#wanted to commit to a long term project … here we are :-)

[illuteridae]

have i mentioned i’ve been making a webcomic

[evnseokz]

{ ☆ the power play ~ l.hs }

pairing: office rival! heeseung x f.reader

contents: pwp, office rivalry trope, p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it up!), pet names baby, sweetheart, cum eating, fingering, big dick! heeseung, dirty talk, cream pie, think that’s it

a.n: based off this request here! so sorry for how long this took!!! wc: 2.3k i’ve marked where the smut starts if anyone wants to skip the plot!

the rivalry between you and heeseung had grown so thick that even the slightest exchange felt like a battle for supremacy. it started innocently enough with a few competitive projects, but over time, it had turned into something almost corrosive. every conversation felt like a subtle game of one-upmanship, every meeting a battleground where the smallest mistake from one could send the other into a smug, quiet victory.

it all came to a head one monday morning during the weekly team meeting. the new project proposal was up for discussion, and everyone knew that whoever led it would have the best shot at the upcoming promotion. heeseung leaned back in his chair, a slight smirk playing at the corners of his mouth as he presented his ideas. the room was silent as he spoke, confident and composed, like he had already claimed the role as the project's lead.

you sat across from him, arms crossed, waiting for your turn. it wasn’t that heeseung’s ideas were bad—they were, in fact, quite brilliant. but the way he presented them, as if they were the only option, the only way forward, grated on your nerves.

when it was your turn, you stood and cleared your throat, the quiet tension in the room only amplifying as you faced the team. "while heeseung’s idea is solid," you began, keeping your voice even but firm, "i think we’re missing something crucial. we can’t afford to rely on just one approach, especially when we haven’t even considered the long-term impact of some of these strategies."

heeseung’s eyes narrowed, and his mouth set into a thin line. he leaned forward, hands clasped on the table in front of him. "you’re suggesting we scrap the proposal entirely?" he asked, his tone deceptively calm but with an edge that couldn’t be ignored.

"no," you replied, your voice unwavering. "i’m suggesting we think bigger. diversify our strategies before we commit to anything. we can’t put all our eggs in one basket, especially not with this much at stake."

heeseung’s gaze flickered with frustration, but he kept his composure. "that’s a nice theory, y/n, but in reality, it’s impractical. you’re overcomplicating things. sometimes, a single focus is more effective."

"overcomplicating?" you shot back, your temper flaring slightly. "it’s called planning for every possibility, heeseung. not everyone is content with playing it safe and hoping it works out."

the room grew uncomfortable, the rest of the team shifting in their seats, but neither you nor heeseung looked away. the air crackled with a silent challenge, both of you unwilling to back down.

after a moment, heeseung finally broke the silence. "fine. we’ll see whose approach works out in the end, won’t we?" his tone was still controlled, but the undercurrent of rivalry was unmistakable. you didn’t flinch. "we will. and i’ll be ready when it does."

the rest of the meeting dragged on, but the rivalry was the only thing anyone could focus on. it was clear now: both you and heeseung were determined to outdo each other, not just professionally but personally. neither would back down. and as the weeks went on, the tension only deepened, fueling a silent war between you that made every interaction feel like a high-stakes gamble.

-

in the bustling, fluorescent-lit office, your eyes were fixed on the spreadsheet in front of you, but your mind kept drifting. every few seconds, you could feel heeseung's presence in the room, like an electric charge in the air. it wasn’t just the fact that he had a way of effortlessly drawing attention with his quiet charisma—no, this was something more. it was the tension, palpable and thick, that seemed to hang between you like a tightrope waiting to snap.

heeseung, sitting just a few desks away, was no less aware of it. his calm, collected demeanor couldn’t hide the flicker of competition in his eyes every time your paths crossed. a few months ago, he’d started as the golden boy—quick, efficient, charming, and always one step ahead. but you weren’t one to back down from a challenge, and ever since that first project where heeseung had stolen the spotlight, the rivalry between you had only grown more intense.

the stakes were high now. with the promotion looming over the department, both you and heeseung were scrambling to prove you were the one to lead the team into the next quarter. every glance, every subtle comment, was a silent battle for dominance, each trying to outdo the other without saying a word.

you could feel heeseung’s gaze on you again—this time not as a quiet observer, but as if he were assessing you, calculating. your pulse quickened. this wasn’t just business anymore. this was personal.

you shifted in your chair, trying to focus, but the weight of his stare was unbearable. you had to do something. your mind raced, trying to push past the tension that wrapped itself around every thought. the idea of him constantly one-upping you, trying to assert his dominance—it made your blood boil.

but then, there was something else—something that you couldn’t ignore. a part of you that wasn’t just fighting for the promotion anymore. a part of you that felt a strange, undeniable pull toward him, something that went beyond rivalry.

you glanced up and caught heeseung’s eyes. this time, the challenge was different. it wasn’t just professional; it was something more raw. the silence between you deepened, and in that moment, everything else in the office disappeared. the hum of the fluorescent lights, the tapping of keyboards—it all faded away.

you stood up abruptly, unable to sit still any longer. heeseung didn’t move, but his eyes never left yours, the intensity of his gaze heightening as you took a few steps closer. the air between you felt charged, thick with all the words you hadn���t said, the emotions you hadn’t acknowledged.

you stopped a few feet away from him, your heart pounding in your chest. the office felt suffocating, but strangely electric, as if the universe had decided it was time for this standoff to come to a head.

“you know,” you said, your voice low, but the challenge still clear, “i could beat you at this.”

heeseung’s lips curled into that smirk of his—the one that always made you want to wipe it off his face. he leaned forward slightly, his voice almost a whisper. “you think so?”

before you could respond, he stood too. the movement was quick but calculated. he took a step toward you, his body closing the distance between you until there was nothing but the slightest breath of space separating you. his presence overwhelmed you, a mix of intensity and something else—something that made your thoughts scatter, your breath catch.

you swallowed hard, unsure of what came next, but before you could even think about it, heeseung’s hand reached up, brushing against your cheek in a gesture that was at once soft and daring. your pulse skipped. his touch was gentle, but the way he looked at you, like he was waiting for you to make the first move, made everything inside you tense.

then, almost as if the universe itself had decided you both were done with pretending, heeseung leaned in.

his lips brushed yours—barely a touch, but enough to send a rush of heat through your entire body. you froze, heart racing, not sure whether to pull away or lean in. but before you could make that decision, he kissed you again, this time more firmly, his lips moving against yours with a quiet, relentless urgency.

for a moment, all the tension, all the rivalry, all the years of fighting for dominance seemed to disappear. in its place was something that felt wild, untamed, and raw.

you kissed him back, unable to fight it any longer. the world outside the office—the promotion, the competition, the rivalry—vanished. all that mattered in that moment was the taste of him, the electric pull between you.

{smut starts here}

the kiss deepened quickly, his tongue swiping your bottom lip for entry, which you grant. your hands trailed up his shoulders to around his neck, his traveling to your waist, gripping tightly. before you could react, heeseung lifted you and placed you on the edge of the desk, knocking things over in the process but not even sparing them a second glance.

your hands moved down to his tie, gripping it harshly while pulling him even closer to you. his hands rested on your thighs, fiddling with the seam of the tight pencil skirt you wore that drove him crazy. hugging your curves in all the right places. his fingers slipped underneath, pushing the skirt up and bunching it around your waist. your tights came next, him pulling them down to pool around your ankles. at this point, you have broken the kiss to quickly get him undressed.

you let go of his tie to help his shrug his blazer off his shoulders, your hands dipping down to his belt next, unbuckling it frantically before tossing it to the side. his pants were next; he took over unbuttoning them as you reached inside his boxers to rub his length. fuck he felt so big in your hand. his body shuddered at your touch, sweat already starting to pool at his temples. he removed your hand from his pants. guiding your arms around his neck again.

“hold on for me, sweetheart,” he cooed into your ear, his breath fanning your skin, making you shiver. you nod eagerly as his hands make their way to your dripping pussy. his fingers press against your clothed heat, and your body jolts slightly. “you’re so wet already,” he smirked to himself as he spoke. “you’ve wanted this, haven't you? wanted me all over you? inside you?” he purred into your ear cockily. you couldn’t even bring yourself to roll your eyes, too desperate to have him inside you.

“please, heeseung, just do something!” you whine, your usual competitive self, not even desiring to argue with him. he chuckles at your eagerness; not wasting any more time, he pushes your panties to the side before plunging two fingers inside you without warning. your chest heaves as your back arches, a loud moan falling from your lips. all that can be heard in the quiet office is the squelching of his fingers pumping in and out of you at a brutal pace.

“think you can take three? hm?” he challenges. “y-yes! please!” you cry out; he quickly adds in a third finger, the obscene noises becoming even louder as your slick makes a mess of his fingers and the desk beneath you. your body is shaking at this point, and he hasn’t even put his cock in you yet. you feel yourself begin to unravel, the knot in your stomach tightening. “close!” you cry out, gripping heeseung’s neck for dear life as you prepare for your orgasm to wash over you.

but as soon as you feel it coming, heeseung removes his fingers from you entirely, making you whine at the loss of stimulation. he brings his fingers up to his mouth, licking and sucking them clean before digging his cock out of his unbuttoned pants. your eyes gawk at the sight in front of you. this was the biggest dick you had ever seen. fuck, you weren’t sure if you could take it. heeseung chuckled at your reaction; he was used to it; he knew he was larger than most.

he stroked himself a couple of times before lining himself up with your entrance. your breath hitched in your throat as you felt his thick tip prod against your entrance, your body still shaking from the letdown of your previous orgasm. slowly, he pushed the tip inside you, your fingers raked down his back, his thick cock stretching you the most you’ve ever been stretched. he pushes further inside of you, about halfway, and you feel like you’re being split open.

“f-fuck! you’re so big,” you moan, your chest heaving as you try to adjust to his size. “just a little more. you can take a little more, can't you?” he coos as he tucks a stray hair behind your ear, caressing your cheek lovingly. you nod slowly, preparing for the final stretch. in one swift motion, heeseung bottoms out completely inside you, his tip poking your cervix. your head is thrown back, your lip is between your teeth.

heeseung stays still inside you for a moment before rocking his hips slowly against yours. quiet pants fall from your lips as he picks up the pace; one hand is holding your waist, the other is bringing your face back towards him as he kisses you feverishly, lips molding against each other perfectly in sync.

his cock drags through your walls, finally maintaining a steady pace as he stretches out your tight cunt. small grunts land against your lips as he kisses you, your arms tightening around him to bring him closer. you want to be inside his skin at this point. he pulls away from the kiss. “relax, i’m not going anywhere, baby.”

his kisses the corner of your lips before trailing down your jaw and neck, sucking lightly in some places. the combination of his lips on your skin and his thick cock inside you driving you to your previously denied orgasm almost immediately. “c-cumming!” you moaned out as your body shook, your legs trembling as your hips bucked. “fuck!” heeseung hissed as your cunt clenched around him, sucking him in and keeping him there until you milked him for all he’s worth. his load shooting deep inside of you as his thrusts became lazy and slow.

he pulls out of you, his cum dripping out of your sopping hole, and heeseung is quick to react. taking his fingers and scooping his cum back into your pussy before moving your panties back into place, pulling up your tights, and pulling down your skirt before helping you up and off the desk. he puts himself back in order as well before leaning back down to look at you.

“finish your work for the night with my cum sitting inside you, and we’ll see what else i can do for you later.”

.

..

…

[prettyrealm]

a message from the universe 🌌

pick a card #2: sometimes we can all use a bit of direction! here’s what the universe wants you to shift your focus to and what you should work on to improve your overall quality of life 🌼

how to participate:

🌤️ ask yourself "what should I focus on?" “what should I put more energy into?”

🌷pick the spring sanrio plush that you feel most drawn to.

clear your mind & take as long as you need to choose. keep in mind that you may feel drawn to & choose more than one. you also may not feel drawn to any of them, so don't force it! please consider your headspace before participating as these readings will be honest. the piles are in order from left to right.

🌸 pile 1

there’s something you’re in denial about and the universe wants you to know it’s best you summon the courage to come to terms with it. it’s time you try to acknowledge these issues now to overcome them and not carry this weight with you. be honest about yourself, your intentions and others. I feel this may have to do with someone trying to take something away from you that’s rightly yours, or the give-and-take dynamic of this situation is denying you of achieving your goals. there is no balance - you may be giving more to this person or project than you receive and your resentment is growing. you may even find yourself giving without true genuine compassion, now carrying a “you owe me.” mindset that only stresses you out. facing the reality of this situation, acknowledging it and making a change will bring very good things to you, and very soon at that. you may have gone through a time of hardship, but things are settling and the universe wants you to know that big and positive changes can and will come into your life be it you follow direction. release your fears. you are ready.

💐 pile 2

the universe wants you to know bright new prospects have opened up! you have and will be making immense progress towards your goals - big strides. you may have felt super optimistic lately and this isn’t for no reason, things will be looking up for you. you have nothing to fear. it is time for you to put trust in the universe and in yourself, something amazing is in store for you and you may even feel like a miracle is unfolding before your very eyes. the only downfall is a bit of conflict may appear before you get here - strife and conflict - prepare for battle, but no worries, you will come out on top. this competition will bring out your passion and show your commitment and may even cause others to admire you more for it. don’t be petty, fight fairly and stay honest. seek true understanding. this small hiccup aside, your desires are manifesting, and your new life is on its way.

(note: if you’re someone who has been trying for a child I can assure you it’s coming soon!)

☁️ pile 3

the universe wants you to look forward to new friends, a new environment and seeking knowledge. important things will be happening soon and you may need to prepare for a change in your relationships. you are being told you need to rid yourself of problems and memories you dwell on from the recent past and practice forgiveness. focus on the changes you and others are making to usher in and happily welcome this new change of scenery. moving past the trails you’ve faced will only strengthen your connection and appreciation for your family members. the universe also wants you to practice and strengthen your powers of reason, stop letting emotion cloud your judgement and make your decisions for you. come to solutions without blaming people, playing the victim or projecting. you’re being given the power to think more clearly and objectively at this time to make the changes to your life that you need, so use it. should you listen to the universe, a weight will be lifted from your shoulders and a sense of freedom will wash over you.

🐣 pile 4

the universe wants you to know your problems are or will be resolved! expect an end or at least an extended break from whatever adversaries you’ve been facing recently. the waters are nice and clear from here on out so feel safe jumping on any opportunity that arises - and they will. whatever your desires may be, the door to obtaining them will be opening up soon. it appears many doors have actually opened for you in the past, but you never took the chance. it’s likely you didn’t realize these opportunities were MEANT for you, but it’s time you stop taking them for granted and start receiving. all the universe asks is that you stop taking things for granted and appreciate what you have. count your blessings, maybe even start a gratitude journal. pay attention to the way you move and your influence on others, be kinder, more responsible and more sweet to those who aid you every day. do not bite the hand that feeds you, and opportunities and gifts will begin to shower you.

🦋 pile 5

the universe is asking you to look to an older male figure in your life. he’s looking out for you and he has the skills and connections that you need at this time. he will be very responsive if you ask for help and expect nothing in return, genuinely wanting the best for you. he is very well-educated and will help push you along on your path, but also provide you with valuable information that will greatest help you in the future. do not take his help for granted and make sure to show your appreciation along the way, this will strengthen the connection and only help you in the long term. you are being asked to relax and relinquish your burdens, accept this assistance and allow the weight to be lifted from your shoulders. you may be extremely stressed recently and these are all things that will help you relieve that stress, but also push you closer to your desires. spend this time day dreaming about, fantasizing about and visualizing what you want for your future.

🐝 pile 6

the universe wants to let you know that you’re on your way to perfecting your craft and rewards will so be yours as a result of your proficiency and hard work! I do see you need to work on getting more information before you make any big decisions. research throughly, consult with others, get a lot of data even if that means as far as going to seminars or watching online lectures. this aside, success and glory is on the horizon! life might feel pretty good right now, but there’s even more joy and happiness in store for you. the universe wants you to step out of your comfort zone, push the limits and stop playing it safe - you’ve been restricted for too long. do not fall victim to close minded thinking, moving off of assumptions and negative history. try to think from a new perspective and don’t get stuck in a loop of bad thought patterns. free yourself.

[devilfic]

girl. the honeymoon series. LIVING FOR IT. this is a really like loose request, but could you do like a charity event night? not really sure what to happen but the thought of having to reallllly sell the whole marriage thing to everyone at the event is just quite interesting. thriving rn

❝honeymoon❞

IV. sugar-coating.

parts: previously / next plot: an ex corners you, bringing up bad memories. bruce offers you super illegal catharsis. pairing: battinson!bruce wayne x gn!reader. cw: arranged marriage, friends to enemies to (fake) lovers, implied history between reader and bruce, angst, eventual fluff, reader has a scummy ex, bruce is allowed to be a little bit chaotic as a treat and so are you. words: 2.8k.

"So. Wayne, huh? How's that going for you?"

You laugh behind your glass, feigning innocence with a light and fluttery "What do you mean?"

Coulson is a family friend, as much yours as he is Bruce's, and even though he's the competition, he treats you and Bruce with as much respect as you could hope for in your line of work. Bonds formed in boarding school tended not to break easily, "It's just... gotta wonder what you did to make it up to him. Last I checked, you didn't even exist to him."

You swallow your champagne, just for something better to do than flinching, "Yeah, well, he found it in his heart to hear me out. Love like that doesn't really go away."

Coulson's eyes narrow for a second. He doesn't fully believe you. In an attempt to steer toward calmer waters, he elbows you in the side, "Must've learned some impressive tricks if it got that skirt-chaser to commit." But calmer didn't mean desirable.

You really don't want to discuss what you and Bruce (don't) do in the bedroom right now, so you steer the conversation a different direction, "And how is your new girlfriend, Coulson?"

He has a lot to say about her. A violinist in the Gotham City Orchestra with two degrees and a tour coming up later this year. He tells you he'll send you and Bruce tickets, tells you that one of the tour dates is in Spain and it will line up with your anniversary next year. The mention of your anniversary makes your stomach knot up a bit; the wedding was still weeks away, and you'd only just gotten on decent speaking terms with Bruce.

If anyone here knew how thin your marriage's facade was, it would be more than an embarrassment. Your mother would waterboard you in your own blood and tears.

It helped that most people didn't have a clue. Sure, there was gossip and the occasional rumor, but it was all for "fun". It never went anywhere, and any whisper that got too big for its britches could be easily stamped out with a little effort.

But Coulson? He was a friend. He'd known you a long time. If anyone were to put weight to a rumor about you and Bruce, it would be him. Which is why you couldn't let him figure you out.

"...For a while there, I swore you and Bruce weren't on speaking terms at all." Your ears catch the last bit of Coulson's rambling, right as he settles into a silent, knowing smile. "Care to catch me up on the rekindling?"

Well, you see, there's this little thing called blackmail- "When the board appointed me as acting CEO, I felt it time to reach out and make amends. It'd been years since we'd even talked, and with him so busy with his projects, we never really saw each other either. I was surprised that he even had the time, so we met up and just talked. About everything. About the company, about his work, about... what happened. It was a little while after the flood, so it just sort of lined up at the right time."

Coulson nods, impressed and seemingly unaware you'd just pulled that out of your ass, "Damn. Near-death experiences really do wonders for the heart. And now you have a wedding coming up." He catches it before you do, the micro-expression of discomfort. You swear his smile gets bigger, "What's that? Don't tell me there's trouble in paradise already?"

"No, sorry. Not trouble. Just stress. Lots of wedding planning and company business at once. I was kind of hoping to get away from it all here, focus my efforts on alleviating others' stresses." You tip your glass in the direction of the giant banner at the entrance that reads, "Hope For Homes: Housing Gotham's Youth One Helping Hand at a Time".

Coulson doesn't take his eyes off you for a second, "Had I known you were ready to settle down, I wouldn't have let Bruce beat me to it."

“I’m sorry?”

Your friend's smile doesn't waver. You feel a chill settling in your chest, a warning that he’d taken control again. You try to casually scan the crowd for Bruce but you find him in deep discussion with some business partners and your stomach twists. He’s turned, he can’t see you. You can’t call for help.

“Ah, you know,” Coulson steps forward, a friendly distance to anyone else, “saw you and Brucie together and just got to thinking about us. You remember, don’t you?” You keep a solid expression, much to his amusement, “Or was I just a step on the ladder too?”

It’s supposed to be a joke. You ought to laugh it off. You do, stiffly, pressing your sweating glass to your inner wrist to ground yourself, “We were… 17. Weren’t we?”

“The first time, yeah.”

“How could I forget?”

“You did always like Bruce better.” Coulson comes closer. He’s close enough now that anyone would think you were just two childhood friends gossiping, reminiscing on your youth and laughing all about it. Coulson keeps up a pretty smile even as your heartbeat accelerates, “Always worried about him. Always running after him. He didn’t even give you the time of day.”

You keep smiling, “He was angry. I understood-“

“Bullshit,” and he says this so loud that a few people turn and look, but with such a joyful expression that they don’t look long, “you were obsessed with the guy! Couldn’t stand the idea of him knowing what you really are.”

Your blood curdles. You know you should correct him, but your jaw is locked tight.

"That's okay. Bruce is... fickle. One day he's in love with you, the next you're a bug on a windshield. You're no bug now, are you?"

Now he's pushing it. The hand that captures your chin is lightly scented with cardamom, what should smell pleasing and sexy and disabling. It should sweep you into familiar arms, whisk you off into a whirlwind affair that gets the whole party talking. It should spark controversy. It should make you excited to ruin your mother's plans.

Your heart pangs as you remember the look on Bruce's face. Standing in the hall, one hand on the door to the library, yours and your mother's faces illuminated in flickering candlelight. You must've looked like a monster to him the way he fled-

You grab his wrist and tug, peppering a laugh in as if this is all just one big joke, "Let go."

Coulson's eyes spark alight, "I like you the way you are. You know what you want."

"I am not a gold-digger."

"But you are. Even if mommy's pulling the strings, you like being pulled. Only someone with something to gain would play along."

He'd looked at you once like you'd hung the sun in the sky, and now you were the devourer of light. You had consumed it, put out its burning devotion in one fell swoop. And then nothing. As if you were nothing before and would never be anything after. You were nothing as he told you, in no uncertain terms-

"Coulson, let go."

"I wouldn't mind, you know. Brucie is too soft for you. My girlfriend, you know, love her to death, pretends she's not in it for the money. People like that? They come into our world and think that we don't see how it changes them. How they're driven by it just like the rest of us are. She thinks she has to prove to me that she's different. You don't have to. You're committed, I respect that. But it doesn't have to be Bruce."

Your hands tremble at your sides. Almost more than you've ever wanted anything in your life, you want to give him a shiner that would put you out of high society. Your dominant hand curls into a fist, delighted by the idea.

You go to bat off the hand that touches your hip, but when your skin meets theirs, you recognize it isn't Coulson's. You feel the coolness of their ring against your sweating palm and almost sag into it, "I leave you alone for one second, and vultures descend." Bruce places a cool, gentle kiss to your temple. His lips hover there as he turns ever so slightly towards your ex. Coulson releases your chin. "Coulson. How's Lydia?"

You shouldn't delight in the way Coulson tightens up as much as you do, "Bruce! Good to see you. She's fantastic. Tour starts later this year. You lovebirds should come."

"It's a shame she couldn't make it."

"Oh, you know how it is. I'm still in good company. Right?" Coulson turns to you, winks. His smile is rigid.

When others are around, Bruce would snap back into a Wayne: all propriety and good will. You take a look at his expression and it is unreadable. There's a faint smile there, but nothing else he gives away. He is studying Coulson quite intensely though. You don't think he's blinked in a minute.

His eyes flicker down in fake-bashfulness, "I should thank you for that. You know once the board starts talking numbers, they can't stop. Not even for a good cause." Coulson nods politely along, half-listening, "You did good seeking this one out instead. I'm sure you've heard more than enough about numbers after this past month."

It was a simple statement. Most of the people in this room had been spending their days stuffed into board meetings for the end of the fiscal quarter, talking about finance, watching the stock market, money and more money... but it was the bit at the end that did it.

Coulson's eye twitches just so. He hesitates on asking but just can't help himself, "How do you mean?"

Bruce's smile takes on a patronizing color, "Oh, the boys and I were just discussing... sorry, I thought... I assumed it was public knowledge by now, forgive me." He laughs, just a touch awkward enough that it looks like he didn't mean to say anything at all. Now Coulson's smile is falling.

Even you are curious.

Coulson crosses his arms, hugging himself, "It was... a minor error reallocating funds. Nothing more. It isn't public knowledge because it's been handled. Who told you about it?"

"Has it? Been handled, I mean."

You glance between the two of them. For the first time since he'd come over, Bruce looks back at you.

Coulson clears his throat, "It has. Anyone saying otherwise must not have anything better to talk about."

Bruce hums. His mouth falls from your temple to your cheek, placing another kiss there, then another behind your ear. The hand on your hip moves to close around your neck, holding you close so not a word slips out of the space between you and him, "Let's go."

You keep your eyes on Coulson's, watching the gentle flicker between annoyance and politeness. You throw in a giggle for good measure, "Sure thing."

Bruce peels back from you, acknowledging Coulson with little more than a nod, "Good seeing you, Coulson. I'd stick around longer but I think I'm gonna steal them home, if you don't mind."

"Not at all! I envy how much you two are obsessed with each other, truly." Coulson sips his champagne and in a bitter tone, shifts his focus to you, "Think on what I said, hm?"

The nerve.

Bruce is whisking you toward the front doors without giving you a moment to respond. He kisses you more, leans into you with an arm thrown around your shoulders and a giddy smile as he sets his barely-touched champagne on a waiter's tray.

It isn't until you two are outside by the curb that you break your silence, "Thank you."

Bruce doesn't fully acknowledge you with his body, even as his arm remains slung about you, helping keep the chill of the night off you. He sends off a message for your driver, "What for?"

That was right. You'd never actually gotten to talk to Bruce about Coulson, "He... he was questioning the marriage. Questioning if you were the right fit for me. Saying that maybe I'd be better off with someone who understands me," you grit the next part out, "the real me."

"And?"

You look at him. He's watching cars pass as your eyes prick with tears. "I don't think he understands me at all. He never did."

He appraises you out of the corner of his eye, "Could've told you that years ago."

"You wouldn't even give me the time of day four months ago."

You've got him there. You're shocked to find that he isn't annoyed, or defensive, or even ignoring you. He sucks his teeth and shrugs. Presses the bottom of his shoe into an old cigarette on the sidewalk, snuffing out a flame that had died a long time ago. "You were going to hit him. I saw you." You feel heat crawl up your neck as you remember. "I don't know what he said, but he would've deserved it."

"I... couldn't. You know I couldn't."

Bruce turns up his nose as if he's smelled something foul, "It would've felt good, though."

"Yes."

The two of you wait there, just wobbling in the wind, watching cars go by as music and chatter and people flutter out of the ballroom behind you. You don't know what you're waiting for, but you can indulge yourself once in a while. If Bruce wants to stand on the street with his arm around you doing nothing, then maybe you ought to take the time to do nothing.

A few minutes pass before Bruce releases you, nodding for you to follow him up the street. You do, even confused.

He stops right in front of a bright red convertible, a shiny and expensive thing, parked just far enough out of the way that the music is fainter here. "C'mere," Bruce instructs, walking around the front of the sports car, and you follow him, watching your step lest you fall prey to a puddle, "hold this."

He removes the handkerchief from his front suit pocket and lays it over your open palm, much to your bewilderment. Then, reaching into the inside of his jacket, he drops a batarang into your hand.

"Bruce-!" You instinctively close your hand around the thing to hide it, thankful that his handkerchief kept you from slicing your palm open, "what are you-"

"One tire is a spare. Two is a tow."

"Have you been drinking? Like actually?"

You're startled by the grin he gives you, "If we stand here all night, someone'll catch us."

You go to argue when you recognize something hanging from the car's rear view mirror. A pair of dingy, fuzzy dice. Dice you've seen before in older, just as expensive cars. This is Coulson's car.

You grab Bruce by the arm and turn him to you, "Are you insane?"

"It's better than punching him."

The batarang weighing in your hand feels a little lighter at that.

"Couldn’t stand the idea of him knowing what you really are.”

Who Coulson thought you were wouldn't slash the tires of a backup option. They'd be nice, wait it out, play the game for maximum benefit. Jump ship at the first sign of trouble. They wouldn't risk making enemies. They'd let their mother keep pulling their strings.

You sink the batarang into the first tire's sidewall sharp and quick. If Bruce is curious as to how you know how to slash tires, he doesn't ask. He moves beside you and blocks onlookers from seeing what you're doing. When you move onto the next, the entire left side of the car is beginning to sink toward the ground.

Bruce confiscates the batarang from you and quickly tucks it back into his suit pocket, calmly walking you back down the street to where your ride is waiting.

As he is holding the back door open for you, you turn to look up at him and find your breath catching at the still present grin on his face. You haven't seen him this happy to be alone in your presence in a while. It feels... familiar. He meets your eyes and you're reminded of a younger you. A you that could kiss Bruce with all the bubbling adrenaline in your veins. A Bruce that would let you. A Bruce that thought you hung the sun in the sky.

That grin of his softens but doesn't fully go anywhere. You drink it all in. You don't know when you'll see it again.

Bruce touches the small of your back as a taxi whips by, driving cool air up into your faces and breaking the moment. You indulge in the touch for as long as he lets you.

[alien-girl-21]

The Käärijä Research Paper (tm)

aka: Error Analysis of the Use of English Articles in Jere Pöyhönen Interviews in 2023

(Before we start, a couple of clarifications: firstly, I am a linguistics student and this research was my final project for my psycholinguistics course, secondly, this was a group research and I have gotten permission from my friends to share these results with y'all so tysm to them, and lastly, the og work is LONG, 50 pages long, so I'm condensing it into the important bits)

Findings and explanations under the cut <3

Before sharing the actual research, i'm going to share some important terms for you guys to understand the overall layout of this work.

Error analysis: kind of self explanatory, it's the process of analyzing errors, specifically in one's speech, more on how we did this later.

Omission: The alienation of a linguistic form in speech (i.e. I go to (the) supermarket.).

Addition: The opposite of omission, putting an unnecessary linguistic form in a sentence (i.e. It's the maybe half and half.).

Substitution: Exchanging a linguistic form for another one (i.e. He admitted to have stolen a wallet. Instead of: He admitted to having stolen a wallet.).

Overgeneralization: Looking at a grammatical rule and thinking it applies to every case with no exceptions (i.e. finding out verbs conjugated in the past end in -ed and creating conjugations like writted instead of written). Also known as intralingual transfer.

Negative transfer: When your mother tongue (L1) seeps into your second/foreign language (L2) (in this case it's foreign language, but I'll still call it an L2 for simplicity's sake), if we're talking about Spanish negative transfer it can look like: the car red (Spanish adjectives go after the noun, unlike in English). Also known as interlingual transfer.

Local error: An error that does not affect the overall meaning of the sentence, making it still understandable.

Global error: An error that affects the overall meaning of the sentence, making it difficult to understand without clarifications.

Okay, with that out of the way, let me explain what we did:

We decided to make an error analysis on how Jere utilized articles (the, a/an) throughout 2023, for this we considered 2 interviews and 1 Instagram live, the interviews were: KÄÄRIJÄ TRIES LITHUANIAN FOOD (uploaded on 12/04/23) and Episode 3: Käärijä and friends (uploaded on 26/12/23), the ig live was the one he did to promote the release of Huhhahhei on 19/10/23, the dates are important for later.

Now, to do the error analysis in itself we followed Rod Ellis’ proposal for error analysis which follows four main steps:

Identifying errors: Self-explanatory, you see what errors one has committed.

Describing errors: Once you see the errors, you describe what exactly the error is, it can be with grammatical categories, or with omission, misinformation, addition, misordering, and substitution.

Explaining errors: After describing the error you need to explain why this error was committed, the two main ways are through overgeneralization and negative transfer.

Error evaluation: After all this, you identify how the error affected the overall message of the sentence being spoken, was it local or global?

We put these steps into a chart and listened to the interviews and identified the errors we found, it’s a really long chart, so if you want to see it fully you can find it here (hopefully). After identifying all the errors and doing our own error analysis we… well, analyzed the data, duh, according to the objectives we set up for the research.

Our first objective was to identify errors Jere has committed regarding articles in the three videos I mentioned. What we analyzed was more grammatical, so what grammatical structure he used the most. He usually omits an article before a noun and with adjectives, like in: “We go to bar with my producer…”, or “Käärijä goes to boat.”, or “I am fine, uh… little bit tired.”. Obviously, this is kind of expected because Finnish does not have articles, but he also adds articles when it is not necessary, like in: “I have the one festival.” Here are the charts of the grammatical trends:

Then we focused on the describing errors part of our analysis. In this part, we found out that he usually finds himself committing omission errors, with 67 in total across the three videos, like I said before, expected, however, the second most common error is addition, this means he adds an unnecessary article in a sentence, and what’s interesting is that he usually does it with the article “the”. Since this is not an actual academic article I will speculate with a full chest: I think he does this because people are usually taught that “the” is the only article in English (only definite one, but not the only one), and that nouns usually have an article accompanying them, so I think that he adds the when he is unsure if an article needs to go there or not. Finally, there was only one case of substitution: “This is the lovely story.”, not really sure why he did this, but it’s interesting that it only happened once. Have the charts and graphs:

We moved to the next step: explaining errors. When we started this research, we thought that we would only have negative transfers since, ya know, Finnish grammar and all, and we were kind of right? He has committed negative transfer errors the most, with 66 in total, but he also had 23 overgeneralization errors, which I didn’t really expect to happen with articles that much. Not much else to say here, have charts:

Lastly, error evaluation. He made mostly local errors, which is what mainly characterizes his speech, we know what he’s saying, he just usually lacks some grammatical form that doesn’t affect his overall meaning. He did have 15 global errors that unless you have the context, it can be a little confusing to understand what he’s trying to say (like in the ig live he said “here tour” when he wanted to say “here in the tour”). Charts!

Our final objective was to see the evolution of these errors, has he made more or less as time went on? Well, since we all can see and hear, he has made a great improvement! You already have the charts above to understand that, but I just have to explain it. In the first interview, in April, he made 50 mistakes in total, by the ig live he had cut those in half, and by the latest interview he gave in English he had cut the mistakes in half again! Have the graphs to accurately see this:

He has improved so much in such a short amount of time! Even more impressive when he hasn’t really taken any formal English classes, just by talking to Bojan and Alessandra. There’s a difference between language learning and language acquisition that was proposed by Stephen Krashen (cool dude, if you’re interested in language learning, go check him out). He says that people usually learn more by acquiring (unconscious) rather than learning (conscious), and you can see that Jere has learnt so much by acquiring English through his friends and his own experiences! And this is just looking at how he uses articles, there is also a distinctive change in how he uses other grammatical forms (but that was too much work for just 2 weeks, maybe I’ll do it later, no promises on anything, though). Even if we’re not talking about his grammatical and syntactical forms, his pronunciation has improved as well! My friends were fascinated by how his accent seemed to develop from video to video, which was very sweet because his accent is one of my favorite things about his speech, but that’s off topic.

The general takeaway from this research is: Jere still has a lot of Finnish tendencies in his English, he has developed his own grammatical structures to communicate in English, and how much he improved in an 8-month period is kind of insane, especially for an adult (who are the age group who have the most trouble learning languages). He’s the it-girl of blowing off a linguist’s mind (me, I’m the linguist)

That would be all!! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask! I'm more than glad to answer them

[badasbebi]

the cupid project ➛ 2/2

part one

✦ pairing: bada lee x fem!reader

✦ summary: you and your long-term work crush devise a plan to win a company contest. in the end, you wind up going to extreme lengths to commit to the bit

✦ genre/au: fluff, smut MDNI!!, fake dating, videographer reader, bada's extra sweet here, slight friends to lovers

✦ word count: 7k

✦ warnings: isn't proofread. top!bada. bada carries a strap and im not talking about a gun. fingering.

✦ a/n: happy (early) valentine's day!

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

When the two of you arrive, the bowling alley is mostly empty, save for the JustJerk employees milling around and a couple of people hanging out in the arcade. The staff member at the counter gives you a warm greeting and directs the two of you to the lane your friends are at. 

You walk up the ramp, scanning the area. The first person you spot is Hoyeon, who is sitting down, chatting with Minho. When she notices the two of you, her lips stretch into a wide smile and she raises a hand to wave. You return the gesture, and the two of you approach her.

"Hi," you smile, plopping down onto the seat next to her. Bada sits next to you, effectively sandwiching you between the two women.

"Hey, guys," she greets, a twinkle in her eyes.

"Did we miss anything?" Bada asks.

"Just the boys getting their asses beat by the girls,” Hoyeon says, glancing at the time on her phone.

"Sounds about right," Bada chuckles.

"Hey! We're not that bad!" Minho says, mock-offended.

"Sure, Minho," Hoyeon says, smirking.

"I don't know. I'm not that great either," you admit.

"Really? Why?" Bada questions.

"I guess I'm just not competitive," you shrug.

"Well you’re gonna have to start getting competitive. I can’t let you be the one who lets the boys get a hold on us,” Bada proclaims, nudging you.

“Why not? We could have a tie, then. Wouldn’t that be nice, Minho? For the boys to not be so embarrassingly outplayed all the time?" you suggest, earning a glare from Minho.

"Oh, shut up," he mutters, causing the three of you to laugh.

"Anyway, y/n, if you’re really that bad, don’t worry about it. I’ll help you out,” Bada promises, placing a hand on your knee. You try not to react.

"Okay, cool, thank you.” You nod, trying not to react.

“No problem,” she says, planting a quick kiss on your cheek. You were going to die before tonight was over.

You glance at Hoyeon, who, upon seeing the exchange, smirks. “So, I'm guessing you two are getting along well?"

"Yeah," Bada grins. "I think so."

"That's good," Hoyeon smiles. "I'm glad."

"Thanks," you reply, avoiding her eyes. You haven’t told Hoyeon that you were faking things with Bada. After the pictures dropped, Hoyeon was one of the first people to text you about it, sending you a flurry of messages full of profanities for not having kept her updated. You’re not sure why you don’t want to tell her the truth. You know she’d be able to keep a secret.

But a part of you knows that you’re enjoying the pretending a bit too much. If you fess up, it would make the reality of the situation more apparent, and the thought of that is starting to disappoint you more than the idea of losing the prize, altogether. 

“Hey! There you two are,” Youngj shouts, breaking your train of thought. He makes his way toward you, followed by Redllic wearing a sour expression on her face.

Youngj stops in front of your group, placing his hands on his hips. "You're late," he pouts.

"Sorry, boss," Bada apologizes.

"It's okay. You're not the only ones," he says, sighing. “Are you guys gonna come play or what?”

"We're coming, we're coming," Bada replies, grabbing your hand and pulling you up.

“Eat em’ up, girls!” Hoyeon shouts with a whoop, followed by loud booing from Minho.

"Let's go," Bada smiles, squeezing your hand.

"Right," you reply, ignoring the racing of your heart.

Bada drops your hand, walking over to the rack and grabbing a bowling ball. She turns around, giving you a thumbs up and a cute smile. You roll your eyes and she laughs, turning back around.

As she steps forward to take her turn, you catch a whiff of her perfume. It's intoxicating.

The ball rolls down the lane and knocks down nine pins. You close your eyes, resisting the urge to shout. Why was this woman good at everything?

Bada throws the ball again, knocking the last pin over and finishing her frame with a strike. The crowd applauds, and she does a cute little curtsy, which you find unreasonably adorable.

You watch her, transfixed, as she approaches you.

"Good job," you say, a bit too enthusiastically.

"Thank you," she smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Now, it's your turn."

"Alright, alright," you say, making your way over to the ball rack.

You select a red ball, testing the weight. It's heavy, but not too much, and fits comfortably in your hands.

"Remember, use the guide, aim for the middle, and throw slowly," Bada calls, and you nod, not turning around.

You position the ball against your chest, lining up your feet. Then, in one swift motion, you push the ball forward and release it.

The ball lands directly in the gutter, rolling down and colliding with thin air. You groan, watching the screen count up the pins you hit, or lack thereof. Zero. 

"It's okay. Here, I'll show you," Bada says, placing her hands on your shoulders and guiding you over to the middle of the lane.

"First, you want to line up your feet." She says, standing behind you. "And then, you want to position your shoulders and the rest of your body."

You do as she instructs, attempting to focus on her directions.

"Then, the key is to relax and to keep your arm loose. If you tense up, your ball will go all over the place," she says, wrapping her hands around your bicep, massaging it a bit. "So, take a deep breath, and just throw the ball."

You breathe deeply, closing your eyes. You feel the weight of her arms leave your own, and then the weight of her hand on your back.

"Ready?" she whispers, and you nod.

"Okay," she says, patting you, signaling that she has moved.

You exhale, opening your eyes and swinging the ball forward.

You release the ball, and it glides down the lane, knocking eight pins down. You can hear the cheers, but the sound is muffled.

"You did it!" Bada exclaims, hugging you tightly from behind. You laugh, returning her embrace.

"You did most of the work," you say, grinning.

"You would have gotten it without me eventually.”

"Whatever you say," you say, not wanting to argue.

The rest of the night passes by quickly, with you and the girls absolutely destroying the guys, filled with laughter and smiles. By the end of the night, your stomach is sore and your cheeks are aching. When you’re not laughing with one of your coworkers, you’re with Bada, giggling at her jokes, listening to her stories, and being a part of her world. And in the moments when you think nobody is looking, she looks at you and smiles, her eyes soft and sparkling.

Toward the end of the night, you head to the bathroom, fixing your makeup and taking a few breaths. 

After you finish, you exit the restroom, walking over to the bar and ordering a glass of water. As you wait, you notice Bada talking to Redllic, their faces stern and serious. You can't hear what they're saying, but something about their expressions is making you nervous.

"Here's your water," the bartender says, handing you the cup.

"Thank you," you respond, accepting the drink. You take a sip, trying to act casual, but you're not fooling anyone. You knew Bada and Redllic had some kind of romantic history, but you weren’t sure how significant it was.

After a moment, Bada and Redllic separate, heading toward different ends of the bar. Bada makes her way over to you, her features still hardened.

"Are you okay?" you ask, concern filling your tone.

"Yes. I'm fine," she replies, her voice stiff.

"Do you want to talk about it?" you offer.

"Not now. Let’s just have fun, yeah?" she says, a forced smile appearing on her lips.

"Okay," you say, reaching over and squeezing her hand. She squeezes back.

"You know, you look nice tonight," she compliments.

"Thanks," you smile, blushing slightly. "You do, too."

"Thank you," she says, and a small grin replaces her false smile. "So, are you having fun?"

"Yeah, I am," you nod. "A lot of fun. It’s a good thing you dragged me out here, seriously. I’m actually good at bowling now.”

"I mean, you weren’t that bad of a student. It’s not like you needed much help. I’m almost wondering if you faked being bad," Bada teases.

"What?! Of course not. How could you think that?" you exclaim, feigning offense.

"Mhm, I don’t know, you seemed pretty excited when I came to help you out. I think I felt your heartbeat over there," she laughs, poking your arm.

Oh shit. You’ve been found out.

You cross your arms, stubborn and determined to get yourself out of this. "Well, was it necessary to get so handsy with it? Do you do that with all of your students?”

"Only the cute ones," Bada says, staring you down. 

Your heart races. This was escalating quickly. “Well, then, I guess I’ll consider myself lucky."

"You should," she says, a smirk appearing on her lips. “I could get much more handsy, if you wanted me to."

What the hell was going on? As much as you and Bada have casually flirted, it’s never gotten this bold. Whatever happened while you were in the bathroom must have seriously messed with her brain. Maybe she’s experiencing face blindness and thinks you’re someone else.

"Oh, how so?" you ask, playing along, testing the waters.

"I can show you," she says, placing a hand on the side of your face, brushing her thumb across your cheek. She moves her other hand onto your lower back, her grip light, yet firm. You shiver, leaning into her touch.

"What do you think?" she whispers.

"I think I'd like that very much," you admit, feeling her breath on your neck.

"Good," she murmurs, her eyes locking onto yours.

She closes the space between you, and her lips are on yours. She tastes like the fruity wine she had earlier and her chapstick.

You kiss her back, savoring the moment. Warmth and comfort is all around you, enveloping your senses. You pull away after a moment, catching your breath.

"What's wrong?" Bada asks, searching your face.

"Nothing. Everything's perfect," you say, kissing her again.

You don't care anymore. You just want her.

You move your hands, wrapping them around her neck and pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Her hands trail up and down your sides, sending goosebumps up and down your arms. She bites your lip gently, and you gasp, tugging on her hair.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, you separate. 

Bada exhales, fixing her bangs.

You stare ahead blankly, your mind fuzzy. But, through the haze, you feel a wave of euphoria rush over you, and you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from grinning. There was not a single part of you that would've guessed that you'd end up kissing Bada Lee upon joining Justjerk. Really, you were surprised she even gave you the time of day in the first place. You'd spent months trying to work up the courage to speak to her, and when the chance came, you almost choked and avoided her, too overwhelmed by the mere thought of speaking to her. But, as the old adage goes, life's full of surprises.

Bada twists her head to the side, staring at something, or someone with a furrowed brow.

"Hey, what's wrong?" you ask, placing a hand on her forearm.

"Oh, nothing. I was just looking out for Redllic," she replies, her frown melting into a small, apologetic smile.

The smile that you were trying to hold back disappears, replaced with a cold, hard pit of dread. "What about her?"

"She's over there," Bada nods, tilting her chin. You don't bother to turn to look. "You know that conversation you saw us have? She came up to me and accused us of pretending to get together for the money. Said there was no way we actually got together that fast. I, of course, denied it. Hopefully that kiss will shut her up."

"Oh. That makes sense. Sorry for not being more helpful," you apologize, your voice coming out hollow.

"Don't be," she says, her words rushed. "I didn't tell you about it because I didn't wanna worry you. But, we're in this together, right?"

"Yeah, definitely," you say, attempting to ignore the lump in your throat.

"That's good. Now, what were we talking about?" Bada asks, grinning.

Were you even talking about anything? You can't remember, too preoccupied with the dull feeling in the center of your chest. It's not like you were expecting Bada and you to be an actual couple. You were well aware that whatever relationship the two of you shared was just a facade. But hearing the reason why she kissed you was like a bucket of ice water poured over your head, reminding you of reality.

"I can't remember. Actually, I think I'm feeling a little sick," you lie.

"Oh, are you alright?" she asks, her voice laced with concern.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me. It’s probably something I ate. I'm just gonna head home, I think. You don't have to come with. I'll catch an Uber," you reply, forcing a weak smile.

"What? No, don't waste your money. I'll drive you home. Let me just grab my stuff," she offers, but you shake your head.

"It's really okay. I don't want you to miss out on fun with your friends," you insist, the ache in your throat growing. Why'd she have to be so nice?

"No, I insist. I'll drop you off and come back."

"Bada-"

"Y/N, please," she interrupts. "You're important to me. You're my friend. Helping you out isn't a big deal."

Her words simultaneously break your heart and fix it, and, finally, you give in.

"Fine," you sigh.

She grins. "Now, stay put," she commands, a stern expression replacing her worried one.

"Yes ma'am," you salute.

"Good girl," she teases, and you just stare, your face turning pink.

Bada walks off, and you stare into your glass, the ice having melted. After a moment, she returns, her jacket and backpack slung over her shoulder.

"Ready?" she asks, and you nod, following her out of the bar.

The night is cold and dark, and the stars are shining bright. The sound of the wind fills the air, and your footsteps seem loud, crunching against the ground.

You get to the parking lot and walk over to her car. Bada unlocks the doors, and you open the passenger door before she can do it for you, ignoring the frown on her face. You slide in, put your seatbelt on, and she turns the key, the engine roaring to life.

The ride home is filled with an awkward silence, neither of you sure of what to say. Finally, Bada clears her throat.

"Listen, y/n. Are you upset with me, or something? If I did or said anything to make you mad you, I'm sorry," she says, her voice tight.

"No, it's not that," you assure, and she relaxes a bit. "I'm just feeling sick. Like I said."

"Alright," she sighs.

You arrive at your house, and you unbuckle your seatbelt. "Thanks for the ride."

"Of course. I'm glad I could help. Goodnight," she says, and you nod.

"Night," you say, exiting the vehicle.

You head up the path, the wind causing your hair to fly in your face. As you are about to reach the front steps, Bada pulls her car back, reversing. She rolls the passenger window down, sticking her head out.

"Wait!" she shouts, and you freeze, your hand gripping the railing.

"What?" you call back, confused.

"I-uh...ugh," she exclaims, her forehead wrinkling. "I can't just leave you alone. Not when you're sick. Let me take care of you. Please."

You blink. You just could not get rid of this woman. "I'll be fine," you reply, shortly, turning toward your building again. 

"At least let me walk you inside. Then, I'll leave," she offers.

You groan, stopping in your tracks with your eyes closed in frustration. It was too cold for this. "Fine," you mutter.

"Great," she says, and the relief in her voice makes you feel guilty.

"But only for a few minutes. And only because I know how persistent you are."

"Thank you," she says, and the sincerity in her voice makes your chest tighten.

She turns her car off, grabs her backpack, and hops out of the vehicle. You lead her into the building, and the two of you make your way up the stairs, eventually arriving at your door.

You unlock it, and the two of you enter. Your apartment is dark and silent, and the sound of your breathing is loud.

"Well, here it is. It's not much, but it's home," you shrug, flipping the light switch on.

"It's cozy," she smiles, and you can't help but grin, too.

"Yeah. Um, would you like some water, or tea, or anything?"

"No, thank you. I'm okay," she replies, adjusting her backpack straps.

"Alright, then," you say, standing in the entryway.

The awkward silence returns, and the two of you stare at each other, neither knowing what to do. Finally, Bada steps forward, closing the space between the two of you.

"Are you sure you're okay? You seemed pretty distant toward the end of the night," she asks, her features soft.

"Yeah. Like I said, not feeling great. Must have been the food," you repeat yourself  robotically, not looking her in the eye.

She frowns. "I'm sorry."

"Why? It's not your fault," you shrug, avoiding her gaze.

"It is, though. Isn’t it? You're my friend, and I care about you. So, if something is bothering you, I want to know and work it out,” she pauses, a guilt-ridden expression overtaking her features. "If this is about the kiss...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Your stomach drops, and your eyes widen. "What? Why?"

"Because," she sighs, rubbing the back of her neck. "I took advantage of the situation. I should've just told Redllic to fuck off. Or maybe even asked you if you were comfortable with it beforehand."

"You didn't take advantage of me," you argue. 

"Still. It wasn't right. I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry," she repeats, looking at the ground.

"You don't need to be sorry," you insist.

"Really?"

"Yeah," you nod.

"Okay," she says, the crease between her eyebrows disappearing. "Well, then, I guess I should go."

"I guess so," you agree, not making a move.

She hesitates, staring at you. You stare back, your heart racing. She reaches out and takes your hand, giving it a squeeze.

"Goodnight," she whispers, her voice soft.

"Night," you reply, her touch burning your skin.

She releases your hand, turns around, and heads out, the door closing behind her. You watch her leave, your brain going a mile a minute.

You don't know what's wrong with you. It was just a stupid kiss. It meant nothing. But, despite all of that, the pit in your stomach won't go away, and the thought of her lips against yours replays in your mind.

Maybe you were wrong. Maybe it wasn't just a kiss. Maybe it meant everything.

Oh fuck it. Fuck it.

You open the door with a vigor that rivaled that of the Hulk's. "Bada," you call out, sprinting into the hallway.

A few steps down the hall, she freezes.

"What is it?" she asks, turning around, her eyebrows raised.

"Just-just, um," you stammer, your mouth dry. "Come back."

She stares for a second, then smirks. "Okay," she says, walking back with a pep in her step. 

Once she reaches the door, she enters, and the two of you stare at each other, unsure.

"What is it?" Bada asks, her face calm.

"I-uh," you start, then swallow.

Fuck. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't you just be honest with her?

"What?" Bada urges, the smirk returning. You look at the floor, the wall, anything. Finally, you take a deep breath, and look her in the eyes.

"I wanted to ask if...you could maybe stay a little longer," you murmur, your cheeks hot.

She raises an eyebrow, her expression a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

"You sure?"

"Yes," you respond, a little too quickly.

She grins, the smirk replaced with a genuine smile. "Then, I will."

"Okay," you breathe, letting the tension flow from your shoulders.

"So, what did you want to do?" she asks, staring at your lips.

"I don't know," you shrug, not taking your eyes off hers.

"Hmm," she hums, stepping closer.

"Uh, did you wanna, uh, watch TV, or something?" you offer, your voice quiet.

"No," she replies, shaking her head.

"What did you wanna do, then?" you ask, your heartbeat fast.

"Something else." She mutters, and without warning, her lips are on yours again.

She wraps her arms around you, and you immediately melt into her embrace, her scent clouding your senses. Like last time, you wrap your arms around her neck. Her tongue slips into your mouth, exploring, and her hands run down your sides, sending chills down your spine. You let out a moan, and she bites your lip, drawing another from you. 

Your hands tangle in her hair, and hers cup your ass, lifting you up. She carries you over to your bedroom, per your directions, and places you onto your bed gently. Her fingers graze your thigh, and goosebumps pop up all over your body. You pull away, and her eyes are dark.

"Do you want to do this?" she asks, her voice low.

"Yeah," you respond, and she grins.

She kisses you again, and her fingers inch upward, her hand sliding under the hem of your shirt. She traces your skin, leaving a trail of fire, and your breathing quickens.

"Can I take this off?" she asks, pulling at the bottom of your top.

"Yes," you say, lifting yourself off the bed slightly.

She slides your shirt up, and over your head, tossing it aside. She unhooks your bra and discards it, too.

Her eyes linger on your bare chest, and you watch her pupils dilate. You bite your lip, running your hands through her hair.

"Fuck," she growls, and she pushes you back down onto the mattress, her lips trailing from yours to your jaw, your collarbone, your neck, and finally, your chest.

She sucks and nips at the skin there, and you grip her hair tighter, eliciting a moan. She moves downward, kissing down your torso. When her lips reach the waistband of your jeans, she stops, glancing up at you.

"Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yes," you plead, and her mouth curls into a mischievous smirk.

"Okay," she says, and she undoes the button and zipper of your jeans.

She tugs them off and throws them aside, leaving you in just your underwear. Her eyes are on yours, and you're frozen.

"Please," you beg, and she lets out a deep chuckle.

"Begging already?"

"Shut up," you hiss, and she laughs, before her hands slip beneath the hem of your panties.

She pulls the material off, leaving you completely exposed.

"Fuck," she mutters, her eyes wide.

You squirm under her gaze, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "What?"

"You're so fucking sexy," she breathes, her eyes filled with lust.

"Really?"

"Of course. Do you even know what you're doing to me right now?"

"N-no," you mumble, averting your eyes.

"Look at me."

You obey, her usually warm puppy eyes now darkened into something wicked, capturing yours.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes," you breathe.

"Good. Now, lay down," she commands, her voice firm.

You comply, relaxing your body. She climbs on top of you, her hand resting on top of your thigh. 

"Do you still want to do this?"

"Yes," you affirm, nodding.

"Okay," she says, and then, her hand is between your legs.

Her fingers slide along your wetness, and your breathing quickens. Her eyes are fixed on yours, watching your reaction.

"Shit," you groan, as her finger presses against your clit.

"You like that?" she purrs, her lips ghosting across your skin.

"Mhmm," you moan, her finger circling the sensitive bud.

Her finger slips inside you, and you cry out, throwing your arms around her torso. She pumps slowly, and her thumb brushes against your clit.

"More," you pant, your body trembling.

"Of course," she hums, slipping a second digit into you.

"Ah," you moan, gripping her tightly.

She thrusts her fingers deeper, hitting that special spot within. You gasp, your back arching. You're so wet you can hear the squelch of her digits moving inside you, and you slam your eyes shut, overwhelmed. Her lips meet your neck, her teeth nipping at the sensitive flesh, and your moans are muffled.

"Bada, please," you whimper, her fingers curling against that spongey tissue, the sensation making your toes curl.

"Please what, baby?" she murmurs, her thumb rubbing against your clit, the friction making you shiver.

"Fuck, fuck, I'm close, please," you gasp, your walls tightening around her. "Make me come," you choke, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

"I will," she promises, and her fingers thrust harder, her thumb moving faster. You cry, the tension in your abdomen building.

"That's it, baby, come for me," she coaxes, and with one final brush against that sensitive spot, you shatter.

The orgasm rips through you, and you convulse, your vision blacking out. You gasp for air, trying to catch your breath. She watches you, a satisfied smile on her face as she caresses your sides with her other hand. 

"Did you enjoy that?"

"Yeah," you say, breathless. "But you didn't finish," you frown, your eyes trailing to her still-clothed form.

"Oh, I will," she says, a smirk reappearing. She rolls over, grabbing her backpack.

"What are you doing?" you ask, sitting up.

"I'm not done with you yet," she answers, her smile devilish. You watch, transfixed, as she pulls out a strap-on and a bottle of lube.

"Oh," you exhale, your core heating. This women was going to be the death of you.

"This okay?"

"The fact that you're casually carrying around a strap-on?"

She smiles, sheepishly. "I like to be prepared."

"But, yes, that is more than okay," you say, licking your lips.

"Great," she says, unbuckling her belt and shrugging her pants off, revealing black boxer briefs. She steps into the harness, pulling the straps tight. She squirts some lube onto her hand, reaching for the dildo, but you stop her.

"Wait-can I?"

"Go ahead," she nods, giving you a smile.

You kneel on the bed, facing her. You gather some lube onto your hand, then coat the silicone. Your hand runs along the length, and your eyes are fixated on the fake cock. It's large, and ribbed, and the mere sight of it makes your thighs squeeze together.

"Like what you see?"

"Yeah," you whisper, looking at her.

She grins, her hands tangling themselves into your hair, pulling you forward. Your lips crash into hers, and she pulls away, her hands tugging your head backward.

"How do you want to do this, pretty girl?"

"I-I don't know," you stammer, flustered.

She chuckles, releasing her hold on your hair. "Lay back down."

You follow her orders, laying back against the pillows.

"Spread your legs," she commands, her tone firm.

You do as she says, your pussy aching. She positions herself in front of you, and leans forward, her lips brushing against your ear.

"Ready?"

"Yes," you sigh, wrapping your arms around her again.

She guides the dildo into you, and the tip teases your entrance, the cool silicone sending shivers through you. She pushes into you, and you gasp, the ribbed surface scraping against your walls.

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah," you moan, squeezing her.

She hums and begins to thrust, hard, the silicone stretching you open.

"Fuck," you cry, digging your nails into her back. Her mouth reaches your neck, sucking, and biting, the sensations overwhelming.

She picks up the pace, your bed squeaking in response, and your hips buck, the pleasure building.

"Oh god, oh fuck," you whine, tears pooling in the corners of your eyes.

"So beautiful," she murmurs, her voice strained.

"Bada, please, faster," you beg, your muscles tensing up. 

"Fuck," she hisses, her pace quickening.

"Yes, yes," you pant, the coil in your stomach tightening.

"You gonna come, baby?"

"Yes, fuck, I'm so close," you moan, her words pushing you closer.

"That's it, come for me," she groans, her thrusts getting sloppier.

"Fuck, Bada," you whine, and you break, the orgasm consuming you. You scream as you ride the waves of ecstasy, her name tumbling from your lips. You cling to her, shaking, the intensity nearly blinding.

"Fuck," you whisper, the euphoria fading, and exhaustion taking over.

"That's it, good girl," she whispers, slowing her thrusts.

You let go, sinking into the bed, your mind hazy. She pulls out of you, and removes the strap-on, tossing it onto the floor. She lays down beside you, and you snuggle into her, your head resting on her chest.

"Fuck," you mutter, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"That was fun," she says, her tone teasing.

"Yeah," you sigh, nuzzling closer.

She strokes your hair, her fingers soothing.

"We should get some rest," she says, her voice low.

"Mhm," you hum, your eyes closing.

You feel her place a kiss on the top of your head, and a smile forms on your face. You drift off, a grin still on your face, and a certain someone's heartbeat the last thing you hear.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Bada was nowhere to be seen. After you woke up to an empty bed, you searched your house, convinced she was playing a prank on you. No trace of her, her clothes, her bag. You tried to call her, but her phone was turned off. It was as if she'd vanished into thin air.

And so, there you sat, in your apartment, where you slept with her, alone, wondering if you hallucinated the whole thing. Maybe, the stress of working at Justjerk, the pressure of living up to your expectations had finally gotten to you, and caused a nervous breakdown. But, no. She was there, she was real, and she'd given you the best night of your life. The best week of your life. So, where was she?

As the days dragged on, your heart grew heavy. Your calls went unanswered, texts left on read. You didn't even see her at work. The other teachers at Justjerk asked around about her, but the only answer everyone had was that she'd called in sick. You were worried, confused, and mostly hurt. What had happened? Did she regret it, and that was why she disappeared?

In addition to that, your deadline was approaching. People seemed convinced enough that you two were dating at this point, but it probably didn't look good to show up to the Valentine's Day party without your supposed girlfriend. 

You're sitting at home, silently wallowing next to Hoyeon, who is lying on your couch after coming over to your house to edit because of her noisy neighbors. While you're aimlessly shifting your oatmeal around in its bowl, you hear her slam her laptop shut with an exhale. 

"Y/n, is everything okay?" she asks, her tone concerned 

"Yeah, I'm fine," you say.

She shifts on the couch. "Really? Cause it doesn't seem like it."

"It's nothing," you shrug, pushing the bowl away.

"Come on, you can talk to me."

"I just-," you start, before pausing.

"Take your time," she says, her voice gentle.

"I think something's wrong with Bada," you say, quietly.

"Isn’t she sick?"

"I don’t know. I don’t think so. I actually haven't seen or heard from her since, uh, last week. And she won't answer my calls or texts."

"Huh, that's weird. Why?"

"I-I don't know. She just up and left. We had sex, and the next morning, she was gone. Like she'd never been there," you confess, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

"Hey," Hoyeon says, reaching over and rubbing your shoulder. 

"I'm sorry. I'm just-,"

"It's okay. You're allowed to feel this way. I mean, who does that to their girlfriend? That's horrible," Hoyeon huffs, a look of indignance crossing her features.

You cough. "We're not-we're not really dating. Well, I think we aren't," you admit. 

She stops her ministrations. "What do you mean?"

"We-uh, pretended to date. To win the contest."

She blinks, processing this in silence. Then, she lets out a loud guffaw, the force causing her to slip off the couch and land on the floor.

"What's so funny?" you ask in disbelief. 

"You-you are so ridiculous," she manages, her body shaking with laughter.

"Ridiculous? Why?"

"Do-do you not realize that the two of you have been pining over each other since the day you started at the studio?"

"Wh-what? No. We have not," you insist.

"Yes, you have," she giggles, wiping a tear from her eye.

"How could you tell?"

"It's so obvious! Listen, I don't know what kind of weird situationship you guys have gotten into but I don't think anyone is pretending to like anyone, here."

"But she left me!" you argue, exasperated.

"Maybe she was being stupid. Or embarrassed. Who knows? But, she definitely has a thing for you. She's been bothering the videographers forever asking for you. Were you the one who suggested you fake date?"

You blink. "No.”

She laughs again, picking herself up off the floor. "Exactly. Now, have you told her how you really feel?"

"What? No."

"Then, go do that! That's probably why she ran for the hills. Just go to her house and confess."

"I-okay. You're right," you say, standing up.

"Damn straight I'm right. Now, go get your woman," she grins, ushering you towards the door.

You give her a smile, and step outside, a new sense of confidence flowing through you. What were you so afraid of anyway? She wouldn't have done all that she did if she didn't care about you, right? You needed to find her, and tell her. Tell her everything.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

After driving to a random neighborhood and being hit with the realization that you had no idea where Bada lived, you receive a text from Hoyeon just in time with an address.

The sun was just beginning to set, and the sky was a beautiful gradient of blue, pink, and purple. You drive for a bit, eventually making your way to a more residential area, until you find yourself parked outside of an apartment complex.

You exit your car and make your way inside. When you arrive at her unit, the door opens before you can even knock.

"Oh, y/n, hi," Badi says, her voice raspy, her eyes wide. 

She looks unlike herself. Her hair is unkempt, her skin paler than usual. Her clothes are rumpled and her eyes are red, like she's been awake for days.

"Hi, are you okay?" you ask, worried.

"I've been better," she shrugs, looking away.

"Can I come in?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, sure."

She steps aside and you enter. The interior is what you'd expect from her; tidy, and simple.

"Are you hungry?" she offers, gesturing towards her kitchen.

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

"Okay."

You stand in the middle of her living room, the tension growing by the second.

"I've been trying to reach you," you start, tentatively.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, my phone's dead," she lies.

"Really? Because, the first few times I called, it rang," you say, crossing your arms.

She sighs, and walks over to the couch, flopping down. "I'm sorry," she mumbles, burying her face in her hands.

"Sorry? For what? Leaving me alone in bed, with no explanation, not answering my calls or texts for the past week, and lying to my face?"

"I didn't mean to-,"

"Why'd you run?"

"Because I was scared," she says, looking up.

"Of what?"

"This," she admits, gesturing between the two of you.

"You're not scared of anything," you scoff.

"I'm scared of you, y/n."

"Me? Why would you be scared of me?"

"Because I've liked you ever since the day you walked into the studio. I wasn't lying when I said I think you're amazing. And then I didn't want to ruin the friendship that we built."

"So, you pretend to be my girlfriend, sleep with me, and then leave without a word?"

"I'm sorry. I wasn’t initially planning on doing things this way. But you brought up the fake-dating and I thought maybe if we pretended, that'd be enough. It wasn't, and I let my feelings get  ahead of me. And, I'm sorry," she confesses, her gaze dropping.

You review that first meeting you had in the dance studio. For the first time, you realize that Bada actually didn’t suggest fake-dating you. You did. She just proposed that you approach things romantically, rather than platonically. Which could have easily been her attempt at asking you out. 

Whoops. 

You exhale slowly, sitting down next to her. "You know, it's funny. I was coming over here to tell you the same thing. You're really special to me. And, I didn't know how to express that for real. So, I thought, if I was in a fake relationship with you, then it would be easier to do that. Guess, I was wrong too," you say, smiling sadly.

"So, does that mean-,"

You roll your eyes. "Yes, Bada, I like you."

"Oh," she says, smiling, looking away again. 

You bite down on your lip. "So, what are we gonna do now?"

She fully turns toward you, a hopeful gleam in her eyes. "I guess, we can start over. If you want. Go on a real date?"

"Sure," you reply, a warmth blossoming in your chest.

"Cool," she says, her expression brightening.

"Cool," you echo, the two of you grinning, staring at each other like idiots.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Please," you whisper, and she leans forward, her lips capturing yours.  You close your eyes, sinking into her touch, the worries, and anxiety of the past week disappearing. Who would've thought that a silly team-building exercise within your company would have ended up leading to this? You almost wanted to ask Bada to pinch you, but, the feeling of her hands cupping your cheeks, and the taste of her mouth, was enough to reassure you that this was real-that the whole thing had been real the entire time. And now that you knew it was, you couldn't wait to explore it further, and discover more about the beautiful woman next to you, who has stolen your heart.

Or, maybe you should give that credit to Cupid. After all, the Cupid Project turned out to be way more successful than you, or Youngj, could've ever imagined.

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Not. 

"How did we lose?!" You nearly screech, watching Hoyeon and Howl stand in the middle of the room with a check in their hands. 

Bada stares at them with a frown. "I don't get it either. Isn't Hoyeon a lesbian?"

Youngj appears out of thin air, sliding into your line of sight. More accurately, it is his bright red fuzzy sweater with pink hearts that captures your eye. "Irrelevant to the contest. Remember, this project was not meant to encourage new workplace relationships."

"But—"

"Nope," he pops the 'p', "You two are very cute, but you lost because you two idiots were already in love with each other, and were just too stupid to admit it. You didn't even need to be a part of the cupid project."

You groan.

"On the bright side, we have free heart-shaped sugar cookies in the corner. Congratulations, Y/n and Bada, on a job well done. Please don't break up, because I do not want to deal with any workplace drama. Goodbye." He disappears again, leaving the two of you staring at the ground.

You guess you were gonna have to say goodbye to that camera, as well. 

Bada turns to you, offering a small smile. "Are you okay?"

You shrug. "It's alright. I didn't need the money anyway. I got something much better out of this whole thing."

She blushes, her cheeks matching the color of her plain red sweatshirt. "Ew."

"Oh shut up," you say, swatting her arm with a laugh.

She rubs her arm, her bottom lip jutting out.

You sigh, pulling her into a hug. She buries her face in your neck, humming. "Well, I guess I don't need to give you the gift I got you for today, then."

"Gift? Wait, what?" You say, shoving her away in shock.

She bursts into laughter, raising a bag that she's been holding silently behind her back. "Of course. I couldn't not get my girlfriend something for Valentine's Day. I've been hiding it the whole time. Here."

You grab the bag, opening it. You pull the gift out of the bag, and a soft gasp leaves your mouth. 

It's the camera.

[class1akids]

We're not mad because Izuku rejected Katsuki's offer per se...we're mad because of the WAY it was done. I never expected BKDK to be canon so this chapter doesn't bother me in a ship way...it just bothers me because it feels like everything we've known the past 430 chapters was thrown out the window. I was pretty neutral on 430, but 431 just sucked so much to me...and it's for all the characters! Everything that happened could have been fine if it was all done in a different way

Yes, I agree and I understand most of the points the bkdk fandom is making about Izuku, though if you read carefully Act 3, the rivalry aspect has been portrayed completely unilaterally for a long time (e.g. how Deku doesn't even respond to or acknowledge Bakugou in Ch 423)

I think the issue is that this is how Hori operates in general. He writes himself into a corner or makes bad writing decisions and when he gets criticism, he pivots very hard.

This reactive writing that was very visibly responding to fan critics was already happening in all of Act 3 and it shows a lack of planning and a lack of commitment to his ideas.

I can't interpret 431 in any other way than a point-by-point refutal of the (in parts justified) backlash against 430, which came from the way 430 was set up so lackluster and painted Deku in such a passive light when it came to his own future.

So Deku refusing the offer helped his character because Ch 430 set up the suit as a project led by Bakugou to "fix" Deku's sad, miserable life as a teacher, which was further tied to atonement-vibes by Ch 424 where Bakugou asked "what did I do to you?".

I think it's a culmination of writing decisions, where Horikoshi can't decide even what kind of answers he wants to give.

"Can I be a hero without a quirk?"

"340: everyone can be a hero in their own profession"

"424: you already are the greatest hero(es)"

"430: you can't be a pro hero, unless you have a multi-million dollar suit"

"431: teachers can be heroes too and in any case, heroes are obsolete"

It's like he's brainstorming ideas and then wants to include all of them which messes up his storytelling. For example, while he clearly went with "This is how we all became heroes", he also kept the "Wonder duo" element with 403-404 and then 424. But in 422, it's "We are here" - which for me made those bkdk highlights feel so dissonant at the time.

It's not a flaw limited to BKDK story elements - many characters and themes have been thrown under the bus for such sudden changes in the story where he responds to criticism in a panicky way, just trying to quickly put a band-aid on a not well-thought-through story decision and its long-term implications.

[mimi-is-so-horny]

okay, so... you know how sometimes a day starts lovely, and then it goes to shit? and sometimes, you feel like you've done this to yourself? actually, you have done it to yourself. anyway.

i made a point to wake up early today to make Sir and Anna breakfast and to write them a note thanking them for fucking me so well yesterday, and for being pretty much the best thing in my life right now. i felt very grateful and i know i'm very lucky. i think they appreciated that, too.

i blew the candles on my birthday cake naked on Sir's lap - i've been 25 for a couple of days, and i usually hate my birthdays, but Anna insisted we should do the whole birthday thing properly. Sir wrote me a birthday card that almost moved me to tears. He groped my tits as i blew my candles.

for context, i used to want to enter academia in combination to committing to a totally different career path. what i'm doing right now isn't even my Plan C, so of course, i feel a bit like a failure. i'd written a chapter in a book that discussed some recent developments in my field and placed them in a behavioural/institutional context - the book was published this year, and the complimentary copy they sent to authors arrived on my birthday. i should be happy, right? but i feel so defeated, and so dumb, and like this is the first and last good thing i got to do before giving up on my aspirations completely. sure, i'll still apply to enter a more commercial side of my field next year, but that's still just more "sustainable", financially, and more difficult than i thought it would be. all this effort for something i won't really value or enjoy, yuck. and what if i fail, again? anyway. Mimi's whiny ass.

so Sir asked me to read my chapter, and i said yes, sure. He wanted to "see how i think". why not, right?

He fucked me yesterday, and this morning, and at noon, and it felt so good. and now He came to my room, to tell me He read my chapter, and while i felt vulnerable i tried to look cool asking Him what He thought of it.

and He showered me in compliments, and asked me why am i here, and not at a Big Prestigious University™ doing research? i told Him that's why i tried, and the Big Prestigious University™ didn't do shit for Mimi in a post-covid job market where she had to care for her family and couldn't work Prestigious Unpaid Internships™. and still, with no network or real mentors that cared more about guiding me than fucking me, or plagiarising me (lol), my options narrowed. and He knew that, so why was He asking me? and then He asked more questions, and i got increasingly angry and i cried and told Him to leave my room, please. well, at least He did.

so now i have to go downstairs and apologise for lashing out at Him for essentially caring. that was just me projecting - how mad i am at myself for failing, and for giving up, and and for being too lazy to try again - on Him. but i also don't want to do that, because i can only taste how i'm not working in the city i want, and how the people i work for are surprised when i can introduce better corrections than them, and how i am a grown woman that is already bitter about not being where she wanted to be. how i pretend to have given up, when in reality i'm still kind of grieving the people i thought i could be, and realising it can always get worse. am i making myself into a victim: poor-me, poor-me? or am i entitled to my anger and sadness? i don't know, and Sir knows something sad happened to me without my consent, a long while ago - so what if He sees me as a victim, too? am i really that stupid and that passive? what if i'm wasting His time, too?

i don't think i use kink as a coping mechanism or as a distraction; i'm just happy it's an area of my life i'm currently getting exactly what i want, exactly in my own terms and limits - i've rarely gotten that much respect and reciprocity in "vanilla world" - be it work, or education, or friendships. but that fact also makes me sad. why can't i have some of the things i want, sometimes? why was it "Rejection Letter"+"Your Flatmate Lost Your Cat And Now Won't Help Or Speak To You"+"Your Supervisor Wants To Fuck You And He's Angry Now!"+"Your Family Is Asking For Money, Again!!!", and not, like, slightly better? it's hard to feel empowered now. that sad six-year-old is here again, and she wants good stuff i don't know how to give, because i'm out of fucking candy (or, y'know, drugs. because i don't do that shit anymore).

anyway, that will be a difficult conversation. and i feel sorry for Him, for having to deal with me.

well, that was a very self-centred ramble by a fairly self-centred person, so i'm sorry if you read this? but also it was your choice to do so, meh. drink water, wear sunscreen.

[cbedfordart]

First of all!! Holy guacamole the music for SWC is phenomenal!!! I have some of the songs on my gym playlist they’re perfect for when I workout!!

Secondiy, how long did it take you to make SWC? After playing it I started thinking about making my own game but was curious how the process went for a two person team like yours

Gosh I miss going to the gym ;;! But thank you! In terms of time, we start the project at the end of 2020, but most of the development was between 2022 and the 2024 release. We had full time work still while tinkering away in 2020 - but when we signed with the publisher which allowed us to work on it full time, we were able to expand what the game could be and really focus on it - it would have been a completely different experience had we stayed working with other jobs, that much I'm certain. The process was difficult, and I think especially trying to make something this size our first time around for a commercial project. We did do some game jams in 2021, but that's a different thing all together. They are fun and absolutely worth while to experience a bitesize version of how it feels to finish something, and it may also be a good indicator to see where you might struggle if things become stressful during production (do you try to work till 4 am? Do you avoid the project all together and abandon it? how would you handle people who suddenly can't commit to the project anymore? etc) It's hard work, like, this is the hardest I ever worked on anything in my life - and that's because I really cared about it! But there's so many interconnecting parts, there's so many opportunity for things to break, and when it's all said and done, you have to go through the meat grinder of seeing people struggle with what you've made, dislike parts of it, even if they love it overall that's still hard to see. When your game goes out there, people don't see the developer who's worked 60 work weeks and ate one meal a day in the last three weeks because they didn't have time to eat just to get it done. We are very grateful that people enjoy the game, and I really worry what my mental state would be if the game wasn't received how it has been. Make your own game, but do not make something the size of SWC lol. Not for your first time. And be very realistic about how long it will take, and be extremely realistic about how much work needs to be done. I could write an entire dissertation about what I've learned, what I'd do differently and the whole experience itself - but I can't do that here lol. There are more tools and resources to be able to just get up and make a game - I want you to read this and feel encouraged and feel a fire in your heart burn to make the thing you want to make, but I want you to know it is easy to burn yourself and you must take care of yourself, and you must look out for your health. After the release I was very much thinking "Could I do this again? I don't think I could ever do this again" But there's the drive to want to create and it is hard to extinguish. I hear a few seconds of the Space Channel 5 soundtrack and I'm ready to throw myself to the wolves of gamedev all over again. There are too many worlds in the mind that I must create so that others can occupy them! I must share these worlds, it would be selfish of me not to! So we must be sure to take care of ourselves. If you ever make that game, I wanna see it!!!!

[atravesty]

Career/Financial Advice From the Universe

If you're currently unfulfilled or experiencing conflicts in your career/projects, there may be some guidance meant for you below (please heart/share/follow if this resonated with you):

Pick a Crystal - 1. Rhodonite, 2. Pyrite, 3. Blue Calcite

Pile 1 - Rhodonite

Numbers: 1, 2, 5, 7, 11

Tarot: Fool Reversed, Strength, Knight of Pentacles Reversed, 3 of Pentacles Reversed

You may be having reservations about pursuing a brand new direction in your career path, due to fears of the unknown and uncertainty about what the future could hold. You are being guided to have faith in yourself and believe that your inner strength, wisdom, and talents are enough to overcome any obstacles you may face. You may be working within a team that is rife with conflict, lacking harmony, and unaligned with each others' visions. If so, you are being encouraged to walk away from this environment and pursue your projects by yourself. This is a time to be compassionate and be tactful instead of exerting force and escalating conflicts. You are being called to practice self-discipline and commit to developing a structure to achieve your own goals, while leaving room for flexibility and spontaneity.

Pile 2 - Pyrite

Numbers: 1, 4, 6, 8, 44

Tarot: Devil, Knight of Swords Reversed, 6 of Pentacles Reversed, Moon Reversed

You may be currently stuck in a negative cycle, perpetuated by temptations and unhealthy addictions. There is a strong energy of confusion and deceit here, indicating you may be missing the full picture or ignoring crucial information. You are being warned against acting impulsively; slow down and take stock of your priorities before you say "yes" to something that causes you to burn out entirely and leaves you with nothing left to give. Someone may be taking advantage of your charity (whether it be your energy, time, or financial support), or you may be the one that is incurring debt and biting off more than you can chew. You are being guided to clear up the confusion and see past the illusions by intuitively unpacking what may be repressed in your subconscious. This is not the time to be persuaded by others, listen to your own inner wisdom to build a solid foundation for your future.

Pile 3 - Blue Calcite

Numbers: 1, 2, 3, 4, 22

Tarot: 5 of Cups Reversed, 2 of Swords Reversed, Sun Reversed, 7 of Cups Reversed

You may be struggling to move on from a personal setback in your career, and feeling reluctant to admit this feeling of defeat to others. However, putting your pride aside and seeking support/insight from trusted people in your life can help shift your perspective and propel you forward from this stagnancy with new ideas. We are all deserving of help from our community. If you are feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place, and feeling as though you lack the information to take decisive action, you are being guided to look on the bright side and seek out the wisdom to be gained from negative situations/outcomes. Be wary of being overconfident with the abundance of alluring choices in front of you; reflect on what you truly want long-term and align with what is best for you individually.

[frazzledsoul]

The real generational parallel in Gilmore Girls no one wants to point out is that Rory is the new Christopher.

They both supposedly fucked around during their twenties, coasting on family money and the generosity of an old flame (Lorelai, Logan), working temporary jobs but never settling down to anything stable. Rory, like Christopher, claims she's got a gazillion "irons in the fire" but like Christopher, it's all illusory and not leading her anywhere. AYITL era Rory, like Christopher at 32 (when we meet him) prides herself on not being committed to anyone or anything: she's been on and off with Logan for years and seems to be involved in what the kids these days call a long term "situationship" that keeps either of them from fully moving on but also requires no real effort or commitment from her. She has no steady job, no home, no permanent income, slacks or gives up on most of her projects, mooches off of everyone she knows, and shows little desire to change these things. Everyone else in her age group (Logan, Jess, Paris, Lane, Dean) is either professionally or personally successful and has found their direction in life while she flies around in every single direction. Despite the cheating (if that's what it really is: the fact that he's so sloppy about it kind of implies he's got permission to fool around) Logan is fairly stable: yes, he ended up working for his dad but we actually see him working, he seems to get along with Mitchum and doesn't seem particularly unhappy about his lot in life. He also is fairly supportive of Rory and encouraged her to settle down and get a job: after all, that's what he did and his life's not so terrible. She seems to want to know nothing about him or his life. Look at it from Mitchum or Honor's perspective, if they knew all the details: exactly who is holding who back from realizing their potential? Heck, Mitchum pulls strings to get Rory that Conde Nast interview and she shows up expecting to be handed assignments and with no input or ideas of her own. Like Lorelai, Logan has a fairly nice life except for the unreliable old girlfriend who doesn't want to settle down and takes and takes but never gives back. And unlike the affair with Dean, Rory is aware of all the circumstances involved with Logan and chooses to keep fucking him anyway. She has not been lied to or misled in any way or promised a relationship that she wanted but he didn't, nor does she seem to want Logan around full time, either. She seems to like that nothing much is expected of her here and likely chooses to stay because of that.

What finally could hypothetically force Rory to choose a path in life, a home, a steady job? Oh, yeah. The unplanned pregnancy with the ex that she finally decides she doesn't want at all anymore. Jess may have helped provide her with a potential career path and be poised to be a larger part of her life in the future, but none of that is a guarantee and her overall circumstances haven't changed. However, now she's going to be forced to truly be responsible for the first time in a long time. Just like Dad.

[felassan]

BioWare Blog post: An Update on the State of BioWare

by BioWare - August 23, 2023

"Hello again, Today, rather than discuss one of our upcoming projects, I’d like to share an update about the studio itself and outline our vision for BioWare’s future. In order to meet the needs of our upcoming projects, continue to hold ourselves to the highest standard of quality, and ensure BioWare can continue to thrive in an industry that’s rapidly evolving, we must shift towards a more agile and more focused studio. It will allow our developers to iterate quickly, unlock more creativity, and form a clear vision of what we’re building before development ramps up. To achieve this, we find ourselves in a position where change is not only necessary, but unavoidable. As difficult as this is to say, rethinking our approach to development inevitably means reorganizing our team to match the studio’s changing needs.  As part of this transition, we are eliminating approximately 50 roles at BioWare. That is deeply painful and humbling to write. We are doing everything we can to ensure the process is handled with empathy, respect, and clear communication. With that last point in mind, I want to take a moment to explain how we got here, what we’re doing to support our colleagues, and what this means for BioWare’s current and future games. WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW After much consideration and careful planning, we have built a long-term vision that will preserve the health of the studio and better enable us to do what we do best: create exceptional story-driven single-player experiences filled with vast worlds and rich characters. This vision balances the current needs of the studio—namely, ensuring Dragon Age™: Dreadwolf is an outstanding game—with its future, including the success of the next Mass Effect™. We’ve chosen to act now in part to provide our impacted colleagues with as many internal opportunities as possible. These changes coincide with a significant number of roles that are currently open across EA’s other studios. Impacted employees will be provided with professional resources and assistance as they apply for these positions. While it’s unlikely that everyone will find a new role within the company, we are committed to supporting our staff as they navigate this change. Our sincere hope is that they can continue their exemplary work at studios who stand to benefit immensely from their talents. IMMEDIATE IMPACT If you’re wondering how all of this will impact development of Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, let me be clear that our dedication to the game has never wavered. Our commitment remains steadfast, and we all are working to make this game worthy of the Dragon Age name. We are confident that we’ll have the time needed to ensure Dreadwolf reaches its full potential. I can also tell you that every member of our team, even those departing BioWare, deserves credit for crafting a spectacular experience. These are our colleagues and friends, and we would not be here without them. I am so proud of all the work our team has done. WHAT COMES NEXT While this is an extremely difficult day for everyone at BioWare, we are making changes now to build a brighter future. We’re excited for all of you to see what we’ve been building with Dreadwolf. A core veteran team led by Mike Gamble continues their pre-production work on the next Mass Effect. Our commitment to quality continues to be our North Star. As cliche as this sounds, there truly is never a good time to enact changes like this, but we trust that we have the right leaders and team in place with vision, passion, and proven track records to deliver world-class Dragon Age and Mass Effect experiences that our fans will love. For now, I want to thank everyone at BioWare—past and present—for making the studio what it is. I also want to thank our community for your continued support. We’re eager to reveal more about Dreadwolf, and we look forward to discovering what else the future holds. Gary McKay General Manager, BioWare"

[source]

[marbleboa]

Hiii sorry but lately I've been hyperfixated on the 7th division and Takeuchi ended up being my fav... And I saw your art of him and I loved it, I wanted to know if you had any headcanons about him ;3

Absolutely delighted to see a Takeuchi guy here, take my hand op. I do indeed have Many Thoughts, a lot of these more character musings than straightforward headcanons but! I hope these rambles interest you!

-I made this post a bit ago talking about how his whole Battle Mode deal changes his body, and further building on that— I imagine the frequent use of this has taken its toll, similar to Shibata: issues with his back, joints, etc. Projecting my TMJ on him as well, though I think all of this does ease somewhat as he uses his powers less and starts taking better care of himself.

-The power of his energy blasts is somewhat dampened by comparatively long charge up times and the way he always announces his attacks to enemies. He’s very particular about making sure all of his battle moves have impressive names—often several-words long.

-He and Mob are on a similar wavelength to me. Something something Ishiguro talking about how hard to read Takeuchi is, the way he skirts on the edge of the rest of the Scars’ circle, the way his powers seemed to be the only part of him valued by others…it’s like a different, lonelier path Mob could’ve gone on. I think he has similar difficulties figuring out what he wants from his future, like we see from Mob at the start of season 3.

-I think he’s close with Tsuchiya. Granted this is an anime only thing, but I really liked the detail where when Tsuchiya tackles Shimazaki off a building she calls out for Takeuchi by name and he immediately moves to help. It feels like a maneuver they’ve done before, like they know each other well enough to know what the other needs in a fight. It makes sense that they’d train together with both their powers being classified as qigong too.

-Post-Claw I feel like a few of the Scars go through this phase but Takeuchi especially, he gets in this mindset of like. I must now use my powers against Evil™️ so I can make up for what I’ve done. Because…fighting with powers, black/white ideologies, that’s a lot more familiar to the Scars than writing resumes or apartment-hunting or dealing with other people. Once Claw falls he does this vigilante stuff aimlessly for a while(maybe even runs into Teru again doing the same thing, haha).

-Following from that, I think eventually he gets back in touch with Tsuchiya and stays with her and Mukai for a while as he figures out what he wants to do. (I’m. Not quite sure what that is myself. I’m working on it)

-After Claw, he, Muraki and Sakurai have a book club every other Saturday. Takeuchi enjoys mystery novels.

-There’s more I’d like to research on the particulars re: ethnicities especially so I can improve on how I draw his features, but thus far I’ve been imagining at least part of his ancestry being somewhere from southern India.

-I’ve dabbled with the idea that his name is actually a tsūshōmei, or legal alias, something long-term residents of Japan from other countries can get for various reasons. One thought I had was that Toichiro picked him up in his global search for espers, and he was given another name by Claw to cover up any connection to his family. Or, someone in his family made that change after they started living in Japan, and he was born there under that name. Not sure if I’ll commit to this though, more to look into there too.

-I definitely think he was kidnapped by the organization some way or another— his powers were likely very strong at a young age so they probably got to him under the guise of mentorship. I’d like to think he eventually tries to get back in touch with his family once Claw’s gone.

-Really likes birds. He and Muraki are in close competition for Pigeons of Seasoning City’s Favorite

-He’s ambidextrous!

[xinrouska]

Villain Leo Animatic - Breakdown

⚠️TW: Violence, Blood, Guns, Themes of suicide, Attempted murder

The animatic takes place over a few years, starting from when Leo reveals himself to his brothers again after a 3 year absence (23 years old). It focuses on the tension between Leo and Donnie as time goes on, Leo’s resolve crumbling while Donnie slowly loses himself as well. In other words, who’s really the villain? This is going to be very long, let’s get 🔪started🔪

The Coin

Sue me if it wasn’t obvious, I will not figure out how to animate a coin flipping. But the circle motif shows throughout the video because they’re twins, two sides of the same coin. What happens to one, will happen to the other.

The Pupils

The pupils were a signifier of their current moral standing. White for “villain” and black for “hero”. It could also be seen as insanity vs. sanity. You’ll notice that by the end of it, Leo and Donnie have switched but I also want to point out where and why:

Donnie

After Leo left, Donnie spent all his energy going into finding him. He’s worried, he cares, he wants his brother back regardless if Leo has committed murder. He couldn’t find him, and it’s here that Leo reveals he’s been working with Kendra for all tech related support.

Donnie and Kendra’s relationship at this point is more of a rivalry. They have a respect for each other and as much as Donnie hates to admit it, he looks forward to seeing the inventive ways Kendra can get in his way. She’s been a constant in his life since a teenager. However, she’s been a constant “enemy”.

Donnie sees this as the biggest betrayal against him. His own brother willingly teaming up with his rival like that. Leo’s supposed to be on his side, and this is so uncharacteristic to Donnie that it’s at this moment he realizes he doesn’t Know Leo anymore. This is where he loses hope on bringing Leo back because the Leo he knew doesn’t exist.

Leo

The animatic takes place over a few years, roughly three. We haven’t publicly explored what’s going in these years but a quick summary of it is that Leo has been spiraling further and further since the start. Since the Kraang invasion actually. His goal has always been to protect his brothers, it’s simply that his method of it became extreme, he became obsessed with it.

At this point, it’s near the end. He’s tired, he’s been questioning his motives, he doesn’t know if it’s all worth it, in comparison to his desire to just be with his family again. He fights with Donnie and he’ll never use lethal force against him, but that’s not the case with Donnie. Donnie is doing everything in his power to kill Leo and when Leo realizes this, his first thought is “what has my brother turned into?”. It’s sobering, reality crushing, when he realizes his own twin desperately wants him dead. He gives up.

First Chorus

I wanted a moment that showcases a bit of Leo’s skills and personality. He’s clever, strategic, manipulative, and his strongest weapons are his words. He knows this. He’s a good actor and he’s a performer, all to show that that’s the villain aspect of him that he’s struggling with. It taunts him. Still, he believes the best way to protect his family is to eliminate all threats possible.

Donnie’s progression are the stages of grief he’s going through realizing his brother is “dead”. He watches recordings of their past to figure out where things went wrong, but also to grieve.

Time is a bit vague here and there’s quite a bit that isn’t shown here actually. Leo has cut ties with Kendra (that’s a whole separate thing and the result is that Donnie hates Leo even more). Donnie watches Leo through the cameras throughout the city. Leo knows he’s being watched, it’s bittersweet, he’s already having doubts during this time. Donnie, during this time, has decided to transform the Genius Built company and turn it into tech powerhouse. It used to be a side project, but now he’s utilizing it to take over power on topside in terms of technology and economy. This is a parallel to how by this time, Leo has near full power and control in the undercity crime rings.

The Bridge

Leo questions everything he’s doing as the past taunts him of how things used to be, of how things Should be. Also dives into his reason for all of it. The Kraang hurt the people he loves the most, as if they were worthless.

On Donnie’s side, he’s more and more determined to take Leo down with his own hands. That is his sole goal. Everything he is doing and creating is for that purpose. But his inner child, a part of him that wishes for things to just be ok again, is desperate for him to stop, to question things and think. Also he’s CEO of GB at this point. Pretty straightforward with the Leo is the person he hates the most but was once his beloved brother.

The Fight

Donnie using lethal force to do everything in his power to kill Leo. Leo is more skilled than Donnie is, he has more experience killing but he absolutely will not kill his brothers, that goes against everything he’s working for. Because of that, Leo is destined to lose this fight. He also loses his will to fight after seeing how much Donnie needs to kill him. While Raph was the first trigger of starting all of this, Donnie is the second trigger of making him give up.

Donnie won because Leo still loved him dearly.

“I’m glad it was you.”

Of all the people to kill him, he’s genuinely glad it’s Donnie who’ll do it.

On the other hand, Donnie recognizes the resignation in Leo’s eyes, but after the last few years, he can’t help but wonder if it’s another trick. He feels Leo’s ninpo, and he hasn’t felt it in a very long time. It’s nostalgic, it’s comforting, but he’s already come too far. “I must kill Leo” has cemented into his mind as a fact.

Parallels

I included these parallels because I wanna highlight that they’re “two sides of the same coin”. They’re twins and their fate are closely tied together. Leo will kill anyone to protect his family. Donnie will kill Leo to protect everyone, including his family.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! The story doesn’t end, Leo doesn’t die here, I should clarify that LOL. There’s a lot more of the story to cover but I’m glad I was finally able to show this aspect of the au. If you have any questions, feel free to message me (xinrouska) or starrcrossrose on twitter, instagram, or tumblr!

[originalleftist]

For some happier news, today has been a truly glorious day to be a Star Trek Fan (spoilers)!

First, we have the long-awaited trailer for the final season of Lower Decks, along with a premier date of October 24th!

More Jennifer? Yay!

Jennifer and Mariner having adventures together! YAY!

Ma'ah and an Enterprise decontamination chamber gag? Predictable, but fun!

Moopsy cameo!

Alternate universe episode?

This looks so fun!

And repeated hints that this isn't the end for these characters' stories- I really hope they're not just teasing us here!

Then, there's the trailer for Section 31:

I'll admit, this one doesn't look like quite as much my thing, superficially "darker and edgier" than I like my Star Trek, but paired with a rather MCU-style comedic tone which... can work, but is a tough balancing act to pull off.

That said, Michelle Yeoh is an acclaimed actor- in fact, unless I'm mistaken, this will be the first time a Star Trek project is starring an Academy Award winner! Also, I appreciate that the franchise is branching out and exploring new tones, new premises, and new settings within the Star Trek universe. And speaking of which...

The first-ever live-action Star Trek comedy has been announced.

It will be co-written by Justin Simien and Lower Decks star Tawny Newsome (who is also a writer on the upcoming Starfleet Academy series), along with Kurtzman. Notably, it will NOT be set on a Starfleet ship or station or following a Starfleet crew, but "will follow a cast of Federation outsiders, serving customers on a resort world, who discover that their daily exploits are actually being recorded and broadcast to the entire quadrant."

This might sound like a strange departure to a lot of people, and I'm sure Starfleet will get involved as the show progresses, but honestly I'm kind of thrilled by this. Its exploring parts of the Star Trek universe we haven't seen before (the time period will also make it likely our first real look at the post-Picard era), the resort premise fits well for a comedic/sit-com type show, the secret broadcast gives it a suitable sci-fi twist with potential for social commentary, and the premise will also be well-suited to lots of guest appearances by other Trek characters.

Given the comedic tone, time period, and Newsome's involvement, I think appearances by Lower Decks characters are very likely, and if so this may be the closest thing to a follow up to Lower Decks that we get, at least in the short term.

And all of that is more than enough to be thrilled by, but there's at least one more new project to look forward to, and that's the limited time crossover event between the Lower Decks and Doctor Who mobile games!

Seeing Mariner and the Doctor in the same shot fulfills a need I didn't know I had. And makes me REALLY wish Tawny Newsome could guest star on Doctor Who.

So, there you have it. I honestly don't know what more to say except that any doubts I might have had about the future of Star Trek, or Paramount's commitment to continuing the franchise, are resolved. I still want a Legacy series with Jeri Ryan as Captain Seven, but honestly it's hard to think of a better time to be a Star Trek fan, certainly since the 90s.

Star Trek is boldly going where it has not gone before!

[gingerylangylang1979]

If he gets his shit together Carmy could be an amazing husband and father

Currently, Carmy is a hot mess. But I really hope the show doesn’t intend for that to be his end game. Yes, he will always struggle with mental health issues. People aren’t cured of them, it’s a matter of managing life with them. If only mentally healthy people had spouses and children most of us wouldn’t be here and the world would be a lonely place. Unless someone is a danger to themselves and others I hate it when I hear people trying to dictate who should reproduce and who shouldn’t. I don’t even want to get into the mildly hinting at eugenicist implications of such statements.

Carmy has a way to go. Some may say he shouldn’t have had a romantic relationship. Looking back I actually think it was good that he at least tried. At the moment he thinks it was a mistake and he shouldn’t try again. But that will change as he progresses. It was a learning experience. It showed that he is capable of giving his heart, caring for a partner, being romantic, letting loose, being domestic. It also shows that there is a part of him that is unfulfilled without a relationship. It was just bad timing with the wrong person. 

Beyond that I think part of Carmy’s character is a sense of respect and care for women. He speaks up when Richie harasses Sydney and when the guys were being vulgar about Claire at Christmas. He hasn’t really had a role model for chivalry and feminism but he has those values and isn’t afraid of being called “weird”. He doesn’t seem to care about fitting into the Berzatto male paradigm. He actively tries to escape it when it comes to worldview. This is why Richie calls him “woke”. Richie is built different. Mikey is built different. 

Carmy is a product of the best traits of his generation and exposure to different lifestyles. He’s traveled. He’s worked with women as his superiors and equals. He’s not afraid to bring Sydney on as his CDC, Tina on as her Sous, and Natalie as project manager. He has anger issues that are often directed at Sydney but it’s not because she’s a woman. We never see him try to dominate in his relationship with Claire. He also isn’t intimidated that Claire has post-graduate education and may have more long term earning potential than him unless he really becomes a culinary mogul. 

Carmy has paternal instincts. At the kid’s birthday party he knew they would want ketchup, he made the ecto-cooler, he was more concerned than anyone else about them being sedated. He made Tiff probably the best Sprite on the planet. I’m sure when Nat’s baby arrives he will be smitten, even if a fish out of water. I’m curious if he has interacted with Ava. 

With the staff he is nurturing when opportunities arise. He sold off some of his prized denim to keep the place afloat. He still makes the beef even if it’s the wrong cut. He continues service after the toilet explodes because they have to keep it movin. He consoles Marcus when he fucked up service. He also warns him to stay on track but didn’t hold it against him when he actually did go off point. He bails Richie out with their parachute. He sends Marcus to Copenhagen, Tina and Ebra to culinary school, Richie to Chef Terry. He gives Sydney the space to experiment and fail. He keeps everyone on and paid. He fucks up big time and becomes unhinged but he earnestly apologizes. He’s trying. He cares. He knows he needs work. He wants to provide in the best way he’s able at the moment. 

So with time, patience, and consistency, perhaps years from now I can really see him being a great partner and father. Carmy is a survivor. He doesn’t give up, he’s gonna make shit happen, he’s good at pivoting, he stays committed. Please let him have a wife and kid(s) someday if he desires. Thinking he should be alone forever is deeply pessimistic. 

Adding: Carmy is also very attentive. His radar goes off immediately when Sydney is upset. He tries to fix it. He’s struggling now but he wants to put in the work and won’t leave things with them at odds. He’s not too proud to apologize.