#was I thinking about making a sideblog for the boys? perhaps

[navybrat817]

We'll Always be Friends

Pairing: Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: It's time to have dinner with your friends, but your mind keeps drifting to Bucky. Word Count: 1.9k Warnings: Light angst, tension, friends reconnecting, unrequited feelings (or so you think), slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning) A/N: More Dreamboat and Butterfly from my Reconnect AU and a direct continuation of Waiting a Little Longer! ❤️ Beta read by @whisperlullaby, but any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You found it difficult to leave your room, even with your friends waiting downstairs. Reconnecting with Bucky though, it made sense why you wanted to be alone with him a little longer. That wasn't fair to everyone else. The group didn't hang out quite as often during the duration of Bucky and Dot's relationship, but you were looking forward to spending time together and catching up this week.

We've weathered through tough times and deserve some fun.

Bucky put his hand on your lower back as you made your way down the stairs. The man could hardly hug you when he was with his ex, but now he wouldn't stop touching you. Just like in your room minutes ago. Not that you were going to push him away. You more than missed the affection that used to exist between you two and each minute that passed seemed to make you fall back in sync. As long as you didn't get too comfortable, it was fine.

Everything is fine.

Everyone was gathered in the brightly lit dining room, food already spread out on plates as chatter filled the room. Steve, at the head of the table, chuckled at something Sam said. Sharon laughed as well and you couldn't help but smile as you observed them. Perhaps you were imagining it, but the atmosphere wasn't as thick as it had been over the last couple of years. Even Natasha's subtle smile was gentler, more relaxed.

Like old times.

"Hey! Finally!" Sam smiled once he spotted you, bringing everyone's attention your way. Steve's smile didn't quite reach his eyes when the girls greeted you, making you tense up a little. "We were about to send a search party after you two."

"No need for that," you smiled a little when Sam pushed his chair back. "No need for that either," you teased as he walked toward you, but to no avail. He enveloped you in a hug before you could stop him. The man was almost as tall as Bucky and Steve and just as muscular. The three of them were beautiful giants in your eyes.

"Nope. Not getting out of a hug," he said, dropping his voice to a whisper. "Give Steve one, please. He thinks you're upset with him."

You felt a little sick to your stomach as he pulled away. You hadn't meant to make Steve feel bad. "I will," you whispered back before you gave the blonde a small smile. He looked like a golden retriever who had his bone taken away. "Do I get a hug from you, too?"

Steve's shoulders dropped in relief as he got up. "Of course, you do."

Like Sam, Steve's hug was warm and friendly. They never held onto you for too long or linger the way Bucky did. A quick embrace and nothing more.

"It's good to see you. I'm sorry I rushed off when you got here," you said, wanting him at ease.

Steve shook his head and gave you a rueful smile. "I'm the one who should be sorry," he said. You didn't get a chance to ask him why before he went back to his seat. "And it's good to see you, too."

You turned your attention to the girls instead who looked perfectly at ease on their side of the table. Natasha and Sharon were as gorgeous as they were intimidating. A sultry redhead and a blonde bombshell, they could come across as unapproachable from a first glance. But they were fierce and loyal friends. You were lucky to have them in your life.

"Please, don't get up. I will hug you both after dinner," you begged when they scooted their chairs back. "I appreciate you waiting for us to join you."

"So the boys get hugs, but we don't. I see how it is," Natasha teased.

"No one hugged me," Bucky pointed out.

"No one likes you," Sam chimed in, drawing a laugh from the girls.

"Butterfly likes me just fine," Bucky said, making you nod and bite your tongue so you didn't blurt out how much you really liked him. "Sit next to me?" He asked hopefully, pulling out your chair for you.

"Since these are the only two chairs left, sure," you teased, gazing up at him as you sat down. He stared back at you before he took a seat. "How was the drive?"

"The storm slowed us down, but Steve got us here safe and sound," Sharon answered as everyone began to eat. Steve wasn't one to brag, but you caught him grinning for a split second. "But what about you two? Did you get up to anything before we got here?"

Just snuggled with Bucky and fell asleep in his arms.

Bucky looked up from his plate as you glanced at him. "We wanted to go swimming, but the rain ruined that plan and we ended up taking a nap," you said.

Natasha's eyes darted between the two of you. "You ended up taking a nap," she repeated slowly. "You slept together?"

Bucky coughed and shook his head as your eyes went wide. The redhead looked pleased with herself as she waited for an explanation. "I. We. No?" You answered.

"We fell asleep together on the couch. That's it," Bucky explained once he recovered from his cough. "Nothing happened."

That's it. Nothing happened.

You curled in a bit on yourself when Natasha frowned. "Yeah. What Bucky said," you agreed, ignoring his gaze.

You had no reason to feel sad. It wasn't as if Bucky meant anything by his response. He gave Nat an honest answer. So why did it feel like a brush off?

Steve cleared his throat when the silence stretched on. "Well, I'm glad we're all here."

Good ol' Steve breaking the tension.

"Yeah. When's the last time we all went to the beach together?" Sam asked. "Was it last year? The year before?"

Bucky moved his chair closer to yours, but you didn't acknowledge it. "Two summers ago for Steve's birthday."

Right before Dot.

Everyone was either kind enough not to voice the connection or didn't want to talk about her.

"That's right. You guys bought him a red, white, and blue Speedo," you said, remembering the redness in Steve's cheeks when he opened the present. A few drinks in and he ended up wearing them.

"They looked good on me. It would've been rude not to wear them," Steve defended himself as Sam laughed. "That was a good day."

"It was," you agreed, glancing around the table. "Perfect weather and company."

We'll always be friends.

Bucky caught your eye when he nodded. "You found a seashell on the beach and you were so excited because the color was the exact same shade of blue as your bathing suit," he said, smiling to himself as you listened. "You said it had to be some sort of good luck charm and made it your mission to find one to match my swim trunks so I'd have some good luck, too."

He remembered that?

"That was why you kept running back and forth between Buck and the water," Steve grinned, nodding to Bucky. "He wouldn't tell me what you were doing. Just that you were looking for the perfect shell."

"I was determined to find it," you giggled as Natasha and Sharon shared a look. "I must've brought dozens of shells over."

It was silly when you looked back on it, but Bucky obliged and let you have your fun. In fact, your whims and nature never once seemed to bother him. He supported them.

"You didn't give up. And about twenty minutes later, you found one," he said, rubbing the back of his neck when he added, "I still have that seashell."

You took a breath before a bashful smile crept up your face. "You kept it?"

"Well, yeah," he replied, casually putting his arm around the back of your chair. "You gave it to me."

The room went quiet and you felt everyone's eyes on you, but your focus was on Bucky. "I had no idea."

The thought that Bucky held onto something so small and seemingly insignificant because it came from you had your mind running a mile a minute. Why not get rid of it? Maybe the shell reminded him of Steve's birthday and he didn't want to let that go. The voice that led with your heart said he kept it because you gave him a tiny gift.

He kept something because I gave it to him.

Your smile widened before the flash of a camera went off, the softness leaving Bucky's eyes as you both blinked.

"Sorry. Couldn't help myself," Sharon said with an innocent stare when you tore your gaze away from Bucky. "Need photos for the scrapbook. You understand."

Bucky kept his arm on your chair as everyone began to eat again. "You're making one for this trip?"

"Yeah, I want to take as many pictures as I can."

In the past, Sharon had put together photo albums and scrapbooks full of memories of the group. Sometimes for herself, others as gifts to her friends. Each one was beautiful and special, a way to reflect on the past and appreciate the time together.

"No rain tomorrow, so plenty of chances to get some outdoor photos. Maybe we can play some beach volleyball. Three on three," Sam suggested.

"You just want to show off," Natasha smirked. She wasn't wrong. The guys enjoyed the competition. "But let's make it interesting. We win, you boys have to do all the chores this week. You win, we'll take care of them."

"And if we win, you boys also have to take us to the carnival in town and win each of us a prize," Sharon added, pointing at Steve. "I know you had the carnival on the list of things to do."

"And if we win, you'll win each of us a prize?" Steve asked.

"We have to win because I'm terrible at those games," you said. They were fun, but you couldn't remember ever winning a prize.

Bucky leaned over as the group began to debate whether or not carnivals rigged the games. "I'll win you a prize no matter who wins the volleyball game," he promised.

"I'll hold you to that," you said, giddy at the thought of him winning you a teddy bear or some other stuffed animal.

"You two up for a little drinking tonight or do you plan on falling asleep on the couch again?" Sam joked, interrupting your private conversation.

"I will drink. But if I have too much, Bucky has to carry me to bed," you said.

"What happened to calling me 'Dreamboat'?"

He's pouting and it's adorable.

"Okay. You carry me to bed if I drink too much and tuck me in, Dreamboat."

"Deal," he easily agreed.

"To the best week ahead!" Steve announced.

"And get ready to get your asses handed to you tomorrow," Sam added.

As everyone began to playfully argue again, you made a mental decision not to drink too much. Alcohol had a way of making people lose their inhibitions and the last thing you needed to do was blurt something personal out in front of the whole gang. Bucky promised that the two of you would talk and you would. Sober. But a fun night could be what you needed to kick off the rest of the week.

Things will start to come to light in the next part or two. A calm before the storm, if you will... Love and thanks for reading! ❤️ Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[flightfoot]

ML Fanfic Recs for 2023: 10K - 20K Words

So I’ve been going through and adding particularly good fics I’ve read throughout the year. Only Complete fics, of course. Enjoy!

Chat Noir and Marinette decide to fake date in order to get Buttercup jealous enough to confess. Why won’t that boy make a move on such a wonderful girl as Marinette? And why is he beginning to hope that Buttercup stays blind?

Adrien wakes up in Nino’s arms. Neither of them have any explanation for this, considering they were nowhere near each other the night before. 

Marinette and Zoe uncover a ring stashed away in a closet. Why does it have an unusual effect on Chloe?

Felix isn’t careful enough when he goes snooping around the Agreste Mansion. Gabriel decides that he can’t let him roam free.

Kim bets Alix that she won’t be able to attend all of her friends’ weddings in a row. She has never been one to turn down a challenge.

All this and more below the break!

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May I Introduce Myself, Your Highness? by @chocoluckchipz

Whether picking up a stray animal off the streets or saving a dying child at the market, Adrien had always strived to be the best version of himself. Truly, he would've been the perfect candidate to be snatched up by a kwami, were he an orphan, dying somewhere remote after a short life full of nothing but suffering and misery. Yet as it stood, the sole heir to the French throne had little to complain about. Apart from, perhaps, a complete absence of a love life. That is until a mysterious girl, wandering around his gardens at night, catches his attention.

I love Fantasy AUs. It’s a bit unclear what’s happening at first, but it all gets explained in the last chapter. Also don’t worry about the age gap between Marinette and Adrien at the start of the story, I promise it’s not a problem in the end.

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do you think I have forgotten about you? by @roseinaugust

Based on the song 'About You' by The 1975. Memory Loss. Told in alternating time lines, one leading up to and one dealing with the aftermath of Marinette relinquishing the Miracle Box and the guardianship. Marinette struggles with her life after losing her memory, though there is a persistent voice that calls to her that always seems just out of reach in her memory.

Beautiful memory loss fic here, with seeing Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s relationship before she gave up the Miracle box, juxtaposed with the present day, when Adrien is only a stranger to her. I could really feel how Marinette was struggling with navigating these new circumstances, with her friends seeming to expect her to remember, to be who she was to them, to Adrien especially, before, and her just... not knowing whether she can do that. It’s got a happy ending though, for those who are concerned about that.

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Creative Lies and Destructive Truths by @azuriteartist

Alya and Lila are two sides of a never-ending fight. The fight between truth and lies, between honesty and deception, between justice and personal gain. And now they have the powers to elevate that fight to a city-wide level.

Can Alya stop the deception before it destroys the city? And can Lila stop the truth before it destroys her?

So everyone who’s been around my blog for awhile knows how much I love Alya getting the spotlight (I mean my sideblog alyaappreciation is dedicated to her, because frankly, she needs it), and azurite’s lovely fic here is no exception. Fu ended up giving Tikki to Lila and Plagg to Alya. There actually isn’t tension between them at first, they get along well to start with, but Plagg knows Lila’s lying about things and eventually pushes Alya to take action once they grow alarming, until the two of them are both accusing each other of being liars as superheroes, and the public doesn’t know what to believe. 

I’m betting there’s more of this AU to come. I hope so, I love the consideration and agency it gives to both Alya and Lila.

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How Marinette Learned to Stop Worrying And Love The Ball by @rosie-b

Hidden from the crowds thronging around the busy fairy portal in Paris's town square, a fae gate sits at the edge of the forest, locked, rusty, and full of ancient magic. Marinette thinks that this abandoned gate must not work anymore... but one day, a fairy disguised as a black cat steps through it.

Ah, Fantasy Soulmate AUs, my beloved XD. This ain’t the only one of this fic type I’m gonna be recommending. This is just a cute fluff fic without much strife. I love Marinette and Chat Noir being able to be childhood friends via his visits, even if he has to pretend to be her cat whenever he comes over, and I ESPECIALLY adore Alya being his chaperone and quickly becoming friends with Marinette in her own right. It ain’t a complicated plot, but it is a nice and warm fic.

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Vengeance Noire by @phiellydinyia

After a horrific argument with his father, Adrien escaped from the mansion with his heart in pieces. In hindsight, it made sense why an akuma was sent his way. He shouldn't have let his emotions get the better of him.

But he never expected Plagg to be even more upset than he was. He never expected his own kwami to be akumatized. To become the threat of a city he swore to protect. And what's worse is the fact that Chat Noir can't jump in to save this one.

But Ladybug can. And that's why he has to find her as quickly as possible, suit or no suit.

I love some good Adrien angst, especially with a delicious side order of Plagg and Adrien’s bond with each other. Even as Adrien’s barely functional, though, he’ll do everything in his power to save Plagg, even if Plagg wishes he wouldn’t go quite that far. 

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the best laid plans (of bugs and bakers) by @mexicancat-girl

Paris is buzzing with the appearance of a new ladybug-themed hero, Scarabella.

Alya decides to use her second hero identity to help her best friend Marinette. A bit of her flirting with Marinette is bound to make Marinette's crushes jealous and finally ask her out! Her plan is fool-proof…!

Except when it's not. Not enough people are talking about Scarabella flirting with Marinette. How can Alya properly help her best friend if the news can't be bothered to cover Marinette's budding romance with Scarabella and only posts things about Marinette with Chat Noir?! So Alya puts her all into her plan, upping up her flirting each time she appears as the newbie hero Scarabella.

This totally does not backfire in any way.

I adore fics that center on Alya, I haven’t exactly been shy about that fact. This is a nice one for some Alyanette adorableness! (And some Scarabella and Chat banter, I really enjoyed reading that as well). “Fake” flirting to make crushes jealous tends to turn real very quickly, and this is no exception. It’s hilarious, Alya’s the last one to figure out that her romantic relationship with Marinette is very much real XD.

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Control by @generalluxun

A fun and rebellious gesture by her friend Zoé leaves Marinette accidently in possession of something more precious than she ever expected to hold.

It's a blessing. It's a curse. It's life itself.

She has no idea what to do. There is so much wrapped up not only in WHAT, but also WHO. Her friends and partners can offer advice, consolation, and support, but in the end when you are both Ladybug and the Guardian you are the one in control.

This is a fantastic SentiChloe fic. Marinette ends up with Chloe’s amok and isn’t sure what to do with it, whether to try to give it to Chloe, whether to try and use it to make Chloe a better person, or whether to just hold onto it secretly. Along the way, she ends up getting into Chloe’s head, getting a better idea of Chloe’s mindset, what she thinks and feels when she does the things she does. I loved seeing her struggle with figuring out what to do, it ended up being a great character study for both Marinette and Chloe!

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Within Your Heart by Inkyibis

It's Valentine's Day and Ladybug just wants to her superhero partner to find his love.

And what she wants, the Lucky Charm will create.

If only she could remember what it is she did last night.

Adrino fic here! Marinette’s drunk and feeling awful that her superhero partner is alone on Valentine’s (she’s in a loving and committed relationship with Alya), so she creates a Lucky Charm to help Chat find love! In this universe, Ladybug’s Lucky Charms have the power to create new rules for the universe to follow, such as making one that demands that if you have any magic in you, you have to tell the truth or else you’ll freeze. Or in Adrien’s case, that he has to wake up in the arms of his true love every day XD. It’s very sweet and I love both Adrien’s and Nino’s relationship, and the relationship between the rest of the Miracuteam members as well, even though that’s not the focus.

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This Distance Between Us by @coffeebanana

After defeating Monarch, the search for the Peacock Miraculous brings Ladybug and Chat Noir to a hotel room in London. But it's hard to enjoy the victory when Ladybug can't figure out why Chat's been so quiet, why he seems so sad. How's she supposed to help if she has no idea what's wrong?

This is a great Sentiadrien fic, with Chat freaking out about it and feeling like he’s not worthy of Ladybug’s affections, but not telling her what’s actually wrong because he thinks she won’t want him anymore if she knows. Of course, he’s wrong about that.

Also there’s a pretty intense confrontation with Felix, pissing Chat Noir off is a bad idea.

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Auspicious by The_Rabbit42

Entry #6 for AU April 2023: Reverse-Crush Kwami-Swap

Adrien is quiet and reserved whenever he's not consumed by stress. And between extracurriculars and modeling and his responsibilities as Mister Bug, he's often stressed. He appreciates his kitten, but he loves his bright and outgoing classmate. Not that she knows that.

Marinette's parents have always allowed her a good deal of independence, but she's felt her confidence skyrocket since getting Plagg. Simply being Lady Noire allows her to be more flirty and free. She likes her friends, but she loves her stoic and heroic partner. Not that he knows that.

This is just a lovely fic that’s exactly what it says on the tin. I like how Rabbit goes into what Lady Noire’s and Mister Bug’s dynamic is like here especially.

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Of Crisp Days and Crispier Cakes by @scribeofrhapsody

Gabriel wants to not be sick. Adrien wants to make a cake. Nathalie wants a chill birthday. Maybe they can help each other. Maybe it'll be a disaster.

So this starts off as just the cute fluff fic of Adrien and Gabriel attempting to make Nathalie a birthday cake that the summary indicates, but soon evolves into a more action-filled drama fic when Gabriel makes the terrible decision to akumatize a cashier while sick... a cashier who happens to be in the same shop as Nathalie and Adrien. Who are willing to put their secret identities at risk in order to save each other.

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After Irritation Do Us Start by @scribeofrhapsody

It was the most difficult decision of his life, but Gabriel did it. He let go of Hawk Moth. He moved on from Emilie. Now, all he wants is to enjoy life with his son and new wife. Unfortunately, a certain nephew of his seems to be determined to unearth what Gabriel needs to remain buried.

I love this look at what could have happened if during the season 3 finale, Gabriel had decided enough was enough and given up on being a supervillain, moving on with Nathalie instead. How much better things could have been if he’d just decided to stop - though Adrien still wouldn’t be happy to discover why Hawk Moth had suddenly stopped attacking.

Oh yeah, there’s an OC here called Gerald who Adrien’s puzzled by, since he’d never heard of this guy before the past year. At the end of the story you find out why he’s included in the story. It’s not a major thing, but it is kind of funny and fits well with the rest of the story.

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Rocking the Cat-Eyes by @buggachat

“I like being a girl.”

“That’s the alcohol talking,” Marinette snorted.

“I’ve always been a li’l jealous,” Adrien admitted.

“... Of what?”

“That you get to be a girl,” Adrien murmured, “and I don’t.”

—

When Marinette and Adrien host Girls' Night at their apartment, Adrien is easily welcomed to attend as "one of the girls"... but has a bit too much to drink. Some drunken confessions are spilt, some assumptions are made, and most of all...

Adrien is confused.

This is a great Genderfluid!Adrien fic. Marinette actually figures out that Adrien’s not entirely cis before he does, and tries to let him know she’s supportive... but unfortunately Adrien comes to some incorrect conclusions...

Anyway it’s a lot of fun, and Adrien rocks a dress and makeup!

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Desperation by OuzoAthena11

Marinette is at the end of her rope. There seems to be no hope for defeating Monarch, not now that he has most of the Miraculous and has figured out how to transfer their abilities to others.

Tikki has an idea: Awaken the memories of who Marinette was in the past to see if any of their knowledge across time and the multiverse could help.

But this means that Marinette might forever be changed, and so will Chat Noir, if he should choose to do this.

Little did they know that they knew each other in their past lives, and how frequently they crossed paths and even were a couple... well, that meant that they are soulmates.

Star Wars crossover fic here, with Marinette as Obi-wan and Adrien as Quinlan. I like how the reincarnation aspect was handled here, with Obi-wan’s and Quinlan’s memories being prominent and them “waking up” in a way at first, but those settling back down after a bit and Marinette and Adrien going back to being mostly themselves, but with a lot more life experience under their belts and some cool new abilities - which comes in handy for taking down Monarch!

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Family by @unecoccinellenoire

“You know,” Nino grins, “if you need advice on being a big brother in a year or two I’m sure I could help.”

The bottom of Adrien’s stomach dropped out.

---

Adrien struggles with the concept of his father and Nathalie having children.

So this is a world where Adrien and Marinette managed to defeat Gabriel, taking his Miraculous, with them giving him an ultimatum: they won’t out him as being Hawk Moth so long as he doesn’t cause any more trouble and does right by Adrien. Gabriel does, in fact, move on finally to Nathalie, giving Adrien a lot of mixed feelings to deal with. He still loves them both despite everything, but he’s also angry at them and he definitely does NOT want them to have children, both because he thinks they’d like any biological child they had more (he’s also harboring guilt from indirectly being the cause of his mom’s death), and because frankly, they screwed up too much with Adrien for him to want them to inflict that on another child.

And then there’s also Adrien dealing with the realization that he’s a Senti on top of that and wondering why he and Felix look the way they do, what Emilie’s reasons were.

It’s mostly just Adrien getting to talk things out, navigating this emotionally fraught situation he finds himself in now that the dust is settled.

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Galaxy In Your Eyes by @liiinerle

Arriving in Paris, Kagami almost immediately finds herself assaulted by a dark, infectious butterfly. When she wakes up, a ladybug-themed superhero is standing over her, and her eyes are like holes into an empty, vast, and incredibly alluring universe...

An AU where the two main Miraculous function differently from the norm.

Nice Marigami fic here! Or should I say, Ladygami - technically Marinette doesn’t exist, only Ladybug, who’s an immortal creation goddess, or something like that. But she still fights to protect Paris from Hawk Moth alongside Chat Noir, who is still a normal, squishy human underneath the suit.

Anyway, there’s a but of inspiration from Nimona here, with a lot of people being scared of Ladybug because she’s a bit... out there, especially when she shapeshifts to have like, 6 extra arms and a lobster tail. Kagami’s into it though XD

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Stay Weird, Ladybug by @diadraws

Ladybug receives an invitation at the end of a patrol!

Contains some of my own headcanons, most notably: MIRACULOUS HOLDERS ARE CREATURES!!! They get actual animal traits when transformed instead of just a costume. My tumblr is diadraws where I elaborate some more on my headcanons which may add some additional context to this fic if you are interested!

CONTENT WARNINGS: *major* depictions of panic attacks, discussion of child neglect/abuse, and a minor emetophobia (vomiting) warning towards the end.

I’ve loved the comics and fanart I’ve seen dia create for this AU, with Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s more animalistic designs, so reading a fic set in that AU was a real treat! It’s mostly just a Ladrien sleepover at Adrien’s house, but it’s very nice and cozy, with some good character development of Adrien helping Ladybug with panic attacks she keeps having.

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Trapped by @consistent-chaos-corporation

Felix asks to visit Adrien as soon as his father is gone. Gabriel catches him snooping, looking for Adrien's Amok.

Everything gets worse from there.

Damn, poor Felix. He came to try and help Adrien, but instead Gabriel stole his Amok, forcing him to obey his commands, holding him prisoner in his basement for months. If you want some quality Felix whump, this is the fic for you!

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When Secrets Come Undone by SortaArtsy

Ladybug promised not to tell Adrien... but she never promised not to confide in Cat Noir. What happens when Ladybug unintentionally vents to the one person who wasn't meant to know any of it?

****MAJOR SEASON 5 SPOILERS WARNING! ****

May not be season 6 compliant when it comes out.

This is a “Adrien finds out what everyone’s been keeping from him post-S5″ fic, and I think it’s handled really well! He feels very hurt, betrayed, and disbelieving initially about being a Senti and his father being Monarch (...mostly being a Senti, it ain’t that hard to believe that Gabriel was a supervillain), and is angry at everyone who kept it secret from him, but he still handles it well, going and talking to the people involved, getting their reasoning and perspective. 

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Wanted: Catnap by SortaArtsy

Adrien Agreste has barely been sleeping, trying to be everything expected of him. What happens when he spreads himself too thin? Sick!Adrien/ Cat Noir

Adrien’s just pushing himself so hard, trying to do his regular duties, until his illness forces him to rest. I love how concerned everyone is over him - even GABRIEL eventually relents and wants him to rest. It’s just cute and nice and fluffy.

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Felix is Fine by SortaArtsy

Felix wakes up sick, but is determined to keep it under wraps. Kagami refuses to be fooled. Feligami fluff. Implied past trauma/ abuse, though nothing explicit. Set post S5 so there are SOME SPOILERS!

If you want a Felix sick fic, this story’s the fic for you! I like how Felix and Kagami actually talk about why Felix is so determined to keep the extent of his illness hidden, what caused him to feel like he needs to do that, and Kagami’s understanding about it. Colt sucks.

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Our Tales Are Endless (That’s Why I Tell Them) by @joonapeach

Marinette lives a simple life - one surrounded by pretty dresses, fresh macaroons, and the calming view of Paris. It's a life she thinks she has always fit in.

And yet sometimes, when a certain boy comes by her shop with a flower and a new adventurous story, she can't help but wonder if there's something else she's missing.

This was a truly gorgeous story. It’s the classic “Marinette gives up the Miracle Box and loses her memories” storyline, exploring her life two years later. Even though she’s had time to heal and recover, she still feels like she’s missing something, something big. At least Adrien’s stopping by regularly to tell her stories about Ladybug and Chat Noir, even if she doesn’t understand why they resonate with her so well.

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a winter so warm by @rosekasa

winters were hard for even the best of vampires, but at least adrien had marinette to keep him warm with her cuddles.

december was going to suck without her. so it was only to be expected to get extra cuddles in before she left, right?

(well, not really, considering those heating supplements he was taking, but she didn't need to know about that).

This one’s mostly just cute cuddly adorableness! It’s basically like all those “Marinette gets the Ladybug trait of needing to cuddle up to someone for warmth”, but with Adrien instead. And of course featuring Marinette being a very talented witch who just wants to help Adrien stay warm when she isn’t there XD.

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The 8 Weddings of Alix Kubdel by The_Rabbit42

The bet is simple: with the Rabbit Miraculous, Alix will be speaking at all of her friends' weddings. No matter what age they tie the knot, she'll be there looking the same. From Alix's perspective, she's going to each ceremony and reception one right after another in a nonstop bender.

This fic’s a lot of fun! I loved seeing all the different weddings, as well as how Alix slowly felt more and more out of place, with going forwards in time. Some of the weddings could get, uh. Exciting as well XD. And while there’s been years in-between Alix’s appearances for her friends at the wedding, for Alix, it’s only been a few hours, if that...

---

and I thought I heard you sing by @into-september

When Hawkmoth has been defeated and unmasked, Marinette is left with two problems and no solutions.

First, that Adrien is further out of her reach than ever before, and no-one can tell her how to get to him.

Second, that Cat Noir is far more troubled than she knew, and the only thing she can do is wait for him at the place they agreed to meet.

It’s your classic “Hawkmoth’s defeated and taken into custody but that means Adrien’s in for a rough time” sort of fic. Everyone’s worried about Adrien and wants to give him what comfort and support that they can, but he’s being hidden away from everyone (which I mean, honestly that’s a good move), so that’s not really possible. Plus, Ladybug’s noticed that Chat’s having a tough time in his civilian life, which worries her.

---

Time Locked AU by PumpkinPatchworkQuilt

In Time Locked, instead of just fixing the damage it puts everything post akuma back to exactly how it was, people, buildings, memories, time. Since it’s more extreme than in canon it requires both The Cat and The Ladybug to complete the Cure,(and visually contains both as well). Because of this only those with a miraculous can recall the events and only those who cast the Cure will have any lasting effects from the fight and even then it’s limited to scars, phantom aches, getting a tad more muscle definition and of course spatial displacement in extreme cases.

Since technology is slightly resistant or incompatible with the miraculous magic, footage of right after the akuma attack will survive, on a technicality and as such only reappears when the time catches up the the recorded time, that could be minutes, hours, or days depending on how long it took to defeat the akuma.

First story: Alya’s Guide to Surviving a Magical Terrorist Which You Can’t Remember

In a world where the fight against Hawkmoth is kept secret from the public, one Alya Césaire sets out to bring the whole thing to light, (and possibly win a journalism award while she's at it)

This was an interesting AU, I loved the focus on Alya especially and her investigative abilities, figuring out that there was a battle between good and evil taking place in the background of everyone’s lives even though most signs of it are wiped clean after the battle’s over. And Adrien and Marinette pick up on her cleverness and want her to help! I love how much appreciation this fic shows for Alya.

---

Stitched Together by @nedjsmlfavs

Stitch Witch Marinette was just supposed to be having a nice, terrifying outing with her best friends. She never expected to find a magically trapped kitten, but here we are! Whatever happened to this poor little guy?

Poor Adrien, being transformed and chained up for ages, having no idea that he was gonna be rescued. But at least he got to have fun at Marinette’s place as a cat! 

Most of this fic is adorable, though with some dark undertones lying in wait. After all, SOMEONE chained up that poor little kitty...

---

Love Remains by @kasienda

Marinette stood in the center of her own room. The pink walls were adorned with sketches and photos, and other unfamiliar souvenirs of her life. Her eyes jumped curiously from a hand made purse to a bowler hat decorated with a feather to a cork board covered in pictures of her friends.

She loved her room. Which made sense, she supposed. She had theoretically been the one to decorate it, but she didn’t remember decorating it. And now, the room was like a cave filled with treasure.

Because each little piece of it held a secret - some part of herself that meant something to her, a clue to what her life had been like before…

Before she had woken up in the arms of a boy wearing a magic black catsuit. His heartbroken sobs had caused something in her chest to twist painfully. She hadn’t understood why then, but from that very first moment she knew she had wanted to make things better for him.

She had no idea how to do that now that she understood what she had lost.

Sixteen years worth of memories.

The echoes of which were papered onto the walls and notebooks of her room just waiting to be rediscovered.

No one else seemed to share her excitement.

Unlike most “Marinette loses her memories” fics, this one isn’t super angst for Marinette - she takes it in stride. Now, everyone else, not so much. It’s really interesting seeing her contrast who she appeared to be before with who she is now, particularly when it comes to her previous self being in love with Adrien and not Chat, while she’s in love with Chat and not Adrien. Of course eventually she finds out certain things that makes that make a lot more sense. She isn’t so different from how she was before after all...

---

Betrayal by @jennagrinsoverml

MAJOR EPHEMERAL SPOILERS!!

Ladybug planned to use Viperion's power of Second Chance to get Chat's identity to Su-han without Chat knowing or agreeing.

Of course, then the world went crazy, and she didn't go through with it.

But when an akuma exposes Ladybug's plan to Chat, he doesn't know that. He just knows that his Lady betrayed him.

He deals with his feelings in the best, most mature way he can think of.

He disappears.

So I, like a lot of others, wanted more follow-up on Ephemeral, and particularly on the betrayal of trust it was for Marinette to try to trick Chat Noir into giving up his identity to a third party without his knowledge or consent (I wrote my own take on that at the time, called Transcient, that I’m proud of). This fic did a good job of exploring that, with Adrien reacting in a manner that made sense to me (repressing his negative feelings about the situation as much as possible and trying to justify it to himself, but still feeling terrible despite his own best efforts), and how Marinette realized that she messed up, since Luka keeping it secret that he knows hers and Chat’s secret identities caused her to be upset as well. It did a great job of exploring those negative feelings and letting everyone talk things out, explain their viewpoints, and rebuild their relationships afterwards, which is something I really value.

---

Swimming in Circles by @generalluxun

Life has moved on for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She's not where she thought she would be seven years ago, but she's still in a good place. Classes, hobbies, friends, her life is full despite the lingering shades of her faded yet sweet middle-school romance. Then just as quick at the first time, someone drops into her life and turns her into an absolute mess once more.

Love and crushes might be her undoing, but she's got a little more experience this time to weather the storm. This fateful stranger stirs memories as well as emotions inside of her, and with a forthrightness her old self would be jealous of, Marinette takes the plunge.

So this is a Trans fic, with Marinette’s new crush being a trans version of a certain classmate who she doesn’t recognize, who’s changed a lot, for the better. I like how it deals with the baggage she has with that person, has her think that through.

---

Three’s company by @torvalvt

Kagami has been doing her best for years to ignore her feelings for her friends. It doesn't help that Adrien and Marinette insist on spending as much time as possible with her, even going so far as inviting her along on their dates together. If only the affection she felt for them wouldn't get in the way of their relationship. Because it is growing harder and harder to tamp down her feelings with how close they are getting to her.

This is adorable. Adrien and Marinette really want Kagami to join their relationship and she just doesn’t dare hope for it. If you want some adorable Adrigaminette from Kagami’s perspective, I recommend checking this fic out!

[fixing-bad-posts]

I looked around and didn't see anything about this on your blog but I apologize if I missed it.

I was wondering, what does doing the work behind this blog...feel like? I guess what I'm asking is if it does anything to you. Like, I had a thought. For a flash, I imagined you as Butters from South Park in that episode where he is tasked with filtering out all the negative comments on Cartman's social media. It ended up really messing with Butters, what with him having to see all that negativity.

You're definitely not being affected to that extreme, I assume, but I wonder if you would have anything to say about the process of finding these negative posts and reading them several times to edit them. Has it exposed you to unpleasantness that you wouldn't have otherwise seen? Or is there perhaps a kind of catharsis in editing such filth?

I'm making a lot of assumptions here. Maybe I'm also asking about your process. I just think what you're doing is neat and would love to hear about your experience with it.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have plenty of reasons to feel joy <3

oh boy, i love talking about myself haha—so thank you for giving me an excuse to do so! i have answered similar questions in the past, though never at length. every once in a while, someone pops into the inbox to ask about my mental health (which, rest assured, is just fine—i don’t put this blog’s operation above anything; it’s honestly pretty low on my list of life-priorities), and it’s always quite sweet. having a mob of strangers following one’s sideblog has its perks: one being that sometimes parasociality results in some well wishes, kind thoughts, and general goodwill. which is very nice, and probably an unearned vanity-boost for my ego.

what does the work behind this blog feel like? in turns: mundane, challenging, vindicating, annoying, amusing… and probably other things that i’m forgetting. most of the work i do on this blog is actually me procrastinating! i am a certified adult with a job™, and i’m definitely guilty of slacking off at work sometimes to queue posts submissions from my inbox, which is more fun than like… proofreading financial documents and making spreadsheets. other times, i’m sitting in a café with my partner, and allegedly i’m “writing” fanfiction. but, uh, if you know any writers, you know that sometimes “writing” means, ‘looking at a blinking cursor’. so it’s in those moments that i open up tumblr and start writing image descriptions and adding tags to prep posts for my queue. that’s mainly when the blog feels mundane.

something that i think helps me avoid negative doomscroll-spirals is that i don’t actively seek out bad posts for this blog. being a citizen of the internet delivers fodder to me naturally. that, and running a semi-popular sideblog on tumblr. when i see a bad post in the wild, that’s when the feeling is annoying/challenging. challenging, because ever since starting this sideblog, hateful posts don’t feel as vicious to me. once i see them, they stop being posts and turn into word-puzzles. and i love word puzzles!

solving the word puzzle is amusing for me, as is getting to look at my resulting “blackout poem.” it makes me laugh, it stretches my brain. when i started, i used to have to read a post several times to find the ‘good post within the bad post’ so to speak. these days, i’m so used to it, i barely read the bad posts more than a handful of times. but as i was saying to my partner, one of the reasons i love found poetry (erasure poetry, and cut-up poetry) is that it uses the same part of my brain that loves scrabble (the board game). then, of course, it's vindicating to see my posts get so many notes, sometimes surpassing the original bad post. that's more of my own vanity, i'm sure.

as for the last part of your message: yes, i have plenty of reasons to feel joy. i work with people who respect me, i live walking distance from a bubble tea café, and have friends and family whom i love. i have the good fortune to be safely out as a queer person. i’m a fanbinder. i’m currently working on a long fanfiction which is getting some very nice comments on ao3. and i’ve recently decided to become a poet (like, for real).

i must admit, i’m fascinated by how you imagine me. i often wonder how i am perceived, especially because i keep many cards close to my chest here on my sideblog.

anyhow, thank you for this excuse to ramble about myself and the process of running this blog. i hope you also have plenty of reasons to feel joy 💛

[ervotica]

howdy!! first of all, how dare that guy. I’ll fight him. but I saw you wanted to talk about Liam, so here I am with questions about your favoritest boy. no pressure to answer them all, just some starting points /gen 🥰

- do you any wips for him that you’re excited about?

- what are your favorite things about him? (so many to choose from, since he’s the sweetest ever, but a few of your absolute faves?)

- what do you think his middle name is, if he has one?

- what do you think his conversations with Deigh are like? and what do you think Deigh calls him? like how Tairn calls Violet “silver one”.

I absolutely adore all of your Liam fics and I’m looking respectfully at the cod content even though I know nothing about it 👀

🤍, liz @callsign-rogueone (I can’t send asks directly from there since it’s a sideblog 🥲)

ahhh hi baby! oooh this is perfect, i could talk about him all day!

-> i have a few very rough drafts scribbled in my notes of wips for liam, vague concepts and the like that i’ve daydreamed about and just HAD to write down somewhere. some of my personal favs that i’m excited to write are…

a sexually charged sparring match…😉

liam with an intinnisic reader (keeping her out of trouble, breaking all the rules to keep her safe)

a possible threesome fic with liam and xaden/ perhaps garrick or bodhi

lots of silly fluffy moments — what liam and his girl get up to on rare days off, what their morning routine is like (with a very sleepy, grumpy reader and a terribly endeared liam), certain extracurricular activities…

a possible a/b/o au, which is always controversial, although i need to plan logistics for that one

the cowboy hat rule😉 wear the hat, ride the cowboy (cowboy liam would be HAWT, although i’m not overly keen on alternate universe fics, i’m trying to learn to love them.)

-> my favourite thing about liam by MILES is how loyal he is to his people. i can just imagine him getting protective over our dear reader and it makes me SWOON just thinking about it. i think he would be my favourite of the fw boys to have when you’re feeling sad or sick, too. he seems like the nurturing type when it’s needed (the muscles are just a lovely bonus)

-> i think his middle name is isaac! i believe it was his father’s name (that might be a fan made fact, don’t hurt me pls) and even the meaning of the name means joy, and he brings joy to everyone </3

-> as much as it hurts (considering how he died) i think he’d be honorable one😖 he truly has one of the strongest moral compasses of any of the characters in the book.

-> i wish we got his conversations with deigh because i’m sure deigh would’ve been like his proud dad. top of his class, always winning. best boy ever fr. i’m sure there would’ve been some lighthearted banter. i just know that deigh knew he picked the right man.

i love that you love my liam content 🥹, and i’m planning on making a LOT more very soon <3 the cod content is still very new for me (and i’m god awful at the game but shhh) i just think military men are very hot and sexy and should be licked a lot

thank you for these questions! i adore talking about liam, i’m pretty sure he’s actually my favourite character to ever exist now tbh

[the-iceni-bitch]

Never Have I Ever Before

Kinkmas Day 2: Bondage

Relationship: Curtis Everett x fem!reader (timber and flower NLLYL AU)

Words: ~1.1k

Summary: Curtis would let you do anything to him.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (unprotected vaginal sex, teasing, striptease, shibari, creampie, ‘just the tip’, pussyjob) established relationship, furniture breaking with sexy activities, Curtis is a giant (literally) softie, almost no plot, SMUT!! 18+ ONLY!!

A/N: I love them! Their dynamic is so fun and Curtis is so smitten I can’t stand it. They are precious 🥰

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

“Flower… baby…” Curtis grunted when he tried to yank his arms free so he could run his hands over your curves, but they stayed where they were above his head in spite of his efforts and he just grunted in frustration. “Where the hell did you learn to tie knots like this?”

“Girl Scouts.” You giggled and bit your lip when he wiggled underneath you again, running your hands over his torso and admiring the pattern of the ropes over his yummy muscles before you started grinding your lace covered pussy over his bare cock again. “Stop being so wiggly, it’s not like I’m just gonna tease you all night.”

“Uh-huh.” He groaned when you cupped your breasts in the exact way he had been hoping to, trying to drive his hips up so he could finally be inside you. “You say this after you spent thirty minutes tying me up, then another half hour dancing around in nothing but my flannel and those fucking panties while you took pictures of me, so excuse me for getting a little impatient.”

“Very impatient.” You winked at him before slowly starting to unbutton the extra large shirt, wiggling your hips while it slid down your shoulders as you watched his eyes grow darker. “Hungry boy.”

“Don’t think I’m the only one who’s hungry, little girl.” Curtis managed to rock his hips up just a bit and grinned when he felt his cock nudge against your clothed cunt. “Know that pussy drools for me when she’s all empty like this, how can you keep her deprived, flower? Isn’t she aching so bad?”

“I’m in charge right now, timber, don’t be sneaky.” You slapped his cheek playfully and squeaked out a laugh when he blinked rapidly with a slightly shocked look on his face. “Just relax.”

He fucking couldn’t. Not when you squeezed his pecs and pinched his nipples while you rubbed the soaked lace of your panties over his throbbing dick and gave him that coquettish look. God, you were fucking cute even when you were driving him insane, the way your nose wrinkled up when you giggled again and licked your lips making his heart feel like it was about to burst out of his chest.

You heard him whimper and your entire body shivered, your fingers curling around the ropes that were wrapped around his chest and gripping them tight while you started rolling your body faster. Having your giant tree of a man completely at your mercy was perhaps the most incredible feeling you’d ever had, especially when he got all flushed and breathless and you could see the way his muscles were bulging as he struggled against his bindings. He was beautiful and unbelievably soft and yours, just yours. You needed to ruin him.

“Mmmm, my timber.” You purred when you curled over him and nibbled on his chest, growling softly when you felt his cock jump where you had it pinned between against his abs and peeking at him through your lashes while you reached between the two of you. “Maybe just the tip.”

“Shit, baby girl…” Curtis hissed when you shoved your panties to the side and slipped his fat head inside you, straining his neck as he tried to at least kiss the top of your head when you immediately clenched around him. “You’re gonna drive me fucking insane.”

“Good, that’s what I want.” You slowly circled your hips and hummed when you leaned up to suck at the underside of his jaw, feeling his throat vibrate when he whined for you as your pussy squeezed and fluttered around him. “It’s only fair, since I’m crazy for you.”

“That so? Ah, Jesus!” He tried to slide into you further when you pulled off him slightly, grinding his teeth when his tip was finally back in your sticky, wet warmth and letting out tortured breaths through his nose as he held back. “Baby, I need more, please.”

“More? You want me to take every inch of your fat cock, timber?” You nibbled on his chin and smiled when he groaned and nodded for you, squeezing his hips with your knees and pulling on the ropes so the braided silk rubbed smoothly over his torso. “Maybe I will, but first I want you to come inside me so you can fuck it deep where it belongs.”

Yeah, you were going to kill him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. As soon as he felt your pussy shudder and gush all over his dick he came with a bitten off shout, his back arching off the bed and a sharp crack breaking through the air in your bedroom as he fell apart for you. Curtis wasn’t even aware of what was happening except for the fact that pleasure was exploding from the base of his spine, his vision whiting out and his whole body shaking while his cum filled you to the brim and leaked out of you to stain his hips as he dragged in tortured breaths.

When he came to you were shaking with laughter while your face was buried in his chest, his cock fully sheathed inside you and his arms wrapped around you even though the center of your headboard was still bound to wrists. That would explain the loud crack, and why it seemed like the head of your bed was slightly lower than the rest of it.

“Umm, hmmm.” Curtis bit his lip and chuckled when you peeked back up at him and your eyes were filled with tears of mirth, trying to get his wrists undone and still failing. “I would apologize, but I seem to remember warning you this was a possibility.”

“You did, but I thought you and Ari were exaggerating.” You squeaked when he sat up suddenly and pecked you on the nose, lifting his arms so he could rest them between the two of you while you undid your knots. “Who actually breaks a bed during sex?”

“Me! I told you.” He couldn’t stop giving you little kisses while you worked, nuzzling your cheeks and sucking on your lips even when you rolled your eyes at him. “And not just beds, this is why I told you we need to reinforce all of your furniture.”

[maunderingvalse]

==> A Homestuck Post?

You ever think back to the more simple times, perhaps when blogs like these used to overrun this place. Or perhaps you're like me and you're a vet of the Active-Time RP Blog side of the fandom.... ( Oh boy! /lh/s )

Well, this blog and its sideblogs, aim to blend together those two things in a wacky and fun multiversal experience! This is a No Character Off The Table Art Ask (and sometimes RP) Blog!

But before you scroll any further lets set the ground rules of the house.

YES

specify the character you want to talk to, come up with an anononym or a tag for yourself, and enjoy interactions with any and all characters from the Homestuck media and franchise. ( This includes timelines like Hiveswap, Meat vs Candy, Friendsim, Pesterquest, Dreambubbles, and more! )

Canon x OC

Ask and RP Blog interactions

Art Requests

Art Trades

Ask for a Commission

Mun/Mod DMs ( or to RP with me! )

Suggestive Asks ( These may or may not get art, but all will be tagged, spoiler-ed, barred and marked as such to make sure its obviously not for minors. I also wont take anons of this kind, so i can verify/ask an age. )

NO

Proship stuff ( this includes anything from Stridercest and Vantascest, to minor x adult ships, etc )

Beastiality/Z//philia related anything ever

Discourse ( Please don't argue with me about my headcanons for certain characters, or bring OOC Drama at me. I just want to have fun drawing and answering silly asks! or even RPing )

Anything Immoral or Bad in general, just don't be stupid and try to have some common sense! /lh

ABOUT THE MUN

this already makes me sound old

My current level is over 21!

I work a regular job on the weekends, so I will go long periods without being able to talk from Friday to Monday. Please have patience with me! I am also very anxious and may not reply right away - or I may respond too fast! Please don't be intimidated either!

You can call me whatever you like but I am currently referring to myself as MV or MaunderMun! It doesn't matter as long as its respectful.

I am queer, identifying as a Jaspian Genderfaun Transneutral individual , and I use They/He/It pronouns in no real preferred order. I also use some Neos, though you can ask for those!

You might not be aware but I am happily married! Flirting with characters is a-okay but please keep any romantic comments towards me to yourself! I am a-okay with platonically lovey posts though, especially from Moots and Friends!!

I hold the right as the director of my own art and the owner of the blog to have my own headcanons for characters I portray. I have no interest in changing any explicitly canon facts ( queer identities, race traits inherent to characters, etc ), merely adding my own spice and ideas!

My personal tag: #maunderstuck

SIDE BLOGS

John Jake

( more will be added in time!! )

credit for banner from @cafekitsune !!

[ribbonspice]

May your sins follow you to the grave and beyond.

For my pinned and 4,000th post, I will introduce myself. My name is Elaine Huang, or Ribbonspice if you prefer. I love reading and writing fanfictions, listening to music and surfing the Internet. I'm also demiromantic and pansexual, and I have anxiety, depression, OCD, autism and ADHD. I also have two sideblogs called @demipan-determinator and @the-stolen-solidarity, so feel free to check those out!

For starters, I must make it abundantly clear that I support Palestine. Zionists will be blocked on sight. Here are some useful links that you can check out if you want to support Palestine.

Now, I usually don't care what labels LGBTQIA+ people use as long as they aren't harmful. For example, neopronouns and xenogenders are fine in my book. However, there are some labels that are harmful, such as mspec and straight lesbians/gays, lesboys/turigirls and gaybians. I think this Carrd goes over all these labels very well. It also provides some alternative labels you can use, and there are some other Carrds at the end like it.

If you want to know how I feel about transid people, it's very simple. Terms like transabled and transracial are extremely offensive to disabled people and people of color. Transspecies and transage have been used by zoophiles and pedophiles to justify their attractions. Gender is mental, and therefore can be changed. This is not the case for age or race.

As for non-traumagenic systems, I'm going to keep this as short as possible, since I myself do not have DID. I am against endogenic systems and tulpas for many reasons. This Carrd debunks endogenic systems very well in my opinion. Regarding tulpas, here is a Google Doc in which Buddhist, Asian and Tibetan people have spoken out against tulpamancy, due to tulpas being a closed Buddhist practice.

In regards to proshippers…oh, boy. There are many reasons why proshippers are so harmful, but if I tried to address them all here, it would take too long. This Google Doc is perhaps the best source of information about why proshippers are bad.

I'm neutral on paraphilias unless they actively harm others. Paraphilias like pedophilia, zoophilia and necrophilia are examples of harmful paraphilias. People with these conditions should be seeking treatment.

What about transandrophobia and people who believe in it? I think this should be simple. The term transandrophobia was coined by a man with a fetish for correctively raping lesbians and many of the people who believe in it are transmisogynistic and lesbophobic. I think that should be enough of a reason as to why I don't support people who use it.

I have some lists of my fandoms, favorite characters and ships under the cut. You can also find my other accounts here.

My fandoms:

Houseki no Kuni

Bishounen Tanteidan

Lycoris Recoil

The Quintessential Quintuplets

Tonikaku Kawaii

Oshi no Ko

Stardust Telepath

Blue Archive

Pokémon

Pressure

Friday Night Funkin'

Clinic of Horrors

High Class Homos

Bearers of Light and Shadows

Lackadaisy

Murder Drones

The Amazing Digital Circus

Hazbin Hotel

Helluva Boss

Fundamental Paper Education

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared

Vintage Eight

Lacey's Flash Games

SCP Foundation

The Magnus Archives

The Hunger Games

The Outsiders

One of Us Is Lying

LoliRock

Disney

My favorite characters: Oh, boy, where to start?

The Collector (The Owl House)

Hunter (The Owl House)

Asmodeus (Helluva Boss)

Collin (Helluva Boss)

Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)

Emily (Hazbin Hotel)

Mirabel Madrigal (Encanto)

Bruno Madrigal (Encanto)

Bianca Abercrombie (Clinic of Horrors)

Dr. Charlie Albright (Clinic of Horrors)

Lunarella Nocturne (High Class Homos)

Mordecai Heller (Lackadaisy)

Rocky Rickaby (Lackadaisy)

James Ironwood (RWBY)

Mercury Black (RWBY)

Several SCPs (SCP Foundation)

Varian (Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure)

Antarcticite (Houseki no Kuni)

Mayumi Dojima (Bishounen Tanteidan)

Michiru Fukuroi (Bishounen Tanteidan)

Dallas Winston (The Outsiders)

Johnny Cade (The Outsiders)

Chisato Nishikigi (Lycoris Recoil)

Takina Inoue (Lycoris Recoil)

Umika Konohoshi (Stardust Telepath)

Shiroko Sunaookami (Blue Archive)

Saori Joumae (Blue Archive)

Yukino Shichido (Blue Archive)

Tiara (Fairy Fencer F)

N (Murder Drones)

Uzi Doorman (Murder Drones)

Jonathan Sims (The Magnus Archives)

Adelard Dekker (The Magnus Archives)

Tony the Talking Clock (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared)

Paige the Sketchbook (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared)

Kaufmo (The Amazing Digital Circus)

A.C. Void (Friday Night Funkin': Vs. Void)

Tabi (Friday Night Funkin': Vs. Tabi)

Lillibeth (Friday Night Funkin': Secret Garden)

Fiorenzo (Friday Night Funkin': Secret Garden)

Gale Hawthorne (The Hunger Games)

Nate Macauley (One of Us Is Lying)

Oracle (Vintage Eight)

Mephisto (LoliRock)

Mister Demi (Fundamental Paper Education)

Sebastian Solace (Pressure)

Painter (Pressure)

My ships are as follows:

Corrosive Plague (SCP-035/SCP-049)

Phantom Forest (SCP-3017/SCP-4494)

Cynical Companions (SCP-079/SCP-682)

Lonely Lovers (SCP-451/SCP-1504)

Fizzarozzie (Asmodeus/Fizzarolli)

M%M (Moxxie/Millie)

Radiostatic (Vox/Alastor)

Chaggie (Charlie Morningstar/Vaggie)

MadMaid (Baxter/Niffty)

GuitarSpear (Adam/Lute)

Zestmilla (Zestial/Carmilla Carmine)

Chisataki (Chisato Nishikigi/Takina Inoue)

Yuumika (Yū Akeuchi/Umika Konohoshi)

Harutaki (Haruno Takaragi/Matataki Raimon)

Michiyumi (Fukuroi Michiru/Doujima Mayumi)

Yubikaga (Ashikaga Hyouta/Yubiwa Sousaku)

Jally (Dallas Winston/Johnny Cade)

Hellerby (Mordecai Heller/Rocky Rickaby)

ZibWick (Dorian "Zib" Zibowski/Sedgewick "Wick" Sable)

Nuzi (N/Uzi Doorman)

Saphette (Sapphia/Odette)

PerciGust (August/Percival)

Lucarla (Lucas/Marla)

JuleRose (Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant)

Marcaniel (Marc Anciel/Nathaniel Kurtzberg)

Padlock (Tony the Talking Clock/Paige the Sketchbook)

CollectKing (The Collector/King)

Lumity (Luz Noceda/Amity Blight)

Huntlow (Hunter/Willow Park)

Gustholomule (Gus Porter/Mattholomule)

Raeda (Eda Clawthorne/Raine Whispers)

Abstragedy (Gangle/Zooble)

Kingleader (Caine/Kinger)

MeanJokes (Jax/Kaufmo)

JesterDoll (Pomni/Ragatha)

JellyJester (Gummigoo/Pomni)

Showtime (Caine/Pomni)

Daisira (Daisy Tonner/Basira Hussain)

JonMartin (Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood)

FairyFlower (Lillibeth/Fiorenzo)

GoldenRose (Aureo/Rosamie)

BlueVirus (Virus R/Acesora)

SkullWitch (Tabi/Lunarella Nocturne)

Everlark (Peeta Mellark/Katniss Everdeen)

PlinthBaird (Sejanus Plinth/Lucy Gray Baird)

Oracarl (Oracle/Carl Stevens)

Provers (Prophet/Joseph Rivers)

Krisper (Kris/Cooper Clay)

Natewyn (Nate Macauley/Bronwyn Rojas)

Enclaire (Claire/Engel)

Lanabbie (Abbie/Lana)

Olice (Alice/Oliver)

Demisasha (Mister Demi/Miss Sasha)

Zipward (Zip/Edward)

Liztunia (Lizzy/Petunia)

Fishbun (Sebastian Solace/Zerum)

Maristo (Mephisto/Aqua Hoshino)

[lifeonthemurdersim]

The Darkness Within Fandom/Universe: We Happy Few (my sideblog for that is actually @hazelnutjoy but I'm trying to keep everything in one place so I'll just rb this there) Characters/Pairing: OC x OC AO3 Link(full tags, warnings etc here) Word count: 2,134 words Synopsis: Ruby's finally getting what she wants. But can she hold back what she really is? Author's Note: OK I'm going to admit that this barely relates to WHF itself because it's more of a random thought I had that fit my OCs for it. I hope to write more for them eventually though. More about Gorekinktober on my pinned post here! Kinktober prompt(s) used: Roleplay Goretober prompt used: Painful Transformation

Julie had the sweetest kiss.

Ruby should know, she'd been lost in it entirely for a while now, and it was wonderful. Soft, warm, she tasted floral, like the scent of roses. The problem, however, was how to take things further.

She had to be careful, with the way her girlfriend's mind was. It didn't seem right to make love to a girl whose head was so far up in the clouds it was hard to know if she was truly in the moment or not. But she'd said she wanted to, and Ruby knew she meant it. God knows it was all she wanted right now. They both knew tonight was supposed to be The Night. Julie had got all dressed up and everything. Ruby herself had already taken her trousers off and was in her blouse and underwear.

The only thing was... as someone who was too young to publicly exist in Wellington Wells until she was old enough to bluff being older, Ruby had lived a rather sheltered existence. She'd never actually done this before. With anyone. The only other person she was close to who she knew for a fact had done anything like this was her own mother, and she was hardly going to ask her. She slid one hand into Iuliana's dark curls and started moving her other down her side, enjoying the soft curves of her warm body as the excitement in her began to pick up, but as she reached her hip, Julie let out a light giggle into the kiss. Not exactly what she was going for, and it made her hold back again.

Thinking about it, it probably wasn't surprising it was hard to make this jump. She'd spent well over a year holding back her true desires when they were friends. Some habits were hard to break. She pulled back from the kiss slightly. "Listen, Jules, um..." she began. "Are you... nervous at all?"

Julie thought for a moment. "I don't know, perhaps a little bit." she admitted as she fiddled with the hem of her nightie. "I was only ever... with Terrance, you know? And I... I don't really recall..." She swallowed. "Things are a little hazy now. Including the night we... deflowered each other."

"Don't have to use phrases like that, Jules." Ruby said with a nervous laugh, scratching the back of her neck at the awkward jealousy that left her with. "You know I... sometimes wish I could... could... do that for you."

"Do what?" Julie asked, cocking her head to one side.

"Well you know... be... a boy. For you." She looked to the side thoughtfully. "Maybe... maybe not just for you."

"Isn't that what Lemon Joy is for?" her partner asked a little absent-mindedly. "The... the clear yellow one?"

"I um... I think so." Ruby replied thoughtfully. "But... I don't want to go back to taking any sort of Joy." she says firmly. "Besides, I... I don't..." she shook her head. "It's really hard to explain, Jules. I don't want to be a boy all the time, I just... wish I could... sometimes...? I know it makes no sense."

Julie thought for a moment. "Maybe not." she agreed. "But I love you whoever you are, my darling." She gave Ruby a soft smile, leaning over for another peck of her lips. "As a girl, as a boy... even if you were the... the monster." Ruby looks at her, confused.

"What... monster?" she asks curiously, worrying about whether it's another of the delusions Julie's been stuck with ever since the Coconut Joy.

"Ever since the... the incident..." Julie began. Ruby didn't actually know her before then. But Terry had spoken of how much it changed her. He wasn't truly his fiance anymore after that, but he was indebted to stand by her side. Ruby respected him for it. But now he had a new partner, and Ruby and Julie had each other, and everyone involved was so blissfully happy that it didn't even need to be fretted about. "I've had these nightmares. There's this... dark force following me. This monster, and... and if it catches me..." She drew a sharp intake of breath. "I wake up."

"Oh love, don't upset yourself." Ruby said sadly, trying to intervene as quickly as possible. "Let's just enjoy where we are, yeah?"

"Oh, no no!" Julie replied. "It's not upsetting, Ruby, it's exhilarating, it's... it's thrilling!"

"What?" her girlfriend questioned with a frown. "You... want it to catch you?"

"Well... maybe...?" Julie attempted to explain. "I know it's... it's not right, but..." she pauses, biting at her lip a little. Ruby recognises a certain... passion to it. "I sometimes wish I could know what it was like to be captured." Ruby can see that recalling this dream has affected Julie deeply. It's brought her to the kind of excitement she's hoping to induce. Maybe in a different way, but the two could very well be introduced to each other.

"Jules... what if... the monster was me?" she asked slowly. Julie looked at her with confusion.

"I'm sorry, I'm unsure what you mean." she replies. "You... think you're the monster?:

"Well..." Ruby began. "What I'm saying is, what if I pretended to be the monster? And we... we could play out what I'd do if I caught you." She reached out a hand to rest on Julie's thigh. "We could... make it... fun." she suggested.

"Like... the same fun we were... planning to have...?" Julie asked with a coy smile.

"Yeah." Ruby confirmed, glancing away. "If that's not... y'know... really strange."

"Yes!" Julie insisted rather emphatically, shuffling closer to her. "It's not sttange, I think... I do think that would be fun." Ruby looked back at her. Her smile was genuine. Then again, with Julie it usually always was.

"Well..." she responded, a little smirk growing across her face. "I'm sorry to tell you, Miss. Loveridge, but the monster has in fact-" She shifted her free hand to Julie's shoulder, going to push her softly onto the bed, her face hovering right over the other woman's. "-caught you." She leant down and kissed her again, and whether it was the change of pace or the recreating of her dream, she could feel that Julie was kissing her back a little more vigorously, a hand sliding to Ruby's back.

OK, she really liked this. Now Ruby had to just stop overthinking it. She managed to sink herself into the kiss and switch her brain off for a minute, let her feelings take hold of her as she slipped her tongue into Julie's mouth, the other responding with a soft moan, that hand at her back pulling her in closer.

As she began to relax more though, she felt an odd pain gripping at her stomach. She pulled back from the kiss rather abruptly. Julie looked at her in confusion. "Are you OK, Rubes?" she checked.

"I... don't know..." she said honestly. "I feel a bit... um... weird?" she admitted, not wanting to keep anything from Julie.

Julie nodded, although she looked a little disappointed. "Do you... want to stop?" she checked.

"No! No no no, I... I want to keep going Jules, please." she insisted, not wanting to let go now they were finally making progress. But she couldn't deny that it was starting to really hurt. Still, she ignored it, slipping the fragile straps of Julie's nightie off her shoulders, reaching a hand over her breasts and caressing them gently through the satin, feeling Julie's nipples standing to attention as she moaned out softly.

Ruby was finally getting what she wanted, she'd wanted this for so long, so why did her whole body feel like it was on fire? Was that arousal? Was arousal supposed to feel like it was ripping your entire being open? For all she knew it was, so she ignored it, pushing onward. "I-if I'm the monster." she suggested. "I should probably..." She dug a finger at Iuliana's neckline, and dragged downwards, suddenly strong enough to rip through the middle of the fabric, tearing right through the dress.

She pulled the whole thing open so she could finally see her lover's chest unveiled, her breathing growing deep and shaky. Julie smiled and slipped the garment off her shoulders, not seeming to care that Ruby ripped it. Ruby ran a hand over the sudden expense of Julie's soft, brown skin, cupping one of her breasts. She stroked her other hand down Julie's waist and over the frills of her lacey knickers, her own growing extremely damp now. Julie locked eyes with her, then reached up and began to undo the buttons of Ruby's shirt, eyes fixed on her. Ruby allowed her to do it, biting at her lip in anticipation, before slipping the blouse off her shoulders.

She lowered her body on top of her partner's, the other woman spreading her legs to give her space, and as their bare chests slipped against each other, that burning feeling grows; she wanted her, she wanted her now, the lust within her couldn't wait any longer. She leant across and began to kiss at her neck, but simultaneously she ran a finger along the top of Julie's underwear before slipping her hand in. She brushed past a forest of soft but wiry hair, underneath which was unsurprisingly genetalia much like her own. She knew what felt nice to touch. She could do this. As she began to rub softly at the protruding nub in Julie's knickers, her girlfriend let out a high, rough moan, before settling into softer moans as Ruby continued to touch her.

"Ruby..." she gasped, spurring her on to rub harder. "This... feels... so... nice!" She was no longer playing the monster, she was doing this herself, she had become one with the monster, but now, now the pain was growing; ripping, stretching, breaking her.

"Jules..." she whimpered back, as the awful pain of it began to burn and twist her. "Jules..." Julie is enjoying it too much to really realise though, can't she see it? Ruby's skin is literally tearing from her body, replaced by something dark, twisted, formless.

She could no longer touch. She could no longer even see, really. She had burst, split open, become what she really was. What she'd always had been. An abomination. A monster. She tried to call Julie's name again but she only let out a pained roar.

"Ruby?" Julie asked, looking at her as if nothing had changed, just with a tiny hint of worry. Could she not see the monster Ruby had become? Did she not even realise? "Ruby?" she asked. "Ruby? Are you alright? Ruby?"

Ruby jolted awake with a significant gasp of breath, panting hard. "Oh." she said, feeling and sounding dazed. She realised those last checks by Julie were real. "Yeah... yeah I... what's... going on?"

"Um... I think you fell asleep." Julie said in her usual, slightly absent way, but with a thread of sympathy. "I'm really sorry if I bored you... I think I was talking about the wedding flowers too much."

"No, no Jules, it's not that, I promise!" Ruby assured her. "I just... I haven't been sleeping that well recently is all."

"Oh, oh my dear, I'm so sorry to hear it!" Iuliana replied sympathetically, reaching out to stroke Ruby's arm. Ruby looked at her as every nerve end where she was touching tingled. "Would... would you like to sleep in my bed?" she asked, gesturing to it in the corner.

"No!" Ruby replied abruptly, and then realised how odd it sounded and corrected herself. "It's... it's just, I was having this right odd dream and... if I kip here I don't doubt I'll find myself right back in it."

"Oh." Iuliana said softly. "I do so like dreams. But it sounds like you might have had a nightmare."

"Y-yeah, it was, I mean... it was nice... at... at first, but then... well one thing led to another and I... started turning into a... a monster." she shook her head. "It felt... so... so real." Julie nodded softly.

"I see." she replied, thinking for a moment, then continuing in her happy, breezy tone. "Well... you're not a monster." she mused softly. Ruby looked at her uncertainly. "Maybe... if it happens again, you can just... remind yourself you're not a monster." She smiled and then pulled Ruby into a hug.

Ruby relaxed into being held, resting her head on Iuliana's shoulder tentatively, entranced by the warm embrace of her friend. Her friend who she loved desperately. Her friend whose affection kept her happy, kept her going no matter what. Her friend who was getting married, to her other dear friend no less, in a matter of months.

"Yeah." she lied. "I can do that."

I feel like I'm going to be so judged whenever I do 'it was a dream' type stuff because this is the second I've done in th3 last few months, but dreams and nightmares and fantasies run through a lot of what I do so I honestly don't think it's that bad 😅

Btw Iuliana is tumblr monsterfucker ERPer trapped in AU 60s confirmed. Ruby is she/he nonbinary trapped in AU 60s confirmed.

Julie had the sweetest kiss.

Ruby should know, she'd been lost in it entirely for a while now, and it was wonderful. Soft, warm, she tasted floral, like the scent of roses. The problem, however, was how to take things further.

She had to be careful, with the way her girlfriend's mind was. It didn't seem right to make love to a girl whose head was so far up in the clouds it was hard to know if she was truly in the moment or not. But she'd said she wanted to, and Ruby knew she meant it. God knows it was all she wanted right now. They both knew tonight was supposed to be The Night. Julie had got all dressed up and everything. Ruby herself had already taken her trousers off and was in her blouse and underwear.

The only thing was... as someone who was too young to publicly exist in Wellington Wells until she was old enough to bluff being older, Ruby had lived a rather sheltered existence. She'd never actually done this before. With anyone. The only other person she was close to who she knew for a fact had done anything like this was her own mother, and she was hardly going to ask her. She slid one hand into Iuliana's dark curls and started moving her other down her side, enjoying the soft curves of her warm body as the excitement in her began to pick up, but as she reached her hip, Julie let out a light giggle into the kiss. Not exactly what she was going for, and it made her hold back again.

Thinking about it, it probably wasn't surprising it was hard to make this jump. She'd spent well over a year holding back her true desires when they were friends. Some habits were hard to break. She pulled back from the kiss slightly. "Listen, Jules, um..." she began. "Are you... nervous at all?"

Julie thought for a moment. "I don't know, perhaps a little bit." she admitted as she fiddled with the hem of her nightie. "I was only ever... with Terrance, you know? And I... I don't really recall..." She swallowed. "Things are a little hazy now. Including the night we... deflowered each other."

"Don't have to use phrases like that, Jules." Ruby said with a nervous laugh, scratching the back of her neck at the awkward jealousy that left her with. "You know I... sometimes wish I could... could... do that for you."

"Do what?" Julie asked, cocking her head to one side.

"Well you know... be... a boy. For you." She looked to the side thoughtfully. "Maybe... maybe not just for you."

"Isn't that what Lemon Joy is for?" her partner asked a little absent-mindedly. "The... the clear yellow one?"

"I um... I think so." Ruby replied thoughtfully. "But... I don't want to go back to taking any sort of Joy." she says firmly. "Besides, I... I don't..." she shook her head. "It's really hard to explain, Jules. I don't want to be a boy all the time, I just... wish I could... sometimes...? I know it makes no sense."

Julie thought for a moment. "Maybe not." she agreed. "But I love you whoever you are, my darling." She gave Ruby a soft smile, leaning over for another peck of her lips. "As a girl, as a boy... even if you were the... the monster." Ruby looks at her, confused.

"What... monster?" she asks curiously, worrying about whether it's another of the delusions Julie's been stuck with ever since the Coconut Joy.

"Ever since the... the incident..." Julie began. Ruby didn't actually know her before then. But Terry had spoken of how much it changed her. He wasn't truly his fiance anymore after that, but he was indebted to stand by her side. Ruby respected him for it. But now he had a new partner, and Ruby and Julie had each other, and everyone involved was so blissfully happy that it didn't even need to be fretted about. "I've had these nightmares. There's this... dark force following me. This monster, and... and if it catches me..." She drew a sharp intake of breath. "I wake up."

"Oh love, don't upset yourself." Ruby said sadly, trying to intervene as quickly as possible. "Let's just enjoy where we are, yeah?"

"Oh, no no!" Julie replied. "It's not upsetting, Ruby, it's exhilarating, it's... it's thrilling!"

"What?" her girlfriend questioned with a frown. "You... want it to catch you?"

"Well... maybe...?" Julie attempted to explain. "I know it's... it's not right, but..." she pauses, biting at her lip a little. Ruby recognises a certain... passion to it. "I sometimes wish I could know what it was like to be captured." Ruby can see that recalling this dream has affected Julie deeply. It's brought her to the kind of excitement she's hoping to induce. Maybe in a different way, but the two could very well be introduced to each other.

"Jules... what if... the monster was me?" she asked slowly. Julie looked at her with confusion.

"I'm sorry, I'm unsure what you mean." she replies. "You... think you're the monster?:

"Well..." Ruby began. "What I'm saying is, what if I pretended to be the monster? And we... we could play out what I'd do if I caught you." She reached out a hand to rest on Julie's thigh. "We could... make it... fun." she suggested.

"Like... the same fun we were... planning to have...?" Julie asked with a coy smile.

"Yeah." Ruby confirmed, glancing away. "If that's not... y'know... really strange."

"Yes!" Julie insisted rather emphatically, shuffling closer to her. "It's not sttange, I think... I do think that would be fun." Ruby looked back at her. Her smile was genuine. Then again, with Julie it usually always was.

"Well..." she responded, a little smirk growing across her face. "I'm sorry to tell you, Miss. Loveridge, but the monster has in fact-" She shifted her free hand to Julie's shoulder, going to push her softly onto the bed, her face hovering right over the other woman's. "-caught you." She leant down and kissed her again, and whether it was the change of pace or the recreating of her dream, she could feel that Julie was kissing her back a little more vigorously, a hand sliding to Ruby's back.

OK, she really liked this. Now Ruby had to just stop overthinking it. She managed to sink herself into the kiss and switch her brain off for a minute, let her feelings take hold of her as she slipped her tongue into Julie's mouth, the other responding with a soft moan, that hand at her back pulling her in closer.

As she began to relax more though, she felt an odd pain gripping at her stomach. She pulled back from the kiss rather abruptly. Julie looked at her in confusion. "Are you OK, Rubes?" she checked.

"I... don't know..." she sayid honestly. "I feel a bit... um... weird?" she admitted, not wanting to keep anything from Julie.

Julie nodded, although she looked a little disappointed. "Do you... want to stop?" she checked.

"No! No no no, I... I want to keep going Jules, please." she insisted, not wanting to let go now they were finally making progress. But she couldn't deny that it was starting to really hurt. Still, she ignored it, slipping the fragile straps of Julie's nightie off her shoulders, reaching a hand over her breasts and caressing them gently through the satin, feeling Julie's nipples standing to attention as she moaned out softly.

Ruby was finally getting what she wanted, she'd wanted this for so long, so why did her whole body feel like it was on fire? Was that arousal? Was arousal supposed to feel like it was ripping your entire being open? For all she knew it was, so she ignored it, pushing onward. "I-if I'm the monster." she suggested. "I should probably..." She dug a finger at Iuliana's neckline, and dragged downwards, suddenly strong enough to rip through the middle of the fabric, tearing right through the dress.

She pulled the whole thing open so she could finally see her lover's chest unveiled, her breathing growing deep and shaky. Julie smiled and slipped the garment off her shoulders, not seeming to care that Ruby ripped it. Ruby ran a hand over the sudden expense of Julie's soft, brown skin, cupping one of her breasts. She stroked her other hand down Julie's waist and over the frills of her lacey knickers, her own growing extremely damp now. Julie locked eyes with her, then reached up and began to undo the buttons of Ruby's shirt, eyes fixed on her. Ruby allowed her to do it, biting at her lip in anticipation, before slipping the blouse off her shoulders.

She lowered her body on top of her partner's, the other woman spreading her legs to give her space, and as their bare chests slipped against each other, that burning feeling grows; she wanted her, she wanted her now, the lust within her couldn't wait any longer. She leant across and began to kiss at her neck, but simultaneously she ran a finger along the top of Julie's underwear before slipping her hand in. She brushed past a forest of soft but wiry hair, underneath which was unsurprisingly genetalia much like her own. She knew what felt nice to touch. She could do this. As she began to rub softly at the protruding nub in Julie's knickers, her girlfriend let out a high, rough moan, before settling into softer moans as Ruby continued to touch her.

"Ruby..." she gasped, spurring her on to rub harder. "This... feels... so... nice!" She was no longer playing the monster, she was doing this herself, she had become one with the monster, but now, now the pain was growing; ripping, stretching, breaking her.

"Jules..." she breathed, as she felt the burn of her skin beginning to slice open, blood oozing and raw flesh exposed to the air momentarily before cutting right down to something beneath even bone, something intangible. "Jules..." she whimpered. Julie is enjoying it too much to really realise though, can't she see it? Ruby's skin is literally tearing from her body, replaced by something dark, twisted, formless.

She could no longer touch. She could no longer even see, really. She had burst, split open, become what she really was. What she'd always had been. An abomination. A monster. She tried to call Julie's name again but she only let out a pained roar.

"Ruby?" Julie asked, looking at her as if nothing had changed, just with a tiny hint of worry. Could she not see the monster Ruby had become? Did she not even realise? "Ruby?" she asked. "Ruby? Are you alright? Ruby?"

Ruby jolted awake with a significant gasp of breath, panting hard. "Oh." she said, feeling and sounding dazed. She realised those last checks by Julie were real. "Yeah... yeah I... what's... going on?"

"Um... I think you fell asleep." Julie said in her usual, slightly absent way, but with a thread of sympathy. "I'm really sorry if I bored you... I think I was talking about the wedding flowers too much."

"No, no Jules, it's not that, I promise!" Ruby assured her. "I just... I haven't been sleeping that well recently is all."

"Oh, oh my dear, I'm so sorry to hear it!" Iuliana replied sympathetically, reaching out to stroke Ruby's arm. Ruby looked at her as every nerve end where she was touching tingled. "Would... would you like to sleep in my bed?" she asked, gesturing to it in the corner.

"No!" Ruby replied abruptly, and then realised how odd it sounded and corrected herself. "It's... it's just, I was having this right odd dream and... if I kip here I don't doubt I'll find myself right back in it."

"Oh." Iuliana said softly. "I do so like dreams. But it sounds like you might have had a nightmare."

"Y-yeah, it was, I mean... it was nice... at... at first, but then... well one thing led to another and I... started turning into a... a monster." she shook her head. "It felt... so... so real." Julie nodded softly.

"I see." she replied, thinking for a moment, then continuing in her happy, breezy tone. "Well... you're not a monster." she mused softly. Ruby looked at her uncertainly. "Maybe... if it happens again, you can just... remind yourself you're not a monster." She smiled and then pulled Ruby into a hug.

Ruby relaxed into being held, resting her head on Iuliana's shoulder tentatively, entranced by the warm embrace of her friend. Her friend who she loved desperately. Her friend whose affection kept her happy, kept her going no matter what. Her friend who was getting married, to her other dear friend no less, in a matter of months.

"Yeah." she lied. "I can do that."

I feel like I'm going to be so judged whenever I do 'it was a dream' type stuff because this is the second I've done in the last few months, but dreams and nightmares and fantasies run through a lot of what I do so I honestly don't think it's that bad...

Btw Iuliana is tumblr monsterfucker ERPer trapped in AU 60s confirmed. Also Ruby is nonbinary lesbian trapped in AU 60s confirmed, but I already knew that part 😅

[prtcts]

Hanako’s Class:

Yuta Sato, 23 FC: Yuki Yamada - deceased

Three years older than Hanako, Sato started his education at aged 7, and graduated when he was 19 after 12 years of training. His self control is his weakness, prone to anger and finding satisfaction in combat. He was usually assigned to clients with organised crime connections. At the age of 23 he was killed by Hachiro Kimura for failing to protect a client’s life. He was buried in an anonymous grave for his failures. Years of active service: 4

Atsumu Fujino, 27 FC: Keira Machida - active

Fujino was a trainee for 14 years, between the ages of 6 and 20, when he graduated. Naturally intelligent but not athletic, his struggle to gain muscle was what held him back for most of his teens. He’s a natural leader, which is why his assignments tend to focus around businessmen & children of important people. Years of active service: 7

Shirō Iwasaki, 26 FC: Shun Oguri - deceased

Once Phobos Japan’s golden boy, Iwasaki was a powerful and promising trainee from his first day, when he was 5 years old. He graduated after 12 years of training at aged 17, and was quickly sought after for his athleticism, strength and intimidating nature. He was shot dead aged 26 after nine years of active service by an assassin hired to kill his client. The client survived, and Iwasaki received full honours at his funeral.

Hiro Sakai, 26 FC: Go Ayano - active

First brought to the Hokkaido school aged 8, it was difficult to fully mould Sakai into an effective guard. His previous experiences of the outside world, and the mental scars left by his upbringing made him combative and insolent for much of his youth. Never the favourite he harbours resentment for his fellow trainees to this day, although he has been an active bodyguard for 5 years. Assigned to the more lethal of their clientele, he is yet to be given an apparent, despite reaching the age threshold.

Hanako Kimura, 22 FC: Kim Dami - active

Dropped anonymously at the gates of the Hokkaido school, not much is known about the circumstances of Kimura’s birth, despite the note attached to her jacket informing the school of her blood type and age. The youngest trainee ever in Phobos’ history, she graduated at age 16, and has a wide reach of clients. Often overlooked for her gender and build, she is nevertheless primed to be another member of the council once she retires from active duty - should she survive that long. Years of active service: 6

[cassiusapologist]

Hi how are you doing? :) first of all i apologize if there is a link or info on your blog and i didnt see it because im on mobile but like.. what is this blog about? 😅 So much brutecass?? I love them so much, i love you so much for your art!! Thank you for existing <3 Because on tumblr there was practically nada about them so yeah im pretty much quite surprised to see so much content. But what do you focus on/what do you like and why perhaps if you dont mind? Im really curious. Also you said this was a sideblog. What is your main one? Do you have a sideblog for all your different interests? 😅 Thank you and have a wonderful day 🤗

hi! I don't have an about or post for what this blog is about, but it's basically just my brutecass sideblog! mostly I just wanted a low stakes space to post about them and chill without getting stressed out about whether or not it was fine to skip the story telling and draw them kissing or wondering if I was secretly disappointing anyone.

this is going to get way longer than I mean for it to get.

tbh, up until very recently, I didn't care much for cassius. this blog actually started with the intention of focusing on cassius and his role in brutus' life through a haunted house/gothic horror/greek tragedy framework, and it was strictly a story telling interest, but after five minutes I realized that I loved cassius a lot and there's a lot of interesting stuff happening with him historically that I had been overlooking, actually, and that's why my twitter bio says that I owe him ten bucks and a fancy dinner.

my first love has always been history: as a kid, I spent a lot of my free time reading historical non fiction texts. I don’t know how to love things halfway. if I find someone in history that grabs hold of my heart, I’ll sit in that space forever. I found machiavelli at 15, and eleven years later I still can’t shut up about him. brutus goes back further than that, and cassius occupies a similar space now. I have over ten years to catch up with on cassius lmao [as evidenced by my other blog, @diinadam, which rapidly descended into some kind of dead romans chaos]

as for brutecass specifically, it's like, oh my god. they knew each other as children. they knew each other up until they died. the part of the national's empire line that goes 'there's a line that goes all the way from my childhood to you.' the way that appian compares cassius to a gladiator against brutus as a philosopher. the dialogue shakespeare wrote between them makes me cry. I love tragedy. I love poetry. ‘for 2000 years the name of cassius has been tied to brutus.’ for 2000 years, your name hasn’t been alone. I think a lot about how they clashed and fought but picked each other anyway. brutus didn’t last the month after cassius died. he probably introduced cassius to his mother and his sisters when they were boys.

on a less serious note, I also just think they’re neat. I love a conspiracy to kill a tyrant!!

and to answer your question do not have sideblogs for all of my specific interests, brutecass is the only thing that has enough of a...... focus of interest, I guess, that I wanted to have a space separate from my main blog. 

my general history/literature/sometimes movies/part time art blog is @diinadam and my personal is @cassiusapologist!

have a nice day, anon!! 💞

[sarah-yyy]

For the Reunited AU prompts, could you do the um, it was long, the one with the song and then them watching the music video, for Wangxian? I think it was the second one on the list P.S I'm @chi-zi but it's a sideblog so anon it is

“this is so unfair there’s this song getting popular and the singer sounds like you and all these lyrics almost sound like they could be about me but you’re singing about lost love and you weren’t in love with me wait I’m watching the music video and crying and hey that’s definitely you wtf” au

sorry this is like.......several months late @chi-zi! <3

He doesn’t mean to pay much mind to the song at first, despite how much he hears it on the radio. Wei Wuxian has never really been into pop music, and love songs don’t really do much for him, but when Jin Ling, Jin Ling of all people starts humming that song as well, Wei Wuxian starts paying a little more attention because-

Jin Ling, who has inherited Jiang Cheng’s propensity to scowl at all emotions despite having the most sensitive and wonderful mother as the perfect role model, is listening to a love song, and humming to it absently while tapping his fingers on his thigh, and it’s just about the cutest thing that Wei Wuxian has ever seen. 

Wei Wuxian turns the radio up, and pays attention to the song. 

It’s...surprisingly not a bad song. The music flows beautifully, there are hints of a guqin being played beneath all the other instruments, and Wei Wuxian smiles at that, even though it’s a bittersweet thought. 

The last time he got to hear Lan Wangji play the guqin was way too long ago. Lan Wangji has probably forgotten him. 

He forces himself to focus on the lyrics of the song, instead of dwelling on Lan Wangji. It won’t do to make himself sad, especially when he’s around Jin Ling. Jin Ling, like everyone else around him, has no immunity against Jiang Yanli’s ‘tell me what’s wrong or risk making me worry about everything and everyone for days’ look, and will no doubt tatter to Jiang Yanli about it, and that will only trigger a conversation that Wei Wuxian really doesn’t want to have, has been spending thirteen years avoiding, yada yada. 

The lyrics, when Wei Wuxian starts paying attention, are well-written. 

The song tells the story of a boy who let his love go because he loved him too much to tell him that he loved him, to force him to stay by his side.

Foolish, Wei Wuxian thinks, even though he can relate. Wasn’t that what he’d done all those years ago too? 

He swallows. 

Wei Wuxian can relate a little too well to the song, perhaps. His eyes are starting to sting a little, the way they always do when he accidentally starts thinking about Lan Wangji. The voice of the singer is starting to sound a little like Lan Wangji, too, now that he thinks about it. 

He turns the music down.

“Hey,” Jin Ling says, annoyed, “I was listening to that!”

Wei Wuxian forces a smile. “What are you doing listening to a sad love song, huh, A-Ling?” he asks. “Anything you want to share with your dajiu?”

Jin Ling goes red. “Shut up,” he hisses. 

Wei Wuxian’s lips curl. Jin Ling sounds so much like Jiang Cheng. They should probably stop Jin Ling from seeing Jiang Cheng so much to prevent him from picking up all of Jiang Cheng’s terrible personality traits. 

“You won’t understand anyway,” Jin Ling mutters, tone a lot softer, after a short pause. 

“Oh?” Wei Wuxian murmurs. “Try me.”

“It’s just-” Jin Ling clenches his fists, and then relaxes them. “It’s hard.” 

“What’s hard?” Wei Wuxian asks, amused. “Love?”  

“Ugh,” Jin Ling groans. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. Only Lan Zhan does.”

Wei Wuxian’s breath catches. “Who?” he croaks out.

“Lan Zhan,” Jin Ling repeats. “God, dajiu, you don’t even know Lan Zhan? His song is number one on all the fucking charts? We were just listening to it? How can you not know Lan Zhan?” 

“Language,” Wei Wuxian admonishes, but he sounds weak even to himself. 

Lan Zhan. Lan Wangji. 

Wei Wuxian was right about the singer sounding like Lan Wangji. 

He pulls his car over to the side of the road. 

“Dajiu?” Jin Ling asks. He’s starting to look concerned. “Dajiu, are you okay?” 

Wei Wuxian nods. Then shakes his head. “Fuck,” he says. He vaguely registers that he really shouldn’t be cursing around Jin Ling because he’s supposed to be a Responsible Adult. “Lan Zhan? Really?” 

Jin Ling blinks at him, confused. He ends up nodding his head. 

“Is there... Is there a photo?” Wei Wuxian asks. It might be someone else. Someone with the same name. “Do you- Can you-”

Jin Ling unlocks his phone, and pulls up a video. “It’s the music video for the song,” he says quietly. 

Wei Wuxian lasts maybe fifteen seconds before he passes the phone back to Jin Ling. He thinks he might be crying, but if Jin Ling hasn’t pointed it out, Wei Wuxian is going to pretend that he is fine.

They don’t say anything to each other for a long moment.

When Wei Wuxian has managed to get most of his emotions under control, he looks around their surroundings. “There,” he decides, pointing at a frozen yogurt shop. “I’ve decided that I deserve a treat, and you get one too because you’re the only person in the world that I love.” 

Jin Ling makes a face at that. “Gross,” he says. And then, because he is his mother’s son after all, “Also, that’s not what it really looks like.” 

Wei Wuxian grimaces. “It’s...complicated.” 

Jin Ling nods. “Love is hard,” he says. 

Wei Wuxian can’t agree more. “Love is hard,” he echoes with feeling. 

“I won’t tell mum if you don’t tell her about Jingyi,” Jin Ling offers. 

Wei Wuxian’s lips curve up at that. “Jingyi is it?” he asks, and then bursts out laughing when Jin Ling goes red in the face, and reaches for Wei Wuxian’s neck. 

(buy me a kofi!)

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

So I was looking at your fanart sideblog and saw that one where Lily was cosplaying as Edward and Lenin had no idea what was going on. You commented that it would be a "hilarious and terrible...but hilarious" crossover. And I know you made some Twilight/Lily.. crossover one-shots but what about one where Lily wakes up to find herself (and Lenin her Default classmates [or not] and Rabbit) in the middle of an important scene in Twilight. I haven't read it so I wouldn't know. What would happen? =)

Well, to be honest, I don’t think much would happen in the premise you set up.

Lily, Wizard Lenin, and Rabbit show up in the meadow with a gem stone beautiful boy cuddling a squishy woman. They look at Edward and Bella, Bella and Edward look back at them, Lily goes, “WRONG ROOM!” and teleports them out of there.

I suppose for arbitrary reasons (a la “Wearing the Faces of Men”/”The Wasteland”), Lily and company could be stuck there, in which case I imagine they crash at Carlisle’s house and are witness to the strange romance of Edward and Bella. Then the Cullens leave in their New Moon decision and they’re probably still stuck in Forks, I imagine Lily promises to make Bella immortal out of pity. Wizard Lenin loses his shit (HE SPLIT HIS OWN SOUL APART TO DO THAT, YOU CAN’T JUST CASUALLY MAKE HER IMMORTAL, LILY).

Then we get the Volturi casually trying to convince Lily that she should totally become a vampire. And Lily taking it all very casually and not sure how she feels about being turned into an alien while Wizard Lenin just dies (and casually debates becoming a vampire, as the Twilight vampires are for all intents and purposes immortal gods, and that would get tempting but they also seem to become essentially drug addicts). Then I imagine even Aro gets cold feet because there’s vampires with gifts and then there’s Lily who is already probably God, and that’s a little heady. Lily has no idea this debate is even happening and has been catching up on the Twilight universe’s slightly different media.

For peak funny, I imagine Lily becomes the new Jacob and then some and Bella rebounds on her hard. So, now Lily has the world’s weirdest teenage girlfriend. Which of course means ultimate drama when Edward shows back up (who undoubtedly had the worst possible opinion of Lily who is not his ideal woman at all). When confronted with this love triangle, Lily has no idea what’s happening, Wizard Lenin tells her what to do because the idea of Lily losing to Edward Cullen is insulting to him. 

This undoubtedly causes Edward to do something so insane, so rash, I can’t even picture it.

Right, but I guess what I was imagining when I made that comment is a full on fusion.

Dirt poor, orphan, Tom Riddle attends high school in the latest of a series of towns and on his first day of class is nearly eaten by Lily, who is some vampire/eldritch god/has not gotten the human thing down nearly as much as in “Lily”. Somehow, mostly thanks to Lily’s god like powers, no one notices. Lily decides to use this as a learning opportunity and makes Tom Riddle her new human friend who will teach her how to human properly. Tom Riddle did not sign up for this bullshit but recognizes that this is, perhaps, the most important thing that has ever happened to mankind. This makes Tom important. 

Everyone thinks they’re dating, when Lily takes Tom to a pretty meadow to stare at his face for hours, Tom realizes this means they probably are dating or whatever constitutes as dating to a thing like Lily. He decides to roll with it.

Even when Lily drops lines like, “You are my personal brand of heroin.”

Then he probably nearly gets eaten by Rabbit, the high school probably gets blown up, and a number of terrible things happen. Somehow, no one else ever seems to realize Lily is a god walking around in the guise of a teenage girl.

[beggingwolf]

omg I would love for you to break down that scene from TKK where sid goes into heat unexpectedly and geno rescues him from the Czech alphas!! (yes I have read and reread it a million times bc it is absolutely delicious.) (also this is jes @ticklefighthockey - can’t send from my hockey sideblog!)

hi jes!! thank you so much for asking!! I love that scene too

this is, uh, a behemoth. be warned: 

He’s being led on a tour of the rink, after the Russians have embarrassingly lost to Finland and before the Canadians are set to battle with the Czechs, when Zhenya stumbles upon him. 

I enjoy, in retrospect, how Zhenya and Sid’s emotional states are so different coming into this interaction. Even going back further than this specific day, Zhenya-in-Helsinki is bored and understimulated and out of his area of expertise and his alphaness is chafing at him. Meanwhile, Sid is overstimulated and anxious and fearful and in denial about/trying to hide his omeganess. Their designations are really on display here: Zhenya is brashly an alpha, Sid is shamefully an omega, and I Just Think That’s Delicious. 

It’s a flash, something deep and slumbering in his brain that alights like gas touched by a flame. One moment he’s listening to a very calm scout for the Superleague talk to him about Ovechkin and the potential a future Team Russia has, and the next there are yells echoing off the hallway’s walls and a figure racing towards them. A hook nestles into Zhenya’s intestines and his long leg moves, jerked along with the rest of him as he trips the running blur. 

The omega falls; Zhenya reaches for them, and before Zhenya can stop himself, his big hand grabs the omega by the back of their neck. The omega seizes up, and Zhenya can’t breathe as his grip tightens and then shakes. 

This is the, like, one part of the fic where Zhenya’s alphaness overwhelms him in the same way Sid’s omeganess overwhelms him. Sid is repeatedly at the mercy of his biology in the fic, and though he works to overcome it (and eventually settle into it), Zhenya doesn’t share that struggle—except for in this moment. I like how it equalizes them for a fraction of a second. Immediately after, the power imbalance flares to life and they’re on unequal ground, but for this moment, they’re both at the mercy of their bodies. It’s a huge aspect of what I enjoy about a/b/o.

Sid likes Helsinki. 

I love this jump cut, personally. I think it’s cheeky of me and fun and, after hooking the reader with Zhenya’s side of things, allows me to do what I enjoy most: babble on about juniors!Sid. Let’s fast forward to where the narrative catches up with Zhenya’s POV:

Sid is last out of the showers after practice. He doesn’t normally linger, but he had spent so long staring at how Carter’s traps and deltoids flexed as he washed his hair that he stalled and told everyone he’d catch up.

Sid’s discomfort with his designation almost takes precedence over his relationship with his sexuality in TKK. They’re inextricably intertwined, but Sid really spends more time thinking about being an omega than he does fantasizing about alphas—perhaps largely in part due to his first ~meaningful~ physical interaction with alphas ends up being a near-assault followed by a formative, if unhealthy, scruffing at the hands of Zhenya. I hope I put in enough to show that Sid is eyeing the alphas around him with intent and that it’s disrupting his routines. Builds the tension. Primes us for what’s about to happen. 

“Get out of there soon, Crosby, the Czechs are going to need the locker room in ten!” Durocher had called out to him, and Sid had made a sound of acknowledgement.

He’s not proud to jerk off in the empty communal showers. Once he’s come, he desperately tries to forget the fantasy of being shoved up against the cold tile, the slickness between his thighs being put to good use. His cheeks are flaming red and he’s mortified at himself as he washes the evidence off of his hands. In a rush he towels himself off and gets dressed in his team sweats, grabbing his bag of gear and jogging for the doors. 

Yeah I’d be mortified too, Sid.

He opens the door and runs face-first into a chest.

He chokes on his own spit as he smells it, the sharp, overwhelming scent of alphas, plural, and looks up at the huge Czech defensemen that he’s spent two afternoons watching tape on. 

The big one he ran into looks at Sid with vibrant blue eyes, and Sid stills as he watches the guy’s nostrils flare with a big intake of breath.

Sid forgot the cologne. 

“Crosby,” the alpha says, his accent strangely shaping Sid’s name. Sid heard plenty of Czech at the U18 tourney, when Canada had gone down against the Czech team and the players and their fans had drunkenly gathered outside of the Canadian locker room to howl shit at them until the Canadians muscled their way out.

He’s never heard anything like the way this enormous alpha drawls his name, and his eyes go wide. 

The alpha next to the blue-eyed one, a beefy blond guy that has a huge nose, takes a step towards Sid and says something. Sid can’t understand the words, but the message behind them is clearer than fresh ice in the winter, and all Sid can think is that he’s never been in this much danger. 

Some disgusting, traitorous part of him whispers in his ear that maybe he’d like it if he stayed and listened to what they had to say.

Sid runs. 

Sid’s sexual immaturity is really on display here. I don’t say anything about what the alphas smell like, and though Sid catalogues what the alphas look like (this was mostly so I could make them distinct in their actions), none of it is appreciative.

He’s a prey animal realizing he’s in danger, and regardless of his fantasies and recent jerk-off session, he has almost no desire to “be an omega” in this moment… except for the part of himself he hates, the part of himself he isn’t at ease with yet. EVEN THEN, he’s not interested in, like, being thrown to the ground and Taken in the biblical sense, but he’s interested in “if he stayed and listened to what they had to say.”

It’s that teasing at wanting something, that teenage impulse to want to explore what you’re feeling but not willing to go all the way because you’re afraid and unsure and still young! But his prey instinct wins out (smartly).

He hates himself for it; he’s a fighter, and he doesn’t run from boys who are bigger than him, but he knows as deeply and intrinsically as he knows his own name that the instant one of the Czech alphas gets their hands around his neck, he’s done for.

That first line could be interpreted 2 ways before you get past the semi-colon: does he hate himself for running because he wants the Czechs? No; it’s because he wants to fight. Sid’s incorrectly performing being an omega here in multiple senses: he’s running from alphas and wanting to avoid his heat, and he’s also wanting to fight them.

He drops low, bending his legs so he can ram his shoulder into the blue-eyed one’s stomach, shoving him back just enough so Sid can elbow past the blond alpha and push through. He feels the blond reach for him, and a shout builds in his throat as the boy’s big hand grazes Sid’s wrist, nearly gripping him before Sid can twist out of the way. 

He takes a step before the strap across his body gets yanked back, and Sid chokes as it digs into his Adam’s apple. The Czechs are gripping onto his hockey bag, and Sid only hesitates long enough for a hand to snake up and reach for his damp hair before he grits his teeth and slips out from under the strap of his bag and leaves it behind him, running in his untied sneakers down the hall.

The mention of his Adam’s apple draws attention to Sid’s age, I feel. It shows he’s physically mature but BARELY, because pointing it out draws attention to it in a conspicuous way. Then Sid being willing to ditch his hockey gear as he sprints—well, it shows (for once) he has his priorities straight. He tried to keep his omeganess hidden for the sake of hockey. Now he has to abandon hockey to keep himself safe. 

The Czechs yell, their voices loud and reverberating off of the walls in a way that feels like it can physically pummel Sid. He still has the scent of them in his nose, and he can feel his untrustworthy body responding. He runs blindly, as fast as he can.

HERE we get some sense that the alphas are having a physical impact on Sid. And yet it’s not eroticized at all. It’s made violent and scary and he’s stripped of his own senses. 

He rounds a corner and sprints, not remembering which way is which in the Helsinki rink. Sid barrels towards two figures in the hall, and his overwhelmed senses can tell that one of them is an alpha, the tall one, the dark one, and he sucks in one last desperate breath to hold so he can sprint past, so he can just get away from the heady scent and go somewhere safe.

Tall and dark, eh, Sidney? Our first hint of romantic descriptors. 

The tall alpha moves faster than lightning, faster than a goalie adjusting to block a shot, and Sid feels an ankle connect with his shin and he panics. 

Sid makes it about hockey. Ok bud sure you do you. (But like for real this represents a connection back to something Sid knows, something that is safe[...ish] for Sid, something that he loves).

He tripped him. The alpha tripped him, and maybe he’s in on it, and maybe Sid’s mom was right to be paranoid for all these years, and Sid’s hands come up to brace for the impact of the carpet when a hand as big as the span of his entire neck comes down on the back of it. 

Everything stops. 

Anxious stream-of-consciousness interrupted by an abrupt two-word sentence? Slap me silly with cliches, eh? But, hey, if it works...

The hand is enormous, the long, powerful fingers digging into the sides of Sid’s throat, and Sid’s jaw opens in something he hopes is a scream but by the way heat curls in his gut, he knows it’s something much, much worse.

Okay so HEREEEE we get yanked closer, again, to the erotic. The focus on hands (#TheFemaleGaze) as something salacious, enormous and long and powerful [hm. Freud is calling]... and even though Sid is terrified and refusing to put a specific name to what other emotion he’s feeling, his body betrays him yet again and we then fully slip into The Erotic with a heat—a heat—curling in his gut. 

The hand yanks him up, pulling him away from the floor, and Sid fights against the instinct to go limp with everything he has; his trained muscles seize up instead, and Sid has never been so grateful to be an athlete. He balls his fists, sliding his foot on the ground to try and right himself, and then his world ends when the alpha scruffs him.

Sid resorts to athleticism (his only other use for his body before Being An Omega fucked it up, according to him) in order to fight back. And then the line “and then his world ends” hits. Melodramatic, sure, but he’s 16.

And moreover, objectively, the world Sid knew before this interaction is indeed over for him. Zhenya later thinks in the fic that alphas and omegas feel fated, like something out of a fairytale, and that line of fate—that this was inevitable, that once Sid and Zhenya met, Sid would be lost to “normalcy,” does ring true by the time the fic ends.  

The alpha gives Sid a firm shake, just from the hand gripping his neck. Sid feels it down to his bones, reverberating through him harder than any check or hit he’s ever taken. Sid feels like he did when he was in 7th grade and one of his buddies tripped him while playing street hockey. This feels like when Sid’s head hit the blacktop; he’s not sure where all his limbs are anymore, and when he collapses, the alpha catches him.

This whole first chapter is just a major tease in regards to maturity, puberty, sexual awakenings, etc.

Sid acknowledged his physical response to alphas a few paragraphs ago, but now we’re back to Sid: The Child, to his middle-school self who is hurt and injured and vulnerable. By scruffing him, Zhenya ironically reverts him back to his child self; had Zhenya not scruffed him, who knows what Sid might have done or said to an alpha he was attracted to while he slips into heat?

By scruffing Sid—by making him no longer a viable partner [according to Zhenya’s instincts/hindbrain]—Zhenya actually keeps Sid safe here without even realizing it. 

Sid lets out a sigh that sounds pleased, and he wants to heave instead. 

And oop, we’re back! Tug and pull, back and forth. Will-they-won’t-they. Fun tension. The confusion of sexuality. Now that Sid is safe (even if he doesn’t know it), he can slip back into that pleasure state, even as he’s repulsed by it. 

The alpha says something. His voice is deep and rich. Sid’s head lolls back so he can catch a glimpse. 

He was right about the alpha being tall. His eyes go up and up to see the guy’s face. He’s older than Sid, but maybe he’s a player here. He could be 19, Sid hazily reasons to himself. His wide mouth is open in a concerned, surprised expression, and Sid’s eyes catch on how pink his lips are. He wonders how those lips would feel on his skin, but then his gaze is tugged upwards as the alpha’s eyebrows furrow over deep-set, dark eyes.

He’s handsome, and Sid is in his arms, utterly limp.

This part makes me smile even now while reading it :) Sid’s hazily like “Uhhh he could be my age right? Yeah it can definitely be acceptable to want this guy. Totally. Also he can totally play hockey. A dreamboat… Just For Me. Look at those lips. Also I’m totally helpless right now and for the FIRST time instead of terrified I am the human embodiment of the 👀 emoji.”

The alpha asks something of Sid, and Sid just stares up at him, dazed. He doesn’t know the language; it isn’t Czech. Maybe… Russian?

The hand still around his neck flexes, and Sid’s lips part. The alpha’s dark gaze drops to them, and Sid’s frightened by the emotion that blooms in his chest, a pride that’s twined with the adrenaline of his run. He can taste the alpha’s scent on his tongue, and it’s woodsy and deep and it makes Sid think of sex. He can feel his tongue poke at his lower lip, and the fingers around his neck tighten. 

Then the noises from down the hall get louder, and Sid can’t move to look, but the alpha’s head jerks up. Sid watches as the alpha’s lips curl back and he snarls loudly at the Czechs.

Sid can smell them, the way their scents slide from hunter to hunted. There are rude, ineffective words spat at Sid before they retreat. He doesn’t understand a whiff of it, though, and all he can do is watch the alpha clinging to him. The alpha bares his teeth at the Czechs even as they scamper away. Sid can see the alpha’s teeth aren’t fully straight, but they’re sharp and a swooping sensation bottoms out in Sid’s gut.

It’s nothing like Parise’s hit, nothing like Tambellini’s command to leave the ball alone. Sid stares up at his alpha and he knows that if this guy took him to the ground, Sid would roll over without a second thought. 

Fear rages through him again, even as his body hangs still from the scruffing.

Now we’re just really in the sauce, eh? We’ve fully entered into The Erotic and though Sid has that taste of fear in his chest, it’s not fear of alphas. It’s not fear of Zhenya.

It’s fear of himself. He isn’t scared at all of what Zhenya could do to him; he’s scared of what he wants (or what his body wants? He isn’t sure where that distinction is, because he’s been trying to divorce himself from his omega body since it started Making Problems).

Spicy! Delicious! I do, in fact, love it! His body is acting without his control (his tongue) but Sid is naming what he’s thinking of: sex. He hates himself over it. I am thoroughly enjoying myself!

The alpha looks back down at Sid, his lips coming together to cover his sharp teeth. He says something softly, glancing over Sid with obvious concern in his eyes. His grip loosens and his hand slides up into Sid’s wet hair to cradle his head instead. 

“Crosby,” Sid can hear the other man, the beta next to his alpha— the alpha say in surprise, and Sid’s chest tightens. 

“Crosby?” the alpha murmurs, squinting at Sid. He asks something else, and Sid still can’t get his throat to work, the scruffing clinging onto his voice box like a crushing fist. 

The beta says something and the alpha grimaces, but he gently starts lowering Sid to the floor. Sid gasps in a breath, because no, not in the middle of a hallway, but the alpha just lays Sid down, bracing a careful hand on Sid’s shoulder, still cupping the back of his skull as he crouches down next to him. 

“Crosby? Omega?” He hears the beta say in a thick Russian accent, and Sid’s eyes swivel to look at him. 

“Help,” Sid finally begs, feeling weak and shameful.

Here we actually lose some of the erotic tension because

1. Zhenya looks at Sid with concern, not lust

2. His grip loosens on Sid, and

3. Zhenya puts Sid down not to have his way with him, but to make sure he’s okay.

The power dynamic is starting to shift; it isn’t so much about a/b/o as it is age right here. Zhenya is taking care of this kid, as he notes in the next section, and since Sid’s hangups over his immaturity will haunt him in the fic, his perspective sort of neuters Zhenya here because he thinks their ages will be a barrier to Sid getting Zhenya.  

Also, another line I love: “no, not in the middle of a hallway,” because it’s SUCH a major slip on Sid’s part. His problem isn’t that he thinks Zhenya is about to go to town on him; it’s that they’re in a hallway and he has standards. (Or, rather, reasonable concerns over privacy, safety, and general comfort). 

“Who is Crosby?” Zhenya asks as he stares down at the omega he’s cradling. 

He’s about to be a very big thorn in your side for the next forever, Zhenya.

The omega is so young. He looks half-baked, especially with his head held at such an angle, making his chin disappear into his neck. His face is still round, and he has curly hair that hangs boyishly into his eyes. Those huge eyes are stunned and Zhenya can see the panic in them.

We’re still in that de-sexed space; readers can think “Hmm okay so maybe Sid was right, that Zhenya doesn’t really want-”

Zhenya closes his mouth and tries to take in less of the omega’s scent. It’s hot and jabs at Zhenya’s brain like a spice; Zhenya can smell the slick on him and swallows down the saliva flooding his mouth. 

“Oh.” 

Yep. Still wants ‘im. Has a moral compass to stop himself about it. Barely.

Also, Zhenya eats a fair amount of food in this fic—shitty food, like his McDonalds meal and bad American coffee, and good food, like the ribs and coco lardo in Moscow and the pelmeni and soup with his mother. Sid’s scent is like a spice to him—this appeals to his emotional senses, not just his physical ones. 

“This is Crosby,” the Superleague scout says, dumbfounded. “He plays for Canada, he’s an omega—”

“No shit,” Zhenya grunts, and he can’t stop his thumb from stroking across the kid’s shoulder where Zhenya is pinning him down, the thin Team Canada shirt shifting under his touch. “Crosby, who’s here with you?”

Oops, crack in the facade there, Zhenya. Watch your hands. Still, it’s not made clear if this is a gesture meant to be comforting (to Sid) or selfish (for Zhenya). Ambiguity!

The omega, Crosby, gapes up at Zhenya, and Zhenya curses himself for scruffing him. 

He hadn’t meant to; he’s only scruffed an omega once, and it was in a very different context, where a buxom omega named Svetlana had wanted Zhenya to lay her out and make her limp with it in bed. Crosby certainly hadn’t asked, but Zhenya had felt the panic in Crosby like a guillotine rising over his head and had needed to stop it. 

More cracks. Relating it to sex with Svetlana and then pulling himself back by a VERY sharp image of a guillotine. Feeling like you need to cut something off, there, Zhenya? 

His hindbrain had made the decision for him.

Zhenya thinks about alphaness in terms of his hindbrain—a hidden prey drive he’s got in his head, an old evolutionary instinct. Part of him, but... not all of him.

It’s very distinct from Sid, who refuses to even consider his omeganess as something other than, like, a personal failure and/or a physical impediment that’s fucking with him. When his omeganess comes for him, it takes him over.

Zhenya THINKS about his alphaness as divorced from himself to justify his actions; Sid ACTUALLY divorces his omeganess from himself as a survival instinct (until it stops working, and then until he figures out it’s more advantageous to work with it).

Crosby’s pulse still rabbits away. Zhenya swears he can feel it through Crosby’s scalp, and he says softly, “It’s okay, Crosby, I’m here to help you. I’ll help you.”

Rabbit :) Prey animal. Zhenya touching him carefully, not like a wolf chewing on its prey, but like a human soothing a scared animal.

He hears the Superleague scout say something in ugly English, and Zhenya frowns, wishing he had spent any time at all working on English like Viktor had asked him to. He only knows scraps he’d picked up from the ridiculous Americans the Magnitogorskaya bratva worked with. 

“He’s almost in heat,” he snaps at the scout. “Ask him about suppressants, does he have any?”

“His team should, they…” the scout starts, and he moves like he’s going to leave in search of the Canadians, but he hesitates. 

Zhenya watches the scout’s eyes rove over Zhenya’s long, powerful frame bent over the crumpled omega beneath him.

“He’s a child,” Zhenya bites out, even as his body tells him he’s an omega. “I won’t do anything. Get help. Now.”

:) Spicy!

He puts real force behind the words, and even though Crosby doesn’t appear to know Russian, he shakes under Zhenya’s hold. 

“Shh,” Zhenya murmurs, looking down at him. Those big amber eyes focus on Zhenya’s, and Zhenya’s hand on Crosby’s shoulder slides up to cup the side of his face.

“It’s okay,” Zhenya tells him, and he knows at least that in English. “Okay.”

Zhenya immediately comforting Sid even though he’s addressing the scout! We have not seen much of Zhenya being caring before this point; is this who Zhenya is? Is this what alphas do for omegas?

Truthfully it doesn’t matter because there’s no discord between Zhenya and his designation. He’s comfortable as an alpha. He is what he is, and no matter where it comes from, he comforts Sid in this moment.

Fuck the blonde women of Finland; Zhenya doesn’t want anything except the chubby-faced Canadian teenager he has laid out on the floor of a hockey rink, and since he can’t do anything about that, he needs to keep Crosby calm. 

“You’re going into heat,” Zhenya tells him, knowing Crosby can’t understand. “You’ve done this before, yes? You’re old enough to know. It’ll be okay, we’ll get you suppressants, you’ll make it through. It’ll be just fine.”

Zhenya: “I will rationalize this. Yes. I can do that. Sure. Great. I cannot let myself YEARN. But I’m definitely going to give him command-sounding reassurances that definitely aren’t any alpha impulses leaking out of me.” 

Zhenya’s eyebrows shoot up when Crosby moves a hand; it’s weak, but he manages to lift his arm enough to grip onto where Zhenya’s holding his face. It had taken Svetlana the better part of ten minutes to lift a finger, and he can see that Crosby, while young, is strong.

And, by the heat in his eyes, angry.

Zhenya grins at him, and he can feel Crosby’s pulse jump under his hands. 

“Don’t be angry, kitten,” Zhenya croons at him, unable to help himself. “I kept you safe, didn’t I? I’ll get you back to wherever you belong, yes?”

Zhenya, you flirt. Also he’s like “Cool I’ll call him Crosby I’ll be professional and—oh wait he’s pissed off and cute about it haha hi Kitten :) hi :) I’ll take care of youuu :)” 

Crosby recognizes the tone in his voice, if the way his eyes tighten is any indication. He opens his mouth to make a discontented sound that sends Zhenya into laughter. 

“Come,” Zhenya tells him between giggles. “You’re fine, let’s go find your team.”

When he scoops Crosby up off of the ground and into his arms, Crosby makes a sound so undignified it makes Zhenya lean against the wall to catch his breath.

Honestly I’m not happy with the emotional tone here and had I not been writing 50k words in a fugue state and needing to publish them by fest time I think I would’ve changed this. But alas! Its imperfections make it unique… or whatever. Hopefully someone likes it. 

Crosby is heavier than Zhenya expected; he’s dense, and Zhenya can glimpse how much of that density is dedicated to his ass. While Zhenya doesn’t lift weights with Metallurg anymore, he brawls enough to have very functional muscles. He can handle Crosby. He would like to handle him very, very much.

Yeah you do, Zhenya.

[curekibouka-writing]

Gift-Giving Season (one-shot Heartcatch Precure fanfiction)

Summary: Dear Santa, please give brother the gift of health. Thank you.

Word count: 1042

A/N: This is part 1 of my gift to @peachsupreme64 for Precure Secret Santa 2020 event. One of their favourite characters is Cure Sunshine so I tried writing something for Itsuki though it’s not exactly my forte. I do hope this is enough to be a decent present (reason why there’s a part 2 on my other sideblog @curekibouka-voice is because I worry this alone isn’t enough 🙈)

The chilling breeze, the merry carols, and the vast array of poinsettias lining the front of the Hanasaki Flower Shop heralded the holiday season. Today, Itsuki was meeting up with her friends here to go Christmas shopping.

As usual, Erika showed up with an attire fit for a fashion show. Itsuki gaped at the impeccable balance between holiday vibes and practical winter clothings. A balance her choice of clothes never struck, she inwardly lamented as she looked at her own plain trench coat.

Truly, to her, the past few months were enlightening in a way. Tsubomi and Erika led her onto paths she never even thought about before, it was exhilarating. She never thought she’d one day tug on her friends’ sleeves and point at a display window of a boutique, calling out, “Look! That skirt is so lovely!”

Erika jokingly suggested as she was dragged to the display window, “Well, why don’t you ask Santa if you want it?”

A chilling breeze shot across Itsuki’s ears. There were words she would respond with, had they not been frozen in her throat.

Want it? Did she? Should she?

“Oh please, Erika,” Tsubomi was the one who spoke up, nudging Erika playfully, “We’re not children anymore.”

“Buuu~! What’s the harm?”

“Ah but knowing Itsuki, perhaps she already stopped naively believing in Santa since very young. Right, Itsuki?”

Snapdragons bloomed on her lips, “Yea... t-that’s right. We’re not at the age of asking Santa for presents anymore.”

To be frank, it wasn’t a matter of age so much as it was a matter of necessity.

‘Want’ had seldom been something of her concern. If she wanted a new notebook, a new backpack or a new hakama, her family would notice it before she asks. If she wanted a specific doll, a specific accessory or a specific dress, she would purge the thought from her mind before her family notices. She led a plentiful life, there was never a need to ask of anything more from Santa Claus.

At least, it was supposed to be this way.

Since the Christmas 10 years ago — the Christmas her brother spent at the hospital — she found a wish.

─── ☆*:.。. .。.:*☆ ───

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl. Big brother has been a good boy. I hope Santa can give brother the gift of health. Thank you.

Love,

Itsuki

─── ☆*:.。. .。.:*☆ ───

Santa is no deity. He awaits requests for toys, not prayers for miracles. But what difference did it made to a little girl who slept alone in the coldness of winter, who woke up the next morning not rushing to peek into Christmas stockings, but rushing to her morning training?

“I wished for Santa to make big brother healthy again!” young Itsuki cheerily announced by her brother’s bedside when she visited him later.

Back then, she couldn’t comprehend his visage. He seemed pleased, proud even, yet there was a certain shadow over his eyes, not unlike how one would narrow their eyes when the sunlight is too bright.

Now she understood. No, she understood somewhere down the line before now, she only refused to acknowledge it because there was hardly anything else she could do for him. The sense of powerlessness was too great for her to bear.

And powerless she still was. He had trembled in fear somewhere out of her reach, had faced it head on somewhere out of her reach, and was undergoing rehabilitation somewhere out of her reach. Now she had lost even the need to make a wish on his behalf.

But now she had all the freedom in the world to wish for something she wants, something detached from her family and her duties.

“You should’ve made a wish for your own sake,” her kind brother would say, maybe he already did some years ago. And that was... a little unsettling.

It was easy to say she wanted her brother to be healthy, it was a right choice, anyone would agree. But what was right — what was expected — when it came to herself?

“Ichuki~” a squeaky little voice called out from inside her bag, interrupting her contemplation, “You’re thinking about something-dechu, is everything okay-dechuka?”

“Ah... you can tell, Potpourri?”

The big round eyes of her fairy stared at her, concerned.

Itsuki smiled lightly, patting Potpourri’s head. Snapdragons bloomed again, “Everything’s fine. I saw a scarf brother may like inside the store. Come on, let’s head in with the others.”

She pursed her lips as Potpourri retreated inside the bag. She needed get rid of her habit to overthink like this, fast. Months had passed since she chose to live this way, yet she still couldn’t catch up with... herself.

Because on this gift-giving holiday, this perfect chance to tell beloved ones that you care, what is there to even doubt? She loved her brother, not out of obligation, not out of pity, everything she had ever done for him was out of simple love. And nothing would ever change that.

Powerless she may be, if anything in her power would delight him, then she was eager to try. He often said her smile was like the sun, did he not? Then so was his in her heart, the sunshine bashfully filtering through clouds that had occupied the sky for far too long. So gentle would this radiance be, flowers gazing upon it would surely flourish even in a winter of change and confusion.

“Ah, Itsuki, welcome home,” her brother greeted her at the entranceway when she returned, “Did you have fun today? Did you buy anything?”

The knowledge that he was able to walk to the entranceway from within their giant manor on his own two legs within the time it took her to cross the front yard still felt surreal from time to time, but it already sufficiently warmed her up despite the freezing climate outside.

“Yes I did,” she produced a beige and black checked scarf from her bag, “This is for you, brother. This year you would be able to go out during the holidays, and you must take care to keep warm.”

“Thank you but...” he narrowed his eyes, “what about yourself?”

“Worry not,” she assured, sunflowers blooming on her lips, “It is gift-giving season after all.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The End

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flower language trivia:

Snapdragon: deception and lies

Sunflower: adoration and loyalty

Source: Google :)))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Remember this is only part one of the Secret Santa gift, make you sure you don’t forget to check out part two 😉

~ from curekibouka

@precuresecretexchange​

[honeydots]

200. “He loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it.” ~~ This has some Vibes and I kinda like them so? I'd like 2 humbly request your take on this w/ shukita or akeshu if it's ok to ask for!! -- dorky-arsene (a sideblog)

“He loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it”

Hello no I didn’t forget about these I am just slower than a little baby turtle!!!!! Anyway

Summary: Goro’s new job leads him to discover that dealing with both a crush and an idiot while flipping burgers is, unarguably, the worst turn his life could’ve taken.

cw: sexual themes (+p5r spoilers)

-

(ao3 link)

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“Hello! Would you like to try our Big Bang Special Combo Shot-Straight-Through Promotional Meal for ‘Thy Father of Corruption 2: The Daughter of Rejection’ for ¥850?”

Goro wanted to quit. 

You need this job. You need this job. He’d repeat to himself each time a customer decided they were feeling peckish. You will have no money if you quit and then you will have no home and then you will drop out of college and then you will die. 

He’d left the police department after graduating. With his past plans of an 18-year life expectancy having slipped down the drain, he hardly had a reason to stay. High school had been an uphill battle with cases of murder and robbery breathing down his neck, and he’d hesitated to even make an attempt at trying to juggle his priorities in university. Dropping the detective gig meant dropping the media attention, too, which gave him breathing room he certainly knew he needed, but never really had. 

The problem was, after three years of fading out of fame and living off his savings, he realized this wouldn’t stretch as far as he’d predicted. He hadn’t accounted nearly enough for the expenses that came with the unwelcome enforcement of trying to live as a proper human being. His bank account was growing meager. If he wanted to keep living (which was arguable) in the way that he was (which he did) he’d need an income. Almost anything would do, as long as it would bend and break to his schedule. 

And, all things considered, he technically had connections here. And ever since… that, the pay had actually increased to a respectable amount. The management had rehired, retrained, and improved. It was fast food, but it was livable. Nothing shameful about being livable. 

And god fucking dammit he had already done three interviews with no hires and he needed food other than half-cooked ramen noodles and bread slices. 

“Can I get you anything else, sir?” 

That didn’t mean he didn’t loathe every minute.

It was bad enough that he had a job at Big Bang Burger. And, bad enough that he’d been desperate to get it. It was bad enough that he had to bring in his homework like some anguished used-to-be honors student now getting barely passing marks. And christ, it was bad enough each time a customer would walk in, a hamburger-shaped icepick would slam itself into his frontal lobe, forever ingraining the memory of his premeditated brain murder of the former CEO of this very restaurant. 

All of that, and he couldn’t stress this more, was bad enough. It was entirely shitty all around. Completely awful, and damming, and humbling, though he hated to admit it. He’d like to say it couldn’t get any worse. That this was the end of the line, get off the train before it turns around, don’t get stuck in the never ending cycle of beef patties and sesame seed buns. 

But, god, of all the coworkers. 

“Ya know,” said Sakamoto, leaning down on the front counter after their customer had left,  “I dunno if clenching your teeth like you’ve got peanut butter stuck in there counts as ‘service with a smile.’” 

Sakamoto Ryuji. The boy who had the opposite of a filter, and more like a megaphone spewing recordings of every profanity in the Japanese language. He, who had walked in on Goro’s second day and loudly declared, ‘I thought I smelled something, what’s this a-hole doing here?’ Really, who else could he tolerate spending eight-hour shifts with; greasy stoves, piss poor customers, and the ruthless scent of lysol on tile included?

Ah, right. Anyone else. 

Goro pressed his lips together. “Hm. Well you know, I was almost certain that elbows on the counter was a fireable offense.” 

Sakamoto snatched himself up in a second, elbows up high. He hung there and looked around the empty restaurant. 

He pouted. “Not cool, dude. That’s only when there’s customers.”

Goro raised his eyebrows. He was really just going to stand there? He looked like an idiot, or a chicken. A hybrid that, if anyone could pull off, would be him. He was making a great show of it, too. 

Sakamoto narrowed his eyes. “Unless you’re a snitch.” 

Goro spoke in his most syrupy sweet voice. “Are you implying then, that your job is in my hands? An entertaining thought, Sakamoto.” If it were only that simple to really get him fired. Unfortunately, their manager seemed to love his enthusiasm. Every moment he spent enthusiastically mopping floors and singing into the handle was a moment Goro could’ve been writing soliloquies of his growing and newfound hatred for Carly Rae Jepsen. 

Sakamoto folded his arms in a huff. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about, man! Look at that fake-ass smile.” He shook his head. “And I get customer service blows and stuff, but you use it for everything. Lighten up dude! Take a break.”

Sakamoto said things with such confidence, such surety. It made his teeth grind. 

“I’d prefer to keep my job,” Goro said, and gave him the sweet smile Sakamoto was arguing against. “Though, if you’d like to pay my rent for me, you’re more than welcome.” 

He acted like he hadn’t even heard him.“Maybe it’s ‘cause you’re so gloomy all the time, your face just doesn’t know how to work it. Look it, check me out.” Sakamoto pointed his thumb at himself and flashed a toothy smile. “Just like that! All natural, bro. It’s easy. Come on, you really try it this time.” 

Goro very clearly did not. He stared with his most obsolete and ‘stop-trying-to-have-a-conversation-with-me’ look he could muster. He’d communicate it telepathically, if given the chance. 

“That doesn’t look like trying to me,” Sakamoto said expectantly. 

Couldn’t they just sit in silence and wait for their fabrication of getting-along time when the next inevitable customer came in? “Perhaps, and please let me know if this is too complicated, I simply have no intention of trying, because I don’t believe there’s anything to fix.” 

“Nah, that’s not it,” replied Sakamoto, as if he was being thoughtful.

Another reason why he was completely obnoxious was because the longer they knew each other, the less that Goro’s flawless stone faced looks worked. Sakamoto kept spewing hot air. He’d gained some kind of tolerance, and it was tedious to work around. 

Sakamoto leaned back down, previous elbow warnings forgotten. “I bet you’re the kinda guy who’s super ticklish, so you act all boring so no one suspects it.”

“I’m not,” Goro snapped. 

“Quick reply there, buddy.” 

Goro didn’t answer to that. He didn’t owe it to him. This was pointless; why did Sakamoto find such pleasure in talking about pointless things? 

He slouched further down. “So it’s silent treatment now. You’re checking all the boxes over here.” He waved his finger through the air. “Check, n’ check, n’, check.” 

Goro was getting a headache. “I don’t want to talk about this.” 

“Betcha you’re super ticklish. And like, one of those cry-laughers.” 

“Sakamoto, did you hear what I just said.” 

He stretched up from his position on the counter. “Like if I poke you in the side, I bet it would make ya jump.” 

“Do not.” He could just try it. Goro would bend his finger back so far it’d break. He wondered if that would be a viable option to get him to stop talking sometime. 

“Didn’t say I was gonna.” He rested his arms behind his neck. “You’re just proving my point more, though.” 

Sakamoto was annoyingly stubborn at times. Once he found a niche with Goro, he’d hack his way in and grab on like a tick. Bother him like it was his last chance he’d ever get, as if they didn’t work shifts together four times a week. He was bound to get lyme disease at this rate.  

Goro felt like a very frustrated pair of tweezers.“Can we talk about anything else, please?”

Sakamoto went quiet. He was just looking at him now. Goro tensed up. Was he really going to try and poke him? He meant it, he’d break his hand. 

“Ya know, there is something I wanna talk to you about,” he said.

Goro did not like the sound of that. “Oh really.” He tried to sound like he was just told he was about to be given a lecture on the intricacies and details of lentil soup. Which, perhaps could be more interesting than whatever topic Sakamoto was about to pull out of his ass. 

Sakamoto sniffed. “Yup. It’s about Akira.” 

Oh, he really didn’t like where this was going. “Sakamoto, I—” 

“When’re ya gonna like, confess.” 

Goro visibly winced. Dammit. He knew he’d bring this up one day. He was absolutely infuriated Sakamoto knew about that, and he hadn’t even told him. He’d been making guesses and Goro had been just tired enough during his shift to let a hint of a sigh out, and Sakamoto had taken that to new heights. Another example of conversations being had that Goro would’ve just about died to get out of. 

Sakamoto was still staring at him. Didn’t he have anything better to do? Goro knew they didn’t at this good for nothing job, but what was so hard about just acting like you’re busy. You’re pretending then, at least, and that’s something. 

“Well, dude?” asked Sakamoto. 

Any conversation is better than that one.

Mother of fuck. 

“I…” Goro started, adjusting a piece of his hair, “I suppose I am a little ticklish.”

Sakamoto’s face lit up. “Dude, for real? Called it,” he said triumphantly. Had Goro not known him as well as he did, he’d think the divergence in conversation was a trick to get him to admit he was a bit… touchy. But he did know him, and he wasn’t one for games like that.

“Most people are, it shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s skin sensitivity, nothing more.” 

Sakamoto shrugged. “Still funny you admitted to it.” 

Sure. Very hilarious. Yet another fact Sakamoto now knows about him that he’d really have rather not shared under any circumstance. 

“Satisfied, now?” Goro asked, but it wasn’t really a question. He didn’t plan on expanding, this was embarrassing enough as it was. 

“Nope,” he replied, “cause that’s great and all, but I really gotta know the game plan.” He leaned in close to Goro, and he in turn leaned farther away.

“There’s no ‘game plan,’ Sakamoto. Please don’t get so close to me.” 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” He moved back, obviously not finished. “Come on, though, you gotta have something.” And back down on the counter he slouched. 

‘Something,’ he’d said. Yes, and that something was to keep his mouth shut and go about his life keeping each and every one of those mortifying feelings to himself. It was humiliating enough that Sakamoto knew. Telling Akira? He didn’t even want to imagine it. He’d rather face Okumura-san herself and ask her to buy one of their Shot-Straight-Through combo meals. 

“There’s nothing. And I don’t plan there to be anything. And, it’s not really much of your business, is it?” Goro could feel himself growing irritated. 

Sakamoto melted further into the counter. “I just don’t get why you’re not gonna ask him out if you like him. You might as well, man, it’ll be fine.” 

What simple ways of thinking. Do this, get that in return. Black and white, and right and wrong. Spill your fleeting moment of vulnerability and try not to think about the extensive hole of commitment you’re burying yourself in. One turn of phrase, one word, one misplaced breath to Akira would forever rupture the sorry excuse of acquaintanceship they’d been flip flopping through for the past three years. Akira was a blank slate and simultaneously the person he knew best. He knew him, but didn’t really, and he could never tell what he was thinking. Suddenly he was gambling again, and this time it came entirely unwelcome. Risks you face before death and risks that you’ll keep living through no matter the outcome tasted different. One was tangy and sweet and thrilling, the other was bitter  shit. Not to mention that Akira was too kind to him for his own good. He couldn’t even tell what was a lie. 

But, Sakamoto didn’t need to know all that. “You say that like there’s nothing to consider. As if I’ve never even given this thought. You do not belong in my head, Sakamoto. And I do not need to give you, an obvious outsider on the entire dilemma, any sort of justification for why I’m going to continue to abstain on something as trivial as a confession.” 

Sakamoto huffed at him. “What if I said that I gua-ran-tee he’s not gonna say no to you.”

Goro was already sick of this. What, had Sakamoto expected his heart to skip? His pulse to rise? That just the very thought of mutual feelings would send him into some flustered mess? Please. He told the tingling feeling going up through his legs and down his arms and up the back of his neck to shut the fuck up. 

He couldn’t stay quiet for long. Sakamoto could and would get ideas. “Then why doesn’t he just tell me that himself? Why are you playing wingman for him?” 

“Cause he’s not gonna say anything cause he’s got to be worried that he’s gonna freak you and your crazy attachment issues out!” 

Of course, there it was. The blind bet. Sakamoto’s one-way thinking at it again, and Goro would not have it. “I’m not going to start playing some game with him about the complexities of whatever idea of consent he has in his head. I don’t need his sympathy, and I am certainly not looking for it. I don’t have time for something messy and half-assed. I don’t want that, and surely he doesn’t, either. If he feels any way about me, he’d ought to tell me, because then maybe we’d find some kind of leeway. But I will not let him sit there and wait for me to make the first move, like a key element in his plan. This is not some teenage romance, and I am not a caricature of his love life. He can wait patiently all he’d like, but I’m perfectly content as I am now.” 

Sakamoto seemed a little stunned. 

“Man, he’s just…” He trailed off. They sat in silence. 

So ways still existed to get Sakamoto to stop rambling on. He was sure he’d regret saying this later, for a multitude of reasons. He didn’t hate Sakamoto, even saying dislike felt strong, but he always talked about things that Goro had no interest nor inclination to discuss. Maybe silence was for the best between them, for now. 

“He loves you, you know? He’s just afraid of admitting it. That’s all it is, dude,” said Sakamoto. 

Goro inhaled. So he wasn’t done, then. “Love… is an entirely different conversation.” 

“Okay, fine, you want me to say he ‘like-likes’ you like some fifth grader? Cause he does.” 

Goro didn’t reply. He’d made his point. 

“He isn’t playing one of your weirdo mind games,” Sakamoto continued. “I think you’re thinking too hard about this. He’s just a guy. He just wants to make sure you’re all comfortable and shit. Cause it’s not like we don’t all know the bullshit that was goin’ on for you.”

“I am not looking for his pity.” A fine thing to say while working at a Big Bang Burger in a bright yellow shirt and starred apron. It didn’t matter. He didn’t wear this with pride, per say, but he wouldn’t ask someone to feel sorry for him.

He didn’t exactly want to be seen, either. Especially not Akira, but of course he’d make habits of visiting. That was just like him, and it was just like his pity, too. 

Sakamoto looked frustrated. “He ain’t pitying you, man! He’s tryin’ to respect you! He knows you got things to go through on your own and he’s trying to give you space and everything.” 

Goro clicked his tongue. “If you know that’s his tactic, why are you trying to pressure me into this?” 

“Cause I don’t care, dude!” Sakamoto said, and then stopped himself, and promptly looked very guilty. “Well, okay. I do care. Like, I do. But sometimes…” He looked like he was trying to pick his words out carefully. He had an idea, just no way to form it.

He settled. “Sometimes, you just gotta get laid, man.” 

At this point, Goro found himself shocked that he wasn’t banging his own head against the counter. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You’re twenty one years old! Dude, I know you haven’t gotten any,” Sakamoto argued. “Your gay ass with emotional problems? Get outta here.” 

“This is not—”  

Sakamoto put his hands up nonshalontly. “And like, yeah, no judgey stuff, take your time if you gotta. But have you considered it? Tell me. I betcha you haven’t.”

Goro opened his mouth, expecting to reply with an incredibly well thought out ‘fuck off,’ but the automatic doors slid open, and suddenly Goro was all smiles and greetings, so what came out instead was, “Hello! Welcome to Big Bang Burger! Would you—ah.” 

Sakamoto snorted loudly, and Goro wanted to kick him so bad. 

And actually, what was stopping him? Sakamoto had earned this, and it’s not like this customer would care. 

Because, who else could’ve been just about summoned by the trouble than Kurusu Akira himself; strolling in so casually through the doors, like he hadn’t just become the most unpleasant topic of conversation Goro had ever had with Sakamoto. Speak of the devil was an understatement, or perhaps he was the devil himself. 

“What the eff, man!” 

“Hey you two,” said Akira, hands in his pockets and clearly bagless. He didn’t even register Goro’s kick, like that was just some normal occurrence. Somehow, that made him angrier. 

“Yo,” said Sakamoto, recovering annoyingly quickly. Goro wondered if he should’ve considered breaking his finger. 

Sakamoto reached out to Akira for a fist bump. “You don’t have the cat with ya?” 

Akira bumped him back. “Nope. Just me today.” 

“Sweet,”  Sakamoto replied, a smile growing wide. Goro hated the look. It was the hungriest and most dastardly shit-eating grin he’d ever seen him dare to make. So, knowing Sakamoto and his terrible poker face, he had thought up some idiotic ploy. 

“What’s up with you?” Akira asked, and thank god it wasn’t directed at Goro. Sakamoto’s obviousness did not go unnoticed. 

“Oh nothin’, nothin’,” said Sakamoto, entirely conspicuously, “I gotta go, though, grind never stops. Super secret stuff in the back.” 

Goro glared at him. So now he would pretend to be busy? 

“Burger secrets,” Akira said, and Ryuji gave him a finger gun in reply. He walked off without a word, but apparently felt the inclination to jerk his head back at Goro, as if he didn’t know what he was doing. 

He sighed. No amount of alone time would ever compel Goro to confess at a Big Bang Burger, of all places. At least Akira tended to be a little more bearable in conversation. He hoped he’d be an in and out customer. “Can I get you anything?” 

Akira looked at him for a moment. “You look flustered.” 

Goro felt himself twitch. He wasn’t flustered, like some preteen who can’t hear the word genital without bursting into laughter. If anything, Sakamoto had caught him off guard with his stupidity. He obviously was not one to be so affected by such a topic. He was an adult, and a professional. He would again not think about the fact he was wearing an orange visor right now. 

“I’m positive that isn’t a menu item,” he replied, keeping his pleasant smile plastered on, keeping any stray annoyance from showing. 

Akira examined him closer. “Do you have a fever or something? You look red.”

Goro drummed his fingers against the counter impatiently. What was he supposed to say? Sorry, Akira, Sakamoto just decided to kindly push the image of you railing me as a form of twisted therapy into the forefront of my consciousness. Would you like any drinks?

“I’m fine. I’m not the type to go to work sick,” he decided on instead. 

“Really?” He didn’t seem convinced. 

Goro folded his arms. “While living in a society where health is determined by the trust of the majority, I have no plans to spread my germs to an unsuspecting businessman, in that I expect the same from him.”

Akira considered that for a moment. “So you’re embarrassed, then.” 

Goro’s expression turned sour. He was not in the mood for a debate. “Everyone seems to be presuming things today, have I missed a memo?” 

Akira didn’t miss a beat. “Ryuji said something?” 

Goro dragged his fingernails into his palm. He was hardly being that obvious, he wasn’t a bumbling idiot who couldn’t keep a straight face. Akira was just acutely good at reading people, (namely, reading him) and it drove Goro up the wall. It was unfair, for one thing, since Akira continued to maintain blank expressions in the face of clowns and hookers, keeping his inner thoughts kept behind lock and key. And, as of more recently, he was the one person Goro really desperately wanted to hide every wandering emotion from possible. Just his luck, fall for the bastard who analyzes people as a side job for his savior-complex living. 

This was making him more frustrated. “Would you just order?” 

Akira looked at the menu, but Goro knew it was bullshit. He ordered the same thing every time— a shake and a burger, no tomatoes. He certainly already knew what he wanted, but was just causing trouble in the meantime. What an annoyance. Goro punched it in, and made no moves to go and cook. If Sakamoto was going to have his “business” in the back, then he could stay there and do his job. 

“Sit over there, we’ll bring it to you when it’s done,” he said, and Akira silently obliged. He gave a small smile before he turned, leaving Goro completely alone with his thoughts as he sat at his table and scrolled through his phone. 

He couldn’t believe the timing of Sakamoto’s distasteful comment to Akira’s unseasonable entrance. Things always seemed to fall into place with Goro, just not the right places. The right place, but a little down, and to the left, the left, he said. He wished Sakamoto would mind his own business, let him quietly pine until his untimely death; which kept getting put off, might he add. 

Sakamoto emerged from the back end of the restaurant. He was holding the bag of presumably Akira’s food, and his shake. He waved them enthusiastically. 

“Go on, dude,” he smirked. 

Goro was blunt. “No.” He’d pissed him off enough today. He wasn’t going to walk over there and serve the food. Sakamoto’s little idea of love, romance and marriage in a burger joint would have to wait. Ideally, it would get itself stuck in wet concrete, and drown way down under where no one could see it and where the light of day would never reach. 

Sakamoto seemed to catch his drift. “Jeez, fine. Huffy, huffy.” 

He walked over to Akira with a spring in his step, and they started chatting idly. Goro couldn’t hear. In all honesty, he was trying to tune them out. His headache was growing worse. Pounding in his head, every light too bright and repetitive music blurring together his thoughts. And of course there was the elephant in the room, who was whispering to him Sakamoto’s crude suggestions, and the irritating notion that maybe he was right, just a little bit.

He needed to get himself together. He was acting like some horny teenager. Get fucked, you raunchy elephant. 

Sakamoto left to let him eat, and made a show of going back to the other end of the restaurant, all while wiggling his eyebrows at Goro. In turn, Goro made a show of rolling his eyes and planting himself facing away from Akira. It made Sakamoto laugh, for whatever reason, and Goro just ignored him. 

He watched the door idly and tried to relax. He’d been clenching his teeth, and his jaw ached. He tried to focus to get his headache to fade into obscurity. He couldn’t find much to concentrate on, was his issue. Other than the obvious, which he would ignore without remorse. He wanted to go home. No lights too bright there, no sloppily cleaned windows, and especially no crush (the word left a bad taste in his mouth. Boy who has left him emotionally compromised after giving him no reason to deny he had worth in the world and keeps him up at night thinking about the way he really tried to will him back into existence when he could, god, have anything else in the world, and he wanted him. Was that a better option?) sitting out of view, chewing quietly and doing absolutely nothing to draw so much attention to himself.  At home he could drown it all out in a cold bath, and let himself think of nothing but his numbing toes and pruning fingers. 

“Hey, catch,” Akira said, suddenly there and startling Goro out of his bathlike daydream. He tossed something onto the counter. Goro did not catch it. 

It was a napkin, all folded up in a careful way. It didn’t hold the shape well, but the intention was pretty clear. “Um. A crane?” 

“Yup. Present for you.” he started, rubbing his neck, and he had the nerve to look bashful. “I got bored.”

Goro hadn’t noticed him making it. Which, alright, did make sense, he was purposefully keeping his neck away from that entire half of the restaurant. “Sorry we aren’t quite the height of entertainment here.” Goro lightly touched its head. He didn’t know Akira knew how to make these. “Well, thank you, I guess.”

Akira pushed his glasses further up his nose. “You’re welcome to name him.”

“I think that I won’t.”

“That can be pretty trendy, too,” he replied. “I’ve gotta go. Class. Tell Ryuji I say bye.” 

“Bye, dude!” Sakamoto shouted from the back. There was that tiresome enthusiasm again. 

It made Akira smile.“Nevermind, then. See you.” 

Goro just barely lifted his hand by the wrist to wave. “Bye.” 

Akira turned, gave him a small trill of his fingers, and left. Sakamoto did not return to his exit, and Goro savored the moment. It was just him and the crane, now. 

It was pretty shoddy. Unfolding, and barely standing up on its own. Cheap paper napkins were not the ideal material for origami, it seemed. He watched it slowly fall apart, wings losing shape and the head relaxing into its neck. Akira had hardly stayed long, so that meant he was probably pretty good at this sort of thing. He wouldn’t have guessed. 

…He thought about how it might look on proper paper. The creases sharp and crisp, the ends pointed and still. What would Akira’s hands look like while they worked? He could hear the sounds of the folding, and the wedging, clean paper being bent and rippled. Delicate fingers, working through, meticulously checking every last inch. Sometimes a pinch, just where it’s needed. And then finished, folded tight, wrapped together in itself. Very quick work, with the touch of a hand. 

“The heck is that?” Sakamoto said, getting an actual jump out of Goro. 

“What?” he gasped, and took a second to collect his thoughts. At work. Sakamoto came back. In a Big Bang Burger. Headache present. Good fucking god. “It’s just…” He pressed his fingers into the side of his temple “It’s a paper crane. Akira made it.” 

Sakamoto let that sink in.“You tellin me you were just sitting here staring at the thing Akira made you?” 

“I wasn’t,” Goro replied, trying desperately to catch his breath as casually as possible. 

“Uh, you literally were.” Sakamoto got uncomfortably close to him again. Goro physically moved away, because now was not the time. 

It didn’t deter Sakamoto whatsoever. He put his hands on his hips and gave an annoying grin. “Bro, you gotta tell him… You’ve obviously got it preeetty bad.” 

Goro was fed up with this. This conversation needed to end, or he thought he might explode. “I don’t ‘have it bad,’ Sakamoto, stop bringing this up.” 

Sakamoto smirked at him. “You so do though, is the thing.” 

“I don’t. Leave me alone.”

He shrugged his shoulders, and kept his mouth shut. He was acting so haughty, like he’d won the argument. Which, he hadn’t, for the record. 

That stupid crane. All it’d done was make things worse. And what was it even doing? Sitting here crumbling away into uselessly folded paper. A cheap napkin made of other recycled cheap napkins. Clean and crisp paper was a long sought after dream, a fantasy and nothing more. 

You know, this was just it, really. This is what he meant. Akira would try and fold him up and he’d inevitably fall back down. He didn’t know just what fantastic method he’d try, but it wouldn’t matter— he was made of what he was made of, and nothing would hold him up. Trying was pointless, risking for naught, it would be better for everyone if he stayed just how he was and didn’t overstay his use. 

He would not fit into Akira’s plans or his pities. He couldn’t. 

“…Bruh. What does that even mean.” 

Ah? “What?“ No. He had not said that out loud. Sakamoto did not just hear all that nonsense. 

Sakamoto was giving him a funny look. “You’re not a napkin, man.” 

God, shit. Shit shit shit. “I— I know that, this is just—“ The unpleasant feeling of blood rushing to his face was just as intolerable as it was unpreventable. 

“For real? Cause you sure sounded like you were calling yourself a napkin.” 

Absolutely unbelievable. How unruly was he that he’d just spouted all that like it was nothing? He couldn’t believe he had to explain himself now, but letting him get ideas was undeniably worse. “It’s supposed to be… symbolic, Sakamoto.” 

He could practically see the gears turning in his head. That wasn’t something difficult to understand, you dunce. Every second of this humiliating scene felt like a knife turning in his back. 

“Why does your brain work in such effed up ways. You gotta work on that,” Sakamoto said, not letting up his judgemental look.

He crossed his arms, trying to make his mortification appear like annoyance. “Don’t you start with me. As if you ever have something useful to say. At least I’m— I’m thinking, here.” 

That riled him up a bit. “I’m thinkin’! I almost flunked literature so maybe I’m not so good at this analysis stuff, but you know what? Hear me out.” Goro did not want to hear him out. He continued despite that. “I get it, you got your problems. But I really don’t think you callin’ yourself some shitty crane is fair, you know? Like, you’re a whole guy.”

He did not appreciate how genuine Sakamoto was acting. It was odd, and it felt awkward coming from him. He didn’t want to feel guilty for being rude to him earlier, either. Just another topic to bother him to sleep. 

Sakamoto went on. “Gahhh, it feels weird sayin’ this but like, you’re not a napkin, okay! And Akira doesn’t think so either. You’re more… complicated. Napkins don’t pay taxes or anything.” 

Ah, alright. So it was mostly bullshit. He could ease the guilt away in one fell swoop. 

Goro’s disinterest seemed to show itself well to Sakamoto. “Just, okay. Lemme get my thoughts here. You gotta like… be your own first step. I didn’t get my own shit sorted out until I actually tried to. And I’m not sayin it’s easy to do. But Imma tell you right now your first step is gonna be to stop thinking you’re a napkin or a bucket or a plate of green beans or whatever else you come up with. And I mean it, man.”

Goro knew he had things to say to that. He had thought out replies and phrases that Sakamoto would need more headspace to begin to understand. But none of them came to him. So he decided to stay threateningly quiet. 

It was well received. “Okay okay, you’re gettin’ mad, I can tell. I’m gonna take my break,” Sakamoto relented, and turned on his heel. “I ain’t really trying to tell ya what to do but give it a thinking about, alright? ‘Least for Akira’s sake,” he said over his shoulder, and left Goro almost more alone than before. 

It wasn’t even Akira’s sake Goro was worried about. Not in the way Sakamoto seemed to think. And he didn’t need to be told he wasn’t some inanimate object, he wasn’t that out of mind. 

Any sort of sensible argument would have to come to him after the fact, apparently. To tell him this wouldn’t be a “first step,” more like a hundredth. How many paces did crawling out of the hole he’d buried himself in count for? How many miles had he gone by now, barefoot and bleeding all the way. 

Such a stupid conversation. Needless, too, since for whatever reason his filter decided to leave him to fend for himself. Just another addition to this embarrassing excuse of a shift today. 

The paper crane sat still on the counter, though it hardly resembled one anymore. He almost felt bad. He had his typical pit in his stomach, but nothing exactly to pinpoint it on. Was he wallowing in that much self-loathing? 

Perhaps. 

Goro adamantly refused to have any more dramatic revelations at his part time job, so any introspections would have to come later. 

He put the crumpled crane in his pocket. It was certainly not going to be a crane once he took it out again, but he didn’t really know what else to do with it. Throwing it away felt wrong, to him. Though he wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to do with it when he got home. 

Akira hadn’t given this to him in hopes of causing some mental anguish. Or at least, he assumed so. Sakamoto had said he didn’t play mind games, but if not those, what was he doing? It felt better to know it was a game, in that way there was something about Akira’s mystery of a consciousness he could pry through. 

Was he reading into things? For sure. Reading too deeply into anything had been a talent of his for as long as he could remember. It had saved his life before, many times and in the most difficult of times. 

This crane wasn’t life threatening, but it felt like it was. Not in the thrilling way, but in the shitty way. 

His shift was over soon. Which reminded him, Sakamoto had surely already taken his break. He was a dip, but Goro preferred his own thoughts to any conversation they’d had today. And that was saying something, since getting out of his own head was a much needed relief that he’d take almost any chance he got. 

He was overthinking, and there was nothing he could do about it. He would continue to overthink until someone stole his brain and dunked it in acid. Where was the enjoyment otherwise? It was all he knew how to do. 

And even he didn’t overthink this— if Akira had given this to him in earnest and in playfulness, and if Sakamoto hadn’t been overtly pulling his leg through their shifts today. There wasn’t even anything remarkable about it. If there was a chance that maybe things were just okay, and getting better, and he wasn’t a living metaphor for a tissue. Oh just, say he invited him out for coffee, and Akira surprised him with a new little creation, less spur of the moment and made something almost sweet. He’d never drop his pride so low as to ask for a lesson, but if he did, maybe he could learn to make something, too. And maybe he wouldn’t hate every moment of it, and maybe he’d like getting so close, and maybe he’d appreciate the mistakes as much as the praises. 

…Hm.

That was just a fantasy, of course. And surely, nothing was all that great about it. Anything could go wrong in any number of ways, his own interventions just one category. 

Maybe it was the headache, or the dragging on shift, or the terrible lights, or the distant humming of his coworker, but Goro must’ve been caught off guard today. Because otherwise, why else would he have thought, not long and not convincingly, but still a thought as present as can be, that maybe, despite everything. 

It could be nice. Just for a little bit. Maybe that didn’t sound quite so bad. 

Not so bad at all. 

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!