#weekly rant
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Do you ever envy who you used to be?
While to many it is their body, their beauty
And I am no different from the masses
Do others ever envy their mind?
I used to be a poet, an artist
Spinning painting of words and stories of many
I used to live and desire
Consumed by a want, no a need
Create, passion for the doing.
What does one do when they lose all they once were
Burnt to a:
a crisp is too much to compared to what is left of me.
Depression and me are synonymous beings
Born in the same breath
I wish to be consumed by the madness once again
A lust for thought and desire to speak
Consume me and eat my soul
I am not a being pure
I always did say I wouldn’t live past 25
Is this it then? A life of a walking corpse
To feed, to clean, sleep and sustain my passive existence
Passivity is a pain oh so torturous
There is where I find myself in madness.
Cannot consume or be consumed
I do not eat or serve myself on a platter
There is no delicious feast of me
But let me be thy sustenance
as you feed me life
I will not bare my teeth
I shall not growl
Let me consume
#weekly rant#maybe daily at this point#scroll past babes#I’m trying to get back intl the person I was#but kinder
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Weekly rant: someone commented on one of my fics and I’m pissed (I sound like a bitch, but I’m being honest)
I had someone comment on a fic something to the effect of “I wouldn’t have written X-character this way, next time you should…”
First off. Bitch. This fic is not for you. I post it so I can share it with others who might want to read the same thing I do (and so I can read my fics on my phone). That’s a privilege, you’re welcome.
If you don’t like it don’t read it. It is a waste of your time which becomes a waste of my time when you complain. I will not hesitate to not approve a comment if it is too rude or pisses me off.
I always make sure to tag pretty well (not a million, there is no need for that many tags unless is a compilation of one shots). If you miss a tag, don’t tell me, that’s on you. If you think one is needed, I’ll re-read my fic and see if it’s needed. No, I will not add a smut tag (bdsm/fetish always tagged) if it’s explicit. if violence or gore is not a tag and you can’t figure out what it could be, maybe you shouldn’t be reading my stuff.
For me, fanfics are a way for me to write down the ideas that have been running through my head. I plan these elaborate fics all day/night and only about 30% of those ever get written down somewhere (quote, summary, main theme, etc.) and about 2% of those will see the light of the internet.
If you go into a fic expecting it to be 100% your vision, write your own. If you can’t find a fic that has exactly what you want, write your own. That’s why I post. So that I can read them myself later and smile because I finally have a perfect fic.
Fanfic/fandom has been part of my life for about 15 years. I have been writing stories since I could write. I am in no ways perfect. I just want to share my little stories with people to show them different perspectives and possibilities. I am not planning on stopping or changing the way I do things.
TLDR: My fanfics are for me. Not you. I share them because I want to. Not for you to be a dick. There are bigger issues in the world than me writing the same people fucking again and again with my headcanons.
Thank you.
Points for reading till the end.
It’s three am
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tysm the weekly light for giving me motivation to draw LMAO
a lil messy but thats ok. it was a lot of fun so thats all that matters haha (I LOVE RENDERING AND DO THE LIGHTING AND ALL THAT SHIT ITS SO FUN) rip mothy gilbert also had too much fun ig lmao
#art#lotus drawdles#artblr#artists on tumblr#sky cotl fanart#sky cotl#sky children of the light#sky:the weekly light#sky: cotl#to be completely honest i had literally no idea what i was doing#the entire time i was like hmmm. wow what is going on#bro i cant believe that worked i literally lmao whatevered my way through that what#but it was so fun i let myself just do whatever and it was so worth it. and it was really quick too#10/10 would do again. all artists should just idgaf their way through the art its so nice#yip yip yurray#lmao#yeah but theres a lot of other stuff i wanna draw#mainly my pjsk au lmao#but i should also finish my oneshot doodles#oh well#okay i ranted too long in the tags bye bye byeee#digital art
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My thoughts on Frankenstein can basically be summed up in, “Victor is a dickhead but at least he’s not an incel,” and “The Creature is a dickhead but at least he’s not a rich prick”.
To this day “ermmm Victor/Creature is the innocent guy and (X other character) is the bad guy achtually 🤓☝️” takes make me so fucking mad. THEY BOTH SUCK, AND THEYRE BOTH STILL SYMPATHETIC PROTAGONISTS. THATS THE POINT OF THE FUCKING BOOK😭
Also people who think Victor was the bad guy for refusing to make the Bride and going “huh, maybe making a creature for the sole purpose of suffering and fucking you is really fucked up and not my place at all actually?” legitimately need their fucking heads checked because do you genuinely have zero reading comprehension or life experience??? Can you read a book? Can you understand basic themes and concepts? Are you actually stupid?
Victor is a terrible guy for being self absorbed enough to cheat God and nature itself, creating a being that was never meant to be born and inflicting immense suffering on it by the nature of it existing in a way that fundamentally can not be balanced out — following the Christian influences and background in which the novel was written at the time, Victor is not God, he can’t offer the creature salvation or in any way metaphysically balance out his suffering, so he just introduces him to a life of a living hell by his own design and by the nature of the fact that Victor is just a man, and the Creature himself is terrible because the nihilism inherent to his condition as Victor’s creation turns him into a murderous incel who wants to just further the suffering Victor caused, because if he can’t be happy, nobody should, so he kills every innocent bystander who Victor loved and demands that he makes him a woman like Eve who’s equal to him in suffering, who exists for the sole purpose of being his, who was created to be his.
And Victor says no, because he has actual character development and realises it isn’t his place (also, very likely mirroring his engagement to Elizabeth if you kinda follow the same reading as me that Victor never really loved her romantically and felt forced into the marriage because of his mother), which, shock horror, makes Victor a more likeable protagonist, because again, shockingly, he’s actually a pretty good guy in this one situation making a really good moral decision for once by saying “yeah I’m not going to create a woman whose sole purpose in life is to fuck you and suffer as much as you, also what if she doesn’t want to fuck you???”
Are people allergic to the concept of character development or something?? Are people allergic to multifaceted complex characters?? You feel terrible for the creature because of what Victor has done to him by bringing him into existence, and you feel terrible for Victor because of how doomed he is (in the worst way, it’s not just him suffering, he has to watch everyone he loves being forced to suffer because of him) by his one mistake and how he doesn’t have any way to fix it. A creation with no God, and a Man with the weight of God upon him because of his own mistake. They’re both doomed. That’s why it’s so good, THE BOOK IS A FUCKING TRAGEDY WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT FOR SOME PEOPLE TO GRASP???😭
#babe wake up new toaster trash Frankenstein rant just dropped#gothic lit#classic literature#gothic literature#frankenstein#classic lit#goth lit#frankenstein weekly#Victor Frankenstein#frankensteins creature#frankenstein or the modern prometheus#mary Shelley
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The thing about testosterone being a controlled substance means that acess to it for hrt is restricted. While it makes access a significant issue for many people and an easy and effective way to prevent trans men and mascs from transitioning (as we've seen terfs campaign for and succeed at doing in Britain) it also means that is very easy for health care professionals to be able to take it away from trans men/mascs arbitrarily. This is most aborant in cases where trans men/mascs are forced to detransition to gain access to abortions after being raped. However, the first sign of an issues tangentially related to hormones a gp, without any training in trans people or hormones, can and will stop a person's testosterone. Apart from how stressful it is to know that for the rest of your life you'll be dependent on the goodwill of a random person, this has measurable negative consequences for a trans person subjected too it.
Going off t fucking sucks at the best of time, but being forced off t will most likely result in depression and worsening mental health for a trans man/masc, who are already one of the most likely groups to attempt suicide. It can also put a trans person at risk if they suddenly start being visibly trans again, especially if they're closeted in, say, a work place environment. Trans people, including trans men, are already one of the most targeted groups of harassment and violence and sexual assalt and forcibly reducing or stopping t can out people and risk their safety. And a gp won't see this or care about this, or attempt to treat a trans man/masc first or ask for their opinion or situation.
Ultimately, testosterone is seen as entirely optional and so the first resort when something goes wrong it to take it away, when it should be considered the last resort, and is considered the last resort for cis men. And as long as testosterone continues to be a controlled substance it will remain like this.
(edit for clarification: I am a kiwi, this post was intended as a general critique of accessing t through health care systems - based in my lived experience in NZ and what ive heard from international trans ppl; including but not limited to the USA)
#Transandrophobia#This rant brought to you by my gp threatening my health and safety by stopping t for a couple conditions that would be treated if I were ci#Excess hemoglobin is documented but not well understood in trans men but there are option available that aren't no t#And high blood pressure runs in the family but no one's making my dad take t suppressants even though no medication is particularly effecti#If she asked me I would rather have gout and t than neither#But I don't get an option#And if I shout to loudly I'm scared they'll not let me ever take it again#She won't even put me back on the weekly injections I'm supposed to be on now that the shortage is over#Despite the fact she's worried my t levels are too high after the injection#(Which given they're normal after a week and how much I dislike the roller coster effect should be the first thing)#But if I start on the limited options and how t is seen as so optional shortages don't matter and different options don't matter
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You know,, if the story was told from Sasuke's point of view literally nobody would actually expect or want him to return to the village. And like, I get why it's a touchy thing for a lot of Naruto fans. The circumstances for Sasuke's departure and the entire Valley of the End fight were upsetting. Bad time all around, yes, but that doesn't mean leaving Konoha was the wrong choice for Sasuke to make. Avenging the clan was like the only thing keeping him alive at that point, so expecting Sasuke to just sit back and let the Curse Mark slowly kill him without having achieved any sort of justice for his family is ludicrous actually. But besides that, learning the truth about the Uchiha's genocide is like the ultimate determinant that Sasuke has no obligation to the village whatsoever. Like at some point, no matter how much you dislike or resent him as a character, you have to realise that everything Konoha did to Sasuke and the rest of his family was absolutely despicable and he genuinely does not owe that place anything.
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OWW. HYDE. HYDE NOOOO
THE SCRATCHES OMG THE LOOK ON HIS FACE THE REALISATION BEHIND THAT LITTLE “no”
THE WIP SKETCH!!!! IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S FINALLY HERE BUT AT WHAT COST
"I didn't mean to" OUCH???? Jekyll you better come back up RIGHT FUCKING NOW PLEASE TELL HYDE THAT WAS ALL /J PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-
"I'll fix it, I'll put you back together" Hyde says, after shattering all of Jekyll's reputation to pieces, saying he'll fix all the damage he made. also the SYMBOLISM in his face reflected in the glass??? broken in two pieces and still no Jekyll??? ow??
hey guys. uhm. uhm. correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think you can. fix a shattered glass once it breaks. what does this mean
this whole scene?????? the moment Hyde realised he hated the silence more than any horrid insult Jekyll could throw at him?? the way he'd give anything, do anything, just to hear his other half's voice again and oh ow. oh. I think i need a moment.
I think it was a favourite taunt of Hyde's to mock Jekyll for being an empty shell, for showing no emotion underneath that shiny facade that is his smile. that underneath his perfect gentlemany suit there is not a heartbeat there.
however I believe Hyde is as much of an empty shell as Jekyll is, albeit one built out of Jekyll's discarded emotions. he's just a pile of unrepressed emotions that grew out flesh and blood. he has nothing that he can call truly his, not his memories, his family, his Identity. it was all built around Jekyll, and without Jekyll he is just a shell of who he once was, so in this essay i will-
#that was longer than i thought I'm sorry#kkat's monday rants#the glass scientists#tgs update#tgs spoilers#sidenote that this was almost cancelled because of @echooefrost#but I persist on. for those who care about my silly weekly breakdowns
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Thinking about how every time Jeremy and Ayo talk about Sydney and Carmy's relationship they give us this bland ass explanation of their dynamic. "oh they respect each other. it's all about respect. It's not romantic." Like...sure
The agony between these two. you don't have this much tension and unsaid words unless it is someone you have romantic feelings for. I don't care what anyone says. They're awkward but they didn't have a lot of trouble communicating their thoughts and feelings compared from season 1 to 2 and now..something has shifted from season 2 to now in a short fucking amount of time.
you mean to tell me, the writers created such a beautifully poetic and complex show about love and legacy and connection and romance. it's a show about romance. IT'S A SHOW ABOUT ROMANCE.
YOU CAN'T SIT UP THERE AND TELL ME OTHERWISE. YOU CANNOT SAY THESE TWO SIMPLY RESPECT EACH OTHER. CARMY HAS NOT SAID THIS TO ANYONE ELSE. HE IS NOT ONLY TALKING ABOUT THE KITCHEN, HE IS TALKING ABOUT LIFE IN GENERAL BECAUSE THE KITCHEN IS HIS LIFE.
oh yeah she's just his future because they are both passionate about cooking. WHEN THAT IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT. IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLISTIC. IT'S MORE THAN BEING PASSIONATE ABOUT THE COOKING. IT'S THE CONNECTION. THE FOOD IS THE CATALYST FOR AN UNSPOKEN LANGUAGE. STOP TRYING TO SIMPLIFY SHIT ON A SHOW THAT IS WHOLLY COMPLEX.
*taking a deep calming breath*
We are being shown something without words. We are being shown what is happening between these two from their pov.
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#thank you for participating :)#random polls#daily polls#polls#stupid polls#autistic polls#silly poll#autistic thoughts#weekly planner#when I ask for availability next week and they say this sunday 🙃🫠🤪makes me insane hahahhahahhah#rants & reflections
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I hope Neil gets his wish and they release Season 3 weekly (or at least in chunks) instead of all at once. There’s just such a specific experience of getting to digest episodes one at a time and giving them room to breathe. Especially since this is the last season, we may as well take the time to properly enjoy it.
#I’m thinking of how we were for ofmd or loki#weekly art theories meta etc#neil gaiman#michael sheen#david tennant#good omens#terry pratchett#good omens season 3#lilly rants
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I hate to sound like an obnoxious grandmother, but the amount of people who have no clue how to sew a button is shocking and disappointing.
I could go on a long rant about capitalism and the mass extinction of practical skills. Or even the loss of said skills being viewed as “women’s work” which were demonized by both men and third wave buzzfeed feminists alike but I would never leave this draft. DO NOT get me started on both parties feeling entitled to your labor when they find out you have a semblance of knowledge.
What I’m saying is that I urge everyone to learn simple garment repair. It’s not expensive and it’s not hard no matter what asshole online tells you otherwise. It doesn’t even need to look nice. I am completely self taught and it all started when I wanted a lanyard that would match my greasy, pre-teen, vampirefreaks.com aesthetic. I made that shit out of left over Christmas ribbons, an old keychain, and rotted thread. And guess what, it was so badass that it inspired me to dig deeper into sewing and diy in general.
There is so much pride in taking care of what you own. What you own is meant to get beat up, so beat it up, fix it, then beat it up again. Your body grows, it shrinks, you expand out, you contract in… That’s how your body works. Deal with it you can’t prevent natural function. Instead of consuming on mass learn to adjust your clothing to your needs!!
I wish the world was more resourceful and considerate. Please if you read this consider messing around with a needle and thread. I am open to helping anyone if they have any questions. I have worked as a tailor and alterations specialist. I have worked on everything imaginable; men’s suits, patching jeans, adding gussets in jeans, gun holsters, chaps, wedding dresses, doll dresses, pants with literal shit, and yes, buttons.
Please hear my plea and discover a whole new world of a forgotten form of resistance to capitalism. Fight against mass consumerism. Pick up that pack of needles and tangled thread and sew something awful.
#drives me bonkers#sewing is punk#guy was shocked I was going to charge him#this is my weekly rant#do it yourself
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idea. since askdusttale answered an ask about where dust got his determination from (because dust has SOME determination just so he can remember the timelines and keep going against the human) and said it was totally up to personal interpretation on how he got his determination. so so so like what if what if dusttale's player did something similar to something new's player and changed dust's code to give him determination??? so dust and killer COULD BOTH had their codes tampered with??? the parallels would be INSANE. they both started off as sans and got their codes tampered with by the player but dust and killer went on two opposite paths. dust out of his own voalition decided to go against the human but killer had to team up with the human no choice at all. the opposite parallels go CRAZY oh god im tweaking
killer doesn't know exactly (since i forgot whether or not he can see codes or something like that. i swear there was an image of him describing fell and swap's code and then his own) but he can SENSE that something's off. something's different about dust that he doesn't quite know about. maybe it gets him to ask a bunch of questions that dust is definitely not open to answering because jesus man mind your own damn business but the question that really sets killer off is the way dust answers when he asks "so if you have determination then how did you get it?" and dust just shrugs his shoulders and said that one day he suddenly remembered the resets and then that's when he got it (and then goes back to mumbling to phantom paps or wtvr) and killer's just like. zomg. a sudden change in behavior or mentality that seemingly has no apparent reason related to the human???? like like like when he suddenly had to agree with the player despite literally never wanting to????? killer is over thinking the implications behind this
meanwhile dust is just annoyed now because killer keeps on following him. he keeps asking him strange questions. wtf why is the guy asking to see his SOUL that's incredibly personal???? he just wants to be left alone man he has no idea what's going on
#this is what happens when i go on my weekly ask dusttale scroll through i come up with ideas like this#one day killer asks dust if he knows about the players and creators#dust says no. and the moment killer starts explaining it to him he backs off#because dust is actually fucking going crazy at what he just barely said#there are people above us that control our stories??? our LIVES???#so he wasn't fighting against some random human but a literal god who wanted to play with him out of curiosity???#dust is never going to forget that conversation. killer knows even that one sentence changed him#dust is really paranoid now when he sees a human. immediately kills them compared to before#yk what let's make this nightmare's gang related! nm notices dust's paranoia toward humans#mans is getting upset because he's killing precious negativity. so he asks killer#killer wtf happened to dust i told you to watch over him and horror (sadly i cant drag him into this hc)#and killer's like i might've told him about creators and players and now he's probably having a crisis over his free will and stuff#yeahhhh that dust gets replaced asap. it's better to leave aus unaware of creators in the DUST (haha)#and then promptly replaces him. killer keeps on eyeing the new dust like#is it a dusttale thing? is it all dusts? or was that the only one? maybe this one KNOWS?#but in the end he leaves him alone bc nm told him too. he's still overthinking those implications though#GOD THIS IS SUCH A COOL FUCKING IDEA#askdusttale i love having freedom to come up with ideas like this BLESS 🙏🙏🙏#listen if there were a real canon reason dust gets determination then i wouldn't have this idea#but dusttale's canon is so loose and just structural its GREAT!!!! i love it#and the fact that the dusttale fics dont even change much to the lore??? just explains dusts personality better#HOW MANY MORE PARALLELS CAN THE MTT HAVE BEFORE THEY EXPLODE I SWEAR#killer sans#dust sans#nightmare sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#utmv#sans au#tricule rant
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Fem hthm!!!!
#now to my weekly rant in the tumblr tags#I ordered some enamel pins and keychains from a manu in China. and girl had to have it shipped by 29 sept#girl did not in fact have it shipped by the 29#she shipped on the fucking 8th oct.#I paid for it to be shipped directly to me instead of original plan of having it shipped to US and then here#and. the site says it’s gonna arrive in the 14#A DAY AFTER THE CON#CRIED#SHIRLEY MY ENEMY I WILL NEVER ODER FROM YALL AGAIN NO MATTER HOW GOOD THE PRODUCT LOOKS TF#anyway#art#genderbend#genshin alhaitham#fem alhaitham#genshin impact fanart
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If I think about this end credit art too hard I explode
#really feeling the fact that s5 is less than 2 weeks away#puppet motif. puppet motif!#They are the *embodiment* of fate vs freewill I can't handle this I can't do it#''Destiny is a book you write yourself'' ''Destined to play right into my hands'' GET OUT OF HERE#Aaravos her midnight star. The south star/Leola's last wish.#A star as a point of navigation but navigating to where? to what?#To light? To darkness? Does it matter?#What if the person you love is in the dark. What if the person you hate is in the light.#Weekly fate vs freewill breakdown let's GOOOOOOO#tdp#the dragon prince#tdp rant#imp tag#tdp s4
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Percy: how's the food?
Annabeth: it's great! Send compliments to the chef!
Percy: okay.
Percy: goes to the kitchen.
Percy: you have beautiful eyes.
Nico, blushing: thanks.
#au wherein Nico is a famous chef Annabeth is a sophisticated lady from a rich family and Percy is the waiter in her favourite restaurant#Percy can't help but fall for the girl he serves on a weekly basis#he comes to rant to this chef who he became friends with#completely oblivious of how Nico has feelings for him and how he's hurt each time he comes to talk about Annabeth#so yeah basically#percicobeth#the same relationship but in a different universe#percy jackson#annabeth chase#nico di angelo#percabeth#incorrect percabeth quotes#percico#pernico#nicercy#incorrect percy jackson#incorrect hoo quotes#incorrect pjo quotes#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo#I'd also like to see this as a fic#pjo fic
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This is not an attack on you at ALL I’m sorry for moving this to it’s own post I just have Opinions™️ and I need be weird about this book rq I’ll tag you anyway in case you’re interested like at all in my dumb little opinion @adrianfridge-main
I just woke up but DISAGREED Victor’s complaining was completely and utterly justified tbh (bro fucked up astronomically big time and as a result his entire family is dead, I think he’s earned the right to be in despair), Victor’s biggest flaw was the fact he stitched together a mass of corpses and brought it to life and then told nobody, Victor’s biggest flaw is avoidance – and part of that is understandable, it’s a common trauma response, but Victor should have been open about how he felt about Elizabeth, he should have worked through his feelings about his family and expressed them, he should have confronted what he did with the creature and told someone, told Clerval, Victor’s biggest flaw isn’t that he’s in despair, it’s that he rarely explains that despair to others – and it’s understandable why he doesn’t, but it’s still wrong, because that’s how he hurts people.
He keeps parts of himself hidden – as arguably represented by the creature himself. He begins to isolate himself for really the first time, he has a lot of space away from people he’s been around his entire life for really the first time, and it’s fairly safe to say that psychological things begin to build up, as he builds the creature, almost represented by him – whatever interpretation you have of these knew-found realisations can greatly vary depending on the reading of the book you have, but personally I think it’s mostly how he feels about himself and his family.
I don’t think Victor wanted to marry Elizabeth at all – and I’ll probably make a whole catch-all rant on that point soon enough, but I think once he actually begins to get some time in isolation to think about things, he starts thinking about his mother, he starts thinking about Elizabeth, he starts considering all these complicated feelings, that he genuinely does love his mother, but that she’s effectively forcing him into something he doesn’t want to do at all, surely she’d understand if he just explained – but she’s dead, he can’t explain, it’s too late for that. Would she have accepted his explanations in the first place, or would he have disappointed her? This was his mother’s only dying wish, the last thing she left to him, the last thing he had to remember her by – and I do believe Victor genuinely loved his mother, even if I’m also absolutely of the opinion that she was a terrible person. Instead of coming to a conclusion about this, Victor spirals, it builds up, he tells no-one – I don’t believe he would’ve told Henry – and this coincides with the creation of the creature. His dead mother’s final wish being the definitive thing haunting him, and the representation of his spiral and all of his emotions about that being a mass of sentient corpses – seems accurate.
Following this argument, Victor sees Clerval again after all those years, and he collapses from the weight of it all – he rants about it vaguely, but he hides it, and he continues to do so, ignoring it, and that’s when it slowly begins to become harmful, purposefully picking off the people he loves and hurting them.
It’s important to remember still, of course, that the monster isn’t metaphorical, he is real – it’s just that a lot of heights of Victor’s despair and tendency to spiral into his own thoughts coincide well with the “building” of the creature, or with him becoming more vocally demanding of Victor or harmful to his loved ones, so he tends to be a pretty good approximation for a physical representation of Frankenstein’s mental state and guilt. And effectively, Frankenstein desperately trying to hide the creature, fumbling with promises to make further mistakes to push him away only to come to the realisation that they’re wrong, but still having to deal with the consequences of them, instead of just from the start being open and honest, even if that honestly was “I need some time to think, and I don’t know how I feel right now.” – that’s his biggest flaw. And the people Victor hurts is really best represented through Elizabeth herself – I hold the very very strong opinion that Victor and Elizabeth are both victims of what was pretty basically just grooming, and again, avoidance is a very common trauma response, but Elizabeth tried to confront Victor on multiple occasions, sending that letter asking about how he feels about the marriage, saying it doesn’t need to happen if he doesn’t want it to – instead he misinterprets this as his poor dear cousin in despair second-guessing his affections for her, (very likely because of things his mother probably told him as a child), and decides to “put her mind at ease” by telling her that he will marry her, despite his actions saying completely otherwise and Elizabeth herself pretty openly not really wanting to marry him.
He’s gone through so much at this point, feels himself responsible for so many deaths, and decides the final thing he needs to do before he dies is not to be a disgrace to his parents as well, or any more of a disgrace than he already is, in his eyes.
And I also definitely have a queer reading of the novel – I genuinely do really hold to the interpretation of Frankenstein and Clerval’s relationship being romantic, and from there and concerning the creation of the bride, Henry really is effectively murdered as a punishment for Victor doubting the role given to him – almost like his doubts and guilt, as embodied by the creature, overwhelm him in that way. “Ah! my father, do not remain in this wretched country; take me where I may forget myself, my existence, and all the world.” He’s pushing away the memory of Clerval’s death, repressing it, avoiding it, and that is extremely important for how he shifts his tone with Elizabeth and puts up that fake demeanour of wanting to marry her, because he thinks it’ll make her happy even though both of them describe dreading the wedding, even given the context for Victor and even by Elizabeth, who doesn’t know what he dreads – in order to forget Clerval, he assigns himself to the role given to him as a child by marrying Elizabeth and gives up whatever he hope he had.
All possibly discouraged from Clerval being murdered as a response to Victor refusing to finish the Bride and subject her to the same fate as him and Elizabeth to the Creature, a pact made without her knowledge or consent, an arranged marriage. Where has spiting that tradition led him? Where has him standing up to the shroud of his mother’s dying wishes, hanging over him the entire novel thus far, led him, by refusing to force the Bride into an arranged marriage with the Creature, as he was with Elizabeth? To the death of the one man he truly loved. So, can at least “make his dear cousin happy” and not die spiting the one thing he was meant to do – make his mother proud from beyond the grave by marrying Elizabeth.
And even then, adding to my argument of the creature being a physical embodiment of Frankenstein‘s guilt and dread – that building tension approaching the wedding, Victor being convinced the creature is going to kill him, but he kills Elizabeth – that’s a metaphor if I’ve ever seen it.
Even on the subject of grieving Clerval, Victor won’t sort his feelings, he spirals and tries so desperately to avoid them. “We had resolved not to go to London, but to cross the country to Portsmouth, and thence to embark for Havre. I preferred this plan principally because I dreaded to see again those places in which I had enjoyed a few moments of tranquillity with my beloved Clerval. I thought with horror of seeing again those persons whom we had been accustomed to visit together, and who might make inquiries concerning an event.”
I wonder what would happen if he did go through London, if he did meet those people again. Would things have turned out differently? Would he finally have been given a sense of comfort and clarity through mutual grief, as nobody so far since Henry’s death and for the rest of the book, except the creature, ironically, has grieved for Clerval except for Frankenstein. If he met people who took as fondly to Clerval as he did, at least on meeting him briefly, who would have sympathy towards Victor – would he finally have that space to grieve for him in a healthy way, to be comforted by people who at least vaguely understand a fraction of his anguish?
But he doesn’t, and instead he avoids the subject – confining himself to his union with Elizabeth, and hurting her because of that.
And even to his grave, Frankenstein doesn’t stop to consider his feelings properly, and by that I mean he doesn’t sort them with anyone, he doesn’t admit the dread he feels surrounding his family and his late wife, he doesn’t stay with Ernest and talk through things with him, bonding to his last remaining family member in his grief – instead he spirals again, chasing the monster and telling no one, except for Walton. And even then, he doesn’t discuss, he monologues – he doesn’t talk through his emotions with a trusted friend, he “tells his story” to an eager man who is mostly overwhelmingly curious, rather than genuinely concerned.
Victor Frankenstein’s biggest flaw is not that he complains. It isn’t that he’s in despair – it’s that he won’t articulate that despair properly. It’s that he avoids it and keeps it hidden out of pain, but he shouldn’t. Because the subject of that despair actively effects the people around him, and by extension, his despair actively effects the people around him. Elizabeth is left hanging by a man who doesn’t truly love her and won’t talk to her, forcing her into a marriage she doesn’t really want out of duty. The creature is cast aside and abandoned, viewed mostly by Victor as a representation of his guilt and shame, of his worst mistakes, although he expresses feeling pity for it fairly often, he still hides and shuns it, fearing it. Clerval is murdered as a representation of that hope for a better future, the one man who ever truly loved him being snatched away, and instead of standing his ground, coming to the conclusion that he won’t abide by his mother’s wishes, that he was right in his destruction of the bride, grieving Clerval with those people in London and using his death as a catalyst to not let it happen again, perhaps then meeting Walton at a later date if he chose to stay in England or otherwise by chance under different circumstances, writing to Elizabeth telling her his true feelings and confronting the creature properly, pulling a Christine Daaé there except like. Parentally instead of romantically. and showing his creation sympathy and compassion rather than just feeling it, and being open about everything; instead of that, Victor spirals, and Victor hurts everyone left.
And it’s understandable why he does – it’s realistic. The hero doesn’t always know exactly what to do and magically save the day by making all the right decisions – people don’t know what do do or how to make all the right decisions. Victor isn’t just complaining “woe-is-me” style, Victor is in genuine severe psychological torment and distress, and his actions reflect that. He is, to an extent, a victim of circumstance – and his circumstances haven’t made things easy for him. In his grief over Clerval, he’s led back to Geneva by his father instead of through London, and follows easily. He’s forced into a situation where he has to marry his cousin by his mother, since young childhood. When he tries to be assertive in what he wants, he’s punished for it every time. In real life, people don’t fix their situation easily like a superhero and pull themselves on their feet like that. They don’t get over everything that’s ever happened to them easily. They need space – and Frankenstein did not have space. If he wanted to fix his life, he would have had to actively fight for it. And he didn’t have any fight left. He didn’t want to live. He didn’t have any idea of what to do next. He didn’t see a future. Any time he tried to fight against what was expected of him, he was punished for it, so now that his life was effectively over, all he wanted to do was assign himself to the roles he was “meant” to perform, and not disappoint his family.
But it’s still a flaw, and it still hurts people. Victor was still in the wrong for what he did. For avoiding everything, for building the creature to begin with, that was Victor’s fault. But it’s understandable why he does what he does, and he’s a very sympathetic character because of that.
Me waking up to immediately write an entire Frankenstein essay I shit you not I’m still in bed finishing this I literally just woke up and started typing half asleep until I finished it (haha funny Nosferatu reference):
#rant#gothic lit#classic literature#gothic literature#frankenstein#goth lit#classic lit#frankenstein weekly#frankenstein or the modern prometheus#clervalstein#Victor Frankenstein#frankenstein the modern prometheus#the modern Prometheus
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