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[sylvialabtronuk]

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[aeroblossom]

okay i found what i think is the most peculiar mystery in dragonspine so far

Or: khaenriah wasn't after the celestial nail or its powers, it was after STARSILVER.

tumblr i NEED to share this with you because it's blowing my mind. recently me and my friend were discussing this star shard you can find in a quest from 5.0 natlan.

this is a meteor according to the quest and context clues. it looked like iron, so we were trying to find out what kind of metal it most closely resembles, and then -

these are iron meteorites. i'm sure you can see the pattern matches almost perfectly. the patterns form due to cooling in the vacuum of space. you'll notice that the grass around the meteor in the original image is white. nowhere else, to my knowledge, in natlan is there white grass, which implies this is an effect of the star shard itself. and if this is related to the cold...

...you know what other material forms in the cold?

starsilver. the two looked similar, so we checked, and what do you know

(left: star shard [quest item], right: starsilver)

starsilver's description says it forms in very specific conditions like those found in dragonspine. what are the conditions of dragonspine? cold. extremely, extremely cold.

but if these two are the same material... you know what else that implies?

starsilver is extraterrestrial. and i think that point is compounded by the fact that albedo makes paint out of it. albedo. additionally, a high quality node of starsilver looks like this:

pink and blue-y. like glazed sand crystal, also formed due to meteorite impact in the chasm... but my main reason for bringing this up is because these two have a very particular color scheme - pink and blue, the colors of the primordial sea.

in the fontaine waters, the fontemer aberrants (the translucent versions of sea creatures that give you their abilities), which also share this color scheme, are described as 'xenochromatic'. taken literally, the word means 'alien colored'. this seems to be a reference to hp lovecraft's book, 'the color out of space', where strange water droplets found INSIDE A METEORITE, have a color that have never been seen by anyone before.

and albedo uses these to make paint. he uses alien rocks to make alien colors.

now, we've established that starsilver cannot be generated within dragonspine. until we come up with a reason why, there's no logical explanation for starsilver to exist in dragonspine. a foreign metal cannot be synthesized somewhere it has never been before, even assuming the conditions were right. dragonspine has, to our knowledge, never had any abyssal encounters or floods, so the introduction of otherworldly materials makes no sense. you can't create the real life equivalent of these meteorites on earth because the conditions are impossible to replicate. dragonspine cannot logically be that cold either because it still has flora native to its environment.

on that note,

we are often told that the celestial nail is the reason for dragonspine's disaster. but as stated, dragonspine has no history of abyssal floods, so using a nail there... doesn't it seem wasteful? unnecessary even? you might say it was because of their transgressions, but if that was the case, shouldn't us removing the nail fix the issue?

but all it did was remove one small snowstorm at the peak.

unless, that is what they want us to believe. they want us to believe that celestia did this. genshin is full of unreliable narrators. a meteorite crashing into the mountain would be no less of a leyline disaster than an abyss attack - which is what the nails are equipped to deal with. side note: i don't believe starsilver exists because of durin. durin's blood has the opposite trait of starsilver - it gives you warmth, while starsilver is facilitated by cold.

the strangest part about all this though, starsilver seems to be produced from the very depths of dragonspine. so if anything, the hypothetical meteor that gives rise to starsilver must be present at its very base. how did it get there? i have no idea.

anyway, let's say this is all correct. celestia didn't cause the leyline destruction, the meteor did. one final detail remains. khaenriah.

the final nail in the coffin, if you will, that leads me to believe starsilver and the star shard are the same, and that they're from outer space - is the famous ruin guard message.

For the nation, we can't forgo this skyborne power, but we failed.

what if this skyborne power is not from the celestial nail that fell...

but from starsilver? because if starsilver is an alien object, don't you think, as of perinheri, the empire most known for dealing with outer space entities, would want to harness the power of these meteorites?

[p.s.: and also, in the legend of the shattered halberd, they used an iron meteorite to make weapons. not farfetched for khaenriah.]

[jasmineandcedar]

On Elriel, themes, and character arcs

This blog is for my Elriel ramblings, and I feel like rambling about Elriel tonight.

I quite like to explore theme and buildup and such things, and I really like how SJM has set up Elain's story and arc. So I wanted to write something about both Azriel and Elain's character arcs.

I'm just going to pour out some thoughts here on a whim before I'm going to bed. Everything I say here will be an exploration of canon but it is not a judgement on shipping outside of canon. Fandom is where fiction gains a life of its own. Fandom is where we can ship based on vibes, whereas fiction is where ships are built on themes. And this specific post is about canon and themes.

Something I think often happens when people discuss their views on where ACOTAR is heading is that discussions revolve around individual plot points, quotes or individual character traits, but do not relate them to theme. That becomes quite fruitless if we are interested in getting to the bottom of where canon might be heading (which can be fun!). It's a good example of not seeing the forest for the trees.

So, I want to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I want to look at the forest (theme) instead of inspecting single trees (individual plot points, individual character traits etc, seen in a vacuum). Then it becomes so clear to me where this story is going, and I’m just left with peace and quiet, and appreciation for SJM’s skills in utilizing theme to effectively convey messages - and the beautiful character arc she has created for Elain! (And I happen to really like where she is going with Elain and Azriel.)

What is a theme?

I think of themes as the underlying messages that a work of fiction is exploring, which often ties to moral and ethical dilemmas and the human condition (the Fae condition?). It can be: good vs. evil, fate vs. choice, or forgiveness/redemption for example. They are the most fundamental drivers of a story as they shape the entire story and all its components.

How? Let’s look at three basic components : plot, characters, symbolism.

Plot: The theme shapes the plot by guiding the direction of the story.

Character development: The theme shapes character development, by making characters confront and in various ways relate to the theme. 

Themes equip character with different traits, virtues, and vices (which can be nuanced) that guide their behaviour in relation to the theme. Here we also have character arcs - how characters develop in their confrontation with the theme. There will be a starting point for the character, there will be some form of turning point that sets them on a trajectory to develop/change, they will face moral and ethical dilemmas that connect to the theme and eventually there will be a resolution where the outcome shows how the character has progressed from where they started.

Symbolism: the theme determines how symbolism is used, because symbolism is often there to enhance or reinforce the theme.

By tying all these components to an overarching narrative, message, themes give the story a common thread. Cohesion if you will. A story without themes will be all over the place.

I’ll focus here mostly on the realm of characters and character development. We have followed Elain and Azriel over four or five books. We have seen enough of their character arcs already to have a very solid understanding of the direction SJM is heading with these characters and to understand what character development for them would be, and what would be regression.

What I think is important to point out, is that SJM has stated that the ACOTAR books are about female main characters and their male love interests. The male love interests take a little bit of a back seat in ACOTAR (compared to for example TOG). This is in itself also a theme - female empowerment - that is present throughout all the books. So when looking at love interest, I think it is how the male love interest ties into his female love interest's arc that is most important (this is certainly true for Nessian and Feysand). The female main character in ACOTAR will never take a backseat to her male love interest. (And I'll get to why I think Azriel is pretty much a manifestation of Elain's progression as a character because they complement each other's arcs so well).

So, enter Elain.

Elain’s arc

How can we explore an arc? Identify themes? We can start by looking at a character in their starting point. What are their weaknesses? What obstacles are there for their happiness and fulfilment? Whatever that is, is what that character will have to face in order to progress. And in that, we can identify themes.

Elain’s arc has been constructed around the theme of reclaiming agency. Underpinning Elain’s journey is also her discovery of identity. To have agency, to make choices, she needs to know who she is and what she wants outside of expectations that shaped her in childhood.

Let’s look at her arc so far to understand why I consider these relevant themes for Elain.

Starting point

Elain starts out as someone heavily influenced by her mother's expectations, moulded to be an asset for marriage. Her mother quite literally says she (11 year old Ellain) has no wants or ambitions, she's just a pretty face and her and Nesta's (who was 12) "maneuverings" will secure an advantage marriage for Elain. Elain was groomed into having no say. Her sense of purpose seemed tied to her ability to live to up to the expectations put upon her. We see this in her holding onto hope that her relationship with Graysen would work out, even when all feasibility was gone, because it had been her life’s purpose to marry - it is how she was to bring prosperity to her family.

Turning point (What sets her on a trajectory to change)

When Elain is Made into High Fae and Graysen rejects her, she faces an identity crisis. Her carefully constructed future crumbles, and she is removed from the childhood environment where she was groomed. All of this pushes her to eventually have to confront her own wants and desires rather than the obligations forced upon her through childhood. Of course gaining seer powers is also extremely relevant here, but I'm focusing on the romance in this post.

Conflict

As she is Made, she is also given a mate, and within Fae society it is expected of you to be with your mate. It is a mirror to the expectations put upon her by her mother. But, removed from her childhood circumstances, we see her actively having to confront the expectations put upon her. She rejects the notion of a mate, refusing fate to dictate her life. And over time, we see her starting to learn to navigate High Fae society. She finds friends, hobbies, and purpose. She is learning to identify what she wants. She is beginning to develop an identity of her own.

We also see this in how she in ACOFAS and ACOSF acts “out of character” if compared to Elain of ACOTAR and ACOMAF. We see that in her sense of humour, in her standing up to Nesta, and wanting to get in on the action of the IC. That tells us that who she was in her starting point was a suppression of her true self and she is now in the process of confronting the expectations that dictated her life and finding her identity.

She was groomed by her mother to fit in a mould, but she is not who she was forced to be. Rhys has noticed, Feyre has noticed, Nesta has noticed, Amren has noticed. We all have noticed.  She also develops feelings for Azriel, and in his bonus chapter we find out she is ready to act on them. She is on a trajectory towards character development, and clear conflicts have been laid out that relate to her reclaiming agency - fate vs. choice.

Resolution

We have of course not reached the resolution yet, we have only barely touched on the conflicts and dilemmas she has to confront, because we don’t have her book yet – we only have its setup. But, given the arc that has been set in motion, what is the next, thematically cohesive, step? It is for Elain to move from being a passive participant in her own life, doing what is expected of her, to an active one. To becoming a subject, a being that acts upon other things, rather than an object that is acted upon and pushed around. To make her own decisions based on her values and desires.

Despite not having her book, we have already been introduced to some of her values and desires in regards to romance. That love would trump a mating bond. That a mate is not entitled to her time and affection because he is her mate. She desires choice in love. For her arc to be complete – she would have to go with her choice in love, Azriel. She would have to reject the external expectations put upon her and let her choice trump those expectations.

What would be regression for Elain?

The antithesis to exerting agency is to obey and fall in line. What could such regression look like for Elain?

Elain gives in to external pressures by accepting Lucien as her mate (despite wanting Azriel) for the sake of political alliances and social expectations. By doing so she loses her independence by once again conforming and prioritizing her duty over her desires.

Elain suppresses her emotional connection with Azriel and her own values – that love would trump a mating bond – and forces herself into a relationship that is “correct” by societal standards, but personally unfulfilling – once again acting out of duty instead of choice.

By doing the above, she would end her arc exactly where she started it, or worse. She would end as a trapped and powerless individual.

This would be an unhinged story to tell.

Lucien

Could SJM write Elain to change her mind and choose Lucien? As a hypothetical, yes. But it removes all the narrative impact of Elain’s choice. Because she doesn’t need any progression to make that choice - there is no growth! Elain’s choice would be the one that is socially expected, the one that is determined by fate, outside of her influence. So it is not an arc of character development, it is one of regression or stagnation. That is not how a story is told. It is not the story SJM has written.

The idea of Elucien often relies on SJM’s tendency to write fated mates. It is true that she often does (but not always). But that is irrelevant if it breaks thematic cohesion to follow that same pattern in this story. This story doesn’t follow the thematic buildup of other stories. It’s its own story.

It seems to sometimes be forgotten, but Lucien does not  want this mating bond either. A mate was thrown at him, like it was at Elain before they even knew each other. Lucien, having grown up within Fae customs, is reluctantly trying to entertain the idea. But Lucien had known real love, and the one he loved was nothing like Elain (sometimes people aren’t into each other). I think Lucien and Elain have a thematic buildup that is leading them both to find purpose away from each other – which I think sets them up to tell the story of a rejected mating bond - of reclaimed agency. But that’s maybe for another post. Lucien's arc is one I look forward to.

Azriel’s arc

Azriel’s arc revolves a lot around themes of self-sacrifice vs. self-worth.

What have we seen of his arc already, and what is the thematically cohesive continuation of it?

Starting point

Azriel starts out as guarded, self-sacrificial, perfectionistic, full of self-loathing, and as prioritizing duty and his Court over his own fulfilment. He never expresses wants or needs that are rooted in his emotional well-being. This entails that he believes his value lies in how useful he can be for others. He beats himself up if he doesn't perform his duties perfectly. But we have seen that the work he does with his hands (as interrogator and torturer) and the childhood trauma that is manifested on his hands have made him emotionally guarded, feeling self-loathing, touch-aversion and unworthy of romantic love.

Turning point

When Azriel meets Elain he starts behaving differently. He is drawn to touching her like we don’t see him with anyone else, and she never recoils from his touch – she encourages it. Her small acts of kindness (like gifting him the headache powder) has him feeling joy in ways we haven’t seen before. He relaxes with Elain in the garden and during Solstice.

He chooses his desire to save Elain above the security of his Court by, without hesitation, risking his own life to save her right before they are about to go to war, knowing how important he is for his Court as Spymaster, rare shadowsinger, interrogator, and warrior. This is a self-sacrificial act, but not one born out of duty. The difference from his previous self-sacrificial tendencies is that he is choosing to do it despite dire consequences of his choice for his Court if he dies in the process just before a war is about to begin. Before this, we’ve seen him prioritize politics and his Court over his own wants and needs (like choosing the alliance with Keir over Mor’s contentment, despite how we know he cares for Mor). His rescue of Elain is narratively important, and SJM gave it pages upon pages, and keeps pointing this rescue scene out in the books.

He also lends TT to Elain, which he has never done to anyone, telling her he wants her to use it.

Something is shifting his internal narrative about himself that has him behaving differently, and in opposition to his self-loathing and workaholic tendencies, when Elain came into the picture. (Don't forget the secret glances and brushing fingers - very much not ACOMAF Azriel behaviour!).

Before this, he seems to have been stagnant for 500+ years. Remove Elain, and he would still be stagnant.

Conflict

Azriel develops romantic feelings for Elain and is torn between his deep feelings for her and his belief that he should stay away because she has a mate. After ACOFAS we see how his choice to stay away is ruining him throughout ACOSF. He can’t sleep, he is isolating himself because he can’t attend family dinners, he is throwing himself at work and training again. All of this creates tension between his sense of duty (staying away from Elain out of respect for the bond and the political ramifications of getting romantically involved with her) and his personal wants, needs and fulfilment.

The discovery that Elain wants him too, Rhys ordering him to stay away, Azriel questioning the Cauldron and then discovering that the Cauldron is corrupted are clear conflicts and dilemmas he will have to tackle to set him on the trajectory to discover how he can learn to find himself worthy of romantic love and reach self-acceptance.

Resolution

Of course we don’t have the resolution to his arc yet. It will happen in the book. But based on what has been laid out – what would a thematically cohesive resolution be? His self-loathing is tied to his inability to see himself as worthy of romantic love, not friendship (he does have friends). So his arc would conclude with him accepting that he is worthy of romantic love - not because he is useful but because someone simply loves him as he is - and choosing to prioritize his own emotional needs and wellbeing over his duties and orders. All of these things are thematically tied to Elain – she has been depicted as the one that accepts and invites his touch, that Azriel chooses to relax with, the one he wants and that wants him too.  

What could be regression for Azriel?

The antithesis to Azriel acknowledging his self-worth would be to retreat back to his work and duty. How could this play out?

Azriel rejects the possibility of being with Elain, thinking he is too tainted by his work and his past to deserve it. He remains trapped in his viscous circle of self-sacrifice, putting duty, work, training and the well-being of others ahead of himself.

He retreats further into training, duty and work. This would deepen his feelings of self-loathing. His touch-aversion would probably get worse, and he might become more closed off from everyone in the IC because of his avoidance of Elain and his suppression of his feelings for her (since she is part of the IC).

He would end up exactly where he started, or even worse.

This would be an unhinged story.

Just to touch on G/wynriel very briefly: Azriel character development needs less duty and training, and training and duty is all that ties Gwyn and Azriel together. Because he is just her trainer. So, G/wynriel is not where we're heading because it breaks any and all thematic cohesion. It cuts the current thematic trajectory off like Gwyn cut  that ribbon and starts from scratch with nothing - leaving both Azriel and Elain stagnant or regressing, which is not going to happen after all this buildup (Azriel has also nothing at all to do with Gwyn's arc).

All in all,

As the character arcs of Elain and Azriel has been thematically laid out, it is Elain and Azriel this story is heading towards when it comes to their love interests. This is only reinforced if you further include plot and symbolism.

For Azriel to fulfil the trajectory of his character arc, as SJM has written it, he needs to prioritize his wants and wellbeing – his romantic feelings for Elain. He needs to de-prioritize duty, defy Rhys orders and act on his and Elain’s mutual feelings. To not do so is character regression.

Elain has to choose her wants, needs and values – manifested in her choosing Azriel – and defy societal expectations for her character arc to reach its resolution. To not do so, and once again obey societal expectations, is character regression.

Azriel and Elain are the manifestation of each others progression and the antithesis to each other's regression. They perfectly complement each other's arcs.

To not follow this thematic trajectory would be as if Frodo, when he had finally reached Mount Doom, about to complete his arc of the reluctant hero whose humble resilience saves the world, would have decided that he is actually not very heroic, handed the ring to the nearest Ringwraith and headed back to the Shire. It would be a bad and absolutely unhinged story.

This is why Elain and Azriel are ending up together. Because it really is the only thing that makes thematic sense for Elain’s story.

And then, when I have taken a step back to see the forest and not get stuck on the trees, I can go back an admire all the individual trees of their story in peace. But now I'm going to sleep.

[pianokantzart]

Hi Piano! I love your posts and your comics! I loved the idea of ​​making a Luigi's mansion film, I even posted some ideas, do you have ideas for a Luigi mansion film?

Thank you! I have touched upon the idea a bit, with @keakruiser adding some thoughts of their own. But I do have more...

Mario and Luigi start off the movie having money issues despite the booming business. Maybe they accidentally caused some sort of serious damage that they need to pay for? Maybe there's a family emergency? Or maybe they've been too generous with free plumbing repairs to the point that the bills are catching up with them. Either way, I want all the gold and cash that Luigi vacuums up to have some sort of serious significance.

Luigi tries to talk to his father and uncles about the plumbing business at Sunday dinner, but they all speak over him in favor of talking to Mario. Mario tries to nudge the conversation in Luigi's direction, but Luigi eventually gives up and goes to the kitchen to help his mother with dishes. There he has a little heart to heart with his mom, similar to this scrapped scene from the SMB Movie concept art, but with Luigi instead of Mario:

Please please please make The Dark Moon an element! Establish that it isn't just Mario's life on the line, but an entire world at risk of being swarmed by angry ghosts under King Boo's control.

And of course we need to have Polterpup! Let's say that "animals are the among the few spirits who don't need to be soothed by the dark moon," but unfortunately that matters very little to Luigi, who has an established fear of dogs. So we go into why! Maybe he got attacked by a dog as a young child and needed Mario to save him? This would feed into both Luigi's sense of helplessness, and guilt about being so frightened while his brother is so brave and selfless.

As Luigi gets more victories under his belt, and as Polterpup follows him around and helps out, they start to form a bond. Eventually we get a Puss In Boots 2 esque scene where Luigi has an anxiety attack after loosing radio contact with E. Gadd, before Polterpup floats over and helps calm him down enough to keep moving.

Have Luigi's semi-canon mechanical prowess come into play! At some point, midway through a particularly grueling fight, the poltergust gets damaged. Between running for his life, hiding in various locations, and knocking things over to buy himself time, Luigi steadily fixes the damage enough to pull through the fight.

Luigi and Elvin Gadd bond over being two (vaguely autistic-coded) weirdos. Luigi is surprised that Elvin Gadd doesn't mind trusting him with his equipment, that he doesn't get annoyed with his fear, and doesn't mind walking him through every tiny step. Meanwhile Elvin Gadd is like "Patient with you??? I love walking you through things step by step! You're one of the few people who'll actually listen to my ramblings! And yeah, you're clearly scared, but you've stayed! That's way more than most."

I imagine the people trapped in paintings are able to speak and move around, but King Boo can set their painting to a sort of "stagnant mode" if the captive gets too rowdy or mouthy. Mario's picture is mostly kept in stagnant mode for obvious reasons.

King Boo's confidence visibly wavers the further along Luigi gets. King Boo goes from "Why should I be worried? E. Gadd's a decrepit fool and his new 'apprentice' is a sniveling coward!" to "Okay so Luigi can use the poltergust... he's no match for my forces!" to "What is wrong with all of you!? Why can't you catch a simple plumber!?" to "I'm going to tear this man's soul apart with my teeth!"

Bowser was heavy metal, so I want King Boo to be operatic with a Gothic/Baroque ballroom aesthetic. Of course we've got to have orchestral version of the Luigi's Mansion theme, but I also want a cinematic revamp of the SMBW "Night At Boo's Opera" song.

You know how Luigi broke down laughing and sobbing when he finally saved Mario in the original Luigi's Mansion? That. I want that, with an extra dose of Mario hugging Luigi and reassuring him that he's alright.

[seranstuff]

What I think happens when Saiki and akechi eats cake together

Akechi: Did you know that the earliest cakes in history were more like bread? Ancient Egyptians were some of the first to bake cakes, which were sweetened with honey and had nuts or dried fruits mixed in. These cakes weren’t fluffy like today’s cakes, though! The first fluffy cakes didn’t emerge until bakers started using eggs as leavening agents in the 17th century. Oh, and the word “cake” itself comes from the Old Norse word kaka, which means “a baked thing.” Imagine if people just went around calling it “baked thing” instead of cake—how charmingly vague!AND SPEAKING OF VIKINGS…The Old Norse influence reminds me: Vikings loved honey. It wasn’t just used for food; they also brewed mead, which is a honey-based alcoholic drink. Mead was often used in ceremonies, like weddings, hence the term “honeymoon.” And weddings themselves had food traditions involving cakes for centuries! For example, in medieval England, wedding guests would pile small cakes on top of each other. The bride and groom would then try to kiss over the stack. If they succeeded without toppling it, it was said to bring good fortune. What an odd test of balance, right?BUT BACK TO CAKE! Modern cakes wouldn’t be the same without baking powder, invented by Alfred Bird in 1843. Without it, cakes wouldn’t rise evenly, and we’d probably still be stuck with dense bread-like versions of cakes. Fun fact: Angel food cake, which is all light and airy, uses no fat at all! It relies solely on whipped egg whites for its texture, which is why it’s tricky to make. Oh, and chiffon cake—did you know it was invented by a salesman? Harry Baker, in 1927. He kept the recipe secret for decades before selling it to General Mills.THAT REMINDS ME OF SECRETS! People love secrets, don’t they? Did you know that the Great Fire of London in 1666 supposedly started in a bakery on Pudding Lane? Imagine if it were cake instead of pudding that caught fire! Oh, and pudding! In Britain, “pudding” can refer to desserts in general, but originally, it was a dish made from meat and grains. This is why blood pudding exists! Nothing to do with cake, but it’s a fascinating transition for how words evolve. Speaking of evolution… EVOLUTIONARY BIRTHDAYS The tradition of birthday cakes started with the ancient Greeks. They would bake moon-shaped cakes to honor Artemis, the goddess of the moon, and light candles on them to represent the moon’s glow. Blowing out the candles and making a wish? That tradition came later. Germans are credited with popularizing the modern birthday cake during the 18th century with “Kinderfest,” a birthday celebration for children. OH, AND LIGHTING CANDLES! Did you know that candles were once made from animal fat? That would make cakes with candles a very smelly affair. But the invention of paraffin wax in the 19th century revolutionized candles and made them more practical. Wax, by the way, is fascinating—it can preserve things for centuries. Archaeologists have found wax-sealed jars from thousands of years ago, still perfectly intact. NOW BACK TO CAKE—AND IN SPACE! Did you know astronauts eat cake? Well, sort of. Space food is designed to be crumb-free, so they usually eat cake-like food in vacuum-sealed containers or in the form of moist snacks. Crumbs floating around in zero gravity are a big no-no because they can clog equipment or get into astronauts’ eyes.

Saiki: what are you talking about.

[yoyomomiko]

[TWO] — The haunted shed

☆ `` SPECTRAL SCAMMERS ``

☆ — summary: when cartman comes up with yet another 'get rich quick' scheme, he forces his friends, and you, into starting a ghost hunting service. armed with a mix of makeshift equipment, a questionable van and no actual skills, you begin taking jobs to "exorcise" haunted houses.

warnings: strong language, cartman being cartman

(a/n): it's so short and it feels pretty bland, but I'll try to get better and make the chapters longer :(( also, it looks like there's no ghosts in this chapter! at least for now.

wc: 2.7k+

★m.list

★series m.list

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The next day, you all met in Cartman's basement, which now served as your official 'Specter Squad Headquarters'. Cartman paced in front of the whiteboard, still scribbled with your chaotic business plan, a smirk glued to his face.

"Ladies and gentlemen..." He began, pausing for a dramatic effect. "We have our first job!"

Everyone exchanged uneasy glances, except for Tweek, who was already trembling.

"Who's the poor sucker?" Stan asked, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

Cartman waved his phone in the air proudly. "My mom's friend's neighbor. Apparently, their shed is haunted by some ghostly menace. Creepy noises, things getting knocked over, the whole paranormal package!"

Kyle frowned sitting on the edge of the couch with his arms resting on his knees. "Let me guess. You told them we'd take care of it for a ridiculous amount of money?"

"$50." Cartman replied with a smug look on his face.

"Fifty bucks for a shed?!" Kyle repeated, eyes wide.

"Hey, ghost insurance isn't cheap." Cartman shot back. "Do you even know how much ectoplasm containment costs? Exactly. I'm giving them a good deal."

You snorted, leaning back on the couch. "More like you're scamming them. What's next, charging a consultation fee?"

"That's not a bad idea..." Cartman muttered, trailing off as he mentally added it to his list.

Stan sighed. "Alright, so what's the plan? Just show up, wave a flashlight around and hope no one notices we're full of crap?"

"Uh, no, Stan." Cartman replied, rolling his eyes. "We need equipment. Real ghost hunting tools! If we show up empty handed, we'll look like amateurs."

"We are amateurs." Craig pointed out, but Cartman ignored him.

...

Within minutes, you all had rummaged through the basement for anything that could count as equipment. Flashlights were passed around, most of them barely functioning, as Cartman dragged a vacuum cleaner from a corner.

"This." He started, holding it up. "Is our spirit vacuum. It sucks up ghosts and traps them inside."

"That's literally just a vacuum." You stared at Cartman, crossing your arms.

"Not anymore." Cartman declared with a smirk, sticking a few glow in the dark star stickers on its side. "Now it's paranormal tech. You're welcome!"

"This is so stupid." Kyle groaned, running a hand down his face.

"You're stupid!" Cartman snapped. "But guess what? The customers don't care. They just want results. And results are exactly what we're gonna give them. Fake or not!"

You grabbed one of the flashlights, testing it's weak glow before glancing at Kyle. "You think this thing's gonna last the night?"

"Not a chance." Kyle shook his head, the corners of his lips tugging upwards, forming a faint smile.

His gaze was fixed on you for a moment longer than necessary as you felt heat rushing to your cheeks.

"Alright, lovebirds!" Cartman interrupted, snapping his fingers in your direction. "Save the awkward flirting for later. We've got ghosts to catch!"

"We weren't-" You quickly spoke up, but Cartman was already moving on.

.

.

.

The group assembled just outside the neighbor's picked fence. Cartman stood at the front with his back straightened and a clipboard in hand.

"Alright, listen up." He began, his voice hushed. "This is our first gig, so we're going to nail it. No screw ups, no whining, and definitely no blowing our cover."

"Cover? You mean the fact that we're not actual ghost hunters?" Stan raised an eyebrow.

Cartman glared at him. "Exactly. So shut up and follow my lead." He turned back to face the house, his face lighting up with smug confidence.

You all exchanged glances but followed him up the driveway anyway. You stayed close to Kyle, who was mumbling under his breath.

"This is going to be a disaster." He muttered, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Probably." You agreed, giving him a small smile. "At least it'll be entertaining, right?"

"You have a weird definition of 'entertaining'." Kyle glanced at you, the corners of his lips tugging upwards.

Before you could respond, Cartman knocked loudly on the front door. A moment later, it creaked open to reveal a middle aged woman with dark circles under her eyes.

"Thank goodness you're here!" She exclaimed. "It's been awful! Just awful!"

"Ma'am, you made the right choice calling the Specter Squad. We're South Park's best paranormal investigators, and we're here to solve your ghost problem." Cartman faked a professional tone, which wasn't really convincing.

"Oh, I just don't know what's in that shed. Every night, I hear the strangest noises... Scratching, banging, sometimes even growling... It's terrifying!"

"Sounds like raccoons..." Kyle muttered under his breath.

Cartman elbowed him sharply, giving the woman a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, ma'am. We've dealt with worse. Now let's talk about payment..."

"Payment?" The woman blinked, caught off guard as her brows raised in surprise.

"Of course! Ghost hunting isn't cheap, you know. We've got specialized equipment, years of experience-"

"Years?" Clyde interrupted, but Cartman ignored him.

"And we offer a guarantee of satisfaction. For a case like this, we'll charge a base fee of $50."

"Alright... Fifty... But only if you can get rid of whatever's out there." She hesitated, looking towards each of you in the group.

"Deal!" Cartman exclaimed, sticking out his hand. She shook it hesitantly before leading the group around the side of the house and into the backyard.

.

.

The shed came into view, at the far end of the yard. It was old, its wooden walls splintered, with rusted hinges hanging off the door.

Cartman took a deep breath, clipboard clutched to his chest. "Alright, this is it. Stan, [Y/N], you investigate the area. Kyle, you're with me. Clyde and Kenny, guard the door. Craig, Tweek- uh... Just stand there and look useful."

"This is a bad i-idea! What if it's not a ghost?! What if it's like, a demon or something?!" Tweek panicked, fidgeting nervously.

"It's not a demon." Craig replied flatly, but even he looked a bit uneasy.

You and Stan both glanced at each other as you both began walking around the shed, flashlights in hand.

"So... What do you think we're actually dealing with here?" You asked as you waved your flashlight around.

"Probably racoons." Stan answered with a shrug. "But knowing Cartman, he'll find a way to make it sound like a ghost."

"That sounds about right." You smiled softly.

On the other side, Cartman was crouched, pretending to examine the ground. Kyle stood nearby, arms crossed as he had a tired expression on his face.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Kyle asked as he sighed loudly.

"Ectoplasmic traces." Cartman replied, nodding to himself.

"You don't even know what that means." Kyle ran a hand over his face, sighing for the nth time that day.

"Shut up Jew! I know what I'm doing."

Kyle rolled his eyes but gazed at you when your flashlight beam caught something shining in the grass.

"What's that?" He asked, walking over to join you.

You bent down and picked up the small, glinting object. A broken piece of metal that looked like it had come from the shed's roof.

"Probably nothing." You responded as you held it up for him to see.

He leaned closer, his face inches away from yours.

"Still, good eye."

You felt heat rushing up to your cheeks, but before you could say something, Cartman's voice cut through your sweet moment.

"Alright, idiots! Enough playing around. Let's get inside and find this ghost!"

...

The shed's door creaked loudly as you pushed it open, earning a whimper from Tweek. Your flashlight glow cut through the dark, revealing cobweb, scattered tools and a floor with littered leaves. You quickly turned off your flashlight as you looked away from the sight.

"Alright assholes, try not to screw up." Cartman declared, clipboard in hand as he gestured towards the shed.

"We have to act professional!" He whisper yelled, eyes narrowing.

"How professional can we look with a broken vacuum and dollar store flashlights?" Craig muttered, but his words were drowned by Cartman's loud, fake cough.

"Why do I feel like this is going to be a disaster?" Clyde mumbled, rubbing his arms for warmth.

"It's always a disaster when Cartman's in charge." Kyle replied in a dry tone.

You smirked, catching the way Kyle's gaze studied the shed. He glanced at you, his eyes softening, though only for a moment, the tension in the air didn't feel so heavy.

"Are we doing this or not?" Craig asked impatiently as he crossed his arms.

"Yes, Craig, we're doing this. But first, we need to assert dominance!" Cartman sighed out in an exaggerated way.

"Dominance?" You repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"I like how that sounds." Kenny snickered, and so did Clyde as he nudged Kenny's shoulder.

"You don't just walk into a ghost's lair! You have to show it who's boss!" Cartman pointed at the shed dramatically.

"We're ghost hunters, not wrestlers." Stan stated as Craig chuckled.

Ignoring him, Cartman turned to the neighbor, who was watching nervously from her back porch.

"Ma'am, we're going in. We've got this under control." Cartman spoke up confidently.

"Please... Just be careful." The woman clutched her cardigan tightly as she nodded. "It's been making horrible noise lately."

"No worries, we'll take care of it. By the way, there's a $10 fee for ghost insurance in case it tries to follow us home."

"Ghost insurance?" Kyle repeated, squinting his eyes at Cartman.

"Do you want to get haunted, Kyle? Didn't think so." Cartman shot him a glare.

...

The group gathered their supplies, which were only some barely working flashlights, an old vacuum cleaner Cartman had given the title of 'Spirit Sucker 3000', and a few random tools from Clyde's garage.

"I still don't understand how this is supposed to work..." Tweek muttered, holding his flashlight like it might explode.

"It works because I said it works." Cartman replied, adjusting the vacuum strap on his shoulder.

You rolled your eyes and turned on your flashlight again. The shed wasn't particularly big, but the barely standing wood made it seem more sinister. Plus the cobwebs, creepy old tools and leaves left on the floor.

"Let's just get this over with." Craig sighed as he stepped up to the door.

"Hold up! The leader goes first!" Cartman held up a hand to stop him.

"You're not the leader." Kyle shot back.

"Yes, I am!" Cartman snapped. "I made the website, I set up the payment system, and I'm the only one here who isn't a total pussy!"

"Fine. Go ahead, fearless leader." Craig mocked.

Cartman smirked as he confidently pushed the door further and stepped inside.

...

The air inside was heavy and barely breatheable, carrying the scent of mold and rotting wood. Your flashlight flickered as you swept it across the space, revealing shelves packed with rusted tools and boxes stacked carelessly.

"Wow..." Kenny's eyes scanned the area. "This place is charming."

"Spread out, assholes! We're looking for signs of paranormal activity!" Cartman waved his clipboard dramatically.

"What exactly counts as a sign?" Stan asked as he stares at a random jar with unidentifiable substances.

"Anything spooky." Cartman answered simply. "Weird sounds, cold spots, glowing slime... You know, ghost stuff."

"You're making this up as you go, aren't you?" Kyle groaned.

"Shut up, Kyle! Do your job!" Cartman yelled.

You held back a laugh as Kyle mumbled something under his breath. When he caught your eye, his gaze softened, giving you a small smile that made your heart pound in your chest.

...

You all explored different corners of the shed, examining and looking out for 'spooky stuff'.

You crouched near a stack of boxes, brushing away cobwebs to get a closer look. The wood beneath your fingers felt slightly wet and splintered. You noticed a faint light coming from above.

"Hey..." You called out, shining your flashlight towards the roof, standing up. "There's a hole up here."

Kyle joined you, squinting up at the opening. "That could explain the noises. If wind's getting in, it might make the walls creak."

"Or it could be the ghost's escape route." Cartman interrupted, scribbling something on his clipboard.

"Pretty sure ghosts don't need escape routes." You sighed.

Cartman ignored you, turning his attention to a nearby workbench.

Kyle stood by your side, tilting his head thoughtfully as he examined the roof. "Good catch." He praised, his voice quieter now.

"Thanks." You replied, smiling to yourself like an idiot as you felt your cheeks warm up.

All of the sudden, a loud crash echoed from the back of the shed.

"What was that?!" Tweek yelped, clutching his flashlight like a weapon.

"Relax." Kenny spoke up, moving towards the source of the noise. "It's probably just-"

His words cut off as he stumbled upon a crate.

Kenny crouched down, shining his flashlight on the wooden box. It was old and had a loose lid that looked like it hadn't been touched in years.

"What do you think's in it?" Clyde asked, creeping over Stan's shoulder.

"Only one way to find out." Kenny replied, slowly taking the lid off.

Inside was a trio of small and furry bodies. Wide eyes reflected the flashlight glow as tiny claws scratched against the wood.

"Aww, raccoons!" Kenny cooed as he pouted. "They're adorable!"

"They're so cute!" You purred as you admired them. They were so small and it could fit perfectly in your palm!

"I wanna pet them." Kenny said as he reached out to pick one up.

The once cuddly creatures now hissed loudly, lounging at him with surprising speed.

Kenny screeched, stumbling backwards as the raccoon latched onto his sleeve.

The other two raccoons bolted from the crate, darting across the shed.

"Jesus Christ!" Stan yelled, jumping out of the way.

"Get it off! Get it off me!" Kenny screamed, waving his arm around crazily as the raccoon kept clinging onto his sleeve.

"Stop moving!" You shouted, grabbing a broom and trying to swat the raccoon away. It hissed at you, revealing its sharp teeth.

Another raccoon climbed onto a shelf, knocking over jars and sending their contents crashing to the floor. Tweek jumped onto a crate to avoid the mess, grabbing at his hair.

"Where are they coming from?!" Cartman swung his flashlight around wildly.

"They're everywhere!" Craig noted, dodging another raccoon as it ran past him.

"We need to get them out of here!" Kyle tried to block one of the raccoons' paths.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Stan yelled, ducking as another jar flew above his head.

"Loud noises!" Cartman quickly grabbed a rusty pot from a workbench. "Scare them out!"

You didn't have a better idea, so you grabbed a pan and started banging it against the broom handle. The others quickly followed, grabbing tools and smashing them into anything, clangs echoing through the shed.

Tweek kept flinching at the loud noise, but he also followed and helped the rest.

The raccoons screeched in protest, before finally rushing out the hole in the roof.

"Victory!" Cartman shouted proudly, slamming his pot.

You lowered your makeshift drumstick, panting from the effort. Kyle was standing beside you, his face flushed.

"Nice work." He nudged your shoulder lightly.

"Not bad yourself..." You replied, smiling despite what just happened.

.

.

You all stumbled out of the shed, disheveled but successful. The neighbor was waiting in the yard, fidgeting nervously.

"Well? Did you get rid of it?" She asked, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Cartman puffed out his chest, clipboard in hand. "It was a tough case." He started dramatically. "But yes, the ghost has been banished. You're welcome."

"Oh, thank you!" She exclaimed, reaching out for her wallet.

"Now, about the payment..." Cartman stopped her, holding up a finger. "It was an agressive spirit, so we're charging an extra $10 for chaos pay."

The woman hesitated but handed over the cash either way.

As you all walked away, Cartman grinned joyfully, stuffing the money into his pocket.

"First job: complete. We're officially ghost hunters, bitches!"

★yoyomiko ★miko

[thorarms]

On asgardian subcultures

Aka ive been thinking about this for months and youre all finally gonna hear about it

Obligatory disclaimer of im not an expert in any of this, ive mixed ideas from the movies comics and myths together so if thats not your thing im sorry, a ton of this is my own headcanons about asgard so ymmv, correct me if i get any facts wrong, this is an oversimplified look at asgard and how countercultures develop (theres no way I could cover everything), consider this post a jumping off point, etc. etc.

Subcultures Primer

Ok so, subcultures dont form in a vacuum. They tend to develop as a response to dominant cultures, and often aim to subvert the political and social norms of their time (see 70s punk, the us anti vietnam war movement that gave rise to hippies). They also tend to form in specific geographical locations, usually a city or county, and then spread further out (see the london 00s grime scene that spread through pirate radio stations before reaching mainstream success in the late 00s, 90s grunge forming in seattle and taking aesthetic cues from the clothes that were cheapest and most durable in seattle at the time). The other place alternative scenes tend to crop up is in music (see pretty much every subculture ive previously mentioned, plus goths, emos, mods, ravers, metalheads, northern soul, etc). This is not something I'll be covering about asgard because music history just isnt my area.

The only other thing i really need to mention here is the dilution of subcultures, aka the set aesthetics of a movement being co-opted by people outside that movement and diluting it's original message. While this is a real thing that eventually happens with all movements that have a set aesthetic, im not gonna touch on it here. Because quite honestly thats way too much worldbuilding for one post. You'd be asking me to invent like, all of asgard. In a tumblr post. Im not doing that.

Dominant Asgardian Culture

For asgard in specific, to figure out what the alternative scenes look like, you first have to figure out whats going on in the mainstream. Dominant asgardian culture (for me at least) brings to mind:

War and warrior culture, aka fight and die for asgard and be rewarded with eternal life in paradise, before fighting and dying again at the end of the world. Asgard doesnt have a huge military for nothing

Gold, and the wealth and political power it signifies. The fact that gold is concentrated in the palace at centre of the city is not an accident (gold actually has some really interesting chemical properties, including its inability to rust or degrade over time, it's many uses in scientific equipment, etc. Idk where else to put this, i just think it's really neat that gold doesnt rust, it's eternal, it makes total sense for asgardians to be obsessed with it)

A monarchy and rigid class system (see rigsthula/the high fantasy genre in general)

Extreme technological advancement, and a rise in scientific rationalism. In particular I feel that asgardians would look down upon the other realms, and consider themselves more sophisticated and rational, and less prone to superstition (of course this is merely a belief; how asgardians see themselves is not always reflected in reality).

A general sense of immortality and eternity. Lives stretching out unchanged for thousands of years. The preservation of youth from enchanted golden apples. It's all very reminiscent of an insect trapped in amber, or a city of immortal vampires

Aesthetically, this manifests as

sleek, shiny, very new looking tech, particularly in richer areas of the city. Think silicon valley or high concept supercars

art deco style architecture (whoever on the design team at marvel came up with that i am kissing you on the mouth it's fucking inspired)

gold armor/jewellery/ornamentation on buildings etc. primarily concentrated among the wealthiest citizens and districts

highly decorated buildings (specifically with very neat, clean lines and patterns, controlled curves, very mathematical and scientific designs, almost reminiscent of the art of the islamic golden age, also fucking inspired btw, seriously theres some great design choices in those early movies, like it was genius for the artists to pick architectural influences from great scientific ages throughout history and mix them with traditional viking age motifs and patterns, really great design work i feel like people dont talk about this enough)

The architecture of asgard itself also plays a role in the formation and maintenance of it's cultural norms. The palace is located in the centre of the city, centralising the wealth and power among those who live there, and leaving behind citizens who live further out from the centre.

The immediate areas around the palace would be home to asgards wealthiest families, as well as politicians/diplomats/ambassadors etc. Very wealthy landowners may have private lands here, which they use as gardens, vineyards, or for fancy rich people hobbies like foxhunting and horse riding. There would also be a high military presence in this area due to proximity to the palace.

The areas fairly near the centre would likely be relatively wealthy, and be home to a greater diversity of professions (engineers/doctors/etc). They're likely to contain big cities with big city amenities, such as music halls, universities, more niche and specialist shops, etc. These areas would be densely populated, with modern apartment complexes and a decent transit system.

Further out, more industrial areas would likely start appearing, with larger industrial cities forming particularly close to mountains and forests. More rural areas will start to crop up too, and will consist mostly of farmland and smaller towns.

The outermost edges of the city would likely be mostly port cities, with docks and large fishing communities (asgard is an island after all). Some of these cities would likely see some trade from fishing and beach tourism, but many may also be struggling financially. There may be some small islands off the coast in some areas, with their own small communities largely cut off from the mainland. Whaling would likely be fairly common here, alongside other forms of fishing.

In addition, the bifrost is the only way in and out of asgard, and is only open to a select few, meaning the vast majority of people living in asgard will never step foot outside it. Even some rich asgardians may never leave the realm once in their entire lives. This means that most of asgardian culture would develop mostly in isolation from the other realms, with very little cultural exchange outside of traders and extremely wealthy citizens.

Countercultures: Formation and Aesthetics

Rejection of technology and scientific thinking in favour of the supernatural/wisdom of old/outright cults (see 19th century gothic literature as a reaction to the industrial revolution). Would be expressed as returning to old technology (anything from drop spindles to whatever the asgardian equivalent of cassette tapes is). Potentially this could also give rise to pseudoscientific thinking as a backlash to scientific reasoning. Things like contacting the norns to have them read your fortune, or having your consciousness travel through the branches of yggdrasil, would be fairly common. I can imagine there would be a fair few grifters claiming they can "realign your spirit with the branches of the world tree. For a small fee of course".

Whilst subcultures can form anywhere there's people, they most often tend to form in places with dissatisfaction with cultural and political norms. In asgard, these would be places with little influence over the crown, aka areas far away from the palace that may also be struggling financially. These countercultures could manifest from a variety of things, including:

Anti war and warrior culture. It's likely that, during its long and storied history of wars with the other realms, asgard would have had at least one anti war movement. I reckon it would spring up during a particularly long war that funnelled resources meant for poorer towns on the outskirts of the city, decimating the economy and potentially even creating food shortages. The main focus of the movement would be class related, but may have some more general hippy style anti violence sub-movements.

Rejection of the promise of eternal life in valhalla and by extension a permanent state of self, with a focus on natural processes of death and the cycles of life (i can see so many weird teenagers being told that they'll be feasting in valhalla forever with their high school bullies, and i doubt that would go down well with them, like "fuck that i would rather literally rot in hel than see any of you ever again"). Aesthetically it would include rotting fruit, the life cycles of animals (particularly insects, which violently change forms throughout almost every stage of life), animal and human skeletons, mushrooms growing from dead and rotted trees, scavenging animals that eat corpses, etc. More hardcore members of the scene may develop a fascination with transformation of the self, and use seiđr to alter their bodies (think extreme body mods but with magic).

The sea!! Asgard is an island!! Theres no way they havent tried exploring the oceans surrounding the entire realm. Fear of and fascination with the unknown, combined with proximity to the ocean, would very likely result in a deep love and appreciation of deep sea life, and much speculation of what creatures and monsters might be lurking just out of sight. Almost certainly a couple of small cults will spring up worshipping some ancient sea monster that definitely exists for sure i saw it with my own eyes it was thiiiis big.

Rust. Any asgardian subculture worth its salt is going to reject gold and everything it represents. Rusting discoloured metals with thick patinas and flaking paint will likely crop up alongside every other point in this list.

Anyway this is all a very long winded way of saying that, by asgardian standards, loki isnt actually a goth he's a poser. He's a rich kid that buys £150 'goth style' clothes from ye olde asgardian punk rave but hasnt heard of bauhaus. He doesnt even care about rust.

[wheelsgoroundincircles]

1936 Chevrolet

At General Motors in 1936, vehicle testing was remarkably sophisticated. See all the equipment and methods at work in this original Chevrolet film.

Like many of the Chevrolet films produced back in the day by Jam Handy of Detroit, this one, titled Wind, Weather, and Wheels, was designed to capture the interest of a general audience. So the script writers take a few minutes to get around to the actual subject—we call it the “first, the earth cooled” method of storytelling. But at around three minutes in (feel free to skip ahead) we get to the good stuff: a tour of the General Motors Proving Ground and a detailed look at the testing procedures for the ’36 Chevrolet.

For the mid-thirties, the test hardware is relatively sophisticated. At 4:40 we encounter a vehicle-sized pendulum for locating the center of gravity, and at 5:40 there’s an early chassis dynomometer with full instrumentation. Steering effort is checked with a wheel-mounted torqueometer, while a fifth wheel validates fuel consumption. And at around 9:30, a vacuum pump and smoke machine are used to test the cabin seal. We enjoy seeing this old gear at work, and along the way, there are some excellent views of the Proving Ground in its early, more rustic form. The facility, still a busy place today, is modestly described here as “the greatest outdoor laboratory in the world.”

In 1936, Chevrolet was not the best-selling car in the USA. In fact, Ford beat Chevrolet in total volume in ’34 through ’37, no doubt due in part to the selling power of Ford’s 85 hp V8. But with 79 hp, Chevy’s overhead-valve inline six was at least in the game, and a redesigned six the following year matched the Ford V8 in rated output. At $495 to $655, Chevrolet undercut Ford in pricing by a few bucks in ’36, losing to Ford by a mere 12,000 units. Video follows.

[ridatcompany]

Ridat AVF: Automatic Vacuum Forming Machine with Dual Ceramic Heaters

Ridat's AVF Series: High-performance Industrial Vacuum Former designed for consistent production of thermoformable materials up to 12mm thickness. User-friendly touch screen controls, dual ceramic heaters, and fully sealed mould chamber. Ideal for automobile parts, aircraft components, bathtubs, toys, and more. Optional features available. Contact us today!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Private equity plunderers want to buy Simon & Schuster

Going to Defcon this weekend? I'm giving a keynote, "An Audacious Plan to Halt the Internet's Enshittification and Throw it Into Reverse," on Saturday at 12:30pm, followed by a book signing at the No Starch Press booth at 2:30pm!

https://info.defcon.org/event/?id=50826

Last November, publishing got some excellent news: the planned merger of Penguin Random House (the largest publisher in the history of human civilization) with its immediate competitor Simon & Schuster would not be permitted, thanks to the DOJ's deftly argued case against the deal:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/07/random-penguins/#if-you-wanted-to-get-there-i-wouldnt-start-from-here

When I was a baby writer, there were dozens of large NY publishers. Today, there are five - and it was almost four. A publishing sector with five giant companies is bad news for writers (as Stephen King said at the trial, the idea that PRH and S&S would bid against each other for books was as absurd as the idea that he and his wife would bid against each other for their next family home).

But it's also bad news for publishing workers, a historically exploited and undervalued workforce whose labor conditions have only declined as the number of employers in the sector dwindled, leading to mass resignations:

https://lithub.com/unlivable-and-untenable-molly-mcghee-on-the-punishing-life-of-junior-publishing-employees/

It should go without saying that workers in sectors with few employers get worse deals from their bosses (see, e.g., the writers' strike and actors' strike). And yup, right on time, PRH, a wildly profitable publisher, fired a bunch of its most senior (and therefore hardest to push around) workers:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/18/books/penguin-random-house-layoffs-buyouts.html

But publishing's contraction into a five-company cartel didn't occur in a vacuum. It was a normal response to monopolization elsewhere in its supply chain. First it was bookselling collapsing into two major chains. Then it was distribution going from 300 companies to three. Today, it's Amazon, a monopolist with unlimited access to the capital markets and a track record of treating publishers "the way a cheetah would pursue a sickly gazelle":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/31/seize-the-means-of-computation/#the-internet-con

Monopolies are like Pringles (owned by the consumer packaged goods monopolist Procter & Gamble): you can't have just one. As soon as you get a monopoly in one part of the supply chain, every other part of that chain has to monopolize in self-defense.

Think of healthcare. Consolidation in pharma lead to price-gouging, where hospitals were suddenly paying 1,000% more for routine drugs. Hospitals formed regional monopolies and boycotted pharma companies unless they lowered their prices - and then turned around and screwed insurers, jacking up the price of care. Health insurers gobbled each other up in an orgy of mergers and fought the hospitals.

Now the health care system is composed of a series of gigantic, abusive monopolists - pharma, hospitals, medical equipment, pharmacy benefit managers, insurers - and they all conspire to wreck the lives of only two parts of the system who can't fight back: patients and health care workers. Patients pay more for worse care, and medical workers get paid less for worse working conditions.

So while there was no question that a PRH takeover of Simon & Schuster would be bad for writers and readers, it was also clear that S&S - and indeed, all of the Big Five publishers - would be under pressure from the monopolies in their own supply chain. What's more, it was clear that S&S couldn't remain tethered to Paramount, its current owner.

Last week, Paramount announced that it was going to flip S&S to KKR, one of the world's most notorious private equity companies. KKR has a long, long track record of ghastly behavior, and its portfolio currently includes other publishing industry firms, including one rotten monopolist, raising similar concerns to the ones that scuttled the PRH takeover last year:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/07/books/booksupdate/paramount-simon-and-schuster-kkr-sale.html

Let's review a little of KKR's track record, shall we? Most spectacularly, they are known for buying and destroying Toys R Us in a deal that saw them extract $200m from the company, leaving it bankrupt, with lifetime employees getting $0 in severance even as its executives paid themselves tens of millions in "performance bonuses":

https://memex.craphound.com/2018/06/03/private-equity-bosses-took-200m-out-of-toys-r-us-and-crashed-the-company-lifetime-employees-got-0-in-severance/

The pillaging of Toys R Us isn't the worst thing KKR did, but it was the most brazen. KKR lit a beloved national chain on fire and then walked away, hands in pockets, whistling. They didn't even bother to clear their former employees' sensitive personnel records out of the unlocked filing cabinets before they scarpered:

https://memex.craphound.com/2018/09/23/exploring-the-ruins-of-a-toys-r-us-discovering-a-trove-of-sensitive-employee-data/

But as flashy as the Toys R Us caper was, it wasn't the worst. Private equity funds specialize in buying up businesses, loading them with debts, paying themselves, and then leaving them to collapse. They're sometimes called vulture capitalists, but they're really vampire capitalists:

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2022/05/private-equity-buyout-kkr-houdaille/

Given a choice, PE companies don't want to prey on sick businesses - they preferentially drain off value from thriving ones, preferably ones that we must use, which is why PE - and KKR in particular - loves to buy health care companies.

Heard of the "surprise billing epidemic"? That's where you go to a hospital that's covered by your insurer, only to discover - after the fact - that the emergency room is operated by a separate, PE-backed company that charges you thousands for junk fees. KKR and Blackstone invented this scam, then funneled millions into fighting the No Surprises Act, which more-or-less killed it:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/04/21/all-in-it-together/#doctor-patient-unity

KKR took one of the nation's largest healthcare providers, Envision, hostage to surprise billing, making it dependent on these fraudulent payments. When Congress finally acted to end this scam, KKR was able to take to the nation's editorial pages and damn Congress for recklessly endangering all the patients who relied on it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/14/unhealthy-finances/#steins-law

Like any smart vampire, KKR doesn't drain its victim in one go. They find all kinds of ways to stretch out the blood supply. During the pandemic, KKR was front of the line to get massive bailouts for its health-care holdings, even as it fired health-care workers, increasing the workload and decreasing the pay of the survivors of its indiscriminate cuts:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/04/11/socialized-losses/#socialized-losses

It's not just emergency rooms. KKR bought and looted homes for people with disabilities, slashed wages, cut staff, and then feigned surprise at the deaths, abuse and misery that followed:

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/kendalltaggart/kkr-brightspring-disability-private-equity-abuse

Workers' wages went down to $8/hour, and they were given 36 hour shifts, and then KKR threatened to have any worker who walked off the job criminally charged with patient abandonment:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/02/plunderers/#farben

For KKR, people with disabilities and patients make great victims - disempowered and atomized, unable to fight back. No surprise, then, that so many of KKR's scams target poor people - another group that struggles to get justice when wronged. KKR took over Dollar General in 2007 and embarked on a nationwide expansion campaign, using abusive preferential distributor contracts and targeting community-owned grocers to trap poor people into buying the most heavily processed, least nutritious, most profitable food available:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/27/walmarts-jackals/#cheater-sizes

94.5% of the Paycheck Protection Program - designed to help small businesses keep their workers payrolled during lockdown - went to giant businesses, fraudulently siphoned off by companies like Longview Power, 40% owned by KKR:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/04/20/great-danes/#ppp

KKR also helped engineer a loophole in the Trump tax cuts, convincing Justin Muzinich to carve out taxes for C-Corporations, which let KKR save billions in taxes:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/06/02/broken-windows/#Justin-Muzinich

KKR sinks its fangs in every part of the economy, thanks to the vast fortunes it amassed from its investors, ripped off from its customers, and fraudulently obtained from the public purse. After the pandemic, KKR scooped up hundreds of companies at firesale prices:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/03/30/medtronic-stole-your-ventilator/#blackstone-kkr

Ironically, the investors in KKR funds are also its victims - especially giant public pension funds, whom KKR has systematically defrauded for years:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/22/stimpank/#kentucky

And now KKR has come for Simon & Schuster. The buyout was trumpeted to the press as a done deal, but it's far from a fait accompli. Before the deal can close, the FTC will have to bless it. That blessing is far from a foregone conclusion. KKR also owns Overdrive, the monopoly supplier of e-lending software to libraries.

Overdrive has a host of predatory practices, loathed by both libraries and publishers (indeed, much of the publishing sector's outrage at library e-lending is really displaced anger at Overdrive). There's a plausible case that the merger of one of the Big Five publishers with the e-lending monopoly will present competition issues every bit as deal-breaking as the PRH/S&S merger posed.

(Image: Sefa Tekin/Pexels, modified)

I’m kickstarting the audiobook for “The Internet Con: How To Seize the Means of Computation,” a Big Tech disassembly manual to disenshittify the web and bring back the old, good internet. It’s a DRM-free book, which means Audible won’t carry it, so this crowdfunder is essential. Back now to get the audio, Verso hardcover and ebook:

http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/08/vampire-capitalism/#kkr

[transfemme-shelterdog]

You mentioned a while back that you were contemplating giving tips for tdick blowjobs and I wanted to ask if you would share them since I really need the advice

Oh for sure Anon, I can do that for you.

So sucking a tdick is a bit different from sucking other kinds of genitals such as cis male, or trans woman, all three of these require different approaches.

Here's what I've found helps best when sucking tdick, that has got me really good results

So you're going to want to start off with the foreplay, gently pull his pants and boxers down, and ensure he's comfy. Slowly place your face between his legs, with either his legs up and over your shoulders, or spread apart, I find spread helps best, but it's up to him what he wants.

Then, softly kiss his cock as you look up into his eyes. Tell him how perfect his dick is, how much you crave it, how much you love it. Really butter him up. Make him feel loved and appreciated, make him feel like the man. Feel free to rub up and down his cock, don't be afraid to tease the tip that's peeking out from his foreskin. Softly kiss the tip every once in a while, before moving back to softly jerking him off (best way to jerk him off is to hold his cock between two fingers and rub up and down, kinda like how you'd use a knife sharpener, as weird as that sounds).

Once he's hard and needy, softly wrap your lips around his cock. Now, you're not going to suck like you'd suck off a cis man, the equipment here is a bit different. Instead, you're going to softly suck on his cock. Like, actually suck. Pull it into your mouth like you're drinking a milkshake. Once you feel a vacuum form, you're going to want to lick his cock up and down, side to side, in whatever direction gets the best reaction. Alternate between sucking and licking, sucking and letting go, releasing the pressure from his cock. Play around with whatever he likes best, and just keep doing that. It helps if you learn to breathe through your nose as you're sucking, which is a skill that I myself had to pick up in order to get as good as I am at sucking tdick.

What I find also really helps, when it comes to my husband who is obsessed with my blowjobs at this point, is to lick the underside of the tdick, as I'm sucking. You'll notice that there's an area on the underside of the dick, where the labia that forms the foreskin opens up. Get the tip of your tongue inside here and lick ever so softly, gently caressing and playing with it, as you suck nice and hard.

It's important that you maintain your sucking, not letting go, even as your man bucks his hips and squirms. Just keep the pressure on with your lips, and keep licking in a pattern that he likes best. Soon enough, he will cum, and be crawling back to you for more.

Feel free to shoot me any other messages if you want any clarification on this, but I think I've covered everything that you need to know to blow your man's mind, and make him blow his load with your mouth~.

[imperiallife]

Imperial Life Holo Contest: Ziost Winners!

Holography & Contests by The Editor

Imperial Life is pleased to present the first round of results for our inaugural Life Day holography contest, featuring the most fitting of subjects: the Imperial Memorial World of Ziost.

Due to the impassioned plea of our loyal readers, we have agreed to award First Place to two holographers, instead of one. While Ziost, in current form, is accessible via approved travel visa, we realize that the present desolation is a poor reflection of the memories, beauty, and lives of the millions who once inhabited our former center of Imperial culture just a handful of short years ago.

Therefore, Imperial Life has selected one holo from present-day Ziost, and one holo, drawn from personal, citizen holographer archives, of the Ziost we remember.

Imperial Life presents: Ziost, a World of Contrast

"Light Persists" by Ahuska

"My first visit to Ziost after the cataclysm will always haunt me. I don't think there is any number of images that could ever describe the feeling of setting foot on that achingly empty world, or the very real pain of simply drawing breath in the fresh Force vacuum that it was. I wasn't there intending to collect memoirs, but, while walking the barren earth, I looked up to see Ziost's sun framed by the husk of a tree, like both the tree and the light were reaching for something, and felt compelled to take this holosnap. I think I saw, in that moment, a memory of the life that had been, and perhaps a quiet hope that the life might yet one day return."

Ahuska, the Wolf of Odessen

"A Memory of Life" by A. Ada Ams

"When I saw IL's solicitation for memorial holos, I just knew I needed to make a risky selection. Yes, it's an old holo. No, there's no way for anyone else to take these anymore. Maybe that's unfair. But I couldn't see how the Ziost wasteland represents our home anymore. People need to be reminded of the beauty and the life we used to have there! There was color! Blue skies! The gnarled Ziost pine and the delicate pink Adas starflower! Red tundrite groundcover and white snowbobs! We had white and black vinecats and red and black reptavians that shone iridescent in the sun!

"So that's what I wanted my holo to represent. It was extremely hard to settle on just one, but I finally did. I wanted the focus to be on life. The starflower is the primary subject. The warrior statue and the high-speed rail are in the background, over the Adasta Canyon with its iconic stone pillars. You go on a hike outside the city and this was life. This is what you saw! Or it used to be.

"It was stark. It was so beautiful."

* * * * *

Imperial Life reminds readers that our contest is open. Read below for details.

Best Views in the Galaxy Life Day Contest

Starting today, readers can submit holos taken anywhere on five select worlds. We’ll choose the holo that we feel captures the essence of that world, so get creative! One winner will be chosen per location for a total of five winning submissions.

The five eligible worlds for this contest are:

Ziost - COMPLETE. See results above.

CZ-198

Section X

Minboosa District

The Black Hole

Remember, creativity and uniqueness matters. Imperial Life isn't interested in everyday views any amateur could take! Consider how you want to represent your chosen planet, and get to shooting!

Deadline: Life Day (25 December 2024)

Rules:

No recognizable sentients!

Keep your digits and personal equipment out of the field of view.

Wildlife and non-sentients (such as droids) are acceptable.

Holos selected to win in previous contests, or contests run by other organizations, are not eligible.

Contest is open to any sentient, human or alien!

How to Enter:

Submit your holo via the normal method (Submit an Article).

You may enter for multiple worlds. However, you may submit only ONE holo per world, and only ONE world per submission (i.e. send a new submission for each world you desire to compete for).

In the title, specify the contest name, the world you are submitting for, and the title of your photo (example: "Best Views in the Galaxy, Ziost, A Memory of Life").

Post your holo in the submission box, along with your name or the name of the holographer you are submitting for. A description, your thoughts about the holo, or your process are highly encouraged but not required. (We reserve the right to edit for clarity & brevity.)

Optional but highly encouraged: a small head-and-shoulders portrait holo of the holographer with name, occupation, and homeworld.

Check the "Contests" tag to ensure proper routing and receipt by our Contest division.

Sharing is caring, especially during Life Day season! Reblog this article to let others participate!

Winner Selection:

IL is aiming for all entries in by this Life Day (however we are not immune to pleas for extensions, given reasonable justification). Winner announcements will be made on or about New Year's.

Prizes: Galactic prestige and publishment of your winning photo, thoughts, and identity (optional).

[onpointedfeetandbrokendreams]

Day 4 - DBDA Week

Day 4 of Dead Boy Detectives Appreciation Week: 10th-16th June by @dbdcentral

Prompt: Reunion

Relationships: Edwin Payne&Charles Rowland&Crystal Palace&Niko Sasaki

Tags: Post-canon, Paranormal Activities

TW: None

--

“Crystal, we have to tell you something,” Charles started one day out of the blue.

He looked giddy, mischievous, the expression you would find on a kid about to confess that they stole one of your freshly-baked biscuits. And while that in itself wouldn’t be such an unexpected image, what made the entire thing almost unreal - assuming a world like ‘real’ could even be applied to a psychic, living with ghosts, solving supernatural crimes - was that behind him, Edwin was wearing a matching grin.

Crystal raised a questioning brow as a form of reply, she had no idea where the conversation could possibly be going.

“Ok, so, you know we are ghosts, right?” Charles rambled.

Luckily, before Crystal could make a sarcastic remark, or curse at him, Edwin had mercy on them both and took the lead of the conversation:

“We have this little tradition. Every Halloween we go to a Haunted House in the countryside, where people pretend to be detectives of the occult, with useless equipment, and we… Well, there’s no other way to say it, we tease them a little.”

“You- what?” Crystal was having trouble reconciling the image she had of the other two with this new information. It probably struck her for the first time since she met them, that they were just two kids, trying their best in this cruel world they had been ripped out from too soon. Her gaze softened. “Why didn’t I know anything about this?”

“It’s your first Halloween with us, isn’t it?” Charles said, sounding a lot more like his usual, confident self.

“We used to have quite the nice reviews on the newspapers,” Edwin continued. “Then, they stopped writing those, but people still visit the house and they have a lot of fun when something actually happens.”

Crystal fished her phone out of her jacket’s pocket and looked at Maps for a while, searching for ‘haunted houses’ until she found it. 

“Is this the place?” She asked, turning the phone to Edwin so he could watch the screen.

“Yes, it is!” He said. Crystal had never seen him this excited before.

“Wow, this has so many reviews, I wonder why I had never heard about it. They love it.”

Charles preened. “Of course they do, we are professionals.”

Taking the phone back to read some more comments, Crystal had to laugh. It was probably the only self-indulgent thing they had allowed themselves all those years. One well-deserved night of fun without witches, or demons, or Death. She just felt a bit sad that she couldn’t join them.

As if reading her mind, Charles said:

“We were thinking that you could dress up as one of those ‘detectives’, so you could come with us, if you’d like?”

–

The outfit the three of them had put together was absolutely ridiculous. Crystal had a big yellow jacket with a stylized ghost on one arm, thermal goggles perched on top of her head, and a backpack with something similar to a vacuum cleaner attached to its side.

“Am I supposed to, like, capture the ghosts?” She said, while looking at herself in the mirror.

Edwin snickered. Full-on snickers. “Of course you know that it would be impossible, right?”

“But they like to think they can. You will blend in perfectly,” Charles finished for him. They were still doing that thing where they looked like they shared two halves of the same brain, but in that moment it was less like the usual dead married couple on acid, and more like two twelve-year-olds trying to pull a prank on their parents.

“Ok, I’m ready then,” Crystal nodded, unable to hide the fond smile in time before they could see it.

Crystal found out there was an actual tour bus taking people to the Haunted House and she managed to secure herself a ticket. It was painted in black and decorated with neon green and splashes of fake blood, and it was filled with similarly dressed people, carrying all sorts of weird equipment on them. Some people had laptops, others had devices that looked like small radios, and others that didn’t look like anything she had seen before.

Absolutely none of them had any drop of actual arcane energy.

When the bus started its way up the hill where the house stood, everyone went silent, anxiety and anticipation both equally filled the air. It required an extreme amount of self-control for Crystal not to burst out laughing, knowing that the very ghosts who supposedly haunted the house were riding on that same bus, elbowing one another and giggling, while making a list of what to do this time to scare-but-not-too-much the visitors.

It was a very run-of-the-mill paranormal experience, when compared to the much weirder and scarier things Crystal had already seen in her life. But Charles and Edwin were right, people absolutely loved it. Everyone took their time to set up their equipment and the ghosts patiently waited before starting to open some windows, slam doors, make pieces of paper fly. Crystal would lie if she didn’t admit that it was fun.

Until a second bus arrived, and time stopped. She couldn’t focus on anything else, other than the buzzing sound in her mind, her gaze fixed intently on the people entering the house. Or, more accurately, on the person.

“Niko,” she breathed out, running towards the white-haired girl like her life depended on it.

“Crystal! You’re really here!” Niko said, with tears forming in her eyes as she returned the hug and squeezed Crystal tight.

A few seconds later, she felt four other arms wrap around the two of them, followed by a lot of loud complaints from the people that came with the second bus that the haunting had stopped too soon and they wanted a refund.

When they separated, all four of them had matching glistening eyes.

“I came back to the mortal plane thanks to my sprites,” Niko explained. “I didn’t know how to find you, but then I remembered Edwin mentioning this Halloween tradition. So I thought it was my best chance. I am really glad you are actually here.”

“And she forced us to wear these ridiculous outfits too, which, for the record, should be a crime,” someone said from behind her.

“You tell them, Litty.” 

Crystal looked closely, and she recognized the faces of the two people, except in her memory they were a lot smaller.

“I don’t know what happened to them,” said Niko with a shrug, ignoring the former-sprites comments.

“We’ll start researching The Case Of The Grown Sprites first thing tomorrow,” interjected Edwin, taking Niko’s hand and motioning for the door. “For now, let’s go home, tell us everything.”

[4rs0n1stt]

“Experimental” // request

Donnie x GN!Reader

author's note; hello, yes, yes, yes i know. i have forgotten my sweet, sweet darlings, fear not! as i have been done by that devilish of hell (known as school) that has been upheld for the time being.

ok enough of that, this is requested by @/EvilAngelx on ao3(readers gender wasn't mentioned)

btw, will be doing a second pov for the rest of the fic !!

Synopsis: A crazed, infectious scientist and almost sane person swapped.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You and Donnie were doing experiments as usual and doing ‘ordinary and basic things’ as what he said. Mostly Donnie was the one doing experiments, and you're just being...you. Sometimes, you help, sometimes you don't. There's really no in-between.

Donnie offered last night to you if you could assist him on this body experiment, based off something Henrik Ehrsson made. You didn't have any plans on the following day so you carelessly agreed. Dating the mad scientist does really infect your mental capacity and mental health (ironically). Yes, infect you. Doing experiments with him is fun. You do get teased here and there, mostly from Leo's but hell, you're having fun.

You spent a few minutes in his Laboratory, waiting for him to finish his techy stuff that you wouldn't understand. There are forms of equipment and tools that were made by his Ninpo, illuminating his dark purple tinted lab with bright purple lights. His Lab couldn't be more purple, you thought.

You then hear an ecstatic hum from him, meaning he must've finished his thing. The bright, translucent purple disappeared into the air, a few spectacles of rectangular shapes were visible as it dissipated.

"I apologise for the wait, my oh-so esteemed partner!" He gushed, it was sarcastic...or not? You don't know, he didn't say it in the third person view. But you had to imitate him, it was ‘the way of the two lovebirds’ way of flirting that Leo have said..

"Oh! My oh-so esteemed erudite and complex scientist of a partner! I have been withering in the relentless grasp of the monotony in your precious laboratory.." You hold out your arm in your chest as the other on top of your head like a damsel in distress. That's too much. But hey, he's dramatic as well, you're just imitating your boyfriend after spending time with him for years.

"Ok, primadonna, enough of that." He chuckled at your behaviour, proud indeed. He had a soft blush, he always loved being complimented even if it's sarcasm but both of you know that you mean it.

"Let's start, shall we? Shelldon will help us out as this experimentation does indeed work on two people.." The said robot appeared with confetti, introducing itself proudly and confidently. Donnie stared at his creation, deadpanning.

Shelldon has a proud smile to itself, ignoring the mess it created. It bowed or lowered itself to make a bow to you. Yes it's a thing, it's adorable, but he somehow acts like a human. I guess, that's what AI is. That's what Donnie's supposedly child is.

"Waasssup??" It didn't even look at it's creator, it looked at you. It was trying to impress you.

Before you could respond, Donnie cleared his throat. Trying to take the attention of the robot to himself. He looked at his floor once again and questioned it.

"Shelldon..clean the mess that you had created. Right. Now." He demanded, crossing out his arms like a father. He acts like Draxum and you can't unsee it. The robot grumbled, but looked at the floor. A cleaning bot was on its way. A dark purple metal robot vacuum went and cleaned the mess.

Shelldon hummed, saying a silent ‘Shit's sweet, huh?’ to Donnie. Donnie just lets it go as he remembered that you're in the scene, he knew you'll be upset AND defend Shelldon. Oh how heartbroken he is, seeing his beloved turning agains him.

He looked at you with narrowed and a little dramatic frown from him. You couldn't help but roll and smirk at his attempt to make you feel pity for him. He shakes his head, he tries to refuse his smile sneaking, denying his defeat from his son.

"Ugh, come on... let's start this experiment." He gets up, walking forward to a pair of built placed treatment or patient chairs on both sides with the middle having a monitor attached to it. Despite the other irrelevant technologies littered around it, it's fairly neat and well organised. Donnie does like his lab being organised, or maybe started to organise his technologies again after almost a few months had passed.

He signaled you to come near the closest treatment chair, you followed and knew what he was signaling. You went to the side and sat, you put your leg on the leg rest, not laying. You were anxious as always. It is scary. But you trust him and you would haunt him forever if something happened to you.

He noticed you, ah right.

"It'll be okay, hm?" He smiled, touching your hand genuinely. He means it, he always has, every single time. And you love him for that. You sighed, touched with just a minimum of affection he acts just for you. He's not really good with feelings (ok einstein), let alone being in a relationship, but he still tries.

You lay on the chair, crossing your arms and shuddering from the cold metal hitting your body despite wearing clothes. He flashed another smile and went to grab a goggle looking thing. It was that thing he was working on earlier but it's not that instead it's an extra one where it's already attached to the machinery or monitor next to it.

"Just tell me- tell Shelldon if anything hurts, alright, dear?" He assured you again, he was a littleeeee bit worried but he's confident in his abilities. Shelldon interrupted him, cringing from his father's unusual and unlike behaviour.

"Ewww, just get it on with it already dudes!" It shouts, narrowing it's own digital eye. You couldn't help but be embarrassed or flustered by it. You stare at Donnie once again. Smiling back.

He puts the goggles on your head, letting your sight take over the darkness. It was heavy, it made you stumble a bit but you didn't made it noticeable.

You heard some shuffling and some sounds; assuming it's from Shelldon flying around. You hear some clicks from the machinery, pressing keys in the keyboard.

You wait patiently yet nervously...

Then your vision was ingulfed by the lab's ceiling. You looked to the machinery next to you, wondering what's going on around you. You were only then got surprised, you next to the machinery, you were there laying. Is this the experiment? You feel a light weight on your head, you touched the goggles, confused on why the weight changed. Before you could touch it, you noticed your hands. Anddddd....

"Holy shit-" You heard Donnie's voice echoing from your own ears. It was you who made that. Damn.

"Ah...dudess? Father- there seems to be a problem- uh oh!" Shelldon taps aggressively on the keyboard with his mechanical arms. Your body quickly sits down from the chair but both legs are still on the leg rest. Your body gets closer to Shelldon, you couldn't really make out what expression you're making.

Is your body or Donnie panicking? Wait- Should you too????

There was a warning that popped up, before anything Shelldon pulled out extra pairs of mechanical hands and swept the goggles and threw it, causing an explosion. Good thing it was a bare spot.

You wide eyed now fully sitting upright. You looked at yourself, finding your body fully wide eyed, you were tweaking. Donnie's tweaking. I mean- atleast it was successful? Right?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After calming down, which was about an hour. An hour of Donnie's body and your body fighting and defending Shelldon. It was hectic but you two tied, Shelldon didn't help much, he was making it worse by being a teaser to Donnie, throwing a raspberry in his eyes or a pixel emoji in its eye sliding.

But the experiment wasn't supposed to end up like that. It was only just a mere illusion, to see each other's perspective differently and even reacting to touch and whatnot. Instead of ending up on a safer option, you end up on this neural brain networks jibber-jabber swapping thing or what Donnie theorizes. Body swapping in history hasn't been achieved yet so it was still a mystery on how or why it happens. Maybe in the Hidden City perhaps? But you do know that Donnie isn't quite fond of mystic crap.

"Stop worrying! It's uhmm..not a big deal, right?" You tried to lighten the mood, still uncomfortable or unaccustomed to being in Donnie's body. Your body stared at you at disbelief.

"Dearest- we're literally IN another person's body! How can I not be worried-" Your body's hand frantically scattered, he was really freaking out.

"...BUT! IT'S QUITE EXHILARATING TO ACHIVE ON ONE OF THE MOST QUESTIONED AND THEORIZED EXPERIMENTS EVER!!! OHH!!! And- and..."

or not.

But you were damned surprised by his outburst, it was adorable but at least he's not that upset. Though, maybe you were the one who was freaking out. Yeah, this is pretty cool but it was quite terrifying.

He clears his throat, shambling you from your own over-scruntinizing.

"Cough cough. I mean is...that... I'll fix this, don't you worry." Your body nodded encouragingly, your body stands up and went to the explosion that occured and the machinery. Already dragging Shelldon. You would help buuuttt, what's fun in that?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The rest of the week, you were scattered around the lair. His brothers were surprised, seeing their own brother outside of his lab almost everytime. It was fun pranking them, saying incoherent words or sentences that isn't even makes sense and it was Donnie's mouth and voice.

Of course, there were side affects on your action goofing around. And that is, going and fighting off crime. After being exposed and have been well-known after defeating a whole Alien Invasion can make them be heroes and being heroes mean, fighting off crime every now and then. Mostly, mystic crime, it's a necessity.

Going to battle with no knowledge of Donnie's ninpo is hard, it was later revealed when you, your body went and saved you from Ghost Bear's attack. Summoning a purple, mystic rocket to Ghost Bear's face. Yikes.

Then now, his brothers full know who's the real Donnie and who's not. There were some questions as expected but that means there's no fun anymore. Of course, you got scolded. Though, it's fun.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

author's note; didn't expect it to be this time consuming, i swear im trying to get my ass from the ground and be more productive. sorry for the wait @/EvilAngelx !!

I have yet another thought on making another book (not a request/onshot/headcannon) but with various!rottmnt x reader and set into a more modern or more neutral terms for mutants/yokai/magic and humans (basically, living with one another like it's normal)