeous. They're smart and stupid at the same time. They're so in love that 9 years apart weren't enough to kill that. They're both little shit but one knows how to pretend to be nice. Literally EVERYTHING Gojo does as an adult is because of the influence Geto had in his life. They know each other so deeply that a simple glance is enough to recognize the other. Geto's body broke through Kenny's control because Gojo was in danger and it was the FIRST TIME it happened in CENTURIES. Hell, what is there NOT to love about them ??

Anyway. They make me think about Orpheus and Eurydice from the Greek mythology (He looked back. He knew she shouldn't, but he looked back because he loved him). I recently read a post that compared them to Achilles and Patroclus and I was like, oh, yeah, that could work. Also, they kinda have a vibe of Steve and Bucky from MARVEL. Like, childhood friends who liked messing around together until one got lost and followed a dark path while the other had to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders and was so praised and admired that he wasn't allowed to have a life by himself. Years and years later they met again and memories came back and the world fell apart. They're enemies know, opposite sides, there's only one way to stop the other. But. But they still love each other. (I'm going to make myself cry)

I could write so much more but I'm going to stop here because I have the feeling that I'm already annoying lmaooo

[juliaaa420]

Couple of thoughts on Life is Strange: Double Exposure, though this post is mostly just my interpretation of the “Sacrifice Arcadia Bay” ending. I’ve finished the first episode of LiS: DE (going to play more soon), so any spoilers here are only about the first part of the game. I actually already have so much (bad things) to say, but this one is about Chloe and Max

Although I love Chloe (she’s literally my highest kin of all time, lmao) and always chose the ending where she lives, I get the other one. It’s logical, it’s rational, Chloe even wants it herself (after all, it was her idea that Max goes back in time and lets her die). The Bay ending seems just normal. But that’s also what makes me love the Bae ending even more.

Chloe always seemed like an egocentric, irrational, and selfish character, while Max is the opposite. Max is altruistic and calm, the whole game is about how different people are and how Max tries to help them all. The only thing Chloe and Max have in common is their past. They are united by shared memories, that’s why they get along. But the thing is, that in the Bae ending they switch sides. Now Chloe is thinking about other people and Max is thinking about herself. Chloe wants Max to save the city, Max wants to be with her best friend/love interest (whatever you choose).

I also believe Max choosing Chloe over the city has something to do with a feeling of guilt after ghosting Chloe through her worst period of life. I feel like this ending is paradoxically about redemption. “Paradoxically” because Max sacrifices the whole city just to save one girl, which is not really morally correct, but she does show that now she will never leave Chloe. The ending is about a promise. The promise to stay together and never part.

But there’re also a couple of things that make this ending more bitter (not considering sacrificing the whole city, lol). Even though Chloe is alive, her feeling of not being worthy just triples.

We can already see that Chloe often thinks that she doesn’t deserve things, it’s a constant feeling in “Before the Storm”, it’s an expected emotion after William’s death, hell, she has the same damn problem in alternative universe, where she’s disabled and dying. Her parents pray for even a minute of her life and are ready to do anything for it, but she can’t feel grateful, the only thing she feels is guilt and shame, like she’s a dead weight and only brings more pain. It was Max telling her otherwise.

And with this kept in mind, just imagine how she would feel when Max decides that she is, in fact, more worthy. Imagine how painful and terrifying this would be for Chloe. Feeling that for someone you’re worth more than every single life in this city, while your own self-value is at the lowest.

I’m sure that after the Bae ending Chloe thinks about this every day. The worst part is that it wasn’t even her choice. Chloe was absolutely ready to die (again, the Bay ending is her idea) at that point, it was Max making the call. It’s both painful and beautiful. In the Bae ending Max is showing Chloe that she can be loved, valued, and cared for.

So, what happens to this philosophy in the new game? They part ways. Great. Thank you, Deck Nine. You absolutely ruined the whole idea of the first game.

I thought they just made the Bay ending canon, but oh man, now I wish they did. I was unfortunate enough to read Max and Chloe’s text messages, this is just painful for me. You’ll wanna sit down: now Max is blaming Chloe for not thinking about the dead people enough.

Yeah. You read that right.

Max sacrificed the whole city, a lot of people died, and now she’s blaming Chloe for wanting to move on and start a new life together. But what are you supposed to do in this situation? You can’t fix it, you can’t go back (well, you can, but the ending is literally about just not wanting to), you can’t resurrect the dead. Chloe has already gone through a similar trauma: death of a loved one is the situation you are unable to influence. All you can do now is try to build a better future, try to appreciate what’s left. And now Max and Chloe need each other most of all. It’s a new shared memory, a depressing one, too. As I said, the Bae ending is about never parting again.

The most irritating part of it is how Chloe has absolutely nothing to do in this situation. New Max pulled so much weight on Chloe��s shoulders and now is rubbing salt on the wound. Chloe definitely still feels like she doesn’t deserve all of this, and Max is literally telling her that. It’s so not Max. Max wouldn’t be like that at all. This is a contradiction to the first part of the series.

So, final thought — I will pretend like this game doesn’t exist. Or it’s about some different Max and some different Chloe that have nothing to do with Life is Strange franchise

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[narvana27]

Why Omi would be a bad shoku warrior:

Many might think that the best choice when it comes to picking a leader would be Omi. Why? I think it's because of the fact he's kinda like the main character. Kinda. Cuz in theory there's 4 main characters and that obviously is Omi, Rai, Kim and Clay, but Omi is the first one we see, the first episode is basically focused on him realizing he’s there as a subject of teaching and not the teacher, and he probably has the most episodes that are mainly about him. He has the biggest amount of showdowns and maybe even the most quotes. He's also so fixated about being a xiaolin monk, he often talks about his honor and how he loves to fight and generally how awesome he is. Even my older sister who didn’t watch the show when asked said that Omi became a leader. Just because it suits him, right? He's ambitious, focused on his goals, this reality is everything he knows, so isn't it enough, isn't he a perfect choice? Well, no, and I will prove why *fingers cracking*

#1. Omi is too self focused, narcissistic & egocentric:

Don’t say he's just confident. Being narcissistic is not the same as being confident. He's cocky, he makes fun of others (Raimundo) for their mistakes, he sees himself as the better person in everything and tends to bend what he knows is bad when he really wants to do it to fit his own fake narrative. He loves himself too much, just too much for this position. I saw a quote that said If you want to see if someone is a narcissist you have to listen to how they wish you a happy birthday or any other thing. If they make it somehow about themselves - they're narcissistic. Omi does this, and the example is how when the monks tried to corrupt Dojo with gifts to see if he knows who's gonna be wudai or shoku warrior they all gave him something... normal. Rai - A chain with letter “D”,  Kim - basket with fruits and for Clay it probably was a hat cuz I don't remember. Omi gave him a portrait of himself. Not of Dojo but of him. Narcissist 100%

#2.He wants to be better than everyone and is blinded by that:

Remember when everyone got those kind of wu that were only theirs and they were supposed to like work with that one individual element? The ones they put on their hands? 😅 xD Anyway, Bean Roy knew Omi and the other monks the shortest, since he was the last “big villain" that occurred on the show. And yet he knew that his ego is so big and so prone to suggestions, especially the ones that might make him “even better" than everyone else, that he did go to his head and just whispers "Hey, u know u can use everyone's wu and u will be like super powerful after that?". That's all, he literally didn’t do anything more than that. With Raimundo when he did the same thing - he tried psychological tricks to break him, he had to search for deep things in his mind to do that. But with Omi it was a couple of sentences. A couple of words to make him go and STEAL someone’s belongings to become more powerful just for the sake of it.

#3. His weird relation with Chase Young:

Now, I think that this is a valid and a solid reason on it own to not trust that boy and to not make him a leader. Because how do you imagine a shoku that lies to his friends about what he's doing in the main villain palace and he's there because he wants to SET HIM FREE from the Sphere of Yun that Jack Spicer put him in?! Like what?! He did that ONLY because he likes Chase. And there's no denial he does, because he does, let's be real. We might say “He's just naive and he sees good in everyone”, but that's not what happened there and it had nothing to do with that. He set him free just because. Cuz he likes him, he's for whatever reason almost smitten with Chase. And maybe it's because Chase is like a fallen angel - He was good but then chose to be bad and now Omi wants to make him good again because he was one of the trio that stopped Wuya back in the day and he would like to worship him as he does this with Dashi & Guan? Or maybe because Chase teases him? He's constantly talking to him, Omi knows he wants him by his side and he feels... Special? His ego is most definitely a huge part in this. 100% 

#4.He's naive:

Omi is the youngest as some sources claims, but we all can agree on that I think. He might be under the age of 13 or 14 at ABSOLUTE max. I mean they're all pretty young, but there's still a difference between like 18 I would give to Raimundo at the end of the show or 19 I would give Clay and that 13 of Omi. He's young and he does not know anything about the outside world besides the temple. Maybe that's also the reason why he's so naive, but we see that many times in the show that he wants to make bad people into good ones almost in the blink of an eye. He tried that with Jack a couple of times and he almost wanted to be some sort of friends with him??? When Jack decided to join them he absolutely trusted him, which is so weird to me considering how much resentment and grudge he has and holds towards Rai for his past betrayal. Even when he proved his worth their trust, even when there was no doubt he's changed and knows better now - he still had to clap his goddamn mouth about how Rai is worse than him and the rest and he still doesn’t know if he can trust him. Yeah, but at the same time you saw nothing wrong with Jack living with you under the same roof, doing the same with Katnappe and having this weird thing going on with Chase? That makes sense Omi xDD. So yeah, he was not a good choice for a shoku at all, I hope you also see that if u didn’t before 🙂🙃.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Wowowow Miles is waking during the day??? Call me suspicious.

AAAAAAAHHHHH did he just fucking bloodbond Wynn???

Noooooo. I mean also I get it but this is such a fucking Miles solution?!? What the hell. 😂😂

But also why are his fingers in her mouth??? That just seems so unnecessary.

'Oh no I'm Miles, I know what's best even though it's often a bad decision, but I will take responsibility and will not confer with anyone else because this is my burden to bear, and also I just know better than all of them.'

Goddamnit Miles don't talk about fucking territory, reach down in your feelings and show Wynn that you care for her!!!

Also I still don't understand why this would help??? I was informed that this is what he wanted to do the night before and he wants to try to get her to 3 before Lucint.

Oh noooo Ventrue are arrogant? You don't say...

Yes Wynn tell him!!!! Make this fucker see.

Miles..... This is so not about you, it's about Wynn rn.

MILES people you associate with???? Even now you can't say you fucking care about her??? Goddamn you piece of shit. 😂

Of course he ignores you lmao, Miles can't be told he's wrong! That's crazy. Smh.

I mean.... At least he asked if she wants another? But is that really fairbif she's bloodbonded. Yeah like Wynn says she doesn't want it to be a choice because having to say yes to something you do not want at all is horrible.

Ooooooooffffffff y'all idk how I feel about this. I have a lot a lot of emotions. I just keep flashing back to when Britta was level 2 bloodbonded with fucking Rowlands and how obsessed she was with him and what he thought of her.

This has all been very upsetting and I have a lot of complicated thoughts and feelings about all of this.

😭 Wynn subconsciously walking past places where she thinks Miles is. Don't you see how fucked up this is!?!

Goddamn Wynn. I am so glad they're having all these talks, I just wish the reason wasn't so shit.

I can't. I know I am not saying anything about Wynn and Johnny's conversation about their kids, but I can't. I'm just sitting here, listening, crying.

Johnny calling Wynn family. 😭

Oh. My. God. She woke up in his fucking arms???? Pendragon why don't you tell Britta again that she can't have any power over you. You are WHIPPED.

What??? How did she lose all that blood?

Sore and aching from last night???? What the hell??? Is this a sex thing or a vampire thing? Or both? It sounds like someone took blood from her right?

Lmaoo now she also try to roll to not eat from him??? Isn't their relationship already complicated enough without her feeding and also bloodbonding???

Lex saying he is having her roll with difficulty 9 due to the circumstances, like he wasn't directly responsible for those circumstances! 😂

"Then feed" My mouth fucking dropped!!! They already bonded the night before. He wants her to bond more to himmmmm what a fucking creepy asshole Jesus!!! Did this man just try to trick her into going to lvl 2 bloodbond by making sure she wakes up at 0 blood????

Also don't you fucking so what Britta you sob you know what she is getting at!

WHAT IS WITH ALL THESE FUCKING BLOODBONDS BTW???. I NOT FUCKING READY FOR ANY OF THIS SHIT.

Don't you give that dismissive very well then! Sir!!! You should be on the naughty step for that! You're a bad boy!!!!!

God Johnny we need you and your kindness. 😭 Britta going to Johnny because she can trust him to help her not hurt anyone. THAT'S WHAT BRITTA NEEDS!!! someone nice, dependable, kind, with her best interest at heart! Not some fucking egocentric, selfish, uncaring, manipulative, toxic, horrible, teringhond of a man who would try to manipulate her into a bloodbond and then let her wander the halls alone when he knows thst she'd be scared and upset!

Johnny and Neil taking care of Britta. 😭 This is the content we need.

I'm sorry, he won't even give her the time to feed???? I swear!!!!

I love how much this coterie cares for each other and takes care of each other.

It's delightful to see the justicar and Pendragon squabbling over the coterie.

I think there is a chance that Wynn might be more than the justicar bargained for.

What does the thermos do???? Omg she is bloodbound through the thermos? I thought the whole thing was that you needed to feed directly from the source.

[heartz4vee]

Reminiscing

❝𝘐 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘺𝘦 𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘦 𝘖𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴, "𝘒𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘦, 𝘚𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘎𝘰𝘥"❞

Word Count: 1,316

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Winter King was an odd, odd man. But to his subjects and everyone else in the Land of Ooo, he was very eccentric. Positive. He liked to obscure things with a cover of goodness. He made everything better. He made everyone better. But, how true was that, really? He knew it wasn’t, and he couldn’t pretend it was. He knew who he was, he knew what he'd done within the course of his life, and he’d come to terms with that. He was trying to, at least.

Winter sat on the floor of the ice cold room and watched his ice Marceline strum on her bass guitar, smiling as she did so. He liked watching her try and come up with songs and melodies. He just enjoyed watching her in general. It made him think back to simpler times, when he first found her during the war. He was so different back then. What made him think he was responsible enough to look after a child? Especially in his growing state of madness? And when she got sick? It turned out to be so much worse than he initially thought it was. After that… Drastic loss and failure, looking at her now made him a bit sad. But at the same time, having her here, in a bit of an unethical way, it relieved him of that sadness, at least for a while.

He did wonder though; what would she be like now if he hadn’t failed her? Would she be happy? Would she even like playing music? Would he even still know her? Would he have remembered her… At all?

Eventually, the little girl stopped playing and she looked at him, her beady but frosty eyes looking at him with innocent curiosity,

“What did you think, Simon? I’m getting better, right?” Marceline was excited when she asked for his opinion on her growing skills. She was always excited when she was around him. It was something that put him at ease. She put him at ease. How could she not? She was one of the last bonds he really ever had. One of them anyway.

Winter just laughed and happily clapped his hands,

“It was beautiful, Marcy! You really are getting better..”

—

Sitting at his piano, he slowly pressed down on one of the keys, repeatedly. He wasn’t looking to play anything, not today. He was just looking to clear his head. Winter wasn’t one to dwell on the past, he preferred to look at the present, and what was to come. But he had his days where his thoughts consisted of nothing but memories from the past. They were always so clear, too. They weren’t vague or foggy, he remembered them all like they happened yesterday. It was something he looked at as more of a con than a pro.

He thought about himself a lot. Not in his usual egocentric way, but more about the way he was. How he used to be, how he is now. When he was still just ‘Simon Petrikov’, he was never a shy man, not at all. He was always a bit of an extrovert, not nearly as self absorbed as he is now, but his social skills were always lacking. He always enjoyed reading, and studying rare artifacts and philosophical ideals, all things he never got around to doing anymore now. He never really had time. It made him think too much about the past.

And what was he like now? An egocentric, morally corrupt ice wizard. He kissed away any opportunity at friendship, or anyone who seemed to want to get a bit too close to him. He did this as a personal choice, fearing the result of them disliking him when they actually get to know him, and fearing what he’d do when that happened. Saying he was afraid of what he himself was capable of was an understatement. He was horrified.

Maybe he was just a coward. Maybe he always had been, as much as he tried to hide it. It made him wonder how someone like Betty ever took an interest in him.

Betty?

He hadn’t actually thought about her in a long, long time. Was it a conscious effort? He wasn’t sure.

Winter remembered her perfectly. She was brilliant, very goal-oriented. She was somewhat like him, just a bit less cautious about things. She was… Eccentric. He remembered looking at her and always thinking about how much he wanted to be like her. Maybe that’s why he acted the way he did now. The two shared similar qualities, but she was always much nicer than he could ever be.

He had always been fairly apathetic when it came to most people and things around him, but not with Betty. He always had such a deep care for her, and it was a mutual feeling between the two of them. The two had never dated. It wasn’t something either of them were interested in at the time, and neither of them was what the other was looking for at the time, gender wise anyway. But nevertheless, they had a very strong bond, they were drawn to each other. Maybe their friendship bordered on obsession, that was something he could realize now. At the time though, it wasn’t the conclusion either of them came to.

Maybe they just didn’t know that friendships weren’t supposed to harbor that level of obsession. Maybe they were both just two lonely people with so-so social skills trying to navigate their interpersonal relationships on their own. They were happy with what they had at the time. In those moments. She was really the only person who was ever able to become that close with him. She was the only person he’d ever cared about on such a deep level. He missed the feelings he had with her. The feelings of excitement, and the joy he got from being around another person. The late night conversations they had that would lead to nowhere, but they didn’t care, they were just having fun. It was feelings he longed for. Feelings he ached for. Feelings he despised.

Then she died.

He didn’t remember how.

He didn’t remember when.

Whether it was something he could have prevented or not, was something he’d never really know. Perhaps his brain just repressed that part of all of this. He was fine with that, but at the same time, he was itching to know. The only thing he knew was that she was dead.

Winter was… Lucid. He was there, he knew that for sure. It wasn’t something most could say about a lot of Simons. But, while he was no longer fully affected by the crown’s madness, it still left some lingering insanity within him. Most days his memories of the past were fogged and out of place, others they were as clear as day, it felt like he was reliving those moments. It was weird. He found that on some days he felt like him, he felt like Simon, and as odd as it felt, he enjoyed it. But other days, he felt like he was still under the full effects of the crown. When he stood up to do something, and suddenly felt like he blacked out for a second, and found himself doing something else instead. When his mind was storming with nothing but anger, despair, and fear. Never knowing what was going on around him.

It was a repulsive experience.

Now, all he could do was sit. Sit in his wonderland of ice, snow, and his own delusions. No longer having his best friend who was long gone and dismissing any thought or mention of her. No longer having the adorable, helpless little girl he failed to raise. He just had himself and his thoughts in the walls he built up around himself.

He hated reminiscing more than anything.

[dekusleftsock]

Toga Himiko - To want a savior

When we think of Himiko, we often come to the conclusion that she is a girl of tragedy. Someone who has repeatedly been rejected by the society around her, and turning her into a “real villain”.

But have we stopped to think that Toga has already chosen to be saved? Let’s talk: the mind and choices to Himiko.

What is a hero?

Now, I’ve kinda talked about being a hero a lot. But I wanna ask the question, what does being a hero mean to Himiko?

Lets go back to our first introduction to Toga, why did she join the league?

Horikoshi often describes Stain as a “dark hero” or vigilante over an actual villain, making Himiko’s inspiration feel out of place (im not completely sure on this, I think he did? If I’m wrong sorry!! Working off of a vague memory I read of an interview). Stain has always had a motive, and that motive is to rid the world of “bad” and “corrupt” heroes. In stains belief system, a Hero is someone who is willing to sacrifice everything for the safety of others. Things like monetary pay or an egocentric Justice, things that Iida or Ochako have as reasons to be heroes at the beginning of mha, are villainess things in his mind. (Stain also questions the ideas and boundaries of what “true villainy” is because, to be honest, it’s a pretty relative term. It depends on your morals and ethics over anything else, and that kinda gets muddled and fuzzy the bigger the group. Also, are villains and criminals different? Like aoyama?)

So what does this mean for Himiko? Well, we don’t really know. We’re working off scraps, a vague idea of “being free”. Maybe she believes that fulfilling stains ideas will somehow bring this freedom, because she will only be around “true heroes”.

What we do know, is that she sees Izuku’s sacrifices with his beat up body, and Ochako’s impressive tenacity and empathy for others, and she adores it. She LOVES THAT SHIT. Of course, she could also just be attracted to Dekus blood or Ochakos life, but I think it’s more than that. Other than age, there’s no one in the league or general villains (that we know of) that she has developed these admirations or crushes on. She loves the league, but she certainly doesn’t admire them.

But she does admire Ochako and Izuku.

She “chose” two hero students specifically. Two students that have repeatedly proven themselves for their heroics. They are the ideal heroes in Stains eyes, because they repeatedly sacrifice.

Because Toga Himiko, would like to have someone who would sacrifice for her.

Do you want kill me too?

Himiko doesn’t hate heroes. She never has. Heroes have never been considered to her as a direct issue. Everyone else in the league was somehow done wrong by a hero, one way or another. Usually, this wrongness is then taken in as a vulnerability for someone else (like afo) to nurture into a festering hatred. Shigaraki and Dabi both experienced this, and spinner simply followed in Shigaraki’s footsteps after the (poorly written) fantasy racism that he experienced. (I refuse to just say racism, because it’s not at all an accurate portrayal of how racism works and it will continue to NEVER BE an accurate portrayal. Ever. I want to make that clear)

Himiko, however, has had an indirect grooming to some extent. This puts her in an interesting place of vulnerability; one that afo exploits and Ochako ignores.

Going all the way back to 289, this chapter encompasses two things: Himiko’s crush and Himiko’s hope.

Her crush, not understanding of what she’s saying or asking, is obviously confused by this inadvertent confession. Ochako doesn’t realize until 348’s “unrequited love” chapter what this whole scene meant to Himiko.

Because, not only is this her direct confession, but an inadvertent call for saving. Of course, Himiko’s idea of being saved by Ochako, and Ochako’s idea of saving Himiko, would be very contradictory.

But it’s still there.

This is Ochako’s chance.

And she BLEW IT!

And god, she knew it. She knows that’s what this is, that’s what this realization was.

Because Ochako is supposed to be the hero that makes other people smile, not to be the one smiling.

Her thinking of Himiko during her speech? That was Ochako realizing her call for help.

Thinking of Himiko after her confession to Izuku? She realized that it was, not only a call for help directed at Izuku, but that her previous interaction was a confession.

The real Himiko Toga

So, that begs the question hero, who is the real Himiko Toga?

I don’t think this is about not loving someone. Himiko does love people, she only wanted to “become” Jin when she desperately needed to be. Because Jin loved Shigaraki and Dabi, Jin loved Toga Himiko.

And that’s something that she can’t do right now. She can’t love shigaraki, she can’t love afo, she can’t even love dabi, the man who gifted her that vile of blood. She can’t even love herself because of it.

That is, if love is the only factor here.

She can still love Dabi or Shigaraki, she can still admire afo, but that doesn’t mean she admires their hatred or loves their destruction. Jin loved people, he loved the life he built in the league. Himiko admired that happiness, she loved and cared for him. Thats why she can use his quirk but no one else’s.

What if, she needs to both love and admire someone? What if she never loved Izuku, but admired his heroics, like Ochako?

The scene that ochako thinks of here is actually Himiko calling out Ochako directly on loving someone.

This is about their shared crush, but was that crush ever real? Did it ever even matter? Is it just about their first interaction, Ochako’s obsessive rumination over this one interaction? Is this a callback to “ever since I met you, I just couldn’t stop thinking about you”?

What if it’s all of those things? It’s not so far fetched to believe that Ochako needs to use her thoughts, her love, and her admiration to save Himiko.

Because this is Ochako and Himiko’s acceptance of their crushes, heartbreaks, and admirations. Admiration and love get so muddled over time. There is a difference, especially when that admiration only holds you back, like in Ochako’s case, like in Himiko’s case. But they’re still apart of the same concepts.

Himiko’s love also isn’t just romantic, it’s familial or platonic. She’s rough around the edges, but the Himiko that went to Ochako to see if she would be saved is still there. And that’s why she’s not letting her go anymore.

Because Himiko Toga, the real one, still wants to be saved.

[heinzpilsner]

Okay, another part of 'Overanalyzing beach Maiko' series here! And I want to assure you that even though it looks deceptively like 'Roasting beach Mai' series to the unaided eye, it's actually not the case. The differences are here. Somewhere. Probably.

I roast Zuko too.

Anyway, in the last part, Mai said 'hey', and Zuko said 'are you cold', and Mai slapped Zuko's hand off, so I guess this leaves their relationship status in the border area.

So, what's next?

Well, despite the fact that their interactions keep going quite actively after this, we're not gonna see any real relationship progression for quite some time.

So, I suggest to take this as another opportunity to yell at study the characters instead.

And it opens with the roasting of Ty Lee.

(The structure of the beach polylogue makes it quite difficult to build a laconic presentation of the context, so... Let's just rely on our memory this time, shall we?)

Zuko: "You're stuck in your little 'Ty Lee world' where everything's great all the time." Mai: "Zuko, leave her alone."

You know, this moment almost made me suspect that Mai cares about the other girl! It would actually make my "she can't care about anyone but herself" hypothesis wrong, which would leave only one explanation for the "bring me food" moment (That is, Mai just didn't care about Zuko in particular.)

But then, after Ty Lee got emotional and cried, and there was no defender for her among their group, Mai decided it was a good time to criticize her as well.

She had a choice between expressing her annoyance (and intelligence) and sparing Ty Lee's feelings, and she prefered the former. Emotional support of her upset friend wasn't even among the options, apparently.

So, I suspect, the "defense" of Ty Lee was hardly more than another instance of scolding Zuko for being angry.

Apparently, Mai just gets disturbed (and hence annoyed) by any display of vivid negative emotions in her close circle. And if there is one thing in life she truly cares about, it's her own emotional comfort.

Simply put, Mai needs fun and pleasure, and all this dramatic shit around only sucks her energy out.

Smart choice of a boyfriend, by the way.

Pffft.

("But she said she cares about Zuko in the end!", I can hear someone protesting. Don't worry, we'll get to it.)

Mai: "I don't believe in auras." Zuko: "Yeah, you do not believe in anything."

That's a curious accusation here.

I wouldn't be surprised if there were times in the past when Zuko tried to talk about something important for him with Mai but recieved a cynical reaction.

But there's no proof for this, obviously.

Besides, as we soon learn, Zuko is not that good at identifying true sources of his frustrations.

It's still my headcanon though.

Mai: "Oh, well, I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you."

But... What believing or not believing in things has to do with being high-strung?  This answer just sounds so unnatural in the context. As if Mai responds not to Zuko's words, but to writer's plan her own thoughts here.

(Quite a typical behavior for an egocentric though, when I think about it.)

Still, why would Mai want to change such a convinient topic? Cynical people who proud themselves on their intelligence love talking about how stupid it is to believe in things. It's basically that Mai 'auras' answer was about. And then suddenly this awkward shift.

It's a shame, actually. To me, it would be much more interesting to hear about Mai's beliefs than to focus on imaginary "not expressing your feelings" problem.

Also, I love how Mai just casually called Azula crazy. So much fear here, if you catch my meaning.

Zuko: "I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high-strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feeling bottled up inside."

When. When Mai ever kept her feeling bottled up inside? When she's bored - she says so repeatedly. When she doesn't like something - she criticizes it right away or glares at you fiercely. When you make a scene at the party - she yells at you "for once" (even though she was bored and you put quite an exciting show here, which makes her reaction kinda contr-intuitive. How interesting of an interlocutor Ruon-Jian was, anyway?)

The fact that you can't find among the feelings she expresses something you looking for, or don't find their expression intense enough is a different question entirely.

The fact that she avoids discussing problems you want to discuss too.

For some reason, you just keep barking up the wrong tree here, Zuko. I wonder if you ever heard about different nervous activity types. Or different life views. Or different anything, really.

But this is not the main problem here, obviously.

Zuko: "She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?"

Yep, Mai's self-worth is not affected as heavily by other people's opinions as yours, Zuko. What a terrible tragedy.

Mai: "What do you want from me?"

A really good question. What do you want from Mai now, Zuko? A magical transformation into Katara a person you wish her to be? Or an explanatory note for thinking and reacting not exactly like you'd prefer?

Surprise, she doesn't owe you anything! Your frustration with Mai's personality is your own problem, and you'd better start asking yourself what you really can do about it.

Take your love life in your own hands, boy, and I didn't mean it like that, you perverts or stop terrorizing your not-quite-ex-girlfriend for not meeting your emotional needs.

(You still didn't apologize to Ty Lee, by the way. Kinda ooc of you.)

Mai: "You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn't. I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted..."

Well, this part is definitely truth.

Mai: "...as long as I behaved and sat still, and didn't speak unless spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about."

Ahhh, this part though is much more tricky.

You see, for all we know, Mai's mother could just try and prevent Mai from throwing kitchen knives at her father's important guests or from saying that their make-up is abomination. Poor little Mai though would remember it as a terrible oppresion of her self-expression for the rest of her life.

More importantly though... Even if what Mai says here objectively took place in the past, I highly doubt what it's a good explanation for her demeanor.

I mean, Toph has quite a similar background, and... Did you see Toph?

Honestly, it looks to me more like a natural temperament kind of thing. It's just the way Mai is. Maybe environment affected her to a certain degree, but I don't think its influence was crucial.

Sometimes her emotions are more intense, especially during fights, but it doesn't mean she hides some kind of oppressed passionate girl underneath her languid mask or something.

So stop trying to dig her out, Zuko, it's getting embarrassing.

Azula: "You have a controlling mother who had certain expectations, and if you strayed from them, you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything, and why you can't express yourself". Kinda cheated with this one, didn't I

Okay... first of all.

Why. Just why on earth everyone keeps saying Mai doesn't express herself? Are you blind, people? Or maybe you're deaf?  The Mai I know is one big walking talking act of self-expression!

The real problem here is that apart from her annoyance, boredom and hunger she doesn't have much to express in the first place. Because in reality, she's no more than a hedonistic self-centred brat whose lack of proper occupations and interests in life left her on the verge of depression.

And sorry, local beach ghost of an amateur psychoanalytic who's currently possessing Azula, but most likely Mai's mother's "tyranny" has nothing to do with it. Breaking news: not everything in human psychology can be explained by mommy or daddy issues.

I'd assume here much more prosaic explanation. That is, during the last decade, Mai was mostly focused on her school life, while in her free time, knife throwing and passive entertainments were her only hobbies. So, when the school ended and nothing else started, she suddenly found herself in a vacuum she didn't know what to fill with.

And since Mai is a spoiled infantile, she's always waiting for something to happen, or for someone to give her something to do instead of asking herself that she can do to change the situation fundamentally.

And apparently, being in "love" with Zuko is her only real entertainment nowadays. That's why she hey-ed him so soon after the break-up - Mai's life's emptiness reached the 'uncomfortably painful' stage at this point, so even the emotional discomfort caused by Zuko's behavior was more preferable than this.

And I don't know much about Mai being "afraid to care about anything", but I can say a couple of things about her being incapable of caring about anyone.

Growing up as a rich only child, Mai became used to the idea that everything around is about her. She's always focused on herself and her own needs, and subconsciously expects the same attention from other people (from her romantic partner especially).

It rarely occurs to her that people around may have their own interests, and "listening to Mai's complaints and entertaining her" are not among them. When the reality reminds Mai about the fact though, she just gets annoyed by such a nuisance.

I start to suspect now that her "are you cold" question in "The Awakening" was actually not about Zuko's comfort, but about Mai playing her unusual new role of a caring girlfriend. So, when her performance didn't get the expected appreciation, she immediately got frustrated - kind of like Zuko with his seashell, actually.

(Except that Zuko after this thought about something Mai really would want and went to get some ice cream. While the boy is not exactly a paragon of personal maturity himself, on his girlfriend's background, he honestly starts to look like one.)

Even after Mai's "I care about you" declaration, when she really tried to support Zuko in "Nightmares and Daydreams", it sounded like "I might be hungry for a whole tray of fruit tarts". It would be funny if it wasn't so sad, really. She had a vague idea that she's supposed to do something when her partner is upset, but even with it, she couldn't really break the egocentrical shell around her mind and see the difference between her own desires and desires of other person.

Pheeew. I finished.

Of course, all this doesn't make Mai a monster or something. The girl is only 16, and even if she wasn't, the way her personality was formed is a result of many objective circumstances.

If we look at the situation the way Mai's psychologist could, there's no point in blaming or shaming the girl - only to help her realize the problems with her attitudes and offer alternative ways of thinking.

But I am not Mai's psychologist. And I am pissed by how the episode ignores the real problem with the character and helps to promote the old pseudo-psychological myth that just blaming your parents is enough to "understand yourself".

My dear beach ghost, Mai is already a person with infantile way of thinking! She doesn't need an extra encouragement for accusing someone else in her problems.

It's not you who have to deal with her after this, you know.

Spare poor Zuko, the boy has a lot on his plate as it is.

Annnd I guess it's as good a place to stop as any other. We'll start the next part of 'Overanalyzing beach Maiko' right from Mai's... peculiar reaction to Azula's words. Yay.

Thanks for your attention?..

Fortunately I ignore all notifications.

[ruinaimagines]

Kind Of a weird request, but could you write some headcanons Of LOR plot If roland and argalia switched places?

Sure can, here they are! This accidentally mainly follows Argalia’s experience so hope you don't mind but there are mentions of Roland.

Library of Ruina if Argalia and Roland Switched Places Headcanons:

I believe before we get into this it is first important to establish what occurred before Argalia came to the library. In this scenario, Roland was likely the one to have been influenced by the pianist and thus start to descend into an inability to hold rational thought.

That said, we’ve seen that even before the pianist Argalia wasn’t the most.. Stable to say. I could absolutely see him going on the same bloody rampages that Roland did when his sister passed, vowing to get revenge and strike down whoever was the cause of this.

The thing is that unlike Roland who ultimately had some sort of pity to those who he lashed out on, I don’t think Argalia would really care? He’s a man who is willing to do or exploit pretty much anyone should it aid his goal. Sure he isn’t totally heartless, and I believe he is capable of harboring care for people just not really strangers he doesn’t know.

He grew up with Angelica, her being basically his only constant in life, so it isn’t super surprising to me that he would risk it all out of some emotional impulse.

Iori is still the one to bring him to the library, though I don’t know if she would be as confident in her choice as she would have been with Roland. Of course, nothing is guaranteed, she can only see the most likely predicted train of events and outcomes, so this is a bit of a gamble.

Argalia is very charismatic, but he also comes off as a bit egocentric. Probably pisses off Angela a lot, but ultimately manages to convince her to let him stay through his amicable facade. As much as he’d like to impulsively get this over with, he is aware that she’s a bit indestructible at the moment so.. The long game it is.

Comes off as a bit suspicious to the sephirah he meets. Sure, he’s nice to them and knows how to make good conversation, but there’s just this sort of unspoken tension. 

Malkuth, though a bit weirded out at first, is mainly upset at Angela over anything and is probably relieved to have some efficient helping hands on her floor. She’s very action oriented as he is (though he is capable of complex planning, he enjoys feeling like he’s physically making progress than being cooped up in a room), so I feel like they would click in those regards. He’s overall from her experience a pretty calm and friendly guy so she doesn’t mind him.

Yesod didn’t like Roland at the start, and he came off as a pretty easy going guy. I imagine it would be a similar experience for Argalia who’s trying to fulfill a similarly cordial role. I think he’d find Yesod’s attitude a bit funny, not taking his stand-offish first impression seriously at all. Because of his indifference to the librarian’s remarks it honestly might be easier for them to get along than initially expected.

Hod is kind of unnerved by him at the start.. He just sort of gives the same feel as Binah from her experience. Still, she’s willing to give anyone a chance and he seems to be pretty warm to her so far! His calm voice is a bit easier on the ears, and I think that her genuine niceness is a point of slight interest to him.

He can most certainly work with Netzach, but at least from meeting him he wouldn’t really care?? Argalia is kind of apathetic to people, so seeing this librarian so downtrodden is just sort of not really something he bothers himself with. What does intrigue him however is his great dislike towards Angela.. That’s something that he would want to hear more about. I think the two are more similar than they realize with both being willing to sacrifice it all for what they believe would create a better world, it’s just difficult to actually get to that point of realization.

Tiphereth is an endless source of entertainment to him with her short temper.. But also one that brings him a sorrowful feeling to see. Sure she’s great to tease but there’s just something that vaguely reminds him of when he and Angelica were children. This feeling only increases by tenfold when he learns of her dead brother and own story. It’s a complicated mix of feelings because Argalia has an innate desire to make sure she is free from harm, but also doesn’t want to see her because it reminds him of his own sister.

Gebura knew from the start there was something more to him. The way he knows exactly what to say, his carefree and alluring personality seeming to morph perfectly to fit who he meets, it all screamed that he was not just your everyday fixer. She makes this fact known well, but nevertheless doesn’t really treat him super poorly because it’s not really her job to care about his intentions. Argalia would be pretty entertained in response to knowing his guise was so quickly seen through, and by none other than the old red mist herself. Despite this, I feel like his questions to her would center around genuine curiosity, wanting to know her better as she was a famous fixer in his youth.

Chesed is like him minus the manipulation and facades, he’s actually like that. Very casual and relaxing to be around, I feel like they oddly enough would have conversations about the strangest of things. We already have seen how Chesed has gone on rants about making coffee, but take that and pair it with the unpredictable thought process of Argalia, you will have absolutely no idea what information they would be deep diving into.

Binah knows. That’s all I have to say. Even with Argalia’s perfect responses it is no match for the master herself. Still, as someone who looks at the world from the outside I believe she would consider him very interesting. Like a specimen to be studied. Invites him to many tea parties, wanting to pick apart his mind and figure out what in the world is going on there.

Hokma is a man who has the ultimate goal of following the one he values’ dreams until the very end, desiring to make them a reality. He is willing to do whatever it takes and believes firmly that through hard work they will come to a fruition. Even if his stern and serious personality might be a bit boring to Argalia, his ambitious wishes for the betterment of humanity align with his own.

Now then! The floor realizations are really where things get pretty interesting. The true reality of Argalia is revealed more and more with each realization, as his impulsivity, callous nature, and fear of loneliness are put emphasis on. 

It’s going to be a long ride but I do genuinely believe that Argalia can find it to forgive Angela as Roland did, and come to become more in touch with his insecurities and personality outside of the fronts he puts up. 

This probably occurs when he gets a chance to reevaluate what he values much. Yes, he is very upset about the death of Angelica, but what she would likely want more is for him to help the world with their own feelings of isolation instead of creating destruction. It’s not an easy conclusion for him to come to, but it is one I believe is possible especially when he finds that there are some librarians who genuinely are willing to reach out and understand him as a person, including all his flaws.

He still doesn’t like Roland though, and this includes when he brings his own equivalent of the ensemble. Coming to the realization that violence isn’t really going to help him recover in this case, it only leads him to detest his brother-in-law more. 

I think watching the stories of the people who are invited has allowed him to garner some more respect to those he does not know in the city. Definitely won’t turn him into a pacifist, but watching some of them suffer in ways that remind him of his own childhood just stirs something uncomfortable inside him.

I believe he is capable of following the route Roland did where he and Angela both forgive each other. Would it take a lot of character development? Yes, it would. But that’s what the whole game is about, and I do believe that he has his own genuine good-hearted desires.. Even if they are deep down and clouded by whatever mess he has going on.

[freesia-writes]

There has been a distinct theme on my dash today, and I wanted to make a separate post about it cause it applies to all fandoms and all writing in general.

PLEASE forgive anything that may come across insensitively; I’m using quote marks for words I don’t necessarily agree with but don’t know what else to use, and if my loving intent is blurred by any poor wording choices, feel free to call it out. 💕

Something amazing happens when a story is written through the eyes of a main character who experiences life through significantly different lenses than the prominently portrayed experience in media (white, cis, comfortable financially, hetero, neurotypical, etc etc), and I think it’s even more impactful when the story isn’t *about* the “differences”. A number of wonderful things occur here:

People who usually don’t feel represented or can’t relate to most media are given the chance to feel what “mainstream” viewers experience.

People who share traits with the main character don’t feel so alone.

People who don’t relate or share the experience can begin to understand it in a new way, more so than just “learning” about it.

I think it also can slip past the biases we all hold — my 67yo white dad isn’t going to read a book featuring a main character with anxiety and panic attacks if the book is something like “How to Have Empathy for Mental Struggles”, but when it’s this real, fleshed-out person and you’re hearing the experience through their eyes in the context of an awesome plot… It gets in there. ;)

It also provides such a rich opportunity to expand our understanding beyond our default egocentrism, in ways we might not seek out intentionally, and it can really open our eyes to social issues more than traditional activism, I think. Why?

Not everyone has felt the suffocating weight of depression, not as “just sadness” but as complete emptiness that makes you just want to sleep so life can pass by a little faster.

Not everyone experiences a racing mind, elevated nervous system, and feeling of being taken over by something other than “you” to the point where daily tasks are overwhelming.

Not everyone can relate to being unable to fall asleep because the waistband of your pants is too thick and is right across your hip bone and you sleep on your stomach and it drives you crazy if you can’t get it just right.

Not everyone can relate to feeling terrified to the core when your dad gets pulled over by the cops and you’re so worried that you want to vomit in the back seat.

Not everyone has lived with a disconcerting sense of not feeling at home in their own body, and are overloaded with all the voices screaming 8 million different things of what they “should” be or feel or do.

Not everyone has been accused of being lazy, inconsiderate, or undisciplined when they’re actually as well-meaning and loving as could be, but their brain works differently and sometimes time just gets away from them.

These are just a few examples, and maybe I’m way late to the game here and y’all are like… DUH. 😂🙈 But I was just so delighted with this new fic, where the reader is autistic, anxious, etc, that it sent me on a thought trail.

The main reason I wanted to lay it out is to encourage all you writers out there who LIVE these realities to bring them into your characters instead of trying to mainstream your stories so they’ll reach a wider audience or whatever your motive may be. We NEED to hear amazing fanfics and original works from experiences that are wildly different than our own. It will expand our understanding, increase our empathy, and hopefully bring more unity instead of all the arguing and clamoring to be heard.

But, as always, I’m just another idiot on the internet so take it with a grain of salt. 😉

xoxo

[thepascalproject]

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Character: Maxwell Lord

Attributes: Avaricious, manipulative, desperate, emotional

Favorite Quote: “You don’t ever have to make a wish for me to love you.”

I’ve got mixed feelings about this movie, ya’ll. It’s funny for how good the first movie was, the second just didn’t deliver. Well almost. The movie takes Diana Prince into the 1980s, where she works as a curator for a museum and does hero work on the side. But things change when Maxwell Lord and Cheetah team up to bring the world into chaos and it’s up to Diana to stop them, as she questions everything she knows about herself.

So Pedro can play the hell out of two archetypes (plus many more); the morally gray character and a single father. And Maxwell Lord is both of them. Pedro and Max were a match made in Hollywood heaven! And it did not disappoint. The film was upsettingly second rate but, as freaking usual, Pedro carried the movie and then some. He perfectly balanced a surprising amount of characteristics in this character—near unhinged desperation, emotional fragility, disingenuousness, and greed. I think it may be one of the more uniquely emotional performances I’ve seen from him.

I loved the duplicity of this role. One moment Max is an egocentric manipulator the next he’s a tearful, loving father. He’s a suave businessman making a commercial and then he’s a manic opportunist unhinged with greed. His arc was ten times more compelling than anything else going on in the movie. The best aspect was his relationship with his young son, Alistair (dad role #3) He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes multiple times as a father and it feels realistic. But nonetheless Max tries to prioritize him, and by the end of the film we understand it’s his own childhood struggles that influence his reckless choices. He doesn’t want Alistair to experience the same things he did. This is why we’re able to sympathize and care for him as a “villain”.

My favorite scene is the Black Gold commercial. It’s a pure 80’s cheese fest and Pedro just revels in it. His sense of humor def came out to play with this one. And it’s still just the right amount of fun balanced with arrogant villainy. My other favorite was his scene with the President in his office as he desperately tries to get him to make a wish (still can’t get over how the second he got the wishing stone he became it lol) Pedro acts his ass off—it’s so physical and emotional and unhinged. It’s super impressive and Wonder Woman doesn’t feel deserving of such a great performance! It doesn’t deserve Pedro period!

[struggling-burnout-perfectionist]

Revelries of the Forgotten

Our conversation started in a civil manner.

Well, perhaps not 'civil', considering how loudly you were speaking and

The way in which I flinched at the volume and

Refused to give longer answers for fear of conversation, 

But you spoke to me in a manner that was relatively peaceful

And you didn’t shout

And you didn’t swear.

Our conversation started in a manner that seemed almost normal,

As though we aren’t a dysfunctional family and there was the possibility for us to actually communicate,

As though we could ever have a shot at talking about our emotions and our truths.

You started speaking in a manner that wasn’t even fully passive aggressive,

Just on the border

And on the very boundary

Of shattering my heart once more,

Though it’s not like you’d ever care, despite all your words

Regarding how I am egocentric and all I care about is myself.

You wouldn’t care if you hurt me

So I am begging you to not lie to me again

With your perfect words and your harsh hatred.

I know that you started speaking in a tone that was peaceful,

But how can I explain to you that your voice is steel,

Like a blade that has been sharpened and yearns for blood

And for flesh so new and so sweet?

Of course you couldn’t understand: after all, the axe forgets whilst the tree remembers,

But how could you just not care?

Every single conversation we have, Father, you blame it on me,

Stating that I don’t wish to communicate with you,

That I don’t want to let you know anything about my life,

Whinging about “why don’t you ever tell me anything” and

All your recycled nonsense about how I am at fault and that I should talk to you more.

Father, though I hate you with all my being, let me give you some friendly advice:

Spoiler alert, communication goes both ways.

I’m not the only problem.

You might think that you deserve better and that I owe it to you

To tell you about my life and

How school is going and

All the secrets you think I am hiding from you.

You know, Father, you aren’t completely wrong:

I actually don’t want to talk to you and I avoid telling you anything about my life.

Father, do you know why that is?

Do you even care?

You keep on whining about how you are always playing the figure of a fool

At parents’ evening and that you are sick of me

Always hiding and never telling you anything about my life,

As though that means I have significant secrets to keep.

You’re right, Father, but I’m not in the wrong:

You always use anything I say against me and

Turn things into a game of blame

Where there is absolutely no cause for conflict.

You always turn it into a fight

Or into a lecture where you get to speak and

I am just there, listening

Whilst my brain forms a curtain between me and the abuse.

Long ago, I don’t know if you remember,

I used to speak to you, Father,

Excitedly telling you about my life and how things had changed,

Telling you about my grades, any achievements, any fights that I had gotten into.

Long ago, I thought you could care and that I just wasn’t trying hard enough,

That I could prise open your heart and that you would listen,

That with some patience I could gain your acceptance.

Long ago, I would have wanted you to care,

For you to be proud or

For you to quite simply ask about my day

Actually meaning it and caring for my response,

Wanting to know about my friends and my feelings and my perspective on life.

You know, I used to actually think that,

Like a character from my childhood books,

You could go to sleep and turn over a new leaf

And that you would then be capable of acting like a father to me,

Rather than a sperm donor who unwillingly became involved in my life,

With unfortunately no choice to abandon me or simply leave me for the wolves.

Though I actually wanted you to be there for me,

I don’t know what I want,

Considering all of that clearly shan’t ever happen.

I mean, I want independence,

I want money to pursue my dreams and

I want you to to take care of my brother

Because I want him to get the childhood he deserves,

The childhood that I never got.

I think that is what I want from you now.

I don’t care, you’re dead to me.

I don’t care, you’ve failed me on too many occasions.

I don’t care about my own needs anymore.

You see, I’m not egocentric:

You were wrong. I’m not like what you said.

I don’t need anything and I am low-maintenance,

Rather than the helpless monster you once described.

I don’t owe you anything and I can now grow.

But, on the inside, I still want to give you a second chance.

I am still that hurt child

Whom you slapped and

Whom you screamed at,

Before banishing me into a corner to reflect upon my actions

And upon the fact that my own father thought me despicable.

My whole childhood, I had to wrestle with the thought that even you couldn’t love me.

Now, after 15 years of your torment and your abuse,

I have made the ultimate decision: I don’t want you in my life anymore.

I want you gone,

Dead and buried, as though you never existed

Or as though you aren’t my father and

I was actually right all along in considering myself apart.

Yes, I don’t want you here, but I feel your presence everywhere.

I live under your roof, but I had hope and

I thought that I could separate myself and

That I wouldn’t have to face it all:

The brunt of your screaming, your fits of passion and your cacophony of swear words.

I thought I could escape.

One day, I thought that I could grow and flourish into my own person,

Who could ignore your screams and your anger, constant as a river eternal.

Yet, every time that you scream at me,

I feel the ugly anger rising up in me and

I realise that you will always be a part of me, despite my protests.

You’re within me, in the anger that hates me so

And that urges me to take up less space, to be quiet as nobody cares,

That voice that even urges the unthinkable, assuring me that a corpse is no burden

And that I deserve a fate that lies just outside my window

Or that my pain can be vanquished by painkillers,

As though all that pain could be diminished by death.

That anger that you always scream, that you’ve instilled deep within me,

Still fights against the very nature of my soul:

As I’ve said, I don’t want you in my life anymore.

I want to live on my own and flourish against all oppression.

But, though I can’t quite tell why, I don’t know how to live

Without the baggage of your abuse,

Without the trauma that you gave me,

Like a birthday gift so unwanted,

That cannot be cast away for fear of offence.

Though I don’t want to be like you and

Your anger is a curse I don’t wish to speak,

You are still in me when I cast myself away,

Isolating myself from all that might actually care.

I can’t cast away the gift of trauma that you bestowed upon me,

Despite that being exactly what you did to me all those years ago,

Refusing to ever acknowledge me as a human being.

[blood-on-my-french-fries]

Not trying to start anything, but as someone who was aware of this and still doesn't like her at all I want to share my point of view.

I do understand and agree she is desperate when we meet her, but that doesn't mean she isn't also power hungry, egocentric, and terribly paternalistic. I do not think there's any humility in her joining the Inquisition, cause it's not humility to know you are running out of choices, that's just being smart.

One could argue she sees power as a way to ensure her safety and freedom, after having endured growing up in the circle and the setting's current chaos; but if it was freedom and security for herself what she wanted, she had more than enough money and connections to move to Tevinter and join a circle there, where she wouldn't be important but wouldn't be imprisoned either. If she wanted freedom and security for everyone, she could have taken the chance to work into fully reforming the circles into teaching institutions that don't kidnap children, prohibiting the harrowing and making mages tranquil, removing the templars altogether and letting the circles regulate themselves.

Instead, she fights to cage mages once again just for a chance to get her influence back, cause the circle worked just fine for her and she's convinced she knows what's best for them better than themselves. If things go her way and she becomes the new Divine, she's a tyrant: She rebuilds the circles (albeit with more freedom than before) and the Templar Order, with her as head of the Chantry controlling everything and allowing no dissent.

The way she's convinced her way of life is what's better for every mage with total disregard about their opinions and experiences reminds me of those pro-life women who are always talking about motherhood being a joy and God's plan, but substitute God for Maker and motherhood for living in the circle.

Her being desperate is not enough for me to overlook she's willing to step on her fellow mages for her own gain, cause the only real danger she's in at that point is that of being irrelevant.

I really feel like so many people who hate Vivienne for being power hungry do not fully grasp and appreciate the desperation that Vivienne feels because she conceals it so well… as little content as she got, she honestly is expertly written and presented and it’s why it disappoints me so much when people hate her for surface level reasons… her writer deserves so much more appreciation.

I think it is subtle because she hides it and you really have to care about the character to seek out these threads and understand her motivations… she is in danger of total irrelevance, being cast aside by society (and history), and she is forced to ride the coattails of some upstart organization because all of the institutions she is invested in have either totally failed her or cast her aside.

She is clearly a prideful person who does not readily admit this… but her true talent is how clearly she can evaluate this and understand her own position. She suffers no delusions. She knows the Circle’s standing in society is diminished to nothing if it doesn’t house and account for the majority of mages, and she is left with just meek Chantry loyalists and sycophants who are lost without her guiding hand, as even otherwise pro-Circle mages with any sense have abandoned ship and left both rebels and loyalists at this point to see where the chips fall (Ellandra) - and the Chantry itself has been all but decimated in terms of military and political power. The one lifeline she has is the Imperial Court, and the fickle nobility have moved on from her - the mages are now a threat that she cannot control or offer any meaningful opposition to, and Celene’s favor has turned to Morrigan, and Vivienne does not know if she will ever have it again. She knows Bastien is dying, and that all that she has left at court will be those who hold kind feelings towards her such as his family, and that is a position she can never accept - being at the mercy of others.

We meet Vivienne, this impressive, powerful mage, who has made a life for herself by maneuvering brilliantly, all to improve her own standing, at a point where she is in danger of losing everything she has. And she doesn’t let on, at least not explicitly, but she joins the Inquisition out of desperation - it’s obvious she sees it as an opportunity, but the gravity of the situation for her isn’t clear from the start. She refuses to lay down and fade away. Vivienne would never had joined this fledgling upstart organization if she was in a better position at Court or there wasn’t a vacuum of power. She is very close to having nothing left, and starting over - and so she does. Before the rug can be pulled from under her, she gets out and sets off for herself again.

Vivienne, often accused of pride, privilege, and self importance, comes to the Inquisitor out of pure humility. She knows she is reduced. And her gamble ultimately pays off, and the Inquisition becomes the political juggernaut that it does, and she becomes more powerful and important than ever just by association. And I like to think, especially with an Inquisitor who respects and befriends her, that she plays no small part in shaping the organization.

I think this is also why, potentially, she plays it so cool at the Winter Palace. She doesn’t get involved… she doesn’t need to. Simply being present is a statement to the court, and she truly doesn’t care about who wins; it’s not just the Game, it’s personal, despite what she claims. That they cast her aside, and now they are interested again… not necessarily in her, but still, she sees the paradigm shifting again. She is now a part of the organization who gets to change Orlais, and favor with the Inquisition is quickly becoming just as important as favor with Celene.

The whole arc is a subtle one as she really doesn’t get much attention, but if you pay close attention, it shows how expertly Vivienne plays politics. We already know she came from nothing and maneuvered into a powerful position. But I think not everyone realizes she is nearly back to nothing when we first meet her… and through the course of the game’s events, by allying with the right people, she plays the game well enough to become an advisor to the most influential person in southern Thedas… and potentially even Divine. But her initial plea to the Inquisitor, for all the great lengths she goes to keep up the appearance of strength and invulnerability, comes from a place of utter desperation.