#venting poetry

[a-writers-garden]

time is ticking

something feels off

doors are creaking

lights went off

whispers all around you

messing with your head

auras of confusion

chains made of dread

when will i leave

this odd little world

let me out

let me out

[miseryoforpheus]

a letter to my grandmother

(dear lord me and my body insecurities. Anyway so I wrote a poem about them instead of going to sleep at a reasonable time :D. This one is not very good it is PURELY in existence for me to process and work thru shit.

oh ALSO. CW: if you have an eating disorder/ would be triggered by that type of thing. Yeah maybe give this one a skip. I don’t actually have an eating disorder but there’s a lot of heavy referencing to them and to guilt from eating and to my grandma being a little shit about weight and to some behaviour of mine that I think may be body checking but I’m not really sure…

also for the record in no way am I being or trying to be fatphobic. I’m absolutely not I promise I’m just voicing a lot of internalised stuff I have been told. So yeah I think that’s maybe it for warnings?)

like I said don’t judge it’s not a proper poem

I wish I was pretty

It doesn’t matter for anyone else 

For them I don’t care

I don’t judge

I’m not you

But I’m ugly

Clearly and markedly flawed

I have stretch marks see? There and there and my thighs touch and spread when I sit and a double chin when I look down and my belly doesn’t lie flat, it rounds slightly

Sometimes I’m scared I look pregnant 

I know I shouldn’t be

And I know I don’t

But that doesn’t make how I feel any less true 

And I wish I didn’t care, Fuck I wish that

But it matters when you tell me that I’m pretty 

Instead you tell me that I used to be pretty 

Back when I was skinny

I wish eating didn’t make me want to cry 

I wish you had never sat me down on your knee as a child and told me to be scared of gaining weight because how could anyone possibly love me if my hips curve?

I wish you didn’t make it sound so easy when you tell me about how if I just try harder I can do it

It is easy though isn’t it? 

If I just eat a little less and work out a little more

And water is fulfilling too 

And Diet Coke has no calories

If I tried

If I wasn’t as lazy

Or as weak-willed

I could do it

I want to do it sometimes

Live off ice and gum and water and sweeteners till I’m sick and pretty

It’s not so scary when you think about it enough

I’m not strong enough to though, that’s probably a good thing from an outside perspective 

Thing is I’m not on the outside and it’s not a good thing to me 

I wish you hadn’t done it to my mother too

Wish I hadn’t grown up in a house where she did tell me I was pretty

But only when I was prettier than someone else

‘You’re pretty’ she’ll tell me ‘you’re skinnier than me’

‘You’re pretty’ she’ll tell me ‘just look at how ugly that girl is’

I wish she wouldn’t tell me that if I just try harder I can do it

That if I stop tying my hair back to look like a little boy then I can do it

That if I wear the clothes she thinks I should wear

That if I wear the clothes she would wear if she had a body like mine

I wish every meal wasn’t tainted with the guilt of unfulfilled potential

I wish I wasn’t scared of mirrors and the way my skin folds when I pose in them

Or pictures where i smile and see how round my face is 

That ugly ugly smile

The squint you hoped would get trained out of me

The same one that she said made my eyes look small and my lips look thin 

She became you in a way, the other side to a rotten coin 

I’m scared I’m becoming you too

My biggest fear should not be to be like you

I love you, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t get so annoyed

It’s hard though, see? 

Because 

I wish I was pretty

And

I wish it didn’t matter

And

I wish I didn’t care

And

I wish it wasn’t your fault 

[thebutterflypoetess]

To be destroyed by your creator

From the moment I found myself in your arms for the first time, I yearn for your love.

But, as if I have sinned, you give it to me with poison. 

You caress my cheeks and kiss them gently,

staring at me with something I can't put into words.

When you pull away, it's as if the place you touched is hollowed out.

You turn your back at me and leave, as I still need more caress.

I avoid meeting your eyes, green like forest.

Your hands, gentle and soft, somehow always leave bruises after themselves.

The words of yours pour down your mouth and sink into my heart.

Am I not your little girl?

No matter what I do or say,

it is not enough for you, you want more.

Do you know how I bleed and wait for you to bandage where it hurts?

It was early in my life when I was told that with your kiss, every wound would heal.

Why do you sink your words so deep into my heart?

I've always been told you'll protect me from the world,

but who will protect me from you and the knives?

Please, do not seek my embrace under the moonlight.

Why do you set me on fire with your endless anger?

Why don't you wipe my tears off, but judge them for existing instead?

Did you not promise to be my friend forever?

Sometimes it feels like you're my biggest enemy. 

You break me apart and then expect me to pick myself back up together, all on my own.

The scars haven't yet faded, they're so noticeable on my heart.

Your smile, your whisper, your laugh -

they can't make me forget where you hurt me.

I can't allow myself to tell you secrets -

I've heard them from other rooms, whispered by other faces.

I don't want to tell you feelings -

I know you do not understand what you must understand.

I am the fruit of your pain and insecurities and weaknesses. 

I live with your stubbornness and fears.

I'm unable to fill the shoes you gave me once.

I'm falling apart and down, yet you don't take my hand to save me.

You dare say you love me, sometimes whispering sweet words,

but I do not trust them, they hurt me.

I remember, I shall not forget, the screams and the wall,

the heavy breathing and your legs.

What do you crave me to give you, so we could go back in time?

So I couldn't be hurting everywhere, so my mind couldn't be so dark?

It bleeds, everything you've touched deep inside of me.

I can hear the judgemental words in your mouth.

For you I'm weak, demanding and emotional.

But when staring at the mirror, I see your face.

Wasn't that what you intended?

To destroy what you've created?

I rely on you, I crave your warmth,

but all I get is coldness and emptiness. 

I am a bird in a cage, under your watchful eye,

you control everything you could get to.

You don't give me a choice - you always take it right under my nose.

Why do you repeat someone else's mistakes?

Don't you get what you're doing to me?

I've never been enough for you.

And because of you I seek everything elsewhere -

where I shouldn't do so -

and yet again I don't get anything, nothing is being given to me.

I'm not made for being loved gently and easily.

Ever since I remember anything, your poison burns all my being,

but I do not stop tasting it, hoping that it has changed its taste…

[fallen-ash19]

TW: VENTING

now i don’t normally do vent posts, but i wrote some venting poems, and i can’t really express my feelings any other way, so here they are below the cut

the first two belong together

[megan017]

Just finished a poem, my mood was switching between being depressed AF and confidence.

Trigger Warning: vent, mention of death

💙Music, as always💙 (YouTube link)

-🎀with English cover and subtitles🎀 (YouTube link)

Am I a bird, full of life and free?

This is all that I can think

Just to be hit by reality,

That I might be someone's property.

No, I am like a fish, to be frank.

Living in an small tank,

Invisible borders not wanting to crack

And letting me be myself.

I don't like this feeling,

It often feels so suffocating,

Or just empty, it's always changing-

Why do I question my being?

Why am I here if I can't be the one to decide

Rather I should live or just die?

My see through restraints being tied

To other people, making me cry.

Suddenly, a chain snapped

Making me turn my head

Freed from my father, I see a chance.

I must remember, there's no going back.

Because of recent events, I feel motivated

To make thoughts become real, that had me haunted.

For a very long time, I felt taunted,

It's time to do things I wanted.

I'm so not okay, but my friends keep me alive.

Found a new man to simp for :3

Gallagher, mah man💙

@animehideout 👉👈🩷

-Megan💙

[echoesoftheinfinite]

[crewof-thestarship-aurora]

Finding peace in religion, wanting to pray to ground, knowing you’re praying to a god who either doesn’t listen or doesn’t exist.

Finding peace in science. In fact. Believing what you see and can prove. Knowing it is your undoing in the end.

Finding peace but finding conflict. Not knowing what part of you to honor because it feels as though one can not exist without destroying the other.

I can not pray. And I can not prove. So I simply am lost. As I once was, and as I always will be.

[charzeewrites]

I hope I eventually forget the promises I made to keep living. Not because I want to break them, but because I hope one day I won't need them to keep going. I wish for nothing more than for living to come easily for me, for me to want it. I feel it sometimes, in those short moments when I'm sure my life has a purpose and that I'm here for something more than what I'm doing now. I just wish they were more than temporary changes in mindset and that I truly believed it. I wish I wanted this life as much as I try to convince others that I do.

[her-only-words]

On cold mornings, I miss the way your arms wrapped around me. I crave the touch of your skin against mine. The toxic and poisons you carry. That wore me down to the point of no return, vanish from my mind. For a moment you are just the man I fell for in the beginning. For a moment your fangs aren't visible.

But I know the moment I let my guard down and pretend you aren't the evil thing before me. You'll finish me off for good, and there'll be no hope of escape.

-CeMRo o6/21/24

[flowrrs4u]

and it's so deserving

[strawberrymilkwithastraw]

not to get all sad for no reason but something nobody tells you about growing up is that a part of you is just a little girl who is yelling ‘please like me please love me please tell me i am good’ at everyone you meet and most of your day is just trying to ignore her

[moony-toonss]

Simply Having "a Wonderful" Christmastime

I’ve always thought Christmas was the worst holiday.

It never resonated with me.

It never made sense to me.

The cold, depressing winter it happens in

Makes it feel like it shouldn’t be happy.

If people wanted Christmas to be happy,

It should’ve been in Summer.

Or spring.

Anything but the god forsaken winter.

Life seems to slow down in the winter,

Is that why they say we should celebrate?

Or should we cherish the moments with our loved ones

Before it’s too late.

Buying gifts for them won’t slow down their life.

It’s money wasted on things they’ll use all but once.

Life is short, and companies

Decide to make money by turning the saddest season of all

Into a Mariah Carey love fest.

They believe that money can buy happiness,

And that simply isn’t true.

Happiness comes from within,

Money has nothing to do with it.

Well, it may have a bit to do

With our happiness.

But that’s our economy.

People find happiness in vapes,

And candy,

But people, and literature, and movies

Can make you feel that way too.

Happiness isn’t limited to physical objects.

A smile from a stranger could make someone’s day.

Holding the door open,

A hug from a sibling.

These things mean more

Than some silly toy you buy at Target.

But to kids, those toys do bring happiness.

In return, their smiles fill us up.

We buy the toy for them, but we don’t

Pay attention to the toy.

We watch their reaction.

We smile when they smile.

If they’re happy,

So are we. 

Christmas is for the kids,

Yes,

But the adults are repaid with the 

Pure joy from the kids.

I guess that’s what Christmas is to me.

I’d much rather get a gift of a smile

Than a silly little toy.

A smile, I can remember forever.

Toys can break.

Memories can’t.

MM, 2023

[tortiespaw]

i miss who i once was

i yearn for times that are long forgotten memories,

times where the energy would be blinding,

a personality that was open and caring,

just wanting wishing to feel better,

better than what i once was,

better than i was now,

but now all there is left is a lump in the sheets,

hollow and void,

dim and bleak,

wondering where everything went wrong,

i wasn’t getting better,

they said i would get better,

how did everything come to this?

the energy replaced by ghosts of time,

haunting and wailing their soft cries,

their sandy clocks running on endless time,

time i felt i no longer had,

i miss who i once was,

happy on the outside even when everything knocked me down,

that hope and wonder continually brightening and building,

even when it shouldn’t have been there,

even if it was for a moment,

even if it was false,

continually hoping aching that i would get better,

they said i would get better,

i’m my own greatest enemy now,

no longer the world,

no longer those around me,

and all that there is left to thank is myself,

this is my downfall,

this is where everything becomes null,

an absolute zero sum,

i miss who i once was.

i’m sorry for who i have become.

[kimiko24]

DOG MOTIF

Are you looking for me?;I'm looking for you..

[megan017]

Have I posted this before-?

I was writing this like 5 days ago, all I remember is that,

I was crying

And words started flowing

Sadness took over my body

And I started writing.

(I came up with this right now, on spot-😀, I'm proud)

💙Randomly recommended song💙

You know you need a hug

When just the thought of it makes you cry.

Just needing someone who cares and shows it

Through action and words a few times.

Even one moment would be fine

To feel loved and cared for,

Instead of crying from the emptiness

And sadness taking over the body of yours.

Sounds so simple doesn't it?

Such a shame it's difficult to stop the suffering.

Barely believing the compliments meant towards you

Caused by trauma and overthinking.

Making things worse

Or leaving them be as they were.

Still wanting to hear more of these words,

But for what, when hearing them tastes bitter?

THE ONE AND ONLY @animehideout ,

HUGGIE HUGGIE🩷💙

-Megan💙

[echoesoftheinfinite]

Talking to those who understand you is valuable; perhaps that's why I've spent half my life talking to myself.