#very nice of the man in the car
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
this dude got off the bus at the same time as me and was kind of following me so I like kept an eye on him but kept walking and bopping to fall out boy until I didn't see him anymore. then a minute later a car drove up beside me and asked if I needed a ride and I told him I was ok bc I'm like a half a block away and he said "oh ok I just wanted to make sure you were ok cause I saw that guy yelling at you" and I was like he was what???? bc I had my music up so loud I literally just couldn't hear a guy who was following me yelling. luckily he apparently got tired of me not responding and turned down a different street lmfao
#very nice of the man in the car#now viewers at home may be thinking why tf was ur music so loud if you knew you were being followed#my reasoning is 2 fold:#1st of all i find that not being able to hear someone trying to harass you makes it a lot easier to completely ignore them#and if you show no sign that youre paying attention they usually leave you alone#2nd. my toxic trait is that i dont think 1 person could successfully subdue me. even if they had a knife#and if they had a gun id say better make it a good shot#but genuinely im 5'2 and fat so people assume i will not be able to beat the shit out of them. bad assumption#im extremely strong when im angry amd would absolutely not hold back from scratching their fuckin eyes out and donkey kicking them
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
went to a good ol fashioned catholic funeral today. haven’t been to a real funeral since my grandma died (2018) and it was very nice tbh. got to see my family friends who i don’t see as often anymore. then got french food with my dad and sister and now im a bit drunk and took the dog im watching on a nice little walk at sunset 🥰 im a bit. emotional.
#rip lolo bart!#i am Not religious but it was a nice little service and tbh a lot of what the priest said is admittedly very comforting. like i get it#(kind of. not really)#also in the car the last song we heard before the funeral was three little birds by bob marley#and the last speech done by a family member talked about the man who passed and how his#advice throughout life to his grandkids was always#‘don’t worry don’t worry. everything is gonna be alright’ and she specially#specifically*#mentioned the song three little birds#and again. i am not religious. but there was something very special about that to me#like what r the odds. gave me CHILLS!!!!#god? jungian synchronicity? nothing? who’s to say. but i Felt it.
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
good morning can i show you guys the christmas card my little sister wrote me in french (she does not know any french)
joyeux Noël, j'espère que vous comprenez ce que je dis compte tenu de la fiabilité de Google Translate. Jespère qu'à l'avenir nous voir plus de deux fois par an. Je ne sais pas vraiment quoi dire d'autre, alors joyeux Noël et j'espère que papa t'a offert. Profitez également des autres choses que je mets sur la carte au lieu de vous ècrire un essai complet.
and then she wrote me a little crossword and a "connect the language to its way of saying 'merry christmas'" game 😭
#i really don't know what j'espère que papa t'a offert is supposed to be. seems to be missing a direct object#the previous sentence is also missing a couple words but i know what it is supposed to mean#french#sibling feels#anyway this was sweet#i am a little worried about her because a) one of the languages she put on the card for how to say merry christmas is hebrew#which is an odd choice if you're going to pick five languages to say merry christmas in lol#and i had just learned at dinner that b) she had never heard of chanukah. which is a bit concerning#also sidenote the hebrew version of merry christmas given is hag shmah which i'm guessing is the same as chag sameach?#which is used for any holiday not just christmas lol#i'm also a little worried because i think my brother gets more parental attention#or maybe my dad only pays attention to the sports that his kids play?#like my dad coaches my sister's team but didn't know what classes she has next semester#but seems to know all sorts of stuff about my brother's life#also she's 14 and i think wants to be much younger than that? or thinks 14 is very young (which it is but she is a teen. she called#herself a 'little girl' and was mad because she was home alone for the second time ever yesterday)#idk she's clearly just very sheltered. when they were driving me home we saw a homeless man on the side of the road holding#a sign and she said he was scary and i was like how come? he's just standing there#and she said one time she saw a guy like that and he was angry and now she thinks all of them (meaning homeless people ig)#are scary. so i had a conversation with her about that#like 14 is young she is a kid she has a lot of stuff to learn which is normal! but is she getting taught anything? is anyone paying#attention to her? i see her so rarely (as mentioned in the card) because i don't have a car and because i don't have#fond memories of that household and avoid my dad and stepmom but i should really try harder with her#my brother also wrote me a very nice card! he was pretty considerate yesterday which is also new#he did not discuss his opinion of the military or capitalism this time so i don't know how he is feeling about them these days lol#we talked a lot about sports lol
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Freyja voice I'm So Sorry you had a Traumatic Childhood and it made you Stupid On-Line.
#I HIT TAG LIMIT ON THAT. FUCK‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#can somebody tell me it's gonna be okay.#or at very least say hey milo. that sounds insane. and not normal. but validating style.#idk it was normal. for me. for. a long time. question for the chat is it normal#for your mom to say shit like 'your brother is a lady killer a very handsome young man' and like.#phrased in such a way where it's like. the tone is exasperated but also like ? am i? supposed to be agreeing w this?#i mean objectively conventionally he has blue eys and nice hair. i can see why so many girls did like him.#but like man i don't know i haven't really seen the guy since he got sent to juvee. so. who's to say.#top ten things i promised i would never overshare online bc i felt it would be far too damning.#like. for real. i promised myself i'd never talk about my break up (i did. in a bout of moe lore dumping.)#and i promised myself i would never give any details about my brother.#and well.#i don't know am i going to be killed. or worse. pitied.#like like further context that was a car ride conversation when i was like. probably around 15.#and the bit right after is like. me being 15 about it.#man. am i gonna get shot and killed. be honest.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
crazy that yan werewolf toji is still on the mind
#just thinking about…waking up in a cabin you don’t recognize….with an injured leg…after you went out hiking the day before#with a very foggy memory of how you got said leg injury and no way of getting back without help#and the man who found you whose cabin you’re currently in seems nice enough#just. gruff. but he doesn’t own a car which is extremely strange considering he’s in such an isolated cabin#and of course there’s no cell connection. so it seems you’ll just have to stay with him#until he decides you’re healed enough to make the journey back to civilization#that day will never come btw#vicspeaks#yandere tw
83 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry to log on n rant but i need to rant
#tbd.#ooc.#cw complaining#ignore the tags if u dont want to see how my life is going shdfhsf#so im doing my masters yeah#and im like. 75% thru#shouldve been done last month#but bc of the year ive had my uni adviser was rlly nice and sorted a way to extend my student status for another year#to get my dissertation done#like i did my 4 essays n now its just dissertation time#n i was supposed to start it now n get booked in with my mentor n stuff but i cant fucking log into the website#bc u need a MFA#and the MFA app my uni uses wont acknowledge me bc i have a different phone bc my phone broke#and a different number bc my phone contract got cut off#so idk what to do lol i cant log in and do anything#ive rang the IT desk for help 59w9er3424234 times#and everytime i get thru to the actual line n im taken off hold .. they hang up on me#idk if its a system error or my phone bc its a shit old one#but i cant do anything#and my universal credit claim got closed#non uk oomfs its a benefits system#n they help u with money to pay bills whether ur looking for work or unfit to work which is what my doctor said i am bc#my mental health and physical health combines to make me a super loser#n he thinks i might try to K word myself if i take too much on at once after eveerything#like i cant even sit and grieve my dad that died not even 6 months ago yet because i have to much shit to fucking do#like i cant afford to liven now#i cant pay my bills. they keep bouncing and coming back worse#i have debt collectors coming @ me#i am stuck in catch 22 man like not even my support workers can help me rn#and im very lucky that i own my own home bc of my car accident when i was 15 lol but everyone is just telling me to sell it
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
sometimes casey throws a like on posts about valentino's wins on four wheels, got me wondering how he really feels about vale's retirement life. back in the twilight of vale's career, casey was kinda sad seeing vale content with just hitting top five. but end of last year, he said he's happy for vale's new life vibe. (https://www.tumblr.com/kwisatzworld/735598710184165376/casey-stoner-talks-about-valentino-rossi-in-an)
but man, they're like poles... casey's rebuilding his storm-hit home on the gold coast, swinging golf clubs. meanwhile, valentino's still going full throttle—aside from a vacay in ibiza, dude's been all over the map this year with car races, bike races, tests, and coaching at his academy.
I'm gonna be honest, I have zero awareness of what any of these men do on social media... don't really keep up with them post-retirement in general unless they're literally at the races, giving interviews about their careers and whatnot. so whenever someone on here mentions something like this it's very... I didn't know that but it sure is interesting!! very sweet of casey lol (also link to the gifs)
though, quick note, I wouldn't say valentino was content back in the day with just being in the top five (or lower) - it's just the idea of stopping for a long time felt worse than carrying on. from that same giornale interview, -
And what is it like to live with the idea of leaving? "It's difficult to accept. I didn't give up until the end. But you understand that at forty you no longer have those homicidal instincts that you had when you were twenty-five. But it was hard. At a certain point in my career, about ten years ago, I asked myself: do I stop when I'm on the crest of a wave and retire as a world champion, or do I race until I can't stand it anymore?" Answer? "I race until I can't stand it anymore. And so I did."
it's something he had to decide for himself... of course, both marc and casey have said something along the lines of how they could never have done that themselves, how for them it's only worth it if they're winning. and, y'know, there is something about that for valentino... for all that obviously he is obsessed with winning and desperately wants to do so... he really doesn't just thrive in a fight - he needs it. and it's so interesting, in a way, when you think about just how early in his career he was flirting with the idea of walking away... and then think about how long he ended up sticking around. sure, he was always pretty clear that he would have just done something else racing-related like f1 rather than retire, but still! and in a way, it's probably the fact that he started losing that made him so determined to stick around... the malaise was at its strongest whenever he was winning, or rather, winning too easily... a motogp without valentino might have made it likelier that casey would stick around for longer, whereas a motogp with casey made it less likely that valentino would leave
but yes, casey did say motogp would be better with valentino close to the top:
casey's opinions on what counts as 'good racing' are a whole other thing I'm not going to get into right now, but, I don't know! it's fun! it's fun that casey looked at the 2013-18 period and then what came after that and went 'yeah it'd be better if valentino were involved in this'! "battling it out with these guys" - not even casey stoner is immune to the good old fashioned joys of watching valentino getting himself involved in a dogfight! very compelling of him. I don't think it's just lip service either, not least since it's not like casey is massively inclined to shoot random compliments in valentino's direction (yes, even during valentino's swansong casey did have some rather less friendly hot takes he needed to get off his chest). and... y'know, before the feud really got going casey did talk about how much he'd enjoyed watching valentino, went out with his mates to observe valentino in all his sessions and all that... given you're generally not watching valentino oohing and aahing about him hooking together a quali lap, he must have also enjoyed watching valentino race! happens to the best of us I fear
a persistent problem for a lot of valentino's rivals is how closely associated valentino has become with the very idea of motogp, which, y'know, is the thing they've dedicated their entire lives to. now, for casey this is particularly gnarly and complicated and painful because he has a severely strained relationship with the whole sport, in some ways that come back to valentino and in some ways that go beyond him. and post-retirement, it's not like casey has completely eschewed that active connection to the sport - he was a test rider, he wanted to race again in 2015 as a replacement for dani, he's worked as a rider coach. so again *wiggles hand* complicated. fundamentally though, yes, two very different outlooks. valentino was desperate to race in motogp until he couldn't any more. whereas casey? he's not even missed the racing itself:
can you imagine something more foreign to valentino than this... who loves nothing more than the thrill of the hunt, of the chase, of the kill... that is not a man who was showing up every weekend for the qualifying sessions. it's a way in which they could not be more different - and of course that's further reflected in what they've chosen to do with their time since retirement. valentino is so eternally restless, casey needed to ground himself again. valentino will not stop racing for as long as is physically possible, whereas casey is spending his days fishing... or swinging golf clubs apparently. wait a minute, you say his house was destroyed? by a tornado? ah
anyhow, that's the bit I love about them (not the tornado bit)... how they're both extremely similar and extremely different at the same time - that's the kind of tension through which the narrative juices flow... they're similar in ways you kind of have to be if you want to be very good at a sport, and very good in that sport specifically. in their commitment, their will, their passion for what they do. their competitive instincts, their need to win. how interested they are in preserving the 'soul' of their sport, how they were both firmly on the anti-electronics train for years and years... valentino being told about casey's comments in 2013 pressers and being like 'yeah I'm with him on this'... casey saying in 2018 that valentino is, and I quote, "like me: if it weren't for all these electronics that manage the bike, if the power was controlled only by the rider's right wrist, rossi would still be number one on the track". by the way, and this has absolutely zero relevance to this post, I do need to bring up this comment from the same interview because it makes me laugh:
so real, casey. I wanted drama too. anyway, that comment casey made about the 'stunning blood red' ducati being contaminated by luminous yellow or whatever - obviously in context it was anti-valentino, but it was also revealing that this is even something he cares about because he loves this sport... he wants it to remain true to itself... he regrets not having had the chance to ride the 500cc bikes that valentino was the last guy to be able to win a title on, which obviously valentino is also insanely proud of. there's little things that stand out when you cross-read their autobiographies - like for instance the deep preoccupation with the 'bike or rider' question, partly because they'd both been accused of owing their achievements to something else other than their actual ability (and of course, because they're funny like that, they do both absolutely do this to each other) (also to some extent literally every champion gets put through this, they sure do have a lot of opinions about it though). their thoughts on the importance of being honest to yourself and being honest about what you owe your success to... about not deluding yourself, of not blaming the bike when you are the one to make an error... there's plenty of interesting overlap in what they write y'know
they are both incredibly capable of holding grudges, they are both petty to a fault and will remember any offence you committed even if it was about seven years ago (genuinely casey might be even worse on this metric). and they use this to motivate themselves... they are both so so determined to prove people wrong. if they think you've wronged them, they openly admit that they use that as fuel to spur themselves on. it's the power of spite - yamaha rejected casey so he wanted to show them, nobody thought valentino could make the yamaha switch work so he wanted to rub it in honda's faces. they love to get even. they can be quite suspicious of others to the point of paranoia; there's a world in which they combine their powers to be extremely accomplished conspiracy theorists. they both have a temper - it's easier to get casey angry, but valentino is downright vicious when effectively provoked. plus, and this bit cannot be stressed enough, they are both insane. different flavours of insane, but, still, insane. if you spend enough time thinking about laguna 2008, this kind of becomes one of the key takeaways - because, okay, valentino's riding was. eh. but casey's riding? also very! eh! valentino started it but casey joined in! casey always talked about how much that race changed for him, how it taught him to be more selfish, to just race for himself... and even if it made him feel bad, the thing about casey is that he was willing to do that
but at the same time, of course they're both very different, in all the deeply obvious ways. their respective relationships to publicity, to media, to fame - valentino does struggle with it, does hate it a lot of the time, but at the end of the day he still shines in the spotlight and is an incredibly effective communicator. he's willing to play the game a lot more than casey is... although casey can play it too, if in a different way, when valentino forces him into it. casey's still willing to play it now, which is why you hear him constantly offering his commentary on that rivalry - he's selling a story, a narrative that he may genuinely believe in but that also is of course supposed to flatter him. at the end of the day, however, casey doesn't quite get why all of this has to be such a big part of the sport, why it's necessary to even have anything apart from the racing... whereas valentino has always understood why all the other stuff exists and why it's worth engaging with the public-facing side of the sport, even when he hasn't liked it
valentino loves the sport in its entirety, immediately embraced the entire circus of the paddock and found it endlessly exciting and exhilarating from the very first moment, whereas casey has often wished he could escape all parts of the sport that aren't the racing itself. valentino is someone who has spoken at length about the bonds of friendship with his team and how important they are to him, whereas casey is a man who has said his only friend in the paddock is his wife. the very strong but different connections they both have to their place of origin, and how meaningful those are to both of them, how important it is to their sense of identity... somewhere they'll always come back to. and of course there's a ruthlessness to valentino that is mostly alien to casey, if not entirely. valentino relishes the battle, whereas casey would prefer to avoid it. there are things valentino is ready to do, lines he's ready to cross, where casey doesn't even understand why you would do any of that. valentino loves having... if not an enemy, then certainly a target - and while casey is hardly a stranger to the motivating power of spite, he is more or less happy to complete his track times on an empty bit of asphalt. relatedly, he also wishes to believe that he is completely immune to any kind of psychological tactics... and sometimes he's more right than he's given credit for and sometimes he's wrong. casey is a lot more preoccupied with this rivalry than valentino is - and of course it has a far more defining role within his career than vice versa. casey walked away so much sooner than valentino did because he had grown estranged from the sport he had so loved. whereas valentino never stopped loving it, even when it hurt him, even when it could have killed him... and he never will stop loving it
this post is going to take a bit of a left field turn, sorry. but there's just something about. idk. athletes trapped in a rivalry that's so intense and so meaningful for at least one half, but that's also so about the kind of... gulf between them, the mutual lack of comprehension, where it feels like the divide is so big it might be unbridgeable... anyway, it always makes me think of a specific bit of andre agassi's autobiography where he talks about his rivalry with pete sampras. so here:
Walking up to the gate, who should I see but Pete. As always, Pete. He looks as if he's done nothing for the last month but practise, and when he wasn't practising, he was lying on a cot in a bare cell, thinking about beating me. He's rested, focused, wholly undistracted. I've always thought the differences between Pete and me were overblown by sportswriters. It seemed too convenient, too important for fans, and Nike, and the game, that Pete and I be polar opposites, the Yankees and Red Sox of tennis. The game's best server versus its best returner. The diffident Californian versus the brash Las Vegan. It all seemed like horseshit. Or, to use Pete's favorite word, nonsense. But at this moment, making small talk at the gate, the gap between us appears genuinely, frighteningly wide, like the gap between good and bad. I've often told Brad that tennis plays too big a part in Pete's life, and not a big enough part in mine, but Pete seems to have the proportions about right. Tennis is his job, and he does it with brio and dedication, while all my talk of maintaining a life outside tennis seems like just that - talk. Just a pretty way of rationalizing all my distractions. For the first time since I've known him - including the times he's beaten my brains out - I envy Pete's dullness. I wish I could emulate his spectacular lack of inspiration, and his peculiar lack of need for inspiration.
obviously the specific details of the rivalry are very different, and the two rivalries don't map neatly onto each other at all. but I don't know, it's always felt a good way of summing up that! disconnect!! the whole world might want you to be distinct from your rival for narrative purposes and you're aware of how artificial the whole thing is... but sometimes it can still be true... casey's always talking about how he never got obsessed with his rivals, how he always treated them all the same, how it was all just externally imposed onto him... which, okay, we could perhaps question the supposed lack of obsession, but it still comes back to how you don't want it to just be about you and that other guy. always you and them, them and you - and maybe you can't actually escape it because it's the truth... it's your legacy, it's fundamentally interwoven into the fabric of your career, it's why you will never truly free yourself from that narrative. "the gap between us appears genuinely, frighteningly wide, like the gap between good and bad"... you're bound together in your shared passion for this sport, but your biggest rival is also somebody who you feel like you'll never truly understand
casey may feel alienated from valentino and in doing so feel alienated from the very sport itself. whereas for valentino, casey was just what he needed. having casey was something motivating, something exciting for valentino - however annoying he found that man, he always needs something to inspire him and for a while there that something was casey. it's a rivalry that wore away at casey while at the same time it lit a fire within valentino... the 'cordial' mutual hatred they exhibited towards each other, wrapped up in this sense of mutual estrangement, it weighed more heavily on one of them than it did on the other... all these similarities between the two characters that exist alongside the violence of the contrast between them. that underlying and inescapable sense of alienation. on some level, they were always perfectly clear on who the other man was when they were fighting each other - and tailored their approach to the rivalry accordingly. but knowing doesn't quite equal empathy, it's not the same as understanding, and the distance between the pair of them inevitably remained. hey, maybe a dinner will fix it, maybe casey can explain where he was coming from to valentino and get the chance to interrogate valentino on the same. because that's what casey's expressing there, right, when he's talking about telling valentino his 'challenges' from his 'point of view'... it's not even as much about understanding as much as it is about being understood. it's about getting valentino to comprehend casey's side of things. maybe even getting valentino to care. of course, more likely than not, the dinner hasn't happened and will never happen. more likely than not, that gap will remain unbridgeable. perhaps it's too much to ask for, to ever truly know your foil. perhaps it's even more impossible to expect to be known
#brr brr#casey stoner#//#i do always have thoughts about them. anyway. it's nice casey likes the old man's dumb car racing#i do think casey might have complicated feelings about the post retirement activities because he has complicated feelings about vale....#but also kinda. again not necessarily HATING valentino As A Guy... at a certain point he's sort of separated that out in his head I reckon#“the only respite is fantasizing about retirement” “I hate tennis more than ever - but I hate myself more”#“apparently he doesn't find tennis as lonely as I do”#“I look up at the sky and fantasize about flying away. since I can't fly away at least this tennis ball can fly away. be free little ball”#obviously “I envy pete's dullness” very much goes the other way lmaoooooo still one of my all time fave sports autobiography lines#really reinventing the parallels to nineties tennis rivalries market here adding my own spin to this well established genre#batsplat responds#heretic tag#racquet tag
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about fallout 4 against my will
#random thoughts#fallout#unfortunately nora compels me#the fact the 'hi honey!' tape specifically mentions her 'shaking the dust off' her law degree is interesting#like she gave up her job to stay at home with her husband and kid. why?#like that's a whole year. at LEAST.#love the idea of nate pressuring her into it <3 maternity leave turns into 'isnt it so nice being with sean around the clock?'#'too bad you won't have this quality time when you return to work'#turns into 'you can always return to work if you feel like it but we DO have a lot saved up . . .'#and it's like. okay so fallout 4 would be so much better if it were set in the 1960s. literally no reason it shouldnt be#yknow beyond complying with lore which. it isnt that faithful to in the first place#i just think it's weird the game is like 'here's the FUTURE' and then it's like 'here's the FUTURE FUTURE'#anyway make it the 1960s. give me time-appropriate fucked up family dynamics#and nora's a laywer and a feminist who promised herself she'd never compromise her career for a man#and nate seemed so NICE and like he understood until uh oh. frog in a slow cooker#and he makes everything seem like it's her idea until she's barefoot in the kitchen with a screaming baby on her hip and burnt food in a pan#and she doesn't even realize she's trapped until it's too late. isolated from friends and family#idk ill do more research later to make it more time-accurate (ESPECIALLY interested in second-wave feminism)#anyway i think she cheats. with a door-to-door salesman selling places in the bomb shelters#(honestly probably the only adult social interaction she's had in weeks beyond her husband)#i like to think at some point she had a bit of a car accident due to the stress so nate took her keys#probably just a minor fender bender he blew out of proportion but she believes it because oh god what if she hurt sean#her feelings toward sean are complicated. i dont think she quite loves him which she feels guilty about so she overcompensates#with trying to keep him as safe as possible and she feels like he KNOWS and HATES her#(honestly when the bombs drop everything happens so quickly and when she's in the future and registers sean's gone she feels. so relieved)#(followed by heavy shame)#nate sabotaged her birth control btw. love evil 1960s patriarchs#never outright stated but heavily implied!#anyway nora in the future (while she felt very progressive for her time) feels very out of place#like her ideals have no place. like she has no place
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
at golden/blue hour the other day 🌕🍂
#mine#autumn#slowly changing trees#and heart tree#ft my cute ass lil car#found a new walk spot in there that’s so nice and to see about my winding road tradition pics and she’s not ready#was beautiful anyway and caught the best blue hour pics don’t do it justice#slow changes down this way there's only pockets for rn another week or so with how cold it's been at night#the highways look insane though I always want to pull off#l've been off so long I go back Sunday :( for a short week tho#wellllllll deserved break from how overworked man#its been so nice I don’t use any damn days all year for this break#have a show tonight and the nightfare this weekend#maybe plans with my dad and full moon#then back to hell but . refreshed#maybe it'll be like last year came back to a raise as a lowkey don't quit bribe#and very appreciated#in the meantime I have soup to think about making#wish had some cowboy hats for tonight#saw some in some store when walking around cambridge yesterday too like come on
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hewwo everybody! first of all: happy Juneteenth to all my African American friends! Second, I have update on the semifinals: i am traveling for a convention (anime ohio) and don’t have access to a computer, so semifinals will go up next weekend, not this weekend. Had a lot of stuff going on including con crunching so I kinda.. forgor to make the next bracket round….. so it will have to wait til I get back. sorry. Please be patient with me 🥲
#I have been very busy and stressed bc I ALSO have to prepare to move for grad school#had somewhat of a meltdown yesterday#anyway. I’m at booth 1225 if any of y’all will be there 👁️👁️#kinda annoyed I got put into the second artist room#I have terrible luck with table placements but whatever. 😒#hoping it will still be good#at least my costs are low so I’m pretty much guaranteed to breakeven at the very least#edit: the con was good :D#made a lot of monies and everyone was super nice#also hilariously I ran into someone from college who I knew and who was also tabling#I was wearing my school hat as I was coming in and it was like a homing becon apparently#literally the Spider-Man pointing meme#anyway#wanna go again next year but it will be more difficult to travel cuz of school and stuff#and I won’t be able to steal my parents cars 😔😔😔#or leave my cat with them for the weekend#will see what happens
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
at the oral surgeon and barely spent any time in the waiting room, where I could have been fooling around in my sketchbook and Vibing. I have, however, spent a LOT of time sitting here waiting in the exam room after watching their friendly informed consent video about how all procedures involving sedation include a risk of death
#cool vibe thanks#I could see my lovely little car from the waiting room I could have been sketching...#okay well he came in while I was writing tags and suggests it sounds like local anesthetic and novacaine might be better for me anyway#but also I can Think About It and let them know ahead of my actual appointment#which is nice#THE THING IS I'M NOT SURE LMAO.#I am very afraid of general anesthetic tbqh but I also don't wanna be Miss Big Balls and do it awake and be Wrong about being fine :'D#getting a filling has so far been Fine though....#doc: it's easier for me if you're awake? but we recommend anaesthesia for very bad anxiety-- I'll be drilling I may have to cut the bone etc#me: I mean the Drilling Sounds have never been my problem but I've never had a man digging chunks of tooth out of the depths of my flesh SO-#I'm gonna consult with my team (people who have had theirs out already) and see what we think I guess#my mom said hers went great and she went to work the next day and had no issues and I BET she stayed awake. similar types of anxiety I think#meanwhile justin severely oversold how horrible the anaesthetic shots are for fillings so I'll take his counsel with a grain of salt#about me
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
... what if I had another ultimate...
#x. talk#what if i also throw myself off a building!! what if!!!!!!!#this is about 🖤🌲 btw#i've obv been going through a lot of shit but the stuff im working on in therapy is helping me remember nice things abt my past#and im remembering just how much i relied on and cared about him through some of the hardest times in my life#i can clearly remember doodling him in my middle school notebooks and being so excited to play dbd just to see him...#he was the very first character in the game i fully prestiged and he's still my main to this day :)#i also ran an rp blog as him for 2/3 years that put the pieces together for me meeting my best friends modernly#he just has so much fucking meaning to me man... i do not have the clarity right now to properly word everything but holy fuck#even at work he's right there with me. he has the same aspirations and goals i do. he's love to work at the rehab n park with me....#god! i sound insane! probably because i am but. i just love him so much... and am thinking about all the time we've had together...#we've both gone through utter hell - both at each other's side and by ourselves - yet we still remain closer than ever#i reallllyyyy need to write our lore down it's something i have put so much time and thought into :(((((((#anyways! someone come hit me with a car!! please!!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
had a weird first time ever experience tonight. my mum pulled me in for a huge, super tight hug and told me "everything's gonna be okay"
#ngl i was choking back tears#not that I'd like ever let her see that#it was just like. ah man. i used to dream about having a mum like that as a kid#but now im 26 and i don't need her#and it just got me all sad because i could've had this all along#but she changed too late yknow?#it was nice don't get me wrong. very kind of her and nice to hear#but im also too old to believe that and it's too late for her to be my mum now#she's changing and trying and as complicated as that is. it's nice. but it still brings all of that back up#i just wish I'd been the kind of kid she wanted to treat that way when I /was/ a kid#anyway. felt foreign to actually experience that#i thought that was the sort of thing that only happened in movies and books#mine#meanwhile my dad said to me#'i wish you could be inside my mind so that you'd understand what a REAL problem is and how much yours don't even matter'#i know he was genuinely trying to be supportive by saying that. his way of giving me perspective i guess#but it just made me feel like a) you dont listen/understand me at all and b) i wish youd be inside MY mind so that you'd actually understan#and c) like a dramatic and oversensitive child. which is how he's always made me feel & im trying to not do to myself#the fucked up part is he was really trying his best to help. so i just smiled politely and thanked him and went and cried in my car lol
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I did something completely out of my comfort zone and I lived!
#Wasn’t prepared for freeway driving at all but I surprisingly didn’t screw myself or the person following me over#now that I have Siri hooked up to the car stereo that is#Also nothing quite like being on high alert all day to give you a tension headache#But fortunately for me it wasn’t warranted because if anyone wanted to like chop me up and put me in a freezer they would have#But I’m talking to you now and I’m obviously not dead so woohoo#Don’t worry I never go into anything unprepared. And I’m the most resourceful person I know other than my father#Who does not surpass me but equals me#But yeah they’re actually nice and neurodivergently-honest and not trying to love bomb me so far as I can tell#Because I was getting “this is weird” vibes but never the “don’t do this you’re gonna die” feeling#And they’re quite obviously auDHD so I crunched some numbers based on observable behavior and determined#much of the bubbly “too much” behavior was coming from that#but I was unaccustomed to it because I’m on the polar opposite end of the DSM for ADHD (unsure of autism)#and am less likely to recognize behaviors I don’t engage in as being a symptom of neurodivergence#If that makes any sense at all#Like I’m heavily heavily introverted and quiet and soft-spoken and never initiate friendly physical contact with anyone while talking#I’m very reserved with people I don’t know and am in possession of the most blunted affect known to man and don’t reveal my hand#Ever#So seeing someone engage in the opposite of those behaviors to a degree that isn’t normal with me made me take a step or two back#because my sensory/social/trauma issues are opposed to those kind of things#So I prepared just in case my assessment of them was incorrect but everything turned out fine.#I may be extremely introverted and socially awkward (or at least I feel like I am)#but I make up for it by being able to read shrimp social cues— social cues you didn’t even know existed#(And I also project the vibe of “I have eyes in the back of my head” which makes me kind of scary for someone as slight as I am)#But yeah I’m grateful to have met them and that they’re nice#It sounds like I don’t like them but I swear I do. The circumstances of the journey made me more apprehensive than the person themself
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
been busy... last night I worked a 3hr shift til closing (10pm) and today I worked a 7hr shift from opening (8am)... 😭😭
#and to make matters worse we don't have a car rn so i had to take public transport!!! ieeee it took so long#i mean ok tbf there are plenty of days i get 6hr of sleep for no reason but still. still.#anyway this is the only time ive had a shift as bad as this i weighed up the merits and decided the $$$ was worth it this time#anyway. i got some stuff for a nice bath once i get home#rn im on the train. watching a grown man chew his earphone cord. hes very real for that i fear
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
made spearmint tea but wasnt sure if honey would go good with it and its actually very nice
#i woke up nice and warm in my blankets but had to go outside to move my car and its like 40smth degrees so tea sounded very nice and warm#and comforting and it was so now im back in bed waiting til i have to get up and ready for work#man i just remembered i have to do my t shot today#maybe ill just do it when i come back#except i will probably forget or put it off AARGEHEHDH ok we're getting up now#des rambles
2 notes
·
View notes