#using the argument ‘trans men are MEN. do not call ADULT MEN boys EVER >:(((‘

[vampire-nyx]

I always feel like strangely embarrassed when I earnestly like and use and identify with a term other people really seriously hate, like oh no. Am I doing self identification wrong

[southernbellafeminist]

Questioning Transgenderism

It seems to be pulling itself apart in pieces with all these different categories and sub-labels. I listen varied opinions and come to a more questioning state of it all.

Transgender, Non-Binary-Transgender, Non-Binary, Pronouns and what is consider 'social construct of gender'. The community props up 'the science', that the doctor's research backs up the reasoning for medical transitioning and that its completely safe. Yet, I can't help question how long has it actually been studied and by how many of these scientist? Who hears 'Puberty Blockers for Transitioning Kids' and think that's completely safe with no long term lasting conditions, then promote and protest to have it allowed? Those who have decided to reverse their transition coming out with their experience of how its easy to get it, but then realizing how hard it is to reverse afterward. Ironically, the argument given by the community of how many genders there are, some denying that there is male and woman, disowning the science from decades of study that such things aren't real. Which in itself breaks apart what transgender itself is on a fundamental, to physically medically transition to the other sex.

Coming from all of it created non-binary and pronouns, to change your gender without medical influence and just basic out appearance. Demanding others use the pronouns even when others could have no way of knowing and at times denouncing that it is only two genders. Wanting to dismantle the society view of men and woman, to blend and blur the lines and yet destroys their own use for the pronouns. Kind of destroys the idea of DragQueens and DragKings. Some of them even using pronouns in which that are nouns, demanding others remember and use them even if it sounds insanity calling one a bat or ghost. Pushing back against those who they claim forces their belief onto the community, but yet they are pushing their belief of pronouns onto others and cultures to reconstruct to around them. Even as of lately, a few (under the umbrella) transgenders of the smaller portion starting to demand they be dated/sex despite sexuality; that lesbians and men must have sex with trans-women or be labeled transphobic. Lesbians of all things, biological women who want biological women, attracted the biological female body and no related male portion.

I myself do not believe in using pronouns as such as they have, even though I do support transgender adults having their choice to transition. Basically having a line of reality to keep myself from falling into the confusing mindset that they have causing them such misery. Frankly, the most miserable people I have ever seen growing up in this world.

It leads to my questioning- How necessary is all of this? Changing your pronouns or transitioning, blaming gender dysphoria and that the cure is changing every inch of yourself. Preaching about self love and acceptance in yourself, but denying their biological body and further confusing their identity of themselves. Trusting so heavily in the doctors who give them what they want easily, claiming they have plenty of research on this more recent boom of transgenderism without question. I don't believe any of this actually helps with gender dysphoria, it's making all of this worse and getting as much money out of it. If somebody has gender dysphoria wouldn't you treat the mentality, not the body? Wouldn't you help them to become comfortable in their own body again and not say they need to change everything about themselves? What happened to girls who liked boy things just being a tomboy or boys who liked girlish things just being feminine? That Females and Males were simply more diverse than what history as taught, the reason for the skater girls and the fashionista men.

All of this 'treatment' hasn't really convinced me with confidence that it actually helped the problem, but instead made further regrets, confusion and worsen the problem. Especially trying to allow such things for minors, the youth who barely still know themselves, matured or understand the world at large enough to decide just a life changing choice. It's an entirely different conversation to talk about my views on the whole thing of teens and children. The entire thing becoming more complicated each year as more layers are created on this collapsing multi-tier cake.

[pbscore]

Mmm 🤔 I genuinely think another big reason that trans men and transmascs are holding onto the idea of ‘transandrophobia’ is because a good portion of them, including myself, grew up on this website where the early days of the trans community pretty much coddled and served us, all the time. And then, when many of us actually started to transition (be it socially and/or physically), it was a wake up call that reminded many of us that being read as a man by society means that your are going to be treated differently than how you were previously.

Like, this whole situation is just a giant example of ‘social amnesia’ because anyone who was on tumblr in the early days knows exactly what I’m talking about. There were hundreds upon hundreds of posts made specifically for afab trans/nonbinary people. There was constant encouragement for trans men to express themselves however they wanted to, especially if they presented in a stereotypically feminine way. There were whole ‘passing’ guides made predominantly for trans men and transmasculine people and rarely anything for trans women and transfems.

So to me, this whole ‘transandrophobia’ thing reads like a giant temper tantrum being thrown by grown ass people who cannot fathom that they are no longer those ‘uwu little soft boys’ from the early tumblr days of their own youth and that they actually have to be accountable for their behavior towards other people now that they are being read as adults/adult men. Particularly, towards women (trans women are obviously included when I say this but I’m just putting this here so there is no confusion).

Like, seeing some of them say such out of pocket stuff like ‘uwu I lost the privilege of having women as friends and being able to see myself as a victim and it feels so isolating being a man uwu’ just tells me how little they actually understand the ways in which systems of power and oppression work AND that they’re making their personal relationships with women out to be completely one-sided while suspiciously not ever considering their own behavior towards those women 🤔.

It’s never as simple as ‘women have it easy because they can become friends with each other and can see themselves as victims because of female socialization (which is literally a TERF term that blatantly supports bioessentialism…why are y’all using it???)’ Did y’all seriously forget that racism still exists for women of color? Did y’all seriously forget that many minority men will still have access to conditional privileges, as long as they can demonstrate ‘manhood’ in an acceptable way (which many of them do, so it ends up leading to serious misogyny in their own communities)?

And it’s really irking me to see not just some black trans men and transmascs feeding into this racist, MRA shit but to also see non black trans men/transmascs using issues specifically pertaining to anti-blackness (ex ‘masculine black people are seen as aggressive so therefore, it’s androphobia uwu’) to try to support their flimsy arguments and it’s genuinely infuriating. Even more specifically, it is white trans men and transmascs doing this while (ironically) denying transmasc poc their identities when we speak up against them. You are taking the context of anti-blackness away from those specific issues and trying to re-contextualize it to conveniently fit your ideas and it is incredibly harmful.

Victimhood has never been a ‘privilege’ for any women, except for cis white women (and even then, there can be limitations), so the fact that so many of these transandrophobia truthers see ‘womanhood’ as synonymous with ‘victimhood’ just tells me that they do not have enough nuance or even respect for what any women, especially women of color, have been through. Ask any woman outside of the US or Canada or the UK about their experiences existing as women. Hell, ask any woman here in the US how they’re feeling considering the insane amount of anti-trans AND anti-abortion laws that have been cropping up. Cis women, trans women, transfems, and afab nonbinary folks are all witnessing the same injustices of bodily autonomy as trans men and transmascs, yet this realization isn’t really hitting home to them.

They’re basing this entire ‘movement’ off of personal experiences where they are treated like the men they are, told to take some level of accountability for their behavior (which their tumblr addled brains aren’t used to), and then claiming that there’s some sinister ‘attack’ on masculinity when it’s far more complex than that. Femininity is in no way ‘rewarded’ as much as y’all claim it is, even in queer spaces.

Both femininity and masculinity can be rewarded and punished, in various ways, that are not going to be easy to understand at first glance. There are people who, when performing either of these things in the ‘acceptable’ way to a cisheteronormative society, will be rewarded the conditional privileges and acceptance that comes with it. And there are some people who will be punished for either not sticking to either of these or switching between them or mashing them together. However, there are many outside factors like race, sexuality, and culture that can also heavily influence who is more likely to be punished for these displays of rebellion than others.

I’m not sure how to end this but I do want to propose a question that more folks, regardless of gender, should start asking themselves before they start speaking on important social issues: is it really about you wanting to help the community or is it about you wanting to be noticed?

Because I’m gonna tell y’all this now…there is a world of difference between the two and you can’t have both, as much as tumblr will try to convince you that you can. If it’s just about you, then it can’t be about the community and if it’s about the community, then it can’t just be about you.

NOTE: if you’re not going to be nuanced or relatively understanding of the power dynamics I’m referring to in this post, don’t interact. I’m not about to argue with anyone.

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #2

It is absolutely tragic that I’m already adding to Adventures in Aphobia, but here we are again! Let’s get a look at the phenomenal post I will be addressing.

Hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I did. You know, the biggest joke of this whole post is the poster thinking ace people feel comfortable on Tumblr. I promise you they do not XD.

It’s funny how when queer sub-groups complain about bigotry faced from the broader community (this happens a LOT with bi and ace people, but I’ve seen it happen to trans people too), the bigoted queer people immediately call YOU the bigot because they’re actually more oppressed than you, which means they get to say whatever they want. I’m not going to even entertain the oppression olympics on this one.

The answer as to who’s more oppressed always boils down to: it depends, in what way, and why does this matter?

There are a TON of transphobic gay people who throw their hands up when they get called out for their behavior and decry, “But I’m gay! You’re not oppressed for thinking you’re a boy!!”

And honestly, some aphobes do want ace people dead, and not all homophobes want gay people dead. Why are ace people one of the only groups in the queer community who has to personally confess to almost being murdered, disowned, r*ped and stabbed all in the same day to have any of their struggles taken seriously?? Do you make gay people do this too, or do you ever just believe them? 

It’s incredible that some people’s entire queer identity is rooted in the fact they’ve been murdered or disowned before, as if the second you’re not being beaten in the streets, do you really face any struggles? There are gay people who haven’t been disowned or killed (obviously). They’re still gay, and they can still talk about homophobia without being mocked for it.

Bonus points for this poster, in what must be purposeful assholery, not even using a standard, accepted definition of what it means to be asexual. “Oppressed for not having sex”. Yes, because “not having sex” is the definition of asexuality. I mean, God, at least be original and come up with a banger instead of this lazy insult.

And if you needed any more proof this poster hates asexual people take a look at their do not follow list!

Imagine...literally being offended by someone believing ace people are oppressed. If you had room for this shit in your bio, you certainly had room for “spineless bigot” somewhere. Alas…

And uh, thinking minors can be ace is also a DNF-worthy offense?? Oh boy. I hate even having to explain this, but...sexual attraction does not ship to your doorstep on your 18th birthday. I know, I’m bummed too, but that’s just how it is. For real though, there’s no argument to saying minors can’t be ace. Trick question, but not really: can minors experience sexual attraction? Obviously yes. Have you met a teenager? It’s insane that aphobes will argue asexual people are sexualizing children by allowing them the right to define their own feelings. And they always use straw men like that there are seven-year-olds identifying as asexual. Bitch, where? Even if you could search the planet and find me one, you wouldn’t be making a point. 

“BUT WHAT IF THEY EXPERIENCE SEXUAL ATTRACTION LATER?”

Gasp, a person changing their label later in life? The horror! How ever will they cancel their subscription? Aphobes, people change labels all the time. None of y’all seem this pressed when a lesbian later identifies as bisexual. I promise it’s okay.

There is literally nothing predatory about acknowledging minors can feel sexual attraction. Not only is it a fact provable but a five-second stint at any high school, but if you really think that’s creepy...that says more about you than anyone else. Just because minors experience sexual attraction doesn’t mean creepy-ass adults can take advantage of them.

Also...love that this poster said “LGBT aces are fine obv”. Is it obvious?? God, I love how aphobes will literally foam at the mouth about how asexual people are a bunch of attention-seeking, pedophiles who are trying to recruit children then immediately tag on a quick “but of course I support LGBT aces!!”. Are these people really so fucking thick they think their words don’t apply to bi, gay and trans aces?? I have yet to meet a single gay, bi or trans ace who feels positively about ace exclusionists. Your rhetoric inherently harms all ace people because it doesn’t give gay, bi and trans aces room to talk about their aphobic experiences. You don’t get to only support one part of their queer identity and expect a pat on the back. You’re a fucking aphobe, and you can’t cozy that up with your empty words of support for only the “good” aces. 

[transsexualhamlet]

pushing my shameless trans agenda onto liam

Hi i just think he’s transgender have you seen the man

Ok so obviously I’m not intending to say this is canon or ever will be canon i just think it would be Neat and i can fit it within canon since well we really can’t tell and there’s honestly a lot of things that fit with it :) also it’s just my favorite characters get hit with the transgenderification beam bc i say so

The whole argument is basically:

-the Name Situation

-his appearance and mannerisms

-his Past TM 

-the Bond Situation

-and because I said so

But yeah so the main reason this came to mind is because of the whole deal with his name. I made a previous post on this but yeah, the thing about liam’s name is a big deal, and you know, as a trans person I see it and relate it to that.

The main thing is that there was no necessity to change his name. Louis never changed his first name, and there was no need to. And it’s never really gone over why william’s past life is so important to cover up, other than the fact that he did a court case where he threatened to cut a guy’s arm off when he was like eight, but that’s like... you know, that’s reasonable. He’s very very protective of his past identity, where louis kind of isn’t. 

And the fact is, William isn’t an alias, he didn’t have to take that name, he isn’t just doing it out of necessity- he truly does identify with that name, proven in many ways. He enjoys nicknames derived from it. And the thing most indicative of this is Sherlock. In chapter 53, he goes wayyyy out of his comfort zone to actually reveal his past identity and his name. Sherlock knows it, the entire point is to reveal that to him, as a way of giving up the last and most important of his secrets. And yet, even then, William signs his letter ‘William James Moriarty’, though it’s supposed to be his innermost, most vulnerable self.

This pretty much says for sure it’s the name he wants to be called, the name he identifies with, and not whatever his name used to be. It’s important to him, and that’s not a front- have you read that fucking letter? If he was going to admit himself as anything else, it would be there.

Sherlock respects that as well- if there was ever a time when Sherlock would not call him liam, it would be in chapter 55. And yet the most important thing is that he still did call him Liam. He was accepting this dude even though he used to be something else, he didn’t care and he was still willing to save him and love him. Hmmm Sherlock allegory for Trans Ally lmao. 

How the identity and name itself is treated also makes it seem even more a positive represetation of a deadname situation. They never tell us his name. And that’s like... honestly important. They’re going out of their way to say that his old name isn’t important. They’re not keeping it secret for any reason than to show that it doesn’t matter, that no matter what he used to be, William James Moriarty is what he is now.

Anyway, other than the name situation, there are still a lot of other factors that go into my thoughts about it.

A lot of his behaviors are indicative to it, especially when he is a kid there are moments where im just like “haha this is an allegory for transgenderism”. 

Like first and foremost have you seen how this man looks as a kid? That is the most androgynous motherfucker you’ve ever laid eyes on. No one would honestly be able to tell, the way he looks as a kid is in no way disproving this- kind of the opposite, in fact.

are you honestly looking at this face and telling me rn you know that’s a cisgender boy?

And honestly, the fact that Albert lends him some of his old clothes just to go around outside in, and then when he comes back the butler is like Take Those Off Right Now Those Aren’t For You is like. Hm. That’s a gender thing. It’s obviously not the case but yknow, another allegory TM.

In his own orphanage as well, he basically took the ‘eldest daughter’ role to a T. He was doing all the chores, taking care of the children, teaching them things, actually managing all the finances as a Child, and kind of thanklessly getting handed this workload he took on bc, you know, eldest daughter. This role just isn’t really given to guys, no matter if they’re Smart TM? I feel like an amab person here would be given the oooh special gifted kid treatment but he’s not, they mostly just use him there as “free extra mom and 100% adult at 12″.

Another big thing is the entire situation around bond, who is literally a canon trans character. For this time period, the way the Moriartys handled the situation seems almost comically out of place. These dudes from the 1800s really just were like “oh yeah ofc you’re a man and we’ll fight anyone who says otherwise and facilitate you in any way possible”- they accepted it without even having to come to terms with the idea that it could be a thing. Bond clarifies constantly that it isn’t about him filling a role, that this is genuinely him, there’s no doubt about it. They clearly have run across it before, and it’s a significant and important issue to them that at least one of them has to have experienced firsthand. It literally just doesn’t make any sense otherwise.

Also in this situation I think it’s kind of funny that the one name they have on hand for the transgenders is James like come on you can do better than that

The parallels between him and Bond also make the whole situation really funny, especially with Sherlock bc it’s like wow sherlock i see you have a type and it’s blond trans men. 

Plus, the man is overly secretive, he refuses to let anyone but Louis in his room and just generally doesn’t let people he doesn’t trust get close to him, obviously there are plenty of valid secrets he is keeping, it’s just another thing that points to it.

And I mean, honestly. Just look at the dude. Transgender trait: awful haircut. It’s the awful trans haircut you get from having a Gender Moment and going to a cis barber like “cut my hair short” and they give you karen hair. Somehow he owns it? But it’s an objectively terrible haircut.

My last point: because I said so. All my favorite characters get the transgenderification beam.

So you know, I refuse to believe he is cis until they decide we get to see him shirtless, come on anime team, don’t be cowards lmao

[xclusivetism]

Debunking ‘gender identity’ by gender ≠ sex.

Having gender identity may seem noble divergence from our gender rigid society, the solution to stop such and embrace self-expression.

However after examining it through, ‘gender identity’ the way the ideology says doesn’t really exist and actually still perpetuates gender conformity.

And no, there’s no need for “there’s only two sexes” or any science  argument at all to disprove gender identity. Gender ideology so f l a w e d that it can do it perfectly itself out of any of above the fastest just by Gender ≠ sex.

You probably read many things that try to disprove gender and thought it was wrong or outdated that scientist have discover there’s people with XXXY.

But after reading this, If it doesn’t peak you or at least make you question gender, then i honestly really don’t know what will other than to call you deluded.

What is Gender

Gender ≠ sex is the essential foundation of gender.

To order to know the difference, we need to know what individually each are.

Gender is a social construct

Gender Identity

Gender expression

That means.

Sex is a physical construct

Sex

Sexual orientation

The first thing that instantly break Gender ≠ sex

“Sex is not binary, Sex is a spectrum or intersex exist”

That already outed you as a hypocrite especially when responding to “there’s only two sexes” saying that they’re conflating sex and gender.

Why should sex being binary or not be relevant to gender identity?

LGB and T are antithetical.

Since Gender ≠ Sex, LGB and T shouldn’t be consider one.

Sexuality is a Sexual orientation not a gender orientation, to suggest it means gender too is conflation.

For a trans-woman to say they’re lesbian or a trans-man to say they’re gay is incorrect & impossible because they’re straight. Gender identity doesn’t shift sexuality status because they’re separate things and to suggest so is homophobic. For a trans to say that invalidates their identity is another conflation of gender and sex.

LGB is a sex-based group while T is a gender-based group. One’s based on sexual attraction and the other is based on changing gender, they are absolutely nothing alike.

‘Cis’ is enough entitlement to be trans exclusive.

Terfs don’t like being called ‘Cis’

But let’s say they drop the belief that “transwomen aren’t real women” and say “transwomen aren’t ciswomen” and want spaces of their own

They put the ‘Cis’ prefix 

Cis woman schools

Cis woman attracted

Cis woman bathroom

Cis woman sports

Cis woman locker rooms

Cis woman administrator 

Cis woman health

Cis women history

etc.

Instead of saying “only women can breastfeed” they use “only AFAB can breastfeed”.

According to TRA logic, all that would be valid.

To for one to say that’s segregation, you would also have to believe separation of men and women or other types groups is segregation as well. A Cis person doesn’t have the trans experience and that goes the other way around.

‘Transwo/man’ is transphobic itself.

Gender ≠ Sex physical transitioning would be a conflation.

If it’s not a conflation, that would imply that physical features are social constructs which includes reproduction, sexuality etc.

Gender is a social construct, all you need to be a gender is identify.

Gender dysphoria is only a social dysphoria, if it’s about the physical then it’s really sex dysphoria. To say it isn’t is conflation.

But even identifying as a ‘wo/man’ itself also is transphobic because the meaning behind it is sex base.

the definition of wo/man.

Adult human fe/male being

What does fe/male mean?

(Female) of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) which can be fertilized by male gametes.

(Male) of or denoting the sex that produces small, typically motile gametes, especially spermatozoa, with which a female may be fertilized or inseminated to produce offspring.

One can go down in the definition to point that it also means this.

Relating to wo/men or the fe/male gender.

To say wo/man in the definition also refer to gender, isn’t that a conflation and breaking Gender ≠ Sex? My oh my so many usage of the word conflation.

Gender identity.

Non-binary is not a gender, nothing of it say it’s a gender. It’s just non-binary of something which is usually assumed of not being man or woman. But not being a man or woman doesn’t say of what it is only of what it is not. If the binary part is something else that mean a person who identifies as a woman or man (including cis) can be considered non-binary. Non-binary is really just a slot. 

So far the solid identifies are

Man

Woman

Neutrois

Queer

Agender 

Androgyne is both man and woman. Genderqueer wo/man is both of queer and wo/man. Pangender is all.

Everything else is either a flux, degree, combination of the above or based on a different concept. Things like such as bigender are umbrella because it doesn’t specify if it’s man or woman or something else.

That being said, the only one that’s truly gender non-conformist is agender. Queer is still gender conforming just not to man or woman.

What are the distinctive qualities of each identity?

It’s said that gender expression is different than identity and that someone who identifies as a boy can be very feminine still.

So we’re not gonna use association of masculinity, femininity etc. to define it then.

So what identity mean is it’s usually answered as someone’s ‘personal sense.’

If it’s a personal sense that mean it would be mean it’s a personal construct.

Personal or social construct regardless, it doesn’t say the characteristics. If you can’t point out what to define the labels become hallow. 

There’s many things that aren’t concrete that can show one it’s existence.

An abstract thing like 1, can present it’s existence.

A thing we cannot fully see of like the 4D can present it’s existence.

Even pseudo scientific like zodiacs signs have specific qualities to describe, personality types and even religion has something to define.

In the means of gender, all the identities really sums down to meaningless labels. In the means of sex, the word woman or man are names for physical characteristics that is observed at birth. 

Problem with “assigned gender identity at birth”

No one was “assigned” at birth, “cis” people don’t match what their doctors assign. Assign word implies duty and a job. Assign is often a thing that doesn’t always taking what the subject is to account, for example you being assigned to a seat is sometimes random and not based your rowdiness or attentiveness. 

The doctor characterised people a ‘wo/man’ based on observing them. Woman and Man are distinguisher (just like fruits and veggies) of physical characteristics.

People are assigned a gender expression at life.

Gender identity doesn’t exist other than being a label, gender identity is based on sex hence that label. What’s assigned is actually gender expression.

What Society does

(Biology) Sex → gender identity ↓ ←gender expression (Society)

↓ Gender identity → gender roles

What TRAs think to solve it

gender identity ←gender expression (society)

Gender identity → gender roles

Sex ← gender identity (society)

Sex Ⓧ gender identity (society)

Sex → gender identity (different)

↓ gender identity (different) → sex → society → expression = gender roles

What Gender critical think to solve it

Sex → gender identity → gender expression→ society = gender roles

Putting it to perspective

Whenever GC say this:

Sex → gender identity

This is how TRAs view it:

gender identity ←gender expression (society)

Gender identity → gender roles

Sex ← gender identity (society)

↓ 

Sex → gender identity = gender roles

and thus GC = society pushing gender norm

and the TRA misses this:

→ gender expression→ society = gender roles

Gender ideology pushes gender conformity, just in backwards.

Society enforces femininity on women and masculinity on men to maintain a heteronormative hierarchy aka patriarchy. 

Gender ideology is a patriarchal chest play to keep people from actually breaking such status quo by putting the gender role but backwards.

Societal gender roles

Women must be feminine

Men must be masculine

Gender ideology

Feminine is woman

Masculine is man

Neither is non-binary

Anything else it’s a new gender

‘Cis’ means comfortable of the societal gender role

‘Trans’ means not comfortable of societal gender role

GRA say expression is different from identity to hide the fact that it in a way still pushes gender conformity. They confuse the names for physical characteristics ‘wo/man’ as entire gender construct and expression. 

Here’s the damage Gender ideology does.

So far GRA activist blur what sex and gender is, despite their gender ≠ sex.

Blurring gender and sex create problems for the LGB and women, by making anyone able to appropriates them by identification and transing so long as they feel it, remember these two groups are on the oppressed side. There isn’t even a qualification (not even dyphoria) to be considered trans. Growing kids & teen are getting into this as well ruining their bodies, ask yourselves how are they old enough to block puberty but not drink alcohol?

People’s motivation for why they want to of certain gender is not look thorough enough. 

People in general again who again don’t fit with gender norms

Women with internal misogyny/trauma

Gay/Lesbian with internal homophobia/trauma

Men who want more access to women for misogynistic reasons.

You cannot ever feel something you cannot comprehend.

And you cannot ever comprehend not feeling it.

One’s thought of feeling or not like a boy/girl comes were form by the brain cells of XX or XY chromosome or whatever.

Here’s a color analogy i have to show case the difference between one who feels like wo/man vs someone who actually is.

Identifying as one.

Actually being one.

The gender dysphoric pandemic

The correct word for what people mean by gender dysphoria would be sex dysphoria people who are dysphoric of their physical sex body.

Sometimes transsexual need mechanical intervention to relief their sex dysphoria.

Most people who are ‘trans’ aren’t transsexual as that is rare and projecting the gender dysphoria to their bodies instead should be towards society. There’s some types of transwomen who have autogynephilia (reverse heterosexuality, which is nothing wrong in of itself but alot of them are doing bad with it) are motivated by sexuality and is projecting that thing of wanting to become the opposite sex.

Gender dysphoria

A lot of people in the world have gender dysphoria some in more degree than others. 

Many movement where brought out because of gender dyshoria 

LGB because gender roles often link to heteronormative.

Feminism/Women’s rights including the ‘Terfs’ is a inherently gender dysphoric movement.

Gender criticals are inherently gender dysphoric.

What trans movement doing is conflating gender dysphoria with sex dysphoria but they are actually perpetuating gender norms.

The only gender construct that matters is identity which is woman or man because that exist to distinguish people of certain biological characteristics. “Masculinity” and “Femininity” isn’t real, they’re just many expressions boxed into one or the other enforce to people into gender roles which are by large hierarchy called patriarchy. If there is natural patterns that’s sex behavior.

Most people in the trans community aren’t bad, they’re being exploited by the people who are bad. The people who are bad are motivated to destroy children, LGB and women’s rights, depressedly under all this is essentially a men’s right movement but left wing. We need to take those men (and few women) with evil intent to account now.

Right leaning and traditional etc. people role in this whole thing. 

Conservative/traditionalist/religious people who claim to be gender critical, are most of times far from it and are in fact gender rights activist but trans critical that’s the only different between them and the bad trans people above. The trans movement is mostly a side-effect and these people are kinda the reason for it. Gender roles are toxic considering that people especially have to resort in changing their bodies for not fitting in and the gender ideology is a outlet. 

So it’s pure insanity conservative/traditionalist/religious people to keep insisting that be men masculine and women be feminine and that’s it’s all fine and fail to acknowledge, comprehend or disregard people who are gender dysphoric to those roles (feminism being the biggest example) making them seem pathological abnormalities when complaining about them. 

There’s truly a lot of people who are non-conformist but were too scared to be themselves because people like them and it has been rampant for thousand of years. They use not seeing alot of them as prove to enforce their patriarchal rhetoric.

Conclusion

What people need to talk about is their gender dysphoria (but not ideology kind) but of the roles in society. Let transsexuals be their own group without the gender nonsense in peace. We need start embracing gender non-conformity without needing to change our biological identity.

[kirksfattitties]

asks you can smell the privilege and internalized ableism radiate from

(tw for ableism and other bigoted implications)

i’m bad at reading tone but even i understand that this is 100% you being condescending and trying to cover it up with smiley faces and false sincerity. and i don’t appreciate that.

before i get into deconstructing your shitty ableist argument, i want to explain the reasons i believe in self diagnosis (self-dx):

even professional diagnosis doesn’t start with a doctor diagnosing you. there has to be a reason for seeing the doctor. some people see a doctor in their adult life because they’re struggling, some people are taken by their parents, some people are referred or suggested that they see a specialist. whatever it is, you don’t just see a doctor and they magically give you a neurodivergency. people have neurodivergencies before they see doctors and even if they NEVER see a doctor.

the psychiatry system is flawed in MANY ways and to say that it isn’t means you’re denying the experiences of people with less privledge than yourself. also like psychiatry isn’t gonna suck your dick. you don’t have to be a bootlicker lol

in many places (hi hello i’m from america where our government tries to indirectly kill us by not providing us with adequate healthcare! i and many other people have many issues we can’t get fixed because simply our government cares more about the economy than us), seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist or going to a mental hospital or WHATEVER is INCREDIBLY expensive. and to assume that everyone has access and enough time/money/energy/transportation/whatever to do all of that is classist and elitist.

ANYTHING medical (including mental health) is biased towards white cis men. most studies are done on white cis men/boys. because of this, people who aren’t white cis men (or people who aren’t perceived as white cis men) are often not diagnosed. the system is racist. the system is sexist. the system is transphobic. people don’t know how to diagnose autism or adhd or personality disorders or other neurodivergencies or even mental illnesses in black people and other people of color, in women, in trans people, etc. and GOD FORBID someone be in multiple (or all) of those categories. saying “just go get diagnosed :)” is a privileged statement to make.

shocker! the psychiatry system is also ableist. if you’re already diasabled (whether it be mental or physical) and you see a doctor about ANOTHER disability? the doctor is most likely going to shoot you down. or at least be weary about someone having mutliple disabilities.

also most people who diagnose are neurotypical. they have never and will probably never experience neurodivergency so they can never fully understand it. they operate off of stereotypes of neurodivergent people and usually only stereotypical behavior of neurodivergent white cis men (which, as i mentioned before, is problematic for anyone who isn’t a white cis man). neurotypical diagnosers don’t know the neurodivergent culture and aren’t trained to recognize very common things (like masking for example).

a professional diagnosis can also be weaponized. not everyone can get a professional diagnosis because there are some neurodivergencies (such as autism and personality disorders) and mental illnesses (like depression) that can have legal and medical respercussions to have in your record. trans people can be denied medical and legal transition for being professionally diagnosed. people can lose custody battles for being professionally diagnosed. a professional diagnosis can be used as justification for taking away someone’s body autonomy (especially if that person is also physically disabled).

a LOT of neurodivergencies also have some type of symptom (or symptoms) that make it difficult to interact with people. troubles recognizing facial expressions, troubles understanding certain phrases and types of speech, paranoid about people, audio processing issues, being nonverbal in an environment that doesn’t accommodate for it, overstimulation, extreme social anxiety, discomfort in new situations, problems with eye contact, and a lot more. because like. for many nd people, interacting with people is very difficult and stressful. and hey. if you want to get a professional diagnosis? take a WILD guess what you have to do? FUCKING INTERACT with people! LIKE?? JEHDJJDKEKKDKDKDS. do you know how many professionally diagnosed nd people i know who made their appointment COMPLETELY on their own without help from a parent or family member or friend? LITERALLY ZERO! and i know A FEW nd people who have professional diagnoses! so if someone has social issues that prevent them from doing tasks like calling and making an appointment, showing up for an appointment, talking during the appointment, etc and ALSO doesn’t have familial or friend support (because newsflash! people who are friends/family of disabled people can still be ableist)? almost impossible to get a diagnosis! plus, the diagnosis process is TIME CONSUMING. not everyone can focus on a task for that long and not everyone can miss work/school for that long.

so those are the reasons i support self-dx. (although there’s probably more that i’m forgetting but i have adhd and it’s hard for me to remember things!)

so hopefully you now understand my reasons for believing in self-dx, and perhaps even you’re pro-self-dx now because before you were just uneducated on these issues and how they impact people who aren’t you.

but in case you’re still anti-self-dx and probably hate already-marginalized neurodivergent people, let’s talk about this horrendous ask (series of asks, actually) that i got sent. i feel like i can feel the self hatred and internalized ableism OOZING from this ask and into my inbox, so thanks for that i guess /s

“Sometimes people who self diagnose can take away from those who are actually nd, even sometimes from themselves.”

starting out strong with the ableism on this one by separating people into “self diagnosed” and “actually nd” people. self diagnosed people ARE actually nd

there’s not a limited number of nd resources. this isn’t a math equation of only x amount of people can be nd because there’s only y amount of resources. more people realizing they’re nd will actually MAKE more resources for nd people and will bring more awareness to being nd

even IF someone self diagnosed, and they go back on it later, what harm was done? they learned some coping mechanisms? they made some nd friends? neither of those are problematic and i think they’re both actually very helpful. i think nt people SHOULD learn more about nd people and stuff because i think that will lead to WAYYY less misunderstandings and WAYYYY less ableism

“There are many people who fake nds for attention,”

hey anon, what fucking world do you live in that nd’s are cool enough to fake having? because i would LOVE to live there. like, i literally had a post about my personality disorder (which i will not be specifying) i had to delete because people were sending my anons about how i was “scary” and “threatening” now that they knew i had the personality disorder i have. last year i left a discord server because the ableism i was recieving from not only the members of the server, but the mods as well. there are very few people i know irl who i tell about my personality disorder, but when i tell people about my adhd, they start treating me different. they infantalize me and make fun of me and use “jokes” about stereotypical adhd behaviors to alienate me and they even TELL OTHER PEOPLE without my permission. i was SEVERELY bullied throughout elementary and middle school for being nd. i have been refused job and educational opportunities as well as literal medical attention for being nd. people aren’t “faking” being nd, and if they were they probably wouldn’t be doing it for long because it’s not something that’s EASY to deal with.

kinda ironic that you’re saying people can’t diagnose themselves but that YOU can tell when someone is faking their diagnosis. that’s both hypocritical and a double standard.

masking exists. if you think someone isn’t “acting nd enough” they’re probably masking because they’ve been fucking bullied and harrassed. also you’re probably basing whatever you think nd is on stereotypes. not every nd person is sheldon cooper lol.

this is a side note but can we talk about how you’re literally just taking transmed rhetoric and molding it to fit nd people? like. you really come onto MY NONBINARY NEURODIVERGENT blog and expect me to validate your recycled “but what about the REAL [insert group] people?” ??? like grow up, elitist. you’re not better than anyone else just because you lick some boots 🥾 👅

“and claiming that self diagnosis (and this is just what I interpreted) is just as valid as professional diagnosis”

it is 😌

the only difference between self diagnosis and professional diagnosis is that a professional diagnosis can also get you medicine. not every neurodivergency needs meds and not every neurodivergency can be treated (at this time or even ever). for example, my pd (self diagnosed) doesn’t have a specific treatment but multiple symptoms of the pd (all professionally diagnosed) have specific treatments and medicines that work, so patients are given/diagnosed with/prescribed those instead. also, medicine doesn’t work for everyone! and sometimes people are allergic to or take medicines that will conflict with any new medicine.

“can really devalue the account of someone who actually has a disorder”

here we go again with that “self diagnosed” vs “actually nd” bullshit. literally just say you hate poor people n minorities and leave lol

someone having a different experience than you isn’t devaluing you, but if you’re the one who always has the spotlight maybe you should use your privledge uplift other marginalized people instead of feeling angry when everything isn’t all about you 100% of the time

“I have a second ask”

i don’t want it

“Plus it can be damaging for a person if they self diagnose wrong.”

how? what if they learn information that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise known like coping mechanisms that help them with their own neurodivergencies? that’s definitely not a bad thing

i think it’s funny that you bring up that people can self diagnose wrong and don’t even MENTION that doctors can diagnose wrong. like. you know. the people who GIVE OUT MEDICINE to people. i think it’s MUCH more dangerous when a PROFESSIONAL diagnosis is wrong. what are self-dx people with wrong diagnoses gonna do? read up on nd tips? maybe smoke some weed? drink some coffee? that’s about all they can do with a self-dx. but if a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL gives you an INCORRECT diagnosis, they can ACTUALLY fuck you up.

“I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, a disorder which I would have never considered I’d have.”

that’s great about your professional diagnosis! i don’t know you but i’m glad you’re finding out about yourself and getting the help you want and/or need /srs

sorry if this sounds blunt, but honestly i’m not surprised you never considered you could have PTSD. based on your asks, you sound like you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to work through and a lot more research about neurodiversity you need to do. being anti-self diagnosis is a common belief among a lot of people with internalized ableism and a lot of these same people are the ones who have no issue with and even SUPPORT auti$m $peaks. many nd organizations that are run BY nd people (like asan) actually support self-dx.

“If I had of diagnosed my own symptoms and then started treating myself or taking precautions based on my self diagnosed "condition", it could of really hurt me.”

how? taking precautions to preserve your mental health is NEVER a bad idea. i’m not ptsd, but someone i care deeply about DOES have ptsd and has shared a lot of the precautions and coping mechanisms for ptsd with me and honestly they’ve been incredibly helpful. it’s almost as if different neurodivergencies and/or mental illnesses have overlap and that’s why there’s a whole community for us to be able to share these resources and information with each other!

the same person was rejected a formal autism diagnosis because of their ptsd, plus the fact that they’re transgender and the fact they have symptoms of adhd. it’s not really my place to talk about their experience with professional diagnosis, but i’ll send this post to them and allow them to add on their experience in a rb if they’re comfortable with that. but it’s almost as if their experience with the professional diagnosis process was unhelpful, harmful, ableist, and transphobic 🧐 and unfortunately this is a pretty common experience

“Also, by self diagnosing, I devalue the account of a person with the disorder l assumed I had.”

how? if someone thinks they’re nd, they have a legitimate reason for thinking so. either they have another neurodivergency than the one they thought they had, or they’re neurotypical and need to figure themself out and have a need for support. either way, they learned more about the specific neurodivergency, more about the nd community, and more about themself. i don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

if you think self-diagnosed people’s experiences inherently have less value, that is straight up ableism. especially considering that other marginalized identities and minorities have trouble getting professional diagnoses, you might also be bigoted in some other way. or at the very least, refusing to acknowledge your privilege.

“only one more I promise”

i don’t want it

“I understand that doctors are expensive and professionals can get it wrong,”

okay. if you understand this, then dm me your information so i can bill you for the cost of my professional diagnoses, the cost for my therapy sessions, the cost for my medicine, and the cost for transportation to and from all these places. PLUS the cost of the work and school i’ll be missing for these sessions. 🤲

“but self diagnosis can be really harmful to yourself or others.”

nah, you’re just ableist and a gatekeeper lol

“If you feel like you have a disorder, go see a psychiatrist, you may have it.”

[remembers when i went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with two major symptoms of a personality disorder and said i had other symptoms of the pd as well but refused to diagnose me with the actual personality disorder because i was a minor at the time and he told me “kids don’t have personalities so they can’t have personality disorders”. i understand being weary about diagnosing children with personality disorders because they aren’t fully developed but this dude straight up told me that i didn’t have a personality. this man literally only worked with children so that means he literally never diagnosed personality disorders. this man was literally just lazy and didn’t care about his patients. this man also refused to believe me when i told him the medicine he prescribed me made my symptoms worse and even made me hallucinate. he ignored me and refused to change my medicine so eventually i just changed psychiatrists and they put me on a new medicine that DIDNT make my symptoms worse and DIDNT make me hallucinate. also i looked it up after our session and apparently ONLY people with my pd and related ones experience hallucinations on that certain medication. it’s almost like his refusal to diagnose me and ignoring my symptoms/concerns harmed me. this man also constantly misgendered me and told me that homosexuality and transgenderism should’ve still been in the dsm. like golly, it’s almost as if being queer and neurodivergent in an extremely conservative state is harmful and dangerous. and that psychiatrists aren’t immune from being homophobic and transphobic and ableist.] but yes :) perhaps i should see another psychiatrist in this conservative state :)

“I don't want to undermine anyone's actual experiences, but it can be dangerous.”

then stop undermining people’s actual experiences :)

no ❤️

“If you feel like something's wrong, go see a professional.”

the whole point of the neurodiversity movement is that there IS no such thing as a “normal” brain, so saying that neurodivergent people have something “wrong” with them is ableist.

💰 🤲 hand it over

“I don't want to offend, I just don't want anyone to get mislead or hurt. :)”

you absolutely meant to offend. you literally said that self-diagnosed people’s experiences aren’t valid and have less value than people who have professional diagnoses

i know more people who have been (and personally have been) mislead and hurt by professionals than by simply existing as a self-diagnosed person

also i want to say that being pro-self dx is NOT being anti-professional/formal diagnosis. i think that people should absolutely get a professional diagnosis (if they are able to without negative repercussions)! being pro-self dx is more inclusive of marginalized people (like people of color, women, lgbtq+ people, people with multiple disabilities, etc). pro-self dx is simply just saying that professional diagnosis isn’t the only option

(neurotypical people and anti-self dx people don’t add anything; pro-self dx neurodivergent people are allowed to add with their experiences if they want)

[inactiive-shit]

Life As A Sanders

LAAS Masterlist

Read On AO3!

Part 1: The Adoption

((Next Part))

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Warnings: I don’t think there’s any for this chapter!

Pairings: Familial DLAMP, in the end

Words: 3,333

Summary: Through the years of Virgil and Logan getting adopted by their Dad, Patton, and some of their major milestones in life.

Author’s note: So! It is the first Friday of the new decade, and I’ve decided I’m going to start posting this story. There are twelve parts, and I will be posting every Friday until it’s finished. Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patton couldn’t deny that he had a weak spot for kids. But really, who didn’t? They were so adorable, and eventually they got bigger - but still adorable! - and then you could hold conversations with them about such simple and mundane things that seemed so important to them. It was a nice break from the stresses of adult life, okay?

So, yeah, when Patton had been with a man he had thought was his soulmate, and when both of them wanted to adopt, they went for it. Why not? They loved each other, they loved kids, they were financially stable, and they both wanted the experience of raising kids and seeing them go through life, learning everything they could.

Everybody told them things changed when you brought kids into the mix. But they knew that! Of course it changed things! Sure, they would have different disagreements, different types of disagreements, but they still loved each other. They could still work things out. They could still compromise.

Until they couldn’t.

When they were talking about adopting, talking about the things that they would and would not accept in a child, there weren’t very many limitations. They agreed that no disorders would stand in the way. They were stable enough to be able to afford treatments or equipment, and Patton’s cousin Emile was a child psychologist. He dealt all different sorts of kids everyday and knew a lot about different disorders. If the pair fell in love with a kiddo who had special needs, they could ask Emile for help real time while they learned all about it on their own.

They had a small disagreement on age. Patton wanted to have it open to kids of all ages. The probability of older kids being adopted shrank with every year the child aged, and that wasn’t right. They should be open to older kids too, Patton insisted, because they were still kids. They were still young and in need of families. They still needed to be raised. They still needed to be loved.

Patton’s partner, however, wanted the experience of raising a child from infancy. It was part of the experience, he would retort. You’re not really raising them if they already have their own ideals and they’ve never even met you.

In the end, they agreed to have it open to all ages, but with a preference for the younger adoptees.

It didn’t quite sit right with Patton.

Looking back, Patton supposes that argument was one of the first warning signs.

However, they both agreed that gender was a non-issue. Who cared if the child was a boy or a girl? They were still a kid. Plus, the designation might not be accurate. The child could always turn out to be trans or nonbinary or agender or genderfluid or demigender or any other gender out there.

Since they agreed so heartily on that point, the previous argument was mostly forgotten.

Next was number of kids. Patton, as was his way, excitedly said that he would love to have as many children as they could afford. His partner laughed good-naturedly, and insisted that they should only start out with one. Like a trial run.

That didn’t sit very well with Patton either. They were talking about people, not apps. There was no free trial here.

Still, Patton pushed it aside. He’d heard other people use similar phrases when having their first kid, and he convinced himself that it was just one of those commonly used analogies nobody ever thought about the real implications of. They didn’t really think of their kids as a trial. Nobody would actually say that about their kids.

Patton had nodded slowly, though. It did make sense to start with just one. Get a feel for the job, learn how to handle the different things that having a kid can throw at you. This was especially important when adopting, because Patton didn’t ever want his kiddo to think they counted as less than someone who was biologically related to their parents, or think they weren’t good enough for their birth parents. And Patton knew that even if they did everything right, their baby would eventually have questions about who had them biologically. Who wouldn’t? It was a natural question.

Also, there was the hurdle of being a gay couple with kids. They would have to learn how to navigate all that, too. People were more accepting now, but not all people.

So, Patton could see where he was coming from, even if the phrasing of the concern was unfortunate.

However, Patton had insisted that they not entirely rule out having more than one kiddo. After all, he wanted to keep siblings together if he could. Patton didn’t know what he’d do if he hadn’t had Emile, his cousin who was more like a sibling, growing up. He didn’t want to deprive anyone else of that opportunity, either.

So, they had compromised again. Open to siblings, but preferring just one.

Most other things had been agreed upon. Race and ethnicity was irrelevant. Their reason for being given up didn’t matter. How long they’d been in the system didn’t matter. Behavioral problems didn’t matter. Birth defects didn’t matter. Any physical deformities didn’t matter.

Finally, after months and years of talk and forms and waiting, they were ready. The pair went from foster home to foster home, orphanage to orphanage, hospital to hospital, looking and meeting and talking to all the kids. There had been more than one that Patton’s heart had cried out for (or maybe more like all of them), but his partner had disagreed on most cases. There was one girl they were going to adopt, but they had talked it out first, to be sure, and she had been adopted by someone else instead.

After such a long time searching and not agreeing on kiddos, Patton was beginning to become hopeless. He wondered if maybe they’d jumped into this a little too fast. Were they ready for kids? Were they honestly prepared to deal with everything a kid could throw at them, all the unique challenges every kid presented, and figure out the different parenting styles they were likely to have if they couldn’t even agree on a child to adopt in the first place? It wasn’t rocket science, Patton knew.

It was something much more important, that required a much steadier hand.

It was a cloudy day when Patton’s partner woke him up, far too early. Patton, never the early waker, had been slow to come. But his partner had been excited. They had a visit to the hospital today, to see a bunch of babies that were still too young to go into the system, and he just knew that today was the day. His excitement was infectious so, with a quick kiss, Patton jumped in the shower and then let his partner cook him a nice omelet for breakfast.

Patton wasn’t much of a cook.

They reached the hospital right on time, and immediately a woman by the name Dr. Abioye showed the men into the ward. It was the same place the rest of the babies stayed, but the ones that were available for adoption had a green marking on the side of their little boxes. (Were they called boxes? Cradles? Bassinets? That had certainly not been covered in any class Patton had taken in preparation for this.)

“These babies are all six months old or less,” Dr. Abioye told them. “The green markings indicate that the parents, for whatever reason, have relinquished their rights. Some babies are kept here because they are sick and in need of intensive care, and others because they are newborn and the system prefers they be with trained professionals day and night rather than a foster family.” She smiled at them, then looked at the papers in her hands “I see here that you haven’t marked anything down as a hard no, so I will leave you to it. If you have any questions, I will be making my rounds in here as will the other nurses. Feel free to get to know our little ones.” With that final remark, Dr. Abioye began going around the room, cooing at the babies and tickling them, eliciting giggles and shrieks.

Patton’s partner suggested that they go alone, because he felt that it would be easier to see all the babies that way. Patton hesitantly agreed, and they split off to opposite ends of the nursery.

For the third time, it didn’t quite feel right to Patton that they split up. He wasn’t sure why, though, so he kept quiet, forgetting about his own problems as he got see all the babies.

There were big ones and small ones sleeping ones and crying ones and giggly ones. There were so many to choose from, and they were so small! Even the biggest baby there could easily be held in one hand. There was so much to take in, and there were so many different babies to look at.

For a second, Patton felt hopeless again. What if they could never choose? Worse, what if they did, and then found out they were horrible parents? What if they couldn’t do right by the little one they wanted to take home?

But Patton took a breath, and let it out, and then smiled down at a two week old adoptee. She was tiny, utterly minuscule, and absolutely having the time of her life. Patton was reassured, as that baby smiled at him, that he wanted kids and that he would do whatever he could to keep them happy and safe.

Patton kept walking along, looking at a few more cribs (Patton still didn’t know the right title, and cribs was close enough, right?)

Then, a little baby just started wailing. Patton hurried down a few cribs to find the little guy. Once Patton saw them, he couldn’t help but coo at them and picked them up. Patton bounced the baby up and down a few times, and it seemed to calm them a little. They kept having strange little hiccuping noises, but Patton figured that normal.

After a few minutes, the baby was entirely calmed down, no longer crying, and Patton gently set them back in the crib. Except, as soon as the baby felt the sheet of their tiny bed and not Patton’s hands, the crying immediately rose a few decibels. So, like any good father would do, Patton picked the baby back up, and kept shushing him, waiting for the crying to become sniffling and the that to become even baby breaths.

“You’re pretty good at that,” an unfamiliar voice said. Patton jumped, but turned slowly so he didn’t upset his baby.

“Aw, thanks, kiddo! I may be new to parenting, but taking care of ‘em is old hat.” Patton grinned down at the one in his arms.

“I can tell.” The man laughed. “And to tell you a secret? I’ve been working here for years, and I have never heard a baby cry as much as this little boy has. As a matter of fact, nobody here can get him to stop crying. We’ve tried feeding and diaper changes, everything you can think of. But this baby always has something to say.”

Patton bounced the little boy in his arms a few more times. “There’s always a reason when babies cry. They need something. They’re too little to be crying for no reason just yet.” He glanced around at the attendants. “I’m sure he just wants some cuddles. The smaller they are, the more cuddles they need! You could say they’re cuddle fish.” Patton winked at the nurse in front of him, who burst out laughing even though it was a bit of a stretch.

Patton’s partner came over, and the nurse left, still giggling about the pun. Patton smiled. A hard day’s work for a full day’s smiles!

Patton’s partner told him that he hadn’t had any luck, and asked about Patton. Patton grinned quietly, and proudly showed off the little boy in his arms. “I think he’s the one,” Patton said. They had a brief discussion, and quickly agreed that yes, this was the baby they wanted. So, they told Dr. Abioye, who smiled warmly and went about getting all the proper paperwork.

“This is the last step of the adoption process,” she told them. “You sign all the proper paperwork, we give you all his information, and then you take him home. Of course, there’s a one week waiting period for taking the baby home, so that you can take care of any last minute preparations you may have.” Patton nodded quickly, sad that he wouldn’t be able to take the baby home now, but knowing it was for the best. There was a few more baby-proofing items they’d been waiting to put up.

“Now now, what’s this little guy’s name?” Dr. Abioye asked. Patton blushed, said he’d go check, and ducked out of the office. He had forgotten to check when he’d picked the baby up. Foolish of him, but at least he remembered which crib he had come from.

Patton found the crib, and giggled. If he was unsure about the baby before, there was no doubt now. The paper on the box read Virgil Xanders - two months of age - four pounds three ounces - up for adoption. Well, Xanders was practically the same as Sanders, which was Patton’s last name, and they had already decided that their children would be taking Patton’s last name. They had decided, if they got married, that they would use Patton’s name. It was important to Patton that he was a Sanders, and his partner didn’t particularly care about his own last name one way or another.

Patton slipped back into the office and announced Virgil’s name for the doctor to hear. Virgil fussed a little when he did it, and Patton cooed about him already recognizing his name.

“Now, because you’re adopting him, you can change his name to whatever you want,” Dr. Abioye said, flipping through a file cabinet. She pulled up another folder, and glanced through, then frowned.

“What’s the matter?” Patton asked, hugging Virgil a little closer.

“Well, Mr. Sanders, according to this it says that Virgil has a twin brother. Logan Xanders.” Dr. Abioye looked from Patton to his partner and back. “I will step out, and let you two discuss what you want to do.”

As soon as she was gone, Patton’s mouth was working. “We can’t split up siblings. Please, we have to take them. Both of them.” And Patton worked on begging his way into convincing his partner to adopt two little boys because they needed a good home where they could be together.

So, after a few minutes’ discussion, they decided to adopt both. The papers were signed, and Patton struggled because he didn’t want to risk holding Virgil with his weaker arm, so he had to sign with his non-dominant hand.But the whole thing turned out well, and Patton could not have been happier.

Back in the main nursery, Patton hesitantly set Virgil back in his crib. Virgil stared at Patton with wide, curious eyes as he moved around. Then, Patton checked the name on the next crib over. Patricia Vidales. Well, that was not Virgil’s brother at all. Patton checked the crib to the other side of Virgil, and there was Logan Xanders. Happily, Patton cooed over him before picking him up, and Logan immediately began squirming around. Patton kept mumbling to him, trying to placate him, but Logan did not seem as easily soothed as his brother had been.

Then, he looked to the side and saw Virgil. Logan gurgled and it seemed like he tried to throw himself out of Patton’s arms and into his brother’s crib. Patton giggled and lowered him down so that they were face to face. Despite the fact that it was nearly impossible for the babies to recognize each other, they both began making tiny baby laughs and kicking at each other. Patton squealed with delight, startling the babies, and his partner laughed. Then, they put their boys back and left, knowing that they’d be there bright and early the next Thursday to take home the newest members of their family.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things went from bad to worse. The first month was fine, and the second was alright. But by the third month, both of the men were reaching the end of their patience. Neither of them had gotten a full night’s sleep since before they’d brought the boys home, and while Logan’s sleep pattern had started to lengthen, Virgil was still waking up every few hours.

Patton dealt with it most nights, but they were both always woken up by it. During the day, the boys were golden. Logan was inquisitive, looking at and eating everything he could get his hands on. He squinted a lot, though, and Patton was beginning to wonder if he needed glasses. Virgil was a little fussier, and he wanted to be held at all times, but he was usually okay when he was with Logan.

Things went way sideways when the boys were six months old.

Patton and his partner had been taking care of them for four months. Virgil still couldn’t sleep through the night, and Logan was starting to become just as clingy as his brother during the day. And Patton’s partner got to the point of wanting to tear his own hair out.

Then, the worst thing happened. Patton’s partner suggested that they should take the boys back. Put them back up for adoption because they were not prepared to deal with everything the babies brought along. They wouldn’t remember being with them anyway, so there was no harm done and they could go back to getting a full night’s sleep.

Patton’s jaw dropped at the words. It had become a fight, in which neither man was willing to back down. At the end, Patton’s partner had stormed out of the house, leaving Patton to deal with the boys, who were crying from fear and hunger.

A week later, the other man had packed up his stuff, signed papers that said Patton had full custody, and left. Patton was devastated. He’d thought they were soulmates, in it for the long haul, and absolutely nothing could tear them apart. To be proven wrong was agonizing. And for months after the fact, Patton took care of his boys the best he could, lost in a fog of depression and stress.

He brought them to the bakery with him, where the other workers would play with them throughout the day. He offered to pay them for babysitting, but they all refused. He brought them to the store with him, where they sometimes got odd looks. He took them anywhere he had to go, because he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving them with someone else.

And then, when his baby boys were almost a year old, when Patton had had them for about ten months, when Patton had been taking care of his boys alone for six months, something absolutely astounding happened. Logan stood up, and took two little, tiny baby steps and then fell promptly on his butt and started crying. Virgil crawled across the rug at the speed of light to get to his seventeen minutes younger brother, but Patton sat for a moment, looking in awe at the tiny baby.

Logan had taken those steps toward him. He’d been walking toward Patton, his Dad. And Patton was suddenly shocked right out of his fog. He didn’t need his ex. These boys, these two beautiful, loving boys were everything Patton could ask for, and he was lucky enough to have found them.

It would take more time to get completely over the heartache he had experienced, Patton thought, picking up the crying Logan and letting Virgil crawl onto his lap, but at least with his precious boys, it wouldn’t be nearly as hard.

[my-darling-boy]

What is ace? I hope asking this isn’t offensive, I’m just honestly curious.

Oooh no worries, it’s not offensive to ask :P I’d be glad to explain!

Ace is short for being asexual, and there are many ways that asexual people interpret and view what being asexual means to them, but asexuality generally means you do not experience sexual feelings for others. However, some use asexuality as a blanket term to describe other orientations in the ace spectrum such as greysexual or demisexual (more on these later). So with that in mind, asexuality is also categorised by those who experience quite inconsistent or unclear sexual feelings. Asexuals may experience forms of attraction, such as romantic, aesthetic, and sensual attraction, but still not feel the need to pursue someone sexually. This is NOT to be confused with sex repulsion; although there are some asexuals who are sex repulsed as well, the two are separate ideas. This is also NOT to be confused with low libido, which is often an argument to discredit asexuality. Having a low libido, the body’s low desire to feel bodily satisfaction, is not the same thing as asexuality, which is, loosely, the mental feeling of having no (or unclear) desire to have sex with someone. Contrary to popular belief, an asexual person can actually have a very high libido and still not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is also NOT to be confused with being celibate, which is the act of consciously abstaining from having sex.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of hate towards people who identify as ace, both within the LGBT+ community and outside of it. There are even recent accounts of asexuals being driven out of Pride events because they were flying ace flags. You might think a lack of sexual attraction would be cause for people to leave us be, but instead, it draws just as much harassment from LGBT+ people as it does from cishets. Many trans individuals are targeted as well since a higher number of trans people identify as ace. Lots of asexuals sometimes feel unsafe to disclose their asexuality because of situations like this. Seemingly nice people have even abruptly stopped talking to me after I casually mention being ace. And if you are unfamiliar with asexuality as you say, I think it’s important to know that there is a lot of misinformation surrounding asexuality which needs to be taken into consideration if you ever plan on looking more into it. So here’s a bit of some General Info and it’s a bit Longᵀᴹ and I’m by no means a Highly Educated Ace Expert, but this is what I can tell you as best I can!

Some people feel asexuals receive no oppression or hardships at all, and that they don’t deserve a place in the LGBT+ community simply because they lack attraction in that manner. This is not true.

Something asexual people hear, ironically from people who claim to be LGBT+ allies, a lot is: “You just haven’t found the right person yet!” which, surprise, is what lots of other lesbian, gay, bi, etc. people hear. “You just haven’t had sex yet” is an invalid argument since people accept gay men all the time who have never dated men before; those men know they are gay because they feel romantic feelings towards a man before having intercourse with one. Asexuality works in the same fashion. I don’t have to have sex to know if I’m asexual, because the fact I already lack sexual desire, sexual attraction, etc. is already enough to tell.

People who are ignorant towards asexual people will often say that they’re “sick and demented” for having no sexual attraction, since society has been predisposed to think for a very long time that the pinnacle of a relationship is sex, which is untrue. Sex can be a way for a couple to express their love for one another but it is NOT the only way, though society often treats it like it is. Many asexuals, myself included, felt very alone and confused growing up into adulthood as seemingly everyone around them–friends, family, advertisements, films, music, clothing–assured them they were SUPPOSED to be feeling sexual attraction, and they weren’t, and it can make an ace person feel very isolated and yes, mentally ill. I myself thought there was something wrong with me when all of my contemporaries were obsessed with sex and I wasn’t. Even more pressure is put on asexual people when their parents demand children from them, when people make fun of them for seeming “so innocent” for not having sex or, even worse, when partners FORCE them to have sex with them. Asexual people sometimes suffer in relationships where their partner feels sex is vital to being a couple and forces the asexual person into having sex to “convert” them and you guessed it! It’s called rape. If you ever encounter a situation as an ace person where your partner feels that they are entitled to sex with you just because you are in a relationship with them, they do not deserve you, as NO ONE is entitled to your body but you. Allosexual people, the term used to describe anyone who DOES feel consistent sexual attraction, do not often understand how strongly steeped society is in sexual content and how even large corporations capitalise off of perpetuating the idea that sexual attraction is the hallmark of being a human. This massive and widespread idea has led lots of people to believe asexual people are mentally ill and that is COMPLETELY untrue. It is completely normal to have no sexual attraction or very weak/unclear sexual attraction to people. And this is what asexuality means.

Usually, people who are misinformed on asexuality hear the term and think of this completely heartless, emotionless person, and this is also untrue. They can be lovable, bubbly, and sweet! Asexuals are not emotionless: they experience the same levels of emotion as anyone else. ALSO. Asexual people can be romantic! Asexual people can hug AND kiss! Asexual people can masturbate! Asexual people can even have sex and still be asexual! Why? Because it has to do with the fact in all these examples, they still lack sexual desire and/or attraction to the person or object they engage in these activities with. You can like the feeling of sex as an asexual person; what makes you asexual is that you enjoy the feeling of the action versus feeling the actual desire towards the person you’re having it with. However, some people feel this latter fact makes them greysexual, a term used to describe someone who has unclear levels of sexual attraction or simply doesn’t know where to identify on the asexual scale. Some may even feel they are demisexual, a person who feels sexual attraction only after getting to know a person very well or being with someone for a long time. And some people even feel liking sex, without having sexual desire/attraction to the person they have it with, makes them not asexual. Some asexual people do not feel comfortable with kissing, and some love sloppy kisses. Some asexuals love things like very bodily romantic activities (such as what some might refer to as foreplay), and some just prefer holding hands or hugs. Some asexuals masturbate a lot, and some may never feel the want to or do it seldom. Some asexuals experiment with kinks, and some do not. Often, the definition of being asexual, along with its general perception, is often too black and white. You don’t have to hate EVERY bit of physical interaction to be considered asexual because like a lot of sexualities, it’s a sliding scale. And figuring out whether or not your personal preferences regarding romantic relationships makes you ace or not is really completely up to you when determining which term feels more comfortable.

Acephobic people often use the same historic argument that was used against gay men through the decades: that just explaining the sexuality is being inappropriate towards teens, which is also untrue. Acephobic people, after some Mental Gymnastics, believe that asexual people are pushing the idea that teens need to be constantly contemplating sex in order to even figure out if they’re asexual, and therefore, perverted, which is just??? The same kids get taught sex education in school (For instance, I was 10 when we had our first lesson) and some adults object to this because they don’t want their kids to be learning about sex at so young an age. But like school sex ed, or even explaining what being a lesbian means or what being asexual means, it’s being done so educationally, so that when a person is ready to determine something about themselves in regards to sexuality or gender, they have the tools and resources to make an educated self discovery with themselves and how they feel they identify. I can’t tell you how relieved I would have been at 14 for someone to tell me that it was normal to feel no interest in all of the sexual content my friends were obsessed with at the time. Instead, I was made to feel “weird” and was made fun of because I wasn’t infatuated with it like everyone else. It even led me to have so many nights crying, wondering how I was going to ever find someone to love after being taught that ALL my partner would want is sex. Explaining being gay to a 13 year old isn’t trying to force the teen into having thoughts on whether or not they like male sex, it’s simply saying “If you like boys, and you’re a boy, that’s normal!” Asexuality is the same way. It could simply be introduced by saying “If all your friends are getting curious about sex and certain body parts and you don’t feel very interested in that now and ALSO as time goes on, that’s normal!” And this is VERY important for asexual people to know. A lot of kids grow up thinking sex is expected of them, and are more likely to, once adults, be pressured into it and get stuck in relationships they feel abused or uncomfortable in. In a highly-sexulised modern society, it is important anyways to inform younger people it is normal to not be interested in sex and they should not be pressured into feeling like they should be. In fact, there are studies which show asexual people are just as likely to experience corrective rape, dehumanisation, abuse, sexual harassment, and invalidation, as other LGBT+ members and may also experience unique forms of sexual abuse allosexual people, within the LGBT+ community or not, do not endure. Educating people about asexuality is just as important as educating them about being gay or being transgender. It’s giving LGBT+ youth the resources they need to avoid being manipulated, given misinformation, or made to feel lesser and letting them know that who they are, however they eventually identify, is valid. Personally, I find the parents/adults who reject explanations of being asexual are the same parents/adults who ironically perpetuate sexual-normativity charged ideas in their household such as insisting on telling their 13 year old daughter to give them grandchildren, which for those of you who don’t know, usually requires sex. The same sex they don’t want their kids knowing anything about when someone talks about asexuality or being gay. Weird, right? It’s almost like they think anything other than being straight is “dirty” and should not be taught to their children or something. Also, I should note, Stonewall even flies the asexual pride flag (the purple, grey, black, and white). So for those acephobes trying to say asexuals are “fake”, just know the literal Stonewall officially acknowledges asexuality

And for me personally, I am gay, but I’m also asexual. So how does this work? Well, asexual people only have issues with the “sex” part. There’s nothing in it that outlines romantic attraction. I love men and doing romantic things with men, but have no sexual desire/attraction to them. There are asexual individuals who identify as aromantic-asexual. Meaning, in addition to not being interested in sex, they may also not be interested in being romantic. Since I’m gay and ace, I could technically also be referred to as homoromantic-asexual (having romantic feelings for another person of the same gender and ALSO having no sexual feelings towards another). But for ease of wording, I say gay and ace :P But you can say whatever you want! You can be biromantic-asexual! Or Pan and ace!

I should also note that, if you feel you are ace yourself, even though things might seem hopeless or scary with the amount of people spreading lies and hatred, you will find a partner who loves you, if that is something you wish to pursue and are worried will never be a reality. You will find friends who understand you or who are ace or aro as well. You will find people who support you. Your asexuality is not a burden or a disappointment. You are not “boring” or “selfish”. And you deserve every bit of happiness. 

There are more than a few websites and sources about asexuality, but I feel this one provides some short but concise insight into if you would like to know a little more!

Thanks for the ask!

[collared99]

My transphobic encounter

Last Wednesday, I came across two people having an incredibly transphobic conversation in the hallways of my college. I felt like I needed to do something, that someone had to see this. To know about this. So I pulled out my phone and started recording their conversation from around the corner. Unfortunately, the video is far too long to post on Tumblr (both videos combined being eleven minutes and six seconds, so I went through the trouble of transcribing it. Bear in mind, since this was recorded with a phone, around a corner in a college hallway, there are often times where I simply cannot make out what they are saying, which is marked in brackets.

Warning: This contains transphobia and reference to s**cide.

Note: I distinctly remember two things that were said before I started recording, being: “I just don’t see how there’s a spectrum of gender” or something to that regard, and, immediately following that, “Like, if there’s a spectrum of gender, how do bisexual people exist?” 

Female voice: “Yeah, unless it’s like, true dysphoria, where you want to die, until you get what you want, you know.” Male voice: “There’s the thing, though. Most dysphoria, especially in children, they just grow out of.” Female voice: “Yeah.” Male voice: “And it just becomes, that they’re a tomboy, or just, kinda feminine.” Female voice: “Yeah, honestly, though, [kinda unintelligible], but no.” Male voice: “I used barbies as action figures, but I have a lot of sisters, so…” Female voice: “I-I would play out murder mysteries and rip the heads off of barbies, and try and find the head, throughout the yard, and try to find it.” Male voice: [laughing]“Oh, that’s so good. But, yeah, I don’t, there’s just so many things like that. And, like, like, making it legal for children under the age of, like, ten to transition, or get on hormone blockers, that’s like, that’s terrifying.” Female voice: “And hormone blockers hurt your… degenerate your bones. Male voice: “Bone density. And, like, that can, severely fuck them up, if they want to get off of that. Female voice: “But once you’re an adult…” Male voice: “Yeah, once you’re an adult, fucking do whatever you want. Fucking cut off your leg. I don’t give a shit.” Female voice: “That’s also a thing.” Male voice: “Yeah!” Female voice: [Unintelligible]

Male voice: “And so like, but like, that is understandable. But not when you’re doing it to children and you’re telling children that, like, it’s okay to have children not be judgmental, and it’s okay to tell children that in this world, in America, you can be… whatever you want. However, don’t let them physically change, alter their body for the rest of their life, [???] ten! You don’t let them get a tattoo at ten!” Female voice: “Let them cut their hair, dress them [??] clothes or whatever, go by a nickname or whatever for a while, but…” Male voice: “And then also, the fact, is like, why can’t I say that I’m twelve?” Female voice: “Oh, there’s people who are like that, too.” Male voice: “I KNOW! And it’s insane” Female voice: “There was like, a sixty-five year old man-“ Male voice: “Saying he was, what, like, a twelve-year-old girl, or… thirteen? And I’m just like…” Female voice: “And, like, was playing with children? And you could tell that he was [?] Male voice: “Yeah. And I’m just like: Look, if that thing wanted to stay by my child… No.” Female voice: “And they’re like, ‘Hey, dad, could you please come back?’ And then the… [Unintelligible] Male voice: “And then, like, I don’t care about gender-neutral bathrooms when it’s just individual bathrooms, because, then, like, I don’t trust guys in bathrooms, period. Like, even if I am a guy, I don’t give a shit, I don’t wanna fuck with* any of them, they’re creepy, and I sure as hell wouldn’t want my daughter, or sister, to be in bathrooms with other men. Aaand, I wouldn’t want my little boy to be in with other women.” *I’m assuming he said “with” in this sentence, and was just speaking really fast, but without it, that kind of changes the meaning of the sentence, so I thought I should point that out. Female voice: “Nothing is more terrifying than walking into the wrong bathroom and then having to sit in the bathroom stall for a while until everybody leaves.” Male voice: “So… It’s a… a, a thing. Like, that entire thing, I just don’t get, like, I understand the lgbt-I mean, the lgb, I get all that, it makes sense, like, the, all of the things that [Unintelligible] doesn’t make any sense to me.” Female voice: “People who are [?] about it, but then you get the vocal minority who are just like: ‘You say you’re autism gender, then? Okay.’” Male voice: “Yep. Or, you’re a polyamorous squirrel. I dunno. Like, I just, I don’t, like, if you are just like, “Oh, I’m a girl, now” Like, I wanna dress up as a girl, like, go for it, if you wanna be a guy, go for it, I don’t care. But don’t tell me that you’re like, nothi- none of them. That makes no sense to me. Like, agender, and I’m just like, that makes no fucking sense, and I… look, if I don’t know you, aaand, even if I do, if you look like a “she” I’m gonna say ‘she’s over there’. If you look like a “he”, ‘he’s over there.’ Uh, aaand, but like if you want me to call them… ‘they/them’* I don’t, I don’t understand  why it’s such a… [?]” *  I couldn’t quite understand her, but the other voice definitely agreed. Female voice: “I don’t understand why people take things too personally.” Male voice: “Oh, yeah.” Female voice: “I do have a friend, he’s pretty chill, he’s been on hormones for a while, he LOOKS like a dude, and so it’s fine.” Random third guy joins: “You talking about transgenders?” Female voice: “[?*] But, like, an actual civil person, definitely not very left, it’s fine, I’m still fine with him, he’s still chill.” * She might be saying “we are” in response to the third guy, but truth be told it sounded like she was saying “yee haw.”

Male voice: “And like, if… then here’s the thing, though. Is that, the people who also are like, they say that they’re genderfluid, that is the biggest bullshit I’ve ever heard. Because the main thing I dislike about transgenders, and it’s not because they’re transgender, but it’s the way that they act towards other people and the way that they want other people to act towards them. And one of their main arguments is ‘yeah, a person can be genderfluid, and they can, a girl can be a guy, a guy can be a girl, they’re also the same people who are like ‘a guy can’t have an opinion on what a girl does with her body’.” Female voice: “You can have-“ Male voice: “But! But, but,” [Unintelligible, but he’s quoting a hypothetical trans person] “’Guys can have babies, too, even though it’s a girl’s body.’” [Unintelligible] Female voice: “I don’t understand how you can actually [?*] dysphoria as well, though, I don’t understand how you could do that without being crippled by it and wanting to kill yourself constantly.” *She could have been saying either “identify” or “define” but it wasn’t clear. Male voice: “Yeah, like, I think they’re mixing up, like, the thing they’re putting in kid’s minds is the problem. They’re like ‘I must be this because I played with action figures’ and then they start thinking more and more about it and then, then they play with their children.” Female voice: [Mostly unintelligible, more and more other people were talking behind me, so bear in mind I don’t have context for this next line.] “-I’m a boy, I just really like trucks.” Third guy: “You were a tomboy?” Female voice: “I was extremely tomboyish as a kid” [Unintelligible] Male voice: [Mentions something about hormones] Female voice: “I would’ve been fine if my voice were lower, but anything else… freaked me out. I like having soft skin.” Male voice: I also don’t, like… I don’t like having hair on my body, like, I would gladly prefer to not have any. And so, it’s like… I don’t know. It’s a lot. Also, another thing with transgenders, is that they’re the minority with the highest suicide rate. And the suicide rate doesn’t change once they’ve transitioned.” Third guy: “It’s transitioning, usually, that’s worse.” Male voice: “No. It doesn’t change. It’s the same… percentage.” Female voice: “Well it’s because they still-” [Unintelligible, but I can tell she doesn’t finish her sentence] Third guy: “Well, they have a lot of, they get, sometimes they get a lot more dependent on” [Unintelligible] Female voice: “Well, that’s certain, that’s the transition-” Male voice: “That’s like, a small percentage of that percentage, like that’s on both sides but are not, they don’t, like if they don’t, whatever it’s called, transition, it’s like, the same exact percentage. Female voice: “If a person who is straight and everything, goes on hormones and starts transitioning, they do experience extreme dysphoria. It’s just what happens. So…” [I stopped recording for a moment, then picked it up a moment later] Female voice: “If they’re actually civil, and they don’t try to scream in my face.” Third guy: “The thing with these sjw types is that they go to like-” Female voice: “No, not completely, she used to be much worse.” [Unintelligible because the sound of someone moving an easel in the classroom next to us drowned out everything else.] Male voice: “Make sure you take the time to look at the other side [Unintelligible] you can just base your opinion in that, like, if you look up two very biased, like, left and right sources, you just have to believe in which one makes more sense.” [More easel scooting] Female voice: “I grew up in a fundamentalist evangelical household, I’m still in one, [Unintelligible] left.” Third guy: “They’re usually right, though, aren’t they?” Female voice: “They’re very right. And I don’t believe in any of that stuff.” [They talk about church, politics, and then the 2016 election briefly, then they go their separate ways.]

[azdoine]

A followup on Henry Darger

So about a week ago I made some pretty brusque posts about Henry Darger -- an outsider artist infamous for his depictions of young gender-variant children, both as epic innocent heroes and as victims of graphic violence.

Last night, my copy of Henry Darger, Throwaway Boy by Jim Elledge came in the mail, and I am deeply conflicted about it.

On the whole I think that Throwaway Boy was a necessary book, as a sympathetic, queer, and exhaustively-researched reading of Darger and his work, but it was also a deeply frustrating book.

Elledge presents a strong account of historical queerness during the time of Darger’s life, but he views historical transfemininity as something primarily or solely imposed upon cis gay men, rather than something which might have existed for its own sake; and this colors all of his analysis, not just of Darger. Elledge misgenders and deadnames infamous historical trans women such as Jennie June, claims the hermaphrodite as a figure and symbol primarily of male homosexuality rather than gender-variance more broadly, and, evil of evils, unironically uses the word “transgendered”.

Nevertheless, Elledge presents an almost irrefutable argument that Darger was queer; almost certainly trans feminine, IMHO, although Elledge reads and presents Darger as a cis gay man, perhaps not unfairly.

Elledge’s research contributes a number of items to this end and others, which he relates to the reader:

Henry “Extremely Neurotypical” Darger

Henry “was a little too funny and made strange noises” with his “mouth, nose and throat” during class. He wanted his classmates to think he was a clever, fun-loving boy and hoped they would laugh. His plan backfired. Instead of being invited into the fold as he’d hoped, the other boys and girls were so aggravated by Henry that they gave him “saucy and hateful looks.” Some even told him that, if he didn’t stop it, they’d put him in his place after school.

...

Henry was also called on the carpet for moving his hands up and down and back and forth in the air, gestures that the adults around him probably identified as masturbatory, although he described them as “pretending it was snowing” or “raining.”

The Boyfriend Situation

Henry was proud to boast that “every evening and Sunday afternoons off” he “went visiting a special friend of mine”--”special friend” giving an important clue as to their relationship. In the early 1900s, gay men often used “special friend” and similar phrases as codes for their mates, and with that phrase, Henry cast his and Whillie’s liason as romantic and almost certainly sexual. By also bragging that they were together “every evening and Sunday afternoons” that the two didn’t work, Henry hinted at the intensity of their relationship. Like any couple in love, they spent every free minute that they had in each other’s company.

Marie

Henry... feminized himself in a variety of ways, both in his first novel and in its source materials. Midway through The Realms, Henry included a scene that he borrowed from his childhood, and in it, he depicted himself as "Marie," an adult woman recalling her mother's death when she was a child...

Clearly echoing the scene of his mother's deathbed, Henry depicted himself as a "frightened little girl" who had been "inflicted" with "a wound" in her "soul" that had "never healed." He also revealed that he understood why his father had abandoned him over over and over: because [his mother's] death had "driven" [his father] "insane and he knew not what he was doing" when he threw Henry away. Despite the many times his father abandoned him, Henry, adopting the persona of the mature Marie, was tender and understanding towards his father's grief.

Of Pretty Style

In the penultimate volume of The Realms, Henry added another scene... It’s a memo written by two of his characters, Detectives Fox and West...

Henry depicted himself as one of “the two little girl children of pretty style” who were his father’s daughters. The second “little girl” was his sister, whom he never knew... his anger over his father’s “insanity” and his “foolish grief” that stemmed from “the loss of his wife” comes through loud and clear. In stark opposition to Marie’s recollection, the detectives assert that the father wallowed in his grief and ignored his children, putting their emotional and physical welfare after his own.

Annie Aronburg

To familiarize himself with Church doctrine before taking communion, Henry carefully copied a Roman Catholic catechism word for word from a published edition into a notebook that has been called his Reference Ledger. He wrote an introduction to the catechism that he copied, but he signed it with the name of one of his most important characters, Annie Aronburg, whom he named after his favorite aunt. This is not the only time that Annie had "authored" one of Henry's texts. Two pages into the introduction to the catechism, Annie makes an interesting claim: "I am the full writer of the manuscript as far as it goes of the Glandelinians and the rebels at the child labor places, and will have them published as soon as I can." She, according to Henry, wrote The Realms, and... she thinks it's good enough to publish.

Henry continued to use Annie as a persona, a resource, and a guide outside of the novel for decades. After Sister Rose left St. Joseph’s in 1917, she and Henry corresponded for a short time. One of the things that makes their correspondence so important is the fact that Henry doctored her letters to him so that it appears that she was not writing to Henry at all but to Annie Aronburg. The original version of one, dated June 19, 1917, begins:

My dear Henry

    Both of your letters reached me and I am grateful for your kind thought. I am glad that you are trying to be an even better boy since I left.

Henry's doctored version of her letter became:

    My dear Aronburg

    Both of your letters reached me and I am grateful for your kind thought. I am glad that you are trying to be an even better girl since I left.

He would also revise other documents, such as his discharge papers from the army, by crossing out specific words and inserting others so that the documents referred to Annie, again metaphorically transforming himself into her.

Webber George

Despite all the similarities between Henry and the Vivians, the character who represents Henry most strikingly is not any of the Vivians... but Webber George...

Webber shares more important attributes with Henry than any other character Henry ever created. Henry established the link between himself and Webber almost immediately...

Of all the similarities between Webber and Henry, being a “thoroughly bad boy” is the most important and, ultimately, the most revealing. Henry admitted over and over again how “bad” he had been as a child and gave plenty of examples, but he could never bring himself to reveal why. After strongly linking himself to Webber, Henry made an amazing revelation about Webber and, by extension, about himself: “One cause mainly of the boy being bad, and a foolish one at that was that was because he was angry at God for not having created him into a girl which he wanted to be more than anything else.” Henry’s anger at God, which began when he was five or six years old, was certainly caused by the physical and sexual abuse he suffered, by the jealousy he felt because other children’s parents were taking care of them while his father ignored him, and by the general mistreatment he experienced, usually at the hands of adults. Yet Henry was also angry--which became manifest in his “thoroughly bad” behavior--because he wanted to be female instead of male, just as his ten-year-old doppelganger Webber did...

Webber’s desire to have been born female rather than male was Henry’s. Webber’s anger was Henry’s, too. Webber transferred his anger from God to those around him. He couldn’t lash out at the Divine, so he lashed out at any little girl around him because a little girl “had many advantages which [a little] boy did not...”

Henry pushed the envelope even further a few pages later. He actually entered the narrative and spoke directly to the reader as himself in nineteenth-century fashion. In the process he essentially admitted that he was part of Chicago’s queer subculture. “The reader may think this”--Webber’s desire to have been born female--is “strange,” Henry wrote, but “the writer knows quite a number of boys who would give anything to have been born a girl.”

[albionjake]

Goodbye Big Brother: The Show That Changed Television and My Life

You’ve probably read this title and thought ‘Christ, he really likes Big Brother too much’ and you’d be correct. I definitely do. There’s no denying that. But I would add that you probably think Big Brother is just a trashy, meaningless reality show and I’m afraid to tell you that you’re wrong about that. You have probably come to that conclusion as a result of extreme reality saturation. Reality as a genre is now almost exclusively easy to watch trash that washes over you and you forget about a few days later. Big Brother is entirely responsible for all of it existing but I don’t believe it should be judged the same way as its spawn. BB is the original and it should be treated with respect (yes Channel 5, I’m talking to you). At one time in the UK, Big Brother was the biggest show on television. It was on the front pages of national newspapers and magazines. Housemates became household names. It was watched by four times the amount of people that watched the Love Island final this July. It changed the way TV was made. Before Big Brother, we didn’t have shows where the public called up and voted people off. It wasn’t a thing. Big Brother is the original reality show. The greatest of all time. A show with so many iconic scenes and characters, no other reality can even come close. Try arguing a case against a show that gave you Nasty Nick’s confrontation, Helen and Paul’s romance, Jade Goody’s verruca meltdown, Fight Night, Michelle and Chicken Stu under the table, Kinga and her bottle, Nikki Grahame’s diary room rants. If we go over to CBB, it gave you George Galloway being a cat, “Yeah, Jackie”, Tiffany Pollard believing David Gest had died in the house. No other show could produce moments like this.  So why is it being cancelled at the end of this series? Well, nobody is watching it anymore. Has the show changed? Yes, a bit. But not really. The basic premise has always been there for 19 series. What’s changed a lot more is society. We are a very different country to what we were in the year 2000. People have much shorter attention spans and have come to expect shows to be heavily produced and edited. Big Brother is still essentially the same show it always was but it has changed and I’m going to tell you how while also hopefully reminding you why the show is so incredibly important and why it’s an absolute travesty that it’s been thrown on the scrap heap without anyone caring. Series 1 began on the 18th of July 2000. Ten people went into a house, and the first few weeks bubbled away without much fuss, viewers were steadily increasing as people became interested in loud and confrontational characters like Caroline and Nicola and a burgeoning romance between Andy and Mel. We could spy on people living their lives. After years of having to covertly peak through the net curtains or put a glass to the wall to spy on the neighbours, we could do it openly in our homes and then get rid of anyone that was annoying us by calling up and voting them out. The show didn’t take long to become a national talking point. After 35 days, Nick Bateman was ejected from the house for cheating. For weeks leading up, he had been secretly writing names on pieces of paper and showing them to other housemates in an attempt to sway their nominations. The public had also watched him make up stories about things like his wife dying in a car accident and he’d become the most hated man in Britain. On his final day, the other housemates had confronted him, led by Craig who eventually won the show. Nick was on the front pages, he made the show a massive hit, everyone was talking about it.  The second series was eagerly anticipated and was full of much of the same arguments and controversy. The show was streamed 24 hours a day on E4 and a sister show began called Big Brother’s Little Brother which would lead to the ‘sister show’ becoming a genre of its own and being a staple of pretty much every reality and talent show on TV. Brian Dowling won the second series after being adorable and hilarious for 64 days. His win told me, a gay 13 year old boy, that young, gay men could be accepted for who they are by millions and that was invaluable to me. Big Brother literally changed my life, so forgive me if I get defensive about it. It’s more than a TV show to me. Over 19 years, it has taught me so much about human interaction, about accepting people for who they are and about a whole host of controversial issues. Watching a house full of different adults every year from the age of 12... I can’t even imagine how many things the show taught me. It’s almost certainly shaped a huge part of me and my personality. Week one of the third series brought the first ever nominations twist as the public were asked to nominate two housemates and then the housemates would decided which one to evict. Of the two that were up, the housemates chose to evict Lynne who had actually received the second highest number of the votes. Who had the highest number of votes to leave after one week? Jade Goody. Sort of proves that letting the public vote for anything might have been a huge mistake all along. Jade Goody would later become the biggest star the show has ever produced. Jade’s story is one of the most fascinating stories in British pop culture history and I’m astounded it hasn’t been made into a film. She made the series unmissable and I believe she’s one of the all time greats. BB3 also gave us Allison Hammond who now presents on This Morning along with a load of other stuff and Adele Roberts who hosts the Radio 1 early morning breakfast show. This series was the most crazy yet, with more twists and turns than before and a more volatile mix of housemates.  Following the insanity of BB3, the show tried to get back to basics with its cast and the people chosen were a bit less manic. This was the first huge misstep for BB. It’s a risky format, there’s always a chance that your housemates just aren’t going to work. Always a chance they’ll all pretty much just get on and have a nice life in the house. This is another reason why I love Big Brother. There’s always a risk that it could be a shit series. Sure, producers can intervene and try to spice the show up but, what I’ve learned over the years is, that if it’s a shit series then it just can’t be saved. If those housemates aren’t right then nothing you throw at them is going to fix the problem. BB4 was one of those years, it was perfectly pleasant but entirely uneventful. So Big Brother 5 had to win everyone back. A lot of people had given up on BB4 but the show was still young enough to stir up interest when it came around again the following year. They’d learnt from last year and were telling us that Big Brother was “going evil”. The house was pumped full of loud, opinionated and diverse people. Big Brother was harsher and meaner than ever before. The show was exciting again. The huge argument that is now known as ‘Fight Night’ was one of the show’s landmark moments. Security was sent in to diffuse the situation. The police were called by concerned viewers at home. Housemates were screaming and shouting in each other’s faces. Tension that had been bubbling under the surface for weeks had erupted and it was absolutely amazing to watch. I was watching the live feed on E4 that night and despite mostly only getting to see shots of the garden and hearing the familiar sound of birdsong, the little snippets I was able to see were genuinely thrilling. Big Brother 5 was won by Nadia Almada, the first trans housemate ever. Following Brian’s win a few years earlier, this cemented Big Brother’s important place in the LGBT world. No other show has shown quite as many varied types of queer people in this country. And it doesn’t just show them, it lets an audience get to know them. Nadia didn’t win because she was trans. She won because she had been an incredible housemate. Seeing the leaps and bounds trans rights have made in recent years has been amazing but let’s remember how out of the ordinary it was to see a trans person on mainstream TV in 2004. Not a drag queen like Lily Savage or someone wheeled out on Jerry Springer for a cheap laugh. We got to see a real trans person on mainstream national TV and it can’t be understated how healthy that was for our country and culture. BB was now back on track as BB6 came along and was just as great as BB5 had been, probably better. We had legends like Makosi and Kemal, Craig and Antony’s fascinating friendship and fiery characters like Science, Maxwell, Roberto and Derek to keep the drama going for the whole summer. Kinga and her bottle will probably be the most memorable moment from the series but the whole three months were exceptional. Big Brother 7 was more of the same. Another amazing mix of housemates including Pete, Nikki, Richard, Lea, Aisleyne and Glyn. But BB7 is where things started to take a turn. This series had 22 housemates overall. That is too many housemates. One thing that hardly ever saves a series is throwing in more housemates and BB7 added 8 people across three different twists. Not only that but a very late twist allowing the public to put their favourite evicted housemate back in was the first time BB messed with one of it’s fundamental format points, “Who goes, you decide”. The public had paid to evict Nikki and then she was allowed back in. If that wasn’t bad enough, when she did return she was a lot more knowing, she’d seen how hilarious the public found her tantrums so she was playing up to that and it wasn’t the same. Nikki is one of the greatest housemates of all time but I think letting anyone back in when they’ve been evicted by the public just isn’t right. I would say, though a fantastic series, that BB7 was the beginning of the end for Big Brother as a cultural talking point. The minute they messed with those BB fundamentals, the whole format was up for grabs, they could mess around with anything, the public lose sight of what the show is about when you’re changing the rules all the time. So BB8 came along and was perfectly acceptable. I would argue that it had far too many knowing housemates. Chanelle made several blatant attempts at becoming the new Nikki with some excruciatingly exaggerated tantrums. We had out first ever BB superfan housemate in Brian Belo. We had a weird twist where they only put women in for the first week. Completely pointless. Looking back, there were so many examples of BB losing its way in this series. BB7 had created a small puncture and BB8 was failing to contain the water damage. Then BB9 came along and added several more punctures. I hate Big Brother 9. I think it’s trashy and gross. It’s grubby. The house was full of incredibly unlikeable characters along with some entirely forgettable ones. It was all so crude and unpleasant. There was an incident where Dennis spat in Mohammed’s face and was ejected. There was Alexandra threatening people with her gang friends on the outside. There was Mikey who was vile. Rex who was horrible. Darnell who later appeared in porn with Bex from this series and Billi from BB8. Just grubby and, for me, not what Big Brother should be about. Everyone was crass and loud and fame hungry and dreadful. BB is accused of being that all the time but for 80% of the time, it isn’t. Sadly, this series lived up to critics perceptions and it was awful. I’d say the only good thing BB9 did was give us Lisa Appleton who I am still obsessed with. I could look at pictures of her putting the bins out whilst eating a saveloy all day. After BB9, Big Brother had lost the public. BB9 was the one that stuck a knife in Big Brother’s cultural significance. The show never recovered. Big Brother 10 was a vast improvement but nobody knew because ratings went down by a third. It’s amazing that BB10 was actually on Channel 4. Although I guess ITV keep chucking The Voice and The X Factor on air and nobody cares about those. Telly is weird. BB10 was great, it toned down on the vile people and we had a bunch of genuinely interesting people. It wasn’t as fast paced as the previous 5 series which was actually a relief. The balance was right again but by this point Big Brother was far from the only reality show around. Structured reality was creeping in and BB couldn’t compete with faked storylines. The public’s attention span for watching a bunch of fairly nice people make a few friends, have a few bust ups and a couple of romances just wasn’t there. Society had changed and Big Brother had been left behind. Channel 4 then announced it was cancelling the show. Nobody was particularly surprised. BB11 would be the last series of all time which actually got ratings up slightly. I loved Big Brother 11. Shabby and Caoimhe’s unrequited love storyline was the first we’d seen between two girls. BB superfan Mario being picked at random from a huge group of hopefuls on launch night was great and his task at being BB’s secret mole while having to dress as a mole and wear a sign saying “I am a mole’ showed that BB was back to being silly and fun. There was a talking chest of drawers that gave housemates secret tasks and plenty of really great, imaginative and fun tasks throughout. BB had finally shown what sort of show it could be but, sadly, it was too late. The series’ winner Josie Gibson was one of the best winners BB had and her relationship with the fascinating John James was amazing to watch. To see a handsome, toned, blonde, Australian surfer guy fall for a normal, plus-sized girl from a Bristol farm was something that only Big Brother could give you.  Then we had an underwhelming Ultimate Big Brother which was deservedly won by Ultimate Housemate Brian Dowling and BB was gone. I was sad to see it go but I understood why and looked forward to its inevitable return a few years down the line. But then Channel 5 came knocking and the show was reborn. Now, I’m grateful to C5 for giving the show a second chance and brining us a new era of BB. They took Celebrity Big Brother and ran with it, creating a huge number of iconic telly. Kim Woodburn, Perez Hilton, Gemma Collins and so many more completely insane celebrities have made TV gold on C5′s version of CBB and it has been amazing. But, much as I love CBB, my heart is with Civilian and I’m not sure it has ever been quite right on Channel 5. The moment it first began, things were different. The editing, the music, the way the housemates names would constantly come up like I was watching an episode of TOWIE. Big Brother was finally trying to fit in with the modern crowd of reality shows and it looked like an embarrassing dad trying to hang out with the cool kids. Just be yourself, BB. All the show ever needed to be was itself and things would have been fine, this year’s series has proved that. Unfortunately, the show just became less and less itself and completely lost its way. One thing I will say about C5 is that Emma Willis and Rylan Clark-Neal have been absolutely incredible. They both love Big Brother as much as the fans and it’s so appreciated. After a shaky start with poor old Brian Dowling hosting, Emma took his place and did Davina proud. Of course Davina McCall will always be THE host of Big Brother but Emma has done a perfect job and made the role her own. Rylan has been a brilliant Bit On The Side host. Following Dermot O’Leary and Russell Brand as BB sister show hosts is not an easy task but Rylan has been just as wonderful as both of them. Davina, Dermot, Russell, Emma and Rylan all did amazing jobs hosting BB and BB related shows and I’m thrilled to have been there with them the whole time. Of course, there have been moments of greatness on C5. It’s Big Brother for goodness sake. I enjoyed Aaron winning the first C5 series and being the first winner to be booed when he left. I enjoyed Luke A showing everyone that trans men exist too and becoming the second trans winner. I enjoyed a lot and I never stopped watching. The first three series on C5 sort of passed everyone by, including me really. I watched them and enjoyed them but I wasn’t hugely fussed. Then Big Brother 14 happened and BB lost itself completely. Firstly, Zoe Birkett from Pop Idol was in civilian Big Brother. There had literally been dozens of far less famous people than her in the celebrity version. Due to the success of CBB, C5 were clearly mixing the two together and it was awful. The housemates were now being scouted. We had the same people who were also trying to get on X Factor, The Apprentice, Britain’s Got Talent etc etc. People that just want to be on telly. NOT people who want to be on Big Brother.  One of those people was the odious Helen Wood. One of the most poisonous and vile people ever to step foot in that house. Due to an insanely misjudged opening week task, Helen won a pass to the final. This meant that her bullying and nasty behaviour was left unpunished for weeks. Nobody could nominate her. Decent people were stuck in a house with her and it was genuinely unpleasant to watch. Without the pass, she would have been evicted very quickly but with it she was able to gain popularity with people who found her bullying “entertaining” and she ended up winning the show. It was BB’s lowest point. The next year, the house was full of reality TV rejects again. It was a weird series and BB seemed to be changing the rules all over the place. Twists were thrown in at an alarming rate. Someone was evicted on the first night. Then on Day 18, 4 housemates were evicted and replaced by another 4... essentially starting the series again because the entire house dynamic changed. This was unbelievably alienating for viewers and it went down terribly. It was completely dreadful. Then, as if the series wasn’t enough of a mess, they put Helen Wood back in the house as a guest. Helen spent her time being vile again, to the point where Brian Belo (another guest) escaped after she drove him to tears. Afterwards, Helen ended up having some sort of fight backstage and she’s since been banned from all BB shows and events. Quite right too. Mental that they ever put her back in. BB17 was a slight improvement but it was still full of reality show rejects and still had weird twists like letting Jason evict Lateysha without a public vote. Madness. But the series did feel like BB was finding its way again and I enjoyed it more than I had for a while. Then we had BB18. I really really liked BB18. Unfortunately, the house probably had the most reality rejects it’s ever had. With about half the house having been on Ex On The Beach or Ibiza Weekender. All these crappy cheap reality shows clearly being the easiest place to grab a housemate from. Easier for producers than sitting through thousands of audition tapes, I suppose! Anyway, despite this, the series was pretty great. Going back to the classic two bedrooms created two camps and I absolutely love BB when it feels like there are two camps. We had Rose Cottage and Thorn Cottage and I was fully Team Thorn all the way. Brilliant housemates like Raph, Hannah, Deborah, Chanelle and Isabelle really made the show watchable again and I loved it. It still had a lot of flaws but it was a really enjoyable series and I was so pleased to see so many of Thorn Cottage in the final week. Then the wait for BB19 began. It was a longer wait than usual as we all heard rumours than Channel 5 didn’t want BB anymore. Celeb BB ended and then another came around and still there hadn’t been a civilian series. The second CBB had been pretty great and BB fans had high copes that the next civilian would deliver and be what we’ve hoped for for such a long time. Then the news broke on the day of launch night. Channel 5 were cancelling Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother. Big Brother 19 would be the last series ever. The news was upsetting but not surprising, it was only made worse when BB19 started and it was so instantly incredible. The housemates had been chosen properly and they were great, the launch night had so many nods to the old days, the house looked wonderful and the launch night twist introducing Big Coins to the game was amazing. Then we were blessed with so many brilliant and inventive tasks. The show was back doing what it should have been doing the whole time. But AGAIN, it was too late. For the second time, BB had been axed and then decided to pull its socks up and be brilliant. Why does it always have to be too late? I’ve loved this final series. There have been one or two issues towards the end but ultimately it’s been a really brilliant bunch of housemates who I think have been worthy of possibly being the final people to call the Big Brother house home.  So now it’s gone and I can get on with my life. BB does take up a lot of my time when it’s on and I have watched every single series since the year 2000. That’s a lot of time so part of me is glad, I won’t lie. If it comes back though, I’ll be here and I’ll watch it because I’m a FAN. Being a proper fan of Big Brother means you don’t give up when it’s dull or when the producers seem to be losing their minds or when the rest of the country moves on to Love Island. We love Big Brother, not the genre it spawned or the countless, meaningless reality shows that wouldn’t exist without it. People often label me a ‘reality TV fan’ but I’m not. I just love Big Brother, that’s all. It’s the original and it will always be the best. People may say it’s not what it used to be but those people aren’t watching it anymore so I’ve no idea how they could possibly know. The show has always been the same deep down. It’s about watching and connecting with a bunch of strangers for a few months. Loving them, hating them, learning from them, feeling for them and generally being fascinated by the different ways that human beings interact. There are now hundreds of shows like it but none of those shows do it quite like Big Brother does it.  Big Brother is a very special television programme and I love it unashamedly. It’s gone for now but I have a feeling that one day, Big Brother will get back to us.