#vampire shitpost

[hereissomething]

>be peter

>walk outside for a smoke and see this

>turn back around and go directly to bed

[vampyre-kin]

Vampires crave blood and want to drink from a partner and nobody bats an eye... but say you wanna eat out while they're on their period and society... SOCIETY calls you WEIRD

[island-in-the-shadows]

Alice Theory A: Alice never existed, she was Armand the whole time. (And Daniel's daughters are from his other marriage.)

Alice Theory B: Alice did exist but some of Daniel's memories of her are mixed with memories that were of Armand because there was mindfuckery afoot.

Alice Theory C: Viewer loses all sense of sanity, pours over all the inconsistencies when Alice is mentioned and when Daniel's past is mentioned, wonders why the second wife is never mentioned but Alice is, creates Pepe Silvia board on wall to try to make sense of it, takes up shitty coping habit because the madness of wondering what the fuck any of it means and what a possible truth is is consuming your every waking thought, friends and family think you look twitchy, you add more to your Pepe Silvia board, you wonder how you're going to make it through episode 5 and indulge in your unhealthy coping mechanism, you re-read Devil's Minion and wonder if there's clues there, you think you spot a clue but you also think that's the madness talking, you rant out loud to anyone who will listen, you wonder if you should follow Alice down the rabbit hole because it's your merry unbirthday anyway...

[me-and-the-devils-minion]

Fake vampire fangs and spit are thrown out of my mouth at an alarming velocity as I say I will thuck your blood

[miley-adhd-space]

What if there is an alternative universe where Quincey Morris becomes the famous vampire hunter instead of Van Helsing. And there everyone associates cowboys with vampire hunting. Werewolves are no longer viewed as vampire rivals, cowboys taking their place

[carmillababyy]

carmilla: you are mine, you shall be mine, you and i are one forever *dramatically sobbing*

laura: do i remind you of a cousin, perhaps??

laura you dumb fucking lesbian she’s in love with you jfc

[bean-cookies]

Me: Ugh stupid vampire simps, smh 😞 Also me when playing dnd: She can bite me all she wants 👉👈 Also me when playing bg3: He can bite me all he wants 👉👈

[wispcherry]

If I ever become a cable guy or go for other door-to-door careers, I'll start asking people to invite me in around mid-october. you want your tv? give me your blood

[sangaverage]

Vampire whenever they see a bat: *starts chanting* One of us! One of Us!

Other person: You know that's a normal bat right?

Vampire: I know but one can dream!

[hereissomething]

save me lorrimer, lorrimer save m- oh.

shitpost collab with @orgyofthedamned

[sangaverage]

Calm down there, Vlad the impailer.

[spicychickenfingerings]

[mossycakes]

teenager gets peer pressured into vampirism

[eternallyamata]

Okay but if I ever became a vampire you can bet your ass I'd dress in historical clothing even though I'd been turned less than a year ago, simply to confuse everyone who learnt of my vampirism

[kneedeepinthecoffin]

[loo-nuh-tik]