#van vents

[anonymouslymadebydesign]

I thought I was over feeling shameful for feeling Little/regressed

UGH I thought I was over it

I'm a big girl , right ? Can't I get over this?

[binarystar-system]

I should literally never be allowed to front. And Vanitas should ABSOLUTELY never be allowed to co when I'm fronting. This is hell. I simultaneously want to kill bite maim murder and lie down in a ditch and die and let the moss and worms eat my body.

[biblically-accurate-dca]

doodle page that gets worse the more you look at it

[thatzombiecat]

·· Commorragh moments ·· ♫: Jakob Ahlbom - Fracture

[centopeiatimeo]

Sponje bobs

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

scott street - d. wagner

a/n: i am feeling super normal about my relationship with my dad! and i just need a little comfort right now. reminder that you aren't your parents, and step parents can be either your actual parent or the worst in the world! i would know. warnings: big angst, huge. reader and danny sneak off to fuck, and then again at the end of the fic, domestic abuse, divorced parents, step parents, neglect and trauma, cursing, uhhhh yknow. daddy issues, but i hate that term bc of tiktok, enjoy ! word count: 3.1k summary: he's your danny, even while putting the pieces back together. paring: danny wagner x fiance!gn!reader now playing: scott street - phoebe bridgers "do you feel ashamed/when you hear my name?"

It happened before your mom got remarried. You were back from school on summer vacation, after your stepdad helped you move out for the summer. It had been the end of your freshman year.

For weeks, you tried to convince your dad to help move you out, begging him to be somewhat active in your life. He hadn’t seen you since winter break, and that was only because you had to go over to his house. Because your brother begged you to give him a shot. But this time, he refused to help you move out. You don’t go to college that far from home, but he tells you he wants to save himself the trip if you’re just going to be home a few days later.

You don’t even have to ask your stepdad. He offers.

And this is what makes it not a big deal when he buys a car decal from your campus bookstore. It has your school’s logo, and says the name of your school, with ‘Dad’ next to it. You laugh and talk your whole trip home, and it doesn’t seem that deep. I mean, your dad has neglected you for years, treating you like a toy on a shelf, and you don’t even have to ask your stepdad if you can grab a snack for the trip home.

It’s just easier for you to be around him, and he really acts the way a father should. He isn’t even married to your mom yet, and you feel this great swell of love for this man, knowing that he’d be the one to be there without hesitation.

Your brother manages to convince you to go with him to get dinner with your dad a few days into your trip. In a few days, you’ll have people over. Your extended family, your brothers’ friends, and your friends from high school.

Well, your friend. Sam can’t make it; he’s having a root canal done.

But Danny will be there. Your Danny. Being in college hadn’t been enough to push aside your crush on your best friend. You suspected the summer would probably make that even more difficult. But you hadn’t seen him in a few months, and you missed him desperately. You focus on him to get you through the dinner from hell.

Your dad picks you up from your moms, your stepdad not yet home. You sit awkwardly in the front seat, anxious for a reason you can’t quite put a finger on.

But really, dinner goes sort of well. You push through the awkwardness of it all, and it’s not that bad.

Until he pulls into your driveway to drop you off. He sees the sticker on your stepdad’s car and starts screaming at you.

You scoff, telling him you find it rich that he’s making comments about your mom’s boyfriend when he let his wife absolutely torment you and your brother for years.

Before you can blink, he grabs you by the hair and smashes your face against the dashboard. He’s still screaming at you when you come to about ten seconds later. Your brother is screaming too, telling your dad to stop, and he’s pulling you out of the car. Blood runs down your face, staining a shirt you got from Danny. It makes you start to sob as you run into your house. You hear the slamming of car doors, and your brother follows you quickly, holding your bag and sweatshirt.

Your mom swears she’ll kill him, but you keep crying. You’re too sad to be angry. But you decide right then and there, you’re done with him.

When you go to the ER, they tell you that your nose is broken. They set it back into place and bandage it up, telling you to take it easy for a few days.

When you see Danny a few days later, he’s immediately concerned.

He holds your face gently, asking you what happened. You’re tired of explaining it to everyone.

“My dad. He banged my head into a dashboard a few days ago. Broke it.” You sighed. You see him tense.

“I’ll fucking kill him.”

“You’ll have to get in line.” You tell him. You take a sip of your beer. You move on from the subject quickly, asking how he’s been, what he’s been up to. He tells you that the band he had joined with the Kiszka’s is starting to pick up. You’re thrilled for him.

It’s hard to stay away from your attraction.

The night goes by smoothly, until there’s a knock on your front door. Your mom goes to answer it, and after a few minutes, she calls you over. Your dad stands there. He has a pile of papers in his hands.

“What do you want?” You ask, putting down your drink. He looks past you. Danny leans against the doorway to the hallway. You don’t ask him to leave.

“To give you these. I’m signing over my parental rights.” He tells you. It hurts more than the broken nose. You stay quiet. Inside you, you feel the ghost of your ten-year-old self screaming for her daddy, telling him to take it back. But you take the paper, and see he’s already signed and notarized them. “It’s been a long time coming.” You laugh, biting back tears.

“Fuck you. Get out of my fucking house, I don’t want you here.” You tell him, angry now. You want to yell, because he waited until three weeks before you turned eighteen to do this. It’s an extra punch to the gut.

“No more Christmases, no more birthdays, no more support, other than what’s mandated by the court.”

“Go to hell! You were never there for any of that shit!” You tell him. He just stares. “You broke my nose, if you care.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you, but I need to do what’s best for us.”

“Have a good fucking life.” You slam the door in his face. You ignore your mom’s gaze. You ignore Danny’s. You start to cry as you walk quickly through the house, dodging your family members. You make it outside to your backyard, where sobs rack your body. Someone says your name from behind you, and you know who it is.

You let Danny hug you, hold you, as you cry.  You cry for a long time, and he stays just like that, refusing to let you go. When you finally calm down, you’re laying your head on him when you ask him a question, and it breaks his heart into a million little pieces.

“Why doesn’t he want me?”

He just hushes you softly. But, you want an answer. You demand it of him, and he gives you one.

“Because he’s a fucking moron. You’re the best, you’re kind, and gorgeous, and fucking funny. You make me laugh constantly, and for so long you’re going to date men who remind you of him, because you’ll long for his love. But he doesn’t deserve your love. And what he does… That isn’t love. One day you are going to meet someone who never questions why you don’t talk to him, and they will be his exact opposite. You deserve that type of love.” He tells you.

You just look at him for a few minutes. Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s the pain.

You kiss him. It lasts a few moments, and he kisses back. Then he’s pulling away, mumbling no…

No?

“We can’t. You’re drunk, you’re upset. I won’t kiss you just because you’re sad. I’ll kiss you when the time is right and you’re happy. I’ll kiss you when I know we’re both ready and in love.” He tells you. You feel betrayed. You know, somewhere deep down, that he’s right. That you both deserve a first kiss that isn’t full of angst and drama.

But you’re angry. Angry at your dad. Angry at Danny. Angry at yourself. Angry at God, who you haven’t prayed to since you were nine. You pull away from him, wiping tears that remain on your face.

“I think you should go.” You say softly. He knows you don’t mean it. But he respects your wish.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He tells you. “Don’t be a stranger.”

He leaves, and for a second time that night, you’re crushed that a man has left you despite telling him to go.

It’s been five years since that day. You’ve graduated college, and you spend most of your days waiting for Danny to get home from the studio or from a tour.

He finally kissed you again when you graduated college, promising to never let you go ever again. Promising to never let any other shit for brains guy hurt you because you wanted to be loved. He promises to hold your hand while you put yourself back together. He never insists on doing it for you, but he always supports you.  

You’ve been in therapy for a long time, and most days, you don’t think about your dad. You have your mom and stepdad. But somedays, it hurts. And it doesn’t hurt you, it hurts that same ten-year old who lives inside you.

But you ignore it. You focus on your career, your life, your boyfriend.

And one day, a few months before your brother’s wedding, he asks you to marry him. You say yes. It seems so natural; you’ve only been dating for just under two years, but you’ve been in love for as long as you can remember.

You love being engaged. You love thinking about him as your future husband. For you, there are few questions about the wedding. You’ll get married in early fall, you’ll have your mom walk you down the aisle, you’ll have red velvet cake, and Josh will sing your first dance song as well as officiate.

All these things seem very natural to you.

They’re not as easily answered as your brother. When his fiancé got pregnant right before your engagement to Danny, he began questioning whether he’d have your dad there. You couldn’t say you didn’t understand it. There were times you considered reaching out. And with a kid on the way, you knew why he would want his dad in his life again.

It doesn’t stop you from booking an emergency session with your therapist when he tells you he’s coming to the wedding.

He won’t be part of the wedding party, and he’ll have no part in any speeches or traditions. He’ll just be there to support your brother and his wife. You’ll barely notice him; Danny reassures you of this time and time again.

The wedding went well. You focus on your brother and his wife, your sister-in-law. You’re so proud of him. Danny watches you the whole time. He thinks about how you’ll look at the alter of your own wedding, and he melts a little at the thought. Your engagement ring looks lovely with the flowers your sister-in-law picked out.

During the cocktail hour, in between the reception and the ceremony, he can barely keep his hands off you. He’s pulling you out of the crowd, kissing you against the walls, telling you how pretty you are. You don’t really think about your dad.

You sneak off with him, and he takes you into a nearby empty room. An employee from the venue almost walks in on the two of you. You can’t stop laughing. You tell him you love him again and again. There’s something about someone so close to you getting married that thrills you in preparation for your own wedding.

You sit with your mom, stepdad, and your sister in law’s immediate family. Danny holds your hand as your sister-in-law’s sister makes her maid of honor speech. You make a speech too, your brother dubbing you his best man, regardless of your gender. Your sister-in-law dances with her dad. Your brother dances with your mom.

Your stepdad asks to dance with you to Goodnight My Angel, by Billy Joel. You oblige. While dancing, you tearfully ask him to dance with you to it at your own wedding. He agrees, happily. The photographer takes a photo of you during the dance.

And that’s the last time during the night that you’re truly sober, and you spend the rest of your night dancing with your mom, and with your fiancé. You love calling him that. You slow dance to your favorite songs, and that night, you decide your first dance song will be a Loggins & Messina song.

You’re getting a drink at the bar when he finally says something to you. Your father. His first words to you are as follows:

“I saw you dancing with him. To that song.” You laugh spitefully.

“With Danny? Yeah, I’m gonna dance with him, he’s my—”

“No. With your stepfather. Why would you disrespect me like that?”

“You left. You abandoned me. You wanted nothing to do with me. You have no right to comment on my relationship with my stepdad.”

He stands up to face you.

“You were disrespectful. Rude. Horrible. Out of control, I couldn’t deal with you!” You glare.

“You’re so full of shit. He was always more of a dad to me than you were.” You can tell he’s ready to hit you, but you feel a hand on your arm from behind. Your head whips to see Danny. Your shoulders slump. You’re immediately calmer. Your other hand goes up to lay on his hand, where his thumb is gently rubbing your forearm. It’s then that your father sees your engagement ring. You go to say something, but he cuts you off.

“Engaged?” You realize he didn’t know.

“Yeah. You remember Danny.” Your fiancé says nothing.

“Of course, I do. You always were in love with him.” It almost makes you smile, the way your dad remembered your crush on him. But you just as quickly remember when he called you a slut for having two boyfriends in a year. You just as quickly remember him leaving you and your brother for hours, days, at home with your stepmom who refused to let you eat any food. You just as quickly remember the pain from the broken nose, and the worse pain of him showing up at your door to sign away his parental rights.

“Yeah. I always was.” You grab your drink and take Danny’s hand properly now. “Have a good night.” You tell him, and you lead Danny away from him, leaving your father at the bar, where he was always meant to end up.

Danny says your name, asking you softly, “Are you okay?” You let out a shaky breath, taking a sip of your drink. Tears brim your eyes.

“I love you, Danny.” You tell him weakly. He can tell that that’s a no. He guides you away from the party, this time to not make love with you, but to comfort you. Tears run down your face as you lean against the wall in the hallway, feeling the thump-thump of the music from the party. He frowns and wipes your tears, shaking his head. “I thought seeing him wouldn’t hurt anymore.” You say quietly.

Sometimes the child that yearns for your father slips out. You can’t keep them inside in this moment.

“I know, baby.” He says gently. “…Do you want to talk to him more after this? Invite him to the wedding?” He isn’t coercing you, isn’t forcing you to. He’s only laying out your options.

“No.” you tell him. “I don’t need him. I’ve got you. I’ve got mom. I have Mark, and my father be damned, I have a fucking dad. Not that asshole. I have a dad, and it isn’t him.” You tell him. Danny nods.

“You have grown into an amazing young adult. I’ve been in love with you for so long, and I am so proud of you. You’ve grown so much, and you’ve made yourself a damn good life.” He tells you.

“Damn good.” You confirm, your voice breaking.

“Damn good. You’re right. He’s not your dad. Dads don’t do the things he’s done to you. He might be your father, but he isn’t your dad. And it’s okay to miss him, but you have an amazing life without him. And we’re gonna get married. And we’re never going to make his mistakes. You are nothing like him. We’ll get hitched, and have sex every night, and we’ll die in our nineties after a long life of Rock n Roll, Sex, and love. We’ll dance to Loggins and Messina at your wedding, our kids will call Patrick ‘pop’ and he’ll never have a second of your life.” He tells you. You kiss him gently, unable to form the words to tell him how much that means to you. When he stops kissing you, just for a second, he tells you, “We’ll make a new home, with just the two of us. We’ll host holidays, and you’ll never cry on Christmas again.” He tells you.

His words heal something in you. He won’t let you be hurt by your father ever again. The war is over, and now you’ll try to heal, try to move on.

Danny wipes your tears and asks you to come dance with him. You oblige. You dance through the night and focus on your future.

And it’s just as your fiancé describes. You get married. You dance to ‘A Love Song’ by Loggins and Messina, sung by your officiant, Josh.

Sam is Danny’s best man, and your brother is your maid of honor.

You dance with your stepdad to that Billy Joel song.

On Christmases, Danny kisses you under the mistletoe and holds you close.

He’s nothing but romantic and good to you.

On Father’s Day, a particularly hard holiday for you, he brings you home a cake before you go out for dinner with your mom, stepdad, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew.

It’s white, and has small hearts all over it, and in red frosting, it reads, ‘You can’t choose your father, but you can choose your daddy.’ It makes you laugh, and you ruin your hair and ruffle your clothes making love before you leave for dinner.

That night before he goes to bed, he kisses you and tells you that he loves you. That he can’t wait to live the rest of his life with you.

It takes you a long time to fall asleep, thinking about your dad, your Danny, and your stepdad. You wonder if you’ll ever have the courage to have children, out of fear of fucking them up like your dad did with you. You wonder if Danny and you really will live a long, happy, sexually vast life. You realize he is your soulmate, and that he’ll always be your husband.

You decide you’ll be alright.

[kattythingz]

Hot take but Ed's crippling daddy issues and his trigger-happy attitude around older male figures in his life are completely valid and make a lot more sense when you, too, have crippling daddy/mommy issues

Stop forcing Ed to forgive Hohenheim 2024 :) Please :))

[incorrect-soc]

K so this isn't related to SoC (not entirely) but N*tfl*x canceled Lockwood and Co. bc apparently it didn't hit the target of views as to get renewed, which is bullshit since it was n1 on A LOT of countries. So, in light of literally every show that's not abt horny teenagers with pick-me problems, getting canceled after one season, regardless of how they do in the charts; I don't wanna be nihilistic but there's a high probability of, not only Shadow and Bone being canceled, but also of not getting the Six of Crows spin-off, and it's fucking depressing

[sagita-lxx]

I've missed doing art so much.

I love putting little bits of my self into it.

it's always such a sacred thing for me.

it feels like praying, or leaving gifts at an altar.

I love seeing fragments of my potential.

I hope I can leave all my work as my legacy after I die.

[yallemagne]

Continuing from yesterday. Van Helsing's repeated insistence that they made The Right Choice! is entirely for the sake of stroking the men's egos.

"So far," he said, "our night has been eminently successful. No harm has come to us such as I feared might be and yet we have ascertained how many boxes are missing. More than all do I rejoice that this, our first—and perhaps our most difficult and dangerous—step has been accomplished without the bringing thereinto our most sweet Madam Mina or troubling her waking or sleeping thoughts with sights and sounds and smells of horror which she might never forget."

It's just so obviously for the men's sake over Mina's!! Now, you may say "hey bastard! he's expressing concern for Mina here! what do you mean?" I'll tell you what I mean. This first and perhaps most difficult and dangerous step had no need to be so difficult and dangerous. What keeps them from breaking into the house in the daytime? Nothing, you'll see that it's nothing. VH agreed to Quincey's insistence they act at night because this presents another opportunity to whack his sexist message into their skulls:

"See! You are all shaken and put off by the dilapidated building, but just think how poor weak feeble Madam Mina would suffer had we brought her along!"

Her alleged weakness is leveraged to make the men feel all the stronger for braving a fucking haunted house.

The trauma that VH claims Mina would suffer for the rest of her life if she so much as heard a peep of their manly work is the trauma that Jonathan already suffers. "But he's cured, right?" Not how PTSD works. He was relieved to finally understand that his experiences were real, but that was only the first step to recovery. Imagine how Jonathan feels being told that if he is honest with his wife, she will become like him but with possibly no chance of recovery! After all, she is a woman and he is a man.

"So I shall go, if I may, and cheer myself with a few happy words with that sweet soul Madam Mina. Friend John, it does rejoice me unspeakable that she is no more to be pained, no more to be worried with our terrible things. Though we shall much miss her help, it is better so."

Mina is being kept here. To play fucking cheerleader for this old man. He is keeping her close so he can go to her for comfort, for reassurance that he isn't a thick-headed Dutchman like Renfield said. You are a thick-headed Dutchman, VH. It is not about her safety! She'd be sent home if that were the case! No, it's about tradition! It's about chivalry!

"I agree with you with all my heart," I answered earnestly, for I did not want him to weaken in this matter. "Mrs. Harker is better out of it. Things are quite bad enough for us, all men of the world, and who have been in many tight places in our time; but it is no place for a woman, and if she had remained in touch with the affair, it would in time infallibly have wrecked her."

Jack, I will kill you. I'm going to "infallibly wreck" you, you bastard. VH and Jack's repeated insistence on defending this stupid decision is unlike Jonathan's attempts to convince himself that he agreed to the right thing because oh no, they are not uncertain at all. They are patting themselves on the backs. They are Mrs. Westenra gloating about throwing out the garlic flowers. "I did not want him to weaken in this matter." Please, Jack, I would like him to weaken in this matter. These two only make each other worse, someone please separate them indefinitely.

[anonymouslymadebydesign]

I think I'm still heart broken, i miss my friend... ugh, i wish i could move past this

I wish i could move on. I still read their stories but fuck me i just

I wanna know what i did wrong. I miss them. I wanna know what i did wrong

[binarystar-system]

Hey! We're the binary star system, nice to meet you! We do have names (most of which are based on plants), but some of us are going to be going by colors here instead because, well, they want to. Here's a short intro to everyone (below a readmore for ease of scrolling), including everyone's tags

Anything pertaining to the whole system will be tagged as #system maintenance

Green: he/him and the "main" host. Tag: green beans

Blue: he/her and the other host. Green's binary "twin". Tag: why so blue

Red: she/he/they. Youngest system member, age around 16. Tag: reds rambles

Lavender: he/she/they/it/lavenderself. A literal ghost. Red's partner. Tag: smells like lavender

Cam: she/her. Doesn't like to come out often. Mom friend. Tag: camellia blooms

Fennel: it/it's. Tag: fennel seeds

Ven: he/him. Sleepy boy, always, but also the big brother. Tag: venti mocha frappe

Van: he/him. Self described angry punk bitch. Tag: van vents

Sora: he/her. Ball of sunshine, and also "the stupid one". Tag: sora's misadventures

Riku: he/they. Sora's partner. Quiet but will stick up for the system. Tag: Riku rambles

Rox: he/him. Just a guy who likes playing rhythm games. Tag: pop rox

Zel: she/him. Likes science and asking the most out of pocket questions. Tag: zel scribbles

[gonerface]

Having this intense urge to flee, to run away, to break something or rip yourself to shreds that you can just feel flowing through your body is driving me insane right now

[sidewalk-cracks]

I think it's stupid that Hohenhiem supposedly left his family to research ways to defeat Father, and yet every time we saw him off on his own he's sleeping in the dirt and begging for scraps. Dude's a human philosopher's stone, he could've at least gotten a friggin job.

So, now consider a crack au where Hohenhiem, under an alias, somehow manages to become a State Alchemist, and gets plunked in East City. I'm picturing vaguely The Office-like shenanigans between him, Ed, Al, Roy, and all the other notable military characters at the east command center. Roy is about six times more exhausted than he was before he discovered the new alchemist assigned under him is Fullmetal's deadbeat dad. Rumors are flying. Word is the Fullmetal Alchemist started a fistfight with a brand new recruit (who's apparently an alchemist!) in the mess hall. Hughes calls Roy a couple days later and sounds like he's caught between being concerned and laughing up a storm.

[aboutl0ve]

[fluffykittyscientist]

If I have to be honest, I feel like I'm losing myself. Like I'm not me anymore.

For so many years, I've been defined by my social anxiety. Going somewhere on my own has been a problem. But currently, it feels more like past tense.

It's only my second week of university, and yet I'm already going there alone. I board a train, I board a bus without a second thought, without hesitation. No "what will happen if".

And that just isn't me. That wasn't me. I learned too quickly to be independent in this commuting. What happened? Why am I suddenly so comfortable?

I'm worried I'm not me anymore.