#val lore fact of the day

[ddlockk]

Here's a fixed rail gun!!

The quotations around the username are important!!

Happy booping!!

let boopRailGun = async (who, howMany) => { const sleep = (t) => new Promise(resolve => setTimeout(resolve, t));const boop = async (who) => { return window.tumblr.apiFetch("/v2/boop", { body: { receiver: who, context: "post", type: "normal" }, method: "POST", }); }; for (let i = 0; i < howMany; i++) { await boop(who); await sleep(1000); // Wait 1 second between each boop }

};

// Call the function to boop your buddy as many times as you want! times boopRailGun("username", boop amount);

anyone remember the boop railgun

[d3pressed-caffiene-addict]

Hazbin Hotel Ep 5&6 Oh My God (Major Spoilers)

I am having so many thoughts, this is just a brain dump

-LUCIFER. He’s so pathetic I love him

-Jeremy Jordan you fucking legend. I’m a big fan of a lot of his work and was excited to see him in this but I was slightly unsure if he was the right casting since I expected Lucifer to be more of a high and mighty/snobby figure, but with the way they characterised him HE IS PERFECT.

-“TAKE THAT DEPRESSION”

-The Lucifer vs Alastor rivalry is beautiful

-“Ha ha, fuck you.”

-Father figure Alastor

-HIS EARS GO BACK LIKE A CAT WHEN HES ANGRY I CANT

-MIMZY’S ARRIVAL. I know most of us know the lore about her and Alastor being developed as a couple before it was scrapped but I really like how they are in the show

-Even if it’s just crumbs I’m so excited to be getting snippets of Alastor’s lore. It’s wild to keep going back and forth between “aw he actually cares for and protects his friends” and “oh my god he’s a fucking psycho”

-Speaking of that the scene with Husk holy shit. Poor man looked terrified

-The confirmation that Alastor’s also stuck working for someone, it has to be Lilith surely. I know some people will call it predictable because a lot of theories are coming true but personally I think it’s from good worldbuilding/foreshadowing

-ALASTOR IN FULL DEMON FORM JUST ANNIHILATING EVERYONE and then he just goes “Ah that was fun, now back to it”

-I kinda like the parallel between Al and Mimzy & Angel and Cherri where they invite their friends to join them if they want to, even if neither of them take it up initially maybe we’ll see them join the hotel in the future?

-BABY CHARLIE

-I really expected Lucifer to be a dickhead and a shitty dad, but he seems to be an overall better guy than most people in hell

-CHERRI BOMB ARRIVAL! And she’s Aussie now fuck yeah represent

-I still love her and Angel’s friendship even if she is a terrible influence. Everyone’s got that friend who’s solution to a bad day is just self-destruction but they mean well at least

-DARREN CHRIS TOO, THE MUSICAL THEATRE/BROADWAY ACTOR CASTING IS STACKED

-Emily is so sweet I love her

-The Molly cameo is so sweet, I was waiting for her to appear somewhere but lowkey forgot she was in heaven. Honestly though how did she get there when the rest of her and Angel’s family got condemned for what they did together? Maybe she left the mob or something idk I just hope we get to meet her properly at some point

-Heaven’s real fucked up? Yeah not shocked

-VAGGIE?? FALLEN ANGEL REVEAL?? AND SHE WAS AN EXTERMINATOR???? I know most of us called it but holy shit I didn’t expect it to be confirmed this soon

-Adam is such a dick but he’s so much fun

-I love that Charlie was gonna start her court presentation with definitions like a high school essay

-“Consent is a good name for a sex club” the gentleman Husk truthers gonna have fun with this one

-Pentious hitting on Cherri is hilarious and totally not the same level of subtlety I flirt with when I’m drunk

-Hearing more and more about how Val treats Angel is so sad especially with how casually he talks about it since it’s just another day for him

-Him parenting drunk Nifty is beautiful

-“You wanna play with the kitty?”

-Valentino is my #1 enemy

-Seeing Angel stand up to him to protect his friends is making me feel feelings. Like he knows that he’s gonna be treated even worse for it but I think he’s reaching his tipping point and shits gonna go down soon

-Also I know there’s a popular theory that he’s gonna die soon and a lot of the theories are coming true so I am scared. I kind of don’t think this one’ll happen though since he’s the fan favourite and its just too soon to take that much of a risk. Plus Vivsie’s admitted he’s the best written character and it’d be such a waste of all that development

-More sweet moments between him and Husk, they’ve gotten me so invested in this ship so fast

-The fact that most of heaven didn’t know about the extermination?? Wild

-Idk how I feel about the timeskip between Ep 4&5, they’re only a month away from the extermination now. Yes it’s making the stakes feel higher but I do wish we’d been able to see more of that time for the relationship development, all the characters seem much closer than before and we’ve only seen bits of how they got there

-I really wish they’d greenlit more than 8 episodes to pace things a little better but I’m glad we have season 2 confirmed

-That last minute ‘reveal Vaggie’s past to Charlie, boot them out of heaven and then cut to credits before she can react’ is gonna torture me until next week

-I don’t disagree with past criticism that Vivzie’s female characters can feel a bit underwritten but I think it’s getting better

-“We’re coming to the hotel first” plus all the theories that someone’s gonna die are fucking stressing me out man

Anyway hope you enjoy the brain dump, this show has once again consumed my thoughts

[rinnntastic]

Boothill fun fact of the day from a history minor with a Wild West hyper-fixation 😛

I’m nearly 100% positive he was named after “Boot Hill” which was a name used throughout the west for cemeteries that would mostly contain cowboys who “died with their boots on” (aka cowboys who died violently). One of the more famous Boot Hills was in Tombstone, Arizona, which was where the O.K. Corral shootout took place. This shootout is particularly famous; it lasted around one minute and was between the law (the Earp brothers and Doc Holiday) and a group of cowboys. The name of the cemetery is actually shown in the film “Tombstone”! Highly recommend watching it because Val Kilmer looked hot asf playing Doc Holiday 😭 maybe his name is a precursor for something that might happen to him or maybe it’s related to his lore🤨hmmm

Anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk, after re-reading this I realized I’m a major loser with too much time on my hands! If I don’t pull Boothill I’ll seriously start tweaking 😻

[katyspersonal]

I did not address this but back then when I was debating a certain tech device utilized for making smoothies who thought it was a good idea to jump on a lore post by Val on topic of Marika with a bunch of incorrect stuff, as there were like 50 more pressing topics to address, but I will say NOW hfnhghfh

They said that Marika was a good mother who at least tried to heal Malenia's Rot, based on the fact that we can find Marika's Soreseal in Ephael in a chest in that annoying area with like four Royal Revenants! I really still don't get it to this day, because this item's description straight up refers to the burden of duty (not unlike dreaded "caged divinity" apparently), but alright. Let's think, the eye seal items got recontextualized a bit with Messmer's eye seal, which did contain Base Serpent, so what they're saying, Marika tried to stall Rot like that when Malenia still had eyes and before Unalloyed Gold was invented.

....well, there is ALSO Marika's Scarseal gatekept behind a Dragonkin Soldier. So then what? What was she presumably trying to heal that guy from? From trying to be a dragon? Bro spent a moment explaining how Marika liked dragons by allowing Godwyn to befriend one! Okay, whatever. Radagon's Scarseal is dropped by an imprisoned Ancient Hero of Zamor! Well, why is that? What was it supposed to help with? Do you say that Zamor like maybe caught the Giants Flame curse too, so he tried to help with it? Okay, his Soreseal is found in Fort Faroth! By their own logic, seal of grace being found in Demigod-associated place means connection, and the only fit one is Radahn! What was he trying to help Radahn with, then? Being too horny for the battle? How far can this logic be pushed?

No, no, no, don't tell me that HIS seals have negative context on the contrary! You clearly recontextualized them as a concept because of Messmer, so they have identical function of sealing now, only different buffs! Except, they did try to prove Radagon being a bad father based on the fact that he only taught Miquella offensive spells and not healing ones! Even though not only one of all two Golden Order Fundamentalism incantations, that the two founded together, specifically has negative status effect healing, but also I'd argue it is a good call to teach the weakest (physically) kid how to fight for himself in case if his sister can't be near!

But also, there is an even bigger picture. The whole "Marika was such a good mother" coming from that doesn't sit right with me because Miquella literally spends the whole DLC severing his connection with the family, motivated by the fact that he is so ashamed of bearing his mother's sins! There is a difference between abandoning link to his father because attempts to heal his sister failed and abandoning link to his mother because "the roots were rotten"! So, do we not consider Miquella's opinions as objective insight on his parents? But this person earlier used Messmer's feelings as evidence towards Marika being good! So, what exactly determines which character is trusted to be a window into another character and which isn't?

[skeletoninthemelonland]

It's never too late for improvement! I love both Hunter and Beatrix, but personally I think Beatrix is my favourite.

She is such a deep character: the details you gave us about her backstory, her character and how she grew as one are just absolutely wonderful and so well done.

The fact that I love about her it's probably her saddest one: that she was given a mind and a body against her will and had to forcefully live like that. I'd really like to see more about her earlier days where she struggled more because of that. Not because I like to see her suffer ofc HAHAHAHAH But because I think that would be very interesting to see how she grew from that to the B2 we all know and love now :) (and because that gives me more than one reason to hug her and caress her head UEUEUEUE)

I'd also really love to see more about her and Val! God, those draws of them are stuck in my mind, I love duos like them GNFJFNFJDBF

About her and Hunter- GAAAH LLEEEHHFBFJDNFIEJ I love them and I'd really want them to be together, but maybe it's better in another universe where he hasn't done all that stuff :'') (I was too late to vote on the poll that said to forgive him or not, but I would've said no. Yeah I wouldn't hate him for the rest of my life because, as sad as it is it's the past so "it is what it is", but still I'd never forgive him for what he did)

But as I said, don't put yourself down like that. It's never too late to give us a new image of Beatrix and to give us more about her character and the rest of the story! I think that whatever you gave us until now is already so BBBBBBBEAUTIFUL, so I'm really curious about what you will give us in the future about that IDBFJSBFJSBHDE

But take your time and take care Starbs! 💖💖💖

Ahh i'm glad to hear about your point of view on Bee. Maybe I was overthinking a lot these past few days because I couldn't draw Fusionsprunt comics. Turns out I was basically forcing myself to make art for every bit of lore shared... I'll try my best not to do it again and simply post some bits of lore here and there.

There's honestly so much about being given a body and mind against your will, and it's not the first time these themes have been explored (IHNMAIMS for example, like you mentioned!). I was afraid B2's character was pushed aside because Hunter was getting more attention, despite the fact he is not the main character. It was upsetting at first, because I'm very attached to her. I'd like to give both of these two some time to shine. They have a lot of stories to tell (and many battles to fight).

Thank you for your ask! This made me feel a little bit more relieved.

[discet]

What if Anne didn't leave and stayed with Marcy and the Planters? What would Marcy and Anne relationship be like? What would the trios relationship be like? And what new events would happen and how other events would change? Anyway I hope you have a nice day!

Oh interesting.

I think honestly as bad as Anne bailing was on Marcy, Anne needed that time away to calm down. In a more ideal world she would have at least talked to her about needing distance and the two could have made plans to meet up again. But as for the question at hand:

What if Anne didn't leave and stayed with Marcy and the Planters?What would Marcy and Anne relationship be like?

Cause otherwise. Ho boy. I think a lot of the road trip arc would have been as awkward as it would be unpleasant. Cause Anne hasn't had her canon season 1 arc where she has matured. Like imagining Sasha and Anne's canon dynamic in season two, but more simmering tension instead of outright hostility.

A snapshot of their dynamic in an example episode would be something like:

Anne making some sniping comment. Marcy getting hurt but just accepting that she deserved it. Anne regretting her words but not being able to apologize due to how she was hurt.

I think ultimately the two would work through it as friends but probably not stay dating by the end of it. They'd have a few episodes where they work throughsome of their issues

What would the trios relationship be like? And what new events would happen and how other events would change?

This I think is where this ask gets really interesting. Cause I think Marcy would probably have never sent her letter to Sasha. In the story as is she writes and sends the letter to Sasha without input from the Plantars. But I think that she would ask Anne for the best way to smooth things over and Anne would argue against it. Saying there was no point and Sasha would never listen to them.

In fact I doubt the Plantars would have ever gone to the Capital at all. I think the plan would be to find Val and get her to tell them how to charge the box.

Meanwhile Sasha, without getting that letter or her corresponding character development in Newtopia,would probably double down and be hellbent on tracking the two of them down and getting the box.

So you'd end up with a situation similar to canon but flipped who is on the run from the government.

It would end up being a very different story in the process. How many things would even happen anywhere similar is hard to say. They'd probably get more involved in the bizarre bazaar and its operation in their efforts to pin down Val. Get more info on the old cult of the olm lore that is mostly ambient in the story as is.

[savingsallow]

HI CASPER VIC MY LOVE HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT! 🫂💖 Please and thank you:

Alyn asked for ALE - GIMME THE MEMES Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

I ask for VAL - GIMME THE MUSIC Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

And I also ask for ALE AND VAL - GIMME THE LORE YUUMM What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

HELLO CASPER VIC BABE MY LOVE!! 🫂❤️‍🔥

— thanks for the ask and i hope you're enjoying the rest of your day!✨

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[Alyn asked for ALE - GIMME THE MEMES Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of the universe?]

Hello there, Alyn!

Did you say memes? 👀

I offer you some Ale memes:

[I ask for VAL - GIMME THE MUSIC Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?]

I wouldn't say that these songs are Val core but these are what I listen to when I try to build her lore:

and shout out to your angsty song recs!!

[And I also ask for ALE AND VAL - GIMME THE LORE YUUMM What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?]

Val:

My favorite thing about Val is how she refused to let others dim her light despite coming from a background that aims to bury her 6 feet under every single day. Val is definitely full of love and I love how she fought for her values even though everyone (family mostly) around her told her it was wrong.

As for the least favorite, I'd say that I hate her relatives HAHAHA. Her uncle, aunt, most cousins, more extended family, you name it. They were so big on criticizing her just because she was practically an orphan back then. Val never felt heard, seen, or even worthy at all growing up because of them. So they're my least favorite thing about her, at least connected to her.

Ale:

My favorite thing about Ale is that despite him being that suave, flirty, and charming guy, he actually has a heart. Ale loves his family so much. In fact, when his biological father left them when he was only 7, he tried his best to help his mother and take care of his two younger brothers. He's actually a Mama's boy XD and has huge respect for women. On the flip side, his grand gestures come across as flirting when he's just really like that. But if there's one thing I love about Ale is that he's definitely a family guy.

The least thing I like associated with Ale is his biological father. Not only that he hates Ale but he's an a-hole in general.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

— i hope you enjoyed reading this! ❤️‍🔥

[b1odeuwed]

heyyyy *leans on the doorframe of your askbox but i am slowly sliding down*

You want to tell me about c!aimsey lore soooo badly /silly

gaah where do i START without firstly directing you to my good friend val @girlboyzone’s website/archive https://sunshipguide.carrd.co

ok! so c!aimsey is a character i have followed since around june 2021 (beginning of bearsmp) so as u can imagine i love them dearly and am very attached to them. this was also like 3 years ago so since many vods are lost media (but not all!) some bits r foggy in my brain so disclaimer lol

c!aimsey was a lone traveller from arcadia (at least that’s what it said on their passport) and found a community in a village of outcasts, including a strange alien, sola (this is the name that the creator, Guqqie, has since given their character so i will use it)! their first meeting was sweet, c!aims gave them a pink tulip and the rest is history.

there were many disagreements between members of the village while it lasted, secrets being kept, strained relationships from a nonexistent hierarchy of leadership and regrets that last a lifetime. it caused many people to leave, almost everyone in fact. except sola, who could not -as much as star wanted to- go home. she was a part of the stars with no way back to the sky. but she tried and tried until it ate her alive.

c!aimsey was too late. they found sola’s body at the bottom of their tower the day after their final words, an argument. she was beside herself. the so-called town’s knight had failed. she would not forgive herself and regrets it every day.

they moved away. that village is rotting just like its predecessor but, it seems the decay followed them. this time in the form of a wooden bridge and a veiled figure and an empty mansion. the place scared them, its inhabitants seemed like ghosts or survivors of a terrible disaster, nobody really looked you in the eye.

so, they moved again. a forest this time, isolated but close enough to a friendly neighbouring village. they make a memorial to sola, even if they didn’t she’d see her everywhere but, it’s the thought that counts, they say. the tulips and daisies rot and freeze and die and grow again. to new beginnings.

[sleepi-toasti]

gave her sum lore chat :)

lore below

long post warning :)

Valisha was created with space dust and created by the universe itself. Val, and every other being like them made by the universe, have a purpose in the universe.

Val was a favorite of the universe and plays a role similar to the universe's right hand man (right hand genderless-being?)

Because of such a high title, Val is quite cocky and has been laying around doing basically NOTHING for the past several billion years (quite literally tho bc val is about 5 billion years old - and btw val never rlly ages they stay the same for their whole lifetime).

Every being made by the universe controls or takes care of a star, planet, black hole, asteroid; any celestial body in the universe is controlled by a being. The being is created at the time a space object is created and the being dies after the space object dies or gets destroyed.

In Val's case, they don't necessarily have a planet to control, and this adds to Val's somewhat bratty personality. Val instead either goofs off in space and doing whatever they want or visits the planet Jupiter and hangs out with Kael, the controller of said planet (still debating a design).

One day (around the year 2010), the universe got mad that Val was acting like a spoiled lazy kid decided to demote Val's rank from "right hand being" to the controller of Earth.

Earth is one of the few space objects that don't actually have a controller. This is because Earth (and the other space objects) has life on it and is technically already "controlled" by the life on there (yes this lore canonically has aliens - they're not rlly gonna pop up tho).

The demotion of their rank made Val very mad, but they couldn't really say nuh uh because the universe is basically the supreme being. So Val reluctantly accepted the thing and went down to Earth.

The universe, however, also added that Val would have to live with the humans and "make the humans better". This is because there's war and corruption and allat.

Val doesn't actually have a human disguise so Val is just down there in their god form lol.

Val noticed that the universe wasn't really going to pay attention to what Val actually did on earth. So Val kinda took this to their advantage and did basically the exact opposite of what they were told (lol val's thought process be like: "there's no way to make the humans better bc they're so bad so i oughta make em WORSE-") and became a hitman. Val hated humans from the start anyway.

Fifteen years later (in 2025), Val has made a very good amount of money from the hitman job (AND SOMEHOW DIDN'T GET CAUGHT BC THAT STUFF IS ACTUALLY ILLEGAL). But the universe notices that the humans are still the same as they were when it sent Val to Earth, so the universe sent a messenger guy to remind Val of what they need to do.

AND GUESS WHO THE GUY IS

IT'S KAEL (not rlly a guy bc kael is genderless)

So kael comes down to the lil house Val rented and tells Val to start actually doing what they were asked

fun fact - the universe doesn't know that val is a HITMAN

AND EVEN MORE FUN FACT - when kael sees what Val does they're like 😧 and like "VAL WHAT THE FU-"

and when kael yaps to the universe about it the universe is also like 😧 but also like 😡

so the universe give Val a task (basically a lil mission given by the universe), which is to help out a pair of siblings who are kinda struggling (not rlly economically).

One sibling (Kennedy) who is about 13-14 and hates her life, and the other (Carlos) is about 20-21 and he works at a low-paying job to get money for him and his sister. Kennedy is bullied at school for her parents abandoned her + Carlos and having to live with her brother and Carlos's boss is very mean and gives carlos the least amount of money.

(still figuring out the siblings' designs lol)

The universe also added that Kael would have to stay on earth as well to make sure Val does their job. Kael is sad bc of this but also gets very eager to see what there is on Earth.

Meanwhile Val gets a mission thingy for the hitman job and has to balance their job and the universe-given task with the siblings.

may i also add that kael falls in love with carlos-

---

Still figuring out the next parts of the lore but this is what I got lol

val dont rlly look that bratty tbh

except the rich kid clothes

[exhausted-archivist]

Tastes of Thedas Lore Blurbs

Here are all the recipe lore blurbs for Dragon Age: Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas. Putting them below the cut due to length, there are 72 recipe blurbs in total.

Starters and Refreshments

Eggs à la Val Foret

Ah, yes. Tons of cream! Exactly what I've come to expect from Orlesian cuisine. Do I have any tips for creating the perfect poached egg? Well, ever since I heard that Solas's bald head was once likened to an egg, I simply try to make my eggs just as round and shiny! So far, it's worked wonderfully and never ceases to put a smile on my face.

Nevarran Blood Orange Salad

Although I knew that Divine Victoria left behind a life of wealth and privilege to join the Seekers of Truth, it wasn't until I was in Nevarra, seeing exactly what she'd given up, that I truly gained an appreciation for the path she'd chosen. The best way to describe my first glimpse of the gardens of Nevarra is that it was like seeing a painting come to life. For a long moment, I could only stand there, so dazzled by the richness and vibrancy of it all that I was half-convinced I was actually still napping in the carriage. Surely, there was no way such beauty could be found outside of a dream. And yet the beauty before me was very much real.

So, too, was the picturesque tableau that arrived later that day on a plate: perfectly cut slices of blood orange artfully arranged on a lush pillow of bitter greens. Was this a meal or a still life, I wondered. In truth, the answer was both. For Nevarrans, food is as much a feast for the eyes as for the mouth. But even if your arrangement isn't quite worthy of being displayed in a museum, this salad will sing a symphony on your tastebuds.

Fried Young Giant Spiders

Just as people on the surface raise cows and goats, the dwarves underground raise spiders. Yes, to eat. The legs are fried and served with a sauce, which, true to dwarven fashion, is made with some type of alcohol. The precise kind depends on the establishment where you're eating your spider legs. Unfortunately, I couldn't get an exact recipe from any of the chefs I spoke to. These sauces are apparently closely guarded secrets and have spurred many a nefarious plot to acquire them - the competition to be crowned Orzammar's Best Sauce is fierce. But I've been assured that lichen ale is generally not used.

I've therefore come up with my own recipe, based on the many varieties I sampled while in Orzammar. Given that sourcing the requisite spider legs above ground is not nearly so easy, and the demand for such exports is minimal, I've substituted them with crab legs. It's not a perfect match, but it's close enough to satisfy me.

Stuffed Deep Mushrooms

Though the mushrooms growing underground in caves and in many parts of the Deep Roads are all called "deep mushrooms," there is no singular variety. In fact, there are several! Some mushrooms are squat, with broad, flat caps, while others are long and spindly, reaching toward the sky like an old man's gnarled fingers. They also have a multitude of applications, used in the creation of everything from restorative potions to deadly poisons. But in Orzammar, mushrooms are farmed for eating!

I was able to sample some of these dwarven delicacies, prized for their unique flavor and intoxicating scent. After only a few bites, I was struck with inspiration. How delicious would one of these mushrooms be when stuffed with cheese and spinach? The answer is: very. Rest assured that I selected this particular variety of deep mushroom not only for its shape, which is ideal for holding the maximum amount of cheese (and spinach), but also for the fact that it does not carry the darkspawn taint. While certain dwarves will insist that a deep mushroom's proximity to lyrium and darkspawn can only improve its flavor, I am quite content to leave that particular question a mystery, especially where lyrium is concerned. Although I'm hardly an expert on the stuff, I can't help but think about Fenris and how much suffering he endured as a result of his lyrium-infused markings. It seems to me that, barring any natural resistance, lyrium and the body are two things that probably shouldn't mix.

Rivaini Couscous Salad

When I first encountered couscous, I mistakenly believed it to be a grain, like rice or the more familiar Fereldan barley. I was swiftly corrected. In fact, couscous is a sort of pasta, made with semolina flour and water, although it's far smaller than your typical Antivan pasta. Couscous has a very mild flavor on its own--maybe slightly nutty. But where it excels is in its ability to soak up surrounding flavors, making it a perfect base for any salad. I'd love to experiment further, but so far, this particular combination of red bell pepper and mint has proven to be incredibly pleasing.

Crab Cakes from Kirkwall

I love it when recipes add a dash of whimsy into the mix. Food should be fun. I, therefore, took it upon myself to put this into practice with a classic Kirkwall dish. After all, who hasn't looked at their crab cakes and wished they looked a little more like crabs? Okay, maybe I'm the only one who's thought this. But now that I've brought this possibility to your attention, I'm certain you're interested as well! Best of all, these extra-crabby crab cakes stay true to the original recipe's flavors, so nothing is lost--only gained!

Fluffy Mackerel Pudding

Can it really be Feast Day without fluffy mackerel pudding? No! In fact, there's no dish I associate more strongly with the holiday than this unique combination of mackerel, onion, celery, and eggs. Granted, I've heard stories that, several decades ago, someone once attempted a diet consisting entirely of fluffy mackerel pudding. Now, that I certainly wouldn't recommend. It stops being Feast Day Fish if you eat it every day, no?

Snail and Watercress Salad

When the Avvar can't get their hands on a gurgut or a wyvern, they turn their attention to smaller prey. Much smaller prey. Snails are found on many a hillside boulder, making them an abundant source of food for the Avvar. Now, while some would wrinkle their noses or cry out in disgust at the prospect of eating a snail, I am pleased to report that, when prepared correctly, the texture, and flavor are actually good! I could happily eat a plate full of snails dressed in butter and oil, but those still on the fence about a snail's place in Lowlander cuisine might prefer to sample them in conjunction with other ingredients. Might I suggest a snail and watercress salad? It’s not exactly traditional Avvar cuisine, but my hosts certainly seemed to enjoy it.

Cave Beetles

You think that, after snails, I'd balk at beetles? Never! In fact, I greatly enjoyed this dwarven dish, which involves roasting cave beetles in their shells. However, I recognize that many may not have a palate that's nearly so adventurous. If that's the case, the cave beetles can be replaced with whole prawns while keeping the rest of the recipe the same. That being said, if you do enjoy the variation with prawns, I really recommend giving the cave beetles a try. They're quite similar in both texture and flavor. If you were to blindfold yourself, I doubt you could tell the difference!

For the Road

Spiced Jerky

Preserved foods play an important role in many different cultures across Thedas. Not only do they help certain communities weather times of scarcity brought on by the changing of the seasons, but they also ensure that long journeys away from home are possible. Imagine how difficult it would be for Dalish hunters to bring back meat the clan is depending on if they have to be back for supper night - or, worse, hunt on an empty stomach! This spiced jerky ensures that all Dalish hunters are well provisioned whenever they set out on a hunt so that no one, either the hunter or the clan at home, must go hungry. I do wonder, given how well this food keeps, whether it’s used in offerings made by certain Dalish elves to Fen’Harel. Although his shrines are usually located well outside of Dalish camps, I can’t imagine that leaving behind food that’ll readily spoil is good practice, especially if the prevailing opinion about these shrines is to avoid them. Besides, he is the Dread Wolf. If any god would enjoy a good piece of jerky, it should be him!

Grey Warden Pastry Pockets

Unlike many of us, Grey Wardens often don’t have the luxury of sitting down for their meals. Instead, they’re off on patrol, usually in less-than-pleasant climates, which makes their work all the more exhausting. In their shoes, I imagine I’d be downright ravenous, well beyond what a handful of nuts could hope to sate. But a pastry stuffed to the brim with meat, potatoes, and onion? Now, that would keep me going, and the Grey Wardens certainly seem to agree! While the original recipe produces a much tougher pastry - mostly to keep the whole thing from falling apart in one��s pack - another variation, championed by newer recruits from Orlais, incorporates the far more delicate Orlesian puff pastry. Whether eaten hot or cold, the results are certainly delicious, but I wouldn’t recommend storing these pastries anywhere they might be jostled. Otherwise, you might open your pack to find a mess in place of a meal!

Pickled Eggs

Got a fever? A cold? An aching shoulder, perhaps? Ask any Fereldan for advice, and they’ll be quick to prescribe you a pickled egg, the Fereldan cure for…well, pretty much anything! Actually, no, I take it back. You don’t even have to ask. Looking a bit under the weather is prompt enough for most Fereldans to unleash a deluge of eggs, which is exactly what Commander Cullen found waiting for him in his office during the worst of his lyrium withdrawals. Whether the eggs really work is a completely different story, but I’d be the last person to complain if one was offered to me. I am Fereldan, after all. Still, next time you feel a bit of illness coming on, try one of these salty-sour eggs. You never know; it might actually work. And at the very least, you’ll have the opportunity to enjoy one of Ferelden’s finest snacks!

Unidentified Meat

Have you ever heard a tale so exciting that you decided then and there that you absolutely have to see the truth of it for yourself? That was me when I learned about the mysterious, impossible-to-identify meat that’s often served in taverns across Tevinter - usually with a heaping portion of Nevarran flat bread. Of course, sometimes, the truth is far less exciting. Because what did I find on my plate when I ordered a portion of this strange meat? Was it quillback? Dracolisk? Giant? No. It was chicken - chicken legs, to be precise. Ah, well. They were still delicious.

Seheron Fish Pockets

Alas, for all my desire to see every last bit of Thedas, there are still certain places where I simply cannot go. Take far-off Seheron, for example, a land that, according to the Hero of Ferelden’s companion, Sten, smells like tea, incense, and the sea. Sounds lovely, no? What a shame then, that all my knowledge comes secondhand - and this recipe is no exception. I learned of this recipe from a member of the famous mercenary band Bull’s Chargers. A group favorite, the fish is packed with flavor. On its own, this combination of spices might prove a bit too much for the more delicate Orlesian palates, but I find that the soft wrap and crisp vegetables temper the resultant heat a fair bit. Do note, however, that this dish has a tendency to fall apart if eaten haphazardly. I suppose that’s why the mercenary who shared this recipe with me emphasized the importance of sitting down properly. He seemed to think I might stand in my chair to eat it instead. Who does that?

Fereldan Hearty Scones

Traveling is tiring work, especially when circumstances beyond your control necessitate going by foot instead of carriage. Thankfully, I had these hearty scones from home to keep me going! Unlike their sweeter, more delicate counterparts, Fereldan scones are packed with cheese and bacon, making them certain to keep you full until your next meal. Unfortunately, this also makes the scones a prime target for any nearby mabari, who love cheese and bacon as much as any other Fereldan. Don't make my mistake! Take a moment to survey your surroundings before enjoying your first bite; otherwise, a four-legged someone might do the honors for you.

Crow Feed

You don’t see much rice outside of Antiva and its neighbor, Rivain. In fact, it’s an especially rare sight in Ferelden, where any grain is seemingly always either barley or wheat. Evidently, very little of the rice Antiva produces ends up being exported, making it relatively cheap compared to other grains. It’s no wonder, then, that rice is a key component in dishes favored by poorer Antivans. However, that doesn’t make them any less delicious! Take crow feed, for example - a simple dish of rice, butter, and onions named after the (in)famous Antivan Crows. Although it’s most certainly cheap, the taste is fit for a king!

Black Lichen Bread

No doubt your face is already creasing in trepidation. “But wait,” you think, “isn’t black lichen toxic?” And yes. Yes, it is. But high temperatures seem to largely neutralize the lichen’s toxicity, making it safe to consume. If you’re still concerned, you can easily substitute any surface varieties for the lichen used in this recipe. Just make sure to thoroughly dry it, as you would any lichen from underground. You can also use bark in place of lichen, but I think that defeats the point. This is supposed to be lichen bread, after all, not bark bread!

Hearth Cakes

Some lovely comfort food, courtesy of the Dalish. These cakes are traditionally made over the hearth on an iron griddle or skillet (hence the name). While the original recipe calls for halla butter, I’ve found that other types of butter work just as well. The resulting dough stays moist on the inside, but crisp and flaky on the outside. In other words: perfect. Although hearth cakes can be made plain, I recommend adding some dried fruit into the mix. Cranberries, raisins, and currants all work. I believe the Dalish simply use whatever is on hand. Of course, if you’re feeling a bit mischievous, you could mix in some hot peppers instead: Just be prepared to be cursed as loudly and vehemently as Fen’Harel, the Lord of Tricksters himself!

Peasant Bread

While traveling through Orlais, I spied this rustic and hearty bread being eaten by both Dalish and city elves alike. The recipe is very straightforward, calling for wheat, salt, and grease in nearly equal parts, and it produces a biscuit that feels like it would be right at home in any Fereldan dish. It does a wonderful job mopping up any last bits of stew left inside your bowl, but it also pairs well with a bit of butter and jam.

Soups and Stews

Merrill’s Blood Soup

In the same vein as Llomerryn red, this is not actually blood - it’s just red. The color comes from the beetroot, which gives the soup a rich, earthy flavor that goes well with the roasted chickpeas sprinkled on top. Some might find the vibrant crimson hue off-putting, in the same way many shun the practice of blood magic. However, as mages like Merrill have shown, I think it’s best to not judge by appearances or by what you think you know. Take the time to experience things for yourself, and you might find yourself pleasantly surprised!

Fereldan Potato and Leek Soup

Most people immediately think of Orlais when it comes to creamy soups, and I can’t blame them. However, as often as cream might appear in their cuisine, the Orlesians certainly don’t have a monopoly on it, whether in soup or otherwise. This dish is 100% Fereldan through and through, and the recipe I’ve noted here is actually Mum’s. Of course, I couldn’t help but put my own little twist on it. Instead of using a side of toasted bread to give the meal a necessary bit of crunch, I turned my attention abroad, settling on chickpeas from Rivain, toasted to crouton-like crispiness. In a way, this recipe is very much a reflection of me, now that my journey is coming to an end. While my origins are unmistakably Fereldan, my travels across Thedas have touched me in a lasting way, and I’m all the richer for it.

The Hanged Man’s Mystery Meat Stew

A famous dish from the Hanged Man tavern in Kirkwall - or infamous, I suppose, depending on your perspective. Personally, after having heard so much about it, I couldn’t wait to taste it, even if the establishment, as Fenris once so succinctly put it, smelled of sour ale, vomit, and desperation. Oh, yes. I can hear what you’re thinking. A Fereldan excited about yet another stew. How predictable. But this is the tavern’s feature dish! Why shouldn’t I be excited? It’s made from a different meat every morning. I suspect mine was pork, although after overhearing the waitress tell another patron that they hang people who ask stupid questions from the rafters, I declined to confirm.

Fish Chowder

As Antivan as it gets! A bowl of this thick, creamy soup will have you feeling like you’re in Antiva City. No need for any pickpockets, corrupt politicians, or Antivan leather to further enhance the experience - the word “enhance” being entirely debatable, of course. I can’t imagine that the smell of rotting flesh would do much for anyone’s appetite, though Zevran Arainai might disagree with me on that. Evidently, becoming an accomplished assassin can have a pronounced effect on one’s tastes. But if you ask me, this desire for rather unusual accompaniments is likely born of something much more universally understood: homesickness.

Sweet and Sour Cabbage Soup

This Fereldan staple is often more solid than liquid, filled to the brim with cabbage, tomatoes, and other vegetables. Paired with a thick slice of dark bread, it makes for a filling and satisfying meal, one guaranteed to leave you full of warmth for hours afterwards on even the coldest of days. A perfect fit for us Fereldans, you might think, but we aren’t the only ones who enjoy this soup on the regular. Apparently, there’s a troupe of actors in Orlais whose sole focus is a popular comedy set in the fictional Fereldan village of Wilkshire Downs. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see it for myself, as the performance was sold out almost instantly. But in order to play their roles most convincingly, the actors went so far as to change their diets to match those of their characters. For example, there’s a mayor who specifically eats cabbage soup. Personally, I don’t think I’d enjoy subsisting only on cabbage soup for an extended period of time, but you can’t help but applaud them for their dedication to their craft!

Lentil Soup

Lentils and Onions - open any pantry across Thedas, and I’m certain you’ll find these two ingredients sitting on the shelves. They’re both relatively inexpensive and keep well for an extended period of time. Best of all, they go with pretty much anything! Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if these two Thedosian staples played a starring role instead of a supporting one. So I combined a recipe that’s popular in elven alienages with some classic Tevinter flavors to supply an answer to this question. And what a delicious answer it is!

Nettle Soup

I first encountered nettles as a child, when I tripped and fell face-first in a whole patch of them. Many tears were shed, along with a lecture from Mum to play elsewhere from now on. In short, it was far from a pleasant experience. So I was understandably dubious when confronted with the idea of using nettles as an ingredient in my cooking. How could something so painful to the touch be in any way edible, let alone pleasant on the tongue. Funnily enough, I didn’t even have to taste it to understand. Though I doubt she’d appreciate it, I immediately thought of Lady Morrigan. She is, in a word, prickly, much like a nettle. And yet, despite her oftentimes cruel manner, no one can deny that she’s done much for Thedas’s benefit, helping not just the Hero of Ferelden, but also the Inquisitor. She’s a perfect example of how first impressions are not always the most correct. So, yes, nettles are both incredibly nutritious and delicious, contrary to my expectations.

King Alistair’s Lamb and Pea Stew

Hearty, humble, and straightforward to make - the three key aspects of any good Fereldan stew. This is a dish so ubiquitous that it’s become almost synonymous with Fereldan cuisine in general. I’m certain you’ve heard many a clever quip about our stews, perhaps even from Fereldan! But let me be the first to assure you that, no, contrary to what King Alistair may have said, we don’t cook our ingredients until they’re all “a uniform grey color.” Throwing them into the largest pot we can find, on the other hand… …that much is true. If you’re going to make a stew, you might as well make a lot of it! Although Mum’s stews will always rule my heart, I’d be lying if I said this recipe - its namesake’s view on Fereldan stews aside - didn’t come close to stealing the crown. (Sorry, Mum!)

Main Courses

Stuffed Cabbage

Gathering is just as important as hunting for the Avvar. It’s like Mum said: You can’t live off only meat, and any meal without vegetables is a meal half-finished. Of course, I didn’t understand her reasoning as a child, especially one who was single-handedly waging a war against the green menace on my plate. But now that I’m older, I have a new appreciation for her words. Plus, with a bit of proper seasoning, and some meat, even the most unappealing of vegetables can be delicious.

Antivan Gnocchi

Phew! Antivan meals sure are something to behold - and, to think, for Antivan nobles like Lady Josephine, these decadent spreads are just another dinner! Every time I thought we’d reach the last course, another was swiftly brought out. After ten dishes full of ingredients like olives, truffles, pasta, and cream, it’s a wonder I didn’t have to be rolled away from the table! In retrospect, I probably overindulged in the gnocchi, which were dressed with leeks and a rich cheese sauce. While they’re delicious, these small lumps of wheat, flour, egg, salt, and potato are incredibly filling. Still, I cannot say I won’t repeat this mistake next time I find myself at an Antivan table - nor will I regret it if I do!

Antivan Paella

Bordered by the Rialto Bay to the east, Antiva is populated mostly on the coast. It’s no wonder, then, that seafood plays a  starring role in Antivan cuisine. There’s no dish that exemplifies this more than the classic Antivan paella. Rice, saffron, and a variety of seafood (from whole shrimp to cuttlefish to mussels) come together to create an aromatic smorgasbord of everything the ocean has to offer. Best of all, it’s all made in a single pot - truly a dish after my own stew-loving Fereldan heart, if King Alistair’s thoughts on Fereldan cuisine are to believed! Although paella is traditionally cooked in a shallow, wide pan called a paellera (or, more confusingly, a paella in certain regions of Antiva), it can be prepared in virtually any deep skillet. Be sure to pair your paella with a glass of wine - ideally, an Antivan vintage, according to Lady Josephine, whose opinion on such matters can certainly be trusted - for the full experience.

Grilled Poussin

The Chasind sure love their poussin. And who can blame them? I love it, too! It’s a great alternative to the roasted turkey one might normally trot out for guests - although, I admit, the length of the guest list will likely be the deciding factor here. A poussin is a significantly smaller bird, after all, and as much as we might love the kitchen, sometimes we must be economical in our choices. Still, for a more intimate dinner party, you can’t go wrong with this dish! Although the Chasind typically cook poussin in a large pot over an open fire for an extended period of time, a similar effect can be achieved with any other cookware of suitable size and an oven. Marinating and basting the meat to keep it moist. That’s the secret to a meat so tender that it practically falls off the bone!

Gurgut Roast with Lowlander Spices and Mushroom Sauce

It was spring when I trudged through the Frostbacks on my way toward one of the many Avvar settlements that populate the area. As this is the time of year when the Avvar begin preparing for the following winter by smoking meat, pickling vegetables, and drying fruit, I thought it an ideal time to visit and observe. Unfortunately, springtime is also the gurgut’s mating season. As a result, I nearly discovered firsthand why travelers are advised to keep their distance from these brightly colored beasts. Luckily, a nearby group of Avvar hunters quickly came to my aid, and I was spared the indignity of beating at the beast with a ladle. In an expression of my thanks, I shared with them several jars of spices from home, which they happily accepted. These Lowlander spices are prized among the Avvar and often reserved for feasts are rare delicacies. What unparalleled good fortune, then, that I later had the opportunity to dine on the slain gurgut, now roasted and seasoned with the spices I had gifted, at the hunters’ hold.

Nug Pancakes

Although some see nugs only as pets, they are edible. In fact, nugs constitute a key part of dwarven cuisine, so much so that Varen, the first dwarf to attempt eating a nug - albeit out of desperation - became a paragon for his culinary discovery! I'd liken the flavor to a cross between pork and rabbit. Very tender, especially when roasted. But of all the nug-based dishes I've sampled, my favorite is still the nug pancakes (with nug-gets coming in a close second). I've noted down the recipe here and recommend you give it a try! Of course, if you cannot bring yourself to eat nug, other meats can be substituted in its place.

Fish in Salt Crust

The Avvar are generally rather utilitarian in their cooking methods - lots of stews, which I can hardly find fault with. But holds by lakes and rivers have a unique way of cooking fish. Instead of using a pan, they’ll wrap the fish in pungent leaves and salt, then leave it baking all day over banked coals. Like a stew, this method of preparation does not require constant attention. In addition, the salt helps keep moisture inside the fish, which turns the flesh creamy and tender. Plus, there’s a great deal of fun to be had when cracking the salt open! It adds a level of drama that I’m sure even the Orlesians would appreciate.

Roasted Wyvern

Having made their home in the inhospitable Frostbacks, the Avvar live on whatever they can glean from the land, hunting all manner of beasts, from harts and rams to large creatures like lurkers and gurguts - sometimes even wyverns! But take care! Although wyvern can be delicious, if they’re not prepared correctly, they’re devastatingly poisonous, a consequence of their venomous nature. I’ve made sure to include detailed instructions. I’m no Antivan Crow like Zevran Arainai, after all; the last thing I want is for anyone to be poisoned via dinner!

Nug Bacon and Egg Pie

Ever since I heard about Sister Leliana keeping a nug as a companion, I’ve desperately longed for a Schmooples of my own. Of course, as adorable as nugs are, allowing them anywhere near a fully stocked kitchen is a recipe for disaster. You’d think that after seeing Mum nearly lose her mind trying to keep the Hero of Ferelden’s mabari out of her larder, I’d be a touch more aware of the security of my own roasts. And yet…that cute face… Suffice it to say, I discovered firsthand just how voracious these little omnivores can be. These days, the closest thing to a nug in my house is this traditional Fereldan farmer’s pie.

Starkhaven Fish and Egg Pie

In some ways, this famous pie mirrors its namesake. Not only is it almost oval in shape, but it’s also stuffed to the brim with fish from the Minanter River, lending the impression that it, like the city of Starkhaven, sits perched upon the river’s bounty. But where the city is crowned with solid rings of tall, gray stone, this pie has a light, flaky crust that, I imagine, is far kinder on one’s teeth –not to mention, far tastier! As beautiful as Starkhaven is, with its lavish estates and fountains, I’d much rather take a bite of one of its pies instead. Of course, if Starkhaven’s prince were on offer as well… just kidding! I’d still take the pie. Given Sebastain Vael’s popularity, though, I might be alone in this decision.

Cacio e Pepe

A classic Antivan dish that graces the tables of both rich and poor alike. Composed of three pain ingredients – pasta, cheese, and pepper – cacio e pepe is delightfully simple. And yet, it is also very easy to get wrong, as I quickly discovered. The sauce must be smooth, not clumpy, a surprisingly tall ask when your tools are dry cheese and water. But do not despair! This skill, like all others, can be learned, and with a bit of practice, you too will be able to make a sauce that even the most scrutinizing of Antivan grandmothers can’t help but approve of. And let me tell you, that nod of approval is worth every ounce of struggle. So let me be the first to offer it to you, as Mum did for me when I was a child helping her in the kitchen: I’m so proud of you for persevering!

Turnip and Mutton Pie

I already know what you’re thinking. A Fereldan about to extol the virtues of turnips? Of course! They’re a wonderful little root vegetable, capable of being prepared any number of ways–whether boiled, stir-fried, roasted, steamed, or mashed–and even eaten raw! Although they certainly make a great addition to any stew, for now, I’d like to introduce you to the wonders of turnips in pies.

This particular pie is a classic Fereldan dish served at taverns across the kingdom. Tender chunks of lamb and turnip are enveloped in a buttery crust that, together, never fail to put a smile on my face. It doesn’t matter how cold or miserable the day is. None of that is any match for a belly full of warm, rich, turnipy goodness. Even just the smell alone is a comfort that no other food could ever hope to match. And although you could certainly evoke it by throwing a bushel of turnips into the fire, as Cole once did, I think putting them in a pie is a much tastier idea.

Smoked Ham from the Anderfels

Contrary to what the rumors (or perhaps just the importers) would have you believe, this ham does not taste of despair - whatever flavor that might be. Although the Anderfels are largely ill-suited for farming, pigs do surprisingly well there, in spite of the notoriously inhospitable climate. As a result, ham from the Anderfels is generous in size and, when glazed, makes for a delicious meal. In terms of glazes, my personal favorite is made from a combination of apples and apricots. However, I’ve heard that one glaze, in particular, made from wildflowers, can turn a smoked ham as hard as jade! Not at all suitable for eating, but I imagine it would pack quite the punch, especially in the hands of a warrior like Divine Victoria!

Roasted Turkey with Sides

If you're attending the Prince of Starkhaven's birthday celebration or any dinner party in the Free Marches, chances are, you'll find this feast waiting for you. The roasted turkey, cooked to golden-brown perfection, sits surrounded by a host of different sides, creating a picturesque scene that's certain to impress everyone lucky enough to secure an invite. Unsurprisingly, this culinary tableau is far from a quick-and-easy meal. The chef who prepared the rendition I enjoyed in Kirkwall informed me - after much persuasion - that the turkey alone took hours to prepare. Add a few sides, and there goes most of the day, especially if you don't have a full kitchen staff to assist you! Unfortunately, I discovered this the hard way when I later attempted to put this recipe into practice. By the time everything was properly cooked and ready, it was late into the evening - well past dinnertime, even in Antiva, where dinner is usually a late-night affair. So take my advice, and budget more time than you think you need. Also be sure to invite some friends! This is definitely a meal that's meant to be shared, which, in my opinion, makes it the best kind!

Sides

Sera’s Yummy Corn

This recipe is simple, yet strict. No wraps. No non-yellow corn. Peel halfway, then wash and cook; peel again, and eat. Personally I think other varieties of corn would work just fine - I agree with checking for rot, of course - but the suggestion was met with such disgust from Sera that, well, I couldn’t bring myself to try it. Also, while the original recipe advises acquiring the ingredients through less-than-honorable means, let me assure you that merchant-bought corn is absolutely fine. Friends of Red Jenny can, of course, pilfer a few ears from an undeserving noble, as usual.

Stuffed Vine Leaves

The first thing I did upon arriving in the Tevinter Imperium was head for the nearest tavern and order this classic Tevinter appetizer. These tender leaves are stuffed with rice, herbs, and sometimes minced meat. When topped with a bit of lemon juice and a dollop of tzatziki sauce, they’re sure to leave you in a state of bliss with just a single bite. In my case, I was so enchanted by the delicious flavors that I didn’t even notice the commotion outside! Apparently, there was a disagreement between a magister and another magister’s son - about what, I couldn’t say. After all, I was too busy eating!

Honey Carrots

In much the same way as the Inquisition is to the Inquisitor, a meal is more than just a main course. Sides form an equal part of the equation and deserve just as much care and attention as the dish they’re served alongside. It’s a lesson Mum taught me long ago and one I haven’t forgotten since. So of course, I noticed when this Orlesian staple made an appearance. It graced my table not once, not twice, but every single time I dined in Orlais. And while I enjoyed the traditional Orlesian rendition of this dish - which is on the sweeter side, thanks to a liberal application of honey - those who prefer a level of sweetness more in line with a carrot’s natural flavor should employ a lighter touch.

Nevarran Flat Bread and Yogurt Dip

There’s something supremely satisfying about a tall stack of Nevarran flat bread - and I don’t just mean in an aesthetic sense. Of course, being pleasing to the eye is certainly a consideration. This is a Nevarran dish, after all. But the process of being able to go from dough to ready-to-eat bread in minutes reaches a whole level of satisfaction on its own, especially if you’re used to waiting hours for a loaf to finish baking! Best off all, this bread can be eaten in a variety of different ways, whether on its own, brushed with oil, or as a vehicle for an assortment of dips. Personally, I’d love to try it with a good stew from home one day.

Sweet Delights

Blancmange

When translated literally from Orlesian, blancmange means “white eating,” which, I suppose, is pretty accurate. This dish is a white pudding made with either milk or heavy cream that’s been thickened. On its own, it possesses a relatively mild sweetness–particularly by Orlesian standards. But that’s because it’s generally served with various toppings, such as a red grape compote, to amplify the dish’s sweet flavors. The toppings are also a great way to decorate an otherwise plain-looking dessert. I’ve seen everything from designs composed of toasted almonds to ribbons of fresh mango. There’s really no limit to what you can do!

If you’re looking for a particularly elegant option, you need only turn to Lady Vivienne for guidance. After all, she’s the veritable queen of style, no matter the medium. When it comes to blancmange, her preferred arrangement remains true to the dish’s name, offering a pristine white-on-white tableau of white chocolate curls and whole jasmine flowers. The result is gorgeous on its own, but when served on a dark plate, it looks all the more stunning!

As stunning as that is, I prefer to add a cherry sauce to top the dish.

Poison Stings

Traveling is exhausting, as I’ve recently discovered. Even if you’re just sitting in a carriage, it can often feel like you’re walking every step of the way. Thankfully, I’m not the first to take long journeys across Thedas. Dorian Pavus traveled all the way from Tevinter to Ferelden in order to join the Inquisition - and rather quickly, at that! His secret? Chocolate-coated orange peels, colloquially known as poison stings. They’re sweet and sour, crunchy and chewy, and are certain to perk you right up whenever you’re starting to feel a bit worn down.

Dalish Forest Fruit Cobbler

Mum always knew there’s no greater comfort than a warm slice of cobbler - and the Dalish know it too! The first time I had a bite of this dessert, it was like sitting in Mum’s kitchen all over again, letting the simple pleasure of her baking wash away the day’s troubles. Hard to feel the sting of a skinned knee or a lost game when your belly is full of warm, gooey goodness, no? Although Mum usually made her cobblers with strawberries and rhubarb - only the stems, of course, as the leaves are poisonous - you can follow the Dalish’s lead and use whatever forest fruit is currently in season.

Dwarven Plum Jam

One of the great joys of this journey has been the sheer variety of foods I’ve encountered. However, there are certain places that, by nature of their climate or simply location, offer little in the way of choice when it comes to locally produced foods. The dwarven city of Orzammar is one such place.

Though it is underground, the city is by no means isolated, and trade with the surface has ensured that foods from above ground have soared to great heights of popularity below. Jam, particularly that made from plums, seems to be in especially high demand. The price, however, was enough to make my eyes water! It’s no surprise that only the wealthiest and most influential residents of Orzammar can afford it.

That’s not to say the rest of the city’s population is doomed to live in a jamless existence! While in Orzammar, I spoke to a local jam maker who, rather than purchase the jams directly from merchants, has opted to import only the individual components. They hope that, by making the actual preserves themselves, they can sell their product for a much more reasonable price. And the results, I dare say, were very sweet.

Sour Cherries in Cream

Imagine that you, like me, are at a dinner party in Orlais. You’ve just finished polishing off the second-to-last course, the latest in a long slew of extravagance, and you’re starting to realize that perhaps you overindulged earlier in the evening. But how could you not? The food was just so good. Now there’s only dessert left, and your stomach feels like it’s about to burst. At this point, you cannot imagine how you’ll manage to choke down whatever tower of sugar and cream awaits you in the kitchens. All you know is you have to. You cannot be rude to your host, after all. What a relief, then, when dessert finally arrives, and you’re presented with a small bowl filled with black cherries dressed in sweet cherry sauce and whipped cream. Evidently, even the Orlesians are sometimes in need of lighter fare. And so the night ends, with stomachs still intact and no offense caused. A happy ending for all!

Treviso Energy Balls

As a Fereldan, I’m no stranger to hardship. The Fifth Blight took much from us, but the darkspawn are hardly the sole cause of suffering in Thedas. Take Treviso, a port city in northern Antiva, for example: Treviso was captured and liberated several times during both the Qunari Wars and the New Exalted Marches. As you can imagine, during times of occupation, food was scarce, and those living in the city had to make do with the limited ingredients they still had. Of course, people can be remarkably creative, particularly in difficult times. You need only look to the work Anders did in his clinic in Darktown to know that much. And so the Treviso energy ball was born, combining peanut butter, oats, and dried fruit into a bite-sized treat that’s just bursting with energy! Perfect for when you’re out sabotaging weapon caches - or just taking a hike.

Rice Pudding

I assumed a mercenary would be paid in gold. But according to the second-in-command of the Bull’s Chargers, this is not always the case! One time, he, the Iron Bull, and five other Chargers defended a village from fifty bandits, an awe-inspiring feat by anyone’s measure. I certainly listened in slack-jawed amazement as Krem recounted the tale. How incredible they must have been! If only I could’ve seen it for myself. Ahem. In any case, once the bandits were defeated and it came time for the Chargers to collect on the payment they were owed, instead of receiving a sack of gold, they got several bags of rice. When I asked what they did with all this rice, Krem only shrugged and said, “When life gives you rice, make rice pudding.” I don’t believe truer words were ever spoken!

Goat Custard

You’ll find custards all across Thedas in a dizzying number of variations. I sourced this particular recipe from Rivain, where it has gained great popularity as a dessert. The custard is made from goat’s milk and studded with roasted figs to add a touch of sweetness to the dish’s overall richness. If you’d like to further enhance the dish’s sweet flavors, milk from the Ayesleigh gulabi goat can be used, as it boasts a natural sweetness that makes it prized by custard connoisseurs everywhere.

Baked Goods

Antivan Apple Grenade

It’s no secret that I delight in creative presentation when it comes to food. Whether it’s a crab cake designed to look like a crab or a dish featuring a fish peeking its head out of a pie, the extra touches are all certain to leave me clapping my hands with glee. Thankfully, this Antivan dessert nails it on both counts! Its name comes from the fact it resembles the fire grenades reportedly used by the Antivan Crows assassins - not just in shape, but also in heat! I discovered that part for myself the hard way, when I bit into the piping-hot apple at the center of these sweet pastry bundles with a touch too much enthusiasm.

Found Cake

The Hero of Ferelden’s mabari is very good at finding items. One time he even brought back a cake! As I understand it, the cake in question was a chocolate cream variety, topped with white frosting and fresh strawberries. Of course, I had to try my hand at reproducing it, and I think the results are sure to delight. I did, however, make the decision to omit the few flecks of drool that apparently clung to the original. As much as we love our mabari in Ferelden, I don’t think their spittle makes for a very appetizing ingredient. Not even Teyrn Loghain, who, I would argue, is far more tolerant of mabari drool than I, is liable to enjoy a cake that’s become intimately acquainted with the inside of a mabari’s mouth.

Varric’s Favorite Cinnamon Rolls

When you hear the tales of Thedas's heroes, what you don't always hear are the silly names Varric Tethras called them. Some of them more fitting - Blondie, Curly, Ruffles, Broody - and others a little more...ironic. Tiny? Chuckles? I can easily imagine his amusement at the exasperation of those around him, but that's Varric for you. He can disarm you with his humor and charm (or quite literally, through his spy network). I'll tell you a secret, though-I think he has a soft spot for the soft heroes. "Daisy" for Merrill, "Sunshine" for Bethany, "Kid" for Cole. I've even heard rumors that there was a kind, appeasing hero he called "Waffles". And "Waffles" is just on short step away from him calling someone a "Cinnamon Roll," which I've heard is one of his favorite sweets. (Some of those heroes would decidedly deserve that nickname, too.) I whipped up a batch of cinnamon rolls while thinking on it, and I believe they're the perfect treat to have while listening to him spin you a tale. Warm, sweet, comforting- the kind of treat not for listening to Hard in Hightown, but for hours spent reminiscing.

Croissants

The Orlesians certainly know how to make a good pastry! It’s no wonder Lady Vivienne starts off her day with one of these, the most well-known of all Orlesian pastries and, in my humble opinion, the most delicious. But, by Andraste, these little crescents are a lot of work to make! In order to achieve that wonderfully flaky texture croissants are known for, the dough is layered with butter and then rolled and folded several times over before being rolled into a thin sheet. It’s times like these when I wish I had a strong companion like the Iron Bull or Commander Cullen to take over the duties with the rolling pin. Anything to spare my arms the indignity of being reduced to limp noodles!

Cherry Cupcake

These delightful little cakes are decadence in bite-sized form, as pleasing to the eye as they are the tongue. Although they were served alongside other sweets, carried from one private box to the next by a servant on stilts at the Tevinter theater, I was so enchanted by the pink color that I barely noticed what else was on offer. It was only after I’d had a cupcake (or four) that I heard these tiny cakes were once used as a vehicle for deadly poisons! Thankfully, my cupcakes were poison free, and so is the recipe I now pass on to you.

Chocolate Cake

I didn’t have to travel very far to get my hands on this recipe. In fact, I didn’t need to travel at all! This cake is actually one of Mum’s recipes. She baked it for the first time on my tenth name-day, and it made for a sweet celebration that not another name-day passed without me begging for an encore. Thankfully, Mum was kind enough to indulge me, even though, more times than not, she already had her hands full with the Couslands’ meals. And so whenever I think about her love for me, this cake inevitably sits front and center in my mind. It therefore seems only fitting to include here.

Varric’s Favorite Pastries

Leave a plate of pastries, fresh from the oven, to cool on a windowsill, and you might soon find a certain member of House Tethras lurking nearby. It’s unsurprising, given that the man’s first thought when it came to renaming the Bone Pit was apparently “the pie fields.” I can’t blame him, of course. I, too, love a good pastry, whether it be biscuit, roll, or bun. And after an extensive consultation with the famed arbalist himself, I’ve put together this sample, which is sure to delight! But whether you choose to leave them within dwarf’s reach well, that is entirely up to you.

Sugar Cake

There’s often joy in simplicity, as illustrated by this humble cake, which is topped with a sweet mixture of butter, sugar, and almonds. I purchased one off a surface dwarf merchant who assured me that it would be well received by any companion. According to him, even the Hero of Ferelden purchased a few for this very purpose. Of course, for me, traveling alone, this cake isn’t as much a gift as it is a perfect pick-me-up after a long day of travel. But perhaps one day, I’ll have a beloved companion to bake this cake for.

Lamprey Cake

The lamprey is one of Thedas’s more unique-looking creatures, with its long, slender body and toothed, suction-cup mouth. It’s also one that’s seldom found in the kitchen. Unless, of course, the kitchen belongs to Lord Norbert de la Haine, whose fondness for pickled lampreys was just as unfortunate as his desire to conquer the Free Marches.

Given that Lord de la Haine’s tastes were rather singular, it’s better, I think, to bring the lamprey to the dinner table in spirit only. Rest assured, you’ll find none of its noxious flavors in this cake. I’ve limited myself to merely borrowing its shape.

Tevinter Pumpkin Bread

Granted, I didn’t need much tempting to visit Tevinter. After all, how else was I going to sample Dorian Pavus’s favorites? But if I did require some convincing, these wonderful treats would certainly do the trick! Best of all, because the ingredients are so limited, I can share this recipe with more people than ever - provided, of course, I don’t eat the whole pan myself.

Drinks

Lichen Ale

Deep underground, food is easily defined. So long as it’s edible and capable of being scavenged, it’ll eventually find its way into someone’s stomach. That being said, the surface dweller’s understanding of the word edible may not exactly align with that of an Orzammar dwarf. The best illustration of this is lichen ale, the drink of choice among the dwarves in Dust Town. Put simply, it is toxic, and I do mean that in the literal sense. In sufficient quantities, it can even overpower the heartiest of dwarven constitutions. As a result, the rest of us must approach this drink with caution. Although most can tolerate a few sips without issues, I think we’d all much rather enjoy a full glass of any beverage–particularly when we’ve made it ourselves. I, therefore, took it upon myself to devise my own rendition of lichen ale, using the dwarven recipe as a base. Now we can all enjoy the look and (most) of the flavors of the original without fear of poisoning ourselves in the process!

The Hissing Drake

During my visit to the Gilded Horn, I chanced upon a group of young men engaged in a contest of sorts. The goal? To drink as many Hissing Drakes as possible in quick succession, with the person who drank the most being crowned victor. Evidently, they’d already had a few drinks before the idea occurred to them, as no sober individual would dare down more than a single glass of the stuff at a time due to its fiery effects on the stomach. In fact, when it comes to ill-advised drinking contests, I’d say this one is a close second to the game Admiral Isabela once played, with participants drinking based on the number of enemies they had. Suffice it to say, that one killed a man. Thankfully, in this case, no one died. But I think the young men managed only two or three servings before they were forced to rush for the nearest balcony, where they were promptly divested of all their pride and bluster. I have no doubt that next time the urge to compete takes hold, they’ll follow my advice and choose a soothing Fereldan ale instead.

Hot Chocolate

Varric isn’t the only one who loves sweets. And, no, I’m not talking about myself; I’m talking about the Iron Bull! Hot chocolate is a particular favorite of his, to the point that it’s practically a necessity. Although the cocoa powder he swears by is sometimes difficult to find, it’s well worth the effort. Add hot milk and some Orlesian guimauves like the Iron Bull does, and you’ll have a drink that’s certain to please. Personally, I’m partial to topping it all off with a bit of whipped cream dusted with cinnamon, but there are many ways to dress up a cup of hot chocolate.

Antivan Sip-Sip

I was warned that this particular drink packs a bit of a bunch. More than “a bit,” I’ll say. Anyone capable of downing an entire glass of this is made of sterner stuff than I! I could scarcely manage more than a small sip each time I brought this to my lips - and that was with the added help of a tall glass of water! Perhaps that’s why it’s called a sip-sip - because each sip of it must be chased by a sip of something else.

Dragon Piss

I really hope the name is figurative. It probably is - or, at least, that’s what I’ll tell myself now that I’ve sampled this less-than-enticingly-named drink. Perhaps the name Dragon Breath would suit it better? After all, it certainly burns like a dragon’s breath - both in the glass and on the way down!

Rivaini Tea Blend

A cup of tea is often the perfect accompaniment for any sweet treat, although it can certainly be enjoyed on its own. Personally, I’d still prefer the added biscuit on the side. Not just because I like desserts–I do, of course–but because it’s great fun deciding which to pair with all the various blends.

When it comes to tea blends, the most famous is probably the classic Rivaini tea blend, a mixture of peppermint, lemon verbena, oregano, and licorice root. It’s a wonderfully soothing combination that’s said to have healing properties. In fact, I believe Empress Celene Valmont I of Orlais takes it throughout the day to alleviate headaches. Given how messy Orlesian politics are wont to be, with chevalier cousins vying for the throne and elven handmaids turned both spymaster and lover, I imagine there must be a pot of the stuff boiling at all times.

The Golden Nug

From the name, I expected this drink to be gold, but it’s actually pink! Evidently, inspiration was drawn from the living creature rather than the golden statue I passed in Haven (of which I’ve heard there is more than one). A base of white Seleney wine sweetened with a splash of West Hill Brandy dilutes the color of the pomegranate juice and mulled raspberries into a softer, pinkish hue. The goal is to imitate the color of a typical nug, after all, not a severely sunburnt one!

The Emerald Valley

The sisters of the Chantry truly make some marvelous creations - namely, the spirit used in this drink. Distilled from over seventy different herbs and flowers, it has a complex, varied flavor positively bursting with all the freshness of an emerald-green valley.

Chasind Sack Mead

After having sampled some Chasind Wildwine, I wasn’t surprised to learn that their mead is equally strong. Some might even call it brutal. For me, the flavors are almost poetic. First, there’s a nearly overwhelming rush of honey, tinged with the sour-sweetness of apple blossoms, that fills the mouth with all the bright warmth of a summer’s day. But as the initial sweetness fades, there comes an unexpected bitterness, reminiscent of the slow decay into fall, then winter. In essence, the turning of the seasons, all in a single cup - well, sack (although you can certainly fancy it up with a stunning decanter, as I’ve done here).

[steambot-shenanigans]

I know what you’re all thinking

Well hopefully at least one of you…

“The fact that Sparky the robot has human bones irradiated with red matter is pretty cool, but WHOSE BONES ARE THEY?”

Well I’ll tell you, hypothetical person I made up for this post!

The bones that reside within the steam powered robot belonged to none other than Captain Sunset Val!

(Pictured: me as Sunset Val at my local ren fair today)

If the name sounds familiar, that is because it is from a The Cog is Dead song, Sunset Val, the Pirate Queen!

My lore for Val expands on the lore of the song, and postulates that it is a red matter portal that swept up our hero from our dimension and time to the land of Atlan (where dangers fill the waters and pirates rule the skies).

My lore also goes beyond the song in covering how she dies. The same red matter portal that brought her to Atlan where she became a hero also brought her and her ship back to earth. But when it brought her back, she landed in a time and place she had never been before: Ancient Egypt. She was the only one to survive the crash in the middle of the desert, and shambled to a cave and what would one day be part of Dandy Candy Rock Mines, where she died in a cave of red matter, and her skeleton was one day found by a certain space vampire…

[weebsinstash]

not to be Valentinoposting again because I'm sure most of you are tired of hearing about this nasty moth man but I was on YouTube and came across a video and like, since Hazbin has been online for so long but is only in its now-finished production recently, a lot of actual canon show lore has been given over livestreams and such, and it can be easy to miss, but--

The whole 'sinners not being able to die unless by an angelic weapon or special circumstances' thing? Can you only imagine how miserable that could be? I mean yeah, it makes sense, Hell is supposed to be a punishment, there are canon implications that Heaven and the angels are actually super rigged and fucked up and that "most" humans go to Hell anyways, but like, for it to be canon that you're stuck there suffering forever?

Reader is in Hell because they killed themself or something and then finally loses it and tries again and realizes "oh god I'm fucking stuck?" and I can only imagine the ensuing depression and panic from that realization

But can you imagine how being under Valentino's thumb makes this so much fucking worse though 😩 you're forever stuck at whatever age you died at and you can't overdose or anything so you're basically forever young and cute for him to play with. Can you imagine just being at your wits end and downing a bottle of sleeping pills and leaving a note behind and you just, pop back up again to see your employer standing there with your note crumpled up in his hands, absolutely furious because, he knows you were fine (besides whatever awful effects the resurrection and the overdose has) but it's the fact you tried to 'run away from him', that he was sitting here maybe catching some feelings for you and you've 'betrayed' him, that you were going to LEAVE

But I mentioned before how he would get super mad if he found out Reader has another job but like, really, could you imagine, going to serve him a drink and everything is fine and suddenly he grabs your wrist "what the fuck is this" because your hands are calloused and cracking and you've got little scratches and cuts. But even more than that, imagine a scenario where you're not even doing anything wrong, and you're out on the town with Angel one day and you're waiting outside a store getting some fresh air when someone behind you asks "you Val's girl?" And when you turn around to answer, BAM, you're getting jumped by multiple guys who absolutely beat your ass, and before Angel can come and rescue you, you're being grabbed by your hair "tell your boss Big Donny says to actually fucking show up for the meeting next time" or some shit like that. You're the unlucky little messenger caught between Valentino and another gangster's dispute, and fast forward to you having no choice but to go up to Valentino in sniffles to give him his message and he just looks furious and you're worried he's going to blame you when he just grabs your chin and starts examining your face and growling about all of this could SCAR. Don't these punks know how hard he's working to keep you in mint condition?

I can also see that if one of those punks happened to, say, knock one of your teeth out, that eventually you find yourself being dragged along to a dentist and before you really know what's happening, you have that same iconic gold cap that both Valentino and Angel sport, and you just know from then on that a certain Overlord all but wants to put you on a keychain and carry you around because, not only does he need to make sure you stay bruise and blemish free, not getting yourself up to any potential bullshit, or worse, cheating on him, but also because, now, every time you look at him and flash a smile or give a little laugh, there's that tooth, a roundabout mark of his ownership, sitting there anchored in your mouth, forever

[haliaiii]

VAL AND SAM INTERACTIONS....LORE....... HEADCANONS.......SKETCHES.......ANYTHING!!!! i need more content of them both or i will literally Explode

I don't really have any new sketches atm but have some random facts or something

Both Sam and Val can't cook great, at best Val can make a decent egg on toast

They literally eat nearly all their meals at the restaurant owned by Kain's mom (Ms. Wanchai)

Their main source of income is bounty hunting

Why? Because being a bounty hunter gets you a bounty license which can be used as a form of ID without needing to be registered in the government archives (loopholes lol)

This is great for Sam, who's not supposed to be in this era and is keeping it a secret, and Val, who's technically legally dead

This way they can continue to make a living, and continue leasing the apartment

Bounty hunting itself is a dying profession unfortunately because the risks and the government slowly trying to push it out

tbh in the Retrograde world, if you either work for the government, become a bounty hunter, or join the terrorist group

You lose your bounty licence if you don't complete a bounty at least twice a month

anyway enough bounty stuff back to Sam and Val

Bounty hunting gets them like around 800 USD (there's a different in world currency tho)

Harder bounties can go up to 2k or more

But it's not like a lot so they're kinda just scrounging by

On off days Sam usually goes to the arcade or a bar at night

Val spends most of the time inside, but he'll also take his hoverbike for a spin

Speaking of which, Val got his hoverbike in a street race against this rich guy during his early bounty hunter days

That's why it's so fancy

If Val sold it, he'd probably have enough money to buy a fancy place in the city

but he's way too attached to it, plus it's their only form of transportation

Otherwise they'd have to take public transport and walk

They have clothes they wear for bounty hunting and clothes they wear for normal days

They both actually have two of the same jacket each

They do all their laundry at the laundromat where Kain works

Normally, they do all their shopping locally but because it's a small town, sometimes they have to go to Jupiter because it's the closest city

Speaking of which, the name of the town they live in is "Level 4"

It's where Val woke up after "dying" and he hasn't really been bothered to leave since

Because of the halo on his head, Sam gets recognized pretty easily when he goes out in town

Sam's halo turns off when he sleeps, but he also recently found out if he covers the metal implant on his back, they it goes away somehow (however it makes him really sleepy when he does that)

Val used to smoke a lot but he doesn't anymore, he only does it if he gets really stressed about something or he has a nervous breakdown

There's a lunar eclipse that happens every year since the cataclysm, Sam is always super excited to see it since he's a big fan of astronomy events

Val has always felt incredibly sick on those days, ever since he was a child, he usually closes all the blinds and locks himself in the bedroom,

It feels like his blood is trying to claw its way out of his veins

It goes away the next day so it's probably nothing

Sam once developed a strong addiction to a specific cherry smoothie at a dinner and had it every single day for an entire week, he spent the next week in bed from a terrible stomach ache

And finally as a fun Christmas special

For Christmas, Val and Sam usually spend it with Kain and his family plus their friends,

they don't have a christmas tree cause those species of pine trees kinda died out overtime and are pretty hard to find nowadays, and they don't have enough money for a fake one they'll use once, so they just opt to decorate a random houseplant

Anyway sorry this is pretty long 💀 ngl you can bring as many hcs as you want, they could probably have a chance to make it to the canon-

[whumping-valentine]

@augusnippets Day 2: Haircare + Makeup 

Content: Sibling dynamics, extremely dramatic femboy drama prince, well-meaning yet disapproving family, moth racism yes moth racism also a bit of accidental infantalization.

Characters used: Valentina, Giovanni, and Arianna

I talk a lot about Val's sister, Ludovica, in the upcoming story I'll be doing here, but I never really talk about the other two. So let's do something quick with Gio and Ari. Well, mostly Giovanni. Beware, he is the most dramatic character ever. I have a love-hate relationship with him lol

Also if you think the dialogue is weird it's supposed to be like that. The royal heirfi just talk like this. Also I think I should say that these characters are royals as well as lesser gods, and an "heirfix" is a butterfly-like (or moth-like) creature that I came up with. I'll have art of these guys soon so you can see what they look like. There's a crap ton of lore but that's for the actual story to tackle.

~~~

“OH, SWEET SAVIOR OF LIGHT.” Giovanni cursed from his exasperated stress. “This is the worst thing to ever happen! Nothing has ever been or ever will be a travesty such as this!”

Arianna pinched the bridge of her nose, “Gio… it is not that large of a problem.”

Giovanni gasped in horror, “What kind of sister are you?! What am I supposed to do without it?! It is missing! Missing, Arianna! It is missing and I shall never be graced by the beauty of it for the rest of time itself! What is a royal without their crown?! I AM THE GOD OF BEAUTY!! WHAT AM I WITHOUT THE BEAUTY?!”

"Okay..." Arianna questioned how to approach the situation, "I understand that you are the god of beauty, and as such, want to be beautiful. However, it is important to find a balance in life, is it not? As the god of music, I do not cry when one of my instruments gets damaged, nor do I think of myself as lesser if my voice is not up to standard some days."

"You do not understand!"

"I understand perfectly. You see, Giovanni, what you need to do is learn to let go. It is okay to not always be up to what is expected of you, and you most certainly will not be taken any less seriously if anyone sees you without your crown. It is not the lavish gold which sits on our brow that makes us special, it is merely a cosmetic."

"Again, you do not understand! Cosmetics are my entire thing!"

A meek knock came from the door. Their sister, Valentina, entered, “Hey, um, Gio, did you misplace your crown?” She asked, presenting it up to him.

Giovanni squealed in delight, "OH MY SWEET LITTLE SISTER, YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE!"

"I- I am older than you..."

Giovanni ignored her, rushing to a vanity mirror to admire his restored reflection, fanning his tears with two of his arms. "Oh, Valentina, what is it that I can do to repay you?"

"Oh, well, I have just found it sitting around. It was not any trouble at all, there is no need to repay the deed."

"Nonsense!" He said, "You have mentioned early this day that you have plans, no? Let me doll you up! Who better than the god of beauty?"

"Oh, no, it is quite alright. Rosa is not one to care much for looks."

"Oh, yes, the moth."

"Yeah, my fiancée?"

“Yes, that. DARLING! Let me help you.” He said moving the subject along, “At least one of my sisters cares enough to help me!”

"Yes, yes, I can see when my advice is not wanted." Arianna said. "Have fun with him, he is your problem now." She said to Valentina, exiting the room while giving her a pat on the head like she was a child.

Valentina let her brother ramble and talk while he did her makeup. It was something he did often for their many family members. He was the organizer, the decorator, and the one with an eye for details. Though that fact is probably due to his incredible eyesight. Every god gets a power, and his was his amazing eye.

"Annnnnnd, done!" He said, and handed Valentina a heart-shaped mirror to see.

"It looks great, Giovanni."

"Of course it does, I am an expert." He said, and directed her to sit elsewhere so he could tackle her hair.

While Giovanni combed through her long hair, she stared down at the red and white checkerboard floors. She fidgeted with the ring on her finger, and kicked her tiny legs. She felt so stuck.

She had known Rosa since they were kids, and now they were engaged, yet she knew not one of her family members approved. Rosa was a moth heirfix, and the only one who had ever lived with the butterflies. Valentina loved her family, but she also loved Rosa. And her mother was the one who invented marriage! They probably think she's some kind of disgrace... and that's not even mentioning how everyone clearly still views her as a kid despite how much they insist otherwise. It isn't her fault she hasn't metamorphosed yet...

She shook the thoughts from her head. After this she will go and see Rosa, and it will all be okay. She smiled as she thought of her, closing her eyes as the brushed breezed through her hair.

Everything will be alright.

●●●

●●●

Narrator: Everything was not, in fact, alright.

[canon-asexual-poll]

Halfway Mark Projected Seeding

Based on the current interest poll results, the projected seeding looks as follows. Please note that there are still 3 and a half more days to vote, so the seeding and bracket is subject to change.

You can vote on any of the interest polls with the links here, feel free to spread propaganda on these interest polls!

Caduceus Clay from Critical Roll

Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb

Lilith Clawthrone from The Owl House

Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives (bi/ace)

Todd Chavez from Bojack Horseman (allo/ace)

Isaac Henderson from Heartstopper (aro/ace)

Connor Hawke/Green Arrow from DC Comics (allo(?)/ace)

Ca$h Piggott from Heartbreak High (allo/ace)

Peridot from Steven Universe (aro/ace)

Gwendolyn "Gwen" Poole/Gwenpool from Marvel Comics (aro/ace)

Mordecai Heller from Lackadaisy (acespec)

Kale Romero (aro/ace) from Monster Prom

Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls (aro/ace)

Dr. Sally Grissom from ARS Paradoxica

Maya from Borderlands

SpongeBob SquarePants (aro/ace)

Luffy from One Piece

Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt from The Adventure Zone: Graduation (allo(?)/ace)

Jughead Jones from Archie Comics (non-SAM asexual, aro/ace)

Coach (allo/ace) from Monster Prom

Sakuko from Koisenu Futari (aro/ace)

Takahashi from Koisenu Futari (aro/ace)

Jody Marsh/Runner Four from Zombies, Run! (non-SAM(?) asexual)

Mousefur from Warrior Cats

Isaac M Rydle from Val and Isaac (aro/ace)

Count Orlo from The Great

Twitch "Lore" Woodwind from Val and Isaac (aro/ace)

Nellie from Rain (homoromantic/ace)

Alex from AJ & Magnus

Anthony Drake/Argent Adept from Sentinels of the Multiverse (aro/ace)

The Professor from Gilligan's Island

Diane/Artemis from Lumberjanes (allo/ace)

Not seeded high enough: Bizu from Bizu (aro/ace)

Fun facts under cut

The first 3 characters are within 25 points of each other

Bizu is the only character to have a single digit seeding number

The curve is impacting 16 of the characters, the only characters shifted by more than 2 placements are Ca$h (+4 placements) and Bill (-4 placements)

The curve is not currently impacting who won't make it into the tournament

*the curve mentioned is the doubled points for votes on the significant asexual representation option. Placement refers to their ranking, not the number of votes.

[mothxart]

Can you tell more about your OCs in LC? I mean Lethal company.

Ohohoh!! I got a bunch of ocs! This might be a long post of facts and infos about them XD

I got 2 full teams of Employees (each of my ocs will meet one another throughout their missions and on 71-Gordion)

The first team consist of (by youngest to oldest) : Teyori, Peapaw, Meaj and Val

They have a hard time finding scraps efficiently and rapidly. It is uncommon to see them struggle with tasks distribution. Each of them wants to be independent and it creates this awful disharmony within their group.

Teyori is the most rational member of their group, always trying to calm the tension between Meaj and Peapaw. She manages scraps quantities as well as their economy.

Peapaw is a kind hearted nurse. She has a big heart, but an emotional one. She cares a lot for Teyori's safety. She is responsible of the well being of her crew. Meaj and her do not get along so well...

Val is the big brother of Meaj. He is responsible of the ship's equipment. He helps Meaj to write their log. Val is quite stubborn when it comes to do his tasks. He's a headstrong as Peapaw would say. Therefore, he gets himself in trouble.

Meaj claims to be their leader, yet nobody really listens to her orders. She is the sister of Val. She's responsible of writing logs. She is also a technician and will use her skills if their computer jam or break down. She usually choose the moon with the best adequate climate and the best loot.

The second team consist of (from youngest to oldest): Willow, Kadian, Bryan and Shefford.

Contrary to the first team, they work hard to be the best group of employees in the field. They cooperate and help each others in a conflict-free way. They have made up some rules to follow properly, such as to stick together to avoid minor complications and to never be all by yourself for too long.

Willow joined this team recently. Bryan took the responsibility of taking this newcomer under his wing. He still have a lot to learn about his job and this new environment. He’s quite timid but his presence is gladly appreciated.

Kadian enjoys working for the company. He loves to capture the most precious moments throughout his missions with his camera. He mostly logs his adventures. After a long day of work, he usually goes back to watch what he was able to record. With the help of Shefford, they create a plan/map of their surroundings. Thus his team will have an easier time finding their way to the multiple entrances to the facility.

Bryan is quite a special guy. Shefford thinks he’s been working in the field since forever. His expertise and his capability of handling the most thorny situations makes him a great asset for the company. He seems to be unflinching and determined to make the company happy. He is Willow’s mentor.

Shefford spend most of his time repairing their ship and resorting scraps. He’s a joyful mechanic who’s always ready to give a hand to other crews having small issues with their ship. Shefford might be bursting with joy outside their missions, however he has to deal with his crippling anxiety when it comes to explore new moons and gather loots.

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As for my other ocs (Sugarcoat, Yume and Florian, and some others I won’t tell yet)

Sugarcoat lives on Dine, (it’s probably going to be a subject to change.. with the newer moons coming he might live on an other moon)

He’s an average nutcracker of noble rank. He’s rather scared and anxious about everything yet this doesn’t mean he cannot defend himself. He will swing his lollipop mallet with fierceness, often aiming for the head. (I still haven’t developed his lore.. I kinda made/created him for the fun of making a candycore oc.)

For Yume and Florian.. I did not decided yet. They live in a manor that’s for sure, so I’ll just have to play the new Lethal company version to see the news moons, (I did not thought of their lore yet.)