#very very sorry for the long wait!

[darknessandbeans]

The fateful return.

[panthermouthh]

Where Johnny goes, the Devil follows; where Johnny goes, the Devil is already there.

Based on "A cornstalk fiddle" by the incredible @notbecauseofvictories

Finally finished this comic after months of zero progress. I adore this story and think about it often, and am so happy to finally be able to share this fan work with you. I hope you all enjoy!

[gotchibam]

Venusaur, Poliwhirl, and Smeargle late ko-fi doodle for Meg!

[thependancer]

An analysis of the voices in Moment of Clarity

Before we get into the analysis, a little note:

1- I am mostly trying to show how the trauma has affected each voice compared to them on their normal routes. If they have deviations in other chapters and I have stated them as trauma responses, correct me.

2- I tried my best but some voices are just difficult 😭. So sorry if I couldn't give a satisfying explanation to your favourite.

Without further ado, let's begin:

Firstly, it should be noted that what exactly happened after you decided to stay with The Nightmare is something not even the voices themselves are sure about. But what we do know is that whatever the events were they were horrific. The voices have tried everything up to this point except freeing her. And since nothing was working and it was only making things worse, they are effectively useless now. Even the Narrator acknowledges that they are all extremely traumatized.

So let's see how these voices handle trauma.

1) The Voice of the Broken:

The voice of the Broken has shown incredible resilience and empathy in the past. And in this route he is somehow even more broken. He is also on the "Free the Princess" team, however he only wants to do it because he wants this misery to end. He has the most interesting explanation as to why we(the player) can't remember being here through all those lifetimes.

"Maybe you're shattered in your own way."

Ding Ding Ding. We've found the trauma response. The Broken has been shattered more than he already was. His will and empathy have run out. Where once he probably tried accepting the Princess, the Princess just shattered them further. He just wants to be done with it. As he says, "She smashes us to smaller pieces."

2) The Voice of the Cheated:

The voice of the cheated is the only voice to comment on the absurdity of us having so many voices. And he says it as if he's complaining about it. It's the only thing he can really do in that situation really. The Cheated does NOT like losing. But after complaining for so long and ultimately getting no where, he just accepts defeat at this point.

"It doesnt matter what we do. Because we always find her. And if we don't find her, she always finds us."

Subsequently he is on the "I don't fucking care what happens anymore" team. That isn't to say he doesn't want this to end. He does but he has just given up on trying to 'win' and get an ending. Effectively he wants to quit now. And he doesn't care if it's by completing the game or hitting alt+f4.

3) The Voice of the Smitten:

The voice of the Smitten has an interesting trauma response. The relation here is almost parallel to the relation Broken has with The Tower, except somehow worse. Smitten is incapable of seeing faults in the Princess. And when questioned if we really do love her after all shes done to us he tries to justify his love by saying

"To be given an ounce of kindness from something so pure would be more pure than any other love."

After we say that the voices in our head are wrong, he replies

"She is the ONLY THING that's right."

The Smitten is heartbroken. He's like that ex you broke up with but he still texts 'I love you' every night. Except the Princess has probably toyed with the Smittens love. But the Smitten can't not love her. So he decides he must become good enough to earn the love of "our cruel and beautiful godess". And the only way to do that is to free her. He doesn't want freedom he wants affection.

4) The Voice of the Hunted:

The Hunted was already one of the weaker voices mentally. Here he's just completely silent. He has like 6 lines the whole route. Which is only 1 more than the Stubborn. The Hunted is scared. He is almost paranoid. He doesn't even tell us to do this or that. He doesn't even comment on the mirror.

I personally feel Hunted was so broken that like a scared animal he decided it was better to hide. He does speak out in agreement to Cold when he says we sealed our fate by not killing her. Interestingly, the response is very minimal. Primitive even.

"Kill or be killed."

Which if you know Hunted, is not a normal response. He usually wants to run or hide. He never wants to kill, just survive. But here he says it would have been better to just kill. So whatever Nightmare did has made Hunted go from run to hide to kill or be killed. Wow! This is like prey animal that when cornered will just lash out in violence if they have no other choice. And that's exactly what Hunted is.

Now we start getting into some really interesting deviations.

5) The Voice of the Opportunist:

The voice of the Opportunist is so unbelievably broken its unreal. First thing to note is he already has an opinion. Secondly, he defends his own opinion. That isn't very opportunistic. He doesn't even flip flop like in his other routes. He's so different in this one, almost as if he's gained empathy as a response to trauma. He eve tries to comfort other voices like the Broken.

"You did your best really. There's just a pecking order."

And he is the only voice who tries explaining to Skeptic why his constant questions are bothering them. He does it in a positive way as well.

"They're good questions. Great questions even. But they just don't have any answers."

And he clearly doesn't care what the others think about him at this point. He's also the few voices that have some semblance of sense. Like when Cold tells them to be unfeeling, Oppy says,

"He's not wrong. He's the only smart one left if you ask me."

Again a very different opinion from the rest of the voices that deem Cold to be a nuisance. He's in the minority here. And yet when you return and start making choices, he's so relieved.

"I'm sure whatever you settle on, it'll be the best possible decision you could've made."

The reason he's relieved is because there is someone actually in control. There is a decision maker he can agree with. Finally, someone to try and suade. But this is still the most resolute we've ever seen him.

6) The Voice of the Stubborn:

He is probably the most fed up with everyone else's bullshit. Interestingly though on this route he isn't urging us to face the Princess. The only route where he isn't in a hurry to reach the cabin. He has completely lost the spirit to fight. If you got knocked out, this Stubborn could not revive you. He still wants to get physical, just can't. Who's he supposed to fight? The Princess? That's already been tried. The other voices? Now that's an idea.

"Shut up. You {Contrarion} were here."

Fight me. It's right there he wants Contrarion to punch him so he can punch him.

"Ugh. Here you {Skeptic} go philosophising again. It never goes anywhere."

I'm mocking you what you gonna do about it? Fight me. But it's hopeless. He can't even be bothered to instigate a fight anymore. But he's the macho man. What will the others think of him if he isn't aggresive? The truth is others don't really care. But he does. So he says to smash the mirror. Partly cause he wants to feel the spark of a fight again, partly cause that's what others expect of him.

7) The Voice of the Paranoid:

He is STRESSED. To the point he's constantly thinking about the Princess. He only has one goal in mind. Free the Princess. Escape. Get out of here. Make the thoughts stop!!!!

Such a precious broken boi. He just wants peace. He states,

"(Freeing her) It's the only way to get our thoughts back."

He can also feel eyes on him. Not sure if that's just Para being Para or due to trauma. But he is growing restless because of it.

"She's watching us. She never stops watching us."

He also doesn't talk much. Like he's scared the princess will hear him. He was always quiet but he's unnaturally quiet. He also really really wants to free the Princess. Overall he's Paranoid, can't think about anything except wanting to free the Princess so he can have his thoughts back.

8) The Voice of the Contrarion:

Contrarion has always been a nihilist. Nothing matters so let's just have fun cue laughter. However, here we can't really have fun. So his attitude becomes, nothing matters cue laughter. Which just makes him seem so sad.

"There's no difference between fine and not fine. It just goes on and on."

We know that Contrarion does hate himself. But here he's trying so hard to hide it here. He does not want to look at himself. He doesn't even want to think about himself. When Skeptic starts to question identity. He's also been asked this before but he would rather look away than look at himself.

"Yes this is far from the first time you've asked us about consciousness. (In a mocking tone) 'Who am I?', 'What am I?'; (Angrily) What is 'I'? Who even cares."

The Nightmare has broken him so much but he'd rather ignore it. When the voices are telling us what to do with the mirror in the cabin, he says

"Just go around it."

He's so done with himself. He doesn't even want to look at himself. He thinks that the most disgusting thing he could see HIMSELF. Not only this he tries to dodge almost every question we pose.

"What does here even mean if you think about it?"

He doesn't want to acknowledge anything even remotely related to him. Where was I? It doesn't matter, nobody really cares about me.... atleast I don't.

9) The Voice of the Cold:

The voice of the Cold has barely been affected. Makes sense. But what's interesting about him is he has actually been affected. He either doesn't know or he is purposely ignoring it. He has become more irritable. He develops a form of empathy. He has some pity.

" I've tried to keep them numb but they are all too soft. A shame, really."

That doesn't sound like the backseat driver Cold we know? Cold wants to help the other voices but he well can't.

"You're lucky you haven't been stuck here like the rest of them. There's no other way to keep going. You either need to forget or you need to stop feeling much of anything. They can't do either."

The Cold tried to help them. But the nature of the voices doesn't let them be helped. Cold is severely disappointed because of this. He even blames the player for ending up in this position when he says,

"You sealed our fate when you refused to kill her."

He just wants the player to make decisions independent of the voices. He's seen what they all do. He sees that it always ends in losses. He thinks the player was there when the other voices were having a try. He thinks the player was just listening to their requests.

"You always give too much space to others. It's why you always lose."

He is also the chattiest in this route. He also has many lines where he just tells us to be unfeeling. He's trying to protect us as well. But he's also bored. And he just wants it to end because he's bored.

10) The Voice of the Skeptic:

Possibly the most broken of the bunch. He is TRAUMATIZED. Normally, Skeptic is the most grounded. He's the guy who always has a plan. But here? He's useless. He realises this. And just breaks. He can't answer any question. How many times have we been here?

"Many many many many times."

Skeptic, wheres the numbers? Was I here?

"Are you your memories? Or are you the one perceiving the present moment?"

For someone who really loves answers, he sure doesn't seem to have any. The most logical voice being turned completely insane. He can't accept anything.

"Can we love something that hates us? Can we love something that hurts us?"

He's trying to distract himself. He doesn't want to think about the situation. He doesn't want to THINK. That's so bizarre. The Nightmare has broken Skeptic so much he doesn't want to do the one thing he loves to do. In fact when we reach the Long Quiet his first words are,

"I can finally think again."

11) The Voice of the Hero:

The voice of the Hero has a reaction that would make anyone furious at the nightmare for what she did to our boy. Hero is normally jocund, enthusiastic, understanding, and overall lovely. But here he is depressed. He doesn't talk much which is unusual. He always has something to say. But he's just so defeated. When the Narrator tells you the only thing you can do is go to the cabin, Hero replies

"Or you could just give up."

Hero says that. Not Broken. Hero. Our Hero. The one who is always encouraging us through our journey. The one we can trust no matter the circumstances. Our best friend. This line is the most terrifying part of Moment of Clarity. If we had any optimism going in, it had left us in this moment.

"You're lucky. What I would give to be able to forget."

Please someone comfort our boy. He deserves all the chocolates in the world.

In the Long Quiet

Once you reach the Long Quiet the voices seem to ease up a little. They see death within arms reach and think it a mercy. As Hero puts it:

"Something tells me this is the end of the line, but I don't feel bad about it. I'm ready."

Which is a striking contrast to his usual plea to not look at it. His fear of death is converted to a longing of it. Which could be seen as a another proof of why the Narrator's utopia is wrong. Because people who have lived a nightmare long for change and even death. And so he is at ease.

The Broken says,

"It feels okay."

Which is huge for our boi. Broken never feels alright. He is always sad or depressed. Something is always not okay with him. But after living through a nightmare, things finally seem okay. And so he is at ease.

The Paranoid says

"The fear's gone."

Again an amazing development. Paranoid always feels watched, and he's scared of who it is and why is he being watched. But in his final moments, living through a nightmare, he realises that the fear has no place in him anymore. And so he is at ease.

The Stubborn says,

"I'm done fighting."

This statement is a confession. He had long lost the spark for a fight, but here he can finally admit it. He doesn't want to fight anymore. He doesn't want to resist anymore. He wants to let go, and he does. And so he is at ease.

The Smitten says

"My heart feels quiet."

The fire of passion is fierce. And here it burns the Smitten. He wanted affection. He desired a connection with the Princess. His heart was incapable of doing anything but. Now as he is unraveled, his passion is extinguished. His heart is quiet. He never did get the affection he desired but realised he didn't need it. And so he is at ease.

The Cheated says,

"The game was always going to end."

For him, this is an ending screen for a rage game. He hated the experience the whole way through. He constantly faced losses. But he persevered. And so he found the ending. After all, no matter how extensive the game was, it was always going to end. He is glad he didn't quit. He got to see the ending. And so he is at ease.

The Cold says,

"I'll be free of all of you."

The worst part about this nightmare wasn't the nightmare itself. It was the fact it was hurting the ones around him. They got hurt abd yet he was as unfeeling as ever. He knew he had to be right. After all, wasn't he the only sane one left? Now as death approaches, he doesn't have to help carry the burden of others. And so he is at ease.

The Skeptic says,

"I'm ready for the truth."

The Skeptic was thoroughly broken throughout this experience. A man of reality shatters when reality shatters. And the thinker's response to doubt is to seek. But no answers were present in the nightmare. Now there is something that is very clear in purpose. Something easy to test. The mirror is death? Alright then let's see the truth. There are answers again. And so he is at ease.

The Hunted says,

"I'm ready to sleep."

An animal who has tried everything to protect itself and failed over and over again. A wounded creature who was pushed to his limits. But he is very tired now. He tried his very best. Yet it seems death is inevitable. He has remained vigilant and fearful throughout the nightmare. Now he feels safe enough to rest. And so he is at ease.

The Contrarion says,

"I'm just ready to be anywhere that isn't here."

The nightmare had shown him how low of a person he could be. He has come to associate that version of himself with those wretched circumstances. As he leaves that place behind he leaves behind his self hatred. He wants to get on with it already. He finds esteem in himself and his voice now echoes with joy and pride. And so he is at ease.

The Opportunist says,

"Boys..... it's been an honour."

The one who has never experienced true connection. The one who is constantly at odds with himself and everyone. Throughout the nightmare he garners genuine connection and empathy. He realises that the ones he should truly support are those that he loves not those that are the top of a pecking order. He finally finds that connection in this moment with the others. And so he is at ease.

And so they are at ease.

[zuzu-draws]

So after the spoilers for Chap 257 dropped, I saw some tweets clarifying the meaning of the Kanji Sukuna used in the chapter when referring to his mother, and the overall reveals in the chapter got me thinking.

I’m making this post as a way of gathering my thoughts, personal speculations and where I think all of this connects to Sukuna’s character and the information Gege has given us over the years. Nothing I say is by any means new information, but like I said, I’m just collecting my thoughts here. By the way, just a warning, this post contains SPOILERS for the JJK Manga! If you don’t like that, please don’t read this!

Something I’ve noticed is that the theme of “Hunger” and symbolism of “Cooking/Food” is heavily referenced with Sukuna throughout the Manga. Gege in a previous Fanbook has disclosed Sukuna’s favorite Hobby to be “Eating”.

This theme is again very much ingrained within Sukuna’s cursed techniques and even his Domain Expansion, the “Malevolent Shrine”. With his two main techniques being “Dismantle” and “Cleave” are cutting-type attacks. He is also able to use a Flame-Arrow, and Fire is essential for making Food. The Shrine in his Domain Expansion literally has mouths on all sides, looking eager to chew down anything in-front of them!

This symbolism also heavily influences Sukuna’s own manner of speech, and the way he speaks to other characters in the series as well. With his post-fight chat with Jogo before his death, Sukuna mentions Jogo lacking the “Hunger” to take control of his desires, preventing him from reaching the heights of Gojo Satoru. Before the Start of their fight in Shinjuku, Sukuna called Gojo a “Nameless Fish on top of his cutting board”, and that he was going to start by “Peeling off the scales”(refering to Gojo’s infinity). There’s also further symbolism that supports this by analyzing the Kanji and meaning of Sukuna’s “Malevolent Shrine” but I’m not very educated on that so I won’t be opening that point here.

What all of this points to is that Eating and Food……is extremely important to Sukuna, to the point that it literally affects him in manners innumerable.

Eating is an instinct, a necessity for the survival of every single living being.

And In the face of extreme Hunger and starvation, even those with the strongest will could lose their Humanity and revert to the basic animalistic side of their existence. (The Heian Period also had a Famine, although I believe the timing to be a bit off, but do with this info as you see fit)

In JJK Chapter 257, it is revealed to us that Sukuna and his Twin were most likely starving in the womb of their starving mother.

On the brink of starvation, Sukuna had to consume his “other self”(his twin), so that he could survive.

Btw, this tweet and this thread gives additional characterisation to Sukuna:

Link to the original thread: Link.

More context (and reactions :P):

Link to original thread: Here

This reveals to us that indeed, Sukuna was born a twin. And as we all know, “Twins” are seen with extreme scrutiny in Jujutsu Society, they’re not well liked. This too in a period where Cursed Spirits and Jujutsu Sorcery was at its peak, it is not far-fetched to assume that his Mother may not have been treated very well by the people in her surroundings, especially as she bore twins.

When Kashimo asks if Sukuna was born the Strongest or if he made himself the Strongest, this is the response Sukuna gave to him:

When you think about it, how do you think the people around them would have reacted when the woman: who was supposed to birth two twins, gave birth to a single child instead? and that child had consumed his other twin in the womb itself?

No doubt people would’ve been horrified, disgusted and even revulsed. With the woman and her newborn child.

This would’ve led to their further ostracisation in the already very close-minded society. Unable to fend for herself and her newborn child, it must’ve been difficult for Sukuna’s mother to survive. I feel like somewhere along the line, Sukuna was left alone to fend for himself at an extremely young age. To protect himself from both Curses and Society alike.

This is why I believe Sukuna knows what true starvation, weakness and hunger feels like. Both in the emotional and literal sense. He was left without another person caring about him or his well-being, in a cut-throat period where it was “Fight or be killed”.

Powerful curses roamed all across Japan, nowhere was safe. Simply be strong, or you'll die. There's no room for weakness. And initially, a kid!Sukuna was weak, as anyone would be in the beginning when they're just starting out in this world. (and maybe, he didn't have much to eat, leading to long periods of starvation? :') )

I believe it is this debilitating hunger, and feeling of weakness that eventually led to Sukuna’s current Hedonistic mindset.

He’s essentially traumatised by it, and believes that it was his own weakness that led him to experience this sheer starvation. That he deserved to feel this way because he was weak then. Perhaps, the people around him were right, that as long as they have the power and strength to overcome anything, they’re free to do as they please; And there is nothing anyone else could do about it.

I feel like the irony here is that Sukuna himself, must’ve been a “weakling” before eventually rising the ranks to become History’s Strongest Sorcerer. This is also why he values Strength so much.

Ultimately, Sukuna has decided that there was nothing more important than being strong enough to fulfill your own desires. And “eating” is one of his most important desires. It’s his favourite thing to do, the one he derives the most pleasure out of. And like an animal, whose main focus is to consume, consume and consume. He too, simply consumes.

Most morals likely have no meaning to him. He doesn’t care who he hurts, what he does, as long as he’s able to get what he wants. And this isn’t limited to eating.

This is why people referring to Sukuna as a “Natural Disaster” is so befitting of him. Because Natural Disasters also don’t care about what or who they’re destroying, they just come and go, wreaking havoc appropriate for their nature and magnitude.

I believe Sukuna himself has said lines similar in nature, when talking to Kashimo:

Now I’m not sure how Sukuna perceives or even experiences this “Love”, because I think he has a rather very warped idea of it. I do think that this definition of love is similar to the one that Gojo also understands, but I don’t think he knows what “love” truly is. I’m not sure how I could comment on this, but I do think that Sukuna’s emotionally starved, whether he realises that or not.

Because, like Kashimo himself asked Sukuna “What is the point of dividing your soul into 20 different parts and then traversing across time if you’re satisfied with this?” we do not know the answer to that yet.

But many people have speculated that “Black Box” panels in JJK manga represent a curse (either self-inflicted or put by someone) on the speaker. Like, take a look over here where Sukuna reiterates the same dialogue, except it looks like he’s trying to reassure himself:

This once again shows that Sukuna has only ever strived for himself, in the same hedonistic fashion, to a very very extreme degree. It is possible that he's been lacking something, and he himself does not realise that he’s lacking it. Maybe it was this subconscious feeling, that led to Sukuna agreeing to Kenjaku’s plan of dividing his soul into 20 different parts, and to traverse across time as a Cursed Object.

Sukuna’s an incredibly complex character, and I’m excited to see where this goes. Gege has put extra care in the way he characterizes and depicts Sukuna, and again, I’m really sad that a lot of that characterization gets lost in translation. Still, I’m going to try my best to understand and get the most accurate feel of his character as I possibly can.

If you made it this far, Thank you for reading! And if you would like, please do leave a comment in the tags or replies because I would love to read what other people think of this and just Sukuna in general. I do not see a lot of people doing critical analysis of him, and a lot of his actions are seemingly swept under the rug. I don’t like that, so hopefully this contributes to people focusing more on Sukuna and his character. (/^v^)/ <3

[nocofamilyau]

man how messed up is he? (3/24)

[medi-bee]

isat pokemon au, my liege?

my rambling in tags

[littlestarbigsky]

i took a poll like a week ago on which wip i should finish and this is what the collective decided :)

first of all, this is much longer than i thought it would be lol but also ngl i almost wrote this as chetcherrycola but fear not cherrycola is alive and well in this one🫡 (looking back she’s hardly in it at all lol but trust she is there‼️)

… soda has appendicitis :p

“where’s your brother?” darry asked ponyboy as he slumped down at the kitchen counter, pulling a piece of toast onto a plate from the platter in the middle of the counter and starting to butter it.

pony pointed to their room, “still in bed. think he’s getting sick, he was burning like a furnace all last night.”

one side of darry’s mouth pulled back and he hummed, “i’ll go check on him. i cut up some of the fruit, you should have some of it before you go.”

“fine,” pony rolled his eyes, taking the serving spoon and putting some of the strawberries onto his plate next to his toast.

“pepsi-cola, it’s almost 7, time to rise and shine!” darry called, wiping his hands on the dish towel thrown over his shoulder and pushing the bedroom door open with his hip.

the room felt stiflingly hot, whether or not that had to do with soda potentially being sick or with the temperature outside finally starting to warm up again, darry wasn’t sure. either way, soda had the covers pulled up over his head.

“soda, c’mon…” darry yanked the sheet back, and his heart dropped clean into his stomach.

soda was laying on his side, drenched in sweat and as pale as the sheet he was tangled up in. his eyes were squeezed shut from the pain and he was desperately clutching his stomach. darry could hear his breath hitching in his throat, his asthmatic lungs trying to compensate for the crying. he flinched as darry pulled the sheet back and looked up at him with the most desperate and terrified eyes darry had ever seen.

“soda…” darry dropped to his knees next to the bed and brushed some of the hair off of soda’s sweaty forehead. “baby, what’s the matter?”

“i don’t know,” soda gasped, and even that seemed like it took far too much effort for comfort. he let out a strangled sounding sob and curled in on himself even tighter.

“hey hey kiddo, look at me, please,” darry grabbed soda’s face and almost had to pull his hands back when he felt the fever. “jesus christmas, pepsi, you’re on fire.”

“please,” soda pleaded, and it broke darry’s heart clean in two. “i don’t know what’s happening, dar, please, it hurts…”

“i know, i know, it’s okay,” darry was already standing up to get his boots on and round up ponyboy to take soda to the hospital. “just hang on for a second, we’re gonna get you help.”

he sprinted from the room to his own, grabbing the first pair of shoes he could find and racing to get them on.

“pony!” he roared, and pony hurried into his room, still with the blanket over his shoulders but at least in his day clothes. “go get my keys and start the truck, we’re taking soda to the hospital.”

“what? what’s wrong with him? can we even afford a hospital?” pony asked, his words slurring slightly with sleepiness.

“ask me that once we get soda help, alright?” darry huffed, finishing tying his boots and sprinting past pony and into their room to get soda.

he grabbed a blanket to wrap soda up in and got to lifting him into his arms. it was no easy task, it seemed like moving soda even the littlest bit was excruciating, but after a few minutes and many muttered apologies, darry managed to maneuver him up and into his arms. he could feel soda shaking and sobbing as he sprinted to the truck.

ponyboy had the truck running and was in the passenger seat, waiting for darry as he laid soda across the front seat with his head in pony’s lap.

“darry, his fever-”

“i know! darry cried, putting the truck in gear, slamming his foot down, and effectively launching them down their street.

pony tried his best to hold soda still as darry took turns too fast and had to stop abruptly, but the vibrations of the truck combined with tulsa’s far from perfect roads made for lots of bumping. pony ran his fingers through sofa’s sweaty hair, holding him close and trying his best to keep him calm, but the tears didn’t stop, and darry could feel them in his own eyes, too.

“soda,” pony pleaded, his voice high and breaking. “soda can you try to take a deep breath? please, you’re gonna start wheezin, and then you won’t be able to tell anyone what’s wrong.”

darry could feel his throat going tight from trying not to cry, he could hear the tears in pony’s terrified voice and the wheeze in soda’s lungs and he just put his foot down to get there faster.

the second darry had pulled up outside of the emergency room, ponyboy sprinted in to tell someone what was happening as darry hopped out of the truck and tried to gently get soda back into his arms. it was harder now that he was in the truck as opposed to in his bed, but it seemed like soda was in so much pain that it really didn’t matter what darry did to try to keep him comfortable.

he sprinted through the door, meeting three nurses who were already wheeling a gurney towards the door. it was mayhem when darry set him down, one nurse immediately starting to tie a band around his arm so they could start an iv as soon as they could, one had a clipboard and was taking his vitals and shaking her head every time she wrote down a number, and the last one was shuffling around to get them moving in the right direction.

“honey, can you tell us what’s hurting you?” the nurse with the clipboard asked as they started to wheel him back through the big metal doors.

“my stomach!” soda wailed, and all three of them exchanged solemn looks.

“you’re the parent or guardian?” one of them asked darry.

he couldn’t answer at first, he was so dazed and confused that he could only sputter out, “he’s my brother.”

the nurse asked again, seeming to understand the jumble his head was in, “are you the guardian, honey?”

darry just nodded numbly, and followed them back through the maze of hallways and sterile smelling rooms until they stopped and wheeled him into a room. they gave him an iv and started the pain meds, but soda was so worked up and panicked that they had to start giving him oxygen.

darry sat in the corner next to soda’s head, brushing his hair back and trying to keep him calm and comfortable while the team worked on his little brother. he was distantly aware that somewhere in the fray, they had lost ponyboy, but darry had long since realized that pony dealt with things better when he was alone. and he was a smart kid; he would either stay in the waiting room or be resourceful enough to find their room. either way, darry didn’t need to worry about pony, not when soda was still sobbing as the nurses tried to get his pain under control while they ruled out all kinds of terrible conditions.

it wasn’t until an hour later when soda let out a truly horrible scream of pain, despite being pumped full of pain medicine, that the doctors and nurses seemed to come to any sort of conclusion.

the doctor pulled darry aside and said quickly, “soda most likely has appendicitis, and with how much pain he’s in, we think his appendix may have already ruptured. the best treatment option at the moment is to give him an emergency appendectomy.”

“do it,” darry barely let the doctor finish before the words were tumbling out of his mouth. “please, just… help him.”

“we’d like to take him now, we just need you to sign this as his guardian,” the doctor nodded, handing him a clipboard and a pen. darry quickly found the signature page and scribbled down his name. they started wheeling soda back to the operating room, and darry jogged to catch up to them.

“darry?” soda whimpered, and darry ran up next to him and grabbed his hand. “darry, what’s happening?”

darry felt something drop in his stomach, “it’s your appendix, baby, they need to take it out.”

“but that’s a surgery!” soda cried, his breath picking up. “we can’t afford that!”

“shh, don’t you dare worry about that, honey, i just want you to get better,” darry leaned down and pressed a kiss to soda’s forehead.

they made it into an operating room and started to get soda prepped. after checking with him one final time, they pushed the medicine to put him to sleep through his iv.

soda squeezed his eyes shut, “that feels funny…”

“you’re gonna be okay, baby, you’re gonna wake up and feel so much better,” darry whispered to soda, smoothing his hair back. “me and pony are gonna be right there when you wake up. i love you so much, sodapop, you know that, don’t you?”

soda nodded weakly, the anesthesia already starting to work, “love you, dar, and pony, too. i can’t feel anything… ‘s nice…”

“just sleep, baby, it’s okay now,” darry felt a tear slip down his cheek as soda closed his eyes.



“pony?” darry called into the near-empty waiting room as he pushed the doors open. it wasn’t more than five seconds before pony had catapulted himself into his arms. “hey, kiddo, it’s okay.”

“what happened? what’s wrong with soda?” pony cried, clinging to darry. “they said he’s in surgery! what’s going on?”

“honey, how did you know he was in surgery?” darry pushed pony back to hold him at arms length.

“i told him,” a voice behind them answered, and darry whipped around to see cherry standing in her hospital uniform, wringing her hands nervously. “i overheard the page.”

darry could hear the anxiety in her voice. he could see her red-rimmed eyes and shaking shoulders. cherry wasn’t just some soc from the west side, she was his girlfriend. she loved him. she was just as worried about soda as they were.

“c’mere,” darry held out an arm to her and she fell into him. “it’s gonna be okay.”

“what’s wrong with him? why’s he in surgery?” pony asked, still anxious and obviously scared, but a little less frantic.

“the doctor said it’s his appendix,” darry held both of them close as he tried to explain, doing his best to keep his voice even.

cherry gulped, “oh, god.”

“but he’s gonna be okay, right?” pony pulled back from the hug and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

darry squeezed cherry again before letting her go in an attempt to put off answering the question. he straightened up and took a deep breath before saying, “i… we don’t know yet. the doctors are confident and the procedure is straightforward, but if his appendix ruptured already, there could be infections… we just don’t know yet.”

pony bit the inside of his cheek and nodded, keeping his head down and not looking at either of them.

darry could feel the telltale lump rising in his throat and he realized that he was about to cry, too, the delayed panic and fear finally catching up with him.

“pony,” darry’s voice was hoarse and crackling. “do you wanna go back to his room? i can show you where it is…”

pony nodded quickly, accepting the arm darry threw over his shoulder.

darry turned around and met cherry’s bloodshot eyes, “you’re on the clock, aren’t you?”

“i’m done in forty-five minutes,” she shrugged. “i’ll meet you back there when he’s out.”

darry started to walk with pony, pushed the huge set of double doors open and fell into step with his brother, winding through the hallways of the hospital and finally turning back into the room. with the bed gone, the room seemed massive. it sure hadn’t felt that big with all the people crammed in it twenty minutes ago.

pony started to sink down onto the floor, darry helped keep him on his feet long enough to get them over to the vinyl covered couch in the corner of the room. pony curled up against darry, shaking and crying. he couldn’t even blame ponyboy for being so scared, because truthfully, soda was never the one who scared them whenever he was sick. pony had always been the one to need hospitals and doctors, but soda, if he ever got sick, was able to bounce back after a day or two in bed. aside from small asthma scares every now and again, darry couldn’t think of a time where pony would have ever seen soda sick at all.

he lost track of how long they were there, his baby brother clinging to him like a lifeline and more scared than he had been in a long time, but the sun had risen and was high in the sky by the time the doctor pushed the door open. pony’s head shot up to look at him and darry could feel his heart speeding up, pounding in his throat.

the doctor looked up from his clipboard, taking in the brothers for a moment before his face relaxed into a smile, “everything went perfectly, we have soda in recovery right now.”

pony fell into darry’s shoulder, his hand flying over his mouth.

darry hugged pony to him, still looking up at the doctor, “can we see him?”

the doctor nodded, “you can come with me.”

they hopped up from the couch, pony clutching darry’s arm so hard his fingers started to go numb, and weaved through the maze of hallways behind the doctor. when they found the room, soda was still asleep, his pajamas discarded in favor of a hospital gown. the cannulas were still in place to give him oxygen, but darry found a knot loosening in his chest listening to the monitors beeping, a steady cadence that reminded him that their brother was okay. if nothing else, his heart was still beating.

darry walked over slowly and sat down in the straight-backed chair next to him, grabbing soda’s hand and squeezing it softly, checking the pulse-ox monitor on his finger. pony walked around to the other side, sitting down next to soda on the bed.

“soda…” pony sniffled.

“shh,” darry hushed gently. “let him sleep, kiddo. he needs the rest to get better.”

he reached up and instinctually pressed the back of his hand to soda’s forehead. his fever had gone down, whatever medicine darry had signed off on was working. soda’s eyes began to flutter open. darry sat up quickly, perching on the very end of his chair.

he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before looking over, following the feeling of whoever was holding his hand, “hey dar…”

darry couldn’t help the smile that broke across his face, “hi, baby. have a good sleep?”

“mmm,” he hummed, not really leaning one way or the other. “feels funny, my head’s all spinny.”

“yeah, they’ve got you pretty hopped up on pain meds, kiddo,” darry leaned forward and brushed soda’s hair out of his eyes.

soda slowly turned to look at ponyboy, “hey, honey.”

pony didn’t seem to be able to keep himself together, a few tears slipped down his cheeks as he pulled soda’s hand up to his face. soda opened up his fingers to hold pony’s cheek in his hand, his thumb brushing away the tears. he gestured next to him and scooted over on the bed, hissing slightly as he moved. pony looked worried for a second, but happily laid down next to soda, his head resting on his brother’s shoulder.

“careful, pepsi, don’t wanna tear those stitches… you feeling alright? comfortable?” darry asked quickly, the euphoria of soda being alright beginning to wear off.

“‘m tired, darry,” he was exhausted. darry could hear in his voice, even if his goofy smile was firmly back in place.

“you can sleep, we’ll be here when you wake up,” darry sighed as soda threw an arm around pony. “cherry might be in soon, too.”

“really?” soda smiled, his eyes already drooping. “she’s gonna be so mad at me… she probably worried herself sick…”

“you’ll be fine, kiddo, i think she’ll understand. just rest, you need it.”

darry smiled, squeezing soda’s hand and smiling at his two baby brothers, both of them already almost asleep.

[namu-the-orca]

I don't know how "ask box trick or treat" works, but hi, I bring you a photo of my most beloved plushie since I was about 4, in return for a trick or a treat perhaps? Their name is Finke

(Pls excuse the fact that I managed to accidentally unfollow for a moment while trying to send an ask, whoops)

Ohh thank you for the trick or treat, you did perfectly! I love your little plushie, they are so cute and the name Finke is really sweet. I also have a very old killer whale plushie however they don't have a name. For you I made this painting as a treat:

"You were my friend"

It's about the killer whales from long ago who lived under human care, when marine parks were just starting out. And the things they went through because people back then didn't really know what they were doing yet. Pools too small, healthcare very subpar, training not up to modern standards. Whales were regularly manhandled for procedures, or the pools simply drained for cleaning or vet checks. And yet these animals placed their trust in the people they met. Even if those only stayed a while, came and went, put them through painful procedures, took care of them only as a summer job.

It is strange, looking at those old grainy black and white photos. Like a different world back then. All these whales. All these people. The blurred face of the trainer is supposed to represent the anonymity of the people they met. Contrasted with the delicate trust they received from the whales regardless.

[goldencuffs]

fake dating au chapter twenty-one

after all this time, here it is: chapter twenty-one of in the absence of a king

part one and part two because it was too long to post in one go

thank you so much to everyone who continued to care about this fic. your support means everything 💖

[creamyavocadosoup]

𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞

a/n: lowercase intended! been in an anime binge lately and am currently watching horimiya. its great honestly, it makes me feel so mushy bc me when !! but also i can kinda relate. sorry this wasnt proofread! if there are any mistakes lmk ;-;

characters: rtte!hiccup x fem!reader

tags: kinda angsty, unrequited (?) pining, intimate touches and moment (nothing nsfw)

word count: 1.5k

if you missed it, here's part one: can i be her?

the road to recovery was slow, and the mending of hiccup and i's relationship even slower. although i had forgiven him, there was an undeniable shift in how i acted towards him, whether it was intentional or not.

i had felt guilty about it, of course, but i couldn't force myself to go back to the way things were and pretend nothing had happened. even more so when i could tell that hiccup and the other riders picked up on it too.

after that incident however, something else had also changed. as subtle as it was (or tried to be), hiccup had begun doing things out of his own volition. small things like the soil in my garden being damp when i wake up, my medicine cabinets tidied and arranged how i liked it after a nap, or even my hut being spick and span, a still-hot plate of food awaiting me on my bedside table when i wake up.

it was strange to be on the receiving end of such actions. i had gotten used to helping the riders more than i had received it in return. so having hiccup do so much for me just because, induced emotions in me that i'm still quite unsure in how to handle.

today was spent patching up the riders after a grueling training session and a few accidents (mostly snotlout) and we make conversation as they tell me the new things they've discovered when they went adventuring a few days ago.

my huge cut had - thankfully - been steadily healing, the riders taking turns in making sure i wasn't doing tasks i wasn't supposed to. a few weeks since the incident and i could finally start walking around my hut with much, much caution.

taking this opportune moment of reprieve, i'm currently sat at my front porch, admiring the view of the sea and horizon off in the distance. i sipped quietly on my drink while wrapped in a blanket, the birds chirping and soft swaying of the trees my only company.

...that is until strong gusts of wind caused by a familiar midnight black dragon landed on my front yard, along with his ever-familiar rider in tow.

"[name]! i come bearing new entries to my journal, along with snacks of course."

right. ever since my injury, hiccup had made it some sort of tradition to come and talk to me about things he discovered while out on adventures or simply reading up and researching on subjects he thinks would interest me.

he reasoned it as him hoping i wouldn't feel too lonely even though the other riders visiting routinely (which i soon figured out was coordinated by hiccup thanks to a slip of the tongue from tuffnut) had given me plenty of company since then.

hiccup took his seat beside me on the porch swing, making himself comfortable. offering the other half of my blanket and he takes it with a smile, scooting closer to me.

initially, i seemingly wasn't quite receptive of this tradition he had started; lack of responses, barely any indication that i was interested in whatever he was talking about. but the dragon rider hadn't exactly let it affect him whatsoever. he continued coming regularly, and talking enough for the both of us.

"hiccup." i spoke, softly and quite mellow, but it had stopped his rant completely as he turned to look at me.

i raised my head to look back at him, my eyes slowly dragging over his features. sweat beaded faintly across his brows as he also searched my face of any indication of emotion. he gulped, the action quite apparent, "yes?"

"are you doing all this because you feel guilty?" i questioned, my voice devoid of any accusatory tone, yet it made him flinch slightly in his seat. "if you are, then you shouldn't be, because i already forgive you."

he pursed his lips and brows furrowed as he continued to keep his eyes on me, clearly displeased despite my words. i felt a warmth slowly settle on my hand, looking down to find his hand grabbing onto mine.

my heart beat quickened, a soft yet steady heat creeping up onto my cheeks. for a moment, it had felt like we were suspended in time, the universe letting us have this moment that we've needed.

"even if you have forgiven me," he paused, his body turning to me and gripping my hand tighter, "i can't." he whispered, a soft tremble in his voice as i watched his eyes gloss over.

"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." he almost weeps, his voice crackly and tears turning his eyes glossy. "i shouldn't have talked to you like that. been so - so caught up in my emotion that i just had zero regard for how you were feeling to how i was saying it." his voice shakes slightly, and my heart crumpled at the emotion.

gently setting aside my drink, i reached to hold his hands with both of mine, softly rubbing my thumb along the natural contours of the back of it. my throat felt tight, that same burning feeling in my eyes coming back, but i steeled myself and my voice to be able to say what i needed to.

"hiccup.. i understand, i really do." my voice had felt so fragile, like glass, about to break if more pressure is applied to it. "in the time i've spent by myself these past few weeks, i've come to a certain understanding and acceptance to the situation. and it's okay," i squeezed his hands, "i'm okay."

he subtly shakes his head no, one of his hands breaking free from mine and drifting to my wounded abdomen, past the hem and underneath my shirt. hiccup was quiet but his touch spoke more than his words tried to convey. my breath hitched at the action as he continued with his ministrations, yet his expression more spaced-out. i'm not sure what it was exactly, but i could tell he was heavily contemplating something in his head.

despite the gauze barrier, i could feel the heat of him emanating through it. it allowed that familiar warmth to bloom in my chest once again, the same warmth that only he seems to be the cause of. it had felt entirely too intimate to consider it as something friends do which only raised so many more questions and confusion in my head.

this wasn't normal for friends, right? is this something he normally does with the others?

i gulped down the lump in my throat, the thought of him doing the same thing to a certain blonde-haired viking setting an uncomfortable feeling in my gut.

before i could voice out any of my thoughts however, my eyes widened and cheeks warmed considerably once i felt his touch travel to my cheek. it was soft, almost feather-like, and comforting. his eyes glowed beautifully, the orange sunset reflecting onto his green eyes, effectively enchanting me with how beautiful it looked.

he kept his eyes on me, seemingly waiting on a sign on how i felt about the current predicament. seeing no protests from me, he continued on, now essentially cupping my face with both of his hands, his piercing eyes never leaving my face, flitting between my eyes and lips.

"hiccup..."

"hiccup!" a familiar voice cut through the silence and the trees, dispelling the intimate moment in an instant. i hurriedly moved away from his clutches, picking up my forgotten drink, as hiccup nervously fixes his hair and clothes.

astrid appears on the path in front of my hut, lax features and usual demeanor indicating that she didn't see whatever just happened between hiccup and i. "there you are. figured you would be here." she spoke, walking closer towards my porch.

hiccup laughed, notably a little more breathless than when he normally is, yet astrid doesn't bat an eye or pick up on it. admittedly, i spaced out as she rambled on, the scene before still playing over and over in my head.

hiccup's soft touches was still practically branded onto my skin, with how i could still feel the heat of his touch despite him being on the other side of the seat we were on. his actions had only made me more confused, swirling thoughts trying to reason why he did what he did yet none of them made sense.

what was that? was he...

i shook away the thoughts as i come back to consciousness back in time. "[name], i hope you don't mind that i'll be taking this guy with me for a little bit. i need his help on a few things regarding training." she spoke.

i nodded, plastering a small smile on my face but i turn to look at hiccup, silently torn on wanting him to go or letting him leave. his gaze was on me, searching my face but perhaps my features weren't translating my desire well, because he turns to astrid and smiles, "we can go, we were just finishing up anyways."

my heart cracks just a tiny bit, that same feeling that i felt a few weeks ago leaking through the cracks of my resolve little by little. but i force the smile back on my face, standing up to bring my drink back inside, the atmosphere now leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

they gather their things and leave side-by-side, and i also turn and huddle back into my hut, missing the longing look hiccup held to my disappearing figure.

DO NOT REPOST MY CONTENT ANYWHERE! i would love to hear any and all thoughts. mwah! have a great day!

quick access to my library.

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

Finding out Pete wrote the lyrics for Baby Blackout by Daisy Grenade and going insane. She was a teen girl writing about a breakup your honor. Anyways, here's Pete on the cover of his own shojo manga because he deserves it and I think he'd like it.

(more webweave-y gender truthing type shit below the cut)

[gotchibam]

Glameow, Skitty, and Purrugly late ko-fi doodle for Trevor!

[kakyogay]

I've done it

I've conquered art block and health issues

and now the moog is complete

the scrapped drawing under cut because I do still like how it was turning out it's just it was getting so exhausting working on one part just to have 50 more things to do completely out of my comfort zone

[lights-at-night]

paige duplass // mcr

[bloody-blades]

" Well in any case! I think we could relax for a while here! Its quite comfortable. You seem to enjoy those flowers a lot....Wonder if they are useful like buttercups! Perhaps a nice golden rose pie.....Do you think they have recipes like that? I bet they even have dog treats made with them!....Oh man I miss my dog treats.... "

" Oh? Did you want to explore more already? We can do that. The water does look refreshing though doesn't it! Perhaps before we go we should freshen up and have something to drink. I know we don't need it but it's still fun. "

" .... [ Sniff. Sniff. ] .... "

" Did you find something? Is the water really that interesting? It looks pretty normal to me! Quite clear if I do say so....more clearer than the water we had back at the hotel! So I'm sure it's even more safe to drink. I really don't mind having to stay here a bit more, we literally have all the time in the world! ( or I guess afterlife? Although that got destroyed so...Afterafterlife? ) "

" [ Shrimp sniffs the water for quite a bit, standing still as if waiting for something to happen. Perhaps preparing incase something moves. ] "

" [ Just like that, Bingo. Shrimp starts growling at the bubbling from the water, and the growing shadow with it. Basically waiting to jump at whatever is going to pop out. Ikabod however seems to not have noticed this yet. ] "

" ...Shrimp? What's wrong buddy? Did something scare you?—Was it the mention of the hotel?? If so I do apologise a lot! I won't bring it up again if you don't like the topic of the hotel.— "

[ Splashing. Gasping. A dark figure emerges from the water. ]

" Ah!— Hello good sir! Sorry if we disturbed your place!! We can leave right away! So sorry about Shrimp!— I will take him away right away, he does tend to be quite hostile! But also are you okay?— How long have you been in there? Right uh— Shrimp let's go I can't really afford having an accident happening right now because I'm dirt poor! "

" [ Shrimp just growls and growls louder. Perhaps it's a person that they both know. A person that they both have a bad experience with. But Ikabod just doesn't realise it yet. ] "

" ..Well that was weird. Never have met a man that slept in a pond. Perhaps this is his home? This place sure is weird already and....How long have we even been here. Oh well I guess we just better get going. That man seemed a bit grumpy anyways, don't want a chair thrown at me on my first day!....just like my first day at the hotel.... Really sorry that I don't have my dog treats with me or anything to eat honestly. Maybe we should find you more of those roses to calm you down a bit! "

" WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, IKABOD KEE. "