#w: pointed views

[highoctanegem]

Pointed views || Jade & Van

TIMING: Before Cass went to the farm upstate LOCATION: Sly Slice PARTIES: @vanoincidence & @highoctanegem SUMMARY: A mix-up in schedules forces Jade and Van into the same room for the first time since their fallout. CONTENT WARNING: Gun use tw, only in reference to past threads.

Another day, another shift. Jade took off her helmet and climbed off Roxie as usual, staring at the sign in front of her for a moment: Sly Slice. The gig was still fun, don’t get her wrong. But there was an obvious Van shaped hole in her life that made everything a little suckier. Like, since their fallout, Jade was finally able to notice just how greasy the walls were, or how faded some of the posters looked and… again, it was a stable gig, she wouldn’t just bounce when she had to provide for her babies and spoil her lady, but… it was different. It was worse. Van had been the reason she showed up to the shop with a huge smile every day. And Van wasn’t there anymore. Jade swapped every shift she had to give the girl her space. 

Or she thought she did, at least. Jade’s saunter came to a halt when she entered the place and spotted the cashier for the night. It was definitely not the guy who worked at Sly Slice to pay for magic school (?). Nope. Van’s gaze locked with hers before she could sneak out and pretend she had the wrong schedule or she broke a nail or whatever lie would’ve worked for Rocky. (When she batted her eyelashes, most lies did). 

And well, shoot. What was she gonna do? Jade approached with caution, remembering to run a hand through her hair to fix the helmet head. Van was right there, behind the counter. Jade had heard bits from the girl since that day in the cabin. From Nora and Thea and even Regan. Jade knew she was alive, but like… staring at her was like, so real. Her body buzzed with energy she hadn’t felt in a while. Happiness, lowkey. (And actually, had Van shrunk? She was so much smaller than she remembered). 

A billion sentences rushed to her head. ‘How are you?’ was the first, but also things like, ‘who’s taking you home at night?’ And ‘why did Wynne say you were attacked by a vampire?’ More importantly, ‘can you give me a second chance to explain? I’m not actively bleeding out this time’ also popped in. Instead, what she said was, “Wait. It’s Wednesday, isn’t it? It’s my day,” cause that was easy. That was like, just facts. No feelings involved. And well, both she and Van were so good at deflecting weren’t they? They hadn’t been sisters for nothing. 

—

Van knew that this day would come. That switching out shifts and skirting around Sly Slice would evidently land her right in front of Jade. She hadn’t expected it to be so soon, or when it was literally just the two of them. The cook was in the back, probably on the phone with his boyfriend. Which was fine, it was slow. It always got like this after college let out for the summer. There were a few stragglers, but for the most part the hours passed by slowly leaving much to be desired. It was when Van surpassed most people in Candy Crush. 

Her phone blinked an array of different light up at her as she locked eyes with Jade. Her stomach bubbled, anxiety edged with iron coating her tongue. She could pretend, couldn’t she? To not be bothered? To… 

“Uh…” Van looked down at her phone, swiping to the side. It was Wednesday. “I had to pick up Spencer’s shift.” That was easy enough, wasn’t it? “Something about some magic thing he had to do.” Yeah, easy. No lies. She had tried to argue with him, but he assured her that Jade wouldn’t be in. That had obviously been a lie. Maybe he saw what was happening and wanted to try and stop it? Or maybe he hated Van and wanted her to suffer. Or maybe it was Jade he hated. Regardless, the magic he spoke of wasn’t the real thing, but she wasn’t going to take the wind out of his sails, especially not when she had only finally accepted the fact that she had it running through her veins. 

“It’s fine.” It wasn’t. Not at all. Van didn’t want to be around Jade, even now. She remembered what the older woman looked like covered in her own blood, and possibly the blood of somebody else(?) She remembered the look on her face, the defiance for any other logical reason why she shouldn’t be killing people. And yet… 

Van looked back down at her phone, hyper aware of the way that Jade’s eyes lingered on her. She could do this. She could focus on Candy Crush, and maybe she’d restart She-Ra for the fiftieth time. She could ignore her. This would be fine, it would be easy. 

—

Spencer performed a disappearing act, or something. Go figure. Finally a trick worked for him, cause Jade was like, so over choosing cards and then lying when he showed her the wrong one just to be encouraging. (It’s how it worked, right?) (Cause it had to suck, being bad at the thing you wanted to be good at). Jade let out a knowing hum, hoping that whatever he was up was actually making him a better magician. “Mm, he asked me about rabbits the other day” she wiped the half grin creeping on her lips before continuing, “animals. For… cause tricks, ya know?” she pulled something out of an invisible hat to make the point.  

Van said it was fine. What was fine, actually? Not a lot felt fine. Regan felt fine, more than fine even. Like the wet bog of wonderful among a desert of definitely not fine. But Jade couldn’t always stay in the bog (she’d tried) (capitalism was stopping her). Right now she was definitely in the not fine lands. It was territory that got harder to trudge with every passing day. And like, she was stubborn enough to think she could get through it on her own and come up on the other side, but the vibes were more along the lines of, being waist-deep in some kinda murky swamp that would soon be impossible to wade. (Her head was coming up with a super interesting place. Deserts, swamps. She hoped there was a Jollibee somewhere). Weird tangent, anyway... Van said it was fine. Existing in the same space. It was like, a start at least. And oh, okay, girly was back looking at her phone (pft, young people, always…). 

Jade was curious if she was playing one of her games or if she was texting someone to come and bail her out. The nostalgia wave hit her hard, getting some serious flashbacks to the first time they met. Before she knew Van would like, become such an integral part of her life in town. She should’ve kept it light and breezy, shouldn’t she? She shouldn’t have tried so hard to find a place to fit. Cause duty would always come knocking to drive a wedge between her and… life. But… Right, they were here to work not… yap. Except, they used to always chat at work cause it made it fun, and there was always stuff to gossip about. 

Jade glanced at Van one more time before nodding to herself. (She had suddenly gained sympathy for Ruby and Amber, for some strange reason). She would be professional. She would! She walked past the counter, intent on heading to the small locker room and also just… disappear from Van’s life, but she didn’t make it to the door before she turned around again. She could tell it was a super slow night. There was nothing on the counter for her to dash out of the shop yet. Jade wanted Van to hear her out, needed her to know she still cared. If Van didn’t reply, welp. That was so chill. Silence treatment? She had the world champions at home, it didn’t even faze her. But there was something weighing in her chest. Like, actually important stuff. So instead of a one way convo, or a meaningful speech like she should’ve wanted, she went off the script. “I heard... You were attacked by a vampire?” her gaze examined Van’s body for any signs of a bite on her neck or her ams but… nothing she could spot immediately. “Did it hurt you?”   

—

“Okay.” Van wasn’t sure why Jade was still talking to her. Hadn’t she made it obvious by the stretches of silence? In the way that she’d done everything in her power to avoid her? It had been… not quite a month yet, but almost, maybe. Maybe it had been a month– Van had lost count of the days, had been too wrapped up in her own miseries, in trying to lead Cass from the ledge she balanced on. She was trying to help Nora, too. She couldn’t continue to tell Jade why she was wrong, only to be met with but this is my job. Van tapped around on her phone, not really paying attention to the shapes she was trying to match. She missed what could’ve been bonus points, and while she normally would’ve been upset by it, she brushed it off. 

Jade moved towards the back room, and Van felt a pang of relief. Relief, because maybe Jade would stay there. Maybe Jade would send her hearts in Candy Crush to try and communicate, but Van would still ignore them. Every single one that Jade sent had gone ungathered, because if she accepted them, then that meant she forgave her. 

The silence, however, was interrupted by Jade’s voice. A weighted question. How Van answered it would mean something and she knew it. She looked over at Jade with a blank stare, lips turned down into a tight frown. “It made me eat dirt. Not sure that counts as hurting me.” Van wasn’t sure how the different versions of vampires worked. If the same kind of creature had made the person under the leathery skin also eat dirt, if it had made it become that. Van should have been angry at that, should have been glad it was dead, but it wasn’t that simple. Of course she was glad she hadn’t turned into that thing, but not all undead were like that. There were people like her, like Jade– and the girl ahead of her had said so, had confirmed it. 

“It was fine. It turned out fine. Opened a portal, just like with the banshees.” She put her phone down, but didn’t let it go. She turned it over and over in her hand for something to occupy her, for something to focus on. “Why? You want to kill it or something? I’m pretty sure I already did that. You’ve gotta be proud, right? Following in your footsteps and all that.” The words came out before she could stop them. She was harsher than she meant to be, and so she looked down at her hands, tongue pressed into her cheek. 

—

“Yup,  that definitely qualifies as hurt, it sounds like the type of thing a school bully would do,” Jade gave Van a pointed look, cause why was she acting like it didn’t hurt to be humiliated like that? It was super weird. Maybe she was like, trying to downplay the whole experience, cause Van did that sometimes when she didn’t know how to react. Or she was still in a bit of shock about it like Erin had been. All that mattered was that she hadn’t been bit or anything too violent, and the dread she’d been feeling since she learned about it could finally stop making her belly queasy.   

Van had been saved by another portal. A small, proud smile reached her lips at that. She was getting better at her magic thingy (learn something, Spencer). She was using it for good, she was the reason Wynne was safe too, then. But whatever positive feeling bubbled inside her chest burst the second Van questioned her intentions. The tone stung, but again, she’d heard some variation of it before in other people. Why did she ask? Cause she cared about Van, was there supposed to be any other reason? Well, the way Van saw it, there was totally something hidden. She wasn’t deterred by a little dose of antagonizing. That was kinda her thing too, wasn’t it? “Oh, not really, nope. That’s not your burden to carry. You should be out there skating and having dates with Thea, and photoshopping people into worms, and playing all those games on your phone so maybe one day overtake me at Candy Crush. Not… dealing with bloodthirst creatures.” Van, like Siobhan, seemed to think murder was for funsies, apparently? Or that she did it for funsies. How badly did she fumble that conversation in the cabin? (Could anyone roll the tape?) Even Wynne, who had like, personal stakes (poor wording, whoops) in this had given her more grace. “I’m sorry you had to open a portal again, but I’m glad you and Wynne are safe, okay?” 

Being stuck between trying to defend herself and thinking there was no need to do so, made anger simmer in her chest. (Cause who cared what other people thought if…um, when she was right?) She counted to five, trying to keep it chill. If it worked with Wynne, it would work with Van, obviously. “I asked cause Wynne said you were attacked, cause I care about you, not…” And actually, forget about it. She kept her voice low, but her tone matched Van’s harshness. “But I would go after whatever hurt you, wouldn’t you, for a friend?” For Nora? For Thea? For Cass? For Wynne? Maybe Van was different though, maybe Van was more of a hippie than she initially thought. And that was nice, to be fair, that she could be the bigger person despite her height. That she could let things go and not react. But she would get her hands dirty if it kept the people she cared for safe. 

Jade thought of her conversation with Wynne. How much she had reread the script afterward. And okay, alright, she didn’t want to sound like that again, even if she felt the presence of her siblings looming behind her, asking her to stick to it. It felt like Jasper, by the way her head was snapped back to the pages with a little more violence than usual. Still, she did not read. She could be stubborn in both ways too, you know? (And that was totally gonna be a problem for all involved). This was the consequence of her own actions in a way, wasn’t it? When had she ever shown Van any other side of her than the fun older sister and gay guru? And so Van had been trying to grapple with a plot twist that had come out of nowhere and butchered her character in the process. She got it, okay? Van had zero of the lore. Also as a side note, she was also super glad there was no food on the counter for Van to throw at her if things got tense(r). The strawberry scent still lingered in that one shirt Wynne ruined. (Or maybe that was just the stench of doubt and failure).

Van was looking down at her hands, and Jade was actually glad. Cause she didn’t want the girl to see the conflict brewing behind her eyes, or the guilt deepening the lines on her face. She still wanted to be remembered as fun and easygoing, not broken or cruel. “I get the vibe… You don’t like what I have to do.” That was a contender for understatement of the year right there! She looked down too. There was no script in front of her. (And she didn’t know if it was relief or fear swirling in her chest). “I’m trying to… I’m trying to find a way.” Any time she tried to figure it out, she came up empty. She didn’t like Wynne’s way (it wasn’t technically their way, just named after them). Playing judge, assigning undead into nice and naughty lists. Putting all the flaws of human judgment on display. She didn’t like the idea of quitting cold turkey either. Never. She would… she could never. Not when human lives were in danger. The Bloodworth’s way still held most of the appeal, but she was beating on a dead horse by pretending it was working out for her. So what then? What was Van’s way? All Jade wanted was to be good. (But what kinda good was that?) 

She stared at her boots. Fixing on the blade she had strapped to the side of her leg. “I’m trying to find a way but… it feels like I’m leaving humans to die… or— or I’m condemning them to turn into the monsters that attacked you cause… And see! Vampires will attack, zombies will go feral, it’s… ” Van got along with Emilio, so there had to be some kinda wiggle room, right? Some version of her duty where she got to keep the people she loved in her life. Could she want that? 

Of course, the mention of love brought Regan to her mind, but specifically her reaction when Jade entered Zane’s house. She had been scared on his behalf. Cause she saw Jade as a murderer too, didn’t she? She was more comfortable with the idea of shacking up with someone who could kill her if she got a scratch, than with her, who she claimed to love. Jade couldn’t lose her. She couldn’t. She… Maybe, actually, she didn’t have more currency to keep paying the price of duty. That was it, she was empty. She looked at Van, her throat tightening. She missed her so much. “I should’ve told you before, though. It’s weird that it never came up.” like The Powers That Be dangled that one carrot a little too long that she almost forgot about it. But okay, they were here now. When would she ever shy away from talking?

—

Van flinched at Jade’s comment. What did Jade know about being bullied? Had she been on the other side of somebody’s vindictiveness? Because from where she stood, it seemed like Jade was the type to shove dirt into people’s mouths for simply existing. The undead kind, sure, but a bully to people all the same. She kept the comment to herself, not wanting to let Jade know things from her past and how they still haunted her, how she’d been relentlessly humiliated from elementary school into high school. Being different was what had earned her spot, after all. The part of Van and Jade’s relationship where she would divulge that information had caved in on itself the moment Jade admitted what she had done. 

Anger obscured Van’s vision as she stared down at her phone. The screen became blurred, colors bleeding together, the timer in the corner counting down, tick, tick, tick. She could feel it under her skin; the anger. Her gaze snapped up to meet Jade’s and her lower lip quivered. She didn’t like being angry, it didn’t suit her. She cried a lot when she was angry, so maybe she had always been an angry person, just in a different way from other people. Maybe she’d been restructured to exist like this, a hollowed out version of herself after everything she’d endured. Maybe she’d never not be angry, and maybe it’d always look like this, and maybe she’d always hate it, and hate herself for it, but it was easy to put that hate onto somebody else, namely Jade. Even if it wasn’t necessarily hatred, but something on the outskirts of it. Because in reality, Van knew she could never hate her, but she could delude herself into believing she was getting close. 

She couldn’t even correct Jade about the Thea comment, that they weren’t dates, and that she’d already overtaken her in Candy Crush, or at least gotten close. God, she’d gotten so close so many times. Van would have loved to envelope herself in the realization that Jade was proud. She thought of Emilio, and of Wynne on that night– of how they looked at her with a certain kind of fondness she didn’t believe she deserved. She had especially never expected to earn that look from Emilio. But as she sat in her stupid chair behind that stupid counter as Jade stood just outside of that stupid door that led into the backroom that would act as a barrier between them, Van had wanted it to be Jade there that night, all proud smiles and encouraging words. She hated herself for it, because wasn’t that lending herself to the purpose that Jade had constructed for herself? 

Van didn’t want to be upset that Wynne had brought up their attack to Jade, because Wynne didn’t know that Van was unhappy with Jade. It wasn’t their fault. “Obviously I would.” She snapped back, unable to hide her disdain for the question. Jade didn’t even know the half of it; didn’t know how many people Van had cut down to ensure her own safety and the safety of others. Would the other’s opinion change if she did? Would she pat her on the back, telling her she’d done well because she protected herself? The difference was, Van wasn’t going out of her way to find people to hurt. Jade was. She had admitted it! 

As Jade spoke, Van snorted. She dropped her head into her hands, scraping her palms down her face, pads of her fingers rubbing into her eyes as if to alleviate Jade from her vision once she opened them again. But no, she was still there as she looked up. “No shit?” She was being mean, too mean. This wasn’t like her, but she couldn’t stop. Was what Jade needed was for somebody to be so drastically different so she could see the error of her ways? “Does Regan know what you do? That you go and kill people just like us?” A brief pause, then she continued, “oh, sorry, wait, I forgot you don’t think they matter just because something happened to them to make them the way they are. They’re all bad for that, right?” Nothing had happened to her to give her her magic (she didn’t think), and from her understanding, nothing had happened to make Regan a fae, either. They’d been born this way (thanks, Lady Gaga), and so was that what Jade’s problem was? That something had attacked somebody else, thus turning them into what she envisioned as a monster? Some were, of course– the dirt eating monster, the ghoul like creature that attacked her and Emilio months ago. But there were differences, too. She knew there had to be, because Jade had said it herself: they were people, just like them. 

There were truths to both of their versions of the story and Van knew that. “But can’t you like, at least give them the chance?” They had tried to give Debbie a chance, even as she held the knife against their skin. They had tried to put a stop to it, but had ultimately fallen to the script of becoming a version of some kind of final girl. Van wasn’t proud of the times she’d taken somebody’s life, but it’d been out of self-preservation. Those faces still haunted her dreams. Did the faces of those Jade killed haunt her’s, too, or did she pin them to her memory like some kind of trophy? “Because from like, where I’m sitting, you say those things will always happen, but you don’t know that.” Van didn’t know that, either. “There’s a way to come back from the bad things you’ve done.” Was that true for Jade? Did Van believe that Jade could come back from what she had done the night she stumbled back into the cabin? “Maybe it’s better that I didn’t know, actually.” Even if she was glad she did. She was tired of living in some ignorant bubble, only to be popped when the going got tough. 

There was a brief silence, and Van almost dared it to eat her alive, but finally, she said something. The music that poured from the kitchen was abrupt, a soundtrack to the slinging of dough and cooked marinara. “I’ve done things to people, not just monsters. To protect myself, to protect others. It happens, it always happens. Am I bad? Do you think that I’ll always go feral because of my magic?” She could feel the tears starting to poke at the corners of her eyes. “If you want to like, make me see where you’re coming from, can’t you try and see where I am? What I’m trying to say? That there are other things, like me and you, that hurt people, innocent people.” Okay, so maybe the people Van hurt (aside from Diana) hadn’t been so innocent, but that wasn’t something she was willing to touch on, she was trying to prove a point. “I know I need to like, chill on the hate train for you,” she didn’t hate her, never could, but god she was so angry, “but it’s so hard when you admitted to hurting people for just existing as they were. It’s fucked up, Jade. Really, really, really fucked up.” The flood of tears was no match for the way she wiped her face with her arm. It came away glossy, and slightly stained with black eyeliner. Stupid fake waterproof makeup. 

—

Jade had no intention of pushing further after Van’s admission. Cool, so she would also go the distance to defend a friend in need. Cause yup, that was a totally normal reaction. She nodded, happy that she wasn’t totally crazy for thinking that at least. Relieved that despite their current dispute, they could agree on that front. Cause Van was the friend who opened portals to save friends from banshees and feral vampires, and Jade loved her exactly for that.  

But Van was still pissed at her, and frustrated (right? Was that what the facepalm meant?) so her sharp words were expected. Familiar, once again. Not from Van, mind you. But from others. Those who had walked away from her before. Jade was so used to it that she wasn’t rattled. But she was surprised by the question that followed. Did Regan know? Why wouldn’t she know? She knew even before they admitted their feelings for each other. But also, Van and Regan were nothing like the undead she hunted, what was she talking about? The air she was gonna use to interject Van’s argument only reached her lungs, cause whoops, Van quickly amended her words. And, she was right on the money too.

They were so not the same. 

Except Van’s tone was definitely one of disagreement with that statement. It was dripping with sarcasm. And it was also wrapped with a little bow of assumptions. Jade let out a weary sigh, shaking her head. She did not think they were all bad, (cause wasn’t that like a super arbitrary moral judgment anyway? What was bad for her was good for others and vice versa) But dangerous? Dangerous was a fact, dangerous resulted in deaths, which not everybody seemed to be able to make the distinction. And she did not despise them for simply existing or whatever else people jumped to conclusions when they decided to get into this conversation with her. She was almost expecting Van to tack on a ‘simple-minded’ as well, another buzzword from previous arguments, cause most people did not think her nuanced enough to be able to see the whole picture, to empathize with their suffering (she’d seen it in their eyes, how could she not?), and still know there were billion others to protect from their bloodlust.

(A kindness. It’s a kindness, baby, Ruby’s voice echoed with distortion) (Wasn’t death merciful compared to the alternative? To the horror of losing yourself to a monster? Didn’t she want to be kind? And fair and…)  

She let the question rewarding Regan go unanswered. Jade didn’t wanna ruin their relationship by dragging her into this. It was between her and Van. 

And… Maybe she should actually answer her siblings' call tomorrow, instead of ghosting them like she had been for a week now, under different circumstances (unpredictable orders, dates with Regan). Maybe she should let them set her straight when it came to all this discourse. She would be renewed, a new sense of conviction pulsing through her, and she’d be equipped with better answers. Answers that would appease Van. (That was what she wanted, right?)

But Jade stared at Van, listening as she spoke. Trying to pick up new meanings behind arguments she’d heard time and time again. Van’s suggestion wasn’t new either, but Jade didn’t jump with a ‘well, actually’. She waited. Maybe for the first time. Giving the undead a chance was a step too late. But she had also been there, done that. She had given Metzli a chance to try their luck at being a good monster. She had given Ariadne one as well, hoping there wouldn’t be a second accident. Did that make her look good in Van’s eyes? How? Why would Van want her to be a failure? Why would Van value her more when she was imperfect than when she was capable? Her siblings loved her when she fulfilled her duty. Their eyes never brimmed with more pride than when she succeeded. Why wouldn’t Van want that for her? (Why didn’t anybody else?)

She opened her mouth, knowing that agreeing with Van could’ve been an olive branch-type situation, but her stubbornness was rock solid in her throat, preventing her from humbling herself. From admitting she had failed to fulfill her duty. From admitting to her doubts, from admitting that this was a more complicated equation in her head than it used to be a year ago. She grew defensive once again. Cause all of this felt a whole lot like being asked to do the dishes when you were already planning to. She was already having her moral crisis, thank you for chiming in! She was not gonna get done any faster cause someone was hovering behind her.

She wondered, briefly, if Regan would be disappointed in her choices. (She shot that thought down immediately. Cause one spiral was enough for the night).  

It wasn’t all lost, though. And it did feel like pulling teeth to even get to this point, but she shook her head. Jade could concede that claiming bad things would always , a hundred percent of time happen, was maybe, too pessimistic. “I don’t know that, no…” but like, Van didn’t know if every undead spared was safe either. Wasn’t it better, to prevent catastrophes? Why should she play with fire like that? Leave that option open. She vaguely recalled touching on prevention recently. Was it with Van, or Wynne, or Emilio or Regan? Either way, she didn’t think it had been a particularly winning argument in the past. 

Van believed there was a way to come back from the bad stuff. Did she really believe that, or was she vouching for her own mistakes? Or for Jade’s? Or Maybe for Regan’s? Or Cass’? Or Nora’s? She resisted Van’s claim. (Why?) (Why did it feel wrong? Why couldn't she simply agree and get Van back?) Cause… not really, could undead ever be truly harmless when they had a hunger they would never be able to control no matter how much they wished to? (So why did she let Metlzli go, in that case?). Jade armored herself with the same old answers, but wielded none. Not cause she didn’t believe them. She did! She was right. It wasn’t the same… It so wasn’t. Apples and oranges!

(Except) 

She was transported to that moment, on the side road, trying to comfort Nora. Talking about good intentions, wishing someone would see hers. 

It wasn’t the same. Nope. She couldn't judge undead intentions with the same bar she judged humans. Except. (Why did this argument keep popping up?)

Except... she would willingly forgive and ignore and even encourage whatever confessions might come out of Van’s mouth at any given moment, right? Except, when Regan said she had pushed her evil granny to the pit damning her to die, Jade cheered. Except, no matter what mistakes Emilio made, she would still excuse him and she would still find ways to annoy him in the same loving way. (It was a testament to how much her friendships had diminished in the past months that she could only come up with three examples). So…

So. (?)

It wasn’t the same. But wasn't it? (?) Shouldn't it be? It should.

(?)

Breakthroughs, unfortunately, didn’t come with a follow-up manual. Or like a tutorial. It was just energy zapping her brain alight, adrenaline cursing through her, making her wanna take a lap when she’d never liked running in the first place. It was her belly threatening to empty its content from all the jitters. But whatever she was on the brink of, whatever new tune she was trying to pick up could easily be turned off the second she got on the phone with her siblings. It was there, though, wasn’t it? Incomplete lyrics dancing somewhere in her head, exciting new bassline beating in her heart, intriguing melody thrumming under her skin. She nodded, maybe it would’ve been better if Van didn’t know Jade was a slayer. Yup. Cause then, maybe, Jade could’ve kept believing everything she had been taught since she was a kid was the indisputable truth.

And oh, conversations didn’t suddenly stop just cause one’s beliefs were suddenly against the ropes. Or like, fighting against the knockout bell. (She really should’ve paid more attention when Jasper forced her to watch ESPN). Jade frowned, baffled at Van’s question. “You’re not bad” It was a reflex. Proving how innate it was for her to be in Van's corner, always. And well, kinda proving that… she could be lenient with other people’s wrongdoings as long as they had a beating heart, right? Her hands balled into a fist, noticing the tears prickling in Van’s eyes. She couldn’t do this. Not with Van crying. Cause if Van cried, Jade was gonna do something stupid like trying to reach out for her. And Van, who was pissed at her, could like, make a portal swallow her. And wouldn’t that be all kinds of messed up? She had to get back home to Regan. She couldn’t just… go on a little hell hole side quest. So she stepped back, pushing herself against the wall, hoping that would stop her from comforting someone who didn’t like her anymore. 

Van wanted her to see her side, which was a lot like Wynne’s side. Jade had a glimpse of it in The Creamatorum. She had admired Wynne’s naivety (not even in a shady condescending way, she totally envied that they hadn’t had to think about vampires that much before). And she saw it now too. From Van’s perspective. But like, it did hit a little different now, though. After Wynne, after Siobhan, currently with Van. And… would Van understand her side? Probably not. Not if she didn’t like, start from the beginning. If she didn’t drop a few juicy flashbacks. If she didn’t divulge what she’d seen, what had been done to her (hypothetically) to shape her into a half-decent slayer. Was she willing? To start from the beginning? To open some compartments? To remember? The scar above her eyebrow stung, which was so weird cause why would it do that? 

Not yet, then. Her heart curled up protectively (figure of speech) (she didn’t think hearts could do that. But she would have to ask Regan). And… she kept fumbling her opportunities to patch this up fully. Or like, at least get going. And oh, right… Van thought what Jade had to do was messed up. So really, no chance for them to see each other’s sides, then. Would she think of it so messed up if she knew Erin could’ve died in the hands of spawns a few months ago? 

Actually, scratch that. Seeing tears rolling down Van’s cheek might actually be a lifeline. Jade exhaled, shaky, tired. She focused on what Van knew. Which was… Jade showing up with blood all over her shirt, talking through the shock of a bullet wound about stuff that Van had probably never heard of before. And sure, defensiveness still simmered inside her chest, cause… all Jade had wanted was the benefit of the doubt, but it was quickly overpowered by the immense onrush of guilt. And shame and… She bowed her head, mostly so she could stop seeing Van’s tears splashing on her Sly Slice shirt. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t all up here,” Jade touched her temple. “Not when I went after the farmer. Or when I talked to you… not that entire month, actually”. At the time, the idea of righting herself the way Regan had by leaving for Ireland sounded all kinds of genius. But it ended up being more like, no thoughts, head empty kinda thing, didn’t it? 

There was a tremor in her voice when she spoke again, but maybe it was all in her imagination. Maybe it was just her resolve that trembled. “You want me to give undead a chance…” I have would not leave her lips, again. Cause why would she boast about her failures? “But what if… what if the undead I give the chance to ends up…” She didn’t think she had to voice the scenario for Van to imagine what she was implying. “What if…giving everybody a chance ends up in too many mistakes? What if… it’s a slippery slope?”

—

Van had tried to imagine how this conversation would go a dozen times over. Maybe more than a dozen times– maybe hundreds. Her dreams were filled with sightings of Jade, of the other woman’s laughter, of the smell of her bike’s exhaust fumes. Van would put on her helmet and hold onto Jade as she revved forward, and they’d experience all of the things that Van loved about Wicked’s Rest together. They would reach out to Regan after, and Thea, and maybe Nora. Cass would be there, too. All of her friends would be, and Van wouldn’t need to worry about Jade possibly killing somebody that she cared about. She wouldn’t need to worry about it at all, because Jade finally understood. 

But that wasn’t what was happening. Instead, Van was standing on the other side of it all, iron branding beneath her tongue as she tried to outweigh the negatives on Jade’s behalf. All Van wanted was for Jade to see her side, and maybe that was asking too much. Maybe Van had deluded herself into thinking that people would actually listen to her and consider her opinions. She was seen as a kid by so many, after all. The tears definitely didn’t happen, and neither did the catastrophic magic (at least, to those who knew of its existence). 

She thought of Regan’s expression, of the darkness to her eyes. She thought of the fear that enveloped her as she ran away after melting the chair, of how they hadn’t been able to talk about it until after Regan came back from Ireland, and even then, Van wasn’t sure that what they did was even truly talk about it. 

But if Van could talk to somebody like Regan who had showed actual anger towards her, then why couldn’t she talk (and trust) that Jade would have those kinds of discussions with her, especially when Jade had never really shown anger. 

Van’s fingers grew numb as she clenched her fists. She stared at Jade, trying to reimage her as the woman that she had looked up to, once upon a time. Her chest ached with the thought that she’d never feel that way again. Van could understand that there were some bad on the other side of this, that not everyone deserved a chance, but why was that one person’s decision. What if they learned from their mistakes? What if they found some kind of retribution? 

“Why do you get to decide that? You could say the same about me, about me deciding that they get a chance, but why do you get to decide that they don’t?” To color them all as the same evil was disingenuous and Van knew that. Because the evil she’d seen wasn’t particularly clear cut, and sometimes it evolved into something else, into something less than evil and more kind than not. “Isn’t it a slippery slope just killing people?” Van kept her voice quiet, hopeful that the cooks inside of the kitchen wouldn’t be able to hear their banter. 

“And don’t– don’t use not being here,” Van pointed to her own temple after wiping away some more of the free falling tears, “as an excuse, because that’s not fair.” She’d been told to be responsible for her action or inaction, even when upset, so why was it that Jade was going to try and use that as an excuse? Maybe it was okay, but Van wasn’t going to unpack that right now. Her mother and grandmother’s voice echoed around in her head telling her to take accountability for her actions, and so Van echoed their sentiments as she spoke to Jade. “Not everything is bad, and not everything is good, and I know that, I’m not saying that it is, but why do you get to make the decision on what is or what isn’t, especially before even seeing it?” Van knew she should’ve been angry at the person who hurt Jade, but they were defending themselves, and after Jade had explained that they were undead, wasn’t there a lot worse they could’ve done than just shoot her? Didn’t that say something about them? 

“It’s nobody’s choice. None of this is, and I think– I don’t think everything is all bad or all good, but you can’t decide that before it’s even been proven. Innocent before guilty, right? That’s what it is?” She had gotten the saying wrong, but she figured Jade would know the point she was trying to make. She felt like such an adult, having this conversation– arguing over morality or lack thereof. It felt strange, being on this side of things. 

“You told me they’re people like us, and you still make that decision to hurt them, and I think that says a lot more about you than it does about them.” Maybe some of the beings Jade referenced did deserve to be taken down, but why did she get to choose that? Shouldn’t there be some higher cosmic being? Something other than a woman with a lopsided smile and a weird fascination with a woman paler than the moon? 

—

“I don’t get to decide,” It left her lips before she had a chance to bite it down the way she’d learned to. The way her sister taught her. Her heart jumped to her throat, horrified by her lie. Ashamed she would even say something like that. (It was a lie, it was!). She chose this. This was her decision. Her calling. So Jade did decide it. Didn’t she? Didn’t the choices start so early, with her training? Like… the hours (so it wouldn’t get in the way of her favorite cartoons), the fit (that one pink jacket with the sparkly belt to holster the knives), the hairstyle (a brain so the blood wouldn’t get in there as much), or the snack afterwards! (choccy milk and cookies never hit harder than post stabbing). And when Onyx brought her her very first vampire as a birthday present, she got to choose which stake to plunge into his chest (which did make the crying stop before she could hyperventilate, so!). And later, she got to choose the crossbow as her preferred weapon, and so on… 

She chose. She loved making choices, so much. Maybe that momentary slip up was just like, The Powers That Be testing the waters, sending out early screeners of this new Jade to see what the audience thought about the development. Maybe she didn’t have to say that ever again. She didn’t want to. And she definitely didn’t want Van to think she was like, a mindless sexy puppet like Siobhan thought, so… clarified as soon as her heart stopped hammering. “I choose… what’s best for humankind,” it felt weak even as it came out but, better than… that other thing. And nope, she didn’t wanna think about Regan asking where in her list of priorities that left the Jade of it all. She wasn’t supposed to be selfish like that. Not with this.

Part of her was kinda glad she’d already made a stop at Siobhan’s a few weeks ago. Cause the second Van uttered the word kill in reference to her job, Jade almost saw herself fumbling, rushing to point out the biology of undead. They weren't alive. Come on…Why wasn’t Jade arguing that? It wasn’t a lie, but was it true? They were… not dead either. 

And while for Van it was a slippery slope if she killed undead people, the same didn’t hold up for the undead who also killed people? Those Jade had to be lenient with? Van was willing to give people she didn’t know, hypothetical undead, the benefit of the doubt. But not her? Still not her. That stung. Not that she let that show in her face. Cause she had to stay focused on the convo and in the arguments she needed to counteract. This wasn’t her first rodeo, in fact, this was more like an endless game of “no you”, and even Van was catching on. Whatever argument she threw Jade’s way she could’ve turned in the opposite direction. And Jade had played that game so many times that she thought she’d forever have the stamina for it. Except… she wasn’t sure if that was true anymore either. 

“But…” It seemed like Van didn’t want an explanation for what went down during the time she unraveled. Jade also thought it wasn’t fair, but probably for different reasons. Excuses weren’t the same as explanations, were they? Cause excusing her actions meant she regretted them at least in some way, or that… what she’d done was wrong. (She wasn’t wrong. She was right). In reality, she would’ve hunted those undead anyway, just… not wilding the way she did that month. Did she regret going after Monty? Not really. She regretted showing up with a bullet hole and traumatizing Van. That sensation she still felt deep in her belly any time she was reminded of it. And did she regret targeting Ariadne or hurting Wynne? Did she regret taunting Mack, or was she revolted that she had to escalate the violence to levels she’d never used before? Nope, it wasn’t an excuse, cause Jade didn’t think she needed to excuse her actions, only the aftermath. She was a slayer, it was her duty. (And finally! Someone hit play on the old tracks. The classics!) (They didn’t… slap quite as hard as they used to before though, did they?) 

“But, that’s not… that’s what you want me to do! What Wynne and Emilio and… You all want me to judge. I can’t judge.” Cause Jade wasn’t a judge. (Or a weapon. Or an instrument. Or a puppet) “I have to act. I have to protect. Isn’t that worse? To look at someone, ask for their record and decide how many mistakes is too many? To stake the one who killed six but let the one with five kills go by some… some arbitrary rule?” If that was the case, Metzli being dust should’ve been justified. Or Mack, for that matter. And very possibly, the gay cowboy doing nefarious stuff at Prickly Pear. Didn’t they all have concerning body counts? But people still resisted her going after them. She was pretty sure Van would too, whether Jade had in fact seen it or not.   

Even she let Metzli go, duh, cause Jade got soft and bought into the whole ‘attempting to be a good monster’ era. Just like she bought that Ariadne would have others to keep her in check. Exceptions. (Those were exceptions for a reason). What if being selective, what if the judging Van and Wynne and Emilio wanted her to do led to even worse decisions? What if it led to the people she loved getting seriously hurt? Why was she supposed to think about the threat’s feelings when she was raised to think of the victims? (And were those... Still the correct terms?) 

But she’d thought about undead feelings plenty too. (Cause they were victims once too). She knew Ariadne shouldn’t have been terrorized to death by some amoral mare going after a teenager. She knew Mack shouldn’t have had her career destroyed by a zombie. She knew Metzli’s shouldn’t have been someone’s pawn for a century, used as nothing but a killing machine. She’d thought about them… as the humans they had been before. And cause she’d thought of them from that perspective, she knew there was mercy in what she had to do. She couldn’t have anyone convince her otherwise.

“Innocent until proven guilty,” Jade nodded, understanding what Van was trying to say. Metzli was not innocent though, neither was Mack. Or Ariadne. Which made Van’s reasoning hard to agree with. (Boy it was tough, trying to peek through the blinds, when all her life her siblings closed them the second she got curious to see what else was out there). “And if I go after someone guilty you love, what then? Isn’t that a whole other mess?” She should write down these scenarios in a napkin and make up her own little code. “I won’t, by the way. If you cared for them, I wouldn’t,” she figured it was best to clarify the question was like, rhetorical. She’d already pulled the plug on some hunts cause Emilio and Regan cared for the undead in question. (There was a big, unless they’re a serial killer unspoken that she thought would be better left for another time).

But… she nibbled on that concept some more, glancing down at her boots, tracing the outline of the blade she had strapped on the outside of her shin. She didn’t recall referring to undead as people like them (humans). What was that? Not a Freudian slip cause there was nothing weirdly sexual about it. But something. Kinda like how some drunk people got super blunt and honest. A lapse? She wasn’t gonna say that she didn’t mean it, obviously. Cause then what? Van would wanna talk to her even less. Why did she say it?

She felt smaller than usual. There was a familiar vibe about all of this, though. It was like a throwback. Wasn’t it so normal to be chastised? Back home there was always someone berating her about terrible posture or technique or whatever. She held her voice, like she'd learned, waiting for Van to say her peace. For the first time since she’d arrived in Wicked's Rest, she felt like that kid her siblings continued trying to shape into something, anything, worthy of their last name. Only just… in the other direction. She would’ve been a little uncomfy that it was someone so much younger than her doing it. But it was Van. And Van had always had pretty solid takes about most things, right? 

So back to the conundrum being posed for her. If an undead being (with no proven kills) wanted to continue living their horrors, if they were okay with leaving their humanity behind as the decades passed then… then that was their choice, Jade could… stay out of the way. At least. “I can… work with innocent until proven guilty.” For now. Until she returned to California. Until she was free from people who wanted her to be a failure and she was back with the ones who saw the potential she had to be good.

And in the distance? The growing dissonance between what she was, what she was supposed to be and what she wanted to be, not quite soaring, but picking up an eerie crescendo that reached her ears. (Or maybe it was a metallic tray that one of the cooks had just dropped on the ground).

“And what does it say about me?” She sighed, looking up at Van. She seemed pretty certain of her words, so maybe she could help Jade (who was not a judge, or a weapon, or an instrument, or a puppet) find the secret fifth option. 

—

I don’t get to decide. 

Wasn’t that the messed up part about all of this? That choices were almost always out of their hands? That even if Jade insisted she wasn’t the one making the choice, her actions eventually made it clear that the choice was hers to begin with? Was that how it went? Was it really that easy? It wasn’t, and Van knew that. She knew it wasn’t that simple, because if it were, then the sinking feeling she felt would finally dislodge itself from the pit of her stomach. It might travel elsewhere, to the burn of anxiety, or the threads of magic that ran through her and manifest into something bigger, something worse. Was that how it was for Jade? That her something, her ‘magic,’ was constantly tugging, constantly threading itself through her like a wire, making every move that much more isolating? 

Because that’s what it seemed like, but if Van thought about it under those terms, then it became easier to understand Jade, and she didn’t like that. She didn’t want to be aligned with somebody who took the lives of others just because they had something happen to them. How was it for others, others that were born the way they were? Were there people like Jade who came after people like her? What would Jade say to that? That they were doing their duty? She had gotten close to the question, but hadn’t yet pulled the trigger on it, terrified about what the answer could be. 

“Humankind.” That word stung, because was she even human? She felt human, in the grand scheme of things— knew her life to be meaningless beyond what those who were close to her thought to be important, and knew that compared to somebody like Cass or Nora, she was nothing, but humankind still left a bitter taste in her mouth. “People like them, because they’re people like us, they don’t— they don’t deserve that ending.” They deserved a chance, just like everyone else. Whose right was it to choose death versus dignity? Was she in the wrong for fighting for the opposite side? 

“It’s not about that, Jade!” Van nearly tossed her phone from her hands as she flung them into the air. She caught it from falling, but it clattered against the counter as she slapped it down to prevent it from going all the way down. “It’s not like that, and you know I’m not saying that— that’s what you’re making up, that’s not what I’m asking of you!” It was simply about not killing anyone. She knew that there were people, things— whatever way you wanted to look at it, deserved to be pinned to the earth for the wrongs they had committed, or rather, beneath it, but why make that decision based on what they were alone? It was cheap, and Van thought Jade was better than that. Had convinced herself that she hung the moon and the stars, and for what? To find out she was a killer? For no other reason than the fact that something had happened to them? To prevent it from happening to somebody else? 

“I care about everything, everyone. Don’t go— don’t go after anyone.” Would it work like that? Would Jade take that to heart? The next time she was standing over somebody, stake in hand (ala Buffy), would she recall this conversation? Would the smell of marinara hang in the air, and would she have that same sad and distant look on her face? The kind of expression that told Van she was trying to keep the emotions at bay? 

But to her surprise, Jade seemed to… what, fall back on her heels? Van hadn’t anticipated that. She swallowed thickly, felt the iron slide down her throat. It left a tang on her tongue that she needed to get rid of. She quickly picked up the off brand orange soda and sucked it down, wincing as the sweetness mixed with the sour taste on her tongue. “That you’re afraid of things you don’t understand. I can get that. I can understand that.” 

She wanted to elaborate, wanted to give Jade… maybe not the benefit of the doubt, but something close to it— an exception that was closely monitored, maybe. However, the rush of a crowd, and the swinging of doors meant she had to pour her energy into something else. She quickly wiped away the tears and snapped her gaze over to the people who filed in, laughter filling the air. 

It was strange, living in worlds that were so clearly different from one another. 

She didn’t offer Jade another glance as she turned her attention fully to the customers, “what can I get for you?” 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

[terriblygrimm]

unstoppable force

immovable object

[natjennie]

sorry I really don't know how to shut up but I think it's possible that a lot of the takes that are like. "ouagh but they should've stayed together forever what happened to them being family 😭" are kind of mm. immature? naive? like have you never had a family member move out? have you never had a sibling go off to college? have you never moved away from a best friend? your family doesn't stop being your family if you don't live together. you don't stop loving people if you're not right next to them. I thought this was the "I keep a part of everyone I've ever met with me" website. what happened to the "I learned how to ride a bike from my best friend's dad when I was 7 and we don't talk anymore but I think about her every time I ride one" like. so much of growing up and being an adult is losing people. in every conceivable way. you grow apart, you talk less, you don't visit as much, you move away. that doesn't make them any less important to you. it doesn't make them any less family. it doesn't make the love any less real. something being over doesn't cheapen the fact that it happened. a show ending doesn't make the rest of it not worth watching. "it's a sad song, it's a sad tale it's a tragedy, it's a sad song but we sing it anyway," right?

[jerreeeeeee]

i don’t know if i’m ever gonna write the fic but i’ve been thinking abt like. the eternal stockade. the implications. lup, a lich who was trapped in a dark featureless cell for a decade completely isolated with nothing to keep her sanity but her own mind. she has to put people in the eternal stockade. how many liches does she see herself in. how many liches started out just like her. how many liches are truly too far gone. and the only liches we ever see other than her and barry are edward and lydia. they’re certainly evil, but mad? they seem pretty sane. they’re not, like, tattered echoes of souls, they’re definitely still people. even as much of a grudge as lup surely has against them, wouldn’t they remind her incredibly strongly of herself? do they deserve to be trapped just like she was? for eternity? isn’t eternity what turned john to existential despair in the first place?

[dxxtruction]

Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.

He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.

That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).

Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.

50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"

Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.

They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.

This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.

Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.

[ladystoneboobs]

westerosi ruling ladies/acknowledged heiresses outside of dorne, listed by region:

the north

lady jonelle cerwyn, lady of castle cerwyn after the murder of her younger brother, lord cley cerwyn, by ramsay snow. (cley did not long outlive their father, lord medger cerwyn, who died of his wounds as a pow at harrenhal, after fighting in roose bolton's host when tywin lannister defeated them on the green fork.) we first hear of lady jonelle when robb stark calls his banners and lord cerwyn means to bring his old maid daughter with him, and the next we hear of her is when asha greyjoy gets her letter from ramsay, co-signed by a lady cerwyn and lady dustin, among the other northern lords in the bolton camp. cerwyn men-at-arms and the cerwyn maester are noted with roose at wf, and presumably if their lady did go south with her father, she must have returned north in roose bolton's party.

lady barbrey ryswell dustin, widow of the late lord willam dustin, apparently the last of his line since no surviving male dustins are ever mentioned. the widow of barrowton rules in his place for the remainder of her lifetime, and (unlike poor lady hornwood) rules with power uncontested, as barrowton's closest neighbors are the ryswells, also her closest kin, father and brothers. however, without any children from the late lord dustin, unclear what would happen after lady barbrey dies.

lady lyessa flint, head of the branch of house flint of widow's watch. lady flint's son, robin flint, led their forces in robb stark's army and died with the king at the red wedding, but was not the head of house. lady flint is listed such in the appendices, and was said to be pregnant in acok, meaning she likely had a living husband at the time, but he goes unnamed as only her consort.

lady alys karstark, heir to her eldest brother harrion karstark of karhold (whose location and current status is unclear after being captured by the lannisters a 2nd time), following the deaths of their brothers in the battle of the whispering wood, and the execution of their father by king robb as a murderer and traitor. at jon snow's instigation she has taken sigorn, magnar of thenn, as her consort.

lady wynafryd manderly, elder granddaughter of lord wyman manderly, by his son and heir ser wylis. should be the next heir to white harbor after her father, unless her parents should produce a son.

lady maege mormont of bear island, the only ruling lady listed here to also have a daughter as her heir. first this was dacey mormont, but after her murder at the red wedding, the new heir is second daughter alysanne aka aly the she-bear. but since aly told asha greyjoy she had a son as well as a daughter back home, that means there likely won't be a 3rd ruling lady in a row, as the mormonts may have a history of women warriors, but there's no sign they don't still practice male-preference primogeniture when there is a son to inherit. where the mormonts do step out of northern convention, however, is the ruling ladies fucking whoever they want without feeling the need for a husband and still naming their fatherless children mormonts, not snows, a practice rhaenyra targaryen would surely envy.

lady eddara tallhart, an heiress and then nominal ruler of torrhen's square, before the age of 10, after her elder brother benfred was killed by theon greyjoy's ironmen and then their father ser helman was killed when roose bolton sent him into an ambush at duskendale. listed as still a captive inside her family's seat, besieged by dagmer cleftjaw again, in the adwd appendix.

the riverlands

lady barbara bracken, eldest daughter of lord jonos bracken of stone hedge, who has multiple daughters by two of his three different wives, but no surviving sons.

lady amarei frey lannister, married to lancel lannister at castle darry as a granddaughter of a previous lord darry, then left to rule on her own after lancel abandoned her and repudiated their unconsummated marriage

lady eleanor mooton, eldest daughter of lord william mooton of maidenpool, listed as his heir in adwd appendix, at the time of her marriage to dickon tarly. (meaning presumably his sons mentioned in acok died during the war.)

lady carellen smallwood, (likely?) heir to acorn hall as the only known surviving child of lord and lady smallwood, whose only known son died years before.

lady liane vance, eldest daughter of lord karyl vance of house vance of wayfarer's rest, listed as his heir in the affc appendix

lady shella whent, last of the line of the whents of harrenhal, disposessed by tywin lannister, and allegedly dead by the time of affc, according to littlefinger. text is somewhat inconsistent on whether she or her husband inherited harrenhal, just as it's unknown what happened to all their children if they were the same whents hosting the tourney at harrenhal years before, nor even how they were related to minisa whent tully, the late lady of riverrun.

the vale

chella, daughter of cheyk, clan chief of the black ears

lady anya waynwood, lady of ironoaks, an older lady with multiple sons and grandsons still ruling in her own name, a formidable power in the vale, perhaps second only to the main branch of house royce as chief bannermen of house arryn

the westerlands

cersei lannister, lady of casterly rock as well as queen regent, following her father, lord tywin lannister, being murdered by her younger brother tyrion, an attainted traitor and fugitive, with her twin brother, jaime, unable to inherit as a knight of the kingsguard

lady alysanne lefford, lady of the golden tooth after lord leo lefford drowned in the battle of the fords against edmure tully's army. (whether the previous lord was her father, brother, or even uncle or cousin is unknown, all we know of her is her entry in the affc/adwd appendices after lord lefford's death in asos)

the reach

lady alysanne bulwer, the lady of blackcrown as the only known child of the late lord jon bulwer, frequently referred to as lady bulwer. (lady fatherslastname not being a style otherwise used with a lord's unmarried daughters, lady housesurname usually referring to a lord's wife using her husband's name). there is an inconsistency with taena merryweather telling cersei that there was talk of megga tyrell being betrothed to lady bulwer's brother (which a nondornish heiress cannot have and is not listed in any appendix), but this is either a mistake by grrm or misunderstanding by taena unless she's referring to an unknown brother of alysanne bulwer's mother, the last lady bulwer. (i'm taking multiple mentions of her as lady bulwer in sansa's pov over any gossip from taena.)

lady arwyn oakheart, lady of old oak, a widow with multiple grown sons who commanded her own forces in renly baratheon's army, even if she did not mean to fight on the field.

the crownlands

lady ermesand hayford, the last of the hayford line, a babe ruling in name only, married to the squire tyrek lannister before she was weaned, a husband now missing since his disappearence during the riot in kl on the day of princess myrcella's departure

the ladies tanda, falyse and lollys stokeworth, three would-be rulers of castle stokeworth dispossessed by the schemes of queen cersei and ser bronn of the blackwater. lady tanda ruled for years with falyse as her heir and younger daughter lollys as the only heir to the barren falyse, until such time as lollys was wed to bronn and lady tanda took a griveous fall from a horse. bronn started calling himself lord stokeworth when tanda and falyse were still alive, chasing off falyse after her husband attempted to kill him at cersei's behest. falyse died painfully in qyburn's dungeons, while tanda was left to die at castle stokeworth, making lollys even more a ruler in name only than baby lady hayford, as her husband is inside the castle with men loyal only to him, not to any stokeworth lady.

the stormlands

lady brienne of tarth, heir to lord selwyn tarth the evenstar as his only surviving child

lady mary mertyns, listed as lady of the mistwood in the adwd appendix

you'll notice the iron islands is the only (nondornish) region missing here. ofc they did have a possible heiress to pyke and all the isles but then asha greyjoy was soundly rejected as such at the kingsmoot after balon's death. the lack of other present-tl ruling ladies/acknowledged heirs afab may be down to this being the smallest region, aside from the crownlands. however, there are no historical ruling ladies in their section of the world book either, iirc.

AND there is another case of a possible heiress, again meaning asha, wrt harlaw. her uncle lord rodrik harlaw tried to dissaude her from the kingsmoot by offering to name her heir to his castle, while allowing a cousin to inherit all his other titles and power over the whole island of harlaw. but shouldn't asha have already been in line for all the harlaw lands and titles, above all the harlaw cousins? her aunt gwynesse's complaint of being the true heir as rodrik's elder sister may not work outside of dorne, but even on the nondornish mainland, a lord's sister (and therefore their children, ie asha) still come before a lord's uncles and cousins. isn't that the whole point of alys karstark's plight, that her older cousin had to marry her to try to claim her birthright? so the harlaw line of succession should go rodrik>gwynesse>alannys>asha before any cousins come into it.

that this would not be the case and that asha is only presented with the option of being lady of ten towers by doing homage to a cousin as her overlord for the whole island of harlaw suggests imo that the islands are particularly resistant to a woman as head of house, with all male kin following her in place of a patriarch. women may serve as castle stewards and the right sort may prove themselves as captains (not common, but not too rare either) but ruling on land, ruling over male kin, and fellow captains is a different matter. perhaps not too surprising from a people whose religon sees rape of foreign women as a key and holy part of their way of life. an ironwoman may not disapprove of her men doing so, but cannot fully participate without the cock to forcibly spread seed across the world. how can a captain who cannot fully perform manhood as the drowned god proscribes for his captains be rock king over any island, let alone all of them? in this light, balon's choice of asha as heir is even more radical, though likely it came not from a view of equality between the sexes but from a feeling that his own daughter was the very much singular special exception, more a son than greendlandized theon.

[sandinmybed]

can i be fr for a minute?? sending abuse to people online for holding different views than you is not activism and in fact actively hurts your cause. most people are not extreme in their viewpoints, you can give them a new perspective if you're willing to spend some time explaining shit. if someone is saying something you disagree with and you rush in there to condescend to them and call them disgusting and subhuman and dont even TRY to explain calmly why their views are harmful, they're going to shut you out instantly and double down on their views.

most people are simply genuinely ignorant to the issues they're talking about - they just pick their views up from the news and the world around them and express opinions because that's what every person does. if you run in there and tell them they're scum for it, what then? if someone does that to you, are you going to think "maybe i should do some research" or are you going to think "this person is an asshole, im blocking them." a lot of you think you're activists and then refuse to do any kind of actual WORK to support your cause.

[angel-archivist]

It's so interesting and so exceedingly frustrating how agab is being utilized now within the queer community as a way to isolate and sort nonbinary and genderqueer folks into binary boxes that determine their moral purity levels, and their authority to do and write and exist.

The way nonbinary writers are being put under accusation of fetishizing gay men while their AGAB is continually brought up in a way that feels like queer-space-approved misgendering.

The way feminist circles that are supposedly trans-inclusive will use the word AFAB in a way that implicitly but intentionally isolates nonbinary people who aren't AFAB from joining. It's for women*.

The way the language is already flawed and leaves out intersex folks from the conversations while focusing on a binary of sex that isn't truthful.

The constant obsessing over whether someone is AFAB or AMAB and whether or not that gives them the privilege to join, do, write, or be present in certain spaces really really concerns me. How are we supposed to dismantle a binary system of gender if we can't even move past forcibly assigning and focusing on people's genders assigned at birth?

[scholar-of-yemdresh]

Bare with me now but I think certain portions of fandoms reactions to a piece of explicitly aromantic media is telling in a way.

So I think TSV's lack of romance from the get go probably weeded out most of the types of people who aren't capable of interacting with media beyond shipping or romance. But even still I see the occasional er take or reaction to the SV's handling of & lack of romance.

I love how the most impactful plot and story relevant relationships are non romantic. I love how almost romantic relationships/attractions are exes,in the past, made the F up (Hayward the F we're you yapping about man?)or not on screen... All but one which brings me to the reason for my post.

But the strong reactions to episode 36 are tickling me.

A lot of people are upset about the ending specifically how they think the tragedy is excessive and depressing for no reason. Personally I belive Sebastian and Devereux did make it out at the end and that last bit was a ptsd flashback to the incident and I do agree that it'll be a bit much for the NPCs we've been following for a whole 1 hour+ episode will meet a grisly end for horror reasons I guess.

BUT the reactions by people who's interpretation of the ending as being more tragic I feel is interesting. I do not believe people would be as upset if it wasn't a romantic relationship that was centered. If Seb & Dev had been unambiguously "just" friends getting sucked into some nightmare Scooby Doo plot, if it was centered primarily on Dev & his sister, if it was only about those non romantic relationships and an unambiguous Bad End, I Don't believe certain portions of the fandom would've cared as much.

I feel people were waiting for a romantic narrative, wanted their cute assumed white yaoi boys to ship as a reward for "sitting through" all the aromantic relationship stuff. Were hoping for a cute soft fluffy romance that they could ship, the right kind of queer representation.

The aro/ace older woman, the Achillean trans man, the sapphic trans woman, all the myriad NB/agender main/major characters is fine...but where's the cis (white) yaoi boys?(nevermind that both of Seb & Dev's VAs are POC)

Idk I guess this is a fundamentally uncharitable assumption to make about people but I notice things and maybe I'm projecting too much

[butchscientist]

some of the dumbest discourse online is arguments over who's allowed to relate to a song. like why can we not just agree that regardless of chappell roan's personal intentions, there are ways to interpret good luck, babe! in ways that resonate with both lesbians and bisexual sapphics and that's something we should celebrate? a bi woman hearing that song and thinking "this is about me!" doesn't invalidate a lesbian thinking the same and vice versa. instead of arguing over who has custody of the song we should enjoy the song together and kiss

[butchtranny]

"Hoot," said the owl with his head so white

"a lonesome day and a lonesome night!

Thought I heard some pretty girl say:

Court all night and sleep next day."

"No, no, no." said the turtledove.

"That's no way for to gain her love.

If you want to gain your hearts delight,

Keep her awake both day and night"

~ "The Bird's Courting Song" - Appalachian folk song, specific lyrics from Elizabeth LaPrelle's rendition.

[morihaus]

the problem with being interested in the song of pelinal and alessian lore is that so much fan stuff about pelinal is just utter dogshit bc it folds really neatly into the "uncomfortably enthusiastic about killing elves" type of elder scrolls fan. no i dont actually think the ayleids were a single congruous society who all enjoyed torturing humans for sport and eating babies. i think there were esoteric magelords in positions of power who were the main driving force of cruelty in their societies but that alone does not justify the indiscriminate genocidal violence of this guy who was explicitly stated in a text that by and large praises him to be so awful that the gods were considering abandoning humanity

[newyorkthegoldenage]

Seen on the street, 1940.

Photo: Lisette Model via Galerie Julian Sander/Artsy

[wandaxpietro]

another ask because this is the only way I know how to contribute to the Maxicest/ScarletSilver fandom (wish i could do more but college is p a i n )

but imagine if Pietro and Wanda just came out and told everyone they're dating/in love (whether as a joke or if they're being serious or idk) I am willing to bet a majority of their friends/coworkers/acquaintances/enemies would either be like: "we knew lol" or "you haven't already???" or be supportive or neutral to their relationship.

But I'm wondering... how would Magneto react? How would Lorna react? How would Magda/Marya/Natalya and Django react? (if they were alive to see it) How would Vision or Crystal react?

Hell, how would Billy and Tommy react? And Luna too? (marvel pls bring her back :((( plsss)

i feel like in the current SW&QS comic run, there will probably be some in-universe comment/rumors that since are Pietro and Wanda are together again, that they are together.

(might ask more questions/thoughts/random blurbs later ://)

ah i think you're more charitable than i am... i don't think most people who know them would be okay with it. they all probably know to varying degrees -- especially their close friends -- it's the deniability that saves it for them, that makes them able to ignore all of it. the avengers (the ones that are close to them, that is) all know, all have seen the twins in weird situations, but they've gotten very very good at looking away. none of them want to know. i think they'd be highly uncomfortable if they came out with their relationship officially, because that'd mean they can no longer ignore it, y'know? i don't think most would start a fight about it or a confrontation or anything, but they'd get weird around the twins.

(on a side note, i think clint is one of the people who'd get actually angry for a while lol. that moment when you're bisexual and your two crushes are dating etc etc. also i think carol would ask wanda if she's alright, if pietro's forcing her into anything, which would make wanda really mad. janet i think is smart enough that she's realized for a long time they're in love & knows something like that isn't going on but she wouldn't be very comfortable, either. the one i think who's most likely to "accept" it is actually tony bcuz i think he genuinely wouldn't give a fuck lol)

that aside! now for the ones you actually asked about lol. ah it's difficult.

magneto - depends on when he'd find out. during brotherhood times, i don't think he'd care, because he didn't really care about them to begin with. once he finds out they're related, at the very beginning, i think he'd be appalled but there isn't anything he can do about it, since he's an absent father trying to reconnect and has no rights to his children. once they're in the family dance for a while, he's grown a bit demanding, esp towards pietro, if that makes sense? so i think he'd probably argue with them about it lol. i don't think he'd like it, not so much bcuz of personal disgust, but mostly bcuz of optics. but also bcuz he has a desire for his children to live normal, happy lives (as much as he has trouble showing them that normally lol) and i think he'd think that would interfere with that. he's also very good at ignoring it, however -- before he'd officially find out, ofc, but after, too. he just conveniently "forgets" it. maybe starts introducing both of them to other people. they hate it.

lorna - i think lorna knows. i think she's known for a long time and while she was disgusted by it at first (and also strangely jealous; she doesn't want either of them but they've always been so close and she never had that. she doesn't have a sibling that's primarily hers, if that makes sense) i think she came to terms with it over time, enough so that she'd be pretty alright with it if they went official.

i honestly don't know about magda, django, marya and natalya... i think magda would have a lot of compassion after everything they've been through, but would treat it as an unfortunate side-effect of all of the twins' trauma, if that makes sense? she loves them a lot, though. the rest of them i don't know. i can't see any of them liking it, but marya and django might just be happy they're both alive and happy, you know? i feel like natalya would want more for them, similarly to magneto, bcuz she doesn't quite get it. but no one does. so yknow.

so billy and tommy are their kids. we know this. i think tommy wouldn't care, tbh. i can't see him being fazed or disgusted by it, also i think he'd be happy to find out pietro is his dad. they already get along, and he doesn't have a lot of people who care about him, and who want to spend time with him (vision never did lol). idk about billy..... i think he dearly loves them both but i think he might just think wanda could do better (lol). i think he'd be vaguely uncomfortable, but pietro would never play dad if billy didn't want that, so i think they're fine-ish? he'd probably get used to it eventually even when he's not thrilled. idk if he'd ever see pietro as his dad. also i think he's also known for a long time but he hasn't gotten over it like lorna has.

as for luna....... honestly she's genuinely a weird kid. she can see people's emotions & i can't see her caring much about "human" taboos. she's from a royal family, and her aunt's husband is also her aunt's (distant) cousin. i think she'd be fine, lol. she can see the love between wanda & pietro -- and tho she probably didn't realize (or didn't want to; bcuz that'd make things complicated) that it was romantic, too, she'd be relatively fine, just happy that her father's happy. she's long since been over crystal and pietro's marriage, so that doesn't bother her, either.

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk