#very very powerful for a guy who was like…. 21-22 at the time of recording I’d reckon?

[boy-armageddon]

YES my username on yt is a blood bros reference :33 i need to go to crimes world again i know in my heart and soul that i love her but i seldom show her attention .. i need to care her more ..

HOOFRAY!!!! also pretty please do!!!!!!! for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chaoticace2005]

Why Sir Pentious got redeemed:

1. He was killed so his soul got re-evaluated (if so what happens to all other Sinners who die?)

2. He got redeemed a millisecond before Adam killed him, the intent of sacrificing himself being enough to get into heaven

3. He was destined to be redeemed when he put his pride away and confessed to Cherri

4. Being in Heaven or Hell is based on whether or not you believe you’re a good person. At that moment his opinion of himself shifted enough to qualify for Heaven.

5. He racked up enough good points to be redeemed, as did Angel, the only reason he’s there and Angel isn’t is because Valentino owns Angel’s soul.

6. Susan owned Sir Pentious’ soul, keeping him tied to Hell. She died at that very moment though, releasing him.

7. Susan is a bad bitch and can’t die. But she saw how stupid he was about to be and was like “I give up”, releasing him.

8. The universe knew that Adam was going to die and there always has to be one Alex Brightman in Heaven. They couldn’t take Fizzarolli because they don’t want to deal with Asmodeus, so they defied their own rules and took Sir Pentious.

9. He didn’t get redeemed. His design was just re-used and this is a totally different Winner, the story just ended like this to give us hope

10. He didn’t get redeemed, this is Charlie’s hope of what did happen because she can’t accept his death

11. All of Hazbin is a story being told by Frank, and he added his boss going to Heaven because that’s what he believes happened (either a conspiracy theory or that’s what the Hazbin crew told him.)

12. Using a war machine to kill people was the last sin he needed to repent for, the fact he was redeemed before Adam’s blast is just luck.

13. Adam’s blast beamed Sir Pentious up to Heaven

14. Adam’s blast is actually a de-Sinner, usually it kills people but because Sir Pentious didn’t have a lot of Sin-juice he was reborn

15. He chose that moment to convert to a born again Christian. He was born again.

16. He sneezed and an angel blessed him

17. This was another “fuck you” from the universe: he kissed the girl he liked and made a family only for it all to be taken away

18. It’s a Good Place situation where he thinks he’s in Heaven but it’s really not and this is just extra torture.

19. He’s in purgatory and this is what he’s dreaming.

20. It’s a test by the higher ups in Heaven “OH you think heaven is good for Sinners? Wrong!” Then they chose a guy who was starting to find happiness in Hell to prove their point that Sinners can’t find joy in Heaven

21. His death was so anticlimactic the universe felt like it had to give him a second chance.

22. Vox is a heavenly official in disguise (the TV is just a mask.) And told him back in episode 2 to kill himself, Sir Pentious sacrificing himself fulfilled that wish, so the universe redeemed him for fulfilling Vox’s challenge

23. Lilith ex-machina came in last minute like a girl boss and saved his ass. Her powers transcend time.

24. That’s Sir Pentious’ clone, which Pentious had programmed to be released the second he died (there may be tons of Alex Brightmans in the world, but there can only be one Sir Pentious.)

25. Charlie learns how to redeem Sinners in the future. She also learns to time travel, so she grabs Sir Pentious at that last second before he died, helps him get redeemed and then chucks him back into the timeline because screw the consequences.

26. Alex Brightman got amnesia and said “H-huh?! Where-where am I?!” during recording. Everyone though he just ad-libbed a line and tried to make it fit in.

27. The Eggs are secretly gods. They blessed and saved Pentious before Adam could kill them.

28. Emily saw what he was about to do and pulled a lever. It was the right lever.

29. Last minute someone realized the play on words with Pentious’ name (Sir Repentious) and added this scene in

30. Alex Brightman was originally not going to return to the show, so Pentious and Adam died. Later things changed and he could return, but most filming had already been done so they took him aside and filmed that final scene separately and added it in.

[munsooooon]

Warning: Angst, Kinda Hurt/No Comfort. English is not my first language, so feel free to let me know if there is any mistake!

Eddie does die. Steve grows up, but he never forgets Eddie and all that could be. He was the man who made him accept his bisexuality. He was the man who made him find new interests. To everyone's surprise, Steve forms a punk band with Gareth and some other guys.

In the 90s, they became famous. They were big as Green Day and other bands of the time. Steve becomes a rock/punk sex symbol. Everyone goes crazy for him because he is incredibly pretty, and his songs are powerful. But he always claims he's not interested in having a relationship.

His band's albums are successful, but Steve keeps a low profile, at the beginning of '96 he disappears from the public eye, leaving everyone bewildered, the world doesn't stop throwing theories, even his fellow musicians in other bands are worried, Steve is a king once again, but he doesn't care about that crown either. In March 1997, surprisingly, his band released a preview of a new album, a heartbreaking single called Gone Away. It immediately becomes his biggest hit. People immediately want to know what the song is about.

So Steve speaks, for the first time he gives a serious interview, he was always quiet in the back while Gareth talked to the media, he ignored the questions, he had never talked to the media seriously before until now.

He is wearing a faded Dio T-shirt, black baggy jeans, and rings on his hand. His sad eyes always made him be compared to Kurt Cobain even though his music was different.

The audience numbers on MTV were breaking records. There were kids in the studio who reminded him of The Party. The host was very excited and could hardly hide it, but he was making a good effort:

"First of all, Steve, thank you very much for granting us this interview and, above all, congratulations for the huge success that Gone Away is having."

Steve smiles weakly and tries to be nice despite how overwhelmed he feels. He does it for Eddie because the guy reminds him of Eddie, at least in looks, he probably would have gotten along great with Eddie, Steve always thought so when he saw him on TV.

"Thank you," Steve whispers kindly. The guys in the studio can barely hear him.

"I know you're not a big fan of TV studios, so is it okay if we start with the questions?"

Steve nods weakly, and he can feel himself starting to breathe more naturally.

"I suffer from really bad migraines, and the studio lights are terrible."

"I understand," replies the show host. He looks at him for a few seconds straight in the eye. The boy seems to be dazzled by Steve and seems to understand what this means to him. "So, Gone Away, what's the song talking about?"

Steve looks at him gratefully. MTV wanted the host to ask him about a thousand topics as Steve was giving his first exclusive interview, Steve had agreed to talk shit because he knew that MTV was the place where he could reach kids who cared about his music, kids like Eddie.

"It's about my husband. His name was Eddie, Eddie Munson."

Steve could hear everyone in the studio express surprise. Steve suddenly felt like he was in high school when Eddie would climb on the tables.

"Your husband?" the host asked in surprise, he looked as if he didn't believe what Steve was saying, as if he thought it was one of the antics he sometimes pulled while Gareth was talking about his music but Steve kept his face very serious.

"My husband. You all think I'm from New York and I've never cared to make it clear. The band was formed in New York, I moved there when I was 22, but I grew up in Hawkins, Indiana. Probably a lot of the kids here don't know because they were so young, but 11 years ago there was a devastating earthquake there, a lot of people died, including my husband Eddie, he was just 21 years old."

"Yeah man, I remember that earthquake, was awful"

"Yeah. A few days before, Eddie had been persecuted by the whole town especially by the religious people because he was wrongfully accused of crimes he did not commit, which sucks because he was the sweetest man I have ever known, I have lived since then trying to be at least a part of how sweet he was."

Everyone was in complete shock. All eyes were on Steve.

"Eddie died in the earthquake. He sacrificed himself to save me, to save our friends. We didn't get to live our romance, but I know my love was reciprocated because he wrote me letters and poems, he made me drawings, and even in his last diary entry he said he was happy because we had friends in common, he was planning to talk to me at Spring Break and have fun with me and our friends in the summer."

"Steve, I'm very sorry".

"Last year was the 10th anniversary of his death. I can hardly believe that I have lived all this time without him, but I am as much in love as the first day. That is why I call him my husband, because even though I could never propose to him, we are together but in different places. We even have our children, who are the reason I am still alive. I still wear his clothes, these are his clothes, and this seat I'm sitting in today belongs to him, he was born a rock star. "

"Steve, once again, you have left us speechless."

Steve smiled genuinely at him and then turned to look directly into the camera:

"I'm making it very clear. I'm bisexual, I don't allow anyone, not the fans, not the media to question my sexuality like they did with Bowie, like they're doing it with Billie. I am bisexual, in love, and married to a wonderful man. If you can't understand that, you are stupid, and that makes you part of the problem that killed my husband 11 years ago."

Steve left the interview at that moment. He sent a letter to the host, thanking him for the space to talk about Eddie, being aware of how incredibly privileged he was. It was the first and last interview he gave, he thought his career was going to disappear but the interview made him more famous, the band played in the most important festivals that year but in 1998 they announced their separation. Steve lived his last days with Wayne in New York. Steve died a few days after Wayne died. In the year 2000, he was 34.

The fans were really happy that Steve was finally with his husband, the love of his life and his muse. Because Steve chose to live a life for him and Eddie, every time he made a decision about his music, he thought: What would Eddie have done?

That's why he decided to go to that famous interview in 1998. It was one of the greatest moments in music. Eddie and Steve are well remembered, not only by fans, to this day Steve's contemporary artists like Billie Joe Armstrong or Dave Grohl talk about those small moments in which they met Steve at festivals, they all agree that he was magical.

Like Steve lyrics, people always leave flowers in his shared grave with Eds to show they care.

Leaving flowers on your grave

To show that I still care

Black roses and Hail Mary's

Can't bring back what's taken from me

I reach to the sky

And call on your name

And if I could trade, I would

And it feels, and it feels like

Heaven's so far away

And it stings, and it stings now

The world is so cold

Now that you've gone away...

♡♡♡♡♡

• Gone Away is a song by The Offspring, an American punk band. Dexter, the lead singer, wrote this song because he was in the middle of a shooting with his girl. When I was younger I read he wrote it for his late girlfriend, who died in a car accident but apparently that's not true. Anyway it's one of my favourite songs, I think it is very beautiful, these days when I listen to the song I think that it is a song that suits Steve and Eddie a lot. Curiously, it was published in March 1997, exactly 11 years after Eddie's death, y all know he died in March 1986.

• The Billie Steve mentioned in the interview is Billie Joe Armstrong, the lead singer of Green Day. He is bisexual but many people question his sexuality back in the day and even nowadays.

I apologise for this, hahaha. I have a happy version of this if you guys are interested.

[grumpygreenwitch]

The Witches and Wizards Job 5-6

For the record, authors who write well with a first person perspective have my utmost respect. It's unspeakably HARD.

Also, as a treat, while it is currently updating once per week here, once it's finished it'll jump to being updated once a day. The week is just so I can have breathing (writing) room in case something should happen.

AO3 Link

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Remember: Tumblr has no algorithm. Reblogs give me life.

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FIVE

Let me tell you how the Boston thing went down.

It was late summer, so as far as Chicago was concerned it was fall already. Nightfall had brought up a heavy mantle of fog from Lake Michigan; it made the dark of the night all the more profound, muffling sounds, blurring sights and scents. Anything could've been lurking in that iron-scented blanket, good or evil.

And for once, it wasn't my problem.

I've never been a man to shy away from a fight, but I'm not the sort that goes looking for one, either. You give me a chance to do nothing for a night, and I will absolutely take it. Unfortunately, life hardly ever gave me those sorts of chances; when it did, usually something big, bad, possibly angry and definitely violent landed on my doorstop as soon as I'd put on my comfortable slippers. And since I was on my second cup of tea, working my way through a nice little paperback, feet up, bathrobe on, and nothing was happening, I was a little… nervous.

It's not that I have bad luck. Well, alright, I do have questionable luck, at best. But when you're the only guy on the Chicago Yellow Pages listed under W for Wizard, Professional, your workload tends to get either a little silly or a lot weird. In my case, it usually also involved a heaping helping of life-threatening and limb-mangling. It was to the point where I didn't know if I remembered how to relax, which was a sad state of affairs for anyone, let alone someone who'd just caught up on rent and bills. I couldn't even remember the last time I actually had money to my name after paying for everything involved with being a responsible, working adult.

It was almost a relief when the knock on my door finally came. Almost.

Except that I was home.

No one ever came to my home unannounced bearing good news, not even me. I looked at my roommates. Mouse, my brand-new cow-sized dog, cocked an ear at the door and kept snoring. Mister, my dog-sized cat, asleep on top of Mouse, didn't dignify the noise with even that. Since both of them have always been a little more dedicated to their self-preservation than me to mine, I chose to trust them. I put aside the cup and and the book, and headed for the door.

I still grabbed my staff, though. Fool me once and all that.

The door opened to a vast patchwork sea of fog. I could feel it, like a living thing, trying to worm its way in, looking for bones to chill and joints to make achy. Look, I said the fog was pretty, not that it was nice.

There was a man standing a few steps from my door. He wore a long black coat against the night chill, had curly dark hair and a friendly face. He looked pretty harmless, all things said. By his side he had a gorgeous woman wrapped in a white jacket, wavy black hair framing an olive-skinned face like a silver screen's star. They both looked calm. A little curious, maybe. They were both wearing the sort of clothing you see on the newspaper under the 'Social Events' heading.

"Mister Dresden, good evening," the man said politely.

I closed the door.

And locked it.

Both their coats were plain, very unadorned, nothing fancy, not even the buttons, and that was just the first problem. Only people who already know they're the nastiest predator in the room dressed like that, expensive but unassuming, elegant and comfortable both. Just like Johnny "Gentleman" Marcone, one of my personal pains in the ass and probably the most powerful crime boss in Chicago. I'd only gotten a passing look at what they wore under the coats, but I already knew it was way too expensive for my peace of mind.

The second was the distance. They'd knocked and immediately stepped back a good four steps from the door. Two steps would've been a nice, modest courtesy. Four meant they expected someone to come out swinging. Only four meant they were pretty sure they could take someone that came out swinging.

Life taught me early on how to cold-read a room. I got good enough at it that I could also tell when someone was doing it to me. I wouldn't have sworn to it, but I had that unhappy feeling crawling up my spine that said the woman had been doing it from the moment I'd opened the door. The man had been a little slower: he'd probably been waiting for me to speak.

And in general, women that gorgeous never paid any attention to me unless they wanted me dead. I knew one exception to the rule, on a good day. Maybe two. Also, no one ever calls me 'Mister Dresden'. 'Dresden' was about as polite as it got. 'Wizard Dresden', maybe, when someone was feeling notoriously pissy or murderously smug. 'Harry' only happened when I was among friends.

I stayed close to the door, and heard the woman berating the man, but I couldn't make out any words. I was hoping they'd leave on their own, mainly because not knowing who or what they were, I didn't know if I could chase them off. Instead, there was another knock.

"Mister Dresden?" It was the woman; she had a ghost of a Brit accent, enough to sound nice without being cloying. "We're terribly sorry to have barged in like this," she said. "We have a business proposition for you that we felt couldn't wait -"

If there's any words in the English language more dangerous than those, I couldn't think of them at the moment.

"- but obviously this is not a matter to be discussed at home. Maybe lunch would be better? Say tomorrow, twelve, at Ricardo's?"

… Ok, my bad. Baiting me into a trap by inviting me to one of the best Italian joints in Chicago was maybe a little more dangerous. I've skipped meals often enough in this life to appreciate a free lunch as much as anyone else.

"We'll be waiting. Just ask for Nathan Ford. Good night." I heard them walk away, speaking in the quiet tones of someone who knew no fear of anything that might be hiding in the fog.

SIX

I decided to walk into the trap. I did shower and shave, though, just in case it wasn't a trap. I even cleaned my coat. I still got a look from the maitre'd when I showed up. I didn't blame him; he had nearly six feet of beanpole dressed in clean hand-me-downs in front of him, at the head of a line that smelled like money from around the block. No amount of shaving was ever going to make me look like I belonged there.

I still got escorted to the best table in the house. I could feel that trap tightening, but the smell of their osso bucco was making my stomach growl and my mouth water. The two people from the night before were sitting already, wine glass half full for her, sparkling water for him.

Huh.

In the light of day the woman was even more beautiful than I'd thought. She had an earthy beauty, a sort of human quality that made you want to trust her, to like her. She was wearing one of those dresses again, deceptively simple in creamy green, but so well-made that it hugged every curve and managed to leave everything and nothing to the imagination. She was wearing a plain gold chain with a little pendant that looked, felt, old and priceless, and matching earrings. Her eyes were naturally dark and smoky, and she was chuckling low at something the man had said, her eyes full of affection.

It figured. All the good ones were always taken.

The man looked rumpled… But I realized as I looked him over that it was nearly the same way I look rumpled. His clothes were good, he just wasn't comfortable in them. He'd put on a mask to come meet me, and the suit was just part of the costume. He was, as I'd seen the night before, friendly, even harmless-looking. Which only made me even more nervous. A pile of leaves wasn't a threat until you stepped on the rattler hiding in it.

"Ah, mister Dresden." They both stood up to greet me, the woman taking point. "So glad you decided to join us."

"I'm a horribly curious man," I admitted as we all sat down. "And you said you had a business proposition. I should warn you, I don't do overseas."

She laughed a little. "No, not overseas."

"But there would be some traveling involved," the man said evenly. Even his voice had that friendly, laidback quality. He was making me very nervous.

"I am Sophie Deveraux. This is Nathan Ford. We run a small operation in New England, Boston -"

I wasn't quick enough to keep from grimacing openly.

"Is that a problem?" Ford asked mildly.

"I work in Chicago," I said, because I wasn't about to admit the real problem to these two strangers.

"We are willing to make any travel arrangements you require, mister Dresden," Deveraux persisted. "We require your services in-situ as a consultant."

My brain screeched to a halt. "I'm sorry, what?"

"We need a wizard," Ford said bluntly. "You're the only one we could find that has anything even remotely like credentials."

That was a weird thing to say, if only because one, yes, absolutely a wizard but two, credentials didn't happen in my line of work. I got most of my clients through word of mouth and desperation.

"Unfortunately, Boston is non-negotiable," Deveraux said mildly.

"I'll save you the lunch, then." I would have loved to try Ricardo's lobster sauce ravioli, but I didn't see the meeting going anywhere. Even if I'd been willing to brave the Nevernever for a trip of that magnitude, Boston was a mess I really didn't want to touch.

"You haven't heard our offer, mister Dresden. Please, at least hear us out while you eat?" she persisted.

She was pretty, and friendly, and just because the last job had paid the bills didn't mean they weren't gonna come back. That's what bills do, after all. "I don't travel. Magic and technology don't mix well. I don't want to think what would happen if I got on a plane -"

"Train?" she suggested immediately.

"Ship?" Ford added. "Charter bus?

"Hired driver?"

It came at me so quickly, so rapid-fire, that I had trouble for a moment figuring out what they'd done. I'd put out a problem, and immediately their first reaction had been to find workarounds. All the delicious pasta smells in the world couldn't drown out the warning bells going off in my head. "Uh, what'd you say you people do?"

"We didn't," Ford replied.

"Much like you, mister Dresden -"

"Harry, please." It was getting hard to remember that I didn't know these people, they were the ones who'd looked me up, and they didn't have a reason to attack me, yet; the formality had a lot to do with that.

Deveraux smiled at me and I felt vaguely jealous of Ford on the spot. "Harry," she purred. "Much like you, we solve problems for people who have very few options left otherwise. Like you, we are a very small operation and rely mostly on the goodwill we create with our success to secure further clients. That's why it's so important that we do succeed, and that is why it's so important that we secure your help."

I was about to ask if they were a cult when three white-clad staff came out of the kitchen, followed by Ricardo himself. Deveraux gasped in delight as plates were set down before us all. My stomach whined pathetically when I reminded it I was going to say no to the job.

"Rica!" She greeted the owner like they were friends, no benefits, and the man beamed back at her. "A feast! You made all my favorites, you didn't miss one!"

"Nothing is too good for Sophie Deveraux," he replied, beaming, and they launched into a conversation in rapid-fire Italian.

Which left me and Ford alone at the table. I eyed the man. He wouldn't meet my eyes, busy picking at the food.

"So you solve problems."

"So to speak," he agreed neutrally.

"Are you hitmen?"

"Uh, no, mister Dresden. Where possible, we try to keep everyone involved from dying."

It wasn't just what he'd said, but the way he said it, that made the bells in my head go off even louder. Ford hadn't hesitated, not in answering, not with the answer itself.

"And you need a wizard."

That did make him pause. I expected it to.

"We need someone in your field to advise us during this current job."

"Uh-huh. Even though you don't believe in magic at all?"

Ford went very still, and leveled a look on me that was the first honest gesture I'd seen from the man. There was ice in that look, a depth of ruthlessness that made me wince a little bit, and which matched the first perception I'd gotten from him with his answer about hitmen. This was someone quite capable of killing; he simply chose not to.

"Even though you don't like me?" I added.

"I don't like a lot of people in this world, mister Dresden," he replied politely, getting a piece of shrimp and avocado crostini. "That doesn't mean I won't use their services if the situation calls for it."

"Well, that's honest if nothing else."

"I've found honesty is the best policy when hiring someone."

"I don't travel. I can't travel, not right now. I have a dog that's still growing into his paws."

"Can't you kennel it?"

Oof. Well, after that, I didn't like him either. "Mouse is not the sort of dog you kennel."

"You have a dog?" By contrast Deveraux, returning to the table, looked excited to hear that. "What kind?"

"Um, Tibetan Temple Mastiff."

"Tibetan Mastiff, that's a big dog," Ford commented neutrally.

"No, not a Tibetan Mastiff. Tibetan Temple Mastiff."

They both stared at me for a long moment, long enough that I began to wonder if I'd misjudged them. "Is it actually a dog?" Deveraux asked neutrally.

"I think so. It's just… I can't kennel him. So, you know, another reason I can't take the job."

"Bring him with you," she said blithely. "We'll make accommodations."

Ok, I hadn't expected that. "Uh."

"It's a dog," Ford said stiffly. "We can pay for him to kennel it."

"He's not kenneling his dog, Nate," she told him tartly.

"But -"

"We don't expect you to do anything risky, Harry," she carried on. "We just want you on hand to answer questions and advice us on some matters. Think of it as a very nice sabbatical. You've won a trip, all expenses paid, to Boston. "

"That's the other thing. Boston is…"

"Boston is what?" There was a tight defensiveness in Ford's seemingly innocent question that brought my attention right back to the man.

Guess it was a good thing I wasn't interested in insulting his home turf. "Magically speaking, Boston is… very busy." I was trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say without breaking a dozen covenants and laws.

"Is there something specific to your… job," Ford asked mildly, "that you need, a permit, a license, to be able to come to Boston?"

"It's not that, it's… It'd be a bit like a Yankees fan walking into a Red Sox bar mid-season."

"Ah." Ford reeled back.

"No one needs to know you're coming," Deveraux protested.

"Oh, they'd know." It was the first time she'd said something that betrayed how little she actually knew about me and magic. That was also when I realized how very neatly I'd been sidetracked from the most important question. "What's this job you're doing that you need a wizard for it?"

They both crossed a look. The warning bells drew in a deep breath and screamed even louder.

Deveraux opened her mouth. Ford beat her to it. "We don't know." He grabbed a fork again.

"You - you came all the way from Boston to Chicago to hire me and you don't know why?"

Ford took a moment to think. "No," he admitted readily before setting to work on the fettucini. "We don't know. That's precisely why we're hiring a wizard."

"We rarely need to bring in outside contractors for our work, Harry," Deveraux explained. "We, as a team, have a very, very large pool of knowledge and expertise. This time, however, we have found a situation that falls outside that pool."

"Someone must have told you what you were looking for. People don't just wake up one day and decide, 'oh, I think a wizard will solve all my problems today'."

"Someone did," Ford agreed. "That is need-to-know information."

"Well, I need to know."

"And we need a wizard in Boston."

"Harry," Deveraux shot Ford a look that betrayed the kind of steel needed to like a man with so much ice in his soul. When she faced me, though, she was all warmth once again. The woman was a damn chameleon. "We need you. It's as simple as that. You are the only wizard we could find who is, I hate to use this word, reputable. We will make any traveling arrangements you require, for you and your dog. We will make any living arrangements you want in Boston, for you both. We will cover all of your expenses. And we will pay you a consultant's fee."

"You don't know my rates." The sheer amount of money Deveraux was offering made the bells in my head shut up real quick. It made me want to shut up and say yes, too. My voice came out a little croaky, even I could hear it. I grabbed for the water to try and wash the shock down.

"They weren't hard to find out," she countered mildly. She gestured at Ford, who handed her a folded piece of paper. "And if your talents are a match to your reputation, they're quite ungenerous."

"I don't think it's too much to ask -"

"To you, Harry. They're ungenerous to you. This is our offer." She slid the piece of paper over to me.

I read it. Word of advice: don't drink and read money offers from gorgeous women who solve other people's problems for a living at the same time. The water went places it had no business visiting and I started coughing. There was a very, very big number on that piece of paper. "I can't stay out of Chicago that long!"

"Harry, that's per day."

Hell's Bells but it felt like the trap had closed on me and I didn't even know when. "Do you mind if I take this offer home and think on it?"

"No, of course not." She offered me a little business card. It was, like their clothes, very plain and elegant and it said 'Leverage, Inc'. It didn't even have an address, just a phone number and an email. "When do you think you'll have an answer for us?"

As soon as I figured out who Sophie Deveraux and Nate Ford really were, and who they wanted me to kill? "Tonight."

She beamed at me. "That would be wonderful. Now while we eat, do you mind if I ask you questions? I've never spoken to a wizard before. Nothing about the job, of course."

I just grinned at her. What else could I do? She was gorgeous, that lobster aioli smelled like heaven, and there were three pieces of shrimp crostini whispering naughty things to me from their plate. "No problem."

[xaracosmia]

ꕥ — WELCOME TO EXO COSMIA, AMIAS ZHENG. 🌑

ꕥ  — OOC INFORMATION:

name / alias: lusala / lucian age: 22 pronouns: he/they other characters in xc: ahmed

ꕥ  — IC INFORMATION;

name: Amias Zheng age: 21 pronouns: he/him series: OC canon point: N/A app triggers: murder, physical assault

personality:

Determined

Amias is determined to have a good ending. If something really matters to him, he can't be discouraged easily and pursues things to a stubborn degree. He really wants to believe, so he will. This also means he's very loyal to any cause that he devotes himself to.

Earnest

Amias means well. They don't lie often, to the point that they frequently embarrass themself when they get nervous and talk too much. They're really an open book, and it doesn't take long for one to pry out even their darkest secrets out of them if you show that you care.

Gullible

That also means they're less likely to doubt someone who's lying to them. It's not uncommon for them to get tricked or taken advantage of because of the heart on their sleeve, but they try not to let it get to them.

Paranoid

He gets scared easily, although it isn't likely that he'll run away-- just that he's prone to making up scenarios based on his fear. He wears multiple locks on his doors and makes sure to reinforce his walls, doesn't step on cracks if he can help it, overthinks normal conversation...

Institutionalization has changed the way he handles himself. Truthfully, he pushes his "positive" traits more than they actually are. If he is just a clumsy, goofy guy, people are more likely to forgive him if he messes up. Any wrong instance where it may seem like he could be painted as the aggressor, he's deeply afraid of. Better to not be taken seriously than to be painted as something he's not.

Obsessed

When Amias gets fixated on something, he won't be able to pull himself away from it.

Fragmented

Amias' identity, to him, feels split between multiple things. Fighting his curse and other mental issues, he often struggles to know where he begins and ends. The curse makes him violent, haughty, aggressive, entitled, all things that he tries to overcompensate for by acting the complete opposite at all times.

something your muse struggles with: self-control

your muse’s greatest strength: determination

history / background:

Amias Zheng has always known that he was different from everyone else. Not in the conceited way, but in a way that tears him apart. Being the child of a prolific serial killer and being raised by her for the first decade of his life, there is a wall between him and other people that he feels anxious breaching. There is nobody that can relate to his story or his curse.

The curse that he's been afflicted with is hereditary; a curse placed on one of his ancestors for a selfish wish, the Ellwood family is destined to only survive off of the life of others, falling into depravity & solipsism. But Amias is, at his core, a good person. That's the most important part of his story. He won't play any cruel games foisted on him, if he sees an injustice, he acts. It's his biggest strength and his biggest weakness in a world that wants to chew him up and spit him out.

It also allows him to see the monsters that are hidden to the human eye. An entire plane of evil exists that takes advantage of how they can't be seen, preying on whoever they happen to find. He's dedicated himself to the cause of finding a way to break the barrier between humans and this plane, giving humans a fighting chance against them for once; he is searching for the impossible shot, something that will undoubtedly prove their existence.

powers / abilities:

Record: When Amias films someone, he can “feed” off of the information from the recording and sustain himself this way. It’s an extremely broad ability with a few caveats.

Wolf Visage: When in the curse's depths, Amias adopts wolf-like features. This can range from being more anthropomorphic in nature to being more related to the actual animal. In this form, he benefits from increased size & strength OR increased agility and speed.

Decaying Touch: Touching something can cause it great harm, which heals Amias in return. This is something he can control, but he can lose control of this with uncontrolled emotions.

Playback: He can perfectly mimic the audio of whatever he records.

inherent abilities:

Cursed Line: The family on his mother’s side was cursed by a devil to fall into depravity, a consequence of his ancestor attempting to revive his daughter. He is able to see past things hidden on the human plane of existence, but is at the same time haunted by these things and forever has a pull towards violence inside his head. A part of him is sustained by the life of things, which can be rejuvenated through various means; through blood, flesh, their soul, the very act of violence, or by absorbing information from the living. He’s like a very flexible vampire.

Link: Amias is linked to his Camcorder. Through it, it acts as a sort of gateway into the opposing plane, and allows him to feed & hunt. Everything that he records he can feel.     

items / weapons:     

Winchester Model 94: An old-fashioned, bolt-action rifle. This has been "passed down" as an heirloom from his mother. It has “Ellwood” carved into its stock. The spirit of his ancestor is trapped inside, which supposedly possesses whoever controls it— but since Amias is related, he can wield it with no problem.

HD Camcorder : Amias’ pride and joy, and also his lifeline. Despite its age in comparison to modern Camcorders, it works perfectly well.

starting ability: Record starting item: HD Camcorder

extra:

he’s like a modern bhaalspawn. if you care

he kins samarie from fear & hunger

girl who still says ROFL and watches invader zim:

discord id: impossibleshot passcode: do you trust me <- ummm...

[recurring-polynya]

part 22 | ao3 | ff.net |

Summary:  He's a easy-going tattoo artist with a love for sunglasses and a talent for drawing skeletons. She's a high-powered finance executive with a neurotic brother and an amazing sportscar. In another universe, they're undead soldiers fighting in a war for the fate of reality. In this one, they're just two doofuses trying to make it to Rukia's tattoo appointment without falling head over heels for one another.

Starring: Rukia, Renji, and an extensive peanut gallery.

Rating: Teen, for language and general, low-grade horniness

This time: Rukia gets her tattoo.

And...that's it! It's a wrap! If you were waiting for it to be finished to read it (or perhaps...leave a kudos?), now is your time!

Bonus small personal story below the cut that contains a minor spoiler for part 21, if you haven't read it yet.

I've told sort of bits and pieces of this story, but I thought I would put it all together for posterity.

I don't use Instagram very much, but what I do use it for is checking out potential tattoo artists when I'm in the market. During the opera subplot of this fanfic, when I was brainstorming for outfit ideas, I discovered the wonderful account lastnightatthemet which provided a lot of inspiration and general register-setting. However, at one point, I had hopped on Instagram to look for opera outfits, and I scrolled past some posts from the artist who did my first tattoo, back in 2018. He has a bunch of flash designs up, including one of a little bluebird that absolutely stole my heart. Despite absolutely not needing a fourth tattoo, I...needed it. So I emailed, and it turned out, he is a busy man, and I managed to snag an appointment for...next March.

I didn't love waiting that long (this was late October), but I figured it would give me a thing to look forward to. But then on a Sunday in the middle of November, I got a phone call-- he'd had a cancellation, could I come in that Tuesday morning? Of course I could.

I need to emphasize that this did not inspire the cancellation that happens in the story. That's been in my outline since, like, last July. But I was basically at the last few chapters of this story, and so I ended up getting my tattoo and then immediately writing the chapter where Rukia gets hers, which is why it is so stupidly detailed.

I am so grateful to my own wonderful tattoo guy, who both put me a fantastic lil birb friend on my shoulder and very cheerfully answered a bunch of stupid questions about the tattooing process. For the record, my tatt has been healing up wonderfully, it never even peeled. That Saniderm is magical stuff.

[tmbgareok]

John F. talks to Spin magazine.

Some things are worth the wait. Throughout their nearly 40-years, 22 studio albums, 9 live albums, 10 compilation albums, 7 video albums and 21 EPs, They Might Be Giants’ new album and accompanying art book, both titled BOOK (out November 12) are—whether we knew it or not—exactly what we’ve been waiting for.

BOOK (the book) features original photos by Brian Karlsson and is a festival of absurdist delights page by page. Peppered throughout are TMBG song lyrics through the decades, arranged and hand-typed in the curiously artistic splay they deserve. This full-color, cloth-bound hardcover book brings the coolest art show you’ve been longing for right to your home. As with everything TMBG do, it’s meticulously designed, curated, and produced—without taking itself too seriously. BOOK (the album) features 15 songs classically TMBG: Clever, melodious, and musing.

We spoke with one-half of the TMBG founding duo John Flansburgh about BOOK (the album), BOOK (the book), and how they combine to make “a fully psychedelic experience of sound and vision.

SPIN: Why not call both the book and the album Album John Flansburgh: Good question. The book of BOOK is the full scope of the project which is both an art book and a musical album. So, BOOKis a very real collaboration between They Might Be Giants, the designer Paul Sahre who typed up all the lyrics by hand on an IBM Selectric typewriter from the early ‘70s, and the photographer Brian Karlsson. It’s a unified effort meant to be enjoyed as a fully psychedelic experience of sound and vision.

Should every new record be accompanied by an art book? Absolutely, but only after the final 2,500 copies of the 15,000 we printed are sold.

In 25 words or less, why is TMBG the world’s greatest band? I’ve heard rock critic Greil Marcus declared TMBG “the opposite of rock ‘n’ roll” which is very rock ‘n roll in a sick kinda way. (25 words counting rock ‘n roll as three words.)

The world’s obviously richer for your existence, what else would make the world richer? That is a very kind thing to say but I think a living wage for all instead of a minimum wage for many would be a good start in making people richer in a meaningful way.

Of all the catastrophes facing the world right now, what is the one that’s hardest to take seriously? After the last answer, I can hear some folks just tuning out! NO ONE wants to hear a guy in a band’s thoughts on this, but I’ll try to go a bit macro. I think the biggest problems on the political landscape is a tie between folks that are packaging real catastrophes as hoaxes, and others packaging hoaxes as catastrophes. I am very tired of conspiracy theories, individuals unwilling to commit themselves to do things just for the greater good, “personal research” from surfing social media, and folks disrespecting experts who actually have spent their lives getting their heads around big problems.

You’ve been around a long time—has the music industry gotten better or worse? Well, the short answer is I think it’s simply different. It’s unquantifiable. Great for some smaller scenes, a rip-off for lots of folks in the middle, and even some at the top. But hey, as we say on the tour bus, “You wanted to be in a band!”

What was the inspiration for the album? Our projects start as songs, which is a much more manageable thing than cooking up a concept for a whole album and working backward to an overarching idea. Our albums are just collections of new songs and it’s only after they’re assembled together that the shape or the tone of where the band is currently at is measurable.

Do you guys have a favorite lyric from one of your songs? I can’t think of one specific lyric that stands out at this moment, although I can think of some that I regret! (We can discuss thosewhen we meet face-to-face.) I can think of some musical arrangements on BOOK that I am super-excited about like “If Day for Winnipeg” which sounds like an electronic music box powered entirely by nightmare fuel. That is previously uncharted territory for us.

In BOOK(the book) you list all the unique words in your lyrics: What are the three most unique? Well, the words in the list are unique in the sense that they are the separate, discrete words used in the lyrics of the album. I like the parade of names more — like Godwin of Godwin’s Law and Lord Snowdon (which I actually spelled wrong in the book. Yikes. It seems the legacy of Edward Snowden looms so large as to distract even our highly detail-oriented researcher).

Aside from being the photographer featured in BOOK(the book), who is Brian Karlsson? Brian is a Brooklynite and a Pratt graduate like myself, and our collaboration, due to the pandemic, has been entirely remote so I don’t really know him beyond his work and his work ethic which seems pretty powerful. I get the impression being a street photographer takes up a lot of hours waiting for things to happen. The designer of BOOK, Paul Sahre, discovered him via his connections in the art photography world, and we were very lucky to find someone both as talented and as new to the art scene as Brian. I am pretty certain in a few years he will be a very big deal.

I just called you guys a national treasure—reactions? As long as we’re not buried national treasure!

[ribcagecarnival]

NO. 7 (ON VILLAINY)

2021 may have begun with Olivia Rodrigo controlling the narrative, but it may very well end with Joshua Bassett at the wheel.

I’ll put the usual disclaimers--I don’t know any of these children personally, and I don’t know what actually went down behind the scenes at the turn of the last decade when a supposed love triangle supposedly fractured the hearts and egos of all involved and led to some midlevel Internet drama which ultimately took a backseat to the genuine article--Sour, the 18-year-old Rodrigo’s record-shattering debut LP. In case you missed it: Rodrigo and Bassett started dating in secret while playing an onscreen couple in a Disney+ High School Musical spinoff, Bassett broke up with Rodrigo because of their age difference - he’s almost 21 - and in a suspiciously short amount of time began dating and cutely posting with 22-year-old Sabrina Carpenter, another artist and Disney alum. Teenage digital sleuths searched for Easter eggs in the style of Rodrigo’s biggest influence, Taylor Swift, while I became consumed with the parallel’s between Rodrigo’s experience and my own--feeling disproportionately large affection for men who can never reciprocate, drowning in insecurity over the Eurocentric beauty standard that makes being cast aside in favor of a fair-skinned blonde take on an extra sharp edge, splashing the thinly veiled narrative of my heartbreak across the web. That, instead of the logistics and timeline of the real people involved, was my Met Gala.

The culture-defining “drivers license” was Sour’s lead single, and its chokehold on the popular imagination has persisted even though it dropped way back in January. Perhaps the only narrative powerful enough to displace was the tale at the center of Taylor Swift’s Red rerelease, the storied ten-minute (and explicit!) version of “All Too Well” that did its own record-breaking and spawned an endless scroll of TikTok speculation about what the scarf really means and what Jake Gyllenhaal’s publicist must be doing right now. Again, I’m less concerned with what actually happened--it’s none of my business anyway--and more with what it means for every young woman who’s ever fallen for a withholding, condescending older guy. (Admittedly though I’m concerned with the scarf. I totally thought the scarf was a metaphor. Apparently it’s a real scarf and he actually stole it AND THEN WORE IT? AND WAS PHOTOGRAPHED IN IT? Dude. Major party foul.)

It’s worth noting that Taylor Swift, like many songwriters of her ilk of all genders, has dated fewer songwriters than non-songwriters. Even though John Mayer famously used “Paper Doll” as a late retort to “Dear John,” there are few examples of musical rebuttal to the Taylor Swift Cinematic Universe. Frankly, I don’t have strong feelings about that either way. While I’m ravenous for “Style (Taylor’s Version) (feat. Harry Styles),” I will be able to go on living if it doesn’t happen. I’ve come to expect that musical explorations of relationships will flatten and distort the facts; I accept them as autofiction rather than pure autobiography; I listen knowing I will never understand the story that inspired it completely.

Enter Joshua Bassett, on the precipice of dropping a three-song EP that seems to be the auditory equivalent of a “reply all.”

Bassett has been teasing each of the three tracks on TikTok; the first one I saw opened with the line “my label said to never waste a crisis.” Clearly he’s going for directness. The songs seem to tackle hate, regret, defiance, fear--it’s a sort of anti-apoplexy, choosing to write instead of fight or fly. It’s apparent that he wants to have this conversation on his own terms. When Saturday Night Live spoofed “drivers license,” Bassett took the sharpest line at his own expense and turned it into merch (if you look up “my bitch ex Gina is Joshua Bassett,” a link to a long-sleeve bearing the slogan on his website appears). But aside from that admittedly hilarious marketing move, and posting vague messages of support about Rodrigo’s success, he’s remained quiet. His own release earlier this year didn’t seem related to Rodrigo’s aside from timing, and his public persona has been more about Harry Styles than his relationship status. Sabrina Carpenter, the “blonde girl,” released her own confusing addition to the chaos with “Skin,” which, in addition to being bizarrely braggadocious, lacked the precision and pathos of Rodrigo’s work. But now, Joshua Bassett has decided it’s his time to speak.

Bassett is much harder to paint as a villain than Gyllenhaal. The main reason is that the couple split apart on Rodrigo’s Sour is comprised of two young people, whereas the narrative on Red is about an older man who should have known better than to get involved with a girl who was newly 21. Additionally, Sour seems to traffic in gray areas--“you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor,” “and I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone,” “I guess the therapist I found for you, she really helped.” Compare that, then, with the details unraveled by the ten-minute version of “All Too Well” - “I’ll get older but your lovers stay my age,” “you call me up again just to break me like a promise,” “any time now, he’s gonna say it’s love, you never called it what it was.” In my view, part of the enjoyment of Sour was how much pain you can feel even if the other person isn’t an outright villain. It’s about how there is no way good or fair way to break someone’s heart, how seeing your ex with someone new can sting no matter how much time passes. What’s compelling, then, is Bassett writing his half of the story, grappling with the guilt of breaking the heart of someone he genuinely cared for, the limits of grace when you, too, are a child trying to love and be loved, and the world is hell-bent on calling you the problem. Admittedly, I thought back to a failed almost-relationship of my own, when my subtweets about the grief wounded the person who left me. Time has passed and we are friends and we both finally see each other for who we are--not egomaniacs, not dreams or ideals, but people.

I don’t know what I’ll ultimately think of the new Joshua Bassett project. But I think its entry into the cultural zeitgeist will force a conversation about relationships that we’ve been unable to have. For so long, people--largely women--were manipulated, abused, and broken by traumatic relationships, and the people carrying out that abuse were left unchecked. With the #MeToo movement, it has become a lot harder to dispute the pain caused by those kinds of relationships. But now the collective consciousness is failing to imagine anything beyond the binary of abuse vs. not abuse, criminal vs. legal. There is pain outside of trauma; there is trauma at scale; there is regret and there is harm and there is heartbreak. Maybe, just maybe, one day we will have room in our hearts and our culture for people to fall and to fail and then, eventually, to try again. 

[wickedpact]

dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........  late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

  B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.)  the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

  C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

  D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

  E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: 

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

  F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest. 

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

[whenyouknowyouknow]

Harry the Womanizer

 This thing started because I find the whole womanizer image of Harry absolutely disgusting and wanted people to see how utterly bad and wrong it was.

Please be aware that the following does not reflect Harry’s personality but it shows us the image their label wanted him to be seen as.

Some disclaimer about where the data comes from

written, digital coverage (no print,  1-2 videos, no radio)

google search “Harry Styles”, I looked through the first 20 hits each month but didn’t read all of them ( headlines usually are a dead giveaway if an article contains a new “conquest”)

I did not list every woman that was mentioned in the same article as Harry. Also not those that showed interest in him. But most of those that were said he showed interest in (I might have skipped a few in the worst years just bc it was so freaking disgusting)

Often articles contained offhand comments about his pulling power or unrelatedly recounting his latest conquests in any given article to enforce the womanizer image. These did not make it into the list.

Deleted articles are of course not included (as of Aug 2020)

Some of the women turn up again for a round 2 (or 3 or 4), I only mention them once a year tho

I put the women into the list on the date the news coverage happened/started because many articles date back things by saying  “pics have circulated since…” “They have been reportedly seen together since…” or simply tell a story that supposedly happened a few years prior

Some dates overlap. Thats either bc they pushed several woman at once (very effective to drive the whole womanizer image home) or its bc one woman was seeded in while the other was happening.

Because this is a freaking long post, I’ll put it under the “read more”

About the list

split by years

each year has Harrys age for that given year in brackets

each data set has in brackets the age, occupation and date of news coverage for the woman (if available)

winter gf get their own category as they sometimes overlap with other woman

Some of the woman get brought back up (not just mentioned in passing), those are listed at the end of each year with the dates when they where brought back up

“again” is for those who dated him again

Women linked to Harry

2010 (16)

5(?) girls from bootcamp

Cher Loyd (17, txf fellow contestant, Oct)

unnamed girl fan (13.11.)

2011 (17)

Adele (23, singer, 27.09.)

Sarita Borge (record executive, 29.11.)

2011-2012

Caroline Flack (31, txf, 23.10.-27.01.)

2012 (18)

Pixie Geldoff (21, 09.02.)

Alexa Chung (28, model, 16.02)

Alexandra Burke (23, txf, 20.02.)

Jo Wood (56, ex of Ronny Wood 21.02.)

Denise Welch (54, actress, 21.02.)

Georgia May Jagger (20, Mick Jagger daughter, 21.02.)

Sarah-Louise Colivet (24, photographer, 11.04.)

Lily Halpern (19, singer, 11.04.)

Jillian Harris (32, reality TV star, 13.04.)

Emma Ostilly (18, actor for Gotta be You MV -  22.04.) 

Ellis Calcutt (18(?), friend, deniedm, 30.04.)

Emily Atack (22, TV star, 20.05.)

unnamed girl (Article about her one night stand with H, 06.06.)

Lucy Horobin (32, radio presenter, 24.06., dated back to Aug-Oct 2011)

Caggie Dunlop (23, TV star, 12.07.)

Allyssa Reid (19, singer, 23.07.)

Blond girl with pink bag (from a night out, 26.07.)

Cara Delevingne (19, Model, 05.08.)

Natalie Imbruglia (37, singer actress 28.09.)

 2012-13

Taylor Swift (22 singer 19.10.-07.01. (fling dated back to April 2012 then getting back together)

2013 (19)

Hermione Way (27, reality star, 08.01.)

Millie Brady (18, actress, 24.02.)

Shaniece Nesbitt (fan, 11.03.)

Yvette Fielding (44, TV presenter, 11.03.)

Fia Litton (niece of Preston Mahon (security), 14.03)

Chelsea Ferguson (25, stripper, 14.04)

Kimberly Stewart (33, confirmed by Rod, 27.04.)

Camilla Foss (18, fan in oslo, 09.05.)

Kara Rose Marshall (22, model, 03.07.)

Alexis Allen (19, fan, 21.07.)

Cara Delevingne (20, model, 11.09.)

Paige Reifler (17, model, 30.09.)

Sjana Earp (18, model, 25.10.)

Samantha Armytage (36, TV presenter, 27.10.)

Daisy Lowe (24, model, 01.12.)

Caroline Flack (brought back up, 01.02./11.09.)

2013-14

Kendall Jenner (17, model, 21.10. - 23.02)

2014 (20)

mystery brunette (20.01.)

Alison Mosshart (35, singer, 07.03.)

Daisy Lowe (25, model, 11.04.)

Larissa de Macedo Machado (21, brazilian popstar, 08.05.)

Lou Teasdale (30, hairdresser, 26.05.)

Sinitta (45, Smons ex, 22.07.)

Paige Reifler (18, again, model, 25.07.)

Meghan Trainor (20, singer, 27.08.)

blond woman (at Coldplay concert, 18.09.)

Katy Perry (29, singer, 01.10.)

Erin Foster (31, 08.10.)

Kate Moss (40, model, 03.11.)

two blond woman (leaving a club in LA with H, 30.11.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 12.02./02.03./20.08./14.10./04.12.)

Emily Atack (brought back up, 23.03.)

Caroline Flack (brought back up, 26.03.)

2014-15

Nadine Leopold (20, model, 20.12.- 12.03.)

2015 (21)

Emma Watson (24, actress, 14.01. dated back to 26.12.14)

Suki Waterhouse (23, actress, 05.04.)

Joy Muggli (23, talent agent, 12.05.)

Sara Sampaio (23, model, 15.06.)

Georgia Fowler (22, model, inspiration for Kiwi, 15.10.)

Nicole Scherzinger (34, singer, 17.10., dated back to 2013)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 15.01./13.02./10.03./08.05./13.10./28.10.)

Caroline Flack (brought back up, 24.05./11.10.)

2015-16

Kendall Jenner (again, 30.12.- 31.01.)

2016 (22)

Pandora Lennard (28, model 31.01.)

Lindsay Lohan (30, actress, 10.03., dated back unspecified)

Kendall Jenner (again, 05.09.)

Kara Rose Marshall (brought back up, 07.10.)

Suki Waterhouse (again + dated back to 2013, 11.11.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 01.02.)

2017 (23)

Tess Ward (26, food blogger, 09.05.)

Townes Adair Jones (20s, 17.05., dated back to 2014)

Camille Rowe (31, model, 31.07.)

Sjana Earp (22, again, 05.12.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 18.04./12.05./03.09./09.11.)

Kendall Jenner (brought back up, 31.01.)

2018 (24)

Delta Goodrem (33, voice coach, 27.04.) 

Camille Rowe (ends 31.07.)

Kendall Jenner (brought back up, 15.07./12.12.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 21.03./)

2019 (25)

Kiko Mizuhara (28, denied by K, 12.01.)

Camille Rowe (brought back up, 22.11.)

Kendall Jenner (brought back up, 11.12.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 23.08./04.11./13.12.)

2020 (26)

Daisy Lowe (brought back up, 20.06.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 02.03./24.07.)

data from here on is not included in the graphs, I will keep adding when things happen

Tracee Ellis Ross (48, actress, 28.10.)

The age differences

The graph shows clearly how

the age gaps are very big in the beginning, likely to attract an older audience in addition to the usual target audience of teenage girls

the amount of woman linked to Harry gets smaller each year because in later years, articles could just reference his history with woman

the amount of woman linked and mentioned in regards to Harry gets significantly lower after hiatus started

A rough timeline of women that where connected to Harry over the years

Why give Harry the womanizer image?

Would the image of a womanizer not damage the image of 1D?

If they’d portrait him as a sleeze it would have surely damaged the overal image of 1D. But Harrys image portrait him as charming, a bit quirky and overall an airhead that likes people and doesn’t want to be tied down. Thus giving the illusion of being potentially available to every woman and showing them a good, no strings attached, time. Which is a massive selling point for boybands to increase the age range of their fans.

In addition, all his conquests would be used to stir up drama or simply generate attention at crucial times to get 1D in the press without mentioning their current promo focus in every headline.

The winter girlfriends had a special role as they were the only ones actively worked as continuous dating. To build some attachment, have a continuous storyline that could be tied to the just released album and bridge the holiday pause, and when the relationship ended generate more drama to be used for promo.

Harry did keep on using his womanizer image to promote both his solo albums but in a very controlled manner. The numbers of new woman linked to him declined to 1 in 2019, for now we are at 0 (1) in 2020

HS promo used 3 woman as inspirations for songs (Towns, Fowler, Swift) and a tour gf (Rowe)

FL promo only uses the previous tour gf as now ex to push the storyline of a breakup album

He is very visibly changing his image while still maintaining a level of connection to his old image. Whether that's due to contractual restrictions or a strategy to not alienate to many fans is unclear

Jeff Azoff

For what I’ve seen Jeff and Harry seem close (the Azoff family having him on family pictures, posted by Jeff’s brother)

Looking at the timeline of Jeff and Harry

2014-03-25 first mention of Harry at Azoff family home in an article about Irvin

2014-04-23 first pics of Harry and Jeff at a sports event (Jeff named as a friend, no name or position yet)

2014-12-22 Jeff not named yet but identified as his agent

2015-01-10 first time Jeff being named and being the link between Harry and a woman

2016-03-07 Jeff leaves CAA as a music agent and launches his own company Full Stop Management

2016-03-11 Harry confirmed to have joined Full Stop Management

Jeff likely took over as Harry’s agent in early 2014. In 2015 Harry’s image change starts to become aparent and changed drastically after hiatus.

Harry choosing Jeffs management firm as soon as he left Modest is a clear indication that he feels Jeff will represent him how he wants

The Timeline - Women connected to Harry and Promo

I started the visual timeline in end 2011 when his womanizer image started to take off

The instances before where likely used as seeding for this image (first instance was a segment in txf where he was linked to 5 of the girl contestants and funny enough one older guy)

purple - women from the entertainment industry

pink - fans/no-names

lilac - winter gf

dark burgundy - thos who date him again

dusky pink - brought back up

light blue - single release

royal blue - album release

mid blue - other releases

dark turquoise - tour legs

Adendum: a few numbers analyzed,

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Hi guys! As promised to that Anon, I wrote the timelines. I decided to write only the key points though because these are things we already know, and then, I’m sure there are more than a thousand proofs around and people who have already spoken about it. Enjoy.

Drum roll, please 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Let’s start with the first competitor: Tyrone William Griffin, aka Typical Dish Snacked Ty Dolla $ign 04/13/1982, the man who liked to tweet things like “I’m the curator of lesbians”.

PRen Tyren: As I already mentioned in the post “There is a light at the end of the tunnel”, it all started on the evening of November 15, 2016, when 5H went to the Epic party. Due to Laucy’s picture of the wedding and the ‘official’ coming out then occurred a few days later, on November 18, 2016, Lauren needed a boyfriend. That same night at the party, Typecast accepted the management’s proposal.

Typo tweeted “LMJ” on January 4, 2017, and then immediately deleted it. First move to create speculation since, presumably, Lauren ‘was’ still with Ludicrous. Shortly thereafter, a blind item about L who was having an affair with a married man came out. On January 10, 2017, Nicole Cartolano posted that picture of Laucy in the snow with a piñata. After wishing her a happy birthday, as we already know, luBYE. On February 13, 2017, there were the first PRren pictures at the Grammy after-party, so that people would start believing the blind item, BUT, making it clear that he wasn’t a married man, but a taken one, and yes, MAN, since Tyred is 14 years older than her, and therefore inculcating the idea that L was really cheating on Luggage. On March 9, 2017, Tymbal posted a picture of them together, coincidentally, the day after he advertised his upcoming album ‘Beach House 3’.

On March 22, 2017, we had ‘Bare With Me’ and Nicole Cartolano’s interview with MTV News. On the 23rd, we had, still very coincidentally and totally unplanned, “no I hate it because it’s invasive, scary, delusional, disrespectful to us both and was never real…Ever”, because, because, SHE DECIDES. NOT US. PERIOD. (sorry, I had to 😂. This is another of L’s tweets dating back to July 2, 2017: “I decide. Not you. Period.”) Joking apart, because she was single and she certainly couldn’t let the fans have hope for her and C, so she tried to kill the Camren ship for the umpteenth time. “Hey, hey, Lo, how’d it go? That bad, eh?” “Let me try again in 2020.” “Laur, babe, I’ll tell you what. I’m from the future, okay? It didn’t work, honey. And I don’t think it’s gonna work either in, I don’t know, in 2030.”

Back to the program.

The day before Nicole’s MTV article and eight days later, Twix posted a series of tweets (21: “Lo” - 30: “You look better on me 👀”, Cuban flag, and “I think she like me 😍”) [👈🏼 ‘Great grammar’ said in Lauren’s voice] which he then of course deleted to make everything more and more mysterious, and thus making people connect and figure out who was that ‘LMJ’ tweeted in January. On April 14, 2017, we had a picture of L with TyPod and his family dating back the night before when they celebrated Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’s birthday, followed by the blurred picture of the 15th of them together at Coachella. On April 18, 2017, Alycia Bella, Tinky Winky’s ex, tweeted “when you get cheated on w a 5th harmony member & all you can do is laugh.”, and then immediately deleted it, thus giving even more confirmation to people that both had cheated, despite Teletubbies denied and defended himself: “been moved on :) no cheating. Keep it Taylor’d. gang gang 🤘🏽🤘🏽”. The same Alycia who complained of being cheated on by Telly for ‘another girl’ during the reality show ‘The Platinum Life’ which aired on October 15, 2017 and that was recorded MONTHS BEFORE.

There were other tweets that Tyronic continued to tweet and then delete (April 1: “I think about you all the time” - April 3: “You my favorite” and “I don’t know what I did to deserve you” - April 7: “Really like what you’ve done to me”), Insta-stories and posts by both, and other public appearances together to increase the public’s curiosity. Such as: 1) Mani’s birthday. 2) August 16, 2017, when 5H did that famous and messy phone interview with The Sun for Dan Wooton’s podcast, one of Salmoned Cow’s well-known puppies friends, during which Dan asked Lauren about his relationship with Twinkly and she replied that they were just vibing. 3) Lauren’s birthday. 4) On September 11, 2017, Lauren posted pictures about the FentyxPuma party, and in one of those posts with pictures of her and Troglodyte, she put the caption with three hearts emojis, thus confirming to people that she and Tipsy were together.

February 2017 was the chosen month for Pukeren to ‘become’ official, confirmed by Typed in an interview at the Power 105.1 FM morning show The Breakfast Club on October 31, 2017, though, so a long time later and when the waters had already calmed down. By saying February, Tyring confirmed the cheatings exactly as it was planned. In another interview with BigBoyTV made on November 2, 2017, Typology showed the interviewees how even the background of his phone was a picture of Lauren. Picture that, by the way, Lauren herself posted 21 days before that by wearing Tijuana’s merchandise sweatshirt, so not even a personal picture that you’d normally expect to see from a real boyfriend.

Blah blah blah, Lauren never needed to defend a person so much in her life, blah blah blah, weed and booze and parties, blah blah blah, dogs (and fake allergies when convenient), blah blah blah, #Laurenthegroupie, blah blah blah, Tara and social media don’t get along very well, blah blah blah, #freepoorTweed ⛓️👮🏼 who was just having some fun with his friends, blah blah blah. We know the rest of the farce, and moving on to two years later, and therefore at the end of the PR, on April 15, 2019, Tic Tac tweeted a broken heart before zeroing his social media and Lauren a post on her social media, both implying the end of their oh so real ‘relationship’.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Let’s move on to competitor number two: Maturely Hushed Matthew Hussey, 06/19/1987. The scammer par excellence (since 2012). The salesman who pretends to be a life coach/dating advice expert by deluding poor women who fall into his bullshit. The charlatan who has an infinity of fraud charges and even a restraining order for stalking and harassment by a woman named Samantha C. of San Diego. [this woman continually talked about the situation on her Instagram account, cheating_matthewhussey. Even Chelsea Briggs liked a picture.]

Ewmila Mattmila: The skit was supposed to start a lot sooner in reality. They ‘met’ for the first time on September 29, 2017, on the set of NBC’s Today show (performance that C dedicated to the Dreamers), but nobody has heard much about it, right? There was only a single Billboard article that did that. Following that meeting, it was supposed to start in October 2017, when they also started to follow each other on IG, but everything was postponed because C’s album was postponed. The album was released on the 12th, and by pure coincidence, on January 11th, 2018, during the interview with Elvis Duran, and COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE, C mentioned Matilda for the first time by saying she was a fan of his. The same Mattress (10 years older than her) who coincidentally was there that day, so a setup for the public to make believe that they’d met that day.

The next day, at the release of the album ‘Camila’, C performed at Good Morning America, and Macaque, again by pure coincidence, had a small slot in the same program. On January 15, 2018, during the interview with Zane Lowe, when he asked if she had someone special in her life at that time, she replied with “maybe”, which was a big yes when she read “I can’t say your name without smiling” just before from her phone notes. On January 22, 2018, on Zach Sang Show, C said that she’s a private person and that she doesn’t like the ‘public thing’ since the Austin fiasco. Another bullshit said to make the public believe that it was the truth and take advantage of the events that would happen shortly thereafter, since, literally 18 days later, on February 9, E! News exclusively posted the first Burpmila pictures on vacation on a beach in Cabo, Mexico.

Blah blah blah, we know, blah blah blah, they lived in airports to get papped, blah blah blah, they even paid fans to do it, blah blah blah, “He’s great”, blah blah blah, “She’s great”, blah blah blah, #They'reGREAT!, blah blah blah, let’s kiss in a children’s playground #Sinu #needyCamila #someonepleaseteachStMatteohowtoholdagirl #SofiwasdecidingwhethertoreturntotheSagradaFamiliaorgoontheswingratherthanwitnessthatugliness, blah blah blah, let’s get to the first oh so real oh so important obstacle in their story.

On August 12, 2019, a Dutch singer named Elieve did an interview in which she confessed that she and Camila were dating the same guy (Matchbox) at the same time. Elieve was in London from the beginning of January to the beginning of February 2018 and Matzo was in London from January 14 to 19, so they met on one of those days.

Blah blah blah, let’s pretend we’ve overcome this obstacle, blah blah blah, let’s pretend we’re a super happy couple, blah blah blah, Disneyworld, blah blah blah, let’s go skiing, blah blah blah, trip to Italy, blah blah blah, Shawn’s entry, blah bl- wait… Oh yeah, it’s the second PR’s turn. Goodbye Ew! ‘Thank you very much for nothing. Bye-bye!!’ said in Lauren’s voice. End of ‘story’ on May 11, 2019, that is, the last time they were photographed together, news confirmed on June 25, 2019, only 4 days after the release of Señorita.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Even if it wasn’t part of the request, this is a bonus of mine just because.

Señorita + Shitmila Showmila Shawmila: On January 27, 2018, Camila, Shaky, and Andrew, Shavable’s manager, were papped in a restaurant eating pizza before the Pre-Grammy Gala in New York City. That meeting took place to propose the idea of ​​the PR to C to help increase both Shallow’s music sales and his image. Camila was uncertain. 2017 had been a great year for her as a first time as a solo artist, and she knew that she would’ve to play her cards even better during 2018; plus, the PR with Matryoshka hadn’t even officially started and had already been postponed for a few months because the release of her album ‘Camila’ had been postponed.

Andrew explained to her that the PR with Chauffeur wasn’t going to be done right away at all, also because as C would have her PR relationship with EatchEW, Shanty would have that kind of PR relationship/not relationship with Hailey Baldwin (now Bieber) that only served to make people speculate and maintain the idea that Shazam wasn’t gay. Andrew also explained to her that their future PR relationship would benefit both of their careers because there would be a collaboration, a number 1 hit, which they would look for and use as a launchpad for the narrative. #friendswhothenfallinlove #RomeoandJulietbullshit

This perfect duet, went first to knock on Camila’s door, and then to Shuttle’s one in April 2018 in the form of Andrew Watt who already knew everything about the charade. Watt (he also worked on Havana and 7 songs for Romance including Señorita) co-wrote the song in April 2018, shortly before contacting Shitto, along with Jack Patterson, Ali Tamposi (she also worked on Havana, Consequences, and 6 songs for Romance including Señorita), and Charli XCX. [The same Charli who did an interview on October 21, 2019, in which she gave the true version of the story without even remotely mentioning Scab: “This Latin Pop flare just wasn’t right for who I am because I am not a part of that culture, I’m not from there. Whereas Camila has that in her blood, so when we wrote the song we thought about her and sent it to her.”]

Now that they had found the perfect song, and with the addition of Benny Blanco and Cashmere Cat in the production, all they had to do was convince Camila and her team. Charli XCX and C were the opening acts for Taylor Swift’s Reputation Tour from May 8 to October 6, 2018, during which Charli tried to persuade her to do the song by explaining how perfect it was for her. And who knows, maybe even since then they started working on it together since Camila, as she used to do, rewrote almost completely the lyrics to make it more her own. Ask that also to ‘Care About Me’ who turned into ‘The Boy’.

On August 4, still during the Reputation Tour, Shampoo went to the concert date in Toronto, and Taylor posted an Insta-story in which she put make-up and glitter on Shank’s eyelids. Sweaty regretted giving Taylor permission to post the video because people have always thought he was gay for years, and on November 26, 2018, the RollingStone interview was released in which he admitted that he felt the need to be photographed and seen with a girl to prove he isn’t gay. This was a great leverage they used with Camila since she could understand and help a friend in need. The work of persuasion lasted for about 9/10 months, from January 27, 2018, to the end of November/beginning of December 2018. Indeed, on December 5, 2018, both posted a picture taken on the 4th in the backstage of KISS 108’s Jingle Ball 2018 in Boston. Thanks to those pictures and C’s comment, word of their possible future collaboration began to spread. The plan was by then in place.

P.S. remember what happens to Romeo and Juliet, don’t you? Yeah. They die. And like Romeo and Juliet, they’re gonna (metaphorically speaking, of course) die too. Be patient, my babies, be patient.

🎉the🎊end🍾

I want comments now, guys. Which of these competitors you can’t stand the most and why, I’m curious. Put this 🐙 for Tissue, this 🐽 for Matte, and this 🐔 for Shrunken accompanied by the motivation. Let’s have some fun. 🥂

🖕🏼 this is mine for all of them, by the way.

As always, thanks, Mari. 🥰 Bye guys, I love you. Always with love, F. ❤️

[bookofjin]

Rise of Sixteen States: 306

Li Xiong declares himself Emperor of Cheng.

Meanwhile Sima Yue wins the Jin civil war, and the Jin emperor dies.

31 January 306 – 18 February 307

(Jin's 1st Year of Guanxi)

(Han's 3rd Year of Yuanxi)

(Cheng's 1st Year of Yanping)

[2nd Month], jiazi [8 March], [the King of Donghai,] Yue dispatched his generals Qi Hong, Song Zhou, Sima Zuan and others to welcome the Emperor.

Summer, 4th Month, the King of Hejian, Yong dispatched the Grand Warden of Hongnong, Peng Sui, and the Grand Warden of Beidi, Diao Mo, to resist Qi Hong and others at Hu.

5th Month, renchen [4 June], Qi Hong and others fought with Diao Mo. Mo was greatly defeated. Yong and Ying ran for the Southern Mountains, and fled to Wan. The Xianbei in Hong and others' section greatly plundered Chang'an, killing more than 20 000 people.

6th Month, bingchen [28 June], New Moon, [the Emperor] arrived from Chang'an and ascended the old hall, with mournful emotion and flowing tears

Winter, 10th Month [22 November – 21 December], the Minister of Works, the King of Fanyang, Xiao, passed a away. Xiao's Senior Clerk, Liu Yu, murdered the King of Chengdu, Ying.

11th Month, gengwu [8 January], the Emperor collapsed in the Xianyang Hall. At the time he was 48 years old.

(Liu Yuan)

3rd Year of Yuanxi [306 AD], Winter, 12th Month [1 January 306 – 30 January], used his General of the Van, Liu Jing as Envoy Holding Tally, Great Chief Controller of Conquering and Chastising. He intercepted and struck the Inspector of Bing province, Liu Kun, at Banqiao [“Ban Bridge”], and was defeated by Kun. Kun thereupon occupied Jinyang. His Palace Attendant Liu Yin and Brilliantly Blessed Grandee of the Right Wang Yu advanced to admonished Yuan, saying:

Your Highness, since [you] raised troops and onwards, bit by bit there has already been a single cycle, yet [we have] solely defended merely a region, the kingly power is not yet shaking. If indeed [you] were able to instruct the generals to set out in four directions and determine the moment with a single throw, to put on display Liu Kun's head, settle East of the He, establish the title of Emperor, strike the drums to march and go south, overcome Chang'an then make the capital there, and use the multitudes of Guanzhong to roll up Luoyang, is like pointing to your palm, that is all. These were means by which August Emperor Gao created and began the vast foundation, overcoming and exterminating strong Chu.

Yuan was pleased and said:

This is in an Orphan's heart.

Yuan advanced to occupy Hedong. He attacked and robbed Puban and Pingyang, both were lost to him. Yuan thereupon entered to have his capital at Puzi. The counties, ramparts and fortifactions belonging to Hedong and Pingyang fully surrendered.

(WS001 & WS095: 11th Year [305 AD], Liu Yuan attacked Sima Teng. Teng again begged for troops. Emperor Huan [Tuoba Yitou] personally led 10 000 light cavalry to save Teng, he beheaded Yuan's general Qiwu Tun. Yuan fled south to Puzi.)

(JS062: Liu Yuan at the time was at Lishi, the distance between them was more or less 300 li Kun secretly dispatched to go among the assorted miscreants of his section. The surrendered were more than 10 000 groups. Yuan was very much afraid. He thereupon walled Puzi and settled there.)

(Li Xiong)

1st Year of Yanping [“Cloudless Peace”], 3rd Month [31 March – 29 April], Fan Changsheng drove in a plain cart to go to Chengdu from Xishan [lit. “Western Mountain”]. Xiong welcomed him at the great gate, held an official's tablet and led him in to sit. Changsheng requested Xiong sit face to face. Then he was designated Imperial Chancellor and was venerated as Fan the Worthy. Changsheng urged Xiong to declare the venerated title.

His junior cousin Zhi was Liu's son. Since he did not accompany the ranked order, he executed him.

Summer, 6th Month [28 June – 26 July], Xiong hence presumptuously acceded to the Emperor's throne. A great amnesty, and changed the year [to Yanping]. The state was titled Great Cheng. He retroactively venerated his father Te as the Luminous [jing] Emperor, with the temple title First Founder [shizu]. His mother, Ms. Luo, became August Empress Dowager.

(JS004: 2ndYear [of Yongxing], … 6th Month [8 July – 6 August 305], … Li Xiong presumptuously acceded to the Emperor's throne, the state was titled Shu. … 8th Month [5 September – 4 October 305], Li Xiong dispatched his general Li Xiang# to rob Han'an.)

(Since other sources agree that Li Xiong declared himself emperor in 306, JS004 appear to be mistaken in placing it in the year before, in 305. Li Xiang#'s attack on Han'an is not recorded in other sources, so it is unclear if this event should then also be moved to 306, 8thMonth [26 August – 23 September 306].)

10thMonth[22 November – 21 December], added to Fan Changsheng to be Grand Teacher of Heaven and Earth (HYGZ: Grand Teacher of the Four Seasons, the Eight Nodes, Heaven and Earth), ennobled Marquis of Xishan (WS: King of Xishan). Also his private retinue was not to prepare for army campaigns, and their taxes and levies were all to enter his household.

(HYGZ: [Fan] the Worthy's name was Changsheng [“Long Life”], one name him Yanjia [“Lengthy-lasting”], and also name him Jiuzhong [“Nine-Doubled”]. One calls him Zhi, courtesy name Yuan. He was a native of Danxing in Fuling.)

(The “Eight Nodes” of the year were the equinoxes, the solstices, and the beginning of each season.)

Xiong at the time had roughly began to establish a state, and habitually had no laws or systems. The various generals put their confidence in his graciousness, and each contended for the distributed ranks. His Prefect of the Masters of Writing, Yan Shi, sent up a missive, saying:

In all cases when making a state's regulations and laws, it is always best to continue the old. In the former affairs of Han and Jin, only the Grand Commandant and the Great Marshal managed troops. The Grand Tutor and Grand Guardian were offices for a father or older brother, posts for discussing the Way. The Minister over the Masses and the Minister of Works were in charge of the five teachings and the proportions of the nine soils. Qin set up the Imperial Chancellor with overall leadership of the ten thousand moments. At the end of Wu of Han, he went beyond to use the Great General to control government affairs.

Now state and patrimony are just now founded, and all the hundred are not yet ready. When the various excellencies and great generals are distributed rank proportionally, they yield and then warily request to arrange and set up. This and the standards of the past odes do not correspond, [we] should establish rules and norms to use as models and systems.

Xiong followed him.

(Record of Past and Present Blades and Swords: Li Xiong of Later Shu in the 1st Year of Yanping made 500 blades, the text said “Mount the Horse” in the clerical script.)

(Zhang Gui)

1st Year of Guanxi [306 AD], Emperor Hui collapsed. He dispatched Senior Clerk Beigong Chun, Marshal Zhang Zuan, Separate Carriage Yin Jian to offer a petition at the Imperial Capital.

That Year, he greatly walled Guzang. Its walls had originally been built by the Xiongnu, south to north they were 7 li and east to west 3 li long. The ground had a dragon-like shape, and for that reason it was named Wolong [“Sleeping Dragon”] City.

Earlier, at the end of Han, the Broad Scholar Hou Jin of Dunhuang spoke to the people of his group, saying:

Later, the spring water west of the city will dry up, and there will be a pair of watch towers erected on its bank, they and the eastern gate will gaze on each other. From their middle there will be a hegemon setting out.

Arriving at the middle of Wei's Jiaping era [249 – 253], the commandery officials indeed erected a school building, and built a pair of watch towers beside the spring. They and the eastern gates actually gazed on each other.

Also there was a guest who appraised [his?] seal and said:

Fortune will transmit to the sons and grandsons, and the oldest will have the Western Xia. When the Passes and Luo are overturned and lost, the lands of Liang alone will be kept whole.

Reaching this point, the Zhang clan thereupon were hegemons in Hexi [“West of the He”].

[velianmagicalgirl]

A Letter to my Favorite Person

So I wrote this thing for Bono... I started working on it last night but I severely underestimated both how much I wanted to write and how long it would take me to write it so I had to finish it up today. So I guess in that I discovered that me and B have something in common. We're both writers and we both turn everything we write into novels because we are incapable of writing anything short. So here it is, I'm putting it under a cut because like I said, it's quite long (3500 words). It's also full of sappiness the likes of which you've never seen before. So just be prepared for that. You've been warned. But otherwise, enjoy :) (and Bono if you read this I'd not know whether to be super happy and amazed or to throw myself out the nearest window...)

Okay, so how do I even start something like this… Believe it or not, I’m not always the best at expressing my emotions or how I feel to other people. It’s not that I don’t know how I feel, I’m pretty good at that, but when it comes to talking about it, that’s where the words just kind of leave me. I guess I just kind of worry that if I truly express what I say, people won’t understand what I mean or something like that. And because of the fact that I tend to experience emotions very strongly, I worry that I might come off as too much to people.

But screw it, a lesson I’m in the middle of learning is that for people you care about, it’s important to communicate with them and tell them how you feel because, well, nobody’s a mind reader.

And well, I just have a lot to say and I want to say it. So here goes (prepare for ultimate sappiness the likes of which you have never seen before. You’ve been warned)

So, to my dearest Bono, the man who has changed my life, I just want to say… thank you? Wow, like you’ve never heard that before, right? But who says hearing “thank you” a lot is a bad thing? Obviously if a lot of people thank you for something, then you’ve done something right, and something right you’ve done indeed.

Obviously I’m sure that on some level you know just how much your music and you yourself have helped people, touched them, made their lives better, etc. I mean, you could see it every night when you got up on that stage in front of all those thousands of people. But those stadiums can only hold a few thousand people at a time and there are so many more people around the world that have been touched by you; your words, your songs, your activism and the fact that you actually go out there and attempt to make a positive impact on the world.

It reminds me of how in Paris in 2015 the entire audience sang the whole first verse of One without you having to do anything. The look on your face said it all about how happy you were, and how amazed you were. Or how, in Berlin in 2018 when you lost your voice during Beautiful Day, I’m sure you were terrified, but you didn’t need to be because the audience picked up the words and sang for you. You told them “thank you” afterwards, like you’re always so surprised at what people would do for you, or how much you inspire others, but you don’t need to be, because just that kind of guy.

I was originally going to write a poem or something, before I decided on writing this because I felt it was easier for me to get out everything I wanted to say like this, but one of the lines I thought of for the poem went a little something like this:

There is a man that has everything But he gives it away like nothing There is a man that has everything But he gives it away for nothing There is a man that has everything But he gives it to those who have nothing

I was just thinking about this the other night and it just kind of came to me that “wow, here is a man who has quite literally everything but is also incredibly humble and kind to everyone to the point where nobody that’s met him has ever had a bad thing to say about him,” and I just kind of thought to myself “wow.” I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I just wanted to point that out. I guess my point is that, you look out in the world and sometimes it’s so easy to get overwhelmed by all the darkness and the terrible things that people sometimes do, that it’s also easy to forget that there are still good people out there that are doing their best to make the world a better place for no other reason than because they want to, and because they think it’s the right thing to do. People like that are pure souls; they are rare but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. And you sir, are one of those people. You may not want to be called that but it’s the truth. It kind of reminds me of the Lord of the Rings quote, “there’s still some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for,” and of course, the lyrics to Song for Someone/13 , “if there is a dark, then we shouldn’t doubt that there is a light, don’t let it go out.” Honestly, I think this may be one of the most important lyrics in any of your songs because it is just such a universally important message. Whenever you’re going through a hard time, it’s important to remember that there is a light, that you are not alone, that the darkness can be fought.

But anyway, going back to what I first said, you may have some idea of the amount of people’s lives you changed but do you really know just how many that is? And over the course of so many years? That must be an impossibly huge number.

But anyway, after this stupidly long preamble (preramble) I guess I should finally get to the whole entire point of this letter or whatever you’d call it. But hey, I guess that’s one thing we both have in common right? Everything we write turns out to be insanely long and rambly. And tagenty. What was I saying? Oh, right.

I just wanted to say that you mean a lot to me. I am one of those uncountable people that you’ve helped in some way. In a myriad of ways actually. In so many ways.

Over the past year, my mood has gone up and down like a rollercoaster for obvious reasons. Sometimes it was so hard to be positive about anything when you looked out into the world. Sometimes I would just give into despair. What were any of us doing? What was the point of anything anymore? But other days I would feel great. I would feel like I was a better person than I was before. And I would be so happy and grateful for all the friends I’ve made that I didn’t have before. And then I would go back down again. It was a real rollercoaster, and still is.

Basically, what I’m saying is, a friend once told me not too long ago that “U2 has a habit of coming into your life right when you most need them,” and looking back on that, I can say she was right. It all happened on December 25th, 2019, you know, Christmas. I was thinking of buying myself a record player but it turns out my parents were nice enough to buy one for me. Of course they got me some records to go along with it. There were a lot of them actually, but I don’t really remember them. I just remember the one that stood out to me more than the others: The Joshua Tree by U2. I actually got really excited when I saw it because I had actually heard it before, a long time ago but I never actually got around to listening to the whole thing, so I was happy that now I had the chance. I don’t think my mom realized what she had started when she did that, and neither did I at the time. I’m not going to recount the whole entire story here because that’ll take too long (that’s another story) but basically that was the moment that U2 and you too (wink wink) entered my life. And what happened a few months later? The entire world changed.

But you know what? It was okay because I had you there. Suddenly it was like I had a new friend there with me, and anytime I wanted a reprieve from the world outside, all I had to do was ask. You could make me smile, you could make me laugh, you could make me cry, but in a good way. I immersed myself in all the stories of things you had done for people, putting your kindness on display. How you could make someone’s entire day just by smiling at them. I would read those stories and I would get this feeling like my heart would burst and I would get this huge dopey smile on my face and then I would go scream into a pillow to get out some of the emotion. And then I would feel silly because here I was, a 21 year old girl, sitting alone in my room, and the guy I was basically tripping over was 59, about to turn 60! And now he’s 60, about to turn 61! And I am still only 22. But you know what, that doesn’t matter, because sometimes people are just that good, and you’re one of those people.

I remember reading one story in particular about some kids who were sitting outside your studio. You saw them, got out of the car and went up to them and signed the albums they had. You could’ve stopped at just that, you’d already made their days, you’d already given them enough happiness to power an entire country for a year, and certainly nobody would expect you to do more. But you did. You allowed them to come into your car and you drove them around for a bit while showing them a preview of How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. And I just thought to myself, “who does that? Surely this can’t be real? Surely this person can’t be real,” but you are real. And you really did do that. And for no other reason than out of the kindness of your own heart. You didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to do any of that. But you did. Because you’re just that kind of guy. Later on in the story, Larry mentions to the reporter who was in the car when this happened, that “he really has this insatiable urge to be all things to all people, even when we try and stop him,” and I think that’s the perfect way to describe it. Making other people happy is genuinely something you enjoy and you will go out of your way to do it for no other reason than because you know just how happy you will make those people.

And then I’m sure my parents saw what was happening and they laughed and teased me and said “oh there she goes” and yeah, they were right, there I went. And here I am still am. I don’t even know if this is making any sense anymore but sometimes, when you’re telling someone how you feel, it doesn’t always make sense. Because emotions, these weird tricky little things of the human experience, don’t always make sense. But what I mean to say does make sense, at least in the way that these kinds of things can.

These things that I feel aren’t just surface level little crushes. I think they are more than that. Because it isn’t just about how you look or the fact that you are a singer or whatever (although those things are nice I must admit, especially the first one ;) ) but something deeper. It’s because everything you do, everything you say, comes from your heart. Everything you do oozes that sweet beautiful passion of someone who really means what they say, and lives it. You’ve said it yourself before, when you’re singing, you’re not merely just singing the songs, you are living them, you are them and I think that’s beautiful. And in an era of fake people, I think that is a big part of what drew me to you. I think I could tell by watching you and listening to you that you weren’t like the others, you were real and you lived every second of it.

And I just think it’s great to have someone to look up to that is real and undeniably himself. I could learn from that. Really, I could learn a lot of things from you. Because you are so wise and intelligent, sometimes I am just wowed by the things you manage to say. You know a lot of things about the world that I couldn’t know simply because of experience. I guess you could say that I am innocence and you are experience. It’s very interesting when innocence and experience can interact with each other. The experience sees the forgotten youth and the innocence sees the wiseness and intelligence that comes with having lived the world. And both of them can learn from each other.

And for a man that is so unapologetically, so unabashedly, so undeniably himself, I could learn a thing or two from that too. I’ve always watched you be loud and proud, say what you want, be spontaneous, and go out on a whim. Whenever there was something you wanted to do, you would just do it, (whether you should’ve or not) and sure, that’s left you in a few bad situations, but you still did something. You were never left wondering “what if?” You have always been a man of action and I admire that about you. You’ve never been one to care about what others thought of you and that is something that I admire so so much. Me, not to be dramatic, but I feel like that was stamped out of me some time ago. I find myself always caring about what people think, even if those people aren’t even around. I feel like I can hear them in my head when I’m alone, just trying to do something I enjoy. And sometimes I start to wonder if it’s really other people or if it’s really just me. But I need to learn to be unapologetically me, just like you. Because after all, I’m the only person who can, right? So maybe if you stick around for a bit longer, I can do that. But only if you stick around.

Because of all that, you really are such an inspiration to me. You’re really someone who goes after what you want instead of just sitting there wondering what other people would think. And maybe I should do that too.

You’ve shown me the power of song, the way that music can move our souls and transcend us to that other place. Music is an amazing thing I think, and I’m sure you agree. It has the unique power to transcend barriers and bring people from many different places together. And I’ve been constantly wowed by your ability to write. So much of music is empty these days it seems, but you fill that hole with your irresistible passion once again.

Everything you write comes from the heart, and where else could it come from but there? I don’t think it’s possible to write the things you do without throwing your entire soul into it, which is what you do. And when you sing those same songs, the passion is on another level. It really is infectious, contagious, irresistible and incredible, it pours out and spreads over everyone like a wave until they’re all caught up in this feeling, this high that takes you to another place, if only for a few minutes. While you’re there you can find important answers to things that you wouldn’t have found otherwise. It’s a magical place.

And I think I understand just how that feels from your perspective now. When I’m alone and there’s no one around, I like to sing too. I’m not very good, in fact, I listened to myself once and wanted to throw my entire computer out the window, and I beat myself up over it for days. I told myself “how could you possibly think you were good? You don’t even know anything” and then I started thinking “what’s the point if I’m not even good?” but then, a few days later, I realized that it doesn’t really matter whether you’re good or not, what matters is if you enjoy it, if you have fun, if, in that moment, you feel like you’re releasing something held captive in your soul, if you’re telling the world (even if that world is just your bedroom) what you have to say. What matters is if, in that moment, you go to that other place. And, if you do, then that’s really all that matters.

So, because of you, because of your passion, your refusal to be anything other than unapologetically you, I think I will try. And maybe someday, we’ll meet and sing a duet together (HA!).

Another thing I love about you is your dedication to the things you love and care about. I have a feeling that anyone who knows you personally is very privileged because they get to know one of the kindest, sweetest, and most caring people there is. And of course who benefits from that the most? Of course your special woman, Ali. I used to think that such beautiful relationships like that weren’t possible in the real world, and that they only existed in fiction but it makes me happy to see that they are possible. Maybe not possible for everyone, but just the fact that they are possible at all makes me happy.

A friend told me that she met you once, in Boston in 2018. She called out your name and you looked at her, your eyes met and she forgot everything she had been meaning to say, but according to her, that was alright because your expression softened like you just knew what she wanted to say. And you know what? I believe it, because that’s just the kind of person you are. Kind, gentle, sweet, and softhearted, with eyes that can see right through us (and hopefully they’re not afraid of anything they’ve seen). I know I said at the beginning of this that it’s important to communicate because people aren’t mind readers but scratch that, maybe you are one, and I’m not writing all of this because I want you to know, but just because I wanted to be the one to tell you.

And finally, I just want to say, on a more personal note (as if this whole entire thing hasn’t been personal) I am so grateful that you came into my life. I feel like I was saved in a way. At the beginning of 2020, the world outside was good, but the world inside me wasn’t quite so. I don’t want to go into details because honestly, it’s just too embarrassing to think about and sometimes I wish I could just forget it all, but for a few years before that moment on Christmas morning, I had lost my way. I had strayed from the path and stumbled into somewhere strange where I shouldn’t have been, and I was stumbling about, constantly trying to make sense of where I was and I just kept falling. But then on that morning, and over the next few months, a light appeared. It called to me and showed me how to get out of the place I had fallen into. And when I had finally gotten out, there was a man standing there with gorgeous blue eyes and the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. He reached out his hand towards me and I grabbed it.

And so, over the next few months, even as the world outside turned dark and scary, the world inside me had turned into a light. Even as the world outside turned dark and scary with so many questions, so many unknowns, it was okay, because you were there. The first new thing that I had seen from you was in March 2020 when you put out that song you called “Let Your Love Be Known” and I think that’s what I’m doing right about now. I’m letting my love be known.

I know that in reality, you probably wouldn’t want to hear all this stuff practically elevating you to God status or something, but as you’ve said before, you already have a messianic complex, so why not puff it up a bit?

But for real, thank you. Thank you for existing, thank you being a light, thank you for being there, thank you for helping me.

Just thank you.

[technobladetimestamps]

Nov 16 Stream Timestamps

Timestamps from Technoblade’s “THE REVOLUTION (dream SMP)”

Link to my youtube comment with all of the timestamps x

Timestamps with hyperlinks below

02:13  “This is a surprise tool which will help us later” / thumbnail isn’t foreshadowing / video thumbnails have to be big / stream thumbnails can be detailed 05:17  “The traitor is actually Jschlatt” / firework crafting 09:50  “The ratio is impeccable” 13:23  “Dream’s in the game! My audience retention rate” / vc with Tubbo & Quackity / traitor Jschlatt theory / “Are you high?” “A little” 14:47  “You’re a bit of a wildcard” “I am the most consistent character on the entire server” / “What’s this about getting into power” / “We’ll burn this bridge when we get to it” 15:54  “You really are such an English major” / “You’re an idiom” / malaphor / “I’m actually speaking twice as much English as you guys” 18:07  “I think Thunder is overcompensating in the chat” / “Where can you see me” “In my heart” (Karl & Quackity) / Karl not leaving vc 20:33  vc with Niki / “Did Tubbo just leave me? I spaced out for 2 seconds” / “You can’t call everyone the traitor” “I can & will” 22:45  “You know it’s an event when Skeppy’s here” / “You know it’s a big deal when Georgenotfound wakes up” / “Everyone leaves me” 23:31  explaining the traitor thing to Niki / “Maybe I’m a sleeper agent” / had to kill Tubbo 25:03  nothing happened with that creeper / Fundy interrogating Niki / “Why did I train her for MCC” 25:54  “Even YOU’RE leaving me” / sad music / “I’m sitting here with 203k viewers & it’s not enough for any of these streamers to bear talking to me for more than 60 seconds” / Skeppy joins vc to immediately leave 28:50  Karl has a gift for Techno / Karl is just here for the animatic 32:21  “At least the chat won’t leave me” / pays for his music 35:01  “I’m going to destroy the government so bad” / “I hate all of the farming updates on skyblock” 37:45  joining a vc / “I just got stood up in like 4...conversations in rapid succession” / “My new years resolution was to make friends & it’s november & I’ve made zero headway” / Eret switches sides 41:53  Ender chest setup / worried about hotbar management / potions > shields   43:13  vc with allies / “Karl you are literally the biggest third wheel I have ever seen” 45:03  angering the dogs / trident combo 47:13  “D!ck with one ball” (Tubbo) 50:25  “Let’s hope Wil overslept like [George]” 53:09  recruiting Eret / “If you fight on our side we’ll make you the King of Burger King” / “He’ll be an executive citizen” / “I’m surrounded by idiots” 54:58  putting Schlatt on the allies list / “Schlatt is an alcoholic high on protein power” (Fundy) 56:47  can’t trust Eret / “I hate it when you’re right” (Tubbo) / Wilbur joins vc 59:50  having a moment with Hubert / “Not even the mobs like me” / sad music / “I just gained 8k subscribers the sadness is gone” / cow pit exp farm 1:02:57  vc with Niki / “I’m going to join the other vc AHHHHH” 1:05:02  “Once everyone meets up...I have something prepared” / “Technoblade when are you not ready?” “When I joined the server” 1:09:38  “Who do you take me for? Of course I’ve read the Art of War. It’s written by Mozart” / battle planning 1:12:18  “This is the betrayal...happening very slowly” 1:13:35  Pan1 / “This revolution is so doomed” 1:15:29  Dream attack / Quackity dies 1:18:07  “Agree Retweet” / “Violence is the only universal language” / “i have a supply” / “Why do you talk in upwards inflections constantly?” 1:19:57  Techno not getting to talk / “He took it all by force didn’t he” / “Fear into Ear” 1:23:50  Techno telling everyone he has a stash twice / distributing blue / mushroom the fox 1:26:49  Tommy talking over Techno again / “Stop going off on your tangents” “We have food at home” 1:29:30  vault reveal / Tubbo stealing emeralds / secret chest 1:32:40  “Shut up bro you are green as shit” (Tommy) / “Everyone give me back my stuff you don’t deserve it” 1:34:41  no netherite swords / “Who’s the traitor” “Promise we won’t be mad” 1:36:31  battle / Technoblade trident maneuvering / giving rocket launchers to Tubbo & Tommy 1:40:27  killing Karl / Dream bringing out the end crystals / fighting invis Dream / purpled switches sides 1:43:57  Dream wants to talk / 309k / group photos 1:46:08  vc with Dream / “But only if my enemy insists” / in the van with Schlatt / “What are you doing in my drug van? It better not be drugs” / Tommy preparing to shoot Schlatt 1:54:42  “We won” / “We killed an old man with heart problems! It only took 20 of us!” / President Innit / subscribe to Technoblade sign 1:55:57  Dream & Techno talk in chat / Tommy speech / “It was meant to be” / “I don’t think anyone is bowing to Tommyinnit” / “Karl don’t be weird” / Skeppy has a disc 1:59:06  Techno being apprehensive on mute / Tommy makes Wilbur President / “I’ll be the president” “I’m gonna veto that” / “Techno...you’ve taught me that government is not the way to go” / Wilbur makes Tubbo president 2:03:20  “I’m not sure I like where this is going x2” / “I’m not sure this is a good ending” / “Team chaos” “Perhaps” 2:06:20  Techno shoots Tubbo / Philza joins / “You think Schlatt was the cause of your problems? No. It was government” / speech gets interrupted / “The government ends here, I’ll kill it myself!” 2:09:23  Phil kills Wilbur / techno yelling for silence / “Tommy you just did a coup...& instilled yourself as president” 2:12:11  “If you want to be a hero THAN DIE LIKE ONE” / wither spawning / killing his former allies 2:15:09  post fight talks / “There will be no new government today. It will be over my dead body” / “Techno was not the traitor” 2:18:50  “I need to increase the crater that is L’Manberg so that no country can rise in its place” / “Mom says it’s my turn on the flame bow” 2:23:51  “What I’m doing right now is small scale. This is the work of an individual. This is nothing compared to the cruelty governments all around the world [inflict]...systematically” / “Llamas are the primary victims of war” / “I just wanna be apart of the explosion” (George) 2:27:06  Techno joins vc / connor joins the server / “I hope you’re proud of yourself Techno” “I kinda am” / Jack Manifold (Thunder) being broke / netherite armor 2:32:30  “Beach episode” / Techno accidentally joins the L’Manberg vc 2:35:16  the base is compromised / “There’s no way Technoblade would put a clock there if it didn’t mean anything” / got robbed 2:37:37  “If you’re going to ask me how I got all these emerald & arrows that’s a story for another day” / explaining the bedrock / “I can give everyone stuff & it’ll be such a flex” 2:40:24  Greek mythology 2:41:45  The Golden Apple / “They didn’t use discord back then they used skype, so can’t invite Eris” / “Zeus the god of feminism” 2:46:02  Eret recruiting Techno to kill George / joining vc / “Let’s stop him before he gets land” / Awesamdude proposing a fight 2:49:08  “No one can kill me I’m invincible” (logs out) / Dream literally names the turtle potions Sam thinks he hasn’t heard of / “I’m at soup” / “It’s not smack talk he just has that many items” 2:53:06  “Stab him Dream, I’ll shout encouraging words” / Techno fighting Bad & Ant 2:56:23  Dream wins / “I think there was this Dream guy attacking you with some sort of weapon” 3:00:11  turtle potions / Dream hyping up Techno about fighting BBH / Badlands negotiating with George 3:04:34  vc with Philza 3:07:00  spider farm afk’ing / lagging Quackity’s computer 3:09:06  smp earth / Phil only logged on to back Techno up 3:10:32  killing George / “I’m gonna drop his armor off don’t jump me” / not fighting Dream 3:13:00  vc with Karl & Phil / Karl definitely not starting a government / “Chat that was the boring part, don’t leave” / 320k / “Why do we keep scheduling these on Monday?” 3:16:18  “I don’t even want to think about how famous Tommy will be in the future” / “I get a tad bitter” / covid is good for youtubers but obviously bad / “I’m so good at socially distancing” 3:19:51  “Aren’t you tired of being nice Philza? Don’t you just wanna go crazy” / “You should be wary of the old in a profession where people die young” / vc with Eret 3:21:47  “What if you built a slightly larger throne next to it?” /  “How are they paranoid of a mole but the guy with a track record of being a traitor gets no questions asked” 3:25:47  “I’m gonna place a block at the bottom & kill you instantly” / reverse mlg /  emerald rich even with Tubbo’s theft 3:27:57  “I’ll allow it” / upstairs chests robbed / Eret disconnects with the book 3:32:04  armor sabotage bc he thought it’d be 1v5 / crystals are mutually assured destruction / Wilbur afraid of tnt getting blown up early 3:34:11  the diary was actually Eret’s / “He’s gonna tell everyone who I have a crush on. Nooo” / reading the 100 page book / “Can I not win here?” “No” 3:40:14  “This stream has released more serotonin in my brain than the last 6 months combined” / revolution was overcrowded / could improve the crater 2:43:09  “Awkward ten minute period where I’m just sitting there watching them set up a new government but I can’t kill them yet” / Carl is missing 3:44:34  “The one time Technoblade is gonna roleplay & they talk over him” / “CARL” / “As long as Sapnap isn’t the one that took him there’ll still be hope” 3:46:10  “Once you start using end crystals it’s the only pvp that matters & end crystal pvp is so lame” / Webtoons 3:49:10  “What’s going to happen to you & WIlbur now?” “I don’t know, I think I’m chill with Wilbur” / “The only thing that changed is my voice. Zero personal growth” / lines from the first speech that got interrupted / “King George is trending booo” 3:52:00  1 million twitter followers / “O god it’s been four hours...I am not built for this” / did a 13 hour stream once / sub growth goals 3:56:30  “What the heck is Phil watching”

[kyber-crystal]

lost in space || s.r

summary: post-IW in which you’re stuck on the ship with tony and nebula. knowing you didn’t have much time left before oxygen levels ran out for good, you decide to send a final goodbye message to the man you’ve grown to love over the past several years.

words: ~2.1k

warnings: angst in the beginning, fluff, major feels, worried steve ;-p

a/n: i took inspo for another oneshot like this that i read but then i got a bunch of new related ideas, so here we go!

22 days.

22 days of drifting through empty space with Tony and Nebula.

After day 16, you began losing hope in returning home. Nobody had to say anything for you to put two and two together and realize you didn't have much longer before what little was left of your oxygen supply ran out. So this had the three of you accepting you wouldn't make it through, opting to make the best of the time you had left. Your breathing became more heavy and labored, as the act of taking a single breath had now grown more difficult with each passing minute.

While she didn't want to admit it, Nebula thought having you and Tony by her side was much better than imagining being alone. It was an unspoken agreement that you all enjoyed each others' company; seeing you were all you had now after losing almost everything.

You exhaled as you sat in the cockpit of the ship, chin resting in your hand as you gazed out the glass dome and took in the eerie yet beautiful sight that space had to offer.

Feeling a rough hand clasp your shoulder, you turned around to see Tony standing there.

"Hey," he smiled softly, holding his remaining granola bar out to you. "You haven't eaten all day. Why don't you take the rest of this."

"No, I can't do that," you shook your head. "You need to eat, too."

"Your health is just as important, Y/N. You've lost too much weight in these past three weeks."

"Haven't we all."

"Just take it."

Knowing he wasn't going to stop arguing, you mumbled a 'thank you' and took the bar from him, taking a small bite.

You pushed yourself out from your chair and took a seat next to him, lowering yourself to the ground on the steps as he leaned his helmet against the wall.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving them a message. In case things go wrong, and...we don't make it," he replied as he took in a deep breath and began fiddling with the helmet, flicking a switch inside it before tapping its' side, projecting a blue light over you two.

"Tony...we're literally going to die. I don't get why you're doing this, Steve and the others probably think we're already dead..."

"Might as well say a last good bye, then. And, recording...is this thing on?" He tapped the side of the helmet again. "Hey, Miss Potts...Pep. If you find this recording, don't post it on social media. It's gonna be a real tear-jerker. I don't know if you're ever going to see these. I don't even know if you're...if you're still...Oh, god. I hope so. Today is day 21, uh..."

"22," you corrected as you leaned back against the wall. “Or 23. Wait no, 22.”

"Yeah, 22. You know, if it wasn't for the existential terror of staring into a void of space, I'd say I'm feeling better today. The infection's run its course, thanks to the blue meanie back there."

"You’d love her. She’s very practical," you added, "Only a tiny bit sadistic."

"Anyway...some fuel cells were cracked during battle, but we figured out a way to reverse the ion charge to buy ourselves about 48 hours of time. But it's now dead in the water. We're 1000 light years from the nearest 7-11. Oxygen will run out tomorrow. And that'll be it. And Pep, I...I know I said no more surprises, but I was really hoping to pull off one last one. But it looks like...well you know what it looks like. Don't feel bad about this. I mean, if you grovel for a couple of weeks, and then move on with enormous guilt. I should probably lie down. Please know that...when I drift off, I will think about you. Because it's always you."

You both fell into silence afterwards and you quickly looked away, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to try and stem the flow of tears that threatened to spill. Tony must've noticed the look on your face, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder as you stared blankly out ahead.

This really was it. When you imagined dying, you saw yourself going down on the battlefield, maybe jumping into the crossfire to save someone. Or simply passing in your sleep, dying of old age, anything but being unable to breathe.

You didn't think you'd meet your demise by running out of oxygen as you drifted mindlessly through space.

"Why don't you talk to Capsicle," Tony finally spoke up several minutes later. "This might be your only chance to get the closure you've wanted for so long."

"I'm not...it's not like that," you sighed, running a hand down your face. "He's just a friend."

"Don't bullshit me, Y/N. I know you're in love with him."

You let out another sigh, staring at his helmet blankly for a moment before opening your mouth to speak.

"Hey, Cap. You know, for the longest time, I was stuck trying to figure out what I was really meant to do, why I was ever placed on the earth to begin with," you spoke, looking out the glass at the darkness of space again, "When Fury first recruited me to the initiative, I was...I was in a dark place. And I didn't know how to get out. I felt stuck, frustrated...lost. I felt like I wasn't worthy or even the slightest bit prepared to take on the responsibilities of a hero because of all that I'd done in the past. I'd committed my fair share of sins, and...it all came down to a point where I almost lost the will to keep going, to keep living. My demons held me back from the perfect life I so desperately wanted and followed me everywhere I went. But then you came along, and for the first time in a long time, I started to hope, to...feel things again. You taught me that there was such a thing as second chances and forgiveness, that it's okay to make mistakes, and most importantly, I was meant to feel things; to love.

"You taught me that I was meant to feel happy, to allow myself the chance at living that burden-free life. That I didn't have to feel so doubtful when something good happened because all I'd ever learned was to feel suspicious when an event occurred in my favor. God, I really do owe you, huh? I honestly don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you. Maybe spiral down into an endless pit of despair and destruction? But really, I'm grateful that you walked into my life. I don't know how I'm supposed to repay you for all that you've given up for me.

You chuckled lightly and sniffled, hastily wiping at your eyes. "I know you're still out there. I hope you are. Because I know Captain America would never go down without a fight. This fight, though...you don't need to keep fighting. I've already accepted my fate. I'm going to die in less than two days...and I'm not bitter or mad at all. Death is inevitable, you know? If there's anything I took away from my torturous days in the Red Room, it was to never fear death because every girl would eventually meet her end. I'll be completely honest with myself here, I don't mind dying alongside these two...Tony and Nebula are some pretty great roommates. Who knew an alien could be so good at paper football?

The helmet flickered and you knew you didn't have much time left. "Steve...I don't want you to look back at all this in pain. I want you to live your best life...one that isn't filled with regret. And if this means moving on, starting anew...then do it. I want you to be happy. Be happy...for me.

Another tear fell, but this time you didn't bother to wipe it away. "I guess since my days are now numbered, I should let this weight off my chest...I love you, Steve Rogers. More than you'll ever know. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember and I can only hope you feel the same but I guess I might never know that answer now...we can't always get our happy endings, can we?

"I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye one last time, I love you," you choked out as the recording finally powered down and you let your head fall into your hands, the tears now flowing freely down your cheeks. The ache of longing to be with him echoed through the marrow of your bones; a chill wind trapped inside your heart and a million little glass shards tearing at your guts. Nausea swirled around in your stomach, head swimming with thoughts as your blood felt like tar, struggling to flow steadily.

Reaching over, Tony carefully grasped your hand, lacing your fingers together and squeezing gently. "It's gonna be okay," he muttered, eyes closed as you trained your gaze on the glass. "It's gonna be okay."

It could've been five minutes or five hours later, but suddenly, a vast white light illuminated the space surrounding you, forcing you to shut your eyes again.

As you focused on the bright ball of light, you could make out several features of a woman, though you initially thought you were dreaming. This couldn't be real. Was it?

"Hang in there, guys, I've got you," her voice flooded your ears, before she disappeared from view.

You opened your eyes a second time to see you were speeding towards Earth, the ship slowing down slightly as the familiar outline of America came into view.

Then, a steady jolt of the Benatar indicated you'd hit solid ground, in the middle of the field in the Avengers facility.

Nebula helped Tony up first, then you. The entry hatch opened, and you carefully stepped down the ramp together onto the grass.

It was pitch-black out, the only sources of light coming from the lights that projected from the compound, but it didn't take long for your vision to adjust. A small smile found its way onto your face as you saw six familiar figures came running towards you.

"Oh my God," Pepper cried, throwing her arms around Tony's neck and holding on as if her life depended on it. "Oh my God."

You smiled wistfully as you observed your surroundings, lowering yourself onto the ramp's last set, arms crossed over your chest as you realized just how cold it actually was.

A sudden warmth enveloped you and you felt someone's leather jacket being draped over your shoulders. Seeing Steve's familiar tall figure out of the corner of your eye, you moved over slightly to allow room for him to sit.

He looked over at you in concern, taking in your pale and malnourished figure. His chest ached at the sight.

"I'm okay," you found yourself saying, "don't worry about me."

"I've been worrying about you for the past twenty-two days," he replied, hands in his pockets, "I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too," you swallowed hard.

Steve let out a shaky breath and slid an arm around your waist, pulling you close as you rested your forehead on his shoulder.

"I thought you were dead," his voice cracked, "and if you really were, then...I don't know what I'd do."

“Me neither,” you breathed out. “God, I missed you so much.”

Then all of a sudden, the whole word seemed as if it was on standstill as his sapphire blue eyes bored into yours with such an intensity that sent a chill down your spine, keeping you firmly locked in place. And it utterly terrified you because you’d never felt something so intense like this before and he was the reason why you even felt this way to begin with. 

And before you can protest against your own thoughts, you closed your fists around his shirt and gently tugged him towards you, closing the gap and kissing him. The sudden action took you both by surprise but Steve doesn’t waste any time in reacting, moving a hand from your cheek to the nape of your neck to kiss you back. 

Everyone’s too exhausted, too busy feeling relieved at the fact that you returned safely to make a teasing comment towards yours and Steve’s relationship. They’ve secretly been betting for a while that you’d finally get together, though not in this exact way. 

Until Rocket breaks the silence. “Nice welcome back gift, Agent.”

"You cockblock," Nebula flicks him in the head. "Let them have their moment, geez."

[yeaahishowedupatyourparty]

@.JaneyPowellx: This has been something I’ve been debating doing for a long time now and it’s never really felt right. Even now, with all of the words on paper, or typed on to a digital page, it doesn’t feel right. I found writing fiction through the desperate need to escape reality & I’ve done everything in my power to keep them separate. Whether your favourite work of mine is Harry Potter, The Selection, We Were Liars or Twelve, you’ll never find me in them because they’re idealised situations in world’s that could be just around the corner or in far off places. 

This story is different. It isn’t fiction and it isn’t escapism. It’s set in the real world and within the 21 years I’ve been alive. If you’re holding this book in your hand after purchasing it or have just downloaded it from my website, I’ll be bold enough to assume you already know the basic premise of the plot and you already have your expectations. There’re different versions of this story on true crime YouTube channels, in the newspapers and on blogs, some written with a good lot of research being done and others written just for clicks. It’s been a hard thing to accept, but all of them are somebody’s experience of the event and therefore hold a certain degree of truth. 

This is just another version of a story that you might have heard before, this time told by me, Janey.  CHAPTERS 1-3: TRIGGER WARNINGS THROUGHOUT FOR ABDUCTION, ASSAULT/HARASSMENT, DRUGS & ABUSE

//OOC: This isn’t a full on story, just the outline! I think it’s taken her ages but she’d definitely record like a diary-styled retell of everything that happened to her involving the abduction that happened when she was 15. It’d be super cheap and available in stores AND online but all the profit would be go to appropriate foundations. 

CHAPTER ONE - Happy Birthday! 

In this chapter, Janey would start out by describing her fifteenth birthday. The year before, she’d seen Harvey, her older brother, cross a milestone - his sweet sixteenth. Therefore, the expectations for her birthday were pretty high. She was expecting the big party, huge balloons, special presents, a sip of alcohol and extra privileges but alas, she was only turning fifteen. Her parents were very clear about birthdays, drinking and other rules: 16, 18 and 21 were the milestone birthdays, otherwise parties were smaller and inexpensive. 

She’d go on to explain how she’d been sulking all day because of it and explicitly remembers refusing to blow out her birthday candles after dinner. It would be something she’s embarrassed by now but at the time, it was perfectly reasonable. She’d mention that most people who only know the twenty-one year old her wouldn’t recognise fifteen year old Janey. A moody teenager who insisted on dressing like Jade West from Victorious and took way too much interest in her pink flip-phone (another thing she wasn’t happy with, seeing as Harvey - being 16 - had recently got a better one).  

It’d talk about how her parents were firm but fair and well known in Violet Springs. Her Mum was a teacher and, to Janey’s horror, actually taught her in Year 7. Her Dad is an independent photo journalist who mainly covers local sporting events. She’d explain how they’re amazing parents and even if fifteen year old her couldn’t see it, they were equally amazing to Harvey, Annabel and herself. 

Janey would go back to writing about having serious middle child syndrome and never making life easy for her parents. She wasn’t “naughty” but definitely pushed boundaries by breaking curfew, getting in trouble in class and talking back a lot. She’d confess that she cared a lot about being in the “right” crowd in high school. Deep down, she was always a naturally quiet person but felt the pressure to be as loud as the other girls. She wanted attention, and to be popular, and for boys to like her; that was all that mattered & if she knew then what she knew now, she probably would’ve slapped herself because she has no doubt that that’s what ultimately led to everything going wrong. 

She’d mention that her birthday is the 19th of March (and she prides herself on being a true Pisces as it’s also her moon sign). It also gave her a couple of months until summer, where she and her friends planned her REAL birthday party since her parent’s wouldn’t give her one. They’d decided that they’d go to the open fields in between Lilac Heights and the Cotswolds (?) during the summer and drink, get high and just have a good time. She’d explain how the group of girls she was friends nearly all had older boyfriends who were in college and it was easy to get a hold of stuff they probably shouldn’t have been having. 

Janey would talk about how the field has become iconic for completely different reasons now. If you google it, you won’t have to scroll very far at all to see pictures of it sectioned off when the police were searching for her. But, that summer it was beautiful and everybody was tanned, having fun and happy to be going into the last year of high school. Janey would explain that she’d always been insecure about not having a boyfriend, but she and her friends planned to change that because one of their boyfriend’s was bringing a guy who she’d been speaking to online. He was 22.  

The end of this chapter would be romanticised and Janey would reflect on how it was the last time she was ever “old Janey.” Her plans had been to sneak back in through Annabel’s bedroom window and get into bed before her parents even suspected a thing. But, that never materialised. 

CHAPTER TWO - As It Happened. 

In this chapter, Janey would mention that she’s going to tell everybody exactly what happened that night. Details the police couldn’t even figure out when they tried to piece it all together. There’d be a trigger warning that she’ll be mentioning drinking, harassment and abduction but would promise that it isn’t graphic.

The first part would be about how the field party was a typical summer thing; hot weather, people drinking and having fun as well as sneaking off into the forest (but not too deep) to do god knows what. She’d talk about how she ignored the constant texts and calls from her Mum when it got dark, and how she was drunk. It’d also cover that she was introduced to the friend of her friend’s boyfriend  and even though he wasn’t her type, she was excited about the attention. When it got too dark to see anything, most of her school friends decided to call it a night but Janey went to Downtown Springs with the guy she’d met and his friends because they promised they could get her into Indigo, which they did. 

Most of the night was fun; she was bought drinks, there was lots of flirting and she felt special...which is kind of the hole she’d been trying to fill throughout her teen years. She’d definitely then mention that the guys she was with and every person like them exploit people who aren’t feeling their best and would talk about surrounding yourself with people you trust and not just people who are giving you what you want. 

At one point, the boyfriend of her friend (who was now at home) started getting really loud and rowdy. To this day, Janey doesn’t know if it was genuine or just an act for an excuse to get her to leave the club with them and not go home like she’d planned. They were kicked out before it was midnight and she’d vividly recall passing a few people from school (including Wes and Nate - her ex, I think!) and chatting to them for a little while before the guys she was with mentioned their friend was having a house party in London. Nate specifically asked her to stay but she was set on having fun on her birthday and left with them. 

She’d talk about seeing familiar buildings of Violet Springs turn into intimidating city offices and the roads getting wider as they entered London. The atmosphere in the car shifted slightly but at the time, she was too drunk to even notice. Neither of the guys said anything to one another or her & it gives her the chills now to know that in that moment, she’d been abducted, but she didn’t know it. They got out of the taxi and Janey remembers being embarrassed about not having enough cash on her to pay for her third of the fare - something trivial now - and one of the guys just paying for it without much fuss. 

Once they stepped outside, she saw they were stood in front of a tower block that was almost completely silent. No sign of a party. That’s when she started to hesitate but was too shy to say anything; she was in a weird part of London at 11:45 with nobody she knew and no money. Also, she was sure she was just overreacting. One of the guys said that the party was on the top floor which is why nobody could hear it and even faked a phone call with the “host”. Janey took the elevator up to fifth floor with them and again, felt as if something weird was going on because the top floor was the seventh. This also ended up being something that confused the police in her investigation; witnesses who saw her enter the tower block had overheard the conversation and couldn’t piece together WHY she wasn’t seen on the seventh floor or who’d even supposedly had the party. 

She’d explain how the flat they entered belonged to the friend of her friend’s boyfriend and how eery it felt when it was completely silent. She asked multiple times about the party and both guys said they’d go up soon, but they wanted to have some more drinks and smoke before going up so that they were on everybody else’s level of being completely fucked. Janey remembers sitting on the arm of the sofa and realising how gross and dirty everything was. She wondered how someone who was 22 had given up already and remembers seeing pictures of her parent’s starter home at that age and how pretty it was by comparison. 

The longer it took for them to go back up to the party, the more anxious Janey got. Eventually, she excused herself to go to the bathroom and decided that she’d have to face her parent’s consequences and ask her Dad to come and get her. She panicked even more when her phone wouldn’t switch on and she realised it was dead...meaning, she’d have to borrow money to get home. Once she came out of the toilet, she half debated leaving without them knowing because she just had a horrible feeling but felt like that’d be rude. So, she went back into the living room and asked to borrow a phone. That’s when things shifted completely and fun flirting became intimidating harassment; sleazily flirting with her and telling her not to be boring. One of them even insisted on kissing her to shut her up but once she got really upset, they agreed to take her home on the basis she’d have one last drink. She did, and it was spiked, which made her pass out. 

The next day she woke in the bedroom of the same apartment, still fully dressed - something she was too young to register at the time, but now she reflects on it, it was the one comforting thing of the whole morning. But, her bag had gone and the door to the room was locked from the other side. She remembers banging on it and calling for someone, but nobody answered. She’d describe the panic and desperately wanting her brother or her Dad in that moment, but had to keep reminding herself she didn’t have her phone to contact them. She ended up being shut in that room for twenty-four hours before one of the guys came back; the friend of the boyfriend. He told her that she wouldn’t be going home and the more noise and fuss she made, the longer she’d stay in the bedroom. 

Janey would talk about how her biggest regret is NOT making a fuss and screaming until a neighbour or somebody heard, but her survival instincts kicked in and she was scared she was going to be seriously hurt if she didn’t listen. So, she stayed quiet and followed what she wanted him to do; which was to dye her hair brown and change into clothes he’d bought for her - a basic black tank top and sweatpants. Again, at the time she was too confused to even begin to think about why but now she knows it was because she’d soon be declared a missing person and if they were taking her into public, she looked too familiar to any description circulating. 

She’d end this chapter by saying how she remembered sitting on the floor of the living room that night while he put the dye in her hair, trying not to cry while her story first broke on to some of the news networks. But she’d also talk about how she felt twistedly happy that her parents had decided she was missing and not just out being her usual, difficult self. 

CHAPTER THREE - THE FLAT. 

She’d start the chapter with a warning about mentions of sexual abuse again. This would be a really brief chapter, but it would basically be her explaining to everyone who she was taken in the first place; trafficking; and how it isn’t what everyone imagines. She wasn’t chained up in a basement somewhere. In fact, before the news of her disappearance really blew up, she was actually allowed out given that she was with one of the two guys. She’d go to the store, or just sit in the park and once even to the gym. 

She’d explain how ultimately though, she’d been taken as a product. Neither of the guys ever slept with her, but there were other men who did and they’d pay the two guys to do so. She’d never get or see any of it and she’d talk about how from the beginning there were strict rules. Her name would be ‘Liz’, short for Elizabeth which was her middle name, she wasn’t to have personal conversations with any clients and the answer had to always be yes to whatever they asked. Also, crying or appearing upset was a big no. 

She’d talk about how this went on for a month which was enough time for the search for her to gain momentum and more press coverage. And, she knew this, because the people keeping her almost INSISTED that she read newspaper articles or watched reports about herself. She’d also mention how they would mock her parents, sister, brother and friends who obviously would make appeals or speak about it in statements and find it funny. That would often set her off and she’d argue with them, which never ended well for her. 

The chapter would be rounded up with how by the end of August and moving into September, when she was supposed to be starting college, the police released sketches of the “suspects” and mentioned that they could be in the London area. For around three days, Janey had hope and felt like she was going to be found...but the guys began to panic. That’s when she wasn’t allowed to go outside anymore & one night, she overheard the guys speaking about how they were going to move her “and the others” further away from the Capital. That’s when she knew that this was going to be a lot harder than just doing what they said until they got bored.