#venting maybe

[gl1tt3rsn0rt3r]

Random rambling, more diary entries I guess. i type way faster than I can write in my diary. Anyways...

I wish to be remembered by someone. EVERYTIME, someone I know is telling me about a memory they recall, they always say, "you weren't there." But, that's false. I know it's false because I WAS there. Yet, no one ever remembers. I am so forgettable. I remember people so well. I think about people so often. But I can never find anybody who thinks about me, the way I think about them. My heart is too full of love. I always end up hurting myself because my expectations are too high. I'm not selfish, I just wish to be thought of or remembered. I do not cross people's minds, so I infiltrate into their lives. Which causes more annoyance and hatred towards me. I always fuck myself over. I just wish to be treated like everyone else. I'm always the one who's observing. I am always forgotten.

[thesun-isinlovewith-themoon]

That urge to have someone break down your writing and maybe just MAYBE see the person who wrote those words within them. Somewhere, lost... Clinging to the words they gave meaning to. All the same maybe it is better to remain unknown. Not let my being damage the gift of meaning a reader can pull from my art more freely without ever really knowing me. It's a balancing act I think. To want so badly to be seen but the hatred of being misunderstood... Or understood perfectly and hated for the very essence of what makes someone who they are. Though that is still attention of some form and many thrive on it, many more crave it without even knowing what IT is. A void. An emptiness that nothing can really fill and we all carry with us in one form or another.

[doom-dreaming]

"when i was your age, i was working three jobs to help support my family" and "when i was in college i was sleeping on a mattress on the floor and living off of soup"

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO DO THAT. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO DO THAT. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT THIS ISN'T A CHARACTER-BUILDING LESSON, IT'S JUST BAD

[aesrot]

shout out to people who's family isnt entirely bad or entirely good, but something in between and you dont know how to feel about them. you feel angry but you also feel guilty, because you know they genuinely love and care about you, but sometimes they show it in a way you know its not okay. your feelings are valid, your anger and sadness and grief are valid, and you dont have to prove this to no one. bigger shout out to those with memory issues who know something isnt right but can't recall all of the bad events, only the feelings, which only increases the guilt.

[sleeplessv0id]

maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.

[hinamie]

sympathy for cain

[that-stone-butch]

transphobic family members are one thing but it's so hard to deal with family that are convinced they're supportive but are bumbling, misinformed, or forgetful and will still misgender/deadname you nearly as frequently, but when you call them out or ask them to try harder all of a sudden you're the bad guy. i have heard some of the most fucked up shit from 'liberal' parents using the 'correct' terminology about trans people, where what they're actually saying is deeply fucked up. like my step mom excitedly telling me she saw 'an afab man' at the market and explaining how she could tell.

'i don't want to be in a room where i will be misgendered/deadnamed/deal with transphobia' applies even if it happens 'on accident' every single time you see someone. and it's a healthy boundary to set. but good g-d some people would rather kick and scream and cry than acknowledge that they're hurting you, even unintentionally.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

who else mourning the person they could've been if they were treated kindly as a child

[tapeworrmart]

Crush my ribs

[gl1tt3rsn0rt3r]

You opened my heart up, and screamed in disgust.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Had a bit of a "community heartbreak" last week, yet another one in a life-long series (though it'd been a while), so I malfunctioned for some days, took exactly one painkiller, and then finally tried to make sense of stuff that hurt me over the years and that I kept being clueless to for a ridiculous amount of time, so that maybe, hopefully, it could save some people in cases similar to mine some confusion and hurt

[atheneum-of-you]

Truly I am becoming so sick of people treating my religion like a fun quirky irl Percy Jackson. (I've ALWAYS been sick of it but oh my gods)

This is a REAL AND ANCIENT RELIGION. These are GODS. Not your silly best friends that are just constantly chilling around you. The lack of respect towards their divinity and weird mortalization of them I've seen in some spaces (not as much on Tumblr but tiktok and SEVERAL discord servers I'm in) is so uncomfortable and angering.

The prevalence of "deity identification spreads" as if they're trying to figure out their godly parent in PJO, the constant "what god is reaching out to me?" questions I see from beginners who barely even KNOW hellenic polytheism, and the constant treatment of the Theoi as fun friends that just sit around on altars at someone's every beck and call. It's so upsetting? It's so uncomfortable?

Yes, the gods love us. Of course, they care for us. But where is the respect? Where is your kharis? How can they love you when they don't even know you? And how can you claim to love Them when you hardly know Them?

You MUST research in this religion. There are no cutting corners. You must must MUST learn. Because without understanding how sacred the practices are and their significance of them to their time and who these gods truly were, you run DANGEROUSLY close to religious and cultural appropriation.

[aroace-ed]

it is painful, sometimes, to love platonically in a way that is so rarely fully reciprocated. i really don't know how to explain the way i feel, but right now, it feels like when you're a child and you have your best friend, and they're the person you will always go to to hang out. the way you'd beg your parents for an extra five minutes to play together with random little secrets and handshakes. how you'd talk about the future and plan out how you both will live together in the same apartment and go to the same school, promising that you'll be together forever. it feels like every friend i've had grew up and found love in romance where i'm still clinging onto the same dream from childhood.

[uwuinhell]

When your identity issues collide with your feelings of being unwanted ;p

Oops! Loops angst /personal vent!

Only doodle cuz. eepy.

[polyamorouspunk]

“Ugh this person I like already has a partner!”

“Why does that matter? You’re polyam.”

Idk how to explain this to you but like 90% of the population is not and of the 10% that are like half of them are cultists.

[sunlit-mess]