#venting and negativity

[doing-downtime-hero-shit]

I know it is ok to make mistakes. I know it is ok to listen to my body and take breaks when I need to

I am also terrified I am going to get in trouble at work because I had such an awful day last shift and left early and had basically nothing done

Rly not sure what else I COULD do since I kept getting nauseous and wonky headed and stuck in the bathroom every like 20 minutes trying to wait it out

I just. Have fear and guilt. Especially since it's right before a holiday and we r gonna be busy.

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

[spookedwerewolf]

[chocodile]

👁️Sleep with one eye open👁️

[goondah]

Being aromantic isn't like being colourblind because you "have a narrower human experience 😢" or "you see the world in black and white 💔" or whatever but being aromantic is exactly like being colourblind because most people don't even know what it is and most people who think they do have the complete wrong idea. Because our society is not designed for people like us but no "allies" take our issues seriously. Because I'm still not even sure if people want us in their communities. Because whenever you tell someone you know you're going to be asked the same stupid questions. Because people in fandom love to use you as a cool quirk to add to characters without respecting what it actually means. Because my life would be marginally better if everyone spent just 5 minutes reading about it on google. But hey it's not all negative you also get a unique outlook on life and an appreciation for beauty outside the norm.

Signed, a colourblind aro

[do-angels-dream-of-starry-seas]

"Season 2s plot was so clunky and more filler and doesn't feel like s1!!" remember when s1 took a half hour break in ep 3 and took us through a fanfic slideshow of Aziraphale and Crowleys relationship through their 6000 years for pretty much no reason and quite literally everyone said it was the best part of Good Omens

[ronkeyroo]

" = 👁 ʙᴜʟʟꜱᴇʏᴇ ˊˎ - ⌖ ▹

[witchpussy42069]

Ok this is genuinely not ok anymore, I understand people are upset but it is NEVER OKAY to bully and harass someone just bc u disagree with a decision they've made.

People have been flooding the comments of Ryan Bergara's wedding photos on Instagram with hate, booing both of them and telling him she's gonna leave him when he goes broke from his stupid business decision. ITS FINE TO NOT LIKE WATCHERTV. ITS FINE TO NOT SUBSCRIBE. but it's not ok to completely dehumanize, other, and harass them. I've seen people telling Shane and Ryan to kill themselves. That is Not Fucking Okay. They are STILL HUMAN BEINGS. NOT UNTOUCHABLE 1 PERCENTERS.

I know cyberbullying and harassment is normal these days but it's not fucking okay. Hate on them all you want, genuinely criticize their decision all you want, but don't go to all their socials and send them that hate. They're human beings with feelings, and you guys need to go touch some fucking grass.

[sealsdaily]

People in comment sections on videos of seals in captivity are absolute haters when they release a seal they're like "oh yeah thanks for that it's gonna get eaten by sharks and orcas and beasts now" and when a seal is kept somewhere they're like "thats like a prison for it it should be free!" even when they say IN the video that seal is non-releasable and its overall safer and happier in humans' care

[cconfessions]

really really tired of being trans in the US & having to watch my country actively call for the genocide of my loved ones and community and just have to fucking. get up for work and pretend im fine and chill and definitely not infinitely exhausted and terrified

[doing-downtime-hero-shit]

:')

i've had it about up to here with my lack of doing things and i cant seem to make myself no matter how hard i try to or think about getting up and doing it

i need a job im scared of getting a job im scared of having to file for broke as fuck im scared to re-out myself again to get a job im scared to lose myself and my ability to socialize because of a job ive already started losing my ability to socialize because of stress and shame hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

what flavour of fucked up am i and why is it lazy

why can i not figure out how to do anything in a way that matters like i can start a million and one things but never get good at it or get mediocre or make any headway in a meaningful way eirhguoergeurg

[bitterrobin]

you, batman/batfamily fan, can you be normal about parents and their flaws without making them exaggerated abusers?

can you absorb the fact that Jack and Janet Drake were not perfect parents, but they still loved Tim? and that Tim loved them enough that he tried to tear a razor sharp boomerang out of his father's corpse with his bare hands? that the Drakes were not millionaires who forced high society values onto their son for the sake of a public image? (that they weren't even rich for that long of a time?)

can you be normal about how the deep recesses of poverty affect a family unit while allowing a parent nuance? can you write Willis Todd without making him a classist caricature of an abuser? can you write Catherine Todd and Crystal Brown without portraying their drug addictions as fodder for their children's whump? (I added in Crystal bc she canonically suffered from drug addiction, but I haven't seen much of her in fics tbh)

can you accept that as much an abuser David Cain was, he still loved Cassandra enough that he utterly fell apart when she left him? That he was genuinely astonished/proud of her when she spoke to him for the first time even as she threatened him? he still sucks majorly, but you can't deny that he loved her. that's what makes their relationship so painful.

can you be normal about Talia al Ghul? can you write her without making her an ooc rapist or child abuser or cold dragon lady? can you acknowledge that every ounce of her characterization surrounding Damian is vastly different from her original pre-Morrison personality to the extent that og Talia would never even have a child in the League?

can you pick apart when a parents portrayal is out of character, that a writer made them hit or neglect their child because above all else they exist for drama and action? that you can find DC characters who actually had traumatic childhoods instead of grafting them onto a Bat-character? (> this last sentence is mostly about Tim btw)

Exploring a character's parents and how they affected them is always interesting, but I've seen fics that genuinely steer towards character assassination rather than an exploration of events written in the comics. They exaggerate a parent's portrayal not to write about a complicated parent-child dynamic but so they can have Bruce or Jason rushing in to comfort them (yes, this is about the Tim Drake shrimp fic). Idk, I think most of my ire just stems from the fact that content about Mia Dearden or Todd Rice or Grant Emerson aren't widespread, Mia specifically always gets explored in Bat-circles as someone that just adds to Jason's character rather than analyzing her on her own, in addition to the constant hell that Talia goes through in both canon and fanon.

[headspace-hotel]

i promised myself "before I go back to school in the fall, something HAS to get better. SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER."

and i made the appointments, had the conversations, I spent hours wringing my brain out googling discussing with friends and family, thinking of SOMETHING, ANYTHING i could approach disability services about now that my previous suggestions had been shot down, and i went there with a list and i was like "hey is there ANY of this stuff you can do to help me" and basically? No

i asked "maybe i could have few extra excused absences so I can rest when i'm overloaded" but the lady was like Well we couldn't do that because you would miss the material in class

I asked "maybe i could have limited group projects so i don't have to be working on something with 4 other people every single day because social interaction is really tiring" she was like Well we can't do it if it would change the course substantially but we can ask that professors tell you if there's going to be lots of group projects so you can drop the class

I asked "maybe i can do in class writing assignments in a separate room so it will be less stressful" she was like well what if we couldn't guarantee that another room would be available where some one could monitor you

This is after the possibility of a partial course load was shot down (i could request it because of 'extenuating circumstances' but there's no guarantee it would be approved, and anyway i don't even know if it would fucking help) and several other things

Going back to school is just weighing on me crushing me. The past two semesters I have been so unrelentingly exhausted, miserable and alone. I hated my classes SO much and spent so much time crying.

All my classes are stupid busy work , just like worksheets that are like "do all these tiny little steps" that micromanage you painfully as if you can't be trusted to have your own independent thoughts" while the professor sits on their phone.

The grades are made up of a thousand tiny bullshit assignments that you have to remember at the right time, if you know the material and even care about learning it, it doesn't even matter.

I took a PLANT science class last semester that I honest to god hated so much it took all the strength in my body to even go to class. I LOATHED it and I got a C in it even though it was highschool level crap and the assignments were so restrictive that they basically punished you for being passionate about anything, I would try to be creative or dig more deeply on things and my classmates (it was always a mother fucking group project because the professor didn't want to fucking lecture, just give us something to kill time like we were fucking preschoolers) hated it because creativity or thinking outside the box would always make the assignment harder for everyone and I would fuck up the grade and it made me feel so ashamed

Same class where the professor said "you can tell this is a peer reviewed journal article because it's written in two columns along the page" like what. What. Huh. What.

There is so little flexibility too like the requirements are so specifically made to "mold" me a certain way. No one sees anything I have already learned or is interested in my potential and ability and passion and keen interest that i HAVE IN ABUNDANCE by the way, and the classes are so boring and passionless

I approached a lady in the arts department about an independent study involving natural plant fibers but she was like "no sorry i only work with seniors and you would have to take these 2 of my other classes"

There is so much more that's stupid and dysfunctional about this college that is too specific to discuss with privacy online, but let it suffice to say that it's a school that wants the reputation of being really challenging and rigorous soooooo bad but it actually just has 1000 inflexible requirements that eliminate everyone's free time and assigns metric tons of tedious busy work, because being "hard" means our academics are "rigorous" right? but the quality of the academics is not good, the classes are not engaging or encouraging you to think more deeply they are just painful.

And no one, fucking no one in these classes is engaging with the work with any energy or passion or enthusiasm, the professors can't get a discussion going, everyone is just staring like a bunch of zombies because their classes r like the equivalent of two full time jobs so of course no one can Engage Deeply with them they have no fucking energy

the food is like eating out of the garbage. they reheat the same pieces of pizza over and over until they're like dried out and leathery like something from a pharaohs tomb. they have bagels kept in a box and they're so stale you can't even bite into them. I got sour, rotten milk from the milk machine so many times my stomach eventually couldn't take drinking milk from there at all.

i hate, hate, hate, HATE that place so much i start crying every time I try to make plans for fall because there is so little fucking joy in my life when i'm there it's like being trapped underground.

[nerves-nebula]

they're friends too

[habken]

But genuinely it’s a problem the way I overwork myself. The metaphorical candle is being burnt at both ends and has been for years now, and yet I can’t get myself to relax and can’t stop taking on more than I can handle. At some point it’s going to blow up in my face and the burnout is going to be insane

[honeypleasejustkillme]

it seems impossible