#wanna go again next year but it will be more difficult to travel cuz of school and stuff

[animemusicbrackets]

Hewwo everybody! first of all: happy Juneteenth to all my African American friends! Second, I have update on the semifinals: i am traveling for a convention (anime ohio) and don’t have access to a computer, so semifinals will go up next weekend, not this weekend. Had a lot of stuff going on including con crunching so I kinda.. forgor to make the next bracket round….. so it will have to wait til I get back. sorry. Please be patient with me 🥲

[kenmei]

-ˏˋ FOREVER N THEN SOME! ˊˎ-

♡ gn!reader x kozume kenma

cw: pinch of angst (to fluff !!!), romance, slice of life, crying, established relationship!au, timeskip!au

synopsis: in which he’s actually more traditional than he leads on

wc: 2000+

notes from mei!

ive had this idea rattling around my skull for the longest time

sixteen and a handshake. a standard, normal handshake, but still awkward.

you remember how his hand perfectly fit with yours—how his palms were searing hot as they met with your much colder ones.

you remember him, as a second-year, as the setter for the team you cheered for from the stands. you remember his flushed cheeks when you kissed him on the cheek for a first time, watching as his brain malfunctioned as the rosy hues on his face spread to his neck and the tips of his ears.

you remember him, as the captain, worn out and exhausted at your doorstep.

you recall how he slumped onto you, making you somewhat drag him to your room. half because he really was that tired, and half for his own amusement.

you know him. you know him a bit too well and it’s both a blessing and curse.

because you wonder if he’s finally grown out of it—of this.

looking at the empty spot beside you, you think that, perhaps, he really has—the signs are staring right at you. lately, you’ve been sleeping in a cold bed, waking up to yet again another empty penthouse as you figure he’s at the office again.

(you hope he’s at the office, at least).

texts replies are always hours apart. it seems like he’s been doubling up on streams. friday’s that have always been reserved for two since forever, have only had one person attending these past few weeks.

this is sad, your chest clenches dejectedly at yet another morning where it’s only you. looking around, a part of you wishes that kenma’s actually here, that any second now, he’s going to emerge from his game room, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he scratches his tummy.

because even if you both don’t talk as much as you used to, it’s enough for you simply when he’s present. it’s enough for you when he mutters a good morning, waddling past you to go make his coffee before sitting on the couch.

it’s enough for you when he’s here.

the absolute bare minimum can make you the happiest, but you wonder if even that is too much.

twenty-four and you’re still overthinking.

“just talk to him!” your friends say, but truly it isn’t that easy. even if you’ve both promised to be better at communicating, something about this whole situation makes communication feel so much more difficult.

“you’ve been together for so long, you both still aren’t married?” if you’re being honest, it does bother you sometimes and you wonder if maybe, you should just get on one knee instead.

but you don’t. you don’t because you and kenma already both live(d) like you’re married. you both still share(d) that dynamic of being a laid-back couple who deals with problems as they come.

you don’t think about marriage with him because it already feels right. you don’t mind not getting married and honestly, you’re pretty sure kenma isn’t that kind of guy.

you’re startled by someone poking the side of your head.

your head turns to see kenma, brows slightly furrowed as he analyzes you.

you shake your head, sitting up straight on the couch. “’what’s u—wait, aren’t you supposed to be streaming right now?”

kenma nods his head, plopping into the spot next to you. “ended early. chat was being rude today.”

your head bobs in understanding as you try to find words to piece together. he must be frustrated, you know a little bit about how difficult it can get as a streamer and you also know him, that if he doesn’t want to be near you or hear you, he simply wouldn’t be.

you smile slightly, “t—”

“why are you so tense?” he questions, leaning back. his eyes study you and you feel like hiding.

“’m not.” you defend, shrinking.

“you are.” he replies, “what’s wrong?”

you hum, grabbing a throw pillow and falling onto your side, opposite from him. “class was hard today. your paparazzi found me at the grocery store—”

“that happened last week.”

you groan, because fuck, you really can’t lie to him. he’s too good at getting you to open up, no matter how hard you resist it.

“it’s stupid.” you pout, covering your face with the pillow, already feeling your wound up emotions spiraling back up to the surface.

kenma’s hand lands on your legs, situating them over his lap. he pats the side your calves, humming. “talk to me.”

“what about you?” genuinely, you feel like right now isn’t the best time to talk about this. “you were just telling me about how your chat was being rude!”

“that can wait.” he replies, patient, like he’s always been. “something’s been bothering you, no?”

yes. you think. but i don’t wanna talk to you about it ‘cuz i’m scared.

“are you tired...” fuck, you think, because once again, he’s getting you to talk. “of—of me?”

he’s always been good at this. somehow always getting you to say whatever’s clogging up your mind. he reads you like an open book and you hate it, because even after all these years, it’s still scary.

it’s daunting, because he knows so much about you. if he wanted to, he could pick you apart all too easily, knowing exactly what buttons to push to make you break and that’s scary. it’s terrifying, even.

you feel his hand, as warm as they’ve always been, slide under the bottom of your loose pajama pants, warming up your ice cold skin.

and the feeling is weird, because you feel like you’re on fire, yet his hand is still so much warmer than you.

it’s comforting. you’ve both always been touch-starved and kenma knows this, he knows this as he traces small shapes on your calves, the hem of your pants riding up a bit.

“why would i be tired of you?” he mumbles, eyes moving to see your face is still very much covered with the pillow.

you shrug, leg twitching under his feathery touch. “you’ve been distant and stuff... i dunno.”

and it feels like he’s back at square one with you. kenma feels like an idiot for not realizing sooner, cursing himself for being so caught up with work (and something else) that he’s been neglecting you.

you’ve always been a bit of a crybaby, only him and your close friends know this.

he notes that you tend to cry even when you both have the smallest fights, and it’s something he’s used to.

so to know that you’re holding everything in, it makes his chest tighten.

���i’m sorry, angel.” he says, quiet. “work’s been busy.”

yes, work is busy. even if he finds it enjoyable, it can get taxing sometimes. but he’s also been looking around for something, something that he needs perfect.

“‘s okay.” you mumble and he knows he’s fucking up even more. “i just miss you.”

he tugs on the bottom of your shirt, “c’mere.”

you shake your head and he ponders on what to do.

because even now, even though you’ve both been together for so long that existing with the other is literally needed, there are times when you both get stuck—where existing together feels more complex than it should ever be.

“please,” he pleads softly, “i miss you.”

and if you’re not gonna come to him, he’ll come to you.

so he leans down, forcing you to hold a bit of his weight as he lays atop you. he pulls the pillow away, wiping the few tears away with his thumb.

he kisses your cheek.

twenty-four, you let yourself cry because you’ve missed him so much. seeing other in the evenings or exchanging a few short words doesn’t do it for you anymore, it never will.

another kiss, but on the other cheek. i’m sorry.

another for your forehead, then one more on your nose. i love you.

your hands cling to him and he smiles, caressing your hair. his head lays in the juncture of your neck, frequently wiping your tears with his thumb.

he makes you sit up, only because he wants to hold you.

with your back to his chest, his warm hand envelopes yours. he doesn’t make you face him, because he knows that wouldn’t make you feel comfortable. 

it’s only when he hears your crying subside, that he holds your chin, making you look him in the eyes.

“are we okay?” he mumbles, his lips so close to yours you can feel his breath.

it still gets to you. he still gets to you like you’re both still teenagers; your heart thumps in your ears, body burning because fuck, he’s really close to kissing your lips.

you nod, “’m sorry. didn’t wanna talk to you ‘cuz i was scared.”

his lips slot against yours and it’s gentle, your mind becomes fuzzy with a warmth only kenma can provide you. he chuckles when he pulls away, your lips chasing his.

“don’t worry about that,” he says softly, “i might’ve accidentally made it harder to approach me.”

you shake your head. “thought it was just my overthinking.” you fiddle with your fingers, “i didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it.”

“next time,” he says, “make a big deal out of it. you gotta talk to me, angel.”

you whine, feeling embarrassed because you’ve gotten this lecture from him so many times.

kenma sighs against your skin, wondering if now is the right time. it feels like a good time, but he doesn’t want to waste a special moment because of a good feeling.

“what’s wrong, ken?” you ask, tilting your head back onto his shoulder.

your eyes are red, you’re still sniffling every now and then.

he smiles, hand travelling to his pocket as he pulls out the ring, holding it in front of you. “this is why i was so busy. t—the box is in my gaming room, though, fuck—”

“is that—”

“w—wanna get married, y/n?” his whole face is red. you giggle at his shaking hand as you hold out your own (shaking) hand.

“yeah. i really wanna.”

and you’re crying again as he slips the ring on your finger. the diamonds sparkles at you and you can’t help but fawn over the ring as you sob.

“crybaby.” he mumbles, kissing your cheek. he nuzzles into your neck, arms wrapped tightly around your midsection. “i love you.”

and it’s here you realize that kenma is a lot more traditional than you thought. memories flood in of him always getting you to watch the first snow with him through his window, forcing you under the kotatsu with him as he shows you a new game he started playing.

eighteen. for your two year anniversary, he took you to a place with love locks. signing one off with you before throwing the key god knows where. and you remember thinking it’s weird, because the month before that, he was telling you stuff like that is kinda phony. 

nineteen. you recall him grumbling about getting into a yukata for the festival, but grumbling even more when you gave in and said you’d both attend in normal clothing, because he’s already halfway in the yukata, why would he change? (he just wanted to wear one with you).

twenty-two. his persistence to keep you awake to watch the sun rise on new years.

you realize kenma follows traditions more than you do and you chuckle.

giggling, you hold your hand out where the diamonds on your left ring finger shine happily, tilting your head to kiss him yet another time.

“i love you.”

change. you know your daily lives aren’t going to be much different, but you both like how your last name will be the same as his.

twenty-four. he proposes to you so casually that some might find it weird. but you both aren’t ones for big gestures. you know kenma loves you, it’s in the way he moves your hair out of your face as he asks you if he can still make it up to you.

and he knows you love him, when you laugh and tell him he already has—when you intertwine your fingers with his and kiss the top of his hand, kenma knows and you know, too.

forever it is.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Best Friends with Lila Pitts

Lila Pitts x reader

warnings: tua 2 spoilers! guns, knives, violence

a/n: 💖💖

prompt: @cullens-stuff: “Can I request a HC of being bffs with Lila? Please and thank you! You have a Lovely day!”

you were the child of a commission member

ironically, a commission member that the handler could. not. stand.

you and lila snuck around a whole lot during your childhood

but the handler always found out one way or another

i mean, you weren’t “special” like lila, but you were of use to the handler since you and lila got close

“i might as well train the both of you”

“really?! that would be amazing!”

“yes, it would. especially since it gives me an excuse to shoot you”

“you won’t regret this!”

“sweetie, i don’t regret anything”

you and lila just trying to be kids in such a tough environment

“wanna sneak out for a bit? try something new?”

“uhhh, depends? what year is it again?”

stealing candy from the handler’s desk

and anywhere else you may find candy

there was an abundance of candy at the commission, kinds from different time periods

training with lila was very stressful at first

“why dont you keep up, y/n?!”

“im trying! tell you mom that i don’t want a bullet in my leg!”

“if i do, she’ll aim higher!”

laying in the grass and taking a breather

occasionally the handler permits a sleepover

but only at her house and most of it is off-limits

better than nothing?

you have access to any and all programs and movies ever created

“pick a year, any year”

“uhhh, nineteen-seventy......five!”

“how do you feel about wonder woman?”

“count me in!”

lila wasn’t allowed to have popcorn

dont ask me why i just feel like she wasn’t allowed

tbh she probably wasn’t allowed to have candy either, that’s why you guys constantly snatched it up

you went on missions before her because you were “disposable”

lila got very jealous

“i just don’t understand why my mum would clear you for missions, but wont let her own daughter do an ounce of work!”

“i mean...she’s pretty protective of you. really sorry, lila, wish you could come along”

“no, it’s alright. i’m not mad at you, just be careful”

“psh, what am i, an amateur?”

her wanting to know every detail of your missions when you get back

“did you stab anyone? shoot? punch? maim? tell me all of it, please!”

and you always did, and she was always at the edge of her seat for it

she really did wish that she were there, too, though

“god, i wish my mum would trust me to go on a real mission someday, it’s not fair that you get to see all the action”

“give it time, lila, she’ll come around”

lila and you were together when you found out that the handler had been shot in the head

“oh, god. what am i going to do without her?”

“hey, dont think like that”

suddenly finding out that a bullet to the head wasn’t enough to kill that crazy lady

visiting the handler in the hospital during her recovery

she wasn’t happy to see you

but its okay :,)

lila finally got a mission! well, sort of

it wasn’t an official commission objective, but it was given by the former handler

and you got to be in on it!

“when and where are we going?”

“dallas, texas. 1963”

“any idea why?”

being separated from lila

but visiting in the asylum for updates

you met with other hargreeves siblings

*searched for

they weren’t very available

luther was working for a...dangerous man. no more dangerous than yourself, really. you could end him in a swift second.

diego was lila’s mark

allison was working in a hair salon, you’d be on your way there soon enough

klaus was leading a fucking cult, it would be difficult to get close to him

five, still nowhere to be seen

ben...still dead

vanya was difficult to track down, but there were a few missing ads popping up in the papers that fit her description. check back later

lila calling you up later to let you know she was out of the asylum

the story at elliott’s: “lila, oh, my god! when did you finally get out, i was so worried about you! i was just about to go visit you again. this must be that ‘diego’ you were telling me about”

“oh—you, you told them about me?”

making buddy-buddy with diego for the operation

teasing lila about him cuz you could tell she was starting to like him

“be quiet, y/n! let’s keep things professional”

“yeah, right! tell that to yourself!”

scheming

the good ol’ scheme team

yeah

having to cover for each other pretty often

“five knows”

“what?! how?”

“mum told him”

“what?? is she trying to get us killed?”

situation is weird, me no likey

watching diego and her get ~closer~

“awe, you two are soooo cute”

“cut that out”

to diego: “if you hurt my best friend, she’ll kill you”

“oh, i don’t doubt it for a second”

after the handler got what she wanted (AJ the fish), the mission was just about done

the commission got all wacky and you were starting to get a lot more cautious

lila got promoted!!

“y/n, what would you think about a security job?”

“i dont know...i mean, i’m already an field operative”

“and a damn good one! what if i brought diego in to be on my security team?”

she fuckin did

“i dont know, lila, can we trust him?”

“of course we can trust him!”

lila saw the report on her parents

something felt off about the whole thing, though...lila said her parents were killed in an armed robbery, so why did the handler lie all these years? and why was the handler there to take lila in?

final battle-type thing

it was interesting, indeed

all the agents in the same place

something just didn’t feel right

you were, of course, shielded from the blast

and got to see lila’s powers up-close

five explained some things in between the fighting that started to make sense of the whole thing

“lila, maybe we should listen to him?”

“no! he killed my parents and i’m gonna kill him”

“yikes”

you ended up trying to pull her away from all this, but she knocked you away

you ended up watching diego try and help her, which was a bit heartwarming tbh

until the handler shot you all

(new timeline)

until the handler was shot and you were all saved

before you could even get to lila, she time-traveled away and you were left with the umbrella academy

you ended up going back with dot and herb to fix up the commission a bit

until next time, i guess

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @cullens-stuff // lotsoffandomrecs // @takethebladeawayfromme //

[eerythingisshaka]

PTA III

[Trevante Rhodes x Reader]

Word Count: 2.2K

Summer had come and gone in the blink of an eye yet felt as long as finals week when you were earning your teaching degree.  School ended last quarter with a clumsy splat seeing as the first wave of virus knocked everything out of order very quick. You stressed out running lessons to the school for kids to pick up and working with families with limited to no internet access pulled your patience to its thinnest layer.

So when all had officially finished, you had to take the time to yourself as best as you could.  In a normal summer, you would plan a getaway to just about anywhere you hadn’t seen before and the more solo the better.  Sipping something alcoholic in a warm climate with the Sun toasting your skin to its peak melanated beauty was all you would need to pack you full of endorphins that could last you into the next year.

But that wasn’t the plan now.  Travel restrictions keep you from going out of town and you can’t even get a decent dinner anymore seeing as most restaurants are dine out only.  The only silver lining you can muster is the mask mandates allowing you to keep from smiling at strangers in awkward politeness when they get in your way.  It is a layer of protection for your sanity and solitude.  

However that wasn’t the only silver lining you have from the summer.  Mr. Rhodes, or Trevante as he has to still remind you, became very generous with his time with you outside of the classroom.  As much as you try to keep things professional for your jobs sake, he won’t let you be for any little thing.  Your email has message after message from him asking about simple math for everyday things that apparently Nemour needed refreshing on, followed by a ‘so how you been doing?’

Email 1

“Dear Ms. (Y/N), I am contacting you in regards to my son, Nemour.  While in the grocery today, we came across a sale for oranges, 3lb. for $5.  But then this other store has 5 lb. for $6.  Now he is itching to know what price would be the better one to go for?”

Your response:

“Dear Mr. Rhodes,  Although my primary concentration is History, you can tell Nemour that he should go for the second deal with 5lb.”

“Perfect, that’s why you’re the teacher!  So...how’ve you been?”

Sometimes you reply, and sometimes you leave him on read, it depends on how conversational you feel.  But as time progressed, you got excited to see his emails asking to remind him what the 3 branches of government are or what amendment means what?  He even got you on video chat to discuss.

“What?!  So slavery isn’t really abolished on that bullshit?”  Trevante exclaims in awe.

You throw your hands up, aghast as if you just learned it yourself.  “That’s the thing about American government.  They will throw a loophole where you least expect it and throw a parade like the shit ain’t bout to pop out.”

“Damn!  That’s like some Trojan horse shit honestly,”  he shakes his head, taking a swig of his beer.

You snap your finger, “Exactly, my man, exactly!  That’s why nobody can agree on anything worth a damn.  There’s gonna be a clause somewhere that adds some shit that makes the whole thing rotten. But you didn’t hear it from me, so don’t let Nemour know I’m saying this kind of stuff.”

He twists his face in confusion.  “Why wouldn’t I?  My son got a right to know about what this country is founded on.  Everyone does.”

“Yeah I know.  Just...when topics like these pop up it’s difficult to keep it all…” your voice trails off as you search your bedroom for the words you are looking for.

“Politically Incorrect?”  he offers.

You nod a little.  “Kinda, yeah.”

He sets down his beer, sitting a little closer to the screen.  “You shouldn’t have to worry about that.  History is literally set in stone.  If we didn’t have it, we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves now.”

“Do we know what to do now though?”  you ask in a higher pitch, squinting like you stepped in hot coals.

Trevante took a minute looking at you before dipping his head down to chuckle.  You could hear the pounding baritone in his chest from your speakers.

“What?  What’s that about?”  you ask.

He sits up again, stroking his beard, “It’s cute when you make your face like that.  That’s all.”

You roll your eyes, pulling your scarf further down your forehead to make up for slipping.  

Trevante tuts at you.  “I need a bucket or something to catch these compliments you keep throwing away that I toss at you.  You don’t believe me or what?”

You give a very dignified look, “I believe I am beautiful.  I just don’t believe in entertaining a parent, is all.”

Trevante sighs.  “Summer don’t count (y/n).  You’re not his teacher now so what’s the issue?”

You look off to the side and back at him.  The crisp white t shirt he has on is obstructing more of the view of his body then you care for but the tightness at the sleeve around his bicep makes up for what you know is already there.

“Hello?”  he says.

You blink a few times, crossing your arms.  “Hm?”

“You go off into space a lot too.  What’s on your mind when you do that?”

His arms around your waist that tightly bind you to his body as you inhale his sweet cologne that is perfectly distributed from his neck to chest.

You scratch your neck, and tell a half lie.  “Oh, just this new school year.”

“See this is a perk of having a teacher friend.  Fill me in, what’s up?”

“Well, all I have right now is that we are doing hybrid learning, so some classes at the school and some at home.  Now the district just need to provide the materials for the kids to be able to do that.  The internet, the laptop/tablets, and make sure we can all connect and no one is behind on lessons.  And since I am on the front line, I have to get creative with the lesson plans and keep people on task and on time.”

Trevante nods.  “Well me and Nemour are excited to see what you have for us next year, whatever it is.”

You smirk at the encouragement.  “Thank you Tre, but I can’t guarantee we will be together for the next school year.  That’s decided at random.  Plus the grade he is in next year is the last one I teach.”

“Nah, we gonna be in there.  If I have to sign a petition or boycott like these hot breathed whites out here not wearing masks, we will be in your class this fall.”

You bust out laughing at his determination.  “Dang, Tre!  Don’t go starting a ruckus up there cuz of me!  He will still be taught well, whoever he has a teacher.”

He makes a cut it motion across his neck.  “Nah, we only rock with the best and that’s you up there.  I will make all the, what you call it?  Ruckus?  That shit!  So I will be seeing you first day in the fall, ok?”

You feel heat spread over your skin from shyness.  His brash attitude comes out and makes you feel like a superstar.  “Ok, I’ll hold you to it.  How’s Nemour doing anyway?”

Trevante nods, picking up his laptop as he changes rooms.  “He is doing well, being a regular kid.  Playing and doing his chores.”

You nod.  “Great!”

He closes a door behind him as he lays the laptop down, you can tell he is laying across his bed on his stomach as he speaks.

“He has been asking me a lot more questions about police and like, if they stop me or him, what’s gonna happen and what do we do?  Should we run away?  Can we not live by cops, stuff like that.”

You heart breaks hearing this. “Wow, and this is coming from a child?”

He nods, resting his chin on his forearm.  “It’s part my fault.  I’m always looking at the news and if he sitting at the table eating breakfast or whatever, he’s gonna see it.  I cut it off when they show bodycam footage though cuz that is nothing but toxic.”

“I can’t count how many times I had to see them replay that man dying in the street.  And in front of people watching, they don’t care who is watching cuz what can you do?  You can’t interfere or that’s a charge on you but he could’ve lived.”

Trevante looks spaced out for a second hearing this.  “I know, and that’s why it’s hard explaining to Nemour what everything is about.  I give him the basics though:  Do what the officer says, don’t argue, and don’t get into shit that’s gonna get the cops called  on you either.  But it sounds played out to even say.  What did everybody else do that’s dead now?”

“Nothing.  Sleep in their bed, going to the store, jogging.  Not a damn thing that warranted a bullet.”

Trevante gives a small shrug, looking sad like he is staring at his reflection in a pond.  “Yeah, so he been grappling with that and that’s a lot for a kid his age.  That’s why I want him to be your student still too cuz you’re one of the only Black teachers there and I honestly think he is uncomfortable with white people right now.  We went to the store the other day and he calls himself protecting me saying if the man getting bread bothers me, he put on his little Timbs so he can stomp him for me.”

You gasp at the thought, giving a weak smile.  “I mean, that would go viral for some child to curb stomp a big old white dude.”

Tre smiled some too.  “I think Nemour was this close to saying ‘Don’t worry bout it sweetheart.’  I can’t let him look at no internet again.”

You put your foot up and say, “He finna give him that SPLAHH!”

Trevante laughs heartily, wiping his eyes, “You more hip than I thought too.”

“I had some wine earlier, so that might’ve helped.”  You put a finger to your mouth and pull up the glass from the nightstand.  

“Oh shit!  So this is Turnt Teacher!  Go head then, don’t let me stop you”

You wave him off.  “You aren’t stopping anything.  If nothing else, you keeping me going.  All this house shit is working my last nerve, it’s nice to see a familiar face every once in a while.”

“I think so too.  You’ve been a great addition to some weeknights this summer.”

You put a thumbs up as you sip your wine.  “Are we still doing a movie tonight?  I think it’s my turn to pick.”

Trevante curls up a lip.  “Nah, I don’t think so.”

Your heart sank a little, already having queued up a selection to watch.  “That’s ok, it is late.”

“Yeah, but really I wanna see you in person.”

Your body tensed at the invitation.  Thinking over the last few months of chatting, he has warmed up to you as an individual, but you aren’t sure if that feeling can translate outside of a screen.  Behind the camera it’s safe, you can be cute and mysterious but vulnerable and clumsy and it all comes up roses for him.  In person, cute and mysterious can seem pretentious and vulnerable and clumsy could just be a weirdo geek to him.

“Well,” you start, “I would but...you know this...pandemic is just…”

“I know,” he says.

“...awful, right?  So I just don’t think I can comfortably do that...now?”

Trevante thinks for a second.  “We can stay within the parameters of the guidelines though right?  Six feet, masks, no crowded space.  If you want, we can do that.  I just…” he sighs heavily, looking tired as he rubs his eyes, “...I have been getting stir crazy and you are the main one I have been keeping contact with outside of family, yet I only spent time in person on Valentine’s Day that one meeting we had.  And you had a date later!”

You laugh at him, remembering their first meeting that could’ve been an email no doubt.

“Yeah, you’re right.” 

“Do you wanna go out with me?  Be honest!”

“Tre, I told you-”

“See?  You even call me Tre now.  We familiar right?  I don’t usually have to beg like this but ma’am, you almost got me on bended knee!”

“Uh…”  you start to feel bad but your mouth stops working under pressure.

“Six feet,” he reminds you.  If nothing else, that makes you less inclined to want to go because what can you do?  No kissing that’s for sure.

“I don’t want to confuse Nemour,”  you rebuttal.

“He will be watched by a guardian, trust me.  He won’t be cramping out grown folks business.”

You feel a flutter in your stomach that fuels your excitement.  A plan to go out, with a man no less!  This could turn the summer around or be a disaster on the horizon.

“Don’t overthink it.  You’re a smart woman, but I don’t want you to overcalculate this.  You wanna see me, I wanna see you.  We’ll play it safe, and finally see each other in some natural light.”

You nod slowly, a smile creeps across your face as his argument finally sways you.  “Ok, I’m in.  Pick the time and place.”

Tag you!

@chaneajoyyy​

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Zuisouroku vita Okita CG Character Perspective

Last Zuisouroku CG post (finally)! though this is not the last zuisouroku game content post since I did find 2 more interesting things to translate.... Unfortunately that does not include the new story in the vita version of the game which I never found translations for... or the  薄桜鬼紀行 (i call it the travel guide) content. 

The travel guide (and the cg character perspectives apparently) was also included in the ds version of the game (according to text i found), and is a collection of conversations between characters about certain locations and places.... like Harada going to Saito's room to return some notes or tools on katana maintenance and then remarking that Saito's room has nothing useless in it with Saito then wondering about Harada’s comments, Yamazaki being tricked by Souji to go into Hijikata’s room, talk about Shimabara from the baka trio, a convo with Saito, Hijikata and Souji about the Yagi residence, and a convo between the male demons about the Tosa or whatever domain was associated with Kaoru’s rasetsu, etc..... 

Unfortunately, since all I have are summaries+partial translations of those conversations in Chinese, I will not be translating them since I have no interest in translating things that I will only be able to leave incomplete (or summaries for that matter) though that might change on the extreme off chance that someone translates said stuff into CH tho I honestly doubt that will happen if it that hasn’t happened already... or if i find it whenever i start looking for more translate which won’t happen for let’s say... more than 5 years? lol. random number tho it’s true that i’ve got an extremely long list of things that i have Ch tl for so i really don’t need or want more...

anyway, all images used are were taken with my vita, and same as my other zuisouroku postings, aside from the new cg, all other cg images used were edited together. i think these are in order... but i don’t care if they aren’t lol. 

enjoy....? also why does it seem like every third/fourth post of mine never shows up under the hakuoki/hakuouki tags?

Hakuoki Zuisouroku vita Okita CG Character Perspective

Translation by KumoriYami

(Face) To stare so blankly at my face, are you awake [says dazed/half conscious]? (Chest) My chest? What’s wrong? Do you like it? (Door) Ah~ I clearly told you to wake up, [but] you’re surprisingly looking over there?

(Face) You’re saying that my smile is scary? That’s too much [I’d assume something among the lines of: How uncalled for/annoying given how often Souji says commented on his smiling. well i’m not checking the audio so i can’t be sure]. Without a doubt, my smile normally looks like this.    (Hand) Is there something wrong with my hand?  (Door) Anyway, as soon as you see my smile, your eyes immediately look somewhere else.

(Face) Ahaha, I was so happy then. (Child’s Face) Hehe, this child was very happy too. (Sky) Ah...... I remember the sunset from that day being very beautiful. 

(Face) I was just playing with him, that’s all.  (Hand) These hands are meant for wielding blades, they need to be strong. Holding a child up like this for a while is nothing. (Child’s Face) The kid was crying a lot then. 

(Face) Again, you’re always getting into trouble.  (Katana) Since I heard you screaming, I have no reason to not protect you. (Chizuru’s Face) You were clearly told to stay in that room, [but] you [choosing] to run outside really startled me.

(Face) I feel like I’m an ally of justice. (Chizuru’s Face) If you were wearing this and pouring sake for me, I’d be very happy.  (Chizuru’s Clothes)Your being dressed as a geisha, is very beautiful. 

(Face) Aren't you courageous to seek out a gentleman who you know is wet?[??????????????????????????? “有种水灵灵的好男人的感觉吧.“ not sure about “ 水灵灵 “ which is the word for water followed by “spirit/soul”... so i guess wet?] (Clothes) Because I just took a bath, the outside air feels quite comfortable. (Sunlit Area) The sun was very warm that day.

(Face) Are you more interested in my face than cooking? (Chizuru’s Face) If you’re a good child, I will cook for you. (Pot) This doesn’t taste bad, but improve the taste for next time.

(Face) This watermelon is very sweet and delicious.  (Chizuru’s Face) At the time you were so surprised, It was very cute.  (Chizuru’s Kimono) As expected, wearing girls’ clothes suit you. 

(Face) Your shy/bashful expression is very cute.  (Hand) At the time, weren’t your hands also very warm and red? (Chizuru’s Face) You’re really too much. I’m obviously being very serious,  [yet] you turned your face away to the side. 

(Face) I really had no appetite that day. (Chizuru’s Face) The porridge you cooked for me was delicious. (Chizuru’s Hands) You’re always a little shy.

(Face) When I hold [held?] you, your body becomes stiff. (Chizuru’s face) At the time you looked so pale, I was really worried. (Woods) The originally comforting sunshine is very difficult to the bodies of rasetsu. 

(Face) Blame me for being so/too wilful....... sorry.  (Chizuru’s face) Although it might be embarrassing to say such a thing [to you], your sleeping face, is very cute. (Woods) Because I was together with you, the sunlight felt very gentle that day.

(Face) It strange. I obviously want to live with you, but I feel so uneasy. (Chizuru) At the time, your body’s stiffness felt so exaggerated.  (Woods) You’re actually looking over there?

(Face) Once this fire has been lit, it will be difficult to control how it is spread. (Chizuru) Thank you for listening to my grievances.  (Woods) At the time, I was being very serious. 

(Face) It’s incredible. The moment I touch you, all of my confusion and unease completely disappears.   (Chizuru) If your unease, could disappear like mine, I would be very happy. (Woods) Although I know that you’re shy, but if I see you trying to escape from reality, I will be sad. 

(Face) Thank you for accepting my marriage proposal.  (Hand) Stay forever at my side, because I will always stay at yours.  (Chizuru) This flower crown suits you. 

(Face) I will always love you. (Body) I will never leave you by yourself.  (Right hand) No matter what happens, I will always protect you. 

---------------

only 4 cg character perspectives (did heisuke’s last time but it didn’t show up under either the hakuoki/hakuouki tag) - all from kyoka-roku (picked that one up for 500 yen lol but i lost my data when i screwed up my vita T_T), now remain.... no eta but i’d like to get them done before the end of the year.....

also i FINALLY found a translation for the 2011 Otomate party Hakuoki Reimeiroku drama (been looking around for that one in particular since i enjoyed it - and that was with my extremely terrible JP audio recognition... and i already hurt my hand copying out all the text from it cuz it was off a vid), along with a translation for the 2018 otomate party Collar x Malice drama... no idea when i’ll get to those tho... but i don’t even know if i’ll bother with the latter since the tl i found is +46000 words.... which is ridiculously long... and probably the longest drama i’ve ever ended up with translations for...even counting some of the 30 min ones though im not sure bout the ones pushing an hour....

seriously tho, something that long makes me wanna just toss the entire thing into google translate..... and even then, i’d need more than 9 tabs since google only takes 5k words at once.

oh well? lol.

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[smalltowndetective]

TWC Playlists

Thank you so much for the tag @vienocalledmebuddy! I have more coupley- playlists for my detectives and their LIs, and not really any for my detectives themselves, but I do have a couple. So, I’ll put those here, and also those that I have! (Sorry this took me so long!)

Detective Thea Holland

Cinnamon Girl- by Lana Del Rey-  There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live/ Like if you hold me without hurting me/ You'll be the first who ever did/ There's things I wanna talk about, but better not to give/  But if you hold me without hurting me/  You'll be the first who ever did

Soft to be Strong- by MARINA-  I believe the world is beautiful/ Only the weak ones are cruel/ I choose to love you without fear/ I choose to love you without fear/ And I guess I've known it all along/ The truth is you have to be soft to be strong/ Finally, I feel the fear is gone/ I found out love has to be soft to be strong/ Soft to be strong/ Somebody hurt me long ago/ And though to heal a heart is slow/  It's just a consequence of pain/  There is no use in laying blame

Felix and Thea

Never be the Same- by Camila Cabello-  It's you, babe/ And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe/  And I could try to run, but it would be useless/  You're to blame/  Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same/  Suddenly, I'm a fiend and you're all I need/  All I need, yeah, you're all I need

Lights Down Low- by MAX-  Heaven only knows where you've been/ But I don't really need to know/ I know where you're gonna go/  On my heart, where you're resting your head/  And you just look so beautiful/  It's like you were an angel/  Can I stop the flow of time?/ Can I swim in your divine? /   Cause I don't think I'd ever leave this place

Porcelain Heart- by Beth Crowley-  I couldn't help myself/ watching your moonlight silhouette as we all sat fire side/  I was hanging on to every word you said/ in that moment all I wanted was a chance to love you/  So I handed you my porcelain heart, breakable but not yet broken,/ harboring my words unspoken/ I handed you my porcelain heart, disregarding consequences,/  letting down all my defenses, to my porcelain heart/  You came and stood by me/ your crooked smile brighter than the stars/  And you pulled me to my feet/  whispering the summer time is ours/  and I felt it as we melted into something wonderful

Somebody to You- by The Vamps-  All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah/  Is somebody to you/ All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah/  Is somebody to you/ Everybody's trying to be a billionaire/  But every time I look at you I just don't care/  'Cause all I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah/  Is somebody to you

Absolutely Smitten- by Dodie-  Handsome stranger, you have made her happy/  The first in a long time/  Did you just whisper in her ear?/  Words she only dreamed to hear?/  Pretty lady, look at how he's smiling/  I think he likes you!

I Wouldn’t Mind- By He is We-  Forever is a long, long time/  But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side/  Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile/  I wouldn't mind it at all/  I wouldn't mind it at all

Dandelions- By Ruth B-  And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime/ And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine/ 'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions/  Wishing on every one that you'd be mine, mine/  And I see forever in your eyes/ I feel okay when I see you smile, smile

Electric Love- By BØRNS-  Candy, she's sweet like candy in my veins/ Baby, I'm dying for another taste/  And every night my mind is running around her/  Thunder's getting louder and louder/  Baby, you're like lightning in a bottle/  I can't let you go now that I got it/  And all I need is to be struck/ By your electric love/  Baby, your electric love/  Electric love

Detective Pearl Reid

To Be Human- By MARINA-  All the people living in, living in the world today/  We're united by our love, we're united by our pain/  All the things that I've done and I've seen/  Still, I don't know, don't know what it means/ To be human/

Neptune- by Sleeping At Last-  I’m only honest when it rains/  If I time it right, the thunder breaks/  When I open my mouth/  I want to tell you, but I don’t know how/  I’m only honest when it rains/  An open book with a torn out page/  And my ink’s run out / I want to love you, but I don’t know how 

Nate and Pearl

Something Just Like This- By The Chainsmokers and Coldplay-  But she said, where d'you wanna go? /  How much you wanna risk? /  I'm not looking for somebody /  With some superhuman gifts /  Some superhero/  Some fairytale bliss/  Just something I can turn to/ Somebody I can kiss/ Oh, I want something just like this

Bailamos- by Enrique Iglesias-  Tonight, I'm yours/ We can make it happen, I'm so sure/ I won't let it go/ There is something I think you should know/ I won't be leaving your side/ We're gonna dance through the night/  I want to reach for the stars

The Man Who Lives Forever- By Lord Huron -They said we're all gonna die, but I'll never believe it/  I love this world and I don't wanna leave it/ Said that death is a deal that you cannot refuse/ But I love you, girl, and I don't wanna lose you/  Don't want a long ride/ I don't wanna die at all/ I wanna be the man who lives forever/ I ain't never gonna die and I want you to come

Sweet Boi- By Chevy-  Tall and gentle/ Too hot to handle/ You're all that I want/ You're all that I want/  Oh baby.../ Sweet as nectar/  Honey suckle/  You make everything so fun/  Oh boy.../  My sweet boy

Brown Eyes- By Destiney’s Child-  I know that he loves me cause he told me so/ I know that he loves me cause his feelings show/  When he stares at me you see he cares for me/  You see how he is so deep in love/  I know that he loves me cause its obvious/  I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts /  And he's missing me if he's not kissing me /  And when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul 

Like Me Better- By Lauv-  I don't know what it is but I got that feeling/ Waking up in this bed next to you swear the room, yeah, it got no ceiling/  If we lay, let the day just pass us by/  I might get to too much talking, I might have to tell you something/ Damn/  I like me better when I'm with you / I like me better when I'm with you/  I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time, 'cause/  like me better when, I like me better when I'm with you 

You are in Love- By Taylor Swift, Travis Atreo Cover-  And so it goes/  You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round/  And he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown/  And you understand now/  Why they lost their minds and fought the wars/  And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words

Habibi- By Tamino-  Something hides in every night /  Brings desire from the deep /  And with it comes a burning light /  To keep us from our sleep /  And as the full star tries his best to make the white pearl shine/  Glances of a new day have arrived/ And though he’s not alone, he fears to never love another /  And leave his heart forever with her smile 

Detective Natasha Trexler    

Dear Fellow Traveler- By Sea Wolf-  Dear fellow traveler under the moon/  I saw you standing in the shadows and your eyes were blue /  You put your hand out, opened the door /  You said "come with me, boy, I want to show you something more" /  You spoke my language and touched my limbs /   It wasn't difficult to pull me from myself again /  And in our travels, we found our roads /  You held it like a mirror, showing me the life I chose 

the broken hearts club- By gnash-  And at first i wasn't sure/ If there's even a cure /  For what i'm feeling cuz what i'm feeling’s /  Been feeling more and more absurd/ The repeating in my head/ Of every last word that you said /  Feels like ever since you left/ You still won't leave me  (Bobby breakup) 

Adam and Natasha

Green Eyes- By Joseph-  We're taking the room for breathing/  You can walk away, I'm not leaving /  There's pride in your mouth, you got used to the taste /  Can you swallow it now when you hear me say/  Those green eyes are my green light /  I'm giving up on control /  You see red lights /  I see me blowing straight through to you /  If we're headed for the cliffside /  I'm ready for the fall, if you know me at all /  You know I don't need lights to decide/  I'm not changing my mind

Indestructible- By Welshly Arm-  Eyes lock with yours, my head distorts/  You pull me in then turn to a ghost/  And now you got me like, frozen in the headlights/  Soft, golden skin/  Kiss like heaven/  You're an open door but you won't let me in / And now you got me like /  And now you got me like, oh, oh, oh /  Why you gotta' be so/  Indestructible/  Fire in your bones/  Nothing can touch you/  Why you gotta', why you gotta'/  Why you gotta' be so indestructible?/  With a heart that's made of stone/  And nothing can break you/  Why you gotta' be so indestructible?

What kind of Man- By Florence and the Machine-  I was on a heavy tip/  Trying to cross a canyon with a broken limb/  You were on the other side, like always/  You could never make your mind/  And with one kiss/  You inspired a fire of devotion that lasts for twenty years/  What kind of man loves like this?/  What kind of man?

Break My Heart- By Due Lipa-  You say my name like I have never heard before/  I'm indecisive, but, this time, I know for sure/  I hope I'm not the only one that feels it all/  Are you falling?/  It's you in my reflection/  I'm afraid of all the things it could do to me/ If I would've known it, baby /  I would've stayed at home/ 'Cause I was doing better alone/  But when you said, "Hello" /  I knew that was the end of it all/  I should've stayed at home/  'Cause now there ain't no letting you go/  Am I falling in love with the one that could break my heart?

Hurts Like Hell- By Fleurie-  I don't want them to know the secrets/  I don't want them to know the way I loved you/  I don't think they'd understand it, no/  I don't think they would accept me, no/  I loved and I loved and I lost you/ I loved and I loved and I lost you/  I loved and I loved and I lost you /  And it hurts like hell/  Yeah, it hurts like hell 

Even if it hurts- By Sam Tinnesz-  It's darkest before the dawn/  But you don't need to do this alone/  No you don't /  'Cause when you get this close, you can feel the heat /  Now you're so afraid of what's underneath /  Oh, don't/  Even if it hurts/  Even if it makes me bleed/  I'm gonna carry you/  Pushing through/  With the dirt on my sleeves

Rescue my Heart- By Liz Longley-  Lie and tell myself I can make it on my own/  Making it alone is lonely/ Twisting and I'm turning, oh, I'm crashing and I'm burning/  So reach out your hand to me/  And come down/ Rescue my heart/ I'll drown/  Without you/  Come down/  And rescue my heart

Where’s my Love- SYML-  Cold bones, yeah, that's my love/ She hides away, like a ghost/ Ooh, does she know that we bleed the same?/  Ooh, don't wanna cry but I break that way/  Did you run away? Did you run away? I don't need to know/  But if you ran away, if you ran away, come back home/  Just come home

Detective Mariana “Mari” Gonzales

Older- By Sasha Sloan-  The older I get, the more that I see/  My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me/  You just try your best not to get hurt/  I used to be mad, but now I know/  Sometimes it's better to let someone go/  It just hadn't hit me yet/  The older I get (Not a perfect match, but Mar’s relationship with her mother (and kind of her father as well))

Mason and Mari (Haven’t found 10 I liked for these two yet, since their playlist is still a work in progress, but here a few)

Play with Fire- By Sam Tinnesz, Yacht Money-  Insane, inside/  The danger gets me high/ Can't help myself/  Got secrets I can't tell/ I love the smell of gasoline/  I light the match to taste the heat/  I've always liked to play with fire/  Play with fire/ I've always liked to play with fire

Make me Yours- By Beth Crowley-I've said too much but I have got to get this out/  Don't blame the timing/ 'Cause the only time is now/  And if we're done we'll go our separate ways/ And say goodbye/ But I think we'll both have our regrets if we do not give this a try (This is very much deep relationship for these two, nowhere near now haha!)  

R U Mine?- By Artic Monkeys-  Years too late, she's a silver lining/  Lone ranger riding through an open space/  In my mind when she's not right there beside me/ And satisfaction feels like a distant memory/ And I can't help myself, all I/  Wanna hear her say is "Are you mine?" /  Well, are you mine?/  Are you mine?/  Are you mine? Woah, ah

Like Lovers Do- Hey Violet-  Ooh, love is just another four letter word/  But that never stopped nobody/ Ooh, either way we lose/  Just like lovers, just like lovers do/ I see you watching me/  Eyes on your target/  Mix drinks and smoke rings, it's already started/  Let's roll the dice and we'll both make our moves/  Playing like lovers do

Nicotine- By Panic! At the Disco-  I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you/  So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do/  Yeah, you're worse than nicotine, nicotine/  Yeah, you're worse than nicotine, nicotine/ Yeah

One Woman Man- By John Legend-  Damn, I used to be so cold/  Would never ever get too close/ Didn't ever wanna lose control /  But from the moment that I tasted/  I knew that I would have to chase it/  You said hold up, I want you to be/ A one woman man/  Want you all to myself/ Don't want nobody else/  All your loving  

I might add Rosalva’s later, when I actually figure out her playlist haha!

I’ll tag @lividlyinlove,@sosolenoo, and @gloynporslen and whoever else wants to do this! (Doesn’t have to be 10! Not all of mine reached it haha!)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #305

“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”

Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here. What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn. If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't. At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to. Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80. Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah. Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step. What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math. Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No. Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really. Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white. Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school. Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up. What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it. Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig. Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state. Ever paid for sex? No. During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed. What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome. Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no. How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her. Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference. Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know. Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No. Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo? Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe. Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey? When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good. What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed. How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo... When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that. Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really. What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent. What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy). What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao. What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention. What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig. How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event? What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge. How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have. If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something. How about a slot machine? I've never played one. Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right. What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though... Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks. What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station. What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets... What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console. Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible. Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though. How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets. What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug* How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook. Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him. What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough. If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago. Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head. What's your father's middle name? John. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake. Have you ever vandalized? No. What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever. Do you like mice? I love mice! What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo. What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden. Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend. What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it... What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one. What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking. How do you like your steak? Medium well.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Young Love and an Episode of Friends (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

Summary: Bakugou’s always called you useless, especially because of your inconvenient quirk and love for ‘stupid TV shows’, but you’re determined to prove him wrong.

Hehe what kind of fangirl am I? Posting this just a day before Kacchan’s birthday...? Ah but I’m cruel lol... cuz there gonna be some ANGST in here guys... ENJOY~! And enjoy the American Horror Story Allusions!

BTW SORRY FOR ANY OOC-NESS!!

Featuring: Lord Explosion Murder!!

Your Quirk: Descensum

You can astral project and travel deep into spiritual planes and cross into the afterlife, but not returning to your physical body in 15 minutes will result in death. 

You sighed as you retreated back into the comfort of your neighborhood, shaking your head at another failed attempt to talk to him. Bakugou was so difficult sometimes, even though you loved him. You knew you did, most people said it was only a ‘crush’, but you knew that you loved that jerk with all your heart. No matter how many times he hurt your feelings.

But while your heart longed for him, your brain was also telling you (like many of your other friends) that you deserved better than how he was treating you.

“You know if you need anyone… a listening ear or anything at all Katsuki, I’m here. I’m always here…” You had said to him, but all he did was scowl at you, almost looking insulted that you had offered him such a thing.

“Tch, shut up… I don’t need your help, or anyone else’s. Besides, why the hell are you offering help? You can’t do shit… not with your useless quirk, or in general.” His words were scathing and cutting you slowly, but you endured them for the sake of your friendship. Especially after everything that had happened to his class from the Summer Camp incident, the kidnapping, the Culture Festival and everything else that was currently going on.

Sure you were just a student from the General Studies due to your passive quirk, but it didn’t mean you didn’t want to help. Your friend Shinsou was able to rise above the ranks after all and his quirk was passive like yours. You wanted to help out in any way too, even if you were still in the General Studies.

“I might not have the most practical quirk, but that’s not important… I mean it, I’m not just saying stuff, look I know it hasn’t been an easy time for you and your class and I want to try and-“ He quickly cut you off before you could keep talking.

“You want to try and what? To feel important?” Bakugou scoffed at you as you almost timidly looked away from the ferocity in his eyes. “No that’s not…”

“Don’t bullshit me. It’s always been that… all you’ve done is follow me and that damn nerd your entire life because of how weak you are.” He said, not seeming to care that you were visibly hurting from every word he was saying.

“Your quirk is useless in battle. And you can’t even use it without a time limit holding you back… when’s the last time you’ve heard of a hero who saved people with astral projection? You’re better off quirkless.”

It surprised you to hear him say that, since you swore he almost sounded concerned as his hardened features softened ever so slightly, at least until he just glared at you again. “So don’t go offering something you can’t give.” Bakugou said one last time before he turned his back to you and left you alone outside the Heights Alliance.

Which is what led you to where you were at now, on your way back home where you would wallow in your room for the rest of the day. Maybe you would get lucky another time.

…

On the weekends you made sure to try and hang out with Izuku and Bakugou as much as possible, even though they were often busy with their schoolwork since they had much different work than you did. However, you still made sure to at least say ‘hi’ or even offer to hang out with them.

Today you got lucky thanks to the sweet Kirishima and Mina inviting you on their trip to the mall that they had to drag Bakugou to. Which amused you as you snickered at how Sero and Kaminari literally pulled him along.

You did try to talk to him again though, just to try and ease his bad mood. “Hee~… since you’re finally having a break from all your work, do you wanna come over to my house and watch  an episode of Friends?” You offered with a smile, but Bakugou wasn’t even giving you a smirk.

“No.” His reply was quick. “That show is overrated. I don’t get it.” He added, which kind of disappointed you since he knew you liked that show, but you knew he just wasn’t big on it. Though, you remembered when he would watch it with you during your middle school years.

You really missed those days. Bakugou wasn’t exactly sweet back then either, but lately he’s just been all stick and no sugar. At least some days he would humor and reluctantly watch a ‘stupid show’ with you just so you would stop bothering him.

But you didn’t want to fight so you shrugged your shoulders, “Well it ain’t for everyone.” You said passively, wanting to just avoid any kind of confrontation, “Do you maybe want to go stop someplace for ice cream maybe?”

“No.” Another quick reply, and you could tell he was getting annoyed with your offers. Instead of getting upset though, you just pouted.

Bakugou didn’t miss your disappointment though, he was aware that his answers were putting you down. It’s not that he didn’t care about your feelings, but he couldn’t waste his time just fooling around when he had his training to focus on. Admittedly, he did kind of miss just hanging out with you a little bit, but you would never know that because he wasn’t going to drop his priorities for you. He didn’t like to acknowledge his weaknesses, even though he was coming to terms that he still had a lot of work to do.

And after much denial, he eventually told himself that you were one of those weaknesses, and he hated it. He hated you for it too; he hated that he actually gave a shit about you and at times did worry about you. You would never know though, he would never let you know.

Which is why he was so annoyed with your constant offers to hang out, and how ignorant you were to how he felt. Why were you so attached to him?

He growled lightly when he saw you trying to come up with something else. You were so oblivious it was pissing him off.

“Ooh, well hey how about maybe next week we go and see the new Avengers? We can even cut in front of everyone and be the first ones in.” You suggested with a big grin, because you had been going on and on to your friends about how excited you were for that movie. Especially Izuku and Shinsou, your two closest friends besides Bakugou.

Now you were positive that Bakugou would accept this offer, but all he did was give you that same glare. “Like I’ve been saying only a hundred fucking times, No! Instead of focusing on fake heroes in those damn TV shows and movies, maybe you should focus on your own work, stupid.”

Okay, that hurt.

“Okay… jeez… you know you don’t always have to be such an asshole.” You crossed your arms and pouted, but Bakugou didn’t yield. “Whatever.” He muttered, feeling like arguing with you would be a waste of time he walked ahead of you to leave you again.

You watched him walk away, your pout turning more into a frown as you sighed heavily and started walking into another direction.

“I just wanna go home in bed, eat cookie dough ice cream and watch Friends for the rest of my life…” You muttered to yourself as you peered inside a furniture store that had everything from mattresses, wide flat-screen TV’s and sofas. The perfect environment to wallow in misery.

Who the hell did Katsuki think he was? You wondered as you walked into the store and sat down on one of the mattresses. It was nice and soft, and you wondered in amusement if Shinsou’s mentor Mr. Aizawa would like this bed.

To get a better feel of the material, you lied down and rather enjoyed the billowy cushion. It helped that your quirk required to lie down so you could let your soul project from your body freely. Your quirk wasn’t useless, it was cool. In fact, you felt like Eleven from Stranger Things.

As you closed your eyes, you decided to experiment with your quirk that required you to chant the magic words.

“Spiritu duce, in me est. Deduce me in tenebris vita ad extremum, ut salutaret inferi… Descensum!”

You felt yourself almost sink rather quickly as your soul left your body and transported you to the other plane. As you opened your eyes, you saw your body lying on the bed, without a soul as you turned to see other people just walking about in the mall.

Giggling a bit, you momentarily walked around the small store and when someone walked right past you, they cringed and shuddered. Clearly, they could feel your presence but just couldn’t explain it as you tried not to laugh.

Feeling adventurous you opened your arms out and jumped up to float about among the spiritual plane, looking around the mall in awe as it looked much smaller in mid-air. And as you floated around, you saw Kaminari with Sero, and Mina with Jiro! And you tried not to snicker when you saw Bakugou yelling at a sheepish looking Kirishima.

You wondered what they were all talking about…

However, you couldn’t have too much fun because spiritual planes were all fun and games until you got yourself stuck in another part of the netherworlds and couldn’t find your way back without some otherworldly forces interfering and keeping you from going back to your body.

So you flew back to the store, but before you could return to your body you noticed that you weren’t alone when you noticed a pair of yellow eyes staring right at you.

It was a man, or at least it appeared to be a man. He was tall and strange-looking with a white face smeared in black and white skeletal make-up along with a black suit and tie and a rather nice top black hat. The man smiled at you, almost politely as you blinked slowly. It became clear to you that he must have had a similar quirk of sorts, but this was kind of making you uncomfortable, so you quickly made your way back into your body.

You took a deep breath as you opened your eyes. One thing about your quirk is that every time you came back, it felt like coming alive just shortly after dying since your body was empty without your soul to occupy it. Which was somewhat dangerous since anything and anybody could do things with your body as long as your soul wasn’t in it.

But the scariest part was that you would supposedly die if you didn’t return to your body in 15 minutes according to your mother, whose mother had the same quirk and had died from herself. You wondered if that’s why Bakugou was such an ass to you when it came to your quirk. Maybe he worried about you. Since your mother had explained to you that your quirk, called ‘Descensum’, was a hereditary one that supposedly came a bloodline of witches from Salem.

Thankfully you had gotten pretty good with coming back to your body at a record of 5 minutes each time you descended. But after seeing that person you just wanted to go back to the Bakusquad and then go home to watch Friends and eat ice cream like you had planned.

However, as soon as you exited the store the same man you saw startled you by appearing right beside you.

“Your quirk is quite fascinating young one.” The man said in the smoothest tone you had ever heard from anyone. For some reason he reminded you of that villain you heard of from Shigaraki’s gang of goons. Mr. Compress you think was the name.

But it kind of alarmed you that this person knew and witnessed your quirk at work (Hey that rhymed). And you couldn’t be so trusting since Izuku had an ordeal of his own with Shigaraki here at this mall. Who’s to say that this person wasn’t a villain in disguise?

“Thank you. Not many people seem to think so… honestly sometimes I don’t think so either.” You shyly mumbled, smiling just a little bit for the sake of being polite despite your discomfort, and this stranger seemed to know it.

“You are welcome. Do not let their words convince you that your quirk has no use.”

“I try… but… you’d be amazed at how some words can hurt…”

“Especially when those words are from the young spitfire Katsuki Bakugou. Correct?” You gasped and widened your eyes a bit. How did he know about Bakugou?

“H-How did you know…?”

“I know many a great deal about the people I set my eyes upon. It comes with my own little gift.” He smiled almost sweetly, keeping his luminous amber eyes on you the whole time and unsettling your very skin. Was he looking into your soul? Was that his quirk?

You didn’t want to be rude, but you couldn’t help but ask. “Um… who are you exactly?” You asked as politely as possible, and he gave a rather jaunty chuckle.

“I like to call myself ‘Shinigami’.” He answered, and that made you wonder if he had some kind of death-related quirk given his appearance and namesake. Although you didn’t want to be quick to judge since some of the other kids in Class 1-A were quite strange in appearance such as that raven boy Tokoyami, or the multi-armed boy Shoji, but you heard from Izuku that they were some of the nicest guys in the class.

And this man was treating you kindly enough, but the secrecy in his gentlemanly smile and demeanor didn’t make you feel at ease at all.

“There was fear you know? For all his bravado there was fear during the time when he was kidnapped. Thoughts going through his head… wondering… would he ever see his classmates again? His friends? His parents? Would he ever see you again?” Shinigami began saying these things that didn’t make sense, at least until you pieced them together and your eyes widened ever so slightly as your mouth dropped a little bit. Did he mean that Bakugou was actually afraid when he was kidnapped by the League of Villains. You always assumed that he was, but he never admitted it or really even talked about it with you. And it shocked you when this person said that Bakugou actually thought about you during that time in his life…

Did he really think about you in that traumatic moment?

However, instead of dwelling on that too much, you were becoming extremely creeped out by just how much this person knew about your friend, and possibly your other friends if what he said about his quirk implied anything. “I-I don’t think…”

“It was one of the most terrible times in his life. Behind that machismo lies a little boy who was frightened by the big scary men and women who were able to take him away and render him powerless just for a moment… and to have his childhood idol risk everything for him after?” Shinigami’s smile turned ominous, even if it wasn’t you he was talking about. It didn’t mean you weren’t freaked out, but you were glad Bakugou wasn’t here. You didn’t want to imagine how he would have reacted if he heard this stranger delving far too much into his personal life and picking at old wounds.

“Truly… it impacted him greatly… it is something the boy can never truly forget… but he will never let you know it… his care for you is genuine… but he is much more interested in pushing you away…” He finally stopped his creepy talk, but as soon as it became more about you, it made you gasp a bit.

But the worst part is it all made perfect sense. Bakugou never confided in you about anything, even though you tried to tell him that you were always there for him, but all he did was push you away.

Just thinking about it brought tears to your eyes, even though you wondered why did you let him treat you like that? Why did you stay even though he was mean to you? Why were you so attached to him?

“You love him.” Shinigami seemed to read your emotions and answered all the questions you were asking yourself. The man sounded like he was touched, but you couldn’t tell if it was genuine. You blushed heavily at the accusation, but you were finding it difficult to argue, “I-I don’t… I… no that’s not it…” You weren’t fooling anyone, not even yourself.

“You love him, but he does not love you the way you love him. He thinks you are weak. A distraction. Why do you think he does not confide in you? It would be a waste of his time…”

Shinigami’s words almost sounded slower as he talked, but it didn’t mean you didn’t hear what he was saying. They seemed to slow down just so you would be forced to hear and let the reality sink in.

Bakugou didn’t love you the way you loved him. He thought you were weak. A distraction for him. A waste of his time.

As the words rung in your head, singing the song that was crumbling your heart and bringing you a special kind of pain that felt hellish. You remembered your other friends. Like Izuku and Shinsou, two guys who you knew were in your corner. They had your back. Izuku was always there for you, and Shinsou grew a soft spot for you since you both bonded over your quirks during his time in the General Studies.

“Why waste your own time on a man who does not love you?” Shinigami then asked you, and once you slowly got over the pain of reality, you looked at him, and you shook your head.

“I do love him. I don’t think giving him the time of day is a waste of time though. Katsuki’s an asshole but he’s my friend. But I think I’ll have to kick his ass to make him never forget that… or at least tell him to stop being so mean to me all the damn time…” You came to that conclusion. As much as you loved Katsuki, you didn’t want to put up with his bullshit anymore, but you didn’t want to break off the friendship either.

And you were positive that you could try and get him to ease up just a little bit and see that you weren’t any of the things he called you. You weren’t weak or a distraction. You would be a hero just like him and just as strong as him.

You could do it.

Shinigami almost looked disappointed with what you said, however he said nothing for a while. “Young love.” He finally said, sounding like he understood but it’s clear he wasn’t happy with what he was hearing from you.

You weren’t aware of it though, but you did see his smile grow when he saw somebody over your shoulder. Turning, you saw a somewhat confused Bakugou a couple of feet away, and you blushed heavily when you thought that he might have heard everything…

Shinigami flashed the boy a smile, tipping his hat off to him but Bakugou didn’t take his politeness well as he growled at the man and quickly made his way over to you. “Who the hell are you?” He roughly asked the strange man and stood in front of you, and if you didn’t know any better, you would say that Bakugou was trying to protect you from this person.

“Just a friend. (Y/N) has a very interesting quirk you know? I find it quite fascinating.” Shinigami replied and looked him right in the eye, and you gasped a little bit as soon as he said your name, and Bakugou heard how surprised you sounded.

“Yeah right, get lost you fucking creep before I make you…” Bakugou didn’t hesitate to threaten him as his palm crackled a little bit just to give this weirdo the message. He would have yelled but he couldn’t be so sure if this person was a villain or just some freak and causing a scene would just send the entire mall into a panic. If it were a couple of months ago, he probably would have done that, but he’d been learning to at least try and assess a situation before acting. And on top of that you were right there, he wouldn’t risk you getting hurt with a potential villain so close with an unknown quirk that would probably harm you.

Thankfully Shinigami didn’t seem very put off by his behavior as he only smiled, “Very well then. Farewell children. I think we will see each other again quite soon…”

Even as the man walked away, only then did you feel genuinely scared, “Katsuki… I never told him my name…” You admitted, and even though Shinigami did imply that his quirk let him know many things without a person telling him, it still freaked you out.

“Well maybe don’t talk to strangers next time dumbass!” He somewhat harshly scolded you, grabbing your hand and taking you as far away as possible from this place. Like hell he was going to leave you alone after this.

You tried not to smile, but you couldn’t really help it. You knew he cared!

…

After a while, you thought about telling the police about that strange man who had talked to you and made you uncomfortable. But you ultimately decided not to as Bakugou walked you home, and once again turned down your offer to watch at least one episode of Friends with you.

Sighing you sat on your sofa, all by yourself since your parents were still at work. They were usually at work which somewhat bothered you, but they loved you so it wasn’t too bad. You just wish someone was here with you.

You couldn’t rely on Bakugou though, and you didn’t want to interrupt any of his friends since they were likely with him. And as much as you didn’t want to bother your other friends, the loneliness was getting a little bit too much so…

You pulled out your phone and started texting your two other best friends. Izuku and Shinsou.

‘Hey Izuku. Srry 4 sudden text. But if u’re not busy. Feel free 2 come over 2 my house. Gonna watch Friends.’

God you felt dumb and pathetic just for texting your friend, and immediately you expected him to say no. And so you decided to text Shinsou too.

‘Hi Toshi. Gonna watch Friends. Wanna watch with a friend? AKA Me?’

You kind of snickered at your terrible pun as you instantly got a text back from him.

‘That is your worst pun yet.’

‘But Sure.’

You nearly jumped up from your sofa, grinning widely when your friend ACTUALLY took up your offer and was going to come to your place. And your joy didn’t cease when Izuku texted back shortly afterward.

‘Hi (Y/N)! Sure thing. I’m not busy so sure I would love to watch Friends with you.’

Izuku really was a sweetheart. You were sure he probably could have said no if he wanted to but he seemed to actually like spending time with you so that just made you happy.

‘AWESOME! THANK U SM!! Invite the rest of the Dekusquad if u want, I’m lonely.’

You somewhat bluntly texted and added a smiley and sadface emoji. For a moment you regretted texting that last bit, but deep down you knew Izuku understood.

And so when they did show up, you were beyond overjoyed as you grinned and giggled, “Izuku~!” You quickly flustered your friend by hugging him rather tightly, “A-Ah! H-H-Hey (Y/N)… i-it’s g-good to see you too…” He stuttered as he blushed quite madly from how you hugged him in front of his friends. Even though he was used to your hugs and he liked them, the fact that you and him weren’t children anymore, and the fact that physically you were all grown-up, made him feel rather… awkward and shy when it came to such close, physical contact.

You almost missed how Uraraka, Iida and Tsuyu were blushing as you just smiled widely to see your company. Much like with the Bakusquad, you were pretty chummy with the Dekusquad as they seemed to enjoy you and you sure enjoyed them. “Hey ya’ll~. Welcome to House (L/N).” You somewhat dramatically invited them all in.

“Hi (Y/N)! Thanks for inviting us!” Uraraka sweetly thanked you, and you smiled and bowed to the girl. She was such a sweetheart to you and Izuku and you adored her.

“Yeah, that was nice of you.” And there was Tsuyu, who just seemed to rub you the right way because you loved the girl. She was nice.

“I will never say ‘no’ to a Friends marathon~. Thank you kindly for thinking of me (Y/N)~.” Aoyama seemed to be flirting with you, at least that’s what you were getting as you smiled awkwardly but happily.

“Please forgive our intrusion (L/N)!” Before Iida could go on and on about thanking you for your hospitality you quickly waved him off, “No, no Iida there ain’t nothin’ to forgive, I’m so excited ya’ll are here. I’m ‘bout to watch a Friends Marathon~. And don’t worry, I got plenty of food for this exact thing.” You politely said to the much taller boy as you let your classmates make themselves at home and you turned on the TV.

However, you got nervous as soon as you saw Todoroki. He seemed confused, albeit partially interested in his surroundings. It was hard to pinpoint, but you considered him a friend and vice-versa because he was nice to Izuku and he found you interesting and tolerable enough to be around.

“I wasn’t sure what Midoriya meant when you said a ‘Friends’ marathon.” The heterochromatic boy admitted, and you gasped somewhat loudly. It didn’t necessarily startle Todoroki, but he was confused by your reaction. “Friends is only one of the greatest shows of all time dude! It’s about a group of friends of course, but that’s just it… you see them struggle together and get through the hard times together and it just… it’s funny, it makes you feel good, and on top of that you get the musical delights from Phoebe Buffet.” You explained it to Todoroki, and he still didn’t seem to understand, but the look in his eyes implied that he did want to know a little bit more.

“I see.” He replied neutrally, but you just smiled and led him to your couch, “Put your butt here, and just watch, you’ll see what I mean.” You advised and Todoroki did comply even though he was still confused.

But you immediately got up as soon as you heard your doorbell, and cheerfully ran over because you knew who that was.

“Hitoshi~!” You ended up hugging him as soon as you opened the door, and unlike Izuku, Shinsou appeared somewhat more annoyed. But he didn’t push you away, and instead took the time to notice Izuku and the rest of his friends.

“Shinsou! Hi there.” Izuku was clearly happy to see him, but Shinsou didn’t exactly return the feelings.

“What are they doing here?” He asked somewhat curtly. Despite being on better terms with them than he was during the Sports festival, he still didn’t entirely like them that much.

“It’s a Friends Marathon ‘Tosh, that means I gotta watch it with Friends.” You clarified with your own bizarre logic, but Shinsou just sighed in annoyance. “That doesn’t make any sense…” He muttered and shook his head.

But he made the mistake of looking at your not-so-subtle puppy dog eyes, “C’mon~… they’re not that bad~. They’re here to watch Friends too after all… anyone who watches that show has to be good right? I’ll let ya sit next to me~.” You tried to convince him to stay even if he wasn’t that into Izuku’s friend group, but he couldn’t say no to you. Well, he could, but he didn’t want to…

He liked you too much to just crush you like that.

“Fine. I have nothing better to do.” Shinsou shrugged his shoulders, his words sounded cold but they lacked the coldness to them as he did sit next to you on the couch as you happily cheered. “YAY~!!”

I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU~

You were thankful for Izuku, Shinsou and the rest of the Dekusquad for last weekend. You were sure you would have died of loneliness and boredom if they didn’t show up to watch Friends with you. It was times like this that made you feel so lucky to have such awesome friends like them, especially Izuku and Shinsou. Although, you did wish that Bakugou could have been there…

Even if he probably would have complained and insulted you the whole time. And Izuku for that matter…

However, deep down you knew that he cared. He certainly proved it plenty of times…

And you wanted to see if maybe he was in the mood for talking today. Secretly you doubted it, but it didn’t hurt to try right? At least you would get to see Izuku and Shinsou. But before you could even try to go and see Class 1-A during lunch break, the alarm suddenly made you stop in your tracks.

You could already hear some of the students becoming frazzled and shouting, many wondering if it was a repeat of the USJ incident. But instead of freaking out like they had done, Iida stood up to let everyone evacuate in an orderly fashion. Unlike last time, it wasn’t the media that had trespassed onto the campus, as Nezu’s voice alarmed the students when he made the announcement that a mysterious figure had been spotted on the campus.

With that, everyone had promptly been told to exit the school safe and sound with the pro-heroes accompanying them closely as they each went home. Whereas All-Might and Mr. Aizawa led Class 1-A back to Heights Alliance.

But instead of going home with the rest of the General Studies, you had snuck out and followed Class 1-A. You had your own plans…

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here…? You should have gone home with the others.” Shinsou was the first to notice that you had somehow gotten in here, even though he shouldn’t have been surprised. You had a knack for being sneaky.

“Easy. I snuck in. And apparently so did some weirdo… but… I have a plan.” You said, smirking almost confidently.

Shinsou looked at you like you had to have been crazy, or stupid. “The pro-heroes advised our class to stay inside the building and for the other students to go home. We can’t do anything especially since we don’t even know what this person’s quirk could be.”

You nodded, obviously you weren’t stupid, but you had a good feeling about this, “I know that.” You said and started walking to the hall where you were sure the others were at, “But! This is where my quirk will come in handy. I’m not Hagakure but if I’m out and about in the spiritual plane I can try and find this person and tell Mr. Aizawa where they’re at.” It sounded like a good plan when you said it outloud, and although Shinsou couldn’t find a lot of flaws in that plan, he wasn’t so sure how the others would take that.

He thought about it for a moment, knowing your quirk almost better than you did as he sighed, “You can’t spend too much time in the spiritual plane.” Shinsou’s tone was as stoic and low as ever, but you could hear the subtle hint of worry in there. You smiled at your friend.

“I know. But I always come back.” You said with a wink as you started waving as soon as you saw Izuku, Bakugou and Todoroki with Uraraka, Tsuyu, Aoyama, Kirishima and Iida. “You guys~!” You sounded way too cheerful despite the situation and many of them were surprised to see you here. Especially Izuku and Bakugou.

“(Y-Y/N)!”

“What the hell are you doing here idiot?!”

Of course you expected to hear that from Izuku and Bakugou respectively. “Um I don’t know, saving the day, coming to help?”

“(L/N)! You should not be here! You should have gone home with the others in your class! Though… I suppose you can’t leave now. It wouldn’t be wise to leave now with a suspect on the loose…” Iida didn’t even listen to you, he just scolded you for going against what the pro-heroes told you to do.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know I should have gone home, but I was just tellin’ Toshi here that I think I can find this villain for the teachers. After all… my quirk means that I can basically just wander about freely in the other planes.” You stated with a smile, and you managed to convince Uraraka and Kirishima.

“Oh! I get it! Because they can’t see you when you leave your body! Like a ghost! A villain can’t see a ghost.” Kirishima understood your plan, and so far was the only one who had even a bit of hope in you. “That’s right! Souls are like spirits… they shouldn’t be able to see you! And you can check every area in the school.” Uraraka also got the gist of your plan. So far that was two people that thought you could really help.

Now it was time for the skeptics. “(L/N)’s quirk could be useful. But we don’t know what this potential villain’s quirk is. If their quirk somehow counters yours, you could be in danger.” Todoroki saw the flaw in your plan, but he wasn’t saying to be rude, just realistic, and you understood that.

“H-He’s right. I think you should just stay here with us. You’ll be safe (Y/N).” Izuku agreed with Todoroki, but he was more worried than anything. It wasn’t that he wasn’t confident in you, he just didn’t want you to take such a big risk.

“And you can’t just take action! That’s the teacher’s job! It’s wise to just let them do their jobs and not get involved. They specifically told the students to stay out of the situation.” Iida was thinking mainly about your safety, but you didn’t really listen to him.

“It’s not taking action, it’s offering help. If we sit here and do nothing, how can we call ourselves heroes? How can I call myself a hero? I might not be in the Hero Course, but I came to this school to try and become a hero. I have to try…” You explained to your friends, and as much as they were worried about you, that little speech of yours had them speechless for a moment.

Bakugou wouldn’t admit it, but for once he agreed with Deku and Iida. Albeit, mostly with telling you to just stay put, he wanted to go after that damn villain himself, but at this point he knew better than to just rush in blindly. And ironically, he was about to scold you for attempting to do just that, “It’s not like your quirk will actually help. It’s useless… even if you just find the bastard, then what?” But he just had to shoot you down. But it was only because he wouldn’t ever let you know that your descending scared him though and so he never sugar-coated anything to you, nor did he act all nice to you and shit, because he wouldn’t let anyone see that he was soft on you. Not even you.

“Well that’s the point now isn’t it? I can’t be the most useless one in UA all the time.” You shrugged your shoulders, pretending to pop the joints in your fingers, but your joke didn’t amuse Bakugou in the slightest.

“Tch. Don’t even try it stupid. It’s a fucking suicide mission. You can’t even fight back to save yourself.” He muttered, not seeming entirely worried since he knew you always came back. But he really hated your quirk, even if you always returned from those spirit worlds or whatever. It was kind of unsettling.

You rolled your eyes and nodded, “I won’t HAVE to fight back and I SO could fight back if I had to… and when I come back you’ll see that I’m not as useless or pathetic as I seem Katsuki.” Not wanting to lose what little pride you had, you pointed at him with a determined tone before you lied down on the floor and he just stared down at you as you did so. As he always did…

“And when I come back under 5 minutes, yooooou… have to take me to see Endgame~. I already got you a ticket~.” You sang-songed and showed off the tickets you brought in advance, waving them up in his face, much to Bakugou’s immense annoyance. “Forget it Shitty Girl!”

“Too late, bet’s made~.” You sang again with a giggle as Bakugou glared and growled at you angrily, but you thought it was hilarious.

“Wait! (Y/N)… are you sure about this?” Izuku no longer attempted to argue with you, but he had to ask, because he was much more openly afraid whenever you left the physical plane. He knew the consequences of your quirk, and he was worried about the villain possibly seeing you. Even though he knew that you might as well have been a ghost when you crossed into the spiritual plane and no one could see you. He was still worried…

The rest of his class had experience with villains, and you didn’t.

“I’m positive Izuku. I’m coming back. I always do. I can’t always be yours and Katsuki’s standing-on-the-sidelines friend. My quirk is just as useful as you guys’ and I’m going to prove it. I’ll find the person and tell Mr. Aizawa where they’re at. They won’t find me either, I’m feeling pretty confident about that!” You claimed with a rather enthusiastic tone, but you only convinced Uraraka, Tsuyu, Iida, Kirishima and Aoyama.

“W-Well…” Izuku wanted to try and argue, but Bakugou quickly shut him up, “Don’t coddle her all the damn time Deku. It’s probably why she’s so weak.” He said snidely to his childhood friends, much to Izuku’s displeasure and you could only roll your eyes.

“Dude come on… why you gotta be so mean?” Kirishima actually kind of scolded his friend, which just earned him Bakugou’s trademark glare. But Kirishima liked you, he thought you were cool and as much as he liked the guy, he certainly did not like the way he treated you often.

“I am NOT weak! I’m coming back and I’m finding that son of a bitch. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when I come back. So suck my dick~.” You smirked a bit just to see that annoyed scowl on his face one last time before you set the timer on your phone for 15 minutes.

“Please be careful (Y/N)…” Izuku said to you as he nervously glanced at you on the floor.

You smiled sweetly up at him, happy that at least one of your childhood friends was showing concern. “I will Izuku. I’ll be back by the time you know it. In the meantime… take care of my body.” You said rather confidently as your friends (sans Bakugou) smiled at you and wished you luck as you closed your eyes.

To recite the spell, you placed your arms outward and began to chant the incantation from your mother.

“Spiritu duce, in me est. Deduce me in tenebris vita ad extremum, ut salutaret inferi… Descensum!”

With a zooming rush, you felt yourself descending into an abyss of dreadful familiarity that felt a little darker and hollower than before. And as soon as you opened your eyes, you found yourself in the spiritual plane. Everything looked the same, you could see Katsuki, Izuku, Uraraka, Tsuyu, Todoroki, Kirishima, Aoyama and Iida each looking down at your now soulless body in concern and anticipation.

But this was good, now that you were in the spiritual plane you could just float about and focus on the suspect that had been spotted around the campus. You got up to leave Heights Alliance but made sure to search around the building in case the suspect was around the area, but you found nothing.

So you flew through the air, looking in every direction as you scanned the Ground Beta, the Gymnasium and the entire campus closely. In mid-air you saw nothing, nobody except maybe the teachers who were also searching for the culprit. They couldn’t see anyone either, nor did they have any luck in finding anyone suspicious.

It was quite strange. Because you weren’t seeing anyone hiding, unless they had a quirk like Hagakure’s, but you didn’t count on that given that Principal Nezu said that this suspect had been spotted.

For a moment you wondered if it was just a prank from some other rival school trying to scare the students. You didn’t want to give up just yet, but you couldn’t be in this plane too long.

Now all that was left was to get back to your body. You flew as fast as you could back to the familiar building, smiling as soon as you approached the door and got on your feet to run back to where your body and friends were at.

However, as soon as you reached the hallway you didn’t see your body, or your friends anywhere. Did they leave and take you to another room? You wondered…

The atmosphere looked darker, and an uncomfortable shiver ran down your spine as you looked around and got a feeling of the air around you. It made you feel almost sick when darkness started creeping around the corners. A gasp escaped you as your eyes widened in horror. This wasn’t Heights Alliance, it was some upside-down, dark version of it. As soon as you took the first step inside, everything felt wrong. You could feel it in the stale air as you slowly walked. Something in your mind told you to just escape because this was a trap, but you weren’t sure if you would even be able to do that…

And you paused as soon as your shoe hit what felt like a puddle…

Looking down you saw your reflection in a crimson pool, your eyebrows shooting up in horror as you gasped quietly and felt your heartbeat speeding up as you reluctantly looked forward. There were bodies all over the floor.

Jirou. Mina. Yaoyorozu. Sero. Kaminari. Tokoyami. Shoji. Hagakure. All of them…

“O-Oh my God… Oh my God…!! Mina! Momo! Denki?! H-Hanta?! Guys?! Please… oh please tell me you guys are still alive…” You got down to try and move the body that belonged to ‘Yaoyorozu’, trying in vain to wake her up but the body was limp and cold to the touch. “Momo wake up! Momo wake up…” Your voice broke as you tried to shake her awake, but you saw blood on the corner of her mouth and a deep gash staining her stomach…

Your eyes widened in horror as you looked closer and reluctantly at the rest of your friends. They all had similar wounds to the stomach, the back of their heads, and there were some broken bones…

What happened to them while you were gone? Was it the villain? Where were they now...?

“I told you you couldn’t help… Shitty Girl…” You gasped loudly and turned sharply to see Bakugou, battered and beaten with streams of blood gushing from his mouth, nose and the top of his head, tresses of his blonde hair caked in scarlet.

“Katsuki…” It wasn't just him, you also saw them.

Izuku, Shinsou, Uraraka, Tsuyu, Todoroki, Kirishima, Iida and Aoyama...

All of them, fallen and beaten bloody as they lied in puddles of their blood. Some barely moving and only half-alive as Shinsou slowly peered up at you, wanting to speak but no sound came from his lips.

"(Y-Y/N)... you have to go..." You heard Izuku croak where he lied, and you shook your head in horror. "I-I'm not leaving ya'll..." You refused to leave, but you were beyond confused and scared as hell. This felt so real and yet so artificial that it was shaking your very core and terrifying you as you held your arms, hyperventilating as you failed to calm yourself down as the image of your bloodied friends was becoming too much for you to handle.

Unbeknownst to you, 10 minutes had passed and Bakugou audibly growled as he began pacing back and forth irritably while the rest of his classmates just kept watching you with worry in their eyes. They've seen your quirk work before, and you almost always came back in 5 minutes or less, sometimes you took 7 minutes, but this was so far the longest you have taken and it was starting to concern them. Izuku, Uraraka and Iida looked the most worried as Izuku ran his shaking fingers through his hair while Aoyama and Uraraka tried to comfort him by placing her hand on his shoulder.

“Calm down Midoriya… I am confident in (L/N)’s abilities. She’s a clever girl.” Iida tried to reassure his friend, even though it was clear that he was becoming increasingly concerned too.

“I’ve always seen her come back.” Shinsou, while not as close to Izuku as the others, tried to calm him down since he’s always seen you come back and was always there every time you did return to the physical plane. Even during close calls Shinsou was there every time to see you come back with at least 5 minutes on the clock. But once it was down to 4 minutes…

Now he was starting to worry.

Even the less than emotive Todoroki and Tsuyu were beginning to look worried when your phone went down to 4 minutes.

“She has 4 minutes left…” Todoroki muttered quietly, his eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly. Would you really die if you didn’t come back by then?

While Izuku’s friends barely contained their anxiety, Kirishima concealed his growing concern by trying to calm down Bakugou even though he was on the verge of freaking out himself. “Relax now man…”

“How the hell can I fucking relax?! What the hell’s taking her so long?! She always comes back by 5 minutes! 5 MINUTES!”

“She probably found the suspect." Tsuyu deducted, keeping her cool even though she was getting more worried with each passing second, "If she's taking this long it means that she definitely found something and is probably trying to figure something out wherever she's at." She tried to think of why you might have been taking so long, but neglected to say the very real possibility that either you found something, or something found you. Because she's learned from her consequences of speaking her mind too much, and stating that possibility would just make everyone, including herself, freak out if it were said out loud.

But even if Tsuyu didn't say it, Bakugou wasn't comforted or reassured because Tsuyu had to have been right. You definitely found something because you never took this long. Never...

“Oh my God… no stop it… whoever’s doin’ this just stop it…” You didn’t believe that this was your Katsuki. He might have looked and sounded just like him, but you refused to believe that this was your Katsuki. And part of you wanted to hope that these people weren't you classmates either, they were just illusions...

But why did they look so real?

"You did this yourself you fucking idiot... I told you to just stay put... it's your own fucking fault..." 'Katsuki' said to you coldly, with a hateful glare in his drooping eyes as he suddenly choked when a sharp, squelching slash pierced right through his stomach and you gasped with wide eyes full of terror as you felt the red drops splatter on your cheeks. Your eyes quivered as you watched the dagger rip your beloved upwards and made the rest of his blood spill to the ground as he coughed and slowly collapsed to the ground as you suddenly gasped and let out a horrified wail.

“NOOOOOOOOO!!”

It was taking too long.

You were taking too long and the clock was ticking, which did nothing to ease the nerves of your classmates as Izuku started to pant from anxiety. You always came back by this time…

“(Y-Y/N)’s taking a long time… she never takes this long…” He shakily said to his friends, who were no longer hiding their worry but still trying to remain calm.

“She’ll come back! She always does! Just shut up Deku!” Bakugou instantly shouted at his childhood friend, not wanting to hear that you WERE taking a long time because all that did was make the tightening anxiety in his chest crush him from the inside.

“NOOOOOOOOO!!”

You continued to scream as the rest of your friends were slowly butchered right before your eyes by a dark figure you couldn't make out. All you could focus on was your friends being sliced up and slowly murdered right before your eyes and you couldn't do a thing to help. Even though every semblance of your being was screaming at you to move, something kept you rooted to the spot. Something that wasn't a part of you, it was some kind of force that you couldn't make out, and it forced you to stay where you were at as your friends kept screaming for you.

Again and again, you heard Izuku scream for you, and Katsuki shout when the blade stabbed him again.

"(Y/N)!"

"I told you you couldn't help..."

"O-Oh God..."

SLASH

“NOOOOOOOOO!!”

"Y-You have to go..."

"O-Oh God no... no please stop..."

"You did this yourself you fucking idiot..."

SLASH

"NOOOOOOOOO!!"

"It's your own fucking fault..."

"No stop it, whoever's doin' this just stop it please..."

SLASH

"NOOOOOOOOO!!"

Every single time you saw them die and every time you heard Katsuki's words, you would wail and scream even louder as tears freely flowed down your face. Choking on a sob you sunk to your knees, nearly vomiting as soon as you looked at your dear friends’ bodies yet again.

Your precious Katsuki, Izuku and Shinsou…

And again.

And again.

And again…

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!”

It never ended. Even the least of the worst filled you with a despair that just made you want to just cease from existence if it meant being free of this suffering. As you feel down to your knees oncemore, you slowly peered up to see him…

Shinigami.

He stood there, watching you with his piercing, taunting gold eyes. His grin peering into your damned soul as he cackled wickedly at your torment as he forced you to stand back up as you blinked for a little bit.

The epiphany hit you as soon as you let out another scream when warm, scarlet droplets that belonged to no one other that your Katsuki, splattered on your face yet again as your tears continued to fall and mix with the redness.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!”

And This was your hell. And it was your prison that you realized you were going to relive on a constant loop.

Over and over again.

“HEY! Come back already you fucking idiot! I know you can hear me! Stop wasting your damn time you little shit!” Bakugou had come down to his knees and started to aggressively shake your shoulders in an attempt to wake you up. Hating how limp and flaccid your body felt as he glowered at you. You looked so lifeless, as if you were dead and although he didn’t and wouldn’t say it, it was so terrifying to him. You might as well have been dead everytime you used you descended into another plane.

It’s been way too long. He stared anxiously at your phone, and there was only 2 minutes left for you to come back to your body. “She’s stuck. She’s fucking stuck…” He came to that conclusion and he didn’t have to look at his classmates to see them all panicking.

“We have to help her.” Izuku quickly suggested, but he knew that there was very little time left and he honestly didn’t know how they could help you. He was so scared that he could hear his heart beat in his chest, and he was sure his classmates all felt the same fear as they looked at you with alarmed, worried glances.

“We should get Mr. Aizawa! His quirk should cancel hers out and force her to go back to her body… right…?” Kirishima thought outloud, it was wishful thinking at best, but he didn’t want to imagine worst-case scenario. And if the others were being honest, they were hoping for that…

Shinsou didn’t want to show his fear, and he wouldn’t despite his trembling hands, “Mr. Aizawa’s quirk won’t work… she has to come back on her own…” He said, albeit reluctantly as he stared at your body, secretly begging any deity that existed to help you come back…

You had to come back…

But there was only one minute left, and your body showed no signs of life or movement whatsoever.

“Follow my voice… dammit follow my voice you idiot…” Bakugou carefully picked your body up into his arms and held you close to his chest as he whispered to you, “I know you can hear me… hurry the fuck up and just follow my voice… you’re scaring the shit out of everybody…” There was no anger in his tone, only worry as he put his arms around you. He remembered the way you used to hug him every time you saw him when you were both kids.

But as the two of you got older, you stopped hugging him because you knew that he would always push you away and he scared you with his harsh attitude until you stopped. And right now, Bakugou started asking himself why? Why did he push you away?

He loved the way you hugged him. How warm you felt against his body, and now he didn’t feel anything from your body at all.

“We’re all waiting for you…” Izuku’s voice broke as tears streamed down his face that he quickly wiped away. He would not cry, he couldn’t; he knew you would come back, you had to. You just had to…

“(Y/N)…” Shinsou knew it was pointless to say your name because you couldn’t hear anyone, but he couldn’t stop the terror settling in his skin as he shook when he saw only 20 seconds left. The rest of his classmates widening their eyes and beginning to sweat as they focused on Bakugou clinging to your limp body as he shut his eyes and quietly hyperventilated.

“Come back already… Come back…! (Y/N) Come back!!” He shouted desperately as he held onto your body, cradling and rocking you. His hold tightening into a hug you couldn’t feel as warm droplets hit your cold skin.

“TIME’S UP! TIME’S UP! TIME’S UP!”

As your cheerfully voiced timer ran out, Bakugou’s hold on you suddenly loosened as he gasped sharply when he suddenly felt nothing but a shroud of dust suddenly powder his arms and fingers as he watched your body disintegrate into nothing…

He didn’t hear his classmates all shout when your body just… disintegrated. Leaving nothing but a pile of ash that dissipated quickly as they all looked wide-eyed with horror. The room was dead silent for a while, but that silence was immediately replaced with gasps that quickly turned into cries…

“(Y/N)!!!” 

Izuku fell to his knees as he wailed your name. He stared at the dust, a mix of horror, disbelief and confusion crossing his features as he let the realization sink in that his dear friend was gone and began to sob loudly and shamelessly. It was all too much for the rest of his friends as Uraraka followed shortly as she let her own tears fall, “Oh (Y/N)… (Y/N)!” Uraraka held onto Izuku to try and comfort him even though she was crying for you too.

Aoyama was horrified, and almost in disbelief. That didn’t really happen did it? He didn’t want to believe it, but the more he heard Midoriya and Uraraka cry, the more it became apparent that you did die. For once he had nothing to say as he held back a sob and hugged Izuku along with Uraraka as his tears fell and quietly cried with them.

“M-Midoriya… Uraraka… A-Aoyama, d-don’t… d-don’t cry…” Iida tried to remain firm and look strong for his distraught classmates, but the more he looked at the ashes that used to be you, the more tears fell from his glossy eyes as he choked on a sob, able to do nothing other than lower to the ground to hug his three friends after the loss of their friend.

Todoroki couldn’t believe what he saw. Did you really just die?

He saw Midoriya, Uraraka, Aoyama and Iida crying and holding each other, and then he saw Kirishima staring in horror and despair as he looked at the remains of your body.

“(Y/N)!!” He didn’t want to cry, but the feeling was way too much for him to hold in as he openly sobbed, and Tsuyu attempted to console him even though she couldn’t stop her own tears from falling. In his grief, the two shared a hug as they both cried for you.

Seeing everyone cry, only reminded Todoroki of his own past pains. He has had his loved ones taken from him before, but they never truly left him. And only then did the weight of your apparent death hit him as he stared at the dust with a gentle, but saddened look as a silent tear fell to the ground.

You were his friend…

“She was... my friend…” Shinsou thought to himself as he distanced himself from the group, covering his mouth with his hand as he held back the burning tears in his eyes but they betrayed him and ebbed down his face as he let out a strained sob.

Bakugou was silent and in a near catatonic state as he stared at the dust, his vision nearly blurring when he looked in horror when he saw some of the powder on his hands. The powder that used to be you…

And his breathing turned shallow, rapid and quiet when he remembered everything he had told you before this.

He called you weak…

A distraction.

Useless.

And then he saw the tickets that were left behind among the ashes. You said you would come back, and yet you broke that promise by not coming back at all and left him with nothing. Nothing but tickets to a movie you said he would have to take you to the next week, but he wasn't going to anymore. He wouldn't take you anywhere anymore.

When the reality settled in, he felt his whole being tremble as his breath stuttered when he tried breathing, letting out a choked sob as his tears cascaded down his face as he crumbled where he sat. There was nothing that could steal this unbearable pain in his chest as all Bakugou could do was sob and let the tears rain and trickle to the ashes that were once you. Every breath felt like he was suffocating as he couldn't fight the guilt that was at war with his fragile pride in his mind as he cried for you.

All he wanted was for you to hug him again, so he could tell you that he was sorry for all the shitty things he said to you and how he had treated you and take you to see that movie and any damn episode of Friends you wanted. But there was nothing there of you anymore, and he couldn't even hold you anymore.

PART 2: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/184430454599/young-love-and-an-episode-of-friends-bakugou

[startrekvigilant]

So what was the 21st century in Star Trek.

 We spent the early 2000s recovering from The Augments and their very near-totalitarian rule over humans. We develop technology, like the Millennium Gate in 2012 (Star Trek: Voyager), a superstructure that would serve as a prototype for space colonization.

 By the mid-to-late 2020s we had continued our development of ships that would eventually surpass the model we banished Khan and his like in. But it was becoming increasingly clear that another world war was happening.

 In fact, World War III broke out in 2026, apparently due to an “Eastern Coalition” making a direct attack on the United States of America (Star Trek: First Contact). The ensuing years the war went on with differing levels of intensity and size, and the world became steadily more violent, as many famous riots and upheavals spread through Europe (Unified Ireland, The Next Generation, The Bell Riots, Deep Space Nine). 

In the 2030s earth made a few select manned missions to mars. (Apparently around this time the United States added two new states to their union, and why the hell not they were probably on the moon and on mars. I doubt this made other countries happy, it probably escalated the fighting and enveloped other nations, adding to the tensions the world had been experiencing since 1996, the end of the Eugenics War). 

The United Nations reshapes itself due to the changes on earth since its initial creation, and the New United Nations feebly tries to sort out our problems. It did not do very well for itself, obviously. World War III was a fact now and earth was in trouble. Space-faring technology is pursued with renewed fervor, with ships of people attempting to explore further and further out of our solar system. Perhaps these many attempts to further star ship tech was due to a spreading fear that things might be coming to a violent end on earth? Most likely.

 In the 2040s we see more colonies popping up on the moon, safe from the horrifying destruction that was breaking out on the planets surface. But it only continued to escalate. Now, whatever happened to the people on these off world colonies is not specified, but if the fighting is as bad as we think it is, and if it was fought primarily with nuclear weapons, maybe we stopped caring about these off-world colonies. Maybe sending them food and supplies was getting too bothersome. These colonies were most likely abandoned, or they scraped by on meager rations, waiting for the fighting to end. 

The years 2039 to 2050 don’t really have any significant events in official trek canon, but I’m going to go on record and say it was eleven years of complete global warfare. By 2050 things calmed down, and many thought the worst was over, but then the nuclear strikes began in earnest, destroying thousands of cities and millions of lives.  

Then in 2053 it suddenly stops. 

The war ended because there was nothing left, and all who perpetuated the violence were dead. There are attempts to pick ourselves back up again, but any form of government that existed before the outbreak of war was gone. Civilization actually crumbled, it was the end of the world. Just like in the movies! The death toll is set somewhere around 600 million officially…but I think it’s low. This was the first real nuclear war right? All the stockpiles of warheads collected over the cold war and beyond…this was the war where those missiles destroyed cities, wiped nations right off the map. How many nations have warheads? How many warheads do they have? The imagined damage is catastrophic.

The years following are every dystopian fiction writers dream! Scattered bands of irradiated wary humans, scraping by in tents on the fringes of giant holes in the ground that were once major cities. A lot of information about who we were before all the mindless fighting was lost. So that’s a good cop out reason to explain was the canon is so spotty? But pretty much by 2060 human civilization had taken a major turn. People lived nomadically, independently, in a strange sort of dazed anarchy. Like I dunno, I think a lot of people might have died, a lot of important people, so we really were at an all time low. 

But there were still scientists and scholars, entertainers and trades people. Humanity was still alive, but there wasn’t much left. Amongst them was Zefram Cochrane, the eventual inventor of warp drive on earth. Canon is once again spotty, he most likely started his physical experiments in 2060, but who knows how long he had been working on his calculations for.

2063 is when everything changed for the human race.

Zefram caught the attention of the vulcans! What a one in a million shot! It was mind blowing! It was astounding! It freaking changed the rotation of the planet, it boiled the oceans, it drove us all to madness, man it was BIG. Aliens! On earth! In front of humans! Talking to us! With language! That we were able to understand! And they us! My! God! 

Like, it doesn’t take much thinking to realize how much this changes everything. But it’s also hard, yanno? These aliens seem so like us, but everything we do confuses them and everything they do bewilders us. They see our smouldering planet, nearly destroyed, still fraying along the edges and think “my god, emotions will destroy everything.” we’re just confused. No emotions? How. We talk to them and are upset by their unchanging face, they give us no visual cues, and they hardly move their eyebrows. This is difficult!  

And on top of this we feel like small children around them. But by comparison our species is! They’ve been out in space doing the space thing for eons. Eons! They’ve actually traveled through space for so long that a very large fraction of their population split off and settled themselves in a different star system and stayed there so long they evolved into an entirely new species. Romulans! Those cunning cousins to the Vulcan race that will one day become one of our most notorious enemies. 

But we don’t meet them until the 23rd century. And you wanna know why? It’s cuz the vulcans don’t trust us and the vulcans hide a lot of their information from us because it’s unsafe to let a species as primitive as us in on their technologies and knowledge. It’s kind of dark, isn’t it? 

Some might feel like the vulcans are disgusted by us, but feel obligated to us. They might find us clingy and I really don’t think they’ve interacted with other species like they find themselves doing with us. Seriously, we’re dating. Or they’ve become our parents? Or like, our mentors? I don’t know but one year after first contact humanity finally sees itself getting back on its feet. We go from living on the fringes of nuclear waste sites to building universities and sending ships of people to explore the stars.

Large groups of people leave earth entirely, going off to discover new lands, and new peoples in the name of earth. Sometimes these encounters don’t end so well for us. We’re new to the space game. 

We meet a race of wolf-like creatures, the Kzinti, and they bully us until we fight back. These battles amount to no more than schoolyard antics, really. In 2065 the SS Valiant is launched on an interstellar mission to the furthest reaches of the galaxy. Almost as an omen for the years to come, the Valiant is lost and never heard from again (or at least not until 2265). 

So we don’t know how exactly it came to be formed, but by 2067 United Earth was sending probes out into space in order to learn more of the life out there. Vulcans would not share their technology or their information of space life, so it was up to us to get the ball rolling. 

The Friendship 1 was a probe like the ancient Voyager I, meant to inform extra-terrestrials of life on Earth, our language and customs. Basically we were already getting bored with the vulcans and their rules, and wanted to meet more fun aliens, aliens who were down to party.

By 2069, far away from Earth the Kzinti pick on us for the last time. Humans finally defeat the Kzinti and they finally agree to stop attacking us. It’s an important moment for humans in space. We’ve been out here for such a short time but we were finally able to stand up for ourselves. We governed and were listened to. It changed us, I guess. 

So now we’ve stretched our legs, we’ve been picked on by aliens and fought back; we’re ready to colonize. Well, the vulcans don’t think so, they’re still weirded out by us, think us too dramatic. And our home planet is still a mess. There’s still a weird sense of dystopian cruelty hanging in the air, and I guess a lot of people are looking to move out. 

We want to meet more aliens, but we can’t take them back to our place, it’s too embarrassing. So expeditions to find a kind of replacement earth begin. Our starships were still in their infancy, only capable of warp factor one. But we wanted people to get excited about this technology, so we began high-profile searches for New Earths. 

The SS Conestoga is launched to bring 200 colonizers on a nine-year mission to Terra Nova, where they would immediately dismantle the ship and use it to build their new colony. So you see, technology is still very limited. It’s faster than our previous technology, but it still takes a good while to reach our destination. 

Humanity is becoming spread thin is what I’m saying. 

Some humans go out to explore far reaches of space and are lost. Others venture out to meet new civilizations and are greeted with years of warfare with an alien race. Others still board starships to find home on new planets only to end up stranded. It’s a tumultuous time.  But still, we explore. We don’t let the hardships stop us because they never have before. 

The SS Conestoga reaches its destination in 2078, and the Terra Nova colonies of humans begin. Now we can clearly see a divide forming between space-exploring humans, off-world colonists and Earth-bound humans. And the rift will only widen from here on out. 

The mindset is that now we’re able to explore strange new worlds then why waste time cleaning up earth? Because everyone is busy dealing with official space business, earth is once again left to rot.

By 2079 in some parts of the globe, things are pretty much back to being dystopic shambles, and all “United Earth nonsense” is brushed off the table. Humanity forgot about earth! It’s supposed to be a new, bright era for humanity, but our home is still on fire. And the distain for earth is palpable.

By 2083 the United Earth space agency planned to send 200 more colonists off of wasteland earth to the new Terra Nova colony, but the original colonists had grown so fiercely independent they were now actively aggressive towards Earth. 

I bet vulcans watching from the sidelines were just amazed at the boundlessness of humans distrust of one another. Honestly. We’re our own worst enemy. We’re still shell shocked, we’re still not over the last centuries of violence and war with each other. And now we’re forced to deal with aliens? It’s a bad scene man; we’re not dealing well. 

Things are pretty quiet during most of the 2080s, but by 2090 we’ve started to industrialize more planets and moons in our solar system. 

The last decade of the 21st century is mostly filled with confusion and exploration, much of earth is still ungoverned, we’ve lost contact with our largest off-world colony and we’re realizing we know next to nothing about space and the aliens that populate it.

[im-basically-logan]

Happy Density Day!

haha get it cuz the formula for density looks like a heart. I still dont know how to title things. Analogical V-Day fic anybody? (quick note- sorry if the pacing is sorta weird??? idk how story writing works. personally my favorite part is the last few paragraphs lmao)

Summary: Logan wants to give Virgil a poem for Valentine’s Day, but wants to make it as perfect as possible. Either way, Virgil loves it. Words: 2,796 Ship: Analogical, Royality (tho, it’s only briefly mentioned and analogical is the focus) TW: Kissing, sleeping at bad hours, uh... Patton tackles Roman playfully at one point Please send me an ask/message if I need to add a trigger. Genre: Fluff!!

@riverbendover @nokatai-realm @crowsketches @living-on-the-virge

It was about 3 days before Valentine’s Day and as much as Logan would usually show nonchalance or distaste towards the holiday, he’s been Virgil’s boyfriend for 8 months now. He wasn’t going to brush off their first Valentine’s Day. He was going to make the perfect card for his Virgil even if it meant he didn’t get any sleep that week. Well, that was an exaggeration and Virgil would probably ask as to why Logan’s sleep schedule had suddenly done a 180. But nonetheless, Logan was going to make a nice little card.

Logan started out with printer paper as a planning stage, wondering what to actually put in the card. He went through scribbled out drawings, minimalistic pictures, telling Virgil how beautiful he was, and finally settled on writing a poem. He was good at those. Usually.

His trash can in his room began filling with balled up clumps of paper which were drafts that he deemed not good enough.

“Clothes are dark as space,  but eyes as bright as the stars. I hope-- No.” Logan mumbled the poem out loud to himself, then crumpled up the paper, threw it to the side, and started anew. The side of his hand was turning gray from being left-handed and the graphite of the pencil he was using. “I cannot describe to you how much I love you. It was a revelation when I had discovered my feelings for you. Like when Newton discovered gravity. It was fundamental to understanding life as you are fundamental to me understanding emotions…” He tapped the pencil against his head quickly, trying to think. It sounded… Like something. It wasn’t too bad, but he decided to trash and rewrite it again. It was probably just fine, but Logan was a perfectionist.

He began writing a bit more before deciding to create the decorations on the light purple construction paper he found for the actual card. He had the equation 128√e980 written along over the spine while the card was flattened. The equation was supposed to be read while the card was closed and turned a certain way, and it would read “I love you” from being folded in half. He found the little trick while looking up ways to say I love you to a partner. In pen he neatly wrote inside the cover of the card the beginning to his poem to Virgil. The beginning was the only thing he was happy with at the moment, but he would add more later. He checked his watch and read 11:30 pm. He sighed, put his materials away and went to bed. Although made sure to put the card neatly into the drawer of his desk. It was only 2 days before Valentine’s Day and he barely had anything! He wanted to keep working on it, but also sleeping was important and he and the others were working on getting a full night’s rest. Besides, Virgil would badger him in the morning about it and he couldn’t have his boyfriend find his surprise.

Logan went through the next day rather smoothly: Nice comebacks to Roman, reminding Thomas of important events, and of course a few nice kisses with Virgil in the middle of it all. Patton always grinned if he caught them and Roman always teased them until Logan mentioned it was almost Valentine’s Day.

“We are allowed to have physical affection, especially around this time of year, correct?” Logan asked Roman, raising a brow with a pouting expression.

“Well I suppose so, but… You two are such nerds!” Roman responded weakly, unable to come up with a witty reply. Patton butted in, putting his arm around Roman’s shoulders.

“Now, don’t be mean, Roman. It’s your time of the year, isn’t it? Valentine’s Day! A day of Roman-ce.” Patton laughed and Virgil, who was leaning slightly against Logan, snickered. Logan sighed with a very small hint of a smile while Roman rolled his eyes with a laugh. He exited with Patton, most likely about to go on an adventure or brainstorm. Logan, although, had a pit in his stomach as he was constantly reminded Valentine’s Day was just around the corner.

Such terrible planning on my end… He thought, biting the inside of his mouth before kissing Virgil on the head as they went to do their own separate things for now. He sank out and went to his room, relieved to find it just as it was when he left it. He hadn’t taken out his trash yet, but he assumed Virgil wouldn’t go digging through it at least and see the drafts. Checking his watch, which read 8:30 pm, Logan pulled out the drawer and took out the card. He drew a little density equation on the back, coloring in the little heart that the symbols for mass over volume created. He then opened the card back up, rereading the beginning of the poem he kept from a draft.

“I don’t believe I’ll be able to explain my love towards you. Like how it is a mystery as to the true way the universe was created despite the many theories. How the chances of us existing together may have been smaller than a quark, But we managed to exist and come together.” Logan sat down at his desk and began writing a bit more, once again mumbling the words to himself as he wrote. “Your mind can be as far away as a galaxy,

but I’d travel the light years.

You’re a fundamental element in my life, Like gravity to planets and stars.” He bit the bottom of his lip, unable to think of anything else to add. “I can’t even write a simple poem…” He murmured to himself, dropping his pencil. He kept his head up with his left hand, trying to think. There wasn’t any specific pattern or rhyme to the poem. It was purely just him rambling about how great Virgil is in metaphors about space and science. Would Virgil even enjoy that? He created a small, curvy border with a blue pen on the inside of the card, but cringed as he looked back to the unfinished poem. Then he put another line. “I am and always will be unable to express how much I care for you.” It was true, but the poem felt too short and he barely had an idea on how to end it. He wrote on the other half of the inside of the card “Happy Valentine’s Day, Virgil. Love, Logan”, drew a simplistic galaxy on the front, and went back to his previous position of laying his head atop his hand. Instead of coming up with any ideas, Logan somehow fell asleep on his hand. He took his nap for about 4 hours, waking up at the superb hour of around 1 am and his head ended up on the desk with his hand still upright. Great. Only 1 day until Valentine’s Day and he was barely done with his card. He dug his hands into his hair in frustration. It should have been easy to write a poem. But no it was going to be difficult and now he was tired as hell. He decided to create the blue borders on the outside of the card while waiting for the others to get up. After finishing the border, which did look rather nice, he put it back in the desk drawer and went to sleep in his bed this time. Although he didn’t fall asleep immediately. Of course not. He was thinking about what Virgil would think if he barely had anything to give. The poem was pretty choppy… he should rewrite it again. What if Virgil didn’t even want a card? Would chocolates have been better?

Luckily, Logan didn’t stay up late enough to question anymore as he crashed into sleep while thinking about Virgil. Said side must have felt Logan still being awake because he made his way into Logan’s room having woke up early himself. It was dark so he couldn’t see the trash can of the Valentine’s drafts but he could feel his way over to Logan’s bed and curled into his chest almost like a human-sized cat. Before going back to sleep, he kissed Logan’s cheek and put his head half on some pillow and half on the mattress with his head lying against the top of Logan’s chest. He didn’t mind sleeping like this, in fact if he was resting next to Logan on just a mattress he’d be content like that as well.

In the morning, the actual morning of about 7:45 am, Logan found a Virgil sleeping next to him. He sighed dreamily, then remembered that he still hadn’t thrown out his god damn drafts yet. Logan tried to move as subtly and quietly as possible to not wake Virgil. He eventually got out of  bed and moved the plastic bin under his desk quickly as he heard Virgil shuffling on the bed. Then he went back over his bed, kissing Virgil’s forehead.

“Virge? C’mon, it’s almost 8 o’ clock,” Logan said, looking at his watch. Virgil was awake, but he kept his eyes closed as he replied,”I don’t wanna.”

“Patton’s making french toast.” “5 more minutes.”

“We both know that means 5 more hours, metaphorically and even literally at times.”

“Shush, nerd.” Virgil eventually opened his eyes and got up, his hair messy and partially standing. Logan smirked at the other’s appearance, holding out his hand for Virgil to take. So Virgil takes it gladly and they move on with the rest of their day.

Logan had barely any opportunities to work on his card but while there was a short lull he managed to write a few more lines. “You’re nothing short of breath taking. A star should be named after you. No, a galaxy.”

He stopped as he felt a presence in his room. It was Patton. Oh thank god. They both headed off to the commons to discuss with the other two about the big day tomorrow.

“What are you two doing?” Roman asked Virgil and Logan. They both shrugged, but Logan of course, had a small gift to finish.

“Why are you asking?” Virgil replied. “What are you doing, Princey?” Roman was about to respond when he was suddenly tackled by Patton on the couch, letting out a boisterous laugh.

“Well of course, romantic things! Anyways, I thought you’d both at least say something like spending time with each other.” He continued as Patton got off and sat next to him, a wide grin on his face.

“Well that’s a given, isn’t it?” That was Logan, who quirked a brow.

Virgil shrugged. “Sure. We can just chill out here since Romano and Patton are probably going to the fantasy realm or whatever.”

Logan nodded as Roman scoffed at the seemingly mundane idea. He said it was such a boring thing to do on Valentine’s Day, but Virgil didn’t mind.

They all went off to do their jobs and then night time came around again.

Logan was rushing through his notes after playing a game of 52 pickup with his slang vocab cards which he foolishly dropped while hurrying back to his room. He closed his binder with satisfaction after looking at the schedule, putting it away in a separate drawer from the card, which he took back out of its hiding place. He was clueless as to what to add. It had barely any stanzas. Logan tapped his pencil against the table, making a fast paced clicking noise.

“Ughhh!” The logical facet sighed, his mind totally blank. “I should have gotten more hours of sleep.” He looked at his watch: 10:40 pm. He could still finish it by tomorrow. Logan, although, was holding his head up with his forearms, consciousness blinking on and off. He decided, if anything, to add just one more line he could think of. Everything else was decorated and he could finish it after taking a quick nap. He wrote it down slowly due to fatigue, but still tried his best to make it look neat.

“I love--”

Then somehow passed out while writing with a pen. Though, Thomas used to do that at times so was it really that surprising? He was out cold for a while and even slept past 8 am.

“Logan?” Virgil called, noticing Logan’s absence in the morning from the commons. Then Virgil finally found his boyfriend’s head resting on his desk with a nicely decorated card next to his right arm. He noticed the still full trash can of paper and then picked up the card. He didn’t read the inside yet, wanting to see the other things first. He noticed the equation “I love you” message first and chuckled at such a nerdy detail. Then he found the density formula on the back and smirked. How had he been so blessed as to have had such a caring nerd in his life?

Virgil finally opened the card to see the partially unfinished poem on the left flap and a nicely written closing on the right. He saw his name, so this must’ve been for him.

“I guess he didn’t finish…” Virgil concluded out loud to himself, but he really wanted to read the poem. Logan had written him previous poems and he absolutely loved them. So he read it aloud, mumbling the words under his breath.

“I don’t believe I’ll be able to explain my love towards you. Like how it is a mystery as to the true way the universe was created despite the many theories. How the chances of us existing together may have been smaller than a quark, But we managed to exist and come together. Your mind can be as far away as a galaxy,

but I’d travel the light years. You’re a fundamental element in my life, Like gravity to planets and stars. I am and always will be unable to express how much I care for you. You’re nothing short of breathtaking. A star should be named after you. No a nebula. I love…”

Logan had woken up as Virgil was reading the second to last stanza, although wasn’t completely aware of his surroundings yet.

“Morning, dear,” Logan greeted with a yawn, adjusting his glasses and hair as much as he could. He was calm and tired until he saw what Virgil had in his hand and then he was fully awake in an instant.

“I… did you read that?” Virgil nodded slowly, hoping the logical facet wasn’t upset. They sat in silence for a few moments before Virgil, surprisingly, broke the silence.

“Um… I really liked it, actually. Really.” He gave a genuine smile, moving to plant a kiss on Logan’s messy hair.

“Really?” “Yes, I did.” “It’s not even finished or--” Logan almost tripped over his own feet trying to sit up from the chair. It was way too early for this. (It was almost 1 pm).

Virgil laughed as Logan struggled to stand up and move, eventually falling onto his bed face first before slowly turning himself around and sitting up. Virgil made his way over to the bed too with much less stumbling, sitting down next to Logan.

“I assume this-” Virgil pointed at the word “love” at the end of the poem. “-is supposed to say ‘I love you’, right?”

Logan looked at Virgil deliriously for a few seconds before practically diving forward and kissing him. Virgil almost let go of the card, but held on and melted into the kiss, smiling as he did so. Then they both fell backwards onto the bed in suppressed giggles.

“I’ve never seen you this giddy,” Virgil commented teasingly.

Logan pointed an index finger straight up as in an objection. “In my defense, I’m very tired.” They both broke into laughter again. After a few minutes of Logan waking up, he had Virgil give him the card to finish writing out “you” and then gave it back.

“I love it, Logan.” He looked at the now fully visible trash can of drafts. “Man… I wish I made something.”

“It’s okay Virgil, you yourself are enough,” Logan replied, pecking Virgil on the forehead who look assured enough for now.

They eventually made their way downstairs, Virgil still latching onto the card, and had their first Valentine’s Day. It consisted of Virgil constantly complimenting Logan’s card and poem, making him blush, and Logan constantly saying how amazing Virgil is, making him blush as well. They cuddled on the couch and watched a few documentaries about space and other oddities.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, dear.” Logan presses a kiss to Virgil’s lips for the millionth time today.

Virgil smiles into it and responds,”Happy Valentine’s Day, nerd.”

[natasha-cole]

Ready Steady 4: All I Want for Christmas Is You

A Ready Steady Holiday Oneshot

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader (I know, shocking!)

Summary: Reader and Rob have a big announcement to make to their friends and family.

Word Count: 2826

Warnings: fluff and a swear

Notes: This challenge worked nicely with my Ready Steady series, so I wrote it for Aira’s Winter Challenge over at @gone-to-fight-the-fairies blog; and for my holiday oneshot for my Ready Steady series.

It’s kind of messy, but I’ve been working on it for weeks. This is as good as it gets.

My prompts were: mistletoe and the song, “All I Want for Christmas Is You”, I ended up thinking of Lady Antebellum’s version.

The holidays were rough for you. They had been last year, when you were pregnant and miserable and suddenly in labor just days before Christmas. Your son had made his grand appearance just the day before Christmas Eve, and you were lucky to be able to have him home with you and Rob on Christmas day. It had been stressful and overwhelming, and you had looked forward to not having to deal with all of that this year. Now, you had an almost one year old and another baby on the way. It hadn’t been the plan, but you and Rob were happy nonetheless.

It was just a week before Christmas. You had been left in charge of planning for Jackson’s first birthday, which happened to be in just a few days. You shouldn’t have made It so stressful, after all, he had no idea what was going on, but you wanted to make it memorable mostly for yourself. Rob had been busy with work, and you sort of resented him for being away so close to Christmas. The last time he had done this, you thought he was going to miss the birth of your son. It had been a terrifying experience, and the fact that you were now nearly three months pregnant made you feel even worse about him being gone.

Today, you were rushing around town, doing last minute Christmas and birthday shopping; no easy feat considering you were definitely feeling the morning sickness and had Jackson tagging along.

You had decided to keep Jackson’s birthday fairly small, even if for you that meant still going all out with decorations and gifts. It would be done on Christmas Eve when Rob’s family and your friends could come over for dinner. You wouldn’t normally plan to host a big get together, but it was difficult to plan a birthday and holiday events separately.

“I like it. Two birds with one stone,” Rob had said when you threw the idea out there.

You were paying for gifts and texting Rob at the same time, trying to keep Jackson from crying too much as you had him strapped in his stroller. The kid really did hate to have to sit.

Y/N: What do you want for x-mas?

Rob: I don’t want anything. I have everything I need already.

Y/N: Quit being a butt and just tell me.

Rob: I seriously can’t think of anything.

Y/N: UR impossible!

Rob: Don’t get me anything. This is too much pressure.

Y/N: R U saying that cuz U didn’t get me anything?

Rob: Are you busy? You never type like this.

Y/N: I’m busy shopping and trying 2 get everything ready for the week. Do U no how hard it is 2 shop with a baby?

Rob: No, and I don’t want to find out.

Y/N: I’m getting U coal.

Rob: Sounds great babe. G2G!

You chuckled to yourself, sort of annoyed at him, and sort of in love with him still. He had the tendency to insist that he never wanted gifts, but you knew better. The only problem was that now you had to figure it out on your own.

After a few hours of shopping, two swollen and sore feet, and a few Jackson meltdowns later; you made it home for the evening. You stuck Jackson in his playpen as you made a few trips to bring everything inside. Not only did you have gifts and birthday party stuff to bring in, but you had also done your grocery shopping for the dinner that you had volunteered yourself for unknowingly. It was a stupid idea to invite over so many people for the party, and you hadn’t considered that you’d have to actually cook dinner for everyone.

Jackson whined at you from his playpen as you began to organize everything.

“Mama,” he said as he reached his hands up, motioning for you to pick him up. You had to admit, the tears were a nice touch.

“I’m sorry baby,” you cooed as you leaned down to kiss him, “mama doesn’t trust you enough to let you loose with all this stuff lying around.”

He pouted for a moment when he realized you weren’t going to let him out yet, and he quickly found a loud toy to occupy himself with instead.

Rob returned home the morning of Christmas Eve. He had originally been scheduled to be home the day before, but of course, the weather had delayed him and he was trudging in early in the morning.

You were already up, sitting on the couch while having a mug of cocoa when he walked through the door.

“Shh,” you hissed, “please do not wake your son up.”

“Well, it’s great to see you too,” he chuckled as he set his luggage down. He quickly moved to you, plopping down on the couch next to you and pulling you in for a long kiss. “Mmm, I missed you.”

“You’re cutting it awfully close, Benedict,” you said in response to the fact that he was home so late.

“It was beyond my control,” he laughed, “but I am here now.”

“I missed you too,” you smiled.

“Do I smell coffee?” He asked suddenly, sniffing the air. “Are you drinking coffee?”

“No, but I might have made some.”

“Aw, you didn’t even know what time I’d be home.”

“I didn’t make it for you. I just wanted to smell it, okay?”

He laughed at you as he got up to go to the kitchen. You knew he was going to help himself to the coffee, and you couldn’t help but feel a little jealous about it.

Your day was busy. You cleaned the house and began cooking, knowing that you had a lot to do before dinner tonight. Rob was no help, until it came time for Jackson to wake up. Jet lag was terrible, and the poor man was exhausted from traveling. You let him know it was okay and that you had things under control; but secretly, you were slightly stressed and not feeling well. You sort of wished that you had his help today, but you also knew how hard he had been working. So, you sucked it up and got to work on your own, fairly content with the fact that he would at least keep the baby entertained and out of trouble.

As guests began to arrive, you struggled in the kitchen as you finished up dinner, mostly because the smell of the food was getting to you. You only hoped that this pregnancy wouldn’t be a repeat of how miserable you were during your first one.

You greeted everyone as they came in, a bit more relaxed now since dinner was cooked. Rob’s family showed up first; followed by your friends and most of their families; all bringing way too many gifts for Jackson. It certainly was a big get together, and you began to think you might have overdone it.

After dinner and a lot of conversation, you all sang happy birthday to Jackson; who was mostly cranky at the fact that he was stuck in a high chair. That was until you gave him cake, and he quickly went to work on smashing it and subsequently shoving it in his mouth. Birthday presents had been opened and then everyone gathered in the living room to relax. It was the first time you felt able to relax all day. Once you were sat next to Rob on the couch, you really began to feel the soreness in your body. He must have read your mind, because he instantly moved to rub your back as everyone took their seat; laughing and talking.

“Play something for us,” Rich said suddenly. He brought you your guitar and you began to tune it. “Only if Rob sings with me.”

“Of course,” he smiled.

You began to play the familiar tune, letting him take the first verse of the song.

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There’s just one thing I need

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you, Baby

You, Baby

You grinned at him, feeling a lot less stressed now as you took the next verse.

I don’t need to hang my stocking

There upon the fireplace

Santa Claus won’t make me happy

With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you, Baby

You kept playing, laughing as your guests swayed along to the tune. You nudged Rob as he began to sing again, his eyes never leaving you.

All the lights are shining

So brightly everywhere

And the sound of children’s

Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singin’

I hear those sleigh bells ringin’

Santa won’t you bring me the one I really need

Oh bring my baby to me

You sang the last verse, now making eye contact with Rob as you finished the song.

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

This is all I’m askin’ for

I just wanna see my baby

Standing right outside my door

Oh I just want him for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you, Baby

You, Baby

You, Baby

You

You held out the last note, as you stopped strumming; still grinning at your husband. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you in for a kiss. You had to admit, it was nice to sing with him again and share this moment with him; even if you had everyone watching you.

“Gross,” you heard Rich say out loud.

“Dammit Rich,” Briana replied.

You laughed against Rob’s mouth, moving back to end the kiss.

“Should we tell them?” Rob asked quietly as the guests were busy laughing and talking.

“Yeah, we should.”

“Hey,” Rob said, turning to face everyone. Your friends and family put their focus back on the two of you as Rob cleared his throat. “So, Y/N really made this an amazing night. She planned everything, did all of the shopping and cooking by herself, with very little help from me.”

Everyone clapped for you, and it felt nice to be acknowledged for a moment.

“She’s a really amazing wife, mother, and friend,” Rob went on.

“Are you proposing to her?” Kim asked, “Because you’re already married and this sounds like a proposal.”

“Really? Will you let me finish?”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway, she’s just amazing in general. And I wanted to let you all know that she did all of this. She made our son’s first birthday an amazing one, and also managed to get us all together for Christmas Eve. I don’t tell her how grateful I am for her very often, but I really am so lucky.”

“Thank you,” you said softly.

“We also have some news to share.”

“Um, we have Christmas cards for everyone,” you said as you got up from the couch. You made your way to the tree, retrieving a stack of cards that you meant to hand out to everyone. You returned to your spot next to Rob and the two of you began to hand the cards out to everyone in the room.

“Don’t open them yet, we want you to all do it at the same time,” Rob explained.

Once everyone had their envelopes, you smiled and instructed them to open them all at once. You waited eagerly, holding onto Rob’s hand as you waited for your friends to look at the cards and react.

The two of you had decided to have family photos done specifically for the holidays, it happened to work out since you had found out you were pregnant, and you used the opportunity to announce it. The cards were simply a picture of you and your little family, sitting in front of a Christmas tree. Except Jackson was wearing a shirt that read: “Big Brother.” It was subtle enough that once your friends finally opened the envelopes, it took a really long time for any of them to catch on to the announcement.

There were a lot of “awws” over the picture, and Kim had scooped Jackson up to kiss him, pointing out how handsome he was. You and Rob waited quietly, grinning at each other when you realized that they hadn’t even noticed. After what felt like forever, it was Rich who finally spoke up.

“Wait a minute,” he said slowly, catching everyone’s attention. “This is a great picture and all, but I can’t help but notice something.”

“What’s that Rich?” Rob asked with a smirk.

“Bob-o, your wife is way too hot for you.”

Rob’s face dropped as everyone laughed. “Haha,” he muttered.

“No, actually,” Rich continued, “did anyone else notice something about Jackson?”

Everyone looked back at their cards, and finally, most of them caught on.

“Big brother?” Matt asked out loud.

“Does this mean what I think it means?” Mandy added excitedly.

“Yeah,” Rob nodded with a smile, “we’re having another baby.”

“Wait a minute,” Briana said suddenly, “how long have you known about this?”

“Since Halloween,” you said softly, knowing that she wasn’t going to be pleased that you had lied to her that night.

“Really? You said the test was negative.”

“Well, I couldn’t tell you the news before I told Rob.”

“Thank you for that,” Rob laughed.

There was a lot more chatter now that the news had been announced. You and the girls chatted more about the new baby, how you had been feeling, and when you were due. The guys congratulated Rob and headed to the kitchen for a celebratory drink.

At the end of the night, you and Rob saw your guests to the door. Jackson had fallen asleep pretty early and you were exhausted. You were also grateful when your friends decided to call it a night as early as they did.

“Congrats you two,” Kim smiled as she hugged you.

“Thank you, we’re very excited.”

“I just- I can’t believe that after everything you went through, you both ended up here. Married, parents to an amazing baby, with another on the way; and happy finally.” She gave your hand a squeeze and you knew that, considering everything that she had helped you get through in the past, she really was very happy for you.

“It’s been a rough road, but we really are so happy,” Rob said.

“We are all happy for you,” Rich added as he put on his coat.

Once the last of your friends had left, Rob immediately turned to you, taking your hand as he began to lead you to the bedroom.

“Let’s go to bed early,” he said.

“I have been thinking about our bed all day,” you sighed, wishing you had at least been able to take a nap at some point today.

He opened the door, leading you in and you immediately took notice of the greenery hanging from the ceiling that hadn’t been there this morning. You took a moment to let it register exactly what it was.

“Did you- did you seriously hang mistletoe everywhere?”

“I just wanted to have an excuse to kiss you anytime I want,” he smiled slyly.

“You know we’re married, right?” You joked in return. “When did you even do this?”

You had been so busy all day, you didn’t even notice that he had done this.

“I have my ways,” he chuckled.

“That’s a lot of mistletoe…” you trailed off, still impressed with his work. The stuff really was everywhere.

“Don’t be mad,” he replied, possibly thinking that you might be slightly annoyed at the fact that he had pinned the stuff all over the place. Maybe you had been annoyed, but then you looked over to him, those bright blue eyes sparkling as he smiled at you. You knew he had done this out of love, in his own weird way.

“I’m only mad that we’re literally standing under mistletoe the second we walk in here; yet, you haven’t kissed me yet,” you explained.

Rob gave you another grin as he moved toward you. He brushed a hand against your face, pulling you in for a deep kiss. Even still, you melted at the feel of his lips on yours.

“This is a good Christmas,” you muttered, “thank you for being so romantic.”

“I figured we’d better make the most of what little alone time we get right now,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, by next Christmas, we won’t be so lucky,” you said as you placed a hand over your belly. Rob mimicked your movement, rubbing his hand over yours.

“I don’t know,’ he mused, “I think we’re pretty damn lucky.”

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[landuselover]

You passed out at Will Smiths house? Patrick Part 4

After a few days or communication got back to normal I was hearing from him every single night and day. It made me feel so loves so appreciated and I felt back for what happened over labor day weekend. He said he just sat there felt alone over the holiday weekend. I looked at my southwest points and how much a flight to LA would be and I asked him if I could come over and see him. And turned out he was going to be in LA with a Monday off and booked the trip that day and tried to plan something with him over the next few weeks.

It was incredibly difficult to plan with him, he never wanted to make a set plan and finally I told him I had to book an Airbnb would I get to see him both nights even if he had to work and he agreed. He said he was staying at his brothers house in Silver Lake and that he had to work in Burbank in the morning.

I was looking at places I wanted to stay and I found an awesome mansion in the Hollywood Hills. So fancy so posh, it had a hot tub, four bedrooms and two balconies and an awesome root top patio with views of the Hollywood sign. I was going to get to stay with my beautiful new man in an awesome place.

He told me wouldn’t be able to see me the first night, so I traveled down to Laguna to stay with my friend Vanessa. All did was talk about Patrick and then it happened he Facetimed me to tell me how excited he was to see me! Holy cow I got off the phone and wanted to faint I was so excited. I was leaving Laguna beach early the next day I could arrive earlyish to the Airbnb, I needed to freshen up and get the place ready for Patrick’s Arrival.

I showed up and the place was awesome multiple different rooms and areas for so much fun. The thing that I couldn’t find was the TV clicker, I didn’t think we would be doing much watching of TV anyways.

I jumped in the shower and did my hair and makeup and put a sexy skimpy dress on with my silk robe over top. I heard a knock at the door and I received a text message, I had sent him the code for the door. And I heard the door open. I got chilled I was so excited to see this man I haven’t seen since June and we had talked everyday. I ran down the stairs and turned the corner.

There he was all 6’4 of him, Holy freaking cow, It was gorgeous there he was again. He gave me a huge hug and wrapped him large arms around me and gave me an amazing kiss. He had a backpack on him and nothing else.

Where did you park? Oh I found a place.

I gave him a tour out to the first balcony and he towered behind me and rubbed my body all over. He kissed my neck and I trembled at the knees. Staring out at the city with him behind me I thought to myself, I could really get used to this. He sat down on the couch and he tried to find the remote, I looked and I couldn’t find it either. Dang it. I guess we gotta just head up stairs. It was around 9:00 o’clock  and we still have three other rooms to check out and a giant patio.

We walk up stairs and turn the corner, I take my robe off and lay on the bed infront of him and then the magic happened for hours and hours and hours. I looked at the time and it was around 2:00am, I knew he had to get up in a few hours an leave around 8:00. I recommended we got to bed as we will have tomorrow night as well.

As we laid their holding each other for the first time, it felt so right. I asked him what the W on his arm stood for, Oh it is weaver my last night. Honestly, that is the first time I had heard his full name Patrick Weaver, seemed generic but why would I think any differently.

So do you snore or have sleep apnea? Why because I am a big guy? No I don’t. Oh thank goodness just a lot of my friends have it. Total lie all my ex boyfriends have it, cuz im into the big men.

He held me in his arms all night it was amazing. I felt so warm and secure. When he woke in the morning he wanted to get frisky again and used his magic Chicken leg  position. I swear it made me cum so cute each time, No man has ever done that to me. He had to shower before heading to work and he grabbed his phone and headed into the bathroom, I thought it was odd he grabbed his phone but I didn’t think much of it. I tried to make plans for the evening but he was working at Will Smiths house and Chelsea Handler was going to be on the episode so he wasn’t sure how late but he would come right over after to squeeze me and snuggle me again.

We walked downstairs and I gave him a big hug and a smooth jazz kiss. I grabbed his left hand and looked and joked no ring tan! That is great.

He let out a little laugh and gave me another kiss. I will see you tonight

I went immediantyl back to bed, I was exhausted from three plus hours of love making. I woke up around 12 with three messages from Patrick. How much fun he had, how adorable I am and how exicted he was for tonight. I was so excited too just getting to sleep next to him again was magic enough.

As the day drew on we kept texting and I updated him on all the weed I got at the dispensary and around 4:00pm he sent me a picture Here is Will Smiths back yard

I told him I was going to go keep working for a few hours, do you wanna get dinner tonight or should I eat alone?

A few hours past and I hang out on the rooftop balcony doing work and researching how soon after ovaulation the morning after pill works, Becuae I checked my schedule I was ovulating and I let Patrick cum inside. I was so worried but also so excited to see him again tonight.

I looked at the clock and it was 7pm and I haven’t heard back from him yet. So I texted, im gonna get some dinner hope you get off soon. I figured out the closest restraint it was about .6 of a mile away and it was the fanciest sushi restratrant with Gardens and all the fun atmosphere. I called and ordered 4 sushi rolls after an ordeal where I had to text the owner of the restaurant my owner but hey I was able to walk down and get sushi. When I arrive the manager ever offered me a free shot my choice of course, I asked for Tequila the best they had. It was regualy over $25 a shot. I kept looking at my phone and no messages from Patrick. As I walked back to the Airbnb. I decided to call.  No answer but it still was ringing. It was about 9:00 now and I understand that shoots can get off late so I just choked it up to that. I set him a picture of my sushi to see if he would text back. I was starting to get worried when I got inot the back at 10:30 and had heard anything. I even check Chelsea handler social media to see if she was still at the shoot. Nope she was posting stories from home.

I was so upset at this point, I called again. NO answer at all but it was still ringing. I sat in the bath and just cried. And cried and cried until I thought fuck it im gonna jump in the hot tub. I started the hot tub and the entire top floor of the houses power went out. I started crying fuck this. I texted Patrick. Are you okay hopeing if I had done something wrong he would atleast responded to that.

I texted the Airbnb owner to help with the power as I sat in the dark room all alone, I had planned an extra sexy time tonight with toys and all the bells and whistles, I cried some more until I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up the first thing I did was check to see if I had a message from him and nothing.

My heart shattered I was having trouble breathing how could I travel across the country for a man who would just ghost me half way through our planned trip.I was trash and a a sad lonely woman and I started to attack myself and see how it was my fault he left me. I texted him again to say I was worried and hoped he was okay.

My flight was in about 4 hours which in LA time meanted I needed to leave for the airport soon. I smoked an entire gram of 710 hash in the time my friend came to pick me up. She mentioned shit it smells ike weed. Well shit I got my heart broke.

Looking down at my phone to yet another blank screen with no messages, I arrived at the airport and texted one last time, Im sorry you felt like this is how you needed to treat me Patrick, I could use some clarity on my end of what happened between us. I hope you are okay.

I landed in Colorado no message, I cried and cried on the uber ride home. How, who what when and why did this just happen. My heart was crushed and broken and confused. I woke up the next morning and still nothing. All my friends were so worried about it. Finally threes after I got back. The text finally came through Im Sorry Shannon, I passed out at Will Smiths house and had to go to the hospital for three days I finally got my phone back you did nothing wrong im so sorry sorry.

Are you fucking kidding me he passed out at Will Smiths house and that is why he didn’t come back to the Airbnb this all seems fake.

But nope it was year he had the scars and everything to show for it. I felt so bad again. THE MAN  I love was in pain and all I could think about was myself.

I cared about him, I wished I could of have been with him at the hosipital. He reassured me his brother came and saw him and his family was there.

Thank goodness. But with heart issues, when would he even have time to come see me if he had to get a heart surgery done, and who would take care of him? Oh god I know I would if only he would let me.

[khymer-vulture]

Got stuck in work for longer than desired, cuz the next shift never showed, I’ll have to do the other stuff later.

will post a short story for now. Set after Captivate.

While resting for the night in an unorthodox location, the pair encounter a fascinating event.

They haven’t seen signs of any civilization for miles, both Isaac and Rachel were traveling for the longest time near a vast stretch of road, surrounding them, were endless stretches of wilderness. While many different cars passed by them without a second glance, the pair often had to hide into the bushes if they spotted any police vehicles pass by.

The sun was setting, and Zack felt it wasn’t safe to sleep along the road side, too many curious people would stop if they saw two people sleeping near the road. So, he offered to carry Rachel onto his back as he casually hacked and slashed away foliage that got on his nerves. They’ve slept in wooded areas before, though it was Ray who did the sleeping, while Zack chose to keep a look out – who knows what the fuck inhabited the woods. Isaac was venturing through the patch of wilderness until he felt they were deep enough to avoid the possibility of snooping travelers. Plus, the possibility of getting lost wasn’t as big, since he could just follow where he sliced and diced. However, it seemed the stretch of trees ended to a large horizon of open field, and it was obvious that it wasn’t claimed by people. There were no power lines, houses, or even signs of farmland.

Some areas had a large thicket of long grass, while beds of shorter grasslands and even wildflowers blanketed the area. Seemed a decent enough spot to camp for the night, Zack felt Ray slide off his shoulders to check the new area with an awed expression. Aside from the landscape, the night sky was unfiltered by man-made lights, revealing the arrival of stars in their entirety, and with the rising moon being the only source of light.

“It’s gorgeous here…” she murmured.

Isaac rarely ever paid attention to the beauties of nature, but if Ray liked it, then they had found a place to stay for the night.

“If it interests ya’, then I guess we can just camp out in this spot…”

Zack settled himself down as he laid his scythe onto the ground, and watched Rachel explore the area a little more, even picking at some of the wild flowers. He smirked to himself to see her so amused, plus, he had been getting better at learning what it was like to be with her. He pushed away nagging instincts much more easily now in terms of being affectionate towards her, though being more open about it was still the hard part. He continued to watch Ray gather flowers for a bit and even arrange them into strange shapes until he noticed strange glowing orbs appear around her, and quickly got back up to his feet.

"What the fuck?” he said aloud, “Ray, get back from those.”

Rachel was confused at first, until she saw the glow for herself, but she didn’t seem worried at all - rather, she was amazed.

“Oh! Fireflies,” she exclaimed.

Now, Zack seemed more eager to smash the bugs by their name alone.

“They’re harmless, Zack,” she assured him, “They’re called all sorts of names, but they get it from how they light up in the night like this.”

Zack raised a brow as he watched more of the luminous orbs appear around them.

“That’s fucking weird, why would bugs wanna light up like this?” Zack grumbled. “Seems to make them an easy target to get smashed, or bring whatever eats these fuckers…”

“They do it to attract a mate,” Rachel replied, “It looks pretty though, almost like living stars floating around us.”

Zack gazed the area around them, watching every different firefly flutter around them, lighting their surroundings with their strange green light. Maybe they weren’t so bad after all, this was new for him to see, fireflies were non-existent in the back alleys when he grew up. Rachel noticed Zack raising a hand up with his palm flat, and watched as one of the glowing bugs made a landing on Isaac’s hand. The man watched for a moment, eyeing every detail, and felt a little entranced to stare at the strange and natural light that dimly flickered from the insect’s body.

“First time ever seeing a firefly?” Ray asks.

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird and awesome to see them though,” Zack replied, “I didn’t think bugs could glow like that.”

“Want to sit down and watch them for a while?”

“…Sure,” Zack said, as he motioned himself down.

Rachel sat herself beside Isaac, placing the bundle of flowers at her lap, and watched the fluttering balls of light float around aimlessly. The couple watched the many different lights dance for a while, then Rachel motioned herself to lean against Isaac’s shoulder, feeling a strong sense of comfort. This made Zack turn to glance at her, he seemed to notice how the light from the moon and the fireflies made her pop out through the natural dark. She almost looked ethereal - not in the least bit doll-like. The man couldn’t help but stare at her, he didn’t care about the fireflies anymore, the only thing that caught his interest was Ray. The young woman had the feeling she was being watched and turned to see Zack’s heterochromatic stare aimed right at her, before she could question him, she felt his hands cradle her face.

“Zack?”

“Just shut up for a sec…” Zack softly grunted. “I wanna look at you.”

Rachel felt a faint warmth swarm her cheeks, Isaac continued to gaze right at her with both a curious and needy expression on his face. Not once has his instinct screamed at him to do something impulsive, instead, he was acting on his own decisions – he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

Soon, Ray watched as Zack leaned closer to her until his lips found hers, he actually made the move on his own this time. Rachel’s heart skipped a beat as Zack brought her in a small and sweet kiss, not even showing signs that he intended to push it further than it needed to be. Ray felt a warm and relaxing feeling flutter inside of her chest, she freed one hand and wrapped it around Zack’s shoulder. As he slowly broke for air, the two continued to stare at each other for a while – blue eyes meeting gold and black.

“…I liked that,” Ray whispered.

Zack’s eyes tried to shy away now, his usual reaction to hiding his embarrassment.

“It’s nothing special, Ray…”

Then, he felt Rachel bring his attention back to her, always reminding him to not run away.

“It was, Zack. I could tell you put your actual feelings behind it,” Ray replied, “…and for that, it made me happy.”

Zack felt warmth collect underneath his wrappings, “…Should I give you another?”

“I’d like that…you don’t have to ask,” Ray replied.

Zack was about to lean in to claim her lips yet again, but felt the young woman drop something on top of his head. This made the man pause his action, then figure out what she had dropped on top of him, he pulled back as he reached to pick up the object. It was the flowers she had in her hands earlier, only they were arranged in a large ring, he tilted his head in curiosity as he observed the object.

“It’s a flower crown,” Ray explained, “…I used to make them a lot when I was really young.”

Zack glanced at her for a moment, then brought the crown back up to place it on her head, even pulling some of her bangs back to keep them from covering her eyes, before he let the flowers rest upon her locks. For her to tell him a little bit of her past, then it must’ve been a rare, pleasant memory.

“Pretty damn creative,” Zack said as he softly smirked to her. “…you should wear it, flowers are more of your thing, Ray.”

Damn, now the floral accessory complimented the natural lights, and he was going to hold onto Ray’s earlier words about not needing to ask. He leaned to the young woman and placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her closer, and he could feel Rachel meet him halfway. Now, he could see why she said that he didn’t need to ask, Ray would graciously accept his sweet tokens of affection. It felt so out of character to be gentle, but for this warm and pleasant feeling as the reward, he couldn’t care. From the few years that passed by in Rachel’s company, he never felt closer to any person, besides her. He never felt such strange needs before until he began this bond with her, she made him feel like a different person, along with the sense that he would never be alone – so, this was what love was like. It wasn’t just about kisses or holding the other close, it was being together as a whole.

As they pulled back yet again, Rachel brought a hand up to caress Zack’s cheek.

“I love you…” she whispered.

She felt warmth grow underneath her fingertips, knowing that the man was blushing, and she watched Zack nibble at his bottom lip, as if he was having trouble trying to say something. Even his eyes showed the strain of forming the words.

“…Still can’t say it, yet?” she asked. She knew saying sweet things was difficult.

Zack sighed as he buried his face in her shoulder.

“…Yeah…”

Rachel smiled softly as she ran her fingers through Zack’s hair to reassure him, “It’s okay if you’re not ready to say it yet.”

Zack quietly grumbled to himself, “…It’s just…really mushy to say…I’m fine with showing you…shit, I really do suck at this.”

Soon, Ray gently pecked his forehead, “No, you’re just unique. It’s totally fine to show how you feel in your own way. No shame in that.”

“I…I guess…ya’ say all this nice shit…and I can’t even utter a sentence,” Zack groaned.

“Don’t force yourself,” Ray spoke, “there will be a day when you’ll say what’s on your mind.”

Maybe she was right, if Zack didn’t think too hard on it, maybe one day he’d be able to give the same exchange of tender words to her. For now, saying it felt like he was trying to speak a foreign dialect, and he’d just wind up embarrassing himself if he’d try.

Isaac had to give her some sort of reply to let her know that he accepted her feelings of adoration, his fingers found their way into Rachel’s golden locks once more, then gently coaxed her close, as he lightly bumped their heads together. This was normally a recurring method to calm Ray’s nerves when things got her down, but this seemed to be a good alternative to tell her that he loved her as well. Someone who managed to draw out this most human emotion in a man like him, someone he wasn’t ready to part with yet, delaying the promised day further and further. Ray’s feeling was mutual, she had been mistreated all of her life, never knowing what it felt like to be loved, and she wasn’t ready to part with Zack either, contributing the delay in carrying out their oath. It will happen one day, but today and maybe tomorrow wouldn’t be that day.

“Ya’ know I like being around you, right?” Zack said to break the silence.

“Of course.”

Zack quietly chuckled, “Yer’ still a brat…”

“I’m your brat though.”

“Yeah…yeah you are,” Zack mumbled as he reluctantly pulled back. “…it’s getting pretty late…we should get some sleep.”

“Okay…just anywhere?”

Zack didn’t answer, he pulled down the zipper of his hoodie and pulled it open, letting her know what he was going to take her in and let her rest warm and snugly against him. They still had a long road ahead – quite literally, before they would reach another town. The young woman crawled up to Zack and cuddled against his bandaged chest, feeling the man’s arms wrap around her, and zip her comfortably in his jacket. Isaac brought one hand back to pillow his head as the other went back into Ray’s hair to run his fingers through her silky locks, soothing her to a comfortable sleep as they rested under the stars.

Then he noticed the abundance of fireflies began to grow less and less, and he reflected on how their glow seemed mesmerizing.

“Hey Ray…”

“Hmm?”

“I wouldn’t mind watching fireflies with ya’ again…it was nice,” he said. Then he finally felt words fill his mouth, “…you looked good in their light too…y’ know…all pretty-like and stuff…”

Rachel felt a blush grow on her face as she buried it in Zack’s chest, even mumbling a shy whimper. Zack may not be completely ready to say sweet things to her, but maybe Ray wasn’t ready to hear them yet.

“I’d like that,” she replied.

Soon, she felt the man’s lips press against her forehead, that same tender sensation driven by freewill instead of impulse.

“Goodnight, Ray,” he mumbled.

“Goodnight, Zack…”

Ray closed her eyes as she made herself comfortable on Isaac’s body, she slept soundly, while Zack remained awake to stay on guard. It was a gorgeous field they were sleeping in, but it was still the wilderness nonetheless. Zack wanted to make damn sure Ray would be safe.

The man’s eyes directed to one last firefly fluttering in the air, and he slid his hand from Ray’s hair to extend it up to let the insect land on his fingertips. He quietly stared into that otherworldly and hypnotic light for a short moment before letting the bug fly off to the unknown. If things had stayed the same for Zack, he probably wouldn’t have learned new things because of her, it was almost like he was discovering the world itself. Wildlife, civilization, and even his own self – not to mention, learning more about the strengthened bond between him and Rachel.

It felt right, being with this unlikely kindred spirit was so right to him, and he wished he could say it to her – when she was awake, that is. Just wondering how she’d react to him talking all sappy-like is what made his tongue feel like it was being tied in knots. Zack made sure Ray was in a deep sleep and began to lean to her ear to quietly whisper things to her.

There were still many hours to go, and now he had plenty of time to practice.

[dixonministry]

If I Ruled The World

The world would be quite a bit different if I were its supreme dictator. Oh yes, I am in favor of a dictatorship, as long as that dictator is me! And here's how it would go. 

A few disclaimers before we begin: 1) Keep your expectations low when you read this. You won’t like everything I list but you won’t hate it all either. This is due to me being neither a liberal or a conservative solely but rather bits and pieces of each. 2) I am making this rant for my own entertainment and the entertainment of the few people who enjoy it when I rant. I am not making this in hopes of starting a debate on what is right or wrong, stupid or smart. If I sound like an idiot to you, cool. Let me sound like an idiot in peace! With that said, keep your lame ass argumentative comments out of my inbox. Thanks. Ok on with the rant!

First of all, I'd have to setup a single worldwide government. The current rulers of all current nations would become representatives of their respective countries on my World Senate. Of course, being a dictator I don't really need a Senate, but it's nice to have. As long as they know that anything they decide can get shit-canned by me, then it's all good. Not Bush though. And definitely not T.rump. I would pass a law that no-one in the Bush/T.rump family is ever allowed to enter politics ever again. I'd make 0bama the President again so he could be the American Senator, cuz I liked him.  It goes without saying that I'd first pass all sorts of Youth Rights laws. Every age-based law would be abolished and replaced by laws that actually make sense. For example, the driving age would get axed and be replaced by a more rigorous driving test. In fact, we have way too many stupid drivers out there as it is, so the WHOLE driving test would have to be retaken by everyone. I would bring back beheading as the favorite execution style. Lethal Injections are for pussies. What the fuck is scary about getting a shot that puts you to sleep? Fuck no, if you did something bad enough that you deserve to die, you're gonna lose your head, bitch! Murderers get the death penalty, period. No life imprisonments for assholes who kill people. You kill someone, you die, that's all. (Note: DP would however only occur with a substantial amount of concrete evidence) Rapists get the death penalty. If she said no, then it's NO, motherfucker.  If you beat your kids, you get put in chains in the middle of Times Square and people can pay $1 for one punch or kick. The beatings stop when someone draws blood (cuz we don't wanna kill your ass). On the 3rd offense, an angry mob gets to beat your ass into a coma. If you come out of it, your kids can decide whether you should live or die. If you molest a kid, whatever part of your body touched them gets painted with acid. Then you go to the chopping block! If you steal from someone, you lose your rights and freedom for 1 year and become your victim's endentured servant. On the 3rd offense, you will work until you have paid for 10 times the value of the item stolen or for 5 years, whichever comes first. Marijuana is legal in Salt’s World. It will be tightly regulated and heavily taxed, because if you're gonna be a pothead, you're gonna fucking pay for it. Growing your own shit or selling it without a license will be considered stealing from the government and you get the punishment for theft (see above). Drunk drivers get no chances. First offense of drunk driving means you lose your license for life, in theory. I say "in theory" because it will work sort of like a life sentence in prison works. You can be brought up for "parole" and a committee will assess whether you deserve to get your license back. Such assessments will occur once every 10 years. If you beat your wife, I annul your marriage and place a restraining order against you. I don't care if she gives me that brainwashed crying bullshit "but he loves me, he didn't mean it, really he doesn't abuse me." You hit her, you lose her, and that's final. I will have my government scientists figure out an alternative to abortion that everyone can live with. Preferably, I'd like to see us be able to remove an embryo and continue to grow it in a lab. People who're trying to adopt always want babies and they always have to wait years for one. Not anymore. Furthermore, it seems that adoption is frowned upon due to it being so difficult to get approved and those who do get approved have a predisposition for choosing pretty, white INFANTS. Under my control, a new process will be drawn up to make it not only easier to adopt regardless of sexuality, marital status, etc but make it so that people don’t get to “select” which child they want. First come, first given, end of story. If you really want a child, you wouldn’t be that gdamn picky anyway. If you don’t want your child, that’s fine and well. We will literally take it out of your stomach (same concept as aborting) and grow it for you. Real abortions will only be allowed if a health risk to either mother or child comes up. This is how I would attempt to find middle ground, a compromise if you will. My government will fund cloning research. I want to be able to clone stem cells and body parts. If this can be done, maybe sick and dying patients won't have to wait year after year for suitable donors. In a world where everyone is part of the same government, there's not much need for massive armies. A global police force will be instituted as the next step above Federal officers. So, it would go, local cops, state cops, federal cops, global cops. Without an army to feed, clothe, etc. a shitload of money would be freed up to make people's lives better. There won't be anymore fucking hunger in my world. Every single farm worldwide will be required by law to give 5% of their yearly output to the government for distribution to the poor. They will, of course, receive a humongous tax break for doing this and any farm that voluntarily gives in excess of 15% will pay no taxes at all. Yes, I know this will make the cost of food rise globally. Too bad. You pay a dollar more for your T-bone and you can just cry about it, but at least some little Ethiopian can have some fucking potatoes that night. And in retrospect, under my administration, the percentage of poor people in the world should lower dramatically if not disappear altogether if you play your cards right. But until this global shitshow is corrected, that’s what would have to happen. Medicine will no longer be big business. All wealthy citizens under my rule will see a tax increase, which will pay for everyone's healthcare. No more private insurance companies, it's going government-issue, baby! And, by the way, under my rule the words "government issue" won't be a synonym for "piss poor." No one should be groaning about this because the minimum wage will also see an increase to an actual living wage proportional to the cost of living that will make workers and their families happy and also boost consumer sales, thus increasing the profits of businesses everywhere. The lack of insurance plans employers now have to provide for their employees will free up some of that extra cash. We're dismantling nuclear weapons and using their radioactive components as fuel. What the fuck do we need nukes for when all the world is united under one government? I will pass a law stating once and for all that all sentient life on this planet is entitled to equal treatment and protection under the law and that no law may be passed which contradicts this. Gay marriage: Legal. If you file a stupid lawsuit, we throw you in jail for 3 months. This includes suing the tobacco industry when you're the one who lit up 50 times a day for 30 years, moron. You also can't sue because you're fat. Watch what you eat and exercise if it bothers you so much! I will force Microsoft, Apple, and all those Google people to work together and create "The Uber OS." It'll run Windows programs and Mac programs (all versions) and Google programs (all flavors). All the drivers will work interchangeably. They will all be told that if the OS ever crashes, they each lose a family member! Mwahahahahaha. (kidding obvs). Every citizen will be allowed to carry a sidearm, as long as the sidearm is worn in plain view (like the old west). Every citizen carrying a gun had better remember the price they'll pay for murder. Unless it's self defense or defense of another's life, don't pull that gun! Significant resources will be diverted to build subway systems. City-wide, State-wide, Nation-wide, and World-wide systems will be built. Any system that is Interstate or beyond must be supersonic. The World-wide system must reach speeds of Mach 2 or greater (don't try standing up on the train, bitch!). The purpose of this subway network will not only be to facilitate free travel across the globe, but also to provide countless millions of new jobs that should adequately handle our planet's homelessness and unemployment problems. I should've mentioned taxes earlier, but here it is. The worldwide tax brackets will be as follows: everyone making 10k or less will owe 12% (you can omit the extra 2% with a financial hardship exemption form but it should be noted that no full-time adult worker should be making that much under my leadership so this should be doable without a person’s quality of life taking a hit), everyone making between 10,001-99,999 will owe 15%, everyone making $100k-$200k will owe 30%. Everyone over 200k will owe 50%. Surely you don't think the money for all these great improvements is just gonna fall from the sky? Recycling will become mandatory. We throw away far too much shit. Why chop down a rainforest when there's enough paper in a city dump to fill a library 10 times over?! We will also have to become far less dependent on fossil fuels. I'll work out a timetable for eventually outlawing fossil fuels in favor of electric, solar, and nuclear power. Go back to that city dump and imagine how many atoms are sitting their going to waste when we could be smashing them and reaping the benefits. Prison overcrowding? No problem! Legalizing weed and making drugs a medical issue instead of a criminal one should take care of this problem for the most part and as for the rest, well, Antarctica is just sitting there not doing a damn thing, it's time we put it to use. Remember the penal colony "Rura Penthe" from Star Trek VI? Yup, it'll be something like that. No guard towers, no fence, nothing. If you wanna escape, go ahead. You'll just freeze to death, idiot. Otherwise, you'll stay right there in prison and serve out your sentence. Imagine how many new jobs a prison that size will create? And the cost of feeding them will be negligible. They'll have giant heated greenhouses for growing everything they eat. They don't work to grow it, they don't eat. In other words, a prison sentence means you serve your time as a farmer in the middle of frozen fucking nowhere. Jon Stewart will be appointed as my press secretary. At least all my press releases will have the whole world laughing their asses off. Minimum Wage will be increased to $12.50/hr. I think Ronald McDonald can afford to buy used overhauls for a while so that his employees don't have to shop at the Salvation Army. Corruption in government would be gone. No one is allowed to spend more than $500 on their election campaigns. They can put up a fucking website and do grassroots shit. That way there's no big corporate donations and shit to deal with. Plus, politicians are gonna become like preachers: We give them a place to live and a minimal salary, that's it. No big bucks, no fancy cars, nothing. It's not gonna be about the money. All the money we cut from politicians can go to teachers, cops, firemen, etc. Y'know, the government employees who actually fucking DO something worthwhile and give back to society. Pro Athletes get capped at $90,000/yr. None of this being a rich bastard because you play a fucking game. Maybe then, only people who LOVE the sport and DON'T corrupt it will find their way in. Just like with the politicians, when it's not about the money only people who actually give a fuck will want the job. Ninety grand a year is still a damn good salary. It's not like they'll be poor. The RIAA and MPAA will be told once and for all to shut the fuck up about Peer-to-Peer. They should've jumped on the bandwagon when it got rolling, now they can just suck it up. By the way, musicians and actors are capped at $60,000/yr. They can still have the royalties on their music, movies, concerts, commercial deals, etc. Wouldn't be fair to take that away from them. However, the industry will still be encouraged to develop better copyright protection methods so that all the true geeks can still enjoy the immense thrill of breaking a copyright protection scheme only days after it's implemented. They've gotta have something to do on a dateless Saturday night. Wouldn't want to rob them of that. We'll be having a government-sponsored betting pool on how long it takes the industry to figure out that copyright protection is fucking useless (they spend years developing some new state-of-the-art system and once it's released, a 13yo breaks it in 2 days... get a clue). SPAM will be made illegal! The punishment for spamming is 5 years in the Antarctic Prison Colony! I think that just about covers the basics. Of course, I could probably go on all fucking night with this shit, but if I kept going I'd never get this rant posted. Just know that there's like a billion more cool things I'd do. I might just have to make a sequel to this rant. Until then....... Salt for president 2020.  

[boobachu]

Why 100 reasons not to kill youself is bullshit

I’m in a bad mood and I’m bored out of my skull so I’m gonna fill out answers to that post going around

1. We would miss you. Who’s we? I left the internet a week and no one noticed.

2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you. Okay this is kinda true, the main reason I haven’t blown my brains out yet is fear of screwing it up and becoming a vegetable.

3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. No it doesn’t! Well, technically it gets better enough for you to feel pain when it gets worse than it ever was,

4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing. I’m dead! I can’t miss shit when my brain isn’t on!

5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there. This isn’t even a reason, five and you’re already stuffing this full of bullshit.

6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself. Literally I can’t remember the last time someone told me “hi” or “Hey wanna do something?” No one cares I exist and nothing I can do will change that.

7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise. Why?

8. You are amazing. Yeah that must be why I can’t get a home or even cook.

9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better. Well it’s been 25 years... nope, never happening. I’m only getting worse and worse.

10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead. I CAN’T DO THEM WHEN ALIVE EITHER!

11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive. You can’t love strangers.

12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die. So?

13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about. Okay good?

14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me. I literally don’t know OP. This is why suicide prevention is total bullshit. No one actually cares about you, they care about making themselves feel better through platitudes.

15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born. I’M STERILE

16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died? If they’d care, they’d have actually shown even a little bit of empathy.

17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect. Bullshit.

18. Think about your favorite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again… Who cares?!

19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day That’s literally the worst feeling, you have to take off all your clothes cuz it’s suddenly hot as hell and then you have to put on the jacket to leave and ugh it’s the worst. 20. Listening to incredibly loud music Who cares? 21. Being alive is just really good. It’s literally not.

22. Not being alive is really bad. You’re not even trying, you’re just filling bullshit to hit that 100 quota.

23. Finding your soulmate. SOULMATES AREN’T REAL 24. Red pandas Ew

25. Going to diners at three in the morning. Diners don’t exist! Where are these diners? I live in fucking Texas!

26. Really soft pillows. In the coffin. 27. Eating pizza in New York City. I’M POOR 28. Proving people wrong with your success. That dream died a decade ago.

29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. Literally all the jerks I know are mega successes. Hell look at ProJared, Jontron, Pewdiepie! This world rewards being the worst!

30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can. Meh 31. Being able to help other people. No one needs my help, they have others.

32. Bonfires. scare me. 33. Sitting on rooftops. SCARE ME

34. Seeing every single country in the world. No way jose. 35. Going on roadtrips. I’ve already done that, now I’m poor.

36. You might win the lottery someday. Yeah that’s stable. 37. Listening to music on a record player. Who cares?

38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. I’M SCARED OF HEIGHTS STOP 39. Taking really cool pictures. WHO CARES

40. Literally meeting thousands of new people. Who don’t give a shit about me, next! 41. Hearing crazy stories. Who cares? 42. Telling crazy stories. No one cares.

43. Eating ice cream on a hot day. This really doesn’t seem worth it. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know. So murder-suicide JK Roling.

45. Traveling to another planet someday. No way 46. Having an underwater house. NO

47. Randomly running into your hero on the street. I have no hero. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel. WHo cares? 49. Trampolines. I HATE THEM

50. Think about your favorite movie, you’ll never watch it again. I’M DEAD

51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke Yeah, that’ll never happen.

52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more. It literally doesn’t!

53. People do care. That’s not a reason 54. Treehouses What do they care too? LOL

55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse Soul mates aren’t real.

55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees I already do that, doesn’t matter.

56. I don’t even know you and I love you. Impossible

57. I don’t even know you and I care about you. More possible but still difficult

58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness! Thank God, I’m a horrible person.

59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor. Big whoop 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS! Well I’ll be dead so meh

61. Starbucks. Worst thing ever 62. Hugs. Scare me

63. Stargazing. I’m always scared a spider will exist. 64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is. My purpose is to die.

65. You’ve changed somebody’s life. So?

66. Now you could change the world. I already did.

67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you. Nope, I’m too bad of a person. 68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you. Actually yeah, the nazis might turn me into soap so it might be better to die now.

69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life. So?

70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things. You already said this.

71. Making snow angels. Texas 72. Making snowmen. TEXAS

73. Snowball fights.

TEXAS!!!!

74. Life is what you make of it. Which is why I want to die. 75. Everybody has a talent. Who cares!

76. Laughing until you cry. I can’t cry no matter how much I want to and honestly that’s a big fuel of wanting to die.

77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy. Nope, depression. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist. The world is always changing.

79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down You literally just said this.

80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive. This is literally advocating suicide. Wow you suck at this LOL

81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero. Poor

82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. No, it means waking up not wanting to die and having something to look forward to and being able to do what you really really want to.

83. One day your smile will be real. The wind blows waftfully 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day. I’m too big for my bathtub.

85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds. I’m scared of spiders.

86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends. Alcoholism runs in the family and I don’t want that.

87. Eating crazy food. Ew no

88. Staying up all night watching your favorite films with a loved one. No one loves me.

89. Sleeping in all day. Already do that cuz depressed

90. Creating something you’re proud of. If I could, I wouldn’t want to die.

91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit I’m pretty certain I’d die of famine by then.

92. Being able to meet your Internet friends. I’m literally terrified of meeting them. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate Who cares

94. Sherlock season three. This is literally advocating for suicide, wow you’re bad at this! 95. Cuddling under the stars. You already mentioned this.

96. Being stupid in public because you just can. Wow that’s really worth living for 9__9

97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile? No, there’s literally no reason to smile because my future is blighted.

98. being able to hug that one person you haven't seen in years I’m scared of hugging.

99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this. You literally didn’t!

Many of these are just repeats and almost all of it is nonsense!

Like if I could enjoy any of this shit, then I wouldn’t want to die in the first place!!

Either that or your “reasons” were horrible awful things I’d never want to do.

Deadinparadice, you suck.

100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen You mentioned this many times.

Well that was a shitload of fuck, what were they thinking?!

You wanna know real reasons not to kill yourself?

A) If you fuck up it’s going to hurt like hell

B) If you don’t die because you fucked up or if some asshole saves you, there’s always going to be something wrong with you

Whether it’s colorblindness, mental hiccups, or being a fucking vegetable, the lights are on but nobody home

C) It’s scary

Otherwise, suicide happens when you have no place in the world, when your depression gets so bad, and it ALWAYS gets that bad eventually, that you can’t take it anymore.

Like, if other people can take these platitudes and feel better, more power to ya, but all this shit just feels like being mocked.

Like it’s sooooo easy to want to live.

As though life is going to be wonderful always.

There’s literally a genocide going on along with a massive extinction event, and all the fascists, authoritrians they all got nukes so one day it could all end.

There’s nothing to look forward to.

On top of that more and more it feels like I have no place anywhere in this world.

If I were braver I’d take the shotgun and end it, but I fear pain so much I’m scared of running cuz I might trip and skid my knees.

Life is nothing but misery.