#very very happy with the result of this and I had such a good time with this collaboration!!! :)
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
trustmypoison · 3 days ago
Text
Ateez finding out that you're pregnant
Requested? Yes!
Request: Hi! <3 I loved your ATEEZ reaction with a low maintenance partner! I was wondering if I could make a request? Either: How each member prefers to sleep with you at night/whether they like to be held or do the holding/etc. I did see the sleeping positions one but I figured this one was different enough. If not that's totally fine!! Otherwise, maybe a pregnancy one, I saw the ones planned for svt and I'd love to see ateez. tysm!! <3’
TW/CW: pregnancy and baby talk. Skip if you aren’t into that. 
Hongjoong
The picture of totally put together. There will be only a split second of shock before he’s holding you tight and telling you how happy he is about the news. If you were nervous about the news (which I think most people are at least a little), he’s putting your mind at ease immediately. No, it’s not too soon. No, he’s not worried about the group or the company. Yes, he can’t wait to start a family. 
Seonghwa
Stunned silence. You actually think you might have broken him. Once he starts talking, it’s one half-finished question only to be interrupted by another half-finished question, but you get the picture so you explain that you realized you were late and took a test. If the shock goes on so long that you feel like this whole thing is going down the drain, he’ll snap out of it to assure you he’s thrilled, he might just need some time to wrap his head around it. 
Yunho
He had a sneaking suspicion when you got a ‘stomach bug’. He doesn’t say anything right away and you’d be too busy being sick to care. So he simply takes you to the doctor. He’s totally silent when you stammer that you don’t need to take a test and the doctor assures you it’s just to eliminate potential causes. When the doctor announces your results, he’s already braced for the shock and handles it far more gracefully than you do. Please, he’d be such a steady partner, change my mind. 
Yeosang
When you tell him, he just smiles and nods. You ask if he has anything to say and he smiles and says no. This sort of questioning goes on until you really aren’t convinced he even heard you. You don’t feel good and this is a tough topic if only because it’s a surprise, and the whole thing makes you impatient. “Are you even listening? I said I’m pregnant!” The frustration will double when he just smiles and says, “I know. At least I suspected.” He pulls you in for a hug as you rage, “Then why didn’t you tell me??? I didn’t know!!!” Irritatingly calm in the face of such news. 
San
The gentlest of guys and you can’t convince me otherwise. After like the third bout of illness in one morning, he puts you back to bed and very carefully brings up the possibility. He hates the panic that flashes across your face at the mere mention of it and he decides now is a great time to tell you that he’d love it if you were expecting. It puts your mind at ease and the conversation is a slow buildup to you finally asking him to get the tests. Super sweet and supportive even before the tests are purchased. 
Mingi
Panic. I could leave it at that but I guess I won’t. He does not know what to do with this information and might not handle it gracefully. He hates that he can see how nervous and upset you are but I envision he’d need to step away. Imagine him going to an older member in crisis mode. Also, imagine Hongjoong blowing up because he just left you like that without any comfort. After some careful coaching, his older members will demand he go and make things right. When he calms down and thinks of the future, he likes it, but a big change like that is scary. 
Wooyoung
He just shows up with a couple of tests and demands that you take it. It’s so perplexing that you’re kind of waiting for the punchline (because he always has one). But he really doesn’t have one now and he’s very serious. Now, that doesn’t mean he’s not a smart ass!! He’ll say something like, “You’ve been biting my head off for weeks, you keep gagging at the food I make, and you missed your period last month. Take it so I know how offended to be.” He’s joking on that last bit because of how pale you get at the implication. He’s thrilled about the news, but he’s equally thrilled to know that you don’t just hate him!! 
Jongho 
Overjoyed. Like there’s not even a moment of shock. The way he holds you close and tells you how happy he is in an instant really smashes any doubts you might have had. Totally doting immediately. I’m serious, do not move, do not pick anything up, do not try to do anything for yourself. I think normally he would not baby his partner quite so much, but he’d do a complete 180 with this news. Prepare to be coddled for at least 9 months, or maybe forever, idk. 
123 notes · View notes
puckbunnyera · 8 hours ago
Text
Silver Spoons | Q. Hughes
Tumblr media
• ──────────────♡────────────── •
pairing: quinn hughes x reader genre: angst, fluff word count: 2.1k warnings: none summary: insecurities rise to the surface when meeting quinn's family for the first time author's note: writing is a little (very) rusty after being away for so long but i came up with this idea while listening to a song i found through tiktok. the song is silver spoons (demo) by erin lecount. definitely suggest listening to the song before or while reading to really set the tone. it can be found on soundcloud and youtube. tried to link it but it wasn't working :(.
• ──────────────♡────────────── •
I stare at the house you were brought up in All the photographs and door frames are wooden I wish I'd known you when you were younger Before lovers
To say you were nervous would be the understatement of the century. Anxiety holds you tightly in her grasp and floods your mind with the dreadful thoughts that you had been trying so hard to keep away. What if they didn't like you? What if they didn't think you were good enough? What if they noticed how different you were from them? What if they thought you didn't fit into the perfect life they had created for themselves? Your thoughts were running wild and dragging your bruised heart around with them.
"You okay?" Quinn's voice soft and gentle as he slips his hand into yours.
"Yeah, of course." You give him a tight-lipped smile, hoping he won't be able to sense the internal chaos you are experiencing. He does, though. Even if he doesn't say it, you know he does because Quinn notices everything with you.
"Let's head in." He speaks, pressing a light kiss to your temple. "Can put our stuff away in the room then head out into the backyard. Everyone is already here."
"Okay." You nod, voice barely above a whisper.
As he leads you through the beautiful home he was raised in, you look around in awe at the memories held in pretty wooden picture frames hanging on the walls and sitting on tables. You can tell it was a house full of love and happiness. While it's always warmed your heart to know that the amazing man you had the luck of calling yours was the result of such a wonderful upbringing, you can't ignore the painful twinge you feel deep down.
Stepping into Quinn's childhood room, your eyes are immediately drawn to a picture, sitting on his dresser next to the door, of younger Quinn with his family sitting happily on the couch together next to a Christmas tree. The trio stand in the driveway, wearing rollerblades and holding hockey sticks, big smiles plastered on their faces. It brings a smile to your own face.
"How old were you here?" You ask Quinn as you feel him move to stand behind you after putting your bags down.
"Fourteen, maybe." He replies, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder as you both examine the photo.
"You were so cute." You speak softly, a longing feeling pulling at your heartstrings. You wished you could've known younger Quinn. When things were simple and life wasn't so complicated.
"I was? Am I not cute now?" He asks in mock offense.
"You know what I mean." You roll your eyes playfully and nudge him softly with your elbow, drawing a laugh from him.
"Come on. Let's go meet everyone." He pulls away. You instantly mourn the loss of his warmth but settle with the feeling of his fingers intertwining with yours as he pulls you out of the room.
And I bet you grew up eating at the table Fed love from silver spoons, reasons to be grateful
You feel overwhelmed the moment you step out into the backyard. Quinn's parents and brothers are already seated at the dinner table that was set up, talking and laughing. You do your best to swallow down the panic that's trying to force its way up your throat as Quinn pulls you in their direction. You're only given about thirty seconds to calm yourself before you're standing in front of them.
"Quinn!" Ellen exclaims, standing up pulling her oldest son into a warm embrace. "I'm so glad you both made it safely."
"Hey," He returns her hug before stepping back and placing a comforting hand on the small of your back. "This is Y/N. Y/N, this is my mom, Ellen, my dad, Jim, and my brothers, Luke and Jack."
"Hi, it's nice to meet you." You wave shyly, giving them the best smile you could muster amidst your inner turmoil.
"It's so nice to finally met you, too." Ellen steps closer before pulling you into a hug. You hesitate briefly before returning the unexpected affection. When she steps back and returns to her seat, Quinn leads you to the two chairs left empty for you both to sit.
"Quinn has told us so much about you. All good things, of course. It's nice to finally put a name to the face." Jim speaks once you're settled at the table.
"You as well." You blush. "I won't lie and say that haven't been nervous about this trip, but I've been wanting to meet the people who raised him to be the amazing person that he is."
"Oh, please." Ellen laughs, shaking her head. "You're making me blush. And there is absolutely nothing to be nervous about. We are so happy that you are here."
"How did Quinn manage to bag you?" Jack scoffs, a playful spark in his eyes. "I mean, just look at him. You could've done so much better."
"Like who?" Quinn glares at his brother. "You?"
"You said it, not me." Jack raises his hands in mock defense.
"Excuse my meathead of a brother. We're not all like that." Luke jokes. "It's nice to meet you, Y/N."
"You, too."
Shortly after initial greeting, food starts being passed around as everyone starts asking you questions about yourself. What do you do for a living? How did you meet Quinn? How is life in Vancouver? Where did you grow up? The questions seem endless, but you answer them with kindness and grace, mentally patting yourself on the back for managing to keep composure under the pressure you were feeling. As the dinner goes on, the tension in you eases, and you're able to genuinely laugh and smile. It's clear in how comfortable everyone is that this is just another evening dinner for them. Something that they've obviously spent years doing.
I spilt the good wine, I panicked A disaster, a knee-jerk reaction Then everyone around us starts laughing Is that how it's supposed to happen?
"Hey, Y/N?" Luke calls from across the table. "Could you pass me the bread basket?"
"Of course." You smile, picking it up to simply hand it to him. If only life was that easy for you. You watch in horror as the wine bottle in the middle of the table topples over, spilling the dark red liquid onto the white tablecloth. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" You jump up from your seat, grabbing napkins and throwing them over the mess. Tears threaten to spill as embarrassment floods through you.
"Baby, it's okay." Quinn stands to help you.
"Let me go grab some more napkins." Ellen rises from her hand and heads into the house. Once the mess is cleaned everyone settles back in at the table.
"I'm really sorry." You apologize again.
"It's no big deal." Jim shrugs it off with a chuckle.
"Are you sure? I can pay you back. That looked really expensive."
"It's okay, Y/N. Really." Ellen shakes her head.
A warm hand slide across your thigh, squeezing gently and settling your bouncing leg that you hadn't even realized was moving in the throes of your anxiety. He leans over and presses a comforting peck against to the side of your head.
"Definitely not the worst thing to happen at the dinner table." Luke laughs. "One time, Jack and Quinn got into and spilt a whole pot of soup. It got everywhere."
"I completely forgot about that." Jack gasps, laughing at the memory that has resurfaced. And like that, the wine incident is forgotten and everyone moves on.
We're the product of love that we do not receive I'll corrupt every branch of this family tree --- Silver spoons and butter knives Living hand to mouth, I'm getting by Just feed me love and give it time Oh, maybe in another life
After dinner, you and Quinn make your way up to his room to turn in for the night. As you move through the motions of getting dressed into your sleepwear, a pair of sleep shorts and one of Quinn's shirts, your mind has taken you elsewhere. Everything has been going well, but you can't help but feel a sense of sadness. And a little bit of guilt. Sadness at the fact that you are clearly an outsider in the perfect family that Quinn belongs to. Happiness and love seem to come so easy for them, but your life has been so different, and it shows.
You grew up in a home where love was conditional. It wasn't given unless you gave something in return that benefited the other person. Your parents weren't the type to ask you how your day was. They didn't show up to support you at school events or hold you when you were feeling down. When you made little mistakes here and there, you were treated as if you committed the crime of the century. Yelling and cursing were a common occurrence. Show of emotions and shed tears were met with eye rolls and ridicule. You spent your life walking on eggshells around the people who were supposed to love you. You learned to only depend on yourself, trust no one, and expect absolutely nothing from everyone. Until Quinn, and that's where the guilt comes in. Guilt for wishing you'd had better parents than the ones you had. Guilt for wishing your life had been different. Guilt for being ungrateful when your life could have been worse. Guilt for being imperfect in the presence of those who seemed to have it all. It was eating away at you and you didn't know how to make it stop.
"Babe?" Quinn calls, voice quiet and cautious as he approaches you.
"Hmmm?"
"Where did you go?" He strokes your cheek softly and carefully with the back of his fingers.
"Sorry. It's nothing." You shake your head, crawling into your side of the bed and laying down.
"Talk to me." He lays down beside you, turning to face you. "Somethings wrong. You forget how good I've gotten at reading you."
"Nothing's wrong, but that's the problem." You sigh, caving in. Knowing that you can't hide anything from him.
"I'm confused."
"Tonight's been absolutely amazing. Your family is amazing and perfect. You are amazing and perfect."
"But?"
"But I feel like I don't belong here. I feel like we come from too different worlds. This life you live, and the relationship you have with your family is completely for to me." You release a shaky breath as the tears you held in all night slowly start to cascade down your cheeks. "And I'm scared that I'll just end up corrupting it somehow. You are the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, and I don't want to fuck this up, but it feels like it's inevitable. Bound to happen eventually."
"You could never fuck this up." He lifts a hand to softly brush away your tears. "You've told me that your home life was never the greatest, but don't do this. Don't compare yours to mine and make yourself feel like you've done something wrong. You haven't done anything wrong. What happened has clearly hurt you in ways that I could never understand, but don't let it define you. You might not see it, but to me, you are perfect just the way you are."
"I just want to be good enough for you."
"You are good enough for me. More than enough. I wish you could see that." He sighs, leaning forward and kissing you softly. "I making a promise to you that I will spend every day showing you that and proving it to you until you start to see it for yourself. I know it will take time, but that's fine with me. Because this. Us. Is end game. You are end game for me."
"You are too patient with me."
"And you aren't patient enough with yourself. It's okay though because I have enough patience for the both of us."
"I don't deserve you."
"It's the other way around, sweet girl." He pecks your nose. "I love you."
"I love you, too." You curl into him, pressing as close to him as you can.
"Now sleep." He wraps his arms tightly around you. "I'm pretty sure my mom has put together a whole itinerary of things for us to do tomorrow so you'll need the rest." He chuckles.
"Goodnight, Quinny." You murmur, sleep ready to whisk you away.
"Goodnight, my love."
71 notes · View notes
Note
Stiles has been pegged at least once I dont know if he liked it but hes too curious not to try it out you know
Absolutely. Without a doubt. Stiles may or may not be as kinky as we hope think, but he's definitely curious and willing to experiment.
Maybe he let out a long, nervous rant about wanting to try it to his girlfriend one evening because he was unsure of how she'd react. He was probably shocked (and delighted) when she agreed. But then he had to face reality: it was actually going to happen.
He was very sure that he wanted to, but he couldn't help but to feel a little queasy in the moment as he watched the lube squirt onto her hand. She decided that he should start with a finger of hers, maybe two, to get his body ready and to properly test the waters.
Stiles' body flinched as the cold substance was spread across his tight little hole. He held his breath, gripped the sheets, and squeezed his eyes closed, all without realizing it as her fingertip teased the entrance.
"Relax, Stiles... It's ok. We can go slow, just tell me what you want."
He practically whimpered back. "Just do it, it's fine, I'm fine, I can take it."
"Yes, yes you can, Stiles. You're doing such a good job; you're such a good boy," she said softly, her finger beginning to slide in.
He moaned and buried his face into his pillow as his breathing became heavier.
After the second finger, he was ready to burst, but his sweet, loving girlfriend made him wait, wanting him to experience what he initially asked for. So, she filled him up with the strap-on, and boy, he almost passed out from pleasure. It was almost too much.
In my opinion, I think Stiles would have enjoyed it, but maybe would have been scared to admit it. I also think he would be a little weirded out by not having any control whatsoever. In the show, he seems to like getting his hands dirty, putting in the work, doing things his way, etc., so I think the fact that some rubber had that big of an effect on him in such a short amount of time would result in him not wanting to do it again, though he was happy he tried it.
Thank you so much for this submission! I really enjoyed writing this, although I'm practically half-asleep and I don't feel like reviewing this before I post it so... Oh well. Anyway. If anyone has any thoughts or opposing opinions, I'd love to hear them! 💜
44 notes · View notes
antioceas · 2 days ago
Text
" Oh, it beats up the batter, " October nodded, happy to get the answer to her special question. She still didn't think she fully understood everything but this was at least more. Giggling quietly, she continued to peer over the counter. Trying to watch the pancakes carefully.
" You're really really good at making pancakes. We should make lemon cookies sometimes... " Of course, that was if the two of them would find one another again after all of this. If they would have a chance to make lemon cookies. A hope.
" ... I like lemon cookies. "
" Oh... umm... that's okay. You can flip them. I'm kind of scared. " One time one of her brothers had pulled a prank that resulted in her placing her hand right on the hot oven. Now, the very idea of dealing with fire and hot food made her a little anxious.
" Sorry "
"I guess it's because... it beats the batter up." A confident guess. That's almost as good as actual facts. And really, it doesn't matter. People name things weird all the time. At least his guess made somewhat sense. And that was good enough for him. It was one of his favorite things about October, though. She always had good questions about things he just accepted.
Giggling at the swift change of subject, turning to look at her quickly before returning his full attention to the pancakes. He would not let them burn. "I've had some lemon cookies. But I don't know if it's the same ones you've had.
Lucas kept his eyes on the pancakes, making sure these ones never would have the chance to burn. Not that he barely burnt pancakes, it was one of the few things he could make close to perfectly. But the teen would not risk it today. Soon flipping the first batch of pancakes. Smiling at how good they looked. "Do you wanna try flipping one of the next ones?" It would be fine, as long as she was careful around the pan and the heat.
"Eight pancakes is a middle of pancakes." Smiling at the words she used but used the same as well. "Not too many or too few. But ten might be a bit much. We can just put the leftovers in the fridge."
89 notes · View notes
corviiids · 1 day ago
Text
sparknotes for "fix your eyes" the 2/2 akeshu fic
as always dont read this if you havent read the fic it wont make any sense, also p5r spoilers obviously but i think the boat's sailed on that one. happy 2/2, the holiday where goro akechi dies and i celebrate by killing ren. fuck yeah.
i guess the overarching question in this fic is whether ren is real, or, like to what degree he is real? to an extent i want to leave it up to interpretation, but it's not nearly as ambiguous as i left it in my death note fic telltale. you can have your own take on this but fwiw my take is that ren is as real as goro is in canon third sem, which is to say he's real. he's behaving as himself. maruki isn't influencing his behaviour. (at least that's my intention.)
the main mirror to canon w this au is like... okay so in canon, akechi sacrifices himself for the thieves and then is brought back, and ren's big challenge is whether he can stand to lose akechi a second time. it's worse for ren because ren is the Hero, you know? so not only is akechi someone he failed to save, akechi is someone who gave himself up specifically so REN could live, something that ren (who likes to sacrifice himself for others) really struggles to live with. the idea of allowing akechi to sacrifice himself therefore becomes a huge problem for him.
in THIS fic though, akechi killed ren himself. so it's a different question. the actual choice is not between killing ren vs keeping him alive--it's that in november, akechi made the wrong choice. he did something he regrets. so now the onus is back on him, again, to choose again, and figure out which choice is right. killing ren was obviously the wrong thing to do by ren. now, although ren doesn't offer a view one way or the other, the implication is that ren does not want this reality, given ren was fighting maruki all month knowing he was dead. so the right thing to do arguably is to allow ren to die again, even though his death was a wrong that occurred already. this is the more painful choice for akechi to make because it's something he actively wishes didn't happen, but it would be the right thing by ren--so akechi's challenge is whether he can make the selfless choice this time having done wrong before.
that's why akechi in canon and ren in this fic react so differently. akechi has been robbed of his agency all his life, so he impresses his wishes very forcefully on ren: he refuses to live like this, so he insists that ren choose to let him die. whereas ren in this fic was robbed of his life by akechi choosing his fate for him. he knows akechi is now struggling with regretting his decision, so telling akechi to choose one way or the other would actually be more merciful. telling akechi to let him die would make it easier for akechi to do it, and ren refuses to take the burden off him. ren's saying, you chose for me last time and you chose wrong, so now im forcing you to choose again. and this time get it right.
Tumblr media
i had a really fun time with akechi's voice in this fic because he's so unstable and just really irritable. he is not having a good time, and he's really unreliable as a result. i think he's really been at sea since he killed ren. sometimes you get everything you always wanted and it just fucking sucks. the whole time he's struggling with how much he wishes he'd failed. he wants ren back, doesn't deserve to have him back, want to spend time with him now that he is back and is also struggling with guilt and bemusement that ren is spending time with him at all. he manifests all of this as irritability because he's just not good at regulating himself.
Tumblr media
one of the big things also is that akechi's internal narration calls ren 'amamiya' for almost the entire fic, because they just never got that close. more precisely, akechi doesn't feel he's able to consider ren that closely.
Tumblr media
ren's behaviour in the fic is pretty inscrutable. like, it really doesn't make sense for ren to want akechi at all. i guess im making kind of a meta point with this more than i am making any point about ren's internal world. the point is mostly just to emphasise how little goro understands what's going on with ren here. this is a very unreliable narrator fic, something goro comments on himself.
Tumblr media
(btw, the joke here is that latin is a dead language........ lmao)
Tumblr media
shows thru in parts like this also, where goro kind of technically has a point and yet if this is the entirety of your worldview it's not only jaded it's also just kind of... incomplete. like, it's not wrong? ren's confidants are all like this, basically. and goro does then go on to say that though relationships START like this, they can't stay that way. but more than that, it shows how brittle goro's perspective is on social relationships. his distortions are pretty clear.
Tumblr media
he also has this repeated refrain of nihilism the further it goes along lol
Tumblr media
there are also a lot of these moments where ren clearly indicates he knows something is up, but akechi just misses them because he's so wrapped up in his own shit.
oh also backtracking a bit
Tumblr media
the idea here being that kind of like how akechi will wait in kichijoji in third sem, ren's kind of become the kichijoji confidant and akechi's become the protagonist.
btw initially i had planned to write a more closed ending, or potentially a CYOA style double ending depending on which choice akechi makes? but ultimately i decided to leave it ambiguous.
i feel like there is definitely other stuff i wanted to say but i forgot it so i guess ill just add onto this post later if i think of it. anyway! thanks for reading! happy 2/2! <3
46 notes · View notes
megpricephotography · 18 hours ago
Text
Tumblr media
For those who're following Flynn's health problems… update is below the cut. Not a great one, sadly.
We went back to the vets on Fri 31st Jan. Flynn had been on his new medicine - telmisartan - for 2 weeks. He's taking it in an effort to reduce the "leakiness" of his remaining kidney. I'd collected a sample for urinalysis a couple of days prior & we got blood taken on the day. Vet spoke to me Sat morning.
I'll start with the positives. Flynn's weight is still good. Actually, at any other time, I'd say he was actively too chubby but I've been intentionally stuffing his face with as much kidney-safe food as he'll eat & it's good he's heavy & good he's managed to gain a bit. As for blood work - Flynn's blood count is good, he isn't anaemic (a worry), electrolytes are normal.
However.
Urinalysis… unfortunately, Flynn's protein loss in his pee is sky high & still maxing out their machine. I wasn't shocked by this result, as telmisartan can take a bit of time to fully work & have an effect… & Flynn's only on a 1/2 dose for his weight. Still, I was obviously hoping for better news. I wish we could at least tell if we're heading in the right direction or not.
Blood work. Urgh. Sadly Flynn's now in Stage 2 of Chronic Kidney Disease. Technically, Stage 2 CKD is considered relatively "mild" & often manageable for a considerable length of time. The worry though, is that Flynn's kidney function seems to be deteriorating pretty fast. From what I've read, this isn't uncommon in dogs who've had high protein levels in their urine, plus, again: Flynn is down 1 kidney… Also, we're already doing what we can to support his kidney, & currently it doesn't seem to be helping much, if at all. Vet's previously said he fears Flynn's kidney has just sort of... reached the limit of what it can cope with.
For now, we're keeping Flynn on a 1/2 dose of telmisartan. Yes, we could increase it but telmisartan can cause side-effects (we're seeing some), including even kidney damage (tbh, I am worried it may be harming not helping… but then again, Flynn has seemed better able to keep weight on since taking meds so, who knows). Vet & I are concerned a full dose could be too much for Flynn to tolerate. We'll monitor, may increase the dose… may take him off it entirely. We are going to add a phosphate binder to his food, which can help maintain kidney function. Flynn's been on a renal diet for 18+ months. Some dogs with his symptoms are put on immunosuppressants, but my vet hasn't brought it up as an option & tbh, I'd be concerned about potential side-effects, although I may look into it more.
As for Flynn… eh, he's OK, for now… mostly, I think? He's sweet & wanting gentle pats, so I don't think he's hugely sore, or distressed. He's feeling sick at times (picky about food) but not sure if it's telmisartan or kidney disease. He's definitely tired & quiet & wanting to be home, warm. That's fine. We get out once or twice a day for a short walk, & he still seems interested in things. I've pulled old Barney's buggy out & started encouraging Flynn to hop in, for if/when he's at a point of wanting to go out but not walk far at all. Obviously, I am still very much trying to hold onto hope we can get him stabilised & keep him happy for some time to come but gosh it's hard & I am struggling to be overly optimistic. I guess all we can do is take each day as it comes.
Sorry for the long read, partly this is for me... I find it helps writing stuff down. Hug your dogs, guys & please think good thoughts for Flynnie.
41 notes · View notes
creator-chaos · 3 days ago
Text
Shouma. My sweet summer child. My beautiful little monster boy. How did you get yourself into this situation? (Continued reflection on the divorce after my Hanto ramble. Thank you @necromanticzz!)
Well, the short answer is that Shouma is debilitating incapable of explaining himself, and it's probably because he thinks there isn't any explanation he can offer. Shouma thinks that he is a monster--a selfish monster.
One of the first things we see from him is agreeing that he's a monster, when the motw mocks him for the first little boy's mother's fear. Then Shouma justifies his presence with the fact that there are other monsters for him to stop.
We see a similar pattern after Shouma meets Dente, and then decides that he'll fight Stomach instead of running. Their selfishness is hurting humans, but Shouma can protect humans, so he has a justification to stay with them.
Shouma never approaches the human world as a place he belongs. We see from the flashback of his mother getting pressed that he'd been called a human by his siblings--that aside from his non-functional gavv, he was treated as basically a human. But he never calls himself human after leaving the granute world--once he can't be pressed, and he's around humans, he's a granute from that point forward.
Shouma is obviously a metaphor for multiracial human identity, feeling like he doesn't belong/qualify as any one thing by the standards of that culture. But how he's handled also reminds me of a trans/nonbinary narrative--specifically, the idea that trans people are treated by society as whichever gender would result in the most harm in the situation. Shouma very rarely even calls himself half-human/half-granute--he's just whatever doesn't belong where he is, neither instead of both.
Moving to his relationship with Hanto, the key factor in Shouma deciding that he doesn't have to keep his distance from everyone, and can go back to be with Sachika, is Hanto declaring that he (as a Kamen Rider) isn't a monster. God, it's amazing how Shouma is in the suit, but the acting still manages to portray that he is just bowled over by getting to be seen as a hero, not a monster. He fell in love with Hanto here.
Then, as Shouma spends time with Sachika and Hanto (especially after the Rider identity reveals), we see how afraid he is of them finding out he's a granute. For Sachika, it seems to be a fear of revealing anything that would upset her, would interrupt her happiness (that he decides is his responsibility). For Hanto, it seems to ultimately be a fear of him deciding that Shouma is a monster.
And Shouma does also feel guilty about hiding his identity--he worries about how it can possibly work out--but it never even crosses his mind that explaining himself could have a good outcome. The issue of trust is clearer on Hanto's end, but it's also there for Shouma--he has no trust that anyone would accept him for what he is. It's not even a consideration that he could. To him, it's a choice between, "Should I keep up the lie so we can be happy together? Or should I stop being with them?"
And when I tell you that when Shouma calls himself selfish for wanting to keep up the lie, it absolutely gutted me. That's what he said about Stomach Inc! About them literally eating people! But just wanting to be happy, wanting to not be alone, is selfish to him, because he doesn't think he has any right to it. *wails*
And finally, when Glotta drops the bomb, his only response is to freeze. Even when it's just Lakia asking if he's related to them, Shouma can't reply. (I wonder if he's going to continue to let Lakia think he's all granute?) But he completely shuts down when Hanto confronts him.
Like, if he had been able to respond to Hanto asking if he's a granute by saying "half," that would have changed the entire interaction! It immediately makes clear Shouma's complicated situation and makes space for explanations. But he couldn't--he doesn't see himself as having any claim to humanity where Hanto is concerned. He's a human to granute, and he's a granute to humans, and he has to earn his place anywhere by making others happy enough to justify his presence.
*deep breath* MY BOY IS SO FUCKING LONELY!!! 😭 HIS AND HANTO'S TRAUMAS ARE SO PERFECTLY POSITIONED TO TRIGGER EACH OTHER'S!!! I LOVE GAVV!!!
(Side note, part of why I have so many thoughts on this is that it parallels another obsession, Mairimashita! Iruma-kun, with the compelling approach to belonging and concealed social identities, and especially with the presumption of "predator" and "victim" roles as part of identities.)
22 notes · View notes
itscoucouharry · 12 hours ago
Text
Tumblr media
The way tumblr has been my safe space since 2012 and remains to be to this day.
I started my old account that’s since been deleted in 2012. Right after I watched 1d’s first US performance. Since then I’ve been blessed to meet so many good people.
In 2017, I was graduating high school. My dad had just gotten into an accident almost losing his life. This had stopped my world and I had to very quickly grow up and learn what to do to care for my dad if my mom wasn’t home.
Throughout the years, life became very real and I had to work endless hours at a job I despised. I became an adult and adulthood quickly took its toll on me.
I became a bit robotic in the sense that I lost my creative side personally and felt as though the magic I once felt is completely gone.
Fast forward to 2023, I met my soon to be husband. He helped me realize my worth as a woman and an overall human and as a result I quit that job, started to be in touch with my child side again. It felt liberating and comforting all at the same time.
Of course, the child side involved One Direction. One direction holds such a significant weight in my life. One direction brought me and my mom closer. It also helped to articulate feelings I didn’t know how to put into words.
Fast forward to September 2024. I had just started classes back in college as I stopped attending to work full-time. I was getting great grades, I had a great working relationship with all of my professors, and I had control of my physical and mental health, as I had lost it while working those endless hours behind a desk.
Fast forward to October 2024. The death of Liam Payne hit me like a ton of bricks and before I knew it, I grabbed my laptop and immediately made a new account on tumblr. Bits and pieces of a childhood so fragile, yet I cry tears of happiness when all the memories flood back. My fiancé often had to comfort me as I was a walking mess.
Through writing about them, I’ve began to heal with baby steps. Slowly but surely. I’m pretty sure writing on here has given me the strength to continue on with my studies. I made it to the presidents list in my college with a 4.0 gpa.
So I mean it when I say thank you. Not just for your sweet comments on my oneshots, or your requests. I also owe one direction my entire world. I thank you for bringing me back to me. Making me feel like myself for the first time in a very long time.
20 notes · View notes
nipotazzi · 2 days ago
Text
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. - Chapter 1
"C’mon, Lusk! It's just a little jump!”
“We’ll be here to grab you in case something goes wrong, sweetie!”
The little child looked all the way up there: his mothers were just ahead, he only needed to make a smooth super jump to reach them. He tries to calculate the distance and necessary strength for it, but for some reason, the results are utterly inconclusive.
“No silly math! You just have to do it!”
Silly? Math isn't silly. Still, maybe momma Pearl was right: he just had to try it, if he wanted to succeed.
Lusk takes a deep breath, one of the first behavioral lessons given him by the creator to ease himself to calm… and begins to run, faster and faster with each consecutive step! 
Halfway through, he quickly changes into his very small swim form, then charges the tentacles like a spring… and jumps!
He makes sure to not use his floating abilities in this form to cheat, and while taking this precaution Lusk realizes that he's already far, far high in the air: He's so much faster than gravity! He can do it! He can reach them!! 
He's… slowing down.
He can't do it.
That shouldn’t have happened. It wouldn’t have happened if…
No. Take a deep breath.
Smollusk knows that they will just say something along the lines of “better than nothing at all,” and that he’ll “get better at it in no time, you just need to try it more.” 
Disheartened, but resigned to such a result, like always, he begins to float towards them in order to avoid the fall.
But something tugs his tentacles.
He looks down, and sees a chain, as long as his sight can go, attached to his body. 
Lusk immediately tries to slip away from it, but nothing happens. His small size cannot handle the sudden extreme weight brought upon it. He searches upwards, starting to grow scared, but the only thing that exchanges his pleading eyes… are the disappointed and clearly annoyed looks on the faces of his mothers.
“C-creator! CREATOR!! HELP ME!”
“...why?”
“W-what?”
“Yeah, why should we?”
Lusk freezes, terrified of the cold tone of her creator.
“Look, Marina! Little kid can't even make a jump this easy. I'm soooo embarrassed to think that we’ve been taking care of such a monstrous failure.”
“Oh, Pearlie, no need to be so rude. We all know that this… mistake… is just one delusion after the other.”
“N-no! No!! I'm not a mistake! I-I’ll be better, I promise! Please!!”
“Are you crying now? Tsk-tsk… how pathetic. Let's go, Rina, don't even look at it.”
“Make way… I don’t want to stay a millisecond longer than I need to.”
“NO! WAIT! WAAIIIITTT!!!”
Lusk falls down, the chain trapping him tighter. It's a bottomless fall, where his screams could echo for eternity. There is nothing else, but the weight of his failures, bringing him down.
Rating:
Not Rated
Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories:
F/F
Gen
Fandom:
Splatoon (Video Games)
Relationship:
Marina/Pearl (Splatoon)
Characters:
Agent 8 (Splatoon)
Dedf1sh | Acht (Splatoon)
Pearl (Splatoon)
Marina (Splatoon)
Order | Smollusk (Splatoon)
The Heavenly Melody (Splatoon)
Additional Tags:
Christ(squid)mas special
half wholesome half angst with a good ending
self trauma due to personal delusions
Angst with a Happy Ending
Family Feels
Family Bonding
Family Drama
Family Dynamics
first time moms
Post-Splatoon 3: Side Order
Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
Language: English
Summary: Pearl and Marina are always trying to be the best moms a kid could ever wish for, and if there is something that they really don't want to mess up… is their Lusk's first experience of the most wonderful time of the year! But will the family be able to help him work trough his own fears at the strongest that they have ever been?
Happy New Year everyone! As always, comments, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated. Have a good day!
21 notes · View notes
lemotmo · 18 hours ago
Note
I have never sent you one of these before so I hope I did it correctly. I found this very helpful because I also don't always understand the nuance or subtlety of a scene. Glad to know it's not just me.
Q. I'm not sure if you can even do this but I have autism and I struggle immensely with understanding subtext, framing, sarcasm and anything else really that I'm supposed to be able to pick up on in media. The direct dialogue or action in a scene tends to be what I take as fact. I understand that's not the case and things are always there that aren't being spoken or directly stated. Can you try to explain the Buddie stuff that points to them going canon? I want it but I don't know how to spot those clues. Does this even make sense? Please feel free to ignore this if it's not something that's explainable.
A. Hi, anon. Your question makes perfect sense and I am more than willing to try and see if I can explain or offer some context into some of the scenes. I have a friend who has Asperger's and he struggles with all these things as well so we try to explain things to him as often as he needs. For the sake of length, and not wanting to make this thread too long to keep up with, I will relegate my examples to a few things from seasons 7 and 8 only. Otherwise we would be here all day. I will start with episode 7x4 because that's the episode that is most widely misinterpreted.
As everyone now knows the episode ended with Tommy kissing Buck, keep in mind that we had spent the entirety of the episode up to that point watching Buck apparently being jealous because Eddie was spending time with another guy. The direct dialogue of the scene leading up to the kiss, when Buck tells Tommy that trying to get his attention had been exhausting, is the argument people use to show that the episode was really about Tommy. But Tommy himself doesn't believe that. The audience sees Tommy surprised by that statement, because he was also aware Buck was bothered by Eddie spending time with him, but he clearly thought Buck was bothered for the same reason the audience thought Buck was bothered, because he wasn't the one Eddie was spending time with. That's why Tommy responds with a confused/surprised "Me"? The episode played very much like Buck was jealous of Tommy NOT Eddie. The most obvious example of this was the scene in the firehouse when Eddie is on the phone in the locker room and Buck is trying to get his attention while working out. The show never tells us who Eddie is actually talking too. We don't know who's on the other end of the conversation, neither does Buck. The only thing Buck sees is Eddie laughing and having a good time while ignoring him. Tommy wasn't at the firehouse so he was never going to see Buck trying to show off around the weight room and Amazon priming a basketball to himself so he could pretend he was interested in something he knew Eddie was interested in. The other interesting thing about that episode was the way Eddie was framed, in other words shot and filmed, throughout. He was consistently lit in golden/sunlight, colors associated with warmth and happiness/joy. Tim made a point of telling everyone that the episode was from Buck's perspective which means that's how Buck sees Eddie. Buck associates Eddie with happiness and warmth and joy. The joy theme is important to remember because it comes back into play during season 8. I'm not in any way suggesting that once Buck became aware of his male attraction that he didn't find Tommy attractive, he clearly did in some capacity. But it is not out of character for Buck to over correct himself in the wrong direction. Both times he asked his partners to move in with him were direct results of his belief that he needed to make up for some wrong he had done to them. He asked Taylor to move in with him after he kissed Lucy and he asked Tommy to move in with him after his reaction to the Abby news, and Josh's speech about what they owed the older queer community. Josh said many things in that speech, a speech I did not love, but he said many things and it was telling that the only part of that speech that seemed to register with Buck where Tommy was concerned was the part about what they owed to the community that came before them. It was wrong to ask on both occasions. Taylor said yes. Tommy said no. We will get back to the Tommy one shortly but those are perfect examples of Buck over correcting himself in the wrong direction in order to avoid dealing with the actual issues.
When we arrive at season 8 we get the scene of Buck hearing all the different noise and static in his head when he's trying to calm himself down while Gerard is yelling. The only voice that is clear and audible for the audience is Eddie's voice. Eddie's voice is the one used to calm and recenter Buck. It was an intentional choice to make it Eddie's voice. not his boyfriends voice but Eddie's voice. Episode 8x6 was the biggie though. The episode is titled Confessions. It was the only episode of the season so far where Buck and Eddie didn't say a single word to one another, but I'll come back to that. Eddie was the focus of that episode, it is important to note that episodes 7x4 and 8x6 were directed by the same man. It was intentional on the show's part for these two episodes to sync in some capacity. They have kept the Buck storyline and the Eddie storyline linked since the beginning of season 7. Their storylines are connected. We see Eddie at the juice bar pick up a bottle of juice and hand it to the cashier. He changes his mind though and swaps it out for a bottle of water (a good note to have here is that in the first episode when the crew is running the stairs Buck is holding a bottle of juice, not water, once they make it to the roof). Father Brian watches this interaction and decides he wants to talk to Eddie. We then see Eddie sitting outside at a table, with plenty of empty tables around him, but Father Brian asked if he could join him anyway. Father Brian attempts small talk, and Eddie, unprompted, tells him, 'sorry, I'm straight'. This is not something television has straight characters do. It's not necessary to declare your heterosexuality. In fact it is far more common for television to use dialogue like that to foreshadow a sexuality realization for that character. It is a very common beginning to a sexuality arc. Father Brian then wants to know why Eddie swapped his juice for the water. Eddie tells him he felt like water instead and Father Brian then equates Eddie denying himself the juice as a way of denying himself joy. He tells Eddie that he's punishing himself. Then they talk about why Eddie has the mustache. Eddie tells him he wanted a full beard but the LAFD doesn't allow full beards. A very interesting conversation indeed for a character who has just explicitly stated that he's straight. We all know the term 'beard' and its history within the queer community. Father Brian then tells Eddie to do one thing that brings him joy. That entire scene was written like foreshadowing. I will skip ahead now to Buck and Tommy's break up. Tommy explains to Buck that at some point he is going to figure out what it is that he really wants and even though he won't mean to, he will hurt Tommy once he figures that out. Tommy has known since 7x4 that something is there for Buck where Eddie is concerned. But he also knows Buck is not ready for that realization yet. He makes a point of telling Buck that he's his first not his last. They also made a point of having Buck say sometimes those can be the same, meaning your first can be your last. Tommy says sometimes that can be true but not most of the time. Meaning there is an exception to that rule. The right person can be your first and your last. Tommy was not the right person. Fast forward to Eddie shaving off his mustache and doing his risky business dance.
Buck goes to Eddie following the breakup. Eddie answers the door in his underwear and he and Buck do not speak. Buck holds up a beer bottle and walks in. They don't talk. They sit on the couch in silence drinking their beers. That is the final shot of the episode. An episode entitled Confessions, and the only episode of the season where Buck and Eddie don't say a single word to one another. Again the framing of that scene is also important because of what surrounds them in the scene. Buck and Eddie are on the couch. It's right it's where they belong but the timing is not right. The blurry picture of Christopher between them on the table behind them is intentional. Christopher is missing from their little unit. Then there's the picture of Texas on the wall behind Eddie. Texas, and everything it represents for Eddie, looms over them. Those are the obstacles that have to be dealt with first. They existed in that shot because Buck, and especially Eddie, cannot escape them. They have to be dealt with and fixed first. They didn't talk because they have things they need to do first.
The last shot of the mid season finale being Buck sitting alone on the Diaz couch was also foreshadowing. Eddie is going to Texas. Yes, that scene also indicated that Buck is finally at a place where he won't be able to ignore or misinterpret his feelings for Eddie any longer. Eddie isn't there yet. Texas has to be dealt with first. Therefore Eddie couldn't be physically on the couch with him in that scene because Eddie has to leave first. Eddie has to be the one person who leaves Buck and chooses to come back to Buck.
I hope this made sense, anon. It was still longer than I anticipated. Please feel free to ask me anything at any time. I am more than happy to try and explain something as best as I can, if I can. I have no idea if this was helpful but I hope you were able to get something out of it. 🩷
Thank you Nonny! This is lovely!
Such a great breakdown of the overarching Buddie storyline for Buck and Eddie. Such a great resource for people who have trouble recognising subtext and nuance in a storyline.
I am going to add my own breakdown of the entire last Buddie scene of episode 8x08. Right after it aired someone with autism contacted me with the question if I could break that specific scene down for them.
You can find it here: breakdown of 8x08 final Buddie scene
If anyone ever needs more help in this department, feel free to send an ask. Just like Ali, I'd be happy to try and explain what the viewer is meant to take away from a scene.
Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.
Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.
If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.
18 notes · View notes
tyrramint · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
Happy Lockwood & Co. Big Bang!!! :D I had the absolute pleasure of collaborating with @The_Dreamer_Half_Alive (on Ao3 :) on her fic for the @lockwoodandcobigbang2023 event; set post TEG, it’s truly so lovely and heartwarming, and I had so much fun doing a piece for it! We very much hope you enjoy :)
Link to the fic!!!! (the horror of the night melt away) under the warm glow of survival of the day
(Closeups below the cut :D) (because I ended up making it too wide to be easily seen in full lol) (plus ~artistic commentary~)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
(SPOILERS FOR FIC CONTENT)
Okay, so I tried to put a bunch of little easter eggs from the fic and just in general in here, so if you’re interested:
Alright, to start off, I was generally very inspired by them getting a record player; I thought it was very sweet, and I loved the idea of them finally getting to relax and hang out in the library (the lack of chairs, I know; I couldn’t figure out how to put them in without blocking people lol) and locklyle dancing, with the record player on in the background, so that’s what I took as the basis of the scene!!
We had discussed that the characters were kind of a combo of both show and book versions, so I tried to add a smattering and hints of both when doing their designs!
The record is, of course, an Ella Fitzgerald record as mentioned in the fic (the record drawn is her Souvenir Album)
Holly is wearing her engagement ring, and wearing shades of pink and cream because that’s what she wears at her wedding (although shifted in hue to better match the color scheme of the piece lol)
Everyone (minus Flo) of course has their white strands of hair (which is *always* one of my favorite details to draw)
Lucy and George bake in the fic, but I think I had just read the Christmas mini story when I was doing my thumbnail for this, so Kipps ended up being the one bringing in baked goods; however, the baking mitts are orange and monogrammed with George's initials because I couldn't let that slip by, could I?
I wasn't quite sure what to put Flo in, because in the books she never takes off her boots or puffer jacket, but I wanted to throw in some sign that she was living at 35 Portland Row and becoming closer to all of them, (and her close relationship with George,) so I let her keep the boots, but traded the puffer jacket in for one of George's plaid shirts :)
The chess game also made it in because of the Christmas short story, lol
Lucy's blue star jacket!! When I read the fic, I was planning from the start to have her wearing the jacket, so of course it made it in :) I wasn't really sure what style it should be, though, so I ended up with kind of an odd mishmash of designs, but I think it turned out working alright!
The sapphire necklace, because, of course
I adore that Lockwood wears his pink socks throughout the entire show (well, most of the time they're the pink ones ;) so I wanted to include them (and then gave Lucy blue ones to match :)
The chipped blue mugs that Lockwood brings to Lucy for her tea after she wakes up from nightmares are on the bookshelf, and I couldn't find a way to directly include the Earl Grey tea they have, but I made the tea bag tags grey in honor of it
The green glow is the ghost lamp outside because if I can find a way to incorporate cool glows in my art, I will (and also on a more narrative-driven note, symbolizing the past danger they've been through and how some of it is definitely still present, but they have each other to heal with and finally be able to have some simple fun with, and are now curled up in the safety and comfort of 35 Portland Row :)
And finally, a big theme of the fic is them healing and building a happy life together, so I just wanted them to all be happy for once, and hence I put in my best efforts to draw them as such :)
84 notes · View notes
Text
It’s actually kind of galling to have Jayce say Viktor’s ultimate problem was his own ableism rather than a genuine concern for workplace safety standards and environmental racism. Like are we seriously never going to address the toxic waste pumped into Zaun’s water and air from Piltoven factories and mines and how that caused worse health outcomes for the population for generations including Viktor’s own? Are we really saying that in a universe that diverged when Vi and Powder stole the crystals and never developed hextech, Zaun would’ve had clean, clear air and never would’ve pushed for nationhood?
Very silly but tbh what did I expect lmao
16 notes · View notes
perilegs · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
23 notes · View notes
katyspersonal · 1 year ago
Text
Speaking of "something intimate touched by dirty hands", I'll be real, I kinda do still need someone to "cleanse" image of Mic0lash for me. Ever since the grand fandom rift I've of course fallen onto the better side where fans are trying their best, I just can tell my Mic mutuals are trying their best with the guy. But something so incredibly bad is connected with the character- You guys know how negative experiences with people can ruin a character (and you're in luck if not the whole piece of media)? This character for me is a manifestation that if someone claims to really love and need me, I should keep in mind that it is a lie I should not trust.
I should know by now that when something sounds too good to be true - it IS, but he is like... an "avatar" of that realization. Someone I could just look at at be reminded without the words that yes, I should remember that I'll never be happy or valued like I want to. That my "ability" to see something good even in the darkest people or to listen to the intention of even the most distorted message is reserved for someone else. For something else. I am just not built for things like long friendships, celebrating holidays, exploring the world together, just being loved, just being able to trust, just being cared about, just sharing life with someone. My role in this world is to be a "tutorial enemy". Someone people would have a negative experience with but in exchange, understand who they are and what they really want in life, and let go of their struggles and wishes that tormented them. But I feel like I can only fulfill my purpose in this world for as long as I am ignorant about it. If I stop trusting people and seeking the type of love I need - I won't get attached, so I won't get hurt when people hurt me, so I won't be slain. Because this is what I am in - a videogame enemy that people need to defeat to level up and proceed to their own games. And if I stop respawning - how I can be what I am?
I just should not learn a thing, because people better off after they "murder" me. More cruel and reclused, but better off - more self-sufficient, more confident, more.. secure of how much good they deserve. It would just help them to be more cautious when someone actually toxic appears. Like, someone who is not even self-aware, not struggling and not remorseful. So they won't take chances, to the better.
But I just need to blind myself to the truth, because I've got nothing better to offer to this world than being that "tutorial enemy". People are better after slaying me. I drop Insight points upon being stabbed, and it happened so many times. I guess this character is just cursed with being associated with a truth so horrible that it is better off not realizing it and just be moved like a pawn.
12 notes · View notes
arodrwho · 1 year ago
Text
christ alive what an episode though
#overall i'm REALLY happy#but the bigeneration was a bad move and unless they come back to that and have 14 regenerate properly and/or fuse back into 15 i'm like#never gonna be happy abt that aspect#it's also just a bad LOOK. ur first (main timeline) black dr and ur just... gonna make his first scene all about the previous dr?#when the previous dr's actor has already had not one but TWO initial just-regenerated scenes??#like... why would you do that#the regeneration scene up TO the regeneration is for the outgoing dr#everything AFTER the regeneration should be all about the INCOMING dr. it's their introduction! it's a BIG DEAL!#and absolutely none of that was about gatwa's dr ALL of the emotional focus was on tennant's dr#not to say gatwa didn't shine! absolutely he did! but the scene wasnt about him. it was entirely abt tennant dr's emotional & narrative arc#AND. even that aside. it's just stupid to have 2 drs and 2 tardises#and it's ABSURD to just keep cloning the dr as a form of emotional resolution. rtd has done it TWICE now. what are they a LIZARD#if you want the dr in 2 places at once theres an easy mechanic for that. its a show about time travel. the solution is obvious#and also like. one of the central themes of the show is change & renewal what the FUCK are u doing. thats NOT change OR renewal#anyway uh. to conclude. bigeneration bad#HOWEVER. gatwa and tennant together in those scenes. INCREDIBLY good#it isnt the end result i dislike it's the method#also i am very excited for gatwa i love his dr so much already#dw spoilers#dr who
3 notes · View notes
woundedheartwithin · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Weenie dog got his test did
2 notes · View notes