#vex is the mean asexual

[out-of-heaven-and-hell]

Will kink shame you for everything cause all kinks are equally disgusting to her <3

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

whenever I write scarian or grumbo or convex or any combination of the three I am always caught in this elaborate trap of my own creation where they never do explicitly romantic things like dates but they are definitely not just friends and... okay well they're just on the asexual / aromantic spectrum sure but I never really mean to write them like that.

like, I could write them much more explicitly as �� boyfriends 💥 with romantic confessions and dramatic kissing but I just... don't find that as compelling as the dynamic of "whatever the fuck those freaks have going on". which usually includes some kind of shared trauma or weird vex nonsense.

do they ever say 'I love you'? well, yeah, sometimes. usually in horrible terrible situations. do they call themselves 'boyfriends'? nah. more like, 'partner' 'flock' 'soulbound' 'best friend' or if your name is cubfan then just 'man'.

romance is dead but weird gay love is alive and thriving

[crimeronan]

kitkat this is mean but i do at this point assume that anyone who gets mad about the aphobia episode of housemd, which is late in s8, is simply and straightforwardly racist, homophobic, intersexist, etc. like if that is the one (1) bad thing you think is worth talking about - a single, one-off episode that was admittedly terrible but nothing like the constant and unrelenting greatest bigotry hit parade that is the show as a whole - i simply don't think that is an opinion i will be listening to. THERE'S BIGGER PROBLEMS!!!!

my perspective on this is, i think, both a little kinder AND a lot meaner than yours -- i 100% think that the Vast Majority of people who never shut up about the asexuality episode have simply..... never watched house MD. like, i really think that's it. they just have not seen the show. the only thing they KNOW about the show is the asexuality episode.

in fact, i'd say that 80% of people who derail my ableism posts EXPLICITLY tag or comment some variation of, "i'd never watch this / i already knew the show was bad / this doesn't surprise me because of the asexuality episode."

so it's not like.... necessarily that they think asexuality is the Only Thing Anyone Can Ever Talk About. it's just that it's the only thing they ever HAVE seen anyone talk about. and they're parroting whatever they've heard.

without. knowing. anything. about. the show.

like. it's just that they legitimately, honest to God somehow think that the asexuality episode was DIFFERENT, and that asexuals were UNIQUELY maligned, because they Literally Have Not Watched The Source Material. and so they don't know how often it happened. to everyone. or how systemic it was. or how cruel the writers were on a constant basis.

i think that this is the truest read of all this discourse. at the very least, it's the only read that makes me Not Actively Homicidal, so it is the one i must cling to.

there are a LOT of viral posts about house MD that criticize the asexuality episode without criticizing anything else. and those DO make me raise my eyebrows, bc presumably the OPs have watched the whole show, and so i'm like. why do you seem to take issue with the asexuality stuff but Not any of the other stuff.

BUT. if i am being good faith and nice to people... i figure it's, like, Ffffine.... for asexual people to make their own posts about house MD. since i am making my own posts about ableism in house MD. talking about one thing is fine. even if it makes me raise my eyebrows. bc as you said, it's one ep late in season 8 that sucks but. is not, uh. it's not the core of the show.

it DOES vex me that discussion of the treatment of asexuality gets SOOOO MUCH MORE VIRAL TRACTION HERE than any discussion of ableism, but it doesn't surprise me, exactly... about 50ish percent of this website is ace (last i knew?), and a MUCH smaller percentage is chronically ill. and on top of that, sooo many chronically ill ppl exist in a weird space with criticism of house MD in the first place, because he's the Pain Blorbo who's a Sick Doctor, he's like the only ornery bitchy chronic illness representation a lot of people have experienced, and that often Means Things to ppl with chronic illness. and so sometimes they feel Weird And Uncomfortable acknowledging that the show is also, um. really really reaaaalllyyyyy mean and cruel.

and just generally. not great. to us.

so. the posts about ableism..... don't circulate. at least not outside of very specific chronic illness circles. bc you have to be Nuanced about the chronic illness stuff, there's a lot of Uncomfortable Feelings involved, and the asexuality stuff is MUCH more straightforwardly terrible ragebait, which is very easy to get mad about & reblog with tags about how you are mad.

With All Of That Said.

i DO think that if people read a post that's being critical of how house MD hurts disabled/chronically ill people, or they read a post about any of the other many many many Many evil bigoted episodes in the series, and their ONLY takeaway is to type, "well, i knew it was bad because i heard about the asexuality thing!"

....i DO think that is thoughtless and cruel. and i do think that people should stop doing that.

and i have locked numerous posts because of people doing that.

and if people start doing that in my notes again, i will be instablocking and possibly locking more posts. because. please.

you do NOT have to say, "i already knew it was bad because X," or, "did you know it was also bad about X??" when the post is not about X. i was not talking about X. i agree that X is bad, but i would like to talk about Y right now, and this kind of smug kneejerk "i consume media the right way <3 i know that it's bad when it's bad" response makes it.... impossible.

like. i am being Earnest As Fuck about ableism and my own life experiences and the horrific structural inequality/oppression/violence/etc in the medical system. it's written about a TV show, but it's not Actually About A TV Show. you know?? my thoughts about house MD are my thoughts about The Actual Real Life Medical System and Actual Real Life Doctors. I'm Trying To Say Something Important .

now is NOT the time for, "oh, yeah, and the asexuality episode was bad!"

NOOOO..... FOCUS ON THE WORDS I JUST SAID INSTEAD. BLEASE,

[annabtg]

You portray Sirius as this stud muffin that everyone was tripping over. It’s kinda vain as a women. Sirius not being able to recognize that his best friend/brother was in love with Lily Evans? Bruh, please. The whole fucken school knew. Sirius doesn’t have tattoos and he’s pretty much asexual in canon from what we know. Not in your fics because he’s fanon and not canon.

I shouldn't even publish this ask, because people will laugh at your lack of reading comprehension, but you started it and I love talking Sirius so here's a breakdown of your seven deadly sins:

1. You completely failed to understand the assignment. Fanon doesn't mean "written by a fan". Fanon means a prevalent version of a character or event which is not supported by canon. Fanon Sirius is a very specific phenomenon, ranted about by @artemisia-black here and summarized by me here. You have failed to provide any examples from my writing that allude to such a portrayal of Sirius.

2. Instead, you complained about my portrayal of Sirius and called it fanon, providing (a pathetic excuse of) examples that aren't anywhere in the fanon version of Sirius and are in fact much closer to canon Sirius. You might have been trying to call my Sirius OOC, but you're probably like twelve and have yet to learn your fandom terminology.

3. "You portray Sirius as this stud muffin that everyone was tripping over" that's canon actually. JKR goes out of her way to tell us how handsome and attractive he was pre-Azkaban every time it comes up:

His face wasn't sunken and waxy, but handsome, full of laughter. (Prisoner of Azkaban)

Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, tilting it back on two legs. He was very good-looking, his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance neither James's nor Harry's could ever have achieved, and a girl sitting behind him was eyeing him hopefully, though he didn't seem to have noticed. (Order of the Phoenix)

Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so. (Order of the Phoenix)

(I'll stop here because I don't have my books with me and digging up the quotes is proving difficult.)

4. "It's kinda vain as a women" Can You Even English, Bro. Are you saying that I describe Sirius as a person who is as vain as a woman? If so you're not only incorrect, but also sexist.

5. "Sirius not being able to recognize that his best friend/brother was in love with Lily Evans?"

We're talking about My Best Friend's Girl, right? Here's the quote you've been searching for:

Sirius had sometimes thought that James might fancy Lily. He had caught him staring at her, he had noticed something particular in his tone of voice when he spoke to her; and yet, every time he had asked him, James had vehemently denied it.

And because I can't shut up about this story, here's another quote from that same scene:

“D’you think she likes you?”

“We’ll find out.” He grabbed another handful of beans out of the packet in his backpack and stuffed them in his mouth, watching James intently. He had returned to his studying, but he looked vexed. “D’you think I shouldn’t?” he asked.

“Who am I to stop you?” James muttered, his eyes still on his book.

Sirius shrugged to himself. If James insisted on taking it all in stride, he wasn’t going to miss his chance with a beautiful girl on a hunch.

Sirius is not stupid. He knows James has a thing for Lily. But it's not his place or his responsibility to do anything about that for a James that won't so much as acknowledge it to his best friend. And he definitely doesn't think that, just because James likes Lily, Lily shouldn't go out with anyone. She's a free girl and she can like a boy if she wants to, including one whose best friend has a crush on her. Bad luck, Prongs.

(I could talk at length about everyone's behaviour in this fic but I'd rather do that in a separate post and not in one addressing a rude anon.)

6. "Sirius doesn't have tattoos" Still waiting for any quote from any of my stories where he has a tattoo.

7. "he's pretty much asexual in canon from what we know" lack of a sexual relationship ≠ asexual. Your interpretation is not the only valid one.

Final grade: L for LURK MOAR.

[neitherthehoneynorthebee]

Do you have any Dead Men head cannons? They’re the main reason I love the series

Hi Anon! Sorry for taking a bit to respond - I have been trying to think of what headcanons I have that I haven't already talked about, but I've decided just to give you my main hcs for Erskine, Hopeless and Larrikin instead:

I mean, the short answer is yes, I do, I have many many headcanons. These guys live in my head rent free and I've sort of created my own particular world around them over the many years I've been in this fandom.

Erskine: as a young man he was a violinist like his mortal father, after he became an adult he joined Meritorious' side before the war started and spied on enemies, where he met Hopeless. Generally, he's a very conflicted man - he loves his fellow Dead Men but (as of 1800s when I am currently writing him) he's also struggling with ideological differences and split loyalties. I think his radicalisation in canon definitely deepened in the 20th and 21st centuries - and that the period after he was captured but before the war ends is probably the only time he could have been convinced not to join the Children of the Spiders fully.

Hopeless: Nonbinary, on the asexual spectrum. Their family were a brutal set of Faceless Worshippers, high in the hierarchy, close to China Sorrows' family. Hopeless was definitely poorly treated and undervalued by them because they didn't present any magical powers - and by the time they discovered their magic they knew that they should hide it. They're a fear-mage (basically they can read and affect other people's negative emotions, and shapeshift into people who've died near them). This is a heavily stigmatised but powerful magic, and it's the only one Hopeless is capable of using - they're not magically ambidextrous in any way. Now that they've escaped their family they are motivated by two main objectives: winning the war, and looking after their friends (especially Erskine). Their ultimate loyalty is to Erskine, which means when they realise that his loyalty to Meritorious and Corrival's beliefs is wavering, they're in a very difficult position. They're gentle to people they love but have the capacity for great violence if necessary (the violence here mostly psychological).

Larrikin: incredibly powerful healer, raised in a large family in a mortal village by a wonderful mother who was secretly a sorcerer. In a relationship with Dexter Vex. He's very lighthearted and teasing, but when he has to can be very serious. He believes in the cause but not like some of the others - he wants very much to make it out of this conflict, and help/heal as many people as he can along with him. Enjoys some frivolous wordplay and annoying people he distrusts. The reason he wasn't canonically at all the missions was because his healing powers were more useful on the main battlefield.

[spidrsharks]

Minecraft AU lore

fyi:

copy and pasted most of this off discord

pls ask me questions

long text after cut

I've made several aus first one is CANON the second one is called PROSPEROUS Both take insipiration of mods Canon is specifically an post-apocolypse world and Prosperous is like an SMP technically; both are smps but er Both: smp origins -hardcore Canon: post apocolypse Prosperous: 20th century-21st century

appearances of race goes like villages "alex and steve" illagers "monsters" "constructs" in the overworld anyway in the nether its like an entirely different thing netherborn piglin blazes, striders, ghasts In the OVERWORLD: Villagers get created and they have methods of both asexual and sexual reproduction that allows them to prosper. They live in solitude, peace and happiness among various tribes spread across the world Alex comes along, she strands on a beach near a village. She is taught by them, helps them, etc. Then she goes on to journey in foreign lands. While there, something happens and she somehow creates Steve. She teaches Steve and returns to the village with him. They're good companions (read; SIBLINGS) and they discover various things potions religion the nether The village they had grown up in prospered- they never took the title of founders, though. they werent founders of the village. Some villagers however disliked steve and alex, believing alex had malicious intent and passed it onto steve. They took advantage of the newfound potion crafting and created means of magic that defyed the religion that was created

they created allays, which at first were a great help for the community and stuff but after fully splitting from the village, they could turn those allays into vexes. Allays are also spirits taken from the afterlife They call themselves illagers mockingly but later the reasoning behind the name was later forgotten and it was then reasoned that they cause ill to those who oppose them They caused a fucking war The war was mostly one sided, but then the illagers were overpowered after alex began seeking help from neighboring villages and settlements. Illagers eventually left a treaty (read; surrendered) and that was it unfortunately it wasnt They became obsessed with defying death and so created undead monsters totems of undying undead monsters were failed experiments and so they let them go. Unfortunately , those monsters retained the ability to asexually reproduce and so they multiplied. Fuelled by anger and resentment they attack whomever comes near. In response to these 'monsters', as Alex and Steve's ninth symphony, they created golems and constructs some examples of golems include : iron golems copper golem creepers snow golems they spread these creations across everywhere before embarking on their final journey to arm the world and spread prosperity… then they were never seen again. This is where their urban legend ends.. but did it truly end? nope! They actually went to the nether. However because the nether is more confusing than the overworld , they were never able to return. they were short on obsidian to recreate their portal So they survived with what they could while.. also getting hunted. Now: onto the Nether for now The netherborn are magical creatures not quite demons, but not quite human either They were personifications that produce exclusively asexually. They thrived in the Nether with established territories, trading routes, etc.

Due to their lack of resources, they were able to develop a stronger sense of community and familial safety. They had believed there was nothing beyond death besides reincarnation. Due to the excessive amount of magic in their bodies; when they actually did die for whatever reason, they would become wither skeletons and defend till they were dust they built fortresses, and traded with piglins (who were also a dominant species in the nether) and they were both perfectly sentient and competent species collaboration between the two resulted in the creation of blazes, striders, ghasts, etc. Eventually here comes Steve and ALEX. These strange looking beings that just built things that looked strange, carried strange weapons and strange tools obviously a threat. SO what happened? resuming the story at this convergence point; ALEX and Steve were hunted to HELL Alex was also behaving strangely but it could be labeled as stress . Somehow after convincing the locals they werent a threat, Steve and Alex helped them breach barriers. Mostly potions and language and culture but to be fair, they had limited resources They helped build a society for the Nether that truly established the awesomeness of their culture and the netherborn helped find obsidian for the two so that they could go home!

Alls well that ends well, right? no by the worst stroke of unluckiness, the portal plopped them in front of a woodland mansion ALEX, also, for some reason, never came through the portal with Steve . Which sucked. He was now alone- and he never came out of that mansion. The few netherborn and piglins that went through didn't come back the same. They were so excited to have a promise of a new world only to be met with that. Breaking a portal on one side; the stragglers came back different . zombified. guess what fucking happened then a war started of course! specifically between the netherborn and the illagers so yeah; you could guess how well that went Despite the fact netherborn should've had an advantage; they had only barely mastered potions and couldn't make weapons. they only had their ghasts, blazes, etc. So while that was happening!

The villager population is thriving and they had discovered various ways to craft structures that lasted under the worst conditons the religion broke up depending on the tribe but basically was the same thing they realize the illagers are a bit too quiet but whateeverrr they built underground structures called strongholds. they used it to store food, safehouses, materials.. Strongholds took forever to build but hey; they thrived regardless Anyways; the netherborn lost. Their cities were ravaged and destroyed- leading to the present structures known today The surplus of evil magic created an entirely new species that… .. anyways Illagers, now confident because of their win, began raiding villages. Now this is the MAJOR war this is where the timeline splits Canon/Main: Both sides fucking lose Prosperity: Illagers win in canon; the war fucked up everything so badly that neither side won. both too stubborn to admit defeat but also too weak to win As generations continued; the war never officially ended. it is still going on. However its more peaceful. In prosperous: the illagers fuck over everything and start building their giant structures and shit over villages. it screws over wildlife and shit but they dont give a crap because they won, they get to run things They also forget about the nether and consider it useless but whatever Now you MAY wonder

what happened to steve? its never explicitly stated he's dead nor that he's alive So: illager magic is horrible. steve was never BORN he was created from Alex's arm! So being hit with several bitches using magic and vexes and- it basically tortured his body. he escaped out of the mansion on a nearby horse, but 'died'.. and returned. As Herobrine. Herobrine is not his name.

He watches travelers he is interested in and ensures they dont get harmed on their exploration. However.. if youre the one harming others.. What about Alex!? The girlboss is missing! May I introduce

THE END.

Hey Alex, guess what!? All your theories about afterlife? Fuck all! You're in the end now.

I can't explain this cinematically: Alex and Villainsbane exist at the same time. Villainsbane basically fucked everything up and replaced Alex at one point during her adventure with steve. Torturing him mentally and then planning on killing him by leading him to an illager base. So Alex is in the end. surviving off.. stuff. she survives off her few food and dirt blocks. she's restless. She figures out how to turn chorus stalks into blocks-- so with no way to go back home, she recreates it somewhat. its twisted and odd, slipping like her sanity. She's the first enderman.

After testing things out and eating a chorus fruit doesn't go so bad; she just eats them and eats them and-

oh. now remember she was able to create herself a brother to soothe her lonliness; why not again? She creates another enderman; and the realization hits her that.. she's different. her identity is slipping Alex no longer exists.

TRIVIA~

What about witches? Illagers that repented that either felt too ashamed to return or were shunned.

The end portal? Hey remember those Strongholds? Yeah, turns out it's way too easy to hide in those. Unfortunately, scholars with too much time in their hands go insane.

Other players? Up to other people.

Shulkers? Alex made golems she can make shulkers

Endermites? Manifestations of magic that eat endermen

Ender Dragon? Alex

Where's Villainsbane? Causing chaos and killing bitches what else

[grave-trolls]

Vex 🐝

Their sign is Gemun,  which is the sign of the Unbridled, meaning that they are a Derse Dreamer and a Breath Player.

Name: Nyksus Fisaga Blood: Gold Nicknames: Vex Gender: Nonbinary (they/them) Orientation: demiromantic asexual Age: 9 sweeps (19 Years) Height: 4'9" Lusus: N/A Headcanon Voice: N/A Interests: bees, not dying, sleeping Trollian: televisedMalfunction Quirk: 77-7hé qu1ck b̴̗̏-̸̖̩̂b̶̼̈r0wn f0x̴͓̦͂͐x̶̺̱͝ jumps̶̟͉̊̍s̵̭͓̍̽ 0vér 7hé lẢ̴̝͍̈́Zzy d0ggg 

Quadrants Matesprit ♥️ - N/A Moirail ♦️ - N/A Kismesis ♠️ - N/A Auspistice ♣️ - N/A

Other Information They have voidrot, which affects their speech, eyesight (blind), and health With voidrot, they could sap basically anyones energy out as long as the person touches them. They're always tired and laying down on the floor. They raise bees and sells their honey

[absentcaryatid]

It is you who indulge me! Learned more about myself too!

Reading your gender thoughts reminds me to say one of the things I find so appealing about the Neverland world is that the desirability of trans people is never in doubt. The story drama comes from the band rivalry. In cis hands these characters would probably get a slog through trans life as tragic, and instead you write actual joy. And the thing is, I know enough trans people to see your view is very much an accurate one. With the world what it is, acceptance is not universal, but it is by no means impossible to find your people. For the trans readers who haven't gotten that in their lives yet, Neverland is an oasis.

he wont be relatable to most, but i know for the few who he Is relatable to, it'll mean a lot to have this part explicitly mentioned.

Even being agender myself, this guy is highly relatable as someone doing his own thing. I have seen the impact when the story finds transmasculine readers and it is always such a joy to see that excitement.

Reading your attractiveness comments made me realize I was having an ace moment and did not clarify attractiveness as the reader's personality. Physical looks did not even come to mind. And you are right both ways anyway, later in the story we learned Chan wasn't acting kind due to liking Vex but because that is who Chan is.

I think there is some affection for his personality though or really why would Chan spend the time when he could have had anybody else? Unless the fight for dominance really is a compelling thing in ways I am baffled by due to the limitations of an asexual viewing sexual attraction, or merely my calm-loving personality too. Honestly learning about the world is part of why I read fanfic, the fun is first though which is why I love all the well placed humor. Going to be giggling about "garden gnomes" for some time.

In the light of day I'm now remembering your multiple, patient word of the author promises that these characters will get happiness. Been so hung up on Melty's Seongjoong series Liminality ending well for the characters that coming back to Neverland had me needing the same reassurance again.

The Mingi reference had me appreciating the benefit of text stories over visual mediums. As much as I would like this to be a drama series, you don't get thoughts and that is all that balcony cocoa reference needed.

Finally, bless you for the rice reference! Enjoy Muk Wooyoung is my favorite Wooyoung content but I had never gotten that backstory on why the rice was a block. Their dedicated friendship makes me think of your story, it is exactly the same loving feel.

what goes on in neverland. ⇝ aftercare, aftershocks, and the aftermath

word count: 8.9k

pairings: transmasc!reader x Everyone, everyone x everyone (its literally too convoluted for me to try type them out here anymore just see the masterlist for full pairings LOL)

genre: e2l, f2l, smut, fluff and lots of assorted shenanigans. hijinks, if you will

au: battle of the bands!au but make it gay and horny

warnings: nothing really? discussions of top surgery scars and gender identity?

a/n: noticed a lot of chan likers after the last chapter... yall gonna love this one :)

tags: @honeybyunnies @syunderful @absentcaryatid @mingirn (lmk if you want to be added/removed!)

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Waking up in the bed of your biggest competitive rival is definitely, to say the least, sobering. 

You’re not surprised to find the bed empty next to you, but you are more surprised to find yourself still there. Staying the night was never on the agenda, but neither was really submitting to him, so you suppose compromises were made. The memories flood you with the uncomfortable kind of heat now that the lustful haze has faded, and you are left with nothing but the searing humiliation at how easily you played into his hands. 

Who really won there? You really thought you had him for a moment back there, pressed against the wall and shutting you up in the exact way you wanted him to. It was all going so damn well. He seemed so close to breaking then, you saw his subtle blush and the hitches in his breath, the way he leaned into your touch rather than away from it, the way he had to kiss you to shut you up because he knew you were right. He was enjoying you playing with him, he was excited at the prospect of you having a go at him, what fucking happened to all of that?

Was that an act? Letting you have your moment so it can be even more satisfying when he gets to shut it down? Did he find you cute then, too? Or was it that goddamn golden boy, did he want to seem nicer in front of him still? Did he not want poor little freckles to see him be mean?

Illuminated by only the dim coloured light atop Chan’s bed – a warm yellow-orange, now – you wince as you roll over and check the time. 1:47am, your phone says, which isn’t that long after you would’ve finished, considering the time when you arrived there already. God, he really did take his time with edging you – but before you could wonder where exactly he went, he comes back in with a bottle of something in hand and all his make-up washed off.

“Ah, you’re awake.”

“Were you about to do something to me while I was–?!“

“Shh,” he whispers, putting a finger to his lips, “You’ll wake up the rachas if you start yelling. They’re deep sleepers, but not that deep.”

He seems far too calm for someone who could have been caught doing something dastardly or nefarious, so your mouth falls shut, and he opens the bottle and pours some oil on his fingers. You notice the label on the bottle then, soothing massage oil – and after warming it up in his palms, he gestures for you to turn over.

“What?”

“Turn around. On your stomach if you want, but you can also stay sitting up.”

“Why?”

He snorts, nodding at your wrists. “You were bound for a long time. Are you not sore?”

When he says it out loud, you are no longer able to ignore the aching pain in your shoulders, wrists, and your back as well, from being stuck in such a position for so long. While you’re no stranger to aches and pains, whether it be for BDSM related reasons or pole dancing, it definitely doesn’t make sleep any easier, and probably what woke you up.

“Well, now that you mention it…”

“Come on then. Turn around.” His voice doesn’t carry any sternness, nor does it even hold much impatience, simply just having a task he plans on accomplishing and getting straight to the point. You comply.

His hands on you are gentle, but firm, pressing down at the tightness in your back with enough pressure to make you moan softly, but he doesn’t so much as make a snarky comment about it. He’s surprisingly silent as he works, focused on the task at hand, and you wouldn’t mind the change of pace if not for how hyperaware it makes you of every sound you make.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs softly, “you don’t need to hold back that much. The walls are thick enough.”

“It’s not the rachas I’m worried about,” you mutter, uncharacteristically self-conscious despite not even facing him, but you can’t deny his massage feels good. When his skilled ministrations slow down to a halt, you cast a glance at him over your shoulder.

He’s smiling at you.

“What, worried ‘bout little ol’ me?”

You whip back around with such ferocity your neck audibly cracks. “Asshole.”

He chuckles lightly, then gets back to massaging your shoulders, a little gentler this time. “I’m not big enough of an asshole to tease you during aftercare, tough guy. You can relax.”

Aftercare? It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, having done similar acts of aftercare yourself and having received it more times than you can count, but something about receiving it from Chan of all people is puzzling. Last time you checked, you were having hate sex. Not that you hate him, really, that would be a pretty strong sentiment you currently only really hold for Felix by merit of him being Eric’s flaky ex-boyfriend, but you don’t exactly like him, either. Well, you like pissing him off, and you like competing with him, and you like getting reactions out of him, and maybe you like his artistry as well, but that’s about as far as it goes.

Oh, and you like his body, too, that’s a big one. The way his hands work the tension out of your shoulders is positively divine. Suppose he’s a pretty face, too. All up until he opens that big mouth of his.

“You say that, then you teasingly call me tough guy again. All men do is lie, huh?”

“Tch, you’re one to talk,” he scoffs, pressing harder with his massage, but not too hard, so it’s welcomed. “Besides, I wasn’t teasing. You’re tough.”

You wait for him to elaborate on that, but after a long moment of silence staring at the figurines on his headboard and the flickering triangular lights above it, you realise that was where his comment ended.

“…Thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” he hums simply, definitively, then shifts you on the bed to turn back around and face him again so he can take your wrists and begin massaging the oil into them too. He doesn’t even so much as spare your face a glance, but it’s not avoidant. It’s focused, and just a little bit tired, too, you realise, noticing the crease in his brow.

You frown. Something about the silence feels so damn intimate – even more so than the actions itself, which you suppose are just him going on automatic after dominating someone. After all, giving aftercare is often the aftercare in itself for dominants, too, so maybe he’s doing this for himself as well.

He pauses to look up at you. “Got something on my face?”

As intimate as the silence felt, getting caught staring is far, far worse.

“Yeah,” you snort, throwing up snark as a reflex, “Ugly.”

It’s a bit harsh, you think, and the way he cocks his head makes you think he’s disguising a wince, but he looks back down at your wrists as he continues to massage them anyway.

“You wouldn’t be in my bed right now if you really thought I was ugly.”

He’s right.

“You’re right,” you echo, not really wanting that to be the hill you die on anyway when you both know its not true. That isn’t a good look on you, either. “It was a joke. I don’t sleep with ugly guys.”

“I know.”

He wraps up and pulls away, and you find yourself missing his touch as soon as it leaves you. Which is odd, because once again, you don’t even particularly like him, nor were you even expecting aftercare, and he’s already doing more for you than you would’ve bothered doing for him.

Or that you did for Felix.

The silence stretches on, and that thought grows louder. Is that what this is? Considering how Lino obviously told Felix what you messaged him, you wouldn’t be surprised if Felix told everyone else about your night at the Prism in excruciating detail, too. Based on how Chan acted with you tonight, it seemed far too deliberate for that to not have been the case. The look he gave Eric while kissing up on your neck? Hell, he had to have seen that. That’s right, he was there, he must have seen it and–

“Feeling a bit better? Want me to massage anywhere some more?”

His face is as open as you’ve ever seen it, expecting to hear a genuine response. There’s no more attitude, no more competition, no more sexual tension – despite the fact that you’re both still half naked, you in only the unbuttoned shirt you didn’t take off before he bound your wrists, and him still gloriously shirtless, just sitting in his underwear. He looks a lot less intimidating without his make-up on anymore, either, the softness of his features really bleeding through, and without such a cocky expression either, he looks like a whole different person.

The lingering soreness is more of the pleasant kind, now that he’s worked his magic, but you nod anyway. Just so you don’t have to look at him again. You shift back around. “My back’s still pretty sore, actually.”

You feel the bed shift behind you as he shuffles onto his knees, and presses a hand between your shoulder blades to push you down, and you lie onto your stomach without a word.

“Does that hurt?”

“What?” He already lifted his hand, he can’t possibly think he shoved you too hard. Is your back supposed to hurt while lying on your stomach after being bound like that? “Um, yeah. Kinda.”

“Your scar, I mean,” he says plainly, blinking at you dumbly when you peer over your shoulder again to look at him. “I mean I know it’s healed, at least, it looks healed enough, but still, pressure on such a large wound…”

“Oh, that- that’s fine,” you reassure him, plopping your head back down on the mattress and letting your eyes fall shut. “Bed’s soft. Didn’t even think about it.”

“Alright.” He throws a leg over you to straddle your hips, this time massaging your lower back as well, and while you asked him to continue mostly just because it felt nice, you now realise how much tension you had down there, too. “Can I ask how you got it?”

“My scar?”

“Yeah. I mean, I know what top surgery scars look like, but that looks a bit more violent. Makes me wonder if it was something else.”

“Ah.” You fall quiet, not really sure what to say. That you asked for it to be that way? Doesn’t really sound all that impressive when you put it like that. He’d probably ask why, too, and you aren’t sure how you would explain that to him, either.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he says, stopping only to crack his knuckles and pour more massage oil onto his palms before resuming the massage, “Was just curious.”

“You said it was pretty,” you breathe out, not daring to open your eyes and look at him. “Guess you’re not bad at dirty talk, huh. Suppose it is pretty violent looking in reality. I like it that way, though.”

He pauses – his words, not his hands – for a short beat before responding. “Pretty and violent aren’t mutually exclusive, you know. There can be beauty in violence, sometimes.”

“Yeah?” you huff. “Sounds like something a pretty violent person would say.”

He presses down extra hard on your shoulder and you grunt, knowing it was entirely on purpose. “Says you, tough guy. You’re a little menace.”

“Who you calling little? First freckles, now you – you guys sure do like pulling the height card for a bunch of garden gnomes. Glad to have someone shorter than you for a change? Congrats, he’s not even a cis man.”

“What do you identify as, by the way? Do you consider yourself a man, or...?” Chan asks genuinely, once again dodging your attempts at provocation. He’s getting quite good at this, and that bothers you, because provoking him was the entire fun of him, but you suppose now is too nice of a moment to really push it.

“Man enough. Man sometimes. On Tuesdays, maybe. On Wednesdays I’m just a gendery enigma.”

He chuckles. “What about Thursdays?”

“Hmm. Guy, but in the same way you call an animal friend you find on the street a little guy, y’know? Just a dude.”

His signature giggles are back, and you find yourself smiling and cracking your eyes back open before you even realise it, hazy. You can’t remember the last time you felt this relaxed since the whole competition started.

“And on Fridays?”

You yawn loudly, letting your eyes flutter shut again as sleep threatens to tug away at you once again, but you know you won’t fall properly asleep while he’s still touching you. “Gender on Fridays… that’s between me and God.”

He laughs properly at that, catching himself quickly and keeping it quiet as to not disturb his roommates, but you feel an oddly swelling sense of pride at being able to make him laugh like that. Maybe he won this game of wits you played in bed, but he can’t deny you’re at least funny.

“Alright, I’m getting tired,” he yawns as well, rolling off you and flopping back onto the bed next to you. It’s only then when you notice the bright red lines adorning his back, and gasp at the sight.

“Holy shit, Chan, your back.”

“Yeah?” He looks over his shoulder at you with a simultaneously sheepish and smug grin. “Suppose you didn’t get a good view before, huh?”

“No, I’m not— okay, I am appreciating the view, but dude, I basically mauled your back, does that not sting?”

He wrinkles his nose, twisting his torso this way and that experimentally. “A bit. It’s not bad, though.”

After he took care of you so gently, you find yourself wanting to take care of him at least just a little – just to even the playing field, so he can’t chastise you for not knowing safe kink practices, or otherwise flip it on you somehow. At least, that’s what you tell yourself when you get up and ask him if he has any ointment for it.

“Ointment?”

“Yeah, like an antibiotic cream, or something. I broke skin, Chan. There’s a bit of blood. The least you should do is get it cleaned so it doesn’t get infected, especially if you’re gonna sleep without a shirt.”

He yawns again, stretching out and then wincing slightly, no doubt at the fresh scars adorning his back now. “Get it cleaned, huh? I don’t suppose you’ll do it for me?”

You bite at the inside of your cheek. “Is this a test?”

“A test? No, it’s a question. Do I have to get up and do it myself or can I stay here?”

“...Where’s the ointment? Or should I just use water?”

“Bathroom’s around the left corner, in the cabinet behind the mirror.”

It’s exactly where he said it was, so you return with a damp cloth and ointment in hand, and seat yourself behind him on the bed. This is certainly not your first time tending to your own scratch marks – or claw marks, as Kevin likes to call them, joking that the band are your scratching posts – so you fall into the process rather quickly. A gentle wipe-down before applying the cream, that’s all it is, you could do it in your sleep.

Your heart is beating out of your chest like it’s about to erupt.

You know why. It’s not a Chan thing, you know that for sure – it’s the same when taking care of your bandmates, too, as there is something so sacred about the whole process that’s almost tender. It’s the vulnerability of it all, and you’ve since gotten more adjusted to it with the others, but without any trust built between you and Chan, it feels significantly more potent than usual. Risky, almost.

Maybe it is a Chan thing.

Silence drags on and neither you nor Chan do anything about it. Out of tiredness, probably. You wouldn’t call it entirely comfortable silence, though; for some reason, tending to him feels even more vulnerable than him giving you the massage. You suppose you can’t really keep pretending like you hate him while you’re treating the wounds on his back that you inflicted, and you’re not sure what this means, anymore. You don’t know what any of this means, or how you’re supposed to be feeling about this.

“There,” you finish, closing the cap on the cream shut. “All done.”

“Thanks,” he mumbles, shifting around on the bed to get a better look at you, and you find yourself unable to hold his gaze. He shrugs and simply flops down onto the bed. “’Think I’m gonna go sleep now… oh wait, did you want like, undies or something–“

You snort. Undies. “You’re not kicking me out?”

He tilts his head up just enough to drowsily stare at you in confusion. “No? Not when you look like you’re about to melt right into my mattress. But hey, if you wanna uber home or something, go for it. I’m not keeping you here.”

He rolls over, slipping under the blankets and curling himself around a large pillow. Cute, you think. He looks even smaller like this. You wonder how you must look for him to make such a comment, how much of the number he did on you is visible, but you know you won’t get any sleep tonight if you stop to check in the mirror now.

“Yeah, I’ll take you up on the undies.”

“Aight.” He yawns again, stretches, clearly falling asleep already as he grabs you a spare pair of boxer briefs and tosses them at you as he slides back into bed. Once your shirt is on the floor and you are under the blankets with him, you find yourself subconsciously gravitating towards his side of the bed for warmth, to which he responds by turning over and draping himself over you instead of the pillow. It reminds you so much of sleeping with Sunwoo, Eric or Mingi that you find yourself lulled right back to sleep at a record speed.

If waking up in the bed of your rival was sobering, waking up in the arms of your rival is like a bucket of cold water to the face.

What is worse is that it takes you far too long to realise it, at first. Sleeping with strong arms around you is your norm, so you don’t really question it as your sleep-fogged brain slowly starts turning its gears, and you practically jolt when you pull your head back and realise you’re snuggled up to the one and only Bang Chan and pointedly not one of your bandmates.

“You’re not Sunwoo,” you blubber out, sliding away from him on the bed, and Chan just drearily groans and rolls over, pulling your half of the blanket with him.

“No. M’not.”

He stays still there, so you suppose this is your cue to get out, make your walk of shame, et cetera. Not that it was ever really a shameful walk for you, it being more like a walk in pride at the accomplishment of the notches in your belt, but Chan being who he is and his roommates being who they are make you finally understand why they called it the walk of shame in the first place.

“Where y’goin?” he mumbles, peeking out at you over his blanket as you start picking your clothes back up and getting dressed – still in his underwear with yours discarded on the floor somewhere, but at this point you consider leaving it behind as a prize, just so you can get out of there quicker.

“Where do you think? Home. Unless you’re up for round two? I’m warning you, I won’t go easy on you this time.”

Chan laughs out loud, wide and bright and fucking humiliating. You threatened him and he’s laughing at you. You scramble to get your things quicker. You need to leave, and you need to leave now, before you can dig your own grave even deeper.

“Have brekkie before you leave, at least!”

You pause to gawk at him, curly hair now free from its chemical restraints and sticking out in every which direction, his softer face illuminated by the morning sun. Who is this man?

“Breakfast? Seriously?”

He stares back at you like you are the one out of your mind.

“Yes? Do you not usually have breakfast? It’s the most important meal of the day, you know.”

“I pissed you off, tossed you around, let you bring me home and fuck my brains out, and now you’re making me breakfast? Chan, do you like me or something?” you guffaw, the only reasonable conclusion you can come up with using the limited brainpower you have access to before noon. Seriously, who the fuck does mornings these days? It was either that, or he’s trying to kill you with kindness and make you feel bad. Ha. Like he could ever.

Chan furrows his brow, recoiling in mild disgust and confusion. “No? God, is that what you think? I’m literally just being a good host. You stayed the night, I had my way with you, now I take care of you. It’s not rocket science, y’know.”

It’s not rocket science, he says, but trying to make sense of him is looking more and more like a complicated algebra equation you failed in math before dropping out. Why does he feel the need to take care of you? You’re not his responsibility. He doesn’t owe you anything. You were mean to him on purpose and he knows it, so he might as well have tossed you out on the curb as soon as he got off. Maybe called you an Uber if he wanted to be a gentleman. But this?

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? I just said why! Have you never had someone be nice to you before, or something?”

“Wh– of course I’ve had people be nice to me before, I’m not that pathetic,” you scoff, folding your arms. “Just not after I’ve gone out of my way to aggravate them on purpose.”

Chan just snorts. “Maybe you should stop aggravating me on purpose, then.”

“So that’s what this is!” The final piece of the puzzle clicks into place, and you stare him down intently – or maybe that’s just the morning glare in your eyes. “You’re trying to kill me with kindness, aren’t you? Think being a good host will make me go easy on you? Smart, but I have less of a conscience than you seem to think I do–“

“God, a man can dream, I guess! No,” he sighs your name in the most exasperated tone you’ve ever heard from him, “this isn’t some evil plan to take you down as a competitor, I’m literally just being nice. Because I like being nice to people. Is that really so hard to believe?”

“You don’t have a reason to be nice to me. I sure as hell ain’t nice to you! Every time I think you’ve grown some backbone you–“

“Oh please, that is not what you were saying last night,” he interrupts, finally starting to lose his cool. Good. You hate fighting him when he’s so clear-headed. “You wanna be so tough and scary so bad, but you insisted on cleaning my wounds before bed–“

“Oh my god, you are in love with me, aren’t you?”

Whether you actually think Chan harbours any sort of romantic feelings for you leans heavy towards no, but the accusation is one you can think of very few people who wouldn’t get a rise out of. Not to mention how funny it is to see them flounder to prove themselves just for you to twist everything they say against them.

“In love with you? Are you seriously that self-obsessed? No, no– I’m not falling for that, you know I’m already–“ he cuts himself off this time, realising the hole he just dug, but it’s too late.

“So you are in love with Felix, you admit it!” you cackle victoriously, clapping like a seal. “You’re right, we already knew, but I sure wonder if Felix does. What was his Instagram tag again? Lix something?”

“Sure, go ahead and tell him, like he’d believe you,” Chan huffs, “You’re not subtle either, tough guy! ‘You’re not Sunwoo!’ Hm, I wonder why you’re thinking about waking up in his arms.”

“We sleep together, genius,” you deadpan, rolling your eyes, “the entire band, we all sleep together, I did not think any of us were subtle about that.”

“I know that, but why is it Sunwoo’s name specifically you think of first thing in the morning, huh?”

Fuck. Why is it Sunwoo? As soon as you ask yourself that, your recent conversations flash through your mind, and you sure as hell are not about to let Chan of all people know about that.

“Because your arms felt like his, it’s not that deep!”

“I don’t mean this in a body-shaming way, but his arms are like half the size of mine. I’m not exactly convinced.”

“Then don’t be! I have nothing to prove to you.”

“You really don’t! So why do you keep acting like you do have something to prove to me every time we meet?”

His words slice through you like a hot knife through butter, and it takes a second too long to come up with a response. He’s right. You fucking hate when he’s right, and you would sooner edit a Wikipedia article to win an argument against someone when you’re in the wrong than admit it to him.

He sighs. “I don’t get why you have such a raging hate boner towards us. I know Eric has beef with Felix and we’re neck and neck in the Battle of the Bands, and you get your kicks out of provoking people, but you seem to think that I – or the other guys too, for that matter – would act against you if you slipped up enough to give us a chance to. But we’re not like that.”

We’re not like you, is the unspoken message there, but you hear it loud and clear. “Why wouldn’t you? Felix still has something to prove, that much I can tell for certain. Lino was quick to spill my secrets as soon as he had them. Hell, Changbin threw me over a table for something entirely consensual and even went as far as to slut-shame all of us. Like, riddled with diseases? Really? You’re no better than we are just because we actually own up to being assholes, you just lack the self awareness.”

Chan tilts a brow up at you, then it furrows into a puzzled expression. “This is what I mean about you bringing out the worst in people. Lino went for it because he knew you’d definitely do the same, and Changbin... he doesn’t start fights as often as you’d think he does based off of your experiences with him. They’re usually justified. Though I will admit the slut-shaming wasn’t, he was just trying to get some sort of edge over you since he didn’t know you knew about Hyunjin’s career. He’s actually done sex work in the past too, got his fair share of STI’s, it’s not an insult that comes from a place of actual prejudice.”

“Oh, so its all blatant hypocrisy then! Wow, that’s sooo much better, you guys are such morally-correct heroes.”

He rolls his eyes so hard you think he got a glimpse of his brain, then pinches the bridge of his nose in barely concealed frustration. “Okay, yes, sure, he’s a hypocrite! I’ll admit to that! But you’ve had something to prove since before any of that happened, so I’m just wondering why exactly you expected us – why you expected me – to be some sort of villain from the get-go! Why do you want me to be the bad guy so bad when I’m just trying to be nice to you and make you some goddamn breakfast?!”

You see he has reached his wits end, and it’s no longer a noble attempt to defend his team but a cry for help to save himself. You knew your verbal spars had more behind them than he tries to act, but now he can’t pretend like he’s their infallible shield anymore. Nor can he pretend his little posse are all virtuous saints. In a way, you finally won, you made him crack.

So why does it feel so much like losing?

“Because I just don’t get why you don’t,” you confess in an aggravated sigh, “Other people would! I’d argue that you should, given it all! It feels— it feels wrong to have you just, clean me up and make me breakfast when we’re not even friends! We don’t even like each other! Like, this goes above and beyond even for just a Tinder hookup!”

Chan barks out a dry laugh. “It’s like you really can’t comprehend the concept of someone being nice to you. Have you never had someone properly take care of you before?”

“I have! My band take care of me better than I could even ask for. But that’s the difference, they’re mine. They’re my band, I mean, we have a bond even deeper than family, we take care of each other because we love each other. What reason do you have to take care of me of all people? I haven’t given you a single reason to and yet, you do anyway.”

“You think people need a hard-earned reason to be nice to you?” Chan remarks back at you, and it shocks something deep inside you with an ice-cold chill. Yes? Maybe? That would sound stupid if you say it out loud. Would it? It makes so much sense to you, though. People can be nice without reason sometimes, but not to people who don’t deserve it.

Not to people like you.

“I... I’m not saying people can only be nice to people once they’ve done something to earn it, I just mean that people aren’t usually nice to people who have given them a reason – or in my case, multiple reasons – not to be. If someone hurts the people I love, I’m not making them breakfast, I’m kicking them to the curb when I’m done.”

“I know,” Chan deadpans, no doubt thinking about Felix too. “That’s where we differ then, I guess. I don’t filter who I’m nice to based off of some invisible tally of who deserves it or who doesn’t. I choose to be kind because it’s how I want to be, not because it’s what someone does or doesn’t deserve. I’d like to say that all people deserve kindness, but even I cave and deliberately deny people of that sometimes. I’m only human, yeah? We all are. Even you. So I’m not sure why you’ve convinced yourself you’re so unworthy of my kindness that you lash out at me for it. Have you been wronged that much?”

He says it so casually and gets up to wash his face in the connected bathroom like he didn’t just cover you in paper cuts then drop you in a pool of lemonade and salt. Have you been wronged that much? Hell, have you been wronged by that many? You think back to your family, then your former friends, their friends, your peers. You think about your band, all runaways or renegades from similar surroundings, and the safety you found in them being like-minded individuals. How you all met because you were all so scorned taking the road not taken, so driven yet so lost.

Society has a way of chewing you up and spitting you back out into more pieces than you started off in, then expecting you to pick them up and glue them back together yourself, as if you are the one who did it. That’s just how life is; there is no childhood without hardship, no adult without trauma, despite the best efforts of many and the lack of effort of many more. Everyone has their own demons to fight, all while fighting for their lives in the blender that is late-stage capitalism and man-made prejudice.

You know all this. Yet when Chan asks, ‘Have you been wronged that much?’ Part of you thinks that all of that is bullshit and somehow you and your band have ended up being through hell and back for no other damn reason than drawing the short straw in the hand dealt to the rest of the world.

“I don’t... I...”

You struggle to find words for the emotions you are feeling – rage, grief, sadness, bitterness, envy, but there’s something else in the muddled pit of them all that doesn’t quite fit with the others. Hope, maybe? That’s a dangerous emotion, but that’s rarely stopped you before. You wouldn’t be where you are today without it. Fear? Closer, but what for? Relief? At what?

Chan walks back out of the bathroom with a hand towel around his neck, then right past you towards the kitchen.

“Come on. I’m making pancakes.”

Feeling like you don’t have much of a choice not to – or a reason not to, for that matter – you follow him, plopping yourself wordlessly down on a stool on the outer side of the counter.

He doesn’t say more as he takes out the ingredients and gets to work, a simple recipe but nonetheless homemade compared to the pre-made pancake mixes you use back home. You take the chance to observe your surroundings, spacious yet rather cluttered with the various belongings of the multiple men in the household, and that is when you remember you two are not the only occupants currently home.

“Are the others still asleep?” you ask, and he just shrugs while pouring batter onto a fry pan.

“Probably. We’re not usually up before noon, but I’ll make some for them to have for lunch.”

“Did I wake you, then?”

“Yeah. But it’s fine. I got more sleep last night than usual, honestly.”

It will never not be jarring to you, the difference in the kind of conversations you have with Chan. You’re either arguing with blades drawn, or you’re laid completely bare with nothing but an emergency razor blade hidden under a band-aid on you, conversing like you actually know each other. Like there’s any sort of closeness or trust between you. You don’t know if that is just because you’re more used to fighting him than not, or because something about Chan with his guard down makes you feel even more exposed than ever, or if it’s the things he’s done and said in the past twelve or so hours that changed the air between you. There’s discomfort in how comfortable it is, a juxtaposition you have no idea how you got to.

“Don’t get much sleep, huh?”

He nods, scarred back still facing you as he cooks. “Not usually. I tend to stay up late until I’m exhausted enough to maybe catch some sleep when I finally go to bed, then try to sleep on and off until it gets too hot at noon and I just give up. Well, not all the time, I do get uninterrupted sleep some nights, but the staying up super late and getting up late is pretty consistent. So yesterday I went to bed kinda early.”

“2am kinda early, huh?” you snort, and he chuckles.

“Yeah. Earlier than five, at least.”

The relatively comfortable silence from last night returns, and you find you don’t hate it as much this time. It’s still rather foreign, but not as deeply unsettling as it was before, so you are content to just take in the view of his half-naked form cooking a gigantic stack of pancakes until he finally plates and serves.

“Eat up, then.”

You do.

You have been dreading returning home since the moment Eric threw his little fit last night, so you are already bracing yourself for metaphorical impact – the impact being rancid vibes more than anything else – from the very moment you open the front door to your apartment.

What you find instead, is a messy-haired Han with the buttons on his shirt done up one buttonhole too low, skewing the whole symmetry of the shirt sideways. If the bruises on his jaw and neck are any indicator, you’d guess this is Sunwoo, Wooyoung, or maybe San’s handiwork, but given that it’s your apartment he’s coming out of, you put your money on Sunwoo.

“Damn. You too huh—”

“I was just leaving!” he blurts out, shoving past you and speed-walking away while still putting on his layered jackets, and you snort and close the door behind you.

“Let me guess, that was the work of one man starting with a ‘Sun’ and ending with a ‘woo.’”

“You know it!”

He calls back at you from the kitchen, and you realise the mop of dark hair you spotted on the couch is not him and his permed curls, but simply Wooyoung’s atrocious bed hair. Or maybe sex hair. Could be either or, with him. Walking into better view, you notice the whole band is here already, seemingly waiting for you with Eric standing between the two couches expectantly.

“Ah good, you’re finally here!”

He sounds less than thrilled, and the rest of the band don’t seem all that excited either, barring Sunwoo’s aura of smugness at having his plaything leave moments prior. The tension in the room is palpable, like mugginess on a humid day, except the windows are wide open and the constant drone of the fan on in the background makes the would-be silence even louder somehow.

“Oh boy,” you groan, “if you’re going to grill us all on sleeping with the enemy, frankly I do not want to hear it.”

“You think I wanted to hear Jisung screaming out Sunwoo’s name repeatedly last night and calling him oppa?” Eric guffaws, as if that’s somehow your fault. You take a quick glance at the man in question, who only looks even more proud of himself, so you snicker at him.

“Wow, nice.”

“No, not nice, what the fuck you guys! Is there anyone here who didn’t fuck a stray kid last night?!”

“Huh?”

You look around the room at the others, only thinking you and Sunwoo did, but the only one who cautiously raises his hand is Kevin. You figure Wooyoung and Mingi probably got Changbin to crack with the added influence of Lino, but your eyes widen at San.

“Whaaat? That Hyunjin kid was testing my patience. Though I can’t say I wasn’t curious after his stream—”

“Seriously guys, did everything they said just evade you? They dissed our music, our message, Wooyoung and I’s dancing, our sex lives— and you’re going on and fucking them instead of fucking them over? What the fuck you guys!”

Wooyoung just shrugged. “I sure fucked him over his boyfriend, I think he appreciated the view—”

“You’re not even taking me seriously at all!” Eric roars, eyes flaring, but he’s right. You aren’t. You don’t think anyone else in the room even is.

“It’s hard to take you seriously when you’re trying to come at us for who we choose to sleep with. Like, I thought we agreed that what we do with other people is none of each other’s business, and it’s extra hypocritical when you were the first to do so this time. Last year we literally fucked a homophobe from the rival band to humiliate him and now you’re drawing the line? Just say you’re upset about Felix still and be done with it,” you tell him with scalding bluntness, and you can see the hurt visible all over his face. It does make you feel partly guilty, but you meant every word you said. Suppose you didn’t hear everything the others said once you were preoccupied with Felix and Chan, but you don’t think it would have changed your path of action regardless.

“Fine then,” Eric hisses, bitter and thoroughly done. “Fine! Fuck them all if you want, have one big fat orgy in our living room for all I care, but don’t expect to touch my ass once you’re done with them. Kevin, you’re the only one left with hole privileges.”

Kevin wrinkles his nose and raises a brow, puzzled. “But I’m a bottom?”

“Good! Then don’t use them! An extra fuck you to the rest of them!”

He storms off after that, slamming the door to his room behind him, and you all take a collective sigh at his little temper tantrum. They aren’t anything new, but he usually isn’t this unreasonable, but you all know why. Felix. It always comes back down to Felix, the first love who broke his heart into so many pieces he is still trying to glue them back together. You feel sorry for what he is going through, you really do, but that doesn’t mean you are going to let him walk all over you and lash out like that.

“So. Movie night?” San suggests to break the tension, and the others are quick to nod and mutter in agreement.

“Definitely not here, though,” you pitch in, Eric’s loud trap music blasting from his speakers through the closed door, right on cue. “Let’s give him some space to cool down.”

“I’ll stay here,” Sunwoo suggests, “Just in case he needs to talk it out while we’re still gone.”

“Let me,” you offer, “I’m not huge on movies anyway—”

“Respectfully, I think he’d rather talk to anyone but you,” Kevin interrupts with an apologetic frown. “You did kind of fuck around with his ex without him. I don’t think he wants to confront how jealous that made him. He still misses him so much.”

“I know,” you sigh, sinking down into the couch, wedged between him and Mingi. At this point you have already accepted movie night is not going to happen until you have talked this all out with the others. “I think it’s more than that, though. When I was talking to him about it while training him on pole, he said the rest of the kids made him jealous, too. Because those are all effectively, and I’m paraphrasing this bluntly, mind you, but they’re basically his replacements. His and the rest of their dance crew that he left. He wanted me to fuck Felix with him to prove that he too had moved on and met cooler, hotter and more talented friends to make music with, so he could feel in control again. But I think it backfired on him as soon as they started winning and rubbing it in our faces. At least, based on his outburst just then, that’s my guess. Still needa ask him directly, preferably once he’s let off some steam.”

Mingi plays with your hand as you talk, his large ones easily encasing yours and tracing patterns along your skin. “Sounds about right. Maybe we should stop sleeping around with them, then. It’s not like we’d have much of a dry spell without them, as hot as it is I don’t know if it’s worth making Eric upset.”

“That’s treating the symptoms, not the root of the problem,” you point out, noticing the way he stays fixated on your hand, not looking at you, but more so, not looking at Wooyoung. “That’s the thing I don’t get about monogamy. People will go to such lengths to make sure their partners don’t get jealous, instead of trying to unpack why they feel so bad about seeing someone else with them. Like, clearly he has a lot of insecurity about being replaced, or other people being better than him. I get that. So we just need to show him how much we value him, and how irreplaceable he is to us. How fucking with other guys doesn’t change that.”

That seems to stir something within Mingi, gears turning in his head visible on his face. You hope that it’s the realization you think it is, because while Mingi has never been the overly jealous type like Eric is, you know from many late nights drinking hot chocolate on his shoddy balcony that his insecurities are just as loud and all-consuming sometimes. You haven’t had the chance to properly check in on him since his fight with Wooyoung in front of you, but you hope he can read between the lines nonetheless.

“Huh. And how do we do that?”

“We put him in control again,” you say decidedly, nodding. “A position of power, of some sort. Make him the star of our next stage, build it all around it. Let him run it, even. And of course, him permitting, suck his dick till he’s shooting blanks.”

A unanimous chuckle ripples through the room at the last part, knowing full well how the combined effort of the six of you could make that a very easy feat.

“He did call us here to talk about our next stage,” Wooyoung hums thoughtfully, “I think he wants to do another special stage like we do at those dance clubs, with you taking over drums and Sunwoo on bass so he and Mingi can dance with me, if I were to guess. He seemed particularly torn up about their comments on dance specifically, which makes sense given how that’s how Felix left him.”

“What did they even say about your dancing, anyway? I didn’t catch that, was too busy arguing with—”

“Sneaking off to suck Felix’s dick in a hallway, we know,” Wooyoung snorts, shifting himself into his usual seat, that being Mingi’s lap, and leaning against his chest. “They said I danced like my sex appeal could make up for a lack of talent. Which is whatever, honestly, I just used that to make Changbin admit he still found me hot and eventually lead to bringing him home – amazing ass, mind you, he wanted to top so bad and I damn near let him but—”

“Okay, okay, details later, what else did they say about us?” Knowing each other inside out means that the tendency to cut each other off is never taken too personally, given how much you all have the tendency to ramble.  You’re grateful for it, because at times like this, you need to get straight to the point. “Did they insult Eric’s dancing too?”

Wooyoung grimaces, lips pursing into a line, and that is enough to confirm your suspicions. “...yeah. To be fair, Eric did bring it up first. He was taunting them about their dancing and how they should go compete in dance competitions instead like they used to in Force – but oh, that’s right! Felix left Force, and for this, and he implied it was because he knew that they’d never make it in an actual dance competition without Force. So they dragged him and the rest of Force through the mud, saying maybe the reason they disbanded as soon as Felix left was because they knew he carried the team and they were nothing without him. You can imagine how hard that would have hit.”

You poke your tongue at the inside of your cheek. Can’t exactly say their response was entirely uncalled for, then, but at the same time, Eric made a solid point. Why didn’t they just enter dance tournaments instead? You remember Eric going to compete in a whole ton of them between Force and Triple Z, the dance crews he was in with Felix and Wooyoung and Mingi respectively.

Force since disbanded with Felix’s departure since he acted as the glue that held the crew together, the other members closer with him than each other, while Triple Z still meets up sometimes, but a lot more casually than they used to now that most of them aren’t studying anymore, and have a lot less free time working to pay rent. Especially with the Battle of the Bands coming up, you don’t expect they will be doing anything big for a while now. At least that meant Eric finally stopped overworking himself between all his commitments.

You think about the week prior he spent learning a whole new medium of dance just to prove a point, and you quickly retract that thought.

“I think I know just what he needs,” you speak up, the puzzle clicking together in your head one piece at a time. “Not just what he needs, what this competition needs. An even match.”

“An even match?” San echoes, and you nod, noting the way he looks slightly disheartened, but you continue before he can think that the band isn’t a worthy competitor to the current reigning group.

“An even playing field, I mean. They’re doing something completely different to everyone else; that’s why they’re winning, because they can’t be compared to anyone else. We just need to give them something to compare to. Another dance group. Four of us are already some form of dancer, and the rest of you are fit and fast learners. If we spend the next week on the grind, we can make a dance performance out of one of the old tracks Kevin or Mingi produced for Force or Triple Z that never got used– and if we let Eric run this little boot camp, he hopefully will feel like he’s in control of the situation again and that we still value his opinions and role on the team.”

“So... your vote is basically plagiarism then,” Wooyoung snorts, crossing one leg over the other with a playful flourish, almost kicking you in the face in the process. “I’m interested. In fact, if we want to really boot camp this, we should all take the week off work. I think I can help cover the costs that may arise from that one.”

“No way!” San gasps, eyes quickly widening while the rest of you glance around at each other, not getting the memo. “Don’t tell me that sugar daddy you were talking to is actually legit...?”

“More than legit,” Wooyoung preens, evidently rather proud of himself. “I found out how to squeeze even more dough out of him. He loves seeing me in fancy designer brands, he has no idea I just stole half of it and have been using the generous allowance he gave me to spoil Mingi instead and buy other sorts of useless shit and necessities. So I just pretend I’m this fashionista diva who only wants to wear the most exclusive of designer, and even with all the money he’s giving me, it doesn’t give me the connections to get limited edition pieces from exclusive collections... and he gets them for me, of course, and do you have any idea how much those kinds of things sell for?”

If there was one thing you always admired about Wooyoung, it was how clever that sly fox could be when it came to things like this. Trust Jung Wooyoung to milk rich old men for all they’re worth, but still not consider that microwaving rice three times would make it into a solid brick. The duality of man.

“Why haven’t you told us earlier?!” San seems almost offended, lips falling into a pout. “That’s huge! You’re basically rich now!”

“Ew, gross,” Wooyoung wrinkles his nose, “I’m not rich, I’m exploiting the rich. Big difference. Don’t lump me in with those bastards! I didn’t tell you all yet because I didn’t want to get my hopes up in case it was a scam or he ended up being dangerous, but... I think we’re in the clear now. I’m still going to pole dance because I love it and I don’t want my only source of income to be reliant on some old rich man’s whims, but I can afford to take a week off and pitch in for you guys too. I might have to leave periodically if he calls, though, but luckily I already know how to dance. I’ll catch up quick.”

“It’s a plan, then,” Kevin speaks up, and the relief it fills you with is immense; you were the most concerned about his reaction to the idea, as he was the least inclined to heavy physical activity out of all of you, but you figure you must have been underestimating him – he may be no dancer yet, but Gaga nights at the gay club have him vogueing like he is one. “We make our next stage a dance stage to rival theirs, and Eric gets to put us all through dance hell? Good thing I started working out…”

You look around the room for any signs of protest, but luckily enough, everyone seems to be on the same page. You see a particular spark in Wooyoung and Mingi’s eyes – for completely different reasons – that make you think this really is the right path to take.

“Going once, going twice… agreed, then!” You clasp your hands together, determined. “Someone pick a movie, and we can tell Eric when he feels like speaking with us calmly again.”

a/n: not gonna lie this might be one of my favourite chapters so far hehe those chan scenes were extremely fun to write. anyway if you havent already, let me know your thoughts thru this google form or even through an ask, either or can be anonymous if you want (tho if you want me to reply to your form responses, pls do sign off w ur @!) as always reblogs are always appreciated and im always down to talk in depth abt these characters if any questions or brainrot arises. LOL

[paintedoaktears]

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[demigoddessqueens]

Hope this request is okay but could you write something about an asexual reader who struggles with physical touch and how the members of vox machina would react to an s/o like that? Like maybe at first they shy away from holding hands, cuddling or kissing so they think the reader isn't interested but over time they are able to communicate their issues with touch and start to work their way up to cuddling and such? It's a bit awkward at first but they make it there eventually!

Didn't mean to write so much wow... if it's too much you could just write this prompt for Percy and Vax instead ❤ sorry for rambling on, love you and your writing and hope you're doing well!!

Awww! 🥹🥺 I love this idea!!

Percy

It’s not that he was adverse to it (Percy remembered the hugs of his family), but it felt different with you. He felt more than comfortable talking to you and Percy was just drawn to you. It stung him when the slightest touch made you flinch away. He didn’t want to confront you, less you be scared off more, but gave you the space you wanted even if it pained him. The night you told him was the greatest relief in years. “It’s not that I ever despised you Percy, I could never. But I’m not wholly used to—.” He gently cupped your hand in his, hanging on to every word. “Then we will work their together.”

Vax’ildan

You felt guilty pulling away from him, those eyes full of emotion looking at you imploringly. Vex’s sharp eyes followed you both when you walked away. Vax felt wounded when there was a tight smile on your face, but he accepted it only for so long. “Why do you hide away? It’s me.” You inhaled shakily before responding. The small effort to at least hold his hand did not go unnoticed by Vax. “I’m not—I’ve never had this, that. Something like this. Getting more used to it.” He smiled sadly, but knew it was something you shouldn’t face alone. A hand reached to bring your gaze to his. “And I want to help, to be there for you.”

[ursie]

I watched tlovm and I’m kinda disappointed they’re pushing Vax and Keyleth so hard?? Gilmore and Vex are right there? Like why make him Bi just to be heteronormative?

Ok so we’re going to explain a few things :

Vax and Keyleth are literally both canonically Bi (Keyleth is also on the asexual spectrum she’s Demi iirc)

Just Vax being Bi would make it impossible for them to be in a heteronormative relationship like..literally but both?? Anon. Learn what words mean

I understand wanting m/m and f/f rep but a canon bi4bi m/f couple is good Bi rep! It’s not bad nor is it something we actually see a lot (or at all?)

In a similar vein Percy and Vex are not a reductive m/f couple-aside from the fact they also cannot be heteronormative due to Percy being a Disabled man. (They are both Bi as well)

It’s a healthy and respectful relationship between a man and a woman it’s a genuinely good m/f relationship like again I get wanting same gender relationships (I’m literally gay) but being m/m or f/f isn’t always better nor is m/f always worse. A good relationship is down to their dynamic and writing. There are plenty of bad gay relationships in fiction and fandom to prove that

Also you can still ship Gilmore and Vax?? He has two hands??

And finally it’s important to note this is a adaption of a finished story. I suggest you look into the story to see if you’ll like it before dedicating anymore of your time to it (like we already know which couples will become canon like..no spoilers but like..yeah)

[essayofthoughts]

I mean, I’ll never tire of Percy discussions, so Percy for the HC ask game…

Sexuality HC: Biromantic demi/grey asexual. He needs trust - a fucklot of trust given his trauma - before he might find himself attracted to someone, but he can be attracted to someone regardless of gender. At the end of the day, he likes them.

That said, I think he has some poshboy hangups around same-sex attraction for a long time - not unlike Tary, honestly (as he says, they’re sheltered) - and I think that even once he gets used to the idea of same-sex attraction being absolutely fine not just as a “fine and magic and/or adoption can let you have heirs” kind of thing (largely due to the twins’ blatant bisexuality, almost certainly), I think he still has some hang-ups around anal sex in general both because of those hang-ups with same-sex attraction and also because of his studies in biology and nature so while he knows about the prostate he also thinks of the arse as for shitting and the idea of the two in one is something that makes him bluescreen and not in the good way.

Vex probably helps him through it, eventually, but I feel like it takes some time, becuase Percy overthinks basically everything.

Favorite ship(s): Perc’ahlia. I know I write an uncommon amount of Percy/Ripley but it is pretty much always with the endgoal of Percy/Vex. Because... Vex and Percy are good for each other. They help each other grow and recover. They love each other so dearly and utterly and tenderly - tender as the bruises they both each bear and god fuck but it’s good okay.

Brotp: Percy and Keyleth are just the fucking best, okay. I’ve already rambled about that in the Keyleth answer (albeit as why they’re a NOTP) so go Here for that to be elaborated.

Notp: Perc’ildan. Cass/Percy and Keyleth/Percy are the close seconds but the thing is Perc’ildan is more common and. I just cannot see it going anyway but catastrophically tits up. As in.

They might hook up because Percy’s exploring his sexuality and Vax can acknowledge a pretty face but neither of them is at all capable of Casual so it ends up becoming a Thing but they’re also such absolute opposites it catastrophically implodes with a massive, acrimonious break-up and that is then seething in the background if and when Perc’ahlia happens.

That’s how I see Perc’ildan going. In just about any universe. It’s not just the events of canon, it’s that Percy and Vax have diametrically opposed worldviews and while that’s what brings Percy and Keyleth and Vax and Keyleth together, those differing worldviews, it would just fuck with EVERYTHING with Vax and Percy together.

Happy HC: Percy spent some time sailing. Percy spent time on boats, with sailors when he was a traumatised, dissociating mess. Percy absolutely knows sea shanties.

Please consider Percy singing sea-shanties under his breath as he works. Please consider Pike, on her return from the Broken Howl, singing sea-shanties and everyone being adorably surprised when Percy joins in without thinking.

Please consider Pike using this in future because he always expects the others to pull this shit but never her.

Angsty HC: Percy absolutely still has small pieces of the bullets which killed him in his body. He knows where they are. He doesn’t tell anyone.

Random HC: I will die on this hill but Percy with acne scars.

Percy is kind of the ugly duckling of Vox Machina - Pike the lil angel, Scanlan so charming, Grog so hench, team half-elf... he’s the dowdy human amongst them all. And I feel like his particular pride, especially when its the love potion incident and as he says “Is it so hard to believe someone might be attracted to me?”, his self-deprecation with Vex - yeah I think he has acne scars. They’re faint by this point, nowhere near as obvious as his torture scars, but they’re there.

I also think he likes the buttflap pyjamas because they cover up so much more of him than regular pyjamas, including his torture scars and he hates showing those scars to other people, that reminder of when he was rendered down into this terrified, raw thing on Ripley’s table.

General opinion: I fucking love Percy as a character. If I met him in person within only a few minutes of meeting him I would want to punt him down a flight of stairs.

God he can be insufferable. God he’s such a well-crafted character. God damn you Taliesin Jaffe.

[a-driftamongopenstars]

Hi!! Hope you're doing well. ^^ Crow x Guardian fluff where one of the two (or both!) is asexual? I'm absolute garbage for ace content like discussing boundaries, confessions, coming out, confessing insecurities followed by fluff, a character discovering they're ace, etc. Btw I love the way you write the Destiny characters!! They're always true to their lore, but they never devolve into shallow stereotypes, and I love that. <3 Thanks!!

awww thank you so so much for kind words, anon 💞 I'm very glad you are enjoying my little fics, and I hope you also like this one for you! :D

also on ao3

Crow's chaotic footsteps measure the narrow wing of the H.E.L.M.. Glint hovers beside him, observing his anxious companion with a concerned eye.

"Breathe, Crow!" he advises with a polite hint of kindness in his voice.

"I do! And if I stop, I'm sure you will quickly fix that issue," Crow replies, and Glint's single eye rolls while Crow hides a sneaking smile in the corner of his lips. He does love to vex Glint, but his amusement is short-lived.

It happened yesterday. He and the Guardian kissed for the first time! And Crow remembers how much he loved it, a sweet and simple kiss, like kindling to warm his heart. But the Guardian's lips were heated and wanting, and he couldn't quite figure out how to say that it was not what his own lips needed.

So he didn't say anything.

A night worth of considerations, and Crow wants to bring that subject up again, yet hesitates. Ever since he arrived to the City, he often overheard conversations from other Guardians about nights spent in company of the others. Some recounted those nights in particular details, and Crow simply could not find relation to those ideas nowhere in his heart, mind or, as suggested, between his very legs.

It was not repulsion. Simply lack of need. Other needs.

He hears Glint's voice about to speak up, when the doors to the wing open and there stands the Guardian. A smile spreads across their face, and they deliver that they were just looking for Crow.

"And I was about to look for you," Crow replies softly as Glint bobs an excited greeting to the Guardian and dissipates to give them privacy.

The Guardian gently slides their hand in Crow's. He feels their warmth, the pleasant grasp, and it gives him courage. After all, of all the people he had the pleasure or displeasure to meet, it is the Guardian who accepted him as he is.

"Could we talk?"

And they do. They sit on the edge of the H.E.L.M. table, Crow's arms crossed. The Guardian sits beside him, waiting expectantly for Crow to speak.

"Last night when we kissed.. No, I mean to ask.. Well, you see, I know it is expected to be a part of a relationship but it's not quite what I want. Or need. Or, ah, I don't know how to explain."

The Guardian's hand squeezes his shoulder gently to reassure and to stop the escapade of anxious words from Crow's mouth.

"I don't want to have sex," Crow finally utters. "I suppose I don't mind it, but I don't need it or want it. I can offer a helping hand, but--"

The Guardian smiles even brighter. They bring Crow closer to themselves, neither pushing nor forcing, but inviting, and Crow melts. Their voice is of gentle reassurance that they set no expectations. That nothing will be forced. That Crow can have freedom of talking about all that worries him, no matter the topic.

Anxiety washes away with every kind word and relief settles in Crow's chest as the Guardian holds him. He permits himself to bring his arms up and draw the Guardian in a hug, too.

"Thank you for understanding me," he whispers, meaning all the things at once. He looks up, meeting the Guardian's gaze, and space closes between their lips.

The kiss is gentle, and in it Crow finds understanding and comfort and knowledge that he is heard.

[neopronounsmybelovaed]

Ve Pronouns History

For anon!

(Note: I couldn't find information on ve/vir in particular, so this is on the history of all variations of ve pronouns.)

The first known instance of any variation of "ve" pronouns (ve/ver in this instance) was in a May 1970 edition of Everywoman, a feminist magazine. Under the section Manglish, which talks about "example[s] of sexism in language and, if possible, a suggested antidote" in every issue.

The section complains about the usage of "he" as a generic pronoun, as it excludes women (and everyone else who doesn't use he/him), saying that the usage of the generic he leaves women submerged. Ve suggests that we add "ve" to the list of pronouns.

SUBJECT: he, she, it, ve

POSESSIVE: his, her, hers, it, its, vis

OBJECT: him, her, it, ver

The example paragraph using ve/ver read "A teacher must learn to listen. Ve must respect vis students' opinions. They must be important to ver."

In the next issue of the magazine, in the Manglish section on honorifics, ve writes "I see no reason why everyone, child and adult, female and male, can't use Pn. before vis first name when ve doesn't want to be addressed by it."

In the book Bone People by Keri Hulme (1984), the protagonist refers to a visitor of "intermediate sex" with ve/ver/vis pronouns, which she claims to have made up (the author may have invented them verself independently from everywoman, or have just taken the credit) on page 425.

Ve pronouns were also used to describe Akili, an "asexual" (note: in this context, the word doesn't mean "lacking sexual attraction" but "lacking physical sex") character in Greg Egan's 1995 book Distress. Like David Lindsay, Egan uses science fiction to explore gender and coins five different futuristic genders.

"Ve countersigned the permission form on the forensic pathologist’s notepad, then withdrew to a corner of the room."

"The pathologist’s assistant turned on ver."

"Vis T-shirt now read CREDIBILITY IS A COMMODITY."

A compilation of gender neutral pronouns in 2000 included several variations of "ve" pronouns, including ve/ver and ve/vir.

Ve/vir and ve/ver remained common enough to be included in groups of neopronouns along with ze, xe, ey, etc, but not common enough to have articles about them specifically. .26% of participants in the 2021 gender census use ve/ver. .1% use ve/vim, and .1% use ve/vir. 7 participants (rounds to 0%) use ve/vis. 3 use ve/ven, 3 use ve/vex. 2 use ve/hem, 2 use ve/ve. 1 person each use ve/va, ve/vamp, ve/vel, ve/vi, ve/vic, ve/vin, ve/vym, and ve/vyr.

Sources: ve/ver coining, pn honorific, analysis of the bone people, distress novel, gender neutral pronoun compilation, neopronouns explained, gender census- sorting neopronouns

[apricotheart]

@godrent​ said :  vex   /   for the funsies | (  if they had a kid  /  accepting !!  )

Name: Akumu (  悪夢 - japanese origin, meaning ‘ nightmare ’ ). Gender: Cis Female General Appearance: While she might resemble Anzu in general colouring, her overall features are sharp and angular like Bakura’s. Her eyes are considered her most “unsettling” feature, often appearing empty and reflective like a doll’s. She is quite short, standing at only 5′0 / 152 cm, and thin — possessing gangly limbs that sometimes appear awkward and too long for her body as she goes through puberty. Personality: Anti-social, rough around the edges, and often appearing to be disinterested. Akumu is the antithesis to Anzu’s bubbly, social nature. Akumu quickly comes across as someone to stear clear of because of the constant “mean” look she wears. In actuality, she’s really quite lonely and merely wants to guard herself from future hurts.  Special Talents: Tarot readings. Despite a lack of general spirituality in her household growing up, she quickly became interested in Tarot cards, and enjoys divining information about the past, present, and future. She also just thinks people’s reactions are hilarious when her readings hit a little too close to home. Who they like better: Bakura, if only because he isn’t overbearing. Who they take after more: While she definitely has some less than friendly attributes, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s because she takes after Bakura. Akumu has crafted her own identity, and as such, it’s hard to pin down her personality in the scope of Anzu’s or Bakura’s. Personal Head canon: Akumu identifies as Greyromantic Asexual. This means that she very very rarely feels romantic attraction towards others and has little to no interest in sexual activity. Face Claim: Hori Kyouko

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Chain of Iron theories: the adopted baby

Here is another hot discussion topic in the fandom. CC has hinted that their will be a special baby, and that they will need to be adopted. So Questions, who is giving a baby up and why? I am assuming that this is a Shadowhunter baby. I cannot see either Hypatia Vex or Kellington who party, operate a secret saloon, and take pleasure in seducing interesting artistic individuals deciding to devote themselves to parenthood. Woosley Scott is set to show up, but their is no way he wants to adopt. Every other downworlder has appeared in the future and never made reference to having raised a baby. So which shadowhunters in this series of so many parents, children, and would be couples are looking to adopt? We know that shadowhunters adoption program isn’t perfect; Ariadne being adopted by an elderly white couple who know nothing about Indian culture and Tatiana somehow being allowed to adopt Grace despite the fact that she is aggressive, clearly insane, and famously unable to care for the one child she gave birth to. But I want to hold on to hope that whoever this little baby is their story will end happily with being given a nice home and family. My Theories

Anna and Ariadne  adopt Eugenia’s baby. (retracted)

  This was my original theory. In COG2 we learnt that Eugenia temporarily left home because of some scandal no one really wants to talk about. It apparently involved her and some guy being caught in a “compromising position” after which said guy could have saved things by asking to marry her but did not? ??? This led many people to believe she and this guy had been immanent and that she might now be pregnant., but unable to raise the baby on her own. So she would give it up for adoption. Eugenia’s older sister Barbara had an understanding with a very nice gentleman named Oliver and kept trying to get Oliver to purpose. I wondered if maybe a reason Barbara was in such a rush to marry is she was hoping for her and Oliver to adopt Eugenia’s baby and pass them off as theirs. Now that both Barbara and Oliver are sadly deceased Eugenia would need to look into finding new  parents to take he unborn child. Well spoilers relating to Eugenia state that despite having different interests and hobbies, she and Anna get along well. She also is set to become friends with Ariadne. Ariadne who really wanted to be a mom. So I thought that if Eugenia was pregnant and looking to give her child up for adoption then maybe she would ask Anna and Ariadne to adopt her baby. That had the potential to be sweet.

  But we have gotten more information now, and surprise surprise, people jumped the gun to quick on what happened with Eugenia. While we still do not know what the scandal was, it is hinted to have been way less extreme/serious than premarital intimacy, and she is very unlikely to be pregnant. I am now hoping that her ex got into a fight with some other guy, she stepped in to hit the other guy with a parasol, and her ex got embarrassed about having to be saved by her and broke up with her. Something that shows the guy was a real loser.

Elias puts Baby Carstairs up for adoption

  In COG2 we got a huge surprise that Sona was pregnant with her third child, unexpected as the family tree only lists her and Elias as having two children. Well actually actually the Carstairs family line is tree has parts of it that “Were lost to time”. So something clearly happened. Jem was clearly hiding something.

   This pregnancy was clearly unplanned and does present some worry’s. For starters Sona is well past the age where it easier/safest for women to give have children. She was already starting to have a difficult time with it during COG2 when she finally confessed to Cordelia that she was about 3 months along. This means that she will be about 7 months along (almost ready to give birth) when we pick up again in COI. Well in the early chapter read Alastair said that his mother has been put on Bed rest with her husband staying by her side and silent brothers monitoring her. This does not sound good. Several people have theorized that even with the brothers help, she will not make it through childbirth. Now lets talk about the babies father Elias Carstairs. Elias Carstairs is even older than his wife. He spent his youth traveling the world (I read a tweet that said he has even gone between dimensions before) leading special expeditions and hunting rare and powerful demons. This sounds grand, but it was a grueling life that left him physically and emotionally scared. Tragically the Clave does not recognize mental health as a need, so they do not provide any kind of therapy or treatment for those who become traumatized. Like many poor soldiers throughout American history Elias was there for the Clave when they needed his help but it that help was not reciprocated at the end. The only comfort he found was at the bottom of the bottle. It took Elias until he was already in his 40′s to start a family, and he has struggled with being able to take care of himself enough to act as a father to the two children he and Sona have already raised. Elias is 63. He is sad and tired, and struggling to keep a handle on his sobriety. This child was unplanned. I have read tweets that show he is at least trying to support Sona, but CC reveals he is questioning if or if not he can really do this a third time. If Sona dies there is no way Elias can raise this child himself. I won’t fault him if he makes that choice, it might be the most loving thing he can do.

   Who would adopt the little guy. Well the most common theory is that Alastair and Thomas would become his new dads. Now the family tree does suggest that both Alastair and Thomas are dads in the future. It also doesn’t list the names of either of their spouses (I am guessing neither had wives) so their is nothing to suggest that they do not live together raising a group of adopted children. Given the way the Cave feels about homosexual parents that could also be why Jem “lost” the records. I will not deny Thomstair becoming adopted parents is plausible, but I am not completely sure that baby Carstaris is who they will adopt. Babies are hard, they are a lot of work, and I am not convinced either Alastair or Thomas will be up to it. Look at Alastair. He is not exactly in a good place at the start of COI, and whenever fans ask CC if Alastair will make any friends she always reply that he won’t until he learns how to speak nicely to people and to be there for them when they need him. Honestly that is a thing he struggles with. He obviously loves Cordelia, but he totally pulled an  Queen Elsa on her where he shut the door and shut her out for roughly 7 years of their lives, leaving her as alone as Anna was. He claims to have loved Charles but the pair spend most of COG arguing because Alastair wants Charles to spend all his time with him and Charles is struggling to balance his promotion, his public reputation, and Alastair (Important I am not saying it was wrong for Alastair to be upset about Charles engagements or to break up with him. I am just saying it seems like Charles did try to see Alastair as much as he could, and Alastair trying to pin all his emotional needs on one person, who already had so much going on, was unfair). On Thomas side well lets just say he has a lot of mixed up and complicated feeling of his own he needs to work out before he will be able to be in a healthy relationship let alone raise a child.

  If Thomstair aren’t able to take care of Baby Carstairs I bet I know a long time married, long time Carstairs loving couple, who would be happy to take the little guy in and have enough resources, experience, and love to give him a great life. Hey in the future Tessa says she has kept watch over three families: the Herondales, the Carstairs, and the Blackthorns. The Herondales and the Blackthorns are her and Will’s grandchildren. If she were watching the Carstairs because they were once her friends wouldn’t she also watch out for the Fairchilds and Lightwoods?

Blackthorn Babies with Mundane and Shadowhunter mommies and daddies

  (Okay this is one will involve some hopping around and several references to the family tree, so stay with me people, stay with me.) We aleady know Jem made some changes to this line. Lucie is not 12, she is 16. Tatiana is probably not going to live another 15 years. Also the tree said that Jesse dies 59, yet he actually died at 17. But future wife Lucie wants to resurrect him... which is highly illegal and should she be successful she will probably face terrible repercussions. Jesse also might not be able to live as a shadowhunter after being brought back. So even if we don’t want it, for the sake of this theory lets assume that upon Jesse’s resurrection both he and Lucie are banished and become a mundane pianist and writer. Let’s assume they also get married and have children. In order for the TDA Blackthorns to be shadowhunters at least one of Jucie’s kids would have to become a shadowhunter and move to the shadow world. I feel like Luce and Jesse would be willing to let their kids go in that case. That was all Jesse wanted growing up and Lucie is Will’s daughter. The children would just need someone they could stay with.

  Now lets hop to the Lightwood family line. According to the tree Christopher and Grace get married (Grace is also listed as a Cartwright so was her adoption overturned and she rejoined her bio family?) and continue the Lightwood line down to TMI. Grace and Christopher are set up to bond  (over science) and many fans are willing to believe that they are an endgame ship. But fans are also doubting that they are the ancestors of the TMI lightwoods.  For one thing Christopher is heavily coded to be asexual; and Grace herself seems to have a very.... twisted and warped view of physical acts. So now lets say Grace is somehow saved from punishment over Jesse’s resurrection or because of her past trauma is given a lighter sentence. Lets say Gracetopher really do get married. if they got married they probably will apt out of having children; at least biological children.

   Christopher has a younger brother , Alexander Lightwood, who seems like a much more likely candidate to continue his family line. Alex has been noted to have those dark blue eyes that while once a Herondale trait later become a Lightwood trait. He shares a first name one of TMI’s most prominent characters, and that is just about the only way baby Alex could have relevance to the story given that he is way to young to help out in the war. If Alexander Lightwood the first is one who carried on the Lightwood line why are his descendants listed under his brother and sister in laws names?

   Well way back before the CC launched TLH I remember her posting a tweet that said Grace could become an ancestor of either the Herondale or the Blackthorn line. This upset a lot of people who thought that it meant that Grace may have a baby with either James or Jesse. (No, just NO!!!) But what if instead of Grace having a baby with Jesse, She and Christopher adopt one of Jesse and Lucie’s babies so that that baby could be raised as a shadowhunter? I could see Grace and Christopher doing do: they each love one of the respective parents and are set get to know the other. The only good thing about Tatiana adopting Grace was she got Jesse as a brother. Should she ever recover from having Tatiana as an adoptive mother I could see her becoming very critical of other adoptions and refusing to allow Jesse’s children to potentially end up like she did. I am in love with a head cannon I have that Christopher will become a science professor at the academy. If Lucie and Jesse have to leave the shadow world, and they have to give up their children then I want to imagine that child living in Malec’s future academy suit with Shadowhunter mommy and daddy Gracetopher while they secretly get gifts and send letters to their mundane mommy and daddy Juice. (It is the least CC can do for the pain reading about that potential exile would cause me.)